#bc if you dont see this as an issue youre part of the problem and if you do then youre not

[monismochi]

I don't even stan riize, bc ive been out of the loop for a few months so I haven't seen them a lot but damn....

This actually has made me lose interest in the entire kpop industry bc fck korea for normalizing this treatment and rewarding it. You can fuck off.. also. SM

Literally what the fck??? You've had several idols die under your contract for mental health issues, AND YOU SENT AN IDOL OUT WITHOUT ANYONE (No security, no management, no car????) After telling him he's spent 6 years training for nothing, to walk past hundreds of funeral wreaths WANTING HIS DEATH, and to what?? Be somehow ok????

Where was this behavior for fcking Taeil after he literally raped a woman and has allegations that SM covered up MONTHS ago.??? No upset??? No negative reactions from the company or sent rage from knetz????

Yet smoking (in a country where 30% of men smoke) and kissing a partner pre-debut resulted in a year of forced hiatus (where he was still practicing with members) and 1000 funeral wreaths sent to the label by knetz for his return. Which SM FOLDED to and didn't protect their idol from. Truly

This industry and the fans are so fcking fcked up in the head I'm so fcking angry.

Like yall can fck right off this is so fcking disgusting and I don't think I'll be able to see this industry w

[storm-of-feathers]

i wish more people understood the concept of activism burnout and compassion fatigue. you do like genuinely have to pick your battles, and that usually means something local that you can make a real difference with. if you get overwhelmed with every problem nothing is going to change.

[4unnyr0se]

Hi love your writing!! I havent touched HQ in 3 years but Im starting to love old characters I use to fall in love with like Asahi, Oikawa, Bokuto etc,,, so as my first req, could you pls write fem! Reader x Bokuto fluff in HS?

Like Bokuto trying to court the reader. How would that go? And how did he finally ask us out?

Feel free to ignore this if you dont like the idea! Ty for ur time ��❤️🤍

❥ young love at fukurodani | kotaro bokuto

warnings: none that i can think of. this is pure fluff

MDNI | No 18+ content, I just don't want minors interacting with my blog

word count -> 1.6k

okay so aaaa this didn't rlly follow the ask bc all he does is ask reader to tutor him and then cute stuff happens but i can make a hc of it probably tonight or tomorrow?? also i wrote this when i was having tummy issues so im very sorry if its horrible. i love u!

got a request? my asks are open!

Bokuto wasn’t one to get embarrassed that easily. Sure, he did embarrassing things but didn’t know they were embarrassing. They were part of his boyish charm, which people loved about him…right? Of course, they did. He was Kotaro Bokuto. He was Fukurodani’s ace, and the people loved him for it. So why, if he was so confident, did he get awkward and embarrassed around you, his pretty classmate?

Saying you were gorgeous was an understatement. He couldn’t find the right words to describe you to his friends, mainly Akaashi. “She’s just like, y’know? And I’m like, oh damn! She’s cute as fuck!” Boktuo would make various gestures with his hands as he and Akaashi sat on the steps leading to the gym, sipping cola from the vending machine. “What do I do, Akaashi? She’s so pretty, and I’m pretty too! The only problem is that everyone else in our year thinks so, too…do I even have a shot?”

Akaashi would offer him a pitiful smile, rubbing his back in assurance. “Well, isn’t she one of the smartest in our year?”

“Yeah, smart and pretty. She’s so fucking perfect, I wish you could see her.” he pouted.

“Well, the answer is simple,” Akaashi said, standing up and stretching his arms above his head. Ask her for help with homework; god knows you need it.”

“Hey! I got a 41 on my chemistry test!” Bokuto yelled at Akaashi as the setter entered the gym. But he did have a point, like always. Bokuto decided then and there that he would ask you to tutor him tomorrow, no matter how anxious he was. Anxiety was for suckers anyway.

“Hey, wait up!” Bokuto ran after you as you exited your classroom, papers flying out of his messy bookbag that was riddled with stains from only God knows what. “I gotta ask you a question!”

You stopped walking and turned your heel, raising an eyebrow as the Fukurodani captain barreled towards you. “Hey, what’s up, Bokuto? How’s volleyball going? Are we headed to nationals?” you asked, placing a hand on your hip. God, even the way you held yourself was perfect. Were you an actual goddess, or was Bokuto just lovestruck?

Bokuto finally caught up to you, leaning against the hallway walls in an attempt to appear suave and put-together. His messy uniform didn’t help his cause, but he forgot to look neat today. And every day after that. “Uh, I was wondering if you understood what we were assigned in English yesterday? I don’t understand any of it to save my skin, hah,” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking down at his shoes. “Did you get what our teacher was saying?”

“Yeah, it was really simple. Just basic grammar and syntax structures. Was it complicated for you?” you tilted your head to the side.

“I don’t really get it. Wanna tutor me at my house today? I can get you snacks!” he offered you a crooked smile, leaning forward so his golden eyes peered into yours. “C’mon, please? The coach will kick my ass if I don’t get my grades up, and I have a game next week! Pretty please?” he folded his hands in prayer, his bottom lip in a childish pout.

You smiled and nodded, grabbing him off the wall. Bokuto blushed at the sudden contact, noticing how neat you kept your fingernails compared to his own. Yours were neatly polished to perfection while he bit his nails almost constantly, and being a wing spiker didn’t come with having good-looking nails. 

“Where’s your house? Is it walking distance?” you let go of his hand, much to Bokuto’s dismay. 

“Yeah, it’s about five minutes from here. Wanna stop at a convenience store on the way? I’m really hungry.” he rubbed his stomach as you two walked out the nearest exit, your messenger bag dangling over your shoulder. 

“Only if you’re paying,” you joked, rubbing his shoulder. Bokuto could have sworn his heart stopped right then and there. Were you actually flirting with him, or were you just really touchy? Either way, it was a win in his book. 

“Sure, I don’t mind. Anything for a pretty girl like yo-” Bokuto stopped his sentence, smacking his hand over his mouth. “I-I mean, why wouldn’t I mind? I’m a captain, after all. It’s my job to provide for my teammates!”

“But I’m not on any sports teams. I’m not your teammate.” you deadpanned, 

“You know what I mean!” Bokuto whined, wiping his forehead of the sweat that was slowly starting to gather. “Damn, it’s a hot one today. Why won’t they let the guys wear shorts? Do they want us to die of heat stroke or something?”

“I honestly have no idea,” you sighed, walking under the shade of the convenience store roof. “Wait a minute,” you instructed, placing your messenger bag on the hot pavement. You shrugged off your school blazer and wrapped it around your waist tightly in an attempt to cool you off. You also rolled up the sleeves of your white blouse, loosening your collar. “Sorry, I’m just really warm. At least we get to wear skirts, right?” you offered him a lopsided smile.

Bokuto’s heart pounded in his chest. “Uh, yeah, you girls are so lucky. Wearing skirts must feel awesome.”

“It’s awesome until you catch someone trying to look it up,” you mumbled in annoyance, hoisting your bag over your shoulders. 

“What the actual fuck? Who was it? I’ll murder them! I'll text Konoha too; he’ll definitely want in on it,” Bokuto clenched his fists together, walking into the store with you. “I’m sorry that happened to you, honestly.

You shrugged your shoulder and rummaged through the ice cream pin, choosing a passionfruit-flavored ice bar. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it. I barely know you, anyways.”

“That doesn’t mean that I can’t protect you from jerks like that guy,” Bokuto angrily shoved his hands in his pockets, tapping his foot on the tile. He fished about 400 yen out of his pocket and handed it to the cashier, ushering you out of the shop as quickly as possible. 

“What was that for?” you asked, unwrapping the popsicle. 

“I didn’t like how he looked at you, that’s all.” Bokuto huffed. He made grabby motions for your bookbag, which you handed to him with a confused look on your features. “Let me carry that, please. You’re too pretty to carry heavy stuff around like that all day.”

You paused your walk and stared at Bokuto, blushing softly. “You think I’m pretty?” 

Bokuto slowly nodded and gave you a crooked smile, blushing in turn. “Yeah, I really do. I was afraid to tell you before, but now I’m all fired up. I wanna protect you from creeps, y’know?”

You popped the ice treat out of your mouth and stepped forward, smiling softly. “We barely know each other, and you want to keep me safe? We haven’t even hung out once.”

“We’re heading to my house right now, aren’t we?” Bokuto shrugged, his blush not fading. 

You chuckled and took another step forward, the tips of your noses brushing against each other. “Yeah, I guess we are,” you whispered, your lips dangerously close to his own. “You know, I always thought you were kind of cute. In the athletic kind of way, I suppose.”

Bokuto dropped the bags he held onto the hot concrete beneath you, praying they wouldn’t roll down the hill you were standing on. You two were in a remote location, and the tension was thick. “You think I’m cute?” he tilted his head to the side, his eyelids dropping halfway. 

“Mhm,” you purred, your popsicle dripping from the intense heat. “Super cute.”

“Fuck,” Bokuto’s hands hovered above your waist, unsure of what you wanted him to do. “Uh, is it okay if I kiss you? Please, cutie?” he quietly pleaded, your lips basically touching at this point. 

You smiled and nodded, holding your melting popsicle behind your back. “Mhm, it’s okay.”

Bokuto smiled as his lips interlocked with yours for a minute, savoring the sweet passionfruit flavor that coated them. His hands squeezed your waist childishly, never wanting this moment between the two of you to end. This kiss was exactly how he dreamed it would be, soft and perfect. Just like you.

You pulled away after a bit and giggled, your popsicle having since fallen onto the heated pavement. Your sticky hands cupped his face, the pads of your thumbs running over his defined cheekbones. “You’re a good kisser,” you pecked his forehead bravely. “Like, a really good kisser.”

“Same to you, cutie,” his hands left your waist, choosing to instead secure your wrists. “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that. So. Fucking. Long.”

 A chuckle escaped your lips as your hands fell to your waist again, intertwining your fingers with Bokuto’s. You had never notified it before, but he was much bigger than you. It made you feel safe and secure. Protected. “We should probably get to your house to study, shouldn’t we?” 

“Aw, I was having so much fun kissing you on the sidewalk!” Bokuto pretended to whine, kicking a loose pebble that was in his way. He easily picked up the bags with his spare hand and tossed them over his broad shoulder. 

“Tell you what,” you squeezed his hand. “For every question you get right, I’ll give you a kiss. Does that sound like a fair deal?”

“Hell yeah, it does!” Bokuto kissed you on the cheek in excitement. He practically skipped to his house with you in tow, excited for what the rest of the day would have in store.

[blackpilljesus]

I've not dated or had close relations with moids in years. I've been on the path to spending the rest of my days as a single childfree woman & committing to it as an osawoman. During this time here's what I've learnt, shorter version here:

This lifestyle is a privilege - being able to exist without having to directly depend on a moid romantically/sexually is a luxury. Know the privilege you have and how you can take full advantage of it and keep yourself set. We arent living this way solely bc we're smarter, we were just momentarily luckier. Most women are a political/natural disaster away from losing everything. Bear this in mind; along the way think of "what if" to best start preparing yourself.

Dont bother justifying your ways to people - Most wont and dont want to get it. Save your breath. By getting into back and forth arguments over not marrying moids & not having children you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by giving them more fodder to counter. They wont change their minds. End the conversation short & move on.

You cant save everybody - Ditch the saviour complex. We all get dealt bad hands in life; some worse than others. Other peoples lives arent your responsibility, there's only so much you can do because you've got your own issues too. Besides some are too far gone, you'll only end up drowning or being burned trying to save others especially if they dont want saving.

Recruitment is a waste of time - I often see extensive discourse around this topic w/ some women trying so hard to recruit others into this lifestyle or being separatists, wgtow, etc. All this does is waste time that can be spent on building instead. If some women dont get it oh well it's not the end of the world (although every woman does get it, they're just doing what they can t survive) it doesn't matter long term TO YOU because if you're serious you dont need other womens understanding/stamp of approval to build a network/resources for women; you can get started without them; heck some may join once they see the value like how so many women broke up with their partners after watching the barbie movie. Some women are more focused on recruitment than living the single childfree life they claim to be about and it consumes them - dont let recruitment consume you. Besides other women willingly engaging with moids buys you some time; those who know - know.

Most activism is a waste of time. Things only change when it benefits those in power but they will never relinquish their power entirely. It's great to put knowledge out there for others to learn but getting into discourse having to justify yourself & being swallowed by your activism will do more harm than good. Most activism is a stepping stone at most for the next chapter of your life. Learn to game the system instead of changing the system.

