#bc when the bus stops at that point i get a pretty good view of it

[betweenblackberrybranches]

For weeks there has been an orange on one of the traffic devider island my bus on the way home drives by

Like. Weeks 4 or 5 weeks of this orange just laying there not seeming to rot

Well you might ask whats its doing there but i think its naranja business

[umichenginabroad]

Week 8: 2 months down, 2 weeks left

Hello again! 

I have no idea where the time has gone, but I have officially been here for two months! This place has truly become a home-away-from-home, yet it still feels like I just got to Sorrento. With that being said, I am definitely missing the people back home and am starting to feel ready to get back. 

This past week I explored a nearby island, hiked the top of some mountains, and swam in Mediterranean sea caves. I still have a trip to Vienna, Austria and Rome on the books, as I am determined to see as many places as I can before I leave. Last weekend, I went with a friend to Ischia, an island just off of Naples. There was a ferry going from Sorrento at 9:30am and returning at 6:30pm, the perfect time for a day trip. While Sorrento and Capri (another, very famous, island in the Bay of Naples) are very, very touristy places, Ischia is where local Italians go to vacation. We could definitely tell the difference when wandering around; Ischia was less crowded and felt more authentically Italian then Sorrento. We had a nice relaxing day on the island, first exploring the Aragonese Castle (first built in 474 BC!), then grabbing a sandwich and swimming at several beaches along the coast. I made good use of my snorkel mask and got pleasantly sunkissed–pretty much a perfect day in my book.

(Pictures from various lookout points of the castle)

Monday through Wednesday went by without any issues, just the normal class routine. On Thursday I was supposed to have an archeology class field trip to Herculaneum and Oplontis (two smaller ruins created in the same eruptions as Pompeii), but unfortunately my professor had to call out sick, leaving me with an unexpected free day. I had heard from some of the other students about a cable car just a few train stops away that takes you up one of the mountains surrounding Sorrento, complete with several hiking trails and panoramic views. I decided to go check it out and am very glad I did so. It was wild how quickly the environment around me changed when going up the mountain; palm trees and colorful seaside buildings turned into pine trees and wood cabins. The views were stunning and it was even a bit cooler at the top (a much welcome reprieve from the sweltering heat we’ve been having). I hiked around the top for a while, took in the view, then enjoyed some gelato before heading back down.

(First and third pictures from the panoramic lookout spot on the hike showing the coastline of the Bay of Naples, second picture of a cabin-style restaurant with trees)

The next day, I set off on my last solo adventure to Lecce, a small city in the heel of Italy and nicknamed the “Florence of the south” due to its history and Baroque-style architecture. One of my trains got a little delayed, but nothing terrible. I enjoyed walking around the city for the afternoon before getting back to my hostel to get some sleep. On Saturday I took a bus about an hour south to the coastal town of Santa Maria di Leuca where I booked a boat tour for the afternoon (one of the best choices I’ve made). I had some time to kill before the tour, so I meandered along the beach and went swimming for a bit along the rocky coast. I was fascinated by how different the coastline was on the other side of the country. There were cool rocks, tide pools, and shell beaches compared to the smoother, volcanic sand beaches of Sorrento. 

When the time for my boat cave tour came, I met at the company’s stand near the docks along with people from all over the world. We got divided into smaller groups to fit on the boats and turns out, I was the only *exclusively* English-speaker of my group, requiring the staff to print out a written description of the caves, as the guide on my boat only spoke a little English (his English was much better than my Italian so I still appreciated the effort he put in). In the end, it didn’t make too much of a difference as I still had a fantastic time. I love being on boats and the coastline was beautiful. To put the cherry on top, we even got to jump off the boat a few times to swim in the caves! I wished I had an underwater camera because I could hardly believe my eyes at some points. One of the caves, Grotta Dello Spruzzo, you could only enter by swimming underwater to an air pocket. Surfacing inside felt like entering another world as everything was illuminated bright blue due to the sunlight filtering through the water under the entrance. With some of the other caves, you could swim in one entrance and come out a completely different opening. I honestly could have stayed there for hours snorkeling in and out of caves, but sadly the tour did have to leave at some point. I took the bus back to Lecce without any problems, grabbed a bite to eat, and promptly fell asleep. 

(Pictures of three caves from the boat tour)

The next morning, I checked out of my hostel and set off into the city. I was taking an overnight train back to Sorrento which didn’t leave until 10pm so I spent the day going to museums, looking at churches (they were literally around every corner), and wandering around some parks. Turns out, there is an ancient Roman amphitheater in the middle of the main city square that is only half executed; the other half is sitting under a busy street with a church and restaurants! It is still mind-boggling to me that ancient ruins are so commonplace over here that they used to just build over them.

(First picture shows the Roman amphitheater, half uncovered and half under the busy street. Second picture of one of the many ornate churches, and the third picture showing another church down a street)

The overnight train was uneventful and I even made it back to Sorrento in time to take a power nap before my physics class! Overall, I had a great time in Lecce and an even better time on the cave tour. I truly can’t believe I only have a few weeks left, but I am excited to share with you what adventures the last weeks are sure to bring.

Ciao,

Marika Ruppart

Mechanical Engineering

Engineering in Sorrento, Italy

[smollobsession]

Posted 27.5.

Start of the month:

Met with P in Telč. The weather was terrible :D but I had good svičkova and a good talk with my friend! I also picked up some albums she's been wanting to get rid of, and I'll pass them on to my kids who want them! woo!

As I was on the bus to get there, I passed the "pretty bridge" again and I decided to finally find it and check out the view. I was right, it's amazing! I then went on to Chodov for some more cinnabuns :D

On Sunday I went to Hlavni, thought I'd play some pogo. Honestly not many good raids but I did one and I finished a few researches so ok. I had a YUMMY pancake with ice cream.

6.5. Considering doing this

7.5. I had the most productive morning wow. first of all, i slept i think 9h so wow to that! Made and filled pancakes for C's bday, packed them up nice with skz stickers :D caught up on met gala skz gossip :D made lunch (sandwich and smoothie) bought rice and made breakfast (i researched this morning and apparently potatoes are also bad for ibs. all starches except bland ass white rice are, so, white rice it is) did most of the dishes so it's not a whole mess.

i still have pancakes left over so that's tomorrow sorted :D

i'm following what's happening in Palestine and getting ready for this week's protest. :/

but in the process i was on fb again and found this bit of typical internet discourse

8.5.

:( onigiri class for adults is full. the lady hasn't contacted me about meeting. and yesterday i made pancakes for a new friend but it turned out we weren't able to meet and my class pissed me off so i just ate the pancakes.

i'll give it till the end of this week and then i'll contact the lady asking to maybe only speak online, if meeting is too hard.

talked to my dad about this new job idea and he's enthusiasic. his idea is that if i'm looking for a bridge job, i might as well look for one in the general area (family) of they company i'd like to work for. he said oil rigs have a similar system. they are called differently tho which makes my search even more complicated.

idk why, when i talk to others about this, it seems so possible, but when i'm in my own head, it seems like a silly dream.

meanwhile, pogo gave me 2 more useless 4 stars :D i mean yay i'm happy with my collection but truly every pokemon i use and want to be good is meh :D

the animation before i could catch the diancie was fun :) but the diancie also has trash stats lol.

hello sir mr vegas sir... afterglow you say? O.O

in completely opposite news, i guess i'm happy someone put this up, even if clearly someone was Very Upset it was up.

it's nice to know that despite it all, there are SOME czech people who care.

OMG SOMEONE IS USING THE ESIM I BOUGHT!

12.5. They used a bit more!

The lady I wanted to talk to about work has rejected me. I guess my next stop is reddit :D

I had Korean on Friday and it was excellent! I then went to the agency that someone recommended to talk about potential job offers in my city and they were like "uh you should send us an email" which YEP i knew it (i tried but it got spammed).

Yesterday sure was a day. It was my mom's 11 years dethiversary. I had a weird ass dream about her of course.

I made a very hopeful meal plan for the rest of the month... fingers crossed. then went shopping for it. I also went to balkan store to get sweets for my kids, but I'll have to do more today bcs they didn't have my faves. Went to Flora to do some of my Korean HW - I have too much lol - and had a cake for breakfast... not the healthiest of choices but I was starving by that point because I didn't have breakfast at home. Saw C and said hi :D Then had a phonecall with D.

I hoped to see Aurora Borealis last night so I went to sleep early. I just slept until midnight, went out to see if anything was there - saw the city was oddly lively at midnight - didn't see AB, went back to sleep. Got a solid 9-10h last night thanks to this :D

There's a protest today, I'm getting ready and I shaved my legs :D priorities! :D

wore a dress and open sandals, no regrets, it was perfect for the weather, especially with the hat and the mask.

on my way to the protest i was on a bus and a man reached over and gave me a flower. i was confused but my kids reminded me it's mother's day!

some of them are going to the rammstein concert so the chat is buzzing :D (in the city i also saw hockey fans so wow so much stuff happening here now)

it was a good protest overall, though i felt like there were maybe fewer people than last time. sadly when we arrived there was a small group of pro isr protesters waiting for us (with cops between us, no issue) and a lady had a massive panic attack, it was kinda scary. ambulance came and helped her and i think it all ended up ok.

I went to the other balkan market later and got a burek and the rest of the sweets i want to share.

then i went to flora again to finish my homework. and have one more cake hehe

rip my feetsies :D

meanwhile... two things i'm considering. a) swimming in the local pool once a week. idk yet i'm so scared to try but :/ i want to? b) tmi but there's a big sxtoy store near the balkan market and i'm considering a toy. we'll see. honestly i'm far more concerned about the swimming... being perceived half naked is uh :(

and on a totally different note, i asked on reddit about the job and yeah... i think it's not for me. sadly. ah well.

18.5. hm so far all my attempts to socialize have been destroyed, i wonder why :D telc was good but rainy and i ended up being 1h late. my local friend wasn't in for pancakes. last week i made plans for pub quiz and then i locked my card by typing in the wrong number 3 times as i was trying to withdraw ca$h for the quiz master. Sigh. Even the fun lesson i planned with that one class ended up being with only half of us!

Now I joned a pogo group for bounsweet community day... let's see if i manage ><

some other adventures have been happening tho! I managed to try corncob - why sweet? and i found a taiyaki place that i really like!

yesterday before korean (since i had to leave early to unblock my card......) i was bored and it was raining so i found myself in the small botanical garden which currently has a succulents exhibit.

I did buy a smol one :) and it inspired me to clean my plants too so i did some of that yesterday and today.

After Korean I ended up at the Nepalese Indian place and had a great lunch. Omg their food is so good sob.

In fandom news, Jeff is in Sweden. I'm fine.

And this vid of Khao by First just melted me. Sometimes when people take pictures or even draw people they love you can just see how they see them and it's wonderful.

And I made plans with P for next weekend! I'm exciteeed!

It's spring here and plants are pretty <3

21.5. I've exercised 3 days in a row so that's nice.

On Sunday i did go to the center to meet up with the pogo group i follow on discord. i managed to speak to absolutely no one and even the pic we took hasn't been posted so there's like 0 evidence i was there. well, i got some codes from the leader so that. sigh, i'm so bad at this.

i got my period and bled all over everything again, despite a tampon and a pad. so now i'm washing all my sheets and protectors. happy tuesday to me.

27.5. last Thursday I joined the Pub Quiz group and had a good time and wasn't totally useless. Just got another confirmation I should have more faith in myself.

Evaluations sent and I'm slowly wrapping up the school year. (Omg today I talked to S*'s mom and I was so awkward lorde why am I like thissss aaaa)

Ugh ANYWAY. This weekend P visited! We did some good (and some mid :D ) food tasting, went to a medieval fair and visited the castle!

When she left, I got on a tram and spent an hour just traveling and reading. I'm reading Natsume's book of friend's finally and I still love it as much as I did originally. Such an underrated manga.

Did my homework in a cafe and had some cake :) and then did my shopping for the week.

Wednesday will be my last Full Day at work. It's really hard saying bye to some of the kids. sG said today that he'll continue if I'm not the teacher. He will be really busy and he would have made time for me but now he's not sure. I almost wept yo. Teens.

PS. I tried a new form where I write more often and keep it in a draft. I like it... but I wonder if it'll post without errors hahaha

[1kook]

skirt chasers - drabble iii

this a skirt chasers drabble in case u couldn't tell uhhh here’s i and ii lol

summary; “I think the alcohol broke my amygdala. Your epidermis looks pretty today— did you use that toner I told you about?” warnings; alcohol mention, tit sucking, unprotected sex, use of the pull out method, uhh making out??? ratings; mature (18+) misc; educational abolitionist!jungkook, drunk jk, mentions of throwing up lol, jk is an anatomy frEAK, more skirts, more jk has questionable kinks wc; like barely 2k

notes; i wrote this in like 40 mins bc i couldn't stop thinking about STIMBO jk from skirt chasers and how cool he is enjoy xxxx also i barely rmr shit from anatomy bc it was the worst course of my life so pls bear with me

His first mistake is getting drinks with the boys. You like to think you know your boyfriend pretty well, know what he’s good at, where he excels, where he thrives, and well. Drinking doesn’t rank too high on the list.

Jimin calls a little past midnight. “Kook’s on the table,” he slurs into the phone, too loud and too sloppy for a Wednesday night phonecall.

“Ha?” you mumble back, rubbing your eyes until you see stars. The room is dark, practically spinning from how out of it you are. Chaeyoung is dead asleep in her room, so even whispering feels like a crime. “Where are you guys?”

Some bar on the south side of town, that strip where all the newly turned twenty-one year olds go to get wasted. Jungkook’s supposed to be studying for some big exam he has on Friday— at least, that’s what he told you —so it takes a few minutes of convincing on Jimin’s part until you’re shrugging your coat on, blindly navigating through your apartment for your keys and wallet. You briefly consider taking an Uber, but ultimately decide you’d rather get stabbed to death on a public bus so at least your family can sue the city afterwards.

Jungkook is indeed on the table, except the table has long since tipped over. So now he’s just sprawled across some dirty bar floor, puppy-soft head of curls spilling over his forehead. He’s so cute, so adorable. You want to kill him. “Up,” you command, channeling the strength of twelve football players to haul your beefy boyfriend off the ground.

“Baby,” he beams, looking at you but not actually looking at you. “I think the alcohol broke my amygdala. Your epidermis looks pretty today— did you use that toner I told you about?”

You don’t even know what that means, can’t even question him, because then Jin is angrily yelling at you to cover his tab. You pay with a stiff middle finger, flail the three dollars in your wallet at him, before sweeping away your poor damsel in distress. “You’re supposed to be studying,” you huff, can’t even be mad when he stops to throw up in a bush outside the bar. You’re so embarrassed, pretend you don’t know him as you pull up the bus times on your phone.

He’s huffy by the time you get on the bus, sniffling against your neck as he cries about his common hepatic portal vein thing— you don’t fucking know.

Chaeyoung isn’t too impressed with you when you bring him home, dump him on the couch while she steals your AirPods from your room. “Explain yourself,” you demand, and his head rolls back.

“I hate school,” he complains, slaps a hand down against his forehead. You’re certain he’s concussed himself this time. Then he’s bending over, head held between his hands. “Wanna cry.”

You sigh, kneeling in front of him. “You’re almost done,” you comfort him, hand on the back of his head. He’s so sweaty, and smells like all his friends colognes at the same time. “You’re smart, baby, you can do this.”

Your words have the opposite effect, because then he’s rocking forward childishly, nearly rams your skulls together and kills you. He’s reached the point of his insobriety where he’s too sad and huffy to think, sadly leaning against your shoulder as if that’ll somehow solve all his problems. You doubt it will, but there’s really nothing much you can when Jungkook reaches this point, so you settle on softly patting the back of his head until the fool is fucking snoring against you.

Chaeyoung blesses you with her divine retribution the next morning by using up the last of your body wash, and then you’re left to deal with a hungover Jungkook on a Thursday morning. You’re pretty sure he had a class that morning, but he wakes up too late for you to even try to convince him to still go, and then he’s moping on your couch in last night’s clothes. You’re getting ready for your internship, blouse half buttoned, pencil skirt wiggled up to your waist.

“Abolish exams,” he mutters, numbly staring at the ceiling as you wipe his face with a cleansing towelette. He doesn’t seem remotely interested in the shower or the pancakes you made, which lets you know this is a much more serious issue than just a drunken episode. “Aren’t they stupid?” You nod. “Sure, test me on every damn thing we’re learning right now as if science isn’t always changing and I’ll have to keep learning anyway.”

He looks over at you, under-eye bags absolutely horrendous. “Tests are stupid,” you agree, and it seems to be exactly what he wants to hear as he sinks into your arms, face buried in your chest. “Too stupid for smarty-pants Jeon Jungkook.”

Jungkook groans, flops over you on the couch all smelly and gross. “They test you for memorization and not comprehension,” he adds, finally wiggling out of his stinky clothes.

