#bc of the imposter syndrome <3< /div>
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eek
#theres soooooo many people here today#who r prob all gonna come to.the eagle tour#and i hate doing big crowds bc everyone doesnt fit and they just do this weird thing where like#they stay for 5 mins get 1 look at the birds then leave#and new people filter in and ask q's ive already talked about#and it throws off my whole talk script#20 people or less is ideal bc they can all see and theyre engaged and listening and able to hear me enough to want to stay for my whole bit#20 people or less usually lasts like 25ish mins#upwards of that its like. 11 mins max. which seems like the opposite of what i should be#aaaaaaaa#its so awkward when they all just. go away. im like. please i have so many more fun facts.#also there are forest service people here prayer circle for them not watching my talk <3#bc of the imposter syndrome <3
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gently places the Gale and Croissant dolls in a little box and VIOLENTLY SHAKES IT
Also here's what Karlach was right about if you forgot.
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[[ All Croissant Adventures (chronological, desktop) ]]
[[ All Croissant Adventures (app) ]]
#heeheehoohoo rubbing my little goblin hands together#what do you get when you put a guy with horrible self worth together with someone who has big imposter syndrome#we see how Gale deals with positive attention in the game#I wanted to give Croissant's pov bc my gosh how intimidating would it be to have this guy with huge main character energy-#-utterly devoted to you#once again I unintentionally made great choices for my own enjoyment by 1) being a wizard and#2) giving Croissant a bg that wasn't particularly of note#ANYWAY SORRY FOR RAMBLING AGAIN THERE WILL BE MORE OF THESE PROBABLY#HAPPY HOLIDAYS LMAO#bg3#baldur's gate 3#croissant adventures#tav#gale#gale x tav#comics#breadweave#gale dekarios
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Several Sentence Sunday
(That has absolutely occurred on a Monday but let’s not tell anyone)
I was tagged by the lovely @perfectlysunny02 & @evanbi-ckley - it should also be mentioned that this wip is dedicated to @buckevantommy and this post 🧡
———
He comes up the aisle and stops just short of the empty seat next to Tommy
“I-is it cool if I sit here?”
“Of course”
Tommy shuffles himself, as much as possible, sideways. The stranger, as it turns out, is a broad as he seemed at first glance and they end up pressed shoulder to shoulder anyway.
He’s staring out of the window, ticking off the streets in his mind as they travel, trying not to think about the warm pressure along his arm. Around the halfway mark the gentle pressure became a thunk, against his shoulder and knee. He looked across to only to be greeted by a mass of lightly curled hair and the unmistakable press of a cheek on his shoulder.
——
Very no pressure tags; @apassingbird @wikiangela @buckevantommy @buckcurls @bidisasterevankinard @epiphainie
#you could have had this this morning but I spent 3 hours staring at it bc I have imposter syndrome 🥲#I haven’t written anything for many months so here’s to getting back to it#potentially#anyway enjoy#my writing#evan buckley#tommy kinard#bucktommy#911
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Anyone else remember the little 88x31 buttons from older internet days? I've been remembering them a lot lately.
I make ffxiv ones in msp when I'm in queue or my bf is flying me around between quests.
#shoutout to anyone else who actually uses leg graze#i originally did just the two korpokkur but i made the yukinko this afternoon and its easily my favorite of the 3#and i love the moogles but they dont really fit as a button? maybe i should just make a few more stamps as a series#im not happy with the tomestone - the circuitry feels out of place to me. i want to find some other way to frame it in the button#carrots was last night because we were working on lopporit msq :3#i love the goobbue. i love goobbues ever since ffxi they're so chill#i wanna make a version of the rotting goobbue in amdapor#i love that one too#my art#88x31#idk what to tag this... its technically pixal art but i always have imposter syndrom bc i see people do INCREDIBLE pixel art illustrations#and this is just like... myspace webring hobbyist stuff#ffxiv#ill post them on twitter and bsky when i do a few more i think - right now theyre only in my carrd#and carrd makes them look really crunchy. im scared what tumblr is gonna do to them when i hit post#and i just really really really hate the sound /sweep makes - i think it should count as griefing to afk in public spaces doing it#but thats just my unpopular opinion as someone with audio sensitivity. the emote should not loop
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my doctor is putting me on another medication. I'm taking 6 different meds now, and I still have a bunch of shit that probably also needs medication that I haven't brought up yet. my pain is still unmanaged. my mental health is largely still unmanaged. I'm not looking forward to how many pills I might be taking in a year or two for now
#also I wish OTC medicine wasnt so expensive. I've been reccomend to take iron supplements and gravol but I can't. exactly afford that#and it isn't covered bc it's OTC#:/#when we were first coming to terms with being disabled and spent a lot of time in chronic illness online communities#I know we had a weird imposter syndrome thing about not taking “enough” perscription meds.#but I would kill to be only taking 2 or 3#this sucks
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yknow at this point i have drawn so many images i can draw pretty fast now. i think that's the best outcome after years of tormenting over how slow of an artist i was. mainly bc i really had no idea what i was doing, so i would spend HOURS on just a full-body character design or something of the like. of course all the practice and time spent studying anatomy or color makes things easy now (also obsession but we already know about all that)
i think its hard to learn that not all your art is precious and by that i mean of course u cant create masterpieces in a day and shouldnt torment over not being able to get something right the first time. the silly doodles all count towards something. i joke about having perpetual wips but i think my favorite thing is saving past ideas and reworking them later just to see how they changed. bc art, like people, is so dynamic. constantly changing.
