#bc it did me a Big Emotion
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I have been trying ever since I first watched rwby to picture canon Tauradonna. The dates they'd go on, the hobbies they'd share, what intimacies they'd indulge
And I can't
There's just no romantic chemistry between them no matter how many "my darlings" the writers throw in last minute. While each character have qualities that make them attractive, there's nothing that truly shows why or how they're attracted to each other
Hell, the only answer the comics can give for why Blake was into Adam was the "I can fix him" mentality, which. Gross, but that's still more than anything we get for why Adam likes Blake. Maybe they both like sushi? She just fights real good? Who knows, man
As individuals, I can gleam an idea of the kind of lovers they'd be, but together? Does not compute
#rwde#doesnt help that adam simply Does Not Exist outside of either the white fang or blake#or that neither ever talk abt their past together. blake straight up never says what she did in the fang that she needs to atone for#shawluna why are you so allergic to details? give me the damn context!#anyway adam majors in acts of service while blake majors in quality time#i can only imagine them in a familial dynamic and i wish society would value chosen bonds just as much as romantic#i love the idea of blake reading to Adam during their down time and her copy of ninjas of love was a gift from him-#-bc he couldn't read that it was an erotica. he just saw ninjas on the cover and thought she'd like it#i think theyd also be big into practical gifts. horn oil and burn creams for him. art supplies and backup ribbons for her. things like that#*biting at the bars of my enclosure* WHY WASNT ADAM A REAL CHARACTER GIVE ME THE EMOTIONAL DRAMA I CRAVE SHAWLUNA#MESSY RELATIONSHIPS IN MESSIER SITUATIONS ARE MY JAM
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when a stranger tells whumpee that they're proud of them.
oh god, they haven't hear that in so long. And it's so genuine and they just can't believe that someone would feel that way about them. When they break down sobbing bc, stranger's proud? Someone is proud of them? It's been so long since they heard those words and someone actually meant it
#whump#whumpee#whump tropes#whump prompt#emotional whump#me#vent#im like actually crying#I like tried so hard not to cry in front of them#And I still did#But it was okay bc a few people were crying around us#We had a big event
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That fight had no right to make this emotional on a saturday evening (Whole Cake Island arc)
It’s the fact that, in many ways, it directly contrasted the Usopp-Luffy fight.
Usopp voluntarily left the crew and then challenged Luffy. He was completely and abundantly clear and honest about his intentions. So Luffy had no choice but to meet that determination with a true fight. He didn’t hesitate. He fought him, without regard to their difference in ability or friendship. Or more he fought him BECAUSE of their friendship.
But Sanji came to the fight hiding the truth.
He came to the fight with the intention of deceiving Luffy about his true feelings, his true motivations, and his reasons for fighting.
And Luffy knew that. Sanji was challenging him, and he would never backdown from that. But he wasn’t about to fight his friend knowing he didn’t actually want to fight.
So he can’t fight and he can’t leave. More to the point, leaving would mean he was taking Sanji’s word and abandoning him, when he KNOWS Sanji isn’t telling the truth.
So he stands his ground. He shows Sanji that he’s going to stay there until Sanji tells him the truth. It doesn’t matter how many times he kicks him. He says as much “I know it hurts you more”. He knows that Sanji is in pain with every kick and every blow.
Which is why Sanji is practically begging him to leave. Telling him over and over to go away. So that he can stop hurting his captain, the man who reinvigorated his dream, and the friend (or nakama may have the deeper nuance) whom he believes in absolutely. So he knows at least his crew and captain would be safe from the mess he has to deal with due to his biological family and the threat of a Yonko on his tail.
But he also knows how stubborn Luffy is. If Sanji can’t make him go, then knocking him out so he can leave him behind is the only option left. So he does. He pulls out one of, if not the strongest move in his arsenal and knocks him out.
Add insult to injury, Nami slaps him before he leaves. He couldn’t say a single harsh word to her. Could barely limit his interaction with her to a glare (which I posted about). She slaps him and lays down the only blow dealt in that whole duel, which adds extra impact to his betrayal. He couldn’t say a word in fear of her never ever forgiving him.
But with Luffy, he could get away with it. Putting aside his whole notion of chivalry, on a deeper level, he can say these things with a tiny kernel of subconscious hope within him.
It’s the fact that part of him knows Luffy can sense everything he’s feeling, even if he doesn’t know why, and feels safe enough to say those harsh words to Luffy. His overwhelming trust of Luffy stays strong somewhere deep in his subconscious, so even as he tries desperately to sever ties, he knows Luffy may one day forgive him.
