#bc i started obsessing over him after that breakup

[giveafike]

kinda obsessed with the prompt of ben x fem tennis reader being together for a lil while and being the cutest couple , breaking up bc the distance hit them too hard after two straight months of different tournaments/locations, then seeing each other for the first time at a 1000 tournament, going out to dinner with the same group of people and end up going back to bens hotel room to clear the air and obvs end up in bed together realising they’re gonna have to get thru the distance cos they can’t be without each other now 😭

TLDR: tennisplayerfem!reader and ben break up bc you can't handle being away and then surprise, you can't handle being not together. Losers.

Word count + info: 10k. Am I mentally ill? This is supposed to be a blurb.. Dialogue (angst, texts, calls, conversation).

Warnings + Content Ahead: SFW! Breakup and kinda mean stuff said (nothing physical description wise). Otherwise, it's all good! (i think)

Azzie Notes ✚: SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD. AM I OKAY??? 10K?? ON A BLURB?? idrk what angst is fr chat lmk if i did that one fr idk....im a LOVER girl ok IDK HOW TO DO THIS SAD SHIT - in saying that, was part of my dialogue in this lwky..loosely based off of my ex...........maybe...

I fear I loved this prompt so bad and like...I love to yap..so...

Socials + Updates: twitter ( @azziegivesafike) - feel free to follow and msg me about non requests there, I'll be posting life updates, story + req updates and spoilers/teasers alongside other things, so it'd be nice to have a community over there!

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Shattered - B.T.S.

In the beginning, being with Ben is the kind of whirlwind you've only seen in movies, a connection that feels so natural, yet thrillingly unexpected. Well, in hindsight, that might've been a lie. It wasn't exactly love at first sight, but instead, a slow, magnetic pull that drew you together, like the tension building in a long rally. You met on the circuit, both hungry, ambitious, and dedicated to your own success. But from the start, Ben had this way of getting past your disciplined, guarded exterior with that relentless charm of his.

He’s everywhere, it seems—posting highlights from your matches on his stories, sneaking your name into press conferences, tagging you in his silly “lazy Saturday” shots where your game is always playing in the background. He flirts shamelessly, flashing that grin across the court, his voice lifting over the crowd to make some cheeky comment that leaves you stifling laughter. Your friends see it before you do: Ben is crazy about you, and soon, so is everyone else.

He flirted shamelessly and relentlessly, everywhere and anywhere, often catching you off guard in ways that left you flustered despite your best efforts to stay cool and professional. With that, you started to look out for the way his eyes would find yours in a crowd while you sat in the stands during his matches or how he would nudge you at practice with that easy, casual touch like he’s done it a thousand times before; like you belong by his side.

Once, when he's asked in an interview if he’d dedicated his recent win to anyone, he grins and looks straight across the room, making everyone laugh. “There’s someone special right now, but no need to say names, she knows.”

It’s sweet, funny and more than a little bold. Later, when you called him out for it over one of your first late-night calls, he shrugged, entirely unapologetic, telling you with that stupid drawl of his, “What? Ain’t no point hidin’ it. The world knows who my lucky charm is.”

Soon, it was you reaching out for him, your hand slipping onto his arm, leaning against him during walkouts, letting your barriers fall. And every time he catches your eye, every time he manages to make you smile, he looks at you like he’s won the lottery. His heart stammers a little each time you shove him playfully or roll your eyes at his antics. Whether it was on the bench or during changeovers, Ben would rest his hand gently on your lower back, a touch that makes you feel, just for a moment, like you're the only two people in the world.

When the rare break in your schedules comes around, you steal hours together. You grab a coffee, turning a "quick run" into a day spent together and wander around a city you barely know, or stumble upon a hidden café with pastries too flowery for your tastes. He made everything feel easier, like no matter how intense life gets, you’ll always have that balance with him. Around Ben, you can be softer, and more vulnerable; he brings out a side of you that isn’t just about winning and competing but about laughing, sharing, and letting go.

People noticed the way you look at each other, the easy affection that passes between you, the more daring and intimate PDA, sharing kisses and lingering stares. Soon, fans were shipping you openly, posting photos of you courtside, or whispering to each other when you lean close and murmur something that makes him laugh. On tour, you’re one of those “it” couples, a little slice of joy in the relentless pace of your careers. And in those early days, you both believe that together, you can take on anything. In those early days, you believed you could take on anything together. You and Ben were partners, equals, and even in the midst of a gruelling season, there had always been time for him, always a reason to smile. It felt perfect, like a love story you had stumbled into but were both entirely committed to.

But that honeymoon phase comes crashing down real quick.

As seasons shift and tournaments stretch across continents, the cracks start to show. At first, it’s just a few hours difference, but then come the miles and oceans, and the texts dwindled, conversations cut short, replaced by more missed calls than made and vague apologies. You both had tried, in every way you knew how. But eventually, the memories weren’t enough to bridge the distance. You’d catch yourself staying up just to wait for his call after practice, only to fall asleep disappointed, staring at a dark screen. And every time you woke up to a hastily sent sorry, something came up text, it felt like another tiny fracture.

Ben wasn’t the only one caught up in the chaos of your schedules; you had your own demands, too. The strain went both ways. In an attempt to keep things alive, you’d push yourself to keep up with his time zone, adding another city to your Clock app, setting alarms accordingly to his lunch and dinner times, staying awake far too late, eyes heavy as you sat alone in your hotel room, scrolling through old photos just to feel closer to him. When the call finally did come, your voice was barely more than a whisper, tired and distant, and Ben couldn't bear the exhaustion in your tone, his heart aching as he hushed you to sleep, meaning neither of you would stay on long.

It all piled up slowly, almost imperceptibly, until the weight felt crushing. Conversations became one-sided, it’s like chasing the sun itself, moments of silence replacing the laughter that had once felt endless, and that spark, the one that made you feel unstoppable together, felt further away with every day that passed.

Then came the day of your match, a game that should have been easy, one you’d normally have breezed through. But you were dragging, exhaustion wrapping itself around your every heavy, drooping step, and somewhere in the depths of your mind, a bitter thought took root:

If only he cared.

You knew it wasn’t his fault, but still, the frustration boiled over. Would things have felt different if you weren’t so alone in this? If you didn’t have to wonder when, or if, he’d remember to call? If he scheduled calls to your time for once? If he could just postpone everything for 20, 20 measly minutes for you?

A ball zips right by you, snapping you back to reality.

Lying in your hotel room that night, you stared at the ceiling, replaying the best moments of your time together like an old movie reel. In those moments, it had felt perfect. You’d believed you could take on the world, side by side, partners in everything. But now, with miles and silence separating you, you wondered if those memories were all that was left of what you once had.

But even with that ache, even with the emptiness filling the room, one thing is clear as day: loving Ben, for all its messiness, for all the distance and loneliness, had never felt like a mistake but God, was it hard. You pondered on those same irritating thoughts that itched at you until your fingers found your phone and hit the FaceTime Call button. Part of you wanted him to not pick up, knowing that you had nothing kind or sweet to say, but a small part of you wanted to dish back what he deserved.

“Hey,” he greets, his voice tense, worn. His drawl feels distant like he’s talking to you from across an ocean.

“Hey.” You can feel the iciness in your voice, colder than you intended.

“Long day?” he asks, though his expression is already tense, wary.

“Yeah. Almost lost today,” you say flatly.

Ben’s gaze flicks down. “I saw the score,” he says, his voice cautious. “Guess it was a tough match, babe.”

“It shouldn’t have been,” you snap. “But maybe it’s hard to focus when I’m barely sleeping… or constantly waiting for a text that never comes.”

He blinks, his eyes narrowing. “So this is on me?” The familiar accent is a little rougher around the edges. “You’re losin’ matches ‘cause I’m not callin’ you enough? That’s what you’re sayin’?”

“Don’t play dumb, Ben. Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about” You feel the bitterness twisting in your chest. ““You’re barely here, Ben. Half the time, I don’t even know if we’re still together or if we’re just two people sending pointless messages every few hours. Half the time, it feels like I’m talking to a ghost.”

He lets out a frustrated laugh, shaking his head. “You think it’s any easier for me? I’ve got my own stuff, my own schedule, darlin'. I’ve got my career to think about too, you know, this ain't just about you.”

Your jaw tightens. “Yeah, well, at least when I'm on the court, I don’t exactly have the luxury of tuning you out, Ben. I’m not the one who forgets to call after saying I would. I don’t have time for half-assed texts and waiting around for you to call when you feel like it.”

“Oh, don’t go there,” he mutters, rolling his eyes. “You know what it’s like. The fans, the interviews, the time spent on court-”

“Yeah, I get it, Ben. But last week, you bailed on a call to go sign autographs. Priorities, right?”

He takes a deep breath, visibly holding back. “C’mon, babe, you don’t mean that.”

But you press on, unable to stop yourself. “You’re too busy with whatever ‘big thing’ you have going on, right? Maybe if you cared enough to focus on your game instead of your ‘commitments,’ you wouldn’t have dropped that finals match. Just maybe.”

He flinches, his expression turning dark. “Oh, that's low from you, Y/N. You really wanna go there?”

“Yeah, I do,” you say, your voice unwavering.

He pauses, his face hardening. “If you were out here on the ATP tour, you’d understand how rough it really is. You wouldn't even get past a challenger. It ain’t the same league as the WTA.”

You laughed, a cold, bitter sound. “Oh, don’t even start with that. Rougher than the WTA? Is that supposed to make me feel better? Maybe come and join WTA then, you wouldn't manage it out here either, Ben.”

He snaps, his voice cutting like a whip. “You know how much I’m fightin’ to make a name for myself out here. Just ‘cause you got a few more shiny titles doesn’t mean you get to talk down to me like this.”

The sting of his words hits like a slap. Your face flushes, a mix of anger and hurt bubbling up. “So, that’s it? Just because I’ve actually earned my success, I’m some kind of… what? Nag?”

“I didn’t say that,” he shot back, voice tight, his eyes narrowing as he looked away. “But maybe you’re doin’ too much. Bein’ all… dramatic, blamin’ me for stuff I got no control over.”

“Right, okay, so I’m being dramatic,” you scoff, your voice edged with sarcasm. “I’m the one asking for too much because I want something real, something you clearly can’t give.”

He laughs, bitter and raw. “Maybe you just want too damn much.”

You feel the tears prickling behind your eyes, but you clench your jaw, holding yourself together by sheer force of will. Your voice trembles as you speak, the words thick with a pain you can’t contain. “I just want you to care, Ben, or at least pretend to care and make it believable. I want you to care enough to be here when it matters. But you’re so wrapped up in yourself, you don’t even see it.”

His face hardens, his jaw set, but his eyes hold a flicker of something unspoken. “You think I don’t care? I’m out here pushin’ myself every day, for us, for this future we’re supposed to be building 'n shit. But it’s like no matter what I do, it ain’t enough for you.”

A sharp knock sounds from his end, followed by muffled voices. He glances away, then back at you, irritation flaring in his eyes. “Look, I gotta go. Dad’s waitin’ on me; he already gave me an extra ten minutes to talk.”

You feel your heart twist, an ache of disappointment settling in. “Oh, of course,” you mutter, your voice dripping with bitterness. “Go ahead. I’m sure your training’s way more important than anything I have to say.”

He turns back, his eyes blazing with frustration. “Maybe it is right now,” he spits. “Talkin’ to you like this, all it’s doin’ is makin’ things worse. We're not getting anywhere like this-”

The words cut deeper than you expect, and you can barely hold back the surge of anger and heartbreak choking you. “Fine. Go, then. At least one of us can prioritise something.”

He scoffs, shaking his head as he looks away. “You’re bein’ unfair, 'n you know it.”

“Am I?” you whisper, your voice tight and choked. “Or am I just done waiting for you to show up?”

You stare at each other, an endless silence stretching between you, sharp and seething, words too heavy to be unsaid. Then, with a frustrated shake of his head, he mutters, “I can’t do this right now. I’ll talk to you later. When you’re not actin’ like this.”

Before you could respond, he hung up, his face disappearing from your screen, leaving you alone with nothing but the cold light of your phone. Your hands shook as you stared at the blank screen, tears finally spilling over.

With trembling fingers, you took a breath, letting a cold, steely calm settle over you. You typed out a simple, blunt message, leaving no room for second-guessing, no room for soft words or explanations. Just the truth, as raw as you felt.

“We’re done. I can’t do this anymore, Ben. I’m sorry.”

Your thumb lingered for a second before hitting “send,” and as soon as the message went through, you blocked him on every platform, cutting off any way for him to respond, to apologise, to convince you otherwise.

But as you tossed your phone aside, a crack appeared in the calm you’d forced on yourself. The tears came suddenly, your breath hitching as a tidal wave of heartbreak surged through you. You buried your face in your hands, pressing your palms against your eyes as if you could somehow contain the emotions clawing their way to the surface. You tried to stay quiet, muffling the sound in the dark, but the weight was too much, every sob raw, grieving and heavy, pouring out the frustration, the loneliness, and the love you’d tried so hard to salvage.

By the time your tears subsided, you felt utterly drained, hollowed out in a way that made everything around you feel distant and surreal. The city lights flickered outside your window, the glow indifferent to the storm that had torn through you. And in that quiet, broken moment, with only the shadows as company, you lay there, letting the exhaustion seep through your bones until sleep claimed you.

When sleep finally came, it was restless, fractured. You tossed and turned, flashes of memories from better days with Ben haunting you, the sound of his laugh, the way he’d smile, gummy and wide, his nose scrunching with that easy confidence. You woke up more exhausted than when you’d closed your eyes, feeling like you hadn’t rested at all. But you forced yourself out of bed, pushing yourself through your pre-game routine, your emotions locked away, frozen under layers of determination.

As you walked onto the court, the crowd buzzed with excitement, but you barely registered it. You were a storm, calm on the surface but seething underneath. Every shot you took was hard and brutal, the ball slicing through the air with an intensity that made your opponent flinch, the impact echoing through the stadium. You played as if your life depended on it, your body moving with sharp, lethal precision.

Your serves were relentless, your groundstrokes vicious, each one faster, sharper, as if each shot were a way to expel the anger and hurt still simmering in your chest. The crowd murmured, noticing the shift in your energy, the way you were pushing yourself, almost recklessly. A couple of times, your shots zipped past your opponent’s hand, barely missing, almost daring her to try and reach for it - "try me". You were untouchable, unstoppable, playing like you had something to prove.

But there was no smile, no hint of joy in your movements, solely mechanical. The usual lightness in your footwork was gone, replaced by a cold, ruthless efficiency. You’d already decided: this match was yours. You weren’t here to give an inch, weren’t here to let any lingering emotions cloud your focus. The crowd might have wanted excitement, but you were giving them precision, a display of control and fury that left no room for doubt.

You won, of course. Your opponent barely had a chance. But as you walked off the court, sweat trickling down your brow, fists clenched, you felt no thrill in the victory. Just the dull ache that lingered, a hollow space where your lightness, your smile, used to be. The heat of the court only made your head throb. The applause faded into background noise as you strode away, head high, shoulders tense. You’d won, but it felt like a hollow victory. You had no one to text after your game, anyone to call you baby - you had done it to yourself, were you really that desperate for a man to validate you? You were sick of feeling this way, sick of the exhaustion, the anger, the loneliness that clung to you even after everything you’d given today. At least, for now, you’d proven something, to yourself, to him, even if he’d never know, or care.

