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seireitonin · 3 days ago

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Introducing my Creepypasta OC :3

She’s been on my mind for about 2 years! I just never talked about her bc I didn’t know where to start! Also I didn’t have anyone to draw her so I didn’t know how to properly introduce her! I was not about to use AI art😭 so I had to use an avatar app to give people an idea on how she looks! So it might be a bit inconsistent but I’ll explain it as best as I can! Anyway onto the fun yapping

Welcome to the Creepypasta Fabdom: Sebastia!!!!

Name: Sebastia

Age: 27

Race: Black

Sexual orientation: Bisexual

Gender: female

Height: 5’6

Eye color: brown(normal form) red(monster form)

Hair color: black (although she does enjoy adding different colored highlights)

Hair length: 26 inches, straightened has emo hair fringe going to the left

Her arms and legs are permanently black but the black stops at her knees and elbows and fades into her normal dark brown skin color.

Wears her normal emo fashion, she wants to pretend to be normal as much as possible

She kept her piercings, snake bites with spikes, a septum ring with spikes instead of balls, small spiked nostril piercings on each nostril

What’s she like? How’d she get this way?

She has an extremely anxious personality and a distrust of men

A man she met and was head over heels for betrayed her and took her to a lab as a test subject

She was so in love with him, she ignored all the red flags that came with him

All she cared about was him, putting her own safety to the side to be with him

He manipulated her into being part of something called the “God project”

Where she was tested on to be “made in gods image”

Whatever her captors thought “god” looked like they tried to turn her into

The pseudo scientists made something call “miracle cells” because they thought they were doing “gods work”

She was injected with those daily, causing a painful transformation

An ex-ray of her body shows that’s the “miracle cells” formed a new life inside her body and is embedded in her

The cells built themselves up in her body, taking the form of multiple mouths, that burst out of her scalp when threatened, causing her to loose a lot of blood, causing it look leak down her face. Every single time.

It’s painful every time she needs to fight

The cells are now a sentient being in her that she’s stuck with. It talks to her and protects her.

But it will say and do anything to keep Sebastia/ itself safe. Even if it has to manipulate her or lie to her. So sometimes it’s hard for her to think for herself or clearly

The form where the being forces itself out of her scalp is dubbed her “miracle form”

It also makes her eyes turn red, and forces sharp teeth to grow out of her cheeks along with 2 extra mouths on each side of her face. The teeth in her mouth are also sharp and her tongue turns grey. All while bleeding heavily from the head

When Sebastia speaks in this form it’s like multiple voices speaking along side her own

Since the being is made of “miracle cells” she’s called the being inside her Miracle

Sebastia doesn’t know exactly what Miracle is she killed all her captors brutally before she could find answers

She didn’t want to be turned any farther

Miracle told her to do it so she wouldn’t find out what it really is. So no one knows what Miracle truly is or why it’s choosing to help Sebastia.

It’s it a demon? A recreation of one? A recreation of god? Who knows?

Sebastia has no idea what Miracle is supposed to look like she can only guess through the changes in her own physical appearance such as the teeth and eyes and the black tendril like mouths but other than that she has no idea

No one does

Sebastia was kept in that lab for 6 months

But she didn’t want to go back to her normal life

Not like this

So she roamed in the forest, surviving off the food in abandoned campsites and cabins and sleeping there too

She one day hopes to go back to her normal life but she’s not sure if she ever can

What the tests and “scientists” did to her causes her pain and torment every day, especially because she had no one but Miracle itself to talk to and that’s a literal sentient piece of her trauma

Her autonomy is gone and she doesn’t fully recognize herself

So she clings to things she loved when she was normal

Such as emo fashion, video games, music, makeup etc

But it brings back memories of her friends, family and normal life so it’s painful for her

She has nightmares about being back in the lab

She hates herself for letting herself be manipulated by a man she loved and feels stupid for trusting him

Kinda blames herself for all of this

How does Sebastia fight?

Sebastia hates fighting and will only do it if she thinks it’s necessary. Mainly because she wants to be as normal as possible and because it’s a painful transformation to go through when the tendril like mouths burst out of her scalp

The “ tounges” of the mouths are pieces on her brain so it’s even harder for her to think clearly when her mind is literally being scrambled

When not fighting her brain is normal for the most part. Like all the pieces are in place

Miracle fights for/ with her by wrapping around people and squeezing them to death, biting/ eating people, holding people by their arms or legs so Sebastia can hurt them with any weapon she has on hand, slamming its tendrils into people sending them flying, hitting people multiple times by becoming smaller and sometimes just straight up throwing people

Miracle also defends her by blocking attacks and shielding Sebastia. It can’t be hurt by normal weapons but Sebastias body can.

So it blocks and defends her. Last resort it’ll retreat back inside her and act as a shield from inside of her so she can’t be pierced through completely. Only her skin.

If Sebastia is hurt, Miracle will heal her by using its mouths to keep the wound closed and heal over itself

Like weird stitches almost

But it’s really painful for Sebastia

Miracle can lift Sebastia high into the air by opening its mouths from her head putting its self to the ground and stretching upwards

Sebastia can move around like this too so sometimes she doesn’t even have to use her own legs

If she has a gun or a ranged weapon shell shoot at people from above

She loves guns especially if she customizes them to go with her outfits

But she also uses a scythe when shes melee fighting

The scythe comes apart to be a whip too(she’s had nothing but time to work on these things and she’s paranoid that people might be looking for her too)

There are no limits to how many mouths can come out of her head

When the mouths are out of her head her long black hair gets soaked with blood, so she constantly has to wash it and she hates it

The more control Sebastia gives Miracle, the more her appearance changes

If she gives more control her eyes go white to match Miracles instead of the normal red when she’s mostly in control

The mouths of Miracle can also grow and shrink depending on the situation example:

Another form she has is when she lets Miracle have complete control but that’s a last resort. She doesn’t fully know if she can come back from it

Her skin turns all black the she grows mouths on her physical body too, not just coming out of her head

She also can’t think for herself at all as miracle will just control her

So she refuses to go into that form even though it’s her strongest one

Relationships with the other Creepypastas?

Doesn’t trust men so she doesn’t like any of the men at first and won’t even let them touch her or be alone in a room with them

Sebastia is sweet and doesn’t want to hate anyone but she feels as if she has no choice and it’s the only way to keep herself safe

She’s also really jumpy and anxious

But when she’s calm around you she’s goofy and kind. It’s not her goal to be mean even if she feels like she has to come off that way

Toby- she really doesn’t like him at first and even tries to kill him (mainly because Miracle manipulated her into thinking he was trying to kill her when they first met) but after months and months she understands that not trying to hurt her even though Toby’s kinda mean. Sebastia learns that he loves his mother and sister and is kinder to women so she starts to trust him they even start hanging out one on one which is a huge step for her. Toby’s odd, rude and cruel humor mixes weirdly well with her goofiness since she likes to laugh. So Toby tries his best to make her laugh with stupid stuff. It inflates his ego. Maybe one day she’ll be able to give Toby a hug. (She’s in love with him but is still scared to be touched by men. Also embarrassed to like a man at all. Also the whole monster inside her thing makes it hard to have a relationship with anyone)

Eyeless Jack: they actually get along really well! You know with the whole “monster inside you and now your normal life is ruined and taken from you” Sebastia is always trying to find a way to be normal again and is always asking for EJs help since she relates to him. But it’s hard since she doesn’t want to be touched yet and he can’t really run tests on her or even do checkups. Sebastia hopes that soon she’ll let herself be touched so they can figure out if either of them can be semi normal again. He’s one of the few men Sebastia actually trusts. He has calm energy ironically.

Jane: Sebastia loves Jane. And I mean LOVES. She basically was head over heels for Jane the first time she saw her. Also the first point of physical skin on skin contact she’s had in months. Jane was one of the first people Sebastia clung to because she was so nice to her. (Also female) she’s in love with Jane but will never confess to that. They especially relate to each other because their lives were ruined/ changed because of a man. Jane came with her anytime she had to be around one of the guys so Sebastia wouldn’t be alone. Spent lots of time together. It feels so nice to have a friend she can relax completely around. And she doesn’t want to lose that so she keeps her feelings for Jane to herself.

Nina: Sebastia hates Nina a first. Like a lot. She found Nina’s weird obsession over Jeff ridiculous and degrading. Sebastia hated how Nina centered Jeff in her life. It’s mainly because Sebastia saw herself in Nina. And she was ashamed of it. After months of screaming and fighting with each other, Sebastia finally comes to terms with the fact she’s being a huge hypocrite and apologizes. Nina tells her why she is the way she is with Jeff and how he manipulated her and ruined her life like he did with Jane. She just can’t seem to get over him or give him up despite how bad she wants to. They end up becoming friends too. Especially over emo stuff. Feels so nice to have a friend to go to concerts with. Sebastia also has romantic feelings for Nina too. (Sebastia will fall in love and cling to almost anyone who’s nice to her, but women especially. It’s always been a huge problem for her)

Jeff: hates him. He ruined Jane and Nina’s lives. Thinks he’s egocentric and narcissistic and not in a charming way like Toby. She doesn’t actively try to fight him or antagonize him, but she tries to avoid him as much as possible. She tries to hide it as best as she can, but I’m sure Jeff knows and messes with her causing her to violently lash out at him.

Sally: loves her like she would a little sister and will protect her at all costs. Especially because Sebastia had wanted kids before her life went this way. Sally and her both don’t trust men, except for the ones they both know.

BEN: indifferent to him but nice. Mainly because she doesn’t exactly understand what Ben is? So she’s just nice to him and doesn’t ask many questions. Fun to play video games with and be a nerd with though, even though he kinda creeps her out. But he hasn’t done anything to her so why antagonize him? Especially because she literally doesn’t know what he is or how she’d fight him.

Laughing Jack: Tries to understand him. But is still unsettled by his presence. He’s loud and weird and really creepy in a way only LJ can be. But he does make her laugh, so there’s that. She will never ever want to be alone in a room with him, not because he’d do anything weird to her, but because he’s a lot to handle and again she’s unsettled by him, even though she wants to like him. Their relationship is weird. Sebastia hopes they can be better friends. But his happy energy feels so fake and disingenuous that it’s damn near impossible to trust him.

Jason the toymaker: hates him. Literally takes women and turns them into his personal toys. Could never like someone like that.

Candy Pop: hates him. Sees women as objects and once again, can’t really like someone like that. Maybe if she found out that candy pop was once in love with a woman and is possessed by a monster like she is she’ll come around. Big maybe though

Puppeteer: doesn’t like him. Mainly because of how he treats Erma.

Slenderman: She literally can’t even comprehend what he is? So she just takes Toby’s word for it that he keeps them safe as long as they do what he says.

Masky: doesn’t know him that well, but no ill will towards him. But she’s not gonna go out of her way to be friends with him so she’s just surface level nice to him. Also Sebastia hates the smell of cigarette smoke so she’d rather not be around him

Hoodie: they’ve never spoke. Only knows a bit about him from Toby. So she has no feelings towards him

Clockwork: she likes her. Not as close with her as she is with Nina and Jane but they’re cool. Feels awkward around clockwork because Sebastia has a crush on Toby but she knows they’re exs. Also Sebastia feels jealous and Miracle literally encourages her to be jealous. Sebastia is at least aware enough to recognize it’s ridiculous to be jealous. Sebastia also over thinks a lot: if her and Toby hypothetically got together would clockwork hate her? It makes her sick to think about because she doesn’t want to hurt Clockworks feelings. She shoves the jealousy away and is nice to Clockwork regardless. Especially because they both have bad history with men, they both respect each other and check on each other. Sebastia thinks Clockwork is so pretty.

Kate: Sebastia and Kate have a surface level friendship and get along just fine. She likes Kate’s mask a lot!

Bloody Painter: Sebastia thinks his art is cool. Since BP is quiet, they don’t talk much. But when they do, their conversations are short and sweet. But Sebastia knows he’s dangerous despite how quiet and soft spoken he is. But she respects how he’s not rude and keeps to himself.

Random facts about Sebastia

Loves sweet foods the most

Her favorite desserts are sugar cookies with frosting, really good chocolate chip cookies, vanilla cake and ice cream

Her favorite food is sushi. A close second is seafood boils. She likes to eat messy with her hands sometimes. Third would be bira ramen

Her favorite color is dark blue, especially if it’s along side a dark purple, so you’ll see those colors in her outfits and hair. Opposite to that she likes red and hot pink. But she wears a lot of black along side all those colors

She’s scared of the dark and spiders(despite her kinda looking like one sometimes with all those mouths going everywhere when they’re holding her up on something)

Her arms and legs are permanently black no matter what form she’s in but she covers them with wrapping bandages or accessories.

They fade into her normal skin tone at the elbows and knees but she thinks it looks kinda cool

Sometimes will leave her fingers exposed especially if she paints her nails

Wants to go back to her normal life after she gets everything under control, but if she can’t she enjoys being here with everyone so that’s a good thing

Another branch of scientists are after her but she’s hidden pretty well and can fight them if necessary

Sometimes wonders what Miracle is supposed to actually look like, she can’t comprehend it if she tried

She’s happy she can somewhat blend in with humans with her normal looking form. She enjoys still being able to do the things she liked before

Wanted a family and kids before this all happened but Sally is good practice, even though Sally is technically older than her and more mature than your average child

Has to carry around sweets with her so in case she fights and looses blood, she doesn’t loose consciousness

It’s kinda funny to see her fighting then have to whip out a cupcake and eat it

Miracle can keep fighting even if Sebastia is unconscious, it’s kinda creepy to see a limp body have mouths coming out of it and fighting especially with the blood everywhere

Sebastia loves to eat, especially because she couldn’t eat what she wanted in the lab

Loves sweet smelling perfumes

Her birthday is July 14th

Loves being warm so she loves summer

Miracles mouths and the ones that come out of Sebastias head look like this (minus the sword) and many mouths can come out of Sibastias head as needed at once

Sebastia doesn’t know if Miracle likes being called “Miracle” and she’s scared to ask (what if it wants to be called something weird?!)

