#bc it was 11 minutes long and was the exact time it took her to drive HAHAHA

[cramberry24]

I love when im listening to music and put on like, a long song and then FORGET its long, like Heart’s live version of Stairway to Heaven (8 mins) or Pink Floyd’s Shine On You Crazy Diamond (13 mins), bc ill put the song on repeat and then look at the time and im like WHAT DO YOU MEAN ITS BEEN 45 MINUTES IVE ONLY LISTENED TO THIS SONG FOUR TIMES

[sorenskyhigh]

What about a s/o that moves around in her sleep... Like me. I kick and I somehow end up upside down (my face at the end of the bed)... Kenma, Hinata, Tendou & Bokuto...

Thank you so much for sending in so many requests!!!!!!! 💕 💖 Seriously!!!!!! @thatfunnysprout has great content I suggest you check it out!

A S/O That Flops Around Like a Fish Out of Water When Sleeping

Featuring Kenma, Hinata, Tendo, and Bokuto

Kozume Kenma

The first time Kenma sleeps in the same bed as you is when you offer to help him study in his senior year

Kuroo is, obviously, gone and busy with uni

You both study until it's dark so Kenma decides to stay there

You are putting your stuff up and getting ready for bed

You turn around and see Kenma already curled up under your blankets

You were going to let him have the bed anyway but he didn't even ask, boyfriend or not

"What are you staring at?" He asked and lightly patted the bed space next to him

You flushed, you knew you were a rowdy sleeper

You didn't want to end up punching or kicking your boyfriend!!!!

"No, I'm going to go sleep on the futon"

"What? Why? I'm not going to do anything, puddin'."

The little nickname he gave you made you weak

How could you say no? His pout was irresistible

"But I move around a lot in my sleep. I don't want to bother you."

"I'll be fine, pudding. Besides, we'll end up sleeping in the same bed someday, right?"

He smiled oh-so-innocently at you as you couldn't help but flush very very red

He patted the area next to him again, this time with more persistence

You slid in next to him saying "If I punch you and knock you out you can't be mad at me"

"I could never really get mad at you, pudding."

You were sleeping face to face holding hands

Not to long after you flopped over on your back, your arm dangling over the bed

Kenma wasn't a light sleeper by any means, but this was his first time sharing such a small space and being around you thus vulnerable

So he forced his eyes open

They burned from being tired

He saw your arm and knew it would go numb dangling like that so he brought it back over, turning you over as well

Then he was jolted awake from one of your legs flying over and resting across his thighs

He chuckled a little

You hadn't been joking when you said you moved alot

Then you practically scared the shit out of him when you pulled him into a bear hug

Kenma now felt very uncomfortable

His face was pressed into your chest and your legs tangled

One of your hands was woven into his now very messy hair

Kenma didn't know what to do

He didn't know where to put his hands that wouldn't be inappropriate

And one of your legs was pressing right against him crotch

You couldn't breathe well either since his mouth and nose were firmly pressed against you

You started rubbing his hair, still sound asleep

You whispered a very adoring Kenma before planting a kiss on the top of his head

He smiled little, still holding back laughter

Kenma started to slowly pull himself away, untangling himself from you

"No~o, Kenma!" You said clinging onto him even tighter

And somehow you were still asleep!!!!!

Kenma couldn't help but let out a small chuckle

He managed to free himself and wrapped his arms around you

One arm over your middle, the other coming up under your head

He planted a kiss on your forehead

You smiled sluggishly and happily slurred "My Kenma"

Thus made Kenma's whole week to say the least

He insisted the next day that you barely moved and that he had no idea what you had been worried about

A bruise on his shin said otherwise

But he hid it well with help from Lev

Shoyo Hinata

Hinata usually would fall asleep at the table while you help him with his homework after school

You would have to bring a single tatami and lay it next to your bed

He knew you were a wild sleeper bc you had accidently slapped him on accident when he'd sleep on a cot on the floor next to your bed

He would always joke that you'll take his eye out one day and he won't be able to see to play volleyball

He's a real good sport about it though

This time, Kageyama was studying with you and Hinata

You had been helping them out for awhile until you guys noticed that it was dark, like 11 at night

So Kageyama was staying over

Hinata said he could share your bed and Kageyama could sleep on the tatami

Kageyama made a joke about how he wanted to get soem sleep that night

Hinata started an argument with Kageyama about how he wouldn't do that and he wanted to wait until you two graduated

You honestly didn't want to hurt Hinata in your sleep, but you didn't have anywhere else for him to sleep and it was really late and both boys lived a good ways away from your house

You positioned the tatami a little further away from the bed than if Hinata were to sleep on it

Hinata likes to feel close to you even if you're smacking the shit out of him

Hinata decided to sleep on the outside bc once you were so active in your sleep you rolled out of bed onto him

Both of you woke up screaming and scared everyone in your house

Hinata quietly promised you he would sleep with his back to you

Kageyama was fast asleep in the middle of your room

Hinata was sleeping peaceful until you threw your arm over and just about took his eye out

He giggled, almost waking Kageyama up

Hinata very lightly poked your side and it caused you to roll over with a slurred sorry

He giggled again and fell back asleep

Hinata deftly throughout the night would tap you to wake you up enough to flip over

He's very understanding and works with you very easily with it

Satori Tendo

Satori always made you feel really safe when you cuddle so you fall asleep on him a lot

Honestly, bc he was so much stronger than you that he would snuggle you and pin you down

Satori would only let you move if you really needed too

He handles it the best on this list

You've never been able to smack him bc he never lets you

You told him about it and he took it in long strides

Get it bc he has long legs nvm

Anyways.......he actually finds it funny

Even endearing

He'll make jokes that you get very handsy

When you blush he'll take the opportunity to kiss you all over your face

Then continue to razz you by saying he likes how you're so forward when you're not in your right mind

Then he gets super flirty and says he'll make you lose it with his voice alone

Satori also completely enrapts you when you guys sleep so you can't move around either

Satori loves this about you actually, he can't even explain why he loves it but he just does

All of the things you think are bad about you, he cherishes and tells you he loves them

He so thinks the sweet things you say about him in your sleep are the best

But, even though he would never admit it to you, some of the things you say scare him

You've said things along the lines of "Can you see its heads, the man in the corner"

One time you said "Hey do you hear that?" And then someone knocked on the door

He whole heartedly believes you get teleported somewhere in your sleep

Koutaro Bokuto

The first time it happened, of course Kou thought you had randomly had gotten mad at him while you were sleeping and slapped him

It was the first time you guys had shared a bed and Kou was trying his best to not make you uncomfortable

He hadn't been able to fall asleep bc he was worried he'd cuddle you in his sleep

But your arm had swung over and domed him

He immediately woke you up and asked you what he had done wrong

You explained to him that you just moved around a lot in your sleep

You had to comfort him for an hour until he calmed down and was reconvinced that you in fact loved him still

He kept that in mind bc you also kicked him square in his juicy ass one time

He cried out so loud you woke up and he tried to stop you from crying and apologizing

Another time you grabbed his face and squished his face against your chest and screamed "I hope you win today, baby" and then proceeded to shove him off the bed

Do you have any idea how much strength you need to push his dummy thicc self off the bed?

He was so shocked that he just stayed there and stared at the ceiling for moment

He then got back into bed, very disturbed, and went back to sleep

Then there's the time you very forcefully grabbed his meaty bicep and licked it

Kou hasn't looked at you the same after that bc you said "Tasty sexy man muscles"

He never told you what you said but he started purposefully flexing just to get you to blush and giggle

Sometimes you flex with him and you both with jokingly flex at each other for like, twenty minutes in the kitchen

You guys do it in public now, too

Also, in his sleep, Bokuto heard you starting to move around so he held out his hand and did it at the exact right time to catch your wrist

He boasts about it all the time

Sorry this took so long, my birth giver decided to stay home for an extra day so I couldn't work on it

@popcorntime-doodles @multifandombrainrot @kneecapstealingalien @jiheonity @weareallhumans123 @smallmangi @canadian-crow @just-jellyfish @immiamarais @i-need-coffee-now-pls @kuroos-world @luminasapphire @silverfire6 @shadowsbutdead @ghostexhibit @simpfornishinoya @goshikisimp @anothershadeofpink @mestayanon @all-around-fandoms31 @myyeetfelloff @itsallgonnabokayihope @g00s3 @boreateo @backalley-astrologer @vaniatslover @lil-mellow-bunbun @strawberrymakki @beelziee @mehreenlol @taiyahhh @sakusasgerm @cr4z3d-cl0wn @detective-shigaraki @brendanfkelley

[alto-march-of-death]

🍉 with al plz

here we go... I have other requests I could be doing for this event but, I’m doing this for you, my lovely wife. also, if any of my other followers are wondering what it would be like to love me, this is it; I’m a big, soft baby

Pairing: Al x reader (specifically Adele)

WC: unknown bc I wrote this in ten minutes

Warnings: gay yearning

Al doesn’t really remember the exact moment that she realized she was falling for you.

Perhaps it was the countless times you tripped on the rug in the living room, always mumbling about how you’ll remember that it’s there one day. Or maybe it was the way you could go on for hours about your favorite time period in art history and literature. It could’ve even been the moments when you’d wrinkle your nose at the steam from your coffee or tea that fogged your glasses up.

All of those moments were beautiful, but they would never compare to the one that made her realize she was in love with you.

It was early on a Sunday morning. Al was in the kitchen, cutting up some vegetables from the garden in preparation for whatever dinner she had planned. You shuffled in, a fuzzy blanket over your shoulders, hair a mess around your head.

She pushes a mug towards you. It was before 11, so coffee was in the mug; any time after 11 meant tea. You wrap your hands around it, the steam fogging your lenses like always. You took a deep inhale, and a sip.

You hummed before looking up at her with a smile. It was then, that Sunday morning, that she realized she was in love. She realized that every morning could be like this with you, as long as you loved her too.

“Why are you looking at me like that,” you mumble.

“No reason. I just love you,” she says, turning back to the vegetables.

You flush, then giggle. “I love you too, Al.”

Find my 400 Followers event here!

[futurewriter2000]

My Dear Audience

I know you are usually the victims of my emotional outbursts I post on my blog, probably didn't read the fine print when you pressed the follow button. You can always skip these posts/rants I make that's why I always put the "keep reading" function so that yall don't have to scroll for 10 minutes straight. But sometimes I write things down to get clearer in certain situations I'm in. It helps me figure it out. It's like my subconscious speaking to my conscious dumbass. Idk, maybe it will help you too or not. You can always write me your opinions because I love to see other opinions and perspective on certain themes I put in here. So let's get into it!

The reason I'm writing this is because it's faster to write in my journal and I don't trust my journal at all. Like I don't know why I'm hiding certain things from my journal. Maybe because my sister and mother used to read them when I was a kid. But yeah, sometimes I can be a little pathetic. But bear with me. We are all different and how we process emotions is different to all of us.

My sister told me something about me missing somebody, who I had dealt with in the recent past. And I told her that I don't and that I moved on from him already.

I firmly do believe I had moved on from him but something made me wonder if I really did when I was trying so hard to explain to her how I did move on.

You see, I did have a lot of friend break ups last year and from seven of them, I think that two hurt me the most. One was a guy (shocker) that I used to be so close with for 3 years but had known him for about 5 years. And the other was my best friend of 3 years or something as well. She was literally amazing to the point when she started to... get a bit wild, which I don't mind but she started to become more wild and more rude, arrogant and ignorant as well.

I was literally so attached to both but there came a moment, a click all of a sudden where I just knew that I don't want to be their friend anymore because they constantly hurt me. The worst part was that I didn't understand the why, I just knew that they were both toxic for me and that I didn't like what said or did to me. It took me long, sobbing and self-blaming nights to move on from both of them. It took me about 8 months to get over the guy and almost a year (around 11 months) to get over her. It's not that I was in love with them- I just love people way too much. I would give the world for my friends.

When I moved on from the guy (1), I met another guy (2) which reminded so much of guy 1. Literally, they were both tall, light eyes, dirty blonde/brown hair, both Aries (like a day apart)... but their character was different. Nevertheless, the similarities were wow but it was their character that made them so different. I admired guy 2 character more than anybody's character (lies... there are a few people) in my life. There is just something so interesting in people who think so differently or are different in general. He just had this magnetic pull. When we met, there was something so similar in him that I couldn't put my finger on and we just clicked in one day. The first day we met, we clicked. First 10 minutes we met, click. There was not even the introduction of our names, we just vibed so much that we let go of the unimportant details.

You can expect I fell in love with the guy. He bought me choclates and energies and opened the doors for me, and he always came to get me for lunch... the guy was literally treating me so good and my hopeless romantic self fell in love. He was the first ever guy that I considered to date. There were previous crushes, yes but he was just "the one". Don't judge. I am way too romantic.

He was the one until he started to give me hot and cold game. But we still vibed. Then he turned out to be gay, which to my surprise I was so relieved. I don't know why I was so relieved but I just was. It made me realise that I really didn't want to be with him in a romantic way, because that was so much pressure and work and I can finally relax. Bc when I can flirt with everything and everybody until I start to catch feelings. Then I turn into a tree. Makes no sense but you know what I mean. I just didn't know how to act.

He left. No goodbye, no nothing. I cried like a baby but it was easy for me to move on because we knew each other for a month and he seemed to be that person, who enters your life for a certain reason. I thought it was to show me that guy 1 was literally an ass and that I can be treated better by friends than I believed.

Okay, I moved on.

Until that bitch returned one day and made me forget to walk. I don't know what he did to me. I knew he was gay, I knew that there will nothing become of us ever. I was okay with that but he still made me feel butterflies. But so did the guy 1 but the guy 1 made me feel more of a sad anxiety butterflies and the guy 2 was happy anxiety butterflies.

We vibed like nothing ever happened. We went out on drinks, walks, I even went to his house, he met one of my friends, we made plans... until a day came where all of a sudden he started to act distant.

I was like, okay... maybe he just needs a time alone. If anything guy 1 has thought me was that I should never drill into people or pressure them to open up to me.

God, I knew something was wrong. I could see it in his eyes and on his face and I just knew it. But you know when people say hurt people hurt people.... oh did he just say the right words to prove that.

We had a conversation and I said something among the lines: "Yeah but at least we're such good friends now."

"Are we?" he said and when I tell you I felt my heart sink into the depth of whatever pit there is. It got cut into pieces and stomped over and shit like that but my defense mechanism is laughter and smiling.

"You're telling me we're not friends?" I asked him, my dumbass laughing.

"Then I must be a really bad friend."

AND MY DUMBASS WENT. "Noooo! You have your good qualities."

And so on and so on.

I'm not playing the victim in this situation. I was not the victim here. He was just... hurting.... he just.... really didn't have to hurt me too and sometimes I wished I went away and didn't start any conversation.

But he was so new and so interesting and I had never clicked so well with anybody.

Don't roll your eyes when I tell you that I believe in soulmates. I do. I believe I had 4 soulmates in my life and it's odd to describe it but there is this... feeling you have when you're with them that just make sense.

My soulmate definitely was not guy 1. But there was this crush I had in middle school that I had never exchanged words with but like I said... there's a feeling and fleeting moments where you just know.

So him... and my best friend of 2 years before the other best friend of 3 years.

And him. The guy 2.

There's a certain click you have with your soulmate. And I had many friends, many people and crushes and loves but none of them are those four soulmates.

I believe guy 2 is... but I also believe that he is that exact karma of what I did with guy 1. I was just not in love with guy 1. I think he was in love with me but I just wasn't in love with him. Yes, we are friends and good but I am not in love with you. (he wrote me a song that I was so oblivious that it was meant for me. I realised that a year later and yes I am face-palming myself right now). I just left him like that.

Just like guy 2 left me like that. I was in love with him but he couldn't be in love with me. And he left me... just like that.... just like I left guy 1. The fucking irony in that.

Months past, guy 2 disappoints me constantly until the point where he disappointed me so hard that I just couldn't go back to him. I never hated him... I never hate anybody but I do learn and I let go.

It was hard for me to let go because the pain felt just as horrible as it did with guy 1... just worse... so much worse. The memories me and guy 2 have are the memories that can be labeled as unforgettable ones. When I tell you that it was like a movie when we were hanging out together. Like a bloody movie... the way we met, the way we clicked, the love/rejection scene, him leaving, him coming back, us not having normal conversations (I had never had conversations as I did with him with anybody in this entire world. The conversations with him were... the ones that you don't forget easily.), the roadtrips we took, the awkward moments, the sharing deepest darkest secrets moments, the fun moments, the way we were so comfortable with each other that it felt like I had known him for years, not months.

Like a movie. A real, indie like movie. Him in bright/white clothes, me in dark/black clothes. Him the logical, me the dreamy. Me the romantic and innocent, him the not so romantic and definitely not so innocent.... like ying and yang... up until the ying didn't want the yang anymore.

I don't know what happened, really... he just didn't want to hang out with me anymore. His whole behaviour towards me changed.

Hurt people hurt people.

I cried... for months... shocker... but then there came a day when I just woke up and I was just ok.

You know there were times I would cry because of the memories. Because I never felt like this with anybody. Oh no... you know when you meet someone who is special in your life. You know you're in it deep from the moment you meet them. Tik Tok tarot readings really did not help. He just randomly popped in my mind. I couldn't look at pistachios... I couldn't drive by the gas station anymore, I even quit my job (but that was mostly for me), I couldn't go to the store without thinking of the time we went to the store. Still, every bus I see I wish I could see him in it.

But then I asked myself. What would I do if I did see him? I mean, the last time he disappointed me so hard that I don't think I could even look at him. I wouldn't want to give him his birthday gift because this shit is long passed. Once exciting to give it, now dreading it. Once I wanted to tell him everything... now I don't want a single thing to share with him because that creates another memory I would only cry over. The fact was.... so much time had passed that all the nostalgia, the energy, the excitement... it all just disappeared because I stopped giving it. I promised myself no more. And yes I wanted to just text him and call him to give him a peace of my mind but no. I held myself back and I rather cried and felt sorry for myself that ever giving my time and energy to someone who just... isn't worth it....

He disappointed me so much to the point I had to realise that when I think of him as someone who has broadened my perspective on the world, taught me certain things and gave me such great memories to look back on... for me he was a soulmate but for him I was just that one person, he worked with. Like he said... I wasn't a friend... though I don't know why he made plans with me... maybe to fill me with empty promises like most people do but I accept that.

I was done wasting time on mourning.

One thing I didn't realise about moving on from people was that you can still wish for them to come back or wish for things to be different and miss the hell out of them. Don't you think that just because I moved on from guy 1 and that best friend that I didn't think of reaching out to them. I did... to every last one of them but that will bring me nowhere. I just don't know where they would lead me... because I changed, yes but that doesn't mean they did.

