#bc it just makes me feel some type of way
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rosemariiaa Ā· 21 hours ago
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~The Party & The After Party~
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š™šā€” pairing: Paige x Azzi
š™šā€” rosieā€™s note: why hello there..yes rosie wrote pazzi smut kill me this is the first and last okay itā€™s not that much bc iā€™m testing the waters, basically inspired by the song in the tile by the weeknd, happy reading lovelies šŸ’Œ
š™šā€” themes: language, sexual content (public sex?), jealous p and az
š™šā€” taglist: @thaatdigitaldiary @bueckersbitch @makethemhoesmad @imaginespazzi @ashortyluvsports @absolutelydreadful @elliesglock @azzibuckets @sierrale8ne @ldapper
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The music pulses through the air, heavy and slow, pressing against Azziā€™s skin like the heat of too many bodies packed into one space. Itā€™s not really her sceneā€”never has beenā€”but Paige had convinced her to come, her voice coaxing, her fingers tracing slow, persuasive circles against Azziā€™s wrist. Come with me, baby. Just for a little bit. I wanna show you off. She begged.
Azzi had rolled her eyes, but sheā€™d come anyway. She always does.
Now, Paige is standing in front of her, still close enough that Azzi can feel the warmth of her body even through the buzz of the room. Paigeā€™s fingers slip under the hem of Azziā€™s top, just for a second, a quick brush against her skin before she pulls away.
ā€œIā€™ma go talk to Lyss and Dijonai,ā€ Paige says, leaning in so Azzi can hear her over the music. ā€œIā€™ll bring us back some drinks, kay?ā€
Azzi nods, already missing the feeling of Paigeā€™s body, the way she makes all of thisā€”the lights, the noise, the peopleā€”easier to deal with. Paigeā€™s gaze flickers over her, something soft beneath the smirk she always wears.
ā€œYou good?ā€
Azzi huffs, nudging Paige with her elbow. ā€œGo already.ā€
Paige grins, her fingers grazing Azziā€™s wrist one last time before she disappears into the crowd. Azzi exhales, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, suddenly hyperaware of how many people are around her, how many unfamiliar faces blur together under the neon glow.
She lets her eyes follow Paige for a moment, watching the way she movesā€”easy, fluid, like she belongs here. Sheā€™s already talking to her teammates, her hands gesturing as she laughs at something one of them said. Azzi lets herself relax. She can wait.
And thenā€”
ā€œDidnā€™t take you for the type to come to these things.ā€
The voice is smooth, edged with amusement, and when Azzi turns, thereā€™s a woman standing too closeā€”tall, brunette, unfamiliar.
Azzi straightens, her shoulders tensing before she can help it. ā€œIā€™m not.ā€
The woman smiles. ā€œThen why are you here all alone?ā€
Azzi shifts her gaze, scanning the room for Paige. Sheā€™s about to tell this girl that sheā€™s not alone, that her girlfriend will be back any second, but when she finds Paige, sheā€™s laughing.
With someone else.
A worker, by the looks of it. Some girl in a black T-shirt, grinning too hard at something Paige just showed her on her phone. And Paige is eating it up, laughing just as much, her head tilting back, her hand brushing against the workerā€™s shoulder like itā€™s nothing.
What the fuck?
Azziā€™s stomach tightens, instinct curling in her chest, but she swallows it down before it can become anything sharp. Sheā€™s not doing this. Not here.
So she breathes in. Exhales.
And then she turns back to the girl in front of her, schooling her expression into something lighter.
ā€œYou never answered my question,ā€ the brunette says, tilting her head. ā€œWhy are you here?ā€
Azzi lifts a shoulder, gaze flickering down for just a second before she meets the girlā€™s eyes again. ā€œWhy are you?ā€
The brunette smiles, slow and knowing, and extends her hand. ā€œNameā€™ Sophia. I play for the Aces.ā€
Azzi takes her hand, brief and firm. ā€œAzzi.ā€
ā€œI know,ā€ Sophia says, her grip lingering just a second too long before she lets go. ā€œIā€™ve seen you play.ā€
Azzi hums, noncommittal, before letting her gaze slide past Sophiaā€™s shoulder, back to where Paige isā€”
Watching.
Their eyes meet across the room, and Azzi can tell, instantly, that Paige has seen everything. The way Sophia leaned in just slightly. The way Azzi hadnā€™t immediately shut it down.
But instead of coming over, instead of pulling her usual hey, baby and wrapping an arm around Azziā€™s waist, Paige smirks.
And then she pulls out her phone.
Azzi barely has time to process what that means before her own phone buzzes in her pocket. Her fingers hover over her phone as Sophia walks away to go get them drinks, her sneakers squeaking against the polished floor, disappearing into the crowd. Azzi exhaled slowly, the weight of the charade pressing against her chest. She glanced over to the other side of the room, where Paige was still leaning casually against the counter, her grin wide as the worker she was talking to laughed at something Azzi couldnā€™t hear. Paige didnā€™t look tense. Didnā€™t look bothered. Just relaxed, like she had the whole night ahead of her to charm whoever was in front of her.
But Azzi knew Paige better than that. The way Paige tilted her head ever so slightly, her eyes flickering back to Azzi even while she smiledā€”it wasnā€™t nothing. Paige was watching her. Testing her.
Azzi bit her lip and unlocked her phone.
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Azzi couldnā€™t help the laugh that bubbled out of her chest this time. It was quick and soft, but it felt good. She slipped her phone back into her pocket just as Sophia reappeared, two drinks in hand and a bright smile plastered across her pale face.
ā€œMiss me?ā€ Sophia asked, stepping closer and offering Azzi one of the glasses.
Azzi took it with a polite nod, her eyes flickering back to Paige one last time. Paige was watching again,no surprise, her head tilted, her expression unreadable except for the faint smirk playing on her lips.
Azzi met her gaze evenly, raising the glass just slightly in a silent toast before turning back to Sophia.
ā€œNot for long,ā€ Azzi said smoothly, her voice steady as she let the weight of Paigeā€™s stare roll off her shoulders. She took a sip of the drink and smiled at Sophia, keeping her expression just warm enough to keep the game going.
If Paige wanted to play games, Azzi could play too.
Sophia stepped in closer to Azzi, the faint scent of her perfume lingering in the space between them. Her voice dropped as she leaned toward Azziā€™s ear, her hand brushing lightly against Azziā€™s arm. ā€œYā€™know,ā€ Sophia murmured, ā€œI donā€™t usually do this, butā€”ā€
Before she could finish, a firm tap on her shoulder interrupted the moment.
Sophia turned around, a touch of irritation flashing across her face as she asked, ā€œYeah?ā€
Standing there, towering over her by a good two inches, was Paige. The confidence in her stance and the sharpness in her eyes made it clear she wasnā€™t here for the bs. Paige didnā€™t say anything at firstā€”just raised her eyebrow before muttering, ā€œExcuse me,ā€ and deliberately bumped past Sophia, sliding between her and Azzi.
Her hand found Azziā€™s waist like it was second nature, her fingers pressing possessively into the fabric of her shorts. She leaned in close, her voice low but teasing as she asked, ā€œYou miss me?ā€
Azzi sighed, rolling her eyes and taking a sip of her drink. ā€œNot particularly,ā€ she muttered, but she didnā€™t move Paigeā€™s hand.
Behind Paige, Sophiaā€™s eyes widened in surprise. She stood there for a moment, clearly trying to piece together what was happening. ā€œWait,ā€ she said, looking directly at Azzi. ā€œI thought you were here alone?ā€
Paige sighed dramatically, turning around with an exaggerated eye roll. ā€œDamn,ā€ she said, her tone thick with sarcasm. ā€œYou still here?ā€
Sophiaā€™s mouth opened as if she was about to argue, but before she could get a word out, Paige cut her off smoothly. ā€œLook, itā€™s obvious sheā€™s not here alone. So why donā€™t you go ahead and find someone else to bother, yeah?ā€
There was a beat of silence before Sophiaā€™s face flushed with a mix of embarrassment and annoyance. She glanced at Azzi one last time, waiting for her to say something, but Azzi simply raised an eyebrow, silently sipping her drink. Defeated, Sophia muttered something under her breath and walked away.
Once she was gone, Azzi finally turned to Paige, brushing her hands off her waist. ā€œWhatā€™d you make my friend leave for?ā€
Paige scoffed, crossing her arms as she looked down at Azzi. ā€œYo friend? You ainā€™t want her to stay. Cā€™mon now.ā€
ā€œWhatever,ā€ Azzi mumbled, shaking her head. ā€œDonā€™t you have somewhere to be?ā€
Paigeā€™s lips curled into a mock pout as she stepped closer, pulling Azzi back in by her waist. ā€œAw, you seem jealous, baby,ā€ she teased, her voice dropping into a playful drawl. ā€œWas it ā€˜cus I was talking to her?ā€
ā€œFuck off, Paige,ā€ Azzi shot back, trying to sound annoyed, but the faint blush creeping up her neck betrayed her.
Paige tilted her head, her grin widening. ā€œBaby, I wasnā€™t even doing anything.ā€
Azzi scoffed, setting her drink down on the table nearby. ā€œYeah? Sure didnā€™t look like it. You were having a grand ole time, laughing your ass off.ā€
Paigeā€™s grin softened into something more genuine as she leaned back slightly, her hands still firmly on Azziā€™s waist. ā€œOh, that?ā€ she said, her tone almost amused. ā€œYou mean when me and the bartender were talking about you?ā€
Azzi frowned, her confusion flickering across her face. ā€œWhat?ā€
Paige chuckled, clearly enjoying herself. ā€œSheā€™s a fan, Azzi. She got so excited when she realized who you were. Said sheā€™d been waiting all night to make a drink for the Azzi Fudd.ā€
Azzi blinked, her annoyance faltering. ā€œWhat?ā€ she repeated, quieter this time.
Paigeā€™s smile turned softer as she continued, ā€œShe even showed me this old picture she had of you two as kids, yā€™all went to the same school I guess. You both had chocolate all over your faces. I couldnā€™t stop laughing, so I showed her one of mine from back then. It turned into a whole thing which kinda made me forget about our drinks.ā€
Azzi rubbed her face with her hands, a groan slipping out as guilt settled in her chest. ā€œoh,ā€ she muttered, dropping her hands to look up at Paige. ā€œIā€™m sorry. I shouldnā€™t haveā€”ā€
ā€œYeah, you shouldnā€™t have,ā€ Paige interrupted, but there was no bite to her words. She pulled Azzi closer. Now their chests were pressed together, and Paige leaned down, her lips brushing Azziā€™s ear as she whispered, ā€œYou know I donā€™t want anyone else but you, princess.ā€
Azziā€™s breath hitched, her heart hammering against her ribs. Paige was so close, her breath carrying the faint scent of mint and Shirley Temple, her Dior cologne wrapping around Azzi like a second skin.
Paige leaned back just enough to meet Azziā€™s eyes, her voice low and deliberate. ā€œI think Iā€™ve made that clear, havenā€™t I?ā€
Azzi couldnā€™t do anything but nod, her hands instinctively gripping the front of Paigeā€™s shirt for balance.
The corner of Paigeā€™s mouth quirked up, her confidence radiating as she murmured, ā€œGood.ā€
Azzi swallowed hard, trying to pull herself together. ā€œLetā€™s go,ā€ she said suddenly, her voice firmer than she expected.
Paige tilted her head, her grin turning mischievous. ā€œGo where?ā€
ā€œTo the car,ā€ Azzi replied, already pulling Paigeā€™s hand to lead the way.
Paige followed without hesitation, the smirk never leaving her face as she let Azzi guide her.
ā€”
Azzi didnā€™t let go of Paigeā€™s hand as they made their way through the crowd, her grip firm. She walked ahead, her pace steady, but there was an urgency in the way her fingers tightened around Paigeā€™s. Paige followed with a smirk tugging at her lips, watching Azziā€™s determination from behind, her ponytail swaying with each step.
When they reached the car, Azzi made her way to the passenger side, her hand still in Paigeā€™s. Paige started to move ahead, her free hand reaching for the door handle. ā€œHere, I got itā€”ā€
Before Paige could finish, Azzi spun her around, pinning her back against the car with surprising strength. The cool metal pressed against Paigeā€™s back, but the heat of Azziā€™s body in front of her erased it immediately.
Azzi didnā€™t waste a second. Her lips crashed onto Paigeā€™s, her hands gripping the blondeā€™s hips as if anchoring herself. Paigeā€™s initial surprise melted into something far more eager as she let out a quiet sigh, her hands instinctively finding their way to Azziā€™s waist.
Azzi deepened the kiss, her fingers sliding to the back of Paigeā€™s neck, pulling her closer as her tongue brushed against Paigeā€™s lower lip before slipping into her mouth. Paige groaned into the kiss, her fingers tightening on Azziā€™s hips before sliding lower.
ā€œDamn,ā€ Paige mumbled against Azziā€™s lips, her voice slightly breathless. Her hands gripped the curve of Azziā€™s ass through her shorts, and Azzi gasped softly in response, her breath hitching before muttering, ā€œFuck.ā€
Paige chuckled against her mouth, her fingers pressing more firmly as she whispered, ā€œWhatā€™s that, princess?ā€
Azzi didnā€™t answer, too caught up in the way Paigeā€™s soft lips moved against hers. Her voice came out as a broken mumble between kisses, ā€œPā€¦need you,ā€ her words trailing off as her teeth grazed Paigeā€™s bottom lip, her tongue following close behind.
She broke the kiss, her breath heavy as she looked up at Paige, lips swollen and slightly parted. Paige smirked, the glint in her eye making Azziā€™s heart pound harder and her core wetter. The blonde leaned in, brushing her lips against Azziā€™s ear, her voice low and teasing.
ā€œTell me, princess,ā€ Paige murmured, her hand still gripping Azziā€™s waist, keeping her firmly against the car. ā€œHow bad do you need it?ā€
Azzi swallowed hard, her hands trembling slightly as they rested on Paigeā€™s shoulders. Her big, doe-like eyes met Paigeā€™s, her teeth sinking into her bottom lip before she answered softly, ā€œSo bad.ā€
Paige licked her lips, the corners of her mouth curling into a wicked smile as she tilted her head. ā€œYeah?ā€ she teased, her voice dripping with control. ā€œLemme make sure.ā€
Azziā€™s brows furrowed in confusion, her breath hitching as Paigeā€™s hand slid from her ass to the front of her shorts. Paigeā€™s fingers unbuttoned them, slipping beneath the waistband and pushing past the thin fabric of Azziā€™s underwear.
The moment Paigeā€™s fingers brushed against her, Azziā€™s eyes widened, a soft gasp leaving her lips. She instinctively pressed her forehead to Paigeā€™s shoulder, her entire body shivering as the blondeā€™s fingers explored her slick heat.
ā€œFuck..,ā€ Paige muttered, her lips brushing against Azziā€™s temple as her hand moved slowly. ā€œYouā€™re so wet.ā€ Her voice was low and heavy, sending a shiver down Azziā€™s spine. ā€œWhyā€™s that, huh?ā€
Azzi let out a shaky breath, gripping the back of Paigeā€™s shirt as if to steady herself. ā€œBecause of you,ā€ she mumbled, her voice breaking slightly as she fought to keep her composure. Paige tilted her head, her smirk deepening as she pressed her palm more firmly against Azziā€™s clit, making the brunette gasp sharply. Paigeā€™s voice was low, her breath tickling Azziā€™s ear as she asked, ā€œWho?ā€
Azziā€™s fingers curled tighter around the fabric of Paigeā€™s shirt, her chest rising and falling with each shaky breath. She tried to speak, but her voice caught in her throat, her lips trembling.
ā€œP-Paige,ā€ she finally stuttered, her voice barely above a whisper. ā€œFuckā€¦ P-please, I need it.ā€
Paigeā€™s smirk only grew, the sound of Azziā€™s desperate plea sending a rush of heat through her. Without saying a word, Paige slid Azziā€™s underwear to the side, her fingers finally feeling her completely.
ā€œShit,ā€ Paige groaned, her head dropping slightly as she leaned closer. The slickness she felt against her fingers made her chest tighten, and she couldnā€™t help but let out a low, satisfied moan. ā€œGod, baby,ā€ she muttered against Azziā€™s lips, the words barely audible as she pressed a searing kiss to her mouth.
Azzi whimpered into the kiss, her hands sliding up to grip the back of Paigeā€™s neck, holding her closer as her knees threatened to give out. Paige didnā€™t hesitate to deepen the kiss, groaning again as Azziā€™s hips shifted slightly against her hand.
ā€œYouā€™re so fucking wet,ā€ Paige murmured against her lips, her voice dripping with both desire and satisfaction. ā€œAll for me, huh?ā€
Azzi could only nod frantically, her breath hitching as Paigeā€™s fingers moved in tight circles on her, each touch igniting a fire that spread through her entire body. ā€œOnly for you,ā€ she whispered, her voice breaking, as her eyes fluttered shut. Paige smirked into the kiss as she rubbed azzis clit faster, fingers sliding up and down her wet making Azzi moan into her mouth, her soft sounds vibrating against Paigeā€™s lips and only spurring her on.
Azziā€™s hands gripped Paigeā€™s shoulders tightly, her breathing uneven as she tried to form words. ā€œP-Paige,ā€ she gasped, her voice shaky. ā€œW-what if someone c-comes out?ā€
Paige chuckled lowly, brushing her lips against Azziā€™s ear as she whispered, ā€œDonā€™t worry about that, baby. No oneā€™s coming. Justā€¦ fuckā€”ā€ she groaned, moving her fingers faster and Azzi closer, the heat and wetness making her head spin. ā€œYou feel so fucking good.ā€
Azzi whimpered, her head falling forward onto Paigeā€™s shoulder as her legs wavered. But Paige wasnā€™t about to let her go anywhere. Her other hand gripped Azziā€™s waist firmly, keeping her pressed against the car as she dipped two fingers deep inside her without warning.
