#idk if this comes off as an anti lorelai post like i do like lorelai to be clear

[autumnrory]

i know it's just like, part of the show and like they probably did not realize what a monster they created with dean so of course they're not gonna have any of the characters acknowledge it and definitely not lorelai but it's crazy the things she does and how often she actually sides with dean over her own daughter

during the first breakup she's angry at him for hurting rory but then the second she finds out WHY he broke up with her she's like "oh i see now, i hate that you're afraid to say i love you" (which was a huge assumption on her part that it was all down to rory's fear and not that she just might not have been feeling it yet three months into her first relationship) instead of the reaction that she should have had which was: "that is a fucked up reason to break up with you and you should not ever feel pressured to say i love you back" AND THEN maybe she could get into talking about how it might be scary but if rory is actually feeling it, she should learn to take the leap and say the words anyway

there's at least two or three instances of mentioning how much he calls/making jokes about stalker behavior and i'm just like. okay i could sort of get it in the honeymoon phase if you're just that obsessed with each other but i don't see rory being that type in a relationship like she very clearly cared deeply and did fall in love with him but like, it definitely doesn't feel like a mutually obsessed with each other situation, it feels like he's the one in constant need of her presence (see how in 2x16 she says she wants a night alone and he shows up anyway)

but like 2x15 where she lays into jess about the bracelet and how important it is to rory (though he did not take it out of malice and he put it in her room BECAUSE rory was so distressed) instead of realizing how insane it is that rory is afraid to tell her boyfriend she lost something he gave her because she knows he'll make it a bigger thing than it is (like sure tbf she IS starting to feel less in that relationship than she once did but losing the bracelet has nothing to do with that)

or say 2x09 she sees rory freaking about dean and tristan interacting and dean potentially finding out about the kiss and lorelai herself acknowledges that it would hurt dean to find out rory and tristan kissed after they broke up even though ya know he dumped rory on their anniversary and she was heartbroken and even later she tries to help rory convince dean not to come to rehearsal to help her daughter prevent a fight that should not happen bc rory did not cheat on him!! like i understand it would be upsetting to find out your partner kissed someone the day after you broke up but like. rory was allowed to do whatever she wanted because she was single

and on a different note in 2x19 i think lorelai treats it differently because it's jess and she simply doesn't want rory to be connected to him but when she asks lorelai to tell dean she's with lane if he calls, she reacts instead like "oh i don't wanna lie to dean" though she knows damn well it will be a big thing if he learns rory is tutoring jess, that he will not be able to accept rory spending one on one time with him when he couldn't even handle her hanging out with him and paris in 2x16 ("he must have been crazy mad last night" lorelai says the next day when while she was not there to witness the whole thing she DOES know that rory was sharing a meal with two friends and dean showed up and freaked out) and that's proven when he returns home and finds out about the car accident and it shifts from concern at seeing rory injured to angrily kicking his duffel bag when she hands him a letter (because god she's too afraid to just say it and begs him to keep reading i hate it i hate it i hate it)

and it's funny that she "doesn't wanna lie to dean" when she gets involved in their relationship on other occasions like 2x13 he goes running to lorelai about jess and rory going off together when jess buys her basket and later lorelai goes on about her and dean's concerns about rory hanging out with jess like the two of them are teamed up to keep rory away from him it's just sdkjfks

it's so frustrating because fandom goes on about rory's infidelity (though it's yet another thing they ignore when it comes to paris cheating on her long time boyfriend in a full blown affair which hey if they were at least pointing out the way she was manipulated by an older man at only 19 then that would be different but they're really not or lorelai and christopher sleeping together while he's still very much in a relationship with sherry) and i HATE cheating i do but i will generally give fictional characters a pass for a slip up (like her kisses with jess while with dean and logan bc each were one time instances) so the only valid one to me to be mad about is sleeping with dean while he was married but even that he lied to her and told her the marriage was over even though it wasn't and also it was just a dumb plotline for the drama of it all but we're not gonna get into that now

but the point is like....at every turn everyone particularly lorelai was going on about how perfect her relationship with dean was and how good he is to her despite all evidence to the contrary so of course rory was confused and felt she had to stay with him. if not for lorelai being overly involved rory might've been able to just get out of that relationship, whether it was to be with jess or not, she could've realized how uncomfortable and arguably unsafe she felt and also that her love for him wasn't what it once was but instead she stayed because she felt obligated to and somehow rory is in the wrong for stringing dean along when lorelai was trying to push her closer to dean and away from jess (in fairness in 3x01 she did say rory had to decide between the two but she's also going on about how patient and supportive dean has been - not true - and sort of implying that jess couldn't be serious about her so like that along with jess/shane probably influenced rory's decision to try to stay with dean longer)

like it really seemed like she at least in part was trying to keep rory with dean just so she wouldn't be with jess but also even before jess came into the picture and was really a hindrance in rory and dean's relationship, lorelai saw all this shitty behavior from dean whether directly or just from rory telling her (who could have downplayed it but we didn't see a lot of those scenes in the aftermath of dean being shitty and possessive and whatnot) but it's just like oh my god how many times can you see all this and knowing your daughter and what kind of person she is still figure that she's in the wrong and dean is in the right instead of seeing that there are deep issues in the relationship that are not and never have been rory's fault