#bc even if it feels like it doesn’t matter. it does. it will. and if you notice it now you can do something about it
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BLLK BOYS X SHORT READER!
notes: ayeeee self indulgent this time 🥹 short girlies wya [requested!]
characters: Isagi, Nagi, Rin, Shidou
warnings: cursing, cringe, not proofread
ISAGI YOICHI
He’s not the type to openly say smth about another’s appearance, but he thinks your shortness is so freaking cute!! 🥹
Doesn’t comment on your height like ever— he doesn’t want to cross any boundaries or make you feel uncomfortable!!
Isagi isn’t the tallest guy around— but he isn’t short!!! so he feels extra manly when you need his help grabbing things from the top shelf hehe
he loves how easy it is just to ‘mwah! mwah!’ On your forehead :)
if anyone wants to talk shit about you being funsized they’ll have a personal meeting with Isagi Yoichi’s filthy mouth
Which ofc no one will bc you’re to much of a cutie to be shat on 😌 and you got slursagi and Writer-Kira on your back, WE GOT YOU COVERED BOO 🗣️🗣️
Thinks that ?? Cus you’re short ?? You’re fragile ??
which Yoichi honey- 😭 thanks
hes always holding your hands anyways but will YANK you closer to him when he thinks your going to fall/hit smth
and while you appreciate the loving gesture— ITS A BIT EXCESSIVE NO?
’Yoichi I’m not going to fall over in the wind y’know’
’I mean you did that one time tho?— But anyways!!’
hes a big cutie ugh
NAGI SEISHIRO
hes so tall anyways everybody is short af to him lmao 😭 so when you first meet him he just kinda stares at you
’oh, they’re rlly rlly small, pocket size? yeah that makes sense’ is his thought process LMAOO
he doesn’t poke fun at your height to much— oh who am I kidding yes he freakin does
first thing bro said to you was ‘wow, you’re so little’
If your ignoring him bc you’re on your phone/wtv he will take it and hold it above his head and only give it back when you give him attention and affection (sounds like a good trade tbh)
When he hugs you it looks like a big-overgrown baby hugging its stuffed animal HA
Lmao when you cant reach smth he just picks you up under your arms and lets you grab it yourself 😭
Just kinda like- flooooooaaaaaaat up 😭🙏
okay back to the stuff animal thing- when yall snuggle n cuddle that’s how it is 😭 just sorta, traps you 😭
Or he just plops on top of you. No matter the position, you will be trapped
Temple kisser!!!! :3
RIN ITOSHI
Doesn’t pay much attention to your height, he don’t gaf
— Is the mindset he had until you couldn’t find your shoes and just borrowed Rins.
But Rins feet and humongous
and your feet as small af
so you just looked like a clown LMAO
’Y/n have you seen my—‘
He actually laughed, it was an ugly wheeze, which lasted about 5 seconds before asked you ‘wtf are you doing’
He realized just how freaking smaller than him you were!!
He thought it was so cuuuuuteee (not that he’d ever admit that smh)
now feels the need to protect you from the dangers of the world LMAO (omega verse type shit 🗣️)
when Rins feeling pissy he’ll put all— ALL of your things in places you can’t reach
for two reasons:
1. He’s petty
2. You’ll have to ask for him help
A perfect plan tbh
which crumbles when you screech over the chair just to get your pants
*cue glaring rin*
SHIDOU RYUSEI
is the biggest shit out of all of these hoes
Like bro checks ALL OF THE BOXES
1) Puts stuff in top shelf. 2) Teases you RELENTLESSLY. 3) Tackles you onto the bed with his body. 4) will go ham on anyone who teases you
shidou 🤤
Alwqys offers to give you piggy-back rides!
even if you don’t want it he’s like, already crouched down signaling his hands like ‘hurry up—get on’
Like he will just *pick* you up 😭 when the feels like it
Going to the store? Might as well take Y/N on his back! Standing in line? Y/N on his shoulders! Walking around the house? Y/N is already thrown over his shoulder! The list goes on you could imagine
Thinks you’re so cute being smaller than him
And When you try to show him how ‘not cute you are’ he just smiles and pinches your cheeks like ‘aweeeee! Sure ya aren’t!’
He loves, loves, loves, LOVES, when you have to get on your tippy toes to kiss him
HES JUST LIKE ‘🤭+😏+😈’
’You struggling there sweets?’ ;} like YES. Now nvm😒
then picks you up and forces you to wrap you legs around him and give him that kiss he deserves 😌
ALSO HE LOVES SPINNING YOU AROUND RAAAAAAAA
not proofread, rushed af, I’m tired BUT I WAS HAPPY I GOT AN ASK SO WE PUSH THROUGH!! 🥹 thanks for reading!!!!
made December 19th 2024
#merlucide’s works#bllk#blue lock#bllk x reader#blue lock x reader#blue lock x you#isagi yoichi#isagi x reader#isagi x you#isagi x y/n#isagi fluff#bllk isagi#nagi seishiro#nagi x reader#seishiro nagi#itoshi rin#Nagi x you#nagi fluff#bllk x you#rin itoshi x reader#rin itoshi x you#rin itoshi x y/n#rin itoshi fluff#Shidou#shidou ryusei#bllk shidou#shidou x reader#blue lock shidou#shidou x you#shidou ryuusei x reader
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Tired and sick, may I get some Once upon a withlight headcanons to ease my weary soul?
