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#bc for all the religious trauma he has
l-e-g-i-o-n-losh · 1 month
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bullagit · 11 months
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i think a not-insignificant amount of the heartbreak crowley’s feeling in the end is  because he’s finally truly understanding that what’s happening with aziraphale (as he perceives it) isn’t something that he can save him from.
#good omens#good omens 2#spoilers#good omens 2 spoilers#like if there's truth in the coffee theory that'll be a whole other thing but if its all straightforward As Perceived#i do think that tracks and i do think that clicked#and there's something very real and painful about that idk#like you can't undo an entire existence of that manipulation and abuse and how much of aziraphale's sense of self is#wrapped up in it all. being an angel being Good serving a Purpose#crowley can give love and support and patience#be a sounding board and ask questions that help aziraphale step back from things and think sometimes#but that greater disconnect and that final realization of what heaven really is. he can't do that FOR aziraphale#aziraphale has to live and experience that on his own and finally actually let himself feel that#bc i think he's very good at not letting himself think about or feel those things even after being so crushed in s1#idk i feel a lot of religious trauma feelings about it i think it parallels that abusive relationship for a reason#like dont get me wrong the BULK of crowleys pain is from that interaction just generally and that rejection#but i think this also plays into it i think that perspective of someone who was thrown out and had the blinders removed#and having this interaction and realizing Oh. Oh there are still hooks deep into aziraphale there's this festering damage#Oh there's no amount of talk or hypotheticals that will sever the tether for him bc even after everything aziraphale BELIEVES. in heaven#as an institution. and idk man im just fascinated with that angle of it for crowley bc its like#SO complex
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ufolvr · 3 months
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Erm Guy Arlong and Copperhead for the bingo :)
Guy Gardner, piece of shit supreme (going off cartoons again btw)
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Arlong, who I love to call pathetic and make fun of and have many a violent daydream about
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And lastly, Copperhead, who - uh. Hm. Well something just ain't right.
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(tysmmmm these were so fun ^_^ love biting these guys over and over and over again)
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masonjarart · 11 months
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Rewatching season 2 and Aziraphale doesn't even want to leave until Metatron brings up Crowley like he straight up says he doesn't want to go. It's not till he brings up that he and Crowley can work together without it being an issue that he even thinks about it and even then he's so reluctant to leave even after all he says to Crowley he tells Metatron he can't leave his book shop. Aziraphale doesn't WANT to leave not his bookshop and certainly not Crowley (along with assuming being an angel would make Crowley happier, like the second the Metatron brings up Crowley being an angel I know the memory of him happily creating stars popped into his head) he thinks going is the right thing to do. Aziraphale's mindset in this is just absolutely devastating because he's so convinced that heaven is the good guys and that going there would be good despite wanting nothing more than to stay on earth with his silly little records and magic and the person he loves. Like he's going against his very being by making this choice.
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glupblorbo · 10 months
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logging onto tumblr to show y'all my new brainrot aka the "luz-and-hunter-go-on-a-road-trip-summer-after-their-senior-year-and-also-there's-mormon!belos" modern au and i say new as if this hasn't been rotting in my brain since the second i watched toh a fuckin year ago and was like "hey i relate to that nerd hunter a lil too much"
i'm finally only writing this now bc i got "college/academia" and "road trip" for 2/3 of my AU Roulette prompts and a couple things clicked into place after talking to a friend and BOOM. hunter gets more trauma :)
anyway. this fic has me by the throat and im unpacking a lot of shit so heed the tags on it lmfao but. im having SO much fun writing it too who knew therapy could be fun?
Summary is as follows:
Hunter Wittebane is well-versed in navigating the choppy waters of his uncle’s unsustainable emotions after 13 years—and now, he just has a few weeks left before he’ll be across the country at college and will only ever have to see his uncle twice a year. Except somehow, the thought of college is almost as terrifying as the thought of staying in the Deep South the rest of his life, closeted and giving much more than ten percent of himself each week. Thankfully, Luz suggests a few days on the road to help.
and yes it'll be part of a series bc i have SO MUCH LORE for this au lmfao
Snippet from the next third chapter below the cut (and a warning for mentioned abuse):
Luz shakes her head in frustration, cursing under her breath again, and he laughs. Half of this is all just a show for him; he’s well aware Luz can tell he’s still on edge about the trip in general and is doing her best to mitigate further stress for him. It’s the first time he’s been away from Uncle for so long—well, the first time he’s been away period, really—that wasn’t related to a church thing, and while church things make him freak out even more, he at least knows what to expect with them, and knows Uncle will be kinder in the aftermath, even if only for a day or so.
He has no clue how his uncle will react upon their return from this trip. And Hunter is all too familiar with what can happen—what will happen—if his uncle finds out the truth.
“Hey, you good?”
Luz is looking at him the way she always does when he shows up at Amity’s parking spot with a ziploc full of makeup and begs the both of them to help him figure out how he’s supposed to hide an hour-fresh bruise on his jaw when there’s five minutes until the bell. He’s never much liked that look.
“I’m fine,” he manages, rolling his shoulders back and trying to look relaxed.
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enderspawn · 2 years
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gillion religious trauma posting you know what that means! stream <3
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numberonetrashwitch · 10 months
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Some observations about Baldurs Gate 3 that hit too close to home.
After another few runs i will probably just make an in-Depth Character Analysis for every character simply because they are good reflections of actual trauma-manifestations and how abuse can manifest in people. They are also so well written that it serves a narrative purpose to explore all the material that is out there about them. I am also personally cursed with actual medically-relevant levels of Empathy and Hyperfixation; so writing this helps me put a pin in it and move on.
But so far here are my highlights
(SPOILERS and obviously content warning bc these are deep)
before you ask; i have almost 300h in this game.
You have to convince Shadowheart to eat the Noblestalk. She actually stells you she rather get her memories back from Shar but when you hit the persuasion or intimidation (what the fuck) check to get her to eat it she'll tell you about her childhood friend. Not her name, not her parents but her best firend. Possibly because she has had a closer bond to that person after being abducted and indoctrinated. With her believing herself to be an orphan, she would've looked elsewhere for comfort and sought out her own family, this is why she falls hard and heavy for Shar and builds the backbone of her indoctrination. She is literally ripped out of her home & given a new identity to server her from all she has known. Religious indoctrination, Gaslighting, Abduction, being forced to let go of your personality are her main themes.
