#basically none of my emotions are valid but that’s a very good thing

[bodhimcbodeface]

The way my OCD works is I feel like I’m having a strange unknowable crisis and I can’t put words to what I feel but it feels deep and meaningful and hurtful and then I’m like “oh that’s just the weasels, we ignore the weasels” and I’m fine

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Why did Felix hide from LB and CN in S5?

My dear anon, I wish I could provide you with an explanation full of such profound wisdom and clarity that you would speak my name with reverence for years to come. Alas, I cannot because, when viewed as a complete whole, Felix's season five actions make absolutely no sense from any perspective other than, "Well, if he acted logically, then the season would be over in about five episode or, at the very least, Adrien would have learned the truth which would lead to an identity reveal and we can't have that!"

To explain, let's quickly go over the various assumptions one might have made as season five went on and why they all fall flat by the end of the season:

At the start of the season, Felix's hiding away made some sense if you assumed that he was hiding from his uncle. This was a logical assumption since Gabriel should have viewed Felix as a massive threat that must be eliminated. After all, Felix was clearly no fan of Gabriel's and Felix also knew everything one would need to know in order to bring about Gabriel's downfall. None of that actually panned out - Gabriel basically ignored the Felix issue for the entire season in favor of being the world's most obnoxious Adrigami shipper and Felix, well, we're about to get into that- but it was initially a valid assumption.

Continuing along the logical path from our ultimately erroneous fear-of-Gabriel assumption, one might think that a person who was terrified of Gabriel would go straight to Gabriel's enemies for protection. However there was an argument to be made that Felix feared Ladybug and Chat Noir's wrath just as much as he feared his uncle. This was also a fair assumption. Felix had just betrayed them plus, in those early episode, most of us assumed that Felix was going to refuse to make sentimonsters of his own, so he'd have no protection if Ladybug and Chat Noir immediately went on the attack. These assumptions all proved false in the end, but they were all reasonable when the season started.

Another initially valid assumption was the assumption that Felix's ego mania and self-serving world view meant that he only trusted himself to take down Gabriel. After all, past seasons had shown Felix to be clever, resourceful, and deeply devoted to his mother, so it made sense that he'd be working on some brilliant plan to bring his uncle's downfall and restore his aunt if only for love of his mother. You could even add an assumption he even wanted to keep everything quiet for sake of the family image or just a simple desire for personal privacy.

These assumptions and all of the others stopped holding water after Emotion. In that episode, Felix was shown to be fine making sentimonster, fine outing his own secret identity to the world, and fine confronting his uncle directly without a real plan for stopping him long term. The closest thing to a grand plan that we get in Emotion is Felix demanding Ladybug give him her miraculous:

Argos: Ladybug! Good. Now we just need to wait for Cat Noir and you'll both give me your Miraculous! Ladybug: (livid) So that's it then?! You're working for Monarch! You're the reason why I lost the other Miraculous in the first place! And why he took them!! You gave them to him without any regard for the consequences it might have with the people of Paris! Argos: True, except I work for no one.  I only helped Monarch cause it served my plans! I needed the Peacock Miraculous and today I need yours and Cat Noir's so I can make my wish!

But if this was his master plan, then why did he do the Red Moon thing? That took Gabriel by surprise, but it didn't knowingly do the same for Ladybug or Chat Noir. Without knowing their identities, there's no way for Felix to reliably find them during the Red Moon incident since he's snapping everyone he sees out of existence, making it somewhat likely that he'd accidentally snap the very people that he's looking for. You can't even go the snap-everyone-and-look-through-what-remains-to-find-the-miraculous route because he snaps the person and all of their accessories, too. Otherwise he could have snapped Gabriel and gotten all the miraculouses back in one go, then grabbed the Ladybug miraculous as a fun little bonus.

In other words, everything about the Red Moon plan was focused around making a big, flashy entrance for Agros and little else. It's not even focused on stopping Gabriel since Felix doesn't seem to have planned to snap everyone away long term or at least I think that's what's going on here?

Kagami: Happy? When there's no one left?? Adrien: How can I be happy without my friends, without my father, without the girl I love?! Argos: You really think I'm that evil? (goes to open the trash bin where he hid Marinette...) Ta-da! (...only to find it empty; Adrien and Kagami peek inside, too) Huh? That's weird. (snaps his fingers in hopes of bringing back Marinette) Huh?! I don't understand! (backs away from the trash bin) She should come back! (continues to snap his fingers) Something's wrong! I can usually bring back whoever I want, but it's like she's nowhere! Like she's completely gone! (apologetically) I'm sorry, Adrien! Kagami: Sorry? You're sorry?!?! Adrien: You're not even in control of your own power! Don't you realize what you've done? Bring everyone back! NOW!!! Argos: Okay, okay, alright. I never meant to hurt you two...

Well that was anticlimactic....

Note how Felix doesn't take this opportunity to explain the danger his fellow sentimonsters are in before bringing back the people holding their remote controls? And what about his mother? Did he snap away his mother, too? And did he initially plan to perma snap everyone or not? If not, then what was the goal here?

This episode is confusing and could even be argued as a single, giant plot hole because it reads like a mental breakdown episode, but it's also a meticulously planned attack that was hinted at all the way back in Multiplication. So which was it? What was the master plan here? What's going on? Did the writers seriously do all that Felix stuff back in season four without fully thinking through how to make that work in season five?

After the mess that is Emotion, Felix basically gives up on whatever he was supposedly doing in Emotion. There's no master plan to stop Gabriel or make the world-changing wish or anything interesting. Instead, Felix is just there to be Kagami's Adrien replacement. Much like Adrien, Felix has no motive beyond "date the pretty girl and do whatever she asks of me." I guess it's a family trait.

One would think that this would lead to Felix making some interesting new plan to stop Tomoe or even joining forces with Ladybug and Chat Noir since he knows that Tomoe is in on whatever Gabriel is doing (Kagami wouldn't exist otherwise), but that's not what happens. We don't even get Felix going full senti's only because Adrien is left in the dark, a fact that doesn't seem to bother Felix or Kagami. They're too busy being in love to actually do anything to back the nonsense claim that they care about Adrien, but it's hard to blame them when it is so glaringly not their fault.

Letting these two have the sort of active role that would make sense for their characters would ruin the story the writers are trying to tell. We'd probably never get that whole "girl power" Bug Noire thing the show wanted to end the season with because Gabriel would have been stopped way sooner. It would also mean that Adrien knows things and the show can't allow that to happen even if it makes everyone involved look like massive tools. Let this be a reminder to you that you have to let your characters shape the path your story takes. If a character knowing X ruins plot Y, then you can't have both.

In summary, Felix's actions initially made some sense depending on your point of view, but as soon as he became a real part of season five, his character stopped making any sense. The reason for this seems obvious to me: you cannot write Felix logically while also actively including him in the show, keeping Adrien in the dark, keeping Gabriel a threat, and keeping Felix from flat out winning because the peacock is so ridiculously over powered. They wrote themselves into a corner and dumbed Felix down to get around the fact the same way Alya got dumbed down to make the Lila stuff work and Nathalie got dumbed down to make Gabriel's plot work. These writers aren't consistent at writing things like lore or characters, but they are incredibly consistent at the type of bad writing they have to fall back on. Expect to see more of these issues in the future.

