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olive-main · 1 month ago

Note

Hi hi! Ive just stumbled across your writing and i adore it so much! You capture Azriel so perfectly!! I don't really have much of a specific request in mind (but trust me, I'll think of one and come back if that's okay??) But could I ask for something with our Az and a super strong, independent, sarcastic reader. I just love the idea of totally smitten Azriel and just all the fluff. I'm so sorry this is so vague but

Happy holidays!!

No Damsels Here

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: A fiesty Valkyrie with a sharp wit and the brooding Shadowsinger find their lives slowly intertwined through training, quiet moments, and unexpected gestures, leading them to realize there may be a growing connection they can no longer ignore.

Wc: 2.7k

A/N: Ok be honest, did you hack into my account and read my drafts bcs….I had just the fic for this request rotting for far too long. I hope you enjoy, it’s not my fav since I think my writing is better now hence why it’s been in my drafts lol and it’s like semi proofread—BUT thanks to this request y’all get more fluff. Everyone say thank you! :b

Masterlist

——

The morning air is cool and sharp, biting at your skin as you jog toward the training ring, late as usual. The sun hasn’t fully risen yet, its rays barely spilling over the horizon, but Nesta is already there stretching, as she is every morning. Ever the Valkyrie.

“You’re late,” she remarks as you step onto the mat beside her.

“Fashionably late,” you correct, tying your hair back. “Besides, I needed an extra five minutes of sleep. Someone decided to keep me up last night with her endless talking about smutty romance novels.”

Nesta doesn’t bother to hide her smirk. “Don’t act as if you’re not interested in my books.”

Before you can retort, Cassian’s booming voice cuts through the quiet. “Alright, enough about your romance book things. You’re here to train, not gossip.”

You glance over the training grounds, your eyes instinctively flicking toward the familiar figure standing on the far edge of the ring. Azriel is adjusting the strap of his leathers, his wings half-furled behind him as he surveys the weapons laid out with his usual quiet focus.

Nesta catches the direction of your gaze and nudges you with her elbow. “Still brooding, isn’t he?”

“He’s not brooding,” you reply, a little too defensively. “He’s… serious.”

Nesta gives you a knowing look but doesn’t press further as Cassian begins pairing everyone off for sparring.

“Y/N,” Cassian calls, grinning wickedly. “You’re with Azriel today.”

You blink, trying not to focus on how your heart jumped. Across the ring, Azriel’s eyes meet yours, and for a moment, you think you see the faintest hint of amusement in his expression.

—

Sparring with Azriel is both exhilarating and frustrating. He’s fast—almost impossibly so—and he moves with a precision that leaves no openings. You’re strong and quick on your feet, but against Azriel, every strike feels like a gamble.

“You’re hesitating,” he murmurs, dodging your swing with ease.

“I’m calculating,” you snap back, twisting to block his next move.

His lips twitch, the faintest ghost of a smile. “You’re thinking too much.”

“And you’re talking too much,” you retort, aiming a strike at his side.

He blocks it effortlessly, his wings shifting slightly as he steps into your space. For a moment, you’re close enough to catch the faint scent of cedar and something darker, something so distinctly him.

“Focus,” he says, his voice low and even, and you can’t help the way your pulse quickens.

But you don’t let him see that. Instead, you smirk and lunge to the left before sweeping his legs out from under him. He lands on his back with a soft thud, his wings flaring slightly to cushion the fall.

“Gotcha,” you say, planting your hands on your hips.

Azriel props himself up on one elbow, looking up at you with an expression that’s almost impressed. “Not bad.”

“Not bad?” you echo, laughing. “That was a textbook takedown.”

From across the ring, Cassian claps his hands. “That’s my girl! Show him who’s boss, Y/N!”

You smile proudly at Cassian, bowing exaggeratedly before turning back to Azriel with a proud smirk.

“Again?” he asks, his tone calm but with a flicker of challenge in his eyes.

“Obviously,” you reply, and the sparring begins anew.

—

You’re sitting on the edge of the ring after the session, toweling the sweat from your face as the others disperse. Nesta sits beside you, nursing a bottle of water and watching Azriel, who’s speaking quietly with Cassian.

“You know he likes you, right?” Nesta says, breaking the silence.

You choke on your water. “What?”

Nesta gives you a look, one brow arched in that infuriatingly smug way of hers. “Don’t play dumb. He’s been watching you all morning.”

“He watches everyone,” you argue, though your voice lacks conviction.

“Not like this,” Nesta counters. “Trust me, I’ve seen the way he looks at you. It’s different.”

You shake your head, refusing to entertain the idea. “He’s just… observant. It’s his job.”

Nesta doesn’t respond, but her silence is louder than words.

—

Over the next few weeks, you start to notice the little things. The way Azriel lingers near you during training, offering quiet pointers or stepping in to demonstrate a move. The way he always seems to know when you’re pushing yourself too hard, handing you a water bottle or calling for a break just as your muscles start to protest.

And then there are the gloves. The day before you’d worn down your leather gloves to their last seam, small tears at the knuckles.

You find them waiting for you one morning, neatly folded and left on the bench where you always sit. They’re sleek and well-crafted, the leather soft and pliable. With your name written on a piece of parchment laid neatly on them, in his writing.

“Nice gloves,” Nesta remarks as you slip them on.

“They’re… new,” you say, frowning slightly.

“Azriel left them,” she says, her tone far too casual.

You freeze, glancing at her. “How do you know that?”

Nesta smirks. “Because I saw him put them there.”

You open your mouth to respond, but before you can, Azriel approaches, his expression as unreadable as ever.

“Do they fit?” he asks, his gaze flicking to the gloves.

You nod, flexing your fingers. “Perfectly. Thank you.”

He inclines his head, his lips curving into the faintest smile before he turns and walks away.

“Hopeless,” Nesta mutters under her breath, but you don’t bother arguing this time.

—

It’s late one evening when Azriel finds you sitting on the balcony of the House of Wind, staring out at the twinkling lights of Velaris below.

“Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, his voice soft as he steps into the night air.

You glance over your shoulder, surprised but not unwelcome. “Something like that.”

He leans against the railing beside you, his wings folding neatly behind him. For a while, neither of you speaks, the quiet stretching between you like a warm blanket.

Finally, Azriel breaks the silence. “Something is on your mind”

“Oh? Am I that easy to see through Shadowsinger?” you ask, turning to face him.

“No, not always” he says, his hazel eyes meeting yours. “But you only come out here when something is.”

You hesitate, unsure how to respond. But before you can, he continues, his voice low and steady.

“You don’t have to tell me,” he says. “But if you ever want to, I’m here.”

The sincerity in his tone takes you off guard, and for a moment, all you can do is stare at him.

“Thanks,” you say finally, your voice softer than usual.

He nods, his gaze lingering on you for a heartbeat longer before he turns back to the view.

The silence stretches, comfortable but crackling with unspoken words. You lean your elbows on the railing, the cool metal pressing against your skin. Azriel doesn’t move, his presence steady beside you, a quiet sort of comfort.

“So,” you say at last, breaking the stillness. “Is brooding a full-time job for you, or do you just do it in your free time?”

His lips twitch, though he doesn’t take his eyes off the city below. “Depends. Are you asking because you want tips?”

A laugh escapes you, sharp and unrestrained. “Please, I could out-brood you any day of the week.”

Azriel turns his head slightly, enough that you can see the amusement flickering in his hazel eyes. “I’d like to see you try.”

“Oh, you will,” you quip, straightening up and crossing your arms. “But don’t come crying to me when I leave you in the shadows.”

“I don’t cry,” he replies smoothly, his expression as impassive as ever.

You snort, shaking your head. “No, of course not. The great spymaster of the Night Court doesn’t have emotions, right?”

His mouth curves into the faintest smile, and for a moment, you swear you see something softer beneath the usual calm exterior.

“Wrong,” he says quietly.

The sincerity in his tone catches you off guard, and for once, you’re at a loss for words. Before you can respond, Azriel shifts, his wings rustling softly as he straightens.

“I should let you get some sleep,” he says, his voice low and even.

“Sure,” you reply, recovering quickly. “I’ll need it for when I take you down in training tomorrow.”

His soft chuckle is the last thing you hear before he disappears into the shadows, leaving you alone with your racing thoughts.

—

The next morning, you’re determined to shake off the lingering feelings from last night. You throw yourself into training with a vengeance, sparring with Nesta and Cassian until your muscles burn and your breath comes in ragged gasps.

But no matter how hard you push yourself, you can’t ignore the fact that Azriel’s eyes are on you. He’s not overt about it, of course—he never is. But you’ve gotten good at reading him.

“Do you think he’s capable of blinking?” you mutter to Nesta during a break, jerking your chin in Azriel’s direction.

Nesta smirks, following your gaze. “Why? Is it distracting you?”

“Hardly,” you scoff. “I just don’t want him pulling something from all that intense staring.”

“Maybe he’s impressed,” Nesta says, her tone teasing.

You roll your eyes. “He’s impressed by my fighting skills, obviously. Who wouldn’t be?”

“Obviously,” Nesta echoes, her smirk growing.

“Don’t start,” you warn, grabbing your water bottle.

Nesta raises her hands in mock surrender, but you can see the gleam in her eye.

—

After training, you’re stretching near the edge of the ring when Azriel approaches. You glance up, noting the slight crease in his brow as he surveys the scrape on your arm.

“You should get that looked at,” he says, nodding toward the cut.

“It’s nothing,” you reply, brushing it off. “Barely a scratch.”

Azriel doesn’t look convinced. He crouches beside you, pulling a small vial of salve from his pocket.

“Hold still,” he murmurs, reaching for your arm.

You consider protesting, but the look in his eyes stops you. So instead, you sit there, watching as his fingers work with careful precision, his touch surprisingly gentle.

“You know, this is the second time you’ve fussed over me this week,” you say, breaking the silence. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were trying to impress me.”

Azriel doesn’t look up, but you catch the faintest hint of a smile on his lips. “Is it working?”

The question takes you off guard, and for a moment, you’re not sure how to respond. So instead, you settle for sarcasm.

“Not yet,” you say, grinning. “But keep trying. You might get there eventually.”

His quiet laugh sends warmth curling through your chest, and as he finishes wrapping your arm, you find yourself wishing the moment would last a little longer.

—

Later that evening, you’re in the kitchen with Nesta, raiding the cabinets for a late-night snack.

“So,” she says casually, popping a grape into her mouth. “What’s going on with you and Azriel?”

You freeze mid-reach, turning to glare at her. “What do you mean, ‘what’s going on?’”

Nesta shrugs, far too nonchalant. “I mean, he practically hovered over you all day. And don’t think I didn’t notice him patching you up earlier.”

“It was a cut,” you say defensively. “Hardly life-threatening.”

“Uh-huh.” Nesta leans against the counter, studying you with those sharp eyes of hers. “And the gloves? Or the way he’s always watching you during training?”

You groan, pinching the bridge of your nose. “You’re imagining things.”

“I’m really not,” Nesta replies, a sly smile creeping onto her face.

“Well, even if he does… like me, that’s his problem,” you say, crossing your arms. “I’m not some damsel in distress, waiting for someone to sweep me off my feet.”

“No,” Nesta agrees, smirking. “But maybe you’re someone who could use a little… sweeping.”

You throw a grape at her, and she laughs, ducking out of the way.

—

The realization of Azriel’s attention lingers in your mind longer than you’d like to admit. You try to shake it off—try to convince yourself that it’s just his nature to watch everyone, to care quietly. But there’s a warmth to his gaze when it falls on you, a softness that feels different, deliberate.

And once you notice it, you can’t stop seeing it.

Like during training the next day, when Cassian barks at everyone to do laps. You’re running alongside Nesta, your legs burning and breath hitching, when Azriel quietly falls into step beside you.

“Don’t overthink your breathing,” he murmurs, his voice low enough that only you can hear.

You glance at him, eyebrows raised. “I’m not overthinking it.”

His lips twitch, almost imperceptibly. “You were counting your breaths.”

You narrow your eyes, your tone laced with mock offense. “You’re watching me breathe now? That’s not creepy at all.”

Azriel doesn’t rise to the bait, but the faintest smirk graces his lips. “Just trying to help.”

“Uh-huh,” you reply, rolling your eyes. But when you refocus on your breathing, following his advice, the run feels a little easier.

—

A few days later, you find yourself in the House of Wind’s library, searching for a book Nesta recommended, the one she had mentioned to you a few days ago. You’re muttering under your breath, cursing the ridiculously high shelves, when a familiar voice speaks behind you.

“Need help?”

You whirl around to find Azriel standing there, a faint smile tugging at his lips.

“Not unless you’ve got a ladder hidden somewhere,” you reply, crossing your arms.

Azriel steps closer, his wings shifting as he glances up at the shelf. “Which one?”

You point to the book near the top, and without a word, Azriel extends a wing, brushing it against the shelf as he pulls the book down with practiced ease.

He hands it to you, his fingers brushing yours briefly. “There.”

You take the book, trying not to let the warmth of his touch distract you. “Thanks. I guess having wings is good for more than just flying, huh?”

His smile widens slightly. “They’re versatile.”

“Show-off,” you mutter, but there’s no bite to your tone.

Azriel doesn’t respond, just tilts his head as if studying you. The silence stretches, heavy but not uncomfortable, and you find yourself wondering what’s going on behind those hazel eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you ask finally, your voice sharper than you intend.

Azriel blinks, as though pulled from his thoughts. “Like what?”

“Like you’re trying to figure something out,” you say, narrowing your eyes.

He hesitates, his gaze steady but unreadable. “Maybe I am.”

Before you can press him further, he nods toward the book in your hands. “Enjoy your reading.” And then he’s gone, slipping back into the shadows as easily as he came.

—

The tension between you grows, subtle but undeniable. It’s not something you can ignore anymore—not when his gaze lingers just a second too long, or when his words carry a weight you can’t quite name.

One evening, after another long day of training, you find yourself wandering the halls of the House of Wind. You end up on the same balcony where Azriel joined you that night, the city lights below twinkling like stars.

You’re not surprised when he appears again, his presence so quiet you almost don’t notice until he’s standing beside you.

“Do you ever sleep?” you ask, glancing at him.

“Rarely,” he admits, his voice soft.

“Figures,” you mutter, leaning against the railing.

The silence stretches, but this time, it feels charged, as though both of you are waiting for the other to speak.

Finally, Azriel breaks the quiet. “You confuse me.”

You blink, turning to face him. “What?”

“You’re strong, stubborn, sarcastic…” He trails off, his lips curving slightly. “But you care. Even when you try not to show it.”