With Jungkook, you can never tell where things are going. One minute he’s cursing the education system and the next he’s kissing along your neck in his rambling fury. “As if I these materials will somehow become nonexistent once I’m working,” he huffs, hands on your thighs. Your breath hitches in your throat, fingers digging into his biceps as he mindlessly kisses down the valley between your breasts. “Shit’s so fucking stupid,” he spits, bunching your skirt around your waist.

“Jeon—“

“I’m just trying to be a fuckin’ pediatrician, for fuck’s sake,” he growls, hastily undoes the front buttons on your blouse. Your black bra comes into view, heart pounding in your chest as Jungkook makes quick work of reaching behind and undoing it, pushing it away, and cupping your breasts in his palms. He guides one of your legs around his waist, tucks it around him as he gets to work raining down kisses on your tits. “So pretty, doll,” he murmurs, pretty pink lips leaving smooches down your chest.

You bite down on your lip, watch through hazy eyes as those big doe eyes flick up at you, tongue swirling around your nipple. “N— Not tired anymore?” you pant, hands in his hair. It’s still dry and knotted from last night’s adventures, but you don’t mind. Not when Jungkook’s hard cock is flush against your thigh.

“Nah,” he confirms, rolling his hips forward against your core. Oh he was horny horny this morning. Or was he angry horny? You don’t care, either way you were winning. “I serenaded you last night, y’know?”

You snort, but it morphs into a whimper when he captures your rock hard nipple between his perfect teeth. “Not a serenade,” you whimper, fingernails running along his scalp, “if I’m not there.”

Jungkook leans back, lets you breathe for a second as he unbuckles the front of his pants, jeans pulled down around his thighs. And of course he’s hard as fuck by now; this was Jeon Jungkook you were dealing with. He could get it up and going in two seconds flat at the mere sight of your collarbones. “You were there,” he insists, capturing your hand in his all romantic like until you’re flustered and shaking him off. He levels you with a cheesy grin, presses your palm against his chest. “Here.”

You gag. “That’s disgusting.”

Jungkook laughs, all squeaky and airy because he’s never given a fuck about looking cool in front of you. His next words only prove your point. “Why? Don’t like being nestled against my left lung and esophagus, all sexy like?”

You roll your eyes, tug your panties aside to give him a full view of what his dorky anatomical talk has done to you. “Dick me down or go away,” you say, pointer finger nudging his chin up when he stares too long

He snaps his teeth at you, almost bites your finger, the fuckin’ weirdo. “Sassy today,” he teases, presses the tip of his cock against you. Both of you groan, watch as he glides himself up and down your folds, angry mushroom head pushing against your clit. “Always so wet for me,” he mumbles shakily, eyes zeroed in on your wet folds and how slick they feel against him. “Didn’t stretch you out again.”

“Yo— You’re mean about that anyway,” you pant, pulling him closer by those firm ass cheeks of his. “I can tell when you’re using me as a reference model.”

Jungkook gasps as if he’s genuinely scandalized by your claim, follows your wordless command and finally lines himself up with your quivering entrance. “I’m a hands-on learner,” he offers, his cheeky smile still on his face until he finally sinks into you and his features twist up all pretty. “Your pussy’s just so pretty, baby,” he grunts, hand on your hip.

Your face feels warm, from the pleasure that rolls over your body and the vulgarity of his words. “Shush now,” you say, try to sound strict and in command, but he’s got his other hand cupping your jaw, looking at you like you’re a goddess and not some dorky college student in their even dorkier internship uniform.

“Temptress,” he mumbles, pushes past your clenching lips until he’s flush against you, your walls spasming around his cock because he just feels so good. “Tried to sneak past me in that tiny skirt.” He draws back, lets his swollen head catch at the entrance before sliding back in, pace slow and sensual, too intimate for some random Thursday morning. “Little doll just needs to be fucked in the morning, doesn’t she?” A pitiful whimper catches in your throat, eyes rolling to the back of your head with every glide of his dick back inside of you.

“N- Not my fault you have naughty eyes,” you whimper, hand coming up to bite at your knuckles as Jungkook continues to fuck you so sweetly. “Fuck.”

Jungkook ducks over you, wavy hair tickling your forehead as his hot breath fans across you. Smells like the mouthwash you made him take and hints of last night’s alcohol. “Can’t help it,” he husks, capturing your lips in his. Sloppy and wet, tongue clashing with yours as he guides you along, hips slowing to rhythmic ruts that have you moaning after each roll.

A few drawn-out thrusts later and you’re coming, body so sensitive this early in the morning, and it certainly doesn’t help that Jungkook looks like that (sweaty and worn, dark eyes watching you writhe beneath him). Surprisingly, it takes him a few more rushed thrusts before he follows, barely managing to pull out in time before his sparkling cum is splattering over your tummy and the skirt bunched around it. “No,” you whine, melting into the couch. “Jeon, this is my only one,” you complain, rubbing a hand over your eyes as if that’ll somehow make your legs work again enough to push him off.

Jungkook says nothing as he tucks himself back into his boxers, chest heaving from exertion as he crashes back onto the couch. “Liar,” he responds after a moment, out of breath and half asleep again. He’s still technically hungover. Hand lazily drawing circles on your knee as you sit up, wiggling your skirt back down. He gives you this indecipherable look. “I hid the other one under your dresser.”

You smack his arm. “Why the hell would you—“

He tackles you back into the couch, presses the stain into your skirt. It must feel gross against his naked tummy, but Jungkook doesn’t seem to care. “Makes me too horny,” he announces, pout pressed against your neck. “I had a teacher fantasy the other day. Did I tell you?” You roll your eyes, resigning yourself to this new life squashed beneath your boyfriend. “You were my high school anatomy teacher and I failed, so you made me stay after school for supplemental lessons—“

“That’s an abuse of power,” you point out, back to carding your hands through his now sweaty and greasy hair. “And you would never fail an anatomy class, that’s literally your comfort area of study.”

“Listen,” he stresses, lifts his head until he’s peering at you with these humongous Bambi eyes. “You spanked me and—“

“Go get my skirt.”

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[twilightprince101]

The Train, Purple Lightning and “Fate”: An Infinity Train Theory

NOTE: This contains HEAVY SPOILERS for all of Infinity Train! Putting this under a read more, but tl;dr, I think the train has a way of predicting when things will happen-but not entirely be correct.

I was going back and rewatching Infinity Train Book 1 (Mainly bc I love the show and wanted to relive it) when I noticed something interesting. At the end of episode 9, when Tulip decides to fight and is racing to the Engine, we get a glimpse of the sky and see hints of purple lightning

Which was pretty cool as an effect, but then I remembered something: I’ve seen this lightning before. And if you’ve just watched the Book 3 finale, I’m sure you know what I’m referring to.

But it wasn’t just here either, it was also in another scene with Simon earlier. The one where he shifts from “okay he’s a shit but kinda ok” to “motherfucker unlimited.”

After thinking about it for a little bit, I went to Book 2 to look around, and sure enough, the lightning was there too

I’m going to reiterate: I’m rewatching all of Infinity Train, and the purple lightning throughout the entire series only appears this prominently during these scenes.  (May I reiterate: this prominently. I am aware that it can be seen in a brief flash in the very first episode when that random passenger gets sucked into the vortex, but it’s barely as noticeable as these three instances)

At first I thought the lightning was just a cool effect to reiterate the tension and weight of these dramatic scenes, and to be honest it very well could be. However all of these scenes where the lightning appears have something in common.

They all take place during times of great change not just for these characters, but for the entire train and its system as a whole.

Let me break it down and explain it one at a time.

Season 1: The lightning appears as Tulip is taking a stand against Amelia and her reign as Conductor, resolving to overthrow her and save Atticus.

This one is relatively simple, all things considered. Amelia has reigned as Conductor for 33 years (as noted by OneOne in the documentary shorts), and now that Tulip is going to fight back and bring OneOne back to the engine, her reign is soon going to end and things are going to go back to normal

Season 3: Simon, after committing so many atrocities, gets his number up so high that it has nowhere left to go on his body, giving him the highest number in existence.

(I’m doing season 3 before season 2 bc it’s shorter and relatively simpler than its big brother, you’ll understand soon)

As twisted as the train may be, we all know that its base premise is that it helps those it deems as needing help, teleporting them onto the train so they can sort out their problems. But as we’ve seen with Amelia and The Apex, they don’t technically have to. Aside from the threat of being stuck on the train forever, there’s nothing stopping them from fucking about and ignoring their problems.

Throughout Season 3, the Apex assumes that because they are destroying the cars, OneOne is trying to fight against them and put them back on track. However, as Amelia clarifies, he doesn’t even know that they exist.

Despite the fact that their numbers have been climbing in the complete opposite direction, the train hasn’t logged them down as anomalies or glitches in the system, they’re still considered normal passengers. It could be assumed that, like Grace and Amelia, they’ll all eventually come around and get the numbers to zero.

But then of course... Simon happens.

Considering our limited view of the train and its history, we don’t know if the numbers really can go higher or if other passengers have done the same thing in the past. However if he is the first, the fact that Simon’s number literally had nowhere else to go, reaching the highest possible limit, this goes against the train’s whole philosophy of “helping people.” There is now a clear flaw in the system that can no longer be ignored.

(As for the other instance with Simon, we’ll get back to that)

Season 2: Mirror Tulip (AKA M.T. (AKA Lake)) and Alan Dracula are waiting for one of the passenger pods so they can hijack one and get a number to get off the train

From what we’ve seen of the train and how it works, it seems clear that everything is made to revolve around the passengers. The cars are made to help people realize stuff about themselves, the numbers are made to represent their own personal growth and the denizens are made to assist them throughout their journey.

But that’s the thing: These denizens are made by the train. Every car that is created, the denizens are created alongside it. They are literally made to be the NPCs of the whole system and are made to assist passengers. OneOne even says so in the final episode of Book 2.

“Your passenger.” Not “Your friend” or “That one guy,” he specifically says “Your passenger.” Somehow, despite already helping Tulip with her problems, MT was assigned to Jesse.

And we’ve even seen this in other circumstances too! Tulip had Atticus to help her with a bunch of her stuff, and Grace had Hazel to make her realize that “Nulls” were people too. If they weren’t there, they wouldn’t have gone through their whole character arcs and back!

(As for how MT got assigned to Jesse despite already having “served her purpose” for Tulip, we’ll get back on that later).

But back to the point: The Denizens are created for the passengers by the train itself. So its whole deal with helping people grow and giving them an exit? That’s a luxury only reserved for passengers. It doesn’t see the denizens as “real people.” 

So Jesse refusing to leave MT behind, returning to the train so he can get his friend back? The train literally cannot fathom this turn of events and literally begins to break down.

It’s only through MT outsmarting the entire system and resolving OneOne’s broken logic loop that she’s able to escape, leaving the train for good.

But the fact that she’s even able to get off is crazy in of itself! We may not know how long the train has been around for, but the fact that the train began to broke down at MT wanting to leave means that this has to have been the first time this happened. And now that it’s shown that it can be possible for one denizen to leave the train, that opens the door for every single other denizen on the train! If they can “get a number,” they can leave the train.

Not to mention, Lake’s presence in the human world now gives people concrete proof that the train exists. If the train has existed for as long as humans have been alive, then that means there has to have been some rumors about it. And now, with a living girl made of chrome walking around (and a girl without a reflection), it is impossible to blow off those rumors anymore. The train is real.

So what does all this mean then?

The purple lightning (bet you already forgot about it now, eh?), throughout the series, has only showed up during these moments.  Tulip brought back OneOne, MT proved that denizens can leave the train, Simon proved that some passengers cannot be redeemed.  All three of these instances were points of great change in the train’s system, that will drastically alter things to come.

But why does the lightning only show up here? Is it that the train’s world can somehow sense when big things are going to happen? Or is it something deeper, like it can tell the future, and that’s how the passengers get “assigned” denizens? Well... I think it’s kind of a more complex system than that.

It’s painstakingly clear by now that the train is extremely flawed with the way it does things. Nothing is stopping passengers from staying on the train forever, it can whisk away people that are probably no more than 7 who are still developing as people, it’s possible for passengers to never change and make their numbers reach infinity, it doesn’t account for all the trauma that the train itself can leave on the passengers after they leave, it cannot fathom denizens wanting to get off the train and passengers wanting to help those denizens getting off the train and, in the case with Amelia, it’s possible for anyone to overthrow OneOne and take over as Conductor of the train.

However, I think these flaws show something very important. The train itself isn’t some sort of balevolent god that wants to help people become better, nor is it a malevolent one that wants to wreak havoc. It’s a giant machine.

Each car is made from different orbs, programmed by the Conductor (whoever that may be) to be whatever they like. The train’s helpers are all machines. The entire system itself runs on code. Very outdated code.

This is how I think different denizens are “assigned” to the passengers. I don’t think the train itself can see the future, but it can make predictions based on pre-existing data. Whatever passenger gets whisked to the train, they have their entire history and internal angst calculated and carefully analyzed. After running through their problems, the train can figure out exactly what that person needs in order to grow.

In the case of MT being Jesse’s “assigned Denizen,” while also technically being Tulip’s, here’s how I think it went down: After MT left to go her own path, the train kept her in mind as she went about her business, reassigning her to be someone that can help passengers grow. When Jesse got onto the train, it assigned MT to him and sent him in her general direction in his pod.

As for why exactly he didn’t get dropped off in the same car as MT, Jesse needed a bit of time to adjust and had to befriend Alan Dracula while MT wasn’t there. So when MT was asleep, the train moved the car Jesse was in right before the “Family Tree” car and let the rest of its predictions run its course. We do know its possible for the train to move around cars after all, with passengers on it.

But just because the train is good at predictions, it doesn’t mean they’ll always be 100% accurate. Remember: the train runs on very flawed logic. It isn’t always correct with how the passengers will act (Again, see Amelia and the Apex). So bringing this back around to the purple lightning, I think we found our answer.

The purple lightning represents moments when different aspects of the train completely fly off from their “intended course.” 

The train likely wasn’t thinking that Tulip could be its savior, especially with Amelia as the conductor. It likely thought that, as soon as her exit appeared she’d leave for good. But instead, she stuck around and went to save her friend. Tulip stuck around longer than predicted.

The train doesn’t see its denizens as actual people, thinking that as soon as passengers resolve their problems they’ll leave without a second thought. So MT going off on her own to get a number, along with Jesse coming back for her, both of them defied what the train thought was possible.

Then Simon. Simon, Simon, Simon. Out of everything the train could have predicted, it couldn’t have predicted him. 

The first time he broke from the train’s “intended course” was when he killed Tuba. We already know that Hazel was likely Grace’s denizen, since she was the reason that her whole view on the denizens had changed. But I think Tuba was meant to be Simon’s denizen (at least, his second one since The Cat abandoned him). With how helpful she was in The Colored Clock car, helping him escape and being the key to leaving the car, she was likely going to be Simon’s ticket to learning to trust “nulls” again. 

But then... yeah.

The second time he broke was after his fight with Grace. Despite abandoning her, betraying her, trying to kill her several times, Grace still saved him when he was about to fall. The train likely predicted here that Simon would see the err of his ways, pull an Amelia and go on the path of redemption.

But then...... yeah.

The third-and final time-was when he got what he wanted and got the number to end all numbers, likely bigger than the entire train expected. He had gone so far down the rabbit hole that there was nowhere else to go. Every chance he got to become a better person, he rejected. Simon himself is definitive proof that the train’s prediction system is flawed.

Each of these big moments reflects a gigantic flaw in the train’s system. It doesn’t expect these passengers to do the things they do, go off course from their intended destination. Like I said, the system relies on very outdated code. But now, having each of these situations be resolved, it knows how to deal with these issues going forward. A passenger can leave however they want, anyone can leave if they have a number, and most importantly, its prediction system needs fixing if it wants to keep helping passengers.

The train itself is a very, very strange beast. It’s kind and cruel all at once. But at the end of the day, it’s just a big computer doing its purpose. But this computer is old, outdated, extremely touchy. Each time these offshoots happen, it gives the chance for that code to be rewritten. And it’s very likely that it’s going to commit to these changes. For if it doesn’t... well... 

Let’s just say a lot more sand is gonna be added to this desert.

