#barbar + Barde i guess?

[official-german-translationen]

Karlach Kolumnach, die Rasende Reporterin

[designernishiki]

I will maybe make a bigger post at some point about other characters’ dnd classes but. thought about it. kiryu would be a battlemaster fighter multiclassed into oath of vengeance paladin. end of statement

[miodiodavinci]

omg i get so excited hearing about dnd!!!! how many campaigns have you been in if u mind answering?

i don't mind at all ! ! ! ! i enjoy talking about dnd ! ! ! ! our group got together in 2020 has run a total of (counts on fingers) 6 campaigns and 5 one shots, with our average campaign length being around 20 to 30 sessions. each person's taken a shot at DM'ing thus far, but the forever DM and i have both run about four of those each w

also, outside of one or two one shots, it's all been exclusively homebrew ! ! ! which is fun because we've all gotten to create our own regions and design overarching lore that connects each campaign to the other ! ! ! (surprisingly, hannus barbarous is usually the connecting factor. we did not plan this but that's just how it is now KJSFLKJH)

and because i love talking about dnd so much i'm taking this opportunity to dump a whole lot of summary of each campaign/one shot in chronological order under the cut w

ON A SCALE of ONE to TWENTY .. campaign

After being shut off from the world for over a hundred years, the region of Celosia finally opens its doors, sending out an open letter to all would-be adventurers asking for help. Our party just so happened to be the fools who decided to answer (and who got lucky enough to not get eaten by wolves on the way there), and have been tasked with taking down the shadowy Emerald Division that has seemingly come to power. They'll get to it as soon as they visit the dump (it's on the way).

Our DM's first homebrew campaign and the result of all of us being stuck inside and realizing we finally had time to play together w. This was the origin of both Hannus Barbarous as a running gag (along the lines of "this is JUST like Thomas and Jeremiah") and the name Scott as a throwaway bit, and also the origin of "The Coolest Emerald Division" title w

Characters

Roachcock the Tiefling Barbarian (played by me) .. bastard at heart, just wants to split heads, get coin, and buy a boat

Babey Möd the Halfling-Tabaxi Cleric (played by @anonprotagging) .. here to eat gravy and spread the good word of Lyra

The Storm the Water Genasi Barbarian .. he's super famous dude just trust me i heard he once fought like thirty turkeys

In'hala the Tiefling Paladin of Pan .. looking for her lost moms and also stealing this guy's boots hahaaa sick

Opus Whitfield the Human Wild Magic Sorcerer .. trying to use this opportunity to set up a new storefront for his family's gem cutting business, is actually using this opportunity to get bullied

note: i don't know if the other players use tumblr so for now they'll just be identified as "Xs player" from here on out w

GRANNY'S COUNTRY APPLE PIE .. one shot

An aging wizard wishes to taste the sweet delight of Granny's Country Apple Pie™ one last time (despite the bakery closing decades ago) and thus tasks our heroes with scoping out the place and seeing if they can find a recipe. Somewhere along the way, things got weird and it turns out Granny was just an immortal 65 year old who was taking a vacation in the outer planes with her wife but she's back now :)

Pre-built one shot that very quickly went off the rails, as to be expected for my very first go at being a DM after being a player for less than 4 months. The first appearance of Hannus as an actual character and not just a running bit.

Characters

Hannus Barbarous the Half-Orc playwright and Bard (played by @anonprotagging) .. he's taking a break from his prestigious play writing career to see the sights and reconnect with the little piece of him that was shattered when his troupe broke apart (but not too much of a break not to sign every autograph he can eyyy)

Sir the Eternal Flame (and sorcerer i guess) (played by Opus's player) .. still frustrated at being locked in human form, this giant immortal moth is off doing busy work until his curse wears off (which apparently includes bakery heists???)

Tehn the Sun Elf Ranger (played by the Celosia campaign DM) .. with their giant bumblebee Spoobin and frankly obscene lack of dietary standards at their side, there's no meal that they can't tackle

THE OSSIFIED GARDENS .. mini campaign

Taking shelter from the rain in an unearthly structure, the gang is snatched away from the physical realm and into a crab bucket-like hotel for the fae. With their most prized possessions taken from them as an entry fee, the gang has to endure arduous tasks to receive the stamps of each of the five Managers in order to receive audience with the minor god who runs the establishment. Whether or not she'll be willing to give their possessions back, however...

My first solo campaign as a DM!! Heavily inspired by Spirited Away and mostly an excuse to put old game dev content to use (including a literal circus of NPCs), but ended up serving as an important event in the Hannus Barbarous lore.

Characters

Hannus Barbarous the Half-Orc playwright and Bard (played by @anonprotagging) .. on the road with Tehn to visit a trinket faire in the next town over, about to experience beginning of a long and scalding beef with a petty minor god

Tehn the Sun Elf Ranger (played by the Celosia campaign DM) .. Hannus and Tehn are best friends now—they're having soft tacos later! :)

Piers the Minotaur Cleric (played by Opus's player) .. he's just along for the ride—maybe there will be cool books! :oooo

Tess the Halfling Rogue (played by In'hala's player) .. laying low until the folks in charge of her latest warrant lose track of her (and by laying low i mean just stealing at waist height instead of top shelves)

ROLL to PHOTOBOMB .. campaign

A seemingly normal winter festival goes astray when our heroes poor fools accidentally soul-bond to an extraplanar device meant to be a birthday present for the renowned sculptor hosting the ball (spoilers: it's a camera). They have four months to take it north to Cobalt City, get the re-calibration redone, and get it back in time for her wife to give it to her for their anniversary. The only problem is, the mountain pass is closed and the only other way there is a several hundred mile road trip by wagon...

Time to take some photos in front of some kitschy roadside attractions, I guess.

Opus's player's first time DM'ing for our group (though they'd DM'd before, and frankly—their experience shows). This campaign was home to some of our most beloved NPCs like Cassidy the subterranean super organism, Barry the extraplanar knife slime, and Sir the Eternal Flame Moth (he got that curse figured out finally!)

Characters

Fafnir of the Boreal North, the human knight Mimic Berserker (played by me) .. they just wanted to leave their dungeon to find a better, damper place to sit and eat and somehow accidentally took part in the funniest case of mistaken identity this side of Alcione

Ranger Rain Rainer the human Ranger (and literal park ranger, played by @anonprotagging) .. originally here to supervise the environmental impacts of the ball on the local landscape, now soul-bound to an extraplanar camera and havin' a good ol' time hangin' with the boys :) y'want some soy sauce with that? i bought a gallon back in brass junction

Kit the Elven Ranger (played by Tehn's player) .. legitimately so traumatized he wraps back around to being the most normal person in this group—just don't mention Celestine Grove

Babu the Hobgoblin Artificer (played by the Storm's player) .. having been separated from his parents and raised by Kobolds, Babu, his steel defender Babu, and his clockwork creation Little Babu are on a long journey to reunite with them in Grand Arbor .. please do not look at him he's sensitive

THE GREAT COCKATRICE RACE .. one shot

It's that time of year—the Great Cockatrice Race is upon us!! But just as our party is soaking in the sights and staking out the perfect spot to watch, they witness a young tiefling have his cockatrice's racing gear shredded by a local gang. Desperate to win so he can help pay to treat his father's worsening eyesight (they're cartographers by trade), he asks the party for help, and they quickly oblige.

Another one shot run by me, based loosely on a one-page campaign document. Not much to say about this one beyond the fact that everyone was ready to kill for Noodles the bantam cockatrice.

Characters

Actias Saturnid the Aasimar Paladin (played by @anonprotagging) .. on a quest to popularize his deity's chosen form of entertainment—tinker vision (TV for short)

Squish the Changeling Bard (played by Tehn's player) .. here to have fun and maybe also look for his friend that went missing have you seen her please tell me i miss her ;_____;

Kai the ??? Swashbuckling Rogue (played by Opus's player) .. it's a big festival, and that means plenty of eyes and plenty of cash! not a half bad time to try negotiating some new patrons for her artist friends

TROUBLE at PORT MANDRET .. one shot

What was originally supposed to be the 58th annual showcase of Umbergate University's horticultural collection is turned sour as an incensed former professor unleashes a powerful awakening spell on the entire town. With only a few hours before the plants release spores that will spread the spell to the entire world, our party has to act fast and cooperate with a local mycologist who seems to know just the fix to this predicament.

Another one shot from me, this time entirely homebrewed! This is also the origin of Scott as a character and not just a throwaway bit, and very much the source of his dynamic with Hannie. They found him tangled up in a bunch of kudzu in a coffee shop and he sent them on a long fetch quest to help him make a cup of coffee using stolen coffee beans.

Characters

Hannus Barbarous the Half-Orc playwright and bard (you know his player by now w) .. you know, he was just trying to lay low after the whole "committing arson" thing, but now he has a gay little mushroom twink to look after and that's (????)

Tehn the Sun Elf Ranger (played by you know who w).. also laying low after helping Hannus commit arson, but mostly here to eat a bunch of plants when no one's looking

Hank the Aarakocra Barbarian (played by Opus's player) .. he's a goose who only says "HANK" and i love that so much about him

Quinn the literal, unawakened, plain old animal tiger and Rogue (played by the Storm's player) .. the reason Hannus and Tehn committed arson after discovering she was being kept in squalid conditions by a wealthy family .. i cannot stress enough that she is a literal, un-enchanted tiger

THE ENIGMA of DAHL CREEK .. campaign

Their boat having sank in a storm, the party washes up on a seemingly once populous island now drowning under webs of unidentifiable blue-green vines and the eerily human-like shapes it creates. Working to unravel the mystery of how the entire town disappeared one August day, they find the past and present blurring together in a strange and haunting way.

The Celosia campaign DM's next big campaign, and frankly the one that haunts me most to this day. I cannot put into words how fucking good this campaign was. Legitimately gave me chills and occupies a region of my brain that cannot be vacated.

Characters

Hannus Barbarous (you know him) .. just trying to recover from the fae thing and the tiger incident and then the Port Mandret fiasco and really doesn't need this right now (but deal he will)

Biscott Cortinarius the human mycologist and Necromancer (played by me) .. putting a little distance between himself and the university due to the ""legal ramifications of interviewing university property without familial consent,"" but mostly sticking with Hannus because he's a bard and... well... bards aren't exactly beefy are they ;)

The Destitution of Mires the Lizardfolk Circle of Spores Druid (played by the Storm's Player) .. to this day i still don't know what their deal was, only that they sensed and so they came, and they left just as easily

Theo the ??? Circle of Dreams Druid (played by Opus's player) .. wanted to get out there and see the world, managed to sneak onto the one and Only boat that shipwrecked that day, now paying for it dearly

TIDECLEFT ISLES .. campaign

When the great Captain Wicke died, he arranged in his will that his treasure was to be given to the pirates of Tidecleft—so long as they could find it. Having arranged a massive, death-defying posthumous treasure hunt, several teams (including our heroes) must now compete to locate Wicke's treasure if they want to claim it all for themselves. What the late captain has in store for them, however, may call the worth of the treasure into question.

The Storm's player's first time DM'ing for our group, but not his first time DM'ing by far (read: he was Tehn's player's forever DM long before he came to our group). This was a grand old romp around a bunch of islands and sea caves that culminated in a frankly off-the-walls batshit final battle.

Characters

Acanthus of the Western Isles, the Mano (shark man) Scholar (played by me) .. a doctor and academic seeking to pay off a massive debt he incurred thanks to the Silver Lampreys and their web of loan sharks .. he doesn't care for jokes... or laughing, or puns, or metaphorical language or

Lemon the Warforged Circle of Stars Druid (played by @anonprotagging) .. realized she's accrued like twenty years in paid time off from working as a docent in an observatory, now taking her first vacation with her best friend Owen Gnome :) (he's a garden gnome she found outside and decided to keep in her pocket) (may or may not be venomous)

Bellamy the ??? ??? (played by Opus's player) .. ever grateful to the squid trawlers that took him in, he's competing in this hunt to earn enough to turn their venture into a franchise .. he is shockingly normal despite the whole "may not be from this plane" thing

Rayin the Tiefling Storm Sorcerer (played by Tehn's player) .. having received that sweet sweet "got hit by a magical explosion on campus" money and gotten magical powers out of it, Rayin is ditching academia to do COOL things like throw lightning bolts and meow at people

these character descriptors are getting long sorry

MIETTE SIMULATOR .. one shot

Somehow, our band of unfortunate souls has wandered into a town caught in a frenzy, raving for the execution of a seemingly normal tiefling man for an unspeakable crime (literally, no one will say what it was). The gang decides to get to the bottom of this, only to discover the very laws of reality are essentially optional in this neck of the woods.

Hannus's player's first time DM'ing as a dry run for his future one shot, and it was a hoot. Also the first time we got to meet Ranger Rainer's brother, Shine Rainer (who is the polar opposite of his brother thanks to all the trauma that comes with being a record keeper).

Characters

Lark the Aasimar Gunslinger (played by me) .. just trying to do as many good deeds as possible to get her dad off her back so she can get a girlfriend without him scaring her off with his whole "incomprehensible being of holy light" thing

Clare the human ??? (played by Tehn's player) .. i don't remember why she was there she just was and she was probably the most okay with everything that was going on

Hank the Aarakocra Barbarian (played by Opus's player) .. he's playing it cool after the Port Mandret thing, except this is not cool this is chaos

MOON TOWN .. one shot

It's Actias! And he needs help! For some reason, they've been disconnected from their god, and they can't figure out why! When our heroes decide to help, they end up getting snatched away to an otherworldly version of the long abandoned Sun Town and need to solve the mystery of a long cold case in order to find their way back home.

Hannus's player's main group DM'ing debut. Full of fun puzzles and good laughs (I'll never forget Actias asking us for help with a puzzle and showing us one of those shapes and holes boxes you give to kids) with plenty of throwbacks to old running gags. Felt like a nice homage to what DnD had been for us thus far.

Characters

Calamund Galbraith the Reborn Echo Fighter (played by me) .. a completely average guy who just so happened to get roped into getting "engaged" to a wraith that now endlessly pursues him .. he just really wants to go home and eat soup with his birds

Squish the Changeling Bard (played by Tehn's player) .. really worried for his good friend Actias :(

Tiel Alleywollow the Halfling Warlock (played by the Storm's player) .. a girl of few words (literally, she only speaks when casting spells) and eternally fond of her fiendish patron, an asshole imp named Dition

In'hala the Tiefling Paladin of Pan (played by the same guy as before w) .. hit her head on a ship and somehow ended up far, far south of Celosia. who knows what happened? certainly not in'hala, but EYYY SHE STILL HAS THE SICK BOOTS YEAAA

Teller Artax the Warforged Gunslinger (played by Opus's player) .. originally out to hunt down his lost creator, but got sidetracked, and then got sidetracked from that sidetrack, and then got sidetracked from that sidetrack's sidetrack, and then

THE CURIOUS CASE of ACTON RIDGE .. campaign

50 years before the events of Dahl Creek, a similar event is taking place—after a shoot out in the canyon, the town of Acton Ridge is also carpeted in strange, blue-green vines and locked in time. Our heroes must unravel the mystery of their pasts and the two intertwined fates of a pair of brilliant inventors who were seemingly on the hunt for something not of this world. Ongoing!

