#based on how my parents described it I was practically completely blind before I started patching/wearing glasses

[tiktaaliker]

fun tiktaaliker fact of the day my eyesight is soooooooo shitty.

I have amblyopia (ie a lazy eye) that was fucking ABYSMAL when I was really young to the point where I, apparently, had to feel my way down stairs because. I couldn't see them. I had to wear an eye patch over my right eye for a few years to force my brain to actually USE my left eye and it helped but. not much. so most of the vision in my left eye is filtered out by my brain and I functionally have monocular vision. this has interesting effects on my life such as making it impossible to play any sort of sport that involves throwing/catching/etc, makes driving a lot more complicated, and makes it impossible for me to watch 3D movies

[imaginetonyandbucky]

The Buy In

Chapter 7: Just One Night

by @dracusfyre

Bucky waited nervously for Tony to show up, forcing himself not to pace but unable to stop tapping his fingers against his knee as he sat on the couch and ignored the show he’d put on the television. In the past few hours he’d come to terms with the difficult realization that he was going to have to go to his handlers and recuse himself from this assignment. Having already made the decision to protect Tony from the raid, he couldn’t trust himself to not tamper with the investigation further, which would violate everything he believed in. Removing himself would set the investigation back for months, maybe even longer – which he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about – but he couldn’t go through the motions for a mission he didn’t believe in. That was the whole reason he’d gotten out of the Army all those years ago. He knew he’d probably get busted down to traffic cop for his trouble, but it was the right thing to do.

All of which meant that Bucky had given himself permission to not be on duty during this dinner – he wasn’t going to try to glean more information about Tony’s operations or ask any probing questions so he couldn't make the conflict of interest any worse. Instead, Bucky could be nervous about the real matter at hand, which was that he was about to go on a date with a guy that Bucky liked way more than he should.

Not that it could go anywhere, Bucky told himself. He was still a cop, and Tony was still a crime lord, and he’d been lying to the man for months now. In any event, once he recused himself from the case, he would have to disappear from Stark’s life and reach completely; if he was being honest with himself, the smartest thing to do for his career would be to start looking for a new position outside of New York City right now, but he shied away from that thought for reasons he didn't want to think about too deeply.

But all of that was for future Bucky to worry about. For now, he was about to go out to dinner with a man who had been a runner up in People Magazine’s Sexiest Man of the Year contest multiple years in a row and who still made it onto the list of New York’s most eligible bachelors despite his “alleged” criminal ties. A man who liked chocolate chip cookies and fed bits of chicken to stray cats when he thought no one was looking.

Bucky blew out a breath and realized that he hadn’t brushed his teeth, so he got up and was headed for the bathroom when the buzz of his phone against the coffee table made him jump.

Here! The message came from an unknown number, but it had to be Tony. Bucky quickly swished some mouthwash and grabbed his wallet as he stepped into his shoes.

As soon as he got into the car he realized he had been so busy having a third-of-life crisis that he hadn’t even thought about where to go for dinner. “Hey,” he managed, feeling all of the excruciating awkwardness of a first date. Tony was dressed a lot like he had been earlier, with a suit coat over a plain shirt, but tonight it was black on black with a gleam of silver at Tony’s wrist. Bucky did his best not to stare but judging from the way the corner of Tony’s mouth was curling up, he probably failed.

“Hey, yourself, Blue Eyes,” Tony said. He gave Bucky an appreciative glance, lingering on his freshly shaven face, before he pulled away from the curb, which went a long way towards making Bucky feel less awkward. “You like Italian?”

“What’s not to like?” Bucky said philosophically.

“Good man,” Tony said. “My mother was Italian, so when I say this place has the best Italian food in the city, I know what I’m talking about." The drive went by quickly despite city traffic; Bucky asked about his mother’s family and in return got a ton of entertaining stories about Tony’s summers on his mother’s estate, including getting locked outside naked when a girl’s parents came home unexpectedly early. Soon enough they drove past a restaurant with people waiting outside, and Tony pulled around into the alley behind the restaurant that had at least four NO PARKING signs posted with a varying number of exclamation points and underlining. When Tony saw Bucky looking at one, he shrugged. “I don’t count,” he said, which Bucky could believe. They went in the back door of the restaurant and were immediately greeted by a smiling waiter, who escorted them to a private room where a table was set for two. The table was dwarfed by the space; this was clearly a room meant for a wedding or birthday party, but Tony must have reserved it just for them. The waiter took their drink orders (“Your usual, Mr. Stark?”) and as he left pulled a heavy curtain across the entrance to the room and the noise of the rest from the restaurant was muted. The lighting in the room was dim, the table was small, and the intimate feeling was exacerbated by the candle on the table.

Bucky started to say something about it, then realized he probably shouldn’t call attention to how romantic everything looked for the sake of his own sanity. He grabbed his menu and studied it, aware that Tony, having probably already memorized the menu, was studying him from across the table. “Are you going to judge me based on what I order?” he asked, meeting Tony’s eyes from over the top of the menu.

“Yes.”

“So it’s a test.” Bucky narrowed his eyes at Tony, as if trying to read his thoughts. After a moment, he folded his menu. “What do you recommend?”

Tony’s smile was blinding. “The eggplant rollatini with the tartufo for dessert.”

“Sounds delicious.” The waiter came back for their orders, bringing with him a bottle of wine that was so old its label was brittle and peeling away from the glass. He poured Tony a small amount, who tasted it and gave his approval, and then poured them both glasses. Bucky promised himself he would stop at the one glass – getting drunk tonight would be so stupid – but after he tasted the wine his conviction wavered. Whatever type of wine this was, even Bucky could taste that it was the Ferrari of booze. How often was he going to be wined and dined like this, after all? A bottle had what, like two glasses of wine apiece? He would be fine.

“So,” Tony said after the waiter left, crossing his arms and resting his elbows on the table. His eyes glinted with amusement. “Let’s talk about your five-year plan.”

Trying to smother a smile, Bucky crossed his arms as well. “Let’s talk about where you think your organization is going to be in five years, and I can tell you how I think I’ll fit into that plan.”

“Uh-huh,” Tony said skeptically. Then he sat up straight, cleared his throat and became what Bucky could only call Corporate Tony, face serious and tone strictly professional. “Well, I think this organization is best described as embarking on a period of rapid expansion while simultaneously consolidating the gains that we’ve made in the past few years. In many of our key industries we are working on horizontal and vertical integration in order to capitalize on economies of scale. Proceeds are invested back into the capital base and workforce, with the remainder being banked against future shortfalls. At the most recent shareholder meeting, members voted to waive the first quarter’s dividends in order to acquire assets for novel business ventures, putting us in a strong position for next year despite moderate economic headwinds.”

As Tony spoke, Bucky’s eyebrows climbed higher and higher. “Impressive,” he said. “You came up with that on the fly?”

“Well, I’ve been spinning bullshit to board members since I was old enough to vote, so I’ve had a lot of practice,” Tony said dryly, taking a sip of wine.

“Do you really have shareholders?”

“Yep. So many shareholders, for so many different businesses.”

“Is that-” Bucky was about to ask if the shareholder thing was related to the mysterious buy-in, but he reminded himself that he wasn’t working tonight. “Never mind. Well, the truth is, I don’t know where I’ll be in five years. The past few months have made me rethink a lot of things, and I’m trying to figure out my next step.”

“Oh?” Tony leaned forward again, gaze intent. “Want to talk about it?”

Bucky had self-preservation enough to know that talking about his crisis of conscience with the reason for that crisis was a bad idea. “Not just yet,” Bucky said. “I think…I think I need to figure out what I want, first.”

“Yeah, that’s usually a good first step.” Tony opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but he closed it and took a sip of wine. “What would you like to talk about instead?”

The conversation paused as the server brought out an appetizer (“Courtesy of the Chef, he’s trying a new recipe”), the service amazingly fast given the crowd that Bucky knew was on the other side of the curtain. Guess that was one of the perks of dining with the Tony Stark.

“Do you still have time to invent?” Bucky asked when they were alone again, scooping some of the appetizer onto his plate. Looked like calamari. “Like robots and stuff?”

Bucky could tell that he’d caught Tony by surprise with the question. “Someone’s been looking me up on the internet,” Tony accused with a smile, pointing his fork at Bucky.

If Bucky was a lesser man, he would have blushed – googling Tony Stark on his phone before going to sleep had become a guilty habit, from the early articles about him when his parents were alive to his college exploits to the frequent scandals of his twenties. Between all those, however, were periodic articles in scholarly journals attributed to “T.E. Stark” and more substantial think pieces in popular science magazines. “I like knowing who I’m working for,” Bucky said defensively, feeling the back of his neck get hot.

“Uh-huh. I do still tinker in my spare time, what I have of it,” Tony said. “Right now I’m working mostly in artificial intelligence. I have one, his name is JARVIS, that I’ve been tinkering with since college. I think machine learning algorithms are fascinating.”

“I read up about some AI initiatives when I was in the Army,” Bucky said. “For targeting and whatnot.” He had read even more about it once he became a cop, and he wasn’t at all enthused with the projects he’d heard about. “What do you do with it? Him,” he corrected.

“JARVIS helps me with work,” Tony said vaguely, fidgeting with his silverware before spearing a piece of calamari. “I got into AI when Stark Industries got awarded a cybersecurity contract. I kind of ran with it after we fulfilled the contract and JARVIS was the result."

Bucky almost dropped his fork when he got hit with a startling suspicion. Helps me with work. Was Tony’s mysterious accountant, that no one had ever seen or spoken to, that was able to hide his money from every regulatory body in the US government, an AI? The implications were staggering, not just for the case but for the tech industry as a whole. Bucky covered for his stunned silence by eating, washing down the food he was barely tasting with expensive wine. The irony was not lost on him that he just had the biggest scoop of the operation so far, hours after he’d decided that he was quitting the case.

“So how about you? What do you do in your free time?” Tony asked, topping off their glasses.

Bucky stared at him across the table, brain blanking. It took so long for his brain to shift gears from thinking about JARVIS to trying to think of what he did in his spare time that Tony started to give him a funny look. “Uh, nothing special,” Bucky said after a minute. Googling his boss certainly wasn’t a hobby, after all. “After spending so much time in military cafeterias, I’ve been trying to get better at cooking. I work out, it’s a good release. Read. Visit museums when I can. One of my friends is trying to get me into indy games, but we can't play often.”

“That sounds nice. Gotta maintain that work-life balance, right?” Tony said. “Smart.” There was a soft chime and Tony pulled his phone out of his pocket. Bucky tensed; he’d forgotten about the raid until he saw Tony’s phone, having turned off his own ringer so that his notifications wouldn’t drive him crazy. He watched Tony’s face warily, wondering if the chime was related to the raid. Surely there would be a phone call, though? From his lawyer, or his security at the garage? But whatever the notification was, Tony just scanned it briefly and put his phone back in his pocket. “Sorry,” he apologized. “The boss is always on the job.”

“It’s fine,” Bucky said, smiling faintly, but the rhythm of the evening had been thrown off; thankfully their food came out and Tony got them back on track by asking about Bucky’s time in the Army, which got him on a roll of telling funny stories about the stupid things he’d seen as a sergeant. Turns out Rhodes, Tony’s right hand man, had been in the Air Force and Tony threatened to get him on the phone to defend himself against Bucky’s digs against the “chair force.” Before he knew it, dessert had come and gone, the bottle of wine was empty and their glasses had been replaced with tiny cups of espresso.  The sound on the other side of the curtain to the rest of the restaurant had died down considerably, and the check had been dropped off so subtly that Bucky hadn’t even noticed it until Tony picked it up and put a healthy stack of bills in it.

“Want to go for a walk?” Bucky said impulsively, not quite ready for the date that shouldn’t be a date to end.

“Can’t,” Tony said regretfully. “No long walks for me anymore, not in the city at least.”

“Right.” Given the number of enemies Tony had, it was risky enough for him to be out without more protection than just Bucky without parading himself up and down sidewalks. “Guess its time to go home, then.”

“I could take you home, yes.” Tony said slowly, lining up the silverware in what Bucky realized was a show of nerves. After a moment he pushed them aside and met Bucky’s eyes across the table. “Or…”

Bucky’s heart leapt. “Or?”

“Or we could do something that we shouldn’t.”

Bucky’s breath caught in his lungs. There was a hopeful and hungry look in Tony’s eyes that made Bucky flush hot and then cold. It would be such a mad, bad idea to go to bed with Tony Stark; if he got caught, he’d go down in NYPD as the casebook example for how to fuck up an undercover assignment. On the other hand, tomorrow he would be requesting reassignment and would never see Tony again, so there would be just this one night. He could have that, right? Just one night for himself, this one selfish thing he could have before he left for good?

“Okay,” Bucky said. His heart was racing and he suspected if he didn’t have his hands wrapped around his empty espresso cup they would be shaking. “Tony, would you like to have another drink with me at my place?”

“I’d love to,” Tony said with a smile.

[painted-crow]

Snake vs Bird secondary?

This is a submission, so it's formatted a little differently. My line notes will look like this. Let me know if this is hard to read for anyone. -Paint

Just to get it out of the way, I'm a snake primary.

Secondaries:

The ones I'm not:

-I think badger secondary skillset is kind of cool, but rather than something that comes naturally it's something I'll occasionally make the conscious decisions to use, and the *value* set that goes with it is not me at all (use all the shortcuts! Minimize hard work as much as possible! Flit from project to project!)

Yep, not you. Cool beans. Might be a performance since you do turn it on? Up to you whether you care about that.

- occasionally, when trapped with no way out, I'll do a lion style "charge in". It feels like the desperate act of a feral animal, not my natural preferred style. Can't manage to make anything else work, charge in, worse thing that happens is we all die. Also re lion I do occasionally consciously fake it, like, I used to have a reputation as the blunt one who couldn't lie and despite being perfectly fine with lying I'd lean into it, having people think you don't lie is handy. I used to be the person appointed by unspoken group consensus to say the things that needed to be said but weren't socially acceptable, that kind of thing. But I'm not a lion primary (I honestly tend to feel slightly queasy reading lion descriptions, although I do have lions I admire)

Oh gosh, this bit is so Snakey. It's SO SNAKEY. Lol

(On the second pass, it almost seems like you're seeing others' opinions of you as a resource you can use...)

So now... Snake vs Bird secondary:

* I can't tell what the system is even talking about when it talks about collecting information because its useful or not. No, I don't waste my time on totally useless trivia.

It's less that you'd seek out random trivia, and more that some of your interests are maybe not super practical.

I was really into natural planted aquariums for a few years, and I thought they were really cool as an exercise in botany, chemistry, biology, aesthetics, and building a tiny ecosystem.

Is this knowledge ever going to be useful? Well, no, definitely not maybe some of the stuff I learned about what plants look like with various nutritional deficiencies...

Some Birds will focus entirely on their more impractical interests, others won't have any and their skills will all seem kind of utilitarian--but they will have picked them up out of interest, even if they really value their utility. I know a lot about computers and programming, and I picked that up partly because it's so useful, but I couldn't have gotten as far with it as I have if it didn't interest me.

On the other hand, I learn languages for fun, even if I don't have anyone around to use them on. Languages are just inherently useful. And I'm a writer, so like, pretty much everything is useful eventually, right?

I'm a writer too so I know what you're talking about, and this is a more solid justification than the example I gave above, but uh... this is a real good blanket rationalization xD

I read as much history as I can because it all goes into a big subconscious churn to make me have a better understanding of human nature.

This is very Birdy. I do something similar, but it's more psychology focused.

Does knowing why I pursue knowledge make it a model?

Nah. Knowing why they value something would just make a Bird value it more. Also, we're really likely to analyze why we like stuff, because analysis is kind of our jam.

If so, that's so deeply strange to me I guess I'm not a bird?

Right now I'm thinking you're a Snake with a strong Bird model. You seem reluctant to identify with it, whereas the Snakey traits you talked about in your "I'm not a Lion" section, you described with a kind of trickstery playfulness and I think you see them as more "you." With Bird you're almost defensive, like you're trying to assure me you're not boring and stuffy xD

But your Bird model seems strong. I think you'd be able to rely on it if your Snake ever Burned. That's a good thing.

* I never know what to answer on the "going in with plans" question of the quiz. I always have a few plans in advance, and they always have several blank spots marked "adjust based on what's happening". I can't imagine not having plans, it gives me anxiety, I can't imagine being too rigid about the plans, it gives me anxiety.

Yep, this still vibes as Snake with strong Bird model.

* I like to research and prepare in advance as much as possible. I was researching college majors when I was 12. I read all the choosing your career books, spent summers interning, and interviewed people about their jobs so I could feel safe choosing. I spent three years reading books and listening to podcasts about parenting before having my first kid so I'd know what I was doing (similarly, I spent years before marriage reading marriage therapy books and relationship skill books).

Oh hell, just @ me next time. This is more full of Bird shit than the windshield of a car that's been parked under a tree for the last 3 years.

And then, after doing as much research as possible, there's ALWAYS the moment when you have to say "screw it" and jump in blind as a bat anyway. That's just life. It's completely impossible in the actual moment to follow a plan, the plan always disintegrates at first contact with the "enemy" (but the process of making the plan, backup plan, and additional backup plan is important.)

There's that Snake again. I really wish I could do this. It'd be super useful.

It's starting to sound like your Snake is supporting your Bird rather than the other way around, which is surprising me. I was expecting you to start convincing me you were a Snake around about now, but you're doubling down on the Bird.

* there's a distinct feeling of 'turning on' my hyperawareness of my surroundings and ability to respond. Like, let's say I drift through life *highly* distracted by what's going on in my head.

Moooood.

But if I'm at a job interview, or giving a speech, or having an important social interaction, there's this sort of clear quiet feeling where I'm just trying to sense the room and respond on instinct. It sure feels like this might be what snake descriptions are describing, but it's only on sometimes.

That's how models work, or how they can work. I can see why you're confused.

* honestly reading snake description feels vaguely "aspirational" rather than "yeah, that's me" because I simply don't have confidence that I'm THAT good at grabbing opportunities or responding to chances. In the moment I can fatally hesitate for the crucial two seconds...

Also a model thing. You value it over your actual secondary, which explains why you want to identify with it more. I do this with my Badger model sometimes.

