#bc apparently thats the nicer thing to do i guess

[songofsaraneth]

i am FUCKING pissed about the feral cat situation yet again

[quantum1mmortality]

Wiggity wack yo(🍋Crewel x Fem! Reader x Sam🍋)

Real not click bait

OKAY AHHHHH so I was told by my boyfriend that tumblr is gonna think im a bot for a bit I can assure you I'm not so im offering this for peace

Okay uhm now back to the fic LOLO

♧CW!! Fem reader, fem pronouns, fem descriptions for body parts, sex with older sexy men yummy, READER IS NOT YUU!!!, reader is like staff or some shit idk make your own shit up i dont care, penis stuff, what stuff? Idk yet your guess is as good as mine, anal AND vagina sex, at the same time btw, threesome or however you spell it M/M/F, yeah you're getting them both at the same time crazy shit ik, I can take them both, what? In a fight? Who said anything about a fight? We get praised, bc my biggest kink is being loved, I love these two, im used to Ao3 im so sorry for how this is formatted, also I hella ship crewel x sam and they will be together in this fic dont you dare think they won't.

Okay so yeah the CW does have a lot of jokes in it but im nervous bc this is my first fic thats like this but it does have actual warnings btw so please read them

NOT PROOFREAD!!!

Okay now onto the fic. Enjoy, you horny goblin.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~

♧It had been two months since you came to NRC for the first time.

Crowley hired you to be a counselor for the boys in the school. He decided that having a housewarden overbolt every so often wasn't worth the trouble and they needed a shoulder to cry on. And that just so happened to be you.

Crowley had made it apparent he wanted you, telling the agency you worked with that it had something to do with "women being better at comprehending emotion." You didn't mind, the pay was generous and the students were sweet enough to make you want to stay.

You already met most of the students by now, having all the housewardens in every other day just to express their family issues was something you had to deal with. Having the vice housewardens in afterwards wasn't very pleasurable either, but you had to make do. Sometimes Crowley would come in just to see how things were going, he'd say it was to "be generous", he brought you food Sometimes too.

You found yourself getting very close to the married couple of the school, Sam and Crewel. They were very sweet to you, complementing your style when you'd come in, hang out with you during break, Crewel would even bring you snacks from Sam's shop when he had the chance. You would hang out with them a lot, and though you didn't want to admit it, you did find both of them attractive, but you would never hurt their marriage.

Every once in a while, Crewel and Sam invited you over to their house. You'd have drinks, play games, get into really deep conversations about how Crowley sucked, the things friends do.

You didn't want to admit your feelings. You didn't want to admit how you'd slightly blushing when they were being nicer than usual. You didn't want to admit how your heart would beat out of its chest when Crewel would stand behind you, snaking his hands over yours to guide them to teach you how to make a margarita. You didn't want to admit how you'd get so excited when Sam would willingly buy your favorite snacks and have Crewel deliver them to you. It wasn't worth losing two amazing friends over two simple crushes.

You had just gotten done a long day of counseling all the first years, Ace and Deuce to get their counseling together. It was just as hectic as it sounded, taking up almost 4 hours of your time with other students coming and leaving when they realized how long the wait would be. You needed a way to relax and get your mind off this job. Luckily, Crewel came into your office at the end of the day and invited you over for drinks.

This was the perfect stress reliever, hanging out with your two amazing friends and having drinks sounded perfect after a long day. Crewel quickly noticed how tired you were, your disheveled appearance quaking from the little sleep you had. He decided to schedule the meet up for later in the day so you'd get some sleep beforehand. "We don't want you falling asleep on us, now do we?" Crewel gives you a small chuckle and a wink before bidding his goodbye and leaving.

Getting up from your chair with an exhausted sigh, you pack your notes into your bag and leave your office, locking the door behind you. Crowley said to always lock your office when you aren't there, something about the students being nosy and may snoop around. It didn't matter though, it was the end of the school day and the start of the weekend, who would spend their Friday snooping around in a counselors office?

Finally getting to the chamber room and walking through the mirror, you're at the part of campus where all the staff lives. Medium sized houses in a nice circle with Treins house being the biggest and in the middle. Unlocking your front door, you sigh and take off your jacket while laying your keys down on the table next to the door. Going upstairs and into your room, you take your bra and skirt off, climbing into bed after setting an alarm.

Crewel was nice enough to set the meet up back a few hours, scheduling it for 10. Giving you a nice 4 and a half hours to catch up on much needed sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After being asleep for around 4 hours, you awoke to your alarm going off. It was 9:25, giving you 30 minutes to get ready.

Getting out of bed you hop into the shower to get washed up. Using the lovely sugar scrubs you usually do and washing your (H/L) (H/C) hair with a wonderful smelling shampoo and conditioner. Getting out of the shower, blow drying your hair and figuring out what to wear.

You finally decided on a nice (F/C) dress, not too skin tight, but leaving enough to the imagination to make it desirable. Luckily it wasn't out of the ordinary for you to wear something like this, so they wouldn't think anything of it.

It was getting to the time of leaving, so you quickly pack your things and head out. Closing the door behind you, you walk across the empty street and make it to their door. Since they lived in the same house, you would often catch them walking out early in the morning. It was convenient to say the least.

Knocking three times before the door opens with enthusiasm, you're greeted with Crewels smiling face as he greets you. He holds the door open as you walk in, taking your bag and coat off and putting them on the hangers near the door. Sam greets you from the kitchen, beckoning you to come and see him.

When you do, he has a bunch of machinery on the counter. "Sam used to be a barista before he started working here. He stopped a long time ago, but his love for coffee didn't. We decided to invest in some machinery to indulge in his hobby. Expensive, but worth it to see him happy." Crewel says as he walks behind you and gives you a smile.

"I've always loved working with coffee, the pure smell alone is enough to drive a man, me, wild. Come here, I'll show you have to work an expresso machine!" Sam says with a huge smile on his face. Something tells you alcohol isn't being involved tonight, perhaps its for the better.

Walking over to Sam he steps behind you and guides your hands to the different cups and powders to make a shot of expresso. Did Crewel and Sam always have similar ways of teaching? They aren't like this to the other staff..

After making the expresso, Sam grabs some coffee he brewed earlier. Pouring it into a mug and the expresso on top, he starts the foam art. Watching him pour the foam in different directions was almost mesmerizing, and soon enough, you had a little foam kitty! How cute!

Sam had finished his and Crewels coffee and you sat down at the coffee table with them. They were silent, more than usual. Their eyes would dart across the room, occasionally landing on you but quickly shifting focus. It seemed as though they wanted to say something, but couldn't figure out how to put it.

"Is something wrong? You guys are awfully silent tonight, I hope I didn't upset you in anyway-" you trailed off, trying to figure out what was going on.

"No, no! Its not you at all!" They both practically shouted while jumping from their chairs, spilling some coffee in the process. Grabbing some tissues and sitting down, they clean themselves up.

"Look, we've been meaning to ask you something- its just- we don't know how to exactly ask about it." Sam says, Crewel still trying to dab some coffee off of the vest hes wearing.

"We think that, maybe, we can open our marriage, but, just to you. We want to try things with you, see what we like, experiment a little." Crewel adds with flushed cheeks. He must be pretty nervous about this.

Sam takes a nervous sip of his coffee before continuing on what Crewel had just stated. "We trust you. We think that you're the only person that could be fit for this, and we're willing to help you explore that side of you. The 'nastier' side, so I've heard the kids say."

Well that was a lot to take in, a bit too much actually. You had felt your entire face heat up as you realized what they meant. A sort of rush of adrenaline creep in. Was this actually happening? You've wanted it bad since you first met them, but you never thought it would actually happen.

Sam and Crewel looked at you as you completely space out. You could feel the tension in the air, their stares getting impatient as their cheeks formed new colors you'd never seen on them.

"We completely understand if you don't want to do this, we won't force you into anyth-" Crewel chimed in after deciding the silence was too much, but was then swiftly cut off.

"I'll do it. I mean- I want to, that is. I've been wanting to, I just didn't want to make you guys uncomfortable. I mean, you're always so sweet to me, I thought we just had something platonic going on, but I had no clue you guys felt the same." You say while practically being out of breath. Pressing your thighs together as an instinct, Crewel quickly switches his gaze to a lovely house plant as his cheeks heat up more.

"Are you sure you want to do this? We'd never force you into anything, but we do want your full consent." Sam practically sighs out. Crewel is still red, but now is occasionally sparing glances at you.

"Yes, im sure. You may do whatever you please." Chuckling, you say with a smile directed to them. Sam gives you a soft smile while Crewel stands up from his chair.

"I'll get everything situated. Sam, if you want to take her into the bedroom and get her situated, that would be appreciated, I'll be in as soon as I'm done getting everything ready." Crewel says while walking out of the room, giving you both a wink on the way out.

"Alrighty then! Let's get you ready!" Sam yells while taking your hand and leading you to the bedroom. When you walk in, you take in the beautiful scenery. Large king sized bed, beautiful red curtains, their bedroom is huge! "Dont be intimidated, Crowley decided to give us extra space. He says we're his 'little gay friends.' We're not even completely gay! Wiggity wack, yo!"

You were so grateful that Sam knew how to break the silence and make you comfortable you didn't even notice he had left your side to go to one of their personal cabinets. "We had been planning this for awhile, we just didn't want to scare you away is all. Crewel and I had picked up a few sets of lingerie for you. You can try them on while we wait for him to get back! No pressure of course. I just figured you may not have expected something like this to happen and you wanted to change into something more... fitting... for the occasion."

Then, it hit you. You were wearing such normal panties, it hurt! Shame on you, shame on you!

Going to the cabinet, you skimmed through the sets of lingerie. None really caught your eye, until you landed on a lacy white two peice with pearly accents. Sexy, baby!

"Oh, you like that one? Thats Crewels favorite. Hes gonna go batshit crazy if he sees you in that! Personally I dont give a shit what you're wearing, you'll be naked and in my arms by the end of the night so it doesn't matter." He says with a smug look on his face. Was that... a threat? Why was it sexy for him to say if it was? He was leaning with his arms crossed on the cabinet, looking for any sign that you were uncomfortable. They really were putting your needs above theirs.

"Go! Try it on! I wanna see Crewels face when he comes back!" He lightly shooshes you away with a hearty laugh that made your cheeks red. After showing you to the bathroom, he leaves you to the privacy of the semi cold, hard floor room. Getting changed, you heard the door open and Crewel walk in. Sam and him were talking about something you just couldn't hear what. Putting the panties to the lingerie set on, you had realized they untied at the sides. How convenient! Stepping outside, you felt their eyes practically rip you apart.

"Hot diggity dog! I'm so sorry, that sounded so weird oh my god." Sam slaps his face before cupping his eyes in embarrassment. Crewel sent him a death glare before looking back at you with wide eyes and completely red cheeks.

