#bc he wasnt an ‘honest man’

[wereoz]

it’s fun having niche hcs because when rossi’s roleplaying as those unsubs with hotch saying this:

yeah we know rossi….

[juniestar]

Oh my god one last thing my ex took me to outside lands and when we tried to watch lana del rey he laid down on the grass and had a “panic attack” (this was after months of him talking about how he didn’t like her) so we went to see foo fighters after a bit and he was FINE

[dashiellqvverty]

honestly in retrospect its crazy that i never had a mike faist phase back when i first got into newsies. like he is exactly how i wouldve described my type at that time lmao but i just never felt all that strongly towards him

[brilliant-soul]

.

[perilegs]

love visiting my grandma and letting her talk about whatever "don't talk to cops" will do ma'am "did you know. the night your cousin died. she invited her sister, her mother, and your father over. none of them showed up. none of them even asked why. i still haven't been told the real reason she died. when my mother died, we were allowed to look into the casket but i din't want to do that because i wanted to remember her the way she was and not how she looked in death. covid was at its peak when your cousin died, and that had something to do with why her casket was closed. i would have liked to see her for myself." ... "oh! did you hear what my neighbour did, you will not believe this--"

[mrfoox]

I'm uh... Im ah... Oh no 😳

[angelhound]

.

[herejusttosufferalong]

Let me calm your hearts. Luke and Nic akways went radio silent to each other in social media in between seasons. This time we even had the tour so you all are spoiled, lol. I am here since 2019 and let me tell you: they speak and they even hang out sometimes but we only find out later when they mention or a rare ocasion where they want to support something publicly to hype each other, like his play. The point is: they do talk, we just dont know until one slip something. Like Nic kknowing exactly all the concerts Luke went etc when she wasnt there.

And as for Luke denying his feelings bcs of what the anon with the opinion ppl wouldnt like. Bullshit. I have seen them together in person and he looks at her like the sun shines from her ass. That man is smitten. If anything, she is the one repressing her feelings, but she lloks at him with such fondness, there is love there. And trust me, she is stunning in real life. She is the perfect doll, it's fascinating the pull she has, my boyfriend spent two days talking about how gorgeous she is when we saw them up and close. And Luke is so handsome, he has a shy, sweet smile. Most of the time, Luke was seeking her out and getting close. They seemed to be really close, whispering things and smiling. In the very least they love each other as friends, but my impression was that it's more, we - my boyfriend and i - particularly felt Luke had a "in love" look when he stares and smiles at her. It was one pf thee best moments of my life as a fan. I have seen many actors and actresses irl, but never had i actually felt something between co-stars like that. To be very honest, i enjoyed joking about them together but never truly believed, it was more a Polin thing, but seeing them together interacting in front of my eyes made me a hardcore shipper. There is something there, like i said, even my boyfriend is now a believer.

💜🥃

[pumpkinsy0]

Chaotic Trio headcanons for Tim,Dallas, and Two-Bit!

(Bonus points if some of those include ways Tim and Dallas have tried to help Two-Bit win over Darry.)

the 3 of the worst guys u know JUST formed an alliance

•okok to b fair, tim never strikes me as the guy who would b into trios, hes more so of the guy that gets dragged into their mess, most likely to help clean it up, tims energy level just naturally depletes when hes w more ppl

•tim and dallas can get into arguments at times and that just leaves two bit just standing there, but if its about to get physical, obviously he steps in, one time he didnt and it wasnt good😭

•im gonna say two but knows his limits w tim, its DALLY whos rlly pushing him to mess w tim w him, two bit has an ALRIGHT relationship w tim, like respectful friends!!!two dials it back a bit w tim

•two bit is actually older than tim by a few months and dally likes bringing that up when tim tries to tell them what to do, cause ur not the oldest guy here man, pipe down

•tims def picked them up from a holding cell before, after they had a night out

•BTW, they dont have a “leader” they just,,,act the way they act

•YES, they would hang out at bucks and try to pick up girls (or guys, theyre all some fruitcakes), but two bit isnt too into it,,,hmmmm