Actually, thinking about it, I essentially feel split. I feel I am both. I feel like my brain can be in plan mode or response mode. It cannot do both simultaneously, I need both modes, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to figure out which is one is my "type" ie more essentially "me". Response mode is more "natural", ie instinctive, when in use. Planning mode comes more easily, feels more comfortable, but of course that's because the inherent nature of planning mode is to happen in the safe spots, you don't plan mid-interview because that's when you're in "danger" and need to "respond".

You're taking your Bird for granted. A lot of people find planning REALLY stressful, and actually feel more comfortable in the moment. Or they like the slight feeling of danger.

Our society holds Bird up as "this is what intelligence looks like" and tells us we should all be that way. (It does this with Badger a lot too.) The result is that people who are good at it don't realize that it's not universal--and they think that seeing it as something particular to them is arrogant.

Effectively, it becomes invisible. We take it for granted and identify it by its weird quirks rather than its actual structure, which we've been taught is something everyone should be able to use easily.

Improvisational secondaries are going to feel more instinctive, almost by definition.

I don't know, I'm beginning to feel like I fundamentally don't grok either one or both of these secondaries and hence am so confused..

I think you're using Snake to support your Bird more than the other way around. You're more comfortable with Bird, and it's most of what you've focused on in writing this. So, after reading all of this, I think you're a Bird with a loud Snake model.

But if that doesn't jam well with you, you could just say "I have two secondaries." Traditional? No. But go ahead. If you feel like that's the truest description of you, then it probably is. Labels describe, they don't define. If it changes later, that's okay too.

Thanks for your question!

[btsrmono]

Trial & Error | chapter 2

Main Pairing: (jimin): student/idol x (main): foreign student

Side Pairs: main x taehyung,, main x (nct) jaehyun

Part 1

CHAPTER 2

A good few weeks had passed and you only made a small group of friends. They didn't seem to be anyone you’d ever grow close to though they were nice people. You mainly stuck to having Jinsoul as your best friend in Korea. You guys hung out all the time and she helped you study Korean, boosting your skills in communication. You were really grateful and thanks to her, you seemed to meet a lot of new people outside of your school. Based off of what you’ve observed, Jinsoul was very popular.

 "What are you doing tomorrow?" she had asked.

 You looked up from your notebook to her lying at the foot of your bed. "I don't know, probably nothing or hanging out with you, as usual. Why?"

 "Well, I was invited somewhere and I don't want to go by myself." Jinsoul was always doing something crazy like auditioning to become a trainee or going to a party and there you were, always getting dragged to places you didn't want to go because of her. 

  "Um, maybe I'll take a rain check this week," you replied, not really feeling in the mood.

  She laughed while slightly rolling her eyes. "It's not what you think," she informed you. "I actually have a date." 

  You completely stopped focusing on your literature homework and wondered what she'd possibly want you to go on a date with her for. "You're... asking me to .... be a third wheel? Are you really that nervous?"

  "No, I'm not asking you to be a third wheel, but yes, I am very nervous."

  "If you're not asking me to be a third wheel then what would you consider someone tagging along on a date?"

  "You're not a third wheel because you're a forth wheel," she answered quickly.

  You wasn't exactly sure what that was supposed to mean but you wasn't really up to questioning her. 

 "Please?" she begged.

 ".... I don't know, Jinsoul."

 She sucked her teeth. "Jimin is going to be there," she uttered, making you completely freeze. A sly grin showed on her face. "You can't lie, I know you like him, it's written all over your face whenever you see him."

  "I-I don't like him, I barely- I don't even know him," you stuttered. And it was true, you didn't like him. Did you think he was cute? Yeah. But you saw the way he flirted with other girls at the bus stop or at parties so you instantly was never attracted to him in that sense. 

  "Y/n," she pleaded. "I'll never ask you for a favor like this again. You said you owe me, remember?" 

  You sighed, considering it. "Well whose the guy that has you so hooked?"

  She smiled, biting her lip shyly. "Jacob."

  "Jacob?" you asked, shocked but not shocked. You could always tell she had a little something for him but from what you knew, he wasn’t single.

  "Yeah." She sighed, the smile quickly fading. “I already know what you’re gonna say--”

  "Doesn’t he have a whole girlfriend?" you cut her off.

  Her shoulders slightly dropped. "That was a long time ago.”

  “They were just making out at the bus stop after school last week.”

  “Exactly. A long time ago!” You looked at her skeptically as she sighed heavily. “They just broke up, y/n. He's a really sweet guy, believe me. And I like him a lot. You'd find out for yourself if you go on this double date. And who knows," she added, "maybe you and Jimin might have a connection you never knew was there. You both lowkey have a thing for each other, if it's not obvious to you, you're blind." She then laid back down into a comfortable position on my bed. "Think about it, he's always staring at you."

 You wasn't going to deny that but you always thought that maybe the boy just had staring issues. "If I say I'll go can we make a deal that you'll shut up about this for the rest of the day?"

 Her eyes widened. "Of course! A million times, of course," she exclaimed. "Thank you, y/n!!"

                                                      ~~~

Only 20 minutes into the date and everything was just completely awkward. At least between you and Jimin. Jinsoul and Jacob were hitting it off just great. A little too great. You and Jimin were both completely ignored and all you two really did at that point was watch the two flirt and giggle, completely immersed into their own conversation.

 You looked out the booths window on the left side of you, watching people walk on by as your thoughts began to wonder, one hundred percent bored out of your mind. At that moment, you thought about home and how much you missed it. Those days, you were so caught up in your new life that you tended to neglect your past, not even caring to call back your friends due to your busy schedule and the time zone differences surely didn't help. It was hectic and even if they didn't think so, you felt sorry.

 But alas, your thinking was interrupted when you heard Jacob suggest for him and Jinsoul to go play in the restaurants arcade. She then giggled, agreeing as they both stood up, not even caring to look back at you and Jimin. You guys were practically invisible to them and you were starting to get nervous. You had never been alone with Jimin, not that it was a big deal but there was just something about it that made you sweat.

 You looked over at him just to find his eyes already glued to you with a smile on his face. But then he slowly turned away. And just like that, you guys sat in an awkward silence for a good solid minute or two, neither one of you saying anything or even checking your phones when, suddenly, he spoke up.

 "I... sorry if this sounds weird but I just wanted to let you know that you look really pretty today."

  This caught you off guard , causing you to hesitate and only sweat a little more. "Um... thank you," you said shyly. You had no idea what was wrong with you, you’re not usually like this with boys but something was different about Jimin-- not in a good way but not in a bad way either. It was just that he seemed intimidating.

  He let out a chuckle. "Are you okay, y/n? You're not usually like this. This isn't the you I'm used to seeing."

 You shrugged your shoulders, unsure of what to say. "I'm sorry," you apologized. "I just find this all to be a little awkward, you'd be lying if you said you didn't too."

 "Yes, it's true," he admitted. "This is very awkward. The things we do for our friends, huh?” he chuckled. “But breaking the ice is the way to make this a little more natural, no?"

  Nodding your head, you agreed. But the only problem was that you didn't know how to break the ice. 

 “What state are you from by the way? I wanna hear all about it.”

 You kind of laughed. “It’s funny this hasn’t really come up in most of my conversations with people here. They just hear ‘America’ and it’s all they need.”

 He shook his head, giggling a bit. “My love, haven’t they told you I’m not most people?”

  “Well,” you sighed, clasping your hands together. “I’m from New York City.”

  Jimin’s eyes lit up upon hearing this. “Whoa, the Big Apple. Very nice place, I’ve been a few times.”

  “Oh, have you?”

  “Eh, not to brag or anything. But let’s just say I’m well travelled.”

  You laughed at his obvious cockiness. “It sucks I’m not from some place a bit smaller, I wish I could tell you about places you don’t know much about.”

  “Are you kidding me?” he asked you, surprised by this statement. “Do you know how many people would kill to live in New York?”

  You knew he was right but you couldn’t help but to feel this way. “I know,” you sighed. “But when you grow up there it just feels so... I don’t know.” You tried to think of the right words to describe your experience but you just couldn’t. “While I appreciate the diversity of people, everyone there is kind of the same in a sense.” He looked at you, truly interested in what you were saying. “We all strive to do our best in school to get into a top University and get a good job just to impress our peers and family... Nothing is authentic and we’re all miserable, really.”

  He shook his head, showing that you had his full attention. 

 “You would think living in a place like New York would allow you to freely show your creativity and do what you want but, no. That’s what people move to New York but for people that live there, we don’t see the big dream when it’s been our whole life.” You began to think about all of the missed opportunities you had while trying to live for your parents instead of yourself. You began to think that maybe it was just you.

  “I don’t know,” you continued. “I just feel like everyone is shallow and I’m living a cliche.”

  He nodded. “Funny enough, I know what you’re talking about. It’s the same here. Luckily, I was able to pick my career path but it’s still pressure.”

  You somehow knew what he meant. You saw the way everyone around you acted. It didn’t seem any easier to you than New York. Mayhap's the pressure in Korea was even worse. “I see,” you said. “Everyone here are such hard workers. I know it must be tough.”

  He shook his head, agreeing with you, somber thoughts seeming to fill his mind as his eyes wandered off. “You okay?” you asked.

  His eyes snapped back to yours. He paused before taking a good look at you, a smiling creeping back up on his face. “Of course I am, y/n.”

  Luckily, Jimin was a talkative person who knew how to easily lighten the mood as he went on to tell you horror stories of what went on in his dorm. You got really comfortable around him pretty quickly. He was a fun person who was really chill and easy to get along with.

  ".... and that, my friend, is why you must always fill your ramen cup up to the indicated line." You laughed after hearing his story on how he almost blew up the dorms microwave. "I mean, I'll tell you," he continued, "Jin hyung was so mad, it was almost scary."

  Eventually, time started going by slow and Jimin began to run out of stories. You both had finished your food and neither Jinsoul or Jacob bothered to come back. You guys had officially been sitting there for a little over 2 hours, the waiters even asking if you guys were ready to pay the bill--more than once--to which, Jimin ended up paying for.

  You sighed, finally pulling your phone out for the first time in which felt like forever. Your cell lit up with multiple notifications that you didn't even feel like checking. You just wanted to occupy yourself with something. 

  As you scrolled through your Instagram timeline, you could feel Jimin's eyes on you. "What?" you asked him nonchalantly, still scanning your phone.

 "It's funny," he started, "us two being here."

  You quietly chuckled, finally looking at him. "What?"

 "Were you dragged here?" he curiously wondered. 

 "'Dragged' is an overstatement, but yeah, she did kind of beg," you admitted. "Why? Weren't we both?"

  "No. When he said you’d be here, I didn’t have a problem with coming."

  You awkwardly paused before making a small "tsk" sound, scolding yourself mentally. He turned around to survey the area to which you found yourself staring at him in quiet awe. You wasn't going to lie to yourself by saying that Jimin wasn't your type but you had to remember why you were there to begin with. It sure as hell wasn't because he asked you to. 

  At that moment, you took a second to check the time. It was currently 9:31pm. You looked back up at Jimin whom was already looking at you. "It's getting late," you stated. "My parents will start to worry. I should get home soon."

  He nodded his head, quickly agreeing. "Yeah, that's totally understandable. I should walk you."

 You paused, unsure of what to say. You weren't exactly expecting him to offer something like that so it took you off guard a bit. "Um... that's okay, Jimin. I can walk alone, the bus stop is only a short block from here."

 He sighed as he slowly began to make his way out of the booth standing. "Can you at least allow me to pay for a taxi home?"

 You then proceed to stand as well, smirking slightly. "A taxi? If you insist... But please let Jinsoul know where I went. I will text her as well but I'm sure she's not checking her phone anytime soon."

 He smiles, tilting his head a bit. "Totally. And you know something, I really had a good time with you." 

 You surprisingly had a good time too. And it was then that you felt that maybe, just maybe, Jimin and you would become friends.

A/N: Yayyy so we got a little more of Jimin! Next chapter, a small (kind of big) shock comes to this small group of friends. Stay tuned!

(p.s. Jacob is below! Him and Jinsoul would make such a cute couple haha)

PART 3

[paulisweeabootrash]

2020 mini-review pack

Di Gi Charat (1999)

Episodes watched: 7

Platform: VRV (Hidive)

Di Gi Charat (pronounced like “carrot”) is a series of fast-paced 4-ish-minute shorts nominally about Dejiko and Rabi-en-Rose, rivals trying to be Earth’s greatest idol.  Who are, respectively, a catgirl and a bunnygirl.  Oh, and also they’re aliens?  That’s... uh... certainly a premise, I guess.  The actual show consists of self-contained gag-filled episodes with no ongoing story, in almost a sitcom kind of way, throwing the characters into situations without context, but with a stable “baseline” situation (unlike, say, Pop Team Epic, where the characters serve more as stock personalities playing different roles in different sketches).  Dejiko is a snarky schemer.  Rabi-en-Rose is a snarky schemer whose main activity seems to be bothering Dejiko at work.  Puchiko is a small and quiet child and behaves accordingly.  And Gema is... something?  I have no clue, honestly, and neither does the fan wiki.  Other recurring characters fill stock roles such as “manager” and “otaku”.  A lot of the humor centers around poking fun at fandom.  It’s a show by, for, and about otaku from an era before our current internet culture, and since I’m a millennial and not from Japan, that makes it unusually hard to evaluate.

W/A/S: 8/2?/5?

Weeb: Chibis.  Catgirls.  Idols.  Kappas.  Kawaii verbal tics.  Akihabara.  Low-detail background characters who look like blobs or thumbs with faces.  Kanji left on-screen but untranslated.  Particular sorts of highly-exaggerated facial expressions we may have become familiar with through emoji, but which still haven’t made their way into American media generally.  This is ludicrously Japanese.

Ass: This really isn't that kind of show.  Although it is certainly designed for adults, as evidenced by the presence of phrases like “naughty doujinshi”.

Shit: The art is fun.  It has style shifts from comic strip to watercolor painting to mainstream 90s anime, and looks better than some of its contemporaries that were, uh, “real” shows.  The opening takes up about a quarter of the total runtime and gets annoying quickly (but that's because it’s clearly designed for being part of a broadcast block, not binge-watching).  Still, unless I’m missing hidden cleverness on account of not having the background knowledge, there’s not much to it.  It’s just okay.

-----

First Astronomical Velocity (band, active 2011-present)

Platform: Spotify, surprisingly

Okay, this one is a bit different, and I’m jettisoning the whole format for it.  Remember how I said the music-centered episodes of SoniAni were actually pretty good, even though the modeling-centered episodes were so offputting I never finished the show?  Well it turns out that First Astronomical Velocity, Sonico’s band, has released several IRL albums.  Physical copies may be a little hard to come by, but official uploads of a lot of their music can be found on Youtube and Spotify.  Do your musical interests include at least two of: string arrangements that would be at home in a particularly sappy movie soundtrack, 90s-00s alternative rock, synthesizer beep-boops, and that constricted cutesy Japanese women’s vocal style (you know the one I mean)?  Then this is for you.  They’re a pretty good... uh... alt-pop-rock band, I guess is what I’d call them.

-----

Interspecies Reviewers (2020)

Episodes watched: the entire 12-episode season

Platform: I plead the 5th.  But it’s getting a video release soon, so it will finally be legitimately available in English!

I started this year with a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show, and now I’m ending the year with... a plot-light fanservicey animal-people show.  But unlike Nekopara, this show had me cracking up, eagerly clicking “next episode”, and not complaining about the premise.  I’m sure a lot of people do have a problem with this show’s premise -- which centers almost entirely on various forms of sex work -- and I understand and respect that they will want to skip this show.

But for the rest of you: Interspecies Reviewers is a wildly-NSFW comedy about a group of fantasy world adventurers who gain fame and fortune reviewing brothels of different species.  I expected excessive nudity and fantasy tropes, but I didn’t expect to also get serious thoughts.  Like showing, in the golem and Magic Metropolis episodes, some of the unsettling problems that are looming IRL as deepfakes and sex robots are in development -- note especially the contrast between consensually and non-consensually basing automata on real people in those episodes.  Or the discussion in the last episode of how much riskier sex would be in a world without magic (i.e., ours).  This is a much smarter and more interesting show than you’d expect, considering that it has so much sexual content that it got dropped by two of the networks airing it and even its US distributor.

W/A/S: 5/10/4

Weeb: Although heavily influenced by the Western fantasy media canon of European mythology and Tolkien and tabletop RPGs, familiarity with the tropes of fantasy anime will help you “get” this too, as will familiarity with the -sigh- character dynamics and censorship practices of hentai.  Especially because it’s a comedy, there are probably also instances where I have completely missed topical references or wordplay that a Japanese person would get, but I can’t think of any specific instances right now of “there was clearly supposed to be a joke but I missed it”.

Ass: Look, this could not possibly have more sexual content without unambiguously becoming porn.  Genitals are (almost) always carefully hidden by viewing angle or conveniently-placed glowing (something lampshaded in one episode as an actual feature of one of the species they review), but otherwise, expect lots of nudity and almost nonstop crude humor.  Do not watch this with children.  Do not watch this with your parents.  Do not watch this with friends you don’t know well enough to know how they’ll react to something like this.

Shit: This show is better-made than it deserves to be.  It’s pretty dumb at points, but it’s fun enough to make up for it.  The art is consistent and pleasant, and the opening and ending themes are extremely fun, but it’s not a serious standout in any of those departments.  Also, I swear the background music is stock music, but I don’t remember what other show(s) I’ve heard it in before.

Stray thought: Crim is a precious and relatable cinnamon roll and I love them.

-----

OreSuki OVA (2020)

Platform: Crunchyroll

So, I know I didn’t cover the whole season in my initial review, but I still want to mention the hour-ish-long finale of this show, which was released straight to streaming.  Short version of the rest of the season: Joro starts to actually fall for Pansy, but a new challenger, Hose, appears.  He is irritatingly attractive and effortless at maintaining the right persona for the situation, leading Joro to describe him as “the main character”.  Hose is the sociopathic manipulator Joro wishes he could be, and Pansy, who has a bad past with him, clearly wants nothing more than for Joro to stand up to him.  But, since this is OreSuki, it’s not going to be handled simply.  No, instead, strap in for a grand finale of Joro and Hose competing in, and trying to manipulate through rules-lawyering, an absolutely ludicrous competition to win the right to date Pansy.  And, on top of it, we also get to finally see how Sun-chan got to be the way he is and what happened at that pivotal baseball game that set off the whole plot.  What has Joro learned from the experiences of the past season?  You’ll see!  And you’ll facepalm about it!