"Uhm.. we should uh.. go over safety precautions. Our safeword is going to be, 'blue', understood?" Crewels voice was shaky and he was clearly avoiding your gaze, but he did sound serious. Shaking your head yes, he continues. "Alright. Remember, any time you get uncomfortable, or you want to stop, or anything, just say the safeword and we'll stop immediately. As for everything else, I got some things for us. Just to make everything a smoother process is all. Lube, vibrators, simply just things to have your body relax. As for protection, both Sam and I can't have kids. In our defense we didn't think something like this would happen."

"In short, you're gonna be fine. We'll make sure you're treated nice and good, don't worry. Crewel and I are, as the kids would say, 'freaks in the sheets', but we'll wait until later dates to actually try those things with you. If you're comfortable, that is." Sam smiles at you. It was comforting to see all the precautions they're taking.

"I'm okay with anything really, I mean, I dont have very much experience but im willing to try things out! It's just, im a bit nervous is all.." Sam looks at you as though he's seen something so otherworldly gorgeous he can't explain it, and he gently takes your hands.

"Hey, dont be scared, okay? We'll go as slow as you want, and if at anytime you want to stop we will. We just want you to have a good time." Sam winks as he gives your hands a gently squeeze of reassurance. Crewel was silently taking off his coat all the while looking at the way the lingerie was hugging your body. Blush was covering your cheeks as you take your hands out of sams grasp and cup them together in a nervous fashion.

"Thanks.. its just this outfit im wearing is starting to be a bit uncomfortable." You say while looking away from their prying eyes.

"Well let's take it off then." Crewel says with a grin on his face while making eye contact.

"Mhm. I agree. If its making you so uncomfortable we should take it off." Sam says while giving you his signature grin. He takes your hand and leads you to their shared bed, sitting you on his lap in the middle of the comfortable mattress. Crewel followed and crawled towards the two of you, while landing front of you and spreading your legs gently.

Sam slowly leans into the crook of your neck, "I'm gonna take these off, okay?" He whispers in your ear as he places the strings of your panties in his fingers. Nodding in agreement, he gives the shell of your ear a soft nip, earning a small yelp from you, making the men giggle.

He slowly takes his fingers and pulls on the drawstrings, Crewel in front of you, watching in anticipation. Shyness taking over, you instinctively shut your legs close when Sam begins to take the peice of loose fabric off.

Crewel places one hand on your inner thigh and pries them open, clicking his tongue while shaking his head in light hearted dissapointment. "Ah-ah, no hiding sweetheart, cmon, you'll be begging to be touched more by the end of the night, we have to start somewhere, dont we?" Crewels voice was laced with last, you had never heard him act like this before, but God you wanted more.

You you began to crawl up Sams lap in a stroke of nervousness, to which he only gave a soft smile at. "You'll be a good girl for Divus, wont you? You'll be so good for him, let him eat you out, right?" Sam says from behind you in a teasing tone, while Crewel waited patiently for your response. Nodding yes, Crewel dove between your legs like a starved man.

A loud moan escapes your lips from the sudden burst of pleasure, earning a chuckle from the man behind you. Placing both hands on Sam's thighs in an attempt to keep your balance, you only ended up digging your fingernails into his skin. Leaving harsh, painful nail marks on his legs, Sam groans at the sudden pain. He takes his hand, interlocking it in Crewels hair and pulling him forward so he can reach deeper parts of you. You moan loudly at Crewel being able to hit spots no one else could, and Sam takes his hand out of Crewels hair and places two fingers on your clit, making circular motions with light pressure.

With all the stimulation, it doesn't take long for you to cum, which you do with a loud moan. Crewel licks all of your juices up and swallow them in a single motion. "Delicious, as expected." He says as he softly caresses your cheek for comfort. Sam begins to rub slow circles into the flesh of your thigh, giving them light pinches every word often.

Crewel begins to unbuckle his belt with one hand, the other still stroking your cheek. "Are you alright with taking us both at the same time? Its alright if not, we can take turns if you'd like." Crewel makes eye contact with you as he asks, making you swallow hard in anxiety. As you begin to think, Sam lays his head in the crook of your neck in anticipation.

"I'm alright with taking you both at the same time, its just please be slow, im a little scared is all... this is my first time doing something like this..." you say as a small chuckle comes from them both. "Of course we'd be slow silly! You're our main priority, so we just want to make you comfortable." Sam says as he kisses your neck and slowly retreats from his resting place on your shoulder.

"I'd suggest you prepare her for... well, anal. You're alright with that, right?" Crewel asks with concern in his eyes. Now THIS was something you didn't expect tonight, but not unwelcome.

"I'm okay with it! But please, please be gentle, I've never done this before." You say as you look behind you at Sam. He gives you a smile before ruffling your hair. "I know I know, I'll be gentle I swear." He says as he begins to let his slender fingers roam to you ass. "Get ready, okay? This is gonna feel weird and possibly hurt for a minute, but it'll get better."

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head. Sam takes one finger and begins to slowly inch his way in, letting you stretch out. You slowly grown out at the alien feeling, gripping Sam's thighs harder than you were before.

He begins to curl his finger in you, slipping in another one as you start to loosen up more. Crewel could sense the way it hurt, he leaned down and started kissing and rubbing your thighs gently, hoping it would help you ease.

Sam could feel you loosen from this, to the point he was able to slip a third finger in, earning a moan from you. He began to curl his fingers upwards as he kissed and sucked on the sensitive skin of your neck. With the stimulation, you ended up cumming after a few minutes.

As Crewel lapped up your juices again, but gently this time as to not overstimulate you, Sam began to praise you more. "Look at you, doing so good for us, taking us so well. I cant wait to have you coming undone on us." Sam said as he placed a light kiss on your cheek.

Crewel took the rest of his clothes off, leaving him in just his boxers, letting you stare in awe at how well built he was. He took your hand and let you sit in his lap. "Just a second doll, Sam needs to undress himself." He says as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, placing sweet kisses on it. After a minute, Sam was done and was also in just his boxers, guiding you back onto his lap.

"Which hole ya wanna take? Rock paper scissors? No, thats too cliche.." Sam rambles on. "I'm fine with whatever, what do you want, y/n?" Crewel tags into the conversation as he scoots closer to the two of you, holding your waist in the process.

"I'm okay with the position we're in right now, with you being in the front, Sam in the back.. it seems fine like this." The men smile at how genuine you're being, voicing your concerns, ect. Its cute to them. They nod and hum in agreement as Crewel grabs a bottle of lube.

"I reckon I won't have to use this as much as you will, Sam. Take it slow, hurt her and I'll beat the shit out of you." Crewel says with a smile on his face, sort of whispering that last part.

"I am gentle! I'm always gentle, some would even call me a gentleman!" Sam says with a playful scowl, taking the bottle from him. You begin to giggle as you see Crewel slowly take off his boxers, reveling his already, very hard member.

"Sorry love, you looked too cute, couldn't help it, yknow?" He says, giving you a wink as his breath speeds up. You feel Sam shifting under you and you feel him take off his boxers, throwing them to the side.

Oh no, they're both huge! Crewels is long, around 7-8.5 with reasonable girth, while Sams is 6.5 and a lot thicker. How are you gonna take them both at once?

"I know what you're thinking, you'll be alright. We'll take it slow, build up speed with time." Sam says as he places a quick kiss on your temple. He squeezes the lube on his hand, rubbing it together to warm it up before putting it on his cock. Earning a hiss from him, he sighs and places both hands on your waist. Lifting your body up, both him and Crewel line themselves with your holes, and wait for your confirmation.

Placing both hands on Crewels shoulders, you nod your head before they begin to slowly sink themselves into you, stretching you out more in the process. Moans from all three of you fill the room as they lower you down more and more.

Once they are fully in, they both huddle close to your body, singing you praise after praise as they wait for you to let them move. After a few minutes pf being out of breath and simply just panting you give them the go ahead.

"You can move, I'm okay now." And with that, they pull their torsos away from you and place their hands on your waist. Starting at a slow pace for you to get used to it, they slowly and gradually add more speed as they both bounce you on their cocks.

Sam rests his head on your shoulder, panting in your ear as his grip on you tighten and his muscles tense. Crewel doing the same, but while bouncing you, he begins to thrust upwards when you come down to make a larger impact, earning a loud moan that makes you tense around them.

Ssm gets jealous of how Crewel seems to be fucking you better, so he starts to do the same, meeting his thrusts with your timing. You were all moaning messes and by the looks of it, none of you could last very long.

Sam grits his teeth as his hands make their way to your tits, softly squeezing and pinching them. Crewel let's his hands wander to your pussy, taking his thumb and rubbing circles on your clit. You dont last long after they begin to do this, and cum for the third time this night, riding out your high as Sam and Crewel chase theirs.

You can feel Sams breath speed up and grow more hoarse as his grip on your thighs and breast slightly tighten. "Shit shit shi-" a loud groan erupted from his chest as he spills his seed in you. Crewel falling seconds after, cumming in you as he thrusts upwards, keeping it in.

You all lay on the bed for a few seconds, basking in eachothers presence while catching your breath. Crewel slowly pulls out, earning a whince from you. He walks into the bathroom and comes back seconds later with a wash cloth.

"Cmon Sam, you gotta get out." Crewel says as he looks at him, with a whine Sam pulls out too, letting both their juices spill out of you. "Such a good girl for us, keeping all our cum in her. You did so well for us dear." Crewel says as he cleans you up. Lightly dabbing the cloth on your now sensitive areas, he softly chuckles at the way your body reacts.

Sam walks to the other side of the room, going into a small fridge and grabbing three waters and a few snacks. "I've got waters for all of us and some chocolates for the girl of the hour." He says with a wink. Crewel is done cleaning you and goes to throw the soiled towel in a wash basket as Sam opens your water and chocolates.

Replenishing your thirst and munching on the surprisingly delicious chocolates, Sam picks you up unexpectedly and moves you to the front of the bed. "What, you didn't think we were gonna kick you out after this, did you?" Crewel says chuckling as he comes back from being in the bathroom.

"Honestly, im not sure what to expect from you guys anymore." You say with a chuckle. Both men chuckle aswell as they make it into bed with you, sandwiching you between them. Shifting the pillows and blankets around until you're all comfortable, you lay in a comfortable silence.

