#bc if a person or a circumstance can change who I am with him then it can change me entirely fr I hold him v close to me

[thecottagecorebisexuals]

Yeah it's definitely telling about society. Hamefura is intended to be mindless fun rather than thought provoking social commentary but there are so many elements to analyze that don't get very expanded on (like Sora getting sold bc he tried stealing the medicine to save his mentor bc it was too expensive) in it that I'm saying "hold up, you can't drop this and leave it at that" many times throughout it.

About how FL affects Hamefura, we do know that some things just have to happen (like Pochi for example or Catarina getting accused of bullying Maria) but it's in a very flexible way. So fate definitely exists but maybe not in a set in stone way. I feel that we have a script that it's written mostly in graphite pencil with some words written with ink and we have an eraser for the pencil but no way to change the ink.

That's pretty interesting! And more confidence definitely is essential in the makeover™️. Which is why the shallowness social commentary they sometimes have often falls flat to me, since beauty and confidence are never really separated in them. Irl they're a bit connected ofc but movies don't visually commit to separate them.

My Next Life as a Villainess provides an interesting commentary on how appearances do change the way people perceive you, but it doesn't feel intentional

Because the Unnamed girl who reincarnated into Katarina has the same personality she had in her previous life once she regained her memories and that obviously is a huge part of what draws people to her, but we literally only see her with one friend in her previous life, when she's less conventionally attractive (she's not even unattractive, she's just like plain)

Yet in her new life everyone wants to be around her and be her friend (or her significant other) and it's not her personality that's different in this, it's her appearance

And literally the show, manga, and light novels don't go into any of this at all really, it's just there lurking in the background

Which is fascinating in its own right as it makes it difficult to tell if it's because it's unintentional on the author's part or if it's intentional but not something they want to deeply address, either way, I still think it's important overall

[halloithmeagain]

.

[tangents-within-tangents]

Thoughts on Echo as amputee/disability representation

First and foremost, I am not disabled or an amputee and I don’t claim to speak for those communities (and if I was I couldn't speak for everyone). What little I do know mostly comes from this youtube channel (@oakwyrm), this post, and other research I’ve done for my writing (and like one amputee I kinda knew in passing). By all means correct me and add to the conversation, I just have some thoughts I want to share because I haven’t really seen this discussed anywhere

Overview

So Echo is interesting. He is a triple amputee which is pretty rare in media. His disabilities come from extremely traumatic circumstances: injured in a near-death experience, imprisoned and dehumanized as an experiment with no autonomy over what happened to his body.

There are a few moments in the shows where Echo is treated… questionably. Like this bit where Rex uses him as an example of the Separatists' evils to convince the locals to fight back:

To be fair, yeah Echo’s treatment does prove that the Techno Union is not neutral like they claim. The modifications that everyone is gasping in horror at here obviously weren’t made with comfort and accessibility in mind, nor with Echo’s consent. But you still just want to be sure that “They took away his freedom, his humanity, they tried to turn him into a machine” is about using him as a living computer, not the fact that he is missing limbs. 

The Batch is also pretty insensitive toward him and his trauma imo, which is weird considering they've supposedly also faced discrimination for their mutations

Disabled people do have to deal with stuff like this in this day and age so I guess it can speak to those experiences. I think especially him being mistaken as a droid (and Hunter going along with it (bruh)) might resonate with some people. 

Aside from that stuff, Echo isn't really treated any differently as a character/person which is really good (as low of a bar as that is).

We get this moment in CW where Echo contemplates that yeah things are gonna be different now

While also (imo at least) showing that he is still the same person regardless, evidenced by the fact that he just echoed Rex :,) I also think it's significant that he joins the Bad Batch on his own terms and we're given a really emotional scene to specifically show that he's not just like 'lumped in with the other misfits' but that it is his choice to go where he feels his place is.

A lot of people, myself included, are disappointed that TBB didn't have more time to explore Echo's PTSD, but I think the one panic attack scene we did get is really good. Even thought it's minor it at least is an appropriate reaction from a guy who was medically tortured (which is more than I've come to expect from Star Wars shows lol)

And it's really sweet to see Omega showing Echo some empathy and consideration.

It would have been nice to see more of his adjustment period, and other side effects like chronic pain and maintenance, but there’s a lot of daily life stuff the show never had time for (i.e. we don’t know if he removed his prosthetics to sleep, but we also never saw him sleep anyway). His disabilities might take on a background role (much like the character himself sadly) but for the most part they aren’t invisible or erased, nor do they define his character and arc.

Physical Appearance

Okay this one is bit dicey, bc on the one hand, yes complaints that Echo’s paleness (most likely caused by burns from the explosion or chemical burns from the cryo-chamber) is whitewashing are totally valid. But I also think you can draw comparisons to real life conditions that affect pigmentation/complexion (like you know burns). So while I understand why a lot of fanart will depict him with his original skin tone and with hair, consider that there are real people who have to live with temporary or permanent changes to their appearance, and the idea of “fixing" him by making him look more like his old self can be problematic.

It's also interesting to note that Echo could act as a reversal of the 'disabled/disfigured = evil' trope. He's pale and bald and wears black and red, which is so often visually associated with villains, but we all know Echo is the bestest boy™

The Headpiece

Echo’s headpiece is interesting because within the show we don’t actually ever learn much about it (idk if there is more info in books or whatever bc i don’t have them so?). He didn’t have it in CW so we know it didn’t come from the Techno Union and therefore Echo probably had more choice with it. We don’t know its exact purpose but it’s most likely related to his scomping abilities. When he is hacking with his scomp in CW, before he has his headpiece, it’s clearly very mentally straining:

We don’t see him struggling like this in TBB once he does have it (though that could be bc he got more used to it over time). There doesn't seem to be much of an impact when he removes his headpiece in s3 ep14-15, except that he gets stuck in the ports every time he uses his scomp which is not something we’ve seen before: 

There might not be an exact real-world equivalent, but the headpiece is some kind of accessibility aid. It means that someone specifically designed a device to help him adapt to the changes the Techno Union made, as well as a helmet that integrates it. It’s removable and visually very present, much like a cochlear implant would be. (A lot of people actually headcanon it to act partially as a hearing aid, since it makes sense that Echo’s hearing would have been damaged in the explosion, but there isn't really any indication of this in canon.) The headpiece is never really acknowledged in the show, but I think that's a good thing. It's something he needs/wants and it just exists, completely normalized, and that's pretty cool 👍

Legs

Sigh... So from the very first episode of TBB I was really disappointed that the animation team or whoever completely visually erased Echo’s prosthetic legs (I think we all were, honestly, if fanart is anything to go by). It’s one thing when he’s in armor because he would probably want to protect his prosthetics, but we literally see him in his blacks and there is no indication whatsoever that he lost his legs even though it was not left up for debate at all in CW:

Like ??????!?

This is just really strange to me! Idk what went on behind the scenes with this decision but I don’t really see why it would be that much harder to animate or anything since it’s 3D and they've done it before. We do see some pretty sophisticated cybernetic technology in Star Wars canon that mimics real limbs:

But Luke’s fancy hand is technically 20ish years from now, so Anakin and Maul are more of a representation of what level we could expect here

So yeah, for no apparent reason, his leg amputation is effectively, visually and narratively nonexistent. Which is not great 👎

Arm!

The scomp on the other hand (uh lol!) is the complete opposite and I kinda love it!

At first I, like many others, thought it was a bit odd that they didn’t give Echo a prosthetic arm. Losing hands is basically a Star Wars tradition at this point, so robotic arms/hands are well established within the worldbuilding: 

We aren’t necessarily given a canon reason for why Echo doesn't get a cybernetic arm (again unless it's in some lore book I haven’t read, sorry). General fanon explanations I’ve seen are that he either couldn’t because the Techno Union wired the scomp too far into his nervous system, and/or the resources to give him one were deemed too expensive for a clone (what about his legs tho?), or that he chose not to, usually because he thought the scomping was useful. 