I still wish them the best... I do look back on them with fond memories. Of course, I don't think the two can even come close to the guy 2. He is one of a kind but there are such wonderful people out in the world and guy 2 has thought me that I can be treated better than some people treated me.

Plus he was a good muse for the emotional works I had written and drew.

So I really did move on... by finally accepting the fact that it won't be like a movie and that not all people are here to change your life and stay in it. Maybe they just change it and leave you to grow further on.

All of them thought me so much but I do swear that the last one had really put an impact in my life. Made it better, no matter the hurt he caused. Most of it was because I let it happen. I let him take the wheel for a while but now I'm driving again and he's left the bus.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Reggie//Repeating History

Request: So you know the flashback episode about the adults of riverdale? I wanted to do some history with Reggie’s dad and the readers mom. Like back in the day they had a serious relationship but the readers mom dumped Marty bc she had to move away WELL FAST FOWARD TO THE FUTURE!! The readers mom moves back to riverdale, only this time she has a kid & she’s a single mother. So to make a long story short. The reader and Reggie meet and hit it off instantly. Pretty much repeating history. And can I get a lot of drama?? Like between the mantle family and the readers family. Also can Reggie and the readers relationship be really hot? And I wouldn’t mind smut at all! I know this seems like a lot and I’m so sorry lol I’ll understand if you don’t want to write it Thank you sm!! 💗💗 @sparklevag

Warning: Smut. Abuse (not a lot, just a mention) 

“20 years and it hasn’t changed a bit.” Your mom smiled as she got out the car. 

“Here we go.” You mumbled and got out the other side. 

Since you can remember, your mom had told you stories of her childhood spent in Riverdale. How all the neighbour kids used to play together, they’d spend summers together while their parents hosted barbecues and parties, a different house each weekend. Everybody knew everyone and it was the best place to live. But a couple years before you were born, her parents moved last minute meaning she had to say goodbye to Riverdale and everything that was in it. 

Now your mom had been given the chance to move due to her job and luckily she was able to move back. She’s been excited since she found out, saying that you were going to experience all the things she got to, even if it was a little later in your life. 17 to be exact, but it still counted. 

“Even the house hasn’t changed.” She beamed excitedly and ran up the front steps. “The decor has though.” She called behind her once she opened the door. “And its awful.” She added making you laugh. 

“It is.” You agreed, once you’d stepped inside. 

“Come on. I’ll show you my old room.” She grabbed your hand, practically pulling you up the stairs. “What did they to it? That wallpaper with those curtains? Its hideous.” She complained. “Awwww, they kept my height chart on the doorframe. Thats cute.” 

“Maybe they just couldn’t see it. You haven’t grown much from about 11.” 

“I was a very tall 11 year old.” She defended and you laughed. “The things I got up to in this room.” She said. “If walls could talk.” She winked and you groaned. 

“Jesus Christ mom. You’re disgusting.” You complained and started to walk away. “Where you going?” She called after you. 

“To find my room.” 

“Have this one!” 

“No thanks.” 

“Its fine. Its not like you’ll have the same bed or dresser or” 

“Ew!” 

“Pleaseeee.” She ran after you. “When I was little I always dreamed of my little girl growing up in my room. That I’d pass it down to her.” 

“Thats weird. And you can’t guilt trip me.” 

“Is it working?” 

“...no.” 

“Yes it is. Now you can have it whatever colour you want and you’ll be getting all new furniture. So all traces of me and my rendezvous will be erased. For you at least.” She mumbled the last part and you fake gagged. 

“Fine.” You agreed. “I’ll have your old room.” 

“Aww.” She hugged you tightly and you rolled your eyes. “You’re gonna love it here. I promise!” 

“How you feeling?” She asked. 

“Alright.” You shrugged and grabbed the toast that was on her plate.

“Hey!” She said annoyed and you smiled sweetly at her. “Its a good job I had more in the toaster.” She grumbled and you laughed. 

“I need to keep my strength up. It is the first day of school after all.” 

“I know. And it’s gonna be great! I enjoyed every single day of high school until I moved.” 

“We live in very different times now mom.” 

“They’re not that different.” She argued. “Anyway, you need to leave now if you want to make it in time. And don’t forget you need to check in with the office to get the stuff you need!” She was practically pushing you out the door at this point. “I love you, be safe and I’ll make your favourite for dinner tonight.” She kissed your head and you hugged her. 

“Bye. I love you.” You replied.

“You’re gonna love it!” 

------------

Fifteen minutes. Fifteen minutes you’d been wandering around the same three corridors trying to find your class and all of them looked the damn same.

“Excuse me?” You tapped a red-headed boy on the shoulder. He stopped his conversation and turned around, looking at you confused. “Hi, I’m new. Can you tell me where Mrs Thompsons class is?” You asked and he smiled kindly at you.

“Oh, hi. Yeah, it’s down the corridor and to the left.” He told you and you thanked him. You started to walk towards the class when you heard someone shouting behind you. 

“Wait!” A boy called after you and you turned around quickly. “I have that class now, I’ll walk you.” 

“Oh, thanks.” You nodded and he smiled at you. It was as if everything you’d seen in movies was true. Time stopped, your heart-rate picked up, you could almost certainly hear wedding bells. All from a small smile. 

“Reggie Mantle.” He introduced himself. “And you must be an angel.” He winked and your cheeks reddened. 

“Y/n. Y/n y/l/n, and you must be how old?” 

“17. Why?” 

“Because that pick up line has been around since the middle ages.” 

“I make it work.” 

“You kinda do yeah.” You agreed and he smirked. 

“Sooooo. I heard you tell Archie you were new.” 

“Yep. I moved last week.” You nodded. 

“Where from?” 

“San Francisco.” You replied. 

“Thats so cool. I’ve always wanted to visit.” 

“Its great!” 

“Why’d you move?” 

“My mom. She got a job here. But she used to live here until she was about our age. She was really excited to come back.” You said and he smiled softly at you. 

“Thats sweet. What’s your moms name?” 

“You ask an awful lot of questions.” You commented. 

“When I meet a pretty girl I want to know everything I can about her.” He winked and you laughed loudly. 

“Wow. You’re really big on the pick up lines.” 

“Oh, this is just the beginning.” He replied before walking into class. You followed behind him, a soft smile on your face at the thought of talking to him again. “Are you just gonna stand there or are you going to sit down.” He nodded towards the empty seat beside him. 

“Sure?” You replied hesitantly and he pulled the chair out for you. “Thanks.” You smiled at him and sat down. 

“Anything for that smile.” 

“You’re quite the charmer, aren’t you.” 

“I try.” 

“I can tell.” 

“So, have you ever been here before?” He asked. 

“To Riverdale High?” You teased. 

“Yeah, no. I mean Riverdale in general.” 

“No. This is the first time my mom’s been back for like twenty years. She always wanted to come back but never had an excuse.” 

“I’m glad she found the excuse.” He said softly and you smiled at him.

“Me too.” You replied, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. 

“Mr Mantle. Please stop flirting with our newest student.” Mrs Thompson interrupted your conversation and both of you looked to the front of the class. 

“Yeah Mantle, keep it in your pants for more than five minutes of knowing a girl.” A boy shouted and Reggie started to blush. You kinda felt bad for him, but he did look cute. 

“He’s known me for ten minutes actually. Why don’t you mind your own business.” You retorted and they closed their mouth. You looked back at Reggie who was staring at you shocked, giving him a wink before looking at the front again. 

----------

“How was your first day?” Your mom practically jumped on you when she got home. 

“Good.” You said. “How was yours?” 

“Good!” She replied, a bright smile appearing on her face. “I went to school with a few people that work there so it was nice to catch up. You were talked about a lot.” 

“I should be the only thing you talk about.” 

“You are to be honest.” She agreed and you both laughed softly. “Now, I’m gonna go get started on dinner.” 

“Already taken care of. Its on the table.” 

“You are just the best daughter.” She squashed your cheeks and you rolled your eyes. 

“I know.” You replied. 

“Did you make any friends.” She asked once you’d sat down. 

“A few.” You nodded. “I met a boy called Reggie.” 

“Ooooooo. Reggie. He sounds nice.” She wiggled her eyebrows teasingly. 

“He’s my friend. I only met him today.” 

“Sooooo. It only takes a day.” She replied and you shook your head. “What was his last name? I might know his parents.”

“Mantle.” You replied and she choked on her drink. “Are you okay?” You rushed to her side.

“Fine.” She coughed. 

“Do you know his parents.” 

“You could say that yeah.” She replied and you looked at her curiously. 

“Spill.” You sat beside her and it was her turn to roll her eyes. 

“Lets just say, Mantle men are very easy to fall in love with.” 

“You were in love with a Mantle? Who? When?” 

“Marty Mantle.” She said and you looked at her confused. “Reggie’s dad. I’m assuming.” 

“Reggie’s dad! You dated Reggie’s dad.” 

“Yes, and don’t give me that look. We were in love.” She told you. “The day we met was my first day at Riverdale High. He was a year above me and I’d just started. I’d been walking around for fifteen minutes trying to find my class and then there he was was, talking to his friends, looking hot and whatever else the kids are describing people as these days.” 

“You’re so old.” 

“You’ll be this age one day.” She warned. “Anyway, he saw me looking lost and asked if I was okay and he smiled at me and I swear to God I imagined the wedding right there and then. I told him who I was looking for and he took me to the class and told me that I’d get the hang out it eventually. After that every time we saw each other he would smile or wave at me and then eventually he asked me out. We went to Pop’s, three dates later he asked me to be his girlfriend and we dated until I moved away a year and a half later.” 

“Thats so sad.” 

“Yeah.” She sighed. “I was heartbroken. So was he. When I told him I couldn’t stop crying and he said he would do anything to get me to stay. He even went to talk to my parents about me moving in with him so we could stay together, but it was no use. There mind was made up and we had no choice. He snuck into my bedroom window the night before I was supposed to leave and gave me a necklace to remember him by. It was a buttercup.” She sniffled a little bit, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

“Why a buttercup?” You asked while hugging her. 

“That was his nickname for me.” 

“Awwww.” 

“I haven’t worn it for years. To be honest I stopped wearing it when I met your dad. I thought it was a bit weird to wear something another man gave to me when I was dating someone else.” 

“Why don’t you start wearing it again? Dad left years ago, and your back in Riverdale. I think now is the best time to start wearing it again.” You suggested and she smiled softly at you. 

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Maybe.” She hugged you. “You’re the best daughter a mother could ask for.” 

“I know.” You replied with a bright smile making her laugh. 

--------

“Reggie!” You shouted down the corridor. “Reggie!” You shouted again after getting no response. This time he turned around and smiled at the sight of you. 

“Hey sunshine” He smiled brightly at you. 

“Sunshine?” You asked. 

“You’re wearing yellow. It reminded me of the sun.” 

“Oh.” You smiled, looking at the floor shyly. 

“So, whats up? Are you lost again?” 

“No. Not yet anyway.” You replied and he laughed softly. “I need to tell you something.” 

“Oooo. What?” 

“I was telling my mom about you last night...” 

“Awwwww. Thats so sweet.” He teased making you roll your eyes at him.

“Not like that.”

“Damn.” He sighed and you shoved him slightly. 

“I was telling my mom about you and she asked me your last name because she wanted to know if she knew your parents. So I told her and it turns out my mom and your dad dated, they were like in love and everything.” 

“Our parents are doing it? Thats gross, old people don’t have sex.” 

“No, dumbass. Our parents were doing it. When they were our age.” 

“Oh.” He thought for a moment. “Thats still gross...I bet your mom was hot though.” 

“Ewwwww.” 

“Why’d they break up?” He asked. 

“She had to move. Apparently he tried to convince her parents to let her live with him so they didn’t have to be apart. He bought her a necklace with a buttercup so she could always remember him.” 

“Why a buttercup.” 

“It was his nickname for her.” 

“Thats kinda cute.” 

“Its really cute.” You replied. “Look, I even found this picture of them at Pop’s. I assume that’s your dad.” You handed him a small picture and he smiled. 

“Yeah, thats my dad.” He nodded. “I was right though. Your mom was hot.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Well...this is gonna make the next part really awkward.”

“What next part?” You asked. 

“I was gonna ask you on a date at Pop’s.” He said nervously whilst playing with his fingers. 

“Yeah.” You agreed. 

“What?” 

“Well. They dated a long time ago, and its not like we’re related or anything.” 

“Its not that. I just thought you’d say no.” 

“That would make me the dumbass.” You teased. “Friday. I’ll meet you at Pop’s at 7.” You told him and turned around. 

“You don’t know where you’re going do you?”

“In general or Pop’s?” 

“Both?” He guessed.

“Yeah.” You nodded and you could hear him laugh. Every time he laughed it seemed to make you happier than the last. You would be happy listening to only that for the rest of your life, especially if you were the cause of it. 

“I’ll take you to your next class, and I’ll pick you up on Friday. Just text me your address.” 

-------

“Y/n!” Your mom shouted up the stairs. 

“Yeah?” 

“There’s someone at the door.” 

“That’ll be Reggie. Let him in and tell him I’ll be down soon.” 

“The Reggie Mantle.” She teased. “Are you going on a date?” 

“Maybe.” You replied. 

“Awwwwwww.” 

“Let him in please.” 

“Of course.” She replied. “Are you nervous?” 

“A little.” You admitted. You were more than a little if you were being honest. You were a lot nervous. The butterflies in your stomach had been there since you’d agreed to go on the date, only getting stronger as the week went on. And then every time you so much as looked in the general direction of him they got even stronger. You had definitely fallen for him and you’d only met him on Monday.  

You smoothed out your dress and checked your hair over one more time. You could hear voices downstairs and your mom laughing at something he’d said making you smile to yourself. 

“Hey sunshine.” Reggie greeted you once you met him downstairs. 

“Hey.” You replied and tried to fight off a blush. 

“Sunshine?” Your mom mouthed and you shook your head at her. “Its cute.” 

“What is?” Reggie asked. 

“Don’t.” You sighed. 

“That you called her sunshine.” 

“She was wearing yellow when I saw her on Tusday, it reminded me of the sun.” He explained and she practically squealed. 

“Thats exactly what your dad said. After he’d shown me to my class he said he liked the yellow t-shirt I was wearing, that it reminded him of buttercups.” 

“Does my dad know you’re back?” Reggie asked. 

“I dunno. I haven’t told him, so probably not.” 

“I’m sure he’d love to see you again. To catch up.” He suggested.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Maybe.” She was silent for a few seconds, like she was lost in her thoughts and you looked at her worried. 

“Mom?” You shook her softly. 

“Yes? Sorry! You kids have fun.” She walked you to the door. “Not too much fun though. I don’t want grandkids...yet.” 

“Mom!” You complained and she laughed. 

“Bye sweetheart.” She hugged you. “He’s a keeper.” 

“We haven’t even had our first date yet.” 

“Yeah, but when you know, you know.” 

-------

“So, there I was. Naked and running around the school.” He was in the middle of a very detailed story of how he accidentally streaked. 

“I can’t believe they stole your clothes.” You laughed. 

“To be fair, I did put hair removal cream in the shampoo. Half the team had bald spots for the big game on the Friday. The Vixens even managed to put it in one of their chants. It was really funny, somebody sent me a video.” He continued, by this point tears were streaming down your face. “Do you wanna see?” He asked and you nodded quickly. 

“Of course.” You replied. 

“Come here.” He patted the empty space beside him. You slid out your side of the booth and sat next to him, leaning into him slightly as he showed you the video. 

After you’d watched it and you’d laughed for about ten minutes, you started to get out of the booth. 

“You can stay...if you want.” He grabbed your hand softly and you looked at your intertwined fingers. 

“Yeah. That’s be nice.” You settled back into his side and stole a few of his fries. His arm went around your shoulders slowly, as if he was scared sudden movement would frighten you off. 

--------

“Thank you for walking me back home.” 

“No problem.” He replied as you stood on the porch. 

“I really enjoyed tonight.”

“Me too.” He replied. “This may be a bit too soon, but you saw what happened to our parents and I know we wouldn’t have been born if they didn’t break up. But life’s short and you’re hot. So will you be my girlfriend? And you don’t have to say yes if you don’t want t-” 

“Yes.” You agreed, surprising not only Reggie but yourself. However it felt right. You walked down a few of the steps, stopping on the step above his and leaned in to kiss him. He closed the gap and kissed you softly, taking your breath away. However cliche that was, thats what you felt, and right now, you didn’t really care. You had a feeling this is what it would feel like every time you kissed him. 

“Wow.” He said breathily. 

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Wow.” You added before kissing him again, this time it was a bit rougher, a bit more needy, but it was great either way. 

“See you around sunshine.” He kissed your cheek and you blushed hard. 

“See you.” You replied as calmly as you could. You watched him walk down the porch and onto the street before you went into the house. Your mom was waiting by the door and as soon as you walked through the door the two of you squealed. 

“That was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!” 

“Mom.” You rolled your eyes. “You’re just like me when I was young. Thats literally how mine and Marty’s date ended. I just hope your story ends happier than ours did.” She mumbled sadly. 

“Hopefully.” You forced a smile. “But if you hadn’t broke up you wouldn’t have me.” You tried to lighten her mood. 

“True.” She agreed and hugged you tightly. “Anyway, that was the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Are you going on another date?” 

“He’s my boyfriend actually.” 

“Wow, kids move fast these days.” 

“Its not like we slept together or anything.” You rolled your eyes. “Not that I wouldn’t be opposed.” You thought.

“I suppose I slept with Marty at the end of the first date. Backseat of his car behind Pop’s.” 

“And on that note, I’m going to bed.” 

------

“Has it really been five months?” Reggie asked in disbelief. You were hanging out at his house today. Your mom was busy working from home so you decided to hang out at Reggie’s to give her some peace. 

“To the date.” You replied. 

“Wow, five months ago your mom told you she’s slept with my dad in the back of his car.” 

“Don’t remind me.” You groaned. 

“What’s she doing here?” Reggie’s dad interrupted your conversation making you sit up properly on the couch. 

“Dad. It’s Y/n. I’ve told you about her.” Reggie stood up. 

“She can’t be here.” 

“Why not?” He asked. 

“Yeah, why the hell not.” You repeated his question, now also standing, an annoyed look on your face. 

“Because its my house and I said so. Now leave.” He replied sternly. You looked between him and your boyfriend, Reggie giving you an apologetic look while you gathered your things. 

“I’ll see you around Y/n.” He called after you. 

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.” 

