#be it love from the self or genuine love from others

[celestiamour]

‧₊˚✧ ❛[ bad liar ]❜

━━━ .°˖✧ requested by @gothic-rat112 (lost the ask...) ˚₊ ⊹

ft. seong gi-hun x f! reader — squid game

╰₊✧ how he is when jealous & insecure┊1.2k words 

setting: season 1 contains: age gap relationship (unspecified but legal obviously), insecurity & jealousy, he’s a little immature & broke as hell but it’s okay i love pathetic men, reader is a sweetheart, this is all over the place omfg

➤ author's note: okay i kinda went on a tangent, first season because i miss his stupid smile and his fluffy hair (also look at how cute he is in this gif omfg i love him sm, i need to write for him more, underrated in his own show, THE PUPPY EYES)

╰₊✧ honestly, gi-hun isn’t so much as jealous as he is insecure. sure, he has an outgoing personality and always makes you laugh without fail, but he can’t think of any other positive traits aside from that. he doesn’t think of himself as particularly attractive with his scruffy appearance, and he’s painfully aware that he’s lacking when it comes to finances and has a gambling problem to boot. on top of all that, he was a divorced middle-aged man who didn’t even have joint custody of his only daughter and still lived with his mom rent-free, a terrible husband, father, and son— he’s truthfully the type of man people avoid when dating.

╰₊✧ yet he still managed to pull a pretty young thing like you who looks past all that, not sure if you were stupid or desperate. during the first few weeks of being together, he made jokes about still being able to date younger women in his old age because he was still in disbelief it was happening, but when you stuck by his side through all his flaws and the first year passed with you supporting him to get better, insecurity hit him like a ton of bricks when he realized that he was genuinely in love with you and that he didn’t have what it took to be the boyfriend you deserved when he wasn’t even someone his biological family deserved. 

╰₊✧ he sees other people buying their girls jewelry and clothing from name-brand stores, taking them out to eat in luxury restaurants with multiple courses, driving them around in european cars, and he’s out here saving money to do something as little as cake for your anniversary. he’s always on cloud nine when he spends time with you, but there’s something so humbling about looking up “broke date ideas” and scraping together what he already has to make it more special. no matter how much things like that don’t matter to you with the mindset of the intention counting more than the price, he still feels shitty about having you pay for most of the things you do together when he’s the man and the older one in the relationship along with the fact that you were barely better off than he was. 

walks around to admire the sights: especially during holiday seasons when there are pretty lights, you like holding his hand and admiring the sights of the city you often take for granted. if the streets are empty then he doesn’t mind it, but he does get self-conscious about the looks you both get so it’s not super common.

candlelit dinners of takeout and beer: a regular one, gi-hun likes to gather a bunch of candles to make the place look a little more romantic, maybe even having some roses to make it look nicer. the man doesn’t cook much though, so you’ll just have replated takeout with bottles of beer, but he always makes it lively with conversation and puts effort into fixing his hair to look more handsome.

and anything else he can think of, he can be really creative when it comes to you and you’re pleasantly surprised each time.

╰₊✧ these things bother him a lot more than he will let on, but he tries to stay all smiles around you which you see right through like glass. he’s a bad liar, a trait he would always get in trouble for when he was a child since he couldn’t lie about his antics.

╰₊✧ he feels awful when he finds that you also entered these games to pay off your respective debts, because no matter how much you try to convince him you aren’t, he knows that you intended to use any extra money to help him out as well with his debt being higher than yours. it should be the other way around, he should be the one helping you, and when the first shots are fired during “red light, green light,” he makes you swear that you won’t come back.

╰₊✧ of course, you do come back, because while he is your boyfriend, you’re also a grown-ass woman who can do what she pleases (also because you’re desperate and prefer not to find out what those loan sharks would do to you if it took too long to pay them back, and you might as well go to support gi-hun because you know his ass went back).

╰₊✧ he feels a little bit better about himself seeing all of the other people in a similar position as him, drowning in debt and petrified of death. he tries to be protective over you, but let’s be honest, you’re the protective one who mothers him, and since the constant threat of death is always looming, he lets you do it even if it looks stupid. people are either judgemental or jealous, but there are bigger things to worry about.

“people are staring…” he muttered, his eyes darting around to meet theirs and watching as they looked away the second eye contact was made. “you don’t need to do this, you know, it’s a little embarrassing.”

“i don’t care, let them stare,” you stated simply, rubbing into the back of his shoulders with practiced circular motions. “they are just jealous that they don’t have a cute girlfriend to take care of them like you do, and i want to! your muscles are so tense— i don’t want you participating in the next games when you aren’t in the best shape. we could die any day here, i want to give you all the love i can!”

╰₊✧ jealous of sang-woo with his intelligence and emotional security. even if both of them are wearing the same teal tracksuit, his childhood friend was in here because of failed investments which sounded a lot better than just losing constant bets in gambling dens. (to be fair, if you were gi-hun’s controversially young girlfriend, i don’t think either of you would get along well as he probably looks down on you and you probably find him stuck up, so he doesn’t have to worry about you being stolen away by him). not really jealous of that block-head deok-su hitting on you, after the little altercation they had on the first day, more annoyed than anything but the feeling quickly vanishes when he sees you reject him with a roll of your eyes. 

╰₊✧ actually jealous of anyone your age paying attention to you, especially ali who has a really sweet personality and gets along with you really well, maybe even sae-byeok who has a pretty face and is decently nice once you get to know her. 

“you need to stop pouting.”

“‘m not pouting…”

“you’re a bad liar, you know that? but it’s so cute,” you exclaimed, reaching out to pinch his cheeks childishly. “you don’t need to be jealous of ali, he’s already married and has a kid.”

“i know, i know…”

“i don’t think you do.”

╰₊✧ it’s so obvious when he’s jealous, it’s actually painful. he stares holes into the head of the person talking to you and is pouty until you address it. he’ll also blush when you call him out and tease him about it, it’s so cute. please give him assurance, pinch his cheeks, ruffle his fluffy hair, and give him lots of kisses, he deserves it.

(author is slightly delirious with a fever, i took medicine dw, i just really wanna kiss gihun)

[moonstruckme]

Pookie! I need you to write me something pretty please :)

Can you write Remus comforting a reader with an anxiety disorder when someone told them "there's nothing to be anxious about. You just want attention" ??? Pretty please?? Love you pookieeeeeee

Thanks for requesting!

cw: mean girl stuff, social anxiety

Remus Lupin x fem!reader ♡ 929 words

“Shh.” Remus holds you close to his chest, his hand moving up and down your arm now that your crying has slowed. “It’s okay. It’s just us, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” you echo, croakily. You’re glad you can’t see your boyfriend’s face, for fear you’d die of embarrassment otherwise. The looming insecurity of your day stands over you like a grim reaper. 

You arrived home from a friend’s birthday dinner to find Remus sitting on the couch, already marking the page of his book as he turned to you with a soft smile. 

“Hi, sweetheart. How was it?” 

You replied, through a laugh that turned into a sob halfway through, “Not great.” 

The dinner had been an event of foreboding for you since your invite. You’d been determined to be a good friend by not bailing, but actually going had confirmed your worst fears; it was loud, crowded, filled with people you didn’t know and didn’t fit with. Your outfit wasn’t right, the menu was daunting, and conversation swirled all around you about things you weren’t a part of. The fallout was basically inevitable. 

You perhaps waited too long to excuse yourself. You were sweating buckets and breathing around a lump by the time you did, whispering an explanation to your friend before locking yourself into a bathroom stall to talk yourself down. You’re sure she didn’t mean anything by telling the people sitting closest to her why you were gone—you don’t think she’d do it to gossip, and she’s never talked down to you about that sort of thing, at least not to your face—but by the time you returned one of her friends—a stranger to you, who’s name you can’t even remember—had formulated a fairly decisive opinion and dubbed you an attention seeker. 

You stayed only a little longer after that. Just long enough to avoid attracting more attention. And you worked yourself up well enough on the way home that all it took was one innocent question from Remus to send you crumpling into his arms. 

You’ve tried to steel yourself more than once, but any attempts at stoicism have been foiled by your boyfriend’s tender looks and whispered placations, which only make you cry harder. If you’re an attention seeker, Remus is your holy grail. Self loathing sits lodged in your throat like a stone. 

“Whose friend was it, again?” Remus asks, stroking your arm gently. 

You take a breath, trying to steady your voice. “Does it matter?” 

“I don’t mean it’s your friend’s fault, sweetheart,” Remus says. He’s all softness and patience, better than you could ever deserve. “I just thought you might talk to her, if you want to. She ought to know her friend is going around saying cruel things.” 

“She was there.” Your throat tightens at the memory. 

“Oh. Then I don’t suppose you need to say anything; I’m sure she’s already very upset for you.” 

You try to laugh, frustrated with yourself when it only seems to spur another wave of tears. “Rem. You’re biased.” 

“What?” Remus sounds genuinely surprised. “You don’t think she’s angry with that other girl?”

“She’s her friend.” 

“So are you.” His arms tighten around you protectively, chin bumping your head. “I may be biased, but the other girl was clearly in the wrong. There’s no excuse for the way she acted.” 

A dozen rebuttals fly about your head, but you keep your mouth shut. You don’t have the energy to argue. Unfortunately, Remus hears your argument in the silence anyway. 

“Sweetheart,” he says softly, “no one puts themselves through what you do for attention. You don’t choose to feel that way.”

You hunch your back, tucking your head underneath his chin. “I do get attention for it, though.” 

“That doesn’t mean you want it.” 

“But I—”

“Do you want it?” You can’t see Remus, but you hear the hardened edge to his tone. “Did you like it, when that girl called attention to you in the middle of the dinner?” 

Your voice smalls. “No.” 

“Right.” The gentleness returns. Remus puts his lips to your head. “I know you didn’t, dovey. So don’t torment yourself, please. She doesn’t know anything about you.” 

You push your lips together. He lets you chew on your next words for a while, his thumb swiping softly back and forth over your upper arm, the sleeve of your top shifting slightly with the motion. 

“What if…” You gnaw the inside of your cheek. Remus waits. “What if everyone thinks that?” 

“Mm. Well, for what it’s worth, I don’t think most people would. Surely not anyone who knows you, or anyone worth being around.” He takes a breath, thinking. “You can’t always control what people think. I know you say I’m biased, but anyone who thinks something like that really isn’t worth thinking about at all. You’ve got enough going through that head of yours, yeah?” He kisses your hair fondly. 

“I guess so,” you admit. 

“Yeah,” Remus decides. He pulls away to see your face, pushing hair away from your tacky cheeks. “I’d say so.” 

You wonder if you look as horrendously in love as you feel. You think you must, because your boyfriend’s expression softens impossibly further as he turns his head to give you a proper kiss. You feel raw but comforted, and suddenly, totally exhausted. 

“Let the bullies worry about themselves.” Remus gives you a tender look. “I’ll worry about you.” 

You let a small smile tilt your lips. “And what am I left to worry about?” 

“Nothing,” he says solemnly. “Think you can manage that?” 

“Nope.” 

“Mm. Well, try.” 

[theladybrownstarot]

How's the personality of your future spouse ?

✧ Here's my masterlist for more !

✧ Make sure you like/reblogg/Comment and follow more pacs like these !

Pick-A-Pile : here's a new pick card reading for you all ! So close your eyes and breathe in and out then choose pile(s) attracting you most . This is a general reading so it may resonate and not , my readings are not the universal truth so make your decisions wisely 🩷

Pile 1 / Pile 2 / Pile 3 ~

✧ Pile 1

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's begin with your reading:

Right off the bat - feminine kind of person . They are someone who is very hopeful and determined in life , no matter how Many hardship They face they always stand again and follow to what they are always being called too . This person is really charismatic wether male or female they have this masculine energy in them when it comes to leading people and helping them, they had be someone who will not leave any person till the end but because of their genuine nature people at times take advantage of them. They are someone who will listen to all and learn from all but they will listen to themselves at last and introspect deeply to what they want to take ahead in life with them in their energy . Their voice is really sweet and honey like , Infact their personality too but mostly their voice . They maybe animal lovers too also have special bond with animals . This person has this healing touch to their personality and vibe that people come to them when In need , this person is emotionally very strong and experienced also matured than their age .

This person could have family related trauma too or their family is the greatest teacher and support, also this person is a family person or would love to have a family with you. They are believers for sure, no matter what happens they will follow and belive to what they feel called to help them up from their situation . They are visionary and have high goals also standards . They are also a good luck for themselves and others too fulfilling life with optimism and happiness .

✧ Keyword and Extra messages : hope , visionary, water sign - rising or moon , family , saturn/jupiter in 9th/8th house , pastries, sweet voice , animals ,vet , travel , plane , pilot, mars and ketu, threater - dramatic .

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

✧ Pile 2

Namaste pile 2 ! Let's begin with your reading

I got two words first- indigo and Rainbow for them. They are someone jolly and happy go around type of person yet they are someone who will have this mystery inside no matter how you assure yourself that they are known to you very much. There's something surprising to them, and they reveal this small surprises about themselves in right situations only . They are quite shy and anxious too in general. They are cunning too , no matter how much you plan behind their back they will always know about it advance and back attack before you will even make a move leaving you in wonder and disbelief. They are chilled or have nonchalant attitude when it comes to their work , he/she's like - "aah I man I got it no worries at all". They are also cut throat when it comes to expressing opinions about someone , they don't sugarcoat at all . This is person is also into lots of self care and self love that's why they got themselves Pretty amazing in their life going with the flow. They value emotions a lot so of others too , this won't disrespect or disregard someone no matter even it's an enemy expressing their vunerable side or also in general because their morals are high so also they are quite a person with manners too . People might not approach this person because of their attitude but that doesn't mean they are bad ,they are just themselves .