[breadclubrising]

Why do you believe another gl reunion would make Ibushi fulfilled? Bc last time he seemed pretty annoyed by the end of it, saying he was just being tossed aside as "Kenny's replacement" and "I have nothing else to do in this tournament" and ofc the "I've always been alone". Why would it be different now?

wellllllllllll because the GL story has a surprising amount of nuance for a wrestling storyline, and has kind of deliberately mixed kayfabe with real life in such a way that you can’t talk about them separately a lot of the time.

i DEFINITELY didn’t say he ‘needs’ it to be ‘fulfilled’, because that is a thing that would give me hives to say. i have many times said he doesn’t need Kenny and that’s been the point, is that they both totally can be great without each other, but they keep choosing each other and even if they’re successful in their careers, they are unhappy when they’re apart. if you find that disagreeable, please email kota (i know for a fact he does not check his email because of course he doesn’t). What I said was: it is how their careers will play out because they literally say that will happen and they have gone to LENGTHS in real life to make it happen.

i saw someone on twitter who bothered to take a screenshot of some galaxy brain on reddit finally figuring out that ibushi and omega see each other as endgame, and captioned it something like ‘golden lovers is the worst story in wrestling please stop.’ which is totally an opinion you are welcome to have but also, the part about them being each other’s endgame is a thing they both have said and kenny in particular will never let anyone forget. i do not understand why people give it the ‘lol shut up fangirl shippers’ treatment when it’s a thing that has been telegraphed since the beginning of time, unless you are calling ibushi and omega fangirl shippers, which you actually probably should bc no one ships GL more. anyway, i actually completely get why people who don’t like the storyline, or don’t like kenny, or whatever, have a different reading of the actual events that took place. but it means that you asking me this question isn’t going to get you a satisfying answer, and that makes me feel like you’re just asking me this to make me feel bad for liking a thing incorrectly. 

but you did ask, which is totally on you, so: Ibushi said (explicitly, in interviews, and on twitter) that he was frustrated with himself for not Reaching His Potential. He never expressed frustration with Kenny, or even with NJPW’s booking. He wasn’t even officially signed until a couple months after Kenny left. 

It was like this: he was an outsider in the company. He was always paired with the guy who is like, certified by the belt to be The Best Wrestler In The World. That guy had a problem like the bus in Speed, except instead of having to maintain a speed of 60mph to avoid exploding, the bus has to constantly say its boyfriend is the coolest. So Kenny, the best wrestler in the world according to kayfabe, is like ‘actually my mans here is the best wrestler in the world’ and kota’s like ‘thanks i love you too but i’m pretty sure you’re the one with the belt and the pwi cover and 437 meltzer stars you fucking labradoodle.’ (I’d bet money Kota does not know what a labradoodle is.) Kenny’s stanning was sweet and well-intentioned but to Kota it only highlighted the achievement gulf between them. And it did not help that his mentor Tanahashi was like ‘allow me to highlight the achievement gulf between you and your genetically inferior labradoodle boyfriend, whomst i don’t like for Reasons.’

And that made Ibushi be like ‘i’m 36 (at the time) years old and I have every muscle and yet, no accolades. the fact that i have not yet managed to be the unequivocal best and that i foolishly had a body and feelings is shameful and weak.’

That’s how he is: he beats himself up about stuff like goddamn taking time off to heal from neck surgery and a mental breakdown, and the unforgivable sin of not being quite sure what direction he wanted to take his career. It felt really bad! It deffos did! But his frustration was not directed where you think it was! But that’s the part I said you’re not going to agree with me on, so!

There was so much going ON in this story and it was really GOOD! Like all the stuff with Tanahashi was incredible and heart-wrenching and you just wanted to both smack and hug all three of them and it was a really good story! 

Sometimes I just need to remind myself of that bc people who dislike the Golden Lovers are very reductive about why they assume people like the thing they do not like. But yes, it actually is a good story, now that I type a tiny part of it out like that; not my fault some people seem to have missed the epic heroes’ journeys forest for the gay love story trees. Not that there’s anything wrong with gay love story trees; also very much part of the forest.

Anyway Anon, part of the reason earlier on I speculated that you just came to my inbox to try to make me feel sad for liking things in a way you did not was that... honestly. HOW did ANYONE watch Ibushi say “I was always alone, before” after he won the 2019 G1 and go “king said ‘new career who dis’ and deleted kenneth’s number from his phone! 👏always 👏alone 👏before 👏!!!’ 

Like yeah those are the words he said but, you know, words can mean a lot of things! and personally, I think it’s relevant that those words were enveloped by a heartbreakingly pained smile that says ‘GREAT question Tokyo Sports, i WILL cry RIGHT here at this FUCKING folding table if you do not IMMEDIATELY pretend along with me that my existence began earlier this evening when I entered this arena. thanks in advance!’ Like!

Yep, look at that smug fuck pretending not to know who his shitty ex is! Prolly thinking of some good labradoodle jokes.

(On the real i know that not everyone is good at ascertaining emotion from facial expressions. I get that, and I’m not gonna dog on anyone for it, because I myself am often not great at it. And honestly? If he meant this in the “I don’t know her” sense, I would probably have loved it, bc I am a Kota Ibushi fan first, a human second, an antifa supersoldier third, and then a Golden Lovers Scholar like somewhere in the low 20s. But... I can’t even pretend that reading works for me. I hate looking at these gifs. That’s how much this reads to me as Having A Bad Time, like this man’s face is among my favorite things to view on this horrible planet and my heart feels like it’s being poked with a broken toothpick every time these gifs loop.)

And finally, because of the thing I said in the first paragraph that I wrote when I was like “i’m just gonna write a quick answer to this ask” like some kind of fucking fool who has never seen my own blog: it would not “be different now”, it has always been this story, and both Kenny and Kota say that when they are able to. It mixes kayfabe with real life, and in real life it’s really clear that it’s endgame for both of them, and I’m very sorry to GL haters but please direct your displeasure with the narrative to the two nerds who are determined to continue it across decades and oceans.

[midshipmank]

i wanted LWJ with a motorcycle & somehow ended up with this librarian!LWJ & art student!WWX au

LWJ is a librarian at a public library 

WWX met LWJ when he returned some books 3 months late

LWJ looked at him all judgy like “these are 3 months late,” & WWX promptly became obsessed 

WWX is now a much more responsible library user, mostly because he’s there all the time

but listen he’s not great at focusing in the library, that’s why he doesn’t even use the one on campus. so now he’s his usual amount of restless + distracted by LWJ

trying to figure out how to make a move 

meanwhile LWJ is just like “do not throw crumpled pieces of paper through the air”

some of those crumpled pieces of paper are failed sketches of LWJ

one day WWX stays all the way to closing because LWJ PRETTY OKAY? also he has an art theory paper due pls don’t talk to him about it

so anyway he’s there when the library is closing & LWJ is like “leave”

so he goes :((( but he’s so late LWJ practically follows him out 

which 

is when WWX discovers that that pretty white & blue motorcycle that’s always parked out front?

that’s Lan Wangji’s 

he absolutely loses his mind

all of his friends know about his ridiculous librarian crush by now & they all make fun of him for it

but anyway, the poor boy has it bad

he’s like “A-Cheng, you don’t understand, he could step on me & i’d thank him. actually i think i need him to step on me.” 

JC is like “i did Not want to know that”

meanwhile WWX is bemoaning the fact that he ever became a responsible library user

“how am i supposed to interact with him. i can’t return books late anymore bc i’m always there! what would my excuse be? & he’s already explained how to use their database to me 3 times, i can’t keep looking this dumb” 

JYL is very gently like “maybe just ask him out?” 

“but he doesn’t like me! i committed library crimes! i have to get him to like me first!”

then WWX sees a flyer in the lobby asking for volunteers. there’s gonna be an event in the kids section! for some special reading day! who tf knows, WWX doesn’t care, the point is, he’s good with kids. that would probably be appealing to LWJ. right? right? WWX really doesn’t know. LWJ is so hard to read. on the one hand, he’s the most tight-laced & responsible person WWX has ever met. on the other, he has a very sexy motorcycle. WWX doesn’t know what to do with that

but okay he has a plan

he calls up WQ & goes “can i borrow A-Yuan”

he already babysits A-Yuan every week, so it’s not that weird right?

WQ is like “i stg WWX if you are going to use A-Yuan to attract hot guys like in that movie with the people who love dogs....”

& WWX is like “i would never use A-Yuan like a dog! WQ do you even know me!” 

he gets A-Yuan, barely

anyway, he gets to the library ready to read to a bunch of kids & gets side-eyed by a lot of parents, but he still has fun!!

LWJ is, unfortunately, not the librarian supervising the event, but he is reshelving when WWX is off reading duty & A-Yuan gets the zoomies

ie, zooms right into LWJ’s legs

LWJ is, surprisingly, good with kids. WWX may need to marry him. he somehow manages not to make a complete fool of himself after this revelation

in fact, after this interaction, WWX thinks he may actually have scored some points with LWJ. he’s elated

he’s building all these elaborate future schemes in his head when suddenly he gets a call from Auntie Yu

she wants to know why his grade in his art theory class has plummeted. 

oh right. that class. that class that’s taught by that professor who hates him & that he honestly can’t understand a word of & honestly he hates art theory, he’s good at art, why does he have to take theory too? 

Auntie Yu lets him know in no uncertain terms that if he doesn’t improve his grades by the end of the semester, she will stop supporting him—it’s bad enough that they let him go to art school after he flunked out of his business degree anyway 

so—fuck. fuck. 

WWX throws himself into the redo paper he manages to beg off LQR. he has 3 days & he’s gonna make them count 

the first day goes well, if by well you mean that he raids the art section of the library & works himself until closing & tries desperately not to look like he’s dying in front of LWJ

day 2 goes........similarly, except he falls asleep at his desk & doesn’t wake up until LWJ tells him the library is closing, which? wtf? LWJ usually wakes him up when he falls asleep in the library. WWX has been asleep for hours. 

& also he looks like a wreck, which is not cute

he flees from the library only to find that the bus is going..... going......... gone

fuck. he doesn’t have a car. 

he’s staring down the road after the bus, trying to figure out which friend with a car is available for him to call when he hears someone say “Wei Ying?” behind him

it’s Lan Zhan.

how mortifying. 

he tries to laugh off his situation, but LWJ gets this set expression on his face & says, “i will give you a ride home” 

& WWX is like kinda definitely freaking out because this was not how his first ride on LWJ’s sexy motorcycle was supposed to go. WWX had a plan. he was supposed to be flirtatious & ask LWJ about his bike & then LWJ would offer to give WWX a ride & they’d go all around the scenic parts of the city & when they stopped WWX would be all flustered & breathless & he’d wobble getting off the bike & maybe fall into LWJ & maybe—

okay so his plan was more like a daydream, but at the very least, he wasn’t supposed to look like he’d spent the last 48hrs out of the sun, drinking unhealthy amounts of shitty coffee, wearing a ratty hoodie & art-grimed jeans. like, they’re not even grimey in a cute way

but LWJ is insistent & WWX is weak, so somehow he ends up on the back of the bike wearing LWJ’s helmet with LWJ telling him to hold on tight

he’s half-convinced he’s fallen asleep on the bus stop bench & is dreaming the whole thing

but soon enough, it’s over & they’re stopped outside of WWX’s shitty student accommodations

he gets off & is trying to awkwardly thank LWJ when LWJ says, “you’ve seemed upset these past 2 days”

“ahaha, yeah, i’m just writing a paper”

“for an art theory class?”

WWX is like ????? but then he remembers that LWJ knows what books he checks out 

“yeah. it’s a redo actually. professor Lan hates me.” he forces a laugh. why did he say that. being hated by a professor is not cute, especially not to sexy librarian LWJ. 

“my uncle has high expectations,” LWJ says. 

WWX brain short circuits. 

“your uncle???” shit shit shit Lan Qiren is LWJ’s uncle! LWJ’s uncle hates him! he has no chance now! 

“mn.” 

WWX wants to die

LWJ looks considering, then says, “it is my day off tomorrow. if you would like, i can help you with the paper.”

WWX is already the least cute, most pathetic version of himself he’s ever been in his life. he says yes. 

so they meet up at the library the next day & WWX apologizes profusely for making LWJ come into work when it’s his day off. he promises LWJ endless free coffee from the coffeeshop he works at (even if he has to pay for it himself—he doesn’t tell LWJ that part). 

LWJ is way too nice to him & also manages to explain this school of art theory in a way that?? sort of?? makes sense?? though not in a way that makes WWX like it. but LWJ seems neutral about it, so at least he’s not trying to get WWX to agree with it. 

but anyway, WWX manages to pull a passable paper together & in the process LWJ reveals that he’s noticed WWX sketching in the library a lot more than WWX realized, and that he likes WWX’s art. 

WWX is lightheaded

he stares at LWJ for a while & LWJ looks at him & says, “Wei Ying. you should be typing.” 

WWX gets the paper done by 5pm somehow. somehow! he sends it off to LQR with a groan of relief. he’s so tired his bones are aching, but he looks over at LWJ, art theory & citation king, who of course always looks perfect & beautiful, & goes, “i could kiss you.” 

instead of “i don’t know how i’m ever going to thank you for this,” which is what he thought he was gonna say

LWJ’s eyes widen slightly & his ears go red. WWX wants to smack himself in the face. he wants to eat his words. he wants to crawl into a cramped dark place like a disgusting little mole & never see the sun again.

then LWJ says, “have dinner with me first.” 

WWX gapes at him. LWJ looks back, ears still red but eyes steady. 

“okay,” WWX squeaks. 

they go to dinner. WWX still feels like trash, but they end up having a rousing discussion about art & WWX learns all about when LWJ studied art history in undergrad & how he actually doesn’t like the kind of theory his uncle teaches (“but you’re too good to ever tell him that,” WWX teases. “....most of the time.” WWX laughs in delight.) 

LWJ reveals that he brought an extra helmet today, in case WWX needed a ride again. WWX is embarrassed & pleased & wants to marry LWJ again. feeling foolish, he leans into LWJ flirtatiously & suggests they go for a ride—just for the view. LWJ looks at him so long his knees turn to jelly. then LWJ says, “mn.” 

they make out on some scenic ridge somewhere

the end! 

other things about this au:

WWX does digital painting mostly, his ideal job is illustration/comics; he has a instagram/patreon he uses for art commissions (some of which are pornographic—LWJ catches him sketching in the library one day, early in this tableau. it does not go well.) 

his instagram/patreon is mostly anonymous. it’s not that he minds people knowing he draws explicit stuff sometimes, it’s that he doesn’t want Auntie Yu to find out 

he draws LWJ a lot

not explicitly

(at least not until he’s got a life model and LWJ’s consent)

he’s not at the library 24/7. he has a coffeeshop job, classes, studio time for non-digital art, A-Yuan, and friends. but he’s at the library a lot.

this is undergrad for WWX, but he’s non-trad. he flunked out of a soul-sucking business degree in his first go at undergrad & was on pretty shaky ground with the Jiang family for a while. then he sold some of his art & Auntie Yu said they would support him through art school if it was the only thing he was good at. kinda stung, but at least he doesn’t have to pay tuition.

he’s desperate to prove he can make it as an artist

when anyone asks LWJ about his bike, he says he got it because it allows him to weave around traffic. yes, there’s more to it than that, but no he won’t go into it. (this entire au formed because i found out WYB rides motorcycles professionally & went, “wow that’s hot.” we have no thoughts here.) 

WWX did not have to try to make LWJ like him. LWJ liked him. & while WWX might not have gotten his ideal first bike ride, you better believe LWJ got his. he daydreams about scooping WWX onto his bike & riding off into the sunset

[sirius-archive]

Could I get an imagine where the reader is a muggle American and she’s on vacation in London with her family and she somehow lost her family and she’s like freaking out and then she runs into Sirius on the streets and he like helps calm her down and helps her find her family? Sorry if this is a weird request

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader, James Potter x Lily Evans (mentioned) 

Warnings: Swearing, stranger danger too, I guess. 

A/N: so sorry this took so long! I loved the idea and I hope I did it justice. I might add to it later on or revamp it bc I love the idea but it’s a big maybe at the moment bc I’m so busy with uni and work and also my other wips. I hope you enjoy this though. Also I changed the request quite a bit bc I forgot what you originally wanted! So sorry!! 

just want to add that I did something o probably shouldn’t and included my real life friends! With their permission, ofc. I also made a modern reference even tho it’s supposed to be the seventies but I liked it too much so I left it in ha ha. Also…pls don’t talk to strangers. This is fanfiction people not an advice column. 

****

It’s another uncharacteristically warm day in London.

The sun showers blankets of warm golden light over the city, guilding skyscrapers and warming the sweet, honeyed breeze. Sparrows are chirping sweet, morning songs, dancing in the air with surprising grace. Squirrels scamper across lush green grounds in a park nearby, happily bidding you a good morning.

And not one of these motherfuckers are going to help you find your friends.

You wander aimlessly past the same park monument you saw just half an hour ago. Your legs are already aching, your feet are forming blisters that hurt the more you think about them, and the sun is slowly drilling into your soul.

You think you might die of thirst before you find your friends.

In retrospect, it wasn’t entirely Sophie’s fault. While it was her dumb shit idea to tag along with the sexy British tour guide, you, Matt, Aaron, Riley and Reuben had been far more interested in touring the British Museum. So it wasn’t at all surprising when Sophie rushed off with knockoff Colin Firth to have a jolly high tea or whatever it is British people do on dates. Still, it gave you an opportunity to visit the museum.