In the month that followed, you threw yourself harshly into your schedule, determined to erase any trace of him from your routine, your heart. Matches, training, travel, interviews, photoshoots, more matches, each day bled into the next, filled with an almost mechanical sense of purpose. If you weren’t on the court, you were working out, perfecting your strokes, spending hours on serves and footwork. Anything to exhaust yourself to stop the thoughts from lingering too long. Your routine was relentless, your focus razor-sharp.

But even in this frenzy, despite it all, reminders of him still slipped through. You’d scroll through social media, and every so often, an ATP post would pop up: Ben at a tournament, Ben celebrating a point, Ben grinning with that easy charm that used to make your heart ache. He looked different now. His curls were longer, spilling out from over his sweaty headband, and his frame had hardened, leaner, with muscle that seemed to outline his strength in sharper lines. His chubby cheeks had slimmed down into something harder, replaced by the quiet confidence of someone who’d grown, adapted, maybe even suffered a little.

And you could almost feel it, the quaking, gaping pain of missing him, but you’d swallow it back down, pull yourself together, and look away.

Your own press conferences became something else entirely. You were more composed, a bit sharper with your words, confident in a way you hadn’t been before. Where you used to smile shyly or laugh softly, now you leaned in with humour, a hint of flirtation, your charm more self-assured. You handled reporters’ questions deftly, especially the ones that tried to pry about Ben. The same questions came up over and over:

“So, do you still keep in touch with Ben?”

Each time, you’d respond with a practised, cool smile. “Right now, I’ve got all the support I need from my team and the people I have with me.” You’d turn the conversation to your work, your skill, and your grind on the court, dismissing the topic with subtle elegance, always steering it back to your goals, your game, and your people.

Yet, away from the cameras, the facade cracked, if only slightly. Sometimes, after a long match or a particularly brutal day of training, you’d find yourself scrolling through your old photos or feeling tears prickling your eyes, this messy situation taking a bigger toll than you would like to admit.

In his hotel room, Ben watched your interviews alone, a faint crease between his brows. There you were, in all your brilliance, flashing a confident smile at the camera, handling the press with a wit and boldness that felt both familiar and strange. He could see the way you’d grown, the way you’d steeled yourself, and it stirred something in him, a pang he couldn’t ignore. It was like watching someone he knew intimately and yet… not at all. The way you answered questions about him, and your subtle redirection to your career and team, it stung. Maybe it was petty, but he missed the way you used to talk about him with such pride, with that lovestruck glow. He loved seeing how shy you would get at the sheer mention of his name. Your hair was different, your skin glowing, you had more confidence, even if it came off a bit cocky but he still felt like you were his, just as much as he was yours. Ben didn’t know how to reach out, didn’t know what he’d even say. There was a distance now, both physical and emotional, that seemed impossible to bridge. He’d scroll through his own phone sometimes, finding old messages, ones before distance got the better of you both, photos of the two of you, half-written scripts in his Notes app he couldn’t bring himself to deliver. If he flew out tonight to you, what would he even do after? He’d think of calling you, of reaching out somehow, but the memory of your last fight, the bitterness in your voice, the way you’d shut him out… it held him back.

One evening, as you sat alone in the players' lounge, your forehead pressed against the back of the sofa, you felt that familiar ache pulse through you, the one that came every time you thought of him. It was then that Coco came by, her familiar, steady presence filling the room as she settled down across from you, cross-legged on the seat in front of you. Over the past year, it was Ben that introduced you but, you and Coco had grown even closer, bound not just by shared victories and losses but by the pressures only someone like her could truly understand.

Coco tilted her head, her gaze warm but unwavering. “Alright,” she said, cutting through the silence. “What’s really going on? Are you… over him?”

You exhaled slowly, running a hand through your hair as you tried to gather your thoughts. “I wish I could say yes,” you murmured. “I’ve tried. I’ve tried to move on, focus on the game, on everything else, but… he’s still everywhere. Even when I’m doing well, even when I’m focused, it’s like… something’s missing.” Your voice dropped to barely a whisper. “It’s like I can’t fully shake him.”

Coco nodded, her expression both sympathetic and knowing. “I get it. You two had something real, something intense. But maybe this time apart is what you both need. I mean, look at you. You’re stronger now, on and off the court. Maybe that’s part of this whole journey, you know?”

You managed a faint smile, though your heart still felt heavy. “Yeah. I guess you’re right. It just… doesn’t always feel like enough.”

She reached out, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. “Trust me. If he’s the right guy, he’ll figure it out, too. Until then? Focus on your game. Focus on you.”

Her words stayed with you, offering a small but steady comfort in the days that followed. You have been throwing yourself into training, pouring everything into the sport, trying to find solace in each match and each moment of growth. Somewhere out there, he was doing the same, and maybe, just maybe, this was what was best.

But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t completely smother the small spark of hope, that someday, somehow, your paths might cross again.

It was similar in the men’s locker room, Ben slumped forward on the bench, his elbows propped on his knees as he stared blankly at the floor, holding an uncapped bottle of water. Frances Tiafoe, who’d been eyeing him from across the room, exchanged a knowing glance with Taylor Fritz before making his way over.

“Alright, bro, spill it,” Frances said, tossing a towel over his shoulder as he leaned in. “You’ve been lookin’ like you’re living in some sad dog for weeks.”

Ben gave him a sidelong glance. “There’s nothin’ to talk about.”

Taylor rolled his eyes as he joined them, settling down on the other side of Ben. “Come on, man. We’re not blind. Ever since she blocked you, you’ve been… different.”

Ben scoffed, looking away, his voice low. “She didn’t just block me, man. She… she threw down, real hard. Said some things I thought she’d never say.”

Frances let out a low whistle. “Was that rough, huh?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, rubbing a hand over his face, his frustration mingling with regret. “It all just blew up. We were on a call, talkin’ like usual, and suddenly… it was like everything we hadn’t said just came out. She starts throwin’ things at me about how I’m not there, like… like I don’t care enough or not workin' hard enough. And it pissed me off, you know? I work just as hard, and it’s not like I’m sittin’ around, right?”

Taylor nodded, leaning back against the lockers. “So, what’d you do?”

Ben shrugged, his expression pained. “I pushed back, told her she couldn’t keep actin’ like she’s the only one workin’ for this. Told her ATP is just as tough, maybe even more competitive. Didn’t mean it that way, but she took it wrong. She thought I was tryin’ to downplay her game.”

Frances shook his head, giving Ben a sympathetic look. “Man, she must’ve felt hurt.”

“Yeah,” Ben muttered, a bitter laugh escaping him. “And next thing I know, I get this text. ‘This isn’t workin', we’re done.’ Blocked me on everything. Cold as ice, man. It’s like she flipped a switch, just… shut me out completely, as easy as shuttin' a door.”

Frances gave him a gentle nudge. “You still care about her?”

Ben’s gaze softened, a faint smile breaking through his frustration. “Yeah, man. She’s… she’s my girl. Even if she’s not my girl right now, you know?”

Taylor chuckled, nodding. “So, what’re you gonna do about it? Sit around here moping, or actually make a move?”

Ben sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “What am I supposed to do? She’s made it pretty clear she’s done with me.”

Frances grinned, crossing his arms. “Bro, just ‘cause she blocked you and sent a text after you called her game easy, doesn’t mean it’s over. She’s mad, yeah, but she’s probably missin’ you just as much. You just gotta show her you’re willin’ to do what it takes.”

Taylor nodded in agreement, a slight smile tugging at his lips. “And it doesn’t have to be some big romantic gesture, man. Sometimes, it’s the small things. Something to let her know you’re still thinkin’ of her, still care. You know where we're at next, right?”

Ben chuckled, shaking his head. “And do what? Just show up at her hotel room? She’s liable to call cops on my ass for that shit, bro.”

Frances laughed, shrugging. “So what? At least she’ll know you tried! Don't go doin' that though. Look, I’ve been with my girl for years now, and sometimes, you gotta be willing to look like a fool to show her you care.”

Ben leaned back, their words sinking in. He could still feel the sting of the things she’d said, the accusations she’d thrown at him like he didn’t care, didn’t work just as hard. But he couldn’t deny that he’d made mistakes, too. He’d let his pride get in the way, said things he regretted, and let the frustration of it all get the better of him.

Frances nudged him again, his grin widening. “Think about it, man. You got two choices: sit here, feeling sorry for yourself until she finds some other guy, or actually do something about it and get her back, even if that means standing in the rain with a fuckin' speaker.”

Ben finally cracked a smile, looking between his friends. “Y’all are ridiculous.”

“Hey, maybe,” Taylor said with a shrug. “But at least we got girlfriends. And you? You got a chance to get yours back. Just gotta decide if she’s worth it.”

Ben sat there, mulling over their words as a new determination started to burn within him. Maybe he didn’t have all the answers, and maybe there was a lot he’d have to figure out. But if there was even a chance to fix things, to bridge that gap that felt so wide, he wasn’t about to let his pride hold him back.

As he left the locker room that night, he felt a resolve solidify within him. He’d find a way to reach out, to let her know that no matter how far apart they were, she was still the one he wanted. Because when it came down to it, she was worth every bit of the fight.

A week went by before a 1000 game flew in, and both ATP and WTA were present if not, nearby for the games. You couldn't care less what was at stake, anything was a win if it kept you occupied. The courts were almost empty, shadows lengthening as the sun beamed high above. You bounced the ball steadily, the rhythm calm, your focus laser-sharp. The only sounds were the muted thud of your shoes on the court, and your breath falling into sync with the beat of your earbuds. Nothing but you, the court, and the quiet.

But then, that voice broke through.

"Aw, c'mon, man!" A laugh, deep and full of that unmistakable Southern drawl. Your grip faltered, the ball hovering mid-toss. That laugh, it was a sound you hadn’t let yourself think about for months, one that held too much of him.

Ben.

Your pulse jolted, the memories flooding back, warmth and bitterness tangled in the knots of your chest. You gritted your teeth, tossing the ball high before slamming it against the court, the crack of impact sharp in the quiet. It almost felt satisfying, like you could obliterate the tension he brought, shatter it with sheer force.

Almost.

You readied another serve, the ball bouncing harder than necessary as you forced yourself not to look. But you could feel his gaze, that familiar weight of his eyes lingering on you. The pull was magnetic, almost maddening, and despite every ounce of resolve you’d built up, your gaze betrayed you, slipping over to catch a glimpse of him.

Ben, laughing with Taylor, curls tousled longer than before, his hoodie slung carelessly over those familiar, ridiculous short shorts. The same hoodie you'd worn too many times to count, drowning in its warmth during late-night snack runs and lazy Sundays. The sight tugged painfully, a cruel reminder of the little things you’d pushed down, tried to forget.

He caught you looking, and his laughter faded, his gaze holding yours for just a second too long. You gripped the ball tighter, the ache settling heavy, and forced yourself to turn away, channelling the flurry of memories into another sharp serve, a fierce crack reverberating across the court. You didn’t look back again.

Hours later, your body was tired, your mind a bit clearer. You were scrolling through your phone in the lounge, zoning out, when Coco dropped down beside you with that familiar, mischievous grin.

"Hey, you!" She nudged you, hands on her hips.

You eyed her warily. "What’s up, Coco? Awfully perky for...5:30p.m."

“We’re having dinner tonight. Big group. Wanna come?” Her tone was casual, a little too casual.

Your guard went up immediately as you dropped your phone to your lap. “Who’s ‘we all’?”

Coco shrugged, twirling a loose curl around her finger. “Me, Frances, Arthur… maybe another WTA girl or two. Just a fun little dinner. Nothing formal.”

You narrowed your eyes, reading the glint of mischief in hers. "Coco, don’t mess with me. He's not gonna be there, right?"

She tilted her head, pretending to look innocent, but the sly smile gave her away. "Well… he might show up, but that's on his own accord. I didn't mention anything to Ben and it’s not like anyone’s setting anything up! It’s just dinner."

Your stomach twisted, a sigh slipping from your lips as you looked away. “I don’t think so. Not after… everything.” Your voice softened the weight of old arguments and unsaid things hanging between the words.

Coco’s face softened, her hand finding your shoulder. “Look, I’m not saying you have to sit next to him or anything. It’s a big table. You can stay on the opposite end and ignore him if that’s what you need. But everyone misses you, it’s been ages since we all got together. We all need to see your pretty face off the court too, ya know?”

You hesitated, rolling your eyes, the ache of missing them settling somewhere deep, the sense of family you hadn’t felt in months tugging at you. After a long pause, you finally nodded, rolling your shoulders back as if bracing for a match. “Fine. But I’m serious, Coco, no funny business. If he starts anything, I’m out.”

Coco grinned, throwing her arm around you. “Girl, trust me. If anything, you’ll be giving him the funny looks. Just friends, no drama. Now, let’s go get you out of those sweats.”

Meanwhile, in the locker room across the court, Ben was doing his best to act indifferent as Frances nudged him for the third time.

"C'mon, man!" Frances said, leaning against the lockers with a knowing grin. "So you are coming to this dinner tonight, right? Don't make me beg again, I'll start singing.”

Ben tried to play it cool, leaning back with his arms crossed. “I don’t know, man. You really think it’s a good idea?”

Frances rolled his eyes. “Look, you’ve been moping for months. She’s not gonna make a scene in public, and especially not with all of us, and who knows? Maybe she’ll talk to you, be all civil. It’s worth a shot.”

Ben let out a huff, rubbing the back of his neck. “Civil? You remember the last time we spoke, right? She has me blocked on everything.”

Taylor, stretching nearby, smirked and chimed in. “Man, you got nothin’ to lose. At the very least, you’ll see her. I saw how you were after you caught a glimpse of her training earlier. Besides, Frances and Coco will keep her from killin’ you.”

“Kay, thanks,” Ben muttered, though a flicker of hope sparked under the sarcasm. He didn’t want to admit it, but he couldn’t shake the longing to see her again, to maybe fix even a sliver of what had been broken.

Taylor nudged him, grinning. “Hey, listen, if I wasn’t taking Morgan out tonight, I’d be there just for moral support. But hey, maybe next time it’ll be a double date. Me, you, Morgan and your soon-to-be girlfriend, just like old times.”

Ben shook his head, the thought both terrifying and oddly thrilling. “You’re jokin’, right? She’d probably throw her drink at me before she’d sit through a double date.”

“Only if you act like an idiot,” Frances pointed out, laughing. “Just be yourself, man. You can handle the heat on the court, you can handle this. And maybe tonight’ll be the thing that finally breaks the ice.”

Ben sighed, running a hand over his face before finally surrendering. “Alright, alright. Fine. I’ll go. But Frances, don’t expect me to be all… chatty.”

Frances clapped him on the back, a glimmer of excitement in his eyes. “Yeah, you say that now. But I know how you get around her, man. Just don’t chicken out. Remember, we got your back.”