Regardless, I actually really love this choice (and it's the whole reason I made this post), because here's the thing: There’s a lot of problematic tropes out there that either erase/cure disabilities or compensate them with perks (like how pretty much any blind character is actually not blind by some sort of magic power). With amputees that is done with robotic arms. The character is still an amputee or course, and there is still value in that representation, if this story from Mark Hamill that makes me tear up is anything to go by:

but for the most part these characters function like anyone else, just with a limb that looks a little different. It’s no more than a video game skin, an able-bodied actor with a green screen glove. It “cures” the disability, or it actually makes the character even stronger than usual: 

It usually makes sense within the world of the story, but the reason it’s not so great in my opinion is that in the real world we just do not have technology anywhere close to that yet. Prosthetics can more or less replace any mobility from lost legs, but not for all the complexities of a hand (and even if they could the average person wouldn’t be able to afford it).

So

I think it's actually really super cool that Echo’s scomp bypasses the canonically-established amputee erasure and functions much like a stump would irl. He integrates it into his movements and everyday life and it’s (as far as I know) a lot closer to an everyday amputee’s experience. 

It doesn’t define his character, it doesn’t hold him back, he lives a full life, the other’s don’t treat him any differently, and he’s still a total karking badass 

The only additional thing is that he sometimes uses it as a weapon (which given his story, I think it’s cool to see him taking back autonomy in a way, and we only see that like twice)

And also the scomping, which could be seen as the 'added/compensating superpower' trope. But narratively it's no different than if he was plugging in with a hacking gadget of some kind (he didn't necessarily "need" to lose his arm for it) and it’s not like Echo is completely defined by this skill. Personally, I think it's well worth the positives of him actually having a visible and realistically impactful amputation. 

I see a lot of posts or comments out there that say stuff like “how come Echo doesn’t get a hand?” or fanworks that do give him one and I just think it’s a bit of a shame. If he did get a robotic hand, it just would have disappeared the same way his legs and Anakin’s arm did (aside from that one time he got yoinked by a magnet). When Echo did “get a hand” in the last two episodes there were comments like “yay he finally got a hand! but it doesn’t even work” but I was actually so relieved that it didn’t! Bc for one thing that wouldn’t make any sense, he grabbed it off a droid, it wasn’t designed to implement with his scomp, that would be really complicated. But more importantly because it again refused to erase/cure his disability! It functioned like a real-world cosmetic prosthetic (useless beyond appearance) which is exactly what he needed it for, so that he could blend in better with his disguise.

And he continually took it off throughout the episode and ditched it at the end. He only used it for the necessity of a stealth mission, he doesn’t feel the need to visually “fit in” in his daily life. 

And, last but very much not least, he made a dad joke and from my intel that is very accurate representation!

TLDR: Echo’s scomp is actually really cool from an amputee representation perspective, especially within Star Wars, and I think that deserves some appreciation 

[myfairkatiecat]

okay so shannon giving us a keefe pov seems actually lowkey important and what i would do in the story rn but I'm not convinced she's going to use it to do the things I feel like we need her to do.

let me explain.

Shannon set Sophie up as a character who behaves certain ways. A lot of those ways are very good, and she's certainly a hero, but she also has character flaws that get worked through. For example, she can be a little reckless (personally I would have made all the same choices) (I know we think of Keefe as the reckless one but he's a different type of reckless) she can prioritize the wrong things, she can be disorganized, etc (all things that are super valid and understandable and make her relatable btw. I am a sophie foster defender)

and BECAUSE sophie is the protagonist, we see all of this develop. She has certain qualities that are a little stagnant sometimes, at least if you look from the outside, but there's actually a ton of development going on. She hears others' opinions on her actions, good and bad, and the reader sees how this impacts her and how she grows and changes, even if that change is nonlinear or in many ways she stays the same and just grows more mature.

Here's the thing about Keefe. he wandered out of side character territory and into second main character territory starting at the end of everblaze and peaking in legacy. And Shannon has been INTENTIONALLY writing him with consistent character flaws since the beginning, explainable by his past circumstances in fascinating ways. But we aren't there to see a lot of the falling out for that stuff.

A lot of people complain that keefe never faced consequences for stealing the caches or never had the black swan or adults yelling at him or mistrusting him or his friends avoiding him. And like... we do not know that. It could simply be that that was just not Sophie's problem at the time. Sophie also may have simply not been one of the people giving him a difficult time about it. In fact, we know she wasn't, but boy oh boy Fitz certainly didn't bounce back in less than five seconds. And we don't know what the Council and/or black swan did with him that sophie just wasn't involved in--and bc it didn't become relevant to the plot from sophie's perspective, sophie being the actual MC, it just seems unimportant.

Another thing is that Keefe has a lot of the same character flaws throughout the series, but they do shift somewhat with his experiences, and that's without us even seeing in his head, you know? So here's the thing.

Shannon went and started developing Keefe like a second protagonist (who is interestingly also an anti hero in some ways) and even if you aren't a person who thinks he's the most developed character on the paper (disagree but see where you're coming from) he's DEFINITELY most developed in shannon's brain, and that bleeds through. But then we ONLY see Sophie's perspective BECAUSE THIS IS SOPHIE'S STORY, and everything revolves around what is relevant to the plot from her perspective, and then keefe is just in the background being extremely important and relevant and having all these extra issues that we ONLY ever see from sophie's perspective.

Unlocked was... well, it was half a book, and only half of it was keefe. I actually do think his perspective was enlightening in some ways, but a full keefe book at this point kind of seems necessary to me. Because... he's taken on the role of another main character in this story, but we don't see any of that development happening, and for a lot of people i can see that getting taxing. Now I get that those same people also wish keefe would just. step back from the plot. and i get that! but I think with the way he's involved in the plot NOW, seeing his perspective is important, because sophie's POV (especially with her unreliable narration) doesn't give us enough of a window into the complexity that is keefe's worldview right now, especially with all the ways he keeps impacting things. it's just a really important perspective to have at this point.

Shannon, if unraveled is just keefe trying different human foods and giggling like a kotlc react on wattpad, I will probably enjoy it bc i love your work always, but i will also be shaking you by the shoulders because we need this book and you better spend it doing the things we need

[hyp3rfixation-h3ll]

ok im writing this After the rant i posted in the tags but to add on to your post. If she hated the Lost Bots, especially Burgertron, WHY would she invite them 2 Bot Prom in the first place? If the writers WANTED HER to be a villain character or toxic they wouldn't have written her as a morally grey/complicated character!!! They'd have partnered her with Spud even! She did that out of a kind gesture because they did something nice-- she even said it herself! If Bot Prom hadn't been sabotaged, The LBs would've been welcomed happily back into Bot-ciety and Spud, being a jealous hoebag (/lh), decided to play villain because he didn't want Burgertron to get the limelight back on him. She ultimately had NOTHING to do with what was going on with her two friends, she just got caught in the middle of it. and as harsh as it sounds, she's not obligated to defend anybody-- She is her own person, and as such can be influenced to think one way or the other! She is not immune to emotional and mental manipulation!! And I'm 1000% inclined to believe she was being manipulated FROM THE GET-GO. in conclusion, your honor, my client is being SLANDERED by the FANBASE and she has DEPTH to her that EVERYONE SLEEPS ON because they don't like MORALLY COMPLICATED CHARACTERS!!!! [EXPLOSION SFX

"Ulf is toxic!"

Listen... I get it... but hear me out; I think Spud Muffin had something to do with it.

Spud literally called her "Babe" in "I, Cheeseburger" implying he might have a crush on her. You could make the argument that he could be the kind of person who calls everyone "babe" but he never does this with any other character.

So who's not to say Spud was feeding Ulf (and the Hunger Hubs as a whole) all kinds of lies about Burgertron trying to get her to hate him?

She trusts Spud, everyone does. Why would anyone assume Spud would intentionally sabotage his "best friend"? Much less frame them for murder? Or ruin what everyone--even supposedly Spud himself--calls the most important night of their lives?

He also got angry in the Bot Prom episode when Ulf proposed the idea of bringing him back on the squad, and sabotaged him. He probably did other things behind the scenes or spread other lies (especially since it would be easy for a "Best Friend" to say "He said X, he would've wanted Y") off screen.

If the bot he loves the most wouldn't want him back, why would Burgertron have a reason to want to be back?