They are intuitive , could be psychics too or have interest in occult sciences. They value their family a lot , also dont ever disrespect them emotionally because they are not attached kind of person ; the moment you disrespect , the moment they will leave you forever hence quite a person with boundaries . They will live their life purpose for sure so at times it's possible that they may not be available some time but otherwise they will be and are . Even they aren't there physically remember he/she will or knows what's going on with you and Will love and support you from far never making you feel alone or unloved .

✧ key words and extra messages : psychic , silent , lone/alone wolf , direct , honest , ketu in 11th house, sun in 10th house, mysterious , Venus in fifth/fourth house with Mars conjuction possibly , spiritual.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

✧ Pile 3

Namaste pile 3 ! Let's begin with your reading

Your future spouse's personality is quite vampirish , I must say . There's this aggression and passion mix in them which flows in their pain . They will be someone who will not show their anger directly rather they will Suck out the person's soul through an interesting way . Next , I sense is that this person is really balanced - emotional and practical doesn't need a lot of time to rebalance , they are really clear about their approach and action. Theirs this sharpness and hotness in them that makes them Hella attractive which is quite mix with bad boy attitude but same something more sweet equally mixed , their personality is quite addictive. They are also grounded and humble being on this earth who is ready to make anyone happy and entertained . I sense that they are also quite flirty and enjoy every moment of their life , compassionate kind of person one can say. They are like a gentleman at first impression because of their approach . I cannot deny if they are in "rom-com" alot because I sense it so much here , they are quite a Day dreamer for sure.

This person is a nature love and loves being In fantasy, when someone meets them for sure someone will think if this person is a character from a book ? Why so because they are like someone who is rare and precious to find. They will be a kind of person who is sole beliver of "free will", he/she doesn't want to be bounded to anything so they quite can be irresponsible at times . They could also be good singers or could play instruments too. He or she is always ready for a new adventure in life.So if you ever think that your life has ended , they will be the first one to make you more hopeful and motivated .

✧ Keyboards and extra messages : ice cream , 5th house and 11th house synastry , free will , hot and cold, addictive personality , bad boy mix , scorpio ascendant or mars in scorpio , gentleman , casino, piano, Venus in 11th house, grounded and emotional.

──⭒─⭑─⭒────⭒─⭑─⭒──

©️ @theladybrownstarot 2023 all rights reserved. Any stealing or copying of work will be a punishable offence.

[tech-issues-apologies]

To be clear, I am not recommending keto, but one of the other things I would recommend is on top of the general good advice of paying more attention to what you put in your body is to consider the ratio of what you are eating. What kinds of fats and carbs are you eating? Are you eating enough protein? Are you eating protein and fats with those carbs. Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating the micronutrients you need? Getting enough sleep? Managing stress?

Some of this is to address general health, and some of this is about healthy fat storage management and managing insulin sensitivity(which are interconnected). Some are about managing the hunger response. Some of this is just to help not feal shitty and crash part way through every day. And yeah, exercise is vital for health, too. It literally is bad for your brain to not exercise enough. I took garbage care of myself and felt like shit for solid chunks of my adult life until I took my health seriously. And I don't want to pretend this is trivial. Especially if your health is already bad, you're not going to be in the best head space to solve the issues you are having. It is constant trial and error, and some of it's going to change as you age. For me, a huge component I was struggling with relates exercise. I love exercising. I find it genuinely enjoyable. But I wasn't eating enough to sustain that level of activity. On top of that, I constantly have to be careful about not exercising too much or i would hurt my self. A lot of this is just going to be figuring out what your body needs and what it can do. And often it's going to be less than you'd like.

And to be clear, this is useful Info regardless of what your health or "weight problem" is, under, or over. I don't think we should shame people or make people feel unatractove for what their body looks like, but things can get out of hand in either direction and cause health issues, and I think that pretending otherwise just undermines the credibility of body equity advocacy. I wish it was not the case, but those issues have caused multiple family members of mine to need constant and significant physical assistance from me as a result of those issues.

Me: Exercise does not cause weight loss. This is a fact that has been demonstrated so robustly in research that even doctors, who hate and fear evidence, are grudgingly starting to admit this.

Someone reading that post: Cool, but have you considered that exercise leads to weight loss?

Me: I am going to eat you

[cheapshrimpysheep]

Hiii!! is it okay if I request a comfort(?) scenario/headcanons with Vil, Idia, Malleus and Lilia where a female protagonist feels self-conscious about having stretch marks and/or cellulite, thanks (Sorry if it's not spelled well, English is not my native language)

COMMENTS: So... even though I myself am a woman, I genuinely never saw stretch marks or cellulite as something bad or ugly, and I still don't. So maybe making the characters share the same vision as me would be accurate? The only exception to complete indifference is Vil, but not in the way you might be thinking.

Btw, I didn't see any point in writing this in a context other than an already advanced relationship given the topic. Fortunately, the 4 characters are 18 years or older so it doesn't end up being... you know, too weird.

I explain at the end why I couldn't write anything for Malleus or Lilia. But despite that, I hope you and all like what I managed to write. ❤️

CHARACTERS: Vil Schoenheit / Idia Shroud

TAGS: Fluff; Fem!Reader; Comfort; In a Relationship; Suggestive(?)

WORD COUNT: An average of 580 words per character

CONTEXT: I don't think it would make sense for two people to have this kind of intimate conversation outside of a romantic or even sexual relationship. So in that situation, he and you would be in a relationship.

This was an insecurity of yours from the beginning. After all, your boyfriend was none other than Vil Schoenheit. It would be worrying enough if he were a normal model, but he's not only a super model but one of the biggest in all of Twisted Wonderland.

He had already noticed that since you started dating you seemed more worried and less confident about your appearance and that was when he said to you:

“I am the one who needs to be perfect, not you. If I wanted to date a model I could do it, but my standards in romantic relationships are others. Different from some of my colleagues in this field. I will always help you to further improve your image if you wish and feel comfortable with it. Please don't see this as me wanting you to change your appearance, but as an attempt to make you as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside.” He pauses for a second. “However, for some reason, there's something that bothers me about the possibility of making you start living the same lifestyle as me.”

But he would only get the answer to why that bothered him later.

“The truth is: you are my escape. I don't feel the pressure to be perfect with you because... you know I'm not and yet you look at me with more admiration than anyone else. You are my escape from the superficial and futile parts of my professional life. When you live in these types of environments, you start to lose track of what really matters and what really does you good. Thinking about you being swallowed up by this... and losing your genuine smile... because of me... I can't allow it! Please know that no opinion about your appearance matters other than your own. And it wasn't just that that made me fall in love.”

This may have made you feel more comfortable and confident about your appearance again, but as the relationship became more serious and you became more intimate, eventually your problem with stretch marks and cellulite began to affect your mood again.

At home, Vil had massage sessions from time to time not only to help him relax but also for other healthy effects it had on his body. He thought that now that he was dating you, maybe it would be interesting for him to buy massage products and for you to start having these sessions with each other.

“You deserve a massage probably even more than I do.” He tells you, referring to the hardships you go through with Grim and the others.

And that's when he realizes from your hesitation that something about your appearance has bothered you again. He asks you to tell him and that you can trust him. After all, if you couldn't, what kind of boyfriend would he be? And you end up talking about your stretch marks and cellulite.

“I see.” He says understandingly. “I've never had them myself, but I've met many women in the beauty industry who talk about it to each other. Not to mention the advertisements for products for it. Do you remember what I told you when we first started dating and you felt less confident about your appearance? I am the one who needs to be perfect, not you. Furthermore, from what I understand, these marks are usually found on areas around the stomach, hips, breasts, and thighs.” He looks at you seductively. “You don't really think I would have any kind of criticism if you gave me the honor of seeing these parts of your body, do you? Why don't you let me give you that massage? I'll show you what I truly find beautiful about you.”

At first you didn't even think about it. It was only when the relationship started to get more serious and you started to sleep together from time to time that you started to worry.

Especially when Idia started having less of a problem walking around you shirtless. And giving hints about how he would like to see you wearing his shirts, without pants.

One day he says he wants to acknowledge the elephant in the room, but instead of asking why you hide your body so much, he asks if you still don't consider him worthy of seeing his girlfriend comfortably sexy.

“You never hid the fact that you like to see me shirtless.” He says while playing some game on the computer. “I also want to see you like that. Not necessarily shirtless, that's another level, but like, you know I don't like to embody the confident handsome guy who likes to walk around with little clothing on." His hair starts to turn hot pink.” But... I like how you look at me when I do. And what you say. Which I never understood ‘cause I don't even have good physics. But you do! You would be that character that every player simps for.” He sinks into his chair. “But I understand, getting that kind of look from me is disgusting...”

You may have your insecurities, but he has them too. And finally you feel the need and the comfort enough to reveal to him that that isn’t the problem, that you would also like him to find you hot as you find him and that the problem is your marks.

“What marks? Like scars? Don't tell me you have cool battle scars, like doesn't that make a person even sexier?”

You say you're not talking about scars, but stretch marks and cellulite.

“... Yah... sorry, I think I rolled a natural 1 in intelligence for this. What was that again?”

You say they are marks, irregularities and dimples in the skin and that he can search them on the internet. He does that.

“It says that these are natural things that don't do any harm. But they can impact self-image.” He researches a little more. “Wait! Are you trying to tell me that you find these strips and irregularities ugly enough to the point that you have to hide them? THIS?” He smiles mockingly “Oh no! How horrible! Your skin looks like... skin! What a tragedy!”

He will be very happy if you can laugh with him.

“As if I would even notice that. It says here that these marks are usually found on areas around the stomach, hips, breasts, and thighs. Do you really think that if I saw these parts of your body it would be little stripes and dimples that would catch my attention?” The pink in his hair becomes more intense. “I may be a shut-in but don't lump me in with those worms who define their standards based on adult videos. I can assure you that's not what you'll have to worry about if you take your clothes off in front of me.”

He finally looks at you with a seductive look and smiles confidently when he sees that you are flustered.

I really really really tried to imagine scenarios with Malleus or Lilia, but I couldn't think of anything very meaningful.

Malleus wouldn't understand the problem even if you tried to explain it to him because... it doesn't make sense to him. They're just marks. He also has marks, like, on his forehead. Is there something wrong with this?

And Lilia would just laugh for you thinking this is a problem and just tell you to forget about it.

They wouldn't understand, because it wouldn't make any difference to them at all. And that's it.

With Vil and Idia I was able to think of something because they are, like, from this generation, and because one is in the beauty industry and the other is, probably, chronically online, they can see where your insecurity comes from. But for someone like Malleus or Lilia, this type of insecurity has no basis whatsoever. I really don't know what to write with them.

Sorry. 🥺

If you dropped in here out of the blue and want to read more from me, you can find it in my pinned post: INDEX

[14dayswithyou]

Ren's favorite color is black!!!

So you can totally say no to this if it falls too heavily into spoiler territory, but I constantly see with all the angel centric questions that are trying to find a way to break past the wall of Ren/REDACTED changing themselves to angels preferences and get some different response than he "wouldn't care" or they'd just try again but what I really want is just some pathetic yandere Rendacted content of him doing everything he can to keep us with them, if Angel in some way didn't want to be with them and like all his previous personas have failed in some way, shape or form, it doesn't really matter the reasoning.

I know he's like super patient and would be willing to try again and again till he makes a persona Angel likes the most, but I really just want to see this dude in peak yandere form, beyond the dead ends we see within the game. So like if that's either like just a list of stuff he'd do or an actual story fic idrc I just need him being the worst fucking version of themself, begging, crying, hell even threatening just to stop angel from leaving cause his patience has been exhausted PLEAAAAASUHHH

⌞♥⌝ I've said this many times, but Ren genuinely has all the patience in the world for Angel, and there really isn't anything that would make it snap!! ^^ He's not a short-tempered, emotionally-driven*, or verbally abusive kind of yandere either; Ren is extremely manipulative, clever, and deceptive — and often relies on making Angel be the one who sabotages their relationships with others.

If you wanted to see Ren crying and begging, you would have to run his self-esteem into the ground and treat him the exact same way his father did.

But even then... Ren would still show endless restraint for Angel. I've had people try to (unintentionally) convince me otherwise via asks of their own, but I'm quite literally his creator, and I mean it when I say that Ren has the patience of a saint. There's nothing Angel can possibly do to make him lose his temper. Ren is endlessly forgiving and more than desperate to prove his worth, so no matter how many times Angel tries to test him, it won't work. So... Please stop trying to convince me otherwise ;v;

* = When I say "emotionally driven", I mean like... Ren won't physically lash out or do anything crazy just because he's angry or upset with Angel. I hope this makes sense gsgsjh ^^; I know he's driven by love (he is a yandere and love is an emotion), but it's not like he'll want to yell or take his anger out on Angel just because he's in a bad mood.

[signanothername]

Hi Anó! Do you have any advice for writing characters like killer? How do you achive that nuance? I love your comics and would love to learn about your artistic process a bit!

Hi Gal!! A delight to see you in my inbox! <3

Omg thank you sm hcchhcchch (have you seen your own comics???? *shakes you* /pos)

Ok but I say this genuinely, I think your ideas and comics are such a beautiful and refreshing take on these blorbos, you’re doing such an amazing job both writing and art wise (your 2 Killers idea is so fucking good eeeeee) <3333

Ok to the question xgzggxzg

Killer is definitely.. complicated to write, I struggle with him sometimes ngl shshhdh

I honestly went and reread his entire comics, lore and answered asks to get a deeper look into him to be able to write him

But when it comes to writing him, I generally try to keep 6 things in mind at all times

1-trauma: how does the resets, working for Chara, having his code get manipulated and killing over and over again till what was new became something old affect him? (the whole idea of Killer killing people started as an offer of trying something new, so he kept killing till he got bored and killing became something stagnant)

This can easily be portrayed in Killer’s canon inability to till what’s real or not, as well as his hallucinations and the guilt he’s ridden with, always running from his past yet never outrunning it, as it always catches up to him

2- conditioning: his conditioning started from the days of Chara, then continued into his days with Nightmare, how does his conditioning affect him in his daily life?