Sebastia has snake bites, a septum and nostril piercings, all of them with spiked jewelry

She wants more and might let Nina do them!

That’s all I got for now!! Here’s a doodle someone made for me on discord! Thank you sm!!!

If you read all this, thank you!! I really appreciate it! I love Sebastia sm and I really wanted to talk about her :3 I’m honestly surprised it took this long and I hope you guys enjoy her too:3 this was my first time making a Creepypasta OC ironically. At least one where I thought out a whole story for them. Here’s a Sebiastia mood board to finish:3

#creepypasta #creepypasta hcs #creepypasta characters #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #seireitonin #crp #ticci toby #ticci toby headcanons #ticci toby hc #creepypasta oc #creepypasta original character #jane the killer creepypasta #creepypasta masky #sally creepypasta #eyeless jack creepypasta #oc #nina the killer creepypasta

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allthebooksandcrannies · 3 days ago

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My parents and I have been getting back into Superman and Lois after only seeing the first season as it was coming out, and my mom asked me why I think it doesn't bother me so much when the characters are making objectively rash or illogical decisions/accusations, suggesting maybe it was because I was already so bought into the DC fandom in general that it didn't bother me.

At the time I didn't have an answer for her other than knowing that wasn't the reason, since it definitely does annoy and frustrate me, but I've been thinking about it. Bc yeah, I'm still enjoying the show a lot and am getting more and more into the show, while the last three shows I tried getting into with them, my dad and I both tapped out bc we were cringing too much at the characters choices. So what was different with Superman and Lois?

And I think the answer is Clark.

Not only because there is truth to my mom pointing out how much I love a well-written Superman (and Tyler being my favorite on-screen version of the character), but also bc Clark's usually the member of the main cast making the "best" choices: compartmentalizing in a crisis, prioritizing safety over ego or temporary emotions but also treating emotional health as important and worth occasionally taking careful risks for. He balances the paranoia and coldness of characters like early General Lane by knowing when to put his family and friends first, but he also can put aside the personal when needed, whether that's putting aside a grudge to team up with a former antagonist or being the voice of reason when Lois or one of the boys are making a dangerous or hurtful choice/behavior bc they're caught up in an emotional response.

And when this Clark does mess up, it's usually pretty justified and he still recognizes and apologizes for it without making excuses. And then he actually does better in the future bc he learns from his mistakes, which is so refreshing to see.

The other shows I was struggling to get into, the protagonist was either the problem or just as bad as the other characters with making decisions with easily foreseeable negative consequences for potential little reward, not learning from those mistakes and repeating them, and then acting like the very foreseeable consequences were totally unpredictable and not at all their fault. This makes it really, really hard to get invested in these characters and their shows bc I'm torn between second hand embarrassment and wanting to shout "I told you so" at the screen.

But i CAN root for Superman and Lois's Clark Kent. And the characters who are making choices that feel obviously unwise to me (an adult with adult regulation skills) are usually the teenage characters who are acting in completely age-appropriate ways for teenagers. The teenagers are written exactly like children of their age, with all the short-sightesness, emotional regulation issues, and black-and-white morality that goes with it. And these conflicts and character flaws make the story better bc the writers give them the respect they deserve. Yeah, a teenager is going to think that his first love is going to last forever, and yeah, his adult parents are going to know that's unlikely and immature, and yeah, that doesn't make it any less meaningful to him at that moment. The writers get teenagers and the way that everything is bigger to them bc of their life stage in a way that few shows tend to understand and fully explore, especially among shows not written solely for teens.

#superman and lois #superman #writing #superman meta #Superman and lois meta #fandom sugar #dc comics #dc #clark kent

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yesimwriting · 2 days ago

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Happy new year! I wish you all a blessed 2025 ❤️

Now personally I don’t care the new years kiss tradition is about kissing your significant other, every single friend I love is getting love back from me when I’m drunk.

Bestie reader should absolutely give Louis the biggest platonic SMOOCH because he deserves it. He’d walk around with lipstick on his forehead or something, take a pic, save it for later to make fun of the level of readers intoxication.

a/n happy new year!! i'm totally the same about nye kisses and drinking, i get a little sappy and suddenly everyone in my life needs to know how much i mean to them lol i love this concept and it's perfect for the first fic of 2025!

also as a side note, going out/drinking with a vampire seems so perfect, ultimate scary dog privileges bc let some creepy man try anything and suddenly louis has a little late night snack <3 it sounds so freeing

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The music's heavy pulse has aligned itself with your own, the base of it reverberating through your chest so thoroughly it might as well take the place of your heart. You can't bring yourself to dislike the feeling.

"O-kay." Your enthusiasm breaks the word into two. You let yourself lean into the feeling, into the fullness of your joy. "I think the regular vodka's stronger than the jello shots, because it's vodka not vodka-jello."

Louis presses his lips together in an attempt to keep from grinning too broadly. "That makes sense."

Your eyes narrow as you give yourself a moment to absorb the response. "It does," the words are much more contemplative than they need to be, "I'm so smart."

This time, Louis lets himself react. He laughs at the deliberateness pressed into your syllables. You're too out of it to think to mind his reaction. "You're drunk."

You straighten slightly as if that'll be enough to prove him wrong. "I'm happy."

Louis extends an arm, placing a hand on your shoulder in an instinctual attempt at keeping you steady. You're not exactly implying instability, but he's been spent enough time around you like this to know it's better to be safe than sorry.

"You're drunk."

You tilt your head at the correction, blinking at him curiously. "For some people, that's the same thing."

"Yeah?" The word is much too amused.

You nod enthusiastically, shifting your weight from foot to foot in a way that leaves Louis squeezing your arm a little tighter. "Yeah." You pause, eyebrows drawing together pensively as you struggle to grasp your next thought in its entirety. "I love you. I want you to be as happy as I am."

"Okay." He lets out a partial laugh. You're a good, terribly affectionate drunk. "I'm very happy. I promise."

His assurance doesn't seem to ease you. Instead of moving onto a separate topic of conversation or attempting to escape him in order to track down another shot, you frown. You step back slightly before lifting your arm. "Here."

You're holding your wrist out in front of him so innocently Louis can almost make himself forget what you're offering. "That--that's really nice of you, but I'm okay."

You frown, staring up at him with wide, sad eyes. Louis sighs, his fingers gently bending around your forearm. He pulls your hand down towards your side before stepping closer to you. In an abundance of precaution, he angles his head towards your ear. "I had that boy that grabbed your arm earlier, remember?"

"My blood is perfectly good--blood." Great, he's stumbled onto this argument again. You're not looking to be hurt, but for whatever reason, you're convinced that Louis's refusal to consume your blood to any extent is limiting your friendship. "Seriously, a doctor has never struggled to find my veins."

The defense is slurred and devoid of serious logic. Still, such a consistent mentioning of something he's always trying to ignore...always trying to forget makes it difficult to focus on anything else. The blood moving beneath your skin is warm against his palms, and it--the scent of it...

It is possible to stop. Some know how to resist, how to take just enough to feel something without bringing a life to its end. Lestat had possessed that kind of control, had used it when creating Claudia.

The thought leaves him more somber than he's prepared to be. Even if he could sense that kind of strength in himself, he--he couldn't use you in that way. Introducing you to his world at all was a cruel enough act on its own, he doesn't need to taint you further.

Louis squeezes his eyes shut, exhaling before pulling away slightly. He lifts your arm slowly, his thumb brushing against your wrist's pulse point. You watch him silently as he brings your inner forearm to his mouth. He presses his lips against your skin. "It's not you."

You're quiet for a second, something oddly sober briefly flickering behind your gaze. "I know," you relent slowly, "On some level, I know."

You look at him, then, with a careful awareness that often leaves him feeling like you're the one capable of looking into his mind. "But it better not be because you think your existence is some terrible burden you're inflicting onto me."

It's a warning he's used to hearing. His lips part, but before he can think of a response, the crowd around you shifts. A variety of voices blend together as they start to count, "...Ten...nine...."

"New years!" You beam, reaching for Louis's hand as you turn towards the others.

The countdown continues, the numbers oddly in sync for a bar so full of drink individuals. The clock hits midnight, the crowd erupts into cheers.

You grin, straightening fully as you lean towards him. Before Louis can think to ask about what you're doing, you press your lips against his cheek. He can feel the residue of your lipgloss against his skin, but he can't bring himself to mind it. This isn't the first time you've gotten a little affectionate while drunk, but normally there's some warning. "What was that for?"

You shrug innocently, "New Years kiss."

You let go of him fully, halfheartedly pushing his arm off your shoulder as you start moving away from him. "Where are you going?"

"I want another shot." The response is absentmindedly thrown over your shoulder, like Louis should have had the foresight to follow you.

A part of him is glad that your back is to him. This way, he can grin openly without encouraging your behavior. "Slow down--you're in heels."

You turn at that, flashing your middle finger before continuing forward. Oh, you're not going to get the hear end of this tomorrow.

#interview with the vampire x reader #iwtv x reader #itwv x reader #louis de pointe du lac x reader #bestie!reader

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gingerteafairy · 2 days ago

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veins of the forgotten (dean winchester x reader)

⟵previous chapter

tags n warnings: cursing, jealous, smut so please mdni, happy ending bc they need it. word count: 5.5k

The sun filled up the room. The smell of blood, forgotten by the adrenaline, lingered on your body, which was the motivation to get out of bed and leave Dean’s warm embrace. You glanced over your shoulder, turning to admire the sight of Dean Winchester, so peaceful, lost in dreams.

“You know you can tell what he’s dreaming about, right?” A thin voice echoed in your head, which you ignored. Maybe you were still asleep.

You grabbed the clothes you were wearing, and God, they really needed to be washed. Then you had the idea to rummage through Dean’s bag, finding a shirt that wasn’t exactly fresh, but better than the sweaty one you’d traveled in. Your jeans weren’t too bad, so that would be the outfit of the day.

After a quick shower, you brushed your teeth and stepped out of the bathroom already dressed, finding Dean’s sleepy and sweet gaze. “Good morning, champ.” you sansong playfully, tying your hair into a tight ponytail.

“And put ‘good’ in that…” he smiled, getting up and walking toward you for a warm hug, sniffing your neck tenderly and lifting his head to meet your eyes. “Looks better on you than on me. You should keep that one.”

You smiled goofily as he pulled away, heading to the bathroom, probably for a shower; you both needed it. While Dean was in the bathroom, you decided to call a delivery service for a decent breakfast, getting frustrated as each attempt failed due to the hotel being far from anything civilized.

“Worried?” he asks, stepping out of the bathroom with a relaxed expression, wiping his hands on a towel as he leans casually against the doorframe.

“Who doesn't sell breakfast at 2PM?”You throw your phone on the bed with a frustrated sigh, your fingers brushing the sheets absentmindedly.

“I was thinking of taking us for breakfast, what do you think? It's not out fault we spent the whole night awake and our bodies decided to wake up now.”

“You just took my worries away.” You chuckle, sitting up and swinging your legs off the bed, your feet touching the cold floor. You stand up, stretching your arms over your head, feeling the ache in your muscles. He grabs his jacket from the back of the chair and tosses yours into your hands with a smirk, the weight of it making you look up at him in surprise.

He opens the door for you, his hand on the handle, and gestures for you to walk ahead. You give him a quick smile and head out, but his eyes linger on your figure as you pass. The hallway lights cast soft shadows, and you feel a flicker of warmth on your skin when he walks up behind you. At the parking lot, the receptionist gives you both a wide smile, her eyes sparkling as she waves.

But before you get in the car, he stops, stepping out and exchanging a few words with her. His words seem to be teasing, and her laugh is loud and genuine, causing something sharp to twist inside you. The sour taste of jealousy creeps up your throat. But what could you do? He wasn’t even your boyfriend.

You cross your arms tightly, leaning against the car, your eyes narrowing just slightly as you watch him. The thought makes your chest tighten, but you push it away, trying to focus on something else. You shake your head, telling yourself it’s ridiculous to feel that way.

“Alright, ready to go.” He slides into the car, slamming the door shut with a soft thud, and the engine purrs to life. As he presses the button to roll up the windows, the soft sound of The Only Exception by Paramore fills the air. You glance at him, a small smile tugging at the corners of your mouth as you recognize the song.

“Sam’s songs.” You point out with a playful grin, nudging his shoulder, and he laughs, raising his hand like he’s about to change it. But before he can, you slap his hand away gently, a teasing glint in your eyes. “I wanna hear it, I like this one.”

He chuckles, glancing at you, his eyes softening a bit, then he shrugs dramatically, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he accelerates. “Good thing, I wouldn’t know what to do if I admitted it before you did. You lean back in your seat, relaxing as the familiar melody fills the space between you, the tension slowly fading away.

The Impala smoothly cruised toward a small diner in town, the engine’s hum fading as Dean parked near the entrance. You both slid out of the car, making your way inside where the air smelled of fresh coffee and sizzling food.

