#based off something that literally happened between me and my husband
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the-raindeer-king · 3 months ago
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You're in bed with Simon, who's on leave after some long, exhausting mission. It's your day off, and you've finally gotten home after running errands. You barely get the groceries into the fridge before Simon's dragging you to the bedroom, insisting it's time for a nap.
Both of you are asleep in record time, snuggled up together.
It's sometime later, that you're somewhere between awake and asleep, aware that there's no longer sunlight streaming in through the bedroom window. You're ready to drift off back to sleep, and then something hard hits you in the mouth.
You've just barely registered that Simon elbowed you in the face, when he's pulling you closer, his hands cupping your cheeks.
"I'm sorry. 'm sorry. 'm sorry," he rushes out.
"You hit me," you whine in response.
"I know, love. 'm so sorry."
He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, your head tucked underneath his. It's not like you were really upset to begin with, but it's hard to even pretend to be, with the way he's holding you. And you happily let yourself drift back to sleep.
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crowleysgirl56 · 6 months ago
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Something that I’ve been thinking about for a good 6 months now, ever since Good Omens season 3 was green lit, and that was the three sentence description of the plot that Neil gave in his official announcement interview:
The plans for Armageddon are going wrong. Only Crowley and Aziraphale working together can hope to put it right. And they aren’t talking.
It really makes me think about the book sequel he and Terry had discussed and what was going to be included in that story.
Season 2 was thought to be that story. But then Neil confirmed after the season aired that it was in fact a bridging season that he wrote deliberately in order to get us to season 3, which would be based on the story that he and Terry plotted together in the 90’s and early 2000’s.
Neil also famously never gives anything about his stories away, always excited to tell us to ‘wait and see’. The fact we get this much of a description is quite exciting.
At first glance it doesn’t seem like anything we didn’t already know:
The plot involves Armageddon: Metatron told us as much when he mentioned the second coming at the end of season 2.
Crowley and Aziraphale need to work together: they have always done so before, so this time shouldn’t be any different.
Crowley and Aziraphale aren’t talking: very evident from where we left off.
But did you notice something else? Something hiding in plain sight? The plans are going wrong. And they hope to put it right. So what are these plans? Why are they going wrong? Who made them go wrong? What exactly does going wrong mean? What does putting them right mean? Also, notice how Neil doesn’t say Crowley and Aziraphale need to work together to stop it. Interesting choice of words right?
Now let’s think about the book sequel for a second. For a moment, let’s pretend that the TV series doesn’t exist (*shakes everyone by the shoulders* HEY, STOP SCREAMING! CALM DOWN! The show STILL exists! Just go with me for a second here, and you can go back to remembering the show in a moment! It’s OKAY! *pats everyone until the screaming subsides*). The Good Omens novel is structured with flashback sequences of Aziraphale and Crowley together over time as the story of the Anti-Christ and the Non-Ageddon unfolds. What if the three sentence description of season 3 that Neil gave was the actual tagline of the book sequel? Like, this is literally what he and Terry came up with? Something happened between Aziraphale and Crowley between the end of book 1 and the beginning of book 2, and the second book is telling us the story of the second coming, whilst at the same time providing us flashback scenes of exactly what happened between A&C? That part of the book is the mystery of why these ineffable husbands who spent the last 6000 years together were suddenly no longer talking.
Can you imagine reading that blurb and thinking “WWWHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT?”
Whether the intended sequel involved the story of a memory wiped Gabriel is up for debate. But I understand why Neil devoted an entire season to telling this story, because I don’t think there would have been room to do the second coming storyline and devote enough time to exploring the relationship breakdown at the same time in just 6 episodes.
And if my theories are correct, this is why I don’t think we will get any further flashback sequences in season 3. If we’re really lucky, maybe we’ll get a 1941 part 3 flashback, and a “what happened when they went back to Crowley’s apartment and body swapped” flashback (I’ve drafted some wildest dream posts on these, so look out for them coming in the near future). But unless they’re relevant for the plot, I think we’re out of flashbacks. This next season is likely going to be focusing specifically on the second coming, the consequences, and answering the question what does putting it right mean?!
This is obviously all opinion and conjecture and I could be completely wrong. I just like putting my thoughts down and sharing with others. So if you want to discuss comment or reblog! Let me know your theories! (And as always, please don’t tag Neil)
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smok3r7 · 9 months ago
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One Door Closes & Another One Opens
Joel x OFC!Divorce Lawyer
Explicit, 18+
How Did This Happen?
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Summary: She’s a divorce attorney and he’s a husband looking for help to save his daughter, and himself, from his gambling addict wife. Renae Russo is a woman who fights for her clients and wins. She’s satisfied with her life and what she does, but she wishes she could have a little more. What happens when Joel Miller becomes her client and an old flame of Renae’s reignites in the same breath?
Chapter Summary: Renae’s life is the same; Wake up, go to court, come home, sleep, repeat. It’s not as bad as it sounds, she thrives in this environment, but maybe something can change that. Then there’s Joel, whose life is the same but not - the routine is the same, but the situation as a whole isn’t.
Word count: 2.9k
Warnings: gambling, alcoholic wife
—
“Your Honor, Ms. Fredrick owns this home and that's all she wants out of this divorce. She’s willing to give Mr. Henry everything else; the two thousand, twenty-two Mercedes, the two sets of leather furniture, and the property on Hess lake - it’s all his. As long as he stops fighting for the home in Austin, which he has no rights to.” Renae stands up from her seat on the right side of the courtroom and sternly glances between the older judge in front of her and the other table, which consists of Mr. Henry and his attorney, Garcia Cole.
Before Judge Nick can ask any questions, Renae is already opening a folder and flipping through pages and pages of documents that Ms. Fredrick has provided. “And here are the mortgage payments for the past eleven years that she and Mr. Henry lived together.” She pulls a stack of papers from the light colored folder and struts up to the judges’ bench.
Her black Louboutin’s click on the tile-like floor, the sound bounces around the empty courtroom, her fiery orange curls bouncing as she walks, “clearly showing she is capable of paying the twelve-hundred dollar mortgage by herself, in full.”
By now, Renae is back at her table with Ms. Fredrick’s, who is noticeably nervous but trying to keep her cool because she knows Renae’s rate - she always wins.
Renae swings her thick hair behind her shoulder and smooths the front of her white silk blouse as she stands between her wood chair and the table, clearing her throat before she starts again. “Ms. Fredrick’s name and bank account are also listed as the Homeowner. Legally, Mr. Henry has no leg to stand on, if he doesn’t want a fight-” she turns to her left, making eye contact with him, “I’d suggest he stops while he’s ahead.”
Almost all eight of the Family court Judges love Renae because she’s thorough and does right by her clients - she never fails them, and she’s a bulldog in the courtroom. But what makes Renae Russo so different from any other attorney is that she doesn’t take cases that she doesn’t think are fair. Not because she’ll lose, however, it’s all based on if she thinks the divorce is a necessity. If the wife, or the husband, is getting abused or taken advantage of in the marriage - either literally or figuratively - Renae will gladly help them get out of that situation, and come out with more than they started with, only if they wish.
“Well, I’d have to agree with Ms. Russo here. Unless Mr. Cole can show me bank statements from Mr. Henry that shows consistent payments with no issues, such as any other properties or vehicles.” Judge Nick raises his face from the documents Renae handed him, to look at Mr. Garcia and Mr. Henry, “Otherwise, the home will stay in Ms. Frederick’s name and you’ll receive all other assets.”
Renae has now sat back down, her right leg moving to fold over her left, her black pencil skirt making it a bit of a task, and her medium length, French tip acrylics rest on her thighs as she waits for their answer. She knows they don’t have any rebuttal, so she mentally crosses this case off of her list of many things she needs to do today.
—
The loud noise of the back slider opening and sliding closed, and her drunken laughter, that she says she tries to contain, alerts Joel. He routinely stands up from his brown leather recliner and storms out of the living room, around the dining room corner which leads to a hallway that curves right and turns into a mud room - where she is, fallen on the floor, giggling to herself as she stares back at Joel who towers over.
It’s seven in the morning on a Wednesday and she left at five-thirty PM yesterday. Last night was poker night, her absolute favorite game.
Who is she, exactly?
She is Joel’s wife of twenty years and the mother of their ten year old daughter, Sarah - Annie Miller. The once beautiful and successful business woman and owner of her own beauty shop is now a full blown gambler and alcoholic, and Joel isn’t quite sure how she ended up like this.
The Annie that Joel fell in love with twenty years ago, looks nothing like the Annie that he now just lives with and takes care of. She was a tall lean woman, with beautiful toned blond hair that went down her back, these robin egg blue colored foxy eyes, her eyebrows were thin but sharp, and her lips were Joel's favorite feature because of their light pink tone and plumpness.
But now she looks like a different woman; she’s nothing but bones - besides her beer gut, that makes her look pregnant - her eyes have sunken in and have major circles around them, and she’s lost all color in her face and lips that he loved. But she acts like she looks like her old self, because she still dresses the same with her business casual style and tries to do her makeup and hair the same - but, it just doesn’t work anymore.
The only thing he can narrow down to her downfall, was his and Annie’s sixteenth wedding anniversary and they went to the casino for the first time since they had Sarah. Joel and Annie had an amazing weekend, full of love and laughter - some of Joel’s favorite memories are from that trip. But a couple months later Joel started to notice her behavior change.
Annie would start going out without Joel, her excuse would always be the same, I’m just goin’ out with a couple girlfriends, babe. And at first, Joel was blind to it mainly because he believed she was going out to the bar or somewhere with her friends. Why would he think otherwise? He’s never had to worry about it before and he got to spend more time with Sarah - which felt great because he worked so much and didn’t get much time with her, other than dinner and doing their nightly walk around the block.
However, after that became the norm over the next month and the next month, slowly turning into the next year, Joel started to feel like he was doing everything. Thankfully Sarah started first grade that fall, so with her at school seven hours a day, it allowed him to work with Tommy, his younger brother. They would do carpeting and some other construction for side jobs so Joel could get some extra money in his pocket because all of a sudden, Annie was asking him for money all the time.
She chalked it up to being, the shop wasn’t doing well and tips weren’t coming in like they used to. Again, Joel blindly believed her and he was understanding, told her he would pick up some extra shifts on the weekends to make up for her loss. But, unbeknownst to him at the time, Annie wasn’t working anymore and her business had shut down due to not paying the rent or property taxes for close to a year. So with all her free time, she was actually going to the casino, alone, with Joel’s money.
After another year of no change, besides Annie’s behavior and appearance, Joel finally said something to her. He told her she needed to get help or he was going to leave her - but ultimately, he couldn’t do it. She continued going out every night, with no explanation, but Joel let it slide because he didn’t want a broken household for Sarah, believing she deserves to have a two parent home.
Joel is now starting to regret that decision, because he knows that Sarah would be so much better off without Annie in her life. Or, at least not live together.
Annie doesn’t make it easy for Joel, she’s gone five nights out of the week, for hours and then comes home early the next morning for Joel to take care of her and get her to bed before Sarah gets up for the day. Then the two days she’s home, she sleeps, all day, and she needs Joel to take care of her and tend to her every need. Joel is pretty much a single parent of two kids, the second child being his wife.
“Hi baby,” she drunkenly slurs in a high pitched tone, “I’m trying to be- I hope I was quiet.” She raises her pointer finger with her signature cherry red acrylics, up to her mouth and then whispers, shhhh.
“Get up,” he demands deep and low, as he stands only a couple feet away from her, his arms folded on his chest, he can feel his heart pound against his arms. He wants to scream at her for coming home this late, or early, for being an absolute mess and reckless - but he doesn’t, because he knows he wouldn’t be able to control himself, he’s not sure from what, but it’s enough for him to be cautious.
Annie gives him her classic pouty lip. I’m sorry, darling, she apologizes, but it doesn’t last long. She shifts from remorseful to joking instantly. She starts her giggle-fest to herself as she tries to stand on her feet, ultimately failing and falling back on her ass - slamming her back into the glass door, causing the smack to blare through the whole house.
“Oop- clumsy me!” She laughs to herself, giving up on trying to move by herself, “Help me, baby.” She whines and raises her arms over her head, much like a child waiting to be picked up - the image reminds Joel of Sarah as a toddler, but it’s quickly gone when Annie turns to her right and starts puking on the rug.
