#bc i really wanna move on but there are a lot of things i have to do to tie things up here
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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the block button isnt enough i need to set things on FIRE
#SORRY. i just. jdskfjdskljfdskjlfjlk#someone reblogged a post. the post is a screenshot from [REDACTED]'s twitter apparently#so even tho i have [REDACTED] blocked here i will NEVER BE FREE#....but i didnt kow they had a twitter so i guess i gotta go block there too#it was YET AGAIN a situation of me going#oh thats a fun fanart- wait. wait i know that art style. is that [REDACTED]. god damn it.#UUGHGHGHGHGHGHGHHHHHH#at least they have a really distinct art style [to me anyway] so i almost always catch myself if a stray post ends up in my feed#i had the same reaction a while back when someone reposted their art on insta#the thing is a lot of their art is fine but#i had enough like.... eyebrow raising suspicion that i dont think i ever followed them#and then one day they Posted The Thing I Blocked Them Over and i just cannot have that near me EVER#no shade to anyone reblogging their stuff tho bc i feel like most ppl probs wouldnt know#but i bear the burden of knowledge. i saw that singular post and it is all tainted FOREVER#oh i already have them blocked on twitter LOL ok. good lord they have a lot of followers#DO THEY KNOW..... HAVE THEY SEEN....#god. one day im gonna start thinking i hallucinated that post but i know what i saw. and it was Really Gross 😭#sorry to be a vague little bitch i just dont wanna start shit and i also dont want to give people The Mental Image Im Cursed With#it's ok i have seen cute fanart now and i am healed im calm im normal im moving on
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#personal#ladies... its lovesickness on the menu again tn NDNNDNDNDMDMDNDMDMDMDM#god help me#i made it like 29 years without this. why now NFNDNDNNDNDNDNDMD#like ok im happy to be experiencing this in the sense that like... now ik what it feels like to really like someone#but man oh man is it... A Lot#and like maybe its this intense at any age. but idk..... it feels like So Much.....#and im freaking out bc i talk to my mom about it ok. and shes like oh ya that reminds me of how i felt with ur dad in the beginning n im#just... like ... o#bc my parents were like friends first and are like in Love love and have a v happy marriage so im just#the... Potential of having that n like oh god idk. i just dont know its all too much......#and im also like what if its all in my head. but then again like why is he waiting around for me n messaging me out of the blue.#i also caught him staring at me n looking away after i caught him. i just..... idk like i wanna Believe so bad but im so scared too........#im all over the place JDJDDMDMDMDMDMDMDNJDND#but i also am just..... i'll be patient .... bc rushing is no good#like idk. i feel like things have been Moving. and its not super fast but its a pace i can handle#bc ok say i Do ask him out or he asks me.... then oh fuck. then all the Scary things happen. like ok not scary#i dint think itd be scary with him#but idk.... physical... things. would start happening n like. id l9ve to hold his hand n like k___ him ok OK. but at the same time i just..#idk !!!!!!! im v shy !!!!!@@@@@ and ya. ....... idk 😭😭😭#like i like him so much that i think id want him to .... i just .. ya idk.#getting kind of ahead of myself here but what else is new
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FANTASTIC NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i finished & posted the ITNL 14 re-edits, WHICH MEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm officially done with my re-edits project!!!!!!!!!! :D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ive been thinking a lot today about my plans for ITNL 15, AND i have tomorrow off, so if all goes well i'll be able to start writing again. TOMORROW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and if the chapter grips me like i expect it will then... hehehehehe
could be an update in as little as a few days, depending. i'll keep u guys updated
#speculation nation#itnl shit#im SO fucking ecstatic man ive been looking forward to this for a month and a half#that took SO much longer than i was expecting it to. but i guess editing 75k words while working full time is kind of a lot#it has been a journey. and it is now complete.#and now i can move on to the NEW THINGS!!!!!!!!! INCLUDING a chapter id been looking forward to for So Long#it's for the best that i went thru the whole fic again. itnl 14 was so hard to write bc i was just Not that mentally there with it#and also uh. The Everything.#i think 15 will be easier. MUCH easier. and im really looking forward to having proper writing motivation again.#AND......... IF ALL GOES WELL.............. i'll hopefully be able to ride that motivation train through the next few chapters#Which Means we could be seeing wolfwood in as little as a few weeks!!! maybe!!!!!!!!#i hope so !!!!!!!!!!! i wanna write him SO fucking bad#and like itnl IS a vw fic. it IS. i SWEAR. it's just mostly been grieving and pining from vash so far lksdjflsdjkfsdlkf#but it will have actual vw. eventually.#im like practically vibrating now but i need to go to sleep. so i can have the brain strength to write tomorrow hehehe#i took a melatonin to hopefully knock myself out soon. i GOTTA get some good rest tonight. for the Writing Brain.#and if i daydream about the start of next chapter.... hehehehe#more power to me then :]
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idk i think my bf might be developing a drinking problem and i just don’t know what to do…..
