#bc i don't want to say 'i'm doing nothing' bc i can't get myself on a path | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

izzy-b-hands · 3 months ago

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undecided independents who have no actual political knowledge or opinions are the bane of my existence right now

#text post #sir you have no original thoughts and are literally telling me you don't understand any of this #why am i listening to five minute rambles that lead to nothing #just hang the fuck up bro bc clearly there's no getting thru to you #my super is telling me to hurry the fuck up #I'm literally talking over this man to get to the next question what the fuck else can i do #literally im asking him like. do you think the gov should have incentives to buy electric cars and he can't say yay or nay #'the world's gonna blow up in ten years bc that's what jesus wants'#great sir but i need a yes or a no #he says Reagan should have been gay to solve the AIDS crisis #buddy I dont think this is the topic for you rn #i am not the person to help you with this #this survey should take ten minutes we're on fucking twenty im gonna kill myself

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suffercerebral · 8 months ago

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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects

#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar #no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new #but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term #so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now #so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but #it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out #that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance #so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial #but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal #although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive #i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary #ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness #which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days #and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself #im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles #but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy #and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me #i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this #i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself #im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body #im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up #and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please #and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching #between numbness and overwhelming agony #what the fuck am i talking about

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jupiter--dream · 3 months ago

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(cw vent, sorry it's just been A Couple Of Days)

Not really having many irl friends comes at the price of feeling so terribly lonely, I feel like I have no one to talk to because I'm not close to enough people, or maybe I am and I just haven't talked to them in a while and I don't want this to be our first conversation qwq

I'm honestly just. Tired, tbh qwq

#I mostly talk to my partner #But they've been more absent lately and like they have their own life #But the second they're gone I realize I don't talk to anyone that much #I used to have someone else I spoke to daily; it was an awful friendship though and it took a lot of struggle to end it #But god; just qwq; I'm so tired of everything qwq #Honestly I'm disappointed in how upset it makes me that my partner is more absent because I know it's bc they've found a game they're into #And have been playing non-stop #They'll come telling me that they've done this and that and I'll be struggling HARD and will try to mention it at some point but #But like I wanna leave them their space to be excited but I just #Look. Look the NPD is getting to me; and I know these are not kind or fair feelings but #But I hate it here; I don't care about their game; I don't care about what they've done;#All my brain focuses on is that I've had a shitty fucking day and everything's gone wrong and they weren't here #Because they were fucking playing #And I know that's not fair for MANY reasons and that voicing all that would make me a massive asshole #And that at its core; it's more of a matter of never going anywhere; not having people to hang out with;#Not leaving my house nor talking to that many people #I feel so lonely and so fucking hollow qwq #My bag got taken away and I feel like I've lost an intrinsic part of myself #And to top it all off; I had today's exam and the project I'm doing #And my dad screaming and my period coming and all the things I have to do and how much I yearn for friends #Yet when I'm with my friends I can't wait to be alone #Man; just #I didn't wanna go this far; and I only say it here because no one's really gonna read it;#But I genuinely just wanna kill myself at this point #There's no point nor reason #I'm trying hard to enjoy life but nothing goes my way #I have so many things I want to do and nothing fucking goes my way #I'm so tired; I just want to go to sleep and not wake up; it's gnawing and clawing and it's such an ugly feeling qwq #I feel like if I cut myself I'd be even more pathetic; I wouldn't even be met with sympathy; just. Disappointment #It's been a while since I last self-harmed in a way that was visible

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luv-again · 2 months ago

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all year i've been torn between aiming to get a job or pursue what i love at uni but ofc my ass overthought both those options, now i think both of them could be terrible for me and now it's fucking november and i'm STILL unemployed and not doing tertiary education