-------

“Why are you back so early?” Your mom asked. She was sat at the dining-room table when you walked in sulking. 

“His dad kicked me out.” You replied, dumping your bag and coat at the bottom of the stairs. 

“Why?!” She asked, the work in front of her completely abandoned. 

“I dunno. He saw me and flipped. Started shouting and then told me to get out.” 

“Sweethear-” She started to walk towards you but you interrupted her. 

“I’m gonna go to bed. Night mom. Love you.” 

You’d been in bed for about half an hour. You’d text Reggie a few times asking if everything was okay but you were yet to receive a reply. You were about to just give up and have an early night when you heard something moving outside your window.

“Y/n.” Someone whisper shouted from outside. You cautiously made your way to the window and peeked through the curtains. 

“Reggie?” You asked, opening the window. “What are you doing here?” 

“I wanted to see you.”

“You could have come in through the door you know?” You said as you helped him climb through the window. 

“I didn’t know if your mom had gone crazy too or if it was just my dad.” He replied. 

“I thinks its just your dad.” You sat on your bed. “My mom seemed more annoyed at your dad.” 

“Good.” He sat beside you. “He said I couldn’t see you anymore.” 

“Why not!?” You asked offended. 

“Because of what your mom did. He said that it probably runs in the family and that if you’re mother did that to him, you’d probably it to me.” 

“Well thats bull. It wasn’t my mom’s fault they broke up. She was made to move.” 

“Thats what I said.” He replied. 

“What did he say?” 

“He did this.” He pointed to the bruise blossoming on his right eye. You ghosted your fingers over it and he flinched. 

“Your dad did that to you because of me?” 

“Yep.” He nodded. 

“I’m sorry.” 

“Its fine. Its not your fault.” He replied. “Plus its not the first time he’s done this.” 

“Reggie that’s awful.” You cupped his cheek. “Maybe my mom had a lucky escape. Sorry.” You apologized when you noticed the look on his face.

“Its fine. You’re probably right.” He said sadly. 

“If you ignore how you got it, it kinda looks hot.” 

“You think I look hot with a black eye?” He asked, an amused smirk replacing the sad smile. 

“Kinda yeah.” You nodded. 

“How hot?” He asked, kissing your neck. 

“Very.” You replied, leaning into his touch. He continued kissing up and down your neck, making you moan softly. 

“Do you want to?”

“Yes.” You nodded your head quickly. He wasted no time taking your pajama top and bottoms off. You helped him our of his jeans and shirt, leaving you both in your underwear. 

“You’re so pretty.” He mumbled, looking at you lying underneath him. “So, so pretty.” He continued, kissing your chest. “I’m the luckiest guy alive.” He took a nipple in his mouth, sucking and biting on it making your back arch. The hand that wasn’t keeping him up moved to your other boob and he squeezed it before playing with your nipple. Your moans spurred him on as he continued his assault on your chest. 

He pulled away quickly, pressing a quick kiss to your lips before moving down your body, stopping just before you panties. Slowly he slid your underwear off, throwing it behind his back before focusing his attention on your core. He trailed kissed up and down each thigh, before diving right in. With no warning his lips were on you, sucking and nibbling your clit. You moaned loudly and he looked up at you, a smirk taking over his face. 

“You have to be quiet.” He warned. 

“Okay.” You nodded breathlessly. His hands pinned your waist to the mattress as sucked and licked harder. “Reggie.” You moaned and he could have cum just from that alone. “I need you.” You practically begged. There was no way he was gonna argue with that. Within seconds his boxers were off and he was hovering over you, lining himself up with your entrance. 

“You ready baby?” He asked one more time. 

“Definitely.” You nodded quickly and he pushed himself inside you. Both of you moaned loudly, before looking at each other and laughing. 

“Shhhh.” You said at the same time. 

“Move.” You told him. 

“Gladly.” He winked and you rolled your eyes. His thrusts were hard and slow at first, both of you enjoying the feel of each other. Your legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him even closer to you and changing the position making you both moan even louder. Your nails scratched down his neck and he groaned, which was possibly the hottest thing you’d ever heard. 

“Faster.” You whined. The familiar feeling was getting stronger.

His thrusts got harder and faster as he chased his orgasm, a hand moved to your clit and he rubbed quickly. Your thighs shook and you saw stars as you came. A string of curse words, as well as his name left your mouth and he followed quickly after. Releasing himself inside of you. 

His movements stilled after you’d caught your breath and he lay beside you, placing an arm underneath your head and you cuddled into him. You lay like this for a while before he sat up suddenly. 

“I was supposed to give you this when you were at mine but well, you know.” He reached over the bed and grabbed his jacket, pulling a small box out the pocket. 

“You don’t have to buy me anything.” 

“I know. But I saw it and it reminded me of you.” He replied and handed you it. “Open it.” He told you and you smiled brightly at him before opening it. Inside was a small sun hanging on a delicate chain. 

“Reggie.” You started to tear up. 

“You don’t like it do you?” He panicked. “I can get another one. You can choose.” 

“No. I love it.” You shook your head. 

“Why are you crying then? Have I missed something?” He asked confused and pulled you into a hug. 

“Its so thoughtful. One of the most thoughtful presents anybody has ever given me, I love it. But are we gonna turn into our parents?” 

“No.” He shook his head. “That necklace is where history stops repeating itself.” 

[hxseok-honee]

💜😅👀 :)

okay it took me a while to find lines i loved but here we go! 

top three favorite lines : 

1. "youre best friends with people who love to love" - messy love , part 11

--> idk why but this is the first thing that popped into my head when i read the ask and it took me like 10 minutes to find the exact line. im not really sure why this line always stuck w me, but ive always liked it , especially for the au and the situation in which it’s said . it’s a cute one imo

2. “...he’s too busy recognizing himself in the reflection in her eyes - eyes overflowing with tears, eyes that have never looked at him like he was an enemy until this very moment.” - i found , part 29

--> i knew one of the lines was going to come from this chapter, just because i’d been working on this chapter since the start of the au and i think the moment when yoongi comes back from his legilimency chaos was really important to me when i was writing it. i tried to write it as close as i could see it in my mind, which was more like a movie and was already hard to translate to words. but i think i was really satisfied with this line

3. the photoset that reveal’s Unknown’s identity in Tag, You’re It , part 19

--> it took me a r e a l l y long time to decide how to reveal Unknown’s identity, and it took even longer to find a set of photos that i could feel happy with. i was kind of obsessed with making sure the transition of the photos was seamless, like the way a camera cuts to certain angles in suspenseful tv.  i remember it took me over 2 hours that day to create just that photoset, which is more time than ive spent on any single update ever, so im actually proud of that one, which is rare lmao

a line that made you feel secondhand embarrassment : 

honestly this isnt just one line, so im gonna break the rules a bit, but literally the entirety of Brighter Than Heaven, Darker Than Hell makes me cringe. i think i just was generally unhappy with the way i paced it, and i lost motivation for it toward the end, so i kind of suffer a little whenever i remember it exists LMAO but i think i really enjoyed writing the drabbles, mainly bc i fell in love with jungkook in that au lmao oops

favorite response to one of your works : 

please this has to be about Tag - i was t h r i v i n g off of the theories and the responses and the chaos on literally every single thing that was sent in during that time, especially when you guys would threaten to fight me and the entire cult/petition/society thing that  @joonsmind had goin on?? i think i was the most confused one out of all of us during Tag 

thank you so much for sending these in!! they were really fun uwu

[etudias]

(Edit: I am aware of the typo in the title, it should be experience)

Hi there, my name is Alessandra and I am going to tell y’all about how the whole college application process went for me. I think my experience ended a little differently than most, or at least most that people will share. It honestly took a lot for me to feel comfortable posting this so I really hope that it will help someone out there. It is however a very long post, so I am going to break it up into sections, feel free to read only what you need/want.

1. Researching Schools

I got excited for college. I was excited to go to college for as long as I can remember and was looking up different schools on site’s like the college board one, bigfuture, which by the way, I recommend, since probably 10th grade. So come Junior year I had a bunch of schools I was interested in. I ended up visiting a few in Boston over spring break that year. I visited Harvard, MIT, and Boston University (clearly my sights were set high). I did not really think it was that important to visit colleges, and that I should just visit the ones I got into to help decide (I now know that college visits can actually really help you get into a top school). The summer before senior year I worked hard to narrow down my list. I ended up with 12 schools that I applied to. This may seem like a lot to some, or not many at all to others. Most people I know applied to more like 5-8, but I know some people who applied to 20+, you gotta do what’s right for you. I wanted to apply to more honestly, but based on costs that is the number my mother and I agreed upon.

2. The Schools

Okay so in alphabetical order here are the schools I applied to:

Barnard College

Brown University

Carnegie Mellon University

Case Western Reserve University

Duke University

Georgia Institute of Technology

Harvard University

Massachusetts Institute of Technology 

Stanford

University of California - Berkeley

University of Georgia

University of Pennsylvania

So, some reasoning on my choices. I heard someone say something that I fully agreed with, and after everything still do. That you should apply to as many reach schools as you can because it raises the chances of getting into just one. So with that I applied to a bunch of reaches, a few meets, and 1 safety. The one safety school I decided on was because it was in state and in my state if you have a 3.75+ GPA and some other requirements, you get full tuition to in state schools and I knew that given the money, there was really no other school that I could consider a safety school that I would choose over it. I still stand by this choice.

3. My Stats 

You are probably going to ask this and I’ve decided to be upfront and tell you because why the heck not. I sent in ACT scores, not SAT (although I did take it). I got a 32 (33 English, 33 Reading, 35 Science, 28 Math), I should have spent more time studying for the math as that score never changed, but it was my 3rd time taking the test and I was over it, my goal had been a 33, but to me that was close enough because I was tired. My GPA was a 3.875 unweighted and a 4.063 weighted. My school did not offer many AP courses, I took all that I could with the exception of 2 history courses that I had strong reasons for not taking and when I had my Harvard interview and I talked with the lady about it, she wholeheartedly agreed and said that as the counselor of her private school she even made her school stop offering those courses, so yeah I feel pretty valid about that. (Ended up taking 7 AP’s if you are curious about which ones, they are on my about page) I basically got all A’s in my academics, my B’s came from some arts classes and health, I know, I know. I’m going to briefly mention my school in this section because it is sort of related. I went to a public arts high school that is ranked number 2 in the state for academics and 75th in the nation. It was extremely rigorous.

4. Extracurricular’s and other application stuff

I was very involved. I participated in theater for all 5 years (my school was 8-12). I did technical theater and by 10th grade was crew head for shows and in 11th grade I worked every show (which at my school was a lot). Senior year I became a stage manager which is a big responsibility and sort of like being a president of a club, but even more responsibility. I calculated the hours I spent with theater junior year alone, 300 hrs. I was also very involved in orchestra, all 5 years. My school has 4 orchestra levels, the first two comprising the lower orchestra, 3&4 comprising the higher level orchestra, based on skill level, not age. I was in orchestra 2 for 8th and 9th grade, orchestra 3 for 10th and 11th grade, and orchestra 4 for senior year, orchestra 4 was a big deal, with only 11 members and you played not only in the higher level orchestra but also the touring orchestra. Lots of hours. I also played in my county’s honor’s orchestra for 2 years. I was on the executive board (basically president) of my schools National Honor Society (our school only opens it to seniors, so I was only in it for 1 year). I was part of Beta Club for 4 years. I was a math tutor. I founded a Girls Who Code club at my school and taught it. I was in our award winning mock trial for 2 years. I was a member of my schools Gay Straight Alliance. I babysat all throughout high school. I did more than that but this is already long enough and you can tell that basically, I was a try hard.

   Let’s talk about summers. The summer after 10th grade I went to a 7 week long summer immersion program for coding called Girls Who Code. The summer after junior year I went to a week long orchestra camp, then my states Governor’s Honor’s program, which in my state is very prestigious and hard to get into (I think its like a 10% acceptance rate). I was a software engineering major and a math minor there. (Those are really the summers that count, but all other summers I went to orchestra camp)

   More application stuff, I had a fair amount of school awards as well as the aforementioned Governor’s Honor’s. I got recommendations from my pre calculus teacher, who I founded a Girls Who Code club with, and my world history/ap psych teacher. They both loved me and I’m sure wrote great recommendations (with the exception of UGA where I did not send any). All the schools I had interviews with went extremely well. I was a legacy for Duke. I had an alumni friend write an AMAZING letter of rec for CMU. I felt my essays were strong (and checked by 3 or so people).

   My major: I basically applied everywhere as a computer science major. I felt good about this with the way I spent my summers, some of my extracurricular, and classes I chose to take. I wrote a fair amount of essays about this and I feel as though my applications demonstrated the work I had put into bringing more people (especially women) into STEM, specifically cs, and my interests and knowledge of cs.

5. The Decisions

Finally the good part right? Well at least for you readers. I’ll go in order of the decisions (although towards the end I forget the order a bit because it was tech week and show weeks for my schools biggest production, I was busy) and add some commentary on some. (All regular decision unless otherwise noted)

MIT (Early Action) - rejected, it hurt a little being my first, but not unexpected

Case Western (Early Action) - deferred, then waitlisted, then rejected, everyone from my school got the exact same decisions from them and there were people from the bottom of my class to the very top lol

University of Georgia - accepted, oh boy I cried because finally thank goodness somewhere at least

Georgia Tech - waitlisted, then rejected, this one still stings, people with all around weaker applications from my school got in that applied early. the acceptance rate dropped from 40% to 8% between early and regular, biggest regret is not applying here early, once I was waitlisted here I felt for sure I wouldn’t get in anywhere else

Barnard College - waitlisted, still waiting to hear. at this point i just felt like I was getting waitlisted everywhere

Harvard - rejected, expected as are basically the rest of these

U Penn - rejected 

Brown - rejected

UC Berkeley - rejected

Duke - rejected, but damn that letter I’m still mad about, like the fact the I got rejected was unsurprising at that point, but they sent me 3 long paragraphs of rejection bc I was a legacy saying how sorry they were and how many times they reconsidered my application. One sentence would have been better.

Stanford - rejected

CMU - rejected, and man I knew it was coming but it was the last school I heard from, my last hope, and it was closing day for my last school musical, this was a bad day, not so much for this one school but just the process in general

6. Reflections

So I got into 1 school, yup just 1. My safety school that’s it. Let me tell you I was devastated, not over any particular school, but that I didn’t get into any others. I ate 4 donuts and cried a whole lot the day of that last rejection. I got really REALLY stuck on the fact that I would only ever read that one acceptance letter, that one congratulations. I moped around and was sad and upset with my self and full of regrets like why did I not apply to more schools, it was a bad time. But let me tell you that time really showed my what good some friends could be, friends really helped me through that. Even though I had only one school I waited till the last minute to commit. So yes, fall 2018 UGA here I come, go dawgs! (and really its not a bad school, especially the honors program) I worked really hard to get myself excited for this school and as much as I am, with the major I want to go into, I know it is in my best interests to transfer, no matter how much I do not like the idea of transferring (its a good school don’t get me wrong, just not the best for my major). I am still trying to come to terms with the idea of transferring and honestly this whole process in general. I do not think I would have done things much differently, I put my best into my applications, honestly if I changed anything I would have just applied to more schools and probably only more reaches or meet/reaches at that. I have come to accept the decisions (mostly, I still get quite down about it from time to time). It was an odd year for decisions at my school in general. We usually send a good amount of students to top top schools like ivies and the equivalent, but this year no one got into any, heck our valedictorian is going to UGA too. (I think it has something to do with our class being super strong overall, 50% had a 4.0+ weighted, so therefore none of us really stood out) So yeah it really freaking hurts only getting into one school, I’m pretty sure I went through all the stages of grief, but now I am in acceptance and just getting excited for college!! and I am SO EXCITED

   If anyone has any questions about this process, my inbox is open.

[christopherrpike-archive]

seb for the deputy ask thing? :D

i hope you know how long this took me FDGDFG but i had fun answering!!

under a cut bc this is long

Deputy Sebastian Chase Maxwell

The Basics

1. Give their full name, and describe them or post a picture! (Height, build, hair, eye, and skin color, etc.)

Sebastian Chase Maxwell, he stands at 6’4 with a fairly small build; on the lanky side but he does have some muscle on him. He’s pale with freckles lightly dotting his face and has bright, emerald eyes. He also has short, blonde hair that he keeps styled in place when he has the time to.

2. How old are they?

25, and he was born on May 23, 1993.

3. Sexuality and gender?

Bisexual with no strong preference, cis male.

Pre-Game

1. How did they end up at the Hope County Sheriff’s Department? How long have they worked there?

He was really looking for something to put some food on the table when he moved to Montana, and he’s been working there for a good year or two before the whole issue with Eden’s Gate.

2. Relationship with Pratt, Hudson, and Whitehorse?

He has a great amount of respect for Whitehorse, and it’s only intensified since he was brought to the county jail in the Henbane River. Like most of the other deputies, he looks up to the man like a father figure.

Out of everyone else, it’s Deputy Hudson he seems to be closest with. They look out for each other, and it appears that Hudson’s taught him mostly everything he knows. He may or may not have had any feelings for her.

He hadn’t known Deputy Pratt very well before the whole ordeal with Eden’s Gate, but he couldn’t help but feel terrible for what happened to him with Jacob. Now, he’s looking to get to know Staci better.

3. Do they have an education?

Yes, college graduate with a bachelor’s degree in business.

4. Where are they from? Did they speak a different language there?

Nope. He was born in Fairmont, West Virginia.

5. Is there anyone outside the valley that might have come looking for them?

His family; parents and sibling, and of course there’s his ex-wife and child.

6. Did they have a religious background of any kind?

He was raised Christian, but he never really stuck to it. After the whole deal with the cult, he definitely won’t be going to church any time soon.

Inside Hope County

1. What was going through their head when the helicopter went down and during the subsequent chase?

“I have to get out of here and find help”; basically, fear. Hope County was practically uncharted territory and seeing how angry the cultists were when they tried arresting Joseph, going up against them singlehandedly without any firepower wasn’t an option. So the initial plan had been to get out without getting spotted somehow, then find help anywhere.

2. Were they afraid of Joseph and Eden’s Gate? Angry?

Mostly afraid, but above all, cautious. Dealing with a cult wasn’t exactly in the job description when he first signed up for the team and there definitely wasn’t protocol for arresting a cult leader. Over time, however, that fear lessened, instead growing into anger.

3. Did they trust Dutch?

Seeing as he woke up handcuffed, no. But the longer he spent with Dutch (that and he really had no other choice and the man seemed to genuinely be helping him), he grew to trust him over time.

