#basically. yesterday i saw someone i knew. in an unlikely circumstance

[scrambled-eggsed]

.

[cherryyjjk]

forever rain [2]

summary: to greek gods, it was a well-known fact that the fates liked to play tricks. but was this too far? what would happen when they made two unlikely gods have a tugging string in their hearts, yearning for each other?

pairing: hades!jin x persephone!reader

genre: fluff / angst / greek god! au / black swan! au

word count: 18.3k

warnings: the use of the word “whore” / cursing / snake mention

a/n: WOW this is the most i’ve ever written for a fic. please check out both pt 1 and the note about this series in my masterlist before reading! i know this is SO overdue like a year overdue. i’ve been writing it in the last three months bc school <<. anyways, thanks for reading and enjoy!! :D

By the time you wake up, he is gone— not that you had known he sat next to you. But when you rose up from your slumber, a coat fell from your shoulders.

His..?

You looked at it and wondered if he had given it to you. It was a thoughtful gesture, and a necessary one as your hands were getting numb. Before wrapping it around your shoulders, you stretch your hands above you. Blinking the drowsiness out of your eyes and sitting up a little further, you yawned and decided to stand up. Your feet hit a softer material that you weren’t expecting, making you look down. The cold floor that was there yesterday was covered by a soft gray rug and you moved your toes to feel it more.

Him and his dark colors.

You rolled your eyes at the color palette of the entire room and thought that maybe the guy hadn’t decorated in a while. It made you think of Yoongi's liking for dark colors even though he was viewed as basically the opposite— the god of love. If you were going to live here for the rest of your life, a thought that made you sigh, might as well change the place a bit. Adding tones of lighter colors would not be so bad, maybe brighten up the room and seem less like a cave and more like a palace. You looked around the room to the lanterns on the wall and decided that you would have to do something about that.

It didn’t even light up the room! What was the point of lights if you can’t even see the floor?

The air seemed less tense than when you entered the palace and you were definitely feeling it. The entire palace was suffocating when you walked inside, cold and sharp as if to hurt you. But now, it seemed different. Maybe not soft or lush like your home— or what was your home in the mortal realm. It was rather empty instead of spikes, a little bit better, but not great either.

You continued to look around the room before your eyes landed on a small nightstand and saw a few warmer clothes. You walked towards it and with one hand, as the other was tightly holding his coat, you felt the material. It was a lot thicker than your chiton and was a dark green, reminiscent of the forest trees back home. Your lips lifted up in a light smile at the thought and decided to change into it. Before removing your current dress, you saw that there was a flower. You didn’t understand how flowers could grow in the Underworld, and when you picked it up and realized it was a silver color, but fake. Not the color of jewelry that you often saw other mortals wearing, but like a coin. It was pretty.

A piece of paper fell on the floor that had been next to the flower. Picking up to read it, you were surprised by the penmanship.

My apologies, Persephone. I have some duties I must attend to in Olympus. This palace is yours as well, ask for anything to the ghosts and they shall bring it.

You grimaced. While it was a thoughtful gesture in any other circumstance, you still were wary of this God. Putting the flower back on the table, you changed. The dress made you feel a lot warmer and the cloak was quickly discarded.

What time was it in the mortal world?

You wondered how time seemed to simultaneously slow down and speed up. Slowly tip-toeing out the room, you closed the door behind you very softly and continued through the hall. The hall seemed a little more lit up but it was still darker than usual. You wondered if you could use your powers to grow a bioluminescent lily, and light up the hallway. But after squeezing your eyes shut to concentrate, holding your palms out, and thinking heavily about life, you could not do it. You couldn’t even produce a regular lily. You didn’t understand.

Where did my powers go? How would I go back home? Was I.. not a goddess anymore?

You took a few deep breaths and reminded yourself, relax, it’s fine. But it seemed far from fine, you would just have to ask Hades when you saw him. You roamed around the hallways, finding winding staircases, huge rooms, empty rooms, rooms that weren’t empty but you wished they were when you saw inside, and all filled with the scent of death. You quickly turned away from those rooms and opted to keep walking.

It seemed that minutes turned into an hour, an hour and a half, then two. You brought your hands together and rubbed them together. The hallway seemed to never end and you wondered where the door was. You just wanted some fresh air, you tried convincing yourself. It’s not like I’m trying to escape..

“Excuse me,” a voice called out. Your eyes widened and you whipped your head back to only see more darkness, and heard it continue, “but who are you?”

“Don’t come closer! I might seem weak but I could knock you out with one punch.” Your voice was a lot steadier than you let on. You were tired of being afraid all the time.

“..I’m sure you can but you didn’t answer my question. I don’t care what type of hero or princess you were as a mortal but you’re dead now. Listen up, I’m in charge here.”

“Mortal?”

“Yes, didn’t your mother ever tell you not to get a God angry?”

“..I’m Kore, the daughter of Demeter. Goddess of the Spring, flora, and fauna. Whoever you are, know this. I am in charge here.”

The hallway suddenly brightened up and you lifted yourself with your head held up high. While the light was too bright for your eyes, you tried not to let it phase you and faced the figure that revealed itself in the light. You glared at the man in front of you, he was wrapped in a black cloth— seriously, what was up with the color scheme here?— and wouldn’t meet your eyes. He quickly glanced at you with a grimace but kept his head down for the remainder of the time as he felt utterly embarrassed. His scythe that was on his back made your eyebrows raise.

“Well?”

“Look, I’m sorry—“

“You better be, and you better tell me quickly why you tried to trick me before I turn you into a cactus.”

“..I’m Thanatos, the God of Death, the one who reaps the souls. I..I come here to report to Hades. I didn’t know his wife was here.”

At the word wife, you twitched. You weren’t just someone’s wife, you were your own goddess. Styx, the gods needed to learn some manners. You stepped up close to him, still with a serious gaze. Grabbing his shoulder, you speak coldly.

“Don’t call me just his wife. I’m more than that.”

“R-right, sorry. Kore.”

“No, not Kore. That is reserved for my mother and the nymphs. Call me, Y/N.”

Thanatos looked at you quizzically. You seemed so calm and usually this was where the other gods would punish him. You gave a small smile before complimenting on his scythe. He had never encountered any god that was so carefree and kind. You looked young, maybe a few eons old, yet your eyes held a soft wise look that could only come with experiences.

You asked curiously, “Did you make it so that these hallways are so dark?”

Thanatos answered quickly and rushed over his words, “Um, yes. I apologize. It’s much brighter because Hades sometimes mirrors the daytime of the mortal world.”

“Hm, so you’re the one who made me lost!”

Thanatos tried to test his luck, he was a God he couldn’t possibly die, right?

“..You’ve been wandering in circles for the last half an hour.”

“..And?”

You scoffed at his continued rudeness but it seemed more playful than last time. It was better than being alone all the time, sure, but you wanted to ask someone who didn’t know what was going on like you. Couldn’t the Fates just help you out here? But truly, you were happy to smile and have a friend.

“It gets kinda lonely here, doesn’t it?”

“..Yes. Hades often works until he collapses.”

“You don’t have to be so formal with me, please let us walk.”

You pondered over Thanatos’s words, did he really work like that? That wasn’t healthy but you wouldn’t fret over it for too long, he could take care of himself. Switching to think about yourself, you realized you didn’t have any contact with Jimin, your mother, or anyone else you knew. It was just you in this huge palace, and the guy in front of you of course.

“Hm, Thanatos?”

“Yes?”

“Is it.. just you here?”

“Well, mortal souls come and go. Some heroes test their luck with Hades but he’s colder than Hera.”

“In that case, mind being my companion until I go home?”

Thanatos didn’t understand your request. Not only had you just asked the personification of death, the son of Nyx, to be your friend, but you proposed it as if you were leaving. No one but himself and Hades left the Underworld. Thanatos was baffled beyond measure and his face showed it completely. You tried not to get frustrated at his obvious confusion and waited patiently.

“Oh, um. Sure.”

“Awesome, now onto more important matters. Why the fuck am I here?”

“W-What? What do you mean? Didn’t Zeus—”

“Namjoon? I haven’t seen that old man in ages!”

Thanatos stuttered, understanding that you were a powerful Goddess was one thing but talking about the King of all Gods so casually was a whole other. “Well, Hades has visited you once, when you were younger. He asked Zeus for your name and Zeus told him that you and your mother would have wanted this union.”

“When I was younger? OH!”

Suddenly you remembered when you had first come down to Earth to live with your mother. She was busy the first few months and had let you wander off (with nymph supervision of course) but as the mischievous child you were, you had run fast away until you hit a river. At the river you distinctly remembered a young man, the same age as you practically, that held out a purple flower. Entranced by the dark petals— usually only bright yellows and oranges were flowers— and by the dashing young man, you had become friends. Rarely speaking about yourselves, you would talk about flowers. Something both of you really liked. Now that Thanatos mentioned it, the black messed up hair seemed to resemble Hades, and his love for dark colors— something that you didn’t quite agree with— was evident too.

“Oh..I see. Well, my mother would never give me off to someone! She’s wonderful and very protective so Joon’s lied to you. But I guess that’s something to settle with Hades himself. Now, what’s something fun we could do around here?”

Thanatos slowly smiled at your enthusiasm, it was like a breath of life into his life. He had lived most of his life in the shadow of his mentor, Hades and although he enjoyed Hades’s company..it was hurting him. Thanatos wanted to be known for his own thing, why didn’t he have altars or temples in the mortal realm? Though that question was probably fruitless since mortals didn’t know what they were doing most of the time.

For the next few days, or weeks— you couldn’t really tell— you spent your time with Thanatos when he was free. He was free almost all of the time, showing many new rooms and how to not get lost through the hallways. He also let you vent about your worries. You worried that your mother must have been saddened without your presence, and maybe even Jimin was missing your short talks. Hopefully the flowers in the meadow had fully bloomed by now. All of these things, and more, kept running through your head and you liked that Thanatos had basically nothing else to do but give you advice. You appreciated his company but you wanted to see the person that brought you here too. Hades— Seokjin you figured out from Thanatos— was apparently extremely busy with human deaths. Maybe there was a new sacrifice that Zeus was putting them through? Or maybe another war? You didn’t really care too much until you realized that Seokjin would have to stay up there, counting and making sure that everyone and everything that died was in place before coming back. That’s supposed to be Thanatos’s job but apparently even he couldn’t round that many people. Strange.

A conversation with Thanatos also raised your frustration.

“So Tan-Tan.”

“No.”

“Tosy?”

“Nope.”

“Tanny?”

“..Can you please just call me Thanatos, Y/N.”

“You call me Y/N! Come on, let me give you a nickname.”

“Y/N is the name you chose. That’s different and no.”

“You’re literally so boring. Anyways, when’s Hades coming back? I’m getting tired of your face.”

“I am literally not boring! I’m Death, how can I be boring? aND MY FACE IS PRETTY WHAT DO YOU MEAN?!”

“You talk like— never mind. Ignoring your pretty obvious questions, I asked, why is Seokjin taking so long?”

Thanatos paused, Zeus had warned the minor god that if he told Y/N what was happening in the world above, he’d be cursed. Being cursed as a God was the farthest from good.

“Mortals..have been in a war recently.”

“Oh, whatever for? They have food, warm weather, sunshine, and plentiful water. There shouldn’t be anything missing…Right?”

Good thing that he would be able to escape your line of questions by just disappearing in a fit of smoke. You glared at Thanatos and when you started seeing smoke forming. You lifted your hand to stop him but it passed through the air like nothing was there.

Stupid Thanatos, thinking he can trick me. I’ll figure out what’s happening up there!

You tried to be determined but you were scared too.

You reached for the front door of the palace, somehow making itself very easy to find, and you pulled on the handle. It didn’t budge. You pulled harder, it stayed the same. Realizing that you were still stuck here, you tried punching the door. But that only left you with a hurt pride and a bruised knuckle. Groaning loudly, you dragged your feet back to your bedroom and decided to take a nap.

Better than waiting for him to come back.

By the time you woke up, an empty gold plate was left on your nightstand. You rubbed the drowsiness out of your eyes and reached for it. Ghost servants usually came to give you your meals this way. An empty plate where you can think about what you want and it’ll appear. It was pretty nice but you were getting more tired about the fact that no one would eat with you.

You finished your lunch? Dinner? You didn’t know and didn’t bother figuring out. A few days ago, Thanatos had shown you a library and you had been encouraged to use it. You had picked out a few books and was still reading it. (F/G) was by far the best genre and you always liked authors that wrote about it.

While reading on the bed, you decided to move around for a change of scenery. Wandering the hallways alone, you stopped in front of your favorite room. The throne room. Also the room that was “off limits” but you lived here so you didn’t really care.

The warning was for a reason. Hades didn’t think you would be there and so when he first shadow travelled there, he was surprised. Finally, the person that plagued your days and nights had come home. But he didn’t look great.

You had heard his footsteps before seeing his face, thinking it was just Thanatos. You sat on Hades’s throne, as it was the only one there. It looked a lot like a hard brick of marble, and definitely felt like it, but it was a lot softer than you imagined too. Not nearly as soft as the meadows back home. It was cold and smooth, like the freshwater rivers.

Wonderful.

Soft footsteps grabbed your attention from the book and up to the person in front of you. Your feet that were haphazardly thrown over the throne quickly turned around to the front. The book once in your hands dropped to the floor but you didn’t rush forward to meet him.

Hades.

“What happened?” You asked breathlessly, your hands fumbling with each other but your feet didn’t move. Hades’s shirt was soaked with gold and he was limping towards you.

Was this a trick? To make you vulnerable?

He looked at you and you could only comprehend the soft murmur of your name on his lips before he fell forward, his eyes closing shut.

You’re here...Y/N..

Running towards his side, you caught him as he landed on your chest. You felt a blade handle on his back and held back a scream.

Hades had gone up to Mount Olympus the very next morning after your arrival into the palace. His brother Namjoon had looked at him in confusion, Seokjin never came late to their monthly briefings, opting to come on time and leave as fast as he could, but usually they would take a few weeks to finish. His hair had been tousled through several times and he kept clutching his feather necklace when listening to Namjoon, Hermes, and the other gods and goddesses’s discussion of famine, war, and other things that were troubling mortals.

They only knew this because mortals just loved to blame the gods for not being able to do anything to save them. But, when in peril, their curses turned into prayers and while it annoyed the everliving Styx out of all them, it made sense. Deities that were supposed to be all powerful couldn’t even get rid of a simple plague or bug that was absolutely destroying the population and food? Seemed sketchy.

Namjoon wanted to ask what his brother was thinking about but whenever he looked at the feather dangling from his neck, he shut his mouth. When the Gods were first born to take care of the world, Namjoon had banished Seokjin to the Underworld. Only giving a necklace with a black feather before doing so, saying that his miseries would be fulfilled when the necklace was put on its rightful owner. What authority did he have on his brother’s life if he was the one who made it so horrible?

No, Namjoon would keep his bruised ego to himself and stay silent. He did not get the right to ask him what the matter was— it just seemed wrong and distasteful. So, he turned a blind eye and let Seokjin leave in a rush. Jin always left in a rush, he didn’t like sleeping in Olympus for so long. Namjoon was so preoccupied with his thoughts, that he didn’t notice his brother stopping at the foot of Olympus and meeting her.

Unfortunately for Seokjin, it was only the mother of who he was so concerned about. He wondered if the Fates had just thought it would be funny to pair the quietest god with you. He had heard wonderful stories of you, Kore. The original reason he was so attracted to you. Zeus himself had told him that you were the strongest and kindest Goddess there was, sprinkling in your humor and beauty to try and make you seem more appealing. But Seokjin had met you once, you had mistaken him for a minor god. That was eons ago, you probably didn’t even remember but the way you had walked towards him, with such confidence and power.

God, he really liked you.

He felt bad at the same time, here he was, this lovestruck God, for a Goddess that probably despised him from taking you away from your home. Did the Fates hate you so badly to let Zeus convince him to take you? Jin was about to greet your mother but the slap to his face certainly made him backtrack.

Demeter slapped him and the fury she brought with her made all present in Olympus tremble. She spoke with such power, it was clear where you inherited your confidence.

“Are you happy? Now that you have my daughter all to yourself?”

Jin gently touched his red cheek, confused at the sudden aggression and onslaught of questions.

Didn’t Zeus say that Demeter and you were glad to be offered a proposal from him?

“She’s the only thing that kept me alive, the world spinning, and here you are, not even at her side! You fool! Don’t take my status among the Olympians lightly, I am still powerful and if you cross me I will make you regret it.”

Demeter yelled out in one breath, as if she had been waiting years to say it. Her frustration and anger was evident and the icy tone could easily cut harshly into the heart, “Does it bring you so much joy to have Persephone all to yourself? My most precious possession—?”

“She is not an object.”

Demeter paused, then scoffed at Seokjin’s quiet but confident interjection. She glanced up at him and almost gasped at his eyes which had a purple fire burning in them.

Instinctively taking a step back and crossing her arms around her shoulders, she continued, “..Obviously. But you’re still in the wrong. How dare you take her! I’m her mother, you are nothing.”

The fire in Seokjin’s eyes simmered down but were still clearly there, and he responded with a level tone, “It doesn’t matter who I am or will be to Y/N. You or any other living, dead, or immortal being can not talk about her like that.”

“Stop talking like the hero, you stole her!”

“Stole her? Zeus said—”

“Zeus is a liar. You, of all people, should know this.”

Seokjin fell quiet and his eyes returned to their normal color, he couldn’t bring himself to disagree now that he knew the truth. He had stolen you, and he laughed at himself in his thoughts. Who was he to defend you like this when he treated you the same way?

He was not your husband, whether or not the Fates tied your strings together, whether or not Zeus had assured him that you were happy to be with him. He had witnessed the marriages of his siblings and their respective significant others. The Olympians were famous for their affairs, demigod children, and stupidity. He had promised himself that he wouldn’t end up like that, or force his significant other to love him. No, that would be your decision and your decision only. But the moment you step into the Underworld, there was a rule that applied to everyone except himself and Thanatos. No one could leave.

“..Goodbye Demeter.”

Seokjin kept his head down and vanished with only a black smoke left behind in his wake. Demeter folded her arms and tapped her foot impatiently.

“You’ll regret this, God of Death. Mark my words, she is not yours.”

Seokjin appeared in the middle of Demeter’s palace, somewhere completely different to where he was aiming. He should work on his powers.

What type of god (a bumbling idiot for sure) couldn’t even control his powers? He wasn’t a few eons on for Styx sake! But he definitely acted like a blushing teenager when around you— again, another thing he sincerely had to work on.

He looked around the white, marble balcony he was standing in. He could feel you. But you weren’t here…right? Where was he? He willed himself to shadow travel again and landed in the middle of a town. If he could still call it that.

It was destroyed.

By war, famine, or a plague, even Seokjin would never know. It was barren, but he heard coughing in a few huts. The crops in the field nearby had dried up and the river that used to flow was only a trickle. He walked through the paths and found a family of two bundled together trying to fight off the cold— cold?

Now that he thought about it, it was freezing. There was frost on the ground. Usually the mortal realm was flourishing in either Spring or Summer but it was neither right now. What was this cold, soul-less feeling? Something was terribly wrong and Seokjin was sure Demeter should have fixed it back to Spring.

Was this her anger?

Seokjin shook his head in confusion. Obviously, Demeter was angry that her only daughter was taken from her. The thought made Hades nauseous, how would he fix this? Better question, shouldn’t Namjoon have said something in the meeting?

Seokjin’s ears burned red when he realized that they probably did. It’s just that he was too preoccupied by the thought of you and your enchanting eyes, and soft lips— oh shit, shit, shit. Trying to snap out of it, Seokjin failed to hear the small footsteps of a child behind him.

Not that it should matter, mortals couldn’t see him. Right? The Fates were probably laughing at him, one of the Big Three yet he was dumber than a skeleton.

“Sir?”

Seokjin whipped his head around so fast that he was sure he heard a crack. But he was more focused and confused on the little child staring up at him in curious wonder. The kid had matted hair and a cloth dress that was barely thick enough to keep her from getting goosebumps on her arms. She was staring up at him but the dagger in her hand radiated power, but not just any power.

Godly power.

It flowed through the dagger into the surrounding air and Seokjin was sure that at this point there was no way this child wasn’t a monster or a god in disguise.

Her eyes suddenly rolled back and turned white. With her mouth open, she started to chant ancient Greek at a speed even Seokjin couldn’t keep up to, but he picked up one phrase.

Περσεφόνη νεκρός, άνοιξη νεκρός.

Everything clicked in his head just as the girl seemed to vanish.

Persephone is dead, Spring is dead.

Seokjin felt an electric shock in the middle of his back, intense heat, and then he doubled over from pain. He hadn’t experienced such scalding and burning feelings ever. His legs collapsed from under him and when he looked at his hand covering his midsection, he saw ichor, the golden blood of all immortal beings, covering his hand. He looked behind him to see the young, mortal girl.

“Demeter.”

The young girl transformed into the goddess in an instant and the dagger in her hand was coated with ichor. Looking at it made him queasy— ironic because he’s the god of the dead and he’s getting nauseous from blood. Poseidon and Zeus would surely laugh at his deplorable state if they ever saw him. But Seokjin was still more concerned about why Demeter had stabbed him.

