#bad week for me folks
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I have cried SO MANY TIMES this week just weeping and sobbing all the time
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shoutout to everyone with chronic hand pain who plays video games anyway. fuck it we ouch 🫡
#exoticbutterstxt#mine isnt as bad as some folks'#like usually for a few weeks at a time im fine or only a little achy to an ignorable degree#and sometimes i have to use dictation for a few days because i cant type without being in pain#i could probably not be in pain at all if i got healthier habits which also makes me feel#like a sus imposter but whatever
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🛞
🤲 give u
the wheel….
tex/sheila. omg.
tex being sheila’s bi awakening is the funniest thing in the world. it’s so real. sheila having a crush on tex is everything to me. i LOVE their friendship sheila is the first female friend that tex has… they support each other. i think a tex lives au where she jacks sheila from the pelican and sheila is the ai of her ship and they travel the galaxy as mercenaries is so so real to me. i think a woman can be in love with her car. and i think that car can love her back
#asks#sharkface-daydreams#ask game#rvb rarepair week dos#i had less to say about this… i think they’re just fun. there isn’t too much for me to delve too deep into#sheitex#texla#oh texla. that’s bad actually#tex/sister/sheila = tesla. thanks folks i’m here all week
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screenshot redraw attempt--
#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#falin touden#doodle dump#what have i been up to these days? I'VE BEENS SIMPING OVER THIS WOMAN#ooughhhh#when i tell y'all i'm down bad for her--#THE NEWEST EPISODE HAD ME SO WEAK ON THE KNEES OTL OTL#SHE'S SOOOO.... BEAUTIFUL. MAJESTIC. BREATHTAKING. ETHEREAL!!!#PLEASE... CHIMERA FALIN-- JUST GIVE ME ONE CHANCE#She can step on me and crush me with her dragon claws and i'd be resurrected just so she can do it all over again <33#marcille 🤝me : being an absolute gay disaster for her#HAPPY LESBIAN VISIBILITY WEEK FOLKS (From me: a disaster bi)
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It is incredibly isolating to navigate through fandom as an aromantic person. Aro experiences are so varied, and there is no definite aro experience that encapsulates the alienation that fandom spaces cause for certain people.
Fandom is mostly built and structured on shipping. And if not, the blorbofication of characters, which tends to go down the shipping pipeline; where does that leave the romance repulsed aro person who genuinely does not want to see any form of shipping? Platonic dynamics, right?
Yeah, sure. But by platonic dynamics, it's only "best friends" or "family" right? Where does that leave the aro folks with undefined labels? No, qprs aren't a get-out-of-jail card.
And qprs- they have no rules or standards set upon them by society, not even having a clear definition for what it is, because not all qprs are the same. Yet, for some reason, it ended up becoming the "nonbinary" option to a lot of people- not romantic or "regular" platonic? Qpr it is, right?
But where does that leave the aro folk who don't want a qpr? Who don't wish to see characters depicted in pairs or trios or so forth- who embrace the lack of a partner?
And these concepts presented; when aro folk talk about them, do you care? And if you do, do you understand? Do you try to?
If you aren't aro, but wish to be supportive, are you a genuine ally? Do you raise the concerns of aro folk you share the space with?
Or do you take a look at these concepts- and decide you understand them "well" enough? Do you decide to speak for aro folks instead?
Do you depict relationships outside of romance because you believe in the importance of platonic relationships? Will you accept the fact that not all platonic interactions will be familial or "best friends"?
Can you accept depictions of qprs outside of "more than friends, less than lovers"? Are you willing to accept it is not just "best friends" or "romance lite"? Will you accept that nothing is inherently romantic- and characters in a qpr may fall under your standards of lovers?
Can you resist the urge to put every character in a pair or trio or group? Are you comfortable with the notion of characters finding more joy in being by themselves, outside of all those lenses you see them in?
It's good if you can.
And if you can't, at the very least, do you understand why some aro folk in your space are upset? Embittered by your favorite ships? Starving for representation?