•imma b honest, there aint jack SHIT, dally could possibly help w when it comes to darry, dally sucks at emotions so the most two bits gettin outta him is a “man, idk have u tried ___”, he wants the discussion OVER w so its mostly tim that two could go to

•tim is actually in the same year as two bit the same time two bit and darry were starting to drift apart, and like i said before, tim would talk about how at the end of the day the socs wont have his back, but greasers would and he was lowkey talking about two bit more so there

•outside of hs, bc tim is basically in the same situation as darry, i could see tim trying to get two to understand that darry just has different priorities now and he cant rlly focus on what two wants him to, tim tries getting two to see the way darry has to live life now

[dnpbeats]

emma i need to confess something any theory about dnp fucking other people pisses me off

anon i'm gonna put about twenty disclaimers on this bc i'm not trying to start discourse but i must say i agree 😭😭 TO BE CLEAR at the end of the day we don't know the ins and outs of d&p's relationship, and we never will. as dan said in BIG ppl want to know who he's fucking when he's fucking them and how long he's fucking them but that is not our business to know!! so i acknowledge that my thoughts on this are my thoughts and they come from a place of personal bias and projection! so if u disagree that’s okay!! okay anyway:

yeah lmao i get that i honestly don't think that they are in an open relationship for a variety of reasons. like logistically speaking it'd be difficult (espc before they were out) and we at least know phil doesn't like one night stands, so it's not like they're perusing grindr every day looking for someone to hook up with. but also like all the swinging jokes are what make me be like yeah they aren't doing that bc if they were i don't think they'd joke about it sm bc i think it would hit too close to home 💀😭 also, i think people read too much into some of dan's comments during WAD. like i get it, yes he likes making horny jokes, but i dont think it's that deep. like even if he wasn't with phil/was in an open relationship, he wasnt being serious when he said cute mutuals slide into my DMs yk 😭 he's always made jokes about being thirsty it's nothing new. also he himself said that all his thirst posting were jokes*! and other reasons too like how jealous dan gets 💀💀

but i also think people have only one interpretation of what he says sometimes, for example him saying things like this: "This is my hot boy autumn right now and I am very much enjoying, for the first time in my life, being free and out and in the world, being able to actually talk about things, being honest, being able to go out and have fun." which, if you want to interpret that as dan saying he's getting dicked down every night of tour, that's your prerogative! but i do not think that "being free and out in the world" has to be about sex, like there are so many layers to that! i just take it to mean like being able to live authentically and exist as a gay man in public yk?

ive said this a couple times in tags on other posts, but i think that sometimes (not all the time!!) the reason why ppl come up with open relation theories is because it's already a given that d&p are together. like in 2015 you could theorize "are they gay are they in a relationship" because it wasn't explicitly stated by them. but now that they're explicitly gay, and anyone reading between the lines can see that they're together, you can't really "speculate" on phan. so, the next progression is to speculate on the exact nature of their relationship: is it open, are they in a qpr, etc. so anyway yeah that's my two cents 😭 if someone thinks they're in an open relationship that's fine pls don't come for me 😭😭

*I CANT FIND THE SOURCE FOR THIS but i know he said it bc i've referenced it before, when i eventually find it i'll put the link 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[alphaketoglutaricacid]

Namari is the first of laios old party that gets reintroduced into the story before dungeon meshi really shows it's hand about the bigger themes it wants to tackle. Theres a lot of sneaky setup during her two chapters. Lets talk about her!

Dungeon meshi starts out as kind of a straight forward fun dungeon adventure amoungst adventurers and friends. Namari notably, throws a wrench in this perception while maintaining that lighthearted tone--notably, through introducing the fact Laios is a weak leader. Namari was in the party since the start. She was clearly in a bad situation at the time where adventuring was her only option bc she didnt have enough money to even get off the island. Despite that, she stayed in the party despite the fact she needs money bc she liked the comraderie. Sad that she felt like she had to choose between getting out of debt or having ppl she could be honest to.