Focus on yourself. Everything as we know it is rooted in the system that has been perfected over the millenias. The problems of misogyny, racism, ableism, etc have existed before we were born and will exist after we die (part of why im not birthing into this mess). Trying to change it is a losing battle. This doesnt mean dont advocate or care about anything but look out for yourself first & be comfortable learning to existing between the cracks. It'll be quite the exercise tho as we've been socialised to prioritise others.

This is not a lifestyle one simply chooses it's something that chooses you. This isn't for everyone, those who know; know. If you require a lot of convincing or handholding then it isn't for you.

It gets lonely. Not because of not having a moidfriend; even when partnered with them many women still feel lonely. It's because most women are moid centric / obsessed and would want to be partnered with an xy someday or already are. Very few women truly commit to or understand this lifestyle irl tbh. Even my moots who are separatists or just single & childfree are halfway across the world. However that said, many women in the community can also be toxic; holding each other to high standards and there being constant bickering. You can befriend moid partnered women but be careful with them. We're surrounded by the system, existing out of core elements of it will come with a degree of isolation but on the bright side there's also peace if it all goes well.

Less is more. The less you say to others the less ammunition they have to hit you with. Bragging about this lifestyle to our predators will only make things harder because they've already got a huge upperhand. Too many of us moving in one go will bring unprecedented waves we're not ready to deal with. See 2, 3, and 4.

Ignorance is not bliss. Completely cutting off from xys including knowledge of their evil will make you unprepared should a threat strike. Not understanding moids nature is how some women think things are as easy as getting up and walking away without considering security & other factors then get suprised when moids strike. I'm not saying drown in true crime & xy evil but dont stray too far you lose touch of reality. Side note this is why women are gaslit about moids nature so that they dont have the chance to effectively prepare. Stay informed. I constantly learn from the women around me. Pay attention to xy motives & tactics. The power they hold, possible moves they may play etc. You wont be able to know/guess everything but stay in the loop nonetheless.

You will make mistakes be prepared to learn

It gets easier to control your attraction to moids overtime (if you're osa) as your focus is elsewhere as you realise there is a more fulfilling world out there beyond marriage & kids. Also life is just so much better. I know most women want the fairytale prince charming or an angel nigel but it's just not happening. Especially in a world like this. The freedom to be able to exist as a person & not a slave/punching bag for a rape ape is BLISS. You get so comfortable with it you wont wanna be with moids anyway especially when you see what other women go through. (Side note this is why women are pushed to being with moids as early as possible so this level of enlightenment is never reached & instead all women know + become accustomed to is suffering at the hands of moids).

As time passes and you mature into this lifestyle you can tell who's new and who's got skin in the game. I wont elaborate here as it'll digress and this note is long as is but those who know; know.

There's so much work to be done it'll last a lifetime. This lifestyle ain't easy. It strays from the norm so the typical guardrails that come with traditional options are out of the picture. The good news is that you can spend time crafting your own blueprint to follow or share with others who are willing. There's such little in terms of infrastructure & resources for single childfree women and yeah xys will likely try to destroy these things but at the same time if it can be done go for it and bear xy threat in mind we gotta start somewhere.

A purpose/guide is important. It's something that's going to guide your life through the ups and downs because it wont be a smooth ride but it'll be something that can make you in situations that break you. This isn't a "fuck you" to moids directly, it's about ourselves. Seeing this lifestyle as some type of "gotcha" against moids will only make things harder and lowkey misses the point of decentering them. I have my reasons for never getting married or having children that are solid (if you need inspiration checkout r/breakingmom on reddit). True comes from seeing something as bigger than yourself; find a purpose in this line of life to keep you going.

Invest in yourself. Personally, financially, etc. Pretty obvious but especially now that you're going to be more alone you need to be able to count on yourself more. With enough investment it can help other women too.

Invest in female network. No gyn is an island. Even though I'm not much of a social person the friends I have make my life better; they've been supportive but also honest. Also support female centric spaces online & offline; they're all that we have lest we be banished to the silo prison of the "nuclear family" or exploitative misogynistic communities.

Get comfortable disassociating/cutting people off. If you want to survive some things/people will simply just have to go.

You arent owed anything from other women, but you dont owe them anything either. The operating word here is owed, I aint saying women shouldn't help each other - I'm saying dont feel entitled. The feminist "girls support girls" schtick is bullshit. We're in a cold world full of ruthless oppression where everyone is just trying to survive however they can; in many cases it helps women survive when they turn on other women instead of on moids. Solidarity works because those who have solidarity politically speaking are people with power, it works in their interest to stand & work together as to keep + maintain their privileges in society so there wont be much female solidarity as in many cases it's not worth it to women long run. It aint right but that's how they perceive it so watch your back.

Everything is political. Always remember this. Many (privileged) people try to downplay politics & its effect but it runs our world which is why they want you blind to it. Pay attention.

There's merit to being around like-minded women even if it's just online. Like I said before it gets lonely. Very few women are willing to face & accept the truth about maIes. Being around like-minded women can be depressing sometimes as they drop blackpills bitter than you can initially handle but at least you dont feel so isolated/crazy.

[onlyjaeyun]

alright, i'm gonna address this ask once and then just not respond to anything else, even the asks supporting me bc im a little exhausted and on the verge of losing motivation so i dont wanna trigger it by going back and forth with people. yet this does not mean i dont deeply appreciate everyone's sweet messages. means the world to me to know you all have my back like this, so thank you so much 🤍

once and for all: this is fiction. fiction, meant for adults hence the MDNI/18+ in my bio, basically plastered all over my blog.

every character ive created so far is just that. a character. and i need some of you guys to understand that this is what (fan)fiction is about. the smoking, the family trauma, the lack of self awareness, their sexual activities and coping mechanisms, everything regarding and about my characters was created by me and most of the time intentionally.

one thing that also needs to be clear is that you can't just run around policing grown people in their asks talking about such significant issues and throwing around accusations like that because not only is it deeply offensive but it's also very, very dangerous. you misunderstood my post and assumed i'd use sex and sexual intimacy to have him make up for his wrongdoings when that is NOT what i said at all. just please be careful the next time because i understand where you came from but i did not deserve that.

what i also wanna address is the part with me having "impressionable readers" because this is very important to me as a smut writer.

i have set clear boundaries that i do not want any minors on my blog, point blank. now, we all know they're still around. is that my responsibility? no. am i supposed to give a fuck about people who are apparently old enough to consciously read trigger/content warnings and continue to read my work? fuck no. is it my job to educate those impressionable people that they shouldn't read smth if they can't differentiate fiction from reality. NO.

that's all im gonna say to this because yes, there are impressionable readers out there but that is NOT my responsibility.

im tired of people constantly policing me and the things i write when im a grown woman who knows exactly what she's doing. if you hate CH!sunghoon so much and are so uncomfortable with his progress, then don't read it.

saying this for everyone yet again:

if you do NOT like a writer's work, you do NOT have to READ it.

this is tumblr. i write things for FUN. i publish them for you guys to read for FREE. i dont owe anybody shit. im so, so sorry if this makes some of you angry or upset now but at the end of the day it's the truth. this is my blog and my writing and i will do whatever the fuck i want and unfortunately you have no choice but to live with it.

i appreciate constructive criticism but i will not and never in the future let anyone be so mean to me and accuse me of things when you usually just see and read and hear what you want and make up your own version of the story when it's so, so far away from the truth.

pls do not attack the nonie bc i know this is the result of a misunderstanding but it was a good opportunity for me to address the whole impressionable reader situation.

if you can't differentiate fiction from reality that's your problem, stop making it mine.

thank you so much for everything, nothing but love 🧸🩷🎀

[hapfish]

Hey! I'm making a F!Leo cosplay and I was wondering if you have any advice for how to do the shell? The plastron, specifically. Yours was amazing! Ty xx

Yeah of course!!! Luckily the rise plastrons are very geometric so its pretty easy to make a pattern from it! I dont have pictures of early steps so pls bear with me <3 info n pictures below the cut

First thing i did was make a pattern of my torso with plastic wrap and tape so i could see the curve of my stomach and chest. Cant say this helped a TON, but i cant imagine things in my head, so it helped me conceptualize the size and dimensions i would need the front panels to be to cover my torso.

Next i started sketching small patterns for what the cut outs may look like. DEFINITELY make a paper pattern, this took a lot of trial and error and you dont want to waste too much foam. I cannot for the life of me find my paper patterns unfortunately, but hopefully you can see part of where im coming from with the detailed pictures of the plastron!! I made patters for 1/2 of the plastron, and flipped the patters over to make the other half mirrored and symetrical.

Now the cutting. I used .7mm foam (i think?? I got it from micheals. Joann fabrics has some but only small sheets. If you want less seams you should get the bigger ones, or buy massive sheets online. EVA foam isnt too hard to find, but make sure your density and width is appropriate for what youre making. When actually cutting the pieces out, some cuts will be flat while others may work best at an angle. I used mostly 90* and 45* angles to make clean edges and corners.

Bear with me bc the pictures in this next part are kinda uglie </3 ill explain why later.

For matching the curve of the body, i used a fresh blade and made shallow triangle cuts on the backside of the foam as can be seen here:

It would have worked better if the chest pieces were also vurved by i was on a time crunch and didnt have the time to make a 3rd or fourth plastron (yes this was a second fully completed attempt orz). Im also a bigger dude so it may be easier if your torso is smaller. I also had the benefit of making my pants from scratch (using a demon slayer uniform pattern that i altered) so i made the waistband big enough to tuck the shell into, which helped with keeping it curved around my body.

(This but only applies to future leo and i did post gluing the pieces together, but for his Top Surgery Scars™️ i cut into the chest at a 45*angle, then glued those pieces back onto the back side to seal the cut)

For gluing, i tried a whole lot of types but jothing worked as well as cement glue. It is toxic tho so make sure you do it outside or with good ventilation, and wear gloves/a mask. I did two layers on each edge then stuck the edges together, 3 if i noticed the foam absorbing it to much. Make sure you take the gluing slow and really put pressure on the pieces to lock them together. Follow the instructions and youll do fine.

For painting, i did 2 layers of modge podge, 1-2 priming layers (depends on if foam is white or black to start), and then whatever layers you need for a smooth coat of color. I topped it off with modgepodge again to seal it, but that may not have been the best idea for the following reasons....

EW YUCK. WHY IT LOOK LIKE THAT.

Well. It didnt always. Turns out when youre wearing approx 3 laters in the summer then cover your body with insulating foam, the heat and moisture makes the modgepodge MELT. and like i said before, this bottom portion was tucked into my pants so it did not breathe. I have yet to even try to find a solution but just keep it in mind when making your cosplay (and if you find a solution PLEASE LET ME KNOW! My one idea was tryna find a sealant that wont melt (obv) but idk what that would be)

And FINALLY. how to secure it to the body suit!! I used snaps!! So easy and nice (besides the melting issue but thats a different thing entirely.) They never came off or gave me problems (minus the melting) and made the shells easy to transfer/travel with and put on.

(Heres a pic of them on the suit sewn in by hand, and above you can see them on the shell itself.)

All in all, The plastron was so so hard and im honestly still not happy with it, planning to remake it before i wear him again. Please show me your cosplay when you finish it, id love to see!! Please lemme know if you have any other questions!! 🐢💙

[venranae]

Not to mention how the villains had. Valid point about issues in society!!! And now they’re dead no one’s going to deal with those issues, also the way mutant work rights was handled was bs 🤡 of course they were rebelling, they weren’t being allowed in to shelters, why didn’t the heros with mutant quirks help their own people instead of just attacking spinner??? There are VALID concerns going on in their world but they think killing the villain will what? End racism??? Fix these issues??? Deku has just reinforced the status quo 🤡🤡🤡 if I have to see another ‘you can do it Deku’ panel I’m gonna scream! We skip out on villain focus for endless panels of people screaming you can do it Deku? Absurd

No because whats even the entire point of the story then? I genuinely dont understand? Why would you establish certain themes and problems if you're just gonna ignore them in the end? We constantly get hints how mistreated villains are and how society needs to change, hell we even start rooting for the villains at some parts bc we as readers see them as actual people with goals and feelings. How can the HEROES of the story just ignore that. Deku even wanted to save Tenko but it the end that saving is completely worthless if Tomura just turns to dust. Even if we have an aftermath with Deku going "akschually guys 🤓 the villains are people too" with maybe spinner being the last one standing ITS GONNA BE WORTHLESS BC ALMOST ALL VILLAINS GOT KILLED OFF. no consequences for their actions no redemption no rehabilitation into society. Apparently if you're an outcast and turned to a life of crime your only chance for redemption is dying. What a message. This is the most bootlicker-esque thing I've ever seen in a manga and i am genuinely disappointed if this is the end because i had so much hope. Ive been a fan since I was 15/16 and i am 22 now. Genuinely sad about seeing this.

