#bad job at denial
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For everyone getting their panties in a twist over the recent denial, I only have 4 simple things to say.
1. Every time he gets a chance, he says a huge load of bullshit. All he has to say is, âDespite what people think, Harry and I are not in a relationship and never have been.â Itâs a simple straight denial. How hard is that? But no. Itâs always him going on a tangent over a fucking âchicken Parmesanâ which is not even related to the âshipâ and him going on a tangent about âiPhone conspiraciesâ and âgoogleâ.
2. If a rumor doesnât go away after 14 damn years, maybe itâs time antis and locals start thinking that it might not be a rumor.
3. If there is nothing to hide, they wouldnât hide their âfriendshipâ over stupid rumors cause theyâre both 30 year old men who could ignore public. But still, despite numerous mentions of them both saying theyâve been in touch. We only ever see Louis interacting with Liam and Niall and Zayn ffs but not Harry. And we see Harry interacting with Niall. We see Liam interacting with Harry but we never ever see interactions between Harry and Louis. Why?
4. Lastly, if we are claiming an artist to be closeted, you canât be so dumb to take an âoff-the-topic-denialâ to be a proof of them being straight.
But yeah, sure! Go on! Twist your damn panties until you tear them apart. You wonât notice one of us give a fuck cause you mistook us for someone naive and easily manipulated.
#recorded interviews with strategically placed questions after fans get to know Freddieâs mention was blacklisted in interviews. not obvs.#larry stylinson#failed media training#larrystylinson#louis and harry#larry is real#harry and louis#antis can fuck right off#bad job at denial#good luck next time#maybe I can write your script better?
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"Prisoner @archivalofsins ! Milgramblrgram has judged you guilty for your crimes! It is time to meet your judgement. As the wardens' fang, I take that responsibility upon myself! đ" (Aka, a little Mikoto angst scene coming at ya!)
Even if he wasnât strictly superstitious, Mikoto loved good luck charms. There was something about them that had always appealed to him.Â
He had a pen from his sister â he claimed itâs what got him into design school, much to her giggly denials. He had a lighter heâd picked up in school, which was shiny and simple and he liked to thank it for keeping him out of any trouble with his grades. There was a polaroid of the ocean that he just knew would set off his photography career someday. There was a playing card from a night out with coworkers; its energy had won him many friends that night of laughing and opening up. Most of his little trinkets were tucked into pockets here and there, and had made their way to Milgram with him. He wouldnât have been too broken up about their absence, but he certainly enjoyed having them around.
And why shouldnât he enjoy some silly superstition, when it worked so well? He didnât know anyone as lucky as himself. Heâd landed a prestigious job. He had the good fortune to keep it, even when the going got rough. He had his health â biking and baseball kept him fit, and his e-cigarettes put him a step above real smokers. His coworkers liked him. His sister called to check up on him. He was taking care of his family. What more could a guy want? Sure, heâd gotten a bad break in the middle of it all, but even that couldnât hold him down for long. He hadnât undergone half the pain the others had, and in no time at all, heâd been declared innocent. So, thenâŚ
âWhy?â
Fuuta just narrowed his eyes at him. âThe fuck are you talking aboutâŚ?â
âWhy is everyone acting like this?â
He didnât feel the need to elaborate. Today alone, it was clear how the others avoided his side of the table at breakfast. The only reason Fuuta sat next to him was because the main area had been taken over by the younger prisonersâ activities. At least everyone else had been tactful when choosing a further seat, always with a smile and a pleasant excuse. Mikoto had no such luck with Fuutaâs more⌠expressive nature. He pretended he hadnât seen those exaggerated looks of disgust and reluctance as he sat down and began to eat.
Instead, heâd finished his tarot spread in silence. They had power too, though not necessarily good or bad luck. It was more like something larger than him, guiding him along. Maybe thatâs why he indulged in his charms, without necessarily believing too hard. The idea of something helpful like that is comforting to imagine, isnât it?
It wasnât until now, that he fanned through the cards absently, that heâd finally built up enough courage to say something.
Fuuta rolled his eyes as if heâd blurted something utterly stupid.Â
âWhy is everyone⌠You mean, why does everyone stay away from you? Because you can hurt them.â He said it casually. Flippantly.
Mikoto was feeling far less flippant. âBut I wonât.â
âTell that to Kotoko.âÂ
The prisoners often brought up this alleged altercation between them. It didnât matter that they both came out unscathed. It didnât matter that he couldnât remember any of it, or that Kotoko hardly spoke about it. It didnât matter that â even if it was true â Mikoto had only acted in self-defense. There were always whispers, always comments about it. The strangest ones, however, were the ones heâd overheard about having a little extra help during the fight. He struggled to understand what they meant, feeling like they werenât talking about lucky spirits.Â
âBut why me?â he asked, only half expecting an answer. âAnyone can hurt anyone else. Each one of us has hurt someone â has killed someone. Even Amane-chan can!â
Fuutaâs exasperation didnât change. âTch, and theyâre scared of her, too. They just treat her differently because sheâs young, and they think they have time to fix her, or whatever. You should be grateful no oneâs doing the same to you.â
Mikoto supposed he had a point. All his life, heâd witnessed teachers and bosses do their best to fix his peers: reprimanding them for every little thing they did until they behaved properly. Mikoto was fortunate enough to avoid such treatment. Heâd always had a knack for picking up on the right ways to do things. He always figured out exactly what to do to make others happy, no discipline necessary.Â
âI guess⌠itâs just⌠Iâve been feelingâŚâ
How does one say âlonelyâ without sounding like a kid?
It didnât matter, because Fuuta could see through his childishness anyway. He scoffed. âHere you are moping, itâs pathetic. I work so hard to be taken seriously like that, and for nothing. Without respect, you get the shit beat outta you.âÂ
He picked up his empty plate and stood. âMeanwhile, you hardly do a thing and everyone just loves talking about how dangerous you are. You have all their respect â youâre damned lucky.âÂ
He stormed away, leaving that side of the table empty once again.
That night, back in his cell, Mikoto gathered up his things. He rolled his sisterâs pen in his fingers, picturing the way sheâd smiled when she gave it to him. He studied the ocean photo, remembering the freshness of that day and how well he felt heâd captured it on film. He pinched the playing card at the edges, bending it gently in the middle. He wondered how those coworkers were doing now. Had they been thinking of him? He placed it with the other charms piled on the floor. He ran his thumb along the lighter. Then, he squinted at it. It looked used, though heâd never had anything to light. Maybe it was no longer the pristine charm he thought it was.Â
All the more reason to follow through, he thought. With a flick and a sigh, he lit the whole collection ablaze.
#milgram#mikoto kayano#fuuta kajiyama#its an idea about his denial/toxic positivity/treatment by others that our convo/your analysis made me think of#im basing the good luck charms on that question where he says he doesnt believe in god only because theres nothing to gain + his tarot card#i dont think hed be super deep into superstition or spirits or good/bad luck but its something fun and harmless he enjoys the benefits of#and i mean its clear how much denial hes in -- hes constantly saying how happy and proud he is of his job despite all the pain it causes#so there was something fun to explore with him thinking hes blessed with the greatest luck ever despite The Horrors#and of course theres the extra pain because fuuta isnt denying it -- he actually agrees because he thinks hes jealous of mikoto#i hope you enjoy-- er i mean -- better watch out >:3#drabbles#milgramblrgram
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I don't know when exactly Nerdanel left Feanor, so I am choosing to believe that they 'divorced' when Feanor was banished from Tirion and Nerdanel refused to go with him and their sons to Formenos. But I also headcannon that things between them were bad long before that. As in, Amras and Amrod suffered from "Our Parents Should Divorce Already" situation.