Fuckin-A, Joel rolls his eyes and grabs a towel that’s folded in the closet to his left, and waits for her to finish - he has no remorse for her anymore, physically and emotionally Joel is drained from this gruesome cycle. His presentation of himself has also declined; his oak colored hair now has gray streaks and is way too long, it just looks like a mess, his build has thinned out a bit but not much since he’s still working, and his face is always in a scowl, unless it’s with Sarah but people can tell that Joel is not himself.
“Can you stand up?” Joel asks as he sets the towel on top of her mess, to take care of later, “Cause Sarah’s gonna be up any minute ‘n I don’t want her to see this. Don’t think you do either.”
Annie wipes her mouth with the sleeve of her gray sweater, a faint smile still on her face - Joel wants nothing more than to take it right off, but he doesn’t. All he does, while she’s giggling and talking nonsense the whole time, is throw her thin, lanky body over his shoulder so he can take her upstairs with no issues. And all she does is laugh.
The whole time he does this, all he can think about is Sarah and he prays that she doesn’t see this. He hates that Annie won’t get right for Sarah, if it were him, he’d go and get help immediately
however, it’s not Joel, so he can’t dwell on that.
Then like that, his worst nightmare became reality.
“Dad?”
The tired little voice questions behind Joel, just before he reaches the bedroom him and Annie once shared. Fuck, he can’t help but freeze, his mind rushes a mile per minute to think of something but he also knows Sarah is very smart for her age. It’s been four years of chaos, so she’s gotta have some kind of idea of what’s going on.
“Go to your room baby girl, I’ll be there in a minute.” It’s short and sweet, enough for him to get a hold of the situation, but also not scare her. Her yawn calms him down, but what really does it is when he hears her bedroom door shut - he’s able to breathe a little more.
—
The pitter-patter of small paws on hardwood hit Renae’s ears as she unlocks her front door to her apartment. “Hiii Frankie,” she sings as she locks her door. The small golden retriever, no older than a year old, runs up to her with his tail wagging happily and his ears flopping around, and he barks once for Renae to pick him up.
Okay, okay, one second, she laughs while she walks over to her kitchen where she slides her large purse off her shoulder and sets it on top of the granite island. “C’mere baby boy!” She sings as she squats down to pick the handheld size puppy up into her arms, the dog starts to lick her hands and neck before she tells him to stop.
“Were you good for Ms. Pam today?” Renae questions before she stands up and walks out of the kitchen, heading down the singular hallway that leads to her bedroom. Pam is Renae’s dog walker, she comes three days out of the week to help relieve some stress of a new puppy for Renae. The apartment fills with the sound of her heels as she walks to go start her night.
When she gets to her room, pushes the door open with her hip and she’s met with the smell of fresh pine, her favorite scent - plug-in air fresheners and candles are her babies, she can’t live without them.
“Lay right here baby, I’ll be back.” She sets Frankie down in the middle of her king size bed and he sinks into the puffy gray comforter, curling into a tiny ball just floppy ears and bug eyes. Renae then slides her heels off, right one first then her left, then glides over to her walk-in closet, sliding the door open and entering to set her black, red bottoms with her couple dozen other heels she owns.
Turning around, she grabs a large graphic T-shirt with Mario and Luigi on it along with sleep shorts and ankle socks off the middle shelf on her wall. Her nightly routine has become Renae’s life for the past seven years and she’s content with it because she doesn’t have to worry about anyone else, well Frankie now. But that’s only because she’s been starting to feel lonely, all her friends and girlfriends are married, or getting married and have kids - Renae has never given a man a chance for anything more than a boyfriend that she has for a year or two.
It’s not that she can’t hold on to them, she just gets tired of the neediness that men have. She doesn’t want to have to take care of a man who should be fully capable of doing it themselves. Her mom instilled this work ethic into her since she was a kid, Renae always conjured up some idea to make money; Lemonade stands, cleaning pools, mowing lawns, and really anything in between.
So for a man, who’s supposed to be her partner, to come into her life and expect her to do everything for him, she can’t deal with it - she’d end up killing him, no joke.
After her shower and making herself dinner, then cleaning up afterwards, Renae went back to her bedroom for the night. Frankie curls up on her stomach, her acrylics scratch softly through his soft fur as she watches The Hunger Games, a movie she’s seen hundreds of times but she didn’t mind. It’s more for background noise so she can fall asleep, there’s just something about living alone as a woman that when it’s silent, it’s hard to sleep.
But hopefully she can get some sleep to the sound of Haymitch explaining the violent games to Katniss and Peeta, so she’s ready for tomorrow. She couldn’t be more excited, her younger sister, by two years, Gia is coming into town with her eight year old daughter Bianca for the long weekend. Bianca is a mini-Renae, she’s got fire in her that everyone knows resembles her and Gia says she absolutely loves it because she misses her sister since she moved to New York almost ten years ago.
However, whenever Gia comes back to Austin, Renae can’t help but get a little jealous at the life her sister has. Gia has the dream life; Gorgeous brownstone, solid career as a VP at a plumbing company, husband of nine years and he absolutely adores her and Bianca whole heartedly - the man would find a way to walk on water for them. And all by the age of twenty-nine, it’s incredibly impressive.
How did the youngest sister get the life that the oldest dreamt of?
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chadfallout76podcast · 10 months ago
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Major Update: Life...is a changing for me/us (and a sneak peek of Vault-Tec Rises!
Good afternoon!
I wanted to give you all an update on Vault-Tec Rises as well as an update on myself and some major life changes happening this year that may impact our season while the dust settles. Firstly, I'm more than halfway done with our next major feature length episode, "Vault-Tec Rises"...which is technically episode 16, set BEFORE Little Sanctuary of Horrors. It essentially is the story of how everyone came to be there in the first place, what Vault-Tec and the Enclave are really up to, and is the start of our last 4 episodes of the season as the Battle for Appalachia begins.
Secondly, I've shared quite a bit about the journey of these past 10 years with my husband Travis and his struggle with mental health. Many of you were kind of enough to support or share our GoFundMe to help take the pressure off the crushing debt we were under with mounting medical bills and his bills, none of which was covered by insurance fully. Trying to keep us afloat financially has been a long-term struggle of mine and here's in New Hampshire we just haven't been able to get ahead. After having to cancel some of his services last week as we couldn't afford them, we made some major decisions.
The next few months I'll be doing a lot of painting, landscaping, plastering and prepping to list our home on the market. Financially we can't afford to buy again for a while, so we're stuck renting. Based on what things are selling for in the area, I'm not too worried about getting out of it fairly quickly. We'll be moving to Texas, in between Dallas and Fort Worth in a really beautiful, new planned community where leasing and the overall lower cost of living will save us $20k a year which will allow us to not only fix our debt issue permanently, but also they have one of the leading centers in the country for C-PTSD. Once settled, I'd be able to get him more direct help he's needed that we just don't have access to out here.
Texas is going to be a big, big change for us...a huge move, but one I'm eager to make. Our backup editor is continuing to plug away at stories as well as I've had my hands full with work trying to keep the lights on (literally). I wanted to explain all of this with clear honesty so you know what I've been doing, what I'll be doing this year and why it often takes us so long to ship episodes to you. Your patient and support of me really, really means the world to me. The other benefit of this move is that once I'm not strangled hustling for work 7 days a week, I'll have more free time to actually create. Something I really want to do...as there are still two more seasons of Chad and some other projects I really want to share with you all.
I hope to have our 3-hour feature length Vault-Tec Rises completed in the next few weeks, so stay tuned. :) And if you can please excuse how hectic this year will be between selling and moving halfway across the country I'd appreciate it.
Much love to you all,
Ken
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a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual · 8 months ago
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More Clone Wars headcanons that I keep basing off me and my family cause where else am I gonna get inspo from
Both Anakin and Ahsoka try to keep their shared space as clean as possible 
Whenever they’re home and have free time after a long mission they’ll go around and pick up messes and they’ve got a somewhat decent system going until they get to the dishes that’s when war breaks out 
Normally people switch between who loads and who unloads but most of the time it just falls on Ahsoka to do both and she’s tried literally everything to get him to do the dishes
She’s made a chore chart, she’s let the dishes pile so high they’re at risk of all falling out, and she’s ratted him at to Obi-Wan but nothing works except giving him a challenge 
One day out of the blue she said something like “Last one to scale the wall washes the dishes when we get home!” 
And here’s the thing they’ve been doing these competitions for years so she knows he’s more than down 
Rex claims he’s never seen two people climb a wall faster in his life “They were like a blur” is something he mumbled after the two probably broke the galaxies record 
Ahsoka won by pure determination alone her sore arms and scraped-up hands would be worth it when she got home and wouldn't have to do the dishes
Even tho their shared space is relatively clean Anakin’s room is like a death trap
Random clothing items are strewn all over the floor and pieces of droids are scattered among them the first time Ahsoka walked into the room she almost ate shit twice and if it wasn’t for her training she would have hit the floor the second she stepped inside 
It’s a genuine miracle that he’s able to navigate this landmine of crap especially cause he doesn’t have night vision like she does 
Ever since I heard Ahsoka growl that one time I’ve been imagining her doing rottie rumbles (which just means she growls when she’s happy look it up it’s adorable) 
The first time it happened was when Ahsoka and Anakin were watching a movie and they fell asleep 
He woke up basically on top of her and heard quiet rumbling coming from the togruta he quickly got off cause he thought he was hurting her and she woke up confused he asked if she was in pain and all she said was that was the best she had slept in a while 
The next time was when the two had to share a bed with Obi-Wan it ended up working in their favor cause the planet they were on was freezing 
She started to growl again but the two men were 1. Too tired to move and 2. Kind of curious why she was growling 
When nothing changed and she didn’t seem to be exuding any kind of pain or stress they stayed 
After a couple of times Anakin and Obi-Wan managed to calm down this instinctual part of themselves that told them to back up when something growls 
The first time Padme witnessed it was during a big old group hug between her, her husband Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka 
She almost gave it to that instinct if it wasn’t for Anakin and Obi-Wan's calm demeanor 
Honestly it’s kind of become a telltale sign of who’s close to Ahsoka cause most people that she’s comfortable with know the difference between her happy grumbles and the growls that mean she wants to tear someones face off
Both Anakin and Ahsoka hate going to the med bay and the halls of healing or any place that’s got a person with medical training and tools to poke and prod them  
And the healers hate them for it because most of the time the last thing they want to do is chase down a Jedi and his padawan as they’re bleeding out
So most of them banned together to give the duo a pretty extensive first aid kit and teach them both how to use it 
Because for some kriffing reason they’re okay with being poked and prodded at if it isn’t a medical professional
The duo also participates in a decent amount of first aid training which has saved both of them and many other's so no one complains when they skip out on kind of important duties for those classes
As someone who has a lot of older siblings who I’m not related to so it wasn’t uncommon for people to tell me how attractive my siblings were 
So I’m just imagining the other padawans telling Ahsoka how lucky she is to have Anakin as a mentor and while they’re complimenting him she notices a lot of those comments were centered around his age and his looks 
At one point she’s sick of it and just straight up confronts them about it and they turn around and go “Well don’t you agree?” she alternates between being hunched over laughing and hunched over gagging 
Anakin finds her a little while later still stuck in this sick cycle surrounded by a group of concerned padawans 
He tries to get her help cause she’s kinda freaking him out but she stops him and just guides them both away because she knows if he shows more protective older brother energy the padawans are gonna be even more weird 
Literally everyone is too scared to mention Ahsoka’s physical appearance around Anakin 
But there have been a couple of times when he’s on an off-world mission and witnessed some dumb kids pushing their friends in her direction because it’s obvious they think she’s pretty
God forbid they catch a glimpse of him while it’s happening tho cause they walk away shaking like a leaf  
He doesn’t think Ahsoka noticed and even if she did he distracted her with boba and ice cream because she can never turn that combo down
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youcouldmakealife · 1 year ago
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LBTE: Jared (149-150)
In which Jared is the last to find out about his sister's new boyfriend, and he takes it just as calmly as you'd expect.
If you would like to follow along the series page is here.
“Um,” Jared says, when he opens the front door of their apartment to find Bryce beaming right at him.
Like, right at him. Like if Jared had swung open the door without paying attention he might have smacked Bryce right in his beautiful face.
Literally ran to the door like a puppy hearing its human come home.
“I’m allowed to train again!” Bryce says.
“Like,” Jared says. “Very carefully?”
“Very carefully,” Bryce confirms, and then, as if he’s trying to completely undermine Jared’s confidence that he’ll take that advice seriously, bolts into the living room at high speed.
