#based on my experiences as i think everyone can infer lol

[candiedspit]

Junebug

It was the summertime; baseball games on the radio, little fires. 

I was twenty-seven. I was learning how to box in Mickey’s hot, crowded basement. He spoke of the sport in sermons, and when I came in frilled and drunk off my own blood, we practiced until I could feel the cool distilled ointment he slathered onto my knuckles afterward and until I could make out hear the sweet croonings of his records in clear pictures. Sometimes, we drank homemade strawberry daquiris and watched cartoons instead. But most of the time, I walked into Mickey’s arms in a fit, red in the face and knotted. I was on a hair trigger that summer; went around looking for fights and unable to sit still because back home in Tennessee–where the grass was long and the sun grinned madly–my mother was dying. It was Tamara who told me, my older sister by three years. Listen, she said. Things are bad. I hadn’t spoken to my mother in almost half a decade. And even with the time we had left, I couldn’t will myself to call her, so I learned how to hit things instead. But one evening, Tamara told me our mother was asking for me in her milky opioid sleep. 

Just call her for a while, Tamara said. It’s gonna be quick. It’s gonna be soon. 

I put it off for a week. I imagined her waiting for the call. I told Mickey about it at our next session. We were sitting on his ratty couch. 

Christ, what did she do to you that you won’t call? He asked with a half-chuckle. 

A lot, I said. I can’t remember half of it. 

Tell me one thing, he urged. Just say it out loud. It doesn’t hurt as much if you can give it a name. 

He was well meaning. I tried to recall as his fridge buzzed. 

Once, I began. So many times. I was wrong. I was made wrong down to my molecules. I was all the names in the book. I was always. I was never at the same time. The roof caved in because I made it cave in. A remote control at my head. A bruise on my forearm from where she held me in place. I was so many things, as many things a child could be. All of them disgusting. I was rot. But I could never be in pain. But I could never see things in the right light. And she could. She was the whitest of angels. And all I did was thrust the sword deeper and deeper into her side. These were things she said. All of these things for years, even after I got the fuck out of there. 

Mickey had placed a hand on my back. I could hardly feel it there. I was in the third dimension, a place where realness couldn’t reach. It took forty-five minutes of practice to get me back. I decided, as I eyed the Playboy calendar Mickey had on the wall, that I was going to call her in three days. It had to be done. I couldn’t go on. 

Three days afterward, I dialed her number; I was in the kitchen smoking a cigarette. I placed my hand on my hip and the moon was out in her piss colored glorious. After three rings, I hesitated. But on the fourth, there was a click and then her voice on the other end. 

Hello? Who’s this? 

Mama, it’s Juna. 

Juna, she said. Oh my goodness. I didn’t think you were going to call. Juna, how’s it been this long? All these years. 

I know, I said. But Tamara said you’re not feeling well. I had to call. 

Not feeling well is one way to say it. I’m fucking dying, Juna. And where are you? Watching ballets at midnight? Doing pornos on a Tuesday? Drinking the boys under the table? What have you been so fucking busy with? Jesus. 

I stayed quiet. 

You gonna fucking answer me?

How are you doing? I asked, biting the skin off the edge of my thumb.  

I’m saline and morphine, she said. Television dramas. Endless dreaming. The doctor asks if I’m comfortable. Tamara has been here. Skips work to wash me down. I tell the nurse to fuck herself and she still calls me ma’am. I’m quite alright. Who are you fucking these days? 

Mama, I should have called. 

His dick so big you can’t see anything else? He the only person who’ll give you the time of day? Everyone else has left? And he’s the only one who you can still fool? 

Mama, I said. 

If you think you’re different, you’re wrong, she said with a cough. I have always known who you are. And you’ve only proven me right. You’re a house on fire. You’re a bad dog. You’re the only thing I ever done wrong. You’re dirt, Junebug. Don’t call me again. And don’t bother comin’ to the funeral. Don’t write me no eulogies. I hope you get happy someday. 

She hung up. I stood there, stunned. 

A white hot electric ran through me. I tried to remember Mickey’s advice. Go where you can see the skies. Go where the world is. I went out, still in my wife beater and shorts, and walked beneath the hard and heavy night. But the cool air only made me hot. Mickey’s voice again. Find something to hold. Find something heavy to hold. I looked around. A woman was picking up her mail. The trees made shapes on the ground. But there was a broken mirror on someone’s curb. I plucked out a piece of glass, and as I walked back home, I counted my steps. I go to eighty one by the time I was at my front door. I could feel my heart pounding like a trapped child. It had to happen soon. I went to the bathroom, sat on the floor, and made a mess of my wrist counting backward from eighty-one. The anger began to dissipate like air out of a balloon. I could feel my hands again. I was shrinking back down. I sat there for a long while, breathless and dumb. 

I called Mickey as I cleaned the wound with antiseptic. I told him what happened. I went over in the morning. He held my wrist. 

Idiot, he said. Let’s go. 

We practiced. He asked me to repeat what he was saying, looking for signs of life. That I hadn’t slipped back into the bloodstream of nowhere. We practiced until I could hear him. 

You gotta keep moving. You gotta be awake. That’s the only way out of this. Y’hear me? The only way out is to be awake when the room goes magic, when the light shudders through the windows, when the newspaper goes out, when the kid speaks. 

Be awake. Be awake. Be awake. Tennessee is a dream.

[gothicprep]

i don’t have any rose tinted glasses on about twitter. it’s always been terrible. main difference now is that it’s a different kind of terrible and there’s more spam. how it’s terrible now mainly has to do with obnoxious ~gender war~ garbage, mostly produced by people who don’t seem to have a lot of relationship experience, and quips about marriage from people who don’t seem to be married.

there’s also a strain of it that seems to be informed by this tacky Grind Hustle Buy Crypto subculture thing that I mentally associate with miami lol

I think what annoys me the most about the people who waste their time on this is that they think it’s a universal way of looking at the world when it isn’t. if they had enough self-awareness to admit that this was the domain of evola-pilled religious traditionalists and nouveau libertarian tech heads, I’d be more inclined to leave well enough alone. but they aren’t. they think everyone looks at the world the same way they do, and it’s strange.

for example, take a tiktok screenshot or video of a woman in her late 30s+ who’s unhappy with dating. based on my personal experience with living in the world, I can make a pretty confident inference that she was in a long term relationship or marriage which ended, and is frustrated with re-integrating into the dating world.

this is interpreted as either: “she was too picky and is paying for it” or “no one will want her because her uterus is dried up and she can’t have kids”. we’re beyond “when you hear hoof prints, think horses, not zebras” territory at this point. it’s more like dire need of a lesson that unicorns don’t exist.

[folcanta]

(spoilers i guess?)

ok... maybe i'm fully off base here, and i would genuinely lahv to know

in talking to my partner more about the nitty gritty mechanisms of escaflowne, it's so funny, because i remember Exactly where i was when i was 12-13 and writing the first draft of my big giant 500pg original story in which i full on lifted the... creating worlds/outcomes from your will/anxiety concept. but as i was writing it, i stopped mid-scene, and then rewrote the story without it, when i realised i had a serious issue with...

1. Manifestation/The Secret in general

2. even the "real" version of manifestation, which is just grinding it out/centering your life around a particular thing— so if you like obsessively want to make a lot of money you are more likely to be unscrupulous in how you achieve that. which isn't great. but also, you can grind forever and achieve nothing, because you do not act separately from the systems in which you exist... and if the system is engineered to benefit you already, you haven't done anything even remotely in the realm of magic.

by 12yrs of age i had witnessed both myself and other people try really really really hard in incredibly difficult situations and nothing happened. they got worse or nothing changed at all. i was constantly told my by terrible parents that i was just a willfully miserable bitch creating my bad circumstances (which they were putting me in, lol. as if the responsibility lay in internal problems, and not influenced by my environment... which never changed.) so i had very little faith in the idea that simply shifting my thoughts would affect any change at all. i became a better artist despite everything trying to keep me from doing so, but i couldn't build a life to support it, and i became a boy, but i was always a boy. idk

3. hitomi's mother and grandmother are shown and made to be significant. if i'm supposed to believe it's genetic in a similar way to folken and van, then genetics are acting like predetermination here in a series that seemingly is meant to defy predetermination. i buy it with the fanel fam because they live in gaea so in the context of the fantastical i automatically just accept it. but hitomi is from earth, and it seems like her grandma is just the reason to provide hitomi with a pendant. that could happen in other ways— why does it matter that her family member, specifically, ended up there? i hesitate to ask this but are we supposed to infer anything about the...... time period.... of her arrival? which leads me to the next thing,

4. we know other people have shown up to gaea, and isaac newton signals that hitomi's earth is rooted in real earth history. so is it just completely random? because if it were a matter of will, i kept wondering why there weren't more examples of who/how people end up in gaea— like did everyone on the Titanic just want to die, i guess, instead of be anywhere except the Titanic?

ok during the war we see that crazy nuke go off. the country that had the nuke immediately turns on everyone else once the zaibach threat is neutralised (further proof of power being endlessly corrupting.) they acknowledge that this is what these armies want: they Want to prolong war, not for any good reason but to secure their own power. but if that is being explained by willpower and faith, am i supposed to think that no one in all the history of gaea and isaac newton's experiments, no one ever unanimously wanted anything before now??

