#baz is weak for simon and we all know this

[blackberrysummerblog]

Happy Easter to all of you who celebrate! After a rotten Friday at the animal shelter where I work, I got a very pleasant surprise yesterday when a pregnant stray who came in gave birth to five live and healthy kittens! I might share some pics later on :) In the meantime, thank you @forabeatofadrum and @you-remind-me-of-the-babe for the tags this morning, as well as everyone else who’s continued to tag me on other days. I’ve been pretty slow writing lately, but I do have some shares this week!

First, a bit of kid!Baz POV from my COBB:

In the afternoons, I do my homework as soon as we get home and sometimes call my father. He never has much to say. I’ll offer to help Dev with his work and then water the herbs in the conservatory, reminding myself of the names and uses of each one. Dogtooth violet to stop gossip, bay leaves for wish making and prophetic dreams. Tarragon for confidence, St. John’s Wort to stave off colds and fevers. Basil can drive off dark spirits. I rub the leaves between my fingers, remembering Ebb’s lessons as the fresh summer scent breaks across my skin. “Basil can dispel confusion, boys. It turns back fear and weakness, and is used in exorcisms. Carry it with you to protect yourselves from danger, or spread it on the ground to keep away evil. It’s also sometimes used to bring lovers together.” Dev had elbowed me and sniggered, because of course we both associate the herb with my name. I don’t see how any of it relates to me, but it doesn’t really matter. It’s just what I’m called.

And the next is from a sequel I suddenly started writing to Field Trip of Dreams (god I still hate that that’s the title I gave it). I wouldn’t say it’s necessary to read the first fic, although it gives context for the fact that Baz and Simon are dating in eighth year, and everyone but the Mage knows it. It’s a longish share, but I’m enjoying writing so have it:

“Isolation Cabin?” Basilton is repeating in disbelief. His eyes narrow. “But Sir, whatever will we do if we get to talking and discover we were separated at birth?”

Simon understandably pales, but Davy merely snorts and waves a dismissive hand. “Unlikely, Mr. Pitch. Now, both of you grab your rucksacks while I conjure a bird to lead you to the cabin. It’s…out of the way.”

The rest of the students are in fits, but of course Davy doesn’t notice. He pays attention to nothing and nobody when he thinks he’s in the right. Simon has shouldered his own pack and is staring into the middle distance, refusing to look at anyone. Of course, Natasha Pitch’s son has to get in one last dig: “What’s next, a get-along shirt?”

Basilton’s unimpressed expression is fooling no one—I know blessed well that he’d only love that. “Davy,” I try one last time. “This weekend is supposed to be providing these students with a chance to learn how to get along as a community of mages. Splitting two of them off will deprive them of the chance—”

“Miss Possibelf.” I suppose it’s amusing that after all these years Davy doesn’t dare use my first name. “I know what I’m doing. Boys this age need a firm hand—” How does he not hear the sniggering going on behind him? “—and I’ve had just about enough.” After seven years. Seven years, and he’s had enough? Davy finally acknowledges me enough to turn and lower his voice. “Quite frankly, one of them has nothing to learn about survival, while the other doesn’t need to.” This last part is said in a hushed whisper, even though from the way Basilton’s eyebrow lifts, I’m certain he heard it.

I share his disdain for the sentiment, however, I’m not particularly concerned about his chances—here, or anywhere else. “Fine,” I snap, throwing my hands up. It’s not as though this trip isn’t always an annual excuse for all kinds of unsanctioned…exploration. Simon and Basilton aren’t likely to get up to anything they haven’t already, and I have bigger fish to fry given the amount of alcohol students traditionally smuggle on this fool’s exercise. David Cadwallader can be as blind as he likes, but some of us are left nursing the hangovers.

No pressure holiday tags: @rimeswithpurple, @artsyunderstudy, @cutestkilla, @c0nsumemy5oul, @tender-ministrations, @nausikaaa, @thewholelemon, @orange-peony, @youarenevertooold, @carryonsimoncarryonbaz, @ivelovedhimthroughworse, @letraspal, @bookish-bogwitch, @nightimedreamersghost, @aristocratic-otter, @brilla-brilla-estrellita, @hushed-chorus, @prettygoododds, @supercutedinosaurs, @shutup-andletme-go, @aceumbrellaheroes, @asocialpessimist, @wellbelesbian, @ic3-que3n, @raenestee , @larkral, @facewithoutheart, @papierhaikuphoto, @cows4247, @stitchy-queerista, @carry-on-big-bang, @imagineacoolusername, @ileadacharmedlife, @confused-bi-queer, @j-nipper-95, @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists, @iamamythologicalcreature, @bazzybelle, @valeffelees

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Yet another long post, this time with clickbait-y titles for readability purposes,

Simon has "a type"

Thinking about the ways in which Agatha and Baz share similarities, and how that might lead to the conclusion of "Simon has a type" (which MRB so succinctly summarizes as "better than me") and... I think that's right, but notably: it's not just about dating choices. It extends to other areas of his life. It's also platonic.

I mean, Penny is his type. She's arguably the first person Simon has ever truly loved, the first relationship he forms in which he experiences real love... and she's a very competent person. She excels in areas Simon is interested in. When we meet him, he would tell you he's useless without her. "Better than me" can translate to "I'm a mess and I like to surround myself with people who help me keep it together."

Being traditionally beautiful can be seen as a form of "excelling," especially when you're a girl who is into traditionally girly things (like wearing make-up). Agatha is "prettier than all the other girls" and has nicer clothes and a nicer house, and Simon, who has no fucking self-esteem, tells you "pretty sure she likes being better than others" and likely likes her not despite her being a stuck up; it's "part of the charm." However, liking her doesn't mean he's into her. Simon likes her how he likes Penny: when Simon talks about hating that Agatha is no longer talking to him and essentially "not wanting to lose" her (while, tellingly, not doing shit to prevent this) he proceeds to tell you all about Agatha The Friend. Simon dedicates the entire page to telling you the kind of friend she is where he (very tellingly) should be talking to you about Agatha "The Girlfriend." He never tells you how the fuck they started dating; he tells you how they became friends. What Simon doesn't want to lose is her friendship.

I think "having a type" that applies not just to dating (on top of the heteronormativity of it all and Simon liking to not think at all) would actually make things more complicated for Simon ("do I like them as a person vs do I like like them, platonic attraction vs romantic and/or sexual attraction). Penny, who fits "Simon's type" is obviously like a sister to him. A bestie, a ride-or-die. If you think about it, Agatha is also like a sister – like an older sister figure, in some ways (likely contributing to how wrong it feels, them dating; the more info we get, the worst it feels). She's the "eww don't chew with your mouth open" person, the "please stop getting into trouble, Simon" person. It fits with "helping to keep it together" even if Simon doesn't listen. It must be nice too, because she's not just being judgemental for the sake of it either, she simply cares about him; something Simon doesn't experience often. (More grimly, dating her kinda fits within that too, because Simon doesn't know what to do with himself when he experiences romantic love and sexual attraction, famously not mild or easy to manage feelings – just look at him regularly losing his shit around Baz – and Simon not having those feelings for Agatha helped him exist not processing shit, even though that created other problems).

I would say that both Penny and Agatha are close friends and like sisters to Simon, the main difference being: Agatha doesn't look like the kind of girl you just want to be platonic with, not for boys. It goes against expectations for him to be a boy, to be a hero and not want her romantically and sexually, and Simon cares very much about fulfilling expectations. (Also, these people are British so I'm just gonna say it: Agatha being the lily-white blonde embodying European beauty standards to a degree that's romanticized like there's no tomorrow vs Penny being a brown chubby girl with frizzy hair also plays into it, plus Agatha being weak with magic vs Penny being powerful. Not consciously, but it's part of the design of the stories and roles and expectations that were shaping their lives.)

Agatha "vs" Baz

Sure, they do have similarities, but things that would make Simon simply drawn to Agatha (platonically, although he was confused, heteronormativity, etc) are a turn-on with Baz. It's a turn-on when Baz is a little mean (without being actually hurtful) to him. It drives Simon crazy that Baz is good at everything he does. The things Agatha is good at are not actually interesting to Simon... He's all about magic and one of the first things he tells you about her is that she's a weak magician (while telling you Penny and Baz are powerful) (he even gets distracted with how good Baz is; his life is in danger and he's talking about Baz being good at magic). Going to her activities (like her games) are things he would be "obligated" to do because he's her boyfriend and he's supposed to support her. (In a similar way, he would be "obligated" to be there too with Penny, even if he's not interested in the activity, because he's her best friend, and it goes both ways... which is how Penny found herself stalking Baz alongside Simon at first haha). With Baz, there is no such obligation. He has no reason to go to all his games; he invents silly excuses (that he later admits where "obviously just excuses," he already knew Baz is a vampire etc) because he simply likes watching Baz being ruthless in the field. He simply likes listening to him play his violin. Simon shows interest even when he doesn't have to.