You sat at a table near the window, the sun’s gentle warmth filtering through the glass, casting soft rays across your skin. You sighed, feeling the warmth seep into your bones. Dean ordered pancakes with black coffee, and you couldn’t help but smile at your usual choice. When you told him, his eyes lit up with a grin. He mentally noted it down, thinking he might order it for you next time—or even take a risk and cook it himself one day.

“You know,” you started, taking a bite of your meal and savoring the taste that made your heart feel warm, “I think I’m not going back to Buckley’s.”

“I’m not gonna let you,” he teased, spearing a piece of pie with his fork. You chuckled at the way he ate, his mouth full but still managing to shoot you a grin. He had such a carefree way of doing everything that made even simple moments feel lighter.

“Then I was thinking…” you trailed off, and his eyebrows shot up in curiosity. “I should go shopping… you know, get some new clothes. This one is practically glued to my body by now.”

He smiled with his mouth full, swallowing before responding, “Good idea, but where are you gonna find the cash? I wish I could pay for it, but this life isn’t exactly great for making money.”

You leaned back a little in your chair, a smirk on your lips. “I still have his card.” You said it casually, but he nearly choked on his coffee, laughing uncontrollably.

“You’re really from another world,” he grinned, pointing his fork at you in mock warning. “You should be arrested, young lady.”

“I’m not. I’m just taking advantage of the perks of having a terrible dad,” you said with a mischievous smile, but the moment it left your lips, it faded. The smile didn’t quite reach your eyes anymore. You poked the fork into your food, the clink of the metal against the plate echoing in the silence between you two.

The playful atmosphere in the diner felt heavier now. As you pushed your food around absentmindedly, you caught a glimpse of Dean looking at you, his expression softening. The playful glint in his eyes was replaced with a touch of concern, but he didn’t press further. It felt like there was something unspoken between you, something that had shifted when you mentioned your father.

“Waitress!” He called out, and a young woman approached with a bright smile, ready to take his order.

“How can I help you, sir?” she asked, and Dean shot you a grin that bordered on madness. You narrowed your eyes, already sensing this wouldn’t be a normal request.

“Do you know where there’s a fancy, outrageously expensive store for this young lady to buy some clothes?” he asked, and you rolled your eyes, adjusting your posture as the waitress beamed at you. “She’s a bit picky, you know? So, everything has to be super expensive. Her dad’s a big shot, and I’m dating his daughter.”

You could feel the heat rise to your cheeks as the waitress gave you a wide, almost approving smile. You shifted uncomfortably in your seat, half-annoyed by his playful teasing.

“I think we have just the place.” She added, then gave you directions to the stores where you could find pieces that no one in town would dare spend money on. You both paid for the coffee before heading out to the high-end shop.

Walking into the store felt like entering a different world. The spiral staircase and crystal chandelier made it look like something out of a luxury magazine. A refined lady greeted you and guided you to the casual wear section, where Dean insisted on picking out outfits for you to try on. He slipped a few of his own preferences into the mix, grinning at you like a kid in a candy store.

After trying on what seemed like a pair of jeans covered in tiny skulls and a basic black top, you stepped out of the fitting room, stifling an amused laugh.

“Come on, you look amazing,” he said, leaning back on the couch in front of the changing rooms, casually munching on a pack of peanuts. As usual, he was making a mess, bits of the snack scattered around him.

“I look like a ridiculous emo going to an MCR concert.” You grinned, twirling in front of the mirror, adjusting the pants uncomfortably.

He raised an eyebrow, still munching away, clearly enjoying your reaction. “Emo are not that hot, they don't make me wanna take off their clothes,so… You nailed it.” He flashed that mischievous grin that made it hard to argue with him.

“I'll take them all.” You stated to the old lady, turning your eyes to a happy Dean grinning. “And I'll take this one too… my boyfriend loved this one.”

“Oh, lovely.” She chimed, taking your choices as you got inside the changing room again to get your normal clothes. “Hey, dear.” She called you again.

“Yeah?” You uttered, coming out again.

“You can use this one before paying, I just need to remove the tag and assure the cashier youre gonna pay for it.” she spoke lightly before coming closer to whisper. “And you gotta make your boyfriend happy, huh? He seems like he's planning a sorta surprise for you.”

You felt your cheeks burn. Clothing. Boyfriend. Surprise. The gears turning in your head. It was a date. Maybe, just maybe, you had the thought that moment with the hotel attendance wasn't a flirt. And that made you go straight to the cashier to pay for all your choices, grinning with all the packages he insisted on carrying.

“There's one more store.” He shared, after closing the trunk carefully for not messing up your things.

“I'm sure I broke my dad right now.” You stated, smiling for the butterfly necklace he chose on the previous store that was expensive enough to bang the limit.

“This one I'll make sure to pay for.” He demanded, getting in the car again to start the engine.

The sight of a white and pink wall appeared and your smile was replaced by a disbelief reaction contrasting to Dean's impossibly enormous grin. “Here we are.”

“You're disgusting.” You gushed, a smile growing even more when he stepped out of the car to open the passenger door for you. “Being a gentleman to see my fashion show? Dirty trick, Dean.”

“Can't help it.” He declared, stepping closer. “And I'm eager to see it.”

He took your hand and led you out to the delicate store. Which had nothing delicate with those lewd products where Dean found himself in paradise. He asked for information to the attendants like he was at school and he was a dedicated student.

He emphasized a lot of things with you and you laughed at all his amused reactions to toys, special liquids and overall sex shop things. The learning lesson stopped as soon as he saw the pretty, just perfect lace bra with a cute pink bow and matching panties.

“No.” you guffawed, frowning as he pouted his pretty pink lips at you. “Dean!”

The excitement in his eyes was almost childlike. You hesitated, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. “Please… I just... I want to see you in it. For me? Just once."

Your cheeks flushed a deep crimson as you shook your head, glancing away. "Nooo. What if it looks... weird? I’m not really good at this kind of thing."

He stepped closer, holding out the lingerie like something precious. "You could never look weird. Trust me, okay? You’ll look amazing. You always do.”

You glanced up at him through your lashes, seeing the hopeful gleam in his eyes. "But—"

"No buts," he interrupted, his lips quirking into a grin. "If you absolutely hate it, I promise we’ll never talk about it again. Deal?"

After a long pause, you sighed, taking the fabric from his hands. "Fine, but only because you accompanied me today and I'll wear it at the hotel, okay?”

You got back to the motel early in the evening, and, once again, Dean exchanged looks with the girl at the front desk. That damn smirk of his, paired with the way he tilted his head, was enough to make your blood boil even more than it had that morning. You’d had a great day together — too good, really. It had to be fake.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, grabbing your hand, only to look surprised when you pulled it back. “Hey, you okay?”

“I’m fine… totally fine…” you muttered, crossing your arms. But you know what? You were way too irritated to let it slide. “Actually, why don’t you go finish your little chat with the receptionist, huh? Bet she’d love that.”

Dean stopped mid-step, blinking at you like you’d just grown a second head. Then, to your utter frustration, he started to laugh — a low, gravelly chuckle that felt like it was mocking you.

“What’s so funny?” you snapped, shifting your weight uncomfortably as he stood there, clearly enjoying himself.

“Well…” He ran a hand over the back of his neck, trying to suppress his grin. “I think the receptionist…” He laughed again, shaking his head as he opened the door to your room. “I think the receptionist’s gonna be too busy bringin’ up the champagne for us.”

“What champagne…” The words caught in your throat as you stepped inside and took in the scene. Rose petals were scattered across the floor, and a sleek box sat neatly on the bed.

“Dean…” you breathed, covering your mouth with your hands. “Oh my God, Dean, I’m such an idiot… I thought…”

“You thought I was hittin’ on the receptionist?” he asked, one eyebrow raised, a smirk tugging at his lips.

Your hands flew to your face, mortified. “You’re such a jerk,” you laughed, playfully hitting his chest.

“Ow!” he yelped, clutching his chest dramatically. “That hurt! Do you know how hard it was to keep you busy all afternoon? But man, it was worth it.”

You stepped further into the room, your eyes darting around as you took everything in. It wasn’t extravagant, but it didn’t need to be. It was perfect. Simple, but full of meaning. Dean closed the door behind him and slid an arm around your waist, pulling you closer.

“Why all this?” you asked, looking up at him. He was so close, so handsome, and somehow, so… yours.

“Dunno,” he said, flashing that boyish grin of his. “Guess I just wanted to impress a certain witch I know.”

Though his tone was playful, there was something in his eyes that carried so much more. He hesitated, then continued:

“I asked Janette to wrap a little somethin’ for us. Honestly, no idea what’s in it.”

“Janette, huh? Gettin’ real cozy with her, are ya?” you teased, raising an eyebrow.

“Janette Williams. Blonde. Twenty-one. Cute, huh? Sweet girl.” He winked, but before you could get too annoyed, he added, “But she’s got nothin’ on you.”

He said it softly, his gaze dropping for a second. The weight of his words hung in the air, and suddenly, it was like the world had stopped spinning.

You felt your chest tighten, a rush of air escaping as you tried to breathe evenly. Instinctively, you stepped closer, your heart hammering in your chest. Dean swallowed hard, his throat dry. He licked his lips, visibly nervous, like he was searching for the right words.

“Look, I…” He cleared his throat, his voice failing him for a second.

“Yes?” you prompted gently, your heart practically in your throat. He stared at you, his hazel eyes full of emotion, and it felt like he was on the verge of saying something that would change everything.

“I love…” he began, but before he could finish, the shrill ring of the motel phone shattered the moment.

“I love…” He sighed, glaring at the phone. “I love phones. They’re great.”

“Yeah, real important,” you quipped nervously, scratching your head as you let out a soft laugh.

Dean muttered something under his breath as he grabbed the phone. After a brief, annoyed conversation, he hung up, shaking his head.

“What was that about?” you asked, trying to read his expression.

“She said the champagne’s in the box,” he explained, gesturing toward the bed. “Go on. Open it.”

You couldn’t help but smile as you practically skipped over to the bed, opening the box to reveal a bottle of champagne, two glasses, and an assortment of sweets.

“Wow…” you whispered, glancing back at him. “Dean, this is amazing.”

He smiled at you, a mix of pride and relief, but then his expression shifted to something mischievous.

“Now that I made you real happy…” he started, moving toward the bag he’d brought in earlier. From it, he pulled out a neatly wrapped box. The lingerie. “How about you try this on for me?”

“I promised, didn’t I?” you said, a bit shy, twirling a strand of hair around your finger. “All right, gimme that.”

A few minutes later, you emerged from the bedroom, your arms crossed self-consciously as you stood in the doorway. The lingerie hugged you in all the right places. “You look…” Dean froze, his mouth dropping open. "You look... incredible."

You quickly turned your head, unable to meet his gaze. "Stop saying dumb stuff like that! I look ridiculous."

"Ridiculously amazing!" He spun around, grabbing his phone. "Hold on, let me call NASA. I need to report that a star landed in my living room."

"Shut up!" You snapped in a high-pitched voice as you grabbed a pillow and threw it at him.

He caught it easily, grinning from ear to ear. "I’m serious, darling. You look beautiful. But you don’t have to take my word for it. Just look in the mirror."

You hesitated, glancing toward the mirror. Your reflection stared back, a shy smile tugging at your lips despite herself. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around you from behind, pulling you gently into his chest. His warmth enveloped your waist steady and solid, just as his pecking on your neck, reassuring. Your hands slowly moved to rest over his, fingers curling around his own.

"You’re such an idiot," you whispered, voice cracking in laughter when he sniffed your neck, shaking his head on the crook.

"I know," he replied, the faintest smile in his tone. "But I’m your idiot."

A shaky laugh escaped from your lips, leaning back into him. You couldn't help but feel uneasy. Yours. This word tossed and turned into you. So It did to him.

“Now… Can you turn and make a little spin while I take at least 37 pictures?” He teased and you scoffed in disbelief, turning to face him.

“Absolutely not.”

Then he knelt on the floor, clutching your hand in mock desperation. "My love, my muse, my beacon of light in this dark world. Won’t you grant me this one birthday wish?”

“It's not even your birthday, Dean.” You laughed, pushing him back on his feet as you feign a slap on her shoulder.

“How’d you know? I didn't tell you.” he chimed, his eyes roaming all over you, focusing on the curves and the pieces where the lingerie made little for the imagination.

“Guessing.” You shrugged, pressing your lips in a thin line. “Can I get changed now or you want more fanservice?” He rolled his eyes, biting his lips. “Stop doing it.”

“Doing what?” He scoffed, looking you up and down. He had a way of making anyone feel hot just by one sight of him.

“This!” You pointed again, laughing. You weren't sure if you could handle more days with this teasing role coaster. Giving up, you lay on bed and he ran to lay by your side, casting glances at you as you grabbed the remote to turn the TV as a distraction.

The quiet felt heavy, almost tangible. The TV was casting flickering shadows across your faces, but neither was paying attention to the screen anymore.

You stole a glance at Dean, your heart hammering against your ribs. His profile, sharp and serious in the dim light, seemed unfairly attractive. You bit your lip, trying to focus on something—anything—other than how close he was. Praying for him not see the forming slick on the fabric.

Dean, on the other hand, was painfully aware of your presence, just as the bulge on his pants. The warmth radiating from your barely covered chest made his own feel tight. He ran a hand through his hair, pretending to be interested in the TV, but his thoughts were nowhere near the movie playing out.

The silence stretched, awkward and electric.

"So..." Dean started, his voice breaking the stillness but faltering halfway through. He wasn’t even sure what he’d planned to say.