[lonelyroommp3]

u dont have to answer this but i was wondering if u could elaborate on ur opinions about rpf -- bc i kind of agree with you that it's like, it's fine and it's not morally wrong or anything but it def is a little weird? idk ive never been able to rly explain my feelings about it so im curious what u think

honestly my main view on rpf (whether of the y/n self insert variety or the gay shipping variety) is it's literally fine as long as you're not putting it anywhere the people involved are going to see it. like when you boil rpf down to its bare essentials it is just fantasising about a famous person (or multiple famous people, in varying combinations), which is something human beings have been doing in their brains since people first started becoming famous. and i think expressing those fantasies through creative outlets like fic, art, 2013 polyvore outfit boards about going on a yacht trip with harry styles, etc is an entirely natural progression of that impulse

and in that way i sort of view it as similar to any other fantasy you might have about another human being: it is totally normal and essentially morally neutral, i hope you'd agree, to daydream about a person you fancy, whether those daydreams are PG-13 or heinously X-rated, whether they're a friend or acquaintance or stranger or celebrity. where it would become weird is if you went up to said person completely uninvited and said "hey, would you like to hear in elaborate detail about the things i thought about you doing to me while i was masturbating last night?" - and so i think the same applies to rpf. like obviously don't send your rpf to the person in question, don't show up with BLINK TWICE IF THE BABY IS FAKE signs to a louis tomlinson concert, archive lock your rpf on ao3, don't proudly post about it on websites that the people in question are active on especially in this age of algorithm-based social media where unless you lock your account you have no real surefire way of ensuring they'll never see it, etc etc. every time i see people talk shipping in the comments of an official f1 post a part of my soul dies

i think another big thing about rpf to me is that all celebrities are essentially playing a fictionalised version of themselves. no matter how authentic they seem to their fanbase, when you combine things like media training + PR/marketing obligations + building a Persona + the pressure of competing in a sport (for athletes) + the level of code switching inherent to being in what is essentially a public facing job, we as fans & observers are not seeing the real harry styles or taylor swift or charles leclerc or whoever else. we are seeing the version of that person that they want us to see (or, in the case of historical rpf, you're writing about a ghost reconstructed from fragments distorted through the lens of missing evidence, potentially biased historians, potentially even more biased first and third party accounts, etc), and so i don't really view rpf as inherently invasive because you're not really writing about the real person, moreso the constructed image of Celebrity Of Choice.

of course, that is not to say that rpf can never become invasive: the clearest example would be ship truthers harassing the people involved due to what they perceive as "evidence" of some great forbidden love story, but i'll be real there is a lot of F1 rpf specifically that i side eye from a distance because of how it will use drivers' intensely personal real life trauma as a plot point, which is a line i'm not really comfortable crossing with real living people, especially not when it comes to dangerous sports lmao. but i think that is an issue with some rpf enjoyers' boundaries and not an inescapable root problem with the very idea of rpf imo

[johannwolfgangvongoethe]

Some Personal Thoughts on Disability in Enstars

disclaimer: disability is a very broad term that covers many different experiences. i will be talking about physical disabilities since i feel most comfortable doing so/have experience with them. obviously that ignores a Huge part of what disability and chronical illness is and can be. but i think it is beyond my capabilities to talk about experiences i don't know much about.

alt caption: i think ritsu is a good character and im trying to explain to myself why

this is sort of a long post, sorry.

content warnings: i talk about ableism and touch on related topics such as dehumanization and objectification and such below. individual parts of this post have their own cw's.

Enstars Writing, Beloathed

to get this out of the way; it is bad sometimes. this is discussed very often. it doesnt depend on the authors either, in my opinion, some writers will hit you with something really troublesome only to (seemingly accidentally) invent human emotion and compassion in a different story. i dont want to repeat what others have said eloquently but there is a fair amount of imperialist worldviews, xenophobia, just racism really, transphobia, ableism, and copaganda to be found in enstars. this isnt about x character being x thing, but about how it is very noticable when the author of a story holds these worldviews and they bleed into their stories.

so that is not the greatest foundation if youre looking for well-written disabilities. but i wouldnt be reading enstars if i didnt think it genuinely is really really good sometimes. in my opinion, the way disabilities are portrayed is a mixed bag overall but there are some extremely worthwhile bits that touched me quite a lot.

What I personally understand as Well-Written Disability

the way disabled people suffer often goes unnoticed, and disabled people dont have a platform to talk about oppression. a lot of life-changing issues can go unnoticed to those unnaffected by them, even if they are in broad daylight: underfounded or entirely lacking healthcare, the way many healthcare systems are marketbased and ethics are prone to suffer bc of this (even under 'welfare' capitalism), a lack of equal marriage, the inaccessibility of the most basic and necessary facilities, financing care and the dependency on family/loved ones (both a logistical and psychological problem), the huge stigma against disabled people, etc, etc, you get me....

we need to write about people who need care, to keep them in mind at all times. disabled people are not a minority in a mathematical sense but in a hierarchical sense. it is naive to think of them as "a substancial percentage" of populations. as we age, we inevitably all enter the stage of needing care at some point. SO to an extend, i want to claim its a topic that affects every single person. yet disabled people are rarely a central topic anywhere. it is not enough to acknowledge them, we need to plan and think with them in mind. and Write with them in mind, i guess.

SO when i see fiction grapple the topic, i am usually really happy, even if the portrayal isnt ideal. (critical, maybe, but generally speaking very happy) pointing out "badly" written disabled characters is obviously not as easy as calling someone out for uncritically saying "i think eugenics are a good idea!!!" through fiction. people with that sort of facist mindset exist of course but ableism does not end there.

if i were to single out things i see often: i think the most disappointing thing a story can do is to - mention a disability without it ever having an impact on people in the story (-> the disability is basically nonexistent, has no impact or relevance, outside of a theoretical mention) OR - uncritically use a disabled character as a mere plot devise, without granting them the ability to speak (-> dehumanization, a lack of understanding that disabled people are, well, People. they do shit.)

and then of course there is fetishization, both in a literal sense and in an inspiration porn sense and the problem of turning disability into a caricature for jokes (either to other disabled people for their behaviour/body or to create a sense of satisfying superiority by laughing at them) but i feel like those problems explain themselves.

to apply these to very basic examples: i think often something like a robotic sci-fi prosthetic is not a good way to represent a disability because it fails to represent what people go through irl and provides a "magic fix" without repercussions. here is a really good post about it. about the plot device issue... i think it is similar to what people often criticise as "manpain". a disabled person will never appear or speak, they are demoted to being the reason an able-bodied character acts a certain way, like a lifeless accessory. this doesnt always have to be bad, esp if its just a sideplot! but it can get tiring if the audience never gets to learn about other aspects of the unseen character in question and we are only introduced to their suffering.

all of this to talk about gacha idol boys. it is how it is. anyway, this is roughly my mental state when i tackle enstars.

disclaimer 2: i am really just a kogaP. this influences which characters i encounter when reading. there are tons of stories i just never looked at and there is SO MUCh lore i just dont know about. please lemme know if you have additions to stuff i say/understand a character better/have related story recommendations! tl;dr the sakuma bit will be long.

disclaimer 3: i genuinely adore every single character mentioned below and am always excited to learn smth new about them. if i criticize writing, that has nothing to do with that character or their fans. it is about the writers.

the most obvious example. Eichi (content warning for brief mentions of self harm and suicidal ideation)

everything eichi does, he does with the knowledge he will most likely die young. that is a truly dramatic setup.

but before i get back to that thought. it always felt to me like eichis illness(/es) lack a certain sense of conciseness? i do not think you need to put a name and diagnosis on it for it to be relatable and real to readers, tbh!! though to achieve believability, there needs to be a good amount of consistency. what i can recall off the top of my head is the following:

he breaks down/straight up blacks out frequently due to weakness and dizzyness

measures were taken to secure his safety in those situations (the infamous Eichi-kun Gauge as seen in Element)

his stamina is seriously low

he coughs a lot

we saw him cough up blood (Daydream)

he relies on long hospital stays because his health needs to be monitored and/or supported this closely

he stays inside a lot (hinting towards problems with his immune system?)

being healthy enough to eat unhealthy food is a big deal to him, so there are dietary restrictions/it was necessary to precisely control what he eats

his grandfather, who died recently, is considered an outlier for how long he lived (so it IS hereditary)

which..... could be a lot of things...? or, more likely: a culmination of many things at once. if you have headcanons on eichis health, please lemme know!

but in addition to eichis terminal illness, there is a second quality to him that separates him from most disabled people: he is extremely wealthy. and his wealth is fundamentally important to stories. usually illness and poverty go hand in hand, since income is tied to the ability to work, which worsens an already bad situation. no matter how limited eichis actions are because of his body, the possibilties offered by his wealth make him a central figure in every overarching plot. in addition to this, his family is well aware of his consitution and he is a patriarchal leading figure to them, the head to their coporate hierachy. eichi is free of the things that usually rid the chronically ill of their safety and power: society (he is an idol and popular) and money (he is the richest boy in japan). if youd ask me, i think that while being chronically ill is of course physically taxing, the worse problem is the economic state it puts you in. eichi simply overcomes this? yes, he is terminally ill, his situation is terrifying. but he has an extraordinary amount of control while he lives. more than a poor yet able-bodied person may have.

his unique circumstances enable him to be incredibly active. this is so fun to read about in my opinion. its a fascinating setup to me. without casting any sort of moral judgement on his actions and the antagonistic role he plays; he is, excuse me for my phrasing here, a disabled power fantasy. (at least to me)

this is a double-edged sword to him. because of who he is as a person (ambitious, cunning, ruthless, diligent)

he lives in relative safety but his strong ambition and financial ability to fulfill his dreams tempt him to go past his limits. because his remaining lifetime is uncertain, the need to preserve the body he is given seems uneconomical (a mindset his upbringing and education as an heir to his family would have enforced imo) he is bound to break down sooner or later anyway. i think he begins to see himself and his body as a tool to achieve his goals and neglects spending time on anything BUT working towards them. so the moment he runs out of goals (like at the end of Element), his reason to "remain" becomes futile.

it really struck with me how he appears in Blackbird - emaciated, pathetic, purposefully neglected because he chose to be neglected and weak in an act of self harm bc denying medical attention (something that couldnt have happened otherwise) wataru has to remind him that no one died and the obvious connection to make is that the eccentrics are physically unharmed and starting over, that they should not be a source of guilt to eichi. but i think this is just as much about eichi himself. he might have expected to die since he left the hospital and overexhausted himself at school and as an idol. he didnt die though. it was a real possibility and seemed likely but he didnt. the neglect and indirect self harm here point out, to me, that he saw the "role" he gave himself as fulfilled at that point and waited to die.

eichi stands over economic or social factors that could ostracize and dehumanize him but funnily enough he manages to do so himself by treating his body as a tool and his happiness as an option that got overshadowed by a need to succeed.

this vulnerability makes him, despite how vague the descriptions of his illness are and despite how unrelatable his wealth is, a very satisfying character imo. it is engaging to me. certain limits are removed for him but he created new ones, specifically because he did not see himself as something worth sustaining once he becomes useless. imo, eichi applied the idea that a lifes worth can be measured in its ability to function in an industry to himself. and spiralled over it, entirely inverting his uncanny amount of bodily autonomy. it is clear how the situation he is in worsens his mental health like that. and how his mental health in turn worsens his physical health. it is inseperable.

i cant really get into !! era eichi because i genuinely just dont... know enough. the fine tradition of having a weekly H-Day stands out, though. after all, eichi has new bigger ambitions and is, once again, inviting his own ruin through overexhaustion. so his friends (the new addition of having friends is essential) had to forcefully make him stop for at least one day a week. that is pretty big. i think.

this is true for many marginalized existences so it of course applies to disabled people: if neither your surroundings nor yourself permit you to feel human and therefore assign your person an inherent worth and lovability... sometimes you need a friend to do so!!! social circles are the best support structure for your health.