Really, you must watch this if you watched the regular season.

W/A/S: 6/5(!)/4ish

Weeb: Basically the same as I said before.  Gags referencing other Japanese media, anime and otherwise, and it's better if you’re familiar with the high school romcoms and harem comedies Joro thinks in terms of.

Ass (and slight content note): -sigh- Why does the camera need to be there?  Also, Joro, you just committed a little bit of sexual assault for the sake of this contest.  Stop.

Shit: I want to rate this overall better than I did the regular season because I think it’s an excellent finale overall because, even though it ends in a very “let’s leave everything unresolved” way that’s common in media that rely on absurd relationships to propel the plot, it does so in a way that makes sense in character.  I personally think it would’ve been stronger if it had, well, confirmed its title, and at least some of the other “challengers” had lost interest in Joro, but I guess they probably want a Season 2, since they have so much more source material to work from.  There are... oh god 14 light novels?!  That is too many.

-----

Your Name. (2016)

Platform: DVD

Two high schoolers -- small-town girl Mitsuha, from Itomori, and big-city boy Taki, from Tokyo -- find themselves in each other’s bodies for a day.  They both think at first it must be a very vivid dream, but when it happens again, and they start finding clues like notes they don’t remember writing and comments by friends and relatives about their out-of-character behavior, they realize the body swap is real.  This begins a relationship of mutual understanding that nobody else can really understand -- or would even believe (except Mitsuha’s grandmother, who is... familiar with this phenomenon) -- and the plot then pivots to a tense adventure where they use their connection, some crucial information Taki has, the skills of Mitsuha’s friends, and the intervention of Itomori’s patron deity, to save the town from an impending disaster.

And that’s all I’ll say about that, because I really do think this is something you should go into blind.  My only remaining comments are that (1) the red string of fate is critically important imagery, and is particularly interesting to me here because, if I took a particular scene correctly, Mitsuha made her own red string of fate from sheer necessity, which is a very different twist on that trope, and (2) I am now curious about the history of the body-swapping phenomenon in-universe.

W/A/S: 4?/2/2

Weeb: As mentioned above, symbolism of the Red String of Fate shows up throughout the movie, as do the occasional distinctly Japanese quirk like a wildly out-of-place vending machine or a café with dogs, and but for the most part it’s a cross-cultural story of understanding and dealing with someone else’s life, and of forming a connection other people don’t -- can’t -- truly understand, and to some extent of divides between urban and rural and modern and traditional that I think could play out in any country with just the local symbolism tweaked.  The significance and content of Shinto beliefs and practices depicted, particularly kuchikamizake, are made pretty explicit, so although foreign to the vast majority of the non-Japanese audience, I feel like this movie also has nearly no barrier to entry for people not familiar with the cultural context, so I don’t want to rate it very high on this scale.

Ass: Look.  It involves teenagers switching bodies.  What do you think they do?  Especially Taki?  But it’s played for laughs, not titillation.

Shit: This movie is beautiful and punched me in the feels and was very satisfying.  The closest I have to a complaint about any aspect of it is that the musical breaks that I guess are supposed to mark acts of the movie almost make it feel like binge-watching a short series instead of watching a single self-contained movie.

[quinlinkin]

take it from me ( i’d be lost without you ) ↳ Q’s twdg writing challenge

character(s): mitch, louis ship(s): louitch ( louis/mitch ) word count: 1749 author’s note: ahhhhh, so i finally fell behind. but hopefully only for these couple of days! either way, this fic is based around a short louitch comic i started making in xnalara a couple of months ago that i never ended up finishing. though i do hope to get it done soon, esp if this ship starts to make some traction?? who knowssss

have a lil preview of that comic anyway!!

[   ao3 link   ]

*credits to the wonderful @stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale​​​​​​​ for creating this challenge! you can view the entire prompt list + further details here. happy writing!!

                                                          ― ☼ ―

                                     day fourteen ; night sky.

“Makes you feel small, huh?”

“Hmm…?”

“Like… the universe. When you really think about it, we’re just so- insignificant. A puny, meaningless speck that doesn’t keep everything else from existing. It wouldn’t even matter in the grand scheme of things if we all disappeared one day.”

Pulling his gaze away from the blanket of stars above them, Mitch quirks an eyebrow at Louis. It’s become somewhat of a routine for them to find themselves right here, seated upon the roof of Mitch’s house as they stargaze and talk endlessly. They’ve occasionally even stayed put long enough for the sun to begin to rise, peeking over the horizon as a startling reminder for Louis that he needs to get home before his parents wake up and realize he isn’t where he’s supposed to be.

A crooked grin starts to tug at his lips, and he can’t help but to lightly tease, “Jesus… Deep, much? Y’know, I think you’d better quit that damn drama class before it’s too late, it’s obviously starting to get to your head.”

Louis rolls his eyes and scoffs, yet the unmistakable signs of his own subtle grin are plainly visible in the moonlight. “I’m just saying. When you put things into perspective, it’s pretty wild to think about.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Mitch shrugs, green eyes flicking back up to the inky black sky. Truth be told, he hasn’t spent a lot of time contemplating their existence like Louis apparently has. It didn’t really matter to him.

Except for aliens, of course. Aliens were real, the government are hiding the truth, and he’ll gladly fight anyone who tries to disagree.

“Well… What do you think, then?” Louis asks after a beat of silence.

Again, Mitch gives an offhanded shrug. “I dunno. Not much, I guess.”

He can feel Louis’ eyes on him without having to look. It makes his skin crawl, his cheeks tingle.

“No opinions on life beyond earth? No theories about our existence? Figured you’d be all about the conspiracy theory life.”

“I ain’t Shane Dawson.”

Louis laughs. “No, you’re definitely not.”

Mitch gives a breathy chuckle of his own, his elbows shifting against the shingles. “Yeah, I mean- conspiracies are fun to think about. But I wouldn’t go as far as… whatever all that was that came outta your mouth just now.”

“What, you didn’t like my awesomely philosophical speech?” Louis retorts. Mitch can hear the smirk present in his airy tone. “I should be offended.”

Mitch is forced to redirect his attention back to Louis’ face, where sure enough, that classic Louise-esque smirk is spread across it. His eyes linger for longer than intended. “I think you’re better off leaving all that shit to Aasim.”

With another brief, joined laugh, they both turn their attention back to the sky. It’s not uncommon for them to fall into comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other’s company. Sometimes, Mitch will light up a cigarette that Louis always decline to share. Other times, they’ll take turns with a bottle of alcohol snagged from his father’s liquor cabinet until their heads are warmly fuzzy and boundaries become just a little bit thinner.

Tonight, however, there’s nothing but the two of them, no distractions or obligations to be anywhere other than right here.

It’s also not uncommon for Mitch’s mind to wander during these bouts of silence. He wishes he only held positive thoughts for this odd, indescribable bond that’s formed between him and Louis.

He’s unable to understand why Louis would ever want to show up whenever Mitch decides to text him late at night, why he ever gives him the time of day or humors him when they have just about nothing in common. While it’s no exaggeration that Mitch could produce quite the lengthy list of reasons why Louis is so great and interesting, he’s yet to find a single reason why the opposite would prove to be true.

Mitch glances at Louis while his focus is directed above them. There’s a gentle smile on his face, his expression blissful and carefree. He looks positively at peace, and Mitch doesn’t get why.

He suddenly feels guilty. He’d called him out of bed at nearly two in the morning, after all, and while Mitch never dares to admit whenever there’s an underlying problem that prompts him to want Louis’ company, he suspects that Louis already knows.

Louis makes him feel better, plain and simple. Perhaps it’s his shining personality or his positive way of thinking, though whatever the true reason, Mitch never fails to feel his mood lifting from as early on as seeing Louis typing back a message despite immediately regretting sending his own in the first place.

“You don’t have to be here, y’know,” he suddenly tells him. Out of context, it’s entirely unprompted, yet in Mitch’s mind, they’re words that have to be spoken.

Louis immediately turns his head to look at him, his brows pulled together with a keen mixture of confusion and compassion. It’s more than enough for Mitch to be quickly looking away, that too-sincere expression tugging at his heart in a way that makes him feel queasy.

“I know,” Louis speaks quietly, steadily. Careful, as if saying the wrong thing will cause Mitch to freeze up and bolt. It wouldn’t be the first time. “But… I want to.”

The outward confession instinctively draws Mitch’s eyes back to his face, just for a second, before he’s forcing them away again. His eyebrows furrow, searching for words well beyond his grasp to say.

Naturally, Louis picks up on his uneasy silence. “Do… you not want me here?”

“What?” Mitch’s head snaps back towards him, eyes slightly rounded before he’s firmly shaking his head. “No, I - of course I do.”

While he hadn’t quite expected Louis’ response, he supposes he should have. With his standoffish, blunt nature, he can only imagine that he must come off as disinterested in Louis’ company from time to time. He curses his unapproachable demeanor, wishes it wasn’t so difficult for him to open up.

Apparently, Louis decides to push things a little further. Mitch doesn’t blame him for wanting answers, though once again, he’s no longer able to look at him as his expression grows more sympathetic. His voice is incredibly timid when he speaks up, and Mitch feels even worse.

“Then… why say that?”

Mitch sighs. “Ah… I dunno, I just- most people wouldn’t want to, I guess. Most people… wouldn’t care.”

He can feel Louis shifting closer, trying to crane his neck in order to meet his eye.

It doesn’t work until he speaks again, barely above a whisper. “Well… I do. I care.”

Mitch simply can’t control the troubled look that crosses over his face, displaying his every conflicted emotion and his perplexed thought for Louis to see despite the fact he doesn’t want him to.

There’s nothing he can do to stop himself from asking, “But… why? ”

Louis instantly falls quiet. For a moment, Mitch regrets asking, assumes that there’s nothing that Louis has to offer in response to his question. Of course there isn’t, his mind bitterly taunts. He only said he cares to make you feel better.

He’s proven entirely wrong in the next second.

“Because…” he starts, seeming to choose his words very carefully until they’re spilling freely from his mouth. “You’re worth so much more than you think you are. Yeah, you’re a little devious, and yeah, you’ve got this whole ‘tough guy’ act nailed down. But under all that, you… you have a good heart, Mitch. I can see it all the time. Even if you don’t.”

Mitch blanks. There’s nothing that could ever describe the whirlwind of emotions that instantly overtakes him, no amount of understanding that could hope to make sense of it all. Impossibly, he feels gut-wrenching sadness and heartwarming inspiration at exactly the same time, a melting pot of conflicting feelings coexisting with each other, relentlessly battling for the top spot within his mind.

Ultimately, sheer disbelief wins.

“I… think you give me way too much credit…” he mumbles, a rather pathetic reply to Louis’ meaningful expression of his self worth.

Louis doesn’t miss a beat. “Maybe you just don’t give yourself enough.”

Mitch can feel Louis’ eyes practically boring holes into his skin as he grows distressingly silent once again, their shoulders brushing in a way that has him tensing up despite himself. Yet as undeterred as ever, Louis is piping up again before he knows it.

“I see you for who you really are. Whether you like it or not.”

There’s no denying the phrase sums everything up better that Mitch could ever express, himself. Yet he’s unable to think about it for much longer after those words are spoken, for in another, completely unexpected turn of events, Mitch can feel Louis shifting even closer.

A brief pause ensues, before Louis is leaning in the rest of the way. He kisses Mitch’s cheek, and Mitch is blown away how such as simple action can bring forth such an intense response. His heart ricochets inside his chest, his thoughts all but exploding inside his head. He can’t think, can’t speak, can’t breathe.

Then, he’s turning to gawk at Louis as if he’s grown at least five extra heads. Louis bears a similar expression, seemingly shocked at himself, leaving them both staring at one another like two deer within the glow of the same headlights. 

“I - I’m sorry, I-”

Maybe it’s instinct. Maybe the rapidly multiplying emotions within him take over, blinding him and masking all the rational common sense he already lacks.

Whatever the reason, there’s no stopping himself, no controlling his own actions. He doesn’t care if Louis regrets it, if he’s apologizing because he didn’t mean to.

Mitch closes the distance between them again, and kisses him.

Louis freezes, but for only a second. Mitch thinks that same emotionally fueled instinct must be taking over him, too, for faster than his mind can process, they’re quite literally kissing each other senseless. It feels as if a slowly cracking dam between them has finally broken, and with it, everything comes effectively pouring out.

He doesn’t know how long the kiss lasts. All concept of time becomes lost upon him, and the only thing that eventually separates them is the burning need for oxygen.

And, as they pull away, in some cheesy, embarrassingly cliche passing thought, Mitch swears the stars above Louis’ dazed, smiling face shine brighter than they ever have before.

[rosemaidenvixen]

You are my Sunshine

Chapter 15: Fifteen Part 1

Ao3

Jim stood in front of the bathroom mirror, gaze fixed on his reflection. 

It was just a little after six in the morning, the square of sky outside the bathroom window was inky dark, but steadily brightening. Barbara was asleep in bed and Jim had already finished his nightly chores and made their lunches for the next day. All he had left to do was wait until sunrise so he could get dressed.

Jim leaned in over the sink, taking an inventory of sorts of his nocturnal features. 

Changing every sunrise and sunset had been part of his life for as long as Jim could remember. He wasn’t in the habit of closely examining himself at night, normally his metamorphosis was nothing more than an event he planned his routine around.

But today was not a normal day.

Jim tilted closer to the mirror, until his flat, hooked nose was practically touching the glass; he was taller like this, by at least a foot. 

It was Thursday morning, his first week of freshman year in highschool. An ordinary day in most ways except for one.

Today was his fifteenth birthday.

Jim reached up and pinched his cheek, tracking his movements in the glass. He had azure flesh like a granite statue, even after ten years that still seemed the most bizarre alteration.

Jim didn’t like his birthday, he hadn’t for a very long time. Almost everyone he knew was aware of that.

But what they didn’t know was that there was one day Jim hated even more than his birthday.

Jim slid his hand underneath his jaw; sharp tusks jutted out past his lower lip, built for crunching through bone and metal. His fingers slid further back along his mandible into the thick, coarse hair that spread down his neck and back, even starting to line his face in places. 

A day just over a month after the date of his birth, a day for which the tenth anniversary was rapidly coming up. 

The day he took a bath that changed everything.

The day he transformed for the first time.

His hand traveled up around his pointy ears through the forest of hair on his scalp. Last but not least were the robust, back swept horns the color of ivory. Jim ran his fingers from the base of one horn to the tip, he was pretty sure they were still growing.

Ambient light was seeping into the bathroom at a rapid pace, at any moment the first true rays of sunshine would appear outside.

Jim’s reflection blinked, round blue eyes disappeared and reappeared. Those were the same; in spite of everything. His mom had told him that was how she recognized him on the first night when she found him in the woods. Jim had the same eyes, day or night.

For all the good that did him.

Jim could tally up the changes, visible or otherwise, but it never made any difference.

Almost ten years and he still didn’t know what he was, only that he changed into it every sundown, rain or shine.

And then, from outside the tiny bathroom window, the sun came up.

Jim’s otherworldly appearance melted away, the transition was so smooth he could barely feel it.

In the time it took to breathe in and out it was all over.

And then Jim was staring at himself in the mirror; lanky, pasty skin, longish black hair, and no horns or fangs to speak of. The real him, the genuine Jim Lake Jr, standing in the bathroom at six thirty in the morning wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants that were practically falling off. 

Jim stood perfectly still, managing to be mystified by the complete transformation even after living with it for years.

He was normal now, he could go outside and go to school and mingle with people, no one being the wiser.

Until sunset, when he would grow and turn blue and sprout fangs and horns and have to stay safely tucked indoors, and the whole thing started all over again.

And again.

And again. 

And again. 

His life wasn’t always ruled by the movement of the sun, Jim knew that. He had a vague memory of walking down the night time streets of Los Angeles, hand in hand with each of his parents.

But all that had gone off the rails when he was five. 

Despite his best efforts to think back on that night, on what had happened to him, the memory was hazy, distorted by time and his own childish abilities of recollection. But no matter how faded and blurry the memory itself was, the terror of it remained sharp and crisp as always.

Splashing around in the tub.

Dropping the dark, grainy sphere into the water.

Being swallowed by darkness.

Waking up in a world that wasn’t right.

Mom coming to find him, bursting through the trees and scooping him up, he had been small enough that she could still do that. 

Seeing her cry for the first time.

The miracle that happened at sunrise.

The nightmare that came back once the sun went down again.

Jim didn’t think he would forget any of that even if he tried.

He hesitated at the mirror for a few more seconds before heading to his room to get dressed.

Ten years. 

Ten years of hiding in his house and keeping secrets from everyone he knew. Ten years spent terrified that someone would find out the truth.

What the next ten be like?

Almost robotically, Jim finished getting dressed and gathered up the lunches for him and Toby.

His mom had worked the graveyard shift last night, which meant that she wouldn’t be awake until nine or ten, so Jim was all on his own this morning.

Seeing no reason to wait any longer, he put on his backpack and went into the garage, grabbing his bike and heading into the driveway to wait for Toby.

Due to the fact that he was awake at an hour most other teenagers would consider obscenely early, Jim had to wait nearly fifteen minutes before Toby finally pulled up on his bike

“Morning Jim, you ready for day four of our conquest of high school?”

Jim flashed him a smile that he hoped was convincingly cheery “You’d better believe it,”

As they peddled down the street in tandem, Toby excitedly described to Jim his master plan to woo every girl in school. Despite the fact that he’d never actually had a full conversation with any of them.

Jim rolled his eyes as Toby rattled off three rules of love hunting that he had no doubt made up himself.

Of course that was what Toby was worried about, it wasn’t like he was dealing with any real problems. 

Jim had to bite back a snarl. Toby got to enjoy his blissfully normal life just one house over from where Jim was on nightly house arrest; and he didn’t even appreciate how good he had it.

The sudden amount of sheer hostility he felt caught Jim off guard, causing him to wobble on his bike, nearly losing his balance. He quickly corrected himself before he could fall and hurried to catch up with Toby.

