#based off something that literally happened between me and my husband

[the-raindeer-king]

You're in bed with Simon, who's on leave after some long, exhausting mission. It's your day off, and you've finally gotten home after running errands. You barely get the groceries into the fridge before Simon's dragging you to the bedroom, insisting it's time for a nap.

Both of you are asleep in record time, snuggled up together.

It's sometime later, that you're somewhere between awake and asleep, aware that there's no longer sunlight streaming in through the bedroom window. You're ready to drift off back to sleep, and then something hard hits you in the mouth.

You've just barely registered that Simon elbowed you in the face, when he's pulling you closer, his hands cupping your cheeks.

"I'm sorry. 'm sorry. 'm sorry," he rushes out.

"You hit me," you whine in response.

"I know, love. 'm so sorry."

He wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest, your head tucked underneath his. It's not like you were really upset to begin with, but it's hard to even pretend to be, with the way he's holding you. And you happily let yourself drift back to sleep.

[crowleysgirl56]

Something that I’ve been thinking about for a good 6 months now, ever since Good Omens season 3 was green lit, and that was the three sentence description of the plot that Neil gave in his official announcement interview:

The plans for Armageddon are going wrong. Only Crowley and Aziraphale working together can hope to put it right. And they aren’t talking.

It really makes me think about the book sequel he and Terry had discussed and what was going to be included in that story.

Season 2 was thought to be that story. But then Neil confirmed after the season aired that it was in fact a bridging season that he wrote deliberately in order to get us to season 3, which would be based on the story that he and Terry plotted together in the 90’s and early 2000’s.

Neil also famously never gives anything about his stories away, always excited to tell us to ‘wait and see’. The fact we get this much of a description is quite exciting.

At first glance it doesn’t seem like anything we didn’t already know:

The plot involves Armageddon: Metatron told us as much when he mentioned the second coming at the end of season 2.

Crowley and Aziraphale need to work together: they have always done so before, so this time shouldn’t be any different.

Crowley and Aziraphale aren’t talking: very evident from where we left off.

But did you notice something else? Something hiding in plain sight? The plans are going wrong. And they hope to put it right. So what are these plans? Why are they going wrong? Who made them go wrong? What exactly does going wrong mean? What does putting them right mean? Also, notice how Neil doesn’t say Crowley and Aziraphale need to work together to stop it. Interesting choice of words right?

Now let’s think about the book sequel for a second. For a moment, let’s pretend that the TV series doesn’t exist (*shakes everyone by the shoulders* HEY, STOP SCREAMING! CALM DOWN! The show STILL exists! Just go with me for a second here, and you can go back to remembering the show in a moment! It’s OKAY! *pats everyone until the screaming subsides*). The Good Omens novel is structured with flashback sequences of Aziraphale and Crowley together over time as the story of the Anti-Christ and the Non-Ageddon unfolds. What if the three sentence description of season 3 that Neil gave was the actual tagline of the book sequel? Like, this is literally what he and Terry came up with? Something happened between Aziraphale and Crowley between the end of book 1 and the beginning of book 2, and the second book is telling us the story of the second coming, whilst at the same time providing us flashback scenes of exactly what happened between A&C? That part of the book is the mystery of why these ineffable husbands who spent the last 6000 years together were suddenly no longer talking.

Can you imagine reading that blurb and thinking “WWWHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTT?”

Whether the intended sequel involved the story of a memory wiped Gabriel is up for debate. But I understand why Neil devoted an entire season to telling this story, because I don’t think there would have been room to do the second coming storyline and devote enough time to exploring the relationship breakdown at the same time in just 6 episodes.

And if my theories are correct, this is why I don’t think we will get any further flashback sequences in season 3. If we’re really lucky, maybe we’ll get a 1941 part 3 flashback, and a “what happened when they went back to Crowley’s apartment and body swapped” flashback (I’ve drafted some wildest dream posts on these, so look out for them coming in the near future). But unless they’re relevant for the plot, I think we’re out of flashbacks. This next season is likely going to be focusing specifically on the second coming, the consequences, and answering the question what does putting it right mean?!

This is obviously all opinion and conjecture and I could be completely wrong. I just like putting my thoughts down and sharing with others. So if you want to discuss comment or reblog! Let me know your theories! (And as always, please don’t tag Neil)

[smok3r7]

One Door Closes & Another One Opens

Joel x OFC!Divorce Lawyer

Explicit, 18+

How Did This Happen?

Main MasterList & Series Masterlist - My AO3

Summary: She’s a divorce attorney and he’s a husband looking for help to save his daughter, and himself, from his gambling addict wife. Renae Russo is a woman who fights for her clients and wins. She’s satisfied with her life and what she does, but she wishes she could have a little more. What happens when Joel Miller becomes her client and an old flame of Renae’s reignites in the same breath?

Chapter Summary: Renae’s life is the same; Wake up, go to court, come home, sleep, repeat. It’s not as bad as it sounds, she thrives in this environment, but maybe something can change that. Then there’s Joel, whose life is the same but not - the routine is the same, but the situation as a whole isn’t.

Word count: 2.9k

Warnings: gambling, alcoholic wife

—

“Your Honor, Ms. Fredrick owns this home and that's all she wants out of this divorce. She’s willing to give Mr. Henry everything else; the two thousand, twenty-two Mercedes, the two sets of leather furniture, and the property on Hess lake - it’s all his. As long as he stops fighting for the home in Austin, which he has no rights to.” Renae stands up from her seat on the right side of the courtroom and sternly glances between the older judge in front of her and the other table, which consists of Mr. Henry and his attorney, Garcia Cole.

Before Judge Nick can ask any questions, Renae is already opening a folder and flipping through pages and pages of documents that Ms. Fredrick has provided. “And here are the mortgage payments for the past eleven years that she and Mr. Henry lived together.” She pulls a stack of papers from the light colored folder and struts up to the judges’ bench.

Her black Louboutin’s click on the tile-like floor, the sound bounces around the empty courtroom, her fiery orange curls bouncing as she walks, “clearly showing she is capable of paying the twelve-hundred dollar mortgage by herself, in full.”

By now, Renae is back at her table with Ms. Fredrick’s, who is noticeably nervous but trying to keep her cool because she knows Renae’s rate - she always wins.

Renae swings her thick hair behind her shoulder and smooths the front of her white silk blouse as she stands between her wood chair and the table, clearing her throat before she starts again. “Ms. Fredrick’s name and bank account are also listed as the Homeowner. Legally, Mr. Henry has no leg to stand on, if he doesn’t want a fight-” she turns to her left, making eye contact with him, “I’d suggest he stops while he’s ahead.”

Almost all eight of the Family court Judges love Renae because she’s thorough and does right by her clients - she never fails them, and she’s a bulldog in the courtroom. But what makes Renae Russo so different from any other attorney is that she doesn’t take cases that she doesn’t think are fair. Not because she’ll lose, however, it’s all based on if she thinks the divorce is a necessity. If the wife, or the husband, is getting abused or taken advantage of in the marriage - either literally or figuratively - Renae will gladly help them get out of that situation, and come out with more than they started with, only if they wish.

“Well, I’d have to agree with Ms. Russo here. Unless Mr. Cole can show me bank statements from Mr. Henry that shows consistent payments with no issues, such as any other properties or vehicles.” Judge Nick raises his face from the documents Renae handed him, to look at Mr. Garcia and Mr. Henry, “Otherwise, the home will stay in Ms. Frederick’s name and you’ll receive all other assets.”

Renae has now sat back down, her right leg moving to fold over her left, her black pencil skirt making it a bit of a task, and her medium length, French tip acrylics rest on her thighs as she waits for their answer. She knows they don’t have any rebuttal, so she mentally crosses this case off of her list of many things she needs to do today.

—

The loud noise of the back slider opening and sliding closed, and her drunken laughter, that she says she tries to contain, alerts Joel. He routinely stands up from his brown leather recliner and storms out of the living room, around the dining room corner which leads to a hallway that curves right and turns into a mud room - where she is, fallen on the floor, giggling to herself as she stares back at Joel who towers over.

It’s seven in the morning on a Wednesday and she left at five-thirty PM yesterday. Last night was poker night, her absolute favorite game.

Who is she, exactly?

She is Joel’s wife of twenty years and the mother of their ten year old daughter, Sarah - Annie Miller. The once beautiful and successful business woman and owner of her own beauty shop is now a full blown gambler and alcoholic, and Joel isn’t quite sure how she ended up like this.

The Annie that Joel fell in love with twenty years ago, looks nothing like the Annie that he now just lives with and takes care of. She was a tall lean woman, with beautiful toned blond hair that went down her back, these robin egg blue colored foxy eyes, her eyebrows were thin but sharp, and her lips were Joel's favorite feature because of their light pink tone and plumpness.

But now she looks like a different woman; she’s nothing but bones - besides her beer gut, that makes her look pregnant - her eyes have sunken in and have major circles around them, and she’s lost all color in her face and lips that he loved. But she acts like she looks like her old self, because she still dresses the same with her business casual style and tries to do her makeup and hair the same - but, it just doesn’t work anymore.

The only thing he can narrow down to her downfall, was his and Annie’s sixteenth wedding anniversary and they went to the casino for the first time since they had Sarah. Joel and Annie had an amazing weekend, full of love and laughter - some of Joel’s favorite memories are from that trip. But a couple months later Joel started to notice her behavior change.

Annie would start going out without Joel, her excuse would always be the same, I’m just goin’ out with a couple girlfriends, babe. And at first, Joel was blind to it mainly because he believed she was going out to the bar or somewhere with her friends. Why would he think otherwise? He’s never had to worry about it before and he got to spend more time with Sarah - which felt great because he worked so much and didn’t get much time with her, other than dinner and doing their nightly walk around the block.

However, after that became the norm over the next month and the next month, slowly turning into the next year, Joel started to feel like he was doing everything. Thankfully Sarah started first grade that fall, so with her at school seven hours a day, it allowed him to work with Tommy, his younger brother. They would do carpeting and some other construction for side jobs so Joel could get some extra money in his pocket because all of a sudden, Annie was asking him for money all the time.