The Celosia DM's latest campaign and prequel to Dahl Creek. A little different vibes from the last one considering most of us apparently lived here before things went to shit, and many of us have tie-ins with the events taking place. Cool, eerie mystery fun ! ! !

Characters

Outis the Warforged Paladin (played by me) .. an archaic tour guide emissary from the Feywilds who's trapped on an endless journey towards an unseen destination .. it's sassy as hell and just the right amount of british to be infuriating

Emeril the Sea Elf chef and Fighter (played by @anonprotagging) .. retired from being a soldier and running from his past to owning a small tavern (and running from his past) .. very blunt (like his cast iron frying pan)

Spinifer the ??? Bard and travel-book writer (played by Opus's player) .. looking for the scoop on the local scene in hopes of bringing more folks over from her homeland .. common isn't her first language and she delights in learning cool new words, like "paranormal" and "clusterfuck"

Phira the Deep Gnome Monster Hunter (played by the Storm's player) .. haunted by her past and now interested in that which is haunted, this little conspiracy theorist is going to get to the bottom of this mystery if it's the last thing she does (but not actually—she'd like to live you know)

[amellia-j]

Oops, had a dnd moment that had me giggling and blushing and kicking my heels

My character is a bard who has a history of crushing on characters who help her out in battle and are at least semi-cool (but she's hopelessly awkward and doesn't act on these crushes)

We have a barbarian who's fairly new to the party. He is a human who was raised in the fae wild and is a big weirdo, so my char has little interest in him other than "wtf do you MEAN you were raised by the king of the fae court??? And you're acting like it's nbd???"

Anyway when he rages he gets possessed or something by some other entity, just more weird fae shit I guess, you know? But the other entity is kinda an asshole which makes him already a little suave and cool. (It really doesn't help that my IRL bf is our DM and takes over the dialogue during possessions)

so the barbar gets this new ability that can grant a spell slot back to a char during battle. My bard is our healer and this battle is LONG and her slots are getting used up.

While in a rage, and so possessed by a suave entity with my actual bf voicing him, the barbar is rushing by to hit someone but pauses in front of my bard, grabs her chin, and says something like "keep up the good work, won't you?" while granting her a spell slot back

Honestly I don't even remember exactly what he said even though I'm the note taker and usually pay very close attention because my brain kinda short circuited and UH guys I think my bard's in trouble

anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk have a picture about it

[apprenticebard]

someone: this historical atrocity was so barbaric and uncivilized

me, internally: doesn’t this statement imply that being ‘civilized’, ie participating in ‘civilization’, should be equated with freedom and positive morals? that seems kind of unfair to hunter-gatherer societies, which are often remarkably egalitarian and which have not developed many of the forms of oppression that are observed in the more complex societies that we call ‘civilizations’. like, if cultures develop slavery and oppression by a central governmental state as a way of propping up civilization itself, and we call them ‘uncivilized’ as a result, aren’t we buying into the very assumption that pushed them in that direction--the assumption that technological progress and societal complexity are absolute goods, to the point that we’re using a term meaning ‘not belonging to a complex urbanized, socially stratified society’ as a synonym for ‘evil’?

me: yeah, that one was pretty bad

[avengershumanresources]

blood 6 - Strange/Stark!Reader

Relationship: Dr. Strange/Princess!Stark!Reader

Rating: M

Warnings: Adult Themes, eventual smut, adult language, implied sexual violence, general violence

Synopsis: Reader is the daughter of the legendary King Anthony Stark, Uniter of Lands, The Iron Defender, and leader of the realm. When the king disappears during battle, hope is lost and he is presumed dead.

When the late king’s uncle, Obadiah, takes the throne until your brother Peter is of age, he quickly arranges a marriage for you with a wicked king in a neighboring kingdom.

With the realms politics in question, and rumors of an upcoming siege to overthrow Peter’s rule before it starts, you quickly learn who is loyal to the crown and who is not.

part 5 - part 7 

Masterlist

Chapter Playlist 

6 - a promise

Violet was uncharacteristically tight lipped as she dressed you the next morning. Part of you worried that the nosy maid had seen you on the balcony the night before, but you quickly remembered she’d gone to bed early after drinking too much. 

She kept sending pitying glances in your direction, and you couldn’t for the life of you figure out why. Smoothing out your skirts, she grabbed the knife you’d hidden under your pillow and tied it securely at your side. 

“For good luck?” she joked, though that pitying look crossed her feature as soon as the words left her mouth. 

You’d been struck dumb, expression bewildered as to how she knew about the dagger. 

“James,” she replied simply, patting the weapon for safe keeping. 

The implication was both comforting and terrifying. 

How much influence did her two friends truly possess within the castle walls? 

Accompanying you to breakfast, Violet stopped you outside of the dining hall, hand tightening around your forearm. 

“Please keep your head,” she whispered, glancing nervously around them. “No matter what you find on the other side of this door.”

It was an ominous warning, but you kept it in mind while she pushed open the door,’leading you inside. 

For a moment, you were certain your heart had stopped working from pure horror alone. 

King Brock Rumlow sat by your uncles side, laughing as a plate of meat and eggs was placed in front of him. 

“My dear, it’s so wonderful you could join us,” Obadiah stood and motioned for you to sit across from Brock at the table. “Did you sleep well? I imagine you might have stayed up bubbling with excitement.”

“Uncle,” you greeted tensely, feeling Violet’s form freeze at the casual exchange. Keep your mind. You needed to stay calm. 

Calm, even though your father’s murderer was smirking at you, only meters out of your grasp. 

“Princess, I’m sure you’re familiar with King Brock Rumlow,” he motioned to the king who stood and bowed his head. 

“Your highness,” he reached for your hand and pressed a kiss to your knuckles, lingering a moment too long for your comfort. “I’m sure this has been such a confusing and terrible time.”

You bit your tongue, swallowing down any backlash that stirred. 

“Rest assured, King Brock has a very reasonable explanation for everything,” Obadiah invited the group to eat. You took your seat, trying to ignore the way Rumlow’s eyes devoured you.  Like a lamb to slaughter, he looked positively ravenously at you. 

“Your highness, it’s been a terrible misunderstanding,” he explained with a long sigh. “The Asgardians had been ordered to attack the border villages and I sent my men to help. There was skirmish and your father was murdered by that brutish Thor Odinson. They threw his body into the river before retreating. There was nothing we could do.”

Liar. 

“You see? He was trying to defend the king,” Obadiah tilted his water goblet in your direction. “And to think, those barbaric Asgardians had the audacity to stand and mourn with you.”

Liar. 

“I’m...” you never had been a very convincing actress (Peter had always told you so), but the performance you put on that morning would have rivaled the great Bard himself. “That is certainly distressing news.”

Obadiah eyed you, the reaction catching him by surprise. 

“Brock has come to formally apologize for the confusion,” Obadiah started, watching you carefully for the slightest slip up. “He’s asked me for your hand as a means of reconciliation between the kingdoms.”

Your stomach dropped out, your lungs stopped moving, and you were certain both bellmen could hear your heart hammering anxiously against your chest. 

Marriage... to that monster. The man you knew slayed your father. The man whose rumors of his late wife followed behind whispers of death and deceit. 

Obadiah wanted to marry you off to him, for something. He had to have gotten something. 

Your father out of the way, your brain supplied helpfully. 

“With King Brock’s help, and the Kree army to the north, we will finally be able to stop those damned Wakandans and Asgardians from breaching our trade routes.”

Fingers tensing around your dining knife, you forced a smile on your face. 

“Really?” you asked, throwing as much enthusiasm as you could stomach in the question. “Me? Married to a king?” 

Obadiah paused, furrowing his brows, but Brock seemed unfazed. 

“You’ll be my queen and we will rule this entire region,” he reached across the table and took your hands. “We can make the arrangements post haste.”

“Why not a fortnight from today?” Obadiah suggested, a cruel smile spreading over his face. “I’ll start the servants on things today.”

“If you insist,” Brock laughed, an empty sound that stabbed deep into you. “What say you, my dear?”

You turned to your uncle, a cold mask over your true thoughts. 

“Must we wait a fortnight?” you asked, your lip jutting out in a pout. “Surely a more intimate ceremony can be put together in the next week?” 

You could tell Obadiah was trying to guess your plan, the king trying to call your bluff but agreeing wholeheartedly. 

“Such eager lovebirds,” he bellowed with another laugh. “Bring the wine, we have much to celebrate today.”

You managed to get through the breakfast, face hurting from all the forced and held smiles that fought against your cringing. 

After the meal ended, you excused yourself to lay down for a a while, the excitement having tired you out.

Instead of your chambers, however, you hurried to the observatory, praying to the gods that Stephen was inside. 

You found him curled on one of the cots, red cloak strewn over his shoulders, deep asleep. That peace was broken once you tried to quietly shut the door. His eyes flickered open and he took you in with a sleepy smile. 

“Your highness,” he greeted, sitting up while you moved to sit across from him. Sensing your sour mood, he reached tenderly for your hands. “He told you.” 

“You knew?” you asked, broken that he would keep such pertinent information from you. 

“I found out early this morning,” he admitted. “I spent the evening trying to think of a way to make it right, but have kept coming short.”

“I don’t believe that,” you smirked toward a book open to a page detailing the effects of belladonna. 

“I realized murder would be frowned upon,” he murmured. “And I think the court would be suspicious if the king and his allies turned up dead all at once.”

“They’re blaming Asgard for my father’s death,” you explained. “They intend to invade after the wedding.”

“How long do we have?” he asked, eyes scanning your face for a hint of good news. 

“I uh, I may have made a mistake in that regard,” you replied, expression contorting in guilt. “Initially it was a fortnight, but Obadiah didn’t seem to believe that I would comply. So I suggested seven days.”

“Why would you need to be compliant?” he asked. 

“I don’t know, Violet told me to keep my temper under control, so it seemed like the smart thing to do,” you threw your head back in exasperation.

“You aren’t wrong,” he replied, quickly explaining the dilemma Peter had outlined the night before. “But a week means our timetables must move up.”

He grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill, quickly scribbling a message and holding it in his palm. It disappeared in a poof of smoke. 

“What was that?” you pressed, following him with your gaze when he stood up and paced the room. 

“You’ll find out soon enough,” he assured her. “Just trust me. There are many forces at work. Don’t make any more moves without first telling me. Promise me.”

You tilted your head, reading his exhausted expression and nodding your head slowly. 

How could you not trust him? 

He smiled, a sight that sent your heart rushing, in a good way. Moving toward him, you cupped his cheek and stood on your toes to give him a soft kiss. 

“Careful princess,” he growled as the kiss became more heated and he stumbled back into one of the chaise’s, your body pressed flush against him. “Don’t start what you don’t intend to finish.”

The warmth inside of you screamed to finish the job, but his warning hit a more rational part of your brain and you pulled away in disappointment. 

“Soon,” you promised in a terse whisper, wishing you could ducal your head into a cool pond. 

“I have every intention of keeping you to that,” he replied, shifting slightly and adjusting the front of his robes with a sigh. His face flushed, pupils dilated. 

Gods you could have had him then and there.

Another folded piece of parchment appeared on the table and you quickly snatched it up, reading over the familiar handwriting before Stephen could jump up from the chaise. 

“You’re working with Loki?” you asked, holding up the paper. “You do know it’d be suicide for him to show his face in this kingdom.”

“The guard is on our side,” he explained briskly, grabbing the letter and reading it over. “We need to delay this as much as possible. If he challenges Brock to a duel, the law dictates the match must be honored.”

“Were you not the one worried about Brock’s sudden influx in power?” you asked incredulously.  “He’s up to something sinister. Loki will get himself killed!”

“I said trust me,” he countered sharply. “Please, princess. I’m doing this all for you and we need a little more time. Besides, it will get Loki into the castle undetected by Amora.”

You’d almost forgotten about the enchantress. Brock spoke highly of her during breakfast and you’d had the pleasure of meeting the blonde haired woman at the end of the meal. Even from a distance, you could sense there was something wicked about her. 

“You will be careful?” you asked, knowing that even if the reassurance was empty, it was something. 

“We will do our best,” he promised quietly, both of you knowing full well he was lying.

(—)

Natalia hated wandering to this side of the forest. She knew she could reasonably fight off any ne’er do wells or rogues, but she also knew that the mystics and magic users liked to use the thick foliage coverings as a means of hiding from the public. 

Not everyone could serve in a castle and villagers were fickle, superstitious folk. 

Still, it was where Michelle had told her to meet with Wanda, the sorceress having passed the message long in hopes of the pair crossing paths. 

“My cottage is just around the meadow,” Wanda chimed up, breaking Amat’s train of thought with an amused smile. “You’re early.”

“I wanted to make sure the area was secure,” Nat replied, her fingers dropping from the dagger she’d been about to pull. “Quite a way of passing along a message.”

“I needed to ensure its discretion, I apologize for the roundabout means,” she answered sincerely, moving toward a small cottage and opening the door for her guest. “We have much to discuss.”

“Couldn’t you have passed it along the princess or Strange?” 

“It’s not yet the time for them to know,” she hummed, snapping her fingers and igniting the fire under a tea kettle. That had caught the assassin’s interest and she waited until Wanda continued. “You’re aware no body of the king was found?” 

“They buried an empty box,” Natalia nodded, glancing at the teacup places in front of her. “The leading rumor is he was thrown in the river and the Kree are holding onto the remains.”

Wanda pulled a few herbs from her pantry, pulling the kettle from the fire with a wave of her hand and floating it over the red heads cup. The hot water fell from the air, passing through the herbs, and landing into the cup as a freshly brewed tea. 

“There are many whispers about the fate of the great Iron Defender,” she agreed softly, taking a sip from her own cup with a satisfied smile. “But, what I want to tell you is the truth of the matter.”

“Which is?” 

“I’m amazing at dramatic entrances,” a voice cracked, opening the front door of Wanda’s cottages and grinning at Natalia. “Natalia, it’s been quite some time since you were stealing rolls from the kitchen.”

King Anthony Stark himself stood before her, perfectly healthy and strong. 

“How?” she blurted out with a wide eyed look between the pair. “Clint saw you pierced through the chest with an arrow.”

“Did he?” Wanda asked, a twinkle of crimson flickering through her eyes. “The men saw what the king wanted them to see.”

“I needed to ensure my enemies thought I was dead,” he explained, settling at the table across from her. “I knew Brock was planning something across the border and once Odin warned me that Amora had taken the place of Mordo, I needed to act to protect the kingdom and my family.”

“You need to remove Obadiah from the throne, he intends to-,” Nat started but Tony nodded slowly at her words. 

“I’m well aware,” he stated. “I knew he’d been corresponding with Brock for some time and that there would be a plot against me. I needed to make sure my enemies were all exposed in a fell swoop, but Wanda mentioned the engagement and I was forced to move my plans forward.”

“Plans?” 

“I had hoped to move when Obadiah refused to give up the throne on Peter’s birthday,” he explained. “But, given what Brock intends to offer for my daughter’s hand, we can’t wait any longer.”