Azzi gasped sharply, her head snapping back as her lips parted in a soft cry. ā€œOh my god,ā€ she whispered, her nails digging into Paigeā€™s shirt as her body shuddered against her.
Paigeā€™s lips curled into a satisfied smile as she watched Azziā€™s reaction, her own breath hitching as she felt how tightly Azzi gripped her fingers. ā€œThatā€™s it, baby,ā€ she murmured, her voice thick with desire. She leaned closer, brushing her lips along Azziā€™s jaw before whispering, ā€œYouā€™re so tight, fuck. Taking me so good mama.ā€
Azzi tried to respond, but all that escaped her lips was a broken moan as Paige began to move her fingers, slow and oh so deep . Her hips instinctively bucked forward, and she squeezed her eyes shut, overwhelmed by the intensity of Paigeā€™s fingers.
ā€œLook at me,ā€ Paige demanded softly, her free hand tilting Azziā€™s chin up so their eyes met. The intensity in Paigeā€™s gaze made Azziā€™s stomach flip, and her lips quivered as she tried to hold back another moan.
ā€œP-Paige,ā€ Azzi whimpered, her breath hitching again as Paige curled her fingers just right, hitting that same spot Paige was always so good at finding. ā€œF-fuckā€¦ please.ā€
ā€œPlease what?ā€ Paige teased, her voice a low rasp as she leaned in, her lips grazing Azziā€™s. ā€œTell me what you need, princess.ā€
Azziā€™s head tilted back against the car, her lips trembling as she gasped, ā€œNeed to cum.. Please, Iā€”ā€
Paige cut her off with a deep kiss, her fingers moving faster now, her thumb rubbing tight circles on Azzis puffy clit, each motion making Azziā€™s soft cries grow louder despite her attempts to stay quiet. Paige smirked against her lips, knowing Azzi was losing the battle of keeping herself composed. Paige could feel her tightening around her fingers, the brunetteā€™s body trembling against her as her breathing grew uneven. Paige smirked, her lips brushing along Azziā€™s jawline as she whispered, ā€œYouā€™re so close, arenā€™t you, baby?ā€
Azzi whimpered, her nails digging into Paigeā€™s shoulders as her hips rocked forward, chasing the building orgasm. ā€œY-yeah,ā€ she gasped, her voice shaky and breathless.
Paige pressed a kiss just below Azziā€™s ear, her fingers moving faster, deeper, as she tilted her head to murmur, ā€œCā€™mon, Az come on my fingers. Youā€™ve been so goodā€”so damn good. I wanna feel you.ā€
Azzi moaned, the sound desperate and needy as her head fell forward onto Paigeā€™s shoulder. Her thighs trembled, and she could barely hold herself up as Paigeā€™s words pushed her closer to the edge.
ā€œThatā€™s it,ā€ Paige encouraged, her tone low and soothing, though there was a roughness in it that only fueled Azziā€™s need. ā€œYou feel how good youā€™re doing? Iā€™ve got you.ā€
Azzi whimpered again, her grip on Paige tightening as her breathing hitched. ā€œP-Paige,ā€ she stuttered, her voice breaking. ā€œIā€”oh my godā€”Iā€™mā€”ā€
ā€œYā€™gonna come for me, arenā€™t you?ā€ Paige murmured, her breath hot against Azziā€™s skin. She pressed her thumb hard against Azziā€™s clit, rubbing in time with her thrusts as she added, ā€œCome on, baby, give it to meā€
Azziā€™s eyes squeezed shut, and her body went taut as a sharp cry escaped her lips. Her climax washed over her in waves, her hips bucking as Paige held her firmly, coaxing her through it with soft murmurs.
ā€œThere you go,ā€ Paige whispered, slowing her movements but keeping her fingers inside Azzi, riding out every shudder and tremble. ā€œYouā€™re so perfect, baby. So fucking perfect.ā€
Azzi sagged against Paige, her forehead pressed to Paigeā€™s neck as she tried to catch her breath. Her body was still trembling slightly, and she let out a soft, shaky laugh. ā€œYouā€™re too good at that,ā€ she whispered weakly, her voice muffled against Paigeā€™s skin.
Paige chuckled, sliding her hand out gently and holding Azzi close. ā€œI know ,ā€ she countered, pressing a kiss to Azziā€™s temple. ā€œCā€™mon, letā€™s get you in the car before someone really does come out here.ā€
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nayaesworld Ā· 23 hours ago
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Deliver us from Eva
Pairing:Terry Richmond x Eva
Warnings: Drug use (cocaine), smut, love bombing
Summary: In a rush to stake her claim in the bedroom, Eva unknowingly signs a deal with the devilā€¦
A/N: This will be strictly a one shot.(telling myself this bc ik how I amšŸ˜—)
ā€”
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ā€”
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ā€œStuck up boujie bitch that thought she ran the officeā€. Thatā€™s what they all thought about Eva, but if she didnā€™tā€¦who would? They were all dunces and lacked the overall beauty and intelligence that she held and quite frankly she wouldnā€™t apologize for it. Just a bunch of losers who couldnā€™t kiss her ass if it was engulfed in flames. She was just a young hot babe that overly excelled on the job yet they dwelled on the fact that she used work as a fashion show and the hallway as her runway..they simply couldnā€™t take her. But the newest work tea had her interested heavilyā€¦somebody had a crush on her. Well that explained all the little gifts being left on her desks, the bouquet of lilies, the little letters that explained how much they loved her work ethic and especially her radiant beauty. Well at least someone admired her hard workā€¦and she had a feeling who that someone was.
She had noticed his affectionsā€¦but everyone knelt down for her and kissed the ground she walked on. How was she supposed to know the difference? Terry Richmond was exactly Evaā€™s type. Tall and pretty with brains and strong arms that looked like they lifted twice her weight on a daily. His hypnotic puppy dog eyes would flick towards hers during group meetings, cheeks high and mouth upturned with a smile and sheā€™d get suspicious of him and turn away with a roll of her eyes. He could try working that spell on another woman in the office, they were easier than her anyways. The fawning and gossiping made her gag on a daily, he was only ever cordial with the other women in the office and yet they acted as if heā€™d offered up his face as a seat. Pathetic.
But Eva still had an itch inside that needed to be scratched. She wouldnā€™t deny herself pleasure for one second. She wanted to ride that pony right off into the sunset, and she hated him for making her feel that way. If she only had to snag him and use him to get herself off then so be it..men did it all the time. A nice plan was settling in real fine in her head, the brainstorming room was Terry's playground it seemed, he spent more time in there than anyone and it showed. His business proposals for companies looking to work with theirs and diagrams were exceptionally detailed and straight forward. A man about his work. She knew where to find him and reapplied her dark brown lip liner to her plump lips. She sealed it with a clear gloss before puckering her lips and stuffing her compact mirror back into her purse, time to work some magic.
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Terry had heard her coming before he saw her. Heels clicking to a beat so familiar to him that he could hunt her down in a building full of people. He had a thing for snobby pretty bitches, knocking them off their high horses and filling them with dick was his speciality and little miss Eva was his newest obsessionā€¦how fun. His matte black MacBook sat in front of him and he read through important work emails meticulously, a little bit of work before the play. She was getting closer now, just outside the door. Forcing his eyes to stay glued on his laptop screen, he tried to ignore her presence as she sat directly next to him. Notes of raspberry and saffron wafting into his nose. His ears began to ring and his foot tapped quickly underneath the table and she made it all worse by speaking to him in that sultry tone.
ā€œI know your little secret Terry.ā€ He paused his scrolling and arched a brow at her. Ahh so she had been receiving his gifts. Good.
ā€œYou have a crush on me, though I couldnā€™t really blame you.ā€ There it was again, that air of arrogance. He liked that shit.
ā€œDo I now..what makes you so sure?ā€ He turned to her, giving her his full attention now.
Her full lips sat slightly open and her dark silk pressed hair fell around the cleavage that peeked from her blouse. Almond shaped eyes zeroed in on him suspiciously as she let his question sit with her. Fresh gel manicure tapping gently against the table brought his eyes downward where he watched the pretty manicured hand move to its own beat.
ā€œBecause I like you too. Believe me that was hard enough to say so donā€™t give me that look.ā€
ā€œAnd just what do you like about me, Miss Evaā€¦you ignore every other manā€™s advances so why me?ā€
ā€œBecause youā€™re smart and pretty..and I wanna fuck you.ā€ Hmm a bit bolder than heā€™d expected but heā€™d bite.
ā€œYou wanna fuck me or do you wanna get fucked, thereā€™s a difference mama choose wisely.ā€
The chair she sat in rolled closer and he was practically breathing in her whole existence. Her minty breath warm on his forearm as she dropped her hand onto his bicep, stroking against it like a sweet pampered house cat.
ā€œI donā€™t discriminate, Iā€™ll take whatever youā€™re offering and double it.ā€ She was overconfident in her ability to overtake him and that stirred something deep inside him. Women didnā€™t usually challenge him this way and he was teetering on the edge of showing his handā€¦in due time.
Terry knew her type. Overly confident and arrogant to compensate for what she was actually lacking, he had clocked her months ago. Simply watching for an entry point into her head..to infiltrate her mind and body like a parasite. To control her. She had the workings of a good little sex slaveā€¦something to own and degrade. Something to tear down and build back up in his image.
ā€œWhat if Iā€™m not offering anything, what if I just wanna take. You willing to give lil mama?ā€
And willing she was. She had no idea what she was agreeing to..what sheā€™d have to do to be down with him. The dark sinister side of him loved the art of ambush. The ability to play it up and source information about his prey while they stood in front of him. She craved something that he could only feign to give her, and he saw that present in her mind.
Terry didnā€™t know the true extent to his abilities or the origin of them. He assumed that they had been passed down through his bloodline..generation to generation. He knew things about people before they ever told him, he felt those things. Felt their turmoil and longing all around them, how it oozed from their pores like perspiration. And Eva was no different. She was desperate to feel any inkling of what she thought was love from people, underneath the facade she was heavily distraught by the lack of sympathy and kindness in her life. No one truly looked under her hard exterior and analyzed why she acted the way she did, said the things she said. But Terry would give her some justice tonight even if he was the only one that benefited from it.
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Rushed lip locking and the sound of ripped garments filled his bedroom. There was no time to slow down. Not when her aura glowed blue with need and despair and not when his most carnal desires were coming to the forefront. There was wickedness at play there in the room, the lights turned down casting a warm glow over heated melanated skin and a tango of bodies that would frighten the gods. Terry withdrew his hand from her hair, the thick tresses so tightly bound that his knuckles rubbed against her scalp. And like a moth drawn to a flame, his brawny body carried itself to his dresser drawer. His guilty pleasure and the only white bitch that he had ever craved like air in his lungs ā€”coke. It rushed through his senses like a dream, centering him and abusing him all at once.
The mini ziplock rested on the dresser as he snorted his first line of the night. Head thrown back in pure bliss as he felt the instant euphoric rush to his bloodstream. His back was to his dresser as he beckoned her to come to him.
ā€œDo you partake?ā€ A question so simple and yet she stared at him like he had two heads before shaking her head no.
ā€œYou do nowā€¦ youā€™ll love it. Itā€™s everything youā€™ve been missing I promise.ā€ Her compliance meant little to him as he held the line up to her nose.
ā€œNice and slow, there you go.ā€ He swept a thumb under her nose, gripping her chin gently in his hand. He wanted her fluttering around his space like a butterfly fresh from a chrysalis.
Her bare body twirled and wiggled in front of him like his favorite after hours show. Notes of Australian sandalwood and Haitian vetiver filled the space in his room, that intoxicating perfume that relayed signals to his olfactory bulb everyday. When she turned her back to him, hands thrown in the arm, he noticed the tramp stamp on her lower back. Heaven is what it read, but he had plans to take her someplace a little hotter, someplace she couldnā€™t come back from. A great satisfaction it would bring him to take her down so low he would be the only thing grounding her when he was finished with her.
He pulled her buzzing body to his. Naked chest to naked chest. His hands focused her whipping head forcing her to stare into his barren eyes, blown out pupils barely leaving room for the pretty brown he saw on a regular. He wanted all the signs of her snuffed outā€¦aura slowly changing from blue to red. She placed her arms around his waist, lacing them together before she pressed her lips to his. A green light. An ok to wreck this helpless soul.
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His mouth drooled and leaked for what seemed like the thousandth time already. Mustache and goatee drenched with pussy juice, he was getting his protein for the week and then some. Tongue curling around her clit to suckle it roughly while two of his fingers dig into her clenching hole. Her thighs had begun to bruise from his hold on them and the pain she felt from it made her moan and cry out loud. Euphoria wasnā€™t the word to explain what this was. This was splitting her mind in two, throwing her out and stuffing Terry inside. Did he love her? He had too, thatā€™s what he had told her just minutes ago wasn't it? She wasnā€™t hearing things, couldnā€™t be.
ā€œFuck I love you too. Take it.. it wonā€™t matter without you.ā€ She was crying out those words to him, giving him something to hold over her. But what was she offering..,her own life perhaps?
Wild colors burst behind her eyes as she orgasmed again. Legs shaking and quivering in his tight hold, while she let him wipe tears into her hairline. He stood over her hand gripping her throat so tightly that her heart raced in fear that he wouldnā€™t let go.
ā€œLove?Thatā€™s what you need right..what youā€™re missing? Thatā€™s what Iā€™m giving you rightā€¦that feeling you feel right now, thatā€™s the kind of love I offer Eva.ā€
Love? This newfound love made her heart race and beat rapidly in her chest, it squeezed and rattled against her ribcage begging for reprieve from his hold..the hold she felt all over her body. She wanted it tho, people never made her feel anymore, just made her realize how much she wasnā€™t. And when his body came to lay over hers, dick positioned just above her entrance she began to truly see.
ā€œI own you from here on out. Forget your family..they never loved you. Forget your friends..they never offered you any solace. I can bring you that and so much more. If you just let me in.ā€
Her verbal consent unleashed something. And before she could protest in fear he sank deeply into her, and her mouth was caught in a permanent ā€˜oā€™ as he pistoned into her quickly. She cried quietly in his ear as the walls bled around them, her eyes wide in horror. It gushed all around them and she wiped her forehead feeling a drop splash there.
ā€œShh shh, thereā€™s nothing there. Itā€™s the drugs playing tricks on you I swear.ā€ His deep voice cooed into her ear. His reassurance didnā€™t go far.
Her nails sank deep into his back as he bottomed out in her pussy. The lewd notices that came from between them were not even enough to pull her focus from the wall behind them. A pair of yellow reptilian eyes stared at them through the blood and she shrieked in terror pointing at the wall.
ā€œHe wonā€™t bother us baby..he just likes a little show. You donā€™t mind now do you?ā€ The unsettling grin on his face chilled her bones, but the fucking never stopped. He never stopped. Not when the headboard snapped in two, and not when she screamed bloody murder as another orgasm ripped through her body.
She made the mistake of shutting her eyes and when she opened them again she was watching herself and Terry on the bed. Her body stuck to the ceiling in a sort of lucid dream. She saw it all, the way he lifted her body and continued fucking her as he stood facing the wall now and how the Eva on the ground stared right up at her. Terry followed her line of sight and blew kisses up at youā€¦ the real you. Or maybe that was the real you, but how could you be sure. When you raised your hand hers raised too, and when you subconsciously asked her to wink at you she did.
Then came his voice, the lightest whisper in your loud mind. Softly pulling you back into your own body, and when your wet eyes fluttered open again viridian eyes met yours. Your body smelled fresh and clean like you had been bathed and your silky tresses sat wrapped securely under a scarf. Confusion set deep in your features and a pounding migraine to make matters worse, yet answers were all you needed. And like your mind was being read he provided one.
ā€œDeals with the devil are best made soberā€¦shall we try again later?ā€
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@luvrsluxe @slvt4her @rawflwrs @thabiddie23 @blyffe @notapradagurl7 @sk1121-blog1 @dimepiece09 @playgurlxoxo @zillasvilla @23jammy @pocketsizedpanther @kenshisluvrgirl @brattyfics @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @melosliving @bimbosnbutterflies2026 @kirayuki22 @alyssawritcs @becauseimswagman1 @ranikyani @keehendrixx @ovohanna24 @venusincleo @grlsbstshot @yassbishimvintage @avoidthings @simplyzeeka @blowmymbackout @kimuzostar @kumkaniudaku @megamindsecretlair @theereina @keyaho @hotgrlcece @miyuhpapayuh @uzumaki-rebellion
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cloverapple Ā· 3 days ago
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do you have anymore advice? your post helped me so much pls I need more
The Restaurant Analogy For Reality Shifting
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Aghhh I told myself I wasnā€™t going to post anything else, yet here I am XD. Hopefully this is helpful.
You already know how to shift. ā€œOh, but Iā€”ā€ nope. Nope. You already know how to shift. How do I know that? Because shifting is simply the act of becoming aware of your desired reality. And how do you become aware? By focusing, by choosing what you want to become aware of. When your focus and intention are aligned with your DR, youā€™re already shifting.
ā€œBut the symptomsā€”ā€œ
Oh to grab and politely shake you until you realize that ā€œbecoming aware of XYZā€ is merely focusing on that thing, becoming aware of it. Are you laying there focusing on your DR? Congratulations, youā€™ve become aware of your DR.
(Thereā€™s a very popular post on here (that I canā€™t find rn bc Iā€™m rushing as I type this) that states your awareness shifts first and then your senses follow. I cannot stress enough how true that is.)
