#bc he went no contact with our dad when he was. idk. like 12 years old. so... 2006?

[ajarofpickledtears]

tfw my sister is chill with our (half-)brother and also texting and whatever

meanwhile I regularly forget he exists, have no sibling connection to him at all, nor am I interest in it, and if I think of him I get upset lmao

[solar-halos]

i watched speak no evil w my brother and now i need to talk about it. not to make this about race but something that jumped out to me was that this movie would only work with the whitest fucking family you’ve ever seen. let’s start at the beginning

1) we did get there late so idk what purpose dunking on danish ppl served so let’s just skip to the part where they let their twelve year old daughter ride a scooter with a man they JUST met. if some white middle age man offered to let let me ride saddleback on his motorcycle my parents (or at least my dad) would be like hell to the mf no and then we wouldn’t be allowed near him or his wife or his son ever again

2) speaking of his son that’s another reason why the movie would be over before it started. that’s prob more of an immigrant thing though (or like a machismo thing) bc i don’t think i’ve ever been allowed to play with boys no matter how old we were

3) okay actually my mom would have been a little fooled by that british accent

4) oh my god if we went over to this family’s house and the hosts were like “you’re sleeping in the same room as our son! :)” my parents (probably both of them) would be like hell to the MF NO. and then we’d drive back home and go no contact

5) the lack of backbone killed meee. if for some reason we weren’t gone by then you know what would have done the trick? some unfamiliar man being our fucking babysitter. my dad would be PISSED. my mom would be like “a brown man? girl…”

6) the husband telling everyone to swim in their underwear? girl…

7) i’m kinda forgetting the other details so im officially done dunking on white ppl. no offense to agnes bc she was distressed but feigning her period while she was bleeding in the front was like ..?

8) OH WAIT. back to dunking on white people bc if my parents (even my mom!) found me in some family’s BED holy shit. they would not careee about that lady’s sob story they’d escalate shit so much that the hosts would just kill them right then and there

9) also that stuffed animal agnes had was sweet and i love the lengths her parents went for her but my dad would be like get the fuck OVER it girl. and then if i tried kicking the backseat well. haha. let’s just say thqt wouldn’t end well

10) okay but also if i showed my mom those pics i dont think she’d believe me no matter how weird these people were LOL. like she’d still try to leave but i dont think she’ll be like “omg you’re right!”

11) the cheating beat was what rlly did it for me. like if that were my family the movie would be over before it even started. like i was confused why the wife kept saying her man was angry bc he never even yelled at her and the closest he ever came to lashing out at agnes was trying to get her to stop kicking his seat

12) he rlly was so in love with patrick though i thought there’d be at least one kiss between them

13) why did ppl (read: men) in the theatre start BELLY LAUGHING when patrick kept kissing the wife? gross

14) dude. if we didn’t manage to escape once (even tho we def would have… no way would either my parents drive back for a stuffed toy) my parents defintely would have kept driving even if patrick did push their son (who wasn’t rlly his son… but im gonna keep calling him that bc i don’t remember his name) into the lake. like for me my mindset for scenarios like that is “oh well u don’t rlly know how you’d react until it happens to u” but i know EXACTLY how my mom would have reacted. she would have kept driving

15) i do love the wife though. i feel like they were trying to make her annoying but we all need people like her. the food throwing scene was so upsetting (im a sensitive baby) and the husband not having a backbone drove me crazy. actually the husband was pretty much useless even before he broke his leg

16) i hate that uppity “im not gonna stoop down to their level” mentality. patrick literally said he was gonna take ur 12 yr old child as a child bride and u didn’t end it??

[yesicanbelieveitsnotbutter]

what’s that? divorced mociet au for maximum angst? don’t mind if i do!

they meet in a local park, deceit probly says something like “Nature is so beautiful, it’s a shame man tries to own her” and patton is like “omg so deep take me”

they go on sum dates

patton dives head first into love and drags dee with him

pat wants to get married, dee is unsure, but want to make pat happy so he accepts

they adopt a 3 year old logan and 1 year old twins roman and remus

tensions rises as they have two distinct styles of parenting

a friend of patton gets pregent young and asks him to raise the baby (trans!remy for added angst maybe idk)

pat agrees without talking to dee

dee finds out and they have their 1st big fight

dee agrees to raise the babe but the tension has snapped and is poisening their relationship

lil babe virge joins the famILY

deceit goes “i’ve only know virgil for a hour but if anything happens to him i will kill everyone and then myself”

they divorce and there’s an ugly custody battle

dee: “you aren’t responble enough to raise children!!!”

pat: “my baaaaabbbiiiiieeeessss!!!”

Logan (5) and Roman (3) go with Patton

Remus (3) and Virgil (2) go with Deceit

Patton moves away to a new town and they break off contact

pat enrolls his sons in a K-12 school and they do really well

dee works long hours to support his sons

he puts remus in a public school, but remus doesn’t do well in school

he gets into fights and gets expelled

dee sends him to a new school

this happens alot

dee wants to keep remus and virge in the same school, so every time remus gets expelled, he moves both of them

they never stay in the same school for more than a year

this is very stressful for dee who eventually has to move around to keep up with remus’s school-switching

this is also super hard on virgil who never learns how to make friends

dee, who is always stressed and not always there, and remus, a fuck-up who couldn’t care less, become his contants

they move to a new town before virgil’s freshman year

virge and remus go to the local highschool

remus meets roman in their classes (surprise! they have ended up in the same town patton moved to earlier!!)

they don’t reconize either other (obv they were like 3)

remus chalenges roman to a fight durring lunch

virge is like “remus no” and remus is like “remus yes”

crowd gathers and roman wants to protect his pride

they fight and it gets bloody quick

roman’s older brother, logan (:O), comes rushing in and breaks it up

he reconizes remus and virge (he got good memory or sumn)

virge is like “WTF REMUS THIS IS WHY DAD HATES YOU”

and leaves

Logan is surprised pikachu face

the whole school is buzzing with gossip of new kids und log and rom

virge skips class and hides in the liberary

logan finds him after school

logan: “bro i’m like ur older bro” virge: “wth no way bro” logan: “no no i got this picture with both of our now single parents in it” virge: “fuck dude that’s sum pretty solid evidence”

virge opens up a bit to lo

they go to the dention room together but!! patton is there (gasp) and virge is like “omg i can’t let him see me” and lo is like “ur tots right, i won’t say a word”

pat and boys leave and virge goes into dention room

but remus is gone????

suprise bitch he went home early- virge learns thru dee’s “wth are u!!” phone call

dee and boys have dinner, which doesn’t happen often

dee: “im so sorry we can’t have this more often” remus: “whatever ur cooking stinks” virge: *internal panic* cantlethimfindoutcantlethimfindout

back to pat- he’s not angry, roman, just disapointed. fighting=bad

everyone goes to be tired and upset except remus, bc he’s a bastard (look i love him, but he is a bastard)

next day is school day

people whisper about virge and reem in the hallways, but he indimidates them with his Insane Looks TM

Roman “”””forgives””””” Remus when the meet and remus shrugs and insluts his non-existent mother

logan is there and calmly reminds roman not to retaliiate

things go okay for a few weeks

virge is loney, remus is bastard, roman is trying so hard to not punch him in the face, and logan is a nerd

virge needs lo’s nerd skills to pass a test

lo teaches him at the school

ro joins one of their study sessions

at 1st he’s rude to virge but then he reliezes virge is not a bastard like remus

they become friends, an lo and virge tell ro ~The famILY Seceret~

later ro begs virge to join Drama Club

virge is like “nuuu” ro is like “pleassss” virge is like “...ok fine.”

they are doing a play version of The Parent Trap

Ro and virge gets the role of the twins 

rem makes fun of virge for his growing interest in the-ay-tar, but dee’s happy he’s putting himself out there and making friends

logan finds the play ironic lol

pat is excite!! and support!! for roman and his starring role

but then!! lo ro and virge Relieze both parents will Be There and See their Sons or Each Other

remus shows up like an eavesdropping bitch and is like “lol what if we dedicated it to them lol it be funny”

“REMUS NO”

lo’s like “welp nothing we can do bout it now”

ro: “wait! what if u and remus took the other parent of the child on stage out of the theater so they only see their child!!”

lo: unrealilistic

virge panic tm

remus gives a ton of really bad ideas

everyone goes home with this big fat problem in their minds

remus starts dropping onimous hints about the play and dee is Concern

the day of the play comes

ro and virge decied that no matter what, the show must go on

they perform and do really well, breaking both their legs (jk)

(remus throws a tomato onto the stage at the climax lol)

after the show virge finds dee an ree in the crowd

dee is super quiet and looking around (he has the program in his hand)((the program with roman’s full name)) (((which would have patton’s last name)))((((u get it))))

virge panic pt 2, but remus saves the day (whaaa) by asking to go for icecream

dee agrees and they go for sum BR

BUT! ro lo and pat had the same idea!!

they’re in the same icecream parlor!

remus stiffs a laugh

dee cooly glances over to where the pat and boys are sitting before heading over to the country to order

virge quietly follows

lo notices them and nudges ro who abruptly stops talking and looks over at dee and boys, alerting pat of their prensence

flashes of grief on pat’s face

the table is quiet before ro awkwardly picks up the conversation where he left off

dee gets a table as far away from pat &co as possible

however, he looks up once and locks eyes with patton

both tables are quiet

dee breaks the eye contact and starts talking to his boys

patton smiles sadly at his icecream

“I thing we should go home kiddos.”

at home, lo explains everything

pat nods numbly and locks himself in his bedroom

logan comforts roman

at the ice cream, dee talks to virge and remus about the play until patton leave

“so do you know them?”

virge breaks down and admits everything

remus isn’t as much as a bastrad now

dee ods calmly and they eat ice cream in silence

they next day is saturday

virge stays in his room despite remus atempts to play 

remus also locks himself in his room

dee finds logan’s cell number in virgil’s backpack and calls him

surprisingly patton picks up

they talk for a while

they agree to keep the kids in the same school

“I miss you somethimes, dee.” a pause. “Your mistake.”

dee hangs up

he looks up to where virgil’s room is and sighs.

[maknaesdancersrappers]

july 21

hello. july 21 is a special day for me and you dont have to read this because its just me venting out my thoughts and emotions as long as i can without word/character limits on any platform.

july 21 is my maternal grandmother’s birthday. when i was born, my mom went abroad often and my dad had the regular 9 to 5 job plus extra hours for commute. so growing up with my sisters who are 5 and 7 years older, our grandparents and aunts took care of us.

im also more fond of my maternal grandmother since my paternal grandmother lived far away and we rarely ever get to see her (usually only during summers and once she stayed with us for awhile) until she passed away from Alzheimer's.

during the long hiatus i took early this year (late december to mid-march?), a lot has happened in my life. my health was put at risk because of the ash fall brought by the volcano eruption (january 12); i had allergies for weeks - i couldnt breathe properly, let alone sleep because of it. it was about to be the second year after graduating college and i have yet to get a job; the pressure from my family - and myself - was so unbearable that i caught myself slipping back to my very, very, very dark thoughts. and the worst thing that happened in those three months: my grandmother passed away. in filipino, grandmother is lola (loh-lah) and i’d like to use that for the rest of this post.

if you ask anyone in their neighborhood, any of our family friends, and relatives, everyone will tell you that her death was sudden. because everyone knows her as the sometimes-funny-sometimes-cranky old lady that owns the convenience store at the corner of the street. she was 96. she was 96 but she refused to get a wheelchair or use a walking stick even though her knees started to hurt after a few steps. she was 96 but didn’t need glasses to read most of the time. she was 96 but didn’t have any maintenance medication. ever since she reached her 90′s, she had gone to the town clinic at least twice because she fell over (from loss of balance) and busted her head. yet she would walk the next day like she doesnt have stitches on her scalp. she hated going to the doctor, she’d always claim that nothing hurts and the only thing she wanted the doctor to fix was her hearing (its as weak as how her eyesight is clear)

i wasnt the only one in the family that got severely affected by the ash fall. my lola also had trouble breathing because of it. she also went to the doctor for it and they only prescribed her antibiotics. please remember this info. this should be around early february

she got a little better but her voice was very hoarse from the phlegm. even before this, lola had little to no appetite and would only eat when someone else is eating (usually if it’s us, her granddaughters). and by little to no appetite, i mean her whole meal would be three spoonfuls of rice and one piece/chunk of whatever the main dish/ulam is. whenever we ask if she had eaten (even though we know she hadnt) she’d always claim that she already has (this eventually became a little joke in our family.) we took this sign as her dementia getting worse (although she was never really diagnosed with it, we had naturally assumed it because she would always repeatedly tell us stories that she insists happened even though some have been debunked and there were times she forgets our names if we havent visited in a while.)

after she gets better from the cough (idk the real diagnosis of it), her legs started to swell and because her routine had been reduced to being bedridden for most of the day, my aunts thought it was just poor circulation. it took two weeks before they brought her back to the town clinic and again, they just prescribed her with some medicine. everything after this is blurry to me until feb 21

my mom, being the eldest, made the decision to bring lola to the hospital. she’s, rightfully, unsatisfied with the town doctor’s diagnosis and prescriptions because lola is in so much pain and her legs were still swollen and its been weeks. i was with her in the emergency room while my mom and aunt did the paper work and the staff ran tests on lola. i’m contacting my sister who was in singapore and we’d video call to entertain lola since she was very adamant - and vocal - that she did not want to be admitted to the hospital bc she was “fine.” goSh she made so many hospital staff laugh because she would always announce whenever she had to fart. after like 2 hours, we move her into a ward and my mom tells me that i’ll have to stay overnight to watch over her. i was very apprehensive of this idea. i honestly did not want to. seeing her in pain was bad enough, but the fact we were in a room with other people and she was crying out loud made me really anxious but it was final. my mom, aunt, and uncle all went back home just to have dinner and they’ll come back since lola’s doctor would be coming by to give the results and for that hour they were gone? i lost it.

