#bc someone already made assumptions on this post:

[raayllum]

*takes your face in my hands* listen to me. listen. sir sparklepuff was created as a christ figure. listen. he was born to die. made to be sacrificed. aaravos is god. a mostly jewish team of protags are fighting against god and pre-determinism. viren is called to sacrifice his son on a hill and it's their subsequent breaking point. aaravos is willing to sacrifice his son. soren is a judas who made the right choice. viren is literally entombed in a cave. listen to me. *crying* what father makes a son just to kill him? 

[daylightstring]

˖˚⊹ ꣑ৎ‎ my success stories so far

disclaimer: i’m posting this just for the sake of sharing my results and hopefully motivating someone 💕. the law is very, very real. it may take some time to fully understand it or make it ‘click,’ but with persistence comes success! no, these aren��t all of my success stories. i don’t want to attach photo results for these bc of privacy reasons obvi.

also, in the nicest way possible, pls don’t constantly message me about this. i am not a coach or anything of the sort, just a person who understands the law well but i still have a life of my own!

˖⋆࿐໋ i. fuller lips. i don’t want to post a before-and-after pic of this for privacy reasons, especially since my future will involve being in the spotlight (🙈). however, @aesaekki can vouch for my results.

what did i do? i listened to this subliminal and simply assumed that my lips were fuller! no ifs, no hows. my reality had no choice but to reflect that back to me. my lips are super full now, similar to aishwarya rai's!

˖⋆࿐໋ ii. airpods. this was probably my first ‘big’ manifestation, and it’s a bit old hahaha (back from my law of attraction phase). i saved a pic of airpods to my pinterest board and forgot about it tbh. i wasn’t even specifically manifesting airpods, but my brother gave me $150 in cash out of nowhere (which was a miracle in itself), and the second miracle was that the airpods went on sale for exactly $150 despite them being around $200 in my country. this was also when there was no sales happening.

˖⋆࿐໋ iii. different eye shape and face shape. i used to have an oblong face shape (19 cm), but now i have a heart-shaped face (around 15 cm)! my eyes were rounder before, but now they’re almond-shaped and much bigger. for this, i had a clear vision of my desired appearance and kept affirming that i already had it. i have a pinterest board called 'feautres' which helps me visualise. i listened to some subs on and off, but my main ‘method’ was just affirming.

˖⋆࿐໋ iv. getting into my desired university. this was a mix of manifestation and hard work! i love school and studied super hard, but my dream university was one of the best in my state, so even my studying might not have been enough. however, i am the exception to every rule. i got into my dream course, and uni has been amazing and honestly so easy so far! the day before acceptance results, my self-concept was super high, i kept reminding myself that i already got in. and i did!

˖⋆࿐໋ v. height increase, weight loss, model body. ok so i’m asian, and my whole life ppl told me i would be short forever. at some point, i internalised it. but after discovering the law, i realized that was just an assumption being forced on me. so i started assuming what i actually wanted!

i also improved my diet and worked out regularly, which definitely helped. i listened to specific subs for the height and weight i wanted. that’s pretty much it. i never beat myself up over this, nor did i ever feel disappointed. i just lived with the confidence that i already had my desired height and body.

˖⋆࿐໋ vi. quantum jumping for my identity shift. this is my favorite success story. i used to be painfully shy, and it wasn’t benefiting me in the slightest. i researched quantum jumping and decided, once and for all, that i was gonna change my entire personality.

i listened to some subs and meditations, which helped, but the real results didn’t come until i found this one meditation. and oh. my. god. i physically felt a bright yellow light pouring down on my body, and when i got up, my hands felt lighter (?). i don’t even know how to describe it.

after that meditation, my life has not been the same. i wanted a personality with the positive traits of blair waldorf, maddy perez, glinda, and jennie kim. that’s exactly how i would describe myself now. and having this new personality has definitely made manifestation easier bc confidence is the elixir for skillful reality creation.

that’s all i feel like sharing for now 💕

i have stories about manifesting money, sp’s, getting desired clothes but those aren’t that ‘major’ imo.

i’ve only been actively practicing the law for about five months. i have bigger manifestations in the works, and i’ll def post a major success story about my life doing a full 180° if i’m still on tumblr. but that’s not really something i want to happen right now hahaha.

again, i hope this motivates u, but pls don’t bombard me with questions about it, i have uni and other things to focus on! i love uuuuu

[coffeegnomee]

Devotions though, I'm back thinking about Spoke's video. When Spoke told them he was scripting the dupe war with parrot: Zam's devastating "it's scripted" filled with all the disappointment, sorrow, betrayal, devastation that those two words could be filled with.

Mapicc's "I'd rather be banned than this be scripted".

This is why they're them. This is why everyone looks at them with a healthy little bit of fear, unsure what move they will make. (Zy's post about mapicc got me thinking about this.)

Bc imo it's this. This pure and purified distain for scripting.

Mapicc will exploit/cheat/go too far/murder before questions to stop a scripted story: to stop someone from dominating a story with their own plan without getting the input from the team. He will do that sporadic shit if it makes sense to him. And it really only has to make sense to him. Your script be damned.

Zam's incessant figure-it-out-as-he-goes mentality towards the story. Staying consistent with the character but always reassessing, always rethinking, always being moved by the narrative that others present.

It makes both of them incredibly consistent but also incredibly erratic for the other members.

And especially with like mawn, mapicc just going for the plan with no plan just an outline maybe. taking the conversations, making assumptions, doing things and seeing what happens. And then he gets blindsided by this mentality from zam as well where he thought zam would join or oppose but zam just chose.. sitting out. And for reasons that made perfect sense to himself.

fuck it, i'll write it in this post: both have this very particular way of making videos on lifesteal.

There's two general categories of lifesteal videos:

get the idea to happen on the server and the video is about making it happen, culminating in the success. Generally they go until they make it happen no matter how long it takes.

have an idea at the start the video, and see where it goes, ending wherever makes sense.

Devotions hit that second category more often than not. Mapicc still does the first occasionally, but mawn is a great example of it. The oath is another. The joker, abyss, castle (from both sides), even dupe war from their pov. The dupe was already a sure thing when they started the video, what progressed was what they did with it.

They both so fully embrace the wildness that is unscripted mcrp in a way that goes beyond a lot of the members, even as, obv, unscripted is the law of lifesteal.

Cause like, wormhole is a fantastic example of the first. And the "problem" (difficulty) with it is you don't really have a video if it never happens. So you veer closer and closer to making it happen at any cost.

It's also interesting to think of Leo's trapping Flame video as the first, especially as, for that type of video, his first traps had to fail for the video's progression, but then it got out of hand and he went for the void and an end crystal used in dubiously illegal ways. But the video could not end until Flame died.

Flame's 10v1 is another example of the first. And mapicc went *nope* and objected to Flame thinking it would be that easy to force the server around when it got a little difficult (planning is difficult).

I love both categories fr. but its so interesting to look at the videos and the server because on so many levels, the narrative that bounces around the members is "if I can figure out the video idea, i get what they're doing", which works perfectly for the first, but with the second, and we've literally seen this so much with s5, with the second it's like, okay I get the video idea; why are you still doing it. And the reasoning is so much more hidden and not understood from the outside even though from the inside it's the most logical and obvious series of events.

And what is most fun is how the death star was 1 and then became 2. And the second it shifted from "i will make a death star" into "we made a death star and it didn't work: what next?" was precisely the moment Mane could not understand why Minute would take the 1v1. Because this type of video is not about the results, it's about the journey. It's about standing up for what you believe in. It's about seeing how people react.

And all of that leads to a player who is confusing and unknown and a little bit scary. Who might just end the world, or maybe just your world.

[m4eve]

Just saw you post calling kaeya lovers!!! Welp, ask and you shall receive!!! I actually have two prompts in mind and don't know which one to ask, so I'll tell you both of them and let you decide🤗

1. Reader is thin, ok. But lately kaeya notices they've been looking thinner, he hears them commenting how their clothes seem to get larger, and even see some people commenting that they look like they lost weight. He even notices he have been seeing them getting lightheaded a lot more when they get up from anywhere, always stopping for a few seconds after getting up from a chair, only to start walking again as if nothing happened. I wonder how he would react to this, and how he would deal with this situation

2. Well, we all know kaeya is a flirt, and probably a womanizer. I wonder how it would be if he actually fell in love with someone who's asexual. How would the reader tell him, fearing that'll make him give up on them, like so many others, since they don't even like being kissed on the lips. Would the sexless and kissless relationship be ok with the cavalry captain, or would he leave the reader bc that's not really something he can live with? Some angsty dunno

Welp, only write ot if you want it and in your time, thanks for doing lord's work🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

: reconciled affection

prologue:

your views on sexual matters clash with your current lover's, kaeya alberich. hopefully, this won't severe your relationship.