When you lay down to shift, you donā€™t need to overcomplicate it. Just focus on your DR and allow it to come to you. Let yourself shift. Sure, allowing it might involve slipping into an altered state of consciousness, using methods, counting or affirmingā€”if that feels natural to you in the moment. But ultimately, it comes down to self-trust. Your mind already knows how to shift. Maybe your issue is that you just need to step out of your own way and let it happen. Which in that case:
Deciding to shift is like deciding to go to a restaurant and sitting down.
Choosing your DR is like selecting a meal from the menu.
Letting your subconscious do the work is like trusting the chef in the kitchen to cook your meal.
What happens next? Inevitably, the chef brings out your mealā€”you become aware of your DR.
Now, what NOT to do:
You donā€™t march into the kitchen and grab the ingredients from the chef. You donā€™t argue with them about how theyā€™re making your meal. Your chef, your mind, knows how to cook. You donā€™t pace back and forth from the kitchen to your table, spiraling in doubt, wallowing in self-pity, or crying to everyone in the restaurant about how youā€™ll never get your food and how youā€™re doomed to starve. You donā€™t leave the restaurant altogether. You sit down, relax, and trust the process.
ā€œBut what if my meal takes a year, or two, or even more?ā€
Well, think about itā€”what have you been doing during that time? Have you been running into the kitchen? Losing faith in the chef? Accusing him of not knowing how to cook? Your beliefs shape your reality. What you believeā€”what you truly believeā€”is what manifests.
This even applies to the ā€œrestaurant.ā€ If you believe your meal will take forever, it will. If you believe the chef isnā€™t cooking, they wonā€™t be. If you believe youā€™ll never get your meal, then you probably wonā€™t.
But thatā€™s the beauty of going to the restaurant. No matter how much you doubt, the meal comes eventually. Why else would you have sat down at the restaurant?
And thereā€™s another thing: some meals may take longer, and thatā€™s completely fine. Even if youā€™ve been patiently sitting here waiting for it and itā€™s been taking forever in your mind, thatā€™s completely fine. Let go of this atattchment you have to time.
So what if the meal took a year to reach your table? 2 years? 3 years? 4 years? 5 years? Has all that time passed since youā€™re reading this? Awesome! So why are you still focused on it?
All the time youā€™ve spent shifting, you will get back and more once you start shifting. 2 years? You gain it back. 3 years? Back into your hand it goes. 4 years? There it is again. 5 years? You got it back.
Focus on the now; sit at the restaurant, enjoy the live music, talk to other patrons, flip through the menu and browse because maybe you want to change your meal or try an appetiser.
ā€œChanging the meal (my DR) means itā€™s going to take even longer!ā€
Who told you that? I donā€™t know what kind of cooking you guys are doing IRL, but afaik, if the stove is already on and the pan is warm, searing that stake is going to be just as quick.
ā€œClover, but you just implied that arguing with the chef messes with your meal!ā€
Arguing with the chef (your subconscious) is very different from politely poking your head through the kitchen doors and informing him that you want a different meal.
ā€œBut how do I focus on my DR?ā€
I love this question! When youā€™re sitting at the table, expecting your meal, what are you doing? Youā€™re probably thinking about your foodā€”imagining the flavors, the texture, the sensations of eating it, the satisfaction of finally having it. Thatā€™s how you focus on your DR.
When youā€™re laying there doing your shifting process, think about what it feels like to be in your DR. Use your senses. Imagine the smells, the sounds, the things youā€™d touch, the things youā€™d hear. Visualize, ground yourself, and do what feels natural for you. Thereā€™s no right or wrong way to focusā€”just let yourself become immersed in the idea of your DR and trust itā€™s coming to you.
What you need to do is simple: select your meal, sit down, and know that itā€™s coming. Iā€™m not even telling you to wait for itā€”just know that itā€™s already on its way. The moment you ordered, it became yours. Thatā€™s all there is to it.
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miumura Ā· 20 hours ago
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MY GENIUS LILIIII OH GOSHHH THIS FIC WAS AMAZINGGG šŸ˜–šŸ˜– !! i wrote this reblog with fuzzy feeling by grentperez on loop so.. i was double feeling the lovesick energy over here <3 i havenā€™t read a long fic in a hot minute so this was a great way to get back into it AAAA
and because her writing is soso awesome, i NEEDDD to talk about parts of the fic ( i have a lot of ssā€¦. i was hooked okayā€¦ ) SO SPOILERS AHEAD, PLEASE READ MY GIRLā€™S FIC FIRST ā€” ITā€™S WORTH READING <3
okay this was absolutely CRAZY. MARBLES. ā€œyouā€™ll have to let me kiss you anytimeā€ OKAYYYYYYYY HAN DONGMIN I SEE YOU. YOU SMOOTHHH FREAKER . even had y/n in shock unable to refute his points likeā€¦. oh he knew what he was doing.
he was already having me freaked out at the beginning like why is he fine alreadyā€¦ itā€™s the lili effect helpā€¦.
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THE NECKLACE PART HAD ME GIGGLING!!! lili had graced me with a spoiler of her fic THAT HAD ME EXCITEDDDD so when i located it in the fic and the way she brought up the necklace again AJAKKA IM GIGGLINGGG AGAINNNN AS I TYPE THIS OMGOGM
and not him knowing y/nā€™s favorite thingsā€¦ guysā€¦ GUYSā€¦. choco pie is so bomb guys LILI KNOWS WHATS UPPPPPP AND ANTON PASSING IT??? Like ouhhh taesan URE CRAZYYYY FOR THISSSS ( hot . )
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TAESAN COMING TO THE RESCUEEEE ugh i just love how their rivalry relationship is still like present??? like yes call him stupid ( heā€™s going to be your stupid boyfie ) BECAUSEEE like lili acc incorporated it so well that whenever taesan came back in the picture, it just likeā€¦ so what are we šŸ˜œ like guysā€¦ this made me realize why iā€™m LOWK a sucker for fake dating tropeā€¦
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IS THIS A LEGALLY BLOND REFERENCE šŸ¤žšŸ¤žšŸ¤žšŸ¤ž ( i never watched itā€¦ should iā€¦. )
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DENIAL DENIAL DENIALLLLL had my girl doubting everything when sheā€™s there wearing his jerseyā€¦ this is so real though iā€™d force myself into thinking its all pretend becauseā€¦ THATS LIKE THE ONLY THOUGHT ID HAVE SO I GET HER šŸ˜£
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DARLIGNGGGGG GKILL MEEEEEE LILI WAS SICK FOR THAT OFHTMFKOFVK . YEAH THAT HEART BETTER BE BEATING CAUSE MINES WAS . envisioning taesan going up to her w a big grin on his face AND A HUG AT RHATā€¦ bro iā€™d hit the floor before we could even lock eyes again r u kiddingā€¦.
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WE LOVE WHEN READER STANDS UP FOR HERSELF šŸ™ŒšŸ™Œ like yes know your worth bae !!! CUT THAT MF OFFFFFFFFF
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B B B B B BOYYYYY DONT PLAY W ME RNNNNN ik he was giggling in his head about calling y/n his girlfriendā€¦. trying to keep it smooth while inside heā€™s geeking and is likeā€¦ ā€œthatā€™s my girlfriend šŸ˜šŸ˜šŸ˜šŸ˜ā€ (completely disregarding its fake dating and savoring the moment) BUT AAA THAT WAS CUTE SKKSKSS Yes take my hand.
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HAD ME GAGGEDDDDD. THE WAY MY SMILE GREW WIDER WHEN TAESAN REPLIED TO WHAT HE SAID LIKE GOODNESSS TAESAN PLEASEEEEEE . this is becoming too much to handle Bue lili how did you survive writing this .
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okay now iā€™m going to reach the pic limit on moblie so im going to stop with the pics hereā€¦ MY COMMENTARY DOESNT END HERE!!!!
CONTINUING.
when taesan stepped in whenever anton had his hands on readerā€¦ šŸ˜ like yes protective man GO GET YOUR GFFFFFFF . ā€œdonā€™t touch herā€ okay so stomach flipped over 360 and then did some breakdancing before it went back to its normal state.
hes literally so caring like . like ure giving me snacks ur jersey ur scarf and now a warm drink and heat pack ā€¦? What else does this man unable to give her . heā€™d literally give the whole world . this only solidifies my love for this even more bc
GUYS IM ACC A SUCKER FOR ONE SIDED RIVALSā€¦. so when taesan was the one who really didnā€™t hate y/n I FREAKING CHEERED???? i lablhablahalahaj that. ā€œhow he cant stop himself from falling in love with youā€ PACK IT UPPPP TAESANNNNNOMG HES SUCH A LOVESICK FOOL . the way he describes the way y/n makes him feel its just like. Chefs kiss Quite literally.
like the way it gets harder for taesan to hold everything in and then y/n slowly BUT SURELY feeling the same way is just so UGHHHHHH ā€œwhat ifā€¦ i told you im not too sure i can pretend much longer?ā€ TAESAN SHUTUOPPSUIDUROSIDODKD boy he shouldve just confessed there but lili is like poor edger lord over here and gave us the awk BUT CUTE FEELINGS THAT COME AFTER SAYING THATA AJSJJSJS I labh that.
like yes i need them two completely clueless about what to do next even though the feeling inside them is GNAWING them insideā€¦. and lili delivered on that.
AND THE WAY ANTON KEPT APPEARING LIKE OMG???? BAE ILY BUT U WERE ON IT IN THIS FIC šŸ˜•šŸ˜•šŸ˜•. LET HER GOOOO GEEZ HES SO PERSISTENT. and the way taesan came to rescue her again ( need a taesan ) AND THE WAY HE HELD HIMSELF BACK PLEASEESTOPPPPPP THAT WAS EVILLLL OMG . MR FLIRT OVER HERE PLEASE SPIT IT OUT šŸ«µšŸ«µšŸ«µ
as much as i did not like anton in this fic, iā€™d say he hsd a contribution of getting these baes together and y/n to finally REALIZE REALIZE SHES FALLINGGGG . like the way she slowly starts off noticing things about him to finally BOOM recognizing it all and piecing it togetherā€¦ LIKE I CHEERED ACTUALLY WHEN I SAW ā€œYou like him. You like Han Taesanā€ LIKE YES YOU DOOOO BAEEE šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­
and ANSNDN THEY FINALLY TELL EACH OTHER LIKE UESSSSS YESSSSSS PLEASEEE THIS WAS WHAT I WAS CRAVING FORRRRRRR .
oh gosh the part when yunjin says are theg dating and y/n says ā€œnoā€ while taesan says ā€œyesā€ LIKE UGHHHH IK HE WANTED TO SAY RHAT SO BADLYYTT LIKE FRFR CONFIRM IT. i just love how their teasing aspects of the relationship overall was still there .
LIKE THEY ACTUALLY ARE BOYFIE GIRLFIE!!!!! like ohhh u thought i was done w giving ss ?? NOPE. SAVING BEST FOR LAST .
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THE WAY HE WANTED TO HEAR IT AGAIN AGAIAJSNN AND THEN SAID IT HMSELF / AGREED TO IT. OHHH THIS IS SUCH A WINNNN. THEY LOVE ESCH OTHER!!!!!!!!!
and then taesan adjusting the H.D. pendant for her IH MY GOSHHHH YES LLEASE . its so subtle but reading that had me like wanting to take actual laps . A marathon even . AND THENNN THE WAY HE WAS complimenting her sayinf she looks good everyday like PLUEHAHS .
and the way he remembers like sm about herā€¦. like wdym u still rmbr that šŸ¤­ hes so sweet this is sickening . LIKE HE EVEN REMEMBERED THAT WISH LIKE OKAYYY bro was plotting since the get go.
WHEN THEY FREKAING KISSED OH HMKGODDDDDD a string of curse words flew out of my mouth that i will not be typing here . KIKE YESYEYSYSYS I WAS WAIITNGGFF AND RHATS LIKE SUCH A CUTE WAY TO BRING RHAT UP??? like okay taesan rizzler over here ā€¦
the way he wants that as his wish like please thats ur GIRLFRIEND !!! heā€™s so down bad like sir we see that blush even if u try to play it off . ITS SUCH A NEEDSDDD
WISH GRANTEDDDDD . THAT WAS RHE BEST ENDING I COULDVE EVER GOTTEN MY HEARY IS CONTENT . my heart is filled with taeyn moments i love it so much. lili granted My wish for providing such an amazing fic for us like GOODNESSSS this will be my bedtime story for the time being.
THE END OF MY SUPER LONG REBLOG!! ā™” i feel bad for my girl liliā€¦. but this truly was wonders šŸ˜µā€šŸ’« !!! I AWAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE HEHE ><
怀į…  āœæ怀į…  NOT THAT I CARE OR ANYTHING怀怀ā”€ā”€ā”€ā”€ć€€į…  ( han taesan )
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š“¹recis ā € : ā €your ex, seemingly sweet anton, spreads malicious rumours about you that could potentially ruin your entire academic weapon career, so you have to take desperate measuresš‘‹and that includes a fake-dating contract and the bane of your existence, han taesan.
怀怀怀į…  ķ•œķƒœģ‚° ā €ā €ā—œā—”ā— ā €ā €š’‡ reader ā €wc 13k ā € genre college au fluff angst if you squint one sided rivals to lovers academic weapon x campus crush ā € contains mentions of food vulgar words skinship pet names ā € note iā€™m sorry if this fic is.. all over the place a bit coz,, yea!! but this fic is highly.. self-indulgent.. heheh! and i originally wanted to make this more angsty but iā€™m already sad and single so, No! anyways, enjoy reading ^_^ ā € tagging @a-dream-bookmark ,@/k-labels , @k-nets , @k-films , @sgz-net
怀怀怀į…  ļ¼žļøæ 怀怀please leave feedbacks 怀怀& 怀怀reblog
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ā€œALRIGHT. Letā€™s do it.ā€
As you gaze into Taesanā€™s determined eyes, the entire series of events flashes through your mind.Ā 
It was back in your first year of universityā€”early winter, the day of the first snowfall. You were walking towards the three-floor library, the cold wind stinging your eyes. You rushed inside, grateful for the gush of artificial warm air that greeted you as soon as the doors closed behind you. The library was quite packed for some reason, and you could barely spot any empty seats.
You walked towards the edge of the library, a corner with the largest window of the level. There it wasā€”one of the only empty seats in the entire libraryā€”but that seat was next to a boy, heavily occupied with his studies. Your pace slowed down as you hesitated. The boy had a focused blank look on his face, his headphones on, and several papers and notebooks were scattered on the table around him.
You felt like you wanted to just leave and go back to your room, but remembering how cold it was outside, you decided against it.Ā 
After taking a deep breath, you approached him. With a shaky smile, you tapped the boyā€™s shoulder, muttering a silent prayer.Ā 
ā€œExcuse me,ā€ you said as he lowered his headphones to his neck. ā€œMay I sit here? I-I mean, if itā€™s cool with you..ā€
He simply nodded. ā€œSure.ā€
You had sat down next to the mysterious boy for the entire day, not knowing that, in the present, he would be the bane of your existence.Ā 
In this moment, youā€™re brought back to the present, startled at how youā€™re standing in front of him. The mysterious boy that you had sat next to turned out to be Han ā€œTaesanā€ Dongminā€”KOZ School of Lawā€™s campus crush. Thereā€™s almost nothing ā€œbadā€ that youā€™re heard of him, yet, when you find yourself walking towards him with a fiery determination in your eyesā€”you immediately know that youā€™re about to get hit with something youā€™d never expect.Ā 
ā€œA-are you sure?ā€ you say, surprised to even find yourself stuttering. Youā€™ve held yourself to such a high reputationā€”being your schoolā€™s academic weaponā€”youā€™ve worked hard to keep yourself true to that name.Ā 
Well, to be fair, you didnā€™t expect Taesan to even say yes to your ridiculous planā€”given that all thatā€™s heā€™s ever done for you is say everything that will get on your nerves.
Taesan gives you a smirk. ā€œOf course,ā€ he says, clearing his throat. ā€œBeing the boyfriend of KOZ Academyā€™s academic weapon isnā€™t something you get to do everyday.ā€
The way he presses the emphasis on the word ā€˜boyfriendā€™ makes you flinch. It reminds you of your stupid plan; who in their right mind would offer Han Taesanā€”your rivalā€”a fake dating deal just to make rumours about themselves go away?