You hadn’t even walked through the front gates when Matt, Aaron and Riley wandered off to have a deep and meaningful (you had warned Riley that coming on the trip with Aaron would cause some tension between your group. Thing between you and Aaron were a lot more complicated than the five-night-stand you’d shared last year). Reuben, being his usual womanising self, started flirting with the hot receptionist and not wanting any part of that (last time you wing-womaned for Reuben, the chick thought you were seeking a third), you stepped out for some air.

Now, you’re trying to navigate through the urban maze that is London by yourself, struggling to find your friends who are scattered all over the city.

Slumping against a park chair, you take a deep breath and study your map again. A part of you is screaming at you to swallow your pride and ask for directions but you’re a stubborn New Yorker and if you can effortlessly find your way through the Big Apple, you can tackle London.

“You’re not from around here…” says a masculine voice behind you. You sit up straight, whipping around in the direction of the voice.

Holy fucking cucumber sandwich.

The most handsome man you’ve ever laid your eyes on leans against the trunk of an old oak tree, observing you with a mixture of amusement and intrigue. He looks like he chomps down magical donuts that grant him sexy powers. You stare.

A cigarette hangs from his kissable, smirking lips. His hair falls gracefully around his face, framing glinting gray-blue eyes, high cheekbones and a strong jaw. He’s wearing a leather jacket and exudes all types mysterious-sexy-bad boy vibes. You’d bet a hundred bucks that he rides a motorcycle too.

Boys with motorcycles are usually trouble.

Your mouth goes a little bit dry.

“Please don’t be a serial killer,” you mutter and the stranger cocks a perfect eyebrow.

“What was that?”

You shake your head, “I mean — Is it that obvious?”

Sexy bad boy stranger shrugs, “I know a lost tourist when I see one.”

“Is this what you do, then? Lurk around parks waiting for lost tourists?”

Bad boy chuckles — a deep growling sound that rumbles at the back of his throat, “Maybe. Maybe I was just walking past and thought I’d help out a pretty girl in need.”

It takes all of your willpower not to blush now.

“So you’re just a Good Samaritan, then.”

“I’m whatever you want me to be.”

“What if I want you to go away?”

The handsome, young motorbike guy takes a deliberate step forward, “I think we both know that’s not true.”

You swallow. He’s good at this game. Something tells you that you’re not the first victim of his play-boy charms.

Desperately trying to reclaim your composure, you fold your arms across your chest and glare at him.

“What makes you think I need your help?”

British James Dean thinks for one attractive moment, “Well, you don’t have to accept my help but something tells me that if you don’t ask for directions soon, you’re going to end up wandering around London forever.”

He makes a good point.

You stand up from your seat, arms still folded across your chest, “Hypothetically speaking, If I were to accept your help, how would I know that you’re not a perverted serial killer who wants to collect my spleen and leave me in a ditch or something?”

Sexy stranger takes another step forward, “That’d be a shame. You’re too beautiful to kill, and I’m just beginning to like you.”

“That’s exactly what a perverted serial killer would say.”

“Touché. Alright, how about this: I drop you off at your hotel straight away, no detours and no taxi fees that you have to fork out to greedy muggl— erm, I mean, drivers.”

You consider this. He certainly doesn’t seem like a serial killer. Still, it’s hard to trust a charming stranger, especially one as handsome as he is. Then again, if he’s smart — which he definitely is — he’d never kill you in broad daylight in the middle of London.

You uncross your arms and hold one out for him to shake, “Alright, deal.”

Sexy stranger takes your hand and shakes it. His hand is strong and firm and electricity sparks in the warm space where your hands are clasped together.

“Sirius.”

“What?”

“Sirius.”

You blink at him, “Is that some kind of fungal STI that I need to be aware of?”

Sexy stranger chuckles again, “My name is Sirius.”

Sirius? Who the fuck calls their kid Sirius? You have to admit that the name suits him, and the way he says it — in a husky, velvety murmur — gives the name an alluring sex appeal, which sums him up completely.

You consider giving him a fake name but ultimately decide against it. That’s just weird and you can’t lie for shit.

“I’m (Y/N).”

Sirius repeats your name, tasting it on his lips. A more carnal part of you wishes he’d say it in a completely different context.

“Alright, (Y/N),” Sirius smiles, and he practically glows with charisma, “Lets get you home.”

***

You were right, of course. About the motorcycle.

Sirius’ carefully-polished motorbike is almost as sexy as it’s owner; gleaming in the sunlight and flaunting a sleek black paint job with plush leather seats. Several passerby’s stop to admire it (or Sirius, you can’t exactly tell), though Sirius doesn’t pay them any mind. One dudebro with a repugnantly bright tank top gawks at the motorbike while his girlfriend stares hungrily at Sirius.

“I’ve…never ridden a motorcycle before,” you bleat nervously.

Sirius hands you a helmet and smiles.

“Just hold onto me and you’ll be fine.”

Sirius mounts his motorbike and you awkwardly slide in behind him. You’re not sure where to put your hands so you place them on his shoulders. You think you hear Sirius laugh behind his helmet.

Sirius turns the ignition, revs the engine, and kicks the bike into gear.

“You alright back there?” He calls over the roar of the bike.

“Uh—yeah.”

“Hold onto my waist,” he orders, “You’ll be more secure.”

You’re about to protest but then Sirius takes off and you find your arms flying to his waist, gripping on tightly.

It’s exhilarating. Liberating. Intoxicating.

As Sirius weaves between London traffic, you feel a rush of adrenaline pulse through your veins. The air whips past, fluttering around the ruffled trim of your dress. Your hands soak in the warmth of Sirius’ body, his muscles firm beneath your touch.

You pass familiar landmarks and stores you passed when you and your friends took the double-decker bus from your hotel room. You recognise the buildings around you and realise the hotel is just a few kilometres down the street, on the right.

Suddenly, Sirius veers off to the left and zooms down a street you don’t recognise.

“What are you doing? The hotel is up that way!”

“I just have to make a quick stop,” he shouts over his shoulder.

“That wasn’t part of the deal!”

“Don’t worry, it won’t take long.”

You clutch onto him, apprehension beginning to claw away at your lower belly. Where is he taking you? How could you have been so stupid to trust an extremely attractive stranger to follow through with a deal?

Sirius slows the bike down until it rolls to a stop and flicks the engine off, climbing off sexily. He helps you clamber awkwardly off the bike and you tear your helmet off, taking in your surroundings for the first time.

You’re next to a footpath with a view of the The Thames, lined with large ornamental pear trees. Its quite a romantic spot with a view of the entire city sitting pretty behind the flowing River Thames.

Sirius tells you to wait by the motorbike and stalks away, rushing toward a boy who looks about your age. He’s tall, has messy black hair, and half-frame glasses. He looks like a sexy professor with the body of an Olympic swimmer that all the girls have crushes on.

Why are all the men here so insanely attractive?

You’re just about to sink into a delightful fantasy of sexy Professor feeding you grapes when Sirius comes up behind you.

“Ready to go?”

You ignore his question, “Who was the god — I mean — guy that you saw?”

Sirius arches an eyebrow. You notice for the first time that there is a scar knitted into it, “That’s James. He’s a total prat, by the way.”

“Sounds like you two have that in common,” you quip and Sirius mocks offence.

“Anyone tell you that you’re cruel?”

“Everyday of my life.”

“Here I was thinking you were just another hot little American bird.”

For one half of a millisecond, your brain snags on the word ‘hot.’ Did he just call you hot? You heard that right? You recover with grace, grinning wickedly.

“You’ll get over it.”

A teasing smirk flirts around the corners of Sirius’ lips, a little crookedly, slanting lazily in a way that makes your cheeks warm. He looks amused by this verbal tug-of-war but also a little turned on.

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel the same way.

“You ever walk along the River Thames?” Sirius asks, sliding his strong, sexy hands into the pocket of his sexy leather jacket. He begins to follow the footpath, leading you past the knots of pigeons and moonstruck lovers.

“No,” you sigh, “Admittedly, I just came along for the underage drinking and the hot British guys.”

Sirius laughs, “How’s that working out for you?”

You shrug, teasing him with a flirtatious smile, “I’m still working on it.”

“If you want,” Sirius begins, clawing at the nape of his neck, “I can help you out with that.”

You quirk a carefully-manicured brow, “What, you know any hot guys like your buddy James?”

Sirius snorts, “I wouldn’t go saying that around his girlfriend.”

“Why, is she the jealous type?”

“No, she’s the ‘try-not-to-make-his-fat-Head-even-fatter’ type.”

You chuckle, intrigue plucking at your mind, “She’s my type of girl.”

“Lily is everyone’s type of girl.”

“Well now I just have to meet her.”

Sirius raises his brows, a spark of hope in his eyes, “Is that your way of telling me that you’re taking me up on the offer for free beer?”

“You never said it was free before.”

“I’m feeling generous.”

“Aw, and they say chivalry is dead.”

Sirius laughs easily in a way that is completely carefree, as though laughter bubbles just beneath his skin, itching to pour out. It’s mesmerising how he doesn’t seem to take life too seriously.

“You are something else,” he says, letting his eyes catch and linger on yours for a quiet, suspended moment.

A gust of warm, summer wind brings peach blossoms raining down. The gentle coo of a skylark echoes in the distance. Time slows to a stop to stare at the two of you.

He steps forward, like he’s about to kiss you.

You let him.

He tastes like liquor and rebellion, a little wild in a way you’ve never realised you’ve wanted, you’ve needed. His hands are strong as they wrap around you, pulling you flush against his chest. Your fingers roam through his hair, tangling, tugging, earning a low groan from the back of his throat. You feel drunk on him, your head spinning and your heart thumping, as though it’s trying to tear through your chest and leap into his strong, capable hands. Suddenly, you realise how weird this is. He’s a stranger you’ve known for an hour or so yet now you’re kissing him. It’s as though you’re somehow drawn to him, to his energy, to the way he seems to know you intimately, in ways you hardly know about yourself. You break away, taking a step away from him. Sirius looks like he’s five again and has just had his favourite toy ripped away from him. 

““Are you—?”

Slap

Before you even realise what you’re doing, you’re slapping him across the cheek, not hard but he feels it. You kissed a stranger. That is a thing you did. You also slapped said stranger, partly because of impulse and partly because you’re terrified of how quickly your feelings are beginning to stir for someone you hardly know. Sirius is stunned, silent, staring at you with shock and hurt that stings you more than it should. You stare back, drawn in by every fleck of colour in his eyes, suddenly aware that, sure, he may be a stranger but that doesn’t mean he has to stay one. Obviously, you have a connection.

 So…connect.

 You crash your lips against his again, throwing your arms around his neck. 

Your friends can wait. You’ve found yourself a new tour guide. 

[totallypathet]

Episode Three

First of all...what the fuck was that challenge. And what the fuck was the logic to judging it?! I spent so much of this episode just being confused. I think it would have been so much better if they were allowed to come up with their own ideas and characters, instead of having this really narrow space to work in; that was bizarre to me. Like Just Jan could have done a really delusional, high energy character who was the worst singer in the world; that would have been funny! Instead they stuck them with these bizarre storylines that made no sense, and had very little humour in them. Idk whose choice that was but it was a choice. Anyway, let's get into the rundown!

1. Aiden Zhane

I am not living for Aiden at all. Her attitude in both episodes has let a lot to be desired for me. And also, that runway? What was that? I could buy that dress on Asos, glue some bows to it and have that look. The concept was cool, the bows falling on her? Cool idea. But if you're going to do that then you need to Do It, yknow? Like it would have been cool if she'd had a huge wig completely made of bows. Or if she'd had an umbrella and made it look like it was raining bows, or something, that could have been really cool! It could have been amazing and she took a really easy way out. Disappointing. And her performance was dull. She deserved to be in the bottom more than Nicky Doll.

The only thing I will say for Aiden in this episode is the way Brita and Redacted behaved towards her was really uncool. They did that whole "you didnt lead us at all", and then told her that they carried her? You know that if she had led them they would have totally thrown her under the bus and said "well we do this professionally and we wanted to do this, but she was the leader and she made us do that". It was totally a damned if you, damned if you don't; and that was really unfair.

2. Brita

Guys, I am Bored of Brita. I am over it, and I am underwhelmed. I haven't seen anything from her that I've enjoyed! Her looks have been dull, she's not that funny, and I dont like the way she behaves (like I said with Aiden). She wont be next to go home, but hopefully she wont be long.

3. Crystal Methyd

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE CRYSTAL METHYD! I'm so sick of them going "oh her makeup is always the same", when it has been different each time!! She has a style and a brand, but it's not the same face!! Aiden Zhane does the same fucking face, none of them have picked that out! Loads of queens come in and they only have one face! Not mentioning any names Silky Nutmeg Ganache and Roxxxy Andrews. They got away with it because they were beauty mugs and that's the type of drag this show is biased towards. Crystal Methyd is an artist, let her do herself! That runway look was ugly though. Having said all that. Her face was gorgeous, I loved her makeup, I just thought that look wasnt very her! It didn't suit her somehow, it wasn't right. But she tried really hard during the improv, and I think she did a passable job! She honestly should have been safe, fight me. I just really hope she doesn't change herself to please the judges bc she has such a great vision and point of view, and I don't want her to lose sight of how great she is.

4. Dahlia Sin

Dahlia, Dahlia, Dahlia. Speaking of being underwhelmed, am I right? I had such high hopes for Dahlia, but this week she just didn't pull anything out. I personally think the fruit sketch was really funny, but it would have been exactly the same if Dahlia hadn't been in the group. She was so focused on being ~sexy~ (which is tough in a broccoli costume), that she forgot about everything else. Plus her bows and buttons look was just...odd. from the neck up it had this very avant garde, couture feel, but the outfit itself just looked unfinished. And then to have this weird arse peekaboo thing? Really weird choice. She deserved to be in the bottom and, after that lip sync, she deserved to go home.

I have seen a lot of posts about Dahlia "storming out", and I genuinely don't understand what they're talking about? Like, okay, she didn't say anything before she walked off, does that really constitute storming off? If she'd walked off while Ru was still talking, or if she'd yelled/screamed/sworn, then sure, maybe - but from what I saw she was just upset and wanted to leave as fast as possible. Idk, also they haven't released Untucked on the UK Netflix, so maybe there was more I didnt see.

5. Gigi Goode

I live for Gigi so much. I mean come on! Her character in the improv was passed out half the time and still had presence! She's so funny, and she's not afraid to let loose and get ugly. I think she did a good job in the improv, especially for someone without all that much experience, and her look on the runway was incredible. Solid 8/10 for Gigi this week.

6. Heidi N Closet

Heidi was robbed. I bought everything Heidi was selling this week. I bought it, I didn't stream it, I didn't rent it from the Netflix, I bought it. She was so funny during the challenge; the flipper? She spat out? Iconic. She had me dying the whole time, her, Jackie Cox and Gigi Goode should have their own series, I'd watch the hell out of it. Then she came bouncing down the runway as glitter Pinnochio, and she told that story about when she was at school and I loved every second! Shes so charming, and loveable, and relatable, and Jaida Essence Hall must have been gagged when she was top 2. She was robbed, she should have won, and she should keep her name! That whole thing with "the mouth has to change shape and it's not satisfying to say"? Bullshit, utter bullshit bitch. Heidi N Closet 4lyf.

7. Jackie Cox

Jackie made me so happy this week! Their whole group was hilarious, but Jackie doing the bad ventriloquist act just sent me, I loved it. And she just seems like the sweetest person as well! Her runway look was gorgeous, I loved the reference, her makeup was absolutely stunning, Jackie Cox is seriously the whole package. Her and Heidi should have been top 2 together.

8. Jaida Essence Hall

Jaida came in looking like a pageant queen, but she seriously flexed her comedy muscles this week! Her "bad apple" was hilarious, and she really committed to it! She was a firm leader in the group, but she was a good team player in the scene, she let everyone else have their moment too, and it was a good performance! I was a little bit disappointed that her runway look was very very similar to her spring mini challenge look from last week, but it was still a good look, and honestly I probably wouldnt have noticed if it hadn't been one episode after the other. She has shown a lot of diversity already, I think she just set the bar so high last week that I was really expecting something incredible, and I got something that was "just" good instead. She's still one to beat at the moment!

9. Jan

Jan made me so proud this week!! She was really funny in the skit, she had so much energy and enthusiasm, I loved it! Her jokes were funny, she picked a solid character and played it well, and can we talk about the runway though??? I really expected her to come out in something cute, because her personality is so bubbly and instead she gave me horror high fashion, monster couture and she Sold. Every. Second. It was a total transformation from the challenge to the runway and that, at the heart of it, is what I love about drag; that transformation aspect is just art to me. For me, Jan has it all. She definitely should have been top 3 this week. I think she's served the best runways so far, and I cannot wait to see what she does next week.