All three party members who left did not have their needs properly met. Falin let her life be dictated by laios and marcille and was too passive to try to make choices for herself. She ends up getting eaten trying to save them + then puppetted around by thistle as a result of marcilles attempt (sucess) at reviving her (+ ends up starving the whole time) . I think shuro got kidnapped into laios party and then steamrolled over bc hes just so bad at saying no + also seemed to have never chosen anything for himself in his lyfe.

Theres a clear parallel between laios lack of attention towards these threes needs and his lack of attention that he was hungry at the fight.

Laios treated his like a group of friends going out adventuring without any regard to the needs of the group. Yeah, you could say they couldve told him, but as a leader its kinda ur job to actively keep tabs on this. And Namari really exemplifies this bc she really is in dire straits, her joining the party was out of desparation, and her need for money was getting ignored for years. That she even brought this up to the siblings and they still went on a dangerous expedition and didn't take missions aimed at making money is kinda like.. wow......

It takes a near death experience for her to realize she has really got to go actually achieve her goals —but crucially I feel if laios took more jobs to make money, she wouldnt have left at that crucial moment. I think theres an argument to be made that shuro probs wouldnt have left if namari didnt bc hes a passivity king and may have been more willing to get his retainers to work w laios party if they didnt both mutually agree laios wasnt cut out to lead the party to try to rescue falin. Which I dont think is an unfair assessment of his skills at the time.

Like he is well intentioned and doesnt mean anything bad by it but theres a limit to the amount of carelessness you can have as a leader. Later on, shuros going to have similar complaints and hes going to be much less nice abt it.

Anyways, i think its interesting the party namari aligns herself w afterwards is the right hand man of the lord of the island, awfully close to the occupation her father held before he disapeared after getting caught for money laundering. In her intro, she keeps her guard up from mr tansu and the party bc shes jaded about either having to accept a job for money or to be friends w her new party. I think this may be partially bc she let herself get dragged around for too long in laios party bc she had a soft spot for em. But after sharing a meal , having laios affirm his trust in her, and actively communicating w mr tansu shes able to get both the money she needs to climb outta debt and a good working relationship w the tansus and the twins by clarifying specifically how she feels. I think tansus a bit suspicious bc he thinks shes just in for the money and disregards her feelings as a result. I think theres a bit of an undertone that the way he treats her like a human shield reminds her of how she was cleaning up her fathers messes all the time as a kid.

Crucially, I think this is the turning point for how she acts bc she has so much love to give to the world! She needed to have this basic need taken care of before she oculd help other people. She goes down to the morgue to check for falin. She agrees to help kabru after hearing his motives w utaya even tho theres nothing in it for her. Shes the one who reaches her hand up to support him when he almost gets trampled by the adventurers in the dungeon.

I think seeing ppl help him without asking anything in return helped kabru be more open towards other, which leads to him throwing his lot w laios despite all his doubts.

Doesnt rat out laios party under the threat of interregation tho also it seemed shuro was just 🤐 abt it. She tells tansu shes headed down w shuros retainers to rescue him when he gets kicked like a football into the dungeon - also a nice bit of character development that she clearly wants to help laios w the water spirit and only goes w tansus permission, but here she takes the initiative and tells him she'll report if she sees anything funny. Crucially she throws her lot against the elves, who are the closest to power at great risk to herself. (tho lowkey she may lose her livelihood if the elves take over so there may be a bit of self interest there + her patron is in charge of some of it).

constantly asking shuro for his input bc she knows hes shy

able to support marcille when shes in tears after losing her dream falin and laios despite feeling awkward towards her (kinda interesting parallel w how shuro feels hes bad w laios

For the two of em, think laios failed them as their leader, so they leave. And afterwards, their relationship improves bc they can truely dedicate themselves to what they want from him as their friends--running a legendary sabatoge against the elf cops so he doesnt go to jail!!!

