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seita · 4 years ago

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in-game | kenma kozume (m.)

pairing: kenma/reader genre: angst, fluff, smut wordcount: 𝟸𝟼𝟶𝟸 tags: established relationship, gamer!kenma cw: neglectful behavior, crying, hurt/comfort, cuddling, riding, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, squirting, overstimulation, praise kink, dom!kenma.

+ note: self indulgent bc im a hurt/comfort whore and i was going thru some KENMA FEELINGS when i wrote this.

˖˖ summary: kenma’s been awfully neglectful lately, preoccupied with his video games. you eventually get fed up and he has to comfort you and fix the hurt he caused you.

⇦ back to navigation.

Your lovely boyfriend had been playing video games nonstop for days. It had gotten to the point that even your personal time together, curled up in bed before sleeping, had been infringed upon. Instead of him coming to bed with you to cuddle and talk, he was staying up and coming to bed after you fell asleep. You’d wake up to him already sitting in front of his computer or the TV resuming his gameplay when you woke up.

You got it was his job and he loved to play with every fiber of his being but you couldn’t help but feel...neglected. You tried to ignore the aching feeling in the pit of your chest when you greeted him good morning and only sometimes received a grunt in response.

It was weighing heavily on you and you were saddened that he didn’t even notice your downed state. He also didn’t seem to miss your presence when you began to hide in different rooms away from him.

It all came to a head one evening when you found yourself craving him. Craving like having his touch on your body, making you feel good and loved like you knew he did so well. Kenma didn’t have the biggest sex drive around and as a result it sort of caused your own to dim as well. But when either of you had the urge you usually had no problems going to the other to have it sorted.

This time, however, you found yourself hesitating.

There was no way he’d choose you over that video game right now.

So with a heavy heart you laid back in bed and slid your hand down your panties, shuddering when you felt your wet folds beneath your fingertips.

You could hear Kenma’s video game through the thin walls of your shared apartment. It was distracting, knowing he was out there so close yet so far. It had been a long time since you had to get yourself off; you never needed to when you had the sweetest boyfriend ever living with you.

After touching yourself for what felt like ages, you realized you were nowhere near orgasm and promptly gave up. The frustrations of being stuck horny mixed with your hurt over being neglected by your boyfriend finally bubbled over and you felt tears pricking at your eyes. You rolled over, stuffing your face into his pillow as you cried. It muffled your whimpers and wails, not that your boyfriend would notice anyway.

Suddenly, you sat up and sniffled a bit. Something dawned on you as you sat there, listening to your boyfriend’s video game blast explosions through the walls.

There was no reason for you to be made to feel like this. You had to step up and talk to him. Communication was always the most important thing in your relationship with Kenma. He was a quiet, introverted guy who kept 99% to himself. When you first started dating back in high school, you both made it completely clear that you needed to talk to each other.

Yet there you were, ignoring that rule you’d made with him.

You crawled out of bed and wiped your eyes with the back of your hand as you stumbled out of the bedroom.

Kenma was sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the wooden coffee table as he slouched back. His hair was in a messy bun, a bored expression on his face as he slammed his thumbs against the controller buttons.

“Kenma,” you said, pausing in the doorway to the living room.

He didn’t reply, making you huff and try again. You called his name louder, stepping into the room. Finally, he tore his eyes from the screen to cast a glance at you before immediately looking back to the screen. However, it only lasted a second before his head was jerking to look back at you with wide eyes.

He sat up straighter, hitting pause on his game as he frowned up at you, “Have you been crying?”

You sigh and nod, stepping closer to him, fidgeting nervously with the hem of your shirt.

“Why?” he asked, the sincerity in his voice making your eyes tear up again.

Your bottom lip trembled as all the feelings you’ve been holding back flooded forth; “I just...really miss you lately, Kenma. You’ve been so...busy and I...just feel like you’ve forgotten me.”

His gaze softened as your words sunk in. He uttered your name, soft and sympathetic before reaching his hand out for you. You quickly slipped your fingers into his palm, letting him tug you into his lap. His arms wrapped around you, one hand cupping the back of your head as he pulled your face into his shoulder. You felt the tears you’d been holding back come forth as you heard him whisper soft apologies in your ear.

You didn’t say anything more, feeling yourself begin to doze, nestled in his lap as he rubbed his hand down your back. You sighed happily snuggling into him. The music to his game played in the background and you found yourself speaking; “you can play again.”

“A-Are you sure?” he asked, skeptical though he knew you were bound to doze off.

You nodded and closed your eyes, relaxing against him. You felt him shift as he grabbed the controller once more, settling back into the couch cushions before resuming his game. You quickly fell asleep to the feeling of the occasional kiss against your temple from him.

When you woke up, it was from being gently jostled. Kenma quickly noticed you had awoken and he frowned, reaching over to tuck some hair behind your ear.

“Sorry…” he whispered, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“It’s okay,” you reply, sitting up, “How long was I out?”

He shook his head, “Like an hour or so.”

You rolled over and got out of bed, making Kenma frown before you disappeared into the bathroom. He went back to the living room to resume his game, sitting on the couch with his controller in his lap. When you came back from going pee, you paused to take a look at him.

His bun was loose, hair falling prettily around his face. He had changed into a loose t-shirt that was too big so it fell off his shoulder, revealing his collarbones and an expanse of unmarked, pale skin. He wore a pair of soft sweatpants that he owned several colors of; they were his favorites.

He looked up at you when you came in, patting his lap before holding his hand out for you.

“You’re tired, why don’t you go to sleep?” he asked, thumbing beneath your eyes, which were still a bit red from crying earlier.

“Wanna be with you,” you whisper, leaning forward to rest your head against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers resting his hand on your back before pressing a kiss to your head, “Take all the time you need.”

You smile, relishing in having his attention, even as you heard the game play on in the background. He occasionally pressed a kiss against you.

Suddenly, the arousal you had been feeling came back to the forefront of your mind and you found yourself squirming in his lap. He grunted, brows coming together.

“Settle down, baby,” he mumbled, kissing your shoulder, eyes glued to the TV.

“Kenma…” you whimper, leaning back a bit, making sure to stay out of his way of the TV, “Can I…” he hummed, glancing at you for a second before looking back at the TV, “I really wanna ride you.”

He shuddered, nodding his head, “Go ahead, baby. Get me hard.”

You grin gleefully, and reach down to palm him, finding he’s already rapidly growing harder. Tugging at the elastic band of his sweats, he shifts a bit so you can pull his cock free, tucking the band beneath his balls. He sighs at the feeling of your hand wrapping around him to give his length a few squeezes.

You pucker your lips and spit down on the head, using it to slick up his shaft to aid in your movements. Before long, hot puffs were coming from his lips and he was at full hardness.

You sat up and yanked your panties down before tugging your shirt over your head. Completely, naked, Kenma sat back to admire your body with a low curse.

Reaching beneath you, you gripped his cock to line him up at your entrance.

“Don’t hurt yourself, baby,” he whispered, glancing up at your through messy bangs, “Run and get the lube.”

“D-Don’t need it,” you whine, running the head between your folds.

He hisses but hits pause, gripping your hip to stop you from sinking down with a pointed look, “Go get the lube, now.”

You pout but do as you’re told, crawling off his lap to rush to the bedroom. The bottle sits inside the bedside table on his side and you grab it quickly.

When you return to the living room, he’s sitting as you left him, cock resting against his t-shirt, leaving a wet spot from where it steadily drools precum.

“Here,” you grunt, crawling back into his lap, “I really don’t need it.”

“Why do you say that?” he asks, putting his controller down to take the bottle from your hands.

You watch, mouth open as he pours some into the palm of his hand. His hands were always so pretty; lithe fingers and prominent veins. He wraps his fist around his length and coats the smooth skin in the liquid. Using what was left on his fingers, he slides two fingers into your cunt. You grunt and grip his shoulders as he scissors his digits.

“You are wet,” he hummed, crooking his fingers to find your g-spot easily.

“T-Told you,” you pant, “I’ve been...wet for hours…”

“Why didn’t you just come and ask me?” he mumbled, frowning as he focuses on your fingers swallowing his fingers before he slowly adds a third.

“D-Didn’t think...oh, that you’d care,” you confess.

He shakes his head and pulls his fingers free, wiping them clean on his sweats before grabbing his controller.

“Don’t be stupid,” he mumbled, but you can hear the hurt in his voice at your words, “I’m always here, even if it doesn’t seem like I don’t because I’m being an ass.”

“Can I ride you now?” you ask, kissing your forehead.

“Take what you need, baby, I’m all yours,” his breathing stutters as you line him up with your entrance and begin sinking down, “That’s it...it’s all for you, make yourself feel good.”

You let out a slow breath as you sink down, taking his cock into your dripping walls. The stretch burns just a bit but it only feels pleasurable. Kenma sighs, biting his lip as his grip on the controller tightens as you squeeze him so perfectly.

You do your best not to jostle him too much as you ride him, grinding against him so stimulate your clit. After being unable to cum earlier, you feel yourself getting closer to your first orgasm. Your movements stutter and you press your cheek to his shoulder, panting and whining as you work yourself over the edge.

“That’s it, use my cock, baby,” Kenma pants, throbbing within your spasming walls, “Cum for me.”

And you do. It’s a calm, slowly cresending orgasm that fades almost as quickly as it arrived. But still, it left you trembling in his lap. Taking a breather, you sit quietly with your eyes closed, his cock still buried inside you while you waited for the oversensitivity to pass.

He let you, kissing your cheek and head as you came down, patiently waiting for you to do as you needed -- just as he promised. He was there for you right now, even though his eyes were on his game, his mind was concentrated on you and your sweet cunt wrapped around him.

Before long, you were moving again, but this time you began bouncing.

He groaned, leaning back as you expertly worked your hips so the tip prodded every sweet spot in your walls. You were dripping down his length, making a mess of his sweats but he truly couldn’t care less in that moment. He cursed under his breath, accidentally pressing a wrong button on his controller.

“I’m cumming again!” you squeal, nails biting into his shoulders as you toss your head back and shudder, soaking his length in your cum. He hisses, hitting pause and tossing the controller to the other end of the couch. He grabs your hips and plants his feel on the floor, jackhammering his hips up while holding you stationary, “K-Kenma!”

“Cum again,” he groans, his own eyes rolling back.

“F-Fuck!” you toss your arms around his shoulders and hug him tight as you cum again. Perhaps you never even came down from your second one. Regardless, you’re hurled into a third -- this one messier than before.

You squirt, soaking his shirt and abdomen, “Good fucking girl, good girl.”

“Th-Thought you’d let me take what I need…” you pant, trembling as he moves your hips under his strong grip, working you through the aftershocks.

He huffs out a laugh, head resting against the back of the couch, “Why let you take when I can give?”

You moan, head falling back when you ride him once more. Your body trembles in overstimulation but you just can’t get enough. He cups your breasts, pinching your nipples between his fingers as he stares up at you as if you were a goddess. Hell, to him, you were one.

“I love you so much,” he confesses, gaze soft.

You meet his eyes and feel an overwhelming sense of love overcoming you. Leaning forward, you press your lips to his and pull him in for a deep, sweet kiss.

He reciprocates naturally, cupping the back of your head.

“I love you more,” you reply, resting your forehead against his, “I love you more than anything, Kenma.”

“Shh, baby,” he coos, hearing the raw emotion bleeding into your voice, “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

You whimper, burying your face in his neck as you resume riding him. He holds you close, caressing your skin and whispering words of encouragement as you crest once again. This time, you take him with you.

He spills into you, a heavy groan in your ear as he pumps his hot load into your spasming cunt. You both relax, your body trembling as tears trickle down your cheeks and you sniffle. He pulls you back so he can look at your face. He cups your cheeks and presses a kiss to your nose.

“I’m sorry, _____,” he whispers sincerely, “I never meant to make you feel like I didn’t care about you.”

“It’s okay now,” you whimper, snuggling into him, neither of you caring about his cum dripping from you cunt. His cock is soft now, but still sheathed within you and you have no plans of separating.

He reaches over to grab his controller again, feeling you sag against him as you begin to doze off. His thumbs work over the buttons and he relishes in the feeling of having you close, wondering how he had missed it for so long without realizing.

The sight of you crying because you felt neglected still rang in his mind and he made a mental promise to the two of you that he would never make that mistake again -- no matter how into his games he became.

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #kenma x reader #haikyuu smut #hq smut #kenma smut #kenma kozume x reader #kozume kenma x reader #afton.writes

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nemesis-is-my-middle-name · 3 years ago

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Now I’m headcanoning that Lord Z had a plate as well—the Spooky Plate (befitting a Ghost Type noble). He rescued a blonde traveler who got lost in the ruins on Mt. Coronet during a blizzard, only to discover that the plate had gone missing after he had kept them safe in his den during the storm. Obviously this distressed him greatly, leading to him being even more reclusive before Emmet shows up. After someone punches Volo’s lights out in the post-game Lord Z (present since the Temple of Sinnoh is his territory) snatches the plate back and gives it to the MC, as is his right, rather than Volo just willingly handing it over.

ooh spooky plate it's so perfect!

oh man i'll do you one better though - also tagging in @fluffy-rulos bc we’ve been talking about volo and the lord and it all matches up Very Well to here:

volo doesn’t just sneakily steal the plate when he gets rescued.

like, ok, we’ve been discussing emmet getting Hurt and that’s the reason he finally rejoins with the clans, because lord zoroark was desperate enough to ask them for help to save him—but how did that happen in the first place, anyway? how’d he get hurt that bad? there’s a lot of dangerous things on mount coronet, but emmet’s generally pretty smart, and very few things are going to mess with lord zoroark and his pack, those are the Apex Predators of their particular environment yknow

BUT. lord zoroark keeps a lot of keepsakes and relics in his den. the old celestica flute and band of his warden, a comb that was once used to brush the noble’s fur... a legendary plate. volo finds out about these artifacts, and that sounds like a treasure trove! a flute and ancient artifacts and a plate? except. getting into the den is a harder thing to work. the old lord protects it most of the time, and when he isn’t there—out hunting or patrolling his territory—some of the younger zoroark are sure to be left behind, guarding the precious kits.

volo’s solution? wait until the lord is out, and then bring in a distraction for the guards. something strong enough to overpower them, that won’t need his guidance... and volo really doesn’t care what happens to the pack, if they die, well, that’s fine, now the mountain’s less dangerous for him. so something like a frenzied alpha, infused with power from the rift, would be perfect! and what’s even more perfect is something with the type advantage—like a dark-type, who not only hits the ghost-types harder, but who’s resistent to pretty much all their own attacks. so volo bides his time, watches carefully, and then looses an alpha drapion on the den when all the strongest warriors are out hunting. slip in behind it, snag the plate from the back, and watch the carnage with popcorn. simple enough.

what volo doesn’t bargain for is there being a human in the den, too. and emmet’s a pretty flimsy human but at least he can dodge, and he keeps drapion’s attention long enough that it doesn’t do too much harm to any of the young, vulnerable kits or the teen guards who really aren’t up to defeating this—freeing up those same guards to chase off the other intruder before he has much time to look around or grab things. emmet manages to stall for enough time that lord zoroark itself hears his distress call and rushes back, to discover something threatening his kits and his warden being beaten and poisoned in an attempt to protect them. the lord makes short work of the drapion—type advantages mean nothing when nobles are as strong as they are—but it can’t undo emmet’s injuries.

with the panic over his warden, it takes a while for zoroark to notice the unfamiliar scent of a trespasser in his den, something other than the drapion. after that, it’s only a short time longer before he notices that his plate is missing.

the scent is too mingled with blood and poison and dark-type attacks for him to be able to identify it, and he can’t spend too much time looking, but lord zoroark watches every human that passes by with suspicion. any one of them could be the thief. could be the one that attacked his den and his warden. none of them are safe.