"love: an intense, deep affection"

in your mind, love should never be confused with lust. love does not just have to be intercourse. it can be soft, gentle, and considerate.

that has been your views on love ever since you were young. the average progressions of love for you never exactly included a first kiss.. let alone intimacy. due to this, finding someone who will treat your preferences with delicacy is important.

and since it's already been on your heart.. the worst thing kaeya could do right now is make such an advance...

you and kaeya have been dating for a month now! of course he's incredible, but you're not blind to his.. reputation. everyone in mondstadt knows that man has a multitude of one night stands. and for the last few weeks, you've been trying to find a way to explain your views on sexual matters to him. much to your dismay... there's just never been a good time. you suppose that there might not ever be one, but the least you can do for yourself is not make your boundaries seem meaningless, or awkward. that, is until this VERY moment that you've found yourself in!?

and.. he does it anyway. he leans in to kiss your cheek. ugh.. kaeya's kiss is slow and meticulous, but the feelings of affection get lost in translation. you freeze, and your face morphs into discomfort. as kaeya pulls back, he seems stung and confused. now, normally, when kaeya teases a woman, there's a look of flusteredness and awe in their eyes. not exactly a look of disgust. kaeya blinks a few times in order to process the situation he's in. then he asks if he did something wrong in a soft, apologetic tone.

since this interaction has opened a door that can no longer be hidden, you sit him down to explain what you've needed to get off of your chest...

you begin to explain to him your asexuality, noting that, yes, even kissing makes you feel uncomfortable.

at first, he is shocked. he listens to you inventively, weighing your words and the discomfort he has caused you. he apologizes honestly and promises to take your boundaries into account next time.

now that you guys have parted ways for the night, kaeya feels an overwhelming guilt in his body. he made you uncomfortable, and he's subconsciously thought that the relationship between you two would evolve into more intimate interactions.. kaeya now has to face his own assumptions and correct them.

it'll take a moment, but i'm sure kaeya will adjust to your preferences. this'll help kaeya to appreciate the little things about you. as time goes on, you and kaeya's love will blossom, and it shows both of your willingness and devotion to one another.

to luz: i hope you enjoyed! i was listening to brent faiyaz while writing this, so i hope he didn't influence my writing of kae TOO much.. 😅 but i do genuinely think he'd be a womanizer. god knows how that man upkeeps his reputation. also, i REALLY wanted to do both prompts, but i realized doing both would've halvended the word count 🥲 ALSO I THINK YOU SHOULD READ THE MANGA VEIL! it's not exactly like this prompt, but their love is soo darn cool.

a/n: 2/10 fics done.. 8 more to go! i tried to make sure not to fault the reader with this one, but also not to baby them? hard to explain, but i really fucking hate the hopeless, can't defend themselves reader. FEEL LIKE THE ENDING WAS RUSHED. UGH. MAYBE I'LL EXPAND UPON THIS TOMORROW IDK!! i wanted to post a fic every other day but.. i had other plans.. for NOW im going to close requests just so i can get the rest done, then they'll be open again! idk if i plan to write about other ppl, esp since i really do like kaeya.. yk if you couldn't tell hahahahaha ☺️☺️☺️ BUT WE SHALL SEE

[mickriccenergy]

Shiver

Chapter Six - You’re All I’ve Ever Known

♡ Mick Schumacher x Reader, Best friend!Danny Ricc x reader

♡ TW: Swearing, inaccurate timeline of F1/F2/F3, badly translated German using Google, blood/injuries (not graphic, but there is are mentions of it!), i forgot how many days elapsed between scenes bc i wrote this in like two days. so ya know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. INACCURATE DESCRIPTIONS OF ENGLAND???? I literally made up street names and i think a school, so don’t come for me. I’m just a girl. plus i’m american so like we already have enough on our plates. Ummm slight kidnapping vibes??? very inaccurate and probably wrong medical talk.

♡ She/Her pronouns are used, nothing descriptive about reader except that her hair is long enough to pull back into a ponytail or braid, no reader insert, timeline skips. ALSO: WARNING!!!! I will barely be mentioning Michael Schumacher. I do not presume to know what he is thinking, or would say in these fictional scenarios. I am trying to be respectful of their privacy and not make any assumptions!!!!!! He will be mentioned here and there, but I do not believe any dialogue will be associated with him. If you do not like that, then do not read it. :)

♡ 6.3k words

♡A/N: Again, posting this on mobile and will format it when i get back from work! sorry it’s a day late. yesterday was very bad lol ok love u bye

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

It seemed like there was never going to be an end to the poking, the prodding, and testing on your body. Everyday, there was to be a new test or a repeat of an old one to be done. On top of already having been in the hospital for more than two weeks now, your memory was still not coming back to you. Sometimes someone would say something and if it as if your brain knew the memory tied to it, but it couldn’t relay it to your voice fast enough to recollect it. You didn’t know what was worse at this point:

“No, no threes. Go fish.” Your Uncle Sebastian echoed, stopping your train of thought.

Trying to focus your eyes, you looked at the pile of cards in front of you and drew another one.

“Do you… Have any… sixes?��

The four time champion just smiled and slid over some of his cards. You neatly made a pile of your finished “sixes” cards. Moments later, there was a slight knock on the door before it slowly pushed open towards the two of you.

“Hi, Mrs. Schumacher. It’s good to you see you again.”

So here’s the thing - You had been called that many times now. Almost every nurse and doctor has called you that… And since you had no room to counter, you never corrected them. Who knows? Maybe you and Mick actually got married after high school like the two of you talked about. And as weird as it was for you to be called that… It certainly felt right and didn’t make you feel uncomfortable - which of course made things curious and curioser.

“Mrs.… Schumacher??” Sebastian Vettel put his cards down and eyed the nurse and the doctor. There was a look on their faces that you couldn’t quite place.

“So sorry, no,” The doctor began correcting his mistake. He finally addressed you by your first and last name. “I’m sorry, again. Mr. Schumacher is your medical proxy and I forget that those in fact, do not have to be spouses.”

The doctor nervously chuckled as he prepared various medicinal instruments. It would happened two times a day where they’d check your cognitive function and your response to stimuli. Sometimes you’d say things that were a memory, but moments later you forget you said that. You even had times where Mick was in the same room, and you had forgotten who he was so you called him… Pleading for him to come back and comfort you.

He was the only constant in your life.

The doctor and nurses finished their exam and let you get back to your card game. You had no memory of the man who sat across from you, even though he said he was like family to Mick and that he knew you when you were little. He’d tell you stories about his time in Formula One, and how he’s focused on sustainability now and finding new hobbies. You truly were delighted in the presence of this man, but deep down inside you wished that Mick were there.

He had some press releases to do, as his racing came to halt when you crashed out in Silverstone. He was planning on racing the last 5 races as you were getting better now. Well, physically. Your leg was almost ready to be put in a regular soft cast once the rods would be removed. Your arm was out of its cast completely, and it seemed like your ribs and spine were doing okay. It was just your dumb brain that needing fixing.

“You alright?” Soon, Sebastian’s voice pulled you out of your endless thinking. “We can stop, if you’d like. I think you are beating me, anyway.”

Silently, you put down your cards and pushed the tray that was on wheels aside. You didn’t know what was coming over you. You felt an immense sadness and regret, but you didn’t know why. You were lost. Having your memories stripped of you is such a cruel fate… You rather have just not survived.

“I’m not good enough for him.” You plainly stated.

Sebastian blinked a few times as he put down his playing cards as well. He took a deep breath and tried his best to comfort you.

“Why do you say that? He’s been here every day since you crashed.” Sebastian’s tone was cautious, but caring.

“i mean… Look at me? I have rods sticking out of my leg… And I can’t remember shit. It’s pathetic.”

The former F1 didn’t have a response. He couldn’t imagine what you were going through, let alone the both of you. He just gently reassured you with a grasp of his hand on yours. Before you knew it, even his thoughts were halted by someone entering your hospital room.

“Hello, ma’am, I’m Nurse Elsie.” The brunette nurse beamed at you, and took the clipboard off of the end of the bed. “Do you remember who I am?” Her British accent was thick… You couldn’t place from where though.

You paused and did your best to remember someone named Elsie.

“You-You were there when I first woke up… And you were telling me to stay calm…”

The nurse’s expression immediately turned. Complete surprise and bliss overtook her as she grinned at you and Sebastian. She grabbed your hands ever so softly and opened her mouth to speak.

“Yes, that’s correct! I was here the day you came in, and I haven’t left since.” It truly warmed your heart to see someone that hardworking have some sense of relief. “And I am glad you’re speaking English again!”

“Was… I not before?” Your eyebrows furrowed and your focused shifted to Sebastian. He pressed his lips in a tight line, debating if he should answer for you when Mick wasn’t there.

Clearing his throat, he straightened his posture and exhaled.

“When you first woke up, you were only speaking in German. Mick had to translate for you for a while, until you felt comfortable enough to speak English again.” Vettel calmly responds, his hand scratching at the stubble on his jawline. You nodded along while he explained a few more things to you.

About twenty minutes later after another few tests were done, you were absolutely exhausted. You tucked yourself into the hospital bed with one of Mick’s blankets added to the pile for extra warmth. His scent was wearing off of the blanket as you pulled it up to your chin. Mick was familiar to you, and to your feelings - Yet, part of him remained a stranger. He was older, well you both were now.

He was not the shy little school boy anymore, but a confident young man. His muscles had grown noticeably and his hair was long, like you liked it. His jawline had formed into sharp corners where it meets his ears, as opposed to the chubby faced kid who would ride his bike alongside you and hold your hand in crowded places so you wouldn’t get lost. On the other hand and maybe the stronger one at that, you didn’t recognize him at all. Sure, he looked like Mick and sounded like him… But there was a piece missing to the dynamic between the two of you that you couldn’t quite place.

When he would be in the hospital room with you, it was almost as if he was treating you with a fragility that was completely peculiar to the way your foggy memory could recall him treating you. He was always kind and always held a special tenderness for you, that much you could remember… But be that as it may, he was handling you now with a delicate hand - so afraid of breaking you further. You couldn’t tell from where you sat if it was because of your injuries that he was being extra careful around you, or because there was something he wasn’t telling you.

“Knock, Knock.” The familiar voice of another doctor entered your stumbling train of thought as they entered your room. Sebastian stood to greet her and shake her hand.

“How are you feeling today, ma’am?” You shrugged and mumbled something incoherent. “Right then! My name is Doctor Wells. I’m the Chief of Neurology, and have been following your case closely.”

You honestly were having a tough time keeping all these doctors and nurses straight in your head, that you thought adding one more to the list might make you explode. But still - you politely greeted her as you told her your name.

“You’ve been making great progress physically, it seems. Your leg will be moved to a soft cast in two days time, and then in about a month, we’ll x-ray your leg to see when we would take that cast off, but again, it’s looking good.” The doctor smiled as her green eyes scanned the clipboard in front of her.

She began to hum to yourself as she jotted down some notes. You immediately noticed it, and Sebastian immediately noticed you. It was as though you couldn’t breathe all of a sudden and you had no clue as to why. Your monitors began to beep at a rapid rate, while the voices around you were telling you things but you couldn’t hear them. All you could hear was a loud, sharp and lasting ringing in your eyes as you sobbed. Soon, you felt the calming medicine go through your IV and settle your heart rate. It took a few more minutes to gain your bearings.

“Es tut mir Leid (I’m sorry).” You breathed out as you laid back down trying to get comfortable again.

Sebastian excused himself to go make a phone call, assuring you that he’d be back in a few minutes.

“That’s quite alright. Your body has been through a lot these last few weeks.” Dr. Wells smiled at you with an overwhelming aura of reassurance. She took a beat, and pulled up her rolling stool next to your bedside. “May I ask what I did to trigger that reaction? I want to know so I won’t do it again.”

