#bc i have a new perspective. and i need a new approach.

[moe-broey]

Do you ever think about Triandra grieving for the childhood she lost when she was forced to kill her father, and the emotional burden of hiding the truth from Peony? And how Triandra feels her anger towards her father will make people view her as despicable?

MAN........ I've absolutely been rotating this in my brain... I'm very much still in the early stages of parsing out How to write her, and huge props to everyone who helped me consider the broader picture too (category 5 tunnel vision incident 😓)

LIKE. ABSOLUTELY these are huge impactful things about her... I think something else I was reminded of that was really significant to look directly at was, how her lost memories also affect her mental/emotional state. And the fact that it's not just a case of repressing the memories psychologically (though, I think you could take creative liberties and explore that route on top of what happened canonically). It's Freyja who wipes Triandra's and Plumeria's memories whenever it becomes too painful for the girls or inconvenient for Freyja, as well as a way to keep them dependent on her. And like I talked a lot about the girls not being able to process what happened to them, having to grow around the pain, but I think what I completely neglected to consider was well!!! How COULD they even address it, if their memories were also being shut down and locked up within themselves.

So like... absolutely, and I have been thinking about this nonstop, I do have to reconsider A Lot in how I was approaching How To Write Triandra. She really would be starting completely from square one. Which, I think that aspect went over my head a bit cause personally, I'm so far beyond that point? And I think, because of that, I was REALLY struggling to even place where to start when attempting to capture her, haha. I think maybe I was ten steps ahead of where I really should be starting!

LIKE!! Before I get way too off topic LMFAO, I think what you're asking is what I was asking myself. I was REALLY fixated on the father-murder bit (because. Well. It is significant). But now, I almost think, I have to go further back?? Like, emotional processing-wise. Augh... but also full disclosure I AM still having A Lot of trouble pinning anything down LMFAOO

I think. To best answer your question. I think, the grief of lost childhood would have to come much later. After maybe, unpacking the reality of her situation, and fully internalizing that it (wasn't her fault? That's what I want to say, but also, I'm unsure what the trauma work response would be for a child who killed their parent in self-defense/to protect a younger child). I do know, she would have to work through her beliefs that she's irredeemable, despicable, nothing but trouble, before she can even get to the point of grieving for herself. I think, what would make this more difficult for her is her current role as a bringer of nightmares -- not only does she have this horrifying burden from her childhood, she also feels terrible about having to give mortals nightmares. Which is something current-day for her that reinforces her belief that she's a bad person, that she does nothing but cause trouble and make others suffer. (Now may be a good time to disclose I'm a bit behind on the current FBs rn LMFAO, but I do like the direction they're taking/I really believe it's overdue!!! Recontextualizing nightmares as either information that can be useful for someone to navigate in their waking hours, or maybe there's a handful of strange individuals who Want to have nightmares. For. Reasons 👍) And we haven't even GOTTEN to Peony yet!!!!!! AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Any which way! As I parse out the story I want to write, a huge shift in approach is tone. I think, what needs to be most present, is compassion. There's still conflict, I still really want to characterize her as somewhat antagonistic -- I think, maybe, she doesn't know how else to reach out. And I still want there to be apprehensiveness, a practicality that can be cold. But at the core, I really want there to be kindness. And I think that Was always the goal, but again! I do think I've had to change the way I've been thinking about it! 😅 Just like. Compassion! ENHANCE

[thedevotionaltour]

i havent even read enough gl to justify the feelings and emotions i have about kyle i just have the lovers heart and also something wrong with me. and my projection. in my mind he's just like me. and he would have loved college vending machine frozen cheeseburger and heating it up in the microwave at 1 in the morning because he was bored and didn't want to work on a drawing assignment on 20" x 30" paper that was due tomorrow in his freshman year. he would have loved going to the club to push off finals work that's creating the worst stress known to man in his brain. and he would love to annoy the fuck out of his roommate when high and avoiding homework on a saturday.

[zzencat]

Your Best Qualities - Current ⏳

From left to right. Breathe and choose.

Some of your best qualities in 5 bullet points! Decided we’d get a post to remind you of your best qualities, in case any of you guys are feelin’ down or going thru some tough weather. Let’s bring it back and focus on the good :)

To enhance accuracy before choosing: Clear your mind. Time is now patient and still. Close your eyes, inhale deeply, fill your chest up to the fullest, feel the soft air brush up against the ridges of your nose. Breathe out.

—————————

Pile 1. Feels like family…

• you’re definitely capable of bringing peace to others or keeping harmony within your own relationships, whether they be platonic or romantic — mediator skills or a person with good judgment

• you think twice before making moves or saying things — able to find balance between being the listener and being the speaker

• your resilience is unmatched!!!! — emotionally stable and can manage finances well

• loyal and uncaring of what others think — you stick to your crew and keep good people around you

• you’re super creative and your sense of timing is impeccable — you grab opportunities like it’s nothing. it’s like you always know what to say to make others feel good, reassured, comforted, confident

Points of Interest: good natured person or has good intentions in general; balanced af; leadership skills; a good head on your shoulders; extrovert-ambivert/very healthy introvert; entrepreneurial skills; ceo/vice president/secretary vibes; the type that listens to both sides of the story before acting; calm and peaceful; bounces back easily; thoughtful; considerate; family oriented; cares for others as well as oneself; clear minded; good work-life balance; open-minded; cautious in decision making; “confident” - justin bieber; good self esteem; good attitude; faith in your abilities; optimistic; creative; cares a lot for animals; people like being around you; possible mbti: healthy exxj, enxp, ixxj

—————————————

Pile 2. I got your back.

• intimidating and classified as a loner, but in the best way possible — you either have an expanse of knowledge OR do a great deal of self-reflection — very intuitive person (EXTREMELY)

• BIG, BIIIIIIG defender energy. when it comes to defending yourself or those you love, no one can do it better than you (have you ever considered being a lawyer btw?) — potential to be materially abundant and wealthy

• you empathize and feel for others easily, even when nobody else sees it or thinks that you do (but I’ll tell ya rn, most of the time you’re the most empathetic person in the room) — in a world full of evil, you’d make villains cry and can actually help them turn a new leaf — your level of empathy and understanding is on a totally different level

• independent and mature — if people come to anyone for advice or counseling, or just a good ear, it’s you

• you are very deep and insanely caring under the surface — you might approach things logically first and try to see things from all points of view before making a decision or advising other people — you really do have the biggest heart and only those who are close can see it

Points of Interest: introvert; very smart; spends a lot of time alone; VERY LOYAL !!!!!! (almost to the point of possessiveness); may need to work on control issues and rebalancing social life; communicates differently from others; sees things from a different perspective; offers good advice; good listeners; prone to pushing people away bc you start caring too much; knows who to trust and who not to; selective; secretly creative; very nurturing but kinda doesn’t want to show it; humble/modest/doesn’t want to be seen; wants to help people but doesn’t want to be put in the spotlight for it; you’ve felt more hurt/seen more trauma than those around you; defending like their lives depend on it; perfectionists; behind the scenes, extremely intuitive; possible mbti: inxj, healthy exxj

————————-

Pile 3. Life of The Party

• confident, outgoing, charismatic, funny as hell — there’s a lot of charm to you — you carry the energy fam, no you ARE the energy — you laugh/smile easily or cause others to

• highly ambitious and have the will to fight for what you want — you’d prob be the last one standing in a mr. beast challenge

• you light up the room !! (i keep hearing “baby, you light up my world like nobody else by 1D 😂😂😂) — potential for fame/someone in the public eye/someone in a position of power

• mischievous and fun to be around/has the most jokes — always up for a challenge or touching grass activities lmfaooo you’re always down to hang out — you don’t care if you look like an idiot as long as you’re having fun or are out with friends/family

• you don’t give up easily and take opportunities as they come — persistent, stubborn and strong-willed — you’ve achieved many things or definitely will in no time

Points of Interest: A-Class comedian; daredevil; extroverted or highly energetic; prominent fire energy, possible zodiac signs that are prominent in your natal chart (sun, moon, or rising): aries, leo, sagittarius; mistakenly seen as the leader of a group; impulsive; instigator; jumps on opportunities immediately; wearing what you want; impatient/bored easily; fast-paced; has the most friends/wants to have the most friends; easily sociable; questionable decision making, but has the most experience; likes to experiment; has seen a lot in life/plans to see a lot in life; probably a fan of fast and scary rollercoasters; among leaders, you’re the “fun” leader; confident with self-image

——————————

Teddy note: what is guuuuuuud guys!!?!?! I’m feelin pretty nice today so I thought I’d put this out for you all as a reminder of your good qualities 😊👍 we’ve all been working pretty hard lately!! Whether that’s on your physical, mental, emotional health—it’s all very draining to do SO I hope this reminds you of things you should remember to be proud of!! It’s a checkpoint! I hope it resonates with you and if not, leave it. Thank you v much guys 😎😎

Feedback through likes, comments, and feedback and very much supported!!

[psychelis-new]

pick a pile: "I love you because..."

take a breath and choose the photo or number that calls you the most to read a love confession for you. it could be a friend, a colleague, someone you help/ed, a family member, your guides or ancestors, your higher self or your present/future partner/spouse. meditate to put yourself in a receiving mode and go check your one, dear soul. enjoy your Valentine's day: whether you feel lonely or not, whether you are in a relationship or not, know that you are deeply loved.

if you rather get a message from your present/future partner/spouse, check my instagram @/psychelis.new

don’t take the reading too seriously. only take what resonates with you and leave the rest. if you're not called by any pile, let this reading slid as it may not hold messages for you. if you're called by more than one pile, there may be messages in each of those piles. remember that is a general reading and some things may not resonate with you. energies can change and readings are based on present ones (as you read); you're always in charge of your life.

(photos found on unsplash)

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1 2 3 4

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pile 1

I love you of a quiet pure respectful love, because you're strong and brave and you taught me that struggles can be overcome and new goals can always be reached. You taught me a lot also about love and friendship: maybe you don't know, but I have been going through a very tough situation and finding you/having you near, listening to you, helped me so much. You were (and are) like a dream come true to me. You made me stronger, inspired me and helped me move on with a lot of confidence and hopefulness more, and I'll always be thankful to you for this. I am not sure you know about this, about my feelings, I always look at you from a distance and freeze in awe in front of your kindness and beautiful smile. I would like to approach you and thank you personally but I am not sure you would accept it from me. I am still afraid to be abandoned or to disappoint you but I am sure one day I will be able to change this also thanks to you. One day I will be bold enough and thank you properly. I am working to get ready for that day and have no more fear.

