#bc it was the only thing I ever drew until I was like 11

[cry-ptidd]

I know we all compare Alucard to a cat (rightfully so, the resemblance is uncanny) but have yall ever had a dachshund? Those adorable little shits are so clingy to the point where they want to crawl into your skin (and even that probably wouldn’t combat their clinginess)

I've never owned a dachshund

However

That sounds exactly like Alucard so

Hellsing au where everything is the same except Baskerville is a dachshund

[noodle-made-a-mistake]

A short list of things that bother me about the Magisterium canon:

Forgive me in advance for rambling, I have to get these thoughts out of my brain lmao (also it's been a couple years so correct me if I'm wrong! (I really hope I’m wrong on some of these :’) )) Spoilers ahead obviously!

● The lack of Calron :(

● Not taking the opportunity to develop Tamara's character and keeping her static until she's randomly just different. Strong female characters aren't just skilled and perfect until their one flaw (usually it's having feelings like any other human being) is revealed shockingly (that's just sloppy characterization), they should be crucial to the plot and not overlooked in favor of developing other characters (from what I remember she literally was my favorite while reading the series until she just got annoying (??) after a while, of course that could just be because the story is told through Call's perspective but still)

● The entire school system that I need more info on bc it sounds so unthought out and not like something that has existed for hundreds of years

● The forceful nature of making people serve as masters?? That makes no sense? Like, “Congratulations on not dying during your schooling or in the war(s), your prize is forced labor 👍.”

● Also THE COLLEGIUM WAS MENTIONED AND NEVER ELABORATED UPON

● TGT. Least favorite book. Get out. Tgt truthers how do you do it??

● The Maugris plot twist. It destroys the meaning behind the past four books. It's just so uncalled for and frankly just sloppy ig? I love the idea in a way, but only if it's foreshadowed from the beginning. Also I'm too attached to the complicated dynamic of Alastair raising his possible ex-bestie for it to end up like that

● The fact that the iron trio is out of school for half the series, I'd like to know what's normal, y'know??

● THE LACK OF ELABORATION ABOUT THE FIRST GEN I WANT TO KNOW MORE I HAVE TO KNOW MORE

● They did my man Constantine especially wrong, give him some ✨️character✨️ aside from E V I L and problematic (trademark) and charming (???)

● AND ALASTAIR GOD TELL ME MORE?? He's characterized as distant and obviously traumatized with his hate of his magic involved past but I just need to know what that past was like. Like who was he before his dead wife syndrome?? Idk but I'd of liked any excuse to know more about it just so I can understand him more??

● Please give me a single character trait of Declan's?? Like he was mentioned a handful of times and that's all we got. He was just some guy and I am hating it !!

● And Sarah. Like. She was a mom and liked peace as a concept but she also made a cool ass knife. That's a lot of things left up for interpretation. And I know Call wasn’t allowed to ask questions for plot reasons but god i wish he had more information about his own dead mother for Christ's sake

● Also other than a victim, who was Jericho? I need to know who this kid who drew scribbles in the margins of his very important journal while writing about how he was slowly being killed was. What was his relationship really like with his brother if he was so scared to say that he was dying or what gave him the impression that he didn't care?? It's fascinating and I need him under a microscope immediately

● Also the lack of queer representation until the last two books. AND THEN IT WASN'T EVEN ANY OF OUR MAIN CAST. Literally the saddest L ever :(

● AND AARON WAS NEVER CONFIRMED QUEER LIKE WHAT THE FUCK JUST L O O K AT HIS CHARACTER AND INFACT ALL OF OUR CORE CAST IS AT LEAST BI LIKE C O M E O N (ik they're like kids but even I knew I was not straight when I was like 11 and i lived in the most conservative non-LGBTQ-friendly town known to man)

● Low key, callmara was so bad, like I love them but not the way it happened, horrible set up. Tamara deserved so much better and to not have her entire character destroyed by becoming a love interest. I wish they thought about her as an independent character instead of the means to implement a romantic subplot in tgt, they did so good in the first books with that

● Also there's no elaboration on what chaos is. It's the mystical 5th element. Wow! Let's go girl, give us nothing! You'd think that if Makaris were so exceptionally rare and special that we'd get some explanation on how they come to be and what it is exactly that they can control but we're just left to assume it's the special "chosen one" type of thing. Idk it bothers me for some reason :/

That's just off the top of my head and it's been years since I read the series all the way through (I should do a reread soon). For the most part I adore this funky series and I hate to bash it but I felt the need to ramble about it's shortcomings because I'm not crazy, right?? It had so much potential! Anyway, I'm sort of glad for the blanks in the story despite complaining about them because it leaves room for fics and fan interpretations that I always love to see, but on the other hand, I'd like for the story to feel finished and not like a last minute science fair project.

Thanks for sticking around for my late night rambling lmao

[rimupon]

Youjo Senki proves that morally bankrupt women are in fact the greatest character type ever

EXACTLY. YOU GET IT.

Listen, I know we're tanya connoisseurs here, but. if youre interested in morally bankrupt women can i interest you in my other dearest blorbo: Alina Gray from the Madoka spin off

She is everything to me. She's an artist. She speaks exclusively in third person. She's Italian Sort Of. She tried to kill herself as an art piece. She wants to destroy the world. She makes witches feed on each other and become stronger bc she wants to make art out of them. She's Gay and Homicidal. She's perfect. I love her. 11/10 no notes.

I drew her very quickly with Tanya once upon a time but i should do it again bc if they ever met it would go horribly.

im putting this under a cut bc i suddenly got passionate

one thing I do want to say is that i personally believe the anime adaption did her dirty and kind of stifled her character a bit compared to the game. when the anime was airing, i saw a few posts claiming it was unfair to criticize and rag on the anime bc it didnt have the time to adapt Every Single Bit Of Content from the game, that would be impossible. and yknow i get that to an extent.

but she's literally a main antagonist. the LEAST they could do was try to show a portion of her background to explain the reason she is the way she is.

the way they present her just feels like it boils her down to the 'Insane Artist' trope whos fucking around for funsies, which yknow can be fun, i fw it whatever. BUT SHE HAS SO MUCH MISSED POTENTIAL D:

SHOW US WHO SHE IS! SHOW US HOW SHE FEELS ROBBED OF HER PERSONAL PRIVACY. SHOW US HOW SHE FEELS USED BY THE ADULTS AROUND HER. SHOW US HER RELATIONSHIP WITH KARIN. SHOW US HER STRUGGLE WITH HER IDENTITY. OR HER STRUGGLE WITH HER ART OR PEOPLES EXPECTATIONS OF HER. HOW SHE SEES HERSELF VS WHAT EVERYONE THINKS OF HER VS HOW SHE TRULY IS.

SHOW US THE REASON SHE'S ACTING AS AN ANTAGONIST??? BC I WAS SO UNIMPRESSED BY THE SHIT THEY EXPLAINED IN THE ANIME THAT I LITERALLY FORGOT IT. SO I REWATCHED THE EPISODE TO ANSWER THIS ASK AND REALIZED THEY DIDNT EXPLAIN JACK SHIT. SHE JUST MONOLOGUED ABOUT HER PLAN.

also shes barely relevant until last minute. also also they didnt even show her with karin at all, and only included her as a 2 second cameo after the credits.

this devolved into a rant. im sorry. I have so many issues with the magireco anime's ending. point is, her game backstory + the game backstory for holy alina too are required reading if u feel up for it. or u could read the wiki thank you for listening.

[mixedkid-matchup]

you do not have to answer this!! I'm using you to confess my dubious feelings for the Percy Jackson series bc you also expressed like some weird feelings about it, and I kind of thought the series was untouchable bc of how much everyone I see fawns over it, and I have GOT to get this off my chest to someone who might get what I'm saying. But I have major issues with the writing/premise/series bc it's just feels so deeply colonized and it's bothered me since it FIRST came out and everyone in middle school and high school was reading it and teachers were assigning it. Like the whole premise for the Greek gods being in the US is that they follow Western "progress" and it completely disregards all the amazing things Indigenous did and our way of life, and also removes the importance of place-based culture for both Greek stories and Native peoples (like okay all the Greek stuff moved to the U.S. but wth happened to all our spiritual figures?? The story completelya cts like Native people weren't here and didn't have complex beliefs and ways of life connected to the land, and the gods were just free to take over here with no issues). As a mixed Indigenous kid it just rubs me wrong in all the worst ways and the academic systems love affair with Greek and Roman stuff and Rick Riordan's sheer popularity has been forcing this stuff in my face foreveeeerrrr 😭😭 I was surprised to see your tags about the fandom being weird before too tho since I don't interact with it, so I hope you don't mind this ask and just know I kinda feel the same way!! Ok thanks bye sorry for the rant.

BRO I HAVE HAD THIS RANT ON HAND FOR A LONG TIME ITS OKAY!!!!!!!!!

I THINK IF HEARD ABOUT THIS ACTUALLY. but you explained it way better. like when i first read percy jackson ok fine i was 11, i obviously caught onto the ableism and such but i did not catch onto this until i thought about it when i got older. you're super right. the whole thing about ww2 being caused by demigods was the weirdest shit ever i literally did not remember reading it until i read lightning thief again last year. why did hitler need to be child of hades. THAT IS QUITE LITERALLY HOW PERCY DESCRIBES HADES WHEN HE SEES HIM. LOOKING LIKE HITLER. then what you're saying how they move with the places that are the most progressive and basically take over..... like it's just ..... incredibly misplaced and insensitive.

but about the fandom being weird (its literally encouraged by riordan's book tbh), in heroes of olympus, hazel is a black girl from lousiana in the 1930s?? or 40s idk anyways i think she dies and then nico brings her back. whatever, everyone draws her lightskin and with orange hair, and super skinny, (which she's from louisana. shes darkskin and does not have "caramel" hair i hate white men sometimes.) and shes like 13 btw and in a relationship with frank whos like 16. weird as hell and everyone thinks theyre so sweet. and also rick cannot write meaningful young women. and especially not girls of color. like its WEIRD how piper is portrayed as some pick me girl she constantly feels the need to express shes not like the Aphrodite girls. and rick had to make it weird with aphrodite anyway by making them a whole stereotype of snobby boys and girls who love putting on makeup. they had drew, an asian girl & counselor of aphrodite, straight up mean to piper bc she likes jason. like for no other reason. drew only wants to participate and go on the quest because of jason. and other stereotypes like making leo, latine, be super flirty.

and lets really talk about how annoying annabeth was about the blondes are dumb stereotype because, girl we can talk about misogyny and people not letting you do things because of it, but lets also talk about how you are TWELVE, and the blonde stereotype is tired. i never liked annabeth, she was really tone deaf as someone whos half black. OH AND FRANK. they had this weird ass arc where they implied he was fat because of lack of confidence? like when he got confident he, lost weight... because of a blessing of mars? i dont even know.

like as i get older its more and more annoying to see it. i literally rolled my eyes when i saw rick talking about colorblind casting when people got mad about annabeth. he could of said anything else. how this could reconceptualize annabeth's arc around misogyny and now racism. and purposely alter her character to fit this new black annabeth. but no. people treat colorblind casting as a pinnacle of progressiveness.