#silm#silmarillion#feanor#nerdanel#things that I should write in separate post but tags are easier:#headcannon: Feanor went to court to argue with Fingolfin and Nerdanel went back to her work because she started to get fed up with Finweans#and her work made her feel better - gave their marriage few years more#morgoth was back by the way#anyway the situation was so bad that maedhros left his own house and went to help with the twins#and to help theirs parents marriage/Feanor in court but that was unsuccessful#and nobody asked him but maglor went to help maedhros because in his mind dealing with their parents is a two people job#maglor and his wife split up over this lol this man has different priorities (common finwean problem)#anyway amras and amrod were mostly raised by m&m#call it a pre-run for kidnap fam#denial was so hard tho that nobody really noticed it until Nerdanel asked teenage/barely adults a&a to stay with her and not go to Formenos#and they were like '...why. why would we do that'#they went more for their brothers than for Feanor#and when they think of their parents they think feanor and Nerdanel fine#but give them opinions and mannerisms that are clearly maedhros and maglor's#they kind of blended in their minds#none of it is official because again. denial of familial problems runs deep in feanorian unit#amrod#amras#anyway have a nice day
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its past midnight and time to yap about Mouthwashing. Anyway obviously we don't see the Specific Events only how the characters react but with Anya... Okay I'm going to talk about the Sexual Assault not with Specific Details but that's what the post is about so
Anyways she reads to me as very like... trying to downplay the severity to herself. Like thinking through it (not having the exact quotes but) I feel like it'd be an unfortunately natural reaction- if you were stuck with 4 guys and the guy with the second highest position on the ship assaulted you depending on the situation. I feel like its not hard to imagine you'd try and reframe it as Less Bad to cope because let me be honest if I had to confront the implications of that, mainly the fact he could do it again and I wouldn't have any real way of dealing with it without complicating things even further bc he doesn't just have a close relationship with the guy with the Most Power on the ship, he also is in charge of keeping Me and The Other People On The Ship Safe, i would be in deep denial just to not lose my god damn mind like thats so fucking scary. And then the implication you tried to talk to the captain and even if he wasn't cruel he didn't Understand the Severity of what you were suggesting is like. Besides feeling afraid it could genuinely really fuck with my own perception bc like "if this guy who I trust says he's not a bad person maybe I'm just overreacting?" is. Again unfortunately understandable.
And again I'll say that Anya fully breaks down when the news breaks that pony express is fucked and like. 1. I think that's related to her own finances (and also. Literally just realized the way an abortion could interact badly with "no savings" like I Just Processed that fact. Like I knew "oh if she couldn't abort having to support a child wouldn't just be traumatic but also fucking nightmarish finance wise" but even having an abortion could make things so much harder.) 2. Jimmy LASHES OUT at Curly OPENLY. again based on my interpretation of Mildly In Denial To Cope this would. Like. Really fuck with that because it goes from "I trust the captain and I don't want to be afraid of my crewmate for a year" to "oh he is willing to verbally abuse the captain, who is his friend" and realizing I wasn't overreacting.
I also wanna point to the dead pixel conversation and obv it's symbolic but idk if it's meant as "there's a dead pixel that Anya noticed and she's using the topic to like test the waters" or if it's "anya is literally just trying to figure out Curly's thought process" which isn't like super important but like. Focusing on the way she starts the conversation by saying that she "Likes the illusion the screen has". (I don't remember the exact words sorry) But that's really interesting to me bc obviously you can read into Curly not seeing the dead pixel and instead focusing on the bigger picture (and how the dead pixel "doesn't ruin the illusion") but I think it's really interesting that Anya starts by talking Positively about the screen even though the dead pixel is there (and she can't stop thinking about it)
Like thinking through implications option 1: she's talking about the screen and uses the dead pixel to get a feel for how Curly responds to her bringing up issues
2: she's being entirely metaphorical and still trying to sort of self soothe- seeking external validation that the dead pixel Isn't Actually That Big A Deal (and therefore she's just overthinking)
3: idk how to phrase this exactly but ppl have talked Abt the way she talks to Jimmy, how it indicates a sort of "Fawn" response where she tries to keep him calm with compliments and stuff, and her talking about "enjoying the illusion" is her trying to do something similar with Curly- essentially starting the metaphor by downplaying the issue
Anyway. I don't know if I have a full conclusion but another thing is I think ppl need to acknowledge that while Curly fucked up and harmed Anya (mainly thru inaction). He's not uniquely shitty. Most people will be in a situation where they act similarly, and that DOES NOT JUSTIFY HIS ACTIONS. I AM NOT SAYING CURLY IS ANY BETTER. I am saying that you need to be able to recognize your capacity for harm thru inaction and understand that like. He's not uniquely terrible he's just Normal Levels Of Unhelpful, which in a situation like Anya's is Dangerous
Like. Basically you can say "fuck jimmy fuck curly" all you want but you need to be able to understand that everyone including yourself has the same capacity for harm
#Mouthwashing spoilers#Rape ment#SA ment#Ask to tag#Idk I will say with the Anya thing: I'm a little bit speaking from personal experience#Of. There are things that I think about like ''ppl say These Things (that I experienced) are Very Bad but I don't think that's the case#For me'' like. Not consciously ''oh I'm over reacting'' but more ''well maybe my situation is different'' and it's really hard to figure ou#How much of that is genuinely the case and how much is denial y'know. đ#Also Curly is a trans guy to me bc I'm hungry for characters who are trans men and just as culpable of willful ignorance and harm#As cis men. Anyway if anyone has a diff take on Anya's situation and)or mindset I'm open to hear it this is just my thoughts#Based on how the scenes read to me.#Also like the situation is delicate and this isn't like A Perfect Fix but genuinely Curly should've given Anya the gun#I don't think she would've shot it but it works as a Defensive Threat in a way that would give her security and also deter jimmy from being#A fucking problem because he doesn't experience consequences for his actions due to a mix of Captain's Friend and#''we can't really do shit to him or we lose our co-pilot'' (even tho he fucking sucks at his job they don't learn that until he#Is The Captain so they likely assume he's at least fucking. Functional and they would be worse off with him out of commission. Y'know)#But then again Jimmy's allergic to responsibility and consequences to the point of murder suicide so maybe Anya wouldve had to shoot him#Idk. Imagine me pacing full of rage. Imagining a universe where Anya can just fucking go to med school and doesn't have to deal with#The pony express. FUCK THE PONY EXPRESS
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no but i like wanna talk about vandermatthews and hosea specifically,, but also Iâm literally incoherent so itâs just gonna live in my tags
#itâs the âI could never leave you more specifically I could never leave this life behindâ#itâs how hosea and dutch are just doomed from the start#itâs hosea constantly telling everyone to go but heâs out here planning a big bank job or running a long con w dutch#mostly i so badly cannot get out of my mind the conversations Dutch and hosea have together in camp#the âwe did itâ convo and thereâs another one thatâs something like them talking about how times and change and people change and they ask#why havenât we changed????#like these girlies will have these conversations and itâs just nothing girl why are you Both getting so deep and yâall still be running#these scores#im very obsessed w those talks n how these men can never ever change and survive beyond the wild wild west#thereâs the Denial of it all thereâs the I Know No Other Life than this of it all#and this life I know it with you and I love you and I see things are going bad and I know youâre doing bad but goddammit I know you wonât#change because neither can I so yea letâs both pretend weâre gonna run off to Tahiti after one last job. it would be an honor to die for you#rdr2#vandermatthews
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i feel like im never going to be fully satisfied by any saw sequel (or the fanbase for that matter) bc i dont think the majority of ppl involved read jigsaw the same way i did.
