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my-castles-crumbling · 6 days ago

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Anon Advice Asks - February 6

24 anon, outlet anon, spoon anon, 8 years anon (new), lawyer anon (new), guess anon

24 anon

hi cas, its 24 anon again. its been a while so i dont know if you remember lol. my friend had her baby and i still haven't met him (mostly bc ive been horrifically sick since before she even had him so im not about to give them whatever germs i have lol). i kind of feel like im at my breaking point lately. ive not cut her off entirely, but i have distracted from my friend a bit because i went into her having a baby trying to think 'this is a major thing and she's going to be down and out for a while so she obviously wont be trying to make plans' but apparently i was wrong bc im seeing posts on facebook and snapchat of her going out and doing things and having get togethers with her other friends and im just. i dont even hear about these plans let alone get invited to anything ever. i dont want to sound entitled to her time and effort but am i really her 'best friend' if she never wants to hang out or talk to me unless i initiate and plan? if she never tells me a single thing about her life and im always the last to know? if ive talked to her about this time and time again without any change whatsoever? im tired of talking to her about this because i know it wont change anything. my best friend had a baby and i wont ever actually get to know him. my heart is genuinely broken. i dont have any other friends to talk to. literally. at this point in my life i have lost every single friend ive ever had except for her but apparently ive never really had her to begin with. im so tired of being fucking lonely but i dont know ehat to do anymore. ive never been able to make or keep friends and i feel like im going fucking crazy. what is it thats so wrong with me that makes me consistently not worth peoples effort to keep around? i feel like im victimizing myself right now but i genuinely feel like i try SO HARD to maintain friendships - talking to them, trying to make plans, etc. etc. and that just never gets returned back to me. im tired of pretending im fine with that. im just fucking tired. i havent been able to talk to my therapist in months and ive only had myself for company for YEARS. i cant fo this anymore cas

Hi <3

Honestly I can relate to this SO much. I have a friend who I was very close to who had a baby a few years back and it's definitely changed our dynamic. Imo, the problem is now, we have different priorities. And that's not WRONG, it's just how it is, so it's changing how we interact.

I don't think my friend hates me and I don't think your friend hates you either. It's just one of those things where like...people get hurt but nobody means to hurt anyone. And it's very hard not to take things personally but it probably isn't as personal as it feels.

I know none of this makes you feel any better, but I just want you to know I'm going through the same thing and I understand. If you ever want to talk about it, please feel free to DM me- I'd love to have someone to talk about it with too <3

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Outlet anon

Hey Cas, outlet anon here. I need help.

So I'm staying with my mother for a few weeks while my place gets some work done, and that means I'm in the same house as Al, which is fine and whatever. I don't acknowledge him, he doesn't acknowledge me. It's a mutual understanding and has been for years. Or so I thought???? He addressed me BY NAME for the first time since I was THIRTEEN to ask me to move my laundry, and he didn't yell at me when I ignored him the first two times. We haven't even spoken since I was thirteen. He's also been talking at me and saying things for my benefit. Like last night, Al and my mother were watching robot fighting with my siblings and I went down to see what was going on because I heard them yelling. Al saw me and told my mother to rewind the TV so I could see the whole fight. I didn't express any interest in the show nor ask anyone to rewind it. He just... did it??? I don't know what's going on or what he thinks is going on. I'm going to keep right on ignoring him and pretending like he doesn't exist, but like thoughts? What should I do? What do you think is going on????? Help??????????

Honestly, it's great that Al seems to be trying to be nicer, but I'd be a bit weary. Like don't be rude to him about it or shit on him for being nice, but you don't suddenly need to be nice because he is. You're allowed to to take some time to build trust (if you even want to). The way he's treated you in the past doesn't warrant instant forgiveness (unless you want to, of course), so just go with what feels good to you and don't feel guilty for however much time you need. And if he ends up getting pissed about it...well, then he didn't really change in the first place.

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Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

well i've been looking at self diagnosis tests like yk those online quizzes you have. some say i have a lot of symptoms of autism and others say that i have low-medium autism so idk atp. according to the oxford cbt self assessment quizzes, i have medium-high anxiety and depression and low-medium autism and adhd.

and i've been thinking if i should maybe actually go to a psychiatrist and see if my suspicions are correct. but then there's the part where i need to convince my mom. there's a major school event happening until the end of february so maybe i'll ask her if we can go sometime in march? several of my friends have actually seen psychiatrists and i'll just say that i want to just check once if there's anything that i might be diagnosed with.

i'm going to go out on a limb here and ask if you think i have autism or not from what i've told you. adhd there's a pretty low chance of me actually having that i don't really show any symptoms except getting distracted easily. depression and anxiety, if i'm going to be honest, maybe. idk my country's culture has given me a skewed view of what will actually fall under a mental health problem.

Hi! I think asking your mom is a great idea. It sounds like it's really important to you to know for sure, so I think you absolutely should.

As far as what I think...I'm sorry hon but I'm not a professional and I don't know you very well. But like I said I think it sounds super important to you to know for sure, so you should def ask to get evaluated.

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8 years anon

This actually takes so much courage to type this out but I feel like this is the right place to say it and plus I don't really know where else to say it.

So sometimes my bestfriend (of 8 years) really just ticks me off in a really nasty way. Like I feel awful every single time I feel this way but sometimes he just does stuff that like I don't know if he does it intentionally or not or if I'm just overreacting but sometimes he like takes things I consider "mine" ?? If that's an okay way to put it? I feel like there's just some things that he just starts to develop stuff from me and don't get me wrong, obviously friends are gonna develop things from each other (especially of 8 years) but I feel like I've only really noticed it within the last year or so.

For example I'll mention that I like a music artist very very briefly and like the next time I see him he's totally engrossed himself into that person's music and is saying "oh _ is my favorite song from them!" When like 3 days ago he didn't even know who they were.

Or on a game that we both play theres like 60-70 characters and there's 2 people that I constantly play and he wanted to try out new people which is fine but then he chooses one of the two I play??? And buys a skin for them within like 2 minutes of playing them??

And like there's a certain way I dress and he mentioned wanted to get more into like some things I'm into like okay that's fine and then he becomes more obsessed with it than me?? I don't even know anymore my girlfriends both agree with me and understand what I'm saying cause sometimes he does the same thing to them? This feels like a lot and it feels kinda childish when I type it all out but I'm genuinely lost and you seemed like the best person I could go to.

lots of love cas ❤️❤️

Hi!

I can definitely understand how you feel, but I think this is something to talk to your friend about. I think you need to figure out why it bothers you so much and why he seems to be so drawn to everything you do. Does he just admire you? Is it coincidence? Does he have low confidence?

And I think talking to him about it is important because this type of thing can lead to resentment, you know? So saying something like "I've noticed you tend to like a lot of the same things I do, right after I mention them. Is there something you like that you can share with me, too? I feel like we only ever talk about my likes?" might help to gently call him out without causing a fight.

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lawyer anon

Hey Cas, I hope you're doing well!

I love all your microfics😭they're so well written.

Sometimes I'll be reading a random microfics that popped and I'll think "this is really good!" so I go and check the user and its usually your stuff <3

For context, I'm 2 months away from 15 and a girl.

I was talking to my dad and complaining about school and joking that when I was fifteen I am legally allowed to drop out. I do this a lot.

My dad was joking and saying I've got to stay in school so I can become a lawyer and earn lots of money.

I told him the usual stuff like I don't want to be a lawyer and why would I.

He then proceeded to straight up tell me I was ridiculous and I was really confused and I asked him why.

Apparently I was _overreacting_ to the joke he told, which I had answered non seriously.

It just seemed like he was treating me like a much younger child and it honestly seemed kinda sexist.

This is not the first time stuff like this has happened. I recently went on a trip to my mum's side of the family and it was really nice talking to them because they actually seemed interested in my life and didn't just ask me, "How is school."

I know my dad loves me and this is a minor issue and some people have it much worse but it just really bothers me.

Honestly I feel like you're at the age where some people start seeing you as a person becoming an adult while others see you as a child. And that's a hard age because you want to be treated more like an adult, and it feels frustrating when that doesn't happen. People don't see you're starting to think about more mature things and you're thinking about the real world. It sounds like your dad might still think of you as a complete child. Is he the type of person that might respond well if you say "Hey, I'd like to have a serious conversation about this. I care about this topic and I want to talk about it seriously"?

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Guess anon

Hi Cas

Guess Anon again

He keeps messaging me and asking how college is and asking if i need any more books (i told him no)

I have a careers meeting tomorrow and if i get anything good from that then i may tell him and tell him my next steps (but only if im feeling brave)

Ill keep you updated!!

Honestly that's such a good idea. Having a plan is a great way to like...deliver unwanted news in a much gentler way. Please keep me updated!!

#24 anon #outlet anon #spoon anon #8 years anon #laywer anon #guess anon #asks #ask #ask cas

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agaypanic · 2 years ago

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can you do a reese request where your his best friend but you like him and you didn't get a chance to tell him before he left the army and you're mad at him for leaving and scaring you and you confess . fluffy and kinda smutty .

Come Back, Be Here (Reese Wilkerson X Reader)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: Fate seemed so cruel to convince Reese to leave and risk his life because of a broken heart the same night you wanted to go to him with a heart full of love. But a few weeks later, fate seemed to be kinder. Because now he’s popped up on your doorstep, heart ready to be mended.

A/N: couldn’t think of a title bc i’ve already written something with kind of the same plot so i used a TS song lol

***

“What do you mean he’s gone?” You asked Malcolm on the phone. This had to have been some sick prank. “Malcolm, this isn’t funny.”

“Y/n, I’m not lying. He ran away and joined the army.”

“Why would he do that? Reese hates the government and anything that has authority over him.” The line was quiet, but you knew he was still on the phone with you. “Malcolm, did you do something?”

“Maybe.”

“What did you do?” Quiet again. “Malcolm?” He sighed, ashamed of what he was about to say.

“He caught me with his girlfriend when he went to tell her he loved her, and she broke up with him. He told me to take care of her, and we haven’t seen him since.”

“I bet you’re not even with her anymore.” You sneered into the phone. His silence confirmed it. “Oh my God, Malcolm, I think you might be the worst brother in the history of siblings!”

“How do you think I feel, Y/n?! You think I’m happy about this?!” He exploded over the phone, his outburst shutting the both of you up.

“Have you heard from him at all?” You asked, voice breaking. You refused to believe that Reese wouldn’t contact his family at all.

“He sent a letter; that’s how we found out where he went.”

“What did he say?” You asked immediately.

“He said he’s okay and that he wanted to wait until he was a success to write to us. He graduated first in his training post and got some kind of reward.” Your breathing quickened. Suddenly everything felt too real for you to handle. You told Malcolm you had to go before hanging up, a sob breaking through. You slid down against the wall, crying your eyes out.

You were absolutely devastated. Your best friend ran off to one of the worst places to run to, and you had no way to contact him or, at the very least, ensure he was okay. You felt guilty. So, so guilty.

You knew, realistically, none of this was your fault. The situation had nothing to do with you. But you felt like you could have prevented it if you were quicker.

You had no idea if it was the same night. But a few weeks ago, you had taken enough of pretending to be content with friendship. As cliche as it was, you had been silently in love with your best friend for a few years. One night, you had snuck over to his house, finally building up all the courage in the world to tell him. But he wasn’t home.

Now you know why.

You started sobbing harder. You hated this feeling. The feeling of missing Reese, who was somewhere in the world, instead of down the road where he belonged. Loving a man who couldn’t be confirmed to be alive and mourning him even though he wasn’t confirmed to be dead.

***

For the next two weeks, you were a mess. Your mom had to excuse your absences and later called you out until further notice. Extenuating circumstances, she said. It was sort of funny, in a cruel way. Extenuating circumstances meant a situation that provided an excuse for an action, but you didn’t even fully understand the situation yourself. All you knew was that Reese was gone, and Lois was determined to find him.

Some days you couldn’t even get out of bed. You would stay under the covers that protected you from the hurt and the worry and the fear. All you did was overthink, wondering where Reese was or if he’d ever be found.

Today was a better day. You took a shower and ate some food, eating in your backyard to get some of the sunlight you had been avoiding like the plague.

Because you were outside, you didn’t hear the phone ringing in the house. And because you didn’t hear it ring, you didn’t think to check the machine when you came back inside. You went back to your room, cleaning it up a bit. But that soon felt like a mistake when you picked up photos of you and Reese that you’d been looking at. You reminisced all of the memories you shared with Reese over the years.

Share. You meant ‘share,’ not ‘shared.’ Because talking about him in the past tense like that alluded to the idea that he wasn’t around to share memories with you anymore.

Setting the photos down gently on your desk, you laid back down. As you drifted off into sleep, you failed to hear the phone ringing again.

***

Hours later, you woke up to banging on the front door. You were surprised your parents weren’t answering the door, but maybe they were working late.

“I’m coming! I’m coming! Jesus.” You rolled out of bed, exhausted despite all the resting you had done. You navigated through the house to the front door, where whoever was on the other side kept knocking. “What the fuck do you want?!” You shouted, losing the very little patience you had. You yanked the door open and were about to curse out whoever was on your front step, but the words you were planning to scream got lost in your throat.

“Hey.” There he was, in the flesh. Reese stood in front of you, acting shy. You felt so overwhelmed all of a sudden.