#it’s been going on for a couple of months now but he promised he would stop and he had been doing well until today….#and it’s like. on one hand i never wanted to be w an alcoholic and i told him straight so he promised it would stop#but on the other hand i can’t just abandon him#and it’s like we used to go out a lot and party but like. that was it but ever since he met this guy he just gets lost when he drinks w him#and the thing was he got like aggressive like he didn’t do anything to me and i can’t really explain it but he just wasn’t himself#and like. we talked about it a million times and it’s not like it happens every week#it’s been like 5 times since december#but 3 have been on the past month alone#and two weeks ago it got bad like he almost got into an accident#and like i’m not even physically w him anymore like we really only see each other once a week since i moved#and from the very first time it happened i told him i couldn’t be w him if it kept happening#and after that incident two weeks ago he swore it was the last time but it just happened again#by the way he and that guy get wasted it really is a miracle they get home alive#and like. idk what to do#i really don’t want to be w someone like this#and i hate feeling like this like if i were to think only about myself i don’t want this i hate feeling like this#but i also can’t abandon him#like not even bc i would miss him or whatever i just wouldn’t feel good leaving him alone#but like i don’t want to live like this#maybe i’ll ask for some time to just figure things out#but it’s gonna suck so bad bc we were supposed to see kendrick lamar next week and then we already had plans for his bday and omfg#i don’t wanna leave but i don’t want things to be like this either#and i asked him to stop and gave him multiple chances but idk#i just don’t know what to do#i love him endlessly but i need to put myself first but i can’t abandon him:(#and our 1.5 anniversary was also next week…..#but i think time is the sanest and safest thing right now
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no hate to teenage girls but i really badly do not want to read colleen hoover
#yall im fine with you having interests i dont have but now you are using it to harm others#so basically in my english class im in a book club with 3 girls#and we had to pick a book to read for class#and all three of them decided on “it ends with us”#i know theyve all heard a lot of good things about it#bc they told me that#but personally my take on it after the first 20 pages is that it is so heterosexual i want to vomit#like i can stand heterosexuality but i really cant stand THIS MUCH heterosexuality#i told all of them point blank that this book is REALLY not my jazz and they all basically said#“well.... i REALLY wanna read it”#well im the only one in my book club who doesnt REALLY want to read it#so honestly it would be unfair for me to refuse and then all these girls who really wanna read it dont get to#that would just be an asshole move#so now i have to read 100 pages of colleen hoovers heterosexual bs before tuesday#:(#three pigeons in a trench coat
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hmmm
#so. do you guys remeber stickers guy#the pretty person that asked me for stickers once and i could barely respond bc i found him so attractive i was panicking. Well#we're friends now! we've been friends for like three months? he came to my birthday party and everything!#and i still. find him really attractive#and i didnt try anything w him beforehand bc he had just gotten out of a relationship and I was in a sort-of-situationship with someone else#(which ended in nothing btw )#but now he's over his ex.... and said today to ME 'im open to everything. pretty guy i see pretty guy i like' he said as a joke but also#like in 'im open to relationships again' way#and i really wanna make a move#but i don't know if it's a good idea??? like im godawful at flirting. i have almost zero experience in this area man#and idk if he only sees me as a friend yknow#but if it doesn't work it's not the end of the world either in the sense that i still like him as a friend a lot and like woukd be okay with#staying friends#but i just don't want things to be AWKWARD you know??? i wanna keep being his friend#and AAGHHHHH idk if i should just explode actually#lennie.personal#don't reblog
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#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much#it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with#i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown#friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any#close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it#would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely#i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with#other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too!#it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes#it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know#like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk#to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that#i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that#it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have#more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i#don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so#they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine#wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine#and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom#which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn#anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed#i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight#shut up hanna
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#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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not me trying to stick to one storyline but then having a new idea come to me in a fucking dream of all places 😔🤡
#i have an idea for a family#a bit eccentric of a family#that moves around a lot#and travels#the kids are homeschooled#i wanna start them in granite falls#maybe living in an rv camp#and then they'll travel around a bit...selvadorada and mt. komorebi and whatnot#and i think i wanna play without money cheats so they'll do odd jobs and stuff to make ends meet#i need to download a few mods first#UGH#u guys must hate me lmao i abandon everything#but nora is still gonna be played#clem and marnie too i just need motivation back for that save#but i like this idea bc once i get bored i can just have them move to a new world and try new things#and i REALLY want a long-lasting legacy save#will this be it? probs not knowing me but who knows
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one day I'll go insane and release a 234 page essay on why I love Wheatley X GLaDOS so much and its underrated and Love as a construct [link] is the best fanfiction I've ever read as long as u stop reading After chapter 26 bc imo after that it gets a bit repetitive and jumps the shark a bit and if u see the tags u might understand KJNSDFGKJNFDSD
but the very basics of it, is it's that two very bad people with a ton of truama learning to become better via each other <3. Also its weirdly disliked by a lot of portal fans for being... Abusive,,, which is hilarious considering both Wheatley and GLaDOS are canonical abusers who may regret their actions by the end sure but are still on some level very abusive people to Chell. I think that's also one of the reasons I love Gladley just bc it doesn't feel like Chell has to get into a relationship with these two people that canonically I think she's absolutely had enough of dealing with.