[more symbols/signs: fairytales, children, The Little Prince (the dialogue with the fox in particular), fox, star, comets; could be friend, sb in your same school/job place crushing on you, ex, -online- admirer, childhood friend/crush; I'm getting lot of school-related/young energy, could even be a student if you're a teacher or sth; it seems someone who isn't used to kindness and gentleness/support and bc of this you made them addicted to this side of yours]

song: fetish | selena gomez, gucci mane

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pile 2

I love you because you guide me and give me peace. Your voice is like a tender sound calming my nerves, your words are warm and embracing me anytime I need love. You came up unexpectedly and brought the wind of change with you, a warm tender soft one that caresses me and plays with my hair making me smile of a peaceful smile. Something I could hardly experience before. I love you because you help me feel better and change/grow for the better. You've helped me cleansing from my toxic past and you made me see things from a different perspective. Like in a snap of fingers, everything went from chaos to calm, in my mind and in my heart. You always know what to say to bring me back on my feet, to balance me, and you guide me in every move I take. I am thankful for having you by my side, my true anchor and gentle loving sister soul. Never cease to speak to me, I love listening to your ideas and words, you always sing the most beautiful song in my ears, just for me to listen to.

[more symbols/signs: water, emotions, rain/rainy day, wind, sound, dreamcatcher, weather vane, bells, air signs; possible strong mental/5d connection; could be a soulmate (romantic or platonic), also a colleague or family member/ancestor or your partner's higher self]

song: every breath you take | denmark + winter

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pile 3

I love you because amidst all of the chaos, there you were and still are. I love you cause you always wear a smile and try to keep your joy with you, and share it around. I love you cause of your sweet tender habit to dance and turn around everytime you're happy. I love you for all the beauty you bring with you, even if you cannot see it. I love your regal side and your cute side. I love all the different people you are, especially your curios self, never ceasing to learn more of what's around you (please keep yourself safe). I love how you can lose yourself daydreaming about love and what's next for you, but also how you are so easy to distract... Maybe you should focus more, yes, but who cares? I like to distract you too cause when you notice you always get so pouty and offended with me and that's so very cute. Please try to let go of the past, trust yourself. I know you hurt still, but better things will come and you know it too. Don't let the anxiety/worries take over you, stay confident and trust that all will be great. I will also help you make it so.

[more signs/symbols: crowds, -long time- friend/s, studying together, raincoat, jeans, flirting; feels a classmate or friend -maybe a group of friends-, possibly someone crushing on you; young energy but especially from you here so the person/people could be "older" for some of you]

song: golden hour | jvke

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pile 4

I love you because that's what I was born for. I love you cause that's my duty, to care for you and protect you. But I also love you because you resemble me: you're determined, confident and you work for your dreams. You don't let anything or anyone bring you down and even if you don't feel this way now, I know you have it inside of you. You just need to believe again in all that you really are, you just need to remember who you really are. Let me in, let me help you remember it all. Let me help you give you your power back. We can have it all again, together. Don't let the demons you have learned to live with, govern you: you're the one in charge of putting them back to their place. You're the one able to give yourself all that you want, love included. Take care of you, give yourself breaks and get ready: a lot is in store for us. I'm sorry you have/had to wait so much. Please forgive me.

[more symbols/signs: vinyl, music, nostalgia, dancing, gala, Europe, dresses, castle, deep heart connection; possible past life connection (around 1700-1800 centuries; kingdoms); power couple; possible ex/situationship that now is on hold or future partner/spouse, guides/ancestors/departed pet or higher self; in all honesty the first message I got is the last line I wrote. Much more than the reasons they love you for, they wanted you to know how much they long for you now]

song: in the name of love | bebe rexha, martin garrix

[angelwhisp3rs]

∞ ₒ ˚ ° 𐐒 obsession

Pairing: ID!Leon x Fem!Reader

Summary: Training the rookies was a pain until he met her. His sweetest new obsession, he wouln't stop till he was buried deep inside her.

Tags: smut, fluff, age gap (not too much! i imagined leon being 37 and the reader being 23-25, so everyone is legal and consenting! Its not his age in ID but i use it only bc of the character background), p in v, eating out, riding, breeding kink, leon is obsessed!, a small housewife kink.

↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺ on repeat: exo - obsession

Notes: Got too excited and posted without proofreading it! If i missed anything, please let me know so i can correct it! Also, when will tumblr make a pastel pink theme for the dashboard? I hate that everything we have is either a sad/gloomy hipster or raging gothic theme.

From all his years working at the D.S.O, Leon was stressed pretty much all the time, never catching a break, too exhausted. That showed on the increasing wrinkles forming from his frowns, and the occasional white hair that appeared on top of his head. In his non-existent breaks, he had another thing on his belt: training the new agents.

At first, it was a pain in the ass, watching those morons do the same mistake over and over, it really made Leon think it was getting too easy to be a D.S.O agent. Some repeated the same mistakes over and over again, and because of it, Leon frequently lost his patience, soon getting known as a hardass. 

As time went by, he began losing hope for the future of the department, until she came through. Pretty body, voice as soothing as a canary and delicious lips that called for him. And the best thing was that she was better than all of these morons, throwing down even the experienced rookies.

Since Ada, Leon didn’t know what it was like to be this obsessed with a woman. He wanted to know her next step, have her by his side all the time, know how her soft skin feels underneath his rough fingertips. He dreamed of her, and caught himself checking her out more than he should. Chris always teased him in private, telling him “his star student is making him turn back to his twenties”. God, they had a small age gap, but thinking about it only made his cock throb. Maybe dealing with rookies made his mind turn him back to his twenties.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

As their “graduation” got closer in time, all the new agents began training more, but none were like her. She came in first and left after all of them, always using the training gym by herself the most she could. Taking advantage of the opportunity, Leon offered private training, becoming a private tutor to her.

Instead of making things easy, it just caused him to become even more addicted to her - he now knew her thoughts, her quirks and her perspectives. As they spent more and more time together, it was clear that she found him attractive too - he knew he was still successful with women, after all (even if he was more dumped than anything). Leon had cemented in his mind that he needed her, and now he just needed to find a way to approach her.

She will be all his.

'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵'•.¸♡ ♡¸.•'

One of the nights, he had to spend in his office reading and filing boring documents, Leon heard a gentle knock on his door. “Come  in” he simply answered, and to his surprise - and excitement, it was his little star. She entered his office, and her usual sparkly eyes were dull, the poor thing was too tired, working herself too much.

“What happened, rookie? You look exhausted. Working too much to bring me down?” Leon said with a smirk

“Ha, you wish, sir.” Oh, how that term made his pants tighten. “I just came for help, I don’t know. I’ve been focusing on sharpening my skills for the admission test, but I don’t know…” she said unsure

“Hey, don’t tell the rest, but you’re the only one that I would bet on getting in” he reassured her, standing up and taking a seat beside her in his couch “You’re too much in your head, agent”

“I know, I just can’t turn it off…” she whined, making Leon think how she would sound if he made her cum around his cock 

That 's it. That was Leon’s chance to get his favorite student. He put a hand on her thigh, not too close to her precious cunt and said quietly to her “It’s alright, sweetheart… I can help you, if you want”

She knew where this was going, and it turned her on more than she thought. Feigning innocence, she pulled a strand of her hair behind her ear, nodding “But… How, sir?” and looked at his lips

Leon smiled, caressing her jaw “let me fill your mind, rookie. Why don’t you sit at my desk, hm?” 

She stood up and slowly went to his desk, sitting on it and letting her head fall to the side, as if to question him “what’s next?” with her body language. Leon follows her, standing between her legs and letting his hands caress the outer side of her thighs. His face lowers to her neck, his kisses and his stubble causing a warm sensation to run through her skin. A soft gasp left her lips, her hands caressing the back of his head.

Feeling him smirk against her skin, he kept placing slow and gentle kisses, adding some nibbles on the mix “That’s what my best student needs, right? A real man to touch her”

He lays her on his desk, pushing his papers aside, pulling her hips into his - his cock adding a nice weight to her sensitive wetness. He slowly pushed her shirt up, watching her beauty for a moment “You’re perfect, baby”. As he whispered the praise, her cheeks blushed more, a soft giggle leaving her lips. He finally kissed her lips and both were hungry for each other, to quench the thirst they had been accumulating after months. 

Leon swiftly undoes her bra, not wasting any time and circling his tongue around her nipples, sucking and lightly nibbling it. Underneath him, her breath quickens, as she whines freely as he teased her. Trying to ease their ache, Leon grinds their centers together, his cock so hard that his zipper presses against his member.

Soon, he removed her pants, kissing as her skin showed - inch by inch. Again, his stubble creates goosebumps in her legs, as he worshiped her body - she deserved it, after all, he wanted to make her addicted to him and his taste. Watching her panties so drenched as they were glued to her pussy, he couldn't help but nuzzle into her bundle of nerves, causing a gentle jump on her. He kissed and licked the wet spot, as if trying to eat her up. 

“F-fuck, please take them off, sir” she whined, not even realizing that she kept the term. Leon, deciding that he wasn’t in a teasing mood, guided the clothing down, letting his pretty star all spread on his desk - his to take, to tease, to fuck, to breed. 

“Shit, baby girl, you are so wet for your teacher… you wanted me to take you, right? You wanted me to go crazy and drench my face with you. huh?” He teased her as he got on his knees, aligning his face against her cunt. She was so red, puffy and wet, not even the most delicious candy could compare to her.

His tongue tasted her at first with kitten licks, causing a loud moan to rip from her mouth. “Keep quiet, sweetheart. We don’t want anyone coming here and seeing you spread out like a needy slut, right?” at his comment, and as if teasing her, he finally sucked and rolled his tongue around her clit, letting his index finger circle her wet entrance. Almost as if she was distressed, she cupped her mouth with her hand, rolling her eyes back at the pleasure. 

