#based on observing the lives of my friends who want to go to law and/or med school

[augerer]

"C-Come on," I said, trying to sound upbeat. "You can't say this wasn't worth it in of itself too, right? You're going to be one of the most qualified graduating arcanists in the world, in a couple years." I smiled a bit. "You could get tenure anywhere, work for the alliance administration, join the Sibyls--" "I'd rather still be at home, working at the library. Something boring," she said, shaking her head. "This stuff isn't for me. I'll never fit in."

this ran and su convo is obviously crazy because of [SPOILERS] but beyond that we need to be waking up the flower & legally blonde parallels of ran getting into the top medical grad program in the um entire world with no nepo connections even though she doesn't even care about and is uninterested in medicine because of her crush on a girl who barely knew her and who she hasn't actually talked to in ten years. what, like its hard? she is giving elle woods and/or phoenix wright.

[gynandromorph]

another NofNA style emulation comic, flashback style. this comic takes place 1 or 2 seasons after this comic. this one was to show Legend's first experience fighting and why she eventually came to start taking classes. she is a very stubborn character and i imagine without anyone telling her to do something else, she would have continued pursuing markscraftsmanship indefinitely. it was supposed to show a little bit of how she thinks in fights, but i think i could have done that part better.

you can see that she's walking home with a classmate who isn't a rodent. based on her dialogue, it seems like she was carrying supplies home herself instead of walking home with a rodent classmate until she befriended BY.

BY is a chacma baboon. he has a few unpleasant qualities, like cowardice and a lack of sensitivity toward Legend's insecurities, but from his perspective, he's just encouraging a friend who isn't confident in her talents and believes she's stuck trying to be a markscraft. there is a reason that he is studying to be a markscraft instead of going into fighting or a more important occupation like law or medicine; he wants a peaceful occupation where he supports other people who have to deal with the stressful stuff. they are sort of just past acquaintanceship -- they don't know each other very well. BY lives within escarpment south, like MK.

Legend lives in the same burrow, but the paperbark thorn is currently a smaller sapling, and there's less grass. the tree the leopard jumps from is a mountain hard pear (olinia emarginata). the shrub that BY hides under is a cancer bush (lessertia frutescens).

it bothered me as a kid (annoyed is maybe a better word) when predators who would chase the protagonists in shows and movies were sort of mindless killing machines, once i learned that they are somewhat selective and often risk-averse, because injury can be a death sentence for them, moreso than herbivores. a herbivore may be able to hide from predators until it heals; a predator can't hide from its need for food. i tried to give the leopard a richer... inner life than that. as Legend mentioned, she is deep past the wild-society border that's patrolled to keep wild predators like her at bay. she is aware of this. the expansion that BY mentioned is an expansion made primarily for an additional educational facility. i mentioned in the linked comic that i think markscraft classes are probably VERY populated, overflowing with students that faculty can't keep up with. the newer facility aimed to help ease the burden of educating a necessary labor force en masse. consequently, the area that the leopard is camping in is a footpath that connects the new writing college campus to a residential traffic junction which is used almost entirely by people who have no training in martial arts -- markscrafts. because the border is newer, there is probably more focus on patrolling the literal border around the campus than the paths connected to it. she is also aware of these things. in my head, she has observed many areas of their society for long periods of time (some more than others; no need to hang around an embassy to be noticed by the juiced guys with kill magic going in and out). she's absolutely picked people off here or there without the path, but she is rather desperate to be predating on largely rodents under half a pound when the consequences could be dire. when she sees two larger citizens on the path without the scent of rationale she has no hesitation. she jumped on the ratel instead of the baboon because the baboon had things stacked on his neck, and she wasn't sure how stiff they were or if she could bite through them right away. i don't know if she's ever hunted a ratel before, or if she simply knows their reputation secondhand, and thought it probably wouldn't be a problem with one coddled by society. i think she's under the belief that, unlike a smaller predator like a ratel, she is not diminutive enough to be welcome in society. it makes sense up front -- who wants to embrace the guy who ate grandma's face or dragged their baby off into the night? there is some powerful insecurity about feeling weaker than a collective group against her, and about the suggestion that there is something wrong with her way of living. i think she probably avoided them until food outside of the border became more scarce. i think wilds are shown as... "not knowing better"; in the addendum of secretary, it's put as "not thinking about the options they might have" -- but we are shown many wilds who know about society. they all seem to at least KNOW about it. they know that there is technically a way to enter it. so they DO know it's an option. it's just an option that's less palatable than killing people. and i wanted to write this leopard like that. i didn't really want her to be a hapless ignorant animal looking for food. food is absolutely part of it, but leopards in particular are very adaptable. she could just as well hunt other predators or pets and livestock near human society, but she has beef (not pun intended). i mentioned that Legend's parents raised her to be sympathetic to wilds, so here she is under the belief that this leopard would not eat people if she simply had Enough Information. who's to say? but she certainly doesn't lack ALL information about it. wilds seem to have a belief that being eaten by an opponent stronger than oneself allows you to become part of the stronger force. NOT eating someone is a grave insult (to predators, anyway, idk how prey species feel about that), and i think sparing her altogether is probably just rubbing salt in the wound about her insecurities wrt society being "better than her."

[phantompoguefangirl]

GREEN LIGHT-SPENCER REID

'Love compels cruelty To those who do not understand love.'

'I learn a great deal by merely observing you, and letting you talk as long as you please, and taking note of what you do not say.'

'In my end is my beginning.'

T.S. Eliot

A/N: Based on the episodes Green Light and Red light and basically that whole section of Season 12. Fluff and ANGST. This is also on my wattpad SerpentBeauty1710 and will be on my AO3, MayaGillespieReid

**********************************

Y/N POV:

Nothing could have prepared me for any of this.

Not for the way my soul left my body when the words "Spencer is in jail in Mexico" came out of Emily's horrified mouth.

Not for the anxiety being stuck home waiting for answers when half the team went down to get him.

Not for the relief and yet underlying tornado of emotions when the beautiful, kind and innocent boy wonder, the love of my life, my sweet Spencer...walked into the BAU in handcuffs.

The frustration when my short legs and rapidly expanding belly wouldn't let me get to him faster. The pain when he couldn't hug me back, then the love and desperation I felt him return by nuzzling his face into my neck as best he could while his bound hands caressed my bump. The soft but urgent warmth of his lips as I reached up to kiss him. The brief touch of his forehead to mine and the whispered reassurances right before Emily led him back to the elevator.

The way I broke down sobbing when the judge denied bail.

And the agony of waiting, of knowing he was so close to home and not being able to hold him or keep him safe. And on top of that, the stress of not knowing if he would get out in time, if at all...

The team did their best to support me through it and took turns helping with Diana when they could, along with the caregiver Spencer and I had hired for her. We had decided to move into a house with a mother in law suite for Diana when Spencer brought her to live with us in DC. We'd agreed Diana would do better with her own space and it ended up being a really good thing we moved. The team helped me finish settling in. Garcia was all over decorating, Emily JJ  and Tara helped me organize everything, Derek and our new agent Luke handled any repairs and/or replacements that needed done and Rossi brought his delicious food regularly. Hotch had very recently gone into in witsec with Jack, but I knew he'd be here helping too if he could.

I smiled appreciatively at the thought of our friends as I struggled to roll out of bed and padded to the kitchen for breakfast. I was grabbing a croissant from the container when I felt a small pinch in my neck and everything went dark.

The next thing I knew, I was waking up in what seemed to be a trunk. I was going to kick a tail light out or or scream or something but my hands and feet were tied up and there was duct tape over my mouth. It was cold, much more so probably due to the fact that I was only in a tank top and pajama shorts.

I didn't recognize my captors' voices but I tried to listen to the youngish girl and older man when they spoke. They mostly talked in low tones so it was difficult, but I heard them whisper Diana's name and something about the caregiver which caused my heart and stomach to constrict in terror. I wanted to scream at them to tell me where my mother in law was, but I knew it would probably do no good and I still had the tape on my mouth anyway.

What felt like days(but was probably only hours) passed and the only respite I had was when the man moved me to a different trunk and removed the tape before holding the phone to my ear. I recognized the phone number on the screen.

"Spencer?" I whimpered, shifting umcomfortably as the man held on to the ropes around me.

"Y/N, are you okay?!" He cried out desperately.

"Yeah we're okay, I think," I answered softly. "But Spencer, they have Mom. I don't know where, she's not with me but-"

The man shoved the tape back over my mouth and closed the trunk. I thought I heard Diana's scared voice right before he took the phone away, which was odd. I did hear a gunshot right outside a second later though, followed by a loud explosion, before the vehicle I was in roared to life and was suddenly in motion.

I tried to mentally document all of my surroundings, while simultaneously looking around for something to cut my bindings with, in order to keep myself from panicking. However, every so often the tightening feeling would return and I felt like I couldn't breathe.

Spencer's soft voice in my mind reassured me and reminded me how amazing our team is, which helped to soothe me a little. That led me to distract myself with thoughts of my wonderful husband. Of every little thing about him that I was so in love with. Things like his ridiculously cute laugh, our shared fascination with books and learning, the way he loved so deeply with his entire heart, his gentle kindness, his relentless determination, etc. One of my favorite things was the expression on his face whenever he concentrated hard on anything or whenever he was deep in thought. The way his brow furrowed while he rested his chin on his folded hand, every so often running his thumb or knuckle across his bottom lip or sometimes against his chin. I'd never seen him do this so intensely until the day he figured out this special puzzle box I'd had made for him.

*FLASHBACK*

It took me a bit to think of a good way to tell him the news. I didn't want to just say the words or show him the test or something simple. I wanted it to be as special as he was to me. It was a conversation we'd had about Sherlock Holmes that finally gave me the idea. I created a little scavenger hunt for him, the last clue of which was a puzzle box for him to solve. He loved puzzles and riddles. The answer to open the box was a phrase that he would have to guess.

He figured out the clues to the hunt much faster than expected, but the puzzle box actually took him quite a while to figure out. He got so determined to crack it that he brought it to work, unbeknownst to me. I was shocked when I walked into the round table room(I'd stopped in the break room for some tea which we were sadly out of) and found him studying it, eyebrows furrowed very deeply, head on hand and thumb brushing against his lip while Garcia and Hotch were briefing us on a case. I tried not to stare at him, because let's be honest it was unbelievably hot when he looked like that, and silently hoped he would not crack the code till later. Of course I had no such luck. He was a genius after all.

"I'm pregnant? What? I'm not-" Spencer suddenly said out loud, causing us all to stop and look at him. He was silenced by the box unlocking as he finished turning the small knobs to the correct letters. He saw what was inside and his eyes grew to the size of bowling balls as he picked it up. His face snapped up to look at me and he jumped out of his seat at the same time. "YOU'RE PREGNANT?!"

Everyone gaped at us. I froze, having not even made it into a chair yet.

"I...um...yeah," I managed to get out after a moment.

Spencer's mouth dropped open and his eyes somehow softened while staying wide. His floppy brown curls made him look even more like a puppy as he reached for me and squeaked out the word "Really?"

My heart melted, every emotion flooding to the surface, as I stepped closer to him.

"Yeah really. We're gonna have a baby, Spence," I said softly, smiling tentatively.

A gasp escaped Spencer's lips as he pulled me into his arms and spun me around while everyone cheered. He set me down and kissed me passionately through happy tears before the team engulfed us in hugs.

"Congratulations, you two," Hotch said, revealing a rare, genuine smile.

"Tanta Felicità!" Rossi exclaimed in Italian as he kissed our cheeks.

"You guys! This is amazing!" JJ said, "You're gonna be great parents!"

Tara echoed this enthusiastically, affectionately wrapping her arms around us for a brief moment before backing up.

"Wow, I was totally kidding when I asked if you wanted little baby geniuses some day. I'm so glad I was right though. This is wonderful news!" Emily quipped, grinning.

"BABY GENIUS THERE IS GOING TO BE A BABY GENIUS OH MY GOD I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD!" Penelope all but screeched as she embraced us tightly, continuing to ramble. "Auntie Penelope is gonna spoil the heck out of this little one just like I do with Henry and Michael! I hope it's a girl but as long as he or she is healthy that's all that really matters."

"Way to go, Pretty Boy. I didn't know you had it in you!" Morgan joked once Garcia was done, clapping Spencer on the shoulder as we all giggled. "But I couldn't be happier for you both."

"Thanks man," Spencer chuckled, as he looked down at the object in his hands and teared up some more.

"What is it?" Morgan asked. Nobody had seemed to notice the object before but now they all zeroed in on it.

"A onesie?" JJ asked.

"It says 'Daddy's little Genius'...Daddy... I'm gonna be a dad...," Spencer murmured, smiling in that adorable way he does when he's emotional.

A chorus of awwwws filled the room followed by them scruffing Spencer's hair or clapping him on the shoulders again. I also received more hugs and a couple kisses on the head from Morgan and Rossi.

Hotch let us celebrate for a second, and celebrated with us, before drawing our attention back to the case at hand. Of course, Penelope told us we were having a real celebration when we got back and would not take no for an answer. And that's exactly what we did.

I hadn't meant for everyone to find out like that, but it ended up being the happiest moment in my life so far.

The memory faded as the tightening intensified. It felt like a weight pressing on me, like I wasn't going to be able to relax until I knew that Diana was safe. If anything happened to her, I wasn't sure what the hell I would do. She'd been doing so much better and she'd been absolutely over the moon upon learning she was going to be a grandmother. She'd nearly screamed out joyfully when we told her the news. She'd insisted that Spencer and I take turns reading to the baby every day and when Spencer was away, she took his place, picking up wherever he left off while I rested. Diana was genuinely wonderful and I was not violent by nature but I would go absolutely feral on anyone who hurt her, even in my current condition.

I tried to keep distracting myself with thoughts of Spencer and eventually began to doze off.

SPENCER POV:

I realized who the girl was as soon as she left the visiting room with my mother. I contacted the team as soon as possible to let them know, unable to keep from panicking.

Convincing them to believe me and the wait for news was excruciating but that was nothing compared to what I felt when Emily visited to update me on everything.

As soon as she walked in the room, I could see that something was very wrong, aside from Lindsey taking my mom. I think subconsciously I already knew what it was when I first saw Lindsey, but I couldn't bear to let myself even consider it.

"We found your caregiver dead in a house just a few houses down from yours. Ballistics came back and turns out Lindsey used her father's gun. We don't know whether it was to prove a point or something else, but the reasons are unimportant." Emily began, urging me to sit. I politely refused and she continued, "The point is that you were right, Reid. You were right and I didn't believe you. I'm so sorry."

