#bah idk where I'm even going with this

[ozarlu-seda]

Been mulling over this line from the Matthew Stover book for a while: "I think," Obi-Wan said carefully, "that abstractions like peace don't mean much to him. He's loyal to people, not to principles. And he expects loyalty in return.

I think it's a little bit more complicated than that. Like, even with Sidious he had to slowly be walked into accepting his arguments, that everything Sidious did was in justifications for the greater good. Like, sure, the entire time he could be walking around with alarm bells in his head at the stuff he's doing, but ultimately he needs a cover to believe what he's doing is right. He's not the type of person who can gleefully enact evil for its own sake.

The entire time we see him as Darth Vader, we never really see him truly happy. Maybe he has brief moments of respite or triumph, but ultimately he's miserable, he's not thriving off of the evil he does, but rather sees it as a chore to ensure the proliferation of his ideals.

What I'm trying to say is, Anakin is not merely loyal to people in disregard to ideals. He's loyal to people above ideals, sure, but his loyalty to a person is also contingent on them acting in accordance with shared ideals (loyalty and integrity in the case of Obi-wan and Padme, or adherence to the jedi code and fundamental principles of justice as with Mace) or at least being able to justify their deviation from it as with Palpatine. When a person deviates from those ideals without what he considers sufficient justification (like Obi-wan's refusal to let him help his mother), that's when he turns face.

I think a person's integrity is particularly important to Anakin. He lives in fear and uncertainty, so the thing most important him about a person is that he needs to know what they are about, through and through. When he gets put into a position where people say one thing but do another, like Mace with the Jedi code but being ok with executing Palpatine on the spot or the Jedi helping the Hutts, that's when he gets conflicted and doubtful. And that's partly been Palpatine's strategy in pulling him away from Obi-wan and Padme, by artificially breaking their appearance of integrity to him. I think that's partly why Luke's strategy was particularly effective with him. Cause Luke was consistent to the point of death in his messaging, it gave Anakin the basis to trust Luke's claims beyond even what's been hammered into his head for the last two decades. Palpatine's an outlier in this of course, but Palpatine's so good with his messaging and manipulation, that ultimately, Vader can't get ahold of the logical footing needed to conclusively call out his bullshit.

So ultimately, I guess what I'm saying is that it's not so much that Anakin doesn’t care about ideals, it's that his understanding of them is so surface level that he ultimately needs them to be rooted in a person to help him navigate the nuances of following them. Thus, he's beholden to people more than ideals because ideals are not tangible and accessible to him without the filter of a person. In turn, he then requires the people who filter these ideas for him to be unwaveringly consistent, or at least able to appear so in a way that does not trip up all his worst anxieties about abandonnent, loss, and indeed, being coerced (the important thing about this last point is that he's needs to not feel coerced because he doesn’t have language and training to spot actual coercion).

I'm not wholly satisfied with this explanation and think there's more to pick at here that I will need to come back to, but yeah. This is my take on his apparent flip flopping of ideology. I think, in his head, ultimately he's not. It's just that what those things mean to him and how they translate to real life is heavily dependent on who he's using as a filter. At the heart of it, I think he just doesn’t have enough faith in his own interpretations on his ideals to not be easily swayed by the next most convincing argument. Grooming will do that to you, I guess.

[exhaslo]

OMG HI I HOPE YOUR DAY WAS GOOD

i was thinking of a whole thing where miguel is constantly tortured by spiderwoman reader because yk his heightened senses he vould literally smell like her natural scent + perfume and it hinders his performance as spiderman so lets say like one day he’s at a breaking point and readee is just naturally a little bratty because its their personality but that day it was yk that horny week before the period so she like REEKED OF SEX bc she had some solo time before getting to the society so she goes to a mission or something and her perfume was just gone because she smelled like herself and she was teasing miguel, so like miguel decides to put her in her place by literally fucking them to submission and possibly score a date after

IDK JUST A THOUGHT OKK BYEEE HOPE THIS ISNT TOO MUCH

I love these feral like Miguel moments. Boy can freaking do so much more than the regular Spiderman that I just CRAVE for him to be real. Cries.

Warning: Minors DNI, Smut, feral Miguel, creampie, oral, size kink, rough sex, dirty talk

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a mistake to bring you here.

You were a temptress, a tormentor to Miguel. Ever since he brought you to the Spider Society, you've done nothing but torture the poor man. You naturally smelled like sex. It was so intoxicating, especially since Miguel had heighten senses.

While everyone else treated you normal, Miguel couldn't help but have to avoid you. Your scent just brought out a side of him he wasn't sure he liked. A side that felt so animalistic. Miguel was worried that he had to run tests on himself due to his half Spider DNA.

"Miguel! You can't keep yourself locked in here forever! People will believe those vampire rumors." Peter yelled out. Miguel ignored him,

"I can and I will," He mumbled to himself.

"Bah! Oh! (Y/N), hey! Have I shown you my new pictures of-"

Miguel instantly froze the moment you entered his office. He tuned Peter out and groaned at the scent of you. This was difficult. You were even wearing a sweet perfume to try and cover your arousing scent, but Miguel could still smell it. He could still smell you.

"Miguel, I wanted to ask-"

"Whatever it is, fine." Miguel spat, clenching onto his work desk.

"But I didn't even-"

"Yes! Whatever it is, yes! Just...both of you, leave NOW!" Miguel hissed. Peter raised his hands up in defense,

"I think he's hangry."

"Mhm," You nodded in response and slowly left, "Well, thank you, Miguel. I'm looking forward to working with you on your next mission!" You said with a chirp.

Miguel immediately paled as he snapped his head towards where you had just left. His desperation for you leaving had just signed him up for a whole mission with you? Oh, there was no way he could survive. This sexual frustration he was having from you scent was not going to end well for him.

--------

"Geez, Miguel, even I could take down my Rhino faster than you arrived." You said with a snobby huff.

Miguel rolled his eyes as he approached you with a separate mask on. You raised a brow, wondering if he was sick, but before you could ask a portal was opened. Miguel activated his normal mask and jumped in ahead of you.

"Sooooo, are you like...sick or something?" You asked as you entered the new dimension.

"Sure,"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then, can you say more than one word without yelling?" You grumbled, swinging in front of Miguel now.

"Watch your six."

Miguel was doing his best to avoid you. He even wore a second mask to try and block out your scent, but it wasn't working. This was painful. You didn't deserve this treatment from him. Miguel knew that, but what could he do? How could he tell you that your natural scent was making him horny?

"Miguel! Behind you!" You called out.

Miguel raised his head and tensed as you tackled him. His head right in between your breasts as the two of you landed against the fire escape outside a building. He cussed lowly, wishing that he had Spider Senses like the others.

"Are you okay? You seemed distracted today," You asked, placing your palm on his forehead, "No fever."

"I-I'm fine. Let's...get that anomaly." Miguel groaned.