lola started talking/praying out loud, asking god why she was in so much pain, asking what she had done to deserve this; and i didn’t know what to do but hold her hand and kiss her head. i couldn’t even show her i was crying. when my mom got back, i told her i cant do it and she eventually convinced my other sister to join me, who cancelled her plans for the next day. that night, i did not and could not fall asleep. after a few hours, her doctor finally came by and dropped a bomb on us. he was kind enough to talk to my mom and aunt behind the curtains in the softest voice ever while i helped the nurse with lola, but i could hear him crystal clear.

cancer of the liver. 

they even momentarily walked back to lola to touch her stomach and stepped back out. i almost thought i misheard, but my mom and aunt’s expressions were too grim that it basically confirmed it. later on, my mom finally told me and explained that the antibiotics she had been taking weeks ago were too strong for her because of her lifestyle and diet. there were tumors in her liver and surgery wouldn’t do anything. i dont remember what i did aside from sketching on the journal i brought, but until i got home at 10am the next day, i did not sleep a wink.

feb 22. when i woke up at 2PM, i was told that they had lola discharged from the hospital. there was nothing we could do but try to ease the pain to the best of our abilities and wait. starting that day, i went over to lola’s house to help out with feeding her, giving her medicine, and just trying to keep her happy by randomly smiling at her when i see her looking around or dancing to no music.

feb 24. these were the early weeks of covid - ph hadn’t had a case yet, i believe, but travel restrictions were being implemented. my sister in singapore was doing everything to make sure she could come home because we don’t know when, but we know lola was leaving soon. of all the things our mom told her not to do, she cried at the entrance of the embassy and by the grace of god, someone took pity and listened to her (bc she was denied entry since she had a small cough) and she was able book a flight at midnight and be home in 4 hours. that afternoon, when i arrived at lola’s house, that was the very first time i stood at the doorway to greet her like i usually did and she didn’t smile. not even the corners of her lips moved. she was in that much pain that she couldn’t even greet me back like she always did, which was to smile and nod her head. that night, we all decided to sleepover there (with the exception of my dad since he had to feed our dogs at home). i take my usual seat in the living room and i notice a white dress that i remember (from photos) being lola’s 50th anniversary wedding gown and without being told, i know it was what she was going to wear for the very last time.

feb 25. being notoriously a late sleeper, i was about to go to sleep at 2AM when i hear lola groaning and whining out loud. when i checked her, her stubborn lil ass was trying to get out of bed alone!!! so i obviously panic and try to wake up anyone by exclaiming that lola had to go to the bathroom - she’s been wearing adult diapers for weeks now but refuses to go in them and is adamant about bringing her to the bathroom so she could relieve herself - so me, and the same aunt and uncle from the hospital, assisted her into this modified chair so she could pee and the only thing i could do was hold her hand, like always. after that, my uncle said he’d watch over her and lie down beside her on the bed so in case she needs to go again, he can take care of it himself. after falling asleep, i heard a few hours later that my sister from SG arrived. when i woke up later on, my sisters and i presented ourselves to lola bc its been so long since she last saw us complete, and this time she was able to give us a small nod of acknowledgement. i realized that none of my uncles and aunts went to work that day, thinking it was just so we could be complete since my sister was home. but then i overhear them making plans to have a priest come over for the sacrament of anointing of the sick - which based on my last and only experience (my grandfather/lolo), this must be the day. during the session, a few of my aunts and an uncle cried. my sisters cried, too, but i forced myself not to. when the priest left, i don’t know how long, but suddenly, she was gone. i didn’t know how to react. this was the second time i’ve seen someone pass away before my very eyes. everyone was crying out for forgiveness, kissing lola’s head, but i couldn’t move one bit. i was finally crying, but i couldn’t move at all.

3 days. from learning about the real problem with lola, it only took 3 days for it to take her away from us. not even a week, or a month. the only bright side to this was that she’s finally relieved of all the pain that’s been causing her suffering. 3 days of knowing her time was very, very short, but it was still a shock when she finally left. 

for the longest time, lola’s goal was to reach the age of 100 because apparently our government will reward her with 100,000 pesos (like 2k usd) for doing so. she wanted to reach 100 because she wanted to leave us with some inheritance haha. and everyone believed she could do it. no one doubted her. until this happened. maybe its just me, but i feel foolish... completely stupid and ignorant for knowing deep down in my heart that she would reach 100 that losing her 3 years prior her goal hurt me more than ever. 

it’s been 5 months but remembering her death still makes me cry. i have dreams (and you all know im a lucid dreamer) where she’s still alive and we’re talking about how she beat cancer at 96 in just a few months, but then i’ll remember that she didn’t and the dream in front of me just shatters and i’ll wake up empty and crying. i have never felt so much regret after she passed bc all she wanted was to see me graduate and it was up to me to show her that i got my first job and give her a portion of my first salary, but i couldn’t even do that. i waited too long and now its too late. her ideal type for me was a rich atenean boy who could drive 😂 and i still couldn’t give her that bc im so anti-men. there was a time i was so scared to go back to lola’s house bc she called me out during dinner - “baket ka malungkot/why are you sad?” - when all i was doing was browsing through my phone, scarily enough going through another “episode”, and the last person i’d ever want to know about my possible depression was her. of all my suicidal episodes, i’ve always resolved them by thinking of her - that i will continue living because i wanted to see her smile. because i wanted to see her happy.

i miss her so much. i wish i had been a better granddaughter to her. the small things i’ve done for her were never enough. in the past 5 months, i’ve only dreamt about her twice (actually being with her) and both times made the day so hard to function. i havent moved on and i dont know if im the only one. i dont know if i’ll ever move on. she would have been 97 today. whenever she forgets my name, i’ll tell her i have the same birthday as her and she’ll remember me. she’ll say “ahhh rosean! july 10!”

if someone read through this, im sorry you had to go through that mess. but thank you for hearing me out. no, i’ll thank you the way my lola would thank people, verbatim:

thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.

[and-i-uh]

6? 22? Any other number you wanted to answer?

6- i dont have any stim toys, ive never really delved into that stuff, i was never really given the chance to explore stuff that would help me out with stimming and such. I also dont think i would like stim toys? Maybe i just have to try some but idk.

22- idk any specific songs i stim to. But ive stimmed while listening to mcr, and honestly i just stim to alot of the general songs i listen to. I really like singing along, i think thats a stim of mine, and some songs just listening to them is like stimming (anything with drums and/or guitars)

2- i like blankets a lot. Even if im hot and dont really need one, ill subconsciously grab the blanket on the couch and put it on my lap, and on my bed. There was one day i grabbed a pocket-sized beanie baby and put itin my hoodie pocket, and just knowing it was there made me happy. Also when i was with my friends one of them stuck their hands in my pocket and i panicked and like moved it out of their reach bc i was scared to get made fun of lol, it ended up being fine. I sleep with stuffed animals a lot. I think thats it

3- my school experiences were,,, not fun at all. Theres a lot to unpack there. My schools all had this thing called a “504 plan” or whatever. And it’s supposed to help people with certain disorders/disabilities. Mine only acknowledged my adhd as far as i know. Maybe my anxiety too. Some of the things that were supposed to ‘help’ were moving me to the front of the room, i got extended time to complete stuff (supposedly), extended time on certain tests (which i only saw on the act, literally i got no other extended time to do anything else. And after i got extended time on the act my scores shot up. Imagine the potential if i was given my actual extended time shit) and the meetings were hell. They started to have meetings with me in middle school, sixth grade i think. Having an administrator there, and my parents, and at least one teacher was terrifying to me. I think i cried every meeting. Honestly it felt like an interrogation to me, esp with all the damn eye contact and shit. My dad asked me if i wanted to continue it this year and i was immediately like fuck no nuh uh not happening. And whether or not I actually needed to be in the front of the room depended on the class, teacher, the people in there, but a lot of the time i would just be moved to the front and i would hate it. In eighth grade my math teacher moved me from the back of the room (a favorite seat in that class) to the front of the room in the middle of class for like a week. It was honestly humiliating and the only time i was eventually able to express my opinion on the 504 shit. Actually my freshman math teacher did that too. Ahaha moving on now before this gets too long.

4/5- three negative and positive things about being autistic.

Pros-

(1) i dont really have a chance to not have a hobby. Ive always got an interest to keep me entertained and i like that.

(2) stimming is nice, i like it, im not afraid to let myself stim. Makes me feel better.

(3) im unique and shit. I have a different pov than other people and that allows me to have different ways of thinking. I think outside the box ig. I also have this weird version of confidence and objectivity that I appreciate in myself

Cons-

(1) its hard to feel like i belong somewhere, bc im so different. Im getting better at it but im not good at getting close to people.

(2) i also like,, dont have certain permanence? Like object permanence? A lot of the time i dont really miss things/people unless im somewhere that reminds me of them. Idk if it’s negative really but its something,, even a spin, like bts, i dont really miss them that much until i do. Theyre still very important to me but yeah

(3) people dont really get me the same way other people get other people. And its hard for me to explain it to people. And theres certain people i get more than others. Its weird.

7- people need to give autistics a chance to be heard. Apply the accommodations you “give” them. Dont put them in the spotlight and give them space when needed. We are what you might call “picky” too. Eating, learning, socializing, we have our own things we need to be able to do shit. Learn them. Let us stim. Encourage us to learn about ourselves and remind us that youre there for us. But dont try to help us unless we ask or we actually need help. Dont trigger meltdowns on purpose, stop using the r word even in passing like its not a big deal. Be more than aware of us, accept us, appreciate us. Dont be a bystander.

8- i dont have much experience with meltdowns? I think? If i have i didnt have chances to recover. I had to go back to class or something. Idk how to recognize them in me either.

10- showering. Thats a big thing that even though i kinda need i forget to do. Except during school. I had a whole routine in the morning and i was super punctual. If i didnt shower i would be late, miss the bus, forget something.

12- meat. The way it feels. Disgusting. How do people eat it and not feel like dying? Same with lettuce. Spinach is fine but every time i try to eat lettuce I almost throw up. Bell peppers, pickles, vinegar, mayo, eggs usually, cheese sometimes. Just off the top of my head. One time i tried putting lettuce on my burger, was feeling adventurous, and after biting down i had to just take the lettuce off. Another time, my stepmom (newly married to my dad) made slads for us, and i was skeptical. There was white stuff all over the salad and she wouldnt tell me what it was. I tried eating a little carrot stick thing and almost vomited. Thats when she learned I cannot eat mayo. Even if idk that its mayo i still cant fuckin eat it. She forced me to eat bell peppers one time. Didnt go well at all. At all.

(Not gonna do the spin one bc ive already talked about them and if i do again itll be too long)

15- yes! I only do big stuff(?)(like yelling n shit) when im completely alone. Like if im home alone. Bc i get so loud. Sometimes ill hum in my room or sing to myself in my room though. Its so fun. As for phrases i repeat, ill repeat anything i find interesting. In a movie or song, or even something a friend said. One time my mom said the phrase “tough titty said the kitty but the milks still good” and i went around the kitchen repeating it until she got annoyed. Also sometimes something in the room will have a constant sound and ill like think a phrase to that sound repeatedly. Idk how to explain it lol. Idk if thats echolalia either

16- rocks. Typical i know, collecting rocks. But i just cant help it. I see a rock i like, i pick it up, take it home. I used to collect sticks. And when i was in elementary school, i used to pick shit up off the playground. Beer bottle caps was a favorite. Apparently the school called my mom about it bc they found my stash and thought it was from home and my parents were drinking excessively. 😬 oops

18- introverted?

19- kinda depends. Idk. I really cant tell wow. I would probably say hypersensitive. Just cause i have a ton of sensory issues and a lot of stuff bothers me. Like types of clothes. And how things are resting on my body. Yeah i guess i am hypersensitive.

20- i used to struggle with self love a lot. And sometimes i still kinda do. But in the past few years ive really started appreciating myself and trying to learn a lot about myself. Its going well id say.

21- empathy. Hmm. I think im very empathetic, actually. I can always tell when someone is feeling uncomfortable in a situation. And when i should tell people to back off of them if they wont say it themselves. And im very uncomfortable when theres secondhand embarrassment. And bullying, in something im watching or reading. Yknow, I actually cant watch mean girls. I just. I tried, i had to walk away bc I couldn’t take it. It also kinda triggers me so theres that. Bc of the bullying. But yeah im very empathetic. Otherwise socially im not good at that.

23- nope. Ive got like no support system other than tumblr and online friends. Apparently my dad refused to acknowledge im autistic and hes my favorite parent. Thats his big flaw though. And if i “came out” to him and said it myself he would probably come around. I know hes not completely nt either. My Opa has ocd, so nuerodiversity runs in the family ig.

While making this i got distracted and went on insta for like an hour oops lol

24- steampunk cosplay? Or college dorm tips? The steampunk one was freshman year, and the college dorm one was fifth grade. It lasted well into sixth grade and seventh grade.