#the nemesis speaks #lord zoroark #warden emmet au #the nemesis answers #anonymous #uh. this is long. whoops #edit: i love it when tumblr just doesnt work

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workofheart · 4 years ago

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eren jaeger relationship hcs

eren’s turn! modern relationship hcs. nsfw under the cut as per usual <3 levi ver.

really clingy. when ur away on a trip or something, he definitely cuddles your pillow and buries his head in it. might also spray your perfume on his hoodie so he can be reminded of you throughout the day (as if you aren’t already on his mind 24/7)

on that note, LOVES seeing you in his clothing. i feel like for most guys this is true and people mention it all the time, but eren especially. it makes him feel mushy and horny at the same time (more on that later) bc it just drapes over your shoulders perfectly. like he sees you and has to suck in a breath and look away to collect himself or else he’ll just become a puddle on the floor

likes hearing verbal affirmations. when you compliment him, tell him you’re proud of him, he gets all warm and fuzzy inside. it means so much coming from you and he knows you're genuine

really goofy, this is to be expected - tries to get you to laugh bc it raises his self esteem and confidence. he just likes looking at you being happy and smiling, it makes him feel so warm inside

definitely hides behind corners when he hears you walking or coming down the stairs so he can jump out and scare you. don’t worry though, because he always proceeds to hug you and kiss your forehead or temple to say he’s sorry but only kind of bc ur reaction was priceless. the little whack u give his arm in annoyance? he lovessss it bc it’s like he knows u still love him even when he is a little obnoxious

eren is definitely one of those enemies to lovers kind of guy bc he desperately wants someone to love him not necessarily in spite of his flaws, but with his flaws. he needs u to acknowledge that he’s far from a perfect person but still love him regardless

his favorite kind of dates are park dates. he likes going on warm & sunny days to throw a frisbee around with you in the open fields. i feel like he’s a basketball guy so he’ll bring you onto the court and play knockout... when he loses, will tell you he let you win on purpose for the sake of his ego

lolll imagine him critiquing your free throw form or something and coming up behind you to fix it (it wasn’t actually that bad, he just wanted an excuse to be near you)

really needs physical touch. he’s the kind of guy who will always be in contact w you in some way or another. when driving, his hand will be on your thigh or holding yours on top of the center console, same for if you’re out at restaurants but under the table. he’d definitely try and play footsies with you if you’re sitting across from him rather than beside him. when sleeping, he holds you really tight and won’t let you roll over so you better just get comfortable.

doesn’t mind being ur photographer and taking pics for you. he takes some time to learn the methods for the best pics but he eventually gets it

this is kind of random but when playing minecraft, he always blows up creepers and never fills in the creeper holes :| sorry. to make up for it he’ll get you music discs. also likes just going on little adventures to find a sand biome two thousand blocks away and just walking with you in game

on this topic actually i LOVE the idea of gamer bf eren. like not the league-and-monster-drinking kind but sumn about him in a headset and sitting at the edge of his bed... but he’ll definitely teach you how to play shooter games and will be so nice about it, won’t get mad at you, will give you little kisses when you’re not doing well and getting frustrated, and if you’re playing in online lobbies together he’ll stick by you the whole time and carry you

always sending you tiktoks & tries to get you to do all the trends with him. they never go viral but he goes back and watches them when he misses you

i peg him as a cat guy! really good with animals in general. i think most people would expect him to be a dog person since he can be loud and rowdy and excited, but on an emotional level i think he also just likes to be calm and relaxed and would get along with cats well. also teases you when animals reject you for him.

definitely writes about you in his journal. he jots down funny things you say or do or moments you shared so he never forgets any of them, and when he misses you he’ll read through them :( imagine when you’re so much older and he has documented proof of his love for you back when he was young please it makes me cry

also writes down little poetic words or things that remind him of you. he’ll hear a quote in a movie or a book or a song that instantly makes you pop into his head and he just has to write it down. he’s probably tried writing poems or songs about you, but he keeps those really secret because he’s embarrassed

this is kind of random but i think he’s a total beach person! likes going to spend days in the sun, builds sand castles and asks for your rating, drags you into the water to swim with him, will dive under and grab your ankles to freak you out, also looks really good in swim trunks but that's besides the point

he hates to see you upset and tries to cuddle the sadness out of you. when needs be, he’s a really good listener and doesn’t mind letting you just vent. when you cry, he pulls you in for a really tight hug and cradles your head - also because if he sees you crying, he’ll start to cry too because he genuinely feels for you

tries his best to take care of you when you’re sick. not really a good cook or anything, but he’ll make you a grilled cheese or a pop tart, albeit a little crispy even though it’s his third attempt. doesn’t mind being near you and isn’t afraid of getting sick so he’ll cuddle you anyway

loses focus when you’re talking to him sometimes but it’s not because he’s not listening, it’s because he just gets caught up in staring at you and how you look when you talk bc he just adores you. when you snap him out of his, he always gets all red and blushy :(

nsfw under the cut (18+)

really likes sending & receiving nudes/lewds. he always goes for the torso selfie to show off his chest/abs when sending, and it doesn’t matter to him what you send back because he’ll like anything you have to offer

and his responses aren’t lame either. NOT the type to send you a thumbs up or a “ayo you sexy as hell fr doe” - he will hype you up with dirty talk because he seriously means it. honestly might just send you a voice message, or call you if you’re alone and available bc while he might look at pics of you from time to time for aesthetics, the majority of the time he’s jacking off

so you know how i said he likes seeing you in his clothing? he especially likes nudes of you in his clothes. send him a pic wearing his zip up hoodie & nothing else and he’s yours

he prefers being in control/being on top but doesn’t mind if you want to take the reigns every once in a while

throws his head back and groans when u give him head. that's the image.

one of his favorite positions is when you’re in doggy but he pulls you up by the arms so your back is against his chest. he’ll snake a hand around to rub tight little circles on your clit, might put his hand around your throat if you like it. heavenly.

reallyyyy dirty mouth omg. asks sooo many teasing questions, likes hearing you say his name. “you like that, princess?” “louder for me” “who’s making you feel this good?” ugh and it’s not awkward either he makes it sound so good

has a lot of energy and a lot of stamina. stroke game will make you pass out, he’s so smooth and sets such a rhythm with his hips

things that get him going: kissing under his jaw, especially up by his ear. sucking his fingers. tugging on his hair. running your nails down his back.

pins your thighs to the bed when he eats you out. likes to make you squirm and loooves to edge you. super teasing in every way

can we just talk about his voice for a sec... he has the prettiest moans and isn’t afraid to let you know how he’s feeling. when you’re in missionary, he’ll hold himself up with one elbow, hold your hand with the other, and will lean down to moan right in your ear. sometimes does it on purpose bc he knows it turns you on from how you clench around him

usually has a death grip on that sensitive spot between your hips and your waist so he has something to hold on to while he pounds you

when he cums, he 100% buries his face in the crook of your neck, might even bite down from time to time

can totally see him going harder if he knows there’s people around, he doesn’t care who it is that’s outside the door but they’re gonna hear how good he’s making you feel whether you like it or not

wants to see your face when you cum. will definitely tell you to cum for him and keep your eyes open when he’s really feeling it - your expression makes him nut so fucking hard lawwddd

daps u up after sex just cause he’s weird like that lol

#eren jaeger x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #eren jaeger fluff #eren jaeger smut #eren jaeger headcanons #eren jaeger hcs #eren jaeger imagines #aot imagines #snk imagines #aot headcanons #eren hcs #eren headcanons #eren fluff #eren smut

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notnctu · 4 years ago

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cupid’s arrow - h.rj | 7 days

━ sweet greetings from the 7 days fluff series

genre ❥ slight angst, fluff !! details ❥ college!au, friends to lovers!au, genderneutral!reader ━ where renjun makes a bet to get you to fall in love with him. warnings ❥ explicit language, light banter word count ❥ 7.1k synopsis ❥ The silly boy has no idea what he’s gotten himself into when he makes a bet with his arrogant friend to get you to fall in love with him. Renjun never intends to confess, mainly because his past unrequited loves have demolished his confidence. So a low stakes gamble causes him a great deal of stress and pride, wishing that it was as easy as striking you with Cupid’s Arrow. While he wants your feelings to develop organically, he actually doesn’t know what he’d do if you did end up liking him back. Because to him, you have always been someone unattainable and out of his reach taglist ❥ @yourmagnanimousholiness ; @lovelycharm05 ; @watermelonxes ; @jaehyunsjasmine ; @mjlkau <3

a/n ❥ this is author doie ❀!! uhh this came out a little more angsty than i had planned it to be.. anyways its been a long time coming and we’re still working on the requests hehehe uhh keep an eye out for some blog updates bc we are starting school soon :) thanks for sticking with us so far! lots of love for everyone<3

Huang Renjun catches a glimpse of your enchanting figure across the lecture hall and how you effortlessly slide into your usual seat near the front. The tap against the tiny turnout table with your pen, ruffling your hair to only have it fall back in place beautifully, and aura alone suffocates him.

In a three hundred person lecture, all he sees is you. The only person in the room who has his undivided attention and while it might be entirely infatuation by your attractiveness, the mutual friends you two share describe you having a heart of gold.

A heart that is impenetrable. Strong, sturdy, shining metal that no one has been able to get through, but Renjun thinks that it’s because you can tell someone is undeserving. Keen and observant eyes, it’s a good thing that his stares don’t linger for long.

As he walks down the descending steps to sit in the row behind you, he remembers a very drunk night over the past weekend and an idiotic bet that has him punching himself. He wishes that he never agreed, but the liquid pride in him could not bite his tongue.

“(Y/N)?” His friend scorns and Renjun slaps his forehead at the slip of your name. Truthfully, the alcohol is messing with his head and he’s saying things that are no longer in his control. But how could he have possibly let the one secret he holds to himself out into the small crowd.

He mumbles profanities underneath his breath, trying to limit light from hurting his blurry vision, and rubbing his throbbing temples. “Yes, (Y/N).” There is no confidence in his voice at the whisper of your name.

“Dude, (Y/N) is way out of your league.” The headache just doesn’t have an end. He knows this; there is no way you’d ever bat an eyelash at him first. Renjun just likes things that are impossible to him, a poor habit of his.

“I bet I could get (Y/N) to get with me first before you ever can.” Then, Renjun’s eyes shoot open wide and the view of the arrogance laughing in the dimness slowly boils his blood.

Renjun may seem like the weaker link to pick on, but he is not one to give up a fight. While his friend has an advantage, the last thing Renjun would want is for you to fall for a horrendous two faced personality.

He’ll charm your pants off and when he gets what he wants: the victory and your vulnerability, he’ll hurt you. Would you be able to see past his fake genuineness or actually fall for the person he plays so well? Renjun can’t let anyone hurt you if he can prevent it.

“I bet that I can get (Y/N) to fall in love with me.” Renjun stumbles to stand up proudly, making himself bolder and more intimidating. Nevertheless, the drowsiness intoxicates him and he can barely keep his line of vision focused.

He sees the disgusting smirk on his friend’s face and a hand extends out for Renjun to shake. “Okay. Let’s bet on it. If you can’t get (Y/N) to fall in love with you, they’ll be mine and you can’t speak to them ever again.”

“Nice use of claiming someone who barely knows you exist.” The alcohol didn’t take away Renjun’s sharp sarcasm and the constant rolling of his eyes.

Renjun truly has no confidence at the game he decided to engage in, his only motive is to protect you from a bad guy. He wouldn’t even know how to handle the potential chance that you could like him back, did you have the ability to do so?

He never had the intention to confess to you, his heart has been broken all too much already by unrequited loves from his past. And if he had to be honest with himself, his admiration for you has become so strong that even he’s afraid to be someone to taint it.

What are the odds that the entire row behind you is already filled? Renjun’s throat closes when he sees the empty seat right next to you and the professor starting up his presentation. Other students push past him to hurry into empty seats before lecture begins, and his own feet pick him up toward you.

Like a magnetic pull, you attract him with an inexplicable force so naturally. Clearing his throat, he swallows the anxiousness that blocks him from speaking.

“Is this seat taken?”

This is it. This is the first of many looks you two will share, and Renjun’s heart pounds at his chest to wait for your eyes to meet his own for more than a second.

As if the room falls silent and everything is in slow motion, Renjun captures the very image when you blink up at him with beautiful dazzling gentleness and the utter sugar of your lips curling upwards. And he’s stunned, hoping it doesn’t show on his face.

“No.” It’s a simple reply and nothing worth jumping out of joy about, but he tries so hard to hold back the growing smile of your acknowledgement. You are being polite, but something inside of him feels giddy and like static running through his veins.

“Thanks.” Dropping his bag, he enters the seat carefully and sits with his hands folded together on the tiny table.

You examine the attentive boy, as his focus is trained on the lecture slides and the unprepared professor messing with his mic. Chuckling, “you don’t take notes?”

Renjun is surprised at your sudden interaction, completely blindsided by your friendliness. He wasn’t sure how well that would have worked, but your curiosity speaks for you. “I actually forgot my laptop today.” The heavy device sits in his bag at his feet, but he doesn’t dare take it out after the lie.

The soft ‘oh’ that falls from your mouth is too cute and Renjun clears his throat to bring him back from his daydreams of you. Looking apologetic, he shrugs and pretends to gear his attention back to the professor, who finally starts the long awaited class.

“I can send you my notes for the day, if you’d like.” The kindness in your voice does not go unnoticed, in fact, it causes Renjun to hold onto it for a little longer to fuel his undying crush for you.

“I’d love that—” Perhaps he shouldn’t have used the word love for the strictly friendly gesture. “—you’re a lifesaver. Uh, how should I refer to you as?” Playing dumb is his only way to get to you, for now.

“(Y/N). And you?” You hand your phone toward him with social media popped up to input his user handle.

Renjun introduces himself as his sweaty fingers type, and he wonders if he should have polished up any photos that may have you steering away from him. However when he returns your device, the smile that lights up your face allows him to breathe easily.

“I knew you sounded familiar. You’re friends with Jaemin, right?” Your whisper grows soft as you multitask to make conversation and jot down a few important bullet points from the slides. Renjun tries hard to dissect the information as well, but the boring tone of his professor is nothing compared to his crush finally having conversation with him.

“We’re housemates along with two other people.” His body is able to relax now that he’s broken the wall of introductions. You carry yourself to be more intimidating than you actually are.

When he peeks back over at your concentrated expression, your lip is hidden by your top row of teeth and your quick eyes dart between the monitor and your page. How are you so good at literally everything?

“A small world.” He picks up your every word, “well Renjun, since this class has basically ruined my life, would it be too much to ask if you’re down to study with me?” And despite the fluorescent lights being absolutely dull, they still dust your eyes with an enticing glitter.

He must have been staring for too long because you start your sentence of doubt, but Renjun stammers over his response. The professor isn’t quite happy with the small overlap of chatter and shoots a glare at the two of you.

That’s definitely not a good way to start, but it’s memorable. Renjun motions for your pen, and scribbles in his own font the answer to your offer:

I’d love that :)

Then, his heart soars back into the clouds once again at the grin that settles and your written response:

Me too <3

How does one get someone to fall for them? If Renjun knew, he wouldn’t still be single and infatuated with someone too good for him. He wishes that it’s as simple as the myths make it out to be, where all Cupid had to do was draw his bow and launch a loving arrow that pierces through the heart — an instant love.

But playing Cupid himself is harder than anticipated. He has no handy tools to assist him with his goals. He just has himself, lacks luster and is invisible. Can he be more painfully boring?

And he looks at you with literal hearts in his eyes. An excitement that awaits him, the true meaning of a head turner. That is you. And all he can offer is his mere presence.

“So how did you and Jaemin meet?” Looking up from your blinding laptop screen, Renjun feels the light tap underneath the table from your foot. He chuckles at the subtly adorable affection, and your own way of showing it.

This has to be the third round of study sessions you two shared, and bit by bit, he falls more and more for you despite it needing to be the other way around. The captivating get-to-know you conversation of favorites all down to your aspirations and goals.

The intelligence of you, your wisdom, your perspective. While he did not have this insight before, knowing it now only makes you more alluring. He can’t believe you’re even sitting with him in his shared living room, just the two of you.

“We met at orientation. He’s persistent.” Renjun laughs lightly and you smile in return, nodding along with his statement.

“Wish I met you guys at orientation. I was never the one to reach out to people first until college forced me out of my shell.” He hopes his ears didn’t deceive him, but Renjun had to do a double take: you said you guys, which includes him, right? You wish you had met him earlier?

But the latter shocks him a bit. If he recalls your first meeting, you were the one curious enough to continue speaking to him. “I would have never guessed.”

“Really?” There is a notable light in your eyes as you tilt your head. “I don’t seem shy?”

“Not at all…” He has to stop himself from going on an incredible tangent about how greatly outspoken you are, it gives away too much on how observant he’s been.

“I’m good at hiding it then.” You examine the soft shade of pink on the tips of his ears and his averting shy gazes. “What are you good at hiding?”

Your question leaves him speechless and gripping at any ends of answers. There are a number of ways he can go about it, but the truth is not one of them.

What is he good at hiding? His unconditional affection for you. He’s good at concealing every heavy heart beat at your smallest actions. He’s good at keeping a regretful secret bet.

But as those options pop into his head, he doesn’t want to say any of them. So, he opts for a white lie instead and hopes that the hesitation doesn’t sell him out for being a nervous wreck.

“I’m good at hiding what I fear.” You blink at him, clearly intrigued to want to know more.

“You do seem pretty fearless, Huang Renjun.” There is a brief exchange of eye contact and Renjun swears that his pounding heart can be heard in the silence. A smirk on your lips as you return to your work, he’s warm inside from the usage of his full name. And you don’t even realize the effect you have over him.

“So, you and (Y/N) are close. How did that start?” Jaemin jumps onto Renjun’s neatly made bed. The covers are now ruffled and tossed from the impact.

Jaemin isn’t home very often, but in the rare times he has been, it’s always during the study sessions with you. The first time you came over, Jaemin tried not to talk up a storm from seeing a familiar face. He respects Renjun’s relationships, so he tried his best to keep from prying at the boy.

“You finally want to know?” Renjun scoffs lightheartedly, punching his housemate lightly on the shoulder as he swivels around in his chair. With an excited wide smile, Jaemin tugs at his friend’s arm as an endearing sign of persistence. “Okay, okay. We have the same class.”

“(Y/N) really approached you in a three hundred student lecture?” A tone of disbelief settles in Jaemin’s rhetorical question. He cocks an eyebrow, waiting for Renjun to tell some truth.

“Not exactly. I sat next to them and a conversation just happened.” Renjun shrugs as if it’s nothing big, as if it hadn’t been for your curiosity that started this blossoming relationship.

“Spare me the details.” Jaemin sits up to hold Renjun by his shoulders. The pressure feels oddly crushing, like a whole weight dropping on him. Jaemin stares him dead in the eyes. “What are your motives, Huang Renjun?”

His mouth hangs slightly open from the question. “I can’t be friends with (Y/N)?” Almost defensively, Renjun furrows his eyebrows at his friend, but he can tell Jaemin has caught onto his lie.

“I heard that you made a bet with a certain shithead.” Jaemin rolls his eyes at remembering their horrible mutual, a crime to even consider him as a friend. He drops his heavy hands from Renjun’s shoulders and falls back onto the mattress.

