#bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means
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pretty sure i just got a spider bite while trying to fall asleep 🧍
#i thought it was just a stray hair on my elbow under the blanket and kept trying to shake it off#and then i finally went to brush it off w my hand and felt a bump there#and then it was unbearably itchy so i turned the lamp on to apply some anti-itch stuff bc it was driving me nuts#and i was trying to see where it was on my elbow bc wtf when did i get bit#and then i looked at it and it was very pale like a fresh bite and then there was some skin torn like a spider bite#i cant tell if theres two little holes or not and honestly idk if spiders always leave two fang marks fjdkdl#but it doesnt look like a mosquito bite unless i tore the skin myself from scratching at it#but the way it is looking... very similar to past spider bites#anyways i just removed everything from my bed and methodically searched Everything. looked all around the bed too. cannot find a spider#so. shrug. <- actually very afraid#but the thing that makes me Really think it's a spider is that the bump was super pale and now after a little while it is regular skintone#so that makes me think it was a brand new fresh bite the way it was a different colour and now its normal looking#which is uhhh scary! to have had a spider possibly in my bed!#and I can't find it so i simply do not Know and that is going to make it so hard to sleep tonight fjfkdl#man i barely ate today too so im just... really not doing well at this very moment fjfkdl#i cant eat anything rn though bc i already brushed my teeth and i dont want to do that again tonight fjfkdl#but i am. so hungry. augh. idk what I'd even eat anyways im too anxious to stomach anything#WHERE IS THIS SPIDER. WHY DID IT CHOOSE MY BED TO BE IN 😭#im in bed so often ... it should avoid places where ppl are ....#i feel like such shit rn fjdkdl i just rly wish i didnt have to deal w all these bugs#in the past month I've had a couple spiders and Several(!) weevils and a centipede and a clicker beetle and a couple earwigs#im just so tired of bugs i rly am fjfkdl idk why they choose to come inside and idk HOW they're getting inside#i hate living in a basement!!#i just want to sleep so i dont have to deal w being awake for a while fjdkls but now im all freaked out#i want to curl into a little ball and blink out of existence I'll be so honest rn. im just. idk.#✨ I don't think I have a place in society ✨ i am not a good enough person to exist in the world ✨#i dont want to go to sleep bc what if the spider comes back fjfkdl i wish i would've found it so i could've trapped it#and then let it outside tomorrow! i wouldnt have even killed it. the universe should've given me that one bc im so niceys#unfortunately the universe doesnt play nice w me fjfksl#spider tw
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need motivation to keep going but everything feels either too far away in the future for me to care if i get there or not or just unattainable
#tryijg to push myself to start applying to jobs again but then even with money how much do i get to keep#most of it'd be going to bills and loan repayment#if i start driving soon then money to gas#how much do i have for myself#and even if i do have some to myself no space to put anything id like#cant even dream of an apartment or home rn#thats definitely out of reach and things just keep getting more expensive#gave up on dreaming of getting a cat either#bc as much as id love one and as good of a support it could be#...money.#food vet bills sanitary supplies toys#i need some motivation to start actually living instead of rotting away but where the hell do i find it#all i was focused on between hs and uni was getting it over with that ended and i rly have no clue what to do w/ myself#after being sickeningly anxious for 8 years i didnt even get anything out of it what was the point#i dont know what to do or where to go#ofc theres things i do want but its like. they also dont really matter to me.#not much does anymore#and id love it if something did im tired of feeling stuck in place
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weekend melancholy is starting to kick in >~<
#im gonna go and do my food shop etc to keep myself busy and hopefully my 2nd meds will kick in and we'll be able to handle it together#i think i kind of do this so regularly bc my brain is just processing everything bc i dont rly have time during the week#all cool tho im doing good overall def on the up n i feel way more capable of coping emotionally which is nice. i <3 meds#also.. possibly settling on the idea that i might be agender. very tentatively. lots of experiences n thoughts coming together rn#ive been reacting in unexpected ways to a lot of gendered shit atm which has made me reconsider the way i think abt myself#but very difficult to articulate it to myself let alone anyone else. so ive been sitting with it for now until it precipitates#gender stuff has never rly affected me much or ive never been in a place to explore it which is why i havent thought abt it super hard#but im not the sort of