“What do you mean?” Natalia furrowed her brows. “You don’t mean to move on him now, do you? That’d be madness, not without our allies.”

“Who said I didn’t have allies?” he grinned back at her. “Black Widow, you’re not the only one with a large web. I’ve secured Wakandan and Asgardian support, as well as the support of the southern Kree empire. Steve has been working under my orders to determine the loyalty of the guard. Everything is ready to be put in motion, so long as Brock doesn’t mobilize his troops before the wedding.”

“Did you expect this?” she asked, dumbfounded by all of the information. 

“I had expected to deal with them separately, but this makes it convenient,” he shrugged. “But I need you to ensure the safety of the princess and my family.”

“It’s being taken care of,” Natalia replied. “Strange and the others have come up with a plan to get them all to safety. The queen and Morgan will be moved to Kamar-Taj and the princess will be taken to Stephen’s family home.”

“Has he come to his senses, yet?” he asked with a snort. 

“Very recently,” Natalia chuckled. “So he has even more to lose with a successful marriage. I’ve never seen him quite this motivated.”

“And what of Peter?” 

“He wants to fight,” she explained. “The others are encouraging him to wait, but already some men have sworn allegiance to him. Some of the major houses are beginning to start preparations for civil war.”

Tony considered her words, fingers twirling around the edges of his beard as she spoke. 

“This is good then,” he decided. “With Peter rallying the families against Obadiah, he has less claim to the throne.”

“Unless Obadiah catches wind and has him executed on the spot,” Wanda supplied dryly. “We must continue to work discreetly.”

“We need someone inside of the walls to help coordinate from within,” Tony explained.

“Why can’t Wanda do it?” Nat asked and Wanda let out a frustrated sigh.

“Obadiah is keeping out all magic keepers except Stephen and Amora, since he is the Master Sorcerer of the castle and she’s a royal guest,” she shook her head. “It’s an effort to prevent any threats against the royal family.”

“The irony was not lost on us,” Tony added with a small smirk. “I can pay you handsomely- after I reclaim my throne.”

“Wouldn’t that be humiliating?” Natalia teased. “All this work and you lose the throne in the end?”

“That ultimately depends on what you say,” he urged and she bowed her head, offering a hand to shake. 

“I want a large parcel of land,” she insisted. “And a title.”

“What about James?”

“I suppose he’ll need a title too,” she paused. “Perhaps another parcel for him as well?”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

(---)

“It’s quiet,” you whispered, back against cool grass, fingers intertwined with Stephen’s as the two of you gazed up at the night sky.

“Mandatory curfews,” he murmured. “We’d do well not to attract the guard.”

“Then we’ll just have to be quiet, won’t we?” you rolled toward him, propping yourself up on her elbow and looking down at him with a sly grin. 

“We must be absolutely silent,” he agreed, leaning up and cupping your face. Slowly he pulled you closer until you were practically onto of him. Pulling you even closer, you tumbled a ways down the small hill before stopping with a soft thud on the ground below.

Exchanging bewildered looks, you both burst out laughing. You reached forward to pluck a few leaves out of his hair when he caught you by the wrist and kissed you passionately. A moan escaped you when he nibbled on a more sensitive part of your neck, the chill sending shivers everywhere.

“Don’t do that,” he warned, the nibbles becoming small bits, his kiss becoming more desperate and hungry. “I can’t promise to control myself.”

“Then don’t,” you managed through a whimper when he slipped his hands under your corset. He teased, fingers lightly maneuvering over the sensitive skin. You were about to rip the damned thing off yourself when he stopped.

“Are you trying to be cruel?” you asked, face drained of blood and clothes disheveled.  

“Something’s coming-,” he scrambled to his feet, drawing up a portal and sealing it shut just before a blast of fire struck. “Someone knew we were there.”

“Impossible,” you shook your head. “You’ve disguised your magic, and the wards around the room are some best rune work I’ve seen in ages.”

He paused, catching snippets of what you were saying. 

They hadn’t tracked his signature- they’d tracked yours.

He grabbed your wrist and wrapped his palm around it, muttering a spell and pulling away. 

The rune Loki had cast over you had almost faded away. 

“What is-?” you started but he was scrambling across the room looking for something to prick the end of his finger to get a little blood. 

Spying a needle on your armoire, he grabbing the tiny object and prodded his fingertip, a small bead of blood appearing. 

Approaching, he frowned in thought. He needed to be careful. Too powerful and the seidr wouldn’t be able to protect you. Too weak and the seidr would eat through too quickly and its uncontrolled power in your untrained body could wreak devastation the kingdom over. 

“Why are you renewing a seal?” you asked, recognizing the symbol on your wrist with pointed interest.

Why were you such a dedicated student? You’d read almost all the texts he had read in his life, often asking thoughtful questions about the material he hadn’t thought of. 

This was a basic power sealing rune that had been added on and changed slightly in terms of the magic involved.

“What are you trying to seal, Stephen?” you repeated tersely, eyes narrowed at him.

(---)

7- a king 

TAG LIST (message to be added!):

@ayamenimthiriel​ @ladynothing 

@im-a-bi-disaster-help @idkwhatthisislol

[ask-vaal-hazak]

I just left a homebrew dnd campaign I've a message for new DM's

If your running a campaign for 2 ppl and there level 3 do not throw cr 6 and 9 monsters at them. For the love of the divine do not.

Extremely fustrating and deadly. And dont use the monsters from a homebrew forum bc it just sounds cool. Bc that "cool" cr 6 hag going against a lv3 party with multiple attack. Multiple spell cast and spell immunity and able to polymorph into any creature it wants at will is devastating.

Just to rant here. I lost 3 characters in 1 hour. My lv 3 barbarian (minotaur zelot). My battlemaster (centaur) and my wizard (yuan ti)

To be a dm ya have to balance and make sure every fight isnt designs to just upright kill ppl at the start bc. 5d12 worth of dmg with multiple attack on a hag or any creature. Is friggin broken.

There no way in hell a monster for a party of 2, level 3 adventures should hit for 5d12 (3 times) and be able to cast 2 spells (at will without using a spell slot) EVERY ROUND. And on top of that have a movement speed of 90 and an ac of 23. (I asked the dm to let me see what he was using and thers more. Swim of 30, fly of 300 ect this is pretty much a god with its stats but the cr says 6. It dosent even feel like a 6. More like a lv 20 broken sack of crap)

This is the reason there are tutorial guides in the book(s) and youtube to show you why you should look at cr then your players levels b4 u design an encounter.

I cant describe how fustrating it was to see my barbarian. Who I spent 5hours making just get tapped lightly and die. Bc 48 hp at lv 3 and taking well over 10 pts of dmg bc apparently she crit me on all attacks and only did like 1 attack to our female player (for 2 dmg with a level 6 scorching ray [its bs] ) was "Fair bc your a barbarian and should be able to tank this EASILY" (quote the dm.)

If there is a way to piss off players it's this and having a game were you get railroaded so hard it's a traveling trip with skill checks with a minimum of 18-20 to notice something like a bear on the road when the weather is CLEAR and everyone is PAYING THE HELL ATTENTION ON A BANDIT HIGHWAY. Not to mention the SCREAMS OF A CYCLOPS AS IT LITERALLY SMASHES INTO THE CARAVAN ACROSS A PLANE WITH A FEW TREES ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

Oh and let me not forget the NPCS WHO WANT TO SLEEP WITH EVERYONE BC THEY THINK THERE HOT AND DESERVE A NICE HOT MEAT ROD FOR THEIR SERVICES OF INTRODUCING THEMSELVES.

*Facepalm* my god....oh and if your thinking

"GEE-WILLY Mr. Person surely it couldnt be that bad?" This guys campaign was pretty much parappa the rapper, jojo bizarre adventures, bloodborne, Resident evil and memes.

I had a character who came in and apparently they caused the world to have wormholes? (Somehow) and referenced it everytime we played even when that character died. In session one. Bc apparently a company named (I kid you not) Shoe Rack was the equivalent of resident evil's umbrella cooperation. Complete with a drow leader and a litch bookkeeper who turned everyone into zombies to work for free while they apparently made diamonds to sell for millions of gold and keep the workers working g for 1 copper every month. Only giving gold to ppl that would sleep with them.

Not to mention apparently everyone in this world had magic resist or spell immunity to everyone except to females. And when I made a female char apparently that rule became I valid and it was just a straightforward

Me: does a 17 hit?

Dm: well it would but .... *they grin*

Me: but?

Dm: they use a special ring to catch the spell and cast meteor swarm on you point blank.

Me: well they get hit too I just stabbed them with a dagger.

Dm: no you see it's a SMALL METEOR THAT ONLY HITS THE PERSON THAT HIT THEM

Me: so they and my teammate. Who has literally been stabbing them are fine?"

Dm: yes

Me (takes like 589 pts of dmg and is ded)

Dm: the litch turns to you and asks if you want a cup of coffee.

Female player: umm sure?

Dm: whoo-yeah. Combat over you get 500 go and a date with the litch.

Me: I'm sorry what?

Female player: umm...ok. awsome.

Me: ......ok cool so I'll just bring in-

Dm: no that's cool the litch revives yorubas a female zombie slave.

Me: why?

Dm: and you need to have sex to keep yourself alive.

Me: yeah no. I'll just bring in my centaur battle master

1 hour later

Dm: you take umm..let's see *rolls dice.*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: *rolls a shit ton more dice*

Me: (waiting)

Dm: oh oh no *grins*

Me: (takes 40 dmg) I'm still up

Dm: how?

Me: I have 48 hp....I'm still up

Dm: ok it's your attack I guess.

Me: rolls a nat 1 "ok I guess I have disadvantage on my next att-"

Dm: rolls a d100 and a d10 (the percentile)

Me: what are you doing?

Dm: rolling for severity of your fail. Btw how much dmg does your lance do?

Me: it does 1d12 dmg and why are you using severity. That's not in 5e and you said we-

Dm: as you fail you accidentally stab yourself in the throat as your spear hits a rock and you take *rolls dice* 35 pts of dmg

Me: ok I'm out that's bs. Number one and two I have a lance and thers no way I can do 35 dmg. I get about 24 dmg on a crit and 28 if I use my racial feature to kick a person at max with a crit.

Dm: oh your just being salty, you dont play fair!

Me: excuse me?

Dm: ALL YOU DO IS PLAY SPELL CASTWRS AND THATS CHEATING!

Me: bc everyone has spell immunity for some reason or only takes 1/4 the dmg. I'm pretty much useless and am being fored to play melee unlike our LOREMASTER BARD who got an item to DOUBLE HER DMG AND SPELL SLOTS AND CRIT ON A 15 PERMANENTLY (this is the female btw)

Dm: well maybe you should have slept with the litch

Me: she literally found that item in a store for like 3 silver and when I looked (with a 17 arcana check) I found a rusty dagger and a flask of poisoned potion.

Dm: well maybe roll higher?

Female player: umm I rolled like a 10 and found this that's kind of cool but I dont think it's fair. But o wanna keep my items

Dm: ugh fine. You keep yours. Ummm (to me) I guess you get a potion of greater healing for....umm 500 go.

Me:.......nah I'm good, FUCK IT. I'll just make another spell caster Oops. Cant do that. How about a nope. Cant make a barbar I'm going to make a artificer

Dm: cant do that

Me: why?

Dm: they're broken its not good.

Me: *with the book* not broken..ulyou know what why dont you make me a character and I'll use that.

Dm: hands me a sheet

Me: reads "Zonia the sexy zombie elf sex slave that gets stronger every time she has sex?" *Looks at everyone* ok I'm out enjoy the campaign.

Dm: we cant have a dnd adventure with only 1 person.

Me: yes you can you've been doing it since session 1. I'm out goodbye. I'm still running my campaign on sunday. I wont hole anything against you. But I will not sit here and be shit on bc I refuse to kiss yur ass and make a slut of a character. Pull your head from your ass. I'm taking my stuff and I'm out.

Dm: but I need the dm screen and the mat and the markers.

Me: then buy your own or use theater of mind. I'm out.

Like how bad is it to want to be a dm to shit on ppl. THIS, THIS IS NOT OK. and no one wants a zombie sex slave that can only have sex and has a str of 0 a con of 30 a dex of 1 a cha of 40 and so on. Its friggin stupid!

Anyway that's my rant. Im....I think I'm just done with dms and crap I just want to play a dnd game I can be happy with. And not always be the Forever dm. Who has players challenge everything. Like why as a monk they cant use sleight of hand to CATCH A FRIGGIN FIREBALL AND/OR AN ARROW AIMED AT ANOTHER PERSON.

Anyway leave a comment or add on I'm just burnt out and glad I could get this rant off my chest

[crazyinthebestway]

Unlikely - Part 3

Ikemen Sengoku Meets Medieval Fantasy

The following story is a bit of fanfiction, involving the characters of Cybird’s Ikemen Sengoku: Romances Across Time.

Catch up with Part 1 Here | Part 2 Here

Part 3 continues with the adventures of:

Erathelyn Aeratanas (my half-elf OC) ~ The Clever Dual-Dagger Rogue

Mitsunari Ishida “Nari” ~ The Cheerful Bard

Ieyasu Tokugawa “Yasu” ~ The Snarky Archer & Medicine Man

Mitsuhide Akechi “Hide” ~ The Mysterious Shapeshifter

Masamune Date “Masa” ~ The Secretive (and cocky) Knight

I could not believe what I heard or just saw. The man, the human who stood over me with a cocky smirk and a sword of the Royal Guard, was leaping out a nearby window in an attempt to run from a bar tab.

I glanced at Nari. He stared at the window with wide eyes and barely registered my confounded expression.

“Well, that’s one way to make an exit.” A chuckle reverberated from Hide’s throat and he slowly stood from his chair. He sighed, fastening his cloak around himself and shot me a grin.

“Despicable. How barbaric can you humans get?”

I whirled on Yasu. He was always such…an elf. One of the many reasons we didn’t remain engaged. One of the least important, but still a reason nonetheless.

//Okay…so do we follow?…

As I turned to ask Nari the very question I had thought, I realized he’d moved in the short amount of time I’d spent glaring at Yasu. He was now at the bar paying for Masa’s tab.

//That’s unexpected. I wonder how well he knows this Masa character?…

“They’ve met once, but Nari never was one for leaving people in the lurch.”

I jumped, “What the hell? What do you read minds?”

All the response I got from the complete enigma that was Hide, was another chuckle and a pat on my head. Oh how I wanted to swat that bony hand away. Instead, I glared once more at a stone-faced Yasu and then followed the other two men out the door.

°°°°°

“He’s undoubtedly long gone by now. Should have known better than to trust a man like him.” Yasu spoke gruffly as he secured his belongings to his glistening white horse.

“A man like him?” I shifted on my feet. The floor of the stable house creaked beneath my weight. My pack shifted on my shoulder and I inhaled deeply when I readjusted it. Sleep had begun to catch up to me and I was beginning to feel it deep within my bones. It’d been a long journey and I feared I’d have an even longer one ahead of us, what with the barkeep urging us to find shelter elsewhere.