Your scent was all over his mask now. Miguel couldn't breathe without inhaling you. Feeling his vision blur, Miguel almost reached out to grab you. He felt relieved as you quickly rushed towards the anomaly. Unable to stop his shaking body, Miguel tried to pull himself together.

"Lyla, I need to find a solution to this," Miguel hissed lowly, taking his mask off to breathe fresh air.

Lyla appeared before him, "I can think of one way." She hummed.

"Do it."

----------

Miguel was groaning in his office, threatening to do something inappropriate. You were nearly all over Miguel once you caught the anomaly, bugging him about how he was doing and whatnot. You were so clueless and annoying because you had no idea how good you smelled to him.

"So, Lyla told me that you got a problem. Said that I'm the only one who could help. Lucky me," You said with a wide grin.

A shiver ran down Miguel's spine the moment you walked in. Your scent was overwhelming! Not even your perfume could cover the fact of what you did. Feeling his vision blur again, Miguel tried not to breathe. Your arousal was stronger than before.

"You're only making it worse," Miguel groaned, leaning over his platform with sweat rolling down his forehead.

He needed you.

"Making it worse?! You're the one who went on a mission sick. Unbelievable."

"Leave....now," Miguel begged.

He wanted you.

"Lyla told me that I can help. So I'm here to help. I'm not leaving because you're in a bad mood."

"I'm telling you to leave for your fucking sake!" Miguel growled as he started to approach you, "I can't stop myself any longer if you continue to stay."

"Is that supposed to be a threat? I'm not sca-"

Miguel grabbed your arms, pushing you against the wall as he stole a kiss from you. Lifting you up, Miguel held you in place with his hips. Your scent was driving him crazy. His hands were roaming your body as your scent got stronger.

"(Y/N)"

You on the other hand, gasped in surprise. This was not the kind of problem you were expecting, but hell, you weren't going to deny it. Shit, everyone wanted a chance with Miguel, even you. Eyes widening as Miguel started to grinding against you, you whimpered lowly,

"So...any reason...why I'm your problem?"

"Your scent," Miguel hissed as he ripped apart your suit.

"Hey! I spent hours-"

"I'll buy you a new one! Just stop talking." Miguel lifted you up higher, your legs now wrapped around his head, "Your fucking scent drives me insane. I can smell you everywhere."

"Huh?!" You gasped and cried out as Miguel licked your cunt, "H-Hey, a-at least ask me out first!"

"You masturbated right before entering my office on purpose, didn't you?" Miguel swirled his tongue around your clit, listening to your moans, "Always torturing me."

"O-Oh~ R-Right t-there~" You gasped, attempting to arch your back, "Y-You were...ah~ mhm~ a-able to smell me?"

"You even taste as sweet as you smell,"

Miguel ignored your comments as he kept feasting. You gripped onto his hair, moaning and crying out as Miguel's tongue ravished your poor cunt. You gasped, shaking as you felt your orgasm fast approaching. Miguel only took this as a sign to go faster.

Circling his tongue inside your pussy, Miguel groaned, finally getting a taste of you. Finally shutting you up. He brought you to his desk, clearing it off and laying you down. Once you cam against his face, Miguel licked his lips as he pressed his cock against your folds.

"M-Miguel....wait..."

"After cumming like that? After coming in here so horny? I'm not waiting anymore, (Y/N)."

You arched your back, crying out as you felt Miguel's dick stretch your walls. You tried to reach for him, but Miguel just grabbed your hand and licked it in response. His pupils were blown and he looked like a starved man. You were not leaving this room the same way you came in.

"Fuck, look at you, taking me in so well. Such a slutty pussy just for me. You like having my fat cock inside you, huh?"

"D-Don't be...mhm...t-to mean," You whimpered, feeling his tip poke your cervix. Miguel just chuckled as he started to slap his hips inside you,

"Your body is telling me otherwise. A small little thing like you is the perfect accessory for my cock. Tell me that you've been wanting this. My cock pounding the life out of your cunt."

"I-I won't let you win this. Y-You've totally been...ah~ ah~ w-wanting, hah~ m-me." Your moans were getting louder as you tried to win this silly little competition with Miguel.

"Fuck, that's right. Cum against my cock. Let your pussy drip all over my desk."

"Hah~ Ah~ M-Mig...R-Right t-there! Mhm~" You cried out, reaching another orgasm. Miguel clenched his jaw as you tighten around his aching cock,

"Good girl. Finally behaving." Miguel was losing his cool, falling into lust, "Let me reward you, yea?"

"Mhm~"

You flung your head back, crying out and moaning as Miguel kept thrusting into you, not giving you a chance to rest. A shiver ran up your spine as his grip against your waist tighten while his thrusts grew rougher and faster.

Your eyes nearly rolled back as you felt a hot wave fill you. Unable to even think of what had happened, you kept your whines as Miguel kept his unresting pace.

"(Y/N), don't let other people smell you," Miguel whispered into your neck.

"Y-You're...mhm....ah~" You tried to argue, wanting to tell him that he was the only weirdo.

It was a lost cause to tell him anything that night.

---------

"Keep looking guilty," You huffed, glaring towards Miguel as he worked on a new suit for you, "Hours. I spent hours sewing that suit."

"And I gave you hours of pleasure."

"You gave me buckets load of cum and orgasms. I still can't feel my legs."

"Again, I apologize, it seems as if your scent taps into my other half of DNA. I understand if-"

"I want a date! I'm owed a date!" You said childishly, "Oh! And that suit you're making! I want both!"

"Such a brat."

"Huh?! Who's the one who couldn't hold it in??!"

"Who's the one who masturbated before entering my office?!" Miguel huffed, hovering over you again, "Don't make me shut you up again."

"Then that's two dates."

"Deal."

It ended up being three dates that he owed you.

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I hope you enjoyed!!!

@tojishugetiddies

[y-rhywbeth2]

Something I love about BG1+2 is how it simultaneously plays and subverts the demigod/chosen one narrative (which continues in BG3, except with only the subversion. (And Halsin is not joking when Durge tells him what they are: Do NOT advertise that you're a Bhaalspawn.))

I've always been fond of the set up in Saradush in ToB, where the surviving children of Bhaal are being corralled into the besieged city under promise of protection against the entire world - because basically literally the entire world is trying to kill the Bhaalspawn: Your more powerful siblings want you dead; your mortal neighbours, and likely your nation itself either thinks you're inherently evil and are ready to kill you, or you represent such a threat that they're ready to drive you out and/or kill you just in case. Case in point: the aforementioned siege outside the city walls with the army that wants you dead currently raining giant flaming rocks of death over your head.

Some of these guys have no idea what they are, or what's happening, until attempted murder happens.