And to confirm that. Luffy calls after him.
“I know you’re lying. I know you didn’t want to do that. I know you’re hurting more than I am. I still need you. You’re my cook. I can’t become Pirate King without you. I won’t leave without you. I won’t eat unless it’s your food! So make sure to come back!”
So, like me, Sanji can’t do anything but cry as they leave Luffy and Nami behind. Even as his conscious brain despairs at having betrayed his captain and crew, it’s extra bitter knowing Luffy still believes in him after all that.
#i’m emotional#how did y’all deal with this#I’ve finally reached the part of the story that was airing when I first started watching one piece from the beginning#like I’d seen the 4kids dub but 2013-2016 was my great anime era and so I started the OP journey around when Whole Cake first dropped#or midway through.#bc all the amvs we’re about Sanji vs Luffy and the shot of Sanji crying was in all of them#it’s confused me this whole time timeline wise#bc I knew about Luffy withering away to nothingness but I was also trying to figure how he defeats big mom#while staying in the spot he swore he would stay in#but apparently the fight is coming to him!#one piece#manga#anime#whole cake island#monkey d luffy#Sanji vs Luffy#Sanji
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ive talked in the past about keroro's desire to keep things as they are, static, because it's the only way he can have both keron and earth, but while rewatching ep140b I realized it shows the opposite side of this struggle
that no matter his efforts, it's a futile attempt and nothing is improving because everything is staying exactly the same. he spent a week racking his brain for a solution but the episode ends by showing us that he doesn't find one. could it be because the whole time he was fighting alone?
(his voice breaks in the first screenshot...) this to me feels like the same motivation he would have for invading. wanting to leave a mark, making something of yourself, mattering.
chibikero is in shadow, like the gunpla's shadow. he's not real anymore but he represents all the expectations and lost potential on his shoulders. while the small gunpla is in light like keroro. that's the reality of it. but that's also how he feels. small. he hasn't achieved any of his goals. he hasn't lived up to anything he said he would, everything he based his identity on. he's a "pitiful invader". his desire to matter perfectly encapsulates his abandonment issues too.
this collection will outlive him. it will speak of his greatness when he's gone. it's as much his identity as the invasion. it's also his tomb in the exact same way.
he's so happy for a moment organizing his whole collection on the shelves that he thought were gonna solve everything, enjoying the moment as it was, but in the end nothing changed.
is it because he's expendable? easily replaceable, like by a clone? is it because he doesn't see his own worth, so he has to get some (the keron star, his collection, the invasion)? because if he's not useful, he'll be thrown out? or because he doesn't want to be forgotten and left behind?
and yet
he remains insignificant and his fight is fruitless.
#keroro#musing#i love chewing on keroro meta analysis especially visual and size related. being too small and insignificant or being so big u -#take up too much space and are a weight to everyone#i need to know the meaning of the single red zaku in his terracotta army. i will not believe it's just a char nod#and also what in the fuck is the string chibikero wiggles. please help i wanna know so bad. like that does that MEAN#this episode holds so many misteries still#ep 140b#i rewatched it bc ya gurl spent a lil too much money on keromerch after the dramatic incident so i was like oh he just like me fr#i have been so so busy these days that i cant keep my watch and it's killing me. let me watch keroro in peace pls... i hate studying#i did not mean to make a musing post but it just happened it came outta me on its own#the way keroro's room looks is EVERY TIME a meta thing on its own. it says something of his emotions. thats why he stands on top of-#the boxes at the end when he thinks he has overcome it and solved it. wait no this deserves better than tags i will make a separate post#about this
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Just over here punching myself in my own stomach thinking about what must have been going through Royston's stupid fucking head when he sent Sullivan that locket with his hair in it in 1872.
#dmls-spoilers#i don't think he did it during the original iteration of events but by the first or second loop#the thought of him trying to come up with a way to get sullivan to remember him/not be mad at him/whatever he was thinking#and then sullivan couldn't even keep the damned thing after he was injured bc he was trying to hide the relationship from the army#so he didn't even have that when he was in prison for four fucking months and he sure as shit didn't have it when he went to fort cano#sullivan has the locket now that they've escaped the Big Time Loop and i just made myself emotional remembering that oops#they're both so attached to the tokens they sent each other when they were “courting” it gives me heartburn#that's it. that's the stomach-punch. back to work.
