#bc from what iv seen that is rly good but then i didnt do that either 😭😭😭😭 SAD !!

[caruliaa]

got a sudden urge to listen to the twisted soundtrack and now i am. i should rewatch it

[phagodyke]

venting sorry... don't want to just delete it bc it helps to get it out just ignore this post pls 👍

haven't slept much at all and feeling so sick andstressed and in pain bc my period is due and so tired its making me dizzy but i cant sleep more or ill just feel more sick and I want a hug and to cry so hard into someones shoulder but no one cares or will even come near me it makes me feel diseased they think things about me that aren't true bc I struggle so much to communicate and thry all make assumptions insteqd and no one wants to give me space to talk to them about it so I cant undo that now and its all my fault and I'm so. exhausted :-(

[anime-grimmy]

Soooo, you've probably noticed Ive been replaying HZD recently so my mind's been stuck on the franchise for a while.

I finally took the time to actually try and experience Burning Shores for the first time, this time with an unbiased opinion.

Bcs, ngl, when it came out, I was very negative towards it for a couple of reasons. It already started out with me not being able to freaking play this DLC, even though I was so excited for it, cos while HFW was on PS4, the DLC wasnt. And Im wasnt going to buy a whole ass PS5 just for a DLC.

(I will get it once I buy a PS5 for MH Wilds though).

And then, ofc, the elephant in the room - Seyka, or rather Aloy's relationship with her.

I'll preface this with, though it should be obvious with my content, I do NOT have a problem with Aloy being in a gay relationship.

What rly irked me, and honestly still irks me, is that Aloy finally gets to experience new feelings IN A FUCKING DLC. AN EXTENSION A LOT OF THE PLAYERBASE WONT PLAY.

The second reason I didnt enjoy this decision was bcs it felt so rushed. I mean, we're talking about Aloy here! Miss "I dont have time for feelings bcs I gotta save the world"! Miss "I barely just learnt to let others in"!

From what Ive heard, the DLC is over the course of a few weeks/months, so it's not like they fell in love just like that, but Ive also heard that while playing you do not get a feel for that passage of time. I'll have to experience that for myself though.

Now that Ive had some distance from the franchise though, my feelings have changed a bit

Im not going to lie and say I now loooove this decision. No, I am still miffed such enourmous character developement for Aloy is stuck IN A DLC. Not to mention that it was such a bold move to try this with a new character, cos this relationship being perceived well hinges on the player liking Seykay and that fast. Imo she's a fine character but also nothing special.

Now, I do have to say, I am really happy that Aloy has finally come so far that she allows such intimate feelings to develop, or rather, that the devs let her be this way. I know a lot of us still perceive Aloy as this single minded protag, that wont let anyone in bcs "the mission is too important", so Im glad Guerilla shows us that Aloy has undergone quite the growth.

Im also pleasantly surprised that Guerilla has the guts to include romance for Aloy, bcs they were one leg in the "strong women need no (wo)men" pit, so it's great to see they dont let Aloy fall into that trope.

Now, for the FUN part.

I actually have a conspiracy theory, ie I am gaslighting myself on why such a big thing is stuck in a DLC.

I think Guerilla is testing the waters to see how players react. I am pretty sure they can gather the data on what dialogue options players used, so Im thinking this:

Guerilla is trying to gauge the player reaction on a) Aloy developing feelings, b) players thinking Aloy is ready/willing for a relationship, c) same sex relationships. They tried killing quite a few birds with one stone.

I have seen quite a few teasing, winky face posts and replies from Guerilla staff about romance options in the third installment, so my guess (delusion) is that the relationship is hidden in the DLC so Guerilla can plan on how much and obvious to include several romance options in the last title.

I know this is all just wishful thinking, but even if Seyka is a good character, I hope to fucking god that they dont just take that relationship decision away from us, esp with a character bound to a DLC.

Guerilla gave us such a wonderful cast of characters over the last two games, and if they want to give Aloy an "end game" in the third title, I hope they do let us choose with who. Or at least I hope they dont force a relationship we cant choose onto us.

Cos as much as Aloy is her own person, it is still US that make the decisions in game. Through our individual playstyles , we give Aloy our own interpretation. Now, we cant change her core values, but still, I hope to GAIA that Guerilla will give us enough wiggle room.