aaa hope you feel better soon snuggles 🫶
this is one I actually have to put a little brain power into bc I actually haven’t thought super hard about this
- I think kremy and Gideon never verbally apologize to each other after a fight, both of them are way too prideful and awkward for that. Kremy I think would take it like a mom who cuts up fruit for you instead of apologizing. He doesn’t explicitly acknowledge that anything happened or is wrong but Gideon will be moping in the corner and kremy will be like “I made dinner, are you gonna come eat with me or what?” and instantly all is resolved. On Gideon’s part, I think it’s a combo of big sad puppy eyes and acts of service, just constantly going out of his way to do things for kremy to try to make up for it. I think gid does that a lot just anyways but he goes especially hard on it when he’s trying to apologize after a fight
- also coalecroux focused, these guys are so weird about physical affection. it’s either they are extremely awkward and strange about it or they are literally inside each others skin, no in between. Like I think with these two having been together for as long as they have, they have very naturally gotten super used to constantly hanging on to each other and having their arms wrapped around each other like second nature, neither of them even really realize they do it, but the SECOND anyone comments on it or causes them to think about it for even a second, they are instantly ten feet apart from each other and all awkward and sputtery about it. freaks, I hate them (affectionate)
- Frost is the kind of person who will appear to be completely doing his own thing and not paying attention at all when other people are talking but he is actually extremely engaged in the conversation, he just doesn’t feel the need to hold eye contact or stop doing what he’s doing (which is probably like reading a book or something similar which would appear to hold all his attention). Gricko is the most used to this and entirely unfazed by it but it takes most others a little while to understand it
- Gideon and Twig scheme about pranks to pull on frost together. Either that or just ganging up to make fun of him (affectionate) in general
- Twig tries to help show torbek how to clean and take care of his fur a little more. He’s not particularly good at it on his own but he’s trying and he appreciates it immensely
- frost. Kitty tendencies. he tries like really really hard not to show most of his cat qualities very often bc he does not want to draw attention to them but he has found himself making biscuits around people without realizing more than once
- Hootsie with each of the different krew members I think are all very fun dynamics. Frost is father #2 to her and will usually be the one taking care of her if gricko cannot as he is generally the most responsible and capable when it comes to taking care of her, though he will definitely sneak her more rat snacks than she’s supposed to have. Kremy is like the rich gay aunt who will absolutely spoil her rotten if given the opportunity. He never means to but he can never resist doing so. He will go full Karen mode to give her the world. I imagine hootsie in Gideon’s care like one of those movies where the plot revolves around a babysitter and the kid their watching going on a big wacky adventure and needing to get home before the parents do, and no matter zany the hijinks, they will always get back home and act like absolutely nothing happened when the parents do get home. He is one of hootsie’s favorite to play and cuddle with but he should probably not be solely responsible for her for extended periods of time. Torbek and hootsie are like bffs and also are great cuddle buddies but similarly he should never be left solely responsible for her it would not go well.
#axel’s silly little thoughts#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#not very many but <3#I like thinking abt these guys doing domestic life and being at peace#I need them to be happy.#maybe one of these days I’ll be able to put the words to how good coalecroux’s dynamic of slowburn and mutual pining is#they genuinely drive me so insane#I’m not usually super into this general kind of trope but their dynamic is so unique and well executed that I am absolutely ill about them
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There are two major things that are ripping me up about Kaladin leaving to become a herald.
And I don’t mean how it was predicable.
The first is the general lack of knowledge of what happened to him. Szeth doesn’t even know. His parents will never know how they lost their son again. Orodin will never know why his big brother he just met disappeared. What’s left of bridge 4 will think their Captain finally was beaten. No one knows he’s not actually dead. His body died and was all that was left behind as a clue. It looks like he *failed* almost. Kaladin has had a way of inspiring people to believe in the impossible since he was in his mid to late teens. And now when everything in their world has fallen, this almost divine figure has a well. He was such a symbol to hope to so many people only for him to seemingly die without anyone even awake to witness.
This is less sad to his character and more so for the population of human free from Retribution
Second, and worst of all in my opinion, is the people he left beind.
In this I’m not actually talking about Bridge 4 or his family who he did get closure with in some way. Specifically I’m thinking of Szeth, Adolin, and Shallan. He was what? Szeth’s first actual friend? For like 8 days? And Szeth buried his corpse. Adolin and Shallan refused to say goodbye. They haven’t out grown him in the same way others had. They saw him as he was, vulnerable, when others didn’t.
I’m not saying that it’s impossible for them to have that drink together, but unless Kal figures out how to do freaky shit in the cognitive realm or someone yanks the heralds back to roshar before their ready, it seems really unlikely. Ishar said that time passes significantly faster on roshar than where they are. Kaladin said the heralds have time to heal. He just…. Doesn’t seem to be planning on coming back in time for Adolin or Shallan to still be alive. He won’t get to be the friend to Adolin that Adolin was to him. He won’t get to joke and commiserate with Shallan with no weird feelings between them. He doesn’t get to be proud of them for what they’ve done while they were separated. And they know nothing but that this time. This one final time. He didn’t come back.