“Hey?” You were both taken aback by the anger in your voice. But you couldn’t stop yourself. “That’s all you have to say? Hey? Do you have any idea how fucking stupid you are, Reese?! Running away and joining the army, leaving me here to worry about you and wonder if you were still even alive! I can’t believe you, Reese!” The words soon became mixed with tearful stutters. Unable to take the distance any longer, you threw yourself on him. “I can’t believe you would do such a thing.” You were much quieter than before, face smothered in Reese’s shoulder while you sobbed into him.

“I know.” His embrace on you was tight, refusing to let you go. “I know. I’m so sorry, Y/n.”

“You scared me so much. I thought you weren’t gonna come back.” You almost started crying harder at the thought, even though he was alive and well.

“Of course, I came back.” Reese cupped the back of your head. “I couldn’t leave you.”

“But you did.” It was just a whisper, but he heard it loud and clear.

“I know. But I didn’t know what to do, Beth broke my heart, and I couldn’t go home to face Malcolm again.” You lifted your head from Reese’s shoulder and immediately, his hand moved to wipe the tears from your face.

“Sure, she broke your heart. But I could’ve fixed it.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” Although it pained you, you stepped away, slipping from Reese’s hold. It seemed to have hurt him as well, based on his expression. “I was gonna see you that night. I wanted to tell you I love you, that I have for years. But you weren’t there.”

He just stared at you. You would’ve panicked, automatically assuming that you had said the wrong thing and that you had just damaged your relationship with Reese beyond repair. He wasn’t saying anything, but then again, he didn’t leave either.

That had to be a good sign, right?

“Reese-”

“Say it again.” There was a sense of urgency and dominance in his tone as he stared you down.

“What?”

“Say it again. Please.” He took a step closer. As if you could read his mind, you knew what he was talking about.

“I love you, Reese.” He pounced on you, taking your face in his hands as he pressed his lips to yours and pushed you against the wall. He kicked the door shut behind him, keeping you pinned. You came over your state of shock quickly, hands clawing at his hair and shirt. You don’t know how long you two went at it, but when you pulled apart, you were trying to catch your breath with swollen lips.

“I love you, Y/n.” You could help the grin that overcame you. Words you waited years to hear from him were finally being spoken.

“Stay.” You kissed him. “Stay, please.” You fell into a cycle of pleading and kissing him.

“I’ll stay, I’ll stay.” He silenced you with his own pattern of a promise followed by a kiss. The promise followed you two as you dragged him to your room. And the promise was kept when you woke up the next morning, covered in sheets and sweat and him, just to see that he was still there with you. And the promise was kept every day after.

#reese wilkerson x reader #reese wilkerson #malcolm in the middle x reader #malcolm in the middle #agaypanic

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dewdrops-whammy-bar · 10 months ago

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Special Ghoul my beloved...

Tagging @puppsworld bc he seemed enthusiastic about this (thanks for the yelling!!! You will never catch me I'm too slippery >:3)

Written in bullet format bc brain is going too fast to make coherent sentences let’s goooo

Warning for references to self-harm/self-mutilation, blood, and autocannibalism! This gets messy y’all

BEFORE:

Ok so Special isn’t a “true” ghoul. They’re a human who turned themself into a ghoul via an unstable and experimental ritual.

This has resulted in issues like mobility issues from excessive scar tissue. Turns out doing your own top surgery isn't such a great idea.

Which human you may ask?

Mary Goore themself! (I had to. I love them ok sue me /lh)

BACKSTORY:

Mary ended up at the Ministry when they took a rough turn in life. They had heard of the Ministry before and were already subscribed to that sect of Satanism but didn’t have any interest in joining an organized religion. They knew the Ministry would take them in so they headed to the Sweden location.

They weren’t officially a Sibling but were in the process of becoming one. (They didn’t really want to, but it was the only way the Ministry would let them stay.)

They heard about the Ghost project starting up and jumped at the chance to get involved with music again

Unfortunately the only way to get involved with that was to be a high-ranking sibling (which could take years) or a ghoul. You can see where I’m going with this.

Mary found an old book deep in the library that detailed a prototype ritual of turning oneself into a ghoul. They decided they had nothing to lose and started planning.

THE TRANSFORMATION (this is where it gets gory):

The ritual involved a lot of carving sigils into skin and a ritual disembowelment. The book strongly recommended a few people help with that but Mary said fuck it I’m doing this myself

Gave themself top surgery while they were at it (transgenderizes your metalhead twink)

They died obviously. At least their mortal vessel did

Mary crawled out of the Summoning well the next night as a ghoul and promptly ate their former body. Yummy.

They kept their skull and some bones bc that’s fuckin metal

GHOUL LIFE:

Seestor was NOT pleased when she found out what had happened

But Mary/Special couldn’t really be Banished, they weren’t from the Pit.

So she begrudgingly let Mary join the Ghost project

They ended up as a co-writer and concept musician and eventually a spokesperson

They go by either Mary or Special, but their friends mostly call them Mary. Special is more of a title to them. Don’t call them Phil unless you want your insides to become outsides.

They have sick scars all over their body from their transformation!!

They don’t have an element, but they do have a bit of magic.

They’ve got a lot of unsettling traits. They don’t blink a lot, they walk silently, and they’ve been known to cause disappearances in nearby towns. A ghoul’s gotta eat.

They’re outwardly cold and grumpy but they’re pretty chill if you get on their good side. They despise Imperator and higher-ranked Ministry members but are protective of Siblings.

They hate the friendly voice they have to put on for interviews, but it’s one of the only times they can let down their mental mask around other people and just chill. (Lots of complicated feelings there, possible hurt/comfort idea?)

They only take off their mask around people they trust.

They like to scare new residents by standing in dark corners and staring at them.

They’re close with Terzo’s ghouls, Cowbell, and a couple humans.

They trust Cowbell the most bc they’re both kinda misfits.

Ghouls only need human meat once in a while but Mary has more cravings for it than most. Ministry members are off limits though.

They were referred to as “it” for a while (mostly by Imperator and her most loyal following) so they aggressively correct anyone’s pronouns (Theirs and others’). It’s the one of the only cracks in their “cold creepy ghoul” demeanor. They’re especially protective of trans Siblings.

They’ve been known to appear from the shadows and correct a condescending cardinal on a Sibling’s pronouns.

Special ghoul my beloved… this was super self indulgent and fun to write. Feel free to use this as inspiration for art/writing!

#Sorry if this is rambly I have a lot of thoughts and raging ADHD #special ghoul #ghost special ghoul #nameless ghouls #the band ghost #mary goore #repugnant band #wham rambles

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jackfrombaskinrobbins · 2 years ago

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clint barton as your older brother headcanons :)

type of writing: headcanons / scenario

word count: 685

request: yes / no

original request: "Hi! I love your teen avenger series so far, it's amazing! Do you think you could do headcanons for being Clint Barton's younger sibling? Thanks ❤"

dynamic: clint barton x younger sibling!reader

characters: clint barton, a little barney barton as well, maybe some kate bishop, lucky the pizza dog ofc

a/n: THIS TOOK ME SO LONG IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY IM SORRY :( but tysm for it!! gotta love clint barton :D also, requests are open, so send an ask any time!

taglist: @thecloudedmind @nutellani

(fill out this form if you'd like to be on my taglist!!)

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having clint barton as a big brother really prepared you for anything

and when i say anything i mean anything

he once snuck up on you while you were at the grocery store

IT WAS SO MEAN OMG

like he literally hid behind one of those displays of chips

and then jumped out when you passed him

he was fr laughing so hard

then this old lady told him that he was rude so he got what he deserved

when it was just clint and barney, barney made clint learn sign language so that he would communicate with him

and so when you were born, barney was determined to have you learn it too

little did he know, clint had discovered bad words.

one thing led to another, and let’s just say the sign language clint taught you didn’t exactly mean what he told you it meant

barney was so mad omg but it was so funny

i feel like clint likes to invite you and barney over for dinner

not that barney comes bc that man is out doing who knows what

but he always gets pizza

like every single time he gets pizza

and he buys way too much

you once asked if he could get something else

and then once you got to his place, there was pizza on the table

smh

an important part of your relationship is that whenever you’re around, lucky ignores clint and only listens to you

and he gets super annoyed

like he’ll try EVERYTHING to get his dog back

but it doesn’t work :)

you also have a really good relationship with kate

the two of you meet for coffee every once in a while just to gossip about clint

because let’s face it, the only person who has more blackmail on that guy is barney

i think clint would be a pretty protective older brother

he definitely calls just to check in on you

except sometimes he’ll call and do voices

i feel like clint would do a lot of voices

like celebrity impressions or accents

and so you’ll answer the phone and he’ll be trying to sound like bruce springsteen or something

and it’s always a really bad impression too

but he’ll try to have you guess and then he’ll tell you what it was after

and you always go “oh ok. i definitely heard that. yep.”

and then he just hangs up.

but he always calls back don’t worry :)

clint also frequents antique shops.

but he doesn’t buy stuff for himself because he knows he’ll break it

so he swings by your place a lot with the most random stuff

sometimes it’s cool

like one time he gave you this lamp that looked like a taxi sign

but then once he gave you one of those really creepy baby dolls

from like the forties or something

and he just dropped it off by your door and ran away

and then he sent you a text like “check the front door…”

IT SCARED YOU SO BAD

you called him to yell at him but he wasn’t listening because he was laughing so hard

you have a lot of eating competitions

barney used to take the two of you out to eat when you were younger, and you would both get four ice cream sundaes

and barney would just roll his eyes because he knew what was coming

you’d try to eat them as fast as possible

it usually ended with someone getting sick or with ice cream all over their clothes

and barney would just be sitting there, eyes closed, wishing he didn’t have such weird younger siblings

but don’t worry, he secretly loved the two of you :)

i like to think you knit and crochet stuff for clint a lot

and at the time he won’t look that excited but then he’ll wear it every chance he gets

you made him this purple hat thing and he literally won’t take it off

but he has to find something wrong with it, so he says it’s not warm enough

but you know that’s a lie!!

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#clint barton #clint barton x sibling!reader #barney barton #barney barton x sibling!reader #kate bishop #kate bishop x barton!reader #marvel #mcu #marvel headcanons #mcu headcanons #avengers #avengers headcanons #hawkeye #hawkeye headcanons #hawkeye x sibling!reader #lucky the pizza dog #lucky the dog

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ycsterdays · 3 months ago

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melisa pamuk, thirty-one, she/her ⟡ — is that DILA AVCI i just saw walking around kilmer’s cove? i heard they’re a RESIDENT who’s been here for HER WHOLE LIFE. it slipped my mind, since they just tend to hang out at THE BOARDWALK. at face value, they’re said to be CARING and ORGANIZED, but i don’t know… some people have said they can be quite RECLUSIVE and RESENTFUL. just don’t get on their bad side, i guess! don’t tell them i told you this, but i’ve heard they DO NOT believe in all the ghost stories around town. who knows what the future holds for them!

STATS

full name: dila sona avci nicknames: di, didi (childhood nickname, she hates it) hometown: kilmer, ri sexuality: bisexual birthday: april 22 zodiac: taurus sun, taurus moon, pisces rising height: 5’9” marital status: single children: none traits: caring, organized, loyal, reclusive, resentful, cynical

BACKGROUND tw mentions of parental loss, mommy issues, grief, depression

dila was a very serious child, one of two born to hamza and elif avci, from a young age she was taught to be the responsible one

hamza died when dila was young in a freak accident near the docks, leaving elif to care for their young children

dila's mother was hard to please and put a lot of pressure on the kids to be successful and was pretty verbally abusive when things were not Perfect; thankfully, dila was a straight a student and was incredibly respectful, never argued with her mother despite the impossibly difficult standards she held them to and the insults that were sometimes thrown her way

she secretly dreamt of leaving kilmer and exploring the world, learning about other places, but her loyalty to her family kept her in town and she stayed out of duty

she took up writing when she was young, writing her own worlds where she could escape and be independent of her duties to family

just after graduating high school, elif got sick and dila threw herself into being her caretaker (elif practically demanded it)

she stayed up late, working on her writing, and during the day she would take her mom to appointments and ensure that her needs were met

she's published about three mystery novels and is currently working on her fourth and has gotten a small amount of local fame for her books, though she's not wildly successful by any means

elif passed about two and a half years ago, just before dila's 29th birthday

when she died, dila felt an overwhelming sense of freedom paired with a stifling feeling of grief; she felt a bit purposeless and fell into a dark place

once a big part of the community, she now prefers to stay closed inside her house, only leaving to run errands or attend her weekly support group or go to the boardwalk where she says she does her best thinking

she hasn't visited her mom's grave since she died and she has no plans to

PERSONALITY

think of the most miserable person you know... they're probably happier than dila is 90% of the time

like when she's wandering around town? mama, a ghost (dila) behind you...

despite everything, has a huge amount of empathy, cares deeply about people even if she is Not Good at showing it

like she resents her sibling (please bring them!!) a LOT, but she still loves them a lot too and gets very conflicted every time they chat because she wants a relationship with them but she also doesn't know how to deal properly with all her feelings

dealing with many confusing emotions all the time; sad bc her mom's dead but also happy too bc her mom was highkey a bitch to her? but then she feels guilty and the spiral starts all over!

hasn't had a serious relationship for about 5 years, but was engaged to judge for awhile

still living in her mom's empty, probably haunted now house which... cannot be Good for her growth and wellbeing

is stalling on finishing her fourth novel because it's her most personal work to date and she's Afraid for the world to read it, but her editor is in her email inbox three times a week begging for a draft

very deadpan sense of humor, like very much HAS a sense of humor but you got to get past the layers of Everything Else first

#kilmer.intro

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rodolfoparras · 6 months ago

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Hiii

Well I'm doing kinda good now, the doctors say it might be possible for me to go out more, and if my mental health keeps getting better at the same rate I'll be getting out soon!! And that made me think about dating again,, you know sometimes I feel so lonely, I genuinely think about becoming a call boy, but Im not attractive enough for that shit :P ehh,,,

I'm still a virgin and I had only like 2 partners(both when I presented fem) and i think thats totally fine (im very sad) Now I'm genuinely thinking about spending some of my savings on "dream daddy" its 15€ and like 🤷 might as well spend all the time that i could try hopelessly trying to find someone to date fictional gay dads

Anyways how are youu?? Anything interesting with your husband? Also heard you were sick, get well soon and drink enough warm liquids (not piss I'm sorry, I don't think it'll help a sore throat)

Cat videos

https://www.instagram.com/p/C-g6X9GRPEh/?igsh=MWcyNzk0NGhvajIxdg==

https://www.instagram.com/reel/C9wLzMOu6jl/?igsh=MWlsNWYweDlwYmxtdQ==

-😼

HELLO LITTLE LOVE IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU!!! im so glad things are starting to get better and that they’re considering giving you more time to go outside! AND HELLO!! Those are wonderful news sugar bee!!!!! Oh you genuinely don’t know how happy that makes me I’m so happy you pushed through this

DONT TALJ DOWN TO YOURERLF LITTLE PEACH I’m this close to fighting you and my siblings for speaking down on yourself !!!