(Guerilla, Im begging you, Ive already waited 8 years, please dont let my ship sink)

[mekatrio]

anime con log diary whatever

the epic outfit for today:

thankfully no traffic so that was epic. i was there pretty early (10:30-ish) so it was easy to find parking. got lost in the mall for like ten minutes until me and friend found some staff members for the con, and they showed us the way. the entrance was rly out of the way lol, usually theres two point of entries, but one was out of service. u had to follow a rly specific path to get there. there were also a bunch of buddha statues near the entrance stairway?

idk what was up with that. anyways since we were early there was no queue for us to get in. very nice. also its the weekday so i heard that theres significantly less ppl here today than there'll be the next two days. also very nice.

several booths were still being set up while we walked around. we checked out the official vendors first before checking out the artist alley, which was the main reason we were there. immediately my friend finds and starts buying some hoyoverse merch. i check the booths out w her for a while and then i get myself a green tea latte. then we check out the goodsmile booth and i find these

very cool but i do not get them, bc 1.) expensive, and 2.) i do not like plastic figurines. i also stop my friend from buying a persona 5 joker figurine. she goes and buy some more hoyoverse stuff instead. then we go check out the artist alley... and then friend realizes she left her water bottle somewhere. and as per usual with the cons i go to w her, we are seperated. and then we meet up again, but not before i buy two epic items:

i am sooo happy w these two purchases 💜 they were the only ones of their kind, so im glad i got them when i did. the gengar plush will live on my purple bag and be gomamons new neighbor, like so:

^ this was also how my bag looked for the rest of the day 🤭 yayyyy 💞 anyways after looking thru the artist alley some more, we take a break to get some food. cuz we barely had anything for breakfast and we are fucking starving. the food area looks like this:

and everything there was unsurprisingly expensive lol. me and friend get the cheapest thing there, which are pizzas

tho im kinda starting feeling nauseous at this point.. and have to keep myself from throwing up. thats what happens when u take supplements + drive + drink a green tea latte on a nearly empty stomach and little sleep. dont do that. so i go to the bathroom and freshen up, and eventually i feel better. i eat three slices of pizza and give the last slice to friend, and sadly have to throw away the rest of the latte or i would feel sick again. but i feel way better now that ive eaten.

we then spend the next two hours going thru the rest of the artist alley. me and my friend joked abt the possibility of finding at least 1 (one) kgpr merch. or possibly tota merch. but unsurprisingly, there was absolutely none Lol. tho i did find vesperia merch instead

literally only one booth was selling vesperia merch haha. also surprisingly there were quite a few ace attorney merchs? its surprising to me cuz the last art event i went to only had one narumitsu sticker in the entire place. but here there were several

^like this artist, who i didnt know was based in malaysia! ive seen their comics on tumblr a few times. didnt buy from them tho, sorryyy.. anyways, various pics from the artist alley:

after we finished looking thru the artist alley and had bought our fill of art (and good god did my friend buy loads of art), i checked out a second hand vendor that i saw earlier. they had loadssss of stuff, and me and friend spent a good 15 minutes digging thru this massive tub of pins and keychains in hopes of finding smth good

i was rly hoping to find something tota or kgpr in here, cuz if they were anywhere in this convention they would be here.. but sadly there was none haha. it was rly funny digging thru this thing, i kinda felt like a racoon/archeologist. oh but i did find these two pins which made me laugh

and in the end i found and bought a bunch of revue starlight merch + a cute embroidered pin

and then after that we finally left the con.. we spent a good 5 hours in there. we went to a store for me to grab some stuff for home, then played 2 rounds of taiko hehe (6 songs total). then we went to grab some food

^ the mall the convention is in also has a fucking river flowing thru it lol. i remember seeing this as a kid, its been over ten years since ive last been here

then i drove my friend home in ATROCIOUS weather... omfg it was raining so heavily. and stupid navigation app sent me to drive on some nearly flooded roads 😑😑😑😑 but we made it in one piece and i chilled in her room for a bit. she took a pic of everything she brought... which was SO MUCH LOL

^her haul. and then finally i arrived back home.. here is my comparatively much smaller haul:

but yayy it was a fun day today ✌️ but now i have work tomorrow.. bahhhh

[narwhalandchill]

hsr 2.1 kit leaks

ok idk how but even w the preliminary aventurine kit leaks i didnt register before seeing a comment on how he would actually just shred in herta+himeko FUA teams for PF too and im just? obsessed actually i Love this

like PF is already in that weird place where sustains are kinda good still but kinda useless but aventurine being an actual FUA sub dps in addition to his shielding is just? so fucking good and will go so well with the never ending follow up after follow up death spiral that himeko and herta inherently bring to PF it should be a massacre 💀💀 i cant wait

anyway his kit looks sick i rly love how its designed. ACTUAL sub dps potential in a sustain finally 😭😭 and how much crit rate (40%) he gets just from reaching 3600 def is just? so delicious. obviously the fact that he will want crit, def, spd and possibly eff res too means you kinda need to invest hard into his build to rly get the most out of him but i love that blonde fucker so. yeah ill commit. i farmed my ass off for my fu xuan to be as stacked as she is i Will do it again 🫡🫡

the eff res hes giving to the team is actually massive too ?? CC immunity to himself when his passive effect is up? shields on skill no ult dependency and shield stacking on teammates being attacked and FUAs (and like. hes not dependent on FUA teams lmao its just going to boost him) just like that???