The Sakuma Family

(i will get into ritsu and rei seperately later on. there are just a few concepts i want to get out of the way that apply to both of them.)

so... to get a little theoretical; the concept of "disability" relies on the concept of a "normative" human existence. "disability" is an otherness and can therefore easily be seen as a "monstrocity" in the eyes of ignorant people, something that instils fear. (there is a reason why a lot of horror exploits disabled bodies as a source of terror and uses mental hospitals as settings) from an able-bodied point of view it seems "desirable" to be a "normative human", yet the disabled person knows that is not a possibility and knows their worth and place as a human in human spaces. at least ideally. able-bodied people sometimes lack this understanding. there is nothing to be desired about an able body or fixed about a disabled body, beyond what medical care can do for ones quality of life.

if you have read operetta, this is all very familiar;

operetta, chapter 17 and, well, here we are. vampires. a very basic truth about the sakuma family that i hate to see denied is that they are human. there is nothing supernatural about them. they are just disabled. or, to turn the idea around, if one was to assign them vampiristic traits and such... is vampirism not a disability and should be taken seriously as such? if you consider the limits a vampire has while coordinating through their life, is that not... strangely just a disabled experience? (MINUS THE KILLING PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY but much modern fiction is sympathetic towards vampires instead and does not display them as violent)

anyway, to hear it from the horses mouth (the horse is rei):

operetta, chapter 19 the sakuma family is a curious case. their condition is hereditary though the severity varies from person to person. it comes up in many stories but for the most part i am thinking about operetta, resurrection sunday, and devils right now. how did this all start? what made an entire family turn to live as vampires, with blood ceremonies and all that? what bizarre kind of generational trauma is this?

(and, while it does not play a role as important as it did for eichi, they are rich. this is important to mention. many normal experiences just dont apply to them because wealth makes them immune. ... how did the sakumas become this influential anyway.)

for an unspecified but long time, an entire family managed to mentally entirely seperate themselves from the rest of humanity because of their chronical illness. personally, i have no doubt this is the result of a world that othered them first. whether the main motivator at play here is a defensiveness towards a society that cannot understand you or an internal need to turn hardships into an identity that can be carried with pride. it takes a considerable amount of emotional strength and planning for the "hey we are human actually" declaration in operetta to occur.

they are, weirdly, what people mean when they talk about a "toxic anti-recovery mindset". (an expression i struggle with because this sort of rhetoric is often used to discriminate against disabled people who speak up for themselves or ask for accomodations. but that aside) it is an amount of pride that leads to internal self destruction.

of course, as is the case with every single character i write about in this post, a lot of it has to do with aesthetics and being chuuni to sell gacha cards. so we know the reason behind the reason. but it makes for some bizarre in-universe implications.

but in any case, the fact that their identity as false vampires is something they have always carried, that modern society sees as "mystical and sexy" has a hilarious side effect: their disability becomes marketable under the guise of vampirism. it is hard to recover from that.

so again, we have a double-edged sword: to present ones medical condition as a "persona" declares it as a performative act, something that is done to bring joy to an audience. personal detriment is not considered here, since it stops being a part of ones being and starts to become "work". the time and place of ones symptoms has to overlap with the time and place of ones performances. or people will hate you for your uncontrollable illness. however, rei and ritsu are both also able to carry their condition with a sort of playfulness. it is almost something like the act of "reclaiming" when they purposefully choose to larp a little for fun. usually, when a scene mentions their disability in the context of comic relief, they have control over the situation that unfolds and even initiate it and invite others to laugh alongside them. this can be a slippery slope to getting harrassed of course.... but i am rather baffled by the amount of dominance they have in social interactions. so it just reads as a healthy amount of dark humour to me.

this, and the consistent writing of their symptoms, and the ability to easily compare it to real existing illnesses, easly make them my favourite instance of written disabled people in the series. their illness has an impact on their behaviour and it is detrimental! and they are both very human in the way they attempt to cope. there is a certain realism to it. idek.

many people seem to headcanon them with myalgic encephalomyelitis, which is a really good explanation, and i personally want to suggest narcolepsy. the point being, there is room to accurately assign them a realistic relatable and understandable condition, even if nothing is ever named in canon. and of course they are mentioned to have an iron deficiency.

bear with this slightly "out there" theory for a moment: have you or a friend ever tried to get a compensation for your disadvantage at school or uni? it can be really hard to do, if it is possible at all, even if it is something very simple (more time, a slightly different enviroment, the ability to drink or sit, etc) yumenosaki is a school for performance arts, mainly idols. bold statement: it might genuinely be easier to get/explain an accommondation for your "idol quirk" (something that would be actively fostered), than for your disability. not that yumenosaki is very strict or asks for a lot anyway, its just something that has been on my mind.

here is another funny thing i have been thinking about: both of them crave juice, soda, and fruit - sugary yet fresh stuff. i feel like this is not uncommon for people who suffer from excessive tiredness and fatigue, the body subconsciously wishes for some sugar intake to "wake up".

Inventing a Guy to Cope. Rei

funny title aside... he... did that... ? rei is a curious example of how different mostly unrelated traumas can overlap. he had no childhood, thanks to his family that considered him "mature" at a very young age and his early status as a child star. and his bad health is a miserable addition to this. it is quite scary to image how pressured to do right he felt growing up and how that resulted in the fragmented distanced way he views himself; reinventable, and ultimately unknowable. (to others AND himself)

despite his bad health he has always been working and performing "well". he was praised for his remarkable talents but rarely had the chance to stop and patch himself up. whether this was a result of a pushy enviroment or his personality as a people pleaser who cannot show weakness and imperfection is hard to tell. maybe both.

the state he is in in Crossroad is fascinating to me. he all but directly lists the criteria of depression to keito when he attempts to explain his sorrows. he is restless, rowdy, mentions later on that he enrolled in yumenosaki against his familys wishes. he is very much searching for joy and his own identity in the middle of a health emergency. this has to do with the way he was raised, only knowing how to exist for and serve others, how he was made to sell a made-up version of himself, but i also believe it has to do with the fact he has started to exclude himself from his familys traditions and values. he started to cast away the uncertain "monstrosity" existence of his family (as well as the false idolhood others assigned him) and instead embraces humanity as a chronically ill person.

crossroad, i forgor which chapters

this of course marks a starting point of change that later results in him making up the wagahai pronouns persona - something he specifically created with the intention of looking vulnerable and weak. because he yearned to do less, to recover from years of exhaustion.

in a way, i want to say both, the ore pronouns persona and the wagahai pronouns persona, are attempts to cope with expectations he cannot handle physically or mentally. one relies on masking, on appearing stronger than he actually is and therefore invulnerable, and the other relies on exaggerating his weakness, in an attempt to finally let others recognize it. i think as a disabled person, both are performances one has to learn in order to "function" in everyday life, while remaining safe from serious harm (doing badly at ones job or classes, angering others that hold power over your life). since ones circumstances are often hard to grasp for someone who does not share the same illness, there is no choice but to simplify and exaggerate until symptoms become tangible concepts or to just brave through it, at the cost of ones health and future time.

rei in particular, for better or for worse, is incredibly capable when he needs to be and unfortunately that means others will often not take his health seriously because they saw him function just fine the other day. this is a general problem but an obvious offender in that regard is koga, who comments on reis fatigue constantly and loves to create a bit of a high expectations toxic work enviroment (and, to be fair, rei terrorizes him too. kogas hostility towards rei is sometimes ableist but not really rooted in ableism. after all koga is highly aware how performative the wagahai persona can be and is a huge motivational and inspirational factor in reis life. its a whole complex)

!! era holds some positive changes. his mental need to please other people remains a persistent source of trouble for him (and others) but he seems to really let his body recover and lives a more nocturnal life. both kuro and kaoru mention that he looks more healthy (in succession match???? i think??) since he finally stopped enforcing a normal day/night cycle on his body just to comply with social norms. you can indeed be very human even if you break human-made rules.

(additional comment: "becoming human" is of course a theme for each of the eccentrics and not uniquely tied to disability, it very much has to do with the objectification one goes through as a public figure. but this is a post about disability and it really fits in well. so here we go)

Literally Just a Realistic Teenager. Ritsu

ritsu, while not really being among my favourite characters, is my favourite instance of a disabled character in enstars. partly because of his writing and partly because my personal experiences overlap with his so much it sometimes is painful - but always extremely satisfying. just had to get that out.

ritsu is perhaps the most visibly ill. he blacks out and sleeps where he stands, everywhere, without control and often requires other peoples (well, mostly maos) assistance in order to remain safe when this happens. he also repeated a year of school, specifically because of his disability.

he is painfully aware of this. that he looks ill, that he behaves ill, that he is an underachiever compared to others of the same age, even to people younger than him.

ritsu developed unique behaviours to deal with this: he is very dependent and clingy and often asks others to do things for him, unapologetically. that does not mean asking for help doesnt hurt his pride, just that it is the most viable strategy for everyday survival that he ended up with. other than that, he clings more to the vampire identity than rei does. either to defy his older brother or, and this is important imo, because it is the one safety net he has to fall back on that makes him feel "normal" and like he is a regular being. albeit not human. no matter how much others might blame him for his shortcomings or how much he is a failure in the eyes of society, he is very regular for a "vampire". under the logic developed by his family, he is just a child, and the world at large is to blame. it is an easier truth to accept than facing systematic injustice and prejudice in a human world.

the stories i mentioned in another part above aside, i really love what ensemble band does for him; ritsu gets extremely irritated with mao in the prologue, seemingly out of nowhere. his character is allowed to express this sort of anger and to take it out on others, even if it is unjust and misguided. it is not pretty and it isnt good behaviour but it is a very heartfelt emotion to me.

its obvious that he cannot compete with others and that this will always been seen as his personal fault instead of a circumstance he cannot influence. and more than that: no one appreciates the real efforts he makes. for instance, getting himself out of bed in time for classes is difficult for regular teenagers and straight up hellish for ritsu. but he manages to do so a lot later on. instead of acknowledging that this is a real accomplishment on his part and possibly really exhausting and bad for his comfort in the long run, this is seen as doing the bare minimum.

while it is not correct, the malice ritsu sometimes treats others with comes from an comprehensible place. able-bodied ignorance can appear as purposeful slights made by those more privileged than him.

yet he learns to conform. his friends are important to him. knights success is important to him. (thought mental health probably played a role here too and made things even harder prior to his third year of high school) and yet;

seven bridge, chapter 24, but its really just an example i had at hand

the remarks stay the same. his peers still cannot help but brand him as "just lazy", even if they are kind and understanding otherwise and habour no ill intent. so i would like to ask: how long can he keep this up? how hard is this on him?

i dont think i need to explain just how common and hurtful it is to be accused of "laziness". probably the single most irritating comment someone with fatigue will hear every single day.

however, on the flipside, ritsu has perhaps the most people who care for him in comparison with other characters, though they sometimes complain (communication is hard, care is hard, everyone in enstars is very young and i cannot bring myself to see those comments as malice. its a mixture of ignorance and ones own burdens) there is mao, obviously. tsumugi is a very funny example. knights, of course, in particular naru. (at least based on my humble knights readings)

quite interesting how he just decided mao is his caretaker, now and in the future. i shared a few of my thoughts on caretaking here. this is.... a huge responsibility to just put on someones shoulders, to say the least. he shouldnt be doing this but i think it speaks for itself that this is a problem that is on his mind. ITS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT TOPIC TO BRING UP, especially since, the younger you are, the harder it is to get insurance to pay for your care. yes, he is often just teasing mao, but ritsu is looking for ways to get through life. by learning to be as independent as possible, whenever possible. though often you really just find yourself at the mercy of friends and family.

Inter-Sibling Violence

apologies, i will be done with the sakumas soon. i didnt know how to fit this in at the start.

the relationship between rei and ritsu, as people with the same disability who experiences different symptoms and challenges, is worth thinking about. infighting within people of the same disability is very common since experiences can be so different, there are no universal truths or opinions. with different lifestyles come different expectations for what is "normal" and sometimes pressure and social norms can cause someone to shift blame onto others who have no achieved the same things in life.

rei and ritsu are said to have been very close as small children and likely depended on each other a lot. i can see how reis fostering nature and ritsus needy nature developed alongside each other and enforced each other.

time and time again, rei says that he is a "less severe" case, that ritsu has it worse. he jets around the world because he feels forced to do so, when ritsu just wanted emotional support from him to begin with. ritsu stayed alone at home, sheltered and likely caged by their families convictions. but! i want to suggest the following: as much as it hurt him, it was important for reis health to be away from his family, too. i dont think staying there would have been good for him. his absence and the experiences he made away from home were an important catalyst for the positive family development we see in operetta.

of course, rei means well. he cares. he is trying to have a positive impact. yet from ritsus point of view, all of this must feel terribly condescending, especially with how much rei babies him. there is just one year between them. this is barely anything when it comes to sibling inferiority complexes the brain can make up. rei, who is successful and famous and beloved and, most importantly, proclaims to have it "easier than him", is trying to find a cure for him. from ritsus point of view this must be unbearable. their lives are so different when they basically started at the very same point of origin.

more than that, rei shoulders the sketchy blood rituals himself, out of love of course, but if one was more jaded, one could assume he doesnt think ritsu would be able to stomach the responsibility.

you will always compare yourself to your siblings in unhealthy ways but ritsu is just doing this on hard mode, i fear.