You turned your head to meet her gaze, her eyes filled with worry and sympathy. You tried your best to think about the answer to her question. She could practically hear the gears turning in your head while you attempted to pinpoint what it was that upset you.

“The humming… When you hummed… It… I don’t know - did something to me.” Dr. Wells nodded in response and promise that she wouldn’t do it again. “Can I ask you a question, Dr. Wells?”

“Anything at all.”

You moved your hospital bed up so you could sit up and see the doctor better. You had very little to go on, but what you could go off of confidently was people’s expressions and the way their faces moved when they spoke to you.

“What are my chances of getting my memory back, and if I don’t… What do I do?” In turn, your facial expression was desperate, reeking of hopelessness and despair. She could see the devastation the accident has brought you, as it seeped out of the pores of your skin and infected your surroundings.

“Well, you’re making good progress and you remember Nurse Elsie which is a great sign… And the fact that you still know who Mick is a great sign,” Dr. Wells began slowly. “But, we really won’t know the extent of the damage the crash took, especially in regard to your memory. All your brain scans have thus far been clean, with no cause for concern.”

You started to feel tears brimming in your eyes as you bit your bottom lip to try and stifle back your cries. Shakily, you let out whatever air you had left in your lungs now.

“Sometimes things like this just happen and we don’t know why… But what we do know is that memories can always be created. You may not be able to remember the ones you had previously, but you can always replace them with new ones, better ones even.”

The pair of you talked for a few minutes more about your situation and how best to help it. She gave you some flyers for support groups and some numbers for therapists that specialize in what you were going through. She checked your vitals once more before heading towards the door and exiting, smiling a courteous smile as she disappeared into the vast hospital.

On the rare occasion you were left alone in your room, you liked to write things down in a notebook Mick gave you. It was your favorite color, with a giant ‘MSC47’ sticker on it. You had asked him what that was and he told you it was his racing number. To that, you asked why he didn’t put your racing number… And in response to that, he sheepishly admitted that it slipped his mind to put your number, but he was glad you always had a reminder of him. You didn’t even notice you were reminiscing until you caught yourself stroking the sticker on the front of your notebook. Blinking a few times to clear your mind, you opened it up to the next free page only to see that someone really tried not to write in their typical chicken scratch.

Smidge,

If you are reading this, then I must be away doing some press related things. I wish I did not have to, but duty calls and I also think Toto would come to my house and drag me there himself (in a very nice way, of course). Anyway, I wanted to write you a short note and let you know that I will be back soon, and hopefully you will be coming home after that. I have rented a place out here for you and me that will be sufficient enough until you decide where you want to fully rest and recover. We can go back to your apartment in Italy or to one of my family’s cottages in Switzerland. I would even take you back to the states to find respite at my ranch in Texas, but I know you do not have fond memories of Texas. I want to do only what you are comfortable with, Schätzen.

As for my last few races, I am on the lookout for the best home care nurse I can find while I am away. Sebastian offered, but he has a family and children of his own. When you feel up to it, I would also like your opinion on how you would like your care to be handled when I am at a race. I want you to feel as safe and taken care of as possible. It kills me that I have to go away to participate in the last few races, but part of me is also excited to get back to driving alongside Lewis. We (Mostly I) will dedicate every race to you, Schätzen. Maybe if you are healed and well enough, you may be able to attend the last race of the season. That would be very fun, as I know some of the drivers are dying to see you again.

I cannot think of anything else to write that might ease your mind while I am gone for now. I cannot imagine how difficult it must be to not know anybody there, but I do hope that with Sebastian being there it has calmed some of your nerves. He admires you greatly, and you have always been fond of him. I feel exactly the same way. But you can always text message me or call me, if you need me. I know you are not quite comfortable with that form of communication yet, but I just want you to know that I will always respond and pick up when I see your name pop up on my phone.

Anyway, I am excited and full of anticipation for when I get to lay eyes on the most beautiful woman I have come to know again. Your strength and perseverance through this entire ideal has been something to write in the history books about. I cannot wait to hear your laugh and feel your fingers interlaced with mine. I am looking forward to our days spent on the couch, sharing a blanket, with you tucked underneath my side - where you fit so perfectly beside me as if it were meant to be. And until we see each other again, just know I am thinking of you always and missing you every second of the day.

You hold my heart in your hands.

Ich gehöre für immer dir.

(I am yours forever.)

Love,

Mickey

There were drops of water scattered across the page as you tried to stop yourself from crying again.

You may not know him, but he knows you. And the feeling was overwhelming.

“Are you alright?” Sebastian’s quiet voice came into notice as you looked up at him with tearful eyes. He tilted his head to the side in concern.

“He… Wrote me… He wrote me… This letter… He knew I would find it… He knew this… That I would want to write things down, after the day I had… And he knew I would find his letter…” You spoke in between sobs, your chest falling up and down at a rapid rate.

“Okay, okay. Let’s take a few deep breaths and then we can talk about it, ja?” Sebastian began to initiate some deep breathing, hoping you would follow suit.

After many seconds of doing some deep breathing, you closed your eyes and did your best to relax your body.

“He loves me, doesn’t he?”

Vettel paused, taking his seat beside you.

“Yes. He does.” The German driver answered solemnly.

“And I don’t love him? Isn’t that right?” You glanced around the dry hospital room, smears of bright white and the smell of rubbing alcohol apparent.

“I don’t want him to love me. I don’t deserve it.”

Sebastian Vettel, four time world formula one champion, and one of the most formidable motorsports athletes the world has ever known, was stunned. He remained tight lipped and stoic. In frustration, you threw the notebook onto the floor and put your head in your hands. You weren’t crying, no. But you were exasperated . You could hear beeping as each finger pressed a key in the background. You didn’t know what was what, except what was shown to you: The voice of somebody you used to know.

Sebastian had put the phone on speaker and handed it to you.

“Smidge? Are you okay?”

“Hello? Smidge?”

“Was machst du (What are you doing)?”

“Ich vermisse dich (I miss you).”

Mick’s voice was like the half of you that you didn’t know you needed. It melded perfectly with what you were missing in this dark despair of recent days. His slight German-Swiss accent brought you comfort like you didn’t know you needed. He had picked up the call no matter where he was or what he was doing.

“Komm zurück zu mir (Come back to me).” You could hear Mick let out a strained sigh. He wanted to come back, god did he want to.

“Mickey, please…”

Completely taking you off guard, the line went dead suddenly and you were left with another kind of beeping. You slowly handed the phone back to your almost friend, Sebastian. The former driver could only sigh and sit back in the chair that he had been making his home since Mick left.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Four Days Later

Your leg was finally out of those ghastly rods and into a softer cast. To think this feeling was heavenly, was something you would have never put on your radar thus far. Soon enough though as the many doctors and nurses came by, you were cleared to go home in the next 24 hours.

“We are glad to see you improving Mrs. Schumacher.” You did your best to make eye contact with the receptionist. “Please let us know if you need anything.”

“Thank you…” You started with caution.

“I’m not Mrs. Schumacher though… If you want to change that for your records or anything…” You tried your best to be nonchalant. The receptionist typed a few bits onto the computer in front of her.

Ushering for you to take a seat in the lobby, you tried your best to not think about the past.

Due to a reason unbeknownst to you, Mick was unavailable to take you home when it came to your releases date. You even braved the scary phone long enough to ask Sebastian if he could be there to take you to the new home Mick set up for you. He wished that he could, but evidently he had something to attend to.

Bravery aside, you sat curbside alone trying to figure out who to call. Your leg was in its soft cast, as you remained waiting for something or someone to come rescue you. You didn’t know where you were, you didn’t know any phone numbers off of the top of your head, and if it could get any worse, you were in England where it was raining.

“You’re going to catch a cold if you stay outside like this.”

Great. Now you’re fucking hearing things. Trying to shake the eerie feeling you had resting on your shoulders, you ignored the voice.

“Let me take you home, huh?” The voice repeated to you.

Your head turned to the left towards the voice. They were leaning against some concrete beam, cigarette almost totally nsmoked as they stepped towards you.

“John?”

“Hello, baby sister.”

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

You weren’t sure how you ended up at your brother’s flat in whatever country you were in at the moment. The legalization of Mick being your medical proxy was iron clad….

You never once considered an actual family member to be there for you. And as it were, your big brother had also aged some. You knew it was him immediately though. You could tell because he sort of looked like you, and his voice sounded like the only other voice besides Mick that you knew.

“Are we going back home?” Your brother was doing the dishes as you sat on the couch, your leg elevated to help relieve some swelling.

Again, you repeated the question. You could hear him turning the water off, and see him drying his hands as he turned to face you.

“No, we’re going to stay here for a little while.”

Confusion washed over you once more. Did Mick call your brother because he was unable to pick you up from the hospital? Did Mick even know you were here? All you could do was nod, while your brother excused himself to go lay down. It had been a long day of driving for him from where he came from. You remained in the quiet of your own company for a moment, trying to think of all the possibilities that could have ended up with you being in some strange apartment in a country you hardly knew. Finally, you pulled out your phone that Mick bought for you, and took a deep breath.

You: Hi Mick

…

Mick: Hello, Schätzen! It makes me very happy to see your text.

You: Really?

…

Mick: Yes, really. I would never lie to you.

You: That’s sweet.

…

…

Mick: I am so sorry I cannot be there to bring you home, but I will be there tonight and we can have dinner and watch a movie, if you would like. But, my very good friend Daniel is going to pick you up from the hospital, okay? He should be there shortly, if you just want to wait in the lobby where it is warm and dry.

You reread the message as your heart rate began to hasten. If Mick had already made arrangements for you to get picked up from the hospital… How did your brother find you?

You: Oh. I thought you called John, because he picked me up from the hospital already. A few hours ago, actually. I got released early and thought maybe you called him since you couldn’t get there in time.

Milliseconds after you pressed send on your text, your phone screen lit up brightly in your face.

INCOMING CALL: Mick Schumacher

swipe to accept

Your thumb danced over the bottom of the screen, only to have your desire to hear his voice once again take over your body. Slowly, you accepted the call.

“Schätzen, where are you?” You could hear the panic in his voice. How the fuck were you supposed to know where you were?

“Um… I’m in John’s apartment, I think.” You spoke in a whisper as to not to disturb your resting brother.

