#and i google the symptoms and…… what i found broke me.

[aethersflames]

.

[studywgabi]

Anyone Else?

I am 18 years old and I just found out I am intersex.

I started puberty at an earlier age than average. I had severe acne, oily skin, and hirsutism in second grade. I remember my dad telling me to wash my face because I was getting "a type of pimple called a blackhead" (he had to explain to me what it was, I had never heard of them) when he dropped me off at before-school daycare at 7 years old. When I told my mom I had hair under my arms that same year, she flat-out refused to believe me. She simply said I did not, that it was impossible.

I started shaving my legs in third grade, after begging my parents to let me for a year. My mom said I should only have to shave every other day, and again denied the truth when I told her that wasn't enough. Once I started shaving my legs, I noticed the hair everywhere else: my back, my chest, my face, all over.

I googled my symptoms over and over, scouring the internet for a documented experience of any other woman who was like me. I questioned my gender identity over the years. I had wondered if it was possible for me to be intersex, but I had a very limited view of what that could mean, and I assumed if I was, it would be very physically, externally, obvious. At that time, I didn't think it was possible for my doctors, my parents, and everyone else in my life to miss something so important.

For about a year, I identified as non-binary and used they/them pronouns. I think that part of this came from a place of being young and exploring my identity, but it also came from deep insecurity. I didn't feel like being a girl was an option for me because of the way I looked, so I thought it would ease my pain to pretend I wasn't a girl. I want to make it abundantly clear that I am in no way saying questioning one's gender identity is only about being insecure. That was my personal experience, and I am in the minority. I am the exception to the vast majority of experiences.

I bought plain, solid-color, clothes 3 sizes too big and wore pants and long sleeves all summer to swallow me up. I always wore my hair down and I always had bangs to cover as much of my face as possible. I wanted to make it impossible to see my face at all, and, between bangs, glasses, makeup, and a mask, I was fairly close.

By the time I was 12, I had developed a four-hour daily routine for removing all my hair. After a year of seeing my therapist, I finally broke down and told her about my hirsutism via pen and paper and through tears. I was so, so ashamed that I couldn't even say the word "hair" out loud. She immediately told me I might have PCOS, something I had never heard of, and it turns out she was right.

It was only recently, six years after my PCOS diagnosis, that I found out there was any discussion at all about PCOS being considered an intersex condition. I am ashamed to say my first reaction was one of more fear and insecurity. I have been chasing womanhood all my life, and this felt like yet another barrier to it. Even if I didn't identify as intersex after reading about this, it's taught me I have quite a bit of unlearning to work on.

I am in no way qualified to declare PCOS to be an intersex condition, and I am not telling other people with PCOS that they have to be intersex, but I now identify as intersex. I love that PCOS awareness is a trending hastag on tiktok, but there is still so much more research that needs to be done, especially into this particular area. I read peer-reviewed journals from scientists and blog posts about individuals' real experiences and I found a term that feels like home for me, that fell in line with the way I had always felt about myself. I will still use she/her pronouns, because they also feel right for me.

When I experience things like this, I don't know what else to do but write about them. I hope we learn more about this, and I hope I can talk to someone who has also had this experience. Thank you.

[sleepy-wyvern]

Eddie Munson x fem!Reader Menstrual Comfort

Image drawn by me, specifically for this fic ♡ if you like this fic feel free to send a request or let me know if you want more

Synopsis; Eddie breaks into your apartment to help you with your period symptoms. Fluffy and wholesome, no sexual interaction. 

Reminder: Eddie wants you to part take in self care ♡ 

You look at the time on your phone and groan. 1pm and you’re still exhausted, awoken by the gnawing pain in your lower stomach. You pout as you grasp at the bed sheets, pulling them up to your chin, cuddling into them. 

You hated being unwell and taking any time off of any kind of productivity, but your body ached to stay in bed today. Blinking in the morning sun rays through the curtains, you mumble profanities. In a sleepy haze you notice a glass of water with ice cubes still floating on the surface. Sitting up quickly you wonder if someone broke into your apartment. 

“Relax sleepyhead” a deep soothing voice chimes from your bedroom door frame “cursing out the sun now?” He smiles playfully. 

“And my ovaries” you comment, picking up the glass of water gently into your hands. It was so fresh and cold that the water condensed on the outside, dripping a little onto your bed sheets. You didn’t care though, your parched mouth and chapped lips eagerly sipping. 

Eddie makes his way over from your door frame, holding your favorite pink octopus mug. He wears his normal Hellfire tee with dark ripped jeans, decked out with his accessories. His metal rings make a quiet dink against the ceramic mug as he readjusts his grip upon the steaming beverage, stepping carefully as to not spill it. 

“How did you get in?” You ask sitting back against your pillow. Since the last time Eddie broke in you were making sure to close and lock the windows, lest any thieves get the same idea. 

“Smashed in the window in your door and reached in to unlock it” you rolled your eyes but you welcomed his humor.

 “I found the spare key by the plant on the porch” he admitted, holding the mug down to you. 

"Gotta find a new hiding place for it" you replying hold out your hands carefully accepting the beverage. The mug was filled with steaming yellow liquid and had a peppery sweet aroma. 

“What’s this?” You ask. 

“You texted me in the middle of the night you were having bad camps” he says sitting on the edge of the bed, watching you with warm brown eyes that have an edge of concern. “I came by to make sure you were ok since I didn’t hear from you this morning.” 

He moves a hand to your leg, squeezing it slightly and the gesture sent tingles through your body. He went all this way here to make sure you were okay?

You take a sip of the hot liquid, letting the warmth spread down your body. Ginger with lemons, you note.

“How did you know that it was good for cramps…?” You ask and Eddie looks at the ground shyly. 

“I, uh, saw a bunch of tea in your cupboards” he says embarrassed. “I googled what’s good for cramps” he mumbles afterwards, looking away. 

You can’t help but smile at his effort, this man worked so damn hard to make you happy. You wondered how in fact he could be real despite sitting right in front of you. You’re interrupted by the curdling pain of your stomach and excuse yourself. 

“I, uh, bathroom” you mumble shyly.

 He nods and reluctantly moves his hand off your leg, moving out of the way so you could stand. You immediately miss the warmth of his body, but quickly make your way to the bathroom so you could be back sooner. 

Once you’re back you notice your bed is made but with the sheets pulled back for you to hop back into. Not only that but there's a glass of orange juice on the table, with a container of Midol and a breakfast sandwich from your favorite take out place. You waste no time sitting on the bed and taking a bite out of your breakfast. You wonder where Eddie went and the sound of water running in the tub answers your question. 

He re-emerges not long after you hear the water stop running “I hope you like it, I stopped by for food the way here. I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I got you what you had the last time we went.”

You think back to the lovely Saturday morning date you had with him, the same day he made it in through a window the first time. Him pulling open the curtains while you groaned at him, not wanting to get up. The sky was blue and the sun was shining, he coaxed you up and out of bed with promises of a yummy breakfast. The spring morning smelled of fresh melting snow as you sat together outside the restaurant. You refused to admit it to him but you enjoyed it, just watching people walk by on the cobblestone path while you ate in each others presence. Birds sang and people chattered while you laughed to yourselves about whatever goofy thing Eddie had come up with. Afterwards you ventured to the old record store Eddie loved, picking out a new one for you both to listen to.

You smile finishing up the last of your meal, snapping back to reality. “I love it” you reassure him “dare I ask what you were up to in the bathroom?” you smile.

He shrugs leaning against the door frame “I ran you a bath if you felt up to it” he folds his arms clearly nervous looking down, making your heart pound. “If not I mean I’ll take one” he laughs to diffuse his own nerves, playing his goofy voice up “bubbles and everything” he regains his courage to look at you. He was always shy to admit how much you meant to him, you thought it was quite adorable.

You go to his side giving him a large hug catching him off guard. Quickly though he hugs you back, running his thumb along your waist. 

“Yeah, yeah” he murmurs, not wanting to accept praise. 

“Thank you, really” you smile. 

“Go take your bath before I do” he winks and you shake your head, smacking his butt before moving to your wardrobe. 

You pick out fresh new pajamas and underwear and venture to the bathroom, pleased to see Eddie has lit a candle even. You leave the door unlocked and open just a crack but he sits on the floor outside to give you privacy. 

Stripping down you let yourself sink into the bubble filled tub. The hot water swirls around your body, soothing the aches and cramps. You sigh, relaxing back taking in the scent of warm vanilla. 

“You didn’t have to do all this for me” you speak, unsure if he’s still there. 

“I know but you deserve it.” He pauses for a moment “I don’t like seeing you in pain” he whispers. You imagine him fumbling nervously with his rings as he usually does when he talks about his feelings, an action you've grown accustomed to and found endearing.

You smile, splashing the water slightly as you shift your weight. 

“The world doesn’t deserve you” you murmur low enough for him to not hear. 

“Did you want me to wash your hair?” He asks and you accept. 

He walks in cracking his knuckles “hairdresser Eddie on duty, welcome to your spa day” he says while kneeling down by the tub to shampoo your hair. 

“What experience do you have as a hairdresser, bathing a dog?” You ask while he lathers your hair, sending relaxing sensations over your body.

He laughs “I did actually. A neighbor's dog. This is a muuuch much better experience" his deep voice purrs over the word much to your delight.

“I can see why you’re a cat person” you say while he rinses the suds out of your hair. 

“You know me, I’m more of a demon person” he scoops up some bubbles from the other end of the tub and attempts to make two horns on top of his hair with a matching beard. 

You giggle, forgetting your bodily discomfort for even a moment while taking in the rest of the bubble bath. He graciously scrubs your back with a wash cloth and you joke around and splash until the water turns colder. You shoo him out so you can get dressed and dry your hair, feeling refreshed and recharged. 

Returning to your bedroom, you’re pleased to see him waiting there in bed for you. On the bed also lies a hot water bottle looking full. Gladly you join him, snuggling close to his chest under the comfort of warm clean bed sheets. 

“Your toes are freezing!” He stammers as you try to warm them against his. 

“This is revenge for the hand incident” you think back to him using your breasts to warm his hands on a cold day, chasing you around your apartment with an evil grin. Begrudgingly he obliges this time, pulling you closer to him. 

“You really didn’t have to do all this you know” you whisper as he turns the tv on, flipping to Netflix turning on your show. He holds the hot water bottle up to your lower stomach, nuzzling his face into your shoulder lovingly.

“I know” he kisses the top of your head “but I did because I want to and you deserve it. You deserve the whole world.”

[algolagniaa]

this is just about my health and probably won’t be interesting to anyone else

for literally years I had a sinus infection that would not go away for anything like I tried so many things and nothing fixed it. and it was mostly just on the right side of my head and I thought maybe it was an infected tooth or an ear infection so I tried to attack it from all three directions and it still didn’t go away. had a tooth removed and still nothing. and it got better when I moved to California but still didn’t go away like it just got to a point I could live with it and pretty much ignore it. and may have done that forever except I started to notice my face was asymmetrical when it never had been before and then I noticed my jaw muscle on the left side is now WAY bigger than the one on my right. well duh bc I’ve been chewing all my food on the left side of my mouth for years now bc the right side was always in pain. and so now the left side of my face is a completely different worse shape than my right like you cannot see my beautiful bone structure At All and so obviously I tried to fix it by using my right side more. that was on Monday and literally instantly as soon as I did that I got a sinus headache and my jaw started hurting and my ear and head started hurting and even my NECK on that side started hurting which never happened before. and now guess what I’m home missing work bc I have a really bad sinus infection just like clockwork. and I won’t be able to see any kind of a doctor or dentist until January at the earliest bc I have no insurance + no money but I cannot live in pain and UGLY until then so I did the thing you should never do and googled my symptoms hoping to stay on top of the problem. wow this is such a Virgo post. anyway. well everything seems to point to fucking TMJ which is annoying bc I know my brother had that. but worse than annoying everything I read SCARED me tbh especially when I went on Reddit and found a subreddit of people with incurable pain who talk about how dying would be better than suffering this and it only gets worse and there’s no real cure except very expensive jaw surgery and like I know that’s Reddit and everyone there is addicted to their own misery in my rational mind i KNOW that but it’s still scary. and I found physical therapy exercises online too and I’ve been doing them and I can pretty easily make my jaw line up the way it’s supposed to but the thing is the right alignment is what hurts me. the only thing that doesn’t hurt is moving my jaw all the way over to the left and only using the left side of my mouth and that’s what’s making me ugly in the first place. it almost feels like the teeth on the right side of my mouth are longer than the ones on the left?? so when my jaw lines up my teeth don’t and vice versa. anyway I Don’t know how to fix this. and I have less than zero faith that even if I do get in to see someone it’ll get fixed bc in my experience doctors haven’t ever taken me seriously. and everyone online is like YOU CAN’T SEE A REGULAR DENTIST FOR THIS YOU NEED TO SEE THESE 6 SPECIALISTS INSTEAD well I don’t know if I can afford that or even How to go about seeing all those people and if it means jumping through a lot of hoops to get referrals how the fuck am I supposed to do That. and according to what I’ve been reading this also might be the cause of my bad posture and sleep problems and depression and I can’t do anything about it for at Least two months and maybe not ever. and my jaw hurts while I’m typing this and it feels like I have a phantom hurting tooth where the tooth I got removed that probably wasn’t even infected was. and I can look forward to a long future of suffering and being ugly and also being broke. and I kind of want to just break my own jaw

[iwillruletheuniverse]

One hundred and ninety-nine weeks since I held him but I’ll always hold him. This day in 2019 was the day I found the horse carriage toy in a second hand store. That evening I let him ride in it. I know where it is and I dread the day I will see it again. Last thursday, I was in such pain that night and that entire morning Thomas. I know you already know this but I still want to write about it today. I thought about you and remembered all those times you had to go to the vet because you were so sick. How brave you always was. I told mum I had to call for help. I really thought I would be allowed to meet a doctor but this is Sweden so please cry when no one is watching and suck it up if you’re not a criminal ofc then you’re welcome. The nurse I talked to on the phone sighed at me when I told her my symptoms. She told me that I most likely have a broken rib ‘or ribs idk’ and told me to take painkillers. Yeah they haven’t helped at all. They do let me sleep but last night I woke up two times in deep pain when I turned around. I remember once long ago when I was actually welcome to the doctor. I told myself then I would never bother them anymore. And I won’t call for help ever again. Not after last thursday. I googled about a broken rib today. It said, ‘see your doctor if you have difficulty breathing or pain with deep breathing’ so hopefully I’ll see you very soon Thomas. Please be there to welcome me. I know my pain is nothing compared to how it was for him but it is really bothering me. I can’t even laugh when I watch funny movies bc it hurts so bad. It hurts when I drop something on the floor and I drop things on the floor constantly now like what is that about. But what’s worst is that I wouldn’t even have been able to pick him up had he been here. That breaks my heart to a million pieces to think about. What is all this about btw. I never broke my ribs when I had cough when he was here.