#all these attempts to like humanize and flesh him out just end up totaly misrepresenting him and his goals#no he is not actually trying to improve the world hes a sadistic little man whos angry about dying and coping with it badly#he gets a front row seat to all his games and cuts trophies off his dead victims. bc he likes the violence#he puts people who absolutely DID NOT DESERVE IT (in saw 1 at least) in these elaborate death traps that they overwhelmingly fail to escape#sometimes he puts a completely innocent person in the crossfire (like seriously who is that guy who amanda had to kill to get her key)#hell they explicitly say that guy in the chair trap did nothing wrong he was just dying 'for a greater purpose' to test the trap.#but nobody ever acknowledges all this its just like 'what if we give him depth by saying serial killing isn't so bad'#and it never works and usually ends up with him being unbelievably self impressed and annoying#id honestly rather they explore his 'depth' by just. expanding on him as in denial and wanting revenge#which tbf i thought X was doing a decent job at until the last half hour when they threw the character study away entirely#like just give me a jigsaw who is angry at dying and takes it out on the Living because he has no other outlet. ill accept that.#him killing people who need to go can be like. gory tasteless fun in the sequels but it makes it like.#idk. less satisfying to me? or it just puts this wall up that makes the movies not come together the way the first one does.#avpost#movie diary
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I don't want to get off my phone I don't want to stay on my phone I don't want to pump gas I don't want to do deliveries I don't want to get ready for bed I don't want to write anything of substance I don't want to create I don't want to not create I don't want to be here I don't want to go anywhere I don't want to move I don't want to stay still my brain and body seem to simply want to sit here and Yearn
#is this like a shutdown i think we're having a shutdown#cuz like#we're not experiencing the pain of the overwhelm#but that's because we're dissociating really bad#like am i blitz are we blurry have we been in this parking lot for hours#why can't i just do anything but type#we're just sitting here numb and unmotivated#vent#i guess#tagging in case as always#idk man#âget a hobbyâ we have several#âget a lifeâ we have. one but we have to share#âget a jobâ 2 jobs going on possibly 3 next month ok im starting to understand#we are indeed having to face a future and have no solid Plans yet#i thought getting our biggest worry out of the way now that my cat is w a trusted friend would help#but everything else is at the Forefront of our mind now whoops!!#ironically it would be better if we just. cane up w a plan#but noooo sensory overload from our own fucking chatter#allllll dayyyyyy#fuckkkkk#we're probably gonna go to bed lol i can try again tomorrow#we're ok just. we âshouldn't beâ if that makes sense lol#if we're going to be a wreck i wish i could at least provess it#like it's worse than emotional denial i straight-up don't have access to said emotions rn#âdon't underestimate my capacity to not wannaâ type shit sjfhhshsh#oh also we need to eat dude come on#dont want to do that either but alas we need nutrients to live#at least we like living!#usually lmao also i did it (apparently) i reached 30 tags. thank u tumblr i love yapping
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realising my wotr hyperfixation is gone and i havent even finished a single playthrough because for some reason i decided it would be a good idea to buy the last sarkorians and kiss ulbrig. killing myself
#im pretty sure it happened yesterday. but i was in denial so i started playing like an hour ago#but my brains not having it. started feeling like a chore because i wanna finish the game so bad#fucking hell#well see if its just wotr or if its gaming in general#i installed the last season of twdg so ill give that a try and see whats up#SIGH. just when i wanted to make the most of my free time now that theres the possibility of me getting a job soon#it is what it is i guess#worst part is I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN TO KISS ULBRIG IN GAME YET!!!!!!! hell on earth#cami.txt
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Maybe I should go back to seeing my therapist, he was a good person, Ă l'ĂŠcoute, but maybe I should explain why I stopped seeing him (on top of work load becoming unbearable).
Same with my psychiatrist though I think it'll be harder to see her because of the summer.
#I'm feeling so out of it#I have the worst support system for the terrible mental breakdown I've been having the last few weeks#I only have one friend talking to me and I am just working at my part time job and trying to do school work and work for 2 because one of#them won't work and my family is...well. I thought I could have my mum supporting me but she just can't seem to read the room#but I don't want to become bitter even though I already am. I want to be better but my mind is sinking and maybe I'm as bad as my ex friend#said I was. Maybe I am as much a bad person as my brother says I am. Maybe I'm in denial#I've stopped taking medication for a few months now and it's all slipped back in my mind and I can't rest. I'm always tired or on speed#I feel dull and isolated#I haven't had any physical contact with anyone in weeks (not a hug or a handshake) I feel a little bit alienated#it makes me want to disappear again and go far far away#I don't know what the issue even is. I don't know what mental illness I have. I thought it was bpd but what if it isn't#I just want to be normal. I want to be normal and happy. Rational level-headed not anxious paranoid and exhausted like I am#I want to cry to open the dam of emotions in my brain but it feels like a small tear in highly pressurized tank that's going to do more#damage and no good
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this expansion draft and roster planning for next season.. how are these gms doing it?
firstly the cap is ridiculously low [1.5 million? for 11-12 players?] next, expansion draft rules aren't even out yet. there are thoughts going around that they could be able to select one uncored unrestricted free agent? which seems so contrary to what unrestricted free agency is? how many people can each team core?
then there's the question of who will declare [which is a little more set but a handful of players have potential redshirts from injury] and i'm not super informed on player evaluations. which will determine the likelihood of us signing a rookie from the jump
and then there's the mercury question: are they going to try for the same strategy [4 guard]? are they going to try to get a real 4 for the whole season/in the consistent starting line up? who will they core? what is the free agent situation? will they pull a seattle reign and not core someone bc they'd rather walk than play for another team and everybody knows it?
so many questions and cathy could help me answer like a third of them but here we are instead....
#honestly i think kiki will probably go in expansion#because it doesn't seem like she's a bad player she's just a forward who doesn't fit the nate system#will nate keep his job?#my guess is that celeste will get re-signed regardless#but everyone else on the bench kind of depends on the nate question#i'm curious if they'll use 2025 rookies [again bc i don't know the draft class well enough#or if they'll try for free agents#and will there be free agents willing to take a pay cut for merc facilities?/team#are they going to be nearly supermaxing 2 people? or will it go down to 1? bc that changes things too#i was thinking about this bc i was thinking about the sophie thing and then i remembered that i saw last night she does color for the suns#in the off season so it's not like they're totally paying her under the table but they are a little bit#and who else is going to have those opportunities to evade the salary cap?#and if you include the ârestâ off season pay in next year it's only a 20K paycut instead of 50K#we should also talk about the fact that bg has implied several times [jokingly] that they'll leave at the same time#but if you've read her book .. it sounds a lot closer than you'd think#also something to consider is that this year sophie is a protected veteran... this new contract is unprotected#which is usually only to like make space for someone else or to give your team the best shot#like this year stewie and sab are unprotected.. also on that note stewie is a free agent after this season too#also i don't know what the step beyond denial is called but i'm genuinely not considering it to be a possibility so that's where i am
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Mmm nothing like a good old full blown panic attack, I haven't had one in years. This time at least I have access to medication to make it stop a lot faster, but I have 6 pills left for the next 2,5 months and the recent trends in my mental state are not looking good.
#majek says shit#very bad year and VERY BAD week#had a new friend over for a few days and they had and encounter with an absolute bed bug infestation a couple days earlier#took all precautions they could and were very serious about the whole thing but were paranoid#something bit my bf on the knee literally the day after she left and we're in overdrive now#I say it's a mosquito because that night there was one in the house that I couldn't cath#but he says thats not how his body reacts to mosquitoes. I'm keeping myself in denial to preserve the little mental health I have left#my body decided that the stress will manifest as itchy hives which is great#we moved everything to my room and I'm going insane#I need my own space to live with someone and we even slept separately for like 2 years because it's better for sleep quality#and now we sleep together which is pretty nice and nicer than I remembered but also I have literally no space mental or physical#I'm unemployed and he works from home#we moved the tv to watch movies in bed and everything is taking so much physical space. my personal space#the house is a mess and my life is a mess and everything seems hopeless#I'm having... anxiety attacks? first once a week now every day. I always thought they were like milder panic attacks#they kinda are. as in they are shorter. and actually about something not the undescribed âwatch out!â#but severity is like a panic attack was compressed into a few seconds which feel like I'm standing on the edge of a void pulling me in#it's physical. I have to physically hold on to something or move my body vigorously as if I'm shuffling away#and it lasts literally seconds and I'm fine-ish#my psychiatrist heard about it happening once a week and wrote me a prescription (?) to go to psychiatric hospital#not to stay there but for intensive 5-6h daily three month therapy#and after that visit I started having these attacks daily I think because it got to me that I'm Not Ok#it all started when I started on my new antidepressants and they are helping... but I'm afraid they are breaking something else...#I'm scared that they are#but so much is happening#unemployed for a year. my industry is going to shit. lost my friend who made sure to give me a big package of toxic waste as a farewell gift#so I have no support from anyone who even remotely understands me#unemployment means rejection over and over because I'm trying...#and this week exhausted me socially on top of everything. and the bed bugs threat. it's good I at least have xanax when it gets like today#oh also I'm turning 30 in a month. this is going to be great for job opportunities I can feel it
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đđđđđâđ đđđ đđđđđ? đâđ đđđđđđđđđ, đŤđśđŞđťđśđš
prisoner! sukuna x psychologist! reader
⧠synopsis: youâve been assigned to the supposed most âdangerousâ prisoner, sukuna. but what happens when you two start to fall for each other instead?