As you all say your goodnights as the lights in the room turn off, you can't help but think of what situation you're in. Having two men who just fucked you into oblivion now cuddling you goodnight? You could get used to this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~♧♧~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: im lorde yaya im lorde yaya

[snekdood]

i think some of ya’ll under estimates the JQ’s ability to subtly infect people, esp when they’re not aware of the dogwhistles (most people) 

it starts innocently- you’re a kid or an adult unable to detect manipulation, you pick up a new interest, and then you watch some videos about it, you find a video that somehow suggests there’s a “hidden secret” going on, obviously intriguing, you go on to learn about those secrets. if you watched new age stuff like me, there were a lot of “secrets” about aliens, i thought the aliens were cool and wanted to learn more, but apparently the aliens too are connected to this weird government secret, i try to learn more and essentially leave w the impression i cant trust my govt for shit (but maybe the aliens would save me, and yes i considered all of them bc i didn’t wanna believe all the aliens were just genetically evil) and they probably have child sex rings or something (which is intuitively true to me bc the govt’s fucked and run by christians who would be likely to have child sex rings, given how many priests are pedophiles, and all the ritual stuff seemed like something a christian kkk member would do). that was the only information i had and that’s all i extracted from reading that stuff at 14, and all it did was give me paranoia. i never looked into things further, i never went to those weird forums, but the baseline is already there now. i was more focused on the whole *spirituality* thing in new age beliefs, and the aliens were cool to me and i often doubted if the bad ones were really all that bad. NONE of those websites at the time mentioned ANYTHING about jewish people, i’d also specifically avoid websites that mentioned god w an uppercase g bc i knew they were christians, and christians are my enemy in this, so i knew that christians were trying to co opt “the truth” and inject a different message that was more sinister so i’d avoid literally anything like that. im already a failed and bad candidate for nazis lol bc i failed to apparently digest the final bit that it’s supposed to be *jewish people*, i guess because i wasn’t a christian back then so i didn’t have a hate boner for other abrahamic religions that were different from mine. so i just never got that last bit- but you can see how easy it is to decent into-- and id argue a lot of new age spirituality is a gateway and an entrance to the alt right pipeline and to JQ conspiracy theories. maybe the spirit science guy wasn’t intending to demonize jewish people in his “history of the world” video, but the othering of them doesnt help, acting like they’re a separate alien species that’s just smarter and gooder still isn’t exactly a great narrative bc you’re still dehumanizing them. and im sure for ppl more inclined to believe jewish ppl are evil will digest the thought that jewish people are not human like everyone else and then take it further when they learn about the conspiracy theories. 

anyways, I think acting like everyone who’s fallen into these conspiracy theories or even new age beliefs “should have known better” or “probably knew but didn’t resist it” is pretty unfair when on the outside new age stuff seems pretty fuckin innocent and happy and fun and ✨magical✨ and how, at least back in 2012/2013/etc, hardly any of that stuff mentioned jewish people specifically as being the source of evil, you’re supposed to have some sort of belief before that that leads you to that conclusion and im reeaaalllly leaning on the idea that it’s just being christian and hating other abrahamic religions that are different. 

also to me the freemasons seemed like a cover up for/a nicer looking kkk back in the day when i believed crazy conspiracies, idk, but thats just me 🤷‍♂️ i’ve been pretty staunchly anti christian my whole life so ig that’s where my mind naturally went.

[dikiyvter]

✎Ⅶ :>

Munday meme ./ accepting

✎ When choosing a name for your muse, did you pick something special or meaningful in some way?

       Oh man. Okay. So. Let me preface this by saying I didn’t intend to get as attached to Riga and Gio as I did, they were v much second-thought “oh these would be neat background characters” kind of thing, so their names are a little... weird, and I’ve kind of forgotten some of the lore behind why I chose these specific names.

       I cannot for the life of me remember if this is exactly where I got it, but I believe Giacomo’s name comes from Giacomo / Giacomino Cireni, who worked as a clown in Russia for a period of time? Sort of an aside, but apparently Giacomo is like. The italian version of Jacob. and I literally can’t get that out of my mind when I say Gio’s name, now. 

       Rigatello’s name was originally Rigoletto, but I kept misspelling it as Rigatello, and by the time I started actually writing him and showing him off on the blog I decided to just keep it as Rigatello so that I wasn’t explaining that I was constantly misspelling the poor mans name ( also bc Riga sounds nicer than Rigo ). Rigoletto comes from the Italian opera of the same name by Guiseppe Verdi, which is further derived from the character Rigoletto, whose a court jester. I went to the wikipedia page for the opera to make sure I was getting some of my facts right, and apparently the name Rigoletto comes from the french word ‘Rigoler’, which means to laugh, and I just think that’s kinda neat.

       I don’t remember much about how I came to name Gio Giacomo, but I do know that Rigatello was named first ( again, originally being Rigoletto ), and for a while I considered just... splitting the name between them because I was having so much trouble naming Gio? For a while I just called them Rigo and Letto. Kinda glad I didn’t go w/ that tbhtbhtbh.

       All in all, though, I really just wanted to find two names associated with jesters/clowns that were at the very least italian-adjacent so that they would fit with the theme of the harbingers. SO in other words-- there’s not much meaning, but I guess you could say there ~ * background information * ~ to eat up if you really want. At the end of they day they’re mostly just names, I didn’t do extensive research into the characters they’re named after because it... just didn’t occur to me at the time. They weren’t meant to get this far, lol. 

Ⅶ If you have multiple blogs and/or muses, which one is your favorite? Why?

       Making me pick between my kids? Thats a lil mean--

       Uh... I can’t really rank them in terms of which is my favorite and which is my least favorite, because I enjoy them all for very, very different reasons. I think I find myself on here the most because Gio is my most fleshed-out character, his interactions aren’t very taxing on me mentally ( for the most part ), and it’s typically very easy for me to work with him as a muse. To that note, the same also applies with drawing Gio! He’s fun, easy, and it’s generally my go-to when I want to draw because I know his design by heart. Gio lets me explore very different concepts outside the character much quicker than any other because of how familiar I am with him, and that’s a sentiment that applies to both writing and art.

       I enjoy Ku Shen for more worldbuilding/lore-exploring purposes, but also because I really enjoy developing the relationships that he has and using those to further his own development as a character. He’s a bit harder to write, and his interactions drain my energy a bit more, but at the end of the day he’s very satisfying to work on. Much like Gio, the same sentiment can be applied to when I draw Ku Shen, as well. I don’t tend to do sketchy brief slacking-off things of Ku; I typically go rather all out and have fun with what I’m doing, and at the end of the day I stop when I’m satisfied, because Ku Shen works my creative muscles a bit more. 

       When I draw Ku Shen it’s typically rather personal and focused on him-- vs. when I draw Gio, where it’s focused more on environments, ideas, and his interactions with others. shhh I just think its neat how writing differences can show up in how i draw them as well shhhh

       Dottore is a muse who flip flops between being very very quiet and very loud, and I enjoy writing him because when his muse is here its VERY present, and i don’t think I’ve ever had a character that really enables me to just go hogwild on monologuing and rambling and saying batshit insane things because that’s... how he is. He’s fun to write, he’s fun to explore, he’s fun to talk about. I derive great enjoyment from him and his blog because of those things.

       With my Zhongli blog... he’s bottom rung if only because my muse for him has sort of died off recently. Hopefully with new content he’ll wake up a little bit-- I really do enjoy writing a very canon divergent, kind-of-weird take on the character, honestly. It’s nice to explore canon things in a really roundabout and kind of convoluted sense and just see how far I can stretch things. I’ve been debating, lately, making him a bit more canon-compliant so that it’s easier to write him and gather up muse for him, but... we’ll see, we’ll see. His blog isn’t my focus right now, I don’t really have any intent on forcing myself into writing where I have no muse.

[datingdonovan]

1-14 for the soft asks, please!

 AAAAA thank you so much!!! oh my WORD wow you all are about to learn way too much about me im sorry lol. also sorry for the fact that i posted this ask meme knowing full well i wouldn't do the responses for like a day smh lol well here we are.

1. what song makes you feel better? oh gosh uhhhh i like just rocking out to my classic late 90s/early 2000s stuff that was on the radio when i was a kid but also like idk if theres a song i specifically love listening to for cheering up purposes. but those are the ones that really make me feel good and hype i think. maybe also yellow submarine?

2. what’s your feel good movie? the proposal 100%

3. what’s your favorite candle scent? uhh vanilla

4. what flower would you like to be given? golly idk honestly i dont know if i want to be given flower? but if you have to like a small cute handpicked flower or bunch would be nicer than a bouquet i think but honestly just pop off because im sure if i like u i will appreciate your flower lol

5. who do you feel the most you around? hmmm probably my bff & our gal pals :):):):):) i think? or like that’s the me i want to be i guess if that makes sense

6. say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical) wow im determined, i think im funny lol, and im a pretty great editor tbh. i love my HAIR and my eyes and i like that my body type lets me get abs if i want because i think theyre cool

7. what color brings you peace? idk my thinks were yellow but thats just my fave color, then green then dark blue. i feel like green is a good winner for bringing me peace lol

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good awww YOU and all my mutuals/followers/etc ofc and specifically also @stellar-alley & @hausofwax!! i love u <3

9. what calms you down? honestly i feel like a lot of the time talking to myself, going on a walk, or going on a walk while talking to myself are the ways i calm down when i get really worked up lol

10. what’s something you’re excited for? i really just want to make music videos and whenever i get the time i have some in mind so im hype for that whenever i can do it

11. what’s your ideal date? oh gosh i feel like i always say a theme park but idk. i feel like after my dating experiences honestly my ideal date would just be where i can ask them real questions and talk to them candidly lol because im sorta sick of the bs

12. how are you? i ok i sort of sad lately but also sort of excited to work on some creative projects but also feeling overwhelmed and like i have lots of other responsibilities i havent done yet rip

13. what’s your comfort food? i really love pad see ew when im in need lol thats def my top one. also bojangles chicken & biscuits apparently idk those are both 2 foods that ill go out of my way to get when i just need it lol

14. favorite feel-good show? gosh i feel like feel good media is such a weird idea to me because typically if im sad i just watch something that makes me cry  instead of something that makes me happY?? so like for the feel good songs i would just listen to sad songs lol till i feel like ive cried it out. here i want to say TEOTFW because like even tho it makes me SOB it also makes me feel so good???? and understood? that show really makes me feel understood and laugh and also gives me a good cry so in a weird way even tho it can be cry inducing it is my feel good show????? i guess? i dont know honestly if im feeling anxious any show is a feel good show bc its an escape from reality lol

wow thank u for these they were so fun you lovely person i hope you’re having a wonderful day

ask me softly

[blookmallow]

im DOING it im FIGURING SHIT OUT im making SO MANY IRON BARS now and UNLOCKING things and. progressing basically everything except my actual graveyard, which was the point of all this in the first place, but i’M GETTING THERE, AT LEAST :’) 

-----

I OPENED A SECRET PASSAGEWAY IN MY BASEMENT AND SOMEHOW ENDED UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE VILLAGE

[kronk voice] what are the ODDS of that trap door leading me out here 

this makes no fucking sense. it takes so long to walk over here but i can walk like half that distance in my basement and somehow end up here. i can only conclude there is a spacetime rift in my basement

i mean technically i got here in the first place because of a spacetime rift or something so i guess thats not actually unlikely 

coward

i like the “yet.....” though lmao 

donkey decided it was time for a labor strike. viva la revolution

i agree though he absolutely should get paid for carrying that cart back and forth all day, though i am not sure why that responsibility falls to me and not whoever he’s getting the corpses from in the first place, but i guess he’s also working for me

at first i was very uninterested in the fact that i can apparently also do farming in this game about graveyard management (bc i need carrots to pay my donkey friend for his services) but it appears all i have to do is plant seeds and then carrots happen a few days later, i dont have to like. water the plants or anything so thats fine by me i can periodically plant carrots for this guy