person who needs a lot of internal exploration to figure out my identity like im v self aware tbh#and while im wildly indecisive abt most things in my life for some reason i never have been abt stuff like this. i learned abt lesbianism#like idk 9 years ago-ish and straight away was like yeah that makes sense for me. never looked back since#n similarly ive experienced forms of gender dysphoria before n just immediately dealt with it symptomatically n moved on#its never been smth to agonise abt for me like i know what makes me comfortable in my skin so theres no question abt doing it#and ik im privileged to be able to do that. and also it helps that gender for me is mostly divorced from external perceptions#+ that im v autistic so social pressures dont stick to me very well. i mean yeah i was bullied for it as a kid but i was stubborn asf#so yeah from the moment i realised i was genuinely uncomfortable/upset abt it earlier this week i was like okay. lets try this instead#its given me pretty instant relief from any distress i was feeling so far which is nice. rare respite from one of my torture labyrinths#just testing out internally whether it frames things more clearly n makes me feel more myself/at peace before i choose to stick w the idea#but not gonna do a whole coming out fanfare either way. dont think i wanna change how ppl interact w me + im still a dyke#so i dont consider it relevant to anyone else unless they share a similar understanding of gender to me. or if we're v close#ill prolly broach it w other trans friends eventually bc insert philosophers talking image. but to everyone else its business as usual#happy to play my cis-sona at work. + w new queer ppl i meet ive been introducing myself recently w mirrored pronouns instead of any/all#and i think i prefer that. virtually indistinguishable but theres smth nice abt inviting ppl to recognise me the way they do themselves#like translating + localising a non-gendered language into a gendered one... simplifying decisions abt how to perceive me#and ofc ppl are still gonna perceive me however but idc much unless we're actually friends. the rest is all a performance anyway#doubtful anyone on here ever has reason to refer to me but if u do for some reason... im freeloading off ur pronouns now btw <3#but yeahhh. much 2 think abt. i need to read more alien/ai sci fi.. non-human sentience has been such a comforting concept lately#but yea tldr i woke up one morning this week like damn im prolly agender but i have a full time job to go to rn so idc abt that#.diaries#okkkk my dex is kicking in im no longer on the verge of tears lets go get these groceries wooohoooo
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Some days I'm pretty content with my childhood other days I'm ripping my hair out because it just doesn't add up !! someone is hiding things from me !! I don't trust anyone !!
#im studying 'family as a psycosocial context' rn and its been pretty interesting!#and i was talking to my mom an article with an evolutionary perspective#bc we've talked before abt how this area of psychology can come off as dismissive abt socioeconomic factors & put unfair pressure on mothers#so i brought it up bc the paper didnt define parenting in terms of good/bad which was interesting !#but then at the end i said something abt 'the article talks abt abuse which obviously isnt relevant for me'#and she wouldnt answer me but her eyes were all watery and weird and I DONT LIKE THAT#like girl 😟 i was coming to terms with the occasional childhood neglect but abuse ? dont even tell me that bc what#like i know things werent perfect for me growing up but i hate how weird my mom is abt everything#and she starts crying if we get too much into it so i feel a little bad bringing it up#i also feel like when i do get new information abt something in my past it always makes me have a crisis#so maybe its just not worth it ?#bc i do feel like im in a rly good place rn and i dont need to know if i was 'abused' whatever that means#what i do know is bad enough and makes me sad as it is#i think the reason i get so paranoid abt it is because i have trouble remembering the stuff that has been told to me#and some vague things i do remember have been refuted ? so i cant rly trust my own memory#but idk if i can trust anyone else either#i mean i do trust my mom generally but shes so emotional and guilt-prone that im not sure what to believe#what i do know for sure is that there is a lot shes holding back in terms of what shes told me#which i dint love tbh#personal
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i worked onmy ermmm. little good habits reward sheet a lot .. im pretty excited :] i was gonna wait to start it until ive moved home bc a lot of the things r home specific (like spending time with loved ones etc) BUT i think im gonna go ahead n start it tmrw... i think itll be good to go ahead n get started on it b4 i move back that way its not such a big transition bc i think thats why my like. plans t get better when i moved up here. failed. so horrifically lol. bc i didnt give myseld any lead in i just made a huge change and then got upset when i didnt immediately adjust.