10. Nicky Doll

Okay, you guys know I love Nicky Doll. This week was not a good week for her. I appreciate that improv must be so hard in your second language, but I think she suffered a little bit from Dahlia Syndrome: she was so focused on staying pretty that she didn't really deliver anything. I kind of wish her character had literally just been French and spoke no English - part of the joke could have been that language barrier and Crystal/Window not understanding a word she said and her getting more and more frustrated about it. That could have been really funny. Also, her runway look...I know where she was going with it, it was a cool concept, and it was executed okay, there was just something missing, you know? It felt a little bit rushed, and again there was this real focus on being ~pretty~. Maybe if she'd looked a little more Cinderella ish, like her makeup wasn't perfect, and her hair was tied up like she was actually sewing, it would have sold me a little more character. I'm not sure, everything was just a little off for me this week, but I still think she's fierce af, and we all stumble sometimes. I'm looking forward to seeing her get back on her feet next week!

11. Rock M Sakura

Rock M was picked last for the challenge, I could not believe it. She deserved better than that, I was shook. She definitely picked the right group though, she was really funny as the Orange! She looked like she was having fun, and that's what I love about Rock M, is that I have fun watching her have fun. Her jokes were great, she matched Jan's energy, and I think she did a good job. I loved her runway look as well, the Alice in Wonderland concept was great, and I love that she kept the dress pretty simple so that the focus was on her hair and makeup! Her makeup was gorgeous, and the detail of the buttons on her face was stunning! It was a great concept, well executed, this week was a great week for Rock M, and I'm going to be furious if she gets picked last again.

12. Widow Von Du

Widow is getting The Edit. The edit that queens of colour who are talented get, where they paint them as bitchy, or loud, or as stepping on the other girls' toes; so that the audience isn't too pussed off when they get eliminated. Widow is exceedingly talented, and funny, and filled with personality. She also serves looks and delivers incredible performances. I will not let this edit take that away from her. She did great this week. She delivered everything I ordered in the challenge and more, she completely transformed for the runway, and she sold me a great presentation. Widow is definitely one to beat.

[starkerforlife6969]

Jealousy’s a Dancer - starker/spidershield, ft creepy Norman

hello you fucking ray of sunshine, can you write one where norman osborne goes to some big ballet production where Peter is dancing (the nutcracker? it's christmas?) and literally just falls in love with my boo and starts stalking him but peter doesn't want to worry anyone and so the tony&gang are so fkn jealous and possessive in diff ways and then norman SNATCHES MY BABE and gets bruised up and hurt in the process and they raise HELL... OR (same anon, ran out of space bc i love everything you write and you scratch my NEED for soft, sweet adorable peter) you can just make it a drabble and make it solely starker or steve/peter or whatever is easiest for you. omfg i love you. i'm gonna go crawl back to hell; the tour bus is leaving without me

This is the nicest way anyone has ever asked for a story ever??? So, um, I love you. Let’s get all sorts of married. And I hope this doesn’t disappoint!

TW: mentions of violence, kidnapping, jealousy, obsession. Mafia Boss Tony and Body Guard Steve, Ballerina Peter

Tony’s face is creased with worry and regret, as he draws Peter into his arms and kisses him firmly on the forehead. “I’m so sorry I won’t make it, sweetheart,” he whispers, and Peter smiles, and surges onto his tiptoes and kisses Tony right on the nose.

“Daddy,” he murmurs sweetly, shaking his head. “It’s okay, really. Steve’s coming and ’m on for five nights, you can-“

“But I’m missing opening night.” Tony groans, “and you’ve been working so hard, and I…” he shakes his head angrily, and there’s murder in his eyes. “I’m gonna kill whoever it was that blew up our shipment, baby. Because they’ve interfered with you and I never tolerate that.”

Peter wants to urge his boyfriend not to kill anyone, but really, there’s no convincing Tony when he’s this upset. So, instead, he peppers kisses onto Tony’s beard until the older man huffs a fond laugh and hoists Peter up into a hug.

“You’re going to be superb,” Tony insists, and he smells of gunpowder and and expensive fabric. It’s a smell Peter associates with safety and comfort, and he nuzzles in closer. “You give me the names of anyone who doesn’t give you a standing ovation and I’ll hunt them down.”

Peter giggles at that and promises for the umpteenth time that it’s really, really okay, before Tony finally goes to sort out business.

Opening night is tomorrow, and he’s still a little jittery. But he’s excited, and he can’t wait, and he hopes the reviews are good and-

The front door opens and for a second Peter thinks Tony’s come back and decided to leave the manhunting for another night- but it’s Steve, wrapped up warm from the cold, winter air.

“Steve!” Peter squeals delightedly, bounding into his arms, and Steve chuckles, catching him easily and kissing him gently on the lips. “You just missed Tony!”

“Shit, really?” Steve frowns, setting Peter down gently and unwinding his scarf. “I have to talk to him- something big’s come up- Dubroveski’s doubled his men, I have to go with him.”

Peter nods worriedly, following on his heels as Steve heads for the bedroom. “Do you want me to call him for you or…?”

Steve shakes his head distractedly. “No, no, baby, don’t worry. I’ll pack a bag real quick and catch up with him at the airport.” 

Peter nods, and sits on the bed as Steve packs. It then occurs to him that-

“Oh!” He gasps, a little sadly, and Steve’s head snaps up worriedly. “Oh- it’s nothing, really,” he hurries, but those blue eyes are relentless, so Peter’s shoulders slump a little and he blushes. “It’s silly, really, I know how important your work is but- it’s opening night tomorrow and-“

“Shit.” Steve whispers, closing his eyes in frustration. He immediately abandons his bags and comes to sit by Peter on the bed. “Shit, baby, I’m sorry. It shouldn’t have slipped my mind. You know what, I’ll have Clint tail Tony instead and-“

“No, no!” Peter insists worriedly, because Steve is the best bodyguard and Peter couldn’t handle it if something happened to Tony because Peter had been selfish. “You have to go, it’s fine! You can both come to one of the other nights.”

Steve frowns, shaking his head. “I’m sorry,” he mutters, scooping Peter up and onto his lap. “I’m sorry, doll, really.”

Peter smiles warmly, “I know you are. Now come on, if you don’t pack Tony one of his Armani suits he’s gunna be angry that he couldn’t do his fashion power play.”

Steve snorts at that. “It is his go to move.”

*** Norman normally doesn’t care for the ballet.

If anything, he’s annoyed that he’s here. Some bullshit tickets were purchased for Oscorp’s charity fundraiser and here he is, in one of the most expensive seats, watching the Nutcracker.

It’s a cliché of a Christmas ballet and he’s wondering whether he can get away with sleeping through it when-

The boy walks on.

He’s beautiful. One of the most beautiful young men Norman has ever seen. He can’t be older than 21 and his costume is fitted, leaving nothing to the imagination, and he’s cloaked in pink glitter and salmon silk and Norman coils his hands into fists and wants.

Suddenly, he’s very grateful for his vantage point, and for the viewing glasses he has. Suddenly, he’s invested.

The boy is the epitome of grace and elegance as he moves. Technically perfect and wonderfully in tune with the music. Norman was forced to see a lot of ballet performances as a boy and he knows that there’s no wonder this boy was cast as Clara. He’s perfect.

The look on his face when the Nutcracker falls, how he falls to his knees, lips parted in a soundless gasp of pain, how he leaps into the air like he weighs less than a feather-

It makes Norman dizzy with desire. How that supple body would feel writhing under his hands, what the boy’s voice sounds like- no doubt, as pretty as him.

When the boy’s not on stage, Norman leafs through the pamphlet. Peter Parker as Clara. Peter Parker. A pretty name for a pretty boy.

He wants to suck hickies into that perfect, marble skin.

The hours pass by like minutes, and when the curtain falls, he’s up on his feet just like everyone else, but he’s only applauding one person.

And it’s the boy who outshone all the dancing dolls and snowflakes and soldiers.

He’s applauding Peter Parker.

* Because he’s Norman Osborn, billionaire and tech-tycoon, it’s easy to get backstage, and what surprises him is the lack of anyone at Peter’s dressing room door.

No girlfriend, then? No boyfriend? People are clearly blind.

Norman knocks, checks his perfectly tailored suit, and is still winded when Peter opens the door.

This close he can see everything. The smattered of freckles across the boy’s dainty nose. The faint dimples as he smiles. The flushed skin with a few strands of oaky, chestnut hair stuck to his forehead. He’s dainty, so small and slender, and he smells like perfume and flowers. The scent is intoxicating.

“Hi?” Peter smiles warmly, looking at him.

“Peter,” Norman grins, extending his hand. “I’m Norman Osborne. I just wanted to stop by and say that you were- are- absolutely remarkable. An exquisite dancer .The true stand out of the company.”

“Mr Osborne?” Peter repeats, aghast. “From Oscorp Industries?”

Norman grins; sharp and proud. “The very same.”

And then the compliment seems to sink in, and the boy goes an even more delicious shade of pink, and he’s inviting Norman into his dressing room. “Thank you so much- I mean- everyone was amazing though. I mean, Harlequin’s dance? I never could have done that in a thousand years, Ronda is amazing-“

“You’re too modest,” Norman cuts him off, even though he’d quite like to listen to the lovely lilt of the boy’s voice for hours. “Forgive me for being too bold, but could I take you out for a drink to celebrate? Perhaps even dinner? You must be starving after a performance like that.”

Peter flushes again, it goes right down his neck. “Mr Osbourne, you’re too kind, really, but you don’t have to-“

“It would be my pleasure.”

Peter smiles, but his eyes are slightly hesitant. They’re lovely eyes. Like melted amber and caught sunlight. “I’m in a relationship, Mr Osbourne,” he says apologetically, “though I’d love to get a drink as friends? I’m not much of a wine drinker but I’ll never say no to something sweet.”

A relationship, Norman wants to roll his eyes. It can’t be much of one, if whoever it is isn’t even here. They don’t deserve a boy like Peter. They wouldn’t know what to do with those needy fingertips and desperate whimpers-

Whoever they are, they’re irrelevant. So, he plays along. “As friends, I would be thrilled.” And he offers his arm.

Like the perfect boy he is, Peter takes it.

** Peter is a vision the second night.

Tony is the first on his feet when the curtain closes, whistling and clapping so hard his palms sting. Steve’s applauding beside him- the whole crowd follow suit and get to their feet, and when the curtain rises and Tony sees his boy, he whistles loudly and throws bouquet after bouquet of blue roses onto the stage.

He’s front row, dead centre, so Peter sees him immediately and bows low and gorgeous.

God, he was perfect. Tony is going to come and watch this performance every night. Peter’s hypnotising on stage. As graceful as a snowflake, he was made to dance.

“You were incredible!” Steve gushes once they’re backstage, scooping Peter into his arms and spinning him around in the air. Peter’s still in his tutu- frilly white and fringed with silver, and he giggles with delight, before Tony reaches in to grab his boy into his arms and kiss him hard.

“Bambino, you’re perfect. Sublime. You’ve blown me away.”

Peter laughs, kissing the underside of Tony’s jaw.”I’m pretty sure those flowers will be covering the stage for ages! How many did you buy?”

“Nowhere near enough for you.” He promises, and Peter laughs- head tipping back, glitter shimmering all over his face. He’s gorgeous, when-

“Norman!” Peter beams, and Steve stiffens as someone enters. Tony turns and his eyes widen a fraction- that’ll all the response he’ll show outwardly. But inwardly, he’s furious. That’s Norman Osbourne, what the hell is Peter doing greeting him like an old friend?

Norman smiles warmly, enveloping Peter in a hug that’s far too fucking familiar- Tony’s already reaching for his gun, but Steve’s hand is gentle and warning on his elbow. Norman’s in a fucking three piece suit- deep green with streaks of velvet embroidery, and Tony’s in Tom Ford- his suit is more expensive, no doubt, but Norman’s suits him better.

When Osbourne finally looks at him, he’s smiling like he knows. It’s a tight, smug, cordial smile. “Tony Stark. What a surprise it is to see you at a place so cultured.” His eyes drift to Steve and he chuckles. “And not without protection, of course.”

“Osbourne.” Tony greets bitterly, “and what are you doing here? Preying on the souls of the young, or-“

“Guys,” Peter laughs nervously, moving to stand between them. “Tony, Steve, this is Norman. We met yesterday at opening night when he came to congratulate me and took me out for a few drinks. And Norman, this is Tony- who you already know- and Steve, my boyfriends.”

Tony smirks, mean and victorious, at Norman’s look of surprise.

“Boyfriends.” Norman repeats, still a little starstruck. “So modern.”

“Peter knows what he wants.” Steve murmurs lowly, and Norman sizes him up, before accordingly stepping back. This isn’t his arena, Tony knows. Norman may have a legitimate tech business but he has a number of goons who Tony’s run into before. Ties to the seedy underbelly of New York.

And now Peter knows him. Norman’s come along- must have done his research about Peter- knew Tony wouldn’t be here and-

“I won’t keep you.” Norman smiles, all polite and fake, “I just wanted to say you were spectacular again, Peter. We must have lunch sometime.”

“Oh sure!” Peter beams, curls tumbling into his eyes. “Text me anytime.”

“Texting.” Norman chuckles again, heading for the door. “So modern.”

* Peter is, understandably, angry when Tony bans him from ever seeing Norman again.

Steve tries not to get too involved, because he knows how quickly Tony’s jealousy can shift to anger, but Peter is yelling now, and Steve can’t bear it when they fight.

“He didn’t even know I was with you!” Peter cries, out of his outfit now, and in his warm, pink pastel pyjamas. He’s still got speckles of glitter across his freckles, but his cheeks are flushed with indignation.

Tony lets out a patient sigh. He’s still in his suit- he’s been pacing agitatedly since they got back, calling some of the others to see if Norman had been sniffing around their operation- and he leans against his oak desk and shakes his head. “Baby, you’re too trusting. He’s lying to you-“

“I’m not-“ Peter glares at him, choking a little, “I’m not an idiot, Tony, he’s not using me! He just- he just wanted to be friends-“

“He’s dangerous.” Tony growls, standing up straight. “I won’t let you put yourself in danger. You’ve known him for what, a day? And you’re already picking him over me?”

Peter gapes at him, swiping his hand viciously through his curls. “Picking him? Tony, I just don’t want you to tell me who I can and can’t see! He’s been nothing but nice to me-“

“He’s using you, Peter, don’t be so blind!” Tony yells.

Tears, crystal and sparkly, slip from Peter’s eyes and he wipes them away as fast as they appeared. Steve gets to his feet and crosses the room, pulling Peter into his arms. He gives Tony a warning look, but the brunet already looks contrite. “That’s the only reason anyone would even talk to me, right? To get to you?

“That’s not what I meant, piccolo, I just worry about you.”

Peter turns away from him, and buries his face into Steve’s chest. He hugs him tightly, rubbing his hands up and down Peter’s small frame. Steve doesn’t trust Norman either but…Norman had looked surprised to see the two of them- to learn about their relationship to Peter. Plus, Tony keeps Peter so well hidden- how could Norman have known-

Tony can’t bear it any longer, before he crosses the room in three long strides and wraps his arms around Peter too, so their boy is cuddled between them. “Let me look into it first,” he pleads quietly, “just to make sure- just to check. Peter, if something happened to you, I-“ his voice wavers uncharacteristically, “I’m not sure what I’d do. But I’m pretty sure a murderous rampage is fairly high on the list.”

Peter looks up, cracking a small smile, and threads his fingers through Tony’s. “And if you don’t find anything?” He asks, sniffling.

Tony pauses, but under Steve’s glance, he sighs. “If there’s nothing then, I won’t stop you.”

*

Try as Tony might to find something, he doesn’t.

It seems more and more likely that Norman found Peter quite by chance, which is just…furiously unlucky.

But true to his word, he doesn’t stop Peter from hanging out with him.

His jealousy gets the better of him a lot of the time. He’s a possessive bastard. Steve’s managing to be above it all, and Tony tries to listen to his advice but it’s hard.

Because all the things he loves most about Peter- his big, honest eyes, his innocence, his belief, his ability to see the best in absolutely everyone- well, it’s all the things that are allowing Norman to elbow his way in.

So far, Norman and Peter have only met up twice- Norman had magically appeared at Peter’s final night of the ballet, and they’d gone out to brunch at a small bistro up on Terrace street the next morning.

Nothing’s happening. Nothing’s happening, Tony knows that. He trusts Peter- he knows that Peter would never, ever cheat. And Peter’s so open about everything- he keeps his phone unlocked and Tony’s seen him texting over his shoulder- all the messages to Norman are polite and courteous and-

Peter is an angel.

But he’s their angel. He’s with Tony and Steve, and-

Tony is greedy. He doesn’t want their boy out with anyone else and-

“Tony,” Steve says urgently, walking into the room with a frown on his face. “Has Peter called yet? I told him to message by six, but he’s still not back.”