[e-dubbc11]

Why Weren’t You There?

Images found on Pinterest/Google

Pairing: Billy Russo x F! Reader

Warnings: mentions of PTSD, sadness, reader being comforting and supportive, trauma, mentions of broken bones, love confession, dialogue in the beginning is similar to dialogue in S2E4 of the Punisher series.

Word Count: 3.7k-ish

Summary: Billy starts opening up a little about his childhood trauma. Between his time in the Marines and his time at the group home, reader is convinced he has some form of PTSD and he also suffers from nightmares that he never wants to talk about. But as you grow closer, he trusts you enough that he can be more vocal in your relationship.

A/N: This is a very sensitive subject so I did some basic research into PTSD nightmares and I am by no means an expert. I did some reading about how to help someone suffering with them. Also this is MY Billy Russo, in my own little world where he and Frank are still best friends and where he never told Dinah the story of his broken arm.

As always, thank you for reading!  I appreciate it so much and comments are welcome and encouraged. Don’t be shy to tell me your favorite part. 💕💕💕

Billy mentioned his nightmares have been less frequent since the two of you started dating. One of the symptoms of PTSD, was nightmares but he seemed happier and less stressed since your relationship began so he told you they were getting better.

You never pushed him to talk about them if he didn’t want to, talk about the group home, or talk about what he saw while overseas in Iraq and Afghanistan. More than likely, the cause of his post-traumatic stress was more so the group home than the marines.

Not to say the marines didn’t contribute to it in some ways, he is a combat veteran after all and has seen and experienced a LOT, but it was the story he told you about his rotator cuff being ripped in three places by a man that used to visit the group home that really broke your heart and it was enough to give anyone issues. Billy never wanted to talk about Arthur, although you had an idea of why he didn’t.

But again, you never pushed him, his best friend Frank had mentioned that Billy doesn’t talk about his childhood with a lot of people, actually he’s never really told anyone about that incident except for Frank. Billy must really care about you for him to open up like that.

“Billy, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. You know that right? I just want you to know that you can talk to me, if you ever want to.”

He smiled a little half smile. “No, I—I know I don’t have to but I want to because I—I trust you.”

So you listened, never uttering a single word, just held his hand and just let him talk about whatever he wanted. You could tell it was difficult for Billy to talk about growing up in the group home. The way he pressed his lips together and gritted his teeth when he talked about Arthur breaking his arm, and the way he looked away from you like he was ashamed of it. He did smile when he expressed how much he loved playing stick ball in the street, and he thought he’d be a famous baseball player when he grew up.

“I loved baseball ya know? I had this dream that maybe I could have played professionally, I wanted to be the next Joe DiMaggio, but yeah—Arthur took that away from me.”

His story made you angry, it made you cry but you were so proud of him for being a little more open and vocal in the relationship. You never expected him to open up like he has, that he feels comfortable enough to tell you about such a traumatic experience, it made you happy but sad at the same time that he had to go through that.

When your relationship became intimate, he talked a little more about the nightmares which, you thought, stemmed from the PTSD and you didn’t want to stay over his place unless he was comfortable with it.

“Why don’t you ever stay over, y/n? Do you just not want to?”

“Oh, no, no Billy—it’s not that I don’t want to stay over, please don’t think that. I just—“ You paused for a minute. “I just didn’t know if you’d be ok with it, because, well, your nightmares and everything.”

You had done some research on PTSD and nightmares, it mentioned not waking the person, but to calmly try and guide them through it and do it while they’re still sleeping.

Or if they have a time frame during the night when they typically have these nightmares you can wake them up before it starts. The disruption in sleep helps with the bad dreams but you really hated to wake him.

Billy had to sleep very close, he spooned up behind you, rarely loosening his grip on you for the duration of the night, and he mentions that he wants you to wake him up if you have to get out of bed for anything.

“If you have to get out of bed for any reason, I want you to wake me up, I need to know you’re getting up.”

It seemed a little excessive.

“But if you’re sleeping, I really hate to wake you up just to tell you I’m getting a glass of water or using the bathroom.”

Billy was very insistent and you could tell by the look on his face that it was just something he needed from you.

“Baby, promise me you’ll wake me up, please?”

You gently brushed his beard with your fingers.

“Ok, if that’s what you want me to do Billy, then that’s what I’ll do. I promise.”

Of course Billy had a nightmare the very first night you decided to stay over. At first you felt him twitch a little, his hands and feet moved, and he made little noises in his sleep but it wasn’t anything too alarming.

But as the nightmare progressed, the whimpers became a little louder and you were trying to be careful as to not wake him but rather try to soothe him, calm him while he’s still asleep.

“Billy, Billy, sshh, sshh. It’s ok.” You were scared to touch him and all you wanted to do was to take that pain away from him, to make it all go away but sadly that wasn’t up to you and thankfully it didn’t escalate too far and he seemed to settle back to a sound sleep.

You asked about it the next morning, he emphatically said he didn’t want to talk about it, but before you asked again, you remembered you were there to listen, not to try and force him to talk about it and he was grateful that you didn’t.

Anytime you had to get out of bed, you woke him up, even though you hated doing that but it brought him comfort to know where you were and to have you there next to him. There was one time however, you didn’t wake him up and things went horribly wrong.

Billy had a stressful day at work, the towering pile of paperwork was sky high on his desk, and going over applications for new recruits was a long and tedious process. He only wanted the best people for the job, so meticulously going over each application took a lot out of him, he was tired, and a little moody.

You tried to cheer him up by taking him out for dinner and drinks at his favorite bar but he was very quiet, distant, so you thought maybe it would be best if you just went home after dinner and left him alone, maybe he’d feel better in the morning. After paying the check, you tried to just leave and go home but he wanted you to come back to his place with him.

“Billy, you just seem a little stressed, you’re tired, and didn’t say much at dinner. I figured maybe you’d want to be alone tonight.” You said as you put your coat on and swung your purse over your shoulder.

He didn’t want you to go, he took your hand and brushed your knuckles with his long, slender fingers and begged you to come home with him.

“I’m sorry if it seemed like I was somewhere else darling, it’s just a really busy time for me at work.”

He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, you could tell he was frustrated with himself.

“Please? I just want to be with you tonight.”

He looked at you with his tired eyes, you didn’t want Billy to be alone so you agreed to stay with him.

When you got back to his apartment, the two of you had a relaxing shower together, and even though he barely had the energy, he lovingly washed every inch of your body. He insisted, it was his way of apologizing and to make sure you weren’t mad at him. Of course you weren’t mad at him, you understood how busy it can get for him at work and tried to tell him that he didn’t have to do that.

“Billy, you really don’t have to—I know you’re tired. Are you trying to make up for being quiet at dinner?”

But Billy didn’t answer you, he just pulled you in close so your chest was flush with his, he bit his bottom lip and started to leave a trail of gentle kisses from your forehead, to your lips, and down your neck then back up to your lips again.

These kisses were bolder, hungrier, his lips felt smooth and firm, his strong hands roaming all over your naked body, tracing all of your curves, tangling his fingers in your wet hair, and you wanted nothing more than to tell him to keep kissing you, that you ached for him to devour every inch of you, but he needed rest. The shadows under his eyes were so prominent on his strikingly handsome face—sleep was calling his name.

“Hey handsome—how about we try and get some sleep, hmmm? You look exhausted, baby.” Billy hated to admit it but he was quite tired “maybe you’re right, love” so you both finished up in the shower and prepared for bed.

He waited patiently for you to climb into bed next to him, affectionately watching as you put one of his t-shirts on to sleep in. Billy loved when you slept in his old Marines t-shirts, they always smelled like your coconut and vanilla shampoo after you were finished wearing them and he couldn’t get enough of that scent.

After getting comfortable in bed, he gingerly peppered kisses on the back of your neck, the bristles of his beard scratched your soft skin as he fell asleep.

Later on that night, you slowly opened your eyes and had the feeling of extreme thirst. It was still very dark out so you assumed it was the middle of the night, Billy was sound asleep next to you and he had actually rolled onto his other side, facing away from you, towards the nightstand.

In the darkness, you could make out the silhouette of his shoulder rising and falling with his quiet steady breathing. You desperately needed some water but you really didn’t want to wake him up, he was sleeping so soundly, so peacefully.

You’d be really quick, just get a glass of water and right back to bed, he’d never know you were gone. While you were in the kitchen, you thought you heard Billy make a noise but by then it was too late. From the bedroom you heard a crash that sounded like the lamp from the nightstand hitting the floor followed by Billy’s panicked voice.

“Y/N! Y/N!! Where are you?!!!”

He stumbled out of the bedroom and crashed into you on your way back towards the bedroom. You were knocked backwards onto the floor and a couple of objects fell off the coffee table when the two of you bumped into it. The look on his face while he was rushing towards you was blind panic, terror, and it scared you. It scared you that he might hurt himself or that he might accidentally hurt you.

“Billy!! Hey, hey! Billy it’s me! Sssshhhh!”

He grabbed you and squeezed you until all of the air left your body and his eyes were wet with tears.

“Where were you?!! I opened my eyes and you weren’t there, where were you y/n, why weren’t you there?!!” He was scared and the sound of his voice was alarming you.

This was everything you did not want to happen.

“Billy, oh my god, I am so so sorry! Sssshhh! Sssshhhh!! I’m right here, love. I’m here! It’s ok, it’s ok. Look at me, I’m here.”

You cupped his face in your hands, it was hard for him to focus on you, maybe because he was still half asleep but slowly he started to calm down.

“Deep breaths with me—come on. Deep breaths, inhale…and exhale. Sssshhh—that’s it, you’re ok.”

There were tiny beads of sweat on his brow and his anxiety started to subside a little. It was at that moment, all you could think about was your broken promise. He asked you for one thing, to wake him up any time you had to get out of bed and you failed to do that for him.

“You’re still here—you didn’t leave.”

A tear fell down your cheek and you gently brushed it away before he could see as you held him in your arms, trying to steady your voice.

“I’m still here, baby—of course I’m still here, I would never leave. I just needed a glass of water.”

To try and comfort him, you raked your fingers through his wild black hair—it was all over the place like spilled ink.

“You were sleeping so soundly, I—I thought I could get up and come back and you’d never know I was gone. I’m sorry Billy, I’m sorry.”

The air in the room felt heavy and thick with the guilt that surrounded you and maybe you could have talked him through the nightmare if you had been there but maybe he would have had the same reaction. Either way, it didn’t change the fact that you broke your promise to him and you were going to have a hard time forgiving yourself for it.

You tried to pull away so you could get Billy some water and clean up a little but his grip made you feel like your whole body was in a vice and he refused to let you go.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

Immediately, Billy started rattling off things he could remember.

“It—it was completely dark except for a faded yellow light in the distance in front of me. I—I could hear your voice calling out to me for help but I couldn’t see you and it didn’t matter how close I got to the light, I still couldn’t find you.”

The two of you moved from the floor to the couch while he was still explaining his dream.

“A-and then the light started to disappear, I—I could still hear you but your voice was fading too until I was left completely in the dark without even your voice to guide me. I was desperate to find you—I was alone and no matter how far I walked, I couldn’t find you to help you—you were lost to me forever.”

His skin felt a little cooler to the touch, a sign that he was recovering from his nightmare and your pulse was settling also but also you couldn’t help but silently weep while holding onto him.

As you choked back your tears, in a hushed tone you apologized profusely.

“Billy, I’m SO sorry—you’re not alone, I’m right here, you’re not going to lose me. I’m sorry I broke the promise I made to you and I wouldn’t blame you if you told me you wanted me to leave and--.”

It’s like those words instantly brought Billy back to you, he forgot all about his nightmare and with a surprised look on his face said “Leave? Why? No, no love, I would never ask you to leave.”

Now you were mad at the fact that he wasn’t more upset with you.

“I let you down, I should have been there and I wasn’t. You should be furious with me!”

This was supposed to be about you comforting him but the tables have turned and he was now trying to make you feel better.

“Hey, listen to me—this was NOT your fault. It probably would have happened anyway, I had a stressful day and stress makes--.” He stopped to take a deep breath. “Stress makes them, the nightmares…” his voiced hitched “a lot worse.”

Billy sat all the way back against the couch and pulled you into his lap to face him and you had one leg on either side of his hips. Your body language was closed off, arms crossed and you sat back a little on your heels so your bodies had a large space between them, you were looking down and off to the side—feeling ashamed.

“Darlin’, look at me please…please?”

You turned your head and looked up to catch his beautiful dark brown eyes focused on you and slowly unfolded your arms from your chest to rest your hands on his shoulders.

“I know I’ve told you before but I’m going to tell you again that my nightmares have been less frequent and less severe because of you, even when you’re not here.”

You were still upset with yourself though, you don’t break promises to people, especially to people you care so much about.

“I’m supposed to be comforting you, ya know.” You said tearfully.

He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulled you closer to him, and touched his forehead to yours.

“It could have been a lot worse if you weren’t here, beautiful. A lot worse.” He stated as he pulled away slightly to kiss your forehead.

“Billy, can you at least be a little mad at me? Tell me not to do it again? Something?!!”

He just looked at you intently with a smile on his face.

“It’s ok baby, really.”

He was not supposed to be this calm and you gave him a look of frustration.

“Jesus, Billy! Tell me I’m a terrible person for breaking my promise, please just tell me!”

He raised his voice a little.

“You’re not a terrible person—I’m—“

You interrupted him. “Yes, I am! I feel awful!!”

His voice was getting louder as he was trying to talk over you.

”—Well, I’m trying to tell you something! Can I just—?”

You pressed your lips together in a straight line and you were so flustered you weren’t even really listening to him because now YOU were trying to talk over HIM.

“I broke a promise to you Billy, so why are you not telling me to leave right now?!”

Exasperated, he looked up at the ceiling and back down to meet your gaze, then just let it all out. “BECAUSE I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU!!!”

Your heart jumped from your chest into your throat and it felt like there were a million butterflies in your stomach. Your body was shaking even though you weren’t cold—that was the first time Billy had ever said the words out loud.

“What did you just say to me?”

He let out a little chuckle as he said “I said…I love you, y/n. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while and after what you did for me tonight, I just needed to say it…out loud.”

You wiped the tears from your eyes while you listened to him, still feeling guilty for not being there for him.

