#basically i will let the fear of being in a relationship outweigh the want to be in one

[fraternum-momentum]

there are times when im sad abt being single (ok all the time, the yearning never ends) but then i listen to my friends' relationship problems and then i kinda feel relieved that i dont need to worry about all that shit

[okartichoke]

ace avian. that’s what we’re calling this 🗣️🗣️🗣️

please let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions or input or anything! i’m happy to bounce ideas around (i'll post DL-6 someday soon i swear)

link to masterpost || explations below cut

shoutout to the anon who sent in that ask bc i seriously fell in love with blue jay phoenix. SHOUTOUT TO TAKAHE PHOENIX TOO THO takahe phoenix, you will forever be in my heart and im glad you existed <3333,, (maybe in this au he’s got some loving adoptive takahe parents :3) (YKNOW WHAT YEAH that’s canon now)

but yeah, flight-avoidant jay phoenix still lends itself well to the common-man hardworking underdog vibe i want from him. speaking of flight-avoidant...

Phoenix's relationship with flying:

It's a bit complicated. Basically, Phoenix can fly, but he historically chooses not to. From the lack of any practice, he's an INCREDIBLY weak flier. (That hovering is really all he can manage)

For one, he's still afraid of heights. Can't help that. This fear means he was less inclined to practice flying, which made him a weaker flier. And being a weaker flier, in turn, made his fear of heights worse. And so on, in a loop. With flightless parents too (it's canon now it's canon), there's even less of a reason to learn to fly. At some point, not flying might've even become something he stuck with out of stubbornness lol, knowing Phoenix.

(I will soon be making a couple small world building posts, but) flying isn't necessary to get around in their society. Convenient, sure, but Phoenix realized he could make do without, and so he did. Phoenix, you icon. Slay. 💅💅

i know this probably isn't the popular take with wing AUs??, but Phoenix being flightless (or at least semi-flightless) sounded like a really fun take on the idea to me. His name is irony at its peak. I also look forward to exploring how other characters react to him not flying. The prosecutors are going to have so many cheap insult opportunities.

As I mentioned though, he still uses his wings a LOT, though. He's much more emotive with them than most people. His sarcastic inner-dialogue remarks are also betrayed by his wings lmao

I also imagine bird-folk never really invented bikes (riding would just be annoying with their wings, plus bikes aren't fast/efficient enough to outweigh just flying), so instead, Phoenix gets around on a little wing-powered scooter device (like scootaloo lol) (they're usually made for children who can't fly yet, but Phoenix still uses one)

finally, wow, stellar jay’s are quite literally just phoenix wright as a bird lmao? color scheme, hair, it’s uncanny. give it a pink tie and it just is Phoenix Wright, i used a blue jay since they’ve got a bit more striking wings but wow.

(ty again for the support and for reading my essay ! :3)

one more thing, but @kora-kat YES YES YES this. ^^^^ omg THIS. this is still true even though he's a jay now.

[mvltisstuff]

hello!! i absolutely love, love love, your buck fics, cowboy like me was so good. i was wondering if i can request a fic? buck and reader are best friends too stubborn to realize their feelings and have to share a bed for some reason, buck for some reason knows this trope and prepares themself like “i can do this, they’re my best friend it won’t be weird” so morning comes and he wakes up but they’re not cuddling and he gets gets disappointed and that’s how he realizes his feelings and maybe a confession. thank you if you do this but no worry if you don’t get to it. take care ❤️

sweet nothing - e.b

summary: basically for the request above :)

evan buckley x reader

a/n: i was so so happy to see that someone requested something and i hope you enjoy it! 🩶🩶 i’ve never done a one bed trope before so hang in there. i’ll be editing this a little later as i am going out but i wanted to get this up for you!

edit: omg i lowkey read this wrong i’m so sorry i can def write it again if you’re not a fan of it

y/n and buck have known each other for years, working together at the station. they meshed so well together and they realized that their connection might be stronger than a normal one between co-workers.

they started hanging out more and more, going to bars and getting dinner. they’d go to parties together and they talked all the time. having to deal with the repercussions of being a first responder, they found comfort in each other. after a death or near a death, they’d go back to someone’s place, hoping to bring normality back to the day. the bad days and the good days, they were always there.

it’s hard for buck not to get attached to someone so easily after dealing with people leaving. he never received affection from his mother or father, and his sister leaving so soon changed his view on things. his ego might be big, but it’s not big enough to prevent him from clinging to someone who shows him an ounce of love.

they were scarily similar, and they knew it. that’s why they were friends. they could talk to each other and actually understand each other after not having anyone for years.

they both know they’re more than friends, and everyone at the firehouse teases them anyway. buck normally has no problem with admission, taking girls home and letting them forget him the next day. he cannot admit his feelings for y/n after all these years. whether it be encouragement from eddie or bobby, the fear of ruining the best relationship he’s ever had outweighs that.

after a crazy day off, driving around the city and doing anything they can imagine, they realize how late it is and start to drive home. bucks mood of the night goes from pure happiness to dread. he doesn’t want it to be over, because any time that is spent with her is more time that he feels like nothing could stop him.

“buck, where are we?” y/n asks in the passenger seat of his jeep.

“oh, we’re um… at the place i went a few weeks ago. i just-“

“don’t know how to get back?” she finished his sentence and he gives her a look.

“yes, i do actually! we just have to go down that freeway.” he tries fixing the situation, not wanting to leave her stranded in the middle of nowhere. “ok, i have no clue where we are, but it’s fine! we have google maps.” buck pulls out his phone and sits on the app for minutes, praying that the little loading sign goes away. some small part of him wants to turn on airplane mode and hope she doesn’t notice, so they can stay together for a little while longer. she looks over to the phone and sighs.

“just pull up to that gas station over there. i have to pee.” she says, and he starts driving over to the dark gas station with the 24-hour sign. after she runs in, she runs back out with a ton of snacks and drinks.

“i thought you were just using their bathroom?”

“what? it’s just a few snacks, what’s wrong with that?” she laughs and throws them back into the car as he’s waiting outside too, filling his tank.

“did you buy a map in there too?”

“very funny, buck. like you can read a damn map.”

“i could if we were stranded somewhere! and oh, take a look around.” he acknowledges the fact that they don’t know where they are, but can still make fun of each other and laugh.

“listen, let’s just drive around for a bit and see what we find.” y/n recommends. buck grumbles and gets back into his car, turning on the engine.

it mutters and doesn’t turn on, he tries again and realizes it’s not going anywhere. he keeps playing around with it before y/n interrupts him. “i think it’s broken, buck.”

“it’s a jeep, it’s fine!” he says, trying to defend his precious car.

“ok, well. i’m gonna go inside and ask where any hotels are.” y/n says, and buck runs his hand down his face.

“get a bag of doritos while you’re at it.”

after minutes of waiting, y/n comes out of the gas station and walks over to the car. “did you call a truck?”

“yeah, they’ll be here soon.”

“well, get your walking stick, partner because the nearest hotel is a mile away.” she says sarcastically, grabbing her stuff out of his car.

————————————————————————

“we’re sorry, ma’am but all our two guest rooms are full for tonight,” the hotel receptionist tells them.

“shit, ok. do you have any other available rooms?” buck peeps in and asks.

“we have a one person room on floor 3, it has a full bathroom and everything.” after the exhaustion of the night and having to walk around looking for this hotel, they basically will crash anywhere.

“we’ll take it.” they both say simultaneously.

they climb up the the room with their arms full of stuff they don’t even need. they swing open the door and make their way inside. “ladies first,” buck says, leaning against the door.

“thank you very much, sir.” y/n replies and places some of their goodies on the tv stand. “this is nice, i guess! we could fit in here if we really wanted to.”

“yeah, i can stay on the floor and you take the bed.” y/n laughs at his request and he gives her a confused expression.

“really, buck. we all know you’re picky about your sleeping situations. take the bed. i’m fine on the floor. ladies always take the bed.” she smirks at him.

“oh, well if you put it like that, i’ll take it,” he says, throwing himself on the bed. “you’re gonna sleep in jeans?”

“well, i didn’t bring an overnight bag. it’s fine, it’s just for one night.”

“i have en extra shirt in my car, just wear that. it’s big on me, so it’ll be like a dress!” he tells her. “a nightgown for the queen herself, if i must say.”

“you didn’t bring it in? you even brought your med kit?”

“you never know, y/n. what if you cut yourself open? you never. know.” he jokes.

“whatever,” she smiles and laughs. “i’m going to wash my face and i’m going to bed.” she walks into the bathroom and buck stays on the bed. he doesn’t want to leave her on the floor, but he doesn’t know if he could contain his thoughts if they slept together. that sounds really awful, but that might make him spit out words he doesn’t want her to know.

when she comes back out, buck is stripped of his shirt and left in his pants. her heart rate noticeably speeds up, and she doesn’t really know what to say. she’s seen him without a shirt, but spending the night together? she’s in for a hell of a night. her mouth is slightly open, and she closes it again, realizing he’s looking right at her. “like what you see?” he says, looking up from his phone. she shakes her head and turns around. she pulls on his massive shirt and now it’s his turn to have an internal freak out.

seeing his name on her back and his shirt on her body might send him into arrest. her soft hair falls down her back after she pulls out her bun and she runs her hands through it. buck looks around at her body, her shoulders peeking out through the top and the neckline down. he shakes his head and forces his eyes to look back down at his phone. she gets down on the floor, pulling the blanket over her and laying on the few that she placed under her. “g’night, buck. go to sleep.”

“n-night, y/n.”

———————————���————————————

buck stays on the bed the whole night, being able to sleep peacefully in the quiet room. y/n on the other hand, feels like she’s gonna fall through the floor. she hates the floor, she would’ve taken the bed, but his comfort was more important to her.

she loves him, she really does, but both of their stubbornness and lack of acknowledgement of their feelings prevents her from making any moves. but she swears this hard, itchy rug might be the death of her.

buck feels the corner of the blanket get pulled up, and a light hand on his shoulder, pulling him out of his slumber. “move over, i cant stay on this rug.”

even the deep sleep he was in couldn’t keep his mind from going places. he was so happy, probably too happy. “yeah-yeah, of course.” he says, moving his body. he was wide awake now, turning to face her. “you know, i’m really happy we got stuck here together.”

her faces reveals a bright smile and buck can still see through the darkness of the room. “me too.”

they both turn over and fall asleep, trying to quiet the thoughts in their head. the ones that have been begging to be released for months.

when they wake up in the morning, y/n feels so much better. the sun was shining lightly through the shades and she rubs her eyes. she looks over and buck, whos much closer than she thought.

she realizes their closeness, his arms wrapped around her and their legs tangled together. her head is right next to his, their foreheads practically touching.

she thought about moving from her spot, it physically, she couldn’t bring herself to. the warmth of bucks body brought a whole new feeling. she felt at peace, which sounds silly but she felt like she could take on anything as long as he was there. it was her opportunity to be with him, being as close as ever.

he woke up from his own sleep, eyes fluttering open and his breaths were deep and slow. he looked up at her, and smiled when he saw how close they were to each other. “hey,” he says, with a raspy voice morning voice and y/n feels grateful to even hear one word.

“hi,” she whispers back to him. “sleep well?”

“i slept great, i wonder why,” he looks around and then lands his eyes back on her. “i’m glad you’re here.”

“you know, i kinda thought i was dreaming when i woke up,” she speaks. “i’m glad i wasn’t.”

“i’m glad you weren’t dreaming too.” he pulls her in, wrapping his arm around her lower back. he leans in, planting a sweet kiss on her lips. they stay in this position for a while, taking the time to spend with each other after waiting the past few years in hiding.

“uh… we should probably, um, get up?” she smiles and is practically speechless. she tries to form the words but really doesn’t want to go anywhere.

“nah, let’s stay here.” he pulls her in and rolls over her, but keeping his weight off. they whisper sweet nothings at each other and she giggles at his soft kisses all over, finally relieved that they can be together without the fear of ruining something great.

[universallychaoticpan]

Hi. Can I pls req dazai x reader. So,Dazai and reader were once in a relationship. (Female reader). At some point they broke up. Stopped talking started ignoring each other. Then dazai approached her to be friends again. They again became besties.

The reader is now feeling attracted to a guy. She talks to that guy but didn't take things further, she is hesitant to be in a relationship due to his previous relationship with dazai. Dazai realises, and says that he doesn't want to be the reason to hold back each other... basically you make/write the conversation after dazai realises. Please🥺🥺

(Ps: dazai is actually sad to know the reader is attracted to someone new)

Ah yes, good old unrequited love. I hope you enjoy this, and please come back anytime. So sorry this took so long, the first time I wrote it I accidentally deleted it and had to do it all over. <333

It was hard to believe that at a point, you had been in love with him. But it was true; at one point, the two of you shared a love like sunlight. You fought and loved with the same passion, often burning one another before falling back together for comfort, for peace, to quell the ache that pulled you back together time and time again. But you were so bright you could hardly stand to look; so warm the pain began to show through more and more. Eventually, you licked your wounds on your own, the risk of being hurt outweighing the reward of a love so strong.

Yes, like he always did, Osamu Dazai had pushed you away. And when he did, the hole that you filled inside of him opened up again.

When you were gone, he could hardly stand to look at you without remembering the way you said his name - like no one else did, soft and sweet, drawing out each syllable and vowel - or how your bare skin felt pressed against his while you slept. When he was gone, you could hardly bear the sound of his voice without thinking of nights spent with your clothes strewn across the floor, or the way he would trace the lines in the palms of your hand, his eyes looking at you like the world meant nothing in comparison.

You thought you would never be able to look at those eyes again.

But slowly, things began to repair themselves. Like spring budding from barren branches, you began to pass smiles to one another again. You started to talk more, joking and teasing like you used too before love, before everything had changed. Slowly, you made your way back into his life- slowly, the two of you pushed the memories of a love brighter than sunlight down until it was swallowed by expanses of darker space.

And slowly, Dazai realized that you weren't his anymore.

"...hey- Hey!" Your voice startled him from his thoughts, his fingers beginning to sting from holding onto the chilled glass for too long.

"Sorry," he muttered, taking a drink. "You were saying?"

"You alright," you asked, concerned curiosity in your eyes. "It's not like you to just disappear like that."

He shrugged. "Long week I guess. Anyway?"

You looked down at your drink awkwardly. "Well I was telling you about this guy I met just the other day- met him in the cafe under the office, he works nearby. He was sweet, actually asked me to meet him at another spot he knows later tonight." you chewed your lips nervously. "I don't think I'll go though; it's too soon don't you think? I mean it hasn't even been a year since..." You let your voice trail off.

Dazai looked at you, saw the way your body hunched into itself, but saw the way your eyes slightly looked over at him, waiting for a reaction, a sliver of approval or disappointment. And he realized what you were waiting for.

You were waiting for him to let go.

And it broke him completely that the look in your eyes, the look of slight fear and sorrow was his doing- that even after time had gone by, you still felt trapped by him. Try as he might, he hadn't been able to move past you; worse, you knew it as well as he did and yet here you were, asking him one more time for permission. You were asking his permission to break his heart again.

And what could he do but let you? He loved you so much, so desperately it consumed him; it swallowed him whole every night as he tried to sleep, chased you through dreams and just barely let you escape every time. And he loved you so much that he would release you- he would break every bone in his body if it forced him to let you go. Because he wasn't what you needed. And he knew that the best way for him to love was to let you be loved by someone who was safer. Someone who could give you the life you deserved.

He simply couldn't be that person.

"Go," he said quietly. He was looking at you now, a smile on his face that you both tried to pretend was masking the melancholy behind it. "You should go." He got up, draping your coat around your shoulders. "I mean we both know you can't stay hung up on me forever," he said with a wink. You got up with a smile, the two of you simply staring at each other, the hum of chatter in the bar going quiet for a split second. And you hugged him; you stepped close and wrapped your arms around him, tucking your head into his chest the way you always used to. And it was good you couldn't see him, see his face or the look of surprise he couldn't stop. Gingerly, he place his hands on your back, holding you against him one last time before he gently pulled you away by your shoulders.

"Go on," he smiled. "Get out of here."

You nodded, walking out of the room before you could lose your nerve; you left before you had time to look back. If you had though, if you had stopped to look at the man you couldn't deny you still loved, you would've seen how he watched you go until you vanished onto the dark street, how he stared after you long after you had gone, the scent of your skin still clinging to him like the ghost of you always would.

[arcadejohn127-9]

Could you do the Brothers and undatables reacting to MC being poisoned and finding out that Micheal was trying to kill them because he was jealous that MC was close with the brothers. Let me just say your work is great the way you describe the situation before going into the reactions is really interesting. Thank you so much!!!!