That hurts me.
That isn’t to say however that I think it was out of character or easy for Kaladin to leave. One crucial thing about his character that has always been true is this: Kaladin cannot, and will not walk away from someone in front of him that needs help. That moment and that need takes president over all else. He just has decided he’s going to deal with the consequences of his choice. No matter how steep. Being there for the people that had literally no one else: szeth, the heralds, Syl and every single spren was worth the loss. He chose it and he’s going to see it through.
On a side note I can totally see why people thought the therapy talk was a little hit over the head and clunky. I would have like to see him fumble his words more. Which maybe says something about me bc he fumbled a lot. But honestly I’m just impressed at him for pushing himself to talk so much. I mean can you image the grunting guy in WoR talking half as much as he does in WaT?
I think the message was prioritized more for setting him up as a herald than it was meant to feel super natural. Which is unfortunate but I don’t personally care that much. -_(o_o)_-
#I’m still grieving him like he’s dead#I don’t know it it’ll ever be the same#wind and truth spoilers#kaladin stormblessed#the stormlight archive#wat spoilers#wind and truth
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Jayvik love tickle rambles bc im going insane. Expect nothing coherent.
So. Uhm. Ugh idk where to even start. @home-of-the-squirmle my novel (i actually held myself back didnt wanna make this too long)
Imo Jayce & Viktor both love tickling. Doesn’t matter how, they just do. Lovely way to destress, bond, past time, have fun, distract, exhaust, etc. It makes them both feel loved, in different ways.
Jayce… Jayce loves having fun. He loves laughing, being able to let go, not have to worry about anything else but laugh, laugh and laugh. He always feels better after getting tickled silly- feels lighter, refreshed, some tension has left his neck (fun fact, laughing hard does actually relieve tension in your head and neck!), and just generally feels nicer. Not to mention… He gets to have Viktor’s attention. Viktor smirks when he sees Jayce behaving a certain way. The way he fidgets and stares at Viktor’s hands, stammering when he sees Viktor fidget with a certain device, or manipulate a tool. Viktor loves just making it draw out… Until he can either pounce Jayce in surprise, or bluntly ask Jayce, and watch him turn a darker colour, stammering and stuttering. Until Viktor starts happily tickling Jayce, subtle heart eyes as his heart melts, watching Jayce giggle and squirm as least as possible (he swears its to avoid hurting Viktor).
It makes Viktor happy, to see Jayce lose it a little. To be carefree and free of all anxiety and stress, knowing it’s a lot for him, the pressure of the council, making sure the Hexgates are properly functioning, making future plans, etc etc. Plus, he knows Jayce loves to have fun, loves to play, be happy. And it feels nice, to get to play with Jayce… Albeit it’s a little childish, but that’s okay. Because it’s so… Jayce. And anything Jayce loves, Viktor’s happy to indulge in (just don’t tell Jayce that). So what’s a little tickle, to make his partner feels better, hm?
Viktor. Viktor… Well, Viktor’s used to people avoiding touching him, yea? Or if people did touch him, it was because he “clearly” needed help. (Speaking from experience, people tend to avoid touching you, like you weren’t human…). Plus, it’s not like the Undercity provided the most comforting and safe area. Most kids wouldn’t play with him, so how is he to experience something so… Childish? Not that Viktor minds, of course. He loves being silly, when he can allow himself to be (“Time… to crank it!”). It’s just that, being assistant to the dean of the academy, to then being a scientist, it hasn’t exactly given Viktor many chances to be around anyone. That’s not even bringing up on him being from the Undercity, and people’s obvious distaste towards his people. Jayce has certainly charmed Viktor in his… Methods, though. His loving touch and stare as he tickles Viktor’s knees, his torso, his neck, his feet, with nothing but devotion and love. It makes something ache in Viktor’s heart, something deep and powerful. Makes him feel loved and appreciated- for simply existing. Not to mention, the feeling it brings him to be under such an attentive and teasing gaze & words.
To feel Jayce’s love for him, through ticklish touches and laughter, to understand he can be comfortable in his own skin. And just to have fun! To play with Jayce, to let go of all their scientific problems and responsibilities. Just focus on laughing, throwing his head back and let all the stress melt off his body. Let his chest burst, knowing Jayce wants to see him laugh, his smile… How flustering, yet flattering is that? To be tickled like everyone else does, to get to play and have fun, because Jayce wants him to. And Viktor is more than willing to get to have that…
Expect more rambles i guessss?
#uhhhh idk kinda got lost in the jayvik sauce on thwt one sorry guys#arcane tickling#arcane tickle#ghost talk#looks around#rocks on my heels. hi guys#and uhh yea im disabled. viktor is me /j#tickle talk#fandom tickle
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most of us have heard of the red car game. you’re on a road trip, you’re bored, you start looking for red cars to do something.
and then they’re everywhere. you notice them nearly every few minutes.
there aren’t suddenly more red cars now, of course. you were seeing them already, but you weren’t noticing. you weren’t looking.