There is a scene out there floating around in which you see Astarions pespective of the night when he bites Tav for the first time, in his meditations he is confronted with the rules Cazador put on him, including that he can't eat intelligent creatures, can't be away from Cazador unless allowed to, has to obey every command and that they are should know that they are property. Which in turn means that Astarion literally didn't just have any autonomy, he was objectified (and not just through seductive/sexual measures) and that is really the crux to understanding why he doesn't believe in kindness, but rather shows self-serving behavior in most cases. Since we know that Astarion was extremely young for an elf before he died and became immortal (literally stopping the aging /maturing process) it is also very telling that Cazador constantly calls him brat, boy or other very juvanile names, refering to them as a family... well it is also the story of a very controlling parent. Themes of (Bodily) autonomy, infantilization ( & puer aeternus, forever-child), slavery, depersonalisation, corruption of life and torture to break someone.
Gale isn't just a guy hung up on his Ex, but also a victim of abuse. In this case a power imbalance none of us can fathom; She is described as being a jealous goddess and rules over the domain of mysteries and magic. So with Gale being a Wizard, she is literally his boss. He admits that he was foolish enough to aspire to be an equal to her, but she is so jealous that she tells him he can't really be worthy as long as he takes breath. She could just take his powers away and be done with it, that would be more than enough punishment for a guy who literally made Mystra and her domain his life's purpose, but she rather makes him do it himself. Add to that, that she literally only tells him this after years of self-isolation (after he put down so many wards that he could've blown up a whole army as he says if you click the right dialogue) to really fuck him up well. He also talks about death pretty much constantly, not surprising giving your situation, but he will tell you that he will kill himself at several points in the game, for instance after he comes clear about his nethrese orb. Themes of romantic abuse, power-imbalance, toxic work enviorment, self-isolating behavior, suicidal ideation
Wyll ... well from the looks of it he is the most well adjusted of all the companions (my opinion) but he has something that i'd describe as the "eldest daughter"-syndrome, more commonly known as parentification. This pattern usually occurs within single-household parents and is commonly described as a parent looking to their child for emotional or practical support, rather than providing it to their kid. We meet Ulder and see that he talks over Wyll a lot, not listening but expecting him to follow the standard he sets for him. That is also why Wyll repeats his fathers words like gospel (because this is what, in his mind, fullfills the expectations bestowed upon him) and why he loves fairytales / bard tales so much (because they are an ecapist view of the job he set out to do) Ulder literally exiled his teenage son because Wyll did the only thing he could to save an entire city, by sacrificing himself. Thats a lot to expect from a 17 year old - even more so, he doesn't stop with the heroics. He expects himself, as a human who hasn't even reached the age of 30 to hold up to mystical creatures such as Astarion or Karlach, or even Gale who is a accomplished Wizard. Themes of parentification, escapism, self-harming through putting himself in danger, chronic-self-sacrifice
In plain words; Gortash, Karlach's Idol sold her to a Devil. But add to that that she must have been pretty young when she was sold (late teens to early twenties possibly) and being that if you play as a Tiefling, you face a lot of predjudice she was likely forced into that position as well. Starstruck she was, with a juvenile naitivy that Gortash used. Appropriately, as he is the chosen of Bane the god of "tyrannical oppression, terror, and hate, known across Faerûn as the face of pure evil through malevolent despotism" (Source: Forgotten-Realms Wiki / Bane) So she pretty much was raised in a toxic enviorment, which forced her to become a killing-machine, first figuretively, then with the extraction of her heart, literally. Themes of slavery, oppression, misuse of trust, being taken advantage by a more powerful/older(?) person, being drafted.
Jaheira - to be honest, you need to know the lore of the previous baldurs gate games or just listen to her dialouge, ask her all the questions. She is a war-veteran against Bhaal, the good of ritual murder, and has a long history of fighting to achieve some sort of balance of power. She lost her husband and several close people all to this, or any other war, but due to her wisdom and strength people look to her for guidance. Themes of: Survivors Guilt.
Halsin - he is really closed off at first but then just casually hits you with "i was captured in the underdark and spent 3 years chained to a bedroom wall by a pair of drows who used me as they pleased". He is reprimanded by some of his druids for leaving the grove as soon as opportunity struck, just to get back and leave the next day, and if you talk to him about his position in the grove he is actually very forthcomming. He actively holds himself back; indulging in simple hobbies because he knows what lies within his heart. He is afraid of himself and his potential (canonnically he can't control his wildshape, which is very weird for an ARCH-druid) Themes of: impostor syndrome, avoidant-based self-harm, sexual opression, loss of control, emotional regulation.
Lae'zel is a very tragic case, and one that closely resembles the stories of Shadowheart and Karlach. Her entire existence is based upon a matriachial war society allowing her to live if she proves she can be of use and that in a culture which only values brutality, dominance & service. All of that culimating in her finding out that her oh-so-beloved Queen is actually just an imposter, and that everything she has lived for up to that point is merely political propaganda created to make her, and the rest of her entire species, willing pawns in a war that has no longer bearing on their survival alone, but is fought to justify Vlaakith's (the reigning monarchs) personal ambitions. Not only is she forced to reconcile that she is turned into the thing that controlled her kind for hundreds of years, that the only cure she knows of would kill her and then on top of that, that her hopes and dreams were lies and that she is now the Nr 1 enemy of the person she has served with all her being. themes of: oppression, propaganda, casual violence, objectification, child-warfare, eternal warfare
Minthara in short, her story is about being shamed for growing up in the same scenario that Lae'zel grew up in. Lolth, the god of the Lolth-sworn drows is a crazy queen who values scheming & backstabbing so much and is so volatile that you can't know what to expect of your deeds (and i mean it; there were people who were appraised by her for scheming against her, but also those who were killed. It's almost random.) She considers Lolth to be cruel and abandoned her for the Absolute, only to then be used and abused the same way Lae'zel has. Not with promises, but erasing her memory and exposing her perceived weakness. Themes of: casual violence, violent culture, her own ambition colliding with her desire to be safe, being a pawn in a larger game.