5. BECAUSE it's being tied to romance in particular, it feels too easy to come to the conclusion of "oh silly girlie, just don't have doubts and there'll be no problems!" like i want to see that same anxiety and fear equally substantiated and justified, even rewarded, without the consequence of destruction.

6. i like the moments where hitomi is really upset by finding out/thinking about this, but i do kinda wish she was even more devastated by the realisation. lots of people have died and gruesomely, after all.

7. i know/am meant to understand that every character is experiencing the consequences of their actions and intentions so hitomi alone isn't the beset-upon Harbinger Of Cause/Effect. but if it's still important that their actions/intentions are, all on their own, forcing outcomes into existence, why DON'T folken's wishes ever come true if he's maximum sweetie boy, which he is. if hitomi, thru belief, has the power to change trajectory, why did folken die lol. is his will that much stronger than hers? is isaac newton's will that much stronger than hers? up to that point we've increasingly been shown just how crazy powerful hitomi's will is. she went back to earth and then came back to gaea. if her wants are that potent, does this mean folken's weren't? why is it important that his are weaker?

8. what is the origin point of fate? where does fate begin, except for every second of every life for all time? doesn't that mean fate is always changing? varie is prophesied to meet goau. it would make more sense to me if she was prophesied to meet him Whenever, instead of at a designated time/place. how far into the future could she see? why did she want to stay with him? what about when she was a kid— like she grew up just accepting this was true and did nothing about it? by having the event not be random, and following a simple roadmap, it makes it seem... idk, less exciting? she wasn't surprised— she just went where she was told. so did she see far into the future, the future where hitomi and fan save gaea, justifying the deaths of her husband and son and her own? well that sucks, so immense personal suffering is justifiable toward the greater good?

we see hitomi intervene all the time. it's all she does. she gets a premonition and tries to keep them from danger— it's pretty much always her immediate next move.

when hitomi prays for someone to save van when he's fighting dilandau and his boys in the lake, allen shows up. prior to this, allen directed his crew to stay on the particular course that would lead them safely to freid, and it ends up bringing them to the lake. then a freid ship shows up shortly after. does that mean the freid ship could've been what saved them if allen had taken a different route? it would've been later, and van could've died/been kidnapped in that time. so what did hitomi influence... when allen stays on course, hitomi hasn't yet prayed for van's safety. is this meant to prove that A Thing Would Happen, but allen ended up being closest vs the freid ship? but to achieve that, what exactly did hitomi affect?

i Like hitomi being dark matter. an errant proton. a Single-Event Upset. a disruptive force, something altering the course gaea was on. i like van and hitomi as entangled particles. i also like escaflowne— the mech— being the vehicle, medium, through which she acts (unintentionally.) it's always been easier for me to conceptualise it as a many worlds/schrödinger's cat situation. but then to tie that to emotion just doesn't hit for me. what influence does Having The Correct Feeling— regardless of action— have on fate? Action has influence on fate. the system seems like it needs to be one or the other

1. hitomi switching the characters onto different tracks by influencing their outcome through her actions— including the act of telling them about it

2. hitomi's actions not being backed up by the right feelings causes a dissonance that affects a negative outcome

if it's 2, idk what to make of that. you can do goodness in the world while doubting some aspect of it. if it's 1, then the bad result seems like a consequence of honesty.

forcing a different outcome is what should be rewarded then, shouldn't it? why insist on a meaningful difference between changing/being honest about your emotions VS trying to shift those negative emotions into positive ones? if hitomi changes fate without meaning to, why are the results so terrible when she tries to do it on purpose? the limits and exceptions to prove the rule seem a little vague, and i'm not being given much to compare/contrast and flesh out the way things could be, only the way things are.

i shouldn't be invited to think about the rules and exceptions when SO MUCH of escaflowne i am perfectly convinced by. if emotion is portrayed strongly and earnestly, i'm willing to forgive almost anything. but i find everything about this 1 point emotionally incongruous which then gives me room to think a little too much about it lol. i think this is The Reason i felt a little distant from the series despite it (folken) taking over my stupid life. like he always made immediate sense and was a kind of compass when all the above became explicit toward the end. when hitomi reacts like "why?? why does sad shit keep happening???" i shouldn't also be thinking "yeah... actually why did this happen?" and then retroactively find holes in the whole thing lol

if the series rewards trying/believing in a positive outcome, why doesn't it work for him? is it just that everyone needs to believe in the same goal together? ok— aside from him accepting his own death (sucks) how different at that point are folken and hitomi's actual goals? also i think it was a bad choice not to have van be present for this. that, in addition to there not being a meaningful relationship between folken and isaac newton, makes the whole event fall flat for me.

the film does a better job of this imo where it does feel more random and chaotic, and the dispersal of information vs breathless action is such that i just buy it. there's no room to think more about it, i don't feel spurred to. the film takes the concept of "okay, so what if hitomi, folken, and van all have psychic powers" and constructs a new narrative around it and the logic is more understated. but the series, with more time and repeat explanation, leaves me wondering things that, i think if it were done more successfully, i wouldn't.

idk. in addition to my structural issues with it, also just felt too close to things that were said to and expected of me and, to me, were observably false, and impacted me negatively. it was hard to live inside the fantasy of that. there's enough there that i really like and doesn't feel undermined by this, and the implied concept of alternate timelines/streams crossed always excites me. it's really my only enduring criticism, but it sucks that it's such an integral part of the story. i love van and hitomi's emotional, romantic arc, i believe in them, i'm rooting for them from the bleachers. but still.

[soup-scope]

i have a response

a read more your convenience

first of all, my man is so soft spoken and so polite.

from his tone of voice i pick up the vibes on how *excited* he is to discover another seer obscura in his lifetime. he *finally* has another person in his life who could possibly understand what it’s like to exist with his abilities. i can only barely imagine how terrifying it is to be a seer, but a seer obscura especially? they don’t *exist* in the time continuum that seers can witness. in any capacity. although something like that can be seen as freeing or uninhibiting. that is fucking terrifying to me. like the idea of being able to see ANYTHING and you just can’t see what happens to *you* specifically… that’s fucking scary. and just. you can hear how excited he is about meeting someone who can share that experience with him…. and yet he restrains himself for the sake of his listener. during his audios he is just so. calm and patient with the listeners apprehension with their abilities.

i’m also a massive lore girlie (gn) and morgan’s videos are a GOLDMINE filled with lore. we learn bits and pieces of how the department is structured, magical history, and potentially the creation of seers themselves might be revealed in his vids‼️‼️ the seer community seems to be its own direct and different branch of the magical community.

his listener is also somewhat developed already?? there’s just a lot we can infer from them/characterize on our own. they only reach out to the department for guidance after the inversion. like i’m so interested in their motives as to why they waited so long to reach out???? they hid themself as an illusory??? did they work in a magical-based job?? but also because of how open their character is it opens the door to so many weird/fun headcanons. like my starbucks manager seer obscura listener lol. (i think part of my morgan enjoyment stems from how much fun i had with my listener for him lmao)

i ADORE the idea of seer obscuras. there’s quite literally only like two (maybe more) in existence rn. they can hide themselves as different magical users and can’t be SEEN BY THE TIME STREAM. like they can make HUGE impacts on the future. morgan or his listener can potentially help with the close knit situation cause blake won’t be able to see them coming or make any direct action 👀👀

i simply adore how morgan interacted with his listener with zero expectations and just wanted to answer their questions patiently and politely and just get the chance to maybe see them in the future and/or maybe help them along the way

ik that morgan as a character is a plot device. he’s the character that’s used to drop shit loads of exposition without it being out of character. like vincent solaire isn’t gonna make out with lovely and then go into a long winded lecture about how seers were invented. morgan is an exposition machine to get plot spewed out at us. i recognize that but at the same time i love it. because i love lore and lore dumps

TLDR: he’s respectful and soft spoken (very nice on my ears) and i love all the lore he provides.

(also ps: everyone draws morgan looking super hot so that helps. especially @elisacaleisa ‘s design it’s SO GOOD)

I have an assignment for you @soup-scope

Why do you love Morgan? Can you give me a detailed explanation of what’s appealing about him? I genuinely don’t even understand, he puts me right to sleep everytime 😭

[sneakyboymerlin]

Hi!!! Do you have any like. Hcs or thoughts on that one gwaine scene in a servant of two masters, where he looks like such a sad puppy bc possessed!merlin was mean to him? Do you think they ever talk about it? Especially since well. Merlin doesn’t REMEMBER anything in between morgana showing him the snake and Gaius later telling him he was trying to kill Arthur- I just. It hurts my heart, that sad Gwaine look, and the fact that in the very best episode he is right there helping Merlin look for Gaius

Oh I have many, many thoughts.

First, it’s vital to remember that we did not actually see the complete scene when they first reunite because part of the script was cut. Find the missing parts here. It seems to continue from the lines “You know what I like about Merlin? He never expects any praise. All these things he does, just for the good of doing them…” This can be considered fully canon, despite being absent from the final cut, because Gwaine refers to Merlin as “Bog Man” later on.

