#bc i have so many thoughts about this song so i hope they came across!!

[yerimacoustic]

𝙢𝙞𝙭𝙩𝙖𝙥𝙚 ♡ joshua x reader

when your childhood friend, joshua finds an old mixtape both of you made years ago, he gets inspired to craft the perfect plan to tell you how he really feels. 📼🎧🥤⋆·˚ ༘ *

content warnings: roadtrip au, childhood friends to lovers, strong language, gossiping about losing the v card, literally everything goes wrong but it’s cute, fluff, soft angst since it talks about stress during college, joshua hong x gender neutral reader. both of you are graduating university! no smut but 18+, mdni! 4k wc

additional notes: this probably seems so rushed but idEC bc i needed some joshua fluff & i’m a proud supporter of the gentleman joshua agenda. also pls comment which songs you’d put on your mixtape with him, i left it kinda open to your imagination minus three songs <3 not proofread, sorrows, prayers

the end of joshua’s final semester in college came with its fair share of mixed emotions. among the many sentiments was crippling stress, seemingly the most commonly occurring one. it was nothing he wasn’t used to, being a full-time college student with a part time job and mostly insufferable roommates. four years prior, he began to dread the day he would have to pack up all of his belongings and move across town, where his own apartment was waiting.

and of course, he was right to rue the day.

it was a nightmare trying to schedule the move in date to line up with the time the u-haul had to be dropped off, especially since he couldn’t get access to his garage until a few hours after he had to turn in the keys. another $50 down the drain. luckily, he started packing his side of the dorm weeks in advance in order to spend a decent amount of time on his finals. even if he had a job lined up already, he wanted to leave a lasting good impression.

just as he was going through the last of his belongings, he found a small box hidden under his bed. judging by the cobwebs scattered along the small crate, he’d forgotten all about its existence until now. he checked the digital clock, the only thing left on his nightstand- he’d been cleaning for hours. he was entitled to a break.

so he opened the box, smiling to himself as he took in all of the souvenirs and knick knacks from years before. there were ticket stubs to the first ‘frozen’ movie, a few pieces of his favorite candy (which were beyond expired at that point), two of the lego avengers figurines, a few polaroids of him, seungcheol and jeonghan along with his mother, and..

“shut up.”

he had completely forgotten that he’d made this mixtape with you. ‘shua and y/n’s epic road trip.’ the year before you both started college, the two of you took a roadtrip across the town together. the night before you embarked on the spontaneous journey, the two of you spent hours meticulously crafting a playlist that would perfectly recount your trip. he always thought he’d left it in his car and you’d never mentioned it to him after the trip, so it simply left his mind.

but now that he was staring at the small disc, he wondered how it was even possible to forget something he cherished so fondly. it was the first trip the two of you went on together alone. you’d spent time together on school trips, even getaways with jeonghan and seungcheol, but you never seemed to get enough time alone together for joshua’s liking. even if it didn’t end with a kiss like he was hoping, it was still a memory that he held close to his heart.

that was when he devised a plan.

he reached across the floor for his phone, which had just barely finished charging. luckily, your contact was one of the only ones pinned on his phone, so dialing your phone number was a breeze. he held his phone to his ear, biting his nails in anticipation as he listened to the dial tone drone on.. and then he remembered you were in the middle of one of your lectures.

fuck.

‘hey this is y/n. i can’t reach my phone right now so leave a message or text me. bye.’ how was it that something as simple as a voicemail greeting from you could make his heart flutter?

“it’s joshua. call me back asap, i want to go on another road trip with you.”

—------------------------

going on a road trip near the end of the semester with deadlines and fees stacked upon both of your to-do lists probably wasn’t the brightest idea. there were probably a million better, more productive things both of you could be doing to prepare for the next chapter of your lives. even so, joshua waited in the parking lot of your apartment complex while tapping a nervous rhythm onto the steering wheel.

while he was waiting for you, he kept going over all of the contents in his dufflebag to ensure he had properly prepared for everything. unlike the last road trip you went on, this one would be an overnight holiday. toothbrush, shampoo, deodorant, phone charger.. he knew fully well he had everything he could need; he’d checked his overnight bag multiple times before he stepped out of the door. not only that, but he stuffed his hand in his jacket pocket multiple times to ensure the mixtape was still there.

“just calm down,” he sighed to himself after confirming, once again, that he had everything he needed. “it’s just y/n, just the one you’ve been crushing on since middle school. no big deal, you’ve done this before, you’ve gone on a trip with them before..”

he was quickly pulled out of his thoughts and mutterings once he saw you walking down the stairs. he noticed the way your eyes lit up once you noticed his car, causing his heart to race. he stepped out and ran to you, an infectious grin spreading across his lips as he pulled you into his arms. “thank you for coming with me. you have no idea how much i need this.”

you laughed as you threw your arms around his neck and hugged him just as tightly in return, his grip on you practically suffocating. in the best possible way, of course. “trust me, i’ve been needing a break too,” you sighed. “i can’t believe this is it. we’re graduating college.”

as for what that meant for the two of you, neither of you had a clue. you made sure to stay as close as possible during your time in university, planning as many get togethers as your schedules would allow, but halfway through your third year, your individual priorities seemed to outweigh any other extracurricular activities. while you weren’t able to see each other in person as often as you did when you were kids, joshua was just grateful that you kept in contact.

“i know. it’s a lot more stressful and anxiety inducing than i thought it would be.” he tried to hide his disappointment and dread as he broke from your embrace, keeping that warm smile as he led you to his car. after gently taking the bag that was slung over your shoulder and carefully tossing it in the backseat, he opened the passenger door for you. as always. “but enough about that,” he snickered, climbing into his seat and cautiously slamming the car door shut.

“you’re right. no work talks while we’re on vacation,” you giggled and shifted in your seat so you could face him, a mischievous glint in your eyes. “so, what’s first on the itinerary, mr. hong?”

“well, first things first-” he made a dramatic show of pulling the mixtape out of his jacket pocket, the corners of his eyelids wrinkling as his smile grew brighter. “look what i found.”

your eyes widened as you gently snatched the cassette from him, your hand brushing over the tape where the title had been scribbled in permanent marker. “oh my god, i forgot we made this! where did you find it?”

“under my bed,” joshua laughed, shrugging. “i thought it seemed appropriate, with new beginnings and all... we don’t have to listen to it if you don’t want to, though.”

“not at all! i’m up for a trip down memory lane,” you laughed.

joshua began to pull out of the small parking lot, feeling particularly eager to get on the road. especially since it was early in the morning; he knew it would be a beautiful view as the sun would peek from its hiding spot behind the trees. “i was hoping you would say that. because.. i was thinking we could just follow the same exact itinerary as last time.”

“really? down to the number?” you sent a knowing smirk in his direction, even if he was too focused on the road to pay any mind to it outside of his peripheral vision. you watched him nod his head as his smile grew and grew, his cheerful grin as contagious as ever. “well, since we’re following tradition, i’ll buy your chai latte again this year.”

“guess that means i’m covering dinner again,” joshua chuckled lightly, the sound going straight to your heart. as per usual, of course.

“what a gentleman,” you mused while cautiously inserting the cassette tape into the car’s rather finicky slot. you always knew joshua’s car was ancient and worn down, so you were impressed, to say the least, that it had lasted throughout the entirety of his college career. “i forgot which songs we put on here. this’ll be fun.”

“me too, actually. but.. i do seem to remember someone was constantly begging me to add taylor swift to the playlist.”

“it was a phase! everyone was a die hard fan at one point in their life.”

“sure, we’ll go with that excuse,” joshua teased you without a hint of mocking or scorn in his voice. it was more like amusement.

it was nothing short of serendipitous, the way the sun began to rise to a more comfortable resting position for the rest of the day and light up the path for you and joshua just as ‘here comes the sun’ began to play. the song was slightly muffled, the speakers in the car radio being on their last leg- it was a picture perfect moment, regardless.

you rolled down your window, letting your hand drift along the current of the breeze passing by as joshua began to pick up speed. you heard him humming along, his soothing voice fitting perfectly with george harrison’s. and you smiled to yourself- if joshua wasn’t dead set on his current career path, you knew he could easily make a name for himself as a singer.

for whatever reason, the way he muttered the endearing term ‘little darling’ so gently before each chorus stood out to you most. his sickly sweet voice added so much more meaning to the lyrics. in that moment, really all you could do was hope that he didn’t notice the way you were trying to stop yourself from smiling like a fool.

but he did. out of the corner of his eye, he noticed you bashfully bowing your head.

he finally arrived at the coffee shop, which was a tiny shack just off the main road. it was a convenient little spot for any travelers that needed a caffeine boost on their journey. except..

“oh no.” it was closed??

indefinitely??

“it’s okay!” you were quick to assure him and pat his shoulder. “there’s a gas station just up ahead. we can probably just get some coffee there, my treat.”

joshua nodded in an effort to keep up the faith. “you’re right! it’ll be a bit watery but that’s fine- right?”

“right!” you agreed with a chuckle. honestly, to you, missing out on a delicious chai latte wasn’t the end of the world but joshuasuspected it was only the beginning of a series of setbacks.

and he proved to be correct: the coffee machine in the gas station was broken, leaving the two of you to settle for some canned nitro cold brews. while joshua’s paranoia grew, you looked at the glass half full; so it didn’t go exactly according to plan.. but at least the two of you had caffeine.

“so, what was the second thing we did?” you asked, taking the smallest sips of your coffee at a time. just as a precaution.

“picnic over at that rest stop. hopefully it’s not blocked or something,” he joked, all the while secretly praying that the universe wouldn’t twist his words. it seemed that the gods were in a playful mood that day; too bad it was at his expense rather than in his favor.

by now, you were near the end of ‘side a’ and ‘feeling good’ was playing. you could only hear michael bublé’s voice very faintly at this point, but the catchy song still brought a smile to your face. “i always liked this version the best,” you told joshua.

he beamed. “that’s because it is the best one. i taught you well.”

you helped your friend pull the basket and blanket out of his trunk once he’d parked the car near the top of a hill that overlooked a lake and a series of trees surrounding the body of water. it was a quaint spot, one that seemed to put the rest of the city on display for the two of you. and like many spots in the town, it came with its fair share of legends and stories.

“did you hear the rumors that vernon lost his v-card here?” you snickered between bites of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich that joshua was gracious enough to make for the two of you.

he nearly choked on the remnants of his sandwich, shaking his head as his fist flew to cover his mouth. he looked mortified, eyes growing nearly twice their size. “what?? no! how come no one ever told me about that?”

“are you kidding?? i could have sworn someone told you,” you snickered and reached over to repeatedly pat his back. “anyways, no one knows if it’s true or not.”

“he’s a chamber of secrets, that one.”

“he certainly is.”

once joshua had finally composed himself, a sigh of contentment left his lips. he took a deep breath, basking in the fresh mountain air and sunlight. there were a few clouds in sight, nothing that should have caused too much panic. just something to give the two of you the right amount of shade.

comfortable silence passed between the two of you and you laid back against the blanket in mirrored positions, propped up by one elbow. you looked over to joshua after feeling fixated on the small lake, focusing intently on his features, instead. his eyelashes, the curve of his lips, the way his hair fell so neatly over his face.

he truly was so naturally beautiful.

you only felt pressured to snap out of your daze when he began to tilt his head towards you. your gaze fell to the blanket smoothly while your finger began to brush along one of the patterns on the fabric. his mom had made it for him, along with several other quilts that he held very dear to his heart. “i guess it would be a pretty nice place to seal the deal.”

joshua laughed out loud, “y/n l/n, i’ve never heard you say something so scandalous in my whole life.”

you tilted your head back as his words brought upon a laugh of your own, “well, this year is all about new beginnings, isn’t it? we’re changing, we’re growing..”

“i guess so,” he mused once your voice trailed off. when you looked up, he was the one fixating on your features. it brought a heated sensation among your cheeks and a dumb smile to your lips. you noticed him swallow, attempting to be subtle while shifting to rest on his elbow more comfortably. “y/n, can you promise me something?”

“of course, joshua, anything.”

“can you promise that we’ll always try to stay in touch? no matter what?” there was a pang of sadness in both joshua’s tone and in his eyes. suddenly you felt guilty for taking your lifelong friendship for granted; the last thing you wanted was for someone so dear to you to feel undervalued.

“shua- of course i will.” feeling particularly bold, you reached out to grab his hand. “i’m sorry if i’ve been.. distant lately. i feel like we’ve both had a lot going on. and it’s not going to get any better once we’ve got our nine-to-fives, but.. you mean a lot to me. i want you to stay in my life.”

just then, the man in front of you appeared as if a large weight had been removed from his shoulders. you couldn’t believe that you witness his eyes actually light up in real time, his entire figure perfectly displaying how much lighter he felt. “i want you to stay,” he repeated after you.

the two of you weren’t directly confessing your true feelings towards each other just yet, but somehow.. those five words were enough. ‘i want you to stay.’

you stayed silent, as if to let them echo between the two of you. the fact that you weren’t sure how you were supposed to follow such a simple yet beautiful statement was also a contributing factor. after a moment, you parted your lips while still waiting for the right words to show themselves to you but instead, there was a loud crash of thunder.

the two of you were so mesmerized by the pair of eyes in front of you that neither of you noticed the air around you growing gray. joshua looked up towards the dark clouds with a sigh of disdain, “of course.”

you chuckled, helping him gather the napkins, paper silverware and dishes and the blanket. by some miracle, you were able to gather all of your belongings and hop in the car before the rain started falling down at an alarming rate and substance. “wasn’t michael just singing about how the sun was in the sky?”

“i guess its opposite day.” at that moment, joshua began to wonder if someone out there genuinely had it out for him. as he turned the key in the ignition, all he could hear over the raindrops clattering against his windshield was a loud sputtering noise. maybe.. maybe he was just imagining it? he tried twisting the key again, but it proved to be fruitless.

you chuckled awkwardly, “oh.. uh…”

“oh.. that’s fine!” joshua giggled sheepishly, keeping a calm presence that wasn’t alarming or unnerving in any way. there was no point taking his stress out on you when you were not the one at fault. no one was at fault, really, except maybe the man who truly believed a car that was around when dinosaurs roamed the earth could withstand another long roadtrip. after a few more tries, he gave up and pulled the key out of the ignition. “do you.. happen to have a signal?”

“out of battery?”

“yep,” he rubbed the back of his neck with an awkward grin, unable to make eye contact with you. “usually i have a portable charger but..”

“It’s okay,” you cut him off gently. “i don’t think i’ll be able to call anyone until the rain stops, but i’ve got a full battery.”

“cool. cool, cool.” joshua chuckled, trying not to upset you by showcasing his disappointment. he tried to look on the brightside and tell himself that the two of you were on an adventure, that this would be a great story to tell your friends and family when you got back, but any positive thought was quickly replaced by looming, dark ones instead. like how he wished that in possibly one of the most stressful times in his life, he wished that just one thing would go right. that he wished this getaway was as picture perfect as the last one.

“shua, you okay?”

he was alarmed by how well you seemed to have gotten at reading his countenance; especially since he thought he made great efforts to hide what he was truly feeling. he smiled immediately, nodding in reassurance. one thing he was not going to do was ruin the mood. “yeah, yeah i’m okay. you doing okay?”

you nodded, “yeah, i’m doing great.” you paused, hoping that you weren’t pressuring him to answer. one thing you were not going to do was pressure him into broaching a topic he wanted to avoid. so your tone grew hushed as you spoke again, “but i feel like there’s a lot more that you’re not telling me.”

joshua nodded faintly in understanding. he should have known that you would have been able to read him without any troubles, considering how long you had both known each other. “i just.. wanted this to be perfect. i know you’ve been stressed lately and well, i’ve been stressed lately so i thought this would be a nice, low stakes kind of trip. but.. I guess not.” he ended his thought with a light hearted chuckle and shrug of his shoulders.

you stayed quiet for a moment, focusing on the sleeve of his jacket while pondering his words. he had put so much effort in both of these road trips and you knew his heart was in the right place. frankly, you couldn’t care less if you didn’t get your chai lattes or if your picnic lasted about ten minutes or you might not make it to the hotel.

what mattered was that joshua was there with you through it all. and through it all, he kept an adorable smile and a cheerful attitude. when your gaze shifted to the windshield, raindrops hitting the glass in record time by now, you were reminded of another song that you added to the now unattainable mixtape.

and suddenly, you got an idea.

opening up spotify, you searched through taylor swift’s discography until you found the song that you thought was perfectly fitting for the moment: fearless. you knew it was a long shot but you pressed play and turned the volume all the way up before placing your phone in your jacket pocket, where it would be shielded from the rain. then, you stepped out into the downpour.

joshua furrowed his eyebrows out of worry but perked up once he saw you motion to follow in your footsteps. just as he slammed the door shut, he could have sworn he heard the lyrics very faintly, even if they were muffled by the rainfall. ‘and you know i want to ask you to dance right there…’

you took both of joshua’s hands in yours and twirled in three or four circles, giggling the entire time. both of you tilted your heads back, feeling the cold rain against your face. it was beautiful, soothing.. unconventional, maybe, but it was perfect. once the two of you stood upright, you took it a step further.

it was just like clockwork, the way his arms fell gracefully around your waist after yours were linked around his neck. you’d hugged him several times before, you knew of his warmth- but things felt different today. the two of you swayed to the upbeat melody with stupid, giddy smiles. neither of you said a word as the rain started falling faster and harder, the lyrics inaudible at this point.

but that didn’t stop either of you.

suddenly, joshua removed one of your hands from his neck and laced his fingers with yours. he skipped around the car with you while keeping a firm grip on your waist, guiding your movements. the two of you laughed and laughed until your ribs felt tough, until it was hard to breathe. your shoulders were hunched as you held on tighter to his shoulders, bringing yourself closer to him once he finally came to a stop.

neither of you had felt so free in a long time. for that one moment you two abandoned your inhibitions and responsibilities of the real world, everything felt perfect. even something as inconvenient as the rain was beautiful.

you remembered more of the lyrics. up until that moment, you’d never thought about how perfectly they encapsulated your feelings towards joshua. growing up with him and watching him run his free hand through his hair with a firm but gentle grip on the steering wheel, the calming and reassuring presence that he provided in your life, performing any mundane task or saying such beautiful things with such a casual tone.

absentmindedly making me want you.

he really didn’t have to do too much to be the perfect man, did he?

ignoring the nagging thought in the back of your mind about how cliché your actions were, you captured his lips in a gentle, chaste kiss as the rain fell harder around you. you hoped that it would properly communicate to him your true intentions and feelings while words were momentarily lost to you.

joshua, meanwhile, felt as if he was on cloud nine. maybe this trip didn’t go according to plan, maybe there were bumps along the road- but this trip had one thing the one from years before didn’t.