I think theres something to the fact shes the one shown being eaten by the lion when time stops. Then also the one in the mana realm happy that she’d never have to struggle or hunger again. Her whole life seemed to be cleaning up her fathers messes, getting cast out for her fathers messes, just a constant struggle w the dwarves not seeing her as someone worth being in their community and drifting around without a place to belong. Even tho she found ppl now it doesnt change what happened w her. It's sad. But she also accepts she has to go back and face the future.

her love for music and dance is interesting- how like something communal that draws others in spontaneously is something she feels close to

also interesting is her interactions w other races--seems like she primarily interacted w dwarves for the first few years of her life, w just tenous connections to people of other races and it was getting so suddenly ejected that got her there. No coincidence that shes the one who goes in between the orcs and elves towards the finale to go hey we are on the same side. Also not a coincidence she gets along so well w the twins who were abandoned by their families and taken in by gnomes but also always feeling a little out of place in that community.

Tansu clearly stand in for her dad : ( her mom walked out when she was young : ( honestly im really happy she gets a family of a sort w them.

Im also glad she still has her own interest in weaponry and design even tho its tainted w her fathers actions

Her friendship w shuro is so fun. You wouldn't expect them to get along so well bc they seem so different on the surface and namaris blunt in a way that ud think be offputting to shuro and he kinda indirect in a way that would piss her off but theyre very often on the same wavelength.

da warriors bond...no words are needed i think they might be using telepathy. once u get below the surface they have a lot in common.

family issues so severe it managed to creep onto a thrid person thats not their parent

pretty pragmatic ppl at their core (eg. shuros less mad about ancient magic being wrong and more that theyre gonna go to jail for 10000 years before chimera falin apears, his gripe about eating monsters seems more being about youll get food poisening that way etc. namari placing herself close to power in her new party, her insistance on getting paid, checkin the morgue for falin,when things get too complicated she focuses on what she can do now).

seemed to have suffered pretty badly under laios leadership

both seem to be treated as outcasts on the island, namari despite growing up there , shuro for being a forienger even tho 4/6 ppl on his party are foreign

theres interesting contrasts w her replacement senshi, in the way theyre both outcasts in the dwarven community and the way their family/partys legacies weigh heavily for them. but i ran out of steam

shes good at keeping ppl grounded and has a good inventory of ppls strengths. of the three ppl who left the party, i think she has the best potential to be a good leader at the start.

shes pretty linked to the community of adventurers as a whole but (u guessed it) i ran out of steam

I think a lot of her role in the story parallels w the theme that u need careful boundaries and consideration of other ppls needs to be an effective leader, something chilchuck hits upon a lot. but also you need to take care of your own needs first (senshis running theme) and be able to take good inventory of your desires to face the future (izutsumis running theme)

[xamaxenta]

SNORTING AND PANTING LIKE A WILD BOAR THIBKING ABOUT ROBOT SEXO!!!!!!!!!! the inherent homoerotic tension of gently sinkingbyour fingers into the pumping humming insides of your cyborg homie. the toe curling horniness of sabo straddling marcos waist bc hes so huge its really the best way for sabo to get in his chest cavity, honest, no other reason , and in order to clean the old filters of marcos not-lungs sabo has to bow over and get his arms inside marcos body down to the elbow like hes nearly crawling into the space beneath his core .. marco doesnt have the same accurate touch sensors as ace so while he can tell when hes being touched, he cant FEEL it, and there was not a place on his body designed to be touched for pleasure BUT his synthetic organs are filled with nerves and sensors to inform him of any damage and so sabo opens him up and plays him like an instrument while ace holds marco down and it would look macabe or violent if you didnt know how much Trust there was in it. marco Trusting ace not to let him hurt sabo. ace Trusting sabo not to damage marco. sabo Trusting marco and ace, literal war machines, with no fear as he tests the most volatile dangerous parts of marcos circuitry and tempts death for the sole purpose of bringing marco pleasure and service. marco recovering from the psychological weight of knowing hes cannon fodder to be scrapped or replaced. ace recovering from the thought he is only capable of violence. sabo recovering from the craziest robot sex known to man. your MIND dr xenta

anon wtf i have to give u my phd in robotfuckery bc this is beyond anything i couldve said