This is something that I picked on during my first read, and the more I think about it, the more I'm convinced I'm right. In some ways, Agatha embodies "female desirability" in Simon's and Baz's POV (she does something similar to them with the whole hero vs bad boy deal). She is "Simon's type," she's very similar to him (they share a braincell, if you will). In short: she seems like someone that Simon would be into... if he was into women. But he's not into her. Paraphrasing the author here: he "has no romantic instincts" and "he never expresses anything sexual" toward her. He likes her and she likes him, sure, but not like that. (Simon equating the way he can see Agatha is attractive to the way his gay boyfriend should be able to see it, Agatha equating the way she liked Simon to the way the girl she wants to jump would like him if she gave Simon a chance) (they share a braincell, I tell you.)

In CO, Simon tells us that he was always just "doing what he thought Agatha wanted." In awtwb, he thinks that he will give Baz "whatever he wants." On the surface, this might look like the same thing, but there are actually pretty notable differences.

With Agatha, in his own words, "he always got it wrong." He "never put her first" (he actually put her dead last, look at his list and the excuses he gives). Doing whatever he thought she wanted operates on assumptions, and doesn't contemplate his own wants. It can also be about guilt over knowing that Agatha, in the role of girlfriend, didn't have any priority in his life (hence she "always feeling like the third wheel" while they dated). Putting it all together, it's pretty clearly a sign of Simon's disinterest. Of Simon being unhappy and not actually wanting to be her boyfriend, because he doesn't love her. Doing what he assumed she wanted then it's a form of just complying, of following expectations and giving in to his role, of perhaps even trying to "make it up" for things not working without ever having to process shit.

With Baz, Simon wants. He tells you that he wants to be the person who takes care of Baz. He tells you that he likes it. Taking care of Baz is a love language (which explains how fucking murder is his love language: protection and proving for him) Simon tells us he can't think about anything else when Baz is unhappy. That it's thrilling to "make it better." "Giving him everything he wants" then it's a sign of Simon's interest. He wants to be with him, and he wants to make him happy, because he loves him. This is also not based on assumptions; it comes in the context of Baz telling him what he wants. Doing what Baz wants then it's a form of Simon giving himself to him, to their relationship, to putting in the work to make it work.

Types of comfort vs discomfort

Part of the differences jumped to me before the goat scene, when we see Baz arguing with Simon over hiding his wings in Agatha's POV, and as soon as she joins in to support Baz Simon gives up. I think a couple of things: it's more of a 2 vs 1, rather than Agatha having more weight than Baz. But also: Simon arguing over (and dismissing) concerns over safety is familiar ground for Agatha, and this comes after he apologized to her over their past together, so I wonder if part of it is Simon listening to her because he feels guilty over dismissing her concerns for safety in the past. Also, and more relevant to this post: Simon feels comfortable with Baz in ways he didn't with Agatha, which is notable given how Baz notes that Simon is comfortable with her in a way he is with few people...

What I mean by this is that Simon did date Agatha in survival mode. "Doing what he thought she wanted" is also survival. Just doing whatever needs to be done to keep the relationship, because is the one thing enabling the HEA fantasy that it's all about "maybe he won't die young and alone" in battle (and because of, again, the heteronormativity of it all). See how breaking up instantly leaves him with nowhere to go at Christmas and without access to adults who took care of him during that period ever since he started Watford. How wanting to break up with her would require him to pursue thoughts and feelings that would result in getting to know things about himself he wasn't ready for, things he didn't feel equipped to handle and that would make his existence in his role complicated, when his role was the one thing giving him purpose (hard enough being "enemies" without being aware he was in love with Baz).

I there's discomfort with both, but with Baz it's the "right" kind of discomfort. The "pushing myself to work through things that should be worked through and process my feelings" type of discomfort, the "getting to know myself" type of discomfort, as opposed to "I don't actually want to do the things I'm doing here" type of discomfort." (Just like how he was the "wrong kind" of comfortable with Agatha while they dated, the: "it's better to not think about anything ever and stick with what's familiar even when it makes you miserable" type of comfort, while it was likely an easy comfort when they were friends).

With Baz, Simon first feels comfortable enough to push and test boundaries before they start communicating. To say stop where with Agatha he likely just turned off his brain and pushed through. And then, he feels comfortable in ways he has never felt before. He feels comfortable enough to begin to think about his desires, his relationship with touch, his thoughts and feelings, which he never has before. To fully be himself in all his fucked up glory. To the point he reveals part of himself you wouldn't think where there when you first read him in CO, that completely re-contextualizes things we saw there even.

[shrekgogurt]

heyyy! heyyyyy…how y’all doing????

Thanks for still tagging me these past couple of weeks. I uhhhh went through a little uhhhhh brain bad moment. Nevertheless, she persisted. I wouldn’t say I’m at ‘we are so back’ levels yet, but I’m improving. As such, I have words for you—a healthy helping of rainsoaked Baz in these trying times. (IKABIKAM)

Simon POV, present:

When Baz settles into himself he looks otherworldly, like some supernatural being in a fable. He’s as fierce as the winds and nearly as fast. The harsh rain almost seems soft against his severe features. It sticks to him like sap—flattening his hair to his head and his kit to his body—yet fails to weigh him down. He only becomes more aerodynamic, feeding off the misery and converting it into speed.

And you know what??? Have some (implied) rainsoaked Simon to even the playing field.

Baz POV, present:

He looks like a battle worn warrior—shirt clinging to his heaving chest as he takes a well earned moment of reprieve.

Alright! I’m tagging back all you lovelies who were thinking of me. I’m sorry my reblog game as been weak as of late. @youarenevertooold @artsyunderstudy @forabeatofadrum @prettygoododds @alexalexinii @hushed-chorus @wellbelesbian @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @roomwithanopenfire @thewholelemon @cutestkilla @emeryhall @theearlgreymage

and actually also @facewithoutheart because they’re rainsoaked

[corvidares]

okay, so i just finished re-reading Any Way the Wind Blows and this feels so blatant as to be smacking me in the face: simon is disabled.

now, the reason why that makes itself even clearer in this book than in wayward son (where he, of course, also has the wings + tail) is because simon is once again in the world of mages - despite doing his best to leave it behind. compared to wayward son, where hes basically and literally in the wild west. where theres magical beings everywhere, where simon practically fits in because he is one.

but ill get back to that.

ive seen a lot of really interesting points about what simon's wings represent and mean, and i'm not disagreeing with those. but in a very literal sense, they are a disability.

think about it like this: the world of mages (and Normals) is not built for humanoids who have giant webbed wings and a tail. simon constantly struggles with controlling these limbs, and their size makes it ten times harder. spaces are too small, furniture and objects are broken when he spreads them, and many a shirt or jacket are ruined.

he struggles to find a good way to deal with this - spell them away? wear them out by cutting holes in things? fold them extremely painfully into his shirt? even though this last one is treated like a solution for a little while, its far from ideal. who is simon doing this for? himself, or everyone around him? yes, of course Normals cant see them. and yeah, hes expressed discomfort about baz and penny spelling them hidden. but thats not the point. even with this botch job of a way to "wear" his wings, which succeeds at hiding them from Normals, simon still states a couple times that he knows people stare at him and his seeming hunchback. i mean, thats blatant.

(he eventually, with shepard's help, realizes a good way to work around this - zippers or buckles on shirtbacks - which very much feels like an aha! disability aid moment)

im not saying disability is based in how people look at you, or it only being a societal thing. (as in, when he wasnt in the world of mages, he wasnt suddenly 'not disabled at all') disability is a huge spectrum. but those things absolutely can be a part of the disabled experience.

but all of that doesnt even get to my main point: simon has no magic anymore. and in the world of mages, thats a huge deal. magic is like living and breathing, especially for baz and penny. its not something they question or have to worry about not being able to call upon. hell, even before simon lost his magic he was disabled, just to a different extent.

before awtwb, we dont hear much about mages whose magic is weak. but they come to the forefront now - which just solidifies that solid magical ability = able bodiedness.

smith is promising a miracle cure. a cure. think of it like bullshit orgs such as aut!sm spe@ks, wanting to "cure" autism - he wants to cure people. (and hes just as full of shit) why? because weak magic is seen as a disease, a problem, even subhuman.

take daphne, baz's stepmom. her quality of life is fine, great. her weaker magic doesnt seem to put her at a disadvantage. she manages her disability well. but in comparison to the norm, to what is expected of the average mage, shes got nothing. less than nothing. she feels shame over what she cant do.

smith's case becomes even more blatant when we see, at the end of awtwb, that he wants to essentially cull weak magicians. that they're holding back society. that theyre better off as powerless as Normals - who are blatantly seen as subhuman - than as weak mages. much like how ableist rhetoric puts forward that disability is a fate worse than death.

which brings us back to simon. he insists hes a Normal, now or always has been. baz insists hes the most powerful magician to exist. both of them are wrong.

and right. and right and wrong.

simon is some third thing - not a mage, not a Normal. akin to how disability is its own minority aside from race or ethnicity he has a foot in each world, and he always has. but now he cant achieve blending into either.

this is why the increasing presence and humanization of other magical beings beside mages is so important (thank you shephard!) how mages tend to seem magical beings is very ableist. theyre subhuman, theyre not to be trusted, theyre freaks, theyre dirty, etc. except oops, how can you keep thinking that penny, when this very nice one works at a cafe and helped you translate shephard's engagement terms?

