#bc he didn’t know how he was going to tell her?
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mggslover · 2 days ago
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No Strings Attached
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In which reader is on a mission to get her boss to relieve some stress, not realizing he'd end up doing the same for her.
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!bau!reader Genre: smut (18+) x fluff Content warnings: porn with plot, jessica and jack make an appearance, no mention of haley, hotch smiling (lol), reader being sad and a bit insecure bc she hasn't got laid in a while, mentions of drinking wine, no strings attached (but not really bc they're obsessed with each other), soft!dom hotch, praise, breast play, ass worship, oral (f receiving), p in v sex Word count: 4,7k A/n: first time writing a fic dedicated to Hotch and i fear i'm obsessed... also i had to do some acrobatics to make sure these positions work (they do) so give me a heart for the effort your feedback and support are highly appreciated!
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Aaron Hotchner is a busy man. And these days, even more so. The responsibilities of being Unit Chief were always demanding, but they seemed to multiply now that he was balancing the weight of single parenthood as well.
As a profiler it was obvious to you how much he struggled with juggling between these professions, even though he always tried to hide it from the team. You noticed his slightly furrowed brow when he thought no one was watching, and the slow drag of his steps as he moved between meetings and paperwork.
Since you’d joined the team, you'd developed a deep respect for Aaron. Where others saw a hard-nosed, no-nonsense boss—a “drill sergeant” in Morgan’s words—you saw a man who held himself and his team to incredibly high standards because he believed in their potential. You saw a man who cared deeply, even when his personal life was slowly suffocating beneath the pressure of it all.
Even if he would never admit it, no human being can go through the difficulties he goes through without ever catching a break, without getting any help. So tonight, as you passed his office, a light still flickering inside, you decided to do something about it.
Your knuckle made contact with the door, knocking three times as you waited. When there was no immediate response, you quietly creaked the door open.
The sight of him behind the desk was familiar. His shoulders were hunched and his brows furrowed in concentration, as he scanned the endless stacks of paperwork that seemed to breed faster than he could handle them.
"Hey," you greeted softly, offering a small smile as you stepped into the room.
Hotch looked up from the pile in front of him, his gaze flicking from the documents to you. There was a slight exhaustion behind his eyes that he didn’t try to mask.
"Hey.” His eyes dropped to his wristwatch for just a moment, his lips curling into a subtle frown. "It’s late. Why haven’t you gone home yet?"
You waved off his concern. "I’m about to. Had to send a few more emails for the lab reports."
He nodded, but didn’t immediately return to his work. Instead, he watched you with that signature intensity of his, silently observing you.
"I- uh, I wanted to ask you something.” You hesitated for a moment as you moved further into the room, the door gently clicking shut behind you.
His brows rose slightly, an almost imperceptible shift of interest in his posture. "Go on."
You cleared your throat, your hands instinctively clasping behind your back. "You’ve been working a lot of late nights."
“That’s not a question.” He stated in an amused tone.
A small smile played on your lips. "I know, but it’s a… concern," you said. "And I was wondering if there was anything I could do to help you out."
He looked at you, his expression unreadable. His hands folded neatly in his lap, and he leaned back in his chair. It was hard to tell whether he was considering your offer or mentally debating the logistics of it.
"You want to help me out?" he asked, his voice tinged with confusion.
“Yes.”
Aaron grabbed a stack of papers, knocking them into a neat pile on his desk, then looked back at you. "So, this is something you’re interested in?" His tone was laced with amusement as he nodded down at the amount of paperwork in his hands.
You winced at the sight of it. "Uh... not exactly," you said, trying to keep your tone light. "I was thinking more along the lines of taking care of Jack," you added, raising your voice slightly on the last part, unsure of how he’d react to your suggestion.
His eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Taking care of Jack?"
"Yeah.” You met his gaze, trying to sound confident despite the uncertainty creeping in. "Just on the days we don’t have a case. I could go to your place and stay with him until you get home."
His eyes narrowed slightly. "You know Jessica’s there," he said, referring to his ex-sister-in-law who had taken on the role of taking care of Jack when he had to work.
“Don’t you think she deserves a break every once in a while?”
His expression shifted, becoming slightly defensive. "She offered to take care of him.”
"I know," you responded quickly, knowing he’d never force her into it. "But I’m offering too. I babysat all through university, I know what I’m doing."
He gave you a tight-lipped smile, his eyes flicking back to the papers in front of him. "That’s not necessary, but thank you," he said, his tone closing the conversation.
You weren’t ready to let it go yet. You stepped closer to his desk, hoping to draw his attention back. "Please? I want to help you."
He didn’t look up. "I don’t need any help," he stubbornly replied, his eyes still glued to the paperwork.
“Then let me put it this way,” you pressed on. "I want to help the team, because no offense, your stress is affecting all of us. And on top of that, I want to help Jack."
He glanced up at you, the wheels in his mind turning, and you showed him your best puppy eyes.
"Did you learn that from Reid?" he asked, a small smile tugging at his lips.
"Is it working?" you grinned back.
He chuckled breathlessly. "Alright, fine. One night. Let’s see how it goes."
You fought back a victorious grin. “Good. Just you wait, Hotchner. Once you see how great I am with kids, you’ll never let me go."
A week later, Hotch took you up on your offer. Jessica had a wedding to attend, and you’d agreed to look after Jack for the evening.
Though you’d spent plenty of time with Jack when he visited his dad at the office or at events outside of work, Hotch insisted on driving you to his place for a proper handoff.
He held the door open for you as you entered his apartment. You were immediately greeted by Jessica, dressed in a stunning outfit with a purse ready in hand.
"I’m late, I’m late!" she panicked, almost running as she headed for the door. But when she saw you, her demeanor softened.
“There’s my saving grace,” she said with a relieved smile. “Thank you so much for doing this.”
You waved her off with a grin. “It’s my pleasure. You look amazing, go have fun.”
She offered a final smile, then said her goodbyes to Hotch before quickly heading out.
“Hi, Dad!” Jack’s voice rang out as he bounced into the living room, his excitement palpable. You smiled, watching the little boy as he ran toward his father.
“Hey, buddy.” Hotch lifted him into his arms with a small groan. “You’re getting bigger every day.”
Your heart warmed at the exchange. Hotch was a completely different man when he was at home—more relaxed, more playful, the kind of father who carefully kept work and family separate.
He put Jack down, introducing you to him.
“I know who she is, Dad. We colored together. She’s really good at drawing Spider-Man.”
Hotch raised an intrigued eyebrow at you.
"I have more hidden talents than you know,” you playfully shrugged.
You turned to Jack, crouching down to his level. "Want to grab the crayons? We can make some more drawings."
Jack’s eyes lit up, and without hesitation, he scampered off in search of his favorite colors, calling over his shoulder, “I’ll find the red one!”
You chuckled at his enthusiasm and straightened up, turning back to Hotch. “You’ve got a sweet kid,”
Hotch’s eyes followed Jack as he rummaged through the drawer. There was pride in the way he looked at his son, but you could see the hint of anxiety that always seemed to lurk beneath the surface when it came to Jack.
You placed a reassuring hand on his arm, giving him a small, comforting squeeze. “He’s in good hands, Hotch. You don’t have to worry.”
He met your eyes, and for a brief moment, the weight of his responsibilities seemed to lift. His gaze softened with unspoken gratitude. “I trust you,” he spoke sincerely.
“Good.” You gave him a small smile and gave his bicep a final, reassuring pat. “Now get some work done. You might be able to make it in time for dinner.”
With a final glance at Jack, he turned to leave. The door clicked softly behind him, and you were left on your own with the mini version of him, who was already showing off his new crayons.
That evening marked the first of many. When you weren’t out on a case, you found yourself naturally heading to Hotch's after work—sometimes taking over from Jessica for the day or picking up Jack from school yourself. You often stayed well into the evening, even after Hotch came home, enjoying dinner together, playing games, or simply talking. There were even times where you stayed the night, sharing a quiet drink after putting Jack to bed. He’d insist you sleep in his bed while he took the couch. In the mornings, the three of you would share breakfast, with Hotch always ensuring the fridge was stocked with your favorite foods and knowing exactly how you liked your eggs.
You knew your colleagues would lose their minds if they’d ever find out, but for you, it never felt strange. It felt right. Comfortable. And whenever you were back on the field, you’d slip back into your professional roles—the accidental first-name slips the only sign of the bond you shared.
Being at their place made you realize how much your work had tangled itself into every aspect of your life. You’d moved away from family, struggled to maintain a personal life, and watched every attempt at dating falter because of your job. Despite how fulfilling your work at the BAU was, you’d forgotten just how deeply you craved a sense of belonging—a place where you were appreciated for more than just your professional skills or your ability to handle a weapon. Around Aaron and Jack, you could simply let go and be yourself.
Today was another day at the Hotchner house. You had spent the entire afternoon with Jack playing soccer in a nearby park until he was utterly exhausted, you practically had to drag him home. This time you didn’t mind though. Today has been a painful reminder of how single you were. The park had been filled with happy couples—some picnicking, some feeding the ducks, and others nervously sharing their first kiss.
You were grateful for how Aaron had allowed you to wiggle your way into his little family on days like these, but still it wasn’t yours. You still longed for one to call your own one day.
So, here you were—alone on the couch, watching a rom-com wishing you were starring in it, and finding comfort in the warmth of his house and the glass of wine in your hand.
You were so absorbed in the movie that you didn’t notice the door unlocking until Hotch stepped inside.
“Hey,” you greeted, reaching for the remote to pause the film.
“Don’t stop on my account,” he said, putting down his bag and hanging up his jacket. He loosened his tie and walked over to the couch, settling on the opposite end.
“Sorry, I opened a new bottle of wine”
He waved it off. “I’m glad that you did. It would’ve just collected dust on the shelf.”
You take another sip. “It’s a good one. Rossi’s?”