#i do eventually wanna move back to wa on my own bc i feel like. i didnt rly get to spend time here due to the everything. i just dont think#i was at all ready. and thats entirely on me i chose this i ignored literally everybody around me telling me it wasnt a good idea#i brought this all on myself. but i wanna try n improve#n im excitedd!! i think next year/whenever im Fr ready. im gonna try n move out to my old hometown#since my family moved away from it#which i think will be rly nice bc ill like. be independeny but in a familiar place and like. still close to home. ill still be able t have#the same insurance etc etc..#itll get rid of a Lot of stressors basically. and ill be able to visit family way easier !!#plus my hometown is way more walkable and since. idk if ill ever be able t drive just bc of like. my general nature#thats something im rly rly looking for...#i think my new goalsheet is rly well balanced as well. its likee#its based on thise little metallic walmart star stickers bc i miss those rly bad#thats the entire inspo. obv rn itll have to be digital bc i cant get my little star stickers#but. its like a points system#red is 5 points yellow is 3 points green is 2 points and blue is 1 point#(might move them around to make green 5 points bc green was my star color when i was little lol)#and each point is worth .50 cents. and so however many points i have at the end of the week thats how much money i get t have in my like#personal acct. and i get to use that however i want#and everything else will go to likee. savings and bills (i wont have bills for a while but yk)#and i even have likee. a streak system#i need to work on that sl its like balanced. bc idk if it is rn#my idea was t just have it be like. bc th way it is like#the tasks r split up by difficulty. more difficult tasks earn different colors#so my most difficult on there rn is to go for a walk#/ go to a public place / spend time outside#rly that goal is rly geared toward my hometown but im still gonna try n do it in my parents town... yk :] like i can ask my mom t take me#to th library and stuff. bc i wanna start going more#we went to th one here a couple times but it kinda got. shelved. yk. and i miss it#the one in ny hometown was rightt by our house and i never went#and im mad abt kt.
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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consuming media your mutuals like is so scary bc what if im a misunderstander what if my mutuals think all my takes r wrong and cringe and im not even an understander of the media and im wrong about it thats so scary. what if im wrong abt man from the podcast . even worse what if being worried abt being wrong about man from the podcast means i dont let myself enjoy it and talk with people about it and ruins the whole thing for me bc thats what im more scared abt tbh . agh .
#AGGH !!! so stupidd i told myself i was gonna stop carring what toher people thinkkk#its so dumb bc okay. the issue is that this has happened before. getting into smth my friends/mutuals have liked but being so scared#of having the “wrong” take tht i never rly engaged in it outside of just saying whatthey think on it. not that i didnt often agree with the#but like i was scared to say i associated songs with characters bc i was like what if they think its cringe and a bad take onthe character#and like. idk that whole fear messed with the friendship i think and made it very hard for me to enjoy the interest#and even tho i tihnk it was like. idk resolved in a way where its def not a major enough factor in the friendship ending#but i do think like idk. a part of it that was bad (where ithink not to get into it but like. a lot of the time i was worried i wasnt good#enough for her and i thought it was bc of me being anxious bc its someone i rly cared abt but i think part of it was like.her maybe being#not the root root cause of those feelings but perpertuating them in a way i never had in other close friendships . maybe it was smth else#but i do think it was her in some major part. for reasons tht i dont wanna get into rn rly lol)#that i dont want in other friendships yk. like i wanna not be scared to be myslef around people just be myself and not care what they say#bc if they like me they like me if they dont they dont !! but its hard and im scared to care about what people think and be in that place#again of being so worried about it thinking my relationships with people depend on whether or not i say smth they agree with abt a made up#guy yk. and i honestly like. trust most ppl in friends with now to not give a shit i just still have the fear which is so stupidd uhh !!!#the solution is just to grow up and not give a shit. but thats hard. but im gonna try !!!#bc this is literalllyyyy ridiculous okayyy#flappy rambles
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im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3
anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.
Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition
Ch 1:
*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me
My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(
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Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH
Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*
"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh
LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell
I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder
FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB
"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny
GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((
Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png
Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN.
Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much
Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion
Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this
EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now
Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T
Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl??????????
Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!!
TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life
Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???
OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING ——
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hsr 2.1 kit leaks
ok idk how but even w the preliminary aventurine kit leaks i didnt register before seeing a comment on how he would actually just shred in herta+himeko FUA teams for PF too and im just? obsessed actually i Love this
like PF is already in that weird place where sustains are kinda good still but kinda useless but aventurine being an actual FUA sub dps in addition to his shielding is just? so fucking good and will go so well with the never ending follow up after follow up death spiral that himeko and herta inherently bring to PF it should be a massacre 💀💀 i cant wait
anyway his kit looks sick i rly love how its designed. ACTUAL sub dps potential in a sustain finally 😭😭 and how much crit rate (40%) he gets just from reaching 3600 def is just? so delicious. obviously the fact that he will want crit, def, spd and possibly eff res too means you kinda need to invest hard into his build to rly get the most out of him but i love that blonde fucker so. yeah ill commit. i farmed my ass off for my fu xuan to be as stacked as she is i Will do it again 🫡🫡
the eff res hes giving to the team is actually massive too ?? CC immunity to himself when his passive effect is up? shields on skill no ult dependency and shield stacking on teammates being attacked and FUAs (and like. hes not dependent on FUA teams lmao its just going to boost him) just like that???