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I can completely break down the notion that jews do not experience ethnic discrimination within western countries, specifically the USA.
for context I am genetically half jewish and half italian, and since I was born i have been more connected to judaism in a cultural and a religious sense. though its not a huge part of my life like judaism is it's definitely still important.
a lot of people like to argue that jews were once not seen as white and now we are, just like Italians, Greeks, Irish, etc were (at least in the USA) and I can confirm that's total bullshit. I have, not once in my life, been treated badly for being Italian. I have never had someone shame me for my appearance, make fun of my cultural food, threaten me, insult me, insult my father, say they wish I died, harassed me, or any other violent or demeaning acts because im Italian. not once in my entire life has that happened. even living in the rural USA where traditional white supremacy is alive and well that did not happen.
yet I have absolutely been harassed, verbally abused, demeaned, belittled, etc. for being jewish. Ive experienced antisemitism since I was 5 and possibly younger. ive heard holocaust jokes, nose/eye jokes, had swastikas drawn on my things, received death threats, gotten rape threats, been called a murderer, been told I should burn, was told I was poisoning the seas, had people deny my very real trauma, was told that I should've stayed dead (for context I overdosed and had to be resuscitated once), and many more things all because im jewish. these are just instances in which it was specifically mentioned or heavily heavily implied that its because im jewish.
Many of these things happened when theae people didn't even know I'm a practicing jew and some even when I stopped practicing for a couple years. a lot of the time the only reason they had to believe I was jewish was my appearance and yeah sure they were right but what it shows is that appearance alone is enough for people to be antisemitic. you know, if jews weren't ethnically discriminated then why do people target us for having things like large noses and curly hair? or for the foods that we eat? or for anything that isnt directly related to religious practices?
anyway I dont believe for a second that anyone who thinks jews dont experience ethnic discrimination in the USA has ever had a genuine conversation with a jew about antisemitism. 5 year old me did not deserve to feel like he was ugly all for some assholes to say that jews are making all this up.
☆this is part 2 in which I will add important context bc if anyone is gonna overanalyze my argument its me. u can read it if you want its not necessary to understand the post.
like I said I have spent most of my life in rural areas where there are many less jews than in big cities and obvious white supremacy is common. im 100% sure this affected a lot of the antisemitism i received.
I am sephardic, not ashkenazi. most goyim do not have a clue what this means. those who do generally think it means "jewish but spicier and more exotic (aka less american)" which could have contributed to some of the discrimination i faced for not being seen as American enough.
this is my experience not anyone else's! I am not discrediting what other people have gone though regarding any experiences with discrimination
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Round 1 - Side B
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firestar art by @kudos-si-do
Propaganda below ⬇️
Kirei
He fucked up so many people's lives so badly in just one decade (not on purpose) that the universe put him in the summoning pool of all world influencing souls. He doesnt really have any special powers but he does serve as a vessel for rasputin at one point. He's the guy who says "people die when they are killed"
please please please there's literally a type moon character in the gif on the top of this form so it's typemoonphobic if none of them get in but it shouldn't be her it should be kirei bc he's 50x funnier & more iconic than jeanne. funny lil murder priest who's fucking THE gilgamesh (from the epic of) in the church basement and dies in a knife fight w a 17 year old whose dad he wanted to fuck back in '94 before realizing that he was actually kinda lame and he's been bitter abt it ever since. he has an orphan torture factory in his basement but he's also canonically good at being a priest. he's so funny you should def try his mapo tofu i swear it's totally safe for human consumption and not made with any california reapers. did i mention he's a deadbeat dad.
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Priest claims to be Pro Life to make Sakura Matou the most miserable girl on the planet, but he dies anyway.
bro became a catholic because he loves suffering
He’s a priest. Kind of. Not a very good priest obviously. There is something seriously wrong and fucked up with that man. It’s so entertaining.
he's gotta be one of the most insane catholic men ever with a very in-depth and interesting relationship with his religion and his relationship with god also he's the sexiest man ever to be conceptualized in the known universe and all of time
Will never forget the 40+ minute monologue in heavens feel being a thinly veiled metaphor for abortion
he wants to torment churchgoers and make them face their failures and suffering but all he ends up doing is motivate them to improve themselves. cringefail moment for him
he's absolutely insane. the coldhearted mercenary that barely reacts to anything is terrified of kirei. he's super fucked up. his ult in stay night is literally him channeling divine power into something called kyrie eleison. he's the vessel of rasputin (on account of being a priest with a huge....no i shant say) the biblical beast in grand order among other things. he gets drunk with and tops gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh in the church basement after gilgamesh from the epic of gilgamesh bats his eyes a little too hard at kirei in some of the horniest shot scenes ive ever seen. he also used to be a heretical "fixer" for the church, cleaning up scenes that would expose shit to the public. uhh what else. he holds cool swords between his fingers like a kid pretending to be wolverine but in my favorite route he just squares the hell up with the protagonist and they fight to the death outside planned parenthood
Firestar
Kitty jesus, he believes in starclan which is the kitty version of heaven/god and yea. All the warrior cats characters except those outside the clans or those that are atheist believe in the kitty heaven and would irl be bri-ish and christian as hell so. The authors are all older british christian women and so the way starclan is written is like undoubtedly that.
The main religion in the series is extremely catholic coded. Most clan cats believe in Starclan and the Dark Forest(or heaven and hell). There is a set of rule they must uphold and follow, where following them leads to heaven and breaking them leads to hell. Their religious leaders are sworn to celibacy, and the punishments that "code breakers"(or cats who break the rules) face are extremely similar to situations people with religious trauma have gone through.
OP notes: apparently converted to avoid getting his balls cut?? Idk. The discord yet wild for firestar so I had to include him because it's hilarious hehehe
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alle-ni · 10 months
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My thoughts about goodomensverse (I'm clinically insane) (my personal opinion) (long post)
Book Crowley:
- absolute disaster
- lonely boy
- grumpiest
- he's so in love with Aziraphale but didn't even realised yet
- a bit dumb sometimes ngl
- very tired
- he's trying so hard save earth and everything he knows but everytime he tries to explain why it's always AZIRAPHALE
- sometimes he's like... your old gay uncle, the old gay uncle of the family except it's a 6000 years old gender fluid demon
- HISS LIKE A SNAKE GANG
- got called dear once and them died (figuratively)
Radio Crowley:
- flirty
- "Humm have you ever seen me in a dress~~??"