AND hes fast as fuck somehow like what 😭😭😭😭 bro looks stacked as hell i hope he stays strong. aventurine with that 106 speed rly out there running from the consequences of his antics 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️💀

anyway wow im hype for this bastard i Cannot wait for his animations

as for acheron im. somewhat interested? but not like too pressed abt it for now. her stacking mechanic seems interesting and ive already seen the asset leaks for her red ultimate state (which is like 700% better than her base design) but if you only see that design for a v short time idk how much itll motivate me to get her.

the lack of LC options definitely hurts like. all i realistically have for her is s3 GNSW but thats on kafka rn. ig if i got acheron i prolly wouldnt be running them at the same time but its still food for thought ig

also she really copied neuvillettes homework for that nihility team passive HSJSJSKSKF idk how i feel abt it like w our current cast it kinda feels pretty tricky to genuinely get a strong team going for an actual max stack team for acheron. like run her with pela and what? guinaifen? ig we will see what shes all abt

ig i just dont feel as much of an incentive for a lightning dps for now w kafka but eh i might go for acheron still. i do have a guarantee tho so it might be nice to save it for aventurine straight up bc then i could maybe go for his LC since it gets him even more sub dps potential but who knows

ig only gripe w aventurine (which isnt that big of deal rly) is the current lack of FUA charas like idm building ratio eventually even having daniel (and them having such heavy synergy is very funny. renheng could never 💀) n i could see myself maybe getting topaz even if im not a huge fan of her character (tho i do think shes well written; my mixed feelings r a result of her being complex) but idk. i hope we get more leaks for upcoming FUA charas.

obviously theres xueyi but her FUAs arent That frequent and unironically i wouldnt Want someone like aventurine w his likely frequent FUAs on her team eating away the toughness bar from her so itd only really work against enemies who are quantum weak but not imaginary. but worth thinking abt still. at least herta n himeko will be a guaranteed PF synergy for him so thats hype

and most important of all: def mainstat with double crit we are so back. relics with double crit that half rolled into def we are so back. etc etc etc

[rpfisfine]

do you hate miles?🤨

i was wondering when someone would send me an ask like this yeah i dont like him to be honest. i know ppl on here have largely moved on from the fateful 2016 interview and it has been discussed to death and yeah he immediately said he was joking etc etc but i dont think its weird to think you shouldnt have to feel pressured to like completely forgive and forget and absolve the sins of a male musician saying something that made a female reporter feel unsafe or objectified or 'caught in an increasingly distressing situation' or act like its some sort of unheard of and unimaginable offense that has never happened before in the history of music interviews and one someone’s favorite musician who can do no wrong in their eyes could definitely never get caught up in (esp given how gross in general the music industry is towards women). OR even go so far to say the reporter did it all for attention i cant believe this is even a discussion that has ever been had in any form ever like genuinely nothing makes me angrier than ppl who literally turn into blatant sexists whenever their favorite white guy's reputation is even mildly put at risk ive literally seen one person on here say the whole interview was made up and exaggerated and that she just wanted to 'join the me too movement' which is like Okay man i think you might just not have any respect for women in real life maybe. even watered down and not as extreme its a take thats more prevalent on am tumblr than i thought or previously imagined and i hate how bad it makes the fandom look like i trust that everyone on here is a reasonably intelligent and empathetic human being who has at least a basic tumblr education on the fact that victim blaming is bad so we dont rly need to turn around and immediately go 'she just misunderstood what he was saying' or 'she just didnt get his sense of humor' like Alright

i hope im articulating all this reasonably well like i think its literally fine that ppl have accepted his apology and moved on and are able to enjoy him as an artist and/or as a person too thats awesome and im happy for the ppl that i follow that have this kind of relationship with him. even if it wasnt for the interview thing he stil wouldnt be for me i used to be a pretty big fan of his music when i was younger but nowadays since ive found different music i dont rly pay any attention to him. im glad he was able to spark alex creatively but thats as far as my enjoyment goes of him to be yonest

also ive just realized now that all this makes me look kind of contrived given the fact that ive written milex before and i dont rly have like an impenetrable explanation i literally started writing for jamex around the time the car album came out bc i found out all my fav jamex fics had gotten deleted by their author so i wanted to fill the void and then one day i was like wait am i good enough yet to write a functional milex fic (plus i was hoping to get more ppl to notice my writing and milex offers a pretty easy way to do that) so then i wrote 2 and i was like ok i am cool. i dont intend to write another fic for them

hope this makes sense i probably forgor to say like 10 other things i wanted to say but thats okay

[xx-psych0-rabbit-xx]

Zan Partizanne :)

First impression:my amino bestie told me briefly abt her but since i didnt own a switch i ended up getting 3DS team clash, so we immediately went to talking abt taranza lol

Impression now:if the last seven months ever since january 14th havent left this clear enough for anyone i am absolutely utterly obsessed w her.shes my everything my girlie pop my poor little thing my funny mean girl my silly rabbit.if she were in any other franchise shed be up there in utterly inherently doomed characters.shes so lucky shes in the friendship game series.

