#bc i’m working my way through this podcast like it’s my job and i don’t want it over

[meremothh]

i’ve only known the silt verses for 4 days but if anything happens to it im gonna kill everyone in the room and then myself

[lincolnmkicks]

i don’t want to claim i have a wholly unique experience wrt dndads bc i decided to listen to this podcast bc i loved anthony’s previous writing in borderlands 2 BUT borderlands 2 is one of my fav games of all time and i want to shed some light on smth i very rarely seen talked about: the biggest narrative comparison between dndads and bl2 through willy stampler and handsome jack.

SO right off the bat im gonna mention anthony is fairly explicit about both willy and jack being attractive. it’s literally in jack’s name, his title after becoming ceo of hyperion, and he also managed to date—even if only for a little while—the in-universe most attractive woman in that corner of space (moxxi). anthony also makes it a point to talk about how frustratingly hot willy is all throughout the podcast, both seasons 1 and 2.

the intent is pretty clear. abusers aren’t all “conventionally unattractive,” and sometimes people have pretty privilege, and anthony by way of making both willy and jack attractive is forcing us to confront internal biases about who and what kind of people are abusive.

also the password being “i love you” for the box that supposedly held ron’s anchor that could only be activated by willy’s voice saying it? stolen directly from borderlands 2 (granted anthony wrote that so it’s not stealing but you know)

next up, they are not the exact same character-wise. willy pretty much hates his son from the get-go, there is never a time we see him hold genuine love for ron without a catch of some sort, and even the “genuine love” we see from willy is quite literally just tolerating his presence long enough that he can position him perfectly to murder him. jack, meanwhile, would probably kill anybody who tries to hurt his daughter. in fact, he damn well tries because we kill his daughter.

i’m gonna need to get a little in depth about angel real quick, so bear with me. angel is this mysterious voice in your head in both bl1 and 2, a guardian angel so to speak, and she helps you throughout both games. in bl2 it’s revealed that she works with jack, and for a time we believe she’s simply an ai he created to help him find/charge the vault key to awaken the warrior (long story, but the goal of a borderlands game is usually to open an ancient alien vault which has tons of loot but also contains vault monsters, the warrior being one jack wants to use to in essence colonize pandora).

angel is forced to betray us about a third of the way through bl2, but she reveals she feels extremely guilty about it and wants to help set things right by giving us the vault key. she tasks us with making our way through a bunch of security measures intended to kill anybody who tries to get near her, only to reveal, yeah she’s not an artificial intelligence, she’s actually jack’s daughter, hooked up to a vast intelligence network as a child to be jack’s eyes and ears across the planet as well as being constantly pumped full of an alien substance called eridium to help her charge the vault key. the reason she wanted to help us get to her was because she wanted us to literally put her out of her misery.

control core angel (the level where you fight off waves of robots sent to stop you from assisting angel in killing herself) is… sad. it’s just sad. dameon clarke does a killer job playing a sociopath like jack when he’s laughing about scooping people’s eyes out with spoons or telling you he’ll pay you to kill yourself, so it’s not much of a surprise that he’s also good at playing a man begging you not to hurt his baby girl. yeah, the whole time you’re fighting off the enemies in control core angel he is screaming at you, insulting you and threatening you, sure, but as you whittle down angel’s health, destroying the injectors literally keeping her alive, he begs you to forget all of this, and not hurt an innocent girl.

eventually the fighting stops, you succeed in allowing angel to die, she thanks you, jack begs her to stay with him because they can still fix this… and her last words are calling him an asshole.

bl2 has been out 10 years and people to this day debate jack’s love for angel. was it ever real? was he being genuine in control core? was he playing a part? trying to evoke your sympathy? did he truly think he was doing what was best for her? had he fallen so far? were all those security measures because he wanted to keep his daughter safe or the macguffin of the game? he’s still an incredibly interesting character to discuss and examine, his relationship with angel being one of my favorite bits of one of my favorite games.

willy would never. willy is forthcoming about needing daddy magic, knows his power comes from being a father, comes from the impact he had on ron’s life. meanwhile willy couldn’t give less of a shit about ron. he was a mistake, he is nothing, and willy was content with killing 13 year old ron to get some semblance of peace. willy is uncomplicated in his sliminess. maybe more complicated with his relationship with scary, but still nowhere near as divisive and mysterious in his motivations as jack.

jack is decidedly funnier than willy, mostly because borderlands 2 is a funny game, but after angel dies there’s an anger boiling just beneath the surface. dameon clarke grits out threats through clenched teeth, he relishes in torturing one of our allies, he rescinds a bounty on our heads bc he wants to kill us himself. nothing else we’ve done to hurt jack’s plans has made him react like this. but nothing else we’ve done has hurt jack’s plans this much. is that quiet, threatening anger, that vibe you get when your parents are angry but can’t express it until you get home, is that jack’s grief for his daughter, or anger that you tried to really mess up his plans?

jack is unknowable, because we aren’t his kid. angel tells us “he tries to guilt you and make you feel like it was your fault, don’t listen to him!” and the implication is clear. angel’s been strapped to a hyperion information network since she was like 7 years old, forced into a chair looking out over pandora for jack’s benefit, jack’s gain. but he still calls her “my angel”, he seems genuinely sad when he has to re-remember she’s dead in tales from the borderlands, he’s a father who lost his way seemingly.

angel was poisoned slowly, decaying over the years bc of her father. ron wasn’t worth the effort.

willy we know. ron is angel in this scenario. and maybe jack believed he held love for angel, but angel sure as hell didn’t like it. angel was poisoned slowly, decaying all her life by her father. ron wasn’t even worth the effort.

idk if any of this like. makes sense or if it’s just luci rambling about borderlands but the difference in anthony’s writing for two shitty dads with some similarities is crazy frankly.

[found--family]

i finally finished Bridgewater season 2!

(i know i'm way behind but i was listening on my drive to and from work but then i lost my job and suddenly listening at home felt weird but i binged the last handful of eps this long weekend so now i wanna share some thoughts..) 

best finale bits: 

- realising francine was spn alumn/battlestar galactica's tricia helfer (wish I'd realised this sooner bc i think i would've enjoyed her character more) 

- jeremy becoming an unexpected father to a time travelling kid he spent the whole season vocally not giving a shit about (serious s13!grieving!dean vibes here) 

- the setup for season 3! would love to get some pov from folks in the fae realm! 

best s2 bits: 

- aside from misha, soni has been my fave thing about this series (his voice acting is So Good) and this season we got more vippin and more of him interacting with other characters! 

- learning more about jeremy: he visited fairyland as a kid! he was a teen wiccan! he just wants a friend! he's happy without a partner and kids! (the phonecall to his british colleague was a fave scene) 

- peyton! wish we'd gotten more of her, hope she returns next season. 

- more hillary! she's not in it much but we got a few long scenes with her and it was great to hear her flex her voice acting chops. 

- tudyk! i was sceptical at first (i'd really been looking forward to fillion) but he was stellar. his distinct voice is perfect for voice acting and his vocal control and timing was really superb. his and misha's scenes were a highlight but there were also a few delightful and emotional scenes with other characters (including a makeover!) 

- MONSTERS. one of the huge draws of this podcast for me was the supernatural element. this season had a bunch of different creatures appear and there were mentions of way more that had me googling and learning so much (yay fic fodder!) 

a few s2 cons (imho): 

- this season is a lot compared to season 1. more characters, more plot, more at stake. it was hard to keep up with what was going on specifically with all the fae stuff. i had to relisten to numerous scenes multiple times to grasp what was happening.

- it kinda feels like season 1 was written not knowing how everything would play out bc all the fae stuff feels shoehorned into the relevant parts of the s1 narrative. they make it work but some explanations seemed like a bit of a stretch. 

- as much as i love her on-screen, i didn't really enjoy helfer in this. i don't know whether it's because i found her character annoying from the jump or if it was her vocal style being a little too overdramatic and on the nose (that could've been a director's decision in which case it makes sense, but i really didn't enjoy her personality as the legend tripper or her almost comical portrayal as fae) 

- the finale was a lot of exposition, and it got very convoluted with different characters wanting to sacrifice themselves over each other, and the whole fae deal thing was still unclear and confusing despite being explained. tbh i was bored for most of it. 

- the first 19 minutes of the finale was an uninterrupted convo between jeremy and francine. that's too long, it's half the damn episode. and francine was doing most of the talking (almost monologuing) and since she's the badguy of the season it felt like a poor choice (or maybe that's just my bias for not liking her portrayal?) 

- anne and thomas going through the portal made total sense and I'm glad that's what happened bc thomas was sick and anne had missed her life BUT that made all the arguments over who should go that much more pointless. the arguments felt like filler, going round in circles with people ignoring each other's sound reasoning. 