“You’ve helped me open up in a way that I never thought I would ever do with anyone—you know I’m not vocal, it’s difficult to say things out loud and you’ve helped me, ya know, be better…about that kind of stuff—I want to thank you for that.”

You were still trying to process what Billy had said to you. He doesn’t express the way he feels through words usually but this time he poured out his feelings like blood from an open wound. He’s never given you any details about his nightmares before tonight.

“Billy, you’ve never told me about what happens in your dreams before.” He gave you a look like he surprised himself on how willing he was to talk about it.

“Well, I may not be ready to talk about all of them…”

You gave him a little smile “Whatever you’re ok with telling me, I’ll be here to listen.”

“Thank you, love. And if it makes you feel better if I give you a talking to then fine…Ahem. Can you please wake me up before you get out of bed for any reason?”

His voice was very monotone, almost mocking you to show you how ridiculous it was for him to be mad at you.

“Any reason at all, I don’t care if you think you’re going to be really quick or not, PLEASE wake me up. We don’t need a repeat of tonight. Blah blah blah. There…you happy now?”

Biting back a sly smile, you shied away from him a little, and said “I love you too Billy, so much.”

You lightly touched his lips with your thumb and he kissed it. Billy was far from perfect but you didn’t need him to be perfect, you needed effort from him and he needed the same from you too, that was how your relationship would grow and become stronger.

Your big, tough marine never let anyone see his vulnerable side, he never wanted to appear weak in any way but he let you in, not all the way but you were the one to crack his tough exterior and maybe one day, he’d let you all the way in.

He kissed the top of your hand, inched forward to kiss you while you cupped his face with both hands. A shiver went down your spine as his kiss deepened, he touched his tongue with yours and heat rose to your cheeks. The man had the ability to make you blush every time he touched you and Billy’s kisses made your whole body flutter, it felt like the first kiss every time.

“And yes, that makes me feel better so let me just pick up a little bit and we can go back to sleep.”

He caught you off guard and swept you off your feet “Well…what if we do something else instead?”

As he carried you towards the bedroom, you asked “Like what, my love?”

He kissed you again “I think…maybe I’ll finish kissing every square inch of your body.”

As Billy lowered you onto the bed, you purred in his ear “Well I think you’d better take your time Mr. Russo, you wouldn’t want to miss a spot, now would you?”

As he hovered over you, he smiled his signature Billy Russo smile and whispered back “Maybe I’ll just go over everything twice, how does that sound, sweet girl?”

He didn’t give you a chance to answer as his lips crashed against yours. As you kissed him back, you wished with all your heart you were helping to wash away any remnants of a nightmare, even if it was just for one night.

Tag List: @mindidjarin @saintmurd0ck

If you’d like to be added to (or removed from) my tag list for the ever so handsome Billy Russo just let me know 💕

[keanureevesisbae]

Summary: Henry finally is going on a date with the girl of his dreams, but there is one thing he has to get used to and that is her celiac disease.

Henry Cavill x unnamed ofc (but who are we kidding, it's about me lol)

Wordcount: 854

Warnings: None

A/N: I have celiac disease and the symptoms the unnamed ofc experiences are the symptoms I experience. I know it can be different for everyone, but this is just how I experience it. Also, I do not have a gluten detection dog (though I'd love one), so what I've written about that is solely what I learned through Instagram.

When Henry first started dating her, it took him a while before he realized she never ever wanted to eat somewhere. It was always a orange banana smoothie, a cappuccino where she would leave the complimentary cookie to the side or give it to him, or some mint tea.

Their dates had been amazing and he so desperately wanted to prolong their time together, however she never wanted to eat anywhere. 

Finally he asked her about it. 

Why can’t we have dinner somewhere?

And she let him in on the matter by saying: ‘I’ve got celiac disease.’

A few hours consulting doctor Google, enlightened him further on the matter and he realized she didn’t want to risk the aftermath of accidentally consuming some gluten. That’s why she opted for kisses on the cheek at the end of their dates, when he did eat the cookie. That’s why she had this way of flicking her hand as she took something off the shelves, checking the ingredients. He thought she was just watching her food for a diet or something, when in reality she’d been checking it for ingredients that would make her sick.

Finally, they kissed, after he ate a gluten-free dinner with her, a dinner they prepared together and he fell even more in love with her than he already did. Sure, it took some adapting, but for her, he did it in a heartbeat and with love. When he was with his friends, he consumed all the gluten he wanted, but with her, he just ate what she made for herself, therefore also for him and they did not have to worry about gluten consumption.

He took her to game night with his friends, where they’d watch rugby and have beer and chips. She politely declined, though Henry wasn’t exactly sure if it was because it looked highly unappetizing or if she really couldn’t eat it. She let him in on the little secret she sometimes fakes she can’t have it, solely because she doesn’t want to eat it, but also doesn’t want to say those exact words.

Either way, he understood. 

Like he would usually do during game night, he wanted to grab a beer, but after a quick check—a habit he had picked up from her—he realized he couldn’t have it.

But she was quick to notice his disappointment. ‘You can have the beer,’ she said. ‘I know you want to, baby. It’s okay.’

He however placed it back and said: ‘Nah, I want to kiss my girlfriend whenever I want.’

It became a regular thing. Him declining offers whenever he was with her, him ordering gluten-free when they dared going out for dinner, so he could eventually exchange it with her if she did not like her order.

However, it went wrong and he hated seeing her like that. Curled up on the couch with a hot bottle against her bloated stomach, her pale face with deep dark circles underneath her eyes and the fact the restroom became her second home. Witnessing her own body having a immune response like that, solely because of accidental gluten consumption, it broke his heart. When she finally was semi back on her feet again, he could see the aftermath for weeks. Her intense fatigue, her ruined appetite and the shift in her mood. 

Naturally, because Henry likes to think pragmatically, he started to look for something he saw online recently.

A gluten detection dog. 

After quite some digging, he finally found a trainer who trained dogs to become gluten detection dogs and arranged multiple meetings.

‘Where are we going?’ she asked him curiously, as they continued the drive to the barn. ‘I don’t think we’ve ever been here.’

‘It’s a surprise, love,’ he said. ‘I am sure you would like it.’

When they got out and saw the dog he had in mind already waiting for them. Her eyes lit up. ‘Oh my goodness, a dog?’

‘Not just a dog,’ he said.

The trainer appeared and together with the dog walked up to them with a smile. ‘No ma’am, it’s a gluten detection dog.’

She was absolutely stunned. She had heard about gluten detection dogs before, however never thought about getting one. For starters, it was too expensive and she thought relying on herself was good enough. 

But the gluten free world is changing. Oats are considered gluten free now. When the gluten is pulled from the wheat, it’s considered gluten-free. And that is hard for her, because it’s not gluten free for her.

While the dog is not one hundred percent right, he can help her out. 

Many tears are shed and she wraps her arms around the dog. ‘We’re going to be the best of friends,’ she says to the canine. ‘What’s their name.’

‘Her name is Ella,’ the trainer said. ‘Come on in, I’ll tell you more about Ella and the gluten detection dog protocol.’

Seeing the hearts appear in her eyes, Henry started to chuckle, realizing he probably is the only one who is going to listen. But that’s alright. 

She’ll get the gist of it eventually.

♧ ♧ ♧

Taglist:@diegos-butt // @cherry-gemz // @crazybutconfidentaf // @sillyrabbit81 // @thelastsock // @enchantedbytomandhenry // @lyrarodriguez // @islacharlotte // @summersong69 // @sunshine96love // @oddsnendsfanfics // @gearhead66 // @xobriellaxo24 // @xuxszx // @liecastillo // @sofiebstar // @eldarwen333 // @omgkatinka // @abschaffer2 // @pterodactylterrace // @kebabgirl67 //

[floralseokjin]

PBN drabble; A surprise

warnings; smidgen of angst, fluff!!  word count; 1.6k

author’s note; i know i’ve missed a lot of the in between, and i will try to catch up on those drabbles at a later date, but the need to write this was too much. it’s been an idea of mine for ages, finally had to share!! please enjoy the surprise 😘

5:15. 

Yoongi would be home any minute now. Your gut turned, a new kind of sick twisting your insides. For the past four days you’d felt awful. Throwing up a handful of times too. Yoongi was hellbent it was the steak you’d eaten on the weekend. You weren’t so sure. The restaurant you’d had it from was your favourite. You always ate there. 

No. This was a different kind of sick. You’d had food poisoning before, it was horrific. It wasn’t stomach flu either. Yoongi was fine, so it wasn’t catching. This was different. More of a constant nausea. It reminded you of carsickness. You used to suffer with that a lot when you were kid. 

You hadn’t thought much of it at first, maybe you were just tired or something, under the weather, but then Seulgi and her logic had suggested something yesterday afternoon. Maybe you were pregnant. Of course she’s been joking around, but you couldn’t shake it. What if you were?

You’d stopped taking the pill two months ago, wanting to try another form of contraception after giving your body a few months break. You’d been told your periods could be irregular to start off with, so while the first had come on time, you hadn’t thought much of the second one being late. Some of the signs had been there. Bloating, painful boobs, tiredness... just no actual period. A quick google search told you they were also early signs of pregnancy. Impossible. Surely? You’d been using a condom every single time. Although maybe they weren’t the most effective. What if one had split without you both realising? 

This morning Yoongi had already left for work by the time you’d woken up, still feeling rough. Your heart had sunk. There was only one thing left to do. Just to put your mind at ease. You needed to take a pregnancy test. Calling out of work (for the third day in a row), you’d gotten showered quickly, making the short walk to the drugstore in record time. You were being stupid, you kept telling yourself. You repeated it over and over again as you walked home. Over and over again as you rushed to the bathroom and peed on the stupid stick. There was no way you were pregnant. There couldn’t be. 

Could there? 

Waiting those three minutes for the results were the most nerve-racking (and longest) of your life, but nothing could prepare you once you saw those two pink lines. It was like your world had stopped. This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. You immediately threw up. Whether it be from actual morning sickness, shock or panic. All three probably. 

You weren’t ready to have a baby, surely? Yes, you and Yoongi spoke about it from time to time, but it was mostly done in jest. You loved one another but that didn’t mean you were all set to have a baby. You’d been together 4 years, living together for just over one. What would he say? What would you even tell him?! 

You spent the rest of the day numb. Curled up on the sofa, the television playing to itself. You wanted to call your mom, you wanted to tell Seulgi, but you knew Yoongi should be the first to know. So alone, your thoughts orbited around all your anxieties. 

Hearing his keys in the front door, a fresh wave of nausea turned your gut. You heard him in the entry way, kicking his shoes off, his keys landing in the bowl on the little side table you’d both picked out. You’d made a home for yourselves so easily, the thought comforted you for a quick second, but then you saw his face come into view, stood in the doorway. 

“Hey,” he greeted softly, a puzzled look on his face. “I thought you were at work.” 

“I called out.” Your voice was hoarse, you hadn’t used it in a few hours. 

As you cleared your throat, Yoongi’s frown deepened. “Are you still feeling sick?” He rushed over, taking a seat next to you, an arm wrapping around your shoulders. 

You leaned your head against him, letting your eyes flutter closed. Comforted by his warmth, his smell. Maybe this whole thing wasn’t so bad. You were in this with the man you trusted most in this world. The man you loved so fricking much. He loved you too. Always had. 

“It was that steak from Bruno’s, I’m telling you.” He was adamant, stroking a hand through your hair, fingers combing through the tangles. You’d been so out of it today you hadn’t even brushed it. “We should call them up, get our money back.” 

You pressed your face into his warmth, taking one last moment for yourself before you moved, left him, creating a distance between your bodies. “It wasn’t the steak.” 

You could hear the concern in his voice when he said your name. “What’s wrong?”

You shoved a hand in your hoody pocket, fist clenching around a stick of plastic, psyching yourself up. Beside you, Yoongi rubbed your back, getting more and more worried. He chuckled awkwardly. “Come on, babe, you’re scaring me.” 

You didn’t want to scare him. You found your voice, removing the test from your pocket as you spoke. “I’m feeling sick because I’m pregnant.” 

Saying the words out loud for the first time felt weird. Yoongi stiffened up beside you, eyes wide as he stared at the test in your hand. Hesitantly he took it from you, bringing it closer. You didn’t miss the way his fingers trembled. 

“What are we going to do, Yoongi?” Your voice was a whisper. “I don’t understand how it happened. We always use protection.” 

You didn’t think he heard you, still staring at the stick. “You’re pregnant?” You nodded as he finally tore his eyes away and looked at you. You watched the beginnings of smile twitch at his mouth. “We’re going to have a baby?” 

For a moment your chest felt lighter. “If you want to,” you heard yourself say. 

This time he broke out into gummy grin. Despite still looking and sounding dazed, he seemed...happy? Excited? “Of course I want to!” He exclaimed, in his own little world as he stared at the test again. 

He was holding it in both hands now, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. “You’re pregnant,” he pretty much awed. Your heart swelled. After feeling heavy all day it was  a very much welcomed improvement. 

“Wait–” He turned his head, suddenly realising something. “Do you want to?” Your earlier behaviour had only just dawned on him, now his forehead creased with fresh concern. 

“I’m in shock.” You answered honestly. “We didn’t plan for it. I thought maybe you’d...” You petered out. Why had you been so worried to tell him again? Taking his arm, you smiled. It felt like a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. “I want to too.” 

Suddenly you found yourself embraced in his warmth, a bear hug of sorts, Yoongi’s arms squeezing you tight. You felt his lips at your crown and closed your eyes, gripping his sweatshirt, safe and sound. 

“Shit. We’re having a baby?!” He laughed in amazement, over your shoulder. He was still clutching the test. 

“I’m fairly certain.” You chuckled, a hand rooting around inside your hoody again. “I took three tests.” In a bid to be sure, you’d driven to a drugstore ten minutes away. All three had given you the same result. You were definitely pregnant. 

Yoongi broke away, laughing at what he’d just heard, eager to see the evidence. He held them all, gazing at each line and cross and even the word ‘pregnant’ in small black font. “Fuck. How did you piss so much?” 

The laughter bubbled from your throat. Of course it did. He had that ability. No matter the situation he could always get you laughing. You were even more thankful in this moment. 

“Anxiety.” (Although, you had read it was an early symptom of pregnancy too – peeing a lot.) 

Despite your laughter, a couple of tears trickled down your cheeks. Yoongi caught them immediately. “Hey, don’t cry,” he murmured, dropping the tests in his lap to reach for your face and kiss them away. 

“They’re not sad tears,” you reassured. You hadn’t cried all day but seeing Yoongi so happy was what got you in the end. 

His eyes were still filled with concern though, pushing the hair out of your face, searching for something in your eyes.. “Were you worried about telling me?” 