[naturallytom]

Ok I don’t know where to begin to explain this but my Best friend that I’ve been friends w for 12 years got grounded in like the middle of November for having bad grades and her dad called me and told me to “not contact her anymore so she can focus on her studies”. Her parents are really wack and took her phone away for like a month but she got it back during Christmas and we’ve been low key texted since then. Yesterday we decided to meet up at the library but it turned out to be closed so(1/?)

we went to a farther library which was also closed so then we just went to the Starbucks near it and studied. Like we didn’t goof off or barely even talk to each other but it was so nice to just be in each other’s presence bc we haven’t seen each other in months. Unfortunately, her dad tracks her phone and called her and she said we were together(bc the place wasn’t walking distance so she said I drove which I did) and he was extremely mad. Before I dropped her off she told me about how he (2/?)

wants her to get new friends and stuff. Before I thought it was just him cutting her off from the world (terrible I know) but it turns out it was mostly directed at me? We agreed that she would text me when she knew he wouldn’t take her phone but she never did so I think he did end up taking it. I’m really scared for her and also really pissed because what the actual fuck. Aside from the fact that this is wildly inappropriate because she turns 18 in like a week and we are basically adults (3/?)

the facts that her dad thinks I’m the reason she’s doing poorly in school? Like I’m a good student? And a good person? And we were just studying in each other’s presence?? Ugh I know this sounds so wild and I’m sry to bombard u with this lol. I just don’t know what to do bc I didn’t realize it was directed only at me and also wtf yk? Like I know it would probably take time and it’s not my place to do anything, but part of me wants to call/ talk to her dad in person and be like I’m not the (4/?)

reason ur daughter in doing bad in school and I’m not a bad influence and I can’t choice who she hangs out with because she’s a whole adult. I just don’t know what to do bc idk if she’s ok and I haven’t heard from her and we don’t go to the same school so I have no was of seeing her. Im just super worried for her and me and our friendship and idk what to do (5/5)

First of all,,,you are absolutely right, that’s completely inappropriate of her dad to do and it’s not fair of him to blame you and not talk to you about it. Your frustration is completely valid and I don’t blame you for being irritated at all.

Second of all, your worry is completely valid as well!! I would definitely say that if and only if you feel comfortable, you could call and be respectful and ask why you’re being blamed for this, but if you’re not comfortable, don’t do it. And honestly- you could send her a letter in the mail!! or if she still has access to a computer, you could email her if you know it!!

[dong-hyucks]

Dating Luhan Would Include...

Admin: Jade Masterlists

ye im trying to get this stuff out asap

sleep? idk her also just a warning it took 2k+ to get to the actual dating part so be prepared for a lengthy one

okay so basically, you got a job as one of lu’s personal stylists

you were the only child of one of his managers which helped you get the job

but the other stylists didn’t like that

they thought you just got the job solely bc of your parent

which was wrong-- you had loads of experience with styling of all kinds

the other stylists, bitter, would either ignore you or ‘tease’ you

a lot

though, they’d make sure to not do it in front of your dad

and they tried with lu, but he ended up catching them

considering he sees you all every day

and the fact that he isn’t cold hearted

lu really didn’t like that

but every time he would confront them about it, they’d deny his accusations and act innocent

after like a month of this happening

lu, and you respectively, had enough

though, you’ve had enough the moment they started

anywhoodle

lu legitimately had them fired

all five of them

aka

his entire stylist crew (besides you)

when you came to work and were told ‘oh hey, the other stylists don’t work here anymore, you’re going to be on your own for a few days.’

you had no idea how to react

and lu could tell because he started chuckling while you were doing his hair

“is something funny?”

“your continuous confused look”

“hUh”

then he told you that the other stylists were fired

which you already knew

but when you asked why, he fibbed a bit

said ‘they weren’t doing their jobs properly’

when in reality they were all relatively good stylists

so you knew he was lying right away

that and because the tips of his ears turned red

you didn’t want to say anything

just in case you got fired too lmao

for the next few days, you were lu’s only stylist

it was okay generally, but when he had a major appearance onstage it was a bit of a hassle

that happened like five days after the rest were fired

at that point, you and lu had begun talking more than before

while you styled him, you’d talk about whatever topic that came to mind

to anyone else, it looked like you guys had been friends for years

when in reality you had only known each other for little over a month

bAcK to The StORy

he was scheduled to have a stage performance at 12:00

it was 11:55

and he wAsNt reADy

so you were freaking out, rushing around trying to get your makeup pallets and hair gel, etc.

luckily he was already changed so you didn’t have to worry about that

but his face and hair was bare (not that it matters he’s a viSuAL--)

he was so amused, watching you scramble about

despite his amusement, he was extra sure to be helpful to you, seeing how stressed you were

he stayed completely still and tilted his head when you asked

when he’d usually mess with you for a bit before complying

now he was just listening in silence, knowing you were not in the mood for a conversation

after you had messed around with his hair using the gel and his makeup was done

you went to fix his outfit

you kept your eyes down as you inspected lu’s clothes

your hands would reach out every now and them to make small touch ups or to smooth over the fabric

your parent / lu’s manager was yelling out the time left, which was two minutes

so you worked faster

once you were done, you stepped back to admire your work aNd make sure everything was in place

in the midst of your work, you didn’t notice the lopsided grin he wore

which hugely complimented the clothes you had chosen for him

he honestly thought it was cute, seeing you so engaged in your work

“time to go!” his manager/your parent called out, ushering lu away from you

after his performance, lu couldn't find you

which was odd, since he usually met with you afterwards

when he asked his manager where you went, they snickered

but told him anyway“[Y/N] went outside for a bit-- got a call from their friend.”

lu nodded and stayed put, not wanting to pry in on your conversation

tho, when fifteen minutes passed he was b o r e d

so he decided, why not, and went out to find you

it didn't take long before he could hear you

making his way outside, lu poked his head out the door

he could see you, leaning against a brick wall with your phone to your ear

you were smiling so widely as you spoke

lu was kind of just wide eyed

a part of him wanted to stay outside to see why you were smiling like that

but the other part of him knew that that’d be invading your privacy so he went back inside

as he walked off, he found himself thinking of that smile of yours

he was so confused as to why he was thinking of it

it was weird

he kind of wanted to be the one to make you smile so brightly

the moment he thought that he literally walked into a wall

which also happened to be the moment you walked in

he met eyes with you, face flushing at the fact that you were laughing

“glad to know my pain is amusing for you.”

“it always is,” you joked, walking passed him, patting his shoulder as you passed

lu followed in silence, face still warm as he walked

while the two of you walked in silence, he noticed you wore a troubled expression

right before you were about to enter the waiting room, he stopped you, gently turning you around

“is something on your mind?”

“what?”

“you’re thinking about something and you’re thinking about it hard. is something up?” he raised a brow

you were blank faced for a moment before you let out a nervous chuckle

“well,,, i was going to wait until i could talk to my-- your manager, bUt,,,” you shrugged hesitantly, “i wanted to ask for time off tomorrow.”

“tomorrow? as in, when i have an important interview?”

you shook your head fervently, correcting yourself. “no, no, i’ll be here to get you ready but i have somewhere i need to be a few hours after it”

lu nodded in understanding before ushering you back in to ask

tHe nExt DaY (smooth transition, i know)

you actually managed to get lu ready long before his interview

so you all had time to kill

lu was playing some game on his phone and you were just cleaning up your supplies

suddenly, you got another call -- this time, a video call

lu found himself looking up as you answered it, a small smile instantly making its way onto your face

lu, being a lil shit, decided it’d be fun to do some random stuff in the bg while you talked with whomever

so, he basically crouched past with some weird expression

“oh. my. gosh. [Y/N] is that...”

“what?”

you turned around and made eye contact with him, just as he was pulling another weird face

there was a silence -- not including the freaking out your friend was doing -- before you burst into laughter

lu, though slightly embarrassed, followed after

“you’re luhan!” your friend gushed, gaining his attention “omL i love you--”

same

lu smiled before kindly making his way off camera to give you and your friend some privacy

at least, he tried to anyway

your friend very ‘subtly’ whispered to you, “[Y/N], please, let me get an autograph oR meet him i bEg Of YoU”

you took one glance at him before hanging up the call

not long after your phone blew up with messages from your friend

‘i’ll try, okay [Friend] chILL’

shoving your phone into your pocket you narrowed your eyes at lu

he thought you were glaring so he clumsily pulled out his phone and attempted to look like he was on it the entire time 

“very subtle, lu.”

“thanks, i try.”

you scrunched up your nose, contemplating on whether or not you’d really try to get some sort of fan service for your friend

without thinking, you blurted out the first thing you could think of

“let’s make a deal.”

lu looked up, intrigued.

meanwhile, you were internally freaking out

because you didn’t even mean to blurt that out

raising a brow almost impatiently, lu looked at you with a small smile indicating his mirth

“let’s go out--” you stopped yourself, wanting to hit your head against a door, “wait -- no, i worded that wrong--”

while you fumbled over yourself, lu leaned back against the sofa, covering his face as he laughed

“i saw an arcade on our way here. whoever wins three games first wins and --”

you didn’t even get to finish before lu interrupted

“okay,” he agreed, leaning back as far as he could, “you have a deal. if i lose, i’ll go with you, meet your friend.” 

he smirked, “but, if i win, you owe me a favour.”

he looked up at you, curiosity shining generously in his dark chocolate hues

a small, contented smile graced his features, blossoming over his cheeks like a carnation in its peak -- beautiful in all its glory

you blinked, thinking over his proposition

with a sigh, you held out your hand

“deal.”

within the hour, your parent was driving you guys to the arcade, clearly amused at your ‘bet’

“wear these,” they said, pointing to the pile of masks and caps on the middle console that they had handy just in case, “even in a dark arcade, someone could recognize you and those people will assume things.”

you were basically clinging to the car door, shocked that you were about to mess around in an arcade with lu han

when you arrived, you wobbled out of the vehicle, fully equipped with a mask and a cap even tho you arent at all famous and no one would know who you are

lu was in similar attire

“let’s go over here,” lu suggested, pulling you by the wrist once you entered the arcade

your face and body in general got really warm, your eyes trained on his hand

he was completely oblivious to your internal freaking out, his eyes facing forward

when he stopped walking, you were in front of a giant set up

“it’s like a racing / snowboarding simulator,” lu explained, stepping onto the platform “whoever gets to the bottom first wins.”

you nodded, stepping onto the platform opposite of him

it was snowboarding, how hard could it be?

you were very wrong

lu beat you in a mere two minutes, when the average time was at least five minutes

“i play this sometimes with my friends,” lu explained with a cocky grin not that you could see it

you narrowed your eyes, “you’re playing dirty,” you accused, though you weren’t really annoyed.

without a word, you hopped off the platform and took lu’s hand, just as he had with you, and pulled him in a random direction

oh, how the tables have turned

now you were unaware of the flustered expression lu wore

you brought him to a shooting game, one you had played a few times before with your cousins and friends

while you were playing, lu kept sneaking glances at you, which distracted him from actually shooting anything

he thought it was cute, how excited and into the game you were

like ten minutes later, you were victorious

lu just accepted it, because there was no way on earth in which he’d admit that he lost because he thought you were acting cute

since we’ve reached the 2k mark, imma be really blunt until the actual dating part

oops

basically you spent the next hour playing a bunch of games

and, whoopdido, he won three games before you

you were kind of bummed out bc you could tell your friend seriously wanted to meet him

but, a deal was a deal so you took it

“before we go,” lu randomly began, “let’s go to the claw machines.”

a part of you got super excited bc you haven’t used a claw machine in forever

when you got there, your eyes landed on a vv cute plush

tho, tbh, you absolutely sucked at the claw machine

lu noticed right away which plush caught your attention and inserted a coin into it

you watched in aWe as he got it first try

wow what a god

“here,” he practically threw the thing in your face

“let’s go,” he said, not even waiting for you to catch the plush

you bounded after him, looking down at your watch

“what time are you meeting your friend?” he asked, watching traffic pass by

“in an hour or so.”

“then, let’s go get some dinner before then.”

you didn’t say anything and merely followed as he brought you to some lowkey café (i have an addiction to adding cafés into my bulleted stuff)

at this point i got distracted by everyong for like half an hour oops

by the time you were sat down in an almost empty café

there was like 45 min until you were going to meet up with your friend

you spent like five whole minutes trying to figure out how you were going to say ‘oops couldn’t get anything from lu han for you lol’

when you looked up, you noticed lu was just looking at you, resting his chin on his palm

“what’re you staring at?”

“you.”

no shit bro

you rolled your eyes, looking down at the small menu the café had out on every table

“you’re interesting.”

i beg your pardon, you thought

“usually, people are practically dying in my presence. you’re quite calm though,” he tilted his head. “you know, i think i like you.”

luckily, you weren’t drinking anything, because if you were you would’ve done a spit take

“w h a t ?”

lu merely smiled before asking what you wanted, as if he hadn’t just told you that he likes you

you just spat out the first thing you saw, which happened to be a carrot cake or smth

if you dont like carrot cake feel free to subsitute

you ate in silence both kind of unsure of what to say

you were still speechless over lu’s sudden confession

and lu was beating himself up for being so blunt

when you finished, lu was back to looking at you

you subtly wiped at your face, just in case you had somehow gotten food all over it

“do you really?” you asked, deciding that the situation couldn’t go that downhill. “like me, i mean.”

“... yeah.”

“okay.”

you almost choked -- who says ‘okay’ in this situation?

lu, on the other hand, was chuckling. “’okay’” he teased

you stuck your tongue out, leaning back in your chair

there was a pregnant pause before lu cleared his throat

“honestly, what -- what are your feelings for me? other than ‘okay,’“

you stared down at the table, biting your lip as you glued together words

“i-- i like you too, lu.”

in the back the cashier was lowkey eavesdropping

lu’s face broke into a smile, as he looked down to hide his growing grin

“that’s good.”

he looked down at his watch, standing up “then, let’s go.”