⧠cw: smut, quick paced, semi public sex, risky sex, choking, kissing, pussy eating, blow jobs, breeding, creampie, fingering, orgasm denial, dirty talk, age gap
⧠wc: 4.7k
⧠a/n: i am not a doctor and i am especially not specialized in psychology. i have made up all of this. also donât sleep with murderers unless itâs sukuna
Your heels clicked loudly on the stained prison tiles. The echo of your soft footsteps trailing along the narrow walls of the enclosed hallway.
Sukuna.
That was the prisoner you were assigned to. A man who had killed more people than youâd met in your entire life as a doctor, a psychologist at that. So youâd met a lot of people.
Two guards trailed closely behind you, glaring warningly at the inmates who smirked as you walked past the line of cells. A collection of whistles and cheers sounding at the mere sight of a woman as attractive as yourself.
How long had it been since theyâd seen one after all.
âHey Doc⌠you sure you wanna take this case.. i mean, i donât doubt ya or anything but this one.. heâs bad. Dangerous.â
âNow what kind of doctor would i be if i feared a little danger. Heâs still a patient.â You smiled, ignoring the way your hairs stood as you were led deeper into the institution. The part where they held those deemed a danger to society.
Those who had a no chance of even seeing sunlight again.
You were nervous, your heart thumping loudly in your chest when you scanned your surroundings. There werenât any cells. There were only.. rooms. Fully enclosed rooms with a singular window for passing food.
Every part of your being begged for you to turn around and run. To not even interact with whoever sat on the other side of that door. And you froze when bright red eyes pierced into yours. The rest of his face casted behind a dark shadow as his head tilted back. Giving you sight to the small smirk creeping onto his features.
âDoc, i really think that-â It was the other guard who spoke up. Both of them holding nothing on their features but fear. It was clear that they never even bothered with Sukuna. The rumors had been enough to make every guard turn a blind eye.
âHey, itâs fine. Okay? This is what i do.â It really was. The guard gave you a curt nod and a sigh when you clasped both his hands in your smaller one. Offering him a reassuring nod.
âIf anything happens, us and about five others are stationed close. Good luck Doc.â
You gave him a small thanks, your head held high as the door was pulled open roughly. Revealing a pink haired man who sat on his bed against the walls, his eyebrow raising when you dared to step inside. Nodding to the guard to close the door.
You might as well have been a dead woman.
âYouâre scared.â His deep voice rung out, keeping his eyes on you as you pulled out a small chair that was tucked away near the sink.
âAnd how do you know, Sukuna?â Your tone was steady, letting out a breath when the shakiness you felt wasnât reflected in your voice.
Sukuna hummed, his smirk widening when you spoke to him like a normal being. To stuttering, no harshness. Just your sweet voice saying his name. âI can smell it, Doc.â He loved the way you tried to hide your squirm under his gaze.
âSo, Sukuna. Tell me something about yourself.â You steered away from his accusation, holding eye contact even when he leaned forward. Taking you in from head to toe. You were hot, he liked that. You seemed to like being confident too. And God did you smell fucking delicious.
He wanted to eat you alive.
Break you.
Use you.
He really did. But you were so fascinating, and heâd only just met you. Who knew how entertaining you could be.
âIâve killed people.â He was blunt, eyes almost begging you to keep asking these ridiculous questions. It was making his cock twitch.
âWell Sukuna, that is common knowledge, donât ya think? I wanna know something else.. tell me a secret hmm?â You leaned forward with a smile, elbows rested on your knees as you looked to him for a response.
He reciprocated your actions, leaning forward until you felt his hot breath fan over your face. âA secret huh? Alright Doc..â he watched as your breathing sped up, using every strength in your body to not pull back. You were brave, he liked that. âI surprisingly donât wanna kill you right now.â
âIâm glad to hear that.â
âI said right now, didnât say anything about later.â He pushed away from you, one of his knees up to his chest when he leaned back against the concrete wall behind him. âLet me ask you, Doctor. Are you stupid?â
Your head tilted at where this was going. You were supposed to be the one asking the questions. But a conversation was two sided, this wouldâve made things easier. âIâd like to believe not. Why do you ask?â
âBecause you really think that if i try to kill you, some measly guards would come to your rescue.â He scoffed.
âBut you donât want to kill me. Thatâs all that matters.â
Fair.
Sukuna watched as you took a quick peek down at his files. There was something that you missed, that much was evident. âFinally found it huh?â
âI havenât found anything that i didnât see before.â You objected, glancing to the door with your lip hanging loosely between your teeth.
âDonât. Donât do that.â He demanded lowly, watching with lidded eyes as you let your plump bottom lip, slick after running your tongue over it, fall back into place. Sukuna breathed deeply, finally looking away from you as he swallowed hard. Closing his eyes with his head rested behind him.
There was something about you that he wanted a taste of. It was driving him crazy..er, âI never did anything to these other doctors. They were just weak. Got scared way too fast.â
âAnd what did you do to scare them away?â
âNothing.â He spat, âThey came in here acting all high and mighty, talked to me like i was beneath them. So i simply didnât bother to hide how much i wanted to strangle them. And somehow that makes me the bad guy right Doc?â
You shook your head, âNo, you have a right to respect too. They should never have treated you as unequals.â Lying was all in the job description.
âGood try Doc. But you and i both know thatâs a load of crap.â He finally peeled his eyes back open, and you couldnât help your mind from wandering to how attractive he was in the dim light. He was extremely built, and had the facial structure that made you clench your thighs. âNow, we gonna finish our game of twenty one questions or not?â
He was actually being cooperative.
âYes we are. How about i start?â
âIâll start.â There was no room for objection in his tone. âWhatâs your name?â
You contemplated whether to tell him or not, eventually letting it out with ease. Though you missed the small smile tugging at his lips when he muttered a small âcute.â
âMy turn, what was your childhood like?â You watched his face grow cold, a small glare being directed at anything in the room but you. âNext question.â
âSukuna..â
âI said next question. How old are you?â
You sighed, âIâm twenty eight.â His eyes widened, that was extremely young for a doctor. âIs there one good memory you have from before you killed for the first time?â
âI had twin kittens. Do you have a boyfriend?â
You were taken aback by the question, mouth opening and closing a few times before you chuckled. âNo. I do not have a boyfriend.â
âGood.â
You jumped when the door was yanked open, the guard eyeing Sukuna warily before nodded to you. âYour timeâs up, Doc.â
âOh, already? Could we get just a few more minutes?â
âYou know how dangerous he is Doc.. we canât risk it.â
âYou heard the man. Iâm dangerous, Doctor.â
You nibbled at your lips softly, and Sukuna fought a groan as you did exactly what he warned you not to. Standing up, you gave Sukuna a warm smile, the gesture making his stomach get all weird inside. âGoodbye until our next session Sukuna.â
He only hummed, the door being shut behind you as you were led away.
It was back to darkness.
There was more than enough light, sure. But it suddenly felt so empty without you there.
â
You couldnât keep Sukuna off your mind when you arrived home. A part of you just really wanted to figure him out. The other actually liked his company.
You mustâve been so sick in the head. Splashing your face with cold water as you mentally scolded yourself. What was wrong with you? He was a criminal.
â
The next morning you walked the path that you had taken the previous day to get to Sukuna. This time without the guards following you.
There was only one who stood outside of the door to let you in with a small nod of acknowledgement.