You stare at him, caught off guard by the honesty in his tone. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means,” he says, his gaze meeting yours, “that you make it very difficult to stay in the shadows.”

His words hang in the air, and for once, you don’t have a witty comeback. You’re too busy trying to process the way your heart is racing, the way his eyes seem to see straight through you.

“Well,” you say finally, your voice quieter than usual. “Maybe it’s time you stepped out of them.”

Azriel’s smile is small, but it’s real. And in that moment, with the stars above and the city below, you feel something shift between both of you—something neither of you are sure you can ignore anymore. Not when he feels that golden thread that glows in his chest, connecting his soul to yours.

——

Are y’all interested in a tag list?? I’m gonna be more consistent in posting hehe.

Thank you for reading my lovely humans. Requests are still very open ;)

#oneshots #scenarios #acotar #azriel shadowsinger #acomaf #a court of silver flames #a court of thorns and roses #azriel x reader #azriel angst #azriel spymaster #azriel x you #azriel fluff #azriel acotar #azriel fanfic

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yesimwriting · 8 months ago

Text

Understanding

Part 2: Untethered

A/n the reader in this is not the same reader as the one from my aemond fic, they just have a similar background for plot (and bc i love rhaenyra's child x alicent's child trope, it's so montagues and capulets)

Summary: After speaking to his mother and small council, Aegon begins to doubt the unspoken understanding between himself and Rhaenyra's intended heir, who agreed to be taken by the greens in exchange for her brother's life.

Warnings: there are some plot deviations (mainly the implication that aegon and helaena are not married), the whole ethical 'dating someone you're technically holding hostage' dilemma, and canon compliant incest

----

The groan of the floorboards takes its time floating through your apartments, the sound so soft you don't even stir.

Aegon sighs. You've been a ridiculously heavy sleeper since childhood. He can still recall the way you'd leave these very apartments for breakfast, hair unbrushed and eyes drowsy. He dismisses the thought as he takes another step forward. You're no longer a princess with the luxury of leisure. You're staying in what you consider 'enemy territory'. One would think you'd have the decency to struggle to find sleep. If nothing else, the decency to miss him.

He swallows. Thoughts of the corner of your mouth tugging itself into a smile you didn't mean to share, of your gentle whispers felt more than heard in the darkness, of the warmth of your fingertips dragging against his skin have plagued him since he left you this morning. Aegon has not been able to release you from his mind, and here you are, perfectly content without him in a room you are only allowed access to because of his favor.

If you continue to indulge her, she'll never feel like a prisoner. The echo of his mother's words feel sharper than they should, a needle piercing his chest. Aegon had originally dismissed the sentiment. Despite the complicated nature of your presence here, the two of you have found a sort of rhythm. An inconvenient understanding.

So what if he offers you privileges that none of his half-sister's children should be allotted? You dismiss your instincts in favor of being there for him in a way no one else is. You talk; and you listen; and you lay next to him in the dark, your fingers tracing patterns against his arm until you fall asleep.

Aegon had never felt affronted by the casualness of your unspoken arrangement until his mother brought him back to reality. As long as you allow her to exist in this in between without asking for anything in return, she will remain loyal to her mother. A mother who is desperate enough to marry her off to secure alliances.

The floor creeks as he takes another step forward, this time the sound less dismissible. You shift, body twisting as you move from your stomach onto your side.

A pinprick of something akin to guilt dulls the beginning of his spiral. You mumble a sound that feels like a question. Aegon studies your movements as you wipe at your eyes. You lift your head slightly, eyes squinting in the darkness.

"Aegon?" Your features seem to ease, a hint of a smile pulling at your lips as you lift your head. "I didn't think you had time for me tonight."

There's a gentleness to your voice that leaves his stomach in knots. He's lapped at your affection like a wounded dog finally stumbling onto water. Has it all been a ploy?

If his silence affects your disposition, you give no indication of it. Instead, you beam at him before allowing yourself to slump onto your back. You pull at the blankets in an attempt to create space for him.

Aegon keeps his back to you as he sits. He takes his time laying down, one of his arms resting in the space between the two of you. Still half asleep, you reach for him. The back of your palm brushes against his wrist. You turn your hand over, fingers beginning their familiar path up his arm.

His eyes remain open, his attention set on the ceiling. You've yet to finish outlining his forearm before Aegon's turning his arm. The shift is subtle, more of an implication than an actual attempt at dismissing you. The subtlety of the movement is not enough to prevent your reaction. Despite his jokes and teasing comments, Aegon knows better than to do anything that offers you an opportunity to overthink about your your time alone together. There's a moment of stillness, and then your hand leaves him.

You turn onto your side, the weight of your stare making it nearly impossible for Aegon to remain still. "Are you--are you alright?" The question is cautious, tinged by an uncertainty that makes you sound smaller than you ever have before.

Have you ever experienced any type of rejection before? You're Rhaenyra's first born, her intended heir. The beloved princess, doted on by your mother, cared for by your supposed father, spoiled by your grandsire. His father's illness was never enough to keep him from you, the only child he had the strength to get out of bed for. You don't know what it's like to long for anything.

"We had an arrangement--an agreement." Aegon pushes himself away from you as he sits. You prop your head up, staring at him. Aegon cannot bring himself to look into your eyes. "That I'd be honest with you, and you'd be honest with me."

You sit up. "What?" You bend your knees, the sheets slipping down your legs. Aegon presses his nails into the skin of his palm. "I've--I've been honest. I've never lied to you."

The defense comes out so quick and innocent it nearly strips the accusation of any weight. It's a response that'd better suit a child caught stealing extra sweets or rough housing with a younger sibling.

He finally turns his head. The room's lack of light is not enough to diminish your wide eyes. You're radiating such innocence Aegon could choke on it. He's reminded of why he kept you at arm's length throughout your childhood. The good, perfect daughter. The future heir.

"You said your mother had no intentions of marrying you off. That you were not betrothed--"

"I'm not."

Aegon lets out a breath. "Then why did I have to spend most of my evening listening to my small council discuss your mother's latest potential alliances and addressing rumors about your mother's plan to marry you to some lord as a way of securing their support?"

You're quiet for a moment, hands clasped tightly around your knees. "I cannot help rumors." Some odd feeling gnaws at Aegon's stomach. "And you know that I haven't been home in some time. I can't control my mother anymore than you can control yours."

What a politically appropriate answer. He scoffs. "I find it difficult to believe that your mother would ever use you as a bargaining chip without--at the very least--mentioning it to you first."

If there's one thing that doesn't come naturally to you, it's deception. You tilt your chin downwards, your attention falling onto anything that isn't him.

Aegon reaches for your hand. You let him untangle your fingers. He pulls your hand forward, his thumb dragging against your knuckles. His hold on you tightens as he brings the back of your palm to his lips. A part of him is repulsed by how much he means the gesture.

He doesn't let go of you as he brings his hand back to the mattress. Aegon allows himself a moment to embrace the stillness, and then he's shifting forward. His available hand finds your shoulder. His weight presses against you, forcing you back until you're pinned against the headboard.

He holds his breath, waiting for some kind of protest, some insult or attempt to push him away. All you do is watch him, the slightest crease between your eyebrows. "Aegon."

"Tell me." Aegon's fingers press into your shoulder. "Tell me it isn't true and I will believe you. I want to believe you."

Your lips part, but you do not speak. An uncomfortable heat burns its way up his neck. "I--I did not lie." You hold his gaze. "I am not betrothed, but before I was brought here, my mother did mention that she was beginning to consider it."

All of the time he's spent indulging in your presence, living out some ridiculous fantasy of having your attention, believing everything you've told him--he's been nothing more than a fool.

"I wanted to mention it when you asked, but I was..." Your voice wavers. "Honestly, I was afraid."

His gaze falls downwards, his eyes unintentionally landing on your lips. "Because you needed me."

"No." You shake your head slightly, the motion rigid. "Our understanding," you pause, lips briefly pressing together, "Our friendship, was so new and uncertain--and I was afraid of ruining it, of being alone here, of--of the potential engagement. All of it." Your eyes are shinier than they were a moment ago. "I wanted to pretend it didn't exist."

This is the first time you've ever given any indication of not naturally taking to your responsibilities. You agreed to be taken hostage in exchange for your brother's life with little complaint or theatrical martyrism, but the thought of marrying a stranger to aid your mother's war effort shakes you to your core.

Sympathy and petulant satisfaction blend together uneasily, a continuation in the cycle of wanting you while also desiring to take everything from you.

His thumb drags down your shoulder, the warmth of your skin nearly dizzying. "Would you do it if she asked?"

You swallow. "It wouldn't matter. I'm here." He continues to trace a pattern against your shoulder. You squeeze his hand. "You can't have a wedding without the bride."

You're holding onto him with an intensity that's easing. "And if you weren't?"

As silence falls over the two of you, Aegon studies your expression. You're giving him very little to work with. "I wouldn't have a choice." Anything you've had with him has been out of the sake of convenience. It doesn't matter to you. "Aegon, you--you understand that." His lips part, but he has no response worth giving. "You have to understand that."

Aegon's hold on your hand tightens, fingers digging into into the skin of your palm. "Why?" The desperation in the question turns his stomach. He shifts his weight away from you, his hand trailing down your arm. "Do you care for me?"

Your straighten, back pulling away from the headboard. Aegon cannot will himself to read your features. "Do I care for you?" There's a barely there lilt to your voice that only makes it impossible for him to just sit there.

He forces himself to focus on the crumpled sheets in front of him. Something warm finds its way to his cheek--your hand. Your thumb drags itself across the side of his face. Aegon allows his eyes to fall shut. Gently, you guide his head forward.

"Aegon." He opens his eyes. "How many times have I been alone with you, have I--have I slept in the same bed as you?" You stumble, eyes briefly leaving his. Aegon can't help his slight smile. While you've always known about the impropriety of sleeping next to him, he doubts you know why it's viewed that way. You let out a breath in an attempt to recover. "I have risked my reputation, risked betraying my own mother--and you have to ask."

Aegon's vision blurs. He presses his lips together, forcing himself to not look away. "Of course I care for you."

He places a hand over the one you placed on his cheek. There's a lot of responses that Aegon should offer you, some declaration, some assurance of his fondness for you, but he's never been particularly talented at expressing the sentimental.

His fingers bend around your own, carefully pulling your hand away from his cheek. He sets your hand down on the mattress gently. You blink at him curiously, but before you can overthink the action, Aegon's shifting forward.

He presses his lips against yours. You're rigid, body still until he pulls your bottom lip between both of his. Aegon moves closer, one hand finding the back of your head. You lean forward, arms wrapping around his neck. You move your weight onto your knees, Aegon's available hand coming to your waist to keep you stable.

Aegon's head tilts back, creating space that you're more than ready to fill. His teeth tug at your bottom lip. You hands slide away from his neck, down his shoulders, settling on his chest. Aegon's hand moves away from your hip, coming to rest on your thigh.

The need for air brings him back to reality. Aegon breaks the kiss slowly, pulling away without letting you go. For a moment, all he can do is grin at you as you both catch your breath. "If I had known you had it in you, Princess..."

The use of your title seems to make you realize that you're still practically on his lap. You move back, making a point of sitting up straight. You roll your eyes, but between your ragged breaths and inability to lift your gaze, the look falls flat.

You keep your legs between the two of you, a barrier that bends at your knees. Aegon's smile broadens. He's not sure he's ever seen you so unsure of yourself. "I--that wasn't..."

"You can relax." You finally look up again, eyebrows drawn together in what he assumes is a display of skepticism. "I won't tell anyone." His hand find your lower leg, fingers tracing a delicate pattern against your skin. "And if anyone accuses you of anything, I'll have their tongue."

He sets his hand against your knee, his touch growing in security. You stare at your leg incredulously. "Aegon."

"What?" His thumb trails across your skin. "Would you prefer their head?"

You tilt your head, expression unamused. Aegon smiles, leaning forward to place a quick kiss against your knee before moving towards his original spot. You turn your head, watching him carefully.

Aegon lets out a sigh as he sinks into a pillow. "I'm tired."

You lay down next to him. "I didn't realize I wore you out."

The grin in your voice is audible. Aegon uses his forearm for support as he lifts himself to lean over you. "Do not start something you can't finish."

The corner of your mouth pulls itself upwards, the look similar but not quite the same as the accidental smiles Aegon has grown accustomed to. He smiles as he lies down, his head resting against your upper stomach.

You're quick to accept the proximity, your hand moving to smooth through his hair. Aegon's arm settles against your waist. This newfound closeness is nearly overwhelming in the relief it offers him. The feeling grabs at him, forcing out words he is not ready to say, "We could always get married." He tries to swallow, but the dryness of his mouth makes it impossible. "Then your mother wouldn't be able to marry you off to anyone."

Your fingers stall against his scalp. "Aegon--"

"I'd be a good husband to you."

At your silence, his fingers press into your side as if you might slip away if given the chance. After a beat, your nails begin to brush through his hair again. "You are thinking of the war, of your claim, of--of your small cou--"

"I am thinking of you."

You let out a sigh Aegon feels more than hears. "We need to be realistic. Would my mother's retaliation not concern you?"

He forces himself to focus on your tangibility. "The only thing concerning me is figuring out how to keep you here as long as possible." He drags his knuckles against your hip. "You once told me that you'd never get married, and that instead you'd spend your life riding dragons and eating cake."

You let out a soft laugh. "I can't believe you remember that."

"You sounded very serious." Aegon releases your side in favor of finding your hand. His fingers trace patterns against your palm. "We could get married and spend our days riding dragons and eating cake."

Your drag your hand away from his head, palm settling against his back. You begin to smooth circles against the fabric of his shirt. "Now you be serious."

Aegon intertwines your fingers, squeezing your palm to his. "I know better than to jest about cake."

You're so quiet he'd assume you fell asleep if it wasn't for the patterns still being traced against his spine. "Can we just...can we give it some time?"

He's not sure what you expect to get from time. The realm will still be divided, his half-sister will only grow more desperate and willing to marry you off for support, and his mother will continue to question why he's keeping you in this limbo. But the request is far from a rejection.

You've always been practical, the kind of person to think through prospects instead of trusting your instinct. Aegon is your best option, the closest thing you have to a lifeline. The way you feel about him has already encouraged you to cross lines you would have never considered approaching. Perhaps time and his attention will be what it takes to put it all into perspective for you.

Aegon lifts your hand to his mouth, his lips brushing against your knuckles. "We can give it all the time you need, Princess."

You mumble something he can't quite make out. Before Aegon can ask about it, your hand stills against him. Without looking up, he knows that you've fallen asleep.