“You know it,” he replied with a soft smile, getting comfortable in the cushions as you put the movie back on.
The screen flickered with a romantic scene: a couple dancing in the rain, the male lead spinning the woman around in circles as they laughed.
“I miss that,” you murmured, a wistful smile tugging at your lips as you watched them.
Hotch glanced at you, a smirk forming. “It’s raining outside. Be my guest.”
You rolled your eyes, playfully dismissing the comment. “That’s not what I meant. Just look, Aaron,” you pointed at the TV, where the couple gazed at each other lovingly, before he pulled her in for a passionate kiss. “I don’t remember the last time someone looked at me like that.”
“Sometimes, I feel so desperate that I think about saying yes to the first guy who comes along, just to feel wanted again.”
Hotch straightened, concern flickering in his eyes. “You shouldn’t do that.”
“I know, Dad,” you teased, trying to ease the tension. “I’m unfortunately fully aware of the creeps out there.”
“On top of that, I’m not even sure anyone would take me up on it,” you added with a breathless laugh, your voice betraying a hint of vulnerability. “I haven’t exactly gotten much attention since joining the team. Maybe I’m not considered attractive anymore.”
“People can tell you know how to handle yourself,” he profiled. “Some find that intimidating. But you’re just as attractive—if not more so—than before you joined the team.”
You almost spilled your wine at his confession, the sudden heat in your cheeks betraying the flutter in your stomach.
“You don’t have to say that,” you mumbled, not wanting him to feel pity for you.
“Am I lying?” he asked, his voice steady. You met his gaze—his posture was open, his shoulders relaxed, and his eye contact was unwavering. It was textbook honesty.
“No,” you admitted quietly, feeling the truth of his words sink in.
“I don’t think you need some stranger or a serious relationship to get what you’re after.”
You blinked, not sure if you’d heard him right. “No?”
Hotch leaned in just a little, his voice lower now. “I think we could give each other what we need... without it being complicated.”
Your heart skipped, and you tried to process what he was suggesting. Your mind raced, the words hanging in the air between you.
“Are you suggesting a no-strings-attached relationship with me?”
He gave a small, wry smile. “I’m trying to be subtle about it, but it’s not going so well.”
You laughed, caught off guard, trying to mask your surprise as you saw the seriousness in his expression.
“How will this work?”
The corners of his lips lifted as you acknowledged thinking this through. “We would just… enjoy ourselves. Just when we’re here. Just when it’s the two of us.”
Enjoying yourself with Aaron Hotchner definitely wasn’t how you’d imagined this night going.
You stayed quiet, thinking it over. After a moment you slowly nodded your head. “Okay.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, waiting for confirmation.
“Yes. I am,” you responded, the words coming easier now.
You licked your lips nervously as he moved closer to you. His cologne enveloped you, making your pulse quicken.
As he continued gazing into your eyes, you decided it was your turn to make the next move. Carefully, you reached up to cup his cheek, feeling the slight roughness of his stubble against the palm of your hand. A small prayer passed through your mind, hoping you wouldn’t regret your next decision.
Then you kissed him.
The moment his lips met yours, the cliché of “fireworks” suddenly made sense—the feeling was intense, electric, a rush that left you breathless. His hands moved to the sides of your waist, pulling you closer. Before you could think, you were settled on his lap, the world around you narrowing to the heat of his touch.
A small, desperate whimper escaped you as his tongue brushed against yours. It had been so long since someone touched you this way—especially someone as strong and attractive as Aaron. You could feel his heartbeat beneath your fingertips as your hand slid over his chest, the other wrapping around his neck. He deepened the kiss, and the feeling was so overwhelming that it almost made you cry in relief.
He brushed his hands over the smooth curve of your waist and down the swell of your thighs, digging his fingers into the clothed skin.
Your soft moans were swallowed by your kisses, and you couldn’t help yourself as you moved your hips against his, feeling yourself get more aroused with each movement against the thin fabric of his slacks.
He let out a low grunt as you repeatedly rolled your hips against the hardening bulge in his pants. His large hands roamed up beneath your shirt, the warmth of his touch sending a shiver of anticipation down your spine. You placed your hands over his, ready to take your shirt off, but just as quickly his hands closed around your wrists, stopping you gently.
“Not here,” he warned. “Let’s move to the bedroom.”
His words sent a rush of desire to your core, and though your legs trembled, you stood from his lap and followed him across the room. As he moved, Hotch unbuckled his belt with one swift, effortless motion. You paused mid-step, breath catching at the sight of the leather coiled in his hand, hypnotised by how seductive the image looked. You blinked a couple of times to get out of your trance, before hurrying after him, your legs trying to catch up to his confident pace.
You stepped into the bedroom, moving until you stood at the foot of the bed as he locked the door behind you. A flutter of nerves stirred in your stomach at the reality of what was about to happen.
Hotch walked toward you, slowly closing the distance. His eyes were dark as they took you in with a look of pure lust—one you’d previously never seen on him.
“Turn around for me.”
Maybe it was because you were so accustomed to his authority in the field, or perhaps it was the undeniable fact that you'd let him do anything to you at this point, but without a second thought, you obeyed, turning your back toward him.
His hands reached out to rub over your shoulders in slow circles. You instinctively leaned into him, your eyes closing as you let yourself melt into the comfort of his touch. He presses in closer, his chin resting against your shoulder.
“What is it that you’ve been longing for?” His voice is a soft, sensual whisper, his breath warm against your skin.
A shaky breath escapes your lips as his hands delicately trail over your collarbones, carefully moving lower, inching toward your breasts. The moment his palms cup them, your nipples harden.
He hummed, still awaiting a response.
“You,” you whispered back, your voice barely audible through the thick need.
You feel the faint curve of a teasing smile against your skin. “You already have me,” he murmured. “Tell me how I can make you feel good.”
His thumbs flick over your nipples, and you arch your back into him, feeling the solid press of his body against yours, the hardness in his pants meeting you once again.
“It’s been a while since-” your words dissolve into a moan as his fingers pinch your nipples.
“Since what?” he teased, his lips tracing the curve of your neck, each kiss setting your skin alight.
You swallowed. “Since… since someone’s gone down on me.”
“Is that so?” he hummed, the sound rich with interest. His tongue slides up your neck, before turning it into a kiss.
“Aaron, please,” you begged, grinding your hips into him.
“How can someone like you have been deprived of pleasure for so long?” he thought out loud, and he finally grabbed the material of your shirt, pulling it over your head.
His hands glide softly over your back, before he unclasps your bra with one smooth motion. Your breasts spill free, and he immediately cups them in his hands, holding them as if he wants to keep you warm and covered. The pleasure is even more delicious now that the contact is skin-to-skin.
His hands roam over your stomach, until he reaches the button of your pants, undoing it. He sinks to his knees behind you, his fingers curling around the waistband of your pants and panties, easing them down. A low curse escapes him as the fabric slides over your ass and down your thighs, revealing more of you inch by inch.
You held onto his shoulder for support, as he steadied your leg, guiding you to step out of your pants. The second he tossed the fabric to the side, he placed his hands steadily on your thighs, leaning in to press a heated kiss to your ass. You let out a moan, bucking forward, but he holds you firmly in place as his lips trail wet, lingering kisses over your cheeks.
“Place your knee on the bed for me,” he tenderly instructs.
You followed his order, lifting one knee onto the bed, your upper body arching slightly as it hovers just above the mattress. The cool air brushes over your exposed pussy as you’re displayed in front of him.
A loud moan leaves your mouth, as his tongue makes contact with your folds. The pressure is just right, each flick of his tongue drawing a sharp gasp from you as he licks up and down in a deliberate rhythm.
“You taste like heaven,” he groans, the deep rumble of his voice vibrating through you as he speaks, “dripping down your thighs already.” His lips trail lower, and he laps up the wetness that has gathered on your inner thighs, his stubble tickling against your sensitive skin. You grip the sheets, desperate for something to hold on to.
Aaron’s tongue returns to your pussy, the tip of it firmly pushing inside, curling upward as he slides in and out, hitting all the right spots, sending waves of pleasure through you. Each thrust makes you cry out.
You let out a small whine as his tongue retreats, pressing a delicate kiss to the tender skin. “Don’t get me wrong,” he starts, licking his lips clean, “I love hearing you, but you can’t be too loud.”
You silently nodded, your breath hitching as his finger unhurriedly traced your sensitive folds. Just as he was about to enter you, you stopped him.
“I- I need your cock,” you whined, your hips pushing back toward him, desperate for more.
“Yeah? You need it that bad?” he teased, as he rose to his feet behind you.
You crawled onto the bed, glancing back at him. His lips still glistened with the trace of you, and his eyes were locked onto yours, filled with predatory focus.
“I need it, Aaron,” you repeated, biting your bottom lip as your gaze lingered on the hard outline of his length pressed against his thigh.
He groaned, his hands quickly pulling at his tie, tossing it aside before he began unbuttoning his shirt. His movements were confident—like a private performance just for you. You leaned back on your arms, your feet planted on the bed, allowing him to see just how much he was making you ache for him.
As he removed his shirt, the muscles in his broad shoulder flexed, and the trail of dark hair down his stomach led your eyes straight to what you craved.
He wasn’t shy as he pulled his pants down, eager to show you just how worked up you’d made him. His length stood hard, the tip flushed red and glistening with precum. You instinctively pressed your thighs together, giving you a soft release of tension.
He joined you on the bed, lying on his side and pulling you flush against his chest, spooning you. His lips crashed into yours in a deep, hungry kiss, his groans vibrating against your mouth. His hand explored your front, squeezing your breasts, while his arousal pressed insistently against your ass.
You moaned, your leg draping over his as you shifted, opening yourself up to him. He reached down, gripping his length, positioning it against you before slowly pushing inside, stretching you inch by inch.