“He hasn’t.” Tony mutters worriedly, reaching for his phone. “Who’s he out with?”

“Norman.”

* This is all rather humiliating, if he’s honest.

His head still throbs from where it was slammed into the brickwork, and he thinks his lip is busted from the struggle he put up as he was loaded into the back of a limo.

It’s a nice limo, he thinks dully, looking up at the open roof. He can see the stars rolling by. There are plush leather seats and it smells clean.

Tony’s limo is nicer, though. It has a mini-fridge stocked with all of Peter’s favourite snacks, and there are comfy throw pillows everywhere.

“I wish it hadn’t had to be like this.” Norman says, and Peter lets out a muffled noise through the gag, to see the man looking down at him. “But he’s got you so wrapped around his finger, pet. They don’t care about you. They weren’t even there at your opening night. They let you come out with me. Besides, Stark’s involved with- dangerous operations. Someone like you shouldn’t be anywhere near his line or work.”

Peter rolls his eyes in annoyance, shimmying onto his back. His vision is still a little dizzy, but all he can think of is how smug Tony is gunna be.

Damn, Peter should have listened to him. He’s always right, in the end.

Right on cue- a horrible screeching rings out as another vehicle scrapes along the side of the limo. Norman jolts up, but Peter just curls into a ball and tucks himself as far under the seats as he can- just like Steve taught him.

The screech happens again, and then the driver swerves and they crash to a halt-

Cold wind whips in as the door is wrenched open, and Steve is there- tugging Norman out of the car, and then-

Tony’s there, and he’s scooping Peter out and removing his gag.

“You were right,” Peter gasps, even as he’s carried bridal style in Tony’s arms to their own car. “I’m sorry.” He nuzzles into his throat. “You’re right, I should have- I should have listened to you-“

“Precious boy,” Tony mutters, yanking a blanket from Clint to wrap over Peter’s shoulders as he’s buckled in. His touch is quick, but careful, his fingers dragging softly over Peter’s skin. “Never change.” And he kisses Peter’s forehead-

That’s when he notices the little trickle of blood, and his worry morphs into cold fury.

Peter tries not to smile. That’s Tony’s killing look. Norman’s going to die.

“You hurt, baby?” He hisses, hands curled into fists and Peter leans in to kiss him on the lips.

“I love you,” he says instead, and Tony kisses him back- distracted for a moment- before he goes to join Steve.

Peter can briefly hear Norman begging, but then the door is being shut and radio is being flipped on.

“Steve put some ice packs in the bag,” Clint says, “he thought you might need ‘em.”

Peter smiles, reaching for one and pressing it gingerly to his head. He thinks he might fall asleep. “Tell them I love them?” He asks drowsily, and Clint smiles warmly at him.

“Sure thing, kid. But trust me- they already know.”

[kaisooficrec]

Hello, thank youuuu ^^ these are new slowburn fics:

Days in the sun by Kairousels - 55k of goodness; wolf au fluff soulmates

Dead End Lover by owarijanai - Kyungsoo meets Jongin at a bus stop and his life changes forever. Inspired by Richard Walter’s Dead End Lover song.

Carpe Diem by ArgentDeer - on-going 25k for now. Harry Potter AU where love affects many student lives including Jongin’s and Kyungsoo’s. funny fic and the ages are not the same

As you wish by jjokkomi - ART! royalty au where kyungsoo was taught how to behave properly. ‘Kyungsoo learns at an early age that he is to be seen but not heard’. quote ‘it has the slowest slow burn’ but it’s very good 159k

the love i didn’t realize i craved by thompsonanna - Kyungsoo awakens as an omega and he has to learn so much about himself and his life as an omega. He also has to learn about Alpha Jongin, a CEO

So Darkness I Became by lucyoppa - Jongin comes back to Kyungsoo like Autumn turns the leaves colourful, like Winter blows in with chilly gusts of wind and snow. Inevitably. Greek Mythology AU ^^

- Admin Moon

Lust for Life - abo, age gap. Jongin has been in love with kyungsoo since he was a little kid after kyungsoo moved in with him and his dad. Years later, he still hasn’t fallen out of love with kyungsoo even though he keeps rejecting him. in love with this fic ;; author pls love me. 

Double Trouble - uni au. kyungsoo doesn't know jongin and kai are twins. Things become difficult when both jongin and kai develop a crush on Kyungsoo.

Fix Me - 100 days husbands au, Frankenstein au. Prince Jongin gets startled when he finds a man at his door covered in blood and stitches, but still takes him in. 

In the end (you are all I want) - Prince kyungsoo is set to take over the crown and become king. His parents think otherwise and tell him if he wants to become king, he has to marry. 

What the Nightingale Spies - let me tell you when I say I'm in love. pretty sure everyone has read this masterpiece but I’m putting it here bc it hasn't been recommended on this tag yet. Jongin is a navigator for a government spy agency and kyungsoo enters as the new operative. Even though they only speak to each other through his headset, Jongin is smitten with kyungsoo’s voice. 

Fated Mistake - kyungsoo is a businessman, arranged to be married to another businessman, chanyeol. jongin and baekhyun are sons of gang leaders that are also arranged to be married. An accidental mix up happens where baekhyun and kyungsoo switch weddings, making kaisoo and chanbaek marry each other. 

Pomegranate Seeds. - Modern greek mythology au! with kyungsoo being persephone and jongin being hades.  

Baby Steps - jongin and kyungsoo are friends with benefits and jongin gets kyungsoo pregnant. Kyungsoo keeps being hesitant about his feelings for jongin.

Effervescent Pearls - marine biologist kyungsoo finds mermaid Jongin injured on land after a storm, so he rescues him and takes him into his home. Jongin, who hates humans, take a long time to warm up to him. ADORE THIS FIC OMG.

Point of Intersection - Jongin and the rest of EXO are confused when their bandmate, Kyungsoo kisses Jongin and claims they're engaged. Kyungsoo is from a different universe. 

Two Sugars - kyungsoo is a businessman that works at a fashion magazine and goes to a coffee shop every morning to sneak a peek at his favorite barista, jongin. this fic gets wild. 

No buts, just beauty - abo, uni au. Kyungsoo got attacked when he was younger and has had a scar across his face for most of his life. He gets bullied and has a hard time trusting other wolves, only befriending humans. Alpha Jongin thinks kyungsoo and his scar are beautiful and spends a long time pining after him. literally stayed up till 5am to finish this fic. 

wowie its been a while since our last slow burn request! you can view our past ones here my darlings!

- Admin R 

[keepseaveyweird]

Requested- yes! by the best @coolkidcorbyn - blurb idea! what if you worked at a diner and the boys stopped in really late one night bc they are traveling on tour and they are super sweet ofc and y/n has a moment with one of them and later finds a napkin with a phone number and :)

a/n: I changed it just a bit and I’m sorry I take a million years to do literally anything but it’s finally up and a lot longer than a blurb lmao

word count: 2938 

She frowned, watching her friends all at the concert without her. Her friends meeting them after the show and singing along to their songs from the crowd. She wanted to go, wanted to see the boys so bad, but she didn’t have enough money and her small diner job wouldn’t give her extra hours to afford it. So instead of singing her lungs out, she sat at work in the middle of the night, sad she missed out on such a fun opportunity to see her favorite band.

She hated the night shift, hated everything about it. Hated the random chores she had to do to make her shift more productive, hated sitting around doing nothing because no one wanted to eat at 2am. Hated weekend night shifts even more because then it was crazy at 2am, filled with drunk or high kids from the local high school who were impossible to work with and never tipped. She much rather preferred the busy mornings filled with old, retired couples who would chat her ear off and tip like no other. Work mornings when the sun shined and the birds chirped and the small town she lived in actually felt alive.

It was not one of those morning though, instead it was a dead Wednesday night. The sun had gone down hours ago, kids had gone home to rest for school the next morning, business men finished their meetings and went home to their families. It sucked living in a drive-by town right off the interstate, where truckers just stopped for a quick break, families used the bathroom so they could continue their road trip to wherever they were going. It lacked fun, lacked excitement and she couldn’t pray enough for someone to come in or for something amazing to happen.

Having stood around, chatting to the one cook on duty for hours, she heard the bell on the door ding, indicating someone had walked in. Her eyebrows crinkled, as well as her co-workers, because it was 1:30 in the morning and no one ever stopped by at those hours. So to say she was surprised when she walked out to see five boys laughing as they continued to trickle in was an understatement.

She stopped dead in her tracks, her knees buckling as she rounded the corner of the counter. They hadn’t noticed her yet, too busy yawning and rubbing their eyes to notice the girl running back to the kitchen to collect herself. Because it was her favorite band, her favorite boys in the whole world that she thought she missed out on, but instead received a surprise visit. She knew they’d pass by on the tour bus, the diner being on the way to the next city, but she didn’t know they’d stop, didn’t think this opportunity would actually happen. So she checked herself in the mirror, fixed her jean skirt as well as readjusted the apron around her waist and walked out as calmly as she could.

“How are you guys doing tonight?” she smiled grabbing menus from behind the counter.

“Great,” Jonah grinned, “how ‘bout yourself?” he was so friendly, so smiley and charming at this hour she couldn’t imagine what he was like when he was fully awake, fully energized. The other four smiled, nodding and mumbling as well, Corbyn making eye contact with her and becoming a shade of red.

“As good as I can get,” she said, leading them to a table near the front and away from the window, just in case because she knew they didn’t want to be spotted. They all sat down, each thanking her for the menu she placed in front of them, nicer than she ever could’ve imagined them to be.

“I’ll let you guys look over the menu, my names y/n so just let me know if you have any questions” she told them, leaving them as she ran back to the kitchen.

“Thanks y/n!” you heard Corbyn yell a bit as he yawned once again.

What the hell is happening, she thought, leaning up against the counter as she let out of huff of air, the older man laughing at her.

“They giving you a hard time?” He asked her as he continued prepping vegetable for the morning.

“No, not at all they’re so nice,” she explained to him, “but you know how I wanted to go to that concert tonight to see my favorite band?”

The man gently nodded, remembering her complaints earlier that night as she drowned her sorrows in coffee, “that’s them,” she pointed out the doorway.

He leaned over to peak out the open door, a chuckle leaving his mouth, earning a glare from y/n.

“This isn’t funny! What do I do?” she sighed, putting her elbows on the counter, head in her hands as she ran her hands through her hair.

“How about you go take their order?” he suggested with a smirk. So, with as much confidence as she could muster, she left the back room and approached the boys who seemed to be giving Corbyn a hard time. They didn’t seem to notice y/n approach, except for the blonde who tried his hardest to hide the slap he gave to Jack’s thigh, but it was no use as Jack groaned and hunched over.

“You guys know what I can get started for ya?” she asked, pulling out the notepad from her apron.

Zach laughed, slapping his menu down onto the table cheekily, “I think Corbyn knows what he wants!” he cackled. She didn’t get it, didn’t catch onto his joke, though she did notice the glare Zach received from him before he faced you with a smile.

“I’ll just have pancakes,” he told you, “please.” The other four couldn’t help but snicker under their breaths, making Corbyn roll his eyes.

“Of course,” she smiled at him, trying to keep her cool. He handed back his menu, his big hand grazing hers while doing so, and his face turned yet a deeper shade of red, something she didn’t think was possible. The other’s orders were taken, mostly chicken strips, and she headed back into the kitchen.

“Thank you, y/n,” Daniel smiled as she walked away, earning a smile as she whisked herself away.

Before she could even hand him the ticket, the old man pointed his spatula at her, fierce and concerned.

“The blonde one, he likes you.” He smiled.

“First of all, which one?” she joked, as Daniel was still sporting his dyed hair, “second of all, that’s false. I’m just the waitress whose here to take their orders. They’re tired and delirious and are like that to everyone.” The old man rolled his eyes, taking the ticket from her hand to begin cooking as he continued to explain how she was wrong.

“I was your age once, was a young man myself. I know lust and young love when I see it, and the blonde with the big eyebrows has it for you,” the older man spoke, facing away, towards the grill. She peeked through the hole in the wall where dishes were served during the busy morning, to see four boys facing Corbyn, deep in conversation over something out of earshot. Suddenly, he looked up and their eyes met through the metal hardware, both freezing for a second before looking back down awkwardly.

He couldn’t be attracted to me? Right? She thought to herself as she waited for her coworker to wrap up the band’s late night dinner.  

She couldn’t help but admit Corbyn was her favorite, that he made her laugh with almost every word, every move he made from the comfort of her phone screen. Couldn’t help but be transfixed by his voice and the way he’d answer questions in interviews. Couldn’t help but adore his love for space and marvel at how truly smart he was, even when he made dumb decisions or said something that would maybe contradict that fact. So as they sat there in her lobby, she couldn’t comprehend the fact that maybe Corbyn thought she pretty. That when she came out from the back he couldn’t help but admire her.

“y/n? Are you good?” the cook waved a hand in front of her face, breaking her out of her thoughts as he pushed five plates across the table to her. She thanked him, loading them up on a tray and taking it out to them, where she noticed the moment she came into view they all directed their attention to either her or Corbyn.

I have to know, she thought to herself. As she handed each their food, receiving a ‘thank you’ from each of them, she decided to save Corbyn’s for last as she placed his plate in front of him.

“Thank you so much, these look great.” he told her, looking at her with the prettiest smile in the world. A smile so warm that it could melt the polar ice caps and in that moment y/n was convinced this boy was the cause for climate change.

She placed a hand on his back, taking him by surprise as his eyes widened a bit. Like when a little kid gets caught doing something bad, or when the lights turn on when trying to sneak back in after curfew. His band mates couldn’t help but lose it, tears falling out of Jonah’s eyes as he was laughing so hard, and she didn’t understand what was so funny, didn’t know that the intense conversation they were having was a pep talk for Corbyn as he was so intimidated by her.

“No problem, just let me know if there’s anything else I can get for you guys.” She smiled, looking at Corbyn who was now more red than imaginable while the boys continued to laugh.

“Oh,” Zach started, “I think Corbyn needs to get-” but he was cut off.

“NO!,” Corbyn yelled, “I don’t need anything else, I am perfectly fine, thank you y/n,” he said quickly, and if looks could kill, there would only be four members of Why Don’t We after that night.

The boys ate while she stood there talking to the cook, taking their time as Jack tried to stay awake from their busy day.

“You should tell them you’re a big fan, ask for a picture,” the old man suggested after she had explained to him who they were.

“I don’t know,” she teetered, “I don’t wanna seem like one of those weird fans. Meeting them tonight was enough for me.”

“I think you’ll regret it,” he shrugged.

“Whatever, I’ll figure it out,” she told him, ringing up their check.

Walking out with a check in hand, she grabbed all their plates while Zach and Jack napped on each other and Daniel and Jonah continued to harass Corbyn.

“Do I just pay here?” Jonah asked you.

“Actually you can just bring it up to the front when you guys are ready and you can pay there,” she told them, pointing to the front door where a case of homemade pastries were as well as the cash register. Suddenly, Daniel and Jonah eyed one another, silently scheming.

“Hey Jonah, I gotta use the bathroom real fast before we hit the road, you need to go too?” Daniel said standing up, Corbyn catching up onto what was happening, his face scrunched, concerned and worried for his own dignity.

“Yeah, me too. Corbyn could you pay for us and we’ll meet you outside?” Jonah smiled, shaking the other two awake and dragging them along, not giving Corbyn an option as he threw his debit card at him. He didn’t know what to say, could only stand there and plan how to murder each of them once they were back on the road.

It was silent as y/n lead him to the register where he handed her Jonah’s card, their hands brushing again. And Corbyn felt it, a surge of heat radiating through his body and he had never felt like that before. Especially with a stranger, someone he knew nothing about, only a name.

“I’m sorry about my friends,” he blurted, “they’re all idiots,” he shook his head with a small smile, because no matter how much he wanted to kill them, his love trumped he had for his brothers trumped his want to bury them all alive. 

y/n smiled, because she knew, knew all too well that they were in fact idiots but she loved each of them for it. And with a sudden boost of confidence, she decided to tell him that.

“It’s okay,” she laughed, “I’m actually a huge fan of you guys. I wanted to go to your show tonight but I had to work.” His eyes widened, a smile stretched across his face.

“Really?! You’re so chill I never would have known. I’m sorry you missed the show, but…. You can’t tell anyone but I think I can get you tickets to the one tomorrow” he winked, using the confidence she was radiating suddenly to build his own.

“Wait, what? Are you serious?” she asked, a smile encapsulating her face. And Corbyn was mesmerized by it, by her bright eyes and bubbly personality, even though it was almost three in the morning.

“Yeah for sure, on one condition,” he told her.

“Oh no, what is it?”

“You have to tell me who your favorite member of Why Don’t We is,” he chuckled, leaning against the pastry case, “and why.”

y/n groaned, her hands covering her face, “you’re kidding?”

“Nope,” Corbyn laughed, popping the ‘p’.

