#bc I feel close to finishing ALL of them
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✨WIP TAG GAME✨
Thank you so much @libellule-ao3 for the tag🫶🫶🫶 I LOVED reading your excerpt, your writing flows and reads beautifully. Like a classic♥️ and I really feel for Ominis…the vulnerability of not being able to navigate with his wand😔
I’m writing three things right now so I went a little overboard😅
Before it Felt Like a Sin, Chapter 26:
“I just…in my dreams, she’s showed me how to extract my memories. I thought I would try, see if I was successful, and then you showed up. And…I just don’t know how to talk about it. I don’t know how I could make you understand…All I’ve ever wanted - or thought I wanted…”
Standing up awkwardly, too quickly, Eloise started to walk towards the Pensieve. Sebastian stumbled after her, confused, not comprehending anything she was trying to tell him, and paused when he saw how her hands trembled as she lifted the vial with her memories. She faltered right as she was about to pour them in.
Now, instead of seeing the silvery liquid as something beautiful, Sebastian was looking at it with trepidation. He brought his hand up to the one holding the vial and gently ran his fingers across hers, lowering it slightly. Her hand was shaking - her whole body was trembling - and all he wanted to do was comfort her somehow.
“Eloise, are you sure…?”
She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath before nodding, giving him a significant look before turning back to the Pensieve. They poured her memories in together, watching silently as their golden hue mixed with the moonlight liquid already inside.
“I’m not sure this will work,” she breathed, moving across from Sebastian as they stared at each other. With an unspoken agreement, they both lowered their heads together and before he knew it, Sebastian was experiencing Eloise’s life.
Going into a memory was just as strange and uncomfortable an experience as it had been the first time.
Oneshot:
He slips a note to her during Charms.
Dust particles are swirling in the air, Professor Ronan is unusually dull, and the hot summer sun streaming through the windows is just another reminder that they are almost free. Almost done with Hogwarts, almost ready to start the next chapter of their lives and become who they were always meant to be. She can’t deny that she’s been terribly worried about what’s to come - she still is unsure what she wants to do after graduation, and feels her stomach drop whenever she hears the others talk excitedly about the opportunities they’ve lined up; the only constant in her life is the boy at her side who has been unusually patient with her.
And yet he still hasn’t made it clear to her that she is as important to him as he is her. Yes, he is carrying her bag from class to class, reading with her every nice afternoon by the Black Lake, showing her he cares with every gesture, but still:…she can’t be sure of how he feels. What if it is all perfunctory? She doesn’t want to be forgotten. She loves the little routines they’ve created for themselves, loves sitting by his side during classes, passing notes; she’s loved her short time at Hogwarts and doesn’t want to end it yet.
The note is one of many they’ve been sending back and forth throughout the course of this terribly boring theory class, but this time is different.
His hand is resting on top of the bench between the two of them, note underneath, and were she not so in-tune to his infuriatingly intoxicating presence, she wouldn’t have noticed it. He moves with the ease of someone who has been avoiding being caught for many years. And, in the hazy memories (or are they?) she has of her past with Sebastian, the notes the two of them have sent back and forth to each other have not always been so tame.
Surreptitiously, so as not to draw the attention of Professor Ronan (she does not want a scandal), the sound of her blood rushing in her ears as she thinks about what she’s about to do, she slowly slides her hand toward Sebastian’s - the one resting on top of his note. He starts moving his hand away - he’s learned by now to not play any games - but she’s faster.
It feels like all of her nerves are located in her fingers as she grazes the back of his freckled hand. She can feel him staring at her in surprise, but she doesn’t dare look up at him.
She continues.
Her fingers flutter over his, hesitating, until she gets up her nerve and laces her fingers through his, pressing their palms together. She hears his breath hitch and warmth pools to her stomach at the sound as she finally glances at him. He’s looking at her with the most dumbstruck expression on his face and…and her own must mirror his.
She flushes and looks away, but doesn’t remove her hand - all she can think about is the feeling of her heartbeat thrumming through her body (can he feel its nervous flutter?), how right the contact feels, and how has she not done this before? But, the nerves she feels are so intense and overwhelming and she doesn’t concentrate on Professor Ronan’s words for the rest of the lesson.
Sebastian sits, flushed, notes forgotten - even as he leans into the palm of his other hand, trying to look anywhere but at her, she can feel the intensity of his gaze every time his eyes swipe over to her and it's unbearable.
But the thought of letting go of him is even worse.
Leo and @the-ozzie Bea🫶:
He doesn’t remember the first time he actually noticed her presence, but he knows there must have been a time in his life before she was hanging around. There must have been a time before Leonard Babbit was tormented by Beatrice Bennett. He’s sure of it.
She’s really quite annoying.
Like now, for example.
They’re supposed to be working on their arithmancy project. Leo bemoans the fact that they were partnered up - he’s always preferred to do all the work himself, but their professor was immune to his protests and insisted they work together.
This is how he finds himself tucked away in a quiet corner of the library with Bea, specifically chosen because it’s away from the noises of the other students: their distracting murmurs, the rough scratching of quills, the rustling of pages, the occasional outburst of quickly muffled laughter. Bea knows that he gets distracted easily, and yet there she is, twirling her quill in her fingers and letting the ink drip all over her notes, effectively destroying them.

NO PRESSURE TAGS (but I would love to read any wips if you have any to share🫶) @sloanesallow @anomalyaly @superconductivebean @kay9leo @okeydokeylackey @sav-less @writing-intheundercroft @rambling-tam @spookybriecheese @newdreamlove95 @bookie-bookdust @morelikeravenbore @whizzing-fizzbee and anyone else who might want to share!!!!♥️ I am always so bad at remembering off the top of my head😓
#hopefully this helps motivate me for the final stretch#bc I feel close to finishing ALL of them#but I don’t want to force things bc then the writing always seems strange to me#the Leo oneshot is the most niche thing ever but I really like it so far🤭 he and bea are SO CUTE !!!!#hogwarts legacy#hphl#hogwarts legacy mc#hogwarts legacy oc#eloise babbit#sebastian sallow#sebastian sallow x mc#hogwarts legacy fanfic#I feel like my writing’s a one trick pony sometimes but I have a lot#of fun with it♥️
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been thinking about them lately ok
#lots of doodles ok these arent even close to finished and never will be#dhmis humanizations#dhmis duck#dhmis yellow guy#dhmis red guy#dhmis#anyways. i think rgs crush on duck is insaene in general i think its WORSE WHEN THEYRE HUMAN#i also think its really fucking funny#obsessed with this tiny balding little man who is Mean To Me#hes like a kid who would get bullied in high school to me#like idk. theyre da same to me in human au. which i suppose this is an au even tho im just trying to translate them as closely as i can#in my heart theyre still in the pink house#this is not like the apartments au to me at all. so to me the dynamic is still the same#and for those of u who dont remember that dynamic is RG being down bad for duck bc he WEIRDLY is godbless. but also insanely evasive and sh#and duck does not act like anything is happening between them but also in his head theyve been married for 30 years. but its obvious to him#so he doesnt feel the need to say anything duh.#and if he ever brought it up it would be a best friend debate again#'you think IM your husband?!?!' of course you are !! :] 'IM NOT. YOUR HUSBAND !! YOU DONT HAVE A HUSBAND!!'