“I don’t know why,” you confirmed. It seemed silly now. All your worries seemed pointless. Why had you been so scared at the prospect of raising a child? Of course you could do it. Especially with Yoongi at your side. 

Yoongi understood you. He rubbed your upper back. “I know it’s a shock but it’s not the end of the world.” You smiled thankfully, letting his words soothe you. “In fact, you could say it’s the beginning of the world.” His happy little grin got you, giggling at his lame ass line. 

He leaned in, rubbing his nose with yours. “Our world.” You cupped his face as he pressed a kiss to your mouth, letting your eyes close briefly before he pulled away. “I love you,” he sang softly. 

His eyes were twinkling, the happiness he felt obvious. “I love you too,” you sang right back. 

Chuckling under his breath he was still amazed. “We made a baby.” 

Running your fingers through his dark hair, you grinned and confirmed. “We made a baby.”

[the-witches-you-couldnt-burn]

Should have known better

Prompt: when ur reading fanfic and one character was cooking and the other comes up to them and they start making out and everyones like starting to take their shirts off and the author STILL hasnt mentioned anyone turning off the stove

My first attempt at Dickinette. I hope I did it justice!

Here’s my favourite ratatouille recipe! It’s amazing!

Ao3

—————————

Warnings: mild sexual content & mentions of gun violence, gangs, bullet wounds, fire hazards and unplanned pregnancy

The keys jangled as he took them out of his pocket, the lock clicked open and the old apartment door creaked. He took two steps into the hall, dropping his bag with a thud and closed the door behind him. Running a hand through his long, sweat slicked hair he sighed. Today had been a long day.

A deep inhale inflated his chest, but the black police vest he wore restricted it’s full extension. The smell of a wonderful home cooked meal made his stomach growl. Ratatouille, his favourite.

His heavy boot laden feet created echoing footsteps as he walked into the grey tiled kitchen. His wife stood at the stove humming, the google pad’s screen was lit with the ingredients list. She scooped and flipped the squared vegetable mix before putting the lid upon it for the meal to soften. She turned to her sketchpad, inspired by something unknown. Drawing captured her full attention, her brain’s need to replicate the idea on paper outweighed her focus on her surroundings.

He should have known better. He grew up with vigilantes and superheroes. He should have know never to sneak up on someone, especially if they knew how to fight; although this rule doesn’t count for villains (they know what they did).

For Marinette, it had been a long day of ripped seems and designer’s block.. It was nearing on eight when she finally started dinner. Looking at the clock she sighed, ‘Dick’s working late again.’ She hoped he wasn’t caught up in the shooting across town. Two gangs had a disagreement over territory and many civilians got caught up in it. She wanted to help but she had been banned from heroine duties for the time being. Her last ladybug adventure resulted in a bullet to her leg, which was still healing.

Dick took her to the hospital stating she had gotten caught in the crossfire (which now reminds her they need to restock the medical supplies), and they discovered that she was four weeks pregnant.

In present time she was still well within her first trimester, just starting her second month; and she was feeling it too. Vomiting each morning wasn’t fun, more so when it started happening more frequently throughout the day. Their midwife reassured the young couple that it was completely normal, but if it keeps up to come back as it may become hyperemesis gravidarum which will harm the baby.

Baby.

She was still trying to wrap her head around it. She had turned twenty-four last July and Dick was only older by a year. They weren’t planning on this and they had taken all of the precautions to prevent it. Yeah sure, they were married but it hadn’t even been two years! Her worry for the future faded as she reminisced on her husband’s reaction to the discovery. He was shocked for a few seconds before jumping up and down like a toddler who got a toy, beaming with joy. Tears of happiness pricked his eyes, threatening to spill on a moments notice.

Another symptom that weighted upon her was fatigue. She was no longer a teen who could challenge the world with a pen and a cup of coffee. She was a tired, pregnant adult who had to give away her coffee maker due to the temptation being too strong. No more late night or all-nighters designing clothes and completing commissions. She had to lessen her commissions due to the stressful nature of them but working from home, in her own studio helped. It had been a month since she found out and now she just wanted to hibernate due to lack of energy.

Putting down the spatula, she scooped up the pen, suddenly inspired by the mix of colours; an autumn playsuit came to mind. Biting her lip as she drew, neglecting her surroundings, the blare of the news channel becoming white noise.

She should have known better. She was a superhero, albeit she was benched at the moment, but still! The first rule of ‘herodom’ was to always do the right thing, but the second rule was to always be aware of your surroundings.

Arms wrapped around her waist, a small gasps left her mouth and her elbow drove straight back into her captor’s chest. A masculine groan came from behind her, but she paid it no mind as she tried to get out of the man’s strong grip.

“Mari, Mari! Calm down it’s me” Her husband said breathlessly. Her jab winded him, although it was softened by his police uniform, Marinette’s miraculous strength was powerful to say the least. He just wish he didn’t have to be on the receiving end of it.

“Ma moitié! Why would you do that!?” Her anguished cry caused him to hide his chuckle in her neck. Her heartbeat made its presence known within her chest and her breathing was still shallow. Turning within his embrace, she faced him with a pout on her face, “You jerk, you scared me!” She whimpered, her pregnancy hormones had blurred the line between her emotions causing her mood to flip like a switch.

Dick looked down at her with a guilt riddled face. “Shoot Mari, I’m sorr-“

Before he could finish apologising Marinette tugged him down and connected her lips to his. She leaned back into the countertop, cupping his cheek and jaw with both hands. Dick eagerly followed her lead.

He picked her up, his hands moulding the flesh of her thighs. He had done this before, but took extra precautions this time due to her still healing leg injury. He moved her away from the countertop and sat her upon the plush couch. He hovered above her, lips only splitting for a millisecond for air before closing the gap once more.

Marinette pushed on his shoulder and swiftly flipped him so that she was on top. The quick motion caused his head to slam back into the wall, the noise halted their make-out session. Her eyes widened, the cloud of lust had evaporated and rained down on her parade. She apologised multiple times to him, eyes watering in the process.

Dick just laughed before pulling her back in for another kiss. In contrast to the sloppy wet kisses before, the gentleness off Mari’s lips now made him feel like he was made of glass. She filled it with her remorse over hurting him. But as the kiss continued it shifted back to the momentum and passion they had before.

Her hands trailed up his chest, she shivered into the kiss; he had just taken off her shirt, leaving her in her bra. His thumb brushed under the mound of her breast, he felt her furious heartbeat through he skin.

Her focus lowered to his bare neck. Placing kiss upon kiss there and biting occasionally, leaving a trail of pink marks for his colleagues to see during his neck shift. A hand ran down her back as it arced, pushing her bosom into his chest.

They broke apart, foreheads pressed together, bodies flushed against each other’s. She peppered his face with kisses, “I love you”s were stated after each. He returned this action with the same fervour.

Something was wrong though. It was a sudden onset plaguing thought that something wasn't right. They had tried to ignore it but it had become like a tugging string tied around their hearts, signalling an oncoming danger. Wordlessly the two scanned the apartment, neither wanting to part from their entanglement.

Confused the two looked back at the other. Neither finding what set off the warning sensation. As their eyes connected, realisation washed over them like a bucket of ice water. They inhaled the burnt air and scrambled apart; both exclaiming “Fuck!”

Running into the kitchen, the tiles were cold against her bare feet. Dark unventilated smoke hung in the air. Upon entry to the room it was a wall of heat, it was a wonder the smoke alarms hadn’t gone off yet. Dick grabbed a nearby tea towel and swatted at the smoke, he shuffled towards the burners, mouth and nose hidden within his elbow.

Marinette opened all nearby windows, she hoped that the neighbours on the floors above didn’t question the smoke. The couple worked together to set up a system of fans to push out the smoke from the kitchen.

“If Alfred were here he would kill us.” Dick solemnly nodded in reply, ‘we should have known better’. He scraped the burnt black char into the bin, while Mari held the pan. Once the pan cooled down enough it went into the bin too, there was no saving it.

Dick tied up the yellow bin bag and placed the spatula into the sink. “Soooo... want chinese? If you’re up for it, it’ll be my treat.”

Her stomach growled as her eyes flicked to the clock, it was almost nine and she hadn’t eaten since breakfast at seven. She nodded, “sounds good let’s go!”

She walked towards the door, hand on the handle when she realised that he hadn’t followed her. Turning back around she saw him staring at her, cheeks flushed, unmoved from his position next to the bin.

“Um babe?”

“What’s wrong Ma moitié? I thought you wanted Chinese.” Her head tilted, confused at his actions.

He cleared his throat, eyes flicking away. “Babe you’ve forgotten your shirt.”

“Shit” left her lips as she bolted back to the couch, vaulting over a counter much to Dick’s disapproval. She heard him scolding her from the other room, but was too hungry to care.

Walking back to him, now appropriately dressed, she grabbed his hand, pulling him out the door. He just sighed, following his crazy wife, throwing the bag into the complex’s dumpster on the way to the car.

No one was getting in between her and her noodles.

[hashirun]

I'm just so tired, stressed, and anxious right now. My best friend's 5 month old husky Zeke died due to parvo last Wednesday. I know how much she loves him and can only imagine the pain she's feeling. I have grown quite attached to him myself and couldn't believe it when I found out that he died.

She arranged for his cremation in Pet Valley which is located here in Silang, Cavite. She asked me if she could stay here Wednesday evening as she didn't want to be alone on the first night that Zeke is gone. Also it'll be much easier to go to Pet Valley the next day from my place compared to coming all the way from Los Baños. I replied that of course she can stay here. But I've already Googled parvo and I was panicking at the back of my mind because my dog Mochi stays here with me and I learned that the virus is very resilient - it can survive months, even up to a year in the right environment. Most household cleaning products are not enough to kill it. To make things worse it is highly contagious and can easily contaminate objects such as an exposed person's clothes and shoes.

I wanted to support my best friend in whatever way I can, and I didn't want to seem insensitive and callous, so I refrained from asking her to make sure she disinfects before coming over here. Instead I decided to keep Mochi all alone upstairs since Wednesday evening - I avoided approaching him while my best friend was here.

My best friend and I stayed up til 4 in the morning talking about Zeke - the onset of symptoms, his trip to the vet, and his death just two days later. We talked about his life, which was short but well-lived. We cried and laughed and ate cookies and drank coffee and smoked cigarettes in between - it was our small private memorial service in honor of Zeke.

We slept in a different room far away from Mochi. I woke up around 8am to do some chores around the resort and cafe. By 9am my best friend woke up as well, we drank coffee and smoked cigarettes and continued talking about Zeke while she readied herself emotionally to go to Pet Valley. By 10 am her friend got here to give us a ride to Pet Valley. We met up with her boyfriend somewhere near the town center around 1:30 pm. We got to Pet Valley by 2pm, where we paid our last respects during his final viewing before his cremation. When she saw Zeke in his little coffin, wrapped in a white blanket with that serene look on his face, my best friend broke down. Soon I was crying as well, heartbroken for both my best friend and Zeke.

My Thursday didn't end there. We got back around 6pm. I tended the cafe til 10pm and was ready to turn in to bed, exhausted. But then a friend from my previous company messaged me to hang out, and I knew she was going through something so I said sure. She got here past 11 pm and we stayed up smoking and drinking and chatting until 5.30 in the morning.

After she left I made sure to wash myself thoroughly to make sure I wasn't carrying any virus when I finally approached Mochi. But I can't shake the feeling of unease - what if he still somehow gets infected? The virus can stick to shoes, so what if the ground here in our place already got contaminated? How can I ever walk Mochi in peace again with this thought hanging in the air?

Mochi howled when he saw me, I could tell he was upset with the fact that he had to sleep two nights without me. I guiltily apologized while I agonized over his health and well-being. I just can't bear the thought of him dying.

I fell asleep to these thoughts, then was jolted awake barely 3 hrs later by my pending errands for today.

So yeah here I am now, still tired, still stressed, still anxious.

[franklyshipping]

Software Adaptation ~ A Markiplier Ego Fanfic

WOOOOO THIS ONE IS BASED OFF A LOVELY PROMPT FROM THE AWESOME @shadowkittycat97 SO LET’S JUST GET RIGHT INTO SOME ROBO-TICKLES! LET’S DO THIS!

TAGGING: @goog-ler-iplier and @bingy-switch

Google Blue was incredibly concerned. He felt odd. For the past few hours his synthetic body had been experiencing the most strange and spontaneous physiological symptoms. The temperature at his face was above normal, he kept twitching at the slightest noises, his heart-core’s pump pace had been jittery, and he kept getting these strange jolts and chills through his synthetic nervous system! However, he didn’t want to worry his brothers with the notion of him glitching out, so instead, Blue called Bing in to try and help him figure out what was wrong.

‘I have run every kind of diagnostic, checked every relay, every artificial neurone, but there is apparently nothing physically wrong with my systems! And yet I keep-ack!’

Bing raised a curious eyebrow when Blue’s form twitched, his neck particularly scrunching as a bloom of turquoise came to his cheeks. Immediately for Bing, he wasn’t thinking about technicalities or any kind of nerdy solution....he was thinking it was something emotional. But Bing knew he needed more information if he was going to come to proper rad-ass conclusion for his robo-buddy! Bing set his skateboard aside, before taking off his sunglasses, showing that he really meant business as he put his hand on Blue’s shoulder reassuring.

‘Blue, my man, don’t worry okay? We’re gonna get to the bottom of this whole weird lil shenanigan! Tell me, when did this all first start?’

Blue took a breath, later he would certainly laugh at the fact that he’d come to Bing for a sense of rationality. Blue focused on Bing’s question now though, thinking back, before replying as the memories came to him.

‘Well, the day had started off like any other. I had woken up alongside Wilford, he of course tried to coerce me into staying in bed all day with him, but I managed to resist....’

Bing grinned fondly when he saw the fond smile on Blue’s face, him and Wilford as a couple was something everyone thought was so precious.

‘Anyway, just as I was making him a drink to help wake him up, he came up behind me and started to whine, which I must admit I found incredibly endearing. However, when I told him I was still adamant about not staying in bed with him, he decided to then threaten to tickle me in front of everyone until I agreed. Such a silly threat, he was far too tired to do such a thing, and I ended up tickling him awake actually-AGH!’

Blue suddenly twitched again, his whole neck scrunching as he let out an annoyed huff.

‘But then immediately after that, the twitches started! Bing, please tell me you perhaps have an idea of what’s going on?’

Bing was having to bite his lip to keep back a bright grin, because he knew precisely what was going on here, and it was fucking adorable. As soon as Wilford had planted the idea of being tickled in Blue’s mind, it would have been dormant in there, Blue’s ler mood taking precedence....right up until he stopped his own tickling. Now, the need to be tickled for Blue was overtaking him. Bing cleared his throat lightly as he rubbed the back of his neck, deciding to play around with Blue a little and letting out a “nervous” hiss.

