#bad people who were never able to get the support they needed without any hope of relief

[cricketandbooks]

I’m sure the misery wraiths are a creature of hell in the same way that demons are (a naturally occurring creature) but for some reason the idea that they are formally human souls who have been in hell for so long they’ve lost the shape of themselves, and thus becomes a part of the environment fascinates me. Like imagine you’ve been in hell for potentially centuries, tortured and suffering, driven mad by guilt (as I believe guilt is a necessary part for being in hell in the sandman/dbda universe canonically) unable to grow and change. I feel like that most people would eventually begin to warp and change into something unrecognizable. It may explain their lack of “purpose” too, as they don’t necessarily seem to have a function as far as I can tell, other than being a very inefficient guard dog perhaps. Anyway I think it would be an interesting metaphor for how people trapped in torture and abuse without an opportunity to grow and change become worse and more monstrous than they were previously

[alphajocklover]

just wanted to say that Uncle story you made was really good... Any chance for a part 2?

Hey everyone. I wanted to thank you all for your kind words concerning my Uncle John. After I shared what had happened to him and how I got into TF reporting, I got a lot of supportive messages (along with the regular ones that seem to think this is some sort of… kink blog? What even is that?). Because of how kind you’ve been, I thought I should update you on how everything is going. I’m sorry to say there isn’t much to update you on though. I have a good idea as to who transformed my uncle, which I’ll probably expand upon in another post (I keep saying that, I know, but I will), but what I don’t know is where he is. I haven’t got a clue where he is at the moment, but luckily I’m not the only one searching for him.

The Douchebag Revolution has been keeping an eye out for him for one. Since I help them out sometimes they’ve been helping me. They can be surprisingly nice at times, and they’re pretty sympathetic to people who have been transformed against their will, since they all were at some point. They also seem to have somehow gotten the idea that Uncle John was straight before he got transformed, but since that seems to motivate them more I haven’t corrected them.

I have members of other groups I’ve mentioned helping me too. I won’t name names, since they could get fired (or transformed), but I do have some connections at EB Jewelry, despite the company's anti-journalist policy. They’re the reason I was actually able to get some information on the company in the first place, and they’ve been using some of their connections within the company to help look for my Uncle. They haven’t found much yet, though it's because of them I can safely say that EB Jewelry isn’t involved in what happened.

Then of course there are the other TF Reporters who help, a few personal friends of my Uncle, and… Nick. My Uncles literally devilish friend, Nick. Honestly, he’s been looking harder than anyone, and I think I know why. I’ve always referred to Nick as my Uncle’s devil friend, and that's how he introduced himself to me, but… from what I’ve noticed, they were actually closer than that. It was the little things that gave it away. The look in Nick's eyes when he talks about my uncle, both fond and painful, the way he seems more desperate to find him than I do, how protective he’s been of me since my Uncle disappeared. I think he and my Uncle John were seriously involved, for quite a long time.

It’s kind of weird to realize your Uncle is, or at least was, in a long term relationship with a devil, but no matter the reason, I’m glad he's here. I don’t know If I could do all this without Nick's help. He’s half the reason I haven't been turned into a dumb hunk myself. I do worry sometimes that this is starting to get to him. Whoever transformed Uncle John has been sending… pictures, recently. He’s always transformed in a different way and with a different look, but I can just tell it’s him. They’re showing him off like some sort of trophy, using him to mock us. Nick never says anything but it’s killing him seeing my Uncle that way, I can tell.

This whole thing is my fault. I was the reason my Uncle got changed. I have to get him back. I know whoever took him is reading this post. I know you’re powerful, powerful enough that time travel, demons and capitalist don’t want to fight you. But I’m not afraid of you. I know who you are, and I’m giving you a fair warning: I’m coming for you, and I’m getting him back. No matter what.

**I’ve been meaning to do a sequel to the ‘My Uncle’ story for a while. I love big lore stories. I need to introduce the big bad soon, but there so much other stuff to write too so it might still be a bit. Hope you love this story and hope you guys can wait!**

[bethanydelleman]

Of all the marriages that were "meant" to happen or seemed to be going that way in Jane Austen but didn't (eg Darcy and Caroline, Darcy and Anne de Bourgh, Elizabeth and Mr. Collins, Elizabeth and Wickham, Edward and Lucy Steele, Marianne and Willoughby, Emma and Frank Churchill etc) how do you see them working out? Could any of them be happy?

Mr. Darcy & Anne de Bourgh - I can never see this one happening, but my money is on Anne dying either in childbirth or because pregnancy overtaxes her already poor health.

Mr. Darcy & Caroline Bingley - wrote that. Caroline would be a perfectly acceptable mistress of Pemberley, but her propensity to mirror Darcy and express his own opinions would make him worse.

Elizabeth Bennet & Mr. Collins - a disaster: the elder Bennet's marriage but gender-reversed. Lady Catherine would also hate her and that would make Mr. Collins anxious.

Elizabeth Bennet & George Wickham - I don't see how exactly this would come about because Elizabeth has no fortune and Wickham needs a fortune, but it would also be a disaster because Elizabeth would realize who Wickham really was and she would be horrified. Without support, they would be broke.

Edward Ferrars & Lucy Steele - This would be such a mess, Lucy would be sucking up to Mrs. Ferrars for money and trying to push Edward into multiple livings and promotions, which he would hate. Lucy is so much like Edward's mother that he would just be dying inside 24/7. He's not a pushover, but it would be really exhausting for him to fight Lucy on everything and he's trapped in this marriage, so he'd probably give in eventually.

Edward Ferrars & The Honourable Miss Morton - Not enough info.

Marianne Dashwood & Willoughby - wrote that. I don't think there is any way it would end well. Marianne will quickly discover what Willoughby did to Eliza and that he is far in debt. She's not responsible enough to get him out of debt and her view of him would be shattered. It's a tragedy.

Emma Woodhouse & Frank Churchill - the logistics just don't make sense, since Emma cannot leave her father and Frank has Mrs. Churchill, but I guess they could wait for the old lady to kick it and Frank could live at Hartfield... though he's not good with Mr. Woodhouse but I think he could learn. I think this marriage would be fairly successful, but Frank brings out the worst in Emma and that wouldn't be great.

Isabella Thorpe & James Morland - I don't think Isabella would cheat, I see that opinion a lot, but I think Isabella is sensible enough not to try that within a marriage. You can't "trade up" anymore once you're married. However, it would be bad. Isabella would waste money and James wouldn't know what to do with her. They'd probably have like 6 kids though because she's hot.

Isabella Thorpe & Captain Frederick Tilney - this would piss off General Tilney so much that I almost want it to happen. Almost. But honestly, I don't think Frederick would treat her very well if he was forced in some manner to marry Isabella and I don't want her stuck in a cruel marriage.

Mary Crawford & Edmund Bertram - I've written this a few times, I've gone both ways. In one story Mary is cheating on Edmund and he remains oblivious, in my novel Unfairly Caught, they are happy and both of them compromise a bit. Jane Austen herself has an opinion:

Experience might have hoped more for any young people so circumstanced, and impartiality would not have denied to Miss Crawford’s nature that participation of the general nature of women which would lead her to adopt the opinions of the man she loved and respected as her own.

Henry Crawford & Fanny Price - I personally ship this, but of course Henry has to change and without Fanny's help for it to be viable. Again, Austen wrote about it's possibility, so I trust they could have been happy if he wasn't such an idiot.

Colonel Brandon & Eliza #1 - with Eliza's fortune they would have likely been able to live comfortably. I imagine they would have been happy together despite the family rift. If everything happens as before, they would eventually inherit the family estate and live happily ever after.

Anne Elliot & Charles Musgrove - I think this could have gone really well, and honestly if I was Anne I would have gone for it. Charles is kind and smart enough, he'd have been much happier if Anne was his wife. Also, best in-laws ever!

Captain Wentworth & Louisa Musgrove - Louisa would try to be a great wife, but I think Wentworth would be too focused on losing Anne to be a good husband. He'd probably be very affectionate when on leave because he felt bad and then go off to sea to wallow in tragedy. Fortunately, Louisa's family would support her when she was alone.

Anne Elliot & Captain Benwick - I ship it. Captian Benwick would be devoted and he's a reader like Anne. They would spend time reading poetry together.

Sir Walter & Mrs. Clay - lol, I almost wish this one had happened. It would have been fun. Elizabeth Elliot would HATE IT and would probably marry to get away. It'd be fine, Sir Walter would be nice because his choices must be correct and Mrs. Clay would keep smiling and flattering forever.

Mr. Elliot & Elizabeth Elliot - he hates her, so it wouldn't happen, but if it did, it would be bad.

Mr. Elliot & Anne Elliot - This one is tricky. I do agree with Mrs. Smith that Mr. Elliot would respect Anne more and therefore wouldn't be cruel as he was with his first wife, but he's not a good person. I have trouble seeing this one happening because Anne does not want to marry him, but I don't think it would be happy if it somehow did occur.

Mr. Elton & Harriet Smith - he is a petty jerk, it's not a good match because Harriet cannot hold her own against him and he wouldn't admire her like he does Augusta. Bad times for Harriet.

Emma Woodhouse & Mr. Elton - Emma would rather enter a convent.

Mr. Knightley & Jane Fairfax - I don't know how or why this would happen, but given her intelligence and his kindness, this marriage would be successful.

That's all I can think of!

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

I absolutely love your story’s!

What about one where the reader is has the tendency to just ignore their own emotions? Especially the negative ones. Like they’ll just pretend and act like they don’t exist until it’s some random Tuesday and they’re trying to stop crying in the kitchen cause they did something really small and stupid but it just happened to be the last thing they could take before being forced to cry? If it’s Donna’s emotions they try to be comforting and understanding, trying to encourage her to reach out for comfort and support and it’s just the exact opposite when it comes to their own emotions lol

Yesss!!! Here it is!!! Thank you for your request!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes :)))

Emotions

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions of depression,angst, mental health problems...

Word count: 3,931

Summary: You were not able to say what you feel, and it was getting worse

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!! Oh, well, just a reminder: if you feel sad, talk to someone, look for help, in this world there are a lot of amazing people wanting to help you :))) Requests are open!! I love you all!!!

You opened your eyes. It was just another day.

You could say that you had been lucky in life. Your family was never rich. It was never more than just one more in the village. Nothing special, nothing remarkable. Get up, work, pray to Mother Miranda and so on constantly.

Why could a routine like that be called luck? Very simple, you found a way to get out of that monotonous and boring life.

You probably wouldn't have been so lucky if you had approached the Beneviento estate that cold winter day.

Meeting Donna was a refreshing change, the discovery that the Lords were also human.

Monster, psychopath and reclusive. Those were the names the villagers referred to her by. You had no way of knowing if it was true or not. You feared her like the others, until you met her.

She was a woman with problems, mysterious, shy, and above all, very far from the concept of monster. It was almost like looking at yourself in a mirror: emotional problems, real rejection of any human relationship. That two antisocial people like you, soon could not live without each other was curious.

How you fell in love didn't matter, it was just fate, or so you thought, or so you liked to think.

Your new life was much better than the previous one, but, just as they told you when you were a little girl: when you try to run away from your problems, you take them with you.

A truth that was difficult for you to understand, due to the feeling of being happy with the woman you loved. The ghosts of your own tribulations appeared to torment you soon.

You were never particularly good when it came to understanding your own emotions. Pain, sadness, anger... Everything that your mind considered as something negative, as something that could prevent people from appreciating you, loving you, were always hidden in a dark corner of your feelings. If you hid them, you couldn't feel them. Or so you thought.

Perhaps that constant joy and the apparent desire to live and enjoy the moment were what caught Lady Beneviento's attention. A wandering soul, with its own emotional problems, could find light in someone like you, in someone who, apparently, didn’t suffer, didn’t hate; someone who was happy, even if it was just a facade.

With a sigh, you sat up, letting your feet dangle over the edge of the bed. You were alone, Donna wasn't sleeping next to you and you wondered why you didn't miss her, or why you didn't need to seek some comfort in her arms. You still denied to yourself that you were going through a bad time, an existential crisis and the negative feelings that were taking up more and more space in your mind.

“Angie, where is Donna?” You asked the doll, who remained next to you, as if she could know that there was something wrong with you, that something was going through your head, torturing you.

“She's gone to take a shower,” the puppet answered, studying your expressionless look, that serene look that you naturally forced yourself. You were so used to doing it that it didn't even take any effort.

“She hasn't woken me up?” You asked, rubbing your eyes. Why hadn't she woken you up? Didn't she want to have to put up with you? Why?

Again paranoia and fear took over your thoughts.

Angie simply shrugged, getting off the bed and leaving the room.

No, you couldn't think that somehow you were to blame. You were always happy. In front of her you were always happy. Was she ignoring you? It was very unlikely, but your thoughts were far from reality.

After staring at the wooden floor for longer than you'd like, you got out of bed, looking at yourself in a mirror. Smile: ready, tears: hidden.

You walked through the dark hallways, listening to the characteristic noise of a shower. At least Donna was there. Why were you thinking that she had left you or something? You hadn't done anything for it. That depressive state you had been living in lately was getting worse and worse.

“Donna?” You asked, opening the bathroom door.

There was no response, just a sob.

The woman you loved was there, but she was not well. Her body was curled up under the water. Poor Donna had suffered another crisis and you hadn't even noticed. Once again, you had to put aside your own problems. She needed you. She needed the cheerful and understanding (Y/N). It's not like you needed her comfort, or so you thought.

“Donna, my love...” You whispered, approaching the shower and crouching next to her sad body. “Honey, what's wrong?”

“(Y/N),” the doll maker sobbed, looking up a bit. “I… I don't…”

You sighed, kneeling next to her and letting her throw herself into your arms. The scratch marks on her skin betrayed a panic attack, one of the many that poor Donna frequently suffered.

“Hey, darling... Come on, calm down,” you whispered affectionately, turning off the tap and letting her body settle into yours. “Have you suffered another crisis?” You asked, with your clothes soaked, but without stopping hugging her.

She nodded embarrassedly, clutching the fabric of your nightgown.

How could a stupid existential crisis be more important than Donna's problems? You felt selfish, you felt like you were putting problems typical of a 22-year-old woman ahead of you, instead of hers, instead her own emotions that tended to get out of control.

