#LIKE. ALL OF THESE ARE SILLY. but a lot of them have internal lore reasons. varying degrees of actual canonness

[moe-broey]

I'm gonna bully Lif again

I'll admit, some of these answers don't cover all the bases, but. What are we thinking, here. What is The Truth behind The Twink Death? 🤨🎤

I will also be accepting write-in responses as usual 🫡

[tizeline]

Asking some writers/artists I follow:

Is there anything in your fic/comic that you as the author know about, but won't end up in the actual story?

So I have a rather uh disorganized way of telling the story of the TSAU, I jump back and forth in the timeline quite a bit depending on what part of the story I wanna tell. Overall I improvise quite a bit, and because of that I can't be 100% sure what will be depicted in the story and what wont. But I might as well share some little tidbits of lore that are probably not gonna be mentioned in the main story (though they still might who knows lol)

So uh. April and Kendra are exes. Kinda. They were pretty close friends when they were younger and decided to become a couple when they were like 9 or something. This lasted for a grand total of.... 2 days, maybe? Then they had a huge fight about something silly like, I dunno, Kendra hacked April's tamagotchi as a prank and she got mad so they broke up and they've had major beef ever since.

Draxum made Mikey wear some type of artifact or gear that supressed his mystic powers as a kid for his own safety. Mikey started showing an incredible talent for the mystic arts at a very young age. Draxum was excited about this for all of 5 seconds before realizing that Mikey is a VERY small child with NO impulse control and he's definetily gonna turn himself and the rest of the family into glitter unless Draxum finds a way prevent that from happening until Mikey has the chance to develop an understanding of consequences. (He's learned to control his powers well enough to not need them by the time of the main-story, so he no longer wears the supressors)

Donnie's whole villain-act he puts on is partially a coping mechanism. He grew up never knowing anyone like himself (unless you count Splinter, I suppose) so the only times he saw himself represented in anything was characters in comics and shows and such. There were plenty of anthropomorphic reptile characters in the media he consumed, and Donnie clunged to anyone or anything that he could at least somewhat relate to. Problem is, a lot of these anthro reptiles were like.... y'know... villains. It's pretty common for super heroes and stuff to fight evil mutant reptile creatures, and even stories with only anthro characters reptiles tend to be charactarized as more villainous. Granted, turtles specifically usually don't get this treatment, but it still had quite an effect on Donnie as a little kid that most characters similar to him would be viewed as evil, which caused him to internalize that mindset. So turtle tot Donnie basically went like "Yes! This is what I am! A villain in someone else's story! It all makes sense now! This is a healthy mindset to have!" and just kinda embraced the role that human society had given to him because he didn't really know how else to deal. (Things changed after meeting April and he found out that there might actually be humans out there who might treat him like a person and not just a freak of nature! He still plays into the villain-persona, partially for fun and partially as a coping thing, but he doesn't have nearly as a negative view of himself now as he did as a tot)

And last, but certainly not least................ Draxum owns a Lou Jitsu body pillow (PURELY for research-purposes, NO other reason!)

[the-fallen-blue]

Reading a lot of video game fanfic recently and there's a really interesting, idk, ludonarrative scale that writers exist on.

Like on one end, there's stuff that has no justification in-universe, which is purely for the sake of fun gameplay, but it's acknowledged in-universe. Party size is a big one for this. The idea that the protagonist is trying to save the world, cannot afford to take any risks or lose a single fight, has ten skilled fighters sitting at home base, and still just only ever decides on two to three to take to any conflict, is objectively deranged, and there's seldom if ever anything in any of these universes to actually justify it, even something as slim as "only four guys fit in the shuttle." But a lot of games do, nevertheless, reinforce *in the narrative* that if someone's not with you, they genuinely weren't with you, whether it's BG3's "they literally tell you your party is full and whine about staying in camp" or Inquisition's "woUlD HaVe liKeD To haVE beEn tHeRe" from Blackwall if you bring him a Warden widget at base instead of taking him to find it, or simply the mere fact of approval changes only hitting characters who are present.

And consequently, players (and thus writers) sort of internalize this as Just A Thing That Happens in the universe. 90% of Inquisition fics have the Inquisitor taking three people out into the world with them and leaving the rest at Skyhold for absolutely no reason other than that's what happens in the game, even though the only reason it happens in the game is to make combat for the omniscient omnipotent player fun, something that is not at all real for the actual tired, bloody, mortally threatened characters. And while that is arguably quite silly, it also makes perfect sense. The text of the game literally tells us this is happening, whether it makes tactical or real-world sense or not, so it would be unusual for a writer to write that it wasn't.

But on the other end, there's stuff that is not acknowledged in-universe, stuff with absolutely no rational connection to the narrative at all. The enemies come at the characters in consistent, predictable waves, in numbers that make sense for video games but wouldn't in the real world (a hundred wolves ten yards north of a farm, dozens of space assassins on a remote ten person space station, six of a type of demon used as a trash mob that, in lore, requires dozens of highly trained soldiers to stop only one). The character is subject to an attack that would be both impossible and immediately lethal in the real world and the fantasy world alike, five or six times, because the author is describing the exact attack animation of an enemy move; the character retaliates in an exact description of the flashy physically impossible move bound to the right bumper button. The character finds a ring on a 600-year-old corpse that makes that move 10% more effective numerically when worn, described in a way that just barely obscures that the in-game item has actual literal damage numbers on it.

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with this. One should write anywhere along the scale that one desires. If your muse is struck by describing the four implausible conveniently-spaced plant-hangars that Ezio jumps up on his way to climb a trellis in precise detail, if a parkour sequence tickled your id so hard that you had to take it to the page, that is your absolute right, and a lot of your readers will be just as genuinely delighted as you to be like "omg I remember climbing that exact building." The gameplay is part of the story in a video game, and a totally legitimate part of the conversation that we're all having with each other when we read and write fic.

But from a dev perspective, this is a pretty important lesson that the gameplay is part of the story, no matter how sharp or obvious you, the dev who is used to handwaving rings of +10dmg, think the line between mechanics and narrative might be. So, if it is a core premise of the story you're trying to tell that a particular type of demon is a boss fight for a dozen guys, don't make it a trash mob, because to the players who fight six million of the thing over their sixty hours of play, that's the portrayal that will be real. Definitely don't have your characters actively comment about not being present for things in the current game if it will be important for your story in a later game that they have the prestige and knowledge from having been part of the event. And remember, when you add random collectables to weird places, that you have now irrevocably imbued into someone's canon that their Grim Sober Angsty Space Marine is doing weird hops up the side of a light fixture to grab a jar of pink armor paint.

[alexandraisyes]

If you could, what would you change in TSAMS? For example, would you add a new character or remove any of the already existing ones, make some ship canon or make two characters who are in relationship in canon to break up, make characters to be different either personality-wise or design-wise, focus on some characters more? (I want to hear you ramble about this please 🙏🙏)

The VERY FIRST THING I WOULD DO

Is put Monty in cognitive behavior therapy. And I mean that so fucking genuinely, that gator has a lot of thinking errors that make him so infuriating, and if I could get him assigned to a therapist that's NOT his girlfriend, that will actually work with him on being mindful and self-awareness and shit I would literally die happy.

My reasoning for this is that it would be so fucking unsatisfying to just "fix him". Personally, I think that would be an insult to what his character is supposed to be, and if Eclipse can get better and more empathetic and more aware of how he affects other people than so can Monty. I don't want to change his personality, I just want his character to be more aware of how big of an asshole he is and actually try to be a better guy. It 100% doesn't even need to be something in the foreground, just knowing that he's speaking to a professional about stuff would be enough.