A puppy with the zoomies.
Jared catches “—sorry, had to tell Jared—“, which he thinks means Bryce literally dropped everything to tell him, everything presumably being a call with Elaine. Though it could be someone else, Jared supposes. Theoretically.
“—love you too, mom,” Bryce says, then reappears so quickly Jared thinks he bolted right back.
Zoom zoom. (To no one’s surprise, he did — albeit with ‘one sec I think Jared’s home’ first. Elaine didn’t mind)
“Come on!” Bryce says, and that’s how Jared caps off an entire day at the gym by going to another, closer gym, and trying not to helicopter husband, partly because they’re in public, and partly because Bryce might bite his head off if he gets between him and the equipment after a long absence.
Relationship with Jared over, now gym equipment is Bryce’s best friend.
Jared says nothing, even when a piece of penne lands on the carpet. Bryce is too happy about all the complaining he’s doing to deflate him. And it’s not like Jared’s worried Bryce is going to go hungry.
He does, however, make Bryce clean the pasta up, because if he didn’t he’s pretty sure Bryce would literally not even notice it was there. He has to do it again himself after Bryce does a half-assed job and then puts his nose right in his phone. Thank fuck it wasn’t a tomato based sauce or their carpet would be toast. Why do they even have a carpet? They’re clearly not responsible enough for one.
Seriously, carpet should have disqualified the place.
“Uh, J?” Bryce says. “You might want to check twitter?”
“Signing?” Jared asks on his way back from the kitchen. It’s getting around that time where some of the stragglers realise a contract-less season is imminent and take whatever offers are still available. That or teams realise they’re missing a key piece of the picture and start looking into what’s available and affordable. “Trade?”
“Um,” Bryce says, his whole body a wince, which is — concerning. “Just look?”
No fucking way Bryce is telling him, you can’t make him.
“Did they trade Gabe?” Jared asks.
They can’t trade Gabe. Gabe’s franchise, one of only two players from that Cup season still on the Canucks. He’s a fan favourite, and a sizeable contingent of their younger fans don’t remember a team without him. It’s pretty much an open secret he wants to spend his entire career in Vancouver, and that’s mutual. Also Stephen would fight management. Possibly literally.
Also Jared would be sad, so clearly it’s not allowed.
It has to be someone on the team who means more to Jared than they do to Bryce, considering it’s something Bryce thinks Jared needs to see for himself, which leaves Gabe and —
Literally it’s just Gabe.
Also Stephen, but Jared’s pretty sure Brian can’t trade him.
“Nobody’s traded!” Bryce says. “Just. You need to see it? Instead of me telling you about it?”
Not for a million dollars will Bryce tell him.
If people on the internet are talking about how hot they think Jared’s dad is again, he swears to god —
One of my favourite subplots that doesn’t make the main narrative — Don the DILF.
“Erin’s trending again,” Bryce says.
Jared’s sister trending on twitter is really not something that Jared expected to happen twice. Like, even in a big Canadian market, that’s getting slightly absurd for a the sister of a middle-six forward.
Imagine how she feels. (She again thinks it’s funny)
Bryce gently kicks him in the shin. “You might want to look it up.”
“No thanks,” Jared says.
Bryce kicks him again. “Seriously, though.”
“If I do will you stop kicking me?” Jared asks.
“Yeah,” Bryce says.
Please look this up out of your own volition so you won’t shoot Bryce Marcus, Messenger.
“J,” Bryce says. “He’s clearly not going to pick up.”
Jared hits ‘end’ and then ‘call’ for the fourth time.
Surely he will pick up the fourth time you call to yell at him.
“Maybe just leave a message?” Bryce suggests weakly.
“Are you fucking my sister?” Jared asks when the operator’s finished telling him the number he has dialled is currently unavailable, because Julius couldn’t even be bothered to set his voicemail message after literal years in Canada. “And pick up your fucking phone, Halla, I swear to god.”
Bryce regrets his suggestion.
“What,” he says.
“He’s probably not going to want to call you back?” Bryce says. “If you sound like that?”
“Nobody cares what Julius wants!” Jared says.
“Um,” Bryce says. “Are you — okay?”
Bryce increasingly realising Jared was completely blindsided by this and mentally rewinding to every time he thought Jared was just ignoring the relationship out of pettiness.
“You knew about this,” Jared says with dawning realisation.
Bryce looks shifty.
“You knew,” Jared says. “And you let me find out from twitter.”
“I didn’t know know,” Bryce says.
They have not been formally told, but nobody has been hiding this from them. See: several parts ago, when Erin was visiting a friend in Edmonton (nobody told Jared it was a university friend, as he stated, Jared just assumed it must be because he knows Erin didn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. Neither Matheson sibling is a big friend maker)
“Jared,” Bryce says, then, from the other side of a slammed door, “Hey, that’s my room!”
Jared is sulking, so by all rights the sulking room now belongs to him.
He’d ask if the picture was misinterpreted, like it was with Bryce, but there really aren’t that many interpretations for a kiss. Sure, some cultures greet one another with kisses, but as far as Jared is aware, the Finns are not one of them, and neither are the Mathesons.
Ah yes, the famed Matheson culture. Signs of affection are ribbing, mockery, and snide.
And even if a kiss on the mouth was a Finnish greeting, it’d be one Julius would pointedly not do. Julius doesn’t like participating in things.
This is so accurate but hilarious from Jared because it’s one of the reasons they get along so well.
He’s not your liney anymore. Erin replies. P sure both your current lineys are already taken.
Also he’s literally on a rival team now? That’s like the anti-liney.
Ene-liney.
So you’re not denying it. Jared texts. He originally ended the text an exclamation mark, but that looked too dramatic. He’s fine. He’s chill.
So you’re not denying it!
Is this a thing? Jared writes, after deleting the two extra question marks that somehow popped up.
Is this a thing???
How long has this been a thing? Jared asks.
Officially? Like two weeks.
Before this there was some hanging out. But the euphemism-y kind of hanging out. And some texting while Julius was away. But Julius came back from Finland early, even before it was ‘officially’, which makes it a full-on Thing.
Unofficially? Jared asks.
Idk. You know how it is, Erin replies.
Jared does not know how it is. He can’t even begin to guess what she’s referring to, he has so little awareness of how it is. He met Bryce and that was it for him. Well. Give or take a few weeks and a minor grudge.
Oh we’re calling it a minor grudge now?
Wait no you don’t you were engaged at my age hahaha
Erin obviously knows Jared was engaged at nineteen, and gave him shit for it at the time (her ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a child bride’ is one of my favourite lines in the entire series) but now that she’s nineteen herself?
His phone lights up with another text, which is just hahahahahaha and crying laughing emojis.
She’s dying what were they THINKING.
“Can I come in?” Bryce asks meekly.
“Fine,” Jared says, since it’s not like he’s talking to Erin anymore. Though he doesn’t know why Bryce would want to. This is the sulking room, and Bryce doesn’t seem sulky about this at all.
Only Big Sulky Babies allowed.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you?” Bryce says, perching on the bed beside Jared as Jared tries to forcibly wipe his brain clean. “I just — kind of thought it was something we both knew but we were like, pretending we didn’t know so you could ignore it forever.”
Look at Bryce supportively pretend something doesn’t exist because he fears for Jared’s sanity.
“Don and I are cool now,” Bryce says. “Sort of. Mostly. He hasn’t insulted me to my face in like – a while. Huh. That’s a good sign.”
Don did mean it about Bryce being a member of the family after he married Jared. You don’t insult family. Mock? Sure. Tease? Absolutely. But insult? Absolutely not.
“Why didn’t someone actually say ‘hey Jared, you do know this is a thing, right?’” Jared asks. His immediate family and Julius all know that Jared can be, well —
Someone should have made sure he was aware, is the point.
“I honestly think Erin just wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure it out if no one actually said ‘hey Jared, Erin and Julius are dating’,” Bryce says. “And apparently the answer was a picture on twitter?”
Everyone assumed Jared already knew and was pointedly ignoring it. Except Erin. She knew that Jared would yell at her or Julius when he knew, and therefore he was still in the dark.
Bryce looks shifty again. “Ash told me that Erin said that?”
Which means Ash knows, obviously. And that Ash and Bryce have discussed this. So Chaz must know. And Maia. Not that babies know things, just —
Don’t worry, Jared, I promise Maia didn’t know before you.
Fucking Oilers fans found out about this before Jared did. Flames fans did.
He doesn’t know why, but the fact Flames fans knew this before Jared did makes this so much worse than if it was just Oilers fans.
This is simultaneously a weird thing to get stuck on, yet also totally understandable. Oilers fans are Julius fans. Flames fans are Julius haters. But also may remember Erin from Bryce drama. Also fuck Flames fans, all Jared’s homies hate Flames fans.
Jared’s phone buzzes from where he tossed it after the last emoji round. He bets it’s more hahahahas. Possibly some skulls. Erin likes to die laughing.
She can’t hahaha any longer, she’s already dead from laughing.
150. Affront
Jared thinks people are supposed to be afraid of death. He’s pretty sure that’s common, reasonable. When threatened with death, people should feel fear. But what is Julius Halla doing right now? He’s laughing. At Jared.
He basically lived with you, Jared, he knows just how little true bite there is in you.
“Stop laughing,” Jared hisses. “You traitor.”
“Who am I a traitor to,” Julius says. He sounds vaguely curious, like someone who’s been accused of something ludicrous, and is interested to see how you came to that conclusion. Which is rich, for a traitor.
But who is he a traitor TO, Jared?
“Me!” Jared says. “And friendship! And lineys! And — there’s a code!”
I do enjoy Jared continually using Julius being his liney as a reason when they have now been divisional rivals longer than they were ever linemates.
“You think it’s the definition of toxic masculinity,” Julius says. “And that it frequently treats women as objects and prizes to be won, and also acts like showing affection towards your friends is gay. And you’re gay, and you think showing affection is disgusting, so obviously there is no connection.”
He listens <3
“She’s like, ten!” Jared says. “She’s way too young for you.”
Julius is very quiet. “How much older than you is—“
There’s about a two and a half year age difference between Erin and Julius. Bryce and Jared’s is just shy of four years. As Julius well knows, the bastard.
“Eating my food and dating my sister,” Jared says. “Who is a child.”
“How old were you when you got engaged?” Julius asks.
Jared can only an inarticulate sound of rage in answer, because Julius knows exactly how old he was when he got engaged.
The answer is ‘exactly as old as Erin is now’. As Julius is well aware, the BASTARD. Also, a missing word, my bad.
“Wait,” Jared says, suddenly horrified. More horrified. “You’re not engaged, are you?”
“No!” Julius says, sounding equally horrified.
This question isn’t the reason Julius doesn’t want to get married, but it certainly did not help.
“How did this even happen,” Jared moans. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything. Why didn’t you tell me.”
This feels like a trick question.
“I wanted to wait to tell you in person,” Julius says. “Because I was concerned you’d be, well. You know.”
People keep telling Jared he knows things that he does not know.
“I don’t know,” he says.
“Hysterical,” Julius says.
“I am not hysterical!” Jared says.
This might be more believable if Jared hadn’t shrieked that last bit.
The fact Bryce bursts out laughing in the living room contradicts that statement, but Julius can’t hear him. And maybe it’s coincidental laughter. Maybe Bryce is watching something funny. Because Jared is not hysterical.
“Wait, Erin didn’t think I’d be hysterical?” Jared says.
Look, Jared may deny he’s hysterical, but also — why didn’t Erin think he’d be hysterical? Even if he isn’t. Because he is not. But also — really?
For all of Erin’s many
many
many faults, an inability to predict Jared’s behaviour is unfortunately not one of them. She used her predictive ability for blackmail purposes way too much when they were younger, always caught him in the act when he was breaking the few house rules he ever broke then threatened to snitch if Jared didn’t do shit for her. He made her so many grilled cheese sandwiches. To this day he associates grilled cheese with smug smiles and extortion.
Admission of hysteria. Also Jared makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Worth surveillance for blackmail purposes for sure.
“But I was in Finland at the beginning of summer,” Julius says. “And then Bryce injured his shoulder, and you went to Vancouver, and there was no good time. And then twitter.”
Julius, if asked, would say they were a thing months earlier than Erin would. But they had not yet defined the relationship.
“She’s fine,” Julius says. “She thinks it’s funny.”
He sounds faintly scandalised. Which is understandable, because it’s not funny.
“Did you tell her it’s not funny,” Jared says.