At least she showed her emotions.

“Come on, that's it, honey. It's okay, I'm here with you, do you hear me? Nothing and no one can hurt you. Come on, Donna, stop crying...”

You hugged her silently, starting to feel cold because of your wet clothes. Donna cried inconsolably, for no reason other than the demons she was born with. How ironic. She cried for no reason and you, with more than one, were incapable of doing so.

“Come on, honey, let's shower and have breakfast, okay?” You said affectionately, to which she nodded erratically, letting herself be carried by your arms.

Most days were like this: a small crisis always solved by your eternal patience and then... Then the tranquility of that life full of love, silent gestures, kisses and caresses.

You didn't understand what exactly the reason for your regret was, but it became more and more present in your emotions. At least in the ones you wanted not to be seen.

The cold of winter washed over your body as you left the house, resting your cup of coffee on the porch railing. If it was winter… That meant you had been with Donna for at least a year. You were so happy that it barely seemed like a sigh, but repressing your sadness or your worries so much had taken its toll on you.

“(Y/N),” a soft voice interrupted your lost gaze towards infinity. Suddenly the cold became much more present. How long have you been out there?

Your expressionless face gave a fake smile, one that you were already an expert at.

“Donna,” you sighed, letting yourself be hugged from behind and closing your eyes. Her hugs were relaxing, calm, although your problems began to cloud the emotions you felt, the positive ones, the only ones you were capable of showing.

“What are you doing out here, tesoro? It's very cold,” she asked in a soft, tender tone, as if she hadn't just been crying uncontrollably in the shower a moment ago.

No, in no way you envied the ease with which Donna cried, showed her sorrows or her weaknesses. But you wondered how she could feel after having let out everything that tormented her, why she had no problem talking to you about the things that made her sad, that made her shake and lose her mind. Surely you had the real problem.

It was time to smile even wider.

“Oh, well,” you said, gently grabbing the hand around your waist. “This morning it was very difficult for me to get up,” you lied, letting her body sway yours slightly.

“I know, you were so pretty asleep that I didn't want to wake you up,” the woman in black whispered, kissing your cheek. There was certainly nothing to tell you that she had suffered a terrible crisis not long ago.

You laughed fakely knowing that, although you had wanted to get up, the invisible chains of your emotions prevented you from doing so. You wanted to never get up, to spend your life in the warm embrace of the sheets, where you wouldn't have to pretend, where maybe, just maybe, you could cry, you could be able to cry.

“Is there ever a time when you don't think I’m pretty?” You asked trying to joke with the naturalness you had learned to fake.

“Mmm,” Donna murmured, kissing your neck innocently, like she always did. “No”

You laughed, this time genuinely, letting your sadness and anguish camouflage themselves again with ease. Maybe it had just been a bad time, maybe you had the feeling of being sad when in reality you weren't, you never were.

If you had stopped to reflect, you would have realized that this was impossible.

Time continued to pass and your desire to get out of bed decreased more and more. There was something inside you that was dying to come out, but you were unable to know what it was, unable to seek comfort that you yourself didn't think you needed.

And so another week passed. Tuesday the 24th, that's what it said on an old calendar. You and Donna were happy. That weird feeling had was nothing to do with her, but everything to do with you. Sadness turned into anguish, anguish from not knowing what to do with those negative emotions, from not being able to express them properly. The smile and your apparently calm and happy attitude were still the protagonists of your life.

“Do you like it?” Donna asked, unsure as always that her food wasn't good enough for you.

The day had started like many others, but, for some reason, that pressure you felt in your chest had grown out of proportion.

“Well, of course, you know I love the way you cook, Donna,” you said with a tender smile, oblivious to the pressure you felt in your body.

She smiled and lowered her head, embarrassingly pleased. You looked at her for a moment and continued eating.

“Oh...” you said when you went to get the jug of water that was always on the table. “I forgot to get water,” you said, without giving it importance but with a knot in your stomach. What was happening to you?

“It's okay, honey, I'll go down and get it,” Donna said softly, wiping herself with a napkin.

“No!” You shouted, without knowing why, making her turn the head sharply towards you, her eye wide open. “I... I... I'll go down, it's my fault,” you said to try to fix that shock that came out of nowhere.

“Don't worry, tesoro. We all make mistakes," she said, with an understanding smile.

You tried to control your breathing. You were nervous, upset about something.

“Yeah, but I make them more than anyone else,” you whispered, as if the truth, a truth that was tormenting your mind, suddenly left your lips.

“What? Why do you say so?” Donna asked, with an air of concern as you walked past her. Her hand stopped you, settling on your arm. You shook your head, not quite sure why your throat was stinging.

“Oh, no, it's nothing, Donna. It was just a joke,” you said, taking a deep breath and flashing a sincere smile, heading to the elevator.

You walked slowly through the dark hallways, aware that something inside you was dying to come out.

“Okay...” You murmured, placing the jug under the faucet. The solitude of that kitchen gave you a contradictory feeling of tranquility and melancholy.

You were thirsty, so before lifting the jug you poured yourself a glass, with the bad luck that your thoughts distracted you enough for the liquid to overflow.

“Oh, shit,” you protested, pushing the jug away, which made it even worse, causing your clothes to become soaked with the liquid of life. “Fuck!”

You screeched, making your voice bounce off the rickety walls of the old kitchen.

“Fuck!” You screamed again, hitting the counter with your fist, hurting yourself.

It seemed stupid, but suddenly the burning in your throat increased to such a point that an unfamiliar moisture began to be felt in your eyes.

After so much time, so much repression, empty mornings and strange thoughts… Finally, you were crying.

The reason? You didn't know specifically.

You were happy. Your life was going well. Donna was a sweetheart despite her problems. She loved you, you loved her. No, Donna Beneviento was not the problem. You were the problem.

All your life you had been wondering what you contributed to the world, what the meaning of your life was. You never knew how to answer. Why did you live in that village? What would have happened if you had been born somewhere else? Would you have been happier? Would your life have been better, or worse? What would your life have been like if you had never met Donna?

They seemed like stupid questions, which came to light with the simple act of spilling a glass of water. Maybe that's what was happening to you. Negative emotions filled your soul, until, like that water, they ended up overflowing.

What was it that made you special? What virtues did you have? How serious were your flaws?

That existential crisis followed you throughout your life almost like the B side of your own shadow. Present, but barely visible. Did you really deserve the life you led? What had you done to deserve it?

No, you didn't deserve that life. You hadn't done anything memorable, you didn't think you were an angel, a good person who cared about others. No, you weren't special. You were a villager like so many others, a strange villager, attracted to women, considered a freak by your own family.

Yes, everyone despised you for the way you were, for being different from the rest. Since your emotions were not predisposed to come to light, you were not able to realize that this was the reason for your depression.

Everyone despised you, except Donna. She loved you, she understood you even though she didn't know she had to. Your cheerful attitude and tireless smiles surely made her believe that you were always a happy girl, that suffering had not happened in your life.

But that wasn't true, it never was true. You had realized it too late.

You had no talents, no great aptitudes for anything. You didn't know how to paint, to work wood or to care of flowers. The only thing you knew how to do was exist and you weren't even good at that.

 That sudden revelation made you unable to stop crying, making everything that you were hiding inside appear in front of you like a tornado ready to destroy everything. Crying wasn't something you did, something you wanted but at that moment, you couldn't stop doing it.

You turned, hands covering your eyes, the emotions you had so repressed eating away at you from within. You wanted to stop crying, but you couldn't.

Your body leaned, lowering itself to the floor with your back resting on the counter. You didn't want to move. You couldn't do anything but shed tears tirelessly.

“(Y/N)?” Your lover's voice reached your ears with difficulty “Is everything okay? The food getting cold...” Donna stopped talking when she turned the corner and saw your pathetic crying on the floor.

“Donna, leave me alone, please,” you said sobbing, not wanting to look at her face.

She remained silent, watching you as if she were seeing something extraordinary.

“Why are you crying, tesoro? I had never seen you…” She murmured confusedly, approaching cautiously.

“It doesn't matter, okay? Go away, Donna, please,” you continued sobbing, looking away from her.

The woman in black approached slowly, putting a hand on your shoulder and studying your eyes hurt by crying.

“But, but tesoro. If, if something happens to you I want to...” Donna insisted, crouching down next to you and caressing your cheek.

Not even her innocent comfort could stop the horrible feelings passing through your body.

“Donna, please, I don't want you to see me like this, go away,” you said again, pushing her hand away from your face, which made her frown with a confused look.

“I want to help you,” she said, with a pleading tone, unable to calm your discomfort even in the slightest.

You shook your head. Another rare feeling, anger, shot through your nerves.

“Help me? I don't want your help!” You shouted abruptly, unpleasantly. “You're not even able to help yourself! So, no, Donna, go away.”

The doll maker stood up frightened by your words, looking at you with sadness and deep pain.

Your nerves calmed when you realized how unfair you had been to her.

“Donna, please go. Go before I say something stupid again,” you said in a low tone, your voice broken by crying.

She shook her head slowly, nervous but calm at the same time. No, she wasn't going to move from there.

“I'm sorry, (Y/N), but I'm not going anywhere,” she whispered, bending down and sitting next to you without speaking, with her gaze away from yours, but without separating from you.

Time passed slowly. Your sobs wouldn't stop, no matter how much you wanted them to. Donna was still there, sitting next to you without speaking, not saying anything that would cause your pent-up anger to explode against her.

Her hand moved slowly towards yours, which had left your face to press tightly against the floor. At first you resisted her hold, but the softness of her skin against yours immediately relaxed your muscles.

You opened your eyes for a moment, looking at your clasped hands. Donna was there, silently, with you. Despite your harsh words, she was still willing to help you. You didn't know whether to feel better or worse about it.

You searched her gaze. Her head was leaning against the furniture, tilted up, seeming almost inert, caressing your hand without even moving or trying to get closer. You couldn't tell if it was because she really didn't know what to do, or because she was giving you the time you so needed.

“I lied to you, Donna,” you said when your crying slowed down enough for you to be able to speak clearly.

She turned her head towards you, but her expression remained unperturbed, although you noticed some nervousness in her breathing. Surely she had to control herself at those words. Miraculously, she did.

“I'm not the person you think I am...” You continued talking, resting your head on the furniture in the same way as her, shaking it and looking at the ceiling. “I was never… I was never happy. I didn't have as many friends as you think. I didn't have any friends. I've never been good at anything I've done. I tried to be a useful girl and I just failed and failed...”

She nodded, but looking away from you.

“I always... They always told me that a smile is the best weapon against sadness, that if I smiled and pretended to be happy I would end up being. I've spent my life pretending that there was nothing that could make me stop laughing.”

Donna nodded again, listening patiently to a confession you didn't even know you had to confess.

“I have, I have always had problems expressing my emotions. I know it doesn't seem like it but... That's right. It's not that hard for me to laugh when I feel like it, or... Even to love you or show you that I love you, because that, Donna, is the only thing I'm sure of.”

The woman in black looked at you, a sad smile appearing on her face, not wanting to interrupt, not wanting to let your hand go.

“I've been repressing my sadness, my anger and... and I feel I can't take it anymore,” you said, sobbing again, leaning your body towards her shoulder, which she gladly offered to you, bringing your body closer to hers, sighing deeply.

“Tell me, (Y/N), what makes you sad?” Donna asked, with a tender voice, with the softest voice you had ever heard, putting her other arm around your body, to not let your demons take you with them.

“I... I...” You stammered, letting yourself be calmed by her lavender perfume, letting her arms protect you from everything bad that harassed you. “I don't feel like I worth it.”

Donna sighed again, kissing your head lovingly and hugging you even tighter.

“That’s not true.”

“Is not? Tell me Donna, why would you love someone like me?”

“Why would you love me?” She asked back, her lips glued to your hair, her arms giving you the warmth your trembling body needed. “I'm not... I'm not fine... I'm just giving you problems.”

“At least you can express what you feel,” you said, lowering your head to her chest, comforted by the beating of her heart.

“I wish I couldn't do it that way,” Donna whispered, her voice breaking too, tormented by her own problems.

“I wish I were able to say what I feel,” you whispered, adorning that phrase of hers with your own, with those problems so disparate and so similar.

“You’re doing it now... (Y/N). You’re doing it with me, and you can always do it,” Donna said, lifting your chin so that your teary eyes could look at her.

A sincere smile crossed your face as that revelation, hidden by your negative emotions, made its way into the darkness of your mind.

“I can always do it...” You repeated, changing crying for a smile, changing sadness for joy. Not a fake joy, a real one, a genuine one. The pressure in your chest decreased as if by magic, as if a few simple words contained your negative feelings. But this time it was different. It wasn't an armored door that enclosed them, but rather one that was open, that would let your torments out whenever you needed it.

You remained silent and moved a bit to be at the level of her lips, kissing them tenderly, with gratitude.

“You are the best thing that has happened to my life,” you said in a low voice, merging into a hug with Donna, letting both of you show what you felt.

“You are the only thing that has happened in my life,” she said, smiling, with the moisture on her face revealing a tear that ran down her cheek.

“Donna...” You sighed, separating yourself a little, squeezing your eyes tightly, feeling a comforting release.

“Listen to me, (Y/N),” she said, with a more serious tone, cupping your face in her hands. “Promise me that you will always tell me what you feel. It doesn't matter if it's a bad thing or a good thing. I... I will do everything possible to always help you. I will always be with you, my love...”

You nodded, feeling the need to cry again, but this time, with joy.

“You will always be with me...” You whispered, repeating her words.

“Always,” the woman in black reaffirmed.