She chalked it up to being, the shop wasn’t doing well and tips weren’t coming in like they used to. Again, Joel blindly believed her and he was understanding, told her he would pick up some extra shifts on the weekends to make up for her loss. But, unbeknownst to him at the time, Annie wasn’t working anymore and her business had shut down due to not paying the rent or property taxes for close to a year. So with all her free time, she was actually going to the casino, alone, with Joel’s money.

After another year of no change, besides Annie’s behavior and appearance, Joel finally said something to her. He told her she needed to get help or he was going to leave her - but ultimately, he couldn’t do it. She continued going out every night, with no explanation, but Joel let it slide because he didn’t want a broken household for Sarah, believing she deserves to have a two parent home.

Joel is now starting to regret that decision, because he knows that Sarah would be so much better off without Annie in her life. Or, at least not live together.

Annie doesn’t make it easy for Joel, she’s gone five nights out of the week, for hours and then comes home early the next morning for Joel to take care of her and get her to bed before Sarah gets up for the day. Then the two days she’s home, she sleeps, all day, and she needs Joel to take care of her and tend to her every need. Joel is pretty much a single parent of two kids, the second child being his wife.

“Hi baby,” she drunkenly slurs in a high pitched tone, “I’m trying to be- I hope I was quiet.” She raises her pointer finger with her signature cherry red acrylics, up to her mouth and then whispers, shhhh.

“Get up,” he demands deep and low, as he stands only a couple feet away from her, his arms folded on his chest, he can feel his heart pound against his arms. He wants to scream at her for coming home this late, or early, for being an absolute mess and reckless - but he doesn’t, because he knows he wouldn’t be able to control himself, he’s not sure from what, but it’s enough for him to be cautious.

Annie gives him her classic pouty lip. I’m sorry, darling, she apologizes, but it doesn’t last long. She shifts from remorseful to joking instantly. She starts her giggle-fest to herself as she tries to stand on her feet, ultimately failing and falling back on her ass - slamming her back into the glass door, causing the smack to blare through the whole house.

“Oop- clumsy me!” She laughs to herself, giving up on trying to move by herself, “Help me, baby.” She whines and raises her arms over her head, much like a child waiting to be picked up - the image reminds Joel of Sarah as a toddler, but it’s quickly gone when Annie turns to her right and starts puking on the rug.

Fuckin-A, Joel rolls his eyes and grabs a towel that’s folded in the closet to his left, and waits for her to finish - he has no remorse for her anymore, physically and emotionally Joel is drained from this gruesome cycle. His presentation of himself has also declined; his oak colored hair now has gray streaks and is way too long, it just looks like a mess, his build has thinned out a bit but not much since he’s still working, and his face is always in a scowl, unless it’s with Sarah but people can tell that Joel is not himself.

“Can you stand up?” Joel asks as he sets the towel on top of her mess, to take care of later, “Cause Sarah’s gonna be up any minute ‘n I don’t want her to see this. Don’t think you do either.”

Annie wipes her mouth with the sleeve of her gray sweater, a faint smile still on her face - Joel wants nothing more than to take it right off, but he doesn’t. All he does, while she’s giggling and talking nonsense the whole time, is throw her thin, lanky body over his shoulder so he can take her upstairs with no issues. And all she does is laugh.

The whole time he does this, all he can think about is Sarah and he prays that she doesn’t see this. He hates that Annie won’t get right for Sarah, if it were him, he’d go and get help immediately…however, it’s not Joel, so he can’t dwell on that.

Then like that, his worst nightmare became reality.

“Dad?”

The tired little voice questions behind Joel, just before he reaches the bedroom him and Annie once shared. Fuck, he can’t help but freeze, his mind rushes a mile per minute to think of something but he also knows Sarah is very smart for her age. It’s been four years of chaos, so she’s gotta have some kind of idea of what’s going on.

“Go to your room baby girl, I’ll be there in a minute.” It’s short and sweet, enough for him to get a hold of the situation, but also not scare her. Her yawn calms him down, but what really does it is when he hears her bedroom door shut - he’s able to breathe a little more.

—

The pitter-patter of small paws on hardwood hit Renae’s ears as she unlocks her front door to her apartment. “Hiii Frankie,” she sings as she locks her door. The small golden retriever, no older than a year old, runs up to her with his tail wagging happily and his ears flopping around, and he barks once for Renae to pick him up.

Okay, okay, one second, she laughs while she walks over to her kitchen where she slides her large purse off her shoulder and sets it on top of the granite island. “C’mere baby boy!” She sings as she squats down to pick the handheld size puppy up into her arms, the dog starts to lick her hands and neck before she tells him to stop.

“Were you good for Ms. Pam today?” Renae questions before she stands up and walks out of the kitchen, heading down the singular hallway that leads to her bedroom. Pam is Renae’s dog walker, she comes three days out of the week to help relieve some stress of a new puppy for Renae. The apartment fills with the sound of her heels as she walks to go start her night.

When she gets to her room, pushes the door open with her hip and she’s met with the smell of fresh pine, her favorite scent - plug-in air fresheners and candles are her babies, she can’t live without them.

“Lay right here baby, I’ll be back.” She sets Frankie down in the middle of her king size bed and he sinks into the puffy gray comforter, curling into a tiny ball just floppy ears and bug eyes. Renae then slides her heels off, right one first then her left, then glides over to her walk-in closet, sliding the door open and entering to set her black, red bottoms with her couple dozen other heels she owns.

Turning around, she grabs a large graphic T-shirt with Mario and Luigi on it along with sleep shorts and ankle socks off the middle shelf on her wall. Her nightly routine has become Renae’s life for the past seven years and she’s content with it because she doesn’t have to worry about anyone else, well Frankie now. But that’s only because she’s been starting to feel lonely, all her friends and girlfriends are married, or getting married and have kids - Renae has never given a man a chance for anything more than a boyfriend that she has for a year or two.

It’s not that she can’t hold on to them, she just gets tired of the neediness that men have. She doesn’t want to have to take care of a man who should be fully capable of doing it themselves. Her mom instilled this work ethic into her since she was a kid, Renae always conjured up some idea to make money; Lemonade stands, cleaning pools, mowing lawns, and really anything in between.

So for a man, who’s supposed to be her partner, to come into her life and expect her to do everything for him, she can’t deal with it - she’d end up killing him, no joke.

After her shower and making herself dinner, then cleaning up afterwards, Renae went back to her bedroom for the night. Frankie curls up on her stomach, her acrylics scratch softly through his soft fur as she watches The Hunger Games, a movie she’s seen hundreds of times but she didn’t mind. It’s more for background noise so she can fall asleep, there’s just something about living alone as a woman that when it’s silent, it’s hard to sleep.

But hopefully she can get some sleep to the sound of Haymitch explaining the violent games to Katniss and Peeta, so she’s ready for tomorrow. She couldn’t be more excited, her younger sister, by two years, Gia is coming into town with her eight year old daughter Bianca for the long weekend. Bianca is a mini-Renae, she’s got fire in her that everyone knows resembles her and Gia says she absolutely loves it because she misses her sister since she moved to New York almost ten years ago.

However, whenever Gia comes back to Austin, Renae can’t help but get a little jealous at the life her sister has. Gia has the dream life; Gorgeous brownstone, solid career as a VP at a plumbing company, husband of nine years and he absolutely adores her and Bianca whole heartedly - the man would find a way to walk on water for them. And all by the age of twenty-nine, it’s incredibly impressive.

How did the youngest sister get the life that the oldest dreamt of?

[minniemochaa]

୨♡୧ RP Partners Needed! ୨♡୧

Hi Hi! You can call me Doll—I’m a 24F & looking for a long term RP partner. I’ve been roleplaying for a while and love creating immersive, well-written stories. I write literate to novella style, typically 3-4 paragraphs, though I adjust based on the flow of the story and my partner’s style. I enjoy detailed world-building, strong character dynamics, and emotional depth in my roleplays.

➳❥ What I RP & Requirements

I write a mix of OC, RPF, Fandom OCs, AU characters, and NPCs (only when needed to push the story forward). My only requirements are that my partners are 21+, as I’m open to NSFW & smut RP. I prefer Discord for roleplaying and have plenty of plot ideas but am also happy to brainstorm together!

➳❥ Fandoms & RP Interests

Here are some of my favorite fandoms and RP inspirations:

• K-pop: BTS, Blackpink, Aespa, Twice, Ateez, XG

Anime/Games/Books/Shows:

• Love & Deepspace, FFVII, Arcane, TGCF, MDZS, JJK, AOT, The Apothecary Diaries, Windbreaker, Nana

• Romance/Isekai/Fantasy/Historical Webtoons like- I Fell Into a Reverse Harem Game, Who Made Me a Princess, Under the Oak Tree, Please Kill My Husband

➳❥ Favorite RP Tropes

I love roleplays that blend romance, drama, and adventure! Some of my favorite tropes include:

• Fluff, Slow Burn, Fantasy, Historical (Monarchy settings), Mafia

• Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, BL/GL/MxF Romance

• Slice of Life, Childhood Friends, Found Family

• Supernatural (Vampires, Ghosts, Mermaids, Heavenly Beings)

HARD No’s!!!!

• Incest, Minors in inappropriate scenarios

• Abuse or Cheating (between main muses)

• Poly Relationships

➳❥ RP Partner Etiquette

I’m super chill, but the one thing I won’t tolerate is GHOSTING. I completely understand that life happens, and I’m always open to communication! However, if I don’t hear from my partner for over a week with no notice, I will drop the RP. Just let me know if you need a break or time off—I promise I’m understanding!

If you’re interested, DM me, and let’s create something amazing together! ✨ (๑ > ᴗ < ๑)

[chadfallout76podcast]

Major Update: Life...is a changing for me/us (and a sneak peek of Vault-Tec Rises!

Good afternoon!