I already had this ask half way done but Tumblr decided to delete all my work due to buggy WiFi - I'm currently in pain 😭

I don't know much about poison so bare with me, I just looked at the basic symptoms and went "I'm smart" I've passed out after being ill or just in general quite a few times when younger so I had faith

This also has a bonus Michael part! I've decided to add his response to the boys reactions in its own format or else each one will just have a repeat of the same Michael Response

Warning: angst, implied vomitting, attempted murder, fainting, spoilers of lesson 37 and 16, gore on Michaels part, long

"from Michael...?" You questioned outloud, unsure on how to feel about the parcel you've found.

Your relationship with the angel wasn't a defined one. You didn't hate him but you didn't like him either; there was always something about his presence that made you fearful. You choked it up to be just internalised fear due to hearing the brothers experience of the celestial realm and angels.

You've never met him in person; the first conversation you had of him was when you stabbed yourself with the dagger instead of Lucifer. You saw the light and he spoke to you, surprised and shocked at the love you had for the demons. Even then you never really got to speak to him again, he was a mystery. You've sent a few letters and he's returned some and Simeon is a link between you two. But other than that? You didn't really have a relationship with him.

So why? Why would he send you a gift?

You looked inside to see a packet of apple pieces and herbs inside of a snack shaped teabag. You admired the unique shape and couldn't stop a small smile appearing. It was definitely cute! And you finally got to use the new kettle and cups barbatos got you.

You decided to text Simeon, telling him to thank Michael for your gift. He was surprised by this but agreed, happy you two were connecting.

Whilst your new tea brewed you were trying to figure out a way to repay his kindness. Sure it was simple small gift but he was reaching out - you were giddy! Hopeful this meant he was fully on board to the exchange program.

But you soon would regret drinking that tea. It was so sweet you couldn't stop drinking it; your lips only leaving the cup of a second of breath. It was addicting. The herb covered apples pieces gave it a nice slight bitterness. But it wasn't overbearing but didn't make it taste like sugar in your mouth.

As soon as the last gulp came down; something came up. You hunched over as your stomach churned, a disgusting taste forcing itself up your throat. Your vision growing blurry as you stumbled out of your seat, the light in your room feeling like knives to your eyes. You tried closing them but the effect didn't change. You were barely hunched over on your side releasing everything in your stomach. It stung your throat, your stomach feeling painfully empty.

There was this invisible feeling telling you to go to sleep. You wanted to obey but the light felt too painful. In your dazed state you shakily texted the groupchat a sloppy "help me ASAP, my room" before letting your body go limp, heaving as you just laid there, dragging a nearby jacket over your head and let your vision be consumed by the darkness.

Lucifer:

He's heart broken

How did this happen? You were fine and now you're not moving

Your breathing was faint against his neck as he held you

He saw the parcel and connected the dots, Eden's tea

It was a death sentence for any human, a treat for demons and a punishment for angels

He's started a war once, he can do it again

Whilst he knew he couldn't enter the celestial realm he demanded that Michael show himself

When his demands went unanswered, he was ready to break all rules

"He's gone too far, I don't care for his reasons! I WILL DESTORY THE CELESTIAL REALM IF I HAVE TO! HE WILL ANSWER ME!"

when you received a cure all his angers washed away with relief

Happy to have you awake again even if it was for a few moments

Mammon:

FLASHBACK ARE STRONG

All he can think about his how you looked like in the past; dying in his arms

He immediately went to blame belphie but almost tripped over the parcel

He's an idioit but he knew what this tea was

Becomes feral with rage and overly protective of your unconscious body

He's hunched over by your side at all times just growling at anyone who comes near you

He wanted to hurt Michael but he wanted to stay with you

He'd talk to you and tell you how he was going to get payback

"I should of known he'd do something-! I'll never forgive him- DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT!!! I'M DOING THIS FOR THEM!"

As soon as you get the cure he's hugging you and telling you how much he missed you

Levithan:

When he found you, his heart dropped

It only got worse when he found the parcel and realized what Michael has done

he will remind the celestial realm why he is an admiral of hell's navy

He spends time by the sea communicating with any creature he can get; telling them if things go down he'll need them to flood the gates of heaven

When he isn't planning war he's with you, playing games, trying to ignore how dead you looked

He would remind you what buttons to push when your chatacter didn't move

"YOU THINK I'LL JUST LET THIS SLIDE??!! HE'S KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!"

He broke down sobbing when you woke up after getting a cure

He was convinced you were dead but here you were, alive and awake

Satan:

He's a detective nerd so of course he scoped out the scene

When he found the parcel and Michaels name - oh boy

Never met the man and pities him for letting their first meeting be the angels demise

It wasn't long before he had to be detained

Screaming and tearing up anything he could, yelling at his brother's for falling

He blamed his brothers, he blamed Michael and he blamed himself

Hated being locked away from you, would course more of a fuss when he couldn't see you

"I WILL KILL EVERY ONE OF YOU IF YOU DON'T LET ME GET TO THAT DAMN ANGEL!! I HATE YOU!"

He's only calmed down when you are given a cure and he's told you're alive

Is finally allowed to see you and he holds you tight

Asmodeus:

When he found you he was sobbing

It only grew worse when he found out what happened

In Denial

Not of Michael, he believed that but in denial you were dead or were dying

Kept insisting you were just tired and sleeping

Destroyed an entire room when one of them insisted you weren't sleeping

He'd help you get ready and pamper you, telling you it's okay and you can thank him when you feel better

Would be seen wiping your face often in hopes it'll get rid of that death like appearance you have

"They're fine but Michael won't be, when my precious darling wakes up I'll make sure they know I'll make everything better."

When you bad your cure he started crying and laughing, telling everyone he was right

Clinged to you and let you sleep

Beezlebub:

He found the parcel almost immediately

And went into a rage - we all know how his hunger tantrums are

Would've destroyed the whole house if he wasn't restrained

Guilt

So much guilt, his shoulders are always sagging

Sits by your unconscious body so he feels like he's protecting you

Has tried kissing you awake

Hoping you'll wake up like a fairy tale Character and everything will be fine

"I'm going to kill Michael and I won't let any of you stop me....protect (Y/N) For me."

Was so happy and relieved when you got the cure, sticking to your side at all times even when you were awake

Belphegor:

He was quick to help you into bed and on your side

When he found the parcel he was ready to murder

His rage towards Michael massively outweighed his hatred for humanity - even Lucifer!

Beel couldn't keep control of him mostnofnthe time unless he got forceful, belphegor stuck in a headlock screeching bloody murder

Stress sleeping

Like many of the brothers he develops two modes: calm or PLANNING MASS MURDER

Whenever he gets overwhelmed he just forces body to shut down and sleep besides you

"Michael will face me again, I won't let him kill anyone else that I love! He got Lilith killed and he can't do the same for (Y/N)!"

As soon as the cure was found he was by your side

Letting you rest and watched over you

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

Found out through the brothers

Sees this as an act of war against the peace he's working for

He was normally sweet and forgiving but it seemed Michael wanted to rip to his last nerve

Demanded for every reliable demon to search for a cure

Even had Solomon try to make one

"Barbatos, what is the possibility of Michael coming down to the devildom or the human realm? I want 'discuss' with him what his actions have caused."

As soon he he found out you were alive and safe

He didn't stop his plans but let himself have time with you

Barbatos:

So much guilt

Like holy shit

Is just constantly questioning how he didn't prevent this

Asked permission from the lord to just change the timelines so this didn't happen but the brothers were against it

They demanded they didn't avoid this situation and let Michael face punishment

That he couldn't refuse, he was angered by the angel's actions

More than he would ever show

"humans are so fragile and their time is so limited - that's why I'm never going to let anyone cut theirs short again."

Was part of the cure search party, he led the group

Once you were cured he stayed with you

Acting as your butler and made to check each of your foods and drinks

Solomon:

It wasn't a wise decision to piss off a wizard with stupid amount of pacts

To think an angel would do such a thing

But whilst Everyone lost their temper and searched for a cure

He was wondering - why did it happen

He was ordered asked to make you a cure

He was able to do it but the real cure was also found - giving you extra cure wasn't going to harm you

But he did plan to harm Michael

"you'd think he was smarter than this, he didn't even hide he was the one who did it but all it does is make my job easier."

nursed you until you woke up

Making sure you had mini cures to completely magic it out of your system

Simeon:

When he found out he was stunned

Betrayal - that's all he felt

How could Michael do such a thing?

But he knew Michael was a cruel angel, many having to drink Eden's tea as punishment

It burned their insides and had any poor soul sobbing for mercy after a gulp

"Michael you fool, you can get away with things in your league but you've involved the three realms into this....I pray you do not make your demise harder for yourself."

Was apart of the cure search party

Soothed you when you finally woke up, telling you it'll be okay

Let you rest as much as you wanted

Luke:

They tried to hide it from him but he kept demanding to see you

He wanted to know why everyone was acting strange

When he finally found out he was broken

His mentor

His idol

His everything

The person who always went for permission and knowledge

He thought so highly of him but he's hurt you

He's done more than that! He's tried to kill you!

He's been sobbing for days and locked himself away, he couldn't bare to see you after his once visit

He believed you were dead and they were just keeping your body

"Michael....why....why would you do this.... I thought you loved your brother's....I thought you were kind..!"

When he found out there was a cure he begged to help but they wouldn't let him

He only got to see you when you woke up and he was hugging you, crying

+ bonus Character↓

Michael:

The angel knew they'd be upset

But 9 demons wanting his blood? One wizard ready to cause mayhem and even his own kind wanting his downfall?

That he didn't expect

In his blind jealousy he didn't expect they'd all care for you this much

Thinking apart of them would be relieved you weren't there

But no

"You were my brother's before you were their partner, I'm simply doing what is right! It was their time to meet him and finally stop controlling all of you! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE ME! I'M YOUR FAMILY! WHY ARE THEY MORE IMPORTANT?!"

He got his answer

His wings torn to shreds, chunks of flesh bitten off him and slashes all over his body

He was left in human world bleeding and barely recognisable

They didn't hold back

He dread to think what the rest of them would do when they find him

[tenthgrove]

Hello, I just saw that you opened your request. I'm the one who ended up writing a whole prompt! Imagine this for each member from La Squadra: they had an one-night stand with a random woman, she accidentally got pregnant and decided to have the baby without telling them. After a while, the woman got ill and passed away, but not without before sending her child with their father (let's imagine she has the direction of their hideout even if it's ooc, or she knew where they hang out). So, one day someone knocks the door and introduces themselves as the kid of one of the members/if it's too young, someone left them on the door with a explainatory note... How do you think each member would react by discovering that they have a child and they're supposed to take care of them from now? You can make each kid with different ages if you want, it would be funny to see Prosciutto or Ghiaccio dealing with a rebellious teenage son or Risotto trying to take care of a toddler, but I guess not all of them would want to keep their children. Sorry if it's a lot, haha.

La Squadra did a Diavolo

La Squadra x Reader, Platonic/Familial, SFW

A/N: your idea about mixing up the ages got me thinking, and I ended up using randomisers for the children’s ages (though I did consciously change some of them) and genders. It added a fun bit of chance to this prompt.

Formaggio, with an 8 year old daughter

The whole thing feels surreal to him. There's a little girl on his doorstep calling herself his daughter and by all evidence, it's true. He doesn't really know how to feel about it at first. On one hand it's kind of cool he had a kid all this time and you're clearly a lovely girl, but on the other hand, what the fuck? Still, not being the practical sort, his sense of sentiment far outweighs any question of how he's actually going to look after a child, so without much deliberation, Formaggio agrees to let you stay.

Formaggio isn't too experienced with kids but he doesn't exactly dislike them either, so he figures he knows what to do. At your age you can at least do the basics of looking after yourself, so he isn't too worried. The only problem is that if you ask him to cook for you or help clean your room, his eyes go very wide. He never quite picked up those skills himself, he's afraid, so you're going to have to ask someone else for that one.

The good news is that Formaggio is a very easy-going, fun sort of dad, who is a natural at playing with you and lets you do what you want when he can't be around. He quickly gets used to showing affection to you, letting you cuddle up to him on the sofa in front of the squad and even carrying you around once in a while. He gives amazing piggy back rides.

The bad news (or more good news, depending on how you are) is that you have to leave school. Risotto says that at your age you can't be trusted not to tell anyone your new family is a bunch of assassins, and taking you to and from school each day would be too much of a hassle. Nonetheless, you're welcome to continue your education from home, though Formaggio will hardly push you if you don't keep up with it. Melone is much better on that front.

Despite the risk, Formaggio can't bring himself to force you to lose all your friends, so he lets you keep meeting with them. Furthermore, he knows a few guys in other squads who have kids about your age, so he's happy to introduce you to them if you want a friend you can be more honest about your home life with. Formaggio might not have a clue what he's doing, but he's doing pretty good.

Illuso, with a 3 year old daughter

He's been fearing this day would come for years. A small child knocking on the door of the hideout, holding a note in hand addressed to him, just as a shady looking car drives away. Yeah, Illuso remembers your mother pretty well and he remembers the distinct lack of precautions they took during their encounter. Now, the consequences of his actions are here at his house, and Risotto is currently standing in the doorway of the office looking ready to give him the biggest dressing-down of his life.

After his tongue-lashing, Illuso frantically agrees to take responsibility for what he's done and see to it that you're well cared for, and begins the task of looking for relatives who might take you. Unfortunately, none of your mother's family can be traced, and Illuso can't exactly call up his own right now. Leaving you on the door of an orphanage isn't an option because you're old enough to say where you've come from, so it looks like for the time being, Illuso is stuck with you.

Initially, Illuso is not thrilled. He pawns you off on Melone, Sorbet and Gelato whenever possible and tries to live his life as before. But increasingly, he can't help finding himself visiting your room whenever he's stressed or has had a bad mission. There's something so pure about gently stroking your hair as you sleep. He can't help but feel... attachment, as he rubs his thumb against your tiny palm.

From then on, Illuso starts to make a point of spending more time with you. You're at the age where you just want to touch and explore everything you're given, so letting you make a mess with his makeup and beauty creams is an easy way for him to observe and learn about you. He even starts doing the more practical things like washing and feeding you every so often.

Eventually, Illuso becomes an actual father to you. He loves you as a father should and puts his time into making you happy. Illuso is glad he didn't give you away, as you've opened his eyes to so many things. For the first time in many years, he feels human. He feels redeemable.

Prosciutto, with a 13 year old son

As you tell him your story Prosciutto racks his brains. He didn't have many one-night-stands in his youth but the ones he did have were so far back he barely remembers them, so your mother's name doesn't immediately ring any bells. If it weren't for the striking resemblance between you, Prosciutto probably would have thrown you out for a liar there and then. But as you are, it's clear you're being honest. He lets you in.

After a short interrogation by Risotto to make certain you aren't acting on behalf of some third party looking to infiltrate the squad, it's agreed you can stay, so long as you keep quiet about it to your friends. At your age you can largely look after yourself and all you really needed was a roof over your head, so there's no problem with you moving into the spare room as long as you stay out of the others' way.

Education isn't much of an issue either, since you're likely well settled in your current school and can get yourself there and back. Just whatever you do, don't go telling anyone you live with a bunch of gangsters now. Prosciutto means it, you could seriously put yourself in danger if you do that.

Much to your father's ire, you end up befriending several members of the squad, especially the younger ones like Melone, Ghiaccio and Pesci who have some generational overlap with how you were raised. Prosciutto would rather you didn't do this but at the end of the day, he can't really stop you. God forbid you call him an old boomer again.

Your relationship is overall positive- Prosciutto makes a point of taking you on outings when he has the time, and giving you parental advice when you need it. However that doesn't stop you from making fun of his stuffy, old habits, and playing the moral high ground in regards to his work.

On that note, the problem comes when you develop an interest in the squad's work. It's only inevitable, given how pervasive the topic is in conversations around the house, and the fact you're more than old enough to know what a gang is, but the day you first ask him about it is no less welcome. What's scary is that you're about the same age as Passione's youngest recruits and, well, if you ended up joining them because of him, Prosciutto might never forgive himself.

Pesci, with a 6 month old son

He knew it had been a mistake. Not long after his 18th birthday he'd given in to the squad's pestering about his virginity and finally gotten rid of it just to shut them up. Now he's ridden with guilt. Not only did the poor woman get pregnant because of him but now she's died. He can't help but wonder, the letter attached to the basket you came in was very vague after all, was your mother's death at all related to your birth? If so, Pesci doesn't know how he'll forgive himself.

Pesci immediately panics and stumbles into his Fra's bedroom crying louder than you are. Prosciutto remains calm, advising him to first make sure this actually is his baby through Melone, in case this is somebody trying to trick him, and to then think through his options rationally. As far as Prosciutto sees it, he has two. He can either see to it that you're taken in by a caring, reliable individual, or he can keep you for himself. Surprisingly, Prosciutto's actually okay with the second one, since in his eyes duty to one's family is absolute.