[cialovesklopp]

𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐖𝐄’𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐆 ➺ k.mbappé

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚 — in which it’s the night of the grammys and amara has the chance to make history and shock the world with some revelations

𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈 — amara imani (oc) x kylian mbappé

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕 — 10k

𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 — while we’re young [jhene aiko]

𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 — @aechii @lorarri

𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓’𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆 — so… we’ve finally made it. one more article and we’re through with mon amour. I want to thank you all for reading, for not leaving even though I had some periods where I couldn’t find any inspiration. You still read Mon amour even if I found myself soo discouraged and unmotivated. Don’t worry, i still have a lot for this series planned. A very big thank you goes also to @aechii who accompanied me through the entire process and supported me in the best way. nothing i could wish more for and i am very happy about the fact that you enjoyed it so much. one of my closest people. and then a big thank you goes to my soul sister @lorarri — without her this series probably wouldn’t exist and this series are as much mine as they are hers.

masterlist

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌

𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐬_𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐜

liked by liyah_clark, pierregasly and 13.074.652 others

charles_leclerc the amara imani protection squad is in all on-board for the evening

view all 98.074 comments

username omg yukierre being the ones responsible for food

username to be a fly on those walls during that night

username i just wanna know if what pierre and yuki cooked was good

charles_leclerc it was edible but pierre was just there for pr

maxverstappen1 it was definitely better than what lando and oscar cooked

landonorris it wasn’t that bad, the steak was just a bit unseasoned and the vegetables were edible

georgerussell bit unseasoned? you didn’t even put salt on the steak and the vegetables were burned

lewishamilton even roscoe declined your food

username this is a want, not a need

liyah_clark as much as i love this little supportive get-together i hope no one touched any of my things. i haven’t forgotten the foundation yet.

charles_leclerc … about that 😶

charles_leclerc max slept on your side of the bed and pierre used your skincare

maxverstappen1 only because lando took nearly all the space and lewis reserved the entire couch for him and roscoe

username i swear to god they’re never gonna beat those allegations

username lestappen nation thanking the gods at the moment for this

amara.imani roscoe!! 🥹

roscoelovescoco we’s loves amara

amara.imani thx for your support guys, you are the best group ever. you’re making me cry and i’m currently in hair & makeup

amara.imani if i win a prize tonight, i’ll make sure to mention you

username but the fact that amara imani is more important than anything and even made pierre and esteban forget their petty fight

username FR like amara is so much bigger even their pettiness can be put aside

username i feel like we should give charles a extra big thank u for dating liyah and bringing amara into their lives

𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚.𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢

liked by charles_leclerc, graceywood and 17.028.543 others

amara.imani big night and big surprise incoming

the user turned her comments off on this post

𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄

her life was truly a fairytale. amara imani was sure of that now. 

looking back a year and a half ago, she would have never thought she would be able to say those words; especially because she loved fairy tales and her life seemed to be going drown back then. and somehow one person had been able to change everything and make her life resemble a disney movie. give her her own fairy tale. 

her love for fairytales dated back a long time ago. back to when her father used to read her stories before going to sleep. how often had she fallen asleep to the happy endings of snow white or cinderella? wished that she would meet her dream prince like belle did with the beast? well, now she had. 

the life she had built now was different than before. historians liked to define time by distinguishing before christ and after christ. and amara could organize her time now by differentiating between before and after evan — or better yet, before and after kylian. 

before kylian, she was there but she felt herself floating between spaces, just there but with no cause. the quick rise and new found fame had made her lose herself in all the turmoil and with the addition of evan, amara soon didn’t even recognize her own reflection in the mirror anymore. during that time, life become meaningless and fairytales stayed what they were. plain fairy tales, made simply for the purpose of entertaining children. 

that was the problem once one lost themself. the genuine pleasure and joys of life were lost with the person itself. colors became blurry together, and there was no difference anymore in what was real and what was a simple imagination of what one truly felt. amara found herself lost, drowning even though the water was clear. herself long gone. and her identity too. 

philosophy described the identity as several qualities, beliefs, characteristics and the sense of belonging that formed a person. described them and made the different from all the other humans and their identities. their identities were highly necessary for the growth of the human. but when one lost themselves, their identity was often a part of what they were losing too. the security of knowing what one was became a doubtful question, followed by several insecurities that were coming up too.

maybe losing herself big amara so hard because she had never truly known herself — after all, the brain has not finished developing till the age of 23. the sudden void that filled a part of her and could not be filled had ripped apart the part of her that she had carried into her new life. the new-found fame. and even the smallest innocent parts of herself were lost the moment she had not known who she was anymore. 

and then there was after kylian. the time where she found herself again. and fairytales became true again. 

sometimes people had to lose themselves to find themselves again, to see themselves the way they truly are. find their own worth again. a process amara had needed more than she could have imagined. 

evan had reduced her, made her believe she was nothing more than a side piece to his person that cling to him and followed him wherever he went. he had treated her career as if it was a side hobby she had been doing and could stop at any time. she had gotten so wrapped up in the false illusion evan had created of her, she had forgotten how much she was worth for just being herself. maybe evan had shown her a different world, shown her the secrets to it and made her see different colors — but he had also shown her how much she didn’t fit into his world. she had forgotten how special she was because she was too busy loving him, trying to meet his expectations and ideals. 

it had made the idea of love seem disgusting — why would anyone go through that kind of pain just to be disappointed? sure, love included pain, after all one didn’t truly love if they had never experienced the pains of love. but when the pain was outweighing the good? the happy moments? amara had closed the chapter of love when evan had humiliated her. forgotten all her dreams of getting her happy ever after. 

it was kylian who made the difference. 

showing someone something was not the way one can learn. they’ll know how to spot it but they won’t know how to use it. it’s by teaching them that one can truly learn. and kylian taught amara how to love. 

taught her that love was not just sharing “i love you”. the act of love went further than that, more intimate. love was about creating. constructing a world that fits the other one as much as oneself. trying to realize the best version of the world. and it was so much more than just creating. 

love was also about trust. being able to confide in your partner was just as important as the feelings that were developed in a relationship. they had to trust that the other would always be there to catch them, no matter what case. trust was just as important. it was valuable and once the trust was gone, even love would not be enough. 

but what amara treasured the most was communication. it made her feel seen, her problems were heard and not just swallowed down to forget. they compromised when they weren’t sharing the same opinion and talked it out when they felt misunderstood. amara had always thought men didn’t like talking about their feelings, especially with all the fights she had had with evan whenever he seemed angry but again, kylian proved that there was hope for the male population. 

he didn’t keep to himself. when something seemed to be bothering him, he cleared it quickly with her and cuddle sessions were often spent with him ranting, whenever he felt bad or annoyed at his team. but most importantly, he never took it out on her. 

no matter how complicated it got, how angry he sometimes seemed at paris, he never let any of his anger out on amara — he never even showed it. it was another way of expressing their love for each other; by being their best versions for each other. 

they were ready for everything. even for the big night that was awaiting them.

just thinking about the grammys made a shiver run through her body. in about fifteen minutes she would officially step into the public again. re-enter the high society of the music industry and make her comeback. and for the first time, she would be opening the grammys. to say she was nervous was an understatement — even cleaning her entire house seemed like a better idea at the moment. 

the closer the car got, the more she could hear fans screaming and yelling from outside. amara had truly forgotten what big importance the grammys played — the night that decided all. and she was nominated in eight categories. she hadn’t even made two last year and now she was nominated for eight — oh, how the tables could turn. 

“on a scale from one to ten, how nervous are you?” grace asked her softly, reaching for amara’s hand and squeezing it. 

“44,” amara replied stiffly, fidgeting with her fingers. her heart was pounding like a drum in her chest, even though in a few minutes she would put on her best million dollar smile. weeks had gone into the preparation for the grammys, especially since she was the one hosting and opening them. adding to that, she also had two more performances scheduled tonight and amara knew that they had to be perfect. everyone would be scrutinizing her, watching her with prying eyes and waiting for a slip up. 

the weight of expectations was suffocating her but she was not about to have a panic attack ten minuets away from the venue. and not when she looked this beautiful. 

the beautiful diamond-encrusted blue mermaid gown that had been specially made for her fit her like a second skin. the dress was gorgeous with its long tail and waves that emphasized the long slit and showed off her beautiful legs. it was made to turn heads and steal the show — perfect for amara tonight. her hair had been pulled into an elegant sleek bun that matched the neutral but glowing makeup. she looked breathtaking so why didn’t she feel like it?

“you are the star of the night and you know it. no album was as good as mon amour and everybody knows it. even the people on social media are backing you,” grace tried to assure her as amara took a deep breath. she was trying to steady her hands and stop the shivering but her nerves were getting the better side of her. 

was she very excited to spend the night with people who had turned their back on her the minute evan had started spreading his lies? no. but would she love wiping the smile off their face by stealing the show tonight? definitely. 

her redemption arc had gone perfectly. even better than she had imagined. she didn’t have any reason to be nervous. she was still fidgeting with her fingers as the car arrived but her nerves had calmed down a bit. this was her moment; her chance to show the world again that she was back and here to stay. 

she closed her eyes for a few seconds as the car pulled up in front of the venue, a small smile appearing on her lips as she heard all the fans screaming. she wasn’t sure if they were yelling for her or maybe a previous artist but it reminded her again of how much she had missed them. missed her own fans that had defended her till the end. she would step onto that red carpet and make everyone swallow their past words. that’s what she had been taught and no situation fit better than this one.

“it’s show time,” grace whispered excitingly and amara took one final deep breath. the driver then opened the door and amara stepped out, the defeating roar of the crowd hitting her like a sudden wave. 

the moment she had finally gotten out of the car, people making sure that her dress was okay, Fans reached a new height of their screams as they yelled out of excitement. everyone surged forward, trying to catch a glimpse of the attention of the star singer while paparazzis were literally blending her their cameras and constant pictures. amara turned around and waved to the fans, blowing them kisses while a huge smile formed on her face. 

as she walked towards the red carpet, even journalists who were reporting live from the event were shocked by what turmoil the arrival of amara imani caused. cameras were flashing constantly without a pause, nearly blinding her as they tried to capture every move. even the other stars who had arrived before her were stunned by her appearance — and the way they nearly saw white because of all those paparazzi trying to take the best picture of her. 

“oh my god, this is crazy,” amara exclaimed, her cheeks starting to hurt from all the smiling. 

“girl, what did you expect? eight nominations and your first grammy appearance since two years? of course you’re gonna be turning heads,” grace replied in a matter of fact- tone because it was obvious. “this is your night so enjoy it.”

guided by her team, she moved quickly along them before stoping for the final red carpet photos and the interviews grace had told her would he waiting for her. the poses came naturally to her though it became quite difficult to keep her eyes constantly open with the way photographers were flashing her with their cameras. she smiled one last time, turning a bit so that her entire dress was visible and was caught at every angle. and then it was interview time. 

with a smile plastered on her face, she stepped towards the first reporter, all cameras still on her. “wow, first let me say, you look gorgeous. you’re glowing tonight.”

“thank you so much. i would say i’m blushing but i can’t…,” she trailed off jokingly before becoming serious again. “nah, but i am really thankful for my team that organized all this and very thankful for the designers that created this dress for me.”

“well, amara, we all know that you prefer to hide the muse behind your new album but has it helped you with your success? especially after such a hard year?”

she took a deep breath, trying to form the perfect words in her head. “i guess, one could say so. choosing this privacy for my life this time seemed right at the moment and i do not regret it. i am still a bit amazed at mon amour’s success because all i did. was just expressing my love but i am grateful for the success.”

the reporter nodded before asking the next question. “amara,” she began, “your return to the music scene has been eagerly awaited by fans worldwide. i mean even i was excited when you announced that you were going to be present at the grammys. what inspired to do comeback and can we expect more music?”

amara laughed. “to be honest, it was my boyfriend who inspired me that i hid enough from the public. especially from an important night like this. but what concerns music, i do not know right now. i hadn’t planned mon amour till i had four songs ready in a short amount of time and thought i can do more. i guess we’ll see.”

she bid her goodbye to the reporter before moving along to the next one, who seemed completely marveled at her. 

“wow, amara imani is standing in front of me. i think i can die happily now.” he joked enthusiastically, making amara grin too. “okay, but jokes aside. you really do look gorgeous.”

she smiled cheekily. “thank you very much. i feel flattered that i made you accomplish your life goal.”

“so, how does it feel to be back on the red carpet after your long hiatus? any special feelings?”

she shrugged nonchalantly. “it’s amazing being back. it’s always a big honor to be invited but being nominated is always another step. i kinda missed the rush and my fans. a small part of me probably even missed the constant pictures.”

“it was announced that you were going to co-host the grammys alongside dua lipa but you also have a performance scheduled tonight. that are a lot of expectations for tonight, do you feel ready for that?”

she nodded happily, her hand subconsciously smoothing out her dress. “definitely. we spent weeks perfectioning this performance especially because it is my first after such a long time — and as for dua, we are good friends so it should be funny to host with her tonight. but i’m definitely ready.”

she waved at the reporter before going to the next.one that she had grown fond of over the years. naomi hart. 

“if it isn’t amara imani,” naomi greeted her cheekily, pressing two kisses on each of her cheeks. the typical french greeting the two had developed between each other. 

“naomi hart. my favorite journalist,” amara stated in the same tone, hugging her. the two women went way back to amara’s early days of fame when naomi took her aside and explained to her how the whole press thing even worked. 

“wow, you really look amazing. like can we just take a moment and admire your dress?” naomi exclaimed jokingly but with a slight tone of admiration. “and that necklace — must have cost a fortune.”

“thank you so much. it was a difficult choice choosing this dress but it’s nice knowing that the dress is doing what it’s supposed to do.” she chuckled, doing a little twirl with the dress. “and the necklace was a gift from my boyfriend.”

“oh, the mysterious boyfriend. wanna tell us more about him or about your grammy performance?”

she shook her head amusingly. “nope, not really. i kinda like the privacy we got. but concerning my performances, all i can say is that it’s gonna be a lot. i don’t know the word small but then again, let’s not give away too much,” she answered teasingly, winking at the camera. 

“well, i’m definitely excited for it. you better slay on that stage.” 

“i will,” amara stated firmly before grace walked up to her and the two were escorted inside by her security team. the show was officially starting now. 

“wow… long time no seen amara,” sarah pierson greeted her, smiling at her while amara only faked small one. that sarah played a big part in her time with evan had not been forgotten. especially because she was the one amara thought she could trust the most only to be stabbed in the back. the comments her former friend had let out about her had really showed amara who had actually been her true friends and who was just with her for the good parts. 