Sukunaâs head perked up at the familiar clicking of those heels you wore. His signature smirk on his face as he stared you down. âJust couldnât get enough huh Doc? Arenât you forgetting that iâm dangerous?â
You took a seat, no file in had this time. âGood morning Sukuna, how are you?â
âIf i said better now that youâre here, would that be clichĂŠ?â
You laughed, an actual laugh. A sweet one that made his heart flutter the tiniest bit while blood rushed to his groin.
âItâs very good to see you too. How about we get started yeah?â You paused as you collected your thoughts. âYou seem to be heavily affected by people calling you.. dangerous. Why?â
âEverybody is dangerous. It just takes pushing at the right buttons to get it out of them. Half of the people here have done just as bad as i have yet iâm the only dangerous one. Makes so much sense right?.â
He shook his head. âTell me Doctor, do you really think i just happened to get caught? That i couldnât get out of this damn place if i wanted too? Hell, tell me you realize that i could drop a good twenty more bodies right here, right now.â
You shifted in your seat. âI think that you let yourself get caught because youâre tired. Because thereâs a small sense of peace you get from being in here. And i think that you arenât trying to leave because you donât want to.â
âYou almost had it Doc. See, i was well on my way out until you came. So i might stick around for just a little bit longer.â
Your heart fluttered, for you? Giving up on fighting the rational side of you as you continued to engage in conversation. Getting Sukuna to slowly open up to you more.
âDo you have any friends Sukuna?â
âI donât consider people friends. They just exist alongside me.â
âIf I asked you to be your friend, what would you say?â It was routine, but you really were curious.
âIâd say you came be whatever you want to be Doc.â
Another flutter.
âHave you ever been in love Sukuna?â
He was silent, jaw clenching as his gaze got harsh. âNext question.â
âWhat was she like?â
âI said next fucking question Doctor.â
âAnd i said, what was she like?â You leaned forward, pressing for him to answer the question.
âYouâre stubborn arenât you? I wonder what my hand would loom like around that pretty little neck.â He grinned, sharp teeth peeling from beneath his lips as he brought his face to yours. âShe was a lot like you.â
âWhat happened to her?â You knew how touchy that question wouldâve been.
âNothing. The bitch left.â
Oh.
âIâm sorry.â
He stared at you in confusion, âI never said she died.â
âYes. But thatâs only physically. When she broke your heart she died to you. And that hurts just as bad.â
He was silent, studying your eyes. Trying to get a read on you. âWhat else do you want to know Doc?â
You were getting somewhere.
Sukuna found you smart. Thought that you knew a lot. Found it hot how good you were at cracking him. But it pissed him off that the one thing you didnât seem to pick up was how much it hurt to watch you leave at the end of each session.
â
A week later had led to a Monday morning where you hadnât gone to the prison. You had quite an agenda for the day that could cost you your job if you didnât get it done.
That was something Sukuna was obviously clueless about. It was why he thought youâd just decided to up and go after he had just started liking to have you around. After heâd started opening up to you.
It was also why he was causing a fit. Yelling at guards to get you to him now. That he wanted to see you. Needed to see you. A line of men laying knocked out atop each other from being sent to âhandleâ the crazed prisoner.
Would you really not come back? Would you really abandon him? It seemed like that was common with the people he cared even the slightest for.
Sukunaâs fist met the wall near his bed, knuckles bloodied as he cracked into the hard surface. Chest heaving up and down heavily when his hands reached to tug at strands of pink.
He blinked when he heard the clicking of heels on the tiles. Immediately scowling at the unfamiliarity of them. âWho the fuck is this?â He growled through the small window.
âThis is Dr Smith, sheâs-â
âI donât fucking care who she is. Bring me my doctor. Now.â
â
Back at your flat, you dropped the piles of paper in front of you at the sound of your phone ringing.
It was a number you didnât have saved.
âHello, Doctor ___ speaking- yes? Oh my. I- i am so sorry. Yes, i will be there right away.â
What had you done?
You practically ran through the halls after parking outside the building. Finding many guards posted outside his door with guns in hand. Some of them spotting very black and blue eyes.
âYou can all go now.â You panted, it was clear that you had been in a hurry. âPlease.â
They all shared a look, finally walking away and allowing you to slowly open the door.
âWhere were you?â
âIâm really sorry Sukuna. I was so busy today and-â you gasped when a hand reached out to wrap around your neck. Slamming you into the wall behind you with his face buried in your neck.
Sukuna inhaled your floral scent, groaning to himself as his grip on your delicate skin tightened. âSo you just left me here today? Am i not as important as your other little patients? Is that it hmm?â
Deep down, you had hurt his feelings. And he couldnât help the way he clung to you as your hand lifted to his cheek. Turning his face to look down at yours.
âN-no i promise you. Youâre just as important as anyone else. I would have never missed our session if i didnât have to.â
âMake it up to me.â
It was the perfect opportunity.
âW-what?â
âStrip for me Doctor.â He let go of your neck, letting you catch your breath while looking up at him timidly.
âSukuna..â
âWhy so shy now doctor? We both know you want to.â
You shook your head, shrinking under his gaze with a protesting whisper. âI donât know what youâre talking about Sukuna. This is very unprofessionâ ahh.â
Sukuna brought his knee up between your thighs, pressing it into your clothed clit. His lips ghosted over your ear, hot breath fanning your skin as he breathed deeply. âYou can always leave if you want to. Iâm used to that after all.â
You shifted on your feet when your back arched. A small whine leaving your mouth when he pulled away from you and gestured to the door.
He smirked, âBlouse first.â
You bit your lip, unbuttoning your shirt until your bra was on display. The heavy swell of your breasts causing Sukunaâs mouth to water when he nodded to the bra.
With your eyes still on his you let your breasts spring out of their confinement. Two pert nipples pointing right at him as his dick rose. His hand palming himself under the pair of black pants with a shiver. âCâmere.â
You walked over to him on shaky legs. Sitting down on his lap with your head to the floor. âUh uh,â His hand reached under the your chin to force your eyes back on his. âNone of that Doc.â
You moaned when his tongue swirled around one of your nipples. Sucking your breast into his mouth while he palmed at the other. âThese are even more perfect outside that tight fucking shit of yours.â
Sukuna watched as you shivered when he ran his finger down your belly. Cupping your clothed cunt with the jerk of his hips into your ass. âFuck.. take that off.â
You hurriedly peeled off your pants, Sukunaâs pupils dilating at the sight of your lace panties. âWore this just fâme hmm Doc? All this for Mr Dangerous.â He groaned out.
Sukuan didnât give you a chance to respond before flipping you onto the hard mattress they called a bed. Lifting your heel clad feet onto his shoulders with his head hovering over your pussy. His tongue darting out to lick at the wet spot building from your arousal. âYouâre real dirty fâ a doctor.â He teased, glancing behind him with a chuckle. âImagine if you got caught.â
Your eyes shot up to the small window, taking note of the vacant corridor as per your request.
âGod, you smell so fucking good. Wanna devour that pretty pussy.â He breathed, large hand ripping the flimsy fabric to expose your glistening folds. âHmm, this wet all for me.â
You mewled when his long tongue licked a stripe up your slit. Swirling around your clit before sloppily dipping into your hole. His hums sending vibrations through your clit as he lapped at your dripping slick.
âSukunaââ you mewled, back arching as you reached for his hair. Tugging softly with the curl of your toes when his tongue and fingers swapped places. The two joints fucking up roughly into your g spot as he sucked noisily at your clit. âF-fuckk, nnghâ so good.â You cried out, tears welling in the corner of your eyes as your body filled with pleasure.
âYeah? You like that Doc? Bet you wanna get that greedy cunt stuffed right after.â He grunted, your eyes rolling back in a string of muffled moans as your other hand shot up to your lips.
Your legs began to tremble, Sukunaâs smirk growing wider and wider until he stopped his movements. Watching as you blinked down at him with a sniffled whine.
âYou left me. You know how much that fucking hurt? I thought i would never see you again.â
âIâm-â
âYouâre sorry. Yeah, yeah.. i know.â He rolled his eyes, crawling over your body with a sigh. Using the pad of his thumb to wipe away a stray tear before pressing his lips to yours. Making you taste yourself on his tongue.
You fell deeper into the kiss, eyes closing in satisfaction as his lips moves hungrily on yours. Pulling away with a string of salvia connected you to him.