#bee blabs #i'm not okay </3 #firstly where did the time go #second why tf can't i just make a decision and go for it #why do i gotta sit around and worry everything i do could be the worst mistake of my life #i want to learn i want to be out there #the world's my oyster or wtvr #except i don't think it is #and the potential pearl i could seize i think to be a myth #and ofc i'm only gonna be able to explain only half of the point above to my mates this weekend #embarrassing myself yet again #it's genuinely so shameful that i avoid seeing people bc of it #bc i don't want to say 'i'm doing nothing' bc i can't get myself on a path #genuinely i have no idea what i want to do in this world (that will keep me financially stable)#i mean- i'm writing all the time ofc #but that's not work or learning or conforming #nobody but me is satisfied for me to just Write my life away #god i have got to look at my cv again #i can't keep going on like this #it's gonna ruin me and my relationship with everyone else

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mcalhenwrites · 4 months ago

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I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse

#mcalhen personal #and I'm not saying I'm not mentally ill but ffs stop using it as a weapon to discredit people when they have the solutions right there #feels like people hate my writing and me and that's why I didn't go “I got the job” bc friends who never support me would be like #“I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU CONGRATS” cool I'm not I spend an entire day usually recovering from very calm shifts at a job I like #but the moment I publish a book it's not congrats it's I don't know this guy I don't know Cal and I'm gonna pretend I never saw anything #I don't even hate my goddamn job even tho it can be stressful but it's the easiest thing for mostly just 2 days a week #but it is not sustainable and I cannot survive on this and disability would be invasive as hell and y'all don't know shit about how they #treat disabled people in this country but goddamn I have watched that shit unfold with my autistic brother who can't work #and I can never help him at this rate #bc I can't help myself #I can't help anyone #and saying that is a big fucking issue with people who think if they say 'it gets better keep going' I'll magically unfuck my life #as if I haven't spent the entirety of my life trying to unfuck things #as if I didn't give myself an education in spite of my family #y'all never been threatened with physical violence bc you weren't supposed to ask for school supplies and it fucking SHOWS #I have learned so many things on my own time out of sheer desire to better myself and my situation #but at a point where nothing works out and each day is just filled with more bad news #at what point am I actually allowed to give up?#or am I supposed to just keep this up until I die with 40 more years of collected bullshit pain #bc if you want me to live like this for 40 years then... you never cared at all #and what's so stupid is that I really want to earn my living by doing the work #I work on my art and writing but let's just admit that it's pathetic already #no mental health services or pills will erase that I'm a pathetic garbage can of uselessness #also I realize no one owes me anything like boosting my work or w/e #but also don't ask me to turn rotten ingredients into a feast and say I'm not trying when I can't fucking do it

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thecherrygod · 7 months ago

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zemnarihah · 10 months ago

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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....

#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth #she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her #directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her #and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because #you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple #days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and #she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only #give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i #didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she #says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was #really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think #for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe #since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a #fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if #i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person #to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a #conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a #hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend #group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.

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ybcpatrick · 1 year ago

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#shut up kell #i need to yammer. somewhere.#i have too much fucking happening to my brain rn #monday is the eleventh anniversary of nana dying.#i was eleven when she died. i've had to fucking miss her for as long as i got to know her. i don't know what to do with this #every single day after monday will be another day longer than the time i got to spend on earth at the same time as her #and i'm not well! and that isn't going to be something i can deal with this weekend bc i am going to be so busy #i've got barbie on friday. i'm going to a cottage for the weekend with my friends for meg's sister's birthday #which i wanted to say no to due to the timing. but of course i said yes bc i can't say no to meg literally fucking ever bc i'm tragic.#and i also know the blackout i'd go into for the first nine years after isn't smth she would want for me. so i don't do it anymore.#i'm going to have fun and i'm going to be fine but i would be lying if i said i wasn't regretting this fucking thing rn. i don't wanna do it #i don't want to do anything. i want to have time to prepare myself for this. i need to have space to get myself ready for this shift.#but i won't get that. and then it will be monday and then i will be in the true After.#i thought ten years would be the worst one. that was nothing compared to this.#and i'm sick to my stomach thinking about next year #and the year after it. and the year after that. and the years after those.#i shouldn't have to go through this. she should have been allowed to stay. i wasn't ready then and i'm even less ready now and i want her.#i want her back and i cannot fucking have her and i will have to live however many more years beyond this without her until i'm gone too.#and then i'll just have to hope and pray that i get to go wherever she went without me.#what a cruel existence. what a horrid thing to make me do. having to keep walking this earth as her ash dances on the surface of the sea.#i'm going to bed. i will not feel better tomorrow but i'm used to that.#i'm okay and i always am and i will make it through. somehow. kicking and screaming the whole way.#i'd trade all my tomorrows for just one fucking yesterday. yeah. fuck off.