I wanted to give you all an update on Vault-Tec Rises as well as an update on myself and some major life changes happening this year that may impact our season while the dust settles. Firstly, I'm more than halfway done with our next major feature length episode, "Vault-Tec Rises"...which is technically episode 16, set BEFORE Little Sanctuary of Horrors. It essentially is the story of how everyone came to be there in the first place, what Vault-Tec and the Enclave are really up to, and is the start of our last 4 episodes of the season as the Battle for Appalachia begins.

Secondly, I've shared quite a bit about the journey of these past 10 years with my husband Travis and his struggle with mental health. Many of you were kind of enough to support or share our GoFundMe to help take the pressure off the crushing debt we were under with mounting medical bills and his bills, none of which was covered by insurance fully. Trying to keep us afloat financially has been a long-term struggle of mine and here's in New Hampshire we just haven't been able to get ahead. After having to cancel some of his services last week as we couldn't afford them, we made some major decisions.

The next few months I'll be doing a lot of painting, landscaping, plastering and prepping to list our home on the market. Financially we can't afford to buy again for a while, so we're stuck renting. Based on what things are selling for in the area, I'm not too worried about getting out of it fairly quickly. We'll be moving to Texas, in between Dallas and Fort Worth in a really beautiful, new planned community where leasing and the overall lower cost of living will save us $20k a year which will allow us to not only fix our debt issue permanently, but also they have one of the leading centers in the country for C-PTSD. Once settled, I'd be able to get him more direct help he's needed that we just don't have access to out here.

Texas is going to be a big, big change for us...a huge move, but one I'm eager to make. Our backup editor is continuing to plug away at stories as well as I've had my hands full with work trying to keep the lights on (literally). I wanted to explain all of this with clear honesty so you know what I've been doing, what I'll be doing this year and why it often takes us so long to ship episodes to you. Your patient and support of me really, really means the world to me. The other benefit of this move is that once I'm not strangled hustling for work 7 days a week, I'll have more free time to actually create. Something I really want to do...as there are still two more seasons of Chad and some other projects I really want to share with you all.

I hope to have our 3-hour feature length Vault-Tec Rises completed in the next few weeks, so stay tuned. :) And if you can please excuse how hectic this year will be between selling and moving halfway across the country I'd appreciate it.

Much love to you all,

Ken

[triviareads]

What are your thoughts on Babygirl?

it wasn't bad but it was less *thrilling* than I expected— by the time reviews started to come out, I wasn't expecting to be titillated very much— but I did want to be more shocked, and for there to be higher stakes than there ultimately was (and Romy, Nicole Kidman's character, gets off on that wrongness, that thrill that comes with the high stakes of fucking an employee and possibly ruining her life if he outs her, but it never went There or very close). I think it's telling that the only time the audience reacted audibly, it was to laugh during some sex scenes

To be clear, I didn't dislike those moments of awkwardness because sex can be weird! It can be awkward! But still, temper your expectations where the sex is involved— I kinda assumed the kneeling and crawling and milk-saucer-lapping would lead somewhere... more, but it didn't (I did appreciate the unfiltered sounds during, though).

And that's what led me to realize they really picked the right male lead based on this script, because my friends and I initially saw him in the trailer and we were all like "....shouldn't they have picked someone hotter? Or with more charisma?" But it makes sense because Samuel isn't some wunderkind dom— he really is just Some Intern Guy, a twenty-something who's maybe more intuitive than men his age (and even that part I question because they have to say it out loud lol) but that's really it. He's figuring their dynamic out as they go along, just as much as Romy is. There was a critique where a reviewer expressed their annoyance at yet another film of this ilk where it's the man who teaches the woman her desires rather than her asserting them on her own (they also seemed to intertwine this with a call for more sexually dominant women onscreen which, VALID, but I do see how there could be a movie where sexually submissive woman could assert her desires and the man is the one learning from her.... but that would be an entirely different movie from Babygirl, that's so rooted in Romy's shame about her "dark desires"), but in the case of Babygirl, the "teaching" is very surface level. Samuel recognizes what Romy likes and is the first man to vocalize it, but what follows after is... tepid.

Which is in part because for Romy, what happens between her and Samuel feels less about Samuel and more about what he represents— the ability to enact her kinks, the thrill and the danger of being caught. Like, there are genuinely no messy romantic emotions between the people having the affair, BUT the way Romy and her husband's relationship played out during the course of the movie is emotional and mature and much appreciated, although again, could she have groveled more? Could something actually ruinous have happened/come closer to happening? Yes, I think so.

The workplace stuff.... can I say, that office looks literally like mine, and Romy's outfits/style/botox reminds me of white women who are higher up in my organization?? So well done on that front, plus the end-of-year messages related to AI being "the future"... so real. What did bother me because I couldn't tell if they were going for irony or they were in earnest is the whole hashtag-girlboss white feminist undercurrent that comes to head by the end of the movie (yk... are women in power inherantly more moral than men? Should I have cheered when she shut down a man trying to out her affair? idk), which also reminded me this movie was AGGRESSIVELY white in its attitudes and casting, and coming from a romance-reading perspective, yet another piece of media where only white people are kinky 🤷🏻��♀️

[shmisky]

I personally don't think that Stan was Caryn's favorite. She didn't stand up for Stan in front of the principal. She brings Stan up in a caring way but doesn't stand up for him or told the principal to back the hell off of her kid. She also literally did nothing to try to stop Filbrick from kicking Stan out. She just watched it happen without lift a finger. Hell, she didn't even said something when Filbrick kicked Stan out. She could have at least made a statement or two even if she couldn’t physically do anything. She could have tried to talk to her husband to change his mind. I think that if Stan was really her favorite, she would not let the principal bad mouth him and later let him being thrown out into the streets. She telling Stan that he has "personality" was her way of trying to not let his self-esteem become low because of how much smarter Ford was than him. Caryn is just like Filbrick in the sense of not having a favorite child, just a child that pleased her more.

Anon... You seem pretty convinced of your opinion already, so there isn’t much I could add to it. I’m afraid I can’t agree about that, not when it concerns a headcanon of mine (from this ask).

But alright, let me explain myself a bit better.

First, you’re allowed to disagree with me! In fact, I encourage it. I’m not a Gravity Falls authority or anything and I’m not claiming to be!

Second, this family dynamic of favorites is my headcanon! I used terms such as “I like to headcanon” and “in my head” to try and make that clear, while I was talking about how I saw Shermie as the older brother (when he is not the older brother in canon! he’s the baby!) and neither Filbrick’s or Caryn’s favorite (clearly also a headcanon, because we know virtually nothing about Shermie!) I know I often write metas based off canon, but I’m also just a GF fan, hahah!

And third, I definitely already agree with you about how Caryn should have done more! She should have intervened! Absolutely! Sometimes I feel like I’m one of the few people who do blame her for this as well instead of just blaming teen Ford, and I’m happy to see people also holding this opinion! In fact, I believe her intervention would have a much more likely chance of success than Ford’s intervention. I never said I considered her to a very good mom.

But how, exactly, does this contradict my headcanon that Stan is her favorite?

Think like this, anon. Ford was never kicked out in canon, so we don’t know how she would have reacted if Ford was the one to be kicked out. I personally believe she wouldn’t have intervened in this case, either. Imagine I have two mugs, and one of them is my favorite, but my friend asks for it as a gift, and I give it to them—it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t my favorite between the two mugs! If my friend asked for my less liked mug, I would have given it to them even more easily.

You know whose favorite Stan also is? He’s Ford’s favorite. He’s the person Ford loves the most in the entire world. And yet... Ford didn’t intervene, either, even when Stan addressed Ford directly, begging him to intervene. And while you could counter with “that’s because he was angry!” Ford wasn’t yet angry at Stan when the principal badmouthed him. If you think Stan can’t be Caryn’s favorite because she didn’t stand up to the principal, does that mean Ford didn’t love Stan?

Also, I think you misunderstood me when I differentiated between Filbrick and Caryn. I meant that Ford ended up as sort of Filbrick’s “favorite” not because Filbrick loved him so, so much, but because Stan got on Filbrick’s nerves more than Ford did. If Stan wasn’t Filbrick’s favorite, only Ford could fill that role. Not because he loved Ford, but because he disliked Stan. And if Ford were any other son that pleased Filbrick even slightly, that son would also have been Filbrick’s “favorite.” Basically, it was not so much about Filbrick’s feelings for Ford as it was about Filbrick’s feelings for Stan. Before the moment in which the principal told both Caryn and Filbrick that Ford could earn them millions, Filbrick probably didn’t associate “Ford” with the word “millionaire” in his head. We can see his very obvious shock.

(Not that I think, by the way, that Filbrick was never pleased with Stan. I think he was very pleased with Stan’s boxing skills and the fact teen Stan was stronger and presumably a better fighter than teen Ford, but ultimately the bad surpassed the good.)

Meanwhile, I believe that Stan is Caryn’s favorite—again, just my headcanon—because of her feelings for Stan. Not because she didn’t like Ford, but because she liked Stan more. We know of her canonically being affectionate with Stan! She’s the one who says he has personality. She calls him her “little free spirit,” who asks about him to the principal when Ford himself doesn’t. She’s one of the only two people who attend his fake funeral, according to the TBoB site, and the other person was an IRS agent. The affection Caryn demonstrated towards Stan is already way more than any affection Filbrick ever demonstrated towards Ford.

On the other hand, we know virtually nothing about her feelings for Ford, other than the fact she clearly doesn’t feel negatively about him, at the very least! No nicknames, no praise, not much of anything. So Ford is not disliked, but Stan is her baby (in my head). And it was fun to me to headcanon Stan was her favorite because he was a creative liar, like her, while she couldn’t relate much to studious Ford. Also to give Ford mommy issues, hahah. It would be pretty ironic if, while Stan is confessing to Ford about how upset he feels that Ford is Filbrick’s fave, Ford was internally harboring similar suspicions towards their mom.