- he's like flirting with Aziraphale 24/7
- 0 patience this man is a BOMB
- if Aziraphale ever EVER got slightly flirty with him back he will EXPLODE
- smartest of them all, he's very intelligent
- HISS LIKE A SSSSSNAKE GANG
- he's so in love with Aziraphale and it makes him SO FRUSTRATED
- his Aziraphale is the hardest one to reach, maybe this is why he's so deliberately obvious and direct with him (he's resilient, he will never give up)
- he's like a tsudere teenager collegial except he's a 6000 years old demon with serious issues
- not called dear yet poor soul </3
TV Crowley:
- SILLY
- he's the dumbest of them all, sorry 😭
- red hair
- he's so in love with Aziraphale and everyone notice it's SO OBVIOUS
- he's the most affected by The Bookshop Burning ™ event
- the only one who got to kiss the angel, good for him ig, or sorry, idk
- anxiety bomb he literally (literally) EXPLODE
- strongest soldier bc his Aziraphale is IMPOSSIBLE
- got dumped 2 times more than the others someone pls help him
- the most brave tho
- doesn't hiss a lot :/ free him from this madness let him hiss
- he's like a puppy with giant yellow eyes except it's a 6000 years old snake demon that lies all the time
- protective as hell this man wouldn't let anyone near Aziraphale if possible
- got called dear but at what cost??????????????
Book Aziraphale:
- Anxious all the time, religious trauma except the god is your father and he left you and never talk to you again and the guard angels are your siblings and they want you do be dead
- He's so soft he wants so bad to comfort Crowley but he's really hard to reach
- his Crowley is the most difficult of all of them, he needs to circle him a lot to get in touch
- this man got called names so often I don't think he even cares anymore
- he's very nerdy
- he's the calmest of them all
- really chill
- everyone is so mean to him for no reason
- he has 1 braincell tbh and it's really bad bc his Crowley is not that brilliant too they're both stupid sometimes
- he really REALLY wants to be with Crowley and Crowley only, he sounds almost obligated to be with heaven
- he is really kind to others even when they don't deserve
- he called Crowley dear once and then implode
Radio Aziraphale:
- full of himself
- bastard
- the most closed and oblivious of them all
- he tries to play cool with Crowley all the time (he's slowly getting insane and someday he will jump on this man)
- he's the most self sufficient one he barely holds on Crowley to anything and they're pretty independent
- Crowley can say shit like "Miss me angel~~??" and he would keep a bored face and not react at all (he screamed with the walls 4 hours later)
- he's also a tsudere collegial but he at least try to look cool and composed in public
- he's the Aziraphale that most believes in heaven, he's sure they are good and selfless and the right side
- he's not so brilliant tbh but he got a lot of spirit
- the most active Aziraphale ?? He really put his hand in the dirt and do the things alone
- the most angry and bad tempered of them all, bro scream "WE ARE CLOSED LOOK AT THE DAMN SIGN" when ppl barely touch the bookshop door
- he has a lot of patience with Crowley, not deserved tbh bc he thinks it's his personal job to get in Aziraphale's nerves
- overall he is polite
- he's really proud of their "arrangement" there not only one chance he let go without saying that
- he likes to provoke Crowley sometimes too but not as much as the other way around
- if he ever call Crowley dear he will explode
TV Aziraphale:
- bitchiest
- this man need to be sedated what the fuck Aziraphale
- most nuts of then all he's CRAZY
- he's the most up to do shit with Crowley they're insane together
- he doesn't let Crowley rest he is flirting and being cute and hitting on Crowley all the time
- he's so obviously in love with Crowley its embarrassing
- he's the fruitiest he's the entire salad
- the most... indulgent, if I can say, of them all
- more like an employer of heaven, different of book Aziraphale
- he's the only one with almost white hair
- he got kissed but at what cost
- he's the most intelligent of all of them how can he be this dumb
- he loves little things about earth and humans and life and he seems to be the Aziraphale that most love EARTH itself, like, the life, the humans, the food, the little pleasures we have, the little time of happiness we have between all the shit that is happening... he really loves humans <3
- he's conflicted about heaven, he seems to know that there's something WRONG with how heaven works but still doesn't understand what exactly it is
- "oh but saving me makes him soooo happyyyy~~~"
- overall kind and sweet, in a excited way
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longstoryshort22 · 2 months
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Peter is brand Taylor talking to real Taylor, I Look in People’s Windows is real Taylor talking to brand Taylor (the two were supposed to become one, but the more famous she gets the harder it is)😭😭
The whole theme of the album is Taylor herself and her career and how the industry has affected her, joe/matty/travis/kim are just red herrings bye im gonna go cry listening to Peter
(more details⬇️)
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I’m not saying that some songs aren’t about those specific people, I’m just saying they’re only PART OF the theme, I believe her father (and other big heads in the industry) had a big influence on her career and forced her to stay in the closet from the very beginning, that messed her up, she had to hide her true self and keep bearding, and in 2019 she planned to come out but didn’t because of the masters heist, now it’s because she’s gotten more famous than ever that she has too much to lose. So maybe these men he dated, she did like them and she had multiple feelings when these relationships ended, but it’s all part of who the industry had made her into; she had one true love (maybe Karlie) but she couldn’t be with that person that’s why some songs are about a true deep love lost, but that’s still part of the “her career” theme, because of her career, she can’t be with that person. (more details⬇️)
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What’s really interesting in this theme is that she’s calling out her father in multiple songs because he really made her life harder…
In Cassandra, (the obvious theory is that Cassandra representing gaylors bc we’ve been saying the truth but never believed. And the first verse is about her getting the news of her masters heist just before her coming out plan, and then “stone’s thrown” is referencing Stonewall.) And in the bridge “They knew the whole time that I was onto something. The family, the pure greed, the Christian chorus line. They all said nothing. Blood's thick but nothing like a payroll. Bet they never spared a prayer for my soul” she’s saying her family knew something but said nothing because greed and money, we saw the leaked emails of her father and how he cares more about making money out of Taylor’s career than caring about her as his daughter, so I think this bridge is about her father, also about religious trauma may or may not due to him.