HHHRAGAHHHH GHHH ghgghrhgh. Niki

nikis writing is... driving me up a wall sometimes, to say the least. dont get me wrong, i love him. to an extend i understand that his single-mindedness and shallowless has purpose to it. in fact, i adore these character traits. he really seems to be behind four mental barriers at all times, unable to let deeper thoughts touch him, lest they make him succumb to despair. (yet nikis specific flavour of menhera cannot quite shine since... well, he has to stand next to himeru all the time)

the descriptions we get of nikis illness are nonsensical, at least to my knowledge. you could imagine he has something like hyperthyroidism. this never really gets explored though. at some point ENGstars mentions he has "gastroptosis or whatever" (the "or whatever" is part of his dialogue - niki really doesnt give a fuck), which makes no sense at all. weirdly enough, it would even be strangely in character if this was just a misconception.

so, can anyone take niki to a doctor? has this happened and i just wasnt there for it? there is no excuse why no one is considering medical care when it comes to him. except that he often is the butt monkey of jokes the writers want to make and has to stay available for it. more than that; his parents just left him alone like this? as a child? did he get an allowance at least? this cannot be legal, right? i wait for the day this comes up as a topic but i fear it is in vain. (please tell me if it actually did. i dont follow niki that closely) this is an unbelievable thing to do to a healthy child, yet alone one with a severe illness. we are basically looking at denial of assistance.

so many things surrounding nikis story are designed to make him as miserable as possible. i cannot help but feel that he exists purely as comic relief, for funny bickering, and superficial drama. i dont really like that at all, his misery just gets exploited.

EVEN SO... his self-image is actually really fascinating. as rinne likes to point out again and again, niki has no self-worth. he works two jobs, one of which he hates, he constantly gets into dangerous situations, and he will do anything just for some crumbs, and quickly forgets when others treat him badly. and of course, the worst bit:

es!! main story, please dont make me go find it

to some degree, he just accepts this as something he deserves. there is no consideration for his own quality of life, somewhere along the lines it seems like he got conviced just surviving is all he gets. he internalized self-degredation to a dangerous degree and i never see anyone mention this mental affliction specifically as a comorbidity of his disability. to me, there is without a doubt a relation here. sure, maybe he would still fight with this otherwise, just because he had to witness his fathers fall from grace as a child and knows there is a stigma attached to his name now. but i think you can tell it is more than that, from the way he is ashamed to beg (even in a life or death scenario, as seen in hot limit), as if his condition was his own fault.

this circles back to the point i made earlier for eichi; how much nikis life is worth, is measured in his economical value.

of the characters i have spoken of so far, nikis is financially the most accurate to real life. there is no safety net for him, no convenient family wealth.

(at this point it feels important to mention that somehow rinne manages to be the only person entirely aware of the danger and desires to change nikis mindset, YET he is a huge strain on nikis health. i dont know how those two function.)

Just a Lamb. Tatsumi

tatsumis specific trauma is a unique one: while most other characters struggle with conditions they were born with or developed as they grew up, tatsumis injury is the result of strain and violence. those are two different pairs of shoes, though the outcome may be similar. whether it is worse to be born into circumstances you cannot escape or to have to live with having something thrust upon you unfairly is up to personal judgement. pain is not really quantifiable. its just important to keep in mind, i think. under the circumstances tatsumi grew up in, he has his own burdens. it is very easy in many ways to compare and contrast him with eichi. of course this applies to how they used their bodies too: as an expandable resource. they had ideals for their school life (and beyond) that just seemed far more important and they both ended up in hospital because of this. (+ we know tatsumis surroundings were purposefully manipulated to destroy him)

and, of course, tatsumi got attacked later on. he never really talks about it directly but his legs seem to talk for him, in ways.

the story does not quite make it clear whether his occasional weakness and pain are the result of old injuries or entirely psychosomantic, and i dont think there is a real need to know, as a reader. in fact, in a certain light, i think it can be considered good that we dont know for certain: it would be relevant for tatsumi himself, sure, since it would influence which kinds of treatments and help he can seek out. however, i think the ambiguity may foster a certain level of sympathy in readers.

often psychosomatic problems are not taken seriously enough in real life: they cannot be proven physically and they dont fit into the neat little boxes that the ICD wants you to believe exist, so they cannot be defined on paper or easily explained to doctors or insurance providers.

to foster empathy with his situation requires his character to be lovable and for the narrative to treat him with care as well. which is thankfully the case. alkaloid are dear with him and, despite the fact he cannot perform in his work enviroment all the time, he is very respected for his other skills. he is a well-rounded person.

all that aside. it is absolutely worth to mention tatsumi pre-injury, too. he came up with a form of small-scale universal income among a semi-union at school. without getting too much into all that. (obbligato really seems like required lecture in the realm of enstars stories) the entire concept strives for social equality and is extremely anti-discrimination. it fundamentally goes against the idea that someone needs to "deserve" care, and is the opposite of the mindset i described with eichi and niki above. he never had to make first-hand experiences with disability to be extremely compassionate. this seems really rare among people in real life, even those who preach altruism.

While we are Here. K.... Kaname

as mentioned, i spoke a little about kaname before. so i wont get into the complex of caregiving.

it is extremely satisfying we got to meet kaname, if only for one event story. he does not have to remain a faceless motivation behind himeru and tatsumis lives, he thankfully became humanized.

the entire conflict around kaname at the moment is a matter of bodily autonomy. how much of your person can be in anothers hand, ethically? there is no excuse for the theft of his (idol) identity through himeru but the damage is done now. ideally, you dont want any part of yourself to depend on others but the disabled reality is that this is very often impossible. especially for kaname. there simply is no one else who could be responsible for him right now and, to be fair, at least when it comes to medical care, himeru seems to behave very responsibly.

repeating what has been said in the other post but i am worried for kanames seemingly inevitable reintroduction to the story. he has been in a comatose state for a year. if he wakes (since this is fiction, it is possible to exchange 'if' for 'when', realistically it really would be an 'if' though) he would most likely be confronted with permanent neurological and physical damage and years of rehabilitation. at least logically. (not to mention the psychological shock) would this be written with compassion and a sense of realism? it makes for a compelling source of conflict and emotional hardships that could be extremely worthwhile to explore. i just cant entirely bring myself to trust the writers with this one but i would love to be convinced otherwise.

that is, of course, if they dont somehow just skip rehabilitation entirely and declare it a miracle healing.....

imo, the in-game discourse between characters is just as important as his future development. i just really hope autonomy and recovery will be large topics.

He doesnt go here, but. Adonis

so bringing him up just really feels necessary within the context of this post because of his interests. one of adonis hobbies is sign language and accessibility.

this is, i think, maybe the best thing they ever did with his "protector" persona. it just fits so well, it is a direct conversion of ideals to actions. knowing undead songs have been translated for a deaf audience in canon is extremely wholesome and uplifting, even if it is entirely inconsequential for the story and just something that gets mentioned.

(now that sandstorm is out on engstars, you can check that out too for further mentions of this! if i could wish for one thing, it would be for the stories to acknowledge that there are tons of independent sign languages and i would love to know which one adonis and rei speak... you ever think about how adonis speaks like four languages fluently. at least.)

nightless city live, chapter 3

everyone in undead loved that and supported the vision. to see koga, who is usually against anything but musical performances and wishes to express art freely, praise the idea really puts deaf identity and accessibility in a great light. it is a very positively radical forwardthinking idea.

so, i just wanted to mention that. adonis is treated horribly by the narrative a lot, it entirely fails to grasp his identity and is insensitive towards foreign cultures, but i would die for him i think.

finishing thoughts

like mentioned, please absolutely let me know if you have different related ideas or recommendations. or corrections, or worries over something i wrote!!! learning and improving is always great. i am sorry i could not get into so many other characters, the ones i wrote about are those that i feel confident enough to comment on. in the future i would love to meet maguro!! i just havent really read any mama stories at all :'''3

i feel like i barely said anything at all and barely engaged with text enough since i didnt get into any character specifically. i would love to write another post about ritsu or rei or both. a draft for it has been sitting around for ages (as did the draft for this post, lol) but i hope someone will find an interesting thought in here somewhere.

all in all, enstars is actually... surprisingly nice to read for the disability in there??? even if it is disappointing in handling many other things. of course, the writings not always ideal (i read hidden beast just the other day and the ableism in there took years off my life) but often its really nice. nothing hits quite like seeing real emotions and experiences through some metaphorical stylized anime lense, you feel.

anyway thank you for listening. i am actually for real done now.

[ganondoodle]

i am so extremely confused on how you can acknowledge belly dancing not needing to be sexual yet. still insist that nintendo is sexualizing young gerudo with the attire. the makeup, heels and how impractical it is to wear the shit they wear in the desert i understand. im not defending those design mistakes. but??? jfc.

oh. so, assuming you are the same anon as before, you WERE asking in bad faith then, or are intentionally missunderstanding what im saying, got it, and now you are trying to twist my words around to fit your little narrative about me being the problem and not mega corporation uwu nintendo with a history of racism (to which this issue is extremely attached to)

so, since you apparently didnt understand what i said, and didnt watch the video i attached either, bc that goes into detail of everything as well, im gonna spell it out once more, and i will even EMPHASIZE words like THIS, so its easier to understand, just for you <3

i did NOT say that the 'belly dance' outfit doesnt NEED to be sexual, i SAID it is/was not sexual IN ITS ORIGIN, BUT was TURNED INTO what boils down to nothing else but a sexy strippers outfit by western people and has been used as NOTHING BUT sexual for decades in the vast majority of media of all kind-

which MEANS, that although in ORIGIN it might not have been sexual, the unfortunate PROBLEM is that through its extreme popularization as such you now have to assume IT IS sexual, bc that is pretty much ALWAYS the intent, people dont even know it as anything but a sexual thing

and before you can even say the "well maybe they didnt intent it a such" blah blah, this is NOT SOLELY about the outfit itself being the only problem here, its the whole package, even if they DID have good intentions or did it subconsciously (which, mind you, should also tell you just how much this kind of picture of middle eastern people has been spread, how common it is to see them like this that its what most people actually think they are like) it nevertheless sends a certain message, and again, ITS THE WHOLE FUCKING PACKAGE, everything, from outfit, to design elements, to dialog, to lore, to even camera angles, you cannot view it as a seperate thing bc it is, inherently, not able to be seperated from everything, its as if you took an incredibly racist caricature, zoomed in and said "LOOK they used a realistic kind of skin tone, its totally not racist!!"

you also called these design decisions "mistakes", but they are not, in fact mistakes, a mistake is when you notice after posting a drawing that you forgot to color in a strand of hair, however, ALL of these design and writing decisions are deliberate, they had to sit down, in a giant team of people, to come up with it, then proceed to design and write it, approve it, make it, and ship it, and saw no problem with it, which is a problem

now, im not saying nintendo personally is telling you "its ok to fuck kids", but things have meanings, and if you are making something, ESPECIALLY using something that isnt of your own culture, you should think about things, and what meanings a thing can have attached to, they are a giant corporation, not a single, very uninformed at best- or very racist at worst, human being, they have the means to do research, but they did not do it or think its fine, maybe even good, which deserves to be called out

i am a big, and longtime, zelda fan, but beign a fan of something doesnt mean you cannot criticise it, or aknowledge that its in many ways flawed, part of being a fan is being able to recognize things that are bad and demand better

if you send me another ask spouting bullshit or purposefully missunderstanding what im saying im gonna punt you into the filthy barrel of blocked porn bots, bc i dont have anon messages enabled to receive shit like this but to allow people who might be too shy to send normal asks to talk to me.

jfc.

[shortystack75]

I just did my annual rewatch of Stars Align aka Hoshiai No Sora and now I once again have too many thoughts. Anyone seeing this is now the victim.