“what?”

“your friend wanted to meet me right? so, let’s go.”

“but,,,, i lost our bet.” // “you did, so you owe me a favour.” he grinned back at you, “but, i’m going to be a nice boyfriend and go with you anyway.”

“boyfriend?!”

lu merely laughed, grabbing your wrist for the umpteenth time and hauling you out of the café

somewhere along the way, you found yourself shifting your hand and interlacing your fingers with his -- a silent confirmation.

wOw that only took 2.7k to get to the legit point of this post

smh me

so, dates with lu don’t come often, but when they do they’re amazing

he’s always making sure that you’re comfortable, so they’re usually not in public places just in case ppl recognize him

the last thing he’d want was for you to get mobbed by fans

a lot of your dates are late at night, whether they be walks, dinner at your/his house, movie nights, etc.

he’s so sweet too

like he’s very open with his feelings for you (not completely, the world has no idea of your relationship yet)

any of your coworkers can tell that you’re dating

but no one says anything bc they know that they could get fired if lu so pleased

he wouldnt tho, unless given reason

anyway

the few times that your dates are public

lu will do the weirdest things to make sure you don’t get recognized/seen

if he spots anyone with a camera he straight up kisses your cheek

which works bc the person usually turns away

generally

he’s just so sweet during your dates

and otherwise, ofc

but he’s also still lu, playful and such

snowball fights in the winter are a regular thing

moving on

kissing

honhonhon i regret

your first kiss with lu was spontaneous

you were at the arcade again, on one of your late night dates

a few other people were in the arcade, but not near you guys

you were playing the shooting game again, something that became tradition for the two of you and--

“hey, [Y/N]?”

“yeah?”

you took one look at him and suddenly his lips were on yours in a soft, gentle kiss

your hands froze on the plastic trigger, your eyes wide

before you could even do anything, lu pulled away with mirth shining in his eyes

“i won.”

you whipped your head toward the screen, and lo and behold, the infamous ‘YOU DIED’ screen was showing

“lu,,, you little shit”

“you love me”

“sadly”

kisses with lu, in general, have like three settings

the first being quick pecks, when the two of you are in a rush

whenever he has to go onstage, he’s sure to give you a quick kiss, whether it be on the lips, cheeks, forehead, etc.

he really likes kissing you

the second are slow and sentimental

these usually happen during your lazier dates

like you could be watching a movie on the couch and suddenly your kissing no further than tHat

he’d be so sweet during these times, his hand automatically cupping your face and his other tracing circles on your hip, leaving trails of goosebumps

the third,,,

oh dear

are a bit rough in a sense

these are rare, but they will happen without warning

usually when he gets jealous or you push his buttons too much

they’re messy kisses, but he puts his all into them and it’s very obvious

i’m blushing now so that’s as far as we’re going w that

MOVING ON

fights with lu don’t come often

he hates fighting with you and vice versa

but sometimes the two of you just get really stressed at end up lashing out at each other

this usually ends in the two of you giving each other the silent treatment

which is so difficult considering you’re one of his stylists

the main one, at that

the other stylists, newly hired, get so awkward whenever you guys fight

because there’s this giant tension between the two of you and none of them know what to do or say

however, you can only ignore each other for so long

it’s very divided between who cracks first

sometimes lu does

sometimes you do

sometimes you both just end up apologizing at the same time

either way, you both talk everything out

and make sure that no stone is left unturned

he’d probably really like honesty in a relationship, so it’d be very important to be open with one another (as it is in every relationship)

these fights end with cuddling, most of the time

in which he brings you as close to his body as possible

and wraps his arm around your waist

he’d love it if you wrap your arms around his torso and play with the ends of his hair

speaking of

if you play with his hair, he is putty in your hands

he even only lets you do his hair professionally

“lu, please, the rest of the stylists--”

“no, only you.”

“you c h i l d istg--”

but you love him

on the topic

your first ‘ily’ came about a month into your relationship

during that time, lu was on tour

and right before a concert, you came down with a seriously bad flu

so you had to stay at the hotel

lu called you before the concert, nervous

“lu, you’ll do great”

“but what if i mess up--”

he was so nervous, despite having done stages so many times in his life

to him, it was odd, not having you there

you had become his rock

he also loved performing knowing you were backstage rooting him on

“lu, hun, you’ll do great. and i know you have to go up now considering it’s two minutes to your stage. i believe in you!”

he was still shaken, but he knew you were right. “alright, bye. make sure to drink your medicine, alright?”

“okay~ i love you, bye.”

you hung up

only then did you realize what you had just said

which lead to you rolling around on your hotel bed, screaming into your pillow

meanwhile, lu was staring into space, his phone still to his ear

had he heard you right?

“lu! you’re up, let’s go.”

he looked over at one of his managers, nodding before putting his phone away

he then did his entire stage with a huge smile on his face

this is almost as long as my regular scenarios

so imma just stop here

anywho, a relationship with lu would be heaven

he’d treat you like royalty, because in his mind you deserve the best

so in all

he would cherish you, and when the time comes, he’d brag about your wonderfulness whenever he could

he really would love you, and hopefully you’d do the same

:)

is it obvious who my ot12!exo bias is this was so close to getting to 4k im

[sleepinglightt]

All

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My boy toy 
2. Are you outgoing or shy?I’m outgoing with most people, I’m only shy around people I️ think are cute 
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?My dad!! I️ get to see him on Christmas break :))
4. Are you easy to get along with?I️ think so? I’m really nice to pretty much everyone unless you’ve fucked me over or you’re not nice to me
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?Yeah 
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?Taking gender out of the equation, I’m attracted to people that have kind hearts and interesting personalities 
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?I️ hope so 
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?My boy toy 
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Not really 
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?My best friend 
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?It’s literally just laughing emojis 
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?Playboy shit- blackbear Up in this- blackbear U- h.e.r. (BIG MOOD) Ivy- frank ocean Verbatim- blackbear 
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?YES 
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?I️ believe in miracles, but I️ don’t really believe in luck 
15. What good thing happened this summer?Lots of good things happened this summer, but a lot of bad things also happened 
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?Yeah 
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?Yeah, and I️ hope I’m right and I️ hope they’re nice to us if they ever come here 
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?Nope 
19. Do you like bubble baths?Yes yes yes 
20. Do you like your neighbors?My neighbors are old and kinda weird but they’re nice 
21. What are you bad habits?I️ bite my nails and I️ pick at my cuticles 🙃
22. Where would you like to travel?I️ kinda wanna go to like Iceland or something?? I️ think that would be kinda cool 
23. Do you have trust issues?Yeah, especially with men 
24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Going to sleep at night bc then I️ don’t have to deal with anyone or anything 
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?All of it lmao 
26. What do you do when you wake up?I️ normally just try to go back to sleep but then I️ realize I️ have to go to school and I️ cry internally 
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I️ like it the way it is I️ guess idk 
28. Who are you most comfortable around?Probably my best friend 
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Yeah
30. Do you ever want to get married?Yeah, one day I️ wanna get married and everything even though it kinda scares me 
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail?My hair is so long that when I️ put it in a high ponytail it still goes to my shoulders
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Missy peregrym and Ellen page, final answer. 
33. Spell your name with your chin.Ao c (my name is Alex but that’s what ya get I️ guess) 
34. Do you play sports? What sports?I️ used to play softball, volleyball, and basketball but I️ quit a few years ago 
35. Would you rather live without TV or music?I’d rather live without TV 
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?Yup 
37. What do you say during awkward silences?I️ normally make a stupid joke, and then instantly regret it 
38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Let’s not go here lmao 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?I️ like to shop at thrift stores, zumiez, and target I️ guess? 
40. What do you want to do after high school?I️ just wanna be happy 🤷🏻‍♀️
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?Yes, I️ honestly give 3rd, 4th, and 5th chances bc apparently I️ love being walked over 🙃
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?It means I️ either don’t like you or I’m really sad and I️ have a lot on my mind 
43. Do you smile at strangers?I️ always smile when I️ make eye contact 
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Outer space 
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Food
46. What are you paranoid about?Literally everything, I’m not even over exaggerating 
47. Have you ever been high?Nope 
48. Have you ever been drunk?Nope
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Not really 
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?It was tie dye rainbow
51. Ever wished you were someone else?All the time 
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?There’s a few things, but the main one is not being able to stand up for myself and not speaking my mind 
53. Favourite makeup brand?I️ really love Anastasia Beverly Hills 
54. Favourite store?Target 
55. Favourite blog?Ummmm idk 
56. Favourite colour?Either yellow or dark green 
57. Favourite food? NOODLES 
58. Last thing you ate?I️ had hot Cheetos 
59. First thing you ate this morning?I️ had a donut this morning 
60. Ever won a competition? For what?I️ won a bunch of softball tournaments back in the day, does that count? 
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope
62. Been arrested? For what?Nope
63. Ever been in love? Yup yup yup 
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?I was literally like 12 and it was with a boy in a church parking lot and we went out to his dads car and he kissed me and our front teeth hit together it was “romantic” 
65. Are you hungry right now?Nope
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?I️ don’t have very many tumblr friends ://
67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter 
68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now?Nope
70. Names of your bestfriends? Briann, briann, and briann 
71. Craving something? What?Affection
72. What colour are your towels?They’re multicolored 
72. How many pillows do you sleep with?I️ sleep with literally no pillows. I️ know, I’m weird 
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?I️ sleep with 1, don’t judge
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Probably like 15-20?
75. Favourite animal?Dogs
76. What colour is your underwear?Burgundy
77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Strawberry
79. What colour shirt are you wearing?Dark blue
80. What colour pants?They’re pajama pants and they have lil dogs on them, super cute
81. Favourite tv show?The x files
82. Favourite movie?THE NEW SAW MOVIE IM OBSESSED 
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?mean girls
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?Mean girls bc I’ve never seen 21 jump street 
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Gretchen bc I️ really relate to her 
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Dory 
87. First person you talked to today?My boy toy 
88. Last person you talked to today?The day isn’t over yet
89. Name a person you hate?I️ don’t say his name bc he doesn’t deserve my time 
90. Name a person you love?I️ love a lot of people
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Not really? 
92. In a fight with someone?Nope
93. How many sweatpants do you have?I️ only have like 1 pair 
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?I️ have like 10
95. Last movie you watched?Jigsaw
96. Favourite actress?Ellen page
97. Favourite actor?Ryan Reynolds? 
98. Do you tan a lot?Nope
99. Have any pets?I️ have a dog
100. How are you feeling?Kinda sad, but it’s okay 
101. Do you type fast?Yeah 
102. Do you regret anything from your past?I️ regret A LOT of things
103. Can you spell well?I️m a decent speller
104. Do you miss anyone from your past?Yeah :/
105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yes
106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Unfortunately 
107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yeah 
108. What should you be doing?I️ don’t have anything to do 
109. Is something irritating you right now?Yeah 🙃
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?YES
111. Do you have trust issues?I️ have a lot, especially with men and I️ answered this already 
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I️ haven’t cried in front of anyone in a long time
113. What was your childhood nickname?In softball they called me my last name but idk if that counts. I️ also got call “ghost” and “skeleton” bc kids are dickheads
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yup :)
115. Do you play the Wii?I️ used to, but my wii broke 
116. Are you listening to music right now?Nope
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?Yes
118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes
119. Favourite book?Looking for Alaska (yeah I’m basic) 
120. Are you afraid of the dark?Not really, I️ just get really paranoid
121. Are you mean?I️ can be, only when you get on my bad side though 
122. Is cheating ever okay?Nope
123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Nope
124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Nope
125. Do you believe in true love?Yeah 
126. Are you currently bored?Yeah :/
127. What makes you happy?Coffee and cold weather
128. Would you change your name?Nope
129. What your zodiac sign?Gemini
130. Do you like subway?Not really 
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Like them back apparently bc that’s what happened lmao 
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Didn’t I️ already answer this??
133. Favourite lyrics right now?“Fuck on ur bitch like I’m Hefner” 
134. Can you count to one million?Probably not
135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I️ don’t even remember honestly 
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?Open, I’m not allowed to have my doors closed but it freaks me out and gives me anxiety 
137. How tall are you?5’6
138. Curly or Straight hair?I️ have straight hair but I️ prefer curly hair bc it’s really pretty 
139. Brunette or Blonde?I️ have a thing for brunettes not even gonna lie
140. Summer or Winter?Winter
141. Night or Day?Night 
142. Favourite month?December
143. Are you a vegetarian?I’m trying to be 
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?I️t doesn’t matter, it’s all great 
145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee
146. Was today a good day?Kinda? 
147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers
148. What’s your favourite quote?I️ don’t really have one
149. Do you believe in ghosts?Yeah
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? There are no books near me at the moment

[paracosmdreaming]

Rules: Answer these 85 82 statements and tag 20 people

I was tagged by @haoushoku (I finally got around to doing one!!! Sorry grandmother, please forgive me.)

Tagging: @laolabear , @unproductivepeanut , @sakuratunes , @sharksheye , @simling , @moonlissfox , @cascadestars , @pfudorqueen

No pressure to do it if you don’t want to. Just something I haven’t done in a long time ^ u ^

The last:

1. Drink: water (Trynna drink a little healther -- even though I drank that water at 5AM with half a can of pringles . ___ . )

2. Phone call: :OOOO I think my dad???

3. Text message: boyfriend (tHAT’S RIGHT FOLKS, I MANAGED TO GET A DECENT GUY TO LIKE ME :DDDDDDD HAHAHA.)

4. Song you listened to: “Let Me Go” - Hailee Steinfeld & Alesso ft. Florida Georgia Line & watt

5. Time you cried: Sunday!!! lol I was arguing and couldn’t find the words I wanted to say and started crying cuz I’m a baby 

Have you ever:

6. Dated someone twice: No.

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No.