I wanted to say Sabo climbs inside them and fucks their circuitry but i wasnt sure if that would be received well or if anyone felt the same way but i cant take credit for any of those thoughts bc you came here with them first AND IM SO HAPPY THE BRAINCELL CESSPOOL I HAVE IS SHARED WITH FELLOW ROBOFUCKERS…

Pls the last part about marco recovering from knowing he was cannon fodder or destined for scrapping and Ace recovering from thinking he can only be violent <- this is so tender im going INSANE

[seongminiz]

onlyoneof as subs/doms 🪼❀⋆.🫧

notes  (posted again bc it wasnt showing up in the tags i hate this app) 'this isnt accurate 🤓☝🏻' its the way i honest to god do not give a fuck :3 anyways first ooo post we cheered 

— kb ; 규빈 dom : i'm biased and self indulgent but also completely right , this is the truth . mostly a soft dom but can be a hard dom if u piss him off enough

— rie ; 리에 soft dom : literally the softest sweetest dom to ever exist , will spoil you n treat you like his most prized possession . but that doesn't mean he won't indulge in some fake sympathy every now n then :3

— yoojung ; 유정 dom leaning switch : i will not let another pretty boy fool me , i know a man with mean dom tendencies when i see one . still , they're just tendencies , n he has his subby moments too

— junji ; 준지 sub : not a single dom bone in his body , bless his heart . so shy n sensitive n would let u do anything to him :(

— mill ; 밀 switch : kinda sub leaning but he'd never admit it , just like he'd never admit how much he likes being put in his place .. so yeah , a bratty sub leaning switch

— nine ; 나인 dom leaning switch : idk how to explain it its just the vibes . mostly a soft dom n not that much of a 'difficult' sub , he just wants you both to feel good :(

[thatneoncrisis]

mercymorn for the character asks?

Sexuality Headcanon: bisexual but the only reason shes not with a woman rn is bc there are none left at her stupid fucking job

Gender Headcanon: cis woman

A ship I have with said character: cristamorn or whatever the fuck its called, but in the sense that mercy had a delirious brain breaking crush on her all through high school and college but by the time she got around to realizing it was romantic feelings and not just Girl Friendship crista had joined the church full time as a sister. she can remember with perfect clarity the day crista told her straight up that 1. she has kissed a girl before and 2. if she wasnt currently engaged with the lord and if mercy was a boy* theyd probably be married

*crista is fully in denial she is constantly saying shit like "kissing a girl and enjoying it doesnt make you gay necessarily if you put yourself in a mans mindset"

A BROTP I have with said character: no one. that woman does not have friends

A NOTP I have with said character: idfk. i dont really think about mercy if im being entirely honest. ask me this again if we ever learn anything more about the other lyctors

A random headcanon: at some point i just kind of Decided she was wasian and ran with it, probably nz chinese if im being specific

General Opinion over said character: shes very entertaining and does he job in the story well i just. do not care about her. shes Fine shes Funny she evokes no emotion in me

[highpriestessofchildsacrifice]

re the d/s arun/master slave/pimp regression fantasies: louis knows he can kill armand. he says as much in s2e8. louis is just very physically and mentally resilient - blood of akasha & all that. it does mean smthn that armand gives up physical and sexual control to him. but ultimately: it is a mutual fantasy. they r both unhappy in the present, w/ each other - armand wants total devotion from a partner, louis wants to prove lestat wrong that it wont last w/ armand - so they revert back, back, back

it works for both of them, for diff reasons. it's hot to louis, and it also allows louis to keep armand at arm's length; yes, he's a pimp again, and armand works in his brothel, but lestat was only ever a customer, never a worker. it's the past but not too much of it. it's hot to armand, and it also allows him to get away w/ wiping louis's memories and controlling his mind w/ little suspicion. mental control in exchange for sexual/physical control, maybe (?)