So basically this post is gonna be a long post explaining a tierlist I made for the kids and how they were effected by their parent/s. I made the tierlist at like 3am this morning and immediately passed out while working through my thought processes

OTHER PEOPLE ARE WELCOME TO READ MY RAMBLES TOO IT'S PRETTY ACCESSIBLE BC I EXPLAIN EVERYTHING

So I'm actually going to go from the bottom and work my way up bc I have so many more uncoordinated thoughts about Touma, Tsubasa, and Nao than anyone else.

RINTARO His adoptive parents have done everything right, he and they are delights. his main issue is the FACT that he's adopted. he feels like there's something inherently wrong with him that caused his birth parents to not want him. at the end of the series his birth mother gets ahold of his adoptive parents and wants to meet him, its assumed she shows up at the tournament but leaves before he can catch up to her, making him believe that because he lost his match she doesn't think he's worth even meeting. And yea I'm with the theory that he's Touma's twin and that makes his mom Rintaro's mom and boy would that fuck him up even more and I so wish we could've gotten our original 24 episodes. Overall his ACTUAL parents that he grew up with and currently have did not cause his problems so 10/10 love them sm

Arashi + Class Pres They are rich kids and though we dont see them being effected by this very much i assume they are negatively effected but overall their parents are probably okay

TAIYO Very soft spoken and probably would roll over and die if a bully or mugger approached him. His parents, while very well-meaning, dote on him in a way that probably killed any kind of confidence he had. "It's okay if you dont win" WOULD be good parent words, but they were followed up with "tennis is a two person sport, so its not your fault if your partner messes up" Taiyo actually scolds them for this which made me really happy, as by saying this not only are they making a dig at his friend and partner(who does not need anyone hurting him anymore goddamn), but also could be interpreted as if they do win then it could be all his partner and not him Overall 8/10 this boy just needs more confidence and screentime

ITSUKI He was hard to place because his parent situation has already been handled actually. he got todorokied as a kid. When he was a baby, his mother clearly suffered from some pretty hard postnatal depression, and possibly other stuff, and poured boiling water onto his back. this left him with some pretty horrific back scars that he actually doesn't mind but he clearly doesn't like talking about it, as shown in the show by him not changing in the club room until about halfway through the show, after he'd already known the MC Maki for a while. He's shown to have a very easy trigger to violence however when people belittle his homelife. Without even knowing about his mother, some bullies come talk down to him about his mother being out of the picture and his response was to bash them over the head with his racket 8/10 Current situation, we never see his dad but we can assume he's doing a decent job as a father bc Itsuki and Namie are actually kinda well adjusted despite his lil aggro moment

Mitsue Mitsue is not part of the tennis club but hands around them as the only people she can stand coughcoughADMITTHEY'REYOURFRIENDSLOSERcoughcough and uses their matches as inspiration for drawing. Her parents belittle her passion for drawing and tell her seemingly often that she'll never go anywhere in life, its implied that she starts hanging around the tennis club and Maki's house to get away from her parents as long as possible until she actually starts liking them

Yuu Yuu is a canonicaly non-binary/X-gender character and i love them but their mom is transphobic and yelled at them and was really shitty i hope she dies. not directly related to their mother, but we also see other students bullying them for being gay (no one other than Maki, their mother, and their sisters find out about them not being cis, but most people seem to know theyre gay or at least suspect it) they are physically harassed early on, only to have a friend, Touma, step in and literally scare off the bullies(more on that when we get to him) and towards the middle of the show some other sports guys come into the tennis team's room to talk and start to make comments on Yuu being gay. This is immediately shut down by several of the tennis club members showing their clear support for them at least in the gay sense.

SHINGO His mother is either dead or otherwise out of the picture completely but there seems to be no ill will from him or his father, who remarried. Father is great and supportive of him. His step-mother however... She's constantly comparing him to his mother who she clearly doesnt like and wants as little to do with him as possible. Shingo has a little half-sister whom he adores and she adores him right back, but his step-mom HATES them interacting and does everything she can to discourage it, despite his little sister's clear adoration and love for him. He overall isn't super outwardly very effected by her, but is still clearly put-out by her random hate towards him and likely feels very uncomfortable in her presence. 6.5/10 overall, 9/10 dad but 4/10 step-mom who gets a"Not being as bad as you could've been" award

Now we're getting spicy

MAKI Our main character Maki! He's an overall quiet but pleasant person who has a very realistic outlook on life. His single mother is amazing towards him but works very long hours at her job and so most of the chores fall into him, not that he minds all that much, when he was younger he was often looked after by his mother's friend Shou, a canonical transman that lead Maki to be very informed about gender and was just what Yuu needed. His father however.... physically and financially abusive. despite being divorced he shows up at their apartment when he knows his exwife wont be at home to steal money from them and be mean to Maki. in the after credits scene of the first episode he hits maki so hard something in his mouth starts bleeding(he likely bit his tongue or a part of his cheek) and he curls up into a ball and waits for him to leave. He's terrified of this man. Later in the show he shows up to terrorize maki again and Touma, Maki's doubles partner, gets involved to put an end to it. Throughout the exchange Maki is practically cowering behind Touma which is so jarring because Maki's normal demeanor is so nonchalant and calm. It's implied he's been abused for as long as he could remember to some extent. We see a couple other time that he has an interesting reaction to threats and violence, such as another character threatening him with a racket(he doesn't react and simply says "Use your hands") or upon learning Itsuki bludgeoned a guy with his racket(tells him not to break the equipment because its expensive) Oh also his mother is in the process of getting a restraining order but its not in place yet Mom and Shou are 8/10, dad is 0/10, overall 4/10 experience for our sadboy Maki

TOUMA He's some kind of neurospicy i just know it. His father is ??? never see this man but we know he;s in the household, i think he travels for work or smth cause its mentioned he's rarely at home His mother HATES him. like for no reason. She gives us a lot of vague words she says to his older brother, who seems to be Touma's only positive family relation, at one point she says that he scares her but she also yells at him all the time and compares him to his brother and basically constantly belittles him for no reason. He seems to blame everything on himself but silently. When the tennis team isn't doing good he blows up be throwing his racket on the ground and storming away, but later reveals to his brother that he thinks its his fault and that he's a bad captain. Similarly, when the team is having a celebration he stays to the edges and explains to Yuu that he doesn't like being around people who are having fun because he feels like he's going to ruin it be engaging. We can actually tie this into a little moment he has with Maki during a game when Maki turns to him exactly and goes "I really love tennis!" and Touma stands there with awe on his face as if he couldn't imagine someone having fun by playing with him. Speaking of Yuu, back when he scared off the bullies, 2/3 of the bullies were IMMEDIATELY scared upon seeing him walk up, they told the third one that "Everyone knows he's a psycho" while Touma stands there with a blank face. This coupled with how his mother talks about him makes me think he's had a little bit of a violent streak that may be linked to autistic breakdowns Back to his mother, it is revealed at the end that there's a third brother we've never seen or heard of when we get a scene of his mother and older brother talking. his brother says "I love both of my little brothers" and later that episode his mom calls him to tell him she's divorcing his dad and taking his older brother with her. I just know he'd be even more messed up if Rintaro ends up being his twin brother. Anyway his dad is 4/10 for absence and his mom is 1/10 for doing the bare minimum (really sad that she has any points at all). Overall 2.5/10

TSUBASA he's my little crunchy guy i love him so much We very very briefly see his mother have worry for him at a bad moment but never goes after him when he runs away and she never seems to check on him at any other point. The bad moment is when he falls down the stairs. Specifically he is hit in the face by his father so hard (on a flight of stairs) that he slams into the wall and then loses his balance and falls backwards onto his dominant wrist hard enough to break it. Let me backtrack a bit. at about 2/3 through the anime, we get a scene of him at home watching tv with his 2 older brothers. His dad comes through the door and the music stops, all three boys look tense but Tsubasa specifically immediately gets a fearful look and when addressed by his dad tries to leave the room. Tsubasa is a very loud and confrontational person, likely caused by his dad's toxic masculinity, and says something that isn't important but causes his father to follow him and grab his wrist so hard he looks in pain. What follows is the stair incident. He then runs out of the house in the middle of the night and ends up in front of Shingo's house. Shingo is his tennis partner. Shingo sees him, Tsubasa tries to run away but is quickly caught by the hurt wrist. After Shingo realizes he's hurt he immediately gets his dad to take Tsubasa to the hospital. When the doctor asks if anyone else was involved, Tsubasa denies this and calls himself an idiot with the most heart wrenching expression on his face i swear. He later confesses to Shingo he's sure his dad hates him all because he's not as good at soccer as his older brothers, and blames himself for Shingo not being able to play in the upcoming tournament. When asked why he came to Shingo's house he responds with "I didn't know where else to go" Which makes me want to hit someone, personally. At the start of the series there a part where he raises his racket as if to strike Maki with it, but backs down when Maki doesn't even flinch. I'm taking this to mean he was never actually planning to hit Maki, but acting big and threatening violence is likely something he learned from his dad. When it doesn't work he immediately backs down and leaves the situation, similar to how he acts with his dad. He's also one of the few we see get physical with anyone else. Barring Itsuki and the racket incident, Tsubasa is the only member of the tennis team to threaten another middle schooler. In the club room incident where Yuu was starting to be harassed, Tsubasa was one of the three (Touma and Maki were not present) out of 6 members to intervene. While Shingo and Itsuki told the other boy off and insulted him in turn, Tsubasa actually got up in his space and grabbed a hold of the other boy's face, lightly shoving him. The other boys immediately backed down after this like Tsubasa was assuming they would, like how he learned to behave with his father. Mom is like 4/10 for being useless 🎉and Father is 0/10 for an overall score of 2/10!!!

and now... for NAO My head is in my hands over him So to start, he's an only child and his father is distant and doesn't seem to interact with him or care for him whatsoever(unlike with Tsubasa and hopefully Touma, he's somehow being an absent parent while sitting right! next! to! him!!!), leaving him with no help or reprieve at home from his monster of a mother. She never physically hurts or lays a hand on him from what we've seen but she clearly has deep-rooted mental and emotional manipulation that has negatively effected Nao very deeply. We see a lot of signs early on that we brush away as little quirks he has, such as telling a lot of lies or "fairy tales" as the tennis club likes to call them, staring off into space, or even just looking impassively at what transpires around him as if he wasn't apart if it. That's right this boy disassociates. hard. His mother, to put it lightly, is an extremely controlling and authoritarian parent who wants to hand steer every little thing he thinks, feels, and does. She's constantly complaining to the principal about the club and lying or exaggerating in order for club activities to be suspended or halted because she doesn't think he gets anything from playing and would rather he spend all his time studying. Speaking of studying, that's what she has him do constantly at home. His room doesn't look like that of a middle school boy. It has a desk, a bed, and a dresser. I would even go so far as to say some of his spacey-ness comes from exhaustion. who knows how long she has him studying every night, and its revealed he gets up early so he can go on runs and practice swinging because she doesn't let him after he gets home from school. All of this feeds into his lies. He's learned that whenever he tells her the truth he gets yelled at and belittled and punished. So he lies. he tells her what he thinks she'll want to here and this bleeds into all of his relationships. Upon meeting Maki he lies immediately, something broad to appeal to everyone, but its called out by the rest of the club and he just sits there smiling through it all while looking at the sky. He's left handed and she hates that. He uses his left hand to eat once and she yells at him, making him freeze up and pull his right arm into his center, almost mimicking the fetal position. SPEAKING of eating... boy unintentionally has an eating disorder. We are shown multiple times when he is at home he pushes his food around his plate and eats little to none of it. While there are other scenes of him with food away from his mother, I dont think he's actually specifically shown eating then either, and could've easily not eaten anything there. OKAY so onto the really scary/sad part. There's a part where Shingo brings his little sister to watch their practice game with the girls' team, and she gets lost in the school. She ends up found sleeping in the nurses office, but they skipped over it bc the door was locked and figured she couldn't have gotten in there. They only find her when Maki hears the keys jingle in Nao's pocket and realizes he locked her in there. Nao himself seemed shocked that he had the keys and was the one to lock her in there. His mom had been yelling about the practice game and wanting it cancelled the night before. He found her, and instead of telling everyone or waking her up, he disociated and locked the door, than lied that he hadn't seen her. He seemed so shocked that Maki even thinks that he'd thought his own lie was real. Think of how scary that is. I also think he's neurospicy which his mom would absolutely fuck up even more but thats just me things Dad gets a 3/10 for personally pissing me off and his mom gets a funny lil 0/10 along with the two other shittiest parents. Overall a 1.5/10!!!