"She's a daddy's girl. She can't help but use his gun," I mused out loud, going over the memories of her case in my mind.

"Good. That's good. That helps," Emily said, but there was something about her voice that alerted me.

I sat there across the table, shaking at this point, but I made myself look at her. "There's something else you're not telling me, isn't there?"

Emily looked down, hesitating for a second before answering.

"It's Y/N," she finally said, holding back tears,"Lindsey took her too."

My heart stopped. I heard Emily shout my name but couldn't focus on her at all. I couldn't think. I couldn't even pull oxygen into my lungs.

This was not happening.

This could not be happening.

Not my wife... not our baby...

I felt a hand on my arm. I shoved it off of me.

"You have to find them, Emily. Promise me you'll find my mom and Y/N." I begged, desperately.

"I promise you, Reid. We will find them," Emily assured me. "Right now you just have to find a way to isolate yourself."

I stormed toward the door and had the guard take me back to my cell.

I ended up having to make it look like Shaw stabbed me with a shiv to get put in solitary confinement. I couldn't handle anything else happening and I had to least try and stay safe on the off chance I got to get out and search for my wife and mom. Not that I had any hope that I would get out at this point in time, but I trusted my team with everything and I knew they would not rest till they found my family.

Sometime later, I found myself being brought out of isolation without any warning and I was terrified that Shaw had conjured up his own way to get to me. The guard left me in a room alone and I tried to remain calm, bracing myself for what was to come.

I was not prepared for my best friend to walk through the door.

"We're taking you home," JJ choked out as her eyes watered.

I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding as I pulled her into a tight hug. After a minute, she led me out the door and took me back to the BAU.

The sense of ease at seeing my work family again, especially the radiant embodiment of sunshine that was Penelope Garcia, was brief. It was soon overshadowed by unbridled rage when we discovered that Cat Adams was the true mastermind behind all of this.

She had Lindsey frame me for murder.

She had me put in prison.

She risked my sobriety by drugging me.

She had Lindsey kidnap my family.

Now, she was demanding to speak to me by using them as leverage.

Of course she wanted to play a game just like we did before when I arrested her, using my watch as the timer. She was angry that I'd outsmarted her so she wanted to break me. I was not about to let her have even a sliver of satisfaction.

She almost succeeded, however, when she revealed she was pregnant with my child.

Almost.

Apparently she'd told Lindsey to pretend to be Y/N after she dosed me with drugs so she could collect a sample from me down in Mexico. I knew it should not be possible, but I had been drugged and my memories of that day were still very hazy so I couldn't be sure.

"That's right, Y/N's not the only one carrying a baby protegé," Cat said in almost a sing song voice as I rushed out of the room. "I was thinking, if it's a boy, Spencie Junior. Or if it's a girl, Y/N. You know, since she played a part in her own conception."

JJ was waiting outside with Cat's file, hesitantly holding it up. I barely heard the words she said as I read it, then threw it against the wall once I saw the confirmation of pregnancy.

"Sorry," I said gently, upon noticing I had scared JJ. I ran my fingers through my hair. "I just...just need a minute."

JJ just nodded in understanding.

Some time later, the team discovered that Cat was lying about the child being mine and we eventually got her to call her cohort for proof of life.

My heart swelled when I heard the love of my life's voice on the other end of the phone.

"Yeah we're okay, I think," she answered softly. Dread filled me at her next words. "But Spencer they have Mom. I don't know where, she's not with me but-

She'd conferenced in the call for my mom too and their voices made me hopeful for a second before both calls were cut off with explosions.

I forced the metal table out of my way before shoving Cat against the wall by her throat.

"I'm gonna kill you," I hissed, enraged once more. "I'm gonna kill you."

I kept repeating that until JJ pried me off of Cat, reminding me over and over that she was pregnant.

I stormed out again with JJ hot on my heels. I didn't have time to break down before the team told us that there was a call in about an amber alert Emily put out for Lindsey. Two vehicles at the scene were blown up but the only victim inside was male.

I felt bad for the man who was killed, but this meant there was hope again.

JJ and I talked some things through and pieced together what Cat really wanted me to say. While I told Cat what she wanted to hear, the team discovered the prison guard who had actually been the one to impregnate Cat and found two properties he owned.

I won the game by telling Cat that I could have done several different things to get out of the situation with Shaw and his men but I chose the one that would cause the most pain. In the process, Lindsey overheard us on Emily's tablet which had been connected to the visiting room cameras, realizing Cat betrayed her and therefore giving up.

As I was heading out, Cat piped up again. "How are you going to be a father now that you've proven you enjoyed hurting those men in prison? I mean, because once you've crossed that line, you can never go back."

In a split second I was on my knees in front of her, yanking my watch off of her wrist.

"Watch me," I retorted before walking out.

The team found my mom first and they let me see her briefly, then they took her to the hospital to make sure she was okay. We went to a secondary location we'd discovered which was where they were holding Y/N. I wasn't technically supposed to go because I was not reinstated yet but I couldn't think clearly enough to obey that rule when my girl and my unborn child were in danger.

Luckily, JJ was a parent and knew me too well so she had my back. Rossi also understood and had a helicopter standing by. We managed to make it there in time for the team to breech the house and I rushed in along side them without thinking.

That's when my whole life changed.

Y/N P.O.V.

My captors brought me to a house and left me in a room on the floor. I was alone for awhile and attempted to move to relieve the tight cramping sensation, which had gotten so much worse. I tried to conceal my pain from the man who was walking around the house setting stuff up and attaching rectangle shaped objects to the walls.

I was horrified when I saw that they were C4 charges. The resulting panic ran concurrent with another very intense tightening sensation, followed by what felt like a toilet flushing inside me and then a few minutes later, warm liquid spilled out between my legs.

All at once, the realization hit. The pains I'd been feeling all day were contractions and the liquid was my water breaking.

I was in labor. I had been kidnapped, was about to be blown up and I was in fucking labor.

I wasn't even due for another few weeks so this shouldn't be happening yet. I mean, I knew from the books Spencer and I read that babies rarely came on their actual due dates, but I was still incredibly frightened.

I wept quietly. Three or four more excruciating contractions ripped through me much more quickly before I was distracted by the doors being busted open.

I almost didn't even notice Tara knocking out the unsub or the others disarming the bombs because all I could focus on was the beautiful face of my sweet Spencer as he rushed over to me.

He hijacked Luke's pocket knife from his belt, swiftly slicing through the ropes before wrapping his arms around me.

"Spence," I sobbed hysterically into his shoulder.

"I'm here, love. It's okay," he murmured into my hair, kissing the side of my head.

"How are you here?" I asked, almost unable to conceive that he was really in front of me.

"I'll explain later. Right now we have to get you out of here," He answered, reaching to help me up.

"Wait, is Mom-" I started to say, but he was way ahead of me.

"Mom is fine, Emily and Luke got her back." he responded, relief in his voice.

"Oh, thank God. I-oh!" I grimaced, grabbing my belly.

"What's wrong?" Spencer asked, his face instantly distressed.

"The baby is coming," I managed to say through gritted teeth. "Like, right now."

"What?!"He nearly shouted. He located and motioned to the paramedics that had followed him in. "She's in labor. We need to get her to the hospital immediately!"

The EMTs rushed over to us.

"Ma'am how far apart are your contractions?" one of the paramedics asked as he opened his bag, applied a blood pressure cuff to my arm and took my vitals. Another EMT started setting up a stretcher for me.

I gripped my husband's bicep for dear life as I felt another contraction after a little bit. He winced in pain but he supported me through it.

"I don't know, but close enough to know we ain't making it to the hospital," I groaned, leaning against him once it passed.

"Damn it, you're right. That last one was 2 minutes and 48 seconds from the one you had when I got here. How are you in active labor so quickly? The books said the first child usually takes the longest and it could be hours if not days before the baby is born," Spencer rambled anxiously.

"Um, pretty sure I've been having contractions since they took us," I told him,"How long has it been since then?"

He gaped at me,"It's about 1:30am. It's been approximately 17 hours. God, I'm so sorry, Y/N. This is not how this was supposed to happen. It's 3 weeks early and you're under too much stress-"

"It's okay, Spence. We're okay," I reassured him, grabbing my belly as another pain shot through me. "Oohh nope we're not!"

Spencer looked so freaked out which was sort of scaring me.

The EMT seemed to notice and stopped what he was doing,"Hey, it's going to be okay, guys. Her vitals and everything look good and babies are delivered a few weeks premature all the time and are in perfect health. We'll take good care of you all, I promise."

It seemed to work. Spencer relaxed a little bit and switched into doctor mode, holding my hands.

"You're alright, just remember the birthing classes. Breathe with me like this, okay?" He instructed in a gentle voice, demonstrating what the lamaze teacher taught us. I did what he said as best as I could.

The team, who was still standing there awkwardly, left when Spencer and the paramedic started to remove my short bottoms and slid a large pad thing underneath me. JJ said they would meet us at the hospital since they needed to check on Diana anyway. At some point in the process Spencer slipped behind me, sitting with his legs on either side of me and his arms under mine, probably without thinking about it. We sat like this a lot in the classes and also at home because he'd read that sitting like this while carefully lifting my belly provided some much needed relief from it weighing down on me.

"Looks like you're fully dialated. It's time for you to push," the paramedic said, after he checked me. "Uh, what are you doing?"

"I need," I grunted, shifting back against Spencer, who as quick to assist,"I need to be up..."

"What?" the medic asked, confused.

"Statistically, it's much more beneficial and effective to give birth in an upright position such as squatting or kneeling on all fours," Spencer prattled off facts as he lifted me so I was sitting up against his chest. He kept his arms underneath mine and entwined our fingers so I could squeeze his hands whenever I needed to."In fact, up until the 1700's, women were even known to give birth standing up. It allows the pelvic bones to open up for the child to pass through more easily and gravity helps the process move faster."

The medic gave him the look everyone gives him when he spouts facts and I supressed a giggle.

"Are you a doctor?" he asked my husband, incredulously.

"I have 3 phD's so technically yes-oh owww,"Spencer's sentence was interrupted by me squeezing the life out of his hands as another one hit.

The medic gave him a 'wow' look and then focused on me again,"Okay, anyway I'm gonna have you push through this contraction. Are you ready?"

I nodded and inhaled deeply, pushing on his cue. He counted down and told me to stop. I exhaled harshly and rested for a second before I was told to do it again. We repeated this a few times, Spencer lovingly encouraging me through it. The medic also reassured me that I was doing great, even though I was exhausted and didn't feel like I was doing well.

Sooner than expected, a tiny wail filled the room, changing everything and stirring an indescribable feeling inside me.

"It's a girl!" The paramedic announced, cleaning her, wrapping her in the blue towel things they use and placing her in my arms.

"Oh my gosh" I gasped as I stroked her small head, in hysterical tears at this point. "Hello my little love...oh Spence, look at her..."

Spencer, gaping at her in awe, managed to speak, "H-hi princess, I'm your dad...wow you're so beautiful...you look just like your mommy."

He wasn't wrong. She had his round, hazel eyes, but most of her facial features and her hair color were the same as mine. I smiled warmly down at her through my tears.

I was going to throw back a smart remark but it was forgotten as more tightening and the need to push again overtook me. "Something else is coming out what the-?"

"It's probably the placenta needing to be delivered," Spencer said, without taking his eyes off of our daughter.

"I don't think so," The medic said, reaching his hands out as I instinctively pushed some more.

Just when I thought I could not exert myself anymore, whatever it was came out and the medic grinned, holding it up. "Does that look like a placenta to you, Doctor?"

Our eyes just about popped out of our heads at the sight of the tiny wriggling form.

Another baby??!!

"I-No but- that's impossible," Spencer stuttered, in shock. I mirrored his expression completely.

"You didn't know?" The medic looked confused as he grabbed another towel thing.

"No, the ultrasounds only showed one baby," I said, in disbelief.

"This is a surprise then!" the medic chuckled. "Well congratulations Mom and Dad, it's a boy!"

He placed the baby in my other arm and reminded Spencer, who was still completely astounded, to cut the umbilical cords.

"We have twins?" Spencer whispered increduously, staring at the two small bundles wiggling against my chest.

"We have twins," I repeated, gazing back and forth between my babies and my husband, dumbfounded, "I can't believe it."

The second baby looked exactly like his father. The same brown curls, the same nose, lips, eyes, everything. He was perfect. Both our children were. I'd never felt so much love and joy in my life and I could tell Spencer hadn't either.

"Hi, sweet boy, we were not expecting you, but we are so happy that you're here," I cooed at my son.

"Yes we are. We love you so much, little buddy," Spencer agreed, resting his head on my shoulder as he brushed the boy's cheek lightly with his thumb.

I turned my head to face him and he pressed his lips to mine, murmuring. "I love you and I'm so proud of you."

"I love you too," I murmured back, feeling the warm wetness on my cheeks return as I pressed my forehead to his.

"Congratulations, again. They're adorable," The medic said, warmly as he cleaned everything up.

"Thank you," We answered simultaneously, smiling widely.

When the EMT was done, Spencer moved out from behind me and took the babies so the medics could lift me onto the stretcher. They put a warm blanket over me and then Spencer handed me one of the babies, still wanting to hold one.

Once we got to the hospital, Spencer went with the nurses who took the babies to get checked out. I was taken by other nurses who set me up in a room and made sure I was okay. While he was gone I asked one of my nurses to bring Diana and our friends up to my room.

Diana was a little confused for a minute when she saw me, but luckily her son walked in with a rolling bassinet at just the right moment, parking it next to my bed.

"Spencer's here," I told her softly.

She looked up at him and after a second she rushed into his arms and he embraced her happily, crying.

"Hi, Mom," he murmured.

She pulled back and took his face into her hands. "Don't you ever leave me again."

"I won't," He told her, pulling her back in for a hug. "I love you."

She said it back and after a bit, he was the one to pull back.

"Mom, I have a surprise for you. For all of you, actually," He said, looking at our friends. He smiled as he handed me one baby and then picked up the other and turned to face the group.

Everyone gasped or looked at us wide eyed.

There was a chorus of attempted quiet reactions from the team while Diana moed closer to us, some recognition beginning to spark in her eyes. I could see Garcia using every ounce of her strength not to freak out and accidentally scare her.

"Am I a grandma?" She asked, tentativel.

"Yeah, you are," Spencer answered, warmly.

Diana looked back and forth between us, confused. "But I thought there was only one?"

Spencer chuckled, gesturing to the blue bundle in his arms. "Yeah, we thought so too, until this little guy showed up unannounced."