As far as characters go, I personally don't think it's my place to suggest adding or removing characters. Mostly because I don't think it's necessary. I would push for more random lore for characters that we've met but don't know that well, especially one-off AUs that already exist in canon. We've gotten to see Gaia and Nyx again. Helios is one of the main characters now, and Kronos has been made relevant again, so they definitely remember the other dimensions. I think it would be a nice break from the heavy hard lore of the main universe, while also not being so obvious of filler content that people would throw a fit. It would be a treat for the audience to get to know more about the different canon AUs. I might prod to bring back Solar Flare, just because of the potential in his character (and yes I am biased) but even that's a coin toss because I also feel like he's served his purpose in canon.

I do think clearing up character ambiguity would be important, especially for characters like Jack where it's just so convoluted as to how we're supposed to interpret them. When the VAs say we're supposed to view a character as one thing and then portray them as another it gets really confusing for the audience. It is also really confusing for writers most of the time because they have a character that they aren't in (internal) agreement as to how they want to write them, which leads to a messy character. This is just a general statement about writers, and not specifically TSAMS.

Okay, the shipping question. I wouldn't make any ships canon or non-canon. Yes, that includes Monty/Earth. Yes, I know that I am well known for writing about ships and making AUs about ships, however, that's specifically non-canon and I know it's non-canon and I know that when I write about my silly little ships I am being delusional about characters' compatibility. It is my pride and joy to be unhinged and feral, and that would not change, but there would be a clear divide between professional work for the show and my silly fan AUs. Especially because, as I've addressed in the past, I see TSAMS as another DCA au just like all of my AUs I view as just more DCA aus, even if they are inspired by TSAMS. And considering I have multiple AUs with severely different plot lines and dynamics, I can trust that I would be able to keep them separate, and my personal work wouldn't bleed into my professional work.

Personalities? I like the characters' personalities, and I don't see a reason to change them. After all, it wouldn't make sense from a psychological perspective, which means that it doesn't make sense from a narrative perspective. I genuinely do enjoy the characterization in the show, including character flaws and things that make my skin itch. Yes, this includes Monty. As much as I say "Oh I hate Monty so much", I still really like the characterization, and I'm glad that they're willing to have such an asshole of a character. Moral ambiguity is extremely realistic, and like I've said before, I think Monty meets a lot of the requirements for narcissism or even narcopathy. Which is, again, extremely realistic. People with the kind of moral ambiguity like Monty, who are just as frustrating as Monty, are real. And they exist. And they are infuriating. But because they seem to want to portray Monty as a "good guy" I want him to do the therapy thing as earlier mentioned.

Design-wise, it's no secret that I'm an artist. There are a few designs that are just genuinely eye-sores, but I currently don't have that great of blender skills so I cannot pass judgement in that area when I literally cannot do better ajdsf;lgjafsdl. I can draw up designs, I can do 2D models and sheets and shit, but I'm currently useless when it comes to VRChat models. I want to learn, but that's such a process that I'm trying to find motivation for and I don't even know where I would start. which is part of the issue because it makes it seem even more impossible.

[the-burt-macklin-fbi]

Nobody asked for my opinion but here it is:

I don’t want Watcher to die.

Almost 95% of nearly 7.5k people WON’T be subscribing to the new platform. (Admittedly, it’s hard to say how many of those voters were regular Watcher viewers on YouTube but still…that’s an alarming statistic). I’ve read a lot of reasons people won’t be subscribing & I fear if Watcher doesn’t respond to the collectively negative feedback they are receiving about this decision with addendums to their plan addressing the most prevalent concerns this will be the end of the company.

People are feeling betrayed. This was an abrupt & extreme change, hyped up to be an exciting announcement that turned out to be a slap in the face. It doesn’t align with what we thought Shane, Ryan, & Steven valued; it puts profit and production above viewers & engagement. We were still willing to watch them make silly little ad skits with their own weird lore.

$6/month or $60/year is unfortunately not a “price anyone and everyone can afford” comfortably, if at all (myself included)— especially when you take into account international exchange rates & the overall demographic of Watcher’s fanbase. Even for those who can afford it, the cost to content ratio is unbalanced. Putting ALL of their new content (save for series premies) behind a paywall will only lose them viewers & ultimately profits. I think if they truly need more money for production reasons or whatever they could get away with a tier system like several other creators have for SELECT content.

I obviously am just 1 anonymous voice on the internet but I truly love Watcher’s content & want to think its creators are good people who will do what they can to resolve this both for the fans who can no longer afford to support them and the sake of the company.

[andros-paidophonoio]

My other controversial trait is I don't care for but I also don't hate Lore Olympus lmfao. I think it's frustrating to me for various reasons but all of them are completely different from the main reasons I see people hate it and I rarely see MY complaints and critiques come up which is pretty funny. Not that some critiques don't have merit, but a lot especially I remember from several years ago were ur run of the mill "sexualizing fetishizing & the young women r being led astray" from the same people also being nostalgic about their effervescent Twilight phases and problematic cartoon husbandos and it's like, let's be fucking real

I understand the being concerned about it giving the Wrong Impression of the mythological characters etc but it's just visually and stylistically SO different and distinct and basically looks and comes across like Teenybopper Inside Out. I feel like thinking it represents anything realistic to the irl material feels a little idk.....losing chess to a dog-ish. Losing chess to an archie comic. Personally I get more concerned about adapations that have an appearance and sheen of being "accurate" or educational and serious while peddling more misinformation XD So that in mind, most of my evaluation of the story is a bit separate from that aspect, which has already been discussed and analyzed a lot–i generally try to evaluate based on the internal world that a story creates and how it comes across to ME.

More of my thoughts (playing defense AND personal haterisms)

I personally find the main Fantasy of the comic to be extremely vanilla LMAO and Fine...its basically "what if I was a super hot and pretty girl but ALSO sort of underdog-ish but ALSO I had sexy older BF who was kind and listens to me and wants to worship the ground inwalk on and we have cute little fluffy conversations and dates and ALSO I'm super sexy and evil and powerful but ALSO Good and Innocent and Blameless--" it's kind of an incoherent mess, but it's trying to appeal to a variety of fantasies all at once, and I think the desires that are expressed are pretty basic ones lol. I know there's also the rumor (?) of the Hades basically being authors self insert Mads Mikkelsen au crush or whatever which ppl made fun of but like genuinely What is Wrong With That. It's a bit silly but how is that problematic or my business.

I actually liked Perse's character and parts of her arc, I think the strongest parts of the comic was parts like the gentle romance portions where characters got to "be themselves" and just hang out in more slice of life style stuff (before it weirdly delved into therapist talking). There are some really great expressions of emotion and nervousness around sex and desire and shame. And the fantasy of having an understanding person to be a friend and talk to and open up to and speak in a respectful way was pretty sweet, and a lot MORE gentle than tbh a lot of Edgy Romance where theove interest is just Mean and Insulting for a while. So while I find aspects of maybe the characters getting flat, I found that personally kind of more positive in terms of "lessons and takeaways." So it's funny to me when ppl talk about the comic as The Most Evil Fetishizing Ever when so much of it honestly feels sanded down to Niceness lmfao. I also weirdly found that it felt at times very sexually or sensually restrained–like I get it's for more younger audience, but the kind of coy dancing around stuff at times (I wonder from webtoon meddling) felt weirder than maybe being more open about it. In a weird way, the rape scene from earlier on in the story felt more explored in how it had an impact than later parts. I wonder if that's because it was before it became so popular and also started getting more attention and criticisms that then seem to have subsumed into the work in weird ways.