AND hes fast as fuck somehow like what 😭😭😭😭 bro looks stacked as hell i hope he stays strong. aventurine with that 106 speed rly out there running from the consequences of his antics 🏃♂️🏃♂️🏃♂️💀
anyway wow im hype for this bastard i Cannot wait for his animations
as for acheron im. somewhat interested? but not like too pressed abt it for now. her stacking mechanic seems interesting and ive already seen the asset leaks for her red ultimate state (which is like 700% better than her base design) but if you only see that design for a v short time idk how much itll motivate me to get her.
the lack of LC options definitely hurts like. all i realistically have for her is s3 GNSW but thats on kafka rn. ig if i got acheron i prolly wouldnt be running them at the same time but its still food for thought ig
also she really copied neuvillettes homework for that nihility team passive HSJSJSKSKF idk how i feel abt it like w our current cast it kinda feels pretty tricky to genuinely get a strong team going for an actual max stack team for acheron. like run her with pela and what? guinaifen? ig we will see what shes all abt
ig i just dont feel as much of an incentive for a lightning dps for now w kafka but eh i might go for acheron still. i do have a guarantee tho so it might be nice to save it for aventurine straight up bc then i could maybe go for his LC since it gets him even more sub dps potential but who knows
ig only gripe w aventurine (which isnt that big of deal rly) is the current lack of FUA charas like idm building ratio eventually even having daniel (and them having such heavy synergy is very funny. renheng could never 💀) n i could see myself maybe getting topaz even if im not a huge fan of her character (tho i do think shes well written; my mixed feelings r a result of her being complex) but idk. i hope we get more leaks for upcoming FUA charas.
obviously theres xueyi but her FUAs arent That frequent and unironically i wouldnt Want someone like aventurine w his likely frequent FUAs on her team eating away the toughness bar from her so itd only really work against enemies who are quantum weak but not imaginary. but worth thinking abt still. at least herta n himeko will be a guaranteed PF synergy for him so thats hype
and most important of all: def mainstat with double crit we are so back. relics with double crit that half rolled into def we are so back. etc etc etc
#also i just rly fuckinf hope aventurines hat n glasses are a part of his model i s2g he looks so naked without them 😭😭😭#maybe make them toggleable or sth but also they didnt make jinglius so...#rambles#hsr#hsr leaks /
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pains me to admit because i actually like george. but oscar did much better managing his tyres than george did today. he definitely was not the worst at tyre management today.
hi yeah continuing the discussion abt the tyres im just watching the post race presser rn and lando said apparently mclaren expected colder weather so they set up the car for that & paid the price today. apparently he had to b super careful w the hards and bring them in so nicely & thats y charles got so close to him. considering all that like its no wonder oscar was struggling, it was tricky circumstances on top of a tricky track. and he didnt even do that badly! he held on to p4 pretty convincingly
but yeah re: george ive actually got no clue. i dont actually know what george's tyre management is like - i feel like its kind of an invisible driver skill where u dont rly notice it if u dont pay attention to the particular driver. and like w some drivers its more remarkable bc theyre rly good at it & the comms point it out or bc their teams use their tyre management skills to hope and pray for some rogue points (so many alex races like that... a bunch of ocon ones too). but most drivers ?? i couldnt tell u. so idk if george is particularly good or particularly bad at it and i also dont rly know what happened w his race today? from what i could work out he and lewis were in mercedes no-mans-land and then he pit for fastest lap? which considering the mercs lost no places i thought was fairly smart, but i genuinely dont even rmbr if he was ahead of or behind hamilton before he pit. did he pit bc his tyres were dead and not bc of the strategy? cos like even max was saying his hards were shit after 10-15 laps so.... who knows. weird
#anon#ask#when lando does well i forget to pay attention to the other 19 drivers lol#george#oscar#analysis#imola 2024
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6, 20, 28, 37, 69
omg sorry i didnt get to this for a couple days!!
6. What are you excited for?
right now i am really excited abt redoing our bedroom and living room!!! i just bought a lamp today that im gonna paint and make a lampshade for and i got rid of our dining chairs and im planning to make a bar cabinet (i saw one at an antique store that was like, vertical with shelves and a wine rack and places to hang wine glasses in, plus enclosed cabinets to put anything thats not as pretty and basically i think it would be very easy to copy if i could find a bookshelf or plant shelf for cheap for it)
20. Are you starting to realize anything?
lately i've been feeling a lot more confident at work and i think this past year has been about me realizing that im not actually putting off grad school i just genuinely dont want to go and i am much much happier decorating fancy cakes than i ever was in an academic setting + realizing this is actually the more stable and secure option..... reorienting my goals to focus on this career etc......