Like this discussion with one of your random brothers, a guy called Alexander:

Alexander: "You don't look like one of the locals. Are you a child of Bhaal as well, lured here like the rest of us to face our inevitable end?" Charname: "As well? What do you mean?" Alexander: "I myself am one of Bhaal's progeny - or so I've been told. I guess Bhaal's blood runs thicker in some of his children than in others." Sarevok: "By your snivelling manners, I would say Bhaal's blood runs very thin indeed in your veins. Bah-why do I even waste my breath tormenting this cowering cur?" Alexander: "Uh... is there anything else I can help you with?" Charname: "How did you get here exactly?" Alexander: "I wasn't brought here by Melissan, like some of the others. My home village was burned to the ground by a dragon who claimed to be hunting me. My friends... my family... they threatened to give me to the dragon if I didn't leave. So I did. And I heard a lot of other Bhaalspawn were coming here. *sigh* Now I almost wish I hadn't come."

Spoiler alert: He dies. Every single Bhaalspawn in that city dies*, along with everybody except a handful of commoners (*except maybe Viekang, who was not particularly inclined to murder me, so Murder in Baldur's Gate is weird.)

You, a simple peasant from a farming village one day come of age and learn that your absent father was a god, and you are forced to flee forces that are trying to kill you (in this case, your much more powerful half-brother)... it sounds like the start to some kind of fantasy epic, but instead of any fancy destiny you end up in a war torn city surrounded by castoff divine bastards just like you, terrified and unwanted, and then you die, and are forgotten.

And that's what being a Bhaalspawn is!

Whatever grand lies Bhaal tells you in your dreams about how you're special and great power awaits you (if you behave and do his will), your job is: sow death, faith, fear and chaos wherever you roam, strengthen Bhaal's power, and then be a good child and die for Father. No exceptions, save perhaps one, who is explicitly a special prophecy child, and even then is supposed to be doomed by future FR canon because they're still Bhaal's "pawn". There's also Imoen, who might be spared simply by proximity to said prophecy child keeping her alive. Non-game "canon" screwed her over hard. (FR canon and I have a complicated relationship, it must be said. All copies of those books are to be ritualistically burned.)

idk where I'm going with this, I just love how bleak the situation in the city is. No grand destinies, only a discardable pawn to be used, abused and consumed.

...And also that part where Tethyr sends an army to kill you because obviously you are guilty of "crimes against [Tethyr] and, indeed, all of humanity!" by supposedly killing a whole city: They admit they can't prove it, but you're a child of murder, you were born guilty even if you didn't actively do anything.

No, really:

General Jamis Tombelthen: "You are guilty, [Charname]. Of this there is no doubt. And we will not risk your further endangerment of us all. You are a spawn of Bhaal and responsible for the destruction of the city of Saradush*. Your execution has been ordered, [Charname]. May the gods have mercy on your soul."

* I implore you to move with great urgency to intercept the Bhaalspawn before they can do any more damage. Whether or not they are responsible for what occurred in Saradush, we cannot allow them to continue and cannot afford the time for trial... - Tombelthen's orders, courtesy of the Queen of Tethyr

[dazzelmethat]

idk where I'm even going in my art these days. Have a 2024 Renoir vs a 2016 one.

I didn't spend as much time as I could with the recent one cuz I'm still recovering it feels. Mainly did the redraw for fun. BAH!

[nerves-nebula]

Everyday I curse myself for not being more obsessed with architecture and having the patience to draw massive illustrations. Fucking western architecture is showcased waaaay too often I need to make people aware of the beauty of Islamic architecture, I need to communicate the feelings I felt visiting mosques (the good ones, not those architectural nightmares that call themselves mosques up here in the west) in my youth, I'm not even Muslim anymore (me and the concept of god don't get along) but I need people to understand!!!! How fucking majestic it all is!!!! Churches? Bah! They have nothing on the mosques I have seen. You dont understand the beauty of the Universe until you walk through massive doors carved with such care onto a courtward that you barely see the end of, standing barefoot on multiple football fields worth of soft carpet, staring up at the night sky as you see stars! Feeling as if you're falling into the Universe, people bustling around you, soft lights and water fountains for washing up for prayer and ough!!!!!!!!!!!! I think visiting those places back when I was young and autistic about space probably also had an effect on me. Anyway this is why I like it when other ISAT fans go "what if siffrin was arabic (Middle Eastern? Idk we're not a monolith, but we do share things), actually?" in their fan works. Space.

we looked at a lot of islamic architecture in my art history classes and boy. what i wouldn't give to be in those buildings. to LIVE in those buildings, though I'd hate to ruin them with all my stuff. i've often wanted to draw inspiration from them but i'm like, kind of ignorant lol, and idk where to start. i can barely even draw the most basic of western architecture without getting annoyed heff. but still. i 100% agree. shit is breathtaking.

[the-rolls-on-black]

I'm rambling a lot under the cut about potionomics self insert stuff

I've been trying to keep a more consistent look to my self inserts just so u can be able to point at it and be like hey! It's ashe!

(Because previously I was just doing pink girl and boy blue duos, which was fun! I got to indulge a lot with my masc side! But also not so fun for me story wise haha.)

But I also don't want to reuse themes/ideas! And while I think a princess vibe would go swimmingly with the loan shark vibe of Finn (think.. mafia princess!), it's also like.! Boo, I've already used the princess idea for UTMV bc my main f/o over there is very princely.

The bangs over the eyes is a must, always. And I want to incorporate the bow somewhere too! I don't know if I want to tackle the doll theme onto this one, as my previous two self inserts have been dolls. For the aesthetics, but it's also been like a vent kinda thing where I don't feel like a person?? Not sure. But it felt right. I might not tack it onto this one though.

I'm thinking still of doing something fairytale related because that's my jam! It's been my interest ever since I was little <3 I also gotta fit in with the game's design/overall aesthetic.

I got the physical boxset, so I have the artbook, which is great! I can look thru it for inspo/help.

So..I've already discussed with my partner about my self insert being a baker + bookseller / witch who puts spells on her foods. So there'd be witch + baker theme.

My heart really wants to say go for a red riding hood theme! It's fairytale inspired, and we can throw a basket into the silhouette! The cloak/robe/hood can fit the witch silhouette too perhaps?? I feel like the fairytale vibe also adds into the magical/witch aspect at least a little bit.

At least in pairing with Finn, I think it makes sense, theme wise? He's the big bad 'wolf' to my self insert's little red. Can easily also make him the lumberjack too that saves the day, mix both of them into one.. ah, I'd have to think about it more.

I can also have it where my self insert is a nature witch, and grows most of her ingredients in her garden, they're just tricky. Golden and rotten apples, whichever else. And the ingredients is what causes the food to be of no actual substance?

Do i continue on with the fairytale curse idea? My UTMV self insert is a doll that wants to be human, and she must find true love to do that. Very little mermaid and princess tutu esque inspired, I'm not sure if I should go with that for potionomics. It's fun! I love the trope, I'm a big fan of the older Disney princesses haha. And it wouldn't be out of the question in the universe. I could do the Ole "little red is a wolf too" type thing, and she's been given a human form for a certain amount of time so she can find true love. But then comes the time restraint.. and why is she able to open up/work at a shop during that time? It would work into the nature witch thing at least. BAH.