I ALSO FUCKIGN FIGURED OUT I *CAN* ACTUALLY TRADE IN MY BURIAL CERTIFICATES FOR MY PAYCHECK, AS WELL, THE SHOPKEEPER LIED TO ME, FUCKER DOES HAVE MONEY 

i mean maybe he didn’t at the time and i didnt understand the trading mechanic well enough to realize it,

its like skyrim where you can see how much the merchant has/they only have a limited amount of money but he DEFINITELY had enough money to pay me for my certificates and i have no idea how long he did. or why he A) told me he was broke when he wasnt, or B) never bothered to inform me when he got more money in and could afford to pay me 

this isn’t just like some random guy im trying to sell stuff to either he’s like. technically the innkeeper but also Essentially The Head Of The Village and this is supposed to be his responsibility 

anyway i cant tell if i got Temporarily Swindled or if im just stupid and didn’t understand how to sell things (GRANTED IT IS VERY CONFUSING AT FIRST) but i SWEAR he said he didn’t have the money when i met him

ALL THAT TO SAY I FINALLY HAVE MONEY :’) not a lot of it but like, Some. enough to buy seeds sometimes. 

i also get a little money from my sermons now, and im not Really sure its ok for me to be using the church donation funds to like, go buy carrot seeds so the corpse donkey will continue to bring me presents (the presents are corpses) 

like im not really using money to renovate the graveyard im mostly just crafting a bunch of shit out of like, rocks i found and trees i chopped down myself but w/e this doesnt seem like a very. well run respectable church in the first place :’) i AM trying to help out as many people as i can, for what thats worth,

i also failed my first sermon for some reason despite the fact that it was exactly the same as my second one. there doesnt seem to be anything i can Do really other than. input my. prayer. notes. or whatever it is. to summon Faith. i have no idea lmao im STARTING to get SOME of this though im doing loads better even if half of it is still mostly incomprehensible 

i rebuilt a fuckin BRIDGE!!!! its the worlds shittiest looking bridge but theres SO MUCH IRON over here so my crafting quest has become much easier 

my organs chest is coming along fabulously, as well

everything stacks except for organs i dont know why and im not sure what im going to do when i run out of space for organs considering i still have no IDEA what i can even do with these 

i dont understand the actual grave duties parts at all, i get corpses, i Can take all this stuff out of them but there’s no apparent use for any of it (im pretty sure i can sell the corpse meat if i manage to figure out how to get a forged approval stamp though lmao) it seems to lower their. quality?? or something?? and sometimes produces a “Surgical Mistake” bc my dude’s butchering skills arent that great yet but i have no IDEA what the Quality, or whatever it is, of the corpses even affects at all. removing some things seems to make it go UP for some reason but some things make it go down. my guess is im very bad at embalming and im removing all the wrong stuff and i dont have like, embalming fluid or anything so i dont really know what use it is to drain the blood out anyway except for like, Now I Have All This Blood

i guess maybe it’s messing with the quality level of my graveyard (which i do know i can improve by making nicer gravestones and stuff. that at least makes sense and I KNOW HOW TO DO IT, IMAgine) but i also don’t know what the graveyard quality affects either. my first task was to get it up to 5... uh. grave. points? but there isnt any clear indication of like, what next levels i want to be at or w/e. im at 16, whatever that means. im also running out of grave space which is definitely about to become a problem. i may have to start dumping some of these corpses into the river unless i can figure out how to unlock cremation :’   ) 

and im currently at a standstill on one of my quests because i need water to make a few things. i have a well. i can get a bucket of water from the well. but A Bucket Of Water and Water seem to be TWO DIFFERENT THINGS for some reason. im stuck bc i cant figure out how to get the water out of the bucket. im thriving 

I FINALLY FIGURED OUT HOW TO GET A PASS TO GO INTO THE TOWN AND I GOT FUCKIGN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING AND DIED 

my skull friend says Something Doesn’t Want You To Go There and im just like god damn it i wanted more shops 

anyway ive now completely filled up my gross chest and i still dont know what to do with any of these. i stopped collecting things that dont stack since i dont know what to do with them anyway but its hard to resist the temptation to cut out a guy’s heart when given the option to :’ ) 

[smireyac]

well well well wouldja lookie where we’re at now ⭐⭐

one more time around huh

lmao even got an hour till midnight again! its a talent at this point....

alright lets talk 2019

last year i said i wanted to make 2019 my year of DOING... bc 2016 was change, 2017 was getting used to and 2018 was getting too comfortable...

in all honesty, 2019 wasnt a bad year. in fact i have a lot to be proud of and celebrate! i think i accomplished a lot this year :^) as far as my goals that i made last year: 

-i wrote!! well not as much as i had APPARENTLY set for myself but a lot more than i thought i would!! so like my “goal” said 50k but like i almost immediately forgot about that and said my gaol was 10k [much more reasonable] which!! i did meet!! in fact i wrote 15,260 words of fun writing this year!! even if it was mostly brainstorming and i had said that didnt count... shut UP past me let me have this win!! i also said school work didnt count but if u *DO* count, i wrote an additional 13,165 words so :^p

-i went out!! not as much i woulda wanted but i went to 2 concerts and FINALLY (!!!!!!) got to see the book of mormon live on STAGE

-i made friends!!!!! ya kno i said 2019 should be the year of doing but really it was the year of friends, old and new... i hung out with joslyn at the fair b4 she moved branches... im a lot friendlier to the other peeps at the library.... and the peeps at the brig too!! even if im not there anymore

-oh yeah i quit working at the brig!! then came back for the summer lmao but i finally decided enough was enough 

-i got to see old friends!!!!! a lot of them!!! when i went back to miami for a week!! 

-wasn’t a goal i made for myself but i started playing dnd!!! and its been SOOO FUN!!!! 

as for the stuff i didn’t do, honestly im not even this surprised at this point but in 2020 we’re trying something different.. something new for the new decade 😎 were gonna be nicer... not just to other people, but to myself... shocking i know but like ive cursed and yelled at myself in every last one of these reflections and as you can see, its not super effective lmao

so lets get into the goals for the new year right? (i got like 7mins heh)

-we’re gonna keep “write” on here bc if u want to be a writer, u gotta write, right? lmao sooo how about we double the second goal? 20k words of fun writing for 2020!! you’ll beat that goal no problem, you were so close this year already!!

-i think saying “read more” was easy for me to ignore so if i make it a cool goal like “read 20 books in 2020″ then i might actually do it!! i was really gonna say 100 bc ve schwab does it but tbh its like last year when i said 50k words, its just not realistic so !! 20 seems reasonable bc i dont think ive ever even done *that* before....

-now.... drum roll please..... my most serious goal of 2020 is to.................. learn to drive!!! ta da!!!! i’ve been putting it off for whatever reason (i know the reason[s] but lets not get into it again) but i think i cant put it off anymore.... as much as i love public transportation (not sarcasm) and have no desire to know how to drive, i guess........ i can see why its a valuable skill or whatever............... so im gonna make an effort to learn this year.... like take the permit test and practice....... guhh... its the goal im least looking forward to but!! im gonna do it!!!

-now back to the kindness thing.... along with just being nicer to myself about the things i do, i also want to be nicer to myself about how i feel and how i look.... like i keep getting mad at myself for having feelings or not liking how i do something... i also want to be more ok about wearing clothes that fit tightly on my body... i want to be ok not hiding my fat and just exist in my body the way it already is.... while i was in miami, i wore a lot more revealing stuff and i just want to not think about how someone else might feel seeing my clothes cling to the softness of my body [i discovered your fat friend this year can you tell? lmao]

so yeah those are the main goals, honestly i have more but it doesn’t seem like the place for it and a lot of them are the same as every year anyway......

welp we’re 15mins into the new year and i want to rest so thats what im gonna do now :^)

thanks for listening

❤️

[cunt-666]

wW O W

this guy is such an asshole to me on the phone; like i tell him im nervous talking to him so he continuously pesters me with questions i cant like literally DONT KNOW how to answer, because i also told him im also shy asf abt everything, and when im reserved abt answering things he calls me sketchy and secretive and starts taking back nice things he said he'd do cause im "being vague", and i tell him im sensitive and that hes lucky cause i dont even let my friend call me as much as he does yet there he goes again saying hes OFFENDED when i say i "let him" call me back bc i did it with "some kind of attitude" ?!????? like i had zero fucking attitude i was just making a nothing comment about letting him call me right back and even if i did?????? what the fuck does it matter to you?? you like talking to me dont you so why dont you shut the hell up suck it up and learn how to be delicate with my fucking feelings. and he says i should be nicer to HIM otherwise he wont do nice things for me and acts like he doesnt have to be fucking nice or apologize at all for any of it, and then tells ME i have to not get upset or take things too seriously or get "uppity" about things because thats "just added unnecessary stress in life" which apparently he chalks up to the same thing as not having to be fucking nice to a girl and not say rude things on purpose. yet despite me having these parameters around my emotional gauge, hes suddenly allowed to go and get offended, and go ahead and let me know that hes ACTUALLY OFFENDED right now, because i said i let him call me back but i cant have my feelings genuinely hurt when hes genuinely being a fucking jerk. and then apparently hes allowed to be hurtful on PURPOSEwhen i ask him if talking to me was everything hed hoped for and he gets to say "Yeah I guess", and when i get insecure about it i get a "sheesh" or a "jeez" at my overreaction, and an oh hes JUST messing with me, i mean hes almost made me cry like 8 times realistic fucking count and i wouldnt even let myself bc i cant possibly be already crying over this guy i JUST met and i didnt want him to hear me but, lIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK YOU JUST TORE ME DOWN IN 6 DIFFERENT WAYS ON PURPOSE IM!!!!¡!!¡!!!!!?