Ben couldn’t help but smile nervously, feeling a strange mix of dread and anticipation tighten in his chest. He wasn’t sure if this dinner would be a chance at redemption or just a painful reminder of how far they’d drifted, but one thing was clear, he was tired of hiding from whatever was left between them.

You walk into the restaurant and let Coco lead you to a long table, feeling an odd mix of nerves and determination fluttering in your stomach. Your outfit is cute but simple, just a sweater and leggings; just enough effort to feel put together without trying too hard. You take a seat between Coco and Arthur Fils, with Frances across from you. There’s an empty chair across from Arthur, and for some reason, that empty space makes your heart beat a little faster, feeling torn between wanting and avoiding Ben there.

As everyone settles in, you catch Coco’s eye and mutter, “Please tell me he’s not actually coming.” She just shrugs with an easy smile.

Moments later, as the group banters along, about to order drinks, Ben strolls in, catching you entirely off-guard. He’s slightly out of breath, apologising to the group with that familiar grin, explaining he’s late because he’d just finished showering after practice. You can’t help it, you nudge Coco under the table, whispering through gritted teeth, a frustrated, “Great.”

Coco just gives him a casual greeting, and you force yourself to turn back to the table, focusing your attention on ordering a glass of wine, pretending not to notice him as he takes that empty seat across from Arthur, just barely within your view, diagonally. But as he sits down, you feel his eyes on you, and for a brief moment, you glance up and catch him staring, his face almost dazed.

You’re caught off-guard by the look in his eyes. His breath seems to hitch, his big brown eyes wide and you can see a faint blush creeping up his neck as he stares at you, almost like he’s seeing you for the first time all over again. There’s a softness in his expression that you weren’t prepared for, a kind of awe that makes your stomach twist with memories and longing. But just as quickly, you look away, turning your attention to your wine as Frances elbows Ben with a teasing hiss, “Be normal, man.”

Throughout the night, you manage to keep to yourself, mostly talking to the other WTA players or Arthur whenever he cracks a joke. You keep Ben at the edge of your vision, resolute in ignoring the way his gaze keeps drifting back to you.

Every once in a while, Ben attempts to draw you into the conversation, maybe a lighthearted comment or a direct question, but each time, you meet his gaze with a steely look, making it clear with just one glance that you’re not interested. When he tries again, you let your eyes meet his for a moment, long enough to show him you’re serious before turning away, cutting off his effort entirely, almost to say "not interested". Across the table, Frances raises his brows, murmuring with a barely hidden smirk, “Damn, she is good at this,” as Ben slouches slightly, clearly trying not to look embarrassed.

As dinner winds down, the plates are cleared away, and you excuse yourself to the bathroom, needing a moment alone. Inside, you take a deep breath, facing yourself in the mirror. You’d been bracing yourself for tonight, but nothing quite prepared you for how it would feel to see him sitting right there, looking at you with those big sweet brown eyes and a pout, filled with that same soft pleading that used to make you melt.

But tonight, all it did was remind you of those late nights waiting by your phone, checking it over and over for messages that came slower and slower until they just…stopped. It reminds you of the countless hours wondering if you mattered as much as you thought you did, replaying his empty promises and half-hearted reassurances that seemed to fade with each passing day. He couldn't expect you to take him back with a pout and some half-assed joke. But damn, was it a good attempt, he knew how to make you crumble, even if it wasn't his sole intention.

You force yourself to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear as you look in the bathroom mirror examining yourself with a sigh, applying a bit of lip balm with fingers that tremble just slightly. Anything to distract yourself, to remind yourself that you’re strong enough to face this without breaking, reminding yourself to keep that mask on. You straighten your posture, determined to push all those memories back down where they belong, buried.

But just as you step out of the bathroom, Ben is standing right there, leaning against the wall as if he’d been waiting for you. His eyes soften the moment they meet yours, and he opens his mouth, his voice just a whisper. “Can we…talk? Just the two of us?”

The look he gives you, hopeful, no, desperate, stirs something deep inside you, and you clench your jaw, wanting to say no, wanting to walk away without a second thought. But as much as you’d like to ignore it, part of you still aches for some kind of closure, maybe even just one honest conversation.

With a reluctant sigh, you nod. “Fine. Outside.”

As you head out the restaurant’s door, you quickly fire off a text to Coco:

me n Ben talking outside. brb.

You stuff your phone back into your bag, clutching it tightly to your shoulder as you step into the cool night air. Wrapping your arms under your chest, you try to keep yourself shielded from more than just the chilling breeze.

Ben falls into step beside you, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. There’s a moment of silence as you both find your footing, the quiet thick with everything that’s been left unsaid. You glance sideways, catching him opening his mouth like he’s about to say something, only to close it, his shoulders shifting awkwardly.

“So… how’s the tournament going for you?” he starts, his tone casual, a little too casual.

You blink, trying not to roll your eyes, feeling the irritation growing. Really? But you bite back and just sternly say, “Ben.”

He rubs the back of his neck, glancing up at the streetlights overhead. “Sorry, yeah, that was- uh, okay.” He lets out a breath and shuffles closer, his voice almost a murmur. “I just… I wanna make this right. Another chance- Just thought maybe… you know, talkin’ would be easier if…”

“Ben, stop.” You sigh, tightening your grip on your bag strap. “Stop being weird. Just… just say what you have to say, and let’s get this over with. Let's not make this longer than it needs to be, I've got shit to do tomorrow.”

He glances at you, brows knitting together. For a second, he looks almost frustrated, like he’s holding back something sharper, something rougher. But he lets it pass, letting out a long, resigned breath. “Fine. I’ll just ask one thing.”

You arch an eyebrow, scepticism thick in your voice. “One question. Shoot.”

His voice comes out softer, edged with a hesitant curiosity as if he knows it’s a stupid question but can’t help but ask. “What hotel you stayin’ at?”

You let out a dry chuckle, shaking your head. “The Merrion.”

His eyes widen slightly, a small, stupid smile breaking on his face. “No way… me too.”

You sigh, looking up at the night sky, feeling the inevitability of whatever this night is becoming. Of course, he’s at the same hotel. Only Ben could make the universe align like this. And only Ben would think of a stupid question like that. He shifts his weight, stepping closer, his gaze steady.

“Look,” he starts, “it’s just a short walk back, twenty minutes or so. Just… give me that time. Just enough to walk back. Let me talk. And then you can go to your room and go to bed. How 'bout it?”

There’s a hopeful edge in his voice that you can’t ignore, and for a moment, your resolve falters. It’s ridiculous, this is exactly the sort of thing he would come up with, some half-baked plan to get you to keep listening, to keep him around just a little longer. You want to roll your eyes, to brush him off, but something about the way he’s looking at you, those earnest, brown eyes so damn full of longing, makes you sigh.

“Fine,” you mutter. “But if you get weird again, I’m out. No small talk, you know how much I hate it.”

A small grin creeps onto his face, and he falls into step beside you, a little closer than necessary, his arm brushing against yours as you start down the quiet street. For a minute, he doesn’t say anything, just walks alongside you, letting the silence settle around you both. But then, in that familiar southern drawl, his voice comes softer.

“Y’know, I've been thinkin’ ‘bout us a lot… probably more than I should.”

You keep your eyes on the sidewalk ahead, willing yourself to stay unmoved. “And?”

He swallows, his gaze tracing your profile, softening with each word. “I messed up,” he admits. “I know I did. I shoulda… been there more, answered more, I dunno. Shoulda been better at handlin’ it.”

You nod slightly, keeping your face blank. “Mhm, you should've.”

There’s a flicker of frustration in his expression, but he doesn’t let it throw him off. “You think I didn’t feel it too? That whole time, it felt like- hell, like I was losin’ you, like somethin’ was slippin’ right outta my hands, and I couldn’t do nothin’ to stop it.”

You feel the tension in your shoulders loosen just a fraction, though you keep your arms folded as a kind of armour. His words settle into the silence, raw and rough, and you can feel him glancing over, waiting for some kind of response. But you keep your gaze forward, biting back the little stirrings of emotion that are beginning to creep in.

He keeps talking, voice low and steady, drawing you in without giving you a chance to look away. “I’m not tryin’ to make excuses, alright? I know I coulda tried harder. But it’s like… the more I tried, the harder it got. The distance, the time zones, the schedules… it all just made me feel like I couldn’t keep up. And I just didn't know how to juggle it and that's my fault.”

You shake your head slightly, finally glancing over at him, the faintest of smirks tugging at the corner of your mouth. “So this is your way of apologising?”

He laughs, a little sheepish. “Guess I’m not real good at it, huh?” He nudges you with his shoulder, a familiar, easy gesture that makes your arms slowly loosen. His hand brushes your arm, just for a second, and a warmth blooms where his fingers graze your skin as if your body’s memory of him can’t help but respond.

“Look,” he says, his voice dipping softer, “I just… I miss you so much. Like hell.”

The honesty in his tone hits you hard, unravelling the cold exterior you’ve worked so hard to keep up. He keeps his eyes on you, watching your face carefully as if gauging your reaction. You feel your resolve slipping even more, your arms slowly falling to your sides, your heart aching as you fight against the wave of warmth that’s threatening to break through.

“Ben…” you start, barely a whisper, but you don’t know what to say, feeling torn.

He moves a little closer, his eyes wide, pleading, like he’s trying to hold onto every inch of you he can. “I know I messed up, okay? But I don’t wanna lose you. Not for good. Please, Y/N. Give me one more chance, you won't regret it 'n if I fuck up bad, you can do whatever, however; I deserve it but please. Just one more chance.”

You press your lips tight together, feeling your heart tighten as his words sink in, as he stands there looking at you with that same vulnerability you’d once fallen in love with. For a second, you forget the hurt, the sleepless nights, and you’re left with just him, the version of him that’s open, sincere, the Ben you’d once held so close.

The walk to the hotel stretches out as he keeps talking, spilling out and laying his heart bare with that easy, boyish charm that only he can pull off, and little by little, you feel your icy exterior start to melt. He talks about his time away from you, how he admired you from videos, watched highlight reels, his endless hours at night going through photos and texts; the whole lot. He cracks a joke, and despite yourself, you smile, trying to hide it but failing. He nudges you again, grinning as he sees the hint of laughter breaking through your guard.

He apologises over and over, more earnestly each time, his voice steady and low, and you can hear the regret, the guilt, the need to make things right. By the time you reach the hotel entrance, you’re feeling something dangerously close to hope, your heart betraying you, making it harder and harder to keep up the facade.

You glance over at him, catching the way his eyes soften as he looks at you as if you’re the only thing he can see. He’s staring, the blush from earlier creeping back up his neck, and when his hand brushes yours one last time, you don’t pull away.

You stand just outside the hotel, a faint chill brushing past as the streetlights cast a warm glow around you. You shift on your feet, glancing up at him, your eyes soft but determined.

“Can I talk?” you ask, breaking the quiet, your voice barely above a whisper. The first thing you had actually said this entire time.

Ben raises an eyebrow, leaning in with a playful smirk. “Talk? What else have we been doin’ for the last twenty minutes, girl?”

You roll your eyes and reach out to smack his arm, earning a chuckle from him. “Fine then. Can we go up to your room?” you add, a small, daring smile tugging at your lips.

Ben’s eyebrow quirks higher. “My room, huh?” His gaze narrows, teasing you with that familiar glint. “What exactly ya got planned, sweetheart?”

You swat him again, harder this time, and he laughs, raising his hands in mock defence. But then you drop the smile, your voice softer. “I wanna talk about what I did, Ben. I messed up too.”

The teasing fades from his expression as he studies your face, searching. After a pause, he nods and gestures toward the lobby. “Alright, then. Let’s go talk.”

In the elevator, silence hangs thick in the air, tension as familiar as it is unspoken. You don't even notice, spending your time stilling your breath and running through everything you want to apologise for. When you reach his room, you head over to the small couch by the window and settle in, tucking your legs under you and giving him a steady look.

“Ya gettin’ comfortable already?” he jokes, leaning against the wall, his eyes dancing with that old spark that makes you ache.

You try not to smile, steeling yourself for your confessional. “Can you be serious for a minute?”

His smile fades as he walks over, sitting across from you, his gaze intense and focused. You take a deep breath, feeling the weight of everything you’ve held back.

“I shouldn’t have put so many expectations on you,” you begin, your voice wavering. “You’ve got your own life, your own competitions, your own dreams. All this constant travelling, the different time zones… it’s not fair to expect you to be there every time I needed you at the drop of a hat. You get burnt out too- God. I never even asked how you were before I'd launch into my own day.”

You bite your lip, blinking back tears as they start to blur your vision. “I should’ve known better. I should’ve been more understanding, given you more grace.” Your voice catches, barely a whisper now. “And what I said… on that call… it was cruel, Ben. I was mean and unfair, and you didn’t deserve that. You didn’t deserve any of it. At all. I wouldn't want myself back after all I had said and done.”

As a tear slips down your cheek, Ben’s face softens, and he reaches out without hesitation, his hands cupping your face as he brushes the tear away. His thumb lingers on your skin, his gaze is unwavering, and then he leans forward, pressing the gentlest kiss to your temple, another to your forehead, and a final one at the crown of your head, his hand resting tenderly against your hair.

You let out a shuddered breath, your hands covering his as you finally let everything pour out. “I miss you so much,” you whisper, your voice breaking. “I miss everything about you… the way you laugh, your ridiculous voice…” Another tear rolls down, and you don’t try to hold back. “I miss the way you’d talk about cars or food for ages, and you’d make everything feel so normal, even when my life was a mess. Without you, it’s like this haze I can’t shake. I just… I miss you. I barely recognise myself these days.”

Your body shakes with the sobs you’ve tried so hard to bury, and Ben doesn’t hesitate. He pulls you close, wrapping you in his arms like he could shield you from all the pain, all the regret. He holds you there, one hand smoothing over your hair, his lips pressing soft, tender kisses to your forehead and cheeks, murmuring gentle words against your skin.

“S’all right, darlin’,” he whispers, his voice thick with emotion. “I’m here. I’m right here with you.”

You cling to him, burying your face into the crook of his neck, as his hands trace soothing circles along your back. Your sobs gradually quiet, but your breaths are still shaky, each exhale unsteady.

“I’m so sorry, Ben,” you manage, voice barely audible.

He pulls back just enough to meet your gaze, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “Hey now,” he murmurs, his tone warm and grounding. “We both made mistakes. Ain’t just on you, alright? Takes two to mess up, but it takes two to fix it too. We can fix, can't we?”

You nod, your fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, feeling a little of the weight lift, softened by his words.

Ben tilts your head to hold your gaze, his own eyes glassy. “Can’t tell ya how many times I thought about callin’ ya or flying to ya,” he admits, his voice low. “How many times I’d pull up your name, wonderin’ what you’d say if I told ya all the things I wished I’d said. But I was… hell, I was scared, darlin’. Thought maybe I’d screwed up too bad, and you’d moved on.”

You shake your head, a small, breathy laugh escaping. “I couldn’t...I could never.”

He strokes your hair gently, his lips brushing your forehead once more. “Guess we’re both a couple of fools then, huh?”