‘Oof....well ah, the good news is that I definitely know what’s going on here. I just don’t think you’re gonna be happy about it....’

‘What do you mean? Bing, what’s wrong with me?’

Blue asked imploringly, and Bing decided he couldn’t be too mean to Blue, because he could see him starting to get nervous. Blue cocked his head at Bing confusedly as Bing suddenly broke out into a grin and came up to him, before poking him in the cheek and replying jovially.

‘You, Mr Blueberry Blush, are in a damn fierce lee mood!’

Blue blinked. He was so shocked that he didn’t even bat Bing’s hand away from his face. A lee mood? Him? In a lee mood? Surely not?! Suddenly, Blue felt himself become overcome by embarrassment. He didn’t want it to be true, but as he thought about what he’d told Bing, suddenly it all just made sense. Blue groaned and rubbed the bridge of his nose, bowing his head as he muttered under his breath.

‘Oh no....’

‘Awww you don’t need to feel all bummed! Lee moods are fun, and besides, it’s not like you haven’t liked being tickled before!’

Blue’s eyes snapped to Bing’s and he sent him a glare that very much said “Shut up or you will regret it”. Bing didn’t find him remotely intimidating though, knowing he was in a lee mood and seeing him spontaneously scrunch and blush just made Blue SO damn adorable right now. Blue grumbled as he buried his face in his hands, growling as he felt more tingles run up his neck, making him twitch.

‘This is terrible, how am I meant to function like this?!’

‘....huh, I’d have thought that was obvious my dude.’

Blue looked at Bing curiously, but then felt his stomach start to flutter and churn when Bing’s grin turned playful, and he raised a teasy eyebrow at him.

‘C’mon....you know the one thing that helps a lee mood.’

‘B-Bing don’t you dare!’                                    

Blue cursed his sudden stutter as he started backing away from Bing, feeling more and more chills passing under his synthetic skin as he started to tremble. Bing snorted out an amused laugh, before muttering under his breath, because he couldn’t help but be childish and goofy amidst all of this. It was just way too fun to play around with Blue.

‘Androidswhowannabetickledsaywhat.’

‘What-WAIT BING I DIDN’T MEAN TO SAY THA-AHH!’

‘TOO LATE!’

Bing crowed as he launched himself at Blue, tackling him to the ground whilst simultaneously grabbing his forearms, whilst Blue was wide eyed and embarrassed beyond belief! Bing pinned Blue’s arms beneath his knees, before teasingly wiggling his fingers down at the struggling android.

‘Here they coooome!’

Blue’s cheeks literally started glowing turquoise as Bing’s wiggling fingers got nearer and nearer, until they were fluttering and scratching up and down the sides of his neck. Blue was a mess of spluttery giggles in literal milliseconds.

‘Nononohoho B-Bihihing nohoho dohohon’t!’

‘Awww c’mon now man, we both know this is what ya waaant!’

Bing snickered fondly as Blue tossed his head about, trying to grit his teeth, but his giggles were stronger than any defence he could mount. Blue usually was able to hold back his mirth even a little bit, so he was almost in shock at the fact that he’d broken so easily! He wouldn’t admit it aloud....but he knew Bing was right. His lee mood, his secret wanting for the tickling, was what was coaxing him to succumb to it so easily.

‘Shuhuhut uhuhup shuhut uhuhuhup!’

Blue exclaimed, making Bing giggle as his blunt nails scratched right where Blue’s neck met his collar.

‘Well at least you’re not denying it now, that’s progress!’

Blue snorted as he squeezed his eyes shut, scrunching up out of instinct as Bing tickled him incessantly. Bing’s burnt orange eyes gleamed with joy at seeing Blue so freely laughing like this, it was too much of a rarity in Bing’s opinion. Seeing Blue’s stoicism just melt away, and to see him so embarrassed too, was just glorious.

‘Ihihi’m gohohoing to gehehet yohou for thihihis!’

Bing snorted, raising an amused eyebrow down at Blue as he replied amusedly.

‘Yeheah? Come on then, come and get me!’

Blue’s eyes widened in surprise when Bing lifted his knees and released his arms....but then Blue ended up throwing his head back and hiding his face in his hands when Bing’s hands dug into his sensitive stomach. Bing smirked as Blue howled with laughter, his hair becoming more and more mussed up as he adamantly kept his face hidden....and didn’t fight back once.

‘BIHIHIHIHING NOHOHOHO!’

‘What? If you really don’t like it, then just stop me. We both know you’re stronger than me....so go ahead.’

Blue peeked through his fingers long enough to see Bing wink down at him, before he resumed his hiding as he became fully consumed by his embarrassed laughter. It wasn’t that he couldn’t stop Bing....it’s just that he truthfully didn’t want to.

‘IHIHI HAHAHATE YOHOHOU!’

Bing laughed again, loving that all Blue could think to do was throw out the weakest insults ever!

‘Really? Cuz ya look pretty happy and blushy for someone who’s apparently hateful my dude.’

Bing kneaded the muscles that Blue had in abundance at his stomach relishing in how Blue arched his back and writhed side to side as he started gripping his own hair. Honestly, Bing was damn impressed by how Blue wasn’t fighting back at all; if it was Bing he’d be batting at his assailant like his life depended on it! Make no mistake though, Blue felt like all the neurones inside his hardware that kept him sane were about to combust.

‘DOHOHON’T SAHAHAY THAHAHAT!!’

‘Don’t say what? That you’re happy and blushy?’

‘YEHEHEHES!!’

‘But it’s the trut-’

‘SHUHUT IHIHIT!!’

Bing laughed at Blue’s insistent exclamation, which came out very nearly like a squawk from the sensitive android. Bing vibrated his thumbs into Blue’s lower stomach as he retorted teasingly.

‘Someone’s getting a lil sassy, do I have to tickle the sass outta you Bluey?’

Blue cackled as he clenched his fists, feeling so embarrassed....but the thing about Blue was that he wasn’t just going to become all submissive to the tickling and teasing. He’s what we in the tickling business call....a brat. As a result, in response to Bing’s teasy question, Blue flipped him off. With both his middle fingers.

‘AHAHAS IHIF YOU COHOHOULD!!’

Bing gawked, topping the tickling at Blue’s stomach out of amazed surprise. Bing then realised....Blue didn’t just want to be tickled, oh no, he wanted to be utterly tickle tortured. Blue panted as he started to smirk up at Bing, smug at having made him stop....but then Blue genuinely thought he felt the synthetic blood in his veins run cold. Bing’s eyes had started to glow an intimidating copper, and hed started to sneer. He actually looked....scary. Then, Blue felt like he didn’t know how to breathe when Bing re-pinned his arms beneath his knees, and growled at him.

‘Oh I can....and you’re going to feel every little bit of it.’

Blue’s eyes widened as Bing’s thumbs found his hipbones....and he screamed. He fucked up. He fucked up bad. He’d forgotten that apart from his brothers, Bing knew him the best. His spine aside, his hips were his most diabolical weak spot, and there was nothing Blue could do to stop Bing torturing them to tickly smithereens.

‘AAAHHHNONOHAHAHAAAA!!!’

‘Ohhh listen to those ticklish screams. Google Blue. So stoic and smart and cool and strong....but look at you now. Going insane with laughter because you can’t handle the littlest massage at your ticklish hips, whilst at the same time just loving every second because you’re too much of a lee to think about anything else.’

Bing’s teasing was in a low tone, and it was so coo-like that it made Blue feel like there were flustered chills passing through his entire system. And you know why Blue was so affected by this teasing? Because every single taunting word of it was true, and there was nothing Blue could do to deny it or hide from it. He was exposed, vulnerable to tickle torture and teasing beyond measure....and he adored it.

‘NAHAHAAAHHH PLEHEHEHEEEEE!!!’

Bing didn’t heed Blue’s begging right away, he didn’t heed it for a while actually. He just tickled and tickled and tickled, enjoying watching Blue’s smile overwhelm his face as tears trickled down his glowing cheeks. Tickling someone who usually never cracks a smile brings a certain amount of satisfaction, but knowing that person is enjoying it too just adds an extra layer of enjoyment for the tickler. It certainly did for Bing. He couldn’t have imagined having a better day. His thumbs just rubbed deep, incessant circles into Blue’s hipbones for minute after minute, whilst Bing just teased and teased and teased.

‘Look at you, taking all these tickles like a champ! Does it feel good? Me torturing you? Making you cry those happy tears down that blushy face and making you feel weaker and weaker?’

Blue had his head thrown back because of his mirth, and at this point, Bing now started to hear sporadic clicks and whirrs emanating from Blue’s throat amidst his hysterics. Bing smiled fondly, because now they’d reached the point where Blue was at his adorable limit.

‘PLEHE-E-E-EHEEE-A-A-HAHAHAAA!!!’

Bing chuckled fondly, and carefully stopped his tickling. Blue didn’t register the mercy for probably about thirty seconds, because he’d just been so engulfed by the tickling that he’d thought it would never end! But now it had, and he was exhausted. The good kind of exhausted though. The kind you feel when you’ve done the chores and work you wanted to do, whilst managing to sneak a nice walk in too. The content kind of tired that we all love to feel. Bing slipped off of Blue as he grinned at him, and Blue lazily smiled back as he muttered quietly.

‘Ihi-....Ihi feheel like I cahan’t move....’

Bing giggled as he looked at him, because indeed Blue was completely limp. Bing knew he was okay physically though, his scans would have detected otherwise. He grinned playfully at Blue as he replied.

‘Well at least you’re not twitching anymore, amirite?’

Blue let out a tired snort laugh as he buried his face in his hands, letting out a low groan. Then though, he watched curiously as Bing stood up and started heading towards the door....but then, Blue gawked when Bing turned to him and smirked.

‘So....you wanna tell Wilford about your mood, or shall I?’

Needless to say, as Bing darted from the room Blue suddenly found that he actually could move, and indeed very quickly. Tickling truly is a wonder, because it’s something that can exhaust, invigorate, and also relax you all at the same time sometimes. It can make the most stoic crumble, the quietest people loud, and the most energetic people meek....but I think we can all agree, that it makes everybody happy.

WOOOOO HOPE YOU ALL LIKE THIS FIC LEMME KNOW IF YA DO WOOOO LUV YOUS XX

[alfredosauce50]

What makes me human [Cyberpunk! America x reader] 12

Wordcount: 3, 719 Rating: M for strong language and mature themes Warning: Implications of a panic attack and other sensitive/shocking content ahead. "See? I don't even have any goddamn organs! And I'm still alive!" "But hey, I get it. Maybe this isn't even my body. If it was, I wouldn't be alive. Maybe I'm a clone or something. A robot clone. Do you think they still kept my old body as a souvenir?" Chapter synopsis: Alfred is dying from something unknown, and the weaker his body gets, the faster his sanity wanes. You can't do anything but ease his pain as he slowly deteriorates. Fortunately, a deus ex machina arrives to save the day. The reader is referred to as she/her

Songs to listen to while you read (in order as found in playlist): VIRUS, Devil’s At Your Door, Glassy sky, Within. I have indented song titles throughout the chapter so you can change accordingly. Starting now:

VIRUS

12 - Like tears in rain

When Alfred left to do his business, you traced a finger over your leg and continued to look towards the bathroom. He was going to reappear any second now. That was what you told yourself as you waited, impatiently, but it never happened. Instead, you heard a loud slam and your heart jumped out of your chest.

It was the sound of glass. 

“... Alfred?” You called out, tone uncertain. Sliding yourself off the bed a few moments later, you walked to the door with a fearful kind of urgency. Without wasting another second, you knocked a few times. “Are you okay in there? I heard something. What happened?” He didn’t answer. There was only shuffling of feet--the rough scraping of the sole of a sandal against the tiled floor. 

It was almost as if he was struggling to stand. 

“Alfred, open the door!” You rose your voice in a distressed shout. Pounding your fists against the door, your pleads fell on deaf ears as he never made an effort to respond.

That alarmed you beyond compare and you resorted to thrusting your elbows against the cold and hard metal surface. “Alfred—” Your voice broke as his name fell from your lips. Bile never rose this quickly in your throat. 

When the door did open, you stared wide-eyed at the man through a flurry of tears. He was so confused, disoriented even, but he was safe and sound.

But when he saw the way you looked at him, crying, his face twisted with regret. “Fuck, (F/N)!” He breathed, catching you in his arms when you launched yourself at him. 

“I’m sorry for scaring you, but I’m okay—I promise. See? Now please don’t cry anymore.” Pulling away to offer a smile of reassurance, it faltered when you shook your head profusely with bitter despondency. 

“I’m not stupid. I know what I heard.” A dark glare only lasted so long when your expression quickly morphed into despair. “Please just tell me what’s wrong.” Reaching out to grip onto the sleeves of his shirt, you clung onto him desperately, almost as if he’d disappear if you didn’t. Little did you know, it wasn’t far from the truth. 

As if Alfred already knew this, he hung his head with a tired grin. 

“To be honest, I don’t know any more about this than you do.” He shook his head, defeated. “My best guess is that I’m having particularly shitty side effects with this... Immortality thing. But that’s it. I can’t die. So I’ll be okay.” 

He didn’t pay much attention to the signs he’d been seeing for the past few days. At first, he only experienced a little bit of lagging in his interface, like whenever he’d use his trusty in-built Google maps. This minor issue escalated into occasional forgetfulness, and even then, he brushed it off. But now, this mutated into something alarming.

Finding yourself in his arms again, you squeezed him in a tight embrace and screwed your eyes shut.

“That means this won’t be forever... Right?"

You wanted to believe it with every fiber of your being. But fear returned like an old friend, ravaging your being until it left nothing but paranoia in your consciousness. "I still think there’s something wrong with you..." Shaking your head as you choked out your words, he squeezed you right back.

"This won’t happen again, I’m sure of it. So don’t be so worried, okay?" Pulling away to soften his gaze on your teary one, he wiped away any moisture with a swipe of his thumb. Then, he sighed, but a small smile appeared right after. “I’ll be fine. Otherwise, who’s gonna look after you when I’m gone?”

“Don’t say that.” You deadpanned.

The truth to his words was haunting, and you couldn’t deny it. That was precisely why you hated hearing it.

“Do you care about me that much now, (F/N)?” The other grinned, his cheeks pink with content.

“Don’t ask that as if you don’t already know the answer.”

Alfred closed his eyes with a look of satisfaction. To hear you snap at him like this only pointed to one reason, and one reason only.

