#bc i get different feelings from both
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khaopybara Ā· 8 days ago
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Phim and Alan sit at same table !! šŸ„²
anon, why would you do this to me?
but seriously, even though phim and pang were together for a considerable less number of years if compared to alanwen, phim and alan do feel like two peas in a pod now that you mention it.
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two people who are so attached to the idea of their lover and the life they would have together but they can't have it, one because one of the parts felt out of love with them, and the other because one of the parts just never let go of the idea of having something with someone else. it's just so sad.
hopefully they'll have the means to heal and get together with their respective little balls of sunshine.
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fear-no-mort Ā· 1 year ago
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favourite thing: his new habit of saying uhuh/mhm and also this
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#the first time he did it in unmortricken i was like Fuck Yes and little did i know he would just keep doing it the whole time#DESPERATELY hoping they keep both of these things. i Love when characters have tiny little habits sprinkled in their actions#to me these things kinda sorta symbolise him no longer being afraid to really be himself#like he no longer has to hide certain things about himself that inside of the cfc wouldve made him appear ā€˜suspiciousā€™#since he IS like so much different than any other morty ever#also barely related but like. em is fundamentally such a good character bc everytime we see him heā€™s feeling something different#in his first appearance he was cold and distant because at the time he was new to being free and was strictly focused on his goal and wasnā€™#even sure if it would work#in his second appearance he seemed hopeful and honest both of these things just being a trap to get the people of the citadel to trust him#and his old colder self unfurling near the end after he successfully becomes president#in his third appearance he seems giddy almost. heā€™s constantly giggling before and after sentences and heā€™s super eager to just Get The Hel#Out. and also to reveal the truth to morty prime. make it so that he doesnā€™t have to be the one to shoulder everything anymore.#and this fourth appearance. apart from a few little details he really just seems happy and comfortable. the entire episode he was just doin#whatever he wanted and nobody got in his way at all. and i could not be happier#normal about this character!#rick and morty#evil morty#rick and morty spoilers#odiespeak
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ruporas Ā· 1 year ago
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feast (ID in alt)
#vashwood#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun#trigun maximum#tw blood#im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello....#i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is#completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo#but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei#travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point.#humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on#& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas.#theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve#done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but#in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise#since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times#if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess#ruporas art
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s0fter-sin Ā· 3 months ago
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god the way ghostā€™s voice drops when he tells soap, ā€œyouā€™ll need to improvise to surviveā€
before that, everything he says is steady but when he acknowledges that soapā€™ll have to do something outside his skill set, something he intimately knows to be difficult, his voice wavers. he does the same when he says, ā€œwelcome to guerrilla warfareā€; itā€™s sombre and serious in a way he doesnā€™t act for the rest of the mission. if you read into it enough, he almost sounds apologetic; like he knows exactly what soapā€™s about to go through and wishes he didnā€™t have to
he keeps soap going; poking at him and making jokes, giving him tips and asking about his progress. he never lets him stop and take a second to think bc he knows the moment he does is the moment it'll all hit him; the betrayal, the pain, the fear, the deaths, all of it will drown him and if that happens, soap won't make it
he needs him to be a soldier through and through and he knows this is one of the worst kinds of battlefields you could end up on
and the only times he slips is when he acknowledges that fact
it happens again when he says, "tryin' to get you here alive and in one piece". his jovial dark humour facade drops for just a moment when he has to face the potential reality of losing soap. then he tries to pick it back up again with, "one of us has to survive to tell the tale"; completely discounting himself as a survivor to try and rally soap and make him think itā€™s all down to him
and soap does the same thing
when he's calling out for ghost on the radio, he's tentative, testing the frequency, then when he doesnā€™t get a response, he grows desperate; "ghost, this is 7-1, do you copy?"
then when ghost answers, he smooths out his voice; he hides the pain, the fear, and no matter what response you give to ghost asking if heā€™s injured, soap brushes it off (ā€œiā€™m goodā€, ā€œwhatā€™s the difference?ā€, ā€œiā€™m not a medicā€). soap decides itā€™s in ghostā€™s best interest to hide the extent of his injuries
he doesnā€™t know where ghost is, if heā€™s secure, if he has any weapons; he doesnā€™t even know if heā€™s in las almas until he says, ā€œthereā€™s a church, iā€™m headed to itā€. for all he knows, he couldā€™ve run in the complete opposite direction. if ghost knows heā€™s hurt, then his attention would be split between his own survival and soapā€™s
and soap, who lets himself be poked and prodded towards the church, needs to hide his own doubts. maybe he needs ghost to believe he'll make it so he himself can believe it ("what are my odds?" "don't make me bet against you", "think i'll live that long?" "probably not")
he all but begs ghost to tell him he'll get through it and if he knows just how bad off he is, maybe he'll change his mind. maybe he'll think he won't make it to the church
maybe he'll leave him alone for good
"you injured?"