We may not see Gwaine’s full reaction after Merlin reappears, but Arthur and Gwaine only brought two horses on the rescue mission, so it can be inferred that Merlin rode back with Gwaine (which may explain why he didn’t make any successful attempts on Arthur’s life until they returned to Camelot).

One other factor to keep in mind: Gaius, Gwen, and Arthur each approach Merlin from the perspective that, having been in the hands of bandits for days, he is currently processing a traumatizing experience (truer than they know). It can be inferred that Gwaine is no different here, even if his approach seems to be. I’ve said it once before, but Gwaine—like everyone else—likely attributes Merlin’s newfound attitude to his recent trauma.

Based on that information, it’s safe to say that Gwaine could have responded in one of two ways:

He didn’t take Merlin’s emotional lashing-out personally because Merlin had only just returned from being held hostage by bandits.

He did take it personally because he believes that’s how Merlin really thinks of him—maybe Merlin just doesn’t want to pretend right now.

In any case, he probably never brought it up, just accepted the treatment because… it’s Merlin.

If we look at how Merlin snaps at Gwaine in the following episode, but miraculously does not deter Gwaine in his anger, it seems that Gwaine is handling the hurt with grace, choosing not to apprehend Merlin out of understanding for his feelings.

Regardless, he doesn’t seem to believe that Merlin actually dislikes him and even argues for his own usefulness. But he may also feel that he needs to repair whatever’s broken in their relationship, and perhaps he only sees his worth as far as he can be of some benefit to Merlin.

Moving forward, did they ever talk about what Merlin said while possessed? My guess is, no. Merlin and Gwaine’s dynamic in the event of Gaius’ kidnapping is emotionally consistent with where they left off in the prior episode. Gwaine’s act of camaraderie has been harshly rejected by Merlin, and Merlin feels some rejection himself when Gwaine and the knights try to kill him (while he’s disguised lol) in the woods.

So really, those two interactions are the starting point that they’re coming from when Merlin walks in to see that Gwaine’s been waiting to see him. It makes sense if Gwaine doesn’t know the real reason for why Merlin was harsh with him, and it further explains Merlin’s assumption that Gwaine isn’t going to believe him (besides the fact that he’s just been basically accused of treason for telling the truth). Merlin and Gwaine both feel like there’s a distance between them, but for entirely different reasons. It’s ultimately due to this major miscommunication.

Besides their self-inflicted self-isolation habits, there’s another reason they probably didn’t talk about it. If Gwaine never brought it up, then Merlin has no way of knowing that it’s hanging in the air between them, since he has no memory of his time under the enchantment. He also wouldn’t be able to tell Gwaine the full truth without potentially revealing that it was him in the woods, not an actual assassin, but who’s to say what lie he might’ve told Gwen? She didn’t seem to know what Merlin had to do to get rid of the Fomorrah, so what he tells Gwaine of the incident is up in the air I guess.

If you want an answer, I would say that if they did talk about it, it was after they rescued Gaius, not before. In all honesty, I don’t believe it happened in canon. But whether their relationship ever fully recovers (at least in that margin of time) is difficult to gauge. Even if those events continued to stand between them for the rest of their friendship, it didn’t stop them from caring about each other or trying to fix it. And that is in and of itself a sure sign of their bond :-)

[bigskydreaming]

Something else to keep in mind is the way things compound? Like for instance, I’ve seen a mini trend of fics lately focusing on the issue of Dick dropping out of college or not wanting to go, which for the record, I feel is another way of building up to the idea that he and Bruce have all these fights during this period that are two way streets instead of like....what canon actually was (reminder that in the canon that Dick actually dropped out he and Bruce actually were never really NOT on good terms, like there’s never been a big fight in the comics about this topic so.....incheresting).

But anyway, my point is its worth keeping in mind that how you frame something at one point in a narrative like.....ideally, you want it to mesh up and align with other things you’ve brought up throughout the narrative, and not accidentally contradict yourself narratively.

I mean, this is really the big gripe most Dick Grayson fans have with his fanon characterization overall:

The fact that it just doesn’t make sense.

In Jason-centric fics that are after his resurrection, how often is Jason utterly convinced that Dick can’t even wipe his ass without Bruce’s approval? And yet in Jason-centric fics that are before his death, how often is Jason thinking about how Dick and Bruce are constantly fighting and Bruce can’t seem to do anything without Dick objecting? Reconcile these two things. They make no sense.

Same thing with fics that talk about Dick being the emotional glue of the family, the one keeping a cool head to calm down everyone else when they’re all taking shots at each other.....until randomly he just pops off without warning because he’s just that hot-tempered. These things mesh, how?

Same thing with Dick being frequently referenced as idealized by the hero community......but every time he interacts with someone like Roy or Kori or other Titans he can’t seem to avoid pissing them off and creating epic grudges. Make it make sense.

Or how Dick disliked or didn’t care about Jason to the extent that he only references him as a cautionary tale because of one line in canon......but the whole damn story where he kills the Joker because of Jason doesn’t count.

Or how its not okay to blame Dick for his own rapes but both of his major breakups which are intrinsically linked to the actions of his rapists like....were clearly and objectively all his fault somehow.

Dick Grayson fans aren’t on board with most of fanon because you can’t sell people on a constantly conflicting characterization that makes no sense and has no internal consistency.....you can only cater to people who don’t NEED to be sold on that because they’ve already decided they’re down with hating a character or largely ignoring him.

And I think people have gotten so used to not thinking twice about contradictory takes on Dick Grayson that they unintentionally undermine their own fics by contradicting themselves without even realizing it.

Like its ridiculously common to come across fics that reference Dick being beloved and charming everyone at the society galas they all have to go to.....but these fics take pot shots at Dick’s name, fashion, mannerisms etc all throughout it just because the author likes it or fans expect it or whatever reason.

But actually THINK about it:

Think how snobby the socialites at these galas are characterized as being any time its Jason their noses are turned down at.....and then look at like.....the constant jokes you as the author make YOURSELF at Dick’s very name, fashion and circus origins......how on Earth does it make ANY sense that these same people aren’t doing the same damn thing about Dick? That they’re actually any more fond of him than they are Jason, if no matter how charming he might be in the moment, the second he turns around its just as easy and likely for them to make a joke about his circus background or name as it is for writers and readers? If you can’t resist doing it, you really think snobby one percenters would bother in-universe?

Hell, they’d be more likely to hate him BECAUSE of his name, his fashion, etc.....because think of how often people not so subtly infer that he’s making a bad choice when he refuses to go by a different name, or dress more accordingly to normal fashions, etc.....

Dick has a million ways he could more easily fit in with the society he was brought into and ease his passage through it, but he puts his foot down at practically every opportunity. The idea that everybody is just dazzled by him at these galas makes no sense because the most consistent character choice made by Dick throughout the decades is that he refuses to CONFORM to others’ expectations of what he should be like. 

EVERY SINGLE CHOICE he makes from his name to his wardrobe to his costumes to his education to his city to his living arrangements and on and on is in complete and utter DEFIANCE of what people expect of the eldest son or ward of Bruce Wayne, Prince of Gotham, and that’s by Dick’s conscious and consistent choice. He knows damn well how to be more what people want or expect of him, and that’s not what he wants so he says mmmm but also how bout no.

Dick constantly embodies the idea that you can take the boy out of the circus but you can not and will not take the circus out of the boy no matter what environment you place him in or who you surround him with. He will not allow it. He will not play along.

In what universe is that going to endear him to the very people who would most likely view his choice to prioritize the very things they look down upon as something he consciously PREFERS over their projected expectations or assumptions?

Its not.

Personally, I think Gotham high society despises Dick Grayson no matter what they pretend to his face, and he’s perfectly aware of it. And probably gets some kind of trollish glee out of it because fuck them too, anyway.

(And all of that is WITHOUT even taking into account the fact that a good number of the people at these society galas all along were looking at Dick as their future property, given that they were Owl members who knew all along what they intended for their Gray Son. These people simply do not view and treat Dick as an equal. Its impossible. There’s no way).

Or then back to the idea of Bruce and Dick’s fights in his later teenage years being a two way street....

The core problem at the root of all this is the very idea of a two way street implies a certain give and take. A clashing of equals.

And that’s just not the reality in ANY continuity.

Because the question is, in any given fight between Dick and Bruce in ANY canon....

When does Dick ever WIN these fights?

When does Dick get the outcome he wants OVER what Bruce wants? When does Bruce ever cave? When is it NOT Dick leaving the manor without getting what he came for, or even being kicked out? When has Dick ever been able to say no, I’m NOT fired, or no, I’m NOT giving you control over what happens with Robin. Even when he DOES confront Bruce on these matters, Bruce STILL infamously never caves. He never actually apologizes or admits wrongdoing, he still usually tells Dick to leave. Like I said, basically the only time Dick’s ever got the upper hand in an argument was over the college thing and that time it wasn’t even a fight! Bruce didn’t actually care that much! That was the good timeline! LOL.

But there’s never actually a reversal. There’s no real precedent for Bruce caving to a teenage Dick Grayson and saying hey you know what, you’re right here, I’m overstepping or I’m in the wrong or I’m the one who doesn’t know what he’s talking about because our divergent life experiences here have mine as less relevant to the issue in question than yours do?

It doesn’t happen.