You turned to him, startled. For a moment, neither of you moved, caught in a strange limbo where words seemed unnecessary but unbearably important. I love you.

the edge of the couch for dear life. "Uh..." You mumbled.

"Yeah," he replied, though it wasn’t a response to anything. His throat felt dry, palms sweating. He couldn't be like this. No.

Then, he heard his inner voice and kissed you. Thank God Dean heard his instincts because the way you kissed was near to a religious experience.

In a split second, he had you laying on your back with him on top of you, one of his legs between yours as his body laid against yours. As he looked down at you, he felt his stomach twist with both nerves and anticipation.

His hands moved to your sides, digging his fingers so hard that you were sure it was reddened at this point. He couldn't stop himself from touching. As you scratched his chest, he felt like his body was on fire, in the best way possible. You grab the hem of his shirt, pulling back from you but only so you could take it off.

"It's not fair, you're too hot." you commented slightly flustered, amused by his toned almost unrealistic beautiful body under you.

"You're not so bad yourself, sweetie." He murmured back, chuckling quietly, his hands resting on thighs, drawing invisible circles on them.

"Not bad? Oh you're gonna pay for saying that." You shake your head, catching his lips again.

"Oh really? What're you gonna do about it?" He teased, biting your bottom lip.

"Nothing, because i have no fucking idea of what I'm doing." You burst into laughter, resting your head on the pillow. His hands snaked back and forth from your waist to hip. You swallowed, meeting his gaze. “Guide me?”

"Are you sure?" He whispered, his green eyes flicking from yours down to your lips before moving back up.

You nodded and he kissed you again, a little noise leaving the back of his throat when your lips met, his hands moving behind you, squeezing your hips.

When he saw the bra being discarded to the floor, he was speechless. His pupils were blown a little as he watched you, biting his lower lip as his fingers followed the curve of your breasts, cupping them delicately, feeling the skin, memorizing the sensation.

His head was spinning, and he had to slow his breathing, his hands resting beside your head for support as he stared down with a flushed face. “You’re beautiful.”

His lips trailed down from your neck to your collarbone, slowly down and following the curves of your body, until he was kissing along your belly. He could feel your breathing get a little more shaky, and he looked up at you while he kissed along your stomach, enjoying the taste of your skin.

When his fingers downed the tiny lacey fabric off you, he paused, staring your sticky fluid forming a strand glued to the fabric. A proof of how truly aroused you were.

“Please…don't look at it.” You pleaded, attempting to close your thighs together, prevented by Dean's spreading apart again. “It's embarrassing, Dean…”

“It's beautiful.” He sighed, glueing his eyes on your core again, his warm breath sending shivers down your spine, increased by his fingertip tracing a small pattern all along your intimacy, snaking to your entrance to collect more fluid just to come back to your pearl, teasing it.

“Dean… you…” your patience was running thin as his unconscious teasing expanded, slowly torturing your aching bud by admiring it.

“Sorry, it's just…” he paused, licking his moistened finger. “I've never had time or concentration to enjoy the moment.”

You smiled, plopping your elbows to see Dean genuinely smiling at you, his eyes full with a true happiness he hasn't felt in many years. Not because of sex, no. It was love.

“D’you mind if I…” he chuckled, flustered. “You know…lick?”

You laughed, throwing your head back, back to his eyes again. “you really asking me this?”

“Yeah, you know, consent.” he shrugged, smiling. You nodded, suddenly being aware of how his body seemed hot judging by his blushed shoulders and desireful eyes.

It was the sign Dean needed for him to get what he craved and didn't even be aware of that. He swallowed and slowly placed his face on your pussy, pressing a brief kiss on the center. He groaned, flicking a soft flat tongue on your core, your back arching with the new sensation.

“Hmmmm…you taste so fucking good.” He grunts, boosting your temperature. You knew about arousal and masturbation, you weren't dumb, but feeling it, feeling Dean, was a completely different thing.

His tongue licked all your extensions, kitten licking your bud and sucking on the right moments when you wanted and didn't even need to say. He knew in his veins what you wanted. He lifted his pointer, as a silent warning he was about to prepare you, carefully pressing against your entrance.

“Dean, oh my…. Jesus…” The moment his finger popped inside, you whimpered, curling your toes as he pumped in and out, preparing you.

Catching your reaction, Dean inserted another finger, burying it deep on you in a fast pace, matching with his smart tongue, where he ate you out like his last meal and all you could think was grinding on his face, longing for more contact.

The first shockwaves of your climax grew, he could feel you contract inside and convulse out, grasping your fingers on his hair to secure you, holding on him while you release the peak of pleasure on him, trembling by Dean prolonging your orgasm working you up. His true desire was overstimulation, seeing you possessed and crazy on his tongue all over the night, but it was your first time. He had to make a good guy pose for once. For you.

His tongue licked you for a last time before he raised, kneeling to unbelt, his eyes never leaving you while he peeled off the jeans of his body, leaving somewhere forgotten on the floor. You opened your eyes for the first time when you cooled down, eyes meeting his cock tantalized behind those boxers.

You plopped on your elbows again to get up. “No, no, no…” he shushed, laying on you again by gently pushing your shoulders. “This night is about you. You can touch me another day, okay?”

“Will it have another day?” You whispered, your eyes igniting more than just carnal, it was hope, longer, everything, everything feeling existing in the world that got Dean lost in that emotional maze of yours.

“Forever, if you wanted to.” He replied, pursuing your lips on the most passionate kiss you ever shared with him. He pushed back slightly to push his underwear down, kicking off to the floor. “Oh,almost forgot.” He remembered, crawling on the bed to reach out his jeans and take a condom out of his wallet.

Dean positionated one of his forearms next to your hair, securing him while he wrapped his cock on his hand. His eyes searched yours, blissed out, longing. You conceded, intoxicated by the excitement. Dean licked his lips, dressing his length. Your eyes shutted when he gently pushed in, splitting you open, scratching your nails on his back.

“You alright?” He panted, a bloom across his cheeks decorated his erotic face, waiting for you getting used to his size.

“Yeah… it's…” you muttered, dizzy. “It hurts, but… it's not painful as everyone said. It 's good.”

“Good?” He echoed, mouth opened with your disheveled face, memorizing you in his mind.

“Good.” you confirm, humming. “Is it…all? Like…you…”

“No.” He chuckled, getting closer, his weight pressing deliciously on your core as he took your hands, interlacing your fingers on him. “I need to push a little more, can you take it?”

“Yeah.” You concur, gasping, feeling his slide his length once more. “move, I… I can take it.”

He nodded, rolling out, grunting with you. He bounced back, filling. You moaned when he popped out once more, pain replaced by pleasure faster than you thought. “hmmm-more…” you whine, panting.

“what?” he croaks silky, sliding back easily.

“More…i want more…” you beg, ordering your eyes to open to emphasize. He felt in heaven, thrusting confidently. “this- Dean…”

You kept moaning, crying out his name like a prayer with each stroke he pumped. Your arms reached his neck, pushing him for a kiss while he rocked his hips frantically, digging his fingers on your waist. Closer.

Your cunt clench and unclenching sequentially with his cock kissing your cervix and all the right spots inside you.

“Dean… I love you…” the truth is revealed by moaning, falling over for your approaching peak again.

“Fuck.” He grunts, shutting his eyes as a smile creeps on his face, pulsing inside you. “I love you, i love you. I love you so much.”

“I love you.” you sob, gasping, rolling your hips together, reaching for your climax and somehow you knew he was close as you. “Dean…m”

“Me too, fuck, me too, darling.” His lips devoured you once again, feverish. Your moans became desperate, coming undone simultaneously to Dean spasming with shutted eyes as he spilled his cum.

He pumped a few more times, stopping only when he softened. You open your eyes, watching him open his slowly. His hands reached your face, wiping the excess sweat off your face with his hands, planting several kisses on you. Dozens, thousands kisses on your skin.

His body flipped around you and yours felt like he never really left, his scent, moist, everything, you felt him, even when he got up to throw the condom on the bathroom’s trash can.

“So… how d’you feel?” He asked, laying on your side again, pushing your boneless-like body for a cuddle.

“I don't know… deflorated?” You joke, giggling, admiring his eyes as you get closer with your chests almost touching.

“Ha ha ha, so funny.” He mocked, giving up for a low chuckle with your playful free behavior, tugging a strand of hair behind your ear. “But, for real… you okay?”

“It couldn't be more perfect.” You confess, feeling goosebumps with his innocent touch, a contract with the last minutes. “But seriously, it was perfect. Thank you.”

He lit up, his hand moving to the back of your head to kiss your lips again, your hand resting on his chest. He broke the kiss, gazing at you for a moment before opening his mouth. “Is it serious?”

“What?” You dash, eyeing him. You knew damn well what he was talking about, you couldn't help but hoping to hear him saying again.

“About…” he paused as the vulnerable electricity came back like a wave. “About love.”

You swallow, biting your lip. Being naked wasn't even close to how exposed you felt. “Yeah…sorry. I didn't… I guess I messed up things, right?”

“I love you.” He cut off tenderly, his grin widening with your smile. “Well, loving a witch wasn't exactly on my plans but… you know, things happen.”

“I love you.” You repeated, tasting how every word felt leaving your lips. It was sweet. Sweeter than everything you tasted before, and all you could do was say it again, as repeating was a state for reality. You loved him.

#dean winchester x y/n #dean winchester x you #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester #x reader #reader insert #fanfic #imagine #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural #jensen fanfic #jensen ackles fanfiction #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles fic

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benchwarming · 3 days ago

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i meant to reflect a bit before the end of 2024 about the experience of quitting my job last summer, but then my holidays were disrupted by norovirus AND conjunctivitis 🤪 so i didn't get around to it. until now!

i quit my job in august. i'd been at a startup for 6.5 years and had no plans to leave, buuuut then we were acquired in '23 by a big multinational firm. i won't get into all the ways that our new parent company eroded what had been to that point a pretty good place for me to work, but man, it fuckin sucked.

i was admittedly sensitive to it because "toxic legacy corporation led by sociopaths and staffed by mediocre assholes" was exactly the environment i was escaping when i'd joined the startup. but having to kowtow to a new c-suite of boomer-brained idiots with no sense, strategy, or discipline at a company i never wanted to work for in the first place was excruciating. especially bc i then had to turn around and try to make the best of their idiocy for a team of people* looking to me for reassurance and motivation.

i've never quit a job without having my next one lined up. it took like a month to admit to myself i was serious about the idea. then another month to be convinced by friends and fam that i was allowed to quit. then a few business days to calculate how long my finances would hold up. then another month to figure out what would have to happen for me to actually go through with it.

but of course something did happen, and i did quit. it was very scary!!! and i felt so guilty leaving my team. but i was able to kick off some freelance copywriting work right away, and a freelance consulting project came my way after that, and more things popped up after that. and while i have a lot to learn yet about how to make freelancing a sustainable long-term career, i'm extremely confident that it's worth it to try, at least for a while, bc uhhhh i am. SO much happier?!

i don't think it hit me exactly how much work i was doing, or how hard i was pushing myself to stay on top of it all, until i didn't have to do it anymore. i'm still getting used to that honestly. for the first few weeks i'd jolt awake worrying i'd forgotten something on my to-do list or automatically pull up zoom bc i felt sure i had a meeting to attend.

in comparison to that garbage, freelancing has been easy breezy. but i don't mean easy like mindless, i just mean like - i'm able to dictate the terms and scope of the work, and as a result it doesn't feel like "stuff i have to do" so much as "stuff i'm working on." that may be a distinction without a difference for a lot of people but it's turned out to be a pretty big deal for me: if i gotta work to live (and right now i do), then getting to call the shots and fully own the results makes it easier to conceptualize the work as an opportunity (fun! interesting! good use of time!) rather than an obligation (annoying! inflexible! standing between me and fun stuff!). and after years of managing a team it's such a relief to be responsible only for myself again.

of course the other thing i had at that job was a good salary. and i won't lie, i really miss the money. but i think i can get my income back up in that ballpark by the end of 2025 if i play my cards right. and even if i don't, i know now that enduring corporate agonies for that kind of money is no longer a worthwhile tradeoff for me.

since quitting there have been moments where i've felt dumb for not realizing sooner that freelance would be a better fit at this point in my professional life than a staff job. but i went into 2024 knowing i needed to take some kind of step forward in my career, and i did, and i learned stuff about myself in the process, and now i hate being alive at least 25% less per day than i used to. and that's sort of the whole point of everything, right?**

*by december, 80% of our department would be laid off, and the few left over would be desperate to leave. a really unfortunate end to an incredible marketing organization.

**of course now my therapist is like "so since 2023 was your Living Situation year, and 2024 was your Career year, does that mean 2025 is going to be your Relationship year?" and ughghghfhfhgf. like she's right, but. ugh. but she's right! but UGHHH

#v sorry for the long post but i cant figure out how to add a read more on web???#bench thoughts

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strange-anni · 1 day ago

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Yeah I do think that's the reason why they swap. El can't have the pure vanilla flavor bc she is not pure. (Doesn't reflect my personal beliefs) At the same time, Max can't have the Strawberry bc she is not a strawberry, so they switch.

It's just so interesting bc I do believe Will is trying his very best here to recreate history. He's always probably subconsciously trying to recreate all the trauma but do it better this time. To try and find a solution or healing for all the pain that was inflicted upon him. So El orders the vanilla, plain simple and pure and at fist it seems to work but then Max wants so swap ice creams and El is the Strawberry again.