ā€œRight,ā€ you roll your eyes. ā€œAnyway, I think we need to enforce some guidelines and boundaries regarding thisā€¦ set-up.ā€
Taesan shoves his hands into his pockets, shifting his weight to let himself stand more comfortably. The smirk still on his face, he replies, ā€œalright. Hit me with all of ā€˜em.ā€
You whip your phone out, quickly showing him a document that you spent an entire night typing outā€”complete with every single thing he needed to do for you.Ā 
ā€œHere,ā€ you say, frustrated at how Taesanā€™s smug smirk just never falters.Ā 
Taesan runs a hand through his hair before leaning down to read through the document displayed on your phone. He finishes reading it quickly, taking a step closer to you after. He doesnā€™t say anything for a while, only to startle you by abruptly saying, ā€œI agree.ā€
ā€œWhatā€“?ā€ you blurt out, surprised once again. You thought that Taesan would be more picky thanā€“Ā 
ā€œYour terms are easy for me to do. However,ā€ you narrow your eyes at the boy whoā€™s towering in front of you. Of course heā€™s pickyā€”heā€™s Taesan. ā€œIā€™d like you to agree to my conditions as well. If I have to do some things for you, youā€™d have to do some things for me too.ā€
You sigh before nodding. How hard could it be? Besides, this whole ā€˜relationshipā€™ youā€™re having with Taesan is merely a fake dating set-up.Ā 
ā€œOkay.ā€
Taesan whips out a full-blown smug smirk, making you roll your eyes. He pushes his glasses up his nose bridge, holding out two fingers.Ā 
ā€œFirst, you have to also put in the effort to make things real. Like, wearing my jersey when I have basketball games, and wearing my initials ā€˜round your neck,ā€ he pushes his middle finger down, the smug grin still plastered on his face, ā€œand secondly, youā€™ll have to let me kiss you anytime.ā€
The moment the word ā€˜kissā€™ escapes his mouth, you choke on thin air.Ā 
Why is my plan backfiring on me?Ā 
ā€œWhat? Noā€“ā€
Taesan shrugs. ā€œBasically, physical contact is allowed to be done anytime.ā€
You feel your face flush, immediately recalling the third condition that you showed Taesan. No physical affection unless needed.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m afraid I canā€™t do thatā€”itā€™s clashing with my third term.ā€
ā€œBut your first term: ā€˜the other party must always do his utmost best to make the relationship seem realā€™ exists, am I right?ā€ Taesan objects relaxedly. ā€œThen, my second term doesnā€™t clash with that. And I also do believe that that first term of yours comes before the rest. Am I right?ā€
You grit your teeth, sucking in a sharp breath. How could you forget? Taesan will always work to have the last wordā€”be that in court or in conversations.Ā 
Plus, heā€™s not entirely wrong.Ā 
Though, youā€™ve never been someone who lets Taesan win willingly.Ā 
ā€œWhatever,ā€ you roll your eyes, your heart twisting in detest at the way Taesanā€™s face lights up with a smirk again.Ā 
ā€œThen, we have a deal?ā€ Taesan asks.Ā 
You stare into his dark brown eyes once again, registering what youā€™re about to commit yourself to. All just to get rid of your ex and the rumour heā€™s pulled you into.Ā 
You hold out your hand, Taesan gladly reciprocating.Ā 
ā€œDeal.ā€
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ļæ½ļæ½ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
IT didnā€™t hit you that youā€™re officially Han Taesanā€™s girlfriend that night. However, the next morning, right after the two of you signed the document at the coffee shop you always study atā€”it hit you like a million bricks from the sky.Ā 
Youā€™re in a ā€œrelationshipā€ with the person you loathed the most for the past year. The exact same man who everyone adores, whoā€™s called the it-boy, the campus crushā€”is now your most ā€œbelovedā€. Freshman you would rather jump off a cliff than to offer her nemesis a fake-dating pact.Ā 
Desperate times call for desperate measures. I guess.Ā 
ā€œHere,ā€ Taesan hands you a velvet boxā€”one that obviously contains jewellery of some sort.Ā 
Of course. Han Taesanā€™s always prepared.Ā 
You let out a deep sigh, knowing whatā€™s inside. Despite that, you ask, ā€œwhatā€™s this?ā€
Taesan gives you a grin, one that you always see him don during the countable times that he beats you in quizzes. ā€œOpen itā€”Iā€™m sure youā€™ll like it.ā€
You run your fingers around the edges of the velvety box, sceptical at Taesanā€™s sudden soft tone. ā€œDonā€™t talk to me like that,ā€ you mutter, loud enough for him to hear.Ā 
Taesan, instead of immediately throwing a scoff in your face, simply leans back into his seat with a chuckle.Ā 
Not waiting for whatever reply heā€™s preparing to throw to you, you open the box. Your eyes lay upon a beautiful, dainty necklace with a ā€œH.Dā€ pendant, nested elegantly in the box. You bite back a gasp, though youā€™re unable to hide your surprise. The silver necklace is one of the most beautiful pieces of jewellery youā€™ve yet to lay your eyes uponā€”itā€™s dainty and simple, yet it screams elegance in the best way possible.Ā 
You look up at Taesan, obviously bug-eyed. ā€œWhat- Iā€™m- thank you?ā€
Taesan throws his head back, laughing. He perches an eyebrow up, clearly amused. ā€œWhat am I supposed to answer? ā€˜Youā€™re welcomeā€™?ā€
Oh. Itā€™s part of his terms.Ā 
You glare at him.Ā 
Not missing a beat, Taesan says with a big grin on his face, ā€œwhat is your lazy ass waiting for? Put it onā€”or do you need me to help with that?ā€
You massage your temples, tempted to stick your tongue out at him, hissing the obvious at himā€”that you do not want to wear his initials around your neck.Ā 
ā€œI donā€™t need your help,ā€ you say between gritted teeth, harshly yanking the necklace from the box. You swiftly clasp the necklace around your neck, secretly surprised that youā€™re able to do so.Ā 
Maintaining a glare, you retort, ā€œIā€™m only wearing this stupid necklace because itā€™s part of your terms.ā€
You throw your gaze elsewhere, Taesan laughing his stomach out in the background. Why is he finding your irritated state so funny?Ā 
The pendant feels cold against your skin, sending tingles. You gulp, feeling odd. You hadnā€™t announced your ā€˜relationshipā€™ to your friends yetā€”but seeing you with Taesanā€™s initials could certainly start rumours.Ā 
A part of you is jumping with triumphā€”your plan is starting to set its course, while another part of you is afraid of it all. What if youā€™re finally not good at something, no matter how much you tryā€”pretending youā€™re in love with your rival, the bane of your existence?
ā€œWeā€™ll start slow,ā€ you hear Taesan say, pulling you back into reality. You quickly morph into your stoic expressionā€”one that you find yourself often putting up around people. ā€œLike everyone else does. Soft launch.ā€
ā€œAh,ā€ you manage, nodding. ā€œSounds good.ā€
ā€œEven though that necklace certainly is a big jump for a soft launch,ā€ Taesan voices, chuckling. His words cause you to narrow your eyes at him, hyper aware of the cold metal against your skinā€”a mark that Taesan managed to place on you.Ā 
Itā€™s all fake, you chant to yourself. Once Anton gets the message, itā€™ll all be over.Ā 
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
THE past few weeks had been a blur. Nothing was out of the ordinaryā€”you attended classes, performed mootings and sent in assignments like usual. Though, only one thing that was out of the routine.
Taesan no longer felt like a thorn to your side.Ā 
You still hate himā€”you despise the way he carries himself, so proud and confident. You wish you could punch his face for the way heā€™s so smooth with his words, the way that his charm works on everyone so well. You absolutely hate the way a handsome idiot like him had the potential to beat you in every single subject if you slacked for even a minute.Ā 
Yet, to the public, heā€™s your boyfriend.Ā 
A cliche: rivals to lovers, they say.Ā 
Despite being the one proposing the whole fake dating plan, you had been the one following Taesanā€™s itinerary so far. The two of you had finally exchanged phone numbers, and at night, Taesan would always send a list of ideas on how to make the soft launch more obvious day by day.Ā 
The first week, you found yourself wearing tops that highlighted the H.D pendant, styling your hair to make it more noticeableā€”you even went as far as attending Taesanā€™s birthday celebration to top the chances of people noticing the pendant. And Taesan didnā€™t inform you of this one, but you often found him telling his friends, yours, or random coursemates to pass you drinks and snacks. You had no idea how Taesan had gotten the list of all your favourite things to munch on, but you secretly did enjoy the free flow of snacks. Anton had passed you a snack from Taesan tooā€”five packs of your favourite Choco Pie. You couldnā€™t forget the bewildered face Anton had as he passed them to you, eyes filled with question and a hint of jealousy.Ā Ā 
ā€œWhatā€™s up with Han?ā€ he asked.
You shoved the Choco Pies into your shoulder bag, biting back a smile. Who wouldnā€™t be jolly after getting five of their favourite tidbits?Ā 
ā€œHow would I know?ā€ you replied bitterly. You quickly turn away from Anton, the uncomfortable feeling of being around him overpowering the bubbly feeling you had from getting snacks.Ā 
ā€œWell, those Choco Pies are from him,ā€ Anton repeated for the second time. ā€œAnd I donā€™t recall him being anything but hostile to you.ā€
You suppress a scoff. ā€œMaybe heā€™s had a change of heart? His brain is probably tired of coming up with things to try and outsmart me,ā€ you muttered. As if.Ā 
ā€œWell, if anythingā€”if that asshole tries to do anything to you, Iā€™llā€¦ be here for you, Y/N,ā€ Anton said, taking a step closer. Your eyes widened and your jaw clenched. You quickly finished packing your bag up, swinging it over your shoulders.Ā 
You said that last time, too.Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t talk to me, Anton,ā€ you responded as monotony as possible before running out of the lecture hall, not giving Anton even a glance.Ā 
The following weeks, Taesan was hanging out with you even more than the previous week. He wasnā€™t being too obvious, but to you, him walking slightly behind you and not throwing a loud sarcastic remark was already an apparent sign that would show everyone that your dynamics had changed.Ā 
Anton had found yet another chance to corner you after a Public International Law lecture. You stayed back in the hall to reread your theoretical essay before sending it in. Behind you, Taesan was packing up his things, busy scrolling through something in his phone.Ā 
ā€œHi, Y/N,ā€ you froze when Antonā€™s voice reached your ear drums.Ā 
You look up at him with a glare. ā€œWhat do you want?ā€
Anton flashed his usual pitiful, soft smile. ā€œNothing. Just a meal with youā€”this week has been quite stressful for you, right? I heard that last Mondayā€™s mooting was rough.ā€
ā€œYouā€™re not even a law student, Anton,ā€ you seethed. The KOZ School of Business student ID card hanging on Antonā€™s neck looked extremely out of place amongst the ocean of law students. ā€œPlease kindly get lost, go back to the Business building.ā€
ā€œMy course mates are boring. Besides, youā€™re more fun to be around,ā€ Anton replied. ā€œI know weā€¦ havenā€™t been on good terms, but give me a chance to fix it all?ā€
You gritted your teeth, your hands beginning to shake.Ā 
The audacity of this boyā€¦ where is my stupid fake boyfriend when I need himā€“?
ā€œI think she clearly said for you to get lost, bud.ā€
You fought back a grin. Finally.Ā 
ā€œHan?ā€ Anton tilted his head. ā€œWaitā€“ who are you to tell me that?ā€
Taesan stood next to you, his backpack dangling from one shoulder. His height towered significantly above you, making you standing right below his shouldersā€”enough to match Anton. ā€œWho do you think I am?ā€
Antonā€™s eyes darted towards the pendant on your dĆ©colletage, his eyes bulging. ā€œWhat theā€¦ā€ you heard him mutter under his breath.Ā 
Taesan seemed to notice this too, and he swiftly pulled you close, wrapping his arm around your shoulders. ā€œSo, get it now? Get lost, Lee, and give your ex some space. An ex is an ex for a reason.ā€
Anton then left with a fuming expression, leaving you in fits of relieved laughter after. You thanked Taesan, who simply responded with a polite smile.Ā 
ā€œBy the end of this, donā€™t forget the wish, yeah?ā€ he said, before walking out of the lecture hall.Ā 
You stood there, blinking profusely. You had completely forgotten the last clause of your agreement with Taesanā€”once you were satisfied with his service, you had to grant him one wish. Anything that he wanted.Ā 
You face palmed yourself. Why didnā€™t you think twice before typing that down? You mentally made a note to yourself to prepare your wallet for the outrageous request that the thorn in your side would make later on.Ā 
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
ā€œARE you and Taesan dating?ā€Ā 
Sophiaā€™s question makes you almost spit your lunch through your nose.Ā 
ā€œWhat?ā€
ā€œGirl, donā€™t you dare pretend not,ā€ Yunjin interrupts, pointing her spoon at you. ā€œYou literally have his initials as a necklace that you never take off! H.D., which means Han Dongmin, right? Isnā€™t that his real name?ā€
ā€œItā€™s not likeā€“ā€
ā€œNo, no. Itā€™s so obvious! Taesanā€™s around you more now, and he even gave you a birthday present!ā€
Sophia smiles, ā€œhe looks at you so differently now!ā€Ā 
Yunjin laughs, nodding. ā€œYeah, yeah, that too, I guess,ā€ she then looks at you, directly in the eyes, ā€œI guess Han Taesan and Y/N L/N have finally begun their lovers era, huh?ā€
You feel your cheeks warming up, and guilt fills your chest. You draw a sharp inhale before telling the girls the full story. And subconsciously, your fingers find the pendant, playing with it.Ā 
ā€œItā€™s fake,ā€ you sigh, ā€œI mean, not the necklaceā€”heā€™s just pretending. Iā€™m pretending, too. None of this isā€¦ real.ā€
Sophia gasps and Yunjin frowns.Ā 
ā€œAre youā€¦ sure? What for?ā€ Sophia asks.
Yunjin nods in agreement. ā€œIā€™ve always thought that dude had feelings for you, but Iā€¦ I didnā€™t realise itā€™s actually wrong and my deductions were totally off.ā€
You scoff, though Yunjinā€™s words left you wondering. ā€œTaesan doesnā€™t like meā€”have you girls seen how he treats me?ā€
ā€œHe treats you well,ā€ Yunjin states plainly, shoving a spoonful of rice into her mouth.Ā 
ā€œNo,ā€ you immediately shake your head, ā€œhe hates seeing me happy! He always finds a way to stick his annoying nose into my life, mocking me. Heā€™s like always, always there to only laugh at my face.ā€Ā 
ā€œThen why did he agree?ā€ Sophia asks.Ā 
ā€œTo what?ā€
ā€œTo fake date you,ā€ she continues, taking a sip of her yakult. ā€œWell, Iā€™m sure you have a planā€”a contract and allā€”donā€™t you?ā€
Your eyes widen. How do these two girls know you so well?Ā 
ā€œYeah. I do. Iā€™m doing all this because of Anton,ā€ the look on your friendsā€™ faces makes you feel a little relieved, ā€œI need him to shut up about me.ā€
You recall the ridiculous rumour youā€™ve heard about you from Yunjin, thatā€™s been going around like crazyā€”the rumour that you used to date Anton because heā€™s rich and that you used him as a bribe to get outstanding grades. Those close to you knew that is and would never become trueā€”yet people are always jealous of others who have certain things better than them.Ā 
It may seem like a small matter to some, but to you, itā€™s a matter of reputation. Your whole image and potentially, your graduation is at risk. What if the rumour reaches some professor and they report you? You couldnā€™t risk the huge amount of money and time you spent, only to be scrapped off the deanā€™s list due to some rumour.Ā 
Yunjin herself had recorded proof of Anton trying to turn her against you, using that rumour. If she hadnā€™t shown you the recording, you wouldnā€™t have believed that sweet, kind Anton was the one who spread those malicious whispers about you.
Now, youā€™ve got to end it all. One way or another.
You continue finishing your lunch, Taesan somehow in mind. By the end of your lunch, youā€™re convinced that this is truly all an actā€”itā€™s nothing real, and in the end, youā€™re both just people who hate each other and use each other for selfish, personal reasons.
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
ā€œDO I really have to wear your ugly varsity jacket?ā€ Dongmin hears you grunt through the call. He stifles a laugh, tossing a ball up and down.Ā 
ā€œObviously, you dimwit,ā€ he replies, ā€œyouā€™re my girlfriend, arenā€™t you?ā€
Dongmin lets himself smile. The word rolls off his tongue like a simple melodyā€”it feels natural for him to say. He finds it odd, yet entertainingā€”your reaction is worth it all. Besides, itā€™s quite refreshing to take a break from hating you, sometimes.Ā 
ā€œBesides, your ex is going to be there,ā€ Dongmin reminds, his voice more throaty than expected. ā€œHeā€™s on the team as well, remember?ā€
ā€œYeah,ā€ he catches your quiet answer.Ā Ā 
ā€œAnyway, how do you even have time for all this?ā€ you question from the other end of the line.Ā 
ā€œHmm,ā€ Dongmin hums, ā€œI do have time.ā€Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t fucking lie to me,ā€ you hiss. ā€œYouā€™re in law school, Han Taesan.ā€
ā€œWhat? Like itā€™s hard?ā€
Dongmin lets out a hearty laugh as he hears you gaspā€”one of the loudest and most genuine expressions heā€™s gotten out of you yet.Ā 
ā€œIā€™m so done with you,ā€ you huff. Dongmin hears you shuffle through your closet, most likely finding something to wear.Ā 
ā€œYou say that everytime,ā€ Dongmin whispers to himself softly.Ā 
ā€œAnyway,ā€ you announce loudly, ā€œyou better have some food for me once I arriveā€”Iā€™m wearing your stupid varsity jacket.ā€
ā€œAlright, sweetheart, anything for you,ā€ Dongmin jests in a sing -song voice.
He hears you yelp in disgust, chuckling. ā€œYuck! Fuck off, Taesan!ā€
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
ITā€™S a friendly match, nothing serious, Taesan had said; yet youā€™re here amongst other significant others, to watch him and his team play against another schoolā€™s team.Ā 
At the bleachers, you feel called out, and insanely out of place. Everyone looks so in loveā€”girlfriends wearing jerseys with their boyfriendsā€™ numbers and names on the back, painted their faces accordingly, and even cheering for them with their hearts; mothers and siblings gathering together to support their sons and brothers.
Everyone looks so genuinely in love, and youā€™re the only one whoā€™s there just because you have to. You arrived only two minutes before the match started, too, because you obviously donā€™t love Taesan enough to be rescheduling your work shift to see him play.
You fidget with the edges of the varsity jacket youā€™re wearing, oddly feeling how itā€™s perfectly oversized on you.Ā 
Earlier, Taesan had spotted you sitting awkwardly on the bleachers. He ran over to you, quickly handing you a quesadilla and a cup of bubble tea, before jogging back to the basketball court to warm up. He didnā€™t say anything, nor did youā€”but the gesture made you feel weirdly fuzzy.Ā 
Taesan did actually get you some food, even though you grumpily yelled at him to do so. You thought he wouldnā€™t, just so that he could get on your nerves, just like he always does.Ā 
You watch him and the team warm up, pumping up positive energy with each other. You take a bite of your quesadilla, trying to ease your heartā€”yet you just canā€™t forget the real reason why youā€™re here.Ā 
Jersey number 35.