Which was what Spud wanted. He wanted him out of the Hunger Hubs, so he could be leader. What better way to do that than to turn the person you love most against you?

"You just kept. Coming. Back." So clearly, Spud could've made uses of other ways to keep Burgertron out. Being the new leader, the Hunger Hubs listened to him, and why on earth would you not trust someone who used to be your leader's best friend? Nobody expected him to break the Sacred Rule of The Mall either--Spud probably had more tricks up his sleeve to keep Burgertron lost.

By no means does it justify how Ulf acted at times, but clearly she still loves him and was heartbroken when learn exactly how deep Spud's resentment goes.

"He's going to be a lost bot forever! All of you are!" Everyone has said something fucked up to someone they loved out of anger, or held anger to people they genuinely loved and then realized later they shouldn't have snapped. It's really a natural response, especially considering it probably wasn't just that instance she was angry about--but every other time the Lost Bots "messed things up" (either because it was or wasn't their fault) as well as Spud probably feeding her lies behind the scene. Even if she didn't believe them, this could've looked like a justification that Spud was right.

Not only that, but everyone has periods in their life where they act toxic or hold toxic beliefs, especially if it's because someone else convinced you to think that way. Usually it's only when that person is removed from the equation and the answers really start coming out. As the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20.

How many times have you failed to realize you acted shamefully, or that this person or that person was a lying scumbag, only to realize the red flags were everywhere after everything was done?

Also keep in mind; Burgertron was an egotist. He clearly cared about little more than his status and being the "Cool Guy". These types of people hang out with people who care about their status just as much. The difference? We watched Burgertron grow and change. Ulf did not get this treatment because she didn't have to.

So, I'm willing to bet in season 2, since clearly the other squads now accept the Lost Bots as a recognized squad, some will also start fully realizing how shitty they were acting. Burgertron did! And the others started to accept the other Lost Bots in their intended squads, and they're clearly open to Spud redeeming himself through hard work.

Which means, Ulf probably will too.

And honestly, that would make them a really great ship imo

[howlsofbloodhounds]

I have another fic idea, inspired by that creature Color art Toffee made, where Epic tries to cure himself of his Eye Demons while helping Color have his own missing eye repaired (the socket with the flames through his skull) by splitting his Eye between the both of them. That way, Epic would still get the powers of the Eye but no nightmares and Color doesn’t have to fear his flames going out. But the experiment goes awry and he accidentally turns himself and Color into creatures: Color a dragon sort of creature (that Toffee drew: please see attached image below :D) and Epic a wraith (think more ghostly, like Reaper from Overwatch, where shadows and wisps trails off of him).

Crepic is established and Color Spectrum Duo that will become Colorkiller. I got stuck when I realized that I wasn’t entirely sure how Killer would react and implore advice from the resident Killer expert ^v^

So, Dragonkin Color ends up looking like the dragon he’s always felt he was, and his best friend is…I don’t know how skilled would react/feel. I can’t decide if Killer would be weary, like he doesn’t trust its Color bc he looks so different, Or on the other hand/also, he’s jealous bc now Color looks how he always felt he was but Killer is still a kin and doesn’t look it.

I think he’d be just a little jealous, and maybe more assertive (bc Killer had an obsession with Power Dynamics ingrained into him) and is more forward with Color.

What do you think? How would Killer react to Color’s drastic change in appearance? And how would he treat Color, given that he cares deeply for him but wouldn’t know how to feel for him now?

It’s 2 AM so apologies if things a little wonky but

Probably depends on the exact circumstances of everything, but i think whatever complicated feelings he has in Stage 1 would likely be quickly buried and hidden underneath Stage 2 (such as if the situation possibly led into a panic attack but he was triggered into Stage 2 before it could escalate too much), who i think would react to something new as he always has: with curiosity and a need for control over the situation, this time through understanding it.

I think he’d want to find a way to test Color, or what used to be Color but doesn’t look like him. Not only the physical form, but his mind, his personality, his behaviors. He’d want to satisfy his curiosity, feel some sense of control, and establish if Color is safe or not safe. If he’s changed or not, and if so, how, and can it be fixed. If Color is happy and safe.

If Color’s still his or not. And if not, how he can remind him.

He’d probably detach from Color emotionally for awhile until he finds a satisfying answer, or until Color does or says something to put him back into Stage 1–where he’s aware of these feelings and fears, insecurities, maybe that intense fear that he’s lost Color and will never get him back. Until Color is able to establish that he’s still “safe.”

Any jealousy and insecurity would probably slip through in comments, looks, or gestures, but hed probably try to mask and hide them under his curiosity or some other means—Stage 2 may even be confused or unsettled by it, and ultimately try to dismiss the emotions as “not real” or something along those lines.

Or alternatively, perhaps Stage 2’s fascination with Color will take the forefront when if/when he still sees Color as Color, and now his curiosity is tinged with admiration and an obsessive focus. Similar to way he’s oh so curious about Color’s six souls.

[soodoonimin]

Wade Wilson and the self:

So I’ve stated before I’m not Deadpool’s #1 fan BUT I am reading some of his comics alongside Wolvie's so I thought I’d give a character analysis a shot. This is going to be shorter than my Logan one because unfortunately I’m just not as in tune with the character, I’m super sorry but I hope it’s still good! :)

Some imagines are kind of graphic and gross so beware.

Dear Wade Wilson,

Who are you? No really who are you? Because as you may already know you’ve had many writers over the years, your character has changed drastically in the 33 years you’ve been ink on a page. So who are you?

Deadpool is an enigma, except for the fact that he isn’t. He both is and isn’t a good person. He’s someone who keeps a blind elderly woman hostage in his apartment and someone who talks teenagers down from the literal ledge. He is actually a pretty smart person depsite the million different ways he acts like a complete dumbass.

So here’s what I find kind of funny (sad) about Deadpool. He seems to also believe himself to be a monster (which is something we talked about with Logan) but the difference is between Logan and Deadpool is also where they’re the same and this little bit about him comes up a lot. See Deadpool had a little more of a fighting chance than Logan when it came to living a "normal" life but because of circumstances outside of his control he was walked down the path he currently finds himself on and when he actually realized where he was and what he was to people, he was utterly mortified by it.

People react to these kinds of things diffrently and that reaction isn't static, it can change over time. For Wade I think his general view on his situation is kind of mix of nihilistic and absurd. And he regularly toes the line between caring, not caring and doing whatever for the lols. (of course this depending on who writing him bc Wade does change a lot depending on the writing BUT I think that just fits so well with his character).

Wade uses humor to distract from his pain (both physical and emotional) but I also kind of think that him being annoying, him letting people hate him is just a way he punishes himself for just existing. It's easy and it requires very little work on his part and in a weird way it gives him an excuse to not care about the world.

Especially because he believes he's not really a person, because he believes he's a comic book character.

And so I have this HC about him and his 4th wall breaking abilities. See, I don't think the reason he's “crazy” is because of the torture of the Weapon X (or weapon plus or whatever) program or because of his cancer. I think Wade is crazy because when he finally "woke up" and saw what was had happened to his life, when he saw what he'd become and all the terrible things he did, I think that's what what broke him. Because I think that for all the terrible terrible things Wades does/has done he is still a good person to some extent, he still has a good heart and so imagine you're a kind person, who looks back one day and you see all the terrible things you've done. All the people killed. Everything. How do you cope with that exactly? Well if. you're Wade Wilson, I think first you start by adopting a world view that makes those realities easier to swallow and two I think you stop believing in reality.

I think him breaking the fourth wall is in a way him disassociating into our reality the same way many of us disassociate into his. That's how he's able to have that connections with us but because we're unable to respond to him and because he can't *actually* see us it does very little to comfort him.

What worse about this though is he doesn't really have much if any connection with the people around him. Like yes, he does have his daughter and his friends but the things is, its impossible for him to truly connect with those people in his life because he doesn't see himself as worth that love.

So specifically in the WW3 comic I think the reason he picks Logan as the person to help him is because he kind of already knows Logan doesn't like him BUT he can't help but feel this kind of kinship with the mutant and he know Logan is a genuinely good person and wouldn't just leave him to die. It's a little manipulative but he's desperate.

The thing is (especially in that comic) he doesn’t see how him and Logan are different.