[oureuphoria]

The Battle — JJK

⟿ Note: Hiii!! I know it’s been forever since I’ve posted on this account, and I am very sorry! I’m in uni now and my writing has improved (in my opinion) drastically, so I’m very excited to return bc I love posting here. To kick off the new era, I’m sharing a small fic I’ve worked on recently. I really hope you like it.

⟿ Synopsis: Your relationship with Jungkook has been strained for far too long and you’ve decided to do something about it.

⟿ Genre: Just angst, sorry </3 but possible part two!!

⟿ Pairing: Idol!Jungkook x Reader

⟿ Word count: 1,387

“Jungkook.” You called out to your boyfriend the second you heard the door to his apartment open. You were supposed to hang out together, you’d been waiting for him for over 40 minutes.

“Yes, babe?” From his sing-song voice, you could tell he was tipsy.

“We need to talk.” You were aiming for a serious, sobering tone, but it appeared nothing could dull his vibe when he got it going,

“‘Course, love. Not now though, I’m busy. Just getting changed and heading out with the boys.”

“But you said we’d have tonight together.”

“I know baby, but we always celebrate big wins together. You know you’re welcome to join us.” Jungkook knew very well that you were still really nervous around his bandmates. You specifically asked for some time alone.

“But we need to talk and it can’t wait.” Your voice was unwavering, but you could feel the resolve you’d spent so long building up begin to slip away.

It was hard to fight with Jungkook. It was harder when he didn’t fight with you.

“What? Are you okay?” His voice resonated throughout the apartment from your bedroom to where you were sitting in the living room.

“No, Jungkook. I’m not.” There was a moment of silence.

“What’s wrong, are you sick?” His head peaked out from the room, harbouring slight concern on his otherwise bright face.

“No, it’s about us.” You averted eye contact, unable to watch the happiness drain from his face.

“That can wait.” He went back into the room, and you could feel your frustration return.

“I’ve been waiting, but you’re always busy and I can’t wait anymore.”

“Can I not have one night? One night where you’re not on my ass about everything?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Y/N, we fight every week.”

“And I want to talk about it.” He came out of the room, fully dressed in his favourite jeans and a tight black turtleneck sweater. A month ago, this would’ve been the part where you joked about him looking like that one picture of The Rock. Now it just made you wonder how many people would throw themselves at him, and just how many he’d reject before he’d finally realise you might not be worth the trouble.

“No, see you say you want to talk and then it turns into you making me feel like shit for living my life.” Jungkook continued arguing with you while pacing around the apartment looking for his keys, his wallet, his sunglasses.

“That’s not my intention.” You stood up from your seat on the couch, but he continued to avoid looking at you.

“Your intention doesn’t matter, your actions do. And right now, I’d really love it if you didn’t start a fight.”

“Fine, if that’s what you really want.”

“Great. I’ll see you later.”

You sighed. “You won’t.”

“Stop with the dramatics, Y/N.”

“No dramatics, I’m done. We’re done.” You weren’t sure how you managed to get the words out, considering the fact that they felt like shards of glass dragging across your tongue.

“Seriously?” He looked at you, one hand on the door knob, the other by his side.

You thought about taking it back for way too long, and when you said nothing, he shook his head, letting out a sardonic chuckle.

“Alright, Y/N. We’re done.” And with those parting words, he was out the door.

You sat back down on his couch. Tears were flooding your eyes, and you could feel the pressure on your chest, affirming the end you saw coming but tried so hard to avoid.

You could have continued begging for a morsel of his time to work things out, but as he said, he viewed any and all criticism as an infringement on his right to party and celebrate his success.

You were the same age, but you lived vastly different lives and you had no idea how to reconcile the gap between the Jungkook who loved you, and the Jungkook who was in the public eye. There was only one you. You didn’t have a second life, and that was what made it so hard to relate to him.

He didn’t even want to try.

You wiped away your tears, grabbing your coat and bag from the armchair. You had one arm through the sleeves when the door opened again.

For the split second that you heard the keypad beep and the door’s hinges creak, you allowed yourself to be filled with hope. He came back, and in that moment you let yourself believe that it was for you. That he’d tell you he can’t live without you, and whatever there was going on between you two, he’d be willing to fix it.

But you and him hadn’t felt partners in so long, and the problems you used to tackle together, as an inseparable unit, began to feel like termites eating through the foundation of your trust.

“Oh, you’re still here.” His voice didn’t sound remorseful. It didn’t sound like the voice of a man who was prepared to lay the ugliest parts of your relationship bare so that you could work through them. He sounded indifferent.

“Yeah sorry, I was just leaving.” You quickly shrugged the coat on properly, grabbing your bag and hastily rushing toward the door, but Jungkook was blocking the doorway, and he didn’t move away when you approached. “Um, Jungkook, you’re kind of in the way.” You tried your absolute hardest to keep your voice level and your tears at bay, but the longer he stood there the harder it was.

“I am, aren’t I?” His tone was so hard to read, you had no idea how to respond. “I’m always in your way, Y/N. And a better man would let you go, but I can’t.”

Before you could grasp onto his words, he grasped onto you. Jungkook wrapped you into a tight hug.

“Don’t do this, Jungkook. Please.”

“I don’t know what to do, Y/N. I feel so guilty, all the time. I don’t know how it fix it, so I go out, and I get wasted and I convince myself you’re happier without me.” He sounded so vulnerable, so bare, and for a moment you saw your pain reflected in his.

How could you fix it? There was only so much turbulence a relationship could take, and the strain on your own mental health was beginning to feel like less of a side-effect and more like a direct bi-product.

Sometimes, the best way to get rid of termites is to burn it all down and pray you have the strength to rebuild.

You weren’t sure of much, but you were sure that you weren’t strong enough to rebuild.

“I’m not happier without you, Jungkook. But lately I haven’t been feeling happier with you either. I love you, you know that, but I can’t keep pretending like it doesn’t hurt me when you pretend I don’t exist. And I know the only other option is to go public, but I don’t think I could cope with that kind of attention.”

“I could say I’m in a relationship and we could keep your identity secret. I’ve seen other idols do that.”

“Idols much less famous than you, Jungkook. Its unfair of me to expect you to carry the burden of the negative attention you’d inevitably get.”

“What are you saying?”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough. And I can’t watch as we tear ourselves apart trying to make each other feel better.”

“Y/N, I don’t know how to do this without you.”

“Me neither, but I think we have a much better chance of figuring out how to live apart than together, don’t you?”

“I— I could take a break from the group until we figure this out.”

“You’d resent me for it.”

“You can’t give up on us just like that?”

“You gave up a long time ago, Jungkook.” There was no hostility in your voice, so Jungkook knew you weren’t trying to hurt him with that remark. In fact, the sincerity of what you’d said, and the tears that began to flood your eyes and his, told him you might just be right.

So, without another word, Jungkook moved out of the doorway and watched as you gave him a tight-lipped smile before walking away.

[3terna15unshin3]

desperately need a blurb about matty showing este one of the (many) songs he wrote about her, maybe it’s the first one he writes for her! But he’s all nervous and she’s in shock all like “it’s about me??” And bc of her love for literature she’s like delving into the lyrics and falling in love with him and his mind all over again!!!!! could be cute!

Who Else?

a/n: cj!! suuuuch a cute concept thank u for the request💌 it’s kinda implied in the fic that Then Because She Goes is the first song he writes about Este but because it’s so lofty and the lyrics are so buried and vague, i thought it might be more fun to focus on a different (underrated imo) one :))) i hope u like it !!!!!

this another instalment of este and matty as always, read the full fic here <3

—

The first test pressing of Being Funny finally sits in Este’s excited hands. She always looks forward to spinning Matty’s work and being able to hold it physically before anyone else. Luckily, it came in a sample sleeve of what the final product would look like—unlike most test pressings that come in boring and generic packaging—so Este is able to admire and study its charming design. Matty watches, thrilled to see her reaction. 

Her eyes scan over the sleeves with the lyrics printed over them, picking out her favourites and smiling when she reads them. Knowing how truly earnest Matty had decided to be with his lyrics on this project, she can’t help but blush at the overtly romantic phrases and the fact that they could have been written with her in mind. 

“So who’s this one about?” Este poses sarcastically, pointing at All I Need To Hear and giggling in the process. She watches Matty lightly roll his eyes and the corners of his mouth pin up into a grin. 

“George, actually,” He jokes. 

He’s only just lowered the needle onto the black vinyl, so a couple of seconds afterwards, the two of them hear the telltale piano chords of the opening track. Matty steps back to let it play, taking a seat in the chair that sat next to their sofa. Este follows suit and lightly settles onto his lap, lyric sleeve still in hand. 

“Shut up,” she replies, continuing to read away. “I actually can’t think about that song too hard or else I’ll, like, fully weep.”

Matty chuckles, pulling her legs to the left so they dangle off the side and so he can see her face. He sets his arm across her thighs to hold her tight and clasps his hands together around her waist. 

“I mean every word, you know.” He says quietly. 

Este feels her nose get fizzy with emotion as she reads more of the lyrics. 

'Cause I don't need music in my ears

I don't need the crowds and the cheers

Oh, just tell me you love me

'Cause that's all that I need to hear

She thought about how punctuated by music Matty’s life had been; how it was the only way he can make sense of the world. How deeply it made him feel and know himself. And how it brought him the most important connection he’s built—his audience and the mark he’s left on them. 

Then, her mind wandered to the way he somehow unabashedly declares that her love is set above all of that; through the song. It’s the ultimate exclamation of love and devotion.

He wrote that about you, Este thinks to herself. Her nose goes fizzy again. She blinks away the tears that rise. 

Her fingers find their way around the nape of Matty’s neck, and she caresses the skin there gently. “I’m serious, love. I’ll snot on you.” Este warns. 

They laugh together for a second, then hear the record switch over to Happiness. Matty studies the way her foot begins tapping to the beat and how her lips move ever so slightly, to mouth the words to herself. 

“God, this is the best song ever,” Este gushes as the needle scraping along the vinyl helps remind her of how much she loves it. He shrugs, raising his heel along to the song making her bounce up and down. She laughed at how nonchalant he was attempting to be. “Don’t be humble. It is.”

He looks at the floor and then up at her. “Another one written about you.” He says, kissing her shoulder.

She looks down at him, setting down the record sleeve. “Would you really go blind just to see me?”

Matty nods slightly. The brown in his eyes glows with admiration. “I’d go too far just to have you near, too,” he teases. 

There’s a shyness in his voice that Este can hear buried beneath the light sarcasm. It makes her heart flutter while Waughy’s saxophone blares through the speakers with charisma.

“Do you always think about me when writing love songs?”

It’s a question she ponders quite often. She’s not sure why she does; but she struggles to conceptualise being the subject of art she loves so dearly. Though Este can tell it’s second nature to him. 

“Course. Who else?” Matty answers, like it’s obvious, because it is. 

Este shrugs. “I don’t know. Maybe the ones before me.” 

“Can’t even remember their names, now that you’ve come along.” He says casually. 

As they continue to listen, Este eventually gets up to flip it to the next side. But as she does, the conversation they share reminds her of one of the first times Matty admitted to writing about her, and how precious it was. 

Este has a clear memory of Matty being on tour in 2019 and sending her messages about Then Because She Goes, when it was a work in progress. She thinks it was easier for him to hint and imply the lyrics were about her—how their times together felt so indulgent even though the pain of parting ways came along with that—because he didn’t have to do it to her face. He had sent her voice memos of it while he was halfway across the world and Este witnessed the song grow from an idea to a fully fleshed moment of splendour on the record. It was such a special experience.

But, when she managed to learn that there was more (quite a few more, Matty would later reveal) on Notes that had an undertone of Este-ness, his admittance was much more timid. 

It was after the release of the album was pushed back a few times, a period of time she would frequently find Matty hunched over his laptop screen with stress. The final touches of mixing and mastering were occurring. Track by track, things were being perfected, and Este grew more and more eager to hear the project as a whole.

Finally, Matty asked her to join him for a front-to-back listen-through of the album. They sat down together and shared his pair of Airpods, the left for him and the right for her, and pressed play on his files.

Because of its sporadic final weeks of creation, there were some songs that sounded different to when Este had first heard them, and even a few she hadn’t heard at all. One that was new to her had been a last minute addition that George composed of a rogue idea sitting in Matty’s notes app. It ended up being a favourite of hers.

“You hadn’t shown me Bagsy Not In Net,” Este pointed out when the album was over and she had spilled enough praise.

“We made it so spontaneously. Towards the end. I guess it just never came up,” he explained, picking at the skin on his fingers. “Do you like it? I really like it.”

She furiously nodded. “That’s why I brought it up. It really stood out to me.”

Matty clicked randomly around on his laptop and refused to meet her eyes as he said, “I’m glad Bagsy stands out. I was nervous you wouldn’t like it.”

Este’s brows furrowed.

“Since when do you care about whether anyone likes your work besides you?” She said playfully.

“Are you kidding?! I always care about you liking my—”

Este giggled, putting her finger over his lips to muffle his sentence and end it abruptly. “Okay, okay. You do care. But I feel like you’re never nervous. Like, with every other song—”

“I was nervous because Bagsy Not In Net is about wanting to die with you.” 

Her mouth remained agape as Matty interrupted. It came out of his mouth with impulse and haste as if it had been sitting behind his teeth begging to be heard. 

All the while, his eyes stayed glued to his laptop screen. He was afraid of it being too bold of a concept, or that she wouldn’t feel the same way—given the fact that it had barely been three months since they’d gotten back together. It was easy as ever to write about her and send her little messages through a screen that hinted at him doing so; but having Este’s real and living gaze burn into his face while admitting something so raw was not the walk in the park he hoped it would be. His heart began racing, and he didn’t know when it would stop.

“It’s about me? Are you sure?” Este spluttered. 

Matty eventually peeled his eyes away and met hers. 

“Who else?”

Later, after a long night, the two of them whispered quiet words to one another in bed before turning over and shutting their eyes. Este had another idea, though, and turned her phone back on. She slipped on her headphones, and opened the audio file sitting in her notes. 

Este begged Matty to Airdrop a copy of Bagsy Not In Net over to her so that she could listen to it again. Sure, she was addicted to the charming orchestral introduction and how it pulsated alongside the beat as the song progressed. But really she was just desperate to hear the lyrics again.

She closed her eyes as she listened, taking in each word.

This feeling, it's something when you call me

I'm dealing in death and being lonely

Try it, don't like it

And leaving you here is the thing that I fear, so I fight it

Her heart panged at the idea of Matty being afraid of the end. Then Because She Goes was almost an anthem of hope, or of reassurance, that their time apart would at least be temporary. But this—these lyrics—hit Este in such a different way. It was desperate and stark and honest. Matty was begging for her to agree that they were all or nothing. That even death is something they ought to do as a pair. Este couldn’t possibly make sense of how huge the sentiment was, and how beautifully it came together with the instrumental. 

The song looped a couple of times before she finally pressed pause. Este shrugged the headphones off of her head and set them back onto her bedside table. The noise of her headphones made Matty open his eyes, realising that she was still awake.

Her back was turned to him, so he peered over her shoulder to see the glowing screen of her phone. He watched Este open the notes app on her phone, and slowly type, “Do you want to leave at the same time?” into a new file. He sleepily smiled. 

She didn’t label it, or type anything further. Copying the line heard over and over in her new favourite song was the only objective. She was hoping that making note of it would help her remember it forever, even though she probably would anyway.

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today i'm musing about connections and how they are often synonymous with our opportunities, our ability to survive, and our thoughts- therefor changing who we are and who will become. Also coin metaphors 🪙

Last Tuesday out of the blue one of my partners was laid off, he started a new job two days later because he knows people who work at a cabinet mill. 🙏

My family made the most healing ratatouille that we ate off of all weekend because someone I know from work had too many eggplants. 🍆📈

We got our house thanks to the efforts of a friend with a real-estate license. I got the contact info for my current therapist from a girlfriend. I have a song stuck in my head from a child I work with and I pick up catchphrases from people on tv and I know how to do pushups for the 1st time in my life bc an online friend taught me how. 🔥💪

Its fun and frightening to think about- that we are obelisks of pennies created from every person that gave us their two cents 🪙🪙

If every trait, thought, inclination, or idea of yours was a coin- which of your coins are old, passed down through the generations until they were shuffled into your hands? Which are invaluable? Like my dads tendency to accept things (like my gayness and transness and polyness) as long as no one is getting hurt, which I know he got from my grandfather ❤️. Which coins are a burden you dont know how to get rid of? Like my mother's propensity to say "It could be worse, think of__ (children in Africa, Houseless folk, etc)" which has become my tendency to minimize my own experiences and neglect to give myself breaks 🫠. Which coins did you find on the sidewalk and which sit with you in your car? Which are made of metals you're allergic to? Which are tarnished and scratched but still good? Which coins of yours are most valuable to you? 🎐

There are so many times in my life where I felt like I couldn't get a leg up, and the only way I got through was stacking pennies, adding up my connections and the ghosts of connections past to try to escape the pit..