Pushing his finger forward, slowly, until he's entirely inside her, he kept eating her out with gusto, as if he was a starved man. Soon, what was one finger turned into two, her juices were flowing through his palm as he began to be more desperate for her - but he wouldn’t stop till she let him taste her entirely. “It feels good, doesn’t it, my doll? I’m the only man and only one for you, gonna make sure to keep this pussy satisfied till I die”.

His fingers and mouth worked more ferociously, pussy drunk wasn’t even close to describe how he was feeling.On the other end, she had tears in her eyes as one hand didn’t leave her mouth as the other one tugged his hair hard, making him moan against her drenched cunt. “S-sir, o-oh g-god…need to c-cum!” she pleased, looking down at him with glazed eyes.

“Do it, baby girl, give it to me” he ushered her, maintaining the pace till she finally coated his fingers, tongue and mouth with her essence. As her ‘little death’ came, she felt as if fireworks erupted inside her mind - none of her exams daring to creep up on her mind.

He praised and marked her thighs as she came down from her high. The girl pulled Leon into a passionate kiss, smiling in contentment, reaching cloud 9000. Pulling away, she whispered against his lips “Let me repay you, Leon. Wanna make you feel just as good”

“Not today, doll.” He whispered, sitting back in his chair and pulling his pants and underwear down, patting his lap “I know how to help you even further”, he said with a wicked glint in his eyes.

Like an excited bunny, she hopped off his desk and jumped into his lap, resuming her kisses on his mouth - casually descending into his jaw and neck, enjoying the pleased hums that he lets out. He palmed her ass and firmly grabbed it, giving some gentle smacks as she had his fun with him. To Leon, in all of his life, that was his happiest moment: having his pretty princess on his lap, all naked, hypnotized in kissing and feeling him up. 

“Go ahead, baby, let me finally empty your mind and use you” he calmly ordered her, caressing her cheeks adoringly. Soon, she positioned herself and slowly sat down on his cock, rolling her eyes back and holding into his chair behind him. 

“S-so b-big…” she moaned, her head falling into his shoulders as the girl swallowed all of him. She was so tight, wet and perfect, Leon almost came deep in her cunt just by her inserting him. His head got dizzy for a moment, his hold on her ass tightening, as he grunted and pressed his eyes closed. 

Dedicatedly, she began jumping up and down on his cock, their skin slapping as the woman looked directly into his eyes. If anyone saw them at that moment, they would attest that both had heart in their eyes. her tits jumped up and down in front of him, making his tongue and fingers play with them as the couple lost their minds in pleasure.

“Good job, doll… jumping on my cock like the good girl you are… it’s all for you, always for you” he said rambling in pleasure,  busying his mouth to tell her praises and roll her sensitive nipples on his tongue, as her cunt drenched his cock, causing a white ring at the base.

Holding tightly into the back of his chair, her hips worked even faster on him, making Leon moan more frequently in pleasure, slapping her ass, leaving behind his handprints on her pretty skin. His head falls back as he watches the goddess in front of him taking what's hers and milking his cock into her hungry pussy. He would make sure that she passed her admission check, so every end of shift he would breed her cunt, till she is finally all of his - the mother of his children, his pretty wife. But that’s a talk for later.

After some minutes pass, Leon takes over and thrusts from below, making her body turn into his own ragdoll, her moans flowing freely into his mouth. Some minutes passed, and both were on the brink of their orgasm, so close to reaching their true paradise “Will you let me fill you, doll? Make your womb so full of me, gonna make you get home with me drenching on your legs” he taunted her.

Not handling much more teasing, and his words serving as a catalyst to her peak, she nods and coats his cock with her sweet arousal, biting down on his shoulder to drown out her sounds. Her roughness and the new tight hold on his cock makes him spill into her gummy walls, emptying himself. Finally, he marked her as his. His doll, his love, his property.

Both were coming down from their highs, trying to control their breathing, letting their heartbeat slow down. He caressed her hair, kissing her cheeks and nuzzling their noses together, all smiles. “So, did I help?” he asked jokingly.

“Didn’t even know why I came here” she answers teasingly.

From now on, Leon would never be exhausted for the wrong reasons ever again.

[gem-de-lune]

Vibe Check 11/20

The lights are back on, so here is a feelings read. I did a read for their collective and 4 members who were the most willing. Will do ALL tmw in prep for MAMA LA.

Riize as a collective

Ace of Pentacles + The Moon + 3 of Swords + Knight of Swords

So the general consensus is that as a collective, the members are feeling both determined and fearful/worried of an outcome. Which leads me to believe they are abt to do something drastic?? The Ace with the Moon symbolizes new tangible results, but they do not know what they will be. They have no clue how it will resolve.

This brings anxieties with the 3 of swords and a lot more "paper" aspects at play (could be contracts) but seeing how they are all depicted as being crumbled up aside from the one the knight is writing it seems they will very soon be taking some sort of strategic and 100% intentional action here that will be rather significant in their perspective to their stance. They are very very serious about it but the energy is really really like "we are all in this together"....i think when someone said they are opening up bc they landed in LA that is 100% true. They feel safer?

Sungchan

Ace of Coins + 9 of Wands + 10 of Wands + Ace of Chalices

He is feeling a bit brave? Courageous even? There is a burden here in the 10 of Wands that has been released all of a sudden with the Ace of wands. It's almost a story about having run away from something and now feeling free and renewed. Two Aces here are not a coincidence. Its "new" energy. There is a clear intention to persevere and move past something that was restraining him before.

If I had tondescribe how he is doing he is feeling "fresh" and energetic as if he has prepared for something very well.

Seunghan

The Moon + King of Swords + 6 of Wands

He has taken on quite an active position here due to the King of Swords and the 6 of Wands. The vibe is kinda still his signature "go with the flow" but with very clear intent. Seunghan will probably always bee this way in that he cannot NOT accept an outcome in the end- he won't be that resentful himself either. But he WILL still try his best so long as he has the support and people rallying behind him. With the king here, although the moon clouds his path, he has clearity in his intentions towards his goal which is ultimately the 6 of Wands representing victory. He his climbing towards his desired outcome alongside others at the moment. He is doing his best. He is in very masculine energy atm.

In short, he is feeling very driven and determined, perhaps even anticipating a great outcome or at least a good time along the way trying to get there.

Anton

Justice + The Magician + 4 of Chalices + Knight of Wands

This combination is giving kind of "hero" energy? But what stood out to me here is all the women present. This deck actuall has a lot of women, but the fact that this stood out I think cannot be ignored. There is some kind of collaborative element or "leader" thing going on directed towards a particular female. Perhaps this factor is freshly on Anton's mind or he particularly attributes how he feels to be thanks to this woman. She is older than him but not very old, who is either pulling the strings or helped him come up with an idea here. She is very active in assisting them at this time. Due to this, Anton is feeling like he could absolutely take on the world- like he just became captain America or smth. He isn't willing to settle. He isn't willing to conpromise. He is being a bit abrasive and is confident in his stance and opinions. He also must simply feel that American air of freedom lowkey lmfao.

Overall the vibe is that he has a job to do and he's gonna get it done (oh-weyo-weyo)

Wonbin

8 of Cups + 6 of Coins + The Empress

Don't be weary of the 8 of cups here. It is more symbolizing a fear but at the same time an understanding that things and the approach taken will need to change drastically from what was done previously. The other cards indicate the way things will be changing. Wonbin has always had Empress energy, and I think with the 6 of coins it is indicating some past behavior of letting bygones be bygones in a way? Like just putting on a smile to grin and bear it in a fan setting. I don't think he has settled on his attitude going forward towards SM and certain fans. But i see this in two possible ways- either he will do a complete 180 from his previous gentle persona towards certain audiences, OR, HE will be making some very selfish decisions rooted in his own Empress energy. Meaning the things and people he cares about.

He will make decisions for those things and those things only, rather than the things and choices that burdened him before.

Final Notes:

I'm sure yall know this, but Riize is 7 btw

[mourninglamby]

hello, i started following you recently and i love your art and view on dsmp to pieces !! an incredibly insightful approach that i have never seen back in the day nor now 🫶

and sorry if you answered this before or made a post about it, but do you think that ctommy viewed cw*l but as brother ? i agree that they aren’t brothers in general and that their relationship is to its core a terrifying case of codependency, but do you think at least from ctommys end it could be described as familial love, even if it was not reciprocated in the same way?

firstly, i appreciate that ! i think a key reason why new perspectives on dsmp have emerged is bc we see the writers as they truly are now. Messy, abusive, complicated people have written this story and now, for some key players at least, we have the rare ability to parse why it ended so terribly. The way the story (mis)handles the issues and themes they engaged with in real life were bound to be dissected like this after all that came out.

As for ur question, yes, I do think c!Tommy holds familial love for c!wil. A key factor in the creation of a codependent dynamic is ... well, let's just say mental conditioning. The one in power will heavily push themselves as the ultimate mentor/authority/guide, which is instilled through love bombing and isolation tactics. C!Tommy viewing c!Wilbur as a brother is one of the main reasons c!wil was able to take advantage of his loyalty, and in c!Wil's eyes, this justifies any mistreatment as "brotherly quarreling." C!Tommy's fondness for him also masks instances of c!Wilbur abusing his power. His hysterical venting to this teenager that adores him about how he wants to die, blow up a city, and take everyone with him, is easily repackaged as a "familial" issue. I can corroborate this because it's something c!Wilbur himself has both denied as form of punishment, and invoked when he needs something from c!Tommy. The codepdendent dynamic works to downplay c!Tommy's pain and minimize the severity of c!Wilbur's treatment of him.

That's not to say c!tommy's feelings aren't real, though! I know he truly looked up to and loved him at one point, and still might, but it's definitely more complicated than a yes or a no. Especially after years of conditioning. I personally believe he still loves him, I just don't think that emotion outweighs (nor should it have to) the trauma c!Wil inflicted.

[disco-troy]

I would argue this to be in character bc Dicks issues with consent. But there’s one big glaring issue with this perspective on Dick and that’s the years he spent as leader of the titans with Joey on the team and the way he approached Joeys power set.

Because Dick used Joeys powers - the same as deadman’s of possession - strategically and often in order to accomplish the teams goals and didn’t seem to have any moral qualms about it.