Also if you wish to become a call boy then I am for it as well!!! Usually I don’t like encouraging ppl into the sw industry bc it’s not safe and you don’t know how a person will react to being it bc we’re all different but sw through phones sounds like a safe way to go about it but also if you considering doing so pls take the necessary stuffs to ensure you’re 100% safe

SUGAR BEE YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT!!! I used love watching play through of dream daddy and who wouldn’t want to play the game knowing they’ll end up with a hot DILF no matter what🧎🏻‍♂️

Also I’m good peach a wee bit sick but we’re pushing through it! My husband has been pampering me the entire time so I can’t complain too much and thank you so much sugar bee i really appreciate it and I’ll definitely need them tomorrow for my first trial day at my new work place!!

Also thank you so much for the kitties videos little angel you make sure to take care of yourself and stay safe I’m sending you plenty plenty plenty plenty hugs friend

#alec answers #😼 anon

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holybananaoafshoe · 1 year ago

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Team Dynamics 🐺

Scary Dog Privilege 1/10

Xiao, Zhongli, Benny, Kazuha

I’m not going to stop with the Tired Ice Dads, but I definitely need to start the Fontaine quests before doing more on them lmao. Buuuuuuuut, I have other main teams on my account that I shove together, and after doing the Ice Dads, I started cackling about the crack energy this group would have.

A little taste to enjoy~

Zhongli just wanted to fucking retire and flirt with Child but that’s besides the point.

He can’t help that his adopted son just does not have a single ounce of self-preservation in his body.

He morally can’t let him go off on his own too much, or else he’d get gray hairs from having to run to his rescue last minute *cough* the chasm *cough*

That and Xiao has been having a lot of issues with his karmic debt lately.

While he doesn’t like Barbatos, Rex Lapis can’t let his last adepti die like his siblings had he can’t fail him like the others, so he could swallow his pride and ask Batbatos to erase Xiao’s karmic debt.

And if he can help Xiao, that's an added bonus.

Or force him into some self care

He’s not exactly in the team yet. He just comes by to check on them every once in a while.

Much to Xiao’s distaste, his dad has been following him around--he’s a very capable adepti, thanks.

He really is, technically, he’s the strongest since Zhongli has to hold back his power now.

But, he secretly likes that Zhongli is looking out for him.

And maaayyybbeeee he enjoys listening to Zhongli talk about random things and lowkey put historians in their place.

Xiao meets Kazuha and Benny by chance tbh.

Kazuha was minding his business, honest, and wandering around the plains of Liyue because the Crux’s crew was taking a break from the sea.

He was lounging on a rock, playing a tune on a leaf, when the wind picked up and told him someone was in danger.

(listen, I don’t know how it works either. He’s just very in tune with nature ig).

So, he couldn’t just ignore the call… and he’s nosey, so sue him if he wanted to know what was up.

Low and behold, it was poor Bennett fighting off a Mantichural.

Look… it wasn’t his fault!!!

How was he supposed to know that climbing up a rock formation (it was more like a mini mountain really) to get a better idea of where he was, because of course he was lost, would end up with him tripping on a mist flower (yes a mist flower), falling off said rock formation, and land him on top of a very pissed Mantichural?!?!?!?!?

Not him!!!!

He was just trying to go on commissions for the guild!

Benny was handling it pretty okay, but the poor boy was having a rough day and was extremely grateful that Kazuha had come along to help.

Between the two, they were doing pretty solid.

Xiao heard the commotion and came over. It is his duty to make sure the citizens and travelers of Liyue were safe after all.

Both are very impressed and somewhat scared at how fast Xiao defeats the Mantichural.

He takes them to Wangshu Inn, and everyone thought they would part ways after that.

Wrooonnggg.

After hearing about Benny’s adventures, Kazuha decides to team up with him because he’s honestly worried about his safety.

Xiao winds up saving them both like five more times before joining them because he’s sick of saving them every hour.

He was headed to Liyue Harbor anyway.

The two are thankful, but his quiet demeanor and straight-to-the-point personality is off-putting.

They finally get to Liyue Harbor and part ways….

Not lmao

Xiao saves Benny from drowning in the harbor and finds a frantic Kazuha about ready to jump in the sea after the kid.

Literally, Xiao was just passing by after meeting with Madam Ping when he saw them.

Soon after that, he winds up saving Benny from choking on food during the diner. Benny and Kazuha invited him to thank him.

He really tried to tell them it wasn’t necessary, but Benny’s dads taught him well, and he’s going to properly thank Xiao.

Fuck, guess Xiao has to look after them now bc this dumbass is going to keep him awake at night.

So he joins Benny’s team :)

#Xiao #Bennett #Zhongli #Kazuha #genshin impact #Team Dynamics #scary dog privilege #they get that name bc i built Xiao like a tank #Zhongli is mainly a sheilder #benny a work in progress lmao #kazuha is also built like a tank #kazuha single handedly carried me all the way to inazuma #got him on the first run bbyy #i take them to boss fights or domains that i want to finish quickly #no ships here they’re all buddies #buddies brought together by wild circumstances #Liyue #genshin impact headcanons

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arreish · 5 months ago

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As much as I loved my OB, if I ever have another kid I will be getting a midwife. And I will be thinking way harder about not doing an epidural bc of how my back is still messed up. Everyone is sharing their stories so I'll share mine too:

I got pregnant relatively easily once my husband and I started trying. I was overjoyed but also terrified because of my mother's history (two miscarriages, an emergency c-section with my older brother, pre-eclampsia, and high risk pregnancies with myself and my two younger siblings). My aunt had 7 children and her own complications (the last two were twins, she was on bed rest for months, and she is now a doula!)

I had really bad morning sickness, though not as bad as some (I was never hospitalized), and the sheer exhaustion of the first trimester bowled me over. I was WHOLLY unprepared for that and that is one of the most minor things that can happen in pregnancy.

I also had gestational diabetes. I had to take medication for it (metformin and later insulin), and I had to limit my diet a ton. I was basically surviving on meat and vegetables, and I craving fruit constantly. I was constantly hungry and I couldn't do anything about it because I couldn't risk my sugar getting out of hand because it was that bad. Keep in mind, I have no personal history of diabetes or pre-diabetes.

It was also bc of the gestational diabetes that I had to be induced. I didn't get a choice on that, and I still don't know if I should have fought on that point. So I was induced 1 week early. Induction started at 3am and I did not birth my son until 9:38pm. That's 18 hours of labor. Because the pitocin was negatively affecting my labor progression (his heart rate would slow with every contraction, I had both external and internal heart monitors for him). And I was miserable the whole time. I wasn't allowed to move during my whole labor. Even rolling to my other side had to be done with permission and nurses helping me adjust. It wasn't until the evening that I was allowed to sit, they turned off the pitocin and had me in stirrups and sat way up (which helped me actually labor down and that's when things progressed, and very quickly).

And my epidural. I would have given anything for pain relief at that moment and I'm glad I asked when I did because I had to wait another hour (and another full bag of fluids) to receive the epidural. The anesthesiologist who placed my epidural was kind, talked me through everything, and the nurse i had to lean on during the procedure was my favorite of the whole time in the hospital. He placed my epidural, it sucked. Then he says "you know what.. I'm going to move it down one." And I had to go through the process of being stabbed between my vertebrae AGAIN. I don't know how "normal" my experience was but I'd never heard of an epidural being moved because it's in the spine and can be somewhat dangerous. I lost the ability to cough while I had the epidural (stomach muscles were dead numb) and the nurses were concerned my lungs would be affected because of how high it was reaching. And to this day, 18 months after I gave birth, my spine is still tender to the touch (and sorry to hubby, but I can't arch anymore without excruciating pain), my sciatic pain ebbs and flows worse than before pregnancy, and I'm just now feeling like my hormones are reaching "normal" levels.

I love my kid and I wouldn't have opted not to have him (for me personally) because of my poor experiences. However, I will absolutely be so much more prepared if I have another kid. Especially for postpartum.. my god that was genuinely scary for my personal experience. I look back and I'm so glad I found my way out of that. Looking back makes me want to cry bc of how far gone I was.

the thing is like. i get that it's scary and makes people who do desire to get pregnant uncomfortable when we talk about the brutality and violence of pregnancy and the damage that pregnancy can do to your body

but you deserve to give informed consent to that process.

the lies around pregnancy - that it's inherently safe, that it doesn't do you permanent damage, that it's only extremely rare for people to die of pregnancy complications, etc like

all of these are lies constructed so that more people will get pregnant w/o knowing all that

there needs to be more talk about the impact of miscarriages and how common they are, how different abortion processes are and how accessible they are

but also like. talking about how pregnancy fucks your body up should not be taboo

this is a process that permanently changes most people's bodies, and that's even if the pregnancy doesn't do them like. severe illness or injury

and i just think everybody should have a right to KNOW that

bc to live in a society that intentionally obscures and hides facts about a completely optional and dangerous process does so for a reason, and that reason is based in a very sinister ideology that does not value bodily autonomy or informed consent

#childbirth #pregnancy #womens reproductive health #we just have to grin and bear it #so often #and its not healthy or safe #i “grinned and beared” postpartum #and i almost died #because of being sick and because of depression #losing my ability to regulate myself like that..#it was frightening

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traumxrei-archive · 3 years ago

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Hi! I hope my ask isn’t too specific but I was wondering if you could do headcanons of how the vice dormheads would take care of the reader who has severe stomach issues that make her chronically in pain and nauseous? Once again if it’s too specific I don’t mind it being denied

【 in sickness and in health 】

author's note: hello ! this isn't too specific at all. instead of reader who has chronic pain i wrote it as an reader who's having a really bad stomach ache. (mostly bc i don't know how chronic pain feels, so i thought it wouldn't be accurate if i wrote it) i hope the change is okay, and that you enjoy !

characters: trey clover, ruggie bucchi, jade leech, jamil viper, rook hunt, lilia vanrouge (vice housewardens !!)

female! s/o, headcanon, request <3

The day was like any other at NRC. Or it was, until a stubborn stomach ache hit her. It was so persistent that she couldn't focus in class, even worrying her friends. She knew it was serious when she were sent to the infirmary to rest. When asked for her emergency contact, she mumbled out her boyfriend's name. She just hoped that he could make it.

Trey Clover

trey was probably notified while he was doing some of his vice housewarden duties. maybe he was making patrols in the rose maze when his phone buzzed, a message from the nurse alerting him that his girlfriend was at the infirmary.

fearing the worst, he quickly contacted riddle to be excused. (the red-haired knew how much she meant to him so he agreed immediately.)

trey made sure to pack a small bag of random things since he didn't know why she was there. one of his warm jackets, some cold packs, and even some of the cookies he baked yesterday.

once he got to the infirmary, he made sure to check in with the nurse before finally seeing her.

it broke his heart seeing her curled up in a ball on the bed, hidden under the blankets as he walked over.

there's a sniff before her familiar voice spoke, "...trey...?"

he sat down on the bed, setting the bag down, "i'm here. i heard from the nurse, are you feeling okay?"

instantly there were arms wrapping around his midsection, a face pressed against his side, "it hurts trey, i...i don't know what's happening but it hurts."

trey gently ran a hand through her locks, his inner comforting mode turning on has he consoled them, "it's okay, don't cry. hey, i got you something."

he gently bent down, grabbing the tiny bag to pull out the jacket. she sighed happily at the sight of it, which had trey's ears flushing with heat as she put it on.

"one more thing," he pulled out the bag of cookies. "for when you get better."