I think that's big theme in the entire show. Will trying over and ever to set things right but in the end he always fails. He's trying to get control over the situation but it's just not working.

I think it's the same for Fred. He lives on Cherry St. and it's another attempt at recreating innocence which is then squashed when Fred is the one telling inappropriate things to Nancy making her feel uncomfortable.

Gosh, you're right with the Poplar Tree! I totally missed that there wasn't an "u" in there haha

But yeah, it does make a lot of sense for Chrissy then. Her life was also really short, she was there fast and just fast she was gone. I do wonder though, considering that Poplar Trees seem to grow after a wildfire and then protect the little seedlings until they take over, if there is a similar meaning for Chrissy? If she also did protect anything which then took over?

I need to think about the one with Patrick too as I'm not sure either but he was part of the basketball team and therefore part of the more popular crowd. Does that have anything to with it? I honestly don't know though.

If Will is "crazy" because he has DID, then how is Mike "crazy"?

That's such a good question! At first I thought Mike has such a huge influence on Will bc they are best friends and he means so much to Will which could still be true tbh. But then again, is there more them both being crazy than just that?

Another reason could be that Mike knows Will has DID even if he doesn't know what it is exactly or why Will has it in the first place.

Then there is the fact that Mike is also always into the supernatural things. He always believes Will and is on his side never doubting him. That in turn made me think of Joyce. Like they are both very similar in that aspect and since you mentioned that Joyce might have schizophrenia, I was thinking what if Mike has it too? And since it's genetic.. could it be that Mike is actually Joyces son? A bit wild of a thought process I admit but yeah, if you look a little deeper into it you can find lots of clues that Will and Mike might have swapped place at one point in there life.. so I don't think it'd be totally out of left field?

Yes Yes absolutely correct! Children need to be given the tools to seek help if they ever experience something like (se*ual) ab*se. There is absolutely no downside to giving then the proper education early on so they know and have the words to tell others if something is not right. And while we're at it, teaching them about consent and the fact they can and should say no when something doesn't feel right to them is also so important.

That could be good reason as to why "he" likes it cold. If Lonnie suffered from hyperthermia it would not surprise me if the house was also constantly cold or not that well heated in winter which would add to his home making Will uncomfortable.

This is the source El finds in the void and it's twofold. It's the father. In this case it's Neil but he's just a stand-in for Lonnie.

The other source is the Steel Works warehouse BRIMBORN but that's not how it is presented to us throughout season 3.

It reads more like BRIMBORN as a shadow covers up the B pretty consistently, making us unable to read it

Warning for discussions of CSA under the cut

We also get the full address of the steelworks warehouse and it's

Brimborn Steelworks 6522 Cherry Oak Drive

This is how where the MF possessed Billy. Cherry Oak Drive

Lonnie also means oak tree

Max also tells us Billys full address

Billy Hargrove 4819 Cherry Lane

Billy lives on Cherry Lane but he lost himself and got possessed by the father at Cherry Oak Drive. A lane to drive on...

Source

Billy was a Cherry Lane at first until he got corrupted in the Cheery Oak Drive

Billy is short for William and a stand-in for Will

We also learn more about cherries and their availability

Hopper says there is no cherry in the 7-Eleven. Apparently they had only strawberry

That's not entirely true tough as we see with Alexei here. In fact it seems like they have only cherry and cola. But Hopper still drove there even though it was way out of his way. So I'm sure he would have gotten cherry if it were there, right?

Well, maybe it's more like an either/or situation with the Seven and the Eleven in which one number is the cherry and the other is the strawberry . Maybe they are mutually exclusive

As we've already seen though, it's Will who is already associated with cherries via association of Billy which in turn can only mean one thing

Eleven is the strawberry

But

In the end there is no difference. Cherry and strawberry taste the same. They are the same. Just sugar on ice

But what's a strawberry anyway?

Source

First of all of this goes with the Will Byers has DID theory.

For the longest time I was convinced that Will created Eleven on the day he vanished in the woods but I don't think that's what has happened any longer. I think she was there long before. Ready to take over whenever Will needed her to use her superpowers to absorb what he couldn't face.

That's why Eleven is a strawberry. She was there ready to save Will whenever Lonnie sold off his son to buy dr*gs. It's why there is still a cola next the cherry in the 7-Eleven. Coca-Cola or just coke. Other sources also say that a Strawberry is a woman who willingly sells se*ual favors to buy dr*gs. (although willingly is hardly the word I would use here)

In the beginning of the first season El could barely speak and was more like a child who didn't understand anything. This was also done for her protection throughout the years I think. The less she understood what happened, the better it is for her (or so the reasoning goes)

But she still understood the most important part

#is there more of reason #why Mike and Will are both crazy together?#such a good question!#also see.. i haven't forgotten you!#stranger things

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blkkizzat · 2 months ago

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https://x.com/marcellet19/status/1854248600173179182?s=46&t=DEC190txbyFkvLN02_IasA some farmer toji art 😻😻😻 reminded me of your fic

[LINK]

DEAR SWEEET GAWWWFRWKJFNEKLAUGVNKFLRJ

This made my coochie throb fr. urghhh i need more farmhand!toji in my life. i have a few ideas tbh but i have so much on my plate rn. this was definitely delicious though. urgh imma be thinking about this alllllllll dayyyyyyy.

#ೃ༝💌⁀➷ 𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉мαιℓ #ೃ💌⁀➷𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉αησηѕ #blessssssss #bc this is exactly what i needed in my life #you a real one nonny!!!#ilysm pookies

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beanghostprincess · 11 months ago

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Luffy not knowing about Zoro promising Sanji to kill him if he ever ends up losing himself makes me go feral because that's something they can only know about. Because Zoro's respect for life and death goes beyond anything, and Sanji knows he understands. Sanji knows that if somebody has to kill him, it's him.

And I don't even think it's because Sanji assumes Zoro's opinion of him is hatred and it would hurt less for him to do this, but because Sanji knows only Zoro would be able to treat the promise as it is. Because he would put Sanji's wishes before any feelings he has for him. It's not that Zoro doesn't care, but I think he respects people's ideals and decisions to the extent of being able to kill Sanji if he so desires.

That being said, he'd do it if there's no other way to fix it. If it's either dying or living as an emotionless machine, which is the same as dying for Sanji, Zoro would fulfill his promise. And there is just... Something about Luffy not knowing. Their captain. The man they're devoted to the most as if he were their God. Luffy doesn't know. It's something only the captain's wings are aware of and the thought of these two keeping this from Luffy until the end is just insane. Not even trying to make it romantic here, but the bond and respect these two have for each other is crazy.

Maybe it's the poetry of it all, too. Somebody like Zoro, who has looked at Death in her face multiple times and said "no", ending Sanji's life, who wants to give in to death to not experience a fate worse than death for him.

#bean posting zosan this is so rare and weird don't get used to it sweeties #kind of tired of people jumping to extremes with these two btw like-#they don't hate each others but they're also not best friends-- respect is something they value even more than those things #they're not good for my mental health they make me go insane #this wasn't meant to be in a shippy way but idk if you wanna see it as romantic you do you bc it could def be #it depends on my mood #i consider myself a zosan shippers on random days #you could also say sanji thinks zoro doesn't give a fuck about him and that's why he tells him bc we know this guy's self-worth is awful #but i also like to think it's because zoro's views on life and death are exactly what sanji needs #luffy would try to look for a way to fix this and they others wouldn't be able to do it tbh #i mean if it ever got too serious i think luffy could do it but do you really think sanji's gonna make him go through that #if zoro has to die he wants to die by luffy's hand but if sanji has to die he wants to die without involving their captain #idk if that makes sense okay i haven't slept at all tbf #one piece #black leg sanji #roronoa zoro #zosan

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ganondoodle · 9 months ago

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you know, i had a totk thought (uh oh)

soemthign thats really bothering me about the whole "actually, ganondorf didnt like the guy appearing out of nowhere marrying a hylian and just saying yep das our kingdom now and we can mine it barren under your nose and also i got laserbeam pebbles that i totally wont ever use on anyone come join me or die just bc of all of that but mainly bc the guy brought some weird tech with him that he dont like" - thing is that ......... we see almost not a single tech thing in the past (and for that matter see nothing of the oh so perfect and peaceful paradise hyrule was before big evil desert man didnt want to join our paradise- like what is the point about making the whole point of the game be -we need to restore hyrule to this paradise it once was- when you dont even see it or get to care about anything of it)

it might sound like a weird hangup but no really, the most we see is like two servant constructs, thats it, when they 'prepare for war' im pretty sure all you see is some lightly dressed ( ... is it just me or does their whole get up look alot like native american/other indingenous people too ... i still dont know how to feel about that- kinda adjacent to some of the sonau armor, the battery one i think??, also having that look...) hylians with spears, where the heck is all that tech?? is it implied to be all down in the mines hollowing out the underground (for no real reason either bc .... theres only two sonau left and no one else seems to want use nor need the tech otherwise there should have been more traces or soemthing left of it -unless it all just magically appeared out of nowhere in mostly prime condition while all shiekah tech jsut vaporized for bs non reasons just for it to be in tha game but oh dont you see its always been there lmao- so whats the point really????)

or up in the sky as most battle constructs are and they cant get them down in time bc *gestures vaguely*

or is it intentionally kept out of view bc idk seeing an army of robots on raurus side he can send out on a whim might not make him look as oh so good and perfect as they want him to look when he already got laserbeam pebbles (most of which hes been hoarding until ONE falls into hands not under his control) ?? like it just ... feels weird?? so many battle constructs that can even be a threat to link are jsut fully functioning strolling around in the present still, why wouldnt you want to use any of them to battle gan and if they DID why wouldnt you show that (no the 3 second unicorn cutscene doesnt count bc its just .. gan and his monsters isnt it) ?? (also ... why isnt there a big like battle ground , like fine you dont have to animate an army of monsters and robots clashing but... wouldnt it be cool to have you discover a giant flat plain in the underground (that magically got put under ground like gan just decided to stroll down there to get sealed lol) and its the only mostly empty field in the game littered with thousands of monster bones and dead constructs intermingled?? just to give it all a bit of weight?? evidence that it happened?? cool ass discovery????)

(also also i cannot let go of ganondorf apparently being sooooo anti tech but then clamgan uses the shiekah stuff??? shouldnt he also be against that then or is that suddendly fine bc- oh woops sorry, forgot clamgan is actually just something, not connected to gan at all actually, i mean why else would miasma turn into malice only to turn into miasma again haha none of that is connected actually what is a calamity anyway? also im sorry to bring this up again but i just cannot let go of the ppl in the present being so obsessed with using sonau tech in every part of their life now- they just lived through an apocalypse of a barely understood strange tech but CLEARLY this other even less understood strang tech is not dangerous at all lets make CARS OUT OF IT and what theres no danger in miasma and that tech existing at the same time LIKE SOMETHING ELSE BEFORE THAT IDK SEEMS LIKE A BAD COMBO--- oh sorry forgot that ceased to exist in both the world and peoples minds for *gestures vaguely* plot reasons- why why why are monsters mining the sonanium?? they dont even work with the yiga no that is also completely disconnected we dont wanna draw and interesting connections after all- whats the point if it means nothing but to be a loot box for the player-- actually, so much of totk is just a so built around throwing you into a box of toys with no substance to it- listen i know games are kinda like toys but if it doesnt make sense and offers you nothing interesting to think about even slightly whAT IS THE POINT)

#ganondoodles talks #zelda #ganondoodles rants #totk #like not to make myself sound like a better writer ............ BUT #in my rewrite rauru does that also to suck the life out of the desert more and more to force the gerudo to be depended on their trade #to both pressure them and force them better into submission #bc of the whole plot point (in my rewrite) that rauru came from the underground with his dying people bc they discovered warnings of old #about the king of a deserts nation becoming a horrible world destryoing monster and so plotting with sonia to get gan secretly sealed #and by doing that rauru seals his own fate (rauru dies and its his stone that gets taken) like the fairytale prophecy thing making people-#-do exactly what leads to it while trying to avoid it #bc gan finds out and plots against it #-ANYWAY #when i see other people talk i need to talk again even if i make little sense

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callixton · 7 months ago

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i think the thing to understand abt martha jones is that even after she leaves she is five seconds away from dropping everything and traveling with the doctor at any given time. bc that itch to blow everything up and damn her personal duty to hell in search of a higher call never leaves her. but martha is smart. and rational. and has spent a long fucking time needing to keep herself safe. (bc he comes when she calls but never before.) and so she has gotten very good at keeping herself on the right side of those five seconds. but i do think if ten was a different person (if he could acknowledge how much he needed her instead of just how much he liked her) (if he didn’t feel this righteous martyrdom when it comes to being left alone) (if he cared enough about her to beg. if he cared enough about himself.) i think that her answer no would come crumbling down pretty quickly is all.