Favorite moment:i love the silly pose she has going on before her first boss fight, but the cutscene after it is so funny, but also the scene where hyness smacks her away is literally the defining moment in leaving KSAs relationship theme clear.can i say everything i have seen i wanna say everything i have seen

Idea for a story:theres soooo much stuff you can explore w her...her overly attached relationship w hyness, her backstory w the suicide attempt n its relationship to her ending up the most loyal member of a cult, why shes so rude towards others on the official twitter, her postgame development after being in a death cult for god knows how long, her relationship w her sisters seeming a bit one sided depending on how you read her never being bought up when it comes to the other two, shes so cool n interesting i love her.sm to think abt.perfect for autism

Unpopular opinion:i kindaaa.feel ppl take her rly at face value in a way ngl? i feel shes just the "the serious loyal one" in stuff p often (or the mean one but i forgive that bc zan being mean is hilarious) idk the lack of attention to the degree of loyalty she actually has to the point of tolerating anything hyness does to her just annoys me a bit.yeah shes the loyal one but not to a good nice healthy degree !!! (ik its ironic to complain abt how the cult in general is portrayed by fans after ive mostly complained abt the ppl that straight up ignore them but i am annoying n never satisfied X3)

Favorite relationship:from canon its gotta be w hyness.bc its so bad LMAO.absolutely utterly unbalanced n unhealthy, once again the peak of KSAs relationship theme, from kirbys neverending friendship that helped former foes improve as ppl to zans one sided love n loyalty for a man who treats her like garbage bc he saved her years ago.the themes man the themes.he literally sacrifices herself after throwing her n her sisters around like weapons n girl was still there looking for him in the extra mode.the standards r underground for you miss partizanne.

for "would it be cool if they interacted or what?":taranza n susie tbh.taranza parallels her story w hyness through his own w sectonia n susie is the absolute opposite of her, so i think either of them would give a rlyyy interesting conversation.guy who was just a little less loyal to the point of realizing when it had gone too far (tbf it took sectonia trying to kill him.which still leaves taranza w higher standards than zan lmao) n girl who pretended to be loyal so bad when she hated her boss the whole time n took fixing his behavior into her own hands.theyre such a fun little trio of fucked up ppl

Favorite headcanon:instead of a serious one ill just say im never giving up my insistence to draw her w yellow eyes hyness get her n flamberge contacts right fucking now.why do the sisters all share the exact same eye color.susies similar looking n theyre blue too r they part of some blue eyed species whats going on.why r they blue kumazaki why did you do this to me

[marsixm]

rambling ass thought hence the readmore, but i had an interaction with my boss earlier that im still thinking about:

basically a customer was making some errant comment about eating chili, like, okay whatever, and my boss says something about how like. okay why should i give a shit. obv not to her, he was perfectly polite to her, but after when i said hes really good at pretending to be nice, he said sthn like 'yeah i have to be polite because i cant just say bitch idc' but also yeah why should he give a fuck really, he doesnt know her at all and he doesnt care and he has work to do. he is someone who clearly has been taught to always be polite and shit, right? now, i also dont really give a fuck about what a customer i dont know is having for dinner, but i also didnt really grow up with the heavy expectation to pretend to care abt small talk. i have to now, for my job, be passively polite, but i also have to do other things that dont come naturally to me, like try not to curse, etc. i also, as an adult now, understand the social role of being passively polite to people as a way to show like. we're all people who should at least care about each other in the grand scheme of things, and to not make things needlessly hostile- i dont care, but i also dont feel as irritated as he seemed, because i dont give a fuck one way or the other, and i dont feel such lifelong social pressure. to me its like wearing shoes. i understand the need to do so in public but at home i like keeping my feet on the ground. basically the thought im rolling around in my head like a marble is how i wonder if its .. creating its own issues, when people feel socially pressured to be super polite or pretend to care about each other, and its like, seen as this super important thing? i wonder if this is why so many neurotypical people and/or people who are on the spectrum slightly but mask a lot wind up seeming like theyre about to explode. OR, if its just a symptom of being super neurotic? because this dude is also super fucking neurotic, chronically stressed, and kind of grumpy at times

see, ive never really known how to mask, not really, and my parents never like taught me like super specific rules and manners and shit that other people seem to learn, i did have to learn a lot of this later, and consciously, but also as an adult now i tend to gravitate towards both autistic and deeply neurotic people so i have no idea how deeply these kinds of pressures and stresses are going on in others' heads. the only person in our friend group who wasnt autistic and was tied in knots over social rituals also had ocd and was excruciatingly neurotic so i cant rly judge all of social interaction off that, though it does explain how a lot of people act i guess

anyway its interesting bc this thought seems to come up a lot from other retail workers and especially cashiers, like being really spitefully annoyed with customers- and i completely understand why and where the feeling comes from i just find it hard to muster that much ire myself on a day to day basis over the really banal stuff BUT this is probably the most mentally healthy ive been in decades AND "feeling" my feelings is, due to autism, kind of weird and complicated at times so idk