Yasu stopped tying his saddle and looked at me blankly, “A disloyal man. A man who vowed his allegiance only to—”

“And just what brought you out of the forest and away from your clan? Are elves not supposed to remain within their positions?”

I jumped. Hide’s voice echoed through the room as he sauntered into the lantern light with a menacing black horse of his own. The beast towered over the other horses and piercing yellow eyes matched those of his owner’s.

//I have got to sleep. This is ridiculous. My senses are dulled.

Yasu huffed and turned his green glare back to his horse.

//I guess not gonna answer that one, huh?

I found myself smirking at the scene. Yasu flustered was a wondrous sight.

“Do you have a horse, Era? I don’t see another in the stables.” Hide turned his question to me with that same sly grin.

I shook my head, “No. I traveled on foot.”

A silver brow arched and his hand snaked up to stroke the silky mane of his stallion, “Ah, nimble as you are beautiful? Your lithe form belies your stamina, Era. How interesting.”

I rolled my eyes, turning away from the creepy man and taking a step closer to Yasu. Not that he was any better.

//Where is Nari?

“Our friendly bard is just outside. It would appear that he forgot to stable his horse and had found the thing wandering outside. Shall we?”

I arched my own brow at him.

//You have got to stop that. It’s creepy.

Hide chuckled as he led his horse out the doors.

°°°°°

“Era! Unfortunately I was unable to secure a horse for you, and there seems to be no other lodging in Dern. We will have to travel to the next village.” Nari beamed down at me from atop his horse.

I sighed. No horse for me means—

“No matter. The woman may ride with me.” Hide reached a hand from atop his own black beast.

“I’ll walk.” I shifted my pack, made sure my cloak was secure, and started my trek south.

I could hear murmured concerns about the missing ex-soldier coming from a worried Nari, scoffing hisses coming from a perpetually perturbed Yasu, and a slight humming from the mind reader.

My feet ached, my body was screaming for me to stop, and I could feel the overwhelming sense of exhaustion creeping up my spine and about ready to knock me on my ass. The black beast was beginning to look very inviting right about now.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Part 4 is Now Up!

[youaresimplycomplex]

Lady of the Orc [part 1]

“It is your duty to me and country”

“But why him!?”

“Because I have said so. Now I won't hear another word about it.”

“But Farther -”

“Not another word”

At that he turned and left Ashlynn alone in her room. He slammed the door so hard it blew out the candle. Now only the moon shined any light onto her life. She went to the window to stare at the sky. The pale almost full circle hung in the sky. It's haunting beauty only made her mood worsen. The injustice, the terrible fate now laid out before her.

Ashlynn's father, an ever shrew and clever man, has decided that the latest treaty should be signed with her marriage. Now her opinions being a middle daughter of a minor Duke have never been grand. She had an two brothers, one barley a year her elder but still he would have her father's title. Then her other brother, the youngest, has already been on several military campaigns and proven himself capable. Ashlynn was a young prodigy but no one noticed. She was taught the courtly arts of dance, speech, and reading. She outwitted even her father in chess and backgammon several times. She also read much on war and it's winning. Yet at every turned she has been berated for not being proper and well behaved.

Now her father wanting to make peace and appease the brutish orcs to the west, has offered her hand to their chief's son. He had tried to clear them off a plot of land so that humans could farm there instead. He had thought this more peaceful sec of Orcs easy pickings for his well trained knights. They had found a tougher foe then they had hoped. The campaign against the orc lands had been an embarrassing loss for their little providence. Peace had to be made with them. This naked act of aggression, might lead to raids on human lands in retaliation. Her father had reluctantly paid reparations and written promises of peace down. Then he had offered Ashlynn to an orc. She knew why her dad did this. It was finally his chance to be rid of the insolent child, but still it felt like betrayal to her. She slept poorly that night, dreading what was to come.

Ashlynn had a week of drowning depression. Her fate seem like an inescapable horror. She thought to run away but she could never figure out what to do once outside the walls. She knew of only here, she had barley left this castle. She thought to just refuse but her voice meant nothing to her father and what if the orcs grew reckless waiting on a bride. She seemingly could make no choice that wouldn't end in disaster.

She was lamenting in bed when her brother decided it best to pay his dearest sister a visit.

“So how our resident orc whore doing?” he said with smile she couldn't see but could hear. He had held his position of eldest over her most of her life. She spent years taking his verbal abuse.

“Shut up and leave me be Nathan.” burring deeper into her pillow fort of despair. He sighed falsely and sat onto her bed.

“You should be happy that dad finally found someone as ugly and stupid as you.” something in her snapped at that.

“We'll both be far more beautiful than you and whatever hag you end up.” she salty spat back. She was already being married to an orc not much she had left to lose. Nathan lost his footing a second but came back smugly with, “Oh foolish sister, you haven't even seen an orc.”

“I don't need too to know that one would be a better sight than your hideous face,” she said as she sat up.

Her brother always thought himself smarter than Ashlynn. A leftover from their childhood when he could tell her all the things he was learning. She used to listen with aw and wonder. She had long out paced his studies now but he still insisted on slowly explaining the obvious to her. Often incorrectly but who was she to correct him. She always consoled herself with the thought he'll learn when his ignorance when gets him killed. He had begun to sputter in shock at her assessment of his horrid visage. He could take insults about as gracefully as a headless chicken. And like a headless chicken he ran out of the room with no clear direction.

She sunk back into her bed and found his words sinking in. It was true she had never seen an orc. She heard the stories though and they we're all terrifying. Green beasts twice as tall as normal men. Able to eat knights in full plate. Strong beyond belief and dumb as a rocks. The barbaric tribes knew only blood and war. Ashlynn knew that these tales were mostly stories. Fiction had taken to them like moss but she still feared what truth lay under it.

‘And what of my face,’ she thought, ‘It's not like sutors are lining up at the castle door.’ She pondered this for a time but it just sunk her deeper into her misery. She had never thought herself as ugly but also never as beautiful. She liked herself well enough and that's all that really mattered. She had assumed that sutors thought her brash and unbehaved like her father. Now though she wondered if she was so ugly to others. If her looks keep her from marriage not just her attitude.

“Guess it best then to be married to an orc,” she said sadly to herself, finding sleep again.

A knock at the door woke her.

“Delivery my Lady”

It was one of the maids

“Come in” she said rousing from her night of nightmares of yet to come. She sat on the bed as young maid came in with some sort of package. It was something wrapped in rough leather and tied up with rope.

“Who is it from?” she asked puzzled by the package as it was placed in her hands. The maid suddenly got shy,

“ Well it's from... you know…”

This continued to puzzle Ashlynn.

“No I don't,” she said flatly “please tell me who it's from.”

“Oh it's from… well,” she looked shy and then full of pity, “ It's from your husband to be.” The silence hit the room hard. Ashlynn slowly looked at the package with new frightened eyes. “Thank you. You can go,” she said off handley. Once she heard the door shut she gently pulled at the rope that held the leather together. Inside was necklace, a letter and something covered in feathers the likes of which she had never seen. She examined the necklace first. A worn leather string held a small wood carving of bear. Was she supposed to wear it? She took the letter next, opening it in hopes of explanations.

Dear Lady Ashlynn,

I am Varbuk son of Varungad, and I am the orc to which you have been promised to. I am happy to have our union bring peace to both our lands. I can only hope you share in this joy. I want to apologise to you, I have come to understand that you were not asked about this. My father assures me this is normal among humans but I still feel this a slight to you. It was my hope that we could talk and get to know each other before the banquet. Things have not turned out that way. This letter comes with a couple of gifts. The first is my bear totem, it keeps me safe and gives me luck so I hope the bear protects you as well. The second is a cloak made from the feathers of an owlbear. I hunted the beast and made the cloak from its feathers myself. I know these gifts can not replace a proper proposal but please take them anyways.

Sincerely,

Varbuk the Ever Will

Ashlynn sat for a long time reading and rereading the letter. She was in complete shock. First of all orcs are apparently able to write and when they do they are peace loving sweethearts. It was too much to be believable but there it all was. Then looking over everything again her eyes landed on the cloak of owlbear feathers.

She scrambled out of bed though she did not know why she felt such haste. She threw on her new cloak with a fever. She looked at herself in mirror. The cloak was completely covered in the grey and black feathers. The cloak was secured with a talon or claw and the brim of the hood had the beak of the beast it came from. With the hood up she looked like a terrifying fairy tale witch. It was dark twisted, macabe, and she actually liked it. She was surprised how much she liked looking scary and dark.

The dark sorceress feels reminded her of a time when she had begged and pleaded for a magical education. The art of magic could be taught to those smart enough to learn it. It was common for children of Noble birth to learn wizarding. Like in most things her brother had convinced her father that she wasn't smart enough to get magic. She knew he was only upset because he couldn't wrap his head around the all the spells wizards tried teaching him. Ashlynn picked up a hair brush and began to wave it like a wand. She pretended to be a dark witch casting curses on her brothers.

Then as she wandered back to bed she saw the letter and remembered where this cloak came from. It was off her as fast as she had put it on. She threw it onto the bed hard but immediately regretted it. She picked it back up to see if it was damaged but it seemed fine. This orc who had sent her these gifts seemed sweet and trying hard to help ease her into this new turn of life. Which is more than can be said for everyone else. Her brother called her a whore the other ladies at court had laughed, been disgusted or only knew pity for her. She had heard whispers that many were happy to see her go. She looked back at her cloak and got a wicked idea.

_________________________________________

The banquet hall was an array of splendor. Everyone seemed happy, and jubilant. Bards played away as the party was in full swing. Though one thing was off Ashlynn was absent. Varbuk was worried, the servants had continuously reassured him that she was just getting ready. But it had been hours now where was she? The young orc had never had the chance to meet her and was concerned that she might have fled. Humans rarely tolerated Orcs and to marry one seem to be a short straw in fate's hands for most.

His mind began to swirl with anxieties. Would she hate him, throw up at him on sight. Most humans at this party had been giving him a wide berth. Mostly the ladies of the court. He definitely felt like an outsider. He had agreed to this union because her father had been so insistent. Then a loud creek came from the large double doors. In came a shorter humanoid figure draped in a familiar cloak. Valbuk heart fluttered suddenly at the sight of his future bride wearing his gift. Everyone else was not so at put at ease. Gasps and murmurs floated through the crowd. Valbuk wasted no time though as he made strides across the hall to Ashlenn.

“Lady Ashlynn I am to assume?” he said boldly

“Yes and you are Varbuk?” she said not looking at him. Her voice was deeper than most but still soft. Varbuk got down on one knee and reached for her hand. She did not stop him raising it up and gently kissing it.

“I am my Lady.” He said looking up into her eyes. It was the first time he had saw her face. Her eyes were emeralds wreathed in wavy blonde-red locks. Her face was in a unreadable blank expression. Though prominently around her neck was his first gift. Under it was an vibrant green dress. Varbuk was touched on how she wore his gifts and amazed at how beautiful she looked in them.

_________________________________________

Ashlynn felt the eyes of everyone on her. She had decided that if they were going to be rid of her then she was going to go out looking badass. Before she saw him she could feel Varbuk's stride ponding on floor. She didn't bother to raise her eyes to meet his. She could tell he was tall. His outfit was simple and unfancy. Cloth shirt and trousers with a leather belt free of weapons. When he bent down to kiss her hand she got to see his face. His hair seemed longer than hers, the shining black dreadlocks tied back behind him. A short chin strap beard warped around his face. His two white tusks popped against his summer leaf green skin. They meet eyes and his eyes were a warm amber. She had to admit he was handsome he seemed rugged and worldly. Ashlynn was jealous of that freedom to explore.

More footsteps came hurtling towards the pair, theses were much lighter.

“Ashlynn what are you wearing!?” Ah her father was here. She turned to the thin duke to speak but Varbuk's booming voice beat her to the punch.

“Gifts I sent her doesn't she look magnificent in them.” She saw the struggle play out across the long face of her father. He needed to play nice with the orc but really thought she shouldn't be wearing such ghastly garb. Diplomacy won out in the end as he weakly gave a, “Yes.”

The Duke slunked back to the large dining table and sat at it's head and called for dinner. Varbuk stuck out an elbow, inviting Ashlynn to take hold. She took him up on the offer. As they walk she could still feel the glares of disgust and hate but she didn't care. They always cast her as the villain so she was going to live up to expectations. Varbuk arm was thick and muscled, in fact most of him was. He stood a foot taller than everyone here and towered almost two feet taller than her. There was two other orcs here one older man and a woman. Both were huge in their own right. Valbuk must have noticed her looking and said,

“That's my father and mother.”

“Oh that's nice they came out with you” Ashlynn said trying to make small talk.

“They want to make sure that this peace goes well.”

“Doesn't everyone?”

“Yeah I suppose so,” he chuckled. She could feel his voice pull from deep in his chest.

“But do you?” Valbuk continued.

“Do I what?”

“Want this peace to go well?”

“Of course I do. Our people need peace.”

“Yes but do you want this? Want to marry an orc for the sake of your people?” No obviously not that was her answer, right? Why did that answer seem so far away. Like getting all these orcish gifts on made her forget that answer in her room.

“I, uh …” was a she got out before they were at the table being interrupted.

“Ah the lovely couple please take a seat.” A servant pointing to their chairs at the table. Varbuk pulled out one for her. She sat in it as let Varbuk push her in. He took the seat right next to her, smiling that warm smile of his.

The rest of the court and guests took their places. Valbuk, and Ashlynn sat at the end near her father. Valbuks parents on the other side situated between her brothers. The Duke stood and made a speech about peace and the coming together of stuff but he was using his boring voice so Ashlynn paid little attention. Everyone seemed enraptured by the speech though. She keep glancing at Varbuk, his question still lingering in her mind. Did she still want to run from this orc? He had been nothing but kind and generous with her. The stories she heard wrong on everything except their skin tone. Her mind was storming with these questions when on one her glances she saw something. It was a raised dagger behind Valbuk's back. Something awful dripping off the blade.

“WATCH OUT!” She shouted. Without a thought she grabbed the servants wrist trying to hold back the blade. The man was stronger then her but she had bought Varbuk enough time. His much stronger hands grabbed the servant and lifted him up like he was nothing. He stood up then he tossed the would be assassin like a rag doll across the room. The deadly blade landing near Ashlynn's feet. A similar struggle played out at the other end of the table as Varbuk's parents easily fended off Ashlynn's brothers. During this the Duke had made a break for it. He called out as he ran for the guards. Ashlynn knew this was going to be trouble.

She grabbed Varbuk's hand,

“This way!” She pulled him behind her as she ran. She knew these hall all too well. With a glance back she saw all three orcs on her tail. She was running on autopilot as she dodged though hall after hall. Down one way, left here, right there. Her nerves were tingling then she came to when she was running to. She released Varbuk's hand then set to work on the wall.

“What in the Nine hells just happened!?” Varbuk said gasping for air. Ashlynn had a good idea what happened.

“My father just tried to cut the head off the snake.”

“What!?” said the older man almost shouting.

“It's an old technique where you lure an enemy leader under peace terms then kill him and scatter the remaining army.” She kept scanning the stone bricks of the wall.