I'm thinking giving her a long braid that way I can still add the bow at the end without the top part of her design being too cluttered. I can also say this is rapunzel/tangled inspo! But I'm mostly pulling from raiden here bc I'd like to do the glowing hair thing for funsies!

And also for suresies a heart locket somewhere, even if it's not explicitly in the design... it's a must!

Gosh this isn't even including the already set world building the game has. Maybe Maven is the one who cursed her ???? Taking a wolf and turning her human to make her an unwilling servant as a way to selfishly fulfill her wish?? Maven could keep her human, but cursed her to where she would return back to her wolf form if she dared to leave Maven. And now that Maven is "gone", she must find true love to keep her form permanent. GOSH idk, it doesn't really fit the timeline. 😭😭😭😭☹️ I'm sure I'll come up with something.

Ok... I did in fact ramble a lot. Woopsie

[bitchin-witchin]

You know I myself talk about and see often discussion of foul legacy as a separate entity with its own conscience that's invaded-- infected/whatever variant of that you want-- him. Usually childes control is written to fail in face of the abyss' influence, but what if inhabiting each other has resulted them becoming so entwined that they are one in the same. The tell between where one begins and the other ends gradually becomes impossible for them to find. Ajax, childe, tartaglia is foul legacy just as much as foul legacy is him. Go beyond the mental even. Their physical forms begin to merge into each other.

Thought about this bc of mecha content where the pilots and mechs mesh from being linked for so long.

I do love foul legacy as not something conscious or having freewill though. Like some sort transformstion learned through abandoned magic arts or something idk. Could still be a parasite if you wanted too. Giving its host a power up to ensure is survival and propagation hdhfnf. BAH it's just so fun to think about the different directions you could take it. I've just never thought of the meshing idea with this like mecha perspective where it becomes gradual and is also kind of like mutual? Like it's a result of wanting to understand each other better or become stronger together, then u end up just blending into the same guy :3 so I'm sure it's nothing new and plenty of people have thought about it xD. Which if u have tho plsss feel free to add ur ideas and such to this post I'd love to hear about it :3

[wickedmoonlite]

KinnPorsche Rewatch 2023

Reminder: as we go into heavier topics in KP (dub-con/non-con, toxic behaviors, etc.), I will not be doing deep dives. I’m planning on taking this just below surface value as these are literally thoughts I have in the moment as I’m watching. Thank you.

Episode 9 Random Thoughts

I just never trusted Tawan, even in my first watch through. I felt bad for him, but that was about it.

I really do wonder who poisoned him, though. Seems like a Ken thing maybe? Since he's a double agent and all? I dunno.

Once again, Tankhun has the best instincts of them all. Never trust the sketchy ex, boys. And also Big knowing not to trust him, either. I get why they didn't just throw him out, but he shoulda just gotten tossed :')

It's literally the minor family. It's always the minor family. Gun has a complex, remember?

My dumbass feral cat boy getting worn down by the cute boy he was gathering info on. Inspiration for the singer-songwriter.

Arm is the only one taking note of the relationship that's right in front of their damn eyes.

Yes, but Pete, you and Vegas are destined to be together. Just go and spy on them. Do it.

Is Tawan trying to lure Kinn in by showing skin with muscle tees? And piss off Porsche at the same time? I don't get the obsession with cutting his shirts lower each time you see him.

What kind of workout is Tawan doing? Wtf?

Yok knows everything, Porsche.

Porsche dancing around in his tighty whiteys is such a mood. Also the song is a banger, tbh.

"Hey Porsche, why is your leg so long today?" Drunk Pete yelling out Korean phrases. This entire scene is something else. Then they just fuck on the couch anyway.

Vegas always knows when Pete follows him. Idk why Kinn keeps sending him to watch them, other than ✨plot devices.✨

Pete getting the stirrings from Vegas putting his hand on his back and the looks he gives. Yeeees.

Oh, Porsche. Not good. Very bad. No spying allowed.

Arm knows better, P.

Why is Tawan, like, constantly in the shower or the bath? Especially when Kinn comes to visit.

Vegas why are you putting your pants legs in the water??? Bruh.

But you and your family are doing things though Vegas??

Oh my god, I hate this scene where Tawan just puts his head in Kinn's lap. Like, please, my dude. Could you be less subtle? All the while, he's fuckin around with Vegas. I just don't like how manipulative it all is. Is no bueno.

Porsche for the love of god. Why you do this? Trust issues all around, bah. I know he was doing it for the right reasons, since he didn't trust Tawan from the beginning (for good reason)... Many thoughts about this whole situation.

I love how cute and nervous Chay is here :') confessing to his crush and Kim says yeah I like you too, I'm just dumb with feelings, here's a cheek kiss, thanks for the gift. Ugh. Too cute, too cute.

I can't imagine all the thoughts rolling around in Porsche's mind. Tawan is consistently showing him what he's actually doing there but he's not showing it to anyone else (except for those that are reading between the lines like Tankhun, Arm, Pete, and Big), least of all Kinn. He's being sickly sweet to Kinn. It's all so manipulative. But that's exactly how the minor family needs it to be. Sowing the seeds of distrust and chaos is the entire point of Tawan being involved in the first place.

And once again, Tankhun has it right.

Convenient Vegas is convenient.

So now I'm finally properly caught up! Yay me. I think these posts peaked at episode 6 because it really is my favorite, but I'm going to keep going because there's so much more to come and it's fun putting my stupid thoughts on the internet.

Episode 10 next 😭 we're close to the end now.

[morganmerylhodgepodge]

Wanted to be fair to "The Devil in Me" but the amount of people I've seen play this or review it mentioning it added "real gameplay" makes me hate it.

People already didn't take choice games seriously, and this isn't helping. This game doesnt even do anything memorable with its new mechanics either. It just feels like they shoehorned a bunch of stuff in that could have easily been just cutscenes.

SPOILER ALERT: why is, for instance Erin's inhaler an equippable inventory item? If she stays alive throughout the whole story she uses it like 3 or 4 times. You'd think this would be an opportunity to save your uses for it, and that you'd need to think carefully in a bunch of optional scenarios on whether to use it or not. Nope. There's not even an element of that in the suffocation chamber.

Or what about Mark's monopod? He uses it literally like 2 or 3 times. Why did that need to be an equippable item? You could have just had him whip it out in those scenes as a cut scene automatically.

If you really wanted to have complex and interesting inventory items maybe you should give the items you do get more utility.

Or maybe you can do what the Give Yourself Goosebumps book "One Night in Payne House" did, or to a very minor extent the other Dark Pictures game "House of Ashes" did and have optional inventory items at the beginning that you have to decide whether or not to bring ahead of time without knowing what's going to happen? Idk just something to justify why it's there. The only things that get regular use are the characters flashlights/equivalents. You don't need a whole inventory for that.

Or what about Mark's fear of heights? Why make that an explicit thing if there wasn't a prominent optional death scene where he can fall off of something to his death? Instead Jamie of all people gets a big fall.