There’s a few ways to see this, right -

A) Dick's definition of "innocent" is doing a lot of work here - most of the people Dick asks Joey to posses - aren’t “innocent” they are criminals and henchmen or somewhat complicit in crimes. he doesn't like when people are possessed but he sees it as a necessary evil and he has to be practical more than moral - and so he makes a line to do with perceived innocence and sticks to it.

B) but that doesn't account for the times that Dick has asked Joey to posses people on the team or people that are not directly responsible for a crime - like when Vic gets angry and Dick asks Joey to posses him until he agrees to calm down. This is so so fucked up for so many ways - espcially to vic who at this point in the timeline is THE MOST fucked up about consent

“You haven’t given us a choice” as if this is an impersonal decision and not a revoking of bodily autonomy and ability to express emotion. No one on the team seems to see anything wrong with it except Vic (hint it’s bc they’re all fucked up about consent :))

^^ B is kind of an extension of A - the idea of "necessary" evil. It just shows that Dick is willing to stretch that definition as far as it needs to go. He may know morally what he's doing is wrong but he will not confront it because he is filling it under necessary evils. Anything can be necessary, it’s not the person to which the consent is revoked but the context in which it is.

C) another option is the Joey of it all. Dick is close to Boston, in some continuities they have an uncle-nephew relationship - Boston famously says Dick is the only guy in the superhero community everyone can trust.

But Joey is on a whole other level. Despite being introduced as Slade's son, there's something about Joey that Dick trusted from the start and maybe that bit of trust, of seeing and believing in Joeys innate kindness and struggle with his powers (as opposed to Boston enjoining it in this scene) helped Dick dimiss the lingering feelings about the morality... its Joey... Who would mind Joey in them…. (pun not intended im sorry)

D) Finally there's the time component - maybe as he grew up Dick started to refect on his past, his decisions, his role as a leader. Something that is important to note is that chronologically Dick's issues with consent really ramp up after ntt (though brother blood does happen in ntt) - him struggling w/ bodily consent and getting comments, assult, his name + story being warped, people wanting to control his destiny and identity ect. So I think it would be fair to say that as Dick matures he looks back on the decisions hes made with new eyes and is horrified with what he incidently facilitated. Maybe this newfound wisdom and self reflection is why he makes more of an effort to mention his views to Boston despite that fact that he's worked with Boston with no problem before.

Relevant Dick Grayson thoughts from the Renegade arc:

[charmedreincarnation]

I’m kind of in a similar situation to your college indecisiveness post bc I want to shift but never have the time cuz all this studying. I’m really hating life rn. I’ve tried shifting a few times and managed to detach my awareness from this reality for a few minutes at a time, so i know what works for me, but I never have time to do it. I feel kind of drained that I could be achieving so much but I’m stuck not even having the time cuz I’m not smart enough to get done with all this HW fast enough

TLDR how do I be cool like you and too smart for school to be a big concern? Do I just say f**k it and do a shifting attempt when I’m supposed to be studying?

This was such a sweet ask 😭😭💖 I'm overwhelmed by the sweetness of your words, and I assure you, I'm far from being as cool as you think. In fact, I found myself facing the very same dilemma in the past! Now, I'm not sure if you're looking for some wisdom from Loa or valuable studying tips, so ill share a little bit of both? Also college-related questions/asks have been pouring in lately, so I've decided to address them all right here. I should probably just make it a post but I’ll use this ask as a reference.

Pre law perspective:

So my senior year, was when I really started my journey. It was during this time that I learned about shifting and manifesting (kind of law of attraction) so I naturally attempted everyday and had my focus to that. However, I basically spiraled into burnout and indifference towards school. Tbh It's still a mystery to me how I managed to do fine in school when I basically stopped attending classes mentally and barely did my work.

I've always had ADHD, anxiety, and procrastination issues throughout my high school years, But senior year took it to a whole new level. The boredom and disconnection from my studies were unbearable. I went through the motions, completing my homework, but for classes I didn't enjoy, I mindlessly attended without caring or understanding the material. It was a year filled with academic mediocrity, and certain subjects like AP Calculus and AP Biology, which I didn't even need for my future plans, were absolute torture.

And at the time I didn’t even fully understand what shifting was, But I clung to the notion that school no longer mattered in the grand scheme of things. Looking back, I realize it was a detrimental mentality to have for my well being. If there's one piece of advice I can offer, it's this - find a balance. Avoid burning yourself out completely, but don't neglect your mental well-being either. You are still here, whether you're shifting or not, whether you’re god or not, and whether you're actively manifesting or not. Diving deeper into a negative mental well will not benefit you in any way. Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

As my burnout intensified, I reached a point where I no longer wanted to be alive in this boring ass reality. It became so severe that I almost didn't apply to college. My entire focus was consumed by shifting, and I simply didn't care about anything else. It was my friends who came to my rescue, pushing me to apply and offering unwavering support. Without their guidance and nurturing, I honestly don't know where I would be today.

Eventually, I grew tired of being tired. I began diving into my subliminal journey, creating playlists that combined affirmations for school,success, and luck. I learned the importance of dividing my time wisely. During the second semester, I continued this approach, focusing on school-related practices during the day and dedicating my evenings to shifting attempts.

Affirmations and scripting became the root of my routine too. Miraculously, my grades improved, even when I skipped classes for an entire month or neglected to read the lectures.

I was able to graduate high school with honors, which in itself proves that success or whatever isn’t even just about being naturally "good at school." I worked smarter, not harder and knowing about manifesting really helped with that!

So I really advice you to find a balance in your journey. Don't pour all your energy into just school or just manifesting. Embrace the plethora of easy methods available - scripting, subliminals, binaural beats - and integrate them into your study routine. Make it work in your favor. Treat shifting like a cherished hobby, something that complements your academic pursuits rather than overshadowing them.

Also, set realistic standards for yourself. In high school, I used to obsess over achieving straight A's, disregarding any grade below perfection. Looking back, I realize how misplaced my priorities were. As long as you maintain a mix of A's, B's, and even a few C's, you'll be absolutely fine. Set a goal of achieving a GPA of 3.0 or whatever scale your institution uses, and celebrate every success along the way.

Loa perspective

Ok, now let's talk about the power of the Law of Assumption!

Now that I'm in a place where I give only about 20% of my time and effort to school and still do very well, I can help and reflect on my journey properly. Back in high school, like said I struggled with anxiety and ADHD, and I thought these challenges would hold me back.

Test-taking, deadlines, remembering information it all seemed overwhelming. But you know what helped me? Subliminals.

Listening to subliminals for intelligence and confidence made a significant difference in my life. They boosted my abilities and gave me the belief that I could excel academically. And that belief was everything.

As you probably know the Law of Assumption states that whatever we expect and assume to be true will become our reality. So, I decided to apply this principle to my studies. I assumed that I was capable of achieving great grades with ease. I assumed that school life would be manageable, and I would continuously improve my skills throughout the semester. I always visualized seeing As, revised my past grades, teacher giving me the grade I know I deserve no matter what.

And guess what? It worked! My mindset shifted towards greater productivity, and I started using my time more efficiently. As a result, my grades improved, and I had more time to focus on the things I genuinely enjoyed. It was a game-changer, and it accounted for about 70% of my success. Just imagine that - simply switching my mindset and accepting the positive results from my previous subliminal experiences.

I understand that college can be more stressful and demanding than high school. But it's still the same principle at play. You don't have to drastically change your study habits if you don't want to. Instead, use general resources during the day to aid your studying. And while you're at it, listen to subliminals that align with your goals. Instead of imagining and affirming to yourself that you're a failure and worrying about all the things that could go wrong, shift your focus. Imagine the grade you want, affirm and visualize that no matter what happens on your test, you'll still pass the class with flying colors. Remember, it's just one test, one assignment, and there are so many more opportunities ahead.

General school tips

* Stop checking your grades every day. Seriously, it's only stressing you out. Grades can fluctuate randomly, especially in college (and honestly, even in high school). Instead of obsessing over the numbers, focus on staying on top of your assignments. Keep up with your work, put in your best effort, and trust that alone will reflect in your grades.

* Say no to all-nighters. Trust me, reading the same material for 12 hours straight won't magically make you understand it. If something isn't clicking, it's probably an internal issue. There's no need to spend an entire night alone trying to grasp a single concept. Look for alternative resources like recap lessons on YouTube or seek help from a tutor or classmate. Remember, it's okay to acknowledge what doesn't come naturally to you and instead focus on your strengths.

* Realistically, doing your homework and attending class means you're probably not failing. Even if you're not getting the grade you want, it doesn't mean you're headed for failure. Those big tests that carry a significant weight in your grade may impact your GPA, but they don't define the trajectory of your life. Take a moment to reflect on all the times you thought a single grade would ruin everything, yet here you are, still alive and thriving. You've been through challenges before, and you're stronger than you think. Breathe, remind yourself that you're not alone in these thoughts and stresses, and keep pushing forward.

* Make friends and join class group chats. Trust me, these connections are gold. Joining group chats on platforms like GroupMe or Snapchat allows you to ask questions, collaborate on study guides, and realize that you're not alone in this journey. Even if they're not your closest friends, having a support system within your classes can make all the difference.

* Use EFT tapping for anxiety, especially before tests. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) tapping is not only useful for Law purposes, but it can also work wonders for managing anxiety. Check out my pinned guide on how to use EFT tapping. It has personally helped me immensely, and I hope it does the same for you.

* Work smarter, not harder. The truth is, those who seem to breeze through school while partying every night still manage to graduate and pass just like everyone else. The key is finding shortcuts, utilizing the vast resources available on the internet, and working smarter, not harder. Embrace technology, explore online study tools, and leverage the power of the internet as your greatest friend in this journey.