You took a sharp breath, adjusting to the feel of him inside you. His cock throbbed, as if begging for you to move. Slowly, you rolled your hips, taking more of him in, and Hotch’s low growl rumbled in your ear.
“That’s it,” he praised, his voice rough with pleasure. “Taking me so well.”
He was fully inside you now, filling you completely, and his hand slid down to your exposed clit, his fingers moving in slow, rhythmic circles. His thrusts matched the pace, deep and deliberate.
Every movement sent shockwaves through your body, your breath quickening as the familiar knot of pleasure tightened in your stomach.
“I’m close, Aaron,” you whimpered, and he moaned in response, placing soft kisses along your jaw before sucking at your neck, marking you.
His fingers moved faster, pushing you closer to the edge, and your body twitched as your orgasm crashed over you. His arms held you tight, anchoring you as the sensations slowly subsided.
When he withdrew his hand from your clit, it slid down to your knee, bending your leg to spread you even wider. Without warning, he began pounding into you, the sudden change in speed making you cry out, a high-pitched moan escaping your lips.
“Be quiet for me. Don’t make me tell you again,” he warned. You involuntarily moaned at the way he commanded you, and he grunted in response.
With a swift motion, he flipped you onto your stomach, your body pressed flat against the bed. A sharp gasp escaped you as he grabbed your thighs, lifting them to raise your ass in the air, before entering you again.
One hand pressed firmly into your shoulder, holding you down, while the other gripped your hips, forcing you to meet each of his thrusts. The new position did its job—your moans were muffled into the pillow, leaving only the wet slap of skin and the sound of Hotch’s deep, guttural grunts with each push of his hips.
“They're so stupid for not wanting you,” he groaned. “You have me now. I’ll give you everything you want.”
Your heart fluttered at his words. After feeling this, you knew you wouldn’t ever be satisfied by anyone else. You would want no one but him.
“I’m going to come inside of you,” he breathed, bending over so his chest pressed against your back, his warmth enveloping you.
“Oh-“ Your breath caught as the sensation in your core tightened again. “Yes, please. Inside of me, please.” You couldn’t form a full sentence as the heat inside of your core builds up again.
He reaches under you to touch your clit, and the instant his fingers make contact, you come undone. Your legs tremble, giving way beneath you as the rush of pleasure takes over. Hotch pushes into you two more times before you feel him spill inside, the sensation sending you into another, deeper orgasm.
He presses soft, tender kisses to your shoulder, his breath warm against your skin as he whispers in your ear, “I’m sorry I got a little carried away.”
You hum in satisfaction, a pleased smile tugging at your lips. “I’m glad you did.”
You weren’t sure what time it was, but you had a quick shower together—Hotch giving you one more orgasm—and were now laying in bed, your clean bodies tangled under his sheets.
“Will you stay the night?” he asked softly, pressing a kiss to the back of your hand as he held you close.
It was endearing how gentle and shy he sounded, a stark contrast to what the two of you had just shared.
“Only if you promise to not move to the couch,” you mumbled sleepily, your voice heavy with exhaustion.
“I wouldn’t dare.”
You turned your head to him, noticing the quiet that had settled between you both.
“What is it?” you asked, tracing absent patterns to his skin.
He hesitated for a moment before speaking. “I was thinking… maybe we can attach those strings a bit more.”
You chuckled. “Maybe,” you playfully teased, pressing a final kiss to his lips.
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zyafics · 2 days ago
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tags | #is it embarrassing if i tell you i teared up seeing you tagging me in something new in my notifs#i didn’t realize HB:L was over until two days ago and i’ve been having withdrawals#but enough about those cuties#ZYA THE GRAPHICS HERE?????? you’re an actual genius! an artist even!#it’s all so pretty#thank you for including what F1 is bc i have absolutely no idea about anything lmao#will be referring back to the explanation frequently!#i’m in love w the premise of this story#how is he gonna win her back??? then tension and angst is going to be off the chartssss#what happened during john b’s last season???#ugh i’m so excited we’re so back baby#fic rec
stop that's so cute 🥹 i am glad to be a dopamine-notification addiction and YES! new graphics! i love them sm! and i'm so glad that added the formula 101 for the newcomers because i didn't realize how much there was to know in order to read! and yes yes, so much drama, angst and tension, let's see how it goes!!
RED FERRARI CHASE | 01
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MAIN | MASTERLIST | IRL & Social Media AU
Pairing — F1 Driver!Rafe x High School Sweetheart!(F)Reader
Summary — Before Rafe became one of the best drivers on the grid, he was yours. However, when his popularity skyrocketed, he became one of the most eligible bachelors in F1, leaving you behind to indulge in the notoriety of the sport. Yet, years have passed, and he hasn’t stopped thinking about you: his first love, his high school sweetheart, the only person to believe in him. When new management takes over his team, he’s afraid their new strategy could undermine his role in the cutthroat league. But in an unexpected twist of fate, Rafe discovers you returning to the circuit as part of the new leadership—now, with a ring on your finger. Engaged to his boss.
Content — formula one au
Zya's Notes — the formula 1(01) is credited to @/_f1everything_ on tiktok!
Navigation — Part 01 | Part 02
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IMPORTANT INFO ABOUT TAGLIST AND UPDATES: if you want to be notified about all my fics and updates, follow @zyafics-library and turn on notifications! however, if you want to be added to this specific taglist, let me know (but to remain tagged, you must interact with the posts).
TAGLIST FOR RFC: @nemesyaaa / @promiscuousg1rl / @st4rlveur / @aliyahwritings / @maybankiara / @xoxosblogsblog / @w11ore4rina /@yuckblushin / @tashiagalinda / @ivysprophecy / @cameronsprincess / @perfectprettypisces / @papercranesandinkstains / @murdockcastleslut / @helaenas-queen / @zuccheromorena / @coralineyouareinterribledanger / @landosgirl97 / @aias-fxtns / @halaxxxx / @rafeslovergirl / @harrys-housewife / @colbysbrocks / @psychicnatural / @namelesslosers / @justdamnpeachy / @lilithblackkk / @inthelibrarybtw / @adribarbie / @eviiiiieeeeeeeeee / @mbella607 / @squemzzi / @kqliie / @chenslucy / @forzkdlin / @addiessblack / @urbrunettebombshell / @elixirina / @the0neandonlyjules / @surazim / @itsnotsunnyy / @evelynffics / @purplerose291 / @a-lovers-card / @mileyraes / @railingsofsorrow / @ilovefiction4lmen / @heartsforrafecam / @bradshawed
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Zya's Post Notes — if you would like to make a special appearance as a f1twt stan, let me know! in the inbox, preferably, drop a username and your display name! <3
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starfilmz · 2 days ago
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THOROUGHFARE | UNSURE FEELINGS, DRUNKEN CALLS
⤷ A JJ MAYBANK SOCMED AU .ᐟ
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──── you never expected that swapping socials with your call of duty duo would change your life — whether for better or worse, you're still not sure. friendships are made and something much more begins.
thoroughfare masterlist ──── 05 | 06 | 07
a/n: chap 6 has been a bitch to post bc tumblr couldn’t handle it but VIOLA it has arrived. this chap became a mix of smau and written fic so we doin something here 🤔 ofc it’ll still be social media based do not fret, but i feel like these written ones are needed for this. not betaread obvs so mistakes are everywhere!! lmk your thoughts, expectations, or how u see this fic ending cuz it is soon 😝
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john b stood up as soon as he heard the whirring sound of his best friend’s motorcycle. it came to a stop when he stepped out on the château’s porch, leaning against one of the posts with his arms crossed. jj looked disheveled and as much as he wanted to say “as per usual”, the boy walked towards the house as if he ran into several bushes on the way.
he had a frown on his face as he faced john b. “i don’t know what do,” he finally spoke, his expression morphing that tells john b he didn’t want to admit to that. “long distance relationships are weird and, i’ve experienced worst that weird, man, you and i both know that and i—“
“alright, calm down,” john b grabbed the boy’s shoulder before he could go on another self-destructive tangent. “let’s talk about this, okay? pope said he’s on his way with beers.”
jj sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair. “it feels unfair for her that i’m making a big deal about this. it’s the whole rafe thing again! honestly, i genuinely think i overreacted.” he sat on the closest couch on the porch with furrowed eyebrows.
john b followed him, an amused expression on his face. jj noticed this, raising his eyebrows at the boy. “what’s so funny?”
he shook his head, his curls falling slightly to his side as he looked at jj. “when’s the last time you acted this way towards a girl?”
“oh, don’t start, jb.”
“i’m sorry, okay? look, you don’t need to be thinking this hard, man, alright?” the boy chuckled, patting his friend firmly on the back. “yn’s a good person, i can tell, and…” john b looked around as if anyone else but the two of them were around. he leaned closer towards jj, who didn’t think twice to do the same.
“from what i’ve read from sar’s phone, yn’s just crazy for you.”
this changed jj’s solemn expression into a mixture of lovesick, curiosity, and excitement. “i mean, that’s natural, right? she agreed to be my girlfriend so it’s natural for her to like me.” his words sounded defensive which made john b’s eyebrows rose.
“what i’m trying to say, jj, you don’t have to freak out just because you don’t know who’s around her. long distance is weird, i agree, but are you going to be like this every time she hangs out with people you don’t know?”
jj lowered his eyes, a tiny wave of shame washing over him. “no.”
“right, and i’m not trying to say don’t be jealous— you can’t help it, you like the girl,” john b held one of the blonde’s shoulder. “and if i were to give you an advice, man to man, thinking in your shoes, if you find long distance so much, why don’t you do something about it?”
jj looked up at john b, confusion etched all over his face. “what are you—“ and as if something clicked in his mind, john b nodded, confirming his thoughts. “isn’t it too soon?”
“what’s too soon?” both boys visibly flinched as pope made his presence known, beer bottles in hand. “i had to swipe this from my dad’s stack so you guys better fill me in.”