[a-dumb-sarcastic-bisexual]

More Clone Wars headcanons that I keep basing off me and my family cause where else am I gonna get inspo from

Both Anakin and Ahsoka try to keep their shared space as clean as possible 

Whenever they’re home and have free time after a long mission they’ll go around and pick up messes and they’ve got a somewhat decent system going until they get to the dishes that’s when war breaks out 

Normally people switch between who loads and who unloads but most of the time it just falls on Ahsoka to do both and she’s tried literally everything to get him to do the dishes

She’s made a chore chart, she’s let the dishes pile so high they’re at risk of all falling out, and she’s ratted him at to Obi-Wan but nothing works except giving him a challenge 

One day out of the blue she said something like “Last one to scale the wall washes the dishes when we get home!” 

And here’s the thing they’ve been doing these competitions for years so she knows he’s more than down 

Rex claims he’s never seen two people climb a wall faster in his life “They were like a blur” is something he mumbled after the two probably broke the galaxies record 

Ahsoka won by pure determination alone her sore arms and scraped-up hands would be worth it when she got home and wouldn't have to do the dishes

Even tho their shared space is relatively clean Anakin’s room is like a death trap

Random clothing items are strewn all over the floor and pieces of droids are scattered among them the first time Ahsoka walked into the room she almost ate shit twice and if it wasn’t for her training she would have hit the floor the second she stepped inside 

It’s a genuine miracle that he’s able to navigate this landmine of crap especially cause he doesn’t have night vision like she does 

Ever since I heard Ahsoka growl that one time I’ve been imagining her doing rottie rumbles (which just means she growls when she’s happy look it up it’s adorable) 

The first time it happened was when Ahsoka and Anakin were watching a movie and they fell asleep 

He woke up basically on top of her and heard quiet rumbling coming from the togruta he quickly got off cause he thought he was hurting her and she woke up confused he asked if she was in pain and all she said was that was the best she had slept in a while 

The next time was when the two had to share a bed with Obi-Wan it ended up working in their favor cause the planet they were on was freezing 

She started to growl again but the two men were 1. Too tired to move and 2. Kind of curious why she was growling 

When nothing changed and she didn’t seem to be exuding any kind of pain or stress they stayed 

After a couple of times Anakin and Obi-Wan managed to calm down this instinctual part of themselves that told them to back up when something growls 

The first time Padme witnessed it was during a big old group hug between her, her husband Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka 

She almost gave it to that instinct if it wasn’t for Anakin and Obi-Wan's calm demeanor 

Honestly it’s kind of become a telltale sign of who’s close to Ahsoka cause most people that she’s comfortable with know the difference between her happy grumbles and the growls that mean she wants to tear someones face off

Both Anakin and Ahsoka hate going to the med bay and the halls of healing or any place that’s got a person with medical training and tools to poke and prod them  

And the healers hate them for it because most of the time the last thing they want to do is chase down a Jedi and his padawan as they’re bleeding out

So most of them banned together to give the duo a pretty extensive first aid kit and teach them both how to use it 

Because for some kriffing reason they’re okay with being poked and prodded at if it isn’t a medical professional

The duo also participates in a decent amount of first aid training which has saved both of them and many other's so no one complains when they skip out on kind of important duties for those classes

As someone who has a lot of older siblings who I’m not related to so it wasn’t uncommon for people to tell me how attractive my siblings were 

So I’m just imagining the other padawans telling Ahsoka how lucky she is to have Anakin as a mentor and while they’re complimenting him she notices a lot of those comments were centered around his age and his looks 

At one point she’s sick of it and just straight up confronts them about it and they turn around and go “Well don’t you agree?” she alternates between being hunched over laughing and hunched over gagging 

Anakin finds her a little while later still stuck in this sick cycle surrounded by a group of concerned padawans 

He tries to get her help cause she’s kinda freaking him out but she stops him and just guides them both away because she knows if he shows more protective older brother energy the padawans are gonna be even more weird 

Literally everyone is too scared to mention Ahsoka’s physical appearance around Anakin 

But there have been a couple of times when he’s on an off-world mission and witnessed some dumb kids pushing their friends in her direction because it’s obvious they think she’s pretty

God forbid they catch a glimpse of him while it’s happening tho cause they walk away shaking like a leaf  

He doesn’t think Ahsoka noticed and even if she did he distracted her with boba and ice cream because she can never turn that combo down

[lycorogue]

My friend and I decided that I have the WEIRDEST mutant superpower

OK, so some context.

I don't have a laundry hook-up at my place, so I have to drive about 7min down the road to the laundromat. I do laundry weekly and usually on the same day of the week.

For some reason, probably about 70% of the time, when I do laundry it rains or snows. It could be dry the rest of the week leading up to and following the day I do laundry. It could be clear all day. It could be clear literally except for the 2 hrs that I'm doing laundry!!! That day's precipitation may have been predicted to occur hours before I go to do laundry (and it doesn't happen, so I assume we got missed), or hours after I should be done. It will almost always end up coming "off-schedule" right when I'm doing laundry.

It'll show up either as I'm lugging the multiple loads from my car into the laundromat, so I have to sit in damp clothes, or as I'm trying to rush my freshly dried clothes out to the car.

It got to the point that my friend and I joke that if it's raining/snowing (especially a heavy precipitation), it's because I must be in the middle of doing laundry.

Another weird thing about me? Smut seems to just manifest when I'm in the room.

This has been happening for years now. My husband would pick an anime that's supposed to be full of fanservice, and it's actually relatively tame.

I'll pick one that's supposed to be a romance or action or... SOMETHING NOT SMUT... and the fanservice shows up in spades. My husband will just do this slow head turn towards me whenever it shows up on screen and I'll just be like, "It's not me! I didn't mean to pick this!" (no shade for those who enjoy smut, it just always seems to show up when I'm not AIMING to watch it... and you kinda have to be in the right mindset... at least *I* do... *ahem* ANYHOO!)

It's gotten to the point where my husband will be watching a show. It will be action packed. Not even a hint of romance between the characters. I will walk through the living room, just passing through for something. The next scene will be either something highly sensual, very sexually-charged, and/or a full-on sex scene.

"What did you do to my show!?" he'd teasingly yell. "IT ISN'T ME!" I'd yell back.

Case and point, I can't recall which isekai he was watching at the time, but Hubby was about 7 episodes in. No romance arc. No flirting. No "female characters vying for the male lead's attention" trope. Purely action.

I get home from work, and pass through the living room to go get changed.

The next scene has the male lead sodomizing a dragon with a spike as a form of torture... but she's also kinda sorta really into it and is moaning sensually?????

I poke my head back in: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WATCHING!?"

"I DUNNO! IT WASN'T LIKE THIS UNTIL YOU INFLUENCED IT!"

Literally, the next episode it went back to the normal action-based anime with virtually no sexual content. Hubby told me that scene with the dragon was basically the most sexual the series got....

You get the gist.

Anyway, fast forward to tonight, and the conversation I had with my friend that I joke about the laundry weather with.

Keep in mind, where I live it is perfectly normal that it's snowing in February.

[youcouldmakealife]

LBTE: Jared (149-150)

In which Jared is the last to find out about his sister's new boyfriend, and he takes it just as calmly as you'd expect.

If you would like to follow along the series page is here.

“Um,” Jared says, when he opens the front door of their apartment to find Bryce beaming right at him.

Like, right at him. Like if Jared had swung open the door without paying attention he might have smacked Bryce right in his beautiful face.

Literally ran to the door like a puppy hearing its human come home.

“I’m allowed to train again!” Bryce says.

“Like,” Jared says. “Very carefully?”

“Very carefully,” Bryce confirms, and then, as if he’s trying to completely undermine Jared’s confidence that he’ll take that advice seriously, bolts into the living room at high speed.

A puppy with the zoomies.

Jared catches “—sorry, had to tell Jared—“, which he thinks means Bryce literally dropped everything to tell him, everything presumably being a call with Elaine. Though it could be someone else, Jared supposes. Theoretically.

“—love you too, mom,” Bryce says, then reappears so quickly Jared thinks he bolted right back.

Zoom zoom. (To no one’s surprise, he did — albeit with ‘one sec I think Jared’s home’ first. Elaine didn’t mind)

“Come on!” Bryce says, and that’s how Jared caps off an entire day at the gym by going to another, closer gym, and trying not to helicopter husband, partly because they’re in public, and partly because Bryce might bite his head off if he gets between him and the equipment after a long absence.

Relationship with Jared over, now gym equipment is Bryce’s best friend.

Jared says nothing, even when a piece of penne lands on the carpet. Bryce is too happy about all the complaining he’s doing to deflate him. And it’s not like Jared’s worried Bryce is going to go hungry.

He does, however, make Bryce clean the pasta up, because if he didn’t he’s pretty sure Bryce would literally not even notice it was there. He has to do it again himself after Bryce does a half-assed job and then puts his nose right in his phone. Thank fuck it wasn’t a tomato based sauce or their carpet would be toast. Why do they even have a carpet? They’re clearly not responsible enough for one.

Seriously, carpet should have disqualified the place.

“Uh, J?” Bryce says. “You might want to check twitter?”

“Signing?” Jared asks on his way back from the kitchen. It’s getting around that time where some of the stragglers realise a contract-less season is imminent and take whatever offers are still available. That or teams realise they’re missing a key piece of the picture and start looking into what’s available and affordable. “Trade?”

“Um,” Bryce says, his whole body a wince, which is — concerning. “Just look?”

No fucking way Bryce is telling him, you can’t make him.

“Did they trade Gabe?” Jared asks.

They can’t trade Gabe. Gabe’s franchise, one of only two players from that Cup season still on the Canucks. He’s a fan favourite, and a sizeable contingent of their younger fans don’t remember a team without him. It’s pretty much an open secret he wants to spend his entire career in Vancouver, and that’s mutual. Also Stephen would fight management. Possibly literally.

Also Jared would be sad, so clearly it’s not allowed.

It has to be someone on the team who means more to Jared than they do to Bryce, considering it’s something Bryce thinks Jared needs to see for himself, which leaves Gabe and —

Literally it’s just Gabe.

Also Stephen, but Jared’s pretty sure Brian can’t trade him.

“Nobody’s traded!” Bryce says. “Just. You need to see it? Instead of me telling you about it?”