The alarming expression of grave danger, Renjun is screwed. He gulps the gathered saliva in the back of his mouth, searching for a plausible explanation. “I was drunk.” He slaps his forehead at the stupid reasoning as Jaemin shoots upright to begin scolding him.

“Let me explain,” Renjun covers his mouth to halt Jaemin’s excessive nagging. “I like (Y/N), that’s how the bet even came alive. I slipped up and then he was saying all this stuff about (Y/N) being out of my league.”

“Which is true.” Jaemin adds, quite muffled but doesn’t slip past Renjun.

Renjun glares and thanks him sarcastically. “I made the bet to protect (Y/N) from him. He was provoking me by saying that he can get (Y/N) first and since I was heavily intoxicated, I didn’t think before I spoke.”

Jaemin holds Renjun warmly, seeing that his friend needed a hug from the saddened memory. It’s all too obvious how regretful Renjun feels. “So I’m trying my best at carrying the bet because there’s too much at stake.”

A chill runs down his spine remembering the consequences. He just can’t fail. Jaemin pulls away and lightly pats Renjun’s hair. “Cupid has made you into a fool for your crush.”

“He’s made me into a bigger one for thinking I could get my crush to like me back.” Renjun sighs in defeat and groans loudly. Why does this frustrate him so much? Perhaps it’s the lack of ability to actually get someone to like him back.

Renjun has been single for his entire life, not by choice. He’s done the movie cliches of a confession: a bouquet of roses, a poster, a night under the stars. And not one has ever accepted his feelings. He doesn’t blame any of them since he still struggles with finding things to love about himself. What is there to love about him? He can’t seem to find any redeeming qualities worth mentioning.

But you. You, alone, is simply worth an honorable mention. And now that it’s been well over a month of your friendship, he can confirm that you’re everything he’s ever wanted and more.

“Why don’t you start by being (Y/N)’s friend first? Love doesn’t just happen in an instant, no offense to Cupid or anything. I mean.. isn’t it all just a myth anyways?” Jaemin picks Renjun’s falling chin and he can see the glossy eyes of sadness. They swim with frustration and guilt.

Like an epiphany, Jaemin gave Renjun a starting place. For weeks, Renjun racked his brain for an easy solution out of it all. In reality, he didn’t need any wicked form of magic for foul play. He just wants to be by your side for as long as you allow. And a part of him is scared for you to like him back.

You’ve always been too out of his reach. Standing on a pedestal, you’re something unattainable. It’s lucky that you even bat an eyelash at him. He’s admired you all too much, Renjun won’t actually know what to do if you ever did like him back.

This all stems from his inner insecurities, like a recurring thought: what is there to like about him? Or is he even good enough for you?

If someone had warned him that love could become this confusing, he would’ve sacrificed his heart for something less complicated. To feel. To love. Renjun wishes he can remove the love bow that pierced through his chest.

On a random Friday night, Renjun’s phone rings with an unexpected caller ID. He pauses the song he’s been listening to for the past hour to pick up.

“Renjun! I’m sad and drunk right now.” Your voice is incredibly slurred and he can barely hear you with the loud background noise. “Can you come pick me up?”

“Are you over on Third Ave. again?” He despises that place. A house on the corner of Third Avenue right off the interstate from campus that throws weekly parties. These parties are overcrowded with creeps and cheap booze. Unfortunately, you’re favorite place to run away to.

This isn’t his first time coming to get you. Over the past few months of your established friendship, you’ve sent him numerous amounts of drunk texts calling for him. This is the first time you actually called, preluding to a really rough night you’ve been having.

You sigh into the receiver, “you remembered.” like you’re on the verge of tears, he can hear the quiver in your tiny voice.

“I have your location, idiot.” Renjun smiles at your silly drunk reactions, finding you more enduring from the innocence. “I’ll be there in a blink.”

“Okay, I’ll close my eyes so I can open them to you.” You giggle before hanging up and Renjun can’t keep the widest grin off of his face. He’s rushing out his door, not wanting to wait another second to see you.

One thing Renjun realized after finally growing close enough to you is that through all his infatuation, you’re still a human. While he thinks of you in a sparkling cascading glitter waterfall, you’re made of the same softness that Renjun has. You’re not perfect and he needed to stop idolizing you as if you’re some shiny trophy.

No, he’s learned that he needed to love you for who you truly are. And the moment he broke down your layers, the glass tears that fell from your cheeks were real. The pain through your confident façade, Renjun needed to love you at your lowest.

He saw you for you, not the attractive person from his lecture he drooled months over. You are the exact reality that movies are afraid to portray. You’re courageous, chic, charming. But you’re also shy, soft spoken, and silly. You’re like waking up during dawn and marveling in the silence of a sleeping society. You’re also like smiles on a sunny day and living in the moment.

Renjun is lovestruck, wildly in love with all that you are. The only thing that brings down his spirits is the lingering bet he made several months ago and he hates how it’s always gnawing at him. It’s like an echo, bouncing off the walls of his mind. He can’t shake it off. Most of the time, he tries to focus the moment in front of him, but it has him tossing and turning in the middle of the night.

Without much surprise, you stand in front of the overflowing party house with eyes cutely squeezed shut. A friend by your side to wait with you. “Open your eyes.” Renjun yells as windows roll down and he double parks the car.

Your eyes gleam in the darkness and bidding your friend a quick goodbye, you jump into the familiar vehicle and embrace your good friend with a longing hug. Renjun chuckles at your adorable actions, patting your shoulder lightly. Despite the cheerful welcome, the mood immediately shifts when he hears your tiny sniffs and feels the tears on his shirt.

“C’mon, your favorite ice cream flavor is waiting for you at my place.” As he whispers positive affirmations, you can only cry harder into his chest. “You’re not feeling too good tonight, are you?”

It’s way too obvious of a question to ask, he knows. Truthfully, he didn’t know what to say and comforting is not his strongest skill without it turning it into a life lesson. He knows what you need, just someone to acknowledge how you’re feeling and to listen.

“I’m feeling the worst tonight. I don’t want to talk about it. Maybe later?” You pull away from his arms, even if he isn’t ready to let you go. He helps buckle your seatbelt and wipe any remaining wetness on your cheeks.

Your hand briefly touches Renjun’s which causes the boy to freeze at the sudden action. Your hazy smile is unclear, but you lean into him before he can process all the randomness. A kiss on his cheek, the most delicate feeling of lips on skin.

Renjun explodes inside, like hazardous fireworks on a cloudy night. He wants to enjoy it, but his circumstances make it difficult for him to. “Thanks for coming to get me.” Your body slumps back onto the seat, a pout on your lower lip. Renjun shifts awkwardly in his seat, buckling his seatbelt to begin the ride home. He can’t find the words to say.

You’re being too casual about what had just happened, as if you’re ignoring it all. Or you simply have no control over anything that you’re doing. “Let me tell you a secret, Injunie.” The sugarcoated nickname. You’re definitely too drunk at the moment, and whatever you do now will be long forgotten the next morning.

Renjun still doesn’t say anything, relishing in the kiss on the cheek just seconds ago. His fingers lightly touch his face, grazing upon the very part your lips came in contact with. He’s truly through the moon and— “I used to have the biggest crush on Jaemin.” Renjun abruptly steps on the brakes, whipping the both of you in your seats.

His heart is falling, it’s plummeting and he can’t do anything to save it. “I really didn’t expect such a surprised reaction.”

Renjun clears his throat. “I’m just caught off guard.” Not a lie, he really wasn’t expecting a confession and his heart to break right at this moment. “Why Jaemin?”

He knows why Jaemin. He’s a social butterfly with no caution to the wind and a heart made of pure kindness. A welcoming friendly figure that won’t hesitate to feed into someone’s need for words of affirmation. Not to mention, Jaemin has a good few inches above him and looks of a poster kpop idol. Of course, you liked Jaemin.

“He has such a good heart. I guess I just like guys who think of me first, as selfish as that sounds. I don’t prioritize myself, so it would be nice if someone else did.” You fiddle your thumbs and Renjun is impatiently tapping his fingers against the wheel.

The red traffic light before you enacts two different feelings. Renjun wants this ride to end as fast as possible. You want this ride to last forever.

“But, Jaemin is seeing someone.”

Your head ducks down and out the window at the shining streetlamps; you know very well about Jaemin’s love life. “I didn’t expect anything from him. I just liked him for him. He came to pick me up every time I would ask, I guess I have a thing for guys who do that.”

Renjun tightens his grip, heart pounding at your statement. You peer up to look at your friend in the lack of light. His glasses sit low on his nose bridge, a soft cotton shirt hugs his torso, and pajama pants that clad his legs. A mess bed of hair as the cherry on top.

After Jaemin, you swore to yourself that you wouldn’t fall for anyone so easily. All of that was thrown out the window the very first night Renjun came to your saving. Despite contrary belief, your heart is not as impenetrable as people make you out to be. And as tough as you can be, it was too hard not to be the slightest interested in him.

Ever since your first meeting, Renjun has always been cool and collected. He’s a hothead at his best, but too playful for any serious damage. Renjun reminds you of yourself. Like a huge impenetrable wall built against any trouble to enter, he is as guarded as you are. He’s timid, and while you had tried your best to hide your own, Renjun simply embraces that part of him.

Renjun stayed after every tearful night. He’s helped you through every difficult study guide, if anything he saved your failing grade.

Renjun puts you first throughout anything; asking if you want the booth seat at restaurants, strategically walking on the outer side so you can avoid driving cars, always has your favorite snacks without you asking. Every tiny gesture, may you be slightly delusional, seemed as if he loved you. And if he did, you wouldn’t mind one bit because you wanted to love him back.

“What about you? We’ve never really talked about our love lives before.” You speak up in the silence, Rejun being awfully quiet tonight. He hopes you don’t blame him, but everything has been too overwhelming. He is no longer sure on what he wants to do or how to react.

“My love life is too sad to talk about.” He’s never wanted to talk about it with you, in case he’d slip up and say something too revealing. “It’s a long list of unrequited loves. I’ve given up on professing my feelings to someone at this point.”

“What would have to happen to get you to confess?” Your eyes coin a mischievous twinkle.

Renjun feels his palms grow sweaty, a bit nervous with this conversation topic.

“Something catastrophic.”

Something catastrophic did end up happening. Renjun wishes he could disappear, or if he runs away, would anyone notice?

He stands behind your fuming stance. In any other given situation, Renjun would be more than flattered that you’re standing up for him. However in this case, you’re making a fool out of yourself on his behalf.

“Oh, so you haven’t told (Y/N) about the bet?” Of all the nights Renjun decides to accompany you on a Friday evening, he runs until the one person he never wanted to come within ten feet to.

Truthfully, the night was going well. He ran into a few of his other acquaintances from his club, others from his classes. You held onto his arm the moment you two entered the party, afraid to lose this precious boy in the dense crowd. People walked by and expressed how cute you two looked together.

You poured him drinks that will make his head throb and you busted dance moves that made his heart throb. You were the epitome of a fun time, like an explosion of positive endorphins. Your toothy smiles. Your bright electrified eyes. Your sweet laughter. This was the last beautiful image he had of you before everything came falling apart.

“What bet?” You quickly turn around to face Renjun. His hand scratches the back of his neck and his gaze stays staring at his own feet. Your throat grows tight from Renjun’s hesitation.

“He made a bet with me that he could get you to fall in love with him.” Please stop talking, Renjun begs in his thoughts. He tightens his fist, unable to form words to speak. The thumping of the loud music makes it hard to focus.

“He—” Shaky voice and stuttering… even you are having doubts of Renjun’s character. “He wouldn’t do that.” Your eyes bounce between him and Renjun.

“I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you don't know him very well then.” Renjun’s arrogant friend crosses his arms coolly, a smug smirk unfolding on his face.

“It’s true, (Y/N). I did make the bet and I regret it every waking day.” Renjun finally speaks up, but you’re out the door before he can continue.

There isn’t another thought in his head when he’s running after you; you’re already so far down the road. The secret was bound to be revealed, but he wasn’t ready for it. He was never going to be ready for this day because his first mistake was making the bet to begin with.

He should have thought about you. He should have just swallowed his pride and talked his friend out of it. Was that a choice? Could he have just done that instead of letting it fester into such a problem?

Out of breath and out of mind, Renjun calls out your name. When you spin on your heels to walk toward him, his heart reaches for you. However, you push at his chest and he almost falls backwards.

You’re angry, more than angry. You’re upset. You have every right to be. “What were you thinking, Renjun?” There is a small crack in your voice and he can see your tear stained cheeks under the moonlight. “Am I even your friend? All this time… you had an agenda. Were your actions all fake, then? You wanted to manipulate me into falling in love with you?”

Your words are hitting like large bricks. You are questioning the past five months of your friendship and everything Renjun has ever done for you. A false reality, Renjun didn’t actually give a damn about you. He wanted to prove some odd male status. Could you be any more blind?

“Please let me explain… I was drunk out of my mind that night and the bet I made was stupid. It was before proper evaluation. Does it make it okay? No, I understand that.” Renjun speaks with his hands, clearly panicked and frazzled by the way they waved around in the air. “The bet… I did it to protect you from that guy. I didn’t want him to hurt you.”

“So you hurt me instead?” If someone were to listen closely, they would be able to hear the shattering of two hearts tonight. On this late evening, two hearts are broken under the moon and stars.

But it’s pitiful because the arrow that struck Renjun remains intact. He still loves you, which is why it pains him so much to where he can’t breathe. The information in his head is scattered, like an alarm blaring through his empty brain.

All he knows is that he loves you. You are the one thing he’s afraid of losing. From the first words you two exchanged, his fear that he hid all too well is and always will be losing you.

“That was not my intention ever. I never wanted to hurt you.” Renjun takes a step closer, but you take one back.

“Well you did because your little bet… it worked. I love you, Renjun, so congratulations.” There is bitterness and an inexplicable amount of heartbreak that lace your venomous confession.

All of his life, he thought that if one person liked him back, he’d be the happiest person in the world. Possibly confused at how to proceed with the information, but definitely glad that someone could see any redeeming characteristics in him.

But he feels all the opposite. Your confession keeps his heart broken. If anything, it puzzles him more. “How..? Why would you ever like me?” There were no tricks, no attempts at flirtation, nothing out of bounds of being your friend. He just had himself. And if anyone in the universe were to like him, he’d never expect it would be you.

You groan, growing more infuriated at Renjun. “Because you’re everything I wish I could be. You’re level-headed and insightful. You’re calm and cool, without any necessary arrogance. The way you make me feel… I feel important to you, at least, I thought I was.” Your voice continues to drop softer and softer, “how could I not like you?”

The butterflies could not come at a better time. Hearing you compliment him when he found it difficult to look past his own self deprecation, he’s beyond any levels of shock. Nevertheless, he feels apologetic and knew that this is all too good to be true.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N), for making that terrible bet. But, I need you to know one thing: our friendship was genuine. All I’ve ever wanted these past months is to make sure your sweet smile stays resting on your beautiful face.”

“Why? You didn’t know me! You used me for some … pride gamble. I was nothing to you the day you made that bet.” You shout harsh words at him, and Renjun can’t hold back any longer.

This is what he meant by something catastrophic. When he’s pushed to the edge of a cliff, all his buttons are pressed aggressively. Everything falling apart. The loose ends coming undone all too quickly to grapple. He never wanted it to come to this.

“That-That’s not true! I loved you long before that regretful night! You mean every single moment of happiness to me. You’re every ray of sunshine that kisses my skin, every blue sky that reminds me of good days. You mean everything to me.” Genuine words pour from his lips, hoping that you’ll understand what’s left of his heart.

“You’re confessing?” You gasp, practically dazed at the amount of metaphors he compared you to. “Something catastrophic.” A small moment of recollection and a mumble under your breath, you’re understanding what he meant by the phrase he used several nights ago.

“Yes because I can't lose you. I’m a mess of feelings at the moment, but I just know that I’m scared to wake up to days without you in them.” Renjun pleads, the night air causing goosebumps to rise on his arms. His eyes are full of melancholy and fear as he waits for your response.

And you want to forgive him, but would that mean your heart is being too easy? You feel lingering pain, but your eyes reflect Renjun. “To think I thought you were pretty fearless.” Scoffing, you roll your eyes at him and are completely unsure what to do next.

Nevertheless, you’ve wanted someone like Renjun at some point in your life. You hoped for better days and those didn’t start happening until you two met. Renjun went from being your distant study partner to being your number one person to call. He’s wiped more tears than any boy has.

The difference between Renjun and Jaemin is while Jaemin is known to have an extravagantly warm presence, Renjun’s is hidden underneath all the quietness. Like a breakthrough, getting through Renjun felt like getting through to yourself. You needed him to aid in your own self love.

All you’ve ever wanted is to be seen and Renjun saw you.

“I forgive you.” Renjun can finally breathe and rest his tense muscles. But when he reaches for your hand, you take it away. “But it doesn’t mean we are okay. I’ll approach you when I’m ready.”

It’s not easy to love as it’s not easy to pretend that everything can go back to normal after being hurt. You need him to understand that, would he wait for you? The many others before didn’t.

“Okay.” That is all he can say, in the midst of a defeat, he still wishes that you’d stay by his side. But he wrestles that desire with transparency and having organic feelings. Nonetheless, he values the latter. If you did really somehow manage to love him, you’ll come back when you’re ready. He knows. He understands. He sees you through and through.

And he watches you disappear back into the house to find a friend to drive you home. He loves you, but love can also be consequential.

It’s already midway into the school semester and not that Renjun is counting or anything, but it’s been practically a whole month since the night at the party. He’s done nothing, except sigh in despair and reminisce about the memories before they were ruined.