- there were quite a few noticeable editing mistakes this season: chopped dialogue poorly stitched together, misspoken words, and dead air that did nothing to set the tone but instead felt like they hadn't bothered fixing. 

closing thoughts: 

i preferred the mystery of season 1. this season was a lot of focus on the how's and why's of all the monster and fae stuff with character studies crammed between, whereas season 1 was more concise in the investigation and character focus and there was always room to wonder what was going on (i preferred that) but there was also room for the narrative to breathe; season 2 is crowded. it's a lot of fast dialogue and info dumping, a lot of characters - some interesting, some annoying, a few pointless. I'd listen again for clarity and enjoyment of particular scenes and dynamics, but more often than not i found myself confused, left with more questions than answers, and therefore not being able to enjoy the journey. there were definite high points, including the many monster cameos, but it lost that eery feel that season 1 did so well; this season felt like multiple genres rolled into one with all of them fighting for dominance - horror, fantasy, drama, mystery - whereas season 1 melded themes and genres effortlessly. season 2 also didn't have the emotional chords that season 1 played so beautifully (I'm looking at you, emotional jeremy realising his whole life was a lie) the finale should've been a tear-jerker, it wasn't. 

it's always hard to follow the success of a first season, especially when the second decides to explain all the mysteries season 1 set up - and given how season 1 ended there was a lot that needed explaining. unfortunately (for me) the story felt caught up in the details and yet it explained things without explaining things leaving me wanting for clarity that never came. often it didn't bother setting the tone (or an intriguing tone) and more characters meant less misha which is always disheartening. 

i'm looking forward to season 3 with papa!jeremy(?) and fae realm content (I'd love more fae) i just hope they can recapture the thematic feel of season 1 (it can be a different vibe but it has to permeate the narrative) and refocus on our main folk (jeremy, vippin, anne, thomas, olivia) instead of introducing too many new characters and elements that will steal more scene time. 

[nat-seal-well]

Hi Chrys! Just curious - have you watched the Amazon WoT show? And if so, what did you think?

I'm on the fence about actually giving it a shot, but I only made it to book 7 or 8 before I just didn't have the time anymore. Thought maybe the show would do it justice??

Yes, I have!! And honestly I really, really like it, which I know isn’t a very popular opinion a lot of people have.

(Bc of potential spoilers for those who haven’t made it as far in the books—if anyone else who follows me is even reading them, lol—I’m putting the rest of my thoughts under the cut. Also bc I will probably have a lot to say.)

So, first off: I am all about soundtracks. Soundtracks are an element to storytelling you don’t really get in any other form of media other than, like, film and television. The stuff you watch. I’m obsessed with the one in WOT. It’s beautiful and a lot of the songs use the Old Tongue, which I think is so, so cool. (Caisen’shar is my favorite.)

One of my favorite scenes is in the second episode. I don’t want to spoil anything, so I won’t go into too much detail. That scene alone, though, is just… it’s gorgeous. It was one of my favorite parts of Eye of the World, and it is my favorite part of the show so far. I look it up on YouTube to watch it a lot because I love it so much :)

I absolutely do not blame you for not reading more of the books, haha. The series is long and to have made it through 7 or 8 is a lot of reading, and I’m really impressed! The length of the book series is another thing you have to consider, though. There a lot of story printed on those pages. It’s too much to feasibly adapt, even with a television series. There’s just so much.

Season one covers Eye of the World, but I think the plan is for them to do some condensing because of how long the book series is. Which honestly, I’m not very upset about. It gives you a chance to explore some elements of the story you already know, and to maybe experience other parts of it in an entirely new light. It’s what I’m most excited about with season two, whenever it’s released. I love the different ways the same story can be told.

Also, I’m a huge Brandon Sanderson fan, who is the author that Robert Jordan’s wife (and editor) asked to help with finishing the series after he passed. Sanderson is also involved with the production of the Amazon series, and has talked about it on his podcast. He signed a deal that allows him to share his thoughts relatively freely, and he talks about how book-to-screen adaptations are on a sort of… spectrum. Some you can translate pretty easily to script and cameras, because they work that way. Some you just can’t, but you can reshape it in a way that is still faithful to the soul of the story.

That’s mostly where the WOT show falls. People who go into it expecting a perfect, scene-for-scene adaptation of the books are going to be disappointed, because it isn’t that. That doesn’t mean it’s bad, mind. It just isn’t a direct translation. But I’ve read all 14 books of the main series and the prequel (New Spring) and I think the Amazon series does a good job of knowing the limits it has on how much it can and can’t do, while still remaining faithful to the feel and soul of the story that makes Wheel of Time what it is.

That’s more where the WOT show falls. People who go into it expecting a perfect, scene-for-scene adaptation are going to be disappointed, because it isn’t that. That doesn’t immediately mean it’s bad, mind. It just isn’t a direct translation. I’ve read all 14 books and the prequel (New Spring) and I feel like the show still does a good job of capturing the feel and soul of what makes Wheel of Time what it is.

(Also, you can’t ask for a more perfect actress to play Moiraine. I am probably bias, but I think Rosamund Pike is another reason to give the show a try, if nothing else, haha 💙)

[knee-stockings]

more things I’ve been doing to keep my energy up during my office job (don’t worry I get plenty of work done everyday and I haven’t had a complaint yet):

-watching marathons of Hoarders with the mini pop-out screen on YouTube (hoo lord some of these houses…still not over one where a cleaner fell right through the floor…)

-switching playlists/songs on Spotify. Constantly. I’m 90% sure Spotify has no idea what I like anymore (current range is from ATEEZ/Stray Kids noise music, to Dreamgirls and Six musical scores, to Annella and Wolfgang Lohr electroswing, to Ailee/Dreamcatcher kpop favs)

-playing solo journaling rpgs (I like these bc it kinda looks like I’m working on something when I’m typing. Also online dice rollers and card randomizers are great)

-also watching Court Cam, Paternity Court, Kitchen Nightmares on YouTube (sovereign citizens are my favs. This one is kinda trash tv but…entertaining…and I’m finally watching UK Kitchen Nightmares, so relaxing)

-reading SCP articles and stories (there are lots of great ones, horror and comedy and both)

-and ofc listening to podcasts (rn I’m working my way through SCP Experience)

Does anyone have more suggestions of things to do while working an office job…

[wrylywriting]

what future careers do you imagine the euphoria characters have?

Oh gosh, this is really tough I feel like I given them a million jobs in my fics.

Rue- being sober lmao. I wish at least. I like the idea of her working with kids struggling with addiction and turning her own life as a way to help others I think. I can see her having a podcast where she talks to former addicts and it blowing up (among doing other things)

Lexi- I think she’ll still be a writer but it’s hard to say doing exactly what! I know she’s a SL self insert in a lot of ways so there’s many options for her. I can see Lexi going through many creative jobs that involve writing in one way or another, not just plays but maybe writing for tv, movies, journalism (hey jordy), book, etc. (esp since making a career off JUST being a playwright is basically impossible these days). She seems like the kind of girl who won’t have the same job forever, but they’ll all be in a similar field.

Fez- my man is a househusband at his core. The only kind of job I can see him having is starting his own business where he does things with his hands that ISNT selling drugs bc that’s all this man knows! I can see him running a dispensary but also I selfishly don’t like that only bc every dispensary I’ve ever been to has had rancid awful vibes, but it would make sense. Also I’m still delusional and think Fez would be a good florist/gardener but what do I know.

Cassie- her career should be going to therapy.

Maddy- she said she doesn’t want to work and I don’t want that for her either. Hope that works out for her. She’d probably be a Instagram influencer unfortunately.

Kat- I firmly believe that Kat is destined to be an erotic writer and it’s the filthiest stuff you’ve ever seen.

Jules- now this is where I wish we knew ANYTHING about Jules and her hopes and dreams, I feel like we don’t really know!!! She seems to be into makeup and fashion so I can definitely see that happening for her. She’s very much a GirlBoss so whatever she wants to do she’s gonna rise to the top quickly.

Nate- dead

Elliot- dead

Ethan- a working actor in the truest sense of the word. He’s the dead body on CSI, a bit part in some sitcom, on every AT&T commercial doing something so so so stupid like juggling phones. And while doing all this he does his more serious stuff in local theatre in LA or NY or Chicago. He probably gets his big break by being a reoccurring character on the next Parks and Rec. I want this for him.

Cal- dead (penis out in casket)

Virgil- winner of RuPaul’s drag race season 22

I can’t think of any more characters (that are alive…..)

[i-growl-growl-growl]

reaction box seems open so i’d like to request yandere nct (all member or just older members its up to you) reaction to their SO is depressed and refusing to talk, eat and even drink bc of their actions thankss

————————————————————————–--------

This is a very old reaction request that came in, not a new one. Reactions are still closed!

I did the older members. Hope you enjoy!

~Ahreum Rhea

————————————————————————–---------

Taeil: Taeil will freak out internally and he’d be extremely worried and regretful. He knows that this is his fault, so he’d loosen up a bit and he would allow you to go outside, he’d open windows, stop locking you in the basement, etc. He’d start small, making sure you ate and drank water, talked to him, and just do what he could. If that didn’t work, then he’d get you professional help.

“Jagiya? Y/n? Talk to me! I-..at least take a drink of water. If you do, I’ll let you go outside- we can go for a walk.  I’ll take some snacks with us and we can sit at the park, so long as you behave, alright? I’ll bathe you and wash your hair first. I’ll help you be yourself again, you won’t leave me, y/n.”

Taeyong: He would never let anyone around you, not even if you’re going to die. He’ll come up with sick ways to get you to talk or make some sort of noise. Maybe he’ll twist an arm, or an ankle or, better yet, maybe he’ll bring out chains and Don’t want to eat? He’ll feed you through a tube then. Won’t drink? He’ll squeeze your mouth open and force water in then shut it and pinch your nose closed until you drink.

“You’re stupid if you think I’ll let this continue. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you alive- do I need to kill one of your family members? You know I’ll do it y/n. Still don’t want to talk, huh? Twists your arm behind your back and yanks your hair back toward him, making you scream Ah, that’s better. It’s not words, but it’ll suffice for now. I know many ways to hurt you kitten and you know I don’t hesitate. Now drink roughly sits you down and forces water down your feeding tube.”