“Fine,” y/n said, putting her hands up in surrender, “but if you thought I was chill before you might reconsider,” she warned.

“Give me your best shot,” he laughed.

“Okay well unfortunately enough… you’re my favorite,” she blushed, “and I’m not really sure why. It’s like you don’t even have to try to be funny, but whenever I’m watching interviews or listening to you I can’t help but laugh. And your voice is incredible, well all of you are incredible, but you just sound so different and I love your tone.”

By then Corbyn was tomato, red from all the praise he was receiving, because he wasn’t expecting him to be her favorite. Was expecting Daniel or Zach, but he couldn’t help the butterflies he was feeling in his stomach, the way she made him feel, he was just so amazed by her. Amazed by her willingness to be so open, ability to sound so mature while basically fan-girling and he was entranced by everything about her.

Who is this girl? He thought to himself.

“And you’re just so kind and caring and the way you talk to your fans is just so lovely. And you’re so humble and down to Earth even though you have every right to be the most cocky piece of shit on the planet, but you’re not. You’re just one hundred percent you and I love it, I respect it and I love watching you guys grow as artists,” she said, using her hands to explain everything she was saying, “and now you probably think I’m some crazy fan,” she face palmed while he laughed.

“No actually, I don’t. Thank you, thank you so much, for everything you just said. It means so much and I’ve never heard anyone say any of those things,” he said with a smile, something he had been doing since the moment he walked in, “most fans don’t know what to say, or they’re super shallow about their responses. It was nice hearing something different for a change.” He said.

“Well, I’m happy I could be a change in that for you,” she nodded. The other four boys came out of the bathroom, smirking as they the tail end of the conversation.

“Guys! She’s a fan!” Corbyn pointed excitedly.

“Oh my gosh, really? But you were so cool? I didn’t think you knew us?” Daniel said with a grin. The five offered to take a picture with her, the cook coming out with a smile on his face as he held the phone in his hand to take it for them.

“Oh! Before I forget!” Corbyn rushed out to the tour bus and came back with envelope in his hand, giving it to her.

“They’re not front row, but they’re as close as we could get,” he told her, a smile on his face.

“Thank you so much, this means the world to me, you don’t understand!” she said, opening it up as he watched. She pulled out two lanyards and two ticket stubs.

“An extra one incase you wanted to bring a friend, and,” he paused, pointing to lanyards, “two backstage passes for ya.”

“You’re kidding? I can’t take these, it’s too much,” she said, trying to give them back, but Corbyn put his hands up.

“It’s no problem,” he said, beginning to get a bit nervous, “but I was wondering if maybe after the show tomorrow, you maybe wanted to possibly- uh- I don’t know… do something with me? Like a date?” he asked, scratching the back of his neck.

y/n blushed, “Yeah, I’d really like that.”

The four laughed as they grabbed Corbyn’s shoulder, informing them they had to hit the road.

He turned around, waving goodbye, a smile engulfing his face, “See you tomorrow y/n!”

“See ya tomorrow, have a safe trip!” she yelled, as she skipped back into the kitchen, still totally not believing what had just happened was real.

“I told you telling them would bring you something good,” the old man smiled.

And y/n had never been so grateful for any advice as she decided on what to wear for the date with Corbyn ahead of her.

Tag list: @kvd963 @katie-avery @coolkidcorbyn @technolilly@mycollectionofnuts @joyus-jack

@daniels-beanies @annabseavey

@deanismymom @lavienenchanel

[gilgamemesh]

I saw this dream AGES ago it’s just been sitting in my drafts because I was in a hurry back then, but I’m too lazy to edit and fix it so you’ll get this messy version instead. In today’s episode we get picturesque 80s movie views and surprise trans rep 

The dream was almost like a movie? It was about this guy who looked a lot like my OC Leon and he lived in this kinda idyllic country town and at the beginning everything was normal like he was having a good time messing around with his friends by the lake on a warm summer day

They were then talking about the future or something and where they'd go after the summer and the mc was like idk and all the other guys were like "dude you're so good at everything you can just go and do anything and succeed in it" and even though they were clearly friends you could tell they were like, a little jealous and upset about the fact he was so clearly gifted at a lot of stuff and was pretty good looking too? It felt very realistic somehow

Then as they were swimming this middle aged woman approached the boys and she got really creepy about the mc and basically she was Into Young Men and everyone was like holy shit mc swim out of here and fast before she does something creepy!!!!!  

But then things happened and she had some sort of cramping while in the water and the mc had to saver her and when she was safely on the land again and ominously told mc to "beware" and then she passed out. They called the ambulance and mc left before the others because he was naturally very rattled and uncomfortable and the others promised to handle the situation while he went back home. 

Back at home, there were two important looking adults waiting for mc, and who instantly led him to the kitchen where his father was

And then they were like "hey we want to make you part of our TV show you can be our host" but the way his father was looking at mc seemed so scared and alarmed the mc was like hm no thanks! But they kept pressuring him and even lowkey threatening

And then they were like "just write your name here all we need your signature" and the mc was like “my dudes no that's not how it works if I give you my signature totally out of context you could use it for any kind of forgery and I'm not about that” and his father looked  so proud of him when he said that lol. But the people just got angry but before they did anything to him physically the mc walked casually to the window bc "it's so dark and dusty in here" but in reality he opened the window fully and then jumped out and started running

He then ran into this large house nearby where his two uncles lived and it was like. Very dirty and like a maze and he figured he could hide in there but the men found out he was in there and tried to surround the house

The next thing was a montage but apparently it took pretty long but they couldn't catch him bc he was really good at climbing and would, like, attach ropes around the sides of the building and use them to swing from one room to another. He could have died but yknow, dream movie logic.

During the early morning hours he was exhausted as hell but so were the others and he was like yeah this is my chance to escape and he got out of the place and started running on the forest road to the nearest bus stop but one of the goons spotted him and went after him

And like the goon could have caught him? But he saw how tired and desperate the mc was and he really didn't want to actually hurt him so when they were away from the proximity of the building the goon was like "go, I'm not gonna hurt you but you need to go!!!" and mc took his uncles moped and drove to the bus stop where a bunch of other people around his age were waiting for the bus too and that's also where the moped ran out of fuel? And he was about to pass out but some others came to him and decided to help him out bc he looked so exhausted

When he got in the bus there was a pov shift to the bad guys who were using an old computer and reading mc’s personal details? And the dream just decided to info drop me REALLY sneakily about the fact he was trans by showing the info on the computer screen very stealthily by like.... camera being pointed just enough to see his deadname. nobody used it or anything though and he was never misgendered, the info was just there? Dreams of this type aren't supposed to infodump me in a way it comes as a surprise at least to me? Like I usually instinctively know everything about the mc at least but this time I didn't and that's what got me so good about this

The rest is blurry but basically he was now on the run and other young people started joining him? Until he had a group of followers who would spray paint stuff? And like create disturbance to distract the people chasing mc?

The dream ended in this weird ceremony kind of thing where they were all outside at night as a huge crowd and he had to climb up this old water tower with some sort of nails sticking out of the ladder as a "keep out" type of way idk and when he made it up he had to spray something on the side of the water tower that was like?? Some phrase the huge crowd had started to use as their resistance campaign code and when he did that everyone was cheering and it was visually mesmerising bc the paint was glowing in the dark and everyone had lighters they held up and they were chanting mcs name I WISH I HAD KNOWN MORE ABOUT THE MORE HERE BC IT WAS LIKE WATCHING A MOVIE I got attached and now i can't even remember the mc guy's name :/

I'm like "his name was Jack" but it wasn't it was something similar but it wasn't that one. Now he's just Leon 2 to me

[iwannafuckyexiu]

A TEASE A DAY BRINGS YOU CLOSER TO YOUR DEATH  007

SPECIAL CHAPTER  001

BEACH FUN WEEKEND 001/? despite being called beach fun weekend, unfortunately, there is no beach involved in this chapter.

"Heyyy, you guys wanna like go to the beach on the weekends?" Denki mentions out of nowhere during the morning tutor time (in which is just free time because Aizawa has nothing to announce), he leans forward onto the desk they were mostly around.

Several classmates perk up at the idea, and seeing that some are interested, Denki continues with a little more enthusiasm, eyes twinkling in the artificial light as he does, "Like we go there on Friday and stay three days and two nights."

"But don't we have school on Friday?" the cool girl with a head jack asks, one brow cocked at Denki's suggestion as she bops to her Spotify playlist and reclines against a desk close by.

"It's our national day on Friday so it's a public holiday! And what are you supposed to do on a public holiday?"

"Go out and have fun! "

"Stay home and rot! "

Uraraka's upbeat and eager voice clashes with Denki's lower one as both of them answer the latter's previous question. The two spin their heads to each other's direction.

"........."

"........o.o"

Uraraka breaks the ice first and dismisses it off with an embarrassed giggle as she rubs the back of her ear awkwardly while the rest of the class burst out into hoots of laughter at her choice of words.

"Ahahaahah sorry, sorry," Uraraka briefly apologises to Denki (who's pretty much turned his attention back to the beach trip again) as she tucks her head down slightly in bashfulness.

As Denki's very good bro, Kirishima instantly livens up to support his friend's plans, he lifts an avid arm up, "I wanna go to the trip!"

The rest of the class get fueled up by his attitude and joined the beach fun squad one after another. However, this boost is fractured when a dampened remark is tossed in the middle of the conversation, and the excitement between the students subsides with the sound.

"Why go there? The beach is so boring."

This comes from no other than Y/N, who's sat on a random chair with his slender legs extended out broadly, lips wide apart from yawning. He tips his neck back in boredom as he looks at them through his hooded eyes.

"We get to see the girls in bikinis if they go," Denki attempts to convince Y/N, speaking into his ear in a low whisper (which is loud enough pretty much everyone to hear) — the heated steam that prods against his ear stunts him for a second, inducing a red ear, but Y/N composes himself to a better position hastily.

The girls' faces mangle at the outright persuasion from Denki, some flaring into a shy coral flush, some into twisted features of disdain, and others just casual.

"... this is a bit hard to decide," Y/N says, feigning hesitation as he rubs the tip of his chin with two fingers (as if his eyes didn't light up when Denki said bikinis) before a sly, rascally grin takes over his eyes, "...... but I think I'm in!"

After that, gradually one by one, the students begin yelling out their decisions, which cause the classroom to be instantly filled with din. But on the other hand with Y/N, he sidles towards the back where the half and half boy is during the clamour and fluidly makes himself comfortable on Shouto's desk.

"Aye Shouto, you gonna come?" Y/N says in a higher voice into Shouto's ear. Not a flinch nor recoil is countered by the latter, he only rotates his head towards Y/N's direction without any passion in his mismatch irises.

"No."

"Awh why?"

"Don't want to."

"... I heard the girls might go in bikinis, so are you sure you don't want to?" casting out a suggestive offer to Shouto, Y/N writhes his brows in a provocative way, a roguish grin by his florid lips.

"No."

"I'll ... get you some snacks and candies?"

Shouto: "......" Damnit.

"... Fine."

——speaking of snacks, candies and Shouto, it's just something that Y/N found out by accident or maybe not really.

One day after school, Y/N was just strolling down the streets with Shouto (aka just walking beside Shouto until he has to go to his part-time). He rambled about random things that occurred recently and peculiar happenings he saw on the internet when he realised Shouto's sight shifted from the front to the shop they just passed by — which was Sweetu Sweetu, a branch of the popular chain store that sells one of the best desserts and snacks in Musutafu.

To Y/N it seems that for once, Shouto's features weren't distant as always, his eyes were blinking with a moment of daze; as if a child's. It seems that the ice that had been screening off his expressions from the outside world had melted, but didn't take long before his gaze returned to his regular frigid filter.

A mini smile formed on Y/N face as he observed Shouto.

"Aye Shouto."

Albeit no vocal response was given, Shouto twisted his head over to Y/N's direction.

"Can you go inside the candy shop with me? I want to buy some snacks for my little sister," Y/N questioned him, one hand tugging at Shouto's uniform sleeve and the other forefinger gesturing at the store.

"Oh."

Shouto allowed Y/N to lug him into the store as he kept silent. Though when they entered the shop, his attention wasn't on the wonders within but on the lean, firm fingers that encircled his wrist.

It felt as if the pleasant sun rays strewing across his bare skin during winter. Shouto wouldn't deny that he was to the least disappointed when Y/N released his grip on his wrist but for the first time, the grin on Y/N's features that he always found irritating seemed ... a little warm.

"Never thought you would follow me into these shops haha!"

Shouto: "......." He took back the scary thought he had just a bit ago.

But an invisible string tugged at the corner of Shouto's lips, but Y/N's back was to him or not the boy would have definitely poked fun at him.

Though, Y/N did hear a hum from Shouto, seeming to be in a higher pitch than usual. He let out a subdued chuckle before continuing to pick out some sweets for S/N.

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

[ YAYAYAY WE'RE GOING TO THE BEACH!!! ]

23:11

kaminari denki added uraraka ochako, l/n y/n, bakugou katsuki, yaoyorozu momo, jirou kyouka, midoriya izuku, kirishima eijirou, hagakure tooru, mina ashido, iida tenya, asui tsuyu, mineta minoru, sero hanta

BAKUGOU KATSUKI: what the fuck is this

BAKUGOU KATSUKI: im leaving

bakugou katsuki left kaminari denki added bakugou katsuki

KAMINARI DENKI: aiiii dont leave me so quickly man

L/N Y/N: hok on i just wok from my nsp

L/N Y/N: wahys gojng on

HAGAKURE TOORU: yeah whats this

HAGAKURE TOORU: is it a gc for our plans on the weekends or smth

KAMINARI DENKI: bingo

KAMINARI DENKI: so basically we re gonna meet at bakugous house on friday at like 7

KAMINARI DENKI: then the bus will pick us up there and we ll be goin to the beach!

URARAKA OCHAKO: great!

URARAKA OCHAKO: luckily theres a public holiday on friday so we can play longer ahhahahaha

BAKUGOU KATSUKI: hold on thats not great

BAKUGOU KATSUKI: why r we meeting by my house and how do u know where my hosue is

KAMNARI DENKI: bcs your house is closest to the skl of course and

KAMINARI DENKI: i know everyones house :)))

L/N Y/N: spooky

BAKUGOU KATSUKI: i refuse to let u all near my house

BAKUGOU KATSUKI: go to kaminaris house or just meet at skl

L/N Y/N: nah

ASUI TSUYU: why are we meeting so early

KAMINARI DENKI: of course so we can have more time to have fun when we get to the beach!

ASUI TSUYU: oh good point

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

On the actual day of the trip, a group of teens in all kinds of attire gather just below where Katsuki's apartment is, going on rambles between themselves by the time they planned to meet at.

Peeking around and counting up the number of people, Y/N cambers his head at the absence of a certain mustard boy. He hoists his fingers up to knead at his jaw and questions Kirishima beside him, "Hold up, where's Denki?"

"Yeah, wasn't he the one who organised this so shouldn't he be here?"

"Oh, he told me to tell you guys he's grounded," Kirishima announces to the rest of the class (in which most of them have questions marks hovering over them) as he scratches his nape apologetically.

"And that bastard just expects us to go have fun without him?"

"Yes."

Despite Denki's truancy, the class still board the bus already loitering by the side of the road near them. The bus is one that has two columns of seats on one side and another column on the other side of the walkway, befitting for the small class.

"Tell the bus driver to stop at XXX XXX XXX later," Y/N says to Kirishima before stepping onto the stairs to the bus.

"Oh oh oh! Are we going to get Kaminari?" Tooru, who Y/N chooses to sit beside blurts out while he perches on the seat just beside her at the third row, bobbing up and down in an excited manner.

"Yep."

And the bus drives off onto the road, towards where Denki's house is.

The bus arrives around Denki's house twenty minutes later, in a neighbourhood of modern houses.

"Okay, how are we going to do this?" Y/N questions the bus as he stands up from his seat near the front, resting an arm on the back of a chair.

"Why not ... L/N you go up to his bedroom window and bring him down?" Kirishima suggests while he hoists an arm up.

"Huh? Why me?"

"Your quirk, duh," Katsuki's vexed voice inserts himself in (Y/N can almost imagine the eye roll he's doing at the same time).

"Oh okay then."

The bus parked just some distance from Denki's house, Y/N goes down and slithers towards the side of his house where Kirishima estimated Denki's room should be.

With the support of his quirk, Y/N effortlessly vaults up the wall surrounding Denki's house and lunges onto the window ledge (that is wide enough for Y/N to sit on to his luck). The window is sealed shut, though the curtains are tied to the sides and open.

From that view, Y/N can just see Denki laying on his side on top of his bed, his head bouncing to some music as he scrolls through his phone, back to the window. Knocking on the glass, Y/N attempts to get the mustard boy's attention, which he obviously doesn't get.