I guess it's overall, in the end, one of those stories that is very much speaking to the modern age and the modern (straight ig) young women; where the OG Story and hymn was about grief of losing child to a marriage out of ur control (and includes the comfort of other mothers or matriarchs), I feel this (clumsily) speaks to a kind of different struggle. Aka the issue of wanting to express and enjoy sexuality freely but being faced with the prospect of interpersonal sexual violence, or people seeking to control said sexuality either out of protection or their own gain, the idea that you become seen as "evil" once u express ur sexual desires or become "tainted" by association with a man in a way that isn't a Socially Sanctioned way. It's clumsy, but it's real, and a lot of stories I see in this subject are grappling with this a lot. Esp for an era where many women do have a lot more freedom to pursue and find partners by choice than in ancient times, but the journey to that kind of happiness can be held up by such adverse experiences and subsequent emotional states/expectations.

I think my problem with a lot of romantic stuff, including this, that wants to balance these twin fantasies–one of being Very Powerful and Dangerous, but also of being Blameless and Good, are often kind of at odds and can result in some pretty Bad Storytelling that often ends up kind of trying to backtrack and do apologism for the Bad Actions in a way that just feels weak And noncommittal (if ur gonna be evil girl BE EVIL), and also kind of gets weird because The Protagonist, and the Couple(tm) must Always Be Good, and this cannot always be the case!!! In fact, it can make characters end up looking worse lol. Solomon's Crown does this too and that I am offended by for the same reasons!!!

Anyways, I haven't finished the whole comic, although I found a lot of the later arcs very intriguing although it took too fucking long to get to it because of the other problems that irritated me which consist of the following in no particular order:

THE VERY UNFUNNY HUMOR. I hated the jokes so much. I feel this is a problem with a lot of serials where they try to stay topical but boy I do not give a shit. That and when characters started speaking more like therapists, it brings the Drama to a screeching halt. And we are supposed to be HERE for drama!!! This is the main reason it always takes me so long to read like there will be an interesting serious scene and then the jokes will be so bad and deflating the impact. Sad!

Minthe. Treatment of her character left a bad taste in my mouth; last I left off I kind of liked more time spent on her, but in general i just felt really weird about the role her character played

Generally disinterested in all the other characters aside from the main couple. Perse is really fun and I feel there's the most "real" experience poured into her mixed with fantasy.

The opening episodes are indeed extremely off-putting to me so I don't blame people for not getting into it bc it starts off with some bro-y behavior that is corny. And it never quite feels "established" in its setting which is an issue to me with a lot of webtoons but for here especially it feels very like I said earlier like Teenybopper Inside Out. These characters are fantastical concepts, but only at times do they feel real as People

Anyways it's one of those things where I can genuinely see the charm in it--i can see exactly why it blew up how it did, but also like most webtoon it invites the most simplified types of comments ever where every single character has to be Good or Bad and if anyone does anything complex everyone throws a riot. So I don't doubt that the environment in which the story was produced affected the way that it is formatted and created. In this sense it's an interesting work to consider culturally and sociplogically. I think it is part of the greater conversation of why such works connect to people for greater or ill at all. Still, the Bad Jokes will keep me from probably having the true knowledge and I definitely will continue going my own way

(I do have a few AU concepts tho I'd like to think about sometimes....infeel like some aspects of the story I think a transmasc perse is interesting to think about, especially the whole weird definitions of the "fertility goddess" and "pure maiden" aspect, and the desire for LO!Apollo to want them to embody kind of an Ideal Wifepartner to gain power and prestige...more disturbing but also interesting implications and stakes to think about. canon LO I see seems to be about moving from maiden to the fertility goddess aspect but what if there were other identity avenues to be explored? Also I was thinking that a lot of the LO haters I get it we don't like cringe heteros that's fair but I know a lot of y'all r reading BL that use the EXACT SAME TROPES but even more corny and it's like.....sometimes humans crave corniness I get it. It would be too many layers of gender for the original to even be considering lmfao but since a lot of the story is about finding the Self and also facing resistance for it, I don't think it would be unthinkable....the fantasy worldbuilding going on is like ??? But sometimes it produces some stuff I think more deeply about)

[wr0ngwarp]

some refs for my jet set radio explorers of death joke au (that sure is a sentence) because i wanted to put them on art fight (..mostly for warehouse leapusverse lore reasons)

beat and yoyo seemed like they needed refs most urgently cuz beat has a bunch of designs on account of being squirtle and yoyo's design was just hard to parse in the pics he appeared in. yeagh

art fight bio under the cut for ppl who don't have an art fight account

based on PMD: Explorers of Death by sparklingdemon, HIGHLY recommended reading to get a grasp on what in the goddamn is going on here oh this is incredibly silly. so basically a while ago there was an in-joke about jsr and eod in a pokepasta discord i'm in, and i have a bad habit of taking jokes too far. so, of course, i took the joke WAY WAY WAY too far! the entire joke is the idea that Corn in Future retconned og JSR Beat as leader/founder of the GGs, so Corn and Beat are the Myras. no it’s not a joke funny enough to justify how many hours i sunk into drawing these. no attempt was made to change the setting, assign most of the other cast, or otherwise make this au hold up to ANY amount of scrutiny.

---- the base concept (aka reskinned eod plot) is that the og JSR timeline was getting, like, temporally retconned into the Future timeline, but Beat (in the role of Squirtle) refused to accept the changeover so he tried to hold onto his own fading timeline, trapping it (and himself) in a state of perpetual decay until he can take back the timeline. basically everybodys a grayscale rotting zombie it's miserable. also if you think "hey, isn't EOD!Beat less justified than Squirtle because the situation WASN'T life or death until he MADE IT that way" you would be right lmao JSRF Corn (as Myra), being the leader of the GGs in Future, shows up (overwriting the preexisting version of Tab ig) to try to put the dying timeline out of its misery so it can actually be reborn into the Future timeline. for some reason his spraypaint can make the zombies pass on. don't question it. he and Beat are kind of trying to take each other down so one timeline can take precedent here. Gum (as Shadow) is kind of torn between the two of them, with two overlapping contradicting sets of memories and also the most disastrous way to possibly combine her JSR and JSRF designs LMAO. her loyalties are kind of torn as a result and also she understandably isnt a big fan of all the murder going on here ... ...also, because this is a joke au that i did not bother to try to make sense, they're in the goddamn Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers for no real reason. i also tend to call Beat and Corn "Meat and Mourn" though i dont have a nickname for Gum :(. and they have some level of meta awareness that they're in a poorly crafted joke AU based on an existing creepypasta, and yet this knowledge of how inane it all is doesn't stop them from riding it out to its horrific conclusion. ...ha ha? also Yoyo is Bidoof he's just here to be the first to die dont worry about him

---- also because there's something profoundly wrong with me i have the main trio + Yoyo in me and my sibling's joke multi-crossover RP. Corn is MIA right now, Gum is in the Garage with the setting's regular version of the GGs (they are confused and concerned. esp normal!Gum)... ...and, uh... Beat and Yoyo are in the Warehouse. (Pauein 9696 is just kind of there too.) they're... friends? i think......???? they are trapped in there and dont know Warehouse Yoyo is actually the goddamn building theyre trapped in

in the warehouse, eod!yoyo is kind of... barely coherent, only aware a fraction of the time, and not really able to do a whole lot since he's in such bad condition. he's just kind of taking anything as it happens at this point bc he can't do anything about it, but internally he's very pessimistic both about the idea that Beat can fix anything OR that there's any chance they'll escape the warehouse. eod!beat is... sort of kind of friends with the Warehouse but it's a very fragile friendship prone to arguments since he is trying VERY hard to leave (esp cuz he has UNFINISHED BUSINESS with killing corn and MAKING THINGS RIGHT) but Warehouse Yoyo is manipulatively trying to keep him without letting on that's what he's doing. both of these guys are fucked in the head tbh. at least nobody's judging each other for being walking corpses with weird metafiction elements.