even baz and the events of wayward son play into this - yeah, some vampires are horrible people. but plenty, like baz, are just people. with a range of experiences and morals and ways of living life. (take nicodemus) (i could make a point about how simon's stalwart acceptance of baz's vampirism helps baz comes to terms with it and how this is also super disability coded, but thats another essay)

in the beginning of awtwb, he decides to go to the extreme opposite of his chosen one powered life - to live as a Normal, and the second step (after cutting himself off from baz and penny) is getting his wings removed.

except he cant do it. and even having his wings touched is horribly uncomfortable. now, this partly has to do with how much theyre sensual parts of his body - same as his tail. but its also, separately, very intimate. theyre treated very clinically, like a fascinating specimen to pore over. im not trying to give niamh shit here, just saying what i saw.

but theyre part of him. people with disabilities often deal with being stared at and poked and prodded by the medical field (if theyre not ignored or waved off. maybe both.). even every day folks feel the right to touch disabled folks, or their mobility aids.

for a lot of people, mobility aids are a part of them - its like a stranger touching your face and thinking theyre doing you a favor. when instead theyre being weird as fuck.

simon's status as previous chosen one even plays into this sort of thing - people see him more as a figurehead, for what he can and cant do (including his wings!) than a person. hes a tragedy, hes a hero. hes inspirational, hes to be pitied. sound familiar?

the end of awtwb doesnt spell out whether simon ends up deciding to keep his wings (frustratingly). but they spell out that he would absolutely would, in my opinion.

simon increasingly treats them as a natural extension of his body. think of the scene where he flies about the watford goats. how he expresses his feelings with his wings and tail. and of course, how he learns to let baz loves each and every part of him: including his dragon limbs.

baz loves him, and loves them, not in a fetishistic way, but because its simon, and he loves everything simon is. not just what he represents or can or cant do.

[aristocratic-otter]

Hey, I made it before midnight!

Thank you to: @messofthejess, @artsyunderstudy, @nightimedreamersghost, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @nausikaaa, @prettygoododds @facewithoutheart, @hushed-chorus, @shemakesmeforget, @that-disabled-princess, @prettygoododds, @youarenevertooold, @confused-bi-queer

First, slightly more than six sentences, because I’m so excited to share with you: From Saving Simon Snow:

I haven’t tried this yet. Ever since I felt the heat of Baz’s magic during the marriage ceremony, I’ve thought about it. But I was afraid it might be a fluke. That it might not mean what I think it means. 

If I’m going to keep Baz safe, it’s time to find out. Still, I whisper the spell almost under my breath.

“In Justice. In Courage. In Defence of the Weak. In the Face of the Mighty. Through Magic and Wisdom and Good.” 

As reliably as if I’d never lost my magic, the Sword of Mages materialises in my hand.

From Snow Fox

The first thing he did once most of the sick were well enough to walk, even if they wobbled a bit, was to order every man jack of us (including me!) into the river to wash off the accumulated grime of months living out of doors. 

The men grumbled, but it made a world of difference. With skin clean and free of itches, they already were smiling more easily and laughing again. And then he set the men to shaving and trimming each other’s overgrowth of head and facial hair, and that made us all look a right smart set. 

Baz took care of my grooming personally, in our shared tent the night after the communal bath. I still shiver at the memory of his hands smoothing over my skin as he shaved the sparse whiskers off of my chin, and at how his hands threaded delicately through my curls as he snipped at the excess length. 

From Stars, Flowers, and Children,

I don’t get what’s going on in Baz’s head. He’s seemed to enjoy the Christmas celebration we’ve been putting together. He threw himself into the decorating and carol singing with obvious pleasure. But today, he’s silent and sad again. Even when we took our morning swim/bath, and I tried to tease him into a game of tag like we used to play around the reef, he wouldn’t look at me and went ashore after only a minute or two. 

I don’t know what to do. 

And the last is under the cut for a hint of spice:

From TikTok Dancer

So, instead of answering the rest of his question, I turn to him abruptly and ask, “Can I blow you?”

His eyes bulge out and his mouth drops open. Then he just stares at me. I wait, patiently. I’m used to this. Most humans, even the not-shy ones, aren’t nearly as open about sex as my species is. 

His mouth works for several seconds before he finally manages to speak. “But we haven’t even kissed yet…” he says weakly. 

Big waves hello, and Tagging for next week: @chen-chen-chen-again-chen, @angelsfalling16, @bazzybelle, @bookish-bogwitch, @dragoneggos, @erzbethluna, @palimpsessed, @frjsti, @fatalfangirl, @ic3-que3n, @larkral, @letraspal, @martsonmars, @melodysmash, @moments-au-crayon22, @moodandmist, @mostlymaudlin, @onepintobean, @rimeswithpurple, @raenestee, @theearlgreymage, @tea-brigade, @thehoneyedhufflepuff, @upuntil6am, @whatevertheweather, @whogaveyoupermission.

[martsonmars]

Prompting you: aspec snowbaz (again, if you don't want to, that's fine), one or both of them in glasses, migraines, hurt/comfort