"but trey," she looked at him with such puppy eyes, great seven this was unfair. "can i please have one? i promise i'll go to sleep right after." and trey, being a weak, weak man towards those kinds of behaviors (much to her delight), relented by giving her just one bite.

the verdict? trey's very attentive. he's an older sibling so he's definitely taken care of someone who's sick before. whenever your stomach is hurting too much, trey brews you some tea to drink; chamomile's soothing scent wraps around you. his jacket definitely helps you to stay warm while you're there. he stays as long as he can, and if your stomach starts to feel better in the time he's there, great! he'll treat you to tea at the heartslabyul dorms. but if not, he doesn't mind texting you throughout the evening to see how you are.

Ruggie Bucchi

(even though he's technically not a vice housewarden, he's a vice housewarden in my heart, okay-)

ruggie's probably out doing some errands for some lazy lion when he gets a phone call that his angel is in the infirmary. his mind fills with bad scenarios so he quickly rushed over, sliding into the infirmary at record-breaking speeds.

he saw her familiar mop of head resting on a pillow and his heart warmed when he saw her. he doesn't want her feeling bad for worrying him, so he keeps smiling.

"hey, hey, what's gotcha holed up in here?" he approached unhurried, trying not to show how frantic he was.

her eyes snap open and there's a weak smile on her face, "real bad stomach ache. i thought you had some extra errands to run today."

it was her way of asking if it was okay for him to be there, which ruggie thought was adorable. of course he would be there for her.

"and leave my angel alone and unattended?" ruggie slipped under the blankets. "shishishi~ i'm not that mean."

it's natural how they fit together, his arm looping loosely around her waist, her head tucked under his chin, "my bibi always said that cuddles are the universal cure, so i'll stay here with you. besides, i can just get you to help me with my chores when you're feeling better~"

and when she giggled a little before snuggling closer? ruggie knew he made the right choice to abandon his errands. (and it's not like leona would know that his laundry was late by a little bit)

the verdict? ruggie's such a star at taking care of people. he's great at making sure you feel comfortable and safe! when your stomach's hurting too much he'll make sure to call over the nurse to help you out. and belly rubs? hell yeah, belly rubs. he gives expert belly rubs with just the right pressure to soothe the pain. and while you're sleeping maybe he'll buy some snacks for you when you wake up. (the biggest act of love for ruggie is to give food, so-) oh yeah, when you're feeling better he's definitely dragging you over to savanaclaw to help with leona's laundry, claiming that he's "tired after taking care of my angel so attentively." in reality he just wants to spend more time with you, but you love him for it anyway.

Jade Leech

jade was more surprised than anything that he got the call from the infirmary. he immediately barrages the nurse with questions; more than they could've answered. he couldn't help it. he really was worried for his darling.

he got permission for azul to have a day off from the lounge, before striding over to the infirmary.

the people in the halls make way for him, because jade has such a dark expression on his face that people were sure he was heading somewhere for a beating.

it surprised him when his darling bashfully explained, "it's just really bad stomach aches, all through the day. sorry for calling you over, jade."

his blank look was quickly replaced with that placid smile of his, "don't worry, dear. i have a lot of experience taking care of sick people because of floyd." he remembered all the times floyd would get sick. his darling is an angel compared to his trouble twin, so he's sure he could take care of her.

"though, hmm, this would be the first time i'm taking care of someone sick on land," his hand caressed her cheek lightly.

"y-you don't have to if you're busy," she mumbled, leaning into his touch. "i know your dedication to mostro lounge and all." and ah, how adorable she was, jade thought to himself. how lucky he was to have such a caring girlfriend.

"my, i am not the type of person who would leave the side of the one i love when they need me," he pressed a kiss to her knuckles. "now let me take care of you. if i remember, i think i have some mushrooms that are just perfect for a soup..."

the verdict? pretty good at taking care of you when you're sick. (courtesy to the book he checked out "a guide to sick humans for dummies") he makes a soup out of some of his prized mushrooms, which was surprisingly good and helped with the pain you were feeling. smiles intimidatingly at the nurse every time they give you a check-up. and don't get me started on his timers for you to drink water. he read in a book somewhere that you need to drink lots of water when you're feeling sick, so. every thirty minutes his alarm would chime and he would grin at you menacingly until you drink water. (just take a small sip n get it over with pls-) when you're done being sick he'll take you over to mostro lounge. he's still worried you'll get sick again, so he wants you somewhere he can see you. very sweet of the eel.

Jamil Viper

when jamil hears that his beloved in the infirmary, he half wanted to throw away kalim's laundry and run over to where she was. but he couldn't. it was his duty as a retainer to take care of kalim.

instead, he took his phone, calling her number. there's a quiet "hello?" and jamil felt relief flooding his chest at her voice.

"hi," he said awkwardly, smacking himself internally at the slight blunder. it's not usual of him to not know what to say.

there's a puff of breath over the line, "jamil. what's wrong?"

"i heard you were sent to the infirmary?" jamil set the phone to speaker mode so he could work as he talked.

"oh. yeah, it was a bad stomachache," there's a slight embarrassment to her tone. "sorry...i think i said your name when the nurse asked me who to call."

"don't apologize," jamil's hands twitched with the need to pat her head, but she wasn't even here. "it's okay to lean on me when you're having a hard time."

"i know, but," a pause. "you have enough on your plate as is. i don't want you worrying over me too." her consideration warmed him, but he wished to the seven that he could be by her side.

and maybe someone was listening because kalim burst through the door, "wahh!! i can't take it anymore! stop doing the laundry, go visit your girlfriend already!!" jamil blinked at his charge. how long had he been listening...?

"is that kalim? don't worry, i'll be okay without jamil. i just needed some rest," she laughed a little, and jamil bit his lip at her words.

"stop folding stuff," kalim tugged his own shirt from jamil's grasp. "go already! i am giving you the executive order to make sure she's alright or else... or else i'll throw you a huge fancy feast for your birthday! complete with camels and a parade!" jamil groaned internally at the thought of an extravagant birthday and at the triumphant smile on kalim's face. he was caught.

he was pushed out of the scarabia mirror a few seconds later and told not to come back until later.

"so..." jamil startled slightly. he forgot that she was still on the line.

he coughed, "i'll be there soon. but first, what kind of soup do you like?"

the verdict? this man is a professional at taking care of others, courtesy of being kalim's retainer/bodyguard/butler/cook for all those years. he makes you your favorite soup with a ton of vegetables in it, and you guys eat together at the infirmary. his food is amazing, as always. he gets you a hot pack for your stomach, patting your head when you tell him it hurts. because he's someone who's not to fond of pda, it's surprising when he sits beside you on the bed and lends you his shoulder to doze on with a slight redness to his cheeks. when you're feeling better he has to take you with him to scarabia bc kalim kept pestering him to take care of you instead of doing his chores. you find them arguing over your health very entertaining.

Rook Hunt

with someone as eccentric as rook, you never know how he'd react to such news. safe to say rook's mind bounced around several places when he heard that his girlfriend had been sent to the infirmary. did she get into an accident? was it from magift or alchemy? did someone harm her? his petite mignonne? non, non, non! this wouldn't do! he had to see her right away!

being as well versed with the campus as he is, he made his way quickly and silently to the infirmary. he spotted her lying on a bed by the window. he pushed it open.

the noise must've startled her because she immediately swung her pillow towards him, hitting him in the chest.

"ma chère, how lively you are for someone that is bedridden!" rook laughed at the shocked look on her face. "i find that fighting spirit of yours très inspirant!"

"r-rook, what are you-" he pressed a kiss to her forehead. "why'd you have to come through the window? that surprised me."

"ah, i merely took the fastest route here. that is, through the window," rook sat down by your side. "is there anything you desire, ma chère? i shall get it for you."

"mmm, my stomach's still hurting but," she glanced up at him. "just...stay? if you can, that is. if you're busy that's o-"

rook couldn't contain the feelings in his chest, reaching forward to wrap his arms around her, "mon amour! your beauty stuns me yet again! très bien, this dutiful rook hunt will stay for as long as you need. i am a good boyfriend, non?"

she squealed a bit as they go tumbling onto the bed, "you're the best rook! you know just how to cheer me up."

and ah. this was why he loved his dear so much. even in sickness she was shining in her own way, pulling him into the bed so they could cuddle. and that smile on her face est vraiment très beau!

the verdict? not necessarily experienced with taking care of others (he's a hunter, after all) but !! his enthusiasm more than makes up for it. he makes you laugh so much that you aren't sure if the pain is from the stomach ache or from his jokes. oh also surprisingly good at singing so he sings a bit to help get you to sleep. he's got a softer and quieter side, which comes out when you're asleep. he strokes your hair and doesn't mind you using him as a pillow. you apologize but he claims he "only wanted the best for ma chère!" when you're feeling all better, he sweeps you away to pomefiore- he's going to pamper you ! to make sure you won't get sick again ! what a great boyfriend he is, non?

Lilia Vanrouge

this old man is no stranger to getting calls from the nurse. his boys happen to get into accidents every once in a while, especially the spunky one who's voice could probably shatter a crystal cup with sheer volume.

so he's quite shocked to hear his lovely human's name fall from the nurse's lips. so surprised, in fact, that he almost dropped his phone. (silver stared at him questioningly but lilia didn't look angry so he just went back to sleep)

he used his magic to get over to the infirmary quicker, soaring up in the sky with little effort. who needed brooms when lilia had his trusty bats?

he chose to enter through the front doorway, as not to startle the nurses who were working. he was sure he looked a mess as he made his way to their bed.

he smiled and waved at her as she did a double-take, "l-lilia? woah, what happened to your hair?"

he let her fuss around with his hair, flattening any weird bumps and running her hands through it. no matter how he spun it, she was so very brave to be able to touch his hair so casually.

"ah, i was in a hurry to get here when i heard that some troublesome human got herself stuck at the infirmary," lila chuckled, relieved that she looked to be free from any injuries.

her eyes widened, "oh, i did say your name... sorry about that, it's just a really bad stomach ache."

"it is no trouble at all," lilia patted her head. "now, get better soon. it's no fun pranking people without you scolding me, hehe~"

she huffed, "you didn't terrorize anyone along the way, right?" cute of her to be thinking about other humans when he was right there.

"who do you think i am?" lilia chuckled as closed the curtains with his magic. "i didn't. i was too worried about my dear human."

"now get some rest, i'll watch over you," he placed a hand on his chin. "now how does that lullaby go again..?"

the verdict? he's...not completely horrible at taking care of people sjdfksj mostly because he raised silver. if it weren't for his experience with silver, he might've tried treating you the fae way, which is...definitely not pleasant for a human. oh great seven, you pale when he says he'll go cook you. you grab his hand and insist that his company was enough to help you. (lilia's food would just make your stomach ache worse. sorry lilia.) when you complain that your stomach hurts, he presses his hands against it and does...something. it's magic for sure, but you aren't sure what it is. he chuckled and tells you not to worry about it. once you're feeling better, he's taking you out flying !! it's been a while since he's felt the rush of flying, and who better to share that experience with him than his sweet human?

want a request ? check out the request menu for details ! wanna read more ? check the masterlist for more works!

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kiatheinsomniac · 3 years ago

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For assassin creed, as I need more Desmond Miles in my life and wondering in a hc what it would be to be his twins sister who too ranaway with him from home to start a different life together as normal

But, instead of him being kidnapped and being sent to the simulator it was her because angst and sibling comfort

Notes: This is such an interesting request! I hope that this doesn't come across as a crackfic but honestly I know that siblings would just tease each other even more in a situation like this bc it's familiar and comforting and I didn't want to write that "Hey bro/sis!" relationship that only children manage to slip into. It feels off and unrealistic lol.

Pairing: Twin! Desmond, Twin! Reader

Word count: 0.8k

The Miles twins

Before the assassins had found him, Desmond hadn’t thought too much of when Abstergo’s agents had gone from harassing and stalking him to leaving him alone for seemingly no reason at all. Now he knew.

They had stopped pursuing him because they had caught you instead.

He has assumed that you had left the country: the two of you had run away together but you weren’t satisfied with the simple life that Desmond led, you wanted to get far away and start afresh in an entirely new country. You had always dreamed of leaving The States and settling down in some rural place in southern France so he found himself stumbling up to the rooftop for air when Shaun informed him that they’d been tipped off about Abstergo having his twin sister. He should have warned you, should have crossed all of The States and France if he had to in order to make sure you had means to protect yourself.

Of course they would go after you! Abstergo had wanted him for his DNA and you were the next closest thing that could still give them exactly what they needed! His chest felt tight and he sat down on the concrete of the roof. The city was alive beneath him, playing its multicolor lightshow and its urban symphony. He could barely see it through his tears, streaks of light, could barely hear it over his hammering heart, a detonator. He dropped his head between his knees as he thought back to the shifts you had shared at the bar, the banter, the way you would throw a pillow at him in your tiny shared apartment if he didn’t wake with his alarm, how you wore odd socks more often than not. What were they doing to you in there? Were they hurting you?