The whistle blows, indicating the start of the game, and you catch Antonā€™s glance at you. He gives you a wide smile, winking twiceā€”a sign that he made up, thanking you for coming, just like the old days. You grimace, turning away.
The mission is to make it seem like Iā€™m in love with Taesan.Ā 
You intently watch Taesan play in the arena, his moves sharp and powerful. He slips through the oppositionā€™s defense flawlessly, scoring goals smoothly. Every time he throws the ball, it gets into the hoopā€”people erupt in cheers and heā€™s surrounded by his teammates.Ā 
And every time, Taesan looks up at you, flashing his signature smirk. His grin sparkles, lighting up the roomā€”it makes you feel like youā€™re the only one in the huge arena.Ā 
It makes you feel odd.Ā 
Like thereā€™s so much more under that grin he flashes to you every time he scores.Ā 
You touch the pendant on your dĆ©colletage, the cold metal stinging against your skin. Your fingers trace the lettersā€”the initials of Taesanā€™s birth nameā€”reminding you this is all a set-up. Youā€™re supposed to pretend, and Taesan is pretending too.Ā 
He must be.
Taking a deep breath, you tug the varsity jacket closer to your body, shoving your hands into its pockets. The weight of Taesanā€™s name and number lay heavy on your back, yet you don a bright smileā€”trying your best to show your support for him.Ā 
Right now, youā€™re Han Taesanā€™s girlfriend. Player number 11ā€™s girlfriend.
The match ends with Antonā€™s final goal, and KOZ Academyā€™s team wins 115-113. The entire gym erupts in waves of cheer and heartfelt hugs, every attending person feeling proud of their team, losing or not. You jog down the stairs, heading towards Taesan, whose height stands out in the crowd.Ā 
When you reach the end of the stairs, you notice Antonā€™s gaze on you. You glance at him, the weight of past memories dragging you down. At the end of these exact same stairs, you used to run straight to Anton, engulfing him in a hug after a match. You used to kiss his cheek, congratulating him for a successful game. You used to feel like your entire world revolved around him, and that you would be happy with him.Ā 
But that was in the past. Now, you can look at Anton with nothing in your heart. You feel nothing but plain resentmentā€”damning him for the things he did to you. You had thought he was the love of your life, that youā€™d grow old with himā€”but Anton had other plans, and another girl that he prioritised more than you.Ā 
You turn your head away, directing your gaze towards Taesan. Heā€™s talking to his friends, his hair wet from the sweat. Heā€™s grinning proudly, talking about something thatā€™s interesting to boys.Ā 
You sigh. Hopefully this whole set-up worksā€”Anton leaves you alone, the rumours die down, and you can go back to bashing Taesanā€™s head.Ā 
And hopefully, you can move on, too. Once and for all.
From the corner of your eyes, you see Anton take a step towards you. Though, what you donā€™t see is that Taesan is faster. He waves at you, calling your name with a big grin, before running to give you a hug.Ā 
Your eyes widen upon the impact, and itā€™s like everything is in slow motion.Ā 
Taesan pulls away, ruffling your hair. His eyes crinkle with his grin. ā€œAre you proud of me, darling?ā€
Darling.Ā 
You gulp.Ā 
Thump. Thump. Thump.Ā 
You give him a laugh, trying your best to not make it sound staged. Your nose crinkles at the smell of sweaty boys. Taesan notices, of course, and he chuckles.Ā 
ā€œSorry, I must smell bad. Iā€™ll be sure to spray on some more deodorant next time.ā€
You gaze into Taesanā€™s eyes, his arms still around your waist. Thereā€™s some kind of softness behind his teasing lookā€”something that youā€™ve never seen before.Ā 
A small smile forms on your lips, one that youā€™re unable to hold back. ā€œGood job, Taesan.ā€
ā€œYeah?ā€ Taesan laughs, his eyes forming crescent moons. ā€œThanks, Y/N.ā€
He then leans in to whisper, ā€œthatā€™s the first time Iā€™ve heard that from you.ā€
You push him away, rolling your eyes. ā€œFuck off, Taesan. Iā€™ll be waiting at the bus stop.ā€
Taesan laughs loudly as you stomp away. ā€œBy the way,ā€ he yells, ā€œyou look good wearing my number, sweetheart!ā€
You lower your head, biting your lips to fight two thingsā€”the urge to flash the middle finger to the jolly Taesan behind you, and the weird fluttering feeling that erupts in your stomach every time he calls you ā€˜sweetheartā€™.
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
ā€œY/N,ā€ you turn around, finding a panting Anton in front of you.Ā 
Youā€™re standing in line outside one of the most famous pasta restaurants in the heart of the KOZ School of Medicine square, waiting to buy this one pasta dish youā€™ve been craving for the entire month. You didnā€™t tell anyone youā€™d be hereā€”not even Taesan or the girlsā€”so youā€™re weirded out by the fact that your ex found you here.
ā€œ...Anton,ā€ you curtly acknowledge.Ā 
ā€œIs it true?ā€ he asks.Ā 
You force your eyes close for a second, wishing that it wasnā€™t wrong to beat someone up. ā€œWhat?ā€
ā€œThat youā€™re dating Han Taesan. I saw him kissing your cheek last time.ā€
Your heart almost stops beating for a second. Almost two months have passed, and almost everyone in the entire campus of KOZ Academy knows that you and Taesan are finally getting tired of fighting each otherā€”falling in love instead.Ā 
Your plan has passed the soft launch phase, and now, youā€™re having your nemesis call you sweet, adoring nicknames out in public.Ā 
ā€œYes,ā€ you answer, managing a deadpan expression. ā€œWhat about it?ā€
ā€œDo you love him?ā€Ā 
You narrow your eyes at Anton, feeling like if he keeps on shooting questions like this, heā€™d go home with a black eye. ā€œWhy does it matter if I love him or not?ā€
ā€œBecause,ā€ Anton starts, his voice beginning to waver with every following word, ā€œyou used to love me.ā€
His words hang in the air, thick with a known, cursed history. You could hear your heart stutter for a split second, but you shake your head, quickly suppressing the feeling. You take in a sharp breath, feeling the heat of old anger rise in your chest. You force yourself to look at Anton, eyes hardening.
ā€œThat was two years ago, Anton,ā€ you say, your voice detached. ā€œAnd you made sure to end it, remember?ā€
Antonā€™s face flickers with somethingā€”guilt, regret, maybe even a hint of fearā€”but youā€™re not interested in seeing it. Youā€™re sick of itā€”too familiar with the way he can spin his words to make himself seem like the victim.
ā€œYou donā€™t get to do this,ā€ you continued, lips tightening into a thin line. ā€œYou donā€™t get to just show up and act like we can pick up where we left off, after what you did with Mina."
Antonā€™s face darkens the moment your old best friendā€™s name leaves your mouth, but you hold his gaze without flinching. Anton opens his mouth, probably to throw another lame and poorly explained excuse that youā€™ve heard before, but youā€™re faster than he is.Ā 
ā€œSave it,ā€ you snap. ā€œYou donā€™t have any right to ask me if I love Taesan after what you did. You lost that right the moment you lied to me and slept with her.ā€
Anton looks taken aback, as if he hadnā€™t expected you to bring that up, but obviously, you donā€™t care. Youā€™ve held your feelings in for so longā€”leaving them behind quietly to try and move on without a commotion. Youā€™ve spent enough time letting him walk all over you in the pastā€”youā€™re not about to let him do it again.
For a moment, Anton looks like heā€™s about to say something more, but you donā€™t give him a chance. You turn away, taking a small step back as you glance briefly at the line in front of you. ā€œIā€™m done with this conversation, Anton. You should be, too.ā€
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
THE next morning, after your first class of the day, you sigh as you find yourself waiting outside of a rather packed coffee shopā€”allegedly Taesanā€™s favourite oneā€”bundled up in Taesanā€™s scarf. Autumn is starting to give way to winter, and as itā€™s doing so, the winds and temperatures are getting crazier. You bury your face further into the softness of Taesanā€™s scarf, letting the mixture of champagne orange, passion fruit, and sugar vanilla attack your senses. Itā€™s disturbing, once the fact that the scarf thatā€™s warming you up belongs to Taesan registers in your head; however, you had no choice. Freezing your nose off was the only other option.Ā 
ā€œHey,ā€ you hear Taesanā€™s voice, turning instantly towards him.Ā 
ā€œApple pie latte?ā€ he says, handing you a warm cup of said coffee. Grabbing it from him, you perk your eyebrows up.Ā 
ā€œHow did you know?ā€ you say, pushing the scarf down. Taesan shrugs, sipping his own drink. You glance at the sticker on his cup: cinnamon maple latte.
ā€œInstincts.ā€
You snicker at his reply, rolling your eyes. ā€œCut me some slack.ā€
The two of you then walk back towards the law school complex, where both of your classes will be held next. The winds begin to blow, and you find yourself hiding half your face behind Taesanā€™s scarf. You squint your eyes, blinking harshly as the stray strands of hair sting them.Ā 
ā€œI love autumn, but not this kind,ā€ you mumble.Ā 
Taesan glances at you, and in one swift motion, he grabs your free hand and shoves it into the pocket of his coat. He interlaces his hand with yours, letting his body warmth transfer to you.Ā 
Your eyes widen, your brain slow at processing the situation. You whip your head towards the tall man walking with you, his expression relaxed as ever.Ā 
ā€œWhat are you doing?ā€ you hiss, trying to pull away.Ā 
Taesan gives you a look that yells ā€˜really, Y/N?ā€™. ā€œKeeping you warm?ā€
ā€œI donā€™t need your help,ā€ you retort, yanking your hand away.Ā 
Taesan grabs it back, shoving it into his pocket. This time, his grip on your hand is firmer than before. ā€œI donā€™t need my girlfriend to freeze to deathā€”itā€™s going to ruin my reputation.ā€
Realisation hits you, again, like a ton of bricks right at the face.Ā 
Oh.Ā 
ā€œOkay,ā€ you say quietly, letting him do his thing. You look away, deciding to admire the surrounding golden trees. You take a deep breath, reminding yourself of how this whole ā€˜thingā€™ with Taesan is temporaryā€”and having a personal heat packet isnā€™t too bad.Ā 
Once the two of you reach the lecture hall together, people begin to clearly spectate. You pull your hand away from him, rushing to your usual seat. Taesan, his expression calm as he always is, walks over to his usual seat as wellā€”directly behind you.Ā 
Then, two minutes before the lecture starts, the person you truly hated comes into view, and decides to sit at the empty seat next to you.Ā 
ā€œHi, Y/N,ā€ your ex, Anton, greets you with the biggest smile on his face. You mentally sobā€”already dreading the three hours to come.
You turn away, scooting as far as you could. The memories rush like a flood you canā€™t stopā€”reminding you of the heart-tearing pain the boy sitting next to you caused.Ā 
ā€œY/N? You alright? You look pale,ā€ Anton says, probing further.
ā€œItā€™s the weather,ā€ you reply dully, your lips downturned. You unravel Taesanā€™s scarf from your neck, placing it on your lap. Your eyes fixed onto the lecture, you ignore Antonā€™s attempts to get you conversing with him.Ā 
ā€œY/N, are you free after class?ā€ Anton whispers, twenty minutes into the lecture.Ā 
ā€œNo.ā€ You give him a side glance.
ā€œAnd you donā€™t even take IT,ā€ you fake a smile, ā€œso I donā€™t think you should even be here. With due respect, get lost, yeah?ā€
ā€œIā€™m honoured,ā€ Anton whispers back. The soft smile on his face makes you gag. ā€œYou still remember things about me.ā€
ā€œOh, please,ā€ you grimace, anger beginning to bubble up inside of you. ā€œIā€™d rather make out with Taesan than remember even the tiniest bit ofā€“ā€
You suck in your breath sharply, your cheeks flushing at an alarming rate. You had blurted your words out too fast to even register the fact that youā€™re actually wearing the said personā€™s initials in a necklace ā€˜round your neck.Ā 
ā€œYouā€™d rather what now, sweetheart?ā€Ā 
Hearing Taesanā€™s voice, you can almost see his smug smirk decorating that annoyingly attractive face of his.Ā 
Your eyes widen.Ā 
I did not just admit that.
You turn to Taesan for a moment, flashing him a sheepish smile. You quickly spin back to face the lecture, forcing yourself to focus.Ā 
After the lecture concluded, you find yourself stuck in a sticky situationā€”Anton just canā€™t let you go out.Ā 
ā€œDo you want to go and grab lunch together? Itā€™s pretty late for lunch, and I know your stomach gets upset easily if you donā€™t eat,ā€ you wince upon hearing his soft tone.Ā 
You frown, hating the fact that Anton knows almost a lot of things about you. ā€œNo, Anton, Iā€™m sure I saidā€“ā€
ā€œShe said no, Lee, Iā€™m sure even a stupid motherfucker can understand.ā€
Seeing Antonā€™s eyes almost pop out at the sight of Taesan next to you, youā€™re sure that you look the same. You turn sharply towards Taesan, who has his hand perfectly placed on your back. The look on his face is fierce and scary, like heā€™s about to completely destroy Anton exactly where heā€™s standing.Ā Ā 
ā€œHan,ā€ Anton addresses him curtly. ā€œI didnā€™t know that youā€™re onā€¦ good terms with Y/N.ā€
You fidget with the charm on your dĆ©colletage, collecting every bit of energy you have to maintain a stoic expression.Ā 
Taesan flashes a sly smirk, pride radiating from his eyes as the corners of Antonā€™s lips twitch. ā€œWhy? Is it important to you who Iā€™m close to?ā€
ā€œNo, but given your history with Y/Nā€”I donā€™t want her to get hurt,ā€ Anton blathers, ā€œso Iā€™m gladly asking you toā€“ā€
ā€œWhat? Fuck off?ā€ Taesan scoffs. Your eyes bulge, somehow not expecting Taesanā€™s choice of words to be so vulgar. ā€œI think thatā€™s what youā€™re supposed to do, Lee.ā€
ā€œY/N,ā€ Anton says, desperation vivid in his voice. He grabs your wrist, and you instinctively step back. ā€œCā€™mon, letā€™s go. I know you donā€™t like this stupid asshole hereā€“ā€
Before you could even act, Taesan steps in front of you, shoving Anton to the floor. The students who are still lingering around stop to look. You couldnā€™t hold in your gaspā€”Taesan looks extremely angry, you swear you could see fire in his eyes.Ā 
A thought clicks into your head.Ā 
Taesan is the it-boy, of course heā€™s good at acting.
You take a step back, weirded by the heavy feeling of disappointment that begins to cloud your heart as soon as you remember the arrangement.Ā 
Itā€™s just acting, Y/N. Get it together.Ā 
ā€œDonā€™t touch her, bastard,ā€ you hear Taesan hiss before he turns to you. Anger still lingering around, you watch with silence as Taesan relaxes the tension in his jaw. In a mirroring silence, he gestures for you to follow him out. You nod.
As you turn on your heel, Anton calls out, visibly irritated.Ā 
ā€œY/N,ā€ he says, ā€œwhatā€™s going on?ā€
You give him a mocking smile. You swing Taesanā€™s scarf around your neck. ā€œI donā€™t think I owe you an explanation, Anton.ā€
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
AS you and Taesan walk out of the lecture hall, you canā€™t ignore the heavy weight settling in your chest. It keeps replaying in your mind: the way Taesan stepped in, fiercely protectiveā€”itā€™s all an act, right? You sneak a glance at Taesan, but his face is unreadable, his jaw still slightly clenched from the encounter.
ā€œTaesanā€¦ you didnā€™t have to do that,ā€ you mumble, playing with the hem of his scarf.
Taesan exhales through his nose, his shoulders rising slightly. ā€œI didnā€™t like the way he was looking at you,ā€ he then adds under his breath, ā€œfucking bastard.ā€
You blink, unintentionally slowing your steps. Thatā€™sā€¦ different from what you expected.
ā€œTaesan,ā€ you try again, but he shoves his hands into his pockets, picking up the pace.
You know you should just let it go, but the air between the two of you feels heavier than it was before. Was it just an act? Maybe it wasā€”and that Taesanā€™s acting skills are as good as the rom-com actorsā€”but something about the way he had looked at Anton; like he was seconds away from doing more than just shoving him to the ground.Ā 
It feels tooā€¦ real.
A sudden gust of wind cuts through your coat, making you shiver. Instantly, Taesan grabs your wrist and pulls you into a nearby convenience store.
ā€œSit,ā€ he orders, disappearing for a moment. You watch him move through the aisles, confusion twisting in your chest. You take a seat exactly where he ordered you to, your head fuzzy from the mixture of confusing, unnamed emotions.
When he returns, he kneels slightly, pressing a warm drink and a heat pack into her hands, his fingers lingering just a second too long.
ā€œYouā€™re hopeless,ā€ he murmurs, shaking his head. ā€œFirst my scarf, now this.ā€
You gasp dramatically, rolling your eyes as your lips twitch, your heart knocking against your ribs. ā€œYouā€™re the one who keeps giving me things.ā€
Taesan just hums in response, his gaze locking onto yours. His usual unreadable expression softens, something almost unreadable flickering in his eyes.
Your grip tightens on the cup, trying to shake off the way your body reacts to his warmth. This whole thing with Taesan was supposed to be temporary. So why did it feel like something had changed?