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw pedo, confusion, family.

sometimes i feel like my dad may be a pedo. not that i caught him with any porn of that sort, his stash was completely adult related when i used to see it scattered around the house and what not. i was hyper as a child and unfortunately viewed such things every time. he's never done anything to me that i know of, except once he roughly spanked me as a teen which i felt very violated from in a bad way type of touch feeling. i was pretty confused.. they also shamed me for being sexual (getting caught in school making jokes with a friend and drawing dicks n writing things about teachers) which they ended up seeing and ofc i felt guilt bc they were disappointed in me and shamed me, banned me from watching shows and what not. couldn't even have a phone bc they didn't trust me. this was up til 11 years old to 14.

ive been sexualised my whole life. shaming me for wearing clothes that expose my figure, I was only 14 when an uncle apparently commented on me saying how im dressed inappropriate bc he can see my shape.. mind you, i was fully clothed head to toe. i didn't know about this until my parents mentioned it in anger, implying its my fault basically. yeah u get the gist of it. my whole life ive felt uncomfortable. getting looks from people and even my own family.

i remember being in my early 20s my mom mentioned this to me bc I said how my dad would be harsh. she said its bc of ur actions, also holding what i drew and wrote in school still against me. i was only 11/12?? but what's even crazy, she said i wrote those things about my own dad. yes. my mind was shocked how she could even say such things. and yet she believed that even tho I said it wasn't even about anyone except a teacher. so, i know my mom holds jealously and resentment of this. probably thinking ill steal her man vibe, which is gross. I felt extremely gaslight, I always have with them.

since their messed up minds think that idk if that's why he behaves weird with me. i know he's a pervert but this is just. there was a show we would watch and he was very obsessed with the girl. (She was 17, same age as me) and i found that so bizarre. my mom simply didn't gaf. I even said its wrong but no one cares. his obsession was unhealthy, finding pics of her and searching up explicit scenes of her which I found on his search.

its like its so normalised. she's like the age of ur daughter wtf. ig since then its just been confusing for me bc I've been gaslight badly. idk if i ever got abused by him bc i don't really remember such happening. i only had a sexual dream with him once which was strange. he does take offguard pics of me which I hate and tell him to delete but he never does. he gives me weird looks and i hate dressing up bc of it. they make me feel ashamed of myself and disgusted. I feel like a whore, like im begging for this.

I'm glad I haven't had any weird touches or anything, but its still uncomfortable with the energy that lingers around. like im always reminded when they give me certain looks esp my mom. i feel like im going insane just thinking of everything. i wish things were normal but they really ain't are there

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through.

I can see how being shamed for being sexual or making sexual jokes may have influenced the way you view your own sexuality, especially at such a formative age. It's saddening and frustrating to hear that your family seems to normalize victim blaming. It's gross that your uncle made that comment, not only because you were a child, but because it implies he was looking to see your "shape". The comments that your mom made towards you are not okay either. The things that you found out about your dad are also quite disturbing and predatory.

Even if you dad hasn't touched you or anything like that, he still does some harmful things and it's valid to be upset or traumatized by that. I think a lot of this, especially with the example of your uncle, could count as sexual harassment.

It makes sense to be uncomfortable with the environment that your family creates. Your wish for things to be normal is completely understandable, and I'm sorry you've been having to put up with this. Please know that there's nothing you could've done to deserve being abused, and you don't deserve to be disgusted at yourself for things that aren't your fault.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[vonkarma2]

5 + 11 + 20‼️

5. Anything you haven’t drawn yet but want to?

Ugh yes like 800000 things Im literally dying. A lot of them are like more elaborate ideas that I want to wait until I have more skill to try to execute them, even though trying to do things you don’t yet have the skill for is literally how you improve but whatever. other than wips Im working on rn I wanted to do all the og crows bc I have some design ideas for all of them but I wanted to check first on some things I’ll do that later. The pipe dream I have is to one day do like an animatic to a song or whatever. Cringe I know but it’s ok. Not even like a full song maybe 30-60 seconds? I might attempt it this summer I’ll have time then.

11. Favorite comment you’ve ever recieved on your work?

this is not only the nicest thing anyone has ever said abt my work, but also possibly the nicest compliment anyone has ever paid to someone else’s art, in history. nicer than what that guy said in the dr who vincent van gogh episode. it was a while ago and over some drawings I didn’t even like that much but it was so nice :,)

but ofc every nice comment people leave I really like and appreciate it and thank you sm and et cetera 

20. What works have you drawn fanart of?

Im going to answer this for since I started doing digital art regularly in 2021 because before then I was exclusively into incredibly embarrassing things. Not counting the OCs of people I personally know as fan art Ive done wolf 359, witch hat atelier, jason bourne franchise I guess (drew him literally 1 time lol), ace attorney, star trek ds9, wings of fire (I drew a generic icewing once because I had art block), the owl house, teppu, our fair city (these drawings will never see the light of day lol), the new albion radio hour, monster high, moon knight (2016 comics not the show), revolutionary girl utena, the movie encanto, tf2, nichijou, mob psycho 100, and paranatural. which is way way way more things than I thought there would be. this is over the course of 2.5 years to be fair and most of these have only 1 or 2 drawings to their name. The vast majority of what I draw these days is OCs for sure.

[alec-1016]

hi, this is a sleep-drunk vent session. pls feel free to ignore

cw: childhood.(idk, its not trauma, but it wasnt pleasant), internalized ableism, internalized transphobia, internalized misogyny, depression, anxiety, mentions of ed, sh and su1cide

also spelling errors

so, i just wanna vent abt liking shit. i grew up in a very privileged house, w both my parents being uni professors, so it was a very...intellectual house

i also grew up autistic. i was very often praised for being "good", quiet, smart, speaking in words too advanced for my age, reading and writing abovd my grade level, etc. so it kinda became "obvious" that i would become intellectually inclined, like my parents and older sisters

oh yeah, there is an eleven year age gap between me and my older sister, and a fourteen year gap begween me and my oldest sister. i grew up with adults.

there were barely any chdren for me to play w outside of school, so i decided i was better off alone. i read, drew, madr up complex imaginary scenarios in my head. i also tried to listen in and even participate in the adults discussions, and that also got me praise. i have always been a people pleaser.

so after i grew a bit, by like, middle school, i thiught i couldnt like kids things anymore. but i ciuldnt like teen things either bc i wasnt old enough for that. so i didnt really like stuff. i hid my special interests(harry p*tter🤢🤢 and riordanverse, mostly) from basically everyone, and threw myself into school

i have had anxiety ever since i can remember, and some symptoms of depression presented as early as 11. i have a cousin that is also deeply depressed, and that has been throigh roigher patchrs than i have. i always saw her as kinda my reslomsability, bc i was "well" and she wasnt. well, bc of all that, she loved to make fum of me. her parents used to unintentionally put us against each other and compare us, bc i wad the golden child and she was FUCKING DEPRESSED AND DIDNT LIKE SCHOOL BC PPL KEPT BULLYING HER AND COMPARING HER TO ME.

she made fun of everything i liked, and sometimes i even discovered that she liked the stuff too, she just wanted to seem batter than me in something. which i got at the time, and still get, but it fucking hurt and it made me fearful of ever liking things, in fear of being made fun of

which takes me to another place: school. i was made fun of for basically everything, and i just recently realized i was bullied for my autistic traits: not getting jokes and sarcasm, speaking differently, being too nerdy, too shy, too stupid, too slow, too much. i was always too much and never enough at the same time, never enough for ppm to like me

dont get me wrong i had friends. some amazing ppl that i still hold dear, some not so much. but it was hard knowing most of my class didnt care for me.

i also went through a "not like other girls" phase, where i thought if i liked boybands, tvshows, celebrities, gossip, etc, i was the most vain and uninteresting human being to ever exist, and no one would like me. so i forced myself to walk away. i didnt have a boyband phase or a tv show i binged untill i was 14/15, bc i didnt let myself get invested. i thought only "interesting, non basic" " girls" got to live their romances that i always dreamed of.

i got really hooked on shadowhunters through 2019 and 2020, even attended an online con that i almost didnt tell my mom abaout because i was so ashamed and scardd of being seen as...a kid, that i was(am). i didnt want to be immature enough to invest myself on celebrity gossip and tv shows. i was supposed to study, maybe read some ya books, but mostly classics.

throught he pandemic i got hit with some of my worst depressive episodes, suicidal thoughts, body dysmorphia, disordered eating, anxiety and gender dyphoria. and guilt for feeling all of those while being in a very orivileged situation.

so i turned inwards, like i always did, eps when things got difficult. i read and re-read so many books, binge watched tv shows, barely talked to anyone outside of class. i started letting myself like things, but still felt guilty at every turn, which fueled all of my worst instincts

i still feel guilty for liking "stupid" things. for liking tv shows and thirsting over characters and rereading books and following popular creators. i dont wanna lose the label of "smart" that i always thought was my best quality.

i still try no to show i like things, recently ive been hyperfixated on titans, esp. brenton thwaites and dick grayson bc i am a massive bisexual w a massive crush. and i wanna fo something that i always try to do when i like/obsess with an actor: watch as much of their fulms as i can. even if they are bad. even if they had the budged of 5 dollars plus a camera. i dont care. but i feel so fucking stupid for not caring bc it shouldnt be some pretty face that draws me to a film

it should be the photography(which i absolutely love, btw) or the theme, or the director or whatever it is film buffs use to pick movies. this is where the internalized transphobia and misogyny come in at full force: society doesnt let teenage girls get away with liking anything w/o being made fun of. they are called obsessed, crazy, stalkers, vain, stupid, dumb,etc. and i feel like i am. that is the worst.its as if i agree w all those horrivle things ppl say abt girls and liking things, and it makes me dysphoric. it is so weird how this abstract conceot of being seen as a vain stuoid teen girl can make me feel bad abt my identity.

(btw girls who like stuff. yall are the backbone of yhis site, you are smart, creative, funny, and i lovs you with all my heart)

i also realized i dont know how to a man in fandom.how to be a fanboy and not a fangirl. is it any different? do i have to be more closed off? do i have to speak less? was i actually right to shut up abt my interests this whole time? is that part of the masculine in me? if so, why does it hurt so much, when being masc in every other way feels soo good, so freeing?

this is much longer than it was intended or ever needed to be, and yet it covers like, half of my psychological issues lol.

this is me trying to give myself permussion to watch other works w brenton thwaites lol

if you relate in ny way shaoe or form to this, i am sorry, i love you, and you are allowed to like things.

[byghostface]

Bring out a life/death cycle to each other. Plus they don't have healthy relationships with their families.

Have you ever considering Daminika? They're right there. And the personalities you describe in your post are just Damian and Nika.

When Damian killed Nika with an aggressive kick unexpectedly, he held onto Nika's wrist and stayed there and didn't let go until she came back to life. That's a life/death cycle and a meaningful one to Damian for him to realize that he actually cares about her and his passion to live the life he wants and needs his friend's and family's support while he still has it.

-[Robin(2021)#7]-Artist: Gleb Melnikov-

Nika cares about Damian a lot too and cares enough to steal back the shojo manga that he owns from XXL and then read it trying to understand him(during his disappearance on island), found the chance to speak to Damian when he's back on tournament and return it to him . And talk to him first about her family's views on her and the backstory of her becoming Lord Death Man's sidekick.

-[Robin(2021)#6 and #11]-Artist: Gleb Melnikov-

Then Damian chose to open up a bit to Nika about his family issues when Nika brought up the shojo manga again. And she told him her name. You can't tell me they don't have something going on and no build up, no chemistry.

And you want to take his development and Nika's importance to him away? Why? Just like how every time Damian gets the character regression treatment when he has changed to a new writer? Y'all just want Nika to be gone, and throwing excuses to erase her without sounding like a hater, when you clearly have fumes with her.

I said it was because people start shipping that crap bc this post so stop lying to yourself if it's not started by Damijon shipper out of spite, and you all flock to it.

Like, can you imagine if like things don't work out between her and Damian(🤞) and now one of the Super Son's enemies are his ex and his half-brother who hates his guts. Like imagine ALL THE ANGST!

Please for the love of god leave Nika and Respawn alone and stop spreading lies that will only bring indirect hate to the characters, you are mean to them by putting them as made up toxic characters in your head. You don't care about them both, leave them alone!!! You just want to use them as tools to fuel your own ship when you don't need to doing all that.