âLetâs reverse the roles yeah?â He whispered, standing up to sit in the chair that you usually sat in. âSo, my adorable little patient.. put these tiny fingers to work on that clit of yours. I want you to make yourself cum.â
You whimpered, your fingers immediately meeting your sensitive clit with a shiver.
âYou know what to do.â He encouraged. Your fingers beginning to rub small circles on the small bud before speeding up. Little gasps and moans falling past your lips as your stomach burned with heat.
Your eyes locking onto Sukunaâs red ones as his head tilted. Just like it had the first day you met him. âAhh, K-kuna. Fuckk.â You cried, head falling back with your eyes still on his. The primal look in his eyes making your insides flutter as he did nothing but watch you. Not even freeing his painfully hard cock.
âSukunaâ c-canât. Canât hold it.â Your voice cracked, body shaking lightly as your orgasm washed over you.
âYes you can.â
âNngh, canât Kuna. Need to let go.â
He stayed quiet for what felt like an eternity, your breathing getting heavy as you desperately waited on his permission.
He leaned his head back, eyes boring into your fingers working your wet cunt before nodding. âGo ahead.â
You came with a silent moan, body spasming uncontrollably as your pussy leaked onto his only pair of sheets.
âDirty, dirty girl. Look at that mess.â You shied away feom his gaze. âAnd look at how hard you made me. Come fix it.â
You stood on wobbly feet, barely able to balance in your heels as you fell to your knees before him. Looking up at him through your lashes while pulling down his pants.
You blinked at the mere size of his bulge. He was huge. Tugging off his underwear to reveal his thick, veiny length. Pointing up to the sky with a fiery red tip. âSuck.â
You took him past your lips, barely able to take even half of him before he hit the back of your throat. Your fist stroking all the parts of him you couldnât take.
Sukuna groaned, head flinging back with another strained one at how good your mouth felt. âS-shit doc. You really got a mouth on ya.â He gasped, eyes meeting yours as you attempted to take him down your throat. Your drool coating both your lips and his cock as you lewdly sucked him off.
He took your head into his hold, letting you do your own thing as he grunted with each jerk of his hips. Defined abs tensing when he grew closer to his release.
âFuck Doc, gonâ shoot my cum down that tight throat of yours.â He breathed. Holding you down onto him as you gagged and sputtered lightly, Sukunaâs cock twitching before you felt the warm liquid run down your throat.
âWish i could fuck that pussy so bad.â He let go of your head, wiping a drop of his cum from your chin before pushing his finger past your lips. Watching as you sighed in content while sucking every last drop. âItâs too bad that in about one minute those guards are gonna come get you Doc. Our session is over.â
You had no time to question how he knew. Scurrying to redress with widened eyes.
Sukuna may not have had a clock. Nor was he able to distinctly see the sun rise and set. But heâd learned to count the seconds when you were around. He knew how much time he had with you.
âAnd⌠now.â
At that very moment the door swung open. Sukuna having easily pulled back up his pants after giving you your seat back. Both of you looking as professional as you possibly could.
âSee you tomorrow Doc.â He smiled innocently, watching as you scrambled out while avoiding his eyes.
You really fucked up now.
It was hard to keep him out of your mind before. But now, trying was futile. Youâd gotten a taste and you needed more. Which was why your brain would not let you close your eyes without thinking of him fucking you.
â
The next morning you bit back a whimper as your clit was caught between your rubbing thighs. You had worn a tight pencil skirt with no panties. Just for Sukuna.
You were thankful that the guards had complied to your wishes of them leaving.
You wanted to stop yourself. To go back home and forget about the red eyed prisoner. He may not have been dangerous to you physically. But to your heart and mind.. heâd be the death of you.
When the door closed behind you, you found yourself bring pushed roughly into the same wall as last time. Sukuna letting out an animalistic groan as he captured your lips on his. Kissing you so much more feverishly than yesterday.
âYou donât know how much i need you. Didnât even sleep last night.â He panted, turning you around so that your chest rested against the concrete surface. âMissed you so much Doc.â His voice softened, kissing down your neck while grinding up into you. His fingers finding their way under your skirt with a smirk against your skin. âAnd i thought you couldnât get any dirtier.. no panties huh?â
You moaned when he prodded at your already dripping cunt. The thought of him being enough to have gotten you soaked. âShit- tell me what you want Doc. Let me hear you say it.â He growled lowly, ready to snap the second the words left your mouth.
âPleaseâ please fuck me.â
Sukuna hungrily shoved your skirt up. The fabric bunching at your hips as he freed his aching cock. Both of you letting out a noise of satisfaction when he sunk into you, his large hands holding tightly onto your hips to pull you into him. Your back arching as your hands shot out to the wall for support.
âO-ohh God.â You cried loudly, your lips parted in shaky moans as Sukunaâs cock rammed deep near the entrance of your cervix. His veins grazing at your g spot as the fat girth stretched you to your limit.
âNah baby, âs only me.â
âKunaaâ so goood- ahhh.â Tears pooled in your eyes, Sukunaâs hand reaching into your hair to pull you back into his chest. Your nails clawing at the wall in front of you as he destroyed yours.
âTaking me so fucking well. Shit- pussyâs so damn snug.â He husked, hips snapping noisily into yours as he fucked into your walls mercilessly. Basking in the sounds of your choked screams and mewls. The way you sobbed underneath him when your knees buckled.
He was fucking you so hard and deep. Better than anything youâd felt before. His cock slamming into all the places that would drive you crazy.
âThe day you fucking leave me i will break outta here Doc. And i will find you. Youâre mine got it?â There was a certain seriousness in his voice that made goosebumps arise on your skin. Your salty tears mixing with your drool as they ran down your flushed face.
âAnd when i do get outta here youâre gonna have my baby Doc. âM gonna fuck you again and again tillâ i eventually give you my fuckâing kid.â His breathing became ragged, your body rocking forward with each of his movements.
He smirked. âIâve fucked ya this dumb already?â His cock twitching inside you as your body moved with his cock like a fleshlight. Your vision blurred as your head grew light, dizzy. You couldnât think, every roll of Sukunaâs hips clouding your mind as you let an incoherent babble drip off your tongue. Shakily chanting his name when he reached forward to pinch at your clit.
âLook at you. Look so pretty underneath me like this.â His free hand snaked up to your neck, groaning loudly at the feeling of your heart beat on his skin. Pulling you up so your back rested flat against his broad chest, wandering lips meeting your exposed collarbone. âLet go fâme.â
Your body quivered as you tightened around him. Letting out a whimper-like cry as you came messily on his cock. A breathy moan of his own sounding in your ear when his thrusts began to get sloppy.
âKunaaa.. inside. Want you inside. âM on the pill.â You begged, legs giving way as he held you flush against him.
âWhatever you want, Doc.â Slowly coming to a halt as he buried himself inside your warmth, tongue darting out to lick at your tear stained cheeks. Feeling his cock swell as he pumped you full of his cum. Painted your gummy walls in nothing but white
âLooks like iâm sending you back with my cum dripping down your thighs.â He pulled out with a grin. His cum leaking out of your fluttering cunt in small spurts when he used his hands to knead at the flesh of your ass. âHottest thing iâve seen in a while.. after you of course.â
You hummed, eyes shutting as you fell into him. Feeling the thick substance slowly dripping down your legs while spreading over your sticky folds. Sukuna stumbled back onto his bed with you on top of him. Your face nestling into his chest with a soft smile. âHey Doc.. i love ya but those guards are gonâ be back soon.â
âSo worth it.â Was the one thought branding itself into your mind as your body registered the rough, lust filled fuck.
âShit.â
â
You and Sukuna had gotten so much closer over yet another week. You had never believed in falling in love that quickly until now. You couldnât help it. You felt so much better when he was around. Seeing him was the highlight of your day- especially now that youâd convinced for longer sessions.
He felt the same way. You were the second person he had fallen in love with and somehow even harder. You made his heart.. swell. And he was serious about busting out to start a life with you.