4. How did they feel about their team being taken by the cult, did they count them as lost, did they want them back, did they not care?

To Sebastian, no teammate is lost unless it was absolutely certain. He wanted them all back, and if it meant hitting the cult back hard was the way to do it, then so be it.

5. How did they take to the idea of being part of, if not leading, the resistance?

He was all for it! It’s not exactly what he expected, but he does have that sense of leadership in him, and he’d like to think he sparks some hope in the residents of Hope County. His occupation? Aspiring beam of light.

6. Which companions did they recruit, and who did they travel with the most?

He recruited just about everyone, but he travels with Sharky and Nick the most. With the three of them, taking down the cult seemed about as fun as a regular guy’s night out.

7. Did they have time to find romance amidst the chaos? How did they do it?

Not exactly, but he’d be lying if he said he didn’t find John and Faith to be at least a little attractive.

8. Feelings about Joseph?

To him, Joseph was a dangerous man. Whether or not he was right about his prophecies, doesn’t change the fact that he has misguided beliefs and what he’s doing is hurting hundreds of people.

9. Feelings about the other Seeds?

He has mixed feelings about John; he was dangerous, maybe a bit off-kilter, but also very, very, frustratingly handsome. Taking him down was the top priority, but there have been a few occasions where he was tempted to take up Addie’s idea of sleeping with him. You know, for the good of Hope County.

Out of all the Seeds, he thinks it’s Faith he likes (or pities) most. This is especially so at their final confrontation. Whether or not what she says about Joseph was just to get him to feel sorry for her so she could get the upper hand, he still wishes he could do something to help her.

Just when he thinks he isn’t afraid of the Seeds or their fanatical cult, Jacob comes in just to convince him otherwise. Out of all the siblings, Jacob just might be the most dangerous one, maybe even more so than Joseph. Sure, he didn’t have a silver tongue like his brother did, but what he had in compensation was ruthless power, and he had his own means of manipulating prisoners. Sebastian’s experience in Whitetail Mountains was easily the worst one.

10. How did they handle having to kill animals and other humans? Had they done it before?

Killing animals was easier for him to do, seeing as it’s a common sight in slaughterhouses and the like. That, and most wildlife in Hope County have their teeth bared and ready to pounce should he hesitate with an arrow. People, on the other hand, were a bit more complicated. After all, he knew the peggies were just heavily brainwashed people, made to think that what they’re doing is for the better. But it’s kill or be killed in Hope County, and these cultists weren’t about to back down.

11. Which canon ending did they choose in-game, and would you have changed the ending at all?

I haven’t actually finished the game so I’ll just skip this question but I definitely would have changed the ending. No bombs, and a chance to arrest the Seeds instead of just killing them.

Personal

1. Favorite weapon(s)?

The compound bow and a suppressed AR-CL.

2. Stealth or firepower?

Stealth if he can help it, but subtlety isn’t exactly his forte so he ends up charging in guns blazing most of the time.

3. How did they spend their time, when not fighting peggies?

Hunting and helping out the residents of Hope County with other, minor things.

4. Where did they live during the events of the game?

Fall’s End, it’s his second home at this point.

5. Any other facts you want to share about your Deputy!

I’m bad at these but here’s a few from the top of my head:

He has a 6 year old son and his name is Austin Sebastian Maxwell, currently in Montana with his ex-wife, Brooke Townsend. (Far enough away from Hope County but you can see why I’m pushing for at least a no bombs AU)

He has a twin sister named Pippa Maxwell and she acts almost the exact same way he does, although I’d say she’s the feistier one between them. Sebastian’s the older twin by a few minutes.

He has a gunshot wound on his temple from an unlucky encounter with the peggies. He wasn’t shot through the temple mind you, but he was shot point blank, the bullet was deflected by his skull and went out through the back. Incredible luck, but he was out of commission for a good long while.

[v-le]

Kmusic: My artists in 4 months

Foreword: PHEW this one took a while.... but I have really had so much on my mind lately that i knew i just HAD to churn this one out asap... I also would’ve tried to include videos rather than images but it’s a pain in the butt... I guess my vids will be top secret for now hehe. But really. a true blessing, these 4 months. Ah, I still really cant believe it..

--

If you were to ask me how I felt about my first semester at Yonsei and simply the past 4 months in Korea, from August 21st to December 23rd, I would probably just emphasize how grateful I am. But to narrow down this deep affection for all the happenings, I would have to do so in a music context. It is such a fascinating and seemingly mundane thing to go on about: Why does my music mean what it means to me to this day? How have those values shaped my experiences in Korea so far? What does it mean for me going forward? These are questions I want to ask myself, reflect upon, and continue to explore as I await to begin another journey in Korea once again.

If I rewind to when I first started listening to Korean music, it would be when I was… I don’t even know. I was exposed to it since I was about 7 or 8 years old, when my sister was sucked into the very beginnings of OG K-pop: Wonder Girls, Big Bang, 2NE1, Super Junior, SNSD, SHINee, you name ‘em all. I’ve talked about this a lot, but during those days I was never particularly interested in that side of music. It didn’t make much sense to me and it just sounded mreh. But after several years of this exposure, I fell into my own K-pop obsession-hole starting with LEDApple, a very unassuming, catchy-music-making band. I was in it for the music. At first.

Okay, now fast forward past my kpop era: you can read all about it in my very extensive post from about a year ago here. But yes, lets leave that chunk of my life behind and think about where I stand from a “music maturation” perspective. Right here. Right now.

I cannot pinpoint the exact moment or day or time in which I fell into the “deeper” side of Korean music. I am pretty certain that it simply occurred naturally, gradually. What I know for a fact is that I owe so much of myself to my music. At any given point in my life thus far, my music has defined a large portion of my identity: it really does mean a lot to me. I am constantly listening to music. To narrow this down into my current self’s context, my music mostly consists of Roy Kim, Sam Kim, DAY6, Kim Feel, Fromm, Jung Sewoon, Eddy Kim, Kwon Jin Ah, and many many many others.

These artists, the music that they make, is not K-pop. It never will be. I don’t care what those stupid Spotify playlists call some of the songs from these musicians, but they are not and never will be K-pop. (At most DAY6 could come closest to fitting). My discovery of each and every one of these artists varies from person to person of course, but most of my sentiments remain the same all throughout. I would give my everything for these people. But I want to make it very very very clear: it is not necessarily these PEOPLE, these faces, these appearances, these artists themselves that I am oh-so enthusiastic about. It is their voice & music. That is honestly all it really comes down to at the end of day. It is and has always been about the music.

I owe my deep appreciation for my music to several various factors ranging from emotionally & mentally detached parents & family, my somewhat introverted personality, and my incessantly over-analytical mindset. However, what exactly constitutes this deep appreciation is what I want to explore. A certain fact is that I hated high school. As I grew up through the ages of 13 to 17, I completely despised the American public education system that was high school. Without getting into the complex details about my community that was the heart of Silicon Valley and the various cultural pushes, I just have to say that high school felt like a sort of mental torture for me.

And during all those times, when I needed it the most, when I felt so completely lost, when I felt like no one would listen to me, nothing could console my distressed heart and mind, I always fell back to many of those artists listed above. Particularly to Roy and Sam. I owe them SO MUCH. They literally changed my life.

Home. 영원한 건 없지만. Your Song. These three songs, my life songs. Their lyrics literally saved my life. They mean everything to me. Without these songs from Roy & Sam, I would not be where I am today.

All my artists that I mentioned make their own music. They write, compose, produce, everything. They are the true masters of their voices (see, not K-pop). And so, when I listen to them, when I absorb their voices & melodies, I can sometimes really feel their sincerity, their yearning. I am so thankful for what they have produced for this world and for my ears to hear. However, within the past 4 months, I got to see, know, understand, and FEEL these artists on a whole new level.

In chronological order, here is a list of the artists I saw live &/or in person during my time in Korea thus far:

08/31 Roy Kim & Son Seungyeon @ Picnic Concert

09/01 Monogram, Baek Yerin, Kwak Jineon, Paul Kim, Bol4, Crush, Urban Zakapa @ Someday Festival (Day 1)

09/02 Fromm, Jo Hyunah, Jung Sewoon, Roy Kim, Yong Junhyung & Yang Yoseob, K. Will @ Someday Festival (Day 2)

09/08 DAY6 @ You Made My Day Fanmeeting

09/20 Roy Kim @ SNU Fall Festival

11/02 Roy Kim & Kim Haon @ Daellim Univ. Halloween Festival

11/04 Nam Woohyun (& Jang Dongwoo, Kim Sunggyu, Lee Sungyeol) @ 식목일 (Day 3)

11/10 Fromm @ Seoul Music Forum Mini Concert & Free Fansigning

11/11 Eddy Kim @ Miles Apart Album Fansigning

11/22 Sam Kim @ "Sun And Moon" 1st Album Release Showcase

12/01 Sam Kim @ "Sun And Moon" 1st Album Fansigning

12/09 Fromm @ "Midnight Candy" Mini Album Release Concert

12/16 Roy Kim @ ROchestra Live Tour 2018 (Seoul Day 2)

12/21 Sam Kim @ Lotte Tower World Park Christmas Busking

12/22 DAY6 @ "The Present" Christmas Special Concert (Day 1)

Breakdown:

Free: 5 events

Paid Tix: 6 events

Album Purchase & Application: 4 events

🌹 Roy Kim: 5 times

🌚 Sam Kim: 3 times

🌓 Fromm: 3 times

🎸 DAY6: 2 times

As an avid fan of many of these artists for YEARS, like Infinite for 8 years, Roy for 5, Sam since his debut in Apr. 2016, DAY6 since their debut in Sept. 2015, Fromm for over 4 years, Eddy for over 5 years, etc etc. I NEVER thought I would actually get to see or hear these people live. Okay, granted I saw DAY6 live back in Oct. 2017 as well as Sam & the entire Antenna fam in Sept. 2017, both in LA. But doing 3 fansignings????? Meeting and talking with Fromm, Eddy Kim, AND Sam Kim???? Seeing Roy FIVE TIMES??????????? Three times for FREE, once at a festival, and then even being able to go his end-of-the-year solo concert???????? Y’all…. It was literally a dream come true. A stroke of luck tenfold. Twelvefold. I saw at least one treasured artist a total of fifteen times. Whether it was at a college busking event, the Someday music festival, a fansigning, a fanmeeting, or even a solo concert. I was somehow there.

Seeing Roy live was something I thought I would never ever ever in my lifetime get to do. As I explained in my 1st semester wrap-up post found here, Roy’s situation with school made my hopes seem very bleak from the get-go. But still, my luck persisted 5 times throughout. I almost, nearly, COMPLETELY failed to acquire a ticket for his ROchestra solo concert, Seoul Day 2 show. It was probably the most energy-draining, stressful, painful and TERRIBLE ticketing experience I have ever experienced. And trust me, I’ve done lots of ticketing before (unfortunately). But after 1 hour of staying glued to that PC bang computer screen, I managed. And I went. And maybe I’ll have to do a separate post for it, but Roy Kim’s concert on December 16th, 2018, was the best concert I have ever been to in my life. Easily. It was so breath-taking.

But yes, enough with Roy. Fromm is my ultimate indie goddess and she has a charm that is so indescribably perfect. She decided to release a mini album over a year since her last one, in the middle of November while I was there and I wanted to DIE. It was suchhhhh a solid release, and I even got to attend a free fansigning with her as well for her solo concert for the album release. I LOVE her cheeky personality so much. And she really is just sooooo kind. I couldn’t have much of a conversation with her due to the time constraint, but I at least got to snap a quick selfie heh (which i wont exposed bc privacy ya feel??). Her solo concert was gorgeous in every single way; I honestly would be willing to pay any price to go to it again in a heartbeat. Even though it was for her “Midnight Candy” album release, it was basically a Fromm discography concert because she sang EVERYTHING and I was THIS close to wanting to cry because I just felt so grateful & happy in those moments. I love her I really do. Ah, also, 2 out of the 3 times I saw her, I wrote to her & posted on Instagram and she liked both posts for me :”).

Sam…. My luck with Sam was out of this world honestly…. I still get goosebumps thinking about how blessed I was to see Sam 3 times, 2 times in very special instances. First off. He announced the release of his FIRST FULL album after a TWO YEAR & A HALF HIATUS. Y’all. This boy hadn’t released anything for 2.5 entire years since his debut and then suddenly WHAM he does it. Somehow right when I was in Korea. AH… I still….. I’m still screaming inside. I screamed aloud in my room for a good 5 minutes straight when I first saw the news, and yes, to this day I am still screaming. His three pre-release tracks were GORGEOUS & Sun And Moon, track 1, literally brought me to tears without even trying. I had been missing his voice and presence for so long…

And then, for the full album release, Antenna announced a post in which if you pre-order his album when it comes out & email the Antenna staff with the receipt showing proof, you will be put in a drawing to attend his live showcase on the night of its release. OHMYGOSH. I knew I had to do it. I struggled a little bit & even felt like I was doing everything so untimely, but I am SO blessed that I really was able to order & pay for it, shoot Antenna an email real quick, and then nervously await my results for like a week. That one Friday the results were to be emailed out, I remembering feeling extremely anxious all throughout the day. I desperately wanted to go…. And at 6:00PM…. I got the email!!!!! I was literally shaking, hands & knees trembling and everything. I actually got invited to the ‘Sun And Moon’ 1st Album Showcase!!! Y’all!!! It was so amazing. It was the night before I had to leave to Taiwan early in the morning so it was quite stressful, but still!!!!! I felt so honored to be there that night: the venue was extremely intimate and Sam was soooososoooo gooooddd and the tracks he sang were sooo beautiful and just… everything about it was like a dream. I was truly blessed.

A week later…. Antenna announced Sam’s first FANSIGNING & once again I was overwhelmed with this “OMG I WANT TO GO, but how, should I really, but what about….??”. It was a physical album-purchase-based application process which means I had to go to this specific bookstore in Gangnam, buy x-amount of albums, and based on that amount, my name will be put into a drawing that many times. Very basic fansigning grounds. I already pre-ordered his album for the showcase, so I honestly didn’t really need another one… but I decided to test my luck & just purchase 1 measly album & see if that ONE album will help me get chosen. And o boy. I GOT IN :”)). When I saw my name on that list in the official fancafe post, I couldn’t believe it….

On the day of the fansigning which was happening inside a mall, starting at a certain time I was able to walk in and choose a random number from 1-100 and since I arrived early, I got to choose pretty early as well. When I saw my number I literally gasped aloud: #7. I know it’s a corny & cliché favorite number but only bc infinite ok. Being #7 meant that I literally say FRONT & CENTER of the stage…not even stage. There wasn’t a stage... it was just an open area. My turn came around very quickly because I was early and let’s just say I was a fking mess, repeating thank you over and over & literally, incessantly telling him how thankful I am for his music and how grateful that after all that time he took to came back, he came right when I was in Korea and how I was at Antenna in LA & his showcase too and thank you thank you, yadda yadda. Yeah…..I suck at these things I really do. Then, at the end of it all, he took a picture with the crowd of fans and ended up sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME LMAOOOOOOO. Okay here is a picture of maybe my biggest life accomplishment??? jk but no rly LOL.

look ma, i made it :”)

But really, the fact that I actually got to talk to Sam & just try to relay all my thanks that I have been owing to him for many years… wow… I’m still in shock and I am just so eternally thankful. I used to think to myself “damn, I wish I could talk to Sam one day” and damn…. I really did do it…

Eddy Kim was also another meeting that I could have only dreamed of before coming to Korea… His last release was 4 goddamn years ago oh my gosh… This fansign application was not a random drawing like Sam’s but just a “buy his album at this bookstore & u get in” sort of thing. To be honest I could blatantly tell that Eddy’s popularity is definitely not as comparable to the other artists that I cherish & I was quite shocked by this revelation. I knew for sure in America, who the hell would ever know him. But even in Korea, he seemed… just really not that well-known, especially from a music perspective. It was interesting and even a little disheartening to see. He was very kind & cutely impressed with my Korean skills and we literally just talked in a bunch of Konglish & once again I just kept repeating how thankful I was for his music in my life. How I waited for so long and his release literally matched up with my time there as well. Even though I never got to hear Eddy sing live, I am more than happy with the fact that I simply got to chat with him & relay my heart as best as possible.

After doing 3 full fansignings I have fully realized that as grateful for the opportunities I am, they are so difficult and stressful… To be given such a short amount of time to spill out my heart is essentially impossible for me LOL. I’d rather much LOVE to just to sit down with these artists not to fangirl or cry, but to have a real, genuine conversation about their music and why it holds so much sentiment for me. I would love to ask questions about their music and I would love to share with them how much it means me & why I am so thankful at the end of the day. That’s what I really wish I could do. Because even as I hurriedly expressed my countless thanks and probably sounded like a hot mess, I feel like I still just came off as a surface-level fan saying their thanks. But noo! In reality, I just wanted to relay how much their music means to me (I literally just typed this wow repetition is gr8). Which I feel like I really couldn’t do properly… I couldn’t get my heart across all the way ☹ but it’s okay because as I’ve been repeating, I am infinitely thankful nonetheless.

My first DAY6 event, their 3rd year anniversary 1st fanmeeting, was a bit of a flop for me simply because they talked wayyyyy to much & played stupid games & everything… and it was cute, but not what I was there for. I kinda wished I heard more of them singing, but it’s okay. In no way am I undermining this monumental day because I know it meant a lot to the boys & fans collectively. Jae could not participate due to health reasons & it definitely put a huge damper on the entire atmosphere, but the members tried their best and the entire audience even consistently sang aloud all of Jae’s parts during the songs when his voice was not there. They also sang a never-before-released track with Jae and they all just cried a bunch and me, sitting there, watching those light-wrist-band-thingies glow & beam & shine in-sync with the music, all sorts of colors, in a massive wave of lights & fanchants & music sewn together… wow it was honestly stunning & one of the most awesome spectacles I’ve ever experienced. Korean fans are really something else….

Speaking of which, attending 15 events during my 4 months there taught me many things about Korean concerts & fans that I find so extremely fascinating.

For most concerts, whether they are super hype-y & K-pop-y or a ballad one with minimal need for movement, when there are seats, fans with stay seated for the most part. In America, I feel like all fans tend to automatically stand (for basically all K-pop acts) regardless of the seating. But in Korea, at my experiences with DAY6 in particular (I also have heard that BTS in Seoul was the same), fans stayed sitting basically all throughout. The most like bodily movements they require would be the waving of their lightsticks. It was honestly pretty refreshing to see a generally calm & collected audience, at least where there was seating.