Pesci stammers a bit and asks if he can wait a few days to make his mind up, which Prosciutto permits. But it isn't long at all until Pesci is far too attached to you to ever let you go, and it becomes clear you'll be staying for the long-run. Risotto is hardly happy about this but agrees with Prosciutto's sentiment of family, so he doesn't try to insist you be sent away.

Pesci is an incredibly loving father. He'll dash from the other side of the house at a moment's notice if he hears you crying. That said, being so young himself it's inevitable he requires some help with raising you. Sorbet and Gelato chip in quite regularly, as does Melone when Pesci is desperate enough to fall on using him. Prosciutto helps out too, being your uncle, and occasionally you've even had Risotto answer your cries.

La Squadra can only hope their situation improves somehow in the coming years, since Pesci has no idea how he's going to deal with an older child in a house full of assassins. At very least, being so young it's a long time before he has to worry about things like school. For now, what's important is that you are loved very dearly. Pesci has discovered a new protective streak in himself, something he discovers every time he looks in your eyes.

Melone, with a 4 year old son

When you arrived you were frightened and confused. You struggled to babble out the story you were told to tell as the strange men crowded around you in the front room of the house. Then, a bizarre looking man with purple hair pushed to the front of the crowd, insisting he knew what to do in a situation like this. He carried you somewhere quiet, and gently asked you to repeat your story again. You told him you were looking for your father, Melone.

Melone is elated. He's always wanted a child, but getting into a relationship stable enough to produce one has never been an option with the life he lives. Now the happy accident he never new he had has come home to him! Carrying you back to the living room, Melone introduces you as his son and announces to the team that he will be keeping you.

This is met with some protest. Not only are you of the age where you'll need constant supervision, but quite frankly, nobody trusts Melone to take care of a kid. Melone refutes their accusations harshly, making it absolutely clear he will not be giving you up without a fight. Finally, Risotto surrenders, on the terms that if he catches any signs of abuse or neglect, he will see to it personally that you are re-homed elsewhere.

Melone's parenting style is relatively laid-back. He believes parents should be a 'safe base' from which children should explore the world, coming back when they need advice but ultimately following their own whims within reason. He encourages you to play as you wish and does not stop you from bonding with the rest of the squad. Finding supervision for you while he's on missions proves to be a non-issue, since his stand's massive range means he can often do most of a mission's work at home.

When the time comes to educate you, Melone decides against the risks of enrolling you in school. He is an amazing teacher and can teach you everything you'd need in half the hours of a typical curriculum. Beyond the essentials of literacy and simple maths, Melone largely encourages you to follow you own interests rather than stick to some boring, arbitrary list of useless things a normal curriculum for some reason expects you to learn.

That said, he knows the importance of making friends, so he frequently takes you out to meet with neighbourhood children. All-in-all, the squad is surprised at his sensible parenting choices, and the happy child you are turning out to be.

Ghiaccio, with a 2 year old son

It's almost comedic the lengths Ghiaccio goes to to avoid the problem. As the others crowd around you in Melone's lap, Ghiaccio cowers in the corner insisting that you absolutely cannot be his. It's very obvious you are, of course. You look almost exactly like him, and have a cry to match. You've even inherited the same, mild visual impairments that earned him his glasses. There's no getting away from the truth.

After accepting the truth, Ghiaccio takes you away to his room to 'clear his head' before deciding where to send you in the morning, but when morning comes, that deliberation time quickly turns into a few more days, then a month, then never. It's clear Ghiaccio's become attached to you, and he cannot bring himself to give you away.

Unfortunately, he doesn't have the foggiest clue in hell how to look after a toddler. He has a hard enough time understanding what it is adults want from him, let alone small children. There are times he even considers giving you away again, but they never last long enough for him to go through with it. Bit by bit, he slowly learns how to be a father.

Melone is his primary co-parent. As cautious as Ghiaccio is about letting him around his baby, it soon becomes clear Melone can understand your needs far better than he can. The pair have many sessions together teaching Ghiaccio how to do things like wash you or cook your food. It's honestly a massive help, and probably the main reason Ghiaccio doesn't completely melt down within a month of having you.

These issues aside, Ghiaccio is a person who is very genuine in his affections. He would break the shins of anyone who even looked at you threateningly, and every fibre of his being wants you to be happy. He even learns to control his temper, as he knows from experience just how damaging an angry parent can be for a child. He's going to give you a better childhood than what his parents gave him, and that's a promise.

Risotto, with a 6 year old daughter

Well, perhaps this ought to have been expected. In his early 20s Risotto was really far less careful than he ought to be in regards to his encounters, so he probably had this coming. You are at a difficult age, old enough to understand your father is a criminal but young enough to still need his care. If he takes you in, there will be many challenges. And yet he cannot bring himself to turn you away. Looking at you he feels... obligation.

In the early days he tries his best to shelter you. He keeps you in his room and tells the others not to talk to you. But that's no way for you to live, and he knows it. Eventually, he swallows his fears and lets you explore your new home, even taking you out to the park a few minutes each day so you can run around. He talks to Melone about continuing your education, and asks Sorbet and Gelato if they'd let the spare room next to them be turned into a bedroom for you. He's going to make sure he raises you right.

Risotto may be quiet and introverted, but do not mistake that for emotionally distant. He does not underestimate his vital role in your emotional well-being, and is quick to pick up on when you are feeling sad or lonely. He makes sure to pick you up in his arms and ask what's wrong when that happens.

Though he didn't know her well, he mourns your mother with you, and is very watchful for the signs of attachment issues that may result from losing a parent at such a tender age. Being all you have left, Risotto gains a new instinct of self-preservation. For the first time in years, his life has meaning.

In terms of bonding, he prefers calm activities that allow him to passively observe your interests, such as watching movies or reading you books. When he's working in his office and doesn't need his camera on, he's happy for you to sit in his lap as long as you're quiet. He would ask if you don't read what's on his screen, though, at least not while you're so young. He'll give you a better explanation of what he's doing some day, but not just yet.

Sorbet and Gelato, with a 12 year old daughter

First of all, let's make clear that regardless of which one is biologically your father, they both feel equal responsibility for you. No doubt they were both present for your conception anyway, so as far as they're concerned, if one of them has a secret kid from a hookup, they both have a secret kid from a hookup.

Having always wanted children, they are happy when you appear on the doorstep and introduce yourself as their daughter. Though they don't say it out loud to avoid upsetting you, they kind of wish your mum had kicked it sooner so they could have raised you from a younger age, but they're more than happy to make do with what they've got. There's no hesitation in welcoming you to live with them permanently, and anyone who has a problem with this isn't brave enough to say it.

Right from the get-go they are very permitting parents, awarding you a generous helping of their cash each week and having a rule list that pretty much starts and ends with "don't talk to the police." Despite your age they don't expect you to be independent, and are happy to cook for you and help you out with other things when you ask. It seems parenthood was made for them.

Despite all this, there is one problem in your relationship that is making things difficult. That of your fathers' work. You're 12 years old and you aren't stupid. You know they kill for a living and you know they enjoy it. When you stumble into the bathroom at 1am to find them covered in blood and laughing together, there's no making excuses. No matter how good they are with you, this is going to make you afraid of them.

Sorbet and Gelato are incredibly stringent in solving these early issues. After all these years they've finally got the family they wanted, and they aren't going to let it slip away from their own cruelty. They are honest with you about their occupation, since they want you to know you can trust them, and make absolutely clear it won't affect their care for you. You are welcome to ask questions and receive honest answers, but other than that Sorbet and Gelato will make a point of not accidentally causing you to witness something you shouldn't.

With them, you are welcome to continue your old life in terms of school and friends. They want to spend time with you, but they don't want to overtake your existence completely. When you are up for it, they are keen to take you on outings that interest you so you can spend time together as a family. They hope you know how happy you make them.

[bridgyrose]

Alright, time for the post that no one asked for! Which ship had more development between Bmblby and Blacksun!

Gonna preface a few things first: I dont particularly ship either ship, so I'm going to do this with as little bias as possible.

This is only over the first 3 volumes, so anything after the fall of Beacon isnt taken into consideration right now.

And the rules are as follows:

First, winking will not be considered. Since people keep saying a wink isnt inherently confirming of a relationship, I'll ignore any winks and judge the scenes based on the content.

Second, scenes will be judged by whether or not you could replace any character and still get the same effect. (the more you can replace, the better in my opinion)

And lastly, since I keep seeing this coming up as well, the only evidence I will consider for absolute confirmation is of any sort of kiss in the first 3 volumes. Although, its going to feel a bit rushed and out of nowhere since the first 3 volumes takes place over 4-6 months at best.

Without further ado... everything will be under the cut.

Starting with Vol 1, after re-watching, there really wasn't any build up to either ship. Which, doesnt surprise me considering that Sun doesnt show up until the end of Vol 1 and the entirety of that volume is centered around introducing the characters, the world in which they live, and just general ideas on what it's like being a huntsman academy. But there are still a few scenes to note in vol 1:

Initiation: Its a quick blur, but you can see Blake rush across the screen once we see Yang walking through the forest. At that point, its safe to assume that Blake had already made her choice on who she wanted, which is further implemented with Blake helping Yang out with an Ursa.

Its safe to assume that between talking with Ruby the night before and seeing hearing how what she thought of Yang didn't quite match her thoughts.

Our next scene comes to Sun and his infamous "slow-mo wink introduction." As per the rules, I'm ignoring the wink and going straight off the content of the scene itself. Which, doesnt leave much. We know he pinpoints Blake as a faunus very quickly and he has some sort of infatuation with her, but the scene alone doesnt give us much.

However, that one does lead into the end of the Vol: Blake runs off from her friends and takes her bow off to finally show us her ears. At which point, Sun comments that he knew she'd look better without it. So that already shows that 1) Sun definitely pinpointed Blake being a faunus early on, and 2) he wanted to talk to her and this provided the right opportunity. Or... so he thought. Especially since the next scene opens up with him half complaining that they've spent 2 days together and all she's done is make small talk.

Which is all pretty on par for Blake. She then spends the next bit talking about her past, how she was pretty much born into the White Fang, stayed with it after it went from peaceful protests to more anger filled, until leaving Adam just a few months ago. After all of this, Sun asks if she's told her friends, to which we can assume she answers no to, you know, since she ran. Overall, it ends up leading Sun into going a bit gung-ho about helping Blake with the White fang.

Overall, Vol 1 did well to start putting together dynamics between Blake and her friends. Sun and Yang both make different impressions on Blake, both of which she ends up seeing as friends... for now.

Vol 2, is a bit of a strange one. Our first introduction to Beacon is Sun basically telling Neptune how cool team RWBY is, emphasizing a bit on Blake. Which does end up bringing us to the meat of the first half of vol 2: Blake worrying over the White Fang. Now, because of this, we dont see any build up between Blake and Sun or Blake and Yang while they go around town to figure out what the White Fang and Torchwick are up to. Sun makes a good point that Blake shouldnt go to the rally alone, and the two pair off while Yang goes to the club with Neptune.

Once the dance arc comes along, that's where things take an interesting turn. Sun immediately asks a sleep deprived Blake to the dance, in probably the most awkward way since he's trying to say the dance is lame, but would be less lame if the two of them went together.

Sun definitely cares about Blake and actively tried to help her calm down a bit. Which, ultimately, she never says no, just that she doesnt have time for a dance. So, I give this one a +1 in points for build up.

Then, we get to the burning the candle speech. Which, a lot of people seem to write off as either pointless or not build up. Personally, it gets a +1 in points on build up for me on this. First, Yang is absolutely worried about her partner, seeing her go down the same path she did when she was much younger. She immediately starts by telling Blake that she doesnt want her to stop, just to slow down and take a breather. And she ultimately makes a strong point: slowing down isnt a luxury, its a necessity.

This also end s up being the first time we see Yang open up and drop the party girl demeanor that she's had. She talks about her mother, someone that she doesnt talk to many people about, and just how much it hurt her to find out that Raven left shortly after she was born.

After an emotionally charged discussion, we finally see the point that Yang had been trying to get Blake to see:

And it finally does work. Blake slows down, takes a rest, and ultimately enjoys herself at the dance. Which, in her own words, she technically goes with Sun.

Overall, the dance arc in general gives great build up to both ships. Which ultimately is the end for the Black Sun build up.

Bmblby doesnt get much more build up in vol 2, the only other notable scene being the campfire where Yang, Blake, and Weiss start opening up a bit more to each other to figure out why each of them are becoming huntresses. Which absolutely gives a bit more foundation to the friendships they have.

Vol 3 ends up having most of the build up between Blake and Yang. The first major scene being after Yang was disqualified for breaking Mercury's leg. When Yang finally asked her team if they trust her, Blake is the only one who doesnt immediately say yes, instead, saying she wants to. Leading us to this face from Yang:

(yes, I know, captions are a bit off, deal with it.)

But Yang ends up being distressed by her own partner saying that she wants to trust, but doesnt yet. Blake ultimately ends up opening up about Adam, telling us how she used to trust him... until accidents started piling up. Eventually, she looks at Yang and asks her to look her in the eye and tell her she didnt do anything wrong. When Yang does, Blake allows herself to trust Yang.

Which then brings us to the biggest piece of buildup between the two: Adam. When Adam shows up, he starts using words like "my darling", hammering in that at one point, the two had something going on. He decides immediately he wants to hurt Blake just like she hurt him by leaving. But what really hammers in Blake's feelings for Yang, is the fear she had on her face when she heard Yang's voice not so far away... and right where Adam can hear her. It doesnt take long for Adam to look down at Blake, notice the fear, and then look in the direction of Yang, ultimately stating that he'll destroy everything Blake loves, starting with her.

Now, I know a lot of people will dismiss that as "it could've been anyone. If Sun had shown up, it would've been the same." And honestly, yes, it would've. This moment here is what solidifies who Blake ultimately cares about. Had it been Sun to come around, no doubt she'd show the same fear. But it wasnt him. Instead, it was Yang, who immediately found Weiss and asked where Blake had gone. And we further see her feelings for Yang cemented by the way she blames herself that Yang got hurt. The way she stays close, gently reaches for Yang's hand, the emotion of the entire scene after they get to safety.

Sun does ultimately care about Blake, and helps out where he can, but at least in vol 3, he had his own priorities of making sure everyone could make it to safety.

TL;DR: Both ships had a bit of build up in vol 2 and 3, although, the build up that Bmblby had outweighs the buildup that Blacksun has. Blake definitely had feelings for both, but ultimately, it took until Adam was a threat for her to realize the feelings that she had for Yang, and even then, she still wasnt entirely sure what they were until later in the series. At this point, the only reason anyone can say that Bmblby has little build up is due to either a higher bar for f/f ships (because, lets face it, everyone takes the wink from vol 1 as absolute confirmation for blacksun because its m/f) or they continue to deny that sometimes, there are multiple ways to show buildup between two people for a relationship and the slowburn route usually takes an emotional route over a physical route. And look, Blake has two hands. Take that as you will.

[butterflydm]

wot reread: the shadow rising (chap 11- chap 15)

spoilers through the end of the shadow rising

1. Egwene goes adventuring in TAR! She’s trying to investigate to see if the Tanchico story is true. So I got the elephant skeleton and the giraffe skeleton, but the ‘big as a bear but with two long teeth’, I’m not sure what that one is. This is also where the Mercedes-Benz logo shows up, lol. We’ve got the bracelets of suffering, the broken ter’angreal, the not-broken angreal. Lots going on in the Panarch’s Palace.

2. One of Egwene’s dreams: “Mat wrestling with a Seanchan woman who tied an invisible leash to him.” 🥺🥺😥😥😭😭 The leashes theme is so painfully real for so many of the characters and it hurts my heart.

3. Ah, and she accidentally travels to the Aiel Waste in the dream because of thinking about something Aviendha mentioned about Aiel Wise ones being able to interpret dreams.

4. She meets Amys and has a spotting of Birgitte! Nice! Not bad for her first non-ring trip. She gets her formal invite to visit Amys and learn dreamwalking (under semi-false pretense -- she does lie about being a full Aes Sedai sister, as they’ve been doing this whole trip).

5. Elayne learned about first-sisters in the last book, and now she learns about sister-wives (women who marry the same man). It was implied in the last book (”let no man” etc) but Aviendha makes it clear here.  Aviendha points out that, in Aiel culture, if that if two women are close to each other but then attracted to the same man, it’s considered better for them to marry the guy than to ruin their relationship by fighting over said guy. the ‘two hands’ meme, essentially. I wonder if the show will also give us brother-husbands as well. They seem willing to do the poly stuff so far and even expand on it a bit so 🤞.