“Hey, come on now.” Rebecca’s voice beside him, a hand resting firmly on Desmond’s shoulder, grounding him, “We’ll start planning a rescue right away, if she’s your family then she belongs here with us. We’ll contact Lucy as soon as we’re able to and we’ll get her out of there. Desmond nodded his head, swallowing hard as he thought over moments with you that had seemed so mundane at the time. Now, with the danger that you were currently in, they were beyond precious. “When you’re ready, come back to the animus. We can help her a hell of a lot more if we have a PoE.” Desmond nodded his head without raising his eyes from the floor. He was worried sick and knew he would need a while before he felt ready to go into the animus.

He took a deep breath as he heard the door to the roof shut. Rebecca was right: there was a lot more he could do to help you with a Piece of Eden in his possession.

“Alright, Ezio, let’s see what you’ve got to show me…”

<><><><><><><><><><><>

In the end, Lucy had managed to snatch you from Abstergo’s HQ before the assassins could discover when and where Ezio had encountered a piece of Eden in his life, Desmond finding himself wandering the streets and canals of Renaissance Venice in his ancestor’s memories.

The assassins had assumed that you had been doing the same thing but came to find that you had been following the memories of Syrian assassin Altaïr Ibn-La’Ahad, tracking down a piece of eden that he ran into during the third crusade. When Lucy walked you into the apartment above the warehouse that the assassins had set up their temporary base in, Desmond froze utterly when he saw the face that was so familiar to him: the one that almost looked like the one who stared back at him in the mirror but not quite.

You ran to him before he could react, slamming into his chest and almost knocking him over as you tackled him into a hug. It took him a moment to react before his tattooed arms were locking around you, crushing you to his chest.

“You’re alive.” He whispered.

“I had to stay alive.” You murmured out and he cringed at the hoarseness of your voice, the feeling of some of your bones pressing to him in poor health, “Who else is gonna make sure you wake up on time?” He laughed slightly at that and felt how you held him tighter.

“You should rest.” He murmured, “Then we can talk about what happens next.”

“I’m staying with you. I need to finish Altaïr’s memories and I’m not letting those bastards win after that they put me through.”

“Welcome to the Brotherhood. First mission: sleep then get something to eat. For 100% synchronisation, make it a hot meal.” You pulled away from the hug with a smile tugging at your lips, eyeing up the bed at the back of the room.

“Yeah, yeah, inferior Miles, I got it.”

“Inferior Miles?” Shaun highlighted.

“Duh. I’m the better one. That’s why Abstergo wanted me.” You had a content smile on your face as you snuggled down into the covers, feeling that such a soft bed was a blessing after the excuses for mattresses that Abstergo provided their subjects with. “No comments, inferior Miles?” You jabbed.

“No. You get to be the superior Miles for the next few hours. Don’t abuse your privileges.”

“Court jester dance. Now.”

“No.”

“Fair enough.” You closed your eyes and the feeling of safety, a warm bed and your brother being near was comfort enough to instantly lull you to sleep.

#desmond miles x reader #desmond miles #twin! desmond miles #familial x reader

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haitaniapologist · 3 years ago

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A RAINY NIGHT !

or when you managed to make akashi takeomi speechless three times.

pairings — akashi takeomi x female!reader.

genre — fluff.

warnings — an unhealthy obsession with using dashes instead of commas, sentences with strange structures and grammatical errors because english isn't my first language, mentions of gang life, overprotective mother, talks of period, mentions of blood, forming a family, death of a character, general akashi and sano family trauma, mentions of cigarrates and smoking.

word counting — 3k.

song — style, taylor swfit.

notes — tagging @softbajis my fellow omi simp <3 i hope i can make your day better with this, hal my dear !! also this is really self-indulgent because i love this man and this family too much. this is supposed to be a modern au but the black dragons and toman still exists and haru (who is probably a toman founder bc i guess i fucked up the ages a bit lol) have his scars, so i don't know anymore. regarding the ages, senju is 12, haru is 13, omi is 23 and you are between 21-23 too. enjoy !! reblogs, likes and comments are very appreacited <3

shinichiro was right for once in his life: takeomi was for sure the rain bringer.

you didn't care, actually. it was better to say to your parents that you were dating the rain bringer than the god of war, but you were sure they knew your boyfriend's past as the vice president of the black dragons. it wasn't easy to deduce that takeomi used to do dangerous things as a teenager — the scar on the right side of his face told everything your overprotective mother needed to know. and, well, shinichiro’s grandfather probably told her all she needed to know about akashi takeomi too.

but he managed to earn the trust of your parents, and you never understood how. maybe it was the fact that, despite being a gang member growing up, he still took care of his younger siblings as if he was their father or that his favourite brand of cigarettes was the same your uncle used to smoke. you never had enough courage to ask your mom if she stopped complaining about everything your boyfriend did because he reminded her of her own brother, who died a few years before you met takeomi through your mutual friend, sano shinichiro. it was still a painful memory for your mother but, if that meant that she wouldn't complain about you going to the akashis's home — even though you were a grown adult and didn’t need to ask permission to go where you wanted — you were okay with letting things as they were.

but dating the rain bringer wasn't easy, and you were sure you had earned a place in heaven by doing so.

you couldn't plan an outside date without checking the weather at least three times, and even if you did it, you would always come back home drenched in water and with your cute outfit and makeup ruined.

takeomi would always apologize with that charming smile of his adorning his face, promising to make up for you somehow. and he always did, in ways that would leave anyone who heard with red cheeks. in the first months of your relationship you would always be upset by the ruined dates — you wanted to experience everything of the romance books you read as a teenager, being it cute picnics in a field of flowers, or a beach day in a private beach — but now, you were used to just stay at his home or going to a restaurant.

and that's how you found yourself, draped in your boyfriend's strong arms, the smell of tobacco still prominent in his clothes from the cigarette he smoked not long ago, trying to concentrate in the movie in front of you.

you actually tried to plan a cute date, after hearing some ideas from emma, shinichiro's younger sister, but takeomi said it was better if you two stayed at home. senju wasn't feeling well, and he couldn't help but worry about his little sister. she wasn't a kid that got sick too often, so when she told him she was feeling something strange in her tummy, he knew he needed to stay at her side. takeomi wasn't an expert when it came to diseases and needed to call shinichiro for help — god needed to have mercy on him if he called his grandmother — because he didn't know what he should give to her to alleviate what she was feeling. he would be of better help if senju was beaten up, but he would die before he allowed that to happen.

but you didn't care to stay with him at their home. you knew he tried to take care of his younger siblings the best he could, and you always tried to help him. you grew too fond of takeomi's siblings, and treated them as your own too. to trying to take haruchiyo off his shell and helping senju with homework, you tried to ease the responsibilities that were entrusted to your boyfriend since his mother died.

you couldn't even imagine what those three went through. you had your own family problems too, but your parents were always at your side, giving you the opportunity to live every phase of your life without the burden of needing to care for other people. takeomi, on the other hand, needed to grow up and mature too fast to take care of haruchiyo and senju, as their father was more worried to make money than giving love and affection to his three kids.

it was a similar situation with the sanos, and you could understand how your boyfriend and shinichiro bonded up.

“what are you thinking about, pretty girl?” your thoughts were interrupted by the hoarse voice of takeomi, who was looking down at you with an amused face.

“how could you tell i was thinking about something?” you inquired curiously, as you thought he was more invested in the film than you were. it had been his choice, after all.

you felt takeomi's chest vibrate as he chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to your hair. “you always bite your lip when you are in deep thought, babe.”

you hummed, nuzzling your face on his chest, your arms around his middle — the film long forgotten.

“so, are you going to share what's on your pretty mind with me?” your boyfriend pressed, leaning into you.

“just thinking about you.” you answered, inhaling his scent. you found it amazing how he managed to smell like home. maybe it was the mixture between tobacco and his cologne, but it always made you feel safe and relaxed, but at the same time, as if you could conquer the world only because you had him at your side. “about how amazing you are, omi, and you don't even realize this.”

with wide eyes and mouth slightly agape, takeomi found himself speechless with your words. he was expecting you to think about anything that could worry you — your finals coming up, the essay you needed to write for your international geopolitics class, if your best friend actually texted her ex like she told you she would — but not about him.

it made him feel a warm and fuzzy feeling he couldn't pinpoint what it was.

“i'm not… amazing. i have a lot of flaws, you know.” he murmured, quite sheepish, thinking about his biggest regret: how he managed to taint his relationship with his younger brother by doing to him what he always criticized his father and grandma did to himself.

“everyone has flaws, omi. but you sacrificed a lot of moments of your youth to take care of your siblings, and i don't think everyone would be willing to do that.” you tried to reason with him, changing your position and straddling his lap, trying to have a better look at his face. "and at sixteen, you were co-ruling the kanto region with your friends! do you know what i was doing at the time you were doing that?" receiving a non-verbal negative answer from him, you continue. “i was worried if i was going to be able to marry squall leonhart from final fantasy eight!”

that earned another chuckle from your boyfriend. “oh, so you’re saying to me that you always had a crush on men with facial scars? does that mean that i’m just your type?” he teased you, his hands squeezing your hips.

“don’t change the subject, omi!” you snapped back, feigning irritation. you couldn’t deny his scar actually reminded you of your fictional teenager crush, but that was something you would take you to the grave. “you are amazing, baby. and i mean it with every fibre of my heart.” you cupped his face, your left thumb caressing the part of his scar near his lips.

takeomi only noticed he was blushing because of the contrast of your hands — which were too cold — and his warm face.

what he would do without you? you were an angel in disguise, and he was sure of it. not because you managed to help him have a better relationship with his younger siblings or coming into terms that he wasn’t responsible for his mom’s death, or his father’s money addiction, or because you made him to think about his health and himself before working himself to death to give his siblings what he didn’t had at their age — but because you made him feel loved and special, and not just someone else inside a train. you made him see the wonders' life had to offer, to see that haruchiyo and senju were happy with what they had, and they weren’t growing up to be as pathetic as he felt himself to be sometimes. you made him realize that it is okay to ask for help, or to cry, or to just scream angrily at all the adults who were supposed to protect and love him, instead of giving two toddlers for a kid to take care of.

you looked curiously at your boyfriend, afraid that you might have something that could have possibly triggered him. but the emotions dancing in his eyes were enough to tell you that he needed to hear the words that left your lips.

“y/n.” takeomi called you with such love and tenderness in his voice that made your insides melt, and your cheeks burn, your heart beating loudly inside your chest. you leaned in before he could tease you, as he always liked before your kisses, pressing a kiss — that you hoped could pour all the feelings you couldn’t describe in words you felt for him — to his lips.

however, before he could deepen the kiss, you two were interrupted by a scream, that scared the both of you.

“senju?” takeomi called his sister desperately while you get out of his lap, helping him to his feet so you two could see what happened to the youngest akashi, who was supposed to be asleep because of the stomach medicine takeomi gave her after dinner.

even haruchiyo poked his head out of his room, the two diamond-shaped scars on his lips down in a frown.

entering the younger girl’s room, and seeing the small blood stain on her sheets, you didn’t need to think twice to know what happened. “take-nii, y/n-nee.” she whimpered, small tears pooling the corner of her green eyes. “i think my butt is hurt!” she admitted embarrassed, throwing a pillow at haruchiyo.

“it isn’t your butt, ‘ju.” you took the lead of the situation, giving your boyfriend — who was almost freaking out by the sight of blood in his sister’s bed — a reassuring smile, opening your arms for senju to nuzzle in them.

“if it isn’t my butt, what is it?” she asked, her voice muffled by your shirt. “my belly is hurting, y/n-nee.” you patted her head affectionately, a few strands of her light hair between your fingers. you never expected to pass through this moment before having kids, but that was one of the perks of dating a guy who is ten years older than his siblings.

takeomi was looking at his two favourite girls with nothing but affection reflecting in his eyes.

“you got your first period, senju.” you explained, putting your hands on her shoulders, so you could look at her face.

“her first what?” before you could explain any further, you were interrupted by haru’s voice, looking confused at the two of you. takeomi chuckled, passing an arm over his brother shoulders and walking away from senju’s room to give you two privacy.

“we should go to the convenience store to buy some things, haru. we’ll stop having peace in our home now.”

you rolled your eyes at takeomi’s words, taking senju with you to the bathroom. you told her to wait for you there, and you went to pick the spare pads you took anywhere with you. even thought you took the pills and tracked your period with an app, you had some embarrassing stories about menstruating in school, and you hoped senju could learn with your mistakes. you found her where you left her, and, taking a deep breath, you tried to mimic what your mother told you when you first got your period.

senju listened to what you had to say as if she was learning a new subject at school as you explained how menstruation worked and how to use pads — as well as some tips and how she would crave chocolate —, and you made sure that she understood that women weren’t weaker than men just because they bled every month — instead, it made them even more powerful. the admiration towards you in her eyes almost made you cry, and you finished your chat with a bear hug and kisses all over her face, and went to prepared a bath for her.

you were in the kitchen when the boys arrived after putting the stained sheets to wash, and you smiled fondly at how they were able to maintain a civil conversation. you were proud of both them — takeomi and sanzu had still a long path to walk, but you knew how the older akashi was proud of the youngest, even if he was worried about haru being in a gang, just like he was when he was about the same age. takeomi greeted you with a kiss, which earned a sneer from haruchiyo, who went to his room after wishing a good night for you. you smiled and melted in your boyfriend’s arms again.