The fanchants are out of this world !!!!! Especially for the 2 times I saw DAY6, the fans were so on point with their fanchants: they were loud and clear and crisp AND THEY MATCHED WITH THE LIGHTS ON THEIR WRISTBANDS AND EVERYTHING wow was that so cool to see… The fans are super in unison & it honestly adds such a new level of energy to the experience.

SINGING !! Of course, since all these fans are Korean, they can actually sing all of these songs at concerts, unparalleled to international fans lol. One really cool moment at DAY6 that I will probably remember forever simply because this song is gorgeous & means a lot to me… but at day 1 of DAY6’s ‘The Present’ xmas concert series, Wonpil said “We’ve been on world tour for a while now and I’ve been wanting to try this out… if I play this song, can you sing for me?” and of course we all unconditionally said yes. And he started to play 그렇더라고요 on the keyboard & the ENTIRE AUDIENCE caught on immediately & we all sang the entire intro & first verse together in unison, as loud as we could, as the members joined in one by one w/ their own instruments, just watching us as we SANG FOR THEM. It was so cute & we even did it again with 장난 아닌데. This sort of stuff…. Wow…. Can only really happen at a domestic concert, which was honestly so so so beautiful. I LOVED IT!!!

No crazy, constant screaming during every part of the performance. Fans in Korea honestly only scream when necessary… ya feel? Sometimes at concerts, I feel like fans are just screaming at the top of the lungs the entire time, during every second of a song. But Korean fans chant when there is a chant, and cheer & scream when it really fits the situation. I really liked this more toned-down atmosphere from the Korean audiences.

I think that’s all I can really narrow down from my various experiences at Korean concerts compared to the ones in America… It really is quite different though, and I feel so honored to have witnessed this comparison countless times. I am really just honored to be there at those moments in general.

Which brings back around to this… upgraded level of connection towards my artists. After seeing so many of them in person and more than once for that matter, when listening to their music now… something definitely sounds different. When I listened to these artists before I saw them right in front of my eyes, their real, authentic voices blasting into my ears, I still felt moved, I still felt goosebumps, choked up, a bulging affection sometimes. And not that I have lost those feelings, no, definitely not. Now… now, when I listen to these artists through my earbuds or through my laptop… I can literally hear them in my ear. Does that even make sense? Well, duh… of course I can hear them. But like… it’s like… I can hear them on a much more intimate level than ever before. Now, I can really imagine & sense these voices in my head. I can pick up the sound of their breaths, picture their expressions, and really just HEAR their voices as if they were physically singing into my ear right there in that moment, in person. It’s such a peculiar and special and unique feeling that is honestly so hard to describe with just words…

But to be honest like… to this day I still cannot wrap my head around everything. I can barely count and keep track of all the artists I saw and when I saw them and what they sang. I feel like SO MUCH happened that my mind can barely grasp it all, as much as it wants to do so so badly… I still can barely comprehend it… years ago I would cry to Sam Kim, ponder how amazing he would be live… and then literally somehow, he sang two songs like 7 feet in front of me, and even sat right next to me. I thought Fromm was a goddess from another world: but I somehow got to talk to her & even take a selfie?? What?? I thought the world would never let me see Roy who always has his school life to manage as well…. But I got to see him live 5 times?? And even go to his solo concert?? WHAT??????? HOW????????? YOU GUYS, I could honestly go on and on and on because it still all feels like a dream…

In particular with Roy Kim… I say this to myself all the time, the irony is just… wow. Who would’ve known that after years of watching countless fancams, effortlessly memorizing his scarce yet existent fanchants, also memorizing set-lists without even trying, becoming all-too-familiar with things like the way he talks, addresses the crowd, sings specific songs, even all the way down to the way he does adlibs for certain songs… I unknowingly picked up & knew these performance aspects SO WELL through pure admiration, enthusiasm and just LOVE for every song he sings. And who would’ve known, that years later, I would have my very own fancams to cry over. After years of literally watching almost EVERY fancam of him on youtube, at all the various events he performed at, some years more frequently than others, today I can proudly say that I have my very own fancams of him, too. Ohmygosh, it’s still so hard for me to believe…

It really just….. *breathes deeply & tries to recollect self for the 24980164th time*…. It just goes to show… No, okay I don’t really know what it goes to show… But one thing is a fact: loving, cherishing, being thankful for, dedicating so much of my emotional & mental strength towards these seemingly-no-one artists has paid off tenfold. No, billionfold. I don’t even know. I just…. I just never thought I could do and see and hear and experience the things that I did. Never. These people…. These people have given me so much, and although I tucked them deep into the folds of my heart for years, I never thought I could truly open up these treasured feelings one day & TRULY support them with my very own eyes & ears & heart. IN person. I am just so so so blessed. So thankful. Really. Always.

Now, it’s time to bring myself to reality & to think about what this means for me going forward. I don’t want to believe in my passion for my music as a phase: Infinite & all things K-pop wasn’t simply a phase for me. It literally was a maturation, a self-realization, a loss of support for the things I never really knew or understood until time started to pass. I don’t think I grew out of K-pop. I think I simply grew with K-pop & got to understand more about it. And with that understanding came a change of heart. Which is literally the title of my post from years ago: “why I fell out of love with K-pop”. It’s not just “Oh, I am older now. So, I don’t want to like this seemingly childish stuff”. No, it was never about K-pop’s image or whatever. I can’t emphasize more, but it always comes down to the music for me.

Infinite has been and is a piece of my life that I will never forget. A piece of my life that has literally brought me to where I am today. I sit here, with my experiences and knowledge and feelings, in part, due to Infinite. I can guarantee anyone that much. And so, no, they really weren’t just a phase. Things change, people grow older, time flows. That’s just how it works. Does my heart ache over old K-pop like every day? Hell yeah it does LOL. But there’s nothing I can do about it. I can only thank old & 2nd-gen K-pop for the amazing memories that it has given me.

And so, with my music and my artists today, is this all a phase? Will I stop being as enthusiastic years later, like I did with Infinite? You see, with Infinite, I was always apprehensive. At the age of 12, I KNEW that time would eventually take its toll & my blatant love would not necessarily transcend the years that will drag on in the future. But that never made my appreciation for them dim: it only grew stronger as the days went by. I think I am always apprehensive. I think I always fear losing the feelings that I feel with great passion & love at this moment in time. Just as Roy says, 영원한 건 없지만. Nothing lasts forever (but...). I literally think about this all the time. It is such an important concept to me, and it is how I motivate myself to be thankful for everything and everyone and to just take things one step at a time. And so, to really answer my question: is this all just a phase?

I really, honestly, hope… No, I just think not. I really do not think so. At the age of say, 24, five years from now, will I still be loving Roy & Sam & DAY6 & Fromm & everyone else? I really honestly hope so. For as long as they can make music, I can keep loving them, right? Just as Infinite has done since I was 11, 8 years ago, up until today, I firmly believe that my artists can continue this long-lasting impression on my life. They instill a sort of magic & sentiment in my life that almost nothing else in this world can do for me. And for that, I will stay grateful for & only hope for the best.

Roy is currently back in school right now, finishing up his last semester before he finally gets to graduate! I am excited and proud and a bit sad all at the same time. But honestly, it really just comes down to the humanness of these people. When I first saw Infinite back in 2013 as a lil 14 year-old, I guess you could say I was starstruck. I was like “that’s them??!?? Those dudes ive spent countless hours watching through the computer screen?????? THEY ARE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF ME?”. I had similar thoughts at the LA K-pop Festival in Apr. 2014 when I saw many many many of the big, og k-pop groups at that time. It was hard to believe that these people are real. I would say that my experience with the “With Antenna” in LA concert back in Sept. 2017 made me come to this important realization. That was the first concert where I actually spent the entire time sitting down and just listening. Listening to these wonderful musicians playing their instruments & singing gorgeous songs & just absorbing all that godly magic in the air at that place in time.

I really got to feel how human artists are at the end of the day. K-pop is always built up to be this larger-than-life dynamic, but real artists… No, they’re so much more different. They are simply people, like you and me, with a passion for their music & they wish to share that passion with the rest of the world. That’s it. The sincerity & genuineness that goes into my artists’ music can literally be felt from all the way across the world, just through a few audio snippets, fancams, and grainy Instagram videos. And that is seriously so beautiful. They are so amazing at what they do, they truly are.

Roy’s last two songs from 2018 were purely love song ballads, and I am not complaining or anything. As solid and classic as these tracks were, I still miss that acoustic, healing tone from him. Before he left for school again, he mentioned several times that he wants to come back with music that will console listeners. I was honestly so genuinely happy to hear this. He knows, he honestly, really does. He has even said it before, but he knows that his music can literally lift people back up from the dead. He wants to do that for them. For you and me, who struggle in life when the going gets rough, he wants to be of some sort of help, no matter how minuscule. He knows, he really does. And that is just so beautiful. I am so proud of him & I can’t wait to see what he will have in store for us in the coming months (after his grad, that is).

To all my artists that made these 4 months feel like a literal dream: Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Sincerely. Thank you. Always.

늘 고마워요.

[comebacknow]

regarding tdc, some things i’d like to remind everyone about:

EDIT: this was supposed to be like 6 bullet points and then i ended up describing basically every little detail of the movie, so there’s that.

1. that elaborate opening plan that brought everyone back - Frypan hopping out of hiding, harriette pointing a gun at the berg pilot’s head, etc. they all did that!

2. “How’s it looking, Newt?” “Don’t rush me.” SNARKY!NEWT !!!! I refuse to let this little line go unnoticed and under the radar. i want everyone to remember it.

3. vince just being an overall badass and risking his life for all these kids!! that jump onto the train car! hell yes!

4. the newtmas hug on top of the train car you all saw it

5. ARIS’ FACE?? He fought back so hard! And even though they’re not a big part of the main story, aris harriett and sonya reuniting was so sweet! i want more stories about them

6. Thomas’ utter distraught at realizing minho isn’t on the train and having to break the news to newt but barely being able to say the words

7. vince’s rallying speech about fighting back

8. thomas sneaking off because he doesn’t want to risk any more lives, but newt and frypan Just Knowing it’s exactly something he would do, so they’re already waiting for him (in the dark and everything. dramatic fools.) and thomas’ complete love for them when he sees fry in the car too (bc lets be honest obvi newt would go with him but him seeing frypan following him into danger was probably so endearing)

9. frypan driving! stuck in the glade for 3 years and our boy knows how to drive a jeep good for him man

10. the return of more snarky!newt “not to be negative, but if i was a crank that’s exactly where i’d go.” a nice reminder of “people. in the mountains. mountain people. that’s your plan.” from tst! (and of course the “alright i got shotgun” and the look between thomas and fry like okay we’re doing this

11. frypan flooring the truck and getting rid of that crank! (and also totaling the jeep but hey man)

12. the fact that frypan’s door wouldn’t open and he kept punching the life out of it until thomas was like “dude go AROUND.”

13. newt just falling out of the door like a mess

14. fry shooting the cranks the whole time they’re running! he’s such a fighter in this movie! i’m glad we got action!fry

15. BRENDA IN THE JEEP WITH THE GUN. BRENDA. 

16. “i think what he means to say is thank you.” - frypan translating thomas’ worry for everyone else

17. newt finding the walls when they look at the last city and jorge’s offhand comment about “they built walls, that seems to be Wicked’s answer for everything” i mean LMAO another great line that better not get overlooked. i mean, come on lol

18. i forgot what exactly frypan said at this moment in response to newt but they had an exchange that i laughed about for like 10 minutes. when i rewatch i’ll fill it in better.

19. the whole Wall scene was honestly magnificent and jorge’s annoyed “GET OUT OF MY WAY” to the crowds as he and thomas make their way to the front? a+

20. newt noticing the “armed guards” and immediately running up to thomas and saying they had to leave now. (which, btw how did i NOT realize that was gally even with the mask on.)

21. everyone getting captured and the contrast of thomas and brenda sitting quietly while jorge literally kicks a guard out of the truck. can you imagine how that ride was going down with them?? lmao and brenda telling him she was there and just the overall love and care jorge has for brenda!

22. gally’s return obvi. “we watched you die.” “you left me to die.” YIKES.

23. newt being able to calm thomas down (WHAT A CONTRAST TO NEWT’S TEMPER LATER. HAHA i hate myself.)

24. Gally saying he deserves it and asking if fry or newt wanna get a shot in too because he knows that everything he did was wrong and he probably lives with that shame and guilt every day and i want to cry

25. rose took my nose i suppose! fun fact: this line was also said by a crank in the scorch trials, though not nearly as clear - it’s very background ish and more violent. can’t remember the exact scene but it may have been when they’re in the abandoned mall and one of the cranks jumps on newt and thomas kicks him off the ledge. i was curious to know if it was supposed to be the same crank, but given the distinction between the two cranks i don’t think it was, but it’s something to consider. anyway - THE EFFECTS! his face was so cranky i loved it.

26. newt lacing up his boot probably to make sure his leg is okay and subtly noticing the pain in his hands and the twitching of them and panicking and trying to conceal it.

27. “gally, take care of them.” AW.

28. in the sewers, snarky!newt returns “ugh, this is gross.” 

29. out in the city and newt and thomas seeing a real city for the first time aw. 

30. the telescope and thomas seeing teresa for the first time and not even saying a word but gally just knowing and responding “i didn’t say you were gonna like it.”

31. the meeting when they get back and brenda saying “wait, isn’t this the same girl who betrayed you? the same dick?” and gally saying “i like her.” brenda and gally have attitudes that give me LIFE. <3

32. newt just sitting quietly off to the side during all of this but you can see the annoyance and rage in his eyes until he finally speaks up “worried your little girlfriend’s gonna get hurt?” etc. and the looks between everyone else around the table as the two of them fight.

33. the rage in newt’s eyes and then the immediate fade of the rage as he realizes what’s going on and he has to leave

34. brenda’s face when newt slams thomas against the wall because DO YOU THINK SHE BRIEFLY REMEMBERS WHEN SHE CRANKED OUT??? even though she really get angry with thomas but i’m sure she had moments before the boys met with her and jorge. not that she knows newt’s a crank yet but i mean?? memory trigger?

35. don’t get me started on the deleted scene.

36. thomas’ face when he sees newt’s wrists and the veins

37. the fact that newt must have written the letter shortly after this scene

38. let’e jump back to the cutaways now with teresa/minho/wicked quickly.. teresa thinking she’s found a cure for the little girl and talking with her and being so happy

39. teresa seeing minho and trying to tell him that something in his blood could save this little girl and could save a ton more people, but minho not having any of it because as far as he’s concerned she’s a traitor and has fcked with them and mostly thomas for so long and that kills him because now he’s separated from his friends and he has no idea if they’re alive or not after that raid

40. teresa learning that the little girl wasn’t cured and she’s back to square one now and really beginning to doubt herself.

41. not sticking up for ava paige here but the scene of her and jansen when she’s telling him that maybe it’s done and maybe there can’t be a cure, maybe it was all for nothing??

42. teresa’s walk through the city to take it in one last time and see the people around her whom she thought she would be able to help and realizing that humanity is dying and she can’t do anything to stop it. 

43. HER FACE WHEN SHE SAW THOMAS.

44. thomas barely even being able to look at her without crying.

45. newt being the one to angrily rip the covering from teresa’s eyes and taking his seat next to thomas.

46. “Don’t look at him. look at me. why’re you looking at him. he can’t help you.”  GALLY. 

47. gally talking to teresa because he knows it will be too hard on thomas, and then threatening to chop her finger off???

47a (had to go back because i just remembered other stuff and i don’t want to renumber everything): teresa seeing how good brenda’s doing and realizing it’s thomas’ blood but thomas telling her he doesn’t believe her anymore and to stop speaking and you know how much that had to hurt for him??

47b. Brenda telling thomas to be careful because he has a bad habit of not being able to leave people when he should (flashback to him not leaving her when she was cranking out and when she ran back in the warehouse when they first met thomas could have gone out the window with everyone else but he stuck around to make sure she was safe and got out too).

47c. jorge and brenda’s goodbye. i’m crying for three years.

47d. teresa trying to grab the knife she used because it had thomas’ blood on it but gally stopping her “nice try” because he prob thought she was gonna try to stab them, but she ended up taking the bandage at least! smart.

48. teresa had to have snuck into wicked for the uniforms and then back out right? how’d that work. only slightly curious.

49. newt (in uniform) walking directly up to thomas and teresa and staring at them briefly and threateningly before he nods his head and they’re like “oh, that must be newt.. okay.”

50. gally finding the mech box and Doing The Gally Thing that he was known for in the fever code!! did everyone forget gally was amazing at tech??? seeing him be able to put his brain to use here made me so happy.

51. newt cranking out on the staircase and teresa suddenly realizing why thomas is such a mess and newt turning away from her when he sees her staring at him because he’s still trying to hide it.

52. running and saving all those kids! (and again, sadly, realizing minho is not there)

53. thomas dragging teresa and telling her he’d better bring him to him right away.

54. newt immediately saying he’s going with them and thomas saying no that he has to stay for the serum but newt looking at him and just saying “minho comes first, remember?” SELFLESS.

55. gally leading the kids out to brenda, but when he realizes thomas never met up with her he tells her to stay and he runs back into Wicked to find him.

56. brenda keeping those kids safe with everything she’s got, even when it does mean leaving without thomas because she knows that if these kids get taken again, she’d never be able to live with herself.

57. back to thomas and friends - the whole elevator scene. priceless, honestly. thomas bumping into jansen? perfect. also gave him away probably, but it’s okay.

58. teresa and thomas’ argument in the hallway where he rips his mask off and immediately newt’s like “what’re you doing????” because if wicked sees thomas they’ll take him and newt can’t have that.

59. dumbass jansen coming and ruining everything. thomas holding a gun to teresa’s head, even though he knows he’d never be able to pull the trigger, but maybe teresa wasn’t actually sure for a moment and thought she might die? newt probably cheering this on a little bit. 

60. teresa playing middle ground again and locking them behind the glass doors, trapping them, but also giving them more time. making sure jansen knows she needs them alive.

61. minho hearing the commotion outside and realizing that he might actually have a chance at escaping and it’s enough to pull him out of his unconscious/messed up state and fight back.

62. thomas and newt fighting and constantly looking out for each other “newt get down!” “tommy get back!” and pushing him back before throwing the bomb. just having each others’ backs in general and newt fighting so hard if only to see minho one last time/save tommy.

63. minho coming and saving them by THROWING THAT GUY THROUGH THE WINDOW.

64. THE REUNION. The biggest hug of life and minho looking at them in amazement and saying “is this real” because for a brief minute he probably thought he was back in the room with wires stuck in him making him see things

65. locking themselves in that room and throwing furniture in front of the door to keep jansen out (throwback to tst!) 