8. Been cheated on: No.

9. Lost someone special: No.

10. Been depressed: Yes.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No.

3 Favorite Colors:

12. Pink

13. White

14. Blue

In the last year, have you:

15. made new friends: Yes.

16. fallen out of love: No.

17. laughed until you cried: Yes.

18. found out someone was talking about you: LOLLLLL Yes but I kinda had it coming.

19. met someone who changed you: Yes.

20. found out who your friends are: Uh...?? Yes? I guess?

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Yes.

General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them!

23. Do you have any pets: No :((

24. Do you want to change your name: Not really, No. I can do lots of cool things with my name (especially bc of how it’s translated in Chinese lol).

25. What did you do for your last birthday: Went out with my boyfriend to eat ramen and had cake with my family.

26. What time did you wake up: 8AM today :((

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Community LOL (I slept at 5AM. Not a good idea.)

28. Name something you can’t wait for: SCHOOL TO BE OVER ALREADY. BREAK ARRIVE.

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: This morning! She drove me to the bus stop, bless her heart,

30. What are you listening to right now: My professor try to pronounce the names of planets lol. He’s trying very hard. He’s a geology major not an astronomy teacher and this is a geology class teaching astronomy for some reason???

31. Have you ever talked to a person named tom: Yes.

32. Something that is getting on your nerves: When I don’t understand something. It’ll be on my mind the whollllllllleeeeeeee day until I understand it.

33. Most visited website: facebook

34. Hair color: black with golden peek-a-boo highlights.

35. Long or short hair: Long? I think?

36. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes. And I’m lucky enough to be dating him lol 

37. What do you like about yourself: I can walk very fast. :DD

38. Piercings: Earlobes.

39. Blood type: Idk but my mom says O? But based on those Punnett Square thingies, I should be B I think.

40. Nickname: Don’t really have one...?

41. Relationship: In a relationship.

42. Zodiac: Chinese: Tiger ; Astrological: Gemini

43. Pronouns: She/Her

44. Favorite TV show: tie b/w Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Leverage (The Good Place is also really good too omg...)

45. Tattoos: No.

46. Right or left handed: Right.

47. Surgery: No,

48. Sport: I walk very fast... :DDD

49. Vacation: I really want to visit Japan!

50. Pair of trainers: No.

More general:

51. Eating: Well I’m GOING to eat the udon noodles I brought today while I wait in the hallways for my next class lollll

52. Drinking: Water.

53. I’m about to: do a lab about planets.

54. Waiting for: the class to be over so I can eat my udon noodles.

55. Want: Money. Desperately. Bc my university apparently made a mistake and my financial aid was rescinded -.-

56. Get married: Maybe.

57. Career: Wanted to be a teacher. Realized I was bad at teaching. Switching to HR Management which I will probably suck at too, but at least I won’t feel bad for sucking at teaching to adults (since I don’t think I’ll have to spell everything out for them??? Hopefully???) 

Which do you prefer:

58. Hugs or kisses: Hugs!!

59. Lips or eyes: Eyes. Lol one of my friends has a super pretty eye color and I have to force myself to stop telling her that every time.

60. Shorter or taller: Taller. I’m already 5′1″ so like... Yeah. Taller.

61. Older or younger: Older.

62. Nice arms or nice stomach: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I have a thing for both.

63. Hookup or relationship: Relationship.

64. Troublemaker or hesitant: Hesitant. AF. 

Have you ever (Pt 2):

65. Kissed a stranger: No.

66. Drank hard liquor: Uh... Yes but like, only a sip??

67. Lost glasses or contact lenses: Yes. I had a pair of glasses get run over by a car, and another pair got crushed by a pair of skis -.-

68. Turned someone down: Yes.

69. Sex on the first date: No.

70. Had your heart broken: No.

71. Been arrested: No.

72. Cried when someone died: No.

73. Fallen for a friend: Yes.

Do you believe in:

74. yourself: I try to.

75. miracles: Yes (miracle I’ve made it this far in life tbh. TY).

76. love at first sight: No. I do believe in lust at first sight though!

77. santa claus: No.

78. kiss on first date: Yes.

79. angels: Sure.

Other:

80. Eye color: Dark brown.

81. Favorite movie: mmmmm... the Taiwanese movie “Our Times”. Super sweet, I loved it. You can watch it English Subbed on Youtube! !

82. Current best friend’s name: Laura (I bother her all the time to talk about my relationship issues, my change in major, and watering her plant Noodles that I’m trying very hard not to kill.)

I tried to look for the missing statements, but there’s still 3 missing.

[bubblegumbi-tch]

GET TO KNOW ME!

I was tagged by the lovely @otsukaresope thank you!(and yes, I copied and pasted yours and changed my answers too)

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. (lol you know i’m not tagging that many people)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Mango Juice 2. Phone call: My dad 3. Text message: My dad again 4. Song you listened to: There Was A Rapper by Dizraeli & the Small Gods 5. Time you cried: looooord I have no idea, I cry all the time.. i think it was like two or three days ago..

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: No 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: No 8. Been cheated on: Not that I know of 9. Lost someone special: Hasn’t everyone? 10. Been depressed: I guess 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Yes, only once, I learned my lesson.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12. Blue or any variation on it 13. Yellow/Orange 14. Very dark pink/red/purple kinda colour if you know what I mean

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: Yes, surprisingly 16. Fallen out of love: lol i’ve never even been IN love 17. Laughed until you cried: Probably yeah, i used to do it a lot more than i do now though sadly 18. Found out someone was talking about you: I found out a guy wouldn’t shut up about me because he liked me if that counts.. 19. Met someone who changed you: I don’t think so, no 20. Found out who your friends are: I already knew who my friends are 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yes

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them I’m pretty sure 23. Do you have any pets: Omg, yes! I have two cats, a dog, two budgies, a bearded dragon, a tortoise and two chickens! 24. Do you want to change your name: When I was little me and my best friend went through a phase of wanting to change our names, but of course we never did. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: My family all came to see me and then my parents took me out for a meal in the evening. 26. What time did you wake up: Ugh 7am to pack up from camping and come home, it’s the earliest I’ve been up in ages! 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Messaging my friends and trying to sleep. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Hixtape of course and also to get my flipping uni accommodation confirmation so I can start planning my room! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: About 30 seconds ago, she’s in the kitchen 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I was more confident and sociable (I’m a lot better than I used to be but it’s still something I’m working on!) 31. What are you listening to right now: Nothing, although I’ve been recently rediscovering Yoongi’s mixtape, specifically The Last... It’s making me emo af. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah I know of so many Tom’s 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: My menopausal mother (sorry mum) and my over helpful, dithering grandmother (put them both together like now and i want to take a long walk off a short pier)  34. Most visited website: I guess here or youtube

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: A few like flat big freckle ones but none that i would really call moles because they aren’t raised?? How do you even know what’s a mole and what isn’t? 36. Mark/s: oh man my knees are basically made of childhood scars, I also have a big scar on my arm from when i broke it, and various other tiny scars across my body, and a few bits of discolouration on my back from when i got sunburned really badly once 37. Chilhood dream: I wanted to be a vet 38. Hair color: My natural hair colour is like a light mousey brown, but at the moment it’s henna red 39. Long or short hair: uhh short i guess, it’s in a bob that’s grown out a lil 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Not really 41. What do you like about yourself: I like my long, naturally curled eyelashes, and that I am quite an accepting person (at least i like to think i am) 42. Piercings: One in each ear, and my nose 43. Blood type: I have no idea, i tried to find this out before i went to korea as they believe the blood type=personality traits thing, but it seems to be actually quite hard to find out if you don’t already know.. 44. Nickname: Meg, v occasionally Meggie or (if you’re my mother and trying to annoy me) Meggie Moo 45. Relationship status: Single 46. Zodiac: Aries 47. Pronouns: she/her 48. Favorite TV show: Gosh I don’t know anymore, I don’t watch as much tv as i used to. I recently finished binging Skins (uk) though because i never got into it when i was a teenager 49. Tattoos: No, but i would like to get one one day 50. Right or left hand: left handed! (fun fact a lady i used to work with told me this is a sign of the devil and looked at me reproachfully lol) 51. Surgery: No cosmetic surgery, but i broke my arm pretty badly when i was 9 and had to have two surgeries to fix it and i still have a numb section down my right arm to this day from nerve damage! 52. Hair dyed in different colors: I have only ever dyed it red/coppery either with henna or proper dye 53. Sport: man i am the least sporty person you will ever meet! I was pretty good a hockey in school though and i enjoyed tennis and badminton too. 54. There’s no question here so fun fact: I currently have diamond shaped sunburn patches all down my arms from a lace-up armed top i was wearing yesterday, i’m such a fool. 55. Vacation: I would literally love to go anywhere and everywhere in the world, but right now I’m kinda feeling either Hawai’i (blame bts) or Florida 56. Pair of trainers: Do converse count as trainers? Because I live in my converse.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Nothing Right now, but i need to go make myself some lunch.       58. Drinking: Again nothing, someone get me some tea!

59. I’m about to: Go say hi to my grandma who has just turned up, then maybe go over to my dad’s and watch game of thrones with him 60. No question here either so another fun fact: I have hypermobility in some of my limbs, just like Jin does (his wiggly fingers) so my knees bend backwards (i think Jin’s knees do this too actually), which freaks some people out! The downside is apparently it’s awful for my joints, I’m such an old lady! 61. Waiting for: My uni accommodation! 62. Want: So many things, love, money, a job, MY UNI ACCOMMODATION 63. Get married: Eh, maybe if the right person comes along, although i think it will be v different from a traditional type of wedding eg i hate how traditionally the bride is given from man to man and takes the husbands name, I would like to mash our names together to make a cool new name for us both... idk i guess i would just have a more feminist/egalitarian version of a marriage/wedding if i get married. 64. Career: Uuugh I don’t even have a job at the moment, and i doubt i will even when i finish my degree lol oh the hopelessness of adulthood

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: Hugs 66. Lips or eyes: Both?? I guess lips if i HAD to choose. 67. Shorter or taller: It doesn’t make a difference to me bc im short as hell anyway so anyone i date it always gonna be taller than me no matter how short they are... 68. Older or younger: i would prefer older but i guess so long as it’s not too much younger i wouldn’t mind so long as they are mentally mature enough. 69. No question here: Then you’re gonna get no answer. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms i guess 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationship preferably, but all i ever seem to get are hook-ups! 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: ��I guess troublemaker so long as it’s not damaging

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: Yes 75. Drank hard liquour: Yes 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: I lost a pair of sunglasses recently.. 77. Turned someone down: Yes 78. Sex in the first date: I haven’t actually properly dated anyone in ages.. 79. Broken someone’s heart: Not that i know of 80. Had your heart broken: Yes, but not by a romantic partner, just a best friend, they can do that too unfortunately.. 81. Been arrested: No although apparently i once when i was 16 i got blackout drunk and started hammering on a police car door (with the policemen inside) and they had to get out and tell my friends to take me home or they would arrest me (im so goddamn embarrassed about that)  82. Cried when someone died: Of course, who doesn’t? 83. Fallen for a friend: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: i have nothing else to believe in so, YES 85. Miracles: I don’t think so 86. Love at first sight: Again, I don’t think so 87. Santa Claus: Of course, what are you saying?!?!?! 88. Kiss in the first date: Yeah why not if i like them enough 89. Angels: No

OTHER: 90. Current best friend’s name: I don’t think i have just one, but i guess my oldest friend and friends i se the most are Jenny and Hannah 91. Eyecolor: Green/blue/turquoise, it depends on the light (yes im THAT white girl, fight me it’s a thing) 92. Favorite movie: Ah man i couldn’t tell you i just don’t know sorry!

Tagging: @aw-yeah-jimin @grandpa-yoongi @sopehope @seoulsistersopi and i guess anyone else that wants to do it!

[tenpioca]

get to know me tag !!

RULES: ANSWER THESE 92 (THERE’S 88 BUT) STATEMENTS AND TAG 20 PEOPLE.

i was tagged by @jaeminsanae 

jaeminsanae: ilysm marry me please???

me: why marry me i’m lame af :^) also i think there’s a law against underage and overage people marrying, but i can be like a mom... or older sister! i’ve already got @mochamark​ as my kid.

i tag my homies @stormae (love of my life), @nctreacting (the best flo, the only flo who matters), @yourjaehyun (we haven’t talked in so long !!), @fruitlatte (honey ily2), @mochamark (HONEY I LOVE YOU!), @teeyongs, @caliboyjaeffrey​, @koreankollection (both admins), @hiyuta, and @suhsexual.

THE LAST:

1. DRINK: water (woah how exciting !)

2. PHONE CALL: my mom

3. TEXT MESSAGE: (lmao it’s so boring) “mhmm” 

4. SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Breakaway by George Ezra

5. THE TIME YOU CRIED: today while watching Class lmao.

HAVE YOU:

6. DATED SOMEONE TWICE: no.

7. KISSED SOMEONE AND REGRETTED IT: no.

8. BEEN CHEATED ON: no.

9. LOST SOMEONE SPECIAL: yeah, in both death and reality.

10. BEEN DEPRESSED: i don’t think so.

11. GOTTEN DRUNK AND THROWN UP: nah, man. throwing up is for losers. 

TOP 3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. soft blue

13. pastel pink

14. emerald green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. MADE NEW FRIENDS: yeah! since i started my job in october i’ve made a lot of friends irl and also on this blog as well. :^)

16. FALLEN OUT OF LOVE: mm, no!

17. LAUGHED UNTIL YOU CRIED: yeah, ahaha we went to iHop after going to an anime convention and our friend, tiyah, just... cracked us up the whole time. her humor is very random so you never knew what would happen next.