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you couldn’t help the smile at john b’s story, giving it a heart as scrolled off the app. you would send a response, something about not leaving him in the streets because you guys still have a game session planned tomorrow, but you decided not to.
they were probably still at the boneyard, a place where they usually throw their parties as you’ve learned previously from jj, and they’ve shared enough stories about those to let you know those parties don’t end easily.
you sighed, sliding further into your bed as you hugged your pillow. was it silly to feel the way you do now?
you aren’t ready to fly out to see the boy you’ve been dying to see, but you want to, and you tell yourself you’re okay seeing them have fun, but as you stare deeper into your bedroom wall, you’re beginning to doubt that.
you took a deep breath, closing your eyes in an attempt to sleep and brush off your thoughts, but as soon as you do, your phone rang beside you. you moved the pillow and raised your phone, seeing jj’s profile picture and username across your screen.
jj was calling you.
you sat up, answering the phone, and placed it on your ear. loud music greeted your first, along with voices you’re not familiar with.
“—you can’t just leave her like that, jayj!” a girl harshly whispered against the speaker and it made you think she was either kiara, cleo, or sarah.
“hello?” you finally spoke, and when you did, everyone on the other side seemed to quiet down. you heard some kind of harsh slap, along with a small ‘ow!’. you didn’t recognize the rest of the voice before, but you were definitely aware someone had slapped jj.
“jj? you there?” you called once more, tone lighter in amusement. “i’m gonna hang up on you if you don’t talk.”
that seemed to catch the boy’s attention as he began sputtering away. “no, no, don’t, hello! look, i’m sorry, i’m being peer pressed right now—“
“don’t say that!” a deeper voice interrupted him.
“—and i just wanted to hear your voice…” from the way jj was talking, you could tell he was drunk, though you did believe that slap before sobered him up a bit. “i missed you, yn.”
“it’s only been a day a whole, jj,” you chuckled, leaning against your pillows. despite your answer, you couldn’t help but feel the same way. “but i missed you too, jay.”
“i’ve been building up the courage to call you all night and, i don’t know, i just wanted to hear from you before my lights go out,” jj laughed at his own words, a drunken expression all over his face you imagined.
“build up the courage? i’m your girlfriend, jay, you could call me whenever you want.” you answered, a small smile on your face.
there was a beat of silence from him and you thought it was a sign that he’s close to getting conked out, but his next words proved otherwise.
“can you say that again?” he whispered, almost like he’s hiding, which was most likely from his eavesdropping friends. “about the girlfriend thing, please?”
you hummed a playful tone, the instinct to tease jj was strong and it almost won if it weren’t the way your cheeks heated up at his voice, the way he sounded so soft and near the phone as if he was saying it directly in your ear.
“i’m your girlfriend, jj maybank. you happy?” you had to roll your eyes despite no one being with you hearing your sappy voice and attitude, anything to keep the butterflies in your stomach at bay.
“so happy, you don’t even know, baby,” the nickname came to you as a shock, but it didn’t felt wring hearing it from jj. if anything, you wanted to make him say it again. “i’m just so— oh my god, so happy. i’m your boyfriend, you’re my girlfriend— oh, bliss!”
you couldn’t help the laugh that bursted from you as jj’s voice doubled in volume. “i have a girlfriend! and she really likes me!” jj’s speaker managed to get the sound of what sounded like a crowd cheering at his embarrassing announcement, making you chuckle even further.
“alright, hands off the phone, okay— john b, take him, please? before he announces more details about yn?” another voice took over the call, and by the way the boy, who you now know is john b, responded with a ‘yes, ma’am’, you assumed it was sarah who came to the rescue.
“hey, sarah,” you greeted her. “having fun?”
“oh, we are, but no so much for jj tomorrow.”
“i can imagine, you’d think he’ll be able to live with that?” you joked.
“babe, he has no choice,” sarah responded with a laugh. “but for now, john b’s taking him back to the château to properly conk out.”
“that’s good to hear.”
“so,” she started and you already picked up the teasing tone in her voice.
“so?” you chuckled, amused at her.
“still unsure of visiting your hopeless boyfriend? was his very public and loud declaration of love for you enough?”
you hugged the nearest pillow, a warm smile spreading across your face. you felt a lot more at ease and mind solely focused on jj. “it’s enough.”
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thoroughfare taglist: @yumwhy @beeskisses @callieyanderechan @udpoota @vivian-555 @popesbby @whatisoutside @roryology @readinghoes @mytimeiswaiting @marleymarleymarleymarley @urmotherlvr @fruitcakerafe @bobobellabo @max23b @mirellef2001 @bearbear21 @cassiewritessalot @baocean @ayy1234567 @lmaowhatt @scaroooos @mbella607 @dylsdaily @1mcrazybutcute
big apologies to the peeps that wanted to be tagged but aren’t here cuz i might’ve missed yall bc and for the people that are written on here but weren’t notified pls refer to this post :)
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princess-luvvv · 21 hours ago
Text
A GOLD RING AND COLD FEET
Rafe Cameron x fem!exgirlfriend!reader
A/N: (This is lowk 4.3k words I’m sorry) Hey guys lol I literally do not know what I’m doing help. I did not proofread idek how to work this app so if this sucks just don’t tell me bc this thing is the biggest pain in the ass lol. Like I am so genuinely sorry I’m such a grandma. Also this is what I listened to while writing this so feel free to listen as well :)
WARNINGS: AUTHOR CANT FIGURE THIS APP OUT, there’s no smut (not going to traumatize you guys with my brain on the first post), girl reader, marriage (basically the whole theme), cheating (sort of from reader but like it’s fine), ermmm just bad writing im sorry lol. Just a man yearning (like good). Okay Im sorry byeee.
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14 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE BRIDAL SHOWER
Rafe Cameron was going to be the death of me. I knew it.
We had dated for 7 years. He asked me out when we were 14 after knowing each other since we were 6. He broke up with me when we were 21. He said he “couldn’t be tied down in his 20s”.
After that I thought I was completely broken. I had never even imagined loving anyone else - having to love someone else.
But here I was. 14 days away from my wedding to a man I didn’t love. A part of me felt like such an asshole. Marrying a man who I knew I’d never love. But Jackson had his faults. He raised his voice too much. He never opened my door…not since our third date at least. He worked all the time. He regularly forgot important events like anniversaries and birthdays.
We started dating 10 months, 1 week, and 4 days after Rafe broke up with me.
Even though most people said it was time to move on it still felt too soon to me. 3 years later and it still feels too soon sometimes.
But here I am. At my bridal shower. Wearing a silver ring when I haven’t touched a piece of silver jewelry since I was 9.
I was opening gifts when only one remained. A small black box with no tag attached.
“Who is this one from?” I ask the crowd of giddy women surrounding me. They all share confused looks. Shrugging and comments like “It’s not mine” falling from their lips. This only furthered my confusion as I opened the box.
I gasped.
Inside was a beautiful - gold - ring. It was my dream ring.
“Oh my gosh it’s just beautiful!” My best friend Grace said.
“Jackson must have picked it out for you since yours is missing.” Grace says causing me to furrow my brows.
I looked down to my left hand and noticed the absence of my ring.
Since when was that gone?
“Oh yeah…I guess he did.” I smile and tuck the box away. Making a mental note to ask Jackson later. Even though I knew he didn’t get it for me, a part of me hoped.
As my friends went on and on about how beautiful this wedding would be and how happy they were…I couldn’t help but wish their joy was infectious.
At least someone is excited right?
12 DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: BACHELORETTE
I was sitting in an expensive restaurant in downtown Charleston sipping a cocktail I’m pretty sure costs more than my salad. Jackson and I had decided to have our Bachelorette/Bachelor parties in the same city in case anything happened. He was out having a guys night while I was out with my girls. I hadn’t had this much fun doing anything wedding related well ever.
“It’s not a coincidence that you think that and Jackson isn’t here” a little voice inside my brain taunts me. But I push it down. Along with the bile rising in my throat. From the alcohol or the impending commitment of forever to a person who I know I don’t love - which, I’m not sure.
“How are you babe?” My friend Ava says as she turns her entire body to face me. I was tracing shapes on the condensation on the outside of my barely touched drink while I tuned out the rest of the chatter.
“I’m wonderful how about you Ava?” I smile and meet her eye. She gives an unconvinced smile and repeats her question: “Come on. How are you really? Cold feet? We can get on the next flight out of America just say the word.” She says with a laugh. And I know she’s joking but part of me is screaming “YES!” Inside of my head.
I laugh and shake my head.
“No cold feet. Just lukewarm maybe.”
Lukewarm. It’s funny cause that’s basically a word that sums up the entirety of Jackson and I’s relationship. I hadn’t felt fire, sparks, passion…any of it. Not since-
“Lukewarm is okay. Marriage is big. But…you’ll be okay.” Ava says cutting off my thoughts. And I can see her trying to hide her real feelings. She wants me to talk to him. Not him. Him.
The him who left me in a hotel room in Key West on what was supposed to be our 8 year anniversary trip. The him who wouldn’t stop sending letters to my house. The him who sent me 127 texts and 87 voicemails since last Tuesday. Which is apparently the day the Cameron’s wedding invitation arrived. I wasn’t going to invite them but I felt I needed to. Sarah and I were still friends and I adored Wheezie. The him who took up every inch of my heart. No matter how hard I tried to convince myself he didn’t.
LATER THAT NIGHT AT THE HOTEL…
I entered my private suite in the hotel. I had gotten my drunk pack of bridesmaids back to their rooms…well the ones that were sleeping in their own rooms tonight. I had my own room this trip. My bridesmaid Lila insisted on it in case Jackson wanted to sneak over from his hotel…that’s what she said. But I knew she secretly wanted to give me my space away from the wedding buzz and events. I was grateful for that.