With that in mind I want to take a moment to shout out the change (🥁) that others have gifted me with recently, cuz boy buddy have I needed to stack pennies lately, but have been so blessed to have so many new coins.

Thanks @sableglass, the fire you put into the world ignited action into me. I spent a year lamenting the loss of a job until your 'fuck it we ball' attitude inspired me to get resolved about that 🤽‍♂️. I got a job offer today. You helped me get here.

Thanks @the-golden-comet , you were one of the first writblr blogs I came across. You shaped my idea of tumblr to be something positive and uplifting during a very hard time for me 🫂. Your stories are so free and wild (🐳💦) and wonderful that they changed my outlook on being a writer and that what im 'allowed' to put in a story is anything but a limiting factor. You taught me that the course of a day can be changed with a simple frog gif and that you dont necessarily need to know someone to know how much they care. 🐸💕

Thanks to @tragedycoded for DMLS and @words-after-midnight for Libaw. Yall write the mentalscape of various conditions so well that im taking better care of myself 🧠🌿. I'm more proud of the work I've put into myself. And i'm becoming proud of the person I could have become but didn't.

Thank you to @lychhiker-writes for being my first homie on tumblr and for letting me vent my various frustrations into your dms 😏😅, and for being a brave and honest alpha reader for 7C.

Thank you @wyked-ao3 and @cowboybrunch and @gioiaalbanoart for being such great cheerleaders for my writing 😭💕 seeing yall connect and feel your feelings in my comments gives me so much hope and happiness and I honesty dont thank yall enough. I finally finished ch8 (no, really, check the doc 👀) and your encouragement helped me really embrace Seeker, who I used to think was too boring, and get that chapter finished 🏁.

There are so many others and I'm sorry for not naming them all 🙏 but if I have read your work, thank you. If I follow you or you follow me, thank you. If we have ever bonked together in a discord chat like two wayward beyblades 💞- *Thank You*

Today, I feel like I'm finally out of the pit, and it's thanks to the random 2 cents and spare change yall have gifted me. Your influence is priceless. 🥰💰

(Still no taglist for Monday posts yet, hmu if you'd like to be on it!)

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

AAAAA i REALLY loved 'to the other side' !! i havent read much of your works (i'd like to read more when i have time, especially of rollo hehe) but WOW its so good 😭 the writing style (?) is very fun to read and its like every sentence has an impact on the fic (like it gets better with each sentence?)

the doctor diagnosis part was amusing too! i recently rewatched pinocchio bc of twst and it was a really fun scene to watch~ (this is. completely unrelated but i was surprised at just how many similarities there were between fellow and honest john like phrases or clothing details)

anyway! the point is that i really enjoyed the fic and as someone who is doing writing more (bc of school TT) i find you inspirational,, i also see some of ur other posts on my dash and reading your opinions and thoughts about things is very interesting!

that is all! thank you!

call me pinocchio the way fellow could effortlessly convince me to come to playful land idc if i get scammed he's SO fine-

[Referencing this fic!]

WEH 😭 I’m glad you liked To the Other Side so much!! I hope you get the chance to read my other stuff!! (I recently counted, and I’ve written over 2400 pieces, whether short interactions or long full-fledged fics, for TWST now…) The Rollo interactions have been some of my favorites to do, I’m very happy with those ^^

chisvsjekd You had fun reading the fic? 😌 Then Fellow’s UM must be working on you… Watch out, he’s gonna nab ya for Playful Land— When writing, I tried to capture the essence of crescendoing music from the songs The Greatest Show and The Other Side. They both start soft and progressively grow louder until BOOM there’s an explosion of sound and spectacle. I wanted my fic to invoke a similar feeling, even when it’s just the characters standing around and talking.

I actually haven’t gotten around to watching Disney’s Pinocchio in myself so I had ZERO context going in who Honest John and Gideon were. I referenced some clips of them on Youtube to help me visualize their mannerisms and then superimpose them over Fellow’s and Gidel’s. (It makes sense, given that Fellow and Gidel are twisted from those two!) That’s how I came across the diagnosis scene. I thought it fit so well with Rollo’s Forever Alone and Mad About It personality, so incorporating the diagnosis scene in was so easy to do!

Good luck with your own writing!! I hope you’ll continue to hang out here and enjoy reading my stuff in your free time.

Ah. Fellowife spotted 😂

[ladyazurith]

Hi! How are you? I saw the story giveaway you’re doing and thought I’d like to enter!

I’m a vil lover first and foremost lol, he’s my special little guy, and my biggest gripe is that. Not that many people can actually write him well imo? Like! They don’t do him Justice! They fall for the facade!!! They have fallen into the trap and it’s actually smth that happens to Carter’s character a lot too!!I wanted to try my own hand but kept on getting lost amongst bee hyperfixations so they’ve been put on hold. And then I saw this!!!!!

CaterVil is actually a newer ship for me, and I’ve never read any fics before but it was while I was perusing the tags that I came across ur blog. Gonna read your fics next lol but I thought I’d jump on the fic giveaway first lest I forget.

Anyways, my prompt was vil working on the music aspect of his career—(pop star vil lives in my head rent free I truly believe this man is triple threat material, I mean absolutely beautiful?? Come ON!!but if u don’t wanna explore that part, than maybe he’s trying for a role of some hero in a movie musical? Or smth idk) and he’s trying to write some original love songs, but he’s struggling cause he wants it to be authentic but he’s never BEEN in love before tho he’s played at it convincingly. So he asks cater for help writing a song. And cater HAS love songs ABOUT vil. And it’s ironic bc like vil knows caters got these love songs and they’re so raw and real but at the same time believes caters feelings for him are fake. When he finds out these songs are abt him oh my GODDDDDD. Culminates in vil succeeding at writing love songs. And they’re abt CATER.

Yeah okay I was listening to I want to write you a song by 1D when I was struck by this 😭😭😭

I feel kind of lucky in a way myself. I just made my random selection by Dice Roll and you were the winner. I had several different entries but not many with my favorite ship. Since you posted this anonymously; and I have no way to know who actually sent me this, I will go ahead and post the story publicly on Ao3 tagged as the contest winner, with a link to Tumblr. I hope you enjoy it Anon.

[daechwitatamic]

Yes, he was WILD! Too many amazing moments to count. Seesaw acoustic version with the signed guitar killed me. There was a sweet moment where he noticed an army's birthday sign in the crowd and had us all sing for her (after saying huh? trying to hear her name about 5x) Wbu now that you've had time to process??

And then it was just so fun to be around everyone going bonkers! Someone gave me a little Agust D themed goodie bag, just cuz. There was a teenage girl with her mom next to me absolutely shrieking at the top of her lungs for two solid hours who apologized repeatedly for blowing out my ear drums. And I did not mind at all, because BTS creates such a special space for us and normal decorum does not apply! And then I've already seen so many people on Tumblr post about being there too and it makes my heart warm, I wish I could've met them all irl

Our seats were pretty good, we were in the upper bowl on the right side of the stage and he came over our way a lot! I hadn't been to the Kia Forum before that, but it's a pretty small venue (at least compared to enormous SoFi next door) so truly felt like there was not a bad seat in the house. I can't wait until 2025/2026 for another concert so here's keeping our fingers crossed we get a tour from someone else before they leave.

I will definitely keep you updated on my thoughts on the book, I have a bunch of travel coming up so will have lots of time for plane reading! I already have my Taetae bookmark tucked in it, ready to go.

🌴

My highlights were:

the ENERGY of the crowd when he started Daechwita. like. i had a moment where i was like fuck i love us :') getting to scream that along with the entire prudential center was incredible

the POUT on his lil FACE when his guitar string broke!!!

finding Jimin straight across the arena from me, and Yoongi telling us to pay attention to HIM :') trolls. i love them.

the crowd singing along to Amygdala went SO HARD and it was only a week after release and i just hope he felt our love and understanding echoing back at him aufshakuhfuiwahf BYE

getting to see nevermind performed bc i honestly thought i never would bc that era ended before i was army and it is THEEEEEEEEEEEEE jo song of all jo songs.

i got a ton of goodies when i was in line too! the best was the AMAZING keychain, i'll have to post a photo and see if i can get the artist's @ out of my bag.

i also met up with several moots that weekend and that was WONDERFUL and i loved it :')

i loooooooove that taetae is gonna keep you company through fifth season!!!!!!!!! when you finish i'll tell you about my crossover idea >:)

have a great weekend my friend <3

[preeningpisces]

ENFP/ENTP, 7w6 I think??? I get wildly different results everytime I take that test lmao

Leo Sun, Pisces Moon, Scorpio Rising

Currently Reading (and hating): The Fisherman

Currently Watching: Interview With The Vampire

Currently Playing: Overwatch (I’m disappointed in me too)

Current Favorite Song: Run & NFWMB - Hozier

Some fun facts:

Played piano for 13 years, but haven’t played since like 2020 bc I don’t have a piano

Epileptic - I come with a vibrate mode

I go insane over astrology - pls talk to me about it I’ll piss myself

I have older parents so I like a lot of old movies/music

In a bookclub!

☼ My Pisces moon is in the 3rd house, which rules writing, so I thought it was perfect to theme the blog around :3

☼ I love love love horror books and video games, and hope to reflect my love for darker themes in writing once I gain more confidence. I'm kind of a wuss when it comes to movies but I'm slowly working my way through them

☼ I only recently came across the term Yumejoshi & the self-ship community, even though it’s something I’ve done as long as I can remember, so I’m exploring that! I don’t take it very seriously tho I’m gonna be real. It’s just fun for me

Things that inspire me: Cosmic horror! Soulsborne/Elden Ring, Fear and Hunger, Dye - Fantasy, Beserk, gothic romance, music, dreams pretty often tbh

An Assortment of Faves

Anime: Mushi Shi!!! My fave of all time. FMAB, Nana, Chainsaw Man, Mononoke, Count of Monte Cristo, Kami-Sama Kiss, Soul Eater, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Gekken Shojo Nozaki-Kun, Ouran Highschool Hostclub

Manga: Tokyo Ghoul, Blood on the Tracks, Dorohedoro

TV shows: Fleabag, BoJack Horseman, Hannibal, Midnight Mass, Interview with the Vampire, Avatar, Gravity Falls, What We Do in the Shadows, Bobs Burgers, Face Off, Drag Race

Books: Between Two Fires, Migrations, The Haar, Misery, The Seed, Edgar Allen Poe, Lovecraft

Video Games: Skyrim, Wolf Among Us, Dragon Age, Soulsborne / Elden Ring, Fear and Hunger, Sims, Overwatch (rip), Animal Crossing, Baldur's Gate 3, way too many indie horror games to list here but I’ll list Kohlat

Movies: Amadeus, The Ritual, Babe, As Above So Below, Bride and Prejudice, Interview with the Vampire, The Princess Bride, Arsenic and Old Lace, Song of the Sea, Hunchback of Notre Dame, Hercules, Prince of Egypt, Origin, Howl’s Moving Castle, Nausicaa, Princess Mononoke, Room with a View, Scream, Most Detective Poirot movies

Music: Cosmo Sheldrake, Mrs. Piss, Dance Gavin Dance, Hozier, Doja Cat, Sza, Slipknot, Heart, Credence Clearwater Revival, Queen, EXO, Fuji Kaze, Herb Alpert, Ethel Cain, Julie

Art Creds:

Middle | Right

[writefightandflightclub]

LUNAAAAA you've got me schreeching at how good ch2 of ride or die is!! Just like the first chapter, this is so special to me!!!

I really love the continued friendship with Frankie, it feels like they are sincerely friends and we can see why.

Absolutely adore the way the complicated emotions of heartbreak are explored. Wanting to deny that you've caused someone else heartbreak bc even if you are the one who ended things you never wanted to hurt the other person, that pit-in-the-stomach realisation that you've broken your own heart, on one hand hating the idea of someone you care so deeply for is unhappy but at the same time their happiness feels like a knife in your soul, the dichotomy of wanting to be with someone that you also cannot bear to face, trying to hide what you are feeling when it is the only thing you can think about... the messy tension and realism of it all has my heart in knots, in the best way!!

Tom is a jerk and deserved some smack-talk, but I really like the reflection that he wasn't necessarily the best target at that moment, that the real anger came from a different source, but in moments like that you do really just want to get the attention away from you. Again, the complexity of emotions and realism in this story makes the pining and yearning and sadness al the more delicious.

I did NOT think Frankie was gonna say Santi has a heartbreak playlist and I want to know what songs are there so bad. This might actually be my favourite detail from the chapter.

Lastly that ending???? You have me beyoooond hooked

Hi darling, and thank you so much for this wonderful ask! 🧡😊

I love that you love the friendship with Frankie. He definitely sticks around through the story and is pretty integral at times. I’m so pleased to hear that friendship feels genuine, as that felt really important for me to convey!

And oh gosh, the complex emotions! I’m so happy all those nuances came across and added to the realism!!! 🥹🧡🙏 They are both feeling SO much, and I really hoped the emotional arc would come across as plausible and true to the characters and who they are and what they want in all of their messy humanness (we’ll see if I pull that off as the story pans out, lol!)!

Ah and thank you for picking up on that Tom moment! Even though they feature to varying degrees, I really did put a lot of thought into how to deal with each of the side characters, especially according to what they are all dealing with pre-canon (which is a LOT), and what their dynamic with reader might be. I wanted reader and Tom to butt heads a little, but I also wanted to humanise him and have her acknowledge when that’s a little problematic too. It would be too easy to make him The Bad Guy when I don’t feel that’s what he is in this story. Plus, they are friends. (As well, this is all set pre-canon so we don’t have as many reasons to be pissed with him yet! 🤣)

And OOOOHH the playlist!!! Well, you are in luck, because I do plan to share a bonus playlist sometime after the story’s conclusion 👀 So happy you enjoyed that detail!

And the ending. I really left you hanging there, huh?! 😅 I think/hope you’ll enjoy the next instalment.

Thank you so much for blessing me with your commentary, it honestly makes me SO happy! 🧡😊🙏

[renegadeontherunn]

happiness by taylor swift is a disaster lineage song, sorry I don’t make the rules

okay so yes I should be writing or doing homework instead of making this extremely rambly, slightly incoherent post but it’s friday so I’m vibing and you lovely people get to join me!

this is the ultimate star wars grief song for our tcw trio and I see it in three different contexts:

Ahsoka’s POV to Anakin, Obi-Wan, and the Order after she leaves in the season 5 finale

Ahsoka & Rex during/after Order 66

Obi-Wan & Ahsoka to Vader (Obi-Wan on Tatooine and (REBELS SPOILERS) Ahsoka after her duel with him in The Twilight of the Apprentice—for reference, I’ve only seen parts of Rebels so if some of that stuff is inaccurate, let me know!)

so we go . . .

honey when I’m above the trees / I see this for what it is

on a ship, in the Force, in hindsight

but now I’m right down in it / all the years I’ve given / is just shit we’re dividing up / showed you all of my hiding spots

#1: Ahsoka’s years learning in the Order, being a Padawan, her dedication to the Jedi and her faith to their teachings (”the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”), all the years she’s given are just completely thrown away as soon as there’s suspicion against her (in the unfinished episodes, Anakin says “well what choice did we give her? the moment there were any suspicions about her loyalty the Council turned their back on her.”) they both share this anger about her expulsion, and Ahsoka brings it up later during the Siege of Mandalore when she says “and what? defend the Council’s actions? I hardly think I’m the best person for that.” 

#2: again, Ahsoka’s years fighting alongside the 501st, growing close with Rex and Jesse and everyone else to suddenly find them turning on her (this is before she knows about the chips, of course). she could also be feeling this in tandem with Rex—“those soldiers, my brothers, are willing to die and take you and me along with them!” all the years Rex has given in the 501st, with his brothers, fighting for the Republic, having to watch his brothers be killed and not be able to do anything, all his hardship just means nothing. their attempts to be themselves, to be unique, to not just be “another number,” were useless in the end. the “showed you all of my hiding spots” line points to the closeness and friendship that they had with each other

#3: again again, pretty self-explanatory, all the years Ahsoka and Obi-Wan have given to teaching and learning from and loving Anakin are just completely thrown away by his fall to the Dark Side and him ultimately trying to kill them. the same for the last line applies here, they were brothers, they were sister and brother, they were a family and then it was all ruined.

I was dancing when the music stopped

In each of the scenarios, they were preoccupied, in the middle of something else (the war, capturing Maul, defeating Grievous, helping Ezra, etc.) when everything stopped and collapsed. each situation was completely unexpected and each time, their worlds fell apart.

and in the disbelief / I can’t face reinvention

#1: all Ahsoka’s ever known is the Jedi, and now without them (without anyone to help her or any connections or support), she has to completely change her way of life, as well as lie or invent a new background for herself (”Skywalker Academy,” “my older brother taught me,” “I used to live on the upper levels of Coruscant,” etc.)

also—Ahsoka becomes Ashla, and then Fulcrum (reinventing herself over and over again) and Obi-Wan becomes Ben. obviously, they don’t want to have to change, and again with “in the disbelief,” each of these events was unexpected and a complete gut punch.

there’ll be happiness after you / but there was happiness because of you / both of these things can be true there is happiness / past the blood and bruise / past the curses and cries / beyond the terror in the nightfall

I don’t think this line needs any explanation, but I’ll give some anyway! In a meta-sense, the audience started Star Wars with the happiness after all three events, but especially Vader. the Original Trilogy showed the end of the Empire, the Rebellion, the happy endings of Luke, Leia, Han, etc. in-universe, both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan hold this sense of bittersweet nostalgia (because how can you not?), both with Obi-Wan training/looking after Luke and Ahsoka joining the Rebellion and helping the characters in Rebels. they’re both trying to ensure happiness after Anakin. 

but, of course, of course there was happiness because of Anakin, that’s what The Clone Wars shows us! we see them happy (or, at least, somewhat) in tcw, which obviously makes everything much sadder, but still. they were happy. and Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both know it—we see it explicitly with Ahsoka meditating to Anakin’s holo and reminiscing in Rebels. they found happiness and love and family in the war, where there was so much death, so much destruction, so much darkness and terror. they found each other, they found happiness anyway. this can also apply to the OT, since that trio also found family and happiness in the midst of the Empire.

it’s this inherent optimism that both Ahsoka and Obi-Wan share that Anakin doesn’t (or didn’t) that’s keeping them afloat. it’s the adherence to the light, to kindness, to compassion. 

haunted by the look in my eyes

#1: going back to our three scenarios, you could say Ahsoka was probably haunted by the look in the Council members’ eyes—especially Yoda, Plo, Obi-Wan—when they expelled her. as well as, of course, the look in Anakin’s eyes when he begs her to stay and she says no. the ending image of season 5, the last image we ever saw of tcw for years—with Anakin’s sad, wide eyes—yeah. that look.