18. FOUND OUT SOMEONE WAS TALKING ABOUT YOU: all it ever is, is gossip at work. this one lady thought i was someone else and told the cashiers not to talk to me. but now she loves me and i love her. 

19. MET SOMEONE WHO CHANGED YOU: uhhhhhh???

20. FOUND OUT WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE: since i graduated last year you can really see who sticks around and who doesn’t.

21. KISSED SOMEONE ON YOUR FACEBOOK LIST: no.

GENERAL

22. HOW MANY OF YOUR FACEBOOK FRIENDS DO YOU KNOW IN REAL LIFE: 70, so all of them.

23. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS: i have two puppers named sunny day and penny lane, an axolotl named maisie, a giant fish tank full of fish plus my brothers beta, we used to have a chameleon named jerry seinfeld but he passed as well as a bearded dragon named drago that my dad had to give away because he was hard to care for. and then two other dogs maggie and zoe who passed a few years ago. 

24. DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE YOUR NAME: i’ve struggled with liking my name over the years, but no i wouldn’t. if i had to, i’d probably go with elliot.

25. WHAT DID YOU DO FOR YOU LAST BIRTHDAY: i went out of town with my best friend. we went to a fancy restaurant and walked around a mall before going back to my house watching VIXX videos until it was dinner and we had vermicelli from a vietnamese restaurant and then cookie cake.

26. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP: 9:30 AM

27. WHAT WERE YOU DOING AT MIDNIGHT LAST NIGHT: sleeping, yesterday was a hard day so i went straight to sleep.

28. NAME SOMETHING YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR: this friday i’m going downtown for a concert!

29. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR MOM: last night before i went to bed.

30. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU WISH YOU COULD CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE: how terribly i hate change.

31. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW: my fan (ok now that i realize the silence VIXX) 32. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO A PERSON NAMED TOM: no, but i know of tom holland. 33. SOMETHING THAT IS GETTING ON YOUR NERVES: a lot of things do but,,, uhhh my brain is drawing a blank at what they are.

LOST QUESTIONS

34. MOLE(S): i have one on my neck i think?? it looks more like a freckle but it’s raised.

35. MARK(S): i have a strawberry patch birthmark on my right forearm. i always get asked if it’s a scab or marker...

36. CHILDHOOD DREAM: uhm, teacher i think?

37. HAIR COLOR: dark brown hair, but i want to strip the color and go blonde tbh (bc i bleached it a few weeks back...)

38. LONG OR SHORT HAIR: short-ish, it reaches my shoulders... i need a haircut man.

39. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON SOMEONE: uh @stormae​ tbh (but like, platonically?? a platonic wife, can you have that?) ;^)

40. WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF: my sarcasm, writing, my full lips and uh, my hair (sometimes).

41. PIERCINGS: nose piercing and double ear piercings.

42. BLOODTYPE: A+ (so if you guys ever find me bleeding out, you know my blood)

43. NICKNAME(S): ash, ash ketchum, ashbae, and a lot of other ones regarding my last name.

44. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single and redy to die.

45. ZODIAC: taurus !

46. PRONOUNS: she/her

47. FAVORITE TV SHOW: orphan black and steven universe

48. TATTOOS: i have one on my left arm that i got a week ago of an astronaut in space with the lyrics “don’t you be afraid if you start floating away” ! another to come to match.

49. RIGHT OR LEFT HAND: right

50. SURGERY: i’ve only really had oral surgery so, two root canals, four extractions and another root canal to come (´;︵;`)

51. HAIR DYED A DIFFERENT COLOR: i used to dye my hair all the time. aquamarine, pink, slightly red, blonde, purple, and green.

52. SPORT: uhhh, does sleeping count?

53. VACATION: i’m going downtown this friday?? and then... not much else.

54. PAIR OF TRAINERS: i have some Nike’s.

MORE GENERAL

55. EATING: i’m gonna eat domino’s soon.

56. DRINKING: my saliva 

57. I’M ABOUT TO: lay down in my bed and scroll through tumblr. hopefully motivation to write comes back soon.

58. WAITING FOR: my motivation.

59. WANT: to hang out with my best friend and drink boba tea.

60. GET MARRIED: do you need to? i can officiate! legally too.

61. CAREER: god who fucking knows. atm i want to be a published author lmao!!

62. HUGS OR KISSES: hugs.

63. LIPS OR EYES: eyes.

64. SHORTER OR TALLER: same height or taller.

65. OLDER OR YOUNGER: honestly, i prefer the same age but older ig.

66. NICE ARMS OR NICE STOMACH: arms !!

67. SENSITIVE OR LOUD: depends, bc both can be troublesome.

68. HOOK UP OR RELATIONSHIP: relationship.

69. TROUBLEMAKER OR HESITANT: depends too, bc hesitant can be annoying and troublemaker doesn’t always mean lawfully !

HAVE YOUR EVER:

70. KISSED A STRANGER: no.

71. DRANK HARD LIQUOR: yah.

72. LOST GLASSES/CONTACT LENSES: lmao all the time !!

73. TURNED SOMEONE DOWN: actually did today :^)))))))

74. SEX ON THE FIRST DATE: oh, woah woah. that’s no, no, boy. no, no, no.

75. BROKEN SOMEONE’S HEART: i don’t think so.

76. HAD YOUR HEART BROKEN: probably.

77. BEEN ARRESTED: nah bro.

78. CRIED WHEN SOMEONE DIED: yeah, although i hate showing my tears.

79. FALLEN FOR A FRIEND: how’d ya know ???

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. YOURSELF: meh

81. MIRACLES: ig

82. LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT: ahahahahahah no.

83. SANTA CLAUS: nah bro

84. KISS ON THE FIRST DATE: idk man, you do you as long as the other person is cool with it.

85. ANGELS: i don’t know, religiously im really confused. 

86. CURRENT BEST FRIENDS NAME(S): burg, nest and drake.

OTHER

87. EYECOLOR: hazel.

88. FAVORITE MOVIE: moulin rouge and this thailand movie i can never remember the name of...

[lunarmoonacnh]

i was tagged by the amazing @unhugme

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: diet coke

2. Phone call: my mum

3. Text message: my best friend telling him goodnight 

4. Song you listened to: Michael Jackson - Pretty Young Thing bc it was on the radio 

5. Time you cried: like last night or the night before coz it was 2am and life

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: ive barely even dated someone once lmao

7. Been cheated on: yup...

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: no i dont think so

9. Lost someone special: yes, my great grandpa

10. Been depressed: yes, im currently seeing a therapist 

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes! every time i drink unless its wine, for some reason wine doesnt make me sick. i think its because i once totally over did it on spirits and cider so not they just taste like the time i almost died and my body cant take it

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. grey

13. mint green

14. blush pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes, i started college so i made new irl friends because of that and i have also mad new internet friends through this blog 

16. Fallen out of love: kinda, depends how you look at it. i didnt know i had fallen out of love until the relationship had ended and i didnt feel as sad as i thought i would

17. Laughed until you cried: always, when i’m with my friends all i do is cry laugh 

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes, it happens a lot, sometimes negative and sometimes positive 

19. Met someone who changed you: yes, for good and bad. 

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes, once i left school i knew who my real friends are because they are the ones who kept in touch and the ones who didnt do other things that they knew would hurt me

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yess

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most, i dont know them all personally but i know of them all, no strangers for me

23. Do you have any pets: not at my house but we are getting our little puppy Sully in 14 days. i do have a cat and a dog at my dads house but i very rarely go visit 

24. Do you want to change your name: no, i used to want to when i was a kid because i used to get bullied because i had a ‘boys’ name (Billie) but now i like it because its unique  

25. What did you do for your last birthday: met my friends that i met on the internet that are now irl friends for a meal and to go shopping. we went for pizza and bowling and then shopping before they had to leave again:(

26. What time did you wake up: usually between 8am and 9am without an alarm 

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was actually sleeping for once if not i was watching youtube videos

28. Name something you cannot wait for: to get my puppy and to meet up with and have a party with my internet/irl friends again in summer

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: like 15 minuets ago befroe i came upstairs to do this

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could control my anxiety and depression or even not have it at all. i also wish my dad would pay me more attention and want to see me more because i miss him and its almost like he forgets i was his first kind before he mt his new wife

31. What are you listening to right now: the 1975

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i mean i have a cousin name Thomas? but never someone just called Tom without it being shortened 

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: life? no but like the fact that im not allowing myself to do the things i want to do out of pure fear

34. Most visited website: Tumblr of course... it is never off my browser 

35. Elementary: ive honestly never wanted to go back to a time in my life more than i want to go back to elementary/primary school 

36. High School: no thanks to that. i wish i could have been one of the people that called it the best years of their lives not 5 years of asshole bullying me 

37. College/university: im commenting on this as England college (16-18 year olds) and ive just dropped out of one part (sixth from) where i was taking 3 subjects Media studies and Film studies which i loved and will miss and Psychology wich i did love but wont miss because i couldnt do it and it made my anxiety sky rocket. in september i start a makeup course and i am so excieted to be a qualified makeup artist this time next year

38. Hair colour: mousy brown

39. Long or short hair: long, like almost to my butt long (yes its natural)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes, but i could never pursue it bc he is my friend and i wouldnt want to ruin that. ive made that mistake with my ex.

41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes. they are grey and kinda ombre like they hae a really dark ring on the outside and they get lighter closer to my pupil

42. Piercings: yes, my first and second lobes on both ears, my helix and forward helix on my left ear. half way up my ear and my rook on my right ear and then my nose 

43. Blood type: i have no idea, do people actually know this?

44. Nickname: Bil and B although i dont like B (pronounced like Bee) but its what my cousins have called my since i was really small so it doesnt bother me that much with them 

45. Relationship status: extremely single

46. Zodiac sign: Aquarius 

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: pretty little liars, it has just finished and now i am re watching it to find clues about A that i missed 

49. Tattoos: no, but i have a couple planned 

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST… 51. Surgery: teeth removed they are the only ops ive ever had and will ever have to have touch wood

52. Piercing: ears

54. Sport: i danced as a majorette does that count?

55. Vacation: i honestly have no idea, i think i went to Devon though (its a place in the UK) all i know is my first holiday was during 9/11 

56. Pair of trainers: probably like Nike Airs or something Adidas i have no idea 

57. Eating: i actually know this bc my older cousin fed me a wham bar (a british, i think, chewy candy thing) when i was 3 week old, so i could have died the ifrst time i hate lmao

58. Drinking: i was 14, i know i shouldnt have been drinking because my mum made me promise her i wouldnt, but i remember being so drunk (idk if it was real or faked tbh) on alcopop thats right 4% alcohol and i probs had like 3 

59. I’m about to: go get my cousins baby off his Nan so she can get his older brother from nursery

60. Listening to: idk if this is like asking the same as earlier? coz if so t]still the 1975

61. Waiting for: my friend to reply to me an tell me when he is taking me for coffee 

62. Want: my dog

63. Get married: probs idk

64. Career: i dont have one rn but hopefully a makeup artist

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: rn hugs i need to hug someone while i fall to sleep so bad its been so long 

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: taller bc im also tall so i need someone taller than me (i dont need but i like a partner to be tall)

68. Older or younger: older, people y age are immature so any younger and i may as well spend my time with a 10 year old

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i dont mind tbh

71. Sensitive or loud: both? not too loud though ya girl has sensitive ears 

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, im demisexual (it took me 17 years to figure that out) so hook ups aren’t my thing

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: it depends because i tend to be the cause of arguments and things because im honest but im not out there to cause trouble i just dont like to lie

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: no

75. Drank hard liquor?: yes, dont do it, its bad kids

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: yes, i lose my glasses all the goddamn time

77. Turned someone down: yes, i always feel bad but you cant force feelings

78. Sex on first date: nope

79. Broken someone’s heart: not that i know of, i doubt it though

80. Had your heart broken: yes, again not fun

81. Been arrested: nooo

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: not always

85. Miracles: yes, the baby i spoke about earlier? yeah hes my miracle, he was born with a new strain of meningitis, he has had 3 lots of brain surgery (at a week old) and the doctors said it was a very low chance he would survive. he did 3 times. his heart also stopped 3 times, again he is here. he also had multiple surgeries on his joints, we got told he wouldnt walk but here he is at 16 months running around like a crazy person and loving life with his older brother  

86. Love at first sight: i mean no, how can you fall in love with someone based off their face (no matter how many cute people you see on the street that you think you love, you probably dont)

87. Santa Claus: hes real in my house

88. Kiss on the first date: ive never been on a proper date so

89. Angels: yeah, i really love t believe in thse things because its cute

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: im not saying their name coz idk if thats a good idea tbh

91. Eye colour: greyyy

92. Favourite movie: Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland i just love his aesthetic and the story of Alice so put them together and you have a winner

ok i dont have 25 people to tag but i do tag @theflowerkingdom @kinkylildanny @creepyphantasia @imjustacanforallthephantrash and @dead-nightingale 

if you are reading this and you want to do it, go for it and just say i tagged you!