Like I said shipping Nika with Damian's half-brother and calling it angst is plain foul, what do you mean by that when Nika in canon clearly cares about Damian and the only direct interaction she had with Respawn is her being annoyed by him jabbing about her and Damian. Or maybe you just don't bother reading the actual comics to learn their characters and started pulling nonsense out of thin air.

I DO NOT hate Flatline by any means. In fact, I feel like she's pretty cool! Fun, actually! I think she has so much potential!

If what you said is true than maybe read the comic that had featured Nika. For example, in the newest #6 issue of Batman and Robin where Damian develops his relationship with Nika onwards. And learn more about her from her creator-Joshua Williamson who is the writer of this run same as Robin(2021)

Daminika just started to develop their relationship, so maybe you can see what Damian and Nika had in store in the current comics run and nourish this instead of pulling your hardest to talk over what they actually had and put them in the wired situations and pretend you're not doing it with bad intentions.

-[Batman and Robin(2023)#6]-Artist: Nikola Cizmesija- (look how cute they are, the bright light shines behind them and the bats flying around them…They both smiling, blushing and so happy to see each other again<3)

Respawn it's a character I feel pity for in his situation but don't like as a character that affects Talia and Ras' character( the reason I only drew him with Rose's interaction so far ). He is like Damian's half-brother and Rose's half-brother, and the proshipper already acting gross with that fact alone. Not to mention Damian and Respawn are almost like twins. And as a twins myself, I'm so sick and tired of the sh!t ppl made up in media about twins, and the gross proshipping always acts up about it (plus the sick side of fetish of a love triangle involving twins, and brothers, sisters in general). And then I have to sit there thinking to myself should I bother to draw Damian and Respawn as cute brothers with Rose, or would the harmless siblings art I could make would backfire on me with the damn porshipper showing up in my notifications? I think not, no thank you. And the sad fact that I do have fanart of Respawn for his character lore(not for shipping reason unlike some ppl), but thinking about the weird ppl in fandom towards the sibling characters just makes me more depressed and don't want to post it at all.

Then again if you don't like daminika I need you to stop your weird imagination of them breaking up and pulling sh!t onto their fresh developing relationship and leave my girl alone‼️( Damian I'm sorry I can't save you, the already existing fandom is rotting with proshipper for you😞)

Also, I woke up to a damira3 fan artist drawing Raven over Nika in the comic hug panel on Twitter(x) ( drawing over other people's art with the whole other character is disrespectful to the original artist. AI art type of mindset if you ask me, take things away and twist it then said you fixed it, you didn't!!!)

You ppl never normal about Nika always had some sh!t with my girl, BACK OFF YALL WEIRDOS YALL DOING TOO MUCH‼️‼️‼️

(and god forbid me to speak up and defend Nika, cuz some of you will still twist my words/speak over me regardless)

Thanks for reading if you're still here. I'm probably can go on venting more, but I want to go and focus on my art now bye.👍

Vent//

Also what is respawn x flatline ship I see on Tumblr here, make her a cheater in your sick head when she never was one, plus ship her with respawn who was supposed to be Damian's half-bother is plain foul. Just said you hate Nika stop pretending‼️YOUR PROJECTING HATE OF FLATLINE IS SHOWING‼️‼️YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT HER OR RESPAWN BEFORE + ONLY CARE ABOUT THEM JUST FOR THIS SPITE SHIP

Anyway steal this from my twitter(x) tl

(+PROSHIPPER & MISOGYNY‼️YALL SICK AND TWIST LEAVE MY GIRL ALONE)

[fubukiswifenoimnotjoking]

💎

Ooo, fun facts or trivia! This one is super hard bc I feel like every mega OPM fan already knows the trivia and I’d just be preaching to the choir, but I’m gonna think on it!! Might have to result to personal opm facts u know?

1. I first found out about OPM when I saw a commercial for season one on adult swim and thought it looked really creative and funny

2. It’s my second manga ever! I tried reading Sailor moon but only got two volumes in bc I hated it :/ was too girly and convoluted to me

3. My pop got volume one for my 13th birthday! I remember unboxing it and being like :0 it was a Halloween b day party too 😏😏

4. A few months after I started opm I drew Saitama’s face in sharpie on a craft egg and he was my first OPM toy/figure(?). Still have him somewhere! I tried to draw Genos too but his face was too squished

5. I have a dvd of season one that’s just the normal edition and a bootleg af version with the OVAS that my uncle got from god knows where. The OVAS are only in Japanese tho :/

6. I have a miniature cottagecore house for my Sai and Genos nendos!! I’ve talked a little about it before but never posted pics for it bc tumblr kept messing it up. I’ll try to show it soon tho! It’s got an overhead light, oranges and orange leaf wallpaper, tiny pictures of fubuki, Garou, Mumen, etc, hanging pots, fake moss on the outside, windows, Keith haring art, tiny teacups, a picture of saitama punching Nick Wilde that I got off tumblr (I’ll try to link it if I can find it) and so much more. I just now thought of putting up some gay flags in there, like why haven’t I thought of that before?? I’ll prob put up and mlm flag for Genos and a demi flag for Sai bc that’s how I hc them. I’m very proud of the house and I’m always adding onto it :) OO and I like to pose my nendos every now and then, tho I’ve posed them so many times that I’m running out of ideas 😭

7. I have a really cute lanyard I got years ago at a comic con that I never wear bc when DO you wear a lanyard? Wore it recently tho bc I was bored. Its got Sai Genos Tatsu Mumen and fubuki on the strap in chibi, they’re so cute.

8. Including posters, official Murata art, fan art, my art and posters, I have 10 opm things hanging around my room. It’s unhealthy I know 😃

9. I started with the manga, watched s1 of the anime then s2 when it came out years later and finally decided to check the wc after. If you had to make me choose, I’d choose the manga. I love the webcomic but the manga is more solid (not completely of course) and just more fun to read. Tho the webcomic IS fantastic don’t get me wrong, ONE is a great artist. The anime is pretty good, I’m still sad they had to cut s2’s budget but I love it anyway. THO I HATE HOW THEY TRANSLATED THE SAITAMA SAVING EVERYONE FROM CENTICHORO SCENE BC THEY TOTALLY DIDNT GET THE DRAMATIC LOVESICK LOOK ON GENOS FACE AND THE SURPRISED LOOK ON SAITAMA LIKE THAT SCENE WAS SO ICONIC AND THEY FUCKED IT I—sorry. Still upset.

10. I used to hate Tatsumaki Amai and Suiryu! Suiryu is still on thin ice bc he gives me such arrogant fuck boy vibes. Tatsumaki has grown so much in the current arc and even the arc before it and I just love her so much, even if she’s mean. Amai is a sick but he’s loveable and an interesting one you know? Especially bc of the webcomic. Used to get annoyed by Fubuki but now I’m in love with her LOL

11. I straight up thought Sonic was a girl until I watched the dub and heard his voice 💀

That’s about all I can think of! Sorry if this totally isn’t what you asked for, just a little lost on how to talk about fresh trivia u know? Thanks for ur ask tho :)

[freebooter4ever]

anyway ive also been thinking about the pearl clutchers and their ‘but think of the children!’ claim that luca and alberto are too young for crushes, and i dunno about anybody else but i remember having crushes on boys as early as 10 yrs old. not that i TALKEd to boys, god forbid, i didnt want anything to do with them back then but it was like a requirement among my friend group that you had to have a ‘crush’, so i did. but i distinctly remember age 11 was the first time i became unknowingly infatuated with a girl who was a friend of mine, and how much of a disaster that was :/

i still remember her full name, partially because this was also when my mom (worked for that big M company up in seattle) first got the internet on our home computer, and i used this girl’s name plus my nickname for her for all my passwords (her name still WAS my ffnet password up until a few years ago LOL). we were not even that close of friends, i was just crazy about her. she was beautiful with dark hair and dark eyes and a very dry sarcastic humor. we had PE together in 6th grade, and her last name was right behind mine, so whenever our teacher would pair us up by names, she and i ended up together. this is the only reason i even met her, because i was a /nerd/ and was like...way beneath her in the pecking order. and for some reason after we became inseparable in PE she let me be her friend, and sometimes eat lunch with them, and omg i was over the moon. she was cool in the ‘alternative’ sense back then - so like, more into rock and 107.7 The End (is that still a thing?) than star 101.5 (pop music), and her friends were all the Cool Alternative girls (i was the nerdy side of alternative, you know the kind who taught herself how to write in elvish so no one could read my diary, and had LOTR memorized by age 11, but still listened to like the killers and scissor sisters). I was terribly jealous of one of them - her old ‘best friend’ from elementary school who hated the fact that i joined their group and would try to shove me out of it. life was much better in PE when it was just me and this girl (we can call her O), i did not give a shit about anybody else, lol. 

i had other friends, of course, right before summer started some girls i met in 6th grade chorus (Nuri, Abby, Jilly bean) and i did a ‘radio show’, wrote the script together and everything, and that bond accidentally turned us into a ‘best friends’ group (with my bff Lauren who i pulled in as an extra) of the more typical kind. the five of us even dressed up in identical outfits we bought at target for ‘twin day’. ive actually written about this real group of friends before. but those were my actual, bffs forever and ever friends, and that group lasted all the way through high school up until today...so like almost two decades now.

so what im saying is, my friendship with O was different, very very different, and i knew it was different, and that O didn’t care nearly as much about me as i did her. i tried sO HARd to be the person she wanted to be around the most, omg i remember some of the things i did and i cringe lol. 11 years old and stupid right? when it was just us things were normal and it felt like magic, and oh boy i could make her LAUGH. but then when her friends would come into the picture it was...not good. i remember the day i discovered that ‘normal’ girls shaved their legs :/ or god they used to call me ‘orange’ bc of my skin and foundation. i tried /so hard/ to live up to their standards but i always failed somehow, there were so many rules for being a Cool Girl that they seemed to know naturally. in 7th grade O and i got put into a new PE class with her old best friend, which was a DISASTER for me bc suddenly O was pairing up with the old best friend and i was left with this other girl who i was absolutely not enamored with, and one day during square dancing, when we were lining up boys-girls to pair off, and all the girls were trying to count and match themselves with the boys they liked, except they were bad at counting, and i could count better and since i didnt give a fuck about who i was partnered with as long as i was still in O’s ‘square’, i silently arranged it so that i got put with the most popular boy who also happened to be the old best friend’s crush. the old best friend was mad about that - she could have fixed it had she been smarter and saw it coming, but she was dumb and she didnt count properly and i danced with her crush, and she hated me ever after. it was at that point the friend started calling me orange and making fun of my clothes and trying to get O to stop hanging out with me. and she finally did after eighth grade when we all graduated to high school.

i have zero photos of O, i still look her up on insta occasionally, i dont think she’d even remember me tbh except maybe as the weird girl they kept around for entertainment value for a while, but im just saying that was ages 11-14 and those emotions and crush feelings were INTENSE and i didnt even realize what it was at the time, because of course you cant have crushes on girls, who does that lol. my mom had a bunch of gay dancer friends (most of whom died in the 80/90s, which i only know because age 10-12 (mom stepped sideways out of my life after age 12) she took me to pride every year and i went marching with a group of mothers/friends of men lost to AIDS and i carried a sign i drew with a leaping male dancer on it), but i dont think i ever really understood what ‘lesbian’ was until Mean Girls came out, and even then i didnt have the ‘oh shit’ moment till college. im just saying...let gay kids know its ok to have crushes. let them feel normal. let it be sweet and innocent infatuation as adorable as Tombo adoringly following Kiki on his bicycle while she tries to impress on her broom. let it be about that intense feeling of wanting this one person to be more Special than anyone else in one’s life. heterosexual kids are encouraged, almost pressured into, having crushes at that age. let queer kids have that too ;_;

[novannna]

“Is that blood?” “Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” “You are literally bleeding.” with novissa (bc I love them) por favor?✨

ahhh tysm for the ask rae!!! I haven't written them in a while and theyre so fun to write!!! i love them so much ahfagsdf

i dont even know how to summarize this, just novissa fluff ig??? im not really sure asdfhdf theyre just gay idiots in love takes place some time before the start of renegades. (nova and narcissa are together)

wc: 1553 ao3 link

Narcissa tapped her fingers against her leg impatiently. Nova was late. Nova, one of the most punctual people Narcissa knew, was late. It was probably fine. She was fine. She was Nova after all.