“senju grew up too fast. i wish mom was here to see how big her baby is.” he commented wistfully while you two put the groceries in the shelves. it wasn’t long ago that senju was still a little girl who needed his help to tie her hair in a bun, only for him to notice that she wanted to match his own hairstyle.

you hummed, agreeing with him. “if you’re feeling like that with your sister, i can’t even imagine how emotional you’ll be when we have children.” you teased, elbowing his abdomen playfully. the thought of forming a family with him had crossed your mind more times than you would’ve courage to admit, but you didn’t know what he would think about that. he already needed to take the father role to his siblings, and maybe he wouldn’t want to have children — since he felt like he failed haruchiyo.

you expected him to reply something, but for the second time that night, takeomi was speechless by something you said.

“you wanted to have kids? with—” he asked, pointing at himself. “—me?”

“well, yes?” you answered sheepishly, rubbing the back of your neck and looking at the box of pads in your hands. “i know we never talked about marriage and having children together, but if there is someone that i want to experience these things with, it’s you, takeomi.”

you two never talked about that, but takeomi for sure had thought about it. the thought of not having you in his life scared him a lot — he would be nothing without your presence — and he knew the next steps of your relationship were those two. he embraced you from behind, his hands resting in your belly, rubbing circles on it, while nuzzling his face in the junction between your neck and shoulder, pressing a kiss there. “you are the only one i want to experience such things with too, y/n.”

you let a breath you didn’t know you were holding, smiling. before you could say anything, senju ran down the stairs, looking at you and her brother suspiciously. “i want the cramps medicine you told me about, y/n-nee.”

you nodded, watching takeomi embrace his sister as if she was fine china, while looking for the advil you told your boyfriend to buy.

“you belly is still hurting, senju?”

“yes! but not like when the blood came out of me.” she answered, thanking you for giving her the small pill. “good night, take-nii.” she kissed her brother’s cheek, and then yours. “good night, y/n-nee.”

you and your boyfriend watched as she went to her room, and you yawned.

“is my pretty baby tired?” takeomi asked, smiling at how cutely you nodded. “so let’s go to sleep, doll. tomorrow is a new day and i’m sure these two will have a lot of energy when they wake up.”

you let him guide you, the tiredness of the day finally making itself present in your body. after changing to one of your boyfriend’s old t-shirt and getting comfortable on his bed with his arms around your form, you were ready to welcome sleep before takeomi called your name.

“yes, my love?”

“thank you for today.” he started, giving your forehead a kiss. “you’re the only feminine presence senju have in her life, and i couldn’t be more grateful for being here with us. i don’t know what i would do if i was alone with her today.”

you chuckled, nuzzling your back into his sturdy chest. “you would probably call me.”

“yeah, probably. or shin, but i don’t think he could be of any help.”

takeomi noticed that you didn’t answer, and deeming that you were sleeping, he sighed. he finally realized, watching as how good you took care of senju, what that warm and fuzzy feeling he felt towards you was. he loved you.

it was a scaring feeling.

he never thought he would be able to love someone as he loved you. takeomi had a few girlfriends before you, especially when he was still a member of the black dragons, but what he felt for them couldn’t compare to what he felt for you. if you asked, he would set the world aflame just to see a smile gracing your lips. he could never belong to anyone else now, not after he tasted how it was being loved by you. it was an addicted feeling, and he just hoped that you felt the same. but seeing how you looked at him — as if he was your everything — he knew you loved him as much as he did with you.

“i love you, y/n.” he murmured against the skin of your cheek, pressing a chaste kiss there.

“i love you too, omi.”

for the third time that night, akashi takeomi found himself speechless because of you.

#akashi takeomi x reader #akashi takeomi #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyorev x reader #tokyo revengers #— june writes.#i just want to marry him

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kaybaeisgay · 1 year ago

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your replies are off on here, but honestly? i didn’t even see any of the stuff calling arya ugly. the first i’d heard of that happening was on your repost of my post lmao.

and for the record, i don’t consider arya being pretty or conventionally attractive as anti-sansa at all—because why the fuck would i? why would anyone? if someone is threatened by that, they should seriously evaluate their reasonings for their offense. arya and sansa are literally full siblings. aside from their specified differences (hair, eyes, height) they are meant to look similar according to grrm’s descriptions.

i wrote that post because i’d seen three posts in a row (granted, now that i look back at it, i think two of them were old, old posts from years ago) on my for you page implying or outright saying that one or the other sister was basically malicious or evil or unworthy of the stark name, and i was sick of it.

i love arya because she inspires me to be courageous, ambitious, and hard working. she encourages the side of me that is so often told to be kept under wraps due to fear of strong women in this world. and i love sansa because she teaches me to embrace the parts of me that are contemplative, gentle, and resilient. in fact, i think they both are actually very similar characters at their heart, which makes me root for them to hopefully reunite once again in the books.

so i don’t really appreciate your implication on exactly what i was speaking against in my original post, which is that fans can’t admire and stan both sisters. i know you, as an arya-stan are probably accustomed to the worst from toxic sansa-stans which is why you assumed i was somehow speaking against arya? but i beg of you to reread what i said and remember that not everyone is out to attack your fav character.

i’m sorry some fans have caused you to be on the defensive bc of their immaturity and lack of critical thinking, but i also don’t appreciate you blasting my post as if i was one of those toxic stans.

Is there any Arya vs Sansa discourse going on? The only drama I've seen is from people insisting that Arya is ugly while Arya fans are refuting that erroneous claim with book quotes. Is there a drama actively hating on Sansa or are Sansa stans trying to claim that bringing up pro-Arya quotes is inherently anti-Sansa?

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lunaastoir · 4 years ago

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fluff/relationships w the liyue crew

characters included: xiao, childe, beidou, and zhongli

ik i forgot ningguang i promise i’ll include her in part 2, i just didn’t have time :(

all x a gn! reader

my liyue babies :,) ft. ningguang in spirit

an: i was listening to my soft playlist (more like listening to cupid’s chokehold on repeat, no i am not basic 🔪) and i thought some fluff headcanons would be cute w these sweet people

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

xiao

ok so no surprise that he hates liyue harbor

he hates anything w a lot of people in it so he prefers to stay at wangshu inn tyvm

but by contrast, you love liyue harbor sm (it’s gorgeous i mean c’mON)

you go there often to retrieve your commissions in order to stay closer to xiao (liyue harbor is closer than mondstadt he argues but you’re well aware that they’re both equally far away)

so if anyone asked, xiao would absolutely refuse to go to the harbor like i hate people??? why would you even ask???

but,,,he’s so sOFT for you

if you asked??? he would agree in a heartbeat

but since he’s >:( angsty boy, he makes you think that he won’t go even when he’s already decided that he’s coming w you

he puts up the “if you so require, then i guess i will assist you with your travels in liyue harbor” but in reality he would definitely have said yes even without the almond tofu

while he hates the harbor, he thinks that with you anything is bearable :,) simp

you take him to see xinyan to vibe w her music and you can tell he really enjoys it

even tho he’s like 🕴 the entire time, you see the softer look on his face and the very slight smile on his lips as he listens to the music and watches the crowd

so so so cute very soft for him

i do see him as a subtly touchy person in public like brushing the hair off your face, swiping his thumb across your cheek, or gently pulling your hair back when you have a plate of food in your hands

the type to link your pinkies together - he claims it’s so you don’t get lost but yk better

after the concert is done you take him to that one waypoint near mt. tianheng and the both of you just watch the city lights and the way they reflect beautifully on the water surrounding the harbor

personal headcanon that xiao absolutely loves stargazing since he believes the stars are the one true constant in his life especially since he’s experienced so much loss (basically they’ll never leave him god i hate myself why do i make everything SAD)

mini headcanon off of that - he doesn’t stargaze with people,,, like ever

it’s something he loves to do alone so the fact that he lets you stargaze w him and even allows you to shift your head onto his lap while you watch the sky is a huge deal

he loves it when you softly whisper abt how your day was or something you saw that made you laugh

he just loves hearing your voice, it automatically calms the voices in his head

you absolutely ADORE when he has flowers in his hair especially cecilias (cecillias? ceccillias? idfk) and you make a point whenever you go to mondstadt to pick a fresh batch of cecilias just for xiao while enlisting the help of your favorite bard

these soft moments on the mountain are usually when you’ll sweetly tuck in a flower or two in his hair while laughing

he’ll blush fiercely while looking away but will tuck the cecilias in securely as you’re unable to do so due to the position you’re in on his lap

all in all - this was not meant to come out as a date idea but we’re going w it

this is so cute xiao pls let me put flowers in your hair sweet boy <3

childe

god, loml, my favorite war criminal after eren yeager

there’s never a dull moment w this man - if you wanted peace and quiet, why the hell are you dating him bestie???

is the type of person to yell out “Y/N, i can’t believe i ran into you here!” if he sees you somewhere even tho you explicitly told him you were going to be here in the morning (ik you have a good memory ajax don’t lie to me 😐)

i don’t see him as being obnoxious w pda unlike someone else kaeya but he would definitely participate (think: handholding, cheek kisses, an arm around your shoulders)

loves it when he comes home and sees you in an apron cooking

domesticity just makes his heart melt so you can be sure that your face will be peppered w a lot of kisses afterwards <3

absolutely ADORES it when you trace his scars absentmindedly when you’re lying down or even when you’re having dinner in public

he’s been far from his family for so long that small acts of mindless affection like this really make his heart happy

you have him drunk on your love luv haha see what i did there

he will let you put makeup on him. no i do not take criticism ⛄️

he already has on lowkey thick eyeliner,,, don’t be shy put some more bestie

he will shamelessly go out in public w whatever you made him wear - doesn’t really give a shit even tho he has a reputation to maintain

speaking of reputation,,, yk his mask? yeah that one - the red hair accessory that he has on his head

well on the mask, he attached a little charm the both of you got together on your first date during lantern rite

it’s this adorable fox that we all shamelessly kill for meat and he placed it so it anchored to the side of his mask so when he fights it isn’t a nuisance or anything (does that make sense??? i hope it does)

his subordinates notice and while they’re stoic around childe, behind closed doors they do whisper abt the mysterious person who’s captured his heart

not so mysterious anymore when they literally see him cling onto you during his daily patrol around the harbor 💀

it’s ok tho he’s lucky he’s cute

bestie,,, pls give him a neck massage

i just KNOW he’s tense there idk something abt the way he carries himself just screams “my neck hurts so bad someone pls help me i would ask but my pride literally will not let me”

so give him a neck massage :) don’t worry tho he’ll definitely return the favor and then some

LOVES TICKLE FIGHTS

he’s obsessed w them,,, it’s just the faces you make??? he can’t get enough

he loves seeing the pure joy and the brief fear (he’s kind of a sadist) in your eyes before he attacks you w those damned hands

it reminds him a lot of simpler times w his siblings and he’s happy he brings you joy and makes you forget your worries - at least for a little while

all in all, he’s a good boy and no i will not tolerate childe slander 🔪 kaeya slander tho 😏

beidou

you pulled beidou??? wow everyone’s jealous (pulled as in literally from the banner and in this context but no i do not have beidou and no i definitely do not want to talk abt it)

god made beidou and zhongli just so all of us could have a sexuality crisis

anyways, being w her is hard i will not lie

not bc she isn’t a capable lover - no, quite the contrary

she’s an amazing partner but the problem here lies in the fact that she’s almost never on land

it’s hard working a long distance relationship but y’all love each other so it works out :,)

when she is physically present however, expect to never be bored

she’ll quietly fix the wrinkles on your shirt or fiddle with your fingers in her hands while she recounts her adventures out on sea

she sometimes gets worried she bores you, however the way your eyes light up every time she tells a tale always reassures her otherwise

definitely the type to let you use her claymore if you want to learn

she’ll provide useful tips as she tucks her hands into your sides gently, positioning you correctly so you don’t hurt yourself

miss girl is an AMAZING cook

i just know she cooks the best meals - i mean she’s friends w xiangling after all

whenever she comes home from a voyage she’ll always insist on making something for you even if she’s abt to pass out

pls tuck her into bed and promise her that she can make you something in the morning <3 the poor woman needs rest

brings you back trinkets but they’re actually very practical

she knows you won’t have much use for a simple charm (not that there’s anything wrong w that) but she believes you’ll like something practical more so she might get you a new engraved knife from the most recent place she’s been to

definitely the type to surprise you when she docks

i can imagine her anchoring her ship out a little ways from liyue harbor and rowing to the dock in order to make sure you aren’t alerted of her presence (i’m sorry the mental picture this made in my mind is SENDING ME INTO ORBIT but she means well i love you)

will take you to remote spots she’s found in her travels through liyue

for example - the little heart shaped island and the island quest (?) that you had to use kaeya the bridge maker for in order to get to im sorry i’ll stop w the kaeya slander

she’ll get you seashell bracelets or necklaces idk why but she gives me those vIBES

they’re super nice ones too, only the highest quality for you

yes she’s a bruh girl but i also see her as someone who would enjoy intimate moments like watching the sunset or something