"He's shocking people just like his father already," She grinned, earning a light laugh from all of us. "Well, do they have names yet?"

"Well, we have a girl name since we knew we were having a daughter, but we are still trying to figure out a boy name since he was a surprise," I answered.

"What's the girl's name?" she asked, sitting on the bed next to me. Spencer sat on my other side.

"Say hello to Amelia Diana Reid," We told her happily as I shifted the pink blanket away from our daughter's face so she could see better.

She gasped again and looked back and forth between Spencer and I in shock once more before smiling and gently hugging us. Awwww's filled the room at the scene.

"The middle name obviously needs no explanation, but the meaning behind the first name is something we want to share. Neither of us had good fathers and I don't have a good mother. So Amelia is the closest thing we could think of as a kind of combination of Aaron and Emily, our work mom and dad,"I explained, smiling adoringly at Emily.

She came over and embraced us carefully. "Thank you. I wish Hotch were here. I think you two are the only ones beside Jack that can get him to smile, and this would definitely turn that stoic frown upside down."

We giggled and so did several of our team members.

I helped Diana hold Amelia for a little bit, and then our son in turn until she started to be less lucid and wanted to rest. Emily had arranged for her to sleep and be cared for in a room close by ours so she could be near us. JJ took her to that room with a nurse and the others left our room for a little while so I could feed the twins. We were burping and changing them when everyone came back.

As soon as she was able to, Penelope pretty much exploded, accidentally interrupting Spencer as he was trying to tell me something. "Oh my gosh TWINS? Two baby geniuses for the price of one! This is the best news ever and I am going to buy tons of stuff for baby boy since you're gonna need double the baby supplies and you only have girl stuff right now and I am going to love them and hug them and be there for them and teach them lots of cool things and-"

"Garcia, breathe," Rossi said, patting her on the back as we all giggled. He turned to us, "Congratulations, both of you."

"Oh they're so precious, guys!"JJ cooed, coming over for a closer look. She was very careful as she hugged us,"You know, anything you need, I'm here for you. Okay?"

"Yeah same, we got you," Luke agreed.

"Well done, Dr. and Mrs, Reid," Tara said in admiration.

"Thanks everyone," we responded happily.

"You did good, mama. The babies are beautiful," Morgan said, leaning down and kissing me on the head as he touched Amelia's hand with his pinky finger. He smiled over at Spencer, "You too, kid. Gideon would be proud of you, you know."

The look on Spencer's face brought me to tears. I'd only been on the team a short time before Gideon left, but I did get to briefly experience the kind, caring, brilliant man he was, who loved Spencer like his own son and knew him better than he knew himself. He even knew the second Spencer and I met that we were falling for each other because he would pair us up a lot and whenever we were together or he caught us looking at one another, he got a look on his face like he was seeing something we were not. He later told Spencer this in his letter and told him to hold on to me and to not let the job get in the way of us. He said to find solace in each other and remind each other of the good things in the world when we were bogged down by all the bad things we saw at work.

This was what finally gave Spencer the courage to ask me out and thank God for that because I was going out of my mind over him by that point and I was so close to just giving up entirely.

Suffice it to say, that man meant the whole world to Spencer and by extention, to me as well. His loss had been beyond devastating for us and I had since been looking for a way to honor his memory....

I looked at my husband, "Hey love, what were you saying before Garcia's outburst?"

"Hmm?" He mumbled, having been pulled out of whatever thought process he was in, "Oh, I was saying I have an idea for our son's name..."

"Oh? What is it?" I asked, curiously.

"I noticed that the medic who delivered the twins had a nametag that said Elliot and I really liked it because it makes me think of the author T.S. Eliot, but also because it reminds me of my friend Elle who used to work with us and who I miss very much. So I was thinking we could name him Elliot, if you're okay with it, of course," He whispered, rambling a bit excitedly.

I knew who Elle was. He and some of the others had talked about her a lot and she seemed like a good person who had just been through a lot. She was like an older sister to Spencer and the name was really cute and meaningful so I was sold.

"I love it...and I have a suggestion for his middle name," I told him, eagerly.

"What?" he asked.

"Gideon," I whispered back, tentatively.

He stared at me for a second with his huge puppy eyes, looking like he was about to cry. He nodded fervently, his eyes moving to his tiny carbon copy sleeping in his arms. He'd barely taken his eyes off the twins since they'd been born and watching him become so  enamored by them made me fall even more in love with him.

"Hey guys, we came up with a name for our son," He said out loud, grabbing everyone's attention as he lifted one of the baby's hands, waving it. "I'd like you all to meet Elliot Gideon Reid."

Tara and Luke only partially connected the dots, since they only knew stories of Gideon and Morgan had just mentioned him.

The rest of the team, however, got both names immediately and there was not a dry eye amongst them. More hugs happened and then everyone took their turns holding the twins and talking with us for awhile until they saw us having trouble staying awake. They handed the babies back and quietly made their way out, one by one.

We put the twins in their bassinet and Spencer curled up next to me while we stared at them.

"Welcome to the world, Amelia and Elliot," we whispered. "We love you."

***********************************

EPILOGUE(Spencer POV):

I was reinstated to the FBI, after some substantial time off to be with my wife and new babies, with mandatory sabbaticals every so often. I did my best to balance work and home, actually electing to stay behind with Garcia sometimes so I could be close to home. A few years later, we had another set of twins, this time both showing up on the sonograms. They were a boy and girl again, and we named them Lilliana Jennifer Reid and Theodore Morgan Reid(Lilly and Theo for short).

Then, another year and a half later, we got pregnant with our last child, a complete surprise since we were told we could not have any more. We named her Davina Penelope Reid, Davina being the closest female name to David(for Rossi).

After that, we were done and our family was complete. Of course, the team adored them and spoiled them rotten. We also realized not long after Amelia and Elliot were born that my mom would be much better cared for in a facility, which was very difficult for me to come to terms with. Fortunately, we found an amazing facility nearby. She's actually thriving there and she loves her grandbabies so much. We bring them to visit her or bring her home sometimes. She often reads to them or teaches them about literature and history the way she taught me.

Life is good. And I am thankful for every day with my gorgeous wife, my five wonderful children, my awesome friends and of course, my mother.

***********************************************

[yuri-is-online]

The Rains Have Ceased (Riddle, Cater, and Idia x Yuu)

You have been having strange dreams lately. Every time you go to sleep you se the same set of flashing images, a carriage ride, a crumbling castle under a ink stained sky, ending in the jaws of a monster. The pain you feel from the flames makes you wonder, on nights when you are alone in Ramshackle with Grim, if those dreams are less fiction and more of a memory.

You are not the only one who has those dreams. There's another, laying awake in his bed, hand clutched tightly over his frantically beating heart trying desperately to hold the fraying edges of his sanity together. How many times has he done this? How many times has he tried to hold onto the last fleeting traces of warmth in you with his cold, unworthy hands.

Again. He loves you, that is the one thing that refuses to change no matter how many times the world is reset. He loves you, he has no choice but to try again.

notes: they/them pronouns used for Yuu,more of this here (ie which boys would go insane trying to save Yuu from a time loop), heavy angst, hurt almost no comfort, borderline yandere behavior, major character death, references to murder, everyone is self destructing. If this made you feel something you can check out my masterlist here.

Riddle

He handles things extremely poorly when there is no guide book or rules he can follow. If it is made clear to him that there is no way of saving Yuu, that cosmic law has decreed they die, then he has no real choice but to let them... unless there is some way to take their place. Riddle is determined to be the very best at everything, and he is a bit of a brat when it comes to things that make him angry, but he becomes desperate help his friends when they find themselves in situations he feels that he has caused. He can accept that there is no way for you to be together, the chances of that were admittedly already pretty slim; you are from a different world and his mother almost certainly has plans for him he would find difficult to ignore. What he cannot accept there is no chance for you to live, he'd even be content to watch you fall in love with someone else just please, please live. He cannot bring himself to confess to anyone what it is he is trying to do, Trey would absolutely try to stop him, Ace and Deuce wouldn't accept your fate, and he doesn't know how Cater would react. He satisfies himself with telling you he loves you every time he dies in your place, whether it is in your arms or not.

Cater

TBH he is not really someone you can rely on in this situation bestie. Not because he doesn't love you, he's past denying that, but because Cater already doesn't want to dwell on what things could have been. His dorm uniform has a voice line lamenting you aren't in Heartsabyul but brushing it off because there just isn't any use in wishing for things. With each reset he spirals further and further, it gets harder for him to keep his mask in place. Why do you keep dying if he isn't going out of his way to save you? And why can't he stop caring about you? Is it because in spite of everything he still loves you? Cater is actually pretty good at dealing with people and making plans, he could maybe keep you alive a little bit longer if he helped. He eventually lets that thought slip to Lilia, who believes him purely based on the fact it's him saying it. Lilia does his best to help, picking Cater's mind for observations of each loop and trying to make a plan. He wonders if he is even worthy of you if he cannot make a plan to save you, if you will hate him if you realize how passive he has been. No matter how many times Lilia points out that you have loved him in every life time, or that he can say he has been passive all he likes but he has been going out of his way to watch over you from the shadows, Cater refuses to accept that he is just as faultless in this as you. His smile and optimism are determined to stay gone.

Idia

So. The last time someone in his life died in front of him he turned them into a robot. While you were dying in front of him the thought of making a new Yuu did cross his mind, he almost had a stroke from how pleased he was when he woke up before orientation for a second go with all his memories in tact. Ortho is brought into the loop immediately, as is Styx. As mixed as Idia's feelings are about the family business, he recognizes this has something to do with blot and that Styx is his best bet of saving you. Chapter 6 already proved he doesn't have much... emotion about conducting experiments that deal with blot, as a method of coping with his current situation he starts to try and gamify the time loop, or view it as an experiment. He won't feel bad about imprisoning the overblot students or deciding to take the time to study Grim. Ortho is probably the one who suggests kidnapping you before Crowley can bring you back into the mirror chamber and keeping you safe... somewhere. Maybe he takes you back to Styx, maybe he just keeps you in Ignihyde with a robot child soldier guarding you at all times. He doesn't care if you hate him, well that's not true. Idia want you to love him, he wants you to play games with him just like you used to. But something in this world is trying to kill you, and until it is gone he cannot let you out of his sight; a flower that's doomed to stay in the underworld, forevermore.

[koheletgirl]

You talked a little in your post about how you became anti-zionist about the israeli left's aversion to religion, and I've noticed it aswell but could never fully manage to connect these dots. Do you mind sharing a bit more about it?

let me preface this by saying everything i say here is based on my own experience and observations. what i'm going to say here will be oversimplified and i apologize for that, however i am in no headspace to get into the full nuance of this right now and i do want to talk about this.

so the influence orthodox judaism has on israeli politics is a major, major topic that i am going to address a few aspects of here. the first one (which is the least interesting one to me) is the idf. military service in israel is mandatory for every citizen over 18, but haredim are exempt from it. quoting wikipedia here (sorry), "haredi jews maintain that the practice of studying the torah (or reciting) [...] is crucial in defending the israeli people from threats, similar to an additional 'praying division' of the military". to non-religious zionist jews, this is seen as a betrayal. this, combined with laws that allow yeshiva students to live on government allowances rather than working, makes a lot of israelis feel like they're being taken advantage of by the haredim. it's not uncommon to hear people say haredim are "living off of" them.

another aspect of this, which genuinely causes me (and a lot of other people, obviously) pain, is the way jewish law is incorporated into israeli law. you may have heard last year about how abortion is allowed in judaism under certain conditions; this is true, but if i wanted to get an abortion i would have to go in front of a committee to determine whether i meet these conditions. orthodox judaism doesn't allow driving on shabbat, so there is no public transportation on shabbat in israel (shabbat being friday afternoon - saturday evening). if i want to get on a train or a bus on a weekend, i can't. a christian or a muslim living in israel can't either. there is no legal way to get married as a jew in israel without involving the rabbinate, which means that gay marriage is illegal, interfaith marriage is illegal, and so forth (if your last name is cohen, you're not legally allowed to marry a divorced woman, for instance). and worse, if you are jewish and considered married in israel (even if you didn't get married in israel), you can only get divorced through the rabbinate. which means the woman has pretty much no say in this, and there is a phenomenon in israel of women who are married against their will (i recommend watching gett: the trial of viviane amsalem, because it's informative but mostly because it's an incredible film).

these are just a few examples of this. to summarize, the influences jewish law has on israeli law are prevalent as it is, and a lot of the current israeli leadership is seeking to make them even more so. and this reality is very scary to a lot of israeli citizens, jewish or not, myself included.

now, here is where it gets unpleasant. the israeli left is mostly hiloni, non-religious, and heavily opposes all of this. for good reason! but what i have noticed, is that it creates a general aversion within the left to judaism in particular and religion as a whole. it creates a hostility. my relationship with judaism is incredibly complicated, and most of it stems from the fact that i live here. i have friends who feel a genuine disdain for judaism, because of the way it's manifested in israel. and there's a very real fear that one day soon we will become the minority, and find ourselves in an ultra-jewish theocracy. it scares me, genuinely, as a woman and as a part of the queer community. it scares a lot of people.

and this is where it ties to the left's fear of a one secular state solution and the right of return. this very real fear of living in a jewish theocracy, manifests itself in the much less realistic fear of living in a muslim theocracy. i always get to this point when talking to my parents. they ask me if i actually believe that this won't happen if jews are no longer the majority here. and an argument that is always present in conversations about the fear of secular jews becoming the minority is that "they (haredim and other religious jewish groups) reproduce a lot faster than us". sounds awful, doesn't it? but statistically speaking, the more religious you are, the more children you have. and they use this same argument when talking about palestinians.

israelis talk about palestinians as if they're all hyper-religious muslims. we've seen this recently, in israel's attempts at pinkwahing. and they teach us about islam in school, with every islamophobic stereotype you can think of. they showed us "not without my daughter" in arabic class. so islamophobia is rampant in israel, obviously. and what i have noticed with the israeli left, is that even the most progressives of them are still terrified of the prospect of becoming a religious minority, because it's a fear they deal with daily in the face of the current israeli government. that is not to say they're not also islamophobic, many (most) of them are. but personally i think it's fascinating to see how this ties into how oppressed they feel by a religion that they're a part of. how scared they are of religion as a concept. how very concrete fears of where this country is currently headed tie into fears of where a hypothetical multi-ethnic secular state would go.

again, this in no way encapsulates the full situation or even just this issue. it's just something i've been thinking about a lot lately.