But Narcissa couldn’t help but feel a squeeze of panic in her throat. She just needed her girlfriend to be alright. She needed Nova in front of her, so she could look at her warm brown eyes, and know that they were both fine.

Fuck.

Narcissa could feel her breaths start to quicken, and her vision grow a bit hazy around the edges.

She tried to take deep breaths, and calm her rising heart rate.

“Nova is fine,” she muttered under her breath. “Completely alright, just a bit late. There was probably something blocking her path. Most people are late all the time. I’m sure that’s what happened.” Her words did little to quell the fear. Nova had never been late before.

She had even promised she would be there on time.

I’ll see you monday, 7 pm sharp, Nova had said. You know where? Narcissa had laughed, and pushed a strand of hair behind Nova’s ears. Of course I do. Good. I’ll see you then. Nova had kissed Narcissa’s lips, hesitantly at first, but then harder as they both sank into each other, desperate to stay away from reality. Don’t be late, Narcissa had said half heartedly as they drew away, aching for Nova’s familiar warmth again. Late? Nova had laughed. I wouldn’t dream of it! And then, with her typical Nova flair, she had swung over the side of the railing, and raced away into the night. And now, three days later, Nova wasn’t here. Narcissa looked at her watch, wishing it would say that she was early. 7:27

“Fuck,” Narcissa muttered. Almost half an hour, and Nova still wasn’t there. She’d been the slightest bit angry before, but now she was just scared. Scared for what could have happened to Nova. If she died, Narcissa would be the only one who cared. Nova didn’t have anyone else. No one else would miss her. So Narcissa loved her all the more, trying her best to make up for the Anarchist’s shortcomings. “Cissa!” A voice shouted, and Narcissa turned to see Nova, alive and healthy and safe Nova, running towards her, a bouquet of flowers clutched tight in her hands. Narcissa felt her heart jump around in her throat, the way it always did when she saw Nova. Nova with her short black hair, shot through with streaks of blue, Nova with her black eyeliner drawn to perfection (Like Honey insisted), Nova with a beat up leather jacket, looking like some teenage romcom love interest. But, despite how absolutely breathtaking Nova was, all Narcissa cared about was that she was safe and alive.

Nova was grinning, and she embraced Narcissa, hugging the girl tight to her while spinning her in a circle. Nova’s infectious joy sank into Narcissa. She couldn’t keep a smile off her face, even if she tried.

Nova cupped her hands around Narcissa’s face and pulled the taller girl down for a kiss.

Narcissa gladly obliged, practically melting under the contact.

Finally, Narcissa drew away, the simple motion taking all her effort. She could stay tangled in Nova’s lips forever and ever without complaining.

“You’re late,” Narcissa accused gently. Nova tucked her head, and nodded. “I’m so sorry, there was a problem, and I had to stay later than I thought. I know I’m terrible.” Nova scuffed a foot against the ground. “But, I did get you flowers. To make up for being such a horrible girlfriend.” She presented a small bouquet of forget-me-nots to Narcissa.

Narcissa lit up as she lifted the soft blue blooms to her face and inhaled deeply. “Thank you Nova, these are beautiful. And you aren’t a horrible girlfriend, you’re the best. I was just scared.”

Nova nodded, not needing to ask why. They both knew the reason.

“Well you don’t need to be now, because I’m here to protect you.”

“What makes you think I need protecting?” Narcissa protested. “Maybe I’ll be the one protecting you!”

Nova laughed, the rough sound sending waves of happiness through Narcissa. “I’d happily accept your protection. I know I would be in the best hands possible.” Her face sobered slightly. “I am really sorry for being late, I feel terrible. If it ever happens again, I’ll find some way to tell you. You shouldn’t have to-”

Narcissa cut her off mid sentence by stepping forwards and pushing Nova's hair off her neck, exposing a large bandage, stretching from her left shoulder, across her collarbone, and dipping out of sight into her shirt. The bandage was more red than white at this point though, from blood leaking through.

“Is that blood?” Narcissa asked, a familiar panic rising.

“Yes but that doesn’t matter right now, what does matter is-” Nova tried.

“You are literally bleeding.”

Nova’s small frame was stiff, ready to run. “There was an accident,” she said tightly. “Right before I left. Things got out of hand, and well- you know how they can be. I got caught in the middle of things, and well…” she gestured haplessly at the bandage.

Narcissa could feel her heart tearing at the pure hopelessness in Nova’s voice. The girl had gone through so much, and all the Anarchists had ever given her was trauma. Narcissa just wanted to hold on tight and never let her go back.

“I’m so sorry Nova,” Narcissa whispered.

Nova laughed quietly, trying to defuse the tension. “It’s fine. It wasn’t anyone’s fault really. Ingrid was just being a jerk, goading Honey, and Honey tried to shut Ingrid up by throwing her jewelry box at her. Unfortunately for me, I was just walking by, and Honey has spectacularly bad aim.”

Narcissa nodded. God, all she wanted was to have Nova get away from that place, but Nova was too damn set on revenge. She couldn’t see how much it was hurting her. Narcissa was afraid she wouldn’t realize until it was too late. And all Narcissa could do was watch. Once Nova had her mind set, there was no changing. No amount of sweet words and promises could stray Nova from her path of vengeance.

“You did a shit job of patching yourself up, Nova,” Narcissa said instead. “You’ve already bled through.”

“Yeah, well I was in a hurry to see my girlfriend,” Nova retorted. “I don’t suppose we could patch me up before continuing the evening?”

Narcissa laughed a little, and pressed a gentle kiss to Nova’s mouth. “I suppose. It’d do me no good if you bled out before we even ate dinner.”

“I suppose not. Seeing as you are the smart one between us, is there a chance you could fix me?”

“You’re plenty smart too, love. But yes, I can help you. For a price of course.” A smile danced over Narcissa’s lips.

“I’d expect nothing less from the grand daughter of a world renowned black market weapons dealer.” Nova smirked. “What’s the price?”

“Kisses, and moonlight walks, and as many piggy back rides as I want.”

Nova tipped her head back, laughing. The fading colors of sunset shine through the strands of her hair, illuminating her head.

“You drive a hard bargain, but I suppose I accept.” Nova brown eyes gleamed. “Do you require a down payment?” She stood on her tiptoes, her chin almost level with Narcissa’s.

“Nova, let me save you before we start making out!” Narcissa scolded, but without any force behind the words. Truth be told, all she wanted to do was lose herself in Nova, but she had other things to do first.

Specifically, stitch the large gash on her idiot girlfriend’s shoulder up.

Nova rolled her eyes. “So pushy.” She smiled up at Narcissa. “Fine, my savior. Where to?”

Narcissa laughed, and pulled a small blue flower out of her bouquet, and tucked it behind Nova’s ears. “There’s bandages at the library, as well as some other supplies. We’ll go there, and then you can carry me to the river, and we can look at the stars while making out.”

Nova grinned. “Sounds like a plan. But, you are taller than me, so shouldn’t you carry me.”

“Well, A, I have absolutely no strength at all, I live in a library, what did you expect, B, my terms for fixing you included piggy back rides, and C, I know you like carrying me, and showing off how strong you are.”

Nova grinned, and nodded. “Very true. I suppose I better start carrying you now!”

Narcissa’s eyes widened with realization. “Wait Nova, No!” she shrieked, but it was too late. Nova scooped her up, and tossed Narcissa over her shoulder in a fireman's carry. A flurry of petals fell to the ground. It was comical really, 4 foot 11 inches Nova, carrying 5 foot 7 inches Narcissa with ease.

“Nova, you’re injured!” Narcissa practically screamed. “Don’t you dare hurt yourself more!”

Nova simply laughed, and started walking towards the library, Narcissa still slung over her back, laughing.

Narcissa sighed, and gave up. Nova was too stubborn to argue with. “You’re an idiot,” she said.

Narcissa could imagine Nova’s lips curving up into a smile as she said, “I love you too.”

[howlermemes]

                                       𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐤𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐰𝐢𝐟𝐭                                                l  y  r  i  c    s  t  a  r  t  e  r  s

✽  long post ahead bc i have no self control ! ✽  change pronouns / punctuation as needed . ✽  some lyrics are explicit. ✽  some themes are slightly darker. ✽  alteratively, send    ♫ 𝚏𝚘𝚕𝚔𝚕𝚘𝚛𝚎    to have a lyric automatically generated & said to your muse instead .

[ track 01 ]   the 1 ❛ I'm doing good! I'm on some new shit. ❜ ❛ I thought I saw you at the bus stop. ❜ ❛ I hit the ground running each night. ❜ ❛ You know, the greatest films of all time were never made. ❜ ❛ If you wanted me, you really should have showed. ❜ ❛ If you never bleed, you're never gonna grow. ❜ ❛ It's alright now. ❜ ❛ We were something, don't you think so? ❜ ❛ If my wishes came true, it would have been you. ❜ ❛ In my defense — I have none for never leaving well enough alone. ❜ ❛ It would have been fun if you would have been the one. ❜ ❛ I had this dream you're doing cool shit, having adventures on your own. ❜ ❛ We never painted by the numbers, baby. ❜ ❛ We were making it count. ❜ ❛ You know the greatest loves of all time are over now. ❜ ❛ I guess you never know. ❜ ❛ It's another day of waking up alone. ❜ ❛ If one thing had been different, would everything be different today? ❜ ❛ It would have been sweet if it could've been me. ❜ ❛ In my defense, I have none for digging up the grave another time. ❜

[ track 02 ]   cardigan ❛ When you are young, they assume you know nothing. ❜ ❛ Baby, kiss it better. ❜ ❛ I was your favorite. ❜ ❛ A friend to all is a friend to none. ❜ ❛ Chase two girls, lose the one. ❜ ❛ To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed. ❜ ❛ You drew stars around my scars and now I'm bleeding. ❜ ❛ I knew you tried to change the ending. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs. ❜ ❛ I knew everything when I was young. ❜ ❛ I knew I'd curse you for the longest time. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired, and you'd be standing in my front porch light. ❜ ❛ I knew you'd come back to me. ❜

[ track 03 ]   the last great american dynasty ❛ How did a middle-class divorcee do it? ❜ ❛ The wedding was a charming, if a little gauche. ❜ ❛ There's only so far new money goes. ❜ ❛ Their parties were tasteful, if a little loud. ❜ ❛ It must have been her fault his heart gave out. ❜ ❛ There goes the last great American dynasty. ❜ ❛ Who knows, if she never showed up, what could have been. ❜ ❛ There goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen. ❜ ❛ They say she was seen on occasion, pacing the rocks, staring out the sea. ❜ ❛ In a feud with her neighbor, she stole his dog and dyed it key lime green. ❜ ❛ Fifty years is a long time. ❜ ❛ Who knows, if I never showed up, what could've been. ❜ ❛ I had a marvelous time ruining everything. ❜ ❛ I had a marvelous time. ❜

