#bc of how thin the skin is
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They should make eczema advice that is not "stop wearing make up" thanks im already doing that. What next
#the answer for eyelids is like. Basically Nothing#bc of how thin the skin is#man. i fr might just go to urgent care and ask for prednisone. its been weeks of it being unbearable#finally bit the bullet and have started diving into the world of face cleaners#specifically looking for like. non-soap ones which the local freddy's didnt really have#aughhhh. washing my face helps for about 10 minutes and then we're back#the cream ive been using on my whole face is pretty thick i might look into a thinner one and see if there's a difference#ive been browsing reddit and some peoples' routines for eczema are terrifyingly long. i dont want to have to use that many products pls#bel speaks
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more epsilon and a jjr0
#epsilon filospec#JJR0#oc#mine#bug#blood#just a little bit#i wanted to see how they would react if punched in the nose#epsilon bleeds a lot and has thin skin on her face#her chitin-y bits are moreso around the seams of her carapace on her arms and chest#a carapace that blends into more fleshy parts?!#i also have to render it someday bc i dont think its clear- epsilons hands are sharp and rough. theyre like the ends of her “shell”#someday i will draw her wacky nervous system and organ goop
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I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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extremely extremely worried about my dog :(
#shes been eating genuinely enough for two months and losing weight like crazy still#like. shes just bones its upsetting to see#she has skin issues shes limping a lot it seems specifically one of her paws hurts her or smth#she has like. diarrhea and stuff#and the vet said her liver is enlarged which. could mean some bad things#and i wont know until next month rly#like i wont even take pics of her bc its just sad to see how Extremely thin she is#she looks like shes starving but she literally eats#and even has appetite the last week like eats enthusiastically enough that i have to put her food in the bowl that slows her down#shes excited to go on walks#like idk what is going OOOOOON
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i have conquered the evil wet box
i hate the evil wet box
i feel like i need a treat now
#i do feel better tho#i keep needing to tell myself that the new shower gel i have doesnt make my skin feel like dry old crusty newspapers#and altho i feel like i need to dunk myself in a vat of moisturiser cream still#its no where as comparibly bad as previous showergels#sanex 0% pink one btw#i have baby ass sensitive skin and also the autism sensory issues#eczema#some soaps left me with a thin coating of soap residue#never mind how much i scrubbed post shower gel#hated that too#actually autistic#i used to legit feel horrendous 3-7 days on average post shower#itchy and dry no matter what cream i used#now thats down to maybe an hour (depending how bad the eczema is)#i hate it when the “how often do you shower” polls and posts come around bc im well aware i should be showering more but like#i hate it so much for so many different reasons
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and next up, unfortunately, the horrors
#the horrors being winter + mental illness#maybe just getting over some complexes created by the previous years#but it sucks#its hard#i hear criticism and rear up like an animal in a cage#im acting like my dad 😭😭😭#and sometimes its not wven criticism but just an accurate view of MEEE#and it sounds slightly bad in tone when they say it so i end up full of offense#ugh#why am i so sensitive#is my skin really so thin#can someone shake my insecurities off of me#i just dont know how to. articulate myself well#and unfortunately i am seen by others and that means they have opinions and thoughts#and theyre not even wrong! so like. why am i upset#i wish i could talk to someone#and i can! but i dont! for some reason?#am i waiting to be given an okay?#i Do have a thing en where im worrying im talking too much and asking too much#so yeah. i probably am.#which sucks! bc no one can read my mind to give it to me!#its been so hard to feel like a person again#and im still doing it wrong I think!!! otherwise this wouldnt be happening!!!#not to have mid winter suicidal ideation but#these problems feel too hard to solve and i dont think im getting it#i wish i didnt have to deal with any of this at all and i mean none of it#i wish nobody cared about me and i wasnt here#id miss river tho so :/ nevermind lol
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#i have been lying around with the urge to like um erase myself teeheeeeeeeeeeee#i love having a thin skin and also gng through PMS and also just being idk someone who hates themselves a lot hahahaahahahaha#I JUST WENT TO FUCKING THERAPY FOR MY FEELINGS OF NEEDING TO BE USEFUL AND KEEP PEOPLE HAPPY#JUST LAST WEEK#WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKKKKKKKKKK#MENTAL HEALTH IS SO MUCH FUCKING HARD WORK I HATE IT HERE#IVE BEEN FEELING TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST ALL DAY TODAY AND THIS STUPID THING JUST DETONATED#AND ITS A FUCKING SUNDAY I HAVE TO GO TO WORK TOMORROW KNOWING I FEEL LIKE ABSOLUTE SHIT AT WORK#i feel like everyone probably hates me AND they should bc im so useless#AND IM SOMEHOW SUPPOSED TO UNLEARN NEEDING TO FEEL NEEDED????? WTF?????????????? GIRLLLLLLLLLLL I DONT HAVE THAT KINDA SELF ESTEEM L O L#i mean we all know hahaha yeah self esteem its something ure supposed to build yourself! it takes work!#I DONT WANNA DO THE WORK IT SUCKS HERE WHY CANT EVERYONE JUST LOVE ME AND FOR ME TO BE AWESOME AND FLAWLESS OMG IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR#fuck i know it is. and im supposed to sit down and imagine sitting down with some older fucking wise self and idk sit down and watch myself#so i can see how my brain is beating me up for jack shit but god its painful to even think about#and dinner is happening soon and i dont have any excuse for not gng to the dinner table soon#meanwhile im having a breakdown lolllll gotta pretend everything is fine and im not losing my mind so my parents wont call me a lil bitch :)#NEGATIVITY#i hate how much suicidal ideations are imprinted into my brain hehehehehehehe
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if saiki’s petrification can be stopped by glasses, does that mean that he can look at other people who have glasses on without his own, and they’ll be fine?