----

A/n i had to throw in a little alicent and rhaenyra parallel <3 i could see myself writing a part 2 to this so if you like that idea lmk!! or if u want more hotd in general :)

#house of the dragon #house of the dragon fic #house of the dragon x reader #hotd #hotd x reader #aegon ii targaryen #aegon ii x reader #aegon targaryen #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon #aegon x reader #x targaryen!reader #hotd aegon #aegon the second #aegon the second x reader

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deansbeer · 4 months ago

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hi kari baby. i’m feeling sad bc of a boy (i need to stop dating them and remember i’m bisexual) but i was wondering if i could request an anakin fic where reader is like “i feel like love is an inside joke that everyone else is in on” and anakin is like i love you and i don’t just need you i want you and love can be our joke and we’re laughing together. i just really need hurt/comfort right now.

♡ love's cosmic jest ⎯⎯ anakin skywalker.

📖 LIBRARY !

SYNOPSIS. the love you and anakin have for each other becomes your new favorite punchline.

kari talks ◞ dedicated to my ALLY @spcncershasting. sorry that i took AGES to write this request for you, baby! but it's finally out. love u smmm. mi preciosa amor.

you find yourself staring out into the vastness of space, the swirling stars and distant galaxies a reflection of the confusion within you. LOVE, you've always thought, is a joke that everyone else was in on. it's as if the universe itself is laughing, and you're the only one not hearing the punchline.

you're on a ship, the hum of the engines a steady background to your thoughts. anakin is beside you, his presence both comforting and unsettling. he's an enigma, a whirlwind of contradictions that somehow makes perfect sense.

"what's on your mind?" he asks, his voice soft, yet it cuts through your reverie like a lightsaber through the dark.

"love," you admit, almost whispering. "i feel like it's a joke everyone else understands, but not me."

there's a pause, and you can feel his gaze on you, intense and searching. "you think it's a joke?"

"an inside joke—" you clarify. "—one that i'm having a hard time grasping."

he leans closer, his eyes full of a warmth that makes your heart skip a beat. "i love you," he says simply. "and i don't just need you, i want you."

the sincerity in his voice is undeniable. it's like a light piercing through the fog of your doubts, illuminating the path you didn't know you were searching for.

"love can be our joke," he continues, a playful smile tugging at his lips. "something only we understand. and this way, we're laughing together."

his words wrap around you, a comforting embrace in the coldness of space. it's as if he's offering you a lifeline, a way to be part of something bigger than yourself.

"anakin," you murmur, your voice barely a breath. "how do you make it sound so easy?"

he chuckles, a sound that resonates with warmth. "because with you, it is easy. everything else fades away, and it's jus' us, sweetheart."

you pull away to face him, seeing the truth in his eyes. there's no deception, no hidden agenda. just the honest, raw emotion that you've been yearning to find.

"i want that," you admit, the words tumbling out like a confession. "i want love to be our joke."

he reaches for your hand, his touch grounding you, anchoring you to the moment. "then let's make it ours," he says, his voice a promise.

you nod, feeling a sense of peace wash over you. feeling as if the universe has shifted, finally aligning in your favor, allowing you to finally hear the laughter you thought was beyond your grasp.

together, you and anakin sit in silence, the stars your only witness. it's a quiet moment, yet filled with a profound understanding that transcends words.

"you know," he says after a while, a teasing lilt in his voice, "i never knew love could be this... fun."

you laugh, the sound surprising you. it's genuine, a real laugh that bubbles up from within, a reflection of the joy you feel.

"who knew?" you reply, grinning. "love, an inside joke that makes sense."

anakin squeezes your hand, his smile mirroring your own. "and it's our secret," he says. "one we'll keep laughing about."

as you watch the stars drift by, you realize that maybe, just maybe, love isn't about understanding everything. maybe it's about finding someone who makes the confusion worthwhile, someone who turns the chaos into something beautiful.

with anakin by your side, you feel like you've finally found your place, your understanding of the joke that is LOVE.

and it's a punchline worth waiting for.

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 11 months ago

Text

Me: don't make Charlie's habit of twirling / spinning Vaggie into a THiNG it can just be CUTE with no other headcanons behind it-

also me: what if Vaggie always loved dancing but took being an exorcist very seriously bc of the whole "learned to trust people on the battlefield" thing so the only time she felt she had an excuse for dancing with a partner was when she called it "training" or "unarmed sparing" and goaded Lute into doing it with her (Lute being Adam's second and Vaggie one of his best girls) (what, is Lute scared of not being able to keep up with her-?)

Lute: "This, is stupid."

Vaggie: "It's just like sparring."

Lute: "Then why can't I use a sword."

Vaggie: "The point is learning to read your opponent's body and move with it. A weapon only gets in the way."

Lute: "Or maybe you know which on of us would win in a real fight."

Vaggie: "OR maybe it's nice to practice WITHOUT someone losing feathers over it."

Lute: "Only losers lose feathers. If they don't like it they should start WINNING."

Vaggie: "Just put your fucking hand on my waist and do a box step."

Lute: "A what? Put my hand- where!?"

Vaggie: "Forget it. We'll dance like we're in a damn period piece ballroom scene. You can at least survive spinning me, right?"

Lute: "SPIN you?"

Vaggie: "Just hold up your hand and-"

Lute: "We look dumb enough as is! I'm not making myself look SILLY just so you can do a stupid spin."

Vaggie: "Fine."

Lute: "You need to watch yourself. Exorcist are heaven's first line of defense- we are the divine blades guarding the pearly gates. We need to keep ourselves sharp, focused- If you slip even once-"

Vaggie: "I said fine! I get it! Alright? God let's just, let's just get this over with..."

And then she's in hell, a year or so after Lute grabbed her wrist and pulled her eye-first onto a sword instead of a dance,

and it turns out the princess of hell is an eager and willing dancer, even if she's maybe not the most graceful or easy to follow- but it's the kind of challenge Vaggie loves-

(and not the only thing Vaggie loves)

-especially when Charlie's the one who cleared out a space, put on a playlist, and waved her into the middle of the room so they could laugh and bow / curtsy before making tracks across the carpet-

all of this, even though Charlie's still rusty at dancing, never was into it other much other than as another way to flail around to a beat, and here she is now, seriously trying to remember or learn all the different steps Vaggie shows her

this time it's a waltz

Vaggie's been avoiding waltzes. And sure enough she finds herself spacing out in the middle of it, coming back to the excited sound of Charlie's voice

Charlie: "I think we're doing it!"

Vaggie: "...hm?"

Charlie: "The waltz! It's been ages but, this is about right, right?"

Vaggie: "Oh uh, yeah. You've got it. Told you you would."

Charlie: (laughing) "And I told YOU if we made it through this it'd be because you're so good at making ME look like a good dancer! Even when my hooves keep snagging on the carpet... Even when you're a million miles away."

Vaggie: "Shit. Sorry."

Charlie: "No it's fine! Good practice for me leading!" (leading them onto a new patch of floor) "So! A lot on your mind?"

Vaggie: "Just remembered something, is all."

Charlie: "Waltz related?"

Vaggie: "I wouldn't compare this with that."

Charlie: "Aww, shoot." (pouts) "Well give me a few months and I'll get there."

Vaggie: (chuckling) "Charlie, you're already WAY past the last dance partner I had."

Charlie: "Wow. That bad huh?"

Vaggie: "What'd I just say about you and dancing?"

Charlie: "That at least I'm not totally the absolute worst ever?"

Vaggie: "Yeah no. Try again."

Charlie: (grinning) "I'm better than they were."

Vaggie: "You sure are. Actually trying counts for a lot, honestly."

Charlie: "You make trying things a lot easier." (hoof catches) (stumbles) (vaggie steadies her) "Case in point!"

Vaggie: "We really gotta remember to roll up the carpet next time."

Charlie: "Orrrr you'll just have to go on catching me!"

Vaggie: "I'll do that with or without the carpet."

Charlie: "Right!" (face hot) "Er so, were they clumsy too? Lacking in the whole smooth moves department?" (blushes MORE)

Vaggie: "The moves were fine, the ego got in the way a bit."

Charlie: "Ego?"

Vaggie: (sighs) (rolls eye) "Apparently twirling me would've looked too silly."

Charlie: "Wh- Twirling you?"

Vaggie: "Spinning. Whatever. They cared about that a lot and- I know I know- it's a dumb thing to still be hung up on."

Charlie: "Well I'd be honored to look silly with you!"

Vaggie: (laughing) "Okay?"

Charlie: "Can I spin you?"

Vaggie: "You really don't have to."

Charlie: "So we can do it on three? One. Two-"

Vaggie: "Really it's- watch out, table at 3 O'clock-"

Charlie: "-Wheeeeee~!"

Vaggie: "WHOA- that-" (breathless) "Now THAT was a spin."

Charlie: "Eheheh. Whoops?"

Vaggie: "Oh no, no whoopsing your way out of this one, I'm gonna need to inflict some payback spinning of my own." (grins)

Charlie: "Uh I'm kinda tall for-"

Vaggie: "You ever been lifted?"

Charlie: "I mean when I was a kid sure, but I'm like a foot taller than-"

Vaggie: "On three. One."

Charlie: "-Vaggie you come up to maybe my shoulder-"

Vaggie: "Two."

Charlie: "-not that you can't do anything you set your mind to, obviously! I'm just not sure how-"

Vaggie: "Three."

Charlie: "Hwha- OH!" (gleeful) (laughing) "Ohhh my gosh-!"

Vaggie: (smug) "There's more than one way to twirl a girl across the floor."

Charlie: "Spinning WHILE lifting!?"

Vaggie: "Fun right?"

Charlie: "SO MUCH FUN! Can we do it again!?"

Vaggie: "Sure-"

Charlie: "Ooh ohh can I do it to you too? Can we take turns??"

Vaggie: "Not worried about looking silly, huh?"

Charlie: "No! Why would-" (stops)

Charlie: (stops their dance)

Charlie: "Vaggie, I.... I really don't know why anyone wouldn't want to be silly with you. Or how it could ever be more important than seeing you happy like this."

Vaggie: "...Not everyone's like you, sweetie."

Charlie: "Or maybe everyone just needs to actually see you for once."

Vaggie: "I'd rather just stick to you for now. If, that's okay?"

Charlie: "Always."

(dance resumes, much slower, much closer)

Charlie: "It's, it's okay to miss people too, you know. I know, I mean. How much that sucks. If you, want to talk about...?"

Vaggie: "No. Thanks."

Charlie: "You're missing them though, huh?"

Vaggie: "It's not that. It's just, weird how much things change."

Charlie: "Like dance partners."

Vaggie: "Like your reasons for dancing with them."

Charlie: "....Oh."

(do they kiss???) (i have no idea) (maybe Vaggie just relaxes and rests her head over Charlie's heart) (maybe Charlie tries her best not to think about how hard it's beating)

(maybe somewhere up in heaven, an exorcist with a sword does a box step while training, slips, and slices her target in half in fury when she realizes it)

maybe Vaggie always loved dancing but had to end up in hell before finally getting to dance the way she always wanted to

or maybe

it feels like Vaggie never danced at all, until she had Charlie to share it with

#hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggie #lute hazbin hotel #silly headcanons #I DONT EVEN CARE I DONT EVEN CAAARRRRE JUST LET THEM DANCE #IM SO #THIRSTY FOR THEM DANCING!!!!!!!#ALSO I WANT LUTE TO SUFFER MORE #BUT MAINLY JUST LET CHAGGIE SLOW DANCE PLEASSSSSSSSE

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retlasute · 8 months ago

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hiiiii i love your writing and i've been binging turbinio these last few days completely in love with the main character and something came to my mind while i was reading. Maybe it's a pretty specific request, so you can just do headcanons and i'll be happy

so, i was thinking while reading Turbinio, that i really see myself in mc because i love collecting and keeping things from the trips i make and if i were on the steel ball run my ass would surely lose bc of all the useless luggage and i was thinking of asking you to write a gyro/johnny headcanons with a reader who is always collecting stones, shells, bones and other useless things along the way

HAAAAA I LOVE THIS IDEA BECAUSE I WOULD ALSO DO EXACTLY THE SAME THING

Also sorry for the delay in writing your request, I was doing something that wasn't important enough to remember what it was 😭 but I've been thinking about your idea all this time and I hope you like it! ❤️

Headcanons - Reader who keeps strange/inutile/creepy things she finds along the way

◍ Gyro Zeppeli

He honestly doesn't know why he asked you to ride with them.

And every day he begins to question himself more about it.

Surely his impatient ass is always complaining about the constant stops.

''For God's sake, that's a dead beetle, (Y/N)''

And of course, at first you had absolutely no right to opine in anything, as Gyro quickly dismissed it by saying that all you do is put rocks in your bag.

He obviously didn't think twice when Johnny said he saw Diego eating rocks.

''Nyo-ho-ho! (Y/N), did you let him steal your bag?''

How could you explain to that man that a bag of shells was lighter than a teddy bear, and that feathers could adorn your horse?

He didn't really care.

But some days he needed someone to complain about, and Johnny was a saint who rarely did anything stupid enough to divert Gyro's attention from your hobbies.

You also tried your best not to slow them down significantly, but sometimes you couldn't ignore a ring conveniently lost on the sidewalk or an arrowhead in the desert.

Honestly, you don't understand why they haven't abandoned you yet either.

Perhaps it wasn't really that annoying, just unusual.

Sometimes, when you found a knife lost on the ground or a half-buried mirror, Gyro would steal it for him.

Over time, he got used to it and the collector jokes wore off.

He also started to always stop without you asking when he saw something shiny on the ground.

''Huh? Aren't you going to pick that up?''

''It's a shard of glass, Gyro.''

''So what? I've seen you pick up more useless things.''

At a certain point in the race, when you had no more space to carry larger things like lizard skulls or big shells, you simply hung them on your horse.

''You know, if I saw your horse on the road at night, I'd shit my pants.''

That's what he said when you decorated your horse's mane with small squirrel bones, attaching the skull by the jaw in a braid.

And then he goes back to wondering why on earth he asked you to ride with them.

But in the end it's not that bad.

He realized this when he found himself keeping a cool stone to give you later.

Stupid Zeppeli, putting stupid stones in his pocket to give to you.

Even stupider Zeppeli, when he offered you a space in his bag to carry your things, since your luggage was already full.

The stupidest Zeppeli, when he let you decorate Valkyrie with feathers

He's adorable, although you'd never be able to admit it.

✰ Johnny Joestar

Johnny never complained, although at first he agreed with Gyro that it was unnecessary to make so many stops to pick up junk.