“Scheiße, Scheiße, Scheiße (Shit, shit, shit)!”

On the other side of the phone you could hear him getting up and gather his belongings wherever he was. You could pick up bits and pieces of what he was telling someone near him, but not enough to put together a full sentence. You patiently waited on your side of the line for him to speak again. What seemed like forever went by, before he talked to you.

“Can you describe where you are? Can you look outside and see any street names, or building names?” You could tell he was jogging by now.

“I’d have to get up… And my crutches are… On the other side of the room…”

Mick felt absolutely stupid for forgetting that you had a cast on your leg. And he felt even more stupid that he allowed your safety to be compromised… Again. In his defense though, he gave strict instructions to the hospital staff not to allow anyone to take you home besides himself, Sebastian, and Daniel. He even started calling you his Mrs. Schumacher for extra protection, but he’d never tell you that secret.

He was trying as quickly as he could to figure out what the hell went wrong, and how the hell your brother found you. Mick told you he’d have to call you back, but that he promised he would call back in five minutes.

As you waited for him to call back, you decided to try and hobble over to the window. It was gloomy, of course, but you could still see a few things.

House Street

Franklin Street

You decided to text Mick the names of the cross streets, just in case. Glancing around some more through the window, you saw to the far right what looked like a school or a church. You squinted to try and get the name of it.

Longfellow Grade School: Home of The Lions

You also added that to your next text message to Mick, as well as the few models of cars that were sat out on the street. Exhausted now, you hobbled your way back over to the couch and let out all the air you had pent up in your lungs.

INCOMING CALL: Mick Schumacher

swipe to accept

Faster than you did the last time, you accepted the call and raised the phone to your ear.

“Hi Mick, are you okay?”

“The police are on their way, Schätzen. Do not be scared when they arrive, ja? I will be there as fast as I can too. Stay on the line.”

You had a lot of conflicting feelings at this point. Why were the police involved now? Why did Mick sound so afraid? You couldn’t remember the last few years, but now you’re having to deal with all of this? It was as though your body was frozen with a mixture of fear and sadness. You could barely move from your spot on the couch while you anticipated the police’s arrival.

“Okay, Mick. What is going on, though?”

“I will explain everything once I bring you back home, to our home.”

Soon enough, there was a loud knock on the door. You could hear your brother curse loudly from his room as you shrank into the corner of the couch. You were very afraid. Your brother stumbled out of his room, rubbing his eyes as he opened the door to his apartment. One police officer held up a piece of paper to his face, while the other one peered into the space making sure you were alright. The male officer began to speak to your brother about whatever was on the paper, while the female officer approached you with caution.

“Hi, there. My name is Officer Clarkson. Are you alright?” Her voice was calming, and probably the most calming thing about this entire situation. She sat on the couch, keeping a good distance between you.

“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t know where I am.”

Mick had told the dispatchers that you were in a potentially dangerous situation, and that you had been in a bad car crash a month before resulting in some memory loss. He also told them that you in fact had a restraining order out against your brother, and that he had no clue how he got past the hospital staff.

“That’s okay, you don’t have to know anything right now. I’m just going to sit here with you, while my partner takes care of that young man. Is that alright?” Again, the peaceful cadence of her voice warmed you, and made you feel instantly safe.

“Yes.”

Your head quickly whipped to the side when your brother began yelling at the officer. He was pinned up against the wall, face to it, with his hands behind his back. The male officer handcuffed your brother and escorted him out to the police vehicle. It all happened so fast that you weren’t sure what to make of it. Officer Clarkson said some police speak into her walkie talkie that was on her chest, echoing some of the things being said back to her. She got up from the couch and looked around.

“Can you remember the last time you saw your brother?” You only shook your head in response. Your eyes followed the trail she was walking around the tiny apartment.


After a few more questions that you honestly did not know the answers to, you could hear the radio on her chest go off. The officer grabbed your crutches, and the bag you had at the hospital and escorted you downstairs. There was another police car, an SUV. Two more officers approached you, both women.

“This is Officer Hammond and Officer May. They’re going to drive you home, your real home.”

You thought you might combust trying to keep everyone’s names straight. But you still didn’t have any answers as to why your brother was sitting in the back of a cop car. And as you did so dutifully in the hospital, you did again as you just stood in silence allowing things to be explained to you.

“Your friend Mick - the one who called the us - Will meet you there. Your brother won’t bother you ever again, ma’am.” Officer Clarkson gave a promising smile and nod as she handed your bag to one of the other female officers.


Soon, you were in the backseat of the car as the three of you silently drove to wherever this new place was.

Two hours later, you were woken by Officer May trying coax you out of your sleep. You felt embarrassed for falling asleep, but it seemed like your body needed it. Rubbing your eyes, you looked over the officer’s shoulder to see you were parked in front of a modest one story home. You were in the countryside somewhere, and knowing Mick and his love for the countryside, you could tell that he put a lot of thought into this home. Even if it was going to be temporary, you enjoyed the thought of recovering somewhere private and secluded.

Officer May helped you out of the car and handed you your crutches. The sound of another car hastily pulling up made all three of your head’s turn sharply to the right. In true Mick fashion, he sported a big red truck as he parked in haphazardly. He couldn’t move fast enough though, as he jumped out of the car not even closing the door behind him. Mick ran up to you, his hands frantically searching your face for any wounds. He was rambling in German… Italian… Maybe even French as he brought you into a much needed embrace. He kissed the top of your head and looked at you with nothing but regret.

“Smidge, I am so sorry. I really do not know how this could have happened, but you are safe now. Okay? Completely safe from everything.” Mick profusely thanked the officers, and made a note to call and thank the other officers as well.

Mick helped you inside, before returning to the officers so that he could speak to them about the situation. They assured him that they would look into just how your brother was able to pick you up and take you out of the hospital. He wanted nothing more than answers at this point. (Join the club, right?)

You were still on edge when you heard the door open, your flinching making it clear. Mick walked towards you as cautiously as he could.

“It is just me, Smidge; Just Mick.” He stepped in front of you, his face softened by the sight of you. “I am sorry I scared you.”

“It’s just been a long day…” Mick led you carefully to the couch so that you could sit and rest your leg. Propping your leg up on some pillows, Mick moved to the kitchen to get you some water and some food.

The house was nicely decorated with accents of a familiar shade of red all around. The couch beneath you felt like a marshmallow compared to last couch you were sat on, and the hospital bed you had quite become accustomed to for the last month. Mick returned with a water bottle and a few snacks he might think you would want. Sitting beside you, but keeping a respectful space between you, the blond haired boy rubbed a very tired hand over his face. Leaning his head back onto the back of the couch and stretching out his arms too, he sighed a sigh of relief and closed his eyes. You watched him carefully, and more meticulously than you had in the hospital.

You liked the way his nose was slightly bigger than normal and the way that it curved downwards at the end. You noticed how his darkened blond hair curled ever so slightly at the tips. His lips were a pretty shade of pink too. You wondered if you ever had the pleasure of kissing them. His neck was bigger than you last could remember it to be. Mick’s Adam’s Apple moving up and down as he swallowed, sucking the insides of left side of his mouth. Mick always did that when he was overworked.

“Sind Sie gestresst (Are you stressed)?” Mick just hummed in response, your body relaxing at the familiar sound.

You remember how you reacted when the doctor hummed. Shuddering away that terrible thought, you scooted closer to him.

“Mir wird es gut gehen (I will be okay).” His eyes were still closed as he responded.

You took a beat and took a nice long deep breath. You remember what he had written in his letter. He probably had to leave his work to come find you. And the fact that he did made you feel something you hadn’t felt before - or at least couldn’t remember feeling. This man has always cared for you. Since you were children, he has always put you first and always made sure you were taken care of in every sense of the word. He was the only thing that connected you to your past and all of your lost memories. And surely he knew the weight of it all, yet he didn’t seem to be overwhelmed by it. He would carry the weight of the world on his shoulders if that meant he got to see you happy.

Something in the back of your head was telling you to reject these new feelings, though. You couldn’t tell what it was that was making you want to hide your emotions. The pull was strong. It was like The Force, pulling you into a dark deep alley where you were always meant to be: Alone.

You did your best to shake the distressing thought. Going back to happier things, you recited the letter in your head as you decided to be brave. After all, you didn’t survive a high speed car crash for nothing, right?

Nodding assertively to yourself, you managed to wiggle into Mick’s side. Your leg was still propped up, just now onto the coffee table in front of you. As best as you could and as comfortably too, you tucked yourself into him and his arm wrapped around you as if it were a dance you two had done a million times before. Your eyelids began to feel heavier and heavier as you felt the warmth of his body warm yours. It was not secret that the both of you were dog-tired as neither of you said a word.

The only thing surrounding you now was the sound of rain hitting the roof and someone’s arm wrapped tightly around you. And while you may not have any memories of the last few years, now was as good as time as ever to begin making new ones.

[itgomyway]

(you)r sp and you ♡

i have already made a post about how you should love yourself and your sp will love you almost as much (bc they actually are you!) but lets go into more detail

a lot of you guys, including me, wanted to get into a relationship. and with that, youve discovered the law of assumption. the basics start off with whatever you assume will be. but after months of arguing, harassment, and bullying on twitter, you’re probably confused and too scared to ask.

FUCK THAT. let me be the one to tell you that none of it matters. you very much can and WILL manifest your sp. others false opinions (false because theyre not real) mean nothing. this isnt a loass post though im talking about non dualism (which is not the same).