#the psykickers (someone tell me how to spell that pls) all get glasses so saiki can see the world without it being Green.#kuniharu's naturally immune unless kusuo makes an effort#actually his xray vision might just negate the green bc its not as thick as human skin yk#every time he blinks the world goes green for like half a second#akechi would get those big bottlecap ones dont try to lie#aiura gets those novelty ones that spell stuff out (she also gets normal rounded ones bc kusuo bullied her into it)#toritsuka i think would get thin wired ones bc he didnt wanna look like a nerd but hed also maybe get a few more#he mostly just uses sunglasses to seen cool tho. it doesnt work.
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🫶
#rambling a little bit but just thinking!! wait gonna be talking abt wei//ght just heads up#but like thinking abt . how when i was super skinny i alwaysss was so focused on how i had to stay skinny/be thinner#but now that ive gained some weight it’s like . im soooo much more comfortable in my body#it’s not a constant anxiety thing to be/stay super skinny bc im not!! im just existing & i dont owe anyone thinness!!!#like before i liked my body bc it was thin. now i like my body abt 10000x more and it’s bc im actually comfortable in my skin now!! like i#dont have that constant anxiety abt how i look to other people & idk im just rly proud of how much ive grown out of the deeply shitty#mindsets/beliefs abt wei/ght that i had as a teen#also im just hot now . like 10000000x hotter w my body as it is rn n i love it 🫶🫶#probably shld have censored ghis better so weirdos arent in my notes but What Ever . i will delete it later but right now i am taking a Nap
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“[…] loss of family (birth or found), fear of corruption (physical or spiritual), and lack of self-belief (the grove, the shadow curse). they’ve dogged him for years in different forms” I’M FINE
#* halsin.#ive only ever had orin-as-yenna so ive never had his camp scene#but this interrogation of like… how out of place he feels in the city. how thin his skin feels#how in this place the beast threatening to break loose could cause so much carnage#and that Terrifies him because this is not a place for wild things#he is always nervous about losing control in that way and harming others but the ways in which that interacts with Society tm…#[also something about pestilence/plague as something that particularly terrifies him bc obviously he lost his family that way BUT ALSO]#[in a spiritual sense of perversion of nature and premature death]
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People in r/piercings will show their fresh piercing that is being held into their body by a fucking Prayer at this point and be like Guys is this rejecting :{
#One time saw someone asking that and you could see the bar Through their skin bc of how thin it had become#chittering
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#hello darkness my old friend. I have insomnia again#it seems i wont get back to sleep. making this the 4th night in a row of 4 to 5hrs sleep. woof#is it insomnia or am i on the bleeding edge of hyp0mania? idk its weird. i can feel the strain in my head#my thoughts dont connect as well. its like im being pulled in two directions. my brain becoming spaghettified. growing thin around the#middle. but im not as tired as one might expect. ive been pretty productive and optimistic but anxiety and internal restlessness are up#like im tired but also i need to get up and pace around. maybe jump up and down. maybe run in circles.#the energy comes in waves. sitting in lectures or sitting for the extended addition of l0tr has been somewhat unbearable#bc im so contained. i would not ever get up and walk around while those things were happening but i desperately wanted to#ugh. whats my problem? who's to say. could also b the medication. i see the psychiatrist next week and i think ill beg to b put back on#lam1ctal. just bc when i was taking it on a super low does i had a week or feeling the most normal i think i ever have in my life#anxiety and evil thoughts were so small and i felt happy in a way im not sure i ever have been#like i think under normal circumstances i just have a low capacity for joy. at most i feel neutral. like i was telling my friends how i#might do some field work in winter and they were enthusiastic abt it and i kno y bc it sounds cool but idk i just dont feel anything abt it#i cant see past the pain it will take to get there. and i mean mood wise i feel alright on 4bilify like in a nutral way but stable isnt#the same as feeling happy. but maybe its all just in my head. 25mg lam1ctal shouldnt b enough to b effective#but idk i think im just sensitive to the chemicals in my body. including hormone fluctuations. idk. i hope she lets me switch.#itll b a pain in the ass to readjust in terms of going off what im on now and it might not work#but theres literature on retrying lamicta1 and they say to avoid inflammatory reactions in the first 2 months. which i did not do. oops#not that i was trying. i didnt think abt it until id had a million holes poked in my skin and was experiencing a mild tatt00 allergy#ugh. anyway. tbh id prefer this being hyp0mania vs insomnia bc then at least i can continue to function a bit during the day#ive never done anything that wild while hyp0manic aside from injure myself from over exercising and make bad choices in how i spend time#ie become insane abt something and not b able to think abt anything else. ugh. and i guess at this point ive tentatively accepted the idea#of being bip0lar. so i swear to christ if i was misdiagnosed ill b so mad. its just that if i fill out an 4dhd and bip0lar checklist. i#get a way heavy positive with bip0lar and the 4dhd is meh. so i think i just have overlap in symptoms due to dyslex1a and 4utism#ugh. me and my collection of diagnoses. so it goes#unrelated
