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dandelion-wings · 1 year ago

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Just sent in an ask game ask and oops re-read the prompts and realized 10 is said by two different characters haha... wouldn't make much sense. Can I pretend I meant Jean and Barbara with 19?

Hey, anon, I'm sorry this took so long! I got stuck a while on how to get through the sisterly repression for this line, too. XD;; And then I realized that if I wasn't writing Barbara the full birthday fic today I could steal a scene from it to set this up! So here you go.

ETA: Now archived on AO3.

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Barbara has planned the perfect afternoon. Noelle helped her set up the table in the gardens below Ordo headquarters and has just started brewing the tea. She hovers, knowing better than to try to help Noelle with something she considers her duties as a maid, and tries not to jitter too much with anticipation. All she's waiting for is--there, on the stairs leading down, the vivid purple of Lisa's broad-brimmed hat. Barbara steps back to give Noelle more space and to be ready to greet her sister.

Jean is protesting as they round the corner. "Lisa, I'm sure the gardens will be more pleasant than my office, but I don't have the time for a leisurely tea. I have to get all my work done this afternoon so that I can- Barbara?"

"Didn't I say I had a surprise for you?" Lisa asks, with a self-satisfied smile. "Don't worry about the work you had lined up this afternoon, dear. Kaeya has agreed to take your meetings, and I can handle the paperwork. *Your* only job is helping Barbara celebrate her birthday."

"But I was going to." Jean's voice is taking on the helpless tone that means she wants to give in even if she feels she shouldn't. "I was going to leave work early for your concert this evening."

"I know," Barbara assures her quickly, though the trouble from the start has been that she *didn't* know. That Jean intended to, yes; that something that seemed more important than Barbara wouldn't come up to interrupt her, no. "But I really wanted to spend some time with you that was just us, without a whole crowd. And when I mentioned it to Lisa and Noelle...."

"We thought we could arrange a birthday present."

"Oh. I see. If I'm their birthday present, then I have no choice." Jean's smile is helpless, too, but also fond. Barbara smiles back, selfish enough to believe that fondness is for her and not for Jean's knights.

"If you left, we'd feel terrible," Noelle says earnestly. "Please sit down, Master Jean."

Noelle pulls out a chair for her, then rushes to get the one beside her for Barbara. She holds the third for Lisa before settling down herself in the fourth and beginning to serve out the tea. Barbara watches with her hands clasped in her lap, eager and anxious, as Jean takes one of the little cream-cheese tarts and bites into it. Her smile is involuntarily, and Barbara and Noelle exchange a look of relief.

"These are wonderful. Noelle, did you make them?"

"Barbara did."

"With Noelle's help," Barbara says. "But I gathered the wolfhooks and valberries for them."

"They did do a very good job," Lisa agrees, taking one of her own. "I was a little disappointed they perfected their recipe so quickly. I'd been helping them taste-test."

Jean giggles at that, then smiles at Barbara. "They really are delicious. I don't know how you found the time with all the hard work you put in for the Church."

"I found the berries while I was already gathering healing herbs, so I didn't have to take time away from my duties. And then I just got up a little earlier to help Noelle bake, so that she wasn't doing that on Ordo time, either."

"You do know you're both allowed breaks, don't you?"

"As a matter of fact, all four of us are entitled to breaks in our working day. It's in the Ordo charter." Lisa smiles pointedly at Jean.

"I'm glad you like them," Barbara says quickly, before Jean can do more than open her mouth to argue.

"Very much." Jean seems grateful for a chance to look at Barbara, away from Lisa's smile. "You did say you wanted time that was just for us. If my duties are being handled this afternoon, I presume you made plans?"

"I thought we could take a walk to Windrise. I don't go there often these days, but I know you like it there, and it would be nice to walk together. I was also hoping we could go fishing?"

"Of course. There's an excellent fishing spot there. I don't have the time lately, but I suppose I do now."

Barbara can feel her anxiety slipping away, replaced by satisfied warmth. Thanks to her friends' kindness, she's going to get everything she wanted for her birthday: Jean's company, some time away from the city without having to worry about work, and the ability to do Jean a favor, too, by giving her an excuse for something she likes. The ever-present tension in Jean's shoulders is already beginning to fade. If she's doing this for her sister's benefit, then Barbara isn't really being selfish by also enjoying it herself.

"It sounds like a lovely afternoon," Lisa says, lifting the pot to top off their tea.

"I'll clean this up," Noelle adds. "And I have a picnic basket- oh, what's Sir Kaeya doing here?"

There's a feeling like a fist clenching in Barbara's chest. Kaeya had seemed so willing to help her with this, surely he wouldn't be here if it wasn't important. When she turns, he's grimacing apologetically, waving from the edge of the garden.

"Lisa, can I borrow you a moment?"

Jean starts to rise anyway. "I should-"

"No you shouldn't," Lisa says firmly as she stands. "I'll take care of it."

Glancing down at Barbara, Jean sinks back into her seat, but she doesn't pick her teacup back up or reach for another of the tarts. She keeps looking sideways at Kaeya and Lisa as they talk at the edge of the garden, just out of earshot. Barbara can't help but follow all those sideways looks.

Finally Kaeya nods to Lisa and turns to head back up the stairs, while she returns to the table. "Noelle, we'll have to leave Jean and Barbara alone for a little while. It's nothing terrible, I promise," she adds to Jean. "You two can just finish your tea and head off on your walk, and we'll be back later to clean all of this up."