[karuvapatta]

buckle up, I'm gonna bitch about Arcane season 2 for a while.

disclaimer: the animation and art direction is absolutely stellar, writing and voice acting is mostly solid, music ranges from good to amazing, sound design is great, and it's a great show overall.

HOWEVER:

There were so many interesting subplots and ideas, but not one of them had enough room to breathe or time to develop organically.

(spoilers under cut)

Caitlyn - I love the subplot about her becoming a fascist dictator and Ambessa's pupil, I really do. But then it sort of fizzled? She faced no repercussions for installing a police state and using chemical weaponry against civilians? The last one got to me especially - her mother built this system claiming that "the people of Undercity deserve to breathe" and Caitlyn then turned it against them. Okay, Vi and Jinx both called her out and it left to her rift with Vi, but... she's still in charge at the end, having seemingly learned no lessons?

Vi - uh, she was there. Sort of. Most of the time. Again, she joined the Enforcers, and it led to SOME conflict, but... is she going back to being an Enforcer? how does she feel about that? Who knows - Vi was mostly there for Cait and Jinx's subplots than her own.

Jinx - her subplot with Sevika and Isha was my second favourite thing about this season. The idea of her becoming a symbol and uniting Zaun is great. That little moment in the prison was awesome. But, ultimately - it didn't amount to much. Her sacrificing her life for Vi (or not, I don't know if she actually dies) didn't hit as much because we already knew she was actively suicidal.

Isha - had the potential to be super annoying, but like I said, I ended up really liking her character. Her death rubbed me the wrong way, however - it was very emotional, but the framing was very strange. Were we supposed to find it inspirational? Tragic but beautiful? Proof that Jinx isn't irredeemable?

Sevika - again: loved her, loved her interactions with Jinx and Isha.

Silco - I found it weird how this season consistently framed him as a good guy. Jinx and Sevika remember him fondly, he was the only thing holding Zaun together, there are cute flashbacks / AU versions of him and Vander being happy... he's a complex character and we love him for it, but let's not forget his many, many crimes.

Singed - kinda weird that he got what he wanted with no repercussions.

Mel - all right, her subplot bothered me perhaps most of all. Mel is a joy every time she's on screen, true, but last season she had been established as a savvy politician and businesswoman, motivated by her mommy issues, and a corrupting presence on Jayce. She pushed for progress at all costs to fulfil her own ambitions and prove something to her mother. That's a great setup! But what we got in s2 is... random superpowers out of nowhere. Mel always had power - she was the richest woman in Pilltover and basically ran its Council - but now instead of confronting her with the potential side-effects of Hextech, the consequences of her ambitions, and the futility of proving herself to her abusive warmongering mother, she just gets... more power. Out of nowhere. And validation from Ambessa. It was just weird.

Jayce and Viktor - easily the most compelling part of this season, and my favourite subplot. And STILL - it felt rushed and incoherent. I thought at first that Viktor would become jealous and resentful because Jayce is everything that he isn't, and I am honestly so glad they didn't take that route. But instead, Viktor gets... brainwashed by the Hexcore I guess? Ascends to a higher plane of existence? His Jesus Days and his cults were fascinating, but I didn't get the philosophy behind them at all. I can see why Viktor would want to shed his physical body for a machine that has none of its weakness, and how he might convince others to follow that path, but instead he chose to brainwash his followers and then assimilate the entire human race? What? There were so, so many potential sources of conflict between himself and Jayce - the Hextech weaponry Jayce built, Pilltover's fascist takeover of the Undercity, Jayce reviving him against his will and not destroying the Hexcore, accidentally poisoning Ekko's tree through their irresponsible use of Hextech... but the conflict we got didn't built on any of that. And I don't understand why.

(But I get you, Jayce/Viktor shippers. You won this round.)

[destinygoldenstar]

*Been crying for a good ten minutes*

*Like, ACTUALLY CRYING*

Every time...

EVERY DAMN TIME...

This makes me cry EVERY TIME.

THIS was the EXACT moment of the show that I realized there was something special about this show.

The show don't tell of watching the funeral play out, and she rewrites her nightmare upon realization that she is not alone in this world and these people will be there to help her and save her from ending herself... and the idea gives her a simple, quiet, genuine smile...

I'M STILL NOT DONE CRYING.

The following is VERY personal and heavy, please read at your own risk:

...I had a support person once.

Growing up, I was pretty badly abused and hurt by my schools, by both kids and adults who would constantly make me feel unsafe and hurt me, and say to my face that I am worthless, undesirable, unloved, unwanted, and that I would go nowhere in life.

We moved states for plenty of reasons, but one of them was because of how bad it got for me. And the thing was, I had somebody there who I was chasing after. The one person who I felt really understood me, and loved me, and would never hurt me. She was always there for me when I needed her. To help me see how good I actually was, and how I had a life that was worth it.

But... she was sick for ten years... nothing ever got better. It was a stream of illness after illness, and nothing got better. And that kind of life can take a heavy toll on someone's mental state.

And it changed her for the worst, where she eventually became unrecognizable. Every day was an emotional meltdown. Eventually she started glorifying masking and internalized becoming stoic and calculating as a proper way to live. None of my claims otherwise worked. Then it was even more frequent thoughts of death and pain, and vents to me cause I was trusted to handle it. Eventually I couldn't because it was putting a dent on me.

And then she took a step too far and violated me...

When I spoke out about how I couldn't take it anymore, she turned on me. Harassment after harassment, all rants about how bad of a person I was. I was toxic. I was a brat. I was a coward. I was going to live miserably forever. I was not loved. I was not wanted. My FACE made me an unpleasant being.

...basically validating that my abusers in my childhood were correct. My own support person during that time confirmed it.

Either way, she was abstracted. She was gone.

I've kept my distance from the rest of my friends since the betrayal. And I've been getting support. You know, I try to distract myself with my college life and work, and my dumb little online persona, but... you know, deep down, I'm struggling quite a bit to cope... losing someone like that hurts... strikes you to your core.

To have your feelings of depression and anxiety and attempts to cope be labeled as 'cowardly' and 'immature' by your own loved ones is...

Yeah. This is all the more reason why this made me cry again. Because knowing I lost the person who would catch me when I fell. Instead she let me fall, and called me worthless.

It's something I want nobody to go through.

I went through it. Nobody should be dragged with me. I know that much.

And you know what? I am looking ahead. Despite it all.

I have my friends in college. I have my job and my co-workers, all of whom love and care for me. Because unlike most places to work, we actually take into consideration our worker's mental health and treat them like family. And I've also forgiven my family for the most part. They are making a decent effort of redemption to understand me better.

And I'm grateful to have all of them as I step into a new chapter of my life.

This show has helped me, and it's been there for me during all of this heartbreak and loss. As well as my struggles being heard and validated.

I thought for awhile it was her. But it ended up not being.

It was this show.

So, Gooseworx, I hope you know that when you said you wanted to give people a reason to live through your show, you succeeded.

[bobbydagen24]

comparing Brother Bear with TBT since their Both movies about Brotherhood and also Brother Bear just Randomly popped into my head again today.