And here’s the problem with that:

Dick’s a literal genius. Every member of the Batfam is. Its how they’re able to do what they do. They’re ALL smart as fuck, capable as fuck. Put any of them in any other situation where they’re the only Bat present, and everyone usually defaults to them. They know what to do, they know what call to make, their approach is borne out by the narrative as being the correct approach. Their intelligence and strategy is validated by the narrative, with Dick being no exception here. In fact he’s particularly NOTED within canon narratives for being the guy everyone in the DC universe trusts to lead them.

Now.....imagine being this guy, who while although still a teenager, is in his late teens, and has YEARS of leading his own team under his belt. Years of being responsible for the lives of teammates and civilians. Years of becoming aware of and comfortable with his own natural brilliance. Years of becoming confident in being capable of making the right call when the situation demands it. Years of learning to TRUST in his ability to make the right call, to know the right approach, because not only are people relying on him to make those calls, he needs to be able to trust he can make them in order to have the confidence to follow through and DO so instead of being frozen with indecision or trying to pass the decision off to someone else, which he NEVER does?

With all that....and even with all due respect to Bruce’s own genius and experience....

What are the chances that in all the times that Bruce and Dick clash in his late teenage years....

Dick is NEVER right?

And yet.....when in any of these conflicts.....is he ever validated in that, versus shut down by Bruce who insists his way is still right?

Imagine being an acknowledged genius with years of experience and responsibility under your belt, but NEVER getting to be right in any arguments with your father, even when just based off pure freaking statistics, its frankly impossible for you to be 100% wrong EVERY SINGLE TIME?

Do you see where the two way street thing starts to fall apart? How can it truly be a two way street if part of the reason the two of them so often end UP aggressively opposed to each other during this time period.....is because of how many times previous encounters have only ended ONE way no matter WHAT?

It makes sense for Dick and Bruce not to clash as much during their younger years, because even the most stubborn kids do understand on a fundamental level that they have things to learn from more experienced adults. And Dick has never been someone mindlessly predisposed towards conflict. He didn’t become an exceptional acrobat by the age of eight by butting heads with his parents every time they tried to teach him, he couldn’t have. He KNOWS how to listen, he KNOWS how to acknowledge when someone else is right. 

But as he grows older, when he has more and more experience under his belt, more and more confidence in his own insights in large parts thanks to Bruce’s own efforts in buttressing his confidence in his younger years.....what happens when the balance of who is right and who is wrong in their arguments NEVER EVER starts to shift in his direction even a little bit, no matter HOW much more experienced he seems to get....and what happens when communicating this problem, this imbalance, to the person that really matters here, Bruce himself....still inherently requires Bruce accepting blame and acknowledging even just in THIS case, the idea that he’s not always right at this point and Dick has insights that can challenge his?

Of course there’s going to be more and more conflict....but can you truly argue that its a two way street, even just based off THIS? Is the teenage son truly to blame for being frustrated that he’s not allowed to ever be right, because the thing getting in his way is his father never ever being willing to back down or cave or not have the last word?

This is the sort of inherent contradiction I think lies at the heart of a lot of conflicting viewpoints here. It doesn’t matter how much lip service is being paid to the idea that Dick is intelligent, that Dick is respected, if all your content continually bears out the idea that actually no he’s not, because Bruce is always right, Dick never is in the right in arguments or conflicts.

The latter evidence just is not aligning with the former claims, and thus readers are innately forced to make a choice as to which to believe.....and more likely than not, they’re going to err on the side of substantiating whichever stance actually has more narrative support behind it, in any particular story.

See what I’m saying?

You need to make sure your story is ACTUALLY saying what you think you’re saying or you intended to say....or you end up undermining your own intentions.

Anyway. Just throwing that out there. 

[greenninjagal-blog]

Hi! Black Hole Group Chat is one of my favorite fics ever (and I have read a lot)! I was wondering if you had any tips for writing group chat fics? Have a good day!

Aw Thank you! BHGC was and is one of my favorite things to have ever written!

I do have a couple tips about writing using this format that I’ve picked up from writing this, reading comments on bhgc, and from reading other things like it but I’ll put them under a keep reading tab because they turned out longer than I though they would!

1. Decide before you start the story if you’re going to write everything in the chat format or if you are going to write out some of the scenes. In bhgc i stuck to just the chat format even when there were things I could have described more (the call in the second chapter? the call in the fourth? or the start of the ninth?) This distinction is important because it influences how the plot can be revealed. I could have very easily switched to Prose when Logan and Patton ran into each other in chapter seven to keep the focus on Logan, but instead I chose to focus on the chat where Virgil and Roman worked together and bonded a bit. I continually put together a story where I made a deliberate choice not to use prose so that by the climax my readers were accustomed to being able to read the actions and infliction of the words without needing detailed descriptions.

2. Figure out the reason why the group uses the chat. This is important because it helps develop the characters and their relationships with each other as well as how they interact. In my personal experience group chats built just for a single project in a class die after the project unless the participants learn something that bonds them together. In bhgc, Virgil’s muteness is his main reason to keep texting where as Logan’s anonymity is his reason to use the chat, even after he figures out who the other boys are.

3. Remember that people have lives outside of their phones. This is important in the frame of telling a story (as long as telling a story is the goal and its not just crack for fun)! People aren’t always on their phones! Things happen around them that influence them!! And they aren’t always going to read the the messages at the same time. This further helps you personalize your characters and makes them feel more real. (like in chapter two how Virgil and Logan have a whole conversation without Patton or Roman because the other two have decent sleep schedules. Or how in chapter five Patton misplaces his phone.) You can also weaponize this as I did in chapter eight when Patton and Logan were having their calm subdued conversation right before its revealed that Virgil and Roman are in the middle of a very emotionally charged one.

4. Foreshadow your backstories. Okay, 90% of the time when you are first getting to know someone, you aren’t going to tell them all your trauma and problems. You know that one John Mulaney quote, “I shall pepper in the fact that I’m gay”? Do that. Pepper in the idea that your characters have quirks and triggers without out right saying it. Did you notice in Bhgc that when Roman makes death jokes and Virgil and Patton both get tense and terse about it? How about the fact that Patton chose to study Psychology because he was trying to figure out why his mother always chose drugs over him? The entire book is made of conversation, and yet there is not a single thing said that is not important to the characters development-- not even the jokes. 

5. Everyone talks differently. have you ever been in a group chat with someone who uses a crap ton of emojis? Or maybe someone who still uses “XD” and “:)”? These are all things that are personal to each of us For the best writing experience, I would give each character a writing quirk that is all theirs so that without needing to read the usernames, readers can infer who’s speaking and how theyre feeling. In bhgc, Logan uses full sentences with punctuation and proper grammar-- which means that when he starts using clipped sentences, the readers know he’s getting emotional. Patton generally tries to uplift the conversation, regardless of whats going on. Virgil’s messages are designed to be dismissive or snarky. And Roman is the “leader” so he uses the most “I” centered messages and changes the subject when he doesn’t necessary want to talk about it anymore. Even Dee, for the short time that he’s there, copies Patton speech, but integrates subtle verbal attacks on the others every times he speaks.

Obviously these aren’t absolute for these characters-- I created these systems based on my understanding of the cannon characters and how I wanted it to reflect their backstory (Logan’s stiff wording and grammar alludes to the control nature of his parents and Virgil’s dismissive one’s suggest that he’s used to not being noticed unless he’s doing something wrong and Dee’s verbal attacks are a look directly into his motivations.)

So! That’s what I have overall there are a few more tricks that I’ve picked up: like decide on a plot, but don’t be afraid to deviate from it (as I l learned from when the Hot guy from the coffee shop became Logan, lol), and things that aren’t said can be just as important as those that are (Logan not apologizing to Roman and his constant attempts to leave the chat), but those are also lessons that I think are best taught when you figure them out yourself! The best advice I can give is read and write. 

Whatever story you are telling, someone out there is waiting to read it :D

[eldritch-elrics]

this summer, me and my brother watched four whole shows. at long last, here is my comprehensive review of all of them!

in the order we watched them, these shows were:

avatar the last airbender (ATLA)

mob psycho 100 (MP100)

demon slayer / kimetsu no yaiba (KNY)

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood (FMAB)

they were all very very good!

i’m not going to try to rank them, but, as is probably obvious by the state of my blog, my favorite was FMAB :) if i had to pick a least favorite, then, it would probably be KNY—not by any fault of its own, but just because it didn’t appeal to me quite as much as the others. still a very good show!

i will review each show by:

giving a quick plot-based pitch discussing the show’s hook or appeal

discussing one element that i believe it does better than any other show on this list—in other words, a quality that i think it stands out for

discussing one element that didn’t appeal to me or that i had issues with—a criticism

putting forth my favorite character and favorite episode or arc, just for funsies

including various other commentary. mostly positive, as, again, i did really like all of these!