Demeter may have been angry but not enough to kill— even she had principles. But, nonetheless impressive, he’ll give her that. But the pain was making him see black flecks in his vision— poison perhaps. It made him more worried than he should be.

“You were foolish to think that I would let you get away with this. Truly, is there anything in that head of yours?”

“You— why? I didn’t take her on purpose!”

“LIES, you men are all the same! But, don’t you like my little toy? It’s wonderful, truly. Hephaestus must’ve pitied me, not that I care as he has his own problems with Aphrodite and Ares, but he made a weapon that even a God could get hurt from. Zeus said I had one chance, but judging by the fact he lied to me, I don’t care. Now, this. THIS is for Persephone. DO NOT FORGET IT.”

With that, Demeter stabbed Hades in the same wound and Seokjin yelled out. The tip of the blade sank deeper and Demeter twisted it to make sure the blade touched every part of his wound. She jerked it out only to push it further, making Seokjin choke and roar in agonizing pain. Demeter saw the ichor flowing freely out of the wound and stepped back. She disappeared into the night, leaving Seokjin alone. He had one thought in his mind while the pain took all energy out of him to do anything else.

Y/N

His form was gone with a flash and all that was left of his presence was the pool of ichor on the ground. Even that faded into the ground.

“Styx! Hades, Hades, stay awake!” You screamed while trying to see how to pull out the dagger that was inches deep in his back.

His breathing had slowed down and your hands were frantically trying to keep him up. The bedroom was way too far so you would have to set him down on the floor. Trying to be careful, you made him lean on you and sit on the floor. His head was on your chest and his eyes were closed. There was a bit of gold on his lips and you were getting increasingly worried.

You looked around, “Shit, this is bad. Thanatos! How did this..” You tried not to shuffle Hades around but your arms were weak with worry.

Thanatos immediately appeared in front of you at your request and the scene made him startled. His hands were shaking and he didn’t understand what was happening. The words you were saying were muffled and his eyes were blurred. He could only look at the deep gash and the skin cut around it, a horrible shade of green.

“Thanatos! Pay attention. I need you to stay calm and get me some bandages, okay? Can you do that?” Your voice was shaking but you tried to keep it level.

His head nodded slightly and he instantly disappeared. He’d have to find mortal supplies because there was no reason to keep medical supplies in a palace for a god. Something was very wrong. Gods couldn’t die, right?

“Okay, okay Y/N. You got this, just put pressure on the wound and seal it shut. Okay, how hard could this be?” You reassured yourself in frustration, you were scared beyond belief.

You hesitantly put your hands on the dagger’s handle and when you touched it, a blood curdling scream left Seokjin’s mouth.

His breathing was getting shorter and faster, but he was still awake. You had nurtured a squirrel back to life after it fell down a tree but that was basically all the experience you had with medical equipment. You reasoned that until Thanatos brought back bandages, you wouldn’t be able to securely stitch up his back wound. A thought entered your mind, Why are you helping him?, but you shook it off as soon as you thought about it. It didn’t matter, Hades didn’t deserve to die.

“O-okay Hades, I’m gonna need you to stay calm. Okay? I’m flipping you on to your stomach, just keep talking to me okay?”

“I.. okay. I’ll keep talking..”

“Good, that’s good. You’re doing great.”

“You can call me Jin, you know.”

“Oh alright, Jin. You can call me Y/N, just keep talking.”

You slowly put your hands on his chest, trying to ignore how your left shoulder was numb from his weight, and slowly focused on the dagger in front of you. You could see the wound was ghastly. Green and gold colors mixed, as if it was poisoned. Poison. You hoped you would be able to save him. The ichor had finally clotted on the dagger, but the green foam seemed to keep stopping Jin’s body from regenerating. You remembered when you fell once and got a scratch, it instantly healed.

“Shit, shit, shit. This i-isn’t working. I-I need to—“

Jin frowned, “It’s okay Y/N. Don’t…worry. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re not healing, you are not fine!” You insisted. “I wish I had my powers, then I could do something. Ugh, this is so stupid.”

Jin paused, thinking over your words. “They don’t work here? That’s odd. My palace..should let you have everything.”

You huffed. “Uh-huh, you’re telling me. Look, just…don’t die, alright? We’ve barely met and I’d like to be friends.. again.”

“Did..Thanatos tell you that we were friends?”

“..No, I remembered it on my own obviously. It’s not like it’s been eons since then.”

“Y/N,” Jin’s clammy hand found your open one. “You’re really…something.”

You grimaced when he squeezed your hand from the pain. You were pleasantly surprised with how this conversation was turning out, it didn’t seem too forced. But it was almost like the Fates were tricking you again. Probably laughing at your naivety and hope.

Jin groaned and particularly squeezed your hand tighter, making you yelp in surprise. He apologized softly but even you could see that the poison was seeping through his shirt more and making it lighter somehow— possibly from the golden color of his blood.

You’re losing time, and Jin is not getting better. You really don’t want him to die, and you’re not really sure why either.

What has Jin done for you? He’s taken you away from your home, forced you to live in his palace, and for what? To be his ever loving, loyal, and submissive trophy wife?  

Whispers in your mind keep telling you, don’t care! But you can’t. You can’t just leave him here, hurt and poisoned. You won’t.

Maybe that’s your fatal flaw. Helping everyone without actually considering if they deserve it. Maybe your mother was right, you aren’t ready for this world. But it didn’t matter. Jin needed your help, and you were going to help him. Somehow.

Looking down at Jin’s body, he was still breathing but definitely labored. You didn’t know how to help him other than try to put pressure on the wound. Recounting words from a friend, you decided that a certain god might be able to help you.

“Oh Apollo, God of Immeasurable Light, the Healer of Sickness and Diseases. Please, I ask you to heal Hades for he has done no wrong where this poison should have befallen him. Please, listen to my prayer.”

Kore, daughter of Demeter and Goddess of the Spring, flora, and fauna. You ask for too much. What has happened to Hades is of his own doing.

“Who has he hurt? Let him live and I will see to it that they are reimbursed for his sins.”

Oh, Y/N. You do not understand. He has hurt someone that is insatiable. What they want will never be allowed for.

“Who? Who has he hurt? Surely I can convince them?”

You will do it? For his life? What has he done that makes you compelled so? Saving his life is not simple. My powers may not curse you but you will be eternally bound to your duty after he has been healed.

“Do not ask a question that is none of your business. I shall complete your task when he has fully healed. Now, heal him!”

Alright. But do not beg me to undo this.

You didn’t think about what would happen to you. Hoseok was usually kind and the task would not be so heartless. You’re sure he was only being so formal because of pleasantries..right?

As you questioned your intentions, you saw that the green foam was becoming concentrated into a glass-like orb. It was the potent poison that the blade had been coated with. You carefully took it in your hand and stuffed it in one of the pockets of your dress.

Lifting Jin so that his face was facing you, you realized he was unconscious, probably from the pain. His eyebrows furrowed, and lips in a thin line made you think of how much stress he was in. But a more pressing matter plagued your mind.

Who did this to him?

After asking Thanatos for help, the two of you were able to lift Jin into his bed and let him rest there. The entire time Seokjin couldn’t bear to remove his hand from yours and you could practically see Thanatos’s eyebrows moving up and down in a suggestive manner. That god was basically a man-child at this point.

“So, what do we do?”

“We have to wait, Y/N. There’s not much else we can do.”

“Right, right..He’ll be fine, right? Like nothing will happen to him that bad, right? Maybe I should try praying to Apollo again, yeah—“

Thanatos put a hand on your shoulder to stop your rambling and look up at him. His eyes tried to tell you to stop but you could see the pity in it.

“Y/N. It’ll be okay. You did the right thing by praying to Apollo. You should probably be more worried about yourself and what duty you have to follow than Hades. Hades is the God of the Dead, he’ll be fine.”

Your heart twisted and you could feel your hands becoming clammy. You wondered why you kept feeling so anxious, hoping that it would go away if you walked around or something. You didn’t like the antsy feeling, wanting to get rid of it by all means. The duty Apollo had asked of you didn’t even register when you were praying, you just were too preoccupied with Hades almost dying.

“Right, right..But maybe I should stay here? To make sure he’s okay?”

“..It’s your choice, but don’t let it overtake you. I can’t help both of you if you collapse from exhaustion.”

“Haha, yeah..”

Thanatos disappeared quickly after, saying he had some work to do. Taking a seat, you brushed a piece of hair out of Jin’s face while trying not to disturb him in his sleep. His left hand was still holding onto yours, not letting go anytime soon. Gently trailing over his knuckles in an effort to soothe yourself and hopefully Jin, you started thinking about your stay here.

It was shit. You had been taken from your home, the Fates had told you that you got married to the God of the Underworld, who apparently was one of your oldest friends, you were stuck in a really dark palace, and now your spouse is resting in bed from almost dying. And you’re indebted to Apollo.

Great!

Swarmed with less than kind thoughts about Seokjin and how you managed to get here, you didn’t take notice of him stirring until his hand squeezed yours slightly, “Hey sleepy head..”

He blinked lethargically, raising his right hand to stretch,“..How.. how long was I out?”

“Not long, just a few hours at most. Are you feeling any better? Need anything?”

“No.. Um, why are you helping me?”

You paused, so maybe the thoughts that plagued your mind weren’t just in your head. Not knowing how to answer— because you had been beating yourself about it too— you shrugged your shoulders.

“You don’t deserve to die, no one does. The person who stabbed you.. should watch their back. I’ll personally give them the worst harvest for the rest of their life.”

Jin laughed abruptly but the pain in his chest didn’t subside, making him cough. You lifted him up more and patted him to try to calm him down, which worked for a while. The tips of his mouth were upturned, as if he didn’t just almost die, and his ears were turning red.

“I don’t understand you, Y/N and I don’t think I ever will.”

“No problem but you got to answer me this, what in the everliving Styx happened?”

Jin’s happy expression dropped for a second and you thought it was your imagination but you could feel that the atmosphere had changed quickly.

“..Humans have been starving recently, I was afraid to tell you because you have such a close connection to them.”

“So it’s not a war, like Thanatos told me?”

“…”

You sighed a shaky breath, as this majorly concerned you. Your mother was very strict in making sure everything in Spring was correctly taken care of and nothing was out of place. If it had become so bad where people were starving, well something was wrong. War wasn’t exactly starving people, sure it could lead to less food and things but the real problem here was why everyone kept hesitating to tell why this was happening. Was Zeus mad? Was Apollo mad? Who the fuck was mad to make the mortal world so bad?

“So..you’re not going to tell me who started this?”

Instead of fidgeting with your hands, you fully sat down on the bed. You looked at the bandages on his back and decided to redo them because they had already soaked through. Carefully unwrapping the bandages, you tried not to fluster at how close you had to be to unwrap the from around his body. While rewrapping the cloth and your hands were basically hugging his torso at one point to get them all the way, Jin gently put his hand on yours.

You stopped, suddenly too aware of how you were almost cuddling Jin and how he was soothingly rubbing your hands. You could already feel your face getting hot and you desperately tried to think of anything except his hard chest or his broad shoulder you kept brushing over.

“No..no, I can’t..”

You tried not to let his words have too much of an effect on you, it’s not like he couldn’t have some privacy from you. But this was different, his life was on the line a few hours ago. You hoped you would be able to persuade him later. Right now, you had a bigger responsibility to take care of. You tightened the bandages on his torso, causing him to yell in pain.

“HEY! What was that for?!”

“You’re not.. very nice, you know that?”

The moment you said the words, your entire body sagged and Jin could feel your hands slowly pulling away. But he didn’t want to let go, they were much too comforting, much too soft for him to let go of them. Jin tried to speak but your response cut him from doing so.

“Whatever, just go to sleep Jin!”

Jin heard the crack in your voice and got ashamed of himself for not being able to answer you. He didn’t want his relationship with you to be any more strained and telling you that your mom almost killed him would definitely screw it up. While your hands had stopped and your head was down, Jin slowly turned around so he could face you. You were so preoccupied with what he had said that you didn’t realize he was facing you until he cupped your cheeks.

Your eyes were glistening a little bit, which made Jin’s entire body soften and feel helpless, but you didn’t even know why. This didn’t even happen with your mother yet when Jin was hesitant to say who hurt him, you naturally started to feel sad and uncomfortable. A few tears started to fall down and Jin softened even more, wanting to try and help you or comfort you in some way. He brushed his thumb over your cheek to get rid of the tears and you closed your eyes at the movement.

“Why can’t you just tell me? Weren’t we friends once? I’m not that kid okay! I can handle it, I’m a lot stronger than I look.”

Jin’s heart breaks at your questions and he can’t even explain how the string in his heart starts to feel strained— you feel it in your own too. Taking his hands off your cheeks and holding yours, he swiftly puts a kiss to your forehead before you can even realize. It was soft but it burned into your memory. You could feel his eyes on you but the kiss was quick and yet your cheeks felt like they were on fire from the sweet gesture. If Jimin had done it, you wouldn’t have felt anything but now that Jin did it, you definitely were feeling something.

“I want to, I do! You’re not that kid anymore, you’ve definitely grown up. But, it’s complicated and you really wouldn’t believe me.”

While you were still reeling at the revelation that Jin kissed your forehead, the god in question started feeling immensely proud of how he was making you flustered. It was a much more welcomed look than you in tears, that sight would always hurt him. He smiled lightly at your shocked expression before feeling extremely drowsy from all the events.

“..I see, alright then. Tell me when we’re better friends.”

God, they’re really cute. I wonder if..

Taking another risk, Jin settled his head into your lap and you almost stopped breathing.

Never thought I’d say this but my husband is going to be the death of me.

“It’ll take a while but I will. Eventually.”

After that day, the two of you kept getting closer to each other. Whether that be when you woke up and saw that he had draped a blanket over you. Or when you found his office room, after a long time trying, and pushed his hair out of his face when you saw him trying to take a nap. You also helped redress his bandages because they seemed to wrinkle more often than usual; believing that Jin had something to do with it, you didn’t bring the question up.

Why would you not want to see your husband shirtless?

He even had another throne built for you beside his own, decorated with lighter colors which had made you laugh as it stood out so much in the dark room. The two of you would eat together in a dining room you didn’t even know existed. There were two big chairs on either side, but the table was so long so you opted to move it closer to him. Seokjin tried to play it off as if he was cool about it but on the inside he was screaming about how sweet the gesture was. At one point you even had the idea of making rings for each other. Seokjin was also the God of Wealth—since jewels are created underground�� and so had an advantage, making two gold rings. While you tore a small piece of cloth of your green dress to make two cloth rings. Each of you wore both a gold and a cloth ring, symbolic for the friendship (and later love) you shared.

Once, he even showed you a large library, full of books about, death for sure but many others about adventures, myths, romances, fantasy, and some new ones about (F/G). You spent most of your time going between the bookshelves trying to find something to expand your knowledge on godly powers. For some practice with your own, you had asked Jin to get some seeds or plants down to the palace. But, the moment he did, they were instantly killed and even then, your powers couldn’t revive them.

“This is so useless!” You groaned for the umpteenth time, “How is it that my powers just disappear?”

Jin looked at you and hummed in solidarity, “I’m not sure, I’ll check the library for some books about godly powers and um, maybe Demeter..”

At the mention of your mother, you stiffened but forced yourself to loosen your limbs. You shook your head from the intrusive thoughts and nodded towards Jin, allowing him to lead the way to the library as you thought about what your mother had taught you about your powers.

They are an extension of yourself, Kore. If you’re uncomfortable, it’ll become jagged and out of control.

Jagged and out of control was certainly the emotions and atmosphere you had when you came into Hades’s palace.

You have to control your powers just like you are able to control your emotions.

Your environment is important. Olympus is not a place where your powers can work because Spring does not touch it. Only the mortal realm does.

Maybe the Underworld wouldn’t let you have powers either.

Be careful! When you get upset, those plants can grow thorns rather than flowers.

“Are you alright? You seem..disturbed.”

“Disturbed?” You came back to the present and raised your eyebrow as if the adjective Jin said was the most illogical word, “I’m fine, just a little confused.”

“Fair enough, but I think I know what book you need.”

You looked at the seemingly never ending shelves and rows of bookcases. The books in here defied time; there were section of ‘past’ books which were finished, ‘present’ books which added a new page and words every time the author wrote in real time, and ‘future’ books which had books with blank pages without titles but the date they would be finished was already printed on the cover. It was magnificent, you could find any book and read it as it was being written, and if you cracked the intense magic that protected the books, you could even read the literature that hadn’t even been written yet.

“Which?”

Jin sighed, running his fingers through his hair and taking one look at the library before fixing on you, “It’s in the past section which is good but the title escapes me, probably having something about godly power or an index of their abilities.”

“Who wrote that?”

“Athena, she’s a bit too enthusiastic when it comes to things like this.”

“..Did you just call Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom, a nerd?”

“Well-I mean..am I wrong?”

You laughed loudly, echoing across the long walls and between shelves. Your head tipped back and your arms hugged yourself to keep your frame from shaking. Jin’s ears turned red with embarrassment, for he had no idea why you were laughing so much. To be honest, you couldn’t either. It was just so funny that one of the most formal of gods talked so normally, a happy accident truly.

“It’s alright,” You were still giggled a little bit and by this time Jin was chuckling too, “Let’s go find this book. Split up?”

Jin nodded and went to the right part of the ‘past’ section while you headed over to the left. The two of you looked at the titles of each book but none of the key words or phrases in them matched. The search seemed useless.

Seokjin couldn’t find anything in his section, and even after having several ghost servants to help him— Thanatos showed up for a few minutes too— there was nothing to be found. Deciding that working together or at least being in the same company as you would be more beneficial then the current strategy, he headed to you.

You weren’t having any luck either, but hearing footsteps, your mood turned for the better. After spending some time with your husband, you had realized he had a lot of endearing qualities to him. He always took care of you when you were missing home, opting to bring fake flowers, like the silver one from your first day here, that wouldn’t die but would remind you of your home back in the mortal realm. They were delicate all the same, but you liked holding them and imagining yourself back in those fields.

You missed it, a lot. You missed your mother even more.

But you couldn’t deny that Jin’s company wasn’t delightful. He never made you do anything or feel afraid, his presence was calming and when you were together, the string in your hearts felt connected and alive. The two of you were unfortunately way too shy to admit it but, there was definitely some sort of love between you two. The way your heart soared when looking at each other or laughing at the most unfunny jokes. You hadn’t missed the red ears he had when you complimented him and he definitely didn’t miss your stuttering when he called you loving names in front of his servants or the inevitable mortal or “hero” who wanted something from Jin.

Since gods were not permitted to directly help mortals, often blessed or favored mortals called heroes emerged. They were given unimaginable powers and strength to fight off evil monsters or save villages. Once a man endowed with superhuman musical skills came to the two of you, asking for help. His singing moved the ghost servants and the gray horses that were outside the palace. The two of you were no match either.

“Oh God who rules the dark and silent Underworld,” The man sang with his lyre, tears in his eyes, “I beg you to help me. All lovely things at last go down to you. But I seek one who came to you too soon. The bud was plucked before the flower bloomed. I tried to bear my loss. I could not bear it.”

Seokjin knew that Orpheus was seeking out his wife, Eurydice, and the prominent aspects of love in the song tightened the string in his heart. While Orpheus sang for his dead wife’s revival, he glanced at your face and the refusal suddenly got stuck in his throat.

You looked longingly at Orpheus as his song for Eurydice’s freedom made you feel drowsy and heartbroken. Here was a newlywed couple, both full of joy that they could marry the person of their dreams, but then disaster struck. The woman had unfortunately died on their wedding day and here was her husband, traveling fearlessly through the depths of hell to beg for her back— all for love. A few tears escaped your eyes as the desire to resonate with the man was so strong. You wanted to feel as loved as Eurydice did, wanted someone to love you as strong as Orpheus did for her. Did Hades even know what love meant?

Seokjin could feel your pain, the string that connected your hearts often shared those strong emotions. He liked sharing the happy ones, when you were laughing at something he said or smiling brightly because of his cheesy and old fashioned jokes. Not because you didn’t feel loved. It was breaking his heart to know that you wanted to feel this love and despite his own insecurities of being unlovable, he promised himself that he would love you fully. He would love you as much and more than Orpheus loved his wife, and even more than that. Seokjin felt so heartbroken that you didn’t feel loved already and made it his mission to show you just how much he cared.

“My love is too strong. So I beg of you, King of the Dead,” Orpheus was on his knees and looked at only Jin, “Help me so that I may hold my Eurydice!”

Seokjin raised his eyebrows by the blatant disrespect that Orpheus showed by ignoring you completely. You most likely did not notice it but the clear distinction the man had from you and him was a glaring red flag. But Seokjin could also sense that you were too swept up with the song that you would want to see the couple reunited despite the rudeness.

You put your hands on the hand-rests of your throne to lift yourself up when Seokjin put his hand on yours to stop you. Setting yourself back down, you looked in confusion up to him whose eyes did not stray from the man in front of him. Although Orpheus’s story was tragic, he had heard of many before. As the overseer of the Underworld, his heart had to be hard as steel, and so it was— until you of course. You had softened him by doing practically nothing, but the thought of you continued to melt him. Many mortals had approached Hades to beg for loved ones back and all requests were always refused. No doubt, Orpheus' music was sweet and very moving, but the look in your eyes and tears that dropped down your cheeks were much more convincing; anything to see his wife happy.