“Ashlynn your foot” Varbuk said solemnly

“What about it?”

“It’s bleeding.”

She looked down and saw a dark stain on her foot. Then it hit her, the dagger the servant had must have fallen on to her foot then to the ground. She hadn't even noticed. She looked back at the wall with renewed fear. She found what she was looking for. A brick marked with a bird carving. She pressed it and the wall shook as the secret passage way opened up.

“This leads to a the stables at the edge of the city. We need to move quic-” she was light headed and then stinging in her feet was getting worse. Then she fell but she was caught in Valbuk's arms. He lifted her up and carried her bridal style.

“It's going to be ok we're going to get out of here.” Varbuk voice cooed at the weak Noble in his arms. Then she blacked out.

[exmachinus]

ascension

another gift for @melissaknowsthings featuring The Thot being imperial, and The Banana Bae being fond

Watching the Talos priest arrive in Solitude had been an utterly hilarious moment. It was partly why she’d chosen Solitude to be crowned in. Well. That and because it was a rather graceful melding of Imperial and Nord. Solitude, city of the Empire, home of General Tullius himself, having to play host to an ancient Nord custom, appointing a Nord Dragonborn Queenship of the land. Ah, but, she’d ever-so-sweetly reasoned with the table of uncomfortable generals, priests, politicians, and various other Old Men of Note, surely there was a better title to confer on a Nord Lady about to assume the throne? After all, the Empire as an institution was functional. There wasn’t any real reason to abandon it. Just the Thalmor and their… barbaric practices about Talos. Yes, she’d mused out loud, it was absolutely best to give her the Imperial title of Empress. She’d taken their silence as assent. She knew she had them under her thumb, and not just because Marcus was sitting obsequiously in a corner behind her, sharpening a Daedric greatsword.  

No. They owed her. They owed her the happiness and safety of their collective peoples. Bards throughout Skyrim sang odes to her beauty and generosity, wherever she went the common folk would approach to grip her hands and thank her, embrace her with joy and hope. They owed her this. And no one would dare to stop her. And who could? She had the Blackbriars and the Thieves around her little finger, the Dark Brotherhood was at her command, even the Thalmor dared not move openly against her. Besides, assassination attempts would keep life interesting.

The only thing more amusing than Talos worshipers in the streets of Solitude was sauntering into the Palace of Kings with Marcus and Rumarin. Being in Windhelm at all with Marcus was always a delight; she loved watching Ulfric and his blustering buffoons nearly rupture the veins in their foreheads when she brought a dremora and a High Elf into their most revered sanctum. But of course, Ulfric was as powerless as the others to stop her. Once her business was finished, she released Marcus into the snowy wilds to let off some steam and find some bandits to destroy, as was his wont, and grinned at Rumarin, who rolled his eyes even as he smiled, fondness apparent. “Really, one day they’ll all drop dead if you keep doing that.”

She laughed, unbridled. “Oh, that would be fun, but I’ve promised Marcus he can have them once I don’t need them anymore.” Ru’s eyes glittered at her cruel grin.

“It’s really almost too attractive when you get ruthless like that.”

She’d laughed again and kissed his cheek. Then fucked him senseless that night.

-

That was two days ago. Now she leaned against a balcony railing in Castle Dour with Rumarin, watching the common folk of the city learn to adjust to the restoration of the Nine. It had taken some work, and would continue to take some work, but she was confident Talos would be re-accepted with time. She knew it, the way she felt the gentle warmth of a benevolent smile whenever she passed one of His shrines. Like a distant, but proud and loving, father.

A servant briefly interrupted their game of guessing who would try and step awkwardly around whom in the streets to let her know the seamstresses had arrived for the fittings for her coronation gown. She’d dismissed him with a nod and finished the last of the wine in her goblet, and was turning to head inside when Rumarin stopped her with a light hand on her forearm. She’d turned back with her brows raised, intending to tell him, yes, she would leave the jug of wine here with him, when she was stopped by the strangely fond expression on his face.

“I don’t mean to get all, ugh, mushy on you here, and maybe this is just the wine and skooma talking, but. Before I met you, did I ever once think a High Elf would be able to walk freely through Windhelm, or be the guest of the Nord Dragonborn about to gain the highest office in the land? If anyone’d suggested it a year and a half ago, I would have accused them of taking skooma shots off an Argonian’s ballsack.”

She’d choked. “Ru-”

“Look, before I lose my nerve, what I’m trying to say is I really am quite proud of you. And I’m grateful. For all you’ve given me.”

Her mouth fell open a little and her eyes stung. When she said nothing, he coughed and leaned back out over the railing. “Do you remember when we met? You were wearing leather armors. That you’d bought from a storekeep. Incredible. You’ve come so far.”

She put her arms around him and pressed a loud, smacking, kiss against his temple. “And what have I given you? Aside from a collection of fantastic scars and memories?” He turned in her arms, expression offended.

“You did the best thing anyone’s ever done for me: you introduced me to Marcus, and by extension some of the best orgasms I’ve had in my life.”

She couldn’t help it, she collapsed against his shoulder laughing, and through the giggles she managed to get out, “He’d be so offended his fucking has only given you some of the best orgasms of your life.”

Ru considered that. “Well,” he said solemnly, “he’ll just have to continue fucking me until I don’t care to remember getting fucked by anyone or anything else, won’t he?”

She nearly screamed with laughter, and that point she had to retire indoors or she was going to spend the whole afternoon kissing him, and have to wear something unsightly to her own coronation.

Of course, that would be fun, as well.

-

The Temple of the Divines was resplendent in the afternoon sun, the colored glass in the high windows throwing shafts of brilliant light across the congregation. Rather than have a private ceremony, with only Skyrim’s nobles in attendance, she’d ordered the doors of the Temple thrown open so the gathered throngs of people could witness their Queen become Empress. As she processed down the aisle, she was keenly aware of the gazes of the people around her. Bits of jealousy, still some anger, love, devotion, fear. Marcus, leaning against the back wall of the Temple, equally resplendent in his fine clothes, his red eyes nearly aglow with fierce pride.

She went through the rehearsed motions, kneeling carefully in her magnificent cream and gold gown. She bent her head and swore to love, protect, and serve the peoples of Skyrim and Tamriel with all her life and spirit, and to uphold the fairness of the justice and laws of the land. The Talos priest, nearly bursting with Nordic pride, raised his arms and bid her lift her head. She did, and felt with equally keen awareness the heavy enameled crown placed atop her hair. In a single fluid motion she rose to her feet and turned, magisterial and imperial, nearly aglow herself in the shining light of the mid-afternoon sun, framed by the Nine Divines, set in the knowledge of the right of her birth and what she had accomplished, she rose Kira I, Empress of Skyrim and Tamriel.

A deafening flood of approving sound, roars and cries and applause, greeted her. Then, from the back of the assembled crowd, came the cry: “Dovahkiin! Dovahkiin!” and the Nords collectively launched into the old, once nearly-forgotten, song, greeting their hero and their empress, in the tongue of their ancestors and of hers: “...naal ok zin los vahriin! Wah dein vokul mahfaeraak ahst vaal!”

Also near the back of the room, her eyes caught on the one High Elf present, his kind yellow eyes glossy and bright. She watched as he mouthed the words in the tongue of dovah along with the Nords, shining with pride and joy for her. In that moment, she was nearly overcome. He’d learned the words of the song, not necessarily knowing it would be sung, but he’d learned them anyway, for her, the old old song of her people to the Dragonborn.

“...Nuz aan sul, fent alok, fod fin vul dovah nok! Fen kos nahlot mahfaeraak ahrk ruz! Paaz Keizaal fen kos stin nol bein Alduin jot! Dovahkiin kos fin saviik do muz!”

[bardstune]

@ashenhaiir​ - liked a useless ooc post so gets a thing.

   Despite appearances Dandelion had grown up as a Noble in the royal house of Lettenhove as Julian Alfred Pankratz raised primarily by his godfather, his Uncle, when his own father had lost his mind from the death of his mother. Dandelion adored his father, had decent memories, though he had not loved the training's that came with being of their blood. Noble, Lord, Young Master--they were all titles he was familiar with that carried heavy weights primarily attached with whippings and cane whops. He could walk before he could talk, speak properly before he could spell his name, and though most of it had turned out useful in the end the one skill Dandelion learned that he rarely ever used--was fencing. 

   All Nobles could, to some degree, wield a sword. Most of them carried one, typically for show, but you had to also know the proper way to wield it so to not look like an idiot. Dandelion was no exception. He took to fencing like a new born deer attempting to walk, had the scars to prove it, and hated it just as much as all the other lessons shoved down his throat especially when this one proved much more painful to learn. 

   He honestly had never thought it would become necessary in his life. 

   When Dandelion traveled alone he stuck to the main roads, kept a dagger in his boot and typically ended up with others. He went from one town to the next, performed, and stayed for as long as he could milking the tavern goers. He’d stayed to long in the previous town, ran into a bit of trouble and ended up abandoning the inn in the middle of the night. Dark, off road, he ended up miss stepping and ending up in the wrong place. Where Geralt just happened to be. 

   It was hard to say exactly what happened, Dandelion didn’t exactly get a good view especially in the dark. If he had to guess Geralt appeared to be hunting a creature that only appeared at night, it gave him a good fight and the right after he was cornered by a hoard of soldiers or bandits, it was to dark to tell. What he could tell though was that it appeared Geralt was losing which was alarming enough. Was he actually injured? Poisoned? Did poison work on a Witcher? He really didn’t have much longer to think on it before that dear Witcher lost his head. 

   He spotted Geralt’s discarded sword, just at the base of the hill he was on, and Dandelion moved. He slid quietly down the hillside, sure Geralt heard him considering the Witchers advanced hearing but thankfully the enemies didn’t. His fingers curled around the hilt of the sword, the weight awkward in his hand and definitely not a Sabre. It was to heavy for him, to off balance, but he managed to get it comfortable enough in his right hand without feeling like his wrist would collapse under the weight. Just how strong was Geralt? 

   As the attacker swung for his friends neck Dandelion stepped forward, left arm tucked behind his back, and caught the weapon with defensive swing. The clash nearly knocked the blade from his hand, the weight of the sword twisting uncomfortably as he attempted to control the blade. At least it wasn’t silver, he was sure Geralt’s other sword was even heavier. 

   ❝ The fuck ‘er you? ❞

   Eloquent as always, how deeply he missed terrible barbaric conversations with the muck of the universe that destiny shit upon.   ❝ Dandelion. ❞   He doesn’t smile, doesn’t even so much as glance at their face, he simply steps over Geralt’s legs and stands before his friend. The name however, as well known as his other, does garner a reaction.    

   ❝ The fuckin’ bard? ❞   He laughs, as if Dandelion’s name or occupation is a joke he’s not entirely sure. Either way he’s offended and his hand tightens on the sword.   ❝ Look at this ‘in boy’s. Fuckin’ bard wieldin’ a sword. Dressed in frills. ❞

   They are not frills, not that he’s going to waste his breath explaining his bardic clothing to imbecilic. Besides, he likes this outfit, it’s one of his best and Dandelion had a performance booked in the next town over that required his best clothes.   ❝ Excuse me if you’re quite done please take your leave. ❞   The laughter stops and he gets a look of disbelief to which Dandelion just blinks at them. He’s very aware of Geralt behind him right now, not having moved despite the chatter meaning he was probably not alright. 

   Or stunned. He actually hopes the other is stunned because that would make him worry less. 

   It would also make the Ballad he was going to write from this far more interesting. 

   The man in front of him swings his sword and Dandelion’s face twists a bit in pain as he deflects it again. Geralt needed lighters swords! The hand behind his back closes into a fists, squeezing tightly to distract from the pain. He twists to avoid another attack, the barbaric mans blade sliding against the one he borrowed. Dandelion twists the sword, spinning the other mans around and then yanks quickly to disarm the weapon from the stranger. He ducks a punch, swings the blade up and feels it rip easily through the mans clothing and skin. They let out a bone chilling screech, the sound cutting through his very core with a shiver and falls to the ground. As they clutch their chest, a useful action considering how deep it is, Dandelion turns to the others. 

   Stunned, terrified, they look at him with wide eyes and mouths agape. One of them mutters ‘a bard just did that!’ as another nods rapidly. Then like the cowards they are they flee, leaving their leader on the ground as he starts to still from blood loss and approaching death. Dandelion turns toward Geralt, swings the sword down and splattering the blood across the ground. The hand clenched behind his back slowly loosens and he reaches it up, stretching his fingers as he fixes his hat upon his head proper. 

   ❝ Well, ❞   he starts, relaxing his fingers on the hilt of the sword until it slides from his numb fingers.   ❝ Allow us to never do that again, Geralt. ❞   The sword clatters to the ground noisily and Dandelion looks to his friend properly.   ❝ The ballad I shall write of this tale will be sung through all the lands my friend! ❞

[kingofthewilderwest]

For the Canon Meme, Book Fishlegs and Camicazi

Canon Meme

FISHLEGS

Canon: Fishlegs gets so fed up with Alvin the Treacherous that he literally starts his own tribe name, the No-Name Tribe. This tribe’s principles starkly contrast the values upon which other Viking clans are based. Whereas all the other tribes have mottos about “only the strong can belong,” Fishlegs’ entire principle is that everyone is welcome here.

Headcanon: The No-Name Tribe does become a real-deal thing. Fishlegs does accept anyone and everyone (except for Alvin) who needs a tribe. Since Fishlegs is the royal bard of the renewed Wilderwest kingdom, the No-Names become respected, accepted, and influential. The establishment of the No-Name Vikings is a huge, extraordinary element of social reform in the Barbaric Archipelago, one of the forefront components steering the Vikings away from their “uncivilized” traditions.

Heartcanon: My heart just really wishes Fishlegs and his mother could have met in person. ;_; Fishlegs meeting his mother after searching so long and hard for his family...

Soulcanon: Fishlegs is an amazing and talented bard.

CAMICAZI

Canon: During the great, intratribal swordfighting competition in which all the members of all the Viking tribes assembled compete... Camicazi made it to the quarterfinals. She was eleven years old at the time, the youngest person ever to make FlashMaster and receive bronze belt for her abilities. Oh... and she did this all with an injury. She had a limp, and it was the limp that eventually got the best of her when she was competing against Madguts the Murderous. I mean, that just goes to show how amazing she is.

Headcanon: This is such a weird headcanon, but welp. Here goes. XD Camicazi is a short, tiny little girl throughout the How to Train Your Dragon books. However, at the end of the book series, Camicazi is about twelve years old, meaning that she might not be too far off from her adult height. It’s still possible for her to have one last growth spurt, but even then, I do doubt that Camicazi would grow enough to ever be a tall individual.

Given as her mother is such a massive, impending figure, I’m guessing that Camicazi’s body type comes from her father. I headcanon that her father is on the smaller side. I also headcanon that Camicazi does not inherit Big Boobied Bertha’s big boobs - again, a trait from her father’s side of the family.