#MARTHA JONES’ TWISTED SENSE OF DUTY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME #there is soo much nuance to this. obviously. and it really varies depending on when exactly in his run we’re talking #but me personally. i don’t think that martha was ever satisfied with the way things ended between them. i think she made peace with it!#but i don’t think she was satisfied and i don’t think she ever could be #which is also why i have slowly come around to her and mickey. even tho i think it IS very pair the spares in a way i don’t like #i do think they make sense together. in a genuine way and also in a you’re the closest i’ll get to what i want. you’re good on your own but #- you’re also the next best thing. and we don’t need to say this out loud bc we both know and it wouldn’t ruin anything by admitting it but #- it sure as hell wouldn’t feel good either #it’s not even like. directly about the doctor/rose here is the thing. it’s about the life he let them lead with him #which i guess is the crux of this. i think martha is capable of moving on from her Feelings for the doctor. but never her feelings about him #yknow. does that make sense. if anyone knows that the doctor is a symbol it’s martha #i don’t think she’s always in love with him. i think she was. tho my opinions on that r complicated hashtag tenmartha qpr BUT #but the IDEA of him? the idea which shaped her into a completely different person? i don’t think she will ever not want that back @ her core #she’s just too loyal to everyone besides herself to admit that. 😐#ok it’s 4 am i have been rambling abt this for fifteen minutes so sorry if it doesn’t make sense but i have FEELINGS ABT HER !!#ted talks #martha jones #doctor who

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thatbitchery · 2 days ago

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Can you please make a post on how you work with your adhd instead of against it? Especially in studying and focusing.

Of course. Of course I can. And I will.

So the thing is I figured out the problem isn't that i cant focus, is that I can't focus on one thing for long enough. For as long as I need to to get tangible work done, but after sometime I will come back to it. The problem was that when I lost focus on the important things (Studies, work, cleaning, etc) I went to the things that were not important or even destructive (Scrolling, chatting, movies). Problem no.2, I need to be excited about it. I could have all the time in the world but If I'm not excited about it I won't touch it. It has to be interesting to me. It had to get my dopamine and adrenaline running. It has to be FUN. I have to want to. Problem no3. Sometimes I start out wanting to and excited and fun and the halfway I get bored.

So what does a badbitch do? A bad bitch Manipulates the variables to her favor. What am I? Im a bad bitch. So I bad bitch.

Like I said, I love myself. Which is to say I'm constantly working in my favor for me with me. Instead of dealing with them as problems I just deal with them as variables and like I was s scientist.

Variable no.1: the problem isn't I can focus- I do. Matter of fact,I hyperfixate. The problem is I don't always get to choose what I focus on.

What do I do then? Provide a wide array of things I would want to focus on at the same time and bombard my life with them and only them. Animals react to their environment and spend their whole life trying to make sense of it so that's that. I'll create an environment where ONLY the things I want to focus on are available to choose from, so it won't matter exactly what I'm focused on bc I am ultimately focused on a thing I want to focus on (and of course, getting rid of the things I don't want to focus on. Like social Media. That way no matter where my focus lands, it's fine.

Variable no.2: I need to be excited about it. Like shaking with anticipation. It needs to be fun. What do I do? I make it fun. I fill my time with other fun things that I have learned over time I am a geek about that have withstood the text of time. Machines. Psychology. Music. Physics. Mythology. Spirituality. Metaphysics. Fiction. Pavlov'd myself so hard the second I even see any of them I immediately get excited. I fill my space up with that. The courses I study. The hobbies I have. The ooks in my house. In my phone. My circles. My life mostly.

Variable no.3- Sometimes it loses the excitement and I can almost not go back. Well emotions are finite resources you can, in fact, run out- and I do just that. I use up all my fun deposits when I choose to have fun I go all out, in whatever way feels pleasing to me. I will spend a whole damn week deep diving because I felt like it then I'll use up that fun resource and I can function at 'normal' at least as normal as I can get. And because I am geek about it it adds up. And thing is, if i wear out the fun resource of A I have B to fall back on which is also something I need to focus on. Like if I can't bring myself to study communication okay I fall back to theology. If I hyperfixate on theology and forget everything else that's okay I'll run out of fun with it and fall back on Aeronautical Engineering- all things I want to focus on. If I lose fun in A there's always B and then C and then D and then E. I'm good.

This is the closest I could get to an explanation. This also only works because(/ is complimented by) :

When my focus falls on A I go ALL OUT on A. Above and beyond. I'll spend 10 hours studying one thing or perfecting my work so when my focus falls off I've gotten a decent amount of it done to cover for when I can't. When I go in I go INNNNN. I'll shut the whole world out esp in studies and work and it works because my information retention is pretty good.

No part of my living is dependent on what I do. I got my degrees because I actually wanted to study them not for work idc. I don't draw my living from employment and I only work for filing taxes and for my visa. SO if i slack off okay fire me idk. But I also make sure when I do work I'm good for it so my slacking can be passed over. If I fail exams (embarrassing af) its okay I don't exactly need the degree what will I do with my diploma in Theology? Be a pastor? I study it because it's fun and I'm curious, so although I would rather die before I fail it does not impact me much if I do. I'm not hard on myself because my survival does not depend on it. I spent all my teens and early 20s making sure my survival will never depend on employment.

CBT and therapy did help a lot, especially CBT. It's not as severe as it used to be.

Diet. Lifestyle, more of. No sugars no- You know the ADHD diet. No social media no empty mental calories no all that. I make it really really hard to get caught up in bs.

I'm also academically gifted so there's that.

I'm great at multitasking I can do 4 things at the same time and do them well. I'm posting and studying and working and chatting rn.

Narcissism and a God complex that tells me I can do whatever I put my mind to and I have proven it right for a whole decade.

Chances this helped? low. But it's the best I can do.

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possamble · 9 months ago

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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

#asks #she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too #with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect #and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive #but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards #I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi #you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent #and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too #not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat #but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment #and regrets it deeply #and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear #and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed #I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just #immediately arrives in Melini #and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out #and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille #on account of the crimes and all #marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down #'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood #but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear #and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately #it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking #and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance #marcilleposting #marcille donato #junoposting

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thormanick · 10 months ago

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All the Kavetham/Haikaveh ideas I don't have capacity to currently write, a very detailed list:

(Which I am humbly placing here before you. Be warned: this post is an incredibly long one!)

1. Fatui!Kaveh AU, where the night before the meeting happens between Kaveh and Alhaitham at the tavern, Kaveh gets a deal from Fatui representatives to work on a huge project in Snezhnaya. Kaveh is sceptical about it, but decides to accept the offer during the dialogue with Alhaitham (seeing himself as a burden, Kaveh decides that he will cause more trouble to Alhaitham than the Fatui, thus he decides to accept their offer even if it seems too good to be true). He tells Alhaitham about his decision to leave for Snezhnaya, and so the two relatively amicably/peacefully part their ways (not without Alhaitham testing Kaveh's reasoning a bit, but Kaveh's resolve remains strong).

And so, Kaveh leaves for Snezhnaya, where he gets to work on several huge projects for the next several years under Sandrone. Most of them are related to construction, engineering and reverse-engineering of Khaenri'ahn and Khaenri'ah-inspired technology, and he gets barely any time to work on his personal projects (he's overworked and exhausted and doesn't get much time and opportunity to be creative; however, the payments are good and he's on his way to getting out of debt, which is practically the sole reason driving him forward. The projects get progressively more complicated and, in a way, unhinged - engineering military equipment is alright, but working with the remains of Khaenri'ahn technology, dead gods and such proves to be... mentally taxing. Everything happens very gradually though, so Kaveh does not immediately notice the true scale of where the Fatui are ready to go to achieve certain goals). Kaveh doesn't really like the work environment of the Fatui, but he does his best (the Harbingers creep him out whenever he gets to see them on a rare official occasion (he might specifically dislike Pantalone because the Harbinger keeps picking at him for his debt, given a chance), but Sandrone's a decent boss who is somewhat encouraging and invested in his work and personal projects. She might be especially interested in Mehrak's existence and operation). Overall, everything goes quite smoothly for Kaveh, even if he doesn't feel quite at home in Snezhnaya and is aware of how dangerous the Fatui can be. He does not consider himself to be paranoid, but the other shoe has to drop at some point - and that happens when the new Acting Grand Sage of Sumeru gets to visit Snezhnaya on a diplomatic mission (aka: Kaveh reconnects with Alhaitham & Co for the first time in what feels like forever). The situation gets complicated when Kaveh realizes that Sandrone encourages the reestablishment of his connection with Alhaitham specifically - and she never encourages an action if she doesn't directly contribute from it.

Feelings, emotions and shenanigans ensue.

TLDR: Kaveh's doing his best despite being restricted in his ways of work, prevented from realizing most of his creative projects and slowly but surely building emotional walls around himself because Fatui and Snezhnaya; Sandrone being a kind of decent boss with sorta good work ethic but horrendous morals who is not exactly a good influence on Kaveh's idealistic tendencies and guilt complex; Fatui being contextually horrifying but kinda normal coworkers if you don't look at them too close; Alhaitham trying his best as a political figure (Nahida help him) while also trying to get Kaveh to return home with him (because he misses him); the main conflict revolving around Kaveh and his life choices with Sandrone and Alhaitham being kind of foils to each other (with Sandrone gradually destroying Kaveh's idealistic morals and playing on his guilt to get the most out of his potential as an innovator, and with Alhaitham actively trying to resolve Kaveh's guilt and show him that, despite their arguments, Kaveh's idealism still has place in the world and can co-exist with other philosophies). There might or might not be some macguffin-esque Deshret relic that both Akademia and Fatui hunt for that eventually brings the whole crew back to Sumeru. Kaveh might or might not get a chance to meet a fragment of Deshret's spirit within the mentioned relic. But there definitely will be a happy end for everyone here (Deshret will make sure of it).

2. Calamity!AU. The new Cataclysm comes, enveloping all Seven Nations, and so Sumeru does its best to survive. The cities are ruined, and the people gather together in random places to survive. Alhaitham gets to live within one of the settlements, established by the Akademiya. While trying to survive the first wave of the new Calamity, he is also looking for Kaveh; after an argument between the two the architect left for an expedition to the Desert, right before the new Calamity began. Unfortunately, the news comes that his group should have been around Tunigi Hollow - one of the spots in Sumeru where the first wave of the new Calamity hit the hardest. There is no concrete information on whether Kaveh's group survived or not. Alhaitham, not loosing hope, does his best to find any information on Kaveh's whereabouts, but due to Sumeru becoming extremely dangerous to traverse and disjointed as a result of the new Calamity, the search stretches out for almost a decade.

One day Alhaitham helps a caravan, traversing the forests to get to one of the settlements, to fight off the monsters. Unexpectedly, Kaveh turns out to be one of the members of the caravan. Their reunion is almost cut short by the caravan's need to keep going, but Alhaitham convinces Kaveh to join him instead. The two return to the new Sumeru city settlement, where Alhaitham lives and works under the watch of Akademiya and Lord Kusanali. It appears that during his years of travels around the destroyed Sumeru Kaveh learned new ways of architectural construction that would be more efficient against the monsters, born by the Calamity. He also seems to behave quite differently, hardened by the experiences of the past years. Alhaitham proposes for Kaveh to stay with him in the city, and Kaveh accepts. The feelings, new routines, dealings with the changed versions of each other and attempts to find new pace of life in the new world ensue.

TLDR: The world might be ending and impossible to live in, but even so each new day is brighter when the person one loves is by their side.

3. Another Cataclysm!AU, where Kaveh and Alhaitham get assigned separate missions in the grander scheme of things created to prevent the coming of a new Calamity. The plan succeeds and the world remains safe, but not without heavy losses: amongst many others, Kaveh does not survive while carrying out his mission.

Decades pass as Alhaitham goes through his grieving process. Eventually, one evening on the anniversary of the Calamity's prevention, Alhaitham wanders to a place he and Kaveh used to visit together. A Ley Line disruption occurs, and he gets to see a glimpse of Kaveh through it. They have a conversation; the Ley Line apparition (a memory of Kaveh) is convinced that Alhaitham is from the future, and so they talk a lot about the Calamity, whether it was prevented, and about each other's futures. Alhaitham can't bring himself to tell Kaveh that he does not survive the Calamity, but he does tell Kaveh that his architectural legacy lives on. Kaveh commends Alhaitham on his achievements (though not an acting grand sage for a very long time, Alhaitham kept playing an important role throughout Sumeru's history, helping to keep it safe).

Eventually, their time runs out. Ley Line disorder starts gradually disappearing. Alhaitham urges Kaveh to be careful and stay safe, knowing that the Calamity (on Kaveh's side) is yet to come. Kaveh laughs and tells him that on his side, Alhaitham just told him the same words after they finished the debriefing session, related to the Calamity. He says that he was feeling very nervous, but that seeing future-Alhaitham made him convinced that they are on the right path.

And so, the Ley Line disorder disappears. Alhaitham spends some more time at the spot before returning home. Despite painful memories having been brought up, his heart feels a bit lighter.

TLDR: closure comes unexpectedly, takes many forms and does not erase the pain in an instant, but, nevertheless, it heals.

4. AU! where Kaveh and Alhaitham are both magical birds that can transform into humans (and half-humans).

They live together in the depths of Sumeru forest - a domain of a long lost God of Wisdom. Kaveh's feathers are rumoured to bring blessings, while Alhaitham's feathers, on the contrary, are said to bring bad luck or even curses. Humans, living at the edge of magical forest, kinda worship them, but also prefer not to interact with them, primarily because Alhaitham is not happy when others trespass on his lands, and because searching for Kaveh is extremely hard (he's often off working on his projects deep within the forest), and the magical forest is very dangerous on its own. So, the humans build their cities outside of the Sumeru forest, and Alhaitham and Kaveh peacefully live together in the depths of it.