I am noticing things.
there is a plant I notice everywhere now, a small bushy plant in suburbs, along streets, by shops on the highways. dwarf umbrella bush is what the internet tells me when I look for it’s name. I did this because I wanted to know why,
every time I ever saw it, every place,
it was always dying. always the leaves turning yellow, the branches small and scraggly. inside out - nitrogen deficiency. their soil drained.
I am noticing how many of these landscaping plants are yellowing, how small and sickly they look in just a few years. I am noticing how often the grass outside the house is replaced when it once again turns brown and dry, how the type never changes and the cycle starts again. I am noticing how the unmowed, unkempt spaces on lakesides and roadsides look more alive than this. how the preserve I grew up next to was miles of “messy” unmanicured nature and the ground was covered in leaves instead of grass and there was life.
I am noticing the birds that come by the lake. there was a flash of blue wings and red chest - eastern bluebird, male, relatively common. I had never seen one before. there is a family of ducks that appear every spring; i cannot say if it’s successive generations or different ducks, but I can always look forward to ducklings. there are little brown birds with white heads whose names I do not know - are they some kind of piper? why don’t I already know?
why is it so hard to learn about my native plants (accurately, that is)? why are so many gardening sites littered with people who think a plants value is based on how pretty or useful it is to them, who think a tree shedding leaves is “messy”?
why is knowing about the world we live in so… odd? why is it a hobby and not vital knowledge? I learned about polar equations. I taught myself about mycorrhizal networks and species of insects.
(did you know there are shiny green bees? a special species of wasp pollinating figs? that white flowers bloom at night for moths? do you know? have you looked?)
I cannot look at a lawn and see life anymore. it is a wasteland, devoid of life, dying slowly itself. everywhere is grass, grass, doused in water that runs over into storm drains, soaked in fertilizer and pesticides and a hundred other poisons and sending one clear message:
this is a place of death. life is not welcome here.
I do not think I could live in a city. too loud, yes, too busy, yes, too many people, yes, but the plants would bother me. a tree allotted only a convenient square, surrounded by dead stone and metal.
a forest cleared for this, for burning asphalt streets and racing cars and shops whose bathrooms are “for paying customers only”.
this is a place of death. life is not welcome here.
and now I am noticing.
#it speaks#idk man this is stream of consciousness and it’s midnight lol#I’m having thoughts about plants and people and how much I hate lawns#anti lawn#firmly believe that nature knowledge should be taught in school#yeah there’s biology but biology won’t teach you what plants are edible or deadly#or what birds live/migrate in your area and what they depend on#they teach civics bc even if you’re not politically active you should know how the government works#if you live in a world you should know how it works#bc even if it feels like it doesn’t matter. it does. it will. and if you notice it now you can do something about it
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please say more about jilypad + diverging parenting styles... perhaps even a possible scenario >:) i imagine harry has very cunning tactics for using this to his advantage
helloooooo <3 thank u for this ask bc i love talking about these three and harry. i went looking thru the archives to find this post; my first foray into this side, and really, i’ve never looked back after that.
so i’ve talked ab this a bit before but i fully think that james was a very overprotective ‘mother hen’ type parent. i tend to read his behaviour in lily’s bday letter to sirius as being scared of his child on a broomstick and i fully, fully think he’ll never be able to let go of that as harry grows up. he’ll be anxious and suspicious and paranoid, and his first instant will always be to wrap harry up in cotton wool and hide him away. (i low-key connect this to his childhood as well; going from being spoiled and sheltered to dropped in the middle of a war, black & white thinking, living in extremes etc etc makes it v hard for him to be Normal about his child. as he shouldn’t be, really, but yeah) that’s why he thrives during the initial years; he never minds the hard parts of being a new parent, loves it in fact, and it makes it better that he can keep harry close to him at all times w/o coming off as a helicopter parent (not that the notion bothers him ofc).
it’s good, then, that he has two partners to even the scales, no? i think lily was the most…balanced out of the three. she had a relatively normal childhood, grew up in a working class family/neighbourhood and had to deal w adversity from a young age so she’s developed a nice, thick skin. she also has a sibling with whom she has a v rocky relationship so she knows that kids are, ykno, a bit unhinged. and a little bit of hardship is not a problem. i hc her as needing time to get used to parenthood, unlike james who stepped into it natural as breathing, or even sirius who loved harry on much on first sight that it made up for everything else. ofc lily loved her son, but it didn’t come w the same blinding intensity of her partners and made her feel really shitty in the beginning. but, i think she’d shine during his teen years actually, because she’s not overbearing or intense and becomes the quiet, calm strength that a hormonal, spotty teen boy would probably need.
and sirius <3 our poor baby falls in love with harry, perhaps even more quickly than james, with such startling speed that it shakes his entire foundation. he doesn’t regret it but he’s constantly discombobulated. i also imagine that…it takes him longer to settle into the role of parent, esp bc he’s not biologically one ykno? not like it matters to anyone, ofc, but it takes him a long time to truly accept his authority and place, to believe that he has just as much right as j&l to be there, to parent harry. this has the consequence of him always being more indulgent than the other two; after all, he considered himself a godfather before a parent and a lot of that thinking stayed. he lets harry get away with stuff the others might not (and the little mf figures this out later); some of it also comes from sirius seeing so much shit, and facing so much shit himself, that he rationalises a lot of stuff as ‘well, this isn’t the worst it can be, so what’s the harm’ (because his life has been such a roller coaster that he’s forgotten that not everyone’s like that, if that makes sense?)