Seokjin slowly rubbed your knuckles before finally answering Orpheus, “Your music is ever so moving, but you must know that many couples have begged for their lovers before. I have refused all.”

At the statement, you had gasped and swerved your head to your husband trying to comprehend how someone could refuse so many heartbroken lovers. Orpheus is distraught and close to sobbing harder, dropping his lyre to the ground. But ignoring it all, Seokjin gently chuckles at your expression and strokes your cheek.

“However..” Seokjin starts with a twinkle in his eye.

Furrowing your eyebrows, you ask, “However?”

“To my right side is Persephone, Goddess of the Spring, flora, and fauna. She is my equal, my other half, and the love of my life. Her presence moves me to help you more than your music. For that, I shall grant you your wish of seeing Eurydice again.”

There is that familiar blush Seokjin has witnessed almost everyday, that adorns your cheeks again. Your eyes bulged out at his words and you couldn’t help but lean over to his throne and kiss his cheek in appreciation. He snickers lightly but in reality, his heart almost beat out of his chest. He’s as smitten with you as you are with him. A loveless King had turned sweet for his Queen.

But Orpheus does not seem to care for the intimate words between the two of you. For he seems angry, possibly envious of the love you two share, and resentful that his music that could move rocks on every hillside and turn the course of all rivers was nothing compared to what you could do. The loving look you two shared made him more furious that Eurydice was not beside him at the very instant. Unfortunately, having such wonderful musical abilities often followed with instant compliments and help. For that praise to be lacking from the Gods hurt Orpheus’s pride, and would eventually lead to his demise.

Orpheus snatched his lyre from the floor and said, “My music.. did not move you? I am appalled.”

You tilt your head in confusion, still with a smile on your face you turn to face the man. Seokjin looks at you when you ask, “Appalled? What for?”

“How has a whore been able to influence you, my King?”

At the comment, your smile falters and you see Jin’s eyes light up with the purple fire you saw when you met him. But instead of being a warm, welcoming and even comforting flame, it is chaotic, burning, and seething. He doesn’t need to see your face to see the crestfallen look, but instead whirled around to walk towards Orpheus. Jin’s anger was immeasurable and Orpheus was alarmed at how his eyes seem to flicker brighter with every passing moment. Glowering down at the man, the god was Hades, not the Jin you were used to. His eyes flashed and Orpheus saw every moment in his life up to then and what looked like an older version of himself. Only later would he realize that the God of the Dead had shown him his life in only a few flashes to humble him of his worth and his insignificance.

Realizing that the man may be scorched by your husband’s anger alone, you gracefully walked up to them. Your presence eased Orpheus’s mind for a split second before his eyes flickered back to Jin’s, it was obvious that Jin would not back down. Showing disrespect to you would result in nothing less than banishment to the Mourning Fields of unrequited love for the rest of eternity, or even a trip to Tartarus, the deepest abyss known to all deities.

But he really should have paid more attention to the scowl on your lips.

You spoke with a steely, calm tone, but it reeked of annoyance, “Who are you, a trivial, fleeting thought for me, a Goddess? You are nothing. Mind your tongue and consider yourself lucky that I do not turn you into a corn plant right here.”

After summoning Eurydice with a wave of your hand, you continued, “As you ascend, do not look back as she follows you. Like the explicit disrespect you showed me today, I will take Eurydice away from you.You will lead a desolate and lonely life, as your music will never be heard again.”

Without waiting for a response, you sent the two on your way and sat back down on your throne. Jin sat next to you in utter disbelief and awe of how you commanded respect in the room. He would tease you about it later but it truly showed you how the two of you were so interconnected with one another. Many other challengers would come to try their luck with the softened God, but he didn’t accept all of them— only the ones that you also approved of.

“Hey,” Seokjin started and you only just noticed how dangerously close he was to your face, “Is everything okay? You zoned out for a while.”

Coming back to the present, you realized that you were still in the library trying to find a book to help you with your powers. You had opened one that was clearly not what you were looking for, as the title had something related to (F/G) instead of godly powers. Snapping the book abruptly shut, dust swept up into the air and you coughed up a bit. Seokjin leaned away while you put the book back into its rightful place and tried to clear the air.

You sighed, “I haven’t been able to find anything even remotely related to what we were searching for.”

“It’s alright,” Jin said as he placed a hand on your shoulder in comfort, “I haven’t either. Maybe we should look for a book about you specifically.”

“Me? You think I would be in a book?”

“Well, you are the Goddess of Spring.” He chuckled and patted your head, “Pretty sure that’s important, baby.”

“Did you just call me..?”

“Shit, I didn’t know if nicknames were okay. Are they okay? I’m guessing they’re not okay? Are you not okay with them? Can I call you something else? Should I just stick to Y/N? Or Persephone? Wait, what about Kore? Or is that only reserved—”

You stopped his rambling by grabbing his hand and interlocking them. Looking up to gauge his reaction, you were pleasantly surprised to see that his mouth was upturned and he tried to turn away from your gaze.  

“It’s perfectly fine, my love.” With your term of endearment, Jin groaned and shook his head, “Now what should we do next?”

“I call you something cute like baby and you call me my love? Are you trying to open up my wounds?”

“I’m sure your heart will stay intact, what you should be more worried about is your lips!”

“..My lips?!”

You giggled at his star struck expression before you realized that you may have come of as too strong. Deep in thought, you caress his hand with your thumb before grabbing the black feather necklace he’s always worn. It takes Seokjin by surprise and he leans towards you, his face only a few inches from touching yours. His eyes flicker to your lips then back to your eyes and your smile slowly relaxes. He subconsciously licks his lips, and you were so close to just capturing them but you think again.

Did he want you as much as you did?

Seokjin could cut the tension with a knife, and he was going crazy not being able to kiss your lips. He internally groaned because his shy side was poking at him to run away and hide in a corner while the confident side of him wanted to do nothing but kiss you.

God he wanted you, he hoped you did too.

“Can I kiss you, Jin?”

“Please do, you’re going to kill me if you don’t.”

“I think I’ll kill you either way, I’m a pretty good kisser.”

His eyes fluttered closed, and then your lips were on his. Unlike you had imagined— because yes, you had been dreaming for this for a while— he tasted like nothing but everything at the same time. Fireworks and bursts of warmth burned in your hearts and the string in your chest seemed to tie with Jin’s. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he gripped your waist, the both of you wanted to get as close as possible. You let go of each other eventually, and could only stare at each other in awe of what you had done. Glancing at his ears, you immediately grinned seeing them completely red and his flushed expression. Not that you were doing any better, the color tint on your lips was smudged and your chest heaved as you tried to catch your breath. It may have been your first kiss but it definitely would not be your last.

You eventually found the book you were looking for in the first place and Jin would help you control your powers until you could blossom flowers and fruits from the dead seeds he brought when he would go back up. It was a team effort and it definitely earned you some kisses whenever you were successful.

Almost six months had passed since your arrival in the Underworld. After Hades was poisoned, he did not show up to the meetings in Olympus, believing that he knew he was not welcome. Nor would he be able to clearly face Demeter, his mother-in-law, and not absolutely go ballistic. The love for his wife had increased one hundred fold since the last time he saw Demeter and any type of insult to how he cared for her daughter would surely set the deadly side of him off.

But many things happened in the mortal realm. Orpheus looked back at his wife just as the two were leaving the Underworld, and he would live in eternal sadness without his other half. The rest of the mortal realm was not faring well either. While the two newlywed Gods were happy, things like famine, drought, and death plagued mortals. Spring had not come, but was replaced with a harsh, cold winter. Diseases and frostbite was common since Demeter had no intention of changing the season until her daughter was back at her side. Since Hades was not the bringer of Death (Thanatos was), his job was maintaining a record of who died, was alive, and where they would spend their rest of their lives in.

The Fields of Punishment for eternal torture or The Fields of Elysium for rebirth?

The paperwork was clogging up as Hades had renounced his duty and was so lost in his love for his wife, that he only tended to his wife’s needs and taught their three-headed dog Cerberus how to fetch a bone of some unfortunate skeleton than anything else. At one point, your Seokjin had even gifted you a garden full of pomegranate trees, the only real plant that could successfully grow in the Underworld, to you as a sign of his love for you. You were overjoyed by the garden but he had warned you about something, but it all fell on deaf ears.

“You’re kidding..Jin!” You gasped, twirling around and noticing all the blossoming flowers and the vibrant colored plants in your garden.

“It’s for you,” Seokjin looked at you lovingly, seeing you so happy and bright made his heart and face glow too, “An entire garden of pomegranates for you. But be careful alright? They have powers that can make you stay here. So don’t eat them or then—”

“Mhmm.”

“You’ll stay here for that many months and I doubt that your mother—”

“Yeah, yeah, enough talk! Oooh, that one looks pretty.”

Seokjin’s face softened at your giddy expression and he couldn’t help but admire you from afar. But as he realized what your true intentions with the fruit were, he became worried.

“Y/N, wait! Don’t—”

Before Seokjin could finish his sentence, there you were, grabbing a pomegranate that split open with a gentle, magical prod by your finger. You took twelve seeds and threw them into your mouth with a smile on your face. Looking towards Seokjin, or at least where he was last, you saw that his eyes flamed with purple. He looked terrified.

Before you could even bite one of them, Jin was kissing you feverishly. His lips molded against yours and before you could blink, the gentle but insistent press of his hand on your waist made you part your mouth. He slipped his tongue past your own lips and while you were too distracted by the passion behind his actions, he had another thing to worry about. Finally when you parted, both of your lips were stained red with pomegranate juice and were breathing heavily.

Still reeling and drunk on his lips, you only barely noticed his frown and furrowed eyebrows. Jin licked his lips and you blinked slowly before wondering what he could possibly be thinking about. On your end, you definitely enjoyed that heated makeout session, and you were pretty sure his urgency was a good sign.

“Fuck, only got six seeds out,” Jin cursed, before looking at your satisfied expression, “You still ate the other six!”

“Uh, what?” You said lethargically, holding on to Jin’s arms to balance yourself.

“I tried to warn you that pomegranate seeds are dangerous, Y/N! If you had eaten all twelve of the seeds, you would have stayed in the Underworld for all twelve of the months in the year.”

Jin cupped your cheek and sighed, “I tried to kiss you to take them out but I only ate six so you still ate the other six. Now you’ll have to stay with me for half the year.”

“What? That doesn’t sound bad at all! I’m not regretting that kiss because, wow Jin you really know how to kiss someone, but I feel like I should have eaten all of them. What’s so wrong with being bound to you for all eternity?”

Everything, Jin wanted to say. But he could not get his lips to move for the breathless expression you had was too alluring. He stroked your cheek and wished that he could stay by your side but he knew that would not be good. While his ghost servants, Thanatos, and surely all the other Gods in Olympus believed that Seokjin had completely forgotten about his duties, he had not. He was too swept up with the thought of you to do anything about it but he knew that the mortal world was failing.

“It might be safer.”

“Bullshit! I would be much safer, here, with you.”

“I’m the God of the Dead, I doubt your mother wants a son-in-law like me.”

“And? She’s not married to you.”

“My kingdom, it stinks of death. You’ve lived all your life with the beauty of life, are you sure?”

“More than sure, my King. This kingdom is also mine.” You smirked, putting your hands on your hips, waiting for the next thing you would defend.

“The deaths that our love has caused? I’m sure Thanatos has slipped that by now.”

“He has! But what happens to mortals is not our fault, that’s someone else’s fault.”

He knew that. But he also knew that while he was in that poisoned, dying state, you had prayed to Apollo for help. Jin cursed himself for not being stronger so that you would not be indebted to the Hoseok, but he could not change the past. In his own time, Jin had asked Apollo for what you would have to do, and the answer made him scared beyond belief.

“She must go back home, that is her duty.”

“Home? Hoseok..”

“You and I both know that Demeter is mourning for Persephone. Without her daughter, she has put an eternal blanket of winter on the mortal lands. Even Hestia’s hearth in Olympus flickers away at times.”

“She won’t leave, Y/N will be suspicious of my intentions. She’s not some dumb deity that is oblivious to everything around her, she will ask why I am making her do this. I cannot do this.”

“Then lie to her. Tell Persephone that Demeter asks for her or that the mortal world is falling. Or better yet, betray her—”

“I cannot— no, I..I can’t.”

“Please, for the sake of Demeter and the sake of all mortals, force her back. If you must trick her into thinking you don’t..care for her— do it. Even Namjoon has tried convincing Demeter, she won’t budge.”

It was heartbreaking for him to know that Seokjin would have to hurt you like that. But he couldn’t allow himself to go against your duty and responsibility as the bringer of Spring and life. Your mother would not budge without seeing you, it was stated by the Fates too. Maybe if he betrayed you, then you would be safer and wouldn’t be with such a wretched god like himself.

Who was he kidding?

The God of the Dead with the Goddess of Life? It seemed like a cruel joke, especially because of how much he adored you.

Not wanting to worry you, Seokjin kissed your forehead and smiled as best he could. He realized that this might be the last time he could be honest with you, and so took off his black feather necklace and placed it on your neck. You grinned and pecked him on the lips.

“Maybe you’re right, Y/N.”

The Underworld had only one connection to the living world and that was by a boat ride on the River Styx with the reaper of souls. Unless you could play music, then you might be able to charm your way through like Orpheus, but even that was unlikely. In that sense, there are a few ways to get to the underworld but for a normal person, it was impossible.

But you were far from normal.

You were the Queen of the Underworld, Persephone or Y/N, alongside your king, Hades or Seokjin. It was nice having a title to yourself and not Kore, which was just ‘maiden’. It was yours and you loved it.

You couldn’t feel the sunshine on your face, the dewy breeze of a spring morning, the crisp droplets from a rainy night, nor anything else that you usually felt. Only the emptiness from the souls that were reaped, dying to be put back into the world above. But even that beautiful to you, the beauty of death often allured you. The dead stayed dead but even some of them were happy to leave their suffering above.

You wondered why your Jin had taken you for a walk around his palace, he hadn’t spoken a word to you the entire time either. Thinking it was just him being a little distant, you didn’t find anything weird. Seokjin wasn’t the most extroverted so instead of getting caught up with what his silence may have meant, you instead thought about the events that had happened in the last few months. Things had moved so fast, almost as if to compensate for your still life with your mother.

Originally, you had felt that she had done nothing but kept you inside like a prisoner but now you could clearly see why. The way Jin treated you was the biggest indication but you’ve realized your self-worth. You matter to both the mortal world and the Underworld, you’re a powerful Goddess, and you feel lucky that your first love was such a sweet, kind man. Mom wasn’t trying to force you into solitude, but she never trusted any of the Gods in Olympus and that’s why you didn’t even live up there anymore. It wasn’t like she forced you to stay home but the restrictions and ‘protection’ she gave was stifling.

You missed her so much. You missed the sunshine and you missed picking flowers and making flower crowns. You missed feeling the grass underneath your feet and how the Spring would hug your body.

You closed your eyes while taking a large breath in before opening them and smiling, anyone looking at you would have wondered in curiosity or more so horror. Who would smile in the Underworld?

You.

You would, for multiple reasons but mostly because it was more of a home that any place you had lived before. You looked at your bare feet and the black rocks beneath it. They were sharp unlike the grass above, but there was no pain due to the increase in your powers. Having always walked through fields and meadows, you were used to walking without any protection on your feet— though scorned and scolded by your mother.

“Jin, where are you taking me?” You asked at last, giggling a little but your patience running thin.

Seokjin did not answer nor did he move his head in your direction. He kept walking with longer strides, heading to the River Lethe. You had hated that river, a river to make those who touched it forget their memory. You had always expressed your disgust with the concept but Jin usually just laughed at the thought.

“You are the Queen of the Underworld, love.” He said, with a slight smirk on his face.

Jin cradled your chin and looked into your (E/C) eyes with a softness the other gods would’ve laughed and mocked. The god of the Underworld, your Hades, was happy and smiling with such adoration at your face that your cheeks started to heat up. You were a goddess but that didn’t prevent your heart from twisting when he said such sweet words.

He closed his eyes and touched your foreheads together, saying, “You shouldn’t be afraid of it, not when it’s yours.”

You smiled, closing your eyes and reaching out to hold his face in your hands. You weren’t afraid. As long as Jin was there with you.

You remembered the moments that you shared, when you’d be paranoid about your identity and your husband would reassure you that you did have a place in his— our world— he would say. That you were in the right place. A lot of things had happened in the past six months. But none of that could have prepared you for your husband’s next words.

“..You need to leave.”

“What? Seokjin, this isn’t the time to make jokes.”

“I’m serious, leave.”

Your heart pounded in your chest, you felt dizzy, as if the entire world was spinning. You couldn’t breathe for a moment, and then you took a shaky breath in before shaking your head in dismay, smiling to try and fight the large tears in your eyes.

But he continued, “This..isn’t right, your mother was right. We can’t be together.”

Your mother had warned you to not fall for such a man. Yet you had, for a man that you believed loved you back— no he loved you. A few tears rolled down your cheeks and you hurried to brush them away. You walked slowly towards your husband, your bare feet scraping against the dark rocks and your fern green dress trailed behind you.

You held out your hands in a comforting manner, trying to hold your beloved in your arms. In an instant, he shoved them away with his hand, his knuckles scraping against your arms. You winced but held your ground. “What are you saying? My mother was..right? Right about what?”

Jin’s resolve could have broken right there, but he stayed true to what he was told to do. He had to do this quick, or the tears in his eyes would fall and there would be no way to send you away. It hurt every fibre in his body to know that you were hurting because of him.

You looked up to try and find some sort of sign in Jin’s eyes, only to be met with dark purple ones— the very same that burned Orpheus only a few months ago. They looked empty yet were surrounded by that fire you hated.

“She told me this would never work out. And then poisoned me.”

You shook your head again, chuckling softly to yourself, trying to convince that this wasn’t true. You tried to speak confidently, but your voice started to shake after seeing his entire form move away from you.

“Do you truly think I’m so stupid to believe that lie? My mother may be overprotective of me and may have said this wouldn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you should listen to her! And she would never hurt a God.”

At your words, Seokjin gets uncharacteristically angry at you, “She almost killed me and you defend her? Before me? When I have protected you—”

“Protected me from what?! Orpheus?! I am a Goddess, I do not need your protection!”

“You don’t need my protection?! Then leave! Stay with that mother of yours, even though we both know I’ve shown you more care than she ever will.”

He stated, turning his back to you and chucking the gold ring into the River Lethe. His ashy gray coat that covered his shoulders fell to the ground, at the feet of his dark robes. He didn’t even flinch, a tell-tale sign of him teasing or lying to you.

He wanted to forget you.

“Please,” You reasoned, “don’t send me away for such a stupid argument.”

“You’re right, I won’t be. You’ll leave on your own because you don’t belong here.”

Only then did you break into full sobs, you fell to the ground, clutching your heart in pain. This wet anger made you curse the Fates. Why did you have to be so weak in front of him?

You couldn’t believe it, the one man you had ever loved, threw you away. As if all the kind words, light kisses, and soft touches were worthless. He had lavished you with affection, even in front of disapproving others. From the day he unknowingly rescued you from a hell to now, he had always looked at you like you were his world.

You hadn’t said a word the night you had left with him, too much in shock with your future. But you couldn’t bare to let yourself ask him to take you back.

Anywhere was better than up there.

You had foolishly thought. And during that time you stayed with him. Fell in love. Thinking you would finally get a happy ending, one where the love of your life loved you back.

“Goodbye,” He stated, without looking back at you. All you could see was his tall figure in front of you before you disappeared. He was standing in front of your home. Or what you thought was. But home is where the heart is.

And yours was shattered.

He snapped his fingers and you were gone in a puff of dark black smoke. The feather on the black necklace that he once wore so diligently close to his chest, vanished with you. There was silence in his world for a few moments, after long months of happiness and joy. The flames in his eyes faded, for how could he be angry?

He had just screamed at the one he loved most.

“..Y/N.”

You didn’t see the tears that fell from his eyes without stopping, wetting his cheeks and the ground in front of him. You didn’t see how his shoulders shook with the thought of your absence. You didn’t see him scramble from his hunched position to the River Lethe. You didn’t see him dive in to try and find his ring and realize that it vanished. His legs started to burn from the river’s powers but he stayed in it, thinking that this was nothing to what he deserved. The green cloth ring that you had once put for him, kissing his hand and saying your vows with a happy voice, was still on his finger.

“I’ll stay with you, Seokjin, as long as you want me to. For you are my friend, my companion, and my truest love. I trust you.”

You didn’t see how broken he was when he came back to the palace only to collapse in front of your shared bed and scream until his throat went dry. You didn’t see that his heart was shattered too.

It wasn’t long until you made it back to the meadow, a small walk away from your mother’s palace in the mortal realm. It was dark, and you felt no sun on you. It was a different type of dark, rather than being ominous and mysterious, it held a type of serenity you weren’t ready for. But looking around, you felt empty.