[ignitesthestxrs]

Do you mind sharing what stuff added later by the author did you hate?

oh sure LOL like i have written before on the magical yellowface and how poorly the worldbuilding failed with shu han before and i think that is one of the most Egregious issues. kuwei like,,,does not even get to be a character, he's just a prop for this mlm romance that he is never given a reason to actually be involved in, and he is not allowed to become a part of the crew like the rest of the characters. he's just kind of the sentient plot point they carry around until the time comes to literally sell him to the highest bidder lmfaaaao

uuuh i do not like the depiction of parem as an addictive substance, i realise this is quibbling and it's magic etc etc, but i think that if you're going to use 'extremely addictive drug' as a metaphor in your magic world, you should put more effort into the way your characters interact with that drug and addiction. like the idea of 'drug that you take once and either it kills you or you're ruined for life' is silly and also not very emotionally evocative. also 'extremely addictive drug developed by the science monsters in the East that then becomes a significant factor in impending war' sure is a nasty trope to engage in without really subverting or interrogating it.

re: the darkling i just have narrative issues with that, i think that bringing him back is a dumb decision. it undercuts the narrative choices made in the original trilogy, and results in alina as a protagonist being relegated to kind of second tier status. like the darkling coming back in a story that does not have anything to do with alina is essentially a narrative claim that the darkling is more significant than alina, in a series that was originally about alina.

it's also just the way he's bought back that is so, so silly. it's so silly. why is this bee lady here. what is she doing. like again, the narrative fulcrum of the first trilogy is this relationship between alina and the darklig and this significant connection, and now this bee lady who we've never met before is bringing the darkling back to life? why do i care about her? why does she care about the darkling??? is the villain of this book really 'crazy lady who is obsessed with the darkling and bringing him back to life'? it is a narrative decision that somehow manages to pander to a particular subset of eager darkling fans, while also parodying them.

i think ultimately as someone who spent a lot of my fandom time and effort like exploring the narrative impetus for killing this character and why it worked as a satisfying conclusion to the trilogy, it's not that i would have not wanted him to come back ever for any reason at all, but rather that aws a reader i needed a really good reason for it? and i think the seeds of that really good reason were there in nikolai LOL like we didn't need a whole lot of New Worldbuilding Lore That We've Never Seen Before And Also This Bee Lady. nikolai with his own internal monster darkling seeds was right there, and in a book that was supposed to be about nikolai trying to be king, the focal point should have been...you know, that. if the darkling was going to come back, it should have been because of what actions nikolai (the protagonist!!! the titular king of scars!!) was taking in his efforts to rule while containing and/or using his monstrous self.

also the zoya dragon thing was dumb. it was just dumb and i didn't like it. i didn't like the defanging of zoya's character in general - the backfilling of her history to explain how she got her amplifier because of trying and failing to save an animal rather than just straight up murdering it is Weak. zoya was a cunt when we first met her! she was ruthless and power hungry and she wanted to impress the darkling! you undercut the character growth she had in turning against him when you fill in her history to make her Secretly Compassionate From The Start. she broke alina's bones because she was jealous of her, let her kill a fucking tiger for power and then realise what the desire for power does to a person over the course of her character arc.

in general so many of the choices the author made as the series got more and more popular felt like she was retroactively changing things based on various discourses that had cropped up over the years and felt more grounded in a conversation with the fandom than in a conversation with the books she had already written. it was a sad, slow process of falling out of love with these books for me sdhgkdsfg obviously i still have a lot of residual feeling and knowledge and opinions about them, but that is kind of the heartbreak of growing out of caring about something. you're left with all this Stuff and nowhere to put it.

[sooshii]

Nice to meet you!

I'm new to blog posting and social media in general (I know - What kind of rock have you been living under, Sooshii???) During my research going down all sorts of rabbits holes on where to interact with other fic-writers, I came across tumblr. Now me being the shy sushi roll that I am, I internally screamed for a good few days, weeks, months before working up the courage to finally get this ball rolling.

In case you can't tell, I'm a shy bean. I'm also not a minor, but I won't divulge my age - please respect ♡ The internet is a scary place after all!

So with all that said, a bit about myself! :)

Pronouns:

she/her

Fandoms:

Currently writing: FFVII - multi relationship oc AU fandom Reading: Hazbin Hotel, MHA, DAI, FFXIV, Avatar, One Piece, HP, AOT, JJK, multiple Villainess ones to list, and a couple Trails ones. I'm always searching for new ones to obsess over hueeeee And I read too many pairings to list...

Interests/Hobbies:

Reading! I read too many books and fandoms to count. My current fixation is all things FFVII but other fandoms I enjoy are listed above - however the rest of the list is way too long to toss on here so take what is listed as a "this is only a few". And my ships! Oh my ships... Vary from all ranges of characters ahhh I'm such a simp especially for the bad guys huuuueeee :'D

Writing! I write too! I recently started rewriting my first AU fic from a few years back. I'm hoping as I get more confident in myself, I can even branch out to other stories. I'll probably start posting little updates here every now and then when chapters get posted ^_^ My AO3 if you wanted to check my stuff out :) There's too many pairings, lore, world building, angst, fluff, and character tormenting ideas I have floating around in my head to count <o> Yes, I love to make my characters suffer. I'm a bit of a sadist that way -cackles- :3

Drawing! I draw and sketch a lot too. Someday soon you'll see a few of my little doodles floating around... when I get the courage to post them for the world to see. Shy bean, remember? :p

Cats! I own the sweetest little voidbean ever. She is my pride and joy. I absolutely love and adore black cats! Other cats are adorable too, but black cats are the light in my deep, dark, evil little soul mwahaha -ahem- I mean they're super cute :)

Anyways, please drop by, say hell, shoot me a polite message to chat, request a silly doodle - whatever you'd like within reason!

It's amazing to meet you and I hope to see you around!

[luminologism]

1, 6, 7

for the sky oc ask

mmmm lore

oh, oc lore time!! this one will mostly be writing, as i'm currently drawing a skytober piece heehee. Q1. where did your skykid originally fall? A. Lumi originally fell in the Isle of Dawn! I originally grappled with the idea that she felt in the zone where the Little Prince event was held - primarily because the moon is always shining there, and Lumi's entire THING is moon, triple goddes, and maiden imagery. However, I like how somber and empty the Isle of Dawn is, and I wanted to stick with one of the "main" areas. Additionally, because Lumi is my "main" skykid, Lux and Lune also fell with her there. Where Lumi goes, they follow. Q6. how does your skykid feel about the elders? A. Lumi herself is actually quite separated from the main story! She has her own stuff going on. Her 'story' for lack of a better term would more accurately be described as moving along in parallel with the actual game story. Thus, she doesn't actually have much of a connection to the Elders at all past learning about them through the land and area tidbits. She sort of views the Elders in a nebulous and unreachable fashion, as a result; beings bigger and before herself that she has yet to connect too. Lux, as always, is always more concerned with Lumi's safety and happiness- so he also is pretty uninterested in the Elders. Lune, I would say, is the one that actually pays attention to any of that stuff - but he considers them dead and gone, and are concepts that should be moved on from.