Heartcanon: Hiccup has big moments in How to Fight a Dragon’s Fury. Fishlegs definitely has big moments in How to Fight a Dragon’s Fury. It’s not like Camicazi wasn’t present and wasn’t doing cool things, but let’s heartcanon she did even more. Give her a chance to shine and be the amazing whirlwind of unfettered Viking energy she is!

Soulcanon: Camicazi and Hiccup are better as friends than in a ship. While the end of book twelve might suggest romantic feelings could later pop up for Hiccup and Cami, and while Cressida Cowell refuses to name King Hiccup’s wife (suggesting it’s someone we know), my soul bleeds with the idea that these two are better as friends. What is so incredible about the HTTYD book series is that it focuses specifically on the power of familial and platonic love. Camicazi, Fishlegs, and Hiccup are a powerful friendship trio whose dynamics should not be broken with a romance. The story is so much better off if these are three friends who forge through trials together. The story is so much better if the main female character and the male female character don’t ever fall in love. I love the friendship between Hiccup and Camicazi. They’re friends. That’s what’s so great about them.

[antipastianzuk]

Spring, Summer special events & Walks

Midtown Scholar Bookstore reading series, Almost Uptown Poetry Cartel.

Open mics, Syttende Mai, Mid-Atlantic poets laureate on Social Change, Walk Like Walt pedal extravaganza!

There will be a poetry reading/open mic on April 25 and, coming up on May 16, there'll be a reading of Norwegian poetry as part of our conjunction with the annual Syttende Mai celebration in Spring Grove, MN.   

================== 

Rick Kearns, Harrisburg's laureate, representing. On May 30, regional poets laureate perform their works on subjects critical to understanding social justice as it relates to both the Great Lakes and Mid-Atlantic region.

Poetry Thursdays, legendary verse series happens every Thursday evening, 

7--9pm at the Midtown Scholar. (717) 909-6566. No hassles, no sign-up sheet, there's always a Quaker-style open mic.

=================

Walk like a man: June 13, 8:03pm "Walk Like Walt". Show yr appreciation for the great American bard. 7--9pm at the Scholar. (717) 909-6566. The Walt Walk will begin at 8:03pm.

Whitman's genius, passions, poetry, and androgynous sensibilities came together to create new verse for a new world in 1871. 

With the slim, self-published edition of poems called "Leaves of Grass", Walt Whitman emerged as America's first true poet. 

Walking is one of the main gaits of locomotion ...typically slower than running and other gaits. Walking is defined by an 'inverted pendulum' gait in which the body vaults over the passive limb or limbs with each step.

So how did Whitman walk? Your guess is as good as mine. I'm thinking it was bold, yet sensitive to the gravity and pulse of this crazy granite planet.

"I believe," said Walt, stepping gently, that "a leaf of grass is no less than the journey work of the stars..." 

Yeah, watch yr step, let’s be one with grass. 

Really, let's all walk like Walt. June 13 is all about Walt Whitman. Read some Whitman, wear Whitmanesque garb. Do a barbaric yawp. Walk the walk June 13, yeah! "Walk Like Whitman" a/k/a "Walk Like Walt" --the new sensation. Search your heart, stride right, it's sweeping the nation. June 13. Do it for mama.

There will be a staging area for the walk just outside the Midtown Scholar Bookstore, (717 236-1680) where the readings will transpire. Members of the Almost Uptown poetry cartel will attend to your questions and safety concerns.

The spirit of Walt Whitman will surely guide your feet.

-------------------------------------------------------

Our PoetryThursdays reading series will celebrate its ten-year anniversary later in 2019. The series began in a small coffeehouse in Midtown and continued through numerous downtown and suburban venues.

You can be part of it. In fact, we hope you will. Everything's waiting for you.

[kayawagner]

New map compendium bundle [BUNDLE]

Publisher: Map alchemists

This special bundle product contains the following titles.

Air Docking Bay Regular price: $2.34 Bundle price: $1.04 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a Cool Sky map on the corner of your table. This map comes With a Dock, tower and rooms where guess can take a good night sleep. Also include a large living room and a storage room. A big Airship is at the docks waiting for cargo to Unload and passengers to come in. Fit perfectly a Fantasy setting and or Steampunk genre . 3 maps of 8.5x11 makes this a big one of 11x25.5 Grided and no grids versions, Full PDF and independant Jpeg's files. All maps are 300 DPI   By Map Alchemists... Cabin in the woods Regular price: $1.44 Bundle price: $0.64 Format: Watermarked PDF Cabin in the wood is the map of a Mysterious cabin deep in the woods. It's a set of 2 maps of 8.5x11 in 300 DPI  with very fine details You have 2 otpions , 2 maps ungrided or 2 grided maps. The first map is the exterior view set in winter with old crooked trees and a larger scale landscape. The second map is the cabin itself wit a zoom in...the perfect beggining for an adventure or a very nice discovery for your party to rest...but why his the fire inside lit ? what are theses little trace of blood. Use these beautiful maps and set your own plot! By Map Alchemists ... Double Package mine of the lost dwarves & Pirate's camp Regular price: $1.99 Bundle price: $0.88 Format: Watermarked PDF A special map combo! Get 2 maps ...each maps are ( 2x 8.5 x 11 In 300 DPI ) that means you have 2 maps for the mine with grids 2 maps with no grids and  2 Maps for the camp with grids and 2 maps without grids!   The Mine map are done with the mine art pack That you can buy later on another of my product that contains...cemetary art pack ( 32 items ) mine art pack ( 100 Items ) and ceremony art pack ( 78 items ..that means 210 Items to populate your empty maps ) This is a good deal...;-) hope you like it ... Evil Giant forest map Regular price: $1.33 Bundle price: $0.59 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy Forest map on the corner of your table. This  is a generic yet atmospheric and ambient forest. You will feel that something his happening right there...and you can use to set your own plot ! 2x 8.5x11 full resolution and very nice details. By Map Alchemists ( come with a grid or without a grid in PDF format )... Generic city map #1 Regular price: $1.33 Bundle price: $0.59 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy City map on the corner of your table. This map comes with no name on it so you can decide it ! It also comes with an empty legend to fill..write were your shops are..the church the number of habitants and all. It's like creating a new city but with all the graphics done for you. 1 map grided and one without so you can choose what you like best! Also comes with 2 JPEG'S of the legend that you can print and write ! 8.5x11 full resolution and very nice details. By Map Alchemists ( come with a grid or without a grid in PDF format )... Generic city map #2 Regular price: $1.33 Bundle price: $0.59 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy City map on the corner of your table. This on is my favorite !! This map comes with no name on it so you can decide it ! It also comes with an empty legend to fill..write were your shops are..the church the number of habitants and all. It's like creating a new city but with all the graphics done for you. 1 map grided and one without so you can choose what you like best! Also comes with 2 JPEG'S of the legend that you can print and write ! 8.5x11 full resolution and very nice details. By Map Alchemists ( come with a grid or without a grid in PDF format )... Generic city map #3 Regular price: $1.33 Bundle price: $0.59 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy City map on the corner of your table. This map comes with no name on it so you can decide it ! It's like creating a new city but with all the graphics done for you. Also comes with 2 JPEG'S of the legend that you can print and write ! 8.5x11 full resolution and very nice details. By Map Alchemists... Prisoner's Camp Regular price: $1.49 Bundle price: $0.66 Format: Watermarked PDF Prisoner's camp is the map of a Wooden Barbaric Prison, suitable for orc's goblin's or any monstrous creature chasing humanoids. A perfect place for the players to be brought and try to escape!!! It's a set of 4 maps of 8.5x11 in 300 DPI  with very fine details You have 2 otpions , 4 maps ungrided or 4 grided maps. Use these beautiful maps and set your own plot! By Map Alchemists ... The Happy Owl Road Tavern Regular price: $0.64 Bundle price: $0.28 Format: Watermarked PDF TheHappy Owl tavern is  a small 8.5x11 map   for you to have fun with..Set in the middle of nowhere in a snowy forest ..this place is sure to help your  players. Price are cheap like and the fire is warm... Always welcomed when you are lost in the middle of nowhere!! A good place to start a campaign for 1st level party's.   Create your own story and link it to this beautiful Tavern map. Let yourself be amazed by the sheer amount of fine details.   YOu get 2 maps of the Main floor...1 with a grid  and 1 without grid to suit your needs.  the maps are   8.5x11 in 150 DPI resolution + Make sure you check out our high resolutionmaps and bundle...you would be amazed by the details and the sheer amount of work !... The Alchemist Shop Regular price: $1.20 Bundle price: $0.53 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy shop like an Alchemist  by the hand. Very fine details, a place were even adventure can start to come to life. A 8.5x11 map of the finest details a Potion and even scroll shop and of course the private quarter'S of the Alchemist Himself. You will also find a small view of the street in front of the shop. A very nice map to have. ( come with a grid or without a grid in PDF format ) Let's brew some potions my friends !!... The Alchemist Shop 1 Regular price: $2.34 Bundle price: $1.04 Format: Watermarked PDF Need a potion ? Rare Ingredients ? High quality matérials and Items? Thats is what we sale here at the alchemy shop. Powder, liquids and Elixirs, creams and first aid kits...all you need to survive and cure any Illness. You Have the potion workshop , the general area where you see all type of goods and utilities, and the owner's bedroom . 2 maps of 8.5x11 makes this a big one of 11x17 Grided and no grids versions, Full PDF and independant Jpeg's files. All maps are 300 DPI   By Map Alchemists... The Christmas Cabin Regular price: $2.34 Bundle price: $1.04 Format: Watermarked PDF A cool and very Ambient cabin In the snow. The Map has 4 rooms, A bedroom , a luxurious yet rustic Living room , a nice kitchen and a nice place for the feast to take place ! A decorated Pine in a corner with gifts on the floor let you set a special holliday in your best fantasy game. The Lighting gives mood to the scene where you and your player will have the best of conversation! 1map day version of 8.5x11 and 1 map with a night version  Grided and no grids versions, Full PDF and independant Jpeg's files. All maps are 300 DPI   By Map Alchemists... The Church Regular price: $3.68 Bundle price: $1.63 Format: Watermarked PDF Pretty rare to find a church map these days! The map is full of details,2 full 8.5x11 maps gives place to the main hall, with stain glass and an altar, a huge statue serves as the representation of a god of your choice dress in armor ! on the other section you find multiple rooms,edrooms for the clerical workers and priests, a candle making room and a human body preparation room for funerals.A main Bedroom for the high cleric, a feast room and a nice living room with a nice place by the fire !Other than this a prayer room , a well  and a place where an old statue has fallen prey to time and erosion. In the middle you find a staircase that leads wherever you want that place to lead ( no map for the basement but it could be the beggining of a quest that is for sure ! Oh And I almost ... The City Street Market Regular price: $2.34 Bundle price: $1.04 Format: Watermarked PDF Ahhhh the city streets, where thieve roam in dark alleys and city guards watch their every steps. This map shows street corners full of products for sale. You want to play the charisma game, then you came to the good place! Weapons and food, armors and even exotic animals . This map could be added to any fantasy /medieval settings. 1 maps of 8.5x11Day Version and 1 Night Version  Grided and no grids versions, Full PDF and independant Jpeg's files. All maps are 300 DPI   By Map Alchemists... The Crow's Nest Luxurious Inn & Tavern Regular price: $1.67 Bundle price: $0.74 Format: Watermarked PDF Wow , The crow's nest is defenitly the place to hang out...If you are looking for adventure ..well It's the place to be. A huge stage for bards, signers,or a circus to act. even a backstage for the performers. A place of mystery where the Innkeeper is an old adventurer..a stange man he his! The view from the outside showing some buildings around..a nice balcony to admire the exterior view..a nice kitchen ..plenty of rooms some an a normal price some very expensive. You can see the stable...tremendous details ...of the 3 story high building. + You get the basement and storage room. The biggest Inn you ever went ..the place you will always want to return to spend the gold from your last adventure. Create your own enigmatic story with this mystical place. A must have for evey... The Dark dungeon Regular price: $1.33 Bundle price: $0.59 Format: Watermarked PDF A dark dungeon filled with horrific items, coffins and dark places. A set or 4x   8.5x11  maps ( 4 with 1 inches square grid ) ( and 4 without grids ) for you to choose. Very detailed  high 300 dPI resolution PDF'S . By Map Alchemists... The Evil Librarist Regular price: $1.20 Bundle price: $0.53 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy shop like a library close at hand. Very fine details, a place were even adventure can start to come to life. A 8.5x11 map of the finest detaisl a library, a room for the owner ..and well a very very secret backstore...yeah..with an altar for sacrifice..a Throne...skulls and all...what the hell is happening here ? The librarist foind a book..a very very evil book...and then..things started to change..if evil his happening in this town...maybe it's because of ''THE EVIL LIBRARIST'' ( come with a grid or without a grid in PDF format )... The Fort Regular price: $0.00 Bundle price: $0.00 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy Fort map on the corner of your table. This map comes with no name on it so you can decide it ! Decide who resides in the superb rustic fort... There his a Inn Inside And the leaders house ( exterior view only ) 8.5x11 2 full ungrided  maps full resolution and very nice details. 11x17 total By Map Alchemists ( come  in PDF format )... The Guard tower Regular price: $1.60 Bundle price: $0.71 Format: Watermarked PDF The Guard tower is a map of an Abandoned old Guard tower somewhere deep in the woods. It's a set of 3 maps of 8.5x11 in 300 DPI  with very fine details You have 2 otpions , 3 maps ungrided or 3 grided maps. The feeling of murder and old battle fills the room, letting the players only with a glimpse of what could have been a serious encounter. The place seems somewhat alive again has traces of life are seen on the tower. What his happening ? who has taken this tower for new home....??? let the party search and find out....what threat is living inside. Use these beautiful maps and set your own plot! By Map Alchemists ... The Ice Undermountain Regular price: $2.67 Bundle price: $1.19 Format: Watermarked PDF A winter themed  ice  dungeon filled with rocks doors and ice braziers...some sort of lair for creatures to build a colony and place some traps for humans to die horribly!!, A set or 5   8.5x11  maps (  with 1 inches square grid ) and no grids options resulting in a 17x22 map + the exterior map of the bridge , the entrance and the exit out of the mountain Very detailed  high resolution downloadable PDF'S . By Map Alchemists... The Joyful Goblin Inn and Tavern Regular price: $1.20 Bundle price: $0.53 Format: Watermarked PDF The Joyful Goblin Inn and tavern Belong's to SlimBoggle the Slim..a very funny and friendly goblin. Price are cheap like the food ...but the fun is always there..the only place where you can buy half beer ( yeah that's cheap loll ) A good place to start a campaign for 1st level party's.   Create your own story and link it to this beautiful inn map. Let yourself be amazed by the sheer amount of fine details.   YOu get 4 maps of the Main floor...2 with a grids day/night and 2 without grids day/night to suit your needs.  the maps are   8.5x11 in 300 DPI resolution + You gat also the basement map   grided and not grided...this is where slim's sleep when he has a chance and not partying ;-) the basement is full of details.... just with... The Magical Bazaar Regular price: $1.00 Bundle price: $0.44 Format: Watermarked PDF The Magical Bazaar is a very special place, where you can buy magical items and artefacts, a place to travel to other plane of existence...a place so rare that you can only visit it once.   Create your own story and link it to this beautyful blue colored theme map. Let yourself be amazed by the sheer amount of fine details.   YOu get 2 maps...one with a grid and one without to suit your needs.  the map is a 8.5x11 in 300 DPI resolution... The Queen's Cemetary Regular price: $1.15 Bundle price: $0.51 Format: Watermarked PDF The Queen's cemetary is a very detailed set of maps. -The cemetary ( day version ) -The cemetary (Night Version) -The Queen's chamber -The secret tomb -Player parchement map YOu have all theses maps in grided and ungrided version  all 8.5x11 300 DPI resolution PDF'S Create you own story and legend for theses fantastic maps. It's a set of 2 maps of 8.5x11 in 300 DPI  with very fine details You have 2 otpions , 2 maps ungrided or 2 grided maps. The first map is the exterior view set in winter with old crooked trees and a larger scale landscape. The second map is the cabin itself wit a zoom in...the perfect beggining for an adventure or a very nice discovery for your party to rest...but why his the fire inside lit ? what are theses little trace of ... The Souk Market Regular price: $0.00 Bundle price: $0.01 Format: Watermarked PDF The Souk Market is a very special place, where you can buy anything you need ...a place set in a middle east look for any fantasy games. Create your own story and link it to this beautiful colored theme map. Let yourself be amazed by the sheer amount of fine details.  This map comes in one single piece with and without grid 27x21 inches in High resolution Good for VTT or any fantasy RPG games They are also included in 3 of our 4 bundles...maybe you feel like saving some money by buying a bundle instead. Enjoy... The volcanic Lair Regular price: $4.01 Bundle price: $1.78 Format: Watermarked PDF A dark dungeon filled with rocks and flames...some sort of lair for creatures to build a colony and place some traps for humans to die horribly!!, coffins and dark places. A set or 16   8.5x11  maps (  with 1 inches square grid )resulting in a 44x34 map ( you can print a huge poster out of it ) Very detailed  high resolution downloadable PDF'S . By Map Alchemists ... The Weaponsmith Regular price: $1.82 Bundle price: $0.81 Format: Watermarked PDF Always fun to have a handy shop like a weaponsmith , by the hand. Very fine details, a place were even adventure can start to come to life. A 8.5x11 map of the finest detaisl a weaponshop shop and a forge can have. You will also find a small building where the artisans can set up a fire have a lunch and talk. One of the best map I did! ( come with a grid or without a grid in PDF format )... TheForest River Regular price: $2.24 Bundle price: $1.02 Format: Watermarked PDF The Firest river is a map of full current river somewhere deep in the woods. It's a set of 2 maps of 8.5x11 in 300 DPI  with very fine details, inside you will find a gridded and ungridded version of the maps...day and night A bridge stands there on the side with treacherous rocks and a river in full action...the perfect setting for a goblin or ogre foght..can you cross the bridge in time ?? its up to you to make the perfect setting for this huge empty battlemap. Use these beautiful maps and set your own plot! By Map Alchemists ...