“I did,” Julius says. “She says she gets to decide if it’s funny or not.”
“But it’s not funny,” Jared says.
“I know,” Julius says.
Counterpoint from Erin: it’s fucking hilarious, you’re both just boring.
“Don’t like —“ Jared says, then pauses, because there are a lot of different demands warring in him right now. “That’s my sister, Halla.”
“I know,” Julius says. “Would it help if I told you I have
strong
feelings—“
“Gross,” Jared says. “Stop talking.”
“Okay,” Julius says, sounding greatly relieved.
I love their friendship. Every time feelings are involved they both react like cats getting sprayed with water.
“No,” Jared says. “Obviously it is. Did you know that they were together?”
There’s a silence.
“Mom?” Jared says.
“
did you not?” his mom asks. “Jared!”
NOBODY was hiding this from Jared. Nobody.
“Erin’s spent more time in Edmonton than Calgary since her semester ended,” mom says.
“She has a friend there,” Jared says, then, “Oh.”
Yes.
There's only one direct reference to Erin and Juliusïżœïżœ relationship before Jared finds out in the series, because I had to ride a careful line there, as Jared hadn’t noticed anything, so his POV wouldn’t really reflect the information he wasn’t paying attention to.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared demands. ‘Friend’ is not telling him. ‘Friend’ is a euphemism you use when the other person already knows.
“I thought you knew!” his mom says. “And were just immaturely pretending that as long as you didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t actually happening!”
Jared thinks it might be a concerning sign that the two people who know him best both assume he thinks that if he pretends something hard enough, it won’t happen.
Yes that might indicate something about you, Jared.
“Yes!” Jared says. “Why aren’t you mad about this? Your daughter’s dating a hockey player. A hockey player. And you’re letting her?”
“You’re a hockey player, Jared,” his mom says. “As is your husband. And literally all of your friends.”
This isn’t exactly Grace’s mom upon finding out she was dating Raf.
“That’s just people in general, sweetie,” his mom says. “And we know Julius is a nice young man.”
“He is not,” Jared says. Julius is many things, but he is not nice.
“You know what I mean by nice, Jared,” his mom says.
He’s not a nice boy, but he is a good one. Also he speaks Matheson quite fluently.
“You can’t just assume that I like him.”
“Jared,” his mom says. “You love that boy. You brought him home for Christmas.”
“Out of the kindness of my heart,” Jared says.
“You brought home someone you don’t like for Christmas out of the kindness of your heart,” his mom says. “And then you invited him to your wedding. As one of the handful of guests who wasn’t immediately related to you or Bryce. Out of the kindness of your heart.”
Jared, we all know there is not even close to that much kindness in your heart.
“Obviously you like him, or he wouldn’t be one of your best friends,” his mom says. “And since you’re choosy about who you’re friends with, that means a lot. You have extremely good taste in friends, when you actually bother to make them.”
Jared picks at the hem of his shorts.
Jared thinks it’s quite rude for his mom to use facts and reason against him when he is intent on being unreasonable.
“Gross, love,” Jared says.
“I won’t tell Erin you love her, I promise,” his mom says.
“Good,” Jared says. “Ew.”
How dare anyone say he loves his (demon) sister.
“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you making this all about you?”
“No,” Jared says.
“Jared,” his mom says.
“Well it’s a little bit about me, isn’t it!” Jared says. “He’s my friend. And liney.”
“Former liney,” his mom says. Everyone’s so fixated on that part. Liney status can last past being teammates. Look at Jared and Chaz: linemates for life. Even though Bryce subsequently stole Chaz a little, despite the fact they played on completely different lines on the Flames. Not that it’s stealing. Couples share.
Jared can share. Look at how good Jared is at sharing. He only holds Bryce befriending Chaz against him a little, years down the line. That’s sharing.
Eventually Julius is going to get exposed to Erin’s sparkling personality.
He’s had some exposure therapy, rooming with Jared.
Jared would mention that long-distance relationships are highly prone to failure, but he’s pretty sure mom would bring up how much of his relationship with Bryce involved long-distance, and Jared is frankly sick of people reminding him of his own extremely successful relationship, and not letting him be hypocritical.
What bullshit.
He hates arguing with his mom. It’s like arguing with himself, except worse, because at least when he argues with himself, he always technically wins.
The best kind of argument.
“You remind me so much of your dad right now,” mom says.
“Mom!” Jared says.
“A little Don in the making,” his mom says. “He’d be so proud.”
Jared tries to tell her to take it back, but all he can manage is an inarticulate sound of rage. Again.
The cruelest thing you could say to him.
“I got Thai from that place on Burrard you really like,” Bryce says, then, all in a rush, “Sorry for assuming you knew about Julius and Erin and were just pretending you didn’t instead of like, actually not knowing. If I knew you actually didn’t know I would have told you. Or made Erin tell you because it wouldn’t be my place to tell you or. Are you mad at me?”
Sala Thai, for anyone curious. Also, poor Bryce. He really did think Jared knew.
“Did you get me soup to shut me up?” Jared asks.
“I got you it because it’s your favourite?” Bryce says, looking both hurt and confused.
Poor, poor Bryce.
“—and doesn’t he realise what Erin’s like?” Jared says. “Because he is going to be unpleasantly surprised when he gets to know her a little better.”
“Uh,” Bryce says. “I think he’s had a pretty good preview of what Erin’s like?”
BRYCE, NO. I mean, you are 100% correct, but NO.
“We are nothing alike,” Jared says.
“Erin made the exact same face when I said that,” Bryce says. “Like. That’s almost creepy.”
“You’ve said this to her?” Jared says.
“Yeah, because you’re both—“ Bryce says, then, “Ow! She did that too!”
Why do Mathesons keep smacking Bryce’s arm when he tells them the truth?
“We’re nothing alike,” Jared mutters.
Bryce says nothing, but he’s got this look on his face like ‘I’m humouring you right now by not arguing, but you know and I know that you’re full of shit’.
“Stop — looking at me with that face,” Jared says.
Bryce huffs out a laugh. “Erin said—“
Jared can’t hear him.
“Jared,” Bryce says, muffled. “Jared, I know you can hear me.”
Jared cannot.
Erin wasn’t immature enough to put her hands over her ears though, that one’s all Jared.
“Take it back,” Jared says.
“No,” Bryce says. “I’m not pretending something isn’t true just because you don’t like it, that’s ridiculous.”
Jared picks up his noodles.
“I got you soup,” Bryce says sadly as Jared stomps right back to the sulking room, this time with dinner.
Poor, poor Bryce.
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andyling · 2 years ago
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Heyyyyy so session 5 sure was a time SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
BOOGEYMAN 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO WITH TANGO OF THE TEK
Team Ties really woke up and chose violence this session
were they even trying to kill anyone? i think they just wanted chaos
TANGO BOOGEY TWICE IN A ROW HELL YEAH LET’S GO
TEAM BEST FLASHBACKS TEAM BEST FLASHBACKS 
soooo Team Bites hmmm, let’s see how long that lasts
Skizz I’m sorry, but Bdubs betrayed y’all before in Last Life and he sure as hell will do it again
EVERYONE STEALS THE MEAN GILLS’ SUGARCANE LMAO
I think the whole reason Team Ties blew up the bread bridge was because they had too much TNT and all of them are obsessed with blowing shit up
Like they didn’t go for anyone’s actual bases, they weren’t trying to destroy resources, and they weren’t trying to kill anyone
motherfuckers just wanted to make things go boom
AND I AM IN FULL SUPPORT OF THAT WOO GO TEAM TIES
Tango’s toaster PSA caught me so off guard WHO GAVE HIM THAT IDEA?!?!? WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?!?!?
the fact that Tango had already accepted that their tower was gonna get destroyed, mans may be insane but he’s fair that’s for sure
awwwwww them chanting MVP to Etho is so sweet
tango’s the server resident professional warden wrangler now
good to know Tango still remembers every person that’s wronged him
TANGO FINALLY GOT REVENGE ON BDUBS FOR LAST LIFE HAHAHAHA WOOOOOOO ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!! >:D
also Tango getting an effective trap out of tnt minecarts is character development, good for him! :D
soooo does Tango have the most time out of everyone on the server now?
team bites did not last long askdghajsghkjadkdsak
Nosy Neighbors and Team Ties becoming allies is not something I expected to happen, but it is very welcomed
Team Ties are actually pretty great to have as allies as long as you don’t spite them, then honey you got a big storm coming
THE SATISFACTION I FELT WHEN TANGO BROUGHT UP LAST LIFE TO BDUBS IS IMMESURABLE HELL YEAH BABY REVENGE IS SWEET
Jimmy “sad boi” Solidarity everyone
Love how Jimmy spends most of Limited Life acting as though he’s in a Let’s Play series
mans is in the middle of a death game and he’s like “Alright gang, today we’re getting sheep!”
gotta love how the title for “most antagonistic team on the server” keeps bouncing between the Bad Bois and Team Ties 
Flower Husbands and their never-ending divorce
bye bye bad bois bread bridge
why is Joel specifically blaming Tango akjfjhdkasghkadjs
it’s hilarious how they’re all questioning why Team Ties blew up the bread bridge when the actual answer is probably “they like blowing things up”
no thoughts, head empty, just boom boom
WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT GRIAN’S ALLIANCE WITH SKIZZ THAT SEEMS LIKE IT SHOULD BE IMPORTANT IS IT STILL INTACT???
BRUH JIMMY IS SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THAT FROG DO YOU HEAR HIS VOICE GODDAMN
awwww judge judy and executioner jumped to Jimmy that’s cute
PEARL NO
poor judge judy and executioner :(
Grian is so appalled at the carrot cake oh my gosh
GRIAN CALLING THE FROG CONFLICT A SIDE PLOT, THAT’S CANON
dude Grian is so done with everything 
the Bad Bois and the Clockers are family now, this family tree is wack
Scar you can’t call them Boomers when Bdubs was literally on a team called the Boomers on Hermitcraft with Impulse and Tango
AMAZING HOW THE BAD BOIS WENT INTO THE TIES BASE AND JOEL AND JIMMY HAD NO IDEA WHY
this is why we all think Grian’s gonna betray them
GRIAN’S SHEER PANIC WHEN GETTING ATTACKED BY THE ENDERMAN MY MAN WAS LOSING HIS MIND
everyone is so nonchalant about reds this season 
Zombiecleo watches her children make poor decisions for 40 minutes
Cleo packing snacks for Bdubs and Scar and then sending them to be supervised elsewhere is so funny
sending them to Etho was probably not a great idea though considering Team Ties need supervision themselves 
they don’t have any which is why they’re constantly going off the rails
LMAO CLEO OVERHEARD TEAM BITES ENTIRE CONVERSATION
I LOVE THE SUBTITLES THAT CLEO PUTS IN HER VIDEOS THEY’RE SO FUNNY
ooooooooh Bdubs is in troubleeeeee
it really does feel like he’s being scolded by his mother LMAO
Scar really decided to make up a whole ass holiday and not tell anyone else on the server except for his family and only to give them presents
BDUBS WHAT DO YOU MEAN ETHO STARTED SMOKING HELLO???
love how aware Cleo is of whatever the fuck is going on with Bdubs and Etho throughout the life series
THE ENDERMAN ARE REALLY GOING OFF THIS SESSION
honestly i think Cleo dislikes Team Ties because of Etho and Etho specifically, like she seems pretty chill with Tango
“if you’re gonna be an absent father could you at least be absent” GOES SO HARD HOLY SHIT CLEO GO OFF QUEEN
Bdubs is so close to being disowned by his family
CLEO AND SCAR KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT BDUBS IS ABOUT TO BE BOOGEY KILLED AND SAYING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HIM
whelp Team Bites is dead
THE AWKWARD FAMILY DINNER OH MY FUCKING GOD
“Bdubs, how was your day?” Etho asks fully aware that his teammate blew Bdubs up because of Boogey and a two season long grudge
“This episode is weirder than the one with the fever” IT REALLY IS
ETHO DIDN’T EVEN FLINCH WHEN BDUBS PLACED THAT TNT DOWN MANS JUST CARRYING ON AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED
“wth is this dynamic?” YOU TELL ME CLEO YOU’RE THE ONE PLAYING INTO IT DON’T ACT LIKE YOU AREN’T
mom and dad are fighting
WHY ARE THEY PLAYING CATCH WITH A TNT MINECART WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM 
“sometimes children only learn the hard way” THEY NEVER LEARN
i don’t even think Etho was trying to kill them, all of them are just insane
this is the reason that skizzle didn’t go red first, THIS IS THE REASON
Etho is definitely losing the custody battle
CLEO’S PANIC UPON HEARING SCAR’S ABOUT TO GO RED
i’m getting flashbacks with “the red army rises” goddammit
what the fuck is wrong with Skizz
In conclusion, next session is gonna be WILD
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thecloudstan · 10 months ago
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Yeah, I thought the entire time that it was AC Sephiroth in remake but that he was just using clones the entire time and not showing up physically until he literally rips through time itself. By the way, what did you think of the ending as a whole? And how they handled Aerith’s death? In my opinion there wasn’t any emotional impact for her death because the second she dies you just go into boss battle after boss battle and the time shenanigans happen, and you have no time to breathe and absorb it. The ending itself I found confusing, but I can’t say I completely hated it. I think all the time stuff is interesting and it makes me more invested in the third part because- presumably- that’s when all the questions get answered. Maybe that’s just because I never played the original though and wasn’t even a fan of FF7 until remake came out.