#2: overall, this context has less to it, but I’ll still argue that the look in Rex’s eyes, in the clones’ eyes haunted both Ahsoka and Rex, probably especially Rex. or even, not seeing his brothers’ eyes and instead seeing their blasters pointed at him. their final scene, with the eyes of the helmets (Ahsoka’s eyes painted on) stuck on sticks. yeah, that definitely haunted them both.

#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both get horrifyingly clear images of Anakin’s gold eyes. Anakin’s look when he shouts “I hate you!” surely haunted Obi-Wan, as well as Anakin saying “Ahsoka” and “then you will die” with a very clear, obvious image of Anakin’s gold, scarred eye through his mask. 

that would’ve loved you for a lifetime

#1: Ahsoka was prepared to be a Jedi forever, for a lifetime

#2: Rex, more in this case, but both he and Ahsoka did and would’ve loved the clones forever. those were Rex’s brothers and it’s so clear, especially with the scene of him crying in the hangar bay, that this is killing him

#3: Obi-Wan and Ahsoka would’ve loved Anakin for a lifetime—and I’d argue they did, despite everything (”you were my brother, Anakin! I loved you!” and “my Master could never be as vile as you” and “to the best of us”)

leave it all behind

#1: sorry if this is getting repetitive, but yeah, Ahsoka left everything, her entire life, everything and everyone she’s ever known behind

#2: Rex and Ahsoka leave everything on that moon, including her lightsabers that she just got back and then had to give up a second time

#3: Obi-Wan leaves everything behind and flees to Tatooine. Ahsoka tells Ezra this—to let Kanan go, essentially leave the past behind him. And she can’t “save her Master” either. she too must let him go. 

tell me when did your winning smile / begin to look like a smirk?

this is just so Anakin slowly falling to madness and the Dark Side. Ahsoka and Obi-Wan thinking about the signs they’d missed, if there was some way they could’ve stopped it, if just one thing had been different, if they’d just noticed. trying to figure out where it all went wrong. 

when did all our lessons start to look like weapons pointed at my deepest hurt?

#1: “the values of the Jedi are sacred to me”—and then she’s expelled and told that it was part of her great trial in becoming a Knight. a foundation of the Jedi Order and its process gets turned against her.

#3: this line becomes literal—Padawan lessons, sparring, suddenly became dueling Anakin to death, for both Obi-Wan and Ahsoka

no I didn’t mean that / sorry, I can’t see facts through all of my fury

#1: you could argue that Obi-Wan is right when he said Ahsoka let her feelings cloud her judgement in leaving; that she couldn’t see the facts through the pain of being betrayed by the Council. and then, when she comes back in the Siege of Mandalore, immediately, she and Obi-Wan start arguing, and then both of them are clouded by their feelings, both feeling hurt by the other and lashing out.

#3: again, this is just so Anakin turning to the Dark Side. he obviously doesn’t realize that he’s being blinded by fury (or maybe he does and just doesn’t care, or probably, thinks that is the only way). but he is. he’s completely blinded to logic, to reality by the fury that Sidious has spent years amping up and harvesting and Anakin himself has spent years bottling.

you haven’t met the new me yet

this line is really painful if you view it from Anakin’s perspective. they both believed he was dead, but no, turns out he’s a Sith Lord, in fact the Sith Lord that’s been the Emperor’s tool in causing immense pain and destruction across the galaxy. it’s this evil, excited little line from his POV (think that ROTS comic: “please say it’s Kenobi. Lord Vader gets such a thrill from killing people who care for him”)

there’ll be happiness after me / but there was happiness because of me / both of these things I believe

again, there’s that optimism, that desire to help people, to do good in the world, and this faith that Obi-Wan and Ahsoka both have. that’s why Obi-Wan helps Luke, that’s why Ahsoka joins the Rebellion. it’s all to ensure that there will be some happiness, some light after them (and maybe a little because of them. again, see the first chorus. they were happy once, and they both know it. “we’ll be fine, as long as we stay together.”)

there is happiness / in our history / across our great divide

I see this mostly as Ahsoka and Anakin (and Obi-Wan) during season 7. there’s still a connection, of course, love and happiness between them, despite the ending that’s right on their heels, as well as the great divide of Ahsoka leaving the Order.

there is a glorious sunrise / dappled with the flickers of light

Anakin does end up returning to the Light Side and his reunion with Obi-Wan is surely like a “glorious sunrise” that ended the darkness of the past twenty+ years. the second part I just see as a fun, literal line—flickers of light are lightsabers, blaster fire, the Light Side

I can’t make it go away by making you a villain

in short, Obi-Wan and Ahsoka can’t make the pain or the past happiness go away because Anakin’s now Vader. they still both remember Anakin fondly and with love, despite his fall. they loved him, still. in ROTS, when Anakin says “from my point of view, the Jedi are evil!” Obi-Wan doesn’t say “then you are evil,” or even “you are wrong,” he says “then you are lost.” lost. as in, can be found again. not evil, not unworthy, not wrong. just lost. there’s this goodness that Anakin has that he is ignoring and straying from (”there is good in him”). and in the context of Order 66, Ahsoka can’t and doesn’t make the clones villains because she knows they’re actually the victims. as much pain as it causes, they’re not the villains and she can’t act like they are. 

so I know there’s a lot of discourse about Anakin apologists or whatever, so all I’ll say is that George Lucas has said that the prequels are to show how a “nice little kind kid, who has good intentions” turns into Darth Vader. the whole point of the PT is this line—while Anakin/Vader is no doubt the villain in the OT and in ROTS to a degree, that doesn’t make everything else go away. the other stuff doesn’t excuse what he did, all the pain he caused, but we can’t make it go away, just because he’s a villain. that’s one of the beauties of the prequels, that we get this extremely fleshed out, torn and struggling kid who ends up making all the wrong choices and becoming the terrible villain we see in the OT. 

I guess it’s the price I pay for seven years in heaven

while none of these scenarios is seven years exactly, it does continue to drive the point of “all the years I’ve given is just shit we’re dividing up.” everything these characters had, individually and with each other, just gets utterly, completely ruined. 

in a more meta-sense, the ending of The Clone Wars is the price we, the fans, pay for seven seasons of the show. 

no one teaches you what to do / when a good man hurts you / and you know you hurt him too

this could point again to Ahsoka and Anakin, but also Ahsoka and Obi-Wan after she leaves the Order. when she comes back, none of them really know what to say, what to do, how to act around each other. this obviously comes out as arguments and words that are so close to what they really want to say, but just short. they’ve all been hurt and none of them know what to do about it. 

and, of course, Obi-Wan and Anakin in ROTS. Obi-Wan doesn’t want to believe that Anakin’s fallen to the Dark Side, and later on Tatooine, knowing he’s hurt and been hurt by Anakin, doesn’t know what to do

after giving you the best I had / tell me what to give after that

again again, all the years they’ve given. all the love they had. everyone they knew & loved. gone. 

leave it all behind / and there is happiness

[alrightieaphroditie]

take the edge off | e.m. series masterlist! | next part!

pairing *:･ﾟ eddie munson x female! reader wc *:･ﾟ 3.7 k warnings *:･ﾟ mentions of drugs (weed) and talk of events that happened in s3! an *:･ﾟ ahh i have officially written my first fanfic ever!! this is very exciting for me but also makes me kinda nervous, hehe. i hope this leads to me writing many more, though, bc this shit is lowkey therapeutic. anyways, this is kind of unedited, so if any major errors jump out at you while you're reading, please let me know so that i can fix it! this is like a soft!eddie type fic bc i was just in the mood for it last night! i appreciate any and all feedback!

synopsis *:･ﾟyou're exhausted, feeling burnt out, and your neighbor won't stop practicing guitar with his amp turned as loudly as possible. you need a pick-me up, and eddie munson has just the thing.

you were desperate. at least, that seemed to be the only logical explanation you could think of as to why you were walking across the graveled road towards eddie munson's trailer late at night in your pajamas.

of course, if anyone asked max why you went over in the first place, she'd tell them that you were just asking eddie to turn down his amp. munson was notorious for practicing his guitar late at night, and most nights you and max didn't mind the background noise. in fact, on the nights where max couldn't sleep, the nights where she would cling to you while you both sat on the couch. you comfort her as much as you can while wiping her tears and running your hand through her hair softly, and you appreciated the noise then. you created a game for those nights, telling max to close her eyes, to listen to the chords he struck loudly, and guess which song he had decided that he needed to learn that week. it seemed to calm her enough, and you always made her laugh when you suggested that eddie was finally learning a david bowie song.

as if.

but tonight was not one of those nights. tonight, you had worked two shifts at the family video in town (somehow keith hired you even though your top three movies were breakfast at tiffany's, the aristocats, and the dark crystal) and then went straight to the police station, where you were helping flo sort through files and answering phone calls. max was sitting at the table in the kitchen area when you got home, multiple books and notebooks flung about the small space. the table was where the two of you had spent the last few hours as you tried helping max study for her biology exam at the end of the week. you could tell she was seconds way from ripping her hair out of her head, and you, well you were barely hanging on yourself.

working two jobs in hawkins while living at a trailer park was not what you had envisioned for yourself when you moved out a year ago to attend college. you lasted two semesters, came back home to visit your family, and then your world turned upside down. literally. a few weeks after getting settled at your old house, max confided in you that she was worried about billy. she wouldn't exactly tell you why, but you promised you'd try talking to him. you never truly cared for your stepbrother, but max, for whatever reason, had a very small soft spot in her heart for him, and you wanted to take care of your sister. he was the same asshole he'd always been when you spoke to him the next day, slamming the door in your face as he walked away in his red swim shorts and white tank top. you thought nothing more of it.

it wasn't until you got home late one night from being with your friends when you saw billy carrying bag after bag of ice to his bedroom. he looked feverish, but despite your questions, he insisted that he was fine. later that night, max ran into your bedroom, shaking and panting. she'd had a nightmare, and this was when she finally gave in and confessed to you some of the events that had happened the previous year. you learned all about eleven, a girl who had some kind of power, and the truth about what went down at the hawkins lab. it was only a matter of time before you were recruited by max's friends, and you were one of the few who knew the truth of what happened at the starcourt mall. one of the few inside the mall when the mind flayer attacked.

max had been immediately affected by the events of the night, by billy's death. she had shut down, became a shell of the person she used to be. every now and then you'd catch a glimpse of the girl she used to be, but it disappeared just as quickly as you caught it. you, on the other hand, had responded to things a little differently. after billy's death, his father left your mother. not officially declaring a divorce, but there wasn't much hope for the marriage if one spouse was in california while the other was in indiana. your mom struggled to keep her job, turning to drinking to cope with the loss of a stepson and her husband, almost forgetting that she still had two daughters to care for. you knew you couldn't go back to college after this, and so you withdrew, moved back home, and have been helping keep things afloat as much as you could. you needed to be the person max could rely on during these times, and so you kept your emotions and struggles to yourself.

usually, that wasn't an issue. you had become one of reefer rick's most reliable customers, seeking him out to buy weed whenever you could spare some of your hard-earned money. that solution worked for about half a year, and then rick got busted by the cops. you had run out of your stash a few weeks ago and were starting to see the results of not being able to smoke. your thoughts wouldn't stop running a mile a minute, and every time you closed your eyes, you saw billy. you got cranky, becoming irritated more easily, and a perpetual migraine sat at the back of your head.

on this night in particular, you had already snapped at a guest when they tried convincing you to let them take home another movie even though they already had the max out, and you shouted at officer callahan when he accidently dumped your cup of coffee out in the sink because he thought you were done with it. all you wanted to do was lay in bed and cry, but when you saw max at the table, you knew that wasn't happening any time soon. and then eddie freaking munson started to play his damn guitar when it was almost the middle of the night.

a soft march breeze flittered throughout the night, and you wrapped your oversized brown flannel around your middle as you stepped through the grass to the few stairs leading up to eddie's door. it was then that you immediately regretted coming out, only for the fact that you were wearing a tank top and shorts under the flannel. you almost turned around and went back to max, but as you started down the stairs, eddie struck a chord that made your head throb, and that was that.

"munson!" you shouted, banging a fist on the trailer door a few times. you shifted your weight, holding your flannel closed with one hand as you waited a moment before starting to knock again. "eddie!"

the incessant noise abruptly stopped and, feeling satisfied with yourself, you started to march down the wooden stairs, thinking about making some hot chocolate for you and max. you had just reached the grass when you heard the door to the trailer fling open, causing you to spin around. in the doorway stood eddie munson, wearing a white t-shirt and pair of red plaid pajama pants, leaning forward a bit as he held open the screen door. his big brown eyes found yours immediately, and you watched as a cheshire cat grin spread across his face.

"well, well, well. if it isn't miss mayfield standing at the edge of my humble abode. to what do i owe the pleasure?" he asked, moving forward on the small landing. he leaned against the doorway, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at you, the grin never leaving his face. despite the breeze, you felt your face heat with a blush.

eddie munson was no stranger to you. namely, he had quite the reputation of being a freak, what with his heavy metal band corroded coffin and his supposed satan-worshipping hellfire club. you knew the later was a nothing more than a stupid fear, though, as max's friends were all involved in the club. every time you worked with steve harrington at family video, you were subjected to listening to dustin henderson speak nothing but praises for eddie himself. and you trusted dustin, had no reason to believe otherwise. you had also gone to school with eddie, though you weren't really sure he remembered that fact. he was supposed to have graduated before you, and then with you, and now, after you. you'd even had a few classes together, but you knew he spent more time not being in class than he ever did in it, so you honestly didn't really expect him to know you. even these last few months that you've lived across from him, you've never interacted with one another. just some stolen glimpses when you're arriving home and he's leaving, or vice versa.

you must admit that you did foster a bit of a crush for him when you were in the same grade, and now, with him standing above you, gazing down at you with his brown eyes, you were starting to remember exactly why you felt that way. clearing your throat, you copied his pose, crossing your arms across your chest. "i was just coming over to ask you to turn down your amp a bit, please. max has had a rough day." you weren't completely lying to him. you really did need him to quiet down otherwise you were worried your head might genuinely explode from the migraine. however, you also knew from rick that eddie also dabbled in selling drugs, and again...you were desperate.

he studied you for a moment, the sounds of crickets chirping filling the silence, before pushing himself off the doorway. he gripped the railing of the landing between his hands, leaning forward slightly, and in the glow of the streetlights you could see the silver metal of the rings adorning his fingers. "ah, max is the one having a rough day, yeah? is that why you look like you're five seconds away from bursting into tears on my lawn?" he drawled out, cocking his head to the side as he questioned you. his accusation caused your eyes to widen, and you forced yourself to take a few deep breaths. you were not about to lose your cool in front of eddie munson.

"let's just say we've both had a rough day, then. i'm trying to help her study for her biology exam and she can't focus with all the noise coming from here." you state, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear. eddie's eyes squinted down at you, and you could see his nose scrunch as he scoffs at you.

"it's not just noise, mayfield. it's music. i'm not surprised you don't know the difference, though, considering all you do is blast bowie and fleetwood mac." you can tell by his voice that he was irritated, and you almost have to stifle a laugh. he's shaking his head slightly, his wavy hair falling around his shoulders. he sees your grin, though, and he pauses. "is something funny?" he asks, moving one of his hands up to grab a piece of his hair and twirling it in front of his face.

"you can't diss stevie nicks, eddie. that's, like, sacrilegious," you tease, your grin growing a little wider as you speak. you've always known how passionate eddie was for his music, and that was honestly something you respected him for. he wasn't afraid to simply be himself, even if this town hated him for it. eddie munson wasn't a freak, he just had unique interests that made him stand out. and in hawkins, standing out was the last thing anyone wanted to do.

eddie continues to twirl his hair around his finger for a moment before throwing his hands out wide. "oh, haven't you heard? i'm a devil worshipper, y/n. being sacrilegious is the least of my worries," he declares, taking a few dramatic steps down the stairs. he stops when he's in front of you, and you realize how much taller he is as you tilt your head back slightly to maintain eye contact. your fingers fiddle nervously with the buttons on your flannel, but you don't back down.

"devil worshipper or not, it's very childlike of you to be judging others for their taste in music just because it doesn't match your own. i'm not hating on you for playing metallica at all hours of the night, just simply asking you to turn it down a notch." you reply, suddenly wondering how the conversation strayed this way. and how he knew what music you liked to listen to. this was a mistake, you thought, maybe i should just take a bath instead of smoke tonight. with that decided, you gave eddie a small wave before starting to back trek to your trailer.