Did you depict these characters with these concepts with the knowledge that aromanticism is fluid?
#antihibikase.txt#Long Post#((I'm sorry. I have been thinking about this for weeks and I am unhappy.))#((Honestly? I have been feeling more and more isolated in fandom recently.))#((It hurts. I know non aro folks are trying.))#((And its hard to describe. It's alienating.))#((And the typical fandom response is more representation- which is well-meaning.))#((But. Specifically to non aro folk. When you depict these aro concepts are you normal about them.))#((Do you do so respectfully.))#((Reminder that qprs are not restricted to aro folks btw.))#((I'm so so tired. It's easy to say you care but then completely miss the mark.))#((And just in case- this is NOT alluding to anyone. Please allow me to let my rage be my own.))#((Or to share this with those who understand.))#((And if you as a non aro person feel attacked by this- sorry.))#((I did my best to word this as firmly as possible without sounding angry because I am aware that-))#((-many will read this in bad faith.))#((Okay to reblog btw.))#((This isn't one of my usual rambles despite it being under my txt tag.))
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Ren Faire Week Day Seven
Well, the Faire always must come to an end and you have to say goodbye... but that doesn't always mean it has to be forever. (Continued under the cut)
#legend of zelda#minish cap#loz#mc#loz mc#zelink#Ren Faire Week#lou draws#...and there ya have it folks!#yeah this one was the one “extra” I knew I HAD to do#because it feels essential not really extra to me#still pretty pleased with how the hands turned out#oh oh ALSO!! it was very important to me that the sorta younger teenager ones in the going their separate ways one (middle in that)#that they have bad haircuts. because that is such a make bad choices especially with your hairstyle time of life
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There are actually so many takes people have in this fandom be it through headcanons/fanart/general thoughts that make me wanna fist fight sometimes but you know what is best to do? Block/disengage/mute/ignore - whatever it is that I need to do to never see it again and I take responsibility for what I consume. Even though sometimes it's people who are my mutuals and friends that I generally enjoy connecting with. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye and that is perfectly okay!
But also...it would be super nice to be able to click on a tag/fanart/whatever and not see fighting or negativity or general asshole behavior. It would be SUPER nice if passive-aggressive tags weren't added to everything. Because I can disagree with your interpretation of something and not like it without it meaning I'm being a jerk. Without it meaning I'm being vague about someone or something. I'm not obligated to engage with things I don't agree with or like. But people can have different thoughts and that is okay. It stops being okay when you tell me that my thoughts are wrong and you're right and because you're "right" I should go fuck myself. Canon is canon, fanon is fanon and everything else outside of what is actually in the books is speculation. Everyone is guessing and whenever the next fucken book comes out, you'll know if you're "right" even though at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter because being right isn't the point, it's about actually enjoying the stupid books.
When people who have been in this fandom for years tell you they're burnt out, you can't wonder why when general fan behavior is crusty as hell. These characters aren't going to come out of the book and fuck you. Go eat some grass, touching it isn't enough.
#gp#fandon wank#stay the fuck out of my askbox you idiot person#It's already been a week I don't need your nonsense#sorry for this rant#I'm just so done and I've done my very best to ignore it 99% of the time but enough#This person leaves me messages every once in a while and I thought I blocked them#but they seem to pop out of the freaken woodwork#I even changed my settings so only tumblr folks can engage with my blog AND YET#lord help you weird pathetic person#I never post about stupid anons because it gives them attention but this one really came at a bad time.#tbd
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Pain
A comic about my chronic pain experience.