66. jansen looking just totally annoyed leaning on the door while the guy comes in with the saw to open the door

67. “any ideas?” thomas’ awkward “maybe.” 

68. the scene where they throw the tank out the window and the whole shot of it falling in the water was beautiful because it was so quiet too omg

69. the three boys looking out the window like.. here we go. and the silent exchanges/thoughts probably going on in their heads?? thomas like “okay, okay, it’s doable. i have to get these two out of here no matter what.” and minho like “jesus i did not think i’d be doing this” and eyeing newt briefly. and newt just overall “well i’ve done it before” and also “well, if tommy says this is the plan, this is it.” because he’d FOLLOW HIM ANYWHERE, EVEN OUT OF A WINDOW.  -- also, it should be noted that minho doesn’t have shoes in all of this, poor boy running around on broken glass all day. christ.

70. when the saw starts along the door and you see newt’s slo-mo turn. epic.

71. the pep talk!!! “we’re all bloody inspired” !!!!!!!! snarky!newt and book!newt in one! and thomas’ brief look at him like “cut me some slack.”

72. jansen breaking through and the boys just not hesitating at all and going for it and minho yelling thomas’ name when they jump!!

73. jansen almost falling out of the window himself did anyone catch that? and then aiming to shoot and realizing it was futile while also thinking “these fucking kids....” lmao

74. the return of thomas flipping off jansen.

75. jansen saying he wants everyone finding thomas immediately and the other guard saying they were on it and they’ve got eyes already on the bus and jansen stops and is like “what bus?” LIKE... HIS MIND WAS PROBABLY LIKE ARE YOU KIDDING ME WTF ELSE DID THOMAS DO?

76. cut to badass brenda! when she gets stopped and leaves the bus and tells the kids to stay on and then stops and comes back and is like “you’re all doing great.” like!!!! <3

77. FRYPAN COMING TO SAVE THE DAY. That whole scene lifting the bus oh my god. frypan apologizing when he bangs the bus into the side of the wall. the absolute fear in brenda’s eyes when the bus starts breaking and she realizes she might fall. but then frypan running them down as close to the ground as possible so they don’t fall from that height! so great.

78. “out of service”

79. our trio getting out of the water (sidenote - minho is still without shoes and probably bleeding everywhere) and being caught and thomas’ utter “you’ve gotta be kidding me” like i know i didn’t just jump out of that window for nothing.

80. GALLY!

81. minho’s look of complete confusion at gally and thomas saying he’ll explain later but minho is still standing there in complete shock like what is happening.

82. “you guys are nuts.” lmao at gally’s reaction to them jumping out of the window. he must’ve been running around inside and heard one of the guards like “LET’S GO, THEY JUST JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW” and he was like “jesus christ thomas always doing dumb shit”

83. them running for cover behind a small wall and newt coughing like hell and minho suddenly realizing that his best friend is Not Okay. “hey how’re you feeling” “bloody terrible, but it’s good to see you again minho.” TEARS EVERYWHERE.

84. minho being so concerned and asking thomas how long newt had been like that and thomas struggling on how to tell minho and minho probably realizing that even cranking out like he was, newt pushed himself to be there and save minho.

85. ps in the background of this little exchange between minho and thomas, you see newt open his jacket and grab the necklace - possibly making sure it was still there and didn’t come off in the water. :) :) :) :) :) :(

86. “gally i don’t get it, why are you helping us? i put a spear through your chest.” “yeah well, nobody’s perfect.” minho and gally!!!!!!!!! minho was the only one who stood up for gally in the fever code they were friends first and this little exchange just made my heart hurt.

87. thomas and minho (still barefoot???) carrying newt throughout the streets of the city and gally having their back the entire time.

89. teresa finding the cure!

90. brenda and fry getting back and realizing nobody was there and there was probably a big chance that thomas and them might have been captured and all they could do was wait.

91. the crank bombs. the scene of that crank (forgot his name because i’m the worst..) riding into the building with the bombs how epic

92. the explosion and gally’s utter shock of it. “it was just supposed to be the building, not the entire city.” and thomas being like it’s okay let’s just go and gally still just panicking like “oh my god we’re destroying the city, this is not what i wanted, what have i messed up this time” gally just keeps feeling so much guilt for everything and i’m not okay

93. the breakout of the war between everyone in the city and our four boys just constantly struggling to find cover and finally thomas radios brenda and is like “we’re not gonna make it” and brenda is like “we’re not leaving you. i’m not leaving you so forget it.” and NOW WHO CAN’T LEAVE PEOPLE BRENDA I’M CRYING.

94. the boys running to the tunnels and gally turning and saying “we’re almost there newt” and the poor boy saying “just leave me” I MEAN????

95. as they’re crouched low again and thomas realizes that newt is almost fully cranked and they’re not gonna make it and he tells minho - their fastest runner - to get the serum. gally immediately saying he’ll cover him - which i believe 100% he would protect him with his life, if only it meant some sort of release from the guilt of chuck 

96. newt pulling minho in by the collar and telling him thank you. what a LOADED thank you. everything from the maze, being his friend, protecting them in the scorch, giving newt a second change at life. i’m in tears, son.

97. jorge coming with the berg and vince’s return! brenda saying thomas isn’t with them and vince insisting they go get him and everyone’s hype about it.

98. newt completely zoning out and his eyes turning fully now as he actually starts cranking out. thomas’ fear as he tried to bring him back and newt finally does come back to himself and he realizes it’s now or never so he gives thomas the necklace and says THE LINE.

99. “come on newt, it’s me and you. i need you to give me everything you’ve got okay?” “okay.” AND HE FIGHTS AGAIN TO TRY TO MAKE IT. 

100. you start to see newt completely cranking out with his legs dragging and his head twitching back and forth and he’s so far gone at this point and they fall and thomas keeps trying to get him up but newt’s just on the ground at this point with zero strength

101. teresa’s voice over the loudspeaker telling thomas that he is the cure and everyone’s reactions to it - brenda, minho, etc. 

102. thomas turning around to look at newt again but newt’s standing now and when newt turns around thomas loses it because he’s gone

103. THE FIGHT. OH MY GOD. “kill me tommy” and the roars 

104. brenda BOOKING IT

105. newt’s struggle between cranking out and coming back where we see both newt and crank!newt throughout the fight - including when he jump on thomas and breathes out “i’m sorry tommy” before putting the gun to his head.

106. thomas’ look of COMPLETE FEAR when he does this so much so that he just completely smacks the gun out of the way not caring where it landed and crank!newt’s growl at him right before he takes his knife and tries to stab thomas

107. thomas just crying as he tried to keep the knife from going in his chest because he knows they just have to hold off a little longer and the serum will be there, but when the knife actually starts pressing against him he just punches and kicks newt off to the side and it probably killed him to do that but he knew he didn’t have a choice

108. when It Happens and newt’s eyes clear and he just says “tommy” before falling and i’m crying as i write this so i need to skip to the next bullet point before i dwell on this.

109. brenda running to the scene and getting there just a minute too late. feeling guilty because she didn’t run fast enough, she didn’t leave early enough, etc. and seeing newt’s body thinking that could have been her months ago if thomas hadn’t saved her life. 

110. thomas just having no words and just slowly walking away.

111. minho and fry getting to the scene and omg. frypan looking at him and probably thinking back to winston (i’m convinced these two were bffs so) 

112. Minho. Minho seeing his best friend with a knife in his chest. And his knees just buckled because he couldn’t even stand anymore. do you ever wonder how long minho knelt there in silence until fry and brenda had to step in and try to pick him up and bring him back to the berg? because i do.

113. thomas just walking into wicked because he doesn’t care anymore. that was the final straw. he won’t lose anyone else. even if it means sacrificing himself. “just let everyone else go.” 

114. having ava shot right in front of him and barely even registering what just happened. trying to fight jansen but honestly he was probably so weak and tired and mentally shot after everything with newt that he could barely fight. he puts one last effort into it, all of his hatred at everything he’s been put through, but jansen still gets the better of him because he just can’t do it anymore.

115. teresa smashing that vase over jansen’s head and trying to save thomas. she fights so hard! she gets thrown across that table like a ragdoll!

116. jansen and the gun and thomas realizes that he’s going to shoot teresa and thomas runs in front of her to push her aside because despite everything he still cares about her and he knows she was trying to do the right thing. 

117. thomas watching teresa protect him and hold off jansen until he can’t take it anymore and throws the thing. “you missed.” “did i?”

118. jansen getting eaten alive by cranks amirite???

119. teresa and thomas running on top of the building as the city burns around them and they realize that this might actually be it and it’s over. and teresa feeling so, so guilty for everything. “i tried, tom, i tried.” “i know.” 

120. the berg! working to get thomas onto the platform and teresa pushing him up because he has to be saved no matter what, because he’ll save everyone. slipping the cure in his pocket, making sure he takes it with him.

121. thomas’ face when he realizes teresa isn’t going to come aboard, that she’s accepted her fate.

122. teresa’s fall!!!! oh my goodness. what a beautiful shot, cinematically.

123. thomas now lying on the berg practically bleeding to death, his last thoughts probably being about newt and teresa and the last half hour or so he’d just gone through.

124. minho probably seeing that thomas is shot and freaking out because there is no way he is losing both of his best friends today - not when the only reason they’re here is because they came to save him. (also, is minho still barefoot? i hope there were shoes on the berg for this poor boy..)

125. the safe haven! thomas walking out and seeing everyone and him and minho embrace and i just cry every time i think about it.

126. vince’s speech and The Rock for everyone to come make their peace.

127. minho giving the necklace back to thomas, probably not even realizing what it was, what it meant.

128. thomas finding the note and realizing its a letter and immediately folding it and dropping his head because he can’t believe that’s what this was. in his last moments, newt made sure thomas took this with him and thomas had no idea what it even was when he took it, probably thinking “okay sure yeah i’ll hold your necklace, whatever this is i’ve got it” possibly wondering if it was just cranked out newt or if it was actually something important.

129. The. Letter.  Not getting into detail here. You all know it. I can’t talk about it yet. Not yet.

130. Seeing Minho be the one to carve Newt’s name into the stone. I bawled.

131. Thomas carving Teresa’s name into it, because despite everything, she worked hard to save him and get him to where he was, and in the end, she did find the cure. She deserves to be remembered for that.

132. Seeing Sonya Harriet and Aris together again! Group B trio!

133. When they show the stone you see all of the names. Chuck - do you think Gally wrote in chuck’s name as a little release? What about Alby? Maybe Minho? I’m calling it now that Fry wrote Winston’s name.  They still had Ben’s name - I’m saying Minho wrote Ben’s name, because back in the glade they ran together, and he probably still misses him so often.  Rachel’s name is there, probably from Aris. There are so many names, so many stories unheard. But you think about everyone in the safe haven and all of these people they lost and it just hurts. 

134. the last words of the entire trilogy being “goodbye mate. Newt.” and how those words spoke to every single one of us.

feel free to add more bits.

[shytiff]

 August 2021

1 - morning walk with ness mendel to palm hills. my dumb ass decided to do a bit of run. my heart was screaming by the time we hiked lol. continued with some youtube dance work out at mess. had kanayam as always. the fish and chicken somehow tasted even better than usual. afternoon nap. had muesli and simba again. 

2 - a hectic BP slash usila slash mtbs day with dr arief. Tried sop bebek h syafei and sate bandeng. Worked out w renata to a 20 mins pilates vid and 2 madfit songs and one 5 min stretch. Dinner was tofu soun seaweed and egg soup courtesy of renata. And baked banana with ovomaltine lolll im so grateful friends give me food.

3 - in usila today but turns out theres still one more day of vaccine in kantor kecamatan, so nessa and i went. We screened together w dr arief. Finished at about 2 pm. Can finaly eat at like 3ish after getting to the mess. Felt a bit of headache and my nose starts to go runny. So i slept. But my nose was so blocked. So i asked renata for her boiled noodle. Felt a bit better. Cleared my nose. Slept.

4 - it did feel better, finally. The soreness i felt in my abs yesterday gets worse today lmao. BP w nessa. orientation w dr harnis. talked ngalor ngidul about love life et cetera at our room lol

5 - fasted today. sahur was rice, crispy mushroom and abon since i felt sick of eating egg. it seems that love life talk continued today    at BP w dr anggi. printed stuff at kubang wates. bought kepak bandeng at RM tajuk and some snacks in indomaret. turns out Prof gave me one more ppt to do, for PIT. and the manuscript deadline is on the 8th :) immediately started doing something about it since now i know ppt and word making rly takes time

6 - muesli and pizza from alfia for bfast. vaccine today w dr lutfi. talked with kang ade and turns out he lived in kalideres before lol. bought don’s burger for dinner and ate it with fried egg. 

7 - MTBS today. got a lot of free food. read stranger than friends. went to transmart w nessa to buy stuff. did the word for Prof’s PIT topic acompanied with lofi study on the tv accompanied with nescafe latte. taste kinda.. weird. 

8 - ran a bit today, alone. bought nasi uduk for 5000 and i added scrambled egg. continued the word and finished it at like 11 am. sent it. relaxed for a bit. read black mirror. lunch was from labbaik but things went shit and i ended up paying 72k lol. printed document stuff w nessa and went to palm hills in the golden hour. ate together w the gals. played scrabble and talked a bit with fianti until almost 11 pm.

9 - had left over chicken and pizza for bfast. usila today and the patients came back to back. bought kanayam while waiting for 2 pm. slept. did (so little) work of ECMOCARD SAP. im so research dumb. 

10 - had steak and rice and renata’s veggie soup for bfast. vaccine today at vivo near intermedia with teh dian. waited for a mother with 9cm dilatation in ugd with nessa, but it took so long so i went back first. met up with atikah at o seven lmao. she arrived at like 12 and waited at palm wates. tried carbonara sphagetti (yum! but not fulfilling enough) and fried tofu. slept early and i probably passed out at like 930 pm. atikah was talking w ratnaa and we’re talking about the day’s randomness of atikah’s customer that somehow lives in cilegon

11 - woke up late. drove motorbike around palmhills to sightsee a bit. bfast at nasi uduk place around the corner. did some ngambi-together in green wates, accompanied by atikah’s 2 songs, repeated many times. went to mess. ate seafood in merak (a place near billiard cafe). got fish and shrimp. went to pulau kecil with pak asep’s help. walked around the tiny island. saw a monkey. the waters surprisingly clear. and then after maghrib Prof asked me about the ppt lol. so i hurriedly made it and emailed it, with zoom sesh 2mrw

12 - muesli for bfast. a hectic day today at bp x usila with dr lutfi (she went up for a bit for promkes). leftover kangkung and fish for lunch. hurriedly added some stuff to Prof’s ppt before the zoom sesh at 3. did 1 pamela reif vid and “attempted” her 10 min ab workout. dinner was soun and egg and renata’s veggie. 

13 - vaccine day for ODGJ and special needs children ft. dr Arief. finished at like 10:15. bought discounted wingstop (86k for 20 piece). was about to send Prof’s ppt but turns out there’s a ppt from the sponsor. in english. so i had to mold the 2 ppt and do some translation. finally sent it, and the literature. the sponsor used a lot of old literature lol. 

14 - wingstop and rice for bfast. mtbs today. no patient lmao. bu ningrum gave me cimol again! and a snack called selondok. waited out 2 pm with nessa. there’s a mom that came with upper abdominal pain. it did not improve after ranitidine, so she was referred. mom dad etc came to cilegon. i vacuumed. bujing lia had itches within like 15 mins of entering my room :(( lol. since the bed was put out, renata and i slept in yoga mat lol. nessa went to damkar. but i dreamed of something that night.

15 - mom’s spaghetti for bfast. off to pulau besar at 7 am. walked around the island a bit. swam in pulau kecil. ate at saung bonang (<50k per person!). tidied up the hydrovacuumed bed. a 20 ish minute ab and glutes workout with renata. love life talk. accidentally turned on live video in cld lmao. talked with aisyah due to said live vid. gave some brownies and spaghetti to mendel lol. dinner was mom’s chicken, kentang balado and capcay. 

16 - usila today. lots of patients with dizziness. ate mom’s chicken and spicy potato for lunch. 

17 - free day today. picked up my towel from sodaqo laundry. nasi uduk for breakfast. lazed. washed my undies. lunch was meat soup made by renata. watched run bts while eating indomie. watched extreme job (quite hilarious). filled my logbook. slept at like 12 am

18 - spaghetti for bfast. no patient at kia. promkes about hypertension. some patients at igd today. my mistake today was not realizing the pneumonia on a 8months patient with severely dehydrated diarrhea :( there’s also a 4 yo child whose fever did not improve after like 3 hrs and pct and compress. i have to be better :(. lunch was kanayam. bought chatime together with ness tri. tried lychee milk tea and the taste did not combine well at all. imagined better productivity with nessa even though its less likely to happen lmaooo

19 - fasted and had nongshim carbonara dry ramen for sahur. BP today. Almost bought martabak but its just keBMan on my part.

20 - vaccine day today. Filled logbook. went to mess and went back again to cibeber through the rain when i was called by the teteh. Helped the delivery (the mcroberts, to be exact), and got some hecting. The midwives were rly kind :) ness ren were sleeping so i got some silence for myself. It was nice. Tidied some stuff and slept

21 - mtbs. Whatsapp class for pregnant woman abt c19 vaccine. Bought martabak hokky medium (50k,green tea, chocolate, ceres and cheese). Turns out alfia also bought martabak assen. Fried mom's chicken and ate it with renata's porridge. Movie night, watched under the gods 1 along with popcorn

22 - woke up kinda late if i wanted to run, but the weather was cloudy and nice, so i went out at 7:15ish. ran a bit towards KS complex behind mess. walked through a jogging track, empty houses, krakatau bike park. played badminton with tri. washed undies. ate mom’s food for bfast slash lunch. napped a bit. off to o seven, bringing mom’s brownies. ordered green tea latte (25k), it tasted sweet and i had to remind myself that its not matcha lol. did some logbook and literature search for prof’s ppt. ate renata’s broccoli. folded clothes. tried nessa’s scarlett scrub. put on some lotion. mask. turned on fianti’s candle (smells rly nice and calming!). vcall with fi, scrabble and some talks. and suddenly its 11pm

23 - usila today. quite a lot of patients, so much that i was thirsty. dr yanti called since she needs some preskas docx. lol so sudden. bought mizone and dimsum kuy (10.5k with gofood pickup promo). the dimsum was good and fulfilling. didnt do anything else much in the mess. read a painter behind the curtain. it was rly rly good. all the characters made sense and had great insight. some are assholes (im looking at u, Raymond). ate the keripik mom bought from sidimpuan. first time actually trying it. its actually not that spicy lmao i used to think its the spiciest thing in the world. banana, brownies and protein shake for din din.