[mickmundy]

another merc hc thread request from twitter! pyro seems like an appropriate addition since we've been stuck in our apartment without ac during a lethal heatwave. as of today for the first time, we officially have ac! let's cool off with some pyro headcanons! i hope you enjoy my dear friend!

honestly pyro is one I've held off on for a long time because i really think they're at their best when a great deal of their character is left completely ambiguous. pyro is the Beloved Mystery of the group (spy thinks it's him. Ha!), some things are better left unknown!

that said, i don't ponder what's "under the mask". the mask is an equally important part of who pyro is, too! i know it's common to dwell on what's going on under that iconic uniform, but i personally don't! are they an eldritch terror? are they just Some Person? who knows!

imo the mercs do not ponder this either. pyro is their friend and some things are just simply not their business! they might have a passing curiosity sometimes, but all in all, nobody is seeking to try and "figure them out"! they like pyro just the way they are, no matter what that way may be!

very creative, super visual! loves to draw and paint… they won't hesitate to get their gloves wet! loves gardening or anything that keeps their hands busy. LOOOOVES junk journaling. what can they say, there's lot of junk around the base!

this applies to my personal Team Fortress Law in general but also heavily to pyro so i'll stick it in with their headcanons: the love of the bit. and of nonsensical "toon" physics. a lot of fun things about the tf2niverse is that they don't demand explanation! "pyro, you could do that the whole time?!" No, not ANY time! only when it serves some higher comedic or ironic purpose!

i think pyro is mute (selectively or otherwise) and prefers to sign. she'll also grunt/make other expletive sounds, but her preferred method of communication is signing! or drawing out what she wants to communicate. no matter what she chooses, the mercs are great interpreters!

loves to learn. can almost always be seen peering over one of the other mercs' shoulders when they're doing… just about anything! it happens so often that even the most personal-space-valuing mercs have gotten used to pyro's love of observation!

not a child, or child-like. enjoys whimsy and toys and also maiming. just because he has some unconventional interests doesn't mean he's any less of a Grown Adult Merc than the rest of them!

loves to bake and is really good at it! pyro enjoys burning stuff, but even pyro knows that everything has it's perfect Burnt (ie:correctly cooked) Temperature! the mercs love his sweet treats!

i think the other mercs play up their fear of pyro to outsiders as an inside joke. like the meet the team videos where they're all scared of them was done to scare the shit out of the director LOL. like pyro has no idea that's what they're doing and spy will come behind the director and be like "look at the bloodlust within the wretched beast's eyes…" and pyro will see spy and stand up and wave like ^_^! and spy will wink and wave back when the director can't see him do so SKDFS

the best listener out of all of the mercs. pyro loves to listen! about anything! not likely to give sagely advice (best to go to heavy, engie or spy for that!), but if you just want someone to lean on and listen, pyro's your pal (and best secret-keeper)!

there's a lot of speculation about pyroland but again it's not something i dwell on. i entertain the idea of pyroland being symbolic of pyro quitting the job they hated. life's a fantasyland every day when you're doing what you love with who you love!

is a great driver and one of the most financially responsible mercs! extremely wealthy (nobody knows this) and lives humbly. always a big tipper, loves giving gifts to the mercs (handmade or otherwise)!

the eye goggles on pyro's mask are expressive! if she "raises a brow", her goggles move to make the expression!

doesn't hate water, just gets in it in their suit! loves to swim and blow bubbles underwater in their mask. don't leave them in charge of the thermostat though… what's A Little Warm to pyro might be 'your skin is melting off' to another! as for when they were frowning in the sub, i always figured that was because he can't play with fire in a submarine, lest the whole thing explode!

very gentle. great with medic's birds and all of the critters sniper catches (claps their hands repeatedly when sniper catches a new one!), takes very good care of them! loves reptiles specifically because they like warm climates and can be pretty hard to kill, just like pyro!

nobody ever sees pyro eat, but he Does eat! they'll all sit down to eat and there will be bite marks in the food and it will slowly disappear... but not when anyone can see it do so! again, nobody questions this or tries to "catch" pyro in the act. that's just another Pyroism!

really loves learning other languages (pyro has a language of their own of course!) and hanging around spy and heavy. they like their mellow vibe and enjoy "parallel playing" with them while they discuss literature. the mercs also say that pyro has a knack for impressions!

[mikeo56]

Princeton, N.J. — As I write this, the sun is a hazy reddish orange orb. The sky is an inky yellowish gray. The air has an acrid stench and leaves a faint metallic taste in my mouth. After 20 minutes outside, my head starts to ache, my nose burns, my eyes itch and my breathing becomes more labored. Streets are deserted. The ubiquitous lawn service companies with their machine mowers and whining gas-powered leaf blowers have disappeared, along with pedestrians, cyclists and joggers. Those who walk their dog go out briefly and then scamper back inside. N95 masks, as in the early days of the pandemic, are sold out, along with air purifiers. The international airports at Newark and Philadelphia have delayed or canceled flights.

I feel as if I am in a ghost town. Windows shut. Air conditioners on full blast. The Air Quality Index (AQI) is checked and rechecked. We are hovering around 300. The most polluted cities in the world have half that rate. Dubai (168). Delhi (164). Anything above 300 is classified as hazardous.

When will the hundreds of forest fires burning north of us in Canada — fires that have already consumed 10.9 million acres and driven 120,000 people from their homes — be extinguished? What does this portend? The wildfire season is only beginning. When will the air clear? A few days? A few weeks? 

What do you tell a terminal patient seeking relief? Yes, this period of distress may pass, but it’s not over. It will get worse. There will be more highs and lows and then mostly lows, and then death. But no one wants to look that far ahead. We live moment to moment, illusion to illusion. And when the skies clear we pretend that normality will return. Except it won’t. Climate science is unequivocal. It has been for decades. The projections and graphs, the warming of the oceans and the atmosphere, the melting of polar ice sheets and glaciers, rising sea levels, droughts and wildfires and monster hurricanes are already bearing down with a terrible and mounting fury on our species, and most other species, because of the hubris and folly of the human race. 

The worse it gets the more we retreat into fantasy. The law will solve it. The market will solve it. Technology will solve it. We will adapt. Or, for those who find solace in denial of a reality-based belief system, the climate crisis does not exist. The earth has always been like this. And besides, Jesus will save us. Those who warn of the looming mass extinction are dismissed as hysterics, Cassandras, pessimists. It can’t be that catastrophic.

At the inception of every war I covered, most people were unable to cope with the nightmare that was about to engulf them. Signs of disintegration surrounded them. Shootings. Kidnappings. The bifurcation of polarized extremes into antagonistic armed groups or militias. Hate speech. Political paralysis. Apocalyptic rhetoric. The breakdown of social services. Food shortages. Circumscribed daily existence. But the fragility of society is too emotionally fraught for most of us to accept. We endow the institutions and structures around us with an eternal permanence.

“Things whose existence is not morally comprehensible cannot exist,” Primo Levi, who survived the Auschwitz concentration camp, observed. 

I would return at night to Pristina in Kosovo after having been stopped by Kosovo Liberation Army (KLA) rebels a few miles outside the capital. But when I described my experiences to my Kosovar Albanian friends — highly educated and multilingual — they dismissed them. “Those are Serbs dressed up like rebels to justify Serb repression,” they answered. They did not grasp they were at war until Serb paramilitary forces rounded them up at gunpoint, herded them into boxcars and shipped them off to Macedonia.

Complex civilizations eventually destroy themselves. Joseph Tainter in “The Collapse of Complex Societies,” Charles L. Redman in “Human Impact on Ancient Environments,” Jared Diamond in “Collapse: How Societies Choose to Fail or Succeed” and Ronald Wright in “A Short History of Progress,” detail the familiar patterns that lead to catastrophic collapse. We are no different, although this time we will all go down together. The entire planet. Those in the Global South who are least responsible for the climate emergency, will suffer first. They are already fighting existential battles to survive. Our turn will come. We in the Global North may hold out for a bit longer, but only a bit. The billionaire class is preparing its escape. The worse it gets, the stronger will be our temptation to deny the reality facing us, to lash out at climate refugees, which is already happening in Europe and along our border with Mexico, as if they are the problem. 

Wright, who calls industrial society “a suicide machine,” writes: 

Civilization is an experiment, a very recent way of life in the human career, and it has a habit of walking into what I am calling progress traps. A small village on good land beside a river is a good idea; but when the village grows into a city and paves over the good land, it becomes a bad idea. While prevention might have been easy, a cure may be impossible: a city isn’t easily moved. This human inability to foresee — or to watch out for — long-range consequences may be inherent to our kind, shaped by the millions of years when we lived from hand to mouth by hunting and gathering. It may also be little more than a mix of inertia, greed, and foolishness encouraged by the shape of the social pyramid. The concentration of power at the top of large-scale societies gives the elite a vested interest in the status quo; they continue to prosper in darkening times long after the environment and general populace begin to suffer.

We will frantically construct climate fortresses, like the great walled cities at the end of the Bronze Age before its societal collapse, a collapse so severe that not only did these cities fall into ruin, but writing itself in many places disappeared. Maybe a few of our species will linger on for a while. Or maybe rats will take over the planet and evolve into some new life form. One thing is certain. The planet will survive. It has experienced mass extinctions before. This one is unique only because our species engineered it. Intelligent life is not so intelligent. Maybe this is why, with all those billions of planets, we have not discovered an evolved species. Maybe evolution has built within it its own death sentence.

I accept this intellectually. I don’t accept it emotionally any more than I accept my own death. Yes, I know our species is almost certainly doomed — but notice, I say almost. Yes, I know I am mortal. Most of my life has already been lived. But death is hard to digest until the final moments of existence, and even then, many cannot face it. We are composed of the rational and the irrational. In moments of extreme distress we embrace magical thinking. We become the easy prey of con-artists, cult leaders, charlatans and demagogues who tell us what we want to hear. 

Disintegrating societies are susceptible to crisis cults that promise a return to a golden age. The Christian Right has many of the characteristics of a crisis cult. Native Americans, ravaged by genocide, the slaughter of the buffalo herds, the theft of their land and incarcerated in prisoner-of-war camps, clung desperately to the Ghost Dance. The Ghost Dance promised to drive away the white invaders and resurrect the warriors and buffalo herds. Instead, followers were mowed down by the U.S. Army with Hotchkiss MI875 mountain guns.

We must do everything in our power to halt carbon emissions. We must face the truth that the ruling corporate elites in the industrialized world will never extract us from fossil fuels. Only if these corporatists are overthrown — as proposed by groups such as Extinction Rebellion — and radical and immediate measures are taken to end the consumption of fossil fuel, as well as curtail the animal agriculture industry, will we be able to mitigate some of the worst effects of ecocide. But I don’t see this as likely, especially given the sophisticated forms of control and surveillance the global oligarchs have at their disposal.

The awful truth is that even if we halt all carbon emissions today there is so much warming locked into the oceans deep muddy floor and the atmosphere, that feedback loops will ensure climate catastrophe. Summer Arctic sea ice, which reflects 90 percent of solar radiation that comes into contact with it, will disappear. The Earth’s surface will absorb more radiation. The greenhouse effect will be amplified. Global warming will accelerate, melting the Siberian permafrost and disintegrating the Greenland ice sheet. 

Melting ice in Greenland and Antarctica “has increased fivefold since the 1990s, and now accounts for a quarter of sea-level rise,” according to a recent report funded by NASA and the European Space Agency. Continued sea level rise, the rate of which has doubled over three decades according to the World Meteorological Organization, is inevitable. Tropical rainforests will burn. Boreal forests will move northward. These and other feedback loops are already built into the ecosystem. We cannot stop them. Climate chaos, including elevated temperatures, will last for centuries. 

The hardest existential crisis we face is to at once accept this bleak reality and resist. Resistance cannot be carried out because it will succeed, but because it is a moral imperative, especially for those of us who have children. We may fail, but if we do not fight against the forces that are orchestrating our mass extinction, we become part of the apparatus of death.

Stop, stop, stop believing America is great. It isn't.

[choicesmc]

okay i've been dying to know about fiona

12. Open the notes/note-taking app on their phone. What’s there?

15. Describe their computer. Is it a sticker covered laptop? A high-tech gaming computer?

16. Let’s look at their search history. What are the last 5 things they searched?

also how is his 'process' like? say he's looking up info for a case online, where is he usually inclined to start the discovery process? and how is his research process like? chaotic w/ 7 million tabs open? slow and steady - one tab at a time, collecting links in a docs or taking notes by hand' person?

ahhhh, glad you’ve taken an interest in him!! Fiona is very very pleased xD 

12. Open the notes/note-taking app on their phone. What’s there? 

First things first: there are so many of them. And none of them are blank, they have writing in them. There’s a couple of shopping lists/item orders he has jotted down but those are droplets compared to the amount of memos he has in them. 

The memos can be literally anything: Gigi’s new outfit is stellar, Beau wants to check out a new restaurant, Gabe’s wearing his best suit, he found some music Aislinn might like, a briefcase Martin would adore etc. 

It’s really an observation log of anything and everything Fiona notices. Sometimes he reminds himself to tell the other person whatever it is he’s noticed. Sometimes his observations live and die in his memos.  

On slow days at the office (so a blue moon day) he goes through and sorts all his notes into folders for easy access later! …He has so many folders. Enough that it defeats the point of sorting all his memos into folders. (but he doesn’t mind.)

15. Describe their computer. Is it a sticker covered laptop? A high-tech gaming computer? 

Beau picked up his laptop case, weighing it in hand, “It’s a really nice color.”  Fiona glanced over from his meal, the soft green never failing to put him in a better mood, “Yeah, it’s why I bought it.”  Cracking a smile, Beau chuckled, “Fair enough man. Who’re the makers?” Fiona leaned back, “Hah, wish I knew. Literally can’t find anything on it. It’s like it doesn’t exist anywhere but in my house.”  Beau fell silent for a couple seconds before speaking again, “What’s this flag?”  “Which one?”  “The green and white one. I know the others: the bi flag, the trans flag, pride, but I can’t place that one.” “The green-white-green one?”  “Yeah.” “The Nigerian flag?”

Fiona has two laptops 1) for work and 2) personal. His work laptop is clean and sleek. While he doesn’t decorate the laptop itself, he did switch out i’s case for a sweetgreen one (hex: A5D56E –it's really pleasing to look at!) and he hangs small knitted flags from it.  

His personal computer is an older model. He was close friends with one of the IT guys at the university Fiona used to work at who let him have it. Said they were planning to throw them out anyway. 

So his personal laptop has been with him since a little before quitting his job as a professor, going through law school, and his first couple years as an actual lawyer. 