#comic#dragon#chronic pain#scoliosis#back pain#I don't really know how to classify it but chronic pain feels right for me#Been thinking about this a lot since my pain has been amplified the past week -- spring break woe :(#But I also like drawing my dragon Snuffles. He probably has bad back pain too#But this is also for my college's comic anthology which is due in like 12 hours so very last minute idea#HEHEHEHEH inspiration will strike where it may#Kodi Draws#Snuffles#Illustration#Also more thoughts#It was nice to not be nitpicky about lettering. so freeing!#The writing is also more geared towards the folk who will read the anthology (students at my college)#But! it was very fun to work on#and I'm glad I can do simplified art like this easily enough. but my back is screaming so on the ground i go
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suddenly I have realized my bad habit of procrastinating has become a nearly debilitating fear
#Like#for ex I had an exam due today#I meant to study for it over the week#But every time I sat down to do so I just got really scared and stressed and felt like I wasn’t going to be able to study enough???#And so I couldn’t concentrate and did literally anything else instead and it ruined my entire week bc I was so worried#And anyways I ended up actually studying for the exam for only around 3 hours. TODAY. And took it and sent it in just before midnight.#Which is a very bad habit that I have#I’m pretty sure I did well tho#bc despite the fact I was so worried I wasn’t ready for it that I didn’t GET ready for it#I do actually know the material pretty well#And now I’m sitting here with the knowledge that if I’d sat and just studied even ONE other time this week#I could easily have gotten a 100#And now I’m realizing that I may have anxiety#Which I knew before but like. Now I KNOW#And also a really bad case of I Need To Be Perfect Or The World Will End And Everyone Will Hate Me#also the adhd isn’t helping#So yeah#That’s something that happened#I tend to put things off bc “im not ready” for them in general now that I think abt it. Huh.#evie rambles#Evie rants#It has become a habit of mine to vent in the tumblr tags#Sorry folks#XD
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Feeling very Ascension by Gorillaz ft Vince Staples at 2:18
#i need to solve a puzzle or some shit. god. fuck.#i cant concentrate on anything i cant fall asleep i cant stay asleep i cant stay awake i cant wake up on time#i hate depression 😒 and all the other things wrong with me yknow#i need to do something like. good for me. but its so damn hard to drag myself into doing that too#brain. stop being so foggy. please.#im even like. im eating im drinking water. i could probably like do some sort of exercise but everything makes me so tired.....#like even a walk yknow? i do my shift at work and im at 3% battery. i dont. i dont know what to do man#and i dont even wanna die about it???? im actively NOT suicidal for once#like are you kidding me??? ive been suicidal for like over a decade and for once#my brain is still popping up like have you considered killing yourself? 🤔 but im Genuinely not swayed by it at all#which is weird. and probably good. but now i just feel like. numb#stuck. stagnant. foggy. can we PLEASE cut through this fog and have some meaningful brain functions for a little bit. brain. cmon#i dont wanna die but i *do* wanna sleep for like. three days#i want a week off where i have NOTHIN to do#genuinely nothing to do. chores are done work is on pause i need nothing creeping in at the edges thinkin bout#ohhhhh you should be doing this instead..........youre wasting your time........do a task.....#but i cant i cant do a task. i cant. and its so frustrating and i feel bad about it#id feel much worse about it if my BRAIN wasnt as foggy as fucking SAN FRANCISCO#and i keep trying like. healthy ways of ''feeling something'' like hobbies i like or yummy food#nothin. does fuckin nothin. i get off and it gives me a Little bit of clarity Maybe. like#no wonder bad coping mechanisms happen yknow??? its an absolute fucking miracle i havent taken up smoking#anyway. i need to go to bed. tomorrows gonna be a long day. if you feel so inclined send me mental love or something. im fuckin tired folks.
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Back to work
#blabbering#curse my long shifts#I just feel so desperate for socialization#feels like a bit of the same thing from before during my bad week#I guess I just yearn for my life to be less hollow than it just me going to work and coming home and that’s it#been trying so hard to initiate it too but I think I’m just cursed#it’s even effecting my ability to draw bc one reason why I’m so slow is bc it’s such a lonely activity#so I can only get bits and pieces done in small bursts and videos don’t cut it anymore for (the illusion of) company#but mostly I just feel a bit pathetic and lonely lmao#maybe I’m just depresso and it’s making me be like this lol. this is usually a traditional winter experience for me#I think I’m also just yearning for connections bc I’ve been deprived of them for so long lol#I just can’t seem to succeed at it for some reason.#I’m also frustrated bc I haven’t had much time to draw; and when I do that time is taken away for other things and it’s like; my main venue#for socializing with folks and just for myself bc I can’t do what I enjoy doing#and then when I do I can’t focus at all and then I feel lonely and the cycle continues
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Can you believe William Afton is British pretending to be from like the Americas or Utah or something (at least in one popular fan comic, afaik) and then we have c!Wilbur being from Utah pretending to be British?