You laugh softly, the sound wet and trembling as he pulls you back into his arms. You lean into him, letting yourself feel the warmth of his embrace, the steady beat of his heart, grounding you. Wrapped in the quiet, tangled together, you both hold on a little tighter, feeling the rawness of your honesty and the comfort of finally, finally being close again. In the safety of his arms, you feel, for the first time in so long, a sense of peace, letting the unspoken words settle around you like a quiet promise.

Ben’s hand rests on your cheek, his thumb tracing small circles as he learns your face all over again, making your heart flutter. His fingers move slowly, grazing down to your jaw, then up again, threading into your hair. You let your eyes close for a moment, his gentle touch working its way through the tension of the night, and a small, contented sigh escapes you. For the first time in weeks, you feel relaxed and content.

“Gettin’ comfortable, huh?” he murmurs, his voice low and teasing, though there’s a warmth in his eyes that wasn’t there before. He leans in, giving one final push to a stray strand of your hair before tilting his head toward the bed across the room. “C’mon, darlin’. This couch is barely holdin’ us together.”

You hesitate, but Ben’s already moving, holding out his hand as he stands up. His grip is strong, guiding you as you follow him to the bed, and he lets out a soft chuckle as you settle beside him. His arm drapes around you, pulling you close as you lean into him, feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest against you. The warmth is so consuming, cocooning you immediately.

Ben smiles down at you, a playful glint in his eye, and as his fingers find your hair again, he starts twirling a strand between his fingers. “So,” he murmurs, resting his cheek on the top of your head, “ya still gonna keep me blocked, huh?”

You roll your eyes, smirking. “Fine,” you reply, unlocking your phone with a playful huff. You find his name, well, technically his new contact name since you’d deleted him in a fit of anger, and type a single white heart emoji, pressing send.

The vibration of his phone buzzes beside him, and he pulls it out with a grin, holding up the glowing screen. “There it is. Knew ya couldn’t resist me,” he says, laughing as he pulls you in close as he kisses your temple.

But just as you relax against him, you notice a missed notification. It’s a text from Coco, her reply to your earlier message asking where she’d disappeared to after dinner. You hesitate, then, instead of texting back, you tap the Facetime icon, feeling a strange urge to share this quiet moment, finding words couldn't suffice, nor were you in the mood to type out a lengthy paragraph.

The call connects, and Coco’s face appears, a gasp escaping her as she spots you two tangled up in Ben’s bed, nestled together with his arm around you.

“Oh my god! Yes!” she cheers, loud enough to make Ben chuckle. You hear laughter and cheers in the background too, and Coco turns the camera, revealing the whole dinner table watching with knowing smiles.

"Coco, this was a set-up plan, huh?" you giggle as you see the entire friend group on the other end.

"Somewhat, but blame Morgan and Taylor, not me. They did all that," she throws the blame as she points the camera over to them. Frances, Morgan and Taylor wave and Frances yells “Look at Ben! Already got her in bed, huh?”

Ben rolls his eyes, but a faint blush colours his cheeks. He pulls you closer, his hand resting protectively around your shoulders as he grins.

“Hey now,” he says, his voice low and sincere. “This one’s special. Ain’t like any other. My lucky charm.”

You feel your heart skip a beat at his words, and you’re so focused on him that you barely notice Coco and the others making gagging noises before Ben reaches out, ending the call on your phone with a smirk. Then he turns back to you, his eyes soft, filled with something that feels dangerously like forever.

He leans in, his lips finding yours in a kiss that’s slow and tender, each second lingering with quiet promises. And in the warmth of his arms, your heart finally feels at home, exactly where it belongs.

[sirenlulls]

get him back! → theburntchip

pairing , theburntchip x youtuber!reader

summary , where, in lieu of yours and chip’s reconnection, fans find out how it happened, and just why you ended things in the first place.

part one (bad idea, right?)

oh, i wanna get him back! 'cause then again, i really miss him, and it makes me real sad

🔴 Y/n L/n Talks On Breakup, Reconnection, The Launch Of Her Brand, & More! FULL POD EP.77 -Saving Grace

join premiere!

LIVE CHAT !

user: stop i’m actually gonna cry ☹️☹️☹️

user: I KNEW THOSE TWITTER B WORDS WERE WRONG I KNEW THEY DIDNT END BADLY

user: that’s so lala land of them

user: “if i ever complained, i’d be the nagging girlfriend” NO BABY 😭😭😭😭

user: never thought i’d say it but i’m glad they broke up bcs if they hadn’t done it then, it would’ve been MESSY messy

user: off topic but can we please talk about how pretty she is :(

user: “if he ever complained about you, i would’ve given him a belting” YES GRACE 👏👏👏

user: WHY DIDNT WE GET Y/N ON HERE SOONER OMGGGGGG I LOVE THIS DUO SM

user: Sending love from Brazil! XX 🇧🇷🇧🇷❤️❤️

user: stop that’s so sad ☹️

user: she’s so real for the anxiety thing

LIVE CHAT !

user: i feel like i’m watching a tv show

user: “i don’t want to lose this again” and when i start sobbing????

user: ok but is the dick game good

user: HE SWIPED UP ON A COSTA TOASTIE ☠️

user: nah he’s down BAD me too but like 😭

user: he def would’ve thrown a temper tantrum if she didn’t respond

user: grace booing is so real i wanted a kissing in the rain screaming ‘i love you’ confession

user: her smile when she said she’s happy now man they’re literally my parents ☹️

user: Love you both X ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

user: ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

user: the world is healing

user: NAH MAN SWEAR THATS CHIPS BOICE COMING IN NOW

LIVE CHAT !

user: i’m actually gonna cry i missed them sm ☹️😭

user: the camera switching to her looking at him with heart eyes after calling him a bellend is so funny GET HER ASS 👏

user: chip is the new an*rew t*te 🙏

user: oh how i missed him calling her lady and missus

user: he’s the leader of the sassy man epidemic oh lord

user: OMG I FORGOT WHEN SHE YSED TO GO ON COFFEE DATES WITH HIS MUM

user: leave my girl and her spotify playlists alone

user: this has literally made my year

user: just in time for y/n’s fall vids

[tagged: savinggracepod , gkbarry_ , theburntchip]

❤️ liked by georgeclarkeey, georgebxggs, and 98,992 others

yourusername mum! mum! i made it! i’m on saving grace!!!!!! (and i figured i deserved at least one pic of chip from the launch x)

user that episode was the funniest thing ever i can’t even i nearly pissed myself when grace pretended to spank u with the paddle 😭😭😭

user mother ur so gorg i’m speechless

user you know the content is gonna slap when y/n l/n is there

user im so obsessed with u pls

user CAL AND CHIP AT THE FUNCTION SIR 👏🙇‍♀️

user best video in youtube history methinks

gkbarry_ loved having you on babe, even if the boss man gatecrashed 🫶❤️

yourusername he doesn’t like feeling left out smh

theburntchip oh alright then

max_balegde ICONIC!!!!!!

user MY ROMAN EMPIRE

user i hope you know that twt is in flames rn

user i gen teared up a bit when you talked about the breakup 🥹

user icons only

[tagged: ynapparel , nellarose , theburntchip]

❤️ liked by landonorris, behzinga and 97,872 others

yourusername self representing by wearing @ ynapparel the past (and every) week 😩🤭 featuring the love of my life & chip ig…

theburntchip wow alright

theburntchip i thought you were a g 😔

yourusername oops sorry babe

theburntchip we’re over smh

yourusername oh no… what a shame ☹️ anyway… hot girl winter!!!!!!

theburntchip the fits are fire though 😮‍💨

yourusername as always x

user EATING SLAYING DEVOURING

user OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

user forever obsessed with u

user graduated from cuntingtion university with an phd in slaying

nellarose love you bae x

calfreezy chip looking dashing as per usual

theburntchip aye thank you brotha

nellarose AYYYY LOOKING SEXY 🔥🔥🔥🔥

yourusername ALL YOU BABY 💋💋💋

ynapparel looking good and dressed to kill 😉😇🩷

user face card NEVER declines

lissiemackintosh this barbie is my mother

user ur so real lissie

faithlouisak doll 🤩

alice_hez 😍🔥🖤

user WHATS THE SQUARE ROOT OF 64?????

user angel girl 🤍

centralcee 😮‍💨🔥🔥🔥🔥

user NAHHH HES BRAVE COMMENTING ON THE POST W HER BOYFRIEND

user CENCH GET OUTTA HERE MAN

user SIRENSIRENSIREN Y/N BABY RUN!!!!!

user OH??????

user wait am i missing smth why are we freaking out

user @ user cench has always been lowk flirting with y/n, like she interviewed him at some event last yr and he was being so flirty and obviously she was giving him blank wall back BUT when her and chip broke up he got even WORSE like man was always in her comments tryna chat her up and she entertained it a lil but now the bitch is back and he’s bold

user NAH MAN GTFO WE JUST GOT CHIP BACK IN THE PICTURE WE CANT HAVE U RUINING THAT

theburntchip just posted to their story

[carniferous]

i need the dil bartylus thesis NOOOOWWW

bartylus is the failmarriage of ALL time to me i’ve spoken about this before but to me they contrast jegulus in that jegulus is a relationship with clear beginnings and ends. its tumultuous for sure but its tumultuous in a very defined way. jegulus cant be a failmarriage bc they’d get divorced. they’re too obsessed with defining what they are to each other bc they want it to be real and meaningful and it can’t be anything less than that

bartylus on the other hand…. they couldn’t define what they are to each other if they tried. they’re like the definition of settling for less but ‘less’ in this case is someone who understands you on a very a deep and fundamental level. perhaps better than anyone in the world. perhaps better than you understand yourself!! i wouldn’t say they’re ‘recognition of self in the other’ bc barty and regulus aren’t even other to each other…. they are each others homes and i mean in this context that both of these characters have the most fraught relationship with their respective homes imaginable. they want each other the way they want to go home (not at all — but also desperately). their relationship is inextricable from childhood. they hate to be reminded of their childhoods

and yet they’re not…. toxic per se! they’re obviously not healthy but they love each other in a way that’s very earnest (childlike). barty dreams of running away with regulus. he is the white knight rescuing the princess from the tower (he’s exactly like james in this respect). but unlike james barty doesn’t see running away as leading to a potentially better life for them….. he has no desire for freedom or salvation. barty just wants to do what he thinks will make regulus happier. and bc of this they will NEVER run away together bc regulus does want freedom. he does want salvation. he will never leave everything he knows unless he has the promise of something better, and barty can’t give that to him (and barty would see dishonesty about that as the greatest betrayal imaginable). so they never leave! they’re trapped together forever! stagnation! rotting! being seen this clearly is love but it’s also unbearable! there’s no mystery there’s no intrigue there’s just the cold acceptance of their fate and the comfort that at least they’ll bear it together except it’s no comfort at all because they COULD have escaped. just not with each other

and don’t even get me STARTED on brotherhusband barty…. there are like some obvioussss barty/sirius parallels and we’d be fools to think regulus doesn’t see them. to think regulus doesn’t want barty explicitly because “this person is like my brother if my brother wanted me” ?? regulus is someone who has lived his entire life wanting to be wanted come on…. he fucks barty because barty is like if regulus could somehow make sirius stay. and barty thinks this is sooooo sweet he indulges it he’s like “yeah reggie why would i ever leave you we’ve known each other since we were toddlers… we’re practically bro—” and then 5 minutes later regulus is sucking his dick and he’s like. wow look at regulus self-soothing! i’m such a good friend :)

in a modern setting they’re a category 5 situationship of unprecedented magnitude. like the picture you paint of regulus crying in his car after their 34th screaming-match breakup of the MONTH (how does this even happen. months only have 31 days max. were they timing it by the hour) is so perfect. ppl tell reg to see a therapist and he graciously does and after explaining it the therapist is like “do you think this might have anything to do with your childhood?” and regulus like “no?” and then proceeds to ghost said therapist bc on the way home from the appointment barty called and apologized and invited regulus over. regulus was like “okay but we’re not going to fuck” and barty is like “ofc not do you think i’m some kind of freak that i would be horny right now—“ cut to barty with regulus’s calves on his shoulders

[rbr4c1ng]

Hii! I was wondering if you could maybe explain the bus bros fallout or p2p gate or pretty much all of the McLaughlin-Newgarden lore to me since I'm only getting in to IndyCar now and I want to be caught up before the 500. I understand this is a big ask but I've seen that youve posted about it and I just NEED to know. Any links to other pieces of lore would also be much apreciated. Completely understand if you don't want to write anything though so thank you so much I advance!! <3

YES ABSOLUTELY I WILL EXPLAIN! this is my special interest dw i could write an 18 page essay about their lore.

SO basically scott came into indycar from supercars in 2020-2021 ish and him a josef started getting along like super well, which is honestly a bit odd bc josef is known to not really let people get so close to him, so scotty is a bit of an outlier in that respect.

eventually! they make bus bros!!! wooooo everyone loves it etc etc they have fun making it…. until they don’t! leading up to their breakup there were QUITE a few clues that they knew it was gonna end in flames like scott talked about it on off track (see audio excerpt below) and on hot seats with hinch if i remember correctly?

there’s also a fair share of articles that mention it. they basically knew it was inevitable but i don’t think anyone thought it was gonna happen so quickly??

so then the winter break leading into the 2024 szn happened! this is about when i started getting really into bus bros and was honestly pretty present for some of this shit (i was at the daytona 24 and st pete so i’ve got some first hand evidence but we will get to that later)… anyways so the rumors start going around that bus bros is over around?? st pete time i think??? a little bit earlier. which is odd given that they seemed okay with each other at the daytona 24, even though i thought it was strange that they weren’t both on tower motorsports anymore cause josef switched to penske porsche but GENERALLY it seemed okay (although based on this pic idk their relationship seems a little charged atp but it’s all speculation really)

then after the rumors come out i think it was jenna fryer’s article that did it in? (idk it has a paywall on it for me right now and i don’t care enough to find it here but there’s definitely excerpts floating around) now i do recommend to take anything jenna fryer says with a grain of salt bc she is essentially a gossip columnist for all intents and purposes. but the article basically said that josef and scotty were done and scott wouldn’t answer any questions about it and was only saying that they’re fine or to ask josef about it (tea from todays 100 days to indy episode actually…). they promptly took down the bus bros merch site and have been relatively quiet since then. at st pete they talked on the podium and didn’t seem too bad but i’ve seen other clips where they won’t even sit next to each other or speak to each other so take that as you will. podiums are pretty much just publicity, cameras everywhere, you’d probably want to seem at least cordial with your teammate.

(pic 1 is mine, pic 2 is a pic of my tv from todays episode LMFAO)

so heres where most of the speculative stuff comes in. Josef dissolved his media company, unfollowed everyone, and cancelled bus bros leading into the 2024 season because he wanted to “get rid of distractions”, and really we could leave it at that, but i find it hard to believe that that’s the only thing that happened.