The meadow was covered with some sort of cold, white fluff (snow, you would later find out) that pinched your toes. The once vibrant meadow, filled with plants of different colors and sizes, no longer welcomed you. The soft grass between your toes was now frozen ground and had grown into a long grass that reached your chest.

The world around you was imprisoned in a deafening silence, nothing was awake, nothing sang. The nightingales and woodpeckers were silent, there was nothing. It felt like the world above had stopped living the moment you left. Gashing winds had stripped the once bright green leaves from the trees, leaving them vulnerable and groaning from the cold.

You had never seen such coldness, felt such coldness.

Where am I?

The dark green dress you wore held up well, while the Underworld did not have as the biting cold as you experienced now, it was too similar for you to believe that you had really left there.

The stars twinkled sadly, as if crying out for someone. The moon waned brilliantly and yet everything felt dull. While this world seemed beautiful when you first entered, even though goosebumps had erupted on your limbs, it felt colder than you think it should have. The loneliness you felt was something you had never felt before, nor did you want to. The trees moved as if mourning and you felt like it was your death they were mourning.

Was this why people were dying..?

“..Kore?”

You turned around. Squinting to see the far-away figure, you realized it was your mother with her (H/C) hair in long locks, tumbling down her back— an unusual sight as she hated keeping her hair down— but she was hesitant to come to your side. She was looking at you differently, like she used to when you were a child. Not like how she pretended to when you got older but different. Better.

Like a mother should.

“Mom..” You whispered, but she heard it.

A flowing stream of tears started down Demeter’s face, and she made no move to wipe them away. Demeter held a hand out to her daughter, silently calling out to her. You slowly walked through the field to your mother’s side until finally putting her chin on her mother’s outstretched arm. As you saw your mother’s happy expression, you started to shakily smile and a few of her own tears started to drip down your cheek. Demeter stroked her daughter’s cheek and kissed your forehead in joy.

The mother and daughter were finally reunited.

Quickly after you reunited with your mother, she interlocked your hand and led you back to the palace. Your home. But even saying that had a sour taste in your mouth, because all you could remember was the dark walls and soft smiles of your husband. The walls of your room were just as blindingly white and clean and smooth as you remembered it. But, you remembered what you used to think in the Underworld. As much as you had loved it and the people who came with it, it wasn’t what you were used to. You loved the mortal realm much, much more, and finally seeing the lush vegetation wherever you walked, the pretty flowers sprinkled here and there, the ponds of clear water, and the countless species of animals was both a shock and a blessing.

A few days after you arrived, the winter and snow that had swept through the mortal realm was finally vanquished. Your mother held your hand and simply waved her hand, causing Spring to come back to the world. She was glowing, much more than before you left. You wanted to both strangle her and hug her.

You even asked her about the poisoned dagger and she confirmed what he had said, she did poison him. It made your stomach squeeze and feeling uncharacteristically angry and snappy, you conveyed your concerns to your mother, but she didn’t brush it off like you had feared.

“Mom, I won’t get mad if you tell me the truth.” You sighed out one night.

Demeter raised her eyebrows and laughed merrily, “Oh? This is new Kore, usually I would say that when you were younger!”

Your throat was feeling dry and scratchy but you pressed, “Heh, right, um. Did you.. poison him?”

“Don’t speak of that monster! I—”

“Whether you did or not, please answer me.”

Demeter looked at her only daughter. Her wonderfully talented, intelligent, witty, and beautiful daughter. She couldn’t imagine the emotional manipulation that she went through in the Underworld. Demeter wanted her daughter back and she was afraid of how you changed. That time when you were gone was over.

“Please, Mom.”

Your eyes pleaded and shined in the moonlight and even Demeter couldn’t hold back, “I didn’t have a choice. Even Zeus approved of it, but you have to realize that you were gone.” She poked your chest with your finger and you felt small, like a mouse in the presence of a hawk.

“I didn’t even know where you were and to learn that, the God of the Underworld had taken you..It wasn’t okay and I’m glad that you’re back. That’s all that matters now, don’t worry about it, okay? You’re safe.”

Demeter combed through your hair and smiled at you but her eyes didn’t crinkle up like usual and you knew that she wanted this conversation to be over. But you’d test her limits.

You continued, “But it could’ve killed him, Mom.”

“And?!”

Demeter didn’t miss the flinch at the raise of her tone and she instantly regretted her actions. She didn’t want to be like her siblings, loveless of their children and so enraptured by mortals. But at the same time, she wanted to protect you. Why couldn’t you see that she didn’t want someone like the God of the Dead, an emotional manipulator and kidnapper, to be any of your concern. It tore her heart in two.

“You are the most important part in my life, I used to only live for you. Obviously, that doesn’t mean your life should revolve around me but you were kidnapped!”

“It was Namjoon’s fault though, he told him that we wanted this.”

“You’re right, Zeus is just as punishable for this crime. But if he wanted your hand so much he could have easily come to us formally. Where was the need to capture you like that? None.”

But that wasn’t it either. Sure, you were upset that Seokjin had taken you away. Sure, that seemed logical from your mother’s perspective, realistic. But that’s not what happened. Namjoon was a drunk idiot and had told Seokjin a lie which caused all of this. But even with that figured out, you were still angry that you didn’t see the color black more often or you didn’t have a library full of books to read, or someone that would keep your head in their lap as you slept.

You missed him the most, and that’s why it hurt the most.

No, you repeat to yourself, You aren’t going to be caught down by someone you’ve only known for a few months. You’re better than this, Y/N.

So you busy yourself with other things that need your attention, like the new plants that are popping up in villages. It helps with the loneliness that seems to have taken you captive, even though your mother smothers you with affection. She wanted to celebrate the way you’ve finally come back to her, from that monster.

The new plants seem to have medicinal properties and you keep record of them in a small journal. In the same journal, you’ve been writing down your feelings as a way to cope with the environment changes. You’ve been liking the cool shade and swift breezes that come rather than the blinding sun that you were so used to. You often nestle between a few apricot trees, and would stare blankly at the fruit. It was so close to pomegranates but entirely different. The red color hurt and even the nymphs could see it, often asking you to pluck flowers with them far, far away.

Jimin visits you and the two of you spend an entire day in each other’s company. He talks about how he wasn’t able to visit you in the Underworld and missed you. You find comfort in his words and you confess that you miss Seokjin. Terribly. He’s the only person you have that won’t go to your mother and snitch on you.

“It hurts, Jimin. But I am afraid that you.. will not like what I have to say.”

“What does, Y/N? Don’t be afraid.”

“My heart..it misses him so much.”

Jimin had furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, he couldn’t understand why you would miss such a horrible God. He tried to comfort you about the matter, but it was stiff and rehearsed. When you had cried yourself to sleep that night, Jimin had quietly snuck out of your door only to see Demeter wiping her tears. Your mother had heard your pleas and she broke.

Why did you have to love such a disgusting monster?

Six months have passed and the world has been recovering. You don’t forget the black feather necklace on your neck and almost daily, you rub it to make sure it’s still with you. Your mother had asked what it was and Jimin had saved you before you could stutter out a response, saying he gifted it as nostalgia for being nicknamed pretty bird. Even the rings you had were considered a gift from other gods.

Demeter had looked at you in fear but hid her emotions well enough with a smile that you thought she wouldn’t ask again. She didn’t.

Seokjin couldn’t bear it anymore. Ever since you had left, his heart was heavy with the fact that he had pushed you away. Not even telling you anything and you just had to go.

Thanatos could see that his friend was drowning himself in his work, checking and double checking who were coming into the Underworld. Even Cerberus was ignoring Hades in fear of making him angrier. The dead souls rarely would see their king and while that usually did not worry many, those in Elysium were confused. Sometimes the two of you would visit their houses and get togethers, and even then they could make out his lovestruck expression whenever you talked. He looked at you like you were the moon, made of wonder and beauty, and had painted the stars in his world with small kisses.

Thanatos has gotten angry at Seokjin and forced him out of the palace, locking his office to be extra sure. Walking around aimlessly, everything in the palace reminded him of you. When you would walk next to him and talk about the most useless topics, it was the first time he noticed the sharp rocks on the floor. Instead of creating shoes or anything that a logical  God would’ve done, he offered to let you get on his back while you walked. At your shocked expression, he was sure he embarrassed himself more than he thought was possible. But you quickly grinned and jumped onto his back while he held on tight to your legs to keep you steady.

At the memory, Seokjin smiled bitterly and scoffed at the tears that escaped. He wished he was stronger. You were probably going through something a hundred times worse, the love of your life just randomly banishing you must have hurt.

It was to protect her.

Either way, it made him curse out the Fates for even allowing him to meet you once. It wasn’t fair, for either of you. He even cursed his brother Namjoon, he would never listen to his brother again. It wasn’t fair.

The pomegranate trees in front of him made him stop. He wanted to break down in tears and throw his life away for what he had done to you. The brightest red fruit was on the lowest branch, but it was open. With twelve seeds missing, Seokjin shook with fear.

Six months was almost up.

You walked through the meadow, somehow leaving the safety of the nymphs that followed you on Demeter’s request, and brushing through the flowers. You twirled around, feeling free for once. Not in a palace, under someone’s watchful eye or endearing gaze. You loved both of them dearly, but it was hard for Kore, the Goddess of flora, and fauna to be expected to stay in the same place. You felt lost everywhere but here, with nature, was where you felt at peace. There was some substance in what your mother said. Nonetheless, your duty as Persephone, Goddess and Queen of the Underworld, stayed the same. You would have to leave soon, but that made your stomach twist and turn.

While preoccupied with your thoughts, you failed to notice the grass parting behind you. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw something long shoot through the field. You froze, knowing that it was too late to move and your body felt on edge, the feather on your neck started to heat up and become uncomfortable. Another quick movement and—

THUD!

Something grabbed your arms and the intense motion made your eyes squeeze shut. You were shaking, and spots danced behind your eyes. It took you a few moments to realize who had grabbed you, and now shielded, sporting an all-too familiar clothing color palette.

“..Jin,” You whispered breathlessly, “You’re here.”

Worlds away from each other, lifetimes away, or in different versions of reality, Seokjin heard your words as if it burned in his mind, clear as day, your presence bringing him back to life. You could only stare at him as he stroked your cheek, probably because there was some dirt on it because you had fallen asleep on the crumbling soil before walking around.

“I ask you to go away,” He starts calmly, looking at your dumbstruck expression  “And you actually left, huh?”

Your growing smile for him saving you quickly falls and you roll your eyes with a hard frown on your lips. You push him away in annoyance and hurt, and walk away from him with your arms crossed. You tried to tamp down your irritation but you were fed up with Gods trying to take your life and just throw it around.

“Why,” You asked, seething with anger, “did you come here?”

You didn’t even turn around but with the way your fists were clenched, Seokjin knew that you were not feeling happy about his presence. Better than utter despair that he had thought of, you hitting and being angry at him was infinitely times better than you being sad.

“That snake wasn’t any ordinary one. I..” Seokjin said slowly, looking back at the dead reptile, “I was cursed by a God once that I wouldn’t be able to protect someone I loved from one of my own. And well, snakes are my sacred animal so..”

“So you think that I needed your protection again?”

Seokjin felt at odds with your response. Of course you could protect yourself, it was just his wish that you didn’t have to. That he could do so instead. He knew you were smarter than you let on, you knew exactly why he had sent you away and were angry why he couldn’t have just communicated it.

“I’m sorry,” He relented, putting a hand on your shoulder before you brush it off, “I was rude and disrespectful. You didn’t deserve that. I thought that you would leave and I was scared what would happen if you didn’t. The mortal world was dying—”

“So? I would’ve come up if you had just told me! It’s really not that hard,” You finally faced him, “especially when you’re supposed to be trying to be everything that my mother thinks you are, you shouldn’t have shouted.”

“Well.. you shouted too.”

“Yeah, to make sure I was heard over your voice!”

“I just wanted to protect you.”

Of course he was. Even when you had snapped at him, he was protecting you. Seokjin had promised you that he always would take care of you, and here he was, doing just that. The more you thought about the day you were forced to leave, you realized that Seokjin had tears in his eyes.

“I know but, there’s better ways to do it.”

Seokjin’s voice wavered with sadness, “I hope that you can forgive me for the stupid things I said. I promise I’ll work harder to show you that I deserve to be your partner and that I can take care of you.”

He was scared, afraid of your reaction and how you might refuse him outright. A figure in the distance, behind Jin, captures your attention and you’re thinking of them while Jin continues.

“I wanted to make your garden a little prettier,” He admitted, his thumb stroking your finger were both the golden ring and your makeshift cloth one was tied together, “I added flowers and different fruits that reminded me of your aura. But much of them are made of jewels since, well, you know, you can’t have live plants in the Underworld.”

“Mhmm, yeah.”

“And that ring I tossed into the River Lethe,” Your ears naturally perked up at the river’s mention, “was my ring and I found it just as soon as you left. I would never mean those things I said and I’m sorry you had to hear them.”

“Right, well,” Your eyes shined with excitement and giddy, “My mother is coming, so you better be able to convince her.” You quickly removed your hand from his before your mother burst in.

Oh shit.

“So you’re saying,” Demeter’s eyes burned into Seokjin and he could feel his mind turning to shreds at her words, “ you want my daughter to go back with you into that wretched palace?! She won’t return as long as I’m her mother and she has no obligation to leave. Kore will stay here.”

“Persephone is the Queen of the Underworld,” Seokjin looked at you tenderly, “it’s her duty now.”

You cringed at his wording, that was not the way to convince your mother. If anything, talking about duty would bring up the fact that she’s the Goddess of vegetation in the mortal realm. And mentioning her other name? Total loss.

“Do not defy my Hades. She will not leave my realm.”

You butted in, “I ate the pomegranate seeds, Mother.”

“You— what?” Her fiery anger dissipated into a tame flame, and her eyes glistened with unshed tears, “No, no. You,” She pointed straight to Seokjin, “You did this, didn’t you? Tricked her into eating the flirt of the Underworld to where she must leave me, her own mother for you? A lying cheat and disgusting, dishonorable coward!”

“I am no coward. I warned her and she said she wanted to,” He interlocked your hands and it made Demeter angrier, “She won’t be away for long. Only half of the year.”

“Half of the year?!” She moved towards Seokjin at a pace that even made him panic, “If you want my daughter’s hand, then propose to her properly. If she accepts, fine. She’s her own person and she had the right to choose her partner. But if she doesn’t, I will make sure your life is living hell.”

Kinda already is, Seokjin wanted to sarcastically comment but kept his mouth shut. But he reasoned that this was the best he was going to get. He turned to you and saw your wide smile and twinkling eyes. To him, you were the only person he needed. If he must, he would scourge the four realms and more to find you and even just hold your hand. With you, he had nothing to worry about.

So the two of you got “engaged” and you reapplied rings (different ones because your mother wanted you to have only the best) at the very place your mother met Seokjin. He summoned the most beautiful of jewels to make the rings and many other riches when he saw how Demeter’s eyes bulged and gravitated towards the power. She was warming up to him alright.

The night before you would leave, you held a celebration— the wedding— in a small gazebo that your friend Chan, or Hephaestus, happily built for you. He started crying in the middle of building it because his own partner, Yoongi or Aphrodite, seemed to have no interest in doing the same— but another story for another time!

Celebrating with your nymphs and other Olympian Gods and Goddesses that you had befriended long ago, it was a magical experience. You saw Jungkook, or Hera, and his husband Namjoon, or Zeus, arguing animatedly in the gazebo that you had proclaimed your love for each other earlier in the evening, something about how Namjoon never made any romantic gestures for him. In another place you saw Yoongi and Hoseok, or Apollo, sharing drinks with each other while Jimin, or Hermes, was flying around trying to meet everyone. Even Seokjin, basically the God of Shyness, was smiling and accepting praise from Irene, Wheein, and Taehyung, or Ares, Athena, and Hebe respectively.

You casually walked around, the rich purple wedding gown that you wore dragged through the grass but stayed dried, magical powers were always nice. Talking with some people, drinking and eating with others, it was wonderful. At the end of the night, Demeter came up to the two of you with flower crowns, and all the Gods watched with curiosity, except you and your mother of you knew what was to come next. The crowns were beautiful and matched your auras perfectly. One made with pink lilies, purple lavender, and white baby breath, while the other was made of cress, ferns, black and purple roses. The lighter one was for you and the darker for Seokjin.

“It’s tradition,” Demeter’s voice wavered with sadness and her hands trembled as she continued, “When a nymph is married and leaves my care, she is given a crown to remind her roots and to be happy in her new life.”

Demeter turned to you, the tears in her eyes finally came pouring out and she tried her best to allow this day to be a happy day. You looked ethereal in your dress and your expression made everything she had sacrificed worth it. Cupping your cheeks, she lovingly gazed at you and put your heads together. Your own tears were coming down and you held back a sob.

“Be powerful and strong, my Kore. If anything happens, I will always be waiting here for you and you can come back, alright? It is your duty in the next six months to take care of the Underworld, rule it with a wise mind and even sharper mouth. Many will test you but prove them wrong. Your husband’s duty is to take care of you, you are equals in love. Never forget my teachings and that I have and will always love you.”

You kneeled down to your mother and touched her feet in a sign of respect, and she crowned you with all the flowers you loved most. Standing up, you saw Demeter’s eyes stare at your husband. She looked neither happy nor angry, and everyone in the room held their breath.

“It is your duty,” She started as she firmly grasped the other crown, “to protect and take care of my daughter. She rules beside you as equals and you must treat her as such. When you are troubled, find peace in the fact that she can calm the ground we walk on from rumbling, a panther from pouncing, and my very nature. After seeing your love and hearing about it from Kore, I trust you and bless you to be a good King for the Underworld and a better husband to your Queen. You are part of my family now, Hades.”

Demeter looked pleased at how her heartwarming words touched Seokjin and made him weep as well. Maybe it was her own power, because all the deities present were desperately wiping their tears so others couldn’t see. Even Jimin, both known to be lighthearted and not as sentimental, had burst into tears when he saw his best friend crying and getting crowned while Taehyung tried to soothe him.

Seokjin kneeled and did the same as you when Demeter crowned him. Seokjin mouthed a ‘thank you’ to his mother-in-law and held out his hand for you to grab. You smiled and interlocked your fingers together before looking at your mother and then the rest of your guests.

“All hail, Persephone and Hades,” Your mother continued, “The Gods and rulers of the Underworld!”

The other gods and deities, and even nature itself seemed to bow down. But the two of you were so immersed in each other, that you only waved goodbye before Jin kissed you and the ground broke beneath you and went home.

© 2021 by cherryyjjk ;; all writings and other content on this blog are my intellectual property. you may not reuse, reprint, translate, repost, steal, or any other type of stealing of my works.

[capsandclauses]

REVIEW: Skyward by Brandon Sanderson

Ok.

So I, after procrastinating on this book for a reaaaallly long time, had a sudden urge to read it yesterday.

And it did not disappoint!

So this book basically follows Spensa who, for her entire life has been treated pretty awfully because her father was labelled as a ‘coward.’ In this fictional society, being a coward is the worst insult to you and your family and Spensa has been prevented from doing many things as a result. And so, when she applies for the prestigious cadet program, she faces a lot of resistance.

Let’s talk about the characters:

This book is basically a burgeoning found family. Due to her circumstances, Spensa hasn’t really been able to bond with her crewmates as well as she might have, but they definitely form their own group regardless. I felt that the characters were each unique enough that even though the page count was pretty thinly distributed between them, I cared for each one of them.

Notably throughout the book we become familiar with:

Cobb, Callsign ‘Mongrel’: Cobb is the instructor of the cadets and ex-wingmate of Spensa’s father. I really like the attitude that he took toward his students, actively contradicting the beliefs of the society they live in to prioritise their own safety and livelihood. Over the course of the book, he almost became the exasperated, protective substitute father giving Spensa the little pushes she needs towards the future and answers she desires.

“I feel like a munitions man, reloading artillery. I stuff you into the chamber, fire you into the sky, then grab another shell“

Bim: Bim is one of Spensa’s fellow cadets. He is very vibrant and is certainly overreager to get his hands on the weapons systems of the jets. He also can never make up his mind on a bloody callsign.

Magna, Callsign ‘Morningtide’: Morningtide is a very quiet, aloof character. She really has the least of an impression among the crewmates, but serves as a commentary on English speakers assumption that everyone will know our language, which was thought-provoking.

Nedd, Callsign ‘Nedder’: Nedd is one of the richer members of the cadets and bestfriends with Arturo and Jorgen. He is extremely easygoing and a mediator of the group. Although he acts dumb, Spensa makes the observation that he is actually extremely perceptive and just plays himself down.

Hudiya, Callsign ‘Hurl’: Hurl is an extremely, headstrong and competitive cadet. She sees life, and her prospective military career, as a game. To me, Hurl felt quite realistic because she did not necessarily handle conflict in a likeable way. She could become quiet, or brash in ways that did not benefit Spensa.

Arturo, Callsign ‘Amphisbaena’ or ‘Amphi’: Arturo is a rich, initially arrogant cadet member. He is inquisitive and often becomes an intellectual resounding board for Spensa, questioning the tactics and methods of the flight. I particularily liked his subplot, dealing with the fear of death and cowardice against his desire to help his team.