Anyway I'm Very happy to see you drawing fnaf esp peepaw Afton :]
I actually think c!wilbur sucks and wilbur soot should never be forgiven for the handling of that character it suckeddddd it sucked badly and I find 0 humor in the assassination of a rly promising arc about suicidal ideation, ptsd, and codependency. Fuck that ending
however. William afton is just slasher evil man who came to America to fuck around and (unlike cwilbur) find out!!!!!!
Yaaaay thank u btw I’m working on a big ol piece I wanna make into a print ^__^
#sorry I’m rly bitter abt it#it was just extremely triggering and upsetting and it fucked me up badly BADLY for weeks#like I was contemplating hospitalization bc it kept making me think abt some personal trauma and it just felt so disgusting#I felt disgusting#and ppl can tell me to kms for that all they want I stand by hating it and hating Wilbur soot lol#william afton is easier to me. bad man does bad things and bad bad things happen to him#ITS RLY THAT SIMPLE FOLKS!!!! PUNISHMENT IS SOMETIMES REALLY NECESSARY!!!!
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i know this probably won’t do much, let alone anything at all, but i’m sorry for the stress this site has caused you and so many other creators here. i’m not asking for you to stick around on here, but i hope you know just how meaningful you and your art have been on here. you’re amazing. /pos
Hey, this ask has done a lot more than you would think. Thank you, you are very sweet. <3
I've kind of made up my mind about what I'm gonna do for a while now, but I've simply been... too busy and overwhelmed to take the time to let you guys know. I'm not going to delete my tumblr, there's just. Too much here that I don't want to lose.
So far the game plan is: keep my tumblr. But do not upload anymore art or writing on it - not because it's gonna get scraped, because it was already getting scraped anyway, AI company deal or not. It's pretty much unavoidable at this point, unfortunately. I simply do not trust Tumblr with my data, if they're going to sell EVERYTHING, including private messages and such, so I'm not going to give it anything worthwhile to profit off of. Instead, I'm going to start uploading my art exclusively on Ao3, for now. I'll answer any asks I receive here on there too, as well. I'll figure some kind of system out. 🤔
The cool thing about uploading to Ao3 is that anyone subscribed to my profile or to the containment series I will make will get a notification anytime I upload something new. Having my art and writing in one place is likely going to be more convenient for you guys too, since you won't have to move across platforms to get the full experience. 😄It'll be different... but a platform getting too greedy for its own good won't stop me from finding ways to share my stories with y'all. I'll just find another solution.
(I've also been entertaining the idea of joining or making my own Discord server but. That one is a little more delicate. The idea of joining a server that has hundreds of members like a lot of this fandom's servers have, just. Makes me break into hives, lmao. (I am in the Ghost in the Machine fic server. I muted it an hour into joining, it was way too intense for me. |'D) That is way too many people, I simply cannot handle it. I'd be way more comfortable in a smaller group with a less rapid-fire rate of posting and conversation. I am also. Very picky about which servers I join, which makes asking for recommendations doubly awkward when I shoot them all down, haha... And making my own... Err, I can hardly keep up with a server I helped create for another fandom and mod for, I don't think I could handle two of them - I would need other people to handle the moderation for me, and I wouldn't trust just anyone to be a mod. I'd need to know them well enough to know I could trust them, and I... do not really know anyone in this fandom well enough to do that, sadly. I take server moderation very seriously, as someone who has had experience modding for forums back before social media was a thing. I do not know if that would make for a fun experience for everyone, and anyone who hasn't known that kind of supervised experience. It is comforting to me. It may be intimidating for others. So that's still a very hand-wavy, 'eehhhh' kind of thing still.)