[yuukei-yikes]

Um hiya vinnie,I've liked kagepro since i was like 13 so um do u have any prn hcs for the mekadan? If thats ok 2 ask

FUCK YEAHHH CRACKS KNUCKLES

ayano: she/her but in a deeply transgender way

kido: they/them but also...why not a lil bit of he/him. transmasc kido my beloved...

seto: he/him also in a deeply transgender way.

kano: he/they/it YEAHH WOOO YEAHHHH also transmasc btw if u even care. but i could also transfem ray him he has the range tbh

mary: she/they, doesnt rly care much though. that sonic comic thats like knuckles what are ur pronouns. (saeru: SETO WHAT ARE MARYS PRONOUNS seto: we usually just use she but they dont really care)

momo: she/it, probably a bunch of neos too. the more the better. transfem btw. that whole thing distances her and shintaro even more as kids bc he doesnt understand it very well. meeting ayano helps

takane: they/she/he/it. idk if its bc theyre a favorite or they just have that much gender. canon blue hair and all you know. so nonbinary it makes you look stupid

shintaro: he/him. hes the diversity hire and the only cis person in the dan. ive seen transmasc shintaro hcs and like ofc its awesome but to me it just changes his whole foundation... if a boy, to me he is cis. if trans shintaro...ok hear me out. transfem shin COME ONNN COME ON COME ONNNN C ok yeah that rly self indulgent hc aside, cis 💔 also has a hard time understanding...everyone else. when finding out ayano is trans his brain breaks. he especially cant understand the nonbinaries hes like JUST PICK ONE !!! sry cis shintaro is so funny he keeps wanting to act like a victim for it (confusion and self hatred shed feel in a transfem hc...oughoigh ok sorry ill move on)(puts down the stress ball with shintaro face printed on it)

hibiya: HE/HIM BABY TRANS💗💗💗 gets his first binder from the dan as a gift. kido teaches him to put it on. weehhh wehhhhh sniff sniff but also transfem egg hibiya would be so awesum too😳 both are good. but he is so deeply transgender either way

haruka: he/she. demiboy or demigirl whichever but so epic and genderfluid :) when he is a girl and she is a boy

konoha: it/its cuz unauthorized fucking thing /pos /pos /pos but when it was around, the dan used he/him sort of in the same way they use she for mary lol (kido: indicative but not exclusive to your gender identity. konoha: stop swearing at me)

hiyori: she/her, transfem. no one knows. knew she was a girl since like 0 seconds old. in my sick twisted mind the way hibiya and hiyori become friends in a route like the novels for example, where they didnt rly speak much before their trip together is cuz hiyori finds out hibiya is trans and decides he HAS to be her friend but doesnt Actually tell him that she's trans. probably only tells him after meeting the dan bc thats the whole lgbt community so she's like damn okay

[moodr1ng]

one v fun and interesting thing abt pathologic i think is that it has So Many Themes, and a significant amount of the fanbase still do tend to identify it as having one primary theme above others, and its very interesting to see how people respond to the games.

like, a lot of people primarily view pathologic through a philosophical lense. the literal, textual story of the game is not as relevant to them as the moral and philosophical questions the game poses. other people focus primarily on that textual story, and often avoid the metatextual narrative to fully indulge in the world of the story and the characters. some take from pathologic primarily a story about political and social tension during a crisis. some focus more on the themes of life and death, of the idea of the greater good, of utopia. some see the game mostly as an experiment in cruelty - indeed the comparison to the "theater of cruelty" is almost unavoidable. etc

its rly interesting to see what people focus on! ofc most people engage w various themes in the game but ultimately there seem to be a variety of experiences of it that draw people in for very different reasons. like, when i think of pathologic i think about 'oh yes one of my favorite games, colonisation and cultural genocide simulator', and what most draws me into the text is a strong identification with artemys experience and a primary concern for artemy and the kins story and presence; and everything i think about the town, the characters, the story, and ultimately all of the game goes through that lens - im always thinking about indigeneity when making sense of pathologic.

on the other hand, ive seen like, a bunch of reviews or takes on the game where people talk about the theme of colonialism and indigeneity, but mostly as a secondary theme to what to them is the main story or point of the game, and that always blows my mind, bc i cant imagine coming out from this game and not being profoundly and personally shaken by these themes and artemys story. probably other peoples focus on the game i similarly dont understand or really consider bc i didnt resonate w it as much. just v cool to me that this is one of those pieces of media that rly invoke the idea of a story being a dialogue between the author(s) and the reader