Yuta: He’d throw a fit and he’d punish you so bad for doing this to yourself. Truth be told, he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about what he does, you should learn to deal with it. He wouldn’t stop his punishments either, but he’d do his damn best to prevent you from dying or getting sick. He’d force food and water into your mouth and would prevent you from breathing until you swallow it all. Spit any food or water out and he’d smack you. Refuse to talk? He’ll do what Taeyong would do, cause you great pain.

“I don’t care if you’re depressed, you’re going to eat and you’re going to drink this water or so help me you’ll wise you were dead, y/n. I don’t care that your arm hurts, you deserve it for ignoring me. Keep being defiant and I might just break it! Now eat he forces a few spoonful’s into your mouth then shuts it and pinches your nose, preventing you from breathing. You can breathe once you swallow it all, you should be used to that by now, bitch, or have you also lost your memory?”

Johnny: It would never get this far with Johnny. He’s too smart and too overprotective of his s/o to let her mental and physical state slip this far. The most that would happen is depression. He’ll definitely soften up enough to prevent you from completely losing your mind, but make no mistake, he’ll put you right back in your place if you think this means you get to do whatever you want. Don’t forget who the alpha is.

“Pick a movie, we’re going to go see it. I’m taking you out to dinner at your favorite restaurant as well, afterwards. Yes, seriously. You need to get out, I hate seeing you like this. Don’t think for a second, though, that I won’t bring you right back home and punish you if you act up. I don’t like seeing you so depressed, but I’ll enjoy hearing you scream for me- I already miss it, so don’t tempt me y/n. Give me a kiss then go get ready.”

Doyoung: He’ll have some regrets and he’ll rethink everything as he figures out and learns how to take care of you from home. He’d even take a few days off of work to care for you in the best way he could and be more focused on nursing you back to ‘health’ than punishments. He wouldn’t trust you to be by yourself in the room, so he’d force you to be with him at all times and he’d feed you through a tube. He wouldn’t go as far as Yuta or Taeyoung as far as getting you to talk but he’d slam you against the wall, slap you, grab you too hard, etc. to get a reaction out of you.

“I’m not going into work today, you’ll have to deal with me and I won’t go easy on you. He ties you down while he forces a feeding tube down your throat Since you refuse to eat and drink on your own I’ll force the food and water into you myself. Once you bounce back from this and snap out of it, I’ll remove it, understand?…Grips your forearm and squeezes it hard enough to leave a bruise I’m talking to you y/n. That’s another thing that I’ll have to squash.

Ten: He’d be slightly regretful. He loves knowing that you’ll have to rely on him now for everything, but he does have a job and a life outside. Meaning that he can’t always be with you 24/7. Therefore, he’ll force feed you and force you to drink water before he goes to work. During his lunch break, he’ll come home and, again, force feed you, let you use the bathroom, clean you up, etc. This process would happen after work as well, but he’d also spend time pampering you and talking to you, getting you to slowly come back to him.

“I’ll admit that I love having you rely on me for every little thing now, but I do have other things that I’ve got to do, so I can’t watch you 24/7. Come back to me, love, and I’ll begin lightning your punishments. Maybe I’ll take you outside this weekend and, if you’re good, I might take you on vacation. Make one wrong move and I’ll break you all over again and maybe a bone or two, am I clear?”

Kun: He’d be very conflicted, should he get you some help or should he learn how to take care of you himself? He’d opt for learning how to take care of you himself. He’d do his research and he’d find that he actually likes this line of work, so he’d listen to podcasts, YouTube videos, reading articles, books, etc. Once he’d gotten you back to a healthier state, he’ll begin to heavily manipulate you to believe that he’s the only one you can trust and the only one you have.

“Good morning, sweetie. Don’t worry, you’re safe and everything’s fine. I brought you breakfast, and I’ll put on a movie for you. Just relax and I’ll help you, ok? If you’re a good girl I’ll let you out into the garden and pick some flowers, would you like that? You want to draw outside? Well, it’s going to rain later on, so you can’t stay out for too long. Can’t have you getting sick, ok? Good. Now eat up. I’ll consider lessening my punishments so long as you continue to behave, alright hun? Love you.”

[gra-sonas]

I didn’t mean to be “silent”, this just took me much longer to write than I had planned. 

First of all, I’d like to point you in the direction of a very good post @adiwriting​ posted a couple of days ago, that sums things up in a very articulate way, you can find it HERE.

~*~

In short: in his most recent interview with the Pretty Little Wine Moms Podcast, Tyler - who’s playing a character who’s half Native American -  revealed, that he did a DNA test with a company called 23AndMe during the filming of season 1 of Roswell, New Mexico, and he test didn’t detect Native American ancestry, even though his grandmother had told him in 2010, that his paternal grandfather Harold's great grandmother was Cherokee Indian.

Below the cut is a transcript of that part of the interview, my opinion on this whole thing, and I answered a couple of asks I got about it. This is a VERY long post.

I’ve already watched the video of the interview, and it shows, that they edited the interview quite heavily. There are several cuts throughout the episode, and some things that can be heard in the audio version, didn’t make it into the video either. 

TRANSCRIPT [I didn’t transcribe every laugh or random words, but I’ve tried my best to make it as accurate as possible]

LESLEY: Did you audition for any of the other roles on PLL?

TYLER: No, Caleb came in halfway through season one. I remember, it was supposed to be a 4-episode stint, a guest starring role. What’s funny though, I lived right by Warner Brothers [studios], so I would drive […] past Warner Brothers and there was a bill board of Pretty Little Liars before it came out and I was like “I could probably be on a show like that.” So, anyway, I auditioned for Caleb, yeah. I never read for… […] No, I didn’t get the role at first because they were like “we really think he needs to be like really ethnic. We need some ethnic diversity. And I was like—

LESLEY: What are you? You’re like “hello”! Part Native American, i mean.

TYLER: Well, no, I’m actually not. I’m actually not, I found out.

HOLLY: Whaaaat? Yes, you are. We did talk about this.

NIA: I thought you were.

HOLLY: We talked about this on set.

TYLER: Do you know when I found out that I wasn’t is when I got Roswell, my character was also supposed to be Native American, half Native American. And I was like “great”, because the pool was like so small. You know, so this is great, you know. I’m shooting season one of the show and do a 23AndMe [DNA test] and I have literally not even 0.1 % Native American.

HOLLY: That can’t be possible.

NIA: No, no, no, no, let me explain how that works. That’s not right.

HOLLY: Nia has some things to tell you.

NIA: The information - I know these things, every nationality in me—

TYLER: Okay, tell me.

NIA: 23AndMe is pulling from— if you do 23AndMe and then you do… what’s the other one—

LESLEY: AncestryCOM

HOLLY: AncestryCOM

NIA: —they’ll come up different. And the reason they’ll come up different from each other is, they’re pulling from the people they already have in their database. So, if there’s not very many Native American people doing 23AndM—

HOLLY: Which there isn’t.

NIA: —it’s not gonna show up.

TYLER: Oh god.

NIA: Yeah.

[INFO: There’s a clear CUT at this point before the interview continues, they even cut Tyler’s “Oh god” you can hear in the audio from the video. So they must’ve talked about this some more before the official version of the interview continues.]

TYLER: Okay, so this is what happened, going back [to being cast as Caleb]. They said “thank you so much for the read” and I really thought I was gonna get it. Because Gayle Pillsbury [PLL casting director] - I’d never even read for her before - and I went in and auditioned, and her response was literally everything you want in an audition. She like lost her fucking mind and was like “where did you come from?”, you know, that sort of thing. I mean, I’m a TERRIBLE auditioner and I get so unbelievably nervous, so for that to be the response—

LESLEY: Wow.

TYLER: So that response… I was like “oh my gosh”. And you even audition and you’re like “I booked it. I booked it!”, you know what I mean? Even though it’s not up to her, you know, but anyway. Then they told me “thank you so much for the read, it was so good, but we want more ethnic diversity”. They came back to me, I don’t know, three weeks later? And they were like “What is your background?” And I was like “I don’t even know.” I called my dad, he tells me “I don’t even know.” He’s like “Call grandma.”. I call my grandma, she tells me her side and then… My dad’s dad passed away before I was born, I don’t know his side of the family at all. So my grandmother talks about his side of the family and says “You know—“ - it was Harold, Harold was my grandfather’s name - —“Harold’s great grandmother was Cherokee Indian. And I was like “Really?” I was like “This is good!”

WINE MOMS,  LAUGHING: “This is good!”

TYLER: So, then I told casting “I’m Native American.” And so they thought it was enough to cast me as, you know, ‘ethnically ambiguous’ or whatever.

[END TRANSCRIPT]

~*~

I’m not an expert on DNA tests. Nia’s comment that tests from different companies come back with different results bc they pull their data from different gene pools makes sense, but I can’t verify whether that's actually the case. Neither do I know whether her claim that 23AndMe pool lacks Native samples for reference is correct.

If it is, it would mean that 23AndMe DNA tests in general wouldn’t be able to detect Native ancestry in any sample. Maybe a test with a different company would come up with a different result, in any case, it would be a very small percentage, given how many generations are between Tyler and his Native ancestor.

The result of the test is only one piece of the puzzle tho, and not the relevant one.

The question isn’t whether the result indicates that what Tyler’s grandma told him is false. The question is, if one Native ancestor 5 generations back and no tribal affiliation of any kind entitle Tyler to play POC characters. 

The answer is a clear no, and yet he’s been cast as non-white characters (and in one case as an explicitly Native character) twice in his life.

That’s unfortunate at best, and ignorant at worst.

~*~

Tyler auditioned for PLL in 2010 when he was 23, turning 24 that year. Initially he didn’t get the role bc they wanted someone “ethnic”. They called him 3 weeks (!) after the initial rejection and asked about his background, and by talking to his grandma, he found out about this Native ancestor.