"you could tell that i was playing metallica tonight?" eddie called out at you from behind suddenly. with a sigh, you turned back around, catching him looking at you with an eyebrow raised. you couldn't help but roll your eyes. "yes, munson, i could tell it was metallica. it's their newest song, right?" you asked, putting your hands on your hips as you stood in the middle of the gravel road. you could tell that your response shocked eddie, and it made you smile. "i don't just listen to bowie and fleetwood mac, hon."

those big brown eyes of his widened, and suddenly a smile lit up his face. "there are layers to you, mayfield. i like it," he whispered while pointing a finger at you. "you know, i've actually heard a lot about you, my lady. especially from my dear friend, rick." his grin grew even bigger with his last remark, and it was your turn to look at him with a raised eyebrow. you couldn't fathom why rick would talk about you to anyone, least of all eddie munson. it wasn't like rick knew everything there was to know about you, but sometimes he would let you try out a new strain of weed he had gotten, and you never could control what slipped from your mouth then. that's why you always preferred getting high in the comfort of your own bedroom.

"and are you planning on sharing what you've heard, or are you just trying to hang it over my head?" you asked, tilting your head to the side slightly. your hair fell down your face, and eddie's eyes trailed the movement, causing your face to flush as you pushed it back. he began pacing, occasionally glancing at you before leaning against the railing of the stairs, reaching behind him to hold on to the wood.

"i'm sure it's stuff you already know," he joked, winking at you as he laughed. when eddie laughs, his whole face lights up. his eyes get bright, his smile so wide that you can see the lines around his mouth curve. it's the type of reaction that makes you want to try to get him to laugh again, even if it's at your expense. you watch as he squats down, his plaid pants tightening around his thighs as he runs a finger through the grass in front of him.

"it's mostly just the basics, i guess. you dropped outta school, picked up two jobs, started being very motherly towards your dear sister. i can only imagine how stressed out you must be. makes a man wonder how you handle it all," he tilts his head up to look at you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. you immediately understand the direction he's going with his, and it's enough to make you roll your eyes.

"eddie, if you're talking to reefer rick about me, i'm pretty sure you can imagine what i'm doing to handle my stress." your gaze is as heated as your tone, and he definitely picks up on that. he holds his hands up, frowning slightly.

"woah there, mayfield. i'm not accusing you of anything. we all need a little something now and then to take the edge off. your secret is safe with me," he tosses you another wink, and you push down the wave of butterflies it sends to your stomach. you really should be going back inside, back to max. she's probably wondering what's taking you so long. and yet for some reason, you can't seem to feel the urge to actually want to leave. surprisingly, you like talking to eddie. there's something about him that's so disarming, and there's a part of you that wants to sit on the grass next to him and talk to him until the sun rises.

you watch as he stands back up, wiping his hands off against his pants. "in fact," he continues, giving you a glance before moving to jump up the steps. "i think you could use a little something right now. you feelin' on the edge tonight, mayfield?" he asks, almost softly, gazing down at you with his big eyes. his tone is teasing, but his eyes show how genuine he is in asking that. how much he actually does care. it's his eyes that essentially bring down your walls, and you find yourself wrapping your arms around your middle and nodding slightly in response.

"just a bit," you whisper, feeling tears burn in your eyes suddenly. too many emotions were swelling up inside you, and you felt close to breaking down, which was an unexpected turn of events for you. usually, you're able to push down these feelings until max was asleep. you'd go through the motions of getting ready for bed, but instead of heading to your bedroom, you would escape outside and sit on the stairs leading up to your front door. you would cry until you simply couldn't, and then you'd tuck your knees up under your chin and hug yourself until you felt strong enough to go back inside. you always figured the night was the safest time do let go, the time when no one else would notice you breaking down. but the look in eddie's eyes have you wondering if you've had an audience some nights.

his gaze is soft, and he has the smallest of smiles on his face, more sympathetic than anything else. he holds up a finger, muttering "one second," before dipping back into his trailer. you use this time to blow out a loud sigh, wiping your eyes with the sleeves of your flannel and trying to make yourself seem like less of a mess. you can hear a few things being knocked over or dropped in the trailer, and you walk to the bottom of the stairs, concerned. "eddie?"

he bursts out of the door quickly, nearly tripping on the doorstep. his hair flies behind him as he gathers his balance. he makes his way towards the step in front of you, grinning, and when he's near you, he holds out his hand. you see a small baggie nestled in his palm, and the urge to grab it hits you hard, but you restrain yourself. in all your desperation, you forgot a key factor needed to make this a done deal - money. just yesterday you spent what you had left of your two paychecks on helping with the electric bill and getting groceries for the three of you. what little savings you had in your account was saved back for max, in case she needed anything.

looking up, you give eddie a small smile but start to shake your head. "i really appreciate the gesture, but i... i can't really afford to buy this right now. thank you, though." at your response, eddie simply laughs and reaches down to grab your wrist. he brings your hand up and drops the baggie into your own palm dramatically, curling his fingers over yours so that you’re holding it in your fist now. you watch him with furrowed eyebrows the entire time, confused.

"no charge, mayfield. knowing that i helped you get back from the edge is enough for me, alright?" he says quietly, still holding your hand within his own. the two of you stand like that, frozen in time, for a moment before his gaze lifts over your shoulder. a grin encompasses his face, and he turns his eyes back on you. "i'd ask if you wanted to come in, but it looks like someone is waiting for you back there." he nods his head in the direction of your trailer, and you turn your head to look, catching a glimpse of max in the window before the curtain closes quickly. you can't help but laugh, and when you turn back to eddie, his eyes are locked on your hand in his.

when he realizes you're looking at him, he clears his throat and drops his hand away, shoving both of his into the pockets of his flannel pants. the action makes you blush, and in a sudden act of bravery, you tilt up on your tiptoes, leaning forward to press a small kiss against eddie's cheek. "thank you, munson."  the smell of smoke and his aftershave fills your nose as you pull away, and you start to back away slowly from the landing. eddie's head turns, and he blinks slowly, almost sleepily, and gives you one of his grins. you don't even bother trying to suppress the butterflies again.

"don't be a stranger, mayfield." he calls out at you as you make your way back to your trailer. when you reach your door, you turn back around, noticing that eddie was waiting for you to make it back. giving him a small wave, you finally head back inside, hiding the little baggie within your sleeve so that max wouldn't see it. when your door is shut, you lean against it, a soft smile tugging at your lips.

if being desperate meant having more interactions with eddie munson, maybe it wasn't such a bad thing to be after all.

[sweetnsour1]

2:10

Fluff, Kaminari x g/n reader

It was a Tuesday. A normal regular as can fucking be Tuesday. And yet, there he was sprawled more than halfway across your living room. He moved down a bit for a better angle. His shirt shifted up, revealing muscles that were giving you…irregular weekday thoughts.

He hummed a song only he could hear. The wires he held in his mouth kept you from guessing which one. His hands disappeared somewhere into the depths of the media console, a smile signaling his long fingers had snapped something into place. You groaned and shifted, settling your back against the wall. No, this was an abnormal as can fucking be Tuesday.

“I like you.” The words left you without any resistance at all, sounding more like a sigh of relief than anything else. His answer was immediate.

“Yea, I totally like you too!” You frowned at the verbal reflex you’d triggered. Your eyes trailed over the slim body that showed no sign of tension or pause as he kept sorting through the nest of cords.

“No. I…like you.” This time he did pause. He shimmied down again before sitting up, careful to give his head clearance. The smooth movements were thwarted when he got yanked back down by a tangled wire.

“Yea…I…like…you…too.” His eyes stayed on the cords as he pawed at them, missing the way you grinned at his oddly feline entanglement. You shook your head, realizing he wasn’t gonna be able to decipher any hints, which really only left you with one option. You moved closer, waiting for him to free himself and sit up.

You reached out for a fistful of his favorite shirt. You wondered how many washes it had taken to get it so soft. He tilted his head at you, causing his ruffled hair to fall just out of the eyes still lacking the understanding you were now desperate to see. Then you pulled.

Your touch was gentle, unlike the many shoves and punches you’d playfully thrown his way over the years. His mouth seemed frozen, unlike the constant movement they’d have while running through the stream of consciousness he had no problem sharing with you. But his hands…his hands responded more quickly, their movements seemed so sure as they traced paths around your waist, pulling you into his lap. You left his lips, now parted in an “o”, watching from the comfort of his thighs as something other than electricity coursed through him.

“Ohhh, you…like me?” You open your mouth, ready to tease, but something about his face made you shut it. You weren’t sure if it was the contradiction of furrowed brows and wide eyes or if you were half imagining the distrust behind the gold irises, but you realized what he needed to hear.

“Yes.”

“Are you like…totally sure?” You smiled at the way his fingers pressed into your hips at the final word, revealing the desire behind the faltering question.

“Yes.” You leaned in, allowing yourself to grind against his lap as you kissed him less gently than before. This time his whole body responded to you. His lips and tongue moved across your neck and shoulders when your mouth wasn’t enough…already desperate to claim you entirely.

“Fuck, I like you too.” His confession came out broken, spaced between the hickeys he was leaving across your chest.

First time writing Kaminari :$ hope it came out okay bc he deserves it

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[cleyellow-wood]

a/n: inspired by nerves by dpr ian and today’s chan’s room bc he played dpr ian today heh. love confessions, and all that :) 

[7:23 AM]

“hi, how’re you doing?”

it comes out awful, jagged, and wrong from his mouth, and he winces saying it. you frown around your lemonade, and chan has the feeling of standing backwards on the edge of a cliff, his heels dangling precariously on nothing.

“i’m good. happy.” you humour him and it makes him smile to himself, looking into his glass of water. their pastries lay between them, untouched. he wonders if your stomach is as tumultuous is his, but his can be attributed to the fact he’s in love with you. and yours could be because of how shitty he’s been to everyone around him. “you?”

“i’m fine.”

“oh, that’s good. i worried.”

“worried? about me?”

“of course. i care about you, you know. and you’re such a hard worker. the last few weeks, you’ve been stressed, but i didn’t know how to, y’know... i thought it was best if i just stayed away.” your nails tap the glass and you look aside, searching for words. chan’s hands come fully around his own glass, and although, his throat is dry, he doesn’t think he can pick up his water without dropping it. 

“i’m sorry,” he says because it’s all he can say without saying how many times he laid awake, remembering that night he read those messages you sent him. messages he read too late, and han read right on time. how, many times, he wanted to run to you these past few weeks, only for you to have disappeared from his life as quickly as you’ve appeared in it.

you scratch at your wrist. “so, did you need something?”

and chan wants to be polite. he wants to somehow carefully segue into what he really wants to talk about like how he weaves a song together from nothing, but the panic that he’s welled up inside him since the staff had told him you already began to pack your bags to leave overtakes his tongue. 

“i heard you were leaving.”

if you’re surprised, you don’t show it. “yes. the project is over. i don’t have a reason to stay any longer.”

a stupid voice in his head wants to ask, not even for me? but chan had thrown away his chances like coins into a fountain, and now you’re sitting across from him, shifting because he is the one making you nervous.

the one person you proclaimed could never make you uncomfortable.

he wonders if you said goodbye to everyone else and avoided him on purpose. if it hurts like this, like swallowing glass, awkward and agonizing, half of him wishes he let you run away.

“i hope you had fun in korea,” he finds himself saying. “and that you come back soon. the kids and i will miss you.”

your expression flickers from its controlled neutrality, and for a moment, he sees the wistfulness in your eyes at the mention of the others. 

“it was nice meeting them. i’ll miss them, too.” unexpectedly, his eyes begin to burn at how your face softens as the memories flood your head, and chan looks down into his water, trying to fight the way his chest is clotting up.

a thousand apologies bubble up inside him, but when he tries to speak, a strange noise gets caught up in his throat and his face burns.

“sorry,” he utters.

“drink some water.”

he stares at you as you busy yourself with one of the pastries. it’s a sight he’s seen so many times before. the sun is slanting onto their table, and the sound of the early risers on the streets is nothing but a low murmur. in the winter, there’d been nothing but silence as their company. in the spring, people came with them. seungmin, or changbin. felix. hyunjin with his camera capturing an angle like it was your last and you’d be whisked away from them without a moment’s notice.

and now, this probably is the last moment, and hyunjin isn’t here.

“do you want some?” you ask, ripping the tail end of a croissant off. 

he barely remembers to say yes.

they stick to menial subjects: how’s the album coming along? the project’s done, but when will it be out? oh, the concept photos looked interesting. chan’s eyes stop burning, but he avoids looking at you. you’re not too interested in him either, your lemonade slowly disappearing between your lips, the fruit tart that had accompanied the croissant slowly reduced to nothing more than crumbs. 

he feels so incredibly tired.

“this was probably the most memorable trip i’ve ever taken,” you say suddenly, and he glances up at you, “and i’ll always look at the photos i took with a smile.”

“what was your favourite part?”

“i don’t know. i experienced so many new things. the food, lotte world.” that makes him crack a smile. you cross your arms on the table and lean forward. “the people and the music.” you hesitate, and you look from their empty plate, to him, and chan’s heart quickens at the softness there. “i fell in love here and that makes this place even more beautiful.”

his stomach cramps. he shouldn’t have eaten at all. “fell in love?”

“mhm. it might sound stupid, but i think that’s part of what makes leaving so hard.”

“you don’t have to. i heard your boss said you could take the open position in seoul.”

your smile trembles. you look out at the street. “no,” you say. “i couldn’t.”

“why not?”

“because it hurts too much to be here.” you look like you’re fighting something, and chan’s eyes begin to burn again. he clears his throat, and it does nothing but make the bruising sensation in his throat worse. “as much as i loved living here, i fell in love with someone here and i think that trumps anything else.”

instantly, chan’s brain runs through the possibilities of who it could be, and compares each one to himself. was it bambam? or yugyeom? god forbid, it’s one of the kids and chan has to fight himself to keep silent. 

it’s moments before he can speak again, and he manages to keep his tone steady. “you never told me that.”

“i know you said it’s a bad idea to fall for an idol, so i felt bad because i didn’t listen to you,” you remind weakly. “like you said, most of the time, they’re not even real. but i think the guy i fell for was real.”

“and does he know?”

“no. i don’t think so. we used to see each other a lot, but recently, i think he doesn’t like me anymore.”

“you should’ve told me. i would’ve helped you.”

“i don’t think...” you laugh shakily and sit on your hands, leaning forward. your bottom lip snags on your teeth, and chan wants to reach forward to touch your mouth. “i just don’t think he likes me.”

“why not? they’d be stupid if they didn’t.”

a chuckle. “you really think that, huh.” pained and short and soft: “chan?”

his eyes lift from your mouth to your eyes. his throat goes dry. “yes?”

“i don’t want you to worry about it, okay? it doesn’t matter anymore. i’ve sort of accepted that he doesn’t love me since he pushed me away. it’s better if i stay away.” your eyes meet his, tired. “i don’t want to distract him, you see. he has an album coming out soon, and i think it’s probably a sign that i don’t exactly fit in with his lifestyle, if you understand.”

and he understands. 

chan has never been stupid. far from it. the ground drops from underneath his feet as soon as it sinks in what exactly you’re implying. he thinks of the past three weeks, of every time he’s run to you, to find you busy with something else, talking to someone else, doing something else. there was always an excuse, and he thought you hated him. that you had wanted to meet new people, had grown sick of him. but he also knows how ungrateful he’d been. how clipped his answers were when all you were trying to do was help him on top of your own workload. 

he doesn’t know why he decided to ignore you when you were standing right there. he doesn’t know why he couldn’t work harder to just fix himself for you. he knows that you deserve better than what you’ll get from him, but he can’t help himself from chasing after you. he just can’t let someone like you—someone who chooses to stay—go. him being here, calling you until you agreed to meet him at a café, is proof of all of that.

“i should go.” you rise, and chan shoots to his feet, too. you clear your throat, grabbing your bag, and step out into the street. a car drones past, and you watch it go as he tugs at the string of his hoodie, sidling up to face you. 

they stand a foot apart, but it is a thousand yards. his heart has plummeted to his feet and he feels like he’s stepping all over it as his shoes scuff the sidewalk. you don’t look at him, hand gripping your bag tighter, and chan’s head aches at the idea of never seeing you again. of realizing too late.

you have to know. you have to know he felt the same way all this time—

“(name),” he says, and your eyes flit to him. as soon as their eyes meet, your gaze drops, and what’s left of his heart is crushed into dust. “he loves you, too. i’m sure of it.”

you frown, and not even your head turned can hide that away from him. “don’t try to be funny.”

“i know he loves you,” he promises. he reaches out slowly, and his fingers stall before they can touch your cheek. you stare at his reaching hand, before stepping back, head dipping. he swallows, fingers curling into a fist that he lets hang by his side. “he loves you more than he thought was possible.”

“you’re lying.” “why would i lie?”

“i don’t know. because you’re trying to make me feel better. because you do that.”

“i would never lie to you. please. look at me.” you don’t move, and he shuffles closer. your head jerks up to meet his gaze, and he cocks his head, leaning forward. “you distract me in the best way, and i don’t... i don’t want you to leave.”

your gaze burns. “it doesn’t feel like it. you hate me.”

“i could never hate you. i’ll prove it.” “when?” you challenge spitefully. “we’re out of time. i have to go home and present the project to the execs and receive my new assignment. i don’t have time to just... entertain you.”

“i’ll make time. i’ll carve out hours of my day for you. i’ll show you for as many days and nights as it takes to convince you that i’m in love with you. just come back as soon as you tie up your loose ends back home and i’ll make sure i apologize every single day.”

“chan.”

his heart wretches and rots as he begs, “just three days. if you don’t want to be with me after those three days, i’ll leave you alone.”

“you want me to fly across the world back here for three days for you?” you repeat, and he bites on the inside of his cheek, wincing. it’s a hard ask especially for professionals like them. chan thinks for a second you’ll step away and out of his life right then and there. after all, this is him asking for another chance—one that he himself doesn’t think is capable of existing.

he tries to come up with an adequate answer to your question in the meanwhile as if that’ll help his case. does he want you to fly across the world for him? no. no, that would be selfish and not productive on your end. chan wants you to be the most successful and happiest you can be above all else. so the question must be does he believe he can make you happy?

and the answer, in his brightest hour is yes. yes, he can, and he wants to give them a proper chance so he can prove it.

he opens his mouth to say as much, but you beat him to the punch.