Total value:$45.01Special bundle price:$20.00Savings of:$25.01 (56%)

Price: $45.01 New map compendium bundle [BUNDLE] published first on https://supergalaxyrom.tumblr.com

[largando]

EMO_OSR_ExileIsland_Knights

Header: </style><a style="font-family:arial; font-weight:normal" >Knights of Exile Island<br><br>Exile Island is a crappy place between all the great empires and crawling with remnants of great evil empires from the pre flood era. There are so many dungeons here that farmers are always wary of digging up a cursed relic, a lost city or some horrible monster when all they want is turnips. The north is still wild and barbaric but the south has the barrony and a Colony of the Great Empire on the south continent. Both these lands produce knights but others come from far off lands to quest and kill monsters that are hard to find in less horrible lands.<br><br>A knight is basically a military aristocrat cavalryman who owes fealty to a superior lord all the way up to a king or emperor. Some who come to the Island are fairly exotic. Some weird non human knights also come. Undead knights occasionally roam the land too from when necromancers ruled man thousands of years ago.<br><br>from Elfmaids and Octopi<br></a><a style="font-family:arial; font-weight:normal; font-size:75%"><br>elfmaidsandoctopi.blogspot.com/2017/05/d100-knights-of-exile-island.html</a><hr>

table: start <style>ul \{margin-top: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 1em;}</style>& <style>table \{border-collapse: collapse;\}tr \{border-bottom: 1px solid black; border-collapse: collapse;\}</style>& <table><col width="150"><col width="1000">& [|<tr><td>Knight Type</td><td>[@KnightlyTypes]</td></tr>|<tr><td>Knight with Entourage</td><td>[@KnightsOfExileIsland]</td></tr>]& <tr><td>Doing what</td><td>[@WhatAreTheseKnightsUpTo]</td></tr>& <tr><td>Equipment</td><td><ul>[@KnightEquipment]</ul></td></tr>& <tr><td>Heraldry</td><td>[@MakeHeraldry]</td></tr>& </table>

table: MakeHeraldry {legs==4}& {creature=='[@HeraldicCreatureDesigns]'}& On a background of [@HeraldicColours]:<ul><li>& [!{1d3} HeraldicObjects >> implode <li>]& <li>{creature} [@CreatureDepiction{legs}]</ul>

Table: KnightlyTypes Knights of Barrony, where mostly evil robber knights near Shadelport come from Knights of The Empire, currently waging a long civil war around the young tyrant The Crusader knights who battle chaos eruptions in the name of the gods of Law Templar knights, warrior priests who serve the gods in the crusades Knights of Waerlund, the misty mystic Islands where knights and wizards rule together Knights of Dutainia, the Iron Kingdom, who grind the weak and poor under hoof Knights of Volnir, the frozen north kingdoms who wage eternal war against barbarians   Knights of Sindra, the desert kingdom, whose curved swords serve a strange god of law Knights of the lotus-shrouded dragon kingdoms, seeking salvation from desire and slavery Knights of the Cherry Blossom Islands, who fanatically kill and die for their bloody honour code [|Paladins|Holy champions] of a particular [|religion|state|order], on a great quest to destroy evil Obsidian knights, who ride terror birds in the great jungle kingdoms [@SomeStrangeKnights]

Table: SomeStrangeKnights Lizard knights, riding [|raptors|triceratops] from monster island come to challenge man Tako octopi riding flying sea horses have mass migrated to escape evil fish men Faerie knights ride unicorns (women) or stags (men) and hunt with werewolves Doom Knights, servants of the long gone necromancer kings are up to something Rowanac, chaos elf wizard knights who ride dragons, monsters and demons Giant knights ride mammoths and wooly rhinos from the glaciers to kill mankind Mutant Knights, corrupted by chaos into parodies of knighthood Changeling knights, from hidden courts of beast men and nature lords Beast knights from mongrel tribes of beast folk who seve chaos Witch knights, evil magical knights warped by the forces of hell

Table: WhatAreTheseKnightsUpTo Exiles now mercenaries who hope to find a new patron Robber knights have taken over a [|ruined castle|cave] Robber knights on borderland who profit from playing sides against each other On a sacred quest seeking a relic Hunting [|enemies|a criminal] Seek a important person to rescue Off to crusade killing anything they don't like look of on the way Hunting a [|fanciful questing beast|famous monster] Seeking to carve out a territory on lawless frontier Looking for deeds for fame and glory Seek opponent to challenge for the glory Blocking a [|road|bridge] to [|challenge|tax] passers by Seek a traitor who possibly sent them here on wild goose chase [|Cursed|Damned] to complete a doomed quest Fleeing destruction of their lord and now deemed outlaws Defending the common folk who have no justice Seeking [|squires|mercenaries] for an adventure since last ones were all killed Following a leader who has shamefully led them all to tragedy and dishonour Hunting an evil [|magician|priest] raising hell the area Escorting something or someone of great importance

Table: KnightEquipment <li>Ringmail AC+3<li>Spear<li>Shield<li>Sword<li>Helmet<li>Light warhorse <li>Scalemail AC+4<li>Spear<li>Lance<li>Shield<li>Sword<li>Helmet<li>Light warhorse<li>Baggage horse<li>Squire <li>Chainmail AC+5 spear<li>Lance<li>Shield<li>Sword<li>Mace<li>Helmet<li>Medium warhorse<li>Baggage horse<li>Squire <li>Splint Mail AC+6<li>Spear<li>Two lances<li>Shield<li>Sword<li>Mace<li>Helmet<li>Medium warhorse<li>Two baggage horses<li>Squire<li>Courtly outfit<li>Type one kit for squire or spare <li>Plate Mail AC+7<li>Spear<li>Three lances<li>Shield<li>Sword<li>Mace<li>Helmet<li>Medium warhorse<li>Three baggage horses<li>Riding horse<li>Luxury tent<li>Squire<li>Servant<li>Two courtly outfits<li>Type to kit for squire <li>Full Plate AC +8<li>Spear<li>{1d4+1} lances<li>Shield<li>Sword<li>Mace<li>Helmet<li>Light warhorse<li>Two baggage horses<li>Two squires (one young one older)<li>{d4} servants<li>Bard<li>{d4+1} courtly outfits<li>Type three kit for old squire and type one for younger one

//Lady Knights fine in my setting and amazons are pretty common - i guess there could be amazon knights. feel free to change genders and names.

Table: QuickKnightTypes Young Knights Veteran Knights Old Knights Hopeless knights Robber Knights Wicked Knights Foriegn knights Hell Knights Holy Knights Strange Knights

Table: KnightsOfExileIsland Sir Everard a young knight seeking glory and adventure opportunities to make a name Sir Aramor driven from home and his inheritance usurped seeks allies to help him Sir Marat hopes to obtain some peasants and take them to claim frontier land Sir Donal is being hunted by hired killers and cant get home he worries about Sir Alek wants allies so he can attack humanoid villages on the frontier for glory Sir Petar seeks to kill the man who killed his father Sir Seramon looking for his sweetheart who was kidnapped by a wicked hag Sir Fanilek is haunted by a evil spirit and has fled home to spare his family Sir Danor who is secretly a lady in disguise trying to save her family and brother Sir Radiment wants quick cash and experience is looking to join murder hobos for a bit Sir Morngrim seems a gloomy down and out knight but secretly is a spy seeking bandits Sir Ormond is looking for holy relics so gods will forgive his broken vows Sir Dremond has returned from crusade to find everyone he knows is dead from plague Sir Hillary secretly a templar is looking for signs of chaos in the frontier to destroy Sir Lorien seeks elves or faeries to translate family documents for a inheritence Sir Digby likes to drink and fight and likes to join murder hobo companies for fun Sir Lor serves a dark cult and roams seeking suckers he can lure into cult dungeon Sir Villimor looking for goblins who kidnapped a peasant girl Sir Arrant has become a desperate highwayman and hides his heraldry for the shame Sir Kernu is a wild knight who has been impeding hunters and loggers on the frontier Sir Tirion is world weary and seeks a just cause to die for Sir Mardrak seeks magic to restore his youth chasing any story or lead Sir Orlak seeks to start glorious war with humanoids to reignite the flower of manliness Sir Firlion wants glory and fame after years of inglorious courtly administration Sir Wadrak is a chaos agent and wants dupes to release demons trapped in a dungeon Sir Curleon seeks secret decadent vice and inhuman pleasure often joins adventurers Sir Garlan a tired almost broke old knight wants cash but really wants a home Sir Karlid serves a vampire sorceress and lures young heroes to be her victims Sir Glorion throws splendid decadent parties and secretly has links to many cults Sir Kalidad killed his kin and now lurks country trails hoping to join robber knight band Sir Glubfrey seeks young adventurers but really he works for goblins who pay him Sir Arnold distracts travellers with colourful stories while his servants rob them Sir Seran seeks brave warriors to join him because his cult needs them as sacrifices Sir Corgan begs to join parties but he is vain, boastful and a bit of a coward Sir Bendell is a washed up drunk but he joins adventurers to cook tasty monsters Sir Viran brings his werewolf lover with him everywhere that usually ends in tragedy Sir Corman is ill and wants to die fighting, his family will blame his companions Sir Veritous is a hopeless black lotus addict and will do anything to get more Sir Bindle has inferior equipment and hopeless servants but wants to fight monsters Sir Abanathy is insanely greedy and will join explorers but will try to steal treasure Sir Doran leads a band of villains from a ruined keep and charges road tolls Sir Malcombe leads brutal murdering bandits who kill all to keep his good name Sir Toran has kidnapped many ladies to work looms and has ogres guarding them Sir Voran leads bandits but they are also cultists who torment and sacrifice captives Sir Kippel and his robber band have a ruined keep and command a long stretch of road Sir Rendel and his robber band are actually were rats but they usually hide this fact Sir Orzak is a robber and has recruited evil goat men who eat their victims Sir Telran leads a robberknight band from a cave and they worship devils Sir Malarous enjoys robbing with his band and taking hostages to their hidden dungeon Sir Banlan the one eyed leads a band of cut throats and they impale captives for fun Sir Zaran serves a witch who has brought him back from the dead several times Sir Kerab rules a village of cultists off the main roads who worship demonic megaliths Sir Varas rounds up victims by force then tortures confessions from them for treason Sir Korad works with witch hunters egging them on to atrocities while he worships chaos Sir Malekor collects orphans and buys poor children he burns before a altar in a dungeon Sir Vardel kidnaps and spoils maidens then feeds them to his wyvern in his tower Sir Garad recruits commoners to the rebellion then captures and hangs them for rewards Sir Kaldor lures victims into the forest ruled by his spider demon lover Sir Tarump boasts about his deeds but actually works with hobgoblin chiefs in secret Sir Marrus joins travellers and shares poison wine with them from his evil cult Sir Erad is a swarthy strange knight with unusual weapons for a knight on a quest Sir Tremour is a beautiful foreign knight that women harass and keep ruining his life Sir Farziv is a foreign knight with spectacular decorations who is rude and superior Sir Kalimar is a strange foreign knight actually a fishman hybrid seeking sea god relics Sir Utilkar is a exotic feather plumed knight with a obsidian sword on a quest Sir Barbar is huge foreign man with sharpened teeth who collects severed heads Sir Kunlun is a strange foriegn knight with a jade sword and spectacular fighting arts Sir Umbra is a dark skinned warrior from far away with odd customs but very noble Sir Sharmar is a strange knight from far away seeking glory in combat and gold Sir Sir Hazran a knight from distant kingdom seeking prehistoric tomb   Sir Kerull is actually a devil in human form seeking escapee criminals from hell Sir Nimeon herding coffle of chained serfs to sell to raise funds for hell Sir Viran with his men rounding up villagers for treasonously avoiding taxes Sir Raddog with secret police and erinyes devil looking for traitors hiding from law Sir Masterman with cultists looking for host body for devil promising superhuman powers Sir Curmdgen looking for a hellmouth so he can deliver gifts to the dukes of hell Sir Tradmere transporting naked criminals to deposit in hellmouth Sir Mortlen seeking relics of hell sealed away by good long ago in dungeon Sir Varan is actually a shape shifting devil trying to grant wishes four souls of knights Sir Orlok a vampire knight sent by hell to killl those trying to get out of serving hell Sir Armelia a lady paladin seeking evils on backwood roads she has heard of Sir Marlok a fanatic paladin seeks to destroy village of possible chaos cultists in area Sir Tirion the paladin looking to challenge wicked knights and cults on the frontier Sir Zabur hunting ogres on frontier who have preyed on villagers Sir Marmad the paladin hoping to keep the peace on the frontier and preventing wars Sir Cordelia a lady paladin who heals the poor and hunts plague spreading evils Sir Curan a paladin seeking lost relics of good and hopes to destroy evil relics Sir Prendal a paladin intolerant of druidry and non lawful cults who tolerate evil Sir Korthal seeks to burn non lawful good holy places and kill non believers Sir Marel the paladin kept busy rescuing maidens from harm Sir Golan wears suit of decorated plate he never removes because he is a iron golem Sir Boran is actually a revenant with cultist servants who work to kill knights Sir Derleth scours the land seeking rival old ones cults to destroy for his master Hastur Sir Baran roams the land collecting treasure for master is actually a dream emanation Sir Viriam is actually a elf in disguise with druidic disciples as servants on elf quests Sir Orlando is a ancient immortal knight who changes gender occasionally   Sir Mortis is a flesh golem and his servants are really necromantic apprentices Sir Perimore a famous musician and courtly lover but really he drains the life of his mates Sir Grendan the Sea knight is actually a fishman hybrid serving dark sea god cults Sir Vetrin is a imortal seeking a relic so the gods will finally let him die

Table: HeraldicColours a single colour two coloured halves split [|vertically|horizontally] two colours, [|divided into quarters|checkerboard pattern] three colours in [|horizontal|vertical|diagonal] bands four colours divided into quarters

// Sometimes heraldry seems to fit knights character sometimes it is a problem. My friends family coat of arms had three severed negro heads which family rightfully embarrassed by. // Feel to pick something that suits the knight though. Pick a colours that seems to suit the knight. Poses of beasts all have names and a easy way to distinguish between knights // with same beast or you might have two or three of the same beasts on one design.