How was he conditioned specifically? And how does that contribute to Killer’s perception of self, autonomy, self worth, and life in general? How does it change his body and mind?

Does it make him believe he’s just a machine meant to please others even when it hurts him, does it make Killer perceive vulnerability as a death sentence

How does he feel about his masters? Does he hate them down to every bone, or does he not care?

3-personality: Killer’s personality always change depending on the stage, but what are the main traits that you know Killer will always have regardless of the stage? Being quiet is one thing, he keeps to himself (as much as the fandom loves to portray him as extremely hyperactive, he’s not at all the loud, talkative, hyperactive skelle the fandom makes him out to be)

He’s also extremely secretive, seems to have knowledge that others don’t, and seems to always be up for a social interaction regardless of who’s with him

He’s also actually extremely patient (another thing the fandom stripped away from Killer’s character), and is very docile (isn’t aggressive unless pushed and never is an attack on sight kinda person) yet holds a grudge big time

He seems to see himself as superior over others, he’s extremely fucking intelligent it’s actually scary

These traits are something I try to keep consistent within my writing for Killer

4- relationships: what are his relationships with other characters like, and why?

Taking the 3 points before into consideration, how does Killer’s trauma, conditioning, and personality make him perceive others and others perceive him?

Are his relationships healthy? Toxic? Are they one sided or mutual? Does he care about the person in his vicinity or are they just another nobody? If he cares why? If he doesn’t what would he do to them?

Would he take advantage of his relationship with someone or is it a relationship he wishes for it to vanish?

5-stages: I think this is truly what makes Killer extremely complicated, cause see all of the 4 points above? how does each stage differ from each other?

How does stage 1 deal with his guilt/truama and conditioning? How does stage 2, 3, and 4 deal with them?

Depending on each stage Killer’s outward perception, personality, attitude, thoughts, and actions change

But how do they change exactly?

This is something that you need to understand each stage for to be able to integrate into writing

Stage 1 is the stage where he’s most sans like, yet never sans enough, stage 2 is when he’s apathetic to everyone and everything and perceives killing as “fun” because he’s painfully understimulated , stage 3 is when he’d attack whoever is in front of him, and stage 4 is when killer is no longer present mentally

How does each stage deal with his environment, with the people around him, how does he deal with the dissociation and how does he perceive himself in each stage?

6-environments: how does the environment Killer lives in affect him?

Killer starts in an environment of time loops, how does that affect his perception of time and reality? He then becomes Nightmare’s subordinate, a dangerous environment with constant threats to his life from every angle, how does Killer feel about it? How does he deal with it?

Will he get to try his luck and escape, or has he given up on himself and the idea of freedom? Does he even believe he has a chance for a better life in a safer environment? Will he go for a safer environment or will he cling to the comfort of what he knows?

When he does finally go to a safer environment, how would that affect him? Both positively and negatively? Would he feel like something is missing? Would his mind constantly tell him that this safe environment isn’t really safe?

Then of course, beyond these main 6 things, there’s the in between, what are Killer’s likes? His dislikes? How does he feel about sleep, food?

Generally when writing characters, it’s important to keep in mind interpersonal factors, intrapersonal factors and environmental factors that ends up affecting the character’s behavior, or in this specific situation, Killer’s behavior (god I’m realizing how much my uni major affects my writing of characters rn chchc)

But I say the biggest life saving advice I have that helps with writing characters in general (and especially complicated ones like Killer) is having the question “why” as your closest friend

When you make a statement about a character, in this instance Killer, always attach the question “why” at the end till you can’t attach it anymore, until you reach a point where asking “why” becomes unnecessary and annoying

For example:

“Killer loves golden flower tea”

Why?

It reminds him of the bed of golden flowers he passed out on

Why does that matter?

Because it was the point of no return from a change that will always dictate who he is

Why is it a point of no return?

Because his soul had deformed beyond recognition and it can never be brought back to how it used to be

Why would it dictate who he is? Why can’t he just choose to be someone else?

Because he was conditioned to be this killer by a higher power out of his control

At this point, there are no more “why”s that would make something as simple as a golden flower tea statement more nuanced than it already is, so when you ask why again, you find that you’re unable to continue giving an answer, that’s the point of where you stop

In fact, allow me to test you by giving you a quick question about your own interpretation of the characters, why does your Nightmare admire Error? What is in Error that Nightmare admires specifically?

Of course, you don’t really need to answer me, but I’m just giving you an example of how asking “why” can help you make so many simple things more nuanced

Ok but what if you know there should be an answer to a “why” but you don’t know it yet? Then you keep it in mind for later, you won’t always have the answers to everything on the get go, sometimes, you need a bit of time to figure things out and write characters the way you feel satisfy you, until then, you can work on other things about the characters

*Cough* anyway, this is honestly everything I can think of off the top of my head? Hopefully I didn’t miss anything ydfhgchchchc

Do let me know if you’d like any more help or need clarification on anything, I’d be happy to help where I can <33333

Now have a sketch of your 2 Killers cause I love them dearly, they have a special place in my heart (genuinely adore how you write Killer already btw)

[aventurineswife]

Hihihihihi! May I request reader x Dan Heng? Growing up, reader has always been a "Friend to all is a friend to none" type of person. They technically have a lot of friends, but none of them are close to reader as they have more closer friends, and it's just always been like that. Reader has gotten used to it and just thinks that maybe they're the type of person that no one wants.

Cut to reader and Dan Heng having a relationship and in one moment where they were just hanging out, reader suddenly sheds tears because they just can not fathom the thought that someone would actually dedicate themselves, pour all their heart and soul to a relationship with reader, and just reader. Reader still couldn't believe all the love they're getting from Dan Heng and just cries.

This is just totally self-indulgent, thank you!!!!

Never Meant to Be Forgotten

Summary: You struggle with feelings of unworthiness, believing that you're the type of person who will never experience deep, lasting love. However, when you're in a relationship with Dan Heng, you begin to question everything you've believed about yourself. After a quiet moment together, you're overcome with emotion and burst into tears, unable to fathom the love Dan Heng offers you. Dan Heng reassures you with unwavering support and affection, helping you realize that you are deserving of love and that he will always be there for you.

Tags: Dan Heng x Reader, Angst, Comfort, Emotional Overload, Slow Burn, Romance, Fluff, Self-Doubt, Love Confession.

Warnings: Minor Angst, Tearjerking, Mild Emotional Themes, Self-Worth Struggles.

A/N: I'm so sorry if you're going through something like this 😕, I wish I could help somehow but I hope this fic cheers you up, only if it's a little! Remember, you're not alone and are always loved! 🫂💖

The Astral Express hummed quietly in the background as you and Dan Heng sat near the observation deck, overlooking the vast, starry expanse of space. The air was calm, and the stars glittered like tiny fragments of light scattered across the infinite darkness. It was moments like these that felt like the world was at peace.

Dan Heng, as usual, was quiet. He often preferred the silence, the serenity, to the noise of social interaction. You admired his ability to sit in stillness without feeling the need to fill the air with words. It was something you wished you could do, something that had always felt just out of reach for you.

Growing up, you'd been the kind of person who had many acquaintances but no one who truly understood you. You were always the "friend to all, friend to none" type, moving through groups without ever forming the deeper, meaningful connections others seemed to build so effortlessly. People liked you, sure, but no one ever stayed. You had convinced yourself that maybe that was just the way it was—that you weren't meant for those kinds of connections, that perhaps, in the grand scheme of things, no one really wanted to get too close.

But with Dan Heng, things felt different. At first, you had kept your distance, wary of letting someone get too close to your heart. He, too, had his own walls, and you both seemed to dance around each other in cautious curiosity. Slowly, though, something deeper began to form. The walls that both of you had carefully built up began to erode, bit by bit. He had started showing you sides of himself, not the stoic, distant façade that most people saw, but the subtle warmth that lay beneath.

And you? You had opened up to him in ways that felt... natural. It felt like you didn't have to hide your feelings anymore, like he saw you—not just as another person in his life, but as someone he genuinely cared about.

But even now, despite all the time that had passed, you couldn't quite wrap your mind around the love he gave you. How could he, a man who carried so much weight on his shoulders, want to devote himself to someone like you?

You were lost in thought, staring out at the stars when you felt a soft touch on your shoulder. Dan Heng’s voice broke through the silence, calm and steady, as usual.

"Are you alright?"

You swallowed hard, forcing a smile onto your face, but it faltered almost immediately. Dan Heng’s gaze softened, his eyes searching yours, as if he could see right through the mask you tried so hard to wear. You had always been good at hiding your emotions, but with him, it was different. His presence, his care, it made everything feel so real.

And in that moment, it hit you—he actually loved you. Not just the version of you that you showed to the world, not the facade you had put up all these years. He loved you—you, the person you had convinced yourself was never meant to be loved. The one who was never worthy of that kind of devotion.

Tears welled up in your eyes before you could stop them, and before you knew it, they were streaming down your face. The sudden rush of emotion overwhelmed you, and you found yourself unable to hold back the sobs.

Dan Heng didn’t say a word. Instead, he immediately pulled you closer, his arms enveloping you in the quietest, most reassuring embrace. The action spoke louder than any words could. His touch was gentle, as if he knew how fragile you felt in that moment, as if he understood the storm raging inside of you.

“You don’t have to explain,” he whispered, his voice soothing, a soft rumble against your ear. “I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”

The sincerity in his words broke something inside you, and you cried even harder, your heart aching with a mix of joy and disbelief. You had never felt so seen, so cherished.

“I don’t... I don’t deserve this,” you whispered through your tears, shaking your head as if to convince yourself of the words. “I’ve never had anyone care about me this much. Not like this... Not just for me.”

Dan Heng’s fingers gently cupped your chin, lifting your face so that your eyes met his. His gaze was unwavering, his expression soft yet firm.

“You deserve every ounce of it,” he said quietly, his thumb brushing away the last of your tears. “You’ve always deserved to be loved. And I—” He paused, his voice dipping with the weight of something unspoken, something deep. “I will always choose you, no matter what.”

You stared at him, your chest tightening as you tried to process the truth in his words. It was as if a veil had been lifted, and for the first time in your life, you understood what it meant to be truly, unconditionally loved.

The thought was overwhelming, humbling, and for the first time in years, you allowed yourself to believe it.

“I love you, too,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.

Dan Heng didn’t need to respond with grand gestures or flowery words. He simply kissed your forehead, his arms tightening around you in a silent promise that this, the love between you, was real and unbreakable.

And for once, you believed it, too.

[vxsellie]

‧₊˚┊simple living things﹗

a hunger games!au ellie williams fanfiction.⌇ 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭 𝔦𝔦

summary. to give a final goodbye to someone you love is generally the last thing anyone would ever wish to do. though, when being shipped off to your death, it's the equivalent to being given a final meal whilst on death row.

content warnings. abuse, mentions of death, implications of murder, and (the worst of all) a lesbian breakup

total wc. 5,225

notes!! here she is! i wrote this in one sitting on the night before christmas, literally up until two am bc my thoughts wouldn't stop flowing (ive had writers block for the past few months so you couldn't pry my keyboard from my cold dead hands). anyway here she is! once again, reminder that it's better read on ao3!

𝜗𝜚 series masterlist ⸝⸝ playlist ⸝⸝ ao3 𝜗𝜚

14:45.

DISTRICT SEVEN.

“What were you thinking?” 

Despite how loud Marlene’s voice is, it sounds rather muffled. Ellie’s thoughts all jumble together into a plethora of unintelligible abstraction. This results in outside noises becoming equally as cryptic.

After the Reaping, both tributes were escorted into the Justice Building and forced into separate rooms. Having grown up amid the Games, Ellie’s aware that this is the part where she’s supposed to say her final goodbyes to her loved ones — an hour of time allotted to these farewells. And, despite knowing that all twenty-three other tributes are going through the same thing, Ellie couldn’t feel more alone. There’s a sickening sense of finality to this. Like she’s cattle bred and born to await death. Like there’s nothing more to her life aside from this — being Reaped to never return.

And, with the time given, Marlene has opted to use the entirety of her visit reprimanding Ellie for how she’d acted on stage. Not that she doesn’t deserve to be chastised, she knows she does, but it’s still fucked up.

See, after her name had been drawn, Ellie’s entire world fell out from under her feet. She knew there was a possibility of her name being drawn, she’d be a fool not to at least acknowledge that fact. But to look that fate in the eye and have no way of revoking it? That’s an entirely different pill to swallow. As she stood atop that stage, the escort’s piping voice ringing through her ears, Ellie simply could not seem to comprehend it. But then she felt a weight in her hand, a warmth. She turned to see Riley, her jaw set and her eyes darkened. She grabbed Ellie’s hand and hoisted it into the air.

To Ellie, it was a rather odd thing to do. But, as Marlene is pointing out presently, it was an act of defiance against the Capitol itself. Ellie had no idea. Not that she doubts it, what with Riley’s outward distaste for the government, but it just hadn’t dawned on her that the mere act of holding a friend’s hand would piss off the Capitol. It’s kinda funny.

“What could you possibly be laughing at?” Marlene groans, her pacing coming to a halt as she whips around to face Ellie. Her expression isn’t one of rage, as initially expected. Instead, it’s one of genuine panic. Well shit, apparently holding hands really is treason.

Ellie doesn’t respond, her face dropping instantly. She pins her gaze to the floor, staring at the same rusted nail she’s been looking at for the past ten minutes. In fact, she’d been so zoned out that she hadn’t picked up a single thing that Marlene was trying to say. Usually, this would amuse her. But now, with her impending doom so leering, she can’t help but feel ashamed. She may never see Marlene again. And then what? Her last memory of the girl she’d raised from infantry would be of her zoned out whilst curled into a ball on a dilapidated sofa. That’s rather pathetic, is it not?