Q7. what is your take on skys lore? A. Part of the reason why Lumi's personal lore is so separated from Sky lore itself is partially because I'm still learning about it! When I first started playing Sky Cotl, I didn't actually pay much attention to the subtle story going alongside it. I play another game, FFXIV, that took a lot of my attention at the time - Sky was more of a way to wind down for me and fly around after I finished Savage and Ultimate raiding in FFXIV. I'm going to go back and go over the lore for Sky later (well, the sparing lore that there is available), but for now? I don't actually have a very strong opinion of Sky lore one way or another! What I can say is that what I have gathered thusfar through just continuous play, I think it's good! It's interesting. I have a habit of finding games and lore and completely recontextualizing it for my own storytelling and fun-having purposes. While I like Sky's lore (what I internalized of it, at the very least), I'm much more interested in how I can take that lore and use it for my own creation. Lumi (and all my other fandom OC's, honestly) is an example of this; this is why I often will completely disregard the main story and imagine my own, while taking heavy inspiration and plot points for my own silly OC devices as I wish. To conclude, I think Sky lore is cool! But I don't actually know very much yet, because I'm far more interested in my own OC's and what the lore can do for them. The reason I don't provide much of a 'take' on it at the moment, is because I simply don't know much yet - and Lumi's story is quite removed from the lore itself save for being in the same 'universe', if that makes any sense.

She's from the moon, after all! She's quite isolated from the goings on of Sky Cotl in the first place.

[omniblades-and-stars]

8 and 9 for Crash and Korak i haven’t been totally normal and not bonkers at all about them in a while

8. Have they had struggles with their identity, be it due to internal or external reasons?

Crash: I don't know that Crash ever struggled with accepting who she was for herself. She bucked against her society's expectations and treatment of her because of her gender, but she did not have a period where she wasn't sure who or what she identified as. But the external pressures were great and terribly and so she just left. Her homeworld failed her, and she felt like she didn't owe it anything just because she is a woman.

Korak: I think Korak may have struggled at first. Not necessarily a great, earth-shattering period of struggle. His life as an older teen and young man was filled with a lot of trouble, both about his identity and just his station in life in general. Realizing that he had no desire to marry a nice batarian girl or have a bunch of kids or keep living under the fucking Hegemony, it was all part of a big upheaval in his life.

9. Are there cultural or lore specific aspects to their identity? If applicable, does their species affect it?

Crash: What? Like how she left Tuchanka feeling bitter and unfairly burdened with the expectations the krogan place on their women for carrying their species forward? Is her identity specific to her culture or species?

No, I don't think so at all.

I'm just kidding, of course her identity has a lot to do with her culture and species. Often times in spite of it. Her choice to leave and go "freelancing" like many of the males of her species do, is informed my her cultural identity. How she presents herself, wearing armor, toting at least one gun at all times, is very much informed by how we see the krogan in the canon operate. Or how we see the men operate.

The part of her that's asexual and aromantic may or may not be informed by her cultural identity. We see a lot of krogan who seem wholly uninterested in "romantic love", but we have some examples of others that do. Regardless, what's most important to her is her friendships, her "found family" if you will. She's happy and fulfilled, and living her best life.

Korak: Honestly, it's difficult for me to answer this one, as we aren't given a lot about batarian culture other than like some basic beats about why they're the worst people ever and the Hegemony sucks (that part is definitely true). So it's hard for me, as I haven't done tons of work figuring out cultural touchstones and social expectations other than really basic like religion stuff, to say what part, if any, of his identity is informed by his culture.

But I think … it would be kind of silly for it not to be. We're all informed by our culture and society, both in the ways that we follow along with it and in the ways we actively push back against it. So, even though I haven't really thought about specifics, of course there are going to be pieces of his identity that are colored by where he was from and how he was raised.

[seumyo]

hi! try this :) https://pin.it/13pr3efSy https://pin.it/135PXK007

THIS LOOKS SO FUN WHAT 😼 ofc I’ll try it out (there’s a lot of yapping under the cut WHAHHEJW)

HAIKYUU!! VER. + MHA VER. (for those who want to try !)

The Haikyuu!! one I can definitely see, mwahaha 🙂‍↕️

My glorious underrated loml Aran as my classmate, he would not be too thrilled to have me as a classmate/seatmate for the sole reason that I talk a lot whenever I’m comfortable with the person I’m talking to (I speak too quickly irl HELPP). That or I’m just silently next to him (I have a bad case of scary resting face which makes me look unapproachable and crabbed) 😭 BUT I’M A SMART AND NICE COOKIE SO ARAN PLS DON’T BE SCARED TO APPROACH ME 🤧

HECK YES 🔥🔥 KIYOKO AS MY MENTOR 🥳 she will guide me through the basics of manager duties while I ask her about track and field (I’m unathletic as heck and embarrassed myself twice when I tried to play volleyball—I made the team though in elementary as a middle blocker 🔥🔥 but not in high school tho bcs that was a dark and tough time 😔)

Ushijima WAKATOSHI?? USHIWAKA?? give him a smooch as I step on a stepping stool 😚 He would strain his neck just to look at me whenever I talk to him and that’s just romantic 🥰🫵 pure love idk about y’all. I had a classmate in high school who was 6 flat (182.88cm) AND BOY HE WAS TALL 😮 I can’t be seen standing next to Ushiwaka because that man would get scoliosis if he was in a relationship w/ me (the only way to salvage this relationship is to just hug each other and no eye contact/kissing to save both of our skeletal systems)

RIVAL?? KAORI?? nah, that’s my bff 😋

Suna as my bff is surprising 🫣 ig we share a lot in common (probably both have mild scoliosis) I WILL BE THE RECEIVER OF HIS RANT ABT THE MIYA TWINS’ ANTICS as i cry over the hardships of being a third-year (I’m getting high school flashbacks as an incoming freshman) 😼

This confirms it. I am the middle child of the Haiba family. But the height makes other ppl question it (I’m def adopted 😨) I’M ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING 😭😭 I just match their energies well <33

Inarizaki as my school 😝 I am definitely on a scholarship bcs in no way am I able to afford that school for three years of high school🙂‍↕️ (I’m cooked cause I barely pass scholarship exams)

And Osamu as my childhood friend just ties this all together 😋

The MHA one.. now buckle up

My queen sugarplum honeybunch darling lovey dovey Momo 🙇 I love her sm. She could run me over with one of her expensive cars and I would wipe and polish the car

Bakugou and Kirishima as my bffs... I’m running 😭 jk I love them with all of my heart BAKUGOU WOULD NOT STAND MY SLOWNESS “what do you mean you forgot the formula when we’re calculating for time? we learned about this yesterday, dipshit!” isn’t he fun 🥰 my constant “huh?” would have me blown up to another dimension <33 Now Kiri, Kiri is another story. I love this man, this man and his personality. So we just get along and make manly friendship bracelets 🔥

Cementoss as my teacher.. I WOULD BE HIS FAV STUDENT NGL I love Modern Lit. My strongest subject, the light in the dark times (cough cough physics) YESSIR