"iā€™m good"
"let's find out how good you are"
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casualavocados Ā· 4 months ago
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...Nothing.
Chen Bowen as CHEN YI & Chiang Tien as AI DI KISEKI: DEAR TO ME (2023)
#kiseki: dear to me#kisekiedit#kdtm#kiseki dear to me#ai di x chen yi#chen yi x ai di#louis chiang#chiang tien#jiang dian#nat chen#chen bowen#uservid#userspring#userspicy#userrain#pdribs#userjjessi#*cajedit#*gif#this is both a chen yi being attracted to ai di gifset and a chen yi longing for the true ai di gifset. and not know how to say either#bc the first time chen yi sees ai di with dyed hair again after ai di gets out of prison... chen yi does try to kiss him. okay. like.#i think when ai di looked up at him there his heart skipped a beat seeing HIS ai di - the TRUE ai di - in front of him again after so long.#& like when ai di was in jail chen yi took months to visit. he knew he would be facing a different ai di than the one he knew before:#he was facing an ai di he knew had feelings for him AND he'd realized his feelings for him in return. & its almost like#the darker hair adds to the mask ai di puts up the times hes forced to face a chen yi he's slept with. a front that pushes chen yi away#but after ai di runs from the shop the next time they meet is in the bar. where chen yi sees ai di with dyed hair again for the first time.#AND it's that scene where chen yi starts actually putting together the pieces ai di has given him without meaning to.#its Then where ai di's mask Actually starts to crack (also shown through chen yi LITERALLY REMOVING A MASK FROM AI DI'S FACE)#'you look better this way'. you look better when you're being your honest self. ...you look better when you look like the ai di#ive always known and always subconsciously loved. chen yi cant HELP but be a little mesmerized i think... he rly just went for it
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callixton Ā· 5 months ago
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i think the thing to understand abt martha jones is that even after she leaves she is five seconds away from dropping everything and traveling with the doctor at any given time. bc that itch to blow everything up and damn her personal duty to hell in search of a higher call never leaves her. but martha is smart. and rational. and has spent a long fucking time needing to keep herself safe. (bc he comes when she calls but never before.) and so she has gotten very good at keeping herself on the right side of those five seconds. but i do think if ten was a different person (if he could acknowledge how much he needed her instead of just how much he liked her) (if he didnā€™t feel this righteous martyrdom when it comes to being left alone) (if he cared enough about her to beg. if he cared enough about himself.) i think that her answer no would come crumbling down pretty quickly is all.