In all seriousness In my own little world most of them move in together and share an apartment. Yes ive seen the extra scenes no I dont care im ignoring them.

[harlequinoccult]

ok well w that answer to my last ramble i hope you won't mind me coming back and rambling MORE-

the thing with Ariel "Vulpine" Fox (remember i said he has a Thing w foxes? his surname might have smth to do w that) is that, at his core, he is not a character that really fits into the vibes of slsq. and i love putting my ocs into Situations where they Do Not Really Fit In, because it forces me to think outside the box and go "ok, but what if they find themselves in that Situation anyway? how do i work with that while still keeping their character mostly intact?". and the mix of slsq and Vulpine is just * chefs kiss * especially delicious to me, bc Ariel always had a few screws loose, but he's always been a bit too level-headed to really lean into his innate madness, and slsq gives me the opportunity to really fuck with him and i love that-

Ariel's whole Thing is really that he's the perfect vigilante character. he would never make the profile of a serial killer. a killer, yes, oh he has no problem with killing you see, but it's usually done with some greater objective in mind. even in slsq im sure he's going to be extremely picky with his victims. the thing that really sets him off and makes him believe Murder Is Ok is injustice. because unfortunately for him, Ari has an unparalleled amount of empathy, which causes him to make some... contradictory decisions during his life. really, it all depends on who has earned his wrath. he will never kill poor people or people in need, in fact he usually goes out of his way to help them every single time, but put a cop in front of him and they're going to have the most slow, painful, cruel death possible.

there might be exceptions to the "no killing poor ppl/ppl in need" rule tho, if the person in question is an abuser who does nothing but inflict suffering on others and poison the local community with their toxicity. funnily enough, Carter fits the profile of Ariel's victims fucking perfectly, im honestly still thinking of a reason why he didn't kill Carter sooner other than "he didn't have enough time to do it". other people he'll definitely go after is the rich and corrupt politicians, which, not the best decisions for his anonymity or his safety, but if he's gonna get killing you bet your ass he'll try to cause some form of change while at it.

another thing he hates, has always hated and always will, is abuse of authority (which is why in his mind a good cop is always a dead cop). he has a general problem w authority even without the abusing part, especially hates when he's stripped of his autonomy and forced to do smth against his will (he IMMEDIATELY hates The Host on principle, and its going to get worse from here). he's always been a brat over being ordered around, even if he HAS to do what he's being told to do he's going to do it HIS way and fuck you if you have a problem w that. what matters is that he got the job done, isnt it? (i genuinely dont know how Carter managed to put up w him, those two together is a TERRIBLE mix)

most of all this does have to do w how he grew up, really. Ari is cannonically british (by which i mean, in my head he has a rlly subtle posh british accent that gets stronger the angrier he gets, which is even funnier to me bc the angrier he gets the more he swears and it usually involves a lot of FOCK and FOCKIN' and BLOODY being thrown around. like i get why OD would enjoy riling him up i rlly do-) which doesn't rlly have that much impact into his slsq story bc im not british and ik nothing abt britain but he is an immigrant and that's a lil bit important. to me. anyway-

he grew up in a very poor, very religious community somewhere in monarchy land (england), and was an extremely difficult, some would even say demonic, child. he's always had anger issues but it was MUCH worse when he was little (growing up he learns to deal w them to the point that getting him actually, truly angry without touching on what triggers him is extremely hard. good luck OD, his reaction to your annoying ass is mostly gonna be a sigh and a twitch of his fingers). his religious trauma, unlike w OD, has nothing to do w surviving catholic school (he went to a public school, somehow managed to be a massive nerd AND a delinquent at the same time, always had the highest notes of his class and was still despised by the teachers for being "disrespectful") and more w growing up surrounded by extremely religious people and realizing quite soon that praying did nothing to help w the systematic oppression they all were being crushed by. it only got worse when he started questioning the teachings of the church, growing more frustrated as he tried to get his peers to "see reason", and finally lost all hope when he went through his second exorcism (first one happened whem he was still very small, which im sure didn't fuck him up in any way whatsoever). has never entered a church since then, still knows some prayers that were burned into his brain and he can't forget no matter how hard he tries, genuinely believes that god never existed and if he did then he's fucking dead, and has a fascination w satanic symbols to this day that will probably never go away.

he had a somewhat mixed reputation growing up. in his tween years, he used the fact that he was considered "demonic" when little to scare and fuck with people who otherwise might have caused him problems. he got into constant fights in his childhood and his teen years, both because bullies would wrongly assume he'd be an easy target and then get punched and bitten and scratched until they cried, or because he was trying to protect someone else from being bullied. soon figured out that just not engaging unless someone else threw the first punch was a good way to de-escalate situations and keep him from getting in too much trouble (since he wouldn't be the one who "started it"), which was what made him begin to develop his stoic attitude. he started learning to control his anger because the people he wanted to protect were scared of him bc of his tendency to lash out, and because he realized that being in control of his emotions meant that he would fuck up less in high stress situations and make it easier to calm the people around him as well.

he got in constant trouble w the local authorities, being continuously searched and brought into the police station for a p big list of petty crimes (vandalism, theft, underage drinking, drug use, trespassing, public indecency, etc), but noticed that he was treated much more leniently than his POC friends who did much less shit than he did. which was also when his hatred for cops solidified.

life wasn't easy on him. he did a lot of questionable shit to get by, and he knows a lot of people in the same situations as him, so his morals are extremely gray as a consequence of it. he's not going to judge you for doing a bad. everyone does what they can to survive and survival is not a noble thing. he's extremely lenient w things that most ppl find unacceptable, and has a very clear understanding in his mind that everything is situational. which is why murder can be ok, and cannibalism can be ok, and any number of horrible things humans do can be justifiable and acceptable no matter what society says.

so he's not going to judge anyone on the cast of slsq for doing the things they do if they can justify it. but i can also very clearly see him killing the ones that do it just for the sake of it. with one exception: he will never murder the one he loves.

which is why i am sooooo excited to pair him up w OD, the one that kills p much without discrimination, and watch all the loopholes he forms in his mind to try and justify to himself why he's turning a blind eye to someone killing innocent people. he might try to nudge OD into having a smidge more of a standard, but if OD threatens to leave bc of it or gets too annoyed he's dropping it in a second. who knows, maybe OD is the one who might be able to convince him to drop the good guy "act" instead. who needs morals when you have love amirite?

i wouldn't say Vulpine is a yandere (there's too much effort to make sure that he and his loved one(s) are equals in every possible way for that i think), but with the borderline unhealthy, undying, nearly desperate devotion he develops for the ppl he falls for i think it's a pretty close thing tbh. he would do anything for his lover. anything. and he expects nothing in return. he just wants them to be happy, no matter what.

anyway uuuuhh there's so much more i can say abt Vulpine, i didnt even touch on his relationship w substance abuse or when he got arrested or his family, but this is already enormous, so have some specific slsq stuff instead (all of this is p much slsq specific tbh, Ari's backstory changes a lot depending on what story i decide to put him next, but some plot beats and traumas always stay the same): his mask of choice is similar to Cold's, a blank black mask, and his weapon of choice is a hunting knife. his specialty is informant (i was very tempted to make him a jack of all trades, bc one of his main characteristics is his adaptability, but i could NEVER envision him accepting doing that much for Carter. he would rather die), as mentioned previously his personality type is going to be apathetic w a side of caustic (still dont know if that's the right name but oh well), his clothing style is punk and practical and he wore ripped jeans for this bc he didn't know what he was getting himself into and he's soooo mad he didn't wear his cargo pants instead. he's actually kinda similar to Cold when it comes to superficial personality traits (stays quiet and observant most of the time, stealth killer, has a whole thing going on w shadows and anonymity and the mask, also exudes a intimidating aura that often scares people and gives him negative charisma. another reason he's not a jack of all trades is bc he'd make for an AWFUL bait)

and when in deep romance, if OD keeps trying to annoy him, he'll just kiss them to shut them up. it might just end up encouraging that kind of behavior long therm, but it works as a short therm solution so he doesn't rlly care-

(pt 1.)

Oh there is so much I could say that would veer into major spoilers for Overdose's route and beyond.

The Caustic personality is cynical, bitter, and sarcastic. Aggressive options will be separate and compatible with every personality type (aggressive doormats have been...interesting to write. imagine the most neurotic chihuahua-)

And concerning mc and Carter....there aren't a lot of job opportunities in Newcreed that aren't y'know, soul crushing drudgery, no matter what your relationship with Carter was, it was enough to pay rent if mc lived alone, or enough to afford necessities if they lived with the bastard.

And getting into Newcreed itself, The city is rotten. Crime rate is so high and the mayor doesn't do shit, the police don't do shit and the roads are fucked, but hey, expansive public transit and rent is low as hell. A lot of people immigrate to Newcreed (Cold and Sweetheart and his family are examples of this) because its a cheap place to live and the barriers for employment are little to none.

[bitchkay]

omg hi, i saw one of your posts where you were talking abt guy and fenn making out in canon and omg i NEED to know when it happened LMAO bc i just started playing cod like a week ago and am still on knights route, so i still havent seen these two being fruity asf

Its mostly fenn being fenn for the most part

Fenn has been quite tame lately in events and stories but I also say that very loosely cus the innuendos will not stop💀💀

From what I see Fenn isn't nearly as "close" with the other princes then he is with Guy, like he teases all of them, touches here and here, a seductive gaze perhaps, and sure Guy might tell him off, push him away, reprimand him but he lets him get away with a little too much especially when theres nawt else to witness

Although the princes fangirls would go crazy for that shit

And have

Now you mentioned you've only read Knights route(excellent choice btw) so spoiler warning for Guys consort path

In guys route, Fenn proposes having a kissing contest to see whose the better kisser, and Guy entertains it for like a long time💀 like MC in the back is like 0.o are they for real gonna kiss, they dont but they create so much tension in that scene it actually has you disappointed💀💀 like I think Fenn has his arms around Guys shoulders and like the way they're speaking to each other👁 and they get close enough for lips to actually touch before Guys like "perhaps another time" or some shit, and MC? girl she's flabbergasted😭 like nah that couldn't have been a joke cus Guy doesn't know how to joke that😭😭 she's like are you and Fenn close? Guys like no💀

Spoiler warning for Fenns consort path

Something kinda similar happens in Fenns route where Fenn is flirting with Guy and he just kinda let's it slide, he's more dismissive yeah but even when Fenn drapes himself over Guys body he just kinda let's it happen💀 I forget exactly what happened in that scene but I'm going to reread Fenns path soon so I'll probably edit this post

Fenn also has a thing for Red eyes, it's one of the reasons Fenn was so drawn to MC in the first place because the first woman he ever loved was a groomer an Avarian with red eyes

There are many sequences of Fenn complimenting the other Avarian characters for their eyes, the battle sequences at the top of my head, turn on the effects when you go to do battles, doesn't matter if its event battle or regular battle, and the sequences will appear with the character whose route your currently reading in the top right and your opponent in the bottom left, the characters will usually say a word or two before your left to tap tap tap, there are like standard regular lines they'll say but there are like pairing specific ones that appears every once in a while, example Guy vs the headmaster, guy will say "I must best you" or something like that(I forgot exactly what) and the headmaster will say "Peace Master Avari" regardless of whether your playing Guy or the headmaster, it just changes who says it first, Tino vs Lynt is, Tino has "oh no... young master..." and Lynt says "I prefer your bread" its specific to the pairing, but I forgot whether its Guy or Jasper but if you're playing Fenns path(or Guy or Jasper) and your opponent is one of them(or Fenn) he'll say "I really like your eyes"