Josef is the dictionary definition of Penske Perfect, you won’t get any closer to it than him. he’s fucking OBSESSED with this idea of being perfect. perfect season, perfect body, perfect car, perfect team. obviously this isn’t feasible, but scotty seemed to have broken through that block in his little Penske Perfect brain and got him to LIGHTEN UP A BIT. and then the 2023 season happened. sure, josef won the indy 500 but it was one of his worst season finishes in a while and, to make matters worse, scott BEAT him. little scotty mac, supercars champion transplant from 2021 beat josef newgarden at his own fucking game after breaking down his walls and making him soft. i can see how that scared josef honestly. so he ended it. Scott doesn’t see things on a plane of winning/losing imo, everything is just experience for him. hell, he didn’t even know if he would end up in indycar and he sure as hell didn’t think he’d win races so soon AND beat his teammate. to josef, it’s JUST winning/losing. if he’s losing, he needs to be better. and he lost sight of that for the 2023 season. that’s why he had to come back and put an end to the shenanigans bc he knows scott makes him soft.

but that’s just my speculation!!!!! literally could just be nothing. maybe it is to josef, but i know for a FACT it isn’t to scott.

OH and with the p2pgate stuff! basically they had a component in their car that. was not supposed to be there! that prevented race control from turning off their push to pass like normal. (marshall pruitt has a rlly good article explaining it all here) and they were caught in long beach when race control forgot to turn on the push to pass during the sunday warm up and HMMMMM why do the penske cars still have it???? when has this happened before??? oh ok st pete! now they’re disqualified. josef used 9 seconds of p2p when it was not enabled and scotty only used 1.9 and will used none. so i’m led to believe that it was a josef-centered choice IF it was intentional to use the p2p when it was supposed to be inactive.

now josef really laid down the water works for that press conference at barber to the point that i was having a VERY hard time watching it. i felt bad for the guy. he seemed really fucking upset and i almost believe that it WASNT on purpose but. it’s just too good to be true right?

honestly i think this all could tie back to the downfall of bus bros in that scott maybe didn’t want to do the p2p thing but josef was willing to? and maybe that caused some sort of divide between them bc then again for josef it’s about Winning No Matter What, and yes scott wants to win but cheating isn’t the way for him. idk.

for more of their lore when they WERE friends, watch bus bros (duh), admit one, 100 days to indy, scott learns america: nashville, hot seats with hinch, and listen to scott’s episode on off track with hinch and rossi! also there are some very brief interactions between them on some older penske games videos before bus bros was even a thing but it’s not much. there are more but i can’t think of them rn…

sorry for rambling, if you have any more qs feel free to ask!!! i’m always available for brain picking :)

[8myass]

OH MY GOD HIIII ur blog looks supa cool it’s so nice to meet u lele 😁😁

can i be 🧺 anon and request haechan hate sex 🥴🥴🥴 god i’m obsessed w that man

hi hi! thank you so much! of course, you can be 🧺 anon! thank you for making the first-ever request on my page. it was super fun to write this! i, too, am very obsessed with this man, he's genuinely too fine. i hope you enjoy it!! pairing. lee donghyuck/haechan x female reader genre. angst, smut (w plot) pov. second person (you, yours, yourself, etc.) wc. 1.6k cw. enemy!haechan, slight bimbo!reader, mean dom!hae, bratty sub!reader tw. alcohol consumption, mentions infidelity and breakup, slight dubcon aspects (bc of the wording, it seems very noncon at first), cursing, mentions blood, name calling (‘bitch’, ‘whore’, ‘toy’), face-fucking, deepthroating, degradation, slight praise (typically only ever mixed with degradation), hate sex (obvi), p in v, unprotected sex (wrap your meat fellas), ass slapping, pet names (‘babe’, ‘baby’), hair pulling, breeding, haechan’s just mean idk??

“Can you at least pretend to love me? Just for tonight?” Haechan frowned, his vision blurred from an extensive amount of alcohol, hung over your shoulder as you dragged him to your car, somehow being left with the responsibility of taking him home after he was found passed out on your friend’s couch. Your friend claimed she had to clean the party that wiped through her house like a hurricane but fell asleep in the bathroom by the toilet, droplets of vomit littering the toilet seat, and more chunks in the bowl. 

You rolled your eyes, popping open the door of the passenger’s side to your vehicle, “You’re fucking ridiculous.” Throwing him in the car, you shut the door and dragged your feet to the driver’s side door, sitting down to instantly start the engine up. He didn’t buckle up, slouching down in the seat, eyes dazed. You looked over at him and sighed, shaking your head, “What happened to you, man? Why’d you drink so much?”

“My girl cheated on me,” he laughed, the amusement in his tone holding the deepest pain you remember hearing your entire life. “We’re not together anymore.”

You didn’t know how to reply, never feeling so much sympathy for someone who you despised so incredibly. “Do you miss her?”

“How could I not? She was my world all through high school, no one else meant as much to me as she did,” he exhaled deeply, his voice cracking, sounding like he was on the verge of tears. 

You sat in silence for a couple of minutes, the drive becoming awkward in the quietness. You still didn’t know what to say, unable to comprehend whether he wanted to find comfort in you at such an awful time. 

“It’s right here,” he pointed out the window as you pulled up his street, stepping on the brakes as soon as you heard his words. 

“This place?” you scoffed, looking at him with your typical disgusted expression, accidentally forgetting the deep emotional conversation you two just had. The place was old, moss growing up the sides of the former white-painted house that had now turned brown due to being behind on cleaning. The windows were clouded, blinds pale and stained, the wood of the door cracked. “It’s a dump.”

He sighed lowly, getting out of the car with a quick shove, turning on his heels to look at you, “Can you come in?”

“You want me to come into your house?” you raised an eyebrow, but something told you to accept his offer, “Fine, just until you sober up.”

You unbuckled and followed him into his garbage site that he claimed was his house, watching him chug water bottle after water bottle sitting at the small, two-person table across from him. 

“Don’t choke, I might laugh,” you chuckled as he continued to gulp down the remaining water in the bottle, eyes narrowing while looking at you. 

“You’re annoying,” he huffed, slamming the bottle down on the table. 

“Yeah, not the first time you’ve told me that,” you snorted, “Are you sobered up yet? Can I go now, Mr. I-need-you-to-come-help-make-sure-I-don’t-choke-on-my-own-vomit?”

“Screw you,” he groaned, standing up and throwing away the plastic bottle into the green recycling bin next to his dirtied fridge. You stood up as well, hurrying toward the door, taking that as a ‘get the hell out, bitch’. Typically, that’d be what that meant, you weren’t wrong for thinking that. 

“Where are you going?” you heard his voice right next to your ear as your body was pressed against the door before your hand could reach the doorknob.

“I’m leaving, you’re sober now,” you squirmed in his grip, his thumbs pressed to the back of your hips to hold your body against the chilled wood. “Don’t touch me, let go of me.”

“Why would I do that? I’m finally available, I can finally touch you how I please,” he hummed, one finger tracing down your spine, his opposing hand slipping up your skin-tight dress, pressing his palm against the delicate skin of your inner thigh. 

“Don’t touch me,” you growled, squirming more aggressively in his grasp. “You’re disgusting, I hate you. Let me go before I kick your dick in.”

“God, you’re so fucking annoying,” he managed to flip your fussy form around so he could look into your pleading eyes. In an instant, you were on your knees, cock down your throat, gagging you to the point of tears pouring down your cheeks, slobber coating your chin as his balls smacked the remnants of your filth off your face and down onto your thighs. 

“Fuck, bitch, that’s so good,” he moaned, smirk popping onto his face as his head fell back. Your tongue looped around his cock as he repeatedly fucked your face, your nails digging into the skin of his thighs so tightly that it nearly drew blood. His fingers were laced through your hair, keeping your head in place as he thrusts himself into your mouth. He scrunched his nose up a few times as he felt your teeth brush against his dick, “A little less teeth, okay?”

“What’s the matter? Don’t act like you haven’t done this before, I’m sure you’ve had a cock down your throat every night since we last saw each other,” he scoffed, looking down at the way your eyes gazed at him with a gentle glint in them. You had only just seen him a few days ago, but you have been with a man every night since then. It was a good time killer, how could you not let some random guy fuck the daylights outta you just for funsies? “You never had something so big down your throat, is that the problem?”

You gagged in response to his question, drool pooling out around the seams of your mouth. His cock was coated in your sticky saliva by now, his tip reaching down your throat, precum leaking out around it. 

“You sound so much better gagging on my dick,” he chuckled, forcing himself entirely into your mouth until your nose was pressed against his pelvis, choking on the cum pouring out of his tip as trails of moans came out of his hung open mouth. “Yeah, that’s so fucking good, babe.”

After pulling out of your weak mouth, you didn’t have much time to bitch at him before you were bent over the table, dress forced up and panties ripped off, already rehardened cock slipped inside your dripping cunt. 

“So wet? Is this for me?” he muttered against the skin of your neck, moans spilling from your parted lips, throat way too sore to reach the volumes you currently were. “Did you like sucking my cock? How about this? Do you like this, hm?”

You frantically nodded as you felt his hands slide up your dress to roughly play with your boobs, thumbs circling over your sensitive nipples, “Ye-yeah, feels good.”

“Fuck, you’re such a whore, you know that?” he growled, smacking your ass after pulling his hand from your boob, the other one still lingering. “Gonna let me fuck you like this after just claiming you hate me?”

“I do hate you,” you scoffed, trying to sound strong, but your voice came out more unstable than you had originally planned. You did hate him, you just might not have hated this moment. The sex was good, I mean, how could you say no?

“I hate you too, don’t worry,” he snarled, grabbing a fistful of your hair to pull your head toward him, your back pressed against his chest. “I’m using you, baby. Only to pass the time, only to get her off my mind. You are simply a toy, that’s all.”

“You think she’s ever gonna come back?” you mocked, head slightly turning so your eyes could meet his, which had soon turned into a glare directed at you, “I can’t be a placeholder for someone who’s not coming back.”

“Shut the fuck up, toy,” he growled, upper lip twitching as he pushed you back down onto the table, pressing his palm to the center of your back to hold you there as the other gripped your hip tightly, his thrusts becoming harder yet sloppier. 

He was beyond enraged by your comments, and the movements of his own hips against your poor body really showed that. You were a whimpering and crying mess as soon as he became angry with you, almost making you want to sob out an apology, but you wouldn’t degrade yourself so much as to actually apologize to him, it’s bad enough you were letting him fuck you.

“I think you’re gonna make a good cumdump from now on,” he moaned loudly, his moans echoing throughout the rest of the kitchen. “I’ll use you however I please.”

“Scr-screw y-you,” you whined, continuing to be a little bitch to him, not realizing where it gets you. 

He groaned as he continued thrusting himself into you, head falling back as he smacked your ass again at your words. You squealed and dipped your head down against the table, burying your forehead into your arms. Your bodies colliding rocked the entire table, the sound of its creaking spread through the room.

Soon enough, he had let loose strands of cum inside you, feeling his hot liquid fill your insides as loud moans flew out of his mouth, desperate and frantic cries falling out of you, your release also shaking your body, cum seeping out around his cock. 

“Shit, maybe we should do this more often,” he’d say only as he’s rebuttoning his pants and you’re fixing your dress, wiping your mouth of the drool that poured out of the corners of your lips, patting away the dried tears coating your flushed cheeks.

“Yeah, whatever,” you rolled your eyes and stormed out of his house, ‘hoping’ you’d never see him again, but knowing damn well you’d cave and show up to his place the following night, all for a round two…

[cassiopeia-core]

obsessed

leo valdez x daughter of hecate reader

a/n: calypso is nice in this one, reader is vv insecure (self-projecting lol), also ending was kinda rushed bc i didn't know how to finish it, also not proofread :)

song: obsessed - olivia rodrigo

(calypso is a pisces for the plot)

La-da-da-da, da-da-da, la-da-da-da-da La-da-da-da, da-da-da

when leo and calypso broke up, the entirety of camp half-blood was flabbergasted. why wouldn't they be? leo had literally sworn on the river styx for calypso, dying and resurrecting for her then rescuing from her cursed island. the perfect couple.

however, what camp half-blood didn't know was the reason behind the breakup: you. while leo did truly like calypso, deep down, he always knew that you, his best friend, had a special place in his heart.

after leo and you got together officially, rumours starting spiralling about how you'd used 'black magic' to capture leo's love and the matching sun and moon necklaces that you two always wore was cursed or something??? you'd always thought these rumours were ridiculous; you'd literally gotten him the necklace before he'd even known calypso.

Cause I know her star sign, I know her blood type I've seen every movie she's been in and, oh god, she's beautiful

but naturally, although you'd never admit it, you were insecure. calypso was smart, funny and beautiful. she was a goddess for gods sake. you tried to push those negative thoughts down, the thoughts that fed the growing monster that was jealousy inside of you. you were obsessed with her.

you literally had a star sign chart featuring her and leo's signs and their compatibility rates. they were so compatible, perfect for each other. being a daughter of hecate and all, you took these things very seriously. but you could never let leo know. what would he think of you then? you didn't want to lose him more. so everytime he would hangout with you in your cabin, you made sure to cast the Mist over your charts, disguising them or making them appear as though they were nothing.

She's talented, she's good with kids She even speaks kindly about me, ha-huh

hoping to break the good girl image everyone had of her, you always dreamed of catching her slipping up and badmouthing you.

like right now.

you'd been heading back to your cabin after dinner when you heard the voices of Calypso and her friends. you were ready to stear clear and hopefully go around them without catching attention but as you neared them, you realised they were talking about you???

you quickly shrouded yourself in the Mist and crept closer. eavesdropping probably wasn't the best idea but you were determined to prove that she wasn't the good girl everyone thought she was.

"girl, have you seen leo's new girlfriend?" you heard one of her friends snicker. your heart picked up its pace and your ears strained to hear more.

"there's no way he'd rather be with a witch than you calypso, who in their right mind would do that?"

your heart plummeted when you heard calypso sigh, "guys, i've moved on, leo's moved on so there's really no point in badmouthing y/n. also, she is one of the sweetest people ive met. please don't think so lowly of her."

needless to say, you slunk ashamedly back to your cabin.

But I can't help it, I got issues, I can't help it, baby

you couldn't sleep.

couldn't stop comparing yourself to her, couldn't stop doubting why leo could possibly leave her for u.

they were perfect together, like warm flames embracing the smoldering logs in a fireplace on a cold winter's day. but you? you were nothing. you were like the useless mantelpiece above the fireplace, watching on as the flames danced to their full potential.

so you decided it would be best to break up with him

coming to a cold, hard conclusion, you swung yourself out of bed and out of your cabin, and headed towards bunker 9, where undoubtedly, your hardworking boyfriend would be slaving away at the forges.

upon hearing you arrive, leo dropped his work with a clatter and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "baby!" he sang, making his way towards you. "look what i - "

"leo," you interrupted. he looked so excited, eyes brimming with love and enthusiasm, looking at you like were the most beautiful piece of art in the world. you almost stopped yourself from saying your next words but - "leo, i want to break up"

he came to a halt before you. "w-what? did i do something wrong? i'll fix it please, please, please don't do this. just tell me what's wrong? i love you baby please."

you could feel your heart shatter at the sight before you. eyes wide with uncertainty and face full of confusion, the upset on leo's face made you want to turn back time take back your words.

"leo, im so sorry. i love you so much too but, i'm so obsessed with your ex. i feel like a fucking creep! i can't help but think that we're not meant to be and calypso is perfect for you." you managed, chest aching, desperate for something to hold onto, to cling onto. "you're wasting your time on me. i'm not worth it."