See Logan’s “monster” is more or less, real and it's something he had no control over. His mutation (the very thing he fears) would have always come to disrupt his life, would have always made him a monster in the eyes of others if not himself and so in some ways, Logan was set up for failure at the start.

Wade on the other hand is different in that like all of us he made choices (that were yes heavily influenced by bad circumstance) and there is a possibility that had he his childhood been significantly better or not gotten diagnosed with cancer, he may have walked a less destructive path. The “monster” that he'd become might not haven't never existed because there isn't anything wrong with Wade and there isn't anything about Wade (that doesn't have to do with the Weapon X program) that people would have any reason to inherently hate.

As it stands though, he knows he’s done bad things and although he knows he can’t make up for them, he also doesn’t know how to forgive himself, I doubt he'd even want to if he knew how. In the WW3 comic he almost spells out that he feels like a lesser version of Wolverine because of how he got his abilities.

To him every other hero, from his childhood hero (Captain American) to his current totally best friend (Spider Man) or his other best friend (Nate Summer) are all just a reminder to him of how inadequate he will always be. What's funny to me about the his relationship with all three of these people. (despite the fact that they all make him feel the same kind of inadequacy) is how he treats them.

W/ Cap he treats him the way you might treat your idol. Serious and with respect.

W/ Spidy, he literally fawns over him, is practically in love with him, he's constantly looking after him and in a weird way seeks to be like him.

W/ Cable is where it's interesting because Wade almost never misses an opportunity to mock Cable. Never misses an opportunity to try to a blow to his ego despite the fact that they are technically friends.

What the difference?

W/ Cap it’s because exactly as I said before, that’s his hero. The man he idolizes and will forever wish he could be.

W/ Spidy its more interesting bc I think his obsession w/ Spider-Man is more to do with the fact that he envies him. He envies his (for lack of a better work) innocence. He is envies his moral convictions and he in some respects envies the life he imagines spidy must live. But instead of letting that envy turn him green I think he unconsciously channels into that obsessive behavior.

And W/ Cable, I think it has a a lot to do with the fact that Cable (like many) does call Wade out on his shit, it isn’t necessarily about kill but it’s seems like when Wade and Cable butt heads, it’s less black and white philosophy on the ethics of killing and more the morality of actions and inaction and what that means for the people involved (we’ll get there don’t worry).

So here's kind of where I'm going to go into a soft rant about heroes in the Marvel universe. I think the no killing rule is fine. I understand the idea, especially for heroes like Spider Man, why "no killing" is a rule one is inclined to follow. What I do often find very frustrating is the moral superiority that certain heroes take on when following that rule and how they apply that to their fellow crime fighters. Yes I know Wade is a nitrous mercenary and so he isn't always killing for "moral" reasons but when he takes that skill set into the hero business I do feel like he gets shit on more than he deserves idk, maybe my hate for Spider-Man supersedes my (relative) disinterest in Deadpool that I’m willing to defend some murder if it means spiting the web head.

Back on track…

So in the WW3 comic, I think the real reasons Wade's 'becoming' (or his attempt to be human as he believed it to be) failed is because in some respects Delta was right. Wade put too much stock into the idea that he and Wolverine were one and the same and the issue is, he was wrong. Of course, not because Wolverine is a monster but because Logan and Wade face a similar challenge, just on a different plane of existence.

Logan's challenges are all about accepting who he and seeing the good within himself, seeing that yes the monster he's scared of does exist and it does live under his skin but that monster isn’t him in any meaningful way.

Wade's problems are more in line that he can't see the good that already exists in himself. He can’t see that his will and desire to change puts him leagues ahead of where he thinks he is. See I think what some people tend to forget in the idea of healing is that you do need to be able to forgive yourself for whatever you did in the past. I think Wade doesn’t understand that just because the world may never see him as nothing more than a “overpriced mercenary” that doesn’t necessarily mean that’s all he is.

I think Wade failed in the WW3 comic (and I think the reason his character struggles so much with himself) is because he underestimates his own humanity. And in the WW3 comic specifically he expected a quick fix to his perceived problem and when nothing changed he was faced with the reality that most of us have to face at some point or another. That there is nothing wrong with us. We might have flaws, yeah everyone does but in our core there’s nothing “wrong” and when Wade was faced with that reality I think he understood it (especially considering the ending of this comic) but I wonder if he was a real person, would he be able to apply that lesson to himself? Who knows…

However I think for his character, a bit of his self-image struggles may also have to do with what he sees in the mirror (literally) and that means something because aside from adding to the tragedy of his character I think his scarred face says something about how the world sees him rather than how he sees himself.

Why do I think that? Well here’s this thing right. In the Spidey-Deadpool comics, Wade makes a deal with his love (Lady Death) and basically in order to save Spider Man he has to “pay a price” so here’s the thing. In the very next set of comics Wade’s scars are gone he looks normal and I’ve seen a lot of people interpret this normal look at his outside reflecting his inside and all that and like yes BUT. What I really don’t see most people talk about is that his wife (Shiklah) over the course of the comics stops finding his attractive and like yeah some of this is a result of him trying to be a good guy but there are also times when she directly tells him he looks disgusting even though he looks normal. So for one reason or another death made him look normal but as a direct result of this, he essentially sacrificed his marriage.

This gets even more confusing because when he's forced to kill Itsy Bitsy, he basically immediately goes back to looking kind of gross again even though this was another sacrifice he had to make. I think maybe the way that he looks (at least in that Spider Man run is more of a reflection of his conscience) I think in a weird way Death cleared his guilt and thus gave him his face back but when he was forced to kill again (no matter how justified) that guilt overwhelmed him and boom his back to looking that way again.

I don't know if he would know this directly but I think its very fitting with his character that his outward appearance has less to do with his actual culpability and more about how he feels about that situation because again Deadpool does a lot of shitty things but more or less for the right reasons but regardless he never feels good about any of it.

This is also funny though, because of his lack of self esteem and desperate desire to be seen as a good guy, he’ll do things that would undoubtedly put in him on the wrong side of history for the express purpose of feeling better about his actions.

Take him being on the side of the Super Human Registration Act during Civil War. I don’t doubt that he justifies his actions to himself by saying “those kids that died could have been my daughter” (because he does say this) but during his fight with Cable (see told you we’d come back to him) it isn’t his ideals that are being challenged. No, actually what was being called into question was his morality and the very thing (at the time), that he’d put a lot of his self worth stock into was shown to be extremely corrupt (and by his best friend no less). Wade is looking for anything and everything to grasp onto that isn’t himself that will give his life meaning. Even if it is a corrupt system, he’s willing to look the other way if gives him the feeling of being more than he think that he is and yet I don't think he realizes that that thing he's been looking for has been right in front of him for a while now.

Part of me wonders how Wade sees his relationship with Ellie. Because unlike Logan, his relationship with her isn’t strained because sees too much of himself in her, in fact from what I can tell they have a very loving relationship despite the fact that Wade doesn’t believe himself to be worthy of being Ellie’s dad. And kind of going back to the WW3 comic, what I find super interesting and very sad is how Logan and Wade are so similar in so many way but also so very different. Where Logan sees his (many) children and sees all the ways he's failed them , all the things wrong with himself, all the ways he fucked up and all the things that were taken from him, and thus he tries to distance himself from them in every way possible.

Wade sees Ellie and he see the one and only good thing about him and like a truly good parent he nurtures that brightness in her (not a diss on Logan's parenting btw but this about Wade lmao) and although he does keep his distance because of the nature of his work and the nature of himself he doesn’t alienate her from his life. In some weird way, I think the fact that Wade does keep his distance from Ellie in the way that he does actually makes their relationship stronger and I think it speaks deeply to the goodness of Wade that he tried to deny exists.

The way I read Wade Wilson is a representation of, no matter how badly we may fuck up in life, no matter how many mistakes we might make or how many times we might make those same mistakes, we should never give up on being better even if it means losing people along the way. And we should recognize that “being better” is not only hard but also that it isn’t always contingent on what others think of you. You’re always going to be annoying, or rude, or obnoxious or whatever in someone’s eyes for whatever reasons (and sometimes they might be right) but at the end of the day if you are kind and you care and know that you did the best you could then what more could the world ask from you?