[ track 04 ]   exile ❛ I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body. ❜ ❛ I think I've seen this film before, and I didn't like the ending. ❜ ❛ You're not my homeland anymore. ❜ ❛ What am I defending now? ❜ ❛ You were my town. Now I'm in exile, seeing you out. ❜ ❛ I can see you staring, honey, like he's just your understudy, like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me. ❜ ❛ You'd get your knuckles bloody for me. ❜ ❛ Those eyes add insult to injury. ❜ ❛ I'm not your problem anymore. ❜ ❛ Who am I offending now? ❜ ❛ You were my crown. Now I'm in exile, seeing you out. ❜ ❛ I'm leaving out the side door. ❜ ❛ There is no amount of crying I can do for you. ❜ ❛ All this time, we always walked a very thin line. ❜ ❛ You didn't even hear me out. ❜ ❛ You never gave a warning sign. ❜ ❛ I gave so many signs. ❜ ❛ All this time, I never learned to read your mind. ❜ ❛ I couldn't turn things around. ❜ ❛ You never turned things around. ❜ ❛ You didn't even see the signs. ❜

[ track 05 ]   my tears ricochet ❛ If I'm on fire, you'll be made of ashes, too. ❜ ❛ Even on my worst day, did I deserve, babe — all the hell you gave me? ❜ ❛ I loved you, I swear I loved you, until my dying day. ❜ ❛ I didn't have it in myself to go with grace. ❜ ❛ You're the hero flying around, saving face. ❜ ❛ If I'm dead to you, why were you at the wake? ❜ ❛ Look at how my tears ricochet. ❜ ❛ We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean. ❜ ❛ You know I didn't want to have to haunt you. ❜ ❛ What a ghostly scene. ❜ ❛ You used to tell me I was brave. ❜ ❛ I can go anywhere I want. Anywhere I want, just not home. ❜ ❛ You can aim for my heart — go for blood. ❜ ❛ You would still miss me in your bones. ❜ ❛ I still talk to you when I'm screaming at the sky. ❜ ❛ You had to kill me, but it killed you just the same. ❜ ❛ You turned into your worst fears. ❜ ❛ You're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain, crossing out the good years. ❜

[ track 06 ]   mirrorball ❛ I'll show you every version of yourself tonight. ❜ ❛ When I break, it's a million pieces. ❜ ❛ Hush. ❜ ❛ You'll find me on my tallest tip-toes, spinning in my highest heels, love — shining just for you. ❜ ❛ I know they said the end is near. ❜ ❛ I can change everything about me to fit in. ❜ ❛ You're not like the regulars. ❜ ❛ I'm still on that tightrope. ❜ ❛ I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me. ❜ ❛ I'm still a believer, but I don't know why. ❜ ❛ I've never been a natural. ❜ ❛ All I do is try, try, try. ❜ ❛ I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me. ❜

[ track 07 ]   seven ❛ Please picture me in the trees. ❜ ❛ I hit my peak at seven, feet in the swing over the creek. ❜ ❛ I was too scared to jump in, but I was high in the sky. ❜ ❛ Are there still beautiful things? ❜ ❛ Cross your heart. ❜ ❛ Though I can't recall your face, I still got love for you. ❜ ❛ Love you to the moon and to Saturn. ❜ ❛ The love lasts so long. ❜ ❛ I've been meaning to tell you, I think your house is haunted. ❜ ❛ Your dad is always mad. ❜ ❛ I think you should come live with me. ❜ ❛ We can be pirates! ❜ ❛ You won't have to cry or hide in the closet. ❜ ❛ Our love will be passed on. ❜ ❛ I used to scream ferociously any time I wanted. ❜ ❛ Pack your dolls and a sweater. ❜

[ track 08 ]   august ❛ Salt air and the rust on your door — I never needed anything more. ❜ ❛ I can see us lost in the memory. ❜ ❛ August slipped away into a moment in time, because it was never mine. ❜ ❛ I was see us twisted in bedsheets. ❜ ❛ August sipped away like a bottle of wine, because you were never mine. ❜ ❛ Will you call me when you're back at school? ❜ ❛ I remember thinking I had you. ❜ ❛ It was never mine. ❜ ❛ You were never mine. ❜ ❛ For me, it was enough to live for the hope of it all. ❜ ❛ I canceled plans just in case you'd call. ❜ ❛ Meet me behind the mall. ❜ ❛ So much for summer love and saying "us". ❜ ❛ You weren't mine to lose. ❜ ❛ Do you remember? ❜ ❛ Remember when I pulled up and said "Get in the car." ❛ I was living for the hope of it all. ❜

[ track 09 ]   this is me trying ❛ I've been having a hard time adjusting. ❜ ❛ I didn't know if you'd care if I came back. ❜ ❛ I have a lot of regrets about that. ❜ ❛ Maybe I don't quite know what to say. ❜ ❛ I'm here in your doorway. ❜ ❛ I just wanted you to know this is me trying. ❜ ❛ I got wasted like all my potential. ❜ ❛ My words shoot to kill when I'm mad. I have a lot of regrets about that. ❜ ❛ I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere. ❜ ❛ I ended up here, pouring my heart out to a stranger. ❜ ❛ I didn't pour the whiskey. ❜ ❛ At least I'm trying. ❜ ❛ It's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound. ❜ ❛ It's hard to be anywhere these days when all I want is you. ❜ ❛ You're a flashback in a film reel on the one screen in my town. ❜

[ track 10 ]   illicit affairs ❛ Make sure nobody sees you leave. ❜ ❛ Tell your friends you're out for a run. ❜ ❛ You'll be flushed when you return. ❜ ❛ Take the road less traveled by. ❜ ❛ Tell yourself you can always stop. ❜ ❛ What started in beautiful rooms, ends with meeting in parking lots. ❜ ❛ That's the thing about illicit affairs — and clandestine meetings and longing stares. ❜ ❛ It's born from just one single glance, but it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times. ❜ ❛ You leave no trace behind. ❜ ❛ Take the words for what they are — a dwindling mercurial high, a drug that only worked the first few hundred times. ❜ ❛ They show their truth one single time, but they lie and they lie and they lie. A million little times. ❜ ❛ Don't call me "kid". ❜ ❛ Don't call me "baby". ❜ ❛ Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me. ❜ ❛ You showed me colors you know I can't see with anyone else. ❜ ❛ Look at this idiotic fool that you made me. ❜ ❛ You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else. ❜ ❛ You know damn well, for you, I would ruin myself a million little times. ❜

[ track 11 ]   invisible string ❛ I used to think I would meet somebody there. ❜ ❛ Teal was the color of your shirt when you were sixteen at the yogurt shop. ❜ ❛ Time, curious time. ❜ ❛ Were there clues I didn't see? ❜ ❛ Isn't it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me? ❜ ❛ You ate at my favorite spot for dinner. ❜ ❛ She said I looked like an American singer. ❜ ❛ Time, mystical time — cutting me open, then healing me fine. ❜ ❛ Something wrapped all of my past mistakes in barbed wire. ❜ ❛ One single thread of gold tied me to you. ❜ ❛ Gold was the color of the leaves when you around Centennial Park. ❜ ❛ Hell was the journey, but it brought me to heaven. ❜ ❛ Time, wondrous time, gave me the blues and then purple-pink skies. ❜ ❛ It's cool, baby, with me. ❜

[ track 12 ]   mad woman ❛ What did you think I'd say to that? ❜ ❛ Does a scorpion sting when fighting back? ❜ ❛ They strike to kill, and you know I will. ❜ ❛ What do you sing on your drive home? ❜ ❛ Do you see my face in the neighbors lawn? ❜ ❛ Fuck you forever. ❜ ❛ Every time you call me crazy, I get more crazy. ❜ ❛ When you say I seem angry, I get more angry. ❜ ❛ There's nothing like a mad woman. ❜ ❛ What a shame she went mad. ❜ ❛ No one likes a mad woman. You made her like that. ❜ ❛ You'll poke that bear 'till her claws come out and you find something to wrap your noose around. ❜ ❛ I breathe flames each time I talk. ❜ ❛ They say "Move On," but you know I won't. ❜ ❛ Women like hunting witches too, doing your dirtiest work for you. ❜ ❛ It's obvious that wanting me dead has really brought you two together. ❜ ❛ I'm taking my time. ❜ ❛ You took everything from me. ❜ ❛ She should be mad, should be scathing like me. ❜

[ track 13 ]   epiphany ❛ I think he's bleeding out. ❜ ❛ Some things you just can't speak about. ❜ ❛ With you, I serve. With you, I fall down. ❜ ❛ I think she's crashing out. ❜ ❛ Only twenty minutes to sleep. ❛ You dream of some epiphany — just one single glimpse of relief. ❜

[ track 14 ]   betty ❛ I won't make assumptions. ❜ ❛ I think it's because of me. ❜ ❛ One time, I was riding on my skateboard when I passed your house. ❜ ❛ It's like I couldn't breathe. ❜ ❛ You heard the rumors. ❜ ❛ You can't believe a word she says most times. But this time, it was true. ❜ ❛ The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you. ❜ ❛ If I just showed up at your party, would you have me? ❜ ❛ Would you want me? ❜ ❛ Would you tell me to go fuck myself? ❜ ❛ In the garden, would you trust me if I told you it was a just a summer thing? ❜ ❛ I'm only seventeen. I don't know anything. ❜ ❛ I don't know anything, but I know I miss you. ❜ ❛ I know where it all went wrong. ❜ ❛ I was nowhere to be found. ❜ ❛ I hate crowds. You know that. ❜ ❛ I saw you dance with him. ❜ ❛ I was walking home on broken cobblestones, just thinking of you. ❛ She pulled up like a figment of my worst intentions. ❜ ❛ Get in. Let's drive. ❜ ❛ I dreamt of you all summer long. ❜ ❛ I planned it out for weeks now. ❜ ❛ It's finally sinking in. ❜ ❛ Right now is the last time. ❜ ❛ I can dream about what happens when you can see my face again. ❜ ❛ The only thing I wanna do is make it up to you. ❜ ❛ Will you have me? ❜ ❛ Will you love me? ❜ ❛ Will you kiss me on the porch in front of all your stupid friends? ❜ ❛ If you kiss me, will it be just like I dreamed it? ❜ ❛ I don't know anything. ❜

[ track 15 ]   peace ❛ Our coming-of-age has come and gone. ❜ ❛ I never had the courage of my convictions, as long as danger is near. ❜ ❛ It's just around the corner, darlin. ❜ ❛ I could never give you peace. ❜ ❛ I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm. ❜ ❛ All these people think love's for show, but I would die for you in secret. ❜ ❛ The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me. ❜ ❛ Would it be enough if I could never give you peace? ❜ ❛ Your integrity makes me seem small. ❜ ❛ I talk shit with my friends. It's like I'm wasting your honor. ❜ ❛ Is it enough? ❜ ❛ I'd give you my sunshine, give you my best. ❜ ❛ The rain is always gonna come if you're standing with me. ❜

[ track 16 ]   hoax ❛ This has broken me down. ❜ ❛ This has frozen my ground. ❜ ❛ Give me a reason. ❜ ❛ Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in. ❜ ❛ Don't want no other shade of blue, but you. ❜ ❛ No other sadness in the world would do. ❜ ❛ I am ash from your fire. ❜ ❛ You know I left a part of me back in New York. ❜ ❛ You knew the hero died, so what's the movie for? ❜ ❛ You knew it still hurts underneath my scars. ❜ ❛ You knew you won, so what's the point of keeping score? ❜ ❛ It still hurts underneath my scars. ❜ ❛ What you did was just as dark. ❜ ❛ Darling, this was just as hard as when they pulled me apart. ❜

[noodelak]

MY REALLY OLD ART A LONG ASS POST

So this first piece I found in a folder on my computer called “Old art organize later” within a folder called “ REALLY OLD ART” I drew this in 2006 and the jpeg was titled:

“My most awesome dragon evur”

Also noted was my attempt at signing my name in Japanesef saldkfjsdlf because i was 11 and anime was THEE coolest thing to me.