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Had to draw that scene from Just Want You Close to Me (too close TOO CLOSE) by @therantingsage, bc mind meld fics were something I used to adore and I haven't read a good one in ages!!! (PLEASE check it out so there are more ppl for me to scream abt this with)
#in stars and time#isat#siffrin isat#isat siffrin#drew the last page like a couple weeks later bc I felt odd not finishing the scene#like why Didn’t I make them scream in the hate what the heck#all the build up but no hat scream??#too close au#the others are technically here but im not tagging them bc i didnt draw them#just feels Wrong#kdkffn#isat fanart#isat au#in stars and time siffrin#siffrin in stars and time#isat fanfic#yellow's art
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Hobie1610 pt. 3
part 3 has finally arrived!!! at a faster rate than part 2 but a bit of a wait nonetheless lol
not entirely sure how long this lil story will go on for but hope y'all are enjoying this ride regardless, whether it ends on the next part or in 3 more chapters ldfjkdhf
in this installment: thrilling action, a high stakes chase, and we get to learn more abt our beloved hobie jones! yippee!
>pt. 1 here<
>pt. 2 here<
>pt. 4 here<
♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧♤♧
By some miracle, Hobie did not mention the suit to Miles once they started texting semi-regularly.
Unfortunately, they also couldn't really make their lunch date (date? God, get it together, Morales. It is not a date…) as soon as Miles would have liked, due to a million different things getting in the way of them setting a solid day aside to chill together.
Just his luck, of course.
But in the hallways, Hobie actually deigned to give Miles a passing smile every now and then. They didn’t ever get to hang out like they did for those precious few moments on the first day of school, but Miles didn’t feel the crushing weight of guilt every time he saw Hobie in his same classroom anymore. What a relief!
So Miles was mostly okay with how things were going anyhow, even if the hangout ended up falling through and they both decided not to go in the end. He was able to patrol and do his homework in blissful peace for the first time in months.
… Kind of.
That look on Hobie’s handsome face as he looked down past Miles’ coat collar though…
That still ate away at an anxious part of Miles’ brain whenever he had the time to sit down and really let his worries manifest.
No time to think about that now, though. Miles was suited up again on a school night, hoping to get at least an hour’s worth of patrolling in before security at Visions noticed he was absent from his dorm room. He hoped Ganke would be able to cover for him like he always did.
It was yet another cold evening out in New York City, and Miles was steadily covering the edges of Brooklyn, heading towards Manhattan to do a quick sweep through Central Park like he did on occasion. There was always something going on in Manhattan, especially during the evening.
Miles decided it wouldn’t hurt to take a quick peek before calling it a night and heading back to Visions.
So away he went-- now fully in his Spiderman element-- vaulting and soaring over buildings, showing off every now and then by doing silly flips and tricks mid-air for the opportunistic New Yorkers looking to snap their Spiderman Sighting of the day. A little social media promo never hurt anyone, after all…
Spiderman finally swung down onto a tree branch on the western side of the park from a street lamp and was just about to lower himself down as inconspicuously as he could, before immediately feeling the tingling electricity of his Spider Senses race up and down his spine, giving him the usual headache along with it.
He crouched down quietly on a branch and watched as a familiar lanky figure streaked across the path underneath him onto the grass and beyond.
Whoever this runner was, he was fast. And hot on his trail was a gang of burly bumbling assholes cursing up a blue streak as they gave chase.
Spiderman’s eyes stayed glued to the fast runner like they were a lifeline. His senses honed in on the person and he erupted out of the leaves of the tree with one mighty leap, sailing through the air to shoot a web out and swing his way on over to the excitement.
Several joggers, people walking dogs after work, and mothers with baby carriages exclaimed and shouted as they were barreled into by the gang of men trying to keep up with their moving target. The runner didn’t seem to be giving up, though, as their long legs sent them flying over bushes and rocks and lounging people as gracefully as a ribbon in the air.
It was indeed getting dark soon again, but the darkness didn’t really affect Spiderman’s senses at all. His mask helped him fine-tune his powerful vision and anticipate the runner’s next moves.
It looked as though they were trying to make their way up towards the Great Lawn from Cedar Hill, but whether the person was planning to make a break for the now-empty Delacorte Theatre or the Metropolitan Museum Of Art… or beyond? That was the million dollar question.
Spiderman didn’t want to lose the person in case they happened to just be a petty thief, since that would be a quick and easy problem to fix. But as he silently chased down the runner alongside (and unbeknownst) to the gang, his suspicions gave way to some other... ideas.
Namely, that the runner seemed young, a bit too young for someone to be pissing off this many fully-grown gang members.
He pushed through his confusion and made a break for the theatre the second he guessed that the runner was pivoting in that direction.
The trees were getting thicker the closer they got to the Belvedere Castle and Spiderman eventually resorted himself to hoofing it, mindful of sticking to the shadows of the foliage that surrounded them on all sides.
He was super grateful now more than ever that his suit happened to be his signature sleek black and red, rather than the tacky and hyper-visible reds and blues of many of his Spider counterparts (sorry Peter!)
Once he confirmed that the suspicious target was indeed planning on hiding in the bleachers of the massive amphitheatre, he shot up a web to hoist himself into the infrastructure from the tall stadium lights. From there, he positioned himself a bit closer to the fray, hearing the loud and heavy boots of the gang following the runner, not far behind.
Then, he squinted into the dusk as he watched one of the entrances from his perch up high... and almost choked on his own saliva!
In comes none other than Hobie Motherfucking Jones, streaking down several steps like a shooting star, clutching onto… something tucked under one of his arms. He was breathless, panting loudly, and heading straight for the Belvedere Lake.
Upon hearing the heavy bootfalls get ever closer with every passing second, it seemed that Hobie got the idea to attempt a last-minute juke by throwing himself underneath the stairs that faced the lake, tucking himself as tightly as he could under the massive stage at the center.
Spiderman watched all of this happening with wide eyes, holding his own breath in. He prayed that the ugly thugs didn’t see Hobie’s sneaky last-second move, but climbed up high onto the stadium lights and prepared to swing down anyhow, just in case.
What was Hobie even doing here, out at this hour? And what the hell did he manage to steal that was so important to these men anyways? It was quite a chase they were caught up in, running nearly two entire miles all the way up to the amphitheatre just to catch him, and that was only from what he could see when he swung into action.