RIVAL?? TODOROKI?? i can see it 🧐🧐 season 1 todoroki was cold af tho 🥶 i would cry internally if he ever rolls his eyes at me 😔 darn nepo babies 😓😓 JK I think we’d get along in the later seasons, but the rivalry would probably be academic (my self-insert quirk is just.. not built to go toe-to-toe with his ☹️)

Navel Laser.. chat my brother and I are cooked. Aoyama as my brother 10/10 but getting tummy aches after we use our Quirks + the same time as period cramps?? put me on the dnr list and never ressurect me ever again -10000/10

Sato and I just sitting next to each other like 👁️👁️

Mineta as my childhood friend—how about NO 😁

me when this silly little activity turned into an unofficial alternate version of my self-insert lore:

[ochrefic]

Tell us about the sin-eater AU!

anon you complete me

this barely even discusses the actual story because there’s so much setup. the sin eater au has very complicated lore for something which is mostly about everyone suffering a lot. i apologize in advance

this is a modern world with magic, but it’s not very powerful. the average person mostly interacts with it in the form of purchased physical objects. the average person is able to sense magic— for instance, walking up to an enchanted object, one can likely sense the power, the temperament, and the purpose of the enchantment. they can also tell some things about other people’s internal magic.

everyone has internal magic. if you don’t it is because you are dead. your internal magic is affected by a lot of things. sometimes your physical health but mostly mental nonsense*. it can get corrupted due to the aforementioned mental nonsense, which is a tiny bit unfun.

(*this is debated** in-universe, we will come back to that in a later post)

(**"debated", we’ll come back to that in a later post)

the vast majority of people cannot do anything with their internal magic. they have no way to access it in a conscious manner. a few people are able to consciously access their magic— “magic users”.. this is sort of but not totally genetic, but in any case you cannot become a magic user on purpose. you have it or you don’t.

having access to your internal magic is mostly not a good thing. there are very few Actual Magicians because trying to do anything notable with it means studying it as a discipline, which is like learning engineering and law at the same time while going to trade school on the weekends. if you don’t want to go to superhell college, you can practice a reasonable amount and then you can do silly little party tricks. which is cool and fun!

however.

a person’s body can only contain so much magic. if you are normal and don’t have any way to consciously access yours, your body handles it for you— you’ll gradually produce more if you lose it, you won’t end up with more magic than you’re supposed to have, everything will be chill and fine.

if you are a magic user, you are theoretically capable of decreasing your internal magic via performing spells, so your body decides not to be helpful. if you have somehow acquired too much magic, you gotta get rid of it on your own.

magic users can mess with the magic of non-users. you can give magic to someone or take it away from them.

again, normal people can’t use their own magic but can perceive the magic inside of objects or other organisms. some people can use magic, which may not be good for them. here’s a third category for you to remember: a small number of people are completely unable to perceive magic at all— they are “magicblind”. this is mostly not a problem.

*****

after Many Words, we have arrived at the prologue.

john’s family belongs to a religious community which is toeing the line between “slightly weird people with unethical beliefs” and “cult”. they are christian but most of their theological beliefs aren’t super relevant

things they believe which are relevant and (very) controversial:

magic is ‘witchcraft’, which means it is evil and bad.

having corrupted magic is a sign of having sinned, and to cleanse yourself of that sin you must remove the corrupted magic.

being a magic user means that you have been chosen to act as the eater of sin for your community; this is, supposedly an honor. it is your duty to listen to the wrongdoings of your community members, to take their corrupted magic from them, and to keep it inside yourself literally forever. you are not allowed to say no.

john was eleven when he finally got caught shaking sparks from the ends of his fingers. he was twelve when he started taking sins. he was twelve, and the parents of his schoolmates were telling him about how they drink too much and they yell at their wife and they beat their children and they wish their spouse was dead, and he would take their hands and look them in the eyes and scoop out the rotten twisted bits of their magic and bury them inside himself as deeply as he could.

after a while it started to show no matter how much he tried to hide it. corrupted magic doesn’t smell, exactly, but it produces a similar sense of repulsion. his schoolmates began to look at him with disgust. their parents began to fear him. he moves his bedroom to the top floor of the house because his aura keeps his siblings from falling asleep. his mother doesn't touch him anymore.

it began to make him sick, eventually. it is a sickness that cannot be chased away, and one for which he gets no sympathy. it is a duty and it is an honor and he does as he is told. he is resigned to it. but it is a very lonely and painful path to walk. he cannot imagine anything else, but there is very little light left in his days. other than duty there is very little left to live for.

until the new foster kid with flyaway hair and ripped denim trousers sits next to him without seeming even to notice what he is.

[sequencefairy]

(Under a cut so people can skip if they want but I have Opinions™ about some of the Watcher shows)

So, I am one of those people who stopped watching Puppet History fairly early on in it’s run. I watched the first season, and I think probably most of both the second and third seasons, and then I’ve just fallen off entirely. I was talking to a friend about why I dipped, and initially I posited that the reason was that I got busy and got behind and just never caught up, but there’s plenty of things that I miss when I’m busy and still manage to catch up on, so it’s clearly not a priority for me. 

I thought about it some more, and wondered if maybe it was the songs. I don’t like them. Never have. They’re not my thing, I usually turn the episodes I have watched off before I get to them. They give me wicked bad secondhand embarrassment, which is totally a me thing, and my own baggage, and not the fault of the show. So that’s probably a contributing factor to why I never bothered to catch up, but it’s certainly not the reason why I stopped watching, since I was quite happily just skipping them in the early seasons.

The next thing that came up has been the increase in amount, depth and complexity of the Other Story that is happening behind the puppet show about history. And to be quite frank, this is the primary reason why I think the show used to be a good show and now it isn’t and hasn’t been for a while.

PH currently suffers from the same problem that AYS has long suffered from - they don’t know what they want to prioritize in the show and so none of the competing options get the time or attention they deserve. AYS seems to want to both be funny and spooky, but Watcher already has a funny spooky show - that’s TMS. AYS should lean into the spooky aspect, but because the format demands that Ryan and Shane break the atmosphere and tension of retelling of the spooky story, it doesn’t work as a spooky show, and because, let’s face it, riffing on a horror story is not really the best subject matter for jokes, it’s not that funny either!

Similarly, PH used to be a show about history, told a bit irreverently, with a game show aspect associated so they could have a reason to have guests. It had the vibe of Ruining History, extrapolated, and I loved it. I love learning about historical events that we don’t usually hear about, especially ones that are a little salacious and a lot silly. Unfortunately, PH is now a show that is not actually about history anymore and has become a show that is about this ongoing backstory that requires you to pay attention and watch episodes in order and keep up.

This is why I don’t watch anymore. 

Even if the bulk of the ‘lore’ is kept to the ends of the episodes, they still cut in and out in the episode, so there’s no way to just watch the history bits that I like, without also watching all the other nonsense, which just feels like the hot daga with more money. At least the hot daga had the decency to be attached to the PMs, so I didn’t have to skip through BFU episodes in order to watch the show that I want to watch. 

If they want to make a show about the puppets and their rich internal lives, by all means, Watcher should do that. But like, not at the expense of what used to be one of their flagship shows, and is now something I fully ignore for the six weeks it’s on youtube every year. I don’t think I’m alone in this either, there’s definitely folks in my regular circle who have dipped on this show for reasons similar to mine, and I’m sure that means there are others out there.