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
DONGMIN takes several deep breaths, his eyes shut. The jazz music plays in the background, and the buzz of the cafe calms him down.Ā 
No wonder Y/N likes this place.Ā 
Dongmin opens his eyes, finding himself staring at you ordering drinks and some food for the two of you. You had dragged him here as soon as you finished your drink at the convenience store, repeating that you needed to treat him to some food. Your voice rings in his head, telling him that he needed to follow you to the coffee shop, to cool off his steam.Ā 
ā€œDo you like apple pie?ā€ you ask, setting a plate of two slices of said dessert, accompanied by two scoops of vanilla ice cream.
ā€œWhy do you even ask if youā€™ve already gotten it? Seems like my preference doesnā€™t matter,ā€ Dongmin replies, putting on the usual smirk.Ā 
Your eyes widen and he chuckles.Ā 
ā€œWell,ā€ you huff, ā€œI like apple pieā€”and itā€™s impossible to find someone who doesnā€™t.ā€
ā€œAlright,ā€ Dongmin laughs, and it hits. His laughter dies down as the realisation sinks inā€”watching you devour your slice of apple pie like itā€™s the only food youā€™ll eat until the end of time.Ā 
Dongmin, as he puts a bite of his food into his mouth, realises how messed up he is. He realises how often a hearty laugh escapes him when heā€™s with youā€”how a flustered, frustrated mess you make him.Ā 
ā€œWhy are you being nice to me?ā€ Dongmin asks. He pokes his fork absentmindedly into the crust of the apple pie, second guessing his question the moment it leaves him.Ā 
You and he had always, always been rivalsā€”a pair thatā€™s never meant to get along. Heā€™d always find you muttering curses and throwing glares in his direction; and heā€™d always find himself trying his best to reciprocate your disdain for him.Ā 
Dongmin does hate you, too.Ā 
He hates how youā€™re so confident, so diligent, so talented. He despises how hard you work, how determined you are, how you seem to always effortlessly bring him down and defeat him in academics. He feels the most intense dislike for youā€”whenever you walk in the room, he feels like the world is about to explode, along with his sanity.Ā 
Dongmin hates, with a burning passion, how he canā€™t stop himself from falling in love with you. He absolutely loathes the way you smile, the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh, and the way you look at himā€”with such fiery determination thatā€™s enough to knock him off his feet. He completely hates the way that he has to keep his tongue sharp, and his attitude insufferable, for you to give him a sliver of your attention. He perfectly hates the way itā€™s impossible for him to let you know that he doesnā€™t hate you, at all.Ā 
Dongmin watches you open your mouth to reply, yet you donā€™t for a few moments. You return his gaze, uncertainty playing around in her eyes.Ā 
ā€œWhat do you mean?ā€ you ask, tilting your head in confusion. ā€œWeā€™re just eating apple pie, Taesan,ā€ you laugh sheepishly.Ā 
For the first time, Dongmin doesnā€™t have an immediate answer. He swallows the bite of apple pie in his mouth, unsure of what he should say next. His smirk fades and hesitation engulfs him.
You notice this, of course, and your frown deepens. Though, before you could do anything, Jaehyunā€”Dongminā€™s friend, suddenly appears.
He greets Dongmin, patting his shoulder. ā€œYo, Taesan, long time no see! Waitā€“ā€ he pauses, laying his eyes on you. ā€œWait, am I dreaming? You two? Sitting together? Laughing? Are pigs flying now?ā€
You immediately shake your head, laughing along with Jaehyun. Dongmin, on the other hand, is dazed. He stays silent, still unsure of what to say. Heā€™s finding everything peculiarā€”the way heā€™s unable to say anything, the way that his heart is thumping loudly against his chest at the mention of you as his girlfriend.Ā 
He watches you politely say goodbye to Jaehyun, gaining certainty with every beat of his heart.Ā 
His little crush on you is resurfacing, after two years of pushing it down with faked hatred.Ā 
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
AFTER Jaehyun leaves, you let yourself sneak a glance at Taesan, whoā€™s absentmindedly poking holes in his already destroyed pie crust, avoiding your gaze. You notice his oddly quiet stateā€”the Taesan you know would never miss the chance to throw in a witty remark.Ā 
You throw him a glare, slightly hoping itā€™d make him knock out of his trance. You set your fork down with an audible clink. ā€œYouā€™re being weird. I mean, you always are insufferably weird, but this is even weirder.ā€
Taesan scoffs, lifting his drink to his lips. ā€œAnd youā€™re being annoying. Paranoid.ā€
You cross your arms, an annoyed grimace forming on your face. ā€œAm I?ā€
Taesan holds your gaze for a moment too long, something flickering in his eyes before he looks away. ā€œMaybe not.ā€
Oh.
You lean back, sighing dramatically. ā€œFine. I donā€™t get what you being weird has with me being paranoid, but yeah, Iā€™m totally being paranoid. Definitely imagining things,ā€ you scoff sarcastically.
Taesan hums in agreement. ā€œYou do that a lot.ā€
You choke on air. Glaring at Taesan, you retort, ā€œyouā€™re infuriating.ā€
ā€œAnd yet, here you are, sharing dessert with me,ā€ Taesan smirks, tilting his head.Ā 
You pause, blinking profusely.
Thatā€¦ is a valid point. How did you even get here? You and Taesan are supposed to be rivals. Arenā€™t you supposed to hate each other?
Your stomach twists, and suddenly, you find it difficult to swallow your final bites of apple pie.
After moments of deafening silence, you say, your voice slightly wavering, ā€œyouā€™re unbelievably good at dodging questions, Taesan.ā€
You bring your drink to your lips, hoping that you sounded casual.Ā 
Taesan looks up from his finished plate of apple pie, smirking as he leans back. ā€œOh, yeah? Have you ever considered that youā€™re too good at asking too many questions, and itā€™s insufferable?ā€
Your eyes widen slightly, flickering to the way that his eyes glare vaguely at you. ā€œMaybe I am,ā€ you admit quietly, ā€œbut youā€™re dodging the real ones.ā€
Taesanā€™s smirk falters a little bit, just for a second, and thereā€™s something unrecognisable in his eyes. Something you canā€™t put a name on.Ā 
Maybe a shift in the air. Maybe itā€™s just your imagination. Or maybe itā€™s because your heart is racing just a little too fast.
Youā€™re so focused on trying to read Taesanā€™s expressions that you donā€™t notice the way your voice softens. ā€œSoā€¦ if this whole thing is an act, why do I keep feeling like you actually care?ā€
You mentally hit yourself. That isnā€™t what you meant to sayā€”and itā€™s certainly not what you would say in front of Taesan.
Though, itā€™s out before you can stop yourself. The words hang in the air, heavy and uncertain.
Taesan freezes, his eyes widening with a vulnerability for a fraction of a second. Then, just as quickly as it came, his guard comes back up. ā€œLike weā€™ve discussed before, itā€™s an act. Nothing more.ā€
His voice is stern and plain, and his expression is stoic, but you catch the tremble in his hand as heā€™s fiddling with his fork.Ā 
That, somehow, doesnā€™t sit right with you.Ā 
You learn forward, the pendant swinging against your dĆ©colletage, your expression more serious now. ā€œThen why do you care so much?ā€
You watch him closely, catching the tightening in his jaw and the way his hand proceeds to rest on the table, fingers anxiously tapping against the wood. Taesan doesnā€™t answer immediately, and instead, he looks away to drift his gaze to the window.
Your chest suddenly tightens. Heā€™s acting like this is nothing, but you certainly feel itā€”the crack in the walls youā€™ve both constructed carefully against each other. Itā€™s a tug at the back of your mind, a repeating whisper youā€™ve been trying so hard to push away.
And yet, the silence between you feels louder than ever.
Minutes pass by and the silence gets louder and louder. Youā€™re lost in your own thoughtsā€”realising just how much youā€™re affected by Taesan; just how much more youā€™re feeling than you want to admit. In the silence, youā€™re wondering, are you just imagining all this? Maybe itā€™s just you, maybe itā€™s the fact that youā€™re finding something more from this fake relationship you have with Taesan, your nemesis.Ā 
Though, thereā€™s something that you canā€™t deny: the fact that your chest tightens with fluttering butterflies every time he gets too close, every time his words shift to something softer than usual, itā€™s something that makes your heart trip in your chest.
ā€œY/N,ā€ Taesan calls, his voice softer than anticipated, and youā€™re pulled out of your train of thought. You look at him slowly, uncertain and afraid of whatā€™s to come. He pauses, as if heā€™s unsure of what to say next. ā€œWhat ifā€¦ I told you Iā€™m not sure if I can pretend much longer?ā€Ā 
His gaze finally meets yours, and for a moment, thereā€™s no maskā€”just the raw sincerity in his eyes.
Your breath catches in your throat, your heart skipping a beat. You open your mouth, trying to say somethingā€”but nothing comes out. The evident truth in his words hits you like an ocean wave on a sunny day, and you canā€™t help but feel something is shifting between you both.
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
THE next few weeks pass by like a ridiculously large time-skip in a movie. Youā€™re doing things like you usually doā€”attend classes, do mootings, send in assignments, study for exams. Though, thereā€™s one big thing in your life that you canā€™t ignoreā€”Taesan, your fake-dating arrangement, and the lingering, unspoken tension between the two of you. The first week after the coffee shop episode, you couldnā€™t sleep even a winkā€”your mind kept on replaying the scenes over and over again, the way you caught Taesanā€™s guard almost falling down. Youā€™re sure you felt it too, the cracks in the walls youā€™ve built against himā€”even for a short moment.Ā 
At school, youā€™re hyper aware and extra distracted by Taesan. Heā€™s doing his part of the agreement well, acting like he agreed he would. Every glance from him feels like a load of unspoken words, and the air between you two feels heavy. Every day you ponder, unsure of what to do with the new, fragile tension thatā€™s settled between you and Taesan.
Today is the sameā€”everything passes in a blur of lectures, assignments, and studying. You drag your heavy footsteps out of the room, your head spinning at the thought of the many assignments waiting for you. You look up, and the moment you step into the hallway, you see Taesan leaning against the wall, phone in hand, looking as calm as ever.Ā 
You walk near him, and your eyes meetā€”you see a flicker of something thereā€”a tension, a question neither of you have the answer to.Ā 
ā€œY/N,ā€ Taesan greets you with a casual, unreadable smile. You pause in your steps, turning to face him.
ā€œHi,ā€ you reply quite timidly. Youā€™re trying to sound casual, but you can hear the slight hitch in your voice. Thereā€™s no pretending this isnā€™t different now. Thereā€™s no pretending you didnā€™t almost cross a line last time.Ā 
Taesan takes a final glance at his phone before shoving it into his pocket. ā€œStill pretending this is just an act?ā€ he asks, his voice surprisingly soft but laced with something familiar, almost teasing.
You pause, your breath stuck in your throat. Your heart, yet again, skips a beat, and you try to brush it off by laughing nervously. ā€œMe? Pretending? Iā€™m not pretending,ā€ you say, and itā€™s directed more towards yourself than to him.
Youā€™re not sure whoā€™s trying to convince who anymore.
Taesan looks taken aback. He blinks profusely before putting his usual, calm expression back on. ā€œYeah,ā€ he whispers, nodding, ā€œIā€™ll see you around, Y/N.ā€
You watch him walk away, heart twisting in the weirdest way.Ā 
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
DONGMIN hates the way everything is now. Why canā€™t he just tell you everything? Why canā€™t he just tell you that he isnā€™t pretending, that he actually cares?
He wants to stop everythingā€“going back to shoving insults at your face might be the safest option of them all. Yet, Dongmin finds himself caring for you in the little waysā€”wrapping his scarf around your neck, adjusting the placement of your bangs with a simple ruffle, placing a tin of coffee and bread in front of you whenever you seem exhausted with studying, sliding post-its to you with his handwriting reminding you to take breaks when needed. He still finds his heart racing upon seeing you; the way your lips pout when youā€™re deep in thought, the way you smile and laugh so adorably upon hearing a funny joke from your friends, the way youā€™re still so cute even when frustrated.Ā 
As he walks away, Dongmin fights with his own heart. Why was he acting like this? Itā€™s so clear that youā€™re expecting something more, but why is he pushing you away?Ā 
Dongmin takes a deep breath. Yeah, heā€™s scared. Heā€™s afraid that maybe itā€™s all in his head, maybe youā€™re the one acting so well and itā€™s just gotten to him.Ā 
Dongmin swears to get himself together, but it looks like heā€™s going to need more than just mental affirmations.Ā 
The next day, he misses his alarm, for the first time in forever, and is running late to his 9 AM lecture. Heā€™s speed walking through students, dodging them with a bag hanging on one shoulder and his hair still partially wet. Just as heā€™s about to near the entrance of the Law building, he hears raised voices nearby. He puts his hood up, his first instinct is to ignore it allā€”heā€™s got no time to eavesdrop on peopleā€™s business. However, he recognises one of the two quarrelling voicesā€”yours.Ā 
Dongminā€™s steps come to a halt, and he turns to face you. His eyes slightly widen and his shoulders begin to tense as he sees you and Anton standing a few feet away, locked in an argument. Heā€™s a bit too far away to hear the full conversation, yet he catches some bits of it.
Youā€™re standing at your full height, stiffly in front of Anton, arms crossed and eyes blazing with fury. Anton, on the opposite side of you, no longer has that sickening, innocent smileā€”instead, heā€™s flashing you a mocking smirk.Ā 
The argument is already reaching its peak, yet Dongmin is quick to analyse the situation just by picking up a few bits.Ā 
ā€œYou think youā€™re really something, donā€™t you?ā€ Anton taunts.
You scoff. Dongmin could tell youā€™re offended, yet the mask you put on really makes a difference. ā€œAt least I donā€™t have to put other people down to feel important.ā€
Anton scoffs back, ā€œplease. You act like youā€™re above all this, but youā€™re just as desperate for attention as everyone else.ā€
Dongmin clenches his jaw, watching the argument unfold as his fingers begin to twitch.Ā 
You give Anton a mocking laugh, stepping forward. ā€œI donā€™t care what you think, Anton Lee. I donā€™t care if you think I donā€™t love Taesan, because what matters is my own feelings, not yours. And Iā€™m done wasting my time on you.ā€
Before you could turn away and enter the building, Anton grabs your wrist.Ā 
Itā€™s not aggressive, but itā€™s enough. Enough to make Dongmin see red.
Everythingā€™s a blurā€”one second later, heā€™s towering in front of Anton, his eyes glaring daggers.Ā 
ā€œLet her go,ā€ his voice is low and threatening, as sharp as a blade.Ā 
Anton looks up, initially startled, but as soon as he sees Dongmin, he rolls his eyes. His hand still around your wrist, he says with a sneer, ā€œlook whoā€™s here, Y/Nā€™s knight in shining armour! Oh, so great, always the hero.ā€
Dongmin is too busy counting down the ways he could destroy Antonā€™s life to be noticing how immediate the warmth creeps up your cheeks. Dongmin, in one fluid motion, steps closer, standing between you and Anton.Ā 
ā€œDid you hear me?ā€ his voice drops deadly lower than before, his posture relaxed yet his eyes are dangerous. ā€œLet. Go.ā€
Anton huffs, roughly letting go of your hand. He shakes his head. ā€œYou two are seriously something else,ā€ he mutters before storming away.Ā 
You and Dongmin stand next to each other, cautiously eyeing Anton until he disappears from sight. For that moment, none of you say anything.
ā€œWhat was that for?ā€ you say suddenly, crossing your arms. ā€œI didnā€™t need you to step in.ā€
Dongmin shoves his hood down to his neck, raising his eyebrow. Feeling slightly irritated, he scorns. ā€œYeah? Looked like you were having a great time.ā€
You roll your eyes, scoffing, but something pinches Dongminā€™s heart as he notices thereā€™s no real bite behind it. ā€œIā€™m fineā€”I had it all handled.ā€
Silence.Ā 
Dongmin exhales sharply, words shooting out of his mouth without second thought. ā€œI know. Itā€™s justā€“ā€Ā 
He stops, his eyes landing on your wrist. Closes his mouth.Ā 
You wait for a few moments, before warily asking. ā€œWhat? Just what?ā€
Dongmin hesitates. Suddenly, itā€™s all he can push out of his throat. Heā€™s already there, halfway crossing the line heā€™s put between you and him for the past two years.Ā 
And then, it justā€¦ slips out.Ā 
ā€œI just canā€™t stand it, okay?ā€
Your frown deepens, confused. ā€œStandā€¦ what?ā€
Dongmin lets out a frustrated breath, turning sharply to completely face you. ā€œI canā€™t stand seeing you with people like that fucking bastard. I canā€™t stand watching you get into these stupid situations. And I really, really canā€™t stand how much Iā€”ā€
His eyes widen, and his words stumble upon a stop. Dongmin stammers, realising what he was just about to say.Ā 
ā€œTaesan,ā€ you call, gently, hope suddenly shimmering in your eyes. ā€œHow much you what?ā€
Dongmin freezes. Heā€™s silent, tongue frozen, unable to utter another word.
He canā€™t say it.Ā 
Instead, he runs a hand through his hair, muttering curses under his breath.Ā 
ā€œYou know what?ā€Ā 
ā€œTaesanā€“ā€
ā€œNext time,ā€ he says quickly, in a softer voice, ā€œdonā€™tā€¦ waste your time on a guy like him.ā€
Your eye contact is still intact, you open your mouth to argue, but nothing comes out. Your eyes widen for a split secondā€”as if youā€™re catching on to the feelings displayed, unknowingly, on Dongminā€™s face.Ā 
His concern is real.
ā€œW-we should go,ā€ you stammer instead, gesturing to the Law building.Ā 
Dongmin nods. He grabs your backpack from you, signalling for you to walk in first. ā€œYeah. Letā€™s go.ā€Ā 
You force yourself to walk as swiftly as possible to the lecture hall, heart pounding, mind racing. Behind you, Dongminā€™s entire body is tense. Heā€™s finally realising he canā€™t keep his feelings for you hidden forever.