Freyja, Callsign ‘FM’: FM is a very outgoing cadet who, like Spensa, is unafraid to speak her mind. She is almost the stereotypical activist, constantly critising and putting herself above their society.

Jorgen, Callsign ‘Jerkface’: Jorgen is exactly his callsign, a jerkface, but by the end of the book he’s a loveable jerkface. He is prudish, stuckup and so eager to win respect that he can come across quite mean. He constantly conflicts with Spensa in often hilarious ways, but grows to become an active and equal member of the team.

Rodge, Callsign ‘Rig’: Rig is the bestfriend of Spensa and he’s kind of a genius. He takes the pilot test and gets a higher score than anyone else. Looks at M-Bot and can figure out how he works. And he builds his confidence from veing very self-conscious over the course of the book. Honestly, I wish he had more of a role. For someone who is supposed to be the Main Character’s bestfriend, he was very blink-and-you’ll-miss-him. IDK. That’s just my thoughts.

And then there’s Spensa, Callsign ‘Spin’: Spensa is not a likeable main character – she isn’t supposed to be. She makes long, crazy monologues and lives in a fictional reality where everything is going to go her way. She lashes at at the people and systems built against her. But despite this and the barriers she has against her, as a reader I wanted her to achieve. And in a way, I liked this unlikeable character so much because I knew her. I saw her everyday in the people around me, in the mirror. She wasn’t likeable, because she was real.

And that’s the skill of Sanderson, his characters feel real.

There’s also M-BOT, the talking ship who is the sarcastic, mocking funny relief of the book, constantly interrupting Spensa’s thoughts with her own commentary.

One thing I appreciated about this novel was that Sanderson did not pull his punches. Characters died. Characters went through s***. And that increased my desire to read more. I could not draw myself from the pages because I knew that there was no guarantee of a happily-ever-after, no guarantee of my favorite characters being OK.

The world was a little confusing, but brimming with details and atmosphere. Spensa’s dreams didn’t stop or change the society: it kept moving without her. I lived in Spensa’s story.

And I can’t wait to see where she goes next.

[sigyn-obsessed]

Reunion

The town was quiet. It was something Sigyn loved about it. People lightly talked in the market, negotiating prices. The shutters brushed against the windows as the breeze blew gently. It was warm out, the sun blazing down, warming them all. The grass swaying, tickling your bare feet.

She truly enjoyed the town. It was the fresh start she needed. When she was young, people would give her the look of pity that said, ‘I’m so sorry your mother left. So tragic.’ The glares some of the soldiers would give her when mention of her father was brought up. The people who believed she was some poor, fragile little girl who never had a constant in her life. It wasn’t what Sigyn wanted anymore.

It didn’t help that the place she grew up in no longer existed anymore, thanks to the All-Father’s estranged daughter. Sigyn couldn’t say she was particularly upset when she found out. It hadn’t been her home in a long time. She was just glad everyone was okay, and offered her healing services if they ever needed it. Sigyn wondered if her mother got out, but the care disappeared when she thought of her mother’s last words to her.

“I hope you burn in Hel for what you did.” Sigyn hadn’t taken the comment personally for a very long time. She knew her mother would be there too, so they could argue then. Right now, she had better things to worry about.

She sat cross legged, the light green floral dress balled up near her ankles. Her long curly blonde hair was pulled back in a bun, keeping it out of her way as she cheered on her boys.

Hey boys. Her sons. The two best things that ever happened to her. They were almost five, which struck her. Had it been five years already? Some days it felt like a hundred years, other days it felt like yesterday. They hadn’t been in Vanaheim too long, but it was enough to have it feel like a home. If they were in Asgard she very much wouldn’t feel like this.

“Mama look what I found.” Yelled Narvi, his blonde curls stuck to his forehead. His small hands cupped a baby snake, casually slithering around his hand. Vali, his younger brother and twin, was staring with stars in his eyes at the little creature. It was likely a garter snake, they appeared quite frequently. They weren’t dangerous, the boys were just curious.

Sigyn snapped out of her thoughts at the little boys pushing the animal near her face.

“Wow! He is pretty isn’t he?” She suggested, gently tracing down it’s back. It was a beautiful emerald green, with little black and gold marks. It warmed Sigyn’s heart. It reminded her of good times. Before everything bad happened.

“Mama you aren’t afraid of snakes?” Vali muttered. He had seen his mother shriek at spiders and centipedes in their home. Surely she would be afraid of snakes.

“Actually boys, I really love snakes. I encountered some pretty cool snakes in my time.” Sigyn gently laid the snake down, watching it slither through the grass as the boys sat next to her, one on each side. Her fingers instinctively ran through their hair, pushing the sweaty strands off their forehead. Vali’s hair was much darker, with a bit of curl. They looked so much like him in their own special ways.

“Mama are you okay?” Whispered Narvi, staring intently at her. She knew they both had magic, and knew they were likely able to tell the changes in hers. She was known as an incantation fetter. Magic was bound to her in everything she did. Her decisions, her relationships, her emotions. She had to keep everything in check.

“I’m okay honey. Just thinking too much. How about we have lunch? I’ll grab some fruit and we’ll bring it outside and eat okay.” The boys excitedly nodded as they rushed towards the back door, barging in. Sigyn took a deep breath, trying to gather herself.

Before she knew it Vali arrived with an old blanket they had on their couch and laid it out while Narvi had grabbed a pitcher of juice. Sigyn came back with some fruit they had thrown together as they all ate together. Everything was silent except for the silent munching. The sun stayed strong, blaring down hard. Sigyn had adjusted them into the shade, knowing the boys overheated easily. They tended to get sunburnt easily as well. She had experimented with many lotions to perfect the salve.

After they had finished, she gently tidied up, the boys going back to their play, exploring the small bushes that lined the back of their house, making sure not to disturb the garden Sigyn spent most of her free time on, when she wasn’t working in the town’s healing ward. The boys attended regular classes, teaching the boys essentials and basic necessities. The boys were extremely intelligent, and were reading and writing on their own already. Their bedroom had a large bookcase that was getting more full everyday. If you asked Vali what he wanted, he would likely say some type of book. Narvi was a bit more adventurous, probably asking for a weapon that was too dangerous for him.

Sigyn didn’t realize that the boys had rushed in, tapping her quickly.

“Mama, someone was outside.” Sigyn's heart dropped. Has someone found them? Sigyn ushered the boys to the living area, telling them to stay there and under no circumstances to leave. She walked outside, peering around at the trees and bushes. The house wasn’t in the town, and was at least a mile away from the closest house. Sigyn felt her hands radiating, magic flowing, tensing just in case she saw something and needed to react. It wasn’t bad that she had a dagger as well to summon. Her breathing hitched, wincing when she turned a corner, ready for something to be there.

She saw a figure, their back turned to her. They were dressed in simple clothes, dark pants and a tunic with tall boots. She was afraid to stride closer, in worry that she would surprise them and they would react as a threat.

“Who are you?” She questioned, her dagger summoned, gripped in her hand until her knuckles were white. She was breathing fast, her mind worrying that someone she had previously wronged may have found her. She hadn’t wronged many, but they had friends.

They didn't turn around, instead she saw them tense. She drew closer, still wielding her dagger. “I asked a question, now answer; who are you?” She demanded.

The figure began to turn but stopped, instead placing their hands out, to show they weren’t armed. It was a swift movement, but it wasn’t enough for Sigyn. She moved closer, the dagger now held by her side. She was close enough to touch them, but she stopped. The feeling was too familiar.

The dark hair that reached their shoulders, the pale skin on their hands.

“Turn around, slowly.” She demanded, and saw their body begin to move. She was hit with familiarity as she recognized the stranger’s face.

Loki?

She met his eyes first, the light emerald she had always loved. She felt her hands drop, the dagger falling flat into the dirt. Shock coursed through her. He was dead. She knew it. Thanos had snapped his neck five years ago. She remembered the day distinctly.

Three weeks later she found out she was pregnant with the twins.

She swallowed, her throat dry, and her mouth unable to form a word. She didn’t know what to say. What was there to say? So much. Too much.

She saw his eyes follow her form, looking her over. She wondered if he recognized her, since both were still in silence. This wasn’t real. He wasn’t real.

She reached out, clasping his chest, feeling the heartbeat underneath. Her eyes flooded, heating her face as they fell. She felt him move closer before she grasped onto him, tightly hugging him. She felt his arms wrap around, almost desperately, unlike he had ever before. She was holding so tightly, feeling his hand grasped in her golden hair. She didn’t want to pull away, for worry that he would just disappear. He pulled back, looking into the blue that had made him feel safe such a time ago.

Her hands wandered to his face, rubbing the tears from his eyes. It felt like before, when they were young and nothing had happened. Like the trauma, and pain, and tragedy hadn’t hit. She pulled him close again, her hands running through his hair. It was longer than ever before. She was so used to his short hair, and how it slightly used to curl and how he hated it. Sigyn would plead with him to leave it alone. She had always loved his curls.

As they pulled back, his hands found hers, gently stroking them. Both were too in shock to say anything.

“Sigyn?” She heard him whisper. All she could do was nod. They stood alone.

“Is this really happening?” She saw him nod his head. Reason didn’t matter anymore. He was here. After all this time he was here. Was he really here? “Is this a trick? Because I miss you and my emotions are messing with me?”

He brushed the hair out of her eyes before closing the space between them. There was no desperation anymore. It wasn’t hard or brash, it was soft and calm, something she hadn’t felt for some time.

“It’s real Sig. It’s not a trick. I’m here.” Sigyn hadn’t felt this happy for some time. Probably since her sons were born.

“Come in.” She led him towards the doors, ushering him inside, where he sat at the small table in the kitchen. She began fixing him a cup of tea. She walked over, gently rubbing his back, scared to finish the conversation.

“Lo, we need to ta-”

“Mama, is everything okay?” Sigyn paused, looking at the two little boys standing in the doorway, confused at the stranger sitting at the table. Loki looked over, his expression hard to read. Everything stopped.

“Everything is okay babies.” Narvi moved towards her, Vali followed closely behind. They hid behind her, looking over at the strange man. It took Loki a second to process the two little boys. They were small, smaller than the average child their age. How old are they? Their face shape was similar, but one had dark black hair and the other golden blonde. It slightly reminded him of Thor and him as a child, but somehow this felt different. The boys held onto each other, staring wearily at him. Sigyn knelt down to them, gently grasping their shoulders.

“Boys, can you please go into the living room? I’m fine, I promise. I just need a moment.” She saw the boys linger, Vali’s small fingers playing with her dress. She saw Narvi receive the signal, and gently took Vali’s hand, leading him towards the living room through the door. Sigyn felt herself sigh. She had played this moment in her mind so many times, the boys meeting their father. It never went this way. Nothing ever went according to plan for them though.

“Loki, before-”

“Who are they?” Sigyn closed her eyes, trying to calm herself. She took a seat at the chair across from him.

“They’re my sons.” She muttered. She read his face, seeing shock. Before she could say anything else she heard him.

“I guess you have a type.” Sigyn stopped, shocked. He read the confusion on her face.

“Their dark hair, pale skin. I always knew you liked men with dark features.” Sigyn sighed, feeling the pent up magic crawling to the surface.

“I always knew you liked to lie, but I never thought you couldn’t tell when others lied.” There was silence between them. “A few weeks after Thanos, I found out.”

“You moved on fast.” Sigyn couldn’t hide it anymore. He was doing this to anger her, to get a rise out of her.

“Are you serious? Loki, I lost the only person I ever loved, that I ever felt loved by. The man that I married and had planned a future with but no! He had to go after the strongest creature in the world with a puny dagger!” She felt her voice crack. She thought the mourning had ended a long time ago, but it had all been brought back. She wiped her eyes, hoping the boys didn’t hear the yelling. They would be worried. They were protective of her, even though they were so little. She was the only thing they had besides each other. Sigyn read the silence and continued.

“Do you remember when we were first married? We went to the turning of the season festival in the outskirts of Asgard? We talked about having kids when the little boys came up to us and you were so good with them. Do you remember the names you adored?”

There was silence for a second and Sigyn was about to interject when she heard him whisper. “Narvi and Vali. We never came up with a name for a girl because we both believed we would never have one. You always joked that there were too many women in your family for another.”

“Their names are Narvi and Vali. After the names their father chose.” It was quiet when she heard the pieces click together. She turned her head, looking into the living room, noticing the boys on the floor playing with some small blocks her father had made them. When their powers acted up they were freeze-proof so they could never be broken.

She felt his presence behind her, a hand on the low of her back.

“They’re mine?” She felt a cry come out before turning around.

“Of course they’re yours. I found out I was pregnant three weeks after Thanos defeated the Avengers. I came to Vanaheim when I heard my family had relocated here after Asgard’s fall.”

“Do they know-”

“They know who their father is. I’ve told them stories about you to them when they ask. I told them that even though you didn’t know them, you loved them. I told them stories about when we were courting, and that you had done bad things because of a bad man. That they were jotun. They know everything and it never changed anything.” She gently rubbed his cheek. “They love you the same no matter what. They aren’t Thor and you. They are your sons and they deserve to meet their father.” She saw him nod before she walked into the living room, watching the boys play, but it seemed wrong. The way they were playing was almost robotic? Sigyn sighed before muttering how much they were like their father. She quickly walked into the kitchen before taking a deep breath, Loki watching her.

“Boys, I know that you aren’t in the living room. Please show yourself. I’m not going to be mad.” Sigyn felt a shift in magic and looked in the corner to find the two boys crouched, listening in on the conversation. Sigyn sighed as she walked over to the boys.

“I assume you heard what we were talking about.” Muttered Sigyn as she knelt down to their level. The boys nodded as she thought of what to say next, but they beat her to it.

“So papa’s okay?” Sigyn stopped and looked at Vali, shocked he had made the first comment. He was a generally quiet kid, and really only opened up to Narvi and Sigyn. Having Loki just a few feet away made Sigyn think he would be hidden and drawn away.

“Yeah, papa’s okay.” Sigyn brushed the hair out of Vali’s eyes. It was getting almost as long as his father’s.

“So that’s our papa?” Questioned Narvi, looking over at Loki from the corner of his eye. It caught Loki off guard, seeing his eyes on such a small little being. It made him swell with immense pride he didn’t know he had. It made him think of his mother. Sigyn nodded and gestured to Loki to take the reins. The boys moved slowly towards him, and Loki knelt down to look the boys in the eyes. He saw Vali tilt his head a bit.

“You look like me.” Loki smirked, and was almost unsure whether to touch them. He was afraid. Here they were, years later, and he was a stranger to his own children. It made him feel guilty. Truly, he had been searching for Sigyn for years, but the fact that she had been raising two boys alone made his guilt rise.

“You don’t look like me.” Narvi muttered. “Mama says I act like you though.”

Loki laughed. He had remembered his mother made a comment when he was young, warning him that he would be in trouble if he had a child that behaved like him. He was sure it was to encourage him not to misbehave. He felt his mother probably smiling and the fact that there were two made him smirk even more. It took a second for them to approach him, and it was seconds later that he was hugging them, holding onto them tight, never letting them go again. What was stranger though was that the boys were holding on tight, like they had saved it up for him.

“I love you two so much.” He whispered, afraid to let go of them, that they may disappear or be taken away, his hands running through their hair, Narvi’s light blonde and Vali’s pitch black. Looking at them you couldn’t tell they were twins.

“They’ve been saving this for you.” Muttered Sigyn, rubbing his shoulder as he sat the boys on his knee, giving each a kiss on the forehead. Sigyn rubbed Loki’s back as she looked up intently at him.

“I promise you all, I am never leaving again. I promise you three.” He pressed his forehead against Sigyn’s, holding onto them tightly. Nothing would take them away. Not now, not ever. He had fought to see her again. He traveled across the galaxy to look into Sigyn’s comforting eyes, and nothing would take that away. He had two beautiful children whom he had missed out on. He wouldn’t be Odin. Never. He would be there for them through anything. He was going to be not a father, but a dad. Someone who cared for them and looked out for them and played with them.

Loki was a dad, and he had never felt happier.

[brekkiejeon]

Silent Treatment

Author's note: I've been writing many stories about BTS lately and still working on to create my own masterlist. So here is my second Jungkook AU and I hope to write more stories in the future.

✎ Masterlist

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Angst, with a lil bit of fluff

Word Count: 1.8k

Summary: Jungkook gives you his deadly silent treatment and much to your dismay, you were not having it. You tried many ways to persuade him but it was too much to handle as you thought and you’re sick of it already for the past few days.

Jungkook was an expert in a lot of things even to those he had no experience or knowledge from or just possibly anything. You are completely impressed by his power; a black belter, really good at drawing, has an amazing voice and personality and so much more to mention. He is like a magnet that every girl can be attracted to but it left you wondering about how he was the one attracted to you even though you look repelling. If there was something from him you didn't know he was surprisingly great at, ignoring you would be.

You are currently on the third day of your boyfriend's silent treatment and it was excruciating to be in this kind of situation. The reason why Jungkook is giving you this was because you cleaned up his room and threw some of his important stuff away which you didn't even know he still needed it in the first place. In fact, it was your fault for disposing them and you have to apologize though it gave you a hard time to persuade him, seeing that he always works hard and barely has time to discuss because of his hectic schedule.

The sound of the television filled the room, occupying it with the movie's background noises. You divert yourself from this misery you've been enduring for the past 3 days. Another finished movie this time, 2 hours after midnight. You turned off the electronic in front of you and stared at the wall. The pain is already making you numb and insomnia had affected you since yesterday night causing you extreme fatigue. Maybe you were only overthinking? No, you basically aren't. Now is the time to make amends and hope for the best that he'll forgive you even of a tiny chance. You miss him so much.

Meanwhile, you sat up as you heard the door open, wiping your tear-stained face and hastily fixed the bed. Jungkook just got home from work—not his usual time as you anticipated. His footsteps resonated along the hallway of your apartment and his tired, heavy breaths made you think about surviving another long night without him. You can't just force him to accept your apology and sympathize this late at night for who knows it could make the problem worse.

Jungkook went in your shared bedroom and without a doubt, tossed his bags near the table making you wince. He looks at you aggressively as if you've done something peccable and then quietly returned to the living room where he sleeps in as of now.

It breaks your heart seeing him so impassive. The way his vexatious self prompts makes you want to hug him tight and tell him that he is the most wonderful thing that happened to you. But you can't. His angry soul prevails the beast in him and the angel you know apparently has a demon lurking in his shadows.

You gathered up the courage to follow him in the kitchen and watched him in silence. He was making food for himself after a long day at work. Jungkook was an idol, you fully understand that he would always have to sacrifice and to not even complain a single thing. He was persistent.

You inhaled sharply as you approach him. "J-Jungkook."

No response. The kitchen wasn't this hot before but because of the scorching atmosphere that you both are suffering with, it was clear that you needed to take this situation as cool as you can.

"Jungkook?"

Still, no response.

Each step you take felt so heavy until fear slowly overpowers you. After for what seems like ages, he faces you before you can even touch him.

You play with the fabric of your shirt, "I'm sorry, Jungkook." His unwelcoming eyes stare deeply into your soul unlike the ones you always see. You can't lock your orbs with this cold-blooded human in front of you and within seconds you just wanted to cry. When will this be over?

He retorted, "No, y/n. It's gone now. What do you have to be sorry for?" His words stabbed you which was as sharp as a knife. No other emotion could be fathomed and all you can sense was the enraged tone of his voice.

Jungkook scowls and continued his tantrum, "Those were drafts for my mixtape."

That completely ended you. His patience, his hardwork—gone because of you. You were remorseful and would probably do anything for the sake of both of you—for his forgiveness.

Your throat begins to hurt while you restrain your tears from falling, making it difficult for the both of you to compromise. Jungkook stood there waiting for his food and you were there too, invisible from his sight.

He replies, breaking the awkward silence in this dark hour. "Just because something looks unused doesn't mean it's already trash y/n. I can't believe you just dumped half of the stuff away!"

"I know. I'm so sorry."

He never looked at you again as he was afraid of the chances he can recklessly do to you. Your hand deliberately grabs his wrist but he was quick to remove it—and that's the time you finally snapped.

You give up. It seems that those 3 dreadful days were just distressing as the present. For crying out loud, you yearn to be at peace with this man but got deeply saddened to see that he was opposing.

Tears abruptly stream down your cheeks while you bewail in front of him. You wanted to hit him because he was just there watching you. Jungkook examined your small figure with his eyes fixated at your weeping appearance and unknowingly disregarding the forethought of his actions.

Wiping a torrent of tears from your crimson face, you managed to continue despite of convulsing too much. "I get it now." You sigh in defeat and exhaustion.

"I'm sorry, Jungkook. I'm really sorry."

"I don't even know why I'm still here looking so pathetic in front of you."

"I do look stupid now, am I?"

Jungkook deadpanned although his anger seemed to be dissipating as soon as he saw you sobbing. Your breath quivers along with a burning sensation from your flooded eyes.

"Please forgive me Jungkook. It fucking hurts to see you ignoring me. I understand those drafts mean everything to you—"

"And I–because of me...screw this, just forget it." You got tired of explaining this idiotic mess you've done and stormed out of the room. This silent treatment drained you, this foolish argument you've been dealing with had you completely strained.