Okay the rest is going under a read more because this is gonna be LONG

here are some gems from 2007

yes this is a kk slider gijinka faksdjfalsdjf

next up we have my attempt to make super paper mario characters into handsome anime men

it was a this point i was a young baby on deviant art longing to do “digital” art because thats what all the really cool artists did, i didnt have a tablet and the photoshop-esque thing i had was a pirated copy of JASC Paintshop 7 (or maybe it was 8), so what did I make with newly unlocked DIGITAL ART POWERS??

and this charming thing which was my intepretation of what the The Thing Behind the Wall in Johnny the Homicidal Maniac looked like:

but these were only the beginning of my long and arduous journey as an artist, 2009 came and I entered highschool 13 years old and with nothing but the power of deviant art and being an outcast with 2 friends on my side so here are some of my favorites from that era of Noo art:

^^^ this is in fact EXACTLY what i looked like at 13

its kind of funny bc looking back you can absolutely tell id been drawing dragons/wolves since i was like able to hold a pencil but didnt start drawing humanoid characters until i was 12 afjlakfjs

ANYWAYS CARRYING ON BC THERES PLENTY MORE!! For example my Invader Zim/Naruto OCs

yes one of those aliens was kisame

every day knowing that I get to claim ownership over this is truly exhilarating the girl with the pigtails was my OC that was definitely not just me. Her name was Delainbow, she was Sasuke’s daughter and she is truly the epitome of everything that was good about my childhood

WHAT A LEGEND

this is genuinely what I wanted to be when i was 13 god I love it

oh fuck i missed this one from 2008

god  GOd i love these all so much I WAS SO FREE I JUST DREW WHATEVER AND DIDNT CARE

ok just gonna put a few more without comment but these are all 2009 again

Moving on to 2010-2012 era art

shout out to teenage me for still being not the worst at drawing animals

the  freaking EDGE

so there was some point here where i started trying to stop drawing “anime”  bc i was tired of ppl making fun of me so I figured if I didnt draw anime ppl would take me more seriously when in reality those ppl just sucked and so did my highschool art teacher

like... YUCK???? what the fuck was i was I even accomplishing here aksdjfaskjfkasldjf

my wolves still were still way cooler then the rest of my art lol

alright carrying onto late highschool early college, its summer of 2012 im on tumblr, im a homestuck, and ive gotten a laptop and tablet as a gift for getting into art school (yeah I drew like aformentioned above and still got into art school) sadly i dont have any scans of the stuff i drew for that portfolio, it was mostly still lifes i drew like a boot and a skull haha

okay so here are the gems i made upon finally getting a computer of my own, photoshop and bamboo wacom tablet,

here she is my first attempt to paint in photoshop....s fjaskdjfaskljfklasd

the rest of these are all from like my first fall/winter semester of college when i actually started getting a real art education and not just shitty no budget rural hometown highschool art class

So that picture of zachary which is honestly NOT thaaaaaat bad was one of the first things I ever posted to break 500 notes, i think a fewwww of my homestuck drawings had come close after like months of being on the site but like that zachary was one of the first times id genuinely been a little succesful with sharing my art online and im still very grateful to everyone who liked and reblogged it ^u^

After that well, i do have a lot more bad art but its not quite as funny as my pre-college stuff from that point on you mostly just see me struggling to improve anatomy and struggling to get through school (which ultimately took me 8 years to get through bc art school is terrible on your mental health and i had to do the last 4 years as a half time student)

but thats kind of a sad note to end on so heres just a few more gems i think you all should see if you’ve taken the time to read this haha

Thank you if you took the time to scroll through all of this i hope you had a laugh and that if you’re ever feeling down about your art to remember that we all start at the bottom and you can only go up from there no matter how long it takes you! Don’t give up and honestly just draw your truth <3

[strawberriestyles]

Chapter 11

(Banner made by sweet sunshine @harry-nofookingway-styles​)

Harry X OFC (AU)

Sequel to Brutality: In which Melody and Harry must relearn how to navigate one another among a flurry of changes.

Read previous parts here.

Author’s note: Heyyyyyaaaaaaa. I’m going to be honest with y’all. I have not been working on this story like I should have since I started posting. That being said, I do have a few more chapters completed but then things get a littleeeeee fuzzy bc I’ve been slacking. I’m going to try to keep up with the posting schedule I have rn, but if that doesn’t work out, please forgive me. I may need to pause for a few weeks to stack up some more chapters. BUT CROSS YOUR FINGERS I GET MY SHIT TOGETHER. As always, please like and reblog and leave me an ask if you can. :’) When you’re done reading, I would love for you guys to go find a petition you haven’t signed yet. All of my love. Xx

Melody still had nightmares. Horrible ones. Awful, haunting dreams that pressed at the edges of reality, blurring lines between sleeping and waking. But they somehow became less constant and more bearable within the next few weeks. Whether it was due to Harry’s constant, tender touches as she fell asleep every night, or to the ugly, unartistic paintings and incoherent writing she’d forced out, there were no clues. She thought Harry deserved the credit, but he thought it could be a mix of both.

Early snow dusted the city like powdered sugar, lightly enough to look pretty without making traffic a mess. Melody felt the cold dampen her mood, but Harry only seemed to brighten at the prospect of a blizzard warning. Snow dazzled him. Despite everything he’d experienced in his relatively short life, somehow winter had always remained a sort of sanctuary for him. And he’d softened himself toward everyone as a result.

“Ugh, do I have to go?” Melody asked aloud when she reentered the bedroom to find him laid out on her bed. He looked so cozy and warm in a pair of sweats with his hair mussed atop his head. She bent over him to plant a chaste kiss to his lips.

“No,” Harry said, “yeh don’.”

She smiled ruefully and stole another soft kiss from him. “Yes, I do.”

“Yeh don’ have to. Could stay here with me.”

“Harry.” Melody accepted his return kisses as he sat himself up, swinging his legs over the edge of the mattress.

“Melody.” He ran a thumb over the curve of her chin and sighed.

“I need to go. Please, be nice to Bea.”

“Always am.”

“Sure you are.” She pressed her lips to his one final time and let them linger a few moments too long, until she felt his fingers sneaking around the back of her neck. If she let him touch her too much she’d end up late to her own match. “Okay, I’m leaving,” she insisted as she backed away. “I’m going. Bye.”

Harry watched her slip out of the room, collecting her gym bag on the way. He was relieved that she hadn’t told him she loved him. Every time he heard the words on her tongue he felt his very organs shift, felt them contort and fold in on themselves. He would never, ever tell her the way it made him feel, but he hoped that eventually, when he still wasn’t saying it back, she might just let the sentiment die. Wishful thinking, perhaps.

“Let’s go, Harry!” Bea called from the living room.

He sighed as he rose to his feet and lumbered out of the bedroom, his cane clicking on the hardwood. The door to the apartment closed before he made it past the threshold of the room. It was only him and Bea left. There was still an awkward air between them, but it was beginning to thin. Harry thought it was because of his help with Melody’s nightmares. He didn’t like the idea that Bea had ever thought he’d be useless in a situation like that. He didn’t like that doing the bare minimum to comfort Melody had somehow made Bea more open to him.

“You don’t look enthused.”

“I don’ like to bullshit,” Harry responded.

Bea grinned. She patted the cushion beside her and waited for him to sit. She didn’t seem bothered that he sat farther from her than necessary.

“Aren’t you wondering what we’re gonna watch?” Bea asked.

Harry shrugged. “Not really.”

“What if I picked a chick flick?”

“Then I’d just fall asleep.”

“You’re not falling asleep tonight,” Bea stated. “We’re watching The Silence of the Lambs.”

Harry’s lack of reaction seemed to deflate her. She clicked a button on the remote and the opening credits of the film began to roll.

“I have no clue how you’re with someone who writes and paints,” Bea murmured.

“If yeh figure it out, let me know.”

The pair lapsed into silence as the movie started. And didn’t even exchange a glance when Queenie appeared, curling up on the cushion between them.

Bea paused after a bit to take a call from Josie and microwave a bag of popcorn, and when she returned she found her cat sprawled across Harry’s lap, purring loudly, much to Harry’s chagrin. She had to consciously stop herself from spitting out laughter. Instead, she sat back in her seat and slid the bowl of popcorn into the spot that Queenie had abandoned.

***

“That was fucked up,” Harry eventually said, when the end credits of the movie had been rolling for a few minutes.

“Yes.”

“He wore the guy’s face.”

“He eats people. I feel like that’s the more fucked up of the two.”

Harry shook his limbs, as though he could expel the disturbing parts of the movie from his memory. Queenie, who hadn’t moved since she settled into his lap, took unkindly to his movement, stretched to the floor, and bounded into Bea’s bedroom.

“Glad Melody didn’t watch this one.”

Bea drew in a deep breath and shook her head. “Melody loves scary movies,” she informed him. "But that’s because she knows they’re not real. She’s not—It’s different when you live it, right?”

Harry fell silent. Whether she agreed or not, he was the one that had dragged Melody into a horror film of her own. Now she could barely sleep in her own bed because of his brother. And he didn’t know how else he could help, how else he could ward off the monsters.

“Speak of the devil,” Bea said as she caught sight of Harry’s phone, where it buzzed on the coffee table. “Mel” was spelled across the screen. Harry leaned forward to answer the call and bring the phone to his ear.

“Hi.”

“Hey, man.”

Sean’s voice sounded muffled and uneasy. Harry felt himself stiffen almost immediately, and his body language conveyed something to Bea. She unfolded her legs to place her feet flat on the floorboards.

“Wha’s wrong?”

“Why does something have to be wrong?”

“Because yeh’re callin’ me from Melody’s phone and yeh sound like yeh’re about to get in trouble. Don’ fuck with me.”

There was a brief hiccup of a chuckle on the other end of the line. It was a nervous sound. Harry didn’t like it one bit.

“Uh, she lost her match.” Sean cleared his throat before he went on. “She’s about to get an X-ray of her torso done right now. I’m sure it’s just—”

“Fuckin’ Christ, Sean! Yeh could’ve led with that.” Harry was already on his feet, reaching for the arm of the sofa to keep his balance when he realized he was forgetting his cane. He doubled back and waved off Bea’s desperate vie for information.

“She’s probably fine!” Sean defended. “I don’t think she broke anything or she would’ve been a little more hysterical.”

“For fuck’s sake. I’ll be there in fifteen.”

Harry hung up before Sean could respond. “She’s gettin’ X-rays at the hospital,” he spat at Bea, who was following him around and demanding to know what was going on. “Might have a broken rib or somethin’.”

So much for this strange bonding experience that Melody had insisted on. It felt more like something sorority sisters might do on the weekends than anything else, anyway. And Harry didn’t wait for Bea as he hobbled down the complex stairs, struggling into a jacket while supporting himself with his cane. But somehow she ended up in the cab with him, and their mutual silence felt unifying.

***

“Floor two,” the woman at the lobby’s desk said. Harry was already crossing to the elevators, so she nearly shouted the room number to him. Bea, despite being in perfect health, had to rush to keep up with him. Her curls bounced with every hurried step.

“Harry, I’m sure she’s okay.” She tugged the zipper down on her jacket as they waited for an elevator and tried to catch her breath. This felt like exercise, and Bea hated exercise. “Not that you shouldn’t be worried,” she continued, “but don’t act like she’s on the brink of death. She’s used to injuries.”