#MARTHA JONESā€™ TWISTED SENSE OF DUTY YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS TO ME#there is soo much nuance to this. obviously. and it really varies depending on when exactly in his run weā€™re talking#but me personally. i donā€™t think that martha was ever satisfied with the way things ended between them. i think she made peace with it!#but i donā€™t think she was satisfied and i donā€™t think she ever could be#which is also why i have slowly come around to her and mickey. even tho i think it IS very pair the spares in a way i donā€™t like#i do think they make sense together. in a genuine way and also in a youā€™re the closest iā€™ll get to what i want. youā€™re good on your own but#- youā€™re also the next best thing. and we donā€™t need to say this out loud bc we both know and it wouldnā€™t ruin anything by admitting it but#- it sure as hell wouldnā€™t feel good either#itā€™s not even like. directly about the doctor/rose here is the thing. itā€™s about the life he let them lead with him#which i guess is the crux of this. i think martha is capable of moving on from her Feelings for the doctor. but never her feelings about him#yknow. does that make sense. if anyone knows that the doctor is a symbol itā€™s martha#i donā€™t think sheā€™s always in love with him. i think she was. tho my opinions on that r complicated hashtag tenmartha qpr BUT#but the IDEA of him? the idea which shaped her into a completely different person? i donā€™t think she will ever not want that back @ her core#sheā€™s just too loyal to everyone besides herself to admit that. šŸ˜#ok itā€™s 4 am i have been rambling abt this for fifteen minutes so sorry if it doesnā€™t make sense but i have FEELINGS ABT HER !!#ted talks#martha jones#doctor who
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fumifooms Ā· 1 month ago
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
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Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. Iā€™m sure Iā€™m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/whatā€™s been confirmed. On the table of contents thereā€™s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I donā€™t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the ā€œbadā€ devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makimaā€™s relationship with them? Sheā€™s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, sheā€™s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and sheā€™s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesnā€™t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanityā€™s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makimaā€™s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isnā€™t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel thereā€™s an itch to every devil, and for Makima itā€™s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why sheā€™s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (itā€™s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humansā€™ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peacefulā€” Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encouragesā€” There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makimaā€™s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. Itā€™s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devilā€™s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because itā€™d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, sheā€™d have been part of that ā€”hisā€” order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conquerorā€™s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devilā€” All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
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And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friendā€™s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldnā€™t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way itā€™s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows whatā€™s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldnā€™t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then itā€™s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely thatā€™s the extra edge they must be missing to be contentā€” like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogsā€¦ā€¦.. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because theyā€™re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. Itā€™s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because itā€™s pretty direct and sheā€™s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. Sheā€™s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. Theyā€™re her personal lifeā€” something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and sheā€™s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
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Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denjiā€™s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human bodyā€¦ Thereā€™s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fillā€¦ Outside influence theyā€™re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Akiā€™s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out ofā€¦ Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. Itā€™s Angel Devilā€™s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being fearedā€” we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting othersā€™ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denjiā€™s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neitherā€” part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devilā€™s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry itā€™s her feeling empty when sheā€™s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean itā€™s something that they like nor that itā€™s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe itā€™s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe itā€™s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay rememberedā€” feared, powerful, knownā€” hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, itā€™s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can beā€” a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such aā€¦. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call iā€™ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If itā€™s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drumā€¦ Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and sheā€™s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makimaā€™s biggest tool, similarly capitalismā€™s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be thatā€™s what theyā€™ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesnā€™t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at bestā€” how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, itā€™s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that arenā€™t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesnā€™t live and breathe purely for the mission sheā€™s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
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Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way sheā€™ll have decided for peopleā€” and thatā€™s the thing isnā€™t it, like with War, itā€™s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and itā€™s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b mercifulā€¦.#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I donā€™t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog šŸ˜­#Thisā€™d be a different topic but. I donā€™t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so iā€™d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even thenā€¦.. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God iā€™m fine. Iā€™m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesnā€™t align with ours obvi but#ā€˜Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?ā€™ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc theyā€™re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood šŸ¤” or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ā€˜but every demon likes to drink bloodā€™ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesnā€™t belong as a devil??? bc heā€™s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought thatā€™s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#Thereā€™s a lot more iā€™d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and iā€™ve seen a take that the ā€˜my friend at a farmā€™ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. Itā€™s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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feroluce Ā· 5 months ago
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ā€œ-and that's why I ain't allowed in Pier Point no more!ā€ Boothill throws his head back and cackles, somehow completely comfortable on the bare floor of the archives. He's the very picture of ease, his arms behind his head, his legs bent and crossed.
Dan Heng barely looks up from his notebook, not much surprises him anymore after the first few tales of lawless exploits. ā€œSo they really have that many laws and restrictions there.ā€Ā 
ā€œAnd probā€™ly a few more now that I've been through there! Heck, ya think they named any after me? I'm hopinā€™ so.ā€ There's so much smug cockiness seeping through his voice Dan Heng could bottle it.
Silence settles in, stretches out. Dan Heng doodles pensive circles in the corner of his page.