“wish i could say i missed you but mama taught me not to lie,” amara replied simply, fiddling a bit with the microphone in her hand. 

sarah sighed, brushing a few strands of her hair out of her face. “amara, don’t tell me you’re still mad about the past. i didn’t know evan was lying.”

amara shrugged nonchalantly, not caring anymore. “i’m over it. you had your fifteen minutes fame. that’s what you wanted right? and now that they’re over, you’re crawling back?” amara questioned sassily as she checked her makeup one last time in the mirror. “sorry sweetie,” she replied in the same sweet tone she had been used to receiving from her, “but you’re a bit late. now excuse me but i’m about to open the grammys.” 

she sent her ex-friend one last dirty glance before strutting past her, ignoring any other calls for her attention as she made her way backstage. she had spotted lots of people — people who had supported her through the backflash and people who hadn’t even bothered to send her a message through all that complicated time. it had given her the chance to realize who was truly on her side and who weren’t and sarah and her whole clique definitely were on the bad list. 

“was she bothering you?” amara had found dua and grace chatting friendly when she finally made her way back and the latter had instantly remarked the somewhat displeased expression on her face. 

amara waved dismissively. “it’s nothing, just some insincere apologies that i’ve already heard,” she replied shortly, adjusting her outfit. “is everything ready?”

dua looked at her phone one last time and nodded. “it’s nearly 8. the red carpet is over and people should be at their places,” her serious expression softened as she looked at amara suggestively. “is he here?” she asked slyly, emphasising the "he”. 

“you won’t get anything out of me,” amara laughed as dua nudged her lightly, making her laughter only increase. 

amara couldn’t imagine a better person to host the grammys with than dua. the two singers had immediately hit it off when they had been introduced three years ago at the grammys and had since then stayed in contact. dua had even sent her some messages when amara had taken her leave from the star business. and now the two girls found themselves next to each other again. a sweet reunion. 

“ready to get everyone dancing?” dua teased her slightly, moving a bit so the dancers could all take their place before she left to get in place to announce everything. 

“never been more ready,” amara stated confidently, as she stared one last time at her outfit. the silver metallic ensemble that she had chosen for this performance fitted her perfectly, like a second skin and made everything look very futuristic and modern. a complete contrast to the video of the song but the dancing would make up for it.

“have fun,” grace told her quickly, blowing her a kiss and quickly disappeared too as the lights started to dim, to catch everyone’s attention and signify that the night was about to start. and it was. 

amara was officially letting the entire world know that she was back.

it was pitch black. except a few phones, every source of light had been extinguished or turned off. everyone’s eyes were focused on the stage or rather the person that would be appearing soon on it. 

she took one last breath before going into her start position, microphone tight in her hand. the music then began to play as the curtains opened slowly and amara hid a small grin at everyone’s reaction. 

“i’m ready to pull up on you,” she sang the minute the music stopped and the screen became black again before she continued to sing again. she and grace had put a lot of effort into the visuals of her opening performance, with liyah sometimes pitching in as a pair of fresh eyes. but the way everyone was cheering for her, a surge of pride overcome her as she danced — everything was going great. 

she was back in her element, her true nature. performing. some people were great at singing while some prefered to dance but amara found herself home in both. and she always tried to perform for her public. give them a show. she wasn’t one to just sing and do some moves — if she was on stage, she had to do both: sing and dance. give people the time of their lives. and from the way everybody was dancing, clapping or even singing along, she was clearly succeeding. 

by the time the music for hrs&hrs started, people were clearly out of breath from all the activity but they felt alive and no one was sitting down. the song she was singing now was perhaps a bit slower but people could still be enjoying themselves by singing loudly along, which was a great pause. 

during the second song, amara had changed outfit and had switched from her metallic modern ensemble to a beautiful, silky green dress with two thick straps that shimmered under the light. she had let her hair open and in the short pause where the dancers had time to leave the stage and it went black again, amara could change her shoes and put on some black heels. they matched the dress perfectly. 

“and yours, mine and ours,” she sang gracefully as the music faded out and light illuminated the hall again. she smiled brightly at everyone as whistles and clapping erupted from her audience — how she had missed this. 

dua was the first one to join her on the stage again. “and with this, the 2024  grammys have officially begun. let’s all give a huge applause to amara imani for opening our night like this.”

again, huge applause filled the arena and amara playfully bowed down. 

“thank you for your warm welcome. it’s been a while since i last performed,” amara admitted sheepishly as she brushed some hair out of her face. 

“well given the audience, i think you were amazing,” dua congratulated her. “tell me your secret, how do you do it? be gorgeous and talented at the same time?”

“omg dua are you flirting with me?” amara asked shockingly, playfully putting a hand on her heart. “you’ve never been this nice.”

“took you long enough to catch up, huh?” both were grinning as they entertained the public, making the people present laugh. “okay but focus back. welcome to the 66th grammy awards everyone — a night created to celebrate some of the finest talent in the industry from pop to punk. i can assure you there is an award for everything, with big names, big performances and even bigger awards there is no shortage of entrainment for our viewers at home and here to enjoy. i’m dua…”

“and i’m amara. and we’re going to host the show tonight.” both finished the last words together, posing playfully. they laughed at each other again before dua pulled out the first envelope. “let’s kick off the night with our first winner.” 

amara thanked the person quickly that had handed them the envelope before giving it to dua who opened it. the stars were out in the sky and by the stage and both were in for a long night. 

the night was fully in motion. they had kicked off with announcing the grammy for best rock song of the year which had been followed by a performance from megan thee stallion and cardi b before several other winners had been announced. but none of the categories where amara had been nominated. the energy was high, everyone was in a good mood as they waited for the results of the night and there were no scandals that could be discussed slightly. 

she had even spotted evan, which truly confused her as she couldn’t find a reason why he would even be invited, but it didn’t bother her much anyway. tonight was about her. she could make history tonight, or better said, gain her place in history with eight nominations. though she didn’t think she would truly win all six.

amara found herself standing backstage as she watched lizzo perform while her heart pounded in her chest. just before the black beauty had started to entertain the public, they had read out the nominees for the category of “best r&b song”, a category she had been nominated under though. the energy in the room was beyond anything she could have imagined the last time with people dancing and singing along to songs. the nigerian singer found herself so lost in her thoughts, she didn’t even notice that the performance was nearly over. as she looked up, her hands instantly clapped when she saw that lizzo was exiting the stage amidst roaring applause. 

the stage was set for another celebrity to grace it as all nominees started to hope that it was their name being called out. even amara reached for grace’s hand for support and squeezed it lightly to calm down some of her nervosity. all eyes were on kelly clarkson who was set to announce the winner. 

“okay, so i’ve got the envelope here.” she began as she opened the envelope. “and the grammy for best r&b song goes to… amara imani!”

the arena erupted in a loud, ear-baffling cheers as the spotlight shifted to the winner. her name was plastered across the big screen on the stage while her music filled the stage as she stood there, stunned and frozen in disbelief. 

it felt surreal. she had just won her first grammy. so many days and months she had dreamt of this moment and yet she still didn’t feel prepared. she had done it. 

“girl, this is your moment,” grace whispered to her quietly and amara slowly made her way to the stage. her sensations were on another end, a flying sensation running through her body. she passed many fellow stars, who congratulated her on her way and offered her beaming smiles as she made her way onto the stage. 

she was instantly pulled into a hug by adele before the award was handed to her and amara took some seconds, just to breathe. the trophy was heavier than she had expected but still the proudest thing she had ever won. though as she thought about it, she noticed how it paled a bit. two years ago, she might have felt complete with it but today — she had already achieved the feeling of content and happiness. 

her voice trembled slightly with emotion as she started her small thank-you speech. “hey again, i guess. oh mon dieu, this feels so surreal to me. like someone’s about to pinch me and tell me it wasn’t me. or maybe james cordon is about to jump out with a camera and that little show where they would prank people,” she joked making the audience laugh. she wiped away some tears that were threatening to roll down her cheek. “this grammy means so much to me. but it wasn’t just my work. i want to thank my family, my friends, my fans who didn’t let me down after this chaotic year that i had. that i could still do it. this is everyone’s work who believed that amara imani could do it one day. but this grammy also isn’t just for me because we all,” she continued, referring to the other nominees, “released some terrific music. and the fact i was nominated with you is a lot. i guess i just have one more thing to say and that goes specifically to my mother. mama, if you’re watching this, which you probably are… we made it. the little girl dancing in front of mirrors made it.”

once again, the audience erupted into applause, their cheers echoing for her well-deserved win. amara was still a bit paralyzed, after all she had just won a grammy in a category she had been nominated with along beyonce. her heart filled with gratitude as she saw the sea of faces that looked all happy to see her succeed. no matter if some of them were fake or not true smiles. she was the one leaving the stage with the golden trophy in her hand. 

and it wasn’t the only one she would win tonight. amara couldn’t describe her feelings when she found herself on the stage again as winner of the grammy for best r&b performance. her heart raced and her heartbeat quickened as she gracefully accepted the grammy trophy in her trembling hands. everything around her seemed to fade away with overwhelming emotions and feelings rushing through her body. she felt it from her head down to her legs, that were shaking a bit. all the hard work was paying off, hours she had spent not sleeping and working instead. this was a part of her legacy now. 

and what made it even more emotional was the fact that liyah was the one to have handed her the grammy. she had pulled amara into a big hug, both girls taking all their strength to not cry and ruin their makeup. they remembered the days when they were just two girls, starting university and barely managing to get by and now they stood on the stage of the grammys with one handing the other her award. the years spent on youtube, with the dream of illuminating the world with her music had finally come true. here she was, standing on the biggest stage and walking it down with her second grammy. 

“i’m sooo proud of you,” grace instantly congratulated her, pulling amara into a hug again. “you did it. you showed everyone your place in the industry is the top. this all your work.”

“our work,” amara managed to squeeze out. this wasn’t just her achievement — it belonged to everyone who was somehow involved with her and the album. it belonged as much to her as it belonged to grace because without the latter, none of this would even have been possible. “we did this together.”

her mind was running at high speed with thoughts and emotions. she wanted to say so much but her voice was betraying her with words stuck in her throat. nothing could describe this feeling, this moment of pride she felt. 

“let’s see our next categories,” amara and dua had gone on the stage again after a short break to continue hosting. the two had already announced the grammy for best rap album, best rap song and best country album amongst other numerous things. they entertained the audience with short playful acts and teasing that came to them naturally. and amara was smiling even more because now she stood there as a two-time grammy winner. 

“but first of all, let’s hear it for adele who is going to grace us with her beautiful voice. i swear that woman just knows how to make you feel better during a breakup,” amara announced, laughing at the end of her phrase. 

“and you had the hardest of all time. did you play adele on repeat?” dua went along and amara nudged her slightly. “i can imagine amara imani at home, listening to adele while filling her stomach with ice cream.”

“can you blame me? anyway let's hear it for adele.” the lights dimmed again as the curtains opened and adele appeared. the hosts left the stage quickly and took their places next to grace and liyah to listen to the british singer. 

the atmosphere was beautiful, a mix of admiration and warmth as adele brightened the stage. “easy on me” was definitely one of her top songs with the way the lyrics were able to pull someone in so quickly and literally attach them to her voice. listening to adele was a journey that had to be felt in every inch of the body, it went further than just listening to it. it reminded amara again, why she looked up to adele and beyoncé so much. 

the performance was nothing short of breathtaking, with her eyes recounting every detail of the song. the entire arena was left speechless again, singing quietly along but all eyes were on stage. when the final note had been sung, the room erupted into loud applause, a standing ovation that seemed to go on forever.

after adele’s performance, it was sza to take the stage and announce the winner for best pop/duo group performance. she stepped up to the microphone with a huge smile firstly expressed her love towards adele before naming the nominees again . 

amara subconsciously grabbed liyah’s and grace’s hand, squeezing them both as her leg trembled a bit because of all the anticipation. “and the winner is… wow, amara imani, come get your third grammy of the night.”

the cheers were deafening and the camera turned to amara to capture her expression. grace and liyah pulled her in for a group hug, the friendship trip jumping up and down as they celebrated. she accepted hugs from stars next to her, such as taylor swift and chloe bailey before making her way to the stage. the two black artists shared a short embrace before sza stepped aside to let amara speak. 

“is this normal? i mean winning one is already incredible but winning three — damn. firstly a big shoutout to cardi b because she slayed just as much as i did,” amara pointed to the female ripper and blew her extra air kisses before continuing, “okay, so big thank you again to my mother. for pushing me into the arts when i told you back then i didn’t want to. and a big thank you to my father, for sacrificing his time to accompany me to rehearsals instead of watching football — though i’m pretty sure, though i’m sure you’re not that mad about it. to my amazing fans, thank you too for putting up with me and not turning insane when everyone was labeling me as a crazy bitch.” laughter erupted throughout the arena as she paused for a moment. “thank you to my boyfriend without whom i guess this song wouldn’t exist. standard thank you to my besties grace and liyah, all those late night facetime calls were definitely worth it.”

“to all the other people who were nominated here, i loved your performances. adele, just wow and lizzo, i love you,” she blew a small kiss towards the black artist who copied the act. “and lastly before i forget, thank you to my bestie’s boyfriend charles leclerc and the amara imani protection squad. it’s lovely that you love me enough to stay up till six in the morning for me. i love you guys.”

applause erupted once more as amara finished her speech and left the stage again. she rejoined grace and liyah, giving them her grammy and sat down again. there would be a commercial break any moment, which amara wanted to use to change her dress. because the way it seemed, there was no doubt that she was the big winner of the night. 

breathtaking was the only word that came to mind as amara looked at herself in the mirror. the exquisite black gown was the definition of elegance and beauty and fit amara like a second skin. it was perfect for the announcement of the award that everyone had been waiting for — the grammy for album of the year. 

the dress had been a gift from versace and it reflected her beautifully. the classical mermaid dress, covered with a beautiful lacework and black crystals created an ethereal image of her. 

the shoulderless dress perfectly highlighted the jewelry she was be wearing. especially the beautiful necklace, kylian had gifted her. 

“wow,” liyah exclaimed as amara walked out, her eyes spotting her. “they don’t do things half-way, do they?”

amara only chuckled and did a little spin to show every angle of the dress. the gown especially showcased her décolletage and with it, her boobs that seemed to be bigger than they actually were in this dress. 