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a-rebellious-waffle · 2 years ago

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You ever see something where you're very much on someone's side but also you hate how they're handling the argument

Yeah

That

#look i get that telling people to fuck off and die is appealing but like. having been on the recieving end of that before. it's not good #i still haven't forgotten the people telling me to kill myself for the incredibly unpopular opinions of 'not everyone is equally bad'#or 'if they died fighting for a noble cause I'll honor their sacrifice bc even a bad person can do good things'#if you want to ratio them? fine. if you want to talk down to them? fine. if you want to treat them like children? fine. but there's a line #and for me that line is when you have a paragraph of insults with zero arguments within.#i get that debating those people gives them legitimacy they don't deserve. but I also truly believe that in order to fully destroy a nazi #you need to obliterate their arguments. you can't just say they're wrong and tell them to fuck themselves. you need to explain why #because if there's nothing disproving them then there's nothing telling other people WHY they shouldn't believe their shit.#there's no barrier or sign marking the slippery slope and big shock the slippery slope is in fact slippery! people slip! and fall!#look this may be a shocker guys but not every fascist is born a fascist. 99% of fascists are tricked into believing in fascism #I've got a whole post I'm editing specifically on that topic in fact. it's a whole thing.#if you explain to a fascist why they're wrong you don't just guard yourself against fascism. you don't just help guard others against fash.#you might even redeem a fascist and help them see the error of their ways #and even if you don't it's still worth trying!#anyways. rant over

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aethersflames · 2 months ago

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#at a low point and i only have myself to blame #whether i can control it or not. it's a mix of both but either way its me #i thought i was doing alright. nobody was actively bothering me.#and then out of nowherre i start getting flashbacks and i cant sleep #not to self diagnose but i guess i do have ptsd after all i think #or cptsd actually bc it was Many Little Things instead of One Big Thing #and i google the symptoms and…… what i found broke me.#i'm supposed to be relieved to find the terms to explain not-normal things about me no?#to tell me that i'm not broken and that i'm not the only one like this?#well… yeah. i'm far from the only one. but it told me that i am broken #and i think it's unfair that had thing gone different i could've been a functional human being #i know i've improved over the years but it hurts to know that there's a point i can never reach no matter how hard i aspire to it #it just runs too deep #and i know it will only get worse #i cried my fuxking eyes out about it at therapy and still it's not enough #and i know it's stupid and that i might as well be overblowing it and i hate it #but that's just the way it is and it's not passing anytime soon #i can't heal. not unless i free myself from the situation i’m in and have lived in for p much my whole life #and that i can't do either bc i'm a cowardly shit with no initiative #i can only cry and seethe in the distance at worse people who are somehow doing better #why do the disgusting creeps who hurt my heart and spirit get to be happy?#brave enough to step out and ask for help and charming enough to get it?#there's nothing i can do #and to the people i love - there's nothing you can either #and that's okay #the only thing i can do now is just… keep going and try my best to not get worse #i don't want this to define me (though i am sure it is a futile effort)#i dont think what i'm saying makes sense anymore