I hope you feel better soon! 💖

Thank you for the great prompts 💗

Read on AO3 or under the cut!

~~~

“You know I'd marry you if you wanted, right?”

The mattress dips as Simon ungracefully throws himself on the bed next to the huge blanket lump. The lump doesn't answer, just lets out a long, unintelligible groan. Uh. This is not the sound sad Baz makes. (Sad Baz makes no noise at all.)

“I'm sorry, babe,” Simon says, softly. He sits up and bends over his partner's shape to find their face between the blankets. Face that's nowhere to be seen. “I thought you were just feeling the holiday sadness. Migraine?”

The lump moves slightly, and Simon takes it as a yes. He should've seen it coming, but Baz always gets quiet around Christmas, so he assumed that was the problem when they didn't want to get out of bed in the morning.

“All right.” He gets up, his mind running through the practiced steps of How To Help Baz, but the blanket lump groans again.

“Don't leave.” Baz's voice is rough and weak, and Simon kneels on the floor next to where their head is supposed to be.

“I'll be right back.” He pats Baz's something awkwardly. He's not even sure Baz can feel it from inside their cocoon. “You know I always come back.”

Baz hums, and Simon quickly collects water, meds, a wet washcloth and Baz's favourite lavender oil. Then he sits again on the bed, his back against the headboard, and shakes Baz's shape gently.

“Get out of there now,” he whispers, starting to tug away one of the blankets. “You know you'll get overheated and only feel worse.”

Baz doesn't help him, but they don't protest as Simon keeps peeling off layers of their cocoon until their sweaty forehead and pained expression appear. Simon brushes their hair behind their ear, his hand lingering on their cheek.

“Do you think you can sit up a little bit? Or put your head in my lap?”

Waiting for an answer, Simon fights to turn on the lamp on his nightstand. The room is dark, but Baz hates being completely without light. That's why Simon bought soft glow lamps and arranged them all around the house — their light is not strong enough to hurt Baz when they have a migraine, but they're good to avoid pitch black rooms. This one is a cute frog casting a warm green light on the walls.

Baz scoots closer to Simon, bumping their head against his thigh.

“Here, babe,” Simon says, placing the cold cloth on their forehead and trying to tie Baz's hair in a loose ponytail. He contemplates the result, and it's not terrible. Not pretty, but functional enough. “I have your meds here, when you're ready to sit up a bit.”

He keeps a hand on the cloth, the other finding Baz's and tracing mindless patterns on their palm.

“Can we have pizza tonight?” Baz asks after a while, and Simon smiles.

“You sure?”

“Pizza's the only thing that never makes me sick.”

Simon laughs. “I'm so jealous of your Italian genes.” He lifts the cloth and bends to press a kiss to Baz's widow's peak. “Of course I'll order pizza.”

It takes Baz a couple of minutes to be able to sit up enough to swallow their pill and some water. Then they rest their head back down, on Simon's thighs, and look up at him.

Simon finds the lavender oil and pours some drops on his fingers. He massages Baz's temples lightly, and when Baz relaxes into his touch he applies some more pressure, rubbing slow circles on their skin. They spend what might be an hour or an entire week in silence, until Baz turns their head to press a gentle kiss on Simon's palm and tries to sit up.

“Thank you,” they smile, and Simon pulls them closer.

“Better?” he asks. He knows it's not good yet, not so quickly, but he always hopes he can help Baz at least a little.

Baz nods, finding their glasses and slipping them on and then taking them off again with a frown. Simon chuckles. He definitely gets rid of his own glasses when he's overstimulated and just doesn't want to see anymore.

“What was all that about marrying me?” Baz asks, relaxing into Simon's embrace, their head on Simon's shoulder and Simon's arm around them.

“I thought you were sad because of...” Simon gestures between them. “Us, and your father, and the holidays.”

Baz tries to look at him, but they can just glare at Simon's chin. “I could never be sad about us, Simon.”

“I know, just. You know. I'd marry you if it helped.”

Baz snorts, which makes them grimace. “I don't want to get married just because my father doesn't understand our relationship and needs to impose his amatonormative standards on us.” They sniffle. Simon kisses the top of their head.

“I wouldn't mind, Baz. We'd have a nice party, lots of food... We'd get to celebrate the fact that I love you, and that would be enough for me.”

Simon's thought a lot about this. Getting married wouldn't change the nature of their relationship any more than living together and thinking about kids does. If anything, it would make things easier from the world's perspective.

Baz says nothing.

“I already know you're my life partner, putting it on paper wouldn't change it,” Simon adds. “So? Would you consider marrying me?”

“I don't know.” Simon can feel the smile in Baz's words. “But if we ever get married, it won't be to please my father. It will be to give you the best buffet of your life and make my relatives pay for our trip around the world.”

“Sounds good to me,” Simon says, letting his head fall on Baz's.

“Are you already picturing yourself with food from each country on Earth?”

“Of course I am.” Simon finds his phone between the blankets and unlocks it. “Starting with the pizza I'm ordering right now.”

Baz hums contentedly. “Get tiramisu too?”

“I will make you all the tiramisu you want, my love.”

“With extra chocolate?”

“Who do you think I am, a heathen?”

Baz hums again.

[headless-angel-writes]

A Rose Is A Rose

Summary: Baz has been stealing roses from a stranger's garden. Who is he taking those flowers to?

Prompt: Devotion

Characters are by Rainbow Rowell

Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43508748

@carryon-countdown​

Baz

A boy is standing in front of me. He is wearing boots, an overall, a white shirt, gloves and a huge straw hat covering his golden curls. He has a face full of freckles and his eyes are as blue as the sky. 

He is beautiful. The most beautiful boy I'd ever seen in my life. He gives me an annoyed look as if he wants to murder me. All that separates us is a fence, so I'm not protected.  

He caught me stealing his roses. And Obviously, he cares a lot about this garden.  I can't blame him for feeling that way. 

"So you are the one  who comes to hurt my rose bushes."

His voice is calm even though his eyes reflect rage.

"I'm sorry. I could pay for them if you want.

I honestly don't know what else to tell him. 

"Are they for a girl?" He ignores my question.

"I guess you could say so."

This isn't so easy to explain to a person I've just met. Although I'm quite interested in getting to know him. He shrugs, tosses his hat and gloves into a rocking chair behind him, and hops over the fence that separates us. 

Now that we're closer, I can see he has even more freckles and moles than I thought. I don't know why he bothers to try to protect himself from the sun. He smells nice, a mixture of flowers and cinnamon. (He shouldn't smell like that considering he was gardening.)

"What are you doing?"

"I'm coming with you."

I raised an eyebrow. What is that guy thinking?

"My roses are priceless. I want to know if your girl is worth stealing them" He explains simply.

Bloody hell. He can't come with me. Especially not today. 

"It's strange that you think so. We don't even know each other."

I start walking, doubting he's serious about following me. I realize how wrong I am when I hear footsteps behind me.

"It's weird to steal from a stranger's garden," he says. " You have been doing this for months. I need to know who gets my roses." 

I ignore him and try to pick up my pace. Maybe I can manage to lose the pretty boy. 

If I don't... How do I explain to him that I'm going to the cemetery to visit my mother for her death anniversary?

........................................................................................................................

Pretty Boy is much more stubborn than I thought. At first, I tried to confuse him, changing routes and going into the stores to get him away from me. It didn't work. I took pity on him and allowed him to walk beside me.

And he reached out to take my arm. 

"So you won't run away again," he said.

I am very strong, I could have got rid of him easily; I am also weak and as soon as I felt the warmth emanating from him I gave up. 

We received a couple of curious glances. I guess my black suit contrasts too much with his clothes. And the roses in my hand don't help. From the outside, it might look like we're on a date.

I wish we were.

"What's your name," he suddenly blurts out.

His voice makes me jump in surprise. He hasn't said anything to me previously, and it's strange to hear him now. 

"Basilton Grimm Pitch," I reply. 

He laughs. It's not the first time it's happened when someone hears my name. All I do is let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry. It's a bit of a strange name.  But I like it. May I call you Baz?

"If you want to... " I feel my face heat up a bit. "what's your name?"

"Simon Salisbury."

I don't know why he laughs at my name when he seems to have been named by Stan Lee. I decide not to say anything else and just keep walking. At times I feel him stroking my arm. It's so gentle that I don't think he realizes what he's doing.

Finally, the entrance to the cemetery is in front of us. I stand for a moment not sure what to do now. I didn't think we'd make it this far. I turn to face him, he looks pale.

"What are we doing here?"

"I came to visit someone."

He clings tighter to me. That gesture helps me to have the courage to go on. I know the way very well, I've been coming here every month since I was fifteen. I stop in front of a black marble tombstone. 

On the tombstone, my mother's name is written: Natasha Pitch. And today's date: the twelfth of August. I let go of my partner and proceed with what I came to do. I take the dried flowers out of the vase and exchange them for the fresh ones in my hand.  

"She is the one who has been receiving your roses. I took them because I thought they were worthy of her. I'm sorry, Salisbury"

He's standing a little far from me. And he's been stunned. I feel itchy-eyed and I want to cry. But I'm not doing it in front of him.

"Simon," he clarifies. -And I'm... I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have followed you here.

"It doesn't matter."

"Baz..."

"It's been over ten years, I should be over it."

Suddenly, sadness comes over me and tears start to flow. I don't want Simon to see me in this state, so I turn away. It is only then that I allow myself to cry.

I hear footsteps, I'm sure he's already leaving. He's probably uncomfortable. I shouldn't have dragged him here. 

Then, I feel a warm presence on my back. A pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind. Simon Salisbury, whom I've just met, is trying to comfort me.