“you look breathtaking,” grace appeared from behind them, having chosen to change her dress too. “gorgeous isn’t enough to describe this dress.”

“but it’s you who makes it shine,” liyah finished. “i wanna borrow that dress asap.”

amara laughed. “poor charles. you’ll drive him crazy if you ever wear that dress.” 

“and don’t tell me you plan to wear it to a casual date. let’s not disrespect this masterpiece,” grace chimed in which resulted in both laughing.

liyah shrugged dismissively. “never. but the next driver’s gala, if me and charles are still going strong, why not wear it there…” she trailed off, a playful expression on her face. “make him leave earlier to take it off me… what’s for sure is that we’ll definitely not be able to christen some toilets in this.”

“liyah!” amara exclaimed and began to laugh, joined by grace who also started to laugh due to amara’s infectious smile. 

“we all know i’m right though. i’m the bad bitch to his big d energy. but enough about my relationship. let’s talk about you, miss five-time grammy-award winner. no one stands a chance tonight. and don’t forget our bet,” liyah threatened in a joking way. 

amara held up her hands. “don’t worry. let’s go now before i miss the last performance. and i want to see bruno mars live at least once in my life.”

the trio went back to their seats again and sat down just in time as the lights went out. amara quietly thanked taylor who complimented her outfit and send a radiant smile towards ella mai who had gushed about the dress. 

the nominee’s names had all been said already along with a small introduction for each album but before they could announce the winner, they would firstly be graced with a honorary performance from bruno mars. 

amara jumped up to her feet when the stage transformed into a light spectacle and bruno mars along with his usual band stepped out. the crowd erupted into screams as he launched into a medley of his greatest hits and amara found no shame in herself as she sang loudly along. and it seemed that she wasn’t the only one. 

the entire arena had gotten on their feet to dance to bruno mars. they sang along to every word of ‘locked out of heaven’ screaming around out of joy. bruno mars certainly held that power — bringing together everyone and getting everybody to dance. 

it felt too short as the last notes of his performance were played out and the song came to an end. amara was one of the first persons to clap, hardly being able to contain her excitement. after bruno mars performance, she felt recharged with energy again. his performance just brightened the whole atmosphere. especially because the evening was coming to an end. 

it was the vibing of her phone that tore her attention away from the stage as she picked up her phone. instantly a smile appeared on her face when she saw that it was kylian and she instantly opened it. they had spoken earlier but it had been to his time, shortly before nine and amara couldn’t imagine him being awake now if it hadn’t been for her. 

𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐄

amara turned around, hoping to spot kylian wherever he was hiding but it was useless since the biggest award of the night was about to be announced. she would be lying if she wasn’t nervous even though she had already won five prices that night. but the sixth would make her break history, mark her place in the music industry. she knew that this moment could change her career forever — winning six grammys in one night. and knowing that kylian was there suddenly seemed to make everything sound not as bad as it seemed. 

“oh mon dieu, beyoncé is going to present the award,” liyah exclaimed, her eyes widening. 

as usual, the audience clapped loudly and whistles when beyoncé took the stage, walking elegantly towards the microphone. amara felt a sort of intimidation as she looked at beyoncé, knowing what the woman in front represented. excellence, grace, talent. simply perfection. 

and she was more than that for amara. she was the one to get amara into the music industry, she discovered her and made sure that her star was shining. there was a bond between them since the recording of brown skin girl — a mentor-student relationship that had made her rise. 

the renowned artist began with a small recounting of how she used to stand down there and reflected shortly on how all those albums actually deserved an award. opening the envelope, beyoncé did a small double take before laughing. smiling she announced into the microphone, “and the grammy for best album of the year goes to… amara imani. congratulations!”

one second, everyone was processing what had just happened, the next amara found herself engulfed by liyah and grace and three girls were jumping up and down. a few tears of joy were streaming down her face as she celebrated, not really believing what had just happened. when the two let go, amara was pulled into hug by cardi b followed by taylor swift before she made her way upstage. 

she approached the microphone slowly and tenderly embraced beyoncé who passed her the golden trophy. amara wiped away some of her tears, her head already looking for ways on how to form a sixth thank you speech. her eyes mirrored gratitude and happiness— she felt out of this world. 

“congratulations amara. you just put yourself onto history,” beyoncé praised her. “i am so proud that i was your mentor and helped you get there.”

“if anything i need to thank you for even giving me a chance. for actually being there for me. thank you queen b,” she thanked the woman in front of her, who smiled at her fondly and placed her heart on her heart. “this dream became true because of you. you are so much more than just my mentor. you were my inspiration and my idol. and that will never change.”

everyone smiled softly as they watched amara imani and beyoncé share an emotional moment that was finalized with a big hug. everyone knew the little background story to them; how beyoncé has started praising a random black girl on youtube to even inviting her for a collaboration — the queen had always had her back. their bond resembled a mother-daughter bond. 

after both pulled away from their hug, beyoncé left the stage and it was time for amara to hold her last thank you speech. her eyes scanned the room, where they spotted her best friends grinning teasingly at her and suddenly amara had the perfect idea. 

“so the first two person that i want to say thank you are my parents. it’s because of them and their desire to give me the world that i am here. thank you to my sister for always pulling me up and backing me when i needed you. then my best friends, liyah and grace who is also my manager because honestly, i don’t know if amara imani would exist if it wasn’t for those two. they built me up, made me stronger and showed me that family was more than just blood. a big shoutout to my entire team — you did all the hard work. i just wrote the songs but you guys are the ones who spend hours and hours adjusting everything, letting everything sound perfectly and making sure that every tune is sounding the way it should. it’s more work than people think and you deserve this prideful feeling as much as me.”

a small grin made its way on her lips when she finally spotted kylian. she took a deep breath — this was the moment everyone was waiting for. millions of people were watching just to see whether she would finally uncover the mystery of her beau to the world.

“and lastly, i want to thank the love of my life who inspired me to write this entire album. kylian, this album was for you— this grammy belongs to you because all i did was just writing about the way you were loving me. about the way we loved,” she expressed, laughing as she looked him straight into the eyes. shocked gasps, whistles and whispers of astonishment erupted throughout the crowd as they followed amara’s eyes and fell onto kylian. even the cameras were zooming in to catch the revealing moment. 

“thank you for going to training tiredly just because you stayed up all night, listening to me rehearsing. thank you for enduring all of my weird mood swings during the process of recording this album or organizing self-care days because you saw how tired i was. for giving me inspiration to even write this,” she wiped away a tear that had escaped, “i want to thank you for staying with me — even at my lowest and hardest times. there are so many things i want to thank you for but i doubt we have enough time for that. but one last thing: mon amour, je t’aime.”

a roar of applause, bigger than any tonight, rolled over the entire audience. everyone was clapping with smiles on their faces and the camera zoomed in on kylian’s face — everyone was excited to finally get a look at the man who had captured amara imani’s heart. 

since she was scheduled to perform now anyway, amara just waited for dua to join her on stage again. grace had informed her that the winner of album of the year would be performing and in this case it had been her. and amara wanted hers to be the most memorable one from the past. 

dua pulled her into a tight hug, congratulating her before announcing the nigerian singer just as tradition asked for it as the winner of the night and calling her up for her performance. 

“soo… at first i thought about performing xo but honestly… i don’t feel like this song fits now and i lost a bet,” amara chuckled, “so i thought of something else. just like i promised. i do have one special request for someone.” 

her eyes stared straight at him. “kylian, would you please join me on stage?”

the french striker furrowed his eyebrows, a confused expression turning up on his face as he listened to her request. his eyes darted around his surroundings, numerous celebrities encircling him. he looked at her, waiting for her to explain her request but she just nodded at him, waiting for him. 

grace nudged him lightly. “go,” she motivated him and he reluctantly got up from his seat to join his girlfriend on stage, greeting some celebrities on his way up that he had met with psg before. even though he, himself, was a celebrity he felt like an outsider at the grammys, surrounded by all those stars and artists. 

“want to tell me what you’ve got planned?” kylian whispered quietly, making sure his words weren’t picked up by the microphone.

“nope,” amara responded shortly. “just relax and enjoy.” 

the stage lights went dark again as the music started to play in the background. just like always, when the two were together, the world around them started to blur and only they mattered. no one else fit into their blurb, everything around them just faded away. 

their stare went deeper than just their iris, with their eyes going deeper than just the soul, as the music played in the back. time was frozen at the moment; they didn’t care if millions of people were currently watching them on tv — no one else mattered. this was their moment. 

“‘telling everybody you’re mine and i like it, and i really hope you don’t mind i can’t fight it.” her voice was soft, tender as she sang to him, her dark-brown eyes not leaving him. her body nearly melted in his embrace, his hands steady on her waist as they swayed on the stage together. if her voice didn’t tell their love story, their eyes and the way they looked at each other definitely did. his eyes held a kind of look, elderly people often told their grandchildren about in tales: the look of love, that completely enamored look that had taken over his entire face. that innocent kind of love that had become so rare around the world. if destiny ever made them go separate ways, then faith was truly cruel. 

every word hit him deeper than any ball he had ever received and went through his soul. each word was sung with a certain sincerity, vulnerability— amara was laying all of herself over for him, every of her walls. just for him. 

“that we found the one in one another”

his hands were wrapped around her waist, with her back facing him as she buried her head in his shoulders, leaning back. their bodies fit like a puzzle and the feeling of comfort spread instantly while they danced slowly to the rhythm, lost in each other and the meaning of the song. 

amara had never planned to actually release the song — her true and final love letter to kylian. but she had made the mistake of showing liyah and grace the unreleased song and both had instantly fallen in love with it which is how they came to the bet. and now amara was happy that she had accepted and lost the bet because the moment she was currently sharing with kylian — no money on the world could ever buy her that feeling again. 

“spend my life with you, alright”

 their chemistry was undeniable. even a blind man would be able to see how much in love they were. just the way they moved, perfectly synchronized with that certain amount of grace and elegance.  

the french striker was definitely more than mesmerized by her. his heart belonged to her and only her. no words did justice to describe her as she sang—even angelic was not enough to describe her. and she was more than just the sun in his universe. and it was vice versa. 

kylian was more to her than just her soulmate. no term in any language would ever measure up to the significance he held in her heart. nothing could ever compare to the feelings that emerged when he held her or just smile at her. the way his smile managed to drown out everything else. even memorizing it wasn’t enough anymore, she needed to see it constantly. and she had fallen in love with every flaw that he portrayed and carried. they had created a safe space around each other, that let them live like they wanted. amara had simply found her best friend in her lover; the true significance to a soul mate. 

“baby, while we’re young,” amara began to sing the last verses, as the rhythm became easier and the music started to fade out. she was smiling bigly, her cheeks from hurting from its width but she couldn’t stop herself. the amount of serotonin her body was producing at the moment was too much to not show any signs of it. and it seemed kylian was feeling the same. “and walk hand in hand to the sun.”

the song officially came to an end as kylian gave amara one last spin. they both leaned in, foreheads touching as they stared at each other utterly enamored. they didn’t have to say anything, their grins were enough to communicate with each other. even as havoc broke out in the audience, with applause rushing over along with whistles and calls for more but the two did not let go of each other. 

“je t’aime,” amara mouthed, exhausted but happy nonetheless. 

“plus que la galaxie.” he finished, matching her facial expression. 

in the end, the only time they needed was for each other. they were enough for each other, completely in love and ready to face the world together. 

𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐌

𝐤.𝐦𝐛𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞

liked by amara.imani, achrafhakimi and 28.083.964 others

k.mbappe mon amour 

view all 372.546 comments

username THE WAY I SCREAMED

username MY PARENTS

username i want what they have 😫

username same, like WHEN IS IT MY TURN

amara.imani je t’aime

k.mbappe 🫶🏾 

username new power couple incoming

ousmanedembele finally! it was getting so hard to keep it a secret

antogriezmann talking as if you haven’t spilled it to everyone you met

username we all owe this man an apology

username FR like sorry, we were not familiar with your game

username and the caption: mon amour 😭😭

username especially because amara posted je t’aime, they’re such an iconic couple

username just looking at all those pictures, makes me cry. they look so in love

username but how were they able to keep it a secret for soo long

username mbappe scoring on and off the pitch

username MY NEW PARENTS

username same, i just want them to adopt me

achrafhakimi A HARD LAUNCH IN THIS OCONOMY

ousmane_dembele we taught him so well

jkeey4 FINALLY! NOW I CAN FINALLY HYPE HER UP IN PUBLIC

aurelientchm DANCE PARTY AT THE NEXT RESSEMBLÉ

amara.imani THE GANG IS GETTING BACK TOGETHER

paulpogba ma sister, welcome to the family officially 

𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐚.𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐢

liked by liyah_clark, k.mbappe and 29.754.368 others

amara.imani je t���aime

view all 172.530 comments

username i fuckin knew it

k.mbappe t’es ma reine

amara.imani mon roi

username WHAT WHAT— WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN

username i literally screamed when she hard launched her relationship yesterday

username how were we sooo blind

liyah_clark you guys are soo cute

liyah_clark i also just wanna brag that we were the first persons she told about kylian

graceywood remember when she freaked out because he kissed her on the cheek?

liyah_clark omg stop. you’re making me feel old 

graceywood feels like such a long time ago when they were pining after each other

antonellarocuzzi welcome to the wag life

username oh my godd, why can’t that be me 😫

username WHAT DID WE MISS

username how the heck did kylian mbappe pull my wife?

username MAMA WHO’S THIS

landonorris the fact we were the first to know

charles_leclerc surprised you didn’t spill it immediately 

pierregasly liyah threatened him to keep his mouth shut

liyah_clark accusations!

lewishamilton congratulations to you two, you make a beautiful couple

amara.imani thank u sir

[cyberphuck]

The Patreon Post

SO HERE'S THE DEAL: I do not want to make anyone have to pay to see my art.