Safe to say, it’s had better days. It’s covered in stickers, mostly from his teaching days (he doesn’t add more these days). And he mostly hooks it up to his tv anyways so he can watch downloaded movies on full screen 👍 

Fiona really doesn’t do much with his personal laptop. He already looks at laptops/computers so much at work that he is all laptop fatigued when he gets home. 

16. Let’s look at their search history. What are the last 5 things they searched?  

explaining gunshot wounds 

hibiscus flowering season 

ugh, food for bad moods 

name of 2nd circuit judge 

gifts for shameless men 

*based heavily off where he is in this series [don’t let this be the last time] 

If Fiona’s memos are observation logs. His search history is a damn diary. He’s got a process going on: 

have a thought -> search it up -> thought satisfied -> go back to serious stuff 

Though, he does this stuff on his personal phone. Even he’s not confident enough to search half the stuff he thinks up on a company issued device. 

also how is his 'process' like? say he's looking up info for a case online, where is he usually inclined to start the discovery process? and how is his research process like? chaotic w/ 7 million tabs open? slow and steady - one tab at a time, collecting links in a docs or taking notes by hand' person? 

Mads, can I just say I love your questions? Like they make me think and consider stuff I hadn’t considered yet. (and it’s also why it takes me forever to get back to you 😭)  

His method definitely falls into slow and steady territory. Everything done in order from top to bottom, do not disturb the order –it’ll distress him. 

Every case starts with one tab, a legal pad, and a nice, dark pen. He takes his first notes by hand just free-guessing potential ways to approach a case. It’s real messy with tons of things scratched out and asterisks and arrows pointing nowhere. Anything that might help gets placed down regardless of how possible or helpful it’d actually be. This is all just brainstorming. 

Then he goes back in red ink once he’s understood what he wants to do. Circling and starring the important stuff that he actually wants to keep/can make use of. It helps him double check his work along with making sure everything seems like a reasonable game. 

Finally he puts his ideas into a memo that he can share with whoever else he’s working with, if any. Even when he’s not working with someone, Fiona finds that memo writing helps him think through everything and ensure he’s not making any logical jumps.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Kimi Katiti

Published: Jul 3, 2024

The eruption of fireworks made me want to crawl out of my skin. I fully believed that the night of July 4, 2017 was a celebration of white supremacy, and I couldn't understand why anyone would participate in a festival of hatred. The power was also conveniently out in my apartment for the entirety of the evening, which made the jarring pyrotechnics all the more inescapable and amplified—as garish as a performance of sirens and headlights in my living room, unrepentant in their hours-long parade. Red, white and blue—over and over again. 

The people on the outside celebrated a country that was not only founded on slavery, but used the 13th amendment to preserve it. A country that also maintained the lynching of black men like Michael Brown and Philando Castile through the shield of law enforcement. And even though it elected its first black president, it slipped on the familiar when it elected Trump as its leader—a President who had no qualms with using xenophobic dog-whistles to rally his base. 

And these were just the visible warts on the face of the nation. What about the abscesses that oozed beneath its stripy, starred garb? The invisible system of racial discrimination and microaggressive harm? The walls built into every industry to keep the marginalized away from the American Dream? The emotional labor required by black women like myself to educate anyone on all the above? 

From my 2017 perspective, those who celebrated the 4th of July reveled in the murder of the innocent, and clapped in the defense of the assailant. Anyone who waved a flag, might as well brandish a whip. Anyone who took the day off to corral friends and family around a grill and under an umbrella of explosives or worse—under the presidency of Trump—might have as well donned a swastika pin and raised an arm into the sparkly skyline. 

This was my lens for a good number of years, and one that I look back on with grief. Why did I let a holiday wreck me so well? In hindsight, I have a few theories as to why, and it boils down to a worldview I unintentionally adopted—one that only lent to the fragility of the observer.

For the race-essentialist, the 4th of July is a semiotic nightmare. Oftentimes, interpersonal gestures and words take the spotlight when discussing microaggressions, but in the emoji-age, we ought to consider the role symbolism plays in drilling in groupthink, deteriorating meaning and expanding the modern idea of harm. What made the celebration of American independence an abyss of grief for me was the meaning I placed on every sign that marked the day.   

Swiss linguist Ferdinand de Saussure defined a sign as any motion, gesture, event, or pattern that conveys meaning. The green light at a traffic stop means 'go', and blue on a faucet indicates 'cold' water. Meaning has been given to these shapes to form signs, and through repetitive use and education of the meaning behind the signs, we can add it to our symbolic lexicon. 

After two-dozen revisions, our current Star-Spangled Banner is meant to represent the nation of the United States of America. But how did it go from a mere symbol of a nation, to a symbol conveying conspired hate—at least in the minds of a radicalized few, my former self included?

I'd suggest it has something to do with concept creep—a term Jacob L. Mackey referred to during a previous conversation I had with him on microaggressions. Concept creep, coined by Nick Haslam, and popularized by The Coddling of the American Mind, refers to the ever-expanding meaning of harm-related language, such as trauma, or even the word 'harm' itself. In my case, harm came to include the symbol of the American flag. And in a reciprocal sense, the flag didn't just represent a nation, the concept behind it crept to represent a bad nation. Sure, one can look at a flag and think critically about the flaws of its country's government or systems. In my case, however, I felt like I was under attack at the sight of it. So what energized that progression of meaning—what taught me to reinterpret the meaning behind a symbol to the point of physical distress?

I'd like to nominate the mainstream media narrative for that progression of definition. Everything from social media to sports told me exactly what kind of meaning I should ascribe to the American flag, and its companions. One of fear, not fondness.

With the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, followed by the catastrophe-confirming appointment of Trump, the media streets in the mid twenty-tens were saturated with posts on police brutality, the national anthem and white America. This came with a flood of symbols to aid the viewers' dissection of events. Images of symbols such as the MAGA hat, The Thin Blue Line flag, the Trump posters, and The BLM fist—to name a few—often accompanied stories detailing the brewing cultural tension. 

Law Enforcement and the Thin Blue Line flag existed in opposition to the BLM movement. So if one was only familiar with the pro-BLM argument, and was as disheartened with grief as I was to hear any opposing cases, the meaning assigned to the Thin Blue Line flag no longer communicated the courage and bravery of law enforcement, but rather that the bearer of that symbol sided with police officers who murder innocent, unarmed black men. 

If you supported athletes' choice to stand during the singing of the national anthem, rather than kneeling in protest, in over-simplified reasoning, you supported the killing of black men. The further this meaning-to-symbol relationship was exacerbated through fear-mongering media—especially social media, where news travels best when laced with negativity—the further the meaning ascribed to certain symbols waxed sour.

Therefore, the progression of meaning in my mind, energized by the media, devolved this way: 

Wearing or waving the American flag is associated with patriotism. 

If you're patriotic, you're most likely a conservative. 

Only conservatives oppose BLM. 

Opposing BLM means that you support the killing of black people. 

Therefore, waving the American flag means you support the killing of black people.  

We also see this same re-education of benign signs into something indicative of harm in the recent lawsuit filed against Penn State at Abington, where the boss of plaintiff Zack K. DePiero, Liliana Naydan, allegedly told writing faculty that “white supremacy exists in language itself, and therefore, that the English language itself is ‘racist’ and, furthermore, that white supremacy exists in the teaching of writing of English, and therefore writing teachers are themselves racist white supremacists…”

Now imagine that it's not just the American flag that warrants this ungracious interpretation of meaning, but other icons of American culture: an eagle, American football, a pair of cowboy boots. For those steeped in critical social justice ideology, interfacing with these objects (and I'll speak for my former self) is aggravating on an average day. But seeing these concept-crept-visual-ideas all in one weekend, over and over again, paired with loud explosives and laughter, distorts the character of loved ones opting to celebrate the 4th of July, and as a black individual, lends to a sense of distrust because once more, bearing the American flag with pride means you support the killing of black people—with pride.

All of this—the concept creep, the concentration of offensive symbolism, the narrative—contributed to a sense of catastrophization on the 4th. Catastrophization is a cognitive distortion that leads you to assume the worst case scenario out of a relatively generic circumstance. In my case, I was brought to tears under a burden of anxiety because I allowed my brain to interpret every sign of America, including a date dedicated to the celebration of its independence, as something just left of a lynch mob dancing on my lawn.

What Changed My Mind

If you aren't familiar with how I broke the grip of cultish indoctrination as a whole, forgiveness played a key role in setting me free. But my attitude shift towards the 4th of July began amid the insanity of 2020. 

I was hit with the sting of cognitive dissonance after COVID-minded public health officials failed to call George Floyd protesters back indoors. The protesters were instead given the green light to do what we had been warned against repeatedly out of love for others. I couldn't quite tell—did these people who declared support for BLM, actually care about black lives?   

They allowed good people to go outside and do the thing we had been warned would kill us all. That transcends inconsiderate. The people that were supposed to be the 'good guys' were no better than Derek Chauvin. And that forced me to think more critically about who the 'good guys' were, and what exactly caring for the marginalized really looks like.

I started to question what was in it for them to maintain such dangerously contradictory positions. Somehow, somewhere, someone was lying. But why lie? Why distort the compassion of well-meaning individuals? This line of questioning led me to the obvious-–money and power.

Around this time, I turned to a refreshing pair of news anchors, Krystal Ball and Saagar Enjeti, who at the time had a segment on The Hill's YouTube channel called Rising, and I was impressed by their similarly aligned remarks concerning the contradiction of stay-at-home orders—especially since Krystal and Saagar's observations were from both the right and left—and felt some peace and validation in questioning the powers that be. 

I questioned the fear that fueled media, and the censorship machine that went to work to squash varied opinions on COVID and quarantine measures. I questioned the power that tech corporations had to minimize voices at will. I questioned every one from Don Lemon to Patrisse Cullors, to the celebrity cohort that marched in lockstep with the 'right' idea. I had always questioned Donald Trump, but I allowed myself to question Joe Biden—why was a white old guy all of a sudden the arbiter of blackness? 

I questioned so much that I began to question questions—specifically why people were paying dearly for merely voicing them? That led me to revisit a little American idea called Free Speech—once a textual sign for intolerant rednecks, and now, my last hope towards freedom from a form of slavery that I had no idea was slowly choking out my mental health.  

I realized that it was this freedom to think, to express new paths of reasoning, to outwardly question those in authority, to protest injustice, or to express oneself uniquely, that many Americans remembered and honored when they beheld the symbol of the flag.  

Over many months, I meditated on the reality that the United States is ultimately structured to protect the smallest minority—the individual. There is something to be said about how even the collective identity of blackness turns on its own once certain questions threaten sacred cows like the Black Lives Matter movement or the status of oppression. Anywhere that groupthink can be formed, totalitarianism has a chance to consume the participants of said group. 

Being told what to think by conforming to group ideals made me a slave to fear, and allowing myself to reorganize how I thought set me—the individual—free. Learning how to think has afforded me the freedom to reinterpret symbols with more grace. It's also placed the control to assign meaning to symbols, signs, gestures and words back into my own hands. I don't need to depend on cash-hungry newscasters to tell me who to love or hate. And I won't leave it to billion-dollar corporations to manipulate me into surrendering my ability to reason—they won't get me to roll-over on command. This freedom to question popular ideas, re-evaluate their truth and efficacy, and communicate my findings without jail time—as I am doing now—is partly why those annoying fireworks pop-off as fiercely as they do. 

For those who have grown up here in the United States in struggle, I'm not diminishing your experience by declaring my old beliefs completely moot. The economic disparity grieves me. The American Dream slowly fading away from my generation and the one to come, frightens me. Wrongful sentencing in this country's brutal penal system breaks my heart. The glaring disparities that rip through various demographic lines infuriate me. No, rather, my new position is founded on the reality that without American ideals—voting rights, freedom of speech, checks and balances—those issues will be so much harder to address, let alone fix. (Trust me, I'm ethnically Ugandan) 

While the United States has a lot to work on, given its checkered past, maintaining the freedom to progress towards a better future, or preserve what has worked for us in the past, is worth celebrating. This year I celebrate freedom from the lens that was my own imprisonment.

[2shebears]

Intro/Pinned 💞

hi jumblr, I'm ray/רחל and this is my sideblog for jewish stuff! I follow from my main blog with the initials f-a-c. on this blog i want to talk about things like tzniut and gender roles, israel/palestine, indigeneity, antisemitism, xtian hegemony, community, and observance! so you know, all the jewish things.

=about me=

🇹🇼🇺🇸

27/cis/pan/she/her/hers

i speak english & français, have studied latin, italian, and ancient greek, have tiny household amounts of mandarin, and am learning modern hebrew

married!!!

(almost) intellectual property attorney, aiming to become a cultural property attorney for indigenous peoples! i've participated in UN talks about indigenous rights ✨

wish me luck on the bar exam

based in NYC

reblogs with "read later" tags are NOT endorsements lol i have not read them yet

=faq=

what's your jewish frame of reference? nominally aligned with open/modern orthodoxy (YCT beis din) but really post-denominational. my husband has an askhi dad and a mizrachi mom so we follow a mix of minhagim leaning heavily ashki. my observance is personal and evolving, but rn I cover my hair sometimes (always at shul & on holidays), host kosher-style, and attend a non-affiliated conservative-ish shul. I light candles and unplug on shabbat & chagim, and categorically will not do legal work, but I don't abstain from most muskeh. I'm an artist so being able to create on my holiest days is really special, sorry hashem. strongly dislike taharas hamispacha but am compliant on a technicality. I have multiple tattoos and multiple piercings (not just classic lobes). I spell out God but might evolve on this one. actually might evolve on basically all of these. I am a jewish work in progress!

what's your israel frame of reference? husband's family is largely in israel, incl olim, sabras, mena refugees. my in-laws live in jerusalem. i have both israeli and palestinian friends and coworkers. I got bit really hard by a cat in tel aviv once and had to get a rabies vax course and every doctor at the israeli health ministry made fun of me for getting bit (fair)

are you a zionist? no in the sense that i'm in favor of palestinian statehood and self-determination; yes in the sense that I don't think the state of israel and its denizens should be wiped off the face of the earth as a prerequisite for the peace process; yes in the sense that I think israel is an actual state (one that is actively doing war crimes!) and I don't think it needs to be held to unique standards; no in the sense that i would generally be okay with a peace process that completely restructures or essentially ends the current state so long as it does not extinguish jewish self-determination in the region; yes in the sense that i am a jew who will argue with you ;)

you're into Indigenous rights, so how does that bear on i/p? i i literally have so much to say about this that I wrote my law schol capstone on it. Indigeneity is an extremely capacious and fuzzy designation. It doesn't solve land or statehood issues. both israeli jews and palestinian arabs tick MANY of the boxes of being Indigenous but don't map perfectly onto the anglo-settler states and their indigenous peoples, and that is okay and interesting and cool to talk about. finally the things happening now would be horrifying whether or not any party is Indigenous. i'll use the tag #i/p indigeneity on this going fwd!

you posted something wrong about (insert thing here). ok not a question but please tell me if I do. I try to be a diligent fact checker but some things on social media are developing and unstable stories. I welcome fact checks always.