This is a very intriguing question, and as someone who has been playing this game since its 1997 release, I can only answer based on my experience. None of this is meant to sound unapproachable or anything...I just have an embarrassing amount of knowledge and attachment to this game and its characters...so...
I found how they handled Aerith's death to still be deeply stressful, emotional, and impactful. By that point, my husband and I had nearly convinced ourselves that they wouldn't go through with it. We expected her rescue, some sort of immediate fallout that would tie Zack in, and that the third game would be a sort of "World of Ruin" wherein the events have to be fixed and set right in order to stop Sephiroth. While Cloud DOES act, it doesn't result in her rescue in the way we anticipated. I'm actually really happy about this! Theorizing is fun, but I don't WANT to be right about everything. I'd like to be surprised.
In the original, Aerith dies, there's a VERY brief conversation between Sephiroth and Cloud, and you're immediately launched into a fight with Jenova. PROBABLY still crying your eyes out, because Aerith's theme is playing all the while, and just the juxtaposition of those two things was incredible. The party had just lost her and they're fighting for their lives. You, the player, have just lost her and now you're fighting, too. You don't have a choice. You don't get to rest. There is no respite.
Every step through the Forgotten City in Rebirth was nail biting, and her loss was still a tear jerker for me because the devs had thrown me enough off kilter that I kinda had no idea what to expect and had come to doubt my own predictions. Furthermore, it really did pull up a lot of latent emotion tied to this loss. It will always be deeply emotional for me with this game. In ways, I'm not even a good person to ask because I've been so intensely in love with them all for the past...27 years? I imagine the anticipation alone is giving old fans something to chew on that perhaps newer fans just can't relate to. I don't want to paint with too wide a brush. Everyone is different and I just have no other perspective than my own (admittedly very specific) experience.
I have no notes on the ending. I guess I'm actually really happy with it because a lot happened that I didn't expect and couldn't have predicted. I didn't approach it as something that needed to impress or regale me, rather I was curious what they would do and how I could immediately leap to interpret it. It was the same with the Remake ending. Everyone hated it and didn't understand it, but when the dust settled it became something to pick apart and theorize on. They gained my trust with Remake, so Rebirth to me is just a "sit back and enjoy" sort of experience. I also know what's happening because of my knowledge of the original. I know what's happening to Cloud, I understand Reunion, I know how some of these things come to their resolution in the third game (which is basically only the half way point of the original game). Of course, I'm sure they'll change it up because they've VERY MUCH been telling the same story by slightly different mechanisms, but I see the setups already in place in Rebirth.
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theshotsheardacrossworlds · 1 year ago
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Laugh
A little fic based on @maxima-priscus's Estinien laugh cameo. SFW.
When Estinien Varlineau laughed, his wife could not help but smile. She often told people one of her favorite things about her husband was his laugh.
Not that many people will ever hear it.
In this moment though, the ones hearing him laugh were Esme and Agnes.
Esme, as usual, was cooing in her highchair.
Estinien was laughing his fucking ass off in the kitchen.
Agnes wanted to laugh. She really did.
Instead, she glanced at the ruined nameday cake on the floor and frowned.
I worked so hard on that cake. Now he has nothing special for his nameday dessert

Hands on her wide, soft hips, she shook her head and tried not to cry. “I’m sorry, love. I can go out and buy something—”
He continued to laugh so much that tears were streaming down his face. “Ex-excuse me!” WHAT THE FUCK IS SO FUNNY?!?!?! YOUR NAMEDAY CAKE, WHICH I SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON, IS NOT FUNNY!!!!! He was so hard that he was wheezing. After what Agnes thought was quite literally forever, he wiped his eyes, and his breathing began to even out. “Forgive me, I laughed that much in sometime.”
“But that was your cake!!! Your nameday cake!!! It’s on the floor!!!!” She said exasperatedly, gesturing wildly to the cake on the floor. “I WORKED HARD ON THAT CAKE, SER!”
He stepped over the cake and hugged his wife, chuckling softly. “Aye, that it is. Between you spending so much time on it, tripping over your own feet, it falling, and your face as it all happened
twas so humorous, my love.”
Her face against his shoulder, she snorted. “Glad to know my baking misfortunes are so bloody amusing.”
His body rumbled as he laughed a little more. “Oh Agi, worry not. It’s just cake—”
“No, it’s a chocolate cake with snurlberry cheesecake filling, and whipped cream topping—”
“Just cake. Besides, I’ve my nameday dessert right here.” He smirked, grabbing a generous handful of her behind. “Best dessert on all the star.”
“YOU NAUGHTY MAN!” Agnes squealed, breaking free from his embrace. “Naughty man with the sexiest laugh on all the star!”
I love you, my grumpy dragon. I love your laugh. I love that I get to it every day.
However, I also loved that cake. It was going to be so good!
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sissytobitch10seconds · 2 years ago
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Generational
Fandom: Wednesday (2022) Summary: They all knew that it was going to happen eventually, but Enid is the first to bring it up- like always. Warnings: Mentions of pregnancy and discussions of shitty parenting Word Count: 1,099 Ship(s): Wednesday Addams/Enid Sinclair/Xavier Thorpe/Ajax Petropolus/Tyler Galpin
Archive link!
A/N: I don't know where this came from it was just in my head and then I had to write it. In this they're all adults and they've been married for some time. I was purposefully vague with what happened with Tyler after S01 so you can decide how they all got together! Stay sissy and bitchy everyone <3
“So Enid and I have been talking,” Ajax announced as he walked into the massive master bedroom that he shared with all of his partners, the aforementioned werewolf clutching his arm.
“That’s never a good sign,” Xavier winced as he looked up from the canvas he had been working on. He had very recently gotten a commission from someone to do something in charcoal, so his fingernails had been stained black for weeks.
Tyler kicked him weakly, just enough to make his chair budge. He turned towards their partners and asked, “What about?”
Enid turned so that she was facing the husband next to her, the smile pulling at either of her cheeks so hard that it looked borderline painful. “Ajax and I have decided that we want to have kids!”
The consistent steady tap-tap-tap of Wednesday’s type writer stalled. Her fingers were hovering a few centimeters away from the keys as her brain pulled away from the fictitious novel that it was creating and back towards the real world. She tossed a look to her fiance and then over to the two husbands sitting near their coffee table. “This was inevitable, wasn’t it?” she asked.
“You knew that Enid came from a big family. Of course she’d want kids,” Tyler replied easily. “Ajax is a bit more of a surprise for me.”
“I wanted children as well, after I met all of you,” Wednesday replied easily. It had gotten easier for her to accept the concept of motherhood and marriage when she realized that she could have a different version of it than her mother had. She didn’t have to stay home, tending to the house and taking care of whatever children she did or didn't have based on her spouse’s desire. Instead, she could work as a forensic scientist and write her novel while others tended to the house. Enid had assured her that she was fine to do housewife duties with Tyler in between her big events every couple of months. Ajax was really good with kids, so she knew that he would most likely become the primary caregiver for them as well.
“Do the rest of you not want kids?” Enid asked, her mouth flickering down into a worried frown for just a moment.
“N-no, I think we all want kids too,” Xavier quickly corrected. His eyes were darting around to the rest of his partners as if he was worried that he was saying something wrong. It bothered the rest of them that even after all of this time, literal years spent away from a siren or his father, that he was still this nervous to speak his mind.
“Great!” Enid clapped her hands eagerly. She almost skipped across the room so that she could cup either side of his face and bring their lips in together for a searing kiss.
Xavier chuckled, gently prying her away from him with his pigment covered hands. “Baby, we actually have to talk about this.”
The werewolf let out a grumpy little noise and then plopped herself down into his lap. “What is there to talk about?”
“Well, who’s going to carry the baby, who’s going to father it, when do we want to try and conceive, where would we even put a child,” Tyler listed off several of the questions that popped into his head when he first heard his wife’s statements.
She looked at him for a moment and then sunk lower into Xavier’s lap like she had suddenly realized that her plan had been foiled. Wednesday finished typing the sentence that she was on and then gracefully made her way over to the living room set up that they had in their bedroom. She sat down on the couch next to Ajax and said, “I could carry the first child. I always wanted to know what pregnancy and childbirth would be like for someone like me.”
“Are you sure? You’d have to give up coffee, poison, and alcohol for like nine months since we don’t know how that would effect a baby with our  mixed genes,” Xavier said carefully. They were all aware that they had been given the Addams’ family curse when they had married their wife, but it was still uncertain if the baby would have the same resistance to death that they now did.
“I could do it. Do you think that I couldn’t?” she asked, raising one perfect brow in a challenge to her husband.
Enid spoke up before the two of them could get in a hissing match that would result in some very distracting sex. “Well if Wednesday wants to carry then that’s one problem that’s solved. Also, this house has like a billion rooms so we could just make a nursery out of one of them. As for when we start, why can’t we do it right now?”
“You’re just horny,” Ajax giggled with a dopey smile.
“I guess we are pretty settled into our jobs and it’s not like we’re struggling financially. But who would father?” Tyler nodded. He grasped his hands together in his lap for just a moment before he said, “I don’t think that it should be me. I don’t want to risk passing down any of my hyde genetics. I know that none of you mind and that Wednesday likes it but I wouldn’t want to give my issues to a kid that didn’t even ask for it. And I don’t want to turn into my mother.”
“I didn’t turn into my mother,” Wednesday replied but she was very obviously respecting his wishes. While she liked to push his boundaries and edge him out of his comfort zone, she knew that forcing him to genetically father a child when he didn’t want to was past an unspoken boundary.
Xavier blew out a breath, which moved a couple of the long blond strands of Enid’s hair. “I’m not sure if I want to either. I feel like I’d be passing on the whole ‘Thorpe Empire’ bullshit that I had to grow up with. My father still hasn’t let go of that shit,” he grumbled. He wrapped his arms tighter around his wife to try and forget how much of a problem his father had been in the last few years. “If we want to start trying to have a baby right now then I don’t want to father it. I’ve got some thinking to do before then.”
The last of her husband’s turned to face Wednesday, his face soft and near stupid as he said, “I guess it’s just us then, huh raven?”
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whatyourusherthinks · 4 months ago
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The Front Room Review
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*Walks onto stage in front of the mike* Ahem. *Looks left, then looks right*...A24, as a movie company, is overrated.
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BOO! BOO THE HERETIC! BOO ME! I DON'T CARE! Half the A24 movies I've watched have been GOD AWFUL. Do you want to guess what The Front Room is, Buggnutz? Based on this opening, bad? Wrong, IT'S WORSE THAN THE EXORCISM. A MOVIE THAT WAS SO BAD I COULDN'T COMPREHEND WATCHING IT. HOW YOU ASK? I wasn't goin-
What's the Movie About?
This is a "psychological horror" movie about taking care of an old lady. Not an old lady possessed by a demon or she's a witch, or the characters have to do it while being chased by a monster. Just a regular old woman. She's incontinent and racist ooooohhhh spooky.
What I Like.
The ending made me laugh. Unintentionally, yes, and a major part of that laugh was bitter since I wasted two hours of my life watching this piece of shit. But I'm saving the empty 'What I Like Section' gag for something really special, so what do you want from me?
What I Didn't Like.