But when you found a bird skull and tied it around your neck as a necklace, he became afraid of you.

Being afraid of you, he would never think of complaining about anything.

It was strange and creepy, that's all he thought.

But he liked the shiny stones, although he couldn't remember the names of most of them.

He also thought your feathered horse was pretty, although he was still totally against making braids with squirrel skulls.

''Have you always liked to collect things like that?''

''Ever since I was a kid, I guess.''

''What a strange hobby for a child.''

But he still found it, deep down, quite interesting and strangely attractive.

''What are you going to do with it? It's just an old bone.''

He remembers hearing somewhere that there's no beauty without strangeness, and he thought it was quite appropriate for you.

It wasn't long before he gave you a mother-of-pearl shell.

But sometimes Gyro's bad mood was contagious, and he would try to be kinder than his friend to ask you to hurry up or ignore something.

''I know you like this, but don't get distracted, we're in a race.''

But any “pretty please” was enough for him to give in.

''Right… if it's so important, I guess we can wait.''

He would absolutely never carry a skull in his luggage like Gyro would be willing to.

Instead, he would buy an extra bag in the nearest town for you to carry more things.

"I'm sure we could get the equivalent of this race's prize money just by selling your stuff, (Y/N).''

He's certainly cut his finger with a shark's tooth when he tried to get something from your bag.

Because he's more inattentive to such things, he constantly ends up leaving you behind because he doesn't realize you've stopped to pick something up.

''Hey, Johnny, look what I found!''

He's sure it's going to be some dead animal, so he always has to take a deep breath and prepare himself psychologically whenever he hears that sentence.

''Oh, a rock?''

''It's not just a rock, Johnny. It's a citrine!''

''It's very pretty.''

''Pretty? That's it?''

''What can I say? It's a yellow stone. But you've already shown me ten others just like it.''

''Ah, well… you're right.''

''But it's quite beautiful, you have a sharp eye for finding pretty things.''

He wouldn't show more emotion than that even if you showed him a diamond.

#steel ball run #gyro x reader #jjba part 7 #johnny joestar #jojos bizzare adventure #gyro zeppeli #johnny joestar x reader #gyro zeppeli x reader #jojo sbr

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niuniente · 1 month ago

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Hello! I am visiting Finland in a few months, and I always love seeing you talk about it and the culture there. I'm definitely excited to experience Finnish sauna. Also, ice cream! I want to try as many flavors as I can before I leave! I was wondering if you had any advice for someone visiting for the first time? How to not be rude, or foods and such to definitely try? Or just anything that comes to mind.

(Also, I love Death-Head's Deal. Alrick is the best, and every update makes me so happy. The characters are all so interesting and make me want to know more about them. I think my favorite is Grimm, especially when he's with Pearl.)

I hope you'll have a wonderful trip in Finland! The country is very safe so you can be at ease in public places. If you lose something, Finns will try to deliver it back to you.

I always say that if you are familiar how to travel in Japan in a way that you are polite, the same rules apply to Finland. This country is often called the Japan of Nordics. The mentality and what is considered polite and what rude is very same between these two nations.

POLITE WAYS TO TRAVEL IN FINLAND

Leave people mind their own businesses. Don't be overly familiar. Finns are friendly but a bit reserved and need a lot of personal space around them.

If you need help, ask anyone, they will help and not be bothered.

In Helsinki, always stand on the escalator on the right hand side.

Don't be noisy in public places, including public transport.

Expressing emotions openly is considered rude, especially in public places.

Silence is polite and not a sign of boredom or someone wanting to get rid of you.

Be honest. When you ask from a Finn "How is it going?" they will honesty tell you how it is going and expect the same from you.

If you want to politely ask for something like in a cafe, use a word kiitos (thank you). We don¨t have a word for please. (Like "One coffee, kiitos" or "a ticket to airport, kiitos"). Kiitos is not necessary, Finns don't usually use it either but we just ask what's needed.

SHOES OFF INDOORS!!

In public transport and in public transport spots, leave space around other people when waiting for the transit and being in the transit. Sit next to someone only if there are no empty seats.

(Finns waiting for a bus and giving personal space for each other)

In Helsinki, you can buy public transport tickets, including 1-13 day tickets, from R-kioski kiosks alongside the ticket machines. You'll find one from the airport, too. Note that some ticket machines do not accept cash - in that case, go to R-kioski kiosk. There's one near to every train station in Helsinki if you don't know where to look.

To get to central Helsinki from the airport, you will need an ABC ticket. If you have to go only to Tikkurila to change a train, you will need a BC ticket. Remember to validate it by showing it to the card reader in the train/bus. If you travel around a one zone, you will still need a two zone ticket because singular zone tickets don't exist. Like in the central zone A you will still need to buy a AB ticket, in the B zone you will need a AB or a BC ticket etc. More ticket information at hsl.fi

If you arrive to Helsinki but are going to go somewhere else in Finland, buy your train tickets in advance. Otherwise, the tickets can be 3 times more expensive. Buy your long train tickets from vr.fi For short distances like 1-2 hours, you might also want to try Onnibussi, which is really cheap, starting from 2€/journey. You can travel long distances with Onnibussi, too.

From the airport, both train tracks go to central Helsinki. From the central railway station, trains P and I both go to airport. If you want to use taxi, order Uber, Yango or Bolt as those are the cheapest ones to use. Note that they are still rather expensive.

If you have time and you are in Helsinki, consider popping at Estonia! There's a daily big ferry running between Helsinki and Tallinn with 20-25€. Buy your tickets to Tallinn from Eckerö Line or from Tallink Silja Line

If you are in Turku, you can make a day trip to Stockholm, Sweden! Viking Line and Tallink Silja Line operate between Turku and Stockholm.

Pretty much everyone speaks English so you'll be okay!

It's safe to drink tap water. If you want to buy water from the store, hiilihapoton is still water and hiilihapotettu is sparkling water.

In grocery stores, all allergens are listed on the price labels. L = lactose free with 0% lactose, VL = low in lactose (lactose content 1-4)%, M = dairy free, G = gluten free, V = vegan (can contain egg).

You can get anything you can imagine lactose free and there's a great selection of gluten free and vegan food, too, including in restaurants.

Here are some tips where to visit if you come to Helsinki! Mind you that central Burger King is closed.

Ask if you need/want to know something else :3

#finland #travel #helsinki

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the-teufort-nine · 30 days ago

Text

My TF2 Fic Rec List [ Fanfics I've Read That You Should Too]

*cracks knuckles* right, let's get started! X Reader fics are not included bc I already did a list of them for an ask. Mind the tags and ratings, as always. I'll add to this as I collect more, but its decently long as is

Symbol Key:

** = Incomplete

~~ = Personal favourite

++ = Under 10k

SpeedingBullet:

~~Running Blind by TheTriggeredHappy

(( Scout's eyes are badly damaged in battle and for some reason, Medic's gun can't fix him. Until they figure out how to heal Scout, he needs someone to look after him and keep him safe.

Sniper is given the job.

[3rd person limited, Scout's POV, some character development done on a whim] ))

The SpeedingBullet fanfic. If you like Scout X Sniper, and you haven't read this one yet, I don't know what to tell you. You are severely missing out on not only a great romance story, but also fantastic team dynamics. Also has an available Podfic!

++From a Hospital Bed by SlightlyLessThanAnon

(( Jeremy wakes up in the hospital, his brain struggling the find coherent thoughts as the world churns around him, in and out of consciousness.

He finds the team may care about him a little more than he thought they did. ))

Short but sweet. More whole team fluff than strictly SpeedingBullet. Very cute.

~~Golden Brown, as well as its sister fic, Take Me Out by Ali_Ker (Alina_Kerrin)

(( After seeing his co-worker in a new light, Scout is faced with unknown feelings and a new, distracting perspective on things. ))

This lovely author can be found here under the handle @alikerao3

Grouped these two together because they are they same story, but told from the perspectives of Scout and Sniper respectively. Definitely a bit of a heavier read, especially for anyone who has dealt with Catholic guilt or internalized homophobia, but my God is it worth it. Don't just read one thinking it isn't worth it to read the other fic. Read both. Also, check out the song that inspired the title.

~~Going Through The Motions by AussieBookworm

(( Working under RED can be repetitive at times - but nothing like this. After a curse is fired his way, Scout is forced to live through the same day over and over and over again. It should be easy for someone as perfect as Scout to break the curse, right? As long as he doesn't have to confront the things he's been feeling towards Sniper it should be a piece of cake! ))

Possibly my absolute favourite TF2 fic right now. Scout gets character development out the ass, Demo has a prominent, important role, and there's a plot twist so good it had me tweaking out. TW for Suicide as a method used to get out of a time loop. Absolutely incredible, and it needs more love.

Gills and Gunpowder by popkeeki

(( Monsters are becoming increasingly rare. Between getting pushed to the periphery of society or being targeted by traffickers, life is hard when you are not (entirely) human. Like many others, Scout tries to keep his true form a secret. It has never really been a problem. That is, until a nosy teammate catches him mid-swim. ))

SpeedingBullet Mermaid AU!! Good luck finding a fic with this premise that also reaches this level of quality.

**~~Pet by Anonymous

(( Sniper's terrified of losing the one person he has in his life. It turns out there's a convenient solution to that: just make sure he has no way out, and the rest will follow.

Scout wakes up in a van he knows all too well, loopy and hungover, and Sniper's waiting for him.

Or: Learning to live with claustrophobia in small spaces Or: Making the best of assisted living Or: You can’t outrun a fucking bullet ))

Are you like me? Do you enjoy Scout whump and Yandere!/Possessive Sniper? SpyDad? Do you want more of it in your life? If the answer is yes, than Pet is for you! No NSFW, just pure, delicious kidnapping and one-sided love.

General Fanfic Recommendations:

++Something's Up With Respawn by Camelot_taurus, Old Works (HarveyDangerfield)

(( Respawn starts to glitch, and the Administrator sets Engineer to work fixing it.

It doesn't take long for him to find out exactly what's going ))

Super funny, weird little oneshot. Basically, Respawn starts glitching and producing fucked up, Paperjam Dipper-esque clones of the Mercs.

++Mask Off by MatryoshkaDoll413

(( Scout is sick. Really sick. 'If we can't get this fever under control it's the hospital or the morgue' sick, and Respawn can't help him this time. They'd already tried that. He's gotten so delirious he's fighting Medic every second he's awake, not really lucid enough to remember so much as his own name, much less that of any of the team. Medic is ready to put him under full sedation and try and work things out from there, but Spy has an idea. ))

Wholesome SpyDad fic. Spy actually acts like a dad for once, for his sick little bunny.

~~++Scout, Respond by MatryoshkaDoll413

(( Scout wakes up in a dark, unknown place, with rocks bearing down on him and a spotty recollection as to how he ended up there in the first place. The only thing that keeps him sane is the voice of his team in his ear, telling him to talk, to breath, and, more than anything, to stay awake. ))

Scout gets trapped beneath a collapsed building, and receives comfort from his team over his headset while they race to dig him out. Super cute, definitely a must read, and I've done so more than once.

pick it all up (and start again) by bugbee

(( The clues had always been there, he had just never wanted to see them. Maybe neither of them had, instead content to deny the truth before their eyes for the rest of their days because it was better than confronting the alternative. Except Scout had died, and Spy wasn’t able to keep on pretending for his last moments. A part of Jeremy was glad for it, despite the simmering rage and betrayal and hurt. So when he tried to look God in the eye and tell Him that Tom Jones was his father… He couldn’t. Not really.

(Scout discusses his parentage with God, and stays dead for a little while longer. Well. A lot longer. On the plus side, he gets to attend his own funeral reception.) ))

An alternate take on Scout's death from the comics. Very Scout centric, obviously, and ends happily.

~~A Little Bird Told Me… by the_soup_specter

(( Medic learns a secret— something personal, powerful, big enough to cause a rift in the team of mercenaries that could tear two of them apart. And for once in his life… he’s not sure how to proceed.

With no better ideas, Medic decides to ask his fellow mercenaries for advice. But as dueling viewpoints begin to pile up, will he be able to make a decision before the team is changed forever? ))

Medic learns Spy is Scout's dad, and spills the beans. Everything turns out ok, but man the aftermath initially ain't pretty.

~~seven times he has to explain (and one time he doesn’t have to) by conner_is_alive

(( the trans scout obsession has me in a vice

also if i don’t vent my trans sadness i will literally rip a government building down brick by brick lmao ))

The fic that made me a trans Scout believer. If you're on the fence about that headcanon, maybe give this fic a read.

**~~Kith And Kin by BOREDGrace23

(( Mick never thought much of the BLU team. They were just clones, after all. Designed to be their opponents in a meaningless war.

That's why when he woke up, his vision blurry, his brain blistering from a headache like he'd just woken up from a hangover, and several burning questions about what had happened, he thought it was strange that they hadn't killed him already.

Or, BLU are clones and RED are decidedly not. They’re then forced to work together when their teams disappear. ))

If you like Emesis Blue, or horror in general, go read Kith And Kin. And when you finish, go give @boredgrace23 some love for such an incredible fic.

**++Der Junge by UpInFlamesWriting

(( Everyone on the team knows that Scout & Medic do not get along. They're like Sniper & Spy, except less bloodthirsty about it. Medic scares Scout, & Scout doesn't give Medic a reason to like him. When the two of them start being more than friendly all of a sudden, the team starts to worry, especially when it becomes obvious that Medic & Scout are keeping secrets from them. Scout & Medic are not about to tell the rest of the team that they are a pair of transsexual men, especially when Medic agrees to help Scout in his transition. For all the weirdness that goes on in the base, the world is not kind to queer people, & they aim to keep the reason behind their friendship a secret, even if it kills them. ))

Trans Scout and Trans Medic solidarity fic. I need more of this.

Eight Mercenaries and A Toddler by ChaosandMayhem

(( When Respawn malfunctions and their annoying Scout is turned into something far more precocious, it'll take all of the RED team's wits and patience to look after him. At the same time, Engineer must find a way to turn Scout back into an adult before the BLUs-or anyone else-realizes what's happened. No pairings, just a bunch of exhausted trained killers and one hyperactive child. ))

An Ancient Text from 2012 and the only FF.Net fic on this list, EMaAT is a classic for me. Lot's of Spy backstory, if memory serves. Quotes from this live rent free in my mind.