I’m happy that Shane’s having fun telling this story, but I also think that because of this, the history parts of the episodes have gotten shorter and less well done and I’d love to see them re-focus and re-prioritize. If the show isn’t going to be a history lesson anymore, then fine, let it not be, but just like AYS is undercut by the way they don’t seem to be able to decide whether it’s supposed to be funny or scary, and so it ends up being neither, PH is neither a good history show or a good show about a time-travelling puppet.

[suntails]

AAA OMG thank you so much for answering my question! ok ok ok so! first up for the fic desires, right out of the gate - I don't like smut (as a sex-repulsed asexual I find reading about it not fun). also I don't like reading whump that much unless it has a good ending. as for not wanted ships, anything is fine unless it's incest or pedophilia. characters/interactions are a bit harder to pin down, but I know I don't want any fics that involve self-inserts, y/n, or ocs as the main focus, I'd much rather be distanced from the story being told than directly involved in it, if that makes sense? I'd like to read something involving Idia or Ortho or any of the Hades dorm (idk its in-universe name) characters - there doesn't seem to be a lot involving them, at least not that I've found yet. stuff involving the octotrio would also be good, love me some angsty merboys. maybe some stuff with Riddle and the other Heartslybule (idk if that's how it's spelled) students too? if you have any fics involving transformation or body-swapping, those are tropes I really like (I'm reasonably sure that at least some of the Diasomnia students have dragon or half-dragon forms but so far I haven't found anything involving them actually transforming?) In addition, what fics involving the Diasomnia students do you think are the best? (since you are the resident expert in that field, 90% is impressive.) thank you again for answering my ask so enthusiastically, I'm sure you'll be a great help. :)

okay cool beans, ty ty!!! hmm i am,,, unfortunately just abt the worst person you could come to for ignihyde or octavinelle stuff, i so rarely click anything from those dorms. regardless, ill give a list of stuff below!! i will add a little description to give u a feel and if it's something u don't vibe with or a ship u don't wanna read, j skip and try something else, hopefully something here will work for u!

And You Think, "No Escape" (ongoing) GEN – i'm a few chapters behind on this one bc life kicked me, but very good gen fic thus far! mainly focused around the previous overblotters in a weird sidequest treasure hunt forced by some bad guys, with trey and cater in the BG tryna help their situation. VERY long chapters and updates very regularly, so would likely provide a good amount of content

Night Raven Kindergarten (ongoing) GEN – cater is the main char, but he and trey are kindergarten teachers for a selection of the cast as kids!! VERY cute and fun, and delves into the kids' lives at home in rly heartfelt ways that hit, the problems feel nuanced and well-written, and the chars all feel so themselves. whitenoface is the author and i like a lot of their work, i'm recing another work from them later on

Briar Scion (ongoing) Idiasil – p long idiasil fic where the story itself is rly what caught my attention, and now im along for the ride. the premise is rly interesting where essentially like,,, nature itself loves silver, and wants to marry him? so nature is encroaching on school turf while interpersonal romance happens around the plot, its a fun concept! yuu is in it in the bg a bit but its not like,, self-insert or OC, so hopefully u won't mind. updates regularly!

when we don't have the words, chocolate can speak volumes (completed) Idiasil – cute, 30k or so idiasil!! largely focuses on the second years as a group working at the mostro lounge, as silver asks for advice from them respectively and idia works up the nerve in the bg to come in to say hi to silver. mostly just a cute silly story, not as intricate a plot but a fun read!

The Queen's Court (completed) Catervil – first of all, azurith is a FANTASTIC writer, and i highly recommend literally anything they've ever written. this rec branches beyond this fic, but this was my start. this covers cater interning for maleficient herself, and then delves into his newfound connection to the draconias while covering fae history and previous war, etc, it's FANTASTIC and this lore is upheld in a lot of their other work. "Enchanted" is another ongoing work by azurith with cater as a diasomnia student, updates regularly and is very good!! azurith is largely a catervil writer but i think their work is far more important than a preference for ship, i'd rec even if u don't care abt catervil

Snow Is Falling (completed) Cater-focused – idk if u can tell but i like cater interacting w diasomnia content, this is where he goes to briar valley for winter break instead of back home! around 15k, just focuses on his interactions with the diasomnia people while staying with lilia and silver, p short and sweet but v nice :D

devoted malediction (orphaned) malledeuce – of all the fics on this list, this is the one ur most likely to skip. i found this on a WHIM while scouring every existing diasomnia ship tag and was so stunned at the audacity of someone to ship malleus and DEUCE, and to write 140k+ words abt it, that i had to read it. i can't explain it with words,,, the writing style reads so differently than anything else i've ever read, it reads as a STYLE rather than simply reading as 'well-written,' it rly kept my attention. essentially, it's a ...human? au? they're coworkers at a game dev studio, they're human but there's still magic, i can't explain it. there's underground plot-shit with the magic factions or whatever that's so interesting, but it IS orphaned so it'll never update again. i'm devastated. i can't sell this fic to anyone bc of the ship and the length but i enjoyed it very deeply and i'll miss it

Fath-- I mean, Lilia (completed) lilia & silver – ALSO by whitenoface, very sweet familial content of them through silver's life. a 10k must-read for a diasomnia fan

Even a Vanrouge Must Rest (completed) lilia & silver – VERY short and VERY sad but i am legally obligated to rec this. i'd be a bad diasomnia fan if i didn't, very heartbreaking and touching story

Crocodile Teeth (completed) Silsebe – sebek overblot story, decent length and p well written, sebek is infuriating which is Correct for sebek and Correct for someone on their way to an overblot. i've read most of magicalfish's work but i can't rec most to u due to nsfw, this is one of the better silsebe fics out there!!!

Just Out of Reach (ongoing) Silsebe – it DOES update, just not on a regular basis. VERY VERY good fic that FEELS slow-burn, it's 50k+ so far and still feels like the build is just starting up well now. essentially, silver and sebek get in a big fight and lilia magically makes them stay side-by-side till they understand each other, so it analyzes how despite their closeness in their upbringings and how they are partners in their roles as malleus's knights, they don't rly get each other yet and need to cultivate their relationship so it doesn't crumble. very nice story thus far and i look forward to updates!!

WHOOOOKAY that's a lot, i actually don't rly use bookmarks bc i'm typically on incognito on my phone, so i may be missing some, but these came to mind based on ur asks!! if u wanted more for ignihyde, octavinelle, or heartslabyul, i'd rec asking someone else bc i'm truly not the best source ^^;

[cryptwretch]

hey, i wrote a ridiculously long post about some of my personal feelings about bg3. it's stuff that's been on my mind for a while but never really fully voiced. a mutual made a post earlier that got me thinking and talking about it, which made me want to write about it more, and i ended up basically writing an entire fucking essay. sorry. anyway, it's below the break. major spoilers, particularly for shadowheart, and also since i'm tagging this and more than my usual audience of like six mutuals can hypothetically see it, cw for religious trauma and internalized homo/transphobia.

i really enjoyed bg3 while playing through it the first time, like, to a ridiculous degree. i was obsessed, i was entranced. all my free time was spent with it, and any time i wasn't playing was spent zoning out and thinking about going home and locking myself in my cave and playing it for as long as possible (and all this is after having played through act 1 in early access at least twice). and then, you know, i beat it, i started a new playthrough, played that for a few hours and then i fell off of it pretty quick after that. the spell wore off. and then i started really thinking about it and i realized i don't actually think i like it all that much.