6. Aviendha gets summoned to Rhuidean and she’s so unhappy about it. 🥺 🥺 🥺  it’s okay bby. 🥺 🥺 🥺

7. Perrin and Mat having a conversation about the Two Rivers and about Rand’s ta’veren pull on them -- Mat can’t even tell Perrin that he will go with him, now that the option is on the table, while Perrin says the one reason to go is able to outweigh all the reasons to stay with Rand. In fact, Perrin was able to actually start packing to leave as soon as he heard the rumors about Whitecloaks in the Two Rivers. Though, since he is one of the people the Whitecloaks are specifically hunting, he has strong guilt-based reasons to want to go solve the problem.

8. Yeah, Mat refers here to the (now-established through changes in the Rand/Egwene backstory) tradition of the Two Rivers’ parents arranging marriages for the Two Rivers’ boys without their knowledge or consent, and basically just presenting it as a done deal and steamrolling them into it.

9. Berelain dismisses the idea of chasing after Mat because she thinks they’re too similar. I’m just gonna sit and imagine that plotline for a moment, if they’d done it. This belief of hers tells us a lot either about how she sees herself or how she sees Mat. Or both. Ironically, I think this romance might have worked out a lot better than Berelain thinks it would. I don’t think she’s anywhere near as good at reading men as she believes that she is (as we saw from how badly she read Rand in chapter 2).

10. lol, Berelain is 100% unwilling to admit to Perrin that Rand has absolutely forbidden her to ever try to speak to him in private again. Fear is strong but her pride is stronger. Also, she goes into his rooms as well without knocking, and so catches him shirtless, a common theme from TDR, now brought back again.

11. “I always get what I want in the end.” Again, considering how total and complete Rand’s rejection of her was, this stinks of her trying to salvage her pride.

12. And here Faile, for possibly the first time in her life, actually WANTS all the power that comes along with her birthright, because she’s realized that being seen as ‘just’ a peasant actually doesn’t have the kind of power that she feels she would need to challenge Berelain. That being said. Kinda hate that it’s in service to what is, essentially, a ‘catfight’, as Faile’s struggle about whether or not to accept her upbringing now that she can see that it has things that would help her get what she wants in her current life actually is compelling.

13. Ah, yeah, Berelain was somewhat interested in Perrin before, but only enough to try to lure him to Mayene, but she wasn’t going to go particularly out of her way for it. It’s Faile attacking her with a knife that makes her decide that she wants him enough to change her plans in order to try to yank him away from Faile. It’s now much more about making Faile lose him than it is about actually getting Perrin herself (going back to Nynaeve’s accurate character analysis of Berelain!).

14. And when Rhuarc breaks up the fight, Faile tries to attack him, too. Between this and hitting Perrin when she felt frustrated and angry, violence really does seem like it’s Faile’s primary language, and one that she is equally willing to use on enemies, neutral parties, and the people she claims to care about. Which. Is not my personal preference in characters. To put it mildly. But it’s also an interesting contrast to how Perrin constantly struggles with the idea of violence, that he fell in love with someone who defaults to violence so readily.

15. REDSTONE DOOR TIME!

16. Fascinating and delightful and creepy. Love me some redstone doorway time. This is just one of those sections that is an amazing journey to read. This book has several of those sections, which may be why I remember it as one of my favorites. There’s a great slow-building horror in this section.

17. Mat learns his fate. 🥺🥺😥😥😭😭

18. Doorway couldn’t handle three people inside all at once, and one of those people being Rand. It got stressed. And Mat has to again forcibly remind himself that Rand isn’t who he used to be, because when he looks at Rand, he does still see the same person. lol, he thinks that Rand is acting super-cool and wishes he could emulate it.

19. And Moiraine is mad at Rand for trying to find his own answers but, of course, when he turns the question on her, she’s no more ready to share the questions that she asked and the answers that she got. We also find out here that Mat was able to easily speak an ancient dialect of the Old Tongue with the Aelfinn and didn’t even notice he was doing it..

[kirumod]

hello!! could i request headcanons for a gender neutral reader who is very energetic and optimistic, sort of like tenko, who is dating kirumi and wants to show her that her needs matter too? thanks so much in advance, have a wonderful day! your writing is amazing.

i appreciate getting requests with kirumi. as you may have guessed, she is very dear to my heart, so thank you for sending a request with her!

thank you so much for your kind words, anon! i loved writing this, it was very fun. it turned out to be very fluffy and cute. i hope you like it<3

The contrast between you and Kirumi is quite noticeable, and most are surprised to know that you are dating. Your optimism overshadows Kirumi's more realistic view on life— and pessimistic view regarding herself & her needs.

You recall the beginning of your relationship being quite dreary for you and exhausting for Kirumi. You used to compare talking with Kirumi to operating a machine; taking everything you say as a command. It was awkward at times, and 'conversations' often turned into one-sided chatter where your vitality outweighed her rigidity. You could not fathom why she seemingly had no concern for her own wants and needs, and you had to fight the impulse to ask her such a personal question. Despite this, you held immense respect for her steadfast conviction & unwavering resolve.

As for her, she was dazed by your relentless energy and occasionally found herself at a loss for words. Of course, she remained dignified and did not turn down your 'requests for conversation' as she put it, unless she had a crucial matter she needed to attend to. You were always one to initiate any interaction, but that is not to say that she disliked talking to you. Conversely, she admired your persistent positivity & incessant idealism, and as trust and understanding between you grew, she began prying about your attitude with curiosity and appreciation.

Every so often, you'd notice her neglecting even basic necessities such as eating in favor of taking care of others. Serving people overpowered her desires— or was it that serving people was her one desire? You found that difficult to believe. Either way, Kirumi was neglecting herself, and that bothered you. You weren't sure why you cared so much, and gradually, you found your thoughts preoccupied wondering about Kirumi.

True to your honest nature, you didn't attempt to hide your interest in Kirumi. You showed it with questions of concern such as "have you had lunch yet?" and "did you sleep well last night?", purposely phrased as questions instead of requests.

Then, the simple questions turned into lovingly made lunch boxes, walking through dimly lit streets, whispering good night wishes... You were a bit embarrassed by how attached you were to her, and spent many restless nights doubting that she felt the same. Hoping that she felt the same.

You remember the start of your relationship.

During a dinner with Kirumi in your house, you held back discomfort as Kirumi began cleaning up— something that you've begrudgingly grown used to. Ignoring her utterances that assured you she could take care of it, you followed her to the kitchen and waited for her to set down the platters she had. You watched her as she turned to you and felt your stomach turn over itself. Her confident gaze had wavered into a blank, soulless expression, and her upright posture trembled.

Then she collapsed. All your logic was muddied with dread, but you pushed through your clouded cognition and clutched Kirumi before her frail body fell to the ground. With no hint of hesitation in your actions, you carried her to bed and helped her with a glass of water followed by something sweet, concern evident from your sweating hands.

Thankfully, her condition improved soon after. She had been exhausted from countless days of overworking with very little sleep; you were grateful that nothing worse happened. That didn't stop you from sporadically scolding her with quick, jumbled sentences that stopped making sense at some point.

Kirumi stopped your erratic rambling to reassure you that all is well, but your worry only intensified. You subdued for a moment to wrap your hands around hers. Holding her breath, Kirumi waited for you to continue your scolding, startled to hear your next words spoken delicately yet desperately. "Please... Look after yourself,"

"You don't realize how much you mean to me– and how much you matter. You're important, Kirumi, not just to me or to your clients," you faltered for a bit before focusing your eyes on hers, "I hope you don't take this as a request. Because it's not! I just– I just want you to value yourself. You... Your needs are more essential than everything else– than everyone else." You continue staring into her bewildered eyes, stuttering more than ever before as you watch her. "So, please..."

Silence falls over the room, and you begin to let go of her hands. Before you can, though, she reaches out and holds your face in her palms, smiling as tears formed in her eyes. For once, Kirumi was at a loss for words, unable to do anything but try to keep her weak smile. You pull her head over your shoulder, wrapping yourself around her in a tight embrace, and her façade drops as she sobs.

Undignified, unseemly, inelegant- those were all words that could describe how she felt about herself in that moment. But she couldn't bring herself to stop, comforted by your warm affection & love.

After an eternity in your compassionate embrace, Kirumi leans back and speaks. "Thank you," she says, "S/O.. There is nothing I can say that may remain true to just how grateful I am to you. Your kindness, your affection, warmth... I am undeserving, S/O."

"I have avoided my feelings for so long, in fear of them becoming a hindrance to you or to my services. But, if I wish to honor your wishes..." she halts, before continuing with a genuine — and breathtaking — smile, "... If I wish to honor my wishes, I must be honest with you."

"I love you, S/O All this time, you've tried to care for me, concerned with my wellbeing, whilst treating me with kindness I've never felt before," she wipes her tears before continuing, "How could I not be infatuated with you?" she quietly chuckles.

It's your turn to hold her face between your arms, grinning and laughing. Kirumi is stunned, unsure whether or not she had said something wrong, but her worries fade when you lean into her and plant a soft kiss on her lips.

With your enthusiasm shining through stronger than ever, you call out, "I love you too! I love you so, so much! More than you can ever imagine! I love you, I love you, I love you!" It almost sounds like a spell, a declaration of your unending love, more fervent than any optimism could ever be; more passionate than any desire.

Overwhelmed by your intensity, she fell wordless again, but not before returning your kiss with one of her own; one that whispered all the love she could not describe, one that screamed her devotion and adoration like no words ever could.

Her resolute devotion and your paralyzing fervor were one, stemming from a fondness that would endure to become an eternal love.

You were not so different, after all.

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Hi again! I come to you today with a question that may simply be a continuity error, but I'm still interested in your thoughts! In the main story, le Comte *knows* it was MC that came through the door behind him. Yet in Comte's "One Night, Beneath the Crescent Moon" POV story, he said he "...had no idea of what would happen next... That she would end up using the same door and end up stuck on the other side." What's your take on it? Thanks in advance! 💛

Hiya! First off I wanna apologize for how long it took to reply oTL I had originally drafted a response and then lost it when I accidentally closed the tab, and whenever that happens I always have to like sufficiently mourn the words I lost 😂😂😂

But to answer your question! If I’m entirely honest, I can’t remember what it was Comte said exactly in the Main Story in regards to her entering the door. There could be a lot of explanations for him saying he “knew”: continuity error, him wanting to put her at ease by seeming “in control” of the situation (while he’s screaming internally), or maybe even him wanting to cast some doubt as to whether or not he’s a person that can be trusted (aka the whole like “MC nooooooo don’t trust me I’m a vampire very bad very scary run away” kind of like Leonardo). 

All that being said, given the evidence we have and the stories I’ve read from his POV--esp that Crescent Moon one you referenced--I’m most inclined to believe that he had no idea she would follow him that day at the Louvre. If anything I really don’t think he ever anticipated any human person could follow him through the door? Because remember Sebastian (and the suitors for that matter) only manage because Comte is their escort. Sure their will to live on was strong enough that he could hear them, but they had no capacity to approach or find a door on their own as far as we currently know. The door was closed when MC found it; this suggests that Comte fully closed off that avenue to make sure nobody wayward stepped in by accident. He did the responsible thing and he left long before he could ascertain her safe journey through time, but she still managed to make it across somehow.

That’s why I think MC’s mere existence is earth-shattering to Comte. I mean we have all the good basics: a lovely lady, sweet and hard-working, means well and does her best. And these attributes all do matter, for sure. But the door is perhaps a greater catalyst in their romance than we might have first anticipated.

There will be some semi-hefty JPN rt spoilers below the cut for Dazai and Comte, so I’m just going to keep it under wraps just in case there are people who want to remained 100% unspoiled:

TW: Mentions of suicide in Dazai’s rt

The reason I say this is twofold, based on information provided by Dazai and Comte’s Main Story route. In Dazai’s route, remember that the focal point of the story is that Dazai wants to go back in time to kill himself as a baby so that he can never grow up to write his books or cause anyone pain in the near future--essentially, suicidal ideation to a frightening extreme. One of the main reasons that he fails (though MC plays a significant role in stopping him, too) is that Dazai’s will to kill himself is too weak. In simpler terms, this means that--no matter how much he insisted he wanted to die, the truth of his heart was revealed in his constant hesitating and difficulty going through with it. This is very often a reaction from people who need sizable psychological assistance to overcome trauma; they don’t usually want to die, it’s more that the pain of surviving their experiences is outweighing any possible joy they can find in living. 

But back to the most important part in bold. When Dazai asks about being able to use the door to travel through time, Charles confirms that it’s possible to travel without a pureblood escort. HOWEVER. This type of travel is very, very difficult unless you have an intense sense of willpower. I imagine the implication here is that you have to have an overwhelming desire and firmly believe it’s where you want to be in order for the travel attempt to succeed at all. (I don’t think the tethering point necessarily matters, but there is a suggestion that strong bonds between people--whether platonic or romantic--can serve as powerful guideposts when the door is distorted.) In other words, the reason Dazai relies on Charles’ moral bankruptcy is because Dazai knows he doesn’t feel strongly enough to go through with the suicide. He needs someone else who has the sheer determination and unbending will to see it through when the door opens. 

This is why Dazai is forced to ask Charles to accompany him, even though Charles doesn’t necessarily want to kill him. For Charles, this is less about a desperation to kill Dazai and more about his intense obsession-love for MC, and his willingness to do anything to receive her love/attention in return. In Charles’ view, since MC is ostensibly in love with Dazai, removing Dazai from the picture permanently is ideal. While Charles’ judgement is clouded and a little horrific, he is nonetheless rock steady in comparison to Dazai’s nonstop wavering. Dazai knows that he’s fickle on a personal level; one moment he wants to die, another he’s too afraid to let go of what he does care about or upset anyone. He’s at a point where he doesn’t know what’s right or true anymore and he’s floundering, which is honestly fairly common among those who share his lamentable condition. (Most people don’t have a death wish--it’s more a combination of circumstantial problems and healing that has remained in stasis that constitutes the extremity of that behavior.)

Moving right along, Comte’s route also features a similar testament to willpower, believe it or not. This happens in the last few chapters of the main story. Basically, Shakespeare dumps MC on Vlad’s doorstep and she’s more or less suffering the latter’s monologuing for a good while. Not long after that Comte appears and nearly shoots Vlad in the head, the bullet just grazing his cheek. Comte demands that he let MC go, and Vlad--in a classic sadistic act of compliance--wrenches open the door and just tosses MC into the freefall of distorted spacetime.

Now this is dangerous to MC’s life in and of itself, but there’s a key element there: distorted spacetime. In this main story the door never returns to its normal state after that first month period. Rather, the expanse of the door is too dangerous to be traveled even by a pureblood, let alone a human being. The chances MC will ever be able to escape in order to survive are closer to zero than any other number. Remember that Comte is immortal. If he gets stuck on his own, he can’t die and the damage to his body is always more than able to heal when he’s back to safety. (He even warns Leonardo in Leo’s MS that the danger of getting stuck in some kind of pocket in spacetime is still too significant to be ignored, though I can’t be sure if that’s due to Leonardo’s inexperience with time travel/requirement for an escort, or just an inevitable risk you juggle anytime you travel through the door.)

Of course Comte leaps in after her to try to save her, but presumably their entry point is long gone now (Vlad shut the door), so they’re just kind of floating in amorphous time. They do and don’t exist. Comte is understandably distraught because MC’s life hangs in the balance; if they don’t find a way out, she is almost certainly going to die. Comte admits that--while he hates the fact that his very existence is a danger to her, he still doesn’t regret finding her by any extension. MC protests, naturally, that there’s nothing to regret. Circumstances be what they may, she loves him. 

Now, here is the key. While Comte is trying to think of a way out, MC is thinking hard about wanting to return to the mansion. Her mind reflects an acute, intense desire to return home to the place where they both belong. And wouldn’t you know it? They both suddenly tumble out of the door in the mansion and onto the carpeted floor, whole and alive, sputtering in disbelief. Comte is baffled at first but it can only give way to immense relief that she’s safe, and he just immediately breaks down.

The only reason the two make it out unscathed is because of--I can only assume--MC’s overwhelming will to live on with Comte and return to the mansion. While it would have been natural for her to be overcome by fear to the point where she could make no productive decision, or even humor the concept of focusing on their home, she does it all the same with immediate success. That’s also part of why I think Comte just 100% caves into both of their feelings in the next chapter. He saw firsthand that, not only does MC keep a level head under duress, but she also has the overpowering will necessary to survive amongst vampires. And it was perhaps this unshakeable will in the first place that landed her in the late 19th century all those weeks ago.