Here are some free recourses:

Math and Science

1. MathMagic Lite: This app lets you write any mathematical expressions and various scientific symbols easily

2. Equatio: A powerful equation editor that makes it easy to create digital, accessible maths

3. Microsoft Mathematics: Can be used to write mathematical expressions, solve equations, and plot graphs

4. Desmos Scientific Calculator & Graphing Calculator: Utility apps for students and teachers for calculations and graph plotting

5. WolframAlpha: A computational search engine that can solve a wide variety of problems, especially useful for math and science

Article/Video Summarization

6. Smmry: A website that summarizes articles for you

7. TLDR This: A browser extension for quick article summarization

8. Inshorts: An app providing news in 60 words or less

9. Listenable: Converts articles into short audio files

Note-Taking

10. Evernote: A note-taking app where you can jot down thoughts, save things you find online, and even scan physical documents with your phone's camera

11. Microsoft OneNote: Allows for free-form information gathering and multi-user collaboration

12. Notion: An all-in-one workspace where you can write, plan, collaborate, and get organized

Concept Explanation

13. Khan Academy: Offers practice exercises, instructional videos, and a personalized learning dashboard that empower learners to study at their own pace in and outside of the classroom

14. Coursera: Provides universal access to the world’s best education, partnering with top universities and organizations to offer courses online

15. Complexly: A YouTube channel that produces a variety of educational content, including the series Crash Course which covers many different subjects in depth

16. citation machine: you never have to make source citations by yourself. This gives your both in test and citations for your essays and research.

Lastly I’m gonna put all the free resources most colleges offer for free!

Academic Resources

* Online Study Platforms: Websites such as Khan Academy, Coursera, and edX offer free or low-cost courses on a variety of subjects that can supplement your coursework.

* Academic Advising Centers: Most colleges have an academic advising center where students can get guidance on course selection, degree requirements, and academic planning.

* Writing Centers: Writing centers provide assistance with writing assignments, including proofreading, editing, and helping with citations.

* Library Research Databases: Your college library likely subscribes to a number of research databases (like JSTOR, EBSCO, and ProQuest) that can provide access to academic journals, books, and other resources.

2. Career Resources

* Career Centers: These centers offer career counseling, resume reviews, interview preparation, and job search assistance.

* Internship and Co-op Programs: Many colleges have programs that help students find internships or co-op positions in their field of interest.

* LinkedIn Learning: This platform offers courses on a variety of career-related topics, including networking, resume writing, and job interviewing.

3. Mental Health and Wellness Resources

* Counseling Centers: Most colleges offer free or low-cost mental health services to students, including individual therapy, group sessions, and workshops.

* Fitness Centers: Regular exercise is important for both physical and mental health. Most colleges have fitness centers that offer a variety of workout options.

* Mindfulness and Meditation Apps: Apps like Headspace and Calm offer guided meditations that can help reduce stress and improve mental health.

4. Financial Aid Resources

* Financial Aid Office: Your college's financial aid office can provide information on scholarships, grants, work-study opportunities, and student loans.

* FAFSA: The Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA) is the key to accessing federal financial aid, including grants, work-https://www.tumblr.com/charmedreincarnation/712878654521262080/everything-eft-tapping?source=share funds, and loans.

* Scholarship Search Engines: Websites like Fastweb and Scholarships.com can help you find scholarships that you may be eligible for.

Other questions I got

Q: How did you manifest graduating early?

A: Graduating early was always a desire deep within me. I didn't realize it was on track to manifest until I had a meeting with my advisor. Interestingly, when I found out it was happening, I wasn't as ecstatic as I thought I would be. It made me realize that desires can change as we grow and evolve. So, if something you once desired doesn't bring you the same joy anymore, it's perfectly okay. Life is all about evolving and embracing new desires.

Q: What affirmations do you use?

A: Since I had a multitude of desires in various aspects of my life, I found it tiring to have a separate affirmation for each one. So, I opted for general affirmations that encompassed all areas of my life. For example, I would affirm statements like "I am the luckiest person alive," "Everything works out my way," and "I always get my desires." These affirmations can be applied to all aspects of life, including school. The key is to find affirmations that resonate with you and create a positive mindset.

Q: How do you manage the law/shifting and school?

A: As I mentioned earlier, integration is the key! You don't have to view manifestation or shifting as something separate from your school life. Instead, incorporate these practices seamlessly into your daily routine. The goal is to make it a part of your lifestyle without feeling like it's an extra burden or sacrifice. For example, if a certain method, like wbtb lucid dreaming, is disrupting your sleep schedule, consider switching to other methods like subliminals or reality checks. You can still set intentions before going to bed, which will be effective without compromising your sleep. Find what works best for you and strike a balance between school, manifestation, and your mental health

Q: What to do if affirmations don’t work:

A:maybe you don’t think with words. I’m more of a visual person and will always believe and like images more than words. I would just imagine my grades always being an A. No matter what, no matter if I failed a test or forgot to submit a homework even if I failed everything I still got an A! If you don’t like to visualize then change your wording to how you naturally speak. Maybe you don’t even like affirmations, it’s really different for everyone.

Q:I don’t want to go to this college but I still have to apply, is that affecting living in the end:

A: nope I don’t think taking action or not taking action affects anything If you’re living in the end. Just because you apply doesn’t mean you’ll get in simply because you took the action. Do what you have to do it doesn’t matter if you’re living your 3D life but know imagination is your true reality. If you’re a billionaire and sleep in a homeless shelter that doesn’t take away from the fact you’re a billionaire. Who knows why you’re at a homeless shelter and who knows why you’re applying for college. It doesn’t dictate anything.

Q:I needed to get into the void before college but now I’m here without my dream life and I hate it. What do I do:

A: well it’s happened so take a deep breath. You can still master the void, in fact you already have you’re just being silly and want a funny humbling story. There is no better time than now to be delulu. When you’re trying to escape something and it passes accept it and make it your bitch tbh. honestly keeping busy definitely helped me in my journey anyways, but I did provide tips above so you have free time because you shouldn’t just be immersed in school. For example when I was poor, it was because I needed a humbling back story because no one likes people born into wealth. I’m assuming you still want to be in college, and yea, it’s just cool to have started from the bottom before you become that It girl. That’s your choice and your truth but now you’re done with being humble so go tap into the void.

Q: what’s your perspective on manifesting a perfect life. like nothing bad ever happens but also having a good life with just minor challenges (nothing too big) and I don’t wanna normalize suffering bc who wants to suffer?

A: ok this had a school ask but that was just the gist of it. anyways not that my opinion matters first and foremost. But I think that’s great. Who wants to suffer… exactly. You know I like being human, but I did not like my human experience before Loa. I do like challenges, I like growth, I like not being perfect, and I like being happy and getting what I want too! you can still have all those human aspects and manifest everything you desire. Mary Sues do don’t exist because humanity exists. Don’t worry about it. Your life won’t feel stagnant or unreal or something, I promise

Ok sorry this came out longer than I expected but I had a lot to say. I hope that answers all the asks I’ve been getting ! You all got this, college, your manifesting journey, your anxiety, all of it. All of your dreams & desires are within your reach (right in front of you !!!) so go for it and still live your best life <3!

[pansy-picnics]

No idea if they would since they all live in a castle but how do you think the uknighted parents each would deal with empty nest syndrome?

AUDJSJSD NGL I’VE KINDA BEEN HOPING FOR A QUESTION LIKE THIS BC!! they DO. and they are NOT good at it. AT ALL.

ukd are very adamant on giving their kids the freedom they never had growing up, so as long as they’re managing their own duties they’re basically free to do whatever (though eugene can be a Little overprotective sometimes he means well). of course bc ilmari’s adopted and isn’t of any royal blood they end up being the first to leave the nest… i’ve already discussed that vaguely here, so this time i’m gonna talk more abt ryder!!

being the eldest of the twins ryder is technically supposed to take on the throne to corona, and people have a LOT of high expectations from him, especially other nobles/those who were….less than pleased with rapunzel’s approach to ruling. he’s basically seen as the “light” of corona and has been held on a pedestal since he was very young, which leads him to repress himself and puts a lot of strain on his relationships for many years- especially with alina who’s often left in his shadow (and he doesn’t mind it per se!!! but he does feel like her life is pretty directionless, and she’s always been rather dependent on ryder bc of it).

all this to say, eventually on their 18th birthday everything boils over and leads to a nasty fight between the twins. they both kinda realize that they need to grow up and branch out in their own ways- and ryder in particular realizes that he rlly just needs to get Away for a while. so going to help edmund in the dark kingdom seems like a pretty good way to gain some new perspectives!!

after all the pressure she was under herself, rapunzel understands this more than anything…..but that doesn’t make it any easier for her (or cass and eugene, for that matter) to accept. :’3

idk if any of you guys watched steven universe future, but i think they’d all be like this final scene like. ALMOST WORD FOR WORD LMFAO

in fact as soon as ryder even suggests the idea to rapunzel shes awkwardly slipping out of their painting session and running to cass and eugene in TEARS and they cry for a good 3 hours but obviously they want to be SUPPORTIVE and STRONG for their BOY!!! so they pull themselves together and when he brings it up again at dinner they’re like. “omg thats great!!! ^_^” and ryder is just like ?????????

and ryders almost a little hurt that they seem so unfazed so he tries to prod them like. Aren’t you guys upset. but they don’t budge. and so obviously right at the end as he’s saying goodbye to everyone and they’re STILL nonchalant abt it he just bursts into tears like “WHY AREN’T YOU GUYS SAD IM LEAVING :(“ and IMMEDIATELY the three of them all jsut run to him BAWLING

ryder rlly enjoys his time in the dark kingdom actually. obviously edmund and the brotherhood have a Lot of flaws in their approach to ruling….but that’s not rlly what ryder needs anyways. i think they’re very goal oriented and focused on what they can do as a unit rather than what other people think of them, and that’s a lesson ryder definitely needs to learn. not to mention he brings a lot of color to the place (both in a literal and metaphorical sense).