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fxckinemo · 3 months ago

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ughhhh

#i feel like I've dug myself too deep into class skipping and now I'm like. nervous to go back. i keep trying and i just can't #and i know it literally wouldn't actually matter to anyone but it still bothers me #that combined with there being someone I really don't want to be around there makes it really fucking hard to actually go #im gonna try again tomorrow bc I actually have work to do so I won't just be basically sitting there for nothing #but who knows I'm probably just gonna end up going back to sleep again #im gonna push to at least go to the second one bc I'm more behind in that one and he's not in it and hopefully won't be hanging out there #idk why i still get so worked up over him either but it really bothers me and hearing his voice makes me actually sick #i keep getting “better” and then when i try to start going to classes more or whatever i fall right back into the hurt and spiral again #bc he's in fucking two of them so it's not like I can help it the only way to avoid him is to not go to school #but I can't keep skipping every week either #i hate being vulnerable but i may have to just explain it to the teacher so i can at least maybe get permission to work form home #instead of me being a dick and skipping without saying anything #i just don't wanna sound weird cause i fully shouldn't be so bothered anymore #maybe I'll send her a canvas message explaining or something i feel bad she probably thinks i hate her class #like no no it's difficult but the only thing i actually hate rn is being around him.#that plus the fact that i work full time makes it really hard to convince myself not to just go back to bed #honestly if i lived slightly closer to the school this probably wouldn't be an issue #but it's a 20 minute drive on the highway both to get there and back and then to work #plus there's only an hour gap bw the two classes so it's basically pointless to leave school and come back #and work is an hr and a half after class ends so my dog basically ends up in the crate all day and i feel bad #I'm gonna have to just message the teacher and explain all this ig. we'll see of i manage to go to class tomorrow

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ame-to-ame · 3 months ago

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life can be a literal nightmare sometimes even when ur trying ur best to have fun and do well </3

#i love saying something without thinking abt it and completely missing something an ND person would get #and everyone has a reaction and ur sitting here trying to backtrack and feeling like every time you open your mouth it's a deeper grave #knowing that your friend is going to literally go talk to some other friend abt ur situation and ur gonna be helpless abt it #the thought makes me sick #i know my narrative is going to be taken away from me again #the whole thing has been. a nightmare #it feels so unfair when she said that she felt that way because what do you mean. what do you mean. the whole time i #i have been trying to make sure you're comfortable. i ask what you want. i ask if things are okay. i worried so much about you not knowing #it's not for my lack of asking and trying. i involved you in every decision making process. i tried to know what you wanted how you felt #but when you decided to pull the rug you didn't think how it would implicate me. there was no communication no trying #i had no say no context nothing just guilt and blame from other people for making you upset and not knowing why and i was expected to just #sit there Shut up and take it #and i did. i did. i did what you asked i did what you wanted #i made myself so small to the point it started to kill me #god. I've left you fucking alone. and still i have people telling me to avoid things and places bc of you.#how much smaller do i have to make myself?#i just know that by the end of the talk my friends have between Each other. the space I'm allowed to exist in will get smaller.#I'm going to have to behave in a more palatable way. be more quiet. live more quietly. die in a corner quietly.#I'm expected to ask for help from them but i can't have a breakdown in front of them because they can't take it.#I'm expected to rely on others but i can't ask them about this topic. i can't even talk about it.#it's good that i have. other things to keep me occupied. because or else this is suffocating. i don't want to be living like this #delete later

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darthgender · 1 year ago

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being so so good at expressing to my partner that I was upset by something they did and then feeling worse when they don't respond in the exact way I want them to and then feeling evil and manipulative for continuing to tell them how sad I am haha my brain has a broom and is hitting me with it repeatedly

#this communicating shit sucks why can't people just read my mind #personal #''you certainly can't change your mood by doing nothing and spiraling“ wrong i can make it worse #the urge to have a healthy relationship and the urge to self sabotage and push people away are having a cage match in my head #and boy does it not look pretty #ventinggggg #trying to subtlely communicate that i want some attention and validation without saying it outright #bc she's downstairs havin fun with her friends and im totally invited but i got into a weird mood like an hour before so i don't want to #be around any people. plus i ''have to sleep for work“#even tho I'm just gonna be awake spiraling for hours anyways #but my attempts to get reassurance are probably coming off as argument and she seems so annoyed with me #so now i definitely can't ask directly #and I'm definitely gonna get off work tomorrow in a bad mood and probably be a bummer at the goth club on nye #i fucking hate myself and my dumbass emotions i either need to kms or get high

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pondscummy · 1 year ago

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I feel like kind of a bad person for this but a lot of the time I really feel like I would heavily prefer dating a cis man to dating a trans man