Not for a million dollars will Bryce tell him.

If people on the internet are talking about how hot they think Jared’s dad is again, he swears to god —

One of my favourite subplots that doesn’t make the main narrative — Don the DILF.

“Erin’s trending again,” Bryce says.

Jared’s sister trending on twitter is really not something that Jared expected to happen twice. Like, even in a big Canadian market, that’s getting slightly absurd for a the sister of a middle-six forward.

Imagine how she feels. (She again thinks it’s funny)

Bryce gently kicks him in the shin. “You might want to look it up.”

“No thanks,” Jared says.

Bryce kicks him again. “Seriously, though.”

“If I do will you stop kicking me?” Jared asks.

“Yeah,” Bryce says.

Please look this up out of your own volition so you won’t shoot Bryce Marcus, Messenger.

“J,” Bryce says. “He’s clearly not going to pick up.”

Jared hits ‘end’ and then ‘call’ for the fourth time.

Surely he will pick up the fourth time you call to yell at him.

“Maybe just leave a message?” Bryce suggests weakly.

“Are you fucking my sister?” Jared asks when the operator’s finished telling him the number he has dialled is currently unavailable, because Julius couldn’t even be bothered to set his voicemail message after literal years in Canada. “And pick up your fucking phone, Halla, I swear to god.”

Bryce regrets his suggestion.

“What,” he says.

“He’s probably not going to want to call you back?” Bryce says. “If you sound like that?”

“Nobody cares what Julius wants!” Jared says.

“Um,” Bryce says. “Are you — okay?”

Bryce increasingly realising Jared was completely blindsided by this and mentally rewinding to every time he thought Jared was just ignoring the relationship out of pettiness.

“You knew about this,” Jared says with dawning realisation.

Bryce looks shifty.

“You knew,” Jared says. “And you let me find out from twitter.”

“I didn’t know know,” Bryce says.

They have not been formally told, but nobody has been hiding this from them. See: several parts ago, when Erin was visiting a friend in Edmonton (nobody told Jared it was a university friend, as he stated, Jared just assumed it must be because he knows Erin didn’t keep in touch with anyone from high school or earlier. Neither Matheson sibling is a big friend maker)

“Jared,” Bryce says, then, from the other side of a slammed door, “Hey, that’s my room!”

Jared is sulking, so by all rights the sulking room now belongs to him.

He’d ask if the picture was misinterpreted, like it was with Bryce, but there really aren’t that many interpretations for a kiss. Sure, some cultures greet one another with kisses, but as far as Jared is aware, the Finns are not one of them, and neither are the Mathesons.

Ah yes, the famed Matheson culture. Signs of affection are ribbing, mockery, and snide.

And even if a kiss on the mouth was a Finnish greeting, it’d be one Julius would pointedly not do. Julius doesn’t like participating in things.

This is so accurate but hilarious from Jared because it’s one of the reasons they get along so well.

He’s not your liney anymore. Erin replies. P sure both your current lineys are already taken.

Also he’s literally on a rival team now? That’s like the anti-liney.

Ene-liney.

So you’re not denying it. Jared texts. He originally ended the text an exclamation mark, but that looked too dramatic. He’s fine. He’s chill.

So you’re not denying it!

Is this a thing? Jared writes, after deleting the two extra question marks that somehow popped up.

Is this a thing???

How long has this been a thing? Jared asks.

Officially? Like two weeks.

Before this there was some hanging out. But the euphemism-y kind of hanging out. And some texting while Julius was away. But Julius came back from Finland early, even before it was ‘officially’, which makes it a full-on Thing.

Unofficially? Jared asks.

Idk. You know how it is, Erin replies.

Jared does not know how it is. He can’t even begin to guess what she’s referring to, he has so little awareness of how it is. He met Bryce and that was it for him. Well. Give or take a few weeks and a minor grudge.

Oh we’re calling it a minor grudge now?

Wait no you don’t you were engaged at my age hahaha

Erin obviously knows Jared was engaged at nineteen, and gave him shit for it at the time (her ‘I can’t believe you’re going to be a child bride’ is one of my favourite lines in the entire series) but now that she’s nineteen herself?

His phone lights up with another text, which is just hahahahahaha and crying laughing emojis.

She’s dying what were they THINKING.

“Can I come in?” Bryce asks meekly.

“Fine,” Jared says, since it’s not like he’s talking to Erin anymore. Though he doesn’t know why Bryce would want to. This is the sulking room, and Bryce doesn’t seem sulky about this at all.

Only Big Sulky Babies allowed.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you?” Bryce says, perching on the bed beside Jared as Jared tries to forcibly wipe his brain clean. “I just — kind of thought it was something we both knew but we were like, pretending we didn’t know so you could ignore it forever.”

Look at Bryce supportively pretend something doesn’t exist because he fears for Jared’s sanity.

“Don and I are cool now,” Bryce says. “Sort of. Mostly. He hasn’t insulted me to my face in like – a while. Huh. That’s a good sign.”

Don did mean it about Bryce being a member of the family after he married Jared. You don’t insult family. Mock? Sure. Tease? Absolutely. But insult? Absolutely not.

“Why didn’t someone actually say ‘hey Jared, you do know this is a thing, right?’” Jared asks. His immediate family and Julius all know that Jared can be, well —

Someone should have made sure he was aware, is the point.

“I honestly think Erin just wanted to see how long it’d take you to figure it out if no one actually said ‘hey Jared, Erin and Julius are dating’,” Bryce says. “And apparently the answer was a picture on twitter?”

Everyone assumed Jared already knew and was pointedly ignoring it. Except Erin. She knew that Jared would yell at her or Julius when he knew, and therefore he was still in the dark.

Bryce looks shifty again. “Ash told me that Erin said that?”

Which means Ash knows, obviously. And that Ash and Bryce have discussed this. So Chaz must know. And Maia. Not that babies know things, just —

Don’t worry, Jared, I promise Maia didn’t know before you.

Fucking Oilers fans found out about this before Jared did. Flames fans did.

He doesn’t know why, but the fact Flames fans knew this before Jared did makes this so much worse than if it was just Oilers fans.

This is simultaneously a weird thing to get stuck on, yet also totally understandable. Oilers fans are Julius fans. Flames fans are Julius haters. But also may remember Erin from Bryce drama. Also fuck Flames fans, all Jared’s homies hate Flames fans.

Jared’s phone buzzes from where he tossed it after the last emoji round. He bets it’s more hahahahas. Possibly some skulls. Erin likes to die laughing.

She can’t hahaha any longer, she’s already dead from laughing.

150. Affront

Jared thinks people are supposed to be afraid of death. He’s pretty sure that’s common, reasonable. When threatened with death, people should feel fear. But what is Julius Halla doing right now? He’s laughing. At Jared.

He basically lived with you, Jared, he knows just how little true bite there is in you.

“Stop laughing,” Jared hisses. “You traitor.”

“Who am I a traitor to,” Julius says. He sounds vaguely curious, like someone who’s been accused of something ludicrous, and is interested to see how you came to that conclusion. Which is rich, for a traitor.

But who is he a traitor TO, Jared?

“Me!” Jared says. “And friendship! And lineys! And — there’s a code!”

I do enjoy Jared continually using Julius being his liney as a reason when they have now been divisional rivals longer than they were ever linemates.

“You think it’s the definition of toxic masculinity,” Julius says. “And that it frequently treats women as objects and prizes to be won, and also acts like showing affection towards your friends is gay. And you’re gay, and you think showing affection is disgusting, so obviously there is no connection.”

He listens <3

“She’s like, ten!” Jared says. “She’s way too young for you.”

Julius is very quiet. “How much older than you is—“

There’s about a two and a half year age difference between Erin and Julius. Bryce and Jared’s is just shy of four years. As Julius well knows, the bastard.

“Eating my food and dating my sister,” Jared says. “Who is a child.”

“How old were you when you got engaged?” Julius asks.

Jared can only an inarticulate sound of rage in answer, because Julius knows exactly how old he was when he got engaged.

The answer is ‘exactly as old as Erin is now’. As Julius is well aware, the BASTARD. Also, a missing word, my bad.

“Wait,” Jared says, suddenly horrified. More horrified. “You’re not engaged, are you?”

“No!” Julius says, sounding equally horrified.

This question isn’t the reason Julius doesn’t want to get married, but it certainly did not help.

“How did this even happen,” Jared moans. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know anything. Why didn’t you tell me.”

This feels like a trick question.

“I wanted to wait to tell you in person,” Julius says. “Because I was concerned you’d be, well. You know.”

People keep telling Jared he knows things that he does not know.

“I don’t know,” he says.

“Hysterical,” Julius says.

“I am not hysterical!” Jared says.

This might be more believable if Jared hadn’t shrieked that last bit.

The fact Bryce bursts out laughing in the living room contradicts that statement, but Julius can’t hear him. And maybe it’s coincidental laughter. Maybe Bryce is watching something funny. Because Jared is not hysterical.

“Wait, Erin didn’t think I’d be hysterical?” Jared says.

Look, Jared may deny he’s hysterical, but also — why didn’t Erin think he’d be hysterical? Even if he isn’t. Because he is not. But also — really?

For all of Erin’s many…many…many faults, an inability to predict Jared’s behaviour is unfortunately not one of them. She used her predictive ability for blackmail purposes way too much when they were younger, always caught him in the act when he was breaking the few house rules he ever broke then threatened to snitch if Jared didn’t do shit for her. He made her so many grilled cheese sandwiches. To this day he associates grilled cheese with smug smiles and extortion.

Admission of hysteria. Also Jared makes an excellent grilled cheese sandwich. Worth surveillance for blackmail purposes for sure.

“But I was in Finland at the beginning of summer,” Julius says. “And then Bryce injured his shoulder, and you went to Vancouver, and there was no good time. And then twitter.”

Julius, if asked, would say they were a thing months earlier than Erin would. But they had not yet defined the relationship.

“She’s fine,” Julius says. “She thinks it’s funny.”

He sounds faintly scandalised. Which is understandable, because it’s not funny.