He shouldn't ask. It's a private matter. It's none of his business. He of all people should know-
Something pokes his shoe, and when he looks up, Boothill has stretched one arm up to tap metallic fingertips against his foot. ā€œAin't like ya to hesitate.ā€ With his head tipped back on the tiles and gazing at him upside down, Boothill's hair is out of his face and spooling out all over the floor, offering a rare view of his right side. His right eye is sealed over with a pitch-black patch, stark against his skin. Dan Heng wonders what he looks like behind it. ā€œC'mon, then, out with it. Spill the beans, brother, just say it.ā€
ā€œWhat does ā€˜Boothillā€™ mean?ā€
The man blinks at him, the crosshair in his cybernetic left eye flickering. Dan Heng shifts, smooths out his long coat. ā€œI tried to look it up once. It's not in any database as a name...other than your wanted posters.ā€ There's a thread beginning to fray near the hem, he should sew it up. ā€œI couldn't find it anywhere.ā€Ā 
He nearly takes it back, but- ā€œHeh, ya that curious about me, darlinā€™?ā€
Dan Heng quickly levels his face into the most impassive, nonplussed expression he can muster, but Boothill has already turned away, head pillowed on his arms and face once again turned to the ceiling.
ā€œBut nah, ya wouldn't. Hah, like they'd allow any record of the language, fudgeheads.ā€ One arm sweeps around blindly until it finds the edge of Boothill's hat, sets it back where it belongs on his head. Dan Heng shuffles around, scoots a little closer, but the brim is pulled too low to see his eyes anymore.
ā€œIt's ā€˜cause it's not a name. It's a noun.ā€ All that's visible of his face is a sharp grin, pulled too tight at the edges.
ā€œIt's my people's word for a grave.ā€
Dan Heng's pencil stops.
ā€œIt's the kinda grave fer someone who died with their boots on. If ya catch my drift there.ā€ Boothill's foot starts to bounce. ā€œThere was a war, and it got reeeeeal intense, yup. Folks started droppinā€™ like flies, ā€˜nā€™ there was bodies faster'n what we could bury ā€˜em.ā€ A cooling fan kicks on somewhere. Dan Heng is pretty sure it's not any of the Express equipment.
ā€œWe lost some real good people there, real good. Mighty shame.ā€ His hidden Vidyadhara ears detect a quiet metallic click, a whir, pressurized gas. Boothill's next words waft steam from his angry circuits into the air. ā€œWhen I left, I decided to leave my name there, too. Didn't feel right otherwise. The life I lead now is a whole ā€˜nother existence.ā€ And then Boothill turns his head, raises his hat, and Dan Heng suddenly feels pinned dead center, caught in that crosshair.
ā€œYa know what I mean, don'tcha?ā€
Dan Heng swallows.
Does Boothill know? Who he is and who came before him? There had been that moment in the Penacony Grand Theater, after he activated the Jade Abacusā€¦ Dan Heng had tried to shoo him out, keep him from seeing anything, but Boothill has the astounding ability to turn up exactly wherever people are trying to keep him away from.
If he did see, does he actually understand it? Does he know what a High Elder is? Does he know about the sedition of Imbibitor Lunae, the transmutation arcanum, everything Dan Feng had done and Dan Heng was punished for?
He doesn't want to explain it all. Not now. Possibly not ever, truth be told.
And it's not the same as Boothill leaving behind his old identity when whatever event happened that caused him to leave home. Not really. Butā€¦
But so far, Boothill has slid so easily into Dan Hengā€™s routine. His presence never feels like an intrusion. He's already figured out what he can push and when to back down. And even Dan Heng finds himself able to roll with whatever punches Boothill throws with baffling ease. They share too much in their methods and ideologies, and sometimes Dan Heng knows what Boothill will do seemingly before even Boothill himself knows.
ā€œ...Tell me about Talia and the Nailscrap Town.ā€ Boothill must know he's avoiding the topic. He must. But the man just throws his head back and cackles, melting easily back into what they had been doing before, as he speaks fondly of a planet that Dan Heng has never visited.
Not today. But.
Dan Heng inches just a little closer, just enough to nudge his foot against a metal leg. Boothill doesn't pull away.
Maybe someday.