and the best feeling is making the art u imagined years ago come to life or you get a bit closer to producing the work that you saw in your head. mmmmm growth.
#i think it took years of pain and frustration and i still feel uneasy about my art but i aim to improve always so i think thats a good thing#like these days i dont really care about quality or what the people will like. i just draw whatever idea and post for funsies#and i want to be able to do that for a long time 😭#all my vent post are about art bc i dont wanna be too personal online LOL but I FEEL BAD I JUST HAVE A SERIOUS CASE OF IMPOSTER SYNDROME#SORRY#but yea i read every tag and the essay length ones always make me happy like thank you. <3 for simply looking at my art. it means a lot#im at a weird part of my life sorry if i get all sentimental and wistful i just. woa. art 🧍♂️
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i keep thinking about this scene and sydney talking about how all she wants is to cook for people and make them happy and season 2 when sydney says she wants a michelin star and carmy goes ??
like is it 1) her actual dream to have a star and she just kind of didn't think it was possible bc she was consumed with her catering failure and working with carmy made her think it could actually happen
or is it 2) the highest level of success in the food industry but not acTUally what she wants (and what she wants is actually much more in the vein of michael jordan's steakhouse which is not a michelin star place) ??
#i guess season 3 will reveal which one is the case#cause ngl i was disappointed with the food aspect bc it felt like such a different vibe than the cola braised rib thing#up until she made that omelette for nat and put chips on it#that's when i was like !!!!!!!!#cooking for people to make them happy isn't the same as cooking to try and get a michelin star........ you know??#the bear#i think they can have really good food without the pressure that makes syd throw up out of anxiety#you know? and i want that for them#added thoughts: jaw saying he provides sydney with inspiration#maybe..................... she needed the inspiration to get past her feelings of imposter syndrome and feel like she's capable of more tha#just the steakhouse type food.............. you know? not that there's anything wrong with more rustic or chill restaurants#but. i can see young syd be naive and hopeful and then get knocked down by gross old men and kind of resign herself to catering or somethin#else less high pressure and with less prestige...... but carmy's like 'sure yeah you can do that. let's do it' bc he believes in her#and sees her skill.................... anyways
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bpd stop being evil evil evil evil evil send post
#and imposter syndrome both are highly evil#oughhhhh i feel like that sad ant.#can’t be productive bc of this evilness in my head#asked friend to hangout bc i can’t be productive but i think he’s busy#i probably should just try to rest anyways#at least i have lemon bars to enjoy later <3
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Made a friend at the laundromat and brought them outside :)
#bugs#tw bugs#boxelder bugs#true bugs#entomology#i think I finally figured out my special interest its silly little guys#fr tho my love for bugs and learning abt them is unmatched#after bringing it outside i was just happy stimming for like a solid minute#i had imposter syndrome for a while bc I didnt have One Main Interest like you see in media#but i do! its bugs!#theyre special little guys i love them <3
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I’ve been baking so much recently and so many people around me endlessly compliment me on it. And every time I just endlessly think about how so many of them beg me to start up an at home business for it.