While Jaemin’s efforts to console him are much appreciated, it doesn’t do much for the fact that you haven’t acknowledged Renjun’s existence for a whole thirty days.

And although he’ll wait a lifetime for you, the question of when he should move on ponders his clouded thoughts. His intensively agonizing desire of wanting to be by your side has dwindled down now. Renjun just wants to see you happy.

“Hey Cupid,” It’s a newly despised nickname coined by the one and only person who knows how to push at Renjun’s buttons — Lee Haechan. Haechan knocks obnoxiously at his door and does not wait around to hear an answer, “get your sad face out here.”

“Go away, Haechan. I’m not in the mood.” As Renjun mindlessly skims over his calendar for important dates, he is pained by the reminder of your upcoming birthday. You had marked it yourself a while back and specifically told Renjun that his attendance is entirely mandatory.

Times have changed now, right? You’ve been radio silent for weeks and as much as he hates to say this to himself: you probably don’t remember making such an assertion. Why would you? You’re most likely not thinking about him anymore anyways and maybe that’s for the better.

“Hey! Lovestruck Asshole, I’m not going to tell you again. Get that arrow out of your ass and come outside now.” Just the demand alone in Haechan’s voice irritates Renjun enough to where he’s storming to open his door.

But what it reveals is not the smirk of his annoying housemate, instead, it is the image of the very first time Renjun ever laid eyes on you and the moment Cupid’s Arrow struck right through his heart. It’s a rush of nostalgia that surges through his veins.

You sit with a hand underneath your chin and elbow pressing into a flat surface for support. The dazed stare of daydream as you’re unaware of your surroundings, yet still waiting for something exciting to catch your attention. And just how lovely you look in the softest rose colored shirt and how your lips, still barely glistening from a quick swipe of your tongue, are slightly agape into an expressionless rest.

All before your eyes trail to the distraction of another body entering the room and for a brief second, make eye contact with Renjun as he’s all the more astonished by your grace. Then like a scene that’s imprinted in his head too clearly, your gaze drops back down to the floor and you’re back to your inner thoughts.

As if the pierced arrow in his heart is triggered, Renjun rediscovers the feelings of a newfound infatuation — a crush. Though baseless except in regards to physical attraction, he’s nonetheless amazed by how quickly you take his breath away… again.

Unlike the first memory, you actually speak to him as you’re now familiar with the starry eyed boy. “It’s been a while.”

The color in your voice that he’s missed hearing is pure music. He clears his throat as if he’s afraid of his own vocal chords breaking from nervousness.

“H-Hey, yeah. It’s been a while.” Renjun repeats dumbfounded that you’re even sitting in his shared living room.

“How have you been?” There you are being polite, but the giddiness still runs like static through his veins at being asked about his well being.

“Lost.” He blurts out the first word that comes to mind. Perhaps, he should stop using words with such heavy implications to friendly gestures. Your head immediately pops up and he scrambles to correct himself. “I mean I’ve been distracted lately.”

“Sadness really does take its course.” You tread lightly, testing the waters with a small grin. The atmosphere is oddly comforting, like feeling you can’t quite replace.

Renjun looks rather rough around the edges, but you don’t blame him since you did show up unannounced. However, the glint in his eyes is much of a delight to see. The way his small mouth curves into the tiniest smile and the gentleness in his regular cadence remind you of past long days full of laughter. The best part of them all — you spent them together.

“My birthday is coming up soon.” Jumping straight to the point of your visit, you stand up to approach him. “I plan to host a small party… and I remember saying a while back that your attendance is mandatory.”

Renjun catches his breath in his throat and he could run gleeful laps around the room if it isn’t for the poorly spaced complex. “So are you still down, Huang Renjun?”

“I’d love that.” He smiles greatly at your offer and as simple as that, your arms wrap around his torso into a long awaited embrace.

“Me too.” You mumble into his shirt and take a deep breath of his lavender scented detergent, “I’m ready. I’m ready to have you in my life. I’m ready to laugh with you. I’m ready to lay in your company. I’m ready to give you my heart.”

As you finish your last sentence, his arms wrap around you too and pull you into a tighter hold. “You have always had mine.”

Renjun can finally remove the arrow that unforgivingly stayed stuck in his heart for the longest time. Your reciprocated love fills up the hole that is left behind. He can now love you with a full and whole heart.

#nct-writers #kpopscape #neothestars #nct scenarios #nct #renjun #renjun scenarios #nct dream scenarios #nct dream #huang renjun #nct imagines #nct fluff #nct angst #nct dream imagines #huang renjun scenarios #7days

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years ago

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ANOTHER VICTORY

Michael “Riz” Ariza x Reader

Anon asked: I just want you to know I had a dream where I had sex with Riz and he was PACKING below the belt 😏 and it was great and Omgggg I will pay you if you can write a nsfw fic about that. (Also include doggy style bc that was the position 😏😏) please and ty so much ❤️❤️❤️

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: NSFW, smut and Riz being daddiest.

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits to: @fromthesixteenthfloor

Tag list: @starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @dazzledamazon @mara-mpou @sammskellington @gemini0410 @1-800-imagines @briana-mishell24 @sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

With the cardboard box of Jose Cuervo on the bar, you tie your hair in a pony-tail to place the bottles in the shelving hanging on the wall. Ray came with Happy last night, and the prospect is pretty gentle with you. You two also have a lot of things in common, so always it's nice to see him again. You're laughing about one of his bad jokes, watching sideways the tensed jaw of Riz, some meters away, sitting on a table and playing poker with some Mayans and some Sons'. He's not even paying attention to the game.

“So, when you finish?”

“Ah...” Turning to your wrist to watch the clock, you calculate the time. “One hour, more or less, why?”

“We can go to that new foodtruck you said last time”.

“Sure! I would like it. A friend of Letti works there”.

“I'm done”. You hear Riz's rough voice, seeing how he throws his cards on the table, getting up of his chair.

Walking towards you, he grabs your forearm turning you to a strange confusion, whilst he's practically dragging you through the hallway straight to the dorms. You don't ask. You know exactly what is going on, with a naughty smile on your lips. He opens the door of the room you used to use, pushing you inside, before closing it back. He looks furious, but not at you, but because of Ray and his little shame of flirting with you.

You're about to cross your arms, trying to look outraged, when he nails his hands on your hips pulling you into his body with a dry hit, crashing his lips with yours. Growling at the slight lash of pain, you tangle your hands in his hair, enjoying the dirty and angry kiss he's giving you. His hands moving fast, lifting up your shirt over your head to throw it somewhere, while yours are traveling down to the belt. He's hard because of the excessive and exaggerated situation, and you can't help but feel blessed because of his jealousy. He's not the kind that could hit another man, but fuck you harder to mark his territory and make himself sure you're satisfied enough to not find another guy.

“What 'you gonna' do, papi?” You ask with a husky voice and your lungs looking for some air.

He doesn't answer, getting you undressed as you unzip his jeans walking towards the bed. And when he can, he turns you under his hands to make you kneel on the mattress spreading your legs enough to enjoy the view for a second. He doesn't even need to play with you, 'cause he knows you're wet enough when he behaves that way. Supporting your weight on your knees and on your palms, he guides his reddened glans between your legs, till he's able to pound you with all his strength making you moan loudly with closed eyes.

“Shit, Riz...” You growl, tangling your fingers in the sheets, while he nails his on your wrist.

Every thrust is angrier than the last, hitting your soul without regrets as you like. You're sure that someone turned on the radio outside of the room, just to not hear you. It's a little uncomfortable, but you love screaming out his full name when you finish.

“Oh, god... just like that, papi”. You gasp biting your lips, arching down your back to rest your chest on the bed sinking your head between your arms.

Riz spanks your ass two times, making you squirm for a second. You enjoy a lot the sex with him when he's riled up. 'Cause it's not because of you, but he takes it out on you giving you such pleasure, always being careful of not hurting you. One of his hands tour your back, tangling it in the pony-tail to lift you up with a jerk, fitting his body better between your legs and your back supported on his chest.

Thrusting you with a non-stop move, he puts that hand grabbing your throat, looking desperate for bite your neck twisting it and leaving a wet trail of saliva. Your groans get louder placing your fingers around his wrist to make some pressure on your skin, while his other hand goes down your low belly till find your disregarded clit.

“Fuck, baby...” Riz moans on your ear, stroking your wetness with his forefinger, drawing an imaginary road through your back with kisses, pushing your chest again to the mattress.

His hands holds your waist now, pounding you faster with his head leaning slightly back. His gasps dancing with yours all around the room. He's a self-confident man and he trusts you blindly, but Happy's prospect drives him insane in a bad mood, and he hate everytime that kid is swarming near you, as if he thinks that he could have a chance with you. But you're Ariza's property and everybody knows that fact. Not as a trophy, nor a possession, nor a piece of meat in a barbecue, but the love of his life, being bewitched by you.

Maybe sometimes he has a weird way to show you that he loves you, but it's part of his charm and you like it. Licking your lips, you start to feel how close you are of cumming because the pleasure he's drowning you into. Riz pulls himself out with a disappointed growl in your throat, turning you over the bed.

“I wanna see you cum, baby”. He says laying in top of you, forcing your legs to wrap his waist.

He digs his hardness without expecting, arching your back a little because of it, looking for his lips to kiss him and suck his tongue in a soft lick, whilst your moans floods the room. Some heat chills run through the skin of your thighs, bristling it. He loves your face when the ecstasy wraps you, seeing that it's the most beautiful thing he has ever seen.

“Fuckin' Michael Ariza!” You scream out, closing your eyes and your mouth opened, while he chuckles without stopping till he fills you with his seed, with a guttural howl full of pleasure.

“Me vuelves loco, mi amor”. (You drive me crazy, my love). He whispers tiredly on your ear, kissing gently your neck and your collarbone, trying to recover his air.

You laugh covering your mouth for a second, caressing lovely with your feet his legs. Shaking your hair then, you get comfy under his body, still inside you.

“I bet you will can't to have lunch outside”. He says then, kissing your lips slowly and enjoying them.

“Yea', congratulations. You always win”.

“This is my most desired victory”.

“I'm pretty sure, Rizzy. But now, get outta' my room, 'cause I need to take a shower and keep working”.

“At your service, mi reina”.

Pulling himself out and cleaning the mess he made, he gets dressed back while you're staring at him with a funny smile on your face. Before leaving, he leans to you with a hand placed on your neck, to give you some last kisses all around your cheeks and temples.

“I love you”.

“Yea' sure. Go fuck yourself”. You chuckle pushing him to get up.

#mayans mc #mayans mc x reader #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #michael riz ariza x reader #riz ariza #michael riz ariza #riz ariza x reader

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gemsofgreece · 5 years ago

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10 Greatest archaeological discoveries in Greece the previous decade (2010 - 2019)

*You can see original Greek article by Pengy Riga here. This is a summary of what I read there translated in English and closer to my personal tone.

10. Possibly the oldest Homo sapiens skull in Europe (2019).

The skull was found in the caves “Apedema” in Mani and it was estimated to be 210.000 years old, five times older than any other Homo sapiens skull found in Europe. According to another research the skull comes from a transitive phase between Neaderthals and Homo erectus. This discovery invites the reexamination of the time the first men left Africa and spread to Europe and Asia as it might have happened way before we thought.

9. Ancient wooden artifacts (2011, 2013, 2014).

These include a wooden statue of a woman found in the Temple of Artemis in Brauron (5th Century BCE), the coffin of a young person from the Archaic Era (610 - 480 BCE), a small statue of Hermes and more than 550 other wooden artifacts and objects from the Hellenistic Era (150 - 86 BCE) in Piraeus. What is so important about all these findings is that they are made of wood, which naturally decomposes easily and quickly, so wooden archeological findings are very rare.

8. Neikó, the possessed lady of Síkinos (2018).

In the remote island of Sikinos there is an impressive mausoleum of the late antiquity. It was turned into a church during the Byzantine Era and remained a functional church till recently, when it closed for the public because it needed extensive restorations. During the restoration project, archaeologists found for the first time the unlooted tomb of a high-class woman, to whom this mausoleum was apparently dedicated. The woman was buried with all her dearest and most precious belongings but the tomb was so well hidden that it escaped all three known invasions throughout the centuries and was found accidentally when a wall collapsed in 2018. The tomb was not in the regular crypts of the mausoleum but hidden in a blind spot between two walls within the building. Her tomb was also sealed tightly, her skeleton was found in an unusual position and sulphur and tar were placed on her chest. It seems that she was believed to be possessed so they had taken precautions to ensure she wouldn’t rise after death. Nevertheless, she was loved by her family, judging from the beauty of her Mausoleum as well as the memorial scripts found in the monument. Her name was Neikó.

7. Ceramic plaque with verses from Homer´s Odyssey (2018)

The plaque was found in Ancient Olympia and has 13 verses from the Odyssey. It is estimated to originate from the Roman Era, before the 3rd Century AD. It might be the oldest Homeric text of that length found in the Greek territory and the only one carved into pottery. It was included in “Archaeology” magazine’s list of the 10 most important discoveries for 2018.

6. Tomb of Casta in Amphipolis (2014)

Easily the discovery that drew the most attention worldwide and a neverending archaeological and political thriller to this day. This is the largest burial monument ever found in Greece, in east Macedonia. It has a perimeter of 500 meters, four underground rooms, sphinxes in the entrance, two big Caryatids that would block the intruder from entering the last room with their arms, a beautiful large mosaic that depicts Hades kidnapping Persephone and finally four skeletons, belonging to two men, one old woman and a child. The excavation drew so much attention that it was abused for political reasons and it basically happened livestream, as the entire nation would watch the progress in the news every day. This inflamed the war between the two leading political parties, it messed up the excavating process itself and it caused unprecedented animosity amongst archeaologists and historians. The greatest reason for the fights was the initial disagreement for the dating of the monument as well as the identity of the dead found in it. Depending on their political affiliations, half the politicians and scientists would jump to wondrous conclusions without evidence while the other half would downgrade the importance of this discovery beyond belief. When the government changed, the Tomb of Casta was inexplicably and mysteriously abandoned. Only the local people kept protesting and pushing the authorities to continue the excavations. Since then, the leading party has changed again and the new government promises to continue the work as quickly and efficiently as possible so that the monument will open to the public until 2022. The scientific community has at least agreed that the tomb dates back to the late 4th - early 3rd Century BCE. There are many extremely optimistic estimations about the identity of the dead and equally many counter-arguments. Hopefully, we’ll eventually get some objective answers as the excavations continue. It’s been realised that excavations should continue in all the area as it is suspected that the Tomb of Casta is not the only monument waiting to be unearthed there.

5. Daskalió of Keros (1963 - 2018)

Daskalió is a settlement on the westmost cape of Keros island. Multiple excavations have taken place there from 1963 to this day by the University of Cambridge and the British School of Athens. The excavations have revealed a prehistoric shrine and settlement, densely and skillfully built. The shrine and the artifacts found in the excavations date to the 3rd millenium BCE, which makes Daskalió according to Cambridge professor Colin Renfrew the oldest known coastal shrine in the world. The findings suggest this was the work of an expert architect and the infrastructure on the location was based on a well planned project. Furthermore, there are indications that Daskalió was an important center of metallurgy. However, they imported the metals they used from other islands which also suggests nautical expertise.

4. The eternal couple of Dirós (2015)

The skeletons of two young adults, a man and a woman, were found in an embrace in a hill in Dirós. Double burials with the dead embracing are extremely rare and this one is one of the most ancient found, if not the oldest, dating back to 6000 - 3800 BC.

3. The Underground of Thessaloniki (1986 2013 till forever)

If Amphipolis is a political thriller, then the underground of Thessaloniki is the national comedy. Thessaloniki is the second largest city in Greece and thus has a bad need for a subway. The creation of a subway began in the 80s and... it’s still in the process, making the (future) subway of the city a Greek meme and a joke everyone at this point understands. However, there is a solid reason for this delay. Back in 2004 the archaeologists warned that the subway routes that were planned to be dug under the city’s central part should be modified because the area was of extreme archaeological interest. They were ignored and eventually the works were interrupted by the unavoidable discovery of Ancient Thessaloniki. Some of the most impressive findings are the largely intact main roads of the city, such as the Roman built Decanus Maximus and the Byzantine built Middle Avenue, which survived till the 18th century. Crossroads, houses, shops, graveyards and monuments have also been found. Scratches on the roads made by carriages can be seen. More than 300,000 artifacts were discovered, such as statues, jewels and other small objects. Now the fate of the underground has also become a political game as the two leading political parties fight on whether the artifacts should remain on their spot undisturbed which would make the subway’s creation harder and more dangerous or they should be removed until the subway is complete and then returned to their original place with a claimed accuracy of 90%. What’s certain is that when (or if) the subway is complete, the ancient city will be easily accessed via the metro, visible from its windows and there will also be the option to walk on the ancient roads.

2. The Tomb of the Griffin Warrior (2015)

A grand tomb was found next to the Mycenean palace of Nestor in Pylos. A skeleton was discovered in the tomb along with no less than 3500 burial gifts. The gifts were weaponry, jewels and other objects exclusively made of valuable metals and stones. Not a single plain object was found, such as a ceramic amphora for example. Many of the artifacts are made in typical Minoan style which invites a reevaluation of the relations between the Minoans and the Myceneans. The monument took its name from an ivory plaque depicting a griffin, a power symbol for both Pylos and Minoan Crete. The tomb dates back to 1500 BC and it is the best evidence of wealth in prehistoric Greece found in the last 63 years. The most important finding however is that of a tiny seal, which is unique because it’s a masterful work of miniature art that resembles the much later classical Greek art. Archaeologists deem impossible the creation of this gorgeous piece of art without a magnifying glass. The art depicts two warriors, one slitting the other’s throat with his sword. The imagery has elements that suggest an event resembling those from the Iliad - which suggests that this event depicted on this tiny seal in the Griffin Warrior’s tomb was part of the inspiration of the oral lore of the Homeric epics that began in the following centuries. It is obvious that the dead man was a most influential figure of his era.