#pond.txt #like i feel like such a traitor lmao and obviously t4t is wonderful #I'd never like turn down someone i liked for being a trans guy; my last two meaningful relationships were w trans masc people #i'd very happily do that again but. But......#idk i just. i Like cis guys in a way that feels more charged and more... idk i miss cis men. sure they can't understand my gender #but neither can i lmfao i don't know how much that matters to me these days so long as i felt safe and wanted w my partner #i literally always picture myself w a cis man as my partner and i think i feel safer w one sexually idk #i have a definite preference for dick and i've got a condition that makes my uhhhh hole entrance hypersensitive #in a painful way. and with cis men i can grin and bear some rly painful sex until the nerves get desensitized and it's easier #but with my ex i like Panicked w the strap and broke down crying bc it hurt and i didn't feel safe at all bc they couldn't like #feel what they were doing and respond to my comfort or lack thereof by touch-sense #it's hard to say 'just a little bit at a time' to somewhere wearing a strap unless they're actually watching them enter you #and that's so like. clinical to me in that moment bc *i'm* not turned on enough to see it as like. sexy that they're watching #i'm just thinking about being viewed while in pain and it feels so vulnerable in a Wretched way. not hot and nothing to distract me #meanwhile i've trusted multiple complete and total strangers w the same thing and been able to get through to a point where #i can relax and enjoy sex after they've initially gone in. but i Loved my ex boyfriend and i couldn't bear to even let him try #idk. and i sort of love the relationship cis men have to gender (aside from the more toxic elements)#like i love the ease of knowing they're men. the comparative lack of thought. in a sense that's More like my gender than what most trans #guys i know experience. i've had Very little dysphoria compared to most. i just am like a guy idk. i don't think about it or care to #i just always picture myself w a cis guy:( i wanna cis boyfriend

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thecherrygod · 1 year ago

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Hm

#my posts #look yes i keep making at least one post like this a day and it will continue but its either letting it out or i have no idea #also in my defense y believe most of my mutuals arent up so it is peak time to post about feeling like shit #my plan isnt for someone to read these its for the bullshit to get out and try to not get to the point shit hits the fan #anyways man teen me would be so fucking disappointed by so many things the mere fact we are still alive would make them livid #and alive and living like this?#probably if they knew it was gonna be like this it would have happened lmao #they would just think we are a coward and a dumbass who can't do anything right tbh but they did know then too it's not knew #if it was new we wouldn't be here wouldn't we. why am i referring to is in plural it's just two dif timed mes #but yeah they are probably like 'hey of you are gonna keep living at least you could do it in a way no one regrets it' but alas we do #and we will keep regretting it bc our death won't be our choice. the deadline for it was extended until we were 20 and it's long closed #.... things are getting worse tho they put true but like. that isn't an option anymore lmao it sucks tbh #... i don't have anything else to say that isn't repeating it #i. do wish it was still an option idek why it isn't anymore it's some stupid arbitrary rule #i hate this. it's like. i really don't do a single thing that could make any version of me proud of myself #not teen me not child me not current me. none of us is okay with whatever the fuck i have going on and yet!#.man. I've spent all day tired and wanting to cry for nothing particular but also for literally everything so like #that would fix me. i don't know how to make it happen #... I'm gonna go to sleep #i need my phone to finish charging but that'll be over soon #so yeah I'll. go to sleep soon

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tbaluver · 3 months ago

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The Love And DeepSpace Men- Boyfriend Headcanons + Scenarios/ Imagines Pt. 2

parings in order: Xavier x Reader, Zayne x Reader, Rafayel x Reader, Sylus x Reader requested: myself bc i craved writing something sweet genre: perhaps tooth rotting fluff fluff warnings: none unless you want cavities a/n: every day i wish they were real and every day i have a lads brain rot and i would gatekeep these ideas but i would never so here ya go ! lmk if i should write more of these ૮ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ა enjoy reading ! first part is here if you haven't read it! Pt.1 any likes and reblogs are always appreciated! enjoy!

⋆｡‧˚ʚ♡ɞ˚‧｡⋆

Xavier:

The type of boyfriend who will finish your food whenever you can't finish it. He'll let you eat his food even when you say you're not hungry or you don't want anything. If the food he gets isn't something you would want, he'll make sure to buy something for you even if you say you don't want it.