The group split up and pulled out flashlights, determinedly searching the bleachers and corners as best they could while the sky rapidly darkened above them.
From right below the webbed crime-fighter, Hobie poked his head out from the shadows and took a peek.
No, no, duck back down! Spiderman wanted to shout, but he couldn’t.
No one knew he had followed them and he was safe high above the action where he balanced himself on the metal bars that housed the bulbs. His muscles tensed as the bright beam of light from one guy’s flashlight swept a little too close to Hobie’s head. Damnit.
Spiderman couldn’t just sit there all day! He had a friend to save, stolen item be damned!
He rechecked his web shooters furtively and took aim.
He set his sights on another stadium light pole across from the stage, figuring that if he was quick and agile enough, he could time his swing well enough to scoop Hobie up from where he was hidden and avoid any detection. Hopefully.
Seemed like a solid enough plan though, until Hobie just. Shot out from his hiding place all of a sudden, the heels of his boots rapping loudly against the cement and echoing all around the stage as he made a beeline for the lakefront.
Shit!!!
Miles wanted to kill him. Those guys didn’t even suspect he was hiding where we was in the first place!
... Okay, plan B!
Spiderman’s brain whirred at breakneck speeds as he watched the thugs exclaim loudly and give chase yet again, this time much closer to Hobie than they ever were before.
Without thinking, he swung down from his perch and bowled over a couple of men in his haste to simply just… grab Hobie like a damsel in distress and fireman-carry him back around the gang to get a good line of web onto a nearby pole.
The men all cursed and shouted in surprise of course, flashlight beams waving around everywhere.
One of them even yelled, “what the hell was that?!” like a character in one of his dad’s favorite cheesy slasher movies.
Spiderman was too fast for them, a black blur simply whizzing by as he grabbed Hobie and hoisted the both of them up into the air with a mighty leap. Hobie yelped in surprise, grunting from the effort, and seemed to let whatever he stole slip out of his hands which then clattered loudly onto the ground below.

The thugs rejoiced then, shaking fists at Hobie and his rescuer as they flew up to the top of a tree and detached themselves so they could fall onto the stadium light opposite from Spiderman’s initial hiding spot.
Spiderman didn’t stop until he attached another web up to the lights and dangled there for a bit. Adrenaline still coursed through his veins as he shifted Hobie off of his shoulders and let him slide slowly onto his side, his friend’s wiry arms clutching him tightly.
They both watched with rapt attention at the goings-on several feet below them.
The thugs congregated around the fallen item, picking it up and turning it this way and that. It looked like a briefcase, though with the low lighting it really could’ve been anything. It was only when one of them-- the biggest and burliest of them all-- shouted out another colorful swear word that Hobie then seemed to come back to himself again.
He squeezed Spiderman’s shoulders with his arms and kicked at him. They swung a bit from the wiggling.
“Ouch!” Spiderman hissed, as quietly as he could. He was hoping the dark dusk would conceal their position now as long as they made No Noises, but even that wasn’t guaranteed.
“Go, go, go, go, man! Let’s get out of here!!” Hobie hissed right back into his ear, his face mere centimeters away from Spiderman’s mask.
Spiderman stubbornly ignored the heat radiating out from his face at that realization and jerked this way and that, looking for an easy escape from their conundrum.
Flashlight beams danced around the ground before finally swinging up to the trees and catching sight of a pair of shoes dangling in the sky.
The biggest and meanest one of the bunch pulled something out of his pocket and took aim.
Bullet! Spiderman’s senses screamed into his cerebellum.
“Goddamn,” he huffed ruefully as the shots rang out. Hobie panicked. “Bullets for us? That’s a little harsh, isn’t it?”
Hobie clung onto his hero for dear life. “Brother, if you do not get a move on from here, we are both gonna get turned into fish filets!” He shouted into Spiderman’s ear.
“Ow. Okay,” Spiderman grumbled, sticking himself to the side of the pole they dangled from and readjusting Hobie so that he clung onto his back instead.
He took a deep breath and narrowly dodged a bullet that whizzed unnervingly close to their heads. Hobie yelled again.
“Okay, okay, okay,” Spiderman began, speaking quickly. “Hold on, okay? Hold on tight. Just hold on and do not let me go for even a second!”
“On it!” Hobie shouted back, legs kicking a bit before wrapping themselves tightly around Spiderman’s torso.
They both took a breath and then Spiderman jumped, gaining some air before twin webs erupted from his web shooters-- aimed directly towards the seating area entrance.
Together, he and Hobie rocketed from their airborne position towards their escape route once the fluids connected to solid architecture. To his credit, Hobie only whimpered a little bit through the ride.
The thugs had no chance! They stumbled on tired, aching legs towards the very door the two teens had left out of, complaining and cursing some more as they searched through the steps and made their way out onto the theatre’s general admission and concessions area.
They searched and searched through the bushes and trees, going so far as to even check the sculptures near the structure.
After several tense moments of gruff shouting back-and-forth, the search eventually died down until only a couple of the men were left sweeping the area once more. The others had already given up their fruitless endeavor and called it a night.
“Fucking kids, man. What the hell,” Spiderman heard one of them grumble before kicking at the Romeo and Juliet statue angrily and following the rest of his cohorts down the path towards the Great Lawn again.
Hobie and Spiderman let out matching sighs of relief then, happy to have given the men the slip by managing to hide behind the giant 3D Delacorte Theatre sign right above the box offices. Lucky for them, most people don’t think to search behind lit-up signs, so they went completely undetected.
“… Wanna let me know what you were doing here this whole time? You could’ve gotten killed!” Spiderman breathed. He wanted his tone to be sharper, more authoritative… but he was just so glad to see his new friend still in one piece instead of riddled with more holes than a chunk of swiss cheese!
Hobie scoffed, tucking a loc behind his ear and sitting back. Thanks to the lighting of the sign and the other park lights in the area, Spiderman could see him digging around in his coat pocket and fishing out-- a USB drive?
Hobie held it up triumphantly, sleepy down-turned eyes glistening with pride.
“I got it! Suckers! Screw them by the way, I’m not the thief, if that’s what you’re wondering,”
Well. He was sneaky, alright. Spiderman had to hand that to him, at the very least.
He sat back on his heels as well and exhaled. “Fine. I believe you. What’s on that drive?”
Hobie squinted at him then, really giving him a good once-over now that the excitement had officially died down. “…Damn. You’re Spiderman,”
“Yeah, yeah. Hey, hi, nice to meet you, I’m your friendly neighborhood Sp-- ugh, seriously man, just tell me what all of that was back there or else I’m webbing you up and calling the cops.”
“Hey!” Hobie objected. “Like I said already, I’m the good guy here. I snagged this from those guys because I caught them snoopin’ around the museum over that way. I followed them and found out they were stealing this!”