(i’ve tried to make this whole thing free of specific spoilers, but if you’re planning on watching any of these shows and want to go in more-or-less blind, it might be best not to read this.)

first of all, i’d just like to discuss all four of these shows as a whole! it was definitely interesting watching one after another and noting similarities between them.

all of them have siblings in them! which is, perhaps, fitting, as i watched them with my brother

two include a pair of siblings in which one has powers and one doesn’t (at least at first), and part of the narrative involves getting better at using those powers (ATLA, MP100)

two include a narrative centered around a pair of siblings and something tragic that happens to them, resulting in the older one being traumatized and forced to train to become a soldier, and the younger one turning into something (arguably) inhuman. the protagonist’s major goal is to return his younger sibling to the way they were before (KNY, FMAB)

ATLA and FMAB are both fantasy political dramas, which is rapidly becoming a favorite genre of mine

most of these are historical, or historically inspired in some way, which is interesting!

all of these shows are really really good at character building. all the main characters are interesting and complex, and the relationships between those characters are similarly nuanced and very well written. they make you really care about both the protagonists and the side characters!

avatar: the last airbender

pitch: as the ever-growing imperial force of the fire nation threatens the earth and water nations, a kid from the long-lost air nation turns up and it turns out he can control all four elements and he has to save the world and all that. sorry i tried to write this pitch like five times and realized that well at this point i think everyone reading this will know the plot of avatar

stands out for: avatar has possibly the best worldbuilding i have ever seen in a show—it takes the time to introduce us to so many places and aspects of its world, both explicitly and subtly. the main highlight of this is the magic system. by creating a magic system based in body movement, the process of using magic and learning to use/control it better becomes immediately obvious to the viewer. combine that with the philosophy behind each type of bending and the way that characters take bending inspiration from types different than their own, and you’ve got a system that is complex, flexible, believable, internally consistent, and just plain fun! it makes action sequences a blast. i especially liked the moments when bending was stretched to its limits in totally logical ways (metalbending, bloodbending). not to mention the way that bending is seamlessly integrated into the world of avatar! the example that comes to mind is the earthbending-powered transport system of omashu. a whole essay could be written on that topic alone!

criticism: i know this is a sentiment shared by many people, but the first season was kind of boring to me. some of the humor and the plots felt hit-or-miss. of course, it needed to take that time to establish the world, and it does a great job of doing that. it just didn’t hook me until the second season.

favorite character: i love toph she’s so much fun :) iroh is a close second! and zuko is great, too, of course

favorite arc: i loved ba sing se a ton, especially the episode when they get there and everything feels off. it felt so resonant with real life, in a very fun way. there’s a reason “there is no war in ba sing se” is a meme…

other commentary: what can i say? it’s a classic for a damn good reason. the plot is tight, and it does a great job raising tension and introducing new elements and twists. i also love the care put into the antagonists, especially azula, who has a fascinating arc.

mob psycho 100

pitch: a middle schooler and a charismatic con artist team up to smite ghosts using extrasensory powers. thing is, only the middle schooler actually has ESP, and it happens to be really, really powerful. can he navigate the difficult world of middle school while also getting a better grip on his powers—and his bottled-up emotions?

stands out for: the way that MP100 uses animation is excellent. it takes a little getting used to but it’s just so fun, combining all sorts of different techniques to create an experience rich with drama and emotion. it’s playfully exaggerated and self-parodying, adding to the show’s fantastic sense of humor as well as its truly emotional moments.

criticism: the way that ESP works makes suspension of disbelief tricky. it’s a great feat to introduce a character who is essentially all-powerful and still make them interesting (even in fight scenes), but at times (especially the second season finale) it felt like a magic system with too much breadth and too few limitations. this might just be my bias for hard magic systems talking, though.

favorite character: other than mob and reigen? probably teru. he’s loads of fun AND all the season 1 episodes he’s in slap hard

favorite episode: the one where the girl asks mob out on a date as a dare.. it’s super cute

other commentary: thank you mp100 for being the leftist propaganda we all deserve <3

in all seriousness though, this show is a blast!! it does a great job switching between silly and serious in the blink of an eye. i also really appreciate the way that it balances comically huge stakes with much smaller, more personal stories. for example, the conflict between mob and reigen in season 2 is especially well-done. in general the emotions just feel so real? characters whose emotions tie into their powers are an excellent trope, and mob is a wonderful protagonist who exemplifies this really well.

finally, on a more critical note—there are so many characters in this show! and it feels like only a handful are fleshed out? however, this may be due to the fact that it’s not an adaptation of the entire manga (which i haven’t read). there’s a lot more to go! more characters to dive into! so i probably shouldn’t try to critique it in the same way as a finished work.

demon slayer / kimetsu no yaiba

pitch: demons kill a boy’s family and turn his sister into a demon, so he decides to try and figure out a way to turn his sister back into a human. what follows is a demon-killing adventure that’s in equal parts harrowing, poignant, and hilarious.

stands out for: there’s not much i can say about this other than “please just take a look” but the art and design is phenomenal. it does a much better job of integrating 2D and 3D than a lot of other animated series, and overall it is just so so pretty! all the character designs are complex, memorable, and fit the characters perfectly. the color choices are interesting and satisfying. i also really like the sound design? not often that i notice that in a show. i’ve watched so many KNY amvs by now lol it’s just amazing animation

criticism: the narration style leans too heavily towards tell instead of show. this is mostly an issue with the first few episodes, but i got super annoyed by how much the show would narrate every single one of tanjirou’s thoughts instead of letting us infer those thoughts through his actions and reactions—the latter, i think, would have been more emotionally impactful. sometimes silence speaks louder than words! tanjirou was also not the world’s most compelling protagonist in my opinion, though i think that mostly has to do with my own tastes.

favorite character: *holds up zenitsu* I Just Think He’s Neat. i actually kind of lost it when he first used his powers, like… damn i love characters with weird relationships with their magic like that. i also think the narrative about how having a solid foundation is sometimes more important than knowing a ton of different moves was really powerful. and he’s just funny! pathetic boy i love him

favorite arc: really just the whole spider arc. fucked up man… i love it. they pulled off that last twist so well, and all the family stuff was so weird and complex and emotional…

other commentary: it’s just a really solid and very well-written show! the team of tanjirou, zenitsu, and inosuke is so much fun… bro bonding :) i also quite like the horror elements; it’s fucked up but in a good way. finally, this is very specific, but the demon that can alter buildings/rooms through drumbeats? appealed to me very much. it’s a cool and unique power!

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood

pitch: two kids do some fucked up alchemy and end up getting parts of their body stolen by god. now they’re on a quest to get their bodies back, but find themselves wrapped up in crazy government conspiracies and alchemy more powerful than they ever could’ve imagined…

stands out for: plot. by this i mean less overall concept (though the overall concept is pretty great too), and more that the pacing and progression of the story is extraordinarily tight. for the most part (the first few episodes are a little weak but i’ll let it slide), it does an excellent job establishing its premise and building on it logically, adding layers and layers that extend naturally from what we already know. everything has a reason for happening; everything is revealed in good time and all the twists are super satisfying. there’s great balance between exciting moments and quiet moments. it’s just very good at being a story!

(fun fact: i’m reading the manga right now and so far it’s even better paced than the show, which is super interesting! it’s especially good at how it lays out pieces of the backstory and then fills everything in later in a really satisfying way.)

criticism: this is incredibly specific but it’s what comes to mind as something that bothered me: winry’s character arc was really disappointing. for most of the series she’s a pretty strong character, but in the end it feels like she gets pushed aside, defined only by her relationship with ed. what happened to her wanting to take action more? that was a specific desire she expressed—wanting to be less passive! since she’s such an important character, i wish she could have had more presence in the last season other than as a sounding board for the elric bros’ emotions. (even though her one scene in the last episode was really good and emotional…)

favorite character: other than the elric bros, absolutely ling. he fits into multiple of my favorite character archetypes (fun, silly, bastard, gets possessed…) and he’s just overall a delight. plus his relationship with greed is really really good. bro bonding at its peak!! (my other favorite is pride. i will not say why because spoilers. but if you know me.. you know)

favorite episode: this is really really hard to choose but i’m gonna go with envy’s death because. holy shit.

other commentary: i’m a really big fan of the complex and nuanced way in which FMAB breaks down militaristic, imperial regimes from the inside. many of the characters have done awful things, and the story forces them to grapple with that and accept that all they can do now is be better in the future. the moral complexity is just really good! characters with flaws—we love to see it!

finally, parts of this story seem so so catered to Me Specifically that it’s no wonder i got so into it. like just the entire premise? the way that so much of the conflict is built out of identity crisis and exploring the nature of consciousness and human vs inhuman? beautiful. i love ed and al so much

*

if you made it all the way to the end, thank you so much for reading!! glad to have finally gotten this done (3 months late…) and put all my thoughts down. i hope this inspires someone to try watching one of the shows i discussed!

[blizzweirdo]

What do you think of the other interactions/relationships Stukov has that we have seen?

I guess the “other” one was Gerard DuGalle… I want to talk about that one a little more though. I wasn’t really being serious about the “all the way” thing. Like, there’s an undercurrent there maybe, and I think that Stukov would be totally oblivious to it for the most part. 

The DuGalle/ Stukov friendship seems tenuous or unlikely unless it’s under a certain set of circumstances. I see Stukov as one of those “if you’re in his good graces, you stay there” sort of person, which is really the only way that friendship would have worked between them. Because DuGalle is a jerk. A huge jerk. He is a butt to literally everyone and even pushes Stukov around. People seem to think that my OC Adm. Reeves is horrible and too stupid to be real, but, I mean, DuGalle was almost as bad. 