Let's be real: there are like fifty bajillion other, more skilled, and better-known artists on Patreon putting out more detailed, more unique, more in-demand, and just more art than I am (or want to). I'm a self-taught, frequently distracted amateur who's had an iPad for a year. I'm not gonna pretend that I am going to be able to pull in more Patreon subs-- or keep them, for that matter-- on the strength of my random doodles alone. I have never really thought or even hoped that I could do that, because it would mean Doing Art As A Job, and I absolutely do not want to associate "drawing" with "work." (I also don't have the means, time, motivation or experience to self-promote and/or keep a small community of followers entertained, and even the thought of having to do all that on top of having to Draw For Work is terrifying.) There's the self esteem-destroying gutpunch that someone with BPD (me haha!) receives when they ask if something they created is "worth" a certain amount and are answered with silence. (If you have BPD, you know that 'silence' is so much worse than 'no.') I don't think that anyone is actually saying my work is worthless any more than I think stairs were invented to fuck over people with bad knees, but I want to avoid one for the same reason I avoid the other: hurts and bad for healing. And also, maybe most importantly, most of the fans of my work are my friends, and most of my friends are poor people. I do not ever want someone to have to choose between "Eggman weeping as he cradles a slain Speedy Gonzales" and "rent." Lots of people I know just don't have any money to spare even for professionally made entertainment, or, like me, sometimes they have money (yay, beginning of the month!) and sometimes they don't (booo, end of the month). I'm not gonna put a paywall between my friends and my art. So, as always, you can view all of my art on Patreon for free, without an account*. (*you will have to have an account to view NSFW stuff but this will be in the 'free' tier as well.) H O W E V E R. You guys I am so fucking poor. If you follow my blog you know the whole story already-- mental illness, chronic illness, chronic mental illness, surprise rescue puppies, surprise fines from the city, the fukken recently concussed clown show that is social services in my area-- and you've seen me having to crowdfund for everything from food to gas to dog emergencies. We budget down to the cent and have cut out so many things (like the meal replacement shakes for my eating disorder lol) and we're still not making ends meet. I've got friends who help, and they help a lot, but I hate the miserable, humiliating task of asking for help every single month. (You guys also know that I don't have family that can help me, even if shit goes critical. I was on my own while I was a homeless sex worker, on my own when we lived in a shed with no windows, on my own when we were in a house with no heat and only one source of running water, and definitely on my own now, in desperate need of mobility aids, house cleaners, and a god damn break.)

So here's where I'm at: I can't ask a few people for a lot of support, but I can ask a bunch of people for a little bit. If you like my art and want to help me keep making it, want to help me make shitpost replies to people on the internet, want to help me do free askbox art challenges: Put your doodle prompt requests in the askbox. You can even request stuff anonymously! Participate in polls about what prompts you wanna see. Reblog the art you like, show off the doodle you got, leave keysmashes in the tags. The more people see the post, the more statistically likely it is we'll find the one person on Tumblr with disposable income. Also, people should know they can get free art when the prompts are live! Sub to the Patreon if you can spare three bucks a month (you can also do Ko-fi if you don't want to make a Patreon account). Ko-fi is also a good place to just plunk something into the tip jar once in a while. There are Artcards and Monthly Sketch sub tiers on Patreon for a little bit more, but I will send an Artcard to pretty much anyone who asks as long as I have some left. The art is free, it will always be free. But if you can, spare a dollar (or three).

[saintheartwing]

Analyzing Arcane: The Redemption of Jinx (MAJOR SPOILERS!!!)

I know when to admit when I'm wrong. And I thought Powder, or rather, Jinx...was just plain beyond help. It looked like she'd fully given into her worst self.

And then...Arcane, Season 2, shows me how wrong I was...with the introduction of Isha.

We get a tiny HINT it's not too late for Jinx when she actually HAS a chance to shoot her sister...when her sister comes looking for her in the arcade they spent so much time in, and picks up Claggor's goggles.

She's fingering it, lost in thought about the past, and Jinx cries. It's not just the fact that it's her sister and all her emotions about what's happened recently are flooding, she's probably also thinking about how what she did got her friends killed as she watches her sister hold one of the last remnants of her friend's memory. And she just can't do it. She can't shoot her sister.

She runs off and runs into trouble, and of all people...SEVIKA is the one who helps out. The two used to hate each other, but with Silco gone, the two bond over the mess he's left them in. The Underground's crime bosses are tearing each other apart and innocents are caught in the middle, and they have a hole left in their lives, cuz despite the fact that he didn't do much on his own...Silco had a way of bringing people together and uniting folks that kept order. Things were mostly under control...now they're not. Now, the rules are gone.

And it seems Jinx wants to die. She lets Vi and Cait track her down and they're obviously intent on killing her. And Jinx is just fine with Vi doing that despite an initial and vicious fight.

In truth, when it's clear Vi's won, Jinx is like "I'm glad it was you" and just lies there ready to die. Then...Isha rushes in to save her.

And this...this is how we see what Jinx really needs. Jinx's entire life she has been almost entirely dependent on others for what she needs because she can't exactly manage on her own. The trauma she endured in losing her parents had her relying first on Vander and Vi, then on Silco. Then without him...without ANY kind of support structure...any kind of love...

She just doesn't have anything to live for. Then, with Isha, things change.

Now, she's not building bombs. She's painting bugs and having them do fun little gladiatorial battles. SHE'S the big sister figure who has to be responsible. And while all of this is happening, the city of Zaun is seeing Jinx as a rebellion against the police state Piltover is becoming, using her blue hair as a symbol of uprising, stoked BY Isha who imitates Jinx to help further stoke the flames of rebellion.

Later, Isha gets captured along with a bunch of other Zaun residents and tossed into Stillwater Prison. Jinx goes with Servika to bust them out, and...they're all grateful to see her.

All of them are just so happy she busted them out, she's absolutely stunned. She's NEVER had so many people openly happy to see her. And she's touched. And then...

Then it gets back. Warwick, the werewolf-esque beast that mad scientist Singed's been basically working on in the background of the series gets let loose.

And frankly her gun is like a POPGUN to him, it barely does a thing. It looks bad, real bad...until...he recognizes two things. One...the bomb she's got in her hand when she tries to blow herself and him up together. And two...her face. Her hair. Her eyes.

And he says one word that has Jinx realize the truth. The awful, yet still hopeful truth.

"Powder?"

Yes.

It's Vander. Jinx realizes her father figure isn't dead. She goes to Vi to tell her all about it, realizing that if Vander is TRANSFORMED but still able despite everything to recognize HER...then perhaps all the damage that was done all those years ago, maybe it's not impossible for it to be fixed. They can still be a family. It might not be what it was...but it'd be having her father back. Her sister back. And when they eventually find him in the mines, Vi actually reaches through to him.

I just about broke out crying here. They are a found family once again. Naturally, they want to try and cure their dad OF him being all big, furry and with violent tendencies, and luckily, Victor has a commune of people he's been healing of terrible wounds. He can make the blind see and the lame walk and all that, and he's happy to welcome Vander in, seeing him as perhaps his biggest test. He's a bit more...creepy cult leader but his compassion hasn't changed. For once, the sisters have hope. Vi even suggests "hey maybe we could stay here in this commune, it actually seems really nice" and Jinx is like "Wait...you WANT my opinion"? She'd been afraid Vi wanted nothing to do with her anymore. Now though that Vander seems like he'll be back to his old self, AND she has her sister and Isha though, Jinx is actually happy.

The selfishness she had inside her simply needed to be balanced out with a real support structure. She needed to know she was loved. She needed to know that Vi WOULD never give up on her. That love won't change. Nothing can change that bond, not ever.

Sadly...things end horribly. Singed comes by and he's brought Ambessa AND the Noxian army with them...just as JAYCE has come round. As we find out later on, Jayce has basically been to a bad future and he's seen what he thinks happens if Viktor is allowed to just keep doing his cult stuff...his idea of healing people will actually allow Hextech to overrun all of Piltover and BASICALLY ANNHILATE EVERYTHING into a kind of watercolor painting nightmare. The only way to stop it...is to kill Viktor, who's mentally STILL trying to heal Vander.

So Singed stops the curation of Vander AND with Victor being almost killed by Jayce, Vander is tragically lost in the beast of Warwick, and he's going wild. Worse still, there's only one way they can get away from him AND the Noxian forces, as Isha has gotten hold of the gem cores that have so much magic power...the ones which can EXPLODE. She loads three into Jinx's gun, dives under Warwick, and...

...well...

The good news is our heroes get away. The bad news is Jinx has now lost her father again, AND lost Isha. She is at her absolute lowest point.

She's not eating. She's so dirty and not bathing. Her hair is growing overlong. She even apologies to Cait saying that she never meant to kill Cait's mother, she didn't know she was even in the tower she fired on. Not that it excuses what she did.

Her inner voice in the form of Silco, now with a blue eye to contrast against the orange eye he had in real life, tells her that killing is a cycle. It's only stopped...when someone gets the courage to finally walk away. Jinx feels that he's right. There's only one way she can break the cycle. There is no "Good version" of her. She should die.

But who should show up? The "Boy Savior". Ekko.

Ekko has been VERY busy. Thanks to an experiment with Jayce and Heimerdinger, they got tossed into alternate timelines. In the one he and Heimerdinger ended up in, although Vi died...basically everything went great. Zaun got full freedom, it's basically utopian, his father figure Benzo AND Vander are alive, in fact Silco and Vander made good and they're still friends. Claggor and Mylo are inventors. POWDER is one too and she's...well, CUTE! He actually got a kiss with her on the rooftop they spent so much time at as a child. It's heartbreaking and touching. And he's there now with a "gift"...the work of him, Powder and Heimerdinger in that timeline...a device that sends you back four seconds in time. Though any damage done to you remains.

And so Ekko talks her down from the edge. "No matter WHAT happened in the past, it's NEVER too late to build something new".

She notices the device...and she sees those monkeys. She knows full well SHE didn't build that...though in a way she did, and I think she puts two and two together seeing his time travelling machine. And she makes the choice to fight for Piltover and Zaun against the oncoming hordes of Noxians, fighting alongside her sister.

Thanks to Ekko's time-travelling abilities, Jayce, Jinx, Cait, Mel, all our heroes manage to succeed. But Vi, seeing Vander in the state he's in, can't bring herself to just leave him...which is a mistake. Vander seems basically gone...and so Jinx sacrifices herself to save Vi.

Seemingly blowing herself and Warwick up, though it's implied at the VERY, VERY end that perhaps she's NOT dead, because a zeppelin flying off is the last shot. A zeppelin JUST like the one Powder said one day she'd be flying in...

With THAT...as "The End"..

So...the bottom line of the show being that if you're willing to change and make yourself better...you CAN be. It isn't too late for you. Though you cannot do it on your own. People need to be surrounded with those that love and care for them to give them that final push sometimes, and that's a good thing. The whole season two has shown that if Jinx had the love and care of those who she loved and cared for...she could be the "better version of her". And seeing Vi would never, ever give up on her gave her the strength to be that.

I've never been so happy to be proven wrong about a character. Thank you, Riot Games, and thank you, Fortiche, the French studio that made the beautiful animation for this amazing series.

Seriously, folks. Go watch this on Netflix. PLEASE.

[alicentflorent]

I feel like Alicent “realizing she’s in a patriarchy” council scene isn’t bad like you’re saying. Alicent knows she’s in a patriarchy, yes, but like Rhaenys said in s1- Alicent is trying to carve out a small window in her prison, she frankly doesn’t have much of an opportunity to break out of her prison, but if she had never put Aegon on the throne then life under Rhaenyra’s rule WITH her friendship would have put Alicent in a better position. Alicent knows it’s a patriarchy, but she realized that small window she made (when she ruled in Viserys’ place, when her sons listened to her) is now completely closed.

"I sent an ask about Alicent and the patriarchy and I want to add that I don’t think it’s alicent’s fault that Rhaenyra got supplanted, alicent’s support might not have mattered much since they were scheming against Rhaenyra without her, but Alicent herself probably feels like if she had at least not aided in her own destruction it would be better. But bc Alicent herself supported Aegon, she now sees that she has no place anywhere with no one listening to her, I mean Aegon would listen to her but she has grown distant from him for many reasons"

I think the idea that Alicent would have a better life under Rhaenyra's rule with her friendship isn't as likely as we would like to think. She might be trying to carve a window in her prison but unfortunately this is a reality for most westerosi women. All they can do is hope that they are able to make their lives better, hope that their fathers. husbands and sons allow them a certain level of privilege and power which they can just as easily take away and this is what happened to Alicent. Rhaenys herself spent her life only having power because of her Targaryen blood and because Corlys allowed her to have a voice.

Alicent is in a very complicated position. She could have stayed loyal to Rhaenyra but what happens if they have a falling out again? Alicent can't lose Rhaenyra's loyalty because she would need Rhaenyra to protect her children. Otto wasn't wrong when he told her she could remain loyal to Rhaenyra and beg for her to have mercy on her children when/if the time comes. Is that really a better life? Alicent would still fear for her children's lives and have to always stay on Rhaenyra's good side. Rhaenyra also had no bond with her half siblings even before Alicent turned on her.

This is how I think it likely would have went: Alicent stays loyal to Rhaenyra for the duration of the ten year time jump then the whispers of Rhaenyra's childre's parentage get louder. They are protected by Viserys and Rhaenyra of course but this gives people who plan to overthrow Rhaenyra another reason why Aegon is the better choice. Westeros would never accept a bastard being passed off as legitimate on the throne. Rebellions throughout history break out over the littlest things so it would be easy for rebels to push the misogynistic idea that Rhaenyra is unfit as woman and that she is a whore who bore bastards while Viserys has three legitimate sons. What if Aemond, for example still wanted the throne? Sure he may have turned out differently but Viserys had no interest in preparing him for any kind of future and if he had bonded with any other men who put ideas into his head he could end up rebelling. Then there is the issue of Daemon - he was always the real threat to Alicent's children because he hates them and Alicent, Rhaenyra marrying Daemon after Laenor's mysterious death might also cause a rift between them because Alicent might fear what daemon will do. The best scenario might have been sending Aemond and Aegon to the wall and Daeron to be a Septon or Maester but that doesn't protect them from scheming politicians or rebels who will push their claims regardless. If not during Rhaenyra's reign, it could happen during Jace's.