“okay,” you agree. he blinks, staring at you, and your body seems to relax into your spine, your entire countenance shifting. your eyebrows draw together, and your eyes fix on him with curiosity. curiosity and sorrow. “okay.”

“okay?”

“i’ll have to figure out the vacation days i can take off,” you say. “but okay.”

“really?” his heart lurches up into his chest, lodges right underneath his larynx like an uncomfortable ball of anxious energy. “i don’t deserve this, but i promise, i’ll do my best to make this worth it for you.”

“i know you will,” you answer him softly. “i really do have to go, though, so this is goodbye.”

he shakes his head. “it doesn’t have to be.”

“then, i’ll see you later,” you propose, and he cracks a small, shaky grin as you reach out to hold his hand. his fingers curl tighter around yours instantly like you are the only thing keeping him from drifting away, and you are. he’s going to miss you more than he thought you would when he first saw you for the first time walking into their green room eighteen months ago. “make sure that guy stays in love with me.”

“as long as you don’t get over him.”

“it’s impossible, i think,” you say. “i’m in love with him, too.”

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[laughing-with-god]

The Unsaid Vow (Prologue)

Synopsis- You always knew when you weren't wanted. And the way things are going in your marriage with Jungkook, a divorce is looking more and more likely. While he's getting closer to a woman at work that you're certain he's having an affair with, you're planning your escape with your four-year-old son. However, five years of marriage did not expose you to a certain side of your husband. A side of Jungkook that only gets triggered when you try to leave and break apart your perfect 'family'.

Warnings- Yandere behavior, graphic language, violence/murder, women bashing on other women, heavily implied infidelity, bad parenting, absent father, broken family vibes, very slow buildup bc Jungkook doesn't really snap until you leave him so just give him a min lol, inexperienced author writing for a four-year-old (I never wrote for a kid before pls gimme a break), also I chose my future son's name for this fic but pls feel free to name him whatever you want :)

Slow burn Yandere Husband Jungkook

Word Count; 5.4k

Unlike the vast majority of married couples, neither you nor Jungkook donned wedding rings.

Never in your five years of marriage did you regret this decision, given it was brought upon by you and your husband’s lack of funds for fancy wedding bands at the time of your rushed marriage.

Well, you were never annoyed....until tonight, that is.

The scene before you was exceptionally intimate, so much so that you felt the instinctual need to look away in respect of the two before you.

The woman was gorgeous, effortlessly attracting all the attention the small conference room had to offer. In addition to this natural charisma spurred on by her borderline enchanting looks, her short and skin-tight red dress showed off her pleasantly curvy body. Her long, silky, and jet-black hair was pulled back into an elegant ponytail that provided a simple background for her darling features. Utterly doll-like was her face; petite, creamy in complexion with bright doe eyes and berry-pink lips.

Such a beautiful woman was currently in the arms of an equally, if not more so, attractive man.

He was tall and slender, yet not at all lanky given his sturdy build that was a testament to his strict workout regime. His olive skin was complimented with occasional tattoos, a mix of faded and fresh ink that you knew like the back of your hand despite only the tats on his hand currently showing in his crisp Valentino suit. His mid-length inky black hair was down to frame his sharp face, and indeed it was a very handsome one consisting of full eyebrows, bow-like lips, a fleshy yet impish nose, and two large, yet seemingly bottomless, raven orbs.

This man had his arms encircling the middle of the mysterious woman, her expression lifting into a light-hearted giggle as she leaned forward to whisper something in his ear.

Whatever she said must’ve been amusing to the man, given his usual stoic facade briefly melted away as he allowed a small smile at her words, his pearly round teeth peeking out for a split-second appearance.

If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought that these two were lovers.

But there was only one problem with this scene.

That was your husband, Jungkook.

And that woman in his arms was not you.

As if sensing your distress and wanting to soothe your well-founded suspicion, Jungkook pulled away from the woman and ran his gaze across the room- only stopping when he spotted you. Your spouse then gestured at you, the girl following his line of sight and landing on you and your pitiful spot by the snack table. Her joyful expression briefly dropped for a blink-and-you'll-miss-it second, but she quickly plastered on another grin and nodded. The two then strode their way over to you, barely giving you enough time to steel your nerves and muster a polite purse of the lips.

Before you knew it, the woman was right in front of you with your partner at her side instead of yours. Much to your dismay, she was only more attractive up close, and you narrowly held back a grimace as she held out a hand in introduction. You took it and shook it lifelessly.

“Hello, you must be Mrs. Jeon. I’m Sana, Jungkook’s colleague.” Even her voice was pretty, musical and light to the ears.

“H-Hi, nice to meet you but please call me Y/n.” A brief and awkward pause as Sana briefly sized you up and down. “Um, Jungkook has never mentioned you….” you trailed off, side-eyeing your husband in hopes he would intervene and add context to this random goddess he’s thrust upon you.

Jungkook gracefully took his cue and explained, “Sana transferred from another branch out of the city and has only been with us for five months. I’m her case supervisor and have been taking care of her, showing her the ropes and whatnot.”

Sana didn’t even spare you a glance as she fondly looked up at your husband, coyly biting her lip and saying in a much softer tone that could've been just for his ears only, “And he’s been really good at taking care of me.”

You didn’t consider yourself a jealous stay-at-home wife who obsessed over the tiniest details between her husband and other women, but the double meaning behind her badly-whispered comment was enough to make you splutter in disbelief. However before you could even gather up the courage to ask just what the hell ‘taking care of me’ consisted of, two new faces waltzed up and joined the conversation.

“Are you all enjoying this fabulous Christmas party?” A tall, broad-shouldered but nice-looking man asked in a tone of familiar amicability.

You thankfully smiled up at him, having met him many times before.

His name was Jin, and he was the one who got Jungkook this job.

It occurred about five years ago when you first told Jungkook that you were pregnant. Being the romantic but overall good guy that Jungkook was, he insisted that you two get married so that your child could have parents who were at least husband and wife. In addition it would also lessen the judgment in your two families, which at the time was extremely appealing to you. You had agreed to marry on one condition: after running to the courthouse you two would need to move in together in a decent apartment with a room for the nursery. But getting an apartment would mean month-to-month rent, and Jungkook’s tattooing gigs weren’t stable enough to ensure that.

Jin was originally a friend of Jungkook’s older brother, but when he heard through the grapevine about the issue, he bought Jungkook a couple of suits and offered him a job at the corporation he worked at.

Now Jungkook made more than enough money to support your little family, and it was all because Jin took a chance on a college drop-out and his knocked-up girlfriend.

You opened your mouth to respond but were cut off by the unknown lady beside Jin.

“I’d say a little too much fun if anything. Sana and Jungkook, we get that you're the infamous office couple but maybe tone it down a bit, huh?” She joked while raising her brows at the close proximity between the two.

A long and tortuous silence swept the scene.

Jin glanced at you, pity swimming in his usually carefree eyes.

Not trusting your voice to say anything and desperately wanting to hide your face from the piercing eyes, you distracted yourself by taking calculated sips of watered-down eggnog.

“Daehyun...this is actually Y/n, Jungkook’s wife,” Jin told the lady in an uncomfortable voice.

You didn’t know what stung more, the fact that this stranger thought that there was more chemistry between Sana and your husband than with you, or that it was Jin who corrected this mistake and not Jungkook himself.

“O-Oh, well it’s nice to meet you.” Daehyun awkwardly said to you while avoiding direct eye contact.

You offered a tight smile, “Pleasure.”

Whatever gratitude you could’ve had for Daehyun’s clear embarrassment quickly vanished when the woman went on to continue, “I’m sorry. Jungkook never mentioned being married and he doesn’t wear a ring so I didn’t even know. I bet it must be interesting for his housewife to meet his office wife though, right?”

She laughed, not realizing that she only succeeded in putting a foot in her mouth right before stomping it all over your pesky little heart. The group didn’t seem to share your uneasiness, all three of them politely chuckling along to the lukewarm joke at your expense. Once again, you focused on your dwindling beverage to avoid the burden of speaking or even facing them directly, too scared that your miserable expression would be unanimously inspected.

“Well, we just came over to recruit you all for some karaoke!” Jin cheerfully announced, clearly trying to change the subject, “There’s a machine in the break-out room and it’s more fun to sing with a group.”

“More like you want an audience.” Jungkook wittingly teased, a handsome smirk on his face as Sana playfully scolded him with a push to the chest.

“I’ll take your jabs now Kookie because I know they stem from your insecurity that I can actually upstage you in the vocals department.” Jin rebutted in good nature, even letting your husband’s old nickname slip.

Daehyun and Sana both guffawed at this declaration, exaggerated disbelief present on their faces.

“Jungkook is the best singer in the office. He’ll upstage you without even trying.” Daehyun said in a tenor of utter confidence.

“Only one way to find out!” Jin brushed the comment off, pointing to the direction of the assumed breakout room, “Karaoke anyone?”

The so-called office wife nodded enthusiastically, taking your husband’s arm and looking up at him to plead, “Can we do a duet of that one song we like?”

Jungkook, for the first time in seemingly hours, shot you with a questioning gaze.

Be married to someone for a while and you’ll learn how to decipher what they’re trying to say with just mere looks. Your husband was wordlessly inquiring if you were going to join, if he should go along with the group or if you two should break away and do something else.

The ball was finally in your court.

Not wanting to be rude but needing to get away from these people before you lost your cool, you decided on a subtle excuse.

“I need a refill, but maybe we can meet you all later?” You said, shaking your empty paper cup as if to prove your case.

“Oh, well the drinks are right behind you.” Sana condescendingly pointed out, tightening her hold on your husband and began steering him towards the exit, “We’ll save a seat for you.”

Bewildered, you watched as Jungkook obediently followed her lead with the Daehyun girl trailing behind.

He didn’t even spare you a glance.

You wanted to be angry.

You wanted to storm up to your husband, yank him out of the clutches of his colleagues and practically drag him back home under the premise that he would never speak to Sana ever again.

But instead of a righteous rage fueled by the marital vows you two took, utter exhaustion bestowed upon you and prevented any instigation on your part.

Maybe earlier in your marriage you would’ve fought for his attention, but now you simply just wanted to go home and lick your wounds with the help of a Ben and Jerry’s ice cream while self-obsessing over Sana’s outrageous attractiveness. After all, who could blame any hot-blooded man for choosing that goddess over you? What could you possibly do but lean back and accept that she was the obvious choice?

Other than her being a knockout beauty while you were merely average on your best day, she had other qualities that made her a more appealing catch. She was most likely younger than you, obviously fit, more ambitious and professionally driven than you, and presumably has no kids.

Meanwhile, you were just an old stay-at-home mom who lived off of her husband’s paychecks while he fucked his coworkers behind her oblivious back.

Before you could draw more detailed comparisons between Sana and yourself, you felt a large hand place itself on the middle of your back, successfully guiding your attention to the only person who bothered staying by your side.

Jin smiled sadly at you, sympathy shadowing his expression as he gestured with his other hand to the empty cup still in your hold. “Let’s get you some more eggnog.”

You nodded wordlessly, still speechless from the interaction, and allowed the taller man to guide you towards the snack table. Jin then took your cup and refilled it himself, providing you the opportunity to pick at the catered food in some cheap attempt at stress eating. By the time Jin came back with a full cup, you were halfway done with a sugar cookie and eyeing the meatballs next.

“Here ya go,” Jin said as he handed over the drink to you. You took it and nodded in thanks but kept your eyes glued to the food, not wanting him to see just how defeated and tired your face probably was. But, Jin wasn’t going to let the whole thing go. “Y/n….I know what you saw and heard looks really bad but trust me….nothing is going on between Sana and Jungkook.”

You snorted. “It doesn’t just look bad, Jin. It was like they were practically rubbing it in my face. Him having an affair isn’t the problem, it’s the way they’re not even bothering to keep it down. The least they could do is be discreet.”

Jin’s jaw slightly dropped, “‘Him having an affair isn’t the problem’? Y/n, do you even hear yourself? Of course that would be a problem! Do you not care about your own marriage anymore?”

And there it was.

The big question.

Did you truly even care about this marriage?

Well, let’s look at the facts.

One: The disrespect of his alleged mistress was more offensive to you than the fact that she was a mistress.

Two: Jungkook dragging you along to this office Christmas party was the first time in over a year that he bothered to take you out.

Three: You two had humble beginnings and could barely afford food, much less wedding bands when you first got married, but now he was a very wealthy man and had no excuse for not buying you or himself a ring. Unless, of course, he enjoyed acting single around other women.

Four: And on top of all this, it had to be factored in how distant he has been with overwhelming work hours that prevented any alone time with your husband. Sex with Jungkook has been off the table for almost a year now.

But did any of this really bother you until tonight? The answer was a resounding no. You were willing to take all those burdens in stride but tonight it wasn’t just about the fact that you were the unwanted wife Jungkook got sacked with, it was the fact that you were humiliated and forced to face the type of girl Jungkook should’ve been married to all along. That was all you were truly upset about.

The conclusion that you indeed didn’t care about your marriage and haven’t in some time now hit you in a sudden wave, but in no way were you shocked.

Voice shaky and brittle, you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with Jin and say the one thing you always secretly thought but never dared utter out loud. “I-I guess I always expected it to end like this. When we were younger, he was always the popular one and all the girls wanted him. We were only dating for three months when I got pregnant, and if it weren’t for our son he probably would’ve dumped me eventually and left for another girl. But, he stuck around for his kid because he’s a good father. And I’ve been nothing but a burden to him for a while now.”

Tears began to blur your vision, forcing you to quickly duck down and quietly sip at your drink so as to not embarrass yourself even more.

You heard a shuffle and suddenly Jin was holding you, using both of his lengthy arms to cage you in and rest you against his broad chest. It had been a long time since a man had held you like that, and you practically went boneless at the contact. You closed your eyes and tried to will away the incoming tears, even going so far as to solely focus on the scent of Jin’s cologne as he soothingly said, “Y/n, listen closely to what I’m about to say. You and Hugo were never a burden to Jungkook, and you two never will be. Your marriage was sudden, but it doesn’t make it less valid than any other marriage out there. Jungkook has been with you for so long, he just doesn’t realize when other women are interested in him because he’s been off the market forever. But I promise you, if I knew for even a second that he cheated, I would tell you right away.”

You didn’t say anything.

Although Jin’s words were comforting, they weren’t necessarily true. A marriage that started from a healthy courtship and true love instead of inconvenient circumstances was of course more valid than yours. And even though you were sure of Jin’s honesty and loyalty to you, Jungkook could’ve easily kept his affair secret from Jin as well.

However, you didn’t wish to concern Jin anymore. You already put him through too much awkwardness tonight and didn’t want to keep him by your side as some sort of emotional sponsor any longer than you already have. Jin always loved parties and was the life of any one he was invited to, even if it was just a lame annual office gathering. You then felt guilty for putting Jin in a situation where he would even have to console you when he should be out enjoying karaoke with the rest of his coworkers.

You promptly pulled away from Jin and wiped at your face. He released you and also took a step back, carefully studying you for any signs of further turmoil. Once sure that your face was acceptably dry, you gazed back up at him and offered a thankful smile. “Thanks Jin, I’m sorry I just dumped all of that on you. I really have to use the ladies' room though, can you point me to it?”

“It’s right by the conference room,” Jin informed, pointing out the general direction for you. You nodded and took a few steps toward it before he grasped your wrist to stop you and ask, “Do you want me to wait for you?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just find you and Jungkook when I’m out. Go and join the others for karaoke.”

Jin nodded but seemed unsure.

You didn’t look back to see if he actually went to follow the others, instead just advancing to the restrooms, secretly looking forward to some alone time even if it had to come from a public bathroom.

Once you entered the restroom you were relieved to find it completely empty, you weren’t sure if you could handle another run-in with Jungkook’s female colleagues. They all seemed to have a personal vendetta against you.

Instantly, you dashed to the mirror to inspect your makeup, assuming at least the mascara was ruined from your little cry. Thankfully, the damage was minimal and you were able to clean the smudges up with a damp napkin. You focused all your attention on the dreadfully small task, trying not to study your reflection too much given it would just conjure up more mental comparisons to all the other prettier women you encountered that night.

Yet the small task couldn’t last a lifetime, and you had to resort to looking at your phone in search of things to do. You weren’t emotionally ready to go out and search for your husband, so you wanted to prolong your time in the bathroom. Although it hasn’t been that long since you left the house, you decided to text the babysitter for any updates about your son.

To Emily: Hey, is everything okay with Hugo?

It only took about 40 seconds for the teenage neighbor girl to text back an answer, clearly on top of things and overly eager to provide any updates.

Emily: Yes! He ate his dinner, took his bath and we’re about to get ready for bed.

Your motherly instincts were satisfied with that response, but it didn’t do anything to subdue your desire to return back home. Your thumbs briefly hovered over the keypad, somewhat hesitant with the next text you were about to send.

To Emily: Great, thanks again for doing this. Listen, I think we might head back home sooner than we thought. Don’t worry tho, I’ll still give you the pay for the full four hours.

Before you could wait for a response from her, the sound of multiple incoming footsteps interrupted the steady silence in the restroom. Muffled female conversation could also be heard, the slight laughter and bickering amongst a group of women approaching the bathroom. Your fight or flight instinct was triggered, and to avoid any more awkward encounters you rushed to the nearest stall and shut the door- fully prepared to wait out the faceless group of female colleagues.

You heard the restroom door swish open before the women burst in, chatting and giggling with their heels clicking against the tile floor. One of the unknown females made way to the stall beside you, the others presumably hovering by the mirror if the sudden comments about their appearances were anything to go by. You quietly sighed and pulled out your phone again, ready to drown out their office politics talk.