In The Bolter, “A curious child, ever reviled by everyone except her own father. With a quite bewitching face, splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless, excellent fun 'til you get to know her, then she runs like it's a race” she’s talking about herself being a precocious uniquely intelligent ambitious child, which everyone reviled except her father. why? because he wanted to invest money on her, he controlled how she conducted her career from the beginning.
What’s crazier is that Robin may be about her father too. That song sounds like a sweet song but she’s faking it like “all this showmanship to keep it for you in sweetness”. If she’s referring to her father (only wanting to make money out of her career) in this song then “you’re an animal, you are bloodthirsty” makes so much more sense. And the “buried down deep and out of your reach, the secret we all vowed to keep it from you in sweetness” her father probably knows about her queerness but wants her and everyone to keep it quiet.
In But Daddy I Love Him, “people only raise you to cage you” is pretty obvious about her father forcing her to stay in the closet, and “people try and save you cause they hate you” is literally about homophobes. “Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid” is about her father laying all the plans for her, which isn’t always what she wants. “I'd rather burn my whole life down, than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning. I'll tell you something about my good name, it's mine alone to disgrace” reminds me of that scene in Miss Americana where her father was lecturing why she couldn’t public her opinions. “Thinking it can change the beat of my heart when he touches me. And counteract the chemistry, and undo the destiny” is so queer coded. “Sanctimoniously performing soliloquies I'll never see / You ain't gotta pray for me” another reference to religious trauma.
So all of this, about her father, about her lover and other men, it’s all connected to her career and she’s looking back at it, thinking and reflecting on it, that’s it that’s the blog
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atryoshka · 9 months
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Frenchie and Izzy getting together would be genius and tbh I can't unsee it now
Love that Izzy and Frenchie actually have a lot in common on a deeper level that wasn't really apparent to me until s2 when we see how they deal with trauma in equal but opposite ways. We have Frenchie with his little box that allows him to straight up ignore the dark shit he's been through like it doesn't exist, happily eat some blood cake, and thinking that his death being given a clear deadline is a comfort. Then we have Izzy trying to stone face his way through having his body parts severed, just business as usual bc that's the pirate life and it won't change even though he's visibly holding back tears, and then accusing the crew of being too cowardly to kill him, actively inviting death bc he doesn't get why any of it even matters so keeping him alive is pointless.
What's interesting is that given the right circumstances, they could easily trade places, with Izzy being more lighthearted and Frenchie falling apart at the seams.
We've already seen signs of this with Izzy being much more chilled out after the crew made him the new unicorn, finding something in this terrible life that make him see them, and himself, in a more positive light. Like yeah, life is still filled with unimaginable horror, but now has a custom gold painted unicorn leg to trudge through it with, which is absolutely absurd but now he can't help but smile. So he decided his life is so unserious right now and you know what? A shark took his leg, end of story, here's a little wooden shark I made today just for fun lol. Frenchie on the other hand is still pretty relaxed despite everything that's happened so far, but I have a feeling that he was probably very similar to izzy in the past before he joined the crew of The Revenge. His past is pretty mysterious even with the little tidbits we get like him being in the service for bit. It doesn't sound like he was doing it for too long so the other things in his life that he doesn't talk about remain unknown, probably even to himself. The box exists so he can pretend any trauma he experiences doesn't even exist, unlike a fiction which still somewhat acknowledges that there was something that happened to him in a way he could accept. The truth is, he actually never moved on bc all the parts of his life that he's ignoring are still lurking inside him waiting to break out at anytime. I think when something accidentally triggers a memory he suppressed, we'll see a different side to him. Less chill, more shrewd survivalist, like when he and the others reunited with the revenge crew after being stranded at sea. He bounced back pretty fast after they got past the pinnata and cake standoff but it was interesting to see how ready he was to be violent and how untrusting he was of everyone's intentions in that context. He'd usually be much more chill and willing to fast talk his way out of a situation, even when he knows someone has bad intentions. (There's also probably something with religious trauma he's hiding but that's a whole other can of worms I won't get into. All I'll say is that combined with his very strong beliefs of the supernatural and grudging flippant way he does the cross symbol on himself when others do it, when they boarded the cursed ship, he was that only one to not step in the satanic circle before anyone even questioned what the strange lines even were. Did he immediately recognize it and consciously avoid it or was it gut reaction? Idk, but he sure as hell didn't speak up about it and just wearily watched the other step into it and draw their own conclusions. ) But getting back on track Honestly, their dynamic would be really interesting to explore in the show bc they could understand and care about each other in ways that would probably surprise them if given the opportunity to spend more time together on screen. tl;dr: All this to say that I fell down the rabbit hole after realizing that they are basically this meme, which has a lot of potential for so many hilarious and accidentally heartbreaking moments
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r0tt1ngv4mpyr · 1 month
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MAXLEY HEADCANONS!
(REQUESTS OPEN)
//TW FOR SH//
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MY MAX HEADCANONS:
•is hispanic
•has vitiligo on his hands and a bit on his face and wears gloves and foundation to cover it up
•has autism/adhd
•used to sh that's why he started skating is to not think about stuff as much
•is trans (ftm)
• has a skinny hourglass body by the hates it because it makes him look less masculine
•listens to more rock and metal but in general listens to mostly all genres (except slow songs, jazz, classical, country)
•has snakebites, septum, stretched gauges on his ears , and industrial piercings and a bell button piercing 😻 (also has a wolf cut)
•bi (pref male
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MY BRADLEY HEADCANONS:
•is half american half italian
•he has freckles
•has ocd/anger issues
•loves black coffee with a little milk
•finds max's piercings hot
•would never get a piercing himself (scared of needles, doesn't think they look good on him, and his dad would never let him)
•has fluffy middle parted hair that was cut short but grew out to a shorter mullet
•religious trauma and daddy issues
•gay (mlm)
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MY MAXLEY HEADCANONS:
•when they make out bradley puts his hands on max's waist/hips and sometimes he puts one hand on his waist/hips and grabs max's hair
•bradley was max's first time
•max will pick up random creepy ass bugs and bradley will be like "put. that. down."