"aww baby," leo pulled his arms around you. you sobbed into his shoulder, not caring about how dirty your pajamas were going to be after this. "baby, please don't think like that. you're my forever girl. my one in a million lifetimes. and i love you for you."

you sobbed harder and leo's grip on you tightened. "mi vida, i swear on the river styx that i will try my hardest for you to never ever feel this way again. just promise me that you'll stay with me. i'll love only you, baby. promise."

and he kept it till his very last breath.

a/n pt2: ummm (idk what this is but i love leo soooo)

divider creds: @animatedglittergraphics-n-more 

[ratasum]

So about that big rewrite with @wall-legion. (Spoilers and some salt ahead, and significant changes.)

Again, as per usual, keep in mind that we're doing this based on personal opinion. If you enjoyed your time, I'm INCREDIBLY happy for you! But we did not.

Zojja isn't the one who goes to the wizards (at least not at first). I've mentioned before that Jenn and I had been treating it like she'd been There All Along the last eight years, and we're not changing that.

Instead, since in our plot Logan dies for real in Arah, he's the one in Wizlandia. He got picked up after being left there with the intention of people returning to get his body. The assumption is that he got awakened or something. Turns out that's not the case!

Zojja has some roles in the other plots that I'll write out when I get around to actually writing cohesive fic stuff, but it's limited bc of chronic pain and fatigue from what she went through in Maguuma. She's doing her best, but still struggling with what she's no longer able to do. Which leads to her vanishing in the middle of the night roughly a month before SotO starts.

Odetta and Leyya eventually find the letter she received from Logan, leading them on the goose chase that takes them to Wizlandia as well. Plot roughly follows canon from here in points, with Logan in Zojja's role and Zojja present and Mabon mentoring her to unlock more of her magic.

Mabon lives! He also gets some of his memories back because of the possession, and he starts spilling the beans. He keeps mentoring Zojja despite his apprehension with Isgarren, who starts helping in the convergences, and she starts getting pressured towards ascension as well... genuinely considering it because she's so tired.

All those loaded Chekov's Guns about the fractals and how horrific and unethical they were, the wizards never stepping in even when the world is at risk (Void?? hello??), and Isgarren's seeming lack of care for anything outside of the Kryptis gets tied up. How? He, Eparch, and Vass had a shitty breakup and Isgarren is obsessed with "punishing" him for his supposed betrayal over Vass's death. There's some JUICY DEETS here I'll go into later.

Galrath is replaced. Because why the FUCK is he even there???? We killed him to keep him OUT of the wizard's tower in GW1.

Anyway Isgarren tries to genocide the kryptis to "keep Tyria safe," leading to a big kerfuffle and a final fight with him. He ends up killed right before we fight Eparch and kill him. Peitha gets made king!

Logan decides to ascend in the end and stay with the wizards. He knows he can do well here, and everyone thinks he's dead anyway. Dagda takes on Isgarren's role. She also gets to learn she shouldn't tie her worth and willingness to exist to one person and stops trying to cling to the memory of the kodan and wrap up Zojja.

Lyhr leaves to find his partner. He may return to the wizards eventually, but he needs to do this.

Zojja decides to stop trying to be better and to work within her means. She also decides she's going to burn the system in Rata Sum to the ground, but needs time to plan. Opts to go back to Lion's Arch for now.

The wizards agree they can no longer stay in their tower doing nothing. They start reaching out more to core Tyria. No hiding anymore. If they're going to protect the world... they need to be part of it.

And unrelated to any of that, the Rata Novus fractal is now the Thaumanova city cube.

But yeah, we're gonna have fun with this.

[k1ll3r-k4rg0]

lângă mine stă un trecut cu o sută de gheare îl lovesc în plin cu priviri din raze de soare

a past with a thousand claws sits next to me i hit it hard with a stare made of sunbeams

you were the sunrise in all of that big dark black pale nothing and because of you, i learned finally to love the world again

---

i'm literally insane idk how i managed this anyways im obsessed with them. kim but if he was drawn in harry's portrait, and harry drawn if he was in kim's portrait. okay?

of course they put their own spins on the portraits too bc they're different guys. but basically it's if kim was the one who didn't get over his grief of his partner's death 6 years ago and harry if he did get over the grief of losing dora. kim loses his memories from alcohol blackout, and harry is still harry with all his skills and thoughts, just medicated and in therapy. instead of kim being there for harry and instead of harry being given the second chance to start again, it's harry who's there for kim and it's kim who's given the second chance to start again

the romanian lyrics up there r from "Undeva" by the Mono Jacks which is an incredibly harry song to me

anyways portrait meta under the cut coz it's a textwall.

anyways. for kim, instead of harry's white outline (there's a white shadow that smells like apricots) which i think resembles becoming someone out of nothing, i gave kim heavy a black shadow bc while he also loses his memories in this au, he becomes a wreck bc of grief from the loss of his partner eyes. in my headcanons, eyes had pale associations and that's part of why he was so good with perception. thus instead of the straight white and colorful lines on harry's, kim has curved lines like pale. the blue is the same blue color of eyes's eyes, and the grey is pale representative. there's also orange in there bc kim's self-expression is Very much orange imo. so he's covering it up (not my idea btw, i took it from @/u3pxx who did a really cool version of kim's portrait for their version of swap au also). he's wearing his pilot jacket, but it's the black one bc after eyes died he decided there was no other way to deal with his death than become eyes, so he decided to start wearing the jacket bc it made him feel a little cooler (eyes was so cool). imo he's also in mourning. so it's black. it's also why he got his hair and his facial hair like that coz it's literally how eyes had it. hes also got the red ears red nose of being alcoholic. bc he's alcoholic and maybe on drugs (like harry was) bc he (kim) completely just can't deal with the pressures of the job without it (they move him to processing and then homicide as a result of eyes's death). but besides the turmoil of the bg and all that past that's haunting him, kim himself is relatively monotone and put-together. the thin white line around him is the thin shred of professionalism he's BARELY holding onto to keep all that misery at bay and hidden from everyone else but like. it won't hold. there's already cracks in it. also the logo on his jacket is my hc for the aerostatics logo

harry meanwhile has the kim halo but it's like a sunrise bc to kim harry's always going to feel like sunrise (both in my hcs for canon and for swap). obviously harry's not as put together and strict and rigid as kim, so his portrait is a lot more colorful (his skills' colors!!). completely vibrant and alive and awake. in this au, harry's still harry but he got over the breakup bc he got therapy and he's on meds for his troubles. i have a line in one of my fanfics about kim taking care of harry post-tribunal where kim realizes harry needs him by his side and that revachol needs him, too. and when kim looks at harry he thinks it's like the entirety of revachol is there in his eyes. so i really wanted harry's eyes to really look striking. also the nametag is just another one of my hcs for their uniforms. they have last name, then 3 stripes for lieutenant (1 for patrol officer, 2 for sergeant, 4 for captain), then two stripes on the top to indicate double-yefreitor, ie other ranks (jean has a single hollow circle for satellite officer).

[trash-king18]

m pt. 18

ok ok i know there’s been so much back and forth between these too but for some reason i just couldn’t get past the idea of writing miguel and y/n without including the plot of atsv and the real issues with miguel’s behavior so this part and the next will lead up to the events of the second movie before ending the series with the aftermath and a quick explanation of what i imagine will happen in beyond-tsv

but i will continue posting bits and pieces that can either be read separately or as part of the future of their relationship after this bc i am obsessed with these two atp.

cw: hangover, some smut, more marking, big fight, breakup?

————

you woke up with a tequila headache two missed calls and someone banging on your door.

you were still exhausted, and groggy.

“Y/N”

you groan and pull yourself out of bed

“Y/N are you here”

you open the door holding your head

“ay dios mío stop banging please”

“did i wake you up”

“what do you think”

he pushes into your apartment

“uhh ok, what are you doing here”

“you weren’t answering me and.. i didn’t want to track your watch so i just came to check”

“ohh he does learn”

he flashes you and annoyed look

“is that my shirt”

“uhm.. i guess. i must’ve brought it with me on accident”

“oh uh huh definitely an accident”

“i’m not arguing with you this morning my head is killing me”

“i thought you were babysitting”

“i was.. and then i ended up babysitting a bottle with my sister”

“is that why you didn’t answer me”

“uh i didn’t see it until super late, figured you were asleep by then”

“i didn’t sleep last night had to clean up after the mess gwen made last night. besides still could’ve texted, so i didn’t have to come banging on your door.”

“nobody asked you to do that.. hold on what did gwen do?”

“don’t worry about it that’s a work thing, we’ll talk about it at work”

“but i want to know now. is she ok?”

“ay mi cariño don’t be like that. she’s fine. but seriously i wanted to talk to you”

you were suddenly feeling defensive, your talk last night with crystal had you feeling cautious about letting things get too close.

“we’re not together we don’t need to debrief every time we hookup”

“hey what’s up with the attitude”

“i don’t have an attitude i’m just hung over and tired”

“..you need food”

“don’t start with that again i told you i don’t get hangry”

“mmhm right” he starts pushing you towards your bed room “go lay back down”

you don’t fight him about that you’re eyes are still full of sleep so you just climb back in bed.

you’re half asleep when he comes in with empanadas and water

you eat but you refuse to let him think he was right so even though you feel better you just lay back down with a huff

but you feel him crawling onto the bed and you look up

“someone should really teach you not to just climb into someone’s bed without an invitation”

he just lays down next to you and pulls the covers down before he begins slowly pulling the fabric of the t shirt up.

“what are you doing”

“i was interrupted..very abruptly yesterday. i still need to finish”

he continues pulling your shirt up to reveal your tits but you push it back down

“finish what?”

he doesn’t even seem to care as he moves your hand away and pulls it back up again

“this”

he presumes to get back on top of you pulling your legs around him as his hand comes up to grope your tit and he begins kissing the other.

you tell yourself to push him off but it feels good, he feels good.

he sucks your nipple into his mouth which makes you moan despite yourself

“así es, tu cuerpo me necesitas”

that’s right, your body needs me

“i don’t- fuck- think i’m the needy one here”

“No soy necesitado”

i’m not needy

he looks up slightly offended

you look at him unconvinced but he rolls his eyes before continuing, switching to the other side

“estoy atento”

im attentive

“whatever you need to tell yourself”

he ignores you playing with your skin and leaving more marks all over your chest. he finally pulls back satisfied and just looks over you

he says quietly “perfecta”

“are you finished now”

“mm” he sits back and pulls you up with him sitting you on his lap “por que me apuras”

why do you rush me

he wraps his arms around you

“porque no volviste anoche”

why didn’t you come back last night

“i did i got here at like 130”

he gives you an exasperated look “Eso no es lo que quiero decir”

that’s not what what i meant

“i wanted to sleep in my own bed”

“Podría haber venido”

i could’ve come over

“Miguel.. we’re not a couple..”

“and yet.. sigues terminando en mi cama”

you keep ending up in my bed

“i’m being serious right now. we can’t keep doing this”

he let’s go suddenly

“what”

you gently remove yourself from him.

“the hookups, the fights, the sleepovers. it’s messy enough now but given… our pasts this will never be more than that”

“our pasts.”

“we’ve lost too much, and our lives now are too complicated this.. whatever it is.. doesn’t work”

a look of anger takes over his face “we’ve lost?”

“yes”

“your brother died, i lost an entire universe”

“don’t talk about my brother”

“you brought it up”

“you know what i’d ~like~ to bring up”

“id love to know”

“the fact that you only lost that universe because you didn’t belong there”

his face falls and then he looks angry again.

“what did you just say”

“you might not have done it on purpose, and it may hurt just as bad, but honestly i’m tired of you projecting your guilt and cannon theory onto every other spider person in attempts to come to terms with what you’ve lost because you can’t deal with the fact that your world imploded and you don’t actually know why”

he gets up

“and don’t even think about yelling at me, you know it’s true but nobody else has the balls to say it”

he stares at you seething

“don’t come in to work this week”

“what are you firing me now because i told you the truth”

“don’t.”

and then he just walks out slamming the door behind himself

——

“well. thats one way to break up with a guy. get him so mad he essentially does it for you i mean really genius. i applaud you”

“we didn’t break up, we weren’t together”

“uh yeah- you were. maybe not in the normal healthy people way but that was a relationship”

“well it’s over now and i think it’s time i start looking for jobs in this dimension”

“seriously”

“what?”

“no way you’re gonna except going from helping superheroes hold the fabric of the universe..es together to working at a boring lab with a bunch of normal people”

“i don’t think i really have a choice anymore”

“there’s always s choice mana. if he’s as smart as he seems to be he’ll come around

“maybe”

“but you’re welcome to stay here until things blow over”

she goes to take the boys to the bus stop and head to work leaving you alone

lyla calls.

“hey.. so about you and miguel”

“what? there is no me and miguel”

“y/n please i know. i’ve known”

“well it’s over now so it doesn’t matter anyway. do you need me to come in?”

“uhh i wouldn’t. he’s upset right now, about what you said”

“why you think i was wrong too”

“i think it’s been a long time since miguel has thought about what happened with anything other than blind rage and self blame. give him time hon he’ll come around, until then i’ll keep you updated and do my best to keep him.. contained”

“thanks lyla”

“of course y/n… Oh! and one more thing gwen went to visit miles when she was supposed to be on a mission”

“she did?! why would she do that?”

“i don’t know, but things are getting a little hectic here.”