alina pretty much stays in corona tho…which her parents certainly aren’t complaining about. i think he really needs some time to stand up and take on more responsibility without ryder stepping in for him. the twins wont be taking on the thrones anytime soon, but i think when they do, they’ll end up switching- so ryder will be the king of the dark kingdom, and alina will take on the role as queen of corona. alina’s always had deeper ties to her kingdom than ryder did…not to his fault, but the pressure he’s had put on him just made it hard for him to focus on the things that Mattered, yk? he’s ended up being very stuck in his status, while alina has been a lot more down to earth and has always felt a closer connection to the public, if that makes sense… :3

but ryder and ilmari still visit all the time, and ilmari will take over the library one day too…like, raps, cass and eugene haven’t been Perfect parents by any means, but they’ve never failed to make sure their kids know just how strong, capable and loved they are. even though it hurts to see them go (and poor alina definitely has to deal with their theatrics and coddling for YEARS while her older siblings are gone), it’s very clear that no matter where they go, their kids will always know their home is with them, yk??? they love their parents so much and it just makes me so emo😭😭😭

additionally, i think uknighted dream kind of do some equivalent of fostering long after their own kiddos leave the nest… the three of them do a lot of community work, they have a lot of programs instilled for struggling families and kids alike. they end up helping pretty closely with a lot of the orphanages, not only with funding but also by putting in their own work. they visit a lot, come to tons of events…they end up forming a lot of bonds with the kids individually, or occasionally take them in when there isn’t anywhere else for them to go.

sometimes they know these kids for years, sometimes only for a few weeks…but they always try to stay in contact with them regardless. and even when that isn’t possible, they never forget about any of the kids they’ve met….so by the time they’re all old and grey, they basically have hundreds of pseudo-kids and grandkids all across the seven kingdoms, and in a way, their nest never really feels completely empty 🥹🫶

[skylinesnsunshines]

jude bellingham reading: personality

hi everyone! this is my first non-kpop reading!! i am so nervous but excited bc ive been wanting to expand my horizons for a while. i have another footballer lined up for a reading but feel free to request others if you are curious. please remember this is just for fun and i am just a girl w cards <3 ok thank you! hope u enjoy

personal readings

DISCLAIMER: this is all speculative and for entertainment purposes only, so take it with a grain of salt :)

(italicised is the card on the bottom of the tarot deck which is meant to represent the subconscious/blind spot of the situation + rx means reversed)

9 of pentacles, 9 of cups, 3 of cups, 9 of wands | athlete | house seven: profound relationships, intimacy, and romantic partnerships | snake

firstly i just wanna say wow with three 9 cards. from a numerology perspective with multiple 9 cards, individuals with this energy achieve success early on in their lives as 9 signifies completion, so although jude has many admirers, he unfortunately has people waiting for his downfall due to envy. this energy tells me that jude is a very lucky and well-rounded individual, i sense a feeling of nonchalant-ness as his talent and work ethic come so natural to him. the 9 of pentacles tell me that jude is someone who thoroughly enjoys the fruits of his labour, he could be someone who loves indulging in luxury wether that'd be food, travel, experiences, etc. i also get the feeling that he loves spoiling those around him. he could be someone who loves presenting himself as someone diplomatic, tactful and well-mannered. with the 9 of cups, i see jude as someone who is emotionally fulfilled and can be idealistic. this card indicates someone positive, optimistic, content and fulfilled, however i do feel that jude could be someone who wears rose coloured glasses and has a sense of naivety. i just pick up on very youthful energy with jude, sheltered to an extent as well. i envision him as someone who sees the good in people and prefers to focus on the positives than the negatives. now i literally laughed when i pulled the 3 of cups, as that tells me that jude could have a tendency to be very dependent in his relationship, whether that would be familial, friendship or even romantic. i sense that he is someone who is easily influenced when in groups and is more of a "go with the flow" type of person. he might struggle with doing stuff himself or trusting his intuition, as I feel he relies heavily on the opinions and perspectives of those around him to encourage him. this card also tells me that jude's a social butterfly, he could be the type to enjoy going out to parties, socialising and meeting new people. there's this energy of lightheartedness as I feel that he's a really compassionate and collaborative individual, he gives me the type to love doing group projects hahaha. he's someone who's very in tune with others' needs and can read a room very well. i think one of his biggest fears could be coming across as rude or insincere to others, which could be due to his upbringing. gives me the energy that he can be quite the hedonistic individual and approach life with a "glass half full" mindset. the 9 of wands as the hidden energy could indicate that jude is someone who is still unsure about himself. it makes sense since he's only 20, but I think sometimes when he thinks about his life/position too much he can get easily overwhelmed. it's obvious that he has lots of pressure, but I feel that most of the pressure is self-inflicted. he could also be overly cautious or paranoid, so any decision he makes he will always have multiple backup plans and avoid taking risks (he's a dream for his pr team lmao). i also get a feeling of restlessness with this card, and that this is the side of himself when he is vulnerable and that he rarely shows. i get the feeling that he is still figuring himself out and enjoying the lighthearted aspects of life currently. as he gets older I feel he will obviously mature, and understand himself more. but right now, he just seems very lighthearted and youthful (just like most boys his age rn) and that the "real deep stuff" will come to his realisation later in life.

the athlete card for the athlete!! what a surprise LMAO. this card describes an individual who is dedicated to transcending physical limits and develops personal willpower and strength of spirit. another thing I picked up is that jude could love feeling like the "people's champion" and he feels a large sense of fulfilment if he knows he has inspired people or influenced them. i also pick up on the energy that he loves working towards something physical, in this case, it could be towards his physical body as he feels satisfaction with tangible things. i see that he enjoys the competitiveness of his job, as well as "performing", but the feeling of him enjoying being people's role model is what motivates him more. again, the 7th house card which reiterates the 3 of cups points earlier, he really prioritises harmony and puts a lot of his worth in his connections with others. he could also be a libra rising cause he does give me that vibe. although this card does indicate romance and its importance, with jude currently I feel like he is prioritising his business partnerships with others and ways to elevate himself in that realm. the snake card tells me that jude is a charismatic and creative individual, he could have an untapped creative side. he could also be someone who jumps from one project or another, like start and stop multiple projects cause he has a lot of ideas.

so that's it for the reading! let me know if you have any feedback, questions or requests! my askbox is always open for a chat as well <3 sending you love and light always :) hope you enjoyed!

[tiny-tini-imagines]

Oh, hello— gosh dang a new writer? Instant support, sending love— mate, your writing Is awesome. Could I ask for a Legolas hc? (Lemme hop on the Legolas chain for a sec— his dad’s taking up way too much space in the back compartment—) Legolas with an elf s/o who.. ‘isn’t like other elves..’?’ OKAY— it may sound ridiculous but hold on— like an elf that does thing differently from other? You know how elves are usually quite regal and stuff.. has their priorities straight, mild mannered and all that?— take all that, and throw it out the window. Bc this elf believes that they should live their long-ass life span to the fullest and not really think too hard on how other view them and such? Chaotic and all that, but down to earth? The total opposite of what a normal elf would act.

Feel free to ignore this (and my incessant rambling) have a nice day!

Hey! Thank you so so so much for your support and kind words. I'm so happy that you enjoyed my writing, and let me tell you - I absolutely love your request! Funny enough, I once started a ff with a human character as Legolas s/o who had no manners, but imagining it with an elf sounds even cooler. Hope that's what you had in mind...

Headcanons - Lord of the rings

summary: Legolas and a s/o non typical elf

(added: what they would say to them, or about them)

Initial Antipathy: At first, Legolas might not get along too well with them, finding their chaotic and unpredictable nature somewhat jarring compared to his usual elven decorum.

Protective Streak: Despite their incredible strength and speed, Legolas can't help but feel protective of them. They often worry about their safety, which leads to some tension in their interactions. (They often insist that they don't need Legolas's protection and can handle themselves, telling him to go and take care of himself, but it's their way of shielding their true feelings for them.)

"Their strength and resilience are astounding, and I find myself in awe of their ability to face danger head-on, even when it terrifies me."

Eloquent Disagreements: Legolas and his elf s/o have a fair share of passionate disagreements, especially in the beginning. They engage in eloquent debates where they challenge each other's perspectives, making their interactions both fiery and intellectually stimulating. Anyway, Legolas would often find himself speechless, because they don't mince their words and says what they really think, over time he gets used to it and likes it a little bit more, especially since he can't afford to speak like them as the Prince of Mirkwood .

"I must respectfully disagree. While your unorthodox approach is certainly intriguing, I believe tradition and preservation of elven customs hold their own merit in our world." - legolas in an arguement between them

Archery Lessons: One way Legolas tries to bridge the gap between their personalities is by offering archery lessons. He's patient as he teaches them, finding solace in the shared moments at the archery range. (They might not be too good in archery, but have a very unique and stunning way to handle their sword.)

Language: They're known for their sometimes rude language, (which Gimli secretly appreciates). Legolas would just shake his head from time to time, but secretly thinking that it's kind of brave.(Legolas understands that this is their way of expressing emotions. He appreciates the sincerity behind their words and actions.)

Revealing Their Feelings: Eventually, it's them who reveals their feelings first, unable to contain their affection any longer. Legolas is taken by surprise but soon reciprocates with their own heartfelt admission. (They would say it in a very untypical way for an elf, maybe even curse, after Legolas has put himself in unnecessary danger, and pull him into a tight embrace in an unelvish way)

Surprise and Stunned Silence: Legolas is initially taken completely by surprise. He's used to elven decorum and the more reserved expressions of affection, so their outburst catches him off guard.

Conflicting Emotions: He experiences a whirlwind of emotions in that moment - surprise, confusion, but mostly a deep warmth in his heart.

S/o: "Damn! By the stars, Legolas! What were you thinking you fool, charging in like that? I thought I lost you, stupid elf!" They exclaim, their voice laced with worry and frustration, a slip of affectionate concern coloring their words. They immediately pull him in a tight embrace Legolas: His eyes widen in surprise at their outburst, the genuine worry in their tone catching him off guard. "I... I did not mean to cause you such distress. But know that my heart swells with gratitude for your concern."

The Impact of Danger: The fact that their confession comes after he put himself in unnecessary danger makes Legolas acutely aware of the depth of their concern and love for him. It's a realization that touches him deeply. + (This moment reinforces his protective instinct. Legolas becomes even more committed to keeping them safe, knowing how deeply they care for him.)

After Revealing Feelings: After their feelings are out, they share tender moments amidst their chaotic adventures. Legolas becomes more understanding of their free-spirited nature, and they appreciate his unwavering support.

"Meeting you has been the greatest adventure of my life, and I look forward to many more chapters of our story together."

Bridging Differences: As their love deepens, they learn to appreciate each other's strengths and differences. Legolas discovers that their boldness complements his wisdom, and he becomes more open to spontaneity.