#honkai star rail#henghill#boothill#dan heng#hsr#bootheng#hsr boothill#hsr dan heng#BEHOLD. my brainrot#Aeragan-Epharshel and The Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae not as things they feel they have to tell each other#(bc what is most important is who they both are TODAY and what they are like NOW)#like they aren't maliciously hiding anything from each other and neither thinks so of the other#their pasts are just something they CAN share to deepen the bond and know each other better#things like Boothill better understanding why Dan Heng sleeps in a room lit 24/7 by electronics if he knows he grew up in a dark prison cell#or Dan Heng better understanding Boothillā€™s motivations & what kinda life he might want post-revenge if he knows how Aeragan-Epharshel was#I think it's only thanks to the Express Crew that Dan Heng can even begin to think about telling someone All Of That#he has people who love him and it has made such a huge huge difference for him ā™”#meanwhile in in-game texts Boothill tends to gloss over the loss of his home. I don't think he's super keen to talk about it much either.#I let him say a little more about it here since he and Dan Heng had a lot more time together to get comfortable with each other in canon.#the thing with his eye is based off a voiceline of his but isn't canon from Hoyo or anything#but it's canon to ME#same with things like him having to literally let off steam when he gets pissed haha#I need to just make a post about all my weird robot body Boothill hcs I love cyborgs woohoo#that and him & Anger I have a lot of feelings about that too ā™”#also. wireplay NZMZMXMMDDM
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kagooleo Ā· 11 months ago
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the zineā€™s officially out, so I can post my contribution for the @extraordinaryzine :D!
my piece is an interpretation of the caverns on Iron Island šŸļø so I wanted to incorporate more of the water surrounding it by creating a sea cave to have light spill inside (akin to the modra Å”pilja/blue grotto)
the focus of the zine was on the daily lives of trainers and their pokemon, so Riley uses a spot inside the caverns like this to meditate with his team, although any new Riolu he trains canā€™t resist wanting to jump into the water to play Ļ…Ā“Ė¶ ļ½„ļ»Œļ½„ Ė¶`Ļ…ļ¾‰ā€
this piece alongside a ton of amazing artists can be found free to download digitally here! (and lastly some closeups bc I liked getting all the little deets down)
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ywpd-translations Ā· 8 months ago
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Ride 769: Danchiku's ā€œescapeā€
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Pag 1
1: Sohoku's number 5 jumped ahead! And he kept attacking!!
2: Number 4, Kaburagi, caught up to Doubashi who has been left behind!!
4: This is bad!! Pedal!!
Let's raise our pace!!
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Pag 2
2: I won't let you get away, Chicken!!
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Pag 3
2: No.... they're so fast!!
It's no use anymore, senpai!!
3: Get away Danchikuu!!
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Pag 4
1: Yeah, Issa!!
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Pag 5
1: 4km left until the sprint line!!
2: Don't underestimate him, San-na*!!
(*NdT.: Kaburagi is calling him that because when earlier he called him ā€œDoubashiā€ with no honorifics, Doubashi corrected him saying ā€œit's san, naā€ the 'na' is just and ending particle, but I decided to leave it in the nickname Kabu is using now)
3: Danchiku is strong!!
He's the kind of guy who once he makes a decision, he sticks to it!!
4: Buah!!
I'm not underestimating him
5: With that attack earlier I got that his ā€œrunningā€ is no chicken!!
6: Haha, I told you from the start!! I told you ā€œthat's not trueā€!!
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Pag 6
1: But ā€œmentalityā€ is another story!!
3: ā€œRunningā€ and ā€œmentalityā€are different things, but two sides of the same coin!!
4: I'm chasing him like this!! I'm getting closer!!
That's the reality!! The situation!!
I'll swallow him
5: And even if I don't do anything, he'll make a mistake!!
6: Tch, this guy hit a nerve
7: Look
8: My pressure
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Pag 7
1: Is rising!!
3: What's this
From behind me
4: It's the feeling of something dark and hug approaching!!
This is that guy's....!!
Seriously!?
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Pag 8
1: But!!
Gaa
2: But I also came here fully prepared!!
ruaaagh
3: ā€œTake care of that idiotā€
4: Bamboo
6: Hop Shot!!
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Pag 9
1: I'll leave him behind!!
2: Switch to a
3: higher gear!!
6: Dammit, instead of switching to a higher gear I switched to a lower!?
Such a stupid mistake!! In a moment like this!!
I'll switch to a higher gear now!!
8: Stupid mistake...? That's not it
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Pag 10
1: Is my body reacting to Doubashi's pressure!?
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Pag 11
1: Dammit!!
Don't turn around
2: San-na is going to move to pin Nagoya down, you go with him
This is the chance that
And then keep going like that!!