She shudders, pulling her knees even closer to her chest at the thought. She doesn’t yet know who was Reaped from the other Districts, but she’s sure they aren’t all pouting on their couches like children. Still, she can’t seem to remove herself from this position — one of self comfort. 

Something touches her knee and she flinches, tearing her gaze from the floor. She looks up to see Marlene sitting beside her on the couch, her gaze softened. Ellie hadn’t even noticed her approach. Fuck. See, this is the exact thing she’s worried about. If she were to zone out like this in the arena, she'd be dead within minutes.

“You didn’t hear anything I just said, did you?” Marlene asks with a sigh. A wave of guilt washes over Ellie’s body before she nods, admittedly having heard nothing. “I was saying I’m sorry. I don’t mean to shout at you like this, especially considering the situation. I’m only lecturing you because I’m worried. I’ve seen the Capitol kill people for less than holding hands.”

Ellie shakes her head, though the act is faraway. “The Capitol can’t kill us now that we’re tributes. To do so would only result in more defiance from the viewers. They’re anticipating a show, to kill off the characters would be antiprogressive.”

“No, but they can surely make your time in the arena worse.” Marlene points out. 

Ellie thins her lips at this, but ultimately says nothing. This is not what she wants to hear right before being sent to her death. She wants consolation and comfort, not reminders of how little control she has in her own life. But that’s just how Marlene is — she gets stressed and rambles. Most of the time, it's a harmless habit. Right now, though, it’s proving to be rather taxing.

“Look,” She sighs, “I’m not good at this whole thing, talking. Everyone knows that. It’s– Well, it’s the entire reason I never had any kids of my own.” She sighs again trying desperately to make sense of her thoughts and word them in a way that doesn’t sound like an insult. “I never wanted children, but raising you was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. Losing you would thereby be the worst thing to ever happen to me. I only shouted at you because your safety means everything. But— you’re strong, Ellie, and so very brave. If you put your mind to it, you can make it out of that arena. I believe in you. All you have to do is believe in yourself.”

Ellie is certain that’s the most Marlene has ever spoken in one go without shouting or giving up halfway through. And for that, she’s grateful. Ellie swallows harshly, her throat suddenly feeling too big for her neck. She leans forward.

She doesn’t hug Marlene, not necessarily. She simply flops into her, thumping her forehead onto her shoulder. Her body is stiff and her jaw is clenched tight, but the act of the touch still carries a sense of sentimentality to it. Especially considering she and Marlene never hug. In fact, she thinks she only ever hugged her once in her whole life. Again, it’s not anything to pity her for, it’s just their relationship. A fact of life. Some people are touchy, others aren't. And Marlene is definitely among those who are not.

She rubs a hand up and down Ellie’s back, though it’s more so to do something with her hands rather than to comfort her. 

They remain like that for a long time, sitting in silence because neither of them are skilled at voicing their emotions. Ellie’s mind continues to move at a million thoughts per second, though it slows a little in the absence of Marlene’s shouting.

Roughly twenty minutes go by before Marlene pulls away. She has a hand on each of Ellie’s shoulders, a foot between their faces. She stares at her, brown eyes flicking across each one of her features, as though to memorize her before departure. Ellie mimics her, taking in the sight of the woman who raised her — from the slope of her nose to the arc of her brows. Afterall, this might be her last time to do so. No matter how hard she believes in herself.

“I ought to go visit Riley.” Marlene says with an awkward cough, standing from the couch. “She doesn’t have any family aside from you and I.”

It’s true. Riley’s family is rather complicated seeing as she doesn’t have any. It took seven years of being Riley’s friend before she confided in Ellie about her past. And, after hearing it, she couldn’t blame her for her hesitance. 

Her father was a rebel. He hated the Capitol and everything related to it. He wasn’t married to Riley’s mother when she got pregnant, hadn’t even been dating. They simply had a fling and moved on — hence his oblivion to the fact that she’d been a Peacekeeper. Riley’s dad lived a life of tranquil solitude, aside from frequent whippings as punishment for opposing the Capitol so vocally. Truly, he’d been lucky to not be assassinated on the spot for his insubordination. The entirety of Seven knew him for his rebellious nature.

So, when Riley’s mother came forth with an infant in her arms, he was shocked. He couldn’t believe that she’d gotten pregnant. Though, more importantly, he couldn’t believe she was a fucking Peacekeeper. He tried to keep his calm, civilly agreeing to partial custody over their daughter. 

But, when Riley was about four years old, their refined consensus came to an abrupt end. They got into an argument. And a bad one, at that. Nobody knows the exact details to its origin or entailments, but it’s widely known how it ended — Riley’s mother dead and her father as an Avox for the Capitol. His punishment for her murder.

Riley subsequently grew up in an orphanage, though she inherited her father’s rebellious nature and oftentimes escaped over the fence. She’d spent more time in the woods than she had in the decelit building — chopping wood and climbing trees and visiting the Hob. She’d grown rather skilled at it, the illegality of escaping. She met Ellie in elementary. She’d been scaling the fence, intending to flee the school. Ellie had caught her and insisted she teach her how to do it. Begrudgingly, Riley agreed. From there, with many details gone unmentioned, they became friends. Now look at them Reaped for the Hunger Games together. Ugly ending to a beautiful story.

“Yeah.” Ellie agrees curtly to Marlene’s suggestion. “Yeah, she’d appreciate that, I think.”

Marlene nods in agreement prior to turning on her heel and exiting the room.

Ellie sits alone for a few minutes, returning to her humiliating fetal position. She hugs her legs to her chest, dirty shoes on the cushion of the couch. Though the sofa isn’t in the best shape considering the prodding springs and frayed stuffing. She rests her chin on her knee, staring at the rusty nail she’s grown so fond of.

She’s not sure how long she sits like that before a knock is heard at the door. She groggily tells them to enter, causing the door to creak on its hinges. A face pokes inside prior to the body attached. Cat.

Her black hair is done up, pinned into a purposefully messy bun, bangs cut shorter than usual. It looks put together, but in that I-woke-up-like-this way. Her eyelids are colored in a shiny crimson, her lips in the same glossy tint. Her skin looks inhumanly smooth, her eyebrows impossibly thin. She’s wearing a strapless baby pink dress that’s uncomfortably close to the shade of her skin, coming to her midthigh. Her shoes are the same red as her eyes and lips, clicking against the wooden floor as she walks. She looks like a Capitolite in the way her features are accentuated, though human enough for Ellie to still find her attractive

She instantly straightens, confused. “Why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be on a train to the Capitol?”

“Well,” Cat begins, shutting the door softly behind her as she walks over to the couch Ellie is curled atop. She sits down beside her, the cushion dipping under her weight, which instinctively pulls Ellie toward her. “I caused a bit of a scene, insisting I had to see you. And, considering it’s a hassle to find another stylist so late into the Games, I simply dared them to fire me. They didn’t, of course, and instead opted to just give me time to see you, albeit minimal.”

Ellie laughs, though the sound is hollow. This draws a tight expression from Cat as she takes in the sight of the girl before her. Ellie suddenly feels self conscious, wearing a wrinkled linen shirt while Cat looks like a literal fucking deity. Not to mention the pathetic way she’s presenting herself — small and weak. She sits upright, swallowing as she runs her hands down her shirt in a futile attempt at flattening it.

Cat stops her, placing a hand on her wrist. Ellie looks at the place where she touches her, taking in the sight of her perfectly done nails. Baby pink with crimson colored accents. God, every single detail of her is altered for the Capitol’s preference.

“I got you something.” Cat whispers, removing her hand from her wrist to reach into the purse Ellie hadn’t even noticed she carried with her. She holds out her hand, a small piece of metal resting in the center of her palm. A ring, in the shape of a moth. The body is the centerpiece, the wings made to wrap around the finger. “Here,” Cat grabs Ellie’s hand, pulling it forward before slipping the ring onto her index. 

“I love it,” Ellie breathes, holding her hand out in front of her to admire the ring.

“I made it myself.” Cat says. Ellie should have guessed. She knew Cat enjoyed making jewelry, using spoons and other random hunks of metal to concoct something ugly into something pretty. She’s spoken of the hobby before, though she’s never revealed any of the end products. This is Ellie’s first time seeing one of them.

She suddenly recalls the rule that tributes are permitted to bring one token into the arena from home. One thing to remind them of their identities — which are sure to be lost in the Games. Ellie had completely forgotten about the rule, it never having crossed her mind. But looking at this ring now, she’s certain this is the perfect thing to bring. A reminder of home. Not of a place, but of a person. Of Cat.

“I love it.” Ellie repeats more furtively, turning to kiss her.

However, before their mouths are able to touch, Cat lifts her hand to Ellie’s chest. She pushes her away. And, though the act is as gentle as possible, Ellie still feels as though she’d been shoved. She leans back. Cat’s expression is pained, not at all matching the cheerful makeup she wears.

She shakes her head, eyes squeezed shut. “I love you, Ellie. Truly. A part of me likely forever will. But– to be in love with you would only end in causing us both an insurmountable quantity of pain. I can’t consciously do that to you. Even our current relationship is deteriorating your mental health. You’re too dependent on what we have, too afraid to lose it. To allow you to continue down this road would be wrong of me. To even have begun it was wrong. And now that you’re going into the arena, I just– adding yet another burden to your shoulder would be wholly immoral.”

Ellie doesn’t know when, but amid that confession, she’d begun crying. Not just due to the breakup, though, if she could even consider it that. But due to everything. Riley distancing herself recently, the Reaping, Marlene’s shouting, Marlene’s halfhearted farewell, and now this? On top of it all?

“So you’re breaking up with me to ease your own fucking conscience?” Ellie snaps. She doesn't mean to say it. She doesn’t. It’s just all become so much for her to carry. And it’s so easy to drop it on Cat after what she’d just done.

“No.” She insists, nigh pleading in her denial. “Ellie, no, you know that’s not what I’m saying.”

“Then why even give me this?” She asks, holding out her hand with the ring on it. “For me to bring a reminder of your absence into the arena?”

“No, no.” Cat continues to deny Ellie’s accusations. “Not to remind you that I left, but to remind you why I left.”

Ellie scoffs, “Now you’re just saying shit. You’re not even trying to make sense.”

“Moths, Ellie.” She says, grabbing her hand in desperation for her to just fucking listen. “They’re attracted to the light. No matter where they go or– or what environment they’re placed in, they find a light. Something to always keep them going. Something to fight for. Something to reach. I’m holding you back, don’t you see? I don’t want you to fight to get home. I want you to fight because you know you’re worth it. You’re worth living for, even without me or Riley or Marlene. For you. Be your own moth, your own light.”

Ellie wipes roughly at her face, fists scrubbing at her eyes painfully. She wishes she had something clever to say. Something smart that would make Cat rethink everything. But all she can muster is a mumbled, “Moths are fucking ugly.”

14:45.

DISTRICT FOUR.

Your ears are ringing, a loud chiming sound that makes your head swim. Despite this, you keep your chin high as your mother shouts orders at you. You’ve long since tuned her out, which is something you’d never had dared to do prior to the Reaping. But you’re being sent to the arena — you’ll either die in there and never see her again, or you’ll come back a victor and thereby be of higher status than her. Whatever you do now matters naught.

She’s rambling on about something regarding orders to return home. Not because she cares for your wellbeing, but because it’d shame the entire family if you were to die on live television. 

She’s standing across the room from you, her pale blue dress somehow perfectly cleaned despite the journey she made across the grassy courtyard to the Justice Building. Her wrinkled face is contorted into an unreadable expression, the illegibility irritating you. Her golden cane is perched under her clasped hands. God, the woman is the embodiment of power despite having earned none. 

“I get it.” You cut her off, tone just as sharpened as hers, almost as though you’d spent years honing it into a blade serrated enough to challenge her. “I’ll come back. If not, you’ll be embarrassed. Poor you, right?”

The expression of shock on her face is almost worth the punishment — which ends up being hit by the end of her cane. Had it been the usual wood, the pain would be tolerable. But it’s pure gold, causing your mouth to fill with blood. You spit onto the floor and she begins to reprimand you for doing that, deeming it to be improper. You ignore her, massaging your newly bruised face.

The punishment for your statement would likely have been far more severe if you weren’t destined to be put on camera for the country to gawk at. A wound on your face would be shameful. A bruise, though? Your prep team can surely cover that up with a bit of makeup.

She finishes her castigation, seeming to have worn herself out. She then turns and storms out of the room. You almost didn’t notice her swift exit, as she’d made no effort to say goodbye or wish you luck. Just ten minutes of shouting prior to causing a splitting headache and a bruise to the jaw, uncaring to hear you utter a single syllable. Best mom ever.

See, most people deem this event as emotional — an hour allotted to parting ways with your loved ones. But your mother doesn't see this as a parting. She expects to irrefutably see you again. And very shortly, at that.

You’re alone in the room for only a few seconds before a shy knock is heard at the door. You’re confused by this, unsure of who else could be here to see you. “Come in.” You call out, moving to stand over the stain of blood you’d left on the shiny hardwood floor. Thankfully, your dress is long enough that the skirts cover up the space beneath you.

The door opens and a wrinkly old man pops inside. Your lips part at the sight of mister Alden entering the room. You rush forward, offering your aid in his walking. He takes it, looping his arm around the crease of yours.

There’s a small couch with two cushions in the corner of the room. You walk him over to it, easing him onto the sofa before sitting next to him. You cross your legs, “What are you doing here? I know it’s a far journey from where you live.”

He sighs, “You’re like a daughter to me, Y/n. And, though neither of us are willing to address that aloud, we’re both well aware of it. I’ve known you since you were three years old and just learning how to walk. In fact, I can vividly recall the very day I’d met you — you were asleep on your brother’s back, clinging to him like a sloth as he made the trek down to the docks. You were such a small thing, then. Chubby little face and a diaper that didn’t fit.” He smiles fondly, looking at you as though he still views you that way, a baby. “The point is, to not visit you would be cruel. And I’m not a cruel man.”