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fuuuuuuuuuuuuck i forgot in epic iii in the live cast recording when hades sings back to orpheus so softly and hesitantly. after his big blustering I CONDUCT THE ELECTRIC CITY and all. after his mocking 'since my wife is such a fan'. his big show of power and he lets orpheus sing almost as a joke and then he is fucking rent asunder by it. GODDDD FUCCCCCKKKKKKK
#ignore me#HADESTOWN GOOD. DID EVERYONE KNOW HADESTOWN GOOD?#LOOK. LISTEN. YOUR PROBLEMS WITH IT AS AN ADAPTATION ASIDE. BC I KNOW THERE ARE SOME.#CONSIDER IT AS A PIECE ABOUT THE POWER OF MUSIC. AND FEEL EMOTIONS ALONGSIDE ME. THANKU#consider that i also need him carnally based on voice alone. and that the bluster of the previous song was very big for me personally#and to see it totally undone like this is even bigger for me even more personally#and i WILL be in my bunk
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lol i love how yesterday morning i was like “i love nightmares pls send me one” and i had 3 back to back 💀
*hesitantly* i ... i love nightmares..? send me one... once a week? no, twice a week
#one was living in a kind of big 1 story house w other ppl and trying to survive a bear attack#my middle dream i don't remember#and my third dream is kind of long to explain ૮ – ﻌ–ა#but basically me n a bunch of other ppl were trapped in a big house by ppl who were analogous to the iof and we needed to get out#before they killed us all.. most ppl were too scared to try running but compliance does not guarantee safety.. only 2 others left w me#and there was some thing.. like an ogre ig?? sorta looked like a v tall v buff dude and he kept trying to throw a ball at us w full force#but it hits like a cannon so we had to dodge that or be obliterated (´-﹏-`;) we made it but i def left some stuff behind back at the#house like my wallet n maybe my phone etc so they had more info to go off of but i woke up a lil after the ogre guy#all i remember from the second dream is i remember being atop a large tower and the stones in the walls were part of an#ancient magical seal that had something to do w the creator's connection w birds and it was sort of a sacred site?#bc the stones together formed an invisible barrier over the area and birds were attracted to the area. u could pull the stones out#the wall if u wanted to 🤭 ur not supposed to but You Could. all else i remember is being in my car w three others#w me in the back and we drove past a fucking tornado akfkakak. i don't remember the actual plot of that dream or what#pushed it into nightmare territory but i have had quite an adrenaline filled night 🫡 being locked up in the torture/slavery/prisoner house#was the one that made me get up. where did these come from???¿ i basically just fell asleep watching Steven universe#👉🏾👉🏾 at least they weren't emotional nightmares.. i much prefer situational ones
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every day i think about the ansur plot in act 3 could've actually had emotional weight if larian studios gave a shit about wyll. damn.
#like the whole gauntlet is about expressing the type of heroism that wyll has striven for his entire life.#the way the quest is so prototypical in it's fairy tale sensibility of the honest and true hero awaking a dragon under the city and -#saving the day and he goes through this whole gauntlet that's a test of how well he ascribes to the ideals of balduran and his father -#and everything he ever clung to to validate himself to himself after being coerced into mizora's deal as a 17 year old kid and then -#he succeeds! he passes the tests! only to find that ansur (literally named answer) is an undead abomination you have to put down#like it's SO SAD. and to me a big part of his story is accepting who HE is. seeing himself outside of his deal w mizora or what his father#wanted him to be and the fact that wyll isn't allowed to have a big emotional reaction to the ansur situation is so annoying#in fact wyll doesn't EVER get to have an emotional reaction to anything bc larian studios doesn't care enough to flesh his story out -#despite giving him one of the most interesting ideas for a character in the game! like act 3 should be WYLL'S act! he's so tied into -#everyone important in that act that it's actually a crime that he's sidelined the most there and he doesn't have enough vocal fans -#that larian studios will ever care enough to patch his story or add anything like they did for karlach or astarion. it's so dumb.#and it sucks that the writers don't recognize wyll's abuse bc his abuser is a hot devil lady. what she does to him is sick. god.#anyway. whatever.#baldur's gate 3#my posts#.txt
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can we talk about how it honestly kinda sucks that leafpool’s “climatic main character death” happens in a book that has barely anything to do with her
#you would think that in a book where the main characters sister dies… the book would… idk…#be about the two sisters…?#be about their relationship and reconciling with what they did in po3 and how they exist in the clan now after its blown over#theres some emotional support on both sides but thats not what the book is about. the book is about bramblestar and squirrelflights argument#squilf isnt concerned about what happened in po3 and how all that affected her as a mom. she wants a new litter#and the three being her kits too is just alluded to a few times. otherwise its just abt sparkpelt#(and alderheart too but tbh hes barely in this. hes background noise. which i welcome but its kinda funny to me#the book features his mom…. youd think she’d have more to say or do with her son but hes so nothingburger)#ppl are like ‘’no leafpools death was respectful bc it was in a big super edition!’’#but i dont think that means much when her death was actually revealed in tbc#we all learned through a blurb#and the book she dies in is only kind of about her if you squint#its even more egregious with that prologue. which is effective at setting up the tragedy later but like. what sbt the in between?#cant you give the two sisters more heart to heart convos unrelated to bramble or motherhood?#sqh liveread