Only for the conversation to somehow steer towards you.

“Did you see her?”

“Of course, I was very confused, to be honest.” One of them replied. “I mean….look at Jungkook and you just assume that whoever he’s with is drop-dead gorgeous, and she was just eh.”

“Yeah, she was pretty plain. What was her name again?”

“Y/n.” A third voice cut in, this one eerily familiar to you.

You glued a hand over your mouth to silence your gasp.

It was Sana.

“Did he ever mention her around you? You are the closest to him in the office Sana, and we didn’t even know he had a wife until tonight.”

“No, I didn’t know until tonight either.”

“What?! That’s insane. Literally all the time he spends with you: getting coffee, buying you lunch, driving you home after late nights, and he conveniently never mentions that he has a wife at home?”

“That’s suspicious. But I guess if I had a dog like that at home, I’d never mention her either.”

Cruel laughter from all of them.

The toilet from the stall next to you flushed, then opened as a new voice entered the discussion while she approached the sinks.

“It’s more than suspicious. He doesn’t even wear a wedding ring. And he’s so close to Sana but never mentioned that he’s married?” A pause as she washed her hands. “It’s obvious what he’s trying to do. Jungkook is trying to have an affair with Sana.”

Although this exchange was extremely hurtful to you, you felt somewhat relieved that you weren’t the only one to see what your husband was doing.

A pause hung in the air as none of the women spoke for a minute, they were willing to gossip but apparently outright declaring the obvious was a step too far for them.

Eventually, one of them chimed in with their own observation.

“Can you blame him? Sana you’re the most beautiful person in the office and you look so good next to him anyway. Much better than that cow Y/n.”

Another round of obnoxious laughter that broke your heart.

“C’mon guys. We gotta head back. Jungkook is gonna get anxious if Sana is away for too long.” Someone teased.

They all murmured in agreement, heading towards the exit as a group before one stopped them with a final question.

“Wait, Sana. If Jungkook does want to have an affair with you, what are you going to do?”

Although you couldn’t physically see Sana, you practically heard the smirk on her face as she said, “Who says we already aren’t having one?”

--

Needless to say, you ditched the Christmas party almost immediately after the bathroom incident.

You texted Jungkook a white lie about Emily struggling with Hugo, although a good father would’ve known something was up because your son had never given babysitters any trouble before. But luckily, your husband also wasn’t doing so hot in the dad department either.

You would’ve felt bad for not telling the truth if the truth wasn’t so fucking embarrassing.

“Hey, I’m gonna go home to cry like a little girl because I caught your coworkers talking shit about me. Oh, and also your little girlfriend accidentally let it slip that you’ve been fucking her this whole time. K talk to ya later!”

You grimaced at the thought of actually sending that text.

Sure it’s what that cheating bastard deserves, but you just weren’t emotionally ready for that fight yet. Especially after the night you endured, you needed some time to pick yourself up and figure out what to do next.

Divorce was the next logical step, but you were financially dependent on Jungkook. If you moved out and took Hugo with you, where would you two stay? How could you afford to be a single parent? And if Jungkook were to try to fight you for custody or the divorce in general, you would need a damn good lawyer. Unfortunately, lawyers weren’t cheap, especially one that stood a chance against Jungkook and all his wealth.

Your shoulders sagged with the imaginary weight of all these burdens.

When you entered the high-rise penthouse that you called home, you were surprised to see Emily anxiously pacing the foyer in waiting for your arrival.

“Hey, how was Hugo?” You greeted politely, already opening your clutch to pull out the agreed-upon salary.

“M-Mrs. Jeon, I swear I tried to have him in bed by eight like you said but he’s being stubborn and said he won’t go to sleep until you come back and read to him-” The teenager rushed out all at once, clearly nervous that you would scold her.

You held a hand out to stop her rambles, using your other hand to give her the money, and offered her what you hoped was a comforting smile, “It’s okay, Em. Thanks for doing this on such short notice. Why don’t you run home now and try to enjoy your Christmas Eve?”

Emily looked relieved that you weren’t mad, gratefully taking the cash before grabbing her jacket and shoes to make her exit. “Thanks so much for this Mrs. Jeon. Merry Christmas!”

“Merry Christmas.” You farewelled while walking the young girl out, locking the door behind her.

You turned around and proceeded down a long hallway that led to the bedrooms, stopping at the door beside the master room which belonged to your four-year-old son. You opened it to peer inside, the familiar deep blue walls with painted-on sea creatures greeting you back, swiftly reminding you once more of Hugo’s obsession with the ocean.

Your son was bundled up in a twin bed so big that it practically drowned him, his small frame barely being recognizable in the large fish-printed duvet wrapped around his tiny frame, only his small and adorable face peeking out to stare right back at you.

Hugo was essentially a carbon copy of Jungkook. At first you were somewhat resentful about this, how was it possible that you carried a baby for nine months and he came out with absolutely none of your features? But after a while of watching Hugo grow up and come into his own slowly but surely, you were pacified by the conclusion that while he may look exactly like his father, his personality and heart took after you.

“Dumpling, why did Emily say you were giving her a hard time and wouldn’t go to bed?” You asked gently, sitting by his side and petting his black hair.

‘Dumpling’ was a nickname you chose for Hugo since you first found out you were pregnant with him. It stemmed from your sudden pregnancy craving to eat dumplings and nothing else, you once even going two straight weeks surviving off the food. There were many times where Jungkook had to bribe you into eating other things, playing on your guilt for not providing your baby all the nutrition he needed. But even now ‘Dumpling’ still stuck, if Hugo’s chubby cheeks were anything to go by.

“Mommy, I-I’m sorry but-” His big doe eyes looked up at you in teary guilt, “I really needed you here. It was a nece-necess-”

“Necessity, bub.” You finished for him, grinning at his attempt at a big word.

Part of you wanted to scold the boy for being difficult, but you didn’t have the heart to. Lately, Hugo has been more clingy to you than ever before. Yet it was practically impossible to punish him because Hugo has always been a good kid and you knew deep down that he didn’t act out unless there was something else going on. You suspected that it had something to do with the lack of his father’s presence that forced him to hold onto you like his life depended on it.

“Well try not to do it again, okay? Emily is a nice girl and she’s just following my orders when she tells you to go to bed.” You said, ducking down to peck the crown of his head and continue running your fingers through his hair.

Hugo nodded in understanding but ultimately stayed silent, basking in your cuddles.

All was silent for a passing moment, and while Hugo enjoyed his mother’s touch, your mind gradually returned to the turmoil that was your marriage.

A sudden epiphany struck you and bit your lip as you debated an idea.

Should you expose your son to your future plan?

The victim of any divorce has always been the children who were left behind. And the last thing you wanted to do was blindside Hugo. Perhaps you should play the hypothetical game just to see where your son’s head was at? It went without saying that Hugo was closer to you than Jungkook and you were more of a parent than your husband. But still, every kid deserved to have a say in their parents’ divorce.

“Bub, how would you feel if….it was just me and you?” You hesitantly inquired.

“What do you mean mommy?” Hugo titled his head in bewilderment and craned his neck to look back up at you.

“What if me and you went away to live together?” You clarified.

“Like a va-vayca-”

“Vacation? And no. But forever. Just me, you and no one else.” You whispered, as if Jungkook himself would storm in and catch you planning your escape with the toddler.

“Oh.” A pause as you could practically hear the mechanisms in his four-year-old brain trying to work out the logistics of what you just proposed. “Okay.”

The nonchalance in his youthful voice had you taken aback.

“It’s a really big decision, Hugo. You wouldn’t mind...not living with daddy anymore, right? You would hardly ever see him, dumpling.”

The boy shifted to lean more of his body against you, essentially resting against you with his head on your chest as he said, “But it’s like that already, mommy.”

Your heart broke.

You wrapped your arms around him and pulled him closer to you, feeling a maternal instinct to comfort and protect.

“Okay Dumpling. I need you to promise me not to tell daddy what we talked about.”

“”Kay.” Hugo yawned and closed his eyes, inhaling deep breaths of your scent and beginning the process of falling asleep. “When do we leave?”

“It’ll take some time, bub. You start school in a few months, so mommy will try to find a job while you’re there.” You told him, not bothering to try to explain the concept of a lawyer or apartment deposits on top of that. “But we can do this. It has to be a secret but you're my partner in crime.”

“Like spies?”

You chuckled, “Yeah, like spies. Promise to work with mommy in utter secrecy?”

You held up a pinky, one that Hugo grasped with his own.

“Promise.”

Author’s Note:  So....A while ago before I took my long ass hiatus, I did a poll for which yandere story I should write next.  The Unsaid Vow won but that was around the same time that shit hit the fan in my life.  Recently was scrolling through my notes on my phone and found some of the plot points for this story and I needed a lil break from QQ.  Plus I know so many ppl were hyped for this concept so....Here ya go lol.  This is kinda short but it’s just a set up, Chapter one’s plot line will start a few months after this when Hugo will start kindergarten and Y/n will actually start looking in to jobs, lawyers and apartments.  Also I’m sorry but I’m really bad at writing for kids lol, and I absolutely refuse to write that gross ass baby talk so just pretend your son is a lil genius okay? Also srry Once but I needed really pretty girls to be villians in my story so yeah, Twice girls in here aren’t likable but aren’t reflective of how i actually feel about them lol.

Big thanks to @sushireads​ once again for creating the cover art for this fic.  They literally are becoming my go-to for fic art.

And my beta readers @bigbuffjoonie and @mustardpop​! They beta’d for QQ and I came to them really early about this fic.  They were with me since the beginning and have given me advice with creative choices to just simple grammar.  They easily could’ve leaked the first draft of this too but they didn’t and kept it secret for a while.  I was really insecure about getting out of my comfort zone with this plot but they really guided me.  

[ridestomars]

THE PERFECT GIRL – E. MUNSON

𖥻 summary: in which eddie makes a mixtape for you. 𖥻 pairing: eddie munson x alt!reader. 𖥻 warnings: this is part of my alt!reader concept, but can be read as a standalone. poor grammar possibly. not proofread.

💭 liv's thoughts: a big thanks to @saintlessmunson for reading my first draft <333 i only function on sudden urges and this is another one of them. just a compilation of songs that were important to the development of your relationship w eddie. it was supposed to have 5 songs, but i wrote about 3 bc i'm lazy <3 really hope you enjoy it! the fic's playlist.

DO NOT INTERACT WITH THIS WORK IF YOU'RE UNDER SIXTEEN.

IS THERE SOMETHING I SHOULD KNOW? do you feel the same 'cause you don't let it show

Eddie almost regretted stepping foot inside the old record shop that day, especially when the music coming from the speakers was so loud that it could be heard from across the street; the annoying sound of Simon Le Bon's voice piercing through his ears as he miserably made his way inside. Walking with his head low to keep people from staring at him, he went straight to the Weird Al Yankovic section, trying to get this over with already. 

His fingers expertly went through the selection of records, even though he knew he wouldn't be able to find whatever record Dustin didn't have because he simply didn't know what it was. It would've been so much easier if he could just gift the boy the new D&D book, or some great figures – but what could he possibly give to a kid who already has everything? His favorite artist's new album, of course. And that's what he intended to do if only he knew what his latest record was called. 

"I always took you for a Judas Priest type of weird. Didn't know you were taking a step further," a familiar voice said, getting closer. He slowly looked to his side, realizing that you were walking towards him, in your full gothic attire; a cute lacy dress, with fishnets and heavy boots, all in black, of course. Eddie wasn't really in the mood to bicker, but for you, he could make an exception. 

"It's not for me, Dracula," he muttered, still very focused on going through the endless records in front of him – half of them were just copies of the same title, which made more sense than Weird Al making so many records. "I'm buying this for Henderson. The small kid, curly hair, always with a cap". 

He absentmindedly explained, going through the kid's most striking features. 

"Yeah, I know who he is. And he already bought Polka Party last week". 

"I'm sorry?" he turned to you, a big confused frown on his face. 

"Polka Party," you repeated slowly, even though he still didn't understand what you said, "you know… his latest record? That's what you're looking for, right? Henderson already bought it."

"Shit," Eddie lamented, wincing slightly. "That's what I was going to buy him". 

"That's too bad. Maybe you should try Tiny Tim, then", you suggested and saw that Eddie contemplated the idea, before rejecting it vehemently. "Well, then I have something that he might like". 

"Yeah? And what is it?" he asked as he let go of the records, turning his body around completely to face you. 

"It's called Licensed to Ill by the Beastie Boys. It just came in, so I highly doubt that he'd have it already", you explained as you guided Eddie to the newest releases shelves. "It has everything a teenage boy would like, I guess. Beer, girls, idiotic screaming…"

"Seems cool enough. What are they? A rock band?"

"They're rappers", you said and that didn't ring any bells for the metalhead. "Oh my God, don't you watch MTV at all?" 

"Only the Heavy Metal Half-Hour. Don't really like any of the VJs", he shrugged. "Why do you sound so surprised? I mean, Duran Duran has been playing and I don't see you complaining. Aren't they out of fashion already?"

"Well, Marie's the one picking the music today, so if I say something I'd probably get fired", you put your hands up, showing that you are defenseless. "But don't you think you're a bit too close-minded?"

"Because I don't know the Beast Boys?"

"Beastie Boys", you correct him as you hand him the record. A jet is crashing into the side of a mountain on the cover, which definitely caught his attention. As he analyzed the album, you smiled lightly, finding the way his brown eyes scanned the cover to be very cute. "But it's like you live in your own little metal world… doesn't it get boring sometimes?"

"With Ozzy Osbourne? Never." he offered you a sly smile as his eyes shoot up to look at your face. 

"You know, some people wouldn't even consider Ozzy to be metal," you teased him slightly and he loudly gasps, absolutely offended by your affirmation. 

"Don't you ever say that again!"

"Oh, but I will! And I can even argue that you, Edward Munson, aren't metal at all." 

"And why is that?" he asked, genuinely curious. "Because you just said that I am a close-minded metalhead, sweetheart". 

"You know exactly what I mean! C'mon, half of the bands you like are hard rock, and I am including Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath on that list".

"Sure, Vlady." he rolls his eyes at you, walking to the nearest listening booth, with you on his tail. Eddie was already taking the vinyl out of its sleeve before asking you, "Any suggestions?"

"Rhymin' and Stealin', or No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn. They're the most metal of them". 

"Nah, no metal. 'Cause now that I am a fully open-minded person, thanks to you, I think I'll go with…" he taunted you for your fruitless try to start one of your bickerings.  "Hold It Now, Hit It". 

"Great pick", you encouraged him, even though you knew he wasn't going to like it. 

CRAZY TRAIN. i'm living with something that just ain't fair.

"Haven't you had enough of following me around, weirdo?"

"Nope. In fact, I would like to follow you some more", he answered as he keeps trailing behind you, putting up Madonna's True Blue cardboard cut-out next to the album shelves. "Killer jeans, by the way". 

"Gross," even though you tried to seem annoyed by his statement, the smile on your face betrayed you. Thank God he couldn't see it. "But I'm afraid you won't have much time to appreciate it, since I'll be leaving in… five minutes".

You said after checking your wrist clock, then helping him to stabilize the life-size Madonna on the floor. Then, you took a few steps back to appreciate the result of your teamwork.

"What? I thought you worked until five!" he exclaimed as he let go of the cardboard. The abrupt motion almost took it down, but you swiftly put it back to its original place. "Sorry".

"Stalker much?" you playfully ask, making his cheeks blush lightly. When you were finally done with the Madonna cardboard, you walked to the store's counter, leaning down to get your backpack. As you started to organize your things, you explained, "I worked overtime yesterday, so Marie is covering for me today". 

You felt his gaze follow you intensely, watching how your hands moved as you grabbed your own cassettes, your coat, and a few fanzines and stuffed them back into your bag. To be quite frank, you were actually enjoying having his attention on you, seeing the things you liked – maybe he could get to know a bit more about you by seeing your Echo and The Bunnymen tape. 

"Do you- um…" when he sees you sling your backpack on one of your shoulders, he begins to muster up the courage to ask, but as he senses your eyes on him, his voice falters a bit, "do you want a ride?"

"Is your van clean?" you asked as you start to walk towards the exit, Eddie following you closely. "I don't really feel like sitting on another pack of Doritos today".

"Fuck off", it's hard to miss the humor in his voice, "And I did. It's as good as new". 

"Alright, then. Lead the way", you say as you open the store's door. Now, you were the one following him, trying to keep up with his long, quick steps. You almost miss the van, only stopping because of Eddie's sudden stop. "Why is it blue?" 

"I painted it. Got tired of red". 

"Nice. Why don't you paint it black next time? You know, to fit your aesthetic". 

"Noted," he acknowledges your suggestion, walking up to the passenger door and opening it for you. "M'lady". 

"Thank you, good lord." you graciously answer, getting inside the (thankfully clean) van. It only takes Eddie a couple of moments to sit in the driver's seat, and he founds you curiously eyeing the whole vehicle. 

"Found any Doritos yet?"

"No, but I found this" you pick up a little zip bag that was carelessly laid on the van's floor, next to your feet. "Do you just leave this stuff all over the place? You should be more careful, you know? I heard Hopper is after your ass". 

"Jesus H. Christ!" his eyes were wide as pies as he sees the marijuana bag you held, taking it in a rush. He almost drops it as he hurriedly stuffs it in his jacket pocket. "How d'you know that?"

"It's impossible not to. Everyone loves to talk about the resident freak's latest ​​shenanigans." you smile playfully at him again, finding out that he was already staring at you, with an amused look on his face. "And when you work at a place that the whole town visits, you end up knowing lots of stuff".

"Yeah? Like what?" he starts the van, maneuvering out of its parking spot. 

"Well…" you think about it for a while, trying to remember the hottest piece of gossip you know. "Heather Maxwell was almost arrested for, one, driving while drunk and two, for having sex with Stuart Mills on her parents' car at the side of the road. Hopper was less than pleased". 