“but wait… i want my sp and non dualism isnt about getting so why would i-“ because your sp shouldnt be someone that brings you happiness. they should be someone who adds to your quality of life. why does that sound like loass vs non dualism? because it is.

people use the law of assumption to manifest desires for their physical world. theres nothing wrong with that! that is how i manifested my current relationship. however, when we speak about non dualism, it goes beyond trying to get anything. youre just being. and “getting” into a relationship can very much help or make your false sense of self feel better. you as consciousness know relationships themselves dont exist because it is you but your ego, the false sense of self doesnt know that. it wants to experience love as part of the human condition. but youre still not getting anything. lemme explain.

you were trying to “get” something that was never outside of you TO make you happy. that doesnt make sense when not only are they you, but they are apart of you. everything your awareness is on “reflects” how you feel about yourself because all there is is you.

lets go back to non dualism’s basics. everything is consciousness = you creation is brought on by your awareness = you. “but back when x happened-“ the past and the future do not exist. the only thing that exist is now. you cant “apply” this way of thinking to something that doesnt exist. that makes no sense. youre just going to confuse yourself. i am telling you RIGHT NOW the only truly real thing is YOU. that is all there is and will ever be. you can control your awareness through observations meaning youre in total control. read that again.

so when it comes to your sp, romantic or not, they are never not yours. they were never not you or not a part of you. every thought, feeling, affirmation, or word you wrote down, they have received. because its you. think about it. are you ever aware of anything youre unaware of? (no). because things only exist the moment youre aware of them!

and remember, if something can come to our awareness like a relationship and leave our awareness it is not real. but you, as consciousness are infinite and are always here and always consciousness. so you are real!

after discovering non dualism i have thought about the feelings my boyfriend has presented to me and how they currently match the feelings i have for myself. i have always loved myself and will always love myself. if i didnt, how could i expect my creation, which is a projection of my own self image, to have different feelings than me? your sp isnt a separate person. Your relationships will always show how you feel about yourself, romantic or platonic. they’re not real because they come and go through your awareness but your ego as the false self believes they are. and thats okay. thats its job. let it be and observe them as consciousness.

nothing can happen outside of your awareness because the moment you are aware/conscious of something, it exist instantly. so if your sp is treating you the way you dont want to be treated then reflect on your own feelings about yourself. this DOES NOT necessarily mean work on your self concept. ask yourself if “you” think youre worthy of what it is your ego desires. a lot of my blockage came from that. i had to fall in love with myself so my ego could comprehend how i could be loved. because its still me.

lets talk about “free will”.

“free will” doesn’t exist. lemme tell you why. the idea of free will is a person outside of you having a say in their own life. the basic principle of non dualism means theres only one being, consciousness (you). so tell me how can “another person” “outside” of you have a say in their “own lives” when none of that exist in the first place?

your sp having or not having free will shouldn’t effect how you feel about them unless you see them as a separate entity outside of you. they’re not an “object” you control theyre your creation and another form of consciousness so of course you have control over your creations you have control over EVERYTHING.

your sp feels the same way you feel about yourself. always. if you dont feel good about yourself then i do suggest working on your self concept. not to “get” anything but for YOURSELF! why not love yourself? why cart that responsibility off to your creation?

at the end of the day, itll just be you surrounded by your creations. you can pick and choose what they are specifically BUT THE ONLY REAL THING IS YOU

© itgomyway

[bbyguugkie]

Since no one can explain this shit without bias, I’ll do it.

Luv created a work called PA while KGP by Kiki was already out. Some people started pointing out similarities between the two. Kiki responded directly to the readers and accused Luv of plagiarism, saying she might file a DMCA depending on how Luv handled things. Their conversations are public, but I don’t see actual consent or agreement in them, which is already an issue for me—but the convo is out there.

Later, PA was taken down—not because of a DMCA (which Kiki was even said it was taken down before it was filed i think), but because Luv said she was overstimulated and unhappy with the piece. She wanted to make it longer and better. She’s since said PA will return in an improved form.

Now Luv has a new work called JKPK, and she also has Kknagpae, which is clearly meant to show the distinction between JKPK and KGP. These are different Korean words with very different meanings (I study Korean and even checked with native speakers). Despite this, some people jumped to the conclusion that Kknagpae was an attack on Kiki. If you actually read it, it’s clearly not. People just want drama and will fight over assumptions.

Then comes the cult talk. Someone in Luv’s asks made a comment calling people cultists, or “feels cultist.” I get that people took offense, but even I can see where that came from. That same person is now out here trying to “inform” others—but in a condescending, uninvited way. Back when the Kiki drama first happened, they claimed she didn’t do anything and that people were trying to provoke her. And now it’s clear who and what she meant, because that same MF is probably the one stirring shit in the tags again 🙄

Does it look odd? Yes. But we can’t make assumptions based on how things seem. We have to rely on facts and public information.

I’m aware that Luv deleted some asks related to PA. From what I’ve personally asked her, people didn’t even care about the situation. In fact, some came thinking Kiki had promoted her—which, based on the reactions in the tag, seems to be true for some. So let’s look at both sides.

Kiki’s side: Kiki posted Luv’s name publicly, which drew a lot of attention to her. At the time, that actually resulted in positive exposure. I haven’t seen much negativity except from one person—and two others in the #jeonloves tag. Just one person… anyway.

Now, that same person and a few others are pushing a narrative and escalating it to the point where people are sending death threats, malicious comments, and hate. That’s harassment. And they’re making claims about change and impact that we don’t actually know are true. Looking back at Kiki’s blog, I haven’t seen any hate coming directly from Luv’s side. And as someone who supports both authors, that says a lot to me.

I’m speaking up because I’m not going to sit back and let someone who’s full of hate and misinformation dictate the narrative. I feel for both authors—Kiki, dealing with someone not crediting her even if it was minor, and Luv, getting death threats even after changes were made, intentional or not.

Stop assuming. Take things based on what we know, not speculation. That’s how you inform people. You don’t educate through hate and bias. If you’re only pushing your side while ignoring the rest, you’re not informing—you’re manipulating.

If you don’t actually want change and just want to stir shit, stop pretending otherwise.

THEY OWE US NOTHING, WE SHOULD NEVER DEMAND THEM.ANYTHING? so what it’s not public, the issue is gone and done. Other things like Luvz being a copycat, are obviously personal opinions not routed in factual information. They deesve better, authors deserve better in general

Fuck that was a lot and was edited by Grammarly bc im to fucking pissed becuase this shit’s gone to far. Ans pwople sont know when to stop before it becomes harassment and provotion😡😡

Mf said to not cloud the tags? Yet did the same thing. Fuck off

[virologikal]

Headcanons posted for my works of fiction are merely my interpretation of the respective character(s) and should not be considered as "single point of truth".

⸻ 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐒.𝐓.𝐀.𝐑.𝐒. 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐁𝐄𝐑𝐒

S.T.A.R.S. internal Document A special operations unit belonging to the Raccoon City Police aimed at strategy and rescue for peculiar crimes. In 1996, this S.T.A.R.S. was established by the Raccoon Police Department. At first, it was purely experimental for dealing with special crime in order to respond to the diversifying needs of high-grade crime, such as cyber crime, with a vast network of troops, new kinds of narcotics and new methods of terrorist attacks utilizing BC (Bio-Chemical) weapons. However, at the time of this establishment, several local major private companies including the Umbrella Corporation, which had a huge factory group in Raccoon City, contributed to the funding of S.T.A.R.S. as part of the "Bright Raccoon 21" major city project, leading to the establishment of an elite group with elite staff, advanced equipment and an extensive intelligence network. (Inside of BIOHAZARD, BIOHAZARD director's cut)

Against assumptions made by Chris and Jill (among others) in the aftermath of the Mansion Incident, it was never truly Wesker's plan to simply lead the S.T.A.R.S. unit like lambs to the slaughter. He, in fact, had his very own plans Umbrella (knowingly or not) spoiled. To understand the workings of this plan, a closer look to the founding of the unit and their inner workings is needed.

Since the exact way S.T.A.R.S. was established timeline-wise is not detailed anywhere, it is assumed they were initially founded in early 1996 as part of the Bright Raccoon 21 project, and soon after restructured due to Umbrella's massive funding, which included installing Albert Wesker as captain.

Part of his initial tasks was the re-organization of the unit, which included splitting the members into team Alpha and Bravo as per the manual which had been handed to him detailing the 5-man-cell-structure of the teams. He also made Enrico Marini, who was the captain of the existing, entire squad, leader of Team Bravo and himself leader of Team Alpha, with authorized superiority over Marini.

As it is not detailed which members of S.T.A.R.S. Wesker handpicked himself exactly, it is further assumed he chose Chris, Joseph, Jill, Brad and Rebecca, while moving Barry (who recommended Chris, which implies he must have been with S.T.A.R.S. before Wesker built the teams) to Team Alpha. It was crucial for Wesker to built his Alpha team himself - for one, he would need to closely work with them, but he would also be sensible enough to not split up an existing dynamic. Being in a superior position to Marini as a new colleague would already possibly invite unrest. By allowing the pre-existing members to stay together, he effectively smoothed over possible uneasiness and ensured them to feel comfortable with their old captain instead of having to adjust to a new leader. Having Barry in his team contrary to these decisions was a tactical choice from Wesker, considering Barry and Chris knew each other already, and Chris having been accepted due to his recommendation as well as likely easing Chris into the new team and surroundings better with someone around he knew and trusted.

Further, there was a certain amount of psychological evaluation at play to make sure the team members worked exceptionally well with each other, like clockwork, on and off missions - which effectively led to them becoming very tight-knit and, as Rebecca once mentioned, like “family” (which might have been stronger among the respective teams but definitely also spread across Alpha and Bravo).

There certainly was some head-butting with Marini, if not for the restructure of S.T.A.R.S., then at least due to the very differing characters and temperaments of the two team leaders. None of that ever truly got in the way of working together, however, as they were both professional about it. Wesker would show enough lenience with Marini to still make him feel important and appreciated, while maintaining his firm but fair grip on the entire unit.

It is worth mentioning that Chief Irons had no authority over the S.T.A.R.S. unit whatsoever, and was rather forced by the Mayor to house them in his police department to allow for short ways of communication in case of emergencies. As a result, Irons showed great resentment for the entire special unit, and the animosity between him and Wesker was a regular topic among police officers and S.T.A.R.S. alike. It went so far that Irons made it his personal mission to obstruct ways for the unit to get to their equipment or even the shooting range by way of installing riddles and puzzles along with a needlessly complicated set of keys.

Wesker also made a point of doling out special treatment to his unit by way of rewarding them. This included but was not limited to allowing them to personalize their working desks, decorate the office with a darts game and posters, letting them decide on their loadouts and equipment, handing out special, S.T.A.R.S. branded wrist watches, etc. Even among Irons' men he was known as a strict but fair captain, which led to many police officers entering the application process to become part of S.T.A.R.S. annualy.

To Wesker, S.T.A.R.S. was a project quite similar to those he had had under his care during his scientific work. Working with rewards to further the preferred outcome he wanted to see in a test subject was something he had learned to apply early, and it only made sense for him to go about it the same way here, putting in the same attention to detail with his unit as he did with other projects. And similarly, he was fiercely protective of this specific project of his.