Spiderman bobbed his head. “Okay? And what’s on it?”
Hobie turned the drive over a bit in his hands, admiring it. “Most likely? Security codes, schedules, maps. I’ve been uh… investigating those dudes for a while after watching them sniff around the museum for a few days now. It looks like they were just art thieves plannin' a heist, so I jumped on the opportunity to deliver justice myself.”
Hobie’s mischievous grin was met by Spiderman’s disapproving stare.

“And why didn’t you just call security and let them know? Like I said, super dangerous thing you did back there! If I wasn’t there to save you, you could’ve died, man.”
Hobie pocketed his USB drive again and rolled his eyes. “Y’know, for a vigilante hero with cool superpowers, you sure are a square.”
Spiderman sat up and placed a hand on his chest, feigning hurt. “Oof, ow. That’s mean,”
“Yeah, it is, but you know I’m right. If a kid like me walked up to some cops and tried to warn them of a possible art heist, you just know those pricks’ll laugh in my face and do literally nothing about it. I had to take matters into my own hands!” Hobie jutted his chin out defiantly.
Well. Couldn't really argue with that, especially considering PDNY’s less-than-stellar track record of taking preventative measures most times. All that they would most likely do is nod along to whatever Hobie was telling them and chuckle, shaking their heads as they walk away. Not their problem.
Spiderman rubbed his chin. “Point taken," he conceded. "So what’s your plan now?”
Hobie glanced around, as if he was checking for any eavesdroppers. “I’m gonna submit some photos to a journalist I met online before turning this in back to the museum. The journalist’ll help get those guys behind bars once a story's published and some actual adults talk to the cops. I am going to go collect my reward,”
Spiderman blinked. He had a bunch of questions swimming in his head, but the first question out of his mouth was, “what reward?”
“The reward for turning in precious security info, genius!” Hobie tapped at his forehead with a finger and grinned. “If I get to negotiate with them, I can get some money to save up and-- uh. Nevermind. Listen, are you gonna rat me out or not?”
Miles’ brow creased behind his mask. “… I don’t think I will. Sounds like you’re doing the right thing… mostly.”
Hobie cheered silently. “Yes! Okay, I take it back, Spidey. You are cool!”
Spiderman sighed. “But first, I need to know you’re gonna be safe. Like, actually, and that you’re not gonna get followed home.”
Hobie shrugged nonchalantly and pushed more locs out of his face again. “Yeah, you can walk me home if you want,”
“No, that’s not what I mean. I mean, that’s not the only thing I mean. I need you to promise me that you’re not gonna get into stupid stunts like this again. That was so dangerous and you really could’ve gotten hurt!”
Hobie exhaled as well. He stared intensely into the mask’s giant white lenses for a beat, making Spiderman shift uncomfortably.
Then, he held up his pinkie. “… Fine. I won’t do stupid shit like this again. I promise.”
Spiderman blinked a few more times and hooked his pinkie onto Hobie’s. “Uh. Okay, cool! Cool, that’s what I wanna hear, considering keeping New Yorkers safe is my job! I just wanna see you safe, that’s all. No more art heists, you gotta leave that to the professionals to handle,”
“What, professionals like you? You might’ve not even gotten to them in time before they snuck off with like millions of dollars worth of art, bro.”
“Anyone ever tell you you are just so mean? Dontcha have a little faith in me? The ‘vigilante hero with cool superpowers’?” Spiderman shot back.
They both laughed.
“Seriously, though. I do appreciate the fact that you saved my ass back there,” Hobie admitted, eyes cast downwards for a second. “I was actually gonna throw this thing into the lake and hope this drive got eaten by like… a fish or something.”
“And what about you?” Spiderman smiled despite himself.
“Well,” Hobie shrugged. “If I died, I died. I guess,”
It was Spiderman’s turn to scoff now. “You have a family, man. Don’t be ridiculous. You have friends and family that would miss you!”
Hobie’s expression turned dark, his entire face shadowing for a second before being replaced by cool detached nonchalance. A slight hint of annoyance stayed put underneath.
“… My family’s barely my family. I don’t have any friends, either. Don't worry about me.” Hobie admitted in a clipped tone. He stood up abruptly and started doing some casual stretches.
Spiderman stood up as well, knowing fully well how this song and dance was going to go.
He would never admit it out loud, but he’d seen his fair share of self-destructive citizens throwing themselves into the middle of danger in the short time he’d been doing this whole vigilante thing. He had talked many a melancholy or manic person from tossing themselves off of multiple different buildings, different bridges, stopped them from “falling” onto train tracks.
And as loath as he is to admit it, this Hobie’s particular brand of cool detachment was entirely too familiar to him as well.
A flash of his uncle Aaron’s face lit up a part of his brain that he hadn’t really allowed himself to acknowledge since that fateful day. He quickly stamped that out.
He cleared his throat and rubbed at his neck. “… Well. That sounds pretty depressing, man.”
He didn’t notice Hobie’s shoulders hitch at that phrase.
“But,” Spiderman continued, “You got people out here who care about you, even if you don’t know it. You’re still so young, you could be ending your life before you even meet, like, your favoritest person in the whole world, right? So just do me a quick favor, take care of yourself. For me. Live long enough to meet your favorite person, alright?”
Spiderman put on his best comforting expression that he could despite the mask most likely getting in the way of Hobie fully seeing it. He hoped his words were enough to convince him not to dive off the deep end, at least not anytime soon.
It seemed to work at least a little bit, because Hobie looked back at him with a much warmer-- albeit hesitant-- expression.
“Can I ask you something?” Hobie finally said after a few moments of silence.
“Uh, sure.” Spiderman replied.
“Do you know about a kid named Miles Morales at all?”
The air was sucked out of Spiderman’s lungs right then as he floundered like a fish for a minute, brain working into overdrive to make his answer sound both intelligent and convincing.
“U-uh, maaaybeee? I dunno, I meet a lot of New Yorkers everyday and I don’t get many names, yanno? S-sounds familiar, but sorr--”
“I knew it,” Hobie exhaled a laugh and surged forward to embrace Spiderman with both arms.
Spiderman stood frozen in his place, arms held in mid-air as he worked to process this.
“Uh. What--”
Spiderman felt Hobie’s chin dig into the side of his cheek a little as he turned his lips to his ear. “Your secret’s safe with me, by the way. I’m not telling anyone,”
Miles felt his whole world turn on its axis before shattering completely.
Oh no, no, no, no, no! Goddamnit!
Miles pushed Hobie off and stepped back, holding his hands up. “Oh hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. I dunno what you’re thinking or who you think I am, but--!”
Hobie sighed loudly. “Miles, I saw your suit.��
The world screeched to a halt.