•bradley is like 6,1 and towers over the 5,5 max
•max is very touch starved but isn't very used to touch (said in a headcanon earlier) and will do anything to get any affection from bradley but is really nervous when he gets it then just kinda melts
•definitely have some sort of history but max forgot and bradley didn't (maybe like childhood friends or smth)
•both unironically love the song "romance is boring" by los campesinos
•max loves horror movies and bradley hates them (they still watch them together tho)
•max says the most out of pocket shit and bradley just stares at him with his head tilted like "wtf?-"
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OTHER PEOPLES HEADCANONS I LIKE (credits are included)
•bradley needs glasses bc he is nearsighted but doesn't wear them bc it takes away his cool - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok
•bradleys mother died making his coexistence with his father uncomfortable, he does not hate his father, in fact he loves him but he does not know how to be and live with him, he does not want to admit it - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok
•bradley's father is his weak point, he became conceited and rude as a way of defending his father's expectations - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok
•he likes Britney Spears' music and has records but hides them from the - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok
•Bradley is a law student, he was forced to go there because of his father but he still likes it a little - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok
•he has a masculine image but his hygiene care makes his friends tell him that he is feminine, he uses lip balm because he doesn't like having dry lips - @thecat_inthe_cherryhat on tiktok
•When Bradley was in Middle school he used to wear baggy overalls has messy hair and wearer braces - @h4z3l_quits on tiktok
•Bradley used to be a kind and loyal kid! But when he got adopted by a rich family he started getting rude bc he was “spoiled” and he was raised to be perfect that’s why he’s competitive - @h4z3l_quits on tiktok
•max actually likes Bradley genuinely and just pretends that he likes roxanne and like tries desperately to get Bradley’s attention so he gets jelly - @chrys_linn on tiktok
•max is left handed so bradley is on his left side when he gets the chance just to see if one day they'll hold hands - @somnusgallery on tiktok
•max likes to play with Bradley's hair and Bradley gets embarrassed and ends up blushing every single time - @cassie_m328 on tiktok
•Max is ALWAYS bruised and patched up due to trying extreme shit with his skate and Bradley being the meticulous guy he is always brings stuff to patch Max up - @crowking.jpg on tiktok
•Max and Rox broke up due to them being young and immature and Max is mostly over it but he does feel he's not relationship material or isn't fully on board with one afterwards but THEN HE MEETS BRAD - @crowking.jpg on tiktok
•Max may be shorter but the moment he rizzes Brad up Brad loses his MIND like man's weak AF for Max's smooth ahh attitude - @crowking.jpg on tiktok
•Brad loosens up around Max overtime and let's go of his fragile masculinity and embraces open queerness and things he limited himself away from - @crowking.jpg on tiktok
•Brad and Max bring out the best in each other due to their competitive nature and ambition for improvement - @crowking.jpg on tiktok
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kevinsdsy · 13 days
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THE TROJANS SOCIAL MEDIA AU HEADCANONS pt. 1
laila dermott
laila dermott is muslim!! i've had this headcanon since i read the king's men for the first time in 2019 hehe and now is my time to push it.
nabil & laila are besties. they're both muslim and both in same-sex relationships which leads to them having an understanding of each other like no one else on the team could have with them.
ntm laila fr was his standing pillar when he was figuring out his sexuality
nabil mahmoud
nabil is gay!! which is something he really had to deal with and accept due to him being muslim too (bc what am i without the religious trauma due to sexuality lore)
nabil and tony are dating each other in the socmed au!! even without the au i would like to believe and headcanon there's something happening there :))
i've written a bit more about them in another headcanon post tho.
antonio "tony" jones
tony is what like a year or two older than the rest? he's an assistant and i'm not sure how old they're supposed to be in the book tbh so i would like to think it's possible or he's an intern (i love him being an intern either way tho so i'm very much leaning into that one)
jeremy knox
JEREMY KNOX USED TO PLAY FOOTBALL (soccer), but due to him playing so aggressively and due to him always being guilty of too many fouls he switched to exy :))
cody winter
cody doesn't know what sleep is and they don't care to find out. they're living on like 2 to 4 hours a sleep a night and surprisingly enough it works for them too.
cody is also SUPER competitive which is why they have managed to be part of the captain gc. their competiteviness has led to them pushing the backliners as much as cody can and the backliners actually listen to them too.
shawn anderson
oh shawn. shawn shawn shawn.
you were supposed to be no one. a random guy on the team.
you exist to me now. i feel like i could make a whole post about just him atp.
shawn was supposed to be comedic relief for the posts i felt were too out of character for the rest of the team LMAOO, but now he actually has a personality (to me)
shawn works a part time shop at a café. even though he's surrounded by coffee at all times and drinks so much of it he's the sleepiest guy to ever exist.
like that man gets about 8 hours a sleep every day and still takes nap, but still ends up with bags under his eyes.
he's always tired for some reason and everyone is so used to it atp. like he will ALWAYS sleep on the bus/airplane, no matter how long the drive/flight is.
but when he's finally awake he's so hyper. he says the silliest things. repeats the same phrases over and over again and has about zero filter.
most of the time the zero filter has to do with the fact he speaks before he thinks. it even catches himself off guard sometimes.
i feel like this is too long and we haven't even gotten into jean and shawn dynamic so i'm just gonna cut it off here and they’ll get another part i think
derrick allen
bro we don't even know who derrick is, but apparently he's someone to me now too.
this man has crazy attachment issues, but is also the biggest simp for shawn too.
he likes going around kissing shawn and making out with shawn, but whenever shawn mentions something serious derrick acts like it's just a joke. which i guess is easy to do, because shawn is always treating everything as a joke anyways. except he's really not trying to when it comes to derrick.
jean falls victim to shawn ranting and crying about derrick. so jean respectfully ignores derrick til he gets his shit together.
and i just realised i have SO MUCH to say about derrick and shawn too so let me cut myself off.
derek thompson
same as shawn and derrick. derek is supposed to be a no one, but here i am and suddenly derek is being perceived by me too
SOOO derek was supposed to be like the third party with derrick and shawn. it was supposed to be the three of them flirting and making out and being little shits but then y'all were asking about derrick & shawn and i decided yk what let's do it. then later the short oneshot was written by oomf and derek got mentioned as the one shawn is in love with and i was like oh... i fucked up the dynamic. but in another universe it would've been the three of them ig
ANYWAYYSS derek takes medication. i haven't really decided on what kind of medications, but while thinking about him i always imagined either depression or adhd or both idk
and i have so many more headcanons for the au, but this is too long so i´ll post part 2 another time :))
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lowkeyrobin · 5 months
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MCYT ; songs that they associate with you
includes tommyinnit, tubbo, freddie badlinu, ranboo, quackity
warnings ; horrible music taste. Did a few for each of them lmaooo. also let's act like dmca doesn't exist on twitch or whatever. if schlatt can play Fleetwood Mac on stream then who cares yk
masterlist
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BADLINU
Kiss From A Rose ; Seal
You guys watched Batman Forever together and this song came on during credits. Life changing experience.