Shared Adventures: Legolas is drawn to their adventurous spirit. He finds himself relishing the excitement of their escapades, even if they often involve unconventional ways and risks. (They have an insatiable thirst for adventure and are always dragging Legolas into daring escapades and exploration.)

Meeting Thranduil: Legolas knows that introducing his s/o to his father, Thranduil, won't be easy. The King of Mirkwood has high expectations for his son's choice and wants him to make a more traditional choice for a partner, but eventually, even Thranduil comes to admire their fierce independence and the happiness she brings to Legolas. + (They absolutely refuse to bow or show deference to anyone, not even to the King of Mirkwood. Their boldness both amuses and confounds Legolas and Thranduil.)

"Ada, I must admit, they are unlike any elf I have ever known. Their spirit is untamed, their heart bold, and they defy convention in a way that is both bewildering and strangely admirable."

Balancing Act: Their relationship is a delightful balancing act between Legolas's regal upbringing and their chaotic, down-to-earth approach to life. Together, they bring out the best in each other, forging an unbreakable bond.

Appreciation of Imperfection: Through his s/o, Legolas learns to appreciate imperfection and the beauty life's unpredictability. He discovers that perfection is not always the most fulfilling path.

"In your presence, I've come to understand that there is beauty in imperfection, and I cherish every moment we share, even when chaos reigns around us."

Respect for Individuality: Legolas deeply respects their individuality and appreciates the fact that they don't conform to typical elven norms. He admires their strength of character and their willingness to be true to themselves.

Encouragement and Support: He is a source of unwavering encouragement and support for them. Legolas understands that their unconventional approach to life is a part of what makes them special, and he never tries to change or suppress it.

A Gentle Hand: He has a gentle and caring touch, especially when it comes to tending to any injuries or scrapes they may acquire during their daring exploits (and especially since they're a bit chaotic and maybe somtimes even clumsly when paying too much attention to Legolas and not their surroundings.) Legolas takes great care in ensuring their well-being. (They would not admid that they need help at first, so Legolas does it without any words or asking, always making sure they're all right.)

Affectionate Gestures: Legolas is not one to shy away from showing affection. He expresses his love through tender gestures, whether it's a soft touch, a warm smile, or an embrace. However, the moment his s/o started feeling comfortable showing off their relationship, they'd often hug Legolas thightly (sometimes to his surprise, but he secretly enjoys them a lot).

Hair: He'd let them play with his hair, but don't expect them to braid it, since they can't do it and it would just get tangled (Legolas tried to teach them, but gave up after several attempts.) However he would sometimes braid their hair, if they asked him, tho they mostly like to keep it open

[starscourgc]

so i’ve been thinking about Willem’s actual goals with ascension and insight. theres a note you can find in the lecture hall that says “Master Willem was right. Evolution without courage will be the ruin of our race.” This sort of reads as Willem having the ‘courage’ to take the leaps needed for ascension, most likely experimentation, which makes sense considering the Garden of Eyes enemies you encounter outside of Byrgenwerth. But the way it’s written is confusing; if anything the Healing Church, Laurence, and even Micolash were the ones who had the ‘courage’ to do what was needed to ascend (more experimentation, abandoning Byrgenwerth for their own institutions, etc.). And also, who would have written this? Out of the main school of thought within Bloodborne Willem was definitely the most careful regarding what needed to be done for evolution.

So then I looked into the LastProtagonist retranslations of the original Japanese text, to which the note instead read:

ウィレーム先生は正しい。情けない進化は人の堕落だ

“Professor Willem is right. (The) wretched evolution is man's downfall.”

That adds a completely new context. The ‘wretched evolution’ mentioned in the text could be interpreted as his fear of the Old Blood that Laurence believed in, and the transformation of men into beasts is what is destroying Yharnam. But here me out, okay:

Ascension to me exists on a sort of spectrum, and adding more insight or blood furthers your transformation from just being able to perceive the truth around you to a genuine metamorphosis into an entirely new being. I think Willem was fervently against the extreme side of ascension, and instead wanted to just perceive the Great Ones as they were. Insight is tied to being able to see and understand concepts and beings larger than you, and before you bring in the concept of insight being used for a physical transformation it makes sense that “lining the brain with eyes” would primarily involve increased perception. Willem never wanted to be a Great One, rather he just wanted to understand them in a way his mind could understand.

The schism between him and Laurence was not because of differing paths to ascension, but fear of evolution as a whole. Laurence flies too close to the sun and thinks he can become a god, rather than just a general difference in theory thar could’ve worked hand in hand.

I think this also adds an interesting new perspective to Willem’s adage. "We are born of the blood, made men by the blood, undone by the blood. Our eyes are yet to open." It's interesting how directly blood is associated to humanity in this, and so I think it's Willem’s way of reminded laurence that our blood is what makes ur human and gives us or humanity, and coveting god blood and injecting goes completely against the laws of nature. As for "our eyes are yet to open", i think it old either be read as Willem saying that humans are not ready to ascend and our hubris blinds us from that fact, or even better that humans are not made to ascend bc we live on the basest of planes, that is our place in the universe. The most we can do is at last perceive the mysteries around us, not able to grasp it but isnt it enough to just know what these things are? Yknow?

This would also mean that Micolash’s school of thought aka using insight to complete a physical transformation would make it a sort of hybrid of Willem and Laurence’s theories. He believes in the use of insight, but also in a more hands-on approach to reaching godhood via experimentation that Laurence was more inclined towards, and would’ve even partaken in since he was apart of the Choir at some point in time.

[skaldish]

sorry for the incovinience, but I read this, and as neurodivergent medical student I'm very curious. Do you have any resources or recommend (websites,books,etc) about neurodiversity from a neurology,psychiatry pov? (especially from a neurodivergent health professional or science expert) Because it so hard to found those (mainly bc the missinformation and ableism), most books in my college's library are not updated :(.

not to mention some doctors have said some wild ableist shit (and even some medical students) :(

I don't have much, but I have directions I can point you towards. (I need to update it, but any sources I do find generally go on my brain blog @prefrontal-bastard.)

First, I highly reccomend the Neuroclastic website for autistic perspectives. This website is by and for autistic folks and features a multitude of people with different expertise and backgrounds, including scientists. I imagine any pertinent developments in our understanding of neurodiversity would probably appear on that website.

I also know the AIR Network Model's website has scientific articles on trauma and dissociation, so I recommend looking into them too.

I'd also look into the MNRI PTSD Recovery Protocol by Svetlana Masgutova, Ph.D. I'm not sure if she's neurodivergent herself, but I would hardly be surprised if she is.

I recommend this because the studies behind her protocol reveal some extremely telling things about neurodiversity and its relationship with trauma. I have one of her books and it goes into the entire neuroscience and testing behind it, but unfortunately copyright laws means I can't, like...share the charts. This approach seems to be the direction the science is taking us on regarding neurodiversity though, so it might be the "in" you're looking for in terms of a non-ableist medical framework.

(The breakdown though, because this shit's fascinating:

Traumatic stressors can cause our nervous systems to blow like overloaded circuits. This causes our primitive reflexes [patterns of movements that reflect the core operating system of mindbody interface] to re-emerge, or to fail to integrate if the trauma was during babyhood.

Evidently, retaining 35% or more of the known reflex patterns produces the symptoms associated with things like sensory processing disorder, autism, ADHD, cerebral palsy, anxiety, or emotional dysregulation. It even contributes to depression and dyslexia.

Dysregulated reflexes can impact damn near anything: cognition, attention, coordination, disposition, emotional reactions, visual /auditory / spacial perception, pain perception and threshold, body growth, mood, and even the function of our digestive and immune systems.

From what I understand, certain primitive reflexes correlate with certain disorders. Apparently the Startle Reflex / Fear Paralysis Reflex and Moro Reflex are highly correlated with Autism diagnosis. Other reflexes potentially contribute to it since this is not a "rigid categories" thing, but those are the two her book is citing in particular here.

You can actually re-integrate these reflexes with exercises, which initially thought was fucking bogus until I tried it and suddenly could perceive and conceptualize things I didn't realize I couldn't before, as well as perceive parts of my body I didn't realize I couldn't perceive before [like my spine].

You can actually find integration exercises on youtube. It's an Occupational Therapy thing, but since it's new and emerging it's not something the average OT knows how to do yet, I'm afraid.

Also, important note: Some reflexes take longer to integrate, others don't. They might have to be integrated in a certain sequence depending on which ones are retained, but I'm not sure what all the sequences are.

Rule of thumb for anyone reading this: If the internal experience of "being you" sucks ass in any way, check your primitive reflexes. It ain't a curse and it ain't the devil, you might just need recalibrating.)

Hope this helps!

[hourafterhour]

hmmm actually i'd be so interested in hearing about why you hated tsc? i personally didn't hate it but thought it was very flawed and would love to hear your critiques <3

very long below!

starting more generally, i thought the structure of it was bizarre, especially the choice to start it where she did. rehashing the end of TKM in very minute detail from a new pov did nothing for me, and i don't think it's where this part of jean's story "starts" if that makes sense. i found a lot of parts really ham-fisted and poorly written, esp very sloppy/lazy/straight up bad characterization (jeremy giving the homeless man a gift card, lmao); and her reliance on very high drama plot points (surprise secret sister - that was when i could not believe what i was forcing myself to keep reading; also reacher showing up, other parts i've forgotten). i think this approach works so well in aftg, where the melodrama is crucial, but it fails here, and i got the impression that she didn't feel like she was telling (what should have been) a fundamentally different type of story in content and structure than aftg. using any of the very compelling interpersonal dynamics wrt jean in her original trilogy to build drama in a subtler way would have been so much more rewarding imo. "can jean make a life outside the nest” is the built in stakes of the story. can he survive what has happened and what comes next. no need to make it any more dramatic than that - those are pretty high dramatic stakes to me. to give a more specific example, i thought the scene abt jean having to relearn how to check because the way the ravens do it is dangerous was excellent, especially when jeremy explicitly tells him “you’re hurting me” and it’s still unclear if that will be enough to make jean resort to a style of gameplay that’s less effective. this is more along the lines of what i’d hope we’d get from this book — subtle moments that arise from this being a sports narrative and a recovery narrative, and the unique situation of jean being forced into intimacy with a new team (again, a situation that is already so dramatically rich!) 