Basically, there was no good outcome in Alicent's situation and in an ideal world as someone who shipped young rhaenicent I would like to them presenting as united front as a family but unfortunately that isn't how life in Westeros works. In every scenario, Viserys dies leaving a succession crisis in his wake because he decided to remarry and have more children without considering the potential problems all because he was weak and attracted to a teenager. There was no stopping the Dance, All Alicent could do was try to make the best of an impossible situation. She was thrown into the lions den by Otto, and birthed four children who were a threat to Rhaenyra simply by existing. .

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

Ive been making a conscious effort to not talk about palestine every time i express support for jewish people and israel. i refuse to constantly add disclaimers on my beliefs. yes, this post where i DO express support for palestine IS a bit hypocritical, however the key words here are "every time".

i believe in a two state solution. I believe every loss of life is tragic and that includes palestinians. Whether they were killed by the IDF, hamas, or something else, it's awful. i also understand that this is how war works and I refuse to glorify that and pretend like civilians never get caught up in war. if i do that, and i pretend that things like war and revolution are anything but tragic, then im on the same level as people who say they want to "firebomb a walmart". I have space in my mind and my heart to understand that these deaths are saddening AND they are also a simple fact of war.

I also feel just as sad about IDF soldiers dying, yet again i understand that soldiers dying is a simple fact of war. just because something is bound to happen doesnt make it any better, but i refuse to pretend to be shocked and surprised by events that have happened in every single war. i refuse to pretend like war is ever noble and glorified and not just a bunch of people getting caught up in violence.

the circumstances change how i feel about civilian deaths btw. some of them are not people who just got caught in the crossfire of a horrible situation, some of them were actively targeted, and that's infuriating. war is terrible enough without people actively going out of their way to cause even more harm to civilians.

i want palestinians to be safe. i want them to have their own state that is not run by a terrorist organization where they can live in peace. they deserve to be happy and they deserve to have people who will listen to their concerns instead of using them for political gain or social media attention. they are people like anyone else, so ofc they're not universally good or bad (because no group is), but they are resilient and strong. i deeply respect any group with those traits. i hope this war can end soon, i hope palestinians get a state, i hope israel is able to thrive, i hope the hostages come home, and i hope that hamas is destroyed.

this is the most im gonna say abt this for a while. i feel no need to consistently defend my stance on this war.

[lovelessrage]

Hi! I've been trying to educate myself on various aro and ace experiences and concepts, and I find your blog really helpful with that. However, I have a question about lovelessness that I wonder if you could help me with?

While reading a post about lovelessness that seemed influential (https://aroworlds.com/2019/07/16/i-am-not-voldemort-an-essay-on-love-and-amatonormativity/) I started thinking about families and the responsibilities of parents. I know someone (not aro or ace) who has struggled a lot in their adult life because their parents showed little emotion/tried to repress bad emotions to protect their children, and who never told their children that they loved them. This person feels unworthy of love today and has been going to therapy for years to try to manage it. Obviously it's very complicated and no one can know for certain where this person's issues stem from, but I was just curious to hear about a loveless person's opinion on this topic.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is, do you think loveless parents have a responsibility to show their children love / tell them that they are loved even if they (the parent) does not actually experience love?

Would be very grateful for a response and I hope this does not come across as rude 🙏

Well, I think, at least in my personal opinion, there's many ways to show affection to children beyond saying "love". The thing is, children learn what you teach them. If you teach them love as the final frontier, the wholeness of your care, and then take it from them, they'll notice its absence. So, you... don't base your child's worth on love! You base it on something else.

If you tell a child you care for them, you want the best for them, you are proud of them, etc. from an early age, they can still feel cared for without "love" needing to be said. You can show affection in a lot of ways! You just need to show your child those ways and establish early that you still care, even if you don't use the same language other parents might use. Kids can recognise when they were raised differently, so a parent should be ready to have conversations about why they're different from their peers. It can be a good way to introduce your child to the fact it's okay to be different than people around them, and that they don't need to be exactly like every other family.

The main holding point is the expectation that someone would teach their child that love is absolute and then refuse to give it to them; this just isn't realistic. Any loveless parent who wants healthy kids isn't going to enforce love normativity just to dissapoint their children by not being able to give it. How someone cares for their child varies, and it's a conversation you can have properly when they're old enough to understand. But, in the meantime, there's many, many ways to have a child feel safe and secure without saying "I love you". It's about building their confidence and support network, not establishing love as the most important thing in the world so you can tell your toddler they can't have it. THAT'S how you screw up a baby. When they're older and can understand more complex concepts, you can talk about the word "love" as a family and what it means to you and your child. It'll depend on each and every person what comes of that, but regardless, it's important to reaffirm love isn't necessary for that child to be an important part of your life.

They have an obligation to show their child they are wanted, they are welcome, they are safe with you, and they are cared for; this doesn't necessitate love. All it takes are dedicated parents willing to put in the work required for raising a baby, and make sure their child knows they mean the world to them without using the word "love".

[Plus, from personal experience as someone who did get told I was loved by my family? It didn't help me out. At all. Mostly because the word meant nothing when they did not back it up with anything. Love only means as much as you put into it.]

[the-badger-mole]

Hi,

Hope you are doing well. I saw some of your How I Met Your Mother posts, and that got me a little intrigued, because I watched that show and was stumped by its ending.

Anyways, I wanted to ask you, also inspired by YouTube videos of the show, do you think having that fixed endpoint was wrong? Because some of the videos make it seem that if the show was to end by season 2, then that made ending made sense, but extending it to nine seasons, it would have been better to change the ending. Also, one other thing I found is that even if Ted did show up outside Robin's house as the end, there is no chance of a happy ending there because they never really got those issues that caused them to break-up to be resolved at all. Just because Ted and Robin's respective goals are achieved does not mean the issues probably won't be there.

I would like your thoughts on this.

Having a fixed endpoint for a story is tricky. I'm not saying it should never be done, but up until the last season or 2 of HIMYM, the writing was so well done, so careful to remember plot threads and foreshadowings and running gags that it set up in earlier episodes. They wrote characters and relationships that felt real, and made the audience care, and yet, they couldn't pull off the ending they'd written almost a decade earlier.

I agree with the take that the ending they wrote could only have worked if the show ended in season 2. And it's their own fault. They did far too good a job showing why Ted and Robin didn't work. Then they did too good a job showing why Robin and Barney DID work. I started wanting to see the two of them end up together from the first season (although, I do maintain that Robin being single would've been a great ending for her, too). The one episode that I think should've clued the writers in that their endgame pair didn't work any more was "Baby Talk". Specifically the talk that Robin has with Ted, where he complains that she didn't make him feel needed during their relationship, and then her conversation with Barney where he tells her she didn't make him feel needed during their relationship, and that was awesome. The reason why Ted and Robin ultimately didn't work isn't just because they had a difference of opinion about having kids, or career plans. They were fundamentally incompatible personality-wise. That's not a failing on either of their parts, but it is irreconcilable. In the end of the show Ted has his kids and they're nearly grown, and Robin has been able to travel for her career, but their personalities haven't changed much. Ted still wants a fairytale ending, and Robin is still fiercely independent and doesn't need him (and btw, she isn't even that old. She'll probably still be traveling, which I doubt Ted will appreciate since it'll still mean either giving up his career and proximity to his kids who seem to still be in high school and will need support through college, or staying home and having a long distance relationship with a woman who is probably meeting a lot of interesting and interested people without him. His jealousy issues could NEVER).

Having a set ending can work. I've written fics where I knew exactly how I wanted them to end, so I know it can work. But i also know that sometimes the plot or the characters can develop in ways that make the ending no longer fit the story, and a writer has to be able to be flexible with that, even if it hurts that you don't get the ending you wanted originally. The creators of HIMYM wrote themselves into a box. When the ending didn't fit the story or the characters, they regressed everyone involved in order to make the story fit the ending, and the result was...bad.

[harlequinoccult]

thank you for explaining the caustic personality!! honestly Vulpine might as well have caustic as his main w apathetic tendencies instead, ig ill find out when the demo is updated XD both personality types fit him too well. honestly he's not that aggressive as a person, he's actually mostly quite polite, but he does have a tendency to stare. the ones who really get to see his aggressive side are the people he dislikes (Host better fucking prepare himself-)

well i figured i'd just finish what i started, and continue on my never-ending ramble. usually i like making Ariel an orphan, it's a bit of a callback to his roots and it fits him, but this time i think the second option i usually go for him fits best: single child of a single mother. she's the only family he has that he knows of, a very loving, religious and hard working lady who was shunned from the community for getting pregnant out of wedlock. the very first fights Ari would get into in his childhood were against kids who would say some unsavory shit abt his mom. having a mother who was blindly dedicated to the same church that constantly made her suffer for the mistake of having a kid without a husband also played a very big part into Ariel becoming an atheist and rebelling against the church in his teen years.

she was p absent as a parent, having to work p much the whole day to be able to support them both, but she tried her best the moments when she was present, and Ari recognizes that and loves her dearly. he started stealing things and got his first job quite young to try to help her pay the bills.

he got arrested when he was around 18 yo, probably getting caught on one of his "heists", trying to steal from the richer houses around, and he hasn't seen her since then. his time in prison was... bad. really fucking bad. the worst, lowest point of his life, in fact.

i have no idea how the legal system works in england and i have no desire to learn, but for what's worth he is caught trying to escape at least once, and spends 2 miserable years in there until he finally manages to leave.

did he actually complete his sentence? lol. lmao.

no. no he didn't. be it by a month, a year, a day, the important thing is he didn't.

is Ariel Fox even his real name? i doubt it. that would be stupid wouldn't it, illegally immigrating to a different country after escaping from prison and using your real ass name to do it, he's smarter than that.

fun fact abt Ari: he does not want to go back to prison. he'll kill himself before they have the chance to catch him.

on a... "unrelated" note, the reason why Carter managed to wrap such a tight leash on Ariel is bc he learned smth he shouldn't have and he's holding that little secret right over his head. im sure you can't possibly guess what he found out that would make Ariel put up w his shit the way he did-

so the fact that Ari ends up in this city (i forgor the name and i can't leave the askbox to check or ill lose everything i typed 😭) is honestly not rlly much of a surprise, nor is the fact that he's p much alone despite living there for years. he's always been a bit of an outcast, a loner, someone who avoids people on purpose. he hasn't seen his mom since he left england, but he looks her up every once in a while. debates whether he should call her. decides it's for the best that he doesn't.

he starts over. new life, new me, or whatever the hell people say. starts off already with shifty connections, he needs a fake identity and a fake birth certificate and a fake everything if he has any hope of passing by unscathed, after all. needs to lay low. not call too much attention. be a nobody. wait until things calm down a bit.

he stays at least a year living like that, settling in, subduing his accent until he can pass it off as having learned it from a family member or some other bullshit. applies for university. becomes just another american college student.

meets someone.

falls in love.

has them taken from him. has his entire life destroyed. again. needs to try to pick himself up. again. is struck with such crippling grief unlike anything he has ever felt before. it's almost as bad as the two worst years of his life.

almost.

he's never letting anything like that happen to him ever again.

anyway! as mentioned before, he was working on getting a doctorate when Carter came along, and he sort of had to drop out after that, to the dismay of his teachers. what was he getting a doctorate on? honestly p much anything would be in-character for Ariel, he's an everything nerd, from language to history to engineering to biology that man wants to know quite literally everything the world has to offer him. his infodumps are the most complete and varied possible, he's a walking talking encyclopedia.

he's an extremely paranoid person who overthinks everything including his own overthinking and really, if nothing else here's to hoping that OD can at least teach him to loosen up a bit-

he never enjoyed doing drugs very much, despite partaking in them quite often in his youth. he's way more likely to experience a bad trip than a good one, so he learned to stay away from them as much as possible, but alcohol and nicotine were a completely different story. he's still addicted to nicotine to this day, the one drug he allows himself to never let go. he was an alcoholic through a big chunk of his life, until someone did Very Bad Things to him when he was too drunk to be able to fight back. that experience just flipped a switch inside of him, it broke him badly enough to make him promise himself to never touch another drop of alcohol in his life, a promise he did very well by until Carter killed his beloved and he had the worst relapse of his life. he's back to being a straight edge now tho, its fine! its not fine

he has immense distaste for the cops of the city, but part of him is kinda grateful that they're so bad at their job or else he would be Fucked. he absolutely despised doing work for Carter, even after he became so numb to it all it made him want to tear his own heart out just to make sure it was still beating. i cannot stress enough how much he suffered inside at the start, part of the reason he started drinking again was to try to ignore how much all of it hurt. at least he could try to make sure Carter didn’t kill innocents. he couldn't really be sure every time, but he tried. he really did.

he probably tried killing Carter at least once. or thought abt it, at the very least. made plans. had it all figured out in his head, down to the last detail, how he would do it and get away with it. ngl, he was probably on the verge of putting it into action when Host sent him that email and just gave him the perfect chance to do it just like that-

as a killer, Vulpine is very much the stealthy type, hiding in the shadows, walking withouth making a sound. if its a group, he'll pick them off one by one, until someone notices and all hell breaks loose or until all of them are dead. if he's forced to kill someone he doesn't think deserves it, he's merciful. very quick, clean deaths, going straight for the vitals, almost painless. if it's someone he thinks deserves to suffer, however... well, he's always been curious to know what a human vivisection would look like.

truth is, he's a sadist. well, a sadomasochist really, but he gets off on making people suffer, and he hates it. he especially hates the fact that hurting the person he loves is such a tantalizing thought. marking them blue and black, covering them in red, it's not really his fault blood is such a beautiful thing, is it? and if his lover wants to do the same to him, well, he's more than happy to oblige. anything for his love. except bondage. getting tied up/held down is actually a pretty bad trigger for him, he hates it, no matter the context

ok well i think that's everything! thanks for indulging me!!

-🦊

The ask is somewhere around here, i know it, but with caustic mcs, Carter assumed they were all bark and no bite. Fitting, i think.

And, given everything, OD is a fitting match, they like learning and they are smart -in their own way- the drugs and partying is for themselves, they aren't the type to pressure people into drugs, in fact, they can and will tell you about the various side effects of any given drug because they think its legitimately interesting.