PracticalEspionage:

++Under the Lake by Her_AngelEyes

(( Engineer goes fishing. Hilarity ensues. ))

Don't let the description fool you. This is a non-con/mind break fic. If you like darkfic stuff, than this is for you~

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #speeding bullet #practical espionage #tf2 scout #tf2 spy #tf2 pyro #tf2 engineer #tf2 demo #tf2 heavy #tf2 sniper #tf2 soldier #tf2 medic #tf2 fanfiction

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toringo · 1 month ago

Note

i’m OBSESSED with your anti tulpar comics, i’ve been rotating them in my mind nonstop for the past few days! how do you think a!curly feels about a!jimmy?

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

You have no idea how happy it makes me to know, that people really enjoy those. I know it's not even my au, but I've been genuinely hyperfixating on it for some time now, and making up my own lore (obviously the creator doesn't mind, they said it's all up to interpretation).

My take on A!Curly's opinion of A!Jimmy and some A!Curly background and hcs:

He thinks Jimmy is weak, pathetic, and simply put a loser. He's annoying, easy to push around, and doesn't put up too much of a fight, which is good, because - hot take - A!Curly is just as much of a pushover as the canon one.

He puts on a mean face and abuses his power to put down the others, to make himself feel better (feel important and in control), but if someone shows that they can snap back he loses the fight quite easily.

He's a people pleaser, the top student with no personal life kind. It's just that he's looking for approval as a 'tough leader' now. You know, the epitome of masculinity with nerves of steel and 0 sensitivity.

People usually need 10 years of experience to become a captain, he got the title in half that time, unlike canon!Curly (If someone asks how it was totally natural and due to his stellar performance! Don't question it too much!)

He doesn't have anything much going on back on Earth, also unlike canon Curly. He distances himself from his family (never truly satisfied with his achievements) and has no close friends. He sees no point in making any now that he spends most of his time in space. Doesn't really believe in love, either.

He didn't pass the psych eval twice in a row and is on Pony Express approved (questionable) antidepressants/mood stabilizers. Still fit to fly!

With all that being said; he considers Jimmy an easy target and abuses him primarily because of that. He can't stand this weakling stumbling around all pathetic and apologetic, while he has to work so hard to keep up his reputation.

It pisses him off that some guy just… doesn't care that others see him like this. Curly would care, it would break him if anyone thought of him like they do of Jimmy! So it's annoying that this janitor doesn't even try.

A perfect excuse to make himself feel bigger, too; it's not like he's a bad guy. This loser needs to learn, after all, that people like him don't survive in a place like this.

It gets worse when he starts realizing, that Jimmy is putting up a front and is actually way more cunning and capable than people think. Makes him feel on edge, paranoid. Like Jimmy is there to make him spiral; like he was sent by his higher-ups to check on him.

Then he finds out Jimmy is actually an emergency pilot (not on any papers Curly had access to). Yeah, he hates his guts.

When they enter their 'relationship' (it's mostly very humiliating hate sex ngl), Curly gets to know him a bit better. He still resents him, even more knowing that Jimmy can be a cold and cruel man under the mask of submissiveness. And even more, when Jimmy shows just how little respect he has for his captain.

But it's… a relief, having someone know how you really are, seeing your 'worst self'. He kind of feels like with every small thing he reveals to Jimmy, he gives up a bit more of control and gives him more ammunition, but well. Bitches be lonely.

So they have this weird thing going on, where Curly abuses Jimmy in front of the crew and during work hours, to unwind and reassure himself about his position and vent the abuse he experiences from HIS higher-ups, and Jimmy abuses him in private (for many, many reasons. Also bc he's sadistic).

They both think that if they hurt the other enough, he will stop hurting them. They're wrong. Although Curly gives up more easily, and Jimmy goes overboard quite a lot (as he has nothing to lose, is an obsessive weirdo, and was keeping his mouth shut about what Curly was doing for so long that at this point all the years of hatred are spilling out. He also has a personal vendetta against Curly, because he admired him and wanted to befriend him before he became a captain (and had any power over him) and Curly just started treating him like trash soon after getting the title).

YEAH sorry I will talk more about it later, sorry for being chaotic - they're just awful and disgusting and need to be put on some kind of meds (Curly's pills don't count)

#SORRY I HOPE IT MAKES SOME SENSE IG #abuse cw #abuse mention cw #workplace abuse #jimcurly #anti tulpar au #sorry for my ranting

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briefoxx · 2 months ago

Text

Hi I'm Brie (she/it)

I'm a stupid little transfemme gender fluid puppy/fox girl-thing and this is my 18+ kink blog thing :p

(currently no HRT)

(this is a side blog so likes and follows are under a different name)

(bwuh)

No minors allowed / No age in bio = block (18+ ONLY)

I'm a stupid little subby puppy and fox girl thing

Please feel free to send me horny asks I am as one might say an attention whore and I love being stupid and flustered so feel free to do anything along those lines or send me just about anything (unless I say I don't like it)

I'm 21 and a lesbian/bisexual idiot who is very weak to women (and dick)

(I generally lean more towards non cis individuals but uhh yeag)

Queer Safe Space

Chasers DNI

Transphobes and Racists DNI

Assholes DNI

Kinks:

Petplay

Praise (please please please)

Hypno

Plushification (make me a puppy plushie >~<)

Mind break

Corruption

Oral Fixation (mine)

Body writing (write on me :P)

Force fem

Breeding

Overstim

Degradation (but not too much) mixed with soft dom

Slight humiliation

Musk (I like to sniff :3)

(free use and light CNC is a maybe iunno)

(maybe exhibition idk :p)

I like being called lil sis and calling someone big sis but that is the extent of Fauxcest

No nos:

Scat

Gore

Rape

Detrans/sissy

My asks and DMs are open at all time (good vibes only :3) I'll try to respond to things but I do get stupid, feel free to do whatever you want with me tho :33

If I am uncomfortable with anything I will say so (if it's an ask I probably won't respond) but I do have limits :p

(bad vibes = block)

Feel free to send asks as well (anon or not) :p horny asks allowed :3

#stupid fox talks is my go-to tag :p

(I edit this a lot bc I either change my mind, forget things, or just find better ways to word things :p)

#stupid fox talks #real fox talk #foxanswer #fox irl #lesbian #bisexual #pinned post

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ursuburbanmother · 10 months ago

Text

I’m On Fire, But I’m Trying Not to Show It || Chapter Two

Pairing: Angus Tully x fem!reader

a/n: Hi guys! Back with chapter two!! Thank you for all the love last chapter! You guys are too sweet! I hope you like this chapter as well, although we get a little angsty in this one oops. Also author note at the end!

Word count: 5k.

Find: Part 1 Part 3 Part 4

Enjoy!

December 17, 1970. Still.

Paul Hunham didn’t think his luck could get any worse but then that moron at the Janie Patrick's Girl School had to go make his problems, his. Then at the young lady’s arrival Angus Tully practically had hearts popping out his eyes like those cartoon characters on TV. That would be an issue. An issue he had to deal with at once.

As the boys grumbled and moaned on their way to the infirmary, as if they were the Athenians sent to march to Marathon in 490 BC, he made his way to the kitchen, looking for a certain cook.

“Hello, Mary,” he greets. She sits at her desk with a cigarette between two fingers, writing something down in her notebook.

“Mr. Hunham. I heard you got stuck with babysitting duty this year. How’d you manage that?” Her tone tiptoes on the edge of teasing.

“Oh, I don’t know. I suppose I failed someone who richly deserved it.”

“The Osgood kid? Yeah, he was a real asshole. Rich and dumb. Popular combination around here.”

“It’s a plague. Uh, and you? You’ll be here, too?” God, he hopes she is. He doesn’t think he will be able to survive as the only adult on the school grounds.

To his relief she nods her head, “All by my lonesome. My little sister Peggy and her husband invited me to go visit them in Roxbury, but I feel like it’s too soon. Like Curtis will think that I’m abandoning him, you know. This is the last place my baby and I were together, not including the bus station.”

Paul pursues his lips, unsure of what to say. “Well, maybe you won't be completely alone. How would you feel about letting a female student sleep in the staff common room? We could push some couches together, I'm sure. Make a nice bed that way.”

“Female student? What do you mean?”

“I’m unsure about the exact details, but I have been entrusted by the idiots across the lake with taking care of one of their students.”

“Ahh,” Mary is beginning to understand.

He nods, “Her name is Y/n L/n, I think she and Tully are in cahoots somehow. You should've seen the way he looked at her.”

“Oh no, don't do that though. You can’t have that poor girl sleep on a lumpy couch all break. She needs a bed.”

“I just want this whole ordeal to go smoothly. If I can keep those two as far away as possible, I believe all will be well.”

“Please that Tully boy wouldn't try anything. Sometimes he is the only one to say thank you when we place the food down on the lunch tables.”

Paul mulls it over for a second. “I suppose I could give it a try. Not that I think it is wise.”

Mary smiles slightly, “I know those kids are hard to handle but hold out hope for them. Some trust too. It's not too late yet. Their brains are still moldable or whatever corny crap you teachers say.”

Paul smiles slightly, his attention pulled to the bottle of bourbon on her desk, “You mind if I uh…”

“You want some of that? All right.”

“Thank you.”

“You know this is a necessity,” Mary says as she pours the liquid into a mug for him.

“Oh yes,” for life, love, pain or the next two weeks. Paul understands too well.

…

“Put the bed farther away Angus,” you say, your arms on your hips and you watch him struggle to drag his bed closer to yours.

“Why? Do I smell or something?”

“It's already a stretch to think he might let us sleep in the same room, he's definitely not going to let your bed be that close to mine.”

Huffing he begins to scoot it back to its original place, “Fine.”

Music has started blaring loudly from where Teddy and Jason are bunking in. Park and Ollerman are minding their business in their own space. You are across, what you think will be the place Mr. Hunham will stay in. Your hope is that him having an accessible view will make him more lenient towards you and Angus, despite his earlier warning of having you be on your own.

You situate your lavender near the window and begin to unpack your things. Angus does the same and you can hear his rustling get faster.

“What's wrong?” You ask.

“My…” He trails off. Suddenly he storms off like a man on a mission. You ignore the magazine you were flipping through and let it fall on the floor as you get up to follow him.

You see him head directly towards Kountze. “Where’s my photo?”

“What photo?”

“I think you know what photo, and you stole it.”

“I resent that baseless accusation.”

“Give me my goddamn picture!” Angus shouts.

“Hey man, if you took the photo just give it back,” you plead exasperatedly to Teddy, already tired of his whole innocent act.

“Stay out of it Y/n, it's alright,” Angus assures you and you move back to lean against the doorway. You sort of hope Angus socks him.

Kountze leaps to his feet and stalks towards him, “You need your girlfriend to defend you now? Seriously, what's your problem, Tully? Homesick? Maybe the little boy misses his mommy?”

“Fuck you, Kountze. Leave her out of it. And hey, why are you even here anyway? Where’s your family?”

“We’re renovating our house. It’s all torn up. They’re storing the tools and stuff in my room.” “That’s what they told you? It’s winter, idiot. Nobody renovates their house in the winter. Your parents don’t want you around because you’re a fucking insecure sociopath.”

“Hey, take it easy, guys.”

You can see Angus getting angrier. His shoulders are tense and in a last ditch effort you go up to him and whisper in his ear, “Punch him later. In private. Hunham won’t even hear our reasoning for rooming together. He’ll punish you by punishing me.”

Misery loves company, right? That was the saying at least. In your mind, suffering with Angus was better than the alternative. You didn’t want to spend these two weeks inside a glass case. From what you had seen, Hunham would have no problem in making you sit at your own lunch table or study in a separate classroom. You know that is what Ms. Orchard would have done if she was forced to take in the boys. She would have locked you in your dorm and insisted it was because you would “distract” them.

You can see the gears turning in Angus’s mind. He bites the inside of his cheek and finally nods before turning back to glare at Kountze. “You’re an asshole. I just needed you to know that.”

He turns around to retreat back to the room only to run straight into Mr. Hunhams chest. Angus leaps off and leans his back against the wall. Your own eyes widened, you hadn’t even heard the man's footsteps.

He surveys the room and notes all your disheveledness. Teddy's face looks flushed while Angus is still trying to control his heavy breathing. Everyone is completely silent and too scared to even make a move.

“What is going on here?”

“They weren’t fighting,” Alex squeaked. Mr. Hunham only seems to grow more suspicious. He shifted his sights to you and his eyebrow begins to raise, “They weren’t bothering you were they.”

“No. We were just talking,” you swallow the lump in your throat.

“What about?”

“Hmm?” You hum, straightening up.

“What were you all discussing mere seconds before I barged in on what, I am sure, was a highly intellectual conversation.”

“Shocking Blue,” you blurt out and Hunham turns his head as if asking for clarification. “The band that was on the radio.”

“Yeah, we love Shocking Blue,” Angus nods. The rest of the boys chime in, faking their agreement.

“They’re so good.”

“I listen to them all the time.”

Mr. Hunham continues to look unconvinced. Without a word he walks out, and you all collectively let out a sigh of relief. For a moment, you all stare at each other with giddiness. Like when you're a kid and get away with stealing a cookie from the cooling tray. You let yourself relax but shrivel back up upon the echo of Mr. Hunham's haunting voice, “Mr. Tully, Ms. L/n, in here. NOW.”

You frown, gazing up at Angus, “I think he found the room.”

…

After a stern talking to, Mr. Hunham begrudgingly agreed to let you and Angus sleep in the same room. He took a string of jingle bells that hung from a nearby Christmas decoration and tied it around Angus’s bedpost so that if he dared to move, he would hear it. You two were just fine with that.

Later you were escorted to the large dining hall. Mr. Hunham sat at the head of the table as the rest of you indulged in mindless chatter. You and Angus were on your third round of rock, paper, scissors, competing for nothing, when a lady came in to set down a platter of chicken, potatoes and asparagus.

“Lovely. Thank you, Mary.” the older man says.

You wait for the initial rush of grubby hands and pushing elbows to pass before you serve yourself, when you find that Angus already did it for you. He sets down the plate in front of you and then gets himself a serving of the green vegetable on his own dish.

“Didn’t we already have this for lunch?” Jason asks.

“And it was crappy then,” Teddy says through his eager chewing. You gag at the scene.

“Consider yourselves lucky. During the third Punic campaign, 149-146 B.C., the Romans laid siege to Carthage for three entire years. By the time it ended, the Carthaginians were reduced to eating sand and drinking their own urine. Hence the term punitive.”

The woman from earlier, that you now know is Mary, returns with some water. You give her a passing smile which she returns.

“Mary, maybe you’d, um, maybe you would care to join us,” Hunham stumbles through his words.

Kountze looks up from his food then glances at you with alarm. Like he can't fathom the idea of sitting with the cook.

You think Mary can sense his disdain when you notice her demeanor sour after a glimpse in his direction. “No, I’m all right. Thank you.” She escapes through the kitchen doors.