[climaxbattles]

vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

[phagodyke]

ahh.. I have tickets for a small music festival tmr which I went to last year + had a whale of a time but this year theres only like 2 artists I wanted to see but they released the schedule a couple days ago and neither are playing before 9:30pm. since I don't live local anymore I'd have to leave to travel back home around that time or I'd miss the last train... and there's not rly anywhere I can crash overnight there (and I was planning on going alone anyway like I did last year). so I think im gonna have to let this one pass me by :-(

[danothan]

YOU DIDNT ASK so im sorry in advance (especially because i wont be explaining this well) But. ill be so honest i dont think the t-shirt kon is bad in a vacuum like it could be cute 😭 i do think its genuinely kinda fun when the characters wear their own little merch. the t-shirt outfit is even kind of funny because hes literally just wearing a t-shirt and jeans 😭 i love kon no matter what!!

but in the context of the transition from young justice (the comic) and the gang "graduating" into the teen titans (vol.3) i feel like it was a regression for him. idk i read into kon and transness+being lgbt too much so ive seen interpretations of it being his internalized homo/transphobia because its also a time where he has a secret identity for the first time in small-town america... and i do enjoy that, but it was Not intended by the writes (especially considering who was writing him in the mid-late 2000s)

kon's character to start off is really about identity and the reclamation of it when he was intended to be a Thing, and how he struggled under the weight of acting like he thinks he should/expectations placed on him (especially because he did not have an alternate identity or a name at first, he was just superboy. THEN kon el and conner kent) and how he expresses himself by replacing a tag cadmus put on him with a gold earring and generally dressing in a flashy and flamboyant and alternative way

so then when we transition to the teen titans kon, they sort of......strip him of that expression of personality. hes put in a t-shirt and jeans. they take away his earring. hes put in a relationship w/ cassie sandsmark (who btw. is very wlw coded to match him in the YJ comic, and both of their designs suffered what we call the cishetifcation) that is ultimately so bad for their characters (meanwhile kon is written into the most gay coded friendship w/ tim drake for like. a decade.)

and the young justice cartoon is an adaptation that was attempting to take the teen titans run from the 80s i believe? and young justice 98-2003, AND the 00's teen titans run. (decades of story to work with and way too many characters and groups, leads the cartoon to, in my opinion, suffer from a too many cooks situation)

and it does not handle kons character very well at all either </3 AND they used the t-shirt design while sticking him in a very unhealthy relationship w/ a character hes never really interacted w/ much in the comics. so umm. TL;DR very mixed feelings on t-shirt conner

i do recommend reading young justice though <3 (AND IM GLAD YOU LIKE MY DESIGN !! tysm <333 the curly hair is a must <3) sorry for the essay i just wanted to expand on why i put the t-shirt boy in the "sigh" categories 😭

ah, when i said i liked t-shirt conner, i didn’t mean the outfit, i was specifically referring to the young justice cartoon’s characterization ^^; i do acknowledge that it was a mixed bag that was forced to cherrypick years of history as an adaptation, and i get why conner fans don’t see him as Their Conner, but i’m gonna be so real with you. i liked him a lot in the cartoon 😭 as a standalone show, the first season does a rly good job of letting you understand his struggles and thought process, there were a lot of moments that endeared me to his angst while also letting him still feel like a kid. but i think i’m also biased towards characters that default to anger as a trauma response (completely unrelated to recent events believe it or not! wacky coincidence tho! foreshadowing even…?)

conner and m’gann’s relationship was def not the most interesting to me, but it’s also not the worst one. i have other biases against. other couples. but i’m curious to see how it develops bc unhealthy or not, i wanna see how it affects the characters, ykwim? like i’m not in it for the shipping, even if we All know there’s a better conner ship U__U

idk i just feel worn out by comics cynicism bc while i get it (i’m a hal fan, by god do i get it), i also don’t want to treat anything in dc too sacred. it’s more fun for me personally to view new iterations/adaptations as puzzles to work out rather than view them as character assassinations if even that. there are some truly unsalvageable things out there, but i generally think there’s smth good to gain in everything. and the young justice cartoon gave me a t-shirt conner to gain in my heart, so i can’t fault his character change too much as drastic as it is

all of this to say tho: the alt look is obviously superior. NOTHING beats a cropped jacket <3

[blueiight]

I appreciate that you answer book questions without being weird or condescending about it or act like you know everything re: what the show is going to do. Some parts of tvc fandom just act so patronizing towards show viewers as if they can't google or read wikipedia cause like why is there a PSA campaign going on rn warning viewers that Armand is evil (literally who doesn't know this already??). IDK what it is about L/A that makes them so weird but like are show viewers not allowed to just discover the story as it unfolds.