[bridgertonbabe]

Do Benedict and Eloise ever find out about Sophie & Phillip’s wedding pact? At Collin’s 40th birthday party, does Michael turn up in a tuxedo with an officiant in tow, which Penelope and Fran find hilarious?

At Sophie and Phillip's 30th they joke how if they hadn't gotten together with their respective partners that they would have had to go through with their pact - a pact which both Benedict and Eloise are only hearing about for the first time. They're surprised that their partners ever felt the need to have a hypothetical pact in place, thinking it ridiculous that Sophie and Phillip thought it likely that they'd probably be alone without somebody to love by the time they turned thirty. Sophie tells Ben that the pact had been loosely agreed on because of her fourteen year old self being jealous of his then relationship with his ex and she wanted some sort of back-up should she have to sit back and watch him live a wondrously happy life with Tessa. Benedict finds Sophie's jealousy from sixteen years ago hilariously adorable but assures her that he wouldn't have been able to have a wondrously happy life married to anyone else but her. Meanwhile when Eloise asks Phillip why he thought he'd be single at thirty her husband points out that he's never been the most outgoing of people, especially in stark contrast to Colin and Michael, and that he never thought he'd have the guts to pursue someone he actually liked. And on top of that he assumed anyone who might be interested in him would find him boring due to his infinite love of herbology, which is why the thought of having Sophie as a safety net for a marriage based purely in companionship appealed to him. Thankfully he tells his wife that he counts his lucky stars everyday that fate had provided him with marriage to the most perfect woman who he couldn't imagine life without.

And as for Colin and Michael, of course Michael wouldn't be able to resist pulling such a joke on his best friend. When Colin and Penelope and their family arrived at Aubrey Hollow for his birthday celebrations they were met by the entire family dressed in formal attire and then Michael stepped forward decked in the same suit he wore at his own wedding.

"Ah, my beloved, here you are at last!" Michael greeted and kissed Colin on the cheek.

"What the fu-?"

"Come along now. We can't leave the officiant waiting all day." Michael insisted, tugging Colin to link his arm with his.

"What are you talking about?!"

"Remember? The pact? When I agreed to take you on if you were still single by your fortieth?"

"Are you serious?" Colin squawked. "But I'm not single! I'm very happily married!"

"Ooph. I'm sorry, is this the way you're finding out Pen filed for divorce?" Michael grimaced at him but sent a cheeky wink over his shoulder where Penelope was poorly stifling her giggles.

"Oh ha-ha." Colin deadpanned. "Great bit and all, Mike, but I'm not marrying you."

"Daddy?" he looked down to where his young daughter was bouncing eagerly on the balls of her feet and looking up to him with hope-filled eyes. "If you're not marrying Uncle Michael, can I marry him please?"

Colin stared at his daughter and then turned furiously to Michael, who wore a shit-eating grin on his face.

"Why Janey, I'd be honoured,"

"Nope!" Colin butted in. "Absolutely not! Don't you dare!"

"Well come on now, Col. Be reasonable. There has to be some sort of nuptials, otherwise I confunded Simon to be the officiant for nothing."

Colin looked over to where the wedding arch was set up and observed his brother-in-law in a strange dopey state, as if waiting to be properly activated.

"Not to mention all the kids were looking forward to watching the make-believe wedding between Uncle Colin and their favourite Uncle Michael." Michael grinned.

Colin narrowed his eyes at him but when he surveyed his surrounding nieces and nephews he couldn't help but notice that they were all in fact looking to him with bubbling excitement, clearly having been promised a silly little playout of their uncle marrying another uncle on his birthday. So, never one to let people down entertainment-wise, Colin heaved out a sigh and turned back to Michael.

"Fine." he huffed out. "Let's get this over and done with, you idiot."

A collective cheer went around the garden before Colin reluctantly allowed himself to be marched down the aisle by Michael. After Michael read out his anecdotal vows much to the amusement of everyone watching, Simon announced they were married and Michael grabbed a hold of Colin's face and gave him a big fat kiss.

"Do you know what the funny thing is?" Michael said to Sophie and Phillip later on. "I actually got Simon ordained for real."

Sophie and Phillip very slowly twisted their heads to stare at him, blinking pointedly as they processed what Michael was inferring.

"Wait a minute; you're not technically married to Colin, are you?" Sophie frowned.

"Yes, there might perhaps be a chance Colin and I are legally married in the state of Hawaii." Michael smirked deviously.

"Merlin's beard, Michael." Phillip face-palmed.

"Oh relax. It's not legally binding unless we go to Hawaii and consummate the marriage."

[thelistingteammiami]

5 Questions Your Real Estate Agent Cannot Answer, and Why

Buying a home, especially if it's your first one, is a truly remarkable feat. You’ve probably got a thousand things to consider and a million questions in mind. Where am I gonna live? What type of house should I buy? Which neighborhood is the best for my lifestyle? How much should I put as a down payment? How much mortgage can I afford? And the list goes on and on. 

This is why it's best to hire a trusted and knowledgeable real estate agent to help you in your house-hunting journey. Expect them to be your go-to person for almost all the advice you’ll need regarding the complicated, and often stressful, homebuying process. 

And yet, if you ask them certain questions, you might be puzzled to find them feeling tongue-tied. Be aware that there are some queries that your realtor couldn’t answer legally. This is because some things are off-limits under the Fair Housing Act (FHA), a federal law enacted in 1968 that prohibits discrimination in the purchase, sale, rental, or financing of housing based on race, religion, sex, skin, color, nationality, or family/economic status.

Real estate agents may be accused of “steering” clients to specific neighborhoods when they answer certain questions or even give out selective information. While these inquiries may be asked innocently or out of curiosity (maybe in the hopes of getting an inside scoop), housing professionals who respond to them can face fines, consequences, and other penalties in court. Here are a couple of such questions—and what you can do to find the answers yourself.

Don't be surprised if your trusted real estate agent refrains from answering any questions related to the family status of an area. And no matter how much you ask, your agent wouldn’t find you a neighborhood based on any particular family makeup. 

Families are a protected class under the FHA. So for agents, answering any inquiries about them can be risky, even if a buyer’s asking out of curiosity. This may include questions such as, “Do families with children live in this area?”, “Is this a good place to raise kids?”, or “Is this a good place for me as a single?” and other similar ones. If an agent says a certain neighborhood is not all that family-friendly, it could imply that families with children aren’t welcome. Similarly, saying that an area is a good place for kids could make buyers without children feel uncomfortable, which can be treated as a form of discrimination.

As a home buyer, it’s best to do your research by visiting the neighborhood at different times of the day to observe the comings and goings of most residents and make your own judgment. If you have a family or are planning to start one in the near future, it’s also best to look into nearby playgrounds, recreational centers, and other things that you may enjoy. 

Are you looking to live in a melting pot? Or maybe you want to live near others who have a similar background (e.g. Italian/Spanish/Chinese/Asian) as you? You may be able to ask a friend or anyone living in the neighborhood about the specific nationalities and races that mostly make up a community, but not a real estate agent. Similar to the family-related question, such discussions can come uncomfortably close to “redlining”, which is a form of discrimination in which buyers are steered toward or away from neighborhoods based on the color of their skin. 

Instead, a good and cautious agent will tell you to do some legwork by looking at the U.S. Census and other government data to get information about the demographics of a community. They will also urge you to invest some time in the neighborhood and make an assessment of your own. After doing your research, you can then direct your agent to show you homes in a specific geographic location.

Requesting your realtor to find you a “mostly Catholic neighborhood” or a “Mormon neighborhood” because you are one is also impossible because sharing any information concerning religion could also put them in hot water. If you want to know the religious makeup of a community or it's a concern to you, your realtor can provide you with a complete list of nearby places of worship. You can also do your own research to find out the places of worship around the area, which you can then visit to get a feel of the community.

Agents must always remember that real estate is color-blind and neutral. Whether it be about faith, lifestyle, race, ethnicity, or language, a realtor cannot influence this part of the potential buyer’s decision-making process without running afoul of fair housing laws.

The word “safe” is highly subjective. Besides, there's no guarantee that there won’t be any crime tomorrow, next month, or anytime in the future in what is considered a “safe” neighborhood. Everyone’s tolerance for crime is also different, so an agent cannot determine what will make someone feel safe and protected, or unsafe and uncomfortable. 

Crime statistics can also be interpreted as references to race or ethnicity, which is why prudent realtors will choose their words wisely and direct buyers to reach their own conclusions. Fortunately, crime statistics are a public record and you can certainly look into them on your own. You may visit the nearest local police precinct and check its website, or search online for recent crime reports and any other information related to the safety of the area.

Another question where your agent will keep their lips zipped? Anything regarding a certain school or district, as well as the quality of schools in the area. The racial divide can also run deep in U.S. schools, which is why a realtor has to be very careful. Because similar to the word “safe”, talking about “good” schools can be rightly or wrongly construed as discrimination. 

As a buyer, you may have a different concept of what a “good” school is. Do you care more about test scores? Maybe the sports team rankings are important to you? If you want to know more about the schools in the area, your trusted realtor can help you by introducing you to one of many websites that rank schools, such as GreatSchools.org. They may also refer you to school information websites to help with your research. Spend some time perusing their newspapers or reading about the schools in local publications. You may also talk to local teachers and administrators. Best of all, tour the school and see for yourself whether a school is good and appropriate for your children's education.

Bottom line

As a home buyer, you should know what questions you can expect to not have answered even by your experienced real estate agent, especially when it comes to things that have nothing to do with the house itself. Understand that it's a good thing when they give you an awkward silence as a response. This also means it’s an opportunity for you to research, explore, and make your assessments before getting your dream home. 

[automatismoateo]

Tiptoeing around people's religious rules is so frustrating via /r/atheism

Tiptoeing around people's religious rules is so frustrating

Warning: rant ahead.

I know religion is a protected characteristic for discrimination under law, because people have been persecuted for their religion. And personally I'd never actually try to disrespect anyone's religion, it sucks that religion is included under the umbrella of characteristic like race, gender, sexuality in terms of having to respect it. Even if there are social aspects to those traits and they're not entirely biological or can be explained, you can at least acknowledge its existence and fundamental role in how our society functions.

So this was brought on by how I share a flat with my friends, who are majority Muslim. They're pretty relaxed but the one thing that annoyed me today. I had no room left in my freezer draw (and we are permitted one and a half draws each) so I put some sausages in an empty-ish draw. Today, someone texts and puts it in the group chat and says 'can you not put pork in my drawer? i've taken it out the freezer.' with a photo.

And while yes I should respect their religion, I just felt like it was so ridiculous. You can't have a certain type of meat in your freezer draw because some unknown entity said it's banned? Ignoring the fact it's kind of a dick move to take my food out the freezer and leave it out anyway, it's so crazy that I have no choice but to respect this, lest I get called a bigot. I'm not sure all Muslims would mind me putting pork in their drawer but the same applies to the fridge shelves too, no pork on 'their shelf'.

Can you imagine explaining this to aliens?

This also ties into how I've been opening my eyes to how Islam is inherently a horrible religion that is worse than Christianity honestly, but it's OK to attack Christians because they are thought of as a predominantly white, privileged population, whereas Muslims have been subject to hate. And of course, that shouldn't happen, but it means even valid criticism and any discussion on Islam is just going to get called hate.

But honestly, it's like why do I have to respect this? Why do I have to observe your religious rules? Like going into a religious place and having to cover your body as a sign of respect. To who? God? I don't give a fuck about him. Why should I have to do that? At least respecting cultural norms isn't based on an imaginary set of rules.

And from the other angle, people making their own lives so needlessly complicated just because of their religion? Restricting yourself from certain foods, activities, ways of dressing, how to pursue a relationship etc. just because some God (who you can't even prove exists) told you so. It's literally brainwashing and indoctrination. Especially Islam, it's so family oriented and passed down, you have no choice but to obey, because anyone who doesn't want to be Muslim is literally disowned and kicked out.

Submitted February 05, 2023 at 02:32AM by Extension_Size8422 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/dVU4AhX)

[bluemoonfantasiesiii]

When the group left the house the lady saw them off and Lily ran to her father's side waving bye to her new friends "fluffy friend~" she whispered to he father in secret about gorou who patted her head "don't forget to be respectful" he told her and she giggled "I won't call him that~, just between us~" she admitted as they met the new person.

Vincent had already heard of him but never thought he would meet him he greeted the man normally with his gentle smile as he walked along side the group heading to the waterfalls.

Lily walked beside Rubedo and held his hand as she hummed a song with smile of joy looking all over to take in the lively scenery "Angel, it looks so much like a story book~, right~?" She asked her friend still looking around swaying their joined hand slightly back and forth.

“It does!” Rubedo said. “So many pretty colors!”

“Ah, I don’t believe I got any of your names,” Heizou said as they reached the edge of a pool.

“I’m Rubedo, an alchemically created shapeshifter. That’s my Papa, Nigredo, this is my friend Lily, and that’s her papa, Mr. Vincent~!”

“A pair of alchemist brothers,” Heizou mused. “How intriguing~”

“Our research topics are totally opposite, though,” Nigredo said. “Albedo’s focus is on creating new life, while mine is on restoring life that was lost.” His hand unconsciously went to rest on the sword at his hip. “We…had a third, older brother who was unfairly slain in battle. I’m trying to find a way to bring him back. I can revive plants and small animals, but I’m not yet at the point where I can bring back a person…”

Heizou eyed Festering Desire for a moment before his eyes set hard on the gardener’s face. “Isn’t that dangerously close to playing god?” he asked. “Deciding who gets to come back and who has to stay dead? I’m sure we all have people we want to bring back—”

“What happened to him wasn’t right!” the Erdeprinz shouted, startling both detectives. “I know I’m not the only one here who’s lost someone, but you don’t understand how it happened to my older brother! It wasn’t an occupational hazard or a noble sacrifice! Our birth mother… She didn’t just send him to his death. She spent years destroying his mind before she did it. By the time he… I didn’t even recognize him… He didn’t even feel like a person anymore… He died a beast, unaware of anything around him! I didn’t even get to say goodbye…”

Rubedo let go of Lily’s hand to hug his father from behind. Nigredo winced when he felt that familiar sting in his hand, trying to creep up his arm until it was stopped at his wrist by Vincent’s mark.