2010 was a mere decade ago, but it was also a different time. Discussions about diversity and representation on screen, the question whether it’s okay for male actors to play trans women or if shows should pass the Bechdel test were all topics that weren’t discussed as “aggressively (and I mean that in a very positive way, hammer it home that all these things matter!) as they are discussed today, and structures in the TV and movie industry ignored most of it anyway (still do way too often, lbr).

Looking back, it’s easy to condemn what happened as vigorously as we would condemn it if it happened today, but applying today’s standards to 2010 is still a bit unfair. (I’m not saying that what happened is okay, just that back then the level of awareness for it to be wrong wasn’t the same as it is today).

Sure enough ABC execs were all too happy to accept that minimal partial Native ancestry as “enough” to cast him, probably also because Tyler looked “ethnically ambiguous” to them, whatever that means. (Holly also mentioned that they talked about Tyler’s Native ancestry on the set of PLL, and apparently not a single person pointed out that maybe it was a questionable decision...).

Tyler was trying to get his career started back then, and an opportunity like PLL would be any young actor’s dream. When they told him “you’re ethnic enough, you’ve got the job”, he lacked the tools and the awareness to question their decision, neither did anyone ever question Tyler’s decision to accept the role. It was considered to be “okay” by all sides. Which is a systemic problem.

As far as I know, Caleb’s supposed “ethnically diverse” background was never explored on PLL, so they were just happy he looked “ethnic" but never gave a fuck about actual representation. Welcome to the club of most TV shows ever made. Even in 2020, too many shows and movies still try to pull that shit. The difference is, that nowadays they are called out, and people speak up. 

~*~

Fast forward to 2017 when Tyler got the script for Roswell. 7 years of him believing that this partial Native ancestry made him part Native, not half like Alex Manes, but it probably felt like it was “enough” - it had been enough for PLL after all.

He got cast because he’s a great actor, but also because he supposedly had the required ethnic background. This is also on the studio tbh. I assume he was asked about his background and he must’ve told them the same story (since he didn’t have a DNA test he could’ve shown them), and for The CW “one Cherokee Indian ancestor 5 generations back” was also “Native enough”...

~*~

It’s quite a bit of a mess tbh. Fans have been hit rather hard by this revelation, some are angry, some are disappointed, some feel uncomfortable, some probably don’t know whether how they feel is how they should feel after applying all our new-found 2020 ~wisdom and awareness to the situation.

Opinions on the matter differ. Vastly in some cases. Some people feel betrayed, some have “cancelled” Tyler, for others it’s not ideal but also not that big of a deal. It’s a mixed bag, really. 

As for me: 2010 Tyler gets a pass from me. It was a “different time” with different industry rules in place, and ABC’s higher ups, who should’ve known and done better, didn’t. Neither did anyone in casting, nor his management, colleagues, or anyone in his personal life. And he clearly lacked the experience and awareness to question the decision, or himself for accepting it because it never was questioned! Not even in the years following.

2017 Tyler only gets a partial pass. 2017 wasn’t 2020 and too many things were still not all that different from 2010. He’d been on a show for 7 years where this partial Native ancestry was “enough”. Hence he probably felt like auditioning for the role of Alex was okay, and everyone involved in the casting process thought so, too. 

He never pretended to be Native American to get the role, he never pulled a Scarlett Johansson. However... he probably should’ve questioned a bit harder whether a Native ancestor 5 generations back makes him “Native enough” to play a (half) Native character, or any kind of POC character for that matter.

So yeah, definitely putting some blame on him for the lack of awareness, but I’m also side-eying The CW and whoever was involved in the decision making. 

~*~

What I hope for and expect fromTyler now and in the future is, that he won’t ever allow to be cast as any kind of “ethnic” character ever again.

He’s worked hard and has very much earned the career he’s made. He’s an amazing actor, but the circumstances that gave him the opportunity to have that career are based on racist structures in the TV and movie industry, and he directly profited from a system, that cast him - for all we know a white man - as a man of color. Twice.

Imo Tyler’s well aware of these things now. 2020 in particular should’ve been a pretty good eye-opener. It’s good that he has someone like Jeanine to look up to and learn from (not her job to teach him or take him by the hand or anything, but I think she’s a great example of someone who’s already made a name of herself, and uses her influence to help others, and the way she talks about diversity and elevating marginalized voices is very powerful), and I hope that in the future he’ll use is voice and “weight” as an established actor, to elevate minority voices and push for their stories to be included.

Answered your question in part above already.

It’s important to note that there’s a difference between criticizing someone’s actions, and openly hating and/or dissing them. This is a messy situation, and while Tyler can’t change the past, he has to do better in the future. Saying that doesn’t make me (or anyone else) a hater. Tyler’s amazing, but he’s also not perfect. And he doesn’t have to be. No one’s perfect.

When I look back at my life, dear god, I grew up in a very liberal family, we travelled places, I had access to all the books and education, and still. At 23? I was somewhat anti-feminist and a slightly conservative leaning liberal. Not a bad person per se, but also quite ignorant (compared to today’s standards anyway). Thankfully that’s changed over the years. And it keeps changing. Because getting complacent and thinking “I know it all” is BS. I’m working on myself every day, and I’m still prone to fuck up occasionally bc the system is rigged in my favor, and I might not even be aware of it in that moment. 

I’m not cross with Tyler, because I can’t say for certain I hadn’t done the same if the circumstances had been similar. I’m actually quite sure I had done the same, bc society and the industry made it okay. AND NO ONE EVER QUESTIONED IT! He never claimed more for himself than a Native ancestor 5 generations back, and society at large and the TV/movie industry in particular said “that’s fine, you have that ancestry, you can go for diverse roles”. So in part, he fell victim to a system that pretended it was okay.

With MeToo and the Black Lives Matter movement, that “it’s okay” mentality is finally questioned and challenged, and more and more people speak up whenever someone tries to pull this shit. But it still keeps happening and there’s a lot more work to do. 

No one can claim ignorance anymore, though. And he has to do better in the future.

I feel you, nonnie. It’s a messy situation. Imo it’s most unfortunate that this information came out the way it did. In a heavily edited podcast episode with inexperienced (and dare I say “industry-biased”) moderators. We don’t know what else he said or for how long they talked about this.

The podcast hosts were clearly not the most qualified to handle that kind of revelation. There were no follow-up questions, there was no criticism, and the way the interview was edited, the whole thing was treated as a non-issue and “fun” anecdote. Which doesn’t do Tyler any favors tbh. 

But imo it’s also unfair to condemn him solely on what they decided to release. We don’t know what else he said, whether he expressed remorse or whatnot. I don’t know whether his publicist okayed the interview prior to its release. If they did, he should get a new publicist... 

(I’m not implying he should’ve kept it a “secret”, but as a publicist I would’ve made sure this revelation had been handled differently, and Tyler hadn’t been made to look like he was just laughing it off).

I don’t know Tyler personally, but going by everything I’ve seen from him and know about him, I’m certain he won’t take on another POC role. And even if another DNA test should come up with a different result one day, and a certain percentage of Native ancestry would be found, I’d expect him to handle things differently. And imo that’s something he expects from himself, too. He’s a good man. <3

I don’t think he should, but I’m white, so my opinion on this isn’t really relevant. If Native groups would call for him to step down (which I don’t think they would), I’d support it because THEIR opinion on this actually matters.

One option could be that they do a storyline where it’s revealed that the woman Alex believes to be his mother isn’t his biological mom and it turns out he’s not Native - but that’s probably a far stretch, idk.

If he’d give up the role (which he clearly isn’t doing, considering he’s found out during S1 and is about to begin filming S3), I doubt The CW would recast the role with a native actor btw. Alex’d just be written off the show.

What I hope for is, that he’ll join Jeanine in her efforts to push for more Native and Latinx representation and stories on the show (Jeanine talked about that in her recent IG live with congressman Castro, @lambourngb​ made a post about it), and you can watch the entire IG live here.

Fandom’s a large group of many individual people. There are several people who have addressed this and talk about it. And while not every single person in fandom’s talking about it, it’s not swept under the rug either.

And how does this whole thing make Malex fans (another large group of many individual people) look toxic? Malex fans are not a hive mind. I have seen several Malex fans talk about this, and talk about it critically.

I’m sorry that you’re disappointed, nonnie, I’m just not sure what you expected?