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OMG you like moral orel?? who is your favorite character :]c *Blinking and fluttering my eyelashes beautifully*
i watched the whole thing in a few days, ended yesterday. My faves are nurse bendy and joe (together and as a unit), stephanie (individually and then as a unit with the reverend but i dont like him individually), + danielle, of course
#idk how to feel about it in general i know there was more planned but it got cancelled but it still ended too suddenly ykwim#i liked what we saw at the end with orel finding family elsewhere (before he grows up)#i like orel himself outside of the wacky edgy adult themes of it all as a Kid who is Good#when i was watching that last episode i got a bizarre kind of emotional bc when he first poses the Big Question i Knew#that the answer was that the only good thing abt his father was that he had a hand in making him#i get so sad with stories involving children like dis 😭#i feel like even if it was fully complete the show had more potential ykwim....i know the Tonal Shift makes the impact more...impactful#but i feel it cldve been handled differently or in different amounts. idk!#skunk mail#pawzcore#i also get its bc the eps are short but nature 1 and 2 didnt impact me the way it did others#like. idk. i knew beforehand it was the serious moment(s)/episode(s) but it wasnt presented in a way that#actually shifted My mood when watching it...clay's nonchalance from the eyes of me as a viewer#just comes off as humorous rather than serious ykwim? not that its funny but it doesnt feel high stakes at all#the whole thing didnt feel high stakes or serious unless u remove it from the context of the show youve been watching#for 2 seasons#its fucked up when you see it on paper but then in the show its different....if that makes sense
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of course the night i need to get to bed at a reasonable hour bc i have a early rise is ruined by my own brain working me up into a complete meltdown 😵💫 i am a prisoner to myselfffff
#i feel so so bad. tbh#tw for child abuse but i need to vent#i was watching a rlly good doc series on behavioral schools for teens which are pretty horrific and even though i never went through#anything like that. but just hearing the subjects from the doc talk about how they feel ruined after being destroyed like that as kids just#has me really emotional and i cant stop thinking about it bc i feel the same way i feel like ill never be who i could have or should have#been but what i went through just ruined me and ill never be okay i just feel fragile and mournful of myself i know nothing could have#saved me like its some big cosmic joke on me. and i never did anything to deserve that#no kid does amd yet it fucking happens and it happened to me witj zero repercussions which is almost what hurts the most#i just feel like a goddamn blubbering mess with a knawing black pit in my heart and i am never going to get to sleep at this point.#fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkk i just for once would like to feel okay about my past and my future like is this the me that ill always be?#broken and blubbering? fuck it feels awful. anyway. prob delete later but i just needed it off my chest#h
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hey so like. this is crazy
#profound apologies ik everyone is feeling many emotions and have been for a while and this is massively unhelpful but#the privilege of being distracted by the pure post tit show high has allowed me to tune out a lot of realizations starting to sink in#how the fuck. why. how did we do this again#i know yall know i be yapping about being canadian but we’re all smart people we realize that us politics affects other countries#esp us. and the middle east#as if we’re not in our own political hellspace right now#politics is a big part of my life school and work wise and i admire people doing the hard work bc it can truly feel like running in circles#or talking to brick walls sometimes#but we have to keep going. and doing the work and having the uncomfortable conversations and using our voices#bc no one is going to do it for you#trying not to doomscroll and keep this a positive space just needed one yapping in the tags esque post#gentle reminders if you’re reading this drink some water and move around#do some light stretches or I highly recommend youtube dance workouts great way to get some energy out while you can still be comfy at home#ok sorry gonna think about sister daniel again#blossoms.txt
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I could play one of the most beautiful well crafted video games on the planet and it will never be as appealing to me as one that kind of sucks shit but has soooo much potential