I've loved Brother Bear for years I think its a very underrated Disney movie with nice songs cute characters and a cute story.

and I randomly started thinking about it earlier and then started comparing it to TBT since their both strongly focused on Brotherhood.

and I realised that for some reason Brother Bear doesn't bother me as much as TBT does even tho it technically has many of the same faults.

it Rushes over the interesting character Drama and it Rushes a conclusion to said Drama between the Brothers at the end.

like the scene in the main film of Kenai confessing to Koda is still fairly sad but its massively undercut by having the song play over it.

the deleted version of that scene where the song doesn't play and we get to hear the full version of Kenai's confession and Koda's reaction is available on youtube and its way more heart-breaking imo.

which I guess is why they didn't go with that version since it would have maybe been a bit too much for young kids.

but the movie also employs the gimmick of having the brothers come back together in the end to fight off a life threatening enemy and all is seemingly forgiven between them straight away afterwards.

I guess one reason why BB doesn't bother me as much as TBT is that Kenai actually grows throughout the film despite wronging Koda in a massive way.

and Koda forgiving him too quickly in the ending is not as bothersome because we didn't see Kenai mistreat him the entire film up until the point he found out.

and he didn't then proceed to hurt him again in arguably just as bad a way as he did before like Bro zone did.

instead Kenai did grow in the film and he and Koda already had a healthy relationship prior to the reveal and later confession.

plus what they had throughout the film was genuine sibling banter it wasn't one sided like Bro zone's interactions were with Branch where it was basically just them treating him like a kid and not taking his Valid feelings seriously.

and when Kenai confesses to Koda he's a lot more openly remorseful and tries to go after him to make things right Bro zone just get a brief 4 second shot of them feeling bad and then the movie moves on.

not to mention the climax of BB involves Kenai making a sacrifice for Koda first off he puts his own life in danger in order to save him from his Brother Denahi. and at the very end he makes a big sacrifice ( staying as a Bear so he can stay with him even tho it means leaving behind his human life and not being able to openly communicate with his family )

which somewhat works as an act of love and redemption whereas the climax of TBT involves Bro zone being forced to work together in order to save their own lives as well as the life of the Bro who none of them wronged all that much tbh.

it doesn't really work as a first step towards them redeeming themselves and fixing their family because its kinda selfish and it didn't involve them really making any sort of personal sacrifice or even that much effort.

ya know its funny I just thought I'd make this post as a Random little thought since that's all this was I didn't actually expect to talk in depth and compare the movies stories this much lol.

I just started typing and got carried away 😂😂😂😂😂😂

anyway in short I love Brother Bear its a very adorable film and while its far from perfect in how it handles its story its flaws don't stop me from enjoying it.

since it still handled the more important parts of the story well enough.

unlike with Trolls 3 best thing I can say about it is that the movie version of "" Better Place "" is a legit great little song and frankly its too good for this film.

the story didn't earn such an emotional music piece in my opinion.

[riah-yorke-lex]

Spoilers for Sonic Prime, like all of it.

^^^^^^^^^^

Sonic has ADHD and Nine has autism.

I mean I know the regular headcanons for Sonic and Tails are already there, but hear me out.

Neurodivergent people have trouble communicating a lot of times and miscommunicate.

Btw I have both, so I’m just speaking from my own experience.

Both characters are flawed. Sonic has lost his entire home and friends. Nine never really had friends and prefers to be alone.

Anyone who wants to say Nine is a villain can leave my page.

It’s a kid’s show, and Nine is the second most important character. The writers won’t kill him off or make him pure evil. Sonic will make up with everyone and find ways to save everyone in the end. Sorry to ruin suspense, but it is a kids show. I’m not saying that means it can’t have awesome character arcs. (ATLA has awesome character arcs, betrayal and redemption + lots of dark elements, but none of the main characters DIED)

Nine will probably cause something bad to happen in his rage, constructing something dangerous with the shards or he’ll cause the entire council to come after him, or both. Nine might cause something bad to happen and then feel guilty and help Sonic. If sonic can find a solution that doesn’t destroy those living in the shatter spaces, then Nine would probably come around. I don’t think Sonic realizes the consequences of his actions.

And that’s just the thing. Sonic jumps into every situation without thinking it through, something which irritates everyone around him. Meanwhile, Nine is incredibly methodical and thoughtful in his approach. Nine is driven by LOGIC while Sonic is driven by EMOTIONS. Not to say Nine doesn’t have emotions and can’t lose control, as we will likely see in S3. However, it’s generally how their brains work.

Sonic is gullible and falls into lots of traps. He isn’t all that smart. He’s good at thinking on his feet, but he often doesn’t think before he leaps into something. Shadow did mention about how the people in the shatterspaces aren’t real or whatever. He means that if they just put the prism back together, all those variants will cease to exist since they are all just different parts of the originals. Sonic sees them as real people though, and wants to help them, but he also desperately wants his reality back. He doesn’t realize that Nine would likely cease to exist if he simply put the prisms together. This would devastate sonic if he found out.

Nine is very rational in his actions. He doesn’t feel he can trust anyone as he has been traumatized by the world he grew up on. He longs for a place of solitude, a place he can go to whenever he needs to be away from everyone. He’s rather sit in his own head with his inventions. He wants Sonic to join him here because Sonic is the first friend he ever had. He intentionally doesn’t tell Sonic everything, because he has thought this through. He hopes Sonic will see his side and see him as a real person and not just another version of Tails. Sonic has an issue of projecting his vision of Tails onto Nine. He does it because he misses Tails. I know Sonic, DOES respect Nine as his own person, but Nine does not understand that, and Sonic, not thinking before he speaks, says something hurtful. Nine can come across as selfish, but all he wants is a safe place. As a neurodivergent person, that is so relatable. Sonic’s safe place is Green Hill, and he wants its back. From what we know (although I’m sure they’ll find a solution where everyone can live, again, it’s a kids show), those two things cannot coexist. If Sonic realizes this, he’ll realize he has to sacrifice his shatterapace friends to get Green Hill back, and is that a good thing after all? Nine is scared for his life basically, as he might not exist anymore. It’s a very valid fear.

They didn’t communicate their needs to each other because they were in the middle of fighting the council and didn’t have time to think it through, plus Sonic is impatient and also bad at communicating.

Nine is NOT a villain. He’s a traumatized autistic kid who has trouble thinking with other people’s needs in mind. Sonic wants to help EVERYONE, even people he doesn’t like much like Dread and Shadow, but he doesn’t consider the wider consequences of his actions.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[dainobones]

Red at Dainisa High School is such a fun idea! What would everybody's dainisa powers be?

thanks for the validation of my terrible niche time consuming idea lmfao

honestly i'm not sure!!!! dainisa can use magic in a variety of ways if they know how to channel it, but most of them don't ever learn to do that bcuz of [gestures at the whole broken diaspora community deliberately deprived of their cultural heritage and knowledge. thing.] so usually when i think about dainisa-in-pokemon, i think it'd be fun for them and their pokemon to kinda bounce powers off each other? like a dainisa may have an innate fire magic ability but through their bond with their greninja they can use water magic. and vice versa. and i think that'd make team rocket's exploitation of pokemon all the worse -- it's meant to be this loving friendship bond and here's giovanni being like "mewtwo and i hate each other so much it gives me telekinesis"

all that to say i'm not set on all these ideas but my initial thoughts are like. informed by x-men and elves (which is what dainisa basically are) and vibes. here's some concepts for some characters:

red = the sun. but he's gotta grow into all that power. he'd start off just being able to talk to pokemon, maybe some healing, but he'd be really bad at a lot of the sensory stuff nova was really good at (i.e. he can't sense magic that well). silent trilogy was a lot of 'seeing the sun through distortion' so it'd be good to write the opposite of that.

gold = venus guided. i think i want him to be kinda like an airbender, that seems like it'd have a lot of dynamic fun things that go well with his whole billiards playing sk8r boi schtick

black = mercury guided. i kinda like the idea of him having fire & electric magic, cos both are things you can easily lose control over and be very anxious about, and also cos well. Reshiram and Zekrom.