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
im wine drunk rn and my dumbass boyfriend is refusing to catch up w me so i am trying to make him.....
37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
i think i do if we mean love not as in romantic partnership but as in the way i love pumpkin bread and leather smell...... like i love the adorable old lady i talked to at a thrift shop the other day in the same way i love my coworkers puppy ive only seen pictures of..... but it is very real to me.......
69. Ever take dance lessons?
i actually did irish dance as a teenager lol. i was pretty good bcs i could do really high kicks w my loose hips but i stopped once i started having ankle and knee problems..... one of the older girls that went there had had two knee surgeries already bcs all the jumping is rly hard on ur joints.... that could have been me...... thank god!
love youuuuuuuuy ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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[parasocial bestie] IM UP IM UP IM UP GOOD EVENING BESTIEE actually i was awake a lot earlier but my body is like eh 5 more mins than my mind is so i napped that took more than an hour than i wanted cus i didnt catch my 20min alarm <///3 good thing no early classes 4 me to pull that out ew. 35K THOUGH LETS GOOOOOOOO YOU ARE SURPASSING UR LONGEST FIC ALSO 40K GOAL WHAT THE FUCK
crackles knuckles puts them in a sizzling pot and stirring um. if u need my input id prefer to not get my flow cut off even if its 40k tbfh but i can get why it can be too much that splitting it is needed BUT like,, you need a really good spot to cut it if you do so HMMM im gunna be fr if its about me then id have it stay as a oneshot, and ive seen oneshots that are 50k simply cus the author finds it fit than them being lazy to split it and its good not to cut the reading flow yknow. but for necessity of others reading it esp new readers etc etc it does sound more appropriate to split but with the wordcount you dont expect it to be two chapters it has to be a lil more T_T but there's always the "Entire Work" button on ao3's display so........
[honestly my final word is keeping it 40k oneshot LMAOOOOOO @other readers you WILL finish it in one sitting no matter how burning hot ur ass is]
GOOD MORNING BESTIE !!!!!!! :DDDDDDDDDD no bc napping is both the devil and my bestest friend ever it really do be like that i am SO glad you dont have morning classes thank fawk
40k goal !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i feel like. idk. like surely i cant write THAT much more. but i also have a lot unfinished. so like at Least 40k. kind of scared to see how far it goes but also rly excited to see how much i can do
and i definitely get that !!!!!! yeah no like. idk if something is written to be a twoshot there's generally a shift/tone change/planned part where it splits. so you expect and work with that interruption and it works SO well. but this was NOT intended to be a twoshot and evne though the once break place would work itd also interrupt a bit maybe ??? but its also a REALLY good place to break if i can get the chapter lengths more equal. if its a genuine halfway point itd be fine but rn its just in a really weird place and itd kinda suck so i have to wait and see :sob:
anyone else who is reading this be so fr with me. just Generally Speaking with Any Fic would you click on a 40k oneshot or would that be too much.
#parasocial bestie tag#SORRY IM LIKE REALLY REALLY BRAINDEAD CANT THINK OF MORE TO SAY EVEN THOUGH I RLY WANNA START A PROPER CONVERSATION/TALK TO U MORE :SOB:#i hope ur day goes well <3333333333333333
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some extra notes n answered questions !!
first off i wanna say; its ok to ask questions and i do very much welcome them when it comes to anything i make, but do keep in mind this is first and foremost just a character design thing i made up bc i wanted smth each islander has as their own but looks about the same and is easy to draw
i have put thought into this of course but u see, the funny thing is-- the charm not actually practical at all for a place like isla quesadilla . theres some small "just for the fun of it" perks (as any statistic/visualizer thingy does), but all in all it is just a simple visualizer that in reality does more harm for the islander (as in, u have the chance to literally lose ur knowledge to speak if u break it) than good
im someone whos super into the trope(?) of "everyone has an item that looks almost identical but is a visualizer to an attribute of the person, so its still unique and personal", bonus points if the item has dire consequences if u r irresponsible with it (like for example rn i just remembered the thingies they had in madoka magica, like those yknow) . oh and even more bonus points if each character has their own little way of wearing the item on their design to further show off their personality
so yeah i feel like i need to emphasize these charms r just a silly thing i made for the sake of character design and dont have much depth to them . also as someone who knows 4 languages fluently i just think itd be rly cute to be able to see how well i know my languages in a vial of liquid haha
and btw thank u very much for the response on this little headcanon !!!!! im glad u guys n the ppl on twt like it so much and r willing to incorporate it into ur own designs :.DD
ok now onto the questions finally:
>> my explanation on how non spanish/english languages work in the charm (they dont, for now) . plus some extra info
>> they glow in the dark !