“yo wanna catch the sunset, i heard it looks sick from the jade chamber” said before ahem it yk fell from the sky

kasdjksfashfjsahf yes ofc i would love to catch the sunset w you pls come home luv

anyways, she is a woman i would give the world for

zhongli

ok gimme a sec i need to get my gentleman mode on

this man,,, THIS MAN

everything w him is so soft like your entire eXISTENCE w him could go in a museum it’s that beautiful

in the morning when he visits you, he always brings you a cup of your favorite tea and a bouquet of glaze lilies he got from madame ping

holds the door for you, pushes the chair out for you, uses a napkin and brushes sauce off your lips when you’re eating - you name something sweet, he’s done it

secretly loves it when you fuss over him

he doesn’t like to fight but say he encountered a group of hillichurls he couldn’t avoid and promptly defeated them but ended up tearing a part of his tux(?) (is it a tux? i could not tell you)

not that big of a deal, i mean it’s a scratch, he’s a 6,000 year old god, he’s dealt w much worse

but seeing the worried crease in your brows as you usher him to sit at the table while quickly grabbing antiseptic to clean his wound

“it’s just a scratch, my dear. do not worry i’ve dealt with much worse.”

you quietly protest abt how “yes zhongli, i understand you’re an archon and have gotten worse injuries but i’m worried about infection just please let me take care of you ok? <3″

when you say that he feels weird emotions,,, wdym take care of him?

he’s always taken care of himself or been expected to take care of others as the former ruling deity of liyue so having someone else genuinely worry abt his wellbeing creates a warm feeling in his chest

he strikes me as the type to knit you something??? idk maybe it’s the grandpa vibes but i headcanon that he would knit you a scarf for the colder weather, it’s cute

in the privacy of your home, he really likes picking you up

he loves it when you wrap your legs around his middle while he gets up to go do the dishes or smthg

domesticity go brrrr

if you’re into making flower crowns, he would totally have you on his lap and wordlessly hand you a glaze lily whenever you expectantly hold your hand out while weaving the flowers together

he expects you to make the crown for yourself but when you place the crown on his head and it fits perfectly while simultaneously tucking a glaze lily behind your ear, he looks at you dumbstruck

his mouth parts open in awe and it’s quite literally the cutest thing

you’ve broken him

thinks it’s the sweetest thing - will keep it on his head for the whole day

he’ll even put it in water before he sleeps so it won’t wilt and he can wear it the next day <3

scenic picnics!! scenic picnics!!

the type to take you to the nicest spots in liyue to chat abt the history of the land w you over a cup of tea and your favorite food (whatever you like, he doesn’t mind)

recounts the people he’s met in his long life before finishing off by saying you’re by far the best person he’s met

zhongli strangles lovingly come home soon

thanks for reading! if you have any requests don’t hesitate to send them in <3

805 notes · View notes

pappierus · 4 years ago

Text

A Big, Fat, Disastrous, Idiotic Mistake // Nozel Silva

...5.4k words :/

(i wrote this on wattpad, not copying, just moved it here bc i liked the tumblr community a lot better)

erm ye. enjoy?

------------

You made a mistake.

You made a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

You'd made this mistake nearly six months before, and it was still haunting you to this day.

You decided to be a member of the Silver Eagle Squad.

Why was this a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake, you may ask?

"Wow, I didn't think a commoner would last this long in this place, congratulations!" your superior chuckled a s you walked out of your room, your superior chuckled.

Well, because you were a commoner in a squad full of arrogant noblemen.

____

You're not sure why Captain Nozel chose you in the first place; you were the one he despised the most. Even your breathing irritated him — not that you felt any differently about him, of course.

He was without a doubt the most evil person on the face of the earth, w ith his menacing purple eyes and demonic braided hair.

Evil.

You were strong, and you worked hard to gain even the tiniest bit of his approval, but no matter how hard you tried, he dismissed you with a sneer.

Even now, when your squad reported to him after completing a mission, retrieving a fortune, and saving hundreds of lives, the majority of which was due to your magic—which your squad leader, bless him, pointed out—he still rolled his eyes when your name was mentioned. Which you took offence to and glared at him angrily, which he matched for the remainder of the brief meeting.

When your squad leader finished the report, he hummed his approval and dismissed you all, so you ended your glaring match and walked away.

You felt sick by even being in the same room with him.

yep, a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

____

For the third time, you loudly knocked on Captain Silva's big office door, hurting your knuckle in the process. You knew he was in there because he never leaves unless he's on a mission, being the workaholic and perfectionist he was.

You didn't come here voluntarily, oh no, you would never.

You had to request a day or two off from your captain since your sister was getting married, she wanted you to be the best maid, and you were not going to miss your baby sister's wedding for the world.

Due to said circumstances, you were forced to endure the agony of seeing his face once more, or at least the part of his face that wasn't obscured by that unusual braid.

You were beginning to wonder who told him it was a good idea to style his hair like that, the devil? Because it was not, in fact, a good idea, but it was the braid that saved you the trouble of looking at his entire face. you began to wonder; did he braid it himself?

You laughed to yourself at the thought of your enraged captain braiding his hair like a little girl in front of a mirror, but your thoughts was cut off by the devil himself.

"How long do you intend to laughing to yourself like a lunatic?" When the door opened, you looked up to see your captain staring down at you with his trademark sneer on his lips. And with that, you smile vanished.

"sorry, I was just having a funny thought." you said, rubbing the back of your neck in embarrassment. He gave you a blank stare.

Great, you reasoned, he thinks I'm crazy, just another excuse to despise me.

"What do you want?" he asked. "Or do you enjoy wasting my time?" he snarled.

rude, you thought.

"Hey! I had to knock on the door three times before you heard me. My hand hurts." you said, it wasn't uncommon of you to talk back to the captain, you had a short temper and he had a large ego.

you said, it wasn't uncommon of you to talk back to the captain, you had a short temper and he had a large ego.

"You did?" he asks, and you gape at him, because he heard you laughing softly to yourself ( quietly, may I add) but not you pounding on the door? "Shut your mouth, it's incredibly rude."

''you're one to talk'' you mumbled under your breath.

"Mumbling is rude" he sneered, disapprovingly looking at you, "I don't like repeating myself, what do you want?"

You were so irritated that you almost forgot why you came here. You took a deep breath in and out to relax, then resumed speaking.

"Captain, I have a question for you." You said something, he rolled his eyes and went into his office; you followed behind him, not having time to properly look around but judging by his desk, he was certainly busy, almost making you feel bad for bothering him.

"You see, my sister's wedding is coming up in a few days, and I was invited to attend—" you sensed his glare but continued to talk, "-but I need to take a day off to do so." You finished quickly and waited for a response.

"Your vacation days aren't for another two weeks." "You're asking me if you should leave your duties to attend a party?" he said after a brief pause.

He said it as if it were the most ridiculous suggestion ever made.

"It's not just a party! It's a wedding reception! They're very serious."

"I'm sure anything like this will be thrilling to a commoner—"

"excuse me? It has nothing to do with mme being a commoner; if you got married, wouldn't you want your siblings to attend?" you questioned, hands clenched.

"Well, I'm sure my wedding will actually be important—" he dismissively said.

"And this isn't important?" you cut him off. "Oh right, I forgot, I wouldn't understand because I'm a commoner," You said it jokingly, but you were truly offended. Nozel's eyes softened slightly as if noticing, but you were too upset to notice.

Nozel composed himself, "precisely, I'm so glad you understand-"

"I doubt you could ever get married anyway." you mumbled, you expected him to say something typical like 'mumbling is rude', but he heard you clearly.

"what's that supposed to mean?" he seethed, stepping closer in an attempt to intimidate you.

"I mean, I doubt any woman would willingly get married to you!" you yelled, your words seemed to anger him more.

"Oh please, no sane man would ever stay in a relationship with you," he spat back, rolling his eyes, and pinching his temples, "i shouldn't be wasting my breath on such a worthless commoner"

Worthless commoner...

why every argument you had ended with him calling you a worthless commoner?

yep... a big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

Both of you were angry, you hadn't intended for the conversation to yet again be another petty argument, but you should've known it wouldn't be easy convincing your captain to do anything.

You were both mad; you hadn't intended for the discussion to devolve into yet another petty argument, but you should've known it would be difficult to persuade your captain to do anything.

"Please, it's important to me..." lowering your voice in the hopes that just being nice would sway him, but he simply glared at you. you sighed and your shoulders slumped, admitting defeat.

You turned away to leave when you heard your captain sigh behind you, "I'll give you the day off," you snapped back up and turned to face your captain, who avoided your gaze, "...but I'm taking away your next holiday."

You sighed once more, knowing that there would be a catch, but you were grateful nevertheless.

"Thank you!" you yelled, Nozel flinched from the volume, you were so happy you could almost hug him.

For once, you saw the captain in a less evil light.

"Are you trying to make my ears bleed" he yelled "Why are you still in my office, get out!"

...never mind.

______

"Did I allow you to speak with me, (Y/N)?" You were unfazed by your captain's snide remarks because you had grown accustomed to them.

"It was just a question. You're so sensitive, yikes", I mumbled. His head snapped towards me

"I'm not sensitive, and you should know, mumbling is rude, " he glared at you.

you stared at him intently, at first, he tried to ignore your gaze but it soon became too obvious. he sighed, rubbing his temples,"What do you want?"

"For you to answer my question," you said bluntly, your eyes narrowing as you awaited his response.

"No, it was an idiotic question." he said, rolling his eyes, "now, go away." he ordered.

You didn't, instead continuing to look at him; he tried to ignore you again, but your stare became too distracting for him; why? He didn't have a clue. Normally, he'd threaten an annoying member of his team.

He glared at you and asked, "Is there something on my face?"

you tilted your head with a grin, unfazed by his glare, "yep."

his eyes widened in horror, had he gotten food around his mouth? or maybe dirt? the idea of dirt on his face irritated him, but there was not mirror for him to check. it was vital that he was always presented as a noble at all times.

You chuckled at his panic; it was unusual for him to lose his composure, and it made you laugh that something on his face had caused him to panic, of all things. It was good to see him not be so serious, you had to admit.

You may be wondering why you and your captain were alone together, not fighting or even attempting to kill each other. You were selected to go on a mission with your squad of three, but due to the gravity of the situation, your captain and another squad were forced to intervene.

The majority of the task had been accomplished, but you and your team had underestimated the complexity of the building from which you were retrieving stolen goods, and as a result, a few of you got lost.

To make matters worse, some of the building had begun to crumble, obstructing the exit from which you and your captain had entered.

You considered using your magic to blow one of the walls open, but it would just cause more parts of the building collapsing, and the majority of your squad was also trapped inside.

So, you and Nozel had been locked in the same room for an hour and had grown tired of arguing, so you decided to break the silence by asking him about the large braid that covered his ears.

"Well?" he started, "Are you going to tell me what's on my face?" Nozel asked impatiently, you chuckled and decided to mess with him because you and Nozel had made a sort of truce.

"Let me help," you said, walking over to the much taller man and reaching your hands up to help.

you lifted the braid from his face, so it was no longer covering it, and smirked "there, much better."

you looked at him, you had never realized how attractive your captain truly was since you have never really seen his face, but he was indeed very attractive, you wondered why he covered his face all the time if he looked like that.

"What makes you think you have the right to touch me, " he spat, letting go of your wrist, "A commoner getting comfortable with a noble, ridiculous" he seethed.

"Here we go again," you muttered, feeling dejected. He had to spoil your fun with the noble chat, of course.

You gave up, frowning and walking away from him. Of course, this wasn't the first time he'd done anything like this, but it always bothered you that it didn't matter what you di,d because you were a commoner.

Isn't it possible that you should just be friends? Could he ask you simple questions like, "How was your day?" or "How are you doing this fine morning?"

'How did the wedding go?' When Nozel asked you a question, your head shot up and you turned to look at him sceptically. Maybe he was making fun of you, or maybe he had read your mind.

"Sorry?'' you asked in case you misheard him, he didn't look at you, but you knew that look of annoyance was directed at you as he rolled his eyes.

He grunted and turned away from you, adding, "I don't like repeating myself." But after a while, he repeated himself anyway, "How was the wedding?"

Although it was a simple question, it still shocked you, but you answered anyway ''Uh, I-It was good, and fun... thanks for asking'' you added at the end, his shoulders stiffened.

it was silent for a while, neither of you spoke. there was a sudden, awkward change of atmosphere, not used to the casual confrontation you had.

After a while, you asked, "Nozel, can I ask you a question?"

"Not another one-''

"It's not about your hair, I promise!" you told him, a little smile on your face, amused at how such a small matter could annoy him so much.

"Ask quickly," he ordered, making you anxious because you weren't sure you wanted the answer.

he noticed your hesitation ''Well...?''

''why did you raise your hand?'' you forced the question out, anticipating his snarky remark, "to be a part of the squad, i mean"

"I know what you mean," he snapped, but the expression on his face was unreadable, he looked at you for a long while, ''why would you ask such a stupid question. You were strong.''

Your gaze grew serious and you pursed your lips before saying, ''but you hate me.'' he matched your hard gaze, ''you've always hated me since i was a commoner. so why would you pick a commoner for your squad''

Your staring match turned into a glaring match, ''I already answered your question, because you were strong''

''liar,'' you scoffed, ''there were other strong commoners, some stronger than me, and you didn't pick them-''

''-Because they weren't like you,'' he sighed angrily.

"How?" you pestered.

"Why does it matter?"

"Because it does. how? you continued to ask, it got on his nerves.