its obviously not this clear cut but i imagine harry looks at it like this: if he needs unconditional love, he goes to james; rationality and logic, lily; acceptance and calm, sirius. when someone has to be beat up for hurting harry, james steps in. if he needs help burying a body, it’s sirius. dealing with some asshole boss/teacher/classmate’s mother who’s making harry’s life hell? lily. i can keep going but,,,u get the idea, right? this makes sense, i hope lol
i actually think harry’s first birthday is a great example. sirius pushes the boundaries by gifting lil harry a broom; james loses his mind running after him; lily places an industrial sticking charm on harry’s butt, leans back with a glass of wine, and enjoys the show. even as he grows up, lily and james act as the disciplinarian, and sirius is the emotional outlet. all of them fill in each other’s cracks so well, and it’s only when harry grows up that he realises how effortlessly they worked off each other to parent him.
also oh man o man. harry being cunning is,,,,,see, i’ve not considered it this far but it makes perfect sense. i think canon harry actually had so much manipulative energy and it’s often overlooked for his goofier traits but! this is the same dude who used his dead parents to trick slughorn into revealing sensitive info! imagine if that could be channelled into his jilypad interactions 😈
it’s like, it takes him a bit, because his three parents r so smooth, but once he realises that all of them have certain weak spots, he does NOT hesitate to exploit them. (it has the unintended consequence of truly strengthening the jilypad relationship into an unbreakable one bc one thing their kid taught them is to have ironclad communication going at all times so nothing they’ve said, or not said, is used against them). so like, he knows if he wants to sneak out to a party, it has to be sirius and in a specific way—‘i’ll be totally safe, papa, plus i really wanna see what it’s like and idk when it’ll get a chance to again’. if he widens his eyes to pitiful levels, pouts a little, and blinks faster than usual, then james is putty in his arms as long as he’s separated from the other two. divide and conquer becomes the main tool in harry’s arsenal, actually. lily’s the toughest nut to crack, purely bc she doesn’t run on emotions or irreverence, but harry soon learns that if he comes up with a solid, logical case that proves his argument has unbiased merit then he has a good chance of getting her to say yes. (this is good, bc u can arrange words in the correct order, but u can’t always control emotions)
so overall yeah, you’d think one kid + 3 parents would be an easy bet, but harry keeps them on their toes all the fkn time.
#sirius black#james potter#lily evans#jilypad#harry potter#i knew before i even started this that it would be ridiculously long lmao#i just cannot bring myself to shut up#wrt lily and harry’s baby years#i feel v v strongly ab motherhood not coming naturally to her#and becoming a very sore point for her. bc she sees james and sirius and she keeps blaming herself for being an unfeeling robot#when she’s not. she just thinks more logically than them and doesn’t feel as strongly. that doesn’t make her a bad mother#and no matter what j & s say a small part of always thinks like that. until the teen years. and suddenly the dynamics r reversed#bruh i think i need help it’s not even funny how not hinged i am for this trio lmao#there also! padfoot!#a while ago i wrote a lil thing. but i fully believe that whenever harry was emotionally distraught he’d actually go to padfoot#bc he needed someone to just. sit. and be there. while he’s processed emotions#and lily would be too ruthlessly logical and james would be fretting and trying to fix it and sirius would panic. just a little.#but padfoot is a warm comforting weight agains this side and he just lets him be. it’s grounding.#so harry always. without fail. does that#it’s actually 3.5 parents lmao#i do wonder what their parenting fights would about if any. hmmmm. my glasses are too rose tinted for me to consider it#a thought for another day#anyway. hope this endless rambling made sense! and that u liked it!#would love to hear ur thoughts too <3#pen’s notes#pen’s asks
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god i cannot wait to be off these steroids…
#marzi speaks#marzivents#<- it’s late n i’m kinda pent up abt this#i’m so TIRED of themmmm#i’m probs gonna be on them for the rest of the year. which SUCKSSS#i don’t like how many ppl comment on the moon face#i don’t mind it. like i look in a mirror and i’m okay.#it’s a little weird. but like. just because it’s different. like getting used to a new haircut#but every time i see someone for the first time in a bit it’s ‘woah your face got rounder’#and i have to go ‘oh yeah it’s water retention- steroids thing it’ll go away when i’m able to go off ‘em’#and they go ‘oh alright :) you still look good btw don’t worry’#and i just. i HATE how people talk about it!! like jfc. it’s so clear that they think it’s like kinda sad#my dad said he thinks it’s cute and he’s the only one i actually think is telling the truth there#my mom and i agree that it doesn’t matter. but even then she tries to tell me not to panic#like a little extra squish in my face is something to panic over#it’s so clear that so many people see it as another thing to pity#oh poor thing. has that chronic illness for the rest of her life. and the steroids made her jaw look rounder :(#like jfc i knew fatphobia was prevalent but come the fuck on. literally i’m like barely retaining water for steroids too#like. i’m still very much skinny (i JUST finished being malnourished ffs) but bc i’m retaining water in my face#now ppl feel the need to comfort me. over this tiny cosmetic thing that does not matter#like. i wouldn’t feel weird abt it if it weren’t for everyone else making it such a THING. why is everyone so weird about it#i’m not insecure about it but when ppl try to comfort me or go ‘it’s not that bad’ it makes me feel like i’m SUPPOSED to be insecure abt it#and it drives me NUTS. bc there are things about being on steroids that i would love to be comforted about#but the water retention is not one of them. i couldn’t give a rat’s ass about the water retention#y’know what i’d like to be comforted over? the mood swings. the irritability. the insomnia. the appetite fluctuation#the slow healing of skin. thinning and dryness in the skin. having to take like 3 other medications alongside the steroid#bc taking the steroid causes side effects that need to be medically treated or prevented#even outside of the steroid! i’d like some comfort about having to build back my stamina from scratch#i’d like some comfort about having the worst balance i’ve had in years#there’s. more to this. but i’m out of tags. maybe i’ll make some replies idk. i’m just. UGH