#like I want to but also…#imposter syndrome creeps up on me as well#I think the thing is. I barely have free time as it is#w a full time job and my regular chores for taking care of a house#plus just the fear of monetizing a beloved hobby….#right now I think maybe I am fine w the odd job of it#where sometimes people at work will order from me stuff for birthdays or celebrations for a small gathering#I do have a big order this year tho#bc my usual guy wants 3 dozen this time instead of his usual 2 dozen of my pumpkin pie cookies#and pumpkin pie cookies are already a whole ass job for just a regular dozen#and I always make it fresh#so I don’t make them a week ahead and store them until it’s time#I do then a few days before the order#tbh it allows me to charge more#this year I’ll probably be charging him $150-160 for the order
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oooh hey. job offer get. 🌝
#if i pass bg & drug tests (extremely likely - it only takes me like 3 days tops to detox from weed) i start beginning of may#as. a banker. holy fuck#kind of getting some imposter syndrome but also they were REALLY impressed with me and think i'm gonna be amazing#and it's literally just. people and details. both of which i'm v good at. computer will do most of the math for me#a lil worried about the moral/ethical ramifications for my soul bc i don't believe money should even exist#but if i can help ppl navigate horribly fucked up incomprehensible financial systems & liberate Forbidden Money Knowledge#then i'll feel like a spy infiltrating enemy ranks#also omg the pay and benefits are EXCELLENT#i'll be making $3/hr more than my last job with better PTO and more paid holidays#and so far i think i'm gonna rly like my coworkers and the building is pretty and quiet with lots of sunlight#much smaller team and hopefully much less busy than my current job but more interesting work overall#aaaaaahhhhh#got the offer on my last day of old shitty job and GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE#v glad i won't have to worry about being unemployed for an unknown amount of time & eating up my savings#just got a cozy 2 weeks of downtime to chilllllll (and recover from psychic damage of old job jfc it looks way worse in the rearview)#ctxt#charlie vs money
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having a bad memory is just having the eternal dread that any time you confidently state something, someone's going to go "well, actually—" and also your brain is just endlessly looping all the times that's happened before, because somehow it can remember that just fine
#//juri speaks#happens with work stuff and fandom stuff and just daily life stuff and it SUCKS#it also sucks bc it like. adds to the imposter syndrome im already feeling from this degree#bc its like. yeah i got a master's but no i dont remember shit and cant easily apply anything to work settings#get back to me in 3 to 5 business days when ive done a bunch of research#and i'll still manage to be wrong
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writing a cv is going back and forth between being like "i'm the smartest person alive" and "holy shit i'm so stupit"
#ooc#moopisms#trying to apply for associate/assistant prof positions for when i graduate and i'm like ough.....#i am but a child..........#do u trust me to teach other children. do u.#anyways if u wondering why i'm not super active here rn it's bc i am fighting for my life against imposter syndrome <3
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what is this?? gurt attempting to write a fanfic that's lived in her mind for like 3 years?? the night after inventory at her store wrapped up when all she REALLY wants to go is sleep for a whole week????
#anyway I'm attempting to write a thing. maybe to use for one of my YearoftheOTP fics? or maybe not#it is such a mess so far. it starts and then promptly restarts and also switches POV at least once dfksjhsdkfjh#BUT I am WRITING!! and it is not agony to do so!! hurrah!!#I will confide in tumblr that the secret I have learned for my writing to come easily and without agony and much grief in every sentence#is to be terrifically tired first#because then my perfectionism and imposter syndrome and obsessive inner editor are all too tired to care#and the writing gremlin is free to wreak havoc all over a shiny new word document#unfortunately it's not a very sustainable technique and I cannot use it regularly#and it produces writing that#while written quickly and freely and without much trouble#has to be HEAVILY edited before it makes ANY kind of sense#but that's actually ok bc the first draft needs only to exist and that is all#so I've got probably about 1/2-3/4 of this random pointless oneshot written up tonight and mayyybe I'll be able to finish it and edit it#and then share it with the 2 of y'all who will actually care enough and have the fandom context to read it X'D#gurt says stuff#writing woes#without the woes this time!
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tw; negative vent in tags </3
#i feel like i'm not smart enough for this#i'm somewhere i dont belong and no one's figured it out yet#(hello imposter syndrome)#and i still have a week of work to catch up on before i can start the paper#which is literally due in 3 days and i havent started it yet#bc i'm tryna catch up#got up at 5 and started studying at 630am today#and now it's noon 30 and im still going#done a lot today but still so much to go#time is running out and chest is tight and my job's eating my academic ambitions alive#feel like it's all too late & i should just quit my degree#jesus fucking christ i;m too stupid for this
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chapter 4 is up on ao3 :)
Max lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding and wipes his clammy hands on his shorts. He grins from ear to ear and watches Charles do the same. He doesn't remember the last time he had fun like that. It feels freeing and a little overwhelming. Emilian97: well Max watches Charles roll his eyes at the message. “Yeah, yeah. You won. Whatever.” Max laughs at Charles who crosses his arms over his chest and pouts. He leans over to type. Emilian97: i did tell you! Emilian97: you did well though :)
help me hold onto you | T | 3/12
f1driver!max and streamer!charles
The man– Charles, Max assumes– sounds French. He loves that. He should be used to a French accent, he was forced to converse with Pierre often enough, but it sounds different coming from Charles. More melodic. Almost similar to someone he used to know once. “And that made me think,” Charles says, voice bellowing from Max’s speakers. “That it was stupid that we didn't have carrots before. Like, come on, it's a farming game.” Max has no fucking idea what the hell he is on about.
or: Max is lonely and finds Charles streaming on Twitch.
based on this prompt sent to @f1prompts
#idk why but I'm particularly nervous abt posting this one ... the perfectionism and imposter syndrome is screaming at me#so if u see any mistakes ... no u didnt#however! excited too bc i feel like the plot is rlly moving now :) next chapter a Thing happens that you may be able to spot hehe#tytytyty for all the love <3#fic: help me hold onto you
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