"I saw something in you that I hadn't seen before." I had a gut feeling when I saw you that I wanted you on my squad by my s-"

He abruptly cut himself off, his eyes widening slightly as though he had noticed something. You, too, fell quiet. You hadn't expected his outburst, and you had to confess that for the first time since joining the team, a feeling of acceptance filled your chest.

it was you first time seeing Nozel so flustered, but he quickly straightened his back, ''I needed you in my squad under my leadership. what sort of captain would i be if i ignored your power for such a petty reason.'' he shook him head ''But it it may have been a mistake.''

His last remark felt like a pang to your chest, hurting you much more than you thought it should've, ''w-what?''

He immediately recognized the hurt look on your face, his words had never done that to you before, and he felt a cloud of guilt descend upon him, but before he could respond, you heard the distant shouts of your squad mates, who had found you.

if only you could take back that big, fat, disastrous, idiotic mistake.

________

You had kept your distance from the captain, choosing not to bother him any further. So, instead of your usual glaring match, you kept your head down while reporting a task to him. You didn't object when he made you work extra hours or took away your free time for no apparent reason. When he insulted you, you didn't even react.

You were unwelcome on this team, you hoped that by joining it, your reputation would improve. Although it did, the other members of your squad rarely picked fights with you, and the mean looks were not quite as bad as they had been when you first joined, your reputation with your captain remained the same, no matter how much you contributed.

he didn't know how to react, the person you were now was completely different to the (Y/N) he knew, and he was the reason behind it.

So, when you gave him the letter, he should've anticipated it. "What is this?" he asked, furiously reading it over and over, as if that would change what was written.

well maybe if you stopped talking and actually read it- you though, keeping your calm, cringing as he crumpled the letter you put extra effort in to make your handwriting all nice-

"It says-"

"-I know what it says, I can read," he said angrily, rising from his desk and staring at you incredulously. "You can't be serious, a squad change?" he asked fiercely.

"That's what i wrote" you said bluntly.

"-I know what you wrote!", he yelled, you flinched, not expecting him to get worked up over something like this.

''why are you so angry? Captain Roselei said i could join her squad by the end of the month if I still wanted to, i just need your approval-" you tried to explain.

"I know what she said, i read the letter-" he cut you off again' "and I don't care", he took a deep breath in and sat down again, pinching his temples. "I cant accept" he said.

You instantly grew annoyed, "What, why? You can't do that! -"

"Actually, i can. I can't have you leave my squad, what will happen if the other captains found out one my own members hated it so much, she had to leave. I'll look like a joke!" he yelled back.

"What? You'll have one less commoner on your squad, that good, right? It's not like you appreciate anything i do here anyway-"

"I already said-"

"Is it really so difficult for me to earn a little bit of approval from you, even if it's just a 'well done'? I just wanted to impress my Captain, but it's obvious that he doesn't want me here! You really didn't think this would happen, come on?" You said back your voice raising slightly.

"You can't be treated like a child here, i won't treat you like one-"

"I thought you would be happy" you muttered, "You said it, yourself, you made a mistake."

Something flashed across his eyes, but it was unclear what it was. His face softened, and he began, "(Y/N)...", but his words trailed off.

"It's all right, we both did." "I shouldn't have joined this team," you said, he scrunched his brows at your confession. "I regret it too.". After all this time of keeping it in, it felt nice to finally say it, but you quickly regretted it when you saw his expression.

You had never seen him upset, but it looked like you had hurt him. a part of you thought he deserved it, but another part of you ached to see him like that.

His sad expression faded quickly, and he was replaced by a stern one. He took another glance at the letter before crumpling it up into a ball and tossing it behind him carelessly, "Hey!" you were about to yell, your sympathy quickly replaced with anger.

He replied softly, "I'm sorry," but it wasn't about throwing the letter away, and it had you silent. "I made a mistake; I shouldn't have treated you that way." "I'm sorry for everything," he apologised once more. "I'd take it back if I could."

"Take what back, picking me?" you asked sadly, "I know-"

"No, not that," he said, his voice becoming softer. "I'm sorry for allowing myself to-" he stopped himself before looking at you, shaking his head and saying "forget it, you wouldn't understand... you can leave the squad if you want."

"No, not that. " he said, quieter. "I regret allowing myself to-" he stopped himself before looking at you, shaking his head and saying "forget it, you wouldn't understand... you can leave the squad if you want."

he waved his hand dismissively, but you weren't leaving, "help me understand. I'm not staying in this squad unless you give me a reason to stay." you stated firmly, and he looked at you with yet another blank expression.

"You wouldn't understand." he repeated and you were growing annoyed.

"Then I'll leave" you stated, waiting for some sort of reaction, but there was none. you stayed in the same spot, just waiting for him to try convince you not to go,.

but he didn't, you weren't sure what you expected, but with a defeated sigh, you turned to leave. there was no place for you here anyway.

as you reached the door you heard him ask quietly, "do you truly have no reason to stay?" you looked back at him, and despite his strong, cold facade, he seemed so vulnerable.

"What?" you asked.

"I don't like repeating myself," he said before repeating himself, "Is there no excuse for you to stay?" he asked. "Nothing?...No one?" he enquired hesitantly.

At that exact moment, the evil Captain you've been so desperate to escape from made your heart swell. There was someone, you think. But you shook your head, slapping yourself internally from the thought.

"What do you mean earlier, at or mission, that you didn't regret picking me?" you asked, dodging his question with one of your own, remembering what he said earlier.

"You're avoiding my question."

"Your avoiding mine" you said stubbornly, and he rolled his eyes, something that made you smile, and with a reluctant sigh he answered.

"I never regretted picking you. Not once." He snapped quickly, trying to get the topic over with.

"But you said-"

"I know what i said," he cut you off, again. he avoided your gaze, as if regretting bringing up this topic in the first place.

"I never regretted picking you for my squad, in fact I think it was one of the best decisions of my life." your heart stopped and you stared at him, it must've been hard for him to admit, as he looked down at the papers on his desk, about you didn't see the pink tint on his cheeks.

but rather than teasing him, you asked "Is that the truth?" and he continued to look away.

"Take it or leave it, it doesn't matter, i don't care." he said half-heartedly.

"should i stay?" You continued to press; a familiar mischievous spark rose from withing you.

"W-What? I don't care what you-"

" You didnt think i should leave earlier" you asked, pointing to the scrunched-up letter he threw away.

As much as Nozel tried to hide his embarrassment from his tantrum earlier, he couldn't hide the now obvious fact that he wanted- no, needed you here. he slowly looked up at you, wanting to glare but as soon as he spotted the blush on your cheeks, he couldn't retaliate.

after a minute of silence, he answered "It's the truth, what i said about you being on my squad" he admitted, and you felt your heart beat faster as you saw your captain in a strange new light.

"i told you already its your choice if you want to stay."

you rephrased the question, "do you want me to stay?"

When he saw you were being totally serious, his head shot up at you, his brows furrowed. His eyes opened, and he flushed red from ear to ear. He opened and closed his mouth several times, unable to come up with a response that would not further embarrass him.

"Just say yes or no, Nozel" you told him, noticing his flustered state, normally he would at once correct you to call him captain, but at this moment in time, neither of you cared.

You were not sure where your sudden change of heart started, but all you wanted to hear was on word, one simple word and you would be happy, and upon hearing his name roll of your tongue so causally, he knew exactly what he wanted.

"Yes."

his reply made the room fall to silence yet again.

he wanted you to stay?

"Please stay." he asked, as if answering your question and you weren't sure who the man in front of you was.

All you could do was stare at him, and he stared at you. his eyes were beautiful, you realized.

But eventually, the silence became too much to bear, and not knowing how to reply, you left his office holding your breath. He did not stop you, and watched you as you left.

Was talking to him a mistake?

_________

You foolishly assumed that talking to him would clear things up and convince you that you needed to leave, but you left with far more questions than before.

Everything you could think about was how much he wanted you to stay.

But why now, exactly? Why would he reveal anything right now?

You couldn't get the thoughts out of your head, so you buried yourself in work. You had until the end of the week to determine whether or not you wanted to stay.

"well done, all of you," Captain Nozel said to your team, and you met his gaze, but he averted his gaze first.

Despite the fact that he pretended the discussion never existed, he treated you differently, as though you were now on an equal level with him. you continued to stare at him with confusion, which would normally turn into a glaring battle between the two of you, but he avoided you gaze. The air felt heavy.

You shuffled nervously on your feet before being dismissed, and as the rest of the squad left, he called out your name, and you turned to look at him, heart racing, but he shut his mouth, as though at a loss for words.

"Yes?" You asked expectedly, he shook his head.

"I-... decent job today," he said, which admittedly surprised you and almost made you feel good.

"Thank you, Captain," you replied cortly.

What was the first thing he was going to say? You know you should probably leave, but your feet were firmly planted in place, and you wanted to ask if he had something else to say, maybe an explanation.

When he noticed your hesitation, he asked, "Is there anything you need?"

"Uhm... no, not necessarily," you said, forcing yourself to leave because you didn't want to be a burden any longer.

"Have you decided?" he asked abruptly as you reached the door. "I mean, if you want to stay."

You turned around again, but this time you chose not to look him in the eyes. "I think so, Captain.''

There was a silence, he obviously expected you to tell him your decision, but you couldn't, there was a lump in your throat that wouldn't let you speak.

Judging by the silence, the way you avoided his gaze and the fidgeting of you fingers, he knew what your choice was.

"I see..." he started, his voice laced with... sadness?

"I wish you the best, (Y/N)." he said shortly, there was more he wanted to say, much more, but he couldn't bring himself to say it.

you still didn't leave, and asked "Will you tell me the truth?", the question caught him off guard, and his eyebrows furrowed.

"The truth?" he asked, you met his gaze finally. it became harder nd harder to look into his lavender eyes.

"What is it that you regret? if it wasn't picking me?" you asked, recalling his outburst during your mission, but the continued to brush it off as something not important, but by the stiffening if his shoulders, you knew that was a lie. "If I'm leaving, can't you answer that one question?"

"...You're too stubborn for your own good." he dodged the question, but he held your gaze. He was right, you were stubborn, and by the look in your eye, he knew you weren't leaving without an answer.

"I suppose an explanation for my behavior is needed," and he turned away from you, not willing for you to see the blush on his face, and you smiled at his compliance.

"I didn't, as I've explained, regret picking you. I, I saw you and i knew i wanted you in my squad, but looking back on it, i regret being so selfish" he started.

selfish?

"... I knew as a captain i shouldn't have let my emotions influence my decisions, it was too irrational, to hasty. But i had what you call a gut feeling, that i would never regret picking you, having you by me, by my...by my side-" he paused, not sure if he should continue.

oh.

Your heart stopped beating, and as you tried to over analyze the meaning of his words, you knew that what he had confessed to you was that he-

by his side? you repeated in your head, you didn't dare to say anything out loud.

"I regret treating you the way i did, truly i do. i do not apologize often, (Y/N), but you deserve one. I am sorry for being so selfish. I just couldn't forgive myself for falling for my squad members, a commoner nonetheless." He admitted, and that is when you felt yourself hold your breath.

Captain Nozel, your captain... is he falling for you?

Is it possible that I'm falling in love with you?

You weren't expecting an apology, but this was unexpected. You hadn't asked for this when you asked for the truth. But it didn't bother you in the least. Was it as if this was what you... desired?

The devilish, arrogant, crude man you hated with all your heart had been in love with you, it was hard to wrap your head around, really, but what confused the most was why-

why did you feel happy?

" I thought it was horrible, really, a Captain, a noble, and a commoner. Perhaps that's why i treated you the way i did. I was ashamed." he said, and you felt yourself grow disappointed, your heart dropped slightly.

"Y-you were ashamed of me?" you said quietly, not anticipating you pathetic you sounded.

i knew it, you thought.

at the sound of your voice, he finally turned to look at you, "Of myself... I didn't care, but it didn't matter. if only i had known how pointless it was to- but i was too caught up with what i had been taught, i only now realize that it doesn't matter."

you didn't know whether to be happy or upset, angry or elated. Half of you felt giddy, the confession made your face grow hot and your heart beat faster, but the other half of you felt mad, mad at him for treating you that way when things could have been so different.

"Commoner or not, the feelings never went away. But I suppose it doesn't matter after all, you will be leaving soon." he said, his voice growing sad, and his lips turning into a soft smile.

You don't think he's ever smiled around you like that.

"Do you still regret falling in love with me?" you asked quickly, not knowing why you couldn't just leave.

He looked at you for a long time, before replying "...No, I don't. And i never will." he said.

"And what if i stayed?" you asked, "What would you do?"

would it be possible? How would your teammates react, his family, the nobles, if he dared pursue a relationship with a commoner.

"It doesn't matter." he brushed off, as if the conversation was now too much for him, "You're leaving"

"But what if i stayed?" you asked again, he stared at you for a long time.

you knew he was thinking carefully about what he should say, his eyebrows furrowed, he clenched and unclenched his fists multiple times, seemingly nervous. his cheeks were dusted with a light pink, and this time, you saw it.

Nozel was nervous, it was a sight you never though you would see, and it made you nervous too.

"then... woud..you" he mumbled and you couldnt hear what he had said, you were shocked by this more timid version of nozel.

"Mumbling is rude" you said in a cheeky voice, the atmosphere felt less tense as a smile found its way to both of your lips as you turned his own words on him. he met youreyes and saw the blush that also covered your cheeks.

"i said, then i would love you" he repeated with a newfound confidence, before walking towards you and closing the distance between the both of you.

_______

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