N = jupiter guided. he'd have empathy and some precognition. he's peak 'being able to sense someone's emotions doesn't mean you understand them'.

green = mars guided. i want the oaks to be known for nature / plant magic (hence. name.), and i think i want it to be like. green's dad is jyju (translation: elf royalty) but prof oak's renounced the whole system of rule, what will green do??? in which case i wonder if making green a technopath who has little exposure to technology would be something.

blue = everyone's like "??? a siren???" and no she's just manipulating you. i think teleporting would be good but it may make her too OP, crow hotfire was super nerfed by those bitch angels. maybe she's just got magical pickpocketing. is that something? i think i'm running out of somethings.

silver = ice magic. it's no deeper than that. do not ask any questions. leave him alone.

ash ketchum = super strength. and aura powers. it's canon. like i'd plan for every single episode of the anime (95% of which i havent seen) to be canon stuff that happened to ash like 10 years ago. he's red's super cool cousin who red wants to be just like.

steven stone = uh..... rocks. he has a son named jon, he's pretty whiny.

and of course giovanni = the moon. he has no innate magic of his own, and his body can store magic but can't produce it. he can only use magic if he steals it from others, only it doesn't work very well or last for long -- unless he steals it from the sun...........

i have a bunch of other small stuff in mind too, like. i LOVE Kieran and Carmine, what if they're half-dainisa half-human and Carmine has some cool magic but Kiki got none??? can i make Kiki's breakdown worse???? or what if Bede is also an empath and N meets him and is like "wow this guy sucks so bad it's making me realise things about myself". or Gladion being able to control shadows with his twisted emo mind.

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY:

there's a thing in transformers lore that starscream has what basically amounts to a "mutated soul" and therefore cannot die. there are no other documented cases of mutated souls it's just a starscream thing. i want that for volo. people think he can't die bcuz he messed with giratina and time and arceus or w/e but no his soul was just made wrong and now nobody, not even god, can destroy it.

thanks for indulging me through all this rambling anon i have no idea if i will ever write this but it's fun to think about!!!!

[smile-files]

i'm not going to fucking tell you which mutual i am but if you think the israeli hostages deserve to be free as well then i'm breaking the mutual. this is your warning

um i'm sorry, i don't mean to be rude, but...

i am entirely against israel on every front and i believe everything they're doing is absolutely disgusting, cruel, and repulsive.

but that doesn't mean i think civilians deserve to be separated from their families...

i'm not saying that what the israeli hostages have gone through is any way comparable to what palestinian hostages have gone through... i was just very briefly noting that israelis/jews are allowed to be happy that they're safe/their loved ones are safe, but that they should still be aware that their country is still doing horrendous things to palestinians and that their hearts should still be with the palestinian hostages, no matter what happiness/relief they themselves are currently feeling.

i'm genuinely sorry if i made you think i was on israel's side in any way. by no means am i on their side. but if i'm being honest i'm kinda icked out that you think that innocent civilians (in any context) deserve to be held hostage... nobody should have to go through anything like that. nobody deserves that. um.

and honestly i'm kinda bothered how you're making it seem as if i'm suddenly being zionist, when i'm not? i really hope it doesn't make me a subscriber to a certain cause to think that people are allowed to be happy when they're allowed to go back to their families? is that not the most basic sort of sympathy we're supposed to have?

anyway, without a doubt, from the river to the sea, palestine will be free. i have tried to make a statement to my jewish peers that we should not just be caring about ourselves and our family members, that the atrocities happening to palestine should be our heart's top priority -- that is what i was trying to get at in that reblog. i'm sorry if i have not made my stance clear. brief sympathy towards the everyday people who have been mildly hurt is in no way trumping my resounding sympathy towards the everyday people who have been and still are horribly hurt. because i am jewish and unfortunately surrounded by zionists, a lot of what i say will inevitably fall into the camp of "trying to make my fellow jews sympathize with palestinians and stop being so self-centered"; i am by no means trying to validate their cruel, callous self-centeredness, either in acknowledging their happiness regarding the freedom israeli hostages (who may well be their loved ones -- why, i have relatives in israel) or otherwise. i am trying to break down their self-centeredness, and that will never happen if i invalidate the emotions they justifiably feel

(and none of this is to say that gaza isn't allowed to retaliate, either -- it's just that those who end up getting caught up in that don't deserve the situation they've been brought into more than anyone else. i know, it isn't a war, and the power imbalance is massive, but in any event this sort of conflict necessarily harms innocent people on both sides. i'm not trying to pull a card of "why is nobody thinking of the israelis, wah wah", because i know israel has done far worse to palestinians. but we must recognize that these israelis are people, and people's loved ones, and it does us no good to make those people think we want them all dead. that certainly won't change their minds, if they are indeed zionists.)

i'm incredibly sorry for upsetting you. if you feel like breaking the mutual, it is your right. i'm sure you've been a lovely mutual to have, and i hope you have a great day/night, anon

[c0pernicus]

I feel like I never really see people talk about just how bad the long term effects of prolonged abuse, or C-PTSD can really be in people, especially young people, and I wish it was talked about more.

I pretty much never talk about my own experiences for safety reasons, because I would always receive a whole mess if I did choose to try and tell others what I went through, and maybe that's what has made my experience with C-PTSD so bad, but its genuinely so debilitating.

The burn out, the exhaustion, the body aches and horrible sleep schedules and inability to maintain a job because my emotions and brain had really never recovered even years- half a decade- after everything stopped. The digestive issues, the memory problems, the entire lack of a sense of identity and self. The lack of want to put effort into my identity and self.

I feel like I'm chronically searching for someone that's supposed to be me. Constantly, I'm stuck now trying to validate a sense of self I no longer possess. Old passions, old hobbies, old things I liked and enjoyed- It feels like I've been stripped down to bone and nothing sticks anymore. If I have an interest it's very fleeting and I usually will drop it once I find I start to enjoy it, as if its been so heavily ingrained in my brain that peace and happiness and to just enjoy things isn't something I'm allowed. I've become incapable of thinking anything even neutral about myself at this point. I don't believe nearly anything anyone else says to me, and I feel very passive towards others in general if I'm not terrified of them instead. I lack friends and connections, and I constantly hide away from others.

I'm constantly frozen. I can't function on even a basic level if someone else is present in my home; I have to be doing what they're doing, or engaged in some way with what they're doing (Watching, observing, next to them at the very least and quietly doing something unobtrusive) or I can't do anything at all. If I am left alone I'm riddled with anxiety and my mood plummets, my intrusive thoughts are constant and like a horrible movie montage I can't turn off. Trying to lay down and sleep is no better, for years I've been stuck having to just occupy my brain until I pass out.