I have a hard time picturing how the two of them would have met--especially if they’ve had a long-term friendship as their dialogue suggests. DuGalle is twelve years older than Stukov, so they didn’t go to school together, which is how most people who have long-lasting friendships meet. I kind of want to know the story there. It’s almost like they met at school but had a student/ teacher relationship (like a grad TA sort of thing either undergrad/ grad or grad/ professor) that persisted after graduation or something. That seems unlikely too though, because DuGalle supposedly has been in combat more, and would have had a command (and would have not been at an academy somewhere teaching). Are their families friends? Did they meet at chess club or something? Playing WoW or DnD (I say that because that’s how I’ve met all my older friends lol)? I have a hard time seeing their relationship work unless it wasn’t a friendship and more of a mentorship. It would explain why he lets him push him around even though he’s obviously the more capable of the two of them. On the other hand though, Stukov seems very comfortable taking a back seat to someone else (in the case of Kerrigan as well).

Kerrigan... I kind of ship that, TBH, enormous age gap notwithstanding. They’re zerg--does it really matter in the end? Kerrigan calls Stukov “twice the man” DuGalle is, and their lowkey banter on the leviathan is some of the best dialogue in the series. The “I am with you” conversation is also telling. I mean, she gives him this look at the end of it and there’s this pregnant few seconds... When I first watched it, I was like, “Um, are they going to bone right now? Is that... is that what’s about to happen?” And of course no. Because it’s SC. And because of Raynor. If Raynor had not been in the picture and Kerrigan had not ascended, I think something would have eventually happened because: 1. They get along, 2. They’re both unique zerg entities and who the heck else are they going to be with? 3. It’s looonely out in spaaaaaaace…

Fuck Duran. I mean, really. Stukov’s nice to him. Defends him even (he finally does get mad at him when he deserts him). DuGalle is shitty to him. Who does he kill? Stukov. Ass. I’ve always wondered what Stukov meant by “Experiments, torture, and worse,” because what could be worse than torture? Narud’s nightmarish mind games probably. He probably shapeshifted around Stukov into DuGalle, Duran, his family--anything to break him. And Stukov probably chalked it up to hallucinations and nightmares. When he says “Do you remember what you did to me?” and gives him the killing blow, it was probably putting behind him a lot more than torture.

Raynor and Stukov don’t really interact directly except when he is de-infested. His Heroes lines indicated that he’s mad at Raynor, and I can kind of see why. The dude “rescues” him (and he probably needed immediate medical attention after that because he was dead when he was infested so really he should have gone back to being dead and they would have to patch him up) and then doesn’t fucking check on him of years and basically forgets he exists, leading to him being tortured for fucking years. If they ever did meet again face-to-face, I’m pretty sure Stukov would have some strong words for him... And other than that, Raynor is kind of a poster boy for the cowboy-bullshit, redneck, backwater degenerates that the UED warned him about which would color his interactions with him (though he’d probably respect his creativity in battle). A confrontation between them would probably be Stukov angry, Raynor talking him down, and then a lot of drinking.

I’d talk about Valerian, but they don’t actually interact, and I have this compulsory thing where I make Valerian seem like a schmuck. It’s not canon, but it’s my reading of canon, and I’m not going to comment on them. The one thing I will say is that because of how the UED views the Koprulu sector’s colonies as backwater, I think he would think Valerian was pretty gauche. He wouldn’t recognize him as being “high society,” and would think he was playing at being royalty. He’d probably derisively call him “little prince” or something.

I dislike Valerian. I’m not a good source on how they would interact because I would throw furniture at him if I met him lol.

Stukov seems to respect the protoss but also to not have time for their yammering (I also do not have time for their yammering--this is another place where my feelings about a character/ faction probably color my response). For Stukov, I think that this is an artifact of the self-righteousness of the UED clashing with the self-righteousness of the protoss. He also seems non-plussed by their technology, which seems to point to him having studied them as well as the zerg before coming to the Koprulu sector. His knowledge of their tactics would explain his confidence. Stukov realizes their usefulness, but I think he would want to tell them to put their money where their mouths are(n’t) when they prattle on too much.

Morales... She doesn’t want to be anywhere near him, and what medic would? He’s a walking incurable virus--that she has pissed off. Stukov didn’t want to be de-infested in his first infested form, but he seems to be over that now, making jokes about them both being traitors. But she clearly wants nothing to do with him. She’s seen infestation, and she can also see how cruel the UED can be. Morales wants nothing to do with either of those things.

There are some interactions that we haven’t seen but have to have happened that I could comment on...

Izsha, for instance. It’s inferred that Kerrigan is kind of awful to her in her first incarnation. I don’t think that Stukov would be like that and their interactions would be completely different. I kind of think he would treat her like a child, and that she would kind of soak up that kind of affection since there’s some evidence she is based on a human. However, this may be somewhat subconscious on my part because to me her name sounds like a diminutive.

Dehaka doesn’t really interact with Stukov even though they stand right across from one another for a lot of the game. I don’t think Dehaka would want anything more than to crack him open like a bottle of beer and drink his essence--and he’d probably think it’d be that easy. It wouldn’t be.

Stukov and Zagara would have a very professional seeming relationship, I think. Zagara would probably be afraid that one day Stukov would decide he was going to take over and try to wrest power away from her. I think he would keep him at a distance.

Abathur and Stukov would get along... but not. I think Abathur would be fascinated by him but in the back of his mind would want to take him apart to see how he worked... (this is based on his response to Kerrigan about how Stukov is “spun on a micro level not possible for the zerg”). And if he was ever incapacitated around him and there was no one else to intervene, I think he’d start experimenting on him--which of course would be a hard no for Stukov. He’s had enough of that, thank you. But on the other hand, as someone who has worked in a lab developing weapons and doing research, having someone like Abathur around who can just whip up a new organism would be fascinating to him. It would be a volatile partnership where at times Stukov would be the experiment and other times the experimenter, and one where neither party completely trusted the other.

If I’ve missed anything, or this isn’t what you had in mind, please let me know. Thanks for the ask!

[disparx]

Binding and posture

Everyone talks about binding and rib damage, and that’s really important. But no one talks about binding and shoulder blades.

Now disclaimer I’m not an expert on anything whatsoever, not even close but this is my thinking based on my own experience and inference.

Consider this: you’re a pre-op transmasculine person with bad posture, like most people who bind. Your shoulders roll forward and hunch to conceal your chest. I mean no judgment, this is just how it is to have chest dysphoria.

Some facts about shoulders: when your shoulders are rolled forward, your shoulder blades wing out. When your chest is out and your shoulders are back, your shoulder blades retract. Try it right now in the mirror with just your binder on.

Imma tell you from experience that having your shoulder blades in that winged out position all the time is really not good for them. Some of your tendons lengthen, others shorten, and that starts to be your normal position, and it’s a bitch to put them back.

Now consider this: you’re wearing a binder for 8 hours a day with your shoulders in this position. Your binder is squeezing your shoulder blades, essentially pressing them further into this unhealthy position. Basically what I’m saying is, while everyone can get fucked from having bad posture, people who bind are gonna get fucked a lot more easily than other people.

So to people who bind: try to have as good posture as you can handle, ESPECIALLY when you’re binding.

Listen I’m not here to preach. I know it’s incredibly hard and psychologically taxing to have good posture when you’re trying desperately to hide your chest, and if I could go back and make myself try harder, I don’t know that I would. I just want people to have the information.

So here are some tips for good posture that not everyone knows:

Let’s start basic. Chest out, shoulders back and down. Pretend you’re fucking proud of your chest, or at least not as ashamed of it as you feel.

Traps should be relaxed, no shrugging.

Core slightly engaged, breathing without shrugging.

Glutes a lil engaged, but don’t go too hard lol.

Now things start to get a little weird. Stand up normally with your hands at your sides, and look at your thumbs. Little shits are pointing at each other aren’t they. Ideally, they should be pointing forward. Fucking wild, I know. 

Don’t just twist your wrists and say “look they’re pointing forward I fixed it!” It needs to come from your shoulders and lats. This is fucking hard to do. Focus on improvement rather than an immediate 100% fix.

Lats engaged. That’s the muscle that you would use if you tried to bring your elbows together through your body. Engaging your lats will pretty much instantly turn your thumbs out somewhat.

Try this: push on the front of your shoulder using your opposite-hand fingers, and let your shoulder go with the push. Then try to keep it there. (It might crack. That’s ok as long as it doesn’t hurt.)

Look at your shoulders in the mirror. Are they level? Try to make them level.

If a lot of this shit is really hard for you, you might just have really tight muscles in your upper torso. Get a massage if you can afford it, or look up ways to massage yourself.

Some of this stuff varies from person to person but I think these are good as general rules? If someone more knowledgeable about literally anything wants to add to this, please do. I’m pretty much just regurgitating what my trainer tells me, but also he thinks I’m a cis guy and has no idea how I fucked myself up so bad lol.

tl;dr: People who bind are at a greater risk of bad posture related injuries. I know it’s hard but try to have good posture when you bind. Read the bullets for good posture tips.