#merlin.txt#just finished cyberpunk#i feel like they could have done sooo much more with the concepts they had#the game showed us a bit of everything in the world but i dont think they explored any one topic enough#and they pulled a ton of punches. the ending did not feel like this big 'grab your allies and fuck the corpos' thing it shouldve been#it was mostly just tying up johnnys loose end. one big loop. which i fuck with; but it wasnt rlly anticapitalist at all in that sense#i have a bunch of other thoughts on johnny but ill save it#but god. the beginning (act 1 and the first bits of act 2) where just soooo fucking good#and it rlly felt like it was going to gear up into this huge thing instead of just being one last hurrah for rogue and johnny#AUUUGHH theres just So Much Potential. goddamn#imo i think the major thing is that at some point it stopped being v's story. it was everyone elses#he has Very little agency. which is interesting but man this guy deserves better#when it comes down to it the game Is really shallow. whenever there is any sincerity in themes its very centrist#the fact is you dont rlly meet many characters in game who are Truly working to take down corps except for johnny and he doesnt rlly count#and if there Are its usually played for irony and laughs (looking at kerry) or theyre flat out kind of awful.#judys story is probably the best of the companions bc shes actively trying to help sex workers and its played very positively#i also think two of the main themes (letting go of the past; what it means to die) are Majorly helped by some incredible emotional beats#and w/o some just Really Really good scenes and good repetition of lines and motifs its very tropey.#ok i wasnt going to write a full thing. but let me be clear: i fucking loved this game. i would not be writing so much if i did not love it#the sun ending was Still soooo vindicating. v is still kicking and that's all that matters to me#(it helps that v is a Great protag like one of the Best voiced rpg protags next to hawke da2)#(which is kind of a funny comparison since i think both protags suffer from a lack of agency)#ok im done now
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"The old McDonough family estate. So many childhood memories. After you would beat me, or humiliate me, or psychologically torture Mom, I'd visit this well - I'd toss a penny inside and wish you'd drop dead."
#I'm finally writing my big well-symbolism essay that I've been threatening to write for like year or so#and I swear I'm getting more annoying by the word#izombie#blaine debeers#cw abuse mention#fandom#one thing I changed my stance on is the 'psychological torture Mom' part bc I always thought he specifically meant emotional abuse#but he very specifically named that when talking about his own experienced '(humiliate me) - so the fact that he uses this term for what#Angus did to his mother actually make think whether other factors were at play on top of that (like gaslighting)#bc if Angus drove her insane deliberately...I feel like that adds some undertones the whole story#(especially bc every single person in that family ends up losing their mind)
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me when ihave a dream about my 3rh closest friends all beyeaying me 🤯🤯🤯
#vent#duh#it was sostupid too im jjst. an idiot and emotional and i hate being left out and everyoneknows that wnd that dream has genunlu runed my day#woke up sobbing oops!and in that drupid thing everyome was like get over it itsnkt a big deal like ok sorry. sorry sorrywjqyever#amd none of themare here rigjt now and i miss them all so much and its not fair because ik they wuld never just abandon me for eahc otherbut#everytime i introduce my feiends to each other its like oh duh juli they like each other more! what did u expect! and im the stupidone for#feeling upset at being left out asthey go on witjout me and its like ok talk witjoug me whatever idc but. reallh. really#i was gonan wake up early and do all this stuff but i dont wang to get up anymote im so tired already i feel horrible#idec ab the otjer ppl calling me atupid and emotional or whatever buf ughj b#on the other hand in that dream i did a one pull and got childe twice excepf there were 2 versions of him for some reason???#like u could be childe OR tartaglia ?! idek what fhe difference was one jusg looked younger#erm. anwyay ☺️#post#maes tag#to delete#actually idk if fheyre aroun d rn im kind of too scared to do anything relagimg to them bc what if my nightmare was True!#(def wasnt)
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if i was a writer on amc’s iwtv and i wanted to give louis cool vampire powers i simply would’ve magnified his “gift of knowing others’ suffering” into an actual empathic dark gift. RIP to those bastards who butchered his character but i’m different.
#every few months i simply HAVE to bring up my Big Brain Theory that louis actually does have empathic powers#it would've been such a genius way for the show to establish that louis is Full Vampire without stripping him of his foundational qualities#Louis has always had a hard time disconnecting from his victims but it's not as straightforward as the mind gift#it makes total sense to me that Louis could have the power to absorb human emotions and lestat just dismissed it lmfao#and then Louis never learned to use it bc he didn't realize it was A Thing so he just continues to Suffer#they even could've kept the camp and humor with louis 'accidentally spellbinding' mortals like he does in the books!!#literally anything would've been better than what they did with the food/sex/home bullshit asfdagfchvsbcdkjahsbdc
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