"It's okay. Whatever you're feeling right now is okay."

It's reassuring to hear someone say that. Since her death, my father became a much more reserved man than he already was. I never saw him cry, at least not in front of anyone else. I have become a bit like him. I don't like to show any weakness.

Here and now, I don't feel obliged to do it. I gently turn and reciprocate Simon's embrace. He's shorter than me, so I lean my face into his hair. It's so soft and smells of roses. 

His hands trace circles on my back, trying to soothe me. 

When I am calmer and the tears have stopped, I pull away a little. It's strange, but I'm not embarrassed by my scene. I rub my eyes, hoping I don't look too puffy.

"Are you feeling better?" he says, trying to smile.

"Yes. Thanks for the hug."

He shrugs as if consoling someone you don't know is a normal thing to do.

"Do you want to come back to my place?

"What?"

I thought we'd each go our own way now.  But he wants to keep spending time with me.

"I have cake in my house, my grandmother made it."

"Okay, I'll come with you."

Simon approaches me and takes my hand. 

"And you can still take roses, but this time you have to ask for them."

 .............................................................................................................................

 We have not let go of each other's hands. And I would never want to. As we are walking to his home, a doubt arises in my mind.

"Why did you say your roses are priceless?"

His hand squeezes mine a little more tightly.

"My mum started that garden. She loved plants, but roses were her favorite.

Now I understand why it was so important to him to know what I was doing with them. 

................................................................................................................................. Hello!

I'm a day late. Yesterday's prompt was devotion. And I thought putting both boys feeling that way about their mums was a good idea. I used a Tumblr post, but I don't have the link. 

The title comes from a song by Mecano

Thank you very much for reading

Ciao!

[forabeatofadrum]

There’s nothing ironic about show choir (12/30)

AO3

–

Prompt: Devour

–

BAZ

Simon’s smile is unnerving. He’s never smiled at me at all, and this isn’t a kind smile. Fuck, is this what I look like?

Is it bad of me that I like it, though?

I like every part and side of Simon.

I like to see him. I like getting his attention.

My mind is still reeling from the fact that he jumped on me. He was so close, even for a split second, and seeing his face so up close didn’t do me any good. I want to kiss him. I want to devour him. I want-

“You don’t get to insult me for caring too much about Ruta,” Simon says shortly, “I recognise hypocrisy in a heartbeat.”

I raise an eyebrow.

“Hypocrisy?” I play dumb, but unfortunately, I think I know where he’s heading. The downside of our year-long antagonist relationship is that we know each other’s weak points. We know how to hit hard.

“Yes, I care about Ruta, but at least I care for Ruta for myself,” he says harshly, “You, on the other hand, are trying to chase a ghost. Your mother’s legacy. But she’s dead. And yet you know that even in death she will always block your light. You will always be in your mother’s shadow, since you will never be like her.”

“Don’t you dare talk about my mother,” I bite out.

“She didn’t even come back for you, so why bother?”

“You don’t even have a mother!”

Both of us are yelling and at this moment we should be happy that the anathema doesn’t apply to verbal hurt, because the two of us have definitely crossed a line. Despite all the things I have hurled at Simon, I have never berated him for being an orphan, but in the same vein, he has never used my mother’s death like this to insult me.

The two of us keep yelling from our sides of the room.

And it hurts.

It never hurt like this before. Fighting is supposed to be my fucked up way of getting his attention, but this isn’t good. We keep screaming and at one point I am not even sure what we’re screaming about anymore. Parents. Choir. Legacy. It’s all flying across the room.

Suddenly, the door burst open.

Penelope and Agatha are standing in our doorway. Penelope’s ring hand is outstretched. She must’ve spelled the door open.

“Merlin, if you fight, at least spell your room soundproof,” Agatha sounds unimpressed, but Penelope looks at Simon as if she’s seeing a stranger.

“Stevie Nicks and Slicks. We can hear you down in the Ruta choir room!” Penelope yells out.

Agatha looks at me.

“Baz, with me. Out.”

“But-”

“Out!” Agatha demands and turns around to walk away.

I give Simon one last look. He looks hazardous.

I follow Agatha outside.

[courageousfxck]

in which Simon discovers k-pop

genre; just general domestic fluff

-------

Baz

"Baz!" I hear my name called from Simon's room. I'm reading with my feet are propped up on the table in his and Penny's living room and I'm fairly comfortable. I consider pretending to be asleep but Simon wouldn't buy that would he?

While I'm still pondering, Simon calls me again, "Baz I know you're out there and I know you can hear me, get your vampire ass in here!" I smile despite myself and groan dramatically while marking my place in my book.

"I dont know, Snow," I say, falling back onto the sofa, "I may take some persuasion."

Before you know it, in comes my half dragon boyfriend, no shirt on, ("It bothers my wings, Baz!"), and in one fluid motion, he is standing over me, kissing my nose and pulling me to my feet. He looks up at me and smiles, blue eyes shining and golden curls bouncing with each movement. Ever since he insisted on using my conditioner, his hair has been soft as hell and I honest to God love it. I run my hands through it now, ruffling his hair as if he was a child.

"Not now Baz," He ducks under my hand and kisses me on the forhead before pulling me into his room by my elbow, "Right now I must show you something wonderful." He sits me down on his bed and drapes himself over me before grabbing his phone and pulling up Youtube.

I pout, "But kissing is so much fun," I say, exaggerating my pout. He smiles but continues pulling up a video. I huff in mocked annoyance before letting myself fall against his chest. His wings are folded behind him and his tail slowly wraps itself around my calf, as if it is scared of me leaving.

"You're gonna love this, I promise," He says before finally pressing play.

Immediately my eyes are attacked with the sight of seven boys and bright colors. Confused, I turn my head towards Simon only to find his blue eyes staring back at me.

"Snow, what-" he cuts me off with a quick kiss and turns my head back to the phone, "Just watch,"

Simon

After that video, Baz insisted on watching another... and another.

I found BTS' music video for a song called Idol this morning and I've been listening to it on repeat. Baz came over after his classes and I barely noticed (which pissed him off a bit, but kisses made up for it). Finally, I wanted to share the video with Baz. I hoped he would like it, genuinely like it. Not just, "Of course, Snow, if you like it then I like it." But I'll take the fact that he continued to click on suggested videos as a sign that he did genuinely enjoy it.

At some point during the music video for Danger, he paused it and pointed at a boy on the screen, "He's cute, I like him."

"Oh really now?"

He smirked, "He has an amazing butt,"

"I do too!" I whined. No I wasn't jealous out a Korean star. Okay fine, he called him cute, sue me.

"Yes, Snow, but look at his thighs." He sighed and I decided enough was enough and tackled him, tickling his side. He insists on not being ticklish but it's a goddamn lie.

He broke free and smirked again, showing a bit of his fangs, "Jealous, are we?"

I picked my phone back up and pointed to another boy, "Actually this one is cute, too."

An hour full of google searches and more music videos, Baz and I had memorized the names of the members and about every fact of them that were available to the public.

[simons-scones]

imagine simon going to university and joining the fencing team since he’s so good with the sword.

and imagine baz just absolutely fucking DYING over it

[captain-aralias]

'Carry On' recs!

since i have not set finger to keyboard to start anything new this weekend. but i have read some more things.

SFW

Second Impressions by @sillyunicorn, Complete, 7k

this fic is so fun and unusual in that simon is the one obsessed with baz, and baz is furious at simon and unable to forgive him (until he does) and they have to share space and photocopy things. they're both biology professors, and i also love the science stuff and any fic that could take simon seriously as a professor.

A Dangerous Affinity by @larkral, WIP, 31k, 7 of 25

this fic made me read all three books from the scholomance series - i read the first chapter and was like, 'i need to know what's from the books', and the answer is: lots, but also there's so much amazing stuff that larkral has added in from a worldbuilding and character POV. it's such a clever and involved fic, seriously unlike many other things - basically like reading a novel. and i can see people are loving it without reading the books too. the romance is really well done too - baz keeping simon at a distance even though he doesn't want to. some really classically poetic snowbaz lines. v good.

Game On, Babe by @martsonmars - Complete, 4k

not from october, but i didnt rec anything back in august and i really love this fic. i'm weak for anything where simon and baz are genuinely competing against each other (sneaky side recs for some fics i'll properly rec when they're finished, The Beautiful Game by @fatalfangirl and Your Time Starts Now by @onepintobean - both of which i loooove). this fic is about table-tennis and what constitutes and unfair advantage. i love it. they're established relationship but baz is so comfortable he's genuinely a bit of a twat again. also, it's here in this SFW section, but this is basically table football as sex. and it is very hot.

NSFW

Kinktober fics by whiskeyandcinnamon - all about 2k, not a series, all complete

not all of them are snowbaz, but lots are. big range of kinds of sex and kinds of snowbaz relationship. my tongue between your teeth is one of my favourites.

Baz's New (Not)Boyfriend by brandnewbeepbeep - WIP, 6k so far, 1 of 2 chapters

you have to be ok with baz sleeping with someone else, but that character never being on screen. love the kinkiness of this and the sort of classic early snowbaz smut vibes of simon wanting to see and baz wanting to show.

Touch Starved by @artsyunderstudy - Complete, 6k

a writer who excels at these very sensual, evocative, overwhelming sex scenes. i loved Here in the Dark and this is definitely that vibe, but more physical. very hot and also deals with simon's interest in being touched in a way we don't see so much since AWTWB, but very inflected by that book (i.e. he's really into it). v good.