Jim brated himself while continuing to peddle in the direction of the school, keenly aware of Toby just ahead of him. It wasn’t fair of him to be mad at Toby. Toby had been Jim’s best friend for nearly an entire decade. Despite all the weirdness caused by his nightly transformation that he knew Toby noticed. Would any other kids his age put up with Jim’s quirky routine without asking questions? No. Toby was the greatest friend Jim had ever had. He didn’t deserve Jim’s spite.

They pulled to a stop shortly after passing the large Arcadia Oaks High School sign.; hauling their bikes up to the racks out front.

Jim squinted at the steadily rising sun while locking his bike into the rack.

Ten years.

In a month and a half it would be ten whole years of everything. All the questions, the discoveries, the fear and horror.

Jim still couldn’t quite believe it.

Locks in place, Jim and Toby went inside the building and headed to their lockers, which luckily enough, were practically next to each other.

He thought back on all the nights he practically had to run home to beat the sunset. All the excuses and evasions he had to give Toby. All the close calls.

Of course now that he was in high school, it wouldn’t be any easier. 

At least when he was little there hadn’t been much that he could do outside the house without his mom. Now there would be dances and after school activities Jim would have to dodge, no doubt Toby would start asking him to sneak out so they could go to parties. And then once he graduated….

The locker door slipped from Jim’s hand as the realization hit him like a freight train.

It’s wasn’t going to stop.

Not today. Not when he graduated. Not ever.

This was never going to get any better.  

A chill slowly spread out from his chest as the cold, hard truth sunk in.

This was going to be his entire life.

Jim was so out of it that he almost noticed his textbooks slipping from his grip too late. Yelping, he quickly grabbed the sliding books, barely managing to keep them from falling to the floor.

“You ok there Jimbo?”

“Oh-- uh-- yeah I’m good,”

Toby looked skeptical “You sure? Cuz I know your birthday always--”

“Yep,” Jim forced a grin “I’m fine,”

Toby didn’t look convinced, but mercifully he dropped the subject.

Jim allowed himself a small sigh of relief at Toby’s lack of prodding, but his bleak revelation still lingered.

They went in to their first class, algebra with Ms. Janeth, and took their seats.

Jim tried to compose himself.

But figuring out the truth had opened up a dam.

He was never going to go to homecoming or prom.

He was never going to live in the dorms or even go to college. 

After high school his life was over.

It would be nothing but closed blinds and the same four walls until the day he died.

Jim dropped his pencil as a horrifying vision struck him. 

Jim Lake Junior, age seventy, blue skin, horns and all. Living alone in the house he grew up in, never leaving Arcadia. His mom had passed away, he had lost contact with Toby a long time ago. 

Jim; isolated and alone.

For the rest of his life.

Jim struggled to slow down his breathing, piercingly aware of Ms. Janeth lecturing in front of him and an entire classroom of teenagers.

He had to keep it together, couldn’t break down. Not here. Not now.

Jim dug his fingers into the sides of his desk, trying to stifle the burning in his eyes. He just had to last until lunch, then he could find somewhere to lose it. 

The unisex bathroom near the principal’s office. It was just a single room with a door that locked so Jim wouldn’t be interrupted. 

During lunch Jim could go in there, cry his eyes out, scream into a wad of paper towels, and get this all out of his system. That should last him for the rest of the day.

Jim tried to go through the breathing exercises his mom had taught him, but the ugly truth kpet surging to the forefront of his mind.

He was stuck like this for the rest of his life, it was never going to get better or easier, and one day Toby and his mom would be gone and he would be completely alone. 

Jim bit his cheek to stifle to sound of a sob coming up.

He couldn’t do this. Jim was going to burst into tears in the middle of algebra where everyone could see him.

His fingertips had turned white from the force they were gripping the desk with. He was starting to shake all over, he had to blink every few seconds to keep the tears from spilling out.

Jim needed to pull himself together, now.

He summoned up the happiest thoughts he could think of; owning and riding his own vespa, Toby beaming in delight at his latest cooking creation, getting a tight hug from mom….

The guilt he felt every time he lied to Toby, seeing Mom working herself to the bone to take care of him, cleaning the house from top to bottom just to distract himself from the endless hours of solitude every night, spending decades of his life this way….

One of Jim’s tears escaped and stained one of the problems on his worksheet.

This wasn’t working, Jim was one small spark away from an explosion

Time for plan B. If Jim couldn’t make himself happy, then he would have to make himself sad about something else.

And there was only one memory that was potent enough to do that.

His dad.

Jim hadn’t cared about that deadbeat for a long time, but the memories of him still hurt.

Jim forced his frantic breathing to slow down while he dredged up half faded memories from ten years ago today.

Watching his dad come down the stairs, a suitcase in each hand, ignoring Jim’s questions about where he was going. 

Seeing him get in there car and drive away without saying a single word, only sparing Jim an indifferent glance. 

Standing at the edge of the driveway watching the car fade into the distance. 

Wondering what it was he did to make his dad stop loving him.

That did the trick, he knew by now that if his dad was enough of a jerk to ditch them, then he and his mom were probably a lot better off without him, but recalling exactly how much it hurt to watch him leave distracted Jim from the hard truth that had chosen this morning to sink in.

It seemed to take forever for first period to end, seesawing between panic and decade old heartbreak the entire time, but at long last Ms. Janeth dismissed them.

Jim let out a shaky breath. One period down, three to go. He could do this. 

Restraining himself from running, Jim hurried to his locker, desperate to avoid a conversation with Toby. It would be ten times harder to hide the rising tide of hysteria from him.

He spun open his locker and grabbed his books in record time. Just when Jim was feeling sure that he could make it to his next class incident free, the absolute worst possible thing happened. 

A hand shot out and slammed his locker shut, a smirking face framed by blonde hair entered his field of vision "I don’t remember saying you could use this hallway today buttsnack,”

Jim had to bite his lip to keep from screaming. Today of all days, Psycho Steve just had to make an appearance. 

Hastily, Jim turned and tried to escape down the other side of the hall only to have Logan and Seamus step out in front of him and cut off any escape.

Normally he could deal with Steve throwing his weight around, but not now, not today.

Jim struggled to speak without letting the raging storm of grief and fury inside him color his words.

“I...I’ve got to get to class, so I can’t really do this right now--”

“Oh so you want to throw down later? How does you and me on the football field after school sound?”

Jim dug his fingers into his textbooks so hard he could feel the sharp cover cutting off circulation. Was Steve really that dumb or had he just wanted to pick a fight from the start?

“No I--”

“No backing out Lake," Steve smirked down at him "We're going to settle this once and for all,”

Even though he was two seconds away from a complete meltdown and Steve would no doubt wipe the floor with him, part of Jim, the stupid, stubborn, angry part, wanted to take Steve up on his offer, just to wipe the smug grin off his face.

It wasn't enough for guys like Steve to have it better than everyone else. They had to rub it in their faces. 

Jim glared up at Steve’s oh-so self satisfied grin. 

Arrogant prick.

Steve had it great; buff, perfect blonde hair, a spot on the basketball team, plenty of cronies to always back him up. 

His free hand tightened into a fist.

Steve didn’t turn into a monster when the sun went down, he didn’t spend half his life indoors so men in black from the government wouldn’t lock him up on a secret base somewhere, didn’t have to eat raw meat and metal so he wouldn’t starve. Stupid, perfect Steve had it so great, living his nights without fear, no doubt surrounded by tons of friends, actually having a future past graduation--

The unexpected wave of emotion made his eyes sting.

Focus. 

Take deep breaths. 

Now more than ever Jim needed to keep his cool.

If Jim started to cry in front of Steve of all people he couldn’t imagine how bad it would be.

“So what will it be Lake?”

Just when Jim had forced back his emotions enough to give a coherent reply, Toby chose that moment to show up.

“Hey, what's going on?”

Steve scowled at Toby "Mind your own business, buttsnack!"

Toby's gaze turned frosty.

Jim threw a desperate look at his friend, silently begging him to not make the situation worse.

“We’re not afraid of you Steve,” Toby followed this bold statement up with a quick wink at Jim, clearly having misinterpreted his expression.

Steve snarled “That settles it, we’re doing this,”

“No, no we’re not doing anything,” 

His birthday, Toby, Steve, everything, Jim couldn’t keep himself together for much longer. 

A hint of a whine had started to bleed into his tone; he needed to get out of here now. 

Motions jerky with nerves, Jim darted past Logan and Seamus and managed to make it a ways down the hallway, only to have Steve rush ahead and block him. 

Steve was a good deal taller than him, something he used to his full advantage while looming over Jim “No wimping out Lake. You and me, football field, midnight. Be there,”

Steve’s words hit him like a fist to the gut. It didn’t matter whether Jim was willing to fight Steve or not, he couldn’t meet him at midnight if he wanted to. 

He couldn’t go to homecoming.

He couldn’t go to a play or a sports game.

He couldn’t sneak out to go the end of the year bonfire.

Jim felt whatever tenuous control he had over his emotions slip.

Who was he kidding, his life was over already.

Toby and Steve were exchanging more heated words but it almost didn’t sound real. Dim and indistinct, like they were both underwater.

Jim was never going to go to college or even move out of Arcadia, never hold down a real job, never date or get married, never have a family of his own. 

Sooner or later, everyone he cared about would leave him and Jim would be alone.

Forever.

The world around him shifted back into focus “Alright Lake, are you in or out?”

A sob bubbled up in the back of Jim’s throat. 

The hallway was thick with other students by now, all of them could just step outside and live their lives without fear. He was surrounded by people that had no idea what he struggled with every day and never would.

He was lightheaded, his knees were weak. 

Jim felt almost like a puzzle piece that had been forced into the wrong spot. Trying so desperately to fit in, but clearly not belonging.

“You going to say anything buttsnack?” Steve sneered.

“Jim can totally take you on,” Toby said, supportive and enthusiastic as always “Right Jim?”

It didn’t matter what he tried or what he did. Jim was never going to have all the mundane, wonderful things that everyone else took for granted.

Jim sank to the ground, stirring up surprised murmurs and gasps from everyone in the crowded hallway.

He’d could pretend and maintain the illusion until he was blue in the face, but that wouldn’t change the fact that Jim was never going to have anything more than half a life.

Toby approached him, clearly concerned “You ok Jim?”

Unable to hold it in any longer, a sob forced its way out of his mouth.

He was doomed, he had been doomed ever since that awful night nearly ten years ago. It just took him that long to realize it.

Tears started to dribble down his cheeks, flushed with shame. He knew this was coming, why couldn’t he hold it together for just a little longer? Why did he have to go to pieces here, now, where everyone could see?

Crying in front of the whole student body was a surefire way to doom his high school career before it even started, but then again what did it even matter?

His life was already in tatters, had been for a long time, what was one more thing gone wrong?

More sobs come along with the tears, spilling out harder and faster.

Normal was a pipe dream, something other people got to have and Jim could only pretend at. His life would be ruled by his transformation until the day he died.

Losing any restraint he had left, Jim started sobbing with abandon, regardless Steve, Toby, and the growing crowd around him.

Through bleary unfocused eyes, he saw his tears start to drip onto the linoleum floor.

Despite all the other teens surrounding him, Jim had never felt more alone in his life.

[myfandomrambles]

Maya Hart Character Analysis (Expanded)

Facts:

Kermit was an extremely neglectful father. He eventually abandoned them completely when Maya was about 6

Befriended Riley by running through the windows around age 5 or 6 and stayed friends throughout the show

Her mother, Katy, was emotionally neglectful, putting her emotional issues, fixations and jobs over Maya's needs

She grew up in a lower socioeconomic class then her friends

Befriended and became deeply connected and protective of Farkle at a young age

Struggled in school academically and behaviorally

She latched on to the Matthew family. Going to their house as a sense of stability going there for food and basing her schedule on theirs.

Openly expressed fear around being inadequate and broken. Also expressed hopelessness.

Befriended Lucas, expressed romantic interest in him later on which created an emotionally complicated situation with her friends.

Formed a strong connection with Shawn Hunter, bonding over a history of feeling abandoned and neglectful parents.

Shawn married her mother and adopted her.

Developed a strong crush of Riley’s Uncle Josh. He was old enough for the relationship to be inappropriate by a maturity gap.

While undergoing a lot of personal change she had what was perceived as a kind of identity crisis around trying to be more like “Riley”.

Expressed a stronger sense of hope near the end of the show.

Her parents had a toxic possibly abusive marriage 

Analysis:

Maya Hart loves her friends more than anything, has a habit of getting into trouble, and loved art. She was also deeply shaped by her father’s abandonment and her mother’s emotional neglect. She struggles with a fear of abandonment, anger, a sense of disconnection and views herself as a fundamentally broken person. This is established right away in Girl Meets World (1x01) she assumes Cory think she is not good enough for Riley and believes thinks he would be right to think that. Maya says on more than one occasion that she doesn’t get her hopes up, and doesn’t view the future as good. In Girl Meets Forgiveness Project (2x23) we see how much guilt, anger, self-blame and shame Maya had based on her Father leaving her and having not been there for her before he left

Maya is generally over realistic she believes her view of the world should be down to earth, practical and this often ends up as negative. This comes in a large part from her mother’s continuous inability to accept reality. Katy calls herself an actress when this has never been her job. We see how this affects their relationship and stresses Maya out in Girl Meets Maya’s Mother (1x07) and Girl Meets Master Plan (1x18). In Girl Meets I Do (3x11), she describes the aftermath of her father leaving them, “Just ‘cause I could always hear my mother crying in her bedroom. I’d try to go in and stop her from crying… but I couldn’t.” The fear of having to go through that again with the person who is meant to watch her falling apart, slows her ability to enjoy and move forward during Katy and Shawn's wedding.

However, her impulsivity and creativity often bump up against this practicality when she feels vulnerable like in the first episode or Girl Meets Hollywood (3x18) or when Riley and she get themselves wound up in some kind of scheme like in Girl Meets Farkle's Choice (1x19) or Girl Meets STEM (2x26). Her identity is linked to a fundamental level to her relationship with Riley. In Girls Meets Upstate (3x06) Maya explains how Riley’s family gave her a sense of safety and that she sees protecting Riley as her job. Maya pretty much always takes Riley's side even when she doesn't agree with her perspective. When Riley wants to take away the bay windows in Girl Meets Bay Window (2x29) Maya is deeply unhappy at the idea of losing this and multiple times through the show while she tries to be chill and realistic but when Riley tries to change their relationship she tends to get very emotional. In Girl Meets Yearbook (2x12) Maya tries hard to prove to Riley that they need her for who she is even dressing up as her, Maya loses herself in that identity though wanting to be things that Riley is that she doesn't know how to be.  

Maya is deeply protective of all her friends. The hard exterior she uses to protect her own friends allows her to not usually be as affected during fights like in Girl Meets Riley Town (2x17). With Farkle, Maya has a very "only I can pick on him" kind of approach, being very upset when others treat him badly but enjoy teasing him with their other friends. He is flirty with both her and Riley and they generally don't mind, Farkle also doesn't really mind when they like anyone else and dating Smackle himself. He considers them his girls stating he loves them both Maya seems to take great comfort in this. They are pretty different in a lot of ways but in general play off each other well balancing a lot of the others fears, a good example of their relationship is in Girl Meets Money (2x27) when she helps him understand that not having lots of money is fine because she knows how to be happy with what she does have.

Lucas is also one of the few people who can go toe to toe with her in trading jabs and sarcasm. He's not easily bothered by her and this annoys Maya a lot. In the beginning, I think it's trying to push him away to some extent as he drops into their life quickly and Riley and Farkle keep him around. He gains Maya’s trust through showing her he will protect her friends and him showing Riley and Farkle kindness. Their trading of jabs becomes a lot more friendly. She develops a crush on Lucas, later on, it's confusing as Riley also a crush on him. It causes a lot of emotions and confusion between all three of them. Maya later works out that her emotions were confused with overlapping feelings for him, Riley, and Josh Matthews. This is also tied to the plot about Maya's identity confusion.

Maya's relationship with Smackle is friendly throughout the whole show. They are never particularly close but they do like each other. She and Zay hit it off pretty well both being rebellious, she helps him put his focous on his friends. Her relationships with the other Matthew's are also deeply important. Cory acts as her first real father figure, and Topanga fills in a lot of the mothering gas Katy left. She cares for and likes Auggie a lot, but tends to have the same blind spots as Riley sometimes sees him as a bit annoying or doesn't take him into account. She also has a deeply moving scene of Ava helping her through her parents' breakup.   Her crush on Josh, in my opinion, is a bit unhealthy. While there are only four years between them they have a huge maturity gap. When they meet he is a junior in high school, Maya is middle schooler essentially a child though he doesn't explicitly say he likes her but does call her pretty. In Girl Meets Ski Lodge (3x12/13) he does return Maya's romantic affection which is creepy, he is in college and she is a freshman in high school.  From Maya's point of view, it's a natural crush on someone too old but because it ends in a "someday" I think is not a good way for her to move forward. It comes across too close to waiting until she's legal, and can stop her from fining a different partner. I also think this shows an odd pattern, her other major crush being Lucas neither of them is people she could have. They are also both very linked to Riley while not inherently bad it's interesting.

Shawn and Maya become close quickly, Riley notices that she and Shawn might be experiencing similar problems and quickly forces them to see this too. Riley was correct they both experienced abandonment, poor parental relationships and live in comparably low-income situations. They realize their the same, in the context of these shared histories and in reacting to it as being hyper-protective of their friends, impulsivity and anger. Shawn lets her know that he wants to stop anyone from growing up like that, and through his actions lets her know he wants to make explicitly her life better. They form a father-daughter relationship culminating in his marrying her mother and adopting her. Shawn helping her and caring for her I think is one of the pivotal aspects of her rising self-esteem and eventual ability to say “I’m not giving up hope just yet. I just got it.” in Girl Meets Hurricane (2x9)

In the third season Maya makes some real personal strides her outbursts decrease in severity, she starts preparing her relationships and does better in schools. However she also shifts her presentation to an “un-Maya” way, the others frame it as “becoming Riley” in Girl Meets Triangle (3x05), Girl Meets Upstate (3x06), & Girl Meets Real Maya (3x07). There is some truth, but there is also a kind of troubling implication that there isn’t internal personal growth that can come from multiple influences. I think the others probably are worried by the smaller changes she makes like say her clothes, but that Riley sees this in Maya doing better in school and behaviour I think is a little bit of Riley's own insecurity showing through. In Girl Meets True Maya (3x07) when Maya describes her impulse control as a version of Riley, this is slightly sad as the "good" in her for some reasons can only come from Riley and not be an integral part of who she is. Maya was able to have positive growth because of the influence of everyone, her friends at school, the Matthews, Shawn, and her semi-repaired relationship with her mother. Another huge aspect of this was her starting to have closure with her father, and being older. Maya is a deeply headstrong girl who loves fiercely and finds a lot of comfort in art. She shows quite a bit of growth and starts to work through her trauma in a semi-realistic model, though it would be important for her to continue to address head-on. Maya works hard to grow up and is an amazing friend and family member.