Your eyes burn as you listen to him. He’s right. You both know it. You and Ruben are like children to him. And he is definitely not a cruel man. You wonder if he’d visited Ruben when he was Reaped. Probably. But you don’t dare ask, not wanting to speak of your brother any more than necessary.

“Oh!” He jolts as though he’d just remembered something vitally important. 

You watch as mister Alden reaches into the pocket of his coat and pulls out a dainty necklace. A white pearl resides in the center, acting as a pendant to the thin silver chain. Your gaze softens as you look at it hanging between his shaky fingers.

“It’s beautiful.” You tell him.

“I want you to have it, to take it into the arena.” He says. “You remember my granddaughter, the one who was facing her first Reaping today? She made it for herself, and planned to wear it into the arena had her name been drawn. She spent weeks searching for the perfect pearl, then another few weeks saving up money to buy the chain.”

Your chest twists at hearing this. You could easily buy something like this from a small shop down by the beaches. It wouldn’t even cost you a day’s allowance. You shake your head. “I can’t take this from her. It’s too special.”

“I insist.” Says he. “When she heard your name called, she instantly turned to me, slipped the necklace into my pocket, and demanded that I bring it to you.” He lets out a light chuckle. “Her ferocity reminds me of you, actually. I don’t even remember telling her about my visits to your house. No shock she found out, though, she’s so bright for her age.”

With a grunt, he pushes to his feet. You rush to do the same, standing beside him in case he needs assistance. Instead of asking for aid, he tells you to turn around. Without hesitation, you oblige. You then feel something cold wrap around your neck. You look down to see the thin necklace now placed across your collarbones. It’s absolutely stunning. Mister Alden fumbles with the clasp, his shaky hands struggling to work the tiny thing.

When he finally gets it on, you turn around to see that he has tears in his eyes. He takes in the sight of the pearl necklace paired with the navy dress, the silver chain matching the silver diamonds adorning it. He nods, wiping roughly at his eyes. “You’ve grown into such a lovely young woman.”

You swallow the lump in your throat before pulling him into a hug, having to hunch over a bit due to his lack of height. He hugs you back, sniffling. It’s rather telling that the random stranger that you buy your seafood from is more caring than anyone in your family. But he’s not a stranger, is he?

After a few minutes of sentimental embrace, he finally parts from you and leaves. On the way out, you catch a glimpse of a tear rolling down his cheek, the droplet catching the light for a split second.

Alone in the room with about ten minutes remaining, you walk over to the window. You look at your reflection in the shined glass, taking in the sight of the necklace. Knowing how long it’d taken to create only adds to its beauty. The dresses your mother has fitted for you are paltry; replaceable. But this? Nobody could recreate the months spent making it, nor could they recreate the small hands that did so.

The sound of footsteps entering the room draws you from your thoughts. You catch his reflection in the window before he’s even fully through the door. Your entire body tenses, something shifting in the air at his presence. Something deep, deep inside you. Like the atoms that make up your very being have been furtively yearning for this moment. For his proximity.

You turn to face him fully.

Ruben.

You’ve seen him around, of course. You’d seen him less than an hour ago. Everyone has seen him, what with the Capitol flashing him around nigh as much as the country’s flag. He’s their brightest diamond and their largest star — the abnormal mixture of UY Scuti with Sirius, creating something impossible to tear one's eyes away from.

You two have spoken as well, albeit in short increments and only when mandatory. So, truly, you’re not sure if it counts in terms of conversation.

He shuts the door slowly, facing you with an unreadable expression. No– that can’t be right. You could always read him, you could always understand him. But right now, not a single word comes to mind as you look at him. He’s a closed book that you’d once memorized every page of.

He stares at you for a moment, gaze lingering on the bruise forming on your cheek. You wonder if you should hide it or not. But he likely knows exactly how it was induced — knowing the feel of your mother’s cane all too well, as he’d grown up taking hits for you daily. It takes a few minutes, but he eventually tears his eyes from your face and looks around the room, looking at the intricate ceiling or the swaying chandelier.

“Been a while, huh?” He huffs a laugh, though it’s dry and lacking any scrap of genuine humor.

You think about this, about what he said. It’s been a while. The world’s biggest understatement, that is. You’re suddenly filled with an immeasurable amount of rage. It’s been eleven fucking years. And he has the nerve to say it’s been a while?

Eleven years since he was Reaped. Eleven years since he was the one in this room. Eleven years since you came to visit him, sobbing and begging him not to go to the arena. Eleven years since Ruben returned from the arena. Eleven years since your brother never returned. Eleven years since the boy who raised you, who protected you, who taught you to walk and talk and eat, vanished.

You say nothing to him, not trusting yourself to speak without either screaming or crying. Or, most likely, both. So, insead, you remain silent.

Ruben sighs, leaning back against the wall with crossed arms. Something about that action makes you visibly wince. He’s so confident. The Ruben you knew was an awkward young boy, made complete with lanky limbs and oversized eyes. Strange little habits — like the way he didn’t ever know what to do with his arms, or the way he always tapped his left foot when he was nervous — made him human. But not anymore. He now knows exactly what to do with his arms and he wouldn’t dare show when he’s nervous. His humanity is just another thing the Capitol stripped him of.

“You don’t have to say anything, just listen.” Says Ruben. He then inhales deeply, his jaw set and eyes piercing; a Capitolite in all but name. “This is the last time we won’t be monitored. After leaving this room, everything will be tracked and recorded and analyzed — the train, the center, the arena. From here, you’re never alone. Even in the bathrooms, privacy doesn’t exist.”

You narrow your eyes at him, “So you’re saying you need to tell me something the Capitol can’t hear?”

“Yeah,” He breathes, “Exactly.”

“Okay, so what is?” You ask, crossing your arms over your chest. Of course that’s what he’s here for. Not to wish you well or say goodbye — though he likely also expects you to win; he was raised by the same monsters, after all — but, instead, to warn you. To make sure you survive the arena so as to not penetrate the family name.  

“Something is wrong with this year’s Reapings.” He explains. “Districts Two and Three both had a pair of siblings Reaped – Lev and Yara from Two, Sam and Henry from Three. Then, if that weren’t enough proof as is, Districts Five and Seven both Reaped a set of best friends — Selene Jones and Ariande Evans from Five, Riley Abel and Ellie Williams from Seven. Not to mention the pair of lovers that were Reaped from Six — Roland Jennings and Archie Bardot.”

You take in what Ruben is saying, thinking hard about it. You were Reaped alongside a small child, a little boy who you’d never seen before in your life. That doesn't seem rigged, but there ought to be some kind of intentional malice behind it.

“How do you know all of this?” You ask, though you know the answer. “The Reapings haven’t aired yet.”

“I know people.” He says rather ashamedly, as though he’s already aware of the kind of reaction this will draw from you. 

Anger sparks up once more at the mention of his ties to the Capitol. Not only is he using the Capitol to help you in the games — a perk no other tribute has — but he’s managed to fucking memorize every name name of importance. You don’t want to be treated as some sort of celebrity. You were Reaped with equally poor luck as Lev, Henry, or Ellie; or whatever their names were. You should therefore be held to the same expectations, not given hints into the Games. Which, by the way, is highly illegal. Not like Ruben would be punished. He could probably murder a Peacekeeper on stage and manage to get away with it. 

It makes you sick.

“Okay, great.” You bite. “You told me what you needed, you can leave now.” “No, Y/n, you’re not understanding.” He insists, taking a step forward. You take one backward, almost on instinct. A pained expression crosses his face, though it vanishes just as quick as it’d appeared. He sighs, running a hand down his face. “These tributes won’t be killing for the sake of winning, they’ll be killing to save themselves alongside their loved ones. Had you and I been in the arena together, our strength would have doubled. Just imagine that. For at least five other Districts, their wills to live are multiplied. And the—”

His words are cut off as the door slams open and Peacekeepers come filing into the room to rudely announce that your time is up. It’s time to board the train to the Capitol. To the Games.

[post] notes!! don't really have any (for once), i'm just so so so so excited for u guys to read this bc i write things way prior to posting bc i like to proofread like 50 time before releasing it. anyway yeah, u guys barely know abt this bad boy while im typing this

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 perm. taglist @luvsturniolo @kasqnxx @xlovla @ilovewomenfr @zzombiegirl @shawangel @defnoteleonor @fatbootymuncher @autisticintr0vert

⊹ ࣪ ˖𐙚 series taglist @kirammanss.  @dsybouquet.   @serraphinm.   @smellovie.   @sakiigami.   @opt1mistic.   @spacecinnamonbuns.   @clouded-whispers.    @sappicarribean.   @corpsebridenightmare.     @jaliyah-s.    @pixiec4t.    @chappellroankisser.   @mxquelo.    @vahnilla.

[nenelonomh]

authenticity & confidence

i happen to believe that the key to self-acceptance is authenticity. the key to confidence and feeling good about yourself is being yourself.

authenticity is important for several reasons, and while it doesn't always equal confidence, the two are closely related. here's why authenticity matters:

genuine connections: being authentic allows you to form deeper and more meaningful relationships. people are naturally drawn to sincerity and are more likely to trust and connect with someone who is genuine. this authenticity creates a deeper emotional connection, as people feel understood and valued. it also reduces uncertainty, making interactions more predictable and less stressful.

self-acceptance: embracing your true self helps you accept and love who you are, flaws and all. this self-acceptance is a crucial foundation for building confidence.

reduced stress: constantly trying to be someone you're not can be exhausting and stressful. authenticity removes the pressure of maintaining a facade, leading to a more relaxed and fulfilling life.

personal growth: being true to yourself allows you to identify your strengths and weaknesses accurately, which is essential for personal development and growth.

does authenticity = confidence?

when you are authentic, you are more likely to feel comfortable in your own skin. this comfort can lead to increased confidence because you're not constantly second-guessing yourself or fearing exposure.

authenticity fosters trust both in yourself and from others. when you trust yourself and feel trusted by others, your confidence naturally grows. authenticity means accepting your imperfections.

when you stop striving for an unrealistic ideal, you become more confident in who you are. authenticity is a key ingredient in building lasting confidence. while you can be confident without being entirely authentic, true and sustainable confidence often stems from embracing and expressing your genuine self.

how to be authentic

ੈ♡˳ self-reflection: take time to understand your values, beliefs, and what truly matters to you. journaling, meditation, or simply spending time alone can help you gain clarity about who you are.

ੈ♡˳ embrace imperfections: no one is perfect. accept your flaws and weaknesses as part of your unique identity. this radical self-acceptance is crucial for authenticity.

ੈ♡˳ be honest: speak your truth, even if it's uncomfortable. honesty builds trust and allows you to connect with others (and yourself) on a deeper level.

ੈ♡˳ set boundaries: know your limits and communicate them clearly. setting boundaries helps you stay true to yourself and avoid situations that compromise your values.

ੈ♡˳ stay true to your values: make decisions that align with your core beliefs, even if they're not the easiest or most popular choices.

ੈ♡˳ be consistent: let your actions align with your words. consistency reinforces your authenticity and builds credibility with others.

ੈ♡˳ listen to your intuition: trust your gut feelings and instincts. they often guide you toward what feels right and authentic for you.

ੈ♡˳ surround yourself with supportive people: spend time with those who accept and encourage your true self. positive relationships can boost your confidence and help you stay authentic.

ੈ♡˳ practice self-compassion: be kind to yourself, especially when you make mistakes. self-compassion fosters a healthy relationship with yourself and supports your journey toward authenticity.

you got this,, i believe in you! i hope this post was helpful

🫶nene

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[tapiocakisses]

keigo takami × reader | minors dni

tags : fluff, slight angst, love confessions, name reveal

warnings : implied sexual content

"I'm done in the bathroom." You announced, walking into the bedroom in some of Hawks' spare clothes. He says they're his clothes, but you know he got them for you. They didn't have the holes in the back for his wings, and they weren't his exact size. You've been at his apartment a lot over the past several months – it's been nearly a year doing this with Hawks. "You have some spare clothes in the basket there." You gestured to the door and picked up the discarded clothes. You threw your dirty clothes in the hamper next to the bedroom door. He'd wash them for you tomorrow.

Hawks didn't say anything, but he watched you clean up everything. As he stared, there was a certain feeling in the air, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

You turned to the hero and frowned slightly. "Hawks?" You asked, walking over to him and gently touching his cheek. "You okay?"

Seemingly snapping out of a trance, Hawks nodded quickly. "Yeah." He gave you a weak smile. "I'm fine. I'll get cleaned up in the bathroom." You nod and drop your hand from his face, watching him with slightly furrowed brows. The hero gave you a reassuring smile, but it seemed a bit tight. He looked distracted.

Hawks got up from his spot on the bed, feeling the blanket fall off his waist and reveal his naked form. He felt his face redden some as he grabbed the blanket to cover himself. You let out a small chuckle as you used the smaller towel in your other hand to dry yourself off and stepped out of his way. "Go ahead. Don't take too long, okay?"

Hawks nodded, the blush still prominent on his face as he practically scurried to the bathroom. You laughed to yourself at the sight, finding it cute. His serious demeanor in battle and carefree attitude with fans and the public were very different from these moments. Haws seemed more authentic and his real self. It didn’t feel forced.

It was a comforting thought.

Half an hour later, Hawks climbed back into the bed with you, laying on his side to face you. You were on your stomach, scrolling through some videos. You looked up from your screen as you saw the hero lying beside you. A red wing draped over your body as he slid further into the bed. The feathers were soft but also a little sharp around the edges. Almost the opposite of Hawks. He had more rough edges than he let on. Like a piece of broken Plexiglas. He doesn't do much damage, but he can hurt you if you're not careful.

Hawks is the type you handle with care.

"How are you feeling?" You ask, voice airy and quiet as your fingers brushed through Hawks' feathers. The tips of your fingers played with the base of some of the smaller ones. A shiver made its way through Hawks' body, feeling your comforting touch on his wings. "Comfortable… and satiated, I think." Hawks let out a light laugh.