It's a constant ghost I just can't seem to exorcise from myself. No amount of trying to forgive or forget or let go or move on or accept has made a pebbles difference in the mountain I'm stuck under. I forget everything and anything except for what caused all of this; my wife and friend constantly cut me off to tell me that they've already heard what I'm telling from before from my own mouth, and they I know there are times where they let me continue like it's the first time I've ever told them the fact or the story and I'm simply none-the-wiser. I can't remember things I've done, things I need to do, events or recent days even. I feel stupid and airheaded on the best days, and I know it shows to others because they've told me before.

Work is hard because of the anxiety, the agoraphobia, the memory problems, the health problems. I'm sick constantly; I can't eat or retain food, I have the flu, I've caught Covid for the 8th time despite trying to be good about cleanliness when I leave the house and return. I can't eat a lot of food without being in pain, with it going right through me or sitting like a rock in my stomach for several days. My joints ache more often, my muscles are sore, my traps are solid to a concerning degree from the daily stress of just living with it all. I can't remember the last time my eyes weren't sunken in and purple-blue.

Therapists have only wanted to slap me with a diagnosis and an array of medications- none of which have worked. I've been told it's depression, it's anxiety, it's PTSD, it's bi-polar, it's BPD, it's psychotic depression, it's schizoaffective, it's DID. The DID one threw me for a loop, I'm not going to lie, but the rest were believable enough. I don't look at my medical charts anymore, so I don't know what I have or haven't been branded with by now. The meds and talk therapy never help, I never feel release, I don't believe words anymore- especially from strangers. The meds make the brain fog worse, or I feel numb, or people don't like the person I've become, or my self harming gets much worse, or I just want to kill myself enough to really try to.

Stress tips me over the edge so easily. The hallucinations suck and I resent them. They're a one way ticket to being unemployed and unfunctional for potentially months at a time, and it's humiliating after the fact as well. The last time I had a bad episode I believed there was a man living in my closet, and I couldn't go inside of it. I would hear him moving around inside, he'd yell and get so angry if you opened the door. I've thankfully forgotten the name I gave him; it was something stupid for sure.

I've become a miserable ghost, and I don't see any light at the end of the long tunnel. There is no way back to my body. I'm just lost and wandering and witnessing but never participating. It hurts the most to think of how I was before too many things piled up; the passion and the drive and the creativity. Always making something, always doing something, there was always some project or plan or thing I was doing that I felt pride for. I didn't care if I was weird to others, because I was confident in myself.

I just lay down now, when I can. I do my dishes and my laundry, I try to shower when it doesn't make me nauseous to. I take care of my cats and I work jobs infrequently. I sit with my parents disappointment in who I've become like it's an old friend, and we share coffee and reveries.

I exist, begrudgingly. That is the only thing I try to take pride in now.

[hipsofsteel]

experiencing thoughts i just need to write down

in the intro/advanced playwriting combo class today, there was a gentleman who had a short piece about a 90 year old father who was no longer safe to be at home and what i have to assume was at least a mid-fifties son who is acting as primary caretaker while not living in the house

the father has refused to move into a care home, and the core of the piece was basically an argument that the son and father are having where the father insists hes absolutely fine and safe to be trusted driving, taking his own meds (whichs hes forgotten to do three days in a row), and having nightly fires in his house's fireplace.

the son is so frustrated with his father not even trying to take care of himself ("i set alarms on your phone so you'd remember to take your meds" "i wont use a phone you young people are too addicted to them, besides im fine after three days without them, i don't need them").

its clear that if there was a semblance of a good relationship ever existing between the father and son, it died when the son's mother went to the grave before her husband.

our professor was like "you can really sympathize with both men at different points in the narrative, especially since the son is being so aggressive at moments with his father", and all the class agreed.

except me, although i didn't say SHIT in class, because i was not ready to explain my emotions and years of trauma to eleven people randomly today

CONTINUED BELOW THE READ MORE

There is one aspect I can sympathize with. The loss of autonomy is terrifying to me in old age. on that, I felt for the father. its hard to go from family breadwinner to unable to move around your own home very safely, and being encouraged to give up even more autonomy by moving into a care home.

however, the class kept saying the son was being so aggressive and clearly something unrelated in his life was stressing him and he was taking it out on his father.

and all i could think was "none of you have incredibly emotionally abusive parents, do you?"

now, thats just an assumption im making. i don't know these people's home lives and familial relationships. but let me just say, i heard myself in that son. so loudly that i sent my sister a message we've sent each other over and over for years

"I hope dad dies before mom."

my dad's mother is still alive, and currently in a care home for the last eighteen months. she had a favorite son who could do no wrong among her five children. she also had a least favorite son who she, after the death of her husband, emotionally abused the shit out of.

that least favorite son was my dad.

my dad, even before his father's death, was emotionally abusive. and im so used to this bullshit from him that like, a part of me doesn't even consider him THAT emotionally abusive. yet this is a man who told me when i was in grade school that if i was crying about being bullied, then i deserved to be bullied. WHEN HIS FATHER WAS STILL ALIVE

so, since 2009, when my grandfather died, my father has taken out every frustration his mother shoved on him onto my sister and me. and my mother has repeatedly told us to swallow our tongues. we cant defend ourselves because "your grandma is really upsetting him, and he just needs to blow off steam"

i was repeatedly told my emotions were not as valid as his.

this was repeated when he became an alcoholic. i had a standing recommendation for therapy from the trauma he was giving me over my entire life, and mom said "you cant go to therapy until your dad gets sober". and the sad thing is, i feel like the last major lull in my dad's emotional abuse was when he WAS drinking. sometimes, i fucking miss those days, even though I had to act like a primary caretaker to him during those days.

my mother even to this day describes my father as "her cross to bear", but every occupant of this house is bearing him, and it makes me so mad because again, its saying "your emotions don't matter"

in the play scene, after the father all but forces his son to admit that taking care of him is a stressful burden by all but shoving the words into his mouth, the father openly throws in his sons face "oh, if im such a burden, why do you keep caring for me?" and the son goes "because i promised my mother i would, and YOU taught me promises meant something." and the father goes "well, clearly not. you don't give a shit about promises if you wont let me live how i want to live"

and that filled me with such deep seated rage, because my classmates kept saying how you could tell the son had something UNRELATED going on in his life to make him yell at his father the way he was, and i was internally screaming "THIS FATHER IS MY FATHER AND THE SON IS ME AND ITS NOT UNRELATED, ITS YEARS OF BUILDING RESENTMENT AS YOU'RE TREATED LIKE GARBAGE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN"

there is so much hate and love fused together in my soul at the man i call father already. so much resentment and anger that has to live alongside the rarer and rarer moments he shows me kindness and compassion. and if he lives as long as his mother has managed, i have over 30 more years of this anger to build on.

my grandmother has never apologized to my father, and her memory's so bad now that i know she never will. and I know my father will do the same to me. he treats all the other residents of the house like hysteric harpies who should never be listened to because we're just dumb emotional women. when my grandmother dies, my father will not be able to say anything nice at her funeral. i, at age 25, already know i will not be able to say anything nice at his.

and now, im left holding the bag that this piece dredged up out of my soul. its ugly, and screaming, and i was unprepared to look at it today despite 100% knowing it was there and looking at it before. and yet, there it is. dumped back into my lap once more.

and im left with one terrible prayer, a sort of inevitable conclusion

I hope my dad dies before my mom.