“Did you tell her it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I did,” Julius says. “She says she gets to decide if it’s funny or not.”

“But it’s not funny,” Jared says.

“I know,” Julius says.

Counterpoint from Erin: it’s fucking hilarious, you’re both just boring.

“Don’t like —“ Jared says, then pauses, because there are a lot of different demands warring in him right now. “That’s my sister, Halla.”

“I know,” Julius says. “Would it help if I told you I have…strong…feelings—“

“Gross,” Jared says. “Stop talking.”

“Okay,” Julius says, sounding greatly relieved.

I love their friendship. Every time feelings are involved they both react like cats getting sprayed with water.

“No,” Jared says. “Obviously it is. Did you know that they were together?”

There’s a silence.

“Mom?” Jared says.

“…did you not?” his mom asks. “Jared!”

NOBODY was hiding this from Jared. Nobody.

“Erin’s spent more time in Edmonton than Calgary since her semester ended,” mom says.

“She has a friend there,” Jared says, then, “Oh.”

Yes.

There's only one direct reference to Erin and Julius’ relationship before Jared finds out in the series, because I had to ride a careful line there, as Jared hadn’t noticed anything, so his POV wouldn’t really reflect the information he wasn’t paying attention to.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jared demands. ‘Friend’ is not telling him. ‘Friend’ is a euphemism you use when the other person already knows.

“I thought you knew!” his mom says. “And were just immaturely pretending that as long as you didn’t acknowledge it then it wasn’t actually happening!”

Jared thinks it might be a concerning sign that the two people who know him best both assume he thinks that if he pretends something hard enough, it won’t happen.

Yes that might indicate something about you, Jared.

“Yes!” Jared says. “Why aren’t you mad about this? Your daughter’s dating a hockey player. A hockey player. And you’re letting her?”

“You’re a hockey player, Jared,” his mom says. “As is your husband. And literally all of your friends.”

This isn’t exactly Grace’s mom upon finding out she was dating Raf.

“That’s just people in general, sweetie,” his mom says. “And we know Julius is a nice young man.”

“He is not,” Jared says. Julius is many things, but he is not nice.

“You know what I mean by nice, Jared,” his mom says.

He’s not a nice boy, but he is a good one. Also he speaks Matheson quite fluently.

“You can’t just assume that I like him.”

“Jared,” his mom says. “You love that boy. You brought him home for Christmas.”

“Out of the kindness of my heart,” Jared says.

“You brought home someone you don’t like for Christmas out of the kindness of your heart,” his mom says. “And then you invited him to your wedding. As one of the handful of guests who wasn’t immediately related to you or Bryce. Out of the kindness of your heart.”

Jared, we all know there is not even close to that much kindness in your heart.

“Obviously you like him, or he wouldn’t be one of your best friends,” his mom says. “And since you’re choosy about who you’re friends with, that means a lot. You have extremely good taste in friends, when you actually bother to make them.”

Jared picks at the hem of his shorts.

Jared thinks it’s quite rude for his mom to use facts and reason against him when he is intent on being unreasonable.

“Gross, love,” Jared says.

“I won’t tell Erin you love her, I promise,” his mom says.

“Good,” Jared says. “Ew.”

How dare anyone say he loves his (demon) sister.

“Jared,” his mom says. “Are you making this all about you?”

“No,” Jared says.

“Jared,” his mom says.

“Well it’s a little bit about me, isn’t it!” Jared says. “He’s my friend. And liney.”

“Former liney,” his mom says. Everyone’s so fixated on that part. Liney status can last past being teammates. Look at Jared and Chaz: linemates for life. Even though Bryce subsequently stole Chaz a little, despite the fact they played on completely different lines on the Flames. Not that it’s stealing. Couples share.

Jared can share. Look at how good Jared is at sharing. He only holds Bryce befriending Chaz against him a little, years down the line. That’s sharing.

Eventually Julius is going to get exposed to Erin’s sparkling personality.

He’s had some exposure therapy, rooming with Jared.

Jared would mention that long-distance relationships are highly prone to failure, but he’s pretty sure mom would bring up how much of his relationship with Bryce involved long-distance, and Jared is frankly sick of people reminding him of his own extremely successful relationship, and not letting him be hypocritical.

What bullshit.

He hates arguing with his mom. It’s like arguing with himself, except worse, because at least when he argues with himself, he always technically wins.

The best kind of argument.

“You remind me so much of your dad right now,” mom says.

“Mom!” Jared says.

“A little Don in the making,” his mom says. “He’d be so proud.”

Jared tries to tell her to take it back, but all he can manage is an inarticulate sound of rage. Again.

The cruelest thing you could say to him.

“I got Thai from that place on Burrard you really like,” Bryce says, then, all in a rush, “Sorry for assuming you knew about Julius and Erin and were just pretending you didn’t instead of like, actually not knowing. If I knew you actually didn’t know I would have told you. Or made Erin tell you because it wouldn’t be my place to tell you or. Are you mad at me?”

Sala Thai, for anyone curious. Also, poor Bryce. He really did think Jared knew.

“Did you get me soup to shut me up?” Jared asks.

“I got you it because it’s your favourite?” Bryce says, looking both hurt and confused.

Poor, poor Bryce.

“—and doesn’t he realise what Erin’s like?” Jared says. “Because he is going to be unpleasantly surprised when he gets to know her a little better.”

“Uh,” Bryce says. “I think he’s had a pretty good preview of what Erin’s like?”

BRYCE, NO. I mean, you are 100% correct, but NO.

“We are nothing alike,” Jared says.

“Erin made the exact same face when I said that,” Bryce says. “Like. That’s almost creepy.”

“You’ve said this to her?” Jared says.

“Yeah, because you’re both—“ Bryce says, then, “Ow! She did that too!”

Why do Mathesons keep smacking Bryce’s arm when he tells them the truth?

“We’re nothing alike,” Jared mutters.

Bryce says nothing, but he’s got this look on his face like ‘I’m humouring you right now by not arguing, but you know and I know that you’re full of shit’.

“Stop — looking at me with that face,” Jared says.

Bryce huffs out a laugh. “Erin said—“

Jared can’t hear him.

“Jared,” Bryce says, muffled. “Jared, I know you can hear me.”

Jared cannot.

Erin wasn’t immature enough to put her hands over her ears though, that one’s all Jared.

“Take it back,” Jared says.

“No,” Bryce says. “I’m not pretending something isn’t true just because you don’t like it, that’s ridiculous.”

Jared picks up his noodles.

“I got you soup,” Bryce says sadly as Jared stomps right back to the sulking room, this time with dinner.

Poor, poor Bryce.

[lonesomedreamer]

“The Rings of Power” Liveblog: The Eye (Episode 7)

That ANY characters survived the volcanic destruction of Bronwyn’s village requires massive suspension of disbelief…that (almost) all of the named characters did so is laughable.

Isildur has plot armor. There’s just no tension created for me by putting him in danger.

Oh, thank goodness, the Harfoots are back.

Not-Gandalf’s sad puppy eyes when he does something else that scares Nori are so effective. My heart. :(

“I am no common Elf, but Elrond Half-elven” So…not even a common Elf, you’re saying?

“The fate of the Elves was decided many Ages ago” The fate of the Elves—the Noldor or any others—isn’t whatever this show thinks it is.

It’s a shame that the acting in the father-son Durin scenes is always top-tier, because the writing leaves much to be desired.

Give this man an Emmy!

Mithril being a literal magical cure for whatever physical manifestation of Evil that’s infecting Lindon is just so dumb.

All the Númenórean horses survived, too? Sure.

Nooo, don’t send not-Gandalf away. :'(

It’s elanor, see? Very sweet! But also: why does everything need an origin story?

Give him an Emmy, too.

“And my husband. Celeborn was his name.” Excuse me, Galadriel’s HUSBAND? Whose existence hasn’t even been hinted at for six entire episodes?? And now she’s saying he’s dead?!?

“We met in a glade of flowers. I was dancing, and he saw me there.” Beren and Lúthien called: they want their love story back. (I mean…there’s no reason this couldn’t have happened for Celeborn and Galadriel, too—they also met in Doriath. But a meet-cute that was actually unique would be preferable.)

She looks appropriately dreamy when reminiscing about him, at least.

Again, the scenes between the two Durins are so well-acted, but their feud over the mithril and the Elves, and the king ultimately disowning his son over it, feels wasted.

The Weird Sisters are also back, unfortunately…and it turns out they’re evil. For reasons. The Harfoots need to suffer. Everyone needs to suffer. (sigh)

Other than one of Isildur’s buddies, the only supposed casualties among named characters were Bronwyn and Arondir…and surprise: they’re both alive, actually! Isildur’s obviously alive, too—based on his plot armor and multiple unsubtle hints throughout the episode���so tl;dr see my first point: no one died. But they’re happy to show plenty of third-degree burns and severed limbs, because this isn’t escapism: it’s grimdark.

Suddenly Theo’s treating Arondir like his dad? (Hell, maybe he IS Theo’s dad.)

“We sail with the tide.” Asking again: how close was Theo’s village to the coast, and how does travel time work on this show?

A heartwarming Harfoot scene! Yay!

“I’ll not abandon these lands and condemn them to burn.” Lmao…please just reveal Halbrand’s actual identity already, I am begging.

Halbrand is just going to ride off for hundreds of miles on horseback with a gaping, infected wound in his abdomen so severe that it must be treated by Elves to heal? Good thing he’s actually [redacted]!

So a leaf…awoke the Balrog? Or maybe the Balrog’s just there as very heavy-handed foreshadowing of what will eventually happen to this kingdom. It’s also funny (and disappointing) that they kept the exact same Balrog design from the WB movies.

The Good:

Some good Harfoot moments, plus actual character growth among several of them!

Poppy sings! ♥

The acting is pretty solid all around: from decent (Galadriel, Theo) to good (Disa, Elrond, all the Harfoots) to excellent (the Stranger, both Durins) without any performances that stuck out as really mediocre or bad.