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random but is anyone else into yosurise but in a doomed kind of way. like kind of one sided. like a yosuke is into rise in a puppydog kind of way and rise keeps trying to find a relationship but can’t and finally decides to give yosuke a try because at least he’s a friend and she knows he won’t try to take advantage of her being an idol etc. And yosuke is ECSTATIC and wants to give her the world but in an unsustainable kind of way, a desperate “i don’t deserve her but she’s giving me a chance and i need to do anything i can to keep her happy” kind of way. And rise is so flattered and like yosuke is nice but she can’t match that dedication, no one can or should, but it’s all so one sided and she feels so guilty about that but she doesn’t want to break his heart or be “mean”. all while yosuke is becoming almost self destructive by trying to give her “what she deserves” but it’s an unhealthy level of dedication and it’s honestly hurting both of them
#rambles#p4#not tagging this w the ship lol#before anyone even tries anything neither of them are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ in this scenario#just a case of two people who aren’t compatible w each other making a relationship unhealthy#like yosuke lacking in self confidence and thinking he isn’t good enough#and rise trying to be into yosuke as much as he’s into her but you can’t force that!#and also it can be soooo uncomfortable when someone is way more into you than you are into them#in this scenario she doesn’t break up w him bc I mean he’s being so nice. so she’s wondering what’s ‘wrong’ w her#that she doesn’t feel the same way back and can’t force herself to develop those feelings…#btw bc i hate myself this would probably come after rise can’t get over souji no matter what she does or who else she tries to date#she’s a pretty girl so I imagine she would just keep encountering douchebags#and so she decides to give it a try w yosuke bc he’s seen the Real her and still likes her right??#meanwhile because it’s me ofc it’s because souji has feelings for yosuke but can’t bear the thought of ruining their friendship#and so instead he sits off to the side watching his friends drag each other down in a relationship that’s bad for both of them#THIS IS SO MUCH SORRY ITS SLOW AT WORK
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might be tmi/dark, but kinda have come to the realisation that a lot of my problems, and why i’m like this™️, is because i genuinely thought i’d be dead before now. either bc i have been dealing with major chronic depression, since i was a kid, and the fucked up ideations that come with that. or from having severe medical issues in my early twenties. basically, i just thought i was gonna die, and i’m not and it’s weird to deal with
#being 25 and not having your life be the way you want is one thing#but also dealing with the fact that you thought you’d be dead before you were 18 is something else entirely#bc it’s just like ‘now what?’#and it’s not like i don’t still suffer from depression#like i literally have a depressive disorder#and so every time i get through one and i’m still alive it’s kinda wild all over again#bc i genuinely don’t really know how to live? i don’t know how to exist?#and i keep having to relearn every couple months#and it’s a weird way of going through life#also i became disabled a few years back and i had to not only adjust to being alive#but being alive in a completely different body#one that doesn’t work the way it used to and having my whole life changed#and it completely fucked me up#and continues to fuck me up like fucking every day#so again just ‘now what?’#and this year has been hard for me#and i don’t know how to react to the new year bc i don’t know what it‘ll bring#and i wanna be positive but i can’t help being anxious#even if it’s good it feels bad#if that makes sense?#idk i have a weird brain we know this#i also somewhat have a fear of death despite it all which let me tell you does NOT help matters#but yeah sorry for all the weird talk#now back to your regularly scheduled gwen#(i disappear or i post weird shit and no one knows which it’s gonna be)
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#sry I need to vent more abt my tattoo pain bc I physically cannot do anything productive rn im completely and totally incapacitated#can’t read anything beyond short posts or texts. can’t eat or move at all#tried to sleep through it so it would at least Be Tomorrow so I can get medical help. but the jolts of pain make me like Jump#hence me being sent home from work early today like it’s not even that I was complaining I was just flinching involuntarily so much#and was unable to work or function at all. thank god I don’t work retail rn I remember the pain of tattoo infections in that context#it’s so Abrupt it feels like I’m being stabbed or repeatedly bitten#literally trying not to scream bc I have a roommate. but he almost certainly hears me crying and saying ouch#which sucks bc I barely know the guy lol he has no context. At least on my drive home I could scream as much as I needed#literally would go to the ER if I could afford it and that sounds so dramatic bc it is#it doesn’t feel like it can wait. genuinely don’t know how I’m gonna get through the night#I haven’t slept in like 60 hours and I doubt I will tonight. but it hurts too much to even tell if I’m tired#and I don’t have time for this!! I have so much I need to be doing. I hate that the only way I can have Time is to be Extra Disabled#in a way that leaves me completely unable to do the things I normally can fight through despite burnout#and I was just at health services yesterday asking them to do insurance paperwork that they couldn’t do#it’s embarrassing having to be like hey I was just there but can I come back#I have Another tattoo infection but I pinky promise I take such good care of them#and my artist is like the best of the best too. it’s like it doesn’t matter what either of us does to keep me safe#and I know if anyone responds to this it will be to tell me to stop getting tattoos#but that’s literally like telling me not to get top surgery if I’m immunocompromised n might have recovery complications#both are equally important gender affirming medical procedures to me I’m not joking#and I hate always having to justify this whilst in agonizing pain. I hate answering the same things every time bc still no one believes me#I say this as someone who lives every moment in baseline pain that would have your average person writhing on the floor and I ignore it#this is truly unbearable if I hadn’t been through it a million times I would think it was life threatening#just needed to get it out ig. bc it’s all I can physically do. until health services opens in 12 hours#PLEASE let them have availability tomorrow bc i have literally no option on weekends#this is just. so upsetting and embarrassing. I don’t have time or emotional capacity for this#personal#mine#vent post