A sudden outburst of realization slaps him, regret finally immured him and with that, he blames himself. His ego didn't gain anything but abomination under this circumstance.

"Y/n! Shit."

You got surprised by his hand gripping your wrist tightly. You tried to stop him but he won't budge, not even showing a slight movement from his hand.

"What do you want? I thought you were angry with me?" Your voice trembles in outrage while your eyes speak lowly for yourself. Jungkook's hand made you shudder, struggling to disenthrall from his touch but he suddenly pulls you closer to his chest as you have given up to his beyond strong hand that was holding you back.

"I'm so tired, Jungkook. Can we just fix this in the morning?" His shirt was now drenched with your tears as you buried your face on his chest.

"I don't care if the both of us are tired y/n. I don't want you to sleep thinking that I'm upset with you."

You looked at him in disbelief, "I threw them away. Aren't you gonna hate me for that?" His hands travelled around your waist as your eyebrows furrowed. The contact of his biceps wrapping around you were enough to calm you down and your nerves that had tensed were finally recovering.

"Y/n, stop saying things like that."

Jungkook's chest was heaving gently against your face, lulling you to sleep. The comfort he's been giving you cannot be compared to any other, even right after an argument he was there to understand you—and as juvenile as this may be, he knew his limits and wouldn't dare to cross that boundary.

"I'm sorry for being an asshole earlier. I'm sorry for just watching you cry, y/n. Please, I can't stand you being so weak in front of me. It makes me feel like I'm awfully treating you–that you're afraid of me." He brushes the strands of hair away from your face.

"And those past few days of ignoring you, I'm sorry. I–I am just as fucking careless as you think. You didn't deserve this kind of punishment. I badly want to make it up to you. Just please, don't cry. I hate it when you're crying. I've never seen you so scared of me in my entire life and it makes me devastated." He groaned, guilt already had built up in his mind. He never wanted to forgive himself for doing this to you.

Jungkook closed his eyes as his fingers knead the bridge of his nose, "It's just that...I'm so upset because I worked hard for those stuff." You knew he put a lot of effort on making those drafts but the thing here was how you dumped them without his consent, and who wouldn't be angry with that?

"Even if you've done something terrible. I would never hurt you. Don't be afraid of me. You are too precious to be hurt." He holds your shoulders, assuring you that he will never be someone whose rash actions can make you linger a bad memory with.

"I love you, y/n. Always remember that."

This callous human being turned into someone so soft, so affectionate. Now you know what his weakness is, supposedly there's still more. There are still parts of his personality that you haven't seen or even encountered and it makes this relationship filled with rollercoaster rides. A feeling of excitement, ups and downs—and the best one is to have fun spontaneously.

Cupping his cheeks, you pecked the tip of his nose. "I love you too, Jungkook."

"Don't let that worry you now. It's fine." He caressed you like a child and kisses your temple, inhaling the vanilla scent of your hair that made him fall in love with you more. He loves vanilla, and he loves you.

In an instant, Jungkook flicks your forehead, earning a whine from you, "But you have to help me remake them." He jested, making you chuckle as you see his adorable bunny smile flash on his face again. That wondrous grin makes you forget all the melancholy, as he does with you. The certainty of him not being ruthless at all eases you up and at once you feel the urge to cuddle with him as the both of you drift to sleep.

[eccentriccowboy]

Assassin// pt. 2

Synopsis: Y/n goes for her next target, with the help of a little someone.

Pairing: Slow burn relationship between bestfriend!Luke and Y/N

Warnings: Swearing. Bad editing. Epic chasing scenes that might remind you of Fast and Furious except better.

Word Count: 2.2 k

Notes: i jammed so hard to killer queen while writing this FUCk. also i’m beginning to realize all of my plot holes whoops ain’t gonna fix thoses yEET.

*****

Well shit.

Of course your next target just so happens to be the strongest player in the game. Ashton has won a whopping six times, and if he didn’t place first he was usually runner-up.

Ashton seemed to always be in the right place at the right time, always getting his targets when they least expect it. And to add on to it, Ashton runs fast. Like, really fast. So if you were to ever catch him he can escape the old fashioned way by just running away. 

You knew you weren’t going to be able to catch Ashton alone. You were going to need some help. But that’s where things get tricky.

You could enlist the help of Michael, but he can’t do anything. Once you’re out of the game you can’t help the people still playing, you just get to watch on the sidelines. You could ally yourself with Calum, but he might be your attacker and then he’ll trick you and tag you. So you could enlist the help of Luke, but again, you don’t know who he’s got. If you wanna win you’re gonna have to figure out who has who. 

If there is one thing you love Luke for it’s how gullible he is. It’s endearing that he believes everything he is told. Hell, you could confess to him that you’re an alien from outer space and he’d ask to see photos of your planet.

You devised a simple plan. You would tell Luke that your target is Calum. Because if Luke doesn’t have you, and you have Ashton, that means the only other possible option is Calum. So if he says that you’re lying, well then you know you can trust him.

The only way this could mess up is if Luke does actually have you and realizes your plan and goes along with it just to trick you. But based off of year prior playing this game, you don’t think Luke is. 

Luke would be really great at this game, except he always makes stupid mistakes that eventually lead to his downfall. In 2017′s game, he accidentally left his Find My Friends app on, leading you right to him.

You’ve consistently been very smart when it comes to Assassin, yet you could never manage to win. You realized this year what you may have been doing wrong. Every year, you’d wait for your victim to come out in the open. Sometimes it was too late, and your attacker would get you first. This time, like you did to Michael, you’re going to make them come out into the open.

So with confidence in your plan and Luke’s gullibility, you enacted Phase One: Call Luke.

You grabbed your phone from the kitchen counter and quickly dialed your best friend. Your heart skipped a beat when he picked up, but you quickly put that thought to the side to talk to him. 

“Hey Luke,” you started off simply.

“Y/N, I swear if your at a police station right now and your tracking this call to see where I am I’ll have you know I’m at home where you cannot attack me,” Luke stated blatantly.

You laughed. “God Luke, that’s not a very warm welcome,”

“I’m playing this game to win, and your foolish plan will not get in the way with that,”

“Well, my so-called plan includes you. But it helps both of us.”

“What if you have me? And this is all a trick? You sick fuck.”

You laughed again. “Luke, oh my god, hear me out. I have Calum. I’m guessing you have Ashton so we should team up and get them out together.”

You could hear Luke’s confusion in his voice, you could picture his brow’s furrowing. “Wait no I have Calum, that’s impossible.”

You continued on with your lie “Um, no, I have Calum, you liar. You’re calling me a sick fuck when here you are lying to your best friend of over ten years just for a petty game? I’m disappointed in you,” you tried your best to contain your smile.

“No, no, no Y/N, I swear I have Calum, I would never do that to you,” Luke paused, and as he did you couldn’t help but feel bad for basically lying and taking advantage of this poor, sweet boy. But then again you want to win.

“Hey! Is this me catching you in a lie? DO YOU HAVE ME AND YOU WERE TRYING TO TRICK ME? OH MY GOD YOU ARE A SICK FUCK, Y’N!” Luke scrambled.

“Wait no! no, no no, no, no. I was checking if you were lying to me. I have Ashton!” you tried to explain.

“I don’t believe you,” Luke said.

“I promise, Luke. I’m trying to work with you because I need help getting Ashton out, I know I won’t be able to get him out alone. Please,” you begged.

Luke didn’t speak for a few moments, before huffing out a sigh. “Fine, but if we are working together we will meet at my place. I still don’t know if I can trust you.”

You smiled. “Good, see you in ten.”

*****

You looked one more time outside your car window, left, right, in front, and the back, before taking one step out and rushing into Luke’s apartment building. Once reaching his apartment door, you pulled out your spare key and quickly got yourself inside, slamming the door a bit too harshly behind you.

Luke was sitting on the couch, his knee jumping eagerly. “Tell me, tell me, tell me. Let’s get out those bastards,” he said excitedly.

Usually you would tell him to relax, but right now you were filled up with just as much excitement. Luke doesn’t know it, but you’re gonna win the game.

You began to tell him the first phase of the plan, where you get out Ashton. Luke argued that he should get Calum out first, since he was risking his life allying himself with you, but you refused, bringing up how you created the plan. He grudgingly agreed, shaking his head and muttering about the things I do for you, causing you to giggle. God dammit he’s make it hard to hide your feelings. 

But you put your pent-up emotions to the side, you had bigger problems in life right now. And you sure as hell weren’t gonna let them get in the way of winning.

*****

You sat in your car, waiting patiently. You’ve been here for the past 15 minutes, but you didn’t get bored as you had Luke on facetime, also waiting in his own car, about five parking slots away from you.

Except these weren’t your cars, these were rentals. You guys went big for this plan.

The plan was something you were proud of. You’ve learned throughout the years while playing the game that no matter the circumstances, Ashton doesn’t miss a yoga class. He does, however, switch the hour he goes out. He’s gone so far as to change gyms completely to attend a different class for a few games. But this time you planned ahead.

You may or may not have gone across town yesterday and asked the receptionist at each gym to see if a “Mister Ashton Irwin” had been attending classes there. After trying and failing at a few different gyms, one downtown finally said he had been going there for the past two weeks. You then gave your number and 50 bucks to the receptionist, telling her to call you when he arrived for his next class.

That was all it took for you to be sitting outside the gym now, waiting for your victim to walk out into your trap. You had Luke waiting in his rental car, waiting just in case things go bad. If all else failed, you would have Luke drive in front of the parking lot exit to block Ashton’s car. But honestly you doubt they will, you’re confident in your plan.

Just then, you see a sweaty tall man walk outside the gym. Your heart began to beat faster as you sneakily opened up your car door to crouch on the ground, crawling around until you had your eyes on Ashton, who was slowly making his way to his car in the parking lot. 

With every step your heart beat quickened, your nerves getting to you. Right as Ashton was about to turn the corner to get into his car you jumped out at him.

But he took a step back. His eyes widened in surprised before he realized what was happening. 

“Nice try, y/n, but not today,” he ran in the other direction, and you started to chase his around the gym’s parking lot.

Around and around you went, but he never slowed down. God dammit he was fast. You tried to catch him, but with his endurance and agility, which he swore he got from yoga, it was highly unlikely. You slowed down, and as Ashton reached his car, swinging the door open and showing you the finger before he closed it.

You didn’t hurry to your car, though, because you know Luke had already realized what was happening. He had taken the spot next to the parking lot exit, so he could quickly block it before Ashton could get out.

And that’s exactly what he did. Ashton muttered a curse, before he realized who was in the driver’s seat of this mystery car, realizing that you and Luke must have made an alliance. 

You thought this was it, and you started walking to the driver’s door in Ashton’s car. But suddenly, Ashton reversed and swiftly exited through the parking lot’s entrance, almost crashing into a car entering. The car honked at him, and you couldn’t help but let out a small cry of frustration. He got away.

Luke reversed, before leaning over to open the passenger door. “Get in loser, we’re going on a car chase,” 

You laughed, before stumbling into his car. Before your door was even completely shut he was driving away, speeding his way to get onto Ashton’s tail.

“Faster!” you urged Luke. You could see Ashton’s car, 2 ahead of yours. Luke swerved into the next lane, quickly going around the 2 cars to be behind Ashton.

When Ashton saw who was behind him, he only sped up, exceeding the speed limit greatly. He was forming a plan to lose you guys in a car chase, when all of the sudden, a cop car came speeding down, cutting off you and Luke and turning his siren on behind him. 

You’ve got to be kidding me. Ashton was being pulled over!

Ashton felt a pit in his stomach, but by law he had to pull over. He did as he was supposed to, knowing his game was over.

You two followed the cop car, pulling over behind them. You jumped out of the car, slowing walking over so as to not warn the cop of anything suspicious, and as Ashton rolled down his window for the police officer, you quickly opened up the passenger door and sat down.

“Hey, Ashton, everything alright? In any trouble?” you leaned over, rubbing both your hands over his shoulder in a fake caring way, eliminating him from the game.

“Dammit, y/n, first a ticket, and now I’m out of the game. That’s just cruel,” Ashton shook his head, before having his attention drawn back to the very professional police officer standing outside his window.

“Excuse me, Ma’m(or sir idk who you are or what you’re into), if you would please step out of the vehicle so I can deal with this man,” he said sternly.

You quickly apologized, shooting Ashton an apologetic glance before rushing back to the car. 

You tried to open the door, but it was locked. You looked at Luke, motioning for him to open the door, but he only opened the window. 

“I want to remind you that we have an alliance until I get out Calum, and only after than can you get me.”

You had forgotten that getting out Ashton means you get his target, and as Luke has Calum, that only means that you now have Luke. 

“Yes, I know. I wasn’t even planning on doing anything now, that would just be boring,” you joked.

Luke looked at you, then back at the road, before sighing and unlocking the door.

As he put the car into drive, he said, “The cop didn’t looked too pleased with you.”

“Oh definitely not. But you should have seen the look of despair on Ashton’s face!”

You began to tell him about what he missed while he was in the car. After, the car settled into a comfortable silence, until Luke once again pulled into the gym parking lot, where your rental car was waiting.

“Thanks for this by the way,” you muttered, leaning over to press a kiss to Luke’s cheek. You flushed as you got out of the car, walking quickly back to the rental before you could see Luke’s reaction. You didn’t know what got into you, it must of been from coming down from the adrenaline high. No matter what it was, you had to get it under control. You shouldn’t be in love with the man that you’re about to get out next.

taglist for Assassin: @cashtonspicelatte @curlious

@wrappedaroundcal @teenswithbrokensmiles @lu-fakebetch

[badmuslim-blog1]

Failed Attempt

December 3

Well…

I tried. I went for it, I did it. I tried to leave. Note my use of the term “tried”…

I prepared my bags, snuck out first with the key to unlock the front door so I wouldn’t have to fumble with it on my way out. Went back to nervously make sure I had everything and mentally prepared. Saying I was terrified was an understatement. But I knew if I didn’t just force myself to do it, I’d never stop being too chicken. I’d never actually step out of this comfortable, secure, jail cell because in here, I knew what to expect, I knew what I was getting even if it was sub-par and lacking basic necessities and rights.

It’s funny how circumstances can so starkly affect the meaning and consequences of a situation. When you’re 8, not being allowed to leave the house whenever you want, not having a phone, getting grounded from the internet, that’s called disciplining, parenting. When you’re 21, that’s called a hostage situation. I’m a mother effing hostage among this family of Arabs who thinks I just need to be married to their son already so he can knock some sense into me perhaps? Tame me. You know that “do you promise to obey” line in Christian vow ceremonies when it’s pretty much the same among these folks, the wider Muslim community.  Not only is the man the head of the family and the household, but every man in the family is positioned above the women, no matter the age. But especially when the female is unmarried, then she’s considered the responsibility of the father and his side of the family. Therefore when this uncles wife came out and followed me every time I walked out of the house to go to the washroom, watching to make sure I didn’t leave the property, what I saw as insulting, annoying police guarding bitchery, she considered a duty.

So anyways I guess I was caught. SOMEONE locked the door in our room that leads directly to outside yesterday and made the key disappear, and no one’s admitting to it. Obviously, the most likely candidate is my mother. I ended up having a terrible taste in my mouth that I used to get every time I spent an all-nighter doing last minute school work. I had to walk through the room that the two household grandparents slept in. My mistake in all this was talking too much I think. Although I like to be able to say I warned them all this would happen if they continued to treat me the way they were. And I guess she heard me opening the dragging heavy door. And I guess she saw the bag on my back under my abaya. She came out as I was going to the washroom for a final pee. I think she thinks I was out and returned just then. She proceeded to snitch to my mom. My mom came in and yelled at me about going out at night which I denied because you know, I didn’t go out. My problem is I’m too meticulous, have to be 100% sure and ready in every way to go through with something. I also decided it was impossible to time my sleep so I could wake up at 3am so it was best to stay up. This means if I get caught, I’m fully caught red-handed and it’s usually because I took too damn long. Exiting through that door though, dare I say I think it doomed me from the start. For all I know, that woman wakes up every time someone walks by and would have quickly noticed I had gone but not come back.

So, my options now? Well, option 1: Give up. Not much of an option as I’m not willing to miss out on submitting the deferred school work that will determine whether I fail or pass all my courses from last year. Plus every day I delay, my odds of making it back in time to get a new passport and get to Mexico in time for the start of the term get worse. I’m also not going to survive like this much longer, mentally speaking. Option 2: Run. Walk out during the day, at a time where there’s no one around who’s going to follow me but even if there is, I’d attempt to outrun them and take advantage of the fact that they didn’t see my midday escape coming. Option 3: attempt another nighttime escape. This time, I would have to be smarter about it. Specifically because now they’ll be locking up to prevent ME from leaving, and now that they know I know where the key hangs to unlock the front door, It’s unlikely I will see that key again. It’s still not impossible. There is a second exit, through the kitchen. Problems: it’s a bit loud so I’ll have to go very slow. And there’s a window from the grandparents’ room showing that pathways so they could see/hear me. It’s very hard to get through the path because of the huge round cylindrical bread ovens. I’ll have to get over them, unfortunately, I don’t have the body or strength for that kind of physical exertion. Let’s just hope the adrenaline kicks in at the right time in the right ways. After I get through there, I’ll still have to get through the locked door. Or, well, I’ll have to get over it. The geezer is beside the bathroom against the wall, the children that live here are pretty mischievous and have hopped onto the geezer to climb up the wall and get over before.  They needed a chair or a bucket to reach though. If they can do it, so can I. It’ll be hard and I just might bust the fucking geezer but by God, if they remove that key, they’ll have this shit coming.

I’m currently sitting in the room with my sister, I can’t get my bags out without everyone noticing unless I slip them through the window first. But even then, kids and people are all over, can’t do anything without them seeing and taking notice. The difference now, however, is that they’ll be watching and expecting me to leave at night now as well. Which is a nuisance. I still don’t even know if I’ll be able to get a taxi if I leave at night. At least during the day, there are taxis I can hop into. Basically, I’m only considering option 2 and 3. Both are risky and will be more difficult than my attempt last night. Fack.

[kiryuva]

Something with reader who has had a crush on Genji since his blackwatch days, but only after he's learned to accept himself with zenyattas help does Genji realise they were sincere?

Distance

Note: This one was a bit of a struggle for me, as I am still doing my best to characterize cast members effectively and to the best of my ability. This features a degree of angst, but not too much. For as much as I love the Shimada, they give me the most anxiety when writing! This also became so much longer than I initially envisioned, so I apologize for the length! I do hope I wrote your prompt well enough for your liking!

Always from afar had you admired the cyborg, but given the circumstances of either of your positions, your one-sided affection was highly unlikely to be reciprocated. You accepted this, but it didn’t make it any easier with how often either of you crossed paths. You kept your composure, remained professional when you could, and only disclosed your troubles with a peppy brunette who remained positive and at your side during your most conflicted times.

What made matters worse was how difficult it was for you to confront your feelings.

Who Genji was and how he carried himself was just admirable. Contrary to the popular opinion of him as an Omnic and no longer human around the base, you supported him and wanted him to get better. Yes, there were barriers that surrounded Genji — many, in fact — but it didn’t stop you from showing to his practices, assisting him with missions, or even offering friendly gestures. You respected him, and wanted to know more of him.

Though, had you known your feelings would be so strong, you would’ve stopped yourself before.

“Don’t worry, love! Just keep your head up!” she would repeat, prompting your fake, reassuring smile.

Relationships amongst agents were strictly forbidden as by Blackwatch’s code, but there were so many things hush-hush within the organization you sooner found yourself disregarding the rules. There were many a time you did your best to suppress what you felt, but it would not work. You mostly kept to yourself your feelings, and hoped that no one would discover it. While your friend would tease you, it was never out of ill-will.

You were not a field combat, and never aspired to become one. You received the mandatory basics of combat, and would opt to be learn different styles of self-defense to keep your appearance up, but otherwise avoided fighting.  At the same time, it always amazed you how well your teammates moved, and how effectively they were able to hold their own. How fluid their motions were, how quick they were to react, how capable they were.

Genji was no exception to that, with how dangerously precise and swift his movements were captivated you. While you could watch every spar Lena had with him, the ones you were able to observe you were amazed. Lena on her own was a very capable fighter. Even at moments when her movements became a bit sloppy, she was quick to readjust herself and try to turn the tables. She was persistent, and a true fighter. She sparred with Genji often, which became one of the reasons you tried to familiarized yourself with him.

But there were moments where it’d be a close call, causing you to gasp with the intensity of the situation.

“Genji!”

A voice boomed over the training facility as the cyborg hovered over the brunette, his blade pointed to her throat. The male had her pinned to the ground, blade hovering just centimeters from her skin. He froze, blinking, and collected himself before pulling away. Lena found the air to breathe, and scrambled to get herself up as the cyborg began to walk away without a word. She looked to you, and you returned her gaze with frightened concern.

You watched as the raven-haired male briefly paused before exiting the facility, making eye contact with your shared Commander. He narrowed his eyes, lowering his gaze from him to you, his piercing red irises boring into yours. It caused you to tremble, the cold stare he gave, making you step back. You kept your eyes on him for as long as you could before he disappeared, and you couldn’t help but exhale. You hadn’t realized, but you were holding your breath the few seconds he made eye contact with you.