You had the DVD version with the music video bonus, that was being replayed for like twenty minutes
He has it on almost every playlist he has
He seems like the type of person to make a private, bad quality edit/music video of you two to it
Goosebumps ; Sorana
Dude this song perfectly reflected how he felt before you guys got together 🙏🙏
Plays this on stream when you're streaming with him for background noise.
Before you get together, he still plays it, just makes sure to not let you know that he feels that exact way about you.
Little inside joke between you two, it's kinda your song in a way
Editors love editing you guys to this song omg. They're always cute as hell too
TOMMYINNIT
FaceTime with my Mom (Tonight) ; Bo Burnham
You guys karaoke-d the shit out of this song on stream with Jack and Freddie.
It became a core memory for him. You were only friends at the time but it kinda made him realize that he wanted to be more than just your friend.
He actually FaceTimed his mom afterwards and she said hello to chat and everything
Little funny moment that he loves to think about
Someday (Remastered) ; Sugar Ray
He found this song on your older music playlist
He plays it a lot and thinks about you
Like daydreams that you're on a warm beach with all your friends and stuff
The song has like a warm, summery vibe to it so all summer he makes sure this comes up on your queue when streaming or in the car or whatever.
You guys probably dance around the living room to this song idk
TUBBO
Where The Lines Overlap ; Paramore
"No one is as lucky as us" REAL.
He cherishes you in his own special way yk?
He thinks he's so lucky to have you when you're surprised you could even pull someone, let alone him
Before you guys started dating, he saw an edit of you two to this song and he religiously watched it LMAO
You're both Paramore fans so this worked out perfectly.
Orange Show Speedway ; Lizzy McAlpine
the guitar sounds exactly how you feel to him if that makes sense
the happy nostalgia/dopamine rush kind of feel makes him all smiley and makes him think of you
he literally fell in love at a car speedway show that you two went to together for a little "first date" vlog so 🙏🙏🙏
it's just perfect idk man
RANBOO
Already Over ; Mike Shinoda
this song reminds me a lot of genloss so yk I had to include it here
but yeah, genloss vibes
reminds them a lot of yours and his genloss characters and their relationships and whatnot
when on set for s2 they listen to this on repeat bc your dynamic is so cool
although the viewers r desperately trying to kill you bc you're kind of at fault for genloss! rans trauma/predicament
they'll figure out that's not totally true tho
White Noise ; James Marriott
"I'd quite like to go home now" mother fucker you are his home :(
you're the "What's the point of having a friend when you're on your own in the end" outlook and they're the "I'll make an attempt knowing that I'll fuck it up" in a /pos outlook
you two go perfectly together
like two puzzle pieces, straight the fuck up
the cutest of dynamics
QUACKITY
Le Jardin ; La Femme
you guys watched Fresh together (10/10 btw)
this song came on halfway through and you soundsearched it and quickly dove into the la femme rabbit hole
he thought it was adorable cause you kind of understood the music but he understood completely
honestly got you into learning Spanish more
he literally only sees you listening to la femme to the point where he's a little concerned
you're just addicted to the paradigmes album you're fine
but he does play this on stream a lot just for you
editors go crazy after figuring out its always being played for you omg
Don't Want It ; Lil Nas X
holy shit this song goes hard
anyways yall always play this to get hyped up
he found an edit of you guys to this song and he thinks about it 24/7
literally the "people in my life should know I am not the old me" and the "wanted happiness, wanted forgiveness" duo
I can't explain it it's just vibes
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redr0sewrites · 3 months
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HI HI!!!! if you do ever decide to write for the archangels i would LOVE sum michael hcs.!!.!!.! i would gobble him up yum yum
jumped skipped and hopped over all my other requests to get to this one LMAO- considering he's non-canon i just went off my own hcs soo yea!!!!
🥀Cw: fluff, smut, bible lore™️, possible religious trauma?
🥀minors dni with the nsfw portion
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Sfw:
Michael has lived a long, long time, he's been alive since before earth was even created and has definitely seen some things
he knows that many mortals experience love, yet he never really felt such a strong connection until he met you. of course he loved his "family", but michael was a stranger to true love
HES SUCH A GENTLEMAN! michael definitely puts your needs before his, and i hc his love languages to be quality time and acts of service. he loves having you by his side more than anything, and is always spending time with you.
he's the type to give you lots and lots of flowers! you two probably have a garden that he goes to get flowers from, because he just loves how happy you get at such a seemingly simple gesture
michael is very protective, but not in a limiting way, he just wants to make sure your safe. after lucifer fell from heaven and created original sin, michael had to step up and take on even more heavenly duties. he knows how important it is to keep you safe and he loves you a lot, so he worries about you a lot
he honestly misses lucifer a lot, but he would never admit it. he talks to you a lot about his other siblings and family, and tells you stories about the beginning of earth and heaven's creation. he definitely introduces you to the other archangels, seraphims, and heavenly virtues, and loves that you get along with them. i definitely think you'd become buddies with azrael or gabriel, and y'all would cause shenanigans together (much to michaels dismay)
michael is literally so patient with you, and it's genuinely so sweet. everyone can tell he's WHIPPED, and he honestly doesn't mind. he'll listen to you ramble for hours on end, he'll try more modern food for you, he'll even adopt your music taste once he starts dating you! michael loves you as a whole and wants to enjoy everything you're interested in
HUSBAND MATERIAL. he definitely takes it upon himself to cook for you, he helps you clean, anything you need help with he volunteers to assist you.