i cant speak for anybody but myself , least of all for blogs i dont know but im sorry u have had a hard time and i do appreciate that ive offered something to u? i always feel as though im rambling or not answering questions correctly bc ppl r always asking for clarification or tryna correct something i didnt say .. so i do appreciate hearing that something is being conveyed. theres been a habit of ppl pretending to be armand x louis fans trolling blogs on anon for a good min now. idk why now some ppl r extrapolating these anonymous trolls to be representative of the show fanbase? ive even had some of them come my way i just ignore them cuz i assume theyre trolls but if yall srs why u cockwatching 2d charas& hollering at me like im supposed to care😂 its funny tho i was thinking how both lestat and armand are introduced as antagonistic mysterious forces of terror louis [w lestat& armand] and lestat [w armand] find attractive & we get all of their perspectives/backstories and how they make sense over what theyve become.. theyre all batshit in their own ways💜 so crying tears of blood over 'whos more evil' w armand or lestat or btwn any vampire rly is stupid. while the show has reinvigorated my interest in tvc bc i wanna know what the showrunners will adapt i am not committed into my lines of speculation on what theyll do im more than willing to be proven wrong.. but i think ppl should understand some people do not have an interest in tvc or the immortal universe bc of the show, and that most of these ppl who are show-only r not represented by these handful of trolls. most ppl who watched the show know these characters have a capacity for evil, and have enough common sense that even w/o knowledge of the books they do suspect armand's manipulative ways.. i dont know how much / twe of this urge to humble armand x louis likers w #hardfacts [LOL] comes from the fact that both men in the show adaptation r men of color as much as it is them taking these trollish anons as actual representatives of common opinion lol s1 twist at the end is framed much like armand shedding the skin of rashid, like the horror is escalating anyways.. like one of my twitter mutuals said amc louis is the vampire wendi deng. i havent seen much of the bs on my tl directly, i like to think my tl is way smarter than me so they know how to conduct themselves somewhat

[bbboar]

@boogerwookiesugarcookie asked me to answer ALL of the end of year asks so here we go! Thanks Naja!

Going to put it under a readmore bcs long

1.Song of the year? Dream Girl Evil by Florence and the Machine So nice of Miss Florence to make a song thats not only a bop but also specifically the theme song for my oc Hydrangea

2.Album of the year? I don't listen to many full albums but for me it would have to be a tie between Give me the Future by Bastille and Impera by Ghost 3.Favorite musical artist / group you started listening to this year? Ghost 4.Movie of the year? Everything Everywhere All At Once! Like i don't even need to think about it. Unlike anything ive ever seen, so interesting and heartwearming. Excellent performances and costuming 5.TV show of the year? Oh man this one is touh bcs i had 3 shows ive been obsessed with this year…. Our Flag Means Death, Severance or Interview with the Vampire 6.Episode of tv or webisode that defined the year for you? Not defined the year but the best ep of anything ive seen this year was the the season finale ep of Severance. It was so excellent at keeping up the tension for the entirety of the ep. I was pacing and yelling and restless for the full length of it. Just amazing storytelling of everything coming to a head and the editing...my god!!!

7.Favorite actor of the year? I don't care that much about actors to have a fave of the year 8.Game of the year? I was a teenage exocolonist. Just finished my 4rth playthrough and i think i may have 2 more in me bc i want to see different outcomes/choices 9.Best month for you this year? Idk they sorta all blend into one? But December is when i have 2 weeks off work and also the weather is beautiful and sunny so im going to say that and not think about it too much.

10.Something that made you cry this year? A friend was never available to see me despite my multiple attempts to meet up and even though i didnt mind for a lot of it, eventually it started hurting my feelings. 11.Something you want to do again next year? Go on a mini vacation. I took a week off work to visit friends in Tasmania and i think i would be nice to visit some other place next year as well. 12.Talk about a new friend you made this year? I think we'd chatted a little on twitter and also possibly met irl once? But anyway yeah i formally met and befiended the partner of a friend and we rly got along! 13.How was your birthday this year? I went to this super expensive viking themed restaurant ive wanted to go to since 2019! Food, drinks, service, all excellent. I was dressed to the nines in my sequin dress and after i went for a little night walk around the city. It was gr8! 14.Favorite book you read this year? A nobleman's guide to scandals and shipwrecks by Mackenzi Lee. The Montague siblings series is such easy reading for me so i had a fun time! 15.What’s a bad habit you picked up this year? Forgetting to take my acne medication but i also took steps to prevent that so were good now 16.Post a picture from the beginning of the year Actually the first pic i took in 2022

17.Post a picture from the end of the year

Food from yesterday (27/12/22)