Until I was not.
Because the second I opened my door and ripped off my crown that said “BRIDE” I looked up and saw a man sitting on the couch in the suites living room. His elbows resting on his large thighs as he hung his head.
He looks up when I walk in.
I should’ve been scared…but I knew exactly who it was.
I flicked on the light. “Rafe what- what are you doing here?” I say in half anger half disbelief. OBX was at least 7 hours from here.
What the hell was he thinking?
“I had to see you…” I shake my head as he stands up and walks towards me. I take a step back.
“No. No. You can’t do this to me.” He walks closer. I put out my hands. Placing them on his chest to keep distance between us.
“Please just hear me out….” He gently grips my wrists that are placed on his chest. He paused for a second. Looking into my eyes to see if I would stop him again. I let him continue.
“I know…I know I have no right to be here. No right to do this. But please just listen to what I have to say…” He sighed before continuing. “You can’t marry him. Baby you can’t….I’m begging you. He doesn’t treat you right. You know that. I have so many regrets in my life…but I’d live them all over a million times if it meant I never let you go. I regret that every breath I take.”
My eyes gloss over. His touch was so gentle unlike Jackson’s. He didn’t raise his voice at me. He didn’t do anything but love me exactly the way I wanted while also being everything I needed.
He sighs seeing my eyes tear up. “Baby don’t- don’t cry….it’s just-….I can tell you’re not happy.” He says as he wipes a tear that escaped my eyes.
“I-I’m happy…” I say weakly.
But I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince. Me or him?
He sighs. Bringing a hand up to my cheek to wipe away another tear. His hand not moving. “You’re not. I can see it. I know you…I see it in your face when you look at him. Those beautiful eyes have never told me a lie.”
“You don’t know me anymore…” another lie. He knew me. He knew me. He knew my coffee order at every coffee shop on the island. He knew my favorite songs and the lyrics to all of them. He knew my favorite movie. He knew my favorite animal.
He laughs softly in disbelief.
“I don’t know you? I know you. I know your order at every Mexican restaurant on the island. I can recite your coffee orders in my sleep. I know every word to your favorite Taylor Swift songs. Your favorite movie is Beauty and the Beast and you love the soundtrack. You love penguins and you’re a dog person. I know you baby.”
I cry harder as he recites everything about me. On surface it’s not much. Small talk topics he could’ve figured out from social media. But it goes so much deeper. He knows what makes me tick. What I need when I’m sad. How to cheer me up even through tears.
If only he could do that now…
“Does that asshole even know your favorite Jane Austen book? Huh? Does he? Cause I do. And it’s Emm-“
“Stop! Just stop Rafe! Just- just go! Why-why are you doing this me? This isn’t fair.” I say wiping my tears. I was full on crying now.
“I can’t just sit back and watch you marry someone who’s not going to make you happy. You deserve so much better. You don’t deserve someone who’s never there for you, or doesn’t treat you well. You deserve someone who treats you exactly how you deserve to be treated - like the woman I love. I know I was stupid to let you go. I was young - and I thought I wanted freedom, but I was wrong. I haven’t known a minute of freedom since you left. I miss you, I miss us. And I need you more than I need air to breathe…”
“Please. Don’t marry him. Please baby…” He’s begging now. I’ve never seen Rafe Cameron beg for anything.
“Rafe I’m-I’m getting married in 12 days I can’t-“ I cut myself off with a sob.
He pulls me against his chest. I don’t protest as I cry harder. Pretty much sobbing now.
I clutch onto the end of his shirt. “I have to marry him Rafe…”
“Why? Why do you have to marry him? You know this isn’t what you want.” He says pleading with me. Running a soothing hand up and down my back. Providing me more comfort than I’ve known all of my relationship with Jackson.
“I know.” I say softly. My voice hoarse.
“Then don’t do it. Don’t marry him. I made the wrong choice a few years ago, but I’m here now. I want you not some false pretense of freedom. I can give you everything you’ve ever wanted. I can give you a ring that you actually like, and a house that we build together. I’ll give you anything you want, just don’t marry him. Be with me.” I pause when he mentions the ring. I look down to the gold ring on my left hand. Silently piecing things together.
“Did you send me a new ring?” I look back up him. Brows furrowed. My face puffy from crying. When I meet his eyes I see how utterly heartbroken he looks. It breaks me a little bit.
“I-uh…yeah I did.” He says. And as he confirms my theory I step away from him. Letting out sobs as I turn my back towards him. One hand cradling my stomach as the other covers my mouth.
“Hey - hey what’s wrong. Talk to me.” He says as he walks up behind me placing a soothing hand on my shoulder letting his hands rub me gently.
“Y-you remembered the ring.” I had shown him the type of ring I wanted back when I thought we were going to get married.
I was so stupid at 20. Or maybe I was just naive.
“Of course I remembered the ring. You showed it to me a million times. I know it was your dream ring and I couldn’t bear the idea of him giving you something you didn’t actually want…” He explains with a confused expression. Not quite sure why it was hurting me so bad.
The thought that he had gotten me a ring I wanted even though he didn’t want me marrying Jackson made me want to cry…and vomit.
“I-I can’t-“ My legs give out and I drop to my knees. Rafe immediately goes down with me. Pulling me into his chest. I was now cradled in his lap as he rocked me gently while I cried.
“Please don’t cry baby….it hurts me so bad.”
That night I fell asleep in Rafes arms.
THIRD PERSON POV:
As Rafe brought her to her hotel bed and tucked her in he couldn’t help but feel the urge to get in bed and hold her as she slept. But he knew how awful she’d feel if she woke up next to him knowing she betrayed Jackson. So he left a note next to her bedside and pressed a kiss to her forehead before leaving. The words “I love you” mumbled softly as she slept.
ELEVEN DAYS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: THE NEXT MORNING.
THIRD PERSON POV:
As Jackson walks into the hotel room of his future wife he can’t help the guilt eating at him. He brings in the takeout bags and starts to place it onto a tray.
He takes out the water and Advil he got from the pharmacy and brings it over to her bedside.
As he’s placing the hangover cure on her nightstand a paper written on hotel stationery catches his eye.
He reads through the paper.
“All my love, R.C.”
He folds up the note and places it back in his pocket before going back to the takeout bags. Ready to act as if nothing happened.
FIRST PERSON POV
I wake up with an empty feeling in my stomach. The same one I’ve had for 3 years, 7 months, 2 weeks, and 6 days.
I hear someone walking around the suite and as much as I know it’s probably Jackson…a part of me hopes…
Seconds later Jackson comes into my room with a smile. Holding a tray of food.
Odd. He’s never done sweet gestures for me like this.
“Good morning my love…I thought this would help cure the hangover. I ordered breakfast from that place you like downtown. You always talk about how much you wish we had one back at home so…” As he explains his reasoning for being here the sick feeling grows in my stomach. And I wish it was hangover sickness. I felt like such crap. Here he was being so sweet to me and I cried in the arms of another man last night.
I look around the room for any evidence Rafe was here. Feeling slightly disappointed but relieved that I didn’t find anything.
“Have fun last night?” Jackson says as he picks a blueberry off my plate.
“Uh yeah….it was really fun.” I smile and lie. But he can’t tell the difference so he nods his head before getting up and kissing my forehead.
“Well I have to go into work early tomorrow so the guys and I are heading back home but…I love you.” He says. He rarely says those three words. And that itself wouldn’t be weird. We’re getting married of course we tell each other we love each other. But paired with the weird domestic wake-up I had this morning it left an icky feeling in my stomach. But I smiled and nodded. Swallowing my food before replying.
“Okay…love you too.”
TWO DAYS BEFORE THE WEDDING DAY: THE REHEARSAL DINNER
“Have you seen my gold earrings?” I ask Jackson. Walking around our shared bathroom while he was shaving. We were getting ready for our rehearsal dinner before we left for the wedding venue in the morning.
“Which earrings?” He asks. Not pausing his movements of shaving his face.
“The ones I always-“ I huff in defeat knowing it’s no use. I’ve worn those earrings everyday for the past 9 years. They were Rafe’s 2 year anniversary gift to me.
I walk around the bedroom looking under a few things before my phone pings distracting me for a second. I walk over to it and turn the screen over to see an Instagram DM message request.
“Hey…I want to say I am so sorry to do this to you. I know you’re getting married in 2 days but there’s something you should know…”
THREE HOURS UNTIL WEDDING DAY: THE NIGHT BEFORE THE WEDDING
I was pacing around the cabin of my private room on the property of our venue.
The venue was a family owned property on the mainland. It was gorgeous. Jackson was in the cabin across the venue in the Groom’s cabin. I was staying in the Bridal lodge.
I felt nauseous. My throat felt like it was closing and the white matching way too expensive PJ set I was gifted especially for tonight felt like it was constricting my air. The cabin suddenly felt stuffy and like the walls were about to close in at any minute. I was all alone.
I pull out my phone quickly going to the only number I had on speed dial.
He picks up on the first ring - he always does.
RAFES POV
The whole day I had been sulking at home watching football and drinking whiskey. My lab Daisy sitting by my side as she watched me drown my sorrows.
Was she really going to marry him?
I had dozed off for a few hours before a phone ringing woke me up.
I look at the screen and immediately picked up.
“I need you.” I was standing up running to my shoes before the sentence was even over.
“I’m coming baby…I’m on my way just stay put okay?” Her shaky voice was breaking my heart. I grabbed my keys and made an hour long drive less than 40 minutes.
FIRST PERSON POV
I was sitting with my knees tucked to my chest. My eyes puffy and crying, sitting at the edge of the bed when Rafe barged in. He immediately dropped to his knees next to me. Pulling me into his lap. Cradling me as he rocked me back and forth.
“I’m here baby…I’m here.” He repeats the words like a mantra to ease my mind. And it does. But it doesn’t fill the pit in my stomach that seems to have taken a permanent residence.