"I suppose," Jean says, a little doubtfully, but she stays in her seat. The clenching in Barbara's chest relaxes just a little.

Barbara mouths 'thank you' at Lisa, who smiles and gives her a nod, then sweeps off with Noelle on her heels.

"I'm sure it's nothing they can't handle," she tells Jean once they're gone. "You were able to leave Kaeya and Lisa in charge while we were in the Golden Apple Archipelago, weren't you?"

"That's true," Jean admits. "We can finish these tarts, and if no one's come to get me before they're gone, it *should* be all right for us to carry on to Windrise. Lisa and Noelle will know where we're going, after all."

She still sounds doubtful, but she finally reaches again for her teacup. Barbara takes the excuse to add two more tarts to each of their plates.

There's only one left on Jean's plate when a streak of red comes racing by overhead, springing from roof to roof. Amber speeds herself along with quick dives with her wind glider; she's not *supposed* to be up there, but it isn't the first time Barbara has seen her go as the crow flies, even within the city, when she's in a hurry instead of winding her way up the streets and stairs. The fist clenches tight in her chest again as she looks from Amber passing by to Jean.

"Something's happened," Jean says, setting down her half-finished tart and pushing back her chair as she rises. "I'm sorry, Barbara. I know it's your birthday, but if this is truly an emergency...."

Barbara swallows hard, then summons all her idol's poise. "It's all right. I understand."

"I hoped you would." Jean glances down, and Barbara is torn between bitterness and pride to see her shoulders relax at Barbara's carefully-calculated smile. "If it turns out that I'm not needed here, I promise, I'll come back. We can still go to Windrise, or perhaps walk around the city if I need to stay close."

"Wait," Barbara says, a thought occurring to her as she watches her dream of a sisterly interlude vanish into the hazy 'if' where so many of Jean's promises fail. "I can come along and help! If it's an emergency, people may be hurt. And I can fight, too!"

Jean shakes her head. "No, Barbara. It's your birthday, and there's no need for you to work when you're supposed to be celebrating. If healing is necessary, I can take care of it."

Of course she can. Jean can do everything Barbara can, as well if not better. Barbara pushes down the bitterness. Desperation, though, is harder to dismiss, rising in her throat until it chokes her. She'd wanted, just for once, just for her birthday, to be Jean's first priority. If she can't have that--and she *understands* why she can't have that; she grew up in the same house, for a little while--then she'll settle for her company. Jean has to pay her at least a little attention if she's right there at her side.

"But I *want* to help."

"Commendable as that is, I don't need you there."

That hurts. Barbara doesn't think it was meant to, but Jean says it so sincerely, so *gently*, as if she's breaking unfortunate news instead of confirming something Barbara has always, deep down and secretly, known. She blinks hard against tears as Jean starts to turn away.

"What else can I do?" Barbara asks. The words tear themselves out of her despite her best attempt to choke them back. "What can I do to be *enough* for you?"

Jean freezes, her mouth open in startled dismay. It takes her a moment to catch herself, and in that moment Barbara feels her face go hot and has to turn away. She almost wants to apologize, to take it back and say she didn't mean it. But she can't summon up the poise that she would need to sell those words. Not when she'd thoroughly meant the question.

"Barbara," Jean says, low and wounded. "You *are* enough. You already do so much for Mondstadt."

"No, I'm not. If I was, you'd trust me to help you."

"It's not a matter of trust. I worry about how much you take on, Barbara. I don't want to add to that, especially on your birthday. I don't want to ruin it for you."

"It's already ruined." Barbara's face is burning, and tears well up against her will. "I wanted to spend it with you. Even if it has to be while you're working...."

"Barbara." Jean steps hesitantly closer. She looks pained and uncertain. "I'm sorry. I truly am. If this turns out to be nothing-"

"It won't. Even if it is something they can handle alone, you'll want to be involved, won't you? So you can be certain everything will come out all right. Because you're in charge of all Mondstadt, with Varka gone, and that's- that's more important-"

Barbara is doing her best to sound understanding, to project acceptance through her traitorous tears. It's not as if it isn't true. But her voice cracks, and she can hear the bitterness spill out into her words, poisoning her attempt at graciousness.

"Barbara! That's not...."

Jean doesn't finish. She can't, Barbara knows, not without lying. Because Mondstadt *is* more important than any one person, whether that's Jean herself, trading her health endlessly for the city's welfare, or Barbara, who will always be second place to a Gunnhildr's oath. But when Jean awkwardly opens her arms, instead, Barbara flings herself into them.

"I'm sorry," Jean whispers into her hair, rubbing her back. "I am sorry, Barbara."

"I know," Barbara says, and clings tighter, holding on just a little while longer. As long as Jean will allow. She'll have to go eventually, and even if she comes back, the day will be marred by the interruption. But it's Barbara's birthday. She can be a little selfish, just this once, and keep Jean's attention for a few minutes more.

#the ending is mostly angst so sorry if you were looking for h/c #i'd need like twice this many words to move into satisfactory 'comfort' territory and i'm already late for work 2.0 #but i hope some sisterly angst still satisfies!#asked and answered #why not meme i guess #sing me a song barbara #chained wind and lonesome song #ascended fic

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