#i cant stress enough how much this is a result of a stupid/fucked up obsession thats been going on for nearly two years
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#okay well im unwell#this might be long#im so stressed and i dont know how to explain this#i almost tried explaining this to a friend but eventually i didnt bc its so. stupid slash worrying slash. worrying af#basically. yesterday i saw someone i knew. in an unlikely circumstance#and for DAYS before i told myself she was gonna be there and theres no way she wont and shell definitely be there#i cant stress enough how much this is a result of a stupid/fucked up obsession thats been going on for nearly two years#there was LITERALLY NO WAY to know that shell be there at that time and i tried telling myself that#but the thought was still there for genuinely a week? two weeks? more?????#and then she was there. like i walk into the Place and bam she walks in right after i do#PURE COINCIDENCE. I haven't spoken w her in almost a year. it was a random place and a random time and the chances of us both going there#on the same day at the same time is so so. unlikely....#and its been eating at me since i saw her yesterday morning. this really is a LONG obsession and sunday was a hard day and ive been feeling#basically unstable as shit all week since. and now this and i dont know what to think#its not like i have any history of hallucinating shit but this is making me so nervous and i dont have anyone who knows the full story#(like full full story and its a LONG story and its either complicated or just difficult to tell)#that i could talk to and they could talk me out of panicking rn. so im inching ever closer to a panic attack#itd be unreasonable as shit to text her and ask if she was actually there. like theres a billion reasons thatd be a stupid thing to do#but this is really upsetting to me and ive got nothing to do but think it over and over and make myself even more stressed out#the closest ill be able to actually talk to a person about this would be Wednesday and even then it probably wont happen bc id have to#fill them in about the whole story that led to me being super fucking nervous about coincidentally meeting someone somewhere#i might cry
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