1. Necropolis of Fáliron (2012-2016)

The most macabre discovery makes it to the first place. The largest part of the necropolis, a mass graveyard, was found already in 1913. Numerous people were executed there with the violent method of Apotymbanismós (Αποτυμπανισμός) that might have inspired the Roman crucification. A century later, in 2012, the excavations expand and unearth thousands of different burials spanning from the 8th - 4th century BCE. The most sensational discovery would happen in 2016 though; a mass burial of no less than 80 prisoners, tied and placed next to each other. All were young men of good health and were not executed with the method of apotymbanismos. Based on the evidence, the mass execution took place in the middle of the 7th Century BCE and these men must have tried to take over the rule of Athens. This was an unstable political era in the Athenian history indeed. This discovery was included in the 10 Greatest Discoveries for 2016 in the magazine Archaeology.

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lightbows · 4 years ago

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scrap of somethiiiing i’m working on again finally

idk if anybody cares at this point buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut it’s post rise of skywalker bc every time i think about that movie (which i did like) i am more frustrated about how it isn’t even about rey

so our space gal is looking for meaning Out There Somewhere...

----------------------

“I sense you are trying to do the impossible.”

“How so?” She sat back, regarding the monk with enough suspicion that he’d need no Whills’ instinct to detect it.

“It’s a heavy burden, a legacy.”

Rey nodded, unsure which of the loads she was presently trying to shoulder would drag her down first. “But not an impossibility. Everyone does it, in some way.”

“Everyone carries their own.” Abban flopped back on the sandstone behind him. It couldn’t be comfortable but he reclined with a stretch as contently as if hitting a feather bed. “You attempt to drag around two or three and none of them reach their destination.”

A deep breath pressed out a quick white-hot flame of anger, and the smirk on the monk’s face made it threaten to rise again. “You presume quite a lot,” she said in a clipped tone. “My legacy and theirs are one.”

“You tell me I presume,” he chuckled, kicking one leg over the other. “And then tell me I’m entirely correct. Master Skywalker, even far, far out here, your name preceeds you. Your story crosses that one you’re tangled up in, make no mistake. But the roots are far away and they’re getting all--” He made a wiggly gesture with his fingers that made Rey rather want to lop them off. “All dried up. Lucky you’re a desert plant, from what I’ve heard.”

Another person might have been speechless, while Rey was, not exactly to her credit, merely thoughtless. Words came easily enough as she shot to her feet. “You knew who I was this whole time!” Noble the words were not, a cracking edge to her voice that more recalled a complaining youth than a Jedi master. “And you play these games!”

“I like games,” he said in lieu of a defense, pulling himself upright again and scratching at his bristly shaved head. “Besides, you came here for wisdom you should be looking for in yourself. I offered what I could, which isn’t much.”

“That is a massive understatement.”

“Again, you pick out the self-serving parts of--” He interrupted himself with a short laugh and a shake of his head. “Let me tell you a story, Master Skywalker.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Oh, because you’re already here, because your ship will take a day and a half to get its wings back, because I am just a little bit charming,” he spoke with his hands though the gestures did not seem connected to any words in particular. “Take your pick.”

Rey narrowed her eyes a moment, then sat. “It’s the second one,” she said firmly.

Abban carried on—showing some wisdom after all. “I had a teacher, who had a teacher, who had a teacher--”

“I’ve only a day and a half, please remember.”

“--who came from the old traditions. The really old ones, back from the days the Jedi all but erased from their history once politics got into it. So, this teacher’s-teacher’s-teacher—let’s call him Master Anyu. He was from the homeworld. He lived and worked and taught at the temples, just like generations before him as far back as anyone could remember. When he was a child, they always told him he didn’t have the gift.”

“The Force?”

“The Force, the Whills’ instincts, the ability to walk and talk at the same time. You name it. He was a clumsy kid who had a hard time learning, from a time and place that didn’t have either the means or the desire or either to give him a boost.”

“But he became a Master.”

“He became a Master.”

Rey rubbed her eyes, patience dwindling yet again. “Am I meant to be inspired?”

“Not really,” Abban said with a sigh. “He rose through the stages slowly and got there by sheer endurance, and was one of hundreds. Then he raised a generation that watched their home and spiritual centers stolen from beneath them and destroyed.” He smiled at Rey’s bewildered expression, which only made her more confused. “And I’m two generations removed from that.”

“But you know his name.”

“And now you do too.” He shrugged. “Is that a legacy? I don’t know. It’s a story. He wasn’t the first or the last or the greatest. He’s a man who lived a long time so his name was said a lot, and now I’m saying it again. Longevity isn’t worthiness though, you know? Not to speak ill of the man, but there’s next to nothing we know about the Guardians who came after him, who fought and died defending what he simply carried from one wing of the world to the other.”

“But his legacy is that those Guardians existed,” Rey murmured, eyes gazing past Abban down the long hallway of those who came before him. “They come from him, and your teachers come from them, and--”

“Master Skywalker, we respect our ancestors here, those in our blood and those in our memory. You do not need to preach to me about where I come from.” His tone was lighthearted, amused even, despite--or maybe because of--Rey’s immediate look of chagrin. “We remember where we came from but we do not try to use that path as a map. It only goes one way. You cannot finish someone else’s story. It is already finished, whether you liked the ending or not.”

The words struck her with a great force and she looked away, off to the horizon where a moon she hadn’t noticed before was beginning to poke its greenish-silver head over the hills. “What about our story?” She asked haltingly, at long last deferring to the wisdom she had, at least in name, come here to find. “The universal story—all of us creatures, together in the Force.”

“Asking the right questions is a good first step, Master Skywalker.” He drummed his fingers on his knee a moment, thinking. “So, what about it indeed? Surely you don’t think you have to write that story yourself.” Rey’s hesitation was heavy enough to compell the monk to simply step over it. “Or is it that you’re upset you can’t?”

The question itself wasn’t so bad, but Abban’s amused tone was enough to set Rey’s teeth on edge once more. “I am—I am simply looking for my place in all of this.”

“To give it to you straight,” he said, one eyebrow lifting. “It would be easier to believe that if you weren’t wearing two or three cloaks’ worth of borrowed identities...Master Skywalker.”

With that she was on her feet again, this time whirling around and storming towards her speeder without hesitation. The presumptuous fool, she fumed, thoughts loud enough that she wasn’t sure how much was internal and how much aloud. Luckily the rickety engine drowned out whatever uncharitable goodbye she may have had for Abban as she sped away once more, the grind of old gears and the miniature sandstorm in her wake a familiar lullaby for her anger.

The notion of circling back to the city, where Abban’s fellow monks would be waiting with further wisdom was unbearable, so she found herself reverting to certain old habits, turning the vehicle toward the emptiest expanse of sand imaginable and driving as far as she dared. It was the kind of thing that used to have the dual purpose of clearing her head and possibly leading to a profit, some abandoned craft deep in the wasteland of an entirely different desert that might have paid for a meal or two. Now it was to avoid the food and warmth and company that waited in the other direction—still a meditation of sorts.

Settling into a glide around a dune, with the knowledge she’d soon need to circle back, it would have been easy for another person to miss: the mostly constant, fuzzy sound of sand whipping beneath repulsorlifts gradually grew less steady, the sound of stone pinging off the lower hull breaking through Rey’s thoughts. No—not stone. Rey slowed, lowering one boot to the ground, and was immediately greeted with another crunch. Glass—real glass, not transparisteel. More and more of it, as if she’d suddenly driven over only the narrowest edge of an enormous shattered mirror, stretching to the horizon and beyond. And then, hitting even harder than the sound, the feeling up ahead, the sense of enormous tragedy sealed inside a horrible glittering cage.

#star wars #fanfic #Fic

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himbowelsh · 4 years ago

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Well now I need touch starved Liebgott something! I always imagined Webgott to work the other way around. Y'know Web being unused to hugs and Lieb having no sense of boundaries. But I'm really intrigued by a concept of switching it up.

hello i’m in tears bc this took so long to write, but... enjoy an extremely touch-hangry boi. be warned, for copious amounts of obscenely soft cuddling.

Long story short, it goes like this.

David’s just finished an article, two hours ahead of the frankly unreasonable deadline sent by his editor; he collapses on the couch, promptly kicks his sock-clad feet up on the coffee table, and slumps against Joe’s side.

Joe goes very still.

At first, David thinks it’s because of his feet. Joe can be weird about things like that; he values cleanliness, and “not acting like fuckin’ animals in the house, Jesus, Web”. All the things David was never allowed to do growing up in his family’s Manhattan penthouse --- like leave dishes out or discard his clothes in messy piles --- are exactly the sort of things that drive Joe insane. He kind of relishes doing them, just to see the twitch Joe gets by his eye, and for the way he grips his hips roughly when he growls at him to “quit leaving your shit everywhere”. David’s natural sloppiness leaves Joe needing an outlet for his frustration… and their shared bedroom is kept very clean. It works out great for both parties.

So, sure, it’s probably just the feet on the table… he thinks for a grand total of eight seconds, before looking up to catch Joe’s eye.

His boyfriend’s gaze has gone impossible soft. It takes David’s breath away, a little, because Joe isn’t like that as a rule. He’s sharp edges and broken glass, jagged teeth and bladed grins. He’s harsh as sandpaper and smooth as steel. He’s frustrating, and his gentle moments come and go like fickle summer storms.

To be fair, impromptu cuddling on the couch isn’t like them either… but David needs it tonight, and stepping outside the bounds of their normal relationship can’t be the worst crime in the world. He holds Joe’s gaze for a moment, questioning and careful… but, instead of pulling away, Joe just takes a moment before sighing. His arm wraps around David’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“Rough night, Web?” he asks, an undercurrent of implication in his voice. This ain’t like you. You alright?

“You have no idea.” David rests his stubbled cheek against Joe’s chest, sighing deeply as the tension slowly drains from his muscles. Joe is hesitant to react; his actions, even as he rubs up and down David’s shoulder, lack his usual fearlessness. Joe can grab his ass in the middle of a crowded bar, or ruffle his curls just to get on his nerves… but this casual intimacy is uncharted territory for him.

He needs a distraction from his own head. David’s got just the thing. “How would you,” he sighs, “like to hear about the plight of Heteractis anemone? Because I just wrote four thousand words on it.”

“Heter— huh.” Joe sighs into the crown of his head, ruffling his curls. “Pretty sure Guarnere caught that once.”

“Knowing him, he’s still got it,” David replies. When Joe laughs, it reverberates in his chest, a low rumble in David’s ear.

“Yeah, alright, Web. Tell me all ‘bout your anemoles.”

“Anemone.”

“Yeah, what’d I say?” Joe presses his grin into David’s hair. “Amenemes.”

“Anemo-- damn it,” he mutters, burying the words against his boyfriend’s chest. Joe laughs even harder… and, like it or not, the sound it a balm to David’s frayed nerves. Even better are the strong arms which wrap around him, fully encompassing his shoulders and pulling him against Joe’s body. It’s… more than he was anticipating, more than they probably need, but it feels nice, and he doesn’t want to pull away. David melts against him, curling his legs with Joe and letting himself drift off. Fingers card gently through his hair; his boyfriend’s warm breath caresses his temple… and being this close feels so good that he forgets to remember it isn’t ordinary at all.

If he looked up at that exact moment, he might have found Joe enjoying it even more than he was… but David, as usual, preferred to sail away.

-------------------------------------

That really should have been the end of it… but after their night of unexpected intimacy, it’s like a dam has broken.

Joe does it at unexpected moments. While David is flipping pancakes in the kitchen, he comes up behind him and wraps his arms around his waist, chin looping over his shoulder. They just sort of… stay there. David is so surprised that he ends up charring the pancake, which Joe eats anyways, because he’d inhale charcoal if he was hungry enough… but while his boyfriend is wolfing blackened pancake lumps down his throat, no explanation is offered. David doesn’t know how to ask.

He’s brushing his teeth; Joe comes up behind him and holds his hips, just staying there for a few minutes. He’s reading a book in bed; Joe lies down, curling into his side like an automatic reflex. They’re watching whatever B-rated action flick Joe just insisted on going to see at the Cineplex, and Joe holds his hand the entire time.

Calling it strange is an understatement. It’s fucking bizarre.

Which isn’t to say Joe’s been shy about physical contact before, because he hasn’t. He’s just always been measured with it. Joe doesn’t hold back from touching people, grasping their shoulders or clapping them on the back… but he never goes overboard with it. His touches don’t linger. He’s a handsy person by nature, but David never considered before that he weighs every touch before giving them out.

If that’s the case, what’s changed? Why has he suddenly become so free — even apparently craving — touches he’s never asked for before?

David doesn’t know much about the scientific method, but any good journalist can test a hypothesis as well as a lab tech. Early one night, before either of them have gone to bed, he sits down next to Joe on the couch and sets the remote in his boyfriend’s lap.

“Anything but reality TV,” is all he says, and Joe smirks as he turns the station to some late night show.

He’s paying attention; David is not. Instead, his attention is fixed firmly on Joe, not even trying to hide it. The curve of his profile, the shadows along his neck and collar, the way he always lounges when he sits… like he’s trying to take up as much space as possible. Something about him seems inexplicably, undeniably lonely.

David leans over and wraps an arm around Joe’s shoulders. The reaction is expected; Joe goes tense, like he’s trying to figure out what the hell is going on. David counts back in his head: ten… nine… eight… seven…

Before he gets to five, Joe’s relaxed into him. Easy as that — it’s like teaching a puppy to eat food, or a baby to cry. Joe and touch go together like authors and caffeine. Touching is easy for him, but being touched is the most natural thing in the world.

A flame kindles to life within David’s chest, and soon it’s warming him from the inside out. He can’t keep a fond smile from his lips. After a moment, his hand strays up to Joe’s hair, threading gently through the well-maintained strands. Joe’s always had a weakness for having his hair touched, and tonight is no exception. He makes a tiny, content noise and leans into David, the tension slowly draining from his body. It doesn’t take long before he’s leaning against him, head balanced against David’s chest. Arms still around him, David holds Joe tenderly, caressing his hair while occasionally pressing kisses to the crown of his head. Joe’s heartbeat is steady, his muscles lax. David charts the gentle rhythm of his breathing until he’s sure his boyfriend has dropped off to sleep.

When he looks down, a wave of tenderness washes over him. Joe Liebgott with every guard down is a thing to see. He so rarely looks peaceful. There’s something restless about Joe, a relentless hunger thrumming just beneath his skin, determined to break free. He’s always had an edge of urgency to him… but now, dozing against David’s chest, he looks without a care in the world.

He ought to be this way all the time. He deserves to be happy all the time. God help him, if David has any say in it, Joe will be.

“Is it my birthday or something?” Joe asks, when David, completely unprompted, begins massaging his shoulders. “Shit, don’t tell me I’m another year older and just forgot.”

“Not for another few months, old man,” David replies. On reflex, Joe tries to twist and grab him, but David’s massage doesn’t let up; after a minute, he relaxes into it, slumping further back against David’s chest.

“You been acting weird lately,” Joe declares — as though David needs to be good, and as though he wasn’t the one acting weird to begin with. “Everything fine at work? You didn’t… gamble away our savings to the mafia, or promise Sobel our firstborn kid or something? If you got news for me, Web, I can take it without a bonus massage.”

“Why do you think — wait, we’re going to have kids?”

“Head in the game, Web. What’s going on?”

At once, he’s glad Joe is facing the other way, because David’s not sure what he could say otherwise. He frowns at Joe’s back muscles, kneading into them with a bit more force than necessary. Sure, he’s been… more physically affectionate these days. Joe no longer has to seek it out, because he gives it willingly… and even if touch doesn’t come naturally to David, the obvious way Joe eats it up when his touches linger in public or they draw close to each other in private makes it all worthwhile. Joe seems happier nowadays, so clearly it’s working fine.

Why’s he getting interrogated now?

“Am I not allowed to touch you?” he asks. “Just because I want to touch?”

“You ain’t a touchy-feely person. Never have been.”

“People change.”

“Not you.” Joe’s observation is too neutral for David to justify flaring up at it. “Come on, Web. What’s going on?”

He’s silent for a long moment before summoning a reply. “I want you to be happy,” he declares, finishing off Joe’s back massage with a caress of his neck. “I want you… to feel loved.”

Joe is silent for a beat before turning his head to look back at him. “That’s all, huh?”

“Yeah,” David huffs. “That’s all.”

It’s hard to make out Joe’s expression when one half of his face is cast into shadow, but David spots the amusement in his eyes… and something else, too, something softer that he can’t put his finger on. It sparks a familiar warmth in his chest, and he smiles.

“Well, don’t stop on my account,” Joe sighs. There’s no warning before he’s leaning back against David’s chest, but David’s ready this time. He opens his arms, embracing him as they go. Slowly, Joe relaxes into the comfort of his touch, and the world feels a little warmer.

#webgott #david webster #joe liebgott #joseph liebgott #my writing #Anonymous

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sapphireglyphs · 4 years ago

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Thanks for the tag, Amy my dear! @shineyma ❤ Also, you moved to Louisiana?! How is this the first time I’m hearing about this?! O_O *sigh* we need to catch up, friend!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? So my current hairbrush I got while I was in Hawaii for my middle sister’s wedding. The head of the brush is an iridescent lime-yellow with black bristles and yellow tips. The brush’s handle has a quilted-patterned silicone for a comfy, semi-squishy grip. I got it bc it reminded me of a pineapple.🍍

2. Name a food you never eat. Banana; I’m allergic.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? Too warm. 🥵

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? The 7Leaves drive-thru for my morning milk tea.