>> they have to be visible
>> anyone is allowed to use this idea, so long they dont claim it as their own when asked
>> "i wanna drink the language liquid" okay so do u and ten million other ppl . "nothing is stopping me from drinking the language liquid" yes exactly feel free to its ur own free will . "whats the language liquid taste like" vai tomar no cu eu to tão porra de cansado a receber essa pergunta em todas fucking resposta- idunno it can be whatever u want it to be . its funnier just left vague
>> "what if i shake it around ?"
>> what happens if two ppl exchange, and some insight into the census bureau
as i mentioned feel free to ask more questions on twitter or in my askbox, im willing to come up with shit on the spot . i might update this srb if i get good questions
qsmp language charms !! a little headcanon of mine ive had since the start that i finally like enough to talk about
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misc little ramb about skssshbbq development hell‼️ (about developing the restaurant itself, plus sploo-khi and flipp things)
designing skssshbbq stuff is SO HARD. what do you MEAN i have to worldbuild. this SUCKS (its so fun but so much work.)
im fighting for my LIFE over here man. im so insistent on keeping sploo-khi's color palette plastered all over the restaurant and other related imagery because he's SUPER self absorbed and you know he'd do that and force people to think it looks good 😭 logo design is hard.
im value mapping my concept art rn! colors TO BE ADDED LATER... i have to plan out the colors now cuz if i dont all my skssshbbq art will be inconsistent and ill HATE myself for it LOL (but this also means i havent been able to make rendered pieces for it 💔💔) SOON HOPEFULLY!!
i worry that i draw flipp and sploo-khi too much together but i cant help it... theyre so fun to draw together!! but i feel like it goes against what the whole story is about! flipp does not have equal power to sploo-khi, and sploo-khi doesn't rly care abt flipp!!! so it feels like i'm making the conflict seem much more focused on mad employee vs boss rather than employee stuck and jaded by the system... but then i realize im overthinking this and no one will think that LOL. i love stories guys.
ah and. i've been worried about my depiction of sploo-khi. i've elaborated on it on his toyhouse page for now. eventually i'm gonna replace it with a theme which'll make these thoughts less visible, so i'm placing a screenie here for posterity.
OH AND. here's the end of my twitter ramble about it.
yeah sorry for the long post, but i feel like these are all important to mention. skssshbbq has a ton of complex topics anyway and i worry abt ppl misinterpreting me or me making a misstep somewhere <_< so i'm hesistant to share things abt it... well!! communication is important so tell me if that happens!!!
EDIT: okay i am less worried abt it bc i asked my friends abt this and they brought up some really interesting narrative points + things i didn't even think about. thanks guys!
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hi, i've been following for a while and i was reading your recent posts on what happened between you and someone else. first, sorry to hear you had to deal with that (you don't deserve it at all)! second, i'm also going through a similar situation, and i was hoping you could tell me what you think about it? tl;dr i've liked this person for a while and they feel the same, but they don't want to commit to anything yet. they said they want to talk more with me and told me they care about how i feel and making me happy, but recently they've been really distant and i'm not really sure why. i've tried talking about it with them but communicating with them is difficult since i usually get left on read often or don't get a response until later. just recently i asked if i could talk to them about something important regarding us. they gave me permission to, i told them about it, and i got left on read again; only to wake up in the morning and find them playing games with their friends. i still don't know their side of things but i feel really hurt, esp after they said they wanted to communicate more with me. but i also feel guilty about feeling hurt by this in the first place, and feel like i should continue to be more understanding about this. what do you think i should do?
im so sorry about that lovely, first of all i just wanna say your feelings are TOTALLY VALID and it's rly hurtful to have someone not put in the same effort of mending the relationship as you do. you should not feel guilty for being hurt bc it's a completely normal and natural reaction to being brushed off. plspls honor your emotions love bc they are important, you are not terrible for recognizing that you are hurt and telling someone how they hurt you. you have every right to feel how you feel.
im not sure if im good at giving advice so def take what i say with a grain of salt and think about how YOU would like to go abt things as well!!