ADHD:

Trouble focusing

Struggles in school

Impulsive

Excess energy

Strong emotional reactions

Hyperarousal

RSD

Distracts easily

Hyperactive

Feeling broken

Hopelessness

Feelings of abandonment

Low self-esteem

Empty feeling

Trouble regulating emotions

Trouble with identity

Acts out because of feelings of abandonment and being inadequate

Fatigue

Oscillates between strong emotions and lack of emotion

Depression:

Feeling broken

Hopelessness

Feelings of abandonment

Low self-esteem

Empty feeling

Trouble regulating emotions

Trouble with identity

Acts out because of feelings of abandonment and being inadequate

Fatigue

Oscillates between strong emotions and lack of emotion

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

(1) Hi, I’m not asking this question to offend anyone, this is a genuine question I have. If I offend anyone for being insensitive I am very sorry. So I've been thinking a lot of the differences between transracial vs. transgender and the more research and opinions I find on it the more I get confused. The main argument against being transracial is that a transracial person hasn't gotten the full experience of the specific gender they are identifying due to them living as birth gender. continued

(2) Like Rachel Dolezal being told she is not allowed to identify as black because she hasn’t gotten the true experience of being a black woman in America due to her living the her life as a white woman. However, can’t the same thing be said, for example, a MTF transgender person? It is undeniable that there is a specific woman experience. And for people (especially who realize they are trans late) live their lives passing as a man and don’t get this experience. (continued)(3) Being a woman is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts. A MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life until they begin to live their lives true to their real selves. Why does this ‘experience’ argument work to discount transracial but doesn’t discount transgender? Again I’m very sorry for this question, I will admit myself it is very ignorant. But I just really want an answer to this and I hope I can get that.Harper says:Hi there, I’m going to assume you are asking this in good faith but to be quite honest the phrasing of some of your questions seriously makes me doubt that. Before I start, I want to clarify as Kii does in this ask that transracial is a term that actually describes someone who has been adopted by someone to a family of a different race, rather than the racist stuff Dolezal is doing.First off I’m going to address some assumptions about being a woman that you make in your question: “there is a specific woman experience” and that that experience “is being catcalled, is being objectified, and is being paid less than their male counterparts.” It’s curious to me that you claim there is an “undeniable… specific woman experience” and then only cite moments that we can see other people who are not women experience. For example, homophobic catcalling, i.e. verbal sexual harassment can and does happen to effeminate gay men on the streets; black men are a site of sexual objectification in much of media, consider pornography for example; gay men, men of colour are also paid less than their male counterparts and have been for some time historically. If you base your understanding of what makes a woman entirely on something like misogyny, you have to be open to the fact that other oppressive forces will coalesce in the same way to recreate similar experiences in similar liberation groups. You should also acknowledge that gendered discrimination doesn’t operate on a basis purely targeting women. I think you should broaden your understanding on how such forces work. I recommend reading Julia Serano’s Whipping Girl:

While often different in practice, cissexism, transphobia, and homophobia are all rooted in oppositional sexism, which is the belief that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive categories, each possessing a unique and non overlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires. Oppositional sexists attempt to punish or dismiss those of us who fall outside of gender or sexual norms because our existence threatens the idea that women and men are “opposite” sexes. This explains why bisexuals, lesbians, gays, transsexuals, and other transgender people — who may experience their genders and sexualities in very different ways — are so often confused or lumped into the same category (i.e., queer) by society at large. Our natural inclinations to be attracted to the same sex, to identify as the other sex, and/or to express ourselves in ways typically associated with the other sex blur the boundaries required to maintain the male-centered gender hierarchy that exists in our culture today.In addition to the rigid, mutually exclusive gender categories established by oppositional sexism, the other requirement for maintaining a male-centered gender hierarchy is to enforce traditional sexism — the belief that maleness and masculinity are superior to femaleness and femininity. Traditional and oppositional sexism work hand in hand to ensure that those who are masculine have power over those who are feminine, and that only those born male will be seen as authentically masculine. For the purposes of this manifesto, the word misogyny will be used to describe this tendency to dismiss and deride femaleness and femininity.

I’d also like to turn your attention to Jacob Hale’s essay Are Lesbians Women? in which he lays out a list of factors of what makes a woman. He does so in such a way where each individual item on the list is not necessary nor sufficient in order to be a woman. For example, although he lists ‘presence of breasts’ as one such condition that is often correlated with being a woman, there are plenty of women without breasts in the world: trans women without breasts, cis women who have had double mastectomies, and so on. Hale also notes that his list is not entirely exhaustive: there’s always the possibility that this list will be added to in future. I’d highly recommend you look at it if you’re after your “undeniable” “woman’s experience”.Next I’m going to look at your claim that “an MTF trans person doesn’t experience those for most of their life.” This entirely constructs a similar narrative for trans women and entirely disregards the possibility that such a person was raised by understanding and supportive parents from a young age and grew up as a girl from an early age. Whatever your argument about ‘transracial’, it’s clear that you already have a reductive understanding of womanhood and a transgender experience. Such forces and experiences that play into gender interact in ways far more complex than what you’ve detailed above. I also want to point out here that you’ve failed to describe how the arguments above apply to trans men: that is to say a trans man who transitions in his late twenties in the western world will probably experience all of what you label as the “woman experience”, and yet they are men. The argument you present is typical of the considerations ‘transracial’ arguments operate with. They are often circulated by people with a vested transmisogynistic interest as a “gotcha!” designed to portray trans women as either dangerous or ridiculous. As a result they are designed to eliminate any shred of transgender voices. What is implicit in the argument you’ve laid out is that 1. trans women aren’t women and 2. trans men are. The argument fails completely to consider how a trans person articulates their own understandings which often run contrary to the line of argument. I urge you to consider how this argument is made and what purposes it serves. Is it an honest exploration of the workings of gender and race or is there a bias or a motive driving the ‘logic’ of the argument.On to the ‘transracial’ aspect of your argument. I hope so far I have managed to draw your attention to the implicit biases given in the argument, as well as the levels of complexities you have yet to acknowledge. Much of the same can be said about how you present race in the argument.First of all, I’d like to draw your attention that considerations of being perceived as a different race is a reality faced by many white-passing people of colour and many mixed-race people who live through this daily. It is a consideration that has been often articulated and is still often articulated. If the argument was an earnest exploration of the shifting and transitory nature of the perception of people of colour in a racist society, would it not rather look at this aspect? If the argument was an honest exploration of the similarities and differences a construction of both racialised and gendered experiences, would it not center trans women of colour’s voices as they are best situated at this intersection of race and gender to experience this? Is it not suspicious that such an argument doesn’t do this? In fact, go read Franchesca Ramsey’s article on this for a black trans woman talking about it, and Riley’s arcticle, a black non-binary person who highlights:

Rachel Dolezal flat out lied about her life and her experiences, and not to protect herself, but to protect the benefits she received and the space she acquired through those lies. She lied to protect her privilege, a trait of white people and all privileged groups. Her life could have been the same had she merely remained the white woman she was. White people already devour space in Black communities as a bonus of their whiteness, but she chose to take her farce further, becoming a “Black” woman who happened to be indistinguishable from the party in power.There is no benefit to being transgender, and there is no harm, but there is every benefit and harm to a white person picking a less privileged race to join because white features are privileged in every race and identification has no effect on that.

(my emphasis added.)In addition to the points raised by Riley and Ramsey, I’d point out that the move to make a blind comparison between race and gender on the basis of “they are both experienced by people” or “they are both social constructs” “so why can’t x” is just so materially and historically off. There is no consideration in your given argument over the differences between race and gender. There is no consideration that racism was founded by a white ruling colonial class to dominate a colonised and enslaved population. Such a population had within it differently gendered and transgendered people. There is no consideration that this domination was a product of hundreds of years of a capitalism that needed a large white working class to carry out a sustained colonial project: a colonial project that is still in action across the world today. There is no consideration of the formation of gender and the nuclear family as a product of the division of labour enforced by capitalism and the ruling classes on the working classes.In effect, gender and race are two different things. They of course intersect, but the ways in which they operate are distinct and different. Reducing both down to a level that strips them of their actual effects and lived realities in order to further either a justification for a racist white woman exploiting black people or to further a ridicule and strawmanning of the transgender community is a shameful act of bigotry posing under a guise of logic and inquiry.

Check out our /tagged/transracial for more commentary. 

[forbessierra95]

Zodiac Reiki Symbol Astonishing Tips

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[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

A very efficient guide to not wasting your time while online dating

In our Love App-tually series, Mashable shines a light into the foggy world of online dating. It is cuffing season after all. 

Let's be real: Ain't nobody got time to waste on online dating. Yet for busy single people, dating apps and websites feel like a necessary evil to meeting people. How else are you going to do it? 

But if you're not careful, finding suitable partners (whether for the long- or short-term) in an endless sea of digital fish can turn into a full-time job. And if you're already working a 9-5 (or worse), you'll quickly want to give up.

Take it from an accidental expert: There are plenty of tips and tricks to better navigate the potentially time-sucking world of online dating. 

Our advice comes with a caveat, though. Ultimately, there's no definitive rule book for online dating. Above all, it's about learning what works for you. Here are 10 ways you can start:

1. Know which app will fulfill your specific dating needs

Sounds basic, but this is essential stuff: There are so many options on the market right now, and each has a different vibe and purpose that attracts a different crowd — from DTF hookups on Tinder to the more longterm aspirations of OkCupid.

We won't go into the subcultures of each dating app here, especially since they often change over time. But do some research to determine which is best suited for what you want out of dating.

2. Don't put too much stock (or time or effort) into online chemistry

It's tempting to get your hopes up when you start chatting with a match and find a text-message-meet-cute straight out of a rom-com. But here's the cold, hard truth: Online chemistry often has zero correlation to IRL chemistry. 

There's a whole host of factors that lead you to be attracted to someone that you cannot gleam from text exchanges. You could waste days or even weeks getting to know someone online, then be devastated to realize within a minute of meeting IRL that the spark just isn't there. 

On top of all that, if you spend too much time getting to know each other before meeting up, you've likely built expectations and a concept of this person that can't live up to the real thing. 

Of course, you don't want to go in blind. So to actually see if an IRL date will be worth your time, we suggest you ...

Who even has time to keep texting someone they don't know?

Image: vicky leta / mashable 

3. Request a quick video chat before meeting up

I know, gross — actual human interaction? 

To millennials who have panic attacks at even the idea of a phone call (hi, it me), this sounds like an impossible task. But actually, an awkward three-minute video chat is much better than sinking hours into an awkward real-life date.

A lot of factors go into attraction that you can't pick up on through photos or even texting. So be bold; ask if they're up for a quick video chat to see if you're both into taking the IRL plunge.

SEE ALSO: Looking for love on campus: Best dating apps for college students

Don't be a creep about the way you ask, like suggesting it as a way to avoid getting catfished. Just acknowledge it may be a bit awk but — hey — you read online that it's a good first step! So why not give it a shot?

Also, if you're worried about giving out your actual phone number or Skype info to strangers, use apps like Kik or WhatsApp.

4. For icebreakers, try one of the famed 36 questions

Regardless of whether it happens on video or IRL, the pressure of trying to make meaningful conversation happen between two strangers is real. So why not start with one (or many) of these 36 questions scientifically designed to help strangers get to know each other quickly?

These questions come from a psychological study by Dr. Arthur Aron, made famous by the New York Times' Modern Love column. And wouldn't ya know, they actually kind of really work.

We know what you're thinking. Isn't it a little summer camp counselor to ask a list of getting to know you questions? It doesn't have to feel that way. If you have chemistry, the questions will only serve as jumping off points for more natural conversation. If you don't, well, better to find it out sooner rather than later.

Just float the idea casually. You can even use it as a way to acknowledge the inherent weirdness and awkwardness of first dates, so why not test this thing you read in the New York Times?

Worst case scenario, your date is impressed that you read the New York Times. Best case scenario, you get to know each other fast and learn whether or not you're a good match.

Repeat after us: Profiles are not people.

Image: vicky leta / Mashable

5. Many people who make bad profiles are actually awesome dates

There's a tendency to make quick judgements based on a person's profile, and that can feel like a time saver. But actually, your assumptions can lead you to miss out on matches that are worthwhile.

People aren't profiles. And profiles that come across as trying too hard, or seeming cheesy, or arrogant, or just not that interesting, can be indicative of someone who's simply new to online dating.

In reality, those who are bad at branding themselves for an online dating service can absolutely still make for great dates. If anything, you should be more suspect of someone with a perfectly curated online dating persona.

So be lenient when it comes to minor faux pas, like mirror selfies or the dreaded fish pic. It's most important to trust your gut and at least give 'em a chance to impress in other ways. There are better ways of determining if someone will be worth your time, like ...

6. Do your research

It can't hurt to know more about your date than what they are willing to put on their profile. So there's no shame in doing a quick Google search before committing any more of your time. 

A recent study found that 76 percent of people spend around 15 minutes on pre-date research. You might want to do a Google image search on their pictures to make sure they are who they say they are (or if their name is too common for a regular search). 

It's not creeping if it's about staying safe and knowing what you're getting into!

However, take most of what you learn with a grain of salt, because (again) the people we are online are often vastly different to who we are in person.

7. Don't be afraid to ask to meet up IRL early on

A lot of online dating interactions die on the vine of people being too scared to make the first move to suggest a next step, whether that's a video chat or real-life date.

If you're a person with limited time and energy to spend on the whole online dating thing, it's even more likely for conversation to peter out. What could've been a great date that'd save you from spending more time on these awful apps is instead a total waste of your already limited resources.

There are no set rules of engagement, so don't get stuck in that limbo. Just go for it when it feels appropriate. And if you're worried about seeming creepy or overeager, explain how you're bad at keeping up with the app and prefer to make concrete plans.

Usually your potential date will feel relieved that someone's taking charge in the uncertain world of online dating. Just make sure you don't frame the suggestion in a way that makes them feel pressured or rushed.  

Take online dating offline as soon as possible.

Image: bob al-greenE / Mashable

8. Pick a go-to spot near you for quick first meet-ups

Do not — I repeat, do not — commit to a full dinner date the first time you're meeting a stranger. 

For all the reasons listed above, it's pretty impossible to know whether someone you met online will work out, no matter how much you vet or research ahead of time. And, boy, there's nothing more painful than sitting through a full-course meal out of politeness.

Instead, have a streamlined process for quick IRL meet-and-greets. Pick a bar or coffee shop near you as a go-to first date suggestion. Aside from saving time, it's also comforting to meet a complete stranger on your turf.

Before meeting, you can even slip in the set up for an excuse to cut things short if it's going nowhere fast. We've found luck with claims of a busy work week, or a pet or friend who hasn't been feeling well. 

Make sure your go-to spot is conducive to getting to know each other: Choose bars that aren't too loud or have open tables. Certain places can even make for good ice breakers. A go-to with eclectic art decor, for example, is a perfect way to start a conversation about your date's taste.

9. Dating is not necessarily a numbers game, but practice helps

By now we're familiar with the cold calculation that dating (especially of the online variety) is a numbers game. You have a statistically better chance of finding what you want by going on as many dates as possible.

That's a double-edged sword, though, because going on a bunch of lousy dates will likely only lead to fatigue and an existential crisis. However, it is true that dating is a skill that takes practice.

So don't treat people like numbers. But do view every date as a potential learning experience. Sure, putting yourself out there more means a higher risk of bad dates. But that's exactly how you learn what you like and don't like, and how to avoid it next time.

Bad dates help you recognize dealbreakers. For example, you might find that people who describe themselves as "entrepreneurs" tend to use that as a fancy way of saying "unemployed and living off my parents' money." 

Next time, it's a hard swipe left. 

10. Be clear and upfront about what you're on the market for

This one applies to all dating, whether on- or offline. It's also one of the hardest rules to follow. 

We cannot stress enough how much time you save by establishing early on what you're looking for. That doesn't mean you have to declare you're on the hunt for a FWB or life partner (please don't do that). Just frame the subject in terms of mutual respect and open communication.

When you broach the subject, stress that you're bringing it up to make sure you're both on the same page, rather than trying to pressure them into committing or keeping it casual. Even choosing the right platform (see point #1) can help do a lot of this work for you.

WATCH: Why it's worth taking the leap and meeting your Tinder match IRL

[jiminelli]

S M | intro

A/N: even though I’m supposed to be on hiatus because of my exams, @official-yoongi‘s fake texts series Soulmate Messenger inspired me to write a new fic, so here I am! the basic idea on how this Soulmate Messaging system works is based on her texts but the rest of the story line doesn’t have anything to do with her work. Feel free to check her series out here ✗

Short note: I’m not back from hiatus yet, I just needed to let this out and wanted to write again to calm my nerves. I’m planning to have a whole story line for this series, so hopefully you guys enjoy this first little sneak peek :)

also I might change the title, I’m not too happy with it yet but my creativity is lacking at the moment so yea.. we’ll have to wait and see i guess hahah

Impatiently you were staring at the clock on your wall, waiting for it to strike midnight. The last minute went by too slow for your liking, making you grow more squirrelly each second that you had to wait.

Knitting your hands together your eyes kept switching between the clock and your phone screen, not wanting to miss the second the message would come in.

Your parents had already wished you a good night, not wanting to disturb you in the moment you’d get probably one of the most important messages of your life. They knew how you’d been waiting for this moment since you were a little girl and wanted to give you time for yourself to enjoy that special occasion.

But to be completely honest, you were scared. Scared that he might not like you for who you are. Scared that he might back away the second he knew about your interests. 

Or better said - that special interest, namingly fangirling over hot Asian boys performing together in groups while you barely understood what they were saying. 