but my main issue is that I think aftg is a pretty exceptional (and exceptionally unique) trauma narrative, and i think jean’s trauma was poorly written here from start to finish, and pretty unimaginative/cliche. my overwhelming thought while reading it is that it was a really poorly researched book. writing the perspective of a character IMMEDIATELY after release from years of captivity is an extraordinarily difficult task, and the way she tried to account for what his patterns of thinking would have adapted to under those conditions was paltry to me: “I am Jean Moreau. My place is at Evermore. I will endure.” — i was literally rolling my eyes. just a really depressing lack of depth of interiority wrt an experience that was already so rich and subtle in canon. the single line in tkm when abby says he's already tried to escape back to the nest twice was more complex and worth more to me than all of tsc

to give another specific example bc this is one part i remember well, i was so annoyed at the scene when jean offers his racquet to rhemann for punishment. like it's so lazy!!! it's so lazy. jean is not stupid, and i could have believed it if it was written as jean being confused/getting where he was and who he was with mixed up, but a crucial part of the ideology of the nest was that this was not like other teams, and their lifestyle is not ordinary, and this is necessary to make them better than everyone else. jean would be well aware that other people on most other teams do not get physically abused by their coaches, in front of the rest of their teammates, as a matter of course. like maybe that seems nitpicky, but this actually seems so essential to me. and there were so many other moments where it just didn't seem like any meaningful or interesting thought had been paid to how jean would have interpreted his own life, and i hated how she had to make him do things like this to make certain things about his past visible because she couldn't do it in more skillful ways

i was kind of withholding judgement through the first little bit, but the first scene with kevin really solidified that i would not enjoy this book. jean is, what, a few days removed from the nest? i just do not believe (or want to be asked to believe) that he and kevin would be able to articulate any of that by that point, or have the words to discuss these things openly like that already. this was baffling to me because, once again, this is handled really well and compellingly in the original trilogy!!! hence my 40k two months of madness!!!! jean and kevin literally cannot even speak to each other when they see each other at the banquet, to the point where andrew intervenes just to get them to stop watching each other. iirc there was a part in the EC where nora said they don’t have a real conversation till a year (or multiple years?) out of the nest which felt extremely true to me. laila, cat, and jeremy constantly pressing him to express what happened, as if being able to narrativize a traumatic experience is not actively one of the hardest things about recovery, again just felt like lazy writing. everything has to be spoken out loud for it to work here, because she didn’t build conflict in any other way. i actively disliked laila and cat by the end of the book because she had to use them in such annoying and blunt ways to drive the story forward.  

OKAY there is my quota of "joyless hater" for the day... i appreciate you wanting to hear my thoughts!! if you have any thoughts on any of this i'd love to hear them as well. and if you're interested, i'll take the opportunity to rec an academic text on some of these dynamics, Alexandra Stein’s book “Terror, Love, and Brainwashing: Attachment in Cults and Totalitarian Systems"

[smallnico]

I gotta know because I'm having a blast with her in my party: would Minthara and Esper get along well or would they hate each other?

🥺💕

asking me about esper.. on a random weekday..... oh i am so blessed thank u so much

to answer your question though!! it's complicated. i've played 2 full games as esper, one before you could save minthara without killing the tieflings and one after, because i wanted to find out the answer to this very question (among other things).

the short answer is that they hate each other, lol. but there's nuance to that, so! under the cut bc it's long!

from a character perspective, the most in-character thing for esper to do is kill her -- they're half-drow, so the first thing she said to them was a comment about their impure blood, which they did NOT care for, and then she immediately started talking about slaughtering those druids and putting those tieflings that our new allies wyll and karlach care about in harm's way. she gave them basically nothing but green lights that it was okay to kill her, and generally speaking, esper doesn't need much of an excuse (they struggled with recruiting karlach for a bit and they were disappointed they didn't get to kill kagha, for instance), so not only were they forced to kill her, they were pretty excited to kill her.

(sidenote: part of that excitement is a pavlovian response from their childhood. one thing their matron did to help esper channel their urges while she was training them to be an assassin was fully endorse them practicing their skills on anyone they caught questioning their half-human parentage or gender, so long as they could do it well enough to get away with it. this means they react to people being racist toward them with excitement, because it means This Is An Acceptable Murder And I Am Going To Do It Fuck Yes. they racked up a pretty extensive kill count after they got to baldur's gate for this reason, too.)

all this to say, the first time around i didn't get to know minthara and her dynamic with esper much. the second time around, she was a bit glitchy, since the ability to save her had only just been implemented -- a lot of her banter with other party members wouldn't trigger, she was completely naked for the entire span of time between meeting ketheric and rescuing her from the prison, and i think i only got to ask her like 2 questions to get to know her? -- so that didn't help much, but from what i did learn about her dynamic with esper was that oh my god they both hate each other so fucking much. they just cannot stand each other. they have so much in common but the things that are different are enormous dealbreakers for both of them and it's almost hilarious. esper couldn't get through one in character conversation with minthara without her disapproving of Something they said. she wants so badly to enable the behaviours they're actively working to stop cycling through. the funniest fucking glitch i got with her was after we saved her from orin, the narrator demanded on her behalf that i literally pay her so she wouldn't walk away, that was how bad their relationship was. i'm Sure that was a glitch but it was wild.

zooming out from the game though, i mean it when i say esper and minthara have a lot in common (even if esper doesn't quite remember a lot of it). they both grew up in menzoberranzan, both of their earliest childhood memories are of surviving murder attempts, they both trained in combat academies (minth in tier breche, probably melee-magthere, and esper in the hidden academy at house auvy'rae), they were both forced to abandon lolth and the underdark by the dead three, they were both mutilated by orin, they were both forced to live for a period committing atrocities on behalf of a quasi-deity who sapped them both of their will to resist. esper and minthara have similar approaches to violence -- seeing it as necessary and enjoyable, but something to be used sparingly to best effect -- though they disagree on when it should be used. they even have similar senses of humour -- minthara likes a bit of cruel irony, and we all know the line about the man who married a drider, while esper is deadpan with a secret love for stupid jokes and mischief.

where they differ the most is on the matter of power. minthara, as we all know, is a properly power-hungry person who takes great joy in accruing and showing off power. she's completely on board with using the tadpoles, she wants her allies to have the most power they could have, whatever the fallout is for them personally (thinking specifically about astarion's ascension, which she's totally on board with, and dj shadowheart, where she says something to the effect of "shadowheart absolutely shouldn't go through with this ritual, shar is a poisonous influence, but it would be better for Us if she did"). she encourages esper to take over the cult of the absolute -- something i know for a fact astarion does too, but for some reason that line never triggered for either esper game -- and she wants them to take back the cult of bhaal, too. all that runs pretty completely contrary to the way that esper wants to live. esper rejects the tadpoles outright because they find the idea of injecting another squirming alien consciousness into their brain (when they already have the urges and the voice of bhaal and the incomprehensible flashes of emotions and memories from a past they can't remember), especially one that lets other people poke around in their thoughts, completely revolting and terrifying. the power is Not worth it to them, they just want to be left alone for once in their life. they didn't even want to run the cult of bhaal when they actually were in charge of it -- they liked the menial aspects of it, things like bookkeeping and arranging rituals and planning murders and getting their hands dirty, but they hated being the center of attention. weird for a bard, but they were trained to work unseen and listen and manipulate subtly more than anything, so they're extremely out of their comfort zone when a lot of emphasis is put on them. as far as they're concerned, visible and showy power makes a person helpless and a target (one of the other reasons i decided to play again was because i accidentally let gale ascend in the first run, and esper also hated that and thought he was an idiot. and tara got mad at me and that made me sad. sorry tara i'll do anything for you).

minthara seeks power and esper rejects power. she respects shows of power, and they only show off their actual power to people who are about to die, so they can keep the element of surprise wherever possible. so many of their core conflicts would occur because she thinks they're weak-willed and they think she's foolish, and because she thinks they're weak, she tries to control them, which makes esper start snarling and biting, and the game didn't really let me resolve that. it only gets worse when you start getting into things like drow race and gender politics -- bhaal created esper to have as bad of a time as possible in menzoberranzan as both a half-human and a redundant male child that killed their mother in childbirth -- and especially class politics -- since minthara is a baenre, she is (or was) a member of menzo's top house, and esper is an auvy'rae, a member (born into, disowned, and adopted back into) of a house known for purposefully cultivating an uncompetitive and nonthreatening public reputation (so they can focus on hidden intrigue, information brokering, and pulling the strings away from public scrutiny). minthara may not be aligned with lolth anymore, but 300 years of drow politics is hard as fuck to unlearn, and every time she addresses esper like they're a surfacer (which she does, because in-game that's how half-drow are classified -- surfacer by underdark races, underdark by surfacer races) they feel the urge to kill her again, even though they don't have their Concrete memories to contradict her.

then of course there's the fact that they're trying so hard to resist the urge to do violence. esper has no problem with normal violence, but they try to manage their internal drive toward Cruelty by focusing those impulses on people who really deserve it. bhaal's influence makes them feel a deep and disorienting loss of control during moments of violence and cruelty, so they go from "yes violence good let's do violence" at the beginning of the game to "i'm really good at killing and it feels so fucking good to do but i can't, i don't want to be ruled by the drive to do harm just because i can justify my focus on it because i'm good at it, i want to learn how to be something else, something that hasn't been tainted by my terrible past. so i'll try very hard to kill only when it's appropriate and i'll try to rely on my friends to tell me when that is". smash cut to minthara telling them to cut off a child's hand for pickpocketing lmao,

so, yeah. i love minthara, but esper really doesn't lol. i think she just provokes the Old Esper to come out of them way too often for their comfort -- they want their memories back, but they'd like to be in control of the process. i've tried to write party banter between esper and minthara and it always comes out extremely hostile and unpleasant. unfortunately, the most in-character thing for esper to do is kill her and really enjoy doing it. if they had the ability to understand each other's core approaches to power and violence, though, i think they could be pretty good friends, especially seeing as astarion has a lot of the same issues as minthara does vis a vis power and violence in contrast to esper, and esper is closer to astarion than anyone else in the party.

i have another durge run going where i'm going to try and be evil to get to know a different side of minthara, though! i might change the answer depending on what i can learn there.