[meepface]

i’m in a mood and i’m bored please ignore

1: Name 

elyse

2: Age

20

3: 3 Fears

settling for less than i deserve or for something i don’t want just because happiness seems too hard or would hurt someone, the ocean, scorpions

4: 3 things I love

making people laugh, holding hands w my girlfriend and walking past another gay couple or someone in a LGBTQ+ related shirt n smilin at each other, when dogs have the lil tiny stump tails and they wag em so fast, when candles smell like christmas

5: 4 turns on

freckles, ambition/drive/passion for something, humility, uhhh also eye contact during sex can also be super hot

6: 4 turns off

apathy, moodiness, arrogance, people who are extremely loud all the time

7: My best friend

i have two and they’re great!! one leaves for japan in two days though and she’ll be gone for a month so that highkey sucks for me but she’s gonna have a blast. n my other best friend is so good to me she always takes care of me n listens to me and the other day she bought me alcohol so that was nice

8: Sexual orientation

bisexual but maybe just gay? idk i would date a boy but prolly wouldn’t fuck a boy ya know but i’d do both with a girl so who knows

9: My best date

this question originally said “my best first date” but most of em have been goin to movies and so i changed it bc my best date just in general was probably when my gf and i went and ate at our favorite place to eat n then we banged in her car in a department store parking lot and then afterwards she was like “wait nobody’s at my house i’m sneakin u over” bc her mom can be a lil weird about me going to her house so i never really do and i had never seen her room so she snuck me over to her house n we cuddled on her bed n she showed me this shoebox she has in her room with every tiny lil gift i’d ever given her in it and it made me cry a little. another nice date was when it was flooding at our university and so they canceled classes and we went to walgreens and bought shirts bc ours were soaked from the rain and i bought socks bc my socks got Wet bc i stepped in a puddle and we just stayed in my car and ate candy in our comfy clothes waitin for the rain to let up and yeah TMI ahead but basically she ended up eating me out for the first time so that was nice lol

10: How tall am I

5′7

11: What do I miss

i dunno i already miss my best friend Kate even tho she doesn’t leave for Japan until Wednesday morning. also i kinda miss how things were before this year bc my life was less chaotic and stressful and sad last year and now i’m in a rut a lil bit

12: What time was I born

uhh 11:30 somethin AM

13: Favorite color

i like cerulean which is sorta like a teal blue and then yellow and then brown and then dark green

14: Do I have a crush

ya i have a gf

15: Favorite quote

“if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely”

16: Favorite place

i like to be in my bedroom a lot but there’s also this roof i go to with friends a lot that’s really nice at night and i have so many memories there. it’s a really happy place for me

17: Favorite food

i like japanese food but not the seafood kind

18: Do I use sarcasm

no never

19: What am I listening to right now

praying // kesha

20: First thing I notice in new person

i guess just their general vibe

22: Eye color

very green but they were blue for a good half of my life which is kinda weird bc they’re so green now lmao

23: Hair color

red lmao

24: Favorite style of clothing

idk i go through a million styles in a week but my fave is just a cute oversized shirt n leggings bc it’s comfy and effortless

25: Ever done a prank call?

oh yeah i used to do a ton, i even used to have a character that i’d prank call people with actually. her name was Sonya and she sold breast enhancement cream

27: Meaning behind my URL

that’s actually a secret lmao

28: Favorite movie

the secret life of walter mitty

29: Favorite song

uhh idk but lately i’ve loved do re mi by blackbear 

30: Favorite band

twenty one pilots (can i make it any more obvious that i hate myself), two door cinema club, of monsters and men, the 1975, the wonder years

31: How I feel right now

generally okay?? today was a nice day but i’ve felt sorta sick all day and i haven’t been sleeping enough so that’s making me a big ol emotional baby so i feel like i could have a breakdown at any given minute but for the most part i am good tonight

32: Someone I love

my girlfriend

33: My current relationship status

taken

34: My relationship with my parents

oh i love em to death but sometimes they’re difficult n the two of em weren’t meant to be together honestly so i think they’d be better off n a lot less stressful to be around if they divorced but it’s okay maybe they will work it out

35: Favorite holiday

christmas eve. it’s so much better than christmas day!!!! 

36:Tattoos and piercing i have

i have a sun and moon tattoo on each wrist and the word “lovely” on my left bicep and i’m gonna get more but that’s all for now. n i have three piercings, one on one ear and two on the other. i was supposed to have two on both ears but one got infected and i didn’t know what to do so i took the piercing out and it fucked it up and it closed up so i gotta go get it repierced someday but that’s annoying so i just haven’t bothered yet

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

don’t want anymore piercings after i get that one redone tbh. but i want a pine tree tattoo i think on my ankle and a equals sign tattoo but idk where yet and lil mountains on my shoulders, also a sunflower maybe ??? i’m still tryna figure our which one i wanna get next and where. i also have been thinkin about maaaaaaybe getting the female symbol on my middle finger but idk if i want a hand tattoo ya know

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

i really liked this youtuber charlieissocoollike and he did a video about tumblr so i was like ok cool and made one but then i didn’t understand it and never used it and then caitlin one day was talking about tumblr with our friends oliver and jennica and i was like dang i wanna be cool like them so i started using it again and i found their blogs and stalked em for a while 

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

not hate but i’d never speak to him again. doubt he hates me tho

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

yeah from my gf

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

yes

42: When did I last hold hands?

today

43:How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

if i’m trying to look nice 45 mins-1 hour and if i’m not trying to look nice like 20-30 mins

44:Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

no but i need to lmao they a lil prickly

45: Where am I right now?

my bed and i am so happy to be here 

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

my gf would be there 100%, if not her then i’d say my friend Stein but she’d prolly be more fucked up honestly. my friend Kate would be there too

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

louuuuuud unless i’m in a weird sad mood then i like it real soft

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

yeah but hopefully i’ll get my fucking act together and move out within a year but i’m still kinda figuring everything out for the time being

49: Am I excited for anything?

idk honestly i have nothing to look forward to coming up anytime soon so that sucks a lot. probably my best friend’s 21st which i think is in a few weeks?? and this music fest a good friend and i are going to at the end of this month

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

yeah my good pal Joe and also my brother and my friend Brendon too but him and i haven’t talked in a while so :/

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

this is emo as shit

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

today i hugged like four people!!!

53:What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

i’d be so upset and i’d break up with her and be miserable for a long while after that

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

yeah there’s one

55: What is something I disliked about today?

uhh probably that i was feelin sick and on edge just generally all day. bc it was really puttin a damper on my mood

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

i’d really love to meet Ellen Degeneres

57: What do I think about most?

prolly about how i am a useless dum dum and not to sound edgggyy but i question like....... my purpose too often lately 

58: What’s my strangest talent?

talent? i don’t know her

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

i’m terrified of being vomited on. not vomit in general necessarily but it getting on me is one of the most disgusting things to me lol

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

lil bit of both but i’m better at the behind the camera stuff

61: What was the last lie I told?

told my grandma i was single bc i don’t wanna tell her i am gay n have a girlfriend even though she’d forget in like two minutes lol

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

video chatting but i’m not a big fan of either

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes!!!!!!!!!

64: Do I believe in magic?

no

65: Do I believe in luck?

sure

66: What’s the weather like right now?

2 hot

67: What was the last book I’ve read?

milk and honey by rupi kaur

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

tbh i love it

69: Do I have any nicknames?

elly, gaylord, dad, that one ginger

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had?

probably the one time i fell off my razor scooter while goin speedy down a hill and tryna show off and got scars all over my body

71: Do I spend money or save it?

been tryna save but put me in an h&m or a forever 21 or a thrift shop and it’s all gone. i love clothes that are inexpensive 

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue?

no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me?

yeah i have an empty victoria’s secret bag on my desk

74: Favorite animal?

i like bunnies and grizzly bears

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

talking to my gf and crying probably lol it was a rough night

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

oooooo i could make a petty joke here but i won’t

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

greek tragedy // the wombats

78: How can you win my heart?

make time for me and show me i’m important to you

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

“u know she dead”

80: What is my favorite word?

serendipity

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

i’d probably just start crying and everyone would stop listening

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

yeah one of my cousins murdered someone lol i am pretty sure he’s in jail but i don’t know anything about him or if he’s even still alive honestly

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

idk i’m pretty open

86: What is my current desktop picture?

some mountains lol it’s one of the Apple preset ones

87: Had sex?

yeah

88: Bought condoms?

yeah 

89: Gotten pregnant?

no

90: Failed a class?

nearly but no

91:Kissed a boy?

nah i’ve never wanted to really 

92: Kissed a girl?

yeah

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

yeah

94: Had job?

yep i work at a froyo shop

95: Left the house without my wallet?

yeah

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

probably at some point when i was young but not anytime recently

97: Had sex in public?

yeah lol

98: Played on a sports team?

i was on a soccer team for a while as a kid and i hated it

99: Smoked weed?

not yet but i’d like to try it at least one time someday

100: Did drugs?

no and i am not interested in trying any other drugs besides weed

101: Smoked cigarettes?

no

102: Drank alcohol?

yes

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

nah

104: Been overweight?

no

105:Been underweight?

for most of my life i have been lol and i finally got to a healthy weight and now i’m back to being underweight

106: Been to a wedding?

yeah a few

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

yeah

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

yeah but not any time recently bc i don’t have the motivation/attention span to sit through a movie or TV show anymore

109: Been outside my home country?

no but i’d really like to 

110: Gotten my heart broken?

yeah

111: Been to a professional sports game?

no and i was invited to one recently but i had work :(

112: Broken a bone?

no

113: Cut myself?

yeah

114: Been to prom?

yeah

115: Been in airplane?

yeah

116: Fly by helicopter?

no but i’d really like to

117: What concerts have I been to?

soooo many. i’ll try and name em. trans siberian orchestra, panic! at the disco, imagine dragons, twenty one pilots, two door cinema club, the weeknd, melanie martinez, catfish and the bottlemen, halsey, of monsters and men, walk the moon, eric clapton, paul mccartney, glass animals, a$ap rocky, drake, the chainsmokers, foo fighters, vance joy, the strumbellas, the front bottoms, kendrick lamar, the wombats, AWOLNATION, ben rector, we the kings, the ready set, the summer set ??? i think there’s some i’m forgetting but that’s most of em. i go to so many. i am also seeing saint motel, cage the elephant, weezer, passion pit, mac miller and MGMT this summer!!

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

yaaaaa most of my crushes have been n i’m datin a girl so

119: Learned another language?

i took four years of spanish and i’m taking another spanish class in the fall!! i was always real good at it

120: Wore make up?

yeah

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

no i lost it when i was 19

122: Had oral sex?

yeah

123: Dyed my hair?

nah it’s naturally red and pretty and i don’t really wanna ever dye it. i’m probably gonna dye my eyebrows tho they’re too light and i’m tired of always fillin them in

124: Voted in a presidential election?

yes this last one which was exciting until hilary lost

125: Rode in a police car?

yes

126: Had a surgery?

no

127: Met someone famous?

yes

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

not like legitimately but yeah i’ve gone through someone’s page out of curiosity before

129: Peed outside?

yeah

130: Been fishing?

yeah it’s sorta boring imo though

131: Helped with charity?

yeah i helped my mom with this organization she was a part of where homeless people could come and paint and make art and i helped her at a few of their shows. it is one of my favorite organizations and i met some really beautiful people there

132: Been rejected by a crush?

yeah he liked me too but he was figuring things out and later that year came out to me as gay and then like two years later i realized i’m kinda super gay too so it all worked out in the end

133: Broken a mirror?

no

134: What do I want for birthday?

to be with people i love

[thefakebriansella]

tagged by my lovely roommate @honney-bby so here i am :-)

1. Nickname(s): i’ve been short for my entire life so i have always been called shorty amongst my dad and his pals  2. Bias: I don’t really have a bias towards anything, i just really don’t like frat boys ???? 3. Blood type: idk, lame, probably 4. Relationship status: single but since i lost weight boys are hitting me up left and right  5. Birthday: September 9th   6. Zodiac sign: Virgo  7. Pronouns: She/Her 8. Hair length: medium 9. Height: 4′9 10. A crush: this boy i went to high school with recently hit me up on instagram and idk I'm kinda feelin it  11. What do you like about yourself: I like that if i want something to happen, i get up and try as hard as i can to make it happen for myself, and I am resilient AF. I also like that I'm super tiny because sometimes i think that it’s my only redeeming quality

12. Right or left handed: Right

13. List of three favourite colours: I like dark blues and reds and lavender  15. Right now drinking: water 16. I’m about to: finish getting ready for work... ya girl is a delivery driver  17. Listening to: my “petty” playlist tbh 18. Kids: maybe 19. Get married:  maybe, haven't found anyone worth my while  20. Recent phone call: Samantha 21. Have you ever dated someone twice: yeah and it was dumb af, don’t do that shit 22. Been cheated on: ya 23. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 24. Lost someone special: yeah 25. Been depressed: for most of my life but everything coming up millhouse recently  26. Been drunk and thrown up: I've been drunk but i haven’t thrown up, i can hang 27. Had glasses or contacts: nah 28. Had sex on a first date: nah 29. Broken someone’s heart: yeah 30. Turned someone down: yes 31. Cried when someone died: yes 32. Fallen for a friend: yeah

In the last year have you…

33. …made a new friend: yes i have made so many new friends at the college!!!! like Audra!!!! 34. …fallen out of love: idk if i was in love but i would have done anything and everything for that boy, then he shattered my heart so  35. …laughed until you cry: yeah all the time  36. …met someone who changed you: yeah i think i take bits and pieces of other peoples personalities and mend them together to form my own  37. …found out who your true friends were: yeah i guess  38. …found out someone was talking about you: lmao yes 39. Lips or eyes: both 40. Hugs or kisses: depends on my mood  41. Shorter or taller: taller, but thats not hard to find bc i’m tiny   42. Romantic or spontaneous: get you a man who can do both 43. Sensitive or loud: i’m both af  44. Hookup or relationship: I’d rather a relationship  45. First best friend: a boy named Rob in Kindergarten, we stayed friends through most of senior year and our interests changed and we grew apart, i miss him sometimes tho.  46. Surgery: nah 47. Sports I joined: i didnt do team sports. I ran track and was the slowest lol  48. Do you believe in yourself: i’m getting better about it  49. Miracles: idk 50. Love at first sight: nah, lust at first sight tho is a thing 51. Heaven: idk, im not religious  52. Do you have any pets: yeah i have a Weiner dog puppy and a 16 year old cat who hates the puppy 53. Do you want to change your name: nahhhhhh 54. What did you do for your last birthday: my boyfriend at the time came up with my sister to celebrate and i got a tattoo  55. What time did you wake up today: i woke up like 4 different times bc I'm sick but i got out of bed at 10  56. What were you doing last night at midnight: yelling about a boy who ditched me for the boys  57. Something you can’t wait for: someone to treat me right  58. Last time you saw your mom: 10 minutes ago  59. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish my depression would go away forever and not come back occasionally and kick my ass. (it’s getting better tho) 60. What’s getting on your nerves: the current political climate, boys, etc

Thanks for tagging me girl!!!!!! i love these 

[timaltman]

rules: once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. at the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

tagged by: @hsinlvegas who has gotten me addicted to pinterest aesthetic boards and i’m mad at her for it but she’s still p rad. 

tagging: whoever wants to do it lmao idk it’s 2:30am here idek whats up or down rn i should probably be asleep but also like.... no.