“if he- if you need me for anything call me”

“i will”

“good luck”

“you too”

————

taglist:

@urmotherswhor3 @kirke-is-my-name @rexxesgirl @simp4miguell @urmomisafinewoman @dammittjanet @cheezit-luv3rr @miggyyyyohara @polireader

[autumnrory]

i know it's just like, part of the show and like they probably did not realize what a monster they created with dean so of course they're not gonna have any of the characters acknowledge it and definitely not lorelai but it's crazy the things she does and how often she actually sides with dean over her own daughter

during the first breakup she's angry at him for hurting rory but then the second she finds out WHY he broke up with her she's like "oh i see now, i hate that you're afraid to say i love you" (which was a huge assumption on her part that it was all down to rory's fear and not that she just might not have been feeling it yet three months into her first relationship) instead of the reaction that she should have had which was: "that is a fucked up reason to break up with you and you should not ever feel pressured to say i love you back" AND THEN maybe she could get into talking about how it might be scary but if rory is actually feeling it, she should learn to take the leap and say the words anyway

there's at least two or three instances of mentioning how much he calls/making jokes about stalker behavior and i'm just like. okay i could sort of get it in the honeymoon phase if you're just that obsessed with each other but i don't see rory being that type in a relationship like she very clearly cared deeply and did fall in love with him but like, it definitely doesn't feel like a mutually obsessed with each other situation, it feels like he's the one in constant need of her presence (see how in 2x16 she says she wants a night alone and he shows up anyway)

but like 2x15 where she lays into jess about the bracelet and how important it is to rory (though he did not take it out of malice and he put it in her room BECAUSE rory was so distressed) instead of realizing how insane it is that rory is afraid to tell her boyfriend she lost something he gave her because she knows he'll make it a bigger thing than it is (like sure tbf she IS starting to feel less in that relationship than she once did but losing the bracelet has nothing to do with that)

or say 2x09 she sees rory freaking about dean and tristan interacting and dean potentially finding out about the kiss and lorelai herself acknowledges that it would hurt dean to find out rory and tristan kissed after they broke up even though ya know he dumped rory on their anniversary and she was heartbroken and even later she tries to help rory convince dean not to come to rehearsal to help her daughter prevent a fight that should not happen bc rory did not cheat on him!! like i understand it would be upsetting to find out your partner kissed someone the day after you broke up but like. rory was allowed to do whatever she wanted because she was single

and on a different note in 2x19 i think lorelai treats it differently because it's jess and she simply doesn't want rory to be connected to him but when she asks lorelai to tell dean she's with lane if he calls, she reacts instead like "oh i don't wanna lie to dean" though she knows damn well it will be a big thing if he learns rory is tutoring jess, that he will not be able to accept rory spending one on one time with him when he couldn't even handle her hanging out with him and paris in 2x16 ("he must have been crazy mad last night" lorelai says the next day when while she was not there to witness the whole thing she DOES know that rory was sharing a meal with two friends and dean showed up and freaked out) and that's proven when he returns home and finds out about the car accident and it shifts from concern at seeing rory injured to angrily kicking his duffel bag when she hands him a letter (because god she's too afraid to just say it and begs him to keep reading i hate it i hate it i hate it)

and it's funny that she "doesn't wanna lie to dean" when she gets involved in their relationship on other occasions like 2x13 he goes running to lorelai about jess and rory going off together when jess buys her basket and later lorelai goes on about her and dean's concerns about rory hanging out with jess like the two of them are teamed up to keep rory away from him it's just sdkjfks

it's so frustrating because fandom goes on about rory's infidelity (though it's yet another thing they ignore when it comes to paris cheating on her long time boyfriend in a full blown affair which hey if they were at least pointing out the way she was manipulated by an older man at only 19 then that would be different but they're really not or lorelai and christopher sleeping together while he's still very much in a relationship with sherry) and i HATE cheating i do but i will generally give fictional characters a pass for a slip up (like her kisses with jess while with dean and logan bc each were one time instances) so the only valid one to me to be mad about is sleeping with dean while he was married but even that he lied to her and told her the marriage was over even though it wasn't and also it was just a dumb plotline for the drama of it all but we're not gonna get into that now

but the point is like....at every turn everyone particularly lorelai was going on about how perfect her relationship with dean was and how good he is to her despite all evidence to the contrary so of course rory was confused and felt she had to stay with him. if not for lorelai being overly involved rory might've been able to just get out of that relationship, whether it was to be with jess or not, she could've realized how uncomfortable and arguably unsafe she felt and also that her love for him wasn't what it once was but instead she stayed because she felt obligated to and somehow rory is in the wrong for stringing dean along when lorelai was trying to push her closer to dean and away from jess (in fairness in 3x01 she did say rory had to decide between the two but she's also going on about how patient and supportive dean has been - not true - and sort of implying that jess couldn't be serious about her so like that along with jess/shane probably influenced rory's decision to try to stay with dean longer)

like it really seemed like she at least in part was trying to keep rory with dean just so she wouldn't be with jess but also even before jess came into the picture and was really a hindrance in rory and dean's relationship, lorelai saw all this shitty behavior from dean whether directly or just from rory telling her (who could have downplayed it but we didn't see a lot of those scenes in the aftermath of dean being shitty and possessive and whatnot) but it's just like oh my god how many times can you see all this and knowing your daughter and what kind of person she is still figure that she's in the wrong and dean is in the right instead of seeing that there are deep issues in the relationship that are not and never have been rory's fault

[iantimony]

this tuesdaypost was drafted on monday, please clap

we are cookin with Gas this week

listening: listened to antimai a few times through, favorite track i think is 'ring 5: middle class'. dorian electra - man to man: really fun video too charasho (benny friedman): was linked in jew chat. very charming and funky. 5 Old French Dances: No. 5. Le Basque (arr. for 2 recorders and harpsichord): i heard this a billion year ago on the radio (my wakeup radio station on my alarm clock is classical) and i finally got around to saving a link for it. very bouncy very cute. makes me think of rabbits running in circles a la beatrix potter.

EDIT TO ADD: i also finally listened to beyonce 'cowboy carter'!! i know im late! it's good i like it! not a revolutionary opinion! obsessed with her jolene cover! that's all!

reading: big one this week! i FINISHED 'the left hand of darkness'! i really liked it! still marinating on the themes etc. i started 'the dispossessed', also by le guin, and am devouring that as well. there's some stuff in there that oof ough. existential. but i'm liking it so far, i'm around chapter 5 right now. physicists!

fanfic: imposter syndrome (mikkeneko): i might have already linked it but i can't be assed to go back through a few weeks of tuesdaypost to see if i already have. so if i did, here it is again. really charming premise, gut-punch of an ending, cool twist on the doppelganger setup from dungeon meshi with svsss.

the articles, some of which were actually read a while ago but i forgot to link and am now cleaning out my phone tabs: how will the golden age of 'making it worse' end? (david roth) new canada policy lets indigenous people reclaim their names (emma bowman) what happens to the stay-at-home girlfriend after a breakup? (erika w smith) unschooling is the parenting trend that's pissing everyone off (ej dickson) in defense of 'coffee badging' (monica torres): if i had a job that was all zoom calls i would literally go insane over being made to go into an office to take zoom calls. fuck that what my mother's wardrobe taught me about style and grief after she died: thinking a lot about all my dad's shit will semen destroy your shower drain? granny davis' geocaching page: found when i was looking at some reviews for caches near my apartment. im kind of obsessed with her. she also has a facebook page called 'granny's geo page' if you don't have a geocaching account. literally she is everything to me. she has found So Many fucking geocaches good god. wedding trivia questions: used as reference to create some wedding trivia for a bridal shower! similarly, the wikipedia page for morganatic marriages my fight with a sidewalk robot (emily ackerman): my school has these. hate them. my boyfriend just linked this to me and im obsessed, laser etched paperweights, i am not a huge paperweight girlie but wowwww prettyyyyy. the electron orbitals!!!! i had a search open for "anti mega #1 cray street". i have no idea what this is.

special edition: the link dump from my trip to the uk last month! some very related to the trip itself, a few random extras! top of the poops, an architectural firm bc i saw a sign with their logo and thought it was cool but now i can't find their logo, waring ader space invaders because i saw someone's shirt with the little space invader guys and was like ooh the tate museum joel meyerowitz (and another page about him) wikipedia on gratin dauphinois, wikipedia page on doncaster for some reason i did not go there list of artworks at the national portrait gallery of scotland wikipedia page on the jacobite uprising of 1745 washi tape that would match the edinburgh one i bought there, tintin in the land of the soviets postcard that i didnt end up getting wikipedia for a quaich which is a traditional scottish bowl, a wiki page on the geology of arthur's seat, a book in the scottish national galleries that i thought about purchasing but didn't want to try and fit in my luggage (she is definitely one of my new favorite artists though) wikipedia page on lauryn hill for some reason not sure how i got there, wikipedia page on salome halpir this post was on tumblr and i tried to find the item in the victoria and albert museum but it was sadly not on display, one of the audio guides i listened to a bit of in the v & a, a scarf i almost bought in the v & a a google search for the fabric library at harrods because my mom mentioned that it existed but i could not find it search for blinq (apparently spelled that way) blossoms because of a cocktail my brother's friend ordered that had one as a garnish wikipedia page on the mechanical explanations of gravitation

watching: from wool to cloth using a historical weaving technique (jillian eve): oughhh colors

emma in the moment/made in the moment: a deep dive into the chunky boy crochet lore the crochet stardew valley pillow drama untangling the shocking tale of mystical creations yarn i tried red heart's new all in one granny square yarn

some crochet tips videos from play hooky with me

tiffanyferg: 'personal style' discourse hgtv is a gentrification masterclass cleantok villains and the morality of messiness

playing: a teeny bit of wizard101

making: fallow. well i guess i drew on some cards for my friend's bridal shower. but generally fallow.

eating: made deb smittenkitchen's delicious carrot cake recipe. mine was a little ugly but really really delicious. i bought a bag of preshredded carrots and just sort of roughly chopped em up a little smaller because i couldn't be assed to grate them. i also couldn't be assed to trim the cakes, i did two smaller round pans and stacked them up but because i didn't trim them they were a little wibbly. oh well.

i'm going to bake another cake for my brother's birthday next weekend and i'm between her chocolate olive oil cake (looks really easy) and bittersweet chocolate and pear cake (a little more involved but highly recommended by bee)

misc: my mom wanted to take a sailing class but didn't want to do it alone so she offered to pay for me to come. sure, said i! i have never sailed! i like learning new skills! reader, it is So Fucking Hot Outside. the wind died and we had to get towed back to shore. the sun was so strong. there are so many ropes with all different names and they all Do Something. sunday's class got cancelled/rescheduled because the weather was That Bad (hot as fuck and no wind) so we're doing it probably friday instead (and saturday. and sunday. it's two weekends in a row of both days at 9am yayyyyy) but i just hope the weather is. better.

[placeinthisworld]

I’m that anon and this might sound over the top but I genuinely feel so so so heard right now because for the longest time when I followed them their takes and the way Taylor just fully consumes their life made me feel drained. I remember always side eyeing how they would conveniently side step criticising Taylor whenever she would genuinely mess up like saying oh they’re not a part of that group so they don’t want to take up space but it’s like okay I get it, hell I can even respect that but why aren’t you reblogging posts criticising Taylor made by the people she has directly hurt from her actions then. the way that fans go into dissecting very minute details over there sometimes made me think of how inevitable it is for Taylor to not grow and change cuz these are the blogs that always filled up Taylor’s feed and realistically fans like this is what she’s exposed to and on a human level I can’t imagine being treated as if every minor action of mine is worth extensive praise. The mental development of a celebrity impacted by being placed on such high pedestals has always intrigued me. I won’t lie there was a time, whenever I came home from school I would sit and obsessively consume only Taylor content and would be very defensive over her in real life as well but ( and I’m not trying to be super judgemental here) I can’t imagine being that committed to protecting, coddling, praising and borderline worshipping somebody like that when I know that individual never even considers my existence for like a second, I genuinely can’t imagine doing this for years and years and never growing past it especially with everything Taylor has done.

I still remember how condescending and truthfully mean they were being to anons when some fans questioned why Taylor swapped out invisible string for the 1 and they defended joe so so so much as if they were his lawyer or something but as soon as they broke up the absolute switch up kind of floored me cuz I always thought that they genuinely started liking joe for his work at one point cuz of how much they would place him on a pedestal as well before but damn I got whiplash from soo many blogs after the breakup. I know this turned into a giant rant and I’m so sorry but it’s just I’ve never come across anybody that felt the same way cuz generally literally everybody praises that blog and treats it like royalty sometimes so it’s like getting to vent to somebody for the first time 😅😅😔😔

100000000% bestie i agree with everything you’ve said 😭

i followed them too for the longest time and always kinda followed that same mindset too. but something changed when eras started that made me just kinda….feel like there was a tswift overexposure/ blowup where it suddenly felt like people were only online again to gain clout, and then the breakup happened and everyone and their mom was suddenly a diehard swiftie with all these opinions about it and it started to make me feel icked out by the way people just…..casually discussed and debated/speculated about her personal life and their entire relationship without knowing really anything more. when the breakup happened i definitely saw the switch from just another swiftie to literally suffocating up taylor’s asshole. i mostly blame tumblr too for giving them that attention lol i think that definitely fed into their dialogue. i remember being kinda sad when i unfollowed but knew it was better for me bc their interactions with anons and their opinions were so wild lol. i also remember starting to feel like i was a bad fan/ swiftie if i couldn’t defend taylor like that in good conscience so i figured disengaging would be enough, but then meathead came into play and suddenly their narrative became clear that they were really just ready to support and defend taylor about absolutely everything (and then somewhere along the way they blocked meeeee and ngl i wa so caught off guard bc i had unfollowed so long before that i couldn’t even tell you when it happened or like what i said to cause if LMAO i’m sure it was one of my criticism posts about taylor but like still find it funny!) because at the end of the day we’re all just fans seeing what taylor wants us to see and nobody really has any insight as to what taylor is thinking or how she feels, yes even if you spent a few hours with her once 5+ years ago……

overall is been a very eye opening experience as to how parasocial relationships develop and how weird people are on social media…..i always said (jokingly) that swiftism was a disease but like i actually feel like it is

[aprillikesthings]

YOOO time for more she-ra rewatch

lolol at myself bc when I opened Netflix it was clear I'd left it paused right at the end of that sword-dragging scene eheheheheheh

so I watched it again

ahem, anyway

s1 ep 10, the beacon

my headphones aren't buzzing this time, thank fuck

(lol I got real distracted during this one)

oh right they all think Entrapta's dead

Also ADORA STOP

I mean I can't blame any of them for feeling that way

lol and then I got distracted and wrote a bit on my fic--I got some ideas at work today and wanted to pursue them.

and by "ideas" I mean I suddenly thought "hey remember that one bad breakup when you were 23, how the weekend after when you were alone in the house you cried so hard you worried you couldn't stop and started to panic and hyperventilate, and it only ended because a friend called to check on you? you should put that in the fic :D"

back now.

I dunno if they meant to do this, but to me it looks like Adora's WAY more upset than Glimmer and Bow are. I know part of it is her blaming herself.

yeah that's not good

"I'll recharge, stop glitching, and my mom never has to know :)" that's not how that works bb but okay

(hordak is speaking here)

And...that's a good point. She-Ra is even more dangerous than Hordak thought before, because she was part of the Horde and knows a LOT about them.

BAHAHAH I WAS WAITING FOR THIS

So this is one of the episodes I watched the first time with Daci over rabb.it. (That was actually our first "date," which is THE MOST LESBIAN THING EVER. Literally watching She-Ra online together in voice chat because we were long-distance.)

And I know this because I made a joke post about it to tumblr referencing K/DA, my fandom obsession at the time. That was on April 30th, 2019. I think that was the day Daci bought the plane tickets for their first visit. They moved in with me less than a year after that first visit.

Okay I looked up that date in our discord chats and

EIGHT HOURS lolol okay we watched the show the day before I made the post. Also Daci had just bought the plane tickets I was right-- that visit was the last weekend in June.

We'd been flirting for months but I didn't actually believe Daci was serious about it until they bought the plane tickets. And then the NEXT WEEKEND after watching she-ra and Daci buying those tickets my dad had a brain hemorrhage and we took him off life support a few days after that, and Daci and I started video chatting EVERY DAY because I was alone in the house and off work for two weeks of bereavement leave.

ANYWAY OFF TOPIC

Fuck one of my keys is acting up and the the paintbrush I use to dig under my keys to fix it is upstairs where Daci is sleeping, if I drop any r's that's why

I mean that seems fair. Also: Emily!!!