3: Issa managed to get for me!!
4: Don't turn around
He's getting closer, I can feel it on my skin!!
5: If I turn around his pressure will swallow me!!
Gaaagh
6: Dammit... so this is the Inter High?
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Pag 12
1: This is Hakone Academy's Doubashi Masakiyo!!
2: Chicken.... your pedaling got all messy
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Pag 13
1: He's coming closer!!
2: I'm gonna get swallowed!!
4: It's over
After all you really are a chicken
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Pag 15
2: A white pressure... Issa!!
3: Danchiku, since it's you, you can do it!!
I'm sure of it, so run without hesitation
4: After all you're
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Pag 16
1: Team SS..... Special Strong!!
Higaruaaagh!!
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Pag 17
1: I'll take it, Issa!!
2: Higaruaagh!!
Dammit, what happened, he came back to life!!
3: What did you do, Orange
4: I raised it too
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Pag 18
1: My pressure, to tell him ā€œif it's you, you can do itā€!!
2: I am ā€œteam SSā€!!
3: I can do it!!
Garuaagh!!
4: Hahaha, if you don't hurry he'll get away, San-na!!
That's called Panda Shout!! That acceleration is terrific!!
5: Talking like that is your strategy to get me to use up my legs, Orange!!
Hahaha of course, you've finally noticed!!
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Pag 19
2: I've noticed from the start, though
Is-is that so!?
Well, can't be helped. My plan to defeat him by using pressure alone was a failure
This time I'll use my legs
3: I'll show you my running that I've tempered thoroughly this past year!!
4: The sprint is now down to us three
As expected, there's no one who can catch up to us from there!!
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Pag 20
1: In that group behind us!!
2: Pedal more
Let's catch up to them before they get out of sight!!
Gallop!!
Mokkosu!!
4: From behind us, another.... two people!?
Are catching up!?
5: It's two guys from the selected team!!
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Pag 21
1: I'm so glad, we caught up with the lead!!
We were pulled by Doubashi-san but we got tore off a little later
You worked hard, you two!
Yeah, somehow!!
2: The leader of our team, Sugimoto-san, negotiated with Doubashi-san fro us
3: Our number has increased so we still have a chance!!
We'll chase Sohoku and Hakogaku that are ahead
Yeah!!
And we'll fight for the green number bib!!
4: Alright, senpai, I'll pull
ā€œTwo peopleā€ who caught up?
No
5: There's one more person!!
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thelaurenshippen Ā· 3 months ago
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genuinely think it's good and healthy to follow at least one person in each of your fandoms who reblogs good gifsets but has just...absolutely dogshit takes on the show, or who ships that ship you despise. keeps things fresh. keeps things grounded. you gotta stay humble
#lauren feels things#fandom#this is mostly a joke post#obviously create the experience on tumblr that yOU want#you are not obligated to do any fucking thing on this website#but like....there are a few people I've been following on my other blog#(my real and anonymous one where I do most of my reblogging/fandom stuff)#and I've been following them for YEARS#or they're mutuals from the fandoms I've written fic for#and they just post the most out of pocket shit#or they ship ships that totally squick me out#or - the most annoying sin of all to me -#they post sanctimonious explanations about how the creators/actors/whatever#really feel THIS way about this particular thing#and all you other fans are wrong#(and like......no they don't. unless that actor or writer has said that#you have no idea they think that. also it doesn't matter what they think.)#but I'm honestly not kidding when I say this makes my personal fandom experience better#bc a) some of these people are just pals I disagree with!#and b) none of them are - like - toxic or anything#there's a certain kind of fandom discourse I do not tolerate#these people are mostly just kind of silly sometimes about stuff#and ultimately harmless#but it helps me understand a fandom better#and the fact that I've been doing it for like a decade now#means that i truly never get offended or hurt or feel any kind of way#when I see a bonkers take on something#bc I'm just like 'oh sure you're wrong but whatever good for you seems like you're having fun'#and sometimes ppl in fandoms take things SO PERSONALLY!#and it's okay that some people who make art you like or amazing gifsets feel differently about the thing you both love
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ash-and-starlight Ā· 1 year ago
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things iā€™m going crazay about today: the illustrations in the he who drowned the world illumicrate cover
(artist is glassbearer on ig)
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puhpandas Ā· 2 months ago