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WHEN will people realize
what a character says =/= what the overall narrative says
#this is what happens when I look through the tag ig#anyway. just bc BRUCE reduces Damian’s relationships from Lazarus Island and Damian himself to revolving around killing DOES NOT MEAN we the#readers are supposed to agree with him#WE KNOW that isn’t true. it’s meant to highlight a disconnect between Bruce and Damian. Bruce not fully understanding his son. the obstacles#in their relationship. having a parent who doesn’t really /get/ you#Damian and Bruce have a fraught relationship and Bruce having this attitude- no matter how much he loves Damian- contributes to that#characters calling Damian a killer/murderer isn’t meant to tell US he’s a killer it’s meant to show how difficult it is for Damian to feel#like he belongs (even with his own family) and how little the people around him ACTUALLY understand him#WE know he’s not a killer and has a good heart. the people closest to him know too. others don’t. that’s hard on him!#that affects his relationships with others that affects his view of HIMSELF#having a character reduce Damian to being good killing let’s us feel some of his frustration.#it doesn’t ACTUALLY reduce him to being a violent murderer#å
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#plagued by thoughts and emotions.#man lmao I’ve bitched out So many times this week from reaching out to people. idk. it’s been so long that I just feel like I’m#not important enough to justify it. & I did manage a bit w one person but also ended up#retreating there too bc I just got the sense I made it awkward somehow#so yknow. really great stuff on my end hdjfk#idk idk I’m starved for meaningful social interaction I’m starved for literally anyone taking interest in me atp#it’s such a roller coaster I hype myself up > doesn’t work out > crash hard & I don’t like it. it’s exhausting! it’s really fucking sad too#I’m so tired of my own company & talking to myself all the time. I’ve heard everything I have to say already there’s only so much I can do#I don’t even know what else to say lmao I feel like I don’t really exist anymore outside of my own head#I feel like I can’t get anyone to just djjfjf care about anything I have to say no matter what?#I’m not enough my art isn’t enough whatever it was a few years ago isn’t there anymore.#and I want it to be genuine I don’t want it to be out of pity bc all that does is honestly get my hopes up a bit but it can’t/wont last#I say that for everyone’s benefit too like djjfjf I don’t want to be annoying any more than other people want to be annoyed#anyway I’m going to try to shake this off a bit bc I can’t do anything right now#and I’m not even sure I’d be in the right headspace to have a conversation without decompressing first
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BEVERLY TOEGOLD V IS SO TRAGIC-
#is that a liveblog i see?#beverly toegold v#he’s so tragic actually-#like im not saying he’s the only tragic char#but he is SO tragic actually#like sometimes im sitting here like: oh my god this is a fucking teenager#this is a child. he’s so fucking small#(quite literally as well bc he’s a halfling. heh)#like ok yeah he’s fuckinnn 16 or whatever#not a tiny 7 yr old or anything#and i think it'd be a bit unfair to like. apply his child-ness to the entire campaign be then it’s kinda toooooo fucked up a bit know?#but like sometimes it just. it is just jumping out at me#and he is So tragic in that way#on top of everything#he’s just. he’s trying SO goddamn hard to Be this person and like! he shouldn’t! he shouldn’t have to!#and it’s like: i’m so fucking proud of you for being that but the fact that you have to be—or even *feel* like you have to be#i mean. really none of them should have to theyre all so young but at least moonshine and hardwon r like in their twenties at least yknow?#but anyways. it many ways it doesn’t matter bc he is played by adult caldwell tanner and on the whole treated mostly not like an adolescent#but also it Does matter to me bc I Said So Personally (:#thanks for understanding <3
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being 24 will have you saying things like “maybe i was right when i was 16” about things that mean almost nothing now that ur an adult
#it speaks#not going 2 say what it is bc i don’t want anyone who also experiences it to feel like i’m saying it doesn’t matter lol#bc it does and can even as an adult it just. doesn’t actually affect my life That Much#i have other things to worry abt lol
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J/egulus’s dynamic is very funny for me if they both just hate each other, and for the exact same reason: they both despise that Sirius loves this other person so much. Sirius loves his little brother, and James hates that Regulus can hurt Sirius so easily, and that Regulus has the audacity to think that Sirius doesn’t adore him; James knows what path Regulus is headed on but so does Sirius, and it hurts James to watch Sirius get his heart broken as time goes on and Regulus gets in deeper and deeper with the Death Eaters. Regulus hates James for taking his brother away and making Sirius quit loving him, Sirius would’ve gone to Slytherin if not for him and Sirius would still be at home. It’s very interesting to me if James and Regulus utterly despise each other, and the root of this is Sirius and their contradicting views of who Sirius is
no but i think about this way too often for someone who doesn’t rly give a shit about reg and is mostly indifferent or annoyed by him. i’m so much more interested by james and regulus’ dynamic the way you described—there’s a lot of potential for angst, as well as a toxic relationship sort of a deal, ykno?