You glanced to your Commander, who was speaking to medical staff; of Genji, you were sure. Agents began to enter the facility to speak to Lena, crowding her with questions. She laughed, “I’m fine, I swear!” she repeated, stretching and moved around freely to dispel any worries. You frowned, unsure of how to even approach your crush in the state he was in.

Shaking your head from your thoughts, you watched as Lena reached over and grabbed a cookie that was your tray at the lunch table. You tried to shoo her away but she quickly put it in her mouth, laughing as you playfully hit her on her arm in disapproval. “Hey, you promised yesterday I got a cookie!” You rolled your eyes, placing your chin in your palm as you absentmindedly moved fruit around in your tray. Her brown eyes watched your movements closely, and she bit the cookie.

“So, when are you gonna to tell him?”

That question made you jump slightly, and a puzzled expression covered your face. “Tell him what?”

“… That you like him, silly. You do well keeping it together, but it’s really starting to show.” Lena grinned widely, and saw heat swell to your cheeks. “The worst he can say is ‘no’!”

And it really was the worst when he said ‘no’. You preferred to keep the memories just as they were – memories – and disliked having to relive the scene. Nervously you rubbed your palm as you unfortunately revisited the scene.

His back was turned to you, and an anxious you remained still as you watched on. It was so matter of fact, so abrupt, so blunt. Many missions, months and slight interactions mustered the courage for you to speak to him about what been clouding your mind. You tried to find a time where it’d be best to speak to him in private, and it was difficult locating him when he wasn’t with the Commander or a certain cowboy. You opened your mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

“If this is an attempt to reveal your feelings for me, understand that they are not reciprocated.”

“Genji,” you began, finding the courage to speak, “I am simply wanting to know you more. I worry about you, as-“

“I do not need your pity.” He spat, turning to you with narrowed, rigid eyes. He was taller than you were, looking down to you as you tried to formulate your words quickly to convince him otherwise. You knew you were far away from him, an enemy to him. You pulled in a deep breath as he continued, “Do not approach me with something as trivial as this again.”

“Genji, please, listen, that’s not what I’m trying to say.” You lied, finding it difficult to swallow the lump in your throat. It was almost as if you were trying to lessen the rejection, the blow to your heart. You kept your eyes on him, saying whatever came to your mind. “I am just very concerned about you. Many people are. I’m not saying this because of what all is going on. But I want to be here for you, as a friend-“

“A friend?” His eyes narrowed, visibly irritated by the term.

“Yes.” You powered through. “Look, we may not see eye to eye, but-“

“We are not friends.” He stated indifferently. “We are agents, working for an organization to combat The Omnics. You are a fool to believe that the relationship we share is a genuine camaraderie or anything more.”

“All I’m trying to say is-“ Your voice began to tremble, but you did not let your emotions overwhelm you.

“I am not interested.”

With that, he parted with a hard stare and continued down the hallway. His footsteps and the sounds of metal reverberated on the walls around you, your eyes become glossy at the sight of him leaving. It felt like you were hit by a brick, and you wanted to collapse. You lowered your head, fighting the water you felt forming at the corners of your eyes. Your heart kept beating fast, and you couldn’t tell if it was from his coldness, the rejection, or the adrenaline of you confessing your feelings. Perhaps it was a mixture of all of everything combined.

You held your arm, staring to the ground, defeated, as your tears hit the vinyl floors.

Years following, you had moved on from the hurt of being rejected. Things happened for a reason, and perhaps during that time a relationship would not work anyhow. You shrugged, looking up to a tree with light pink flowers. Rethinking the events of the past often had you more sullen than happy, and you promised you wouldn’t get caught up in the what-ifs. You still remained good friends with the time-traveling adventurer herself, and made new ones after The Fall, grown in more ways than one.

This particular day, you agreed to go out with Lena, as she had a new boutique and café she wanted to show you. Often you occupied yourself with work, but made it your interest to let loose and have a bit of a social life. It wasn’t often you traversed London. The weather was nice, the city was gorgeous, and you found being in her company made you feel a bit better. Stretching just a bit, you smiled before bringing your arms too quickly and hitting something, someone, near you, hard. You were near a group of people in the calmer area of the shopping district, unsure of where your friend had zipped to.

“Ow-!” your bit your lip before cursing something under your breath. “I’m so sorry,” you shook your hand before holding it. “It was an accident, I promise.”

You had hit your arm on metal, that you knew. The pain stung for a second as you straightened your posture again. You moved your fingers to regain feel, getting a good visual of the being before you and spacing yourself to prevent any further mishaps. London was a place of high tension, you knew, and you didn’t want to accidental incite something and make it more than what it was. Your heart sped a bit faster for just a moment, but you could only open your mouth as if to speak as you heard the familiar voice. 

“So, this is what Tracer was excited about.” 

The Shimada looked much different from when you last saw him, and it caused you to stare. You did your best to stop yourself, as you knew it was rude, but his overall appearance fascinated you. In Blackwatch he had so much red, and now, he sported shades of grey and green. He had a complete change, and seeing him so suddenly caught you off guard. You put on a smile and stammered at first, and you could tell he caught wind of your anxiousness being near him again. You were relieved to see him, but also slightly confused as to why he was here. So many emotions hit you at once.

“Tracer told me she would be a moment trying on clothes.” He spoke to you calmly, watching as you found words to speak. “Have I startled you?”

Almost immediately you found yourself saying what came to mind. “N-No, no, you’re fine. I just wasn’t expecting to… See you here–” Oh, no. You felt your face becoming hot again. You didn’t mean it like that; hopefully he wouldn’t take it in the wrong light. You got over the rejection, yes, but now why was your face getting hot again? Did Lena set this thing up? The fact you felt so excited, but also so worried in this setting ate at you. You couldn’t pull your eyes from his new faceplate, and swallowed. Your anxiety wouldn’t ebb from your mind.

To distract yourself, you looked to an open area that had a free table. “Let’s just sit here until Lena is finished.” You immediately started walking, running different things to begin speaking about in the attempts to avoid small talk, to prevent from making it awkward, but your mind wasn’t as quick as you wanted it to be. Genji walked behind you, and closely so, making you even more nervous. You sat down, across from the man, as he was mostly quiet given your new location. What happened to the composure you just had? The calmness? Why did it go out the window?

“I… It’s good to see you again, Genji. I didn’t think I’d see you for… A long while. It has been a long time.” You looked at him and smiled, despite your sudden timidity.  

“Yes, it has been some time since I have spoken with you. Many events have transpired since then. Not many I retain contact with, especially in regards to Blackwatch.” He rested his hands in his lap.

You studied his body, how much of it had truly changed. “I only keep contact with a few. Blackwatch was…” You tried to find the words, but he let you finish. “Something.” Exhaling, you let it off your chest. It perhaps wasn’t the first thing to say when reuniting with a former team member, but you didn’t know what else to say. “Look, I’m… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… Said what I did back then. I wanted to reach out to you, but you were going through a lot. It was selfish of me to just… Come to you out of left field.”

“Things were much different back then.” He paused, lowering his head only slightly. It was as if he were recounting and remembering the many things that happened during that time, causing you to narrow your eyes in concern. “Though, I have found peace. Those years ago, it was difficult for me to trust anyone.”

“I’m sorry, Genji,” you found yourself apologizing again with a sigh. “I should’ve known to be more cautious. I really wanted to make sure you were OK.” He turned to you, his bright green visor staring directly at you. He was silent, which prompted you to speak again. “Ah… I am happy that you are doing better now, though.”

“No. I am sorry for hurting you. You were sincere, and I could not see that.”

You weren’t expecting him to say that, and almost choked as you drank from your cup. His voice was soft, sincere. You felt a warmth fill your cheeks and you avoided contact with his visor momentarily. You did your best to ignore the feelings you repressed all of these years, and it made you feel slightly awkward at the fact that he remembered so vividly your confession. “Growing with my Master allowed me to see things in a different way.” 

“N-No, it’s alright.” You forced yourself to laugh as he watched you rub your neck nervously. “Really, it’s fine. It wasn’t that bad,” you admitted, all the while feeing a bit flustered that he apologized. This odd feeling of closure, if it could be called that. You couldn’t stop from blushing, and nodded. “I promise, everything was fine. I understood.”

“Wasn’t that bad? Love, you were crying to me for weeks.” The familiar voice made you close your eyes and exhale through your nose, bringing your fingers to your temples. She placed bags on the table by you with a wide grin. You tried to hide your face and looked in any direction that wasn’t his. “You really liked him, can’t deny that.” She paused, seeing how quickly you become silent. “What?”

Genji turned from her to you, lifting his head slightly as you pushed your chair out and removed yourself from the table. You were happy you weren’t looking right at him and walking away, because your face was on fire from embarrassment.

[elle-stevens]

The Break Up Blog - Day Six

I dreamt of X last night. 

I’ve dreamt about her before, usually along the lines of us trying to find some alone time together in the middle of an enormous social event and getting interrupted by pesky family and friends. 

This dream was different though. 

I don’t quite recall the exact events, but I walked into a room where X was sitting. There were bunk beds in the room, so I assumed it was a bedroom of sorts. Judging by the drab and chipping turquoise paint on the walls, I’m guessing that this was supposed to be a room in X’s family home. I’ve been there twice before on two vacations when I visited her in her hometown. 

So I walked into this room with someone else. I don’t know if it was a friend or a potential lover. But I saw the outline of X’s pale legs peeking out from underneath the bunk bed, so I knew she was sitting there. But I didn’t make any effort to look at her or acknowledge her. I said ‘hi’ to the room at large and told the person I was with that we needed to go. That part was a lie; I just didn’t want to see or be near X. That much I knew from the general atmosphere of the dream. 

I woke up feeling miserable. I’ve only had dreams like that about people who have hurt me and who I’m either trying to move on from or get closer to. I never thought I would ever have that type of dream about X. In my dreams and in my reality, X was always the person I ran to. Even when I had the good parts of her, she left me wanting more, and that used to be a good thing. But the mere fact that I’m running away from X in both my life and my dreams is very telling. 

That wasn’t a great start to the day. So I tried to remedy things by making pork fried rice from scratch. I’d seen a video on YouTube a year ago and thought that the technique looked simple enough. Both my parents taught me and my older sister, G, how to cook from a young age. My younger brother P is still a bit of a novice in the kitchen, but he’s a fast learner. I’m no expert chef, but I always enjoyed cooking with my parents in the mornings and the evenings. I like cooking when I’m happy and when I’m sad; it makes me feel at peace with the world. 

So I went to the store with the intention of buying chives and a slice of lean pork. But then I changed my mind and bought thin strips of beef instead because I thought that would cook quicker and I wouldn’t have to worry about getting rid of the bones or the fat. So I boiled some sticky rice hours before and then started making the fried rice. But it turned out horribly and mushy too. It was either the rice or the fact that I didn’t stir-fry the mixture on a higher heat. But it was a complete waste of time and money, which depressed me even more. I made things up with myself by ordering real Chinese fried rice on a delivery app and went to lie down and rest for a bit. 

Then I called one of my newest friends named D who I also met from my last Chinese class. When we first hung out together a few months back, I ended up telling her about X, how we met, and that I was going to visit X in the Philippines during my summer holidays. D got back to China a few days ago from her summer vacation and naturally asked me how things went with X. I ended up talking to D on the phone about everything that happened during my trip, about X lying about having a terminal illness and finally about us breaking up. D was very sweet to me and asked me more questions about my emotional affair with my friend L that apparently culminated in X using me for money to get rid of her debts. D told me about a similar experience she’d had with an emotional affair; she and her significant other have been together for nearly a decade. Unlike my emotional affair, her emotional affair did more with boosting her confidence and infusing positivity into her outlook on life. 

I’m not exactly sure what my one-sided emotional affair with L accomplished a year ago. Initially, I thought it helped me to appreciate X more and solidify my love for her, regardless of the crappy circumstances we found ourselves in. Or maybe it finally made me see the irreversible cracks in mine and X’s relationship that would eventually break us apart a year later. In any case, it was still pretty shitty of X to use that as a justification for basically cat-fishing me, considering that she developed an emotional attachment to her friend J when we’d been dating for a year. I found a way to get over that and forgive her; did her punishment fit my crime? 

Talking to D about X and talking to my friend and colleague C about work-related things definitely helped me to focus on other things. It’ll be hard to go to work on Tuesday and pretend with everyone that I’m fine. Maybe I should practise saying ‘I’m fine’ with a big smile on my face in front of the mirror a few times before I go to work. Then again, I’ve always hated looking at my reflection in mirrors. The truth and my own insecurities are always staring back at me and it’s hard to stare them down. Maybe I’ll just cuddle with Teddy the teddy-bear that my mom gave me for Easter 4 years ago and just maybe Teddy will say the words I want to hear. 

I was gonna go swimming at my gym, but it’s almost 8pm and I’m feeling lazy. So I’ll rather eat dinner at home, watch TV and maybe do some more painting. C had a beautiful color by numbers canvas made for me with a drawing she made of my beloved dog Katie. Katie died a few months ago and I’m still missing my doggy a lot. Because it’s a really intricate series of numbers, I feel fairly certain that the overall look is going to be total crap, but painting is very therapeutic. Plus seeing Katie’s face gives me a tiny sliver of happiness that I didn’t realise I still had left inside of me. D told me to make some strategies for myself to help me get over my break-up with X. So far, I have just a few that seem to help: talk to other people; throw yourself into work or a favourite hobby. And my personal favourite: recall all of X’s ridiculous lies and idiosyncrasies and make fun of them and her with your closest friends and family getting in their licks too till you feel a little less sad and pathetic for missing her. 

I guess I only feel better when I’m sufficiently distracted and have no time to think about X. I don’t know how I’ll sleep tonight; maybe turning on my air conditioner might help to make my bedroom feel less hot and sticky. I’m not even sure what’s going to happen tomorrow. At least the medicine I got yesterday seem to be helping me feel better physically. 

I would love to take credit for making a break-up blog in the first place. Sadly, I got the idea from a movie that X put me onto called ‘How To Get Over A Break Up’ in which the heroine does exactly what I’m doing: writes a blog to help her get over her ex. The only difference is that her blog ends up getting a cult following. It would be nice if this blog got the same thing; even I enjoy the trappings of fame and potential fortune. But for now, it’s ok that this blog, albeit online, is still just for me. Sharing my passion for writing is what ultimately led me to X three years ago, and I’ll never regret that. But from now on, I’m going to try not to let a little interest and praise from someone else go to my head. That happened with X and it happened later with L and those are things I can never take back. 

I have to start with being interested in myself and praising myself first before expecting it from others. I guess that was always the problem: not loving myself enough before letting other people into my world. Good thing I now have all the time in the world to rediscover myself and figure out what truly makes me happy. 

[kakiokuru]

NOBORIZAKA: NOVEMBER RAIN

Chapter Ten | Work in Progess

After Nanase’s win and abrupt leave from yesterday, the Noborizaka team had decided to fall back in preparation to challenge the next step of authority. It was… untraditional at best and everyone knew it but without a full team, they didn’t want to run the risk of being blind sided. Unlikely but it was better to be safe than sorry. Declaring war and taking out two tiers all in one day was enough for them. Now the real fun was about to begin. Except, there was one issue.

Sakurai Reika was to be their front runner in the next fight.

Noborizaka agreed amongst themselves that they were to follow Majijo’s structure of power. That meant to them they had to pit their weakest fighter against Majijo’s weakest Heavenly Queen. Reika was mortified to say the least but they tiniest form of guilt and sense of duty forced herself to face this fight head on. However, she needed help. A lot of it.

The girls had gathered in the gymnasium, sporting their vibrant purple, rayon tracksuits and sneakers. Mai watched as a panicking Reika uncoordinatedly attack a standing heavy bag that was rolled out from the storage room backstage. For the umpteenth time, she sighed at the lackluster display when saw the bent angle of her wrist.

“Don’t curl your fist when you swing forward.” She instructed, tucking stray locks of hair behind her ear. With little time to spare, Mai made sure to keep an eye on the informant while trying her best to keep her patience. Reika literally only had until tomorrow to toughen up, she should at least know proper form. “Keep your feet firmly planted, and turn at the hip.”

“Sorry!” Reika squeaked, fixing up her stance and throwing another punch.

“Isn’t it a shame?” Standing next to Mai, Erika sighed, crossing her arms over her open purple jacket. It was like watching a frenzied mess of noodles slink and flail in what was supposed to be fighting. “If Naachan hadn’t taken out those two tiers at the same time we may have had more time to get her ready. This is… sad.”

The sight before her was more than unsettling. Reika was weak, everyone knew that, even Reika understood that fact best. She knew how everyone saw her, a princess from birth from a rich family. Born to a life where she shouldn’t have to lift a finger. Guarded by others so that she never had to do so herself. Erika believed she had an impossible amount of work to master and in less than 48 hours. Her opponent was someone who left bloody floors in her wake. Could they even hope to win?

“Mai, this is crazy and a waste of time. It would be better if we send the black hole with her, or just let the black hole do it on her own.”

The leader sighed, “At this rate we might just have to– No! Reika! Keep your body firm, strike with intent to hurt, not fear!!” Mai called out, throwing her hand up in frustration.

Reika was almost literally a blank slate when it came to violence, no amount of dramas she watched could prepare her for this. She sighed and pouted dejectedly as she hugged the heavy bag for support. She felt the judgemental gazes around her, her team was watching in both concern and amusement. Well, some were a little preoccupied with her own business to show interest. At least Kazumi was getting in the spirit, punching the air with two curry buns she was using as weights. Amazing what a Nanami-brand pep talk can do. Why couldn’t Reika be like that?

Mai slipped up behind her, carefully putting one hand on her side and another on her wrist, gently prying the student body president off the heavy bag stand. With a soft sigh, she placed her chin atop the girl’s shoulder, pressing her frame into her back. “Like this.” Slowly, she began to move the girl in the proper motion. Over and over until Reika moved on her own. “See, you’re getting it.”

Reika couldn’t help but get a slightly flustered  at the close proximity, cheeks faintly clouding with a rosy pigment. She couldn’t remember when she had last been this close to anyone. Her mind filtered the youth dramas she fantasized about as she moved her arm to Mai’s instruction.

The lack of actual focus didn't go unnoticed by Erika’s keen eyes. She didn’t even realize she had been staring intensely until a small bruised formed on her forearm caused by the rhythmic tapping against her skin. Her brow furrowed in slight irritation, watching the scene. Some would assume it was the fires of jealousy burning within her, but it wasn’t that. Not at all. “Mai, you shouldn’t coddle her.” Erika stomped towards the two girls. “Her fight is tomorrow. We need progress now.” Grabbing Mai by the shoulder, she yanked her off with a firm tug and took it upon herself to a new lead on Reika’s training. “Wakatsuki, get over here!!”

The girl in question was on the other side of the gymnasium laying down on the stage on. She opted to sit out of team training today, didn’t really think there was a point since it was for Reika anyways. Besides, her head was already busy running on overdrive due to recent events. To keep her mind off of them, she took the chance to take a long needed nap on a gym mat. Her presence enough should be moral support for Reika, given the circumstances.

Though, Erika wasn’t too happy about the laziness. “Wakatsuki!!” She stomped to the side to grab a tennis ball, previously used for projectile dodging, and chucked at the yankee’s spine. “Get up!!”

The impact was hard and loud, the hollow bounce echoing off the walls as the yellow ball ricocheted into the air. Yumi shot up from her former sleep, rubbing her back and arching in pain that would surely take the form of a dark bruise soon. Groaning and rolling over on her knees, she glared at the pianist. “The fuck is wrong with you, I was sleeping!!”

“Sorry.” She wasn’t. “The only way to really train is how the yankees do it, with action.” Erika grabbed Reika by the arm, walking her to the stage. “Wakatsuki, fight her.”

“Wait, what?!” Reika’s eyes became so wide they nearly popped out of her head.

Yumi’s eyes narrowed with brows furrowed together. “You know that’s not going to end well, right?”

“I’m not telling you to kill her, just make her fight back.” Erika stepped back, taking a seat on the bleachers. “You don’t even have to hurt her if you can avoid it.”

“That’s contradictory…” Reika whined.

“That’s stupid.” Yumi rolled her eyes.

“Just do it.”

The yankee and president both sighed.

Reika reluctantly raised her fists up as she watch Yumi begrudgingly hopped off the stage. Seeing she straighten out her jersey and stretching her arms, she couldn’t help but stare at the perfect specimen in front of her who was obviously out of her league in every way. How could she be expected to fight Yumi? The apple of her eye? The one girl she wanted to be held by, not punched. For some reason, Yumi looked more intimidating than ever, facing off against an active and proud yankee was terrifying, even in practice. Almost as if the girl in front of her had grown thirty inches, comically looming above her head, and could destroy her with only her pinky finger. Well, in theory she very well could but now she could prove it. Reika gulped.

Yumi could see her she was physically shaken by the mere thought of exchanging blows. Reika was stood in form before her but everywhere the yankee glanced, she can already see thousands of ways to get Reika on her back. No innuendo intended. This was going to go nowhere. “Hey, don’t be afraid. It’ll be okay.” Yumi put on a charming smile, trying to relieve her. It was difficult and forced but Reika needed it. Raising her hand, she gently let it rest against the crown of the timid girl’s head. “Just do your best and you’ll do fine. I believe in you. We’re all relying on you.”