i know that sounds kind of silly, and don't get me wrong, i'm not saying it's a bad game, because it isn't. it's a fantastic rpg, i was entranced for a reason. there's just so much about it that rubs me the wrong way. i noticed this at the time and pushed through anyway, but now, in retrospect, i can't really get away from it. and so much of that has to do with the inherent baggage of the world it's set in, fucking Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms.

so i fucking adore shadowheart. like, so much, for a lot of reasons. i latched onto her like a lovesick puppy (haha get it, like that one ambient line she says) basically immediately. since i love her so much, she and her story will kind of be the focus here, specifically due to my personal experience of playing her romance route as a selûnite cleric, which is something i know a ton of people did too and probably enjoyed, but was deeply disappointing to me for personal reasons. of course, given the setting, i don't really know what i was expecting. this is far from being my only beef with the game, but it's the thing i think about the most.

shadowheart starts the game as a cleric of shar, goddess of night, loss, secrets, and forgetfulness. shar is a capital E Evil deity, which means something concrete in Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms, where Good and Evil aren't abstract concepts, but literal cosmic forces. shadowheart, however, isn't very evil at all. she's secretive, standoffish, pragmatic, but not evil. she disapproves of cruelty, she actually generally likes it when you help people even if she's not very enthusiastic about it. if you're familiar with The Lore, this, along with her suppressed memories, is kind of supposed to be your early hint that she's not a "real" sharran, that her devotion is artificial, forced onto her.

this is one of the big things that drew me to her in the first place. i am a transgender woman and a bisexual, and i was raised by highly conservative evangelical christians. basically, this means i was raised to be something that i fundamentally wasn't, and beyond that, i was raised to hate and fear people like me. when confronted with the idea that i was different, that i wasn't what i had been raised to be, i would recoil, get defensive, retreat into denial. i spent my entire childhood and much of my young adulthood deathly afraid, because deep down i knew i wasn't like them. i knew i wasn't straight, i knew i wasn't masculine, and i knew that if these things were true, i would be punished for it, in this life and the next. and i saw a lot of that in shadowheart. shadowheart isn't like other sharrans, but she's been raised to be one. she desperately wants their approval, and the approval of her dark lady. she wants to prove herself, to fit in, so very badly. i couldn't help but see myself in her. this is also why i just cannot get behind the idea of encouraging her to stay a sharran and become a dark justiciar at her big turning point. i simply can't separate it in my head from my own experience. like, yeah yeah, evil woman hot, of course, sure, whatever, but to me, it's just condemning her to a life of losing herself to zealotry and hatred, eternally and irrevocably devoted to the people and goddess who stole her childhood and molded her into something she was never meant to be. i just can't abide that.

but that's not really what i'm talking about, and i'm probably gonna sound like i'm contradicting myself a bit going forward. sorry, just bear with me, hopefully it'll all make sense.

i played as a selûnite cleric specifically with the intention of doing shadowheart's romance plot, and i did that because i thought it might make it a little spicy, throw some extra conflict in. it did, kinda. i've posted before about how she calls you "selûnite" with so much venom it sounds like a slur and it's kind of hot. there's not actually a whole lot of reactivity to it, but you can have a few extra conversations or debates about your doctrinal differences, she taunts you a little bit in the ruined temple of selûne the goblins are camped in, you know, that kind of thing. it's fun, but not game changing. otherwise, the romance proceeds basically the same as it would have if you weren't a selûnite, up until the big decision at the end of shar's gauntlet, and that's where it ceased to be fun for me. i basically did not pick any selûnite dialog options with her at all from that point onward, because it simply felt wrong.

at the moment of the decision itself, i picked only options that let her make the decision for herself, which led her to spare aylin of her own accord. but after that, the options started to feel like the insufferable Definitely-Not-Gloating of a christian who has managed to successfully convert someone. those options basically recontextualized the whole thing in my head, the whole relationship. i went into the thing thinking, you know, "oh wow, two priestesses of opposing goddesses falling in love with each other despite it all, how cool, how romantic, how will they make it work," etc. but like, this is Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms. my goddess is ontologically Good, her goddess is ontologically Evil. again, i don't know what i expected. was i hoping maybe we'd both abandon our churches, or we'd develop some kind of heretical synthesis of the two doctrines? there is kind of a nod to that sort of possibility in dialogue, where you can tell shadowheart in the early stages of your relationship that you're like two sides of the same coin and you compliment each other. but in the end, those are really just utterly silly things to hope for in this setting. there was only a couple of ways it could have gone. either we both succumb to zealotry and kill each other, or one of us converts. and when it came down to it, everything in me was just absolutely repulsed by the realization. the selûnite options made it feel like the conversion was the whole point, that it had been my character's goal the whole time, and i hated it.

i know that sounds extremely silly, trust me! i was talking about how shadowheart staying a sharran is basically her bad ending! but i'm going somewhere with this, and it can all be traced to the setting too.

the thing about sharran doctrine is that there really isn't anything actually evil about it, looking at it for what it is. sharrans embrace loss and seek comfort in darkness, teaching that acceptance of loss is a good thing, and one can come out of loss stronger. it's a logical choice for people in mourning, or after unexpected life events. one can easily imagine a real world polytheist praying to shar or an equivalent after losing someone important to them or losing their home or something like that. but this is Dungeons and Dragons Forgotten Realms, and shar is capital E Evil. in The Lore, shar is a twisted sadist, full of malice and pettiness and hatred, and her church reflects that. they take a predatory stance, preying on people experiencing loss, and aren't above engineering the kinds of events that would draw potential worshipers to her fold, which is pretty much exactly what happened to shadowheart. she was the daughter of a selûnite couple, stolen and raised sharran just to make a point, out of pure spite. selûne, on the other hand is capital G Good, just like her church. she's all about guidance, compassion, moonlit nights. her doctrine is easy, unoffensive (shadowheart loves to point this out and mock you for it), and it draws lots of followers on its own. sharrans and selûnites fucking hate each other, mostly because shar and selûne fucking hate each other, mostly because they occupy opposing roles in the cosmology and that's that. because shar is Evil, her church is also Evil.

i guess what i'm trying to say here is that in my head, which simply does not think that way, i expected nuance that could never have been there. of course my character Saved shadowheart. she's Good and her church is Good, and shadowheart is a Good person who is just misguided, misled into Darkness, who just needs to be shown the Light. what does that sound like to you? why would this leave a bad taste in my mouth as someone with my particular background? the whole thing struck me as insufferably christian, disgustingly evangelical, completely reflective of that worldview and entirely uncritical of it. and like, at the end of the day, this whole setting, and dungeons and dragons as a game system, is built on and wholly dependent on that very attitude.

once again, I Don't Know What I Expected. i went into the thing with unrealistic expectations despite what i already knew about this setting, which i've been familiar with since i was a teenager. that is on me, i'm kind of the idiot here. lots of other people have talked about the problems this setting has since this game came out, especially the infamous case of the goblin children that there are no consequences for murdering (because they're Evil, you see). this is just something that really stuck out to me, personally, i guess because of how much i saw myself in shadowheart. the funny thing that makes me feel especially silly about this whole thing and this whole post is that it all probably wouldn't have even occurred to me if i hadn't been playing a selûnite. if i had been like a rogue or whatever and had let shadowheart come to the decision by herself the same way, i probably would have just felt like a loving partner who could be there for her through a difficult transition (lol hm). but i was the rival cleric instead, and my doctrine, Good and True and Objectively Morally Correct, had won. i'd Saved her, and I hated it.