Teddy pipes up, “I mean, I know she’s sad about her son and everything, but still, she’s getting paid to do a job. And she should do it well, right?”

The chewing and scraping of silverware halts. You and Angus gauge each other's reaction, both of you completely shocked and slightly horrified. That boy for some reason just never knows when to shut up and continues, “But I guess no matter how bad a cook she is, now they can never fire her.”

“Will you shut up!” Mr. Hunham yells loud enough for you to flinch. He slams his fork and knife down. “You have no idea what that woman has… For most people, Mr. Kountze, life is like a henhouse ladder -- shitty and short. You were born lucky. Maybe someday you entitled little degenerates will appreciate that. If you don’t, I feel sorry for you, and we will not have done our jobs. Now eat!”

…

You're on your bed and catching up on some reading and soaking in the orange hue that the bedside lamp offers you. The boys are still getting ready for bed, and you were graciously offered the first shift in the showers. You’re waiting for your hair to dry when Angus walks in with his pajamas on, and a towel draped over his shoulders.

“You look very dapper,” You smirk.

“Thank you,” he plops down into his mattress. “You think Walleye is still mad?”

“Probably. I don’t blame him.”

“It made for a pretty awkward evening though.”

“Not one of the worst dinners I ever had. I’d rather endure another night like this than any dinner with my parents.”

“Oh yeah,” he sighs, “Your parents... You never did tell me the reason why you’re here holding over.”

You shuffle around in your bed and bring your blanket up to your neck, “Doesn’t matter.”

“Come on, it's just me now. Tell me. I told you!”

“It's no big reason, just small ones. They didn’t specify. I didn’t want to go home. It's complicated.”

“Okay you just gave like four different excuses right there. What happened? Is it super embarrassing? Did they forget about you or something,” he laughs.

You wince at his words and pray that the world opens up and swallows you whole. Realization dawns on his face, “Oh shit. Did they?”

You nod solemnly and begin picking on the thread of the blanket, trying to make the threading come undone.

“How could they do that? The same assholes who always make a huge deal about RSVPs and invitations. Seriously?”

“It’s alright. I’ll live. I mean what would I have done if I was there? I’d be in my room and waiting for them to drag me out so they could introduce me to people. They’d act like doting parents, ditching me a second later to play blackjack with their friends.”

“I’m sorry. I wish you would have told me, we could’ve… I could have done something.”

You smile, “I didn’t tell you cause I know you. You would’ve cursed them out the minute you had hold of them. Anyways, maybe it was faith to get stranded at Barton.”

“Or bad luck,” he quips, “maybe the universe wants us to die of mundanity together.”

“Either or,” you grin. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. Let's go to bed.”

Angus nods and spreads his long limbs across the bed exaggeratingly before turning to face the wall. “Whatever you want. Goodnight, Y/n.”

“Goodnight,” you go to turn off the lamp, wondering if you're being paranoid in sensing something off in the way he says your name.

…

December 20, 1970

The last few days had been the same grueling routine. Mr. Hunham would wake you up with the banging of bedpans and you would groan and try to shove yourself deep into your pillows.

“All right, you fetid layabouts,” he would say, “It’s daylight in the swamp. Arise!”

In the quad you were all forced to run laps. You hadn’t anticipated doing exercise, so you were forced to wear some joggers from the lost and found. You had been able to convince him that walking would be better suited for you and your imaginary cramps. His face had completely paled, and he hadn’t even let you finish speaking when he said you walking would be just fine. Men and their immaturity, you think.

When Angus and the rest of the boys would pass by you, he would glare jokingly at you while you would stick your tongue out and wave him goodbye as he flew past you.

During study hall, you would read some more and ignore the ongoing feud between Kountze and Angus. In the span of the last few days, you must have read three entire books. There was a lot of downtime in between recreational time with Mr. Hunham and dinner.

Today you had all decided to walk along the river. You can hear the church bells in the distance signaling the fact that it is the afternoon. Angus is swinging around a branch while Teddy and Jason pass around a football. You steer clear of both. You walk in sync with Alex and Ye-Joon. You’ve taken a liking to them. They remind you of the little sibling you always wanted but never got.

“What about your car?” Angus suggests, “We could take it, go somewhere. Boston maybe.” Jason shakes his head, “Nah, we’d get in so much trouble. Face it. We’re stuck.”

“If we just had some way to get out of here. Just split,” Angus kicks a pile of snow.

“Well, you could put a chopper down right in the Quad.”

“A what?”

“A helicopter, dumb ass,” Teddy snaps, “His old man’s CEO of Pratt & Whitney.”

“Got his own bird,” Jason confirms, “Takes it from Stamford to the city every morning. Lands right in our backyard. Pilot’s name, Wild Bill.”

“Wild Bill?” Ye-Joon awes.

“Yeah. Flew up to Haystack with it. Took the presents and everything. Minus me,” he shrugs.

“Flying with presents, like Santa Claus,” Alex comments with glee.

“Yeah. Just like Santa Claus.”

Jason whistles and tilts his head for Teddy to “go long.” They play catch, getting farther from the group as they go.

“If I was back home right now back in Provo, it would be really warm inside, and my mom would be making baked apples, and the whole house would smell like cinnamon and brown sugar,” Alex reminisces. You smile sadly at the boy.

“That sounds so nice,” Ye-Joon agrees.

Kountze runs back suddenly and grabs one of Alex’s gloves and throws it into the river.

“What's wrong with you?” You intervene.

“Hey!” Alex says simultaneously.

“That’s what you get for ratting me out, little Mormon,” Teddy laughs, not an ounce of regret at what he just did. You tap Angus’s shoulder as you go trailing after the young boy, “I’m going to go help.”

“It’s gone! My glove’s gone!” Ollerman shouts. You continue searching for it through the clearing.

“Twisted fucker orphaned that glove on purpose. Left you with one so the loss would sting that much more,” Angus shouts back.

Ollerman looks to be on the verge of tears. He stares down at his hands and starts walking down a snowy ramp. He throws the other glove before you can do anything to stop it. He watches it disappear downstream as you make your own way down.

“Did your mother make you that?”

He nods. “It’s alright. I know where he keeps his wallet. We’ll steal it and buy a new one.”

You manage to bring out a muffled laugh from him. You consider it a win.

…

Angus wakes up in the middle of the night to see you knitting. He gets up from the bed to see your progress.

“Oh hello, grandma,” he scoffs. “When did you learn to do that?”

“Girl scouts before I quit. You guys had a bunch of yarn just rotting behind your auditorium stage. Did you know that?”

“No? Are you making that for the kid?”

“Yeah, I feel bad.”

“That looks like crap,” Angus chuckles as he messes around with the gloves fingers. You swat his hand away.

“I never said I earned the badge. Besides, it's the thought that counts.”

“I’m going to get a glass of water. You want some?”

“No thanks.”

Angus leaves the room, only to return a couple seconds later.

“Ye-Joon is crying,” he whispers. You furrow your eyebrows and get up to follow him. His cries become louder, and you turn the corner to see the poor boy shivering.

“Are you all right?” You ask.

“I had a nightmare,” You crouch down so you can hear him better.

“Don’t worry we get nightmares too. Right Angus?”

“Yeah, I’m always falling. Or drowning.”

“Also, I had an accident,” he weeps.

You motion for Angus to check. He doesn't have to look far.

“Yeah, you did. Shhh. Stop crying. If they hear you, they’ll crucify you. Which would be ironic, since you’re Buddhist.”

“I know it’s an excellent school, and my brothers went here. But I miss my family, and I have no friends,” he sobs full-on. You hush him gently.

“You have plenty of time to make friends. You’re like a freshman, right? I would start worrying when you're fifty and living vicariously through your kids.”

“Yeah man. You could have a thousand friends and not like any of them. What would be the point of having them then,” Angus adds.

“We’ll help you hide the sheets in the morning, all right?” You wipe his tears with a tissue from a Kleenex box nearby. “Find a dry spot and try to get some sleep.”

“Thank you,” Park smiles consoled. Before going back to bed you ask him one last thing, “Hey do you like gloves?”

Ye-Joon gives you a quizzical look. …

December 22, 1970

Once again, you’re all studying in silence in a fancy room with portraits of dead white guys on the wall.

Mr. Hunham clears his throat loudly and Jason leans in to mutter in disgust, “Are you kidding me? It’s only eleven and he’s already lit. I can smell the whiskey on him.”

“Can you blame him? It’s freezing in here. It’s fucking Greenland in here,” Angus retorts.

From outside you hear the faint whirring of a machine. Not a car but something else. You all approach the window and spot the helicopter flying above the trees. It lands in the quad just like Jason had said it could. An older man steps out and he looks like one of the men you imagine roam Wall Street.

“He finally caved, the big softie!” Smith exclaims. He all but skips to the door and turns to you all, “Hey, any of you guys like to ski?”

You and Hunham stay behind as the rest go racing after him, filled with hope for what must be the first time in days. He goes to subdue the riot they make as they whoop down the hall, but you stop him by grabbing a hold of the end of his sleeve.

“Uh, sir? If Jason is inviting us, would you have to call our parents?”

“That would be proper protocol, yes.”

“Oh. Is there a way I could stay here then? I never cared for skiing and my parents would say no anyway.”

“Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I’d have to ask Woodrup about this first. Come on along,” he clears the path for you.

Grumbling, you find your way to the administrative offices. Hunham, Jason and his father shut themselves in a room. The boys along with Angus all try to listen in on the conversation by pressing their face as close as humanly possible against the glass. You watch from the sideline as Jason gives you guys a thumbs up. The hallway erupts in cheers and a minute later Mr. Hunham steps out with an announcement, “Gentlemen, good news. I was able to reach Dr. Woodrup and your parents. Most of them, anyway.”

Paul glances at Angus and you. Angus expression falters.

As the rest pack, you find refuge in your room. You can, however, hear Angus’s pleads.

“Try calling again. Just one more time. Please.”

“There’s no point. The desk clerk said no one’s answering. He says they’re away on some excursion.”

“Excursion,” he repeats.

Mr. Hunham scoffs, “I’m as disappointed as you are, if not more so. I could be spending the rest of my vacation reading mystery novels.”

“Maybe they’re back by now. Just call again.”

“Okay,” he gives in and marches down the corridor.

Ye-Joon had wished you goodbye a moment ago and now does the same for Angus, “Happy Holidays.”

“Same to you.”

“Take care, Tully.” Smith follows Park, giving him a pitiful pat on the arm.

You catch Alex as he is about to exit. You’ve wrapped the gloves you worked on endless last night in newspapers. “This is for you. Try not to get them stolen by Teddy again. I don’t think my fingers can handle another round of knitting.”

Ollerman smiles genuinely, giving you a hug you didn’t expect. You’re unable to return it as he has your stiff arms completely glued to your side. You follow him out, and Angus scowls in your direction.

“Why aren’t you more upset about this? That was our only way out and we blew it.”

“Don’t be so dramatic. Did you really want to go skiing with Kountze that badly?”

“No, I wanted to get out of here badly. Your parents seriously didn’t answer either?”

“Um-.”

“Hey, you know what! Maybe Hunham can call them again and they can take us both in!”

“Angus no-,”

“Yeah, come on! Let's go ask,” he tugs at your hand to get you through the corridor.

“No Angus. I don’t want to.”

“What, why?”

You run your hand through your hair, “I asked Mr. Hunham not to ring them.”

“Wait. So, you didn’t even try to leave!”

“No! I thought I was clear the night we talked about why I didn’t want to go back to that house. If they answer they’ll pull the victim card and be all ‘I can’t believe you guys kept my child from me! Who do I sue?’ before coming to fetch me and berating me all the way back.”

“Listen, I wasn’t going to say anything because I could tell you were upset but you could have at least let them know for both our sakes. Then we could have spent the holidays in a hotel in Boston or something! We didn’t have to stay with them.”

“I knew you were off that night!” You curse the way you’ve managed to read him. “Anyways, with what money? To do what?”

“I don’t-, I don’t know… we could have figured it out.”

“I can’t believe you're getting mad at my decision.”

“It’s a pretty selfish one,” his eyes widened like he couldn't believe the words that came out of his mouth.

You gasp and hit him harshly at his side. “Ow!” he yelps.

“You’re being an asshole right now. I’ve never been madder at you in my entire life.”

“Really? What about that time I spilled mashed potatoes all over your dress? Your face was beet red,” he mocks.

You go to swat at him again only for him to dodge you. You try once more and fail, almost falling onto the floor but stopping yourself by putting your hand on the nearest wall. If you weren’t so angry this would have reminded you of the times you would wrestle when you were eight. Especially now and the way he holds you back by putting his hand on your forehead to keep you at arm's length. You give up with a huff and you b-line to your room.

“Tell Mr. Hunham I won't be at dinner tonight!”

You hear him groan behind the door you slammed shut and then the sound of his footsteps fading. In your solitude you collapse on the bed, letting out a scream into your pillow. Even though it's muffled, you hope Angus can feel it from where he is. That it reaches him and causes goosebumps to arise all over his stupidly long arms. …

You had skipped out on dinner like you said you would. Although Mr. Hunham had been polite enough to bring a plate down to the infirmary. As he handed it to you, he said lowly, “I’m not sure what that little deviant did, but I’m sure it's related to his foul mood and your absence tonight. Let me know if I can do anything.”

You almost wanted to cry at his politeness. Later he invited you to the kitchen common room and claimed there was a TV there. Considering you had only stared at words on a page for the last few days, you jumped at the offer. You saw Mary there and to your displeasure Angus had been forced to tag along so that Mr. Hunham could supervise him.

Your eyes were glued to the television, not letting Angus’s burning stare get the best of you. They were watching “The Newlywed Game” and drinking from mugs. It was not half-bad. In fact, it was starting to get pretty good to see these couples have their relationship crushed within a thirty-minute runtime with ad breaks in between.

The boy had begun throwing pieces of balled up paper at you and you picked them off your hair and tried your damnedest to not pay him any mind. You could hear him tear a new page from that magazine of his and finally you snapped at him. “Will you stop it? You’re wasting paper.”

“Thank God. You’re talking to me,” he stood straighter in his seat. “Here's the thing, I'm sorry. I should have never said that you were selfish. Cause you’re like, not. You’re honestly the most unselfish person I know.”

“I don’t want your apology right now. I’m watching TV.”

“I just got caught up in the moment is all. The truth is that-.”

“Angus, I said I don’t want to hear it!” You raised your voice loud enough to catch the attention of both Mr. Hunham and Mary.

“Everything alright back there?” Hunham takes the pipe out of his mouth to ask.