The scariest thing that happens in this movie is a dream sequence about an adult man being breast fed by an old woman. That sounds horrifying. ...Fair, but they don't get up close with any details to make it disturbing. It's just kinda gross. That's what a lot of the movie is. It never goes too far with anything so it's not like it's supposed to be scary, it's just like... Do you want to watch a montage of flushing toilets? Or see every character vomit at some point? Not really. Those dream sequences are bizarre, and not in a fun psychedelic way. In a "someone told us this movie needs to be scarier and this was the first thing that we came up with" way. 90% of this movie is the old lady (who has a ridiculously over-the-top southern accent, check "Roan complains about accents" off your Bingo Card) being overbearing or obnoxious on purpose. It doesn't help that the dialogue is possibly the worst I've ever heard. It's not just that it's unnatural, it all sounds like it went through Google Translate twice. That's not the only poorly made part of the movie. They somehow fuck up the continuity between shots of the same scene! Seriously, there's a part where the the main character is putting on two earrings, the shot cuts to her husband saying something, and then it cuts back to the main character getting up to leave and she only has one earring on. How the fuck did that happen? And AMAZINGLY, despite ALL OF THAT SHIT, this movie is pretentious. The villain of the movie is basically a Southern Baptist strawman, and the lead is a a wet dream for someone who believes that "woke culture" exists and is fully in favor for it. The first scene (Well, the first scene after a ridiculously long credit sequence. Seriously, I think the end credits are shorter.) is the main character teaching a bunch of bored Gen Z'ers about the symbolism in chairs is actually about "Goddess". Then she quits her job because they were boxing her out of classes because of racism. Like... On principal I should like all that, buck the system and this is the reality flack people have to deal with and all that. But the way the movie presents it is very unlikable. It gets even worse when the old lady in introduced. Every aspect of this character is presented as the worst a human being can be, and while yes, the old lady says and does some reprehensible things, there is a difference between faking being pushed over and telling the nurses your step-daughter-in-law pushed you, and hanging up a crucifix. There's literally a part of the movie where I said, "This seems movie really hates Christians." The movie hates the elderly even more. I think the biggest problem the main character has with the old lady is that she has lost control of her bathroom functions. Like, yeah, it's gross and a pain to deal with along with a baby. But they way the movie harps on about it is so needlessly mean. There is a scene when the old woman messes the bed in the night, and the way the couple reacts feels really cruel to old people. Christ, this movie is red-pilling me. Even Reagan didn't do that. But don't worry everyone, the movie has a happy ending. The main character smothers the old lady to death with a pillow.
This is how this movie is worse than the Exorcist. Because at least the Exorcist doesn't advocating for euthanasia.
Final Summation.
This might be the most half-assed movie I've ever seen. It's so half-assed that it might be more appropriate to say it's quarter-assed. Or one-eighth assed. Like there are some ideas here that could have been interesting or scary, but the movie makers were too lazy to actually make it such. Is A24 resting on their laurels? Like after Everything Everywhere All At Once was declared the best-movie-to-grace-this-sinful-earth, they just decided to stop trying? Why did they do that after I decided to do this stupid "watch every movie that comes out" thing!?
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the-firebird69 · 4 months ago
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Hulk vs Abomination | She Hulk breaks the fourth wall | Episode 9 Finale
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I guess my husband makes some funny noises when he starts getting big he's doing it already a little bit but his shoulders grow out and it hurts a little his arms get biggie he says I'm kind of heavy physically heavy and it might fall asleep a little on them just say no it means his arms are heavy enough that they'll fall on the floor but most of it is a metaphor to people noticing that they're kind of weighty and the analogy is to Tommy F and it ships into my husband and our shifts in the same he's green and he's yelling come at me bro and it's the grandson of trump and Trump comes in I think it's Trump they're saying it's actually his son and he's fighting his son and it's wrong and Tommy f is trying to grab the girl while they're doing that and then other people come in and start fighting it doesn't make any sense but they're after the girl so kind of does make sense a little bit I mean it starts a big fight between them and goes on for a while and it's stupid it really is awful and yeah Trump is the lizard man and eventually wins the fight but it started to fight in the wrong way he was trying to protect the girl and I figured it out but he says what were you doing holding on to her so they can't reach her and I had her up there and he was trying to grab her so he says don't do it that way this is how do I do with them I didn't want to start a fight and here's you starting a fight she says we have the power and we should use it and not come out and knock them out and he says really an idea I'll start over but really it was horrible and his father is an ass Trump's an ass and you can see it stupid and it's making a mistake but yeah it didn't look good so they have made an analogy to us and it will be our son and daughters and father and mother are considered to be the son and daughter at times getting in trouble with the grandkids who are just grabbing people in a bar while my husband is telling people off of the trumps because he's big and we don't know if it's going to happen now and they're bigger than before and they're professional armies and they have been removing a lot of these base protections and it is getting up there around 25 30% in the east and about 25% in the west and it was is going to go to A fever's p pitch pretty soon. but he's funny he's got jokes he said I'll be in the mall and he'll say if you can "come at me bro" and you can see it looks his arms and he's heavy and he's strong and he feels good and so about some sort of barroom issue and it's not going to fight a monstrous guy but he might stop a monster in other words they come in and they have a few guys and a jerks and it's not his mom that got grabbed but he be saying for them to grab her away from the trumps and kind of makes sense and then one of the Trump's helps and it's because of what Trump is doing and how his influencing people and more shortly it is exciting because he'll be pretty big
Hera
These little spots of small doses are helping to heal and to damage the chemicals further that are stuck in him there's a few people who see that he is getting bigger including himself but it's not something that measures it looks visibly bigger and it's stretching out the muscles which is good it kind of balled up and not too big and at this rate which will slowly increase towards the end of the month he will probably gain only 10 lb in August but there will be a gain jungle this is only the 10th and we're not halfway through the month they're already fighting over about 25% of the bunkers stuff because the security is gone it's a big war already and it's probably too much for him to handle already and they're going for another 5 to 10% today each hemisphere and still only totaling 10% of course or literally it's 10% each hemisphere so really it doesn't add up to 20% no but that would be 40 or 35% tomorrow it's been going up a little maybe 33%. That's a lot then it'll be 37% and so on we're expecting several quick bursts of growth when they open a large in the opening large tonight and they'll keep doing it and keep going up and it's kind of slow it really is Trump has about half of the cities bja is doing testing no he knows he's sitting on them and he's been fighting aggressively believe it or not but the max are going to start and he needs to get stuff and the trumps will have to get their stuff out and they're going to find the other way at their own bunkers it's going to increase tonight in the western hemisphere has the max begin attacking
Hera
We can't wait this is so droll and boring these people are terrible this can all sorts of stuff going on and they don't want to do anything and they they drop it by and go look in their heinous evil pieces of s*** we got tons of material and we're going to start penetrating with it and I'll think it's a game and boy that's stupid. The revolutionary war is something to look at. So he's going to look
Thor Freya
Olympus
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novankenn · 20 days ago
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Fall had become winter and once again spring had awaken on the kingdom of Vale. It was a rather unseasonably warm day and the Army of Arc Angels had descended upon the nearest park. It was utter bedlam and chaos. Emerald, the Super Nanny, as the media had nicknamed her for he ability to wrangle two dozen children, all in or near the terrible twos with seamless skill; was in her glory
Pyrrha and Weiss had to step in with their agents and legal teams to make sure Emerald was given her proper royalties for the comic series based on her likeness.
On a bench nearby watching the literal platoon of children he had fathered, sat Jaune Arc. He was happy, and relaxed, even though Pyrrha, Wiess and Ruby were all once again expecting. Not far away Cinder pushed a specially crafted pram. Beside her walked Salem, who Jaune was hoping wasn't a distant relation.
Jaune: I would say it... but something would happen, so I'm just going to enjoy the day.
????: NO! NOT GOING TO LET THIS SLIDE!
Jaune: This doesn't sound good.
Cinder: You stay away from my angels! You're not taking my happiness from me!
????: Your happiness? You Tried to Kill me!
Salem: *Waving for Jaune as she stepped between the two women* Please there are children present.
Jaune: *Approaches, allowing his goofy lovable face swap to his dad means business face.* Mam, I must ask you to step away...
????: NO! This NOT fair!
Jaune: Mam, please. Can we move this... conversation to somewhere more... private? *Jaune waves for Salem to get Cinder's babies over towards Pyrrha and the others* There are children present, can we not... expose the,
????: I...
Jaune: Please. I will go with you and Cinder so you can have a... conversation, but away from the children.
????: Fine.
The scarred dusky-hue skinned brown hair woman walked off. Jaune nodded to Cinder and then motioned for his wives to hold back. So Jaune and Cinder followed the young woman to stop a short distance away.
Jaune: Now...
????: She tried to kill me! She did this *points to her scars* to my face! And SHE gets to have a happy ever after? Where's mine, huh?
Cinder: Amber... I... I'm sorry. I am. I know it doesn't excuse or change anything but I was in a very bad place...
Amber: Damn right it doesn't change anything! Yet here you are a villain, an evil .... *sees some of the children looking their way* witch, and you're rewarded? *starts to sob* A loving family, beautiful children? *Falls to her knees crying* Why? Why? I didn't ask for this... why do I have to suffer?
Cinder: *drops to her knees and wraps her arms about the despondent young woman* It's okay. Let it out. It's okay...
Jaune: I have 28 right now, another 9 on the way... why do I feel like I'm going to be seeing that drama-queen doctor again? *Sees Cinder looking up at him, and sighs. He knows that look, and can see it appearing very soon on his wives' and other baby-mama's faces*
Jaune: If the gods are listening... if this happens... like I know it's going to happen... because you'll for what ever reason... ALLOW it to happen... please not triplets... and maybe a son?
Jaune freezes for a second as images of his childhood being the center of attention for all his sisters flood his mind... and then he multiplies by a factor of 5...
Jaune: No. *Looks up into the sky and clasps his hands in prayer* Forget I said anything about a son!
Cinder assists Amber up onto her shaking feet, before escorting her in to the waiting concerned arms of Pyrrha, Weiss, Ruby, Yang and Blake.
Jaune: In fact PLEASE let there be no more kids! Just let my wives console her and find her her own husband, PLEASE?
Pyrrha: Shout out to the man that made me realize I was bi....
Ruby and Weiss each being held under the crook of her arms...
Pyrrha: AND into polyamory! 💕💕
Ruby: Eh?
Weiss: Huh?
Vanishes into JNPR's dorm room with them...
Pyrrha: 💕💕 Jaune honey! I found our WAIFUs!!! 💕💕
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ilyr · 3 years ago
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(Plotted in different dimension;Earth 2169
Karina is a business woman here
TW:piss play,feet play and tits job)
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*Ding Ding Ding Dong*
Announcer:Officer Y/N,please come to Ms.Karina's office now.She demands to see you.
"Fuck her,always calling me in the middle of lunch break"I said to myself after hearing the announcement.Karina is a nice boss but she always call her employees during break times and I'm also one of them lately.I excused myself from my employees and rushed up to the office.I had to fix my suit before knocking on the door or she'll end up scolding me and soon,I found myself getting promoted to higher position in the company,second promotion during fifth year of work.Just finished signing the new contract and closing the deal.I couldn’t help myself but to steal glances at Karina’s body for multiple times and pretty sure she has caught me doing it but I can’t help myself since her body is legit thick and tight.
“Congratulations” Karina said after closing the file and staring at me seductively.Next thing I know,all our clothes are on the floor and Karina is between my legs,squeezing my cock between her tits and kissing the tip.It’s not the first time thai happened,like we’ve had sex at her office,her house,club and even at my place too.She have her husband but being a pilot,he couldn’t be with her all time and she is here taking everyone she wants in her room;employee,investors and even from strip club for gang fun.I also have girlfriend but she won’t let me touch her body until honeymoon,so for the sake of work I have to choose Karina.
“Do you like it,slut?Do you enjoy seeing yourself between men's legs?”I grabbed her face and gave a sharp slap on her right cheek.She whimpered softly but kept on using her soft pair around my cock.Her melons were big,soft and squishy enough that everyone want it around their cocks.After a few moments,her head started to bob on my cock,giving me a sloppy blowjob.Her warm,wet cavern wrapped around my cock arouses my hormones but best things come the last.Grabbing and putting her hand behind her head,I pushed her head deep on my cock and I can feel it already touching her back of throat.A few more seconds and she started to gag on my cock with saliva drooling on the side of her lips.”Being useless as always?”I kept her head at the base of my shaft before letting her go and making her cough in suffocation.