Hobie picked his gaze back up off of his feet and even seemed apologetic, almost. “I, uhm. Like, back on the roof. At Visions. I wasn’t… a hundred percent sure I saw it, since it could’ve been any logo at all, but. Well, you’re a pretty bad liar too, y’know that, right?”
Miles sucked in a slightly shaky breath, gulping loudly. “Uh. W-well,”
Hobie smiled shyly. “You, uh… you’re like around the same height as Miles Morales, anyways. And you sure sound a lot like him, too.”
Damn. Damn it all.
Miles spun this way and that, placing his hands atop his head as he panicked slightly. “H-Hobie, you cannot tell anyone else about this, whatsoever. Do you understand? No one. At all. Or we’re both dead!”
Hobie held his hands up, lines creasing in his face. “Look bro, you’ve got secrets of mine too. We pinkie promised, remember? I don’t break promises.”
Miles didn’t point out that the promise was so that Hobie would stop getting himself into stupidly dangerous situations, but he accepted it anyways, albeit reluctantly.
“D-do… do you actually, like actually promise me you’ll never breathe a word about this to anyone? Ever? At all?”
Hobie held up his right hand into the air, as if taking an oath. “I, MJ, solemnly swear to never breathe a single word to anyone about your super secret identity, so help me god.”
Miles planted his fists on his hip and shook his head. “Oh my god,” he exhales on a shaky laugh.
“Don’t you believe me? What would I have to gain by selling you out? Oh,” Hobie stops suddenly, perking up. “We could even work together! I got me my sweet camera and my extensive connects, man. Think about it!”
“No, no. Hobie. Stop that, man. I’m not putting you into any danger after I just saved your skinny butt. Spiderman doesn’t do sidekicks anyways,”
Hobie looked a bit put out, but shrugged anyways. “Well, I mean… think about it sometime. We could seriously take down criminal activity around here, if you’re down! And, uh. You do have my number,”
Miles looked up and took a deep breath. “Mmnyes, I do. I do have your number. That’s… I mean you’re not wrong about that. Listen, I think it’s getting pretty late and we should both be heading back home now, though.”
The corners of Hobie’s mouth curled up mischievously. “True, true. It is a school night, after all.”
Miles couldn’t stop grinning despite the heavy anvil that threatened to burst out of his chest. “Yep, yes it is! Okay, time to get you home now. C’mon, let’s go.”
Miles moved to step into Hobie’s space and carry him on his back again so he could lower the both of them down from the lip of the theatre roof.
But before that happened, he felt Hobie place a cold but strong hand on his shoulder, stopping him.
Miles looked up inquisitively and felt his breath catch in his throat as he felt those same hands slowly slide up the smooth spandex of his suit, up his shoulders, and then they stopped at his neck, at the seam of where his suit and mask met.
The entire thing probably only took a few seconds to do, but to Miles it felt like eons passed as he felt every single muscle twitch and the pulse beating underneath Hobie’s skin while he ran those fingers up his arms.
He was standing so close to him! Oh god!
The entire ordeal was unbearably intimate, and Miles could barely stop the shudder that wracked his body suddenly.
Hobie’s soft lips were slightly parted, the lighting of the sign next to them caught in the dark brown portals that were his eyes.
“U-uhm. Sorry, this is weird...” he mumbled quietly. But his hands didn't move.
All around them, crickets started their soothing chorus.
Here they were, right behind the giant lettering of the Delacorte Theatre, intertwined in each other’s arms on a cold night-- and Miles’ core body temperature has never felt hotter before. He felt like he could melt steel, the way this night was going. He didn’t know when his hands raised to grasp onto Hobie’s arms, but they must’ve done it of their own accord because Miles then felt himself squeezing softly onto Hobie’s biceps.
Slowly, painstakingly, and carefully… Hobie made his move.
Every centimeter of the mask being pushed up was accompanied by a soft look that asked-- no, it begged-- for permission to continue. His hands seemed to move on their own eventually, as he slid the mask up over the back of Miles' head and then eased it up off of his nose.
Hobie wore a soft look of determination then, that fully came into view again once Miles felt his mask slide right up off of his eyes. Hobie’s soft hands eventually fell away, mask in one hand, no sounds in the air except for the wildlife of the park starting to wake now that the night has officially fallen.
Miles wasn’t sure why he did, but he held his breath.
After a few seconds of appraising gazes from each other, pupils meeting pupils, exchanging a million words a second with just a few looks… Hobie grinned beautifully.
“Damn. There you are,”
Miles felt a plume of heat erupt from his gut and rush up to his face. “Uh. Hm, y-yep. Here I am,” he blinked back at Hobie with his big brown eyes.
Hobie had a look of pure joy on his face before it started to melt away suddenly. “You know… I should backstab you for abandoning me out of nowhere that one time, though… I really should...”
The moment collapsed like an undone web, a delicate thing now completely destroyed as Miles leaped up in indignation.
“Hobie!”
Hobie stepped back and laughed loudly. “Re-lax! I’m not gonna actually do it. But. Y’know.”
“And if you do, I’ll leave you webbed up to that billboard near Visions,” Miles threatened, mostly light-heartedly.
“Psshh, and then get my mom’s two million lawyers on your ass? Good luck,”
“As if they could ever catch me! I’m Spiderman!”
Just as easily as they had stepped out of being just kids for a moment, they stepped right back into it, bickering like they'd been friends since forever.
Miles lowered the both of them from the sign and they headed towards the eastern side of the park, making their way over to Hunter’s Gate. They bickered and bantered back and forth the entire way there, and it was only once they made it to the outer gates of the park that Miles stopped them both.
With his mask back on and other New Yorkers now milling nearby, Miles made it a point to lower his voice as he turned to Hobie and puffed his chest out heroically.
“So, random citizen. Where are we off to today? I told you I’d take you back home safely, and that’s what I’m gonna do.”
“’Cause you promised, right?” Hobie smirked, tucking his hands into his coat pockets.
“Uhm. Yeah, yeah. I did. So, lead the way!” Spiderman made a grand ushering gesture, and Hobie chuckled good-naturedly as he stepped aside and exited Central Park.
“You gonna walk me home, Spiderman?” Hobie threw him a side-long glance.
“Yyyeah…? Why? You’d rather swing home?”
“I liked swinging, actually. Yeah,” Hobie stopped where he was on the sidewalk and nodded with an air of finality. “Yeah… let’s swing!”
Spiderman felt his heart do a few somersaults in his chest before he gestured towards his shoulders. Hobie quickly assumed the position, long lanky arms wrapping around him and leaning his body weight against Spiderman’s side.
Spiderman shot up a web to a nearby street lamp and gave his friend one more glance.
“You sure?” He asked again, really making sure that Hobie was okay with this. Not many people really liked swinging, which was understandable. Even Miles wasn't the biggest fan of it at times.
Hobie chuckled and ignored the onlookers as they slowly ambled past the two, throwing the teens questioning glances as they made their way past them.