It’s interesting because, honestly? Her entry through the door is more or less a hinge point for their romance. While it obviously isn’t the only reason he cares about her, it definitely is one of the bigger reasons he even feels safe enough to court her in earnest in the aftermath. It is literally only after this event that he confesses everything. Why he created the mansion and the men. How he’s really felt about her and himself all this time. What Vlad showed her and the implications of Vlad’s existence. And finally the truth about what he wants. He wants a relationship with her, but he keeps being held back by the fear that he’s too much. That the demand of being by his side will outweigh any happiness she might find choosing him. (Granted MC and I find that preposterous given how attentive and considerate he is, but you know). But after seeing her pull off surviving Vlad and traveling through the door by her own willpower again? I think it sufficiently lessens his doubts as to whether she could handle a future with him. It gives him the courage to just ask her: Do you want a future with me? Can you handle the demands of a vampire that cannot accept a mere human lifetime to be in love? 

And so this is why I have unceasing Comte brainworms ladies and gentlethem. I need to go lie down before I start crying again, I love him oTL

[impala1967dwinchester]

Sam Winchester: Trouble Makers

Pairing: Teen!Sam W. x Teen!Reader

Pov: Sam

Warnings: Fluff, Sam, making trouble, kissing, teenage love, Getting into trouble.

Summary: All the two of them is getting into trouble and each other.

Word Count: 2k

A/N: This is just cuteness, with a teenager Sam, straight fluff between Sam and the reader. Also written for band-psychos 1.5 followers bingo writing challenge 2021.

Square: Late night adventure

Sam Winchester Master list

Main Master list

Taglist: @band--psycho @sweetdetectivequeen @wonderfulworldofwinchester

"Come on Sam, hurry your ass up!" Y/n said half screaming and half whispering at me from the window. I grumbled and moved in my bed.

"Sam, you promised we'd go out tonight!" She whispered. I tossed in my bed before throwing the sheets away from my warm body. I had worn my previous day's clothes to bed, knowing that Y/n would be at my window way too early.

"Quiet down, give me a second," I said pushing my sneakers on and standing up. She stood in front of my window, leaving it open just a bit for her. She danced outside the window and gave me a look of excitement.

I grabbed my cell phone and jumped out of the window. It was more chiller than I anticipated. Y/n dressed in jeans, a long-sleeved shirt, and a fluffy long sweater. It was cute. She looked warm as she danced and moved in front of me. She hummed with her eye closed barely missing bumps in the sidewalk, or garbage in the street.

"Y/n watch out would ya'" I said running to catch up with her. I have known Y/n since we were little kids that played in the sandbox at school. Basically growing up with each other. Both of us school being smart, and street smart with people.

She was the type of girl that dressed up for homecoming and graduation but at her heart, she was a full-out tomboy. She is beautiful she stops in the road turns and swings to look at me. Her smile only becomes bigger as she remembers that I'm behind her.

Today at school I had promised Y/n during our second period ap class. She had already been begging me for the last week. Texting me during the week.

"Y/n since you're the one who wanted to go out. What are your plans for tonight?" I asked, looking over at her. Without missing a beat, "Yeah, I have an idea. With it being two in the morning, I was thinking we could go to the old arcade place down on western street." She said smiling, with begging eyes behind that smile.

Whatever you want Y/n, you know all you gotta do is ask me and I'll give it to you. What else would I do for you? Anything to see that bright smile in the light of the moon. Anything to be the boy... man that makes you feel like you're at the top of the world.

"We can figure it out, Y/n," I said taking her hand in mine. We usually walked around for a few hours before getting into trouble wherever we would, or we could possibly never be found out about.

We walked down the street, hands together clasped together like she never wanted to let go of me. It was that homey feeling. The feeling of knowing no matter what else is going on outside, or maybe just around our bubble. Nothing is messing with our moments together.

I'd like to think that's why sometimes we don't get caught. That's the best feeling. But regardless of that, let me tell you of the night that I got into some trouble with my dear Y/n.

We had finally made our way to the arcade. No cars parked outside, and all the lights were out. This was the same building that was lit up during the day and always had a full parking lot in front. It was also the place that Dean would take me most of the time when he had a girl or girls over at the house.

I had all the high scores on the speed racing machines, and I knew all the right patterns for getting the most tickets. The number of tickets I'd have by the end of the day was shocking. The times that I'd gone up to the front desks and claimed my prizes were great.

But that was outweighed by the times that with said tickets I had taken soft animals and stupid little items for Y/n. No, we weren't dating, but yes how much I wished I could have her for my own. take care of her like she's supposed to be.

Y/n had become my friend in a science class. Dean had introduced her to a douchebag, which ended up breaking her heart. Since then Y/n has come to me every time a boy has hurt her, but I've never been harsh and rude about the things she tells me I just console her and do what 'friends' are supposed to do.

'Friends' aren't supposed to fall for each other. They aren't supposed to wake up at two in the morning to break into a building just so she can have some midnight fun.

Y/n hasn't dated anyone in a long while, but the fear of her doing so is raw and harsh for me. Afraid that I'll have to pick up the pieces again, repair her and not kill that guy that broke her down yet again. I just wish.

I wish that she be smart enough to see that she has an amazing guy standing right next to her already. There's no need to go searching through the pit of bad guys, or guys that just want her body for sex.

I don't want those things right now... I just want her heart, I want her beautiful mind. To realize that she isn't missing out because I'm already there for her.

Regardless of that, we had arrived at the old arcade building. Y/n pulled a bobby pin from her hair one that was already there in case she needed it. She was much the female version of macgyver.

Lock picking the front door wasn't that hard. But having Y/n over my shoulder only made me feel hot, it was a weird feeling. My body could feel her eyes tracing down my body.

Down my spine, it tingled. Back up to my neck. it was so strange. I wonder if this is how Y/n feels when my gaze gets stuck on her in school, or just when she's walking in front of me.

"Sammy, you brought the quarters right?" She questioned me as I shut the door after letting her walk in first. "Come on Y/n you know I always do," I said, locking the door just in case.

Going to machines first, she grasped m hand and pulled me with her. Her hands were so soft and warm. They were much smaller than mine. But you ever get that feeling where something is just right, I wonder if Y/n feels it too?

"Come on Sammy, please!" She said as I handed her the quarters for the stupidest game they had. Pac man. The game that Y/n had a strong love/hate relationship with. Her love for the design of the game, but her hate for how she could never get past my high score.

"Sammy go play a game before the sun comes up and we have to leave." She said turning her head slightly to glare at me. "No, Y/n I think I'll stay right here," I said with a cock tone.

"Yeah stay here and watch me fail."She said rolling her eyes before going back to the game. She tried four times before giving up and grabbing my hand once again leading me towards the ski ball area.

"Mr. Kay has really kicked up this area," I said looking at the different colored machines and how many he really did have. She looked around a raised eyebrow before opening my hand and taking the necessary number of quarters and starting a game.

Let me remind you we were doing this all in the dark. She giggled as the balls dispensed. She was thought just a second early causing her fingers to get in the way of the balls. "Shit." I turned around

"What? Did you... Are you okay?" I said stumbling across my words. "Yeah I'm fine Sammy, the balls just hit my fingers." She said as I held her hand in my own inspecting her fingers. Before kissing them all individually.

When I looked up she was blushing and smiling. My actions now processing in my head. "I'm so sorry, I didn't... I'm..." "Sammy it's okay, you know if I had a problem with something I'd most definitely tell you." She said patting my cheek gently, before going back to her game.

I felt so hot, so warm, so in love. Is that possible to fall in love with someone just by what they say. Because if so, that's what had just happened.

when Y/n had finished that game. I couldn't help but let my hands roam, they roamed up her back, up her spine, just behind her neck. "Sam? What?" She started to talk.

But I think she might have got lost in my eyes, or maybe in the moment. IOnce her eye met mine, I couldn't help but kiss her, bring her lips closer to me.

Y/n let me guiding her lips towards my own. She plump kissable lips towards me. She at this moment looked so beautiful, so perfect. The sun was starting to come in from the big glass-paned windows. It laid nicely across her face and her body.

Once our lips did finally meet. It felt like magic if that's even possible. Her hands coming up to grasp my face, mine falling down to her hips, pulling her closer to my body.

"Y/n" I breathed out, turning her in my grasp before I gently laid her down onto one of the used ski-ball machines. She moaned into our kiss, but unfortunately, there's a thing call air. And we both so desperately needed it.

We stayed in this position for a moment catching our breath, but not before we could get any further. The light of the building turned on, I was so dazed and stuck in the gaze of Y/n sweet eyes. I didn't hear the click of the old man's shoes against the tile floor.

"Excuse me?" I heard. In the slipt of a second, I was off of Y/n and standing, as if I had just been caught by my father. "I'm so sorry Mt. Kay. We'll be leaving now. I'm so sorry, please don't tell my father." I jumbled out, grabbing Y/n's hand to pull her up.

He took one look at Y/n and me. He smiled and spoke in a rather harsh voice. "I did feel like I had forgotten somethin' last night. You two are fine. I remember sneakin' away with my girl many years ago. And don't fear, Sammy I won't be tellin' anyone." Mr. Kay said waving us off.

I could feel Y/n's heartbeat in her hand. We walked out the front door, the sun beaming just over the peak of the trees. We walked in silence before Y/n spoke, "You know I thought that was going to worse than it did." She said, our hands still clasped together.

Her hair a wreck since I had run my hand through it while making out with her. "We finally got caught," I said, looking forward. The number of mixed emotions going on in my body right now was confusing the hell out of me.

"Sam?" She said. "Sam, what's going in your mind? I can see the steam pouring out of your ears." She said trying to make me laugh. "Sam please talk to me?" She said tugging on my hand.

"Y/n... I'm sorry." Her eyebrows bent inward. "What? You've.. Huh?" She said stopping in her spot. " I'm sorry that I just kiss you like that, and that we got caught."

She just smiled and rolled her eyes. "Stop apologizing, I liked you kissing me." She said stepping closer to me, a most likely dumbfounded expression. "Close your lips, and kiss me again Sammy." She said leaning in closer.

I hadn't thought that Y/n also was fallin' in love with me. Stupid teenager's minds. Getting caught, but loving the trouble we caused. "I think Sammy.. I think I love you. I think I've loved you for a long time now." Y/n said. I smiled and hummed in agreement.

Completed on: 05/20/2021

Posted on: 05/21/2021

[sombruhmoment]

the correct ‘hottest character’ tier list

not actually please dont yell at me

E: Unavailable for ranking

Hammond + Winston; Animals

Bastion + Orisa + Echo; Naive, ‘childlike’ robots that just are not attractive.

D: Hot only to very specific people

Widow; My issue with Widow is she’s basic. I’ve seen this dozens of times. Her hotness is artificial - everything about her to shove in your face her hotness, and unless you’re a very meek lesbian or a weird creepy dude, she just isn’t that hot. She’s a gimmick. If she was more professional and less for show, she’d be higher.

Tracer; Yorkshire terrier. She’d be a great s/o and friend, but she’s not exactly hot. She’s plain jane. Only especially hot to very Jane Austen lesbians and again, weird creepy dudes. 

Mercy; Boring. She doesn’t really have much personality in the media she shows up in beyond ‘angel’ and ‘tired’. The latter is the smallest portion of her character, but the most embraced. This is why she’s only hot in the fan portrayals of her in fic or art. She’s too plain and basic to be more than conventionally attractive.

Junkrat; He just ain’t, dude. Unless he’s your type, he isn’t hot. His personality doesn’t lend to his sex appeal, either. Very specific taste needed.

Mei; Only if you’re a butch lesbian or an even weirder dude. Very plain, but the body shape rep is nice. Her personality is probably only attractive if you’re into the same interests as her, or are familiar with your interests being shut down. This relationship will be a lot of gushing about fun science facts and god dang, you go you funky butch lesbians. Still not hot. 

C: Boring + bad idea

Brig; She has a hotness factor from the muscles. She still is not hot because she is so plain. She is white bread incarnate. Her personality of sweet, ‘girl-next-door’ is appealing for a relationship, but she just isn’t that hot aside from her buffness. 

Sigma; He’s often cited as one of the hotter guys, but is he, or do you just like the idea of cosmic horror? Is he hot, or do you want to be a monsterf*cker without actually commiting? He’s a traumatized Grandpa. He’s like an old, white man Mei. I’d go to the park with him and feed ducks. I would not canoodle.

Ashe; Like Widow, but more professional. She’s still boring, but at least the outfit makes her have some intrigue. Her story has the potential to make her more interesting, but let’s be real, she was only made as an attempt to stop the McHanzo shippers. 

D.va; She’s fine. She’s just a young adult. Nothing much to say. Blizzard really wants you to think she’s hot, though.

Hanzo; Look. This man, no matter when you approach him, is in a crisis. Before meeting Genji, he’s stuck in the past. After, he’s gone full white girl reinvention. I wouldn’t be surprised if your hookup was a rebound. If you canoodle him, there will be strings attached. He will call you afterwards and ask if you happened to find one of his nipple piercings in your sheets. You’ll get text messages asking if you want to smoke a joint. He has no skill in this. Until he goes to therapy, wide berth. He’s hot, but the consequences and implications outweigh the good time. 

B: A lil spice to ‘em

Torb; The personality is there. He’s a dilf. He’s a serious, but not without humor, haunted man who loves his family dearly. He gets made into a joke, but guys, this man would be a fan favorite if he wasn’t short. 

Ana; She’s adopted the Grannie personality, which knocks her down a bit, but Ana is hot even as an older woman. Not my cup ‘a joe, but she oozes sarcasm and confidence. Also, strikes fear into the rich and corrupt? Hot. 

Genji; He’s Hanzo, but after therapy. He’s got his ish together. He’ll treat you right. It’ll be the best relationship you’ve ever had because he’s so good at communication. But this isn’t about relationships. He’s hot because he’s vanilla. He’s a simple guy - and lets face it, a bottom. One of the plainer options, but still has some appeal to him with his maturity.

Zarya; Buff woman. Hot. Her personality isn’t for everyone, and her racism is...ugh...but c’mon. Look at her biceps. Look at them.

Moira; Will experiment on you in more ways than you expect. Androgynous, David Bowie. Not for the faint of heart. You’re definitely a lesbian or a femboy. Hot for her evilness. Not so hot for her nails. Not a good idea. Be careful.

Reinhardt; Big grandpa man. A gentle soul. Very loud. He’s hot for his confidence and voice. But, again, sooner feed ducks with him than anything else.

A: Hot

Sombra; Evil, intelligent, mischievous woman who is always one step ahead? Hot.

Doomfist; You are lying to yourself if you think he isn’t attractive. Jerk? No question. But listen to his voice. He’s classy, humorous, and very nicely muscled. Do not pursue a relationship under any circumstance, but look all you’d like. 

Zen; Like Genji, but hotter because of the inherent controversy of canoodling a monk. 

Soldier; Raspy voice, nice bone structure, haunted past, beefy but not too beefy. Kinda basic, but still appealing. 

Roadhog; Voice. Voice. Voice. This man is hot. You are a coward. Dad bod x 10. 

Lucio; Anarchist, fights corps, very kind and sweet. Lean muscle and fierce. Gentle and plays with kids. Cutie.

S: Hottest

Baptiste; Beefy, has some cake, romantic flirt, will take C A R E of you and make you breakfast. Look at him. Haunted past, muscles, nice voice, you KNOW he takes care of his nails and hygiene. Not just a good night, marry this man. Someone else will if you don’t. Hottest character in Overwatch.

McCree; Voice, dad bod, tanned, probably smells like smoke and sand. He’s a sweetie, but has some edge to him. A nice middle ground between Hot Evil and Hot Cute. Beard is definitely scratchy. 

Pharah; Buff woman with a nice voice, cute sense of humor, and sense of loyalty and responsibility? Like a female Baptiste. Go get the ring. Now. 

Reaper; Haunted past, claws, monster/inhuman, and that voice. Don’t pursue relationship. Casual meetups? Sure. Do not catch feelings, this isn’t a Wattpad story and you are not y/n, you will not change him.

Symmetra; She’s kinda confused but she has a good heart, good voice, and very nice legs. She’s dripping charisma and confidence, look at her. You are below her and that is quite an enjoyable experience. Would be a decent s/o, would have a lot to learn but she’d try her best. 