“You’re leaving?”Karina said while wiping her saliva but not for long,another hard slap landed on her left cheek,making her fall down on the floor.”Saturday full day date,no choice for you” Karina said and walked to her calendar to mark it.Seeing her booty swaying side to side,I decided to follow her and spank her ass before leaving to work a boring job.
Time passed by and Saturday came,we decided to have lunch first but during that time,her legs were touching my crotch and being seductive that she literally went under the table and touched my private part. Thank god no one saw what she did.”Let’s go watch a movie,I want to enjoy this day”Karina said while linking her arm to mine as if she did nothing earlier.After 30 minutes of her being picky on movies,She chose to go with something I’ve never heard of but she’s in charge,so let her be.
“Would you like some more?”Karina asked at the snack bar and her other hand was secretly touching my crotch which I had to intertwine her fingers or others will see.Our spot was right centre to the screen but isolated with others since it is meant for couples and the movie started in no time.But the movie was an excuse since she’s already on my lap,kissing and grinding on me.Karina started stripping us,causing me to swallow my own saliva when her gorgeous tits started to be in display and she stripped my pants off.”Would you be on your knees for me?”Karina lifts her eyebrows,indicating to me to get between her legs and serve her cunt which I did without doing twice.Despite being a cock-addicted bitch,her cunt is clean and tight.I started poking her cunt with my tongue first and thought about teasing her but on contrary,she grabbed my hair and forced me to eat her out without wasting any time.Her juices were lubricating my tongue and face to enter her cunt while she’s moaning and swearing to give her more and that's when I decided start working my tongue in her cunt.Her sexually frustrated expression was memorable as I kept on moving my tongue in her cunt and pushing myself deeper,feeling more of her juices around my face.
“Fuck me asshole,use your tongue better,I want to cum”her body was shaking from the pleasure and she’s about to have her orgasm of the day.I started to give her long and wet licks on her wet cunt before putting 3 digits in her.Her mind is already gone as she started to moan loud without caring for others and 3 was so tight for me to move.She bit her lips when my fingers began to split in her cunt,making her pussy stretch wide,resulting her to grip on the seat and soon,squirting without limits.”you better savour everything” Karina said while holding my face near her pussy to take her sweet cum in.Wasting no time,she pulled me up to kiss and try to be dominant but it was me who shoved my tongue down her throat while squeezing her soft tits.Her hand was also stroking my cock and everything was working well until my phone started to vibrate with the screen lightening up to show “Girlfriend”.
“I suppose you don’t need to take that,I’m here anyways" She wasted no time to decline the call and dive in immediately to suck my cock while giving me cat eyes.Her tongue,her mouth and her slutty appearance is too much for my cock to stand up hard and tall.”Do you know what dancing car is?” I asked while she’s sucking my cock hungrily and she shook her head.”Dress up,I’ll show you what that is.But now,let’s take it to washroom.You need to be treated nice”.I grabbed her hand to the toilet and luckily for us,we have all the space and I waste no time,bending her over the sink and ripped her panty in desperate motion which followed by my cock lining on her wet cunt and my tip teasing her.She took out her phone and put it somewhere that can easily record everything we do.She was shaking her ass desperately until I slid my cock in her and started ruining without giving her a chance to adjust.The whole place was filled with skin slapping sound,her moans and my grunts.Her legs become limp enough for her to fall down on the sink but I’m not here to satisfy her.”Get up bitch,don’t be pathetic''pulling her up by her hair and making her watch herself in mirror,her tits were bouncing vigorously and soon,she started to release her another orgasm before I let her hair go and watching her body flat down on the dirty floor.Pulling her up by the hair,I spit on her face and forced my cock in her throat while she’s down on the floor.She was giving me cat eyes which made me want to slap her face hard and forced it deep.” I want to hear you gagging on my cock,understand?” She replied nothing but kept on staring at me which made me annoyed and landed a sharp slap on her right cheek.Her cheeks were red along with being hot as I kept on slapping her left to right and I run out of patience and started to ram her throat in a fast pace while holding her hands over her head.Her body roses up every thrust I made in her mouth and after a few moments of it,I released in her mouth without warning her,resulting her to spit some out and gasp for air.
“What a soft bitch” I said while lifting her legs up for another round,possibly the last,making her in an inverted position which forced the cum+saliva mixture to drip on her face.Karina has barely having her conscious amidst everything and I forced my cock in her ass and let her adjust after all my shaft have entered her.”Still better than your boring girlfriend”she barely spoke while trying to adjust and I chuckled.”And better than your husband too”I put one feet on her tits and started to move despite her walls catching my shaft tight.Her lips were slightly parted while making soft moans and I grabbed my chance to squeeze her tits with my toes while stretching her anal out.”Fuck,it’s so tight” her body roses as I hit her sensitive part.A few more thrusts went by to feel her walls become significantly tight,making me focus on abusing her tits with my toes.
“I’m close baby” Karina said while moaning loudly as her spot was getting poked by my cocok and it didn’t take her long to cum again.I grabbed her thighs and rammed hard to release cum in her and pointed my cock near her face.She opened her mouth thinking I’ll dump my cum in her mouth but instead,I started to piss on her beautiful face which is with cum and saliva mixture and this made her look perfect.Her face and hair became completely messed and I took her phone to stop the recording and to take a picture of her like that.”That’s so hot.I would love to try that again at office” she said while sitting on the dirt floor.I bend near her face to spit once more with “Not just a human cumdump but also a toilet” which she gave me her sly smirk before washing her body with the sink water.
Successfully no one has caught us there but we decided to have another round in the parking lot to show what dancing car means and pretty sure a lot of passing bys have seen our van moving strangely and my girlfriend was also calling me alot but hey,Boss is more important or I might be fired.More importantly,we end up spending the whole day making love at her place and being productive.
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dudeandduchess · 3 years ago
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Baseball Player!Kyƍjurƍ x F!S/O: ❌📛🔞Locker Room Fun🔞📛❌ (Modern AU, NSFW Scenario)
Summary: (Y/n) visits her husband during training, and is in for a surprise when he makes the most of things
 in the locker room.
Note: After a while of thinking, I decided to finally pick this back up. Also, I didn’t have much time to research, so the description for the stadium’s interior is based solely on my experience. 😅
Warnings: Smut, Teasing, Vaginal Fingering, Mild D/s Themes, Daddy Kink, Creampie, Hair Pulling, Loud Sex, Mild Sadism, Semi-Public Sex
***
If (Y/n) were to take a guess, she would say that Kyƍjurƍ was doing what he was doing just to tease her. From the way that his ass looked so good in those pants, to the way that he would stretch his arms up over his head and show off his muscles— she had to admit that he looked scrumptious.
Tasty enough to make her bite down on her bottom lip, as she squeezed her legs together to alleviate the need building between her thighs.
But, as far as she knew, Kyƍjurƍ couldn’t have known that she was there— since her visit was supposed to be a surprise. That fact made it so that Kyƍ wasn’t doing anything on purpose; he was just that naturally sexy.
Especially with the way that his uniform clung to him, and the way that a few strands of his hair peeked out from beneath the cap he wore. Everything about him had (Y/n) fighting back her lust, and she was barely winning.
However, when Kyƍjurƍ spotted her in the stands, he gave her a cheeky grin and wave— as well as a saucy wink— that had her practically swooning in her seat. It was just fortunate that she was good at keeping a poker face, otherwise everyone would have known just how flustered she felt inside.
And with the way that he started stretching his legs, and squatting on the field
 (Y/n) swore that Kyƍjurƍ was really trying to get mauled, by her specifically. Unfortunately for him, his wife had more self control than he gave her credit for.
If anything, he was the insatiable one when it came to sex.
So, instead of outwardly feeding into his provocation, (Y/n) merely clenched her thighs tighter together; simultaneously wishing for Kyƍjurƍ’s practice game to drag on, and be over already— because it meant she could either keep on ogling his sexy ass, or she could finally get the kiss that she’d been craving since after he left that morning.
An hour and a half later though, the game was already over with Kyƍjurƍ’s team winning with a two-point lead. Cheers were thrown around, as well as friendly thumps on each other’s shoulders— yet Kyƍjurƍ merely grinned at his teammates and threw a wave over his shoulder, before dashing towards the ground railings and lifting himself up onto the bleacher area with ease.
He even found himself taking the stairs two at a time— like that would help him get to his wife faster. Meanwhile, (Y/n) got out of her seat and met him halfway; arms wide open as her husband wrapped his own arms around her waist and hugged her tightly to his chest.
“I missed you, baby!” And without so much as a care about their spectators, Kyƍjurƍ leaned in and slanted his lips against his wife’s delectable mouth. He even went saucier and opened his lips to snake his tongue between her lips— loving the way that she immediately gave in to his whim.
From below, they could hear whistles and cat calls, yet they paid it no mind. Rather, (Y/n) couldn’t focus on anything else except Kyƍjurƍ’s lips sucking on her tongue, as well as his hands making their way down to her ass. And, unmistakably, she could feel his cock slowly getting hard against her.
“I can tell, Kyƍ,” (Y/n) answered with a cheeky grin, catching her breath during the reprieve that her husband had given her. “I can help you out with that
 at home.”
“I can’t wait that long, (Y/n). I want you so bad,” Kyƍjurƍ whispered heatedly, cupping her ass in his hands and pushing his erection more insistently against her body. He would have given in and just fucked her right there, especially with how tempting she looked from the moment he saw her, but he really wasn’t in the mood to be fined for indecent exposure.
So, as if a lightbulb went on in his head, Kyƍjurƍ put a stopper on his overflowing need for his wife, and blurted out, “I have an idea
 but we just have to wait a few minutes.”
“Why do I both love and hate the sound of that?”
“Trust me, baby. You’ll love it.”
***
And not even half an hour later, (Y/n) found herself getting dragged into the underbelly of the stadium; her footsteps echoing against the concrete floors and walls.
Everything was so wide and spacious, with carts going to and fro every once in a while. It was honestly a little daunting, which was why (Y/n) found herself hugging her husband’s arm; on top of already holding his hand.
Kyƍjurƍ also smiled and waved at a few people, even going to accept a few hand shakes and pats on his shoulder from people they passed by. He was the epitome of a golden boy in baseball, that it was literally stated in his contract that he had to keep up a good rapport with his fans.
And (Y/n) couldn’t help but let her thoughts get the better of her— admiring her husband so much, that it made her want him so much more than she did before. Everything in her told her to pounce on him, like he had with her, and she was about to

That was, until she and Kyƍjurƍ reached a door that led off to a carpeted— and much quieter— area; away from the hustle and bustle of the people outside.
It smelled like disinfectant in there, and a little bit of sweat, which was why she was thankful that Kyƍjurƍ practically ran with her deeper into the room; until they reached the showers. On one side was the communal shower area, and on the other— where her husband was pulling her to— were a few shower cubicles.
Kyƍjurƍ wasted no time then, merely looking around to check if his teammates were already back from their cooldown workouts, before stripping his uniform off and heaping them in a pile right outside the stall.
All the while, (Y/n) could only bite down on her bottom lip as inch upon inch of her husband’s skin was revealed to her. And from the way that his abs looked, down to the way that his muscles moved— everything was making her so wet and needy.
Especially the sight of his big and hard cock.
Before she could stop herself, she had already pounced on him; wrapping her arms around his neck, while he lifted her up and held her up under her thighs. Thankfully, she had conveniently ‘forgotten’ to wear any panties beneath her sundress— as if a part of her just knew that it was going to happen.
Kyƍjurƍ then pressed her back flush against the cold tile in the stall, making her gasp at the sudden temperature change, and making his cock twitch right where it was flush against (Y/n)’s pussy.
“Be quiet, baby, otherwise we’re going to get caught,” the young man teased with a grin, leaning in to kiss his wife’s lips, before nipping at her bottom lip with his teeth.
The action had (Y/n) chasing after the blond’s lips, making the blond chuckle as he gave in to her wishes; capturing her mouth in an open mouthed kiss, which she gladly reciprocated.
Until Kyƍjurƍ inched his right hand higher up the underside of her thigh, pressing his fingers against her entrance and even pushing his ring and middle fingers inside up to the first knuckle.
That action, however, was already enough to have (Y/n) moaning in pleasure, all while she crossed her legs by the ankles— using that leverage to start rubbing her clit against the underside of Kyƍjurƍ’s erection.
“Please, Daddy,” (Y/n) whispered in a plea, eyes fluttering closed as she felt his fingers going deeper inside her— scissoring within her walls, all to get her much wetter for something bigger.