All of this to say, that this isn't the last you'll see from me, far from it. I'll restrict my creative output to Ao3 for the foreseeable future, and I'll let you guys on here know when I make a new upload, so those of you who do not have an Ao3 account know when something new has happened.
So there you have it. 😊
#also just so y'all know#i AM working on the next CotA chapter#i am. about 40% done.#i needed to take a breather after that massive last upload and then life just. fucking tackled me lmao.#in order: my folks put up the house for sale. i have spent half of my weekends having to evacuate the house at a moment's notice.#so prospective buyers could visit. not very good conditions to write in. too stressful.#then i caught fucking covid for the very first time and had a BAD TIME. it took me weeks to recover. couldn't climb stairs for a while.#i think i still have episodes of brain fog 5 months later because of it. my body was really weird for a while after.#(writing is still a little hard after that. but i think i am slowly overcoming it. hopefully it doesn't show too much in the new chapter.)#random unexplained symptoms and more i will not share. then the holiday season came and went.#then we finally got serious buyers after months of having no-shows yank our chains and expulse us from our home for nothing.#the house is sold. then came the cleaning out and packing. we are nearly done and i am finally coming up to the surface to breathe a little#we are moving in a month's time so i might be a while before i feel stable enough to start posting a little more regularly once more.#so this year i may have to give mermay a pass. to my ENORMOUS chagrin. it's just not in the cards for me this year. ;___;)#but we are getting there. we're seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. and i am confident enough to say it's not a train.
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yall i cant stop thinking abotu omori (the game) and i have to go out with my dad later i'm FUCKED
#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO ACT NORMAL IN PUBLIC#WHEN A NEW FICTION HAS GOTTEN ME#AND I DONT MEAN LIKE FINISHING A CERTAIN WORK OF FICTION AND BEING LIKE#oh man that was good :)#I MEAN LIKE ONE OF THOSE RARE BUT INCREDIBLE INSTANCES WHERE ITS LIKE#OH MAN THIS IS GONNA FUCK ME UP FOR AT LEAST A FEW WEEKS IF NOT MONTHS#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#anyways play omori but heed the tw warnings like holy shit heed them#the final fight scene with you know who vs you know who#like oh wow the tihgns i tell myself every day coool!!!!#i had to pause several times bc i was just fuckin crying#bc it hit so hard so personally#AND ALSO i felt so bad for sunny and i was crying on his behalf like oh my god this is awful#for him hes just a kid and he has to deal with literally all this ahhhhhhho h god#The Fiction TM has gotten me yet again folks#sad clown emoji
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yall taking off makeup for punk-rock/post-apocalyptic "antigone" is a time and a half
#so is putting it on#i really hate false eyelashes now XD#i hold nothing but awe amazement and respect for the folks who choose to put them on daily for funsies#im also learning how to do eyeliner#it's not. that bad. probably.#anyways life update from me: tech week!!!!!#yay#talk tag
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Social media making me grouchy again
#//vent#It's just the transience of everything this week#I guess I'm not making any money from networking so it doesn't matter#Just coming out of like over 16 years of being on the web being paranoid about follows remembering me at all#and then the raw wall of like 'well actually they don't care' and it's like well great that paranoia is gone I guess#but now I'm carrying this backpack of trust issues to replace it with#and like while that backpack is helpful at keeping me one foot in reality around artists and influencers#it also enforces my already bad behavior of like never interacting with strangers never posting art ect#and that's the stone that will never gather moss. anyways sorry brain goblins#I should probably do life drawing at the park like I was considering the other day.#maybe upload boys kissing to DA not like anyone would find it anyways //s#I just wish DA had a working notification extension like it had before web2.0#nonmutual follows also the few that regularly chat with me are the only folks keeping me here and deserve appreciation
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