[pronouncingitwang]

reverse unpopular opinion: melanie but also elias

@coulson-is-an-avenger also asked for melanie so tagging them here okay now let’s gooooo

melanie qing light of my life only person i care about in the entire world! remember how canonically in like her first few weeks working at the institute she made both tim and martin cry like yeah if you think about that too hard i do feel bad for the lads but i’m also living life with my melanie-loving goggles on so i only care about the iconicity

obsessed obsessed obsessed with her in mag131 talking to jon after he did surgery on her leg like i’m forever jenny slate nasa scream at “it stayed because i wanted it.” also obsessed with the entirety of her statement in mag117 right before the unknowing like the fucking fact that she refuses to make a “proper” statement about her getting shot in the leg because that pain is HERS and it doesn’t exist for jon (/the eye) to study and call “fascinating” the fact that she insists her therapist turn the tape recorder off the way she always fights tooth and nail to hang onto what she believes rightfully belongs to her (including the ghost bullet, which ofc is a bad move but i don’t love ppl for making good moves, i love ppl for having personalities and good intentions) the way she chooses to hold onto herself (paraphrasing here but in mag150 with the ”if i’m just another cog in their machine then i’m not turning”) and her values like god. god. god.

i don’t have to talk nice about elias until i get to answering that part of your question so let’s just say that the moment i despised that wretched creature the most in the entire podcast was when he made melanie cry like the apocalypse is bad but also i have priorities justifiable by the fact that melanie is so good and she deserves to kill elias soooo bad

i remember in an assistants round table that lyd nicholas said that melanie bases a lot of her worth on her competency, at being good at her job, and thinking about how that got torn away from her, first with becoming a joke in the ghost hunting community (which is where i’m assuming she got most of her friends - who later all abandoned her except georgie), then with her new job title being Cog In The Evil-Making Machine, and i love her for the fact that she was able to fight her way out of her self-worth being taken away and say “no more supernatural stuff i’m making a new life for myself now” and yes i do think she needed the leg surgery to get there but the rest of that was HER (*martha jones voice* this was her. getting out.)!

and i love the ways in which melanie is kind! i love that she went to check on sarah baldwin alone when she wasn’t keeping watch anymore because she didn’t want to wake the other crewmates and embarrass her! i love the way she checks up on martin after elias shoves trauma at him! i love that when she told jon she was quitting in mag155 she says “it’s the rest of you i’m worried about” because she still cares about them, maybe just because they’re people, maybe bc they’ve been through so much together, but that’s something! i love her sleepy voice when she tells georgie she woke the admiral in mag157! i love that she was the first one to rescue someone from a domain because she couldn’t leave her therapist there to suffer! i love her for “we shouldn’t talk about them like this, they’re good people” in mag190! i love that she is still angry and she still hates people and yet despite all that she works to help them and protect them! I Just Love Her

-

as for elias.......... uh. i can appreciate someone using their magic eye powers to show up and steal birthday cake. also when he said martin’s work would’ve suffered if he’d told the archives team jon had been kidnapped (and tortured and traumatized for a month while elias sat around and did NOTHING about it like literally nothing just like he fucking let not!Sasha run amok through all of season 2) that was.. kinda... funny.....? *checks clock* oh thank god i’m done now

ty for the ask!

ask me to gush about something, regardless of my opinions on it

[jelloopy]

Taz Grad Ep 25

I know I’m a day late and I Skipped last episode im sorry. I got caught up with some stuff. But here we go!

Ranier Jesus, please don’t break your chair.

Argo and Firby just like disappointed “alright let’s go get our idiot (That’s a sign of an honest friendship right there)

Fitz in the Crypt! (Band name called it!)

JUSTIN AND CLINT PLAYING THE SKELEBROS OMFG (That’s v good on Travis’ part so he doesn’t have to talk for so long and also J&C don’t have to sit in silence for large swaths of time either!)

Gurkin is in his idle animation (I don’t actually know how to spell it so we’re going with that.... But still…)

Tibia was a vampire and has gold teeth!

So polite Fitz. Fuckin waving at the skeletons

”We can go by coco rules here!” (Thank you for clearing that up because I see it both ways from time to time when the training skeletons come in to play)

Tibia hugs Fitz (Clint I love you… jfc adorable.)

”I am inside you for sure, for sure!” “Oh, I don’t care for the phraseology of that at all” “I don’t like the physiology of it at all but here we are” (Very gross but very nice convo here I like the quick wit boys I was cracking up laughing)

God I love that they are doing this digitally so they aren’t in the same room and also it’s a podcast so they have to narrate everything they do “thumbs up”

”I nod knowingly” “he throws both of his hands in the air like ‘weeee!’”

Fitzroy is really sacrificing it all for these skeletons. He’s taking the shittiest route possible to make sure Tibia and Gurkin are safe (Now that’s a man who is worthy of being King!)

”Ohhhh, Golly. Ohhh Gosh” (Fitz p l e a s e just say fuck.)

OH THANK GOD good job Fitz using your magic as you should I’m v v proud of you (I was so worried he forgot he had magic)

”magic never goes wrong for me!” (Says the man who turned into a plant last time but sure go ahead and believe that)

Firby summons Breeze through the Willows and asks for transportation help!

Woah Ranier’s chair can shrink! (Classic. Magnus Burnsides and Taako working together I love it)

YO THE FOREST GUARDIAN IS DELIVERING A MESSAGE FROM FIRBY TO FIRBY? WTF (what does this actually imply for future visits with the “forest guardian”?)

Oooo splitting up the party that’s pretty scary guys (I don’t think Travis will do you dirty but good lord you’re all apart)

”Choose. *and justify*”

Good god this is comical I want to animate this (The scene with Tibia and Gurkin pointing and being loveable fools)

Gurkin takes the Helmet key and wears it on his thumb out of the room. (This is a very good merch opportunity boys please take it I will buy it you have no idea)

”Stairs! *gasp* could be a mimic!” “yep could be a mimic!” “Nah I’m just playing I go up the stairs I’m not afraid of no mimic” (sir... yes you should be, please be careful)

”May I interest you in a scone?” (Travis... is this your reference to Klarg and how he didn’t have scones?)

HOW DARE YOU FUCKING CALL FIRBY A THIEF I WILL FUCKING KILL YOU MOTHERFUCKER (Sorry got a little heated there but the threat still stands)

awe my fucking god Travis bringing baby Dot into the Ad read I’m s o f t (I live for any McElroy + their kid content like it’s so cute)

RANIER’S DAD IS DARK SKINNED WITH VITILIGO OMFG YESSS!!!!!!! HIS NAME IS Gordy? (So good I adore this. The name is so funny. Plus all the people who were dead set on Barry being Ranier’s dad are sad lmao)

”it’s a half-elf thing anyway” (Fitz please)

”Can I be a dad for a second?” (melted my heart)

”this seems very unfair to you!” (Felt that ok keep going)

”I’m up for the task but I need help and every time I ask for it there’s all these hoops I have to jump through” (OK FELT THAT KEEP GOING)

Travis, you are explaining the US/world today I hate you jfc stOPPPP (Please it’s too meta I can’t)

NOOOOOO FIRBY’S DAD IS DYING NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

”You do not look ill to me” (Pulling a fucking dad joke right off the bat huh Justin? I like your style)

”I am dying so what do I care” (Me in the situation of our world today)

AWE AWE AWEEEE FIRBY THINKS OF THE BOYS AS HIS NEW CLAN MY H E A R T

“I have been alone since I’ve left here. Be we are alone. Together.”

”Sleep well we will talk about this more in the morning” “and your father closes his eyes for the last time.” (JFC I’m CRYING OVER A NEW CHARACTER WHO doesn’t EVEN MAKE IT HALF AN EPISODE)

Firbolg SINGING IN HONOR OF HIS FATHER I’m SOBBING LEGIT RN (This isn’t a joke. Justin’s voice. Him singing in Firbolg’s voice too? OH my god. The talent, the emotion.)

ARGO AND RANIER TO THE RESCUE!!!!

Fitz is so worried about Firby right away (omfg my crops are watered, my acne is cleared)

Argo n Tibia  (Yes.)

”No magic except for mine can get in or out of here”

TRAVIS WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN THE FIRE IS FLICKERING IN SPOTS

NO OH FUCK. OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. THAT’S NOT. JFC

GREY FUCKING GO AWAY.

”I told you that if you left without my permission that I would kill ten students a day until you come back.” (I didn’t even… consider… the implications…)

HOLY FUCK HELL HOUNDS? FITZ FUCKING SAVE THOSE BITCHES OH DEAR GOD GORDY YOU FUCKED THIS UP DIDN’T YOU?

Griffin, I need this music out ASAP, please. I swear to god.

In other news, I really am excited about next week’s episode. Bc, I think it’s going to be “Hello everyone! Welcome back! Roll for initiative” And those are my fave types of dnd sessions.

[sohlaelwaylly]

Hi sohla was on the unhappy hour podcast so here are some things that I've learned that may or may not make sense without context :) from about 26-41 minutes in

Sohla is a vampire confirmed. She doesn't like sunlight

She changes what she eats everyday and when she eats them?? There's no set anything. Chaos

She doesn't want to talk about anything other than food. Happy to be in the food industry and get to develop recipes

When she was little she played piano, fenced?? And all sorts of things but only continued cooking

Tried getting a job in finance in 2008 😬but couldn't so instead started working at a restaurant. Sought out places to learn n have fun :)

Vito has a doggy therapist and Clementine is his??? Emotional support animal?? They're are thriving in quarantine

Ham brushes the dogs teeth twice a day.

"I don't think we would treat a human child this well. I mean. Kids talk. I don't think we'd like em as much"

When writing recipes she never settles on the first idea. Baklava pie turned into cranberry pie which turned into citrus pie to?? every recipe goes through a journey

25 versions of the Cinnamon buns before she landed on the final version. Explains why hunzi was like 👀 are you proud of this? In the Cinnamon buns video

Quarantine is the reason for her first interaction with her neighbours bc she was trying to get rid of chicken parm

Really into burnt nuts [explanation] (they're tasty?)

She's also got the big story!!! Developing thanksgiving food. She's loving this!!!! Nontraditional thanksgiving. Antithanksgiving? No turkey, cranberries or stuffing this year! 'all the things our moms would make for a holiday'

She's cooking this menu this year for thanksgiving so when you cook her Thanksgiving recipes it'll be like we're celebrating Thanksgiving together 😭💖 in some ways it'll be the biggest thanksgiving dinner of all!

Against most kitchen gadgets

"it slithers out just like a flaccid penis and collapses. I dont want to eat that for breakfast! "

Sohla egg tips:

• Drop in boiling (steaming) water

• Gently tap all over shell when it's still hot then ice bath

"I don't understand how no one there knows how to temper chocolate. It blows my mind. It's insane. Like most restaurants I've worked at, the bus boy can temper chocolate. It's really not hard. Just stir. Just keep stiring Claire."