“Talk to me baby…please you’re scaring me…” I could hear the fear in his voice. And I felt like such a dick. I called my ex boyfriend to help me the night before my wedding to another man.
I’m the worst.
“I-I’m so sorry….I didn’t know who else to call.” I get out between sobs. He shakes his head. Grabbing my face with both of his hands.
“Shhh….I just need you to tell me what you need. I’m right here. Just tell me how to help. Okay?”
How does he always know what to say? It’s ridiculous.
“I need out of this…” And at that sentence Rafe was pretty sure he could’ve cried a happy tear. But he needed to be sure.
“Out of what baby?” He knew. But he needed to know.
“You know what.” I pause before continuing. Sniffling and wiping my tears. “Jackson cheated on me. His bachelor party…she texted me the night our rehearsal dinner. She was their bartender in Charleston. But that’s not even the worst part…” I shake my head in disbelief at myself. “The worst part is I don’t even care. My fiancée cheated on me less than two weeks before our wedding. And I can’t find it in me to care.”
I knew I never loved Jackson. And that’s part of why I was marrying him. Because I knew that if I never loved him he’d never be able to hurt me…not like Rafe did at least.
I continue:
“I’m literally incapable of loving him because every inch of my heart belongs to you. And it kills me. I should be devastated right now. But- but all I can think is that I need you. And it’s so cold and you hate driving at night but this is the second time you’ve driven over an hour for me in two weeks.”
In reality it didn’t take Rafe an hour to get here. But he let me continue anyways.
“I’m terrible-“ He cuts me off.
“No. You’re perfect. I know you think you have to settle for this but you don’t. I’m not leaving you. I’ll always be here. Whether or not you get married in 12 hours I’m always going to be there when you need me. I don’t care what it is or where you are. You call and I’m there. You need me…and I’m right here baby. I’ll always be right here. I won’t let anybody hurt you.”
I look at him as he says that. And suddenly nothing about this makes sense. Why am I getting married to Jackson?
He sucks.
I stand up. Grabbing Rafes hands pulling him up with me.
“We need to leave.” I look around the room at my things. Rafe immediately nods and starts packing my things into my suitcase with me.
“Where do you need to go? I’ll take you anywhere baby. Car? Train? Plane? Boat? Fuck I’ll swim across the Atlantic for you baby.”
I pause and glance up at him from across my suitcase that we’re both knelt over. I meet his gaze. His eyes show me nothing but seriousness. Standing 10 toes behind his words. I wrap an arm around his neck and place an arm on his shoulder to steady myself as I lean in and kiss him.
He’s so taken aback but he kisses back after realizing this isn’t another one of his dreams that have felt like nightmares these past 3 years.
I pull away and he slightly sighs at the disconnect.
“Anywhere that’s not here. Just need to be with you. Please.”
2 HOURS UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AN HOUR LATER ON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT
I look around the room once more to make sure I have everything.
“You got everything you need baby?” He asks me and I nod.
“I’m gonna take this to the car.” I was carrying my pillow and blanket I had brought. Rafe insisted on carrying my bags. He nods but stays in his place before speaking up.
“Okay I’ll be there in a second I’m gonna take one last look around.” I nod before walking to his truck and getting inside.
THIRD PERSON POV:
Rafe pulls the object out of his pocket. Placing it on the dresser.
He grabs her bags taking one last look at the wedding dress hanging on the closet door before shutting the door behind him.
The silver ring shimmering in the moonlight sitting on the dresser where he left it.
FIRST PERSON POV
Rafe gets back in the car and looks over at me.
“If you change your mind I don’t mind-“ I cut him off.
“I’m not changing my mind. Now drive.” He smiles before putting the truck in reverse.
As we drive for a few minutes a question plagues my mind: Why didn’t he say anything the morning after the bachelorette party?
“Can I ask you something?” He glances over at me. He had a comforting hand on my thigh as he drove.
“Anything.” I smile at his answer while look at my lap before continuing.
“Why didn’t you say anything the morning after that night in Charleston? Not a text or a note or anything? I know you didn’t have to I just…hated waking up with no evidence that you had even been there.” Rafe’s brows furrow.
I did leave a note. He thought to himself.
“Baby I left a note on your dresser…didn’t you see it?” He says confused.
“No…the next morning I woke up and Jackson was…” I trailed off. Suddenly piecing everything together. Rafe seemed to as well. His grip on the wheel tightened and his jaw clenched.
“I left a note. I promise. But it’s not anything I won’t tell you to your face everyday for the rest of our lives. So don’t worry about it, pretty. Okay? I love you, baby.”
“I love you, Rafe.” And I truly meant it.
On the way to the airport we sang along to Taylor Swift songs we both knew. And suddenly the pit in my stomach was slowly being filled with laughter and the way he didn’t even ask me what I wanted when we stopped at McDonald’s.
To be loved it to be seen. And I had to have been invisible to Jackson.
23 MINUTES UNTIL THE WEDDING DAY: AT THE AIRPORT 11:37 PM
“Flight 237 is now boarding. This is the final call for passengers to LaGuardia Airport.”
Rafe looks at me as we get ready to board the plane.
“You ready?” He sticks out his hand. I smile at him.
“Yeah…I’m ready.” I take his hand and lean up and kiss him as we walk onto the plane.
I glance down at the gold ring on my finger. And I realize no one will ever see me as clearly and perfectly as Rafe sees me. And that’s all I could ask for.
“Hey” he looks back at me. Glancing up from his sports magazine. His brows raised waiting for me to answer.
“I love you.” I continue and smile. His gaze softens and he pulls me into another quick kiss. I hated PDA but I didn’t care. Not with him.
“I love you more than I can even describe.” He pauses before continuing. “If I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more.”
I don’t know a lot…but I know I’ve found my person. And everything’s okay. And for the first time in 3 years, 7 months, 4 weeks, and 2 days…I felt like I could breathe.
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peachhcs · 23 hours ago
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okay i would love to explore more of grace and sammy’s relationship!! i feel like her life is pretty testosterone filled so i’m sure samy always appreciated grace’s advice and support <3
HAHA “pretty testosterone filled” is soo funny but soo real poor girl didn’t know anything else but being around boys which is why she really loved having grace there in the summers and holidays :)
i feel like i don’t talk about their relationship as much so i’m glad someone brings it up!! she’s very big sister core, even to quinn and jack even though she was younger than them she still acted like an older sister to them which was always funny.
but yes!!! she definitely goes to grace for boy advice, talking about her first time ever with a guy when she was 16, advice about will, advice about college, etc. etc. (p.s. i’m going back to school soon 😔 so that’s why i’ve been posting so much and grinding these requests out bc i know i’m gonna be super busy when i start college again)
au masterlist
“so how’s that one guy..what’s his name? tyler?” grace asked the younger girl when it was just the two of them in the kitchen one morning because the boys went golfing.
samy flushed, “he’s good.”
“you’re blushing. it must be good,” the blonde teased when she saw samy’s pink cheeks. the brunette quickly brushed the comment off and shrugged.
“he’s nice and i like hanging out with him,” the girl said briefly.
“you guys have been hanging out a lot this summer..” grace wiggled her eyebrows to imply something that made the youngest hughes’ cheeks flush even more as she quickly hid her face.
“we just watch movies,” the girl mumbled.
“yeah, watch movies. i’ve definitely heard that one before,” grace couldn’t help but laugh because she’s used that so many times on her mom when she left to hang out with a boy.
“okay, we just make out and..sometimes we take our shirts off..and then sometimes he takes his pants off..ALL consensual of course,” samy’s blush burned to her ears talking about this in the open space of her kitchen where her parents could walk in at any second. grace quickly poked her arm though.
“okay, i see you. you’re getting in there,” grace grinned.
“ew, stop. do not say that to me,” the brunette cringed.
“okay, sorry, sorry. do you think you’ll take it to the next step?” grace genuinely wondered and samy shrugged. “i mean, i dunno.. maybe? i think we want to? i’ve just never..like..done that before,” the younger girl’s face burned again.
“that’s okay. the first time never has to be perfect. you just go with what you’re comfortable with and let the rest just kind of play out, you know?”
“what if hurts? or what if i bleed though?” the girl cringed again and ducked her head around looking for any indication that her mom was near.
“it’s relatively normal for it to hurt the first time, but once you get going the pleasure will kind of overtake the pain. if it keeps hurting though, don’t force yourself to keep going. bleeding is also normal too,” grace wasn’t a huge expert, but she knew a thing or two and hoped what she was telling samy was helpful.
“what was your first time like?” the younger girl’s couldn’t help but ask. she’d never ask her brothers any of this stuff, so she felt like having grace was her only chance to ask and asking her mom was just way out of the question.
“i was seventeen, so around your age. it was with that guy i was with, remember griffin?” samy nodded. “we were in his basement and we started making out and then we both were ready so..we just did it? it didn’t last that long, but we both enjoyed it,” grace explained.
“woah, griffin was your first time? i remember him. he was cool,” samy thought back to three years ago when griffin would be at thanksgiving and christmas.
“yeah, he was cool.”
“why’d you guys break up again?”
“we were just heading in different directions i guess and didn’t wanna hold each other back,” the older blonde shrugged some.
“would you ever think about..getting back together with him?” amicable breakups were always so hard sometimes.
“uh..i don’t know. i haven’t really talked to him awhile. plus, we’re talking about you, not me,” grace flushed and spun the conversation back to samy.
“i’m just scared i might regret having sex with him, but i really like him,” samy’s head fell into her hand and she sighed.
“well, don’t do anything that you aren’t 100% sure about. maybe just let things happen and if it starts happening and you don’t like it, you can always say no.”
“right, yeah. i guess that makes sense,” the brunette mumbled and grace reached forward to squeeze her arm.