Anyone that impressed him or did a good job would notice that Wesker would go less hard on them if they made a mistake in the future. At least for a time. And while he handed out preferential treatment it was never truly unfair because anyone could get there if they played along to his rules and expectations.

In conclusion, Wesker built a unit that was working in almost perfect harmony, in sync, understanding and trusting each other blindly. They excelled in their specialized positions (with Chris and Forest being excellent enough shots they would win competitions and prizes). And he considered them absolutely loyal to him.

It was not part of Wesker's philosophy to discard a perfectly fine weapon before a fight, or be wasteful with resources in general. Still, he was not ready to betray Umbrella before entering the mansion and steal the research he intended to sell - so when Umbrella sent the order to use S.T.A.R.S. as lab rats to use them in an infield test against the B.O.W.s, he had no other choice but to go along with it, framing it as a final test in his mind.

Those who would survive would be perfectly fit to become his private army in the upcoming fight against Umbrella. And his most talented team members, Chris and Jill, would be right beside him. Marini, on the other hand, was more obstacle than anything else, which is why he sacrificed him easily when the time came.

[lesbomaticlove]

I'm not sure if you've made a post about it already, but I'd love to hear your thoughts/headcanons for the jjk characters too!! :O

i briefly mentioned maki in a tangent off someone elses post, so ill go full into it here :)

-JJK spoilers ahead-

in general, i think its fitting for all the students to be in shape. i mean, physical training is a large part of their curriculum, its essential, but at the same time its important to recognize the variety of athletic bodies

also, i stated in my one piece post about how a bodybuilding physique isnt sustainable, and thats because you should have fat between your muscles and skin, end of story. and muscles generally arent defined without flexing anyway (another post that addresses this).

so, what does this mean for drawing these characters? it means theres no damn way yujji's dead ass is looking like this in the morgue

there should be little to no definition on those abs yet each one is shaded like that??? listen i for one fucking hate drawing abs period i will take any excuse to simplify it, but it realistically it should be far more subtle, just a suggestion of the muscles rather than individually outlining each and every one of them

here i have sketched a majority of the main students in my body hcs

todo is absolutely the type to go after an aesthetic body, but i fr just see no appeal in a body fat percentage below 10 (by reference of this image)- so i kept his muscle level, but took out much of the definition (of course he could still flex to be more defined, but resting would be more like this)

the rest have much smaller differences, but differences nonetheless. based on vibes.

yuji is muscular, but drawn off the assumption he doesn't do much weightlifting, just strength training (a bigger focus on function over fashion). its the same thing with megumi, really- you can be strong without having bulk at all (see movementbydavid on yt) only really showing muscle when flexing

the rest follow the same lines of logic. vibe based and all that. i dont wanna drone on explaining each and every decision bc i hope its mostly self explanatory.

remember: their cursed energy strength is not equivalent to their visible strength. abs aren't always visible. use references and try to vary your body types, fanart or not.

[genericpuff]

Tbh Sicily and Italy in general are actually mentioned quite a lot in Greek texts, including mythological ones, and that's because South Italy was FULL of Greek colonies. To the point the Romans even called it Magna Graecia, that is "Big Greece". There are literally modern productions of Greek plays still held in the ruins of Greek theatres there to this day in memory of that heritage.

And while Ancient World colonialism doesn't always correspond exactly to later examples, if RS had actually developed her idea of having P and H bond over being originally from Sicily and P being ashamed of it, she could have easily found a way to use that to her advantage. P was supposed to be the naive country bumpkin coming to the big city and coming into her own there, anyway. Why not combine the two things?

She could have used the existence of different dialects of Ancient Greek to add a panel of Minthe and Tethys laughing abt P's accent and calling her no better than a barbarian (a "barbarian" was originally someone who clearly showed they were foreign bc they didn't speak Greek fluently) behind her back, high school mean girls style. Or toxic suitor Apollo mansplaining Greek traditions to her which she keeps trying to tell him she's already familiar with. Or heck, H showing an interest in P's life in Sicily and P thinking he's gonna make some rude assumption or lame joke but instead he just geeks out like "you ever met Archimedes of Syracuse? I heard abt that thing with the lever and I love it"... timeline's fucked enough for it anyway, and it would have been better than the pity part we got. Also RS seems to want a lil nerdy charm for H sometimes when she draws him with glasses, and what's nerdier than geeking out over famous mathematicians.

But obv, RS being RS, we only got said pity party and people making "mamma mia" jokes in response. Oh, and this post I remember reading somewhere were people were whining that Sicily shouldn't be mentioned in media abt Ancient Greece bc the poor, poor Americans only know it bc of Mafia so it makes the tone too confusing. Bc that's totally an ok thing to say. Also Americans should never be forced to check Wikipedia ig

Oh absolutely, I don't doubt that Rachel made Persephone Sicilian in an attempt to reference this, it's just really, REALLY funny out of context. Her being Sicilian really has no bearing on her character writing, it seems more like it's just an oddly specific thing thrown in about her and Hades so that they can have something to bond over (because they barely have anything else). Like that one time she anxiously twisted a napkin and Hades remembered back to the one time in the comic we saw HIM twist a napkin and he was like "omg she's just like meeee!"

Her being Sicilian wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if there was actual effort put into writing her as a Sicilian woman. But there isn't so it comes across as really random (and ripe for meme'ing on, even from people who are Sicilian themselves).

[loosesodamarble]

A self-indulget, OC-centric addendum

So this is my addendum to by BC chapters 374-376 post and I will be talking about how my oc, Josele, fits into the situation that played out in those chapters.

So for anyone who isn’t aware Josele is my main Black Clover and is shipped with both Nacht and Morgen. Yes, you read that right. See, I can't pick a favorite between the two so Josele gets both.

So I want to start with a overview of the relationship dynamic between Nacht, Morgen, and Josele.

Josele's role in Morgen and Nacht’s lives is in a similar vein to Yami: she is a shared friend to the twins that keep them in proximity and gives them an indirect connection to each other. Except well, Josele is a romantic interest to both Nacht and Morgen. 

Like any good romantic interest character, Josele is someone that sees a different side of the Fausts that others don’t see. For Morgen, she doesn’t see him as a perfect man but as a normal person trying their best and dealing with the assumptions made about him. She shows Morgen the care that he gives others and lets him indulge in his selfish wishes (namely their romantic relationship). For Nacht, Josele sees past his delinquency to know that he is nicer than he lets on and lonelier than he admits. She gives Nacht her time to soothe his loneliness as best she can and thanks him for small acts of kindness he does show.

The fact that both Nacht and Morgen love Josele is another means of characterizing them. Because their feelings affect them in vastly different ways. Morgen’s love is something freeing to him; with Josele, there are no grand expectations for him to live up to and so he allows himself to love her as openly as he can, not for anyone else but just the two of them. Morgen loving Josele builds him up. For Nacht, his feelings are a burden to him. He compares himself to Morgen, seeing himself as undeserving of loving Josele or being loved by her, so he feels guilty about his love and hides it. Nacht’s love for Josele further tears him down.

Don’t worry, Josele isn’t just giving to Nacht and Morgen, they give back to her. While Josele sees deeper parts of the Fausts, the twins bring out the parts of Josele that she would’ve been hesitant to show on her own. She used to be a shy girl but the twins’ friendship brought out the spirited and loving heart that had been hiding. Morgen’s love made Josele’s hope and romanticism stronger. And Nacht was key in breaking the curse Josele had placed on her heart.

With the general overview of Josele and the Fausts’ relationship covered, now to talk about Josele’s place in the actual chapters.

Now of course, I would have Josele join in on the battle. I would have to be insane to put her anywhere else during the arc. Heck, I already have Morgen stepping away from the battlefield to reunite with her. So he just has to pick her up and fly back to Clover’s capital where she and Yami can team up to (try) and fight Morgen. Josele and Morgen were together and even got engaged before Morgen’s death. She blamed herself for being unable to save him. Morgen’s return as a Paladin leaves Josele’s conflicted—a part of her wishing he could stay alive and a part of her knowing that him returning to death is the right thing—but she’d still bring herself to fight him. But even with Josele at her best and working with Yami, it’s not enough to beat Morgen.

If/when I find time to write this, I’d have Morgen hesitate to hurt Josele because the part of the real him that loves her is present. But he’d eventually fall under the sway of Lucius’s brainwashing and go for a near-kill. Morgen would unleash a devastating attack and leave Josele to either rethink her decision to stand against Lucius or die. Nacht and Ichika would then enter the fray. Ichika still goes to her brother obviously. But I still have to figure out whether Nacht goes to Josele to help her back on her feet or to try stalling Morgen and the Lucius clone as he does in canon. I can reason myself in either direction but that’s for my brain, not this post. Anyways, with all five combatants (Morgen, Nacht, Yami, Ichika, and Josele) on the field, the true battle commences.

Now that’s just the plot-related things that Josele gets up to. There’s more going on with her thematically.

Josele does stick out as an only child in a battle of siblings (the Yami siblings working together and the Fausts working against each other). But she still has her place. 

Josele joins Yami and Nacht as another who lost Morgen. She is more like Nacht in that Morgen’s death weighs heavy on her and she sees Paladin Morgen as just Morgen, the one she loves, and not as Lucius’s puppet. But she still has her own distinct stance in the fight. Where Yami quickly accepts Morgen as the enemy and Nacht needs a moment to himself to prepare his resolve, Josele fights with hesitation as she wishes the situation was different. That Morgen could’ve come back as himself. A futile desire but it’s what’s on her mind.

Something else about Josele, Yami, and Nacht is their relation to time. For starters, how the loss of Morgen affects the three of them can be associated with a point in time (past, present, and future). Nacht lost the brother he had all his life (past). Yami lost the friend and partner he was working with at the time (present). And Josele lost her fiance and the life they hoped to share (future). The trio dynamic is then changed after that. Nacht still represents the past, past sins always on his mind and influencing his actions. But Yami and Josele switch the present and future. I do say that Yami has his thoughts in the present, but I see his character being more about working towards the future, he’s in the present but doesn’t linger there, pushing forward instead. After all, when he left Hino he didn’t say anything like “don’t know what I’ll do now” but talks about how he’ll get stronger and eventually see Ryuuya again. Yami is a man with the future in mind. As for Josele, she only went through the motions day-to-day due to her curse. She couldn’t recall her past or consider her future. Even after breaking her curse, she doesn’t focus on the past or future, instead dedicating herself to fully living in the present world she’s regained. 