[get-trekt]

Here’s why I don’t like Lorca, in a neat little text

Just a disclaimer before I begin: I’m not saying you can’t like Lorca. If you do, I don’t give a shit, knock yourself out. I’m just clearing things up because I get asked this a lot, and I’m a bit tired of people telling me I should like Lorca because he’s a “poor poor guy”. Again, if you like him, I don’t give a damn. Have fun. Just don’t ask me to do the same.

Now on to the actual thing.

We are introduced to Lorca few episodes into the show. He is presented as a stern captain with no time for bullshit. That is very understandable considering the Discovery has become a war vessel. the fact that he is very strict and does not tolerate failure is not the problem.

The issue with Lorca comes with how ruthless and cruel he is. There is no other way of describing it. First, let's talk about Kat. Lorca and the admiral are inferred to have been in a relationship before, and they end up getting intimate. Kat questions Lorca about his feelings and eventually discovers how Lorca has been covering up his PTSD. Knowing he is no longer fit for duty, Kat says that she will get the ship off his hands. After Lorca gets treatment, he can PERHAPS get back in the chair.

On the first chance he gets, Lorca sends Kat off on an away mission, where he knows she is bound to encounter great risks. When he receives the news that she's been captured, he does not even flinch. You can argue that that is the way he deals with everything, being very complacent + that's his PTSD + he has endured great loss in the past, meaning that he doesn't give death the weight he did before. That's a valid opinion, But one I disagree with.

He knew Kat had the power to strip him off his rank and take the ship off his hands. He described the Discovery as "the only thing I have". The Disco means a lot to him. Something he wouldn't give up, and if Kat had to go so as to keep the Disco under his command, so be it. I'm sorry, but if you really think Kat went willingly (they don't show her volunteering, Lorca assigned her the mission) and was fully aware of what the mission entailed (Read as, If she was briefed on the potential risks that Lorca knew were involved) you're just in denial. "She is an admiral, she knew that there was a high degree of risk". Perhaps. But as a captain, it was HIS duty to tell her that he felt the risk was too much. Lorca knew it was going to get awry, and he didn't voice that ONCE. This isn't my over-analyzing-trekkie self speaking. This is the opinion of a good amount of casual fans I have debated with. Now on to his PTSD. Listen to me, I am incredibly grateful that STDisco touches on mental health and has a fair share of non neurotypical characters. I really, really am. But Lorca's PTSD does. not. excuse. him. People deal with mental illnesses in different ways, it would be unfair to point fingers and say that Lorca should act like a specific character. However, his actions can't be excused by his illness. Besides, Lorca is hardly the only person dealing with PTSD on the show. And before you lot say Lorca is the only one who's been covering his illness, Ash Tyler is literally RIGHT THERE. The script specifically mentions how Ash appeared too grounded for someone who had undergone 7 months of torture. Michael watched her mentor die in front of her eyes, is blamed for causing a war with thousands of casualties and works at the Discovery knowing she's bound to go to jail when her time is up. Paul is an eugenics experiment who had to see the deformed corpse of one of his only friends and carry on a mission. Saru's entire existence is based on how he is biologically designed around the concept of being hunted. Lorca does not get a pass. Now on to one point that I consider crucial: Lorca is manipulative lol. Michael quickly realizes this in the first few episodes when Lorca tries to convince her to join the crew. One specific instance which I consider cunning enough, is how Lorca absolutely disregarded Paul's free will and psychologically bullied him into continuing aboard the Discovery. Episode 4, hundreds of humans on a space colony are stranded and bound to death because of a Klingon attack. Paul, who had joined the Discovery because of its scientific research purposes, now sees his entire life project suddenly turned into a weapon. Obviously not happy with that, Paul says he wants out. Lorca plays the audio of the inhabitants of the colony dying, ship wide.

I've read that that was Lorca's way of "motivating" Paul. My ASS. That's psychological abuse. And you don't get to protect Lorca for his mental illness while completely erasing the shit he pulls off. "But they had no other option!" Let me phrase this better. Paul says he wants out because of his morals. Lorca not for once hints on making everyone else think of a workaround or a different solution. There's no meeting. While Lorca continuously forces the crew to find workarounds for a handful of situations so that his plans keep moving  ("Is the Discovery ready to jump?" says a superior officer, to which Lorca replies: "Yes" > Lorca goes to Paul, who says "There's no way we are ready to jump". Lorca looks unfazed and tells him "find a way"). Yeah, if its of his own interest, others can find a way. Since it comes to Paul, who gives a shit right? Besides, it's toooooootally not manipulation, making Paul think he's the only cause of all those deaths. Like he hadn't just seen Straal die. Fuck off. Paul eventually complies and thus ends up becoming an eugenics experiment. From then onwards he is the one who suffers the toll of the spore jumps, and Lorca clearly doesn't give a flying fuck. (Hugh: "I'm not playing roulette with his brain" Lorca: "Duly noted. Stamets follow me"). Now I swear, if anyone knocks on my door and says that Paul did that willingly I'm going to have a fit. Yeah sure, Lorca totally didn't bait Paul with the whole "Science is cool!" babble. Lorca, who didn't give a FUCK about Paul's love for science. Lorca, who was aware of the risks involved when forcing Paul to make over a hundred jumps. He manipulated Paul. But I bet some folks will say that Paul brought that upon himself because Lorca is just a poor thing :) I'm not saying people can't relate to Lorca or his illness. That's why representation is important. Fandoms are supposed to be fun and if Lorca is your fave then by all means feel free to indulge yourself. But don't come at me saying Lorca is a poor poor thing who is only ! trying ! to ! do ! the right ! thing ! when in the process of "doing right" he is shitting on everyone else. He's not "morally gray". He's an ass.

[getoffthesoapbox]

Hello! Many questions anon again! You turned off your anon questions before I could send another message lol. I hope you don't mind but I'm back with more questions. So I saw one of your asks about Zero being almost too accepting of Ai, and I was just wondering how much of a role Zero really played in Ai's life? What I mean is, after Zero is attacked and Yuuki warns the vampires to leave him alone, she says that they stopped seeing each other and only met at the bench. (1)

(2) And this was whilst Ai was maybe 4 years old? And then by the time she’s about 8, she says that Zero doesn’t come round the house a lot and she stops seeing him as a father and starts seeing him in a romantic light? I guess what I’m trying to ask here is, how much did Zero really raise Ai? Because I’m not sure he was there much, and it feels like a lot of the fandom try to paint him as the perfect step father just to make it seem like he was 100% okay with Yuuki having a child with Kaname?

Welcome back, my friend! Sorry for turning my askbox off for a bit–I was getting a little tired of passive aggressive hate asks, so I thought a cool down period would be good for everyone’s collective mental health. ;) 

As for your question, my personal take on the story is that Zero seems to be fairly seriously involved with Ai’s life up until she’s around five years old. We can tell this based on inference from several small scenes: 

Zero’s close enough to the family to be drinking from Yuuki in Ai’s bedroom in VKM 2, not something uncles/friends do

Ai is comfortable and close enough to him to insist he’s her dad (rather than than something more distant, say, an uncle or brother) despite Zero correcting her in VKM 2 

Ai “ships” Zero and her mother together in her diary entry in VKM 3 and she writes diaries to him period which indicate serious closeness (she tells him things she doesn’t tell her mother too, as we see from her leaking the story of Yuuki’s underwear in VKM 3)

Zero is the only character we ever see actually playing with Ai (VKM 5), a prime feature of father figures–this would be different if we saw, say, Aidou playing with her or Takuma (uncle figures), but only Zero gets this privilege

Ai is excited to move in VKM 6 because she’ll be near Zero’s work 

It bothers Ai when Zero stops coming around as often as he did formerly (which indicates there’s a serious difference between his current visits and his previous ones)

Even after Yuuki “benches” their relationship, Zero is still involved enough in the family life to be driving Yuuki and Ai to balls and back (VKM 7) and to be taking Ai to visit Yori and Aidou on Yuuki’s behalf (VKM 8). So despite his presence in Ai’s life diminishing slightly, clearly he was still involved enough to be an important factor if her life. Her feelings don’t shift for him until she encounters “other men” at the ball in VKM 8 (and Zero being “safe” with no sexual interest in her–unlike the other young men perhaps–and not “claimed” by her mother becomes attractive to a young girl just hitting vampiric puberty). 

In short, I believe Zero was very involved in Ai’s life as a parental figure in all ways but in name up until VKM 6. After VKM 6, he’s still a parental figure, but it’s more like a divorce scenario–he only gets “custody” of Ai under “approved” circumstances. That doesn’t change the fact that for most of Ai’s early life he was basically a live-in boyfriend who helped raise her (VKM 2 implies he was part of the typical bed-time routine). 

Obviously how much he was involved is speculative at best, but given that he’s Yuuki’s main source of blood throughout her pregnancy and also afterward, and given that he and Yuuki seem closer during Ai’s early years on a romantic level (Zero openly speaks to Yuuki about love in VKM 2, but stops talking about it by VKM 9), it’s likely he was fairly seriously involved with Ai’s growing up years–if not, it makes no sense why she would call him “Dad” rather than “Uncle/Zero.” 