He'd totally grown on you. Maybe more so the other way around, but this was how things have always been. So he wasn't surprised when he was the first to feel something beyond a platonic friendship. Ironically, he was made of more metal than flesh and blood like you. But did that even mean anything anymore?

“Just wanted to hear you say it. But that’s good enough for me.” He hummed, watching a blush spread over your cheeks he himself was responsible for.

You hit his shoulder. "... Take this a little more seriously, would you?"

The blonde laughed. "I am! I was just being honest."

Neither of you noticed that you both had taken the leisure to sit on the ground. But given the circumstances, how could you possibly focus on something else? The same could be said for Alfred as he continued to stare at you with an unreadable expression.

Even then, he was pulling you in like a moth to a flame.

"You say that and yet I really can't tell what you're thinking."

"... And what if I didn't want you to?"

Whatever it was that was between you both, it couldn't be ignored. You weren't on the same page as him, but that didn't mean you wouldn't do everything in your power to save him.

He was carefree about this, but you weren't taking your chances.

Not that you could do anything to help him as his symptoms spiraled out of control. What he said would only be a one-time thing became a daily ritual. His episodes were longer. More violent. If he wasn't freezing up in the middle of the street, he was having seizures left and right until he fried his own brain.

Devil's At Your Door

You would drag his heavy body to an alleyway to wait it out. This was one of those times, but the task proved more difficult during a thunderstorm, and when heavy was more of an understatement. Not only was he made mostly out of steel, but he was well over six feet to boot, so all it took was one small puddle to slip and drop him--right onto the concrete with a thump.

In the few seconds he laid flat on the ground, he looked dead.

But a few seconds was more than enough for tears to form. They streamed endlessly down your face as you watched his, motionless and peaceful as it lay half-submerged in a murky well of water. As dark as it was, it still reflected the bright neon of the city. But the lights were anything but beautiful.

"... Sorry for dropping you." You murmured, reaching up to rub your eyes. He remained quiet. A part of you wished he said something, maybe a soft laugh going, don't worry about it. But he never did.

Bending down to sit beside him, you pulled Alfred onto your body and rested his head on your shoulder. It wasn't the freezing puddle your legs were submerged in that bothered you. Nor was it the light drizzle of rain on your face, the rumbling of thunder, or your dirty clothes sticking to your skin.

It was the feeling of him twitching in your arms, the restlessness in his uneven breaths. Something inside him was killing him. And all you could do was ease his pain while he wasted away.

Sticking your hand into his pocket, you pulled out a metal pin before lifting his tank top. Then, you inserted it into a tiny hole in his chest. You felt a pop, and a plate opened up. At least he wasn't drenched on the inside. But the water was a bad sign nevertheless, especially when he wasn't filtering it out like he normally did.

With whatever areas of your clothes that were still dry, you rubbed the inside of his torso vigorously. Then, you carefully removed detachable parts to wipe them as well. So there you sat, and hoped, unscrewing plates and reattaching them with his trusty screwdriver for ten minutes before he began to stir.

It was easily the longest ten minutes of your life. When he laid there, unable to process a single coherent thought, you had to wonder if this would be the last time. What if he never woke up? What if your father's men found him out here, and did away with him while he was so vulnerable?

The fear for his dwindling life chipped away at your sanity faster than you could deal. But every time he woke up, he put a stopper on your waning senses. A cough was heard and you stopped your movements abruptly. "... Pervert." He cracked his eyes open into thin slits as a tired grin stretched at his lips.

But you couldn't humor his comment as bile rose in your throat.

"I thought you weren't gonna wake up again." Your lips trembled in a frown. Working quickly to put him together, you pulled his top down and leaned down to hug him. "Thank god... We need to get you out of the rain. I know that much."

You helped him up slowly and slung his arm around your shoulder. "Yeah. You know more about this dinosaur than me." He furrowed his brows together and managed a sheepish smile. "If you didn't dry me up, I could've shocked myself to death. That would've been kinda embarrassing."

"Oh, shush. You know I'd never let that happen." Taking slow and steady steps, you both moved out of the alleyway and onto the street. The downpour just got heavier, so you kept your head down and ran to the closest shelter available--the outside of an upgrade store.

And as you stood there, waiting, you heard him say something you would never forget.

"... Even if you didn't, I'm still... Probably gonna die anyway." He laughed dryly. Misery shook his voice, and it manifested in the form of tears that rolled down his face. When you saw them, you almost couldn't tell as droplets of rain had dotted his skin. But he gave you no chance to process the fact he was crying when he continued.

"I'm being killed by something inside. It's not a disease. It's like... A virus." He dug a hand through his hair, and his eyes widened with a manic kind of sadness. "Ha! I'm about to die the most unnatural death. And to think I used to believe I was still a human."

"But you are." You forced out, swallowing thickly as an intense wave of grief washed over you. Then, you shook your head at him. "What I said when I met you was stupid. I didn't know who you were. I was scared. You're scared. I can tell. But don't tell me you're not human after everything you've done."

He wanted to believe you with every damn fiber of his being. He did. He really did. But he just couldn't. Not while his vision glitched so that he could barely see your face. And not while his ears blared with static to render him deaf. "... I'm not what you think I am."

Gritting his teeth so hard, veins popped around his neck and his left eye shattered.

"Alfred, stop!"

What was left of it was a bright blue light in his eye socket.

"Look at me." He breathed shakily. "I'm not even a fucking cyborg. Nothing about me is natural. Can't you see?"

He forced his chest plate open, and no matter how hard you tried, you couldn't stop him from pulling it off its hinges. Landing on the wet sidewalk in a clatter, you struggled to keep his hand still as he tore away one part after the other. "I've opened myself up before. I pulled everything out. There's nothing inside but metal and plastic."

But it was true. It became apparent when he pulled himself apart and gutted himself. You stood no chance against his inhumane strength, so he ripped everything out until he was reduced to nothing but a hollow shell.

"See? I don't even have any goddamn organs! And I'm still alive!" Alfred screamed with a face full of tears, but you were just as much of a mess as you sobbed wretchedly. "But hey, I get it. Maybe this isn't even my body. If it was, I wouldn't be alive. Maybe I'm a clone or something. A robot clone. Do you think they still kept my old body as a souvenir?"

He emptied himself as he spoke through crazed laughs, tossing his insides onto the street without a single shred of care.

Glassy Sky

As people walked by, they stopped to stare at the unfolding altercation, but some couldn't bring themselves to give a shit. A few even stepped on his parts on accident as they brushed past. And the sight of them cracking under their feet left you more and more unstable until you stopped crying altogether.

Lowering yourself into a crouch, you covered your ears as an unpleasant concoction of panic and anxiety overwhelmed your senses. As if hot water rushed into your head, a thick mental fog slowed your thoughts to a standstill. In fact, it was so incapacitating, you never struggled when you were picked up from behind.

Even when you were placed into a stranger's car, you never made a move to get out.

Once you calmed down, you were in an entirely different location. Familiar, but different. As you studied your surroundings, you came to recognize it to be the same room you stayed in at Arthur's. And rather than laying down in bed, you were leaning against a warm body. Pressing your face into their chest, you were overwhelmed with the scent of cologne.

Allen's cologne.

Tilting your head back, a pair of striking red eyes stared down at you with the most tender gaze. "Hey. Did you miss me?" He'd said.

For the second time that day, you cried. You cried and cried until there was nothing to cry about anymore. But rather than on a fearful note, it was a happy one. You clung onto him like a lifeboat as he began to rock you gently from side to side, then whisper soft words of comfort into your ear. Allen was alive and well. And the tables had turned for him to save you.

He never thought he'd have the stroke of luck to find you and Alfred. But his sudden urge to go to the bathroom--which came from the heavy downpour--turned out to be the best damn thing that ever happened to him.

"... I gotta take a leak," Allen murmured, earning a slow nod from the man beside him. Climbing out of the vehicle, he jogged across the road. He had been mulling over going all the way to the mall a few blocks down to relieve himself, but he opted for the alleyway right across where their car was parked. When he left, he noticed a small gathering of people down the street.

"...?"

Then, someone screaming bloody murder. He would've turned away, having seen similar scenes unfold like a regular Tuesday, but it was the sobbing that followed he couldn't ignore.

The voice sounded just like yours.

In a heartbeat, he burst into a sprint and pushed his way through the crowd to the center. When he finally got to the middle, he managed to step on a random part--an enhancement of some kind--much to his confusion. Then, he lifted his head for some answers. He paled immediately at what he saw.

Alfred was standing there in all his glory, having disemboweled himself. You were presumably reacting to him doing it.

"... What in the hell?" Sweat amassed around his forehead as he processed the grotesque sight. But seeing you so distraught was more than enough to get him to spring into action. Without a moment's hesitation, he shoved all the curious onlookers away with a scowl. "Fuck off, all of you. Never seen a dude gut himself before?"

Once the group dispersed, he scooped you up with one arm while he used the other to drag Alfred away by his collar.

One frenzied car ride and nap later, you were here in Allen's arms. He had long forsaken the idea of leaving you by yourself. But that wasn't the right way to put it when he never considered it in the first place. "You're okay, (F/N). Everything's gonna be fine." He murmured, digging his hands into your hair to rub your scalp.

It was something he always did to calm you down, and like every other occasion, it worked like a miracle. Feeling his fingers massage your head was therapeutic, and you quickly settled into his chest.

"... I thought you died, you know." Tightening your grip on his white tank, your chest felt heavy as you revisited the memories. "Even if it was for a little while, I knew I went a little crazy afterward."

Allen closed his eyes and rested his chin on you. He usually would have cracked a joke on a topic like this, but he knew better. So there was no sign of mirth in his expression when he responded.

"And that's why I didn't die, sweetheart." Coiling his arms around your neck, he gave you a squeeze. Then, he opened his eyes and narrowed them into a frown. It didn't matter what he did in his life. If he somehow passed before you did, which was more likely than anything, he'd latch himself onto this world with the regret of unfinished business.

"If I died before you, I wouldn't ever forgive myself. I can't leave you alone in this... Shitty world." He pulled away just so he could press his forehead against yours. "It's just you and me. Everyone else is fucking crazy. We're the only sane ones alive."

You couldn't help but crack a smile at that. Allen always had a way with words, even if he was a bit heavy on the colorful vocabulary. In a way, he shared an affinity with Alfred who hated the world just as much as him. But rather than starting revolutions, he preferred to keep it on the down-low and make the most of what he had.

And you had to admit that you preferred the same. "... Maybe you're right. But at least we have each other."

Allen hummed.

"Uhhuh. And maybe I could take Arthur into consideration for the normal people club. He's got a good head on his shoulders."

Speaking of which, how was he going with Alfred, anyhow?

Within

As if he read your mind, he offered to take you to the medical bay. Leading you down the dimly lit halls, he pushed open the door to reveal a violent altercation taking place. Alfred, who had been sleeping off the operation, was up on his feet and causing a ruckus. He held medical scalpels in both hands as if to defend himself.

Darting his wide eyes between the two men, Arthur and another man you didn't recognize, he screamed his lungs out. "Don't come any closer! I'm armed!" Backing himself to the corner, he dropped one of the blades but kept the other firmly in his grip. And that he used to point at whoever that moved.

"Who the hell are you guys? What the fuck did you do to me?!"

What did he say?

Your face fell as you watched the scene unfold. Nothing but pure, unadulterated fear oozed from every action Alfred made. Like a caged animal, he kept his distance from everyone and everything because he simply couldn't understand what was going on.

And the longer the predicament dragged on, the clearer it became to you why he was acting up.

The Brit gave Allen a nervous side-eye.

"Allen, do something! Restrain him, I don't know! We don't have any enhancements, so one stab from that and we're done for!"

He shook his head as he made a weird look. "Wait, what dya' mean restrain him? He's just disoriented, just let him be! What if he dies?"

"Yeah, big guy! Tackle him while we try and sedate him!" The other man exclaimed, narrowly dodging a metal tray thrown his way. His copper brown hair was tied back in a long ponytail, and his eyes were almost as red as Allen's, but they were noticeably darker. "Fuck you! This is pretty much a hospital, you know? Just because we don't have uniforms doesn't mean we tried to sell your organs!"

"... Not that you even have any." He murmured that under his breath, but karma struck and another metal tray came flying his way to hit him square in the face. "Ow!"

Arthur muttered out a string of curses. "Goddammit, Allen! He's not disoriented, he has amnesia!" You tensed up all over as your suspicions were confirmed right then and there. "He doesn't know who any of us are, and he won't have any trouble killing us all when he figures out he can shoot rockets from his arms!"

"Wait, what the fu--I can do that?!"

"Uhh, no you can't!"

There was no way he couldn't remember you, right?

The thought deeply saddened you, but it was more reasonable than getting ahead of yourself. If he couldn't remember Arthur and Allen, what were the chances he'd remember you? Nevertheless, a part of you hoped he somehow did after everything you two went through.

There was only one way to find out.

"Alfred!"

Your shout echoed across the room and he turned to the source. When he saw you, he dropped his scalpel to the ground in a clatter.

His eyes went wider than dinner plates, but you had no way to gauge what he was feeling, let alone thinking. So you let him walk up to you, albeit slowly. When he managed to stand right in front of you, he attached two hands to your shoulders, the action prompting Allen to pull out his gun at light speed. Training that at the blonde's head, he curled his finger around the trigger.

But he never pulled it.

"... (F/N)?"

[boop-le-snoot]

PARTY FAVOURS I CHAPTER 17

First time reader click here

TWs/Summary: Feelings! PTSD! Anxiety! Clint! Team bonding! Reader is a badass 😍 And comic book medical accuracy .

Un-beta-ed.

"It smells like a liquor factory in here," Bucky's voice came from the kitchenside, followed by noises of the team's arrival. Via portal, because the elevator made zero noise.

"I suggest you avoid the area around me and Clint. It might be contaminated." My voice sounded sharp to my own ears. I sat in silence for several hours, waiting for the team's return, while Clint restlessly dozed next to me.

My words caused the team to freeze in their tracks, owlishly blinking at me and at Clint laying sprawled on the floor, surrounded by plastic bags and biological hazard containment units. Tony's helmet swiftly covered his face - I heard muffled sounds coming from within, probably Friday's explanations. In seconds, the helmet retracted, showing an extremely worried Tony.

"How do you feel, Princess? Any weakness, any pain?"

"No symptoms, Tony. Just a fuckton of anxiety," I admitted, avoiding the concerned looks of Tony's teammates. "I almost drowned the room in alcohol but warned you just to be safe. Also, your alien pathogen protocol sucks."