[astranite]

vent post because I am a mess and i've just got to stick it all somewhere. I don't even know what or why I'm putting it here. Just there is way too much inside my head.

(trying to stick all of my intensely personal bullshit under a cut)

Just a whole pile of stuff. (this isnt even the half of it). A whole bunch of things I thought i was okay about but maybe I'm really not. And that maybe my whole scale of okayness is kinda fucked up. And i seem to randomly swing from telling myself this is fine to no wait its all pretty fucked up. Basically that meme of the dog in the on fire house going this is fine. Welcome to everything is on fire but we're not freaking out about it because we're past that point. But sometimes it feels honestly okay and then something else hits.

Nothing in my life is even that bad. I'm getting my shit together. Its probably better than it has been in a while (or maybe its not, i dont know). I'm making positive progress towards the future. I drafted a job application. I'm trying to unfuck my tertiary studies. I literally keep telling myself I'm an adult, even though I feel like a fuck up kid still.

I just want to move the hell out. So I'm making steps towards it. Not because its bad, bad. More conflicting access needs I guess. And I feel trapped here and on guard and responsible for everything. Or Im just a problem or have problems because clearly everyone else is fine but that's probably not a great way to think.

Not sure what I'm feeling right now. Actually mostly just numb and vaguely ill. Yay for crushing down all your emotions until you can't feel them any more. Because, yeah, I can't be upset about things. It scares and worries people and I'm already way too intense.

And when I do it, i seem calm and fine to people, and hey neither crying nor panicking has be a good thing. Except I'm blank when I know I'm upset or would be, and its not fine. Honestly probably a bit messed up. Huh.

(I know its not good for me. I am so very aware of this) (i know hiding stuff is literally one of my biggest 'things are getting bad' red flags)

I'd probably be way more okay if I was crying and yelling and getting mad about stuff. Instead of just quietly, calmly imploding. Or walking around and smiling and acting normal. (its only sometimes, not all the time. And just happens to be right now)

Also past shit keeps metaphorically walking up to me, and maybe I didn't process it great. because its evidently still bothering me even though its years ago.

(Yes, realising some of this stuff was a That moment when you're writing and you realise that wow character has a whole bunch of issues. Then that was at least 50-70% me.)

I do keep picking myself up from the floor over and over because I'm too stubborn not to.

Also: I'm so sick of being misgendered by family. Like they do support me and are trying with different pronouns. But getting it right barely any of the time. And if I call them out on it to correct them, then they get upset. So I just have to put up with it silently, and yeah, she's trying, so I feel like I can't be upset about it but it still hurts, and maybe its not good enough. And I don't even know whether I could change my name, at least not without upsetting peopl, I've been told "please don't change you name, I like your name" but I don't even know if it feels like me. It's like people are supportive, but being nonbinary or trans or anything isn't actually a valid option. They/them isn't that hard if you practice it and even if it is it's still very much important to me. And none of them think of me as such which is maybe the problem. Except my friends, who actually do get it right which is nice.

I guess I'm struggling. And also all my friends and family have way too much of their own stuff going on.

So stupid vent post yelling into the void, it is then. Maybe I'm just being dramatic about it all.

I'd say I'm okay and don't worry (if anyone's even fucking reading this) but that would probably be more concerning. But I'll survive this like I survived every other fucking thing the universe has thrown at me.

(and I will and have asked for help, so stuff is at least sort of getting sorted, because this is not my first mental health rodeo.)

[humaninpogresss77]

Honestly? I am quite conflicted.

Spoilers for One Piece in general.

First of all this is my own opinion, if you disagree with me is ok and I don't intent to make your opinion less valid than mine; I am just working my own thoughts.

For me is a solid 7/10; which is way more than what I was expecting to be honest. The show is not perfect by all means but it really shows how much the cast and everyone involves loves the source material and tried their best to create something unique that still respects the source material.

No, it didn't break the curse of live actions neither is the best live action of an anime ever created. That title is still held by the Rurouni Kenshin movies that I hope people ignore rightfully because of the awful crimes of the mangaka and not because of ignorance; but still, the live action is a good example that shows is possible to make something good of an anime even the anime is wanky.

When it lands? the live action is pretty good; but what I failed to understand how to explain, because is not miss or fail but changed in a way I am not sure it works properly really affects the narrative.

Those changes really affected the layers of stories and characterization Oda should be praised for.

I am almost convinced Jacob is the best actor to play Usopp, but they butchered my boy so much I don't even know how to feel about him. He was so out of what Usopp is that like someone mentioned in another post, if you deleted Usopp from the Syrup village episodes nothing really changed.

His decision of leaving is something super important for his growth and at the end Luffy and Zoro inviting him shows the connection they got.

In here, he was almost forced to live, keeping his interest just to stay with Kaya.

Same goes with Nojiko and Genzo not knowing Nami's plan. Even so, they basically destroyed the meaning of Genzo in Nami's life.

Some changes doesn't make sense if you think to much about the manga or anime but it fits in the world, like Garp been in Roger's execution, been interest of catching Luffy(when he showed up on post enies lobby just because Coby and Helmeppo wanted to see Luffy) and his blatant obsession over the world government.

None of that really fits Garp at all, and I was honestly doubting this decision(even more when we focus so much in the marines this early on the story) until we learned at the end that he just don't want Luffy to end like Roger.

Is a way to pay homage to Garp's respect to Roger even if they were enemies. At the end I was like oh okay this kinda works, but during the majority of the episodes I was super lost with this.

There's another thing that I am completely aware is just my own opinion is that something I really appreciate Oda for doing that we don't see that much in other shonen stories is that Oda takes the time to show the people from the locations the arcs happened being involved in some way.

Genzo and Nojiko risking their lives to keep Luffy safe until he gets free. The Usopp pirates risking their lives even if they are just kids, freaking Chu Chu and the major of that village willing to risk their lives even if they are not strong.

This is amazing because is not just our group of heroes solving everyone's else problems, but it shows that even doing the minimum helps and their effort is important to it(is not until Desrossa that we have a person like this have a major fight but still the meaning matters).

I don't know, things like Nami's emotions when she breaks was perfect and kudos to Emily Rudd for an amazing performance, but in my opinion Nami wasn't part of the Arlong Park walk because she was gonna be part of the enies lobby walk. It shows her character growth to be the one that was helped to be the one that is gonna help at the end. So changing that was gonna have to be a significant part of her character that needs to work very well, and the live action did it for her just walk around, stand to Arlong and run away. I feel it was missing something.

But like I was said, Nami's breakdown was down perfect and I really love little moments like the barrel sequence when they show them as kids too.

Either way, I hope they get a second season.

[cosmiccanidae]

FULL NAME. Raisu Alexeyevich Sovez NICKNAME. N/A ALIASES.‏ N/A PRONOUNS. he/him HEIGHT.‎‏‏‎ 5'7'' AGE. 98 ZODIAC. Scorpio SPOKEN LANGUAGES. Russian, English

‎‏‏‎ ‎𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 ―

HAIR.‎‏‏‎ Completely white at this point, kind of fluffy. FACIAL HAIR. None EYES. An unnatural fiery orange, though his right eye looks grey thanks to leucoma. SKIN TONE. Very pale BODY TYPE. Generally thin and boney aside from some fat carried on his midsection. VOICE. Mid-pitch, has held onto his native accent pretty strongly despite how much he's travelled. You can hear some age in his voice but it's still pretty strong. DOMINANT HAND. Right‎ POSTURE. ‎Bad. He's hunched over a lot of the time. MOST NOTABLE FEATURES. His eyes, both because of how piercing his orange one is and the fact that the other one always seems to be half closed. His large ears are notable and his flowing tail that contains stardust.

𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐃 ―

PLACE OF BIRTH. Russia HOMETOWN. idk SIBLINGS. None PARENTS. Alexey Sovez (father) and Eva Sovez (mother), both deceased.

𝐀𝐃𝐔𝐋𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 ―

OCCUPATION. ‎‎‏‏‎ ‎Space Pirate and Anarchist Terrorist Activist CURRENT RESIDENCE. Mostly on his ship but also has a secret house on earth. CLOSE FRIENDS. His crew, basically. He's also one of those 'my wife is my best friend' people. FINANCIAL STATUS. Good enough. DRIVER’S LICENSE. He no longer has a valid license of any kind. He probably shouldn't be driving anyway his eyesight sucks. CRIMINAL RECORD. He's got a death warrant on his head for a long list of things including treason, smuggling, hijacking, aggravated assault, and other things. VICES. Does a preoccupation with revenge count?

SEXUAL ORIENTATION. Heterosexual PREFERRED EMOTIONAL ROLE. Gonna be honest, I don't actually know what this means. PREFERRED SEXUAL ROLE. ‎Wouldn't you like to know?‏‏‎ TURN OFFS. ‎Nope TURN ON’S. Nope‏‎‏ LOVE LANGUAGE. Acts of service and quality time RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES. ‎‏‏‎ ‎Very loyal and attentive. He would do anything for his partner and gushes over them.‏‏‎

‎‏‏‎ ‎‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐄𝐎𝐔𝐒 ―

CHARACTER’S THEME TUNE. Supermassive Black Hole HOBBIES TO PASS THE TIME. Reading, dad jokes, poker, obsessing over the plan to get his wife back which really shouldn't count as a hobby but- LEFT OR RIGHT BRAINED. Left-brained‎‏‏‎ SELF-CONFIDENCE LEVEL. High but not to the point of overconfidence. He has a good grasp on what he is and isn't capable of.

[initial-lime]

Sorry not specifically a web!Martin centric reply but I thought your take was really interesting, especially since I’ve been taking psychology for a while so I just wanted to expand on it from what I know

Because!!! In some sense that’s actually very correct and also wildly incorrect at the same time (which isn’t that uncommon within psychology, since most scenarios are completely case dependent)

I’d say, specifically Martin and his trauma registers as mainly social stress (defined as circumstances in the ‘social’ environment that lead to stress, herein: the way he’s being treated by others Jon starts the series by outwardly bullying him, and later the way especially Elias treats him) of course it’s also important to consider his childhood trauma and the learned helplessness it has likely placed him in (based on the way he reacts to stress by accepting them rather than finding an immediate way out, like what Melanie did) of course you could argue he does try to get out, but I’m choosing to call Martin an unreliable narrator on that matter, since he’s directly offered a way out and turns it down.

All of these circumstances OF COURSE. Lead to his people pleasing tendencies!! Now I haven’t worked with people pleasing specifically because it’s a pretty complex coping mechanism, but at the basics of it for Martin specifically, I’d say the way he goes about it is an emotional coping strategy, this is classified by avoiding direct confrontation with the ‘problem’ and instead focusing on lessening the uncomfortable EMOTION, he does this by trying to make himself agreeable and appealing despite what he might actually be feeling/thinking inwardly.

This next part is, unfortunately, based on Freuds theory on defense mechanisms, which is to say it’s still valid psychological theory but it’s also important to not take it as an absolute. Martin uses a lot of identification and denial in the way he acts. (Identification: identifying attributes in others and attempting to emulate them for yourself) (denial: denying that the stressful situation/idea is/has occurred, basically what it says on the tin lol)

Now, Hunter, that’s all good and well but what in the world does this have to do with theory on manipulation? Well you see! Manipulation is an incredibly varied and hard to define thing!!! Tactics that would otherwise be textbook manipulation are completely innocent if you just scramble the sequence around a bit!! Think of it this way:

I forgot my lunch and you have extra, so obviously I want your extra lunch and will attempt to get it from you, this can happen several ways:

A. I take your lunch when you aren’t looking, and then when you get mad, I apply guilt “oh you have so much and I have none” in order to flip the situation and make you the instigator of conflict, this may even convince you that what I did was completely fair (manipulation)

B. I take your lunch when you aren’t looking, you get mad, I then argue that we previously agreed that I could have your extra lunch and that’s why I didn’t bring any, this makes it your word against mine and still places me in the victim category (gaslighting)

C. I ask if I can have your extra lunch because I forgot mine, you say no, I apply guilt until you agree reluctantly and give it to me (also manipulation)

D. I ask if I can have your lunch, this is a common occurrence, I know you’ll give it to me and you know I’ll ask that’s why you have extra (is this manipulation or not?)

Cases A and B are obvious manipulation, with a physical instigation, case C is still manipulation because I’ve applied heavy guilt to the point where saying no becomes incredibly emotionally difficult but case D is hard to define because it’s based on a much more nuanced situation, here the request is constant and anticipated.

I could be meaning to manipulate you, or I could be completely innocent in my requests but at the end of the day it is entirely up to individual perception of the situation. This is the most common form of manipulation, the treacherous grey area that means manipulation often both is and is not real at the same time (this is also a great reason why it’s so important to communicate with the people around you properly, good honest communication is the key to staying in the clear)

However! It’s also worth considering this from a biological evolutionary standpoint, every single thing we do is out of an expectation of receiving a desired outcome, this is completely normal and innocent, we do nice things for people because it makes us happy, is convenient, or is advantageous in the long run. People taking decisions for personal gain is in fact so normal and healthy that to not do it is incredibly harmful to our well being (this would be self sabotage, just think of someone making every single possible choice against themselves, they’d be miserable!! For no good reason!)

Although it can be hard to discuss in a vacuum because of philosophical reasons, we are still animals and animals do not feel guilt for living that is a uniquely human trait, which puts us at odds with our own biology)

Bringing this all back to specifically Martin, he is a man with a lot of emotional trauma, who in the events where we meet him is being placed in increasing social stress, he is bullied and eventually convinced to leave the social group completely. These circumstances cause him to go into a state of chronic mental stress wherein he has to constantly compensate, he does this by, as I said, identifying in an ‘untrue’ personality and denial. I would not put it past Martin to think of himself as manipulative despite whatever the reality is, because he is a man who is absolutely riddled with guilt and identifying with an otherwise negative trait I.e “manipulative” is a way for him to lessen the emotional stress without being outwardly confrontational.

This is!! Absolutely web prime time, because it doesn’t even matter if he’s ACTUALLY being manipulative!! It’s enough that he identifies with and fears BEING manipulative. If he had continued in that direction rather than switching to an avoidant coping strategy i think it’s entirely possible and reasonable for Martin to genuinely become manipulative (and a web avatar)

But yeah! That about completes my little analysis, there’s definitely more to be said about this but these where just the points I found interesting, hopefully some of y’all did too (:

not to spread my Web!Martin agenda but people pleasing is an unwitting form of manipulation.