#ramblez#portal 2#gladley#wheatdos#they are t4t they are both bi they both dont identify as those things bc they have no idea what they mean#they are both awful people and they love each other so much they become better#they are both the victims of their own stupid actions and truama and got countless people killed-#they both hate humans/generally do not care for them#Im just saying the fandom sleeps on it hard.#and its the like the number one portal 2 ship for me forever nothing else even compares#GLaDOS was in love with Chell and she treated her awfully time to move on bitch#Chell doesnt owe either of them a second chance shes going off to lead her own life now good for her#Wheatley is the cringe fail malewife and GLaDOS girlbosses every day#Wheatley mansplains and manipulates and GLaDOS gaslights and gatekeeps-#I literally could write an essay on that fic btw its like literally my favorite fic ever#not joking at all its one of the best pieces of fiction Ive ever read#that fic got me through so much in life#its handling of abuse both in the past and in the present oh its so good but not heavyhanded but not so subtle its unaddressed#theres so many plot points in it I just want to disect and talk abt but I dont wanna spoil it here so AAAAA idk maybe for another post-#I also wanted to rant on how Wheatley is in fact an awful and really mean person and the fandom doesnt really address that a lot#but like I've said omg this post is getting long already for another time maybe-
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Am I allowed to be negative on here about stuff for a minute? Pretty please?
I don't really think that things are gonna change for the better/ get better for me at this point tbh
#Like. I know things constantly change and nothing stays the same but I don't really think it'll get much better y'know.#Lik#I get paid 8.50 an hour to fucking wipe 3D glasses off and retrieve golf balls and get covered in gross mystery liquid bc im in charge of -#-- trash and I have to argue with grown ass men about a claw machine not working.#I don't really think that's gonna change and I don't think I'm ever gonna be able to move out of this house or live on my own or anything -#-- like that or start dating or be the type of normal I want. Just a lot of decisions leading up to me being stuck here forever and yeah.#Shit sucks#Tbc I'm NOT fishing for It gets betters or stuff like that. If I could turn comments off for this post I would lol I really appreciate any#-- concern and stuff but I am Okay#I'm still doing everything I'm still going through the motions even tho the motions suck ass. It's just that I'm constantly --#-- positive and that gets really really hard sometimes lol. Like. My mental health doesn't do well if I'm not forcing myself to be --#-- disgustingly positive so I am. A lot. But it's HARD and sometimes I just wanna admit that no actually it DOESN'T feel like everything --#-- is gonna be okay and that I actually do kinda not like my life lol#I'm good I'm fine I'm just bitching and moaning#I . Wrote this last night bc I couldn't sleep but sent it to the drafts of hell lol. Today's gonna be so fun /sarcasm#Besties I'm fine please please please seriously I'm good#Just pretend Tumblr has a Turn comments off feature lmao#Y'all can seriously ignore this#Will probably delete later but what's the point of Tumblr if not to embarrass yourself by oversharing lol
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having did and being online in any capacity is so fucking exhausting because you literally can't go anywhere without seeing the most heinous takes about your existence or validity it's like. can we be normal. can we please be normal and Chill for like two seconds.