"We made it so unauthorized personnel wouldn't get their hands on Thor's or Loki's blood samples," Bruce supplied meekly from where he was leaning against Steve, wearing a tattered hoodie and his hulk-out pants. "Off to decon we go," The scientist sighed. "Friday, code seven-zero-three-five-five. Pull up the data you gathered. In the shower." The man was exhausted, yet the call of science seemed to give Bruce a tiny energy boost. With newfound determination, he waddled to the communal showers, the rest of the team in tow.

Natasha's stare was truly unnerving. I was fully aware she and Barton had long history; the fact that I had to respond to one of the deadliest assassins if I had made even the slightest mistake - anxiety mixed with blind terror in me. I fought the nausea and the headache, focusing on Clint's hair between my fingers. His steady breathing.

He'd be okay. He had to be okay.

"You did great, Princess," The time passed in a blink. Bruce's warm hands were encompassing mine - gently pulling me away from Clint. I looked at Banner's face with unseeing eyes.

"I heard what Friday said and I can only applaud your quick thinking. You saved his life," Strange, sounding uncharacteristically quiet and bashful, parroted Bruce, hovering behind the scientist. His angular face was contorted in sorrow. "I believe I should apologize for dropping Barton onto you like that. I underestimated the extent of his injuries." The man sounded so, so guilty.

"I saved his life," I repeated in disbelief. Surely they were exaggerating.

"You did, malysh. For that, I am grateful," Natasha's hand found my own, squeezing briefly, before following Steve that had picked up a still-sleeping Clint, to, presumably, carry him to medical. "Come on, Banner, we need you."

Banner gave me a brief squeeze of his own, taking his leave, scurrying after Romanoff. I was left awkwardly standing in front of Strange, both of us disheveled and dazed.

"I ordered pizza," I said, just to fill the grim silence.

"Okay," Just like that, he snapped out of his trance, sitting down on the couch and picking up his food.

The others trickled in, Bucky, Pete, Thor, Loki, Sam, Wanda, Pietro. I saw it all like it was tinted by a thick fog. Their words made a jumbled cacophony when they reached my ears. Tony's arm around me - that woke me up, slightly. I focused on my favourite thing in the world - the faint smell of him, a mix of soap, machine oil and expensive cologne.

"She's shellshocked," Bucky suddenly said, pointing at me.

"No," I frowned. "No. I may be a fumbling idiot but I don't have PTSD."

Tony's breath stuttered in his chest. Promptly, I was turned around, a pair of intelligent brown orbs sharply gazing into my eyes. "Princess?"

"I'm so glad y'all are alright," I choked out, fisting the cotton of his shirt in my palm. "Even Stephen the asshole. Team bonding wouldn't be the same without his sarcasm," Hurrying to hide the fact that I was scared shitless, I did what I do best. I joked.

"Gods, you two are really a match made in heaven," Wanda's tired voice had 110% eye-roll in it. "So much self-deprication, almost as much as brilliance." The witch usually refrained from commenting on people's private thoughts. Usually, but not that day.

"I am relieved to know you hold me in high regards," Stephen's sarcastic remark made it's way around a mouthful of pizza.

Bucky's phone beeped. "They're saying Clint will be out in a few hours. No permanent damage, the gash on his leg won't scar and he's demanding Tony buy his saviour a cake," With a smile, the soldier read the text's contents out loud. "Also, the resident doc wants to hire you." Bucky pointed at me with a teasing grin.

"I, umm, I," Stammering, way to go. "I just - uh, I googled and I improvised? I'm not a doctor or a scientist, I'm a high school student," I replied, voice raising half an octave higher.

"Told you Tony, she's a friggin' genius," Peter sounded way too smug for someone who had a bruise half the size of his head.

"That she is," Tony's voice... Was different. It was honeyed and warm, blanketing me, surrounding me with safety. His arms tightened around me - not uncomfortably so, just enough to ground his presence in my personal space. I snuggled into him happily - he didn't mind at all. The cold glow and faint humming of his arc reactor calmed me. "Friday, cake. Princess cake from the bakery on Seventeenth."

Wow, Tony knew my favourite kind of cake. That was amazing.

"On it, boss." The AI immediately replied. "Well done, Miss." Friday addressed me with the same tone I heard in the lab. Gentle and understanding. It was so very strange.

We mulled around the living room until the pizza was gone and half the occupants were snoring away, dead where they sat. It was an unanimous decision to pull out the unfolding couch and form a cuddle pile of sorts - after such a long and grueling mission with one of their own facing the brink of death, all the superheroes were more than a little unsettled. I didn't exactly know where I fit in that. Obviously, all of them were close in one way or another. Even Loki and Stephen, seeing them get cussed out by Thor for attempting to leave was kind of amusing.

But it got me wondering. Maybe they felt like imposters, too? After all, I wasn't special. Loki wasn't considered a good guy. And Stephen was too much of a lone wolf. All three of us were comfortable alone, used to dealing on our own.

One look from Tony, Stark-patented puppy eyes, and I was making space for myself and for Stephen. Even if Loki insisted on grumbling all the way through, his exhaustion showed in the way he leaned on Thor's arm, using a weakly glimmering spell to summon himself a book and then closing his eyes for a moment.

Muted cheering broke out the moment elevator doors opened, showcasing a pale but smiling Clint held up on both sides by Natasha and Steve, Bruce half asleep on the blonde's other side.

"Looking pretty good for a dead bitch," Clint grinned in my direction.

I couldn't resist the bait. The boomer knew his memes, after all. "She's alive!"

He patted my leg, making his way to a free spot on the ginormous sofa bed. "Aw, pizza," He groused, spying the empty boxes.

"Should arrive in ten minutes," Bucky quipped, waving his phone. Then, the brunette super-soldier looked at me pointedly. "We usually order double after long missions."

"Duly noted, y'all hungry peoples." I said, filing it away for later. Thinking about more missions, more near-death experiences wasn't something I wanted to handle that very moment.

"So, uh, what exactly happened? My memory is pretty spotty," Clint demanded once he got his hands on some food.

"I also need to know. You're going to have to sign a statement and a mission report," Natasha stated apologetically.

I looked at her, confused. "Like... How many details do you need?"

Tony shifted beside me uncomfortably. I put a steadying hand on his leg - my palm was immediately dwarfed by his own. Natasha gave him a Look. "Fury's eyes only, but SHIELD needs to know how you figured out to neutralise a potential alien threat. Bruce ran some tests and this pathogen is... Pretty nasty, to say the least. It has the survivability to be classified as a potential weapon." Natasha's voice was apologetic, once more.

What have I gotten myself into? I was just trying to save a friend. "First of all, I'm not working for Men in Black, like, ever," I made the point to look her in the eyes. A brief moment later, she nodded. Tony relaxed, exhaling soundly. "Okay, get your reading glasses on. It went like this..." I retold the story, taking careful note to voice my thought processes as much as I remembered them. Save for a few surprised gasps and Tony haphazardly kissing the top of my head, the team gave me no interruptions.

Bruce was the first one to react once I was done. "But... How did you think of bloodletting? It's such an unusual solution," He mumbled more to himself.

"I've watched enough horror movies to know better than to introduce a foreign bacteria, such as antibiotics, to a person with an alien infection," I deadpanned, spying a satisfied smile on Stephen's face. "Worst case scenario, the substitution of infected blood with healthy would have diluted the amount of parasites or deflected their attention from eating away Clint's nerve endings. Him going bazinga from pain was my main concern," I admitted, the archer's pained cries once again filling my ears. The memory was still fresh.

"That makes sense," Bruce nodded.

"And what would you have done?" I asked, unable to withhold my curiosity.

"Sedated Clint while I examine the specimens," Banner replied with the obvious. "Then figure out how to cure the infection."

I nodded along slowly. "I considered that option but ultimately, I was too chicken to entertain the possibility of the parasites interacting with heavy sedatives. Fentanyl affects some of the blood components the parasites eat so only God knows how it might have ended."

Banner was impressed, that much was obvious. Tony's lips once again landed on the crown of my head, gentle and warm. More and more people in the room were giving me impressed, happy, grateful looks. It was strange and I squirmed in my spot, putting the half-eaten pizza slice back in the box, Steve immediately eyeing it in contemplation.

"Have at it, you human garbage disposal," I muttered, laying down comfortably. I was still shivering from the adrenaline rush and the soft blanket cocoon I shared with Tony and Stephen - their combined body heat under it - called to me like a siren.

"Are you well?" Loki noticed my state, casting a dark look over the edge of his book.

"Yeah, just cold. Us humans shiver when coming off an adrenaline rush," I remarked absently, pressing myself closer to Tony.

The engineer laid down, spooning me, tangling our legs together. We slept like that, all over each other, every time I stayed in his bed. It felt comfortable, like home, and nobody seemed to mind. Peter and Wanda, already snoozing away, were in a similarly indisposed state, octopus-ing their nearest teammates. Friends. Family.

My eyes drooped. My chest was about to burst with an odd sort of content - quiet, steady and welcoming. Tony's beard tickled my neck, breaths coming in soft puffs against my nape, spreading warmth all over me.

And there was something - someone warm in front of me, too, I could smell the sandalwood and spices of his cologne. Abandoning all reservations, I shamelessly wrapped both of my arms around a larger, more muscular one, taking note to avoid Stephen's scarred, sensitive hands. The flat of his tummy under my palm was rising and falling steadily, his breathing almost in sync with Tony's and mine.

All of us were safe and alive. It mattered to me, perhaps, more than I'd ever cared to admit out loud. As much as I refused to let them all in, for real and beyond silly gimmicks, they still wormed their way inside my heart, inside my brain. Not with long discussions and talking feelings - hell no, that's the hard and the boring shit, but with simply their presence.

Hugs. Mario Kart tournaments. Cake after I'd done good at something. Sunday morning pancakes for all. Homework. Sciencing together. Catching up on memes and just watching funny YouTube videos together. Playing Twister and Monopoly.

For the first time in my life, I had a stable presence. I belonged somwhere. It felt too good to deny, so once again, I allowed myself to be selfish.

✨ Taglist of my lovelies ✨ still open.

@another-stark-sub ​ @mostly-marvel-musings  @vozit ​ @littlegasps ​ @pilloclock ​ @shereadsinquiet @downeyreads @hermione-grangers-wife ​ @individualistfem ​ @sleep-i-ness @capbrie @lillsxd @agustdowney @dee-vn @justanotherblonde23 @fanngirl19 @persephonehemingway @softie-socks @schemefrenzy @letsby @cutenessloading

[adhdtogether]

hi! i noticed you have inattentive adhd, so do i, but i dont hyperfixate (or i havent in a very long time, im not sure) im just wondering if thats because i have inattentive type or something? or if maybe i was misdiagnosed? idk if you answer questions or not tho so you can ignore this if you want :)

Hello! Yes, I do answer asks, though I don’t get very many.

I did some quick Googling to see if I could find anything more authoritative than my own experiences. I found this study published just last month that says it found no meaningful difference in the frequency, duration, or pervasiveness of hyperfocus between people with ADHD and people without. (This study has some really interesting charts and stuff--I recommend taking a look!)

The study also broke out Inattentive vs. Hyperactive types of ADHD (see Table 3 at the above link) and it looks like, based on their findings, that hyperactive types experience hyperfocus more often and more pervasively. (Someone please correct me if I’m wrong--I took one social research class in college and I’m doing my best to remember how to interpret these kinds of tables!)

However, this study points to previous other studies that have shown the opposite. That first study also noted that hyperfocus “is a known symptom in clinical practice, [but] it is not included in diagnostic manuals as an official symptom of ADHD.” So I can’t say whether you were misdiagnosed, but hyperfocus is not required to receive a diagnosis!

So... it sounds to me like, clinically and research...ly speaking, it’s inconclusive??

Switching to my own experiences, I do experience hyperfocus/hyperfixation, to varying degrees. Here are a few of the ways I’ve experienced what I consider to be hyperfocus:

Spending 15 hours straight playing Stardew Valley, barely stopping to pee and eat.

Getting a crush on someone and thinking about them ALL. THE. TIME.

Becoming so focused on my work that I don’t notice when someone is trying to talk to me.

Reading books in one sitting for 10+ hours straight.

Glancing at tumblr in the morning and then realizing I’ve been scrolling for over an hour and now I’m late for work.

Glancing at tumblr before bed and then realizing that I’ve been scrolling for over an hour and I’ve lost out on precious sleep time.

Getting into a new show or fandom and trying to absorb everything about it (I do this less now, but you should have seen me in college learning everything there is to know about David Cook from American Idol season 7 and memorizing entire sections of The HP Lexicon.)

So, I guess, I think it’s different for everyone. And I don’t think these are the only ways to experience hyperfocus. Hyperfocus can look like laziness. It can look like nerdiness or fan culture. It can look like “selective hearing” or other forms of inattention.

It’s not one size fits all. 

And, personally, I don’t think a lack of hyperfocus means you don’t have ADHD. This article from ADDitude Magazine says that “hyperfocus is thought to result from abnormally low levels of dopamine... This dopamine deficiency makes it hard to “shift gears” to take up boring-but-necessary tasks.” If you don’t hyperfocus, your brain probably has other coping mechanisms it prefers to make up for your lower levels of dopamine.

I hope this was helpful!

[sneezyminniejo]

could you remake your “are you going to sneeze?” fic but with namjoon as the sneezy one?

Here it is hope you enjoy

Just Sneeze if you Need to

Namjoon has always been a fairly suggestible person. He wasn’t gullible, and also wasn’t really able to be hypnotized (He went to a couple hypnosis shows when he was younger, and it never worked on him.). However, ever since he was little, he’s had a strange affliction. Whenever people around him are talking about sneezing, it causes him to sneeze as well. The act of someone sneezing didn’t cause him to sneeze, just people talking about it did.

Namjoon didn’t know why talking about sneezing made him sneeze, but he did his best to hide this little fact from his members. Which was kind of difficult to say the least, seeing as the three youngest members were frequent sneezers, and consequently sneeze complainers. He just hoped that the rest of the members thought he also had allergies or was a frequent sneezer, even though he seldom sneezed in public.

The members found out about Namjoon's affliction one day while they were touring in America. They were all relaxing in the hotel flipping through the tv channels. Jungkook, who had the remote, stopped flipping when he came across a peculiar show about talking vegetables. All the members were curious about this show, so they all turned their active attention to the tv.

Unfortunately for Namjoon they had tuned in right when the 'Silly Songs With Larry' segment started, and the song was about a tomato with a stuck sneeze going to a sneeze doctor to get help. The other six members were stunned as they watched their leader sneeze his way through the song, and only stopped when the song finished.