It’s a well-intended trauma response, and the people doing it often don’t have that intent, but it’s very web aligned. Martin wanted people to like him, because he felt who he was intrinsically was detestable thanks to his mother. So he crafted a persona he thought would be easily liked and get the response he craved from people. WEB WEB WEB WEB WEB

[tapmora]

 "5 Mental Traps I Had to Release Before I Found Peace"

The Blind Road of Spirituality

Spirituality is always like driving down a blind road. No one actually knows where they're headed, and I didn't for a very long time. I was wandering through the wilderness of my own questions, hoping to find meaning in a world that never stops long enough to provide you with answers. From a periodontist trapped in the absoluteness of modern life to embracing monk-like isolation, my path was anything but linear. There were peaks, valleys, moments of serenity, and nights of uncertainty. There were no maps, no neat plans, and definitely no guidebooks. All I possessed was a stubborn determination to trust my heart and a fragile hope in my intuition to forge a path where none appeared to be.

The Illusion of Control

The further in I went, the more apparent it was that control is an illusion. I had been spending years attempting to control results, govern emotions, and maintain pieces of myself that no longer worked. But the reality is, spiritual development isn't so much about accumulating more,  it's about losing what you never really owned to begin with. The more I tried to govern my spiritual development, the more I moved away from its center. I learned that in order to feel who you really are, you have to be willing to release who you think you are, and all you've held onto for safety.

The Mental Weights I Had to Release

There were five ongoing mental tendencies that weighed on me unseen, keeping me away from stillness and clarity I yearned for. Only when I let them go did I start to experience the subtle yet potent peace of awakening.

1. Taking My Demons Personally:

As with most, I was highly invested in my story. I thought my struggles, errors, and fears made me who I was. I held on to them because they explained the mess. Healing starts when you release identifying so closely with your story. Demons are transients. They're not you, they're fleeting clouds in your sky. One of the most difficult but freeing changes was learning to watch them without taking it personally.

2. Chasing Constant Validation:

I needed to learn to no longer need to be seen, understood, or accepted by others. Spiritual awakening is isolating at first because you begin to step away from all those things that no longer serve,  and, at times, people as well. Outside validation had me bound to a self I was growing beyond.

3. Clinging to Desires and Aversion:

I came to see how much of my internal disturbance resulted from pursuing what I desired and opposing what I did not. The mind exists in opposition, perpetually seeking, perpetually rejecting. Real peace occurred when I started embracing whatever came up, without considering it good or bad.

4. Overthinking My Spirituality

Ironically, the harder I worked at dissecting my progress, the more I felt I was getting further away from any authentic awakening. Spirituality is not something you achieve; it's a silent remembering. I had to release my fixation on outcomes and permit myself to simply be.

5. Clinging to a Fixed Identity:

The strongest barrier was my own conception of myself, who I ought to be, how I wanted others to see me, what I wished to play. Awakening occurs when you release the tight grip on your identity, walk into the great mystery, and discover you are not this body, these thoughts, or these transitory roles.

The Stillness Beneath It All

When these weights started to melt, I found something surprising, an enormous, unexplored stillness beneath all my restlessness. It wasn't dramatic. It didn't arrive with a bolt of lightning-filled enlightenment. It was more like coming home after a long, weary trip. A basic sense of beingness. The profound awakening I had been pursuing wasn't a place I had to arrive at, but a space I had to reveal by releasing.

[lorisystem]

Wanted to do this meme again... i saw it as a repost just now so i dont have the source but i did it before, if anyone wants the template i can probably find it again later.

Wanted to detail about each one cause i& feel talkative

Legend:

Cross = yeah

Big bar = mostly yeah

Small bar = nuance (very little and/or not as a system thing)

No mark = no

"Who are you again" = Ok this all the time but not a system thing just faceblind.

Host/body trans = Yeagh

Dissociates mid conversation = This all the time but afaik not related to switching just. In our own little world a lot of the time + its hard to keep interest in some conversations. Also its hard to understand things said to us sometimes which makes us lose track a lot

Fictives = Not a fictive heavy sys but we do have some. Two full introjects n several half introjects (at least 2 possibly more)

Amnesia = We only get noticeable amnesia in very specific context (if something is very upsetting). Never full blackouts i think? That being said we have a lot of partial amnesia for certain things or periods of time. Like theres periods of time put behind some sort of curtain etc but we remember the main lines or its emotional amnesia etc.

"Whats a system" = Stopped being a thing around like 14 or 15(?) when we met another system. Before that we knew but didnt have the vocabulary

Chaotic headspace = Never been a thing for us. The brain just doesnt have the capacity to run full conversations in background if the focus is somewhere else. Our processing power is. Poor

Motherly figure as caretaker = None are women but yea Déborah n Jyu n even Avrei(/Shun) to some degree all of which are older/parental figures to several alters especially the younger ones

Fusion/integ = As of yet not really but we did get skill displacements which were starting to understand can be a start (host learning an alters skill and becoming more adapted)

Bad at communicating = We thought we were quite good for very long (and compared to somebody who has none. Yea) but actually. Were learning to get better a lot and discovered theres a lot more to learn. Cannot track switches at all for example n hard to discern passive influence. We just have different struggles. On top of that some alters just arent cooperative

Recovering persecutor protector = Yea love to have at least one system cliché . Franca & Zacharie.

No energy = This one is small bar bc i rlly dont think its system related. Also we still have enough energy to fake functionality and mask etc. But it could be better

"You have good imagination" = I imagine this is meant to fakeclaim and while i dont think somebody told me that to fakeclaim my system weve been told it about other things + it is true that we have a good imagination. We are very selective who we tell but yea decided to put that one as a cross bc it still feels accurate

ND = yea. One or two things going on other than plurality

No headspace = Our base headspace is very very simple but it did exist. We created an actual inner world around early HS i think and kept expanding it since. Some part are spontaneous but most of it was consciously created

Denial = small bar bc it doesnt rlly impact us too much anymore. We dont rlly care for external validation anymore

Not out as a system bc no one believes you = Well mostly yea but not only. Its not that i think absolutely noone would believe me bc if that was the only pb i wouldnt care. I just dont want to get harrassed, i need ppl to show me basic respect and not try to hurt me&.

Been fakeclaimed = Yes! A friend fakeclaimed us early on in learning about dissociative disorders bc we didnt tell them details of childhood trauma/said it wasnt traumatic - it was but we didnt realize at the time)

Co fronting gives headache = Never been a thing for us, at least unable to link headaches with switches (theyre not that frequent anyway)

Memory is shit = We are . Hypermnesic,

Everyone or almost is queer = Oh ya definitely. In some way or other

*Pretends to be host* = Yea. Allergic to ppl knowing who fronts

"When did i get here" = OK when i first read i thought this related to splitting and i put nothing cause we can pinpoint the origin period of most alters etc. But. Rereading i think it related to confusion after switching. Was a thing to a small degree for us until like 5 years ago or so and now we very rarely get this. It was never too big but sometimes we did have moments of confusion like "what am i doing? Where am i? Right, going to work... feels weird and out of place" etc. Not too bad

Traumagenic = yea. Always aware of this. We always knew alters were there to help and that they all had specific roles. I kind of remember the feeling of reading roles and being like woah. Yea yea. We had roles the whole time

Sarrey for long text. N inconsistent pronouns. It will happen again