Harry snorted humorlessly. Melody didn’t know what injuries were. She told him once that she’d never been to the hospital for herself. It was always a cousin giving birth or her father getting stitches. She had never split her skin open far enough to get stitched up herself, or been hit so hard that her insides were bleeding, or snapped a bone.

There was a musical ding as an elevator reached the ground floor. Harry didn’t wait for the family on it to exit before he shouldered past them and jammed his thumb into the button for the second story. Bea was more patient. She allowed everyone out before she stepped in beside Harry and watched him smash the button to close the elevator doors. It was almost endearing to see him so concerned, but it was also too intense for her tastes.

There was no elevator music to lull the pair of them. They waited in silence until they reached the floor that Melody was on and then navigated through the halls quickly until they found the correct room number. Sean was just inside the door.

“Ah, I thought you’d gotten lost or—”

“Fuck you,” Harry snapped as he stepped past his friend. Melody was laying in a hospital bed. This setting was so familiar to Harry, but with the roles reversed, it felt like he was having a nightmare of his own.

“You don’t have to be rude to him, you know,” Melody muttered.

She had an awful, swelling bruise on her forehead, so close to her temple that it could’ve made Harry sick. She was in a sports bra, and for the first time he noticed Vanessa, who was meticulously wrapping up Melody’s ribcage.

“‘S not broken?” was the first thing Harry said.

“No,” Vanessa answered.

“Bruised.” Sean took a step forward, trying to insert himself back into the conversation that he had been ejected from. “She was doing really well and then—”

“I don’ wanna hear from you,” Harry interrupted. Melody rolled her eyes. Sean sighed.

“Fine, I guess I’ll go home,” he said. “I’ll let Goodman know you’re out for at least a month.”

Melody’s eyes widened and when she moved, the pressure on her ribs made her flinch. “A month?”

“At least,” Sean repeated.

“It’s a bruise.”

“‘S a bruised rib, Melody,” Harry snapped.

Sean left without any goodbyes. Bea leaned up against the wall where he’d been standing and lifted an eyebrow. “Thought you had defenses like a brick wall,” she teased.

“Shut up,” Melody mumbled as Vanessa finished her work. The room fell silent.

“Do you want some ice for your face?” Vanessa asked eventually, when Melody had been avoiding everyone’s eyes and the rest of them were sick of looking at each other.

“No, I can just—”

“Yes, she’ll take some ice,” Harry cut in.

“You tend to interrupt people,” Melody informed him. She laid back gently against the pillows that had been propped up behind her. “Have you noticed?”

Bea snorted. “Pretty sure he does it on purpose,” she said before wandering out of the room. Vanessa glanced between Harry and Melody and then followed Bea. The tension that had already filled the air seemed to thicken, settling over the two of them like an unnavigable fog. Harry sliced through it first.

“This is why I don’ want yeh fighting,” he said.

“You’re such a hypocrite, Harry,” she muttered. Then her voice rose. “If you were still in the ring you’d be getting injured, too. And I—”

Harry ignored the sting that he felt, the knowledge that he couldn’t box in his current condition. What if she wasn’t able to write? These days it seemed just that she didn’t want to, but if she wasn’t able to, wouldn’t she feel this same sort of despair? “Mel, yeh bruised your fuckin’ rib.” He took a step further into the room. “A little more pressure and it breaks. A little less luck and it punctures a fuckin’ lung and yeh’re chokin’ on blood. These are not just injuries. Yeh didn’ just fall off a bike and scrape your knee.”

Melody paused. She didn’t know how to respond. That sounded like her own fears spit back in her face. A half inch to the left and that bullet would’ve killed you.

“Are you going to keep yelling?”

“‘M not fuckin’ yelling. Do yeh want me to yell?” Harry’s brows knitted together and he shook his head. “What did yeh expect, me to lay down next to yeh and tell yeh ‘m so glad yeh’re okay? ‘S not happenin’. Think I’ve made my feelings pretty clear when it comes to this.”

“Actually, I didn’t expect anything. I didn’t want to call you.” Melody licked her lips as she studied the anger etched into the lines of Harry’s face, and then the minuscule shift as he realized that Sean was on his side. At least in this moment. “It comes with being a boxer,” she said after a pause. “You told me that once.”

Harry sighed. “Yeh’re not a fuckin’ boxer, Mel. Yeh’re a writer. Yeh’re a painter.”

“I can be whatever the fuck I want to be, Harry. And you’re not going to tell me what that is.”

His features hardened for a moment and then he glanced out the window. There was snow falling, slowly and gently, without the force of the brutal wind that would arrive in the coming weeks. It was so peaceful out there, and Harry wondered how he’d let himself become so resentful.

He stared outside for a few long minutes and then let his eyes wander back to Melody, who was already picking absentmindedly at the wrappings of her ribcage. His legs were growing weary and he was on the verge of needing to sit. Melody glanced up when she felt the weight of his gaze.

“Can we go home now?” she asked, and her voice was so soft, so at odds with the way she’d spoken her last sentence, that Harry could feel himself physically jarred by the shift.

“I can’ help yeh walk,” he said, though the words tasted like acid. “Yeh’re gonna need Bea and I dunno where she went off to.”

Melody chewed on her lower lip. She felt guilty for the short argument they’d had, and she could see that same feeling reflected back at her. The match had tired her out, her bruised rib hurt with every expansive breath. In vain, tears began to collect at the corners of her reddening eyes.

“Don’,” Harry said, taking a shaky step forward. He could sense the shift even before he saw her chin trembling. “Please, don’.”

“I’m not, I’m not,” she murmured, pressing her fingers to her eyelids, as if they could keep the water back like a dam. “Uh, how was the movie?”

“It was good,” Harry assured her, surprising himself. He hadn’t known that he enjoyed it until then, when he was put on the spot. Bea appeared like she’d been summoned.

“I heard that!” she nearly shouted. “He liked it!” Then her eyes fell to Melody and her snide grin tipped into a frown. “Why are you crying?”

“I’m not crying,” Melody said with a discrete sniffle. “Can someone ask Vanessa if we can leave?”

“She said you just need to take it easy for a few weeks.” Bea shuffled past Harry and pried Melody’s hands from her face. “Which means no training.”

“Perfect,” Melody mumbled. She allowed Bea to begin shifting her out of the bed, gently twisting her limbs, trying not to tweak her rib. Harry had to lower himself into the chair a few feet from where he had been standing to give his legs some relief.

“The wraps are just for you to get home.” Bea paused as Melody bit back a whimper, waiting for her to straighten her torso. “And she’s hooking you up with some pain meds.”

“Yeh’ll need ‘em,” Harry muttered. He stood back up as the girls made their way toward the door. They were a conspicuous group, with a cane, a wrapped ribcage, and shuffling footsteps. Eyes followed them through the halls, all the way to a cab.

***

Melody’s lips grew white as Harry helped her out of her wrappings. She screwed her eyes shut and her fingertips curled into his knee.

“Okay,” he whispered as he tugged the final loop of fabric loose, leaving her skin bare. The sight of her flesh made him hiss. “Who the fuck hit yeh, the Hulk?”

“Mmm.”

Harry pressed a hand to her cheek. Her skin was hot, damp, and he could feel her jaw twitching, like she might be grinding her teeth. Her breathing was shallow.

“Let’s get yeh some o’ those painkillers, yeah?”

“No, I’m okay,” she whispered, though her voice shook.

“Mel.” He pressed a kiss to one of her closed eyes. “I’ve had a bruised rib before.”

She didn’t respond. He heard her try to take a deeper breath and then felt her neck quiver beneath his fingertips. She shook with the effort of stifling a cough.

“Don’ do that.” He pressed her backward and she gasped, clinging to his arm and letting out an agonized sob at the sharp intake of breath. “‘M sorry,” he rushed. “Love, ‘m sorry. Just sit back for me.”

She let him lower her away from him, eyes still squeezed shut and chin beginning to tremble like it had in the hospital. Her eyelashes were wet and Harry touched his forehead to hers. “Okay?”

“No.”

He let out a short huff of acknowledgment and then lifted the pillow from beside them, holding it tenderly to her chest as he leaned back. “If yeh need to cough just hold this to your chest. ’S still gonna hurt but it’ll be better.”

There was a pause before she wrapped her arms around the pillow and sputtered out a few gentle coughs. Her eyelids fluttered, nails biting into her palms, lips curling into her mouth.

“Melody, yeh don’ have to pretend yeh’re not in fuckin’ pain,” Harry told her, pressing a hard kiss to her cheekbone. He brushed hair away from her forehead, carefully avoiding her bruise, and then used his thumb to pry her lips back into place before kissing them. “Not on my account. ‘M sorry I got angry. I don’ want yeh to fight. But if yeh’re hurtin’ like this ‘m not just gonna tell yeh to suck it up.”

Harry stroked her ear and her tensed facial muscles began to relax. Her lips parted. She opened her eyes to glance up at him and almost immediately let them fall closed again as she began to cry.

“Okay, okay,” he mumbled. He didn’t know whether it was for her or for himself. And he didn’t know if her tears were solely from the pain or for another reason entirely.

The mattress shifted despite his best efforts as Harry climbed off the bed. He hurried into the kitchen, gathering Melody’s prescription, a glass of water, and an ice pack. He almost didn’t even realize he’d forgotten his cane until he was laying himself down beside Melody, who had pulled the pillow up to cover the bottom half of her face, stifling her shallow sobs. But this wasn’t a moment to celebrate.

“All right, love, take some o’ these.” He shook out a few pills and reached across her for the glass he’d put on the night table. She lowered the pillow enough to toss the meds back and swallow a gulp of water, but Harry had to tug it from her grip so he could position the ice atop her angry, swelling bruise. Somehow, he’d finagled her bra over her head before attempting to unwrap her, and her breasts erupted in goosebumps at the cold touch.

“It fucking hurts,” she whimpered out.

“I know, I know.” Harry settled his hand over the ice pack, pressing his lips to Melody’s shoulder. “Give the pills a little bit o’ time.”

He fell silent and stroked her wrist with his free hand until her tears began to ebb. The clock read one in the morning. Bea had gone to bed as soon as they’d gotten home because she needed to work on a group project the next morning. Harry was beginning to feel tired himself, and he couldn’t imagine how exhausted Melody was.

“Just one problem after another,” he finally said. “Just can’ seem to catch a break, can we?”

“Wouldn’t life be so boring?”

He chuckled against her skin. “Just a little break would be nice, though.”

Melody didn’t respond. Her shallow breathing was beginning to slow. Harry kissed her cheek to check that she was truly asleep before he removed the ice pack from her side and very carefully covered her with the sheets. And he hoped that the rest of her healing would pass more smoothly than this first night.

Chapter 12

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Im about to finally watch that NC review of The Wall after watching a bunch of videos about it and Im just gonna put my thoughts during it in this post

Okay I just checked this review has 85k dislikes, 22k likes and 1.5 million views Im scared

I also havent watched actually watched The Wall btw, but I did watch Folding Ideas video if that helps

Oh god I really liked NC in like 2019 and even the beginning of 2020 and his greeting is giving me vietnam flashbacks

I hate Dougs voice already

Okay a bunch of shit is happening

Now theyre just showing clips from the original movie but as a horrible montage with fire edited over it

Dougs face makes me uncomcortable and I hate looking at it

Hes singing again goddamnit

Thank god, an ad

He stopped singing again thank god

What the fuck is that

I hate those giggles theyre awful

Why is Doug Walker a vampire

The costuming is straight up awful what is the budget on this

The cg is so bad and outdated why did they even bother

What are these dance moves

Theyre mentioning twitter now???

I just watched that 3 musical minute sequence and I have no idea what Doug is even trying to say

He spat out a bird? Huh??