To give you an example, I was heavily involved in helping to raise my friend’s child, my soul-niece. However, my soul-niece has never once “confused” me with her real mother–I am her auntie and have always been her auntie. Children, especially children like Ai, are too smart and perceptive to make mistakes like calling an uncle figure “dad.” The fact that Ai wanted to call Zero “dad” implies he held that role in her life, even if Yuuki and Zero themselves wouldn’t acknowledge it at the time.

I personally do think Zero was a perfect step-father to Ai especially given the circumstances, and that he is the very reason she grew up as stable and functional as she is (her inbred genetics certainly didn’t contribute to that). I don’t think Yuuki’s worth beans as a mother, especially not for a precocious and intelligent child like Ai, and so I would never take away the role Zero played in Ai’s life, despite her ridiculous parentage. Zero certainly loves her too, as we can see from his response to her touching his face in Yuuki’s memory from VKM 10–even if his feelings are complicated, I think his love for Ai is real (otherwise why would he plan a world for her in VKM 8′s forge memory, rather than for Yuuki?). 

It’s quite possible given how little we know from the time period between VKM 9′s teething scene and VKM 9′s confession scene 50-some-odd years later that Zero’s feelings as a parental figure toward Ai may cool the longer Yuuki refuses to acknowledge his role in her life and Ai’s, and this might be contributing to the idea that he wasn’t much of a stepfather–a distance grows between him and Ai once she confesses her love in VKM 8, and then Zero hardly talks to Ai at all in the chapters from the later years like VKM 3 and VKM 9. I suspect some of that is due to Zero trying to be respectful of Ai’s feelings, and some of it is due to Ai trying to keep herself in check, and some of it is due to Yuuki trying to separate Zero and Ai because of Ai’s feelings, but none of that has any bearing on the fact that up until she was 8, Ai held Zero as a father figure and for all intents and purpose he was her father figure. 

Long story short, I feel like Zero’s experience regarding Ai is more nuanced than the story lets on and than fans admit. He has a real parental relationship with her that’s complicated by a.) Yuuki’s refusal to allow him to take his proper place in the family, b.) the source of Ai’s existence (Night 89), and c.) Ai’s own feelings changing to a romantic focus thanks to the confusion Yuuki’s created by not clarifying his role in Ai’s life, all of which contribute to making his situation more of a quagmire than it might otherwise have been. 

These are just my thoughts on the matter, though. =) Obviously since we aren’t shown every day of their lives, we can’t know how much or how little Zero was involved. We can only go by context clues. =)

I hope that addresses your question…I feel like I went off on a tangent. XD If I didn’t, feel free to clarify your thoughts. =)

[4nimenut]

do you have any tips on compositions? your compositions in your pieces are so good!!!

Anonymously or not, ask me something you’ve always wondered.

thank you for the ask! (/ω＼) i’m flattered omg thank you ;v; !

i actually answered a similar question here can you believe it’s been two years already LOL but because it’s been a long time, i’ll try to answer this ask a little differently! also because i took a second look at how i answered two years ago and i… honestly was questioning myself afterwards LOL

and honestly i didnt exactly stick to whatever i preached HAHA sweATS

i’m not the best at explaining things but i’ll do my best!

this is my own personal method of how i usually do things so you don’t exactly have to follow this word for word! it’s really just an explanation of how i see things www….ヾ(・∀・；)

generally none of my methods when planning for a composition hasn’t exactly changed much from what i mentioned two years ago, but i think i’ve learnt a thing or two as well over the years; i hope it shows in my recent art as compared to older art! ;w;

to start the ball rolling, we could start on arrangement! ;0

here’s a visual representation of the differences between the visual space of a landscape and portrait orientation (・ω

i,,, usually go for a landscape orientation for the expansive feeling,, there’s also more room for feels to penetrate the visual space,,, or at least that’s my excuse anyway LOL

a landscape orientation emphasises greatly on a horizontal line of action in your works as well, and if you want to think deeper about it, a horizontal line could generally mean stability, a balance of sorts, peace and harmony, even? you could usually use it to express a sense of tranquility, wideness, etc..  

in a sense, there’s no alteration of gravity, everyone’s sitting / standing up straight, etc… 

as shown below there’s some ways you could create a horizontal line of action…. actually does this even make sense OTL it’s really there just to show the general flow of things

tl;dr i usually use a landscape orientation + horizontal line of action as my starting base whenever i want to create something with feels (∩´∀｀)∩ imagine the amount of expansiveness your feels can tap upon and make your heart ache more ASDFGDFGH

here we can compare the effects of a landscape and portrait orientation (though it might not be a fair comparison LOL)

as you can see, while the portrait orientation does provide a sense of closeness between both of them, the landscape orientation creates a greater sense of openness and greater balance… or is it just me LOL as compared to the tightness in the portrait version. it works too but i would prefer zooming them out even more to provide a greater sense of openness,,, or perhaps this is more of personal preferences hnngh //w//

usually i’d use a portrait orientation + a vertical line of action to show tension! because of the greater constraint in space as compared to a landscape orientation, you’d tend to feel a greater sense of entrapment, and that’s usually what i hope to tap upon when i want to create intense situations ;w; 

or otherwise i just use portrait orientations for zine pieces because i’m too tired to do a spread page so i just try to come up with something LOL

but wait! sometimes when you stick to just a horizontal / vertical arrangement of things in general it can get… very boring because of how strictly horizontal / vertical it is LOL ;;;;SWEATS 

so here’s my favourite part of this entire post (LOL); the diagonal line of actiooooonnnnn∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

compared to a horizontal line where equilibrium is largely established, a diagonal line expresses a sense of unstability, and the need for movement — in otherwords more dynamic! 

tilting your points of view can also provide you with interesting compositions as well because it doesn’t follow the dead equilibrium norm that horizontal / vertical lines usually set and creates a greater sense of action going on in the picture *w*

psst also, when you take on a more diagonal approach, you can fit in more things in the background LOL since usually a diagonal approach takes up the diagonal length of your canvas, leaving more room for… more dynamic stuff AAAAAAAA—

sooo here we can take a look at what usually happens when you tilt your things LOL

taking on a horizontal approach, this halloween skk piece becomes full blown complete angst instead of being simply lowkey angst in the original post why did i not do that when i was working on it LOL while the more diagonal orientation makes everything look as though there’s something more to it instead of simply dynamic movement — it’s as though there’s this force driving a story — or maybe it’s just me overexplaining things.

also i totally didn’t do it to aggravate the height differences between the both of them. nope. not at all.

to put it in a quick summary:

horizontal approach is usually for the harmony / feels / angst / kill me pls

portrait approach is usually for tension

diagonal approach is usually for more dynamic / action / it usually draws more attention towards the piece

or usually i really just yolo and whack and hope it gives people feels

i believe there’s some examples from two years ago about how detailed i can get when coming up with the composition of a piece, but i’ll briefly touch on it again, and with more detail —

when it comes to what to include in your background and how to eventually draw out your piece, you might want to try consider the following:

what kind of setting do you want it to be? and in turn, atmosphere?

what kind of ideas / central theme(s) do you want your piece to reflect?

is your piece inspired by a certain object / item / concept?

for example, in my PM Week Day 1 submission where the theme i chose was Then and Now, i thought that if i was going to do something about soukoku, then i wanted to create a sense of nostalgia, especially the ridiculous banter that they shared four years ago, and are still sharing right now in the canon timeline. the world that they live in remained relatively unchanged, so i settled for the Yokohama cityscape.

the direct reflection of both of them on the wet surface of the floor reflects how both of them are still the same even after four years, even though Dazai may have switched sides. i chose to keep ADA obscured from view instead of PM Dazai because the idea of Dazai back then has already come to pass and set into stone, and is something that will never change, but the current Dazai may have changed, and that’s why i thought it might be better to leave it to the viewer’s inference on the extent of Dazai’s change, physically and emotionally. he might be showing more emotion on his face right now, but we won’t know because it’s hidden from view, but it’s up to you to determine if he really has changed,,, wink,,,

… or so goes my thought processes about this piece, anyway, ww..

usually when it comes to drawing fanart based on fanfics which i do like 99% of the time, i like to consider any other possible objects involved in that one particular scene / just the overall fic in general and try to make a reference to them somehow in the fanart, and determine the mood from there.

for example, in my Muse (chapter 21) fanart where Akira finally kisses Yusuke in the jellyfish tank, i imagined that one moment to be a rather magical moment, especially since the story is told from Yusuke’s point of view, who views the world in a slightly different manner than the rest, hence i was aiming for the magical, ethereal feeling through the jellyfish; as though they’re wisps of spirits circling around the both of them ;w; the fanart is actually viewed from the inside of the jellyfish tank, but because i chose not to make the distinction of the glass / hard plastic surface of the tank, it feels as though the jellyfish that glows in different colours are actually in the scene with them and lighting everything up ///w///

… or that’s how i hope it goes anyway LOL i feel like i’m just rambling about my own artistic thoughts HAHA.

though, these thinking processes mainly come from my own experience from having taken literature and having to analyse things and stuff, so i hope this entire post provides some insight on how i usually put together my compositions and the like ^q^!!

again, you don’t have to take this word for word, but i hope it’s able to provide you with a better insight on how i do my art—! ;w;

and remember to have fun!! (*´ω｀*)