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
THE next day, you canā€™t stop thinking about Taesanā€”and whatever he was about to say to you. Your mind races with a million different thoughts throughout the day. What if he actually feels the same? What if youā€™re not the only one looking for something more in this fake arrangement?
However, given that exams are looming closer, youā€™re only given a short amount of time to dwell on your thoughts. After your last class of the day, you find yourself cooped up in the library, studying the rest of the day away. Several of your friends join you, too.Ā 
The study group grows, joined by both your friends and Taesanā€™sā€”though, you didnā€™t even realise that Taesan is sitting across you the entire day, until everyone starts leaving one by one.Ā 
By midnight, itā€™s only you and him. You donā€™t look up, but you can feel your heart thumping faster than usual. Youā€™re hyper aware of your surroundingsā€”how close he is, how his scent feels comforting yet intimidating, and how his presence is reminding you of something that youā€™re too afraid to admit.Ā 
ā€œY/N,ā€ you open your eyes to someone gently shaking your shoulder, the reality of things crashing onto you all at once. You lift your head up, realising that you fell asleep in the middle of reviewing a past paper. Your eyes meet with Taesanā€™s concerned gaze.Ā 
His voice is low and soft, as if itā€™s only for you. ā€œLetā€™s take a break. Youā€™ve been snoozing off way too many times.ā€
Your heart is beating a little faster than usual, but you agree. Taesanā€™s request seems too casual, and he looks like he needs a break too.Ā 
You follow his lead, walking a little bit behind him to the convenience store thatā€™s still open in campus grounds. Heā€™s silent, observing you and letting you pick anything you want before paying for both your things and his.Ā 
ā€œGo sit,ā€ he says, holding your instant tteokbokki package in hand, along with his instant noodles. ā€œIā€™ll heat these up.ā€
Taesan quickly moves to the microwave before you can say anything in retaliation, a sign that you take seriously. Heā€™s not in the mood for any fights.Ā 
You take a seat, and soon after, Taesan joins you. He puts your instant meal in front of you, breaking your chopsticks for you.Ā 
ā€œHere,ā€ he says, his voice quiet. ā€œCareful, the tteok is still hot.ā€
He then slips his coat around you before turning back to his own beverages.Ā 
You find yourself staring at him, long after heā€™s handed you your things. You watch him, peacefully releasing his tensionā€”running a hand through his hair, chugging down a cup of coffee.Ā 
Everything around you looks like it has a blurred filter on, yet one thing is crystal clear: Taesan, and his evident care for you. The longer you stare at him, the more you realise.
Heā€™s always been the one. Heā€™s always been there.Ā 
It hits you harder than any bad grade has ever done.Ā 
Taesan has always been like thisā€”quietly looking out for you, quietly caring for you.Ā 
All this while, all the banter, the little arguments, moments, and glancesā€”itā€™s not just rivalry. Itā€™s not just the fact that he always finds a way to make you all grumbly and irritated. Itā€™s not just the fact that, even back when you were with Anton, heā€™d always find a way to show his care for you.Ā 
Itā€™s not just the fact that you enjoy his company, even if he makes you feel like you want to bang your head against the wall.Ā 
You like him.Ā 
You like Han Taesan.Ā 
You quickly turn your head away, blood rushing to your head as soon as the realisation hits you. You stuff a few bites of instant tteokbokki into your mouth, wanting to quickly get rid of whatever this warm, refreshing feeling is.Ā 
ā€œCan you stop looking at me like that, L/N?ā€Ā 
You cough, shocked at how his sudden comment breaks through the almost comforting silence. All the past moments youā€™ve had with himā€”the banter, the insults, the argumentsā€”run through your head as soon as your last name, what Taesan had always called you, reaches your ears.
ā€œLike what?ā€ emboldened by the awakening of your feelings, you retort, your tone more challenging than you intended.Ā 
Taesan snaps, pushing his chair back, raking a frustrated hand through his hair.Ā 
ā€œLike Iā€™m your fucking boyfriend.ā€
ā€œWhat?ā€ youā€™re confused, not expecting that out of his mouth. ā€œWhat are youā€“ā€
ā€œLike youā€™re waiting for me to say something that I know I canā€™t take back.ā€
ā€œSay it, then.ā€
You say, challenging him. It feels sentimentalā€”like the old days, where all you did when you met Taesan was throw taunting words at him. But at the same time, the words come out of your mouth without realisingā€”daring the two of you to finally cross the line.Ā 
ā€œI like you, okay? I probably love you at this point, I donā€™t know. I donā€™t know when it started, but I do. And Iā€”ā€ He exhales sharply, his voice softer. ā€œI donā€™t want to keep pretending I donā€™t.ā€
The world stops spinning and you stare at him, blank.Ā 
Your tongue feels numb, your heart racing at a million miles per hour.Ā 
You feel the same, youā€™re sure, but you donā€™t know how to respond. Do you smile and say it back? Do you tease him, calling him an idiot like you always do?Ā 
ā€œI didnā€™t mean to fall for you,ā€ you catch Taesan muttering.Ā 
You smile. ā€œMe too,ā€ you say softly.Ā 
Taesan lifts his head immediately, sharply turning to you with widened eyes. ā€œ... pardon?ā€
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
THE next few days feel like a refreshing spring breeze in the peak of winter, yet the air is filled with a cute awkwardness. After the confession, neither of you explicitly announce to one another that the two of you are a real couple nowā€”yet your interactions feel new and unscripted, but no one exactly is making the first move.Ā 
Of course, your friends notice before the two of you do.Ā 
Youā€™re sitting at the food hall together with Yunjin and Sophia, eating breakfast. Youā€™re halfway through your pancakes, and Taesanā€”or Dongmin, as you call him nowā€”suddenly takes a seat next to you.Ā 
ā€œMind if I join, girls?ā€ he asks, a charming grin on his face. Heā€™s asking the table, yet his gaze is directed to you. You bite your lip shyly, nodding.Ā Ā 
ā€œSure, make yourself at home,ā€ Yunjin says, her words laced with teasing. She watches with eagle eyes as Dongmin puts all of the sliced bananas from his serving of pancakes onto yours, knowing that you especially enjoy them with your breakfast pancakes. She snorts at the obvious look of love in Dongminā€™s eyes, more evident now that he isnā€™t shoving insults at your face. ā€œSo, you two are really dating now?ā€
You choke on your bite of pancake, immediately blurting out,
ā€œNo!ā€
ā€œYes.ā€
You sharply turn to Dongmin, who has a smug look on his face. Itā€™s the one look on his face that youā€™re used to, yet thereā€™s a tint of pink on his cheeks. The edge of his smirk twitches, threatening to form into a cute, lovesick smile.Ā 
ā€œ...I see,ā€ Sophia interrupts your awkward eye contact, sighing dramatically.Ā 
ā€œWeā€™re dating?ā€ you ask Dongmin acutely, your brows connecting in an embarrassed frown.Ā 
ā€œI donā€™t know,ā€ Dongmin shrugs casually, the look in his eyes teasing. ā€œAre we?ā€
The blush that instantly creeps up your cheeks tells you the answer. You look away, suddenly focused on the way youā€™re cutting your pancakes. Dongminā€™s laugh echoes to your left, and your friendsā€™ send you teasing looks.Ā 
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
A few months later, on the first week back after winter break, you go on a walk around campus with your boyfriend, Han Dongmin. It feels weird, calling him yours now. Just almost half a year ago, you were fighting your ego to have your nemesis fake-date you in order to intimidate your ex into leaving you and your life alone. Now, that same thorn in your side has become the light of your life, the apple of your eye. Now, the two of you are in something thatā€™s not written on a flimsy contract.
Dongmin had also helped clear out the rumours surrounding youā€”in the most annoying, Han Taesan wayā€”announcing the truth about Anton by spreading it like a rumour to everyone. You still get second-hand embarrassment remembering that day, bombarded by questions and apologies from acquaintances and people youā€™ve only seen around.Ā 
ā€œYou know,ā€ you say dreamily, distracted by your train of thought, ā€œyouā€™re so annoyingā€”but I love you.ā€
Dongmin freezes, his steps coming to an immediate halt. You, too, freeze in your steps as you realise youā€™re a few steps ahead of him now. You turn around, eyebrows perked up. ā€œWhatā€™s wrong, Dongmin?ā€
Dongmin.Ā 
The sound of your voice calling his birth name repeats in his mind, like a favourite song on loop. He stares, unable to say anything. His eyes fall on the pendant dangling from your neck, one that you started wearing due to the fake-dating arrangement. He remembered insisting that you take it off, so that he can buy you a new one later, but you said that itā€™s special so you wonā€™t take it off.Ā 
I love you.Ā 
Dongmin feels a smile slowly bloom on his face.Ā 
She said it. She didnā€™t even hesitate. Itā€™s like itā€™s the easiest thing in the world.Ā 
His face softens, jogging up to you. He gives you a cheeky smile.Ā 
ā€œSay that again.ā€
You frown. ā€œWhat again?ā€
ā€œThe first part.ā€
ā€œWhatā€“ā€ you pause, eyes widening as you get what heā€™s talking about. Heat rushes up your cheeks, warming your face despite Dongminā€™s scarf wrapped around it. ā€œIā€“ā€
ā€œYeah,ā€ Dongmin says, smirking as he wraps an arm around your shoulders. ā€œMe too.ā€
You bury yourself into the familiar scent of Dongminā€™s scarfĀ as he kisses your cheek.Ā 
ā€œFuck you, Han Dongmin,ā€ you grumble, ignoring the obvious butterflies in your stomach.Ā 
怀怀 ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž Ėšć€€ć€€ ā–’ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā‚Šć…¤ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā³Šį§™ ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž ā€Ž āŗ
THAT weekend, you and Dongmin are eating lunch together at your favourite coffee shop. Dongmin had said that the vibes there makes him sleepy, and tried to bring you to eat at one of the more famous restaurants near the KOZ School of Engineering, yet the plan backfires on him when the line is certainly too long.Ā 
Now, the two of you are back at your favourite coffee shop, sipping warm cinnamon lattes.Ā 
ā€œSee?ā€ you tease, smiling cheekily. ā€œI told you this place is the best.ā€
Dongmin rolls his eyes, taking a big spoonful of the chocolate cinnamon roll on your plate. ā€œI want to eat some real food, like kimchi jjigae, not these sweet chocolate desserts,ā€ he complains, though he canā€™t hide the fact that he secretly loves it.Ā 
ā€œYet youā€™re the one finishing my cinnamon roll,ā€ you retort, letting him subconsciously finish your dessert. Youā€™re familiar with his love for chocolate.
Dongmin flashes you an innocent smile, shrugging. ā€œNot my fault.ā€
Comfortable silence engulfs the two of you, letting you bask in each otherā€™s presence. Suddenly, Dongmin leans closer, adjusting the place of the H.D pendant on your dĆ©colletage. Frozen, you watch him lean back into his seat, smiling as he admires you.Ā 
ā€œYou look good today,ā€ he murmurs, ā€œactually, you look good everyday.ā€
An undeniable tint of pink colours your face. ā€œIā€™m literally wearing a black turtleneck sweater, Dongmin.ā€
His gaze softens. ā€œLike the first time you sat next to me, three years ago, during our foundation year.ā€
Your eyes widen, your mind replaying the memory, fresh like it happened yesterday. ā€œYouā€¦ remember?ā€Ā 
ā€œOf course,ā€ Dongmin replies, his smile delicate.Ā 
ā€œI even remember the day you walked up to me, confident and all. I thought you were going to brag to my face that you won first place for the quiz we had the day before, but then you told me to fake date you.ā€
You almost spit out the coffee from your mouth. ā€œHan Dongmin!ā€ you hiss. ā€œDonā€™t remind meā€¦ it was so stupid.ā€
ā€œStupid?ā€ Dongmin asks, tilting his head. The signature cocky smirk is back on his face. ā€œAre you sure about that?ā€
ā€œYeahā€¦ā€ you sigh, ā€œI mean, I couldā€™ve resolved the matter by myself, you knowā€“ā€
ā€œBut you know that Iā€™m the best option,ā€ Dongmin cuts you off, smug. You roll your eyes.
ā€œI donā€™t think itā€™s stupid, though,ā€ he continues, his expression softer. Moreā€¦ raw. ā€œTo be honest, I think I was ecstatic that you walked up to me that day.ā€
ā€œWhy?ā€ you ask croakily.Ā 
ā€œā€˜Cause Iā€™ve always liked you, Y/N. I always have. I just donā€™t understand where things went wrongā€”maybe itā€™s the way I thought teasing you would gain me your attention at first. It did. But then, you became used to my teasing and thought of me as a threatā€”maybe ā€˜cause Iā€™m smart as hell, tooā€”but yeah. I donā€™t know how to say it but, all of that hatred wasā€¦ pretend.ā€
You blink at him, too shocked to process his words. You try to reply, but mere stuttering comes out, and your face turns bright red.Ā 
Dongmin notices this, of course, and he turns on his shameless, impudent grin. ā€œBesides, you said youā€™re going to grant me any wish that I have, right?ā€
Oh.Ā 
You inhale sharply. How could you forget? You immediately bring out your phone, checking the balance in your bank account. Itā€™s quite a luxury, due to you working a few part time jobs during your break and whenever you canā€”but you certainly donā€™t think itā€™s fit for whatever grand wish Dongmin is about to demand from you.Ā 
ā€œFine,ā€ you huff, ā€œonly because itā€™s part of ourā€¦ old contract.ā€
ā€œOld contract, huh?ā€ Dongmin wheezes, already laughing hard. You frown, fighting back a smile.Ā 
ā€œWhy are you always laughing whenever I speak, dumbass?ā€
ā€œHey,ā€ Dongmin pauses his laughter, flicking your forehead gently. It doesnā€™t even hurt, but you gasp dramatically, and he laughs it off. ā€œItā€™s babe for you, sweet girl. And, Iā€™m not laughing at you. Iā€™m just admiring how cute and funny you are.ā€
Babe, huh?
You snort, hiding a smile. ā€œFine.ā€
ā€œAnyway, speaking of the old contract,ā€ Dongmin grins, ā€œwhatā€™s the new one, then?ā€
ā€œYou havenā€™t even told me what sort of dumb, overpriced thing you want for your wish,ā€ you say, lips set in a grim line. ā€œAnd now you want another one?ā€
ā€œMy wish, huh?ā€
The unreadable look on his face makes you brace yourself and your wallet.
ā€œThen, my darling, this is my wish.ā€
Dongmin leans forward, brushing his lips against yours. Itā€™s subtle, short and sweet, but significant enough for you to realise it allā€”the reality of your feelings and his. He lingers for a while before sitting back in his chair.Ā 
ā€œSo,ā€ he says coolly, ignoring the plain blush streaked across his face. ā€œCan you grant me the wish? To kiss you anytime, and anywhere I want?ā€
ā€œBasically, physical affection can be done anytime?ā€ you say, quoting what this man in front of you said months ago, when both of you first agreed on the fake-dating situation. The whole absurd set-up that brought the two of you to where you are, today.Ā 
Dongmin laughs, clearly impressed. ā€œYeah,ā€ he nods.Ā 
You give him a warm smile, glad that youā€™re finally able to follow your heartā€™s desires, and to not put up a wall of defense around him anymore.Ā 
ā€œWish granted.ā€
ā€• Ā© htaesan, 2025.
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rococo-sonata Ā· 1 day ago
Text
i digged up in my notes and guess what
Kunikida HEADCANONS ā˜†šŸ“— part 2!!! + some other characters at the end!!!
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- he absolutly hates having his hair down and having his bangs in front of his face like in the oav so he put heavy amont of hair gel that makes his hair feel kinda like cardboard
- he was a troublemaker as a kid
- he's cisgender in a very transgender way. he considers himself a boy only because he was born as one and never really thought about it or feel any connexion to it despite having a schlong. like he's kinda gender apathetic
- it's not a rat tail!!! it's some sort of weird jellyfish haircut he only ties the lower layer and use way too much hair gel
- during his earlier years at the agency he used to have depressive episodes, where he forgot his ideals and bedrotted for days. now he feels so awful about it that he doesn't allow himself to take such breaks
- he likes poetry, mostly romanticism and naturalism. he sometimes writes some himself and has a notebook for it. Dazai found it and thinks his writing style is cringe and corny (he's kinda right...)
- he has a weird laugh, like an ugly one but it's cute
- once he came up with a schedule for katai and katai didn't even look at it
now just random dump of silly hcs i made up about the cast
- atsushi climbs the stairs on all four (even outside...)