i do wonder how they navigate it. tbh. because i’m me, i think james’ reasons are much more valid (logically/morally speaking) but ofc, from an emotional standpoint, u can’t negate reg either. and that’s tough, right, because both of them firmly believe they’re in the right. james has the added complication of having to navigate complicated blood-familial ties whereas reg has to come to terms with the fact that chosen family is just as (if not more) important for sirius and he has to both acknowledge and accept them before doing anything else.
sirius is just so—central to both of their lives and identities? and the way they perceive him is so different that they might never reconcile it, ykno? and idk, i feel like in a canon universe, they might just go their whole lives being quietly disdainful but tolerant of each others presence, only so they do not hurt sirius. and i’m sure that peace is hard won—there would’ve been times when they came to blows (or wands?) and both of them had to be on the other of an angry/disappointed sirius and they realised, quick, that they’d rather shut up and deal with it than go through that again.
of course, the only time they manage to put their dislike away is when someone/thing is threatening sirius and they realise he’s more important than their feelings. but that’s a given.
#james potter#sirius black#regulus black#i think that last point—we’ve talked about it before yeah?#i’m pretty sure i got an ask like that#around the black family speculations time#it’s just—fascinating how sirius evokes these kind of protective intense feelings from both r and j#but on completely different ends of the spectrum#james comes from a protector angle—he wants to keep sirius shielded from undesirable hurtful elements#whereas reg is more selfish—bc this is his big brother and he’s the protected and he wants that again#and he probably doesn’t realise. for a long time. that the real enemy is their parents and family not sirius#(and i can see like. maybe. an older reg who’s gone thru shit and had to grow up realising this#and maybe even thanking james/apologising to him in a very stilted sort of a way#for looking out for sirius)#but that’s a bit far fetched and depends on ur conception of reg i think#also interesting to think about is where sirius falls in the middle of this dynamic#is he aware? does he turn a blind eye? does he threaten both of them? is he secretly touched?#personally i think he doesn’t realise the extent of animosity#and considers the matter closed once he confronts both of them#and i don’t think he ever quite realise the depth of devotion he inspires in both of them#bc that would realise him to have a strong firm hold on his own self worth#which we know is decimated by the conditional love of the blacks#but that’s another tangent lol#pen’s asks
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The other thing that’s happening is I made a doctor’s appointment about my weird gross eczema because I can’t TAKE this anymore
#my betnovate that i am prescribed for my normal eczema does fuck all to it. just irritates and thins the skin#so what it is; i have ‘normal’ eczema which is just.. what you expect eczema to be. flaky red skin#the weird gross eczema is dyshidrotic eczema and steroid cream doesn’t help it AT ALL#and it’s SO itchy no matter what i do. i’m on prescription antihistamines and i also use eurax on it#but the bumps are so itchy and they’re all down my right middle finger#so what tends to happen is if i write too much or cook or knit or basically do anything with my hand; the friction eventually makes#the bumps BURST which is DISGUSTING AND GROSS AND BAD#i just end up with an open wound all down my finger basically#i put sudocrem and a bandage on my finger until it repairs itself and then the skin is fine for like 2 days and then the cycle begins anew#so it’s like. whenever i have a wound or bumps i can’t write; cook or knit#which is like. one thing i physically need to do in order to stay alive and 2 things i need to do in order to stay sane#i’ve cancelled commissions bc i can’t knit for people lol so it has actually made me miss out on (admittedly only a little) income#i can crochet and i can type. and i can eat fine. and i can cook if i don’t use utensils apart from like a spatula to take stuff#out of the oven. that’s the situation right now#so i’m going to the doctor but i’m SO worried they won’t take me seriously#i’m also worried the bumps will have burst by then and they won’t be able to tell what’s actually there#this whole thing is so gross and tmi i’m so sorry#i think i’m going to have to take a picture so i have something to show them in case there is an open wound on my finger on that day#you can’t even really SEE it though because the bumps are just the colour of my skin. you have to kind of feel it#it’s GROSS#personal
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