Whole roasted chickens are overrated. 'something about a whole bird sounds great to you but it's really the worst way to cook chicken. It really is. It's never going to be good even if you're like a master. It's never going to be as good as if you just spatchcocked it or cut it into parts and cooked it separately'

As a kid she didn't like her food to touch. Also not into human touch. Valid

Burritos really bother her (does not like all food packed together!)

'I want control when I'm eating '

Quarantine has made her even more obsessed and picky

Doesn't like picnics or Outdoor dining. It's dirty!

[thedreadvampy]

So this was sent to me by @atiredpan weeks ago when the White Jon conversation was very live and I'm posting it (belatedly) with their blessing (they didn't want to put it up publicly and have it seem like an attack which I really very much appreciate but wouldn't have minded) and I percolated for a few days and then got very busy for a few weeks. Response follows.

So I feel weird about how I'm responding to this stuff, I'm launching rapidly into taking about/explaining my own experience in a way I'm worried maybe comes across as a direct comparison. It kind of feels like I'm talking in a way that's like brushing off your experience and saying OK BUT HERE'S WHY I'M RIGHT and that's not what I'm trying to do, it's just that there's not much I can usefully add to what you've said - you know your experience better than I do, and I'm not gonna go around trying to read into it or reexplain it. So I'm going to talk about where I am/have been coming from, but not with the intention of countering your points, all of which I think really resonate.

First off, the post where I was like "Jon is white and if you disagree you're Wrong" was, unreservedly, just a shitty post and I'm not suprised it upset a lot of people. I'm really very sorry about that, it was thoughtlessly written and pretty stupidly posted.

I totally get that my whiteness has fed into how I hced Jon (and as I think I've said before I saw Jon a certain way well before I engaged with any fanworks, just as you did). There's a lot of reasons I imagined Jon as white from pretty early on, a non-negligible one of which was like...That's Jonny. This is a podcast by Jonny, about a character with the same name and mannerisms as Jonny, and Jonny is extremely white. It would have felt weird, when I was listening to TMA as a Friend Podcast, to stick a brown face onto what at least appeared at the time to basically be a self-insert character of my white friend. Now that's a really personal thing informed less by the story and more by the circumstances under which I've interacted with it, but it certainly laid a baseline. I didn't really have a clear mental picture of Jon (or most of the characters) for a looooooong time (for an artist I'm really not a very visual thinker) but I had a few sort of mental sketches (Jon is short white balding and awkward, Martin is tall biracial and scruffy Basira is fat and somali Melanie is my friend from work etc) which I developed a long time before I encountered fanworks.

I saw the alienation you mentioned and I connected it to class and gender, not race, because I’ve met a lot of cis men, white and otherwise, who interpolate trauma, class insecurity, insecurity about their own abilities, and so on into withdrawal, denial and snappiness. So for me I had an interpretation of that element of his personality which was pretty much race-neutral, and then I had these existing cues leading me to assuming he was white (largely that Jonny is white, but also wee stuff in the story that...it’s not like anything substantial enough to remember, let alone justify, but there were certainly interactions that pinged whiteness for me personally)

There are actually iirc a few throwaway references to Jon being promoted above more qualified candidates throughout (or at least I thought I knew that before s5), but the time I decided I thought White Jon was an obvious conclusion was of course the conversation where Sasha expresses frustration about it. and the context of that conclusion (at least as far as I can see) wasn't "people of colour can only exist in subservient positions/defined by oppression" but was informed by two things that were going on with my life around the time that episode aired

I had been having several conversations with friends of mine (and largely friends of Jonny's) who work in London in the museums/archiving sector and who are the only women of colour in whole departments or even whole museums, and who experience so little career mobility compared to their less-qualified white counterparts (we're talking about women graduating top of their class at Oxbridge with anthropology or library science masters and stellar original research, with a decade or more of impeccable work experience and acting up, being left in internship and low-grade positions, while white men who "fit the culture" but have 0 museums experience sail into upper management positions and then stay there until they retire). So I'd come almost directly from these conversations into what to me sounded like exactly the same gripe in TMA.

I'd been at that point working for about a year and a half on co-coordinating the anti-oppression committee in my workplace, which was a very Good Progressive Activist Charity with Good Lefty Principles, and over the course of experience sharing and discussions both with colleagues of colour and along lines of wealth, disability, class etc, I was very much confronted with the realisation of how much 'being adequately qualified' meant different things for middle-class good-university white men vs much more highly skilled and hardworking women of colour or people of different class and wealth backgrounds. Obviously I'd known that before in principle, but not really having been in Salaried Workplaces (as opposed to like. service and retail hourlies) I hadn’t got so up close and personal with it. So that was also very fresh in my mind, this like...big substantial experience of how Good, Well-Meaning, Caring, Thoughtful, Woke white men just........did not need to think about this. at all. and were startled and discomforted to face it. and that this was also true of most white middle-class women. and these conversations were really carved down the middle between white middle-class European women saying ‘this is such a surprise when we have such an equitable hiring policy and diverse staff, that there’s this gender gap’ and women of colour in the room wearily saying ‘yeah, there’s a gender gap, there’s always a gender gap and it is always a racialised gender gap’ so yeah I was definitely thinking about the intersection between being passed over at work because of gender and because of race.

The point about Tim is interesting because I think for me what’s getting lost is that I don’t think Jon is entitled as like...a Character Trait. He’s not like...Toxic Masculinity Man. He is very anxious about boundaries and about his own capacity to do harm. But it has to be pointed out to him where he’s doing harm. He doesn’t notice where he’s been unfairly advantaged, and that’s to me much more reflective of most people’s relationship to white or male entitlement. 

As I say, that exchange with Tim and Sasha cemented the Jon Is White hc in my head specifically because it was so reflective of conversations I had had with women of colour working in similar workplaces, about white men, usually about white men they generally liked or at least didn’t have beef with beyond their unfair advantages. 

It seems odd to me to frame ‘bitching about your boss on your friend’s behalf to make her feel better’ as more similar to white entitlement/white privilege than any of that tbh? That’s just...being friends with someone? 

Anyway I recognise that it’s not white entitlement to accept a job. Obviously it’s not, it’s just sensible under the circumstances, you get lucky and you grab it. For me my sense of Jon as white-because-of-this is not “he took a job he shouldn’t have taken,” it’s more about his obliviousness to the impact he has on others, and also primarily how people react to him. The interaction between Sasha and Tim is saturated with the of course it would be him I mentioned above, but even before that he walks through the world not expecting to have to think about anything but his conscious decisions, and he’s caught aback when people see him as out of place or as having power above his station.

I think it’s impossible to extricate ‘this is where my head was at’ from that interpretation, and also like obviously my own whiteness is a big factor. And not just my own personal whiteness but the place I grew up (which was 98.3% white) and the world which reflects back whiteness. So this is in no way intended as a bolshy This Is The Correct Headcanon the way my Bad Post was bc examining it I’m like...yeah I mean this is about how I personally interpreted this based on where I was at at the time. But I do feel like there’s some communication gap in what it is about this unqualified promotion thing that pinged me - it’s not that All Bosses Must Be White And All Brown People Must Be Downtrod, it’s something quite specific about the tone and tenor of the interactions around the getting-a-job.

But also? Idk. Kind of unrelatedly, and people obviously should feel free to disagree with me on this, it feels kind of off to frame this as defaulting to a white Jon? I sort of think that my idea of Jon as white is very much not ‘white until proven otherwise’ - part of the reason for my original strident tone was that I felt that I was being expected to drop a headcanon I had for specific reasons and default to the fanon version of Jon without actually having any reason other than ‘this is how the community thinks he should look,’ and without really understanding anything about what that means, and while obviously defaulting to a non-white headcanon isn’t like...entrenched in the way that defaulting to a white headcanon is, it does seem to me like this is perhaps part of why white fans slap brown skin onto a character without thinking into what that means or why they’re doing it.

The thing I’m struggling with as regards my personal headcanon here is that I could decide to only ever draw Jon as Fanon Jon, but it wouldn’t be because I had strong reasons to see him that way, it wouldn’t be the same as why you see Jon as brown, or why I see like...Melanie as Indian, it would literally be Default To Standard in a way it isn’t for you. And I don’t feel that I have Defaulted To Whiteness, or where I have it is for reasons specifically to do with Jon (I visualised Jon as white because I visualised him as Jonny, who is white), not because I think every character is White Until Proven Otherwise. Like, my reasons for understanding Jon as white may be bad reasons, but they are reasons, not post-hoc excuses (I can’t like...prove that. but I know it to be true at least on a conscious level). I didn’t go Oh Jon Is White Because Everyone Is Unless I Have Reason To Think They Aren’t, Hooray, Here Is A Post-Hoc Justification For Why It Isn’t Racist To Think That. So while I am totally on board with the idea that it may be shitty, harmful or poorly thought through to hc Jon as white, I’m not sure I can fully see it in myself as being default. But I do understand that that isn’t necessarily what came across in my original short post.