The camaraderie between Durin and Elrond (and Disa) is both fun and a little bit heartbreaking.

Celeborn’s existence finally being acknowledged!

The Bad:

The writing is abysmal. Even keeping in mind that this is Tolkien-inspired at best and certainly not any kind of actual adaptation, it stinks. Let me count the ways.

No one should have survived the volcano, much less everyone who matters in the narrative.

Mithril should not have magical properties (the light of a Silmaril…gag) that save Elves from whatever is supposedly and suddenly wrong with them, and the king of Khazad-dûm should not be antagonizing/disowning his son over it.

Three unnamed, “mysterious” and, apparently, evil witch/priestess figures should not be hunting for the Stranger—and hurting harmless Halflings in the process—all for No Apparent Reason.

It shouldn’t be revealed that Galadriel, the show’s central protagonist whose primary motivation is, after all, seeking revenge, was widowed (!) in the last war seven episodes into an eight-episode season.

The writers shouldn’t pretend to “kill off” a character the audience knows has to live (Isildur), because there’s no narrative or dramatic purpose.

Oh, and the writers keep veering into grimdark fantasy territory when it’s tonally inappropriate for Tolkien’s universe. Tragic things, indeed terrible things, can and do happen in Middle-earth, but they’re not described the way this show is portraying them, and they’re not unremitting and random a la Game of Thrones.

I have no hopes whatsoever for the season finale (unless it’s to get a few more of those gorgeous visuals…that’s why I’m still watching, really), but at least Halbrand’s identity will finally be out in the open.

[daisyjonesgf]

Honeybee writing 'Good Luck, Babe!' about Daisy...

And then performing it when she's an opener for the band...

So there's that line from the song: "With her arms out like an angel through the car sunroof"

and it just invokes that imagery of performers wearing those flow-y dresses with the sleeves and they're perfectly backlit by a stagelight

See here:

(Upon looking at images of dresses and outfits like that, I'm figuring that one would solve abt half of my problems) (also, that Daisy picture is exactly what made my brain make that connection that her and Honeybee are "GLB" coded)

So, I've only read the book so far (hurray!!! It made me cry!!! But now the personas and lore makes more sense to me), but the stint of time that Daisy was married to that one "prince" guy is definitely the bridge:

"When you wake up next to him in the middle of the night/With your head in your hands, you're nothing more than his wife/And when you think about me, all of those years ago/You're standing face to face with *I told you so*"