In general too the characters feel kind of boring. I loved that there were lesbians and Charlie wasn't a bad character but it feels like these characters are missing a proper introduction to make me care about them. Which none of the other Supermassive Games were lacking. It almost feels like the inventory was just a bandaid to fix a weirdly disjointed story with flat characters.

And I only say inventory because even though new movement options were presented as new mechanics, for the most part they don't feel terribly new or innovative from previous games. Maybe they wanted the characters to take a lot longer to move through the environments because they were really proud of those. They are really lovely. I think they look great.

I don't want to be mean. There are things I really like about the game. For instance, even though the main characters don't get a good introduction before stuff starts, I do like the opening kill scene. These are always really interesting and this one was no exception. I love seeing the Edwardian Era stuff. I wish there was a whole game set there. I also remember similarly wishing the 1970s was the time period of the entirety of Little Hope.

Idk... it just feels sometimes like I'm a cheerleader for a genre that at times is underappreciated.

I just wish people would respect choice games AS games rather than saying theyre just movies or because they tell stories they're boring. That they need more bells and whistles to be legitimate. Choice is a mechanic too. My favourite mechanic. These are some of my favourite games and yet to so many people they aren't "real."

Bah.

[dzpenumbra]

6/5/23

I have a doctor's appointment at 1 PM tomorrow, so I kinda have to do this quick. It's just a physical, hopefully nothing comes of it. I honestly don't really know whether it's worth bringing up mental health shit with them, which seems to be the big issue right now.

I was a bit frustrated this morning, waking up. This whole... no one being able to help me thing. Since I was very young, I had my mom taking me to doctors to figure out what's wrong with me. And, somehow... there was never really an answer... hmm... weird, right? See, in my experience of life, this was very normal. I never questioned the idea of being ferried across state lines as a teenager for scans and procedures and shit as being... abnormal. Even though... it didn't happen to anyone else I knew... even my own brothers... It just never really occurred for me to question that, you know?

That's the insidious part about really difficult things - I don't really know how to word that, honestly... I'm struggling with accurate phrasing. I guess trauma? But like... family shit? And just... environmental shit, you know? Like... how I was talking about how people respond to a cat wanting to play by assuming the cat is being "a dick" or "angry" or something, because they were taught that's what it means, and then shutting it out of the bedroom permanently. You get used to that, it becomes normalized, and you just... never question it. When a cat attacks you, that's what's happening. You already have the answer to that, there's no need to question it.

So... like... me going to doctors is hard. Because there's a really long history there. But also, what I was wrestling with this morning... being told "we can't help you" is super hard. Like... point me in the fucking direction of someone who can, do something! I can't even count how many times I was just told "sorry, can't help you, good luck" and sent off to kick fucking rocks. Doctors. Therapists. "Life Coaches". Vocational Rehabilitation. All the same.

So... again, not sure if it's worth even mentioning that I've really been struggling with anxiety and depression... and PTSD... and grief... and, to be blunt... since I've been shying away from the word a lot lately... agoraphobia. There is definitely phobia attached to me not leaving my apartment, that's indisputable. My therapist and I are addressing all of it, but the plan is... insanely slow-moving, and kinda feels like... Okay. The plan is basically, as far as I can tell, to teach me some skills to try to repair my own self-confidence and self-esteem, and to maintain them properly... so that I can... Get out there and start from scratch. Meet friends, make professional connections, live life. How to do that? Where to go? Who to meet? No fucking clue. Just gonna sit here in my apartment and keep making art and chant to myself nice positive things 5 times a day until I finally get a giant spike of confidence, then I'll... be talked out of going to do something to move my life forward because it might overwhelm me.

Bah. Idk. See, all this over the simple thought: "should I bring up my mental health struggles with my doctor?" The only way he can help is meds and honestly? I do not want to be walking back from the pharmacy through a... what I consider a bad neighborhood... with a fucking controlled substance in my pocket. And I really don't think they're gonna let anyone deliver that shit to my door. And honestly, with how hard it was to get off these things, I really don't feel comfortable voluntarily getting back on them. I don't know, I flip-flop on the idea a lot.

I had this issue with meds when I was on them... the idea of missing a dose or not being able to get a prescription refilled - which happened way too often for comfort - ended up creating more anxiety and stress than not having them. By that I mean... the meds helped reduce how much of that everyday stress and anxiety I felt, but what they don't tell you is that just because you don't feel anxiety and stress, doesn't mean you're not experiencing it. Just because you're anesthetized doesn't mean your body isn't registering pain or damage caused from that, and it still takes a toll. So... I still experienced the everyday stress and anxiety, and the added stress and anxiety of med-related problems. "Did I take my meds?" "Did I miss a dose?" "Did I double-dose accidentally?" "Am I going to have to go into withdrawal because this pharmacy refuses to refill this prescription for whatever reason?" Shit like that.

So yeah. I guess I'm just trying to sort out whether it's even worth bringing up. Because I know for a fact that if I talk to the guy about this the way I'm talking right now? My real voice. The entire appointment will be about that, because I go on forever, and I likely won't leave with anything. That's why I usually let them take the lead and just answer whatever questions they have, unless it's like... urgent.

That said... if I can get prescriptions delivered? I'll have that conversation. It just seems unlikely to me that that's a thing.

Okay... here's thing of the day number 2. I got downstairs today and found my tomato plant... collapsed. It broke my heart. It was like... flopped over at a 90 degree angle. I was on the verge of tears, honestly. I have no idea what happened. It was very cold last night, and... I'm guessing windy? And I watered it last night... And then I wake up and the whole thing is collapsed. The main stem was bent, but not broken... So I scoured the apartment for something to use as a stake. I ended up settling on a plastic coat hanger, which I cut the big long straight section out of, and loosely tied the plant to the stake. And... it actually seems to have stood itself back up over the course of the day. I legit don't know if it's going to survive, but... I think it might! But god did that scare the shit out of me. Poor thing. I remember back when I had a legit raised bed garden and tons of tomato plants (my first garden, which I completely got myself in over my head with...) I had a ton of trellises that I used for the tomatoes. This kit that my brother got me, it's a cherry tomato plant, but it's grown in a big glass jar full of soil. They never once mentioned any kind of stake or trellis needed for this. Now... I'm debating getting something for the chili too. Just to be... proactive.

The good news that goes with that? And why I was so devastated... The tomato sprouted its first flower buds, they're still very very tiny but if the plant recovers well... the flowers should start before too long! And the philodendron cuttings are doing really well. Two of them are almost ready to be planted. I'm just debating whether I want to plant them separately or have them share the same pot. I'm guessing separately makes the most sense. My blackberry seeds have not germinated... unfortunately... I don't know if they still need time or not... but hell, it doesn't hurt to just give it time. So I'm thinking of just giving them another week or something and then if they still haven't sprouted, I'll toss some basil starters in there and get that going.