thanks for tagging me people who are more productive than me! i look forward to reading your completed works! @martsonmars @confused-bi-queer @artsyunderstudy @cutestkilla @creepyspice @johnwgrey @moodandmist @whogaveyoupermission @nightimedreamersworld @larkral @ileadacharmedlife @ionlydrinkhotwater

[sailorblossoms-snowbaz]

Seeing @ionlydrinkhotwater ask why Simon would like the mage makes me think... Simon is young, vulnerable and neglected... We can become attached to people who are bad news, especially in that position. 

Simon doesn’t know the mage created the entire situation – all he knows is that he has nobody, and this is the only adult who has ever claimed him. From Simon’s POV, the mage is the person who showed up and took him to a world of wonder. He’s the reason Simon has access to a world where he met all the people he loves, where he made the only friends he’s ever had, where he fell in love (with Baz) before he knew what it was (even if he didn’t know it then, he did miss Baz when he didn’t see him, he did look forward to going back and seeing him again, he’s already thinking about him before he even brings up his list of “things he miss about Watford”), where he created all his happy memories. 

The mage provided a purpose and structure, guidance and an understanding of the world to a kid who had none of these things (long after the mage is gone, Simon still goes back to his words to make sense of the magickal world). He give that to a kid who didn’t know himself, who felt ugly and forgotten, who disliked himself and didn’t want to be alone in his head. Who didn’t want to think. That alone would be enough to make Simon feel special. For a vulnerable kid who doesn’t know any better, it would be just enough to become attached. The mage made Simon feel important. 

This is not the only instance where the series shows how vulnerability can be exploited. We think of the characters as growing up (in more than one way) as the series progresses, but I think about Lamb, looking at Baz and seeing a child. A lost child. Baz, vulnerable and lost, wishing Lamb was around in a moment of weakness, because Lamb provided guidance, and that provides direction. Security... even after Lamb threatened him with fire. Of course Baz wanted to trust him. Of course Simon wanted to trust the mage. And of course that exposed them to be lied to, manipulated, etc. After all, “the adults know best!” “they know what’s best for them” without feeling the need to ever tell them shit. Not shit that matters, anyway. 

To top it all, Simon doesn’t know what it is like to have loving adult figures in his life. His normal-meter is all fucked up. The mage was the only adult in his life, so he had nothing to compare it to... the mage and the Wellbeloves. But the thing about the Wellbeloves is that they’re conditional. They’re there because he’s connected to Agatha: as a classmate, as a friend, and then later as “a future son-in-law.” The Wellbeloves show Simon kindness – they are the reason Simon is happy during the holidays (the parents and not Agatha herself, because Simon liked being welcomed to a comfortable, luxurious home by adults who treat him well, things he never fucking had, but he didn’t like being alone there with Agatha as a boyfriend – note how he uses language like “being trapped,” describes only how being there started their friendship and nothing else and never thinks about her as a factor when listing the things he likes about being there). He thinks of the Wellbeloves as parental figures who can provide with the things he desperately wants but is lacking (which I think is a big reason why he got into and then stayed in a relationship with Agatha, even when it was souring their friendship, even when the signs of unhappiness and discomfort showed up) but he never thinks of them as his parental figures. He’s always an outsider. His presence is, again, always conditional. 

At the end of the day, the mage is the only adult tied directly to Simon, the one who keeps showing up (that, by itself, can make Simon feel a certain way... enough to wish iirc for him to perhaps be his father) (and Wellbeloves would also serve as a big reminder of what Simon doesn’t have – being called son by Dr Wellbelove not like he’s his son but like he can be a son). The tragedy of this, of course, is that the mage’s interference left Simon a homeless orphan in the first place. He’s the source of Simon’s biggest issues... but Simon never learns of this while growing up. By the time he starts to see the true awfulness of the mage, he has been attached for years, and those type of feelings are hard to turn off completely. 

What Simon has with Penny is strong and is real love, but also: much of their relationship is Penny taking care of Simon. It’s Penny supporting him and sort of “adopting” him as a full-time job. That made Penny the one he always turn to, but I don’t think that provided Simon with a template to know how to “give back.” I think Simon only learns that from Baz (a natural caretaker) when they start to communicate in awtwb. He begins to learn how to “give” and be in a loving relationship. Before he learns from Baz, how does Simon measures “a good” relationship? What are the parameters? To have the person taking care of him? To have the person help him fit into the society where he wants to belong?... In his eyes, didn’t the mage do that by getting him into school? By teaching him the ways of the world? Teaching him how to fight, giving him a purpose, making him feel “useful” in a place where he wanted to belong etc etc. The mage mistreating him would not be a wake up call by itself then, when he’s still giving him “everything else.” When Simon doesn’t know better. You know what they say about the way abusers give and take. Well. Food for thought. 

[facewithoutheart]

I got this idea in my head where Smith’s spell does more than make Simon immune to magic. Because we need a little more touch-starved SnowBaz? I dunno.

Enough.

~700 words, Teen, Angst, Post-Canon, Established Relationship

“All those months I wouldn’t touch you—”

“Don’t,” Baz scolds, layering another weighted blanket on top of me. (When he gives me two I almost feel like I’m being hugged.) “This isn’t your fault; none of it is.”

I watch the way his fingers curl back from the edges, so none of them touch any bit of fabric against my skin. “I asked Smith to cast the spell.”

“Because he promised he could bring back your magic. You trusted him.”

This isn’t a new point and neither is my rebuttal: “You didn’t.”

Instead of responding, Baz holds out his hand for the spare Paddington. (His original has an eye missing.) I hand it over with a huff but secretly I’m thrilled because I know what comes next. Baz presses the hard plastic nose against my cheeks, my forehead, my lips. (This is how he kisses me, now.) “There,” he says, “all better.”

I do feel renewed, I always do, still I tease: “Paddington kisses can’t cure betrayal.”

Baz’s face falls and I regret my joke instantly.

“I was kidding,” I add in a rush.

“I know,” he says, but his eyes won’t meet mine.

Christ. I want to touch him, pull him in my arms. Comfort him, comfort me. I ache for it.

You’d think, having spent my whole childhood without being touched with love, that I’d be well suited to weather the unforeseen effects of Smith’s spell.

But I’m weak for Baz; I’ve always been.

“Is it time to switch?”

That finally gets his attention. He nods, a sharp jerk, but it’s soft when he nuzzles Paddington 1.0 beneath my chin, his hand lingering on the plushie’s back.

(I can almost feel his touch on my own skin.)

With my eyes closed, I take a deep inhale of the polyester faux-fur. Cedar and bergamot. Baz. Heaven.

I look up and catch him doing the same, a content smile on his face. In the weeks since my curse I’ve never looked up at our switch before, to see what Baz does when he gives me the bear he’s spent all night or all morning hugging and takes the stuffed animal for which I’ve done the same.

“Baz,” I say, my eyes watering.

“Don’t,” he says, his voice wavering. “Bunce will be back soon. She’ll have a cure. She’ll… she’s a fierce magician. I’ve,” he swallows, “never minded saying it.”

“Penny will save us.”

“Penny will save you,” he corrects. “I can hug other people. It’s you who can’t.”

I hold out my Paddington. Baz stares for a second, before extending his as well. In the middle of us, their noses meet with a soft click. It feels like something deep in my chest shifts into place.

“If we never find a cure–”

“Simon,” Baz turns his face away, his next word a pained, “please.”

“If we never find a cure,” I repeat, louder, “this is enough for me. Baz, you’re enough.”

I tried to break up with him on day one, on day two. By day three he’d knocked me down and tied a gag in my mouth, the places where his fingers had brushed my skin still burning as he paced the floor in front of me.

“If you try to dump me one more time I’ll sit on you until you beg for mercy,” he finally said, wincing a bit when he caught the many implications.

I’d screamed at him against the gag (“Leave!” “Go!” “Please!”) but none of the words filtered through its silk.

Finally, I settled, my chest still rising and falling rabbit-quick, like I’d just finished fighting a battle. Maybe I had.

“Will you stop trying to make me leave you?” Baz asked.

My eyes scoured the lines of his face, the only way I could touch him without pain. I’m not sure what I saw there, what changed my mind. Perhaps it was a moment of weakness.

I nodded, a sharp jerk.

I haven’t fought him since.

In the present, our flat door opens. “Baz? Simon?” Penelope calls.

Baz’s hand falls onto the weighted blanket, in his distraction a finger touches my bare skin.

It burns, it burns, it burns.

I don’t tell him. I close my eyes and let the pain wash through me.

Enough.

Enough.

[fatalfangirl]

Thank you for the Sunday tags @bookish-bogwitch, @captain-aralias, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, @artsyunderstudy, @aroace-genderfluid-sheep, and @ivelovedhimthroughworse!

I posted chapter 2 of Dead in Vegas last night so I thought I'd share some bits that got chopped from the final cut:

First up: I didn't know how the hell to end the restaurant scene. I rewrote it multiple times before ending up where it did (and in a much better place). This was one of the other versions of how that scene wrapped:

SIMON

“And yet you aren’t denying wanting to fist me.”

I snap upright, my arms reaching out. A burning need to strangle Baz’s pretty little neck consumes me. I pull up just short, fingers curled in an unsatisfying mimic of strangulation as I grit out, “Shut up.”

Baz moves a hand between mine and smacks one away and then the other before carrying on with the original conversation like our little detour never happened. "It’s hours before the clubs open. Let’s try for VIP as plan A.”

"Fine,” I say, not feeling great about our odds.

“By the way, what’s your card limit?”

I pull a face. “Excuse me?”

Weak. The angry sexy flirting I went with was better. But I just wanted to hurry up and get to the next scene, which was club promoter Shepard. (He worked much better as the waiter at the restaurant.)