You can expect his hand to always sneak into your lap when you lay in bed together after a long day. Gently embracing your lower stomach and whispering sweet nothings into your ear before you both fall asleep.

If you can't sleep, he'll try to join you for midnight snacks and watch whatever's on TV. He's trying his best to stay awake but you can already see him dozing off, clutching the stuffed plushie you won at the arcade.

Scenario:

You two sat on the soft grass, surrounded by a blanket of stars that painted the dark canvas of the night sky, eagerly waiting for the shooting stars to streak by.

"Xavier do you have anything in mind for what you're going to wish for?"

He turns to you, his gaze softening and a gentle smile spreads across his face. "I don't need to wish for anything else if my wish has already come true- I'm looking right at her."

Zayne:

He keeps all the little trinkets you've given him by his nightstand at home and his desk at work. That way when he wakes up you're the first thing on his mind, not that you left his mind in the first place. Each time he glances at them, he's flooded with happy memories and filled with anticipation to return to your embrace.

The type of boyfriend who puts a blanket over you if you fall asleep on the couch and eventually carries you to your shared bed.

Puts a ridiculous amount of sugar in his coffee that kind of leaves you concerned for your lover's sweet tooth.

Scenario 1:

You two lay in bed together, enjoying the lazy morning, not wanting to get up as if doing so would mean the day truly had to begin. You trace the outlines of his bare chest, your fingers dancing over the area where his heart beats.

“What are you doing?” he asks curiously as he watches you glide your fingers gently around his chest.

“Finding your heart and seeing who lives there,”

He lets out a breathy chuckle, a smile curling on his lips. “No one is there right now.”

You frown at his response, a playful pout forming on your lips. He cups your cheek, finding your reaction to be amusing and adorable. “That’s because the owner of my heart is currently right in front of me.”

Scenario 2:

As Zayne rushes to get ready for an emergency call from the hospital, his glasses are perched on top of your head.

“Zayne, aren’t you forgetting something?” you hinted, leaning in for a goodbye kiss.

“Ah yes, thank you.” He retrieves his glasses and you mock a pout. But he leans down, brushing your lips with his with a sweet kiss, amusement sparkling in his eyes. “I love you. Please don’t stay up waiting for me again.”

Rafayel:

Sometimes he can be your boyfriend but sometimes he's also like your child from how much you baby him

He needs to be close to you at all times. The type of boyfriend who is all over you all the time. He needs to be close and touching you at all times. If you got hot from cuddling, he'll have either his hands or legs over your body because if you were apart for more than a second he thinks he might explode.

The boyfriend who stays up making something special for days and stays up overnight just to make it perfect just for you.

The type of boyfriend who adjusts your do not disturb on your phone so only his notification pops up whenever you're on do not disturb.

Imagine swimming in the ocean, you're enveloped in his embrace as you both gaze at the moonlight and stars above. He holds you close, resting his chin gently on the top of your head while you nestle your hand and head against his chest. It’s perfect like this. Just two of you near his homeland, the sea. Just him and you in your own world where you both find peace with the gentle sounds of the waves surrounding you both.

Sylus:

At the beginning of your relationship he redecorates his entire home so that you'll like it more and feel more inclined to stay over and stay the night at his place.

He only has a soft spot for you and only you. You see a side of him no one else does and not just that but his super silly side.

Sometimes he'll lift you onto the counter or lift you up to get what you need on a high shelf just because he wants to hold you.

The type of boyfriend who gets on his knees or sits down to be on the same level as you when you don't want to look up at him anymore. If he was sitting, he's definitely pulling you to his lap because you're not going to be the only one standing!

The type to hold all of your shopping bags and pure for you when you’re out shopping together. He does not complain about holding your purse at all, not that it would ever bother him in the first place. Also does not complain about holding all of your shopping bags, it’s literally light work for him and he would encourage you to buy more things of whatever you wanted.

Imagine after a long night at an auction, you two stumble back into your shared home not breaking the kiss. Your hands rest on Sylus’s neck, slowly sliding down as he murmurs sweet phrases against your lips. His strong arms wrap around your waist as he carries you bridal style, guiding you both toward your shared bedroom.

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