“Brother, you’re going to trigger your condition at this rate,” said Albedo, placing a hand on the other’s shoulder

“Condition…?” asked Heizou.

“…I have chronic pain and fatigue. Stress can make it flare up, but I have it under control right now.”

“I see. Sorry for bringing up bad memories…”

“I could bring him back, too, once I crack the code.”

“H-huh?”

“You have an Anemo Vision. Based on my observation of what kind of people receive Anemo Visions, it’s likely that you’ve witnessed the loss of someone close to you.”

“Hey, now, I’m supposed to be the detective,” Heizou jested. “But excellent deduction skills. You’re not wrong. I did fail to save an old friend’s life shortly before I received my Vision. However… Even if the chance to bring him back to life does one day arise… I feel like that would be meddling too much in the laws of nature. As much as I would love to banter with him again, and as unfair and untimely as his death was… Everything happens for a reason, right? Sometimes that reason is beyond our mortal comprehension, and what right do we have to question the gods?”

“Ah, there’s that Tenryou Commission mindset,” Nigredo said. “While I disagree with your sentiment, I’ll respect your decision.”

“I guess that’s the best I’m gonna get then. Anyway! Onward to your research!”

[orieriee]

Get to Know Trafalgar Law! A Character Analysis ✮

Masterlist here

Author's note: disclaimer, this is my own interpretation based on what I've seen and some information I gathered from blogs here and there on the internet. I've wanted to do this for so long because I like to make and read fictions about certain characters but sometimes it can get too OOC (which is not my preference) so I'm making this to help me understand about the character more and write more accurate fics! Starting off with Trafalgar Law from one piece. Also english isn't my first language so forgive me if I worded it badly :'

I might do more when I'm free so let me know which character(s) to do. I'm planning on Ace's 😋

warnings! do not repost anywhere, sl4very mentioned, some minor spoilers

Please read the disclaimer beforehand, I don't want people to misunderstand :'') and before that, I've seen people interpreting him as a dark character, neutral character, a tsundere, a cold character, a cocky d0m, a mean d0m, even a sub etc. Now I don't blame people for making him have those "stereotypes" because it's a fic, it's up to their interpretation and it's fun. But I wanna dig a little deeper on his CANON characteristics.

Overall Personality based on data

Based on personality database, he's an INTJ. But some blogs claim that he's ISTJ. For those who don't know, those are Myers-Briggs type personalities. Whether he's INTJ or ISTJ, it's ok because sometimes someone's traits can be pretty uncertain. Take a quiz at sakinorva and you'll know! For example, mine's INFP but the P is very faded because I can be INFJ or INFP.

☆ INTJ - Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging.

INTJs are very complex and I agree that Law is a complex character. Based on what I read, INTJs are rational and quick-witted. INTJs minds are never at rest and they are thirsty for knowledge and they aren't afraid to break the rules to make discoveries. Some may even call them nerds or bookworms (in which we know that Law is a huge nerd for germa) and they prioritize success and rationality rather than politeness and popularity.

They are blunt or to the point when it comes to social interaction. Not to mention, they often have a sarcastic sense of humor. Which I admit, those points are very Law and you can see evidence of these traits throughout one piece.

☆ ISTJ - Introverted, Observant, Thinking, Judging.

Reserved yet willful. When they commit to something, they make sure to follow through. Which is a very Law thing to do. Basically a logistician. They have the ability to stay grounded and logical even in the most stressful situations. People with this personality type believe that there is a right way to proceed in any situation, make plans.

They strive to meet their goals and obligations so they tend to have strong work ethics, and take responsibility for their actions and choices. ISTJs also have a deep respect for structure and tradition, and they are often drawn to organizations, workplaces, and educational settings that offer clear hierarchies and expectations.

In conclusion? Whether he's INTJ or ISTJ, both are valid. The only difference is that INTJ uses intuition and ISTJ uses logic. Which I can see both in Law on how he handles things - both with logic and intuition.

Law is rational and quick-witted even when things don't go his way, if you watch stampede, you'll know how quick he came up with improvisation or coming up with a new better approach when things don't go his way. Well, he always does. And how ISTJs have a deep respect for structure and tradition and are drawn to settings that offer hierarchies and expectations? We can see how Law respects the Hippocratic Oath as a doctor, which is an oath that emphasizes the importance of ethical and professional standards in medicine.

He avoid unnecessary murder and save lives like Luffy's even though he wasn't a friend of Luffy back then. We also know that he aims his goal towards taking down the four emperors, which is a moment of "you want to take on the emperors of the sea?!!" for me. Even applying to be a warlord before that just for his evil little plan.

About Him

Ok, enough learning from the data, let's talk more about Law that we can see from One Piece. I made a timeline analysis on Law's character development but it was too long so I'm just going to summarize it.

Tbh we really don't know what this man is thinking. He's kinda a tough character to read. He's very cocky and laid-back from pre-timeskip but then we have our all serious, kinda stressed out Law. But that's due to the straw hats' influence too so we aren't going to talk about that sadly😞.

☆ Well in summary, I might say that he's a man who plans ahead, a strategist I would say. A man who sees opportunities but also self-preserved. He's also calculative and takes what benefits him more. He can be blunt but he only speaks what's on his mind. But tbh we really don't know what this man is thinking.

After Sabaody, we get to see him during the marineford arc where he saves Luffy's life. And his reason for saving Luffy when he wasn't a "friend" of his (yet) was because he "acted instinctively" and that "it was a shame" if his rival dies there. Honestly I don't know what this man's real motive was. It could be his future investment or his way of networking. I mean look at them now, they're thriving as pals. He even goes out his way to "protect" the strawhats from Doflamingo during the dressrosa arc.

Overall, I think he's genuinely a good man. I mean that guy is WEAK for cute things (like Bepo). He took in those who don't have a place to go. Like Jean. Jean was a slave to the celestial dragon as we can see during the Sabaody arc. Law took him into his crew because Jean didn't have another place to go.

He may have a scary reputation, but he builds those up to protect his crew away from danger. He has a submarine because he wants to avoid unnecessary fights and danger away from his crew. He doesn't involve his crews on dangerous missions, he even sacrifices himself so just his crew can be free (Wano arc). I can't emphasize enough on how he SO protects his crew.

He don't like the idea of unnecessary murder. In fact, when he uses his power, he cuts at non-fatal places. I might be biased but a man with broad knowledge is my kink. And he's a doctor so he's very knowledgeable about stuff. He got some big brains if those "3 AM" thoughts are keeping him from sleeping, like we can see the dark eyebags Law🙄 go to sleep for once. He might be restless too.

What I Recommend - A Headcanon

Now here's the talk where I think how Law would be in a non-canon setting but is not OOC of him. I saw a lot of fics about him and tbh it's kinda my pet peeve that he's OOC :/ from how his character actually is.

Romantic tropes that I can see him in are slow burn, enemies to lovers, and liked each other but never made a move. But truthfully speaking, his character isn't one that thinks about having a romance. I don't see him "being in a romantic relationship".

If he does fall in love, I don't think he's the type to admit it out loud either. He would just show more of like a platonic love where he cares about your well-being just like how he cares about his crews'. You = the crews. More like a family love, not as a partner of interest. But it might be more complex than that and it's already a headcanon.

But talking about the headcanons where he is in a relationship, I can see him being the chill one (not especially laid-back but the calm, more mature one). Especially in a modern setting, one trope that I think suits him best is the smart cool boyfriend with glasses, books, and coffee and wears a dark brown coat or a jacket/hoodie. He can be flirty but only when it's necessary, not the fboy type of flirt and it is the right amount.

Talking about a type, that's up to your interpretation but one thing to keep in mind is that I think Law definitely finds smartness sexy 😉 *wink wink*

Yeah, basically that's all I can brain for Law. I might be biased but do let me know more in reblogs, comments, or ask box about your opinion because I would like to hear about Law more ☝️😩 Law's appreciation post <3

[bailey-writes]

So You Want Your OC to be Jewish

So you’re writing a story and you want to make a Jewish character—great! I’m here to help. I always want more Jewish representation but I want good Jewish representation, so this is my attempt to make a guide to making a Jewish character. What are my credentials? I’m Jewish and have been my whole life. Obligatory disclaimer that this is by no means comprehensive, I don’t know everything, all Jews are different, and this is based on my experiences as an American Jew so I have no idea, what, if any, of this applies to non-American Jews. 

If there’s anything you want me to make a post going more into detail about or if there’s anything I didn’t mention but you want to know please ask me! I hope this is helpful :) Warning, this is long.

Jew PSA

If you are Jewish you can use the word Jew(s), e.g. “She’s dating a Jew.” If you are not Jewish you cannot use the word Jew(s). This is not up for debate. Non-Jews calling us Jews has a negative connotation at best. Don’t do it and don’t have your characters do it.

Basics, Plus My Random Thoughts that Didn’t Fit Anywhere Else

A confusing enduring issue is, what is Judaism? It’s a religion, but some Jews aren’t religious; is it a race? A nationality? A culture? A heritage? The only constant is that we are seen as “other.” There’s a lot of debate, which makes it confusing to be Jewish and as such it’s common for Jews to struggle with their Jewish Identity. However many people agree that Jews are an ethnoreligious group, aka Judaism is a religion and an ethnicity.

Temple/Synagogue/Shul = Jewish place of worship. Shul is usually used for Orthodox synagogues.

Keeping kosher = following Jewish dietary rules: meat and dairy can’t be eaten together and you can’t eat pork or shellfish. Fish and eggs are pareve (aka neutral) and can be eaten with meat or dairy (but again not both at the same time.) When eating meat it has to be kosher meat (e.g. kosher Jews are allowed to eat chicken, but not all chicken is kosher. I know it’s kinda confusing I’m sorry.) Kosher products in stores will have symbols on them to identify them as kosher. If someone is kosher they’ll probably have separate sets of utensils/plates/cookware/etc. for meat and dairy

Shabbat/Shabbos/Sabbath = holy day of the week, day of rest, lasts from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. Depending on observance Jews might have Shabbat dinner, attend Shabbat services, or observe the day of rest in its entirety (making them shomer Shabbat)

Someone who is shomer Shabbat will refrain from any of the prohibited activities. These can easily be looked up but include: working, writing, handling money, cooking, and using technology.

Bat/Bar/B’nai Mitvzah = tradition where a Jewish boy/girl becomes a man/woman. Celebrated at 13-years-old for boys, 12- or 13-years-old for girls. Girls have Bat Mitzvahs (bat means daughter in Hebrew), boys have Bar Mitzvahs (bar means son in Hebrew) and twins or two or more people having one together have a B’nai Mitzvah. They will study for this for months and then help lead services and, depending on observance level, read from the Torah. The ceremony is often attended by family and friends and followed with a celebration of sorts (in America usually this means a brunch and/or party.)

Goy/gentile = non-Jew. These words are not slurs, they are literally just words. Plural of goy is goyim and is a Yiddish word, plural of gentile is gentiles.

Jewish holidays follow the Hebrew calendar, meaning that according to the current solar/Gregorian calendar the dates of our holidays are different each year.

Jewish law recognizes matrilineal inheritance. This means that Jewish law states your mother has to be Jewish for you to be Jewish. This is because of reasons from biblical times that I can explain if you wanna come ask, but as you can imagine is a bit outdated. While Orthodox Jews might embrace this idea and only consider someone Jewish if their mom is Jewish, many Jews are more flexible on the idea (and yes, this does cause tension between Orthodox Jews and other Jews at times.)

Judaism =/= Christianity

Some people think Judaism is just Christianity without Jesus (some people don’t even realize we don’t believe in/celebrate Jesus so newsflash, we don’t) and that’s just wrong. Yes both religions share the Old Testament, so they also share some history and beliefs, but the entire ideologies of the religions are different. In brief, they are similar in some ways but are not the same.

What seems to me to be the biggest difference is that Christianity (from what I understand) has a heavy focus on sins, more specifically repenting for/gaining forgiveness for your sins. In Christianity you are born tainted by original sin. In Judaism we believe everyone is born pure and free from sin and everyone is made in God’s image. Judaism has some concept of sin, but doesn’t focus on them and instead focuses on performing Mitzvot (plural, singular form is mitzvah. Direct translation is “commandment” but basically means good deed or act of kindness. It also relates to the commandments, so following the commandments is also performing mitzvot.) Examples of mitzvot include anything from saying a prayer or lighting Shabbat candles to helping a stranger or donating to charity (called tzedakah). One of the main tenets of Judaism is tikkun olam, which directly translates to “repair the world” and means exactly what it says on the tin. Instead of focusing on being forgiven for doing bad Judaism focuses on doing good. The only day we focus on past wrongdoings is Yom Kippur, one of our most holy holidays, discussed below.

Holidays

Rosh Hashanah – The Jewish New Year, occurs around September and lasts for two days, though Reform Jews often only celebrate the first day. Day of happiness and joy, celebrated by eating sweet things for a “sweet new year” (often apples dipped in honey) and circular challah to represent the end of one year and beginning of another. Also celebrated with services and blowing the shofar (rams horn.) Some spend the day in prayer and/or silent meditation. Possible greetings: chag sameach (happy holiday; can be said on almost any holiday), Shana Tovah, or happy new year (which is what Shana Tovah means, some people just say it in English.)

Yom Kippur – Day of Atonement. Occurs ten days after the start of Rosh Hashanah. One of if not the most solemn day for Jews, but also the most holy. The day is spent reflecting on yourself and any past wrongdoings and atoning. The day (sundown the night before to sundown the day of) is spent fasting, a physical way of atoning. We do this in hopes of being “written in the Book of Life” and starting the year with a clean slate. The shofar is blown at the end of the holiday. Most Jews will end the fast with a grand meal with family and friends. Most common greeting is “have an easy fast,” but happy new year is still appropriate.

Sukkot – Celebrates the harvest, occurs on the fifth day after Yom Kippur and lasts seven days. Celebrated by building a temporary hut outdoors called a sukkah and having meals inside it, as well as shaking palm fronds tied together (called a lulav) and holding a citrus called an etrog. Very fun and festive holiday. Possible greetings include chag sameach or Happy Sukkot.