I never actually intended to create this time-based trinity for the three survivors but when I realized it, it made me giddy, knowing how well Josele could fit into the dynamic Yami and the Fausts already have.

While not as deep, there’s also connections she has with Ichika. Like Ichika, Josele faced a tragedy and misattributed the blame of it, except she blamed herself instead of another the way Ichika did. Yami also makes sure both women have someone to watch their back when they get left by someone they love. Yami had to leave Ichika in Ryuuya’s care and when Nacht left for Spade Kingdom, Yami was the one who took care of Josele. I love that with Josele, Yami can do the same thing that Ryuuya did for him, and do it for Nacht. A chain of friends helping each other, you know! Again, unintentional but awesome connection!

Sin. Punishment. Atonement. Those are the main themes that Nacht’s character centers on. An idea that’s not as prominent but still related to Nacht’s arc is that of forgiveness. Long story short: while he did seek atonement, Nacht avoided forgiveness despite it not being his place to ask for it or deny it if it’s given to him. In their dynamic, Josele is the forgiver and Nacht is the forgiven (despite not asking for it and even rejecting it for a time). Josele forgives Nacht to lessen his guilt and suffering. Still, she knows that it’s ultimately up to Nacht to forgive himself and release the last of his pain. Only… Nacht has determined that he will hold onto his pain forever.

The pain of losing Morgen and the guilt of taking his life are with Nacht forever. It’s something that Josele wholly accepts, as she will love every part of him. And she does know, at least partially, what it’s like. Josele’s grief over Morgen and (incorrectly) thinking herself responsible for not saving him are also part of her. A physical representation of that ever-present grief is seen in the effects that her curse and devil contract have on her magic.

So during the battle against Morgen, Josele will get a moment with Nacht. Yami would’ve already said that Nacht has to be the one to stop Morgen (and I mean as the one borrowing anti-magic it really does have to be him). But Josele will tell Nacht that she won’t allow him to suffer forever on his lonesome. If Nacht is going to kill Morgen, she will commit to the same sin.

“Shoulder the pain if you must,” Josele would tell him, “but let me take on the burden with you. We’re in this together. I am your wife, after all.”

Nacht can’t argue. There’s no time for arguing on the battlefield. And Nacht can’t deny Josele’s resolve. So he nods and agrees.

Josele will end up adding a bit of her own magic to the combo spell Nacht, Yami, and Ichika already have going. With her adding her Emotion Magic, I’ll call the spell “Dreadful Walpurgis Night.”

With the combo spell fired off, Nacht and Josele would close in and send off Morgen. They kill him, but it is out of love for him and the man they know him to be. Morgen’s spirit would be set free and he would say goodbye to his brother and his beloved, relieved that they are able to truly be together in both love and pain.

Once again, Nacht and Josele are forced to grieve Morgen. Morgen’s first death was followed by the two of them growing apart, as Nacht thoughtlessly accused Josele of not saving Morgen and ran away in regret. This time, however, Nacht and Josele are both taking the blame and will be there to comfort each other through it.

(Also, Yami will make sure they don’t stay mopey on the battlefield for long. And Ichika will wonder what the hell the situation is between Josele and the twins.)

And that concludes my self-indulgent addendum to my original post about chapters 374-376! I know that this being centered on my own oc means that not many people will be interested in it. But I wrote this for myself, so it doesn’t really matter if anyone else shows interest. Writing this post has made me love Black Clover more, made me love the Fausts more, and made me love Josele more so I’m glad I went through with it!

But, to those of you who cared enough to read, thank you for your time. Hopefully you got something out of me talking about my girl Josele and her place in these chapters and with the characters involved.

[evangelineshifts]

Failed Shifting Attempt

Dude, I tried shifting literally all day. I took out time off so I had the whole day off and instead of doing it my way(doing random stuff till it feels like it’s working) I tried subliminals.

Worse mistake of my life.

I cracked, I got self conscious and worried that the reason I wasn’t shifting was because ‘I wasn’t doing it right’ since I didn’t have a method.

So I tried Reya’s subliminal(I only got to 27 minutes) and I wasn’t feeling anything that made me assume I was getting closer to my dr so I just stopped, I tried a different subliminal that was just sounds and I felt like i was getting a little close(I was trying to turn over in my dr and I could feel myself(?) getting pulled over but my physical body was ‘keeping me here’ like a coffin or smth so it felt like I was just getting ripped apart inside my body head first. I tried briefly doing my own thing but I stopped after like 2 minutes cause I was impatient.

So overall this entire day has been a fail attempt(never thought I’d say that) and now I’m kind of disappointed? After all my shifting attempts so far I’ve been relaxed, any ‘failed attempts have brushed off me like water. But today was so bad, it’s almost devastating. I feel burnt out or something, I feel like I’m out of energy. I’m never trying another shifting attempt like this again-🦭

I’m gonna try to get all the points in here but they’re not gonna necessarily be in order.

Okay abt you giving up bc you didn’t feel anything, I totally get that honestly I used to do that too but shifting can vary from attempt to attempt if I’m being honest. It can feel like a whirlwind and it can also feel like nothing at all so I’d just advise that when you feel nothing during an attempt try to ignore it cause you’re unintentionally focusing on your body/the process instead of being in your dr. Like a couple times I shifted I didn’t even realize I did until I was back in my cr, other times it felt like I was being sucked into a vortex and it would be unrealistic to try and ignore the feeling. I shifted all the same. Just this morning I shifted and I didn’t even realize. (I’ll make a separate post if anyone wants).

Subliminals work on the assumption that you think they’ll work. That’s why some subliminals work for some people and don’t for others. If they were some end all be all thing than one of those *WARNING SUPER POWERFUL SUBLIMINAL YOU WILL SHIFT IMMEDIATELY* subs would work for everyone but alas 🤷🏽‍♀️ they do not. Don’t beat yourself up too much over it. I honestly don’t even choose subliminals on how much they “work” for me anymore I just choose them on if the background will allow me to focus and relax and if the affs in the background help me out, great. They’re a tool not the machine, treat it as such.

There’s no right and wrong in shifting and honestly failure isn’t real as I’ve learned. No matter what came of your shift you gained SOMETHING from it. Whether it be more knowledge on how to go abt it next time or movement that you’ve just yet to see. Every attempt gets you closer and that’s a success in an of itself. Persist through it if it helps.

You did shift! Good job!

Morph that disappointment into something that happened during your shift maybe?

Chiron told you, you can’t go swim with your friends until your set chores were done. Gods that must be frustrating, you must really want to hangout with your friends. I get that.

You had an argument with someone and they just wouldn’t see your point and got angry with you? Shit what was it abt? Honestly I’d cry, I’m so sensitive when it comes to fights.

Don’t brush it off just maybe turn your focus towards something more progressive while still feeling those feelings. Tell yourself that you’ll deal with the upsetting issue the next time you go to your dr. Motivation and Affirmation that you’ve already shifted all in one. Yippee 🥳

But all in all, I hope you feel better Mimi ☹️ and I swear on my life I will remember to get to your asks in my inbox. I’ve been consistently sick for the longest time 😭😭 I’ve been around little kids and those bitches will cough straight into your mouth without remorse.

- 🍓

[lesbeet]

i have a question about the list about zionism and antisemitism, the one that's dont "tell Jewish Israelis to "go back where they came from". i understand that there are jewish settlers that will have difficulty moving somewhere else, but doesn't this still perpetuate that colonizers have more of a right to the land than the people who they killed to take it? like the assumption is if we don't tell colonizers they should leave, then they have can stay and continue to occupy the land and resources that were stolen from palestinians

i feel like a palestinian person (or someone else who has been victim to colonization) can answer this better than i can, but i personally have never seen actual palestinians calling for all jewish israelis to remove themselves from the land completely. i don't think the only options are "jewish israelis stay and continue to oppress palestine" or "all jewish israelis vanish from the land without a trace" and imo suggesting so only perpetuates the idea that all palestinians/muslims hate all israelis/jews and have no interest or willingness to cohabitate in a scenario where all people are treated as equals (i'm not the person to ask regarding HOW to make this happen tho)

also like......i know this isn't the problem or responsibility of palestinians who lost their land to colonizers, but where should the jewish israelis go "back to"? setting aside the argument of jewish indigeneity altogether, as that post mentioned, many jews who initially relocated to israel (like post-shoah, not present-day) did so because they were being persecuted in the countries they were coming from. many of those countries are still not particularly safe for jews, and would DEFINITELY not become so in the event of a mass migration. i feel like you're picturing a country full of european and american olim who made aliyah in the last several decades bc of israeli propaganda/intentional annexing of land, but that's not the majority by any means.

again, that's not to say "oh well, they're already there so it would be pretty shitty to make em leave, palestine will just have to deal" but like. it's not realistic and it's also not what anyone is asking for. palestinians just want equal rights and to have stewardship over their ancestral homeland. and yknow, not to be physically and emotionally and socially eviscerated for the crime of existing in a politically frought (and politically advantageous) region. probably some reparations, and rightfully so. nobody is going to forcibly expel the israelis - if anything, some will leave on their own bc they're too racist to give up their privilege and continue to live there as equals, and the rest will be people living in a multiethnic, multifaith country

[imsobadatnicknames2]

i keep thinking about ur stardew valley + land ownership/colonialism post and while i was thinking that too ive also been trying to think about like is there a way to make a farming sim not predicated on those? since as a game genre there is a niche of Watching Things Grow but also i know farming has been around since we first left huntergathering behind and it wasn't always about land ownership. i suppose the first step would be leaving behind the american/european idea/aesthetic of farming and finding some gameplay way of disincentivizing max yields/max profits playstyles

Okay this is an interesting ask and one I don't have all the answers to, but...

I think a game that comes much closer to simulating the actual ideals of communal land ownership is Dwarf Fortress and the way its mechanics depict dwarven society as at least communist-adjacent*. Now of course DF isn't exactly the type of game you would think of when someone mentions cozy relaxing farm games (it's, after all, a pretty crunchy simulator that can get pretty violent and gruesome when things go wrong) but you generally do a lot of the same things in it (growing crops, gathering resources, watching things grow, etc). and there are a lot of principles in it that could probably be incorporated into a Wholesome™ game.