This one was very different from him usual laughs. Those were loud and casual. This seemed genuine and softer. Hawks had a gentle air about him in these moments. When the doors and windows were closed, the room was dark, and he was in bed with his favorite person - you.

It was comforting being with you. He knew he had so many secrets he couldn't dare share without putting everything (you) at risk. He loves the peace you give him. He loves how you make him feel. You're pure, divine love. You look at him without shame or anger. You're stronger than he could ever be. You've captured his heart and his soul. He loves you more than he'll ever love himself.

Hawks stared at you silently, allowing you to feel over each feather. It was comforting to have someone touching him so tenderly. It was like you loved him.

"I never expected this," you whisper as you're raking your fingers through his feathers. "You know that I'd be sleeping with the Hawks."

"Keigo."

"What?"

"My name. It's Keigo… Keigo Takami."

You stare at Hawks - no, Keigo - for a while, unsure of what to say.

"Wh - What? Hawks -"

"Keigo." He corrects, grabbing your hand in his. "Call me Keigo. Please." He practically begs. "I need to hear it."

After staring into Keigo's eyes for a few moments, you oblige him. "Okay, Keigo." His name feels heavy on your tongue, but it felt so natural to say. You could see the way the tension left his body. He looked vulnerable and almost scared.

"Keigo." You repeat, pulling your hand from his wing to touch his face. Keigo leaned into your touch and sighed, visibly relieved. He looked up at you with his cute, doey eyed expression. "Why did you tell me your name?" You question.

Keigo only shrugged. "Because I love you." He confessed. He said it like it was the most normal thing in the world — falling in love with the person he swore he wouldn't.

"Keigo…" you said slowly, pulling your hand from his cheek - not missing his small pout - and began sitting up. You put your hands in your lap. "I thought we agreed not to fall in love…" You paused to look at him. "This is just sex… right?"

Keigo shook his head and sat up. "Not anymore. I love you, [Name]." He repeated himself. He reached a hand out to touch your shoulder, only to stop it an inch or so away. "Do you… not love me?"

You frowned at the pain - the desperation - in his voice. You finally face him, that same pleading look in his eyes. You stared back at Keigo, lips parted slightly as you tried to force the words out your mouth.

"Of course I love you." You whisper. "I just…" You bit the inside of your cheek. "I don't know." You sigh. "I didn't want to lose this." You gestured between your bodies. "You've seen parts of myself I haven't shown anyone ever. I don't know what I'd do if I lost this… security."

A smile tugged at Keigo's lips as he took his turn holding your face in his hands. "It's like for me too." He whispered. "You're my first everything, [Name]. You're the first person I've loved and I want you to know that. I want this to be more than sex, more than casual…"

Keigo grabbed your hand into his and kissed the back of it. "I want to be yours." He looked up at you through his eyelashes, his smile growing. He looked like such a dork like that.

A sweet, romantic dork.

"Are you sure? What about everything we wanted to avoid? The press, crazed fans…" You frown, the worry digging into you. You had an agreement. Throwing caution to the wind seemed like a bad idea.

But to be with Hawks? To be with Keigo? The man who just shared a sacred part of himself with you? You'd take that chance.

"We'll figure it out, [Name]." Keigo whispered, lowering your joined hands and leaning in slightly. "You're smart and I'm optimistic." He tilted his head as a lopsided smile pulled at his lips. "We're a powerhouse, dove."

A short laugh escapes your lips. "A powerhouse, huh?" You raise an eyebrow and lightly bonk your forehead on his. Keigo pouted before nodding. "Yes."

"I guess that wouldn't be too bad." You agree.

"It'll be amazing, my dove." Keigo promised, leaning in to finally kiss you as your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend.

Your Keigo.

[squiddviscous]

Rereading the manga at the moment and there's two things that I've noticed about Maxwell (that do not make him less of a villain, just an even more tragic one).

First, not only does he seem to have been quite publicly losing the plot for so long that no one in their right mind could have seen fit to just hand him an army and a green light to do whatever the fuck he thought best without expecting something to go as it did, but also some of the early scenes with him discussing plans with Anderson and the Pope seem pretty much like the Vatican, if not exactly planned for him to attack England, weren’t too bothered if he did.

Which makes his very young appointment as Iscariot leader make a bit more sense. He’s shown as being bright, but by no means brilliant, and there are clearly others just as ruthless but a bit more level-headed than him who could have done the job (Makube is older than him). So my new headcanon is that he was probably groomed for the position from very early on, so that Iscariot could be lead by someone who was prepared to do something others wouldn’t (and that they couldn’t dirty their own hands by asking him to do), but was so isolated from anyone who cared about him, and from such ‘sinful’ origins that if and when he did do those things that they couldn’t directly order him to, they could easily wash their hands of him and come across blameless themselves.

Second, for being such a fanatic, he doesn’t actually seem particularly religious. This is me headcanoning again, but if he does actually believe in a God, then he hates him (like he hate everything else, himself and Anderson included). When he dies, he talks about having always been alone, which is at odds with the idea of God being with or loving him, that you’d expect to be something he feels if he truly does believe. So rather than being a genuine fanatic, it seems more like he’s just utterly, utterly misanthropic and disappointed in God (and thinks somehow he could do a better job).

I also get this impression from the way he acts earlier in the manga – gleefully pointing out the Vatican’s hypocrisy to Integra like some kind of teenage edgelord and having Heinkel kill that other bishop for defending them aiding Millenium. He really does just feel contempt for absolutely everything (self included).

Yknow. I think that Enrico Maxwell doesn't get enough attention in the hellsing Fandom, because he's one of the most fascinating tragedies in hellsing.

He's introduced as an arrogant prick with clear malice for Integra, but there's so much to that interaction that can be read into.

Because you have such minimal backstory that tells the whole story. As a child, Maxwell asks Anderson if he was no longer wanted because he was a bastard; Maxwell is a child of infidelity, and it's very clear that he was reminded of that consistently, during his formation years.

Mind you, he's around 10-12 when he's given up, which means he spent all of his formative years in an abusive home, implied to be neglectful and verbally abusive. He clearly blames himself for the abuse, considering how determined he is to "make his parents regret giving him up". This leaves room for so much interpretation, and it seems that he believed wholeheartedly that he was the problem, he wasn't enough, he wasn't good enough... as a child.

He's shown to have an almost immediate mood swing when meeting Integra. From an attempt to be amicable to immediate hostility when her reaction isn't mirroring his, so he goes to mirror the hostility that he personally sees. He is incredibly reactive as an adult, when as a child he was quite apathetic in most cases, or downright stubborn and resentful. Really think about his reactions to things, with such immediate mood changes, swinging wildly from amicable to cruelty right back to amicable; he's responding to what he sees.

There really is so much to analyze with him because there's so much substance within the little interactions he has. Because he's gone from an adult child to a childish adult and that is something that I'm so fascinated with because THERE'S SO MUCH MORE TO HIM THAN IS GIVEN CREDIT FOR

[mya-valentine]

The Man Beneath the Infinity

Synopsis: Despite his immense power, Gojo realizes he can't protect you from everything.

The night began like any other. The gentle hum of the city filtered through the windows of the apartment you shared with Satoru Gojo. Despite his eccentric personality and immense power, your home was surprisingly modest—a reflection of the simpler life he craved when he wasn’t standing at the apex of the sorcerer world.

You sat cross-legged on the couch, scrolling through your phone absentmindedly, while Gojo lay sprawled out beside you, his head resting in your lap. His blindfold had been pulled down around his neck, revealing those striking blue eyes that always seemed to glimmer with mischief, even in the dim light. But tonight, something about his gaze was different. Softer, quieter. Vulnerable, even.

“Hey,” you murmured, brushing a hand through his snowy hair. “You’re unusually quiet tonight. What’s going on in that giant head of yours?”

“Giant? Rude,” he pouted, but his heart wasn’t in it. He shifted slightly, turning to look up at you, his eyes catching yours. For a moment, he said nothing, just stared as though memorizing every detail of your face. “Just thinking about stuff.”

“That’s new,” you teased, trying to lighten the mood. But your smile faltered when he didn’t laugh or make a snarky comeback.

“Satoru?” you asked, your voice softening. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed, his hand coming up to rest on your knee. “You know how much I love you, right?”

The sudden seriousness of his tone made your heart skip a beat. “Of course I do. What’s this about?”

For once, Gojo seemed at a loss for words. He sat up, running a hand through his hair and letting out a frustrated sigh. You’d seen him fight curses that could obliterate cities without breaking a sweat, but this—whatever this was—seemed to genuinely trouble him.

“I’m the strongest,” he began, his voice quieter than you’d ever heard it. “Everyone says that. Hell, I say that. And it’s true. I can protect people, destroy curses, keep the balance. But…” He turned to you, his expression uncharacteristically raw. “I can’t protect you from everything.”

The weight of his words hung in the air between you. Your chest tightened as you reached out, placing a hand on his cheek. “Satoru, where is this coming from? Did something happen?”

He leaned into your touch, closing his eyes for a moment before pulling you into his arms. The suddenness of the gesture startled you, but you didn’t pull away. Instead, you wrapped your arms around him, holding him as tightly as he held you.

“There are things out there, things even I can’t control,” he admitted, his voice muffled against your shoulder. “I can’t bear the thought of losing you. Not to a curse, not to anything.”

Your heart ached at the vulnerability in his voice. This was a side of Gojo he rarely, if ever, showed to anyone. The world saw him as untouchable, invincible. But here, in the privacy of your home, he was just a man terrified of losing the person he loved most.

“Satoru,” you whispered, pulling back just enough to look into his eyes. “You don’t have to carry this burden alone. I know how dangerous your world is, but I chose to be with you. I knew the risks, and I don’t regret a second of it. I’m not going anywhere.”

His arms tightened around you as if he were afraid you’d disappear if he let go. “I know you’re strong. Stronger than most people I know. But I can’t help it. You’re my everything.”

You didn’t know what to say. The sheer intensity of his emotions left you speechless. So instead, you pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, letting your actions speak for you.

For the rest of the night, Gojo stayed close—closer than usual. He insisted on doing everything for you, from getting you a glass of water to fluffing your pillows when you went to bed. At first, you thought he was just being his usual dramatic self, but the look in his eyes told you this was different. He wasn’t just doting on you; he was trying to protect you in the only way he knew how.

“Alright, what’s going on?” you finally asked as he tucked you into bed like a child. “You’re acting weird.”

“I can’t spoil the love of my life without being interrogated?” he teased, though his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“You spoil me all the time, but this… this is over the top, even for you.”

He sighed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I just… I need to make sure you know how much you mean to me. In case… In case something happens.”

You grabbed his hand, lacing your fingers together. “Nothing’s going to happen, Satoru. Not to me, and not to you. We’ll face whatever comes together, okay?”

He nodded, though the worry in his eyes remained. “Okay.”

That night, as you lay in his arms, you felt the weight of his fears in the way he held you, the way his fingers brushed gently against your skin as if memorizing every inch of you. And as you drifted off to sleep, you couldn’t help but think about the man beneath the infinity—the man who, despite his immeasurable strength, was still human enough to fear losing the person he loved.

.

.

.

Masterlist

[cosmowgyral]

Falling into Sin with the Black Tiger ~ Gilbert's 4th Birthday

▪︎ A Story from his POV

This is a fan translation so please don't expect it to be 100% accurate. Creative liberties have been taken. All content belongs to Cybird. Reblogs are appreciated. Hope you enjoy!

NSFW/MDNI

I thought the beast of destruction was a greedy creature.

Countries and people alike, can go to any lengths to get what they want.

Despite my self-confidence, I didn't realise it until I was asked, "What do you want?"

I hadn't really thought much about what lay ahead after obtaining everything.

Emma: Gil, aren’t you going to sleep?

After returning to my room from the ballroom, I was gazing aimlessly at the sky when Emma, who had been lying down, suddenly sat up.

Gilbert: I thought I’d bask in the afterglow of my birthday a little longer.

Emma: Then I’ll join you.

She embraced me from behind and the cold night air turned into warmth.

(I noticed that you weren’t sleeping and was waiting for you to join my company…..)

(If I say it out loud, I might get into trouble.)

Gilbert: You should go to sleep.

Emma: I can’t sleep.

Gilbert: Even though we did all sorts of things?

Emma: ……

Just by lightly tracing the hand that had been hugging me, Emma began to get flustered.

The corners of my mouth quirked as I felt the quick increase in heartbeat from my back.

(Maybe I went too far.)

--*flashback from the dining room*--

Emma: Mmm….aahh…your fingers…nghh

Gilbert: You want me to take them out? But I’m not moving them.

Emma: Nnn....you’re lying….

Gilbert: You know I hate lies.

Emma: Aaaahh

Gilbert: See, you’re acting on your own again.

Emma: No…Gil….you just bit my breasts.

Gilbert: It’s cruel to blame others.

Emma: A…ahhh...

--*flashback ends*--

(But it couldn’t be helped. She had a face that was saying “please eat me”.)

When we returned to my room from the dining room, or when we took a bath to wash our messy bodies….

I liked Emma’s reactions, how she tried her best to respond despite being embarrassed, and so I ended up being a little too mean.

Emma: Maybe because of all the things that happened to me…I can’t sleep at all.

Gilbert: You’re right. It’s no wonder you can’t sleep if you’re this anxious.

Emma: …So you can hear my heartbeat.

As Emma tried to move away feeling flustered, I grabbed her hand and pushed her down onto the bed.

Pressing my ear against her soft chest, I could hear her heartbeat more clearly.

Gilbert: It’s becoming faster again.

Emma: That’s how much I love you.

Gilbert: Hehe, thanks?

(The date has changed and so my birthday is over now.)

(You give me what I want every day.)

(I know you’re the only one who will never betray me, even without any threats or domination.)

As she caresses my hair in a pampering manner, the drowsiness is overshadowed by a sinful feeling.