[bythepowerof4]

bythepowerof4 hi hey hello

readmylipstick Hello, hey, hi.

bythepowerof4 haha hi hows everything

readmylipstick Not terrible, all things considered. How is your...everything?

bythepowerof4 i'd say, neutral? class sucks but damian got thrown on his ass so

bythepowerof4 well no ok also bad bc U Know so. if you wanna. talk about that. or we can not for a bit i don't mind

readmylipstick I guess I'm just worried about your feelings? Because it was really unfair for me to drop, well,  everything that I've dropped on you in the past couple months.

bythepowerof4 ok but no??? you like should tell me stuff if you want right not all at once and not when you're all out of it but . everything else is good not good cause it wasn't good stuff :/ but good that you wanted to tell me?? that's just a friend thing im not mad !!

readmylipstick You're not mad?

bythepowerof4 maybe?? i don't know i don't think so it doesn't matter the other stuff wasn't """unfair""" ok just. the other night. was a lot. idk

readmylipstick I feel like you dk, though. And if my feelings matter, than so do yours!

bythepowerof4 well yeah i guess im sorry i feel like i had things to say but i have no idea what they are lmao

bythepowerof4 that wasnt a good start huh. is there anything you really wanna say?? i wont be mad or weird or anything, promise

readmylipstick Just that like, I'm going to try and be better. Less...explosive. And I still meant a lot of what I said, but I don't want any of it to come between our friendship or make things weird.

bythepowerof4 ok well neither so thats a good start is there anything. i should be doing? or? not doing? and i mean. are you sure you meant it

readmylipstick Would it make you feel better if I said no?

readmylipstick Because it would be great if you weren't upset with me, but like beyond that there isn't really anything I can ask you to do?

readmylipstick So, just do what you think is best?? This is hard.

bythepowerof4 lmao very

bythepowerof4 maybe dont think about whatd make me feel better for a sec??

bythepowerof4 i did or didnt do something obv bc you felt like you couldnt tell me. that thing. and then got all upset

readmylipstick Oh, well...isn't that...how these things go like...I'm not supposed to...be super transparent...

readmylipstick Because the other party's feelings are an unknown!

bythepowerof4 ok if youre joking thats funny if not oh my god oh ok well. yeah

bythepowerof4 im trying to make it less unknown but this is still really hard and i hate it haha?

readmylipstick It's okay though I totally understand! I wasn't expecting you to do anything or feel a certain way, it was just a bunch of drunk blathering because alcohol eliminates my filter! Like, if I was going to breach this subject in the future I probably would have had a lot more tact!

bythepowerof4 its very much um, breached now haha so yeah. im sorry. really

readmylipstick Please don't be! My feelings are silly, and I'm sure I'll get over them! What matter most to me is our friendship, okay?

bythepowerof4 well yes that last part is definitely true but why do you keep doing that first part youre not silly i know i act like youre silly sometimes but thats not good and its not true??

readmylipstick Sure, but saying I'm silly makes it easier.

bythepowerof4 oh dude there are a lot of things that could make this easier but ive been instructed to not do like any of them :/ do i have to tell you youre valid cause i will i swear

readmylipstick Okay, okay! I'm valid! Wait, instructed? By whom?

bythepowerof4 not instructed i just got some advice which i assume is ok cause it also seems like you did the same :p

readmylipstick You can say you told Daisy, I'm not gonna freak out!

bythepowerof4 i didnt!!! i really didnt lol that wouldnt be very nice

readmylipstick Telling Nick is the same as telling Daisy...

bythepowerof4 no it isnt i had this whole talk with them about it once idk i swore him to secrecy you told ai. which is fine except for maybe sending her to talk to me lmao?

readmylipstick I didn't send her at all! I didn't even know she talked to you!

bythepowerof4 oh ok yeah i thought she might have done that herself lmao

bythepowerof4 can we get back to the important thing like how you are so valid and youre feelings matter and i think you need to maybe say them without editing based on what you think i'd say??

readmylipstick Well, I kind of already did that when I was wasted?

bythepowerof4 ok point

bythepowerof4 but feelings dont only matter when youre wasted and i think if u gotta be wasted to say important stuff, which is kind of a pattern now, thats probably

bythepowerof4 bad??

readmylipstick Well, that was an important thing but also an embarrassing thing, so it seemed natural just to keep it quiet?

bythepowerof4 but then like nothing woulda ever happened??? or like with that guy. you know. if you didnt get smashed and weepy and tell me about it would u just have kept it to yourself this whole time?

readmylipstick ...Okay, I see your point.

bythepowerof4 yeah so this was one of the things i was advised not to bring up but i think it might be important

readmylipstick I guess I could stop drinking then?

bythepowerof4 that is an option but there are lots of inbetweeny sort of options and also everything you do is entirely your choice and im not tryna like micromanage ur life!!!

readmylipstick I think there's a term for that, and it's called giving advice, right?

bythepowerof4 well yeah thats what i said!!! but apparently there is a line and apparently i like to cross it so im not gonna like tell you what to do or anything

readmylipstick Well, you don't have to tell me what to, but I think I might need some...help? To change, that is.

readmylipstick Because I don't want to keep making you uncomfortable and whatnot!

bythepowerof4 if you wanna change something cause you wanna change then i'll help you but don't do anything for my sake?? thats making me uncomfortable tbh??

readmylipstick Well, I figured it was a given that I would also be changing to avoid making a complete idiot of myself in the future!!

bythepowerof4 you dont have to though

bythepowerof4 i still like you i dont care if youre an idiot!! also youre not!!!!

readmylipstick Even if I'm not, it would have been nicer to handle rejection with a bit more grace! And, it would have made it better for the BOTH of us!

readmylipstick Is it really that bad that I'm guilty for what was an obvious and terrible screw up? Or that I'm concerned about the impact my actions have had on you? Because, I don't think so!

bythepowerof4 you handled it fine!!! i wasnt graceful either!!! the problem isnt how you handled it its how you told me cause if you told me sooner THEN it wouldve been better for both of us i think you feel guilty for the wrong thing maybe and also rejection is a very strong word can we just soften that

readmylipstick But, it's the truth! And, if I'm not allowed to outrun all my hard truths than you don't get to either! And, even if it's been as a drunk, at least I've been honest with you! Can you say the same? Like, "shrouded in mystery" is a cool look, but I feel like you've never opened up enough about yourself for ME to help YOU!

bythepowerof4 wait

bythepowerof4 no that is absolutely not fair ok just because i dont come to you with freaky magic stalker issues or weird nicholas sparks confessional shit doesnt mean im mysterious ok it just means im normal!!! and i dont need your help!!!

readmylipstick Clea!! Normal doesn't exist!!! And everyone had problems, including you!!!

readmylipstick Sure, I can be extreme. But, I can't remember you venting to be about anything that wasn't totally shallow!! And I know you' you're not a shallow person!

bythepowerof4 im totally shallow!!! and totally normal!!! i know theres the residual not normal of being here but thats not me ok???

bythepowerof4 do you seriously want me to get all big dark secret dnm on you so you can feel less guilty about doing it to me??? because i dont mind ok i promise you dont have to like, repay the favour

readmylipstick Then what would you have me be? Just some girl who cries on your shoulder?? You don't have to blow up like I have, but you could at least share a little bit?? Because, I have questions that I'm afraid to ask because I want to respect your privacy, but that also means you could be in trouble and you're hiding it! Like I was!!

bythepowerof4 of course not ok cause i like you all the time even when youre not crying on my shoulder but im also okay with you crying on my shoulder if you need to? according to some people im too ok with it which is bad but what the fuck ever i dont get in trouble and im an open fcking book and you can ask me anything go on!!! do it!!

readmylipstick Okay well I agree with whomever else you've been talking to (Nick and Daisy). You're too okay with it, especially because you're insisting that I do? Nothing?? In return??? And! If I get to ask a question! Why did you spend all that time in the math department in Spring? I know it wasn't tutoring because you definitely didn't get any better!!

bythepowerof4 im not insisting anything if i needed to cry on a shoulder then yeah sure id hit you up!!! are you calling me dumb???

readmylipstick No! I'm stating a fact!

bythepowerof4 ok well rude i was getting help ok. technically with maths

bythepowerof4 just like. personal maths and maybe getting better but it didnt work so it doesnt matter

readmylipstick Oh. I didn't even know you wanted to get better?

bythepowerof4 what?? why on earth wouldnt i

readmylipstick I don't know? I guess I figured 4D had it's perks?

bythepowerof4 what the fuck sort of perks

readmylipstick Alien senses???

bythepowerof4 not that useful, give me headaches

readmylipstick No one gets in your way on the sidewalk?

bythepowerof4 yeah cause no one wants to fucking touch me

readmylipstick So, it just sucks? All the time?

bythepowerof4 yeah pretty much. i can't just put a hat on and be normal again like some people lmao

bythepowerof4 some people are fine. you make it feel ok cause you think it's neat or whatever but i figured you were savvy enough to figure it wasn't all sunshiney all the time

readmylipstick It's not like putting on a hat just makes it go away, though! I get headaches too, actually! And, it's not like you really have let on that this is something that distresses you...hence my initial concern. But, thank you for sharing. I can't fix the problem, but at least I understand better?

bythepowerof4 well yeah you cant fix it so i didnt need to bother you about it. you getting it

readmylipstick But, I'm still glad you did! Even though I can't do anything to help now, what if one day I meet someone who can? Or at the very least, I can slip you a Tylenol when you need it?

bythepowerof4 no offence cause thats a sweet idea but its absolutely never gonna happen lmao

readmylipstick Why not? I carry around pain killers all the time!

bythepowerof4 i meant the first thing but omg youre such a girl scout thats not mean thats nice like haha i dont care if my head hurts ok its just when it makes other peoples and you cant give tylenol to every single person in the world so its easier to just ignore it when did this become about me also

readmylipstick When I decided we were going to have equality!!

bythepowerof4 itsequality.gif

readmylipstick sent a GIF

Exactly!! And your headaches matter just as much as anyone else's!

bythepowerof4 lmao nice ok but i dont need to tell you every time still lmao!! i can deal its chill and i have shared. are u happy

readmylipstick Happier than I was earlier, yes!

readmylipstick Thank you for sharing!

bythepowerof4 well that's good i guess

bythepowerof4 are we like, good?? is there anything else, while we're being all like, honest and awkward and stuff

readmylipstick Just that...what I said before doesn't change anything about what we've been through together, or anything that will happen later. It's just a thing, and I'll make it not a thing, and then everything can go back to normal!

bythepowerof4 ok. ok yeah for sure im sorry if i was mean about it. you're like you're really great!!! and i care about you a lot duh

bythepowerof4 did i make it weird again im sorry. necessary evil

readmylipstick hehe No that's not weird at all. Because, you know, ditto?

bythepowerof4 lmao yeah!! ditto ditto

bythepowerof4 just don't be embarrassed ok

readmylipstick Well, I'll do my best!

bythepowerof4 your best is absolutely good enough that was really cheesy huh

readmylipstick A little bit. But, I still appreciate it!

bythepowerof4 im glad

readmylipstick I am too!