âSo, your first love. We never finished talking about her.â You smirked, notepad back in hand as you did your job. Sukuna having been stealing small kisses from you between every question.
âHow about we forget about my first love and focus on my current one. You.â
#jujutsu kaisen smut#divider by cafekitsune#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader smut#sukuna smut#sukuna x reader#sukuna x reader smut#sukuna#jujutsu kaisen x reader smut#jujutsu sukuna#jjk x you#gojo smut#gojo x reader#gojo x reader smut
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While we're at it: using language that downplays genocide is a form of genocide denial.
Joe Biden isn't doing a bad job, Joe Biden is providing material support for genocide.
Israel isn't handling the situation badly, Israel is committing genocide.
Employing euphemisms minimizes the reality of this genocide. It's disrespectful and dangerous.
If you are more uncomfortable with the word genocide than you are with the reality of genocide, then you are not prepared to be part of any serious discussion. Work on that on your own time.
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
#warm up#this isn't good#writeblr#this is complicated by the fact i can't stand up too long or i fuckken pass out and <3 hit my damn head <3#but i did take a deep breath and buy myself the stupid rice cooker#and!!! a very cheap sushi kit!!! i have been wanting to try making sushi for literally YEARS#the kit was only like 15 dollars!!!! and i haven't purchased it bc?!!??!?!?!?!!?#..... i didn't get the mixer tho that felt. like a lot. like too much.#on my list is a kitchenaid. one day when i get a check and i have paid off my student debt#and medical debt#i will put that first little bit of cash#into a kitchenaid 5qt stand mixer (with attachments)#i really do just go into their refurbished section and stare lustily at each option#but yeah i feel guilty about the rice cooker even tho i know for a fact this damn thing is gonna be a lifesaver#oh shit also fuck i forgot to mention . poached eggs
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â-
#so me questioning friends when they talk about how bad they feel about themselves or how bad their mental health is#should be a sign#that I DEFINITELY donât take myself seriously#i hate how I treat myself and how I everyday and most of the day kind of start getting into a slump and this also means I cannot be on my#own st home? is this what it means#???? because I donât want that I want my home to feel nice and comfy#the thoughts at night get worse#itâs been like this every day and an incredible struggle#literally fighting against these thoughts at night cause they come crashing down on me#well Letâs still go to my job that I donât feel comfortable at and not quit yet for whatever reason#also I donât judge my friends but a part of me does and this part of me is the one in denial about my behaviours and mental h being Not Good#is it normal to physically feel those thoughts jumping around in my head and threatening me? Iâd love a peaceful start into my sleep#didnât cook as I planned to do#ah
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blindsided ęŠ wonwoo x reader.
ââ .⌠đ includes: fem!reader, office worker!wonwoo, alternate universe: office, pining, in denial!wonwoo, lewd thoughts, alcohol, making out, hand job, loss of virginity, praise kink, aftercare.
ââ .⌠đ inspired by THE business proposal scene. we all know which one, but gif attached anyway âĄď¸ wc: 2,700
ââ .⌠đ MDNI. 18+ CONTENT.
(Or: The three times Wonwoo keeps his glasses on, and the one time he doesn't.)
Wonwoo knows he's done for the moment that you walk in for your first day.
Despite his bad eyesight, he's not blind. He can tell when somebody is hot, and you fit that bill. Sue him.
Still, he tries to rationalize. There's not a lot of good-looking people in the company's IT department. That's probably it, he thinks to himself, as you smile warmly and introduce yourself to everyone.
Wonwoo has just been deprived of good views. That's it. That's all.
As you go to do rounds, he tries to focus on troubleshooting the network issue that some higher-up has been complaining about. But then you get to him, expecting his name, and Wonwoo suddenly can't bring himself to care about the DNS check he's supposed to be running.
"Jeon Wonwoo," he says in a perfectly level voice. "Welcome to the company."
Your face lights up. "Oh! I think you're the one who's supposed to be training me on the new systems."
Right. His boss had mentioned this. Something about onboarding the newbies. And Wonwoo had said yes, because that was just the type of person he was.
Fan-fucking-tastic, Wonwoo thinks as he gives you a quick once-over.
He manages to look bored as he does it. Almost scrutinizing. Truthfully, Wonwoo is not-so discreetly checking you out. The crisp white blouse, the tight pencil skirt, the black stockings.
So help him, God.
"Hope you can keep up," Wonwoo says for the lack of better thing to say.
The easy smile on your face remains, like you're unperturbed by Wonwoo's infamously cool demeanor. Somehow, that makes things infinitely worse.
He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose as you leave to meet other people. He tries very, very hard not to watch the way your hips move as you walk away.
You're good, he'll give you that.
Wonwoo, once again, tries to make excuses. One had to be good in this field of work, in this company. You're not an exception; you're supposed to be the norm.
Even as the thought crosses his mind, he knows it's not entirely true.
There's one too many nepotism babies and pushovers who barely survive performance evaluations. But you're good. Eager to learn. Sharp in all the right places.
Wonwoo is a little bit jealous.
He doesn't have time to dwell on it, though, in between training you on the company's cloud service models and hammering out the new machine learning workflows.
And so he keeps his head down, and he points out the bugs in your codes, and he chalks up his initial attraction as a moment of weakness.
That is, until the two of you are last to leave the office on an unassuming Tuesday evening.
The two of you had gotten in to some long-winded debate about the future of AI. Wonwoo is only made acutely aware about how much time has passed when the janitor shuts off the lights, assuming everyone has gone home. You giggle; Wonwoo cracks the smallest of smiles.
As you both emerge from the company building, Wonwoo's glasses fog up.
It's a normal enough occurrence that he shouldn't be annoyed but it's also a little bit embarrassing. He's used to going home late, to being alone when he does this little ritual of his.
He's just about to take off his glasses when you do it for him.
There's nothing much he can do or say as you gently tug the glasses off his face, as you use a corner of your blouse to swipe off the condensation on the lenses. You're saying somethingâ something about this being the most annoying thing about wearing glasses, about knowing the struggleâ but Wonwoo can't hear it.
His gaze is fixed on your lithe fingers and the careful way they hold his specs. Something sparks in the back of his head. A thought, unbidden. How those fingers would look so much better wrapped around hisâ
Jesus. Wonwoo swallows hard as you hold out his glasses back to him.
The look on his face must be odd, because you're suddenly apologetic. "I must have overstepped," you say sheepishly.
Overstepped?
Wonwoo is pretty sure he's the one overstepping. He's the one imagining you bent over his desk, after all, where he'd be more than happy to keep two fingers in your mouth to keep you quiet.
Instead, Wonwoo mumbles "you're good" as he puts his glasses back on just a little too forcefully. The nose pad presses in to his skin and leaves the smallest of marks, but he figures he deserves it with how he's being.
Wonwoo decides that maybe he's just repressed.
He's always been too busy to sleep around, to sleep with anyone, so this is just some twisted form of karmic justice. To have someone so desirable within sight but not within reach.
He asks for Mingyu to start setting him up on dates. His best friend is a little too glad to comply.
Wonwoo goes on about four before giving up.
Because it doesn't matter if he ends the night with a heated kiss or a mouth around his cock. Every single time, with each girl, he can only picture his company's drab cubicles, fingers flying across a keyboard, clicks of heels on a floor. (You, you, you.)
Things only go from bad to worse when the company celebrates its annual Christmas party at some swanky speakeasy. The alcohol is free-flowing, and God knows that Wonwoo needs itâ because you're certainly not doing him any favors.
Your dress is a touch too short, and your smile is pretty, and Wonwoo really needs to get his head out of the goddamn gutter. He cannot, should not be fantasizing about what it would be like to drag you in to the alleyway outside, to hitch up your leg around his waist, to finally feel his aching hardness slide in to yourâ
"Wonwoo?"
He starts. It's a good thing he downed his drink earlier. Otherwise, he might've spilled his cuba libre all over the front of your purple dress.
You're squinting at him, a playful sort of grin on your face. For a moment, he terrified you've read his mind, but then you're slurring out, "Your glass is empty."
"That it is," Wonwoo says dryly. He lets you lead him over to the bar.