[jichanxo]

playing LJ and idk what’s in the japanese water but Yagami is INSUFFERABLE!!!

He’s so fucking annoying his only argument is “muhhh sawa sensei” when Kuwana, Reiko or Ehara say the horrible things their kids endured like SHUT UP!!!! Reiko and Ehara’s children killed themselves bc they were bullied, I understand and support them fully for getting revenge, especially since the justice system is shitty when it comes to such cases

Did you feel the same or am I tripping?

putting this under the cut

sorry i know you sent this days ago and maybe your opinion has changed since then but i'll answer the best i can? (also i hope i don't accidentally spoil anything ahahah)

this take is not uncommon (and i felt the same at some point, though i've since changed my mind) so no, you're not tripping lmao. despite changing my mind, the fact that people say this pretty regularly probably means the writers didn't execute the idea as well as they could have. i would say that it feels clumsy and almost like a joke (cue sawa-sensei counter) to the point that it detracts from the point they're trying to make. i think some people will disagree with me on this -- rather than the writers, it's the players who aren't fully understanding what's being said to them in the text -- but regardless of whose "fault" that is, yes it's a Known Thing

(funnily enough, during my first playthrough, my sister mentioned seeing a meme about "sawa sensei" getting repeated a lot, and by the time the 2nd/3rd time hit we were like OH MY GOD THE MEME WAS REAL. which is a funny memory to me. lmao)

i think the thing that's getting lost here is that the "sawa sensei" argument is not meant to discredit how kuwana, reiko and ehara feel about the injustice. this part is not in question. yagami's stance on doing illegal shit is also not relevant to this conversation (and i'm not sure i could provide a compelling argument on this front anyway, aside from that he's very anti-murder, lol. clearly he does illegal shit himself so he's not against doing illegal shit based on principle alone. depends on circumstances probably)

sawa gets brought up because she clearly did not deserve to die. almost everyone agrees that sawa was a good person. kuwana puts her on a pedestal for confronting him about kusumoto being bullied, idealises her and muses that she would've understood him for what he's doing (killing people. and this is clearly a stretch). reiko says that sawa was the only person who visited kusumoto in hospital without an ulterior motive, which is one of the best testaments of character that she could give, really, imo. ehara probably holds a negative opinion of sawa for her false testimony about there being no evidence of bullying -- but this was clearly done under pressure of the people around her, and ehara's opinion is the exception to the rule.

so, sawa is a good person. so what? who cares? what's the point of bringing her up?

the point of what kuwana is doing is that he sees it as a way of righting the wrongs that the justice system leaves unaddressed. he needs to believe that what he is doing is right, because it gives him purpose and distracts him from his guilt.

sawa's death contradicts this. even if he and reiko didn't kill her themselves, it's proof that their extreme actions have negative consequences. they can say that the system is wrong, look what this monster did to my son, etc etc. but what they are doing also harms innocent people. the justice/revenge/whatever they pursue is at the cost of other innocent people. sawa herself represents the unforeseen cost of kuwana's self-imposed mission to kill bullies. they can justify themselves all they want, but sawa's death is a reality they can't talk around. they acknowledge she was a good person, but she died because of their actions. is this a worthwhile cost? yagami doesn't think so.

and the thing is, kuwana and reiko can be persuaded.

at least, that's kuwana's opinion about reiko

and later he says this about himself.

these screenshots are pulled from a youtube video w/ english dub so take it with a grain of salt, but you get what i'm trying to say here.

i think the repetition is the point. they agree sawa was a good person. they can be persuaded away from their current stance (that murder is an acceptable response). by repeating himself, yagami is using the argument that's most personal to them, mostly likely to convince them. repetition is not a bug, it's a feature. whether or not this was conveyed well by the writers is another argument altogether, but yagami's point itself is sound.

truthfully, i think LJ could have benefitted by leaning into what makes this case personally compelling to yagami. if you're not paying attention, the "but sawa sensei" argument can feel pretty flat, but putting emphasis on yagami's experiences would help it feel more rich and justified aside from "innocent people dying is bad" (even though that is a sound argument on its own). he does mention emi, i believe it's only once, so it's not like they don't do it at all, but i would like more. the impact of emi and of JE specifically is that yagami doesn't like to leave things unaddressed when he can do more, and that's clearly a motivating factor here. he won't leave kuwana alone for as long as there is 1. something yagami can do about it and 2. kuwana still intends to keep killing

think about the fact that yagami's parents were killed by someone seeing vigilante revenge, both a deeply personal tragedy, and a life defining event that set him on the path he walks now. leaning more into that would have helped, or at least been interesting, in my opinion. obviously it's not 100% the same since yagami's father was the lawyer and not the accused, but the key parts (vigilante justice + collateral damage) is there. of course yagami is trying to change kuwana's mind. not only does yagami understand kuwana's pain wrt the pain of inaction (yagami's regrets about emi) but he's experienced the aftermath of collateral damage, himself.

of course, yagami's personal experiences are only relevant to us, as viewers. sawa is still the best argument to convince kuwana and reiko (and i can easily imagine reiko brushing yagami off if he talked about his backstory LMAO), so that's what we get. sawa is what matters to them, so sawa is what he will keep reminding them of. that's why the sawa argument is what it is.

we can get into discussions about the inevitable failure of the legal system and what that means for "real justice", but we would never come to a consensus. instead, i think it's better to look at how kuwana and reiko are impacted on a personal level by their actions: neither of them have moved on, even after seeking their justice. they remain stuck in the past. their actions grant them no closure, and robs them of a future (reiko as a politician and mother, kuwana as a humble handyman: but as far as we know, a pretty damn good one considering how well he was able to leverage his connections to avoid being caught this whole time... at least in my opinion)

when kuwana argues, he asks how they should seek justice if legal avenues don't grant it to them. he asks, "what about the reiko kusumotos and akihiko eharas of the world?" he is right to point this out.

when yagami argues, he asks how revenge can be justified if innocents will suffer (and die) for it, even unintentionally. he asks, "what about the yoko sawas of the world?" he is also right to point this out.

there is no easy solution. they both have a point. that's what the story is ultimately about. kaito says it straight up at the end of the game:

well, that's my take. admittedly i'm not as well versed on LJ as some people are, so i could be remembering and paraphrasing some things wrong. i've seen people who really like LJ's writing, and others who straight up hate it LMAO, so yknow, your mileage may vary. hopefully this will at least help you understand the other perspective

if you want to hear another take on the sawa sensei argument, i'll put this here. i drew on it quite a bit while writing this, so yknow, credit where credit is due.

[silverraes]

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

10 BL Boys That Make Me Feel Things™

(not sexual, not romantic but a secret third thing)

okay so I wasn't exactly tagged in this but I saw several people doing this and I'll take just about any excuse to scream about my favorite characters so I'm just going to very sneakily join in on this trend 👀

there is absolutely no ranking to these bc I couldn't rank them if I wanted to

(also I changed the name a little bc my ace ass is literally physically incapable of wanting anyone carnally but I still have lots of thoughts lmao)

1) Tharn (The Sign)

I mean. is literally anyone surprised that this is where we're starting?

he's the nicest person out there. he can kick your ass if he wants to. he lost his parents at a young age and is absolutely convinced that everyone he loves is doomed to die and he keeps seeing visions of people dying and he's told again and again that those he has wronged in a past life - which he doesn't even remember - are still out to get him and yet he has so much kindness left for the world??

also he can be such a little shit and knows exactly how to tease Phaya back I love him so goddamn much.

(also that mole-)

2) Kim (Kinnporsche)

was he also on my characters I'd hit with my car list? maybe. and what about it.

I love him so much. he's such a badass but he's such a loser. famous singer who falls for a fan he was supposed to be investigating but is too emotionally constipated to admit it. badass son of a mafia family who can kick ass but only if he wants to. who does it like him honestly

(it also helps that he's played by just about the prettiest man alive)

3) Babe (Pit Babe)

did I start watching this show ironically? yes. is every mention of alphas and mpreg and that mama/papa thing hitting me like a brick and causing me 9000 psychic damage every single time? also yes. did I absolutely fall in love with the show and just about every character in it? you bet your fucking ass I did.

but I especially love Babe. he's just so babygirl. special alpha man who has to act tough and strong but just wants to be babied by his dumbass loser (affectionate) alpha boyfriend. like, he's actually so goddamn soft?? I love him.