#HEADS UP: this accidentally turned into a huge rant/vent feel free to get the hell out el oh el#i try reallly hard not to talk about it too much here because you can. offhandedly mention the mere concept of did or osdd or any#dissociative disorder and its like. people will not shut up about how its not real or how its people being delusional or kids being cringe#like. can we go. two seconds without treating people with mental disorders like a spectacle. please. you dont have to have a ''take'' on it#idk and i also avoid online did communities bc theyre the most exhausting spaces you can ever be in and theres constant fighting about#literally anything and everything. like. maybe i would like to find a space to meet other people with similar experiences to my own.#and we dont get that!! we literally cannot get that. and this goes for a lot of mental health related stuff but like my god#and im very lucky to have other people i know in real life who also have did so i can in some amount have that support system (hah.)#but it is EXHAUSTINGG that people cannot go literally a day without saying something stupid about systems#or i can be following someone for years and unprompted they will saysomething heinous thing about did and hide it behind something like#get a load of how weird and cringey kids are getting online these days.#and CHRISTT thats a whole OTHER issue i REALLY dont wanna talk about because it has its own whole set of nuances but like jeeeesus#is it really so hard for people to grasp that brains when exposed to traumas at a young age will be affected by it in weird ways.#idk man ive been seeing a lot of offhanded disregard for systems recently and it's so normalized and it's starting to get to me i guess#i wish people could just go well this is something i dont understand and dont need to have an opinion on and move on with their lives.#what the hell ever this is all to say having did has impacted my life in a lot of complicated and intricate and hard to explain ways and it#sometimes painful and awful but other times is an incredible experience and ALSO. most IMPORTANTLY !#i should be able to make jokes about BEING FRIENDS with SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!! in REAL LIFE!!!#and not have to deal with SUICIDE BAIT IN MY INBOXX BECAUSE OF IT!!!#WHATEVERRR !!! RANT OVARRR I HAVE NOODLES TO MAKE AND EAT#.... WITH my friend SHADOW!!!#.txt#and btw this isnt about anyone ik here so dont worry im not upset with any mutuals etc etc and all that.#in fact i love getting the chance to chat about it n it can be fun to teach stuff to people who know how to like...be normal about it LOL#<3
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OK WAIT here's a ITNL chapter 14 section that's not really spoilers. just a sweet lil section
after this is where it's more Spoilers. but for now. HERE U go. happy birthday vash & also Uhhhh @ ITNL readers I PROMISE i am working on the chapter. things r just hard lol
#speculation nation#itnl shit#spoilers bc of uhh. Conversation. i wanna keep the conversation a secret for now lol#not bad spoilers it's just better digested as a whole probably#ANYWAYS heres some more vash & kaite bro time. god im gonna miss kaite when we gotta say goodbye to him#but he's still here for now and he gets to watch vash tinker with his (very internally fried) arm#before and after this section is vash inspecting the damages & thinking of what he can do to try to fix it#which i do have a lot written. but im gonna be going thru it for accuracy & also keeping in mind the thing from earlier#the possibility that average operational power of his arm comes from vash himself rather than extra batteries#this is with the assumption that a (relatively) small output of electricity is not smth that would fuck with his lifespan#just a normal expenditure of energy. like moving his flesh muscles. just a constant lil stream of electricity that he gets from eating & w/#no need to dip into his life reserves for it. bc if he did that would get impractical.#idk im going to think about it more. i really dont Need to figure out how his arm works#but listen. ive built a robot before. im in polytech. i wanna think about wtf his arm actually Is#even if this is coming in the context of all the internal wires being blown & a bunch of shit straight up Melted#his arm is... very very blown... he's gonna be going one-arm for a While still lmao. oh well#i think it's a good thing to remember that he is in fact physically disabled. he can make up for it Especially in a fight#but it still will inconvenience him in a lot of ways. cool biotech arm is cool but also it's nice to remember that he Is physically disable#and so i am embracing it. he's tinkering with his arm in his free time but if he has to spend weeks (or months) w/o his prosthetic#well that's just the reality he's gotta live#anywyas. Here u go. snippet. that's a few hundred words so idk if this counts as a snippet but im calling it a snippet. Here You Go
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god i cannot WAIT to have a desk again
#you mean i can put all of my art stuff ??? in one place???? and its easy to find and i know whwre everything is??????#oh my godddddd#hiiiiiii my beloved mutuals#my apartment is going excellent#i . really like it. which feels crazy. i have my own space again anf its actually like.... comfortable#or like. kind of comfortable. theres still boxes everywhere. but im WORKING ON IT#and i dont start work til sunday so like!!! i have all week!!!!!!#i get to watch youtube on the tv again.... i get to have space to move around and decorate again......#theres soooo much natural light in here augh#I HAVE A FIREPLACE. I HAD A FIRE IN MY FIREPLACE LAST NIGHT HOW CRAZY IS THAT. IN AN APARTMENT !!!!!!!!!!!!!#apparently thats like???? a standard thing for a lot of places here bc the winters get really snowy and cold but it makes me feel so fancy#my brother is visiting today and hes bringing my box of christmas decorations ohhh its gonna be so comfy cozy in here#anyway my desk gets delivered this afternoon and then i have to put it together etc etc BUT LIKE !!!!!! SO SOON#aaaughghghgh. im soooo so so hoping and praying that this job works out because im kind of in love with it here#i got a library card this morning.... the local library is GORGEOUS . and HUGE .#and i wrnt grocery shopping and didnt want to immediately die ???????????#i think thay is a good sign . i think i am in a good place. maybe .#i dont wanna speak too soon bc i Do still have to like my job but . maybe !!!! maybe there is hope for me after all
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