“you’re so grown up, wow. i wish you were still six,” that made both girls laugh.
as soon as samy hung up the phone with her brothers, she immediately called grace hoping the older girl wasn’t busy. it rang almost four times before the call connected, “hey?”
“hey, gracie. sorry, am i bothering you?” samy worried she caught the older girl at a bad time based on the outside noise she could hear through the call.
“no, no. what’s up?” the background noise faded and samy guessed she was stepping somewhere more quieter.
“i just..i need some advice,” the brunette bit her lip as she toyed with the ends of her shirt.
“okay, what’s up?”
samy took in a deep breath before laying out everything she just did with her brothers a minute ago about how much of a hard time she was having with deciding on where to go to college and who’d she possibly disappoint if she picked one school over the other. grace listened silently until samy was finished and blew out a long sigh.
“wow,” grace said first.
“yeah, wow.”
“well, what do you want, sam?”
“that’s the problem, i don’t know,” the brunette groaned, falling back onto her bed.
“have you weighed pros and cons?” grace wondered.
“i’ve done about everything under the sun and i still can’t make a decision. going to mich would keep me close to home, but going to boston would give me a new perspective i don’t see a lot, you know? plus, i’d be with will and all of them.”
“well, you know my brother is gonna support you whenever you go. he wants you to be happy, samy. i know your brothers want the same and so do your parents. what do the soccer programs look like?” the youngest hughes blushed hearing grace tell her how happy will would be for her no matter what.
“they’re both really great. i mean, great as in i love the team atmosphere and the coaches. the programs could be worked on,” the brunette shrugged.
“i think you should go where your heart leads you. you’d have a lot of support wherever you choose because of my parents in boston and your parents in michigan,” grace said softly and samy rubbed a frustrated hand over her face.
“i know it’s a given how you chose, but can you tell me besides your family legacy what made you choose boston?”
“i guess..i just really liked the values boston college had. i loved how the campus looked and even though it is a fairly big school, i still felt a very strong community within it and i just knew i could picture myself here for four more years even though i literally grew up here,” the older blonde laughed a bit. “i guess you just gotta pick the place that feels like home to you.”
“what if both feel like home to me for different reasons?” samy admitted, rolling to her side to look out the window.
“what are the reasons?”
“well michigan obviously because of my brothers and my family’s tie to here. i’ve always loved the school whenever i watched quinn and luke play in the yost. for some reason i could always picture myself in the student section when i was older cheering the team on. but with boston..it just holds such a nostalgia to me since we only visited to see you and will. i love the city and well..will would be there and i guess..technically..will is my home in some ways?” samy cringed a bit hearing that come out of her mouth because she never would’ve thought in a million years she’d say that about the blonde.
“well, isn’t someone feeling sappy,” grace teased.
“shut up. i still find him annoying as hell,” that made both of the girls laugh.
“speaking of my brother..how are you guys?” grace changed the subject for a moment figuring samy would wanna get her mind off of college decisions for a bit.
good thing the older girl couldn’t see samy’s face because the brunette blushed hard.
“we’re..fine. i guess. i don’t know,” things were feeling really complicated between her and will recently and samy didn’t exactly know how to feel about it. “kevin and i are still together if that’s what you’re asking.”
“samy.”
“i know, i know i need to talk to him, but…i just can’t. i don’t know grace. the idea of liking will as something more than a friend..it’s crazy. i’ve only known him as another annoying brother,” grace knew all about samy and will’s drunk little kisses they shared in the past year and the confusion the youngest hughes has been having about her feelings towards the boy.
she was hoping being with kevin would help her forget thinking about kissing will in the bathroom when they were drunk, but it was actually doing really little.
“i just feel like this is gonna end badly for all of you. kevin will be hurt, you’ll be hurt, will be hurt.”
“i just don’t even know how one would even bring that up? hey sorry, i’m kind of leading you on because i’ve been kissing my best friend but only when we’re drunk and we never talk about it after and i act like it doesn’t happen, so i started dating you to forget about it? yeah, sounds real great.”
“well, don’t say it like that, but..i just don’t want you getting hurt, samy,” grace said.
“plus, i don’t even know if will even likes me like that. he probably doesn’t because liking your best friend is crazy,” samy went on and grace stayed silent which made the younger girl’s ears perk up. “do you know something?”
“no, i don’t. even if i did, i wouldn’t do my brother that dirty. i’m just saying, sam. it’s an awkward conversation, but it saves a lot of hurt in the end.”
“i know. i’ll..work on it.”
“on a different note, i am really surprised how close you and will have gotten in the past year. i remember when you guys used to hate one another,” the older smith giggled.
“we still kind of do,” samy snickered.
“either way, i’m glad you guys have worked out your differences and are close. it’s good he has someone being so far away from home,” her words made both of them smile.
“well, he’s become my rock so i don’t think our friendship will go away anytime soon,” the brunette grinned. “which is why i’m having a hard time choosing schools because what do i do when i’ve spend two years seeing will every single day to not seeing him for months on end?”
“yeah..i don’t really know honestly, sam. do what your heart wants on the inside. the first place that comes to your mind whenever you’re thinking about this,” grace said and images of michigan flashed in samy’s mind which quickly seemed to be her answer.
“god, i can’t believe you guys are going to college already,” grace was in town to help samy and will pack their things up for college. while will was out, the older blonde drove to ann arbor to see the brunette and catch up before school started.
“me neither. i didn’t think i’d be this sad about it honestly,” samy laughed while labeling her bins.
“you guys grew up way too fast for my liking, but i’m really proud of you guys. you’re gonna do really great at mich,” the blonde smiled.
“i’m really excited. we already have a groupchat for soccer and all the girls are so excited to welcome us freshmen in.”
“that’s really sweet. you’re gonna flourish, i just know it and i’ll be watching like i always do,” grace’s words were sentimental and it was taking a lot in samy to not burst out into tears these past few days as she said her goodbyes and packed her room away.
“how’s will’s packing doing? he was making progress when i saw him two days ago,” the brunette giggled.
“he’s getting a lot done with my help and mom’s. you know, he keeps talking about you, like, every conversation i swear he brings you up,” the younger hughes’ cheeks burned hearing that. it still felt so foreign to her to have this side of her will’s relationship unlocked and hearing him talk about her like that from other people.
“how surprised were you when you found out?” samy wondered while grace took a breather for a second by sitting on samy’s bed.
“surprised, but i did kind of see it coming. plus, i knew he had crazy feelings for you,” the blonde laughed.
“yeah, i’ve heard. i guess ryan and gabe’s teasing really was true.”
“it was also really obvious to everyone but you guys. we all basically knew,” that made samy flush even more. “but i’m really happy for you guys. i’ve never seen will so smiley and happy about someone before.”
“it sucks that we’re only getting together at the end of summer basically. i’m gonna really miss him,” samy admitted with a small frown.
“i know it sucks, but i think long distance will be good for you guys because you can grow into yourselves outside of your relationship you know? be your own person. plus, you guys already know everything about one another so you’ve already made it over the hardest part,” the oldest smith sibling hummed.
“i guess so. i just wish we had a little more time together. feels like i just got him and now i’m losing him for months on end.”
“knowing will, he’ll beg you to fly out,” that made them laugh.
“it’s so cliche, you know? childhood best friends fall in love with one another later on. we really hit that one on the head,” samy giggled.
“i don’t think it’s cliche. i think it’s cute. i always feel like the relationships that were friendships first always work out the best because you already know everything about one another, you know?”
“yeah like how he always pooped his pants when we were like five,” the girls laughed again.
“it will fly by, i promise.”
samy thought of will out with some of his friends right now. he wondered what they were doing and how she was gonna see him later tonight when she drove back with grace after packing some more.
to no one’s surprise, will was also thinking of samy. anytime he looked at his phone, he saw the lockscreen of the two of them together and the blonde always grinned seeing her there.
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coachbeards · 3 months ago
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How many times do you think I can say “i hate naudrey being james’s parents” lmao
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fifthnailinstevesbat · 10 months ago
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steve “cant get out of bed till middle of the day, barely leaves his house or is never home, isolating himself from everyone, never takes time for himself anymore, depressed and is slowly losing more and more of himself every single day” harrington post 1986’
robin “i know you loved her, and it must’ve killed that she wouldn’t take you back, but nancy is happy steve and she still loves you. she’s not the only one out there for you, and you’ve gotta get over it. we miss you” buckley post 1986’, trying to help her best friend
steve “…this isn’t about nancy” harrington.
robin “wha-?… oh. oh steve.” buckley.
he still wears the vest.
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fruitbythefoot7 · 9 months ago
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will loves mike the way mike wants to be loved 
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izzielizzie · 1 year ago
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rereading one of us is back has me angry about how disjointed the oouin trio is all over again. like you’re telling me that phoebe was found drugged and in a shed after an argument and maeve and knox had no reaction ??? phoebe is maeve’s best friend (and one of TWO friends she made on her own in remission). not to mention knox is in LOVE with phoebe. they know her better than anyone in the bayview crew and we got NATE’s pov of all people when the crew was searching for her?