in other words: this dynamic is deeply attractive to both parties, and they also will never play around with it b/c they both have other, deeply fucked reasons for wanting this dynamic s'adgksaldkg. in fact, they do the opposite of playing around w/ it. they go full bed death. then louis is exploding armand into walls for nonsexual reasons bc armand kills children...

as we all know armand's manipulation and scheming and practiced submission comes from deep fear and insecurity. to me, this whole series challenges the assumption that submissiveness is inherently more honest and open and virtuous; that dominance is inherently more aggressive and beastly. (remember that essay abt the frustrating assumptions in queer culture re topping?)

among other things the practiced nature of armand's submission n regression speaks to how he's mentally withstood these torturous relationships w/ marius, lestat, louis, etc where affection is withheld and bartered (in 2 senses: the economy of sex slavery; louis using loumand marriage to explicitly spite lestat). armand is nuts so armand decided to simply wipe the guy's brain going forward. but of course he is always losing!!!!

anyway this is why armand enjoying the simple and refreshing art of domming daniel will b so important to me. like, this is why it is awesome that daniel is so upfront and cheerful and happy to be a vampire and really into killing prey and obsessed w/ bullying armand and wanting to hear from him. for once armand will b w/ someone who does not care to barter affection and is openly interested and fascinated by him (even if he thinks armand is fucking psychotic). armand can finally fuck that old man. and be fucked. In many ways and positions and happenstances

tldr armand is vers it just literally wasnt important to louis's arc and so he did not allow it . 'sgkhsadlgh <3

[a-libra-writes]

HIII!! can i ask, how do you write Mordecai Heller?? THANK YOUU!!

hmm Ill try to answer this best I can and try not to ramble too long but we'll see how that goes... Im not gonna act like im an expert or whatever, this is just my thought process ig? ALSO Im ace and so is he, and I add my own experiences into my writing. Anyway the long version here:

so first thing's first!! READ THE COMIC ALSO THE SIDE COMICS ALSO ALL THE EXTRAS bc esp the extras, you get to see a lot of his personality pre-Marigold. It's two very distinct points in his life - I'd venture to say that pre-Lackadaisy and early Lackadaisy Mordecai are also very different (and that makes sense - he was a kid, and he was with the Lackadaisy crew for 7 years). He has a very distinct character progression that in my opinion is very interesting and well-written!

actually, p much all lackadaisy characters are well-written, but mordecai is a fun case because he just has so much going on: his social skills are abysmal, and he doesn't seem to find it a problem. he has committed brutal murders and executions and considers them 'just business'. he doggedly pursues discrepancies. he fixates on things being neat and symmetrical if possible. He can deal with things not being that way, for a time (note when he's covered in bloody and filthy from a job, he doesn't freak out - because that's Business (tm) and he can just wash up anyway. But a driver getting a snot mess all over the car he has to drive in all the time? Unforgivable.) he grew up in squalor and has a serious phobia of spiders and rats. He's emotionally repressed in more ways than one. He's queer and is deeply uncomfortable with people (especially women) touching him or showing interest. He still thinks about his sisters fondly. he also thinks they're better off without him. He actually found a friend (or more) in Viktor and he'd never, ever, ever say it, and his way of keeping his friend out of crime and 'protecting' him was by shooting his kneecaps. his sense of humor is crap, and he doesn't understand why his mannerisms would be considered amusing. he got into crime at a young age, doing gangster's finances for them. as a kid.

im missing some other tidbits, but you get it. the dude is real interesting to think about and write, to say the least.