[the-fandomwriter]

i like the thought of wilbur and techno being phil’s sons. like, the two grew up together but developed into two incredibly similar but also wildly different people.

maybe something happened as they grew older? (in this au or whatever, techno is the older brother) maybe techno decided to leave and this devastated wilbur, or something happened that put pressure on their relationship, so things were really pressed and they never spoke again after techno walked out.

eventually wilbur left home too, leaving phil on his own, though phil was happy for both boys. during this time, wilbur meets tommy and eventually, phil comes to visit wilbur and has the pleasure of meeting tommy. phil quickly takes a liking to the young ambitious boy, and take him under his wing (hah) and tommy basically becomes like a little brother to wilbur.

then somehow, tommy meets techno. maybe he is off trying to find some materials or crops, and he runs into the very dapper techno blade, and they grow to become friends.

as the war wages on in L’manberg, tommy remains in contact with techno, as well as phil. eventually, both get called in to assist tommy and wilbur in the war, which results in a VERY unexpected and hostile family reunion.

i’m think dinner at wilburs? phil makes a very nice soup or casserole or something, then techno and wilbur make very passive aggressive conversation (i’m thinking like that scene in shrek two, with fiona’s dad n shrek,,, yeah you know what i mean) and tommy and phil just watch quietly as the two stab at their meals with a heavy hand and spit bitter words.

tommy’s shocked when he finds out they’re brothers, and that phil and wilbur never mentioned it to him. tommy feels a little left out, but gradually, wilbur and techno begin to rekindle their lost relationship, and the wages of war only bring them closer. the four end up becoming one happy family, despite tommy not being blood related to any of the three. he still enjoys the feeling of being apart of such a close knit and lovely family.

this would connect techno and wilbur’s sudden “betrayal” (i don’t think we’re considering techno’s whole thing a betrayal but idk) make more sense, as the two brother began to realize that keeping their blood family together is more important than anything. but then wilbur begins to spiral, and techno watches as wilbur turns on him, what with talking about presidency, and passing L’manberg on to tubbo, which only hurts techno more; he wanted to leave L’manberg with wilbur and phil, and finally be a whole, happy family again.

wilbur has officially snapped. he’s exhausted from the constant mental strain of deciding whether to be on the “good” side or the “bad” side. he can’t handle it anymore. the bad memories of L’manberg begin to outweigh the good, and his scale falls to one side, and despite the pleas from phil....

he presses the button.

the two brothers and their loyal, kind father, watch as the city wilbur had built, crumbles. tommy gawks as the world falls apart, and the relationship between the people he called his family was torn to shreds, incapable of being sewn back together.

and wilbur realizes what he’s done. and he begs phil, with his clustered brain that yearns for an eternal rest, to just end it. to bring wilbur’s insanity to an end. he offers his father a sword, and techno watches as the whole world falls into slow motion. 

and just like that, his only brother is gone. and at the hands of their father. 

now techno snaps. he thinks back at the things that had happened during those years he separated himself from his father and brother. what had caused him to adorn a golden bejeweled crown, and a red royal mantle. what had helped him gain such skill in fighting; and a black hole begins to swallow his stomach. he cannot let the same thing happen to tommy.

so he does what he always does. he destroys his connections. he separates himself from the people he loves, but only in hopes of being able to save wilbur from himself and take him and phil to another town, far from the shambles of L’manberg. but it doesn’t work. wilbur is gone, phil is mourning, and techno has officially lost everyone he had ever cared for. 

and just like his brother, techno falls into a mindset of chaos, comprised of fear and hatred and anger. he cannot allow anyone to descend down the same path he and his brother had. and he will do whatever it takes to prevent history from repeating itself. 

even become the bad guy. 

[bloodfromthethorn]

Broken Trust

Even now, hours later, he couldn’t shake the memory of Jack’s shoulder driving into his sternum, a too-tight grip on his bicep forcing him sideways as the man he trusted more than anyone else in the world physically moved through him rather than listen to what he had to say.

Tag to 2x02. Mac didn't walk away from his encounter with Jack as unscathed as he might wish to appear.

Also on AO3

..

Mac knew he was being stupid.

Yes, Jack threatening him with violence was no small matter and he was certainly justified in his surprise and betrayal, but he knew that he shouldn’t read any further into it. Jack had just been worried about Riley and hadn’t been thinking straight and in all likelihood, that was absolutely all it was. There was no deeper meaning, no hidden message. He shouldn’t be dwelling on it. He definitely shouldn’t be sitting on his deck at 3:30 in the morning contemplating all the times Jack had promised to have his back, to keep him safe, only to immediately turn on him when Mac put himself between his Overwatch and someone Jack cared about more.

It wasn’t like he didn’t get it: Jack had technically known Riley for far longer than he’d known Mac and he’d cared for her when she’d been a child – of course he was going to feel paternal. Mac had never been under any illusion that the relationship he had with Jack would outweigh that and he wouldn’t want it to, but he’d kind of thought that he still at least ranked somewhere near the top. Was that being presumptuous? A few days ago he wouldn’t have doubted it for a second, but now he couldn’t help but think maybe he’d been projecting his own feelings onto Jack and the reality of the situation was actually nothing like he’d thought it was.

But, then again, that was just a little overly dramatic, no? Jack had proven willing to go to the mat for Mac time and again, and this was the first time since their ill-fated meeting that the man had ever seemed willing to come to blows with him. They’d rib and tease each other, but he could count on the fingers of one hand the number of times there’d been true animosity between them. Mac’s quiet crisis of faith was surely nothing more than an overactive imagination and a history of being second choice to the people he loved.

And even if he wasn’t imagining anything, Jack had apologised for all of it – or at least he’d tried to. In the end, despite having waited to hear it, Mac had found that he just couldn’t stomach the thought of listening to Jack try to justify himself, to directly tell him that his loyalty to the woman who was basically his daughter was more important to him than his loyalty to Mac. Instead he’d shut down the apology before it could reach the light of day, brushing off Jack’s concern with a shrug and an easy smile. Better to let everyone think that it really was no big deal and was easily put behind them, no matter how far that might be from the truth. If Jack had had any notion of how badly Mac had been flying to pieces inside his own head, he hadn’t shown it.

So far as Mac could tell, everyone had mutually agreed that the whole thing had been a bizarre incident of heightened emotions with no deeper meaning and they could all quite happily sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. If only things were so simple for him.

Even now, hours later, he couldn’t shake the memory of Jack’s shoulder driving into his sternum, a too-tight grip on his bicep forcing him sideways as the man he trusted more than anyone else in the world physically moved through him rather than listen to what he had to say. Bruises he’d been very careful to hide pulsed quietly beneath his skin.

It shouldn’t matter, he knew that. Jack had been going out of his mind with worry and Mac knew better than anyone how much he could overreact if someone he cared about was in trouble but at the same time… He’d put Mac in trouble. Mac wasn't in any doubt that if Riley hadn’t chosen that particular moment to convince Bedlam to trust her, he would be nursing a black eye – or worse – by now.

Worse still was that Bozer had also been in the unfortunate position of having to get between Jack and Riley that very same day and he’d managed to walk away entirely clean. Mac was unendingly grateful for that of course and he’d never wish any harm on his friend, but he couldn’t deny that it stung to know Jack wouldn’t raise a hand against Boze when he’d been perfectly happy to against Mac barely an hour earlier.

He ran a shaking hand through his hair for the hundredth time, huffing out a heavy breath as he battled to get his thoughts under control. This was normally what Jack was good at, helping him to get out of his own head and see the truth of things so he could work through the problem, but even if it hadn’t been the early hours, Mac wasn’t about to disturb him with this. Either he was wrong and being paranoid and there really wasn’t anything to worry about, or he was right and asking about it would mean having to hear one of his worst fears realised.

He wasn’t really up to confronting either outcome tonight.

Instead he was stuck out here, unable to sleep but too tied up in knots to try doing anything productive. The best he could manage was sitting beside the unlit firepit with a beer he hadn’t touched once. Letting himself go and getting drunk was distantly tempting, but work tomorrow was going to be tough enough as it was without throwing a hangover into the mix. Besides, if he did that, then people were going to ask questions and there really was no unembarrassing way of saying ‘I’ve been having a bit of a breakdown because a man I considered a brother nearly punched me in the face and I’m having to rethink a decade-long relationship.’

Mac’s usual approach to emotional problems had always been resorting to logic – with mixed results. It was all well and good to explain his childhood dog’s perpetual escape attempts as animal instinct rather than personal dislike, but it became a lot more complicated when he tried to pinpoint the reason a man would abandon his only son and never look back. Unfortunately, this problem looked like it was going to fall into the latter category.

The facts were thus: Jack loved Riley like a daughter; Riley had been in imminent, but not certain, danger; Mac had put himself between the two; Jack had chosen to disregard what Mac was saying in favour of physically moving him aside so he could reach Riley.

There was no logic in the world that could explain that away without demeaning Mac’s relationship with Jack in a way that was deeply hurtful.

It wasn’t a competition and even thinking of it in those terms left Mac swallowing down guilt and disgust at his own neediness. Jack cared loudly and widely; he was in possession of a heart so large, Mac was quite certain he could love a hundred people equally without breaking a sweat. It was no great stretch or challenge to accept that Jack was capable of loving both Riley and Mac, and that those two things had absolutely nothing to do with each other. There was nothing unreasonable about that. 

So it wasn’t a competition, but if it had been then Mac had very definitely lost.

God, he needed to get it together. He was self-aware enough to realise that the only real path forward here was to forgive Jack the minor transgression and move on, accepting it for what it had been without trying to place any excess baggage onto it. If he really couldn’t manage that alone, Jack would no doubt be willing to offer the apology he’d tried to give earlier, should Mac reveal his concerns. Nothing anyone said or did would take back what had happened, and wishing otherwise was childish. He just needed to put it behind him.

Then again, that evidently wasn’t going to happen tonight.

He’d ended up out on the deck sometime around midnight, waiting sleeplessly in his bed until Bozer was well and truly unconscious before sneaking out, driven by a vague desire for air and a need to see the stars. He was only one for two on that – a heavy blanket of cloud had managed to erase the few bright night sparks that usually managed to make it past the light pollution – but that wasn’t such a bad score. At the very least, the still quiet made a nice contrasting balm to his inner turmoil.

The quiet didn’t last however – the hour hand on Mac’s watch had just started creeping past 4 when he heard the purr of a familiar engine pulling up outside and he breathed a long sigh. He had no idea what had drawn Jack there – he’d often joked about having a sixth sense when Mac was in trouble, but he couldn’t possibly have known about this – and he wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to find out. He toyed with the idea of slipping back into his bedroom before Jack had a chance to make it into the house, but he was sufficiently torn that he was still contemplating that course of action when he heard the door unlatch.

There were a few moments of quiet footsteps tracing through the house, first checking on the bedrooms and then, after presumably finding Mac’s empty, more hurried movement until the door to the deck squeaked open and Jack’s boots appeared in the corner of Mac’s vision. Exhausted and frankly too tired to even try to pretend otherwise, Mac didn’t look up.

“What are you doing here?” He asked quietly. His whole evening had felt fragile and a superstitious part of him he’d never been able to ditch warned that it was in danger of shattering if he didn’t speak softly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” was the equally gentle reply. “You?”

“It’s been a long few days.” The words sounded heavy, containing too much meaning. He took an unenthusiastic swig of beer to cover it. “There’s more in the fridge if you want one,” he added, shaking the bottle a little.

“Little early to start drinking, isn't it?”

“To be fair, it was late when I started.”

“…I think that might make it worse hoss.”

He snorted indelicately and took another pull. Now that he’d started drinking it, he found himself vaguely comforted by the familiar flavour. There wasn’t enough alcohol in it to do more than warm him, but the sensation wasn’t unwelcome.

Jack seemed to sigh, then his boots disappeared as he worked his way around behind Mac to sit beside him on the lip of the firepit. Now on the same level, Mac couldn’t avoid meeting his gaze. He looked as tired as Mac felt, so he said as much.

His Overwatch offered an unconvincing smile. “I’ll have you know that I look good no matter what,” he replied, but it was clear his heart wasn’t in it. “Truth be told, I feel like I’ve been kicked by a horse.”

That raised concern. “Are you getting ill? I think I’ve still got some of those antipyretics in the cupboard-”

He made a jerking motion to get to his feet, but Jack waved him back down before he could go anywhere. “Nah, it’s nothing man, don’t worry about it. It’s just like you said – been a long few days. Think I’m still working through it all.”

Mac felt his heart sink in his chest. Of all the conversations he didn’t want to have right that second. “I know how much you didn’t want Riley out there. I can’t imagine how stressful this has all been,” he said, aiming for compassionate and just barely hitting the mark. “I’m just glad it’s over.”

Jack, weirdly, looked sheepish. “You and me both kid, but that’s not exactly what I meant.”

There was a pause as Mac processed that and came up empty. “Oh?”

Despite the fact that whatever was going on in Jack’s head had been fierce enough to drive him all the way to Mac’s house in the middle of the night, he suddenly looked tremendously uncertain. One hand snaked up to rub at the back of his neck, dragging his head down so that he didn’t have to maintain eye contact. Mac half expected him to start shifting in his seat.

“Jack? What’s going on?”

He sighed gustily, apparently rooting around for his courage, and met Mac’s gaze again. “Look, I know you brushed it off before and I appreciate your understanding and all that but-” He hesitated ever so briefly, then the rest came pouring out of him like he couldn’t stop it. “Man, I was way out of line yesterday. Like so far past the line I couldn’t even see it any more. Yeah I was stressed about Riley and I ain’t ever going to be sorry for looking out for her, but that doesn’t change the fact that for a split second I was willing to go through you to do it. There’s nothing that could ever make that right and I need you to know how fucking sorry I am.”

He broke his gaze away again, bringing up his other hand to bury his face in his palms in pained desperation. Mac blinked at him in surprise, utterly stunned.

“And it’s stupid anyway because I know how much you care about Riley and me, and I know that you were trying to stop me to protect us both – I should have just seen-” He bit himself off, grumbled, pressed on more calmly: “I was so focused on my own inability to see what Riley could do that I lost sight of her, the mission, and you. It’s my job to keep you safe – that’s my only job – and I was so far out of my own head that I put you in danger because of my own stupidity. There is nothing about that that’s okay and even if you don’t need me to say it, I had to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m not expecting forgiveness because shit, I really messed it up this time, but for whatever it’s worth, I swear I’ll never do that again.”

Mac forced himself to swallow, desperately willing his exhausted brain to kick itself into gear and process everything Jack had just dumped on him. When he’d considered asking for an apology after all, this hadn’t been quite what he had in mind. In response to it, all he could manage was a sort of stunned silence.

Jack rubbed at his face one last time, then pulled himself upright again and forcefully met Mac’s eyes. He looked as though he was bracing for a hit, but he didn’t flinch. Mac, for his part, had absolutely no idea what he was possibly supposed to say.

A part of him desperately wanted to grasp the lifeline he was being offered, accept the explanation as the reassurance it was evidently meant to be, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. After a lifetime of those he cared about proving that Mac was a very easy person to leave, some self-preservation instinct was finally picking up its head and warning him not to trust so blindly. A few days ago he had been utterly certain that Jack would never willingly hurt him – now, he knew what it was to hear his Overwatch’s voice dip low and threatening, warning him that if he didn’t step aside, he was going to get hurt. He knew what it was to go cold at the humiliation he’d felt when faced with a thoroughly dismissive, ‘Boy, get out of my face.’ He knew what it was to have Jack look at him and see nothing but an obstacle in his way.

Hours too late and in the worst possible moment, Mac suddenly realised that the anger he’d been quietly cultivating wasn’t really anger at all.

As he always seemingly managed to do, Jack chose that same moment to pick up on the fact that something had gone wrong with his partner, because his earnestness immediately dropped away behind guilty concern. He hesitated for several heartbeats, absorbing whatever was going on in Mac’s expression, then tilted his head consideringly. “When you stopped me apologising earlier,” he said very slowly, “You didn’t mean it when you said it was fine, did you?”

Mac forced himself to shrug, trying to shake looseness into limbs that had frozen in place. “Like I said, Riley’s lucky to have you. You were just watching out for her.”

“Yeah, and throwing you under the bus in the process. God, I almost- I could have hurt you Mac.”

Now was probably a very bad time to reveal that he had hurt him. At least the bruises were in places easy to hide.

“You didn’t,” he lied instead, running his eyes over the skyline rather than let Jack see the mistruth in them. “I appreciate the apology, I really do, but I understand. Riley’s family, Jack, of course you’re going to do everything you can to defend her.”

Jack let out a humourless snort. “You say that like you’re not every bit as much my family as she is.”

There was a sudden, telling silence. Jack blinked. Mac’s gaze stayed fixed on the horizon.

“You- You do know that… right?” Jack said haltingly, his voice so quiet as to be almost unheard even in the silence. When there was no immediate response, it turned more forceful. “Mac, tell me you know that.”

He swallowed hard. In the face of such honest concern, Mac couldn’t bring himself to lie or to brush it off, but at the same time he had no idea how to explain the tangle of thorns in his head without sounding as stupid as he was afraid he was being.