- when someone shows him a silly video of a cat falling he takes it personally and answer something like "IT'S NOT FUNNY!! HE HURT HIMSELFšŸ˜”"
- the type of guy to bite his nails until it bleed and peel the skin of his lips and kunikida swats his hand when he does
- fukuchi always has a favorite in the hunting dogs, sometimes it's tachihara, sometimes teruko, sometimes jouno but it's never tecchou. they're all kinda his children and tecchou is the least favoritešŸ’”
- he got fangs like a cat. he's literally just a big cat
- tachihara saw fukuchi as a father figure. he used to admire him a lot and think he was super cool so he sometimes copied his posture or mannerisms. im saying that bcs of this artwork! like look he's literally copying him they're so cutešŸ˜­
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so imagine how absolutly disappointed he was when he learnt he was kamui.. and when the man he kinda saw like his dad stabbed his eyes... :/ womp womp
- jouno believes he is the most beautiful mesmerizing creature to have ever blessed this planet
- natsume is trans!!! he's a calico cat!!! calico cats are at 99.9% females!!! NATSUME IS AFAB
- he's katai's dad. don't ask me why it's just that scene where he shows up at katai's house they got such a cute dynamic he's his father in my head
- ango got the worst eye correction ever. probably has bifocal glasses for staying on his computer for so long
- kyu does age regression, because this is NOT a 13 years old
- katai is an avid reddit user. he is not the same person online his digital footprint is ass
- i feel like he would love shoujo and slice of life anime that are girl lead like k-on, lucky star, nichijou or azumanga daioh. but not in a weird way. he would envy feminity, how in touch with their own feelings they are, and women frienship and intimacy, he wishes he could experience that too
- he loves cats and wishes he could adopt one but he knows that he wouldn't be able to take care of it in his state and would probably forget to feed it
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t-lostinworlds Ā· 2 years ago
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MOODBOARDS āœ˜ STEVE HARRINGTON + SWIM ATHLETE
"Unless one of you three can top being a Hawkins High swim co-captain and a certified lifeguard for three years, thenā€¦" | Stranger Things S04E06 ā€” The Dive
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lunarharp Ā· 5 months ago
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played dragon age 2...just simple scribbles
#dragon age tag#i doubt that will see much use again..but who knows. vvv rambling below#weird game..the characters dialogue stuff and ending were good tho :')#i've played some of the first game but it kept crashing. i knew already despite knowing nothing that this guy was going to be my type#it doesnt feel right making video game art any more bc games like this end up feeling really personal - an experience that happened to me#if i design the main character a bit and fall in love then..that happened to me..i can't make Fan Art of that..only ive been through that..#like i cant make fanart of my dear companions in bg3 despite it having been a huge part of my heart in the last year#almost 1000 hours of playtime in something i can barely talk about bc it means too much.... lol#tons of ideas and conversations and extra thoughts and scenes and emotions about all the incredible times i've been through in bg3#and the maelstrom just rotates around intensely in my own heart forever...but that's ok too...that is so precious to me#but fortunately i already knew people that have played this game and talked/drew abt it recently so it was saved from that for me#sharing scribbly fanart on my Blog is a way to capture the feeling just after experiencing something so it has good points#witch hat atelier escapes that by not being a GAME. games are so immersive. but my wha art & feelings are incredibly immersive too#which makes it difficult sometimes now. i live a complicated and emotional life <3 i am not suited to fandom <3#my character ended up looking so much like oru without me realising that's what i was doing. Kind bearded fireball throwing gay mage. Hmm.#falling for a sad white hair memory trauma fellow that keeps you at a tragic distance. Hmmmmmm.#i see also how very much bg3 is inspired by stuff like dragon age now lol so i'm glad i experienced it. I WANT MY KIRKWALL LIFE BACK...#so dated though as well and unpleasant at times (the city and the dismal atmosphere was depressing.) i hate violence/horror..#bg3 is SOOOO very dismal but it feels like I am killing people and going through horrors because i have to survive i have to be free#Well anyway. ahh it's so refreshing to fall in love. my gay journey continues...
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lynxfrost13 Ā· 5 months ago
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LSTR-S2301 and the maintenance tunnel ARAR are best friends to me even though that Elster was only on sierpinski for a seemingly brief time, theyā€™re bros who fuck around on the clock during work. I think Elster was probably more willing to put extra time in however sheā€™s also very ā€œokay youā€™ve given me a list of tasks I did them. Theyā€™re done and done well. Thatā€™s it, my time now.ā€ Whereas I see Ara being more of a slacker (very valid of her) or at the very least just a bare minimum type of gal when it comes to work.
Idk I tend to imagine them fucking off in the middle of shifts to go find weird lonely corners of sierpinski to hang out in. They donā€™t even talk half the time but they love it.
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aroanthy Ā· 10 months ago
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i love how fraught and complicated discourse around various utena characters ā€˜dyingā€™ is when anthy is literally stabbed to death eternally by a million swords imbued with human hatred. and then utena gets stabbed to death by them also. like. ā€˜deathā€™ is incredibly interesting in rgu because most of the time itā€™s this ambiguous figurative thing that has interesting implications re: ohtori as a closed-off world one can escape. we are all trapped in our coffins. mamiya is the only named character with a grave. nemuro memorial hall functions as one all the same. ruka is implied to have died in the hospitalā€” was he dead all along? who was the boy we saw for these two episodes? is this dead boy the same boy, or is this just another coincidence from the shadow girls, cutting like a knife? itā€™s heavily implied that akio and anthy murder kanae by poisoning her, adding to the previous implication that they were poisoning mr ohtori too, but there are no perceptible consequences of this. kanaeā€™s absence is not felt. sheā€™s fed an apple slice. what happens to the bodies? we know what happened to the 100 boys, but what about everyone else? and so on and so forth. ā€˜deathā€™ is a tricky thing in utena, i think itā€™s constantly functioning on figurative and literal levels in very different ways for very different purposes. dios died. dios was dying. dios didnā€™t die. he grew up. etc etc
#what am i trying to say here?#idk! think about all of the pieces you have#dying is complicated in ohtori in countless different ways#and i find it boring to see so much ā€˜this character is dead and thatā€™s itā€™ stuff#when death is used farrrrrrr more figuratively than some ppl give credit for#and i think the movie too does wonderful things with death#and what ā€˜dyingā€™ really means#being disbelieved. being forgotten. being rejected. haunting despite this#much more interesting to think about wrt commentary on abusive relationships than it is#to think about what?? oh me when my brother died but plot twist heā€™s alive and can walk on this road all cool. like?????#akio doesnā€™t have the power to make himself revenant#he THINKS he does and he absolutely has power when heā€™s alive and he imbues that power with such meaning that it does live on after him#but ANTHY. anthy is the one struggling with herself and her feelings and the impact of trauma and abuse (that power!!) in aou#heā€™s dead? he died? she brought him back through her memories? or sheā€™s left him (metaphorical death) and heā€™s haunting her??#all such interesting interpretations#i havenā€™t mentioned touga bc i donā€™t have the energy today. if dead and just illusion of others memories then why active. why awful#like in aou akio is only Obviously scummy when heā€™s alive. his illusory self is based upon anthyā€™s love for him#if anime!touga is nothing more than nanami/whoeverā€™s memories of him before he diedā€¦ā€¦. why does he actively choose to suck again and again#like nanami wouldnā€™t do that. unless it was meant to be a subconscious thing like ooo heā€™s dead all along but thatā€™s not what her arc is#itā€™s not ā€˜heā€™s been dead all alongā€™ literally or figuratively. itā€™s ā€˜heā€™s unsafe and i donā€™t want himā€™#sigh. once again i am asking people to think about nanami and tougaā€™s dynamic through tougaā€™s eyes#itā€™s so interesting to me how people forget to consider his motivations or feelings on ANYTHING#like sure his motivations and feelings are scummy but theyā€™re interesting!!!!! they intrigue me!!!!#compel me even#anyway ignore how i said i didnā€™t have the energy for this and then typed it all out anyway#dais.txt
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teddybeartoji Ā· 6 months ago
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I'M HEREEEE!!!!! thank you @miyameowru and @mrsokkotsu and @storiesoflilies and @cloudwisp for tagging me i love you all sooosoo much<333333 THIS WAS SO FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OIKAWA MY DARLING BOYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEEING THAT MADE ME SO SO HAPPY ACTUALLY WAHH I MISS HIM SM<3333333 AND THEN TENGEN AND CHUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAHHH I LOVE THEMM!!!!!!
AND THEN OFC MY OWN PERSONAL TEDDY BEARR and kuna and bakugošŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­ i can't believe that he and sukuna are the same lmao that's so funny. aaaaaaand then we have suguru and fyodoršŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€šŸ’€no comment there. i think fyodor would despise me actually and suguru is a lil yandere so idk what that says abt our perfect little relationship.
OK AND FINALLY SATORU AND DAZAIII WHAT DO YOU MEANN ONLY 85% THEY ARE MY LITTLE MEOW MEOWSS THEY SHOULD BE HERE WITH ME RIGHT NOWWW RRRRAAHHHHHH
no pressure tags: @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat @gothsuguru @staryukis @mossmotif @lxnarphase @kisstoru @ohimsummer @tirasamu @osarina @mizzfizz @sleepymarimo @hayakawalove @nappingmoon @spookuna @forest-hashira @madaqueue <33333
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seventh-district Ā· 2 months ago
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ā€œWhyā€™s he call you Darlinā€™?ā€
on my knees begging my brain to stop trying to associate this song with Sam
#(itā€™s too late guys iā€™ve already added it to a couple playlists. i canā€™t help it)#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted sam#redacted darlin#rp audio stuff#Sevenā€™s Blorbo Songs#music stuff#i fell down a rabbit hole of music videos on YT last night and decided to give this song a chance based on the title obviously#skipped through all the exposition just to quickly find out if i liked the song or not#and as soon as the first line came in i went head-in-hands at my desk bc i just Knew it was over for me#i hate that i like it#itā€™s very repetitive and giving strong Modern/Mainstream Pop-Rap-Country vibes#but iā€™m not too proud to admit that i eat that shit up on occasion#ā€˜Youā€™ve been beatinā€™ ā€˜round the bush so much youā€™re knockinā€™ off the leaves.ā€™ goes kinda hard tho iā€™m ngl#ā€˜ole boy in a Ridgeline and i drive a Chevyā€™ would Sam be a truck elitist? hmm#i doubt it. i see him as too practical-minded to care about brand names and shit like that#like irl i think itā€™s very silly. and perhaps a little questionable to hate on a ā€˜foreignā€™ vehicle. but i donā€™t even like trucks at all so#insecure country boys and their obsession with big trucks are ruining the road for us regular people that just want a normal ass car#but iā€™ll stop before i go off on a rant about americaā€™s transportation problems#anyways. i can separate reality from fiction and i love the image of Sam in a beat up beloved old truck. clichĆ© as it may be#getting back on track. my POINT was that the song doesnā€™t even necessarily fit Samā€™s vibes i just. canā€™t undo the association#been trying to think of a way for it to fit him but that would require Darlinā€™ to be cheating on him and i donā€™t like that thought#like i love some types of angst but cheating isnā€™t one of them#i could view it through the context of being directed at Alexis bc i already hate her lmao but once again it doesnā€™t fit in canon#and i donā€™t know how i feel about the thought that he used to call her Darlinā€™ too. though itā€™s very possible. mmm angst#not that it has to fit with canon for me to attach a song to a character. certainly not! but i need to make it work in my mind Somehow#and i canā€™t even come up with a good HC to make this fit. the idea of Jealous!Sam is fun in theory but idk if iā€™d like it practice anyways#tldr: does this really fit canon Sam? meh. Is it forever tied to him in my mind anyways due to the use of the petname Darlinā€™? absolutely.#anywho. one of these days iā€™ll open this app to do something other than vent post or yap abt rp audio blorbos. but that day is not today!
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princema-k Ā· 3 months ago
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i would actually love to hear your thoughts on when layton would emote the ways you've drawn him! if you want! no pressure if not!
OH B OY HERE WE GO!!!!! again take everything with a grain of salt bc i Forgor bits of the series
BLANKET SPOILER FOR UNWOUND FUTURE/MIRACLE MASK MAYBE??/AZRAN LEGACY
(for reference we are talking abt this post)
SURPRISE: As we know in the PL series, it's very very hard to catch the professor off-guard in any way. Most of the things you would think would surprise him, he's already known for a long time and was just keeping quiet about it so that he could use that information at the right time.
With that being said, the times where he does seem to get somewhat surprised (or taken aback. he's so goddamn emotionally constipated) seem to be when the shocker in question has personal relation to him. Though in the series proper, none of the shocking personal factoids are ever presented in a way to make him jump. So theoretically, if any twists like Claire or Descole's reveal were presented much more aggressively, he might emote like how I've drawn him (though I kinda doubt it). Or just jumpscare him lmao
SADNESS: Obviously we know that Layton can feel sadness and cry, though even at the end of Unwound Future it's clear that he's still holding back with his crying. I'd wager that it's because he's out in public and around an impressionable individual (Luke) that he's not letting himself fully express his grief. After all, a true gentleman never makes a scene in public.
I'd say, if he were to cry like the way I've drawn him (that is, bawling his eyes out), it'd probably be at the end of UF when Luke leaves for America, and he'd have to be alone. And I mean completely alone. He'd be very careful about having anyone even remotely near him before he breaks down sobbing; he'd wait for Luke to go home, and wait a while to make sure that he hears no other footsteps around who could potentially walk in on him, before crying. And even then, he'd still repress it - trying to choke back sobs to make sure he isn't heard, pulling the brim of his hat over his eyes and covering his eyes with his hand, the works. Because sadness/crying is weakness to him, and a true gentleman can never show weakness.
ANGER: Frankly, I feel like this is one of the emotions I've drawn that I actually could see him showing in the series proper. We've seen him in Unwound Future just barely holding back his anger at Clive when he endangered Flora/started wrecking havoc on London (obviously still restrained- yadda yadda yadda "true gentleman" blah blah blah).
To get him to unrestrain it, I'd say you would have to put a lot of people he cares about (particularly his wards - Luke and Flora would likely be excellent choices) in direct danger, as well as taunt him to a personal degree enough times. Because even the Professor has limits to how much mental strain he can take, and all limits can be broken. It's just a matter of pushing the right (or wrong!) buttons on him.
FEAR: This one's tough I think. As an adult who's seen a lot (including his own death), it's pretty hard to find something that would really scare him to that degree. Throughout the series the most he seems to show in terms of fear is either: a) surprise that he quickly recovers from, or b) the end of Unwound Future when he realizes that Claire can't stay with him.
I say that theoretically (and REALLY emphasize on the "theoretically"), you might be able to get him to emote the way I've drawn him... if you subject him to anything akin to his recently unrepressed memories of his childhood, and he's rendered helpless to do anything to help but watch. But like I said, only theoretically. I'd wager that he'd probably just be angry too.
LAUGHTER: ...I honestly have no good clue to how or when he'd emote like this. For him to laugh so heartily, he'd have to be in a state of extreme emotional vulnerability, which isn't often.
I'd say it'd be at a time where he's feeling very relieved, or elated (and they'd both have to be situations that connect to him personally too; outside events won't phase him). How he'd laugh to such an extent I'm not actually sure, BUT I could paint a bit of a scenario: It's the end of UF, but Claire could actually stay without dying, and she makes a sort of lighthearted joke in light of the events. Would he laugh wholeheartedly? I dunno. But judging on what we've seen of him, it's a maybe.
It's a shame we never get to see him emote so colourfully in the hexalogy proper, but as I've stated before in another long-winded half-legible ramble character analysis, he's SEVERELY repressing his emotions due to Claire's last words/"gentleman" values/positive reinforcements from his peers and environments for successfully hiding his emotions. Poor guy.
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great-tusk Ā· 19 days ago
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I need her so that she and Turtwig can sit on my shelf and I can come over and give her a little kiss on the top of her head when Iā€™m too stressed to sleep.
#chat sesh with iris#one of the reviews took a star off because they couldnā€™t see her underwear šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#UMMMMMā€¦ SHE HAS A MAN!!! PUT SOME RESPECT ON MY NAMEā€¦#donā€™t talk about my girl that way šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”#only I can talk about my girl that way!!!#and I donā€™t want to. to be frank Iā€™m GLAD that sheā€™s wearing shorts!#she needs another layer under the coat have you seen how cold parts of Sinnoh are? :(#if it gets really windy then sheā€™d be really chilly :(((#thereā€™s a bunch of snow and huge wind chills where I am#I donā€™t need my angel underdressed out in the cold šŸ˜”šŸ˜”šŸ˜”#sheā€™s a sweetheartā€¦ and you want her to get upper thigh frostbite just for you to see her pantiesā€¦ FUCKED UP!!!!!#the rest of her thighs not covered thoughā€¦#she needs some leggings to wear under her socks#or maybe she can wear some comfy sweats. she could borrow mine :D!#I just bought a bunch of new sweats on vacation bc it got insanely cold and we didnā€™t pack warm pants for me lmao#hmmmā€¦ maybe sheā€™s wearing those fuzzy tight leggings that are made to look just like your skin while being super warm#and the shorts and socks are both on top of them#I would support that#dawn#I was diagnosed with autism when I was 18 btw. I feel like thatā€™s relevant to these tags.#I feel like sheā€™s the type whoā€™d feel like she needs to look cute and palatable all of the timeā€¦ but I will always make sure that sheā€™s cozy#:)#I will never let my girl be cold just bc she wants to feel cute!!! especially when she wants to look cute for me!!!!!#sheā€™s always the cutest to me <3!!!
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giantkillerjack Ā· 9 months ago
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Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!
You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!
You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!
You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!
Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!
Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!
So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.
Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!
You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.
Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!
Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.
Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.
Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*
Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...
Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.
Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.
Better not get confident.
Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)
Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people
- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties
- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations
- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you
- you might start loving the effect you have on a room
- you might enjoy conversations more
- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently
- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations
- you might stop apologizing so much.
- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.
Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!
Why, it would be carnage!!
In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!
If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:
- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.
- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.
- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.
- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.
You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.
So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.
#social skills#i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag#original#maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title#in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You'#or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am#challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong.#and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment#for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the#most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than#most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny#(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility.#and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by#being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating#i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate#I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity.#when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to#really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would#go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people#it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party'#it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them#stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!'#I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in#order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially#autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules#and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules#but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!!#i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird??#I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind.#also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too
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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat Ā· 9 months ago
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yuta and suguru are my favorite jjk charactersā€¦i think i have a type
YOU DOOOOOOO YOU DO!!!!!!!! iā€™m also weak to men defined by their overwhelming devotion donā€™t worry anon šŸ«‚šŸ«‚šŸ«‚ this is a safe space!!!!!
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wifiwuxians Ā· 6 months ago
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ive ben having a bit of a time so i might take a little break. when i come back hopefully there will be art
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