You get up, brushing invisible dust off your skirt. “Can I be excused. I’m pretty tired.”

“That’ll be fine.”

“Thank you,” You pick up your discarded book from the nearby coffee table before leaning down and whispering in Angus' ear, “Don't follow me.”

As you stomp away you hear Mary say, “We need to get those two onto this program. Win us a trip to Bermuda.”

Mr. Hunham lets out a suppressed chuckle, embracing it soon after along with Mary. You roll your eyes at the pair and their drunkenness. You’re comforted by the fact that they’ll have a big headache tomorrow. …

You’re shaken at a frantic rate. You went to sleep early but were awoken now by a mischievous looking Angus. He dangles a set of keys right in front of your face.

“What are you doing?” You squint under the harsh glare of the flashlight.

“Inviting you on a night of adventure. Walleye is completely blacked out. He won’t even notice us gone.”

“No thank you,” you turn away from him and drape your blanket over your head. He tugs it back down.

“Come on. Please?”

“I’m still not in the mood. Plus, now I’m tired.”

“Y/n,” he whines.

“If you find a cookie in a pantry somewhere you know what to do,” you murmur, already being lulled back to sleep by the warmth you feel under the covers.

“Y/n,” he says more seriously, “I am sorry.”

“I know,” you sigh. Maybe you had been too harsh. You prop yourself up on your elbows, “It’ll be better tomorrow. We will talk then.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

He embraces you tightly in a hug. As he parts away, you two are face to face. You’re able to notice his eyes gleam under the light of the moon. You wonder when his eyes got to be that dark of a brown. Those same eyes flicker to your lips. You stare at him wearily as he clears his throat, scratching the back of his neck. He walks backwards to leave, his back bumping into a nearby lamp. “Shit. Sorry. Uh, goodnight. Bye.”

You were probably disorientated. Sleep deprived most definitely. Or maybe that secondhand smoke finally got to you. Surely you were just seeing things. Because surely, your best friend hadn’t just looked at you the way songs and books always seemed to describe love.

a/n: Thanks again for reading! Just to clarify some things, obviously Y/n knows about Angus’s dad, but just like in the movie, he doesn’t let it show how much it affects him. That’s why Y/n is unaware of why Boston is such a big deal. Anyways bye :)) until next time. Let me know your thoughts.

#angus tully x reader #angus tully #the holdovers

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verynormaleatinghab1ts · 3 months ago

Text

Master list of everything I do/have done for wɛight lºss:

For context: I've had an ɛd since the beginning of 2022 (though possibly longer?) and have had a lot of trial and error in that time. I am currently at my all-time lowest wɛight and this is my third or fourth rɛlapse. My heavıest ever was ɓmi 25. For this rɛlapse my start was ɓmi 23 at the beginning of August and now I'm down to ɓmi 18.7 as of October. This is gonna be a very thorough master list of all the stuff I keep consistent at to lºse wɛight.

1. Hydration:

Ik you are hearing this for the umpteenth time but DRINK SO MUCH WATER. I probably drink anywhere from 70-100 oz of water a day. You should drink at least HALF YOUR BODY WɛIGHT IN OUNCES of water every day (120 lbs = 60oz water minimum). Whenever my cup is empty I refill it asap or drink sparkling water which I LOVE. The reasons for this are obvious, it takes up stomach space, fends off hunger pangs, hydration, yada yada hopefully you know what water is and does.

2. Other drinks:

I very scarcely consume liquid cªlories. If I want a drink with more flavor, sparkling water, unsweetened tea, or (very rarely) zero/diɛt of whatever soda I'm craving. I don't like energy drinks/coffee but those work as well.

That being said, I still allow it sometimes (meaning if my cªlorie budget allows for it). For example, my favorite drink is AriZona green tea, which is not very high in cªlories if you find the right portion size. The bottles are 160 cªls each, and they sell regular 12 oz cans for 80 cªls each. It's all about portion sizes, even for drinks!

Otherwise, I don't drink a lot of juice or soda anyway. If I do want juice, I try to get it in pouch/can/bottle form instead of from the jugs so they are pre-portioned and I don't have to wɛigh it out to calculate cªls. I have some compulsory thing that I feel the need to CHUG every drink I have, so this helps keep me from gulping down half a gallon of sugar water and is still within my budget. I don't drink protein shakes really, but if it's within your budget, there's no reason not to (especially as a meal replacement).

For alcºhol… sometimes I let myself splurge on cªls a little bit bc these days I only drink if I'm REALLY going through it (bc cªlories got me trippin' so hard I kind of stopped being an alcºholic), but otherwise, I hardly drink at all anymore. When I do, I'll do shots of whatever liquºr I've got atm. 90-100 cªls a shot is atrocious but on an empty stomach, it'll hit quick. Other options I've utilized include hard seltzers, liquºr in diet soda/watered-down juice, or spiked teas. Lower in cªls than other things (generally) and good for someone with a lower alc tolerance. I love beer and wine but it's just not effective and too high cªl if I'm looking to get smashed.

3. Apple Cider Vinegar:

Pretty much since I developed an ɛd, apple cider vinegar has been involved in some form or another. I should also mention that all of these methods have helped a lot with my acne (which was my main excuse for why I was always consuming these things so often). *I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW IF IT DOES ANYTHING BUT I WILL ALWAYS TAKE A WɛIGHT LºSS PLACEBO IF IT WORKS*

At first, I would take shots (2 TBSP or 1.5 oz) of it in the morning every day, usually just alongside water or tea (though I never personally minded the taste that much). I wouldn't recommend this method since it definitely irritates your teeth/mouth/throat/stomach after prolonged use, and makes your stomach hurt if you don't take it with enough water.

Next, I tried ACV gummies. The downside, is these do have cªls (I think about 20 or 30 for 2 pieces?) and unfortunately I found them delicious so they were always tempting me from my bathroom cabinet. Also, they were pricey and inconvenient since I'd always forget to ɛat them in the morning.

Now I take ACV capsules since I prefer to just swallow pills over chewing up a sticky little gummy every morning. No cªls, no taste, quick and easy, MUCH cheaper. I take 2 in the morning and 2 at night, but DO NOT start with that many because it will hurt your stomach. Start with just one in the morning and increase from there.

4. Intake:

I want to make it very clear that ɛating ANY amount under your BMR (basal mɛtabolic rate) will result in wɛight lºss, and this can be calculated on various websites. You don't have to ɛat under 1000 to lºse. You could ɛat OVER 1000 and still lºse. Please use your best judgment to find the right amount for your needs.

I don't track/count net cªlories (cªlories after subtracting cªlories burned), only the total amount of cªlories I CONSUME. I may bump it up a little *very sparingly* but I've maybe only done that 3 or 4 times in the past three months, and never any more than my maintenance cªlories. For me, 500-800 range is just enough to keep me from going insane while still consistently dropping a good amount of wɛight every week. And I don't track seasonings at all because that's literally dumb lol. If using enough salt and pepper to kill a small child will get you to fill up on broccoli instead of bınging on chips who gaf. It'll be >5 cªls regardless, you'll burn that many cªls just sprinkling it in and chewing.

5. Tracking cªls:

I track everything I eat and I wɛigh out my fºod pretty frequently, but usually only for things like meat, dairy, or high carb/sugar foºds. 5 or 10 extra grams that I would let slide before could add a lot more cªlories than you realize (and mostly from fªt or sugar 😧). I don't bother wɛighing out low cªl foods usually, I just make rough wɛight/volume measurements. I usually overestimate my cªls and still end up ɛating below my budget anyway. As someone who would wɛigh out every single little thing that went into my body (including water) to the hundredth decimal gram, being obsessive about it will drive you insane and you will risk a miserable bınge/rɛstrict cycle. It's stressful and annoying and you will still lºse wɛight if you don't.

I don't track/care about my macrºs at all. I do try to ɛat more protein than bread and sugar when I can, but I don't really prioritize it. I would recommend that you do though, PRIORITIZE PROTEIN AND FIBER because these keep you full for longer and will help you to feel less tired from undɛrɛating.

6. Fªsting/OMªD:

What I feel has been absolutely key to my success has been fªsting and OMªD (one mɛal a day). I fªst a minimum of 20 hours every day and only ɛat dinner (because it's required in my house) + a small snack (usually an apple 🤤). My dinners range anywhere from 200-600 cªls and I never let my snack go over 200 cªls. This keeps me full through the night, and throughout the day I tend to keep myself so busy that I forget to ɛat anyway.

Once (sometimes twice) a week I will do a fªst anywhere between 40-50 hours but I would recommend 24-36 hours for someone who does not fªst for long periods as often since this has had a lot of negative side effects for me (fainting, dizziness, nausea, vomiting, stomachache, headache, low blood pressure, spikes/drops in heart rate, weakness, exhaustion). A lot of my issues come from overproduction of stomach acid, dehydration, and general shitty blood circulation. If you do want to fªst for longer periods, here are my tips:

Constantly be drinking water and stay super hydrated.

Chew gum, this produces saliva and reduces acid production.

Absolutely NO carbonated drinks, this will INCREASE acid production!

Extremely light to NO exercise (I break this rule a lot 😓), conserve your energy while fasting.

Drink hot liquids (tea, coffee, water) in the morning, this keeps me from getting nauseous and lightheaded throughout the day.

My body cannot handle any pills/vitamins on an empty stomach, so take with caution (obv don't do this if you take medication you're required to take with food)

Overall reduce stimuli like lights, sounds, temperatures, and smells. These usually make my side effects much worse and cause me to get sick more often (but I also have autism so that may factor).

Keep yourself occupied, preferably something with your hands. I get a lot done with school and a lot of my hobbies like writing, puzzles, painting, etc. I also deep clean and organize things around the house frequently which keeps me occupied for a couple hours.

7. Exercise:

In the past, I had a pretty bad exercise ªddiction whenever I would be deep in my ɛd, and honestly, it didn't help much at all. It made me extremely tired and sore all the time and it led me to bınge often because I told myself it would "cancel out". Exercise does not contribute to wɛightlºss as much as people think it does, since wɛightlºss is primarily done through your diɛt. Now, I exercise once or twice a week (if at all), and this is the most wɛight I've ever lost and KEPT OFF, so slowing down on the exercise has really helped me a lot. I primarily do cardio like walking, stairmaster, playing sports, home workouts etc., but nothing super intense. I only aim to get over 2000 steps a day and am pretty sedentary because of school.

8. Actual foods I eat:

Disclaimer: Outside of ªna, I also have dealt with ARFıD/super picky ɛating my whole life, so this list won't be super varied and relatively basic.

First things first, take multivitamins/supplements. Especially Iron, Calcium, Vitamin B12, and Vitamin D. I prefer capsules, but if gummies, drink mixes, etc are easier DO THAT. These are essential vitamins and minerals that will keep you from feeling like walking dead.

Protein: I have never ɛaten pork, and I very scarcely ɛat beef or lamb. I pretty much only ɛat chicken/turkey for everything which is leaner and higher in protein than other meats. I don't like/ɛat seafood or tofu, but that's also an option. I fucking LOVE eggs they're one of my favorite foºds, plus decently low cªl, protein, filling, and delectable in any form. I really really like nuts as well (esp cashews) but it's very rare I get to ɛat them because they are so high cªl 😓 However if you do they're a good source of healthy fªts and protein! I save it for special occasions.

Veggies/fruits: I ɛat A LOT of fruits and veggies bc I try to incorporate several into any foºd I make. Cooking pasta? Fill it with veggies. Stir fry? 90% veggies. Literally anything else? Half my plate is veggies. Volume ɛating is a lifesaver. It keeps me full, adds fiber and vitamins to my diɛt, and is low cªl because they're mostly water, so I ɛat them as much as I want. The fruits/veg I ɛat the most: spinach, kale, lettuce, cabbage, fresh herbs, tomatoes, peppers, onion, broccoli, green beans, ginger, bok choy, carrots, apples, raspberries, blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, grapes, melon, citrus, bananas.

Dairy: Low fªt, skim, or 0% fªt dairy products are always the go-to, you get the same result for whatever you're subbing it for. I haven't drank cows milk since I was a wee child because it's disgusting and I don't really ɛat any dairy other than cheese, so making this swap wasn't very difficult for me. I do try to limit dairy as much as I can though because it is so high in fªt and cªlories. If a recipe has butter or cream I try to leave it out or use as little as possible.

"Breads": I still ɛat things like pasta, tortillas, rice, and regular bread frequently, just in small amounts. And I will almost never double up on 'breads' (like having a bread roll and pasta together). I try to ɛat protein pasta over regular to at least get some benefit from it since it is so high cªl. Lower cªl options you can have a little more freely are anything keto or gluten-free/vegan options. Sometimes if I want toast or a sandwich I will cut one slice of bread in half so I have two very thin slices and it tricks me into thinking I ªte more than I really did. I really love instant noodles but unfortunately they are very high in cªlories so I haven't ɛaten them in a very long time ☹️. Instead I ɛat rice noodles or instant pho since it's pretty low cªl compared to the fried wheat noodles.

9. Junk food swaps/junkorɛxia:

Okay I know you just saw the big list of "healthy" foods but I am a junkorɛxic to my CORE. I love sugar, I love desserts, I love bread, I love cheese, I love chips, I love fast foºd, all of the worst highest cªlorie garbage you can think of. I still ɛat these things from time to time believe it or not, but now we're going back to portion control. Brownies are one of my favorite treats, and I still get to have them if it's *within my budget*. I can still have bread, and chips, and cookies etc, as long as it's *within my budget*. You don't necessarily have to completely cut these things out, because I know when I do, I go crazy and bınge on all of these foºds eventually. Even still, I don't ɛat these fºods very often because I found lower cªl swaps!

I'm not going to try to lie to you and tell you "if you want potato chips ɛat baked broccoli or seaweed instead ❤️" because that shit is WACK and not at all like chips. Here are some swaps I make for most of the garbage I usually would ɛat for the fellow junkorɛxics:

N!CKS/halotop ice cream, zero sugar popsicles/bars: lowest cªl ice cream flavors of N!CKS ice cream are around 1 cªl per gram! I like these because they feel less heavy in my stomach than regular ice cream, and taste more like frozen yogurt anyway 🤤. I haven't actually tried halotop but I assume both brands are similar. Popsicles I can't ever tell a difference, it's just flavored with ice sugar or flavored ice with no sugar, neither are super high cal.

Sugar-free jello and pudding: self-explanatory, taste very very close to the regular to me so I don't even realize a difference! I hate yogurt but zero sugar greek yogurts would work too if you're into that. I use this as a swap for jellos/puddings/ice cream.