“Yeah, I am! Let’s go,”
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Miles: Do you actually actually really like on your LIFE promise that you’re not ginna tell a soul about… well…
Miles: gonna*
MJ: Yes, Miles. I PROMISE [eyeroll emoji]
Miles: I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE
MJ: Do you actually, though? ;)
Miles: No. But I can find out… I got connects
MJ: Uh huh. I’ll tell your “connects” that if you don’t take me out on that promised lunch date, our friendly neighborhood Spiderman just might be the next trending topic on ALL social media apps again very soon……..
Miles: Oh my god. You are Evil. I can’t believe this. My next arch nemesis… damn
Miles: What a killer plot twist. The greatest foe I have yet to face happens to be none other than one of my very own classmates
Miles: It be ya own people
From his family’s Lower Manhattan penthouse, Hobie laughs out loud as he reads the text messages, ignoring all of the curious glances thrown his way by various members of his team.
From Miles’ own humble dorm room at Visions, he laughs aloud as well.
#spiderverse#clown horn#miles morales#hobie brown#<- well i mean not really but yall know what i mean#hope u guys enjoyed this lil installment! <3#i tried to make the action as entertaining as possible but y'all must know.... that it really is my weak spot so if you guys read all that#and went 'huh'#well then.... Understandable Have A Nice Day!#but listen mj is more often than not a total bamf in the comics and so to make 1610's mj not nearly as cool#esp when this is HOBIE we're talkin abt here... that would be criminal. so i did what i had to do#and i'm trying to like uuhhhh not do an Exposition Dump on hobie jones' character all at once#just sorta drip feeding y'all his backstory before we Get Into It ya feel me#also @ everyone leaving nice comments so far. I LOV YOU :) <3#thank u!#sorry abt the messy ass art on this chapter. i rushed it as i'm sure y'all can tell#they also dont match up 1:1 on the story bc i did the sketches initially before i wrote all this#just as concept art before sitting down to write so i meannnn! but! they came out p close to the finished product#so i was like 'ok close enough lets just ink it and be done'#hope yall still like them anyhow LOL oops#anyways..... i gotta quit my yappin'#see yall on the next one <3#punkflower#← almost forgot to tag oof#mi writing
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DID I JUST READ THAT YOU'RE GOING TO WRITE A CAITVI FIC omg one of my favorite byler writers (i've been out of ST fandom for like over a year now but i still reread some of my favorite fics occasionally) finally getting into Arcane and writing caitvi is the best news for me. I love my girls so much and the world always needs more beautiful caitvi stories from talented writers. Sorry i just got excited lmao
tentative yes! i’m wary of talking about my wips or ideas too much as of late since i’ve Just dug myself out of a creative rut and telling people my ideas is generally the best way to ensure i never actually write them lol. but i’m really enjoying the challenge of new characters and dynamics and i love the little concept i’ve come up with so i’m really hoping to see this through! here’s a little teaser, i give you all permission to clobber me over the head if this one ends up in the wip graveyard 🫡

#that is so sweet of you anon thank you for your support <3#fun fact the minute i finished the s1 finale i opened google docs and wrote 1k of caitlyn angst#then woke up the next morning realized it was terrible and scrapped it#but. they just make me insane both as individual characters and also together#my main struggle rn is prioritizing acswy 10.2 bc i am so close to the home stretch and finally feeling really inspired about it again#but simultaneously i’ve been pushing away other ideas for months and saying i’d circle back to them so i can focus on acswy and#all that happens is i can’t write acswy bc im thinking of the other ideas#and i never circle around to them which just makes me frustrated about not writing even though i have so many ideas and actual motivation#so i am just trying to knock this out asap while working on acswy in parallel and hoping it works lol#/ask#caitvi
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I'm gonna bully Lif again
I'll admit, some of these answers don't cover all the bases, but. What are we thinking, here. What is The Truth behind The Twink Death? 🤨🎤
I will also be accepting write-in responses as usual 🫡
#fire emblem#feh#fe lif#fe alfonse#one answer i refuse to put on here just bc of how badly i think it would squeue results:#has exclusive access to bruno's workout routine#BUT I FEEL LIKE. IF I PUT THAT AS AN OPTION. EVERYONE WOULD PICK IT. I WOULD PICK IT IN A HEARTBEAT#some of my own notes: changing up the body modification option to be more vague#BUT. some thoughts were 'via surgery/magic' and specifying he sought it out himself#i just simplified it to look better on the poll. but the IDEA here. ESPP in the same vein as the insoles#i cannot remember where. but i feel like it's canon that alfonse has a degree of body dysmorphia?#or at very least has some insecurity about it. not being as tall as gustav/bruno (sir. you are allegedly 5'11.)#and not being as muscular as them either. i swear to god i'm not just making this up. it has to exist in SOME obscure line somewhere#or i just hallucinated that. but then again i found out one of my long-standing hcs actually had a basis IN canon#i just. forgor. so. anything is possible 💪💪💪 (this one was about alfonse/sharena/bruno being childhood friends)#badly wanted to make another undead joke but now i'm paranoid that i'm spreading misinfo#like i think The Lore is that lif and theasir were sole survivors. technically not rezzed. but like.... gah#i do gotta finish my book 3 replay. i promise i will. i'm SO close (has to do book 2 quotes first)#still the embalming accident option no elaboration is just too funny to me. cannot pass it up#ALSO. ALSO. the veggies/milk option. is mostly a joke but goes back to my hcs about#alfonse being scrawny as a kid up until he joins the order. actually starts to fill out more#when he feels inexplicably more secure. also sharena helping any way she can.#LIKE. ALL OF THESE ARE SILLY. but a lot of them have internal lore reasons. varying degrees of actual canonness#i also want each option to be compelling in some way. like what does this say about him#or what happened to him. just. in general.#THERE'S. KINDA NO GREATER PURPOSE TO THIS BTW. kinda.#it's just that whenever i think anything even vaguely related to book 3 i get the UNFATHOMABLY PROFOUND URGE#to stick a kick me note on lif's back and wait.#it's either that or just blackout horny. no in between. also the grief. i need to kill him again.