4) Guy (Bake Me Please)

I think we all knew this was coming. I was literally gushing about him for half of the episodes. Guy my beloved. that show did not deserve you.

he spends the entire show supporting his crush's every decision and trying to make sure he's okay literally how could you not love this man

(yes he was a petty bitch for like 5 minutes there but he immediately apologized for it the next episode. properly. unlike certain other people-)

5) Sprite (Twins)

he's so himbo coded. himbo of all himbos. the himboest. not a brain cell in that head. he's my little dumbass I love him.

he deserves so much better than what he's being put through. someone please just love and support him for who he is. and also take him away from that family

(please talk to your boyfriend tho I am begging)

6) Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)

MY BELOVED. I could write essays about him. he's such a great character I love him so fucking much. if you ever had to bear witness to me talking about him.. I am so sorry.

sassy emo bitch with a flute and a tragic backstory who's seen as evil by just about everyone but only ever had the best intentions. absolute fucking dumbass. kicks ass. always smiling despite the circumstances. loves his siblings so damn much. doomed by the narrative. what more could you possibly ask for

7) Zhou Zishu (Word of Honor)

I'm trying so damn hard to keep this list to one character per show and it really took me a while to decide if I wanted to include him or Wen Kexing but ultimately it was Zhou Zishu for me

just.. god. him. assassin sect leader just trying to retire who keeps getting dragged into the biggest bullshit but doesn't really mind bc the bullshit comes with a mysterious pretty man. also that whole god damn nail thing. I have so many thoughts and feelings about that but this post would get too long if I got started on those-

(also actually pulling the "I'm literally dying" card to get out of chores is so fucking valid of him. more characters should do that)

8) Milk (Choco Milk Shake)

he is quite fucking literally a reincarnated cat, of course I love him. I could list reasons for why I love him but it would be the exact same reasons just about every cat person on earth lists for why they love cats so. but here's a quick summary, just in case:

petty. dramatic. knocks over glasses. silently loves you so fucking much.

9) Tew (My Dear Gangster Oppa)

I really did not expect to love him this much? greenest of green flags (except for the plot line we shall not talk about). can and will kill people and is fine with it (seriously it is so refreshing to see a mafia character not having a huge moral dilemma about being in the mafia). both a badass mafia man and a gamer guy who doesn't know how to talk to people and is absolutely whipped for his gamer bf.

also scars make a person just about 110x more attractive I don't make the rules. even if the scars are weird and yellow, it's the thought that counts.

10) Tian (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

I? love him??

I just love how he sets out to do something for someone he didn't even know because he feels like this person deserves that much at least and how he ends up genuinely loving and caring for those kids and the village and this inner conflict he's having the entire time but hiding oh so well and how he actually calls out his parents on their rich people bs and-

tagging everyone who reads this far and wants to do it. seriously. I mean it. if you want to do this, please go ahead and say I tagged you. I love reading everyone's thoughts.

[falsenote]

what is truly most joyful about this film is scenes like this. the constant gay teasing throughout the plot towards robert hossein's character hits at exactly where it should bc the source of the joke isn't the spectre of homosexuality itself but how much of a ridiculous terror he experiences each time. there are a few things to be said about this character, but it all comes down to his patriotic military persona he is trying to insist on desperately, being as much of a facade and hollow performance as his masculinity itself. it is such an absurd, hysterical dynamic when catherine spaak and tomas milian's characters spot this insecurity and annoy him about it just for the sake of it. bc spaak, to his knowledge, is supposed to be man but is really a woman all along (or is she), so when there is some sort of attraction building between them, she notices this and goes out of her way to create situations where he would have to address his attraction to her, believing himself to be gay since she is a boy, of course. these little scenes leave him so humiliated, and her, in control and amused at the situation, not bc how could he be so stupid he doesn't realize ~the truth (?), -since in this narrative we have to suspend our disbelief anyway and accept that catherine spaak is made to look in any way boyish in her appearance- but he is ridiculous bc he insists so much on a set way of seeing the world. bc her and milian's characters exist completely outside of this norm he is representing and they are the ones ridiculing *him* for clinging so much to it, it's like he's in the minority in the film's narrative. it is to be noted that when the final reveal happens and catherine spaak wears a dress instead of a uniform and tells him of being a woman and being in love w him as well, robert hossein keeps calling her as her 'boy name', theodore, even after their final kiss. it's not the person who has changed, from "man to woman" but only a dress was put on. there is also the fact to be noted here is that catherine spaak never once says, 'i will use this boy name as an alias bc circumstances demand it' she says, 'i am now theodore and i wish to be called that and be a man from now on'. it is completely insane.

^while on the note of clown behaviour and gay jokes, the tomas milian's subplot is practically that he also falls in love w catherine spaak (only bc she wears men's clothing which is so so funny and there really should be a fucking dissertation about clothes as a symbol in this film bc it is relatively so simple and yet says it all) and she does reveal to him that she is technically a woman which does not change his feelings (they said here's how bisexuality can still win) but when other, unaware characters question why he is in love w another man he simply does not correct them. why? because he is insane and also bc just as catherine spaak does w robert hossein, he literally just enjoys shocking ppl with the concept of homosexuality. and this is how you make a fun gay film.

[kanonavi]

hello tumblr user kanonavi who is 1/3rd of the reason i started rereading tgcf. i have come to collect my personal apology for the emotional damages inflicted upon me for the past 5 days. and i have also come with THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS (mostly feelings)

- icb i put off this reread so long hualian are so romance. theyre jsut Romance......... absolutely floored by every throwaway bit of dialogue they had....... in shambles forever....,

- sqx arc was not as painful as the first few times i read it bc i now stand with my cancelled wife (he xuan) I STILL LOVE SQX AND THEY DESERVE EVERYTHING GOOD. BUT HX WAS REAL FOR ALL OF THAT. i love revenge

- i wanna know your thoughts on ling wen bc u mentioned having mixed feelings on her but i loved her so bad all the way to the end so im curious ljdkdjf

- i am not immune to backstory arc pt2. read it last last (?) night at like 3am and cried myself to sleep its just so gutting every timeeeeeee.... the hc plot that builds in that arc is ofc one of my favorites in the entire novel though :')

- the chapter w the cave of statues took me like 2+ hours to get through because i was feeling so insane abt it

i feel bad dropping this block of text in ur askbox sorry. will leave it there for now LOL

Omg hiiiii tumblr user stardust-make-a-wish welcome back from the yaoi cocaine pit :3 I know you're here to collect emotional damages, but I must make it known that I'm not even remotely sorry <3

Also you should feel bad for yourself instead of for me because I can only respond to huge blocks of text with even bigger blocks of text, so (TGCF Spoilers Ahead) and also I am so sorry lmaooooo

UGH you're so right that hualian is the most romance forever they are just so *clenches fists and sobs*....... They're always there for each other and they're so in love and they've been through so much and I just want them to be able to rest because it's what they deserve.

I will never once say that Hu Xuan wasn't justified in everything he did cuz like. Shi Wudu had it coming what a piece of shit. But at the same time Qingxuan is my wife and I will not tolerate my wife being harmed. So like revenge slay yes but also I am still cancelling He Xuan and spraying him with the water bottle (even though he is already very very damp).

Yesyesyes Ling Wen. So my thought about Ling Wen is that she kinda girlbossed a little too close to the sun, but at the same time you look at her circumstances both past and present and have to understand why she did all of that. It already would have been hard enough for her to gain any kind of recognition as a woman, much less in the Heavenly Court, so her ruthlessness is completely understandable. But at the same time, I don't really think the Brocade Immortal deserved what she did to him nor was taking Bai Wuxiang's side in the final conflict a real cool thing of her to do. I can't fully be a hater though because her own thoughts about everything are clearly so nuanced (See: The final convo she had with Xie Lian about the Brocade Immortal, which I am still thinking so incredibly hard about to this day).