[oflgtfol]

ahuahiaha so i had A Dream and it was a long one so sorry for the long post but i cant do read mores on mobile so tomorrow shannen's coming over my house but in my dream i went over Their house and like idk what the hell we did there but there were like pennies the size of quarters and i was trying to collect 4 of them to give to shannen because it meant something special/was a joke or smth i really cant remember, but like i stumbled over a tile with a painting on it but when i picked it up it was actually like one of those horn things that are actually like shells? and the painted side was like the inside of the shell. and then shannen's dad comes in (he was like an old man i havent actually ever seen their dad) and he was like "Once You Touch, You Must Blow It" and i was like uhm ok and he said that the sound must be like really deep and loud but when i did it it was just a fucking whistle and he just shook his head lmao then all the sudden it was like dinner time but i wasnt actually there? i was watching everything from the outside and it was just this long hall with a long table and i think i could actually control the people inside. everyone was crowding towards the right side but two old ladies were on the left so i was like "ok theyre married now" and i tried to make everyone sit more evenly so that those two wouldnt be alone. but there was some issue with mirrors like some girl was like "i wont sit across from a mirror" her mom was like "i wont sit diagonal from a mirror" and a guy was like "i dont even wanna see a mirror" and the younger girl was like "i have two conditions. i dont want to be across from a mirror and i dont want to see any gross shit. like blood" and she just side eyed her mom like lmao what ok then there was something with a girl i have never seen before and like her parents were yelling at her bc i think she was like, really butch? and her parents were like "stop you need to wear nicer clothes do you want to look like a boy" but like the entire time i was just, drawing her ok and that was all i could see like i had no vision of the actual events going on, just this sketch and im p sure i drew her driving a convertible then all the sudden it was this high speed race, it was some guy and again i wasnt actually in here i was watching this guy from like a third person view. hes speeding down the road being chased by these big black vans but i think they were actually just trying to get to the same thing before the other. the van crashes the guy but he gets into like a fucking fork lift except it has like this one giant crab hand thats actually super high tech and he manually attaches the second crab hand thing and with both hes like rlly powerful BUT his like fucking brain was damaged in the crash so hes... suddenly in the music hallway of my school. he goes down it in the forklift (which i thought was much too big to fit in the hallway but idk man he couldnt walk before" and he gets this super computer that lets him function and also makes him basically almost omnipotent and so he goes to leave the hallway, theres security on the outside stopping the guys from the van saying theyre restricted from this area. computer guy squeezes through, suddenly hes just in like. basically a floating chair like its just even a wheelchair its just a nice comfy lounge chair that floats and is a lot smaller for travel. it was also white and sorta translucent then suddenly computer guy is back to speeding down roads, theres a girl with him and for a brief moment i was in her point of view while she was driving but she moved over to let him drive and i was back to him. im p sure they pick up butch girl from earlier and apparently its the end of the fucking world. the cliffs on the side of the road are like, square and rectangularish (like the, entrance to the monster world in moana i guess? but the rectangles were a lot larger) and like the other side of the road just. isnt there. its like in wizard101 its just empty fucking sky and bits of squares of earth are like floating in it but also falling. theres people on the road doing their own thing tho but computer guy is like "alright so time should be restarting at a steady pace now. i dont think you can remember what happens each restart but if you remember anything, remember this: if you find yourself on the road, dont ever get off. keep driving till the end" and thats what they did they just kept on driving for hours along this long ass road and nobody else driving along even knew the world was ending but apparently time was restarting and each restart was gonna get closer and closer together until time just like collapsed i guess lmao. then my mom woke me up so. see you time car guys

[priceforrottenjudgement]

so now I’m watching tld and writing down everything that bothers me.

spoilers obviously. 

00:00 to 30:00

part 2

-so we know her name is eurus (i thought it was spelt euros, but apparently i was wrong.) maybe sherrinford is her middle name? like william sherlock? 

-I’m not 100% sure sherrinford and eurus are even the same person, bc that would be JUST like mofftiss to use something from the canon and have it mean something completely different. i’m gonna keep an open mind towards both possibilities

-mycroft says that sherrinford is secure. and considering the level of supervision he keeps sherlock under, i find it VERY strange that eurus could just pose as john’s therapist for several weeks.

-what kind of accent is that? nobody else in the holmes family has it.

-”why does everything have to be understandable? why can’t something be unacceptable?” foreshadowing to john beating the shit out of sherlock?

-john just casually talking to his hallucination of mary. he’s completely aware of her death but forcibly denying it.

-”I am reminding you of your friend, i think”, lol eurus.

-she’s an absolute psychopath, how she’s willfully putting her fingers in the wound but acting like she’s innocent

-why is mrs hudson listening to ‘freude schöner götterfunken’ tho :D

-those constant snippets from tv shows and adverts showing culverton smith fucking annoy me, but they might be alluding to people missing time? hallucinations? visions?

-i’m kinda frustrated with this villain. i mean he was obviously supposed to be a red herring to hide eurus, but i was still expecting someone really evil :/ he’s just a regular sort of narcissistic psycho

-i mean faith obviously doesn’t like her dad all that much, which makes her acting all buddy buddy huggy later on a bit weird

-that speech about ‘telling someone you darkest secret’, ‘not being able to take it back’ is 100% sherlock’s fears about confessing to john.

-”once you’ve opened your heart, you can’t close it again.”

-”of course you can” mofftiss telling us once again not to trust what we see?

-i mean eurus’ and faith’s accents are very different. i have no idea where to place eurus, but faith is northern? (my first thought when i heard eurus speaking without seeing her was “....is she french?”)

-don’t trust your memory “I’m afraid that some of the memories you’ve had up to this point might also be corrupted” so we can’t trust past episodes either?

-maybe bc we’ve always seen them out of either john’s or sherlock’s pov and they’re both kind of unreliable? (love me an unreliable narrator) maybe that’s also why john looks so good now. bc we see him through sherlock’s eyes?

-cant help it, he just reminds me so much of trump

-i wondered why faith still had the note to show it to sherlock even after culverton saw it

-you can hear that she’s trying to recreate faith’s accent, but not completely and her voice is different

-is sherlock faceblind? or just actually so high?

-so we still can’t be sure if eurus is actually in sherlock’s flat bc billy can’t see her?

-why are the deductions written in chalk and not typed as usual?

-is eurus acting like she’s a suicidal lady on purpose to mess with sherlock or is she actually suicidal and self-harming herself?

-”is ‘cup of tea’ code?” lol, see what you did there

-”It’s congenital” what? the bad luck?

-”your life is not your own, keep your hands off it” why do i get the feeling that this exact thing has been said to sherlock before?

-”you’re suicidal, you’re allowed chips. trust me, it’s about the only perk” same here. is sherlock eating fries when he’s feeling suicidal?

-so we know eurus got the note from culverton. so eurus took the note, kept it hidden in a book, had a relationship that ended, are a good cook, doesn’t get any visitors and we know where she lives? or did she fake all that too?

-they are watching sherlock, but not sure if someone is with him and mycroft doesn’t recognize eurus?

-”pain stimulates your memory, so you tried it again later, your lover failed to notice an increasing level of scars” is he talking about himself again?

-”how do you know he didn’t notice” “oh well because he would have done something about it [...] isn’t that what you people do?” 

-”the way you think” “superbly.” “sweetly.” “Im not sweet im just high.” yeah right.

-”the fact that i’m his brother doesn’t change anything. it didn’t the last time.” so i’m guessing mycroft put eurus away. so why didn’t he notice what she was doing???

-”do you still speak to sherrinford?” “i get regular updates.” so sherrinford is a person, but is it eurus? or a bodyguard? handler?

-”sherrinford is secure” yeah well apparently not unless there is another holmes sibling. OH SHIT TWINS!!!! THATS THE TWINS???

-or maybe eurus is sherlock’s twin...

-”we must be careful not to burn our bridges” shot to sherlock and his estranged sister

-”your life turned on one word”

-”taking your own life. taking it from who? once it’s over, it’s not you who’ll miss it” i feel like this is also something someone said to sherlock

-is the word flickering over the screen ‘someone’?

-”you know what i’d expected you’d’b?” “what am i” “nicer” “than who?” “anyone”

-anyone is an important word. molly said it, eurus says it twice, culverton says it, mary says it.

-he once again has the flashback of the kid playing with the dog and the girl singing, is he subconsciously recognizing eurus?

-also i think that eurus is responsible for redbeard having to be put down. i already had that theory, but then i read [this] and my suspicions were hardened. eurus wanted to kill sherlock and practiced on redbeard, mycroft had her taken away (?), sherlock was possibly too young to properly remember her

-aaand she’s gone. we still don’t know which parts were real and which were hallucinated.

-once again proof that sherlock is hallucinating vividly and losing time

-”they’re always poor and lonely and strange” talking about serial killers. or eurus. or both.

-do all police officers know who mycroft is?

-so that crazy monologue is definitely staged to make mrs hudson take him to john. but why henry the fifth?

-what the fuck is that accent?????

-”are you having an earthquake?!” rwjdkaslöx

[todoroki-shouts]

Was tagged by @emerald-psyche​ (a while ago and then i forgot and then i remembered so now im here)

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs that you would like to get to know better! Aaaand go!

Nicknames: Bel

Gender: girl or something

Star sign: virgo

Height: 4′11.5″

Time: 5:00 PM

Birthday: August 28th

Favorite bands: I like linkin park! That’s... mostly all i listen to, or at least a fairly large portion of it

Favorite Solo Artists: Adam Young/Owl City is good! I should maybe expand my musical tastes but im also kind of picky

Song stuck in my head:  None currently

Last movie I watched: Either the 20th pokemon movie or uhhh christian mingle (due to poor life choices) i dont remember which i watched first

Last TV show I watched: first episode of “a place further than the universe”

When did I create my blog: Uhh many years ago i don’t remember but i was probably in like 9th grade

What do I post: Mostly whatever thing im currently into aka bnha right now. other things might show up from past interests. and then memes and sometimes art i guess

Last thing I googled: “what to include to use swap”

Do I have other blogs: i have an art blog and an ask blog, though haven’t been keeping up very well with either bc of school and Obligations

Do I get asks: hahahaha no. probably like one every 8 months

Why did I choose my URL: homestuck. or more specifically the paradox space comics were a Thing and i like to adverb/adjective words together. forgot that spacial is actually supposed to be spelled “spatial” but the c looks nicer with all the other letters anyway so ya know. kinda thinking of changing it at some point since its not like i have any sort of “brand” with it, but never really felt like bothering just yet.

Following blogs: 1004 🙃

Followers: 422

Favorite colors: green! like a deep or bright foresty green or something. sky blue or light blue or whatever is also nice

Average hours of sleep: 5-6 on weekdays bc im garbage but have made only very weak efforts to try and get more

Lucky numbers: i like things that come in 2′s, 3′s, 4′s, and 5′s? 8 as itself is also okay? idk what would make the number lucky to me (ask me abt olp tho, numbers are fun)

Instruments: Piano, violin, timpani (+chimes), vibraphone (and by extension marimba and xylophone i guess?), steel drums

What am I wearing: Jeans, a longsleeve shirt from marching band, a shortsleeve shirt under it bc its cold, socks w music on them, a watch

How many blankets do I sleep with: one, unless the room is cold

Dream job: Probably most likely something with computers since thats my major. Would be cool to do stuff with virtual reality or augmented reality or artificial intelligence but so far i don’t have the background enough to know whether I’d actually like to work with any of that. Something that has arty things might be fun

Dream trip: Probably take some close friends and travel around wherever? Anywhere that has like a lot of interactive things I guess, rather than just straight-up sightseeing, but I dunno what that would even mean

Favorite food: 广东汤圆 which is like a soup or something with balls of dough made with rice flour, plus various meats and vegetables. I think in other parts of China they have tangyuan but its like sweet or something? But this one’s salty and apparently is traditionally eaten on the first day of winter, or so I’ve been told. Is v good

Nationality: American of the United States (tho parents from china)

Favorite song right now:  eugrhg uhhh idk cant think of any song that particularly sticks out to me right now

I tag whoever wants to do it bc its now dinner time farewell friends

[snekdood]

so me and my friend were hanging out last night, she told me her mom tested negative for the virus then the next day apparently there was a second test (i didn’t know there were two i thought there was just one) and she tested positive. so if I die bc of this virus or my mental health gets damaged enough to the point where i basically kill myself bc i can’t handle all my current problems + whatever damage the virus might do to me, here are some things I’m gonna say;

1) hopefully! my ex can admit what they’ve done once i’m dead and is just so suaded by the guilt of railing on me for years and then realizing im dead and railing on me isn’t as fun, though i’m sure it’d be more of a saving face thing considering it’d look bad anyways to rail on someone who you previously cared about who’s now dead

2) i kind of feel like i hate all humans! idk! i’ve always had better relationships with dogs. i wish i could have had better relationships with humans but all of ya’ll are petty and gossip and talk behind peoples backs which makes you a PUSSY, and i never cared about trying to befriend any human because my relationships with them are just so lackluster. with a dog our affection for eachother is obvious and immediate, i want to show affection and he does to and we do immediatly, we stick by eachother and defend eachother because theres strength in numbers. i KNOW my dogs love me. I don’t get that same feeling when I’m around humans. they ‘say’ they love you but thats all it is, words. so I think, humanity, you could do a better job trying to be nicer to people like me who actively avoid you because of the way you treat others.