I'm very excited about being a plant-father. I did do the whole outdoor garden thing one summer with my ex (it was basically just me, tbh), but that felt much more... hands-off. I kinda just let them do their thing, and they did great, even got a bunch of watermelons out of the deal! ... Actually, now that I think about it, I think it was 2 summers. There was... lettuce, onions?, green beans, jalapenos, and a bunch of tomatoes the first year... no, it was broccoli, not onions. But the broccoli, idk what happened, I think bugs got to it. The second year I think was more lettuce, strawberries, cucumbers and watermelons. Hard to remember, it was a while ago.

I am much more... attentive to my plants now, I know them much better. And that is a very two-sided feeling. I love the adventure of getting really passionate about something new and diving into it - it's a huge part of my life, something I am constantly trying to do, always try new things, always learn, always grow - but the older I get, the more I feel that whole... beginner's shame thing. The clumsiness. Making avoidable mistakes. I felt so much more... immune to it when I was younger. Now... it's weird, it feels like a social expectation that if you're an adult, you aren't going to make beginner mistakes... at anything. My family is absolutely an extreme example of that, but I really do think it can just be put onto people by society. Like... I remember at the bagel shop I worked at... If a teenager fucked up, it was kinda expected. If someone over 40 fucked up? Like a simple mistake? It always felt like... "hey man, you should know better." And honestly, that's kinda bullshit on both sides. Don't assume that young people are inept. And engage with them if they make mistakes so that they can learn what happened and how to course correct. Don't just go, "ugh, dumb kid, I'll go fix your mistake, get out of my way." And with older people, don't just get mad if someone is new at something. You can't just magically know how to do things, this isn't the fucking Matrix.

Anyway, just mentioning that because I kinda felt that when the plant fell today. I just... I know it was just a fluke thing, but I kinda blamed myself. Like I should've known better. And I have been a bit reserved about propagating the succulents in fear that I might... "fuck up"... due to inexperience. But, thankfully, that feeling was actually motivating for me. I need to fuck up. I need to fuck up and see that it really is not the end of the world, and learn from that, and move forward. It's so goddamn important to do that. Not to be blind about it, or arrogant about it... like... don't go too far in that impulsive direction... but I need to push forward out of my whole "play it super safe" shit. It is the anti-anxiety. It's me being super scared and saying fuck it and dropping in on a quarterpipe when I haven't done that in over 14 years. I need that. Mini leaps of faith. They are so good for confidence. I just need to be okay with the fact that sometimes, I'm gonna fall, and that's okay. That's why we learn how to fall safely.

It's getting late, tarot time.

Past - XII: The Hanged One, inverted (Opportunity for new perspective, evolution through stillness and stagnation, evolution through sacrifice or loss. The interconnectedness of perspective and sacrifice, and the need to act on them for substantial change. Let go.) Present - XXI: The World, inverted (Dreams and passions being rewarded.  Newfound success.  Reaping what you have sown.) Future - VIII: Strength, inverted (Overcoming fear, mastery of emotions through equilibrium and inner strength.)

Another three inverted cards... XD Yay!!! This time, all Major Arcana cards. Let's dive in, this one doesn't seem... too complicated, at first glance.

The start of the thread is... a blockage or disorder/dysfunction in... finding a new perspective? Maybe being stuck in loss, or stillness? I was going to look for more guidance from other sources on this, but I'm just going to try to work it out myself. The concept of the Hanged One is... as far as I recall... at least in part a reference to a story about Odin, hanging himself upside-down from a great tree in order to... gain great insight and wisdom. It's a literal sacrifice made to elicit a metaphoric transformation, and a shift of perspective. A new way of seeing the world. One of great sacrifice, but the gift is worth the price, kinda thing. So... if that's not working... maybe I'm missing the message? Or haven't fully transformed yet?

That connects to The World, inverted. Which is... the big reward. The culmination of hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations. And... it's also stuck, or blocked, or... something's wrong with it, something's preventing it. Likely that transformation that hasn't finished.

That is connected to... Strength, inverted. Which is the embodiment of a symbiotic alliance between emotions and intellect. Harmony with your fear, an inner strength. Which... is blocked, or gone on the fritz, as well.

So, tl;dr... I'm missing something in my new perspective? A blind spot? Or I haven't finished transforming yet? And that is why my ambition is not paying off. Which, in turn, is causing fear to rule my life and my emotions to run rampant. So... what am I missing? What more do I need in order to transform? ... I drifted off in my head there for a bit realizing the silliness of grilling myself to find what blind spot I have. XD As though pressing harder will make me just magically see it!

Alright, I really need to get to bed. Fingers crossed I can get to sleep in a timely manner and this appointment goes well.

[jahaliel]

shouldn’t it be easy to hate someone so thoughtlessly cruel why can’t i stop loving them, why do i constantly believe it will get better in time, if i keep trying - why can’t i let this all just go

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

cherry - close reading

alright, this one’s different, for a bunch of reasons that i will be getting into after the lyrics. this might be the point where people who have very strong opinions on narratives surrounding stunts could get angry at me. that’s totally fine, as long as you keep it to yourself (hehe). i wanted these close readings to steer clear of that whole side of harry’s public persona, but i couldn’t write this post honestly doing so. i needed to get this off my chest and apparently i had a lot to say (i surprised myself, really). 

so, this is actually a WARNING: do not proceed if you are a firm believer in hamille. that’s all (and i won’t be replying to anons about this)

fine line, track 5

title: from French: “chérie”, darling

Don't you call him “baby”

lovers calling one another “baby” ～ to be so lonely

We're not talking lately

Don't you call him what you used to call me

common theme: jealousy

I, I confess I can tell that you are at your best

the other is thriving now the relationship is over

I'm selfish so I'm hating it

self-deprecating, honest, jealous

I noticed that there's a piece of you in how I dress

Take it as a compliment

the relationship has left its traces

no bad blood after the split, pretty blasé

I, I just miss

I just miss your accent and your friends

Did you know I still talk to them?

miss little things, more the atmosphere and context of the relationship, no strong yearning for the person

Does he take you walking 'round his parents' gallery?

again, jealousy

gallery: repeat of word in sunflower, vol. 6, but with (possible, likely) different meaning

[Outro: french girlie]

Coucou ! Tu dors ? Oh, j'suis désolée...

Bah non... Nan, c'est pas important...

Ouais, on était à la plage, et maintenant on—

Parfait ! Allez !

(translation: yoohoo (ish?), you’re sleeping? oh, i’m sorry… oh no, it’s not important… yeah, we were at the beach, and now we… perfect! (“allez” literally means “go” but it’s kinda like ��let’s go” and more of a stop word. hard to translate)

this is not a voicemail. a voicemail gives you a monologue, a short message by the person directed at the owner of the phone number they’re calling. this is an overheard phone call: we hear one side of the call

SYNTHESIS

Right, okay. I have to be honest: from the lyrics themselves, there’s not a lot of deep shit I’m getting. This is a simple love song about a lost love, written about the period right after a breakup. It’s full of pettiness, simple jealousy. There’s no bad blood and the “I” even seems pretty okay with it. He misses the person, and the missing is expressed through the little things, like their accent or style. The relationship is definitely over, since the other has moved on already, and the “I” is not asking them to come back. There is no yearning, loneliness or miserable missing like Harry sometimes likes to express (～ Falling, To Be So Lonely, MMITH, From the Dining Table…). What the “I” seems to miss most is the other person’s attention, presence.