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oh but now it is all grief
#ok basically yesterday i talked to someone i haven’t seen in over a year#we used to be super super close and things ended in an insane dramatic way#and nothings felt real since#but it went well and we talked a ton#and like also talked about loose ends of our d&d campaign for almost 3 hours#(& like sort of finished the story which i’d also done with the other party members. it doesn’t feel over over bc i need to talk to them#also again)#but it felt like an ending and i haven’t been able to cry about anything bc it was too hard#and now it is grief and feels bittersweet#and i miss being friends and it’s hard that i will never have them again like i once did#also end of month is moms death anniversary#& next month is one year of massive falling out with a different friend who did some fucked up stuff#i’m trying to cling to everyone i have left and it’s like. one day this will all change too
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I don't hate my job or anything, but man, being a float educator is so fucking thankless
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just finished Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney, and it is a game written by cowards for cowards.
the final twist genuinely ruins the game. it's so stupid as a narrative decision. i hate it so much. it almost makes me understand what the people yelling about The Last Jedi being too subservient to its themes were yelling about (OBVIOUSLY not the ones that were being bigoted and loud and wrong about it, but just the ones who had actual issues with its narrative directions/execution). genuinely, the twist takes what could have been an extremely solid 8.5, maybe a 9/10 game down to a 4/10 game with nothing of interest to say deluding itself into thinking it's saying anything of worth by thoughtlessly repeating patterns as if that's supposed to generate meaning without any real effort of actually committing to that meaning, or seeing the world as anything beyond its basic binary worldview of Good and Bad.
putting that twist in fundamentally cuts the legs out from any actual, interesting and substantive critique it could have leveled at the legal system and our feelings about people on trial and their perceived guilt or innocence, and it just ends up reinforcing it as a power of good that Will Ultimately Prevail In The Search For Truth, as if that is even remotely a thing any legal system is concerned with, especially the one in the game that mostly just stumbles into The Right Choices because it's a game controlled by the player. it's frankly ideologically incoherent to the point of saying nothing because its critique is unfocused and toothless. best it can muster is "maybe some people are corrupt and lying, but if You take Advantage of The System, you can beat them" as if malicious compliance is supposed to change the system. fuck off.
ran out of tags but. i'm serious about this lol, i really hate it as a narrative and ideological choice. the game threatens to say something bold and interesting and then just pulls the rug out from underneath you. it sucks. it's very much like 12 Angry Men in that way, i think, except at least that movie Knows what it's saying and that its basic premise is its ideological downfall, this just doesn't really feel like it says anything much interesting or coherent, ultimately, because the criticism either drowns in the length and comedic nature of it, or just ultimately isn't focused and pointed and nuanced enough to actually say something meaningful. like ik someone's gonna do a "kid's game" thing but hello, kid's shit has always been nuanced and just bc it's "for kids" doesn't mean it has to abide by some binary ass morality that flattens all its interesting critique, especially when you're constantly led, structurally, to the more interesting and nuanced narrative choice only to have a twist completely ruin it and making it all feel like a waste of your time. plenty of things are nuanced and interesting and "for kids" without deflating their themes and messages by writing a stupid twist that undercuts the interesting parts of its arguments.
#james talks#people will probably be mad about this one but i'm Wright about it. Phoenix Wright.#sorry. had to be done. making up for the lack of pun names and jokes in the last case.#anyway i'm so serious when i say it's a cowardly narrative direction that just completely undercuts the whole fucking point—#it was trying to make about the ways the legal systems of Japan are set up to encourage only closing cases by any means necessary#like it just literally doesn't make even half the point bc guess what? Ema just isn't actually responsible.#so you don't have to have any remotely complicated feelings about the justice system. it WILL get the perpetrators at the end.#Edgeworth? didn't do it. Ema? didn't do it. you don't ever have to have complicated feelings about working with people.#sorry i just REALLY fucking hate this choice so immensely i am more filled with rage the more i think about it#apparently this is a actual tag so.#Ace Attorney critical#resisting tagging this with the main game tag bc i don't wanna hear spoilers for the other games.#or hear annoying fans bitching about my correct take in my asks.#in case it wasn't obvious i am serious about the take but i am also still processing.#probably have slightly more nuanced thoughts when i've heard more opinions from other people and seen their takes.#i already know someone's gonna make some bullshit argument about believing in the good in people and how that makes sense but.#getting a charge of guilty literally is a failstate in this. your client and associates can never Actually Be Guilty of anything—#besides some light corruption. the twist about Lana not being a murderer is fine. it works bc it's clever.#but Ema not being a murderer is shit bc it completely ruins the promise the whole thing sets up. like sure Lana still goes to prison at—#the end but we can't dwell on that at all or feel anything but happy bc it's the last note of the game. so they have to make Ema not guilty#did it ever cross their minds they could've bonded again in prison?#like if you're sending Lana to prison anyway. just send Ema in with her. she can still be guilty of the thing and you can actually make—#more interesting critique of the system as abusing people who have no other choice instead of them—#Being Wronged Through No Fault Of Their Own as if they're innocent little toddlers with no control of anything. like with Edgeworth that—#narrative choice was more acceptable bc he was like 9 years old. Ema was 14. what the fuck are we talking about.#i'm not saying being 14 means she should hang or whatever like she was still a teen but they could've written her to be guilty—#but not A Murderer in a million different ways and they chose the most annoying and cowardly path bc—#it promises to be interesting and nuanced and then just completely flips you off right at the finish line—#as if your interest in its commentary and what it Wants To Say was too much investment as if they didn't spend 80% of the game doing that#by making you commit crimes to save people (Phoenix admits lawyers aren't supposed to investigate so 90% of the evidence is illegal)
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you make plans with your friends when youre growing up that you'll move in togehter and always stay near and go to each other's weddings and always talk and always call and then you get to the age you're supposed to start doing that kind of thing and realize all the friends you had hoped would stay by you forever have gone off to do things without you and you're just in the same spot and suddenly you have to do it all on your own
#kestrel calls#text post#chitter chatter#negative#????#ive no idea im sort of just having a late night spiral#my best and really only good close friend decided to go to college after all#and id always thought and hoped we'd just move out west together#but now tht's not happning and i can't wait for them to finish college#bc my parents are moving#and i can't support myself here#and im sort of just#spiraling and panicking a little tiny bit#i just want to move in with this nb artist i found today on craigslist#but that won't happen and i don't know what im doing with my life#and i feel stuck#and yk.... scary#anywayyyyyy like it's totally fine this is just all i think about everyday dw abt it#but if you know somebody looking for a roommate in the greater mt/idaho/wy/nd area uhhhhh hmu#/hj
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I cannot listen to the magnus archives as a normal person I have to read the wiki pages of episodes I already listened to and make notes and try to guess the entities and what they do and make a file out of it