3) i do notice when people avoid me because of my mental illness and i’ll haunt you in my death, kys, stop pretending you care about mentally ill people lmao.

4) I also notice how much people avoid me now because i’m a guy. I think you should work on that too humanity, esp those in the lgbt community because guess what, this is supposed to be my community too, but as a trans guy I feel like I have NOWHERE to go, and I feel like a lot of lgbt people digest more radfem material than they realize.

anyways, take care, hopefully I dont die but! who knows!!!

[bythepowerof4]

bythepowerof4 uuuggggggggggghghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

nickatnightwalker good morning sunshine

bythepowerof4 very very bad morning. day. all of it :/

nickatnightwalker im trying to feel compassion but you did kind of do it to yourself

bythepowerof4 do what???

bythepowerof4 i didn't get fucked bro i was only a little off lmao i just had like. a bad time ):

nickatnightwalker oh is this not a hangover moaning

bythepowerof4 god i wish

nickatnightwalker what happened as far as i could tell you stayed clothed so whatre the regrets

bythepowerof4 i did lmao. ok like ur ego is probably swelling in the wake of everyone's poor decision making, but would it inflate it more if i said u were right all along

nickatnightwalker my ego's already reached terminal velocity youre gonna have to be more specific about what i was right about

bythepowerof4 etsuko :/

bythepowerof4 and prom. and prom with etsuko

nickatnightwalker /fuck/ yes i knew it and it's a bad thing because you dont know what to say, yeah?

bythepowerof4 fuck oooooooffffffffffffffffffff yeah :/ but it's also a bad thing cause she was fucking smashed and wanted to kiss me and chucked on my shoes and oh my god

nickatnightwalker oh smooth that's a definite winner as far as first moves go

bythepowerof4 haha yeah ok but i think maybe it wasn't the first move??? and i missed the others cause im an idiot i guess??? and she was so weird and sad and i feel like shit

nickatnightwalker no in all seriousness i obviously have a bias but good things have come from worst first moves it's not your fault you didnt know something she didnt say if she's sad you didnt pick up on it that blows but it's not on you

bythepowerof4 fuck lmao u are the expert :p and yeah. are you like. very sure im in the clear bc idk tbh i got kinda pissy and im still kinda pissy cause she said weird things about me and also daisy but like, we're friends and i think i was harsh

nickatnightwalker it's not your fault for not being a mind reader

bythepowerof4 i wish i was they need a class for that here. everyone wants you to be a fucking mind reader

nickatnightwalker oh what am i gonna have to stuff somebodys second mouth with newspaper and make them smell a jockstrap or what

bythepowerof4 no you are not and none of this leaves this chat ok!!!!

nickatnightwalker yes yeah but do i have to kill her or what i already gave thiren the flu this school year im comin in hot

bythepowerof4 was that you holy shit she shared her flask you gave it like everyone lmaoooo but wait no no killing!!!! she was just like. idk im kinda fuzzy on the deets but she acted like she was scared of like. breaking girl code. getting up on some other girls territory i think she actually said territory which made me feel very gross and i still do actually wow

nickatnightwalker i didnt make anyone share her bottle im innocent of everyone else getting sick alright also what the fuck girl code? territory??

bythepowerof4 i know girl code is strange and mysterious to us both but it was still. weird

bythepowerof4 she thought she couldn't say anything cause of daisy i think. cause she brought it up before i even said shit i think???

nickatnightwalker girl code is not a thing

bythepowerof4 i think it's shorthand for like basic decency

nickatnightwalker alls fair in love and war motherfucker if you and someone else like the same person whoever wins wins theres no playing nice playing nice is like, insulting

nickatnightwalker you like who you like and someone bowing out for someone else isnt fair to you just saying

bythepowerof4 :/

nickatnightwalker im serious it's wildly outdated and treats you like something that someone has a right to

bythepowerof4 like territory

nickatnightwalker very uncool

bythepowerof4 its not her fault i think im making it sound worse than it is

nickatnightwalker to be totally fair probably she thinks you like daisy and didnt want to get in the way which is respectable and respectful and a different story but territory is very uncool

bythepowerof4 yeah i think that's closer idk i barely have it in me to be confused about one girl this sucks talking to people sucks i don't know what's going on

nickatnightwalker you dont like have to know whats going on

bythepowerof4 it clearly helps

nickatnightwalker like. not to be fake deep but feelings arent easy to parse like, ever sometimes it takes a long time so just chill it's not a big deal to not know what to say the second someone comes on to you

bythepowerof4 i did say things though like a few things and i think they were kinda mean like youre right but it Sucks !!

nickatnightwalker ok. ok like.  being mean may have cut that option off for you you know that right

bythepowerof4 oh my god

bythepowerof4 oh my god fuck

nickatnightwalker dont freak

bythepowerof4 shes not an option she's just my friend which means i shouldn't be mean yeah way too late

nickatnightwalker on a scale of 1 to 10 how bitchy were you also if shes like.  not an option.  and just your friend.  isnt that kind of your answer clea.  like i dont mean to point out the obvious or sway you in any way but im not getting strong yes vibes from this strongly negative reaction

bythepowerof4 i don't know!!! i don't know it happened very fast i think i called her dumb

nickatnightwalker ouch

bythepowerof4 and got pissy about like. how we are Always Doing This

nickatnightwalker what, throwing up on each other

bythepowerof4 her throwing up on me yes

nickatnightwalker ok i can see how thats a bit of a turn of *off

bythepowerof4 this has like. happened and i think it's bad which means i should have been nicer about it

nickatnightwalker youre really being so vague right now you mean shes tried to tell you before or what

bythepowerof4 i mean she's gotten off her fucking face and started crying before and i just like, take her to the dorm or back to mine and its like. idk

nickatnightwalker right you dont love it

nickatnightwalker is what im gathering

bythepowerof4 no i think i think i think it's kinda nice sometimes cause i like helping her and that's really really bad

nickatnightwalker it's bad that you like helping her im just trying to get this right have patience with me

bythepowerof4 well yeah if she needs to need help before i can help her

nickatnightwalker oooooookay well it's not like youre sabotaging her just to get your hero rocks off

bythepowerof4 that sounds even worse thank you

nickatnightwalker youre not, are you?

bythepowerof4 i don't think so but like

bythepowerof4 i didn't stop her or anything

nickatnightwalker youre not her babysitter

bythepowerof4 i was um. distracted but i shoulda right

nickatnightwalker if you wanna help her outta the goodness of your heart thats good for you but youre not her babysitter i let damian and daisy both make turds of themselves last night

bythepowerof4 they weren't even drinking that's different

nickatnightwalker yeah, they did that shit sober and i still didnt try to stop them dude, my guy, bro youre your own responsibility ok

nickatnightwalker youre not her mom

bythepowerof4 im her friend!!!! friends look out for each other and stuff!!!!! and if im apparently leading her on or something and making her feel like she can't talk to me and letting her get all messy and miserable then im a bad friend and im upset about it!!

nickatnightwalker 1. leading someone on kind of has to be intentional, otherwise youre just like, being crush-worthy by being yourself 2. friends arent moms 3. moms are a social construct anyway 4. you dont "let" her get anything youre not in chargeof her cmon clea youre takng on way more of this than you should

feel bad she feels bad if you want to but guilt doesnt factor into this

bythepowerof4 you're like. way too rational you're making it very hard to be hysterical that's a compliment i think but im mad about it lmao :/

nickatnightwalker my job is to be rational about everyones problems except my own

nickatnightwalker thats my niche in the social hierarchy

bythepowerof4 big words from the guy trying to decimate my well meaning babysitter niche !! if you ever need someone to be hysterical about your problems know that im here for you

nickatnightwalker i have no problems my life is a glittering utopia compared to the dumpster fire of your last night and today apparently

nickatnightwalker like i cant make your decisions for you or anything but before you do make one id seriously advise you to work on not taking responsibility for etsuko's life and bad choices cause that way lies a really fucking miserable relationship

bythepowerof4 lmao liar!! everyone has problems and i'll be personally offended if you don't at some point dump them on me like im doing right now to you. two way street :p my advice might be less cool and wise and prophetic but like. still its not like, a """decision""" anyway cause its not some weirdo love triangle bullshit. cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different but not now the decisiony part is just how to undo the dumpster fire lmao. which i think. i can maybe do idk thank u ur so good at this i hate you

nickatnightwalker i gotta be real i have no idea what anything you just said meant

bythepowerof4 oh i thought i made sense that time :/ that sucks this sucks again

nickatnightwalker is this a new kind of sucking or is this the same suck as before

bythepowerof4 part of the same suck cause i don't make , like. sense :/

nickatnightwalker just that one part where you say youre not making a decision cause you kinda got to even if it's to do nothing

bythepowerof4 oh ok yeah

nickatnightwalker "cause i dont like. maybe if she said something before or if u know?? if shit was different"  also this part

bythepowerof4 well im not doing nothing cause i don't wanna fight with/not talk to anyone and if i said i was thinking of waiting it out you'd tell me that's stupid lmao and that parts just like. u know

bythepowerof4 what she wanted to do and whether i also wanted to do that thing

nickatnightwalker idk i actually dont think waiting it out is a terrible idea in this case at least until she's calmed down and youve had time to think about whether you also wanna do that thing

bythepowerof4 i don't think i do right now i thought i was making that part fairly clear it's not like a hard no cause she's cool but i've got a lot going on rn lmao

bythepowerof4 ok so waiting. lmao can you be a mate and like buzz me when it's a good time to no longer be waiting

nickatnightwalker no that part was fairly clear from the way this news didnt like, make you happy in the least

bythepowerof4 oh. yeah i guess? that could all be circumstances though

nickatnightwalker it's been a couple days now probably tomorrows a good day to apologize for being bitchy

bythepowerof4 ok. ok i can do that !!!