from what you've told me i feel like you've been plenty understanding. just because someone doesnt want to commit, doesnt mean they're allowed to shed all human decency and decide when and how they want to communicate with you, esp when they said that they want to make you happy and keep talking to you. im firmly against the idea that we dont owe people anything- we do. especially if they explicitly said they wanted to keep talking and that they cared about you. if they like you and care about how you feel then i feel like they should at least try a little harder to communicate even if they're not so good at it ? you deserve someone who respects and reciprocates your time and effort, even if they're a little hesitant about getting into smt more serious. all you're doing is asking to talk, and that's the bare minimum. maybe they need time to think over their response so i suppose i'd give it a few days but if they dont reach out after a few days i'd def pop in and say something abt how them leaving you on seen made you feel and how you're viewing the situation as of rn and that you care abt this relationship and this person so talking things over is rly important to you! i would avoid any sort of accusatory statements and moreso focus on how you're feeling and how you would like to move forward bc i suppose you never know what someone is feeling or thinking. it's hard to find a healthy balance between being understanding but also honoring yourself, but i believe in you!! :') you seem like an amazing person and you don't deserve to be strung along.
tl;dr DONT FEEL GUILTY FOR FEELING HURT!!!! share how you feel, your perspective, and remember that relationships require effort from both sides! if you find yourself unable to get anywhere with this person, it's not worth it. you can't force someone to talk to you which is tough, but there are plenty of other people out there who DO actually care about you and they will put in the effort to actively show you so that you're not left questioning in the dark or always waiting on them.
#im so sorry that you're going through this !!!#and i dont even know if my advice is any good T-T#im so so sorry#💌 love letters.#ive been struggling w like .. not seeing myself as pure evil lately#n my advice might reflect that so likejdhgjg#I HOPE YOU FIGURE IT OUT THO LOVE :(#KEEP ME UPDATED???
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FINAL ATTEMPT AT PROPAGANDA BC I AM ABOUT TO CRY: FULL RUNDOWNS(OR ATTEMPTS) OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL SHIPS DYNAMICS AND THE FRIENDSHIPS INBETWEEN. BC J RLY DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO AND I AM ABOUT TO RESORT TO HATING STAR WARS WHICH DOES NOT FARE WELL FOR MY INDEPTH PNF STAR WARS AU UNIVERSE EXPANSION
ONE: CANDEREMY. THIS ONE IS LIKE. THE OPPOSITE OF A RAREPAIR UNFORTUNATELY BUT ITS THE ONLY ONE THATS REALLY "POPULAR" AND ITS STILL SO UNDERRATED AND MISINTERPRETED SO OFTEN I WANT TO ATTACK SOMEONE ABOUT IT. THEY ARE SO SWEET AND SO NEUROTIC AND NEITHER OF THEM RLY KNOW WHAT THEYRE DOING BUT THEYRE COMMUNICATING SO WELL AND DOING SO GOOD AND THEY R SO SOFT AND SWEET
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ALSO I THINK ITS VERY FUNNY THAT LIKE. W EVERY OTHER CHARACTER HES EITHER BESTIES W OR IMMEDIATELY CHILL. EXCEPT FOR VANESSA. THEIR ONLY CANON INTERACTION IS VANESSA FLIRTING WITH HIM, HIM NOT RLY GETTING IT, AND HER NOT CARING BC HE DOESN'T PLAY DARKER STUFF. WHICH LEADS OT THE FUNNIEST FUCKING DYNAMIC FOR A WHILE OF "NEITHER OF US ARE EVEN VAGUELY ATTRACTED TO EACH OTHER AND ESPECIALLY IN RETROSPECT IT WAS SO AWKWARD BUT WE'RE BOTH DATING CANDACE SO WE GOTTA FIGURE IT OUT SOONER OR LATE"
TWO: CANDACY. THE FRIENDS TO LOVERS DYNAMIC EVER. THE DEFINITION OF THAT ONE "SOMEONE IS PINING BUT RESIGNED TO NOT HAVING THEM ONLY FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO REALIZE "OH SHIT THIS IS ROMANTIC ATTRACTION"" ITS LIKE. THE DEFINITION OF THIS IMAGE
THEYVE BEEN BEST FRIENDS AS LONG AS THEY CAN REMEMBER THEY'VE HAD A MILLION STUPID JOKING FIGHTS BUT THEY NEVER FAIL TO FALL BACK INTO EACH OTHERS ARMS AT THE END THEY CARE SO FUCKIN MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER AND ARE REALLY FUNNY ABOUT SHOWING IT
REGARDLESS OF IF THEY'RE TECHNICALLY MEMBERS OF THE POLYCULE OR EVEN THE ONES SHE KNOWS, STACY CAN AND WILL DRAG THEM INTO ANYTHING. SHE PROBABLY DID A TWO PERSON SEVEN ACT PLAY W NEAL ONCE WHERE NEITHER OF THEM KNEW THE SCRIPT ITS THAT OR SECRET AGENT STUFF. THE ONE EXCEPTION TO THIS IS FRED, WHO DRAGS HER INTO MORE INSANE STUFF BECAUSE SHE DIDN'T WANT TO BE EMBARRASSED BY DOING IT ON HER OWN AND SHE WASN'T ASKING ANYONE SHE REALLY KNEW ONLY FOR STACY TO BE LIKE HER NEW BEST FRIEND. FRED PROBABLY RECORDS HER RAMBLINGS TO LISTEN TO AT NIGHT BOTH FOR WHITE NOISE TO HELP HER SLEEP AND SO SHE DOESN'T HURT STACY'S FEELINGS BY NOT REMEMBERING ANYTHING ITS VERY SWEET.