"Joon-ah, are you feeling okay? That was quite the display." Seokjin asked while feeling the younger's forehead. Meanwhile Yoongi passed Namjoon a box of tissues then began rummaging through his bag for medicine. Namjoon tried to pass it off as allergies, but when the maknae line chimed in that they weren't having any allergy symptoms, Namjoon was forced to come clean

The others were amused by this, and promised they wouldn't tease him on a daily basis about it. They did however, tease him every couple or so days, especially when one of the youngers' noses was acting up.

It was a few months later when Namjoon and Taehyung were alone at the dorm. The duo had decided to watch a movie and Namjoon had gone to make tea. As Namjoon was grabbing the mugs, Namjoon tripped over his own feet, causing both of the mugs he had grabbed crashing down to the floor loudly.

Taehyung came running to see what had happened and saw that of the two mugs that had broken, one of them was a custom made one of a kind mug that he almost considered a good luck charm. Needless to say, Taehyung was not happy.

Namjoon had been expecting Taehyung to just start yelling at him about breaking a mug that can't be easily replaced. Instead Taehyung turned around and slammed the door to his room as he entered it.

Namjoon immediately picked up all the pieces and google how to repair mugs, and went to work in hopes of making it up to his dongsaeng. Taehyung was very much seeing red and decided to make his hyung suffer by tormenting him a bit.

A few minutes later Taehyung left his room still fuming. He noticed Namjoon was sitting at the table, but he was too caught up in his own anger to notice what he was doing. "Hyung." Taehyung paused to make sure he had Namjoon's attention before continuing.

"I couldn't help but notice the pollen count is a bit high today. It's amazing that you haven't started sneezing yet." Upon hearing that word, Namjoon immediately stopped what he was working on and turned to the side, "heh-stishhh, heh-istiew." After that, Taehyung began having a mostly one sided conversation about sneezing.

Namjoon was doing his best to not sneeze so he could talk to Taehyung, but he was failing miserably. "Taeh-hyung. C-can you st-stop for hih-tiew, hep-tschh for a moment." Taehyung wasn't listening, simply responded with "just sneeze if you need to hyung." and continued on with his spiel.

It was around fifteen minutes later when the other five members returned to the dorm. They weren't entirely sure what had happened, but it was clear that there was some sort of fight.

Namjoon was at the table sneezing up a storm, and in front of him and a little off to the side was a bunch of broken ceramic pieces and some glue. Over at the entrance of the room was Taehyung looking absolutely pissed while talking about sneezing. Yoongi motioned for Jimin and Jungkook to go help the leader, while he, Hoseok, and Seokjin would deal with Taehyung.

The three oldest all tried saying Taehyung's name to no avail. Yoongi just rolled his eyes before grabbing a pillow off the couch and throwing it at the younger's head.

"Ouch! Hyung, what gives?!" Seokjing gave Taehyung a look. "Tae-ah, we should be asking you that question." Seokjin gestures to where Jimin and Jungkook are trying to maneuver a very sneezy Namjoon out of the room. "HEH-ISTIEW, HUH-UGHIEW!" Taehyung looked down in shame as he heard Namjoon stumble with the force of the sneezes that he had inflicted.

"Namjoon broke my mug and I got mad." Hoseok patted the younger's back. "Taehyungie, I think Namjoon was trying to fix it." He gestured to the table that had the broken mug pieces and glue. "And even if he wasn't trying to fix it, you reacted badly by intentionally hurting him."

"What about Yoongi-hyung? He threw a pillow at me." Taehyung whined. Yoongi scoffed, "Tae, you were so caught up in you revenge that you weren't responding to our voices. It was either throw something soft at you or smack you over the head. Now go apologize." Taehyung nodded at his hyung's then went down the hall to find Namjoon.

"Hih-tiew, hep-tschh, heh-stishhh, heh-istiew, HEH-ISTIEW." Jimin and Jungkook looked sympathetically at their leader while he finished sneezing. Then Jungkook gave Namjoon a box of tissues, who gladly accepted it, seeing as he was a snotty mess that desperately needed to clean up. He was so preoccupied cleaning himself up, he didn't notice Taehyung enter.

Taehyung cringed at the sheer productivity Namjoon's nose blowing sounded before he knocked on the door frame. "Hyung, I came to apologize for my behavior. I now know that you were trying to fix what you broke, and I shouldn't have reacted how I did." Taehyung once again bowed his head in Shame.

"I'm sorry to Taehyung. I should have been more careful in the kitchen. I guess the 'God of Destruction' strikes again." Everyone in the room chuckled at the joke. "How about we go back to the living room and have the movie marathon we originally planned. I'll make the tea this time."

Namjoon nodded and left to sit on the couch. A few minutes later he was joined by Taehyung and the rest of the members, who had tea and popcorn. Right before the movie started, Namjoon told Taehyung he would fix the mug in the morning.

[driversmutbucket]

Just read the "knowing other people can hear" with Charlie prompt. OH. MY. LORT. So thank you for that, and for ruining my ovaries with "she'll just be hoping that I'm knocking you up..." *Pant* 🥵 That being said, I would LOVE your take on Charlie's reaction to a pregnancy. Is he nervous? Over the moon? Does the thought of reader carrying his baby get him riled up? Thank you for sharing this wealth of smut. You are a gift ❤️

Thoughts-

Ummmm I feel like we would be great friends. RIP ovaries.

Thanks for the lovely words about my pornnnn

Ohmygodddd sweet Charlie would be absolutely FIZZING.

I though I was gonna reply to this real quick, but alas a few days later- an entire fic.

Let me indulge you.

Warnings: pregnancy, pregnancy sex, oral sex, daddy kink/DDLG (I’m so fucking predictable), NSFW

Charlie never thought he would have the opportunity to be a father again. When you had met each other he was 35, Henry was starting school, he mournfully thought that chapter of his life was over.

Meeting you had been unexpected, in the best way. It started as nothing serious- both having recently come out of messy break ups, but flourished into a committed relationship over the space of a year.

After two years together it happened, by accident. It was a few weeks after Charlie’s 37th birthday. You had felt odd. After a week of persistent symptoms, that google told you could be pregnancy, you had picked up a pregnancy test, heart hammering in your ears.

You has sat in the bathroom dazed for a solid half an hour, the positive test held in your hand.

You scrolled through your contacts and called Nicole.

Charlie and his ex-wife Nicole, despite a stressful and emotional divorce, were on good terms. The first blended family Christmas you had shared, you had clicked. Which, frankly was very helpful, considering your involvement in Henry’s life. Now you talked regularly, and shared in the marvel that was Henry.

The moment she had answered you had burst into tears. They weren’t particularly sad tears, more- overwhelmed tears. She had calmed you, soothed you, her own voice wavered when she processed that Henry would have a sibling.

“Charlie is the best pregnancy and birth partner you could hope for y/n, oh my god, he is going to be so excited.” She had breathed wistfully, perhaps remembering back to her own experience.

That night, you had told Charlie to close his eyes and hold out his hand. He had done so with a questioning smile. You had placed the positive test in his hand, heart pounding, and told him to open his eyes.

He looked at it, then to you, then back at it before letting a laugh of disbelief, “Babe?!”

“I’m pregnant.” You had smiled, anxiety easing.

“Fuck!” He had shouted, grinning, throwing his hands up in the air, before engulfing you in the tightest hug.

His eyes had been filled with tears when he let you go. “Henry is going to be a big brother, I-...you-! This is amazing, i fucking love you so much.”

By this point you had your own tears running down your face, laughing at the state of you both.

—

The last 6 months had flown by. You had found out the gender at the earliest possible point. Both far too excited to wait until the birth. At 15 weeks you had gone in for a scan, breath held as the ultrasound technician inspected the baby.

Tears were threatening to spill even before the technician announced that you were expecting a boy.

Charlie had cupped your face and kissed your lips softly, his own eyes glassy. “Another boy” he had murmured, face glowing with pride.

Henry was almost beside himself with excitement. He had stayed with you over some of the summer break. Every other sentence began with, “When my baby brother....”

Even now he rang almost every night from his mom’s house, asking how the baby was.

Your body had changed rapidly over the last 6 months to accommodate the new life growing inside. Everything was fuller, curvier.

Charlie thought you looked sexier than ever. You kind of didn’t get it, but you happily took it and reaped the rewards.

Rewards being his hands all over you, all the time. His sex drive doubling, if not tripling. Then there were the words he would whisper in your ear, anywhere, anytime that never failed to fluster you.

“You look so fucking sexy, round with our baby.” He would growl, hands roaming up over your hips, grazing the underside of your full breasts before splaying over your large belly.

—

Tonight you were going out for dinner. Henry had not long returned to Nicole’s, the house now to yourself, you had devilish plans to seduction.

You had ordered pregnancy lingere online, and you had to admit, it was hot. The completely sheer baby pink bodysuit had a deep v neckline, your breasts which were large and swollen only just contained by the thin fabric. It was a thong bodysuit, showing your ample bottom in a way that had you saying silent thanks to the pregnancy weight you had gained.

You made sure to pull on your dress and stockings before Charlie could see.

The dress was a recent purchase, having finally given into maternity clothing, everything in your closet far too small to accommodate the bump.

Your OBGYN had told you at your last appointment that your little boy was 99th percentile in size. You had shot Charlie a look of horror.

“I’m not that surprised considering how tall his father is.” the doctor had smiled, “he will certainly be a big boy, I would say at this rate, 9lbs or more.”

“Oh course you would knock me up with a mini version of yourself.” You had huffed on the way home, “this kid is gonna wreck me.”

Consistent with his projected size, your bump was larger than most, people often mistaking you for further along. “Nope he is just huge.” You would sigh, giving Charlie the side eye, he would grin in return.

The dress was navy blue, and stretched, ruching nicely over your belly before ending mid calf.

“Is that new?” Charlie asked as he walked into the bedroom.

“Mmm yeah, because unfortunately wearing your clothing isn’t an option in this instance.” You shot him a sly smile.

Have exhausted your own wardrobe of options a few weeks ago you had moved to Charlie’s, which he had no complaint about. In fact it was added to the mile-long list of current turn-on’s.

“As much as love seeing that belly fill out my clothes, this is very nice.” He chuckled, coming in behind you as you stood at the full length mirror, kissing the top of your head and patting your bottom.

-

You dozed in the uber on the way home. Charlie had had a few wines and was having an enthusiastic conversation with the driver.

He led you through the door close to midnight, when you got to the bedroom you kicked your shoes off.

“Can you undress me?” You asked innocently.

Bless him, he was none the wiser as he reached for the hem of your dress and began peeling it off and over your head.

His eyes widened as he tossed the dress aside and took in the lingere.

“Fuck— what is this?” His voice was an octave lower, fingers tracing the neckline.

You bit your lip. “A little something for you.”

“Can you take off my stockings baby?” You asked as you turned around and bent yourself over, planting your hands on the bed.

The position gave him a view of the back of the bodysuit, the thong, beneath the stocking.

“Fuck.” he groaned, finding the waistband and rolling them off you slowly, until he was knelt down, helping you step out of them.

“Stay like that.” He murmured, running his hands up your legs, until then got to your ass, where he smacked both cheeks at the same time with splayed hands.

You let out a throaty moan.

His lips grazed the red marks that lingered, your breathing growing erratic as his mouth got closer to your sex.

“Always so wet.” He hummed. Pushing aside the thin strip of fabric.

You gasped as his tongue began to circle your entrance.

“Hhnnnghh Charrrrrrlie.” You pushed your hips back, into his face, spurring him on as he licked through your folds to your aching nub. His nose providing additional stimulation as it dragged.

His mouth, that magic mouth, had you gripping the sheets and whimpering.

He paused and stood you up from where he knelt, making adjusting your legs so they were hip width apart.

He sat on his feet and went back to work, your hips automatically began rocking against his mouth.

When you looked down you couldn’t see much, your belly obscuring what was probably an orgasm inducing view.

Your hand found his hair and gripped a handful as your moans became louder.

“Charlie— holy hell— I—” you babbled, before orgasming on his face, hips stuttering.

“Oh my god.” You breathed, stepping back and finding the edge of the bed before your legs gave out.

You gazed at him, kneeling there, hair touseled, face wet with your slick.

He stood and began stripping wordlessly, trousers bulging with evidence of his arousal.

You stood up, as he stepped towards you, and pulled him in for a hungry kiss. His hands roamed, teasing your nipples through the sheer fabric.

He broke the kiss. “As much as I love this little number, I need to take it off.” He said with a smirk.

“And then what?” You asked innocently, looking up at him through your lashes.

“You know very well what, little girl.” He rumbled, sliding into his role seemlessly.

“I don’t Daddy, you have to tell me.” You pouted.

He chuckled, as he began to peel off the lingere, your heavy breasts finally free from the constructing garment.

He made a primal rumbling sounds in his chest as his hand took your tits and kneaded them.

“Well little one, Daddy is going to undress you, and then you are going to be a good girl and sit on Daddies cock, ok?”

You nodded eagerly, “that’s my good girl” he hummed, pulling the lingere the rest of the way off so it fell to your feet, kicking it aside.

He got onto the bed and knelt, sitting on his feet, eyes fiery with desire as he looked at you.

“Look at you, so beautiful carrying Daddies baby. Come here.” He patted his thigh.

You got onto the bed and crawled over to him before shimmying back onto his thighs, your back to his chest.

He guided your hips up, teasing your entrance with the head of his cock.

“Please.” You whimpered.

“Please, what? He growled in your ear.

“Please Daddy.”

“Good girl.”

He pulled your hips down onto his cock, filling you to the hilt with a loud moan.

You cried out in pleasure, this angle had quickly become a favorite in pregnancy.

He helped you move, one hand under your bottom, the other cradling your tummy lovingly.

“Oh fuck Charlie.” You murmured, roleplay forgetten as you lost yourself in the dragging of his cock.

He moaned into your neck, you reached behind your head, gripping his hair, your back arching slightly.

“Y/n” He breathed, nibbling your ear, “you gonna cum for me babe?”

You whimpered, nodding, his hand cradling your belly moving down to seek out your needy clit.

He circled it slowly, relishing the sound of your long, low moans.“OhOh— right there.”

You arched your back, pushing down against him with your hips, driving his cock as deep inside you as you could. He responded by firmly and quickly rubbing your clit, sending you over the edge in a matter of seconds.

He came with a groan as your inner walls strangled his cock, milking every last drop of cum.

You relaxed against him, panting and grinning, his cock still snuggly inside you. He rolled you both, carefully so you were laying, spooning as he stretched his legs.

His hands rubbed your belly, soon after your son began to kick enthusiastically.

“Little tyrant.” You muttered, eyelids getting heavy.

“Him or me?” Charlie joked, hand moving in circulation motions over his little kicks.

—