5. What’s your favorite candy bar? Reese’s Fast Break or a Twix.

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I don’t think so...

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? “Ah! Sorry water bottle!” (I knocked him over on accident 🥺)

8. What is your favorite ice cream? Pistachio

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? Milk tea

10. Do you like your wallet? So... I have a thing for mid-end wallets and purses... it puts a strain on my bank account but I make do. The very first time I saw my current wallet was on Ebay and it was love at first sight. The problem was it was an older design so it was harder to find for less than $100. So I waited and waited and waited whilst also scouring the internet for months looking for one that was reasonably priced in the color I wanted... and I nearly gave up when, lo and behold, it was going on sale for $60 bucks plus free shipping on some outlet website! I had to triple checked the website (make sure it was legit) before I shelled out the cash for my prize and the rest was history~ 😍

11. What is the last thing you ate? Lunch.

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Not last weekend.

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? Oh my goodness... it has legit been so long since I’ve watched any sports elated anything (besides the occasional sports-like competition on my weekly variety shows)...

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? I’m not a huge popcorn fan (mainly bc when it gets stuck between my teeth it can get really painful) but California’s own “Gaslamp Popcorn” Malibu Mix, which combines the company’s signature Sea Salt & Olive Oil, White Cheddar and Kettle Corn flavors is like crack. Arguably, the best popcorn in existence!

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My friend Anson.

16. Ever been camping? Does 6th grade camp count as camping?

17. Do you take vitamins? Not regularly.

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? No - it used to be a family thing. So now I only go to my local temple for New Years.

19. Do you have a tan? I don’t tan, I typically just burn.

20. Do you prefer Chinese or pizza? It depends on what I’ve had recently.

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? Only if I’m given a straw.

22. What color socks do you usually wear? I typically wear nylon socks bc of the flats I wear to work so they’re mostly nude or black.

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? More often than I care to admit unless I am distracted (which is not great either way). 😅

24. What terrifies you? Not being able to find someone to call my own.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? Water bottle, can of compressed air, pencil pouch, sunglasses, glasses, and old receipts. My table is a mess. T_T

26. What chore do you hate most? I hate cleaning the bathroom... ugh! I’m getting a headache just thinking about it!

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Jake Sim of Enhypen reading his lines for their debut trailer.

28. What’s your favorite soda? Every holiday season I would get my all-time favorite soda, Canada Dry (Cranberry) Ginger Ale... when it’s not in season, I typically drink clear sodas like 7-up or Sprite... and ginger ale.

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? Drive thru.

30. What’s your favorite number? 9

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? My mom.

32. Favorite meat? Fish.

33. Last song you listened to? "All Night” ASTRO. K-pop playlist on shuffle~

34. Last book you read? Ah… I haven’t been reading anything outside of fanfics lately. The last like novel I started reading but never finished was “A Thousand Beginnings and Endings” by Ellen Oh… I should pick it back up again.

35. Favorite day of the week? Tuesday.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? I think so but not nearly as fast nor proficient as I would be the right way around. 😆

37. How do you like your coffee? I don’t typically drink coffee but when I do I like it so sweet and creamy it shouldn’t be considered coffee any longer.

38. Favorite pair of shoes? I have the cutest pair of navy blue ballerina flats with scalloped edges and a tiny gold bow atop each side.

39. Time you normally get up? Lately it’s been late... usually around 9-9:30?

40. Which do you prefer: sunrise or sunsets? I think I prefer sunsets.

41. How many blankets on your bed? 1 comforter is usually more than enough for me.

42. Describe your kitchen plates. Vintage, milky white chinaware with scalloped edges and a pink cherry blossom pattern. Circa France,1960. Florentine by Arcopal.

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment. Pretty damn clean but that’s bc yesterday was the holidays, so my mom was in a cleaning mood.

44. Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink? I don’t drink.

45. Do you play cards? My family plays a Thai version of Old Maid called “Dummy”. It’s kinda’ addicting but I can’t play it by myself which sucks.

46. What color is your car? Dark blue.

47. Can you change a tire? Nope. 😕 I should probably learn how to do that...

48. Your favorite state or province? I’ve only been to a few and I think like Washington best... but Cali is where all my friends are sooo...

49. Favorite job you’ve had? Clerk typist for the elementary school I worked for.

tagging: @cancered-gemini @omiyukio @nosevenadapresente @cerberus-angel @doiloveyou-myohmy @safelycapricious @moonladymusings and anyone else who fancies killing some time!

#about the blogger #long post

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vanchlo · 5 years ago

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The Assistant / Chapter Twenty Five, “A New Hope”

// FIND OLD CHAPTERS HERE //

hi!!!! i hope you’re all doing okay and hanging in there during this crazy time in the world. please know that im thinking of you, and please stay safe and healthy!!! id love to hear what you think of this chapter so plz like reply with thoughts or send me an ask??? id love to talk to anybody about this story bc it sounds weird but i love this story too???? like tell me what was your fav part??? what do you predict is gonna happen?

thanks so much for still reading after all of this time, and i hope this chapter distracts you from some of the crap going on in the world ♡♡♡♡

*SNEAK PEEKY TIME*

“But some moments when I’m so deep into my work, a thought pops into my head making me think that I’ll look up and see him there. Or some days I even think I hear his voice. Or I think the text I just got was from him.

None of that happens.

And it upsets me far more than it should. Some days I’m just better at ignoring it.

I couldn’t have wished for a better “new job,” but sometimes I miss him. And I don’t know what to do about it. Because there isn’t anything I can do. I know I made the right decision to leave, but in the moments I get overwhelmed and frustrated with learning new tasks, I wish I could be sitting back in that desk down the hall from his office.”

PART TWO: THE STRANGER

The noises here are all new and hard to get used to. The printer works differently. It’s like a maze in order to find the department I work in. There are key codes I have to put in and doors I have to scan my badge at. There are so many more names to learn here, and new phone extensions to master.

But I like it.

And I think I’m getting the hang of it. Slowly but surely.

“It’s Becky, right?” a voice says, pulling me from my chaotic thoughts.

I blink, looking away from my steaming cup of tea and to the face smiling at me.

“Uh yeah, it is. And you’re . . . Molly, right?”

“Yeah, wow! You’re good at names!” she laughs before sipping from her own cup of tea and taking a seat beside me. “How are you liking it here so far?”

“It’s good so far, thanks,” I reply, picking up my tea and blowing on it. Avoiding her round brown eyes, I think hard about where I’ve seen her before. She must be in the same department if she’s in this break room. Hmmm. I hate it when I can’t remember things even though it’s on the tip of my tongue.

“You used to work for Styles and Lawson, did I hear that right?” Molly asks before taking a long pull from her mug. She crosses her legs clad in black slacks that end at the polka-dotted blouse hugging her large chest.

If I got a pound for every time somebody has asked me that here, I wouldn’t even have to work here.

“Yeah,” I say, trying not to sound how annoyed I am to have to answer this question for the hundredth time. I told my new boss this once, and somehow everybody in the Administration department now knows it.

“Interesting. It looks like you stayed in the same world coming to work at the courts,” she remarks and I nod blankly.

Yeah, as if I haven’t heard that one before in the last month, too.

I continue to smile and nod at her repetitive questions. I sometimes answer them and then listen to her drone on about her three kids until the small hand reaches the 6 on the clock and my break is over. I’ve never been so excited before to go back to work.

Sitting down at my desk, I almost smile at the way the cushion welcomes me back. Framed pictures smile back at me.

Skye and I. Robbie and I as kids in matching outfits. My dad. My grandparents.

The same ones I had on my old desk. At his firm.

My chin arrives in my hand and a heavy sigh falls from my lips. The little pink clock on my desk tells me it’s only 12:30 in the afternoon.

I wonder what he’d be doing right now.

My eyes fall shut with a groan. I try to shake my head free of those kinds of thoughts. The very thoughts I’ve been trying to push away this last month. But after so long, it’s almost too hard. I thought that the more time that passed would make it easier, but some days it’s harder than others.

I really like it here. Everybody is nice and helpful. My boss is easygoing, supportive, communicates well, and helps me with any questions I may have. My workload is realistic, it’s familiar, and I enjoy it.

But some moments when I’m so deep into my work, a thought pops into my head making me think that I’ll look up and see him there. Or some days I even think I hear his voice. Or I think the text I just got was from him.

None of that happens.

And it upsets me far more than it should. Some days I’m just better at ignoring it. I couldn’t have wished for a better “new job,” but sometimes I miss him. And I don’t know what to do about it. Because there isn’t anything I can do. I know I made the right decision to leave, but in the moments I get overwhelmed and frustrated with learning new tasks, I wish I could be sitting back in that desk down the hall from his office. I tell myself that I just miss the familiarity. But I know that I also miss him.

His sweet cherry smile.

His contagious laugh.

His bizarre outfits that I looked forward to every day.

His twinkling green eyes.

The taco dates.

The late-night hangouts in his office with wine coolers and take away.

The silly yet frustrating Scrabble games.

His smell. Sandalwood mixed with bergamot and cedar.

And his jokes.

His raspy deep drawl.

And his warm bear hugs.

Pressing my fingers into my temples, I blink hard. The thoughts disappear for a second, but not long enough. I lift my head and settle my fingers on the letters of the keyboard. The login screen is only blurry for a moment, and the moment passes. But the ache in my chest and the racing inside of my skull doesn’t stop. They only continue as I open up a document and continue my work, as I continue missing him.

I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop.

12:30 right on the dot.

The black second-hand ticks past the three nears the four, and then the five. Fat snowflakes fall against my foggy window, blanketing the rest of London in its opaqueness. The words of David Gilmour and Roger Waters tickle my ears, but I don’t listen to them. The thoughts whirring around inside of my head keep them out.

I wonder what she’s doing right now.

Is she liking her new job?

Are they being nice to her?

Did she already eat lunch?

Are any blokes flirting with her?

Does she have her own desk?

What kind of place does she work at now?

Is she happy?

That thought weighs heavier than the others, and I feel it. My lips part and a long sigh leaves them.

Knock knock!

“Yeah?” I call out, not bothering to turn around. The bustling of double-deckers, cars, and people on the streets are more entertaining than any emails I should be reading.

“Harry, are you going to join us?” I hear a familiar voice ask.

“Yeah, ‘ll be there inna minute,” I answer, ignoring the tone of Myles’ voice.

The sound of the door closing trickles past the music and into my ears. My head falls into my hands and I let my eyes close. My fingers find their way into my hair and I remain there for a second, feeling my breaths leave and enter me.

I miss you, Becks.

A few breaths later, my fingers fall. Now, they find the closed laptop sitting near me and the leather book atop it. Next, my feet find their way to the door. But they stop in front of it. All of the moisture in my throat suddenly disappears, and a giant old lump appears in its place.

Oh, not again.

I breathe in and out and wait until it passes.

My ringed fingers wrap around the handle and turn it. Swallowing past the lump, my feet move again and down the hall. Knuckling at my eyes, I round the corner and quickly wipe at my eyes.

“You okay, Harry?” Myles asks me, welcoming me when I sit down beside him in the large meeting room.

“Yeah, jus’ got somethin’ in me eye,” I tell him, gulping hard. But there’s something in his ocean blue eyes that says different. He’s been a blessing putting up with my shit and excuses, but I think he knows more than he lets on. He’s always cared more than he shares.

He pats my arm before he turns to face Jennings who begins to talk. “It’ll be alright, it always is,” he mentions in a whisper.

I nod and turn my attention to Jennings. But no matter how hard I try, I can’t. I can’t focus, and I can’t believe him. Because the chaos of my mind continues. And so do the pictures of her scattered around in there. And so do the feelings, because no matter how hard I try to shut them off, they stay. Even after a bottle of brandy. But the alcohol doesn’t make me stop missing her, and hating myself for messing up. And for losing Becks.

Alex Trebek’s voice welcomes my ears as I step foot into my flat. I jump when I hear Skye shout back at him.

“What is Little Women!” she nearly screams, and her arms fly into the air when she gets it right. “Yessssss!” she exclaims, cheering for herself. Her pigtails the color of snow and blue cotton candy dance in the air around her.

I laugh with a shake of my head, sighing as I shrug off my coat.

“Oh hey, Boops,” she greets me, garnering an eye roll from me.

“You know not to call me that,” I reply, closing the closet door that now holds my peacoat damp from the winter flurries.

“I think I’m one of the few people allowed to call you that,” she replies, and I give her a glare in return.

To no surprise, it doesn’t do anything, because she just picks up another gummy worm and feeds it between her lips coated in neon pink lipstick.

“What, did your clients cancel their haircuts and colors because of the blizzard?” I ask her, padding over to the kitchen island.

“Yeah, bloody idiots forgot how to drive in the snow or something,” she nearly hisses, but it doesn’t last long because she yells another answer at the tv. “What is the Mariana Trench!”

“Skye, we have neighbors you know,” I scold her as my eyes search the shelves of our refrigerator. “Also, would it kill you to do some grocery shopping, perhaps before we’re snowed in?”

“Yeah sorry, I meant to but I forgot.”

“What’s new,” I mumble under my breath. I grab the first thing of leftovers I see and pop it into the microwave. Rice and broccoli from last night. It’s just so exciting eating healthily. “You’re on grocery shopping duty next then.”

“Have you seen Harry yet at your new job?” Skye pipes up, ignoring my question. I truly wonder how many times I roll my eyes at her in one day or even one hour.

“No, I told you that I’m in like the way back in the admin department in the courts. He would be on the other side in the actual courtrooms where the cases are held, silly.”

“Oh well sorrrrrrrrrry,” she retorts and then yells another answer at the tv. “Who is Martin Clunes!”

The microwave beeps as I reach up into the cupboard and pull down a mug at random. It has superheroes donning its sides - Batman, Superman, and Wonderman. An old one of my dad’s. But that’s not who it makes me think of.

“Funnier is not a word!”

“Oh yes, it ‘s! Jus’ look it up in tha dictionary, or better yet, on yer phone,” he giggles in reply. Shaking my head, I type the word into Google and feel a smirk begin to warm my cheeks.

“Oh god, what ‘s that look for? I know that look’s no good.”

“So funnier is a word, huh?” I counter, feeling the smirk inch up my cheeks slowly. Turning my phone around, I show the Google page to him and watch his face morph into denial. A sneaky grin lines his lips as he resists to roll his eyes. His head falls next with a defeated sigh and he punches the pillow.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me, Harry Styles,” I tell him, my lips letting loose a laugh. He joins me before groaning and taking his word off of the board.

“I needa break,” he huffs. The sofa whines from his shifting weight and I hear his footsteps trailing behind him.

“Tea break?” I ask and hear a pleased ‘yes’ in return.

“Here lemme, ‘s my turn anyways,” Harry insists, and I feel his hand on my back. Facing him, he winks a hazel-green eye at me. “Go pick yer word, Becks. Lemme take care of tha tea.”

I nod and begin to turn to walk away. I almost stop when I feel his long fingers rub a circle into my back. But I don’t, because they’re gone before I can blink. A silent sigh drops from my bottom lip as I walk away from him.

You have no idea what you do to me, Harry Styles.

The thoughts being sewn together in my mind revolve around something other than the Scrabble tiles sitting in front of me. Instead, they’re about how well the skinny blue jeans hug his legs and another asset of his. And how the black and blue flannel he wears makes him look insanely cozy. My God.

“Don’ think so hard, Becks,” Harry titters, and I pull my eyes away from the Scrabble tiles that were beginning to grow blurry. I look to him with a question on my face and find him laughing with those eyes on me. “Can’t find any good words, eitha?”

“No,” I say with a shake of my head. I let my head fall to the back of the sofa I’m curled up against.

“Tha’s fine. Why dontcha put it t’ tha side an’ we can do somethin’ else?”

“Like what?” I ask, moving our racks of tiles to the coffee table where the board sits.

“I dunno, you can pick,” he answers. As I grab for the remote, I hear the pouring of water and the clinking of spoons.

Yawning, I sink into the sofa and press the power button. The television screen comes to life in front of me and the last thing watched appears. I flip through the channels, and after a couple of programs, I arrive on a familiar scene.

“Oooo, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince,” I hear, turning to find Harry arriving on the sofa next to me. I take the steaming Marvel mug in his outstretched hand with a ‘thank you.’

“I didn’t know you liked Harry Potter,” I mumble before blowing on my tea. After deciding it’s far too hot, I sit forward and set it down on a coaster.

“Oh, I love it. I read a few o’ tha books when I was younger, an’ ya can’t find a betta movie. There’s nothin’ like these,” he answers, eyes already glued to the screen. He sets his tea aside with a clud on the table. “Here,” Harry says, and I look over to find him draping my velvet black star blanket over me. And him.

“Mmmm, thanks,” I mumble happily, pulling it up to my shoulders. I feel him move around next to me before finally getting comfortable.

“Yer welcome, bug. I think this issa good way t’ spend tha resta tha night. Too cozy an’ tired t’ do anythin’ else,” he comments with a laugh ending his words.

I nod and tip my head to the side, not expecting to find his shoulder right there. I freeze and peek a look up at him. He notices and glances down at me. All he does is smile at me before his eyes go back to the scene on the television.

I decide to stay there and he doesn’t seem to mind, only intent on commenting on the scene happening where Dumbledore first meets Voldemort. “Oooo, I like this part here. They make it look so cool with tha wisps o’ memories, an’ tha lighting ‘s incredible an’ so spooky.”