Honestly, the reason I took issue with Fanon Jon and Fanon Martin in such a bolshy way in the first place was that I didn’t get why these characters were universally seen as Asian and white, respectively, and had such strong and consistent fanon images, when none of the other characters did, and when I was seeing people drawing people like Sasha and Melanie and Tim as white way more when in my mind there was no reason to assume they were white. On an emotional level I guess I think either there’s Fanon As Lore, or there’s no fanon (and I prefer the latter) and my discomfort came from the place that the one character I absolutely saw as coded as white in the core cast had this one really specific Ambiguously Brown Fanon Look (which from what I’d seen at the time didn’t seem to be like...backed with anything or coming from any personal interpretation for most of the white fans I was seeing on like Twitter and Tumblr) but white headcanons are everywhere for characters like Melanie or Sasha or Georgie, who seemed to me to be unambiguously people of colour, or characters like Tim or Martin (who could perfectly reasonably be people of colour and who I hc as Rroma and biracial respectively)? I don’t know, it’s difficult to express, but I find it frustrating.

[bronanlynch]

I enjoyed doing this last week so this is. a thing now I guess. click through for roundup of whatever media I’ve been into in the past week (will normally be on thursdays I think bc that’s the day I’m usually free but my schedule this week was weird) (inspired by the tuesday again thing that @girlfriendsofthegalaxy does)

listening: the new Mountain Goats album Getting Into Knives is very fun and full of bops, for a given value of both “fun” and “bops” because it’s The Mountain Goats so it does have that edge of depression but quite a few of the songs are a bit more. cheerful? than a lot of their other stuff, for lack of a better word

favorite track is probably The Rat Queen

listening (podcast edition): this very fun episode of Overinvested tearing apart the new movie adaptation of Rebecca which I have not seen and was not planning on seeing but I do enjoy people smartly analyzing why things aren’t good and also I do love discussions about Gothic romance

reading: The Mermaid, the Witch, and the Sea by Maggie Tokuda-Hall is probably a very good book that someone else will enjoy very much, as lots of people whose opinions I generally trust already have enjoyed it. and I possibly will enjoy more if I give it another chance, once I’ve gotten over being disappointed that it wasn’t what I was looking for right now. the premise is neat! the worldbuilding is cool! the characters are interesting! mermaids, witches, and seas are three of my favorite things and also there are pirates, my other fave thing!

the reason I bounced off of it so hard is that I kept seeing it hyped up as a trans/nonbinary book, and then felt kinda let down when I started reading it and realized that the main character whom I’ve seen described as genderqueer is 1) dressing as a guy because someone else suggested it for safety reasons and 2) this was several years before the story starts and this character still refers to herself exclusively (disclaimer that I didn’t read the full thing but. as far as I got and also I skimmed toward the ending) as she and by her feminine birthname. and those things are fine, that’s a valid gender story, nonbinary people can absolutely keep their old pronouns and names and it doesn’t make them any less nonbinary, but the way it was framed in the parts that I read felt to me more like the old classic ‘girl dresses as guy for plot reasons’ thing, which isn’t something I personally wanted to read more of right now, especially not when I went in expecting something that would resonate more with my gender experience

watching: I’ve been rewatching Leverage, since I only ever watched the first season many years ago because that’s what was free on hulu at the time, and the thing that’s really getting to me is how fundamentally hopeful it is. like, yeah, sure, the premise of it is about how capitalism is designed to fuck people over and there is A Lot about specifically health insurance being really really awful. so there are parts of it that are a lil bit too real, but then at the end of the day they always win and punish the rich capitalists and help their victims and it’s just. nice to see that kind of happy ending

the specific episode I’m having lots of thoughts about is the Mile High Job, which is about the team is trying to protect a potential corporate whistleblower from being murdered by her coworker while on an airplane. at first they’re not sure what’s going on because they weren’t expecting two people from the corporation to be on that flight, so they don’t know which person is the one they should be focusing on. one of them is an anxious younger woman and the other is an extremely generic man, and from the moment they decided that the woman was the one they had to protect I was dreading the plot twist of “no actually you just helped her take out her target and you should’ve been protecting the other guy” which would’ve felt just. so mean-spirited and cynical but it’s the kind of thing I expect from media I guess. and then once it was clear that nope, that twist wasn’t going to happen, I expected her to turn around at the end and be like “actually no I’m not gonna testify against the corporation because I’ve realized how dangerous it is.” and I kind of hate that I’ve become so jaded by both media and also the real world that I’m so ready to expect the most cynical option, because I’m not used to stories about how even though the system is corrupt and oppressive and exploitative, people can still help each and they do and sometimes they make things better

playing: got back into playing Dishonored after taking a couple weeks off because I got stuck and frustrated and also kept playing for too long at a time and giving myself headaches. Lady Boyle’s Last Party (which I am going to completely and entirely spoil so if you don’t want that this is your warning) is probably the mission that I have the strongest mixed feelings about. I love the approach to the party, I love the concept of sneaking into a masquerade ball, I love signing the guestbook with your actual legal wanted fugitive name while wearing the mask that you commit all of your crimes in, I love a good fancy party mission I cannot stress that enough it’s the sexiest possible setting

HOWEVER. trying to sneak around upstairs fucking sucks because the ceilings aren’t high enough for there to be places to hide, like convenient hanging lamps or pipes to blink up to. my least favorite room in this entire game is that art gallery because you can get on top of the cases and you think you’re safe because you’re Up but then the guards spot you instantly and sound the alarm and the entire party shuts down and then you let them kill you so that you can go back to your last save

ADDITIONALLY, fuck the nonlethal option for this one. I hate it so much and feel so incredibly gross about choosing it but I also feel extremely not great about tricking her into meeting me alone and then actually assassinating her. the conversation is so uncomfortable that I tried to be like “actually no nevermind” which causes her to think you’re weird and creepy and she has the guards ““throw you out”“ which apparently in Dunwall is just how you say that she’s gonna have the guards murder you. but anyway. she's a shitty rich lady but she doesn't deserve either of the things that could happen to her and she's only a target because she's sleeping w a guy who sucks. she hasn’t done anything! she isn’t actually responsible for what happened to Jessamine or Emily! which works on a narrative level in my opinion because this is the last mission before you go after the lord regent and it’s becoming clear that the loyalists are just using Corvo for their own agenda and don’t actually care about Jessamine. but it’s still unpleasant to be the one enacting it, y’know?

also on a narrative level, I really like the concept of doing a clean hands run except killing each of the actual targets, because I feel like that would be a cool inversion of the trope where the hero kills a bunch of mooks and then refuses to kill the big bad because murder is wrong. on a gameplay level, I’m still gonna do the nonlethal options because I refuse to risk getting the bad ending, and I’m proud of the fact that I haven’t killed anyone since getting out of prison. I do wanna do a high chaos playthrough at some point though just to see how it goes, since I went low chaos last time too

sorry for writing an entire essay about Dishonored but. the funniest thing from that mission is that apparently if you get spotted by one of the maids in the basement where you are not supposed to be (the guards will immediately attack if they see you) instead of raising the alarm she just says “welcome to the party.” love that solidarity.

making: none of my cosplay stuff is at an especially picture-worthy stage and I didn’t get pictures of the pesto I made for dinner last night so there’s not gonna be much that’s interesting here but I did go to Spirit Halloween after Halloween when everything was on clearance and got a bunch of stuff that I’m gonna use for cosplay eventually

writing: soon I will finish the Eddis/Attolia Queen’s Thief fic that’s been rattling around in my brain ever since I finished the last book. hopefully.

[justzara]

is that [zendaya]? no, that’s just [zaranyika “zara” gunda]. [she/they] is/are [twenty two] years old and is/are a [part time student, odd job-er, & aspiring podcaster]. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [14 years]. on a good day, they’re [introspective & inquisitive]. but watch out! they can also be [detached & controlling]. [summer depression by girl in red] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill! 

[rae, 22, est, she/they]

tw: drugs, emotional abuse, lgbtq issues, homophobia

about zara

As much as Zara likes to put on a brave face, inside, she’s hurting. Her mom is a junkie and left her and her dad when she was 8, and her dad hasn’t been the same since. He’s super controlling and can be emotionally abusive towards her.

Zara has a pretty logical mind, despite her emotions having such a tight grip on her, and she likes to know how things will end before she puts her all into it. She’s scared of the unknown. After her mom left, her dad sorta gave up on all the childhood memories and duties, other than being strict with her and forcing her to only focus on school. The only extracurriculars he allowed her to do were student government and debate club. And funnily enough, she ended up really loving them in the end, which is why she is studying Business Management in college - at Springhill’s community college. 

Due to her missing out on the childhood aspects of her past, Zara taught herself how to ride a bike. She learned to forge her father’s name for detention slips and tardy notes. She accepted to not expect her father to show up to any of her basketball games. Zara had learned, at a young age, to not get her hopes up because that only led to disappointment. The only person she could truly trust was herself.

When she was 15 years old, Zara had first learned the word “non-binary” and took comfort in the idea of not having to choose between identifying herself as solely male or female. Zara uses both she/her and they/them pronouns, and she appreciates when her friends ask her which pronouns she’d like to use that day. Lately and in general, she tends to use she/her, as she’s comfortable with presenting her feminine side in that way and masculine & non-binary sides via the clothes she wears. As for her sexuality, she’s always known, subconsciously, that she has drifted more towards liking girls than boys, but she’s open to all kinds of love, as well.

As far as her working life goes, she likes to be self-sufficient and does odd jobs around town (she’s taught herself a lot of tricks n hobbies n stuff in general lol bc she’d often have to spend a lot of time at home, following her dad’s orders). She’s good with cars (she’s hoping to buy and refurbish an RV so she can travel more - inspo), tutoring, babysitting (she prefers ages 5 and up), pet sitting, cleaning/organizing (when it’s not her own room lol), some technological stuff, etc etc. And she’s still learning more so she can work more!