"Fuck, he has airpods in," grousing under his breath, Y/N fumbles around his pockets for his phone. He taps open Denki's contacts as he rings him up, Denki inside the room also receiving the call at the same time.

"Oh hey, Y/N. Sorry about not being able to come but—"

Y/N cuts him off while he stares at Denki's figure in the room, "Just shut up and open the window."

The mustard boy instantly twists his head to the window where Y/N is, eyes wide and taken aback that Y/N is just sitting there. Hurrying over to the window, Denki gropes around for the lever of the window, his fingers scrambling around hastily.

As soon as the window cracks open, Y/N hops into Denki's room and sprawls out on his bed (Y/N should mention that it is very fluffy). "Finally," he exhales.

"What are you doing here?" Denki asks, seating himself beside Y/N on the bed, he lays a hand on Y/N's knee and drums his fingers gently on the bone.

"To get you of course," Y/N blurts out with a flirt as he rises upright and clasps a digit under Denki's chin to tip it up towards him, lighting up with a smile brimmed with teasing malice.

"And doesn't it feel like those plots where the guy sneaks the girl out of her house in those American shows?"

"Hahhaahah who's the guy and who's the girl here then?"

"I'm the guy, of course, look at the position we're in." Y/N arcs his brow with a challenging grin to Denki, chin toppling upwards.

Chuckling lightly before poking out a tongue to lick his lips, Denki turns over his gaze from Y/N's exposed neck and jutting collarbones. "Sure," he remarks as he keeps his irises away from Y/N's neck.

Y/N gives a brief laugh at the tone in that 'Sure' before recoiling up from the bed, looking down at Denki while he says and holds a hand out, "Anyways, let's go."

"I can't." Denki's head sags down, he purses his lips into a pout and drops his hand from the boy's knee.

"Why not?"

"My parents."

"Hmm ..." Y/N rubs a finger over his mouth, pondering before coming up with an idea, "Then ... I'll sneak you out first then ask Iida to talk to your parents and convince them?"

"And even if they don't get persuaded you're already on the bus anyways," in a low volume, Y/N adds as he veils the top of his lip with a hand.

"But like—"

Denki is interrupted by the grating of his bedroom door, a woman peeks inside to call him when she realises the surprise visitor in his room, "Ki-chan, come ea—who are you?"

"Pffft Ki-chan ..." Y/N puffs out into a short snigger at the pet name, obviously forgetting the new person in the room (his future mother in law), but he eventually looks up and halts his silliness as he realises his inappropriate behaviour.

Standing up to his feet and shuffling bashfully towards Denki's mother, he greets his future mother in law with a brittle ninety-degree bow. "A-Ah, hi ma'am. I'm your son's best friend and I'm just well ... uh ..." he delays slightly while his brain goes shortcut at thinking of a valid excuse.

Y/N sucks in a ball of air before pressing his lips together in a restless manner, he confesses to his future mother in law truthfully, "I'm trying to sneak him out." Observing the woman's features, he waits for her reply with a tauten jowl.

"In no way will I—"

"I swear we'll bring him back in pieces—I mean in whole! "

Y/N builds on again before his future mother in law can even respond to his swear, he sticks up three fingers, "And I'll stick with him throughout the whole thing to make sure he's safe!"

"......"

"... please? "

"Do you really want to go, Ki-chan?" Denki's mother twists to her son to question, who nods his head vigorously in turn. She heaves a heavy sigh and finally loosens up her proctective urges, "... alright then go, quickly before your father realises you're gone and I'll deal with him."

Before the woman realises, a blur of mustard frizz pounces onto her into a tight bear hug. It takes a while for her to snap out of her stunted state, she shakes her head and simpers at her son's child-like antics.

"Thanks, okaa-san!" Denki's smothered voice can barely be heard by Y/N as the boy buries his face on his mother's thin shoulder.

"Thank you, ma'am!" Y/N bows formally towards the elder woman with a polite, genuine smile hanging off his lips while Denki withdrew from his mother's embrace.

"We'll have fun!" Y/N says and waves an arm to the woman as he tucks an arm around Denki's waist, leaning himself by the side of the window.

Albeit Y/N had to talk Denki's mother into letting him take Denki out by the window, explaining that his quirk can definitely keep them safe (in which took a long time), the two meet the rest of the group on the bus parked nearby.

"Never thought I'd meet your mother so soon, Ki-chan," Y/N lays an arm around Denki in close fashion as he emphasises on the nickname at the end of his sentence with a hint of fun. Denki, in turn, mumbles a 'shut up' before rotating his head to the side, shifting his gaze.

"Let's go now, it's already eight!" Denki ushers the driver before sitting himself down on a seat just beside Kirishima by the front, a big grin lit up on his features by now.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY:

thanks for reading this chapter! i apologise for the really slow updates but it will continue for quite some time so i'm sorry if it's too slow.

but uh to add some fun i just want to write a special arc, the beach fun weekend to loosen up things for me before i continue with the main storyline and follow my outline

I'LL CORRECT SHIT WHEN I'M FINISHED

[nacsygen]

i mean, if there's anywhere to suffer about gender, why not tumblr, amirite?

i've known for like at least five years now i'm...not cis.  i've never been able to properly explain it, to myself or to others, but the fact that it sticks around so long tells me that, like and as unlike as my brain has tried to tell me many times before about being bi ("not gay enough") and mentally ill ("not mentally ill enough") like yeah, this is clearly a part of my identity, not just a phase or me, idk, trying to be cool or fit in among all the cool non-cis people i know, i guess???

i think what confuses me is that i don't really have much dysphoria about my physical form, really.  not in my own sense of it.  not without the input of other people.  i'm a very small person and this has informed a lot of my life, yes.  i am well below average height and have never been possessed of strength or grip to speak of (i'm the sheepish one who has to ask the girl working at the pizza place, after five minutes of trying at a booth, to open my bottle of water because my hands are just too small to have a proper adult grip).  but my body is my own, and i've long since learned to live with it, and be comfortable in it.  i got no complaints.

but then, people comment without any sort of prompting on aspects of my physicality, strangers, in public, all the time - whether it's the older lady at the bus stop asking how old i am and what i do to diet because i'm Just So Small! (ma'am, this is just how i am - no, i don't diet - if i stood up you could see my gut - being southern and polite is alas also a large part of my identity -), or the threateningly verbally abusive loud misogynist at the bus stop yelling at my turned back about my "skinny ass white girl legs! get some sun, bitch!", or just today, an older cracker (here in florida that is a descriptor of a culture, not a "slur") who i've ridden the same bus with many times with he and his lady friend, coming up to me while i'm standing waiting (again) for the bus and said "hello ma'am, i was just wondering, are you from The North? where are you from?" and i looked up from my book, bc again southern politeness, and said "nah, i'm from here" and pointed at the ground.  "you're really not From The North?  i'm sorry, i don't mean to be impolite, it's just because of your legs.  they're so skinny and pale, we thought you was From The North." "No sir, I'm from right here in Florida. I just don't tan easy." "well, that was a bet I had going with that girl over there that I just lost." "yeah, sorry, sir, I'm southern born and raised." we ended up on the same bus when it got there, and as i was getting ready to disembark he said "you have a good night there, sweetie! enjoy your book!" "oh, i will." realizing the awkwardness as the bus slowly got to a stop, "sorry, i'm nice, it's all i know how to be." "alright, well, you have a good one!" (i'm pretty sure that last that i didn't even think about said more about how Southern i am than anything else i could have said.)

i know that last was a tangent, but that's the thing - i don't even think about my body as Representing Femininity until other people treat me in a different way because of it.  it happens over and over, all the time, and it's the primary cause of what i've come to recognize as dysphoria.  if i was a boy, if my hair was tucked up in my hat and my chest flattened, would these and many others over the years feel free to comment so freely about my body to me?  i really don't think so.  and that shit sucks.

to me, my body is not a Female Body, despite its resemblance to the Traditional Female Body in its curves and shapes - it is not a Female Body, it is My Body.  my breasts are not female breasts, they are my thiddies and i'm really fond of how they look and like to show them off. like, artistically, they are a gift to the world. my long wavy curls are not Female Hair, they're Rockstar Hair, Fuck You, like i grew up with the old-school and grunge male rockstars i always saw as style icons (and the female rock stars too - huge long hair is a great look for everyone!).  idk if it's because i'm really Just That Pansexual that i can look at my societally-hyper-feminized form - extremely petit,  pale, significant boobs but no ass, skinny arms and legs - and say, you know, that could be a cute guy, right there.  

i've more recently in the past few years experimented now and then more towards as gender-neutral a presentation as i can, even though that just means people see me at a distance and think i'm a pre-teen boy. and yet, people treat pre-teen boys much better than they do almost-30 petit women, is the depressing lesson i've learned from that.  

I hate how much of my questioning of my gender identity is tied into negative experiences with other people and their relationships as strangers to my perceived femaleness.  like, i live in a pretty nice neighborhood now, but i hate going to the local gas station bc the block around it is just...holla bingo time.  last time i walked there by myself i wore knee-length loose shorts and an oversized men's plain t-shirt to go with my walking nikes and baseball cap, and i STILL got hollered at.  "hey, sweetheart! you need help carrying that? hey! hey, young lady!" i did not turn - i hate acknowledging men who holler.  "hey, baby, let me give you a ride to wherever you're goin! no one's gonna bother you!" i wanted to yell back "YOU. YOU'RE BOTHERING ME." but then, he was being significantly more polite than many of the people who've hollered at me over the years, so no point in engaging and hurting anybody's feelings or enduring the "i was just trying to be nice" conversation.

and that's the thing, like. i never feel bad about being percieved as female unless people are doing it in a hurtful way. matter of fact, i have no particular relationship to being female except in hurtful ways from other peoples' perceptions.  my body is genderless, as i am genderless, and it is my body. it does what it's supposed to do and has treated me well for how i've treated it over the years. i'm not mad at my body about it. i'm mad at the people who think my form gives them a right to treat me in unacceptable ways for what should be a polite society.  i get dysphoria from the man yelling from a work truck passing by when i'm just trying to get home from my work, "HEEEEY, LIL MAMA~!" I get dysphoria from being wished "happy mother's day!", or did back in 2014, when on break at work, and a significantly older lesbian gestured at me and said to the man in question, " does she LOOK like a mother to you??"

like listen, i like wearing cute little sundresses, or skin-tight tank tops and short-shorts.  you know why? because i live in florida and it's FUCKING HOT.  they are comfortable.  they are easy.  they are simple choices, that i am allowed to make because i am afab and present femme, and i like the way they look on me and like that i'm allowed this comfort in the heat.

i hate that wearing that for my own comfort gives people a seeming license to comment freely on my body.  i hate that presenting as a woman, a "woman", means people treat me this way.  i hate the bus driver that always says "hello there, little lady" when i board his bus, and i hate that he means well by it. i hate that even when i dress in my loose, masculine, don't-get-hollered-at clothes, i still get hollered at. and i find myself wondering, if i had short hair and no boobs, if i was just a 4'11" young teenage boy, would i get hollered at like this? and no. of course not.

but i don't want my gender identity to be the opposition of a negative in favor of a positive. this has gone into a series about street harrassment when in reality there are many reasons i identify more as male or non-female than because of this. i really don't feel much reason to identify as female other than solidarity with female victims of gendered and sexualized violence. which, alright, that's probably not the most positive way to feel. or reproductive health stuff.  alright, that's just the body i was born with, and i don't feel much connection to it otherwise.  i don't want to medically transition, i don't want to change my body, but like...

i don't really know what dysphoria actually is. is it the feeling of displacement in one's own home of self? is it feeling like everything about how everyone else views you is somehow shifted two wrong lenses over at the optometrist's office? is it just feeling like something...something's really wrong here? if so, i think i’m definitely experiencing dysphoria,.

hey, i'm maria/aril, and i'm trans.  i don't know how, exactly, but i am. and here we are.

[0225pm]

hello!

ok idk if i should actually like create a separate blog for personal posts since this blog is mainly for han’s viewing pleasure but then again, its such a hassle to keep up with another blog so i thought ah wtheck, i’m just post everything here la hahaha whenever i feel like writing something. 

so yesterday, i didn’t have much plans for the day so i was basically free the whole friday. dayah at the last minute asked me out to accompany her collect some speaker thing for one of her event jobs for the upcoming month and since i have nothing to do at home and would much rather be out walking and burning calories (i’ll talk about this part later) i thought, ok sure why not.

so i took a quick shower, got dressed and did some light makeup. yes, your girl still isn’t confident enough to go anywhere far without at least putting on some foundation to cover them nasty scars haha but ok so i prepped and shit and met her at the bus stop. we were gonna head to aljunied and she suggested taking the bus to bedok so i said are you sure? cus i think it’s much nearer if we take towards eunos. but since the bus was already right in front of us we ended up just boarding it to bedok anyway.

so upon reaching bedok mrt station, i looked at the map and pointed out to her that it was really much nearer if we actually took the train from eunos (it was about 2 stops if i’m not wrong) but ah well, the rice has become porridge HAHAHHAAH. ok then we went to aljunied, and towards this ulu office area. i’ve actually been there with her before once, so this was my 2nd time and i guess i’m quite familiar with the area already la hahaha. i never follow blindly ok. 

i had to wait for quite some for her to be done cus the person was explaining something to her. it was kinda awkward standing there but the people going in and out of the tiny office space didn’t really seem to mind so that was good, i guess. i was also perspiring a little in the office wtf. it didn’t even feel like there was any aircon at all. but i wasn’t complaining about it la cus if i were to wait and stand outside it’s gonna be even hotter. the weather is really shitty wtf.

initially the plan was collect speaker > go see doctor > she goes to the bazaar with her classmates while i go home. cus like i said, i just wanted to get out of the house and walk so i was fine with going home early since i at least already get to walk a bit for the day. but unfortunately, the doctor didn’t have an afternoon session for fridays so she ended up cancelling on her class outing and then she suggested ok why not we go to the bazaar after seeing the doctor? so i said sure i’m cool. cus i haven’t been to the bazaar yet and since it was past the break fast timing, i thought ah pretty sure it’s not gonna be that crowded la hahahahaha (i was wrong lmao)

it was so fucking crowded but tbh, wasn’t as bad as last year. and i tried to be at peace with myself cus apparently when you’re peaceful you won’t really feel the heat but lol it was hard trying to brainwash yourself especially while standing in front of strong lighting that’s emitting heat haha but ok la both of us survived the heat and i didn’t complained a lot about perspiring so yay achievement? :-) 

before we left, we got the bucket of meatballs and fries to share and then she went to get some keropok lekor for her family. i also bought like 2 sticks of cheese hotdogs along the way home.

oh and as i was saying, i’m burning calories cus i’m trying to lose some weight. in fact, i’m on some sort of stupid irregular diet regimen right now. i say irregular cus i don’t stick to the right timings to eat lmao hahaha. also the main reason why i’m on this stupid unhealthy way of dieting is because i need to lose as much weight and physical body fat as much as possible within 2 weeks to fit into my dress. i bought a dress off asos and i thought ah, i think i’m a uk14. i usually wear uk14-16 for clothing on asos and i thought to myself i think this dress will definitely be able to fit me just fine since it looks loose fitting but lol my package arrived and i tried on the dress but i couldn’t zip it up 100% lmao it was too tight and i think the moment i sit down it’ll probably burst or something sigh. i have such a broad back :( i think it’s mainly bc the dress isn’t made of the usual jersey material that’s slight stretchable so i overestimated my own size lmao hahahah anyway it sucks to be me right now cus i’m trying not to consume too much carbs. tbh, i’m trying to stick to a 700-800 calories diet per day which is like one meal per day? but it’s really unhealthy and i don’t want to go back to the old me eating sweet potatoes for a week to the point where i felt really weak and lethargic. my skin was yellow and pale and i look so sickly wtf. my hair was also falling out more than usual. and i really really really don’t wanna go back on that route so i’m trying out this stupid diet i found that apparently IU did for 3 days. except mine is gonna have to last for 2 weeks which is why i tweak the food she consumed a little.

she has an apple for breakfast, 1 sweet potato for lunch and 1 protein shake for dinner.

but since i’m not gonna be doing this for only 3 days i cannot go into starvation mode so quickly or else my body is gonna go crazy (been there done that - rmbr the sweet potato diet? hahaha i did lose like 2 inches off my waist though doing that diet).

so what i do is:

i still have 1 apple per day. lunch or the “main” meal of the day will be something that has some carbs but not rice or noodles to sub the sweet potato (my sweet potatoes has gone rotten and i haven’t went out to buy any new ones). if i really want rice or noodles or bread, max is 2 mouthfuls. dinner would be protein milk+whey or chocolate soymilk to make up for the lack of glucose (yes hahha i need some glucose to sustain me)

if not then i’ll switch them up, like maybe protein based food for lunch like chicken and fish and then dinner would be soymilk.

basically limiting my intake of sugar and carbs la hahahaha fuck its only the 2nd day and i want to die.