#i know there are entities because if youre on tumblr you cannot not know about them#so far i suspect three. one with the closed eye in hand that makes people do their killing. idk whats the gain or if im right but its. there#then there is one with the table. i assume its the one that makes people see visions hallucinations and dreams. gaslighting them and taking#people from their lives as if they never existed. erasing records afterwards (but not without flaws)#then there is the eye. idk what it does. idk if its connected with the books or the lightless flame. or if its literally an all seeing eye#that can mess with everything. and i also think that one can be good? like used to protect too? idk#then there is the whole worm lady which i have no idea about the entity. controlling invertebrates??#infestation definitely?#i havent made notes abt the figures that disappear in light and also about the fog? i guess. the one that makes people get lost.#or is it the graveyard#even though if i count everything ive mentioned here as seperate entities that makes 9 of them#i feel like there are 14 bc of the 14 doors in that one episode#maybe the candle one from the cave ep?#okay 4 more to go.#oh and the one that can make flesh but doesnt really know how to#how to properly humanize the flesh#3 more?#maybe that one with the old man and the keyhole that wasnt there.#dk what that is though#2 more.#idk the last ones are already far-fetched#the first three i mentioned are the ones im more certain about lol#anyway. cant wait to see how wrong or right i was! yeehaw#tma#fandom#also i feel like the sasha and gertrude were gotten by the same thing. might be wrong#if anyone is still here in my tags ive just finished 1st season
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prev post literally since i was a child ive wanted to go to a super isolated spot where absolutely nobody else on the planet would hear me and just scream AS loud as i possibly could. partially for stress relief and partially bc i just want to know how loud i could scream if i wasnt worried abt freaking ppl
#bc like. I could drive* somewhere super isolated but What if there is a hiker. and then thats WAY scarier than hearing someone scream in a#spot w other ppl like if yr all alone and then hear an earpiercing scream While in the woods id find that scarier than being in town and#hearing a scream bc like yes Uhoh somebody screamed but at least yr aware there r other ppl around so its not as offguard#+like kids scream allllll the time for no reason at all. just bc its fun for them you know. i was so jealous when i was a kid bc all the#other kids could scream and scream and scream as loud as they could but i couldnt bc i was scared of getting in trouble. and now ive#squandered yhe time of my life where its socially acceptable to scream as loud as i could. Ughh#one of my recurring nightmares as a kid was that i was in a life or death situation like A killer or something and id try to scream and jus#nothing would come out like i could feel the air passing through my voicebox but no sound came out#not just screaming like. So many dreams where i just couldnt talk and everybody was mad at me bc i couldnt talk#scary stuff.#but ya. i think my only recourse is to learn how to man a boat solo and go out to the middle of the ocean and check radar to make sure#Nobody is close enough and then i can scream. but what if i piss off a whale or something#maybe a little room deep deep deep underground with like super super super thick walls and the door is sealed shut and its in the middle of#a remote forest on an impassable mountain. and then i can scream#just realized i forgot to finish that asterisk earlier you guys mustve felt rly abandoned im sorry. were you scared. its okay. connors here#* i cant drive
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there needs to be more Barry fics fr fr fr, I know the last time he appeared in game was 12 years ago but cmon, he is So important
#don't wanna start writing yet another thing until I'm done with my two current wips and I'm So close to finishing them...#tani's personal shit#I have a barry fic idea that's essentially like those 3 times smth +1? w/ the anderson brothers & alice & sam lake (the actor)#saying they've seen alan in dreams or smth. sam talks abt nightless night n alice mentions the hauntings#and barrys like. Well why haven't I dream w/ My best friend? if he's alive why hasn't he reached and if he's dead why hasn't he haunt me#(The +1 part is him actually dreaming/meeting.. scratch...) (team barry Will kiss all of al's evil doubles before reuniting w/ alan himself#gosh anyway... one day I'll write this... maybe not the coming days bc I feel myself getting sick w/ the coming autumn. but one day...#goodnight u_u
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aouuugh my uterus......
#long long day at work codeine wasnt helping with cramps and my meds are less effective on my period :(#ive been doing okay most of the day tho just starting feeling kind of miserable omw home bc such a long wait at the bus stop in pain#and im kind of lonely at the moment but wont be able to climb tomorrow bc of cramps so thats my main social source gone :(#and it always feels worse at home bc if im having a hard time like in physical pain or feeling down my roommate cant rly handle it#like she cant rly be in the room with me the headphones go straight on. which is ok im realising its just how her type of autism works#so im trying not to get as upset at her abt it. with varying degrees of success but it just takes time#i mean i dont get upset AT her like ik its not her fault and i dont want her feeling like it is. I keep it internal + cry once im alone#just different social needs n boundaries innit. we're a bit incompatible is all#but its still hard. I'd like support from other ppl when I'm struggling i mean i think thats a fairly normal thing to want#but of the friends I would be comfortable talking to abt how i feel none of them have that kind of emotional availability#which again is ok like its not on them. and im very capable of dealing w my shit myself one way or another so its not a Need#but idk. it would just be nice. I feel like I've had to be so independent most of my teenage and adult life and I wish I could take a#break from that sometimes. even just a hug would be nice man#sorry i always come on here and talk abt the same problems... well youll see me do it again no doubt abt that 🫠#ughh and i feel so guilty for wanting things ppl cant give even though i know its not really my fault either and im allowed to want things#and i dont cross boundaries or make them feel bad abt it. i really hope i dont anyway. but still ahhh...#its so hard for me to feel connected to anyone if they cant rly engage w me emotionally at all like its a non negotiable#factor into closeness and trust for me and i get so frustrated bc i feel so distant and alienated from the ppl i care abt most#and ik i overreact bc of my rsd so maybe its just that its probably not even a real issue. but its real to me bc im the one who gets upset#man. anyway its okay just a really really long day. im gonna wash my dishes and then shower#and finish my book. maybe i should play some dead cells i miss it. i dont really want to think abt how i feel anymore#maybe ill see if anyones free to hang out tmr evening so i dont have to feel as lonely even if i cant leave the house after work#all good nice to have a plan anyway. done sniffling. my hot water bottle is helping thr cramps a littlr i think#.diaries#oh i dont think its helping actually ow. i took more codeine an hour ago why doesnt it do anything. not fairrr 😭
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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i really need to stop staying up late when my intrusive thoughts come up again, they always get worse at night. i wanted to do some writing, but i procrastinated too long and now i feel too bad and when i tried, i couldn't focus. so i'm gonna try and go to bed.
#friday chats#just. not doing great all around. lots of ups and downs in my mood.#i'm literally so close to finishing this oneshot but it might be another couple weeks before it's ready at this rate :/#sorry about that. i really want to complete it and i promise i'm trying#my mind's just been really funky lately and i don't know why#probably bc i'm still sort of sick. i hope it goes away soon#also i feel like i always have to clarify#i'm not upset that i'm disappointing readers by not posting anything#i'm upset because it takes me forever to write things#and i have a bajillion ideas that i really want to share but i'm just. so bad at completing creative projects#i'm worried that my interest in tma will wane before i finish them all like what happened with hermitcraft and double trouble#and if that happens i'll just be plagued with all these stories that never came to fruition#not to mention i really really really want to be a published author#and if i can hardly even finish oneshots how am i supposed to complete a book manuscript#let alone several; like the series i have in mind#it's just. a lot. easy to spiral down. it makes me feel bad.#anyway i'm gonna actually go to bed now. wahoo
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