TW: drugs!!!! (Xanax, Adderall, brief mention of heroin, marijuana)

Zara, unfortunately, has always second-guessed herself. Being a product of a dead-beat mother and insanely strict father may have something to do with that. She had always toyed with the idea of trying drugs, as she wanted to feel closer to her mother and figure out why she chose them over her family. Zara’s first experimentation with any kind of drug was Xanx, which she bought from the weird drug dealer in her freshman orientation class in college. Her second drug of choice was Adderall, to help her get through her first finals week. Things kept escalating from there. Her cut-off point, however, was heroin. She promised herself that she’d never shoot up; she liked being high and dulling her feelings...but she didn’t want to die, persay, and heroin seemed like a death sentence to her. Also, the few times that she’s smoked pot, she’s gotten paranoid, so she tends to stay away from that as well.

wanted connections

i think imma make a separate page on her blog specifically for wc’s - sooooo stay tuned!!

ooc / final notes

omg if you’ve read this far, THANK U SM!!! we’re basically friends bc ur the real MVP :’) pls pls plsssss message me if you’d like to plot w my bb!! 

fun fact: zara is the love child of MJ (spiderman), Rue (euphoria), and myself (esp LGBTQIA+ related, as I’m figuring that out, too, like her!!) if you ever would like to talk to someone (a new friend :D aka me lol) about LGBTQIA+ stuff, mental health stuff & staying positive during these #rough times, or gush about our love of zendaya, sabrina carpenter, harry potter series, etc etc -- then pls message me!!! we don’t have to talk solely about the rp/our charries (although i’d be 100000% okay w that uwu) bc i LOVE making new friends :D and some of my bffs are writing buddies i’ve met online! yayyayayyy

okayyyy rambling done !! ttyl hopefully :D

love always, rae xx

UPDATE 7/13/20 

xyz

[hexfrogs]

Hi!! I just recently started listening to the Magnus Archives, but I’m not very good at focusing. What are some tips you have when listening to podcasts like it?

Hey! And nice!! I hope you enjoy it, tma has gotten me through a lot this year! I feel you on the focus though, I think that’s the biggest learning curve when it comes to getting into podcasts and other audio media. I don’t struggle with paying attention as much as a lot of people but I’ve also been EXTREMELY lucky in my opportunities to have the time to listen. I’m certain I would have never gotten into many podcast beyond taz (which I listened to in my art studio while I painted in college) if I hadn’t gotten a desk job that allowed me to have earbuds in and listen to whatever I want. That’s how I beat Critrole lol and tma as well, among many others. So I was lucky enough to have 8 hour long blocks during my day where I could just work and listen away. My work kept me busy and the podcast actually aided in my focus completing my work too. I used to really only listen the podcasts at work, my car was for music excluding special exceptions, but since I’m not working right now and I didn’t want to fall behind on the podcasts I enjoy, I had to relearn good ways to listen and stay engaged. The main thing being art! I draw while I listen to tma a lot, but since I’ve listened to the entire backlog at least 3/4 times it’s not actually as big of a deal if I miss anything. (Slightly unrelated note, your second listen of tma is even better than the first in many ways. My opinion at least.) things like tumblr and other social media can push on Too Distracting to scroll through while trying to retain new info while listening. With the exception of Pinterest maybe, which I can pretty absentmindedly scroll through while I listen. So tips are kinda hard, id just play around with things that keep your hands busy without fully occupying your mind! I knit a lot as well so that’s a good example. Tbh I’ve been playing animal crossing with Wonderful playing in the bg a lot, but that’s not plot oriented like tma. You’ll miss things in tma on your first listen no matter what so I wouldn’t feel too much pressure. As the weekly eps of season 5 air I really have just been Sitting and Listening to them without doing anything else bc I don’t want to miss a thing, which is fine since they’re short. Well I’ve certainly rambled enough and I feel like I’ve said nothing. Main tip would be find something mindless for your hands to do like draw or knit or whatever if you’re fidgety like me, otherwise just take it one ep at a time! (Something I don’t do, I deserve a medal for binge consumption of specifically tma)

[linphd]

husband!hizashi x wife!reader | widow [angst]

hizashi yamada x reader

female reader

It's a husband x wife story. So, like in most of those I've written, a bitch is dead.

warning : angst, mention of death.

once again inspired by desperate housewives bc yeah that fit and I want y'all ppl who don't watch it to know how sad it is

         (Y/N) wasn't a pro hero, but her quirk was rather useful for her job. Her husband however, was Present Mic. That is to say, a pro hero who used to be a teacher some years ago at Yuei. He had quitted when his wife was pregnant with their first child. And he was really pleased with his family nowadays ; he had two children, and both of them had taken a lot from him -they were loud.

          But (Y/N) knew what she was getting into when she married Hizashi, so she couldn't complain much. And the younger child took much more from her than the first one, making him/her loud only when he/she was having fun ; if he/she wasn't playing anything, he/she was quiet, unlike his/her older sibling.

         Where were the children right now ? Well, they were at their grandparents' house. Because where was Hizashi right now ? At the hospital. Indeed, during some tough hero mission, villains managed to hurt him badly. Actually, it had damaged his lungs and doctors had to operate him. However, since that day, Hizashi had some trouble breathing. And throughout the years, he had needed to visit the hospital so they could ease his breathe.

             During those visits at the hospital, if they were serious ones, (Y/N) preferred to let her children to her parents. She was always scared about her husband's lungs abandoning him, and when it wasn't just a random check-up visit, she usually was too stressed. And she didn't want neither to show that to her children, nor being mean to them because of the stress. So, giving them to the grandparents was a solution.

It was even more stressful for (Y/N), since this time, Hizashi had to go through an operation once again. She didn't mind his scars, but she was scared that he was getting them for nothing ; his condition didn't seem to get better. He wasn't dying, he could live easily. It was just times when he got too excited, that his lungs wouldn't be able to follow him. And the blonde was a pretty excited person.

(Y/N) could still remember how bad he was trying to stay calm at their wedding. He was so goofy, trying not to spill anything on his suit nor her dress. The dance was so beautiful, too. It started with classical music, but turned to some pop after that, because it needed to fit Hizashi's personality as well.

And the first time he came back home with a huge scar on his lungs, he was so insecure ! He had removed his shirt, and had looked at his wife. ''I've got a huge scar, now... Sorry, it won't be as soft and it used to be when you'll rest your head on my chest, now.'' (Y/N) had chuckled, which made the man tilt his head. ''Hizashi, you survived. That's all that matters !'' And he had smiled at her.

The phone rang, which made (Y/N) realize she was lost in her thoughts. She stood up to answer. ''Hello ?'' What a surprise when she heard that it was the hospital. ''Mrs. Yamada ? Here is the hospital calling. We're so sorry to announce that, but your husband didn't make it.'' (Y/N) tilted her head. In which way 'didn't make it' ? ''But... his operation was planned for tomorrow ?'' The woman asked, hoping it wasn't what she thought.

''Yes, exactly. But he didn't make it to the operation. His lungs stopped working some minutes ago. We tried to wake him up, Madam, but it wasn't his heart, so-'' The poor woman that had to announce it was cut off. ''I understand. When do I get to see him ? -Well, tomorrow ?'' She nodded. ''Thank you for calling, bye.'' And she ended the call.

Then, without even thinking, she went to the kitchen. Fortunately, there was a lot of dishes to do. Actually, (Y/N) had the habit to clean everything she could when she was facing some big argument or important event. And the death of someone was something that could make her clean for hours.

So, that's what she did ; she did the dishes, then went to clean some corners of the house she had never seen before, cleaned stuffs she had cleaned already. She finally went back to the kitchen, and put the dishes -that were dry now- in the drawer. And that was it ; there wasn't any noise anymore. There wasn't any noise anymore. In Hizashi's house. She sat at the table the whole family was eating, but in front of her, there wasn't her husband anymore.

         And without any of the cleaning noises, it was a total silence that got stopped when (Y/N) screamed and started to cry. She couldn't even tell him goodbye ! And how did he feel ? Did he expect it ? Did he call for her ? She felt so guilty and it wasn't even her fault.

         Two days after, the children were back home. They didn't notice their mom's sad look on her face since they were looking for their dad. They had the habit to hug him whenever he came back from the hospital, and their mom had to calm them down before they hurt him. ''Mommy ? Where is daddy ?'' The little one said. ''Mommy, are you sad ?'' The older one said just after.

        ''My babies, daddy won't come back.'' However, they didn't seem to have understood. Or maybe they acted like they hadn't. ''The hospital wants to keep him ?'' (Y/N) gave them a sad smile. ''No. It's the sky who wants to keep him.'' They looked at each other for a minute, before the older started to talk, his voice cracking. ''He went to the sky ?'' The woman nodded, starting to cry. That's when both her children also started to cry, hugging her.

          The whole family stayed like that for long hours, until it was time to eat. The three of them weren't really hungry, but they still had to eat. And it was silent, like it had never had before. Even the tiny version of Hizashi that was the oldest child wasn't saying anything.

          After dinner, (Y/N) put her children to bed. They wanted to sleep with her -which was understandable- but she had told them she needed to do something before going to bed with them, so they didn't bother her.

            And indeed, she had something to do. She needed to turn on the radio, and listen to some podcasts that Hizashi had recorded. He had so many of them, she knew that even if she listened to one of them everyday, she would always have new ones to listen to. ''And before I'm telling you goodbye, dear listeners, I just wanna say hi to my wife ! I know she's listening, she acts like she doesn't because she hears me everyday, but I know she does. Hi baby ! And bye bye to our listeners !'' And it was also a bye bye to her, now.

me : hey I've added a new character to write for !

ppl : 🥰🥰

me : he DIES

ppl : 😔😔