You had already lost so many people in your life because they just didn’t understand you. Not only in that matter but all kinds of. You were different than others and people noticed. You weren’t one to go out clubbing every weekend to get drunk and laid like every teenager did. You read a lot but also fooled around (maybe too much), making strangers think you’re acting too immature for you age. 

Taking your education seriously, you were one of the few teenagers at your high school that had graduated with a plan in life, ready to conquer the world. 

Yet, you didn’t want to have to conquer it alone and even though you had your best friends and family by your side, having your soulmate was on a whole different level and you needed that.

You needed to know that there was someone out there that would take you the way you are, appreciate your flaws and imperfections. Someone who would conquer the world with you together and if it wasn’t your soulmate, who was it then?

Suddenly a thought hit you.

“Wait what if my soulmate is younger than me?”, you mumbled, your mind was running wild, all kind of thoughts making your head go dizzy.

The thing about the soulmate messenger is that you get your message with all the information about your soulmate as soon as the younger one of the two turned eighteen.

So far so good.

Only that you didn’t know if you were the younger one or if your soulmate was the one. You didn’t have any information about the other so the possibility was high that you wouldn’t even get a message that night, even though it was your eighteenth birthday.

What if I get a message but we don’t even understand each other? He could talk a total different language than mine. What if he doesn’t even live here but all across the world?  Heck, he could be blind or mute or deaf and I wouldn’t even know how to communicate with him! 

All kinds of thoughts were bouncing through your mind as the last seconds past and your clock stroke midnight, making your phone screen light up, signaling a new message.

This was it.

The Soulmate Messenger.

You got your message.

And apparently you were the younger one.

After all these years of waiting, you were so close to finding out who your significant other was.

He could be a part of your life already, just as likely as he could be a complete stranger. He could be a fourty year old man, just as likely as he could be a teenage boy or a young man. You didn’t want to have a fourty year old as your soulmate.

You shivered in slight disgust at the thought as you grabbed your phone and shook your head, trying to quiet down all the thoughts in your head.Taking a deep breath, you sat yourself cross-legged on your bed, unlocking your phone and closing your eyes.

Click on it Y/N. Just click on the message. All these questions will be solved in the minute you click on it.

“What if he doesn’t even like dogs? How am I supposed to live with him for the rest of my life if he ca’t appreciate the cuteness of those cute little fluff balls?”, you asked in slight horror. 

Stop thinking and freaking open it, you scaredy cat. You won’t know until you open it.

Like a robot, you managed to move your thumb over the message, ready to click on it as you closed your eyes nervously and opening the notification. Your heart was thumbing harshly in your chest as you pressed your eyes shut, too scared to look at the result.

In the background you could hear your clock click, signaling every passing second that you sat there in silence, full of anxiety. 

Clutching your hands around your phone, you slowly moved them up to your face, gently opening one eye a tiny bit to peek at your screen.

From: Unknown  

Soulmate Messenger: If you are receiving this message, it means that your soulmate has been located. To chat with them please enter your message below. Happy chatting!

📎 (Basic Information about Soulmate)

You clicked on the attachment, too scared to say anything yet, hands shaking from nervousness. Before the information had loaded completely and your heart almost jumped out of your chest, a ringing sound signaled you a new message from an unknown number.

Hastily, you closed the loading information about your still nameless soulmate, opening the new incoming message with sweaty hands.

From: Unknown

finallyyyy

she lives

i thought i’d have to die alone or sth

“Namjoon-hyung, is that really okay? Is this proper English? Will she understand?”, he asked his older friend, biting down onto his lower lip, making his front teeth appear a tiny bit as he furrowed his eyebrows nervously.

“Yes, it’s proper English and yes, if she speaks English, she’ll understand. Now relax. I said I’d help you if you need English to communicate, so don’t stress, I’m here”, Namjoon chuckled at the younger boy. “You can rely on me.”

He was nervous. What if you two couldn’t communicate? If you couldn’t understand each other and always needed help from others to translate? At some point you two would need privacy but if you spoke different languages, there was basically no way to have that. His English skills were more than lacking and if you weren’t Korean, he was almost 100% sure that you wouldn’t speak his mother tongue either.

His legs started shaking as he sat down onto the practice room floor, waiting for her answer and a hint on how this whole soulmate thing would be going for the two of you.

“Nervous” didn’t even describe his current state.

A small smile crept onto your lips as you read through the appearing messages. He was funny. Definitely a plus. So you quickly answered, hands still shaking:

yeah i’m alive hahah sorry for making you wait

i hope it wasn’t too long tho

Plain and simple, not too straight forward but not too cold. Good for the beginning, you thought.

He answered in a matter of seconds.

From: Unknown

nahh it’s okay

honestly i just turned 18 a couple of months ago as well… 

by the way, what’s your name beautiful?

Your eyes went wide at his nickname for you. Not even a minute into talking and he already used a pet name for you, making your blood rush to your cheeks, heating up your whole face.

beautiful huh? ^^ how would you even know?

You waited a little bit before sending the next texts.

oh and my name’s Y/N

what’s yours?

Nervously biting down onto your lip, your eyes focused on the “typing…” sign next to the number. It felt like ages went by until he finally responded, making you jump slightly on your bed.

From: Unkown

you have your icon set as a selfie dummy ^^

well at least i assume it’s you and not a picture you have stolen somewhere

still you’re gorgeous

A squeal escaped your lips as you let your phone fall in between your legs and let your arms spastically move around, face red of embarrassment and body heating up at his compliments.

He was already making you feel like the most perfect girl on earth, when you didn’t even know each other for a solid ten minutes. He was making you feel so special when you didn’t even know anything about him yet. 

The sound of another incoming message, made you sit up again as your little attack had you landing on your face on the bed, giggling like a little child.

Unlocking your phone and immediately being sent to the new message, your chat opened and his message popped up.

From: Unknown

my name’s Jungkook by the way

©jiminelli

[journalofsportsmedicine]

Theory and Experiment in the Science on Human Motor Behavior | Juniper Publishers

Juniper Publishers- Journal of Physical Fitness, Medicine & Treatment in Sports

Introduction

The Experimental Bias

Let us start from the quotation from N.A. Bernstein of 1947: “The overflowing stream of new information in all the branches of natural science and, directly to its growth, the increasing differentiation of scientific and scientific-practical professions, create an increasing danger of turning their representatives into narrow specialists lacking any general horizon, blind to anything except the narrow path that they have chosen in life… it emasculates creative thinking, impoverishes their work with respect to fresh ideas and wide perspectives. Jonathan Swift, also about 200 years ago, predicted the emergence of such “Gelehrters” with blinkers on their eyes, blind, confused cranks; Swift sharply ridiculed them in his description of the Academy of Sciences on the Island of Lagado [1]”.

Typical Experimental Paper A Specific Rationale for Experimental Paper        

In 1963 Bernard K. Forscher of Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota, published the paper entitled “Chaos in the Brickyard” [2]. It is easily available in Internet; hence I will not describe it in detail. Its “take home message” was that we observe the excessive bias towards experimental research while compared with theoretical works. Such a phenomenon slows down the real progress in science yet does not impair the feeling that producers of “new, original, experimental data” are “genuine” scientists. Symptomatically enough, the paper has been written more than half a century ago…

Guy Sorman interviewed Karl R. Popper, who stated: “universities, completely foolishly, have fragmented the knowledge into different, specialized branches; each of them, without any necessity, has been closed into its own ritual and terminology [3]”.

Richard Schmidt and Timothy Lee, while commenting the achievements of Edwin A. Fleischman, wrote: “Fleishman’s work leaves a legacy for future efforts on solving problems of prediction” [4]. What seems worth emphasizing: not “for solving problems”, but “for future efforts on solving problems”.

While comparing with these quotations, the following statement by Gerd Gigerenzer sounds rather ominously: “Some years ago I spent a day and a night in a magnificent library reading through issues of the “Journal of Experimental Psychology” from the 1920s and 1930s… What depressed me was that nearly all of this meticulous work has been forgotten. Most of it involved collecting data without substantive theory. Data without theory is like a baby without a parent: Its life expectancy is low. Are these the kind of babies we want to produce?” [5].

The “limited applicability” (it is for sure understatement) of rough or merely slightly statistically processed “new, original, experimental data” may originate in the phenomenon which Peter Medawar described with the words: “theory destroys facts” [6]. Moreover, only the theories make the science, and not the facts themselves. They may only serve as shapeless ashes, fertilizing the ground on which the theories grow.

However, the “intellectual environment” of the contemporary science is being characterized by two important factors:

I. Easiness of data collecting, especially while using modern technological devices; then quotation of “learned” references and simple statistical processing endows the whole with some “scientificity”.

II. Naïve belief that the quantity of data will “by itself” transform into science quality.

As the “intellectual daughter” of the latter might be regarded the “big data” technique. Cathy O’Neil has shown how dangerous or even disastrous might be thoughtless application of simplified–or even primitive, while compared with the complexity of reality–mathematical algorithms in the regions, where they are hardly useful or not applicable at all. She has even coined the ominously sounding term “weapon of math destruction” [7]. However, the mathematical equations work “by themselves”; hence, they release scientist from thinking. In addition, already in 18th century Joshua Reynolds remarked. “There is no expedient to which a man will not resort to avoid the real labor of thinking”.

This is why Jack Cohen and Ian Stewart argue that “At least 999 out of a thousand scientific papers are about complex details, but the one that we treasure and for which we award a Nobel Prize is the one that reveals a new simplicity” [8]. Still further went Paul Feyerabend, who argued that the society should be protected against science-apparently dignified, with nearly liturgical rituals, but in fact often worthless [9].

To sum up, one might state that the experimental results belong to reality, whereas science resides in the sphere of abstraction. There is no one-to-one relation between them. The gap between worlds of things, phenomena and processes on the one side, and words, statements and theories on the other, has to be bridged by reasoning and concluding, which by no means is clear and unambiguous. Nevertheless, it makes one and only way to science creation. Especially in disciplines, which nearly completely rely on reasoning and concluding, and to very limited extent on experimental data. Like, e.g., the science on human motor behavior.

Let us take as an example a properly elaborated, precisely written, peer-reviewed, solid experimental paper. In 2018 Satoshi Unenaka, Sachi Ikudome, Shiro Mori and Hiroki Nakamoto published in “Frontiers in Psychology” the article entitled “Concurrent Imitative Movement During Action Observation Facilitates Accuracy of Outcome Prediction in Less Skilled Performers” [10]. It bases on results of researches into outcome prediction in two basketball players groups: skilled and less-skilled one. In abstract, they wrote: “The results showed that skilled group had degraded accuracy of outcome prediction in the self-motion condition compared to the observation condition. In contrast, accuracy in the less-skilled group was facilitated in the imitative-motion condition compared to the observation condition”.

In fact, the authors presented the results of their experiments, supported by observations of other scientists (references). They associate, in some places of the paper, their results with the different theoretical findings of other scientists and have processed their results statistically. However, the statistics may make an image of reality sharper, indeed, but it is not able to explain “by itself”, what namely is being presented on the image. In this respect, instructively sounds the following, slightly malicious, reflection of unknown author. “Statistical Analysis: Mysterious, sometimes bizarre, manipulations performed upon the collected data of an experiment in order to obscure the fact that the results have no generalizable meaning for humanity. Commonly, computers are used, lending an additional aura of unreality to the proceedings”.

More detailed, and very instructively, the potentialities and limitations of statistics–and even some “dictatorship” of this discipline in modern science – have been described by Garland O. Ashley [11]. He argued, “The statistical method has become used in altogether too many inappropriate and wholly inapplicable places in our professional life.”

Hence, statistics is a discipline of science for statisticians, but only one of many tools for non-statisticians. It does not build a science “by itself”. Here inevitable is an interpretation (by definition – subjective) and creation of a hypothesis. Unfortunately, Unenaka and his colleagues do not invent any coherent, conceptual rationale for their findings. Let us try to invent a specific rationale. To deserve the noble title “scientific”, it has to be prone to critics and modifications.

At first, let us categorize the “self–motion” as a motor operation controlled with the feedforward mode, and the “imitative-motion”-as a motor operation controlled with the feedback mode. The latter is by far more time-consuming and “intellectually expensive” [12]. However–not without reason–the feedback control mode is being regarded as one of the greatest achievements of evolution. Because it enables learning and perfecting the operations (also motor ones) under consideration. Nevertheless, the final aim of the feedback control mode is… elimination of the feedback loop. One might say that its mission is in fact suicidal. Hence, a skilled performer uses swifter and “intellectually cheaper” feedforward control mode. S/he does not need any extrinsic cue, and-to protect the “intellectual cheapness”-s/he blocks and rejects such cues.

By the way: Already in 18th century historian, Edward Gibbon remarked (very aptly) “the power of instruction is seldom of much efficacy, except in those happy dispositions where it is almost superfluous [13]”.

While analyzing control modes of a motor operation, one might build a specific “control space”. On its one border, we have the “hit-or-miss” method, typical for novices. It relies fully on feedback control; hence, it uses the extrinsic cues. Therefore, it is fully opened to learning process. On the other border of such a space, we have routine, which relies fully on feedforward control mode and ignores any extrinsic cue. Consequently, it is tightly closed to learning process.

In this respect, telling might be such a comparison. My driver’s license is by far older than, e.g., that of Lewis Hamilton. However, he is no doubt much better driver than I am. Because I have attained some level of experience long ago and it is enough for me. It has already transformed, to great extent, into routine. I have only to learn, what mean the warning lights and indicators on the dashboard of my car, which did not exist in 1960s, when I have got my driver’s license–long before Hamilton was born. However, to protect his title of champion, Hamilton has incessantly apply the TTL–i.e., “testing the limits”–technique. He has to be open to incessant improvement of his driver’s competence. In other words, while driving a car I can use the “intellectually cheap” feedforward control, whereas Hamilton is forced to apply the “intellectually expensive” feedback control mode.

The other problem is that the “imitative–motion”, as by Unenaka and his colleagues, needs visual information processing, whereas the technique of free shot in basketball bases on contact stimuli (player’s hand – ball), which cannot be observed from outside. However, a detailed analysis of this problem would need another theoretical paper. To great extent, it has been described in [12].

One more remark. Richard Schmidt wrote: “Since laws are the product of human creativity, different laws can be formulated by two different individuals who are examining the same observations. Laws do not automatically spring forth from the facts [14]”.

Thus, “new, original, empirical data” evoke no doubts, whereas the theory is always ambiguous. Nevertheless, the Science (with great “S”) consists of theories.

Symptomatic are the following statements of Uneneka et al., “In contrast, although learners accumulate knowledge about kinematic-outcome associations during perceptual training via perceptual experience, several recent studies have indicated the importance of motor experience for enhancing prediction abilities of athletes… Furthermore, recent evidence suggests that perceptual and motor experience develop different prediction mechanisms namely visual- and motorbased prediction, respectively. Motor experience more greatly improves prediction abilities based on kinematic cues than does perceptual experience such as observation of other’s action”.

Such a relation between visual and haptic aspects of a motor operation is coherent with the system-theoretical perspective of motor control in humans (1; 12; 15; 16; 17). Accordingly, such aspects are not separated from each other, but they form a single, coherent-yet not homogenous-system. In other words, it is possible to invent a system-theoretical, scientific model which will account for such phenomena. Already in 1852, William B. Carpenter postulated close connection between mental and motor aspects of movements in living beings, sometimes even independent of current physical stimuli [18]. This phenomenon makes a basis for mind-to-muscle and muscle-to-mind techniques [19].

The reductionist analysis of such an aspect cannot explain the mechanism of human motor behavior. Because it “kills” probably the most elusive – and powerful as well – product of a system: the unpredictable, qualitatively new, emergent system effect. While seen from system-theoretical perspective, the science on human motor behavior consists mainly of system effects. This is why in this discipline mathematics seems to be hardly applicable.

              Conclusion

The presented paper may be regarded as a comment to only several, arbitrarily chosen aspects of the typical, proper, solid experimental work by Unenaka and his colleagues. In conclusion, the authors of this paper wrote: “Further studies are needed to clarify the mechanism of enhancement in prediction through concurrent imitation because it is unclear from the results whether the less-skilled participants were actually using a type of motor-based simulation process”.

Instead of a long exegetical analysis of this statement, let us remember the following anecdote about Albert Einstein: “During his stay in Zurich, the woman doctor, Paulette Brubacher, asked the whereabouts of his [Einstein’s] laboratory. With a smile, he took a fountain pen out of his breast pocket and said: “here” [20]”.

It seems more and more evident that in the science on human motor behavior we need like an oxygen the Einstein’s fountain pen rather, and not new, original, experimental data.

Last (but not least) remark. Contemporary science is not a noble searching for objective truth, but simply business. Here applies the rule “publish or perish”. However, to publish a paper, an author has to pay a publication fee. As a result, nowadays the “scientific strays” like, e.g., the young assistant examiner, III level, in the Federal Office for Intellectual Property in Bern, Switzerland, named Albert Einstein -with no financial support from any institution, have no chances to make their ideas known to wide auditory. No matter, how valuable such ideas might be.