Despite Kaveh and Alhaitham living together for a long time, their opinions on humanity are diametrically opposed: Alhaitham barely tolerates humans, finding them to be reckless, meddling, cowardly and deceitful; Kaveh, on the contrary, finds humans to be creative, inspiring, free and beautiful in their own way. Throughout the years, Kaveh manages to build somewhat of an amicable relationship with the humans, living at the edge of the forest: he learns more about their traditions and arts, while the humans receive his guidance and blessings in various matters of living, craftsmanship and arts. Eventually, Kaveh's knowledge and magical powers catch the eye of Lord Sangemah Bay, who resides in and governs one of the bigger settlements at the forest's border. She makes a deal with Kaveh that, despite providing him with valuable (in his eyes) experience of working with humans on some of his grandest architectural projects, costs him a lot - meaning he has to give away lots of his blessed feathers, which makes his remaining magic much weaker (and generally undermines his health for a bit). Alhaitham is not a huge fan of such approach (in his eyes, Kaveh is wasting his powers and time for nothing, endangering himself), and so a conflict between him and Kaveh breaks. As a result, Kaveh flees their home, secluding himself while he's focusing on other projects he finds curious. Kaveh keeps working with humans, and though Alhaitham certainly keeps an eye on Kaveh's wellbeing, he does not make it easy for humans to reach him. So what if there are new random magical seals, obstacles, almost-traps and riddles appearing here and there when people try to get to Kaveh? It's a magical forest, things happen! (Kaveh knows that Alhaitham does this on purpose, and Alhaitham knows that Kaveh knows, and it leads to them indirectly, and then directly bickering and arguing. The magical forest quite possibly grows very tired of them. Their friends Tighnari and Cyno certainly do, but alas.)

The new equilibrium, found by Alhaitham and Kaveh, is challenged once more when Kaveh leaves to the Lord Sangemah Bay's city to direct yet another one of his grand projects. They do not see each other for a long while. Despite all the challenges, Kaveh's relationship with Dori gradually grows stronger - the two value their partnership - and Kaveh ends up making friends amongst humans. However, not everyone is happy about Lord Sangema Bay's growing friendship with the "deity of blessings" personified. As some people come to despise her for her wealth, influence and ever growing power, so do they come to despise the bird of paradise.

When the project is complete, the time for celebration comes. Kaveh gets to attend a feast by Dori's side as a guest of honour, and is invited to stay the night in her palace before returning to the forest. Kaveh agrees: he's been spending all his days and nights at the building site, and resting a night before returning home would be nice. As the night goes on, however, Kaveh begins to feel weary and unwell - the new type of wine he was served did him no good. He excuses himself early for the night and, as soon as he gets to his bed, he's out cold.

After an undetermined amount of time (in what appears to be the middle of the night), Kaveh wakes up because of immense pain in his back.

As he gradually comes to his senses, he has a horrible realization: one of his wings was cut off when he was asleep. Alerting the guards and Dori yields no results: the intruder escaped, presumably with Kaveh's wing, and there are no traces of them left. While Kaveh gets immediately attended to, he goes in shock and, eventually, loses consciousness.

When the messengers form the city arrive to the forest, Alhaitham receives them reluctantly at first, but as soon as he hears of what happened, he rushes to the city. He ends up taking Kaveh back to the forest, hoping that its healing magic will help restore his wing. However, nothing seems to work: neither spells, nor the powers of nature, not even Tighnari's medicine. Though the wound is slowly healing, Kaveh remains unconscious for days. To get more information on what happened, Alhaitham returns to the city to question Dori together with Cyno (who's also to continue the investigation within the city once Alhaitham returns home), while Tighnari stays with Kaveh.

Though the questioning concludes that Dori knows nothing and is willing to assist in the search of the perpetrator, Cyno concludes that she was not thorough enough in ensuring Kaveh's safety and overall security of the celebration in general, revealing that Dori recklessly cut corners here and there. Furious, Alhaitham leaves Dori his cursed feather, giving her an ultimatum: she has to find the perpetrator and give them to Alhaitham to deal the final punishment. Until then, her city is doomed to slowly crumble into decay and oblivion. Dori accepts the deal.

Alhaitham returns to the forest to look after Kaveh, while Cyno remains in the city to continue the search. When Alhaitham comes back, Kaveh is finally awake. However, he remains extremely closed-off, practically a shadow of himself. The recovery process is slow and challenging, but Alhaitham does his best to support Kaveh in all ways that matter. Kaveh struggles with healing: the loss of a wing affected not only his body, but also his mental state and magic. He cannot transform, he can barely use any of his magical skills, and he cannot fly anymore, which hurts him most of all. It takes a while for Kaveh to get on his feet (quite literally), even longer to finally leave his room. He also feels guilty for being in Alhaitham's care, because he remembers all of the Alhaitham warnings about the humans he didn't listen to, and so lots of internal conflict ensues.

Meanwhile Alhaitham does all he can to try and navigate the situation. He looks after Kaveh's healing process; brings back his blueprints and equipment from Kaveh's place so that he has enough to work with if he wishes; he also (to the best of his ability) remodels their home to make it more accessible to Kaveh. Given that their natural method of moving around their house was flying (whether in form of birds of half-humans), Alhaitham now implements more adjustments for walking or climbing. (When Kaveh feels good enough to leave his room, he's amazed by what Alhaitham managed to achieve. He also helps fix some of the constructions, given he's the one with the experience in architecture.) Alhaitham and Kaveh grow closer, slowly unpacking and mending their relationship, turning it into something new and beautiful.

At the same time, Alhaitham continues to watch the forest borders - to make sure that no intruders interrupt Kaveh's recovery and their peaceful life together. One day he notices an interesting sight: a small, but beautiful shrine appeared right by the forest. He decides to investigate; upon approaching the shrine, he meets Nilou (whom he saw in the palace when he visited Dori). She explains to him that, after he and Kaveh left the city, a group of people decided to organize a shrine, dedicated to Kaveh, to pray for his recovery. Nilou explains that in their eyes it's the least they can offer for all the help that their city received in the past and as amends for the pain they have caused. Alhaitham warns her not to get any closer to the forest, but the action of people leaves a lasting impression on him.

Meanwhile, Cyno's investigation progresses. Cyno writes to Alhaitham that together with Dori they managed to find and capture the perpetrator. Questioning reveals no useful information, but Cyno suspects that there might be more to the attack on Kaveh than they anticipated. To uphold his end of the deal Alhaitham goes to the city to deliver the punishment to the attacker and to undo the curse he put on Dori's city. Before he leaves, Kaveh, scared of what might happen to Alhaitham, sews into his cloak a blessed feather for protection (because Alhaitham wouldn't accept it outright). While Alhaitham is away, Kaveh begins working on a new project: a mechanical wing.

When Alhaitham gets to the city, he is led to the cell where the attacker is being held. Cyno and Dori are by his side for the final questioning. The man - a mere mortal (with strange red-ish eyes), one of Dori's citizens - keeps talking in circles, making less and less sense with each new word. Alhaitham lets Cyno and Dori go before rendering the punishment. When the curse (one of Alhaitham's darkest yet) is finally prepared, suddenly, the tables are turned. The perpetrator attacks Alhaitham, but his movements seem unnatural, almost like those of a puppet. Alhaitham realizes, that the man is being controlled by someone with prowess for strong, incredibly dark magic that seems similar to that of the Desert. The strange puppet manages to overpower Alhaitham in a fight, but cannot harm him (due to the protection from Kaveh's feather). The perpetrator manages to escape, taking with him Alhaitham's cursed feather (they seemed to be pleased to receive it. Alhaitham fears to think what they will use it for).

Dori and Cyno pick up the investigation, with Cyno going straight to the Desert. Dori begins reinforcing the city (her people discover that Alhaithams curse (now lifted) awakened Miasma deep under the ground. The Miasma begins to slowly spread, seemingly in the direction of the Sumeru Forest). Cyno sends back a message, confirming that strong and dark magic seems to be gathering within the Desert, possibly for the purpose of destroying the magical forest.

Alhaitham manages to get back to Kaveh and tell him of what happened in the city. In order to be able to protect the forest together with Alhaitham, Kaveh doubles down on his efforts to create a mechanical working wing. Everything works, besides the golden feathers - they need to be blessed in order to allow the mechanism to work as intended, but Kaveh does not have enough power for it. Alhaitham takes a risk and brings the feathers to the shrine, created by Nilou and other humans, so that they could bless them for Kaveh. (They are short of one feather eventually, and Alhaitham gives Kaveh one of his own, his first blessed feather, to complete the wing.)

TLDR: Kaveh works on restoring his wing and faith in himself and humanity; Alhaitham learns that humanity is not always evil. Dori and Cyno discover that the escaped perpetrator (caugh controlled by Dottore caugh) used Kaveh to get to Alhaitham to gain his cursed feather for completing some sort of ancient ritual to unseal the forbidden knowledge magic deep within the Desert in roder to unleash it on the magical forest, slumbering God of Wisdom and human cities. Kaveh learns to curse his feathers (while opposing Dottore in a final fight), and Alhaitham learns to bless his. Humans and Sumeru Forest continue to coexist peacefully. Alhaitham and Kaveh live together happily ever after.

5. Pacific Rim!AU, where Kaveh and Alhaitham used to be pilots of a Jaeger, but during one of their battles they suffered too much damage. In order to save Alhaitham and what remains of their Jaeger, Kaveh takes most of the damage by severing already unstable connection between Alhaitham and Jaeger's system. Both barely survive the encounter, but meanwhile Alhaitham manages to recover fast, the damage Kaveh has taken leaves him in a critical condition, eventually resulting in him being unable to ever pilot a Jaeger ever again (and putting many new restraints on his usual daily life).

As soon as Kaveh comes to his senses, the two have a huge fight about Kaveh's rash decision, and eventually break off their friendship. They don't see each other for a long, long time.

As the time goes on, Kaveh learns how to live with the changes that his body sustained with the help of his service dog Mehrak. Eventually he takes on a job at one of the Jaeger construction facilities (together with his friend Tighnari), studying Kaiju and creating new Jaeger modifications - though no Kaiju has been seen in the past several years, the world is still afraid of their return.

When the suspicion of the new Kaiju appearance arises, new pilot recruits and ex-pilots are summoned to the facility. There, Kaveh meets Alhaitham for the first time in years. After their fallout, Alahitham resigned from piloting Jaegers, yet now he had no choice but to return to train new recruits (and possibly resume his role of a Jaeger pilot). Now once again the two have to work together as a part of a team in face of approaching danger, trying to resolve their past conflicts and overcome their fears and insecurities along the way (when deep down they simply want to keep each other safe).

TLDR: Kaveh & service animal Mehrak is a neat concept I'd love to see more of, just as a concept in general. I think this one could be an interesting story idea centered mostly around Kaveh's day to day life. Additionally, Alhaitham who used to be only drift compatible with Kaveh but now suddenly discovers he's drift compatible with Cyno. I need more Cyno & Alhaitham camaraderie I think it would do them lots of good (at least in this specific AU setting lol).

6. Oxenfree!AU where Kaveh and Alhaitham are two ex-best friends turned reluctant coworkers (photo-journalist and journalist respectively) working on writing a piece about the disappearances of a group of teenagers that happened at the Edwards Island several years prior (timeline somewhere between the first and the second games). The radio shenanigans ensue, making the two face their past, possible futures and, most importantly, their present. (In Oxenfree tuning into certain radio sequences can temporarily mess up time-space shenanigans, just fyi).

TLDR: I just think that this setting could facilitate some character exploration that would be very fun.

7. Modern MermanKaveh!AU, post-fallout, where it's a little bit more about haunting Alhaitham (and the narrative), than being a merman. Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances, Kaveh drowns one day, trying to save someone from the water. Due to an unfortunate set of circumstances, he doesn't really die, being stuck in between (existence and death, normal life and the necessity to live in water). Kaveh manages, for quite a while even!

But of course Alhaitham has to come back and turn his world upside down once again.

TLDR: can you tell Alhaitham's quote about drowning stuck with me huh (and I made it literal lol). On a serious note... Idk, vibes??? I want to see the "stuck in the middle" Kaveh, whatever that entails. Some existential explorations. And the development of his relationship with Alhaitham, of course. // Kaveh is a merman unable to fully live the life he used to have, and Alhaitham doesn't know that he survived (for a while), alternatively "let me help to save you from metaphorical and literal drowning" Alhaitham and "I learned to live like this, this is what my norm now looks like" Kaveh.

8. Another Modern MermanKaveh!AU/DrownedGhostKaveh!AU, because I apparently have no self-control (I feel like I should also clarify that whenever I mention a mermaid, I think of them more as of ghosts of drowned people and less as mermaids-mermaids, the half-human half-marine creature ones). This idea was initially prepared for chili/zhongchi but it's been sooooooooooooooooooo long and I still haven't done anything substantial for it so I'm borrowing it from myself for myself and tweaking it for kavetham because I figured it could fit them. So here it goes,

Alhaitham is a scientist/marine biologist that moves from the city to a much smaller port town, getting himself a place in a local partially repurposed lighthouse. Kaveh is a merman, who has been dead for a long while and who's been living within local waters ever since he drowned. Alhaitham leads a very isolated life, going through a rather rough patch emotionally (maybe a badly ended past relationship and relocation from an established group of friends to a remote place brought up past negative emotions related to loss that were bottled up for a while. who knows, not me). Anyways, Alhaitham's not doing too well, but seaside walks help him unwind, even if for a short periods of time. During one of such walks, he finds an old pendant washed ashore. He picks up his find, hoping to do some research on it outside of his work time (because research is his fun-time).

He expects this to be a brief excursion into local history. He does not expect to become haunted by the ghost of a man to whom this pendant belonged to way back when.

Kaveh, in turn, is extremely excited to finally, finally be able to get out of the sea to the surface. He intends to stay ashore as long as possible and, well, if he just so gets to amuse himself by haunting a grumpy marine biologist that refuses to believe in merpeople, ghosts of drowned and other supernatural occurences - who's he to say no?