nickatnightwalker circumstances arent THAT much of a game changer when it comes to wanting a person to kiss you or not also dont apologize for her getting drunk that was her choice dont be weird about it

bythepowerof4 barf mouth tho

bythepowerof4 and yeah ok i'll skip that part

nickatnightwalker ok barf mouth is actually a good point

nickatnightwalker but still easy enough to fix for it not to be a huge dealbreaker

bythepowerof4 oh hey ets yeah let's go get you some goddamn listerine, and i'll go change my shoes and then we'll meet back here in 15 for super scheduled smooching !! no thank you!!!!

nickatnightwalker do other people not do that i feel like people do that i personally have definitely sent people away for listerine

bythepowerof4 oh my god and you can just?? get back in the moment like nothing happened???? i don't see it

nickatnightwalker idk if theyre hot enough you can let a lot of stuff slide

bythepowerof4 oh bc ur sooooo hot enough that they let ur critiques on their hygiene slide :p

nickatnightwalker you think im that tactless? im fucking smooth people dont even notice it's insulting

bythepowerof4 is there a tactful way to send ppl off for mouthwash

nickatnightwalker yeah, you tell them what they get when they come back or pass em some gum and hope if it's not too bad

bythepowerof4 jesus you really think you're all that !!!!!

nickatnightwalker what it's not like im making this up when youre out sometimes people arent super picky ok

bythepowerof4 i believe you its just weird !! i thought people were picky as a rule and like, idk it sounds so awkward

nickatnightwalker oh no absolutely people are not that picky all the time and if you wanna k iss someone you wanna kiss them and you'll wait if you gotta you see?

bythepowerof4 oh well duh im good on the waiting part lmao which is why i would wait for a different time entirely when no ones barfy or critical :p im very patient!!!!

nickatnightwalker right but you have to like.  want to wait. and if you wanna wait then that should kinda clue you in

bythepowerof4 oh. yeah we're talking about that again ok

nickatnightwalker it all comes back around theres no such thing as tangents

bythepowerof4 youre a terrible person i live off tangents

ok well. yeah no. i don't wanna like a little but not enough. which i feel weirdly bad about but sure whatever brain!!

nickatnightwalker no no guilt over that

nickatnightwalker not allowed if etsuko's a half decent person i dont think she'd want you to feel guilty about that either

bythepowerof4 tell my brain that im trying !! she wouldn't duh i think she feels worse about it which makes me feel worse about it

nickatnightwalker say it with me now i am not responsible for someone else's feelings now you

bythepowerof4 :/ i am not responsible for someone elses feelings

nickatnightwalker yeah there you go try this one im not responsible for someone else's messy behavior

bythepowerof4 i am not responsible for someone elses messy behaviour even though if i can stop it i should probably try ok next

nickatnightwalker nope if you want to out of the goodness of your heart go for it but you have no responsibility to stop it not even should

bythepowerof4 are you sure not even should that seems extreme

nickatnightwalker no like it'd be nice of you but youre really NOT under any obligation youre not her mom

nickatnightwalker thatd be creepy and gross clea

bythepowerof4 not obligation just like the parameters of friendship it's creepy and gross that u keep saying that!!

nickatnightwalker it's creepy and gross that you feel like youve gotta babysit her im just being real here

bythepowerof4 ughhhhhhhhhhhh i knew it i knew i was gross it's not even her ok i would look out for you if you weren't so mr perfect perfect all the time!!!

nickatnightwalker thats the first time ive ever been accused of that lemme bask in it for a second ok im good

nickatnightwalker clea that kinda sounds like an issue that's you-based and youre like, gonna get worn out and have a breakdown or something

nickatnightwalker we're kids we're not old enough to take care of other people like that

bythepowerof4 i just. don't get why ur objecting to my like, decency if you ever actually needed it then maybe you'd get it but you don't so it's fine!! im not gonna have a breakdown i don't wanna have a breakdown

nickatnightwalker im not objecting to decency im objecting to feeling guilty if you dont go out of your way for someone not like i dont generally frown on decency anyway but thats not related

bythepowerof4 no tangents!!! everything is related :p it's just. very hard ok can't help it, didn't know it was weird, this is by and large new information

nickatnightwalker i too like introspection better when someone else does it for me

bythepowerof4 god right ppl should make a living off this

nickatnightwalker i think that's called therapy

bythepowerof4 shit yeah ok but who needs that

nickatnightwalker apparently most of us no shame

bythepowerof4 :( i don't see you so much as going to the school counsellor

bythepowerof4 that sounds weird nvm

nickatnightwalker well you got me there but as we've established im perfect so

bythepowerof4 lmao right!! you should go to counselling and counsel the counsellor

nickatnightwalker you think i could take that up as an extra curricular beef up my resume

bythepowerof4 oh for sure "browbeat a mental health professional into respecting my superior opinions" looks good to me

nickatnightwalker i dont have to browbeat anyone into knowing im right

nickatnightwalker are you like.  good though

bythepowerof4 oh of course!!!! my mistake

bythepowerof4 oh um. yeah like no but yeah everything's just a lot u know

nickatnightwalker it sounds like it shes not like, on you about itthough right

bythepowerof4 no she hasn't said anything which is worse

nickatnightwalker shes probably mortified wouldnt you be?

bythepowerof4 well. yeah i have some recent experience here actually so yeah i can imagine

bythepowerof4 shit

nickatnightwalker of what? bein?

bythepowerof4 yeah being drunk and dumb and um. misreading situations and friendship and liiiiiiiiike idk being fucking mortified it's this nvm idk arrgggghhhhhhghhhhhh

nickatnightwalker damn you had a busy summer huh

bythepowerof4 ://////// yeah kinda :/

nickatnightwalker which is part of whats going on with etsukoe? whyd i add an e

bythepowerof4 lol autocorrect always fucks with it its so annoying ok i guess it's maybe related to the degree that everything, as we've established, is related but i just had a uhhhhhh not so great time with my old friends

nickatnightwalker you were drunk and misread a situation

bythepowerof4 not the alien kind the people kind

nickatnightwalker were you the etsuko or teh clea

bythepowerof4 oh my god. i had, like, previously been the etsuko. but that was a while ago and not a big deal it just kinda came rushing back u know and then i realised she thinks im a freak and then i did freak in a full freak way cause my face kinda popped

nickatnightwalker what

bythepowerof4 hey do you have any problems we can talk about instead this is terrible

nickatnightwalker im very interested in what you mean by your face popping but ok

bythepowerof4 you know like the glamour its kinda like paper and im underneath very much not like paper and then pop! no more paperface no more old friends

nickatnightwalker oh fuck hopefully they were all trashed too and just think they were drunk?

bythepowerof4 all of them????? sharing the same weird drunk hallucination??????

bythepowerof4 that's like extreme sunnydale syndrome

nickatnightwalker but it's so weird i doubt theyd wanna discuss it because theyd be worry about sounding crazy

bythepowerof4 i guess they're still gonna think it it's still how they're gonna picture me

bythepowerof4 and apparently they already thought i freaked and had to like go "somewhere" which i guess is true but i feel weird having ppl think of me like that

nickatnightwalker just seeing you one weird brain glitchy time isnt gonna change what they think of forever and i mean you could like.  tell them you just transferred schools like, tell them the partial truth right?

bythepowerof4 i did idk i don't think she believes me or like she does but she still thinks i had a breakdown???? i just don't get it ok im very put together

nickatnightwalker youre more anxious than i am

bythepowerof4 what no im not pretend i put some sincerity exclamation marks there

nickatnightwalker yeah you can see how thats not convincing though right

bythepowerof4 the exclamation marks? those are very convincing also im not trying to be convincing bc it's just true. cause u like. Have anxiety right

nickatnightwalker what

nickatnightwalker no im anxious about living in a magic school where everything and everyone can kill me

bythepowerof4 oh i just you use the word anxious a lot that usually sorry :/

nickatnightwalker im like 85% sure you can be anxious without having anxiety

bythepowerof4 well yeah i just im sorry u seemed really like im gonna stop ok cool im very sorry

nickatnightwalker im interested in how deep a hole you were going to dig for yourself

bythepowerof4 im not we should really move on also you were the one saying it's perfectly believable that i would completely flip my shit so maybe i should be offended !!

nickatnightwalker point was you seem really stressed like a lot

nickatnightwalker youre kinda tightly wound clea like regardless of whatever i am you are kinda a little stressed all the time

bythepowerof4 ok well im not or like a little bit but i don't want people thinking of me like that so this also just sucks

nickatnightwalker yeah, it sucks for people to think youre nuts, but that's kind of how it is if youre even a little bit weird out there, isnt it

bythepowerof4 yeah. that is how it is but it's oddly enough not making me feel better :/ hey ok im just gonna put these issues away bc i don't like them and i have to deal with the main problem bc ai is bugging me oh my GOD

bythepowerof4 please don't go trying to talk to ppl on my behalf bc it is apparently really annoying

nickatnightwalker ai is bugging you cupcake girl? the plot thickens

bythepowerof4 she stopped its fine i shouldn't even have said that she's just looking out for ets cause she's a good pal and stuff there's just like a lot

nickatnightwalker whatd she think she was gonna do change your mind

bythepowerof4 no she just asked why im mad so she could report back and now im reporting back on her reporting back?? this is so high school i have a headache

nickatnightwalker where is the self awareness with these people holy shit

bythepowerof4 i don't knooooooow im freaking out i don't like it

nickatnightwalker wait why are you freaking out youre not mad at etsuko, anymore, right?  you can like.  talk to her instead youre not beholden to ai's nosy ass

bythepowerof4 yeah i can but not yet because im talking to u and daisy kinda and ai and she's talking to ai and it's a lot of talking and i actually really have a headache everything's all doubletriple

nickatnightwalker wanna talk about something else

bythepowerof4 yes please

nickatnightwalker uhhhh i took a fuckload of martial arts classes over the summer and can now reliably flip people so thats cool

bythepowerof4 oh what that's so cool!!!! is that who was in the back of some of ur pics?? like the class??

nickatnightwalker oh yeah and daisys ballet class is in some of them too

bythepowerof4 yeah i defs noticed that lmao i dunno if i said enough but that was nice like getting those idk i missed you and now we're all back and im making it all drama!! instead of all chill could u flip damian. hypothetically but also for demonstrations sake

nickatnightwalker yes and yes

nickatnightwalker the more important question is will i the answer to which is also yes dont feel bad about the drama it's actually really 100% not your fault

bythepowerof4 i know but telling you about it is on me lmao text me when you're gonna there's no way you can do that without me there ok

nickatnightwalker who says i cant do it multiple times and idont mind you telling me either everything's chill on my side so it's easier to sort of have perspective

bythepowerof4 if you do it multiple times i insist on being there for all of them sorry not sorry yeah. perspective is good. you're good at that

bythepowerof4 >:/

nickatnightwalker ill do it right the fuck now clea

bythepowerof4 omg really omg please

nickatnightwalker i would never lie about this

bythepowerof4 yes yesteryear you're so good i love u tell me where *yesyesyes lol let me be excited autocorrect!!!!!

nickatnightwalker i was wondering why you were talking like carolyn ok were in front of artume lets do this

bythepowerof4 yessssssssss ill be right there