Baked chips, savory rice crisps, popcorn: baked chips are lower cªl and lower in fªt by weight, but they taste way different from the regular so don't expect them to be the same. Rice crisps are super low cªl compared to chips and come in a lot of flavors (I like these better than regular chips most of the time bc they're crunchier). Popcorn (even the buttered or other flavors) isn't as high cªl as I assumed it was! Plus it's high volume and filling, bc I know my ass cannot finish a whole bag of microwave popcorn to myself.

Sweet rice cakes, fiber one bars, graham crackers, cinnamon raisin bread, frozen waffles or pancakes (ordered low–high cªl): These are my replacement "baked goods" because that is something I crave a lot. I know most of these aren't at all like cookies, but it works for me personally and I can fit them into my small-ish budget regularly without having to bake everything myself all the time. Even outside of having an ɛd I've always loved rice cakes, so regardless I ɛat them a lot, low cªl, CRUNCHY, cheap. Fiber one bars are like 60-90 cªls + fiber ofc. Graham crackers are 130 cªls for 2 sheets. Cinnamon raisin bread is 90 cªls a slice (personal fav). Frozen waffles/pancakes are usually around 200 cªls a serving.

Sugar-free candy/other: I think it's good to assume any candy that's keto or dairy/sugar-free will be lower cªl than the regular version. I don't really ɛat a lot of candy day-to-day but whenever I crave it I go for granola or fiber one bars, or have a small amount of dark chocolate instead. If I'm craving sour candy, I'll have fruit, jello, fruit gummies, or drink juice. These aren't very good or direct swaps, but I tend to crave flavors and textures more than specific fºod items (if that makes sense). But regardless, if I have enough cªls leftover, I just ɛat the real thing lol.

10. Cook your own food:

Cooking for myself 99% of the time has been crucial for my wɛightlºss. I'm able to wɛigh and portion out all my ingredients accurately to get exact cªlories for anything I make. Plus this way I can throw tons of vegetables into whatever I make to give it more volume/nutrition.

I also cook for my whole family, which means they constantly have high cªl requests for what they want me to make like pastas, fried foºds, burgers, etc. If I know for certain it will fit into my budget, I'll just ɛat it (with much difficulty) so they don't get suspicious. However I'll also swap/remove the super high cªl parts in recipes completely and other times I will add all the high cªl stuff to just their portions and keep a 'clean' portion for myself.

I will pretty much never get take out unless my whole family is getting it, and even then, I try to just have leftovers or cook my own meal instead. If I HAVE to get take out, I try to get the lowest cªl thing I possibly can.

11. Avoiding bınges/munchies:

Out of everything, I would say avoiding bınges is the hardest psychological aspect to get past. I smºke 🍃 every night to sleep, so I be getting the munchies really bad sometimes, and sometimes it feels like there's only so much to do before my brain goes "fuck it" and starts ɛating everything in sight. These are basic, but here are the things that have worked the best for me consistently:

Sparkling water/flavored diɛt drinks. You get the satisfaction of having some sort of flavor on your tongue without the consequences of ɛating, and takes up room in your stomach to trigger fullness hormones.

Gum (especially mint flavor) tricks my brain into thinking I'm ɛating something + mint works as an appɛtite suppressªnt.

Staying busy is the biggest thing, always be doing something that is tedious or involves a lot of focus. I'm very easily distractable regardless, but the second I've really set my attention to one thing, I don't think about anything else. Read/listen to a book, get out of the house and wander for a bit, go for a drive, watch a movie, do a craft, online window shop, play a computer/mobile game, clean/organize. I will very frequently leave my house to wander aimlessly around a store just to get away from any fºod.

When in doubt, sleep it off. At night especially, I'm too lazy to really do all that much so if I feel like I'm going to lose my grip on reality, spark up another bowl and pass tf out. Can't ɛat if I'm sleepin'!

Chɛw/Spıt: I feel like this used to be more popular with ɛd ppl a few years ago but I hardly see anyone talk about doing it now. I do this mostly with mɛals I don't want to ɛat when I'm fªsting or with all the trash I would want to bınge on and it honestly works really well for me! You do probably end up consuming a very small amount of the cªlories, but I always make sure to spıt everything out really well and rinse my mouth/brush my teeth right after.

And that's all I think. Thank you for reading! I spent a lot of time on this so reblogs are appreciated! I hope some of this is at least somewhat helpful to anyone. If y'all have any questions, reach out! Please stay safe, help is always out there whenever you need it. Cheers!

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scekrex · 9 months ago

Note

How about one-sided Adamsapple with Lucifer basically pulling Adam's pigtails, negging every chance he gets. Eventually Adam got fed up and saying he's seeing someone else, and when he is asked who cue new sinner!reader falling directly into his arms and Adam point blank ask him out in front of everyone

I'm such a sucker for one-sided adamsapple like oh my fucking god they'd make such a good fucking couple but I feel like Adam would never commit to Lucifer

The sour taste of unrequited love

pairing: one-sided adamsapple/Adam x male!reader

warnings: language & hurt

note: not beta read bc fuck you I don't have beta readers

Ever since his arrival at the hotel, Lucifer had been following Adam around constantly. And it wasn’t even to keep an eye on the reborn sinner, no, it was to annoy every cell of Adam’s new formed body and get a raise out of him. And the brunette was fed up with the king’s behavior.

It had not taken the first man long to figure out that annoying him was Lucifer’s way of flirting and while Adam was aware that he was attractive - he still had his hot looking body and his damn handsome face after all - he was not interested in hooking up with the devil, and dating the blonde was something the brunette had sworn himself to never to again after God’s former favorite had left him within a heartbeat for Lilith back in Eden. He was stupid enough to fuck around and find out, not to make the same horrible mistake twice.

Today however, seemed to be even worse than usual. Adam was minding his business, he hung out at the bar with you by his side and Husk and Angel - the pornstar and the first man got along surprisingly well, they had a similar sense of humor that had caused them to bond in the first place. That was until a certain blonde, short king came to join your little party. Instead of taking a seat, he pulled on the horns that had grown out of Adam’s head. They looked similar to the ones that had been on Adam’s mask, instead of golden, the tips were a rich purple color though. The brunette was pulled backwards and almost fell from the stool he was sitting on as the devil got on his tiptoes and whispered in Adam’s ear, “Getting drunk huh?” The first man was quick to pull away from Lucifer’s touch. He had not only grown to dislike the devil’s touch, he had learned to purely hate it with his entire heart. And not only the blonde’s touch, but Lucifer's entire presence. “Get the fuck away from me you fucking cunt,” the taller male growled in discomfort and sat up straight again the moment Lucifer let go of him, Angel and Husk shot each other a very obvious look that was ignored by the rest of the group. You watched the situation with an raised eyebrow.

“I fucking know that I look fuckable, but for Christ’s sake, stop fucking touching me,” the brunette had turned around to properly look down at Lucifer, the smaller man looked up at Adam, not even blinking as the clearly angered man continued to speak, “Stop fucking invading my personal space when I’m seeing someone.” That made the devil visibly gulp.

You had just downed another shot as you fell sideways, with your face you landed on Adam’s lap and your arms wrapped around his upper body as you tried to pull yourself closer to the taller man. The anger that had been burning in Adam’s now black eyes disappeared within seconds as he looked down on you. He gently grabbed your body and pulled you closer so that you were seated in his lap now, your head was steadied by his hand as it rested against his shoulder. Alcohol had always made you feel tired, it was no surprise to anyone that you were literally about to fall asleep in Adam’s arms. What was surprising, was that Adam was holding you like you were the most precious thing in his entire after life instead of shoving you off of him like he had done to Lucifer in the past.

Something inside of Lucifer shattered at the sight of you and Adam, he cared about you, even would go as far as to say he liked you and of course he only wished you the best, but you in Adam’s arms did not go well with the feelings he himself held in his heart. Yet he was not able to tear his eyes away from the two of you, not when Adam’s usually grumpy facial features seemed so soft as he watched you, not when the way Adam steadied the back of your head looked so natural. You had gotten what Lucifer had desired ever since he had left Adam, ever since Lilith’s creation. Was Lucifer mad at you? The devil truly could not tell, his emotions were an unsteady mess, he wanted to yell at you, to insult you, to tear you apart and kill you over and over again until Adam would stop caring for you. And at the same time the king wanted to hide away again - he wanted to lock himself in his castle and never come out again, wanted to drown in his sadness and tears, wanted to choke and suffocate on his feelings - feelings he should not have acted on.

Charlie and Vaggie had just entered the hotel, Alastor following behind the couple as Adam pulled you from his shoulder to properly look at you, “Hey little shit,” he grinned at you softly as you smiled back. Your hands were on his face quickly, cupping his jaw like you were about to kiss him, but despite being drunk you were aware that you two had not reached that point yet. “What would your sexy ass say if I were to ask you out on a fucking date?” The tiredness left your body at that question and suddenly you were not only awake, but you also felt pretty sober. “Depends,” you grinned, the brunette knew that you were to agree to his request to go out with him, you were just fucking around. “Are you going to pay?” That made Adam chuckle, “We’ll fucking see.”

Lucifer’s expression dropped entirely, he was quick to disappear from the situation, he had seen and heard enough, there was no reason for the king to stay so he returned to his own room and locked the door from the inside. Charlie on the other side - who had just overheard the conversation - was cheering, she was quite happy for the both of you. “Ya fucking owe me five bucks,” Angel grinned at the winged cat behind the bar, Husk only grumbled, yet there was a smile on his face.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #adam x male reader #male reader #adam x y/n #adam x reader #adam x you #adamsapple #hazbin hotel lucifer

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baked-potatoes-rule · 22 days ago

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Shauna, the people closest to her, and the endless, painful, herculean task of loving emotionally unavailable people.

Jackie,Callie,Jeff...hell, let's even add Adam Martin, the naive artist who didn't know better.

Jackie; Your best friend, who you plan your life ahead with, assuming they are in for the ride. You sign up for a sport together, you do everything together, you're attached to her to such a degree that the moment you feel she might abandon you for someone else to be her closest friend (Taissa), you withdraw.

You do everything with her in mind. "I have Jeff so I'll tell Shauna about Randy bc I feel bad that she doesn't have someone." "Shauna gets anxious on the plane, I'll get her some Valium." "The plane is on fire, I have to get Shauna out because she's more important to me than Van", "I'll give her my last piece of meat because she's hungry", "I'll agree to Laura Lee flying the plane because Shauna's pregnant and needs medical attention".

And then, when you confront her, after giving her multiple opportunities of telling you the truth herself, she tells you she feels sorry for you and spits out so much bile that you end up questioning what is happening. You had little to no idea that she felt that way, overshadowed by you. Because Shauna never straight up communicated it.

Jeff ; What are you even doing? Emotionally inattentive to Shauna's needs and wants. I understand Shauna being traumatised further after the wilderness but I don't get Jeff's deal. Marrying her out of guilt because he cheated on Jackie with her. That's definitely a recipe for a healthy,long lasting relationship.

And that is why I believe Jeff was in love with Shauna. Sure, the Jackie bond they shared- but he very well knew he was just the "highschool" boyfriend. How out of touch was he? Plenty. They even went to therapy together and things just didn't seem to be going very well straight from the first episode. "That means you had an affair?" Surprise Jeff. Your wife's dark side includes being prone to committing infidelity. Also, she settled for a life that wasn't hers to begin with,had a second kid she didn't even want (at least at first, we see her telling Lottie when she had the goat with her), had no time or space to find herself because she went from being Jackie's extension to getting tied down with a you and a kid. A wife with no stable sense of self.

Callie; Sweet summer child, your mother is emotionally stunted and you can't even be mad at her because she went through hell and came back. It's downhill for Callie if she doesn't save herself from her mother and father.

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Emotionally unavailable friend. Emotionally unavailable partner. Emotionally unavailable parent.

What's even worse is, none of the Yellowjackets had the chance to properly heal. They had to bury everything because going to therapy/seeking help/ would mean coming clean about everything that happened in the wilderness.

Shauna and Taissa. We have something interesting here.

Shauna finds a friend in Taissa. She has her back in the wilderness. She stands by her during her finding out she's pregnant, during her fallouts with Jackie, when she tries to abort the baby, when she has to give birth.

Shauna follows Taissa to the attic because no one else will. Shauna does actually care about people. I don't believe she does good deeds with an agenda. No. Her intentions are pure. Shauna has no problem being open and vulnerable with people who can't abandon her. Yes, she's close with Tai and they form a strong friendship but it's not the same. Taissa is not Shauna's favourite person. But Jackie is. She can't handle losing Jackie but she also hates Jackie for being so glued to her, because she can't find her own self. She's drowning in Jackie.

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Shauna and Adam

Adam shows up and gives Shauna the one thing she's always longed for; to be seen. Jeff saw her at first but with everything between them and the trauma, the thrill has been long gone. Shauna didn't have feelings for Jeff. He just fulfilled her need to be seen separately from Jackie and let herself be disinhibited for once, make something hers. Have someone love her "Tell me you love me, I won't hold you to it" (Please don't throw tomatoes at me for this one. Shauna's moon has to be in Scorpio. People with their moon in Scorpio want the other person to want them intensely. They want connection beyond the physical.They are way too impulsive and emotional but keep it under wraps. They also hold a grudge big time).

Back to Adam Martin. He's younger, he likes her, he sees her, he is interested in her beyond just having fun. It's what Shauna wants. (Shauna telling Tai and Natalie : I thought he loved me.)

Anyway, she ends up killing him because she thinks he's the one blackmailing them. She's also incapable of letting people get genuinely close to her because she's afraid they will see her for what she is (unworthy,not good enough,fucked up, a freak).

Shauna either keeps people at an arm's length or they manage to get close to her and they get hurt or simply, well,die.

She's afraid to love her own daughter because she can't handle the thought of losing her like she lost Jackie and her stillborn baby. But she's also scared her daughter won't like her if she does let her close.

Shauna has small t's and big T's in her bag. Her small trauma being her being abandoned by her father and possibly not having her needs met by her mother. And of course her big Trauma comes from the wilderness(plane crash, starvation, cannibalism,losing Jackie,the baby etc).

For Shauna to find peace, she would have to go within and do the work, find her sense of self and then integrate other people in her life,while setting healthy boundaries. It is YJ however so...not holding my breath and hoping for a happy ending.

I apologise for the long, probably poorly written post. I've just been contemplating on the long term effects of C-PTSD, and how much the needs we don't get covered can affect the quality of our life.

#yellowjackets #shauna shipman #jackie taylor #jackieshauna #jeff sadecki #callie sadecki

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