Table: CreatureDepiction4 head only, facing [|front|left|right] lying down standing on all fours standing on all fours, facing front standing on all fours, one leg raised standing on all fours, one leg raised face front on standing on hind legs, forelegs in air standing on hind legs, looking behind -- two of them, standing on hind legs, facing each other

Table: CreatureDepiction2 head only, facing [|front|left|right] lying down standing, facing [|front|left|right] standing, looking behind -- two of them, standing, facing each other

Table: CreatureDepiction0 head only, facing [|front|left|right] lying down risen up, facing [|front|left|right] risen up, looking behind -- two of them, risen up, facing each other

Table: CreatureDepiction3 \z

Table: HeraldicCreatureDesigns Dog (for loyalty) Cat (for the crafty) Lion (for the brave) Wolf (for the fierce) Deer (for lord of the woods) Boar (for savagery) Bear (for might) Fox (for cunning) Goat (for resilience) Bull (for might) Falcon (for alertness){legs==2} Owl (for wisdom){legs==2} Rooster (for protection){legs==2} Puffin (for fidelity){legs==2} Raven (for cunning){legs==2} Peacock (for splendour){legs==2} Finch (for industry){legs==2} Swan (for beauty){legs==2} Duck (for intuition){legs==2} Eagle (for freedom){legs==2} Beaver (for hard work) Mole (for destiny) Rat (for survival) Otter (for creativity) Weasel (for cunning) Bat (for fearsomeness){legs==2} Shrew (for savagery) Hare (for craftiness) Hedgehog (for protection) Squirrel (for preparation) Snake (for fertility) Toad (for longevity) Frog (for opportunity) Newt (for magic) Turtle (for patience) Crocodile (for devouring) Lizard (for regeneration) Raptor (for ferocity) Triceratops (for defence) Tyrannosaur (for might) Dolphin (for helping){legs==0} Shark (for savagery){legs==0} Pike (for alertness){legs==0} Whale (for might){legs==0} Swordfish (for aggression){legs==0} Barracuda (for warlike){legs==0} Catfish (for longevity){legs==0} Narwhale (for nobility){legs==0} Lobster (for inscrutibility){legs==0} Crab (for determination){legs==0} Octopus (for cunning){legs==0} Basilisk (for lethality) Wyrm (for wisdom) Dragon (for wealth) Wyvern (for determination) Salamander (for invulnerability) Drake (for cunning) Naga (for mystery){legs==0} Amphisbaena (for eternity ){legs==0} Cerastes (for steadfastness (Ram horned snakes)){legs==0} Unicorn (for purity) Yale (for preparation) Cateoplas (for awfulness) Gorgon (for fearsomeness) Peryton (for deception){legs==2} Leucrotta (for duplicity) Manticore (for mean spirited) Chimera (for versatility) Sphynx (for mysterious) Lamia (for attrition ) Ogre (for brutishness){legs==2} Satyr (for fertility){legs==2} Mermaid (for duality){legs==0} Minotaur (for guardianship){legs==2} Goatman (for virility){legs==2} Cyclops (for single minded){legs==2} Centaur (for ambiguity) Giant (for appetite){legs==2} Gigantes (snake legged giants) (for strength){legs==2} Apkallu (fish man sage) (for wisdom){legs==2} Harpy (for revolting){legs==2} Siren (for charming){legs==2} Phoenix (for immortality){legs==2} Cockatrice (for destruction){legs==2} Griffon (for ferocity) Hippogriff (for loyalty) Hippalectryon (half rooster and horse) (for alertness) Stymphalian Birds (for steadfastness){legs==2} Pegasus (for loyalty) Winged snake (for healing){legs==0} Elemental (for magic){legs==0} Hag, [|washing|holding a broom] (for terror).{legs==3}// 3 means no positions Ankou (robed skeleton with lamp and scythe) (for death) Vampire (for eternal hunger){legs==2} Werewolf (for savagery){legs==2} Hellhound (for ferocity) Hellcat (for duplicity) Demon (for evil){legs==2} Devil (for domination){legs==2} Angel (for holiness){legs==2} //Bees, snails, rabbits, eels, kingfisher and anything really depending on climate, local industry and taste

Table: HeraldicObjects Holy symbol Book Grail Scales Eye Sword Axe Mace Severed head Bottle Bunch of grapes Head of wheat Poppy head Flower Tree Apple Hammer Waves Crown Sceptre Spear Horn Harp Drum Skull Armoured knight Candle Lantern Scroll Fish hook Anchor Quill Acorn Mistletoe Turnip Onion Tankard Helmet Bound faggots Burning faggots Noose Coil of rope Pick Spade Wheel Tower Castle Crossbones Open hand Heart Gem Barrel Ship Anvil Flail Cat-o-nine-tails Pitchfork Portcullis Needle and thread Smoking pipe Boot Gauntlet Chest Chain Hourglass Star Ring Key Sausage Mortar and pestle Wheat sheaf Cauldron Beehive Snowflake Teardrop Seashell Fist Bell Oakleaf Pinecone Arrow Crescent Full moon Sun Mountain Volcano Mushroom Treestump Sickle Scythe Shears Comet Jaws Compass Gate Birdcage Shepherds crook Chariot [|Hood|Domino mask] [|Chef's|Papal|Mayoral] hat

[400legends]

New Act in Town Fails to Impress

Special to The New Gilead Tribune

“I was at the bar getting another tankard when I heard the baby speak.” ~ Unnamed eyewitness

If denizens of the Drunken Web are to be believed, there’s a new ventriloquist act in town, and do they need practice! Several people, who claim to have first-hand knowledge of last night’s events, have told this reporter the details.

“I was at the bar getting another tankard when I heard the baby speak,” said one man who refused to reveal his name. “I called out from my shift, didn’t I? Can’t be letting the boss know I wasn’t sick in my bed.” 

He went on to tell us his sensational tale. “Like I said, I was getting another ale when right over my shoulder - close as you’re standing to me now - I hear this baby’s voice. But it weren’t a normal baby voice. I got kids - three of them. Don’t put that in! I don’t want anyone to guess who I am. Anyway, I know what kids are supposed to sound like.”  He leaned forward and held this reporter’s eye. “That baby - couldn’t been more than two - that baby said, like I’m saying to you, “Where do you score the good stuff around here?”

At this point the man slapped his dirty hand to the table and smiled. “So I turn around - ‘cause I’m wondering what sort of idiot is asking Fenny for drugs! And there’s this skinny elf with a baby on her back. Behind her looms this just massive, hulking barbarian. You know the kind, wrists as thick as this table leg. Huge hammer on her back. Now, I’ve been around a few barbar--”

A friend interrupted the man. “Piss off, Mack!” To this reporter he said, “Barbarian my left cheek. She was a tall girl, I’ll give her that. Clothes - and weapons - don’t make the man, right? Er woman. Warrior. You know what I mean! Dress up all you like, but the proving is in the doing. And she didn’t do nothing.”

“That’s part of the act, though!” A dwarven woman slid into a chair at the table. “You writin’ for the paper? I was there. Saw it all. Is there a reward?”

Those three and many more offered up their version of last night’s events. The Tribune’s job is to tell the full story, but as of press time, the two actors were not available for comment. What follows is the best effort of a tireless reporter, bent on the truth.

At approximately 8:20 last night an elf dressed as a cleric (although there are some reports that she was only half elven) with some sort of moveable dummy strapped to her back entered the great room of the Drunken Web. A second person - dressed like a warrior - entered on the first one’s heels.

Seemingly at random the elf approached a group of five humans at a table. She bent low, asked them something and then moved on. She approached another table but they barely looked up from their dice game. Several witnesses say that she then stood near the center of the room for a moment and looked around. She barely glanced at the tall girl at her elbow.

She approached the bar, which was the first time anyone noticed that the dummy was speaking. The bartender, a crowd favorite half-elf called Fenny, waved the elven girl away and went back to pulling tankards of ale. Several of the patrons, hearing the lightly veiled request for drugs, began to chuckle. The girl turned in a circle, and everyone got a good look at the child-sized dummy strapped to her back.

Alleged baby heard saying “It was a sign!”

The dummy seemed to look a tall dwarf in the eye and say, “Do you know where I can get drugs?”

Instead of answering the dwarf roared with laughter. “Clever!” he managed to say between guffaws. “Well done, that!” said another dwarf. “Clever workmanship.”

“What do you mean?” the girl allegedly asked. In the silence everyone clearly heard her say, “The baby really wants some drugs.” When no one responded, she added, “You don’t know the day we’ve had.”  

After an awkward silence the first dwarf began to clap. “Very good! Where’s your show?”

At that point both the girl and the dummy began to speak at the same time. “No fair,” one patron called out. “No fair using magics! Boo! Boo!” Another voice chimed in, “Yeah! A real ventriloquist doesn’t need magic. You some kind of skeezy bard?”

“Everyone just needs to calm down,” the elven girl reportedly yelled while turning in a circle. “Don’t upset Globnar. She didn’t even want to come down, but the baby said she’d buy. And we’d be here all night if she had to crawl on her own.” She paused. “Plus, how would she see over the bar?”

“You see,” the dummy began to talk over the elf girl, “as we approached the city, I looked into the sky and saw a red star winking and at that moment, the town guard said, ‘enlighten.’ It was a sign! I need to be enlightened. And so I knew what I had to do next.”

“I told her it was a bad idea.” The tall warrior woman spoke for the first time. “Usually the baby has good ideas.”

“These hands can hurt just as well as they heal.” ~ unknown elf performer

The growing crowd reportedly laughed. And that’s when things took a turn. The elf turned to the warrior woman and said, “Hold the baby.” A moment later she climbed on the bar and opened her mouth. Before she could speak someone in the crowd yelled, “Save it for the show!”

Onlookers report that the warrior leaned over and put her ear to the dummy’s mouth. After a nod, she straightened up. “Tickets to the show are five copper - what? Uh, I mean five silver, but this preview is by donation.” She bent to the dummy for a moment and then said loudly, “Coin or drugs are acceptable payment.” At that the toddler-sized dummy held out a small bag.

“How do you do that?” Someone in the crowd yelled as a few people shrugged and put a few coins into the bag.

“I’m not doing anything. That’s Arthrysha and that’s Globnar. My name’s Bannick and--”

At that moment the bartender Fenny grabbed the performer known as Bannick by the robe and tried to pull her down.

“Hey now!” the elf girl reportedly said, “these hands can hurt just as well as they heal.”

Above the ensuing din several people heard a voice near the warrior woman say, “My money’s on the cleric! Five gold says the cleric wins!”

More than one person told this reporter that the rush toward the warrior woman was the cause of the riot. One woman said, “When my friend heard that bet, she fairly leaped at that barbarian with her coins in hand. If someone’s going to bet against Fenny, you can be sure us regulars are gonna put up coin. Sure money!”

As people rushed at the warrior, she seemed to panic, dropping her hold on the dummy, which began to tip off the table. The elf performer dove off the bar and crashed into the table, scattering glasses everywhere. The din of breaking glass was the loudest noise in the tavern for a moment.

Popular bartender vows revenge

And then, a bellow came from Fenny. “My beer! What did you do?”

Several people say that as she leaped from the bar, the elf performer’s alleged cleric robe caught one of the taps, pulling it clear of the keg. The geyser of Drunken Web beer might have been the true cause of the riot as patrons close by lunged forward with any available containers to catch the free ale.

It wasn’t until the warrior woman bellowed at the top of her lungs that the two crowds settled down. Although it makes no sense to this reporter, several sources agree that the warrior’s cry was “I can’t think with all you people around!”

That by itself, while odd would not have been alarming, but when she punctuated her words by swinging her war hammer over her head, more than one of the more clear headed patrons ran for the city guard.

Two guards soon waded through the crowd toward the knot of people around the performers. Eyewitnesses swear that the dummy could be seen scooping up coppers and silvers from the floor as more rained down. One source told this reporter, “I haven’t seen a performance like since I left Walkton. You don’t usually get avante garde art like this in the provinces. I look forward to the real show, if this was any indication of their artistic vision. Simply brilliant.”

Another witness rolled his eyes. “My granny peeling potatoes is more entertaining!”

“I don’t know,” a third witness mused. “I don’t think they were playing. I think it was real.”

“If it was real,” her friend countered, “that barbarian woulda smashed everything in sight.”

“But that’s what I mean. It was too strange not to be real. And the guards? They were real! They sure enough cuffed that warrior and took her away. That was real. I know. I was right there. Heard the zip of the cuffs shutting tight.”

Her friend huffed a sigh of disbelief. “Artifice. Smoke and mirrors.”

“Ask the guards, why dontcha!” She turned to this reporter. “Ask the city guards. That weren’t no stage play.”

A spokes-elf for the city guard declined to comment on the incident.

In the end, all that’s left of last night’s happenings is an ale stain on the ceiling, a few bits of broken glass still stuck in the cracks of the floorboards, and one angry bartender. According to sources close to the popular bartender, Fenny is considering hiring a detective to investigate the pair of travelling performers. “No one,” she reportedly said, “trashes my bar and gets away with it.”