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I think the reason beckory works well is that tony has a habit of getting self righteous and in his own head about things but Gregory isnt afraid to tell him off or call him out about things. the point of tony in ggy is that nobody ever told him that how hes treating other people isnt good, so that's why he got so bad. but tony would be close to Gregory and have every rational reason in the world to listen to Gregory so when he would say something like "you're treating ellis badly and that's not what a good friend does, you need to do better" hed actually listen and take it into account and improve himself
#everyone in ggy is oblivious but gregory wouldnt be#hed be used to flawed people by being family with vanessa and freddy and best friends with cassie#and in turn tony#so when tony showcases traits of being flawed he cares about him and can look past them bc he knows tony is a good person#but he also keeps him in check when he goes too far#gregory who would fight someone so intensely he would be put in the hospital if someone insulted cassie:#tony you shouldnt resent ellis and say hes annoying just because he doesnt know all about this journalist from the 1920s#i think the concept of Gregory trying to be normal and live a normal life with 3 star fam and actively having to make it happen#is interesting#bc i feel like tony is so abnormal and has become disconnected from reality especially in a scenario where he lives after the ggy attack#that interacting wiht gregory whos so strange and interesting and mysterious but also has both feet rooted in the present and reality#would do him a lot of good#just make him finally take a step back and see the bigger picture and take a chill pill#also its ironic bc gregory is secretly in his head trying soo hard to be normal and do normal things#and it appears so effortless to Tony that it literally fixes him#i love thinking gregory and others relationships as Gregory not really doing anything but he still affects ppl so heavily#like gregory just existing and freddy developing a soul and sentience and finding a will to live and a purpose after dropping lead singer#gregory almost accidentally saving vanessa and just existing in her life being someone she wants to live for#giving her the motivation to get back up and eventually allowing her to heal enough to want to enjoy life by herself#Gregory doing nothing but being cassies friend and it changes her after a lifetime of abandonment#to the point where it makes her happy and fufilled and brings out the determination and bravery in her#and finally gregory with tony where him just being in tonys life not trying hard to help him out and change his way of seeing life#actually does the most to change his life and shows him that he can view things differently and that now#he finds that he WANTS to#pandas.txt#3 star fam#beckory#superstar duo#gregory#tony
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moe-broey Ā· 3 months ago
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... šŸ§
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me šŸ™‚ā€ā†•ļø
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSEā€¼ļøā€¼ļøā€¼ļøā€¼ļøā€¼ļøā€¼ļøā€¼ļøšŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„šŸ’„#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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deus-ex-mona Ā· 1 month ago
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something something guys who think of the backs of the girls they love
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and girls who pinch the cheeks of the guys they love
#funny coincidences and all that~~~~~~~~~~#especially since both of the guys are associated with the colour green i m e a nā€”#i just really love how hw isnt afraid to have the guys fawn over and dote on their gfs#unlike many other love stories yk?#seeing the guys shower their lovers with affection is the best part!!!!!!#who needs emotionally repressed male leads when you can have affectionate hw male leads#even ā€˜coolā€™ and ā€˜matureā€™-ish guys like yu and kodai (to a degree) are super loving towards their respective gfs#and now!!!! we get to see nagisa: a cool-ish and mature (compared to like lxl) adore hiyori!!!!!#ā€¦oh. wait. i think i get why there kinda feels like thereā€™s an narrative disconnect between nghy#hiyo is more of an idol series character (despite not being an idol) yet her romance with nagisa seems to be more on the love series side#so the way the two series are intertwining *now* after all these years of being somewhat of separate entities#(despite overlapping characters like the sanbaka + arisa and hina + sena) may feel a little wonky#juri is different bc she has p much nothing to do with the idols. sheā€™s just in it for the vibes#but for someone like hiyori whoā€™s super involved in the idol side to suddenly be introduced to the ā€˜loveā€™ side of thingsā€¦#especially since her retconned romance was with another idolā€¦ and all that old pre-nagisa novel stuff with yujiroā€¦#idk i think the nghy romance couldā€™ve been handled better had it not been for the [redacted] anime#ā€¦wait i think i realised something else. it could be a coincidence but!!!!! wait a sec#the dude from gamushara
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dazais-guardian-angel Ā· 8 months ago
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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