18.A memorable meal this year? Oh i already mentioned my birthday dinner so instead ill mention the brunch i made for my friends when i visited them in Tasmania.I was going to make eggs, bacon, homemade flatbread and some other stuff but my time management was off and it took me sooo long to make everything.In the end it was more like a lunch than brunch^^; But everyone was so patient with me and in the end the food was yummy and everyone liked it and we played dnd and had a great time :) 19.What’re you excited about for next year? Going to be getting a new phone and also....idk i havent made any big plans but i look forward to the little moments of joy and indulgence that will come. 20.What’s something you learned this year? Im sure theres life stuff i learned but what im psyched about is learning how to make scones. Its so freakin easy!!! 21.What’s something new about your place of residence (room, home, or general location) now vs the start of the year? After living here for about a year,i decided to finally put shit up on the walls of my room.Paintings and fairy lights and i plan on having a little colection of magpie prints too.It rly lifted my mood and brightened up the space. 22.Favorite place you visited this year? Oh man i was just stoked to visit Tasmania and see friends! I need to travel more bcs i love seeing new places. 23.If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be? Do not catastrophise when someone upsets you. Just sleep on it and then act. People sometimes are stupid and thoughtless,not secretly malicious. 24.Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions? I usually have a few and some years i end up completing them, other years i dont. This year my only resolution is to comment on people's art more. Thats fucken it. 25.Did you create any characters (in games, art, or writing) this year? Describe one. Many actually bcs aside from various ocs, i run some trp games where i make 10+ npcs for. I guess one would be Winnie an npc i made for a game who i put so little thought in. Like i needed a character to fullfill a certain role so i recycled an old oc design and gave her like 2 personalty traits. Then though as we played, we all ended up liking her way more than id planned so anyway now she's in the queue to be an upcoming pc for a dnd campaign (with a slight redesign)

[soukokutruther]

im not waiting for anyone to ask me, im just infodumping ab dazai

i like him for a lot of reasons !! it usually starts out that i relate to characters, which is how it started w dazai too, but really idk bro he just makes me so sad and idk how to explain i just LOVE DAZAI hes my baby hes my pookie ill die for him thats all anyone needs to know

i have a lot, but id say probably that he likes cats/is compared to cats a lot, and is good with children, i just find it very sweet. also i love his style, and i love how intelligent he is.

how he treated akutagawa, although i dont blame him since he was like, a child, who didnt know how else to act due to how he was raised and grew up, too, although it still doesnt excuse it, and its still my least fav thing about him.

tokyo ghoul

dove- doll version (antihoney),

elements of my past (metaphorically, i wasnt in the mafia obviously 😭), cats >>> dogs, secretive, im not dazai smart but i mean id say im pretty intelligent 🤷🏻, mindset, um !! other stuff !! 🥰

i like how deeply they analyze him in order to understand him better and dont water him down to just "sad suicidal bandage man" (like ive seen some ppl do)

erm... i dont like how the rest of them water him down to sad suicidal bandage man. i also hate when people say hes a bad person, because hes not, the whole point of bsd is that most if not all characters are morally gray, and although dazai did things that were in fact, not okay, its not so black and white to be like "omg fuck he sucks hes a terrible character" (obviously u can still dislike him bc everyone has an opinion and thats okay but like as a character hes a lot more than just a bad person 😭 in fact id say hes grown to be a very good person)

i could see it tbh

i could also def see it (atsushi kinnie moment fr)

meh maybe, im more of a chuuya and poe guy tho 😁

i have a lot, i hc him to be an age regressor, and also i hc him to be autistic + transmasc. also hc that when they were in the mafia and chuuya found out dazai was living in a shipping container chuuya forced him to move in w him :3

i could see him using this all the time 🤕 and also :P he def sends that as kunikida screams at him over text lmfao

light academia

soukoku OBVIOUSLY, im THE soukoku truther (i also like sigzai but just for fun tbh, and i LOVE souheki but i see them as a qpr more than a ship. i dabble in kunizai every now and again as well)

i have a lot of least favs 💀 prob dazatsu and odazai, theyre both so wrong for so many reasons 😭

fyozai, im 50/50 on it because i can see it, but also idk what it is i just cant rly get myself behind it

soukoku !! <333 its not canon theyre a ship, but they do have a very beautiful canon relationship, whatever the dynamic of it may be

fyozai...

dazatsu !! i love them as best friends, theyre so sweet :)

i love to do a lot of things when writing dazai lmfao, i love to write dazai agere/petre fics, i love to make him sad and depressed mwahahahaha, i love to just make him suffer honestly (but its okay its always hurt/comfort i wouldnt do that to pook) !! but also im not evil (mostly), i love to make him pet kitties in fics/draw him w cats, i love writing him going out to bookstores and reading, i love writing autistic dazai, transmasc dazai, i love describing his eyes and how he looks in the moonlight, i just love writing ab dazai tbh. smth i dont like ?? idk making him cis, dazai is transmasc to me and will never be anything else tyvm have a good day 👍🏻

honestly the same things as before, i write what i wanna read lmfao

fav pic, i do have one, i just dont feel like getting it rn sry :3

honestly dazai is rly unique ive never quite come across another character like him 😭 i do think of him when i see lucky from acnh tho hehe

loved him from when i first laid eyes on him, will die loving my pookie <333

CHARACTER ASK GAME!!! 💫

Send a character + one or more of these question!

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

11. Would you date this character?

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

23. Favorite picture of this character?

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

26. FREEBIE QUESTION!!