“Please what, baby? You have to tell me what you want,” The young man teased, kissing his wife’s cheek as he felt her thighs clench harder around his hips.
And, as if to stir her up even more, he began to move his hips against hers— dragging his cock against her clit, in turn making her eyes flutter shut as salacious moans spilled free from her lips. “Please
 fuck me. Fuck m-”
(Y/n)’s words were brought to a pause when she felt Kyƍjurƍ’s fingers pull out of her, leaving her pussy feeling so empty; much, much needier. However, before she could even beg for more, her husband had already taken pity on her and lifted her up a little bit, if only to align his cock right with her entrance.
Then, he pushed in the barest inch— making (Y/n) moan aloud as her eyes rolled back in her head. Her breaths came in short bursts then, with her head feeling so heavy and her entire body getting so warm for him. It was as if an electric current passed through her, with how much pleasure she got from that one move alone.
Kyƍjurƍ couldn’t help himself, he pushed in even more, gritting his teeth when he felt (Y/n)’s hands at the back of his neck— one of them scratching at his nape, while the other one curled into his hair. “Fuck, baby, I didn’t even eat you out but you’re this wet.”
“I’ve been wet since I saw you on the field, Daddy,” The young woman admitted through a moan, eyes hazy with delirious pleasure even as she tried to look right into her husband’s flame colored eyes.
At that, Kyƍjurƍ claimed her lips in a kiss, letting it consume both of them until he moved his hips to begin thrusting against her. Every push of his cock inside her had her moaning against his mouth, all while her fingers kept tugging at his hair and gently scratching at his nape.
It only served to egg him on, to the point where a part of him didn’t care about how loud they were being; not when he was drowning in so much pleasure, and so much warmth in his wife’s arms.
Really, he’d already known that he was so lucky to have her— that moment was just reminding him of how much.
Every move felt like it was knocking the breath out of (Y/n), yet she held on tight and let herself sink into the heady pleasure she had been craving for. Especially when Kyƍjurƍ pushed in really deep and brushed against her cervix.
Her legs tensed up at that, as a mix of white hot pleasure with just a hint of pain, ran down her entire body. “Deeper, Daddy! Deeper, please!”
Kyƍjurƍ did as she asked, angling his hips to hit the part that made her absolutely crazy, only to be rewarded by her tightening her legs around his hips so she could meet him thrust for thrust. Her efforts weren’t doing much, but it was enough for him— given how he had her pressed up against the shower wall.
In the midst of things, he’d almost forgotten about his teammates— and how they would be done with their cooldown workouts soon— so, when the thought hit him, he began to thrust faster. He chased after his and his wife’s orgasms enthusiastically, not minding the noise they made since he was sure that no one other than them were in the showers.
If anything, them being so loud was turning him on even more. Especially with the way that his wife kept moaning his name in between kisses; he was loving every second of it, and wanted to prolong it as much as possible.
But slowly, he could feel the pleasure finally about to reach a tipping point within him. It was evident in his wife too, what with the way that her walls clenched down around his cock.
If he didn’t know any better, he’d have thought that she was trying to keep his cock in her forever. A hot thought, but definitely well within the realms of fantasy more than reality.
“Fuck, baby, I’m so close,” He whispered through winded breaths, keeping up with his initial pace before going for one last burst of speed— a move that had (Y/n) keening in pleasure, as she threw her head back and came around his cock.
It was the headiest thing that he had seen since the night before, when he’d fucked her much harder with her all tied up in their bed. And it also served to have him opting for slower and deeper thrusts, all so he could savor his own orgasm— and maybe wring out another one from her.
Her walls fluttered around his dick, adding to the headiness he already felt bubbling within him; pushing him closer and closer to the edge, until he couldn’t take it anymore and gave in— sliding his cock in to the hilt and pressing his slit up against (Y/n)’s sweet spot as he came.
He could even feel her shaking, as it triggered another orgasm from her.
And by the time that his thoughts were clear enough to make sense of what had just happened, he pulled back a little to look at how blissed out his wife was; feeling the corners of his lips tip up into a smile, before he leaned in to press the sweetest of kisses to those lips that he loved the most in the world.
“I’m so lucky to have you, baby. So, so lucky.”
***
BONUS:
“Has anyone seen where Rengoku went?”
Kyƍjurƍ’s eyes immediately widened when he heard the voices coming down the hall— right into the shower area. And with a panicked look over his shoulder, then right at his wife, he had only realized that he didn’t even pull the shower curtain closed.
So, with his quick reflexes, he pulled the curtain closed just in time to hear the first of his teammates enter the shower area.
“Hey, Rengoku’s already here! His things are on the floor.” And those words had Kyƍ panicking even more, because there he was— with his dick still in his wife— in the team’s shower.
“We are not doing this again, Kyƍjurƍ,” (Y/n) hissed under her breath, all while praying that no one would mess with her husband and open the curtain. Because really, they’d get more than they bargained for.
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hintsofhoney · 4 years ago
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alright, *cracks fingers*. so. I’ve written up a transcript just to lay it all out for myself and get the most important parts. listen, everyone. for all intents and purposes and legal reasons, THIS WAS A DREAM. alright? I dreamt this. and he is literally the nicest human being ever so I don’t want to just like... put our whole convo out there like that, but I think he said some stuff that was important for people to hear so... here we go
my *dreamt* zoom call with thee crowley below the cut
The first five minutes (of my dream) was just a bunch of introduction stuff and talking about my favorite Supernatural seasons which eventually led to him telling me how they filmed the Season 8 finale (which they did over the span of three days, and in between takes the crew members were like dead silent, as to keep the moment going, which Mark thought was really cool. Said it was one of his favorite things they did on Supernatural.) Anyways, he eventually asked me if I had any questions, so, I’ll start there.
MARK: So, do you have any questions you want to ask me about aaaaaannyyyythingggg? 
ME: Um, I guess the number one thing I wanna know
 um, so, I know you can’t speak for Dean and I don’t want to talk about Dean because you’re not Jensen, but, there’s like a lot of questions I guess or subtext or whatever concerning Dean’s sexuality and what not, but I want to know about demon Dean and Crowley’s relationship and if there was, I don’t know, anything like, any implied –
MARK: Well I think – I think you’re talking about
 there’s a massive difference between sex and love. There’s a massive difference between, um, well, they can intertwine perfectly, that’s not the issue, but I mean you would believe with all the things that Crowley did for the Winchesters, that he was – that he very much loved Sam and Dean or loved who they are or what they are. To reduce it to, you know, a crush, or to something that – I mean, I don’t know, I think Crowley is very probably pansexual more than anything else; I don’t think anything phased him. I think, that’s why the whole stuff with Lucifer and licking the floor was kind of really stupidly boring for me because Crowley did weirder and crazier things on his own. I mean, it became this joke of trying to humiliate somebody who can’t be humiliated. There’s nothing you can humiliate Crowley with. So, that never sort of made sense, that was just a sort of writer’s glitch of thinking, “oooh, this would be funny to knock him down into subservience” and that’s what he does on a Wednesday, I mean it’s like the most un-inspiring thing. I think so much is projected onto the relationship between, certainly the four main characters, um, and, you know, look, getting comfortable with one’s sexuality and one’s identity is a massively complicated things, and if you want to live vicariously through what you believe people’s identity is and you can relate to that, great!  Who cares? I mean, can I be absolutely honest? Apart from – what I do care about, you know, don’t ever take this and piece me or misquote it, because it’s very, very specific – um, somebody stopping somebody being able to express their own identity or whatever is an issue for me. That will always be an issue for me. Um, we should all be treated equally, and we all have the rights to believe and follow those things that we wish to follow, but to project relationships onto characters is an odd thing to do. I mean, it’s wishful thinking in a lot of ways, I mean, actually it’s quite
 it’s quite reasonable because in the past if you think about it, if you ask your parents or anyone else, the only way sexuality was used was to, uh, literally demonize somebody. It was only ever used to say somebody was bad because this who they’re in love with. You know, that’s, that’s the thing. And it’s a massive change in the world that we’re moving towards, I should say, uh – a lack of consequence for who one loves, apart from the obvious consequences of human nature. You know, political consequences for who one loves – I’ve just watched Pete Butteigieg being, you know, sitting in congress with his husband there with him; that’s the first time that’s ever happened in United States congress and I’m so proud of that. Not just because the man is gay and happily married – that’s not even the issue for me, it’s because he’s the best man for the job and one of the smartest people on the planet. You know, it’s like using sexual templates, as they were, or gender templates as they are, or orientation templates as they are, we always use to disclude people from things. They were always used to discriminate. You know, labeling somebody was a way of discrimination. And where as labels are very important, to ones self, and they’re very important politically and they’re very important socio-economically and they’re very important in all those aspects, I yearn for a time when nobody gives a damn. I really do. But I mean, we have to go through so much to get there. I mean, let’s be honest, you can’t, you know, right the wrongs of hundreds of years of oppression in 20 minutes by saying, “let’s all move forward”. It just doesn’t work that way, it never has. But there’s a responsibility there, that if you’re going to represent, that you represent all. That you don’t just represent you. So, one has to be careful with a television program or, or, you know, Misha or myself, or, not speaking for the boys, but just generally, um, you have to be careful that what you advocate is inclusive, not disinclusive. Not excluding people... and it’s so hard to frame these conversations, that they’re equitable, it’s so hard to do that. And so, you know, we spend years pointing out the inequity and the injustice and the unfairness of the whole situation, and
 I don’t know if the trick is to rise above, or, uh, maybe it’s as simple as love and coming together as a human race and make it very difficult for people to discriminate and exclude based on gender, race, color, religion, any of the subsets of humanity that we’ve decided we have. So, I think personal responsibility is the most important thing, but if one is in a position of power on a TV show, you got to remember what you’re representing, that you have a, you know, you have to cover all or cover none. So, you know, but if you stick to a story and you have a story about a person or two people and their journey, that’s shining light on things. If you try to advocate for all, I think it becomes a little more complicated. Does that make sense?
so, i just feel like he said some important things there, but like I also don’t really understand what he’s getting at really, y’know? oh! also, he didn’t watch the finale lmao 
also! there’s this:
MARK: Because if you come down on one side or another, you’re admitting the sides, and that has its own political ramifications. If you push the ball up in the air and say, “you decide”, I don’t think that’s copping out. I think that’s, maybe not fulfilling everybody’s expectations, or not fulfilling everybody’s hopes, but at least you’re getting the question asked. You know, at least you’re getting the question asked. At least people are relating to it and going, “well, what if?”. Because it’s all “what if”, I mean, it’s a TV show, so it’s “what if”, you know? It’s not Misha being in love with Jensen, I mean as much as he loves Jensen, I don’t think that’s his thing – I mean you never know – but I’m saying yet again, I don’t exclude anything from anybody (I LITERALLY CAN’T BELIEVE HE SAID THIS LMAO). But to force my opinion or my identity belief upon a situation has a cost. It may be right, it may be absolutely right, and it may be necessary in many, many cases. But, in that circumstance, I think
 there are a lot of people in the world that say that Jesus, for example, was anti-homosexual and that he was – and none of that is true, and none of that is provable in the New Testament, and I’m not talking about Leviticus and I’m not talking about early Bible and I’m not talking about the fact that more than 25,000 words have been changed in the King James edition and all of this stuff, but these things that people hold so sacred, the confusion that arises from that is being told that a man loving a man or a woman loving a woman or a man loving a man and a woman or whatever combination being there is either right or wrong because you’re being told by a pastor or the leaders of your church, is a very difficult thing to break down. I think what you have to do is at least put it out there so it’s visible, and so it becomes less and less deniable. And you know, people change over years, that’s the trouble with youth, is shit doesn’t move fast enough. “I need a decision now!”, and unfortunately, when you’re dealing with centuries of prejudice and centuries of un-enlightenment, I think that sometimes the best thing to do is reach as many people as possible and pose the question. And sometimes it’s essential to make a statement, absolutely, no question. It is essential to make a stand, in some circumstances. But to polarize a TV show, can be very disingenuous to those who need to go ask their own questions, who need to go say, “well, where does Jesus say this is wrong?” you know, if that’s your beliefs.
he also said, when we went off on a tangent about doom patrol:
MARK: There are issues that are being addressed here [on Doom Patrol] that are not being addressed on other shows, and yet again, we have the format, and I don’t know that Supernatural ever had the format because it was on the CW.
anywho, in conclusion, fuck the cw.
also, again, for all intents and purposes this was a dream I had :)))))))
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