SIMON

Club promoters aren’t hard to find on the Strip, but they give no shits about two blokes. That is until Baz started flashing my card.

Then, it’s was just a matter of finding one what worked for Pasture.

Enter, Shepard Love.

“Bottle service for two?” He has a grin on his face that reads friendly, but boarders on predatory. “Fun. Let me see what we have.” 

He flips through his phone at a rapid pace, then pauses, scrolls, and flips again. Long fingers type out a quick message. “Checking availability now. It might be a minute.” Once he’s finished, he looks between the two of us.

“What brings you two to Vegas?”

“A failing relationship,” Baz says just as I offer, “Weekend holiday.” 

Shepard's grin nearly splits his face. “Fun! Oh.” His focus is pulled back to his phone. “Looks like we do have availability tonight. You’re super lucky. It’ll cost you though.”

“That’s fine,” Baz says at the same time I ask, “How much?”

“Great! I just need IDs.”

This was boring and not good. So I chopped all of it. The plan was always to have Shepard be "the local in the know" but I couldn't figure out how to bring him into the story. How he just magically appears is also not very inspired, but it feels more true to the fic's action movie vibe.

And that has been "things I've ditched" with fatalfangirl.

Tagging @whatevertheweather, @martsonmars, @cutestkilla, @creepyspice, @angelsfalling16, @confused-bi-queer, @aristocratic-otter, @palimpsessed, @mostlymaudlin, @sillyunicorn, and @technetiumai.

[happyandticklish]

Fic Masterpost

A Charm Of Magpies:

. A Magician’s Touch (Stephen is bored at work and decides that Crane will serve as an excellent form of amusement. Unfortunately, Stephen’s plans have a habit of backfiring on him)

Alice in Borderland:

. Simon Says (Chishiya goes up against a game that may prove to be more challenging than he can handle)

All For The Game:

. Three Times Neil & Andrew Were Interrupted And One Time They Weren’t (Ever since Andrew found out Neil liked tickling, he’s kept Neil on his toes whenever he’s around. Unfortunately, they keep getting interrupted until Andrew devises a way for them to finally be alone)

. New Perspectives

- Part One (Andrew gets stuck and Neil takes advantage of the situation)

- Part Two (Revenge is sweet but tickling is sweeter)

Attack On Titan:

. What Makes Us Human (Eren is questioning his humanity, but luckily Armin and Mikasa are there to help him through it)

. Payback For A Thief (Eren attempts to pull a meaningless prank on Jean, but the other decides to fight back)

. Three’s A Crowd (Sasha, Jean, and Connie all have a tradition of tickling the others whenever they feel it’s needed)

. Lessons In Obedience (Eren’s never been good at listening to directions, and when his latest stunt messes up one of their missions, Levi takes it into his hands to show him what happens to those who disobey, with a little help from Jean)

. On The Subject of Dares (A dare lands Eren in a different kind of trouble)

. Forbidden Indulgences (Levi and Erwin have an unspoken something that both of them are in denial of)

. The Gift of Your Laughter (Erwin knows Levi a little too well. Normally, Levi appreciates this, until it comes to a certain shared interest of theirs)

Beastars:

. A Predator’s Weakness (When Legoshi happens upon Louis after club, the other makes an interesting discovery about the wolf)

. Carnation (Haru discovers a new way to cheer up her brooding wolf)

Black Butler:

. A Wicked Punishment (Angela introduces a new kind of torture to the feared butler)

BNHA:

. A Different Kind Of Training (Monoma’s big mouth has a habit of getting him into trouble, especially when it comes to Class 1-A)

. Conflict of Interest (Kaminari’s friends have a habit of going overboard when it comes to tickling him, and he doesn’t know how to bring it up. Luckily, Kirishima’s always there for him!)

. No Control (Shinsou discovers something new about his quirk and decides to test it out on Kaminari)

. Tickletober Day Two - Anticipation (Deku re-discovers an interesting fact about his classmate)

. Sleepover (Prompt 14: “What are we, five years old now?”)

. Tickletober Day One - Anticipation (Bakugo isn’t ticklish and he’s insistent on proving the fact)

. Tickletober Day Three - Suspense (Bakugo is in a bad mood, and pays the price for it)

. Tickletober Day Eight - Death Spot (Deku’s rest is interrupted after Bakugo decides to make him the entertainment for the afternoon)

Camp Camp:

. Cure For The Blues (When a rainy day ruins their plans, Harrison quickly discovers a new way to spend the afternoon)

. Not As Bad As You Think (Max decides to skip out on afternoon activities)

. Not Touching You (Neil discovers an interesting scientific phenomenon, and Nikki uses it to her advantage)

. Lazy Mornings And Stray Fingers (When Harrison sleeps in and Nerris is forced to deal with it, she discovers an interesting method to waking him up)

. Wheels & Squeals (David decides to throw a tandem race for the camp after the AC goes out, and Harrison’s path takes an unexpected detour)

Carry On:

. Tickletober Day Three - Kisses (Baz is a little too good at kissing and Simon is ticklish)

Dear Evan Hansen:

. I Would Give Up The World For Your Touch (Weed has a habit of making Connor honest and Miguel mischievous, a combination that’s bound to end poorly)

. Embarrassing (Miguel notices that Connor never laughs. As a concerned boyfriend, he decides to do something about that)

. Messing With His Brain (Connor’s in a giggly mood)

. Reluctant Muse (Connor’s growing interest in art holds unanticipated consequences for Miguel)

Dracula:

. A Schooling In Humanity (Johnathan reminisces on how Mina used to help him when his insomnia took a turn for the worse, and Dracula offers to rekindle the tradition)

Durarara:

. New Beginnings (Masaomi tries to clear his mind and ends up running into an old friend)

. Silent Laughter (Shinra proposes an experiment and Celty deals with her own inner doubt)

. Interruptions (Izaya’s busy and Shizuo wants attention. Events occur thusly)

. Laughter Warms The Soul (Whilst searching for amusement in the city, Izaya stumbles across the dynamic duo and finds himself witness to a sight he’d thought he’d never see)

. Behave (Shizuo has a habit of picking Izaya up whenever he tries to stir up trouble, to mischievous results)

. Feathery Kisses (When Izaya lies about wanting to spend time with Shizuo on Valentines, Shizuo finds something that they can do together)

. Don’t Ignore Me (Izaya’s been avoiding Shizuo ever since the blond made a certain discovery about him, and chaos quickly ensues)

. You’re Late (Shizuo gets held up at work and Izaya shows him what happens to people who are late)

. Experiment Gone Wrong (Izaya decides to conduct an experiment to test humanity’s morality, but forgets to factor Shizuo into his calculations)

. Endurance Training (Izaya and Shinra have a game they like to play. Some of them are more in denial about the purpose of the game than others) [Part One]

. Not So Easy (When Shinra discovers a new tool to implement in their sessions, Izaya is faced with a challenge that he can’t refuse) [Part Two]

. Tickletober Day Nine - Tools (Izaya really needs to stop underestimating Shinra) [Part Three]

. The New And The Old (The Raira Trio’s friendship is complicated and constantly changing, but they find that no matter what changes there are things that will always stay the same)

. Summer Mornings (Shizuo doesn’t tolerate liars and Izaya pays the price)

. Old Traditions (Mikado is reminded of an old tradition that he had long forgotten about, but is willing to rekindle)

. Just A Man (Shizuo is not the monster everyone thinks he is)

. A Study In Weakness (Shinra is pointing out different weaknesses in human beings when he discovers a particularly interesting one in his friend)

. Sensitive Connections

- Part One (Shinra comes into possession of an exciting new artifact that he’s eager to show his friend)

- Part Two (Shinra negotiates a deal for the doll that Izaya can’t refuse)

. Shizaya Week

- Methods Of Persuasion (Day One - Accidental Love Confession)

- Dinner (Day Two - Angst With A Happy Ending)

- Make Me (Day Five - Cigarettes)

. Tickletober Day Twelve - Stuck (Izaya has an interesting way of getting what he wants)

. Tickletober Day Twenty-Five - Arms Up (Izaya’s not ticklish. Or so he claims)

. What He Wants (Izaya has a hard time asking for what he wants—luckily, Shizuo’s good at interpreting)

. Tickletober Day Twenty-Two - Vampire (Izaya has a tendency to bite and Shizuo’s ticklish)

. Tickletober Day Twenty-Eight - Distraction (Izaya’s lust for entertainment has a habit of roping in his friends, and Kadota gets fed up with it)

. You Make It Hard To Breathe (Izaya can’t swim and Shizuo takes it upon himself to teach him how)

Encanto:

. Helping Hands (Camilo and Mirabel are more than willing to remind Bruno what it’s like to be in a family again)

Ender’s Game:

. Remnants of Humanity (Valentine remembers something from Ender’s past and shows him just how much humanity he still has left)

Frozen:

. A Ticklish Proposal (Kristoff is having trouble getting his words out–luckily, Anna has just the method to help him)

. Show Me (Elsa has a habit of hiding her laugh behind her hands as she finds it childish now that she’s the Queen of Arendelle, but Anna shows her just how childish queens can be)

Genshin Impact:

. A Sensitive Hypothesis (Albedo remembers one last experiment he forgot to try)

. The Cost Of Pride (Childe wants to be tickled, but it seems like no matter what he does, Zhongli just isn’t getting the hint)

. What It Means To Love You (Childe has a habit of stealing his boyfriend’s hoodies, which can have unexpected consequences when Zhongli’s bored)

. The Key To Silence (Scaramouche decides to accompany Lumine on her daily commissions, but he refuses to take them seriously)

Gorillaz:

. I Want To See You Smile

- Part One (After a fateful encounter one day, Murdoc finds himself addicted to tickling his bandmate and doesn’t know why. 2D’s adorable reactions certainly aren’t helping)

- Part Two (Murdoc can only stand so much of 2d ignoring him before he snaps. Unfortunately for him, 2d isn’t the only one who’s forced to speak)

Haikyuu:

. Tickletober Day Twenty-Six - Haunted House (Hinata is totally not scared of ghosts at all and Kageyama pays the price)

Handmaid’s Tale:

. Forgotten Laughter (June was forced to abandon many things from her past, but Nick helps her reclaim one of them)

Harry Potter Universe:

. The Problems With Legilimency (Two times in which Queenie’s Legilimency became a problem, and once when it kind of helped)

. Tickletober Day Fourteen - Holding It In (Sirius discovers a new way to mess with his boyfriend)

. Tickletober Day Twenty - Voodoo Doll (Harry and his friends decide that Draco will serve as a perfect test subject for their most recent homework project)

Hazbin Hotel:

. Tell Me The Truth (Angel Dust notices something about Alastor and tries to make the other admit it for himself)