"Stuart? As in-"

"Her best friend's boyfriend, yes!" you excitedly interrupt him, and he audibly gasps as he hears the missing piece of information. 

"I always knew Heather was up to no good," Eddie commented. "I mean, wasn't she the one who spiked our middle school punch without telling anyone?"

"Yeah," you laughed, "thank God Mrs. O'Donnell confiscated it."

"Oh, but it tasted so good!" 

"You drank it?" you ask and watch him enthusiastically nod, and your eyes widen slightly, "That explains why you were dancing to the Bay City Rollers, then".

"That wasn't because I was drunk! I actually really like them".

"Shut up!"

"I'm serious!" he confirms, laughing. You lean towards him as he makes an accentuated curve, brushing shoulders lightly. "You know, bye, bye, baby, baby goodbye!" 

You laugh harder as he sings the band's song completely out of tune, and the resounding sound of your laughter quickly infected him and you both entered a long fit of giggles. After it died down, though, it wasn't as awkward as you thought it would be; comfortably sharing the silence until you motioned to the radio, and picking up on that, Eddie asked, "d'you wanna turn on the radio? I have no idea of which tape is in, though". 

"It'll be a surprise, then. I bet it's Motorhead".

"And I bet it's Dio".

"Let's see!" you pressed the on button and the beginnings of Ozzy Osbourne's Crazy Train filled up the whole van. Eddie's sound system always impressed you with how powerful the music reverberated through the small space. "Fuck, not even close".

"Yeah, but it's still great!" he observed, looking at you quickly, "Crazy, but that's how it goes". 

"Millions of people living as foes," you started to sing along with him, earning another glance from him, only a surprised one this time. That was enough for you to turn the music louder. 

"You know this one?"

"Hell yeah, dude! It's, like, one of his only good songs".

"No, it's not!"

"It's not a good song, you mean?" you tried to trick him, but of course, he wouldn't fall for it.

"It's one of his greatest, Y/N!" he observes, thumbs tapping against the steering wheel accompanying the beat of the song. "You know, for someone who works at a music store, you should really start appreciating Ozzy more."

"Sure, Munson." you rolled his eyes. "I've listened to preachers".

"I've listened to fools", he stepped even harder on the gas, making the van speed along the street, making dust and leaves go up in the air, trailing along. Everything about this moment made you smile; from the wind that blew right at your face to the sounds Eddie made to emulate the song's guitar.

"I've watched all the dropouts who make their own rules", you pretended to hold a microphone, and then offered it to him, letting him sing the next line into your hand. And he did it with the biggest and brightest smile on his face, dimples deepening as he mouthed the words. He looked so pretty like this, all smiles, doe eyes, and hair flowing wildly. 

To the people who watched the van speed through Hawkins' streets, you seemed like two maniacs. The laughter, screams, and out-of-tune-singing were enough for everyone to look at you as the freaks they considered you to be, not that you cared for that right now, especially when you're by Eddie's side. 

You cried out loud as you spotted your house at the end of the street. 

"Oh no! Can you go around the block? Just until the song ends, please?" you ask him, pleading almost. You were having too much fun to be interrupted now. 

"If I could, I'd drive around the whole state for you, sweetheart. But is the highway enough for you?" he asked, slowing the van down to look at you. As you nod at him, in an almost desperate manner, he laughs loudly. "Rewind the song, then!" 

Crazy, but that's how it goes…

PERFECT GIRL. i think i'm falling, i think i'm falling in…

"Hey, Y/N! Your freak is here!" Marie announces as the plops her head inside the employee's room, which made you roll your eyes in a way that you thought they wouldn't go back to their place. Your body didn't care too much about Marie's unnecessary nickname, since it was too preoccupied with reacting to the fact that Eddie was here. Your palms were suddenly sweaty and butterflies were all over the place; you doubted you could even take two steps before starting to smile like a maniac. 

"Don't call him that," you scolded her as you passed by, going directly to the store's counter. Your eyes scanned the place quickly, not taking long to spot the untamed mane of the one and only Eddie Munson, who was going through the alternative section – something that has become surprisingly normal these past few weeks. "Eds!" 

"Hey, Vlady!" he cheerily greeted you, skipping his way to the counter. "Nice earrings. Are those bats?"

"Yeah. Made them myself". 

"Could you make one for me, maybe?" Eddie put his hair behind his right ear, showing you the small silver hoop he usually wore. "I feel like it's time for a change".

"Sure thing", you offered him a sweet smile and made a (very highlighted, sparkly, shiny) mental note to make the best earring you could ever create for him. "Had fun at the alternative section?"

"Yup! In fact, I was meaning to ask you: have you listened to the new The Cure album yet?"

"No, but my friends said they liked it, so I'm excited".

"You should be. It's actually great".

"What!? You've already listened to it?" 

"Fuck yeah", he replied like it was obvious, and continued, with a taunting smile, "Now who's the one that isn't up with the news?"

"Hey! I just didn't have the time, ok? College is kicking my butt." you explained while you gathered the cassettes that were laid out on the counter. As soon as your hand touched the first one, you saw Eddie's pale hand also collecting a few – always so eager to help. "It was just a surprise, you know? You got to hear my favorite band's new album before me". 

"I'm just keeping up with the times, sweetheart. Oh, how'd you say it?" he took a while to remember the exact term you had used a while back, "Yeah, I'm opening up my horizons". 

"You're such a weirdo", you rolled your eyes before handing him a Frank Sinatra tape, a identical copy to the ones he was organizing. 

"Thanks" he muttered, "Like the gloves, by the way. Very metal… or should I say, totally goth?"

"Shut up" you giggled and moved out of the counter, on your way to put the tapes in their usual place. You heard Eddie's boots thumping loudly against the floor, meaning that he was following you. 

"You know, I came here to give you something".

"What?" you suddenly turn around, in surprise, and drop a few tapes when you crash right into his chest. And before you can lean down to catch them, he has already collected all of them and is standing up slowly, in a way that makes you hold your breath; his hair actually brushes against the hem of your skirt, lifting it up slightly, and you're pretty sure you felt his knuckles graze lightly against your knee. And then, he's standing close… dangerously so. You can actually feel his warm breath against your face, the small puffs of air hitting you as he talks... and you don't pay attention to a single word he said. "I-I'm sorry?"

"I said it's a gift," even though you were pretty sure Eddie would find the whole situation amusing and make fun of you for being so strange, he isn't. And he seems to be just as affected as you are, with burning red cheeks. "You know, a thing that one person gives to another as a token of their appreciation?" 

"I know what a gift is, dumbass. I just don't understand why you would give me something". 

"I just explained it to you, Dracula. A token of my appreciation." he smiles softly at you, his dimples showing. You did your best to actually organize the cassettes instead of just throwing them everywhere, but that didn't matter right now, not when Eddie was searching his pockets looking for something; your gift. Then, he handed you a small tape, very similar to the ones you were just holding. "It has one of The Cure's new songs in it… it really reminded me of you. So it would be nice if you listened to it." 

"Sure", you couldn't fight the big smile that appeared on your face, feeling your face heat up as your fingertips brushed against his hand as you took the cassette. "I'll listen to it today, and then I'll call you and tell you what I think, yeah?"

"Perfect". 

+++

As soon as you stepped foot in your bedroom, you didn't wait another second before plopping the tape into your boombox and anxiously fast-forwarding it until you stumbled upon Robert Smith's sped-up voice. You felt bad for not paying attention to the little details Eddie put into it, like the adhesive tape he glued and the name of the mixtape, but you just couldn't wait – couldn't even waste time listening to the other tracks, really, too set upon hearing the new song. Acting like that, it may seem that you've never had a mixtape made for you before, but it was quite de contrary: your friends made you tapes all the time, but this... this was different. This was Eddie's tape. And that was reason enough to keep you giggling like a schoolgirl, almost kicking your feet in the air in your state of giddiness. Laying down on your bed, you hugged one of your pillows bringing it to your chin, a perfect tool to use to muffle your lovesick laughter as you finally heard the little unknown do-do-do's. 

The fuzziness you felt in your whole body distracted you from actually paying attention to the music, because you were too busy still trying to wrap your head around the fact that Eddie Munson – The Eddie Munson – listened to a whole The Cure album for you; heard this specific song and thought of you; and spent time making this mixtape for you. All because of you. You had to take a few breaths to bring your mind back to the song, or else you'd spend the whole night rewinding the poor tape. 

You held your breath as Robert Smith sang 'you're such a strange girl, I'd like to turn you upside-down', and your eyebrows involuntarily shot up. A familiar heat crept up your neck and took hold of your cheeks while a smile kept dancing on your lips. Once again, your pillow came into action, muffling a fit of giggles as it hid your flushed cheeks from the cold air of your bedroom. 

It was unnecessary to wait too long for your next hysterics to come through because as soon as you heard 'you're such a strange girl, the way you look like you do. You're such a strange girl, I want to be with you', you were absolutely gone; laughing excitedly as your eyes widened and your own body didn't know whether to feel extremely lovesick or surprised. But you couldn't just sit and wait for it to decide, so almost unconsciously, you reached for the phone and dialed the number you had already memorized.

"You reached the Munsons! It's Eddie".

"Hi." that's all you could say before giggling again.

"Hey, Vlad. I take it that you've already listened to the tape?" 

"'m still listening".

"Cool," he commented, starting to become a bit uneasy. "A-and what did you think?"

"Well, I think that Robert Smith is a genius." you paused a bit, just for the dramatics, and heard Eddie's heavy breath on the other side of the line. "And that you and I should go on a date sometime". 

"Y-yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking", you could practically hear his smile and that made you laugh once more. "Benny's Burger?"

"Perfect. You're free on Friday?"

"For you? Always". 

"Great. I'll see you at seven then." 

"It's a date".

"It's a date", you confirmed, biting your lower lip, trying to keep your smile from getting any wider. 

I think I'm falling… I think I'm falling in… I think I'm falling in love with you. 

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[stranger-nightmare]

If you find the muse I think that the new Adele song 'Oh my god' fits perfect for a Druig story 😍 I love that song atm and think about him a lot when I listen to it.

"Oh my God, I can't believe it

Out of all the people in the world

What is the likelihood of jumping

Out of my life and into your arms?"

𝐎𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐀𝐫𝐦𝐬

Pairing: Druig x Mortal!Reader

Summary: Druig has spent centuries alone, never fully connecting with anyone, until you. Druig counts himself lucky that of all his lifetimes spent on this planet, he finally managed to find you.

Warnings: this is the fluffiest little thing I have ever written🥺 kinda angsty, also very brief depiction of smut so minors DNI please

A/N: my requests were technically closed when this request came in but I’m allowing this bc I really love your account @redroomproperty 🙈🥰😂🖤 I’ve actually never really listened to Adele outside of her singles so this was an interesting change for me. I had the song on repeat as I wrote this but I still mostly focused on the chorus lyrics you provided here as my main source of inspiration. I hope you like it!🖤✨

“What?” You crinkle your nose at Druig. “Why are you staring at me like that?” You question him.

You’re currently snuggled in bed together; you sat up against the headboard, him lying down with his head in your lap. You’re stroking his hair softly as he traces shapes up your bare thighs with his fingers. You’d both been sat in blissful silence, the only sounds coming from the city surrounding your shared apartment. You’d been completely lost in your own train of thoughts when you’d noticed Druig staring at you so intently you thought his gaze might burn through your skin.

Druig shrugs lightly in response to your question. “I just like looking at you” he answers eventually, continuing to scan your face, the most serene smile gracing his face.

“Hmph” you scoff gently, not believing his answer. “I think there’s more to it than that” you tease lightly, booping him on the nose with your finger. He just shrugs again, chuckling to himself softly.

“Whaaat?” You whine, also half laughing. “What is it?” you plead.

“I’m just thinking about us” he says almost nonchalantly. Your eyebrows crease worriedly.

“What about us?” You ask, a small panic suddenly settling over you.

“No, it’s nothing bad my love” he reassures you quickly. He sits up, twisting around so he can face you.

“I’m just thinking about how lucky I am to have found you” he says earnestly. You crinkle your nose again, almost uncomfortable by the sudden sincerity and intensity of his words.

“I’m serious, my love” he carries on. He gently places his hands on your face, caressing your cheeks. You grip his wrists with your hands gently, stroking the back of his hands with your thumbs.

“Out of all the lifetimes I’ve lived,” he continues, "out of all the people in the world, what was the likelihood of jumping out of my life and into your arms?” he breathes. The beauty of his words almost takes your breath away.

“I have lived on this planet for so many years. I have lived in so many different places, met an infinite amount of people, and yet I always felt somehow alone in this world. I always felt like an outsider, unable to really settle amongst these people. I have spent literal centuries alone” he carries on, whispering earnestly. You stare at him, tears threatening your eyes at his heartbreaking revelation.

"Until you” he states finally. “The best decision I ever made was leaving my life in the Amazonian and moving here to be with you.” You can’t help the smile that spreads across your face at his words.

Druig goes quiet again, a slight crease appearing between his eyebrows, as if he was searching for the right words.

“I think perhaps it’s easier if I just show you” he whispers finally. Now a crease takes place in your forehead as you raise an eyebrow slightly at him in question.

“Do you trust me?” He asks, a sudden serious edge taking over his voice.

“With my life” you answer instinctively. A small but somehow sad smile takes over his face.

“I am not asking you to trust me with your life. I am asking you trust me with your mind” he says as he traces a finger over your forehead, down your nose, gently brushing over your lips before he returns his hand to palm your cheek again. You push your head forward against his hands.

“I trust you Druig” you assure him. His smile grows ever so slightly at your confirmation.

He then leans forward, placing his forehead against yours, your noses brushing lightly. You see his eyes begin to glow gold as your head suddenly empties of thoughts. You close your eyes, allowing your mind to be taken over.

You’re suddenly seeing yourself.

You’re in a bar in Camden, you can see Sersi and Dane next to you at the table you’re sharing. You see yourself look up and meet the eyes you were currently looking through. You see yourself smile bashfully.

It doesn’t take you long to realise this was the first night you and Druig met. The night when Sersi had finally convinced her grumpy ‘cousin’ to visit her in London and meet her boyfriend and her best friend.

You were seeing yourself through Druig’s eyes. All the memories you share, suddenly seen through his perspective.

The image swims, moving on to later that night when Dane is drunkenly singing karaoke in the bar as Sersi claps in the front row. You’re sat back at the bar with Druig, enjoying the scene from a distance. You remember this moment vividly yourself. You and Druig had talked almost all night. You’d been so enwrapped in your conversation it was like the entire bar had disappeared around you, as if all that existed in that moment was you and Druig. From his perspective now it seemed as if the situation read the same to him as well. This memory showing nothing but a blurred background surrounding the vivid image of you smiling and laughing at whatever Druig had said at the time.

The picture swims again.

Another night in Camden. This time it was your first date, the first time Druig had taken you out without Sersi and Dane as company. You had spent the entire day showing him around Camden. The markets, the stables, all of the hidden alleys you’d discovered over the years. Your date had lasted all day and went well into the night, the two of you not wanting the moment to end. Of course it had eventually though.

The image jumps to the end of that night, Druig walking you to the door of your apartment. You can see yourself standing outside your apartment door, looking at the floor awkwardly. You see Druig’s gaze dip from your eyes to your lips, flitting between the two. You can see yourself continuing to ramble awkwardly. Finally you see Druig’s arms reach out to grab your arms, pulling you against him, the picture going to black as you feel lips brush against yours. You feel your lips brushing against Druig’s.

The images start to swim again. More memories of Druig’s, more moments with you.

The first argument you had. You yelling with tears in your eyes.

The moment when you made up, you looking at him contentedly as he placed a kiss to your forehead.

You feel a pain in your chest. Looking at your tearful self you realised it the moment Druig had to return to his Amazonian compound.

You’re suddenly in an unfamiliar environment, a wooden cabin you’d never seen before. It was Druig’s back in the Amazonian forest. You suddenly feel the freedom and exhilaration in the moment he made the decision to pack up his life in the Amazonian to move to London and be with you.

You see your new empty apartment. You see yourself in Druig’s arms as he spins you around happily.

You see yourself cooking your first meal in the apartment, the gaze peeking over your shoulder as Druig had wrapped himself around you from behind.

You then see yourself laying on your bed. Your legs spread wide. You’re looking up at yourself, the gaze situated down between your thighs. You see your body arching, you breasts pushed up into the air. You can feel your own hand twisting in Druig’s hair tightly as his tongue buries itself inside you.

Now you see yourself writhing in the bed beneath Druig’s gaze. Your eyes are closed, your face in a state of complete bliss. You see the perspective jolt as Druig thrusted in and out of you. You watch yourself fall apart under his touch, your mouth hanging open, your eyebrows knitted together. You can feel your nails dig into Druig’s back.

A thousand moments flash in your mind until at last you’re looking up at yourself again. You can feel hands playing with your hair.

You realise suddenly that this was from just minutes ago. It was your hands playing with Druig’s hair that you were feeling. You were seeing your content face from where Druig was resting in your lap. You see your nose crinkle the moment you had noticed the way he was staring at you.

The image suddenly fades, an inky black taking over the picture.

You feel yourself spilling back into your own mind. Your eyes flutter open just in time to see the gold fading from Druig’s. He looks at you moment longer before speaking again.

“My beautiful, beautiful y/n. Can you see how much I love you? Can you feel it?” He whispers. A tear escapes you as you nod your head against his.

“Yes” you whisper, your voice almost breaking. “And I love you equally in return you know” you breathe before gently placing your lips on his.

—————

Masterlist

A/N: okay so I actually really like this song now, thank you Lea for giving me this request and making me listen to it!!🖤✨ Also apologies it took a little while for me to get it done, but I really hope you liked it!🥺🥰 Also no I will never stop with the ‘my beautiful beautiful’ line, idc

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