LAST… [1] drink: water (i’m so exciting /sarcasm) [2] phone call: my mom called me while she was driving home from work  [3] text message: “oh my god no. not the kidz bop. pls no” - to my sister [4] song you listened to: reaching by audiomachine (which is so good pls go listen to it) [5] time you cried: last night thinking about steve irwin and how i owe him my entire life and career bc in 2 weeks i’m starting my first official zookeeping job and he was a huge inspiration for me as a kid 

-REST UNDER THE CUT-

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no [8] kissed someone and regretted it: no [9] lost someone special: yes [10] been depressed: ☜(ﾟヮﾟ☜) all the fuckin time my dudes [11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no but i’ve gotten so anxious i’ve thrown up??

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: [12] teal [13] pale yellow [14] silver

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: yes! [16] fallen out of love: no [17] laughed until you cried: yes [18] found out someone was talking about you: yeah i mean i’m sure there are like three people who bitch about me all the time lmao [19] met someone who changed you: yes~ (in a good way)  [20] found out who your true friends are: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ -bitter fucking laughter-  [21] kissed someone on your facebook list: ye - my wonderful girlfriend~

GENERAL… [22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: i mean, i’ve met a lot of them after becoming friends on tumblr, but then i have some old high school friends and some internship friends on here, too.... so like 10 or so? probably a few more than that. [23] do you have any pets: my asshole cat, robin: the cat wonder, lives with me in my apartment. at home i have a beagle/terrier mutt named copper and a gray tabby named dusty. i’m hoping to maybe get a ball python this summer but i’m not sure yet! [24] do you want to change your name: yeah, i’ve considered it b/c trans but i’m not entirely sure what i want yet.... [25] what did you do for your last birthday: wielded a chainsaw, ate shitty walmart cake and watched step brothers with some classmates in a remote cabin in southern illinois? not my first choice but not terrible, all things considered. didn’t lose any limbs that day so i can’t complain. [26] what time did you wake up: robin woke me up at like, 5:30am to get fed, but then i went back to sleep again until 7:30, text billy to have a good day at work, and then i went back to sleep again until 9:45 b/c i didn’t have my 9am class today hell yeah [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: uh, pinterest-ing for my character aesthetic boards.... >_> [28] name something you cannot wait for: graduating college and being the fuck done with schoooooool. also mother fuckin wonDER WOMAN. [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: april 23rd [30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: how far away all the ppl i care about are :(((( [31] what are you listening to right now: more audiomachine but i was watching friends in the background earlier [32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: ye my old neighbor was named tom he was real nice [33] something that is getting on your nerves: not in the angry way but in the anxious way- i have to give a presentation on my research project to the college board in like... 6 hours. [35] elementary: yes? [36] high school: done [37] college: sO CLOSE TO DONE I LITERALLY HAVE TWO CLASSES LEFT [38] hair color: brown.... it used to have a white patch and be fun, but i dyed it for superboy and now i’m battling with myself debating if i should dye it back bc “””professional””” for jobs but that’s so boring i want to look like shiro again :((( [39] long or short hair: short god please short, regardless of what gender i present, short is so much nicer since my hair is so thiiiiick [40] do you have a crush on someone: ye my a m a z i n g girlfriend uwu  [41] what do you like about yourself?: noncommittal shrug emoji? i like my eye color i think that’s pretty radical since it’s like a gray-teal color. i guess i’m a pretty good resource for random ass animal facts too [42] piercings: mmmm i mean, i don’t care for them or about them that much? [43] blood type: literally no idea which is probably bad [44] nickname: sunshine, sam, sammy, teddy, timmy, timtam, dad [45] relationship status: -heart eyes emojis @ billy- [46] zodiac sign: aries i think? idk all i care is my celtic zodiac is a fox, so [47] pronouns: he/him [48] fav tv show: f ri ck en brooklyn 99 [49] tattoos: not yet, but after i get top surgery and no longer run the disk of mutilating or stretching it, i wanna get tim’s robin symbol on my chest [50] right or left handed: left!

FIRST… [51] surgery: wisdom teeth were my first surgery, i think? [52] piercing: got my earlobes pierced when i was like, 12? idk i don’t wear them anymore so they’ve all but closed up [53] best friend: this girl on the playground in preschool named asya but after her was this girl named natalie that i was friends with from kindergarten all through junior high. she just got married like, a month ago and i feel old [54] sport: like to actually continue with was soccer - i started at 6 i think [55] vacation: that i remember? disney world b/c my dad had drill down in florida so my parents dragged my sister and i with bc we didn’t have to pay for the hotel lol [56] pair of trainers: wut

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothin [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: sleep maybe, hopefully?  [60] listening to: still audiomachine since they just asked this question like 10 questions ago..... [61] waiting for: my anxiety to calm tf down so i can go to sleep [62] want: foooood. i ate dinner really early (5pm) and now it’s 10 hours later so i want food again. [63] get married: -super noncommittal and also confused, disgruntled noises- ?? [64] career: dream career is a zookeeper, honestly. it’s what i’m doing, i’ve worked really hard to get to the place where i am, and i’m happy with it

WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes [67] shorter or taller: no preference [68] older or younger: usually i get along better with ppl older than me- all my closest friends are older by 2 years or more except like..... amy [69] romantic or spontaneous: anxiety and spontaneity don’t mix lmao [70] nice arms or nice stomach: either or both or neither is fine idrc [71] sensitive or loud: sensitive [72] hook up or relationship: relationship [73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant only bc troublemaker makes me anxious lmao

HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger? nope [75] drank hard liquor? ye i’ve had like. one whole vodka and lemonade in my entire life because i am a raging party animal /sarcasm [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? i lose my contacts in my eyeball sometimes [77] turned someone down? ye kinda. my ~best friends~ have this bad habit of ~falling in love with me~ and then getting pissed when i don’t return the feeling and treating me like crap :))))  [78] sex on first date? nope [79] broken someone’s heart? sure maybe idk. not on purpose. [80] had your own heart broken? no [81] been arrested? nope [82] cried when someone died? i’m a monster and have no feelings so no, not really. i usually go into emotional shock and stop processing everything [83] fallen for a friend: kind of

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself? noooope [85] miracles? listen on friday i catered an event and the idiot who packed it up for us on their shift the day before forgot to put matches in the gathering. and the truck drivers loaded it onto the truck before i could check that everything was there. so we got to the location and couldn’t light the sternos for the hot food but somehow we found a box of matches in the kitchenette we were serving out of so yes i believe in miracles [86] love at first sight? maybe? idk not really i really don’t understand how anyone could love someone without knowing a bunch about them first [87] santa claus? billY AND I SAW SANTA ON OUR WAY UP TO C2E2 ON SUNDAY OKAY HIS CAR WAS RED AND SAID “MY OTHER RIDE IS A SLEIGH” AND HIS LICENSE PLATE SAID KRINGLE AND HE HAD A BIG WHITE BEARD IT WAS AMAZING OKAY. [88] kiss on the first date? maybe for ppl who aren’t like. super anxious about everything all the time [89] angels? no

OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: marble, emma [91] eye color: teal-gray, which sounds pretentious and White Person af but like..... that’s the best way to describe them [92] favorite movie: i don’t knowwww that’s a hard one ;_; 

[punkascas]

@iamalwaysaslutforcoffee and @amirosebooks tagged me for the thing! ❤️❤️

1. Are you named after anyone? my second name (małgorzata) is after a sea shanty about a young girl who takes care of an old, mean dutch sailor even tho he’s mean to her. because my dad is a sailor and named all my sisters (there are seven of us) after things to do with the sea. i actually got the most normal name, despite the absolute strangeness to me of my feminist mother being like YEAH WHAT A GREAT MESSAGE FOR OUR DAUGHTER WHAT LOFTY GOALS TO ASPIRE TO. my third name (irena) is my grandma’s. 

2. When was the last time you cried? about a week ago. i was just elected to the board of a professional society i belong to, and i got an email from the incoming president in response to my request for disability accommodations about how “disappointed” in me she was and that she would need to find someone else to fill the role if i couldn't do it without accommodation bc as we all know disabled people can’t do the same jobs as well as non-disabled people. soooooo. who knows. i might get fired bc i revealed that im disabled. maybe i should tell them that im gay next.

3. Do you like your handwriting? nnnnnn, i have no thoughts on this?? i don’t generally write things by hand. i do, however, write in all caps and this is a thing i picked up from one of the brothers who taught at my high school (i went to catholic school) who always wrote in all caps on the blackboard. 

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? turkey

5. Do you have kids? not yet. future baby daddy and i are planning to wait a couple more years. BUT SOON. THEY ARE COMING. TO END THE WORLD. they will be just so fucking blonde. (he and i were both white blonde as children, and also had terrible, terrible judgment or decision making abilities until about the age of 25. at least for me. even at 31, his decision making prowess is debatable. so they will be blonde and stick their fingers into every single light socket ever.) (also side note: but it is so fucking weird to me that he’s 31, ALMOST 32, because i have known him since he was 16 and the photo of him that comes up on my phone is him at 16, all acned-up, flicking me off and smoking a cigarette, sitting on the railroad bridge behind our high school. so anytime i see him in person i keep being like, JESUS YOU GOT OLD???) 

6. If you were a different person would you be friends with you? idk??? it depends i guess on the new person i was. 

7. Do you use sarcasm? ABSOLUTELY NO NEVER

8. Do you still have your tonsils? yup

9. Would you bungee jump? would, and have. prefer skydiving tho. 

10. What’s your favorite cereal? meat

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? it depends. one pair of combat boots has zips, so i can just unzip them. but one pair is just eight thousand laces so i have to unlace them to get them off. 

12.Do you think you’re a strong person? yes

13. What’s your favorite ice cream? engelblau. not to eat; i’m just really happy that it exists and it reminds me of cas. 

14. What’s the first thing you notice about people? if they view mockery as a form of affection

15. What’s your least favorite physical thing about yourself? well that’s a depressing question. stomach?? height, maybe. 

16. What color pants and shoes are you wearing right now? i am wearing purple and navy boxers with tiny dancing polar bears on them. and im barefoot. 

17. What are you listening to right now? take that - the flood 

18. If you were a crayon what color would you be? cerulean 

19. Favorite smell? MINT LEAVES. like seriously if you give me fresh mint i will just sit there and huff it for like. hours. 

20. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? one of my project managers

21. Favorite sport to watch? high school basketball or track and field in the olympics

22. Hair color? silvery purple-blue that looks like the colour of a dead squid

23. Eye color? green

24. Do you wear contacts? t-technically? but i almost never actualfax wear them

25. Favorite food? tea

26. Scary movies or comedy? documentary

27. Last movie you watched? hidden figures. WHICH WAS GR8 BTW. A++++ do recommend.

28: What color shirt are you wearing? green. it has a t-rex trying and failing to do a push up. 

29. Summer or winter? summer

30. Hugs or kisses? kisses, i guess. i don’t generally do hugs. 

31.Book you’re currently reading? ugh no im not going to list it it’s for work and it’s corporate and ridiculous

32. Who do you miss right now? @plays-with-shadows, @amazinmango, someone who won’t talk to me rn, my dog samsa

33. What’s on your mouse pad? a grey hoodie and some fur. (i was using my dog borys as a mouse pad when i had to uninstall the mouse drivers on my laptop and needed to use an external mouse to reinstall them.) 

34. What’s the last tv program you watched? orphan black

35. What is the best sound?  the roo-roo-roos of my dogs when i come home

36. Rolling stones or The Beatles? stones

37. What’s the furthest you’ve ever traveled? uhhhh. idk. i’ve been to 48 states in the us, and most of europe, and now nicaragua. 

38. Do you have a special talent? i can fold my tongue backwards??

39. Where were you born? the barren north

tagging: @culumacilinte, @pecanpiedean, @isaksredscarf, @writtendark, @destielsimpalatardis