For more Open Access Journals in Juniper Publishers please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com

For more articles in Journal of Physical Fitness, Medicine & Treatment in Sports

please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com/jpfmts/index.php

For more Open Access Journals please click on: https://juniperpublishers.com

[wildlyhardphilosopher-blog]

puppy training pads | potty training at 18 months

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puppy training pads | potty training at 18 months

Know Your Pet + – Miniature Schnauzer Coton de Tulear We are always available to help dogs that have completed our training. Arizona’s Premier Training Facility Of course, not everything’s covered there! So some things that may apply… Paper Training Helps handlers understand the body language of their dogs & identify signs of stress eCurmudgeon Remember that, early in training, your puppy does not know the meaning of the word. Therefore you could just as easily teach your puppy to sit with the word bananas (or sit in any other language) as you could with the word sit. The key is to associate the word, in this case “sit,” with the action of placing the hind end on the floor. LEAVE A REPLY (21) Litter & Nesting Get personal recommendations & stay informed Meow Mix sq Ft. Indoor Facility How To Housetrain Your Dog AKC Pet Insurance How to handle your small pet Settle It’s never too early to train Call Toll Free: 877-985-2695 9.86 ARF Emergency Medical Fund® Having a trained dog isn’t the same as having a balanced dog, but if your dog knows a few basic commands, it can be helpful when tackling problem behaviors — existing ones or those that may develop in the future. Happiness Guarantee Amazon Inspire Jump up ^ McKinley, S.; R. J. Young (2003). “The efficacy of the model-rival method when compared with operant conditioning for training domestic dogs to perform a retrieval-selection task”. Applied Animal Behaviour Science. 81 (4): 357–365. doi:10.1016/S0168-1591(02)00277-0 During the first week, be particularly observant. Notice what types of activities (like digging or chewing) interest your puppy. With that information, you can brainstorm ways she can do those activities safely and within acceptable parameters. But you will still need to supervise him when his bladder starts to get full, or when the time is approaching for his next trip outdoors. 12. How To Feed Your Puppy Thank you – I totally agree, but putting in the hours, in the beginning, will pay off the rest of your dog’s life. It is so worth it 🙂 You then slowly move the paper toward the outside where another set is placed and you begin to encourage your puppy to go outside only, before completely removing the papers inside. At this point they will have made the transition. Dog’s Name, Breed, Age (approximate)* Dog Trainers in Tustin To make the first step easier and less scary for your puppy, close the crate door most of the way, but keep your hand inside. Hold onto their toy or food puzzle while they play with it, and praise and talk to them in a comforting voice. Do this until your puppy is comfortable playing even when your hand is out of the crate. 5 Pack Leadership Techniques Keep in mind that accidents are likely, even inevitable. Your dog is learning what is expected of him and can only be expected to “hold it” for so long. Very young puppies in particular have extremely limited control of when they go. Master advanced behaviors & tricks What are the hottest destinations in the Denver area this summer? Well, according to Lyft, the city has become a playground for sports fans and festival goers. Re: how to start Perhaps you have a brand new pup or a newly adopted teen or older dog. One thing that is vitally important to building a happy interspecies household is that your new dog becomes housetrained as quickly and reliably as possible. You should be equipped and ready to start housetraining your new dog from the moment that you bring him home. SUBSCRIBE (Left) Dog Gift Guides Email Address* our career opportunities Prevention is worth an ounce of cure. That’s why it’s a good idea to stick to a limited “roaming-free” schedule, meaning that you will only let your puppy roam free for about 20-45 minutes before putting them back in their “no mistake” zone. This also gives a puppy parent a break to go back doing other things without worrying about what their puppy is up to. Todd Herman In the wild, dogs stare at each other until one backs down or makes a challenge, so you should never attempt to outstare your puppy, especially if he’s nervous. Payment Due Some dogs are smarter than others – but which are the smartest? Do not let your dog stay in his crate for too long before taking him outside. If you wait too long, he’ll have no choice but to relieve himself in the crate. Dogs need plenty of exercise and playtime too, so you should never leave them crated for more than a few hours at a time or overnight. 12 External links Disclosure: This post is brought to you by Business Insider’s Insider Picks team. We aim to highlight products and services you might find interesting, and if you buy them, we get a small share of the revenue from the sale from our commerce partners. We frequently receive products free of charge from manufacturers to test. This does not drive our decision as to whether or not a product is featured or recommended. We operate independently from our advertising sales team. We welcome your feedback. Have something you think we should know about? Email us at insiderpicks@businessinsider.com. Initially, you will have to build your routine around your puppy’s needs, and these are reliably predictable when they are very young. Puppies need to urinate immediately after waking up, so you need to be there to take your puppy straight into the garden without any delay. Trimming Your Dog’s Coat Hi there, please do join the forum https://thelabradorforum.com where we can have a proper conversation and help you. 🙂 Between 8 and 12 weeks (when weeing seems spontaneous), my puppy spends a fair bit of time in there and I paper train them to use puppy pads. How to Clearly Communicate With Your Puppy Delegate Meeting Dates Even small breed puppies can cause damage. Do not ignore puppy biting when you have a small breed dog by thinking that it does not matter because they are small. Large or small, this behavior needs to be stopped early on. This will prevent even more serious biting later on. World Literature Described by breed enthusiasts as… Give me a call! DROP-IN, START ANYTIME! $29.99$39.99 See Our Testimonials Live Pet Nose-to-hand target. Why? Because it’s easy and you can get in a lot of clicks and treats early on. It’s the “low-hanging fruit” behavior, so to speak. Most puppies can learn a hand target in one session easily. With this training, you are making it easy for her to earn treats, quickly building a reinforcement history and putting “cookies in the bank.” (See How to Teach Your Pet to Target). The Canine Strategies Workbook: For People Who Love Their High-Energy, Fearful, Wil… Corporate Volunteer Opportunities Ladders Broncos unveil impressive Dove Valley training center renovations Find a Dog ^ Jump up to: a b c Miller, Pat (July 2004). “Young Dogs Can Learn From Older Well-Behaved Dogs”. The Whole Dog Journal. Retrieved 1 December 2012. Pet Portal Female Dogs in Season Anne & Nelson  Preparing Your Pets for the Holidays Elimination is a natural function, and new puppies in particular can be expected to relieve themselves whenever and wherever the impulse strikes until they are: 1) old enough to control the urge physiologically, and 2) appropriately motivated to pee and poop outdoors. Both factors must be in play before puppies are capable of becoming housetrained. Shop by Pet For dogs that have graduated from Adult Dog Level 1 Seattle Mariners © Copyright 2015, All Rights Reserved Powered by WordPress | Designed by Bdayh 356 Nordic SE In the past it was traditional for trainers to use punishment or dominance to establish a “respect hierarchy for the pack.” But recent research is in favor of a style of training called “positive reinforcement.” Clean up accidents with an enzymatic cleanser rather than an ammonia-based cleaner to minimize odors that might attract the puppy back to the same spot. Don’t be late for class: View our Class-Schedule-At-A-Glance for upcoming classes and socials. Learn More > GIVE A GIFT (Left) What to do if you catch him in the act 16.10 ©2006-2018 Ahimsa Praise Dog Training, LLC. All rights reserved. Content and images may not be reproduced without permission. Partner Spotlight In 1848 W. N. Hutchinson published his book Dog Breaking: The Most Expeditious, Certain and Easy Method, Whether Great Excellence or Only Mediocrity Be Required, With Odds and Ends for Those Who Love the Dog and the Gun. Primarily concerned with training hunting dogs such as pointers and setters, the book advocates a form of reward-based training, commenting on men who have “a strong arm and a hard heart to punish, but no temper and no head to instruct” and suggesting “Be to his virtues ever kind. Be to his faults a little blind.”[6] Stephen Hammond, a writer for Forest and Stream magazine, advocated in his 1882 book Practical Training that hunting dogs be praised and rewarded with meat for doing the correct behavior.[7] 7. Think Las Vegas, baby! Slot machines do not deliver a payoff with each grab of the handle. If ever time you played a slot machine, it paid you exactly the amount you put in, you would quickly become bored and stop playing. Gamblers are attracted to slots because of the hope of hitting a jackpot. Psychologists call this “intermittent reinforcement.” Apply this theory to training your young canine student. Once you’ve taught the basics, bolster compliance by offering a treat intermittently. Keep your pup guessing about when he’ll be rewarded – and how much — and he’ll work harder for that tasty “jackpot.” You could try some bitter apple or bitter cherry spray, but usually when dogs are chewing at night it’s because they’re not tired enough to sleep, I’d recommend upping their daily exercise. After all, a tired puppy is a happy puppy! Archives Packages & Rates Read this book for free with Kindle Unlimited For example, if you don’t want your puppy on the furniture, say ‘No’ loudly and guide him off every time he climbs up. Then praise him every time he gets on the floor.

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[misskatiemo]

My PRK (photorefractive keratectomy) Recovery Experience

I read quite a few PRK recovery blogs before my own procedure, and hope that sharing my own experience helps someone else considering or preparing for PRK.

I was a great candidate for both LASIK and PRK, but chose PRK over LASIK since I didn’t like the idea of an unnecessary flap, which seemed to surprise at least one Dr I had a consult with. 

I sail, so I had to schedule the procedure during the off-season. 

The danger of a rope (line, on a boat) flying around and hitting me in the face and dislodging or moving the flap, however remote, wasn’t a thought I liked, so PRK it was. 

I knew PRK would come with a longer recovery time, but I work for a company that allowed me to take a full week off of work to recover, no questions asked, and even was able to accommodate my location preference so that I would have more family support during my recovery instead of doing it all on my own or relying on friends. 

I went to 3 consultations and felt very pushed toward LASIK at one, and the 2nd and 3rd both seemed surprised that I was so certain that I wanted PRK, but answered my questions about both procedures and the differences between them objectively. 

I bought preservative-free eyedrops (day and nighttime versions) online before the procedure, minimizing the amount of things I had to worry about before the procedure or at the drug store while picking up my prescriptions.

PRE-PROCEDURE TIPS

Do your research. Look into the differences between LASIK, LASEK, PRK, and the other types of vision correction procedures your eyes are suited for. Don’t only trust the Dr’s word, look into things yourself.

Ask as many questions as you want. I asked questions about how long they’ve been doing these procedures, how many of my type of procedures they’ve done, how patients with my vision typically heal / react to my type of procedure, how big my pupils were compared to the laser treatment area (helpful for identification of possible side effects, more in LASIK than PRK but still good to know!), how the pre-procedure communication process would go, any recommended actions I should take before the procedure, what they’d prescribe me to help with pain / recovery, what laser technology they used and why they used it, and even how X laser compared to Y laser (another type of laser used by another place I was considering). If you have a question, ask it -- you’ll never regret asking too many questions.

Get more than one consultation. I went to three places and ultimately chose a Dr based on suggestions by many friends local to the area my family lives in -- that practice wasn’t even originally in my consideration set, and I’m glad I had multiple consultations to compare each practice against as it made me feel much more comfortable with the decision I made.

Don’t spend the first few days of your recovery alone. Seriously... just don’t. In my case I couldn’t see well enough to even order food off a delivery app, nevermind safely make food for myself or even a microwave meal. 

The day-by-day breakdown is below... 

Pre-PRK, my prescription was -2.75 in both eyes with no astigmatism in either eye. No dry eyes, either. 

1 month pre-PRK: I started taking fish oil pills and Vitamin C daily, as while neither were explicitly recommended by my Dr., use of Omega-3 showed increased healing rates for the patients treated with it in this study, and based on the popularity of taking Vitamin C in other recovery blogs (and the fact that it’s not bad for you), I figured it couldn’t hurt. 

2 weeks pre-PRK: I stopped wearing contacts and started wearing glasses full-time. These two weeks sucked and reminded me exactly why I was willingly paying thousands of dollars to have lasers shot onto my eyeballs in T-minus 14 days. I started trying to drink more water than I usually do on a regular basis, aiming for 72-80oz / day.

PRK day (Day 0): I was working until the very last minute before I had to leave for the appointment, and made sure to drink lots of water that day pre-procedure, as close to my 72-80oz goal as possible. 

Once I arrived at the Dr’s office I took care of the normal check-in procedure which included payment in full, and was quickly ushered back to the LASIK / PRK waiting area, which was separate from the main office. They took photos of my eyes with their machine (WaveScan™ Wavefront®), which made a “fingerprint” of each eye, based on 5 (or so) photos of each eyeball. 

As it turns out, my actual prescription in my left eye was -3.23, and my right eye was -2.84. After that, I took 2 Valium to calm my nerves and waited 30 or so minutes for the meds to kick in. The actual procedure started with my eyelashes being taped back, then a device placed around my eye to keep my eye open (right eye first), then numbing drops... and then the Dr took what I can best describe as a small toothbrush-like brush to my eyeball and brushed away my epithelial cells, using a small spatula to move them out of the way after he was done. This took about 30-45 seconds, perhaps more. The tech splashed my eye with water (cold, that I couldn’t feel until it hit my skin next to my eye), and more numbing drops. After that, I was directed to look at the laser (orange light, VISX® Star S4-IR™ laser), and the tech counted down in 5 second increments from 32 to 0 -- 32 seconds per eye. I could see the laser hitting my eyeball in various parts of my field of vision, but nothing hurt (then!). I was, like most people, nervous that I would shift my gaze, but I was assured that the laser would stop if I did... and it never did, so I suppose I didn’t! 

After the laser was done doing it’s thing, the Doc placed a bandage contact on my eye and shifted on to the other eye. After they repeated the procedure on my left eye, the Dr. sat me up and walked me over to an exam room next to the procedure room, and checked my right eye by shining a light into it (the normal white light they shine when you get your vision checked every year), and declared me fit to leave the facility. 

Other blogs mentioned a smell (from the laser hitting your eyeball + it being seared away), but either I inhaled only through my mouth or it was too subtle to notice for me... no smell! I was handed my “goody bag” by a tech, and everything in the bag was explained to my driver (my Mom, bless her), and we left right as dusk set in... me with sunglasses on already and my eyes tearing up due to the light, but not painful since the numbing drops were still in effect. 

On the way home as the drops wore off I started having SEVERE pain in my right eye (my assumption is that the pain was due to the bright light they used right after the procedure to check things had gone well), and had my Mom run into the drug store with my card and ID to pick up hydrocodone, which is what they prescribed for post-op pain, and which I took as soon as I got home. 

I stayed awake long enough to tearfully and quite messily stab at my dinner with my fork while wearing 2 pairs of sunglasses, put some anesthetic drops in my eyes, and then took a nap for a few hours, which helped with the pain in my right eye immensely, as well as the tears streaming down my face from both eyes. 

I stayed awake for another few hours after the nap, took another pain pill and fell back asleep for the next 10 or so hours.

Day 1: I woke up quite early due to falling asleep so early the night before, and did have some pain in both eyes. I was also very light-sensitive, so much so that I took a shower that morning with only a night-light on in the bathroom... and it was enough. I started a regimen of 1 type of drops once a day (in the morning, so I knew I took them), another type of drop 4 times a day (morning, lunch, dinner, bedtime), and the anesthetic drops as often as I needed them, but no more frequently than every 30 minutes.  

I went for a quick visit to my eye Dr and was pronounced to have “gotten a lot of healing done overnight” and clear to leave. He even said that I could back off of the drops I started taking that day 4 times / day to 2 starting the next day. 

Once I got home, I used Siri on my Apple Watch in 30-minute increments pretty much this entire day, and couldn’t do anything more than relax / sort of sleep on the couch with my eyes closed for most of the day... always wearing sunglasses. I did also start using the re-wetting drops, but would alternate these and the drops that helped numb my eyes mostly due to my fear of dry eye rather than a feeling of dry eyes. 

Focusing... when I was able to open my eyes without pain (from the light, in a dim room inside my parent’s house), I was completely unable to focus on anything closer to 15-20 feet to me. It felt like my eyes had been dilated, like they weren’t yet coordinated again for close-up sight. I slept for a total of about 15 hours that day, between daytime naps and other long night of sleep.

Day 2: More of the same, though I was less light-sensitive than Day 1. It was sunny out so we closed the blinds, and I took to my room with the blinds down and drapes drawn shortly after dinner, as my eyes were exhausted and it was painful to even keep them open, though I was able to keep my eyes open for 5-10 minute increments during the day (with sunglasses on at all times), and able to make my own food for lunch without fear of doing an appendage harm. 

Pain pill and eyedrop regimen was still the same as day 1. Pain on both days 1 and 2 felt more like pain around the rim of my eyeball, back into my brain, rather than anything on the surface of my eye. that pain was pretty consistent in terms of intensity for the first 48 hours.

Day 3: Every single recovery blog said that day 3 was the worst day, but on day 3 my eye pain disappeared. I woke up and took my final pain pill, following the same drop regimen (with the modification to 2x / day for the drops I was using 4x / day on Day 1 and 2). I didn’t need the pain pills at all after that, and was even brave enough to venture outside of the house (in cloudy weather, with sunglasses on) for lunch. I couldn’t handle anything more than lunch, and returned to rest for the afternoon.

Day 4: I had my post-op appointment to take out the bandage contacts, where they tested my vision using the letter charts, took out the contacts, looked into both eyes with the bright light again, and pronounced me fit enough to stop all drops I was previously on and switch to the steroid drops I grabbed from the pharmacy pre-PRK... 4x / day until told otherwise. 

Day 5: My light sensitivity has greatly decreased, though fluorescent lights still bother me quite a bit. I started back at work today, a few days earlier than expected, but only for a few hours... with my font size turned up to about 200%. I started the steroid drops 4x / day, and warning -- you can “taste” them in the back of your throat about 20-40 minutes after putting them in, so carry water with you! They taste awful! 

I’m able to focus better closer to my face, though small type still bothers me at any distance. I also noticed a haze or starbursts around headlights while riding as a passenger, with older headlights appearing with a haze, like what appears around the moon before certain weather patterns hit, and other headlines appear with starbursts -- the newer ones seem to do this the most. 

Despite this, I still think I can see at least as well as I could with contacts in, and I don’t notice any more or less starbursts / hazing than I’m used to when I drove with contacts in. Even on day 5, I can more clearly ready road signs in the distance, and my overall distance vision is sharper than it was when I was wearing contacts (likely as I was slightly under-prescribed, but I’ll take it!). 

Day 6: For those who use VSP as their current vision insurance, I heartily recommend that you take advantage of their program benefits for PRK. My plan included a slight discount (5%, I believe) off the prices of the Dr I chose (just sheer coincidence that this particular Dr had a relationship with VSP, as I chose him before even calling VSP to ask about any benefits), AND VSP will add a benefit once your records in their system update to show that you have PRK which allows you to use your regular frame allowance for non-prescription sunglasses. This saved me about $170 in total on the sunglasses I chose, not to mention a bit off the surgery -- well worth the fee I’ve been paying for VSP to carry their insurance IMHO! 

I did work for a few hours starting on Day 5 and continued this through Day 6, but my eyes quickly tired out around the 2-3 hour mark, and I didn’t push it. 

I also noticed some slight dry eye sensations when I woke up on Day 6, which previous to this day I hadn’t felt before. The steroid drops got rid of that sensation, and I started using the lubricating drops about once an hour or so, even if my eyes didn’t feel dry, just in case. I do notice that just after I put the drops in my vision improves slightly, and that lasts for about 5 minutes or so each time. Encouraging!