As the two of you wait for his drink to be made, you pull the rug out from underneath Wonwoo once again.
It happens so fast. One moment, you're discussing go-to karaoke songs; the next, you're grabbing his spectacles and trying them on for yourself.
They're ill-fitting on you and the frames don't match your face shape. Wonwoo nearly winces when you awkwardly try to adjust them by the temples.
"Your eyesight is a lot worse than I thought," you whineâ a whine, my God. Wonwoo wants to die then and there.
When his whiskey sour is served, Wonwoo shoots it back and promptly orders another one.
"How do I look?" you prompt, tilting your head to one side.
For a moment, Wonwoo contemplates telling the truth.
You look like sin, he could say. You look like you'd make the prettiest sounds if your back was up against the door of the bar bathroom, if his hands were feeling you up over your dress, if his mouth was leaving open-mouthed kisses along your throat.
Wonwoo shakes his head. He's definitely not drunk enough to be saying all that.
"Fine," he grumbles. "You look fine."
Once you've had your fun, once his glasses are back on his face and you're off to charm whoever the hell else, he'll wish he could have been a little more truthful.
Here's the thing: For all of Wonwoo's intelligence as the company's go-to IT guy, he's still pretty oblivious where it matters.
He doesn't realize that you don't really give two shits about AI, that you're only staying so late at work for him. He doesn't pick up that your party dress had been purple because he had offhandedly mentioned once that it was his favorite color.
All of those little things only hit him when he finds you standing outside his apartment, looking mildly miffed. "How much longer do I have to flirt with you, Jeon Wonwoo?" you demand.
Oh. Oh.
"Not another day more," Wonwoo promises as he wraps his fingers around your wrist and pulls you in to his flat. He thanks all the higher powers in the universe that Mingyu has decided to buzz off for the night.
Wonwoo's mouth is on yours the moment the door shuts behind you. It's messy, all clashing teeth and warring tongues. The sudden force of it has you reeling back a step.
His fingers find purchase at your hips, right over the very skirt of his wildest fantasies. You tilt your head like you're trying to deepen the kissâ only to have your forehead bump against his glasses.
You make a sound of protest against his mouth and he swears he sees stars.
Without missing a beat, Wonwoo lifts one of his hands just long enough to pull his glasses off. He casts them aside unceremoniously. He'll buy a new pair if he has to.
He's back to kissing you before you can even open your eyes.
By some miracle, the two of you make it to his bedroom.
It's only then that Wonwoo manages to tear himself away from your mouth, looking slightly panicked.
You're pinned underneath him, the top buttons of your blouse already undone. And you're a visionâ your hair splayed out underneath you, your chest rising and falling with every heavy breath. Wonwoo has to resist the physical urge to keep making out with you.
"Iâ" he chokes out. "I haven'tâ"
Thank God you're smarter than him, because you immediately get what he's trying to say. You prop yourself up by your elbows to look at him. "We don't have to," you say carefully, your fingers curling around his bicep.
"That's the thing." He doesn't even bother to hide how desperate he sounds. "I kind of really fucking want to."
The smile you give him then makes his heart stutter. He resolves to unpack that later.
Right now, he focuses on the way you pull off his slacks, the way you spit in to your palm, the way you dip your hand past his boxers andâ
"Holy shit," he exhales, because this is definitely leagues better than his imagination.
You're watching his every reaction as you slide the curve of your palm against him, as your fingers close and squeeze and tug, and it takes absolutely everything in Wonwoo not to flip your positions.
He prays for patience; he prays for grace. He prays that he doesn't finish just from a goddamn handjob.
Once you've deemed him sufficiently hard, the two of you do switch positions. Wonwoo reaches in to his bedside drawer for the condom that's been sitting there for months. (Mingyu, the cheeky bastard, had left it there as a gift. Wonwoo has never been more grateful for his best friend.)
Wonwoo snaps it on with a lot less finesse than he would've wanted. Soon enough, he's hovering over you, his fingers curled in to a white-knuckled grip around his sheets.
"I should probably stretch you out a bit," he whispers, his voice strained with the effort it's taking to keep himself together
But you shake your head, your hands catching in his dark locks as you practically drag him down. "Wonwoo, I swear," you whine. "If you don't fuck me this instantâ"
It's not the hands in his hair that does it. Not the bluntness of your words.
It's that stupid, stupid whine.
Wonwoo thrusts in to you without preamble, and the scream catches in your throat as he fills you up.
"Fucking take it, then," he hisses.
Wonwoo was a bit worried that his inexperience would get in the way, but there's one thing he seems to have in common with you: He can be a pretty quick learner, too.
His thrusts are a bit clumsy and erratic, but he figures out what you like based on the sounds that you make, the way that you move.
You arch your hips up whenever he bottoms out. You whimper whenever his balls slap in to the cleft of your ass. And when his fingers finally find your bundles of nerves, you say his name so beautifully.
"Just like that, Wonu," you gasp, rendered incapable of saying his full name. He likes the way it sounds, so he rewards you with another sharp thrust. You babble on, "Fuck, yeah. That's good. You're so fucking good."
Something inside him burns, then. Enough to have him picking up the pace, to have him pressing the calloused pads of his fingers in to every inch of bare skin that he can reach.
You seem to notice his renewed vigor, and the minx that you areâ despite the fact you're being fucked stupidâ you give him more.
You moan that he's perfect and doing so well and so fucking hot, and his cock only bullies in to you harder with every pretty word.
"I'm not going to lastâ" Wonwoo warns through gritted teeth, his grip bruising on your hip. "I'm not going to last much longer if you keep talking to me like that."
His fingers are already fumbling; his pace, stuttering. He's not sure how much more praise he can take, but then you have to go and whimper about how badly you've wanted him, just like thisâ
Wonwoo manages to bottom out just one more time before coming undone.
The feeling of him twitching inside you, of him panting against the side of your neck, has you following not long after. It's absolutely torturous, the way you clamp down on him like you're squeezing him dry.
Wonwoo gathers his bearings enough to pull out. He heaves out a sigh and falls back on to his bed beside you, his own thighs still shaking a bit from all the effort he's exerted.
A beat. Neither of you speak; you're both too busy catching your breath, coming down from your respective highs.
But then you're sitting up, moving, and Wonwoo physically feels his heart drop.
"Where are you going?" he stammers. He can't even bring himself to sound cool about the prospect of this just being a one-time thing.
You put him out of his misery rather swiftly. At the foot of his bed, you pause, take one look at his face, and then soften significantly. Your gentle pat to his ankle is a welcome reprieve.
"We should clean up," you tell him, somehow managing to reassure his unspoken fears. "Where's your bathroom?"
"Ahâ first door down the hall."
You don't pull on any of your clothes as you go, so Wonwoo doesn't bother to hide the way he watches you leave.
Once you're out his bedroom door, Wonwoo suddenly feels boneless. He sinks further in to his bed and contemplates how the hell he's going to go about thisâ whatever this is.
Wonwoo's overthinking is cut short when you bound back in to his room, your hands behind your back. He barely has any time to speak before your lips are on his.
It's a sweet kiss, one that catches him off-guard. He's frozen for only a millisecond before his eyes flutter close and he melts right in to you, his hand resting at the side of your face.
It's not quite the answer that he's looking for, but it's a close thing.
When you peel away, his head rises from his pillow, desperately chasing your mouth. You let out a tinkling sort of laugh before pulling your hands out from behind youâ and placing his glasses on for him.
Wonwoo blinks confusedly underneath his lenses.
"Just need to make sure that you can see what you're getting in to," you tease as you push his hair out of his forehead.
He just looks at you for a second. And oh, is he done for.
"Yeah," he breathes. "I see you."
#jeon wonwoo x reader#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo imagines#wonwoo smut#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#seventeen smut#svt smut#seventeen imagines#svt imagines#( wonwoo with glasses. save me. save me wonwoo with glasses )#( pathetic attempt at a 3 + 1 fic. u will be seeing more of that from me btw ... ! )#( listened to sabrina's Juno the whole time i was writing this woooh )#ŕ¨ŕ§ penned by ylangelegy#ŕ¨ŕ§ muse .á svt
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