I think that Ling Wen is interesting in the same way that I find other characters like Mu Qing, He Xuan, and Yin Yu interesting. It's in the sense that even if I don't really agree with all of the actions that they took, it's very easy to look at them and come to an understanding of why they did what they did. And I have varying degrees of like for all of the characters I just listed, but that doesn't change the fact that they're all Compelling. So it's almost like a begrudging respect that I feel for Ling Wen, if I were to boil it down into simple terms.

aaaaaaaaaa The Horrors(tm) :sob: Even though I could talk about Xie Lian's arc through that part of his backstory for a million years, you're so right that Hua Cheng's arc through it is also so interesting to watch. It really goes to prove that Hua Cheng is different from everyone else in Xie Lian's life up until this point, because yes there's the very obvious throughline of Hua Cheng wanting to protect Xie Lian (rather than expecting his protection), but even more importantly that feeling never changes even when Xie Lian has his mini corruption arc.

Like, Hua Cheng fell in love with the pure and virtuous Crown Prince of Xianle but not for that quality. Instead of being ashamed and looking at Xie Lian with scorn when he was like "What if I kill everyone actually" Hua Cheng is like "Then let me be your sword". There's the element of not wanting Xie Lian to dirty himself that Hua Cheng carries for the entire story but the point is in that he is not a voice who would tell Xie Lian to stop having those thoughts if it's truly what he wants (Unlike what his parents or Feng Xin and Mu Qing would probably say).

I'm going to write an essay about their character dynamic one day istg I am chewing through the drywall

The cave statues chapter......... *passes away*. Like on one hand that chapter is so funny because yes Hua Cheng is just an absolute certified freak (POV my roommate telling me earlier on in my reading that HC is a porn addict and me being like "pssht noooo" but then getting to this chapter several months later and being like "O h.") but on the other hand THE CONFESSION??????? Like. All I can do is gesture wildly at the storyboard animatic that someone made of that scene on YouTube while absolutely fucking sobbing. There is a reason why the cover of volume 6 felt somehow more intimate than the cover of volume 4 where they're literally making out.

Anyway I'm patting Hua Cheng on the head like It's okay buddy Xie Lian loves you because you're a certified freak, he's seen too much of this world to be weirded out even a little bit. Which is why those two are perfect for each other <3

I'm glad you had so much fun on your reread, have fun with the brainworms :3

[yourmoonie]

hi, moonie! i have been a follower since early 2023 on twitter and you really helped me achieve a state of not giving a damn about the 3d!!

but i have a question, if i'm using loass to get my sp back and like i know the 4d is the only reality and in the 4d sp is mine, but the 3d hasn't conformed yet and so i don't care. so in the 3d, i start hooking up and hanging out with other guys would that become cheating if i believe and embody the state of him as someone who dates him? i'm so confused right now because the 4d always reflects the 3d and so is it okay if i still hangout and hook up with others when he hasn't conformed in the 3d?

Hey dear

Thank you for your love and support and I am very happy to know that my content has been helpful for you

Let me link an sp success story for you (I manifested my bff's ex back into her life bcs she wanted me to). Mind you, she had a partner around that time and her ex was dating another girl while they were in no contact. But we didnt care about the circumstances of course (p.s. they also got back together and started dating for a while) - link

So what I am trying to say is that you can date other people and 'manifest' your person (the reason I say ' manifest ' is because you at the end of the day you are manifesting yourself not anyone

You change your assumptions = the world changes accordingly

You change your views on your person = your person changes their behavior towards you

How do you think some people get whoever they want? Even married people? It's simple -> because of their assumptions and self-concept, and they don't even know about manifestation, but they are able to manifest perfectly whatever they want.

[turtledovenycx]

Idk why I’m saying this here but one time I cried bc of how beautiful Chan was, it was a very humbling and universal moment for me. That’s it, thank you.

Hi anonnie 🤍

I'm happy you said it here. I'm sure many of us on Stayblr can relate to this emotion. I've had celebrity crushes the infatuation stays for a week or two, and then it fades.

But Bahng Chan... How I feel for him is a different emotion in itself. I know reality, I know he will never be mine but it still doesn't change the way I feel. I would choose him again and again in every universe in every circumstance.

Anonnie, I understand how you feel the most... I'm an emotional person and I react deeply. I've cried so many times too. I cried when I saw his face the first time he won the award. I've cried when I saw how hard Chan worked to become who he is today, I've cried during Chan's room and cried so much when it had to be shut down, and I've cried when I think about how beautiful he is inside and out. I've cried because I am so proud and happy to be able to live, breathe, and admire him. I am overwhelmed with what I feel for him but at the same time, it calms me.

How can he be this beautiful? Like how? He is so handsome. Even if he believes differently. If I could, I would cherish him every day, and give him so much affection till he believes it himself. Channie is so handsome. He is the dream of many out there, he is mine I know that. His eyes- they crinkle when he smiles, his big nose that I've grown fond of- his nose is one of his insecurity but to me, it is the cutest thing I've seen, his plush lips, his cheeks, his smile lines, his dimples, his hair, body, arms, fingers, legs, everything!! god, I love this man so much. I love his smile and laugh... I'd die

However, Channie is more than handsome. His beauty is not limited to his physical features. I could say a million things about his features and millions more about his character and personality. Trust. The trust the team has in him, the trust the boys have in their hyung, he is their boulder you can't tell me otherwise. I picture him being there for the most mundane things without complaint. The way he cared for each one of them in the way they needed. He calms Jisung when he is anxious, and defends Changbin. Channie makes Seungmin believe that his voice is of an angel and that Minnie's smile is the best, he literally raised Jeongin. Chan is Minho's only hyung, He is Felix's best friend and Hyunjin's comfort. Us stays don't have to worry about whether the boys are taken care of. I know they are well taken care of and loved by their leader.

His soul. I have cried so much thinking about his soul. Chan has the kindest most beautiful soul I just know it. He has endured and he is wise. He is humble reminding us that to be perceived and respected you have to be down to earth. I've seen men at their best and their worst. I've experienced the worst most of my life but Chan made me believe that there were good and bad people, I was just stuck among the bad ones. He made me feel appreciated even though he was speaking generally, he made me feel valid, and he made me feel seen.

Some people can't understand that and I don't blame you, But if you have been through what I have been through, if you were in the darkness like me I think you would understand why I fell in love with a man who doesn't know me. I cry when he is sad, I cry when I'm proud of him and I cry because I love him. I hope he will learn to love himself soon.....

So love, I want you to know that when you feel the most humbling and universal moment, many are there with you. I am there with you. He truly is one of the best humans out there. I love him and I will continue to do so. He saved me, he saved a lot of us.

I kind of got carried away but I'm not really sorry. I love him, words are not enough, sentences are not enough, and pages won't be able to cover it.

_nyx.☽༊˚

[reggieblk]

what's If We Were Lovers? I was scrolling on the Tomarry tag and I'm so curious now! I love longfics. What's the concept?

hi! thank you for asking!!

if we were lovers is the second long fic I've ever written, and I'll try and explain the concept to you though please keep in mind that I am so bad at explaining the premise of this fic and I rarely do the actual fic justice when I explain it lol

but! basically it's a no magic AU that takes place in the 90's (so same era tomarry) with some timeline mashups when it comes to secondary characters. the premise is that Harry gets into a very prestigious and selective school for the arts (he attends for theatre) and his arrival sparks a bit of controversy because students are only accepted at 12yo or never at all, and he is 18, so joining the last year theatre students. his arrival is not taken well by Tom, whose class he is in, because students get cut every year, and by arriving in their last year Harry has subverted that threat that the others faced every year. there are five other boys with Harry and Tom in seventh year that i love a lot. I'll put the list of tags I have up until now at the end of this post to give you an idea of what's gonna feature in this fic!

concerning the actual writing of the fic, initially it was heavily inspired by the book If we were vilains by M.L Rio, if you've read that. though the inspiration kind of dies out after the first Act of this fic, so it doesn't resemble the book plotwise at all, merely in vibe. as such, I decided the write this fic in 5 Acts, each comprised of 12 scenes (the fic will be posted in Acts so each update will be very long, and there will be a total of 6 "chapters"; Acts 1-5 + an interlude for a rough total of 260k words).