“Jack,” he started carefully, weighing up the words as he went, “We’ve been partners for years now. I know how important that is and I’m grateful for it every day, but… But you knew Riley when she was just a kid.” He twitched his hands in a vague attempt at encompassing the sheer scale of their relationship. “I get that things have been kind of weird between the two of you, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s basically your daughter. I should never have tried to get in the middle of that.”

“If you hadn’t gotten in the middle of it, I would have gotten her killed,” Jack shot back immediately. “You did everything right Mac. I’m the one who fucked up here.”

There wasn’t a lot Mac could really say to that since it was technically accurate, but he was spared the effort by Jack refusing to take the bait of his deflection.

“And besides,” he continued firmly, “That’s not even slightly the point here. You- You really don’t think that I see you as family?”

Goddamn it he sounded hurt and that was so not what Mac had been going for. He sucked in a breath and cursed himself when it shook. “That’s not- That wasn’t what I was trying to say,” he managed lamely, wanting to reassure but deeply unwilling to make any presumptions. That was precisely what had gotten him into this mess.

Jack’s eyes were dark and sad and knowing. Mac could scarcely stand to look at them. “Maybe not, but it’s what you’re thinking, right? You’ve got it in your head that everything that happened was because Riley’s more important to me than you?”

Hearing the words said aloud in such a level, careful tone sent a rush of blazing shame right through him. It sounded so pathetic when put so simply. This time the anger that burned hot on its heels was genuine, though aimed more at himself than anyone else. He shook his head sharply as though to rid himself of the feeling but he still couldn’t quite meet Jack’s eyes when he said, “No. I know it doesn’t work like that. I’m not some kid in need of coddling Jack. I’m just tired, that’s all.”

“You’re tired because you’re sitting on your deck at four in the morning instead of sleeping, and I’ve known you long enough to know that happens when you can’t get something out of your head. So, if I’m wrong, what is it? Because it has been a shitty few days but somehow I get the feeling this isn’t about a missing EMP or you having to figure us a way out of a crashing plane with no chutes.” His expression was complicated; some combination of worried and open, like he was pleading with Mac to just speak with him. “C’mon Mac. Talk to me. I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.”

Mac shook his head slowly, too many thoughts crowding in at once to make sense of anything. “Jack-”

“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. Mac-” Jack bit off whatever he was about to say in frustration, shaking himself. “God I really fucked up. Should’ve known you’d come to the worst possible conclusion. Never did know your own worth.” He ran a tired hand over his face, then drew himself upright and faced Mac head on, a rare seriousness shining in his eyes. “Okay, this is something I clearly should be saying more often since you still don’t seem to believe it but, you’re my brother Mac. You’re every bit as much my family as Ri is and I know that I made you doubt that, but it never for one second stopped being true. You hear me? I’m so sorry for what I did outside that warehouse – you didn’t deserve it one bit and I should never have done it. But it didn’t mean what you’re thinking it did.”

“I’m not thinking anything Jack,” he said quietly, even while his brain raced away from him. He wanted so, so badly to believe what he was hearing and Jack had sworn long ago to always be honest with him. To Mac’s knowledge he’d never once broken that promise…

But it was also exactly what Mac wanted to hear. Of course he was going to be inclined to believe it.

“That’s never once been true and you know it,” Jack shot back, not losing an ounce of his seriousness. 

Mac didn’t rise to the implied joke. A sudden swell of frustration at Jack’s presumption climbed his throat and he was scoffing before he could help himself. “Tell me then,” he said sharply. “What exactly is it I’m thinking?”

Jack flinched lightly at the acid in his tone, but he held Mac’s gaze steadily like he was prepared to take any blow he threw his way. “I’ve never tried to pretend I can follow everything that goes through your head hoss. I don’t have near the IQ for that. But I think even you’d agree that I’ve gotten pretty good at following you.”

Mac’s face tried to twitch into a scowl but he forced it down with a will of iron. 

His partner continued without interruption. “Now maybe I’m overstepping here, but I’m gonna bet that right now you’re feeling angry and hurt because you trusted me and I let you down. I let you down real bad.” There, he did hesitate very slightly, before deciding to voice what they both already knew. “I know I’m not the first person to do that, not by a long shot. You’ve had to deal with all kinds of shit you never deserved, but betrayal isn’t something anyone gets used to.”

Burgeoning anger aside, that felt like a step too far. Mac shook his head sharply. “You didn’t betray anyone-”

“Yes, I did,” he cut in firmly. “I betrayed your trust. I promised to protect you, but I got so caught up in my own bullshit hang-ups that I broke that promise. You’ve got every reason to be pissed as all hell about that Mac, don’t let anyone tell you you don’t.”

“You were just trying to help Riley,” Mac said again, sounding weak to his own ears. Everything Jack was saying was everything he’d thought he’d needed to hear, but now that it was all laid out so plainly before him, the only sensation he could summon was bittersweet resignation. Jack wasn’t wrong - he felt betrayed. 

“Yeah, maybe. That’s not an excuse.”

There was a long, still pause. “No,” he finally admitted quietly. “It isn’t.”

The corners of Jack’s eyes were damp when he nodded, accepting and agreeing with that in equal measure. He looked crushed. “And you deserve every apology I can give you for that. Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if you wanted to take a swing at me.”

Mac shot him a dark look, irritated by the joke, but he found only seriousness in Jack’s face; he’d meant it. “I’m not going to hit you,” he said, offended at the implication. 

“I know you won’t,” Jack soothed carefully. “I’m just trying to say - very badly - that I do know how badly I’ve fucked this up. I broke a promise to you that I swore my life on and you know I don’t take that sort of thing lightly. I can’t ever explain how sorry I am for it, but I can spend every moment you let me trying to make up for it.”

They let that sit between them for a long few minutes. Mac felt torn; even with the anger and hurt and fucking devastation rocking around in his chest he could admit that Jack was saying everything right. The real question then was whether or not Mac could trust it when Jack had already blindsided him once. 

His Overwatch’s smile was bleak and pained. “I can see that brain of yours whirring away,” he said at length. “Trying to work out if I’m telling the truth, huh?”

As he said it, his façade crumbled ever so slightly and for just a moment, he looked deeply, unbearably sad. Like he knew he’d earned every inch of that mistrust and was regretting it with every fibre of his being. In all their time together, Mac had seen Jack wear that expression exactly once: a thousand years ago in an Italian hospital room as he told a barely conscious Mac that Nikki hadn’t made it. The context might have been different, but those eyes- their grief was the same.

That- that Mac could believe. No one who looked like Jack did in that moment could be insincere. Jack was a hell of a good liar when he needed to be – requirement of the job, really – but the raw, honest heartbreak in that expression was not something even he could fake. For the first time since Jack walked towards him with violence in his eyes, Mac found that he could trust this, if nothing else.

No matter what had happened between them, how readily Jack had been willing to throw away every promise he’d ever made to Mac, he could see the evidence of his regret right in front of him. It didn’t undo what he’d done, not by a long shot, but it was… something. 

Something important. 

Maybe something so important it was really the only thing that actually mattered. 

There was no amount of words that could entirely mend the hurt that Jack had wrought that day, but perhaps they were enough to start the process. Jack was right here, swearing to do better, and despite a lifetime of reasons not to trust an offer like that, Mac couldn’t help but hear the ring of truth. For now, perhaps that had to be enough. Healing always came with time and with Jack willing to make amends, Mac had a feeling that they’d get there together in the end. 

He sucked in a hard breath, and finally, finally forced himself to let his anger and hurt go. They would do nothing for him now.

“I believe you,” he said, and meant it. He caught Jack’s eye. “And I accept your apology. My own messed up head aside, I do know that you were only trying to protect Riley.”

“Hey now, your head’s doing just fine. I’m the one tying it up in knots, even when I should know better. You’ve been given plenty of reason to think the worst of people in your life Mac. That it’s not your first response is- well. Incredible, I guess. I don’t blame you a bit for not trusting me after… Everything.”

Mac’s eyes dropped to the floor again, feeling oddly self-conscious about how easily Jack was able to see through him. It was always easy to forget how little time they had really known each other when Jack could look at him and immediately see the heart of whatever was bothering him. Bozer might have known him for longer, but Jack had still been the one who got to see the darker sides of him born in desert heat and sandy plains. That was exactly why this whole mess had hurt as much as it had.

“I always trust you Jack,” he said honestly. “You caught me off guard, but nothing is about to change that.”

Jack blinked hard, swallowing as he processed that. “After everything that happened this week, I know that I don’t deserve that but you don’t know how good that is to hear, man.” He rubbed at his face, pulling his emotions back in line. “And just so you know, while I appreciate you accepting my apology and all, I know I’m nowhere near done earning your forgiveness. What I did was-”

His eyes suddenly turned distant, and whatever strength had bled back into his frame drained in a rush. He looked… fragile.

“Jack, you don’t need to earn anything,” Mac said, suddenly feeling vaguely guilty for taking it all so badly while at the same time desperately trying to throttle that sensation. He wanted to forgive Jack – already had, if he was honest with himself – but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been right to be upset in the first place. “I’m glad you apologised, no matter what I told you before. That’s all I needed.” He shrugged self-deprecatingly. “Well, that and for you to talk some sense into me, maybe.”

“That’s my job, remember?” Jack said with a shrug of his own. “Keeping your head on straight is half the battle.” He winced in the same instant as he said it, apparently realising the irony in him being the one to throw Mac off this time. He visibly forced himself to straighten out, trying to accept the truth of Mac’s forgiveness. “Well, lesson learned, I guess. Just wish I didn’t do it by hurting you.”

Mac snorted softly, even though his heart wasn’t really it in. “I’m tougher than I look.”

“That is one hundred percent true,” Jack agreed without hesitation, “But it doesn’t change the fact that I was a dick and you caught the worst of it. Which would be bad enough at the best of times, but in this case you were only doing what you could to protect me and Riley, which is like, I don’t know, a double dick move on my part?” He broke off momentarily with a frown as if trying to work out the maths of that specific scenario, then shook himself like a dog shaking off water. “Whatever, the point is-” A pause. “What was my point again?”

Despite himself, Mac snickered. “I think it was something along the lines of ‘I’m sorry I was an ass, I won’t do it again’. That about sum it up?”

Jack grinned in that knowing way he did when he’d succeeded in pulling Mac out of his own head without him realising. “Couldn’t have put it better myself.” He sobered, catching Mac’s gaze. “And I mean it. I’m not ever going to take a swing at you man, and I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure you never have to feel like I might again.”

 Mac’s first instinct was to brush the reassurance off once more, remind Jack that he already had his trust, but he caught himself before he could. He was determined not to punish himself for reacting badly to something he had every reason to react badly to, and besides, it seemed like Jack needed to say it just as much as Mac needed to hear it. After everything that had happened that day, it felt good to hear that promise put into words. “Thank you,” he said at length, letting truth settle into his tone. 

He went to say more, but the words were lost as a jaw-cracking yawn forced its way up his throat. Jack chuckled quietly at him. 

“Yeah, I feel that,” he said, dispensing with his heavy tone for something lighter, something healing. “Think it might be past time we got you to bed, man. You look knackered.”

“I am,” he admitted. There was very little point pretending otherwise; he knew what he looked like. “You’ve got to be exhausted too.”

Jack shrugged easily. “Yeah, but I’ll get out of your hair. I knew you weren’t exactly expecting visitors when I decided to turn up unannounced at four in the morning.”

“That’s literally never stopped you,” he said, rolling his eyes. Truthfully, he was glad Jack had shown up when he did - it was only thanks to it that he thought he might actually be able to get some honest to god sleep before he had to show up at work tomorrow- or, well, later today. “You’re not driving home this late. Just sleep here.”

“I didn’t exactly bring a go-bag with me.”

“Unless you’ve changed dramatically in size in the last two months, I’m pretty sure the clothes you left in my dresser are still going to fit you.”

Jack looked like he was bending, wanting to give in to the comfort readily being offered, but something dark and wary in his eyes was holding him back. That line of guilt that ran rigid along the back of his shoulders had eased slightly during the course of their conversation, but it still lingered on even now. Mac had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t going to lose it for a long time. 

“I don’t want to impose,” he said after a strained moment of silence. His gaze dropped to his lap. “I think I’ve disturbed your sleep enough tonight to last a lifetime, bud.”

“In case it wasn’t abundantly obvious, you weren’t disturbing anything.”

“Just ‘cause I wasn’t here, doesn’t mean it wasn’t my fault.”

Mac couldn’t help but roll his eyes again. “C’mon man, it’s done. We’re all good, remember? But if you keep arguing about driving home at four AM when you look like you’re going to fall asleep at the wheel, then you are going to keep me up when I would much rather be sleeping. Matty’s already going to be mad as it is; we don’t need to pile sleep deprivation on top.”

His Overwatched hissed, pulling on a peeved frown. “You’re too sneaky for your own good, you know that?”

Mac released what felt like his first genuine laugh in days and drained the rest of his beer, easing himself carefully to his feet. “Someone might have mentioned it in the past. Come on, big guy. I’m not carrying you inside if you pass out here.”

“You could just wake me up.”

“And give up the opportunity to listen to you griping about that bad back you pretend you don’t have? Ooh, that’s a tough call.”

“You’re an ass.”

Mac’s laugh chased them into the darkened house.

[anobscurename]

ocean eyes – chris evans

previous part: PART IX — masterlist

concept: awkwardness was inevitable after the drunken birthday kiss you shared, but avoidance was near impossible given your living situation. confrontation comes when you help chris learn some lines for a romantic role he's pursuing. the slowest of slow burns. part ten of many

pairing: chris evans x reader

word count: 1.6k

warnings: strawberries and cringey dialogue, aNgSt

author's note: can't believe we're on part 10 what the fuck i started this on wednesday—?

You had avoided him successfully for a little over three days when you finally ran into him again. You had been going for a perfect fourth, but in spite of all the space the house had to offer, there were only so many rooms you could duck into, and so many midnight snacks you could sneak into your room to sustain yourself as the hours ticked by.

Having lived with Chris for six months, you knew his schedule. It helped in your goal of steering clear of the awkwardness.

He never outright saw you, anyways, always catching you just as you disappeared around a corner or into a room.

The first day had been the hardest. Chris was a firm believer of confronting an issue head-on – best way for cohesive living – and so there were soft knocks on the door, mugs of coffee – cold by the time you finally thought it safe to leave the room without encountering him – left behind for you on the kitchen counter.

He had even texted you. Can we talk?

He had managed to corner you in the bathroom once. That was entirely inevitable, considering you both shared it.

You had been brushing your teeth when you heard the door handle turn and squeak, and you were quick to spit out the frothy toothpaste to call out a dismissive "occupied!"

"Oh, sorry," Chris had mumbled sheepishly before shutting the door again. But he didn't leave. "I... I really think we should talk about last night."

You rinsed out your mouth, hoping to let the running water drown out his voice.

Patting your mouth dry, you pulled open the door. Chris practically fell into you, having been leaning against the frame, weight balancing on the forearm he had propped up.

You looked up at him innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about."

And that was the end of that. He stopped trying so hard the day after, and when the third day came around, he had decided to give you your space.

You knew you were being entirely unfair on him, not telling him what was wrong, but at first, you didn't even know. It wasn't as simple as a touch of the shoulder, not as mundane as jealousy. You hated that you had thought it was jealousy, and shuddered at the very idea of Chris thinking it might be. You were not a jealous person by nature.

And then you realised what that feeling was that had plagued you since that kiss – that kiss that you could still taste on your lips when you closed your eyes at night. It was fear.

It was fear of not being good enough. But not only that, it was fear of rejection, fear of losing one of your bestest friends.

Fear of being homeless if things were to end badly, and given the circumstances, things weren't running smoothly as is.

You weren't naïve enough to believe in a happy ending. In the words of the great philosopher Jane Smith – played by the ever great Angelina Jolie – "happy endings are just stories that haven't finished yet."

Fact of the matter was that the chances of the two of you making it were slim to none. You were both too different. Similar on a human level – Anthony would even say perfect – but different on almost every other. Financially, emotionally, physically. You couldn't contend with everything Chris had to offer.

You had served him drinks. You looked after his dog, his house, watered his plants. You lived in that home as his employee.

You weren't a pessimist. Only a realist. And realistically, you'd run the numbers and promptly concluded that while you'd ultimately fail as a couple, you'd soar as a friendship.

That was the final answer, come day four.

"Hey..."

You had stepped out of the sanctuary of your bedroom, only to see Chris stood at the kitchen counter, bent over something that grabbed his full attention. It was late at night, the rest of the lights in the house off, leaving only the warm glow of the kitchen lights. He looked up when you entered, a pained expression overcoming his features. "Oh, so we're talking now?"