When I poked the bulge visible through her negligee, a sweet sigh escaped from Emma’s mouth.

Emma: What are you doing?

Gilbert: It was right in front of me.

Emma: …Not now.

Gilbert: Because it will come back again?

Emma nodded without understanding a thing.

Gilbert: If you really don’t like it, I can stop….

I pulled up the hem of her nightgown and stroked my fingers between her legs.

It was so wet that it couldn’t have been caused by simple teasing, and it immediately swallowed my fingers.

Gilbert: Is this why you can’t sleep?

Emma: Ahh…again..

Gilbert: It’s a problem to be loved this much, isn’t it?

If I expose Emma’s weakness deep inside her belly, her poor, tormented lower abdomen will soon start dripping with her honey.

Gilbert: Does this mean ‘I love you’?

Emma: That’s….right…

Gilbert: Heehee, I see.

(No matter how many times I experience your ‘love’, it always feels good.)

I massaged her breasts over her negligee, also moving my fingers inside her to scoop out her arousal.

The love I sensed in her warm gaze was genuine.

Even though I’m such a terrible man, Emma always loves me.

(You asked me to be selfish on my birthday this year….)

(I thought my last selfish wish in life was to meet you.)

(I made up a reason to go to Rhodolite and get involved with Emma, even if it meant ruining her life.)

(I had never thought of anything more selfish than that, and I could never think of anything else.)

When I kissed a breathless Emma, she put her hands behind my head as if welcoming me.

I was moved by the way she kissed me, as if conveying that she wasn’t opposed to this at all.

(….Now that I think about it, it seemed obvious.)

(It’s only recently that I’ve started thinking about my future.)

When our lips part, a thread hangs in the dim light.

Emma: You too, Gil….

Gilbert: Hmm?

Emma’s hand rested on my cheek, and I was smiling kindly, too kind for a villain.

Emma: You act like you love me.

Gilbert: Hehe, isn’t that obvious?

Gilbert: I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t love you.

I pull out my fingers from inside her and help her sit up.

Emma seemed to understand my intentions immediately, and blushing bright red, she climbed on to my lap.

(I’m spending time now that shouldn’t have existed in the first place.)

(And if you plan on staying here from now on….)

(Maybe it is a good idea to take some time to think of my own future.)

(Most of my memories are already made up of blood and corpses, painted all black…)

(The memories we make give me hope for the future.)

Emma lowered herself on me, and hugged me tightly.

Emma: Haah…Gil…

Gilbert: You’re okay with moving on your own again?

Emma: That’s…not true…

Emma said “that’s not true”, but as she moved her hips she lets out a small shriek.

It seemed she had moved unconsciously, and again, I couldn’t help but laugh.

(When I’m with you, I feel so happy.)

(…I’m sure Emma knows very well what it means for me to be happy.)

I secretly watched Emma bustling about preparing for my birthday, but this year too, I couldn’t keep a smile on my face.

I imagine Emma had her own thoughts about giving her blessings to the great villain.

Even so, I didn’t sense any hesitation.

She had already made up her mind to celebrate this blood-soaked man.

Emma: I think…you’ll be asked…'what you want to do’ next year as well.

Emma: So please, give it…a lot of thought.

Emma: I’ll make all your wishes come true.

Gilbert: Does that mean you won't be listening to me until next year?

Emma: If you have one now…please…ah

I intentionally move my body and Emma’s expression changes again.

I never get tired of her expressions filled with ‘love’.

(For now, all I can say is….)

Gilbert: I’d love to go on a date with you again.

Emma: Like…the other day?

Gilbert: Yeah. I like spending casual times like that.

Emma: Me too.

Gilbert: After that….

Bodies intertwined, lips pressed together, heartbeats synchronized, and then our gazes meet and we smile together.

Gilbert: Will you celebrate my birthday next year too?

(And commit many more sins…)

(Will you fall with me?)

[Chapter 3] [Masterlist]

He loves her sooo much omg, I really LOVED this story. I'm so glad he's happy.

Also when he said he went to Rhodolite for her....god, I just hate to imagine him going there for her, only for her to end up with the other princes (in other routes). Even though Silvio's my favourite, I feel miserable.

[delilahgrey14]

୨⎯Safe In His Claws⎯୧

╰┈➤Pairing: Wolverine/Logan Howlett x fem!Reader

╰┈➤Word Count: 1770

╰┈➤Summary: You are dating the wonderful Mr. Logan Howlett, and you find yourself waking up in his arms...but will you even make it out of bed? Read on to find out

╰┈➤TW: <18+> Fluff, Some Suggestive/ Mild Sexual Content (With someone listening), Swearing, Established Relationship

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Dating Logan was one of the best things that you could have ever decided to do, he was such a wonderful partner underneath his gruff exterior. Nobody would be able to tell from his ex-veteran, tough guy persona, but underneath was a man who was so passionate and caring for what and who he loved. He was so gentle and kind, and would always plan out these beautiful dates that made you feel like the only one in the world. You were so surprised about how different Logan was below the surface, and although that took a while to break past the wall he had built up over the years, once you did it was a miracle. He liked to show you off to the others in the X-men, you were like a prize to him, a valuable possession that he could claim as his own. If you ever had any problems with self image before dating Logan, they were all gone now. He loved to shower you with affections and complements, he loved making you feel good about yourself. He was an amazing boyfriend and things seemed to be going well, you never wanted this to end.

One day, you awoke in the X-mansion. Although you did have your own room there, you found yourself spending the nights with Logan instead. The idea of sleeping alone was just depressing at this point. It wasn’t even for the sex, although that wasn’t a bad thing either, but the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around your body, his warmth being all you need to get through the chill of the night was so serene and peaceful. The feeling of someone holding you through the night, protecting you from any and all harm that may come in the shadows of twilight. Before you opened your eyes, you felt the sensation of his skin on yours, his one arm wrapped around you with his hand stroking your hair in a slow, soothing pattern. You open your eyes and look over to see him looking back at you with softness and care in his eyes. He looked as if he was admiring your beauty despite just waking up, hair a mess, no makeup, groggy from a short night of sleep.

“Damn, Darlin’. I don’t know how you do it, but you look stunning. Good morning sleepyhead.” Logan said, through soft eyes and a small smile.

“Mmmmmh” Was all you could get out, still waking up. “Good morning”

You rubbed your eyes and sat up, resting your head on his shoulder  and pulling up the sheets to cover yourself, although you noticed when you picked them up there were holes made with claws through one of the layers.

“Bad dream? Or were those from last night…” You looked at him inquisitively, but also with a slight smirk, knowing the answer to this question already.

“...Uh, I think you know the answer to that one. Shit, sorry. I know you liked these ones.”

It was funny to you when he looked guilty, even though you didn’t mind at all. One of the benefits of dating Logan was also that it taught you how to sew up fabrics, which had to happen pretty often. From his flannels to the bedsheets, you had become a master at making them look good as new.

“Hey now, don’t worry about it, I can fix these up at some point, along with that other shirt that you decided to wear on a mission.”

He smiled at you, it made him genuinely happy to see you care so much about him as well. He saw you as a companion as well as a thing to be protected. He knew that you had your own life and personality that was very strong willed and determined, but he was always there to support and protect you to keep you safe and secure. You sat in bed together for about half an hour before either one of you really spoke a word. Logan was the type of man who was strong and silent most of the time, only speaking when there was a reason to speak, but at the same time, silence with him never felt awkward. It felt as though everything that needed to be said could be communicated through a look or a smile. 

“You know” He said, “We could…pick up where we left off last night” He gave a smirk as he lowered his face and kissed your neck, working his way from your neck, to your cheek, then to your ear, giving a slight nibble before whispering,

“What do you say, darlin’?”

“Logan…we have things we have to do. What if the X-men need you?”

He sighed, but then returned to kissing you tenderly, now tracing your jawline, then your neck again and now working his way down to your chest, moving the piece of sheet that you were using to cover up before. 

“Ah they can all go fuck themselves…I need you right now…”

He pulled the blanket down and kissed you more, now trailing down past your chest and to your stomach. God it felt so good, every time he kissed you it felt like tiny little flames of passion that spread across your body. You wanted to say yes so bad, it felt amazing, but you also knew that you shouldn’t. You should get up, get things done, but here is a man who is absolutely obsessed with you, craving you, telling you to stay. You ran your fingers through his fluffy hair.

“Oh…Logan…We shouldn’t.” You said, trying to keep your voice steady as he trailed your body with sweet kisses.

“What if you stopped worrying for a second, let me take care of you for a while and then we can deal with the rest of the world later, hm?” His voice was a low growl, his animalistic side was starting to show the more turned on he became.

You gave in. You couldn’t take it anymore, You wanted him so bad. You needed him. With every kiss he planted on your skin you felt your entire body tingle and your heartbeat quicken. He began to kiss you more, now moving his hands along your skin.

“Is this okay darlin’? I want to make sure before I get too…carried away.” He looked you up and down, his eyes lingering on your lips, then making their way down as a smile slowly creeped across his face.

“Yes, yes this is okay” You said through quickening breaths and slight quiet moans. You couldn’t help it, it felt so good to be loved by Logan.

He moved back up to kissing you on the lips, this time with more urgency than before. He wanted you, he needed you. He repositioned himself on the bed, leaning against the headboard, then he picked you up by the hips and positioned you on his lap, one leg on each side of him. Logan was so strong, he was able to make you feel as light as a feather which also made you feel as though he was completely in control. Being over 200 years old also meant that he knew what he was doing, but he was still so kind and respectful of the fact that you didn’t always quite know what you were doing. He continued to kiss you, but now he began to move his hands up and down your frame, tracing your curves and feeling your soft skin. You could feel him becoming more aroused, and you couldn’t deny that you were too, and you knew that he knew too. As soon as things were about to escalate you both heard a knock at the bedroom door. Logan pulled away, 

“Goddamnit” he whispered through a sigh “Who is it?!”

You let out a disappointed sigh, knowing that he was probably needed somewhere and someone was looking for him, but you realized that this was an opportunity to make things a little…interesting. 

“Logan? It’s Scott, can we talk for a second?”

Logan went to stand up, but you pushed back on his chest and lowered him back to the bed. You began to kiss his neck, then grind on his lap. You knew this was going to drive him crazy, and he gave you a look that said “What the fuck are you doing?” but he didn’t seem upset. You put a finger to your lips and let out a “shhhhh” then continued to kiss on his neck and make circles with your hips on top of him. 

“Uh…I’m a little busy right now Scotty!”

He mouthed an “Oh my god sweetheart” while trying to breathe through moans in order to not reveal to Scott what was happening in the room right now.

“Well then I will talk to you through the door but you better hurry up. The professor and I were talking and we agreed…”

Scott continued to talk about whatever training regimes or something that they were hoping to incorporate into the lessons for the new additions to the mansion, but Logan didn’t care. Not only did Scott piss him off constantly, but whatever he was trying to discuss with Logan was not going to be heard over the amount of effort he was putting into not absolutely losing it right now.

“Alright? So what does this have to do with me? Do we really need to…oh god…be talking about this right now?”

Logan could barely make it through a sentence without gasping for air, you were driving him absolutely insane. 

“Did you hear a single thing I said!?” Scott said in an exasperated tone. “I need you to come and help me lead some of the training sessions! Now!”

Logan rolled his eyes, sighed, and proceeded to lift you off of him with a miserable facial expression. He quickly threw on a white tank top and faded blue jeans, trying to pull himself together to make it look as if nothing was happening and he wasn’t previously barely holding himself together. He came back over to the bed where you sat with a pout on your face.

“Hey sweetheart, I promise I’ll make it up to you later…I’m so sorry”

He left you with a kiss on the cheek and walked over to the door, making sure to open it as minimally as possible, you were his and nobody else needed to see his beautiful girlfriend. You spent the rest of the day sewing the sheets and shirt back together, waiting to see what Logan was going to have planned later for the two of you…

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Author's Note: Chapter 2 Coming Soon! Thank you for reading! 

-D.G.

[lune-moon-nuit]

I completely, 100% agree with the theory that the cliff scene from Season 1 is being utilized in Season 5. Even before finishing the series, when I saw that scene for the very first time, I truly paused, perplexed: how could a 12-year-old boy be so desperate that he would actually end up jumping off a cliff? And I was genuinely astonished to see that the general audience either forgot about this scene entirely (in the worst cases) or simply summed it up as, "He sacrificed himself for his friend; he’s so heroic."

Sure, from that perspective, it’s heroic... but when you look at the bigger picture, you see a 12-year-old child who has clearly been bullied his entire life, whose best friend has disappeared, whose lifeless body was found and even had a funeral. Despite the faint hope offered by the mysterious girl with supernatural powers, whom he met the day after his best friend’s disappearance, she ran away, and he couldn’t find her again. This crushed any remaining hope of finding his friend alive. At this moment, the most likely explanation for Will’s "death" was either a homophobic hate crime or suicide, given that Will was bullied for being—or appearing to be—gay. This mindset was normalized and widespread, even among Mike’s conservative parents.

To top it all off, the bullies who had humiliated and hurt him and his friends continued to insult Will (missing and presumed dead) with homophobic slurs and threatened to harm Dustin by aggravating his disability to force Mike off the cliff. Mike, at this point, literally believed he was worth less than Dustin’s baby teeth. Let that sink in. Viewed this way, it changes everything, doesn’t it? It becomes much less heroic, doesn’t it?

And let’s not forget that the fall was deadly—there was no question about it. The water at the base of that cliff was where Will’s body was found. Mike had no idea that El would be there to save him. He deliberately jumped off the cliff, fully aware of the outcome. He heard the second bully realizing it was going too far and trying to reason with Troy. He heard Dustin pleading with him not to jump. Even the existence of his friends and family wasn’t enough to activate his survival instinct. He jumped off a cliff at 12 years old, knowing full well he wouldn’t survive. That act wasn’t heroic; it was suicidal.