Shemini Atzeret and Simchat Torah – Some Jews (mostly Reform Jews and Jews living in Israel) combine both holidays into one day while some celebrate them as two separate days. Either way they occur immediately after Sukkot. Shemini Atzeret is similar but separate from Sukkot and features a prayer for rain; Sukkot is not mentioned in prayers and the lulav isn’t shaken but you do eat in the sukkah. Simchat Torah celebrates finishing reading the Torah, which we will then begin again the next day. It’s a festive holiday with dancing and fun. Some Temples will roll the entire Torah out and the children will run under it. Appropriate greeting for both would be chag sameach.

Rosh Hashanah through Simchat Torah are referred to as the High Holidays.

Chanukah – We all know about Chanukah, celebrating the reclaiming of the Second Temple and the miracle of the oil lasting eight days. The most represented Jewish Holiday there is. Unfortunately it’s one of the least significant holidays for us. Occurs around November or December and lasts eight days and nights. Celebrated by lighting candles in the Menorah each night with a prayer and kids usually get gifts each night. Also celebrated with spinning tops called dreidels, fried foods like doughnuts (sufganiyot in Hebrew; usually the jelly filled ones) and potato pancakes called latkes. Greetings: happy Chanukah or chag sameach.

Tu B’Shevat – Birthday of the trees, basically Jewish Arbor Day. Minor but fun holiday, sometimes celebrated by planting trees. Occurs around January or February.

Purim – Celebrates how Queen Esther of Persia defeated Haman and saved her people, the Jews. Occurs in Spring. Festive holiday traditionally celebrated by dressing in costumes, eating sweets, and giving tzedakah (it’s also technically commanded you get drunk so woohoo!) Whenever Haman’s name is mentioned you make a lot of noise, booing and using noisemakers called groggers. Greetings: happy Purim, chag Purim, or chag sameach.

Passover/Pesach – Celebrates the Jews being freed from slavery in Egypt. Occurs in Spring and lasts eight days. The first two nights (some only celebrate the first night) are celebrated with seder, a ritual meal with certain foods, practices, prayers, and readings from a book called the Haggadah and often attended by family and friends. Most famous prayer/song of the holiday is the four questions, which ask why that night is different from all other nights and is traditionally sung by the youngest child at the seder. The entire holiday is spent not eating certain foods, mostly grain or flour (the food restrictions are complicated and differ based on denomination so look it up or ask a Jew.) We eat a lot of matzah during Pesach, which is like a cracker kinda. I personally hate it but some people actually like it. Greetings: happy Passover, chag pesach, or chag sameach.

Tisha B’Av – Anniversary of the destruction of the Temple. Occurs in Summer. Very sad, solemn day. Some celebrate by fasting from sunrise to sunset. Not the most widely celebrated holiday. Some also commemorate the Holocaust (also called the Shoah) on this day as it was the destruction of a figurative temple.

Denominations

There are a bunch of denominations in Judaism, we’ll go into it briefly.

Religious denominations:

Reform/Reformed: This is the least religiously observant level. Often Reform Jews don’t keep kosher or observe Shabbat, their services on Shabbat will use instruments. Reform Jews probably attend services for the high holidays at the very least and probably had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah. Might say they consider themselves more culturally Jewish. Their Temple/Synagogue will be the most “liberal”—aka have more female/diverse Rabbis and a more diverse congregation. I’m Reform and my Temple’s lead Rabbi is a woman and we used to have a Rabbi who’s a queer single mother.

Conservative: More religiously observant and more generally traditional. Might keep kosher or observe Shabbat, but not necessarily. Services likely won’t use instruments (not supposed to play instruments on Shabbat). Most likely had a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, but girls might not read from the Torah, though this depends on the congregation. They do allow female Rabbis, but in my experience it’s less common.

Modern Orthodox: Very religiously observant but also embrace modern society. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot (singular=kippah) and tzitzit under their shirts. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married), most likely with a wig, and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Parents will likely have jobs. Might have larger families (aka more children) but might not. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and female Rabbis are very rare. Children will most likely attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

note: there are some people who fall somewhere between modern Orthodox and ultra-Orthodox, or between any two denominations really. as you can imagine people don’t all practice the exact same way.

Ultra-Orthodox: Very religiously observant and not necessarily modern. Will keep kosher and observe Shabbat. Men will wear kippot or other head coverings and tzitzit under their shirts, and are also often seen wearing suits. Women will cover their hair (if they’re married) with a wig or scarf and wear modest clothing (only wear skirts that are at least past their knees and long sleeves). Emphasis on continued study of Torah/Talmud. Men might have jobs but might instead focus on Jewish studies, while women most often focus on housework and child-rearing. Don’t believe in contraception (but this is kinda nuanced and depends). Will often have very large families because having children is a commandment and helps continue the Jewish people. Might be shomer negiah which means not touching members of the opposite sex aside from their spouse and some close family members. Services will be segregated by gender, girls won’t read from the Torah publicly, and there won’t be female Rabbis. Children will attend a religious school. Will attend shul services every Shabbat and for holidays.

Ethnic denominations (the different denominations do have some differences in practices and such but tbh I don’t know much about that so this is just the basics):

Ashkenazi: Jews that originate from Central/Eastern Europe. Yiddish, a combination of Hebrew and German, originated from and was spoken by Ashkenazim and while it’s a dying language it’s spoken among many Orthodox Jews and many Jews of all levels know/speak some Yiddish words and phrases. Majority of Jews worldwide are Ashkenazi.

Sephardi/Sephardic: Jews that originate from the Iberian Peninsula, North Africa, and southeastern Europe. Ladino, a combination of Old Spanish and Hebrew, originated from and was spoken by Sephardim. It is also a dying language but is still spoken by some Sephardim. After Ashkenazi most of the world’s Jews are Sephardic.

Mizrahi: Jews that originate from the Middle East and North Africa.

Ethiopian Jews: Community of Jews that lived in Ethiopia for over 1,000 years, though most have immigrated to Israel by now.

Stereotypes/Tropes/Controversies/Etc.

There are so many Jewish stereotypes and shit and I ask you to please be mindful of them. Stereotypes do exist for a reason, so some people will fit stereotypes. This means your character might fit one or two; don’t make them fit all of them. Please. Stereotypes to keep in mind (and steer away from) include:

All Jews are rich.

All Jews are greedy.

All Jews are cheap/frugal.

All Jews are [insert job here]. We’ll go into this more below.

All Jews hate Christians/Muslims/etc.

All Jews are white. 

First of all Ethiopian and Mizrahi Jews exist, many Sephardi are Hispanic, and today with intermarriage and everything this just isn’t true.

All Jews have the same physical features: large and/or hooked nose, beady eyes, droopy eyelids, red hair (this is an old stereotype I didn’t really know existed), curly hair.

Many Jews do have somewhat large noses and curly hair. I’m not saying you can’t give these features to your characters, but I am saying to be careful and don’t go overboard. And don’t give all of your Jewish characters these features. As a side note, it is common at least among American Jews that girls get nose jobs. Not all, but some.

Jews are secretly world elite/control the world/are lizard people/new world order/ any of this stuff. 

STAY AWAY FROM. DO NOT DO THIS OR ANYTHING LIKE THIS. If you have a character that’s part lizard, do not make them Jewish. If you have a character that’s part of a secret group that controls the entire world, do not make them Jewish.

Jews have horns. If you have characters with horns please don’t make them Jewish.

Jews killed Jesus.

The blood libel. Ew. No.

The blood libel is an antisemitic accusation/idea/concept that back in the day Jews would murder Christian children to use their blood in religious rituals and sometimes even for consumption (did I mention gross?) Not only did this just not happen, but it’s actually against Jewish law to murder, sacrifice, or consume blood. Yes these accusations really happened and it became a main reason for persecution of Jews. And some people still believe this shit.

Jews caused The Plague.

The reason this conspiracy exists is because many Jews didn’t get The Plague and the goyim thought that meant it was because the Jews caused it/cursed them. The real reason Jews didn’t get it is because ritual hand-washing and good hygiene kept them from getting it. Sorry that we bathe.

Jewish mother stereotype.

Ok, listen. I know stereotypes are mostly a bad thing but I have to admit the Jewish mother stereotype is not far off. Jewish moms do tend to be chatty and a little nagging, are often very involved in their children’s lives, and they are often trying to feed everyone (although they don’t all cook, my mom hates cooking.) They also tend to be big worriers, mostly worrying about their family/loved ones. They also tend to know everyone somehow. A twenty minute trip to the grocery store can turn into an hour or two long trip because she’ll chat with all the people she runs into.

Jewish-American Princess (JAP) ((I know calling Japanese people Japs is offensive. Jews will call girls JAPs, but with a completely different meaning. If that’s still offensive I am sorry, but just know it happens.))

This is the stereotype that portrays Jewish girls/women as spoiled brats basically. They will be pampered and materialistic. Do these girls exist? Definitely. I still recommend steering away from this stereotype.

Names

Listen. Listen. There are some names that Jews just won’t have. I won’t speak in definites because there are always exceptions but you’ll rarely find a Jew named Trinity or Grace or Faith or any form of Chris/Christopher/Christina etc. Biblical names from the Old Testament? Absolutely Jews will have those names they’re actually very common.

I’m in a Jewish Sorority. My pledge class of ~70 girls had five Rebeccas and four Sarahs. Surprisingly only one Rachel though.

When it comes to last names I have two thoughts that might seem contradictory but hear me out: a) give your Jewish OC’s Jewish surnames, b) don’t give your Jewish OC’s the most Jewish surname to ever exist.

By this I mean I would much rather see a character named Sarah Cohen or Aaron Levine than Rachel Smith. Just that little bit of recognition makes a happy exclamation point appear over my head, plus it can be a good way to hint to readers that your OC is Jewish.

On the other hand, please don’t use the most stereotypical Jewish names you’ve ever heard. If you have five Jewish OCs and one of them is Isaac Goldstein then fine. If Isaac Goldstein is your only Jewish OC I might get a little peeved. There are tons of common Jewish surnames that are recognizable and easy to look up, so don’t revert to the first three that come to mind. Maybe it’s just me, but I find it yucky, for lack of a better word.

Jobs

We all know there are certain jobs that are stereotypical for Jews to have. We’re talking lawyer, dentist, doctor, banker type stuff. To an extent these stereotypes exist for a reason, many Jews go into those careers. Do not make these the only careers your Jewish OCs have. Stereotypes might have reasoning behind them but it doesn’t mean they aren’t harmful. If you have multiple Jewish OCs some of them can have these careers, but not all of them. I do know a lot of Jewish lawyers, dentists, and doctors. I also know accountants, people involved in businesses (“mom, what does Brad do?” “he’s a businessman” sometimes there just aren’t more specific words), people involved in real estate. I don’t actually know any bankers personally, and with money and stuff being one of the most common and harmful Jewish stereotypes I would suggest steering away from that.

These are common fields for Jews, but Jews can have literally any job. Please feel free to get creative. And if you have more than one Jewish OC you can think about making one of them a Rabbi, but DON’T do this if they’re the only Jewish OC. Please.

Yiddish

So I mentioned Yiddish earlier. Like I already said, it’s not a very widely used language anymore but there are some words and phrases that are still used by a lot of Jews (in America at least.) Here’s a list that is absolutely not comprehensive:

Oy vey = oh no

Shvitzing = sweating (but not just a little bit. Shvitzing is like SWEATING)

Kvetch/kvetching = whine/whining or complain/complaining

Mazel tov = congratulations; this is the same in Yiddish and Hebrew

Chutzpah = nerve or gall (e.g. “He’s got a lot of chutzpah for breaking up over text like that”)

Kismet = fate; I just learned this is Yiddish

Bubbe and Zayde = grandma and grandpa

Schelp/schlepping = drag/dragging, can also mean carry or move (e.g. “I had to schlep the bag all around town” doesn’t mean they literally dragged it)

Schmutz = dirt or something dirty (e.g. “you have schmutz on your face”)

Schmatta = literally means rag but can be used to refer to ratty blankets or clothes

Plotz = collapse (usually used in the sense of “I’m so tired I might plotz” or “she’s gonna be so excited she’s gonna plotz”)

Schmuck/shmendrick = both mean more or less the same, a jerk or obnoxious person

Shtick = gimmick, routine, or act (can be used like (“I don’t like that comedian’s shtick” or “he always makes himself the center of attention it’s his shtick”)

Spiel = long speech, story, or rant

There’s so many more so look them up and think about using them, but don’t overdo it. A Jewish person isn’t gonna use a Yiddish word in every sentence (or even every day or every few days.)

Israel

In my community at least it’s very common that by the time your college-aged that you’ll have been to Israel at least once.

Israel is a controversial topic within the Jewish community and in the world. It’s sensitive and complex. I really, really suggest not getting into it. Just don’t bring it up because no matter what you say someone will be unhappy. Just don’t do it.

Ashkenazi Disorders

Ashkenazi Jews have some sucky genes (I’m Ashkenazi so I can say this, you cannot.) These sucky genes cause certain disorders to be more prevalent for us. Children only get the disorder if both parents are carriers of the disorder, so Jews usually get genetic testing done before having children. If both parents are carriers the risk of the child getting the disorder is high, so parents might reconsider or have some indecisiveness/fear. Some of these are:

Tay-Sachs

Cystic Fibrosis

Canavan Disease

Familial Dysautonomia

Gaucher Disease

Spinal Muscular Atrophy  

Fanconi Anemia

Mucolipidosis IV

Niemann-Pick Disease

Torsion Dystonia

Bloom Syndrome

Ashkenazi Jews also have a high prevalence of the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes, which increase the risk of breast and ovarian cancer in women and increase the risk of breast and prostate cancer in men.

Crohn’s Disease, Ulcerative Colitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, and Lactose Intolerance are also very prevalent

In a dorm of like 40 Jews, six of them had Crohn’s.

Ways to Show Your OC is Jewish

Wears Jewish jewelry, e.g. Star of David (also called Jewish Star and Magen David), Chai symbol (means life), jewelry with Sh’ma prayer, or hamsa (but beware this symbol is used outside of Judaism).

Mentions their temple, their Rabbi, having a Bat/Bar Mitzvah, going to Hebrew School, Shabbat, or a holiday coming up.

Have someone ask them a question about Judaism.

Have someone notice they have a mezuzah on their door. 

Most Jews will have a mezuzah on the doorframe of the front door of their house/apartment, but they could even have one for their dorm room or whatever. It’s traditional to kiss your hand then touch the mezuzah when walking through the door, but most Jews don’t do this every time, at least not most Reform or Conservative Jews.

Have them call out antisemitism if you’re feeling spicy

The end! I hope this helped and if you have any questions my ask box is always open!