#like it’s serious.

[titsthedamnseason]

it’s not funny anymore. i need xander and spencer’s book

[starbuck]

“…to me” is one of the most powerful disclaimers we have on here… is this character analysis accurate? debatable. but it’s real… to me.

[inbabylontheywept]

so once me and my wife were watching a documentary where a snake ate like a million eggs. that snake just went to fucking town on eggs. and the snake made the eggs look so good that i kept thinking about it, and thinking about it, and thinking about it, and eventually it was 11pm and i ran out of willpower and decided to eat one (1) singular raw egg just to prove to myself that the snake was surely a liar.

the snake was not a liar. texture is like, super important to me and raw eggs are very Texture so i had another one, and then another one, and then another one, and eventually i ran out of eggs.

i had like, fifteen raw eggs.

i didnt really know how to explain this momentary madness to my wife, so my Plan was to put all the eggshells into a grocey bag, and then throw that grocery bag in the dumpster, and if she never noticed that would be Excellent and if she noticed immediately i could lie and say that the eggs went bad.

except i cant lie very good, and of course with murphys law being such, i got salmonella.

so i threw up a lot and my wife asked me what poisoned me so and i tried very hard to dodge the question but i was oozing shame like oil from a room temperature cheese and eventaully i gave in and told her everything and to her enormous credit she was more flabbergasted than actually upset. she did make me promise to not eat any more raw eggs, which i have stuck to, and she gives me weird looks during nature documentaries now as if desire was the only thing keeping me from eating thousands of pounds of krill anyway i made a joke earlier about being able to eat my age in eggs and my sister in law in law made a drawing to comemorate the moment and also because it was my birthday. she's excellent. thank you 10000000% @cintailed. you should all visit her page and admire her work.

[liquidstar]

my brother was making fun of me and our other brother for having the same haircut, and we were immediately like "what the fuck are you talking about? you had this EXACT SAME haircut like a year ago. this is your haircut too. jackass." so we start arguing back and forth until our mom stops us and says "come here." and she brings out her ID from when she was a teenager and... its the same haircut.

[mythtakens]

“these characters should be mentally healthy before they get together 😌” ummm no I actually think we should smash their mental illnesses together like clumps of play-doh and see what colors it makes

[rollercoasterwords]

pet peeve is when a fellow hater conducts their haterism such that they leave the hater community vulnerable to attack. “i think characterizing Character A in x way is boring and annoying” = beautiful, flawless, unimpeachable haterism. no one can tell u that u aren’t allowed to find a certain characterization boring. “it is morally/objectively wrong to characterize Character A in x way” = sloppy, reactionary, overcommitting. you have left our eastern flank open to attack girl what the hell….now my dedicated hater troops are taking fire from YOUR enemies fuckkkkk

[oldbutchdanielcraig]

hey guys if you’re planning on making a vaguepost on the dashboard can you message me with the details and some of the lore behind the vague post you’re making. a vaguepost for the dash and a detailedpost for me. because i like to know what’s going on. if you do this i will automatically take your side because you’ve done the right thing by letting me know what’s up. thanks in advance ❤️

[thirstywaffles]

that was sick

[merrigel]

Everybody do the wenis!

Gif alt:

[cumaeansibyl]

I was just browsing around here at random and I think the current generation of social media users need to re-learn a certain truth:

the Secret Service will investigate all perceived threats to the president or top government officials, even if they are clearly unserious.

Now, they aren't going to arrest you for joking about it. They are going to show up at your house with printouts of your tumblr and other social media and ask you some very pointed questions and it's going to be extremely uncomfortable. They want you to know that they know what you said, and that if you were planning to do more than talk, you should stop that, because now they have their eye on you.

And yeah, in the back of their minds they're thinking "what if this seemingly harmless poster actually turns out to have a gun and a plan, and we dismiss them because we think they couldn't possibly be serious?" But mainly the first thing.

Let me make one thing clear: I am expressing neither approval or disapproval of this practice. I am stating the fact that they've done this for decades -- it's not a particular feature of the new administration. And given that their one and only job is keeping some very unpopular people alive, it makes sense that they're being damn sure no one slips through the cracks. Because it only takes one.

Oh, and just for the record, if you use common censorship techniques to talk about "unaliving" or "k*lling" someone you shouldn't, they can still find you. Some of these people have been on the social media beat for years by now, you know they speak fluent TikTok.

Be safe out there, okay? Don't get put on a list for a dumb joke.

[batcavescolony]

Non-Americans please look away, this is private family matter.

[bixels]

me too, luna.

[spacedace]

What is it about laying on the floor when you're overwhelmed that makes everything feel so much better?

[mausolealdrift]

its baffling seeing people on here being all shocked about how other ppl didnt have sex or do drugs or drink or go to parties etc etc in high schools like. sorry i was too busy getting bullied to do all of that stuff i guess. why are you surprised that there’s losers on the cringe loser website

[cat-in-a-mech-suit]

Being forcefully raised as a woman is not any less traumatic and emotionally repressive as being forcefully raised as a man. Femininity is not inherently pure and safe. Coercing someone to perform femininity is not any less toxic than coerced masculinity. Being dysphoric around femininity or having trauma from women doesn’t make you a misogynist.