I'm trying to suppress how hard this is making me laugh and FAILING

Also her nose is wiggling omggg

Did you know it's canon that Catra is entirely covered in hair like an actual cat? Or at least it's "word of God" via the showrunners on twitter. But outside of fan art by furries nooooobody includes that. Especially not in fic. Which is fine. Because I personally do not want to write that. Her ears are fuzzy, the marks on her arms are just birth marks, but the hair on her body is just normal human body hair and that's it.

THAT SAID I think I've only read one fic that intentionally included her sense of smell being stronger, and it was referenced in ONE LINE for smutty reasons eheheheheheh

Anyway it's this fic and it's by a friend and it's good

SURPRISE!

Catra's expression is so often some variation on "...the fuck?"

Literally read a fic last week with a scene about how getting ill in the Horde was a good way to end up dead from a combination of bad nutrition/healthcare and being a victim of bullies but I cannot remember which fic it was

NO WAIT it's this one I think. I've still got two chapters to go reading that fic because I've been intentionally savoring it, the character stuff is just SO GOOD and it's just such the opposite of my own writing style. (But it's also the fic that has a scene of "Adora has a nightmare and injures Catra in her sleep," and I really hope nobody thinks I copied it considering I wrote mine before I read it in their fic, aaugh)

oh god there's a gif I can't find of a guy pressing his lips together like he's trying not to laugh and then looking at the camera and if you know the one: that one

Entrapta and her lack of ability to understand personal space or normal boundaries is just so great but also the phrase "another woman's tail" is just perfection

Yeah yeah I know Catra's being a manipulative little shithead here but also if I were to meet Entrapta and she didn't mind I would absolutely be twisting her hair CONSTANTLY just like I do my own

the weird noises she's making must've been so much fun to voice-act

So like, the whispering woods are like that one forest the hobbits walk through in the book version of lord of the rings where the trees keep like, closing in on them?

DEEP SIGH

that's the name of a g-idle song

oh right I see what's going to happen here

DO YOU THO

DO YOU

she's trying to comfort Shadow Weaver after immediately insulting her, bc of course she is

DIE, BITCH

"I was hard on you, I won't deny it; and I won't apologize. I just wanted to prepare you for the world. I just wanted you to be strong. :(" BULL FUCKING SHIT

well, for a given definition of "strong"

oh shit

Yeah that's a weird thing to bond over but okay

I dunno why they did the cute little fangie thing here but I'm not complaining

Okay so her face is stupid here (couldn't get a screenshot that included the caption and not the terrible face) BUT she really leaned into the sexy voice for this one and I made a noise and my laptop nearly slid to the floor pfft

[justalia]

okayyy so i’m boutta just vent tbh and i’m asking for advice. i’ve been a little lost so i might ask other accs lol. basically i’m 17 and i was in a relationship with this kid for a year. we were on and off but we never broke up for more than a week. i knew abt the law of assumption so i used that to my advantage everytime we broke up. this time when we broke up in april it didn’t work…. i learned from sammy that all you have to do is affirm and persist and i did that all the time. well now it’s may and lemme tell you, i don’t have that man 😐. now that we’ve been broken up he’s actually been a whore. yk that is my fault bc that was definitely my assumption. i told myself he’s a whore and he’s gonna be one and that he doesn’t care which showed up in my 3d. he had volleyball season and he asked for girls snaps and literally went to six flags with one of this girls. then he constantly is being a whore, flirting with girls who i hate (and he knows) 24/7. i applied states to this once because i see them every single day in class and it worked but then 10 minutes later it was different. i’ve been in a relationship before him too and i definitely want a boyfriend but idk if i should go with him again. if i don’t choose to manifest him again, i want that man obsessed with me for the rest of his life… i’m genuinely such a possessive and jealous person and he knows that bc he is too so the stuff he’s done….if we got back together i would need him on his knees crying and begging for me back. dude has me blocked rn tho…and you guys recommend to go straight to the end. but i want that man crying like a little baby apologizing at my house with flowers and shit. like would that still happen if i went straight to the end of me and him getting back together? idk if i want to manifest him or my dream dream man. i think i’m still attached. i just want him to apologize and shit and then after revise all of it. he’s always been a good bf tbh so this rly all started to happen once i assumed he didn’t gaf. but that man gave me princess treatment. and i love his family and his home. and he’s always being cute and taking me out and stuff but after all that he’s doneeeee??? idk. either way i still want him to be sobbing on his knees telling me how miserable he is without me but can that really happen if i just go straight to the end? bc i don’t see him as the type to cry. he only started acting like a bitch once we broke up. i see him as the person with a bunch of ego. and i’m using the distraction technique.

girl-

if you want a relationship w that man you need to forgive him for what he has done OUTSIDE of the relationship BASED ON YOUR ASSUMPTIONS!!! how the fuck can you be so mad at him when you recognize he is only acting like that bc you assumed he would? how is that his fault? why are you mad he’s simply enjoying his single life instead of being miserable for the breakup when you literally decided that’s how he was gonna act? makes no sense if you ask me. you can’t desire an healthy relationship and want the person to be miserable for you just bc they are not as sad as you over the breakup (bc you assumed it) 💀

you’re the only one deciding your 3D hasn’t changed by taking it as fact and looking at it through your state of lack. if you say you switched state and saw movement right away and then got mad bc you didn’t get more were you really in the state of the wish fulfilled?? be honest w yourself. you can approach this manifestation by going to the end only after you have let out all your feelings of jealousy and resentment towards him, if you truly want a relationship w him and want it to last you need to forgive that man bc he was only acting according to your assumption. that’s all other people are able to do, mirror your assumptions.

you can decide to manifest your dream man by deciding his traits and giving them to your sp, you still seeing your sp as not your dream partner is keeping you tied to your current circumstances and not allowing him to show up in the way you want him to. again other people are just messangers of your assumptions.

you’re imagining to get instead of just imagining to be. imagination is the only reality and all you will ever be able to experience. your sp could come back right the fuck now and according to your current state you probably wouldn’t even believe a word coming out from his mouth and would dismiss him. bc again we are only ever experiencing imagination.

if you love someone why would you want him to cry? bc you are miserable over this and he isn’t? why would that be his fault? if you want to manifest him do it, if you prefer to move on do it but remember: other people are just reflecting your assumptions.

[1d1195]

Okay so this part was SOOO GOOD! I'm literally BUZZING with their reunion! I think it’s just so cute that she has kept so many notebooks about her and Harry even after all this time😭This speaks to the journal obsessed part of me lol and the fact that she thinks he’s moved on is CRAZY but im not surprised since she did get insecure about their relationship(fuck Lauren lol) so I ger her! The detail of the pic on the figure was just so 💔 bc MY MAN WOULD HAVE AND WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF HER😭 oh and that little part about how ‘hope” feels, bestie that was such a beautiful way to explain it! 

also the image of Harry in a fireman uniform… yeah I just know he’s so😵‍💫 is it kind of creepy he knew where she would be? Yeah but like idgaf THEY ARE SOULMATES so I'm choosing to believe that their bond was calling him to go there lol the KITTEN NAME DROP AFTER SO MANY YEARS MY HEART😭 but ugh god the mention of Lauren still being somewhat close to her MAKES ME WANT  TO SCREAM!!!(trust me I love it for the plot) Now I loved their balcony moment and it was nice to see how his instinct was just to take care of her! Oh tell me why I was giggling so hard about everyone’s reaction to Harry sending that text! And you know I love a good jealousrry moment even if it’s small! Though I did love the mention of how each of them mourns the loss of their friendship with her differently and going through a friendship breakup is just as painful! Was so sad for Louis :( BUT OVERALL I LIVED FOR THIS SAM!! So well written and I'm so excited where this story is going to go! Very excited!!! Loved it so much!

Hope you have a lovely and relaxing weekend! Wishing you the best! LOVE YOU!!-💜

I realized I was writing almost entirely from Harry's POV. I try REALLY hard to split the POVs from Harry and my MC. This part was completely uneven even after I added her part, but it just was SO much better from his perspective lol. But I did end up really loving the part I wrote from her POV. I thought the notebooks were a cute touch and I actually am really proud of the candle/hope analogy 😭🙈 sometimes I get an idea in my head and I'm like "It would be so cool if I could come up with something profound right now. Like John Green saying 'slowly, then all at once'." I'm not sure I'll ever get that, but I'll keep trying. But humbly, I do surprise myself with what I come up with solely because I have this moment of clarity where I'm like "Okay, I'm writing Harry Styles fanfic do I need to inform the masses about how I think roses are prickly and wildflowers are strong?" probs not. But it happens I suppose.

Spoiler/not spoiler I'm really looking forward to writing about her finding out that Harry hasn't moved on even a little 🤭 I'm glad you liked the journaling part! Our little writer girly wouldn't do anything less I don't think. I don't know if I knew you were a journal-er! I need to start keeping notes of you on my computer to consult after a year 😭 It would look like this:

has 4 dogs that don't like fireworks

studies psych (and takes way too many classes)

enjoys drag brunches and record stores

Paramore [Wikipedia page biographer?]

journals

enjoys thrifting (and can alter her finds!?)

Anti-Victoria's Secret

has a competent MALE therapist

But anyway 😭 I know you're more than this and I would so add more but it's a good starting point to keep track of things 💕

I probably glossed over the explanation of him just knowing where she was so YES we should assume it's just that soulmate connection that brought him to her. I SWEAR I saw an AI photo of him in a firefighting uniform. I'm also DESPERATELY trying to get on fireman TikTok for inspo and for my own personal gain 👀👀

I know we hate Lauren lol it's so funny what you guys pick up on because I don't even THINK about her at all when I think of this series 😭

I believe so fully that Harry would be the kind of guy that lays his jacket down on a puddle for her to walk across (probs shouldn't have said that, now I gotta come up with another analogy to write 🤣) so I wanted him to just fall right back into being so infatuated with her and taking care of her immediately. I figured I needed a mood lightener and them all worried about Harry was the best I could do on short notice 😅 I like to keep the friends in my stories as mostly minor characters (except for Traditional) mainly because I struggle to sustain prolonged interactions with others (I just want all my couples to live in their own little love bubbles). UGH I wanted to make him more jealous! But I think rationally, he wouldn't be jealous of his friends. Maybe I'll do it for the next part hehehehehe As it is not in my notes above, I believe I recall that you weren't TOTALLY into 1D but Louis was always denoted as the goofball and I think that was a gross underestimation of his emotions (see also the times I've said his lyrics are 👌) ANYWAY

Thank you for attending this week's book club 💕

FINALLY A QUIET WEEKEND 🎉 Hope yours is good too! 💕

xoxo

P.S. In true-Sam fashion, my lack of feedback on this part is making me so sad and feeling like it's an absolute flop. I wish I didn't write so much sometimes because my series tend to start off SO good but fizzle by the end. My one-shots do SO much better. But I want MORE to happen. Maybe I'm just bad at having stories progress? I know, I know, notes aren't everything and summer is a weird time for people and I know with Harry being MIA in real life people are missing him and not writing as much and also not reading as much. But yeah, it's part of why my updates are far between :/

[crushed-starlight]

UPDATE TIME YOU NEED SO MANY UPDATES FROM ME IT HAS BEEN ONE MILLION YEARS !!!!!!!!!

ok so . yknow how the main original point of this blog was for me to rant about my feelings for meadow? and then i slowly realized that this might not be the healthiest thing to pursue? WELL IT GOT WORSE.

over the winter break p much everyone went home to wherever they lived before uni. during that time, meadow hung out with their 2 friends from before and very quickly and chaotically fell in love with one of them ,, we'll call him wells 2, the sequel to wells in terms of people that meadow has liked that aren't me !!

over winter they got ,, very intimate very fast (it didn't help that wells 2 had just gotten out of a pretty long term relationship lmao) and i got to hear all about it in excruciating detail from meadow .. it was at some point around this time that i decided i desperately needed to stop crushing on them. i decided to just will it out of existence bc i was so tired of the pining and it had become painfully obvious that my feelings weren't reciprocated and i didn't feel like getting the hanahaki any worse.

thinking back on meadow as a person i noticed a lot of stuff that didn't occur to me originally because of the Big Feelings,, i also talked it over with fish and jiji (separately) which helped me realize what was going on a lot better. so here's some Things About Meadow that i Do Not Like !!

they rushed so fast into commitment with wells 2 in a way that i don't think i'd be comfortable with even if it were me..

there were ,, multiple omens. i'm not super spiritual anymore but i do believe in signs from the world and there were a few that i missed, specifically in terms of fictional parallels that showed up in really convenient times, like the world was trying to warn me by showing me mistakes that i could've made. those came in the form of felix love and lucy gray baird, the latter of which meadow literally introduced me to (we saw her movie together, i heavily related to her and meadow didn't like her for all the same reasons)

they don't match my energy !! they make me nervous !! even if it's in a lighthearted way, their teasing of my interests and stims and everything makes it harder to unmask (which i've been trying rly hard to learn) and ultimately makes me even more tired after spending a day with them

doesn't like snowball fights !! reddest flag i've ever seen

basically, meadow likes me, but he doesn't understand me. this'll sound self-obsessed, but my overall energetic optimistic outward personality is basically a product of coping strategies and adhd. i need someone who understands that, and values it as much as i do, if not more. meadow sees what's happening, i've explained it, but i don't think they have the capacity to fully understand since they cope so differently from me

in other news, chipi. i know he's into me, but the flirting died down a lot over the past few months...................... until it didn't !! over winter break, we spent tons of time on call with an online friend of mine ,, we'll call him cala. i did a little doodle of my roommates as weezer last night since i shared a reel of a different friend group doing the same thing, and chipi started asking which one he was because he 'wanted to know how i perceive him', so naturally i recreated the reel in post-it note sketch form. well literally just now as i was writing this post, i checked discord to double check cala's pronouns and saw that chipi had made the doodle his profile picture ............. wHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH THIS INFORMATION ??????

i'm not attracted to him, and i really don't want to lead him on. i literally sent him a valentines meme that said 'i LIKE you. as a friend ONLY' like i have been so so obvious about it and yet he persists.. i CAN'T date him , for one we're roommates so a breakup could get really ugly, and also there's about a million red flags. i think he feels understood by me in a way he hasn't experienced much before, which i don't want to take away !!

i haven't actively told him to stop flirting with me, since honestly i do like the attention. it's a huge confidence boost to know i'm even capable of being desired in this way.. he's so funny and likes me so much that it's really easy and so entertaining to spend time with him, plus i get flustered super easily and i know he enjoys it too, but i'm scared to accidentally lead him on because i know first hand how much that hurts, even when it's made abundantly clear. hell, i just watched it happen with myself and meadow, but now i'm on the other side.

i think i just need to trust him to look after his own emotional health through his crush on me, just like i did with meadow, and i hope that at the end of it we can still be friends!! i should probably tell cala about all this, since he's witnessed most of it first hand and is super understanding about every other emotional thing i've brought up so far. shit's wild over here

in other news i sang karaoke with odie and he's so cool if he weren't dating jiji i'd definitely be in love with him by now lmao

ok i think that's everything !! sorry i was gone for so long, i can't promise i'll stay but i hope these updates can be entertaining for someone :)

TL;DR for anyone following my lore ,, i needed to will my crush on meadow out of existence and just as i was doing that, chipi caught even bigger feelings for me and idk what to do about it lmao