I think a lot of writing mordecai, esp if you're writing a more romantic fic or even if it's just platonic - he's so closed off! part of why the Savoys are so interested in him is they've worked with him a year and he just doesn't loosen up or talk much about himself. he and viktor knew each other seven whole-ass years and you think they ever talked about their families? how they came to know atlas? what they thought about the job? granted, Viktor is just as closed-off himself, but you get what im saying. he has a serious problem with letting people in, and part of writing him is getting a crowbar and figuring out which spot to put it in and bend it juuuust enough to open something up.

ok that metaphor went somewhere weird, but you get me. and, if im being honest, a LOT of what i channel is my own asexual experience. I used to be very touch averse, especially to the opposite gender - to the point where i'd panic if I felt a man was "too close" (i.e. less than 2 feet) and "lingering" (aka minding his business). I didnt mind my friends hugging me, but I didnt really like the cuddle sessions my female friends wanted to do, and after a point, I disliked hugs from my male friends. if a guy was crushing on me? Hell no, he wasnt going near me, even if I thought he was cute too (when I was younger I DEF had a thing for my female friends too, but i registered that as 'gaaaaal paaaals' for the LONGEST time until I accepted I was bi) There was like - an undercurrent of fear and anxiety. It took me a long time to identify why. while other people seemed delighted when people they liked held their hands and hugged and kissed, it sent me into a panic.

eventually i figured out my thought process: physical affection will inevitably lead to sex, and bc i thought i was straight, there was the terrifying thought of ... oh god if i date a guy he'll expect me to have sex. oh no oh no oh no-

(and no, no one taught me much about consent or taking things slow or talking to your partner. i had to figure it out, which sucked.)

all this to say ... when I write Mordecai, especially in a romantic sense, I kind of channel that anxiety I felt in my teens and early 20s. and like, this is the 1920's!!!!* Not to mention his upbringing, and of course his line of work - where he definiately cant have feelings getting in the way of murdering someone. I think this adds up to someone whose repressing themselves - their sexual thoughts (or lack thereof), memories of family, romantic thoughts, platonic thoughts, and so on.

I like to think - again, this is fanfiction, I seriously doubt it'll come up in the comics - in a romantic relationship (or even an intense platonic one), he gets intense about it. Because Mordecai is an intense guy - you can't hatchet up someone "because i was told to", or kneecap a friend you wanted to "protect", or switch sides to your father figure's rival and pretend like you betrayed everyone just to investigate that father figure and not be, uh. some kind of Intense. I often think that, in a relationship, his jealousy and confusion/apprehension around affection and sexuality would be just as intense. And eventually, the feelings of loyalty and devotion ... once he finally lets himself have it. Because I also think, to some degree, he doesn't think he should have it - just like he thinks his sisters and mother should just leave him behind.

when im writing him in the romantic sense - as I began to accept and understand my sexuality, and talk through my feelings with my partner (also generally have better mental health, my touch averseness got a lot better.** Again, Im also kind of projecting my feelings and experiences onto Mordecai regarding this. I like to think that, once he really trusts someone and allows them to touch him, other barriers begin to tumble down. its like raw nerves being touched sometimes, but he steadily gets used to it and eventually takes solace in it (now getting him to ADMIT that srfjsdfs--)

anyway! As always, fanfic is fanfic. You are free to characterize this murdercat however you wish. These are just the jumbled thoughts that run around in my brain.

* Asexuality, like homosexuality and many shades of queerness, was considered an illness. IF anyone even acknowledged asexuality at all - its definition and terminology hadn't really caught on until the 1970's, though the Kinsey scale attempted to address it (and Jennie June attempted to write and define this in the 1920s, but I seriously doubt her writings were widespread).

**A stranger can brush past me or put a hand on me and I only have a few seconds of anxiety. My friends and family can hug me for a while, or I can cuddle up to them. I don't mind my husband cuddling or kissing me at all anymore; he's actually the one person I can tolerate sustained affection from. A huge part of this change came from accepting and understand my asexuality as part of me. I wasnt "messed up" and "broken".