. Sensitive Exploration (Alastor has a tradition of tickling the different members of the hotel, and one day Angel decides to get him back)

. Feats Of Strength (Angel is almost certain that he could beat Alastor in a test of true strength. Husk provides him a challenge to prove it)

. Tickletober Day One - Teasing (Blitzo and Stolas decide to try something new)

Heartstopper:

. Practice Makes Perfect (Nick is a bad idea and rugby is a sport born out of hell—so why does Charlie keep finding himself here?)

Homestuck:

. Grub Scars (Dave discovers something knew about Karkat and Karkat doesn’t entirely hate him for it)

Howl’s Moving Castle:

. Tickletober Day Two - Chase (Howl refuses to sacrifice his Saturday morning to clean and Sophie shows him what happens to those who slack off)

Inside Job: 

. Breathless (Brett and Reagan experiment with their first real session)

. Use Your Words (Reagan won’t stop teasing Brett throughout the work day, and he grows frustrated with it)

Jujutsu Kaisen:

. Disarming Your Demons (Itadori discovers a new method to deal with misbehaving curses)

. Tickletober Day Eight - Spiders/Webs (Itadori is scared of spiders)

. Tickletober Day Eleven - Magic (Itadori shows off a new technique)

Jungle Cruise:

. Tickletober Day Fifteen - Revenge (MacGregor seeks to fix certain inequalities in their relationship)

Legend of Korra:

. Sore Loser (After several losses in the Pro-Bending Arena, Bolin is anxious to prove his worth amongst their group. Meanwhile, Korra shows him the hard way that sometimes it’s okay to lose)

Love Simon/Love Victor:

. No Matter What (Jack Spier takes his son rock-climbing in an attempt to bond with him. When Simon’s own insecurities get in the way of that, the former decides to take measures into his own hands to show his son how much he loves him)

. No Secrets In Friendship (Felix has always liked tickling, ever since he was little, and when he comes to Victor about it things go better than expected) [Part One]

. Pineapple (Felix had thought telling Victor he liked tickling would be the worst part. He hadn’t accounted, however, for the aftermath) [Part Two]

. Laughter Reveals The Sweetest Truths (Victor and Felix decide to switch up their normal routine in their sessions) [Part Three]

. Emotional Entanglements (Felix is feeling insecure about his friendship with Victor now that the other has a boyfriend, and decided to take matters into his own hands)

Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-Kun:

. A Case Of Writer’s Block (Nozaki’s lack of experience is making his newest chapter impossible to write; luckily, his good friend Hori’s always willing to help him out)

Never Have I Ever:

. Benefits of Having a Boyfriend (Devi’s plans are thrown off due to a certain sensitivity of Paxton’s)

. Mental Loops (Nalini’s words won’t get out of Devi’s head so Ben gives her something else to think about)

Onward:

. Concentrate (Barley’s helping Ian out with some spells and decided to add an extra factor to their training)

Our Flag Means Death:

. His Attention (Edward is itching to test this supposed new ‘torture method’ Stede keeps advertising, and Izzy is unfortunately left to be his guinea pig)

. Morning Indulgences (Jim isn’t usually good at asking for what they want. When they do, Oluwande is always happy to oblige)

Over The Garden Wall:

. Tickletober Day Six - Cuddles (Wirt and Sara decide to have a movie night and Wirt finds himself distracted)

PJO Universe:

. Wake Up Call (Sometimes Nico has a hard time getting up in the morning, but Will has just the thing to help)

. Unusual Interrogations (Luke kidnaps Percy for information and uses unorthodox methods to acquire it)

. Not Just An Annoyance (Nico keeps annoying Percy to get him to tickle him, and Percy is oblivious as per usual)

. Take A Break (Nico needs to take a break, but is being stubborn as usual. Luckily, Percy knows just how to handle obstinate demigods)

Sandman:

. Dream A Little Dream Of Me (Morpheus breaks his own policy to visit Hob’s dreams) [Part One]

. A Madness of His Own Design (Morpheus has been experimenting with Hob’s dreams) [Part Two]

Santa Clarita Diet:

. A New Dynamic of Power (Joel wants to make soup. Sheila wants to explore her newfound strength. Abby wants to move out)

Sex Education:

. Not Like That (Adam never smiles and Eric finally stumbles across a method of making that a reality)

Sk8 The Infinity:

. Tickletober Day Ten - All Out (Reki employs Langa

South Park:

. Exposure Therapy (Stan’s crush on Kyle ends up having unforeseen side effects in the form of a sudden and rapid obsession with tickling his best friend)

Straight Up:

. If You Love Me… (In an effort to win at game night, Rory ends up discovering a secret about Todd)

Stranger Things:

. Goosebumps (The Mind Flayer’s gone, but the memories of him aren’t. Luckily, Mike finds a solution)

. Personal Canvas (Mike volunteers to let Will use him for art practice, but he has a hard time staying still)

Supernatural:

. Tickletober Day Five - Magic (Dean’s attempts at making breakfast are interrupted by a certain Angel’s curiosity)

The Breakfast Club:

. Just The Way You Are (Brian is feeling insecure and Andrew helps assure him that his fears are unwarranted)

The Bright Sessions:

. Robert/Damien (Damien has a secret that he’s never been able to share with anyone. Mark helps him with it) [Part One]

. All You Had To Do Was Ask (Damien’s ability has a habit of giving him away) [Part Two]

. A Reversal Of Roles (Mark discovers the downsides to taking Damien’s ability) [Part Three]

. Strange Feelings (Caleb is used to reading his boyfriend’s emotions, but when he encounters a series of strange ones he is forced to do some inner speculation and in the process discovers a secret Adam had been trying his best to keep hidden forever)

. Tickletober Day Five - Tickle Hug (Surprises are hard when your boyfriend’s a superhero)

. Emotional Sleuthing (Caleb can tell there’s something off about Adam, and he’s determined to get to the bottom of it)

. The Key To An Alchemist (Oliver finds himself wrapped up in his most recent case, and Mark is there to pull him out of it)

. Homing Missile (Caleb’s abilities add a whole new element when it comes to bringing Adam to hysterics)

. As You Wish (Mark and Damien hold a battle of wills where losing is the only way to get what you want)

The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals:

. You Can’t Make Me (Paul refuses to go to his office’s New Year Eve’s party which prompts Emma to take drastic measures)

. Lighten Up (Office shenanigans get out of hand and Paul has had enough)

The Magnus Archives:

. Tickletober Day Nine - Trapped (Martin finds himself trapped between two impossible choices)

The Mortal Instruments Universe:

. The Delicacy Of A Blade (Even Shadowhunters have weaknesses, and Ariadne discovers a particularly interesting one of her lover’s one lazy afternoon)

. Different Kinds Of Demons (Julian discovers a more unorthodox solution to nightmares)

The Picture of Dorian Gray:

. A Matter Of Spirits (When Dorian refuses to sit for a painting, Basil turns to Henry for assistance)

The Raven Cycle:

. Careless Intimacy (Declan never allowed anyone to enter his life—until Jordan came along)

. Smile, Parrish (Adam is working himself too hard yet again, and Noah decides to give him something else to focus on)

. Never So Sweet A Dream As Laughter (Ronan keeps dreaming of feathers and he can only hide the reason for so long before Adam discovers why)

. Stress Reliever

- Part One (Gansey discovers something new about himself and decides to use it to deal with a problem of his; Ronan is happy to help)

- Part Two (Gansey can’t stop thinking about Ronan tickling him to pieces on the couch and tries to seek the other out for a repeat of that day. Ronan is happy to oblige so long as he hears a certain confession from the other boy)

. I Want To Know Every Part Of You (Ronan allows Adam to see his tattoo and in the process allows him to see a new side to his boyfriend as well)

. Don’t Go (Adam needs to lose himself and Ronan is happy to help)

. Tickletober Day Four - Fingers (Ronan has a slight obsession with Adam’s hands and everything they can do to him)

. Tickletober Day Four - Reward (Ronan makes an effort to actually show up to class, only to discover that Adam’s approval might be more than he can handle)

The Vampire Chronicles:

. Breaking Louis (Louis is bringing down the mood of the estate, and Lestat takes it upon himself to cheer the other up)

. The Human Experience (Armand remembers an old human habit from his past and is eager to try it out with his new roommate)

Tinker Bell:

. Behind On Schedule (Bobble’s been overworking himself and Clank has just the solution to help him relax)

Weird Science:

. Clumsy Giggles (Gary comes home drunk one day and Wyatt attempts to help him while nursing a burgeoning crush on his best friend)

Welcome To Night Vale:

. Tickletober Day Six - Supernatural (Carlos discovers something new about their odd little town)

Wonka:

. The Jokes That Make You Laugh (Wonka’s newest chocolate creation has him in stitches)

Yuri On Ice:

. The Only Thing I Want For Christmas (Otabek only wants one thing for Christmas, and Yuri is happy to give it to him so long as he receives the proper compensation)

. Late Mornings (Prompt 15: “Time to find out just how ticklish you are”)

[johnwgrey]

Words: 4577

Rating: M

Summary:

Baz gets to be with Simon during the weekends and during the weekends only. That's the deal. And it's a good deal, if you ask him. Even if waiting one whole week is torture, it's better than nothing. It's not like he could ever hope for more. Right?

Preview:

MONDAY

I'm not quite awake yet. I know it's morning because I can feel the sunlight slip through our curtains. I want nothing more than to go back to sleep. For once, I feel warm. Toasty. I open my eyes with a start when I realise why.

Crowley. I fell asleep in Snow's bed last night. Again. I sigh and rub my face. It wasn't supposed to be like that. We were supposed to have a bit of fun, that's it. No more. It was just a way for me to be able to focus more on my classes. Get rid of the brainrot named Simon fucking Snow. Raging hormones, be gone and all that. I don't know what Simon gets out of it but I find it's best not to ask too many questions sometimes.

I'm not sure what I was expecting when I asked him if he would be interested in kissing me at the beginning of the school year. I was studying and I could just feel his eyes on me, constantly, driving me crazy. It was either that or start another fight but I was tired that day. I hadn't been able to hunt for very long the night before and I was thirsty. Weak. I didn't feel I had a fight in me. So I turned around and just… went for it. I thought that at best, he'd agree and at worst, he'd start the fight himself. Punch me in the face. It was a win-win situation, really.

But to my surprise, he agreed.

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