Additionally over the months I made this post, this one, and more recently this one about this fic if they can give you a vague idea of what's gonna be going on.

And, here's the list of tags I have so far :

And here is the summary (which may change bc i literally just wrote it now for this post) :

When Harry arrives at the most prestigious theatrical school in the country under very suspicious circumstances he doesn't have many expectations. The most unexpected thing he encounters, however, is one Tom Riddle. Amidst peers of great talent, his worry for his Godfather, unconventional professors, and a vague sense of unworthiness, Harry falls in love with the only other person who deals with feelings as well as him. But maybe, just maybe, he and Tom will find out that not all love stories have to end in tragedy.

Okay!! sorry for going on so long, like I said I'm really quite bad at explaining the premise of this fic lol. I promise the fic is actually good, and with so much divergence from the canon works, there's quite a bit of world building and stuff.

thank you again for asking!! i hope my answer piqued your interest, and feel free to ask anymore questions I will be more than happy to answer! I'll come up with a posting schedule some time this week and post it but the whole fic will be going up in December!

[thornsent]

The internet kind of just sucks when you're autistic and traumatized...

I take these sorts of things kind of weirdly hard. I don't consider mutuals My Bestest Closest Friends or anything but I do often consider em' friends, especially if I recall sharing words with you. and if I can disagree with someone and still have a conversation it makes me quite happy and feel very safe, I feel like I'm learning something useful even if my mind isn't changed. I'd gotten used to being able to safely disagree on people's posts I suppose?

I really try more n more when I disagree with people to be charitable and meet them where they're at because from their point they probably have good reason to feel those things. I think often too when I disagree, I want to share my opinion because sometimes it seems like the person who disagrees is hurting themselves and I don't think they ought to-

if you think there's not a lot of trans people but you're trans, for instance, that makes me sad and I disagree, bc scientifically and logically we're really common and you are not that alone, and as things get better there'll be more and more of us feeling safe to come out and exist.

it seems like a lonely and isolating opinion to have and I'm trying to reach a hand out and say hey, I recognize that but it's not the case! so when I get snapped at for, what from my perspective is trying to reach out to someone and either make them feel better about life or understand their circumstances better, it really stings.

it uh, is triggering, I think. It reminds me of a very frightening person I once dated who would get genuinely irate with me because I tried to comfort him when he was depressed, and then would try and drag me down with him.

I'm mentally and physically disabled, like literally I have a support team n' people who come help me do my chores and take care of myself, and I'm queer in a small red town. I'm an hour away from all my friends minimum and I don't have family aside from my partner. this is, to say, that I'm really lonely and feel quite isolated, even as I try to exist within my community and meet folks in real life. it's not easy.

so a lot, a lot of my interaction since I've moved here has been online. my blog has largely been running on queue and I only check a few times a day typically, but I do really really like interacting with my mutuals. not everyone gets a lot of in-person social interaction, you know? not everyone is so lucky :(

and so when these sorts of things happen, and are this bad and this (mutually) triggering, it just.... really takes the wind out of me and makes me want to cry! it is a rehash of traumas that have occurred repeatedly throughout my life that are at their root because I am traumatized and autistic and I make social mistakes subsequently

and to be further vulnerable adding atop that having ocd (which has been flaring up for me really bad lately, I think due to the seasonal change making all my symptoms Worse--) and also recently having a falling out with my closest friend bc they did some really cruel stuff irl I think made this just Really Get To Me in a way it wouldn't otherwise have.

I am starting ketamine infusion therapy soon enough, so I'm really hoping it'll help with that. Or I'll k-hole. We'll see. I've been burnt out and had little energy lately which means I spend more time on the internet, hopefully infusion therapy will help and I can at least get back to art, if nothing else. Social media has been making me really sad with humanity lately.

[baltears]

starting to realize that one reason not everyone reads you the same way and some people think it's a dramatically dumber show than it is is bc not everyone is aware of how precise the writers were in creating joe's pathology and the amount of verisimilitude in the writing around his extreme trauma and the resultant extreme behaviors.

joe acts the way that he does because part of him (the inner child) sincerely, very deeply craves love and connection, but bc he grew up in an extremely high stakes survival situation – & never really experienced a life away from his multiple sources of simultaneous extreme threat* and longed-for crumbs of affection & validation & emotional comfort before reaching adulthood – he quite literally cannot help recreating that same completely insane level of high stakes in his own life because that is still how his nervous system is wired. he is too internally fragile to feel like he can withstand true inner scrutiny, the type required for deep recovery from trauma. this part is also hard to explain to people who dont have this type of trauma, there's this very pervasive terror that certain things will just somehow annihilate you and swallow you up, such as looking too closely at your feelings, or someone else seeing who you are deep down and rejecting you.

so when joe fixates on someone he has fantasized will save him,** he feels the need to stalk and gather information in order to craft this perfect, completely fabricated self that he knows will not be rejected the way he thinks his real self automatically would be, bc deep level rejection also = annihilation. and because his mom (and i'm not trying to be harsh here, she is also a victim and a survivor, just being real) failed in her handling of the situation with his dad and further failed in her handling of joe killing him, child joe forms this impression in his brain and nervous system that "situations that i am involved in can unpredictably escalate to extreme violence", and "extreme threat to my feelings/emotional self also goes along with extreme threat to my physical body and life". this impression never changes. he never unlearned this. so what he ends up doing is unconsciously creating circumstances where this will happen because it is familiar &he never really learned how to function in situations where the threat level is "normal". when he gets rejected or the threat of abandonment comes up or anything else goes wrong, he immediately internally escalates to maximum threat response and is prepared to resort to extreme violence in order to 'protect' himself and/or a woman or a child. i just feel it's worth noting that the vast majority of human interactions do not and would not escalate unpredictably to extreme violence, and the reason it keeps happening around joe is because he (again, unconsciously- this is a nervous system level response) either creates it himself or seeks out environments where this level of dysfunction is the norm. btw the patriarchal obsession with protecting women comes from a combination of misogyny + a deep mostly unconscious need to justify killing his dad to protect his mom because his entire self worth hinges on whether that would make him a bad person who deserves to die.***

he manipulates others as a survival tactic by mirroring them and saying what he can usually tell they want to hear, but actually does it so constantly and compulsively that it becomes maladaptive and frequently hurts the social impression he gives (how many times did other characters call him out for being a weird phony?). he compulsively narrativizes himself and his life in bizarre, binaristic, fictional trope-based ways because he coped so hard with books when he was locked in a cage as a kid & had to tell himself stories about what was going on around him and what it meant in order to feel like his existence could withstand his circumstances. i could go on. my point is that i think joe is in a lot of ways actually a very accurate intelligently written and sensitive portrayal of a cptsd victim. like frankly i personally just don't want to have the conversation anymore about whether we're allowed to relate to joe because he does the memey relatable narrator thing and is a white man, those things are not why i find him relatable. yes the "commentary on protagonist status being automatically applied to white men", "commentary on patriarchal norms and how women are de-voiced / objectified and treated as disposable", the genre deconstruction stuff, the topical stuff, the memey stuff, are all vital parts of the show as well and deliver some extremely cogent points and an entertaining viewing experience but what im getting at is this cake has layers. love is also an amazingly written character for very similar reasons and i love all the pov stuff with her in season 3. ok signing off now

*in the case of neglect and abandonment from his mom, which has life or death level stakes for a child, and physical abuse and extreme psychological terrorism from mooney

**i want to briefly draw attention here to the fact that healing fantasies are a vital survival tactic for kids in traumatizing situations, although they can become maladaptive into adulthood – there is a misogynistic flavor to joe's because he is a misogynist deep down, but my point is that the healing fantasy is used to avoid total despair/annihilation in the midst of the extreme pain of trauma. most of the other traumatized characters in the show also display signs of coping with a healing fantasy, and the reason joe is so good at manipulating fellow traumatized people is because he recognizes on an unconscious level how to create the image of a healing fantasy that they will be vulnerable to.

***so, again, life or death level emotional need to uphold this belief system, as we saw in s4 when he hit a point of no longer being able to justify any of his behaviors and very rapidly reached a decision to attempt suicide.