Day 7: My week PRK-aversary! Today was my first full day back at work and by the end of the day, my eyes felt it. I started getting a headache around 3pm, even while wearing my blue light-blocking glasses (purchase as a precaution to take extra good care of my eyes while they healed post-PRK). Unfortunately there were a few very important things due at work by the end of the work day, so I powered through until they were done, then took a break from screens for pretty much the rest of the night. 

My eyes held steady with regards to light sensitivity and vision quality over the last few days, and I still woke up with slight dry eye, so have continued my liberal use of lubricating drops both during the day, and the nighttime version as I go to sleep each evening. 

Day 8: It snowed on Day 7 and Day 8 (boooo), and I finally felt comfortable enough to drive in it on Day 8, since it clearly wasn’t sticking to the ground. I did drive with sunglasses on, which helped me not to squint even while it was snowing, and I’ve been careful to wear sunglasses outside in every kind of weather since to protect my eyes from UV rays and block out some of the glare with my new polarized glasses. Since I sail and kayak 5/6 days a week for about half of the year, I’m used to wearing sunglasses outside in most conditions anyway, and don’t find it out of normal or too much to think about to just keep wearing them, even if I’m not on the water. 

I did notice that the lights at Costco drove my eyes crazy, so I’m also wearing sunglasses indoors now if my eyes call for it. 

The rest from screens really helped my eyes today, and I slept for a bit longer than usual the night of Day 7 into Day 8, I think as a result of my tired eyes from my first full day back at work. 

Day 9: I decided to buy some additional “cheapo” sunglasses from Target, to serve as a backup for my usual “cheapo” pair (both “cheapo” pairs said 100% Uv protection and are polarized, though I’m not sure they’re as good of a pair as the expensive ones I bought earlier in the week). 

By the end of this trip -- about 30 minutes or so in length peering at small stickers on the lenses and then trying on various pairs -- I was completely wiped out and returned home to nap for a bit. The nap helped, and I spent the rest of the day relaxing and “watching” TV, letting my eyes see but not focus on the screen while I just relaxed and enjoyed.

Day 10: Today was my first official scheduled day back at work, though I did return earlier than expected due to my eyes being able to handle it (and me being slightly bored). My eyes became tired around 3pm, just like the previous week, and I knocked off of work for a few hours due to an oncoming headache I blamed on eye strain. After a few hours away from screens my eyes felt just fine again and my headache had gone away, so I was luckily in no pain and took my evening meeting with some colleagues in APAC just fine. 

Slight dry eye upon waking, small starburts / halos around streetlights and headlights at night, and slight light sensitivity have all been holding steady. 

Day 11: Today was follow-up appointment number 3, and I found out that I’m currently 20/25 in both eyes! Today’s appointment included a more thorough vision test than the appointment 4 days post-op where they removed my bandage contacts, and also included new photos of my eyeballs for the Dr to review (which, of course I saved to my phone so I could look at them as well... not that I really know what I’m looking at!). 

I drove myself to and from my appointment, and while I’m shy about driving at night, I do feel more confident doing so now that I know I’m well within the legal limits (which are 20/40 in the state I’m in at the moment) to do so.

The Dr and his assistants (who both had LASIK at the same practice) assured me that my slight dry eye was totally normal, that the starburst / halos are totally normal, and that I’m healing well. My next follow-up appointment originally scheduled for next week was cancelled, and I was given the all-clear to drop my steroid drop use down to 3x / day for the next month, then 2x / day for the next 2 months after that. Other recovery blogs I read noted that their vision started to rapidly improve once they started tapering off the steroid drops, and I’m curious if I’ll see the same.

My computer screen is still at about 150% and my other side effects are still holding steady, just like they were over the previous few days.

Day 12: I was still dancing due to my 20/25 vision news so soon after the surgery, not to mention the birth of my nephew -- whom I was able to visit in the hospital without light sensitivity and with great clarity so I could see his little face! My eyes were a bit drier than they were on Day 11, but the humidity in the air also dropped very low, which may have something to do with it... maybe not. Either way, the re-wetting drops were still just fine, and per my Dr’s orders I officially started to wean off the steroid drops by using them only 3x / day. Progress! I still needed to knock off work a bit early (around 3:30-4ish), as my eyes were quite fatigued, but they didn’t give me a headache unlike previous days.

Day 13: I drove at night for the first time! I noticed that headlights, especially the new kind v. older cars, cause slight double vision if I look straight at them, whereas streetlights and older-style headlights only have halos. The double-vision isn’t too bad, really. Aside from being moderately annoying I can still tell how far away the car is, if they have their brakes on or not, etc -- I just see two outlines of them instead of one. I did feel completely comfortable driving at night with no dim vision, no significant glares or halos, and only the moderately annoying double brake light outlines on newer cars. Though, since my overall vision has improved so much, I dare say I felt more comfortable driving than I did at night when I depended on contacts or glasses as everything is generally more clear now. I did work a full day, and while I made sure to take a solid AM break, lunch break, and PM break, I did notice that this day was the first day that I was able to get through work without a headache or eye fatigue -- all the way until after 5pm -- success!  My screen size is still between 125 - 150% depending on the program, and I’m still annoyed that services don’t do a better job of making their user experience pleasant (or even usable!) at larger resolutions, even slightly larger ones! 

Days 14-32 (weeks 2-4): Not much to report these days, as thankfully they’ve all been very similar. I still don’t have a lot of light sensitivity (but wear sunglasses in pretty much every outside condition, including rain and snow), do still see mild halos and starbursts, still wake up with dry eyes, and still am using the same non-preservative eyedrops (day and night versions) that I bought in December and thought I’d plow through in less than a week. A month later and I still have about half of them left!

I do notice that some days, while watching TV for example, one eye is “better” than the other. When watching the new Star Wars on Christmas Day, for example, my right eye was a bit fuzzy and left eye was more clear. Enough to be annoying but not enough to ruin my sight. The opposite has been true when watching Mr. Robot or other shows at home, as I’ve noticed my left eye being slightly fuzzier than my right at points, and one my right fuzzier than my left. It seems to even out and this fuzziness is always gone either a few hours later or overnight, but it is something I’ve had to get used to.

I also noticed that when coming back to my home location (since I had the procedure elsewhere), it’s the small things I notice more... like that I can see the “subway line arriving in” signs much more clearly now than before, or that the buildings outside my apartment windows in the distance are much more clear (Including Lady Liberty! Always a great sight.), and that it’s really nice to be able to see waking up and going to bed -- I feel like I’m getting used to things being crisp rather than blurry and my brain is finally starting to accept that I can’t see due to contacts being in, but rather because my eyes are that good again! 

I’m taking reading slowly, as the first book I tried to pick up looked like it had VERY small typeface (my Mom assured me it was normal, as did a few other friends), and I do get mild headaches if I read more than a chapter at a time. 

I’m still taking steroid drops 3x / day and use my daytime drops twice per day on average, and the night-time drops once as I’m going to bed. I don’t take any other painkillers, and I have kept up my Omega-3 (fish oil) and Vitamin C pill daily habits, as I promised myself I would do until 3 months post-PRK.

My next check-up is in about 2 weeks, and in between now and then I’ll be heading into really, really cold weather (-F temperatures!), so I’m making sure to call my Dr to see if there’s anything I need to do for such extreme cold... and of course bringing my sunglasses.

Days 32-41 (weeks 5 & 6): The last week has brought small but very noticeable improvements in my sight. Due to the weather, I’ve been working from home more often than I usually would during a typical week, but when I’m in the office and people are projecting onto a screen across the room, I’ve noticed that I can see the small fonts almost perfectly, and the larger fonts are crystal clear.

This is very noticeable for me, as even when I was wearing contacts I had trouble seeing smaller fonts (or even larger ones!) due to (I think) wearing contacts slightly too weak for my prescription, so between being able to see more clearly for further distances plus being able to read what’s up on the screen so well, I’m constantly being reminded of how much my vision has changed in only a short 6 (or so) weeks.

Reading is still a bit tough for me, and print seems harder than on a screen for some reason. I’ve also had to make a few small repairs to clothes (sew buttons back on, etc.), and I still feel practically cross-eyed when I try to focus on small things with very little color differentiation up close.

My next check-up is in 8 days, and I’m looking forward to my next vision test to see if my vision has improved any since the 20/25 it was measured at about a month ago, and also I’m looking forward to asking my Dr. when my close-up vision should become easier for me and not feel so strenuous! I’ve been trying to acclimate my eyes and have been making a point to read things in print on a daily basis... I’m not sure if it makes a difference, but at least it’s something I feel like I’m doing to help.

As of today I’m only on 2x daily steroid drops, which will continue for the next 2 months. 

My eyes are still slightly dry when I wake up, but they’re less dry some days compared to others, which is an improvement from very dry every morning. I’m still using the same box of preservative-free overnight drops I bought pre-PRK, and I have about a box left of the preservative-free daytime drops (I bought 2 to start with), so I anticipate those lasting me another month or two before needing to switch to the regular “in the bottle” eyedrops. Right now I’m only using drops a few times a day, more at night when it seems like I’m more sensitive to a dry eye feeling than during the day.

I still have halos and starbursts, and those have remained largely unchanged since I first noticed them after the procedure. 

Days 42 - 51 (week 7 - some of week 8 post-op): I officially have perfect / better than perfect vision! My eyes are both independently 20/20, and working together I passed the test at the 201/5 level with flying colors. YYYEEESS! I did mention my continuing morning dry eyes to my Dr and he told me about an OTC medication I could buy (Refresh PM Ointment), which I bought that day but only could find the generic for. So far, so good, as I’ve used it for 2 nights and have so far not had a single dry eye morning yet. 

Starbursts and halos are holding steady at “just like when I was wearing contacts”, so solved as far as I’m concerned. I haven’t had to sew any buttons lately, but I’m officially back down to 100-110% on my computer, tablet, and other screens, which indicates to me that my close vision is still continuing to improve. It’s not perfect yet, so I do plan on bringing this up at my 3-month post-op appointment in about 6 weeks or so if it’s not back to normal. Right now, that’s my biggest worry about my recovery. 

Going forward I’ll be using X weeks instead of days, since days are getting awkward to count! 

[jansegers]

Simple English Word List

SIMPLE1540 : a simple English wikipedia word list based on the XML export of all articles related to the nine major groups: Everyday life, Geography, History, Knowledge, Language, Literature, People, Religion, and Science and retaining all word forms appearing 7 times or more in this corpus. The total number of words in this corpus is well over the 100.000 words. a A.D. ability able about above absence abstinence abstract academic academy accent accept access accord account across act action active activity actual actually ad add addition adherent adjective adult advance advice affect after again against age agnostic agnosticism ago agree agreement agriculture air alcohol all allow ally almost alone along alphabet also although always amateur amendment among amount an analysis ancient and angel animal annals anonymous another answer anthropomorphism any anyone anything aphasia appear apple apply approach archaeology architecture area argue argument around arrange art article artificial artist ask aspect associate association astronomy at atheism atheist atomic attack attempt attribute audience author authority available average avoid award away B.C. baby back background backpack bad bah balance band baptism base basic basis battle BCE be bear beautiful beauty because become bed bee before begin behavior behind being belief believe believing belong below best better between beyond bias biblical bibliography big billion biological biology birth bit black blind blood blue body book born both bottom boundary box boy brain branch bring brown buffalo build building bull burn business but by c. ca. calendar call can cancer canon capital caption car carbon card carry case cassette cat category cathedral catholic cause cell center central century cerebral certain change chapel chapter character chemical chemistry child china China choice choir choose chronicle church circumcise circumcision cite citizen city civil civilian civilization claim clan class classical cleanup clear clergy click climate close closer clothes clothing coast coauthor code codex cognitive col cold collection college colonization colony color column com come commentary commission common commonly communicate communication communion communist community companion company compare competition complete complex compose composer computer concept conception concern condition confuse confusion congregational connect connection conquer conquest consciousness consider consistent constitution construct construction contain contemporary content context continent continue contrary control convention conversation conversion convert cook cooking copy core correct could council country course court cover covered create creation credit crime critical criticism crop cross crust cultural culture current currently daily damage dark data date day dead death debt decadence decadent decide declaration decline deconstruction deep define definition deity demonstrate denomination department depth describe description design detail determinism developed development device devil diagnosis dialect dictionary die difference different difficult difficulty diphthong dipstick direct directly dirt disagree disambiguation disbelief discipline discover discovery discussion disease disorder distance distinct distinction distinguish distribution divide divine do doctor doctrine document dog don't door down Dr. dream drink drown druid due during dynasty each earlier early earth easier easily easy eat economic economics economy ed edge edit edition editor education effect eight either electric electricity electronic element elevation else emperor empire encyclopedia end energy engine engineering enlightenment enough enter entertainment environment environmental epic episode equal era error especially establish etc. etymology even event eventually ever every everyday everyone everything evidence evil evolution evolve exact exactly example except exchange exist existence expansion experience experiment expert explain explanation express expression external extinct face fact failure fair faith fall false family famous far fast father feature feel feeling female feudal few fiction field fight figure file find finding fire first fish fit five fix flow folk follow food for force foreign foreskin form formal former fortune fought foundation founded four fourth frame framework free freedom frequently friend from front fruit full function functional further future gas general generally generation genre geographer geographic geographical geography geology geometry germ get give glass global go god gold golden good government grammar great greatly green ground group grow growth guide guillotine hair half hall hand handbook handicap handle happen happens happiness happy hard have he head heading health hear heat heaven help hemisphere her here heritage hero high highly him himself his historian historical historiography history hold holy home homo hope hot hour house how however human hundred hunter hypothesis hysteresis I ice icon idea identify identity if illiteracy illiterate illusory image importance important impossible improve in inc. incense include increase indeed independence independent indigenous individual industrial industry influence information inquiry inside instead institute institution instrument instrumentation intellectual intelligence interlinear internal international internet interpretation into introduce introduction invent invention involve iron island issue it IT itself job join journal journalism judge just keep key kill kind king kingdom know knowledge la LA label lack lake lamp land landlocked landscape language large last late later law lead leader leap learn learned least leave legacy legal legend let letter level lexeme library life light lightning like likely limited line linguistic linguistics link liquid list literacy literary literature little liturgy live local location logic logical long longer look lord lore lose lot love low lower mac machine magazine magic magnetic magnum mail main mainly major make male mammal man mankind manuscript many map march March mark market mass material mathematical mathematics matter may May me mean meaning meant measure measurement meat median medical medicine medieval mediterranean medium meet member memory men mental mention mercury message metal method mid middle might migrate migration military millennium million mind minister minute misconception miss model modern modernism modernist moment money monologue monophthong month monument moon moral morality more morning most mostly mother mount mountain mouth move movement much museum music musical musicians must my myth mythology name narrative nation national nationality native natural naturalism naturally nature near nearly necessarily necessary need negative neither neologism network neurogenesis neuron neuroscience never new news newspaper next night nine no non none nor normal normally not note nothing noun novel now nuclear number object objective objectivity observation observe occupation occur ocean octane of off offer office official officially often oil old older on once one online only open opera opposite or oral orbit order org organization organize origin original originally orthography orthology other others our out outer outside over own oxygen p. pack pagan page paint palace paper paradigm parent parish park part participant particular particularly party pas pass past pasta pattern pay peace peer penguin penis people per percent percentage perception performance perhaps period peroxide persecution person personal personality perspective persuasion pet phenomenon philosopher philosophical philosophy phoneme phonetic phonetics photo phrase physic physical picture piece pilgrimage place plan planet plant plat plate play please poem poems poet poetry point pole police policy political politics polytheism polytheistic popular population position positive possession possible possibly post power powerful pp. practical practice praise pray prayer precise predict prediction prehistory present preserve press prevent priest primary principle print printing private probably problem process produce product production professional program project pronounce pronunciation proof property prophet propose prose proselytism protection protein provide province psychological psychology public publication publish publisher publishing punishment pure purpose put pyramid quantum question quickly quite quote race racial rack radiation radio rain range rate rather read reader real realism reality really reason receive recent recently reclamation recognize record recreation red ref refer reference referred reform reformation regard region reign rejection relate relation relationship relatively relativity reliable relic religion religious remain remember remove renaissance replace report republic request require research researcher resource respect response result resurrection retrieve return revelation revert review revision revival revolution rhetoric rich right rise ritual river rock role room royal rule ruled ruler run rural sacred sacrifice safe saga sage saint salad same sample satellite saw say schizophrenia scholar school science scientific scientist scope sea search second secondary section secular see seek seem selection self sense sent sentence separate sequence series service set seven several sexual shall shaman shape share she short should show shrine side sign significant silence similar simple simply since single situation six size skill skin slavery sleep slightly slow small smell smith snake so social society sociology soft soil solar soldier solid soliloquy some someone something sometimes song soon sortable sound source space speak speaker special specie specific speech speed spell spirit spiritual spirituality split sport spread square st. stage stain standard star start state statement station statistic statistical statue status stick still stone stop story strange strap strong structure struggle stub student study stutter style subject successful such sugar suggest sun sung sunlight superior superiority supernatural support suppose supreme sure surface survey surveyor sushi sustainability sustainable sweat symbol symbolic system table take talk tam tan task teach teacher teaching technique technology tectonics teeth tell temperature template temple ten term terminology territory tertiary test testament text textual than thank that the their theism them themselves then theology theoretical theory therapy there therefore thesaurus these they thick thing think third this those though thought thousand three through throughout thumb thus ticket tight time title to today together toilet tolerance toleration tongue too tool top topic total towards tower trade tradition traditional train translation transport travel treat treatment tree trench trial tribe tried trig true truth try turn twentieth twenty two type typical typically ultimate ultraviolet under understand understood union unit united universal universe university unknown unsortable until up upon upper urban urbanization usage use useful usually valley value van vandalism various vassal vegetable verb verbal verse version very video view violence virgin visit vitamin vocabulary voice vol. volume vowel vs. wale wall want war warm warmer wash waste water wave way we weak wealth wear weather web website weight well what when where whether which while white who whole whom whose why wide widely wild wilderness will window wisdom wise witch witchcraft with within without witness woman word work worker world worship would write writer writing wrong yam year yellow you young your

China, March and May made this list because china, march and may are on it and I didn't want to decide in favor of the common noun or the proper noun; all other proper nouns have been omitted (even the ten other months that met the criterium of appearing more then 6 times). #SimpleWikipedia #SimpleEnglish #wordlist #English #words #level1540 #Inli #nimi #selo1540