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I need white people to shut the fuck forever about how scars form and heal, and how they "aren't that bad looking" when talking to dark skinned people
Yeah a white scar doesn't look that bad or obvious on your white ass skin, but when I'm multiple shades darker than you a bold white scar IS PRETTY FUCKING OBVIOUS
#supremely pissed at the advice I've been given by my white friends#i was treating my wound to the best of my knowledge to ensure i had minimal scaring (bc its in an area i want tattooed in the future)#and then they go and give me advice and are like and even if it scars it should be fine it'll fade and then you wont notice it!#like no you dipshits. it fades on YOUR skin because you're white and a white scar eventually bleeds into the background of your skin#since i started following their advice you can see an obvious demarcation in my wound healing from thin minimal dark scar to now a wider#white and stretched scar#im so unbelievably angry rn that i let them convince me otherwise#i dont mind having scars this isn't a beauty thing. its a practical thing. yeah ik you can get tattoos over scars if you pay good money#but shocker i didnt want to have to pay more money than I would have had my cut healed properly#like man oh man you'd think id know how deep wounds heal on dark skin after having it all my life and seeing how my parents wounds healed#also you can lighten dark marks on skin like scars or those fade on my skin. giant white scar tissue doesnt darken to match my skin#so believe it or not i planned and thought about this in depth. im just so angry i let them change my mind and now theres nothing i can do
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^_^
#anyway has anyone else noticed that folks love having young white thin characters as nonbinary and if it’s anyone else outside of that#those folks usually aren’t the focus ? anyway . anyway . it’s the same ppl imo who make those he/they and she/they posts makin gender roles#it’s very interesting! + if not white then the characters are light skin. and often times like.. theyre east asian men just being east asian#bc ppl don’t know how to be normal . anyway#boss.txt
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It's hard to address sometimes - like, I definitely have friends who will say the "I need to lose weight because it's fine for other people to be fat but that's just not the look I want for me" and how do I say that mindset is literally half the problem? Or at least a result of the problem anyway
this post reminded me of this ~scenario~ that happens to me and other fat folks quite often! thin folks that are our friends, support fat folks, but haven’t quite had the time or chance or willingness to unlearn fatphobic ideas in relation to themselves. we know you still think of fatness as inherently unhealthy and unattractive, work on it ♥
#and it's a really awkward position for me#as someone who was never more than a kind of chubby and ended up skinny through. food allergy bullshit.#but either way then it's just my thin ass that's constantly trying to stay on top of eating because i don't want to go dropping weight again#talking to someone who's not skinny and it ends up feeling like anything i say is going to come off all plastic and rude ig idk#but it's just. the emphasis on skinniness is fatphobia. if the idea of yourself being fat is not aesthetically pleasing it's internalized#and it's the internalized stuff that's hardest to get rid of#but how tf am i supposed to say 'look. i get that you think you personally would look better if you were thinner. the reason you think that#is because society has sold you on this idea that fatness is wholly unappealing and that a person being fat is something to be ashamed of#it's as much a matter of aesthetics as dark skinned people wishing they were lighter skinned. obviously i believe that's how you feel but#consider why it is you feel that way in the first place. it's a societal prejudice that has wormed its way into your sense of self#and it's harder to divorce that from yourself than to accept other people bc you are stuck with yourself 24/7.'#anyway lol if anybody has advice on how to address that with highly reactive friends who are much heavier than me my asks are open#bc frankly i end up just not saying anythin at all bc i feel like anything i say will just come off wrong because my experience is different
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