Into event spoilers

Every one and they mom knows how I talk about that crave event like I think the dev's were just having a bit of fun nah cus I think they wanted them to kiss more than anyone else💀💀💀, in the event Craving Conjured theres the drug or potion running around called crave and in Guys route, Guy happens to ingest some and its pretty much an aphrodisiac, the issue is Guy is MC are having relationship problems, they're fighting so Guy doesn't want to go to her to you know bang it out cus he thinks he's right(he's not) and MC who doesn't know he's ingested crave just sees him bedridden and is worried about him but Guy still pushes her away, Guy is wrong btw, they were fighting about Guys lack of verbal communication and MC is pretty much like I'm not like Jasper I dont know how you feel all the time unless you tell me and I cant know what you want from me unless you ask and Guys stubborn ass is like but you should know though and MCs like how the hell am I supposed to know, anyway they like stop talking for a bit, Guy has crave, is extremely horny, and since him and MC are fighting he's like I'm finna tough this out😈(he can't) and guess what sounds like a better option to him? Fenn. Instead of telling your gf that you've been hit with horny juice and you need to fuck, which is probably what she wants you to do cus she want you to communicate what you want, instead you're like I'm gonna screw Fenn instead cus she's mad at me💀💀 no cus MC is like she's ready to talk to him she doesn't wanna be fighting with him for this long, and Jasper's like bet he's in his room and takes her there, and bruh they walk into Guys bedroom to see Guy and Fenn making out in his room in his bed, still very much clothed but very much disheveled, their jaws are on the floor cus they not paying no mind at first then Fenn pipes up like hey bestie as much as I'm loving this your girlfriend is here I think you dont need me anymore, and Guys like shut the fuck up and starts kissing his neck💀💀 MC is flabbergasted, like she's contemplating giving them privacy cus am I supposed to be seeing this????????? Fenn eventually escapes but then guess what, Guy hops onto Jasper next and MCs like oh come on really, you wanna make out with everyone except me rn🤨🤨 eventually she's the only person in the room and Guy still pushes her away but MCs like no I'm not leaving until we fix things, I can help you with your little problem but you have to tell me exactly what you want

And then MC tops him theres some filler and that's the end

Might I also add that Fenns the one that gave Guy crave, and Guy knowingly took it, it did it to himself

Now perhaps I maybe exaggerating the details but if you can find a recording of this event on youtube, you'll understand

Also Guy does not like girls, he just likes MC

Fenn likes everybody, boy, girl, both, or neither he don't discriminate🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

No but fr I remember there was one time somebody asked Guy what kind of girls he like and he's like why would I ever persue a woman and I'm like damn that's kinda gay wanna rephrase that

And then it was never talked about ever again but I think there's some truth to it cus one Guy has more chemistry with most of the Male characters in the game more than any woman and two despite his birth mom and step moms being generally nice and sweet(not Rahm💀) he was pretty raised to be weary of women cus all they want is power and to use him and as a result just hasn't taken an interest in woman like at all UNTIL MC(at his big age) and most of the actual relationships he has whether it platonic, familial, romantic, or anything has been with men, like bro thinks about men so much, he couldn't even fathom being with a woman until MC came along

So yeah Guy does not like girls, he just likes MC

they named him guy cus he likes men

[velvetvexations]

I'm answering these via text again because it would take way too long otherwise!

read the screencaps of that one really nasty transradfem you rb'd a little earlier and you know what struck me in particular is, especially as they went on (there were many) it was so interesting seeing how many of them used text like "trans women" almost exclusively for trans women but trans men/mascs got almost exclusively called 'tboys' 'they/hes' 'tmes' 'theyfabsbians (???)' and 'aidans' and not once just called trans men. and i wonder if theres some part of them that is aware of how bad that would look. how much more spiteful that would seem. or at least more obviously full of shit. or maybe its just self-righteous rage idk. it doesn't REALLY matter WHY, its just stomach-curdling dehumanization and its suuuch a bummer. anyway youre great as ever! have a good weekend :)

It's so fucking gross and weird, and blatantly transandrophobic specifically in a way that's undeniable.

The conversations around it have cooled down, but it was disconcerting seeing people act like the reaction to intersex people in athletics is purely transphobic (and only impacting intersex athletes incidentally), when one of the people actually supporting rulings against intersex women is Joanna Harper, a trans woman and scientist. She has previously testified against Caster Semenya on behalf of World Athletics. I support Harper's work in arguing for trans women's inclusion in sport. It is vitally important. I do not wish ill on her whatsoever. But she showcases the huge intersexism problem the wider trans community has, which needs to be more widely acknowledged. ("Hyperandrogenism and women vs women vs men in sport: A Q&A with Joanna Harper" is perhaps the most illustrative example of her views.)

Also, you straight-up have countless numbers of radfems and other transphobes taking the intersex argument into account wrt Imane Khelif and going "yeah well he's still a male sweetie :)" so it's not like you can even say her situation specifically was about trans women even if that was a large part of it.

this isnt a trans related thing but i know you answer asks often so apolgies in advance do you ever get so excited that you just dont do something? like, not "oh i dont have the energy/cant focus/ect" but your just so excited to do something that you literally can't? i'm having that with some videos i wanna watch and its like pleaseeee i just wanna watch themmmm but now i've been plagued with energy

sorry, anon with to much energy again, would like to add i'm not sure if i have adhd or not but i'm leaning towards no cause it would be really inconvenient if i did and also this happens with literally everything not just videos, books, youtube vids(rn), tv shows, games idk how to end this so have a good day!

My problem is definitely in the opposite direction, I never have enough energy. Would that we could switch.

So I will say iirc social murder is a legitimate concept that's typically used to describe the ways that vulnerable populations are quietly killed under the guise of "letting die" such as putting DNRs on disabled patients during covid who had no desire for and indeed no idea they had effectively been marked as "acceptable to let die". It goes along with stuff like abjectification aka a demographic is made into not simply an object or non-human but a monster worthy of being put down. The abjectification of Palestinians is what allows the state of israel to say explicitly or implicitly things like "there are no innocent civilians" Sorry if there's any typos I've missed ^^;;

Pervious anon again to also clarify that social murder is something done systematically and can be done by omission too like the way in which adoptees especially trans racial & international adoptees face higher rates of suicide, risk of harm fron caregives, and medical issues that go treated bc of a lack of family medical history bc were just seen as ungrateful for wanting contact with our families of origin even if it's SOLEY for getting our medical records

Trans ppl of all kinds experience social murder through medical neglect, domestic/caregiver/workplace violence and though omission via lack of legal protection/trans panic defense stuff. Social murder is not something one individual does to another individual though individuals do uphold the systems that allow social murder...it's very uncomfortable to be part of the demographics that are subject to these quiet "letting die" situations and fear that we'll become a statistic and then have ppl try to turn it into an interpersonal gotcha for lateral aggression / separatist purposes so like ty for trying to course correct that Again sorry if we missed any typos and we think your really cool ^^;;

I think that's just a similar name for an entirely different concept, though. I don't know to what extent "social murder" is or was used outside of transradfem circles to mean "canceling but like, evil" but it was the first time I heard either the phrase or that context.

hey as a trans man I just wanted to let you know I really really appreciate your blog and you standing with us, I hope we can all endeavour to stand by each other in times like this. we're stronger together than apart and every trans person, regardless of identity, deserves to have a voice.

It's always my pleasure, anon.

nice transandrophobic opinion, nerd. did you get it from your favorite tankie blogger?

lmao fr I need to start using that

Miss Velvet, I am unfollowing, flambéing, blocking, etc for your dragon ball takes! …just kidding. I love your posts.

I have all the right takes.

youre so cool

I knowwwwww

such a weird assumption that trans women cant be into detrans kink too?? my trans girlfriend was into it and even if i personally wasnt i like being a kink sponge so she could get it all out on me

It's especially bullshit because the coiner of transandrophobia was crucified for a indulging a trans woman with a detrans kink.

out of curiosity. any thoughts on cannibalism? hypothetically of course. fantasy only

Not my thing, although I think the metaphysical idea of incorporating what you eat into your spirit somehow is fascinating.

I checked the post and I'm not seeing ops letting terfs call trans women rapist in the replies Like its not there They were just offline and can't be online to block every shit terf that speaks every three seconds. Also love how that person remived rbs after u saw the post bc they know theyre lying and pretending they're being "dogpiled"

I relaize I might just have all the terfs blocked but my point stabds: this person probably isnt chronically online to argue with every terfs who makes up lies. i sometimes just ignore them bc yhe obly terfs i worry about are the ones who say that shit in real queer spaces an noth their pathetic little blogs

Yeah, like. The idea was that they were deleting one group of radfems and not the other and that just wasn't true. So frustrating, but them killing the reblogs is hilarious as always.

[entropy-sea-system]

Sex-favorable aces have different struggles and experiences than allosexual aros. But please know that alloaros are way less visible than aces to begin with and we do not owe you solidarity especially if you make no effort to show solidarity towards us. Don't silence alloaros by claiming we have to put the struggles of sex favorable aces first or even see them as the same as us.

Yes sex favorable aces are targeted for wanting sex without sexual attraction. No thats not the same thing as alloaros being targeted for not having romantic attraction (or experiencing it less or conditionally, in a way that deviates from the norm, etc.) and experiencing sexual attraction. Not all alloaros are even sex favorable.

Aces have been far more able to talk about their struggles and recieve support from outsiders than aros simply due to having more of a community and the label being around for longer. Please don't silence alloaros just bc you think we don't acknowledge your struggles.

Some aces and aroaces simply do not care about alloaro issues as much or even do anything by way of supporting us, from my experience. Its unfair of them to expect us to shut up about our struggles or always talk about them as well. It's unfair that we get labelled as "not getting along" w aces and aroaces.

Make a meaningful effort to include alloaros and other non ace aros in your aspec and aro activism and positivity etc. Don't try to malign a less visible part of the aspec and arospec communities just because you think we're the problem.

(Note that this is based on my experiences. I dont care if you personally have never seen an ace say this count yourself lucky to have not been subject to such views in that case.

Also this post is about non ace aros, mostly alloaros. Do not make it about aces or aroaces or tag as these identities please. Other non ace aros are welcome to add on about how their specific identities are invisibilised or maligned in the community too as some such identities like non sam and neu aro are even more ignored than alloaros.)

[cryscendo]

i was gonna reply to your comment on my post but i thought id bring the discourse straight to your inbox instead alskfjdslk its not like we're telling teenagers to go out and discover some weird kinks of their own right this second lmao but they absolutely have to learn to be comfortable with the fact that people are going to be into kinky shit they think is weird and thats its not in fact a moral issue and also none of their business lol

like when i was a kid everything was so fucking raunchy and im not saying it was better but everything has to be so fucking sanitized now and thats not good either. when i was a kid online in the 00s people would literally link you to shock porn videos as a joke and that was just an accepted norm. nowadays there are so many ways to tailor your online experience to you and people are just ignoring all these block and filter functions and look at shit they know they dont like and bitch about it when they had every opportunity not to see it

and it goes back to the fucking rocky horror discourse like god forbid youre trying to portray a queer character in a way thats anything other than the most palatable beige blank slate that ever was. god forbid a queer character acts or dresses or looks or behaves in a queer way aksfjsld they want everything to be so fucking boring and palatable to 1) encapsulate every single queer experience on earth in a single piece of media and 2) be tolerable to straight people because theyre under the illusion that there is any acceptable way for a queer person to be to a bigot other than dead. both are a useless endeavor and they need to quit wasting energy on caring about either

like god fandom just feels so bleak nowadays and i know part of it is bc of how fast things move and no one can hold longterm interest in stuff anymore but a huge part of it is how flat out prudish people are all of a sudden

let ships be problematic let queer characters be weird let sex be kinky lmao let fandom by fun again my godddd

sorry for the rant aklsfjkdshfdk i apparently had a lot to say but hey i love you thanks for complaining with me xxxxx

omg i’m so sorry i meant to respond to this earlier than now!!! i saw it originally when i was waking up for work and thought “ooooh she’s making some banger points i’ll respond to that on my break” and then i just… forgot. so here i am now better late than never 🥰

i’ve always had a bit of a problem with the incessant need to sanitize fandom. i’m not saying ppl can’t curate their fandom experience to appeal to their interests, because obviously, they absolutely can. HOWEVER i do think it has become much more policed than it once was.

i think kink, and understanding its place on a fundamental level (especially within queer spaces), is something that takes maturity to fully understand. like with the rocky horror thing, the use of sexuality and kink is inherently different than what a young person of today might perceive it as. it doesn’t particularly surprise me that people are so sensitive to it, because they simply don’t understand their roots — they’ve formed this concept of queerness that pleases them, and therefore find other demonstrations of queerness to be antiquated or “back-pedalling” (even though we both know it isn’t). i think it’s dumb and immature to try to dictate “right and wrong” ways to be queer, but i’m also not all that shocked that it’s happening.

all this to say, queer characters don’t have to fit into the boxes that we deem as “appropriate”. just like how real queer people don’t owe an explanation for who they are, these queer characters don’t HAVE to reflect every queer person that engages with their media.

personally for me, kink is a MASSIVE component of the queer experience. so because of that, i like my favourite bitches to be kinky but that’s just me 😌

absolutely feel free to rant anytime your opinions are literally always correct to me <3