TLDR: this AU can go two ways (in my eyes): the happy ending way and probably more gothic-horror-story-esque ending. So, Alahitham is cursed to be haunted by Kaveh: for a while he's the only one who can see him, with Kaveh being something akin to a ghost. However, the longer Kaveh haunts Alhaitham, the more human he becomes (others can see him, he cannot phase through walls anymore, etc.). The curse in itself goes something like this: the cursed thing, after being picked up/taken in, cannot be thrown away and will always come back. The ghost, tied to the haunted thing, shall haunt whoever picks the cursed thing (the thing should be tied to the ghost, but may not necessarily belong to them) and drain their life energy. The ghost can become free and human again if the haunting goes long enough and they kill the human who picked the cursed object in the end during a very specific time that doesn't occur too often (proverbial blue moon, idk). If they don't kill the human and decide to let them go, then the ghost will seize to exist and the human will regain their strength. (An alternative option to the ghost dying for a less angsty au: the ghost voluntarily takes back the cursed object and returns to the place where they died, but then they will never be able to haunt anyone ever again. The effect of the curse on the haunted remain, but much weaker).

In this case, let's say Kaveh and Alhaitham stay by each other's side from half a year to a year, idk. They grow closer, eventually becoming friends and maybe more (the usual kavetham shenanigans Kaveh falls first but Alhaitham falls harder). Alhaitham's mental state gradually improves, yet overall he becomes weaker because of the curse (to the point that it becomes a serious concern), which Kaveh blames himself for. The appointed time approaches (both Kaveh and Alhaitham are in on the details of the curse), and Kaveh, seeing it as an opportunity to set Alhaitham free, manages to separate himself from Alhaitham. Kaveh is ready to return to the sea/merge with it (ah yes the classic Little Mermaid influence does anybody feel it lol). However, Alhaitham sees through his plan and arrives just in time to stop him. They have a confrontation. Eventually, they manage to lift the curse (as you can see I have not figured out exactly how this can happen but! it definitely can!) with Kaveh becoming human again and Alhaitham regaining his health. The two continue to live together happily ever after.

The other scenario is practically the same, but it's more ghothic? and abstract (and probably more suitable for the og pairing it was made for, but i'll throw it in anyways). I have not engaged with gothic literature much and thus don't have much experience in how it works/how to write it, but the idea is that Kaveh is more of a projection of Alhaitham's grief than a ghost fo a drowned person (in other words, he's definitely a ghost, but his presence is also much more symbolical). The story follows quite similar beats, except the setting of the curse is a bit different: it's more of a "kill first or be killed" thingy with a deadline. Kaveh earnestly tries to drown Alhaitham at first through various means, but the more time they spend together, the more Kaveh sees of Alhaitham's life and pain and feels sympathetic for him. Despite the curse, Kaveh tires to help Alhaitham in various ways; and it works! Alhaitham gradually begins to feel better; the two grow closer to each other (more in a platonic way).

So now the precedent is that though Alhaitham's overall doing better, the curse still preys on him, hindering his life in various ways that become more and more serious/dangerous (the curse's deadline approaches, and it tries to survive the best way it can through Kaveh's influence on Alhaitham). Eventually, Kaveh lets Alhaitham go, merging with the sea (once again, yes, it was partially inspired by the Little Mermaid). Alhaitham realizes what happened and tries to look for Kaveh, but it is in vain.

Eventually, life goes on.

Bonus Elden Ring AU (because guess who suddenly went on a lore video watching spree): Kaveh is a craftsman and one of the inhabitants of Castle Morne who managed to escape before it was overrun by Misbegotten. He's a follower of St. Trina and Miquella (he doesn't follow Miquella at first, but slowly he comes to suspect that the two are one and the same). After escaping from Castle Morne, he finds his way to Jarburg, where he is welcomed to stay and be the new Potentate.

Alhaitham is from a distant branch of Carian royal family and a scholar at the Academy of Raya Lucaria. Quite possibly explored an area of studies similar to Sellen's. Eventually he separates himself from both Academy and his family, becoming a wandering scholar.

The two meet somewhere nearby Jarburg when Kaveh gets ambushed by the same people who were trying to get to Alhaitham. The two fight them off. Kaveh, trying to help injured Alhaitham, leads him to Jarburg. The two continue living together there ever since (not without hiccups, but they're doing their best).

TLDR: this one is short and very simple because I just started diving into the Elden Ring's lore, but I just. Really wanted to make some AU for them. I also desperately wanted it to be peaceful and happy one despite it being a seeming impossibility for anything dark souls/elden ring related, but one can dream. If I were to make this one darker I'd probably expand on the duality of their two characters here, and how Alhaitham probably used to conjure spells on humans (with gaining knowledge being his sole life purpose for a long time) and has challenges with comprehending the world outside of a framework of pure logic, and how Kaveh gets an increasing tendency of escaping to the dream world/wherever Miquella is in order to alleviate his mental turmoil (maybe he witnessed too much during his escape from the Castle), and how the two have opposing perspectives on the idea of worshipping gods, and- like, there's a lot that can be done. But I also just really really really want them to simply be happy together in a jar village, leading a peaceful life.

That's it for now! Thank you for reading all of this, I can't commend your patience enough if you got to the end of this list!!!✨🎉✨

Maybe in the future I will unpack some of these aus. who knows.

#if you made it till the end you're officially a hero #sorry for so many words lol #genshin impact #afinna explores teyvat #genshin impact kaveh #genshin impact alhaitham #kavetham #haikaveh #alhaitham x kaveh #genshin impact writing #genshin impact writing ideas #magical birds au my beloved (can you tell lol)#maybe one day #one day i might write it #i was sure i'd never write the inquisitioner x witch kavetham AU but guess what #istg the first chapter should be ready sometime this year. probably. i hope. i dream of it...#pacific rim au is also something i just cradle gently in my hands. weird apocalyptic-esque setting but make it more a piece of life thing #in order to better unpack the relationships between people and various internal turmoils #and the fatui au!!! i want fatui to be weird menacing coworkers that end up being weirdly decent!!! sometimes!!!#idk i just think kaveh and sandrone could be a great work duo #and just the interactions with others could be sooooo much fun #anyways hope these ideas are. decent #also lowkey i need more dori-kaveh-alhaitham shenanigans #like alhaitham is canonically banned from seeing dori as far as i remember [well. blacklisted from the market or something similar]#granted it's probably bc he's with the Akademiya but like. Are We Sure [glances at Kaveh's debt]#anyways i just think there can be some exploration done here lol #also a hot take probably but. we need more 'Dori the Scary Businesswoman that Seems Inhumane But is Actually Wise'#like I want her to push others to their limits for mutual/personal gain BUT doing so knowing exactly when to stop and not cross the line #she is The Monkey's Paw for people who come to her. anyways i just find her interesting #yay that's it thanks for reading all of it have a great day byeeeeeeeeeeeee!

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stardustdiiving · 1 year ago

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How evil is arlecchino and what is she cooking

As of 4.2, I’m really curious what they’re planning with Arlecchino as a character, especially as a villain/antagonist/morally dubious character, and how far/which direction they may go with that

Intuitively my impression is we’ll see her do something way more “villainous” than she presents herself as being for majority of Fontaine’s AQ in front of us right—(which isn’t a surprise given that, you know, Arlecchino nor the House of Hearth have never been presented as 110% ethical LOL) but I find myself not being in complete agreement with most analysis or speculation threads I see about Arlecchino’s morality and the like, level of sinister people seem to ascribe to her.

Idk how to put it, especially in regards to her children I do agree they are not a wholesome found family, that Arlecchino is not above pulling strings or using them for her own ulterior motives, but I kind of hesitate on the idea she only cares about the Hearth children as a means to the end/things she can control and there’s nothing else going on with her characterization wise there. I’m not saying that impression seems remotely unreasonable or unfounded, but just that it feels there’s something intentionally missing in how we are supposed to conceptualize her as a person

My main reasoning for this hunch is the fact they have not elaborated on Arlecchino and the previous Knave—who Arlecchino is stated to have taken over the position from by force. The extra tidbits I think about are that 1) Arlecchino was previously an orphan in the Hearth 2) the previous Knave is described as way, way crueler to the children of than Heart than Arlecchino was from when she took control of the House

Often, people’s major indicators that the House of the Hearth is kind of super fucked up are the NPCs we meet in world quests who are part of it and clearly suffering. But one thing I haven’t ever seen people mention w this that i think is a very interesting detail is, in The Very Special Fortune Slip Inazuma worldquest, where we stop this House of Hearth guy (Efim Snezhevich) from manufacturing tension between Watasumi/the Shogunate to restart the war with his other Hearth subordinates, at the end of the quest we get this dialogue that reveals he had been acting under the previous Knave’s directives:

It’s also mentioned he’s employing this plan in an attempt to “rebuild the prestige of the Knave” following Signora’s death, iirc? Now, see, the dialogue itself says that this is “assuming our captive is telling the truth” so who knows what’s really going on, but I find this a really odd/interesting thing to highlight. I’m a bit fuzzy on other world quests with Hearth members, and am not saying none of them were acting and subsequently being treated poorly by our Arlecchino, but like, this gives me a lot of questions especially when paired with implications this previous Knave seemed to be way worse

Like, what drove Arlecchino to take over? How unexpected and controversial was this within the House? Assuming the above information is all true it definitely says something this guy went rogue and acted on what the previous Knave would want and didn’t think our Arlecchino would greenlight it, which does feel consistent with the previous Knave being described as basically worse & crueler than our Arlecchino. It also makes me question how much house of hearth things we’ve seen outside the main story are the work of our Arlecchino or if there’s a bigger divide of loyalty. Heck, I could be wrong but it doesn’t even seem like we know if the previous Knave is dead or not

This isn’t me saying Arlecchino couldn’t possibly be treating hearth children worse than she wants us to know, especially ones who aren’t her “favorites” the way the fontaine trio seem to be, but I really don’t feel sure about making a solid conclusion of her exact level of malice the way ppl r generally understanding it rn when it feels there’s going to be more about her. Just the idea of she, as a Hearth child, clashed with the previous leader who was known for being cruel, overtook their position and took on less harsh methods of leading that made at least some members with more power/possible closer proximity to the previous Knave go rogue and try to commit atrocities in the previous Knave’s name…I feel this leaves a lot of room to suggest there’s more going on with how Arlecchino is as a person

I don’t mind if she’s just very evil and deceptive bc if she totally had me fall for thinking she was less evil than she actually was that’s fun tbh. But I feel people suggest that’s all her character could be with no degree of like, “sympatheticness” or deep grey morality and that if her character did go there it would be automatically poor writing and genshin walking back on making a truly evil woman when IDK. I feel you can claim at this point they have left it open ended and it’s never been completely confirmed she’s pure evil. Also sometimes I just get a hunch and feel cautiously confident in Genshin executing certain characters well. Not all characters, just certain ones. Especially given Fontaine’s character writing being very good and a character like Lyney feeling very solid to me when any development with Arlecchino would likely involve him and his siblings as well, I honestly feel open to the idea of Arlecchino being satisfyingly written to be both villainous/morally dubious but “sympathetic/likable as a person” in ways outside of just her ruthlessness if that makes sense

If I’m wrong/they drop the ball with it more than I anticipate I’ll eat my hat but I am pretty excited about her character and which way they decide to go with it. I will say the only potential impression I have of where they’ll go with her has been wondering if it will go in a “cycles of abuse” direction—I’d be surprised if they ever elaborated on Arlecchino’s character especially in how she feels about things and her also growing up as an exploited child of the hearth wasn’t relevant

#arlecchino #see my track record with said hunch with when I feel I should let genshin cook has been #for months truthing my vision of xiao’s speififc brand of internalized dehumanization induced suicidal ideation #and how genshin will one day he will get another quest of sorts thst develops his character towards #the idea he’s allowed to live and enjoy people’s company and this will likely #also come with following through on yaksha lore and when they do this they will do him SO well and it will be peak genshin quest #all of this Months before the existence of perilous trails was even rumored #and then I was soo stubborn xiao would show up in 2023 lantern rite w more character introspection to follow up PT #and also from the first fontsine teaser I was in the trenches for furina bc I felt so confident #the main storyline would handle her very well & if genshin went anywhere near the direction of her #not being a ‘true archon’ & ppl were Wrong if they thought genshin woudlnt take her seriously #and HAHA. WWOOWOOWOWOEOEOOEOEE #I have also been sent into hysteria multiple times bc genshin keeps canonizing my exact ideas of my favorite character dynamics #and often exceeding my expectations that I thought were jsut wishful thinking #yes I predicted exactly how xiao would interact w Venti & zhongli on screen yes I predicted #the exact nature of hat radish friendship no I was wiped out on the floor #by nahida enrolling wanderer in college & calling him hat guy & zhongli saving xiao’s life #& xiao having hardcore social anxiety from zhongven flirting with each other st the dinner table #this sounds so conceited. see I often don’t know What genshin is cooking but k feel sure in knowing when soemthing is going to be #a shitshow or mediocre or when we need to let them cook. even if it takes 6+ months #TRUST ME <— guy who has been waiting on genshin to cook for several characters for multiple years and is still sure I will get my food #am I crazy. yes. am I also often right when I have hunches on when genshin is going to suck and when it’s going to be good esp character #writing wise. often yes #one day I will annihilate genshined impact with my bare hands #genshin #fern.txt #fandomferns

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