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twinknote · 7 months ago
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i have a feeling my mom (who has acted extremely upset + sympathetic about me sweating profusely in my shitty 80+ degree room) is going to tell me that they can’t help me replace my 20+ year old ac unit for $250, even tho they are about to pay Thousands of dollars to replace their central ac bc clearly her needs are more important than mine (when one of my worst and most impactful symptoms is heat intolerance, which makes me dehydrated and even more dizzy and fatigued and i’ve been getting dehydration headaches even tho i’m drinking almost a gallon a day)
#like idk if it’s just the ptsd and i’m psyching myself out for nothing but i don’t feel good abt it#to the point of being extremely anxious abt asking her abt it and not knowing how to approach the convo not angrily#it’s just extremely frustrating bc i 100% Know my stepdad has the money to help me. if he says no it’s literally just bc he doesn’t like me#and cares more abt having retirement money than me not being even more ill and suicidal than i already am#Anyway i’ve been feeling like i’m being hunted for sport all day#and regardless i’m ordering it tomorrow bc i Cannot keep living like this and it’s a basic need#it would just be like half of the money i’ve worked to save up down the drain#and even longer until i can move out which i Desperately need to do at this point#idk man it’s just like. if they don’t offer to even help w Half of the cost i will have lost All trust in Her especially#bc 99% of the time she doesn’t give a single shit what that man thinks. she spends his money Constantly#literally in the past month she spent like $300 on a Bush Trimmer and a Chainsaw#she pays $200 monthly for an art studio that she barely uses#but ah yes my immediate safety and health is too much to ask for. totally understandable#just Extremely maddening when she constantly tells me that she’ll do Anything to help me and was like Why didn’t you tell me sooner????#abt my ac not working#like my brother in christ letting me bring a tower fan up to my room is not going to fix the situation 👍#ventnote
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fluffypotatey · 2 days ago
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I'm thinking about an AU where like...Ody picks up a feral kid from an island who stows away on the ship. It'd be good to get some whimsy on that ship and maybe things go better. Hope Penelope doesn't mind an extra kid + Telemachus having a wild child of a little sibling now. Very overly enthusiastic, half the crew is terrified, other half is like "yeah the kid has good survival technique ideas." Ody is like, "please stop gleefully mopping the bloodied castle" after kid decides to be helpful. Proceeds to kick a suitors head out of the hallway so OdyPen can walk around together peacefully.
excuse you, that child is helping!!! Ody, Telemachus, and Oebelope are reuniting and tired and this child, out of the goodness of their heart is cleaning the palace (with aid of course) 😤
they don’t need to bc by that point their an official ward of the palace, but it the thought that counts (they totally loot the suitor’s stuff in the process)
#but yeah Ody and his men having a child along for their trip would be so fun!#(and why i still daydream about what if Ody didn’t throw the infant from the wall of Troy)#you’d have Polites spoiling them while Eurylochus is now calculating rations for 600 men + child. what to entertain them bc space is small#Ody daydreaming about Telemachus (imma say he projects some of his desires of being the dad he wanted to be sans Troy on the kid)#and i am already team big brother Telemachus so when Ody arrives with a kid Telemachus is so onboard bc now HE gets to tell#the kiddo tales and play with them and educate them about Ithaca (they have been given a rundown by the crew but the kid indulges)#Penelope is apprehensive at first bc it’s definitely not HER kid but it does not look like Ody#and she knows her husband inside and out#so after the apprehension is appeased Penelope is onboard for a new kid#she knows how lonely her son was I. Those years they waited for their missing family to return#(and sure we can speculate over whether or not the kid can get past Zeus’s Lightning bolt but imma ignore that for now)#(we will all assume the kid just survives it all and is there with Ody even if other crew members aren’t)#asks#epic the musical#the odyssey#(actually wait what if the kid was from Calypso’s island? 👀 washed ashore long ago and stayed bc Calypso refused to let them go)#(she projects her dreams of caring for another at the corner of the child ever growing/aging. they have been a child for so long)#(a blessing and curse. they do not envy Calypso’s difference of affection for Ody. but they do not refuse when offered a chance to leave)
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titsthedamnseason · 8 months ago
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it’s not funny anymore. i need xander and spencer’s book
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lazarus-lazuli · 3 months ago
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i might be autistic tbh bc whenever someone comes at me with a nasty attitude instead of getting offended or angry i am just Shocked. like speechless. flabbergasted. not even in a “how could you be mean to me, i am just a wittel forest creture i cannot change this 🥺” way but in a “how in the actual fuck am i meant to respond to that’ type of way
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beware-of-you-98 · 27 days ago
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Is there a single witch in this little corner of the MCU whose life isn’t completely fucking depressing
#likeeee baby ik that’s on brand for Marvel in general#but yall got me fucked UP#i already knew how SAD agatha’s life was#but then i watched wandavision and got depressed#like damn no one giving these girlies a BREAK#agatha harkness#wanda maximoff#AND THEN I WATCHED AAA AND GOT EVEN MORE DEPRESSED#BC WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ABSOLUTE BABY HAD A GENERATIONAL CURSE THAT WAS SO BAD THAT HER MOM HAD TO TWIST THE BALLAD AS A PROTECTION SPELL#AND IT DIDN’T EVEN WORK#AND WDYM THIS KOOKY OLD BAT WAS REALLY JUST SUFFERING FROM TERRIBLE PTSD BECAUSE SHE COULDN’T SAVE HER COVEN BUT COULD HAVE#AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN THIS ABSOLUTE HBIC HAS BEEN BOUND FOR A HUNDRED YEARS AND SHE’S ANGUISHED BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T UNDERSTAND HOW#there’s the bastard child that defies the very laws of creation by existing but he Really Shouldn’t#and then something terrible happens and he has no idea who or what he is but he knows He’s not HIMSELF#and it troubles him so MUCH that he creates a fictional set of Trials in his desperation to figure it out#killing Most of the people that would even have a slim understanding of who he is#AND GOD OKAY#YOU HAVE A WITCH THAT WAS BETRAYED BY HER FAMILY THE ONLY PEOPLE SHE’S EVER TRUSTED#AND SHE KILLS THEM EVEN THO SHE DOESN’T MEAN TO#AND THE ONE ENTITY IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE TO UNDERSTAND HER IS DEATH#AND HER CHILD FUCKING DIES BECAUSE HE WAS NEVER MEANT TO LIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE SO SHE BECOMES DESPERATE TO FEEL ANYTHING BUT HER ANGUISH#AND THRU NO FAULT OF HER OWN SHE GOES THRU CENTURIES OF BEING CALLED A MONSTER A KILLER AND EVIL#NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES SHE TELLS PEOPLE SHE CAN TRY TO BE GOOD#SO IN THE END SHE JUST LETS PEOPLE BELIEVE IT TO BE TRUE#I JUST#WOW#i could also write a loose comprehensive essay on wanda but I did only watch clips from the movies to understand her#but she’s just like agatha in the sense that people call her evil for just being Desperate and Sad and Alone and what else can she do#she just has to go with it
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milflewis · 10 months ago
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.
#in a strange place today and i need to put this somewhere. i do not have a journal yet. this is it#my grandad was diagnosed with dementia years ago and the grandad i have now is often unrecognisable from the one i grew up with#and while this like isn’t fun and it is strange for him to look at me and not know me more times than he does. it has also been kind of l#lovely?#bc he thinks my granny is still alive so whenever i get to go see him i get to pretend she is too. and she is for a minute. and tho i am#glad she went before him. it is nice to say oh i’m popping in to see her after this grandad and talk about her like she’s hasn’t been gone#since i’ve been ten. my dad has spoken more to him in the last five years than he has his whole life#he was not an easy man. he was loud and friendly and hard working and funny and scary but not easy. in ways he is even#harder now. in others he is easier.#he is more of a child. this is what dementia can do to a brain. we are learning things about his childhood that no one alive has ever spoken#about. that no one knew. my dad doesn’t love him more now but he understands him better#my grandad taught me how to drive a tractor and how to fish through my dad and he has not recognised me in over a year and he#hasn’t walked since he broke his pelvis seven years ago and his muscles are nearly all gone. he is a fraction of the size he used to be. his#personality and body took up my childhood like adults on the screen in cartoons. he hasn’t dressed himself in a decade. he told one of the#nurses that after dinner he wanted ice cream plain like herself and nearly peed when she laughed and told him to fuck off#he is in there. he is himself. i know him. but he isn’t. he doesn’t know me but he allows me to tell him how to ppl he knows are doing. he#still somehow trusts me. we talk a lot about my granny and how she stayed up watching tv again last night so she’s tired today. don’t stay#long when you call in to see her?#whenever we would journey to see him and my granny and get in v late he’d ask us if we wanted apple tart and my granny would say michael.#not ur kids. u can’t parent them. he didn’t know my name yesterday but he asked me if i wanted apple tart#i hope he dies soon. for all that i will miss this. miss my dad having this. he would not want to live like this. it wouldntbe living to him
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riftsmagic · 27 days ago
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I want to enjoy this game so bad bc I paid money for it and I’ve invested 70 hours of my life into it already. but I’ve gotten to a point where it’s SO hard not to get critical every time anything happens. im losing it
#I started off really enjoying it!! so I know I didn’t go in with a negative bias#it just happens that a lot of choices made in the game run me the wrong way and I keep noticing them#too many noticing thems is adding up to make it just feel… weird most of the time#I really enjoy the gameplay. it’s visually very pretty. I like the puzzles pretty well#combat is fun except that I’ve hit a stage where they seem to have increased difficulty by increasing the number of enemies#and not by like. creating new and interesting kinds of bosses or mechanics for the fights. and that’s frustrating#I don’t like not knowing what to do bc of chaos rather than not knowing what to do bc I need to learn new strategies or patterns#I like the characters a lot but some of the dialogue is like. clumsy#some people say things that feel stilted. or they have to reiterate what words mean every time they come up#instead of trusting the player to remember that this is a proper noun that dropped in the past#how many times do I have to hear bellara specify that the nadas dirthalen is the archive spirit… 70 hours in I think she can stop specifying#and a lot of stuff just fits together weirdly#like I got a quest from Harding to go to the lords of fortune. I get there and talk to her and we have one conversation#then she gets a headache and is like ‘i have to go to this place’ ‘it’s a trap’ ‘yep’ ‘I’ll pack my things’#(no continuation quest activates. that’s the whole thing)#also speaking of quests. I love the visual style of varric’s narrating after all the important quests#but the fact that he literally just spoils everything that’s about to happen is WILD?? dude let there be some mystery#I don’t need to know that taash’s big bad is gonna kidnap their mom next. why would you tell me that.#im losing my mind
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