You ignored the question, padding over to see what he was doing. The best way to continue on was to pretend that nothing happened. So that's what you did.

Reminiscent of a time before you knew what Chris' lips tasted and felt like, you easily hopped up on the counter beside him. You noticed the bags beside the front door, and curiosity got the better of you. "Where are you headed this time?"

His attention shifted back down to the manuscript that was before him. "I have an audition tomorrow morning in New York, I'm just going over the dialogue one last time before the flight."

The conversation was stilted, and so, to break the silence, you reached for a strawberry. There had been a plate of strawberries between the two of you, half eaten, stems brushed to one side. A playful slap on your hand halted your action, and you cocked an annoyed and inquisitive brow at Chris.

"Don't eat the props."

"I'm sure you won't miss just one."

"Well, it would be easier for me to learn my lines with someone else if you...?" He trailed off, the rest of the request piecing together in your mind.

"The things I'll endure for some food in this house," you jokingly groaned.

It was like his laugh shattered the awkwardness entirely, and suddenly it felt like normal again. And you realised how much you missed it. Missed being his friend.

He slide the manuscript over to you, telling you which character your were going to play. He had already memorised his lines, and was pensively watching as you skimmed over the dialogue.

"It's...?"

He chuckled sheepishly. "A romance, I know. If you don't want to–"

"It's okay," you said quickly. The guilt you felt for basically ignoring him the past few days with little to no explanation heavily outweighed your common sense. You just wanted to help him out – your way of apology. "From here?"

He nodded at the prompt you had your finger on, already shifting himself into the cocky persona of the character he was playing. Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him pick up a strawberry, ready for his cues.

"It's a real shame nobody asked for your opinion," you read.

"I've had plenty of relationships," he shrugged, arrogant. "Makes me the authority on these types of things."

"Don't make me laugh," you chuckled. The film was by no means Oscar worthy, but it was a fun indie project, judging from the script. "I bet the longest relationship you've had is with that strawberry."

He looked down, contemplating it for the longest time while you flipped the page. This part was new, and as your eyes skimmed over it, you knew you'd made your fatal error. Guess that's where being a good person gets you.

Gentle hand on your cheek, he tilted your head to look at him. Making full eye contact, he bit into the strawberry. The perfect arch of pearly white teeth sank into it so slowly, you felt like time was frozen. "I don't know," he growled, licking the sweetness from his finger. "You can't fault a relationship when she tastes so good."

He plucked another strawberry from the plate, beckoning you over. You felt yourself lean forward, enraptured in his performance. But at what point did the line blur between acting and reality?

The touch of the strawberry against your lips was cold, fresh from the fridge. The script told you to reject him with a shake of the head, and without its guidance, you probably would've just dissolved before him. You denied him, whimpering a small "no."

“Open,” he commanded, voice authoritative but soft. His gaze was intense, eyes darkening as you slowly opened your lips to eat the offered fruit.

He watched your lips – a whispered “fuck” under his breath – and slowly threw the stem back onto the plate. His eyes never left your mouth.

And then his fingers came up to swipe the juice from your bottom lip before telling you to open again. You complied, but something in the back of your mind nagged at you: this wasn't in the script.

His finger slid easily into your mouth, smooth against your tongue, and you instinctively sucked on them gently, tasting the sweetness and suddenly he was ducking his head down, intent clear, and you just–

"Stop," you managed to get out, your lips so dangerously close to his that the feather light brush of your spoken words caused tingles to flow through you. The goosebumps were back, your skin cold, but body on fire. He withdrew, and you hated how your heart fell, plummeting to your stomach when he did. "We can't."

And then you explained to him why. And to his credit, he listened, didn't once try to interrupt or persuade you otherwise, and he understood.

He understood, because deep down, he knew you were right.

You explained it all, and at some point your eyes were stinging, but you didn't cry, and when it was all out, and what needed to be said was, he simply pulled you into his arms in a fierce hug.

Your breathing was ragged as you clung to him, hands bunching the fabric of his shirt. You never wanted to let him go. As a friend, of course.

And then he said his goodbye with a chaste kiss to your temple, and left, front door shutting behind him, bags in hand.

He left you alone to your thoughts, and the tears came tumbling after.

[thevioletjones]

34 for prompt list thing! 💖

Thanks! 💜

Prompt 4: “I might never get another chance to say this.”

Now to War

Ian understood why Mickey was still in the closet. That was never really the issue. He was aware of the deeply scary, tyrannical nature of Mickey’s father, and how his horrible ways had left a lasting impression that was hard for him to shake. However, Ian had eventually started to feel a burden that he was frankly sick of bearing.

He’d never asked or expected Mickey to openly date him in front of his own family, but he would've appreciated some kind of quiet commitment where maybe they could at least let Ian’s family in on the secret (Lip already knew, but Mickey didn’t know he knew). Ian’s family had always been supportive when it came to Ian’s orientation. He knew they’d be supportive of Mickey too, even if they didn’t fully understand him, or even like him. They just wanted Ian to be happy.

But Mickey couldn’t even give him that much. He still fucked women to please his dad; still worked as his right-hand man doing illegal shit, instead of forging his own path; still stayed under that disgusting, oppressive thumb with no plans to ever get out from under it. Mickey still just didn’t believe that he could do or be anything different; had resigned himself to this depressing fate of constantly repressing himself for the rest of his life.

Ian just couldn’t stomach it anymore. Part of that was selfish, because yeah, he wanted to have a real relationship that wasn’t full of darkness and drama all the time. But the bigger part of it was about how deeply he cared for Mickey. He hated witnessing what he considered Mickey’s slow demise over a long period of time. If Ian couldn’t convince him that he deserved better, then what exactly was he doing sticking by Mickey’s side? He couldn’t just let himself be a doormat and get treated like shit just because he was in lo—no, he had to stop thinking of it that way.

What was done was done, ancient history style. The last time shit had fallen apart and Mickey had kowtowed to his dad, tossing Ian’s heart in a blender in the process, Ian had ended things. For good. Probably. He was as terrible at staying away from Mickey as Mickey was at staying away from him. He couldn’t even count how many times they’d renounced each other at this point, but he was doing what he could to make it stick.

That’s why Ian had to go and force things to be different now. He couldn’t risk just falling back into the same old toxic pattern with his wayward ex. There were so many good qualities in Mickey that no one else really got to see, but at the end of the day, they couldn’t outweigh the bad enough to strike a fair balance when it came to Ian.

So after much consideration of options, Ian had finally done what he’d always intended, professionally speaking, and signed up for the army.

It had been nearly 8 months now. Basic and AIT had gone well, considering all his years of ROTC, and now he was back home for a brief visit before being deployed for the first time. He was excited to finally be fulfilling his lifelong dream of being active military, but if he said he wasn’t nervous as shit too, he’d be lying. There was a definite fear there in the background of his mind, but he’d always kind of lived for danger in a way. He liked conquering it.

He supposed every soldier went off to war thinking they wouldn’t be one of the ones to die or get severely wounded, and maybe he was an idiot for believing it, but despite that inevitable fear, Ian truly knew he’d be okay. He trusted his instincts and reactions to volatile situations (thanks, Gallagher family trauma), so he had to trust himself. Maybe if he believed in the idea of coming out the other side of combat unscathed enough, he would manifest it.

Still, no matter his sixth sense, there was that feeling of wanting to make sure that he left everything in his life back home in a nice, neat place, just in case he was terribly wrong and never set foot back on American soil again. He needed all of his important relationships to be appropriately cemented. It was easy with his family (well, the siblings portion of it, at least), but Mickey was a whole different story.

Despite having broken it off months ago, the idea of leaving that whole thread hanging felt terrifying. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to feel closure with Mickey, but he had to try. There was a good chance he’d either get mocked, or socked in the face for making overtures, but he had to try anyway.

He felt resolute as he walked toward the Milkovich house, but once it came into view, his insides were consumed with nerves until his gut twisted with the weight of his apprehension.

What if Mickey wasn’t there? What if Terry and a bunch of Mickey’s idiot brothers were laying about? What if Mickey had done the unthinkable and married some random whore so he could pretend he was straight to please his dad? Ian would hope that either Lip or Mandy would’ve informed him of such a development, but since Ian liked to bury things and not talk about them, maybe they’d just decided not to bring it up?

He took a deep breath, muttered, “Fuck it,” to himself, and made his way to the front door. All he could do was try. If Mickey was gone, or had forgotten him, or didn’t care anymore, then he’d just have to accept it and move on.

He gulped thickly as he knocked, hoping that at least Mickey would be the one to answer, and that the ability to form words based on coherent thoughts would manifest as needed.

He steeled himself for whatever might happen, standing with his back straight as an arrow as the door wrenched open.

The moment those ice-blue eyes met his, every single thought flew out of Ian’s head, feeling breathless as blood rushed to his head. Without a doubt, he’d never seen Mickey so surprised before. His ex wasn’t the type to be at a loss for words, but his mouth hung open, and the full irises of his eyes were exposed, eyebrows raised high on his forehead.

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there studying each other in silence before Ian gained the courage to speak.

“Hi, Mick.”

“Gallagher.” Clear uncertainty permeated his tone.

“Hope it’s not a bad time. Just wanted to talk to you for a minute?”

Mickey crossed his arms and widened his stance, walls going back up. “Been a long fuckin’ time. What, you find out you got an STD or some shit? Come to do the whole benevolent legal disclosure thing?”

One corner of Ian’s mouth lifted in a sad attempt at amusement. “Nah, nothing like that. Can I come in? Or if someone’s home, we can sit out here I guess.”

Mickey scanned him from head to toe, so Ian took advantage and did the same. “Never known you to come over for a conversation before.”

Ian nodded. “Look, I won’t stay long. I really just have something I need to say. Then, if you never wanna see me again, you won’t. I’d just rather not do it awkwardly standing in the doorway if possible.”

Mickey shrugged and walked into the house, leaving Ian to follow. “Whatever, man. No one else is here right now. Terry’s in the slammer, so he won’t barge in or anything.”

“Cool,” said Ian, closing the door behind him.

Mickey sat down on the couch, but Ian had no idea whether to follow or not. Didn’t know how close to get. He hated feeling so weird around Mickey. In spite of everything, he’d always felt a strange sense of comfort and belonging when they were together. Like he could just be himself. Well, a somewhat ‘withholding of affection’ version of himself, but the rest felt natural.

“You gonna sit the fuck down and spit it out or what?” Mickey demanded.

“Right…” Ian took a seat on the sofa, leaving the entire middle cushion between them. “Uh… I don’t really know where to start now that I’m here.” He chuckled nervously.

“Jesus, Gallagher, you fuckin’ dying or somethin’?”

Ian grimaced, unable to tame that tiny pessimistic molecule inside himself. “No. Well, I hope not. Uh, I enlisted.” He looked up from his lap to gauge Mickey’s reaction, pleased to find his expression slipping into something more serious and less put-upon. “I’ve been away training. Shippin’ out tomorrow. Last night home and all that.”

Mickey exhaled raggedly. “Fuck, Ian. The fuck’d you do that for?”

“You know I’ve always wanted to, Mick. Childhood dream and all that. Finally found a reason to bite the bullet, so to speak.”

Mickey ran a shaky hand over his face, snickering derisively. “Wow. So you came here to tell me you’re runnin’ off to get shot, and that it’s pretty much my fault too? That’s real swell of you, Firecrotch. Real nice.”

Ian shook his head. “That’s not what I’m trying to say at all. It’s not a guilt-trip. I just needed you to know, in case…”

“In case what? You don't come back? You fuckin’ die?”

Ian nodded. “Yeah, pretty much.”

Mickey shot to his feet and started pacing, running his hands through his black hair, and worrying his pink lip. “So what? Now I'm s'posed to lay awake worryin’ about your stupid, army-go-lucky ass every night? That’s not a fuckin’ guilt-trip?”

“No, Mick, it’s not. It’s not really about you, but I couldn’t just leave without seein’ you again. I miss you, okay? I stand by what I did, leaving… still feels like I had to do it… but that doesn’t just turn the feelings off. I thought about you a lot while I was away.”

“Christ, Ian, what are you talkin’ about? Just stop.”

Ian stood up and walked toward Mickey, forcing him to meet his eye without laying a hand on him. “I won’t. Not this time. I might never get another chance to say this, and it would be great if you could just shut the fuck up for once in your life and listen. I don’t care if you have nothing to say to me in return, okay?”

Mickey rolled his eyes, looking very uncomfortable.

“There's a lotta reasons I left,” Ian continued, “but that doesn’t mean that I wanted to, as much as I needed to. You just never let me tell you what I was feeling. Which is fine. I always knew what you were about, and I know why you’re not out. I didn’t want to punish you, I just had to do it for me. Cuz I can’t live like that—”

“Why are you sayin’ all this shit to me now? It’s in the past.”

“I’m just trying to get to the point, fuck. Maybe I’m rambling. I just mean… I know you don’t wanna hear it, but I have to say it just once, and then I’ll go…” Ian took a deep breath, steadying himself for this ridiculous, sincere proclamation. “Mickey Milkovich, I love you. More than anything. And I’ll be thinkin’ about you while I’m over there. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m sure I’ll fade from your mind soon enough, anyway. But I'll remember you. The good stuff, you know? And I’m sorry that it didn’t work out, but now you know.”

Ian smiled dimly and put a hand on Mickey’s shoulder, giving it a short squeeze. “Maybe this was selfish of me,” he added. “It feels good to get it off my chest, though. I hope you get to live your life the way you should one day, Mick. Just, you know… bein’ yourself. Not pretending. Happy; or something close to it. You deserve it.”

Mickey was as still and silent as a statue, probably completely unequipped to deal with all the shit Ian just threw at him, so Ian patted him on the cheek, moving to walk past. Which was fine. He hadn’t expected much more. The point was that Ian had said what he thought and felt, and now he could take that knowledge with him. Hopefully one day, Mickey would get it. Maybe take Ian’s words to heart. Maybe break away and live his truth in some way. And Ian would find his own path too. He was doing what he could to search for it.

He only made it a couple steps, though, before he felt Mickey’s hand slide around his wrist, pulling him back.

“Don’t,” he heard Mickey say softly.

“Don’t what?”

“Just… don’t.”

And then Mickey’s lips were on his for the first time in months, and he couldn’t believe it was happening. His sense memory activated, and he put everything he had into the kiss, in case it was all he got.

It wasn’t all he got, though, because Mickey’s passion matched his own in that moment, and their mutual understanding of each other’s bodies took over. The clothes were coming off before they even made it to the bedroom.

Ian hadn’t expected goodbye sex on his last night in town, but he definitely wasn’t unhappy to receive it… or give it, as it were. What he expected even less than that was Mickey suddenly becoming verbal again.

He was letting him stay the night, and they were practically sharing a pillow, just staring at each other. Not something that had usually been on the menu when they were together.

“Why’d you have to come say all this shit now?” asked Mickey. “When you’re just gonna leave again, maybe for good this time?”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“That's not what I mean. I know you’re good at the army bullshit, alright? I’ve seen you shoot. Seen your nerd-ass training. But no one can control bullets and bombs in a war zone, Gallagher. Plus, even if all goes well, you might still settle down somewhere else, right? Go full army life and live full-time on a base somewhere.”

“Are you saying that if I were here you’d want things to be different?”

Mickey sighed, running a thumb over Ian’s cheek in a way that was almost gentle. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Mick—”

“It’s okay. You gotta do what you gotta do. But…”

“But what?”

“Since we’re talkin’ fuckin’ life and death and all that heavy shit… I should say… that I feel it too.”

“Feel what too?”

Mickey rolled his eyes and smacked Ian’s cheek. “You know what.”

“I really don’t,” said Ian, biting his lip with a mixture of anxiety and glee.

Mickey sighed very loudly, huffing and puffing like saying the actual words would kill him. “I…”

“You?”

“God, I hate you. But I love you. I love your stupid, freckly, gingery ass. And I don’t fuckin’ want you to go off to war, okay?”

Ian’s grin stretched across his entire face. “You mean it?”

“No, I'm fuckin’ lyin’, cuz admitting warm and fuzzies is my favorite sarcastic pastime, asshole.”

Ian leaned forward and kissed Mickey tenderly once more. “Will you wait for me?”

“Don’t make me punch you in the face now, dipshit.”

“Will you?”

“Fuck no!”

“Yeah you will.”

“I really won’t.”

“Wanna bet?”

“Fuck you, Gallagher.”

“I think we can squeeze a few more in.”

“You got the shittiest timing of anyone I’ve ever met.”

Ian shrugged. “Yeah, I know. Gallagher curse.”

“You stupid motherfucker. Better not die.”

When Ian got on the bus the next afternoon, he felt so much lighter. And the future was something that he looked forward to. Whatever came.