[pommunist]

thank you for allowing people to vent their frustrations or discuss whats been happening in your inbox, a lot of qsmpblr from what ive seen wants to ignore anything besides brightest side outlooks and they shove everything else down by labelling things like the spreading of the latest updates as "doomposting".

i personally havent seen any actual doomposting (expecting the worst possible scenario, ex. "the server is over and will never come back") from anywhere besides a small handful of people who hate quackity on twitter, the closest i can find here is sentiments like "yeah i dont know if ill be back to actively watching every day even if everything is fixed" or "im so disillusioned at this point that im not coming back until we get concrete proof things are better" where its people personally deciding to (often temporarily) leave the fandom, not any actual doomposting or discouraging anyone to still follow the server because "theres no chance anything will ever be fixed".

so yeah, thank you for allowing stuff besides the most positive of takes in your askbox <3 im too scared to post stuff on my own because of the toxicly positive mindset on qsmpblr, so being able to vent my frustrations in your askbox really helps!

Tbh I don’t blame people who are complaining about what they see as « doomposting ». When you love something you don’t want to wake up every morning learning about another set of bad news on it, instead you want to believe that everything will be fixed and that you will soon be able to enjoy it like you used to.

However the situation IS bad. People are talking about negative things because they ARE happening. And it isn’t just some random drama like this is a situation that affected negatively on people, could even be considered breaching some laws and, also, be the end of the project. I don’t like saying that, obviously, but it’s the truth.

Saying it’s joever already won’t do any good but so will blindly hoping that things will be better. Tbh I’m happy that I haven’t seen much of both of these takes except from the extreme sides of the fandom (out of all the anons I got since it started very few were extremely negative, no hate to them btw feel free to vent in my askbox i just chose not to post them).

People can stop watching qsmp altogether, or just keeping to their fav ccs streams, some can chose to keep watching like they did before for X reasons, others are straight up leaving the fandom, it’s all fine, we just need to understand everyone’s perspective without jumping to judgement.

Side note : One thing I won’t tolerate here is hate on the admins who spoke up though (this + the usual assholery aka random hating, bigotry etc)

Personally I haven’t watched a qsmp stream since the situation was exposed but thats just because I don’t want to support the project rn and can’t enjoy the content knowing what we now know. That’s just me though !

Anyway rant over kkkk thanks for the nice ask anon ! Weirdly I think keeping track of the situation and answering so many people who had questions/wanted to air out their thoughts is what helped me not dwell on my own sadness regarding what’s happening ahah

[team5ds]

how it works, i'll never know

Summary: the two worlds could never touch. they longed for each other anyway.

Rating: T

Ships: Midna/Zelda

Author’s note: written for @sapphic-september with the prompt of "cursed". baby's first angst without a happy ending.

read on ao3 / support me on kofi (battle city & up supporters get early access) / join my discord (18+)

Midna had been taken off guard by Zant. She hadn't been expecting him to carry more power than her. It was bad enough that she and her people were cursed to spend their lives in the dark, flitting about in a realm that only half existed. Now she had lost her own form, forced to flee into the world of the light to try to find someone who could help. She'd sent out the message to Castle Town, hoping to hear something back from the current royal of Hyrule that they could help. All her hopes came crashing down when the note came back warning her to not try to come to Castle Town: it had fallen. Princess Zelda sends her regrets, but she was indisposed and unable to help. Along with her warning to not come to Castle Town was a message of hope: the Triforce of Wisdom had informed her there was someone who could help, and that they would bear the mark of the Triforce of Courage. While she did not who would have it, she was at least able to provide a drawing of the mark Midna needed to look out for.

Princess Zelda had been taken off guard by Zant. She hadn't expected someone this strong, and he forced her into a surrender lest he destroy Castle Town. Surrendering would at least guarantee that her people would survive. What he didn't know was that Zelda had no intention of taking this laying down. Her need to protect her people went further than that. So when Midna's message arrived, she was able to intercept it and send a warning message back. If Zant knew, she was certain that she would be punished with the death of someone in her kingdom. It was a risk, but one she needed to take. If she just left them to the whims of a mad man, then they would surely be harmed more in the long run. Her studies warned of this darkness that followed the kingdom, and she'd wished she'd paid more attention to the name of the man that haunted them. She at least knew the mark to look out for. The Triforce of Wisdom guided her, and she knew from her studies that it was important she listen.

When Midna arrived to Castle Town, she was dying. The curse of the darkness meant any amount of light damaged her. She was failing, and the beast with the mark of the Triforce of Courage stared at her. Somewhere deep in one of her previous lives called forth the memory of those eyes. If Midna wasn't actively dying, Princess Zelda might've taken more time to look into that. But there was no time, and so she did the only thing she could do for her: she gave her life to save her. Midna needed to survive, and Princess Zelda was ready to sacrifice anything to keep her safe. Midna didn't understand the princess before, and now she did. She now knew her like the back of her own hand, and she loved her the way she knew Zelda loved her.

Unfortunately, Midna was also ready to make the same sacrifice. Princess Zelda had hoped they might be able to bridge the gap between the two realms even if she knew it was impossible. The Twilight Princess was ahead of Zelda's thoughts, and she shattered the mirror. The world of light and dark were never meant to touch. For a brief moment in time, they were able to see each other, to know each other. A flash in the pan moment where they could imagine what it would be like if it could have worked. It could never be - they were too cursed for a happy ending, it seemed.

[thenugking]

Perseverance “Percy” Ashton (she/her)

(Percy's costume evolution throughout the game. She's getting her Hot Girl makeover! The fact that she's losing every trace of individuality isn't important!!)

Race: Asmodeus Tiefling Class: Cleric of Ilmater (Life Domain) Background: Acolyte

Personality: Percy is a Good Person. She’d like everyone to be aware of this. She’s a Good Person and therefore all her actions are Good things a Good Person would do, and if those Good Actions result in the deaths and suffering of hundreds of people, it wasn’t that bad and they deserved it and it wasn’t actually Percy’s fault anyway!!

Percy is a conflict-averse doormat who doesn’t want to cause problems and supports her friends unconditionally. Unfortunately, her friends are the kind of people who want to do things like serve evil goddesses, become gods themselves, and kill thousands of people. But hey, they’d totally have done all that anyway, there was nothing Percy could have possibly said to stop them! She was just being a good friend!

She believes strongly in not giving up and continuing in your beliefs and actions, no matter what kind of odds (or common sense) are stacked against you (this being why she named herself Perseverance). She’s extremely ambitious, though she’d never admit it, and desperately wants to be held up as a paragon of virtue in front of the entire Ilmater church. She’s smart, though lacking the wisdom score she really needs as a cleric, and a great lover of reading.

And, of course, she is deep in self-delusions. Ilmater finally stops lending Percy divine power after she helps Astarion ascend, and she completely refuses to notice that the god she spent decades worshipping has gone, and Loviatar’s stepped in instead.

Backstory: Percy grew up in the Outer City, where poverty and anti-tiefling racism were often issues. Fortunately, she found support at the Open Hand Temple and was grateful enough to that as a teenager, she started working there herself, wanting to be able to help others as she’d been helped. Unfortunately, she slowly started taking on a lot of shitty doctrine and a huge martyr complex.

Despite Father Lorgan attempting to gently suggest otherwise, Percy believes that suffering is holy, and by suffering in the service of others, or even just generally Going Through it, she’s a better person. She dedicated her life to helping as much as she possibly can, eagerly going without meals, forcing herself up after only a few hours sleep, and refusing to ever take a day off, in the hope that eventually someone would look at her and say, “Wow you’re so much more selfless than everyone else here, you’re truly the greatest person I’ve ever met, I can’t believe no one’s noticed how incredible you are before!!” And while she was far too nice to say anything, she spent years stewing in resentment over anyone who stopped to take care of their own needs, and clearly weren’t as good people as she is. 

Her home life wasn’t much better. Percy married her childhood sweetheart, Kairon, at 19. When Baldur’s Gate starts, they’ve been married for twenty years, have two kids together, and the spark has gone out completely. Kairon… wasn’t an amazing husband, and should probably have noticed how discontented his wife was, but Percy sure did love to repress her negative feelings and constantly insist she was fine and refuse to actually ask for anything she needed. They’d probably both be a lot happier if they’d broken up ten years ago.

Anyway, by the start of the game, Percy’s worrying that she’s wasted her life on a man who never really appreciated her, and that she’s old enough now that no one ever will. Her sex life, which had dried up completely in the past few years, was never very satisfying because she’s a Good Christian Girl who just wants to please her husband and can’t admit to having any desires of her own. The most joy she’s felt in the past several years is secretly reading steamy romance novels and the occasional piece of Loviatan literature. For, yknow, research into the enemy!

Also, I decided she’s the person who wrote this.

Relationships: When Astarion suggests he can do more for Percy than her husband ever has, she takes a long, thoughtful, angst-ridden two minutes to consider it before jumping into bed with him. She’s not thrilled when the sex break happens, but he’s sweet and broken and he cares about her, so she’s willing to do anything for him as long as it doesn’t mean tearing her family apart! They’re both very much trying to be the person the other wants them to be and oh boy does that not go well. She eventually lets Astarion ascend and becomes his spawn, and the two of them spend the next several years being miserable.

After Astarion, Percy is closest to Gale during the game. They drift apart afterwards, as Gale focuses on being a god, during which time Percy becomes closer to Shadowheart, leaning on her more for advice, and begging regular access to the Mirror of Loss so she can forget everything that makes her worry she might not be a great person. None of them see Lae’zel again, after she goes to serve Vlaakith. 

Percy always secretly disliked Wyll a little. Nothing to do with jealousy over his reputation as a folk hero constantly helping others, or publicly being made to Suffer when Mizora turned him into a devil! He wasn’t immediately fine with suddenly growing horns as part of a violent non consensual body modification, so he’s probably racist against tieflings and therefore awful!! She and Karlach are friends for a while, but things fall apart in Act 3, after Karlach “betrays” Percy by telling her husband about the affair, and makes a fuss over her allying with Gortash. Neither Wyll nor Karlach survive the events of Percy’s game, but that’s a whole thing that we don’t have room for here.

Percy never recruited Jaheira or Minsc, due to supporting Shadowheart in her dreams of becoming a Dark Justiciar, and let the Mistresses of Souls wipe Minthara’s mind. (She was a Bad Person, why would Percy ever think of rescuing her?) Halsin eventually quietly separates himself from the group, after growing discontent with the paths a lot of them are taking, and Percy’s constant attempts to get his endorsement over her cheating because she can’t tell the difference between that and polyamory.Speaking of which, Percy cheats on Astarion with Mizora while he’s still a vampire spawn and the sex pause is ongoing (so really it was his fault--). As much as Mizora’s main aim was causing trouble, she does find herself a little bit enamoured by Percy’s absolute dedication to twisting the truth, and their shared passion in being a massive asshole to Wyll. She turns up again a few years after the events of the game, when Percy’s really starting to want out of her relationship with Astarion, offering protection and freedom from him in return for Percy’s services as her warlock. The two of them eventually begin a relationship which is practically healthy by Percy’s standards! For her, anyway, not for anyone else who has the misfortune of being around the two of them.

[fromtenthousandfeet]

Never Let Go Thoughts

I finally listened to Jung Kook's Never Let Go via a reaction video. I sort of skipped through it, to be honest. I'm not here to write a review of the song, but to express some concerns.

As others have said, the song feels rushed and unfinished. Yes, it's repetitive and continues to be a little too derivative of Justin Bieber's work. Also, his English pronunciation isn't the greatest. Because the tempo is so fast, his diction suffers. Any non-native English speaker will have this problem given how fast the song is.

I think it's great that Jungkook is trying new genres. An artist really needs to push boundaries and take risks in order to grow and stay relevant in the industry. But in this case, I'm struggling to understand how such a simple song could have 8 writers and 4 producers. Teenagers across the globe are making better music in their bedrooms with free or cheap music production software.

This is going to sound crazy given how snarky I can be, but I genuinely feel bad for Jungkook. Seven and Golden didn't sit right with me, and neither does Never Let Go. It's increasingly clear that Big Hit/HYBE's goal is to make money off of JK without investing in his growth as an artist, even though we know he's a serious music lover with high standards. And while ARMY and JJKs will support Jungkook unconditionally - continuing to buy and stream his music - the general music consuming public will not. Right now he's not an industry joke because most people in the GP have no idea who he is, but if BSH and BH keep this up, JK will become completely irrelevant. The American music market is not the Korean music market. Copying established western singers over and over again is not going to end well, especially when the final product feels significantly sub-par to the original.

Now for the scary part. Who is paying for all this promotion - especially for a song that should have either been released on music platforms but not for sale, or simply brought back to the recording studio for improvement/reworking? If JK's marketing costs are deducted from his song sales and streaming profits, not only will he not make money, but he might end up owing HYBE big bucks. I think it's very likely he's in a 360 contract with Big Hit given how much investment they've put into his solo work. Hopefully he was able to negotiate favorable terms so he doesn't end up in massive debt for his solo projects. Jon Bellion's recent bellyaching about the lack of radio play for SEVEN makes me think the group behind JK's album aren't getting the royalties they were expecting.

As I watch BTS' fandom devolve into divisiveness and rancor, as the members' solo singles fail to chart in the US, and public perception about HYBE continues to fall, I worry. I think Bang PD was counting on BTS' reputation and brand value lasting forever. He's a foolish man. I'm reminded of that video where he's sitting with TXT and telling them that their collab with the Jonas Brothers is going to be a huge hit and has a guaranteed spot on the Billboard Hot 100. We all know how that went. Does anyone have a link to that clip? Bang PD has a lot of bravado, but not a lot of western music industry sense.

Thanks for these comments on my previous post, @in2u-4asec and @isaidnothankyou. Ditto!

in2u-4asec i worry about jk to be honest. because all the money used and continued being used to promote him as a soloist, it isn't free. he has to make money to pay all of that. i just really hope he hasn't signed any solo contract like that infamous 360 one. isaidnothankyou @in2u-4asec, I've thought the same thing. I know it isn't the thing to take away from his "agency," but was it really his idea to release an unfinished song (he was obviously embarrassed about it) in a blatant money grab? I've said this about Jimin, but it goes for everyone. Do they have anyone who is NOT affiliated with the company to advise them and protect their interests? A real manager, in other words, not just someone who drives them and takes care of the luggage?