“Mmmmh, I always liked Tom Riddle, because of how creepy he is. And he’s much better looking than Voldemort,” I comment.

“What?” Harry laughs, taking a peek at me. His thick eyebrows are scrunched in a disbelieving question as a smile pinches his dimpled cheeks. “But Tom Riddle ‘s Voldemort, ya goof.”

“Yeah I know, but like his younger self is far cuter than the noseless bald bloke he becomes,” I try to explain, but he only shakes his head with a few giggles.

God, I think I could listen to that sound for hours on end.

“Ya don’ make any sense, sometimes,” Harry chuckles.

“Come on, yes I do! Wasn’t it like with every Horcrux he made he just started looking weirder?” I counter, nudging his shoulder with my own.

“No, ya silly! It was cuz he was so deep into tha dark arts-.”

“Including making the Horcruxes!” I almost shout in argument. I watch the realization embed into his features, and I know I’ve won.

“Okay fine, yer right. Well kinda. From what I rememba it has t’ do with that, an’ cuz he was a Slytherin an’ Parselmouth so he wanted t’ look like a snake. Y’know, tha lack o’ hair an’ nose? I also read that it could also be cuz he was one o’ tha last descendants of Salazar Slytherin,” Harry continues, words of admiration falling out one after the other.

“Woooooow. I didn’t know we had a Harry Potter geek in the house,” I say, trying to stifle a laugh, but it doesn’t work.

Another eye roll.

Then possibly the most adorable pout I’ve ever seen as he moves away from me with a whimper.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I laugh, trying to pull him back over to me. But he’s so tall and long, that I have little success with my noodle arms. “Harry, I was just kidding.”

“Sure ya were,” he pouts, keeping his back to me as he settles on the other side of the couch.

His name leaves my lips in a laugh. My fingers remain around one of his biceps, and I pull, but he doesn’t move an inch. I give up with an exaggerated sigh and my own whimper.

Plopping myself back in my spot, I hunker down underneath the blanket. Pretending to watch the movie, I wait.

“Yer not gonna get me with that pout,” Harry says all of a sudden.

Taking that as a dare, I slowly look over at him. With knitted eyebrows and my bottom lip sticking out. A smile appears on his lips and blush fills his cheeks. His hands fall from his shoulder-length hair he’s just put into a bun.

“Fine, ya got me. I can’ stay mad at that face,” he relents with words dipped in sugar.

“You’re not the only one who can do a good puppy dog pout,” I comment as the couch dips with his movements. I feel his shoulder bump back into mine. I try not to smile too big as I tip my head to fall back against his shoulder.

“Ya comfy, bug?” Harry mumbles next to me.

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Good, ‘m glad me shoulder’s all comfy for ya,” he says, and I can hear the smile in his voice. I see it in all its glory when I chance a look up at him and find him smiling down at me.

It’s like looking into the sun. And like all of the times before - I never want to look away.

I swallow hard, feeling the lump forming inside of me.

“Can you please not bring him up anymore? It’s not helping the fact that I’m trying to forget him,” I spit at Skye, setting the mug down hard on the granite countertop.

“Sorrrrrrrrrry. Goodness, what’s gotten into you today? I thought you were liking your new job, Ree.”

“I am, I just don’t want to talk a-about Harry anymore,” I reply, pressing the button to open the microwave. The smell of broccoli and garlic trickles past me.

“You can’t even say his name,” she laughs, and I groan as I stir the broccoli and brown rice around in the hot glass bowl. “Heeeey, I’m sorry, okay? I don’t know why you gave up on him, you could always go back and finish your . . .”

Skye’s words trail behind me as my feet pad down the hallway to my bedroom. You’re not helping me to forget him, Skye.

You’re only making me remember him, and I’ve been trying so hard lately not to.

My quilt several shades of pink welcomes my return as I plop onto my bed. Shoveling a bite of broccoli and garlic rice into my mouth, I grab the remote and turn on my tv. Reaching for the Fire Stick remote teetering on the edge of the table, I push it and instead of grab. It clatters to the hardwood floor and I groan in response. Setting my dinner on the wood table, I regrettably leave my bed to retrieve it. Flicking on my lamp, I squat by the table and peer into the space behind my table.

There it is. The long black rectangle waits for me there. But just as I’m reaching for it, another rectangle catches my eye. This time, it’s a white one.

“Huh?” I mumble, feeling the stiff paper welcome my hands.

I flip it over and the light catches on it. The long envelope stares back at me, and so do the letters on its front. My name in black pen interrupts the white expanse, but that’s not the writing that I’m focusing on. It’s the return address.

Styles and Lawson 418 Stevens St. London UK

Turning it over, I finger at the sealed edge. I don’t realize I’m doing it, but I bite at my bottom lip as I debate whether to open it. I can’t stop wondering what’s inside, and the postage date of December 18th only makes my curiosity burn brighter. And the fact that I’ve never seen this before in my life.

“Skye, why do I have a letter from Styles and Lawson that I’ve never opened or seen before?” I yell to her through my half-open door.

“Oh, that? I put it on your bedside table when it came that day. How am I supposed to know why you haven’t opened it?” she quips, as dumbfounded as I am.

“It was behind my table, so it must have fallen.”

“Ya think?!” she replies with her usual loud volume, followed by another Jeopardy shout.

I rip it open without another moment of hesitation. The paper makes a satisfying sound. A matte white paper looks back at me. The numbers and watermark on it tell me what it is. My fingers recoil instinctively when I touch the glossy object. I instead pull it out by its edges.

Splashes of red and green and long-forgotten faces stare back at me. Myles. Mickey. Rose. Jennings. Myles. Rory. And Harry. Their faces are followed by the words “Merry Christmas from all of us at Styles and Lawson. Wishing you a happy Christmas and a fantastic New Year!” in a blocky white font. Little holly berry branches decorate the corners of the picture. A picture taken months ago at one of their big meetings, I assume. The sun is shining in through the window, and Harry’s hair isn’t as long. Everybody’s arms are around each other and a big goofy smile sits on his face. Tongue out and all.

I do it before I can stop myself. My finger dances around the outline of his face, and down the black and maroon suit he wears in the picture. Probably the only printed picture I have of him, and one of the few I have in total. But there are enough burned into my brain that I’m already trying to erase.

I toss them both onto the floor, leaving them behind my table where I wish they would’ve stayed in the first place. I return to my broccoli and rice and play a new video on YouTube. It does a good job of drowning out his voice in my head, but not good enough.

I want ya t’ come back, Becks. I want us t’ try again . . .. . . ..

Shades of brown dance around in the steaming water. I watch them twirl together and meet one another. The water slowly grows darker and darker as steam rises off of the surface.

“If you stare any harder, I think your superpowers will come out and it’ll explode,” somebody says wryly.

“Wow, I didn’ know you were a comedian,” I respond, wrapping my fingers around the warm metal chain.

“I didn’t know you were eco-friendly all of a sudden,” Myles says, nodding his head towards my cup of tea. “Or a little kid, with that dorky thing.”

“Oh shuddup,” I respond, watching the brown liquid fall from the pink silicone pig tea infuser. “It makes me feel good tryna save tha environment, an’ this li’l thing ‘s bloody cute.”

“Sure, if you’re a bleeding first-grader,” he responds with a titter, pulling a mug down from the shelf.

“Yer jus’ jealous,” I quip as I pry off the pig’s head and dump the soggy tea leaves into the waste bin.

Myles laughs and walks around me to the black fridge to take out the carton of milk. I blow on my steaming mug, watching little waves form in the brown water from my breath. A little water tornado forms from my next breath. I watch in fascination as it twirls around in the mug before finally tapering out.

“You okay, Hare?” Myles asks, his voice taking on a softer tone. A friendly tone. “You haven’t seemed like yourself lately. You haven’t even been drinking coffee much, and that’s odd.”

“I’m fine,” I answer, bringing the mug to my lips and avoiding his eye contact. Setting the mug down on the counter, I chance a look inside the fridge and wonder what to have for lunch.

“Is it Becky leaving? Is that why you’ve been acting differently?” Myles prods, nearly pulling a sigh from my lips. Or a groan.

“I said ‘m fine, My,” I nearly retorted, my eyes glazing over the lone yogurts and forgotten sandwiches occupying the shelves. Slamming the door, I walk away and pick up my phone from the table in the center of the room. Maybe some takeaway.

“Hare, you know you can talk to me about it,” Myles insists, throwing his hands up in the air. I ignore him, typing something on my phone, but I can see him out of the corner of my eye.

Like he often does, he uses his hands to talk and they jump in the air only to fall with an exasperated sigh. Then they comb through his tousled blonde hair.

“I hate seeing you like this, and not knowing how to help,” he continues softly. I give up, pressing the lock button on my phone and shoving it into my pants.

I finally face him and look in his distraught brown eyes.

“I miss her, Myles! I connected with Becky, a-and I screwed it up. I called her a liar and Amber was harassing her tha whole damn time without me knowing!” I confess, feeling the weight of the words fall from my shoulders as I finally say them. But the emotion rises in my throat, no matter how hard I try to hold it back. “She was amazing! She put up with me shit, and yet she stood up fer herself when she needed t’. She was funny, she was smart, she was beautiful, an’ I fooked it up!” The emotion eats at my words and by now, the horses are already out of their gates. And I don’t know how to corral them back in. “I hate feeling this way, but I dunno how you can help or even how I can help myself, Myles. So ‘m not g-gonna be myself ‘til I learn how t’ get ova this.”

I don’t know what to do. I steal a glance at him and find the sadness in his eyes is worse than before. I can’t handle it, and so I lift my feet and soon I’m walking out of the room. Leaving my tea, and the god awfully cute tea infuser pig. The one she got me before she left.

“I saw it and immediately thought of you.”

“Wow, thanks, that makes me feel all warm an’ bubbly inside.”

“No, silly, I just mean it looked like something you’d like. And since you drink tea so much. And you’ve been buying metal straws and bamboo toothbrushes . . It seemed fitting. And isn’t the little piggy just so cute?”

“Yeah, I guess yer right . . . it really ‘s cute.”

Winding my way around coworkers, I suddenly find myself in front of the elevator stabbing at the buttons. I don’t even register which one I’ve pushed, because I want to be anyplace but here. Today is worse than most because anywhere I look there’s a memory of her stuck there. And they jump into my head and start playing before I can stop it.

The elevator doors open with a ding and I step into the empty four walls, gladly. Rubbing at my eyes, I stab at the button for the parking garage my car is at. With a sigh, I feel some of the tension boiling inside of me leave. I get rid of the warm tears painted under my eyes and blink hard until my vision is clear again.

Suddenly, the doors open and I nearly curse out loud when I see who’s waiting. The look on his face says that he feels about the same way. I step to the side, allowing him room to join me. He almost changes his mind, but he steps on and presses the button for 17. An awkward silence surrounds us as the elevator hums to life, dinging with each floor it passes.

“Can I ask you a question?” I blurt out loud, doubting myself the second the words pass the threshold of my lips.

His confused gray eyes rise and lock with mine, a question on his face. “What?” he answers, nearly annoyed with me.

“I’m sorry, we’ve neva really talked and ‘ve neva been very nice t’ ya-,” I try, but he stops me.

“Yeah, you haven’t, Harry, and so why should I? The last time I did a favor for you it didn’t really turn out too great,” Asher responds sharply, moving further away from me shaking his head. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he changes his focus to that.

I look away and bite at my bottom lip.

Way to go, Harry.

But then the words are being shoved past my tongue and I can’t stop them.

“I . . . jus’ wanna know if she’s doin’ alright,” they say, and I’m not even sure if he heard me with how quiet they were.

Staring ahead, I see his head of blonde quiffed hair rise. He doesn’t say anything right away, but instead, he seems to think about it before he raises his head fully.

“She’s okay,” he responds, with certainty to his words. And with those words, they take a little more of the tension I feel coating my body.

“Good, ‘m glad t’ hear that . . . Is she uh liking her new job?”

“Yeah, she said it’s good. I dunno if I should be telling you this, but uh she found a clerk job in town. The same sorta thing as what she did here, which is good and makes switching jobs easier,” he continues, and I soak up every word because they’re about her. I wish I could hear these words from her mouth. But I can’t, and that’s my fault.

“A-an’ they’re good t’ her there?” I continue, not knowing how to articulate the rambling thoughts in my head.

“Yeah, they are,” Asher says, looking at me briefly. I look back and I watch his expression soften. “She’s doing well, Harry. She misses it here sometimes, but she’s adjusting and I think she’s where she needs to be right now.”

He doesn’t get to say anything more, because the elevator doors glide open.

“Thank you, Asher . . I really mean it,” I tell him, giving a small smile. He nods and steps off and out of sight.

And thus began our random elevator talks. I looked forward to them, even if they only lasted a couple minutes. And even if I only got to hear a vague update about her. And even if it made trying to forget her harder.

The halls are quiet. A ghost town from earlier in the day where hundreds of feet traveled, and even just twenty minutes ago. But it’s the lunch hour, and everybody else has the same idea as me. To leave. Now, my black mod boots are the only sound on the speckled floors. The tall ceilings hide fluorescent lights and the gorgeous stained glass also hides, but from the snow. Identical snowflakes fall in the sky outside, and I pull my coat tighter around me in preparation to join it.

The snowflakes melt in my hair and try to fly into my face, the wind pushing them this way and that. My car takes forever to warm up, making me curse myself for forgetting my matching violet hat and mittens on my desk. It only has just begun to warm up when I pull up in front of the towering brick building. Flocks of people rush to the doors from their cars, and the other way around. The vents blasting out warm air hush when I turn the key, bringing the chill with it.

Well, this is it. My lungs heave a nervous breath and I try to sike myself up to even just open the door. But my thoughts get the best of me, and strings of what-ifs and doubts circle in my mind.

What’s the point?

What if it turns out the same way as before?

What if I can’t do it?

What if I’m not good enough?

What if I made the right decision to leave?

Why should I try again?

What if I don’t like it anymore?

How can I do it by myself again when I never could the first time?

What if I fail?

Finally, I open the door and get out before I can stop. And I decide to leave all of the what-ifs and doubts there. Behind me. I focus on picking up my feet and putting one in front of the other until I’m standing in front of the familiar doors I haven’t stood before in a long time.

The warmth welcomes me and so does the familiar smells of books and fried chips. The smells I always associated with this place. Lines of people fill the entrance and conversations paint the air. The Christmas decorations are long gone, and new knick-knacks and flyers replace them. Instead, cheesy Easter decorations line the bulletin boards. Yellow baby chicks. Pink fluffy banners. Easter eggs colored in patchy by tiny hands. Colorful signs advertise local events, reminders, schedules, and many more things I don’t have the time for.

Pushing back the sleeve of my coat, I peek at my watch. I have 20 more minutes until I have to be back at work. Oh goodness, I hope I won’t regret this.

But I don’t think I will, because I’m finally doing something about all of the nagging thoughts and ideas I’ve had the last few weeks. And I’m proud of myself for at least taking the first step.

Stopping in front of the Information Desk, I’m met with a cheery smile asking me how they can help me.

“Hi, I was hoping to speak with an advisor, a Mrs. Shepherd,” I begin, feeling the words roll off my tongue with hesitance. I’m surprised with myself for even remembering the name.

“Do you have an appointment with her?” she responds, looking away from her computer she types on.

“No, I uh was just on my lunch break and I was hoping to meet with her to speak about something.”

“Alright. I’m going to need your name and what your question is for her,” the lady replies, looking between her computer screen and me. I pause, focusing on the fake yellow chick sitting atop her screen. Her heavily lined eyes wait for me behind her pink framed glasses, and her curly brown hair dances in the wind from her mini fan.

“My name is Rebecca Holte, and I wanted to speak with Sally about finishing up my last 30 credits of my law degree.”

#the assistant #fanfic #writing #harry styles #one direction #1d #harry #au #harry au #alternate universe #lawyer au #lawyer #pa harry #fine line

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collegeessayguy · 4 years ago

Photo

Have the adults in your life been hassling you about making the most of high school in preparation for college? Maybe you’ve been nudged towards classes that will look good on your transcript or lovingly pushed in the direction of extracurriculars that lend themselves to impressive application essays?

If that sounds familiar, I want you to know: that’s not what this article is about.

There are so many things to do in high school but, in some cases, the preoccupation with using high school as a tool to get into college can make life miserable and activities unenjoyable.

But there is hope high school is about more than preparing for college. If you want to make good use of your high school years and prepare for college and have a good time, the tips below are for you.

1. PRACTICE GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT IN HIGH SCHOOL, SINCE IT’S LIKELY TO GET HARDER IN COLLEGE.

One of the reasons college is more stressful than high school? You’re more independent. And because you’re more independent, life in general requires better time management. You’ll have way more obligations and your professors are not going to chase you down to remind you about that deadline next week. Not only that but your parents won’t be just a few feet away and able to bug you when you slack off.

Using a calendar to track your day is an easy way to start managing your time a bit better. Some people prefer an old-school, pen-and-paper planner. Studies show that writing things down with your hand (rather than typing them onto a screen), makes you more likely to remember them.

But your paper planner can’t send reminders to your phone. If you prefer tech, you can’t go wrong with good ol’ Google calendar. (It’s what I use.) iCalendar is also great, or your parents might have a Cozi Calendar membership you can take advantage of.

Here’s what your calendar might look like:

Regardless of the type of calendar you use, here are a few basics of good time management:

Put tests, practices, events, meetings, appointments, project due dates, and days off into your calendar as soon as you find out about them—this could be as early as the first week of the semester when you get your syllabus. Once you know when something is due, decide how long it will take to do it. Work backwards and schedule time into your calendar to work on that project or study.