What

Bro the animation is so bad

This would literally be completely incoherent without the on the nose lyrics

"So long Oscar-bait song/smoke a bong and it'll feel less wrong" bro what

I havent even watched the fucking movie and even I know hes missing the point, how did I ever think his reviews were good

I didnt not need to see Doug Walker wailing about being Jesus while shirtless in front of badly edited stockphoto water

What is that

His acting is so bad and I still hate his face

Im not even halfway through

I just wanna go back to working on my AU while watching actually good longform reviews

I cant even read the comments bc I wanna focus on the review itself I hate it here

This frame is very blue. I love the color, but its kinda out of place and was probably not done on purpose

What now

What

Why

I wanna commit crimes

Have I mentioned that I hate looking at Dougs face

That was, without exageration, the worst sponsor Ive ever seen

ITS NOT OVER???

I too call the people I am writing a love letter to whiny and pretentious

Oh god

What in the world

I didnt think it was possible but Dougs singing voice just got worse

Dude they drew on his head with like, marker or something and I can see it smudge

He got all these people and all these props and had these wholeass songs written but he couldnt even brush his fucking teeth before going on Youtube

Okay theyre doing a full on twitter song

What is this shit

This is the most boomer centrist thing I have ever seen in my life

What the fuck was that

The eye imagery going on is geniuienly very unsettling and kind of disorienting but I cant really appreciate it bc its just so bad

What is that

AND AD THANK GOD

Back to the bullshit

What is that

The greenscreen looks so bad

Only 11 minutes lets fucking gooooooo

Doug Walker standing in that hallway doing a power stance is my new sleep paralasis demon

Dude what are they even doing

What is that squirrel thing on this random guys counter

I dont understand whats going on

What in the world is that furry nightmare squirrel in the studio

Why is the edgy cowboy furry OC lecturing me about The Arts

I legimately cant understand most of the words being said and I have no idea if its because my brain has been fried or because they just went with the first take of every line

This part of the review is usually praised as "the best part" so Im both intrigued and really scared

Oh god its another furry OC

Okay I actually quite like the design of the grey furry with the big hat and six arms I just really hate the way he moves, I think it would look better as a static model or preferably a 2d drawing

Another Ad!

I also like the black one with the white horns and red accents

Okay what the fuck is that

I mean the one with the way too many antlers is a bit better than the one before it but it looks like the designer kinda gave up at this point

This feels like an acid trip but in the worst way

I think this is the first thing Ive seen that had a dragon in it, that didnt make it better at all

I mean. i guess this is very impressive but why

I feel like every single voice actor for these creatures recorded the lyrics with a completely different mic

Hey, what the fuck

Well this sure is all happening

What

"Well, the movie ended on such an open vagueness that it only makes sense the the review end on such an open vagueness" hey fuckface, thats not how reviews work

Thank you musician guy who had no lines up until now (I think his name was Corey??)

All of this bullshit and for WHAT

Theyre singing the spongebob squarepants theme song

These 30 seconds where the most I enjoyed myself consecutively during this entire 40 minute video

I dont know how, but Doug Walker somehow manages to stay unlikeable even while hes shouting out a charity that probably does wonderful work

In conclusion, there is a total of 5 Things I Enjoyed in this 40 minute review:

That gray furry with the hat and six arms

That black furry with the horns and red accents and eyes

The shade of blue during that one very blue shot

The spongebob squarepants theme

Apparently Griff Taylor (the son of the musician guy, Corey Taylor) is a fan of NC for some reason and his dad pretty much did this for him, and I can appreciate that on some level

[apothecarywormcrud]

11 and 13 for Masato? 👀 i wanna say all of them for Masato but.

oh i am DOING all of them i wanna talk about masato

or. well. most of them. 

1. Does your insert have a name that’s different from yours? Does the name reflect their character in any way, or is it just because it sounds nice? How did you come up with it?

I’ve talked about this before, but Masato’s name is very specifically spelled 眞人, (the kanji for “real” and “human,” respectively.) I sorta knew from the start that I wanted to give them a name with 人 in it; something deliberately ironic, because Mayuri is a dick who loves a bad joke. 

(It’s a particularly cruel joke in the context of Masato’s original backstory, where they were meant to be an experiment in what happens when you let someone think they’re a real person and then strip that assumption away. But I wanted to give them sick powers, so that was shunted to the sidelines.) 

2. Does your insert have a very strong relationship with a f/o, maybe more than one? 

I talk about Szayel enough on here so I’m gonna talk about Nnoitra instead. In my version of canon, his mask is cracked open by Kenpachi, reducing him to a state similar to Nel’s. (That’s karmic retribution, bitch!) Suffice to say he’s pretty upset about this, and proceeds to skulk about Las Noches refusing to let anyone see him until Szayel gets back to fix things. 

Masato meets him by chance when their powers are still sealed up post-jailbreak (this one’s seal 2: electric boogaloo) and is all like, what’s with this sassy lost pre-teen? Eventually they become sparring partners, since while Nnoitra’s regaining his powers, Masato is the only person in Las Noches capable of fighting at such a low level; and once he’s got them back, they can go hog-wild without worrying about fucking him up too much. Their relationship doesn’t have the same...belligerent romantic tension that Masato and Szayel’s does, but Nnoitra is fond of Masato, even if he’s horrible at admitting it. They’re friends and they suck! 

More abt. Nnoitra actually bc I love this song: nerfing him puts him in a position where he’s forced to rely on other people, and despite feeling totally worthless and vulnerable and having to undergo the humiliation of being protected, there’s also the experience of being told, “So what if you don’t have any power? That doesn’t make me respect you any less.” So he has the opportunity to build his self-worth back up based on something less subjective, and now he can actually interact with other people on the same level, which is great news for Tesla, who gets to strengthen his spine and be truly up front about his feelings, because Nnoitra no longer has any power over him. 

I think, for relationships like these, finding a level playing field is super important! And I’ve always been fascinated by characters who develop in opposition to one another and eventually meet in the middle. Masato and Szayel are also that way, in that they round out some of his edges, and he sharpens some of theirs, and the actual feelings proper don’t start developing until a ways in, and they’re not even admitted until post-canon, because in order to even consider that sort of relationship, the two of them have to come to respect each other first. Enemies-to-lovers is a fucking ART. 

3. Who in their canon are they closest to? 

Kurosaki fam and by extension, Ichigo’s friends. Masato has commissioned at least one custom jacket from Uryu. Also Arrancar Squad and my friend Percy’s insert Juro, who’s a creepy little goth weirdo and a visored.  

4. Does your insert have a backstory? Tell us about it! How does their backstory, if any, define who they are? 

Masato is a mod-soul based off of Mayuri’s quincy research. They’re designed to passively absorb reishi until at max capacity (which is quite large), at which point they can be forcefully “detonated,” destroying them in the process and causing a significant amount of damage to the surrounding area as the stored reishi is released. As a weapon, they’re highly experimental—meant as a last resort rather than something put to regular use. 

Mayuri dumped them in the human world, where their reishi absorption wouldn’t negatively impact the Seireitei, and planned to let them simmer there for about ten years. There’s a seal incorporated into their gigai that not only blocks them from accessing the reishi inside of them, but prevents any outside force (such as hollows) from sensing it. 

Once they become aware of what they are, Masato gets big anxious about anything that implies they’re not a real person. I’d love to salvage Kon’s original personality from before he was relegated to pervy comic relief because I think there’s the potential for some interesting interactions there. 

5. Does your insert have any magical talents or otherwise special abilities? 

Passive reishi absorption, and after Uruhara modifies their gigai so they can access their power reserves, they can vent it from their body and use the force to blast themselves around or add more power to their blows. Their body is about as resilient as a normal human’s, but the only way they can truly “die” is if their soul candy is crushed, which means that injuries that would normally be fatal are just excruciatingly painful. This definitely isn’t just an excuse for me to fuck them up beyond all belief. 

Due to Szayel’s tinkering, they eventually end up as what’s effectively an artificial Quincy. 

6. Do they fight? What’s their weapon of choice? What’s the motivation for them to fight, or to stay OUT of a fight?

They prefer not to fight if they can avoid it, but if shit gets real then they won’t hesitate, bitch. They’re reasonably proficient with a blade after several years of kendo training, and like to bring a practice sword into dangerous situations. It’s not going to do much good against the likes of shinigami or hollows, but it makes them feel more secure, and it’s a good misdirection tactic. 

Due to the whole “functionally unkillable” thing, they’re also far more likely to take risks in battle, and have a tendency to rush in without thinking when one of their comrades is hurt. 

7. What kind of clothing style do they like? What would they never be caught dead wearing? 

It’s all cropped jackets and harem pants up in this bitch. I drew them in that sort of outfit once and now it’s all I give them. They don’t particularly care for their arrancar clothes, but it makes them less conspicuous and also, Szayel insisted on it. Can’t have your prized experiment running around looking like some sort of ragamuffin, after all. I keep meaning to write something where they visit Sastre for a fitting, because what good is having other arrancar OCs if I don’t do anything with them? 

8. How do they fit into their canon world?

A side character who tags along with the main cast but ultimately doesn’t impact events too much. They have their own wholly separate plot going for them and it involves self-actualization and kissing arrancar. 

9. Their favorite foods? Colors? Activities? What do they enjoy in life? 

Kendo, gardening, bike rides through the countryside.

11. How easy is it to make your insert angry? Sad? How easy is it to twist their emotions into negative things? 

Masato’s actually pretty difficult to rile up, unless you’re pushing some Very Specific buttons (personhood is the big one), at which point they become incredibly easy to mess with. Szayel is...uncomfortably good at making them upset. 

13. What are your insert’s goals? 

Up to a certain point, they were happy to live a normal life and protect the people around them when called for. Then they wind up back in Mayuri’s lab and proceed to jailbreak Szayelaporro, retreat to Hueco Mundo, and strike a deal with him in order to gain more power and get mutual revenge on Mayuri. 

Post-canon...they start coming to terms with the fact that their body will never age and grow like a normal human’s, and that if/when they die, their soul will effectively be destroyed, and they decide, hey, fuck that shit, actually, and do a bunch of crazy science until they’ve got that shit sorted out (ultimately becoming like Nemu, if not something that improves on her design). 

14. Does your insert have any family relations? 

Isshin was the one who found them shortly after they were dumped on Earth, and kept them around for a number of reasons (the majority of which involved his Soul Reaper Senses tingling). So Masato’s got what’s effectively an adoptive dad and three younger siblings, who they dote on and bully interchangeably (and whose last name they may or may not have borrowed) (Isshin insisted on it, actually, since it’d make the documentation easier). They have temporary solidarity with Yuzu over not being able to see spirits. 

Mayuri is....arguably family but also like, fuck that. Masato does consider Nemu to be something like a sister, though, and feels particularly protective of her the more they interact. They have just as much a desire to help Nemu escape Mayuri’s influence as they do themselves. 

15. Does your insert have any enemies? What’s that dynamic like? Why are they enemies? Did they ever get along in the past? Is patching up differences out of the question for the future?

Fuck Mayuri me and my homies all hate Mayuri. I shouldn’t really need to explain this one. He treats Masato solely as an experiment and tool for his use. Unlike with Nemu, the fact that Masato is developing on their own is more of an inconvenience than anything, and before they broke out with Szayel, Mayuri was fully intending to wipe their memories and start over from square one. There is some good news, however, which is that Masato does get their revenge and uses their shiny new Quincy powers to seal up Mayuri’s reishi and get him kicked out of the captain’s seat. 

Szayel starts off as an enemy, since you can’t really have an enemies-to-lovers plot without one. He’s done some pretty atrocious things to Masato, but he treats them significantly more like a person than Mayuri ever did. Masato has very little respect for him, and the only reason they start working with him to begin with is because he represents a means to an end. Of course, the more time they spend together, the more tolerant they become of each other...among other things.