Now, we all know that this has been painted as the song dedicated to Camille Rowe. It's shoved down our throats: her voice is on the track (though can we be sure it’s actually her?), the title is a play on a french pet name, she supposedly dated someone involved in galleries after Harry (idk the details leave me alone). Naturally, I’m in no position to say whether they ever actually had a relationship or not. I’d be very surprised, since I’ve only ever seen and heard Harry’s love and praise for dick, but that's whatever. If it is about a real relationship (of an entire year), then all I can conclude is that the relationship remained pretty surface-level and they managed to move on easily, unless Harry suddenly changed his entire style for expressing love when writing this. (And No, the other love songs on the album are not about this relationship. Don’t fuck around.)

I’ll say that I think this song was written for a purpose, crafted to fit that narrative. I have avoided the personal aspect, or the who is this actually about shit in previous posts as much as possible, because I wanted to focus on the lyrics and artistry only. In this case, this song, however pretty and cute it is, stands out on the album, to me, because of its simplicity and the absence of attachment to the rest of the story. Golden, Adore You, Falling, To Be So Lonely, Sunflower, Vol. 6 and Canyon Moon tell parts of the same love story. There’s depth, connection, care, and - especially - a long-term love that’s persisted. In my later posts on Sunflower, Vol. 6 and Canyon Moon, especially, it will become clear how I read them as being about a long-term relationship. Even the simple line in To Be So Lonely, “i was just a little boy,” should be enough for everyone to know that song is not about that one relationship with a french model in recent history. 

Sure, Cherry can still be about something real; another relationship that took place during a break in Harry's long-term one. Again, I'd just be extremely surprised by our curly boy walking in a rainbow paradise in a strawberry lipstick state of mind. But even then, placing the song on the album like that, preceded and followed by songs about a love that's life-altering and successful, just feels off to me. The story would make a lot more sense to me if the song weren't there. That's of course my own experience of the album, and another interpretation is just as valid. Who knows, maybe I'm totally wrong - but there's no need to come tell me that 😇

Fine Line being branded during its publicity as an album about being sad/a breakup and having sex will always infuriate me, which I really shouldn't let happen, because I know Harry is just sitting there with that wide-ass grin on his face, safely hiding behind his wall of vague lies and half-truths. Literally only Watermelon Sugar is explicitly about sex and even Falling, arguably the most straightforwardly sad song, holds hope for their love to survive. Harry being that open about a relationship - naming her, putting her voice on the track (!!) - is also very out of character and simply reminds me of interviews during the 1d days, which is an extra reason for me to attach little or no truth to the entire narrative. He's still just as private about everything else in his life: he's offline, we only see photos of him when his team wants us to and when talking about any other song or inspiration he's as vague as can be. This is the only exception and it's a thorn in my eye. But, of course, the stunt worked perfectly and it was the perfect plan to distract the general public. “This is the narrative, this is what it's about, here you have all the answers, you can stop thinking now, no no no don't look at the other lyrics, it's fine shhhhhhh." Cherry is Harry's favorite song, his most vulnerable song, damn he really bares his soul in this one. And we definitely mustn't look into any other theme the album might be about, no no. Bad gp. And that the voicemail is not really a voicemail so the narrative of it being one Harry saved from their relationship doesn’t even hold up but we won’t get into that.

Alright, time for me to calm down. Let's just say there's one thing that will always always convince me that I've got it right: the Vogue interview, featuring its writer wondering if something went lost in translation when Harry invited him to a gay swimming pond, descriptions of Harry and Harry Lambert (his stylist) calling each other Sue and Susan, ending with Harry playing Cherry and Gemma saying, "he does his own stunts." No, this is not said about the kid bouncing on a trampoline for one of the shots. This is a reaction to his performance for the crew, and that's what the article decided to end with. Ok I’m calm once more

Typical that I wrote so much about a song that I initially thought was going to be a breeze, since I knew I wouldn’t be able to link it to the greater themes. Guess that’s what made me rant about it in the first place. This one was a muuuuuuch more stunty post than the others in this series, and that’s also because this song is not like the others. It doesn’t belong here and I treated it as such. Tune in tomorrow for our regular scheduled programming, with the one and only Falling.

Read my other lyric analyses here

[sweetfirebird]

vashti-lives replied to your post

I still think if you wanted to do books that have a high chance of selling well you’d be best off with dragon stuff. And that is at least mildly more interesting than alpha billionaire werewolf soulmate’s secret baby stuff.

I joke about Arthur, but I have read/seen fanfiction and fanart with the full-on dragon fucking.

I have also seen a few romance books now with like, dragons+billionaire+omega.

When I say that a lot of romance writers have entered the genre to make money quickly, I do think some of those are just writing 130 pages of whatever hashtags seem to sell. Which is fine! But standing out from that... or worse... getting those people who expected that and instead finding... not that.

idk. I am not doing terribly, as far as I can see. But I also don't know where to go because I get no feedback at all (which publishers don't give writers either, as far as I can tell) except for sales numbers and reviews I am not supposed to read. And joining like... reader subreddits feels weird. Like I am spying on them. lol

I get spammy and not spammy messages from freelance translators and stuff but idk is there a large market in Italy, for example, for sensitive dragon employers and their pure of heart assistants? And if there is, does my stuff even translate well??

bah

I need to stop for the day. I'm frustrated and cranky now and I've!! achieved!! nothing!!

[welcometotheballpit]

Okay so I live in an area with a lot of trees and lately I'm pretty sure I've seen/heard a clown prowling around? From it's colors and movement I know it's definitely not a human, that's for sure. I have no idea what kind it is, but it seems friendly enough. I've been leaving candy out for it but idk where it came from or why it's here. Any advice?

You are right to leave candy out for it friend. Glasses of chocolate sauce or candy floss and circus peanuts may also be good offerings as well.

It sounds like this clown may be watching you, clowns are expert ambush hunters so if you saw it that means it wanted you to see it. Consider this as a sort of... introduction. You wouldn’t go over to a friend’s house without ringing the door bell after all, so consider it coming closer and allowing you to catch glimpses as a “Hello” though the introduction would probably be more clear if you were a fellow clown. 

Perhaps they do not have ample human socialization and are therefore trying to socialize the way it would with other clowns? Consider their behavior as a “Hello! I find you interesting but I recognize that this is your territory and I am not meaning to encroach! I am allowing you to see me and I mean no harm!” in clown language.

If you want to encourage this behavior, during one of the times that it is letting you catch a glimpse, try going out into the backyard and honking a bicycle horn. It may hesitantly approach and perform a joke or a japery from the tree-line. laugh loudly and clap to know that they are appreciated. It will keep visiting, getting closer and closer each time and may even attempt a co-habitation with you if it decides that it likes you. Clowns after all like cohabitating with humans so it may have narrowed you down as a potential human for them. Congratulations! You must put out some very clown-friendly vibes.