For example, if your science project is due on May 10th, you could allot one hour each day to work on it, May 1 - 9. Or maybe two hours every two days.

Make sure there’s space in your schedule for downtime and fun, too! If need be, block out time to see your friends or just binge that new Netflix show. That way, when someone asks you to help them study on Sunday afternoon, you can tell them you’re busy. Busy watching the new season of Game of Thrones, that is.

2. BALANCE YOUR STUDIES WITH LIFE

You know that colleges favor well-rounded applicants–people who volunteer and get good grades, test well and take part in their communities. But balancing your studies and life is about more than just creating a competitive college application.

Taking time away from your studies will invigorate you and activate different parts of your brain. Making art, playing soccer, or just going to a concert will recharge your mental batteries in a way that a 10-minute study break can’t. Participating in life outside of academics also boosts your creativity, increases your emotional intelligence, and helps you strengthen relationships.

And just as importantly–it’s fun.

Make time to get out of your books and into your life.

3. GET INVOLVED WITH ON-CAMPUS (AND OFF-CAMPUS!) ORGANIZATIONS.

High school is about more than GPAs and SATs; it’s often a place where you form lifelong friendships. And sometimes it’s easier to form those friendships when you see people outside of chemistry class.

Explore a few of your school’s organizations–try the debate club, Ultimate Frisbee, fencing, or student government. If your school doesn’t have any organizations that light your fire, try starting your own. Maybe lots of people would want to play Quidditch if you started a team?

If starting a school organization isn’t your style, explore the groups and organizations your community has to offer. Check out rec league sports, volunteer at the local animal shelter, or sing with your church’s choir.

Here are a few other ways to connect with people in your community:

Meetup.com: A website that allows users to create events and meetup groups in their local community around any topic you can imagine: Pick-up basketball games, book clubs, weekend, painting groups, mobile app developer meetup groups for girls. Have an interest? There’s probably a meetup for it. Don’t see it? Start your own!

Your local community center: You know that building in the park with all the flyers promoting rec league sports, town hall meetings, and litter pick ups? Poke your head in and see if there’s anything on the calendar that appeals to you. It’s a great way to get to know your neighbors.

Check out greatnonprofits.org to find a non-profit near you

Use the search feature at Idealist.org for even more.

Ask your counselor! There could be something coming up next week that you don’t even know about.

Connect with a local museum–many have teen programs and docent opportunities–or check with your local animal shelter, YMCA, temple, church, or synagogue.

Maybe even go back to your middle or elementary school and see how you can help.

4. GET TO KNOW YOUR TEACHERS

Fun fact: your teachers are real, actual humans who have senses of humor, hobbies, and interests outside of getting you to turn in your homework on time. Shocking, right?

One of the easiest ways to make the most of high school is to talk to your teachers and get to know them.

Stay after class and ask that question that seemed too in-depth for the rest of the class. Tell them you loved the last novel they selected and ask if they can recommend any similar books. Ask your Government teacher what she thinks of that bill that’s moving through Congress.

These conversations will give you deeper insights into the topics you’re studying and–bonus!– will probably (read: definitely) make it easier to get great teacher recommendations for your college applications.

5. TAKE CLASSES YOU LOVE, NOT NECESSARILY THE CLASSES YOU THINK WILL PLEASE YOUR PARENTS/GET YOU A GOOD JOB/MAKE YOU MONEY.

When you’re applying to competitive universities, it’s tempting to stuff your schedule with ‘impressive’ courses you think will look good on applications. AP Calc BC! AP Physics! AP Japanese! If you truly want to take AP Calc or feel it will help with your dream of becoming a civil engineer, take AP Calc. But when you stack your schedule with classes you don’t really like and then use those classes as the basis of your college application, you’re setting yourself up for a pretty miserable academic experience.

6. PRIORITIZE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH AND LEARN HOW BEST TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.

Real talk: college can be incredibly stressful. You’re juggling a challenging course load, applying for internships, working part time–all while living far from home with roommates you might not have chosen for yourself. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, right?

Use your slightly-less-stressful high school years to build good self-care habits. What does this look like? Well, it looks different for everyone, but these basics are a good start:

Get eight hours of sleep

Exercise 20 minutes each day

Drink enough (about half a gallon) of water per day

Limit social media use (and all the self-doubt that comes with it) by setting social media locks that shut you out after you’ve exceeded a certain time limit

Bonus Tip (if you have an iPhone): here’s how to make it work for you and not against you (one of my favorite productivity articles ever, btw)

Spending time with friends doing something other than studying or talking about college applications

Your high school experience doesn’t have to be a test run for college, filled only with test prep and ‘impressive’ classes. If you follow these tips, you can totally prepare for college while still enjoying high school.

#student life #high school #studyblr #study tips #college prep #education

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afewmarvelousthoughts · 6 years ago

Text

Truth Pt. 10

Truth Master List

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: SMUT, no... really this is 95% smut. If that’s not your thing you can totally skip this or just read the last few paragraphs. 18+ y’all. Sorry bout it.

A/N: So I didn’t really intend for this to be what it is BUT I started writing and it just became lengthy intimate smut. I’ve said it before smut makes me nervous. I’m very open to feedback so please tell me what you think. (Also, I personally just don’t talk a lot during sex so I’m not one to write a lot of dialogue into my sex scenes. Ugh. Smut is weird for meee.)

I will say I had fun writing it so that’s good right?

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @handplucked @buckysstar @sam-jae @marauder–harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @meg-asaur @jewelofwinter @fairislesheets @animegirlgeeky @lydklein1 @katecolleen @siriuslycloudy2 @zannemes

Cool metal fingers stroking your temple and warm flesh ones gently rubbing circles on your lower back wake you slowly. You open your eyes to see his soft expression. His lids at half mast, the corners of his lips barely turned up, all lit by a predawn sky.

Your heart stutters in your chest. Was he always this beautiful? Did you just miss it? A whole year wasted projecting your anger and hate and fear on him when you could have had this. The regret of wasted time is a familiar feeling and one you’d rather not focus on right now.

Cutting off that train of thought you press your lips to his. The fingers at your temple reach back and tangle in your hair as his tongue finds its way into your mouth. You welcome the taste of him, pressing your body close. He’s already hard as your hand slides over the front of his sweat pants.

You rub the length of him through his clothes. Bucky pulls away trailing kisses down your neck, groaning at your touch. The sound sends tremors through your body as his fingers slide further up, under the hoodie setting your nerves on fire in the best way.

As his right-hand catches your left nipple you roll to your back, reveling in the sensation. Tenderly he kisses you before lifting the hem of the hoodie to press sweet kisses to your abdomen. He inches his mouth up bit by bit, the hoodie moving up with him until he coaxes it over your head leaving you exposed.

This is different than before, even different than sleeping nude together yesterday. Now, you’re fully present, awake, in tune with every expression passing over his face, acutely aware of every insecurity you have. Your hands move to cover scars from battles, stretch marks, the way a week's worth of malnutrition left some parts of you less… pert than you’d prefer.

It doesn’t click that you’ve closed your eyes until you feel his hands over your own. His touch gentle but firm, moving your hands away. As your eyes open his lips press into your palms before he places your hands on his chest. One over the scars reaching from his left shoulder the other over a particularly large one over his right rib cage.

Tears burn your eyes. His wordless statement settling warm in your heart. So many scars between the two of you. Countless imperfections both visible and not. And yet…

“You’re beautiful, Bucky,” your voice a breathy whisper, not willing to disturb the quiet magic burning between you. Slowly you trace the scars, learning his unique topography, determined to commit it to memory. His eyes, soft grey in the golden light look down at you. Hands run lightly down your arms making goosebumps rise.

Sitting up onto your knees you replace your wandering fingers with your lips, determined to take away the hurt of each mark thoughtlessly left on his flesh. He doesn’t move as you scoot behind him, touching and kissing the scars from his arm and ones from old injuries. You can feel him tremble beneath your touch. His breath catching, heart thundering.

At his neck, you breathe in the smell of his hair, the spice of his skin. “Y/N,” he breathes out as your teeth graze the spot where his neck and shoulder meet. He turns, left hand pulling your face to his own. His kiss is rough, your teeth clashing a touch, both hungry for the other.

Your chest is pressed flush against his back, hands trailing down the front of him until your fingers catch the band of his sweat pants. You pull them and his boxers down just enough to free his cock.

As your hand wraps around his shaft, the other running over his balls, he moans into your mouth his hips thrusting forward a touch. Already you can feel your own arousal, hot and wet. Only a few strokes in he grabs your wrist, pulling it away from him and spins to face you.

His mouth is on yours, hands on your shoulders pressing you back down into the nest of blankets and pillows. When his fingers slip into your own boxers, sliding over your clit and dipping briefly into you, you cry out against his kiss. A smirk curls his lips as he brings his hand away, rising up to pull the boxers down your legs.

Quickly he frees himself too and hovers over you. His thumbs stroke your forehead, eyes staring intently into your own. You wrap your legs around his hips and he slowly lowers himself into you.

You moan, back arching pressing him closer, savoring the ache as your body stretches around him. Then you both still. For a few moments… or maybe forever… time didn’t seem to exist here in this room… you allow yourselves to just feel this. The connection, being as close as two people can be. In all honesty, you could stay like this until the end of your long days, grounded by his presence in and around you.

Both of you seem to have the same thought and your foreheads crash together as you both go in for a kiss. Belly laughs shake your bodies, smiles illuminating your kisses to come as he moves steadily inside you.

Bucky sits up, pulling your leg onto his shoulder, pressing deeper into you. His thumb strokes your clit and you can feel yourself light up, literally and figuratively. A look of fascination fills his face. You swallow your nerves, your questions, your fear. Instead, you force your mind to only feel him. His lips make a path up your calf, stubble tickling, as he continues that incendiary motion, his hard cock at just the right spot.

“Bucky,” you manage between gasps.

“Show me those stars, baby,” the look on his face says something else. That it’s ok, you’re safe, he’s safe, he trusts you.

Covering your mouth to muffle the wild cry you come so hard for a second there’s only pleasure, sweet and hot threading through every fiber of your being. It’s like your floating. A soft sweet laugh from Bucky brings you back to earth. Your eyes open, lids heavy, before bursting wide. Gossamer filaments of light are floating up from you, tiny pulsing points at the end of each one.

Eyes wide with wonder he reaches out to touch the fading bits of energy, you gasp, amazed you can actually feel where he comes in contact with them. You’d be horrified but nothing is on fire and he’s looking at you like you’re the most incredible thing he’s ever seen.

He lowers himself back and you run your fingers through his thick hair, tugging just a touch. A purr of satisfaction rumbles in his throat and his lips meet yours. You nip at his lower lip and he slams into you.

“Fuck,” you groan into his neck holding him tight against you.

“Y/N,” he moans as he fucks you faster, arms wrapped around your back, cupping the back of your head.

You begin kissing his neck. Sucking, nibbling, biting. Each action eliciting a tantalizing groan or growl from him. Your nails run down from his shoulders to the dip of his lower back causing his whole body to shake.

“Oh god, baby,” his voice is a rumble against your ear. He catches your earlobe in his teeth and you gasp, matching his hard pace, your hips thrusting up wanting all of him now.

His arms unwind from around you. Reaching back he pulls yours down from his back, pinning them to your sides. You feel desire coil tightly in the base of your abdomen. Hungry eyes and full smirking lips look up from a veil of dark hair.

The pace of his hips ticks up, both your breath ragged as you hold the others gaze. His brows knit, bottom lip caught in his teeth. Your body arches up, arms flex against the steel grip of his hands.

You’re about to topple over the edge when he releases your arms, pulls your face to his and kisses you. Teeth and tongues and swollen lips crash together, wet and hungry. A few more thrusts and together you cry out, shaking bodies pressed close, the taste of his mouth and the salt of his sweat the most incredible combination.

Panting he falls to the side, collapsing on his back. You roll to your side and stare awestruck at him. His chest heaves, sweat glistening through the dark hair sprinkled over his torso. Thick thighs tremble, cock twitching just a bit.

“You’re fucking incredible you know?” He sounds drowsy, his right arm tucked under his head.

[Bucky]

You look at him, your hair tumbling over your shoulder, and those fascinating sparkling eyes stare disbelieving at him. How could anyone with eyes like that doubt what they could do to a person. Being with you was like magic.

He wants your lips again but his body is too tired to move. “Kiss me,” he sighs.

Somehow desire explodes in his chest the moment your tongue flits between his teeth. You were the only person he’d been with since he was… well himself again. Maybe he’s just making up for lost time.

“You’re not so bad either, old man,” you say lifting up, the ends of your hair tickling his face and neck.

He laughs, his fingers lazily stroking down your back. Your eyes flutter for a second before a mischievous grin fills your face. Without a word, you slide down between his legs and before he can say anything you take him in your mouth.

“Fuck!” The word bursts from him. His breath stutters and his hips thrust up. You pin them down with strong hands, your sparkler eyes looking up at him. It’s almost too much, he’s almost too sensitive, but he’d rather die than ask you to stop.

Groaning he runs a finger over your cheekbone, mesmerized at the image of your beautiful mouth on him. You drag your nails down his hip bones leaving quickly fading red streaks. If he let himself he could come like this, and soon. He’s got a better idea.

“Stop,” you do immediately and he stands. You stare up at him as you wipe moisture from your mouth. Christ, how could something so simple be so enticing? He extends a hand and you take it.

He pulls you up quickly. Grabbing your hips he lifts you. Automatically you wrap your legs around him, a smile filling your face. He plants kisses down your neck, loving the taste of your skin. You giggle at the tickle of his stubble. The joyful sound makes him hum with pleasure.

Holding you with his left hand he opens the door and carries you from the soft cocoon you both had been in for almost 24 hours and to the bathroom.

You slip from his grip as he reaches into the oversized shower, starting the water all three heads on, and steam, the heat instant. Stepping in he holds out his hand, you take it and follow him inside.

Immediately you lean back into the stream of water, soaking your thick hair, rivulets running down your body. His cock jumps and he swallows hard. You catch his rather slack-jawed expression and laugh a quick ringing sound that makes his heart soar.

Shaking his head he laughs too, pulling your wet body close to him, his cock throbbing against you. You begin to kiss his chest, nipping at his collarbones. The feeling shoots through his whole body.

Patience flees him. He spins you around, thumbs pressing the dimples in your low back. His tongue traces your spine causing a small moan to slip from your lips. You lean forward just a touch, lifting to your toes and he dips down, sliding his cock into you.

Your cry almost undoes him. Willing the muscles in his abdomen to relax he reaches his left hand around you pressing you closer into him, your back arching, head lolling onto his shoulder. The water on your lashes catches the light in your eyes and once more he’s dumbstruck at how spectacular you are, thankful you thought he was worthy of this intimacy.

He slides his hand down lower. When his metal fingers caress your clit you gasp, he almost stops until you hold his wrist in place.

“Bucky,” you moan, grinding against his fingers. He can’t help but smile. He’d been so unsure of touching you with his left hand but obviously, he’d been worried over nothing. Your jaw hangs open a touch and he fills your mouth with his kiss as you tighten around him.

It doesn’t take long for either of you. He strokes you while his right-hand steadies you fucking you slowly. As soon as you cry out he allows himself to release the tension in his body. Shuddering, he comes, moaning into the curve of your neck.

You turn to face him, moving wet strands of hair from his face and kiss him so tenderly, with so much care, it’s almost enough to make him cry. Would he ever be used to your tender hands?

“That was fucking amazing,” you grab his left hand placing kisses on his metal knuckles.

“It was,” he sighs out.

You both dry off and he lends you some fresh clothes to change into. Still loving the way you look in his shirt for some reason he can’t quite make sense of.

“I definitely need to go to my place,” you shimmy the sweats over your hips. “Can’t keep stealing your clothes.”

He shrugs, eyeing the curve of your ass under the knit fabric, “I mean… I don’t mind.”

You notice him gawking. With a laugh you tease, “Haven’t you had enough of me yet?”

“Darling,” he pulls you to the place he’s sitting on the bed, “I don’t know I’ll even have enough.” You look genuinely shocked and he makes a mental note that he’s gonna make sure you know just how much he wants you, every damn day… until you get sick of him.

“Why don’t we head up there now?” He asks a shadow flits over your face, “I already said I’d help you reorder the place.”

You sigh, “Fine. Let’s get it over with.”

The way you were acting he was expecting something far worse than food containers and undone dishes. He laughs a little as he looks around.

“I know it’s terrible, don’t judge.”

“Doll, this is nothing. I think you’re being a little harsh on yourself.”

You shrug, “Let me change and we can take on this shit,” you fling your hands around to indicate the whole apartment. He shakes his head at you.

While you change he starts to load the dishwasher. After about 15 minutes he’s almost done, about to hand wash the pieces that won't fit when he starts to worry. Turning the sink off he dries his hands and listens. In the silence he barely catches the sound of you sniffling from your room. He gently raps at the door, it’s not closed fully and swings open.

You’re sitting cross-legged on your bed surrounded by photos, tapes, posters, magazines. You look up at him and frantically wipe tears from your face.

“Sorry,” you begin to pick the photos up as he picks his way over the scattered clothing on the floor. “I just… I forgot I had this stuff out. I was trying to find something to… I don’t know ground myself and-” Your voice is gaining in speed, tone shaky.

He stills your hands with his. Your eyes meet his, tears sneaking down your cheeks. He wipes them away.

“You keep your memories displayed… I shove mine in a box under my bed…”

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky #the winter soldier

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