This scene is, in truth, evidence that Mike has been depressed and suicidal since Season 1—that losing hope of finding Will alive caused him to lose his will to live. Numerous analyses have already done an excellent job explaining why Mike’s character in Seasons 1 and 2 feels so "different" in Seasons 3 and 4, so I won’t delve into that here. But it’s clear that puberty, combined with the increasingly concrete realization of what he feels for Will as a teenager in rural 1980s America, and his overwhelming guilt toward El—whom he cherishes but feels responsible for—have amplified his depression.

He feels obligated to love El as she wishes to be loved because she sacrificed herself to save his life, but he knows he has failed to love her the way he "should," even though he deeply cares for her. While Will being alive has given him one less reason to jump off a cliff, it hasn’t changed the fact that he places no value on his own life. This is evident in how recklessly he endangers himself to protect the people he loves (fighting the Mind Flayer, standing up to Billy, exposing himself to gunfire in Season 4 during the shootout at the house to clear the way for others).

I also won’t dive into Mike’s low self-esteem and insecurities, as these have been repeatedly pointed out and are particularly clear in his own words during the van scene (before Will reassures him). But all this is to say: this scene would be perfect to use in Season 5—not only as a memory Vecna could exploit against him but also as a way to remind the audience of this moment. It would finally highlight all the pain Mike has been carrying silently and hiding from everyone in the series and the audience by internalizing all his emotions.

We need to see Mike undergo a catharsis—potentially triggered by Vecna—to show the depths of his suffering and the factors fueling his depression: his love for Will, his internalized homophobia, his fear of losing Will, his fear of losing El, his fear of losing his family’s love, his self-hatred, his guilt for hurting both El and Will, and his sense of never being good enough despite trying so hard to help those he loves while being completely lost himself.

It’s time for the audience to finally see things from Mike’s perspective and realize just how much he’s been bottling up, only for the pressure to make everything crack. Mike needs that breaking point, the moment where he finally lets it all out, so he can begin to heal and move forward. So he can find himself. So the audience can rediscover him. So he can rediscover happiness—and love, too.

(2/3) Stranger Things/Labyrinth Theory: MC Escher's Relativity Prediction (LONG)

PART TWO IS REAL?! (sorry for the wait, i got busy). As I was saying in part one, I think there's a chance that the climax of Mike's arc in Stranger Things will parallel Sarah's from the movie Labyrinth.

In the movie Labyrinth, Sarah had exactly thirteen hours to rescue her baby brother Toby after accidentally wishing for him to be taken away. In the climax of the movie, she finally spots him crawling up (and down) a trippy ass staircase.

As one of Sarah's last challenges within the Labyrinth, she runs throughout this maze trying to catch up to her little brother. The laws of gravity and physics do not apply here. At one moment, little Toby might be crawling across the ceiling, in the next he might be catching a crystal bouncing up a flight of steps.- fandom wiki

In Labyrinth, the setting of the “endless stairs” scene is based on M.C Escher’s ‘Relativity’.

Which is foreshadowed earlier in the movie, by a poster hanging on Sarah’s bedroom wall:

And as you know from my earlier post, I think this MC Escher poster hanging in Mike's room, was a reference to Sarah's from Labyrinth.

Because it could potentially foreshadow a Snowball/GoblinBall parallel going down in season 5. (read theory: here)

I ended part one on a cliffhanger (cue uncontrollable laughter), by hinting that Sarah's "Relativity" poster might ALSO relate to a potential s5 Mike scene (the cliff). Because, based off of pure unadulterated vibes, the "endless staircase scene" from Labyrinth seemed like the perfect opportunity to visually parallel Mike's Cliff Jump to Sarah's Staircase Jump...

AND GUESS WHAT, THE VIBES WHERE PROPHETIC OR SOME SHIT, BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THAT A POSTER OF RELATIVITY IS ALSO HANGING IN MIKE'S ROOM?!😱WHICH MAKES THIS THEORY (SLIGHTLY) LESS RANDOM?!

(thank you to @strangerchicka for telling me this, because when i originally paused to screenshot Mike's room, he was covering it LMAOOO)

Not only that, but it's hung directly underneath the notorious One Way Sign pointing directly into Mike's closet. The one way sign isn’t just pointing into his closet, though, it's also pointing at a mirror. Maybe this is because the upside-down is a mirrored version of the other side? In any case, its Suspicious as hell. So, hear me out:

What if the scene of Mike jumping off the cliff comes full circle in s5.

because it’s the only way (?)

Which leads me back to Labyrinth:

The Climax:

the final confrontation between Sarah and Jareth happens in the Relativity-themed room. When she finally reaches the top of the staircase, she looks down and spots sweet lil baby Toby.

but lil homie is contemplating life, staring into the abyss. He's looking over the edge of what appears to be a pretty steep drop.

When Sarah looks down and sees Toby...she JUMPS.

which successfully breaks her out of the spell!

According to multiple credible academic sources (LitCharts and Reddit) Toby the physical embodiment of Sarah's own childhood innocence👼

Which got me thinking: What if the baby is the physical embodiment of Mike’s childhood as well? In other words, what if the baby parallels s1 Mike, and Sarah parallels s5 Mike

(Disclaimer: If you think I sound like a crazy person rn....you're absolutely right. I'm fully aware of my own confirmation bias, and I recognize that, while it's fun to speculate, we really shouldn't expect any of this to actually happen. It's impossible to accur-

YOU THOUGHT BITCH, the voices are back and louder then ever! :D Before escaping from their basement, the Duffers told me (in cryptic riddles ofc) that the cliff scene WILL be brought back in s5, and that they will do it through either time travel or memories. Working backwards from this (highly classified) information, I came up with a few potential scenarios which could be used to write this in:

SPECIFIC S5 CLIFF SCENE PREDICTIONS:

1: MEMORY/ILLUSION: The baby is s1 Mike, and Sarah is s5 Mike. When Mike sees his s1 self on the cliff within a memory/illusion, he has to jump off the cliff again in s5, as it's the ONE WAY to break out of the illusion.

2: TIME TRAVEL TOMFOOLERY: Somehow, going back in time causes Mike to die on the cliff in s1. For example, if El never escaped from the lab in the first place, she wouldn't have been there to save Mike on the cliff in s1 (although he prob wouldn't have in that situation in the first place, but just ignore that for now). If changing the past is THE ONE WAY to stop Vecna, this might mean in s5, Mike is forced to watch s1 Mike jump off the cliff with no one there to save him. (This scenario doesn't seem very likely to me atm,idk why)

MY FAVORITE IDEA?!:

3: TIME TRAVEL TOMFOOLERY: This one is kinda edgy, but the writers almost made El mercy kill her mom in s2, so how crazy is it REALLY?

OKAY. So what if the ONE WAY to stop the end of the world, is go back in time and change things, but Mike unexpectedly dies as a result of this?

What if in s1, Mike still jumps off the cliff despite the bullies never threatening Dustin's teeth in the first place?

Let me explain: if time travel tomfoolery DOES have to go down in s5, then that means they might never meet El or get involved in any supernatural antics.

Meaning that in s1, Mike would't learn the truth about what actually happened to Will after his body was found in the quarry.

The Cliff overlooking The Quarry is the key to all of this.

Why? because if Will's "body" was found in the quarry, then the leading theory as to the cause of his death would probably be this:

Police would suspect that Will was either:

A: hate-crimed/pushed off of the cliff

B. committed sewerslide via jumping

In this altered timeline, Mike might still watch Will's body get pulled out of the quarry. Only this time, he would falsely believe that the cause of will's death was his sexuality.

Police would probably tell him that Will died as a result of the town's homophobia:

and this isn't a crazy assumption to make in the 80’s, which is why Hopper kept pressing Joyce about Will's perceived sexuality. It is a significant factor to consider, if being gay caused his death.

Ted knows this same thing, which is why he subtly implied to Mike that Will's disappearance wasn't shocking to him:

This implication wasn't lost on Mike either, who was understandably upset by it. One can only image how he'd react if it turned out to be true...oh wait,

What if after he finds out that Will "jumped" into the quarry, Mike jumps too

I think Mike's decision to jump will remain unchanged in this timeline, despite Dustin's baby teeth never being threatened. This reveal would reframe the s1 cliff scene, by giving his choice a more profound underlying cause

Only this time when Mike jumps, El won't there to save him:

Which might be why Mike was paralleled to Romeo in s4. Because just like Romeo, what if Mike tragically dies by his own hand after finding out about Will's fake "death" and seeing the body

(someone send me the Montegue image to inset here, i'm feeling lazy)

This scenario would conveniently add a whole new layer of meaning to this joke made by Ted in s2:

“So if your friend jumps off a cliff, you’re going to jump too?”

Might this line be yet another classic case of reverse story telling antics within Stranger Things???

no, cause hear me out! Reverse Storytelling is literally how they constructed Mike and Will's entire relationship! Which suggests that reframing prior seasons and Mike himself will be a pretty major focus of the final season.

If this joke is only supposed to be fully understood in reverse it would make a lot of sense because, as of now, it’s a pretty mid joke. Considering that Mike jumped off of the cliff to save Dustin's baby teeth, the dramatic irony only applies to the fact that Mike also "jumped off a cliff". The implication that he jumped "because his friend did" doesn't even apply to the s1 cliff scene!( I’m the comedy police, and your under arrest!😡👮‍♀️)

UNLESS this joke is actually in reference to the season 5 cliff scene😨Because in s5, Mike jumps off the cliff after finding out that his friend Will did!

Side note: If they can't figure out why Mike dies when they go back in time, maybe the ONE WAY to prevent his own death will be to realize WHY he still jumps (bc he loves will+his internalized homophobia). And so the one way to survive might actually be to admit his true feelings by coming out of the closet to the party/himself! GODDAMNNNN that would be such a cool freaking twist! (Not the unaliving himself part. actually, no yeah that part. I just mean the idea would be creative, but don’t get your hopes up. IF this does actually happen, I doubt Mike would actually stay dead. The duffers are WAY too pussy to kill him off fr, so don’t worry!👍)

Who do I need to bribe in order to get the writers to see this??? because NOT using Ted’s throw-away line to set up the most legendary case of foreshadowing and time travel fuckshit in the history of the universe would be SUCH a missed opportunity!!!! It would simultaneously shed a light on Mike’s internalized homophobia, PLUS demonstrate his love for Will since s1?! just a humble suggestion! 🤷‍♀️(i'm dead fucking serious).

4. Mike has powers: Mike was the one to freeze time in the upside down and/or make it look like Hawkins, not Will. He's the "babe with the power". I'll explain why I think this could be a possible in Labyrinthgate part 3. If the ONE WAY to resolve everything, is to take control of his powers by accepting himself/and coming out of the closet, ig the cliff scene could play into somehow by visually symbolizing Mike's internal struggle ? (link to theory here later)

5. ALTERNATE DIMENSION ANTICS: The baby is s1 Mike, and Sarah is s5 Mike. THE ONE WAY to get back to the other side/upside-down, is to jump off the cliff again, because the water becomes a portal (Bc of Donnie Darco LMAOSK I’ll explain later💀it doesn't make much sense, but i'm still gonna write a theory about it just for funzies . I'll link it here at some point)

Mark my words, something VAGUELY close to at least ONE of these scenarios WILL happen in s5. And that's a connect-dots7 promise🫵. (i'm talking out of my booty hole rn)

Also-

Reframing to the cliff scene in the final season makes sense from a writing perspective:

I mean, Mike jumped off A CLIFF. He was ready to DIE over some baby teeth?! Get real🥱Even if this was the original intent of the scene back when it was first written, there's definitely potential for the writers to reframe it now. Considering the direction Mike's arc is taking, it's a wee bit suspicious how after season one, this event is never brought up again (aside from Ted's cheeky lil joke). Almost like the writers are leaving the door open to potentially revisit it later perhaps??🤨🤨

The GA still needs to be convinced that there was evidence of Mike's internal struggle from the very beginning, which the cliff scene could be utilized to do. Considering that his POV has become increasingly hidden from the audience, it leaves the door open for Mike's character motivations to be "rewritten" in s5. To me, reframing the s1 cliff scene seems like THE PERFECT opportunity to also reframe his character’s perspective. The cliff scene is one of his most memorable scenes in general, and a key moment of characterization for Mike in s1. Also: him readily jumping off a cliff is lowkey sewerslide coded?🤨and if he’s struggling mentally that’s a lil suspicious. just sayingggg🤷‍♀️ btw, that isn’t to say necessarily that Mike jumped off the cliff in s1 bc he was actually just sewerslidal (unless option 3 ends up happening lol). It could also (pretty easily) just be re-framed, or paralleled with s5 Mike, in order to visually allude to/symbolically represent his internalized homophobia. I don’t know how exactly, but (for example) I could see Vecna spelling out for the audience Mike's internal struggle, and info dumping Mike’s secret feelings while a memory of the cliff scene happens, kind of like when Vecna exposed Max for her conflicted feelings about Billy. (this would be kinda bad writing tho imo, so I hope not. I kinda just really want option 3 to happen tbh😗)

More Potential Foreshadowing (Mike/Water)(watergate?!?)

I already thought another cliff scene was a possibility (before all this Labyrinth delusion started), based off of the water imagery surrounding Mike throughout s4:

link to that here

idk guuuuys...something something about all that water symbolism around Mike really makes me of the quarry, since it’s one of the only significant bodies of water in the show. It's also literally the setting where both Mike and Will briefly "died" in s1, cementing it as a pretty significant water themed setting for both of them, but especially for Mike. Of course, the water symbolism might also foreshadow him drowning in Lover's Lake. (more on that later maybe?)

Along with this, I also think that Mike's death will end up referencing Artax's in the Never-ending Story. If Will is Bastian, and El is Ateyu...then who's Mike?

HE'S THE DAMN HORSE. Arguably the most iconic scenes in the Neverending Story is when that depressed horse Artax drowns. (just tryna think outside the box guys, idfk)

the end! hope you liked it!