However, if you’re not interested in their overture then go out into the back garden and stomp around with a mean expression on your face. Some booing and “bah humbugs!” will get the point across and they will move on. This is basically saying in clownspeak “No! I am not interested! This is my territory and you may not come here! No!” 

This approach may seem mean but if you keep small dogs in the backyard, or if you just don’t have the time or inclination to take in a clown, then this may be the better option. Of course, you should also call your local clown rescue and they can come and cajole it away to introduce it to a human who does have the time and inclination.

Do let me know how it goes!

[tardytothepardy]

Okay so I know that this will come off as super defensive, angry, gatekeep-y, or whatever the fuck, but I'm really not a fan of how some people in the fandom talked about these parts of the episode with Hunter. (And yes, even as a joke, I did not like it)

Because like, all these things that he was doing, learning about wolves and being fascinated about them, enthusing over sewing and making a costume based off a book series he's sharing with Gus and enjoying, all this shit was stuff he was doing for like,,, the first time?? The first time he was able to actually freely express and enjoy the things he was interested in?? At 16 fucking years old, this is the first time he's really been allowed to do that, without immediately having to cover it up or hide it, out of fear of whatever terrible punishment Belos would throw upon him for having the audacity of having a personality (1600s Puritan British pissbabies can't fucking relate I guess).

I just,,,, idk, I I just don't see it as a good joke. Like, 'haha, this kid is enjoying himself and being happy, that's so funny'. That's just what it comes off as to me.

And then like,,, all the stupid things on twitter (it was probably also on tumblr but I was mostly on twitter at the time) after "Thanks to Them", when people were making jokes about Flapjack's death, like "Whoa guys, it's October 31st, the day Flapjack died!! :DDD" and like-- again, I don't care if it's a joke. It's a weird one, and (in my opinion) a bad one. Because all I can think with it is, "ah yes, the day when Hunter fucking lost his first friend, the day where he was completely confronted with the person who tears everything away from him, such jokes".

Maybe I'm being too serious about it, maybe I'm reacting to something else in my life that this whole thing reminds me of, I don't know. Maybe the only way I can deal with my anger is by being angry for other people, fictional or not. Maybe I spend too much of my energy being angry at villains in media who knowingly and purposefully torture characters when they're just kids living life and being happy (Persona from GA is a great example, I hate him to no bounds). Idk.

It all just feels in bad taste, like a sort of "I'm joking to cope with it," but it's like, what are you coping for? What are you recovering from? Because you're just making jokes about a kid who had a glimpse of contentment (or something close to it), and had it taken away, and was forced to go back to a place that has such conflicting associations with it, to the point where he'd probably be happier staying in the Human Realm, just to not deal with it all, IMMEDIATELY AFTER the death of his first and closest friend. Bah-dum-tsss.

idk

i was just

i was just happy to see him be happy, for once. wearing his new favorite shirt under his costume from a series he likes (with a character he relates to for no specific reason, why do you ask?),

and he'll probably be happy again, but like, seeing so many people (even some of the writers of the show???) joke about all the shit he's constantly going through, it just sucks.

i just want him to be a kid. just a 16 year old who does 16 year old things with his friends and have fun. it honestly was such a fucking gut punch to see that moment where he was looking at himself in the mirror and saying that he's comfortable and likes the way he looks now, and then basically immediately after, he lost everything. i'm sure that was 100% because the TOH crew has 3 episodes to tell a story that should've been at least one full 20-episode season.

ya know everyone’s laughing at how hunter’s experiencing being possessed by belos and losing flapjack all while wearing a Goofy Silly Handmade Wolf Shirt but i honestly think it makes the scene ten times more heartbreaking. like it’s horrid already but like… just earlier in the episode you could see him enjoying… life

he has a huge interest in wolves, has fun making costumes and hanging with gus. and there’s multiple moments in the episode where he’s finally happy. he’s proud of himself. he’s happy with himself.

i think that if hunter was an adult, while the scene where The Stuff happens would still be devastating, it would hit a little less hard. i feel like the fandom seems to forget sometimes (even me sometimes) that hunter is a child. he’s just 16! you know what regular 16 year olds do? they mess around. they do dumb things! they live their life! but hunter had to endure years of not having a normal childhood due to being treated as royalty.

which makes what he says feel heart wrenching.

of course he also wants belos to not commit witch genocide for the 16,000,000th time, but he wants to just be a kid. he wants to be with willow and gus and play flyer derby like the rest of hexside. he wants to connect with other people his age to make up for lost time.

but belos of course, doesn’t care. he’s the one that’s still controlling him, and while hunter may seem intimidating when belos was possessing him, with the wolf shirt on? it just makes this all the more tragic.

basically hunter did not deserve this and i think dana knew what she was doing and she made hunter wear this shirt on purpose. that’s all

[misseqaasjourney]

84 ❥ʙᴇᴇɴ ʙᴜꜱʏ ;ꜱ

Hello! Sorry for not updating as often. It's just that there's no new update hahaha. The Malaysian group and fb groups are getting quieter and some are preparing for GKS-G.

As seen on the title, yes, I've been busy with uni assgsssss. I lost count on what I should be doing, I've been neglecting my planner ;') I'll be sure to update it later and organize my life back. Also, I've been slacking by watching Netflix :') stress reliever but once the series finished and I'm back to real life, I felt uneasy hahahaha.. because I've got loads to do lol.

Tonight, I spent a lot of time doing my MIB assg, I kid you not my Malay is rusak. Malay as in standard Malay okie, I have no problem speaking Brunei Malay. I just wished this assg accepts Brunei Malay lol. Anyways, yes.. I did that and it's not even finished yet. I also have a tutorial to be submitted before November and.. a couple of assgs that is due on the first week of November but I was able to finish one of them, just waiting for my teammates to finalize their parts and we good to go. I also have another assg that is due the second week of Nov and I haven't even start planning abt it yet, I just had a rough idea but haven't really thought abt it thoroughly. Oh, and I also have.. I think 3 tests/exams/practical idk u name it, I'm tired hahaha and it's only the first semester gais. I'm already tired. I think it's bcs I immediately went to utb right after I finished Poli. I mean my other friends are taking a break from sch and waiting for grad and then nxt year sambung degree whereas my dumbass just tarus sambung degree right after my final year. (My final year was May 2021 and I started degree July 2021) like where is the rehat? None.

Alright so.... I shall update again soon.. in shaa Allah ehehe. OH AND my utb allowance was released today :') I feel so tempted to use it omg I could afford an iPad but I'm resisting so hard. Why? because if I'm chosen for this scholarship, I would have to pay back to UTB all the allowance given to me BUUUT I heard if u drop out of uni to further studies, u don't have to pay back. In this case, if it's true.. I'd be able to save up to survive Korea hahahah. Bah enuf oredi, I'm praying hard everyday to get selected as a GKS scholar. :')