michael is SUCH a morning person you can not tell me im wrong. he wakes up really early, and loves watching you sleep peacefully. he makes you breakfast in the morning and when its time for you to wake up, he always wakes you up with kisses or tickles or both! he loves holding you in the morning, but he's a little strict about getting up on time, he does have heavenly duties to attend to after all. if you do manage to wake up before him, you might manage to convince him to stay in bed with you for just a few more minutes. he honestly has such a soft spot for you
you are one of the few people allowed to touch his wings, which is a HUGE sign of trust on michael's part. he usually keeps his wings hidden, but there comes a time when they get so irritating that they just need to be preened. he gets all huffy about it because its "such an inconvenience", and you get to laugh at his pouty face while you gently preen his wings!
i think all the archangels have 6 wings, so it definitely takes a while. michael probably falls asleep halfway through, the feeling of your soft, smaller hands on his wings just makes him feel soft and drowsy. preening often transitions to.... other activities if yk what i mean bc of how sensitive angels' wings are. because michael keeps his wings hidden so often, his wings are especially sensitive and its one of the few times you'lll ever see him blush hehe
he has a really soft, smooth voice, and you LOVE listening to him speak. michael will definitely read to you if you ask, and you can't help but nod off to the sound of his melodic voice. i definitely think most abgels are very musical or at least enjoy music, and if you beg, you may get him to sing for you. his voice is lovely, and he'll sing you soft lullabies in old languages that you can't understand but know are loving
you two very rarely argue, and whenever you do come to a disagreement, michael adamantly refuses to raise his voice at you. he would never yell at you or say anything harsh, and is more likely to opt to just spend some time apart to think on the disagreement. he never lets you two go to bed upset, and will always sit down to have a conversation with you about any clashes you two have. i dont see him as too stubborn and i think he's willing to compromise on most accounts, but its very rare that you two argue anyway because he's so sweet all the time
Nsfw:
michael is 100% a giver in bed. he loves giving you oral and always prioritizes your pleasure over his own. he's always focused on making you cum first and really enjoys pleasing you
i see him as a switch, he could definitely be a pleasure dom but i also see him as a bit of a sub as well. sometimes all of his work and overall stress gets to his head, and he trusts you enough to let you take the reins and get him out of his own head. when he subs, he's definitely much louder and a lot whinier. he's definitely not a brat and would probably do anything you ask him to
he has a praise kink both ways, and loves showering you in praise. michael definitely likes mirror sex, and will tell you to call yourself beautiful of pretty or handsome as he fucks you.
"darling, look at how pretty you are. c'mon, i want to hear you say it. look in the mirror, don't you see how pretty you are?"
eye contact is important to him, and he enjoys a lot of basic positions like missionary and things like that, but i also see him being into lotus position because he loves being so close to you.
michael isn't very loud when it comes to sex, but he is big on talking to you. he loves whispering sweet nothings to you as you cum, and praising you in how well you took him
he isn't ridiculously vanilla, but he hasn't been very adventurous either. while i don't think he's had any official relationships before you, i dont see him as a virgin. he's probably slept with a few people, so he has some experience, but he's still learning as well. i think he's down to try most things as long as you're into them, but he wouldn't want to hurt you too much
michael may feel a bit awkward about sex, sure he knows its not a big deal, but a part of him doesn't want to overstep any of your boundaries either. he wants you to know that he's with you because he loves you, not just for sex and will make that abundantly clear. y'all definitely have a serious conversation about it before the first time you have sex, and you definitely have a safeword
GUYS HEAR ME OUT but i think he'd have a bit of a corruption kink. he'd never admit it but the thought of him being your first is SUCH a turn on, and he really loves when you get so fucked-put that you're incoherent. i think he'd be down for a bit of role play, but only if you're into it and it would definitely relate to some sort of corruption or religious corruption
i don't think he'd degrade you too much, but i do think he might mock you a bit. "oh, you were such a devout little thing, i wonder what the others would think of you now darling. sucking in my cock like a vice, you really aren't so innocent after all, aren't you dear?"
he loves overstimulating you until you're incoherent, but i don't think he's big on orgasm denial. he loves pleasuring you and he loves rewarding you more than anything. the only time i see him really denying your orgasms is if you've been a major brat and have pushed him over the edge, or if you ask him to. either way he's gonna mock you a bit on how filthy you are, but will still praise you for taking it so well
he has definitely bought you a lot of pretty little necklaces and loves seeing you in nothing but the gifts he bought you. the way the charm bounces against your chest as he fucks you, it drives him crazy! especially if theyre gold or if theyre cross necklaces, bc its so similar to his color scheme
he likes holding your hand during sex. its very intimate, and he always gives your hand a little squeeze as he's coming
i think one of the few things he's against during sex is hurting you. sure, he'll mock you here and there, but hurting you? no, its just a turnoff for him. your the most precious thing in his life, he'd never want to hurt you even in jest. if you really, really wanted him to you might get him to tie you down or maybe hold your throat/face while he fucks you, but he would never go as far as to hurt you
when it comes to you fucking him, he loves to be praised and pampered. its a bit embarrassing, but he's often so overworked and pent up that he really loves being treated sweetly. he might cry a bit during sex, trust me he's ok, he just gets overstimulated really easily. michael definitely enjoys it tho!
speaking of overstimulation, PLEASE touch his wings during sex! you'll get the sweetest moans and whimpers from him, and he'll get so whiny. its one of the few times he'll beg, and he both loves and hates when you make him cum untouched by only stroking his wings
aftercare is very important to michael, and he always takes time to clean you both up. it's an unspoken agreement that whoever tops cleans up the other first and starts the bath while the person who subbed takes a minute to catch their breath. he always wipes down your thighs and cleans you off, and when it comes to baths, he'll always make sure everything is ready before carrying you to the tub. when he's subbing, he'll probably try his best to help you but may push himself a bit too hard because he's so tired. PLEASE kiss him and pamper him in the tub, tell him how much you love him!!!!
hes genuinely just so sweet in bed and during aftercare, and overall cares about you a lot
PLSSS THE HYPWRFIXATION IS INSANE. I LOVE ALL THE ARCHANGELS AND HEAVEN AUS SM!!!!!!!!! CRYING BEGGING PLEEEADING FOR YALL TO SEND IN REQUESTS FOR ANYONE FROM THE HEAVEN AUS. the one im most familiar with is @esbellesantos au and my fav is azrael so PLSSS feel free to send in azrael reqs 😇 anyways hope yall enjoyed!!! i loved writing this sm!!!!
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