In Dwarf Fortress there is the sense that the land you have is communally owned and managed by the entire population of your fortress. You as a player designate a list of tasks that need to be done and then available dwarves divide those tasks among themselves based on their labor preferences. And generally they don't have an economy based on wages and buying and selling products. When a dwarf makes a piece of clothing it isn't made to be sold, instead it goes on one of the clothing stockpiles, and then when a dwarf needs a new shirt they go to the clothing stockpile and grab one. The meals that are made in the kitchen go to the food stockpile, and then when one of your dwarves is hungry they go to the food stockpile and grab something to eat. And they don't have to pay for any of it because it's assumed that they're also doing the labor they can to contribute to the fort. So it works a lot less like Petty-Bourgeois Landowner Business Simulator and more similar to something like a commune.

Of course, this isn't to say that its base ideological assumptions don't share a lot of pitfalls with other farming simulator/terraforming type games. After all, it still fundamentally stems from the premise of "this plot of untouched land is here for you to do whatever you want with it" and more generally it still has a lot of themes of Civilizing Untamed Wilderness that have a lot of ideological implications which... You know, play into a bit of a colonialist mindset, but it's something you could potentially write around if, for example, your hypothetical game revolved around a community already living there or something like that.

And of course it still implies a bit of an extractivist ideology because ultimately you're still trying to Extract Resources and Maximize Efficiency but I think at least it has some mechanics that play counter to this e.g. having too many animals grazing in the same area for a long time will cause it to lose vegetation so your animals will go hungry if you don't rotate them between different pastures, fortress wealth is used as a trigger for events such as hostile invasions and megabeast attacks, etc.

Anyway, I just think the way land management is depicted in dwarf fortress avoids some of the bourgeois ideological implications of some farming games and incorporating some of the things it does right could be considered a step in the right direction.

*I say communist-adjacent bc I don't wanna fall into the trap of projecting my own politics into the game when in some aspects it just doesn't share them. I've heard several ppl claim that DF is a straight-up communist game, and while the way you play in it does share some aspects of communism, the government system of dwarves is still clearly depicted as a monarchy, and while nobles DO contribute to labor just like everybody else, the game still expects you to give them luxurious quarters, private dining rooms and offices that stand above those of other dwarves. I've had a lot of people reply to this with something along the lines of "oh but you know, when I play I just arrange 'unfortunate accidents' for all of my nobles" and like...yeah but that's not really the way you're intended to play, so saying that the game is straight-up communist because you can do that is still very much projecting your own politics onto it.

[starlight-storytime]

au where damian turns himself while on the roof. there are so many opportunities for this guy to turn himself it's crazy

a casual turn is very fun bc you can play with the idea of "has anyone noticed? will they notice?" And that good good angst of hiding it from everyone. Not being able to get close to anyone, emotionally or physically, bc he's scared he'll notice how cold his hands are. (He keeps his gloves for a different reason now, constantly reminding himself to take a step back from always saddling right up to his friends). He'd be throwing himself out into the fray even more recklessly than before bc he has no concern for his life now, but no one knows he's already turned, so they're incredibly concerned.

Still, if he's good at one thing, it's hiding a vital secret when he really needs to, so i think he could hide it for a long time if his infection was something like a scratch of his nail that got some infected blood in his system before he fell asleep...and then waking up half dead. But, bc he's so good at hiding, he could also get very in his head abt whether anyone actually cares abt him, if they didn't notice him dying in front of their eyes. He'd get those doubts abt whether they're fake friends, whether they talk behind his back, if any of his connections had been real because how could they not notice —but their actions would eventually reassure him. Whether it be in a sweet way, showing that they care, or in a tragic way, showing that he's hidden so much of himself that they simply don't know him as well as they think.

"Your dad must be super protective, isn't he, Damian?" Onjo commiserated. "I wish I had a cool dad who didn't think so much about lame things like that. Military dads always care too much."

Right. Damian smiled plasticly, laughing along with Cheongsan and Suhyeok's ribbing of Onjo's father. They don't know. How could they know? I never let them. I made sure they wouldn't figure it out.

(Still, watching the group chatter on with the firm assumption that of course he must be so close to his father, Damian felt bitter.)

For all these reasons, the perspective of a half zombie hiding their abilities, the fact they're not hungry, the fact that they're not human anymore...it could give a subtle, almost psychological thriller perspective. Worrying about the government, and how his friends would react, whether they would expose him to be experimented or think of him as a monster not even sentient anymore—all very fun thoughts!!

Though, at my core, I am a sucker for a rising crescendo and dramatic cliff. (It's probably the reason I'm so hung up on posting the confession chapter, actually.) When a reveal or confession or transformation is finally going to happen, I see it in my head like the scenes of a movie, and I try my hardest for it to hit every beat it needs to hit before the line that reveals what's going to happen. It needs to have build up, but still an essence of shock or horror or delight—I'm just a sucker for reveals. Identity reveals, power reveals, relationship reveals. The reveal of some misunderstanding that went on too long, or the reveal of a lie that recontextualizes everything. there are SO many spots where Damian or Gwinam could've turned, quietly or loudly, but I think I choose loud just about every time, because who doesn't love a good sacrifice pay? (The love interest, of course, but that emotional heart wrenching is my fave part.)

but either way, if in that moment where Damian wasn't paying attention, he pressed just a bit too hard and got some infected blood in his palms...oh, he'd feel an immediate swoop of horror and guilt in his gut like he had just gone over the drop of a roller coaster. he might even make an audible gasp, and when someone asked if something was wrong, immediately switch on denial-repressing mode and say it's nothing. He'd be shocked back into reality, exactly like he wanted, but be in complete denial. His mind would keep straying to utter fear, sweat dripping down his neck as he wondered if this was how he was finally going to die, but when nothing happens...

It's nothing. Damian tells himself, as the campfire started to burns low and nothing had changed besides the cold sweat beading at his brow. The blood must have been dry. Or not enough. Clearly, I'm fine. This is fine.

He'd be genuinely nauseous from how guilty and scared he was from risking his life like that, but since he didn't start loosing control of his body or rationale thinking, he doesn't think much of how sick he feels.

[drawnaghht]

Yuichi Usagi is [SURNAME] [given name]

lol I've written abt it before going into more specifics & making theories, but this post is just to clear it up again as a general ref for newer fans reading old or new posts abt it and finding themself confused... edit3(15.1): rightfully so! if you've ever watched more than 5 anime or just read some manga, you might recognize that Yuichi is most commonly a given name in Japan. Even viewers familiar with japanese would have made the same assumption. But the show itself uses it as a first name, so it becomes confusing. After jan 6th we found the behind-the-scenes lore for that too.

- clearest tell in the show itself that Usagi is his first name - his auntie calls him Usagi. What auntie calls their sole nephew or close family member by their family name? ... which would have to be her own family name then too...???

Secondly. He introduces himself as Usagi the more he's in the city. First as Yuichi Usagi, but then after a few chases, he gives up and introduces himself to Kitsune as "Usagi"in the 1st episode. boy wants to be known as Usagi haha.

edit 2 (8.1.2024): as of 6.01 we have official confirmation that this is fact + a little backstory! Yuichi is the boy's surname

the whole show, all the other characters use japanese naming convention - e.g. Gen introduces himself as Murakami Gennosuke to the Bat Squadron. it seems the other younger characters call each other by given name basis because they're either all around the same age or don't feel like using family names for each other. Often characters don't have family names because they're orphans (Chizu, Kitsune, Hana). Or it's the only name they go by in general (Tetsujin, Lady Fuwa).

it's that simple! you can headcanon whatever but at least know the show itself has named him this way.

I've already written about this b4 too but Yuichi can very rarely be a family name (apparently). there might be other reasons the show crew gave him Yuichi as a family name, but if that doesn't cut it, you can always adopt my theory that he has a rare two given names.

But yeah, the show makes it clear that Usagi is his first name. It's a spinoff based on Usagi Yojimbo and some of its stories and ideas, and made by fans of the comic and Stan's work. They decided to give him this name, for whatever reasons, and it's his name used in the show. There's too much much work in the show itself for them to give him a random name either, "just because they're ignorant" or even just bc they didn't research. They clearly did or the show wouldn't have some surprising elements to it as a spinoff or as a past+future combo of japanese aesthetics.

Him and the comics' original Usagi, Miyamoto Usagi can share a first name. I know it looks confusing coming from other shows where evryone has specific names. I know it's just generally confusing as a tmnt fan... but their names and tags can co-exist as-is. maybe i don't get out enough into other shows but I've never seen a fanbase stretch themselves so into a pretzel over characters sharing their first name. also Miyamoto Usagi is based on a famous historical samurai, more precisely - Miyamoto Musashi. His movie depiction was what inspired Stan Sakai in the 80s... ppl in real life share first and last names very often so it just doesn't bother me personally that they share one name, but not their family name. So I don't get anymore why ppl are upset that his name is a combo of two first names... I believe there's also a irl children's book author named Usagi Yuichi (maybe pseudonyms being animal names is more common in japan?idk) so I wonder if the crew knew about that 🤔

clearing this up again bc every time I see someone say smth about this show and it's some misunderstanding on top of a misconception, I just wanna make a simple chart to explain things lol. but i don't know if ppl would care even. I know ppl sorta dislike this show or don't care abt it anyways. but then... why talk about it? why share info like a fan who knows or cares about it... and then it's false info... so idk, if they're not a fan, don't take them at face value, but even if they're a fan, it's easy to share info without a source and have others think it's real. Be ready for info to change or your first impressions to break. I've mostly only theorised or drawn from the show itself so far, but even things I say might change if other evidence is provided. So... lol lets all just read into this show calmly I guess.

edit (7.1.2024): lol another thing to add that I didn't think about: there's a 1000 years between the generations of Miyamoto Usagi and Yuichi Usagi. so them not having the same surname would be considered quite normal (and so far, no evidence to conclusively say that M! Usagi is a grandpa... the scene between Usagi and his auntie in the evening in ep 1 also seems to allude that there are many generations between the og era and the future era and that Usagi's auntie is speaking of her own direct great grandfather and Miyamoto Usagi separately...

Anyway. That's all! Hope this is helpful to newer fans.