I feel like the song would come about when Honeybee is getting a bit miffed with the back and forth between her and Daisy and their usual "where is this relationship going?" conversation... ESPECIALLY IF IT’S AFTER SHE IMPULSIVELY MARRIED THAT GUY!!!

~~~

On the other hand, if Honeybee isn't feeling scathing and slightly wronged, I think she would've written "ivy" about Daisy(as im writing this, thinking about the line "i once was poison ivy, but now i'm your daisy" from Don’t Blame Me... hmm)

I, personally, have always seen "ivy" in a sapphic lense. I dunno why. It just... maybe it's because it was included in the show about Emily Dickinson! I don’t know!

And maybe it's more in line with Honeybee writing from the perspective of Daisy. Or, fuck, we can even flip it and say this is something Daisy wrote for Honeybee during a moment of sobriety or just realizing how much she genuinely does love her.

"I wish to know/The fatal flaw that makes you long to be/Magnificently cursed/He's in the room/Your opal eyes are all I wish to see/He wants what's only yours"

And

"How's one to know?/I'd live and die for moments that we stole/On begged and borrowed time/So tell me to run/Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become/And drink my husband's wine"

I dunno... I just can't wait to flesh out Honeybee a bit more

honeybee actually wrote so many chappel roan songs guys, she's just that girl I fear 😭

you literally brought the receipts and I love that, like yes, that's exactly what she would be referencing on top of all the times I think daisy would do that exact same thing when driving in the car

I do think though that honeybee would start gaining popularity as a pop singer before djats was on the scene, during the period billy was in rehab, and so the band would hate her based off of pop music but I think daisy appreciates all kinds of music and before they even met would have her songs stuck in her head

the book is literally my favorite book, I love it sm, welcome to the club ✨️ but yeah before daisy dissappears for her impromptu trip her and honeybee are fighting about how daisy could have her and chooses to put up with the billy bs instead, and daisy and honeybee are just a situationship and it's infuriating, but then daisy comes back with a husband after not long at all and honeybee is seething bc wtf

and anytime it plays on the radio when her husband is around daisy is changing that station so fast and just saying she doesn't get along with that singer

I like daisy writing ivy when she misses honeybee bc even if they see each other they're not on speaking terms after she gets married bc honeybee is obviously so pressed at the time, a song she would write and ppl would think it's ab billy but it's ab honeybee and karen KNOWS she can just tell

but the girlies do meet up at some point and agree to just be "friends" except that's def not what happens I fear 🤭

[andyling]

Heyyyyy so session 5 sure was a time SO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

BOOGEYMAN 2 ELECTRIC BOOGALOO WITH TANGO OF THE TEK

Team Ties really woke up and chose violence this session

were they even trying to kill anyone? i think they just wanted chaos

TANGO BOOGEY TWICE IN A ROW HELL YEAH LET’S GO

TEAM BEST FLASHBACKS TEAM BEST FLASHBACKS 

soooo Team Bites hmmm, let’s see how long that lasts

Skizz I’m sorry, but Bdubs betrayed y’all before in Last Life and he sure as hell will do it again

EVERYONE STEALS THE MEAN GILLS’ SUGARCANE LMAO

I think the whole reason Team Ties blew up the bread bridge was because they had too much TNT and all of them are obsessed with blowing shit up

Like they didn’t go for anyone’s actual bases, they weren’t trying to destroy resources, and they weren’t trying to kill anyone

motherfuckers just wanted to make things go boom

AND I AM IN FULL SUPPORT OF THAT WOO GO TEAM TIES

Tango’s toaster PSA caught me so off guard WHO GAVE HIM THAT IDEA?!?!? WHY IS HE LIKE THIS?!?!?

the fact that Tango had already accepted that their tower was gonna get destroyed, mans may be insane but he’s fair that’s for sure

awwwwww them chanting MVP to Etho is so sweet

tango’s the server resident professional warden wrangler now

good to know Tango still remembers every person that’s wronged him

TANGO FINALLY GOT REVENGE ON BDUBS FOR LAST LIFE HAHAHAHA WOOOOOOO ABOUT FUCKING TIME!!!! >:D

also Tango getting an effective trap out of tnt minecarts is character development, good for him! :D

soooo does Tango have the most time out of everyone on the server now?

team bites did not last long askdghajsghkjadkdsak

Nosy Neighbors and Team Ties becoming allies is not something I expected to happen, but it is very welcomed

Team Ties are actually pretty great to have as allies as long as you don’t spite them, then honey you got a big storm coming

THE SATISFACTION I FELT WHEN TANGO BROUGHT UP LAST LIFE TO BDUBS IS IMMESURABLE HELL YEAH BABY REVENGE IS SWEET

Jimmy “sad boi” Solidarity everyone

Love how Jimmy spends most of Limited Life acting as though he’s in a Let’s Play series

mans is in the middle of a death game and he’s like “Alright gang, today we’re getting sheep!”

gotta love how the title for “most antagonistic team on the server” keeps bouncing between the Bad Bois and Team Ties 

Flower Husbands and their never-ending divorce

bye bye bad bois bread bridge

why is Joel specifically blaming Tango akjfjhdkasghkadjs

it’s hilarious how they’re all questioning why Team Ties blew up the bread bridge when the actual answer is probably “they like blowing things up”

no thoughts, head empty, just boom boom

WHY IS NO ONE TALKING ABOUT GRIAN’S ALLIANCE WITH SKIZZ THAT SEEMS LIKE IT SHOULD BE IMPORTANT IS IT STILL INTACT???

BRUH JIMMY IS SO EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED TO THAT FROG DO YOU HEAR HIS VOICE GODDAMN

awwww judge judy and executioner jumped to Jimmy that’s cute

PEARL NO

poor judge judy and executioner :(

Grian is so appalled at the carrot cake oh my gosh

GRIAN CALLING THE FROG CONFLICT A SIDE PLOT, THAT’S CANON

dude Grian is so done with everything 

the Bad Bois and the Clockers are family now, this family tree is wack

Scar you can’t call them Boomers when Bdubs was literally on a team called the Boomers on Hermitcraft with Impulse and Tango

AMAZING HOW THE BAD BOIS WENT INTO THE TIES BASE AND JOEL AND JIMMY HAD NO IDEA WHY

this is why we all think Grian’s gonna betray them

GRIAN’S SHEER PANIC WHEN GETTING ATTACKED BY THE ENDERMAN MY MAN WAS LOSING HIS MIND

everyone is so nonchalant about reds this season 

Zombiecleo watches her children make poor decisions for 40 minutes

Cleo packing snacks for Bdubs and Scar and then sending them to be supervised elsewhere is so funny

sending them to Etho was probably not a great idea though considering Team Ties need supervision themselves 

they don’t have any which is why they’re constantly going off the rails

LMAO CLEO OVERHEARD TEAM BITES ENTIRE CONVERSATION

I LOVE THE SUBTITLES THAT CLEO PUTS IN HER VIDEOS THEY’RE SO FUNNY

ooooooooh Bdubs is in troubleeeeee

it really does feel like he’s being scolded by his mother LMAO

Scar really decided to make up a whole ass holiday and not tell anyone else on the server except for his family and only to give them presents

BDUBS WHAT DO YOU MEAN ETHO STARTED SMOKING HELLO???

love how aware Cleo is of whatever the fuck is going on with Bdubs and Etho throughout the life series

THE ENDERMAN ARE REALLY GOING OFF THIS SESSION

honestly i think Cleo dislikes Team Ties because of Etho and Etho specifically, like she seems pretty chill with Tango

“if you’re gonna be an absent father could you at least be absent” GOES SO HARD HOLY SHIT CLEO GO OFF QUEEN

Bdubs is so close to being disowned by his family

CLEO AND SCAR KNOWING FULLY WELL THAT BDUBS IS ABOUT TO BE BOOGEY KILLED AND SAYING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO HIM

whelp Team Bites is dead

THE AWKWARD FAMILY DINNER OH MY FUCKING GOD

“Bdubs, how was your day?” Etho asks fully aware that his teammate blew Bdubs up because of Boogey and a two season long grudge

“This episode is weirder than the one with the fever” IT REALLY IS

ETHO DIDN’T EVEN FLINCH WHEN BDUBS PLACED THAT TNT DOWN MANS JUST CARRYING ON AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED

“wth is this dynamic?” YOU TELL ME CLEO YOU’RE THE ONE PLAYING INTO IT DON’T ACT LIKE YOU AREN’T

mom and dad are fighting

WHY ARE THEY PLAYING CATCH WITH A TNT MINECART WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM 

“sometimes children only learn the hard way” THEY NEVER LEARN

i don’t even think Etho was trying to kill them, all of them are just insane

this is the reason that skizzle didn’t go red first, THIS IS THE REASON

Etho is definitely losing the custody battle

CLEO’S PANIC UPON HEARING SCAR’S ABOUT TO GO RED

i’m getting flashbacks with “the red army rises” goddammit

what the fuck is wrong with Skizz

In conclusion, next session is gonna be WILD

[thecloudstan]

Yeah, I thought the entire time that it was AC Sephiroth in remake but that he was just using clones the entire time and not showing up physically until he literally rips through time itself. By the way, what did you think of the ending as a whole? And how they handled Aerith’s death? In my opinion there wasn’t any emotional impact for her death because the second she dies you just go into boss battle after boss battle and the time shenanigans happen, and you have no time to breathe and absorb it. The ending itself I found confusing, but I can’t say I completely hated it. I think all the time stuff is interesting and it makes me more invested in the third part because- presumably- that’s when all the questions get answered. Maybe that’s just because I never played the original though and wasn’t even a fan of FF7 until remake came out.

This is a very intriguing question, and as someone who has been playing this game since its 1997 release, I can only answer based on my experience. None of this is meant to sound unapproachable or anything...I just have an embarrassing amount of knowledge and attachment to this game and its characters...so...

I found how they handled Aerith's death to still be deeply stressful, emotional, and impactful. By that point, my husband and I had nearly convinced ourselves that they wouldn't go through with it. We expected her rescue, some sort of immediate fallout that would tie Zack in, and that the third game would be a sort of "World of Ruin" wherein the events have to be fixed and set right in order to stop Sephiroth. While Cloud DOES act, it doesn't result in her rescue in the way we anticipated. I'm actually really happy about this! Theorizing is fun, but I don't WANT to be right about everything. I'd like to be surprised.

In the original, Aerith dies, there's a VERY brief conversation between Sephiroth and Cloud, and you're immediately launched into a fight with Jenova. PROBABLY still crying your eyes out, because Aerith's theme is playing all the while, and just the juxtaposition of those two things was incredible. The party had just lost her and they're fighting for their lives. You, the player, have just lost her and now you're fighting, too. You don't have a choice. You don't get to rest. There is no respite.

Every step through the Forgotten City in Rebirth was nail biting, and her loss was still a tear jerker for me because the devs had thrown me enough off kilter that I kinda had no idea what to expect and had come to doubt my own predictions. Furthermore, it really did pull up a lot of latent emotion tied to this loss. It will always be deeply emotional for me with this game. In ways, I'm not even a good person to ask because I've been so intensely in love with them all for the past...27 years? I imagine the anticipation alone is giving old fans something to chew on that perhaps newer fans just can't relate to. I don't want to paint with too wide a brush. Everyone is different and I just have no other perspective than my own (admittedly very specific) experience.

I have no notes on the ending. I guess I'm actually really happy with it because a lot happened that I didn't expect and couldn't have predicted. I didn't approach it as something that needed to impress or regale me, rather I was curious what they would do and how I could immediately leap to interpret it. It was the same with the Remake ending. Everyone hated it and didn't understand it, but when the dust settled it became something to pick apart and theorize on. They gained my trust with Remake, so Rebirth to me is just a "sit back and enjoy" sort of experience. I also know what's happening because of my knowledge of the original. I know what's happening to Cloud, I understand Reunion, I know how some of these things come to their resolution in the third game (which is basically only the half way point of the original game). Of course, I'm sure they'll change it up because they've VERY MUCH been telling the same story by slightly different mechanisms, but I see the setups already in place in Rebirth.

[theshotsheardacrossworlds]

Laugh

A little fic based on @maxima-priscus's Estinien laugh cameo. SFW.

When Estinien Varlineau laughed, his wife could not help but smile. She often told people one of her favorite things about her husband was his laugh.

Not that many people will ever hear it.

In this moment though, the ones hearing him laugh were Esme and Agnes.

Esme, as usual, was cooing in her highchair.

Estinien was laughing his fucking ass off in the kitchen.

Agnes wanted to laugh. She really did.

Instead, she glanced at the ruined nameday cake on the floor and frowned.

I worked so hard on that cake. Now he has nothing special for his nameday dessert…

Hands on her wide, soft hips, she shook her head and tried not to cry. “I’m sorry, love. I can go out and buy something—”

He continued to laugh so much that tears were streaming down his face. “Ex-excuse me!” WHAT THE FUCK IS SO FUNNY?!?!?! YOUR NAMEDAY CAKE, WHICH I SPENT A LOT OF TIME ON, IS NOT FUNNY!!!!! He was so hard that he was wheezing. After what Agnes thought was quite literally forever, he wiped his eyes, and his breathing began to even out. “Forgive me, I laughed that much in sometime.”

“But that was your cake!!! Your nameday cake!!! It’s on the floor!!!!” She said exasperatedly, gesturing wildly to the cake on the floor. “I WORKED HARD ON THAT CAKE, SER!”

He stepped over the cake and hugged his wife, chuckling softly. “Aye, that it is. Between you spending so much time on it, tripping over your own feet, it falling, and your face as it all happened…twas so humorous, my love.”

Her face against his shoulder, she snorted. “Glad to know my baking misfortunes are so bloody amusing.”

His body rumbled as he laughed a little more. “Oh Agi, worry not. It’s just cake—”

“No, it’s a chocolate cake with snurlberry cheesecake filling, and whipped cream topping—”

“Just cake. Besides, I’ve my nameday dessert right here.” He smirked, grabbing a generous handful of her behind. “Best dessert on all the star.”

“YOU NAUGHTY MAN!” Agnes squealed, breaking free from his embrace. “Naughty man with the sexiest laugh on all the star!”

I love you, my grumpy dragon. I love your laugh. I love that I get to it every day.

However, I also loved that cake. It was going to be so good!

[astronautical-operatics]

my policeman - bethan roberts

3.5 stars. ultimately i think my high expectations (based on the movie’s hype and the first few chapters) doomed me. i had heard that it was really sad and emotional and the opening sets it up with so much potential, it just let me down.

first let me say what i enjoyed: 1950s england backdrop. discussed class differences, societal expectations + gender roles, criminalization of homosexuality. there was an episode of call the midwife that showed sodomy laws in a similar way around the same time frame. also enjoyed the way that roberts describes the intimacy of being a caretaker even or especially for someone that isn’t your immediate family but has become this way.

trying to be more mindful for my giant fan base so… spoilers below the cut

50s england: tom is a young policeman. he is married to a young schoolteacher named marion, seemingly mostly for convenience/safety. his lover is an older aristocrat named patrick. btw do not take the following as a faithful summary at all bc im leaving out portions in order to pinpoint my annoyances

i believe the book opens with an older marion caring for patrick in her home. it is now the 90s and patrick has had a stroke and needs full time care. tom is absent in some way. marion has decided to tell patrick about the events of the past from her perspective. at this point i expect that tom died tragically and this is going to be about them both mourning the man they loved and shared, and marion caring for patrick because he is the man tom loved and she has grown to love him platonically etc. not saying i want bury your gays it’s just what i expected with the tone.

and it’s purposefully vague so you’re like oh what happened to tom what happened and you find out like halfway through or something that he’s still there he just goes out and fucks random boys and leaves marion to care for patrick. the big thing in the book is that patrick goes to prison and it breaks tom. but it’s literally like a paragraph long and that’s it. it’s more focused on the fact that marion wrote an anonymous letter to patrick’s workplace to turn him in in a petty fit and then felt so guilty blah blah jealousy whatever oh i’m so sad i didn’t know that turning my husbands lover in would make him sad. not that she’s the antagonist. all three of them are just selfish and a product of their time and environment and they want but can’t have and can’t speak freely and be free and so on.

the whole book centers around a very short period of time and i kept assuming that when it switched perspectives from marion to patrick we would get to really see more and learn more about their relationship, but we just ended up mostly seeing the same events from the others’ eyes instead of broadening out to encompass more events. almost like the author didn’t want to think of other events so it just got recycled and it felt so lacking and i just wanted so much more. i want to know what happened in between the 50s and 90s. i want to hear from tom. i want details. and not every story needs likable characters but i yearned to connect with them and i never felt like i fully got to.

and another thing for me is like… if you’re gonna just write a novel do whatever but if this is based off a true story and im told that these three had a relationship for decades and it ended up being mainly successful, i want it to focus on that. i want to see their happy times together. i want to see them work through the shit. fill in the blanks. bring tom back in, show me how their relationships developed over time and how they shared tom and loved him and loved each other through him and how it was all worth it. i get to see hints of that and i liked what i started to see but it felt like two hours of plot in a ten hour book. and the author chose to change it so they all just kind of grow more distant instead of ever coming back together. but at the very end marion gets tom to sit with patrick who has like a week left to live and she packs her bags to leave and get a new life.

it literally was not a “bad” book and i am glad i read it, but like i said my expectations really shot me in the foot which is too bad. if i didn’t have any hopes im sure i would’ve enjoyed it a lot more and accepted it as it was. but i thought i knew (for once in my life) how the plot was gonna progress and i could not have been more wrong.