All senses froze and Reika’s heart nearly leapt out of her chest. Yumi noticed her feelings, well she had made it obvious but she was taking her seriously now. She had heard that Nishino finally took the final steps to ending their relationship, but she never thought Yumi would look her way. Especially this quickly. Maybe she was reading too into it. She shook her head side to side and nodded into Yumi’s hand. “Y-You can rely on me…!!” Even if she was a rebound, Reika didn’t mind. For too long had she worked hard to gain Yumi’s recognition. She wouldn’t blow it now. Besides, this wasn’t the time to thinking about possible romances.

“Good then. I'm going to come at you slow, don’t get caught.” Yumi gave her a small nod, raising her fists. “Most yankees aren’t shit but they all have a style. Trick is to predict where they’re going to be and block and avoid and then go for an opening. At least that’s the most basic thing to do. Since this is your first, stick to that.”

“Okay…” Basics, okay… Reika could do that. “Then, what’s your style?”

Yumi smirked. “Take it all and go for the kill. Let’s go.”

The fight went just as well as you would expect it. Reika kept on her toes like she was taught and watch Yumi carefully. A rock solid basic form that contrasted the way that she would usually fight. She must have changed for her. Ah, gay thoughts go away. She stepped forward and attempted one swing before backing off, losing her footing and landing on a pile of mats the second Yumi retaliated. Nanase scoffed at the sight, turning away the second she lost interest. Mai’s face was buried deep into her palm in frustration she didn’t dare look. Erika couldn’t stay silent.

“Are you kidding me!! Sakurai, she didn’t even aim for you!!”

“I-I’m sorry– I–” Reika scrambled to her feet with Yumi’s help.

“Do you want us to fail before we get a chance to redeem the school?”

Kazumi chimed in, taking to Reika’s side as she munched into her buns. “Slow your roll, she’s trying!”

“Ikuchan, you’re being too harsh.” Mai straightened out, placing her hand upon Erika’s tense shoulders.

“Harsh? No, you’re being too soft. All of you are. If you want results, you need to push her to her limits. It’s not like we can send her to our military sister school for a day and expect her to be like Hirate by the time she gets back.”

“Hirate-san is pretty amazing…” Reika murmured as she mentally compared herself to mentioned sister school student representative.

“Give her a break, girl never even stepped on an ant before.” Yumi attempted to defend her, but it came off as more of an insult.

Erika directed her hateful stare to the Yankee. “If she can't do it then she’s not worth her place within the team.” Blunt and cruel, just like Erika to take out her anger to the things around her. “May as well send Kazumin in her place so we don’t have to waste time. She's obviously not willing to better herself.”

“Don’t say that. Nanamin wanted us to work as a team.” The leader mildly chided.

“I'm only a back up!!” Kazumi pointed to her, bearing her signature pout.

“You're wasting your time…” Nanase glanced over from the bleachers before slipping her ear bud back into her ear. Even she could feel the hopelessness in training the bookworm.

“I thought you all seriously wanted to honor MaiMai and avenge that first year. Quit babying her!!” Erika glared around the room. She may seem harsh, but she really did care. She wouldn't push if she didn't care. Still, it didn't stop the rising tension from every girl in the room.

Suddenly, Kazumi stuffed the remaining curry bun into her mouth and loudly muffled out. “I’m calling Nanamin!!” And stuffed her hands into pockets. Desperate times called for desperate measures.

All hearts sank into the pits of their stomachs. “No, stop!!” This time Erika lunged at the tank and snagged her phone from her hands.

Kazumi, being the big child she was, whined while extending her arm to grab her phone, Erika stretching her arm just out of her reach. “I’m not going to tell on you guys, I just think she can help train Reika since she’s not responding to any of our ways!” She made a good point, for once.

Still, no one wanted to face Nanami’s wrath from being called out of the blue again. Especially Erika. “No, she said don't bother her! She’ll kill us if we do.”

“She said I could call if it was an emergency!!” Kazumi gripped onto Erika's shoulder, bouncing closer and closer to the phone. “Come oooooon!!”

“No, you idiot!” Erika protested, leaning back as she took careful steps to stay upright with the stupidly strong girl against her.

Yumi grabbed it from the pianist’s grasp when the two wandered into her range, instantly moving far from the two, her fingers immediately working against the glass screen. Kazumi’s passcode was easy enough if you knew what her favourite flavour of ice cream was, it was only a matter of seconds until the phone was ringing. “Yo, Nanamin. I know this is really unlike me but… Reika needs training. She wants to actually fight. I, uh, also… kind of want to talk. Nothing bad, promise… Yeah, okay… Oh, you’re done work in an hour? Perfect… Okay, see you later.” With the tap of the button, she ended the call.

Everyone looked over in horror, unable to believe that Yumi was the one who would lead them to death this time. Almost in a flash there was the familiar feeling of dread throughout the gym. Well, save for Nanase, whom opted to ignore everyone of them.

“Nanamin… is coming… here?” Mai continued to stare at Yumi in horror. The gym was a mess, balls are scattered about in reckless abandon. Their gym suits were a mess and unkempt. Suddenly she could see a million things they would be scolded on. As pristine as Noborizaka was, she hated to admit that her team usually made a disorganized mess if they were not mindful. This was bad. MaiMai would be disappointed, Nanamin even more.

“Yeah, we got about an hour and a half to clean up.” The yankee tossed Kazumi back her phone. Yumi was surprisingly calm about the impending doom she had just set forth. “Should start now.”

“What are we standing around then for?!” Erika shoved Kazumi off, zipping her jacket up and clapping her hands for everyone’s attention. “I'll get the equipment, Kazumin will clean the floors, Wakatsuki should wake the brat up and organize the stage, Mai can make sure the gym is unoccupied when she gets here.”

“What about me…?” Reika meekly piped up.

“You… keep punching the sandbag.”

“Oh…”

“And for the love of god, zip up!!”

One would think an hour and a half would be plenty of time, but of course even to the last second they were all rushing around in a panic. Before they realized the time, the gym doors kicked open in a scarily cinematic fashion. Hashimoto Nanami had arrived, kendo stick in one hand, bug-eyed sunglasses hiding her intense glare, wearing her nostalgic golden tracksuit in all its glory to tie it all together.

“Line up.”

Without hesitance, her little headaches grouped into formation. Once more, save for Nishino Nanase, whom was still drowning the world out with music from her ear buds.

“Where's Nishino?”

The group all looked at each other in discomfort before gesturing behind them. Looking closely enough through her shades, Nanami’s brow twitch in irritation by Nanase’s lack of respect. She pounded the bamboo blade against the still damp gym floors as she approached the resting student. First, she cleared her throat. Second she called her name. By the third action she had lost her patience, swinging the stick down against her slightly exposed stomach.

Nanase ripped her earbuds out, groaning in pain as she doubled over. “Fuck!! Ow… Nanamin…?”

There was little to no remorse in her action. “Good, now that everyone's paying attention we can begin.” Nanami turned on her heels to address the team. “I told you all to never call me at work, didn't I?” The fact her voice was steady and calm was really the most unnerving thing they had ever heard.

“It was Wakatsuki and Kazumin–

Nanamin whipped the point of her kendo blade into Erika’s face just inches from contact, effectively silencing her. “No excuses. A team is as good as a hive mind. For insubordination and discordance, ten laps around the school. Now.”

“But our school is huge! And on top of a hill!”

“Did I stutter, Sakurai?”

The team let out a collective groan. They wanted proper training, they got it Nanami style. It was rough, ruthless, and excessively vigorous with little mercy in every aspect. They ran for a full hour, no water breaks, and came back as sweaty messes. Well, save for Kazumi and Yumi, who were sort of used to the physical exertion. However, it was only just the beginning of the worst to come.

“30 pull-ups, 30 sit-ups, 30 real push-ups, none of the girly ones, and 50 curls with a 10lb weight.” Nanami listed orders off of her phone, stand at the head of the stage as bounced her kendo sword on the polished floor. “When that’s finished everyone can have a ten minute water break. After that, Reika will fight everyone one on one. Make your break count.”

“Wait, what?! That-that’s impossible!”

“When I said everyone is pulling their weight, I meant it. These are your friends, they'll go easy on you. A yankee will not.” She stated with her voice somehow colder than Erika's. “Either hike up your skirt now or Kazumi will have to fight. I'm not letting you quit before you try.”

With a hesitant turn of her head, Reika looked over to Kazumi whom look terrified. Even more so than she was. Kazumi was stupidly strong yes, but she was still a pacifist at heart. She only just recently decided to throw her gauntlet into the effort and Nanamin was the one to convince her. If only she didn’t decide to quit fighting then they could have resolved the Yoga tier with no problem; Kazumi wasn’t called a tank for nothing. Reika felt guilty that Kazumi fighting depended on her ability to throw a single punch.

“If you leave it all to Takayama, can you really call yourself her friend being so selfish?”

Reika shook her head, raising her fists to the heavy bag. “I can do it.” She hoped. Only the worst would come if she should fail in the end. Even if Kazumi was an idiot, Reika did care immensely for her. Like a little sister, she did wanted to try protecting her from doing things she didn't want to do. But being as smart as she was, she knew this wasn't an appropriate amount of time to train, even if she had been proficient at violence. The results were inevitable, but damn it she’ll try. “It will be hard, but I will do it.” With a firm nod, Reika zipped up her purple jacket and lunged at the heavy bag with Nanami’s instruction.

Meanwhile, the others were left to their own devices, either to finish up Nanami’s set or do some serious training of their own. Not a moment to slack off lest they want to get an earful.

“Mai, You know how this will end don’t you?”

Mai nodded, jogging out of the room with Erika at her side. Even if Reika accepted her punishments, they all still had laps to do. “Of course, did you see her? Even Reika knows.”

“I think everyone but that idiot understands this is pointless, but teamwork right?” Erika scoffed, mentally rolling her eyes. “We’re sending her to die.”

“No, we’re sending Kazumi as well to protect her. If all goes well they both will come out with maybe a bump or two.” With a small, optimistic grin, Mai glanced over her shoulder. “Are you actually worried for your team?”

Erika furrowed her brow. “No way! I just don't want them to screw up!” Erika pouted slightly, looking forward. “That’s all.”

“Mhm~” Mai couldn’t stop grinning. “I’m sure that’s it.”

“Shut up, we have laps to finish.” Erika pushed herself in running to get a nice distance from the pack.

After a short while, the majority of the girls returned to the gym, tired and sweating. In front of them were lined up blue mats. However, Reika was fine, punching the air with weights in the corner. Surprisingly enough, she was able to lift the two five-pound dumbbells in each hand with some ease.

“Now you should be an even match, right?” Nanami watched the group with little interest, fanning herself with a school pamphlet.

Yumi hunched over, arms supporting her up on her knees as she coughed once while attempting to steady her breath. Since she oh-so effortlessly ran her ten laps, she was assigned ten more with weighted ankle wraps. Nanami said it would help her get more ‘springy’. “That’s… that’s really why you made us run around the school so much?! Fucking bullshit…” Yumi collapsed herself in exhausted irritation, ripping off the ankle weight off of her. Her legs never felt more… light actually. Dead, but light.

“And to build character Wakatsuki, silence.” Nanami tapped her kendo stick on the floor, commanding attention. “Let’s all look at the facts for a moment. Reika has never been in a fight nor do we think she should ever be. She can’t punch, she can’t kick, she has the balance of a bendy straw. We all know she won't win this fight.” Nanami strode back and forth in front of the group. “If she were fighting a newborn puppy she would lose due to its sheer cuteness and a yawn. She has absolutely no chance.”

Reika lowered the weights as if she was a deflating balloon. “Hurtful…”

“That’s why you need to show her what will happen in a fight, so she can at least last long enough to throw in the towel. Only then Kazumin will come and avenge her.” Nanamin stopped dead center in front of them, who were all confused.

“Avenge her after quitting? Doesn't that sound like failure in general?” Erika straightening out, perplexed by the strategy.

Once more, she aimed her faux blade at the pianist’s face. “Erika, if you would just let me finish… By the way, have you paid Reika back for her tablet yet?”

“Er…” Erika had not yet. Better keep her mouth shut.

Nanami exhaled and continued. “You’ve seen the videos Reika compiled of Majijo fights so you should have noticed that not all fights were as cut and dry. So consider this: even if you fail, so long as a Queen goes down to the challenging team in some way, it's our victory.”

“It’s not the best way, hell, it’s not even a good way to win but I find nothing wrong with it.” The yankee shrugged, rubbing her calves with her thumbs.

Nanase crouched down, resting her arms on her knees. “Hm… So just hope the princess last long enough then?” She snorted shifting her gaze to the bespectacled girl, giving her a condescending smirk. “Good luck.”

Mai weighed on Nanami’s suggestion and since Yumi didn’t protest it, they had no other choice. Reika was serious about fighting so she had to let her go. “It’s the only way Reika is going to live through this without us being labelled cheaters for sending two against one.”

Glancing around her, Erika tried to strand the logic together and mumbled under her breath. “I don’t understand yankees at all…”

“So I am needed after all?” Kazumi pointed a finger at her chin and tilted her head in a quizzical fashion.

“Let's give it our all!” Mai smiled, seeing the pieces fall together in her mind. “MaiMai would love this sort of plan, I know it.” Mai was the first to step forward, finding a suitable position opposite of their student body president. Raising her fists, her eyes steeled in only her opponent in mind. “Get ready, Reika. I'm not holding back no matter how much you cry.”

Reika nodded with nervous seriousness. “Understood.”

She could do it. She hoped.

To be continued…

[roadtorima-blog]

reading between the signs.

I didn’t “read between the signs” until recently, mostly because i didn’t believe they were signs at all. I honestly don’t know exactly when I stopped doubting the signs i was seeing, but I do remember the first sign that gave me no room to doubt its meaning: what i like to call the “unlikely ladybug.”

but let’s backtrack for a minute. 2015 and 2016 were two of my roughest years. when I say “roughest,” I do not mean that these were overall bad years for me; i am blessed enough to say that I have never experienced an overall bad year - let alone week - in my 24 years living. you might say that the positivity is due to circumstance, but I would argue that it’s equally (if not more so) due to perspective. anyway, I digress...

i went through some things in 2015 and ‘16 that i traumatized and hurt me in ways that i could have never imagined. i believe that i will never go through those things again, but, until recently, i was reliving some of that pain just by virtue of not confronting the remnants of emotions that those experiences left behind. 

i used to think that true liberation and bravery came in the form of transparency and willingness to yell your deepest fears and most hurtful experiences on the highest mountaintop; concurrently, i used to believe that the things i was unable to speak/write about were those same things that had a hold on me, that were unresolved, my kryptonite(s) of sorts. i no longer feel this way about the inextricable correlation between communication and bravery. some things don’t need to be discussed publicly for them to be resolved. some things i can never discuss on this blog out of respect for who and what i represent, but that’s a topic for another blog post.. again (and like i will continue to do so throughout these posts unapologetically) I digress...

long story short, i was “going through it,” and the worst part about it is that I didn’t really want to let myself admit that i was feeling hurt, damaged and less powerful. instead, i sought out activities and behaviors (that soon became habits) that further perpetuated the disconnect i was feeling between me and myself. i was going out, A LOT; avoiding family; avoiding pretty much anything that provoked the deep, critical conversations that I needed to have with myself. i stopped writing. i formed intentionally temporary relationships with people because they helped me forget. i was fighting with the people who cared about me the most. i brought pain and tears to those people because they couldn't understand why i was not confiding in them; why i was "braving” (more like cowering) through this “storm” alone, without even letting them watch through a window. 

i remember my brother talking on the phone to his girlfriend at the time. he thought i was asleep, but i was in one of my moods where i didn’t feel like talking to anyone, so i acted asleep when he walked in my room. he said: “I don’t know what her issue is. My sister has honestly been a mess. Like a serious disaster. She doesn’t care about anything but her students and her friends right now. She’s just in this phase where she’s shutting out the whole family, and i can’t wait until it’s over.” 

i remember crying for an hour after overhearing that conversation. i allowed myself to rationalize it by pretending i was upset that he would be discussing my personal life with someone else, and that i felt betrayed by his words. the truth is that he was right, and it hurt me so much that i was allowing my behavior to make my family feel like i didn’t care about them. it hurt even more because i wasn’t planning on changing anytime soon, so i blocked out the truth behind his words, and convinced myself that i was just upset that he said that.

instead of confronting what was so clearly there, i spent a lot of nights in my room trying to let my rage out in the form of slightly satisfying sob sessions that weren’t loud enough for my parents and younger sister to hear. no follow up. no much needed writing session. no intervention and promise to start acting from a place of self-love. just temporarily cathartic crying sessions to get me through the next day. 

one of these nights was most memorable to me though, and it was the same night of the “unlikely ladybug.” 

i had just had another fight with my parents that resulted in me going to my room, shutting the door and crying. even though i really can’t remember what it was about, it usually was some rendition of my very perceptive parents trying to figure out what the root cause(s) of my disconnected, withdrawn behavior was, and me resisting their attempts to understand and better love/nurture their daughter. 

this time, i was feeling particularly sorry for myself, so i texted my older brother some things about my parents that i knew i didn’t mean, just because it felt good to say those things. something along the lines of “i’m so sick of them and can’t wait to get the hell out of this house and live on my own so i never have to deal with them” (basically my 2015-16 anthem). then, it happened. 

it was the middle of the winter. i mean like January Michigan winter, and this random lady bug came out of nowhere and legit attacked me as soon as i sent that text. i call it the “unlikely ladybug” now because it was in my upstairs bedroom and just so happened to attack me as soon as I sent my text about my parents. i hadn’t seen a ladybug in months. after it attacked me, it flew over to the headboard of the bed, and just stayed there peacefully all night with me. 

i know that in my more doubtful days, i would have read this and been like “okay, so it just so happened to attack you when you really needed to get slapped, and it was in your room during the winter - big deal. stop trying to overanalyze everything.” that’s cool if that’s where you’re at too. but that night, i really couldn’t deny what i was feeling. i felt like the unlikely ladybug was a reminder to me during one of my lowest moments that i need to get my ish together. that the universe (and God) was going to hold me accountable (aka attack me lol) but love me (aka spend the night posted on my headboard) at the same time. 

as cheesy as it may sound, i felt companionship and understanding with that ladybug that night. i felt a remarkable and undeniable attempt to remind me of who i was and who i knew i was becoming. that there was a light at the end of my longest, darkest, most ambiguous tunnels. that i need to hold myself accountable when i do or say anything that counters the “rima” i know i am and the “rima” that i am working to become, because i will do and say those things occasionally. i cried myself to sleep that night because of how overwhelming the sign felt in my space, because of how badly i needed that support, but didn’t want to ask for it from anyone, let alone give it to myself.

today, i feel much happier and connected, and i still see signs almost everywhere i go. now that i’ve opened myself up to their presence and purpose, i have started connecting dots that add so much more meaning to my path. i’m not here to convince you to believe in signs. that the young girl who told me that i’m her #goals the other day in the exact moment i was having negative thoughts about myself and my body image was more than a coincidence. not trying to make you believe that the text message i got last night from my brother asking how i’m doing because he “sensed something” literally as soon as I had an anxiety attack is more than serendipity. 

i’m not really trying to convince you of anything, honestly, i just wanted to share the power in my perspective shift once i started becoming open to the greater purpose behind my interactions with the universe, because it really is a beautiful thing. now that i’m blogging/writing again, i’m going to try to capture some of the signs that i experience, whether subtle or striking, or somewhere in between. the images included in this post are but a few examples that i’ll briefly explain below.

This first sign is actually my most recent; it occurred just yesterday. I was having such an amazing day. I felt especially connected, healthy, loving. I felt like my work, life, relationships, had so much purpose and value. It was just such a great overall day, and i remember that i kept thinking about how great i was feeling all day. as soon as I got to my car, i saw my ladybug friend, and it was a beautiful affirmation. i got to my destination, and she was still on my car. i took her presence to be another reminder that, good or bad, God is there for the ride. i originally posted the picture with “serendipity,” but, i actually don’t think there was anything coincidental about it. 

I saw this “Remember Why You Started” sign during my trip to Toronto last weekend. I had recently started this blog, and was feeling really inspired to continue my #roadtorima brand and explore all of the possibilities that come along with that. but, naturally, with motivation comes mini pockets of doubt, and i believe this sign was a subtle reminder that i’m on to something.

The #RoadToOctober16th calendar was less subtle for me. I came back to my parents’ house to visit and be with my family a couple weeks ago. My father is experiencing some health issues that have had me feeling anxious and scared. I was particularly stressed coming home that day. When I walked into my room (that had recently been cleaned out), someone had taken my calendar off the wall and put it on the dresser. It was the only thing on the dresser, and its contents had been fully erased, except for the #RoadToOctober16th heading. #RoadtoOctober was singlehandedly the starting point of my entire #roadtorima journey, my commitment to better health, self-love, this blog, and pretty much all of the intentional positivity i have in my life right now. #RoadtoOctober extended far past October, but it was the light at the end of a once very dark tunnel. Seeing it was a striking reminder to stay positive, and keep doing what i’m doing.