THREE: CANDESSA. FAIR WARNING I DO DESPISE FANON CANDESSA BUT I WILL KILL OVER CANON CANDESSA. SACRIFICED THEIR LIVES FOR ONE ANOTHER TWICE, ARE COSMIC PARALLELS IN A BOTH SONG AND ORIGINAL GOAL(WITH THE DISTINCTION OF VANESSA STOPPING MUCH FASTER), "IRONIC" LOVE OF THE SAME KIDS SHOW, WATCHING EACH OTHERS TASTE JUST CAUSE, THE OPPOSITE SIDES OF KNOWING BUT NOT REALLY KNOWING PERRY, AND THEIR SECOND DIMENSION SELVES HAVE SOMETHING™ GOING ON FR.
THIS REAL BASICALLY. ALSO VANESSAS IN BASICALLY THE SAME PLACE AS JEREMY WHERE LIKE. SHES COOL W EVERYONE BUT VERY AWKWARD W JEREMY AT FIRST. ALSO HER AND NEAL HAVE TEA MEETUPS WHERE THEY DESPERATELY TRY TO FIGURE OUT THE DR ZONE TIMELINE TOGETHER.
FOUR: STANESSA. THE FANON DYNAMIC EVER. THEY ARE IN SO MUCH SAPPHICNESS IT HURTS. HANDSHAKE EMOJI ON SO MANY LEVELS. 90% OF THE TIME THEY ARE JUST CHILLING AND CHATTING AND THE OTHER 10% THEY ARE FIGHTING FOR THEIR LIVES FEELING WISE. STACY THINKS VANESSA IS THE MOST COMPETENT PERSON ALIVE BECAUSE SHE CAN SHOOT A NON-PLUNGER HARPOON AND VANESSA THINKS STACY IS THE COOLEST PERSON ALIVE BECAUSE SHE DOESNT FIND THE SAW MOVIES TOO BRUTAL. THEY LEAN ON EACH OTHER BUT NEITHER OF THEM REALLY KNOW HOW TO STAND SO IT ONLY WORKS OUT SO WELL RIGHT AWAY BC OF THEIR ENVIRONMENT AND SUPPORT RLY BUT THEY GET THE HANG OF IT REALLY QUICKLY
OK ILL CONTINUE LATER BUT PLS PLS IM DISTRAUGHT RN
Rants!
Rochi: there are literally 19 fics for this ship, all but 3 written by the same person, and the characters have never even been mentioned in the same sentence, let alone met. neither of them have any lines, we don't know what one looks like and we only know he exists because of like 2 fact files you can find scattered around the game. but holy shit if the dynamic ive deluded myself into thinking they have isnt DELECTABLE
Duckylove: A HYPERSPECIFIC POLYCULE BETWEEN MOST OF THE TEENAGERS IN THE DWAMPYVERSE CAST. TECHNICALLY THE BASIS IS IN THE PHINEAS AND FERB CAST, WITH CANDACE DATING JEREMY, STACY, AND VANESSA, BUT IT COMPLICATES FROM THERE. I USUALLY HAVE STACY AND VANESSA DATING EACH OTHER, ALONG WITH STACY DATING COLTRANE AND VANESSA DATING MONTY. MONTY CAN ALSO BE DATING CARL IT DEPENDS. FROM THERE THERES THE MILO MURPHY'S LAW CAST, WITH SARA DATING CANDACE AND VANESSA, ALONG WITH NEAL. THE HAMSTER AND GRETEL CAST INCLUSION IS KEVIN DATING HIROMI, WHOS DATING STACY AND SARA AS WELL. FRED AND JENNY (AND A BUNCHA THE OTHER TEENS BUT LESS FULLY AS THESE TWO) ARE ALSO THERE BUT FRED AND JENNY ARE AROACE SO THEY JUST KINDA EXIST THERE.
Kesett: Ok so the ship started as something random @ironhoshi and @fettupwithyou came up with but then more people started to hear about it and it became an actual ship. The whole idea was because people realized Boba and Cal are about the same age and Boba is a bounty hunter and Cal is someone who would probably be wanted by a bunch of people
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