24 - empty KIA today. no promkes. or UGD patients. some mentoring on preeclampsia by dr Arif. went to BNI but turns out our card havent been activated yet.  cooked mom’s sphagetti sauce (thats not enough amount) along with egg and cheese. yum. had banana brownies and protein for dinner. started trial to blinkist

25 - BP today. reasonable amount of patients, accompanied by blinkist. tried ngikan by gofood pickup (17.5k). i still prefer kanayam’s fish and nasi liwet. a pregnant woman came to UGD. so i went back at like 7 pm, but turns out the mom went back home lmao. mas apit said i shouldve contacted him. point taken. so a nicely lit cafe along the way to pkm called Serada, so i tried it. It has industrial vibes. Got latte (25k). did some logbook. Read some blinks in bed

26 - vaccine today. Both screening and getting moderna lol. My arm hurts. So far no fever. bought roti O croissant and the usual coffee bread for 12k using gofood. Watched weathering with you. Turned on the candle. Read blinks

27 - arm hurts. but thankfully its mtbs. slept while waiting until 2. kanayam sambal matah for lunchie. finally took PCT that solved my headache and incoming fever and arm pain bcs i dont want to stumble while on the motorbike. watched harry potter #1. washed clothes and filled some logbook, powered by left over serada latte. need to sleep so i wont wake up late 2mrw

28 - mass vaccination in SMP RJ with mendel kak esa. 800ish patients. Lots of food and snacks and coffee. Picked up by mom and dad. Slept on the way. And like magic, when i open my eyes im at the airport. Basking in the silence of my room

29 - relaxed. Moms nasgor for bfast. Met up with atikah puy in kopi sedjenak. Tried their croffle with nutella. Went to racheels since its her online grad day. There were also sil and dev. Lotsss of food was eaten that day. Doughnuts, moms brownies, fruits, phd bigbox. Atikah and puy also came along to racils. Had lots of fun talk.

30 - sahur. Off to cilegon. A bit of road fixture was going on. Stopped in the rest area since i wanted to pee. KIA/ugd today. There was a patient who had an accident with a truck. Her nails were falling off. I panicked when Prof asked for his ppt so i hurriedly finished it. Had moms chicken for iftar. Fell asleep after maghrib

31 - usila. Renata fried bakwan and tofu and fish and chicken. Lotsss of fries yum. We played with makeup and ness set up her ling light. I imitated jks tattoo using eyeliner lol. Did the word for Prof. Jk went live for his bday!! I listened until i fell asleep (lol hes still going)

[tournesoldansunjardin]

  (C)Clr’18

(C)Clr’18

(C)Clr’18

Dear Emma, May 29th White Rock, B.C.

Walking along the beach, I checked the time and realized there was over 3 hours before sunset. So, I stopped at a café, a friend suggested, Whitby’s Café. They have coffee, pastries and gelato. It seems there are at least a dozen ice cream parlours on Marine Drive. I sat with my coffee and relaxed entranced by the ocean view across the street.

It has such a friendly and “small town” affect here. I rested for almost 30 minutes, sipping my coffee and then I walked a bit more west. I found a place to sit and lean my back on the cement. I watched people arriving after their day job, to catch a few hours on the water, kayaking, fishing or just sitting on the beach and chilling and watch the sun set.

I sat there for awhile and let the sea take me in. I was in a quieter area with less people traffic, so it was easy to just drift off and be in the moment. Later, I started walking back East, hoping to find a quiet place for dinner. I had walked up an appetite for sure! It was a long day, walking over 2 km just in the airports! I did a total of 11 km for my first day!

Most of the places I passed were buzzing with patrons and many couples…I needed to be in a calmer place and then I noticed one place that seemed more inviting. The terrace was almost in front of the pier and one patron smiled at me and said, “Come on in, you won’t regret it.” And so I did and when the waiter came out, I recognized her and realized this is the exact place I came to last year on my first night in White Rock. What a coincidence!

I had mussels in a coconut and curry bouillon with cilantro and a local fruity beer from Delta. I happened to have that same beer last year too. A family passed by and right in front of the entrance one of the toddlers set herself on the sidewalk having a tantrum. I felt bad for the mom who was trying to not make a scene. The couple across from me, said, “Well, we’ve all seen that before.” And we got to chatting. They were from Clearwater, BC near Kamloops. They seemed so nice and it looked like they were out on a spontaneous couples’ getaway. I asked them if they wanted me to take a photo of them. Their phones had died, so I used my phone and gave it to the woman to forward to herself. They were so sweet and I learned more about the beauty of their neck of the woods. Maybe next year, I might consider flying to Vancouver and renting a car to drive up north for four to five hours. Apparently the view is worth the road trip.

Walking home, I felt bad that the sunset had been hidden by the clouds but the sky was turning magenta all around me. I took a few more pics and I still could not get over all the gelato places on the way home. I finally gave in on the last place and got a chocolate pistachio gelato. It was pure bliss!

Twilight serenade Rolling waves kiss the shore My feet tingle

Twilight serenade Seagulls gliding Singing off-key

Rolling waves kiss the shore Bowing to the setting sun

My feet tingle Waves rolling back Into my childhood

(C) Tournesol ‘18/05/31

This was written May 29th but I did not get around to post it.

Dear Emma, White Rock, B.C.(troibun) Dear Emma, May 29th White Rock, B.C. Walking along the beach, I checked the time and realized there was over 3 hours before sunset.

[d3ndroica]

Big Apple 8

Part 1     Part 2      Part 3     Part 4     Part 5     Part 6      Part 7

Friday morning, Madge headed to work with an extra spring in her step. Maybe because it was Friday and there was an afternoon holiday party at work. Or maybe because she had weekend plans with Gale. There was a constant fluttering in the pit of her stomach, half anticipation and half anxiety. In the morning she threw herself into the minutiae of lab work. She had a quick meeting over lunch confirming the expected schedule for the holidays - Madge had a few days off including Christmas. The lab’s holiday party was a casual thing starting at 2pm. Madge had finished most of her lab work in the morning, and as she checked email her mind wandered. Saturday dinner with Gale loomed in her mind. A Date! Okay, maybe a date. They hadn’t really specified, but Madge was feeling optimistic.

To help distract herself from the inevitable overthinking, Madge texted with Thom. He had been super grumpy since his show ended and she figured she could kill two birds with one stone, cheering him up and distracting herself. She convinced him she would come to his place for dinner and a movie or something. He only agreed because it was “totally gross” out and he had practically no disposable income, but at least he agreed.

The holiday party was, well, a bit awkward. Even though she’d done a few happy hours, having the bosses and other people she didn’t know put a damper on the party spirit. But there was wine and free food and a group gift exchange in which Madge scored a new travel mug and coffee shop gift card, so it wasn’t all bad.

She showed up at Thom’s after work with frozen pizza and ice cream. As usual, Thom proved to be an excellent distraction from whatever was on her mind. They watched a stupid comedy and made snarky comments through the whole thing. When the movie was over Thom switched over to Real Housewives and before Madge realized how late it was, she was half asleep on the couch, so she just stayed the night. Saturday was cold but clear. Madge was bundled up on the subway, reading a book on her way home when she got Gale’s message. She had to fish for the phone from her coat pocket and take off her gloves to unlock it. Gale 10:51am can’t make it tonight something came up sorry :(

Madge 10:54am OK. Everything OK?

Gale 10:55am Yeah OK. rain check?

Madge 10:57am Yeah np

Except, of course, it was a problem. Why, she wondered. He hadn’t explained, and she hadn’t asked, but it felt like rejection. Something came up, which could mean anything at all, or nothing. The idea of a rain check was little consolation.

Madge tried to make new plans. Well, she texted Rue about doing something, but Rue had a performance. She’d be free on Monday, so Madge agreed to meet up then. Madge also emailed Delly a sad diatribe about men being stupid, but mostly she felt like the stupid one. Ugh. So she wound up spending Saturday night doing laundry, watching Sex and the City streaming online, and getting drunk on cheap wine. She glared at her phone but did not text him. She’d decided that since he had canceled the plans she’d initiated, it was up to him to re-engage. Sunday she finished her holiday shopping. Delly called to commiserate about their lack of dating lives. That evening, Madge called her dad, catching him up on work and the city - everything except Gale. She didn’t talk about her dating life with family if she could avoid it. Her dad spent about 20 minutes describing the latest episode of Midsomer Murders he’d seen, practically scene by scene, except he kept mixing up which characters were which, so Madge was left with a  bizarre muddle of people who may have been blackmailing and/or sleeping with each other.

Monday rolled around all too quickly. Madge felt forlorn, a cold dreary Monday and still nothing from Gale. She had a busy day scheduled in the lab, prepping her new cell cultures. She was determined to be sure everything was pristine this time around. As she was breaking for lunch, she ran into another lab tech, Vinayak, whom she’d chatted with at the holiday party. He was watching some viral video a student had made for their biology class about cell reproduction processes - Madge had to appreciate it, it mentioned apoptosis! She got sucked into a short conversation with him and some other coworkers about it and other biomed social media. When she finally got back to her desk she checked her phone and found a series of messages waiting. Rue had messaged with a suggestion for a dive bar to meet at before the movie. And Gale had texted. Finally. Gale 11:23am hey

Gale 11:29am you free tonight?

Madge 12:41pm Sorry :( have plans Been stuck in the lab Maybe tomorrow?

Madge sighed. The more she thought about it, she realized she was angry at him. Did he think Monday night plans were just as good as Saturday? And why was it always the same day, couldn’t he make plans a few days out, give her some warning? She hadn’t really thought about it before but now it occurred to her that he had only ever made plans on the same day with her - never in advance. She wasn’t sure if that was supposed to tell her something about him - or about her. And he was mostly MIA on weekends which seemed, if anything, not promising. The whole things left her feeling grumpy. She was happy that she had enough of a life to not be at his beck and call (not a fair accounting but whatever, she still considered herself new to the city and for once she had plans so she could at least feel good about that). She was also annoyed that she wouldn’t see him.

Still, she was determined to have fun tonight, meeting up with Rue to see the latest Wonder Woman movie. Returning to the lab after lunch, Madge struggled to get through all the steps of the day’s protocol. After a hectic afternoon, Madge managed to be only a little late meeting Rue at a dive bar, just in time to take advantage of the cheap (and weak) happy hour specials before the movie. Madge barely even had time to look at her phone. They talked about the holidays - Rue’s shows were scheduled throughout so she would be in town working through all the holidays. She asked about Madge’s work. Madge started explaining her day, but gave up when she saw Rue’s blank look. They moved onto other topics before walking to the theater. The movie was entertaining, and they made vague promises of getting together again soon before each heading home.

Gale 1:03pm tomorrow should be ok I have a meeting til 5 then free

Madge 6:20pm Sounds good. I should be able to get off early tomorrow

Gale 6:41pm U up for morningside? Could eat nearby?

Madge 10:34pm ok Any ideas? Or just meet at subway stn?

Gale 10:39pm sure just meet 116th st subway @ 6?

Madge 10:50pm Soudns good ….so I just did the thing where I turned on the computer and started scanning the exact same feeds I’ve been looking at on my phone 😩😫

Gale 10:52pm 😆 home now?

Madge 10:54pm 👣🍿🎵

Gale 10:59pm long day?

Madge 11:04pm soo long It was hard But good, you know?

Gale  11:06pm you know i said day not date right? you didn’t send a going home with someone emoji

Madge smirked at her phone.

Madge 11:07pm You think if I were with long hard & good I would be on my phone?

Gale 11:08pm well good isn’t mindblowing so it depends if you want 🍆 or 💏

Madge 11:09pm It can’t be both? (Unless you’re accusing me of ethnic cleansing bc those people are weirdly yellow)

Gale 11:09pm  ok you’re alone so want to explain what was long, hard, and good for you today? inquiring minds want to know 😉

Madge 11:10pm Just another busy day curing cancer ;-)

Gale 11:11pm I heard it’s more complicated than that

Madge 11:12pm Well that’s what makes it so hard

Gale 11:14pm lol, guess i have to give you that one sounds stimulating 😎

Madge 11:16pm So - how was your day?

Gale 11:17pm well not as long or hard as yours 😉

Madge 11:18pm Well It’s not about the length of your day but what you do with it ;-) 

Gale 11:20pm 🙊 I’ll try to remember that looking forward to 2moro

Madge 11:21pm Me 2 :)

Gale 11:22pm 👍

Madge hesitated, typed, it’s a date, and told herself to press send. She wavered. She wanted him to say it was a date. Why couldn’t he say that? She knew he could see that she’d been typing. She deleted the words she’d written.

Madge 11:25pm my long day is catching up with me  See you tomorrow

Gale 11:26pm goodnight Madge set down her phone and thought about what she would wear the next day. She took a shower, washed and dried her hair. She pulled on comfy flannel pajamas and laid down for bed. And laid there. Awake.

Madge 12:13am Hi

Thom 12:15am Yo

Madge 12:16am Seeing GH tomorrow

Thom 12:17am 👍🔥  r u 2 DTF

Madge 12:18am NO We’re not even dating

Thom 12:19am nedn fuck him then u’ll know

Madge 12:21am Can you be serious for one minute? We’re supposed to go to morningside park Is that a terrible idea?

Thom 12:22am u rly worried?

Madge 12:23am I barely know him and we’re going for a nighttime stroll in a strange park. If this were a horror movie I’d be saying how dumb I was

Thom 12:24am STOP UR NOT IN A MOVIE anw he’s mr consent 100% ggg

Madge laughed out loud at that - mostly at herself. She didn’t even know where that had come from but Thom as usual managed to calm her while bordering on TMI.

Madge 12:25am lol Sorry

Thom 12:26am npgf now go 2 bed b ;)

Tuesday morning she opted for a shorter workout than usual, allowing some extra time to prepare for that night. She could not even pretend she thought this was going to be casual. She was still a little annoyed at him, but having a little advance warning was better than none. She could at least pick out her outfit knowing she’d see him.

She wondered what would happen. She knew she could be in for a big disappointment, but she couldn’t help hope. As distracted as she was, work was helpful for keeping her occupied. She was still determined to get the labwork right. She managed to push most of the thoughts of Gale to the side as she peered into her microscope to observe her lab cultures.

They sent a few texts midday, not much more than confirming the night’s plans. Before she knew where the time had gone, it was 6pm and she was packed with a thousand other strangers on the train, protecting her small allotment of breathing room from the other jostling passengers, speeding towards … something. She came through the turnstiles and he was there. Leaning on the wall, head bent down toward his phone, his eyes were skimming the turnstiles. For her. Her heart beat a little faster. How long had it been? He looked good. He was clean shaven; he wore a beanie with a Knicks logo pulled down low over his head.

Was this happening? She ran her fingers through her hair and walked over. Gale smiled when he saw her and tucked his phone into a pocket. His “hi” was warm. Madge’s mind chased the question whether it was a friendly warm or something more. If she had been hoping for time to stop, it didn’t - their eyes met for a moment and then suddenly he was adjusting his scarf and leading her toward the subway exit far too quickly.

She had done a cursory web search to see what food was nearby. Maybe Gale had too, or maybe he just knew the neighborhood. As they left the station he said, “Well, there’s seafood, a beer garden, or middle eastern right on the corner. There’s other stuff nearby. What are you in the mood for?”

“How about middle eastern?” she suggested. “I haven’t had a good falafel in ages.” Madge had already checked out their website.

“Falafel?” From his dubious tone, she guessed it wasn’t what he’d expected her to choose. 

“Is that okay?” She quirked up an eyebrow and looked at him. She had assumed he would be okay with his own list.

“Sure,” he agreed, seeming amused.

They quickly spotted the middle eastern cafe across the street, with a cute storefront. Gale took that extra stride as they approached the door and held it open for her. As he stepped through after her, Madge rubbed her hands in the warmth of the cafe.

They were led to a small table along the wall, and quickly shed their coats and scarves. They sat, Madge facing the inner restaurant and Gale facing the window, coats draped over chairs. Sitting across from each other, Gale asked Madge about her day. Whether real or imagined, the gleam in his eye led her thoughts directly to the long and hard convo … Shit, was he trying to be dirty or was it just her? It was going to be harder to keep her head clear with him right here in front of her. Madge saw the waiter coming to fill their water glasses and opened her menu as if to remind herself where they were. She was sure her cheeks flushed as she rambled something about her workday. When she asked about his day, Gale talked briefly about work, about working through bugs in their code, and a customer who kept changing their priorities.  

The menu choices looked pretty standard by Madge’s experience. They decided to share the appetizer sampler which included hummus, baba ghanoush, grape leaves and the like. Madge added falafel; Gale picked chicken shawarma. It wasn’t long before they’d put in their order with the young waiter.

Soon after the drinks arrived Gale asked, “So when are you going home for Christmas?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah,” she said. “Not til next week, my flight is Tuesday. I hope the weather doesn’t mess up my flights or anything. I’m just going for a few days - visit my dad and see a few friends. You?”

Gale shook his head. “Still need to get tickets. I’m going, I just don’t know the details yet.”

“Really? Isn’t it kind of late for that?”

“Well, I’m just catching a train. I’ll figure it out this week.”

Madge shook her head, amazed at how cavalier he was about leaving Christmas travel details to the last minute. “What about work?” she asked. As odd as it seemed, he had to know what he was doing; unlike her, he had done this before. He had lived here a lot longer than her.

“I took some time off,” he shrugged. “And i can work remotely if i need to.”

“Must be nice,” she answered.

Talking about Christmas plans led to talking about family. Gale talked about his more than she expected - two college aged brothers she had trouble keeping straight, and a twelve year old sister. He seemed extremely protective and fond of them. The waiter came and went, bringing appetizers and main courses. Gale asked about her family and hometown, things she usually didn’t talk much about.

She told him about her dad’s obsession with British crime dramas. ”We always watch a few when I’m home, except half the time he falls asleep in the middle, so I don’t know what the point is,” she laughed.

One side of Gale’s mouth twisted up in a half smile and their gazes held. “What do you do if he falls asleep?” He popped the last stuffed grape leaf into his mouth.

Madge shrugged. “I still watch it. I mean, by then I’m usually hooked anyway.”

“Are you sure he’s the one who’s obsessed?” he asked with a smirk.

They dawdled over the last crumbs on their plates until Madge asked the passing waiter for the bill. Turning back to Gale she asked, “So how far is Morningside from here?”

“A couple blocks. But we don’t have to go tonight,” Gale hedged.

“No I want to,” Madge countered. “I mean, that was the plan right? And a walk would be nice.”

“Okay, then,” Gale agreed, but he didn’t seem as enthusiastic as Madge had expected. A little doubt worried her thoughts.

After Madge paid the bill, they pulled their coats on and headed for the street. “Thanks for dinner,” Gale said.

“Well I did owe you,” she answered. “But you’re welcome.”

Outside the sky was that strange shade of purple caused by orange city lights reflecting off the dark clouds overhead. The streetlights lit their way down 116th street to the park. Madge shivered against the cold and pulled her gloves on as they walked.

“We could do the park another time,” Gale offered. “If it’s too cold.”

“Shut up,” Madge said, eyeing the darkness ahead of them. “I’ll be fine once we’re walking.”

Other than her toes, because her boots that could both look good and can handle walking were not well insulated, and her nose, she did warm quickly. She kept her hands in her pockets,mostly because Gale’s hands were in his pockets. Now that they were on their way, Gale seemed relaxed.             

As they approached the park, Madge’s uncertainty grew. She felt her awareness of the dark shadows ramping up and her heartbeat picking up the pace.

“Do you do this a lot?” she asked.

“No,” he admitted with a grin. A jogger with a dog passed by.  

“I’m all for trying new things but are you sure this is safe? Because it seems kinda crazy. And I would really like to not wake up dead in a ditch somewhere tomorrow.”

“Trust me, we’ll be fine,” he shrugged off her concern. “Give it a chance and if you want to leave, just say so and we’ll leave. Buddy system, remember?” On her own, Madge thought the buddy system sounded awfully platonic, but somehow he made it sound flirtatious.

“Right,” she said.

There weren’t many people around, just a few figures here and there who all appeared to be on their way somewhere. Gale headed to the left when they entered the park. There were street lamps here and there providing pools of light enough to follow the path easily. You could see the buildings on either side of the park, the ones to the west towering over them from the top of a steep and tree-covered hillside. They walked together past the dog run where a few stragglers were still chasing each other. Their owners stood off to one side, chatting to pass the time while watching the dogs. Gale raised an arm in a friendly gesture; one of the dog walkers reciprocated. When they reached a fork in the path, they turned further into the park and north again. 

Other than being dark off the path, the park seemed fairly innocuous. Madge’s nerves began to calm down. “So is this your favorite park?” she asked. 

Gale shook his head. “Nah. It’s too small. But I like it. It feels homey.”

“Homey?” Madge was dubious. 

“Well, yeah. You’ve got playgrounds and b-ball hoops, baseball fields, the dog walk. You’ll have to see it in the daylight sometime,” Gale said.

Madge pursed her lips, annoyed.

Gale must have realized it.  “Sorry I bailed on Saturday,” he said quietly.

“Uh-huh,” Madge replied, noncommittal. The silence stretched between them as she debated whether to ask more. Her mouth was dry. “So … what happened?”

With a rueful sigh Gale answered, “um, well. It’s not a good story. My roommate Jimmy had stomach flu last week. As in, literally immediately after we talked about getting together, he starts puking his guts out. And doesn’t stop. I was kind of hoping it was just food poisoning or something. But then it hit Carlo on Saturday morning. I figured I was next.”

“Oh,” Madge said, wrinkling her nose and, to be honest, trying not to laugh.

“It wasn’t pretty,” he added. “I basically spent the weekend watching sports in my room and cleaning everything in the apartment. I figured if we came Saturday I’d ruin it by getting sick. Or something. It didn’t matter - I never got sick, but still - guess I got lucky. They’re both fine now, anyway.”

“Oh, that’s good,” she agreed. “So ...  um. Why didn’t you say so?”

“Sorry,” he sighed. “It’s not exactly, you know, a pleasant image. I was going to email you … but I don’t have your email. So that plan kinda fell apart.”

“Oh,” she said. “Well I’m glad you’re okay. And at least we’re here now.” She was mostly relieved that it was a decent reason. Still, if she had only known, the last few days would have been easier, at least. But, complaining now seemed silly -she felt immature, and didn’t want him to know she’d felt so insecure and jealous over it. She had no right to feel those things.

“Yeah, we are,” Gale agreed, his mouth curving into a smile as he looked back at her - she hadn’t even realized she’d slowed down. He reached out a hand to her. “C’mon, then.”  She took it, feeling his heat through the fingers of her gloves.

Up ahead there was water on their left, between the hillside - no, the cliff - and the path. Madge eyed the water as they walked. She joked, “My roommate knows where I am and who I’m with. So, you know, you can forget about any plans you had to slash my throat and toss my body in the water.” The cliff face across the water looked imposing in the dark, a hulking shadow.

“What?” Gale shook his head. “Wow that would make me the worst buddy ever.”

“I’m just saying, logically, it’s a bad idea,” she argued, trying to sound matter of fact.

“Oh, thanks,” Gale answered. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? I think you’ve been watching too many crime dramas with your dad. And come on,  Slash your throat? Seems unnecessarily messy.”

She laughed.

“Besides this is no place to dump a body. It’s not THAT remote,” he scoffed.

“Oh, thanks, that’s comforting,” she answered, still laughing.

“Well when you said you were afraid to go in city parks alone in the dark I had no idea you would accuse me of being a knife-wielding maniac.”

“I never said maniac,” she protested.

“It was implied. If you can’t trust your buddy who can you trust?”

“I trust you,” She grumbled. “But -”

“But what?”

“You want to talk about implications, how about this? What are the implications of me being alone with you in a strange park at night. I want to see the park and I’m sure it’s great but it’s really not why I’m here. If you want to be buddies that’s fine, but -”

He cut her off, saying, “I thought it would be romantic.”

“What?”

“The park. I thought it would be romantic. A walk through the park, moonlight, holding hands.“

Madge stepped in close. She tilted her face to his and kissed him. Her lips moved against his, soft and slow. He responded, and she felt his arms wrap around her.

She smiled against his lips.

“Romantic, huh?”

[jinjikook]

11 q tag

tagged by my ult @minigguk  ♡ p.s. ily

rules: answer 11 questions from the person who tagged you, then make 11 more questions for the next people you tag.

1. what is your all-time favorite album from high school? why?

i wanna say halsey’s badlands, i was in a tough spot at one point and i constantly listened to that album, it had right mix of angry/sad emotions i was dealing w at the time

2. tell me about a childhood dream you’ve always had.

hmmm well i’ve always wanted to have a ranch, or at least some acres of land to just own a few horses and some cattle, just to live that rural lifestyle. i had a friend back in the day who had something akin to that and i remember just wanting a life like that, waking up early and going for a ride and taking care of the animals.

3. what makes you smile no matter what?

my kitten, luna bug. she can be an ass at times but i love her dearly and i can always count on her to bring a smile to my face

4. favorite class and why?

god i loved language arts, any kind of writing/literature classes were my favs. i was just naturally good at them and it felt great to excel in something, especially something that i actually enjoyed. plus i had really wonderful teachers growing up that really helped me mature as writer

5. what’s your mbti? (if you don’t know it then there’s a test at 16personalities.com!) is it accurate? if you decided to re-take it again, has it changed since the first time? (i’m curious since i went from an infj to an enfj somehow LOL)

last time i did it, i was an infp-t and i just took it again and i’m the exact same thing lmaooo

6. do you like boba / bubble tea? what’s your go-to drink?

oh i love boba!! i rarely get to have it bc the closest boba place is like twenty minutes away but i like having coffee flavored boba. in general, i love coffee so that’ll always be my go-to, though lately i’ve been digging a lot of white chocolate blends 

7. what’s one thing you never want to change about your life?

i guess i wouldn’t want to change the relationship between my older sister and i; we’ve grown immensely close over the past few years and the way we’re able to talk and joke and go out together now is something i truly cherish

8. tell me three things that you like about yourself - can be a physical trait or a personality one!

gdi em stop being a positive ray of sunshine for two seconds and let me wallow in negativity,,,,

idkidkidk i guess my eyes? ppl say theyre big and pretty but idk i just think they’re huge lol i like my imagination, how i think outside the box for things (whether it’s for writing or not) and the work ethic i have. my mom taught me serious morals especially when it comes to working and i’m proud of how hard i work and how i still consider my coworkers feelings throughout my day job.

9. if you could publish a book, then what would it be about?

let’s be honest, i’d probably end up making a erotica novel lmao

but in a serious setting, i really enjoy dystopian universes and a strong protagonist being faced with challenges of all types having to survive (ofc with a love interest bc i’m a sap) so probably something of that nature.

10. if you could choose a fictional universe to be in, then what would it be?

a magic au would be the best!!! just imagine all the possibilities, it sounds amazing 

11. what is your passion in life? what drives you?

i’d say writing, just literature in general really makes me happy and i think it’s helped me extend my mind into other spectrums. hell, without it i wouldn’t have this blog and met some wonderful ppl (including the beb who tagged me in this) and i can’t imagine just not doing all of this.

also collecting but that’s just cuz im a recluse and it brings me joy lol

♡

time for my q’s!

1. what is your go-to dance move?

2. do you ever wish you were born somewhere else? can be a different city, area, country or even planet!

3. long legged doggos or short puppers? (can be changed to whatever animal you like if dogs aren’t your thing!)

4. what has been your favorite halloween costume to date?

5. how is your room/house decorated?

6. is there an exotic animal you wish you could own? why?

7. how do you feel about doctors/medical professionals?

8. are you the type to accept a gift graciously and put it away if you won’t use it or ask for the receipt so you can return/exchange it for something practical for you?

9. butterfly kisses or eskimo kisses?

10. what’s the best promise anyone has ever kept for you?

11. sun or moon?

tagging: @dramarrama @tomatoholmes @minpuphyuk @hyungminnie @jooheonster @cutiepiebts

[xoxojustbreathe]

It’s crazy how small the world is. Those are the only words that come to my mind, not sure why. Not sure those are the exact words to describe this instance but it’s all I’ve got right now at 4am.

In the end of May I finally got a job. A job at a restaurant and I couldn’t be happier. I hated working in retail at Dollar General, especially in my tiny ass town.

So this restaurant I got a job at, it’s a new restaurant in town. I worked the very first day they opened. As a server. Mind you, my very first legitimate job was at a restaurant in a very popular tourist area near me, I worked there as a host. Although after a little while there I wanted to learn to be a server but they never gave me the chance (that’s a rant for another day) But this new place took a chance on me and hired me as a server when I only had host experience, even though I basically was low key a server at my first job with how the place was run. (another long story for another day) but anyways. I’m getting off topic.

This new place had a full blown opening which was good and bad because I didn’t have any legitimate server experience. BUT I did fine for like the first week but one fucking day. I messed up on one of my tables, it was a shit show honestly. I think I already had 1 or 2 tables and then I got this shitty one that was supposed to be 4 people, at least that was what I was told but then it turned out to be 5 and it just threw me off, idk. I got all their orders but I guess i forgot to write one of the orders down and also forgot to put it in the computer for the kitchen to make. So not only did it take forever for the food to get out because someone else screwed up the line when the tables food finally did come out, they were already pissed off because it took so long but then I had forgotten the one guys order and so they left and it shook me. I tried to shrug it off and just continue on with the night and I did. But I guess that made them realize I kind of need some training, I need to learn more of the trade because I only know the little I learned from my first job from just watching and sort of helping. 

Mind you the first like 5 days I worked I worked the dinner shift which, dinner is way more fucking complicated and confusing and the menu is bigger and more complicated and I’m so fucking proud of myself for doing as well as I did the first few days with absolutely no training and only little knowledge. 

So after my little slip up with that table the owner (who loves me btw) switched me to just doing lunch (which is just basically sandwiches and salads) and it’s a much less complicated menu. I’ve had a few bigger tables and they’ve gone smoothly. The first like 2 days after the table mess everyone was helping me out, giving me tips and helping me learn but still not fully training me and the owner always asks me if I’m okay or if I need any help with anything, she’s got my back even though she’s busy a lot of the time, bless her.

I’m getting stronger as a server every day I work. I learn fast and I can usually get the hang of things pretty easily. Which is a good thing. And I think I recall the owner telling me to just tell her whenever I think I’m ready for more hours or something like that. I think she meant like putting me back on dinner as well as lunch sometimes? idk. My brain is a little overloaded and it’s hard to retain all the things.

But anyways, the actual point of this post and why I started it.

The other day I was working and when the “lunch rush” died down they cut me because they didn’t need so many servers working. Earlier in my shift the other owner told me to come see him after my shift was done (he wasn’t there when I ended up finishing) but then I talked to the owner and she had me come out back with her and she said something like “we’re gonna put you on/have you host” and I don’t remember what she said after that, I wish I remembered because like… idk if I’m just covering for the girl that either left or was fired or they’re just having me host for whatever other random reason? my insecurities want me to think that they’re doing this because I wasn’t a good enough server or something stupid. Or maybe they just want me to earn more money because they’ve said that quite a few times because I wasn’t making very much in tips because I wasn’t really getting a lot of tables. Idk idk idk. 

I try not to let my insecurities get to me, it’s hard sometimes.

Like when Frank (the owner) caught my attention mid shift to tell me to come see him after I was done working my first thought was “am I in trouble? did I do something wrong?” and I was like no it’s probably nothing, maybe it’s about the credit tips or something and so I just put the bad thought out of my head. I don’t know if he wanted the same thing that Kelli (the other owner) talked about? I mean I’m assuming so. idk. I have so many questions. but it’s whatever. I just hope the 2 days I’m working as a host (so far. idk the rest of my schedule or if i’m going to be a server or a host but tbh I don’t really care either way, I just want to work in a restaurant and I like this one, I love the owners and they love me ;-; )but I just hope that if I’m gonna work as a host those days that I’ll like get another number to clock in with as a host like this other girl does and I hope that I get paid at least fucking minimum wage hourly instead of 2 fucking dollars a hour that I get paid as a server. Because when everyone was doing paperwork for taxes and whatever, the meet and greet thing idk what it was but it was before the place opened and they never discussed (not even in the interview which idk. mine was different bc I didn’t fill out an application bc they didn’t have anymore so kelli just kinda interviewed me) but they never talked about what we would be paid but I mean I assumed from what my first job was that like the servers there I’d be paid like $2 or something close hourly because servers make tips (but when you don’t really get many tips it isn’t really worth it) but as a host at my first job I was paid like $7.25 or $8 an hour plus i got tipped out. IDK IDK IDK I just need to shut up and post this and sleep because I’ve gotta work as a host at 11:30am in the morning and it’s 4:30am wow I’ve been typing for 30 minutes. LOL and listening to Justin Bieber’s new song 2U for 30 minutes straight. I love it. Anyways. That’s all I’m gonna rant about for now. I could go on more but I need to sleep even though I’m not really tired and yeah but whatever, I’ve gotta be an adult and try to sleep so goodnight. P.s: bless anyone who actually reads all that rambling. ily

[transtarks]

someone asked me for the tea so i’m sorry to everyone who doesn’t care bc this is gonna be a long post

miss wilhoft was a living nightmare. teacher from the black lagoon type shit. this woman was a creative writing teacher and she was composed entirely of clay and gray matter, was probably alive during the ottoman empire, and sagged so much i couldn’t believe the devil hadn’t gotten a hold of her yet. she talked like a sloth on too much vicodin.

when i was in her class my sophomore year, we had to write a short story and i, being the young queer kid that i was, made several of my characters Not Straight. she docked points off my story for being too unrealistic and asked me point blank why there had to be so many gay people. i asked her why she didn’t dock john for having too many dragons in his story. she gave me half the docked points back.

at the end of that year, we had to rewrite and revise those stories as our final. she gave us a minimum page count and NO maximum. i kept all my characters the same as they were and made the story longer; 11 pages, to be exact. i posted it on fictionpress for my boyfriend to read since i didn’t have google docs at the time. she accused me of plagarizing because she found the story online, so she made me log into my fictionpress account to prove that it was mine. i later found out that one of my friends in her other class had done the same thing as me (ie. posted their shit online for their friend to read) and they hadn’t gotten pulled aside for it, so she straight up ONLY double checked ME for plagarization. she then gave me a C- because—get this—THE STORY WAS TOO LONG.

she did not give a maximum length. her excuse was to tell me that she felt like i was more advanced than everyone else in class and that i’d be more comfortable in creative writing II. i got docked points for being ahead of the game. for doing more work than the rest of the class.

after that disaster year i told myself i wasn’t going to even TOUCH the idea of joining her creative writing II class but whaddya know, i was frothing at the mouth and out for blood and i wanted to kick her ass so i took it. me and another girl were the only II students in a class full of I’s. it was The Nightmare Scenario. i had no idea what i was supposed to be doing 99% of the time because she didn’t make it clear.

at one point we had to write poems on someone we loved. i wrote mine about my friend jay, who used they/them pronouns, and she gave me it back with points docked for incorrect pronouns and changed all of them to he/him HERSELF. i went up to her and asked her what made her think the person in the poem was a guy since jay is a gender neutral name. she did not have an answer. i then had to explain to her why they/them pronouns are in fact grammatically correct when used in singular context and even if they weren’t, the person matters more than the grammar. google proved me right and i got my points back.

this final bit is my favorite part. every year on MLK day, the downtown area where i live has a protest march through town that ends at a performing arts center called the shack. before the march, the shack holds a contest for people of different age groups to submit their protest art whether it be visual art or poetry or music. they’re showcased at the end of the march.

miss wilhoft, my junior year in CWII, gave us an assignment to write protest songs and told us that we didn’t have to submit them to the contest, but if we did and someone from the class won, then she’d buy us all pizza and we’d have a movie day. i knew she didn’t actually expect any of us to even try. but i’d been writing my own songs for the ukulele already so i had some experience and i wrote a kick ass song, and procrastinated on submitting it until 10 minutes after the deadline for submissions. i got an email back the next day that i had won.

my petty ass marched into class the next day with that email printed out and i slapped that shit down on her desk and looked her right in the eye and told her, “i do believe you owe us couple pizzas.”

and this! woman! this SHITHEAD didn’t believe me. she thought i fabricated or photoshopped an email to make it look like i won. especially considering i didn’t even get 100% on the song in her class because she didn’t actually know shit about song composition and didn’t like that it didn’t have a classic traditional bridge. so she made me log into my email on her computer and pull up the email for proof. we got our pizza and our movie and i have never felt more powerful than i did in the moment where she begrudgingly told the class that i, oliver cox, had won them a pizza party with my sick ass protest song.

rot in hell, miss wilhoft, you will not